#i only slept like……4 hrs last night

[crepusculum-rattus]

my ass gets a Little sleep deprived and i start talking about how i could “fix ender”

[thefearandwonder]

Truth

An old friend of mine has retreated into social isolation, which I could have taken personally. But we've been through a lot together in our lives and I refuse to take anything he does personally. Have to give grace if you want to get it.

He said he wants to get away from the self so influenced by other people and find his center. I think that's a great idea. I'd like to do it myself, but it's a scary thought; even when I'm alone, I'm not truly alone. I reach out to people, I meet new people in virtual spaces, I write stories with others, and always look for social stimulation.

How much of me is 'me'? But, is 'me' something worth defining?

Because for a long time, I've seen myself as a hollow shell battered around by the world, filled up with its energies, emptied, charged up, wrung out, and again and again. I don't like to see myself, because myself is a dragon, a towering egomaniac, a striving and suffering lunatic who hurts herself with the intensity of her ambitions.

The only thing chasing ambition has ever gotten me is pain; I slam into walls and doors, and the faster I'm running, the harder the impact. The smarter I'm being, the further into trouble I get.

My forays into the jungle of American civilization are never productive. They start out hopeful, then end in mutual misery.

You know, I was driving through San Francisco at night last week. I saw billboards advertising not just AI, but digital solutions for AI-generated-image-detection services. Anti-AI. In a sea of lights and concrete, I saw a targeted advertisement as I sat in rush-hour traffic, telling me that I could literally 'find truth' with a product.

And earlier that day, I'd been walking through Yosemite, where the ravens flew by the dozens like bands of kings, with their hooked beaks and proud eyes, their manes of spiky feathers on their chest -- they looked at me and I looked at them. We saw each other, and there was truth there.

And the people who call themselves 'realists' will tell me of the meaninglessness of that experience, that the creature is somehow beneath me, and my deranged mind is deriving meaning from nothing.

Or, if my interpretation of the raven's symbol pleases their vanity, they will feed me scraps and lift me up like a treasured Bug a la some Jack London-esque short story and make me their favorite poet-propagandist. I'll be their truth maker.

And I woke up this morning with the insulin catheter in my abdomen ripped free, something that's never happened before. It was 4 AM. I replaced it without making too much noise and went to write a poem about wanting to sleep that made me cry -- a poem I wish I could share here, but it's going into a collection I intend to publish and therefore in order to sell the rights to print it exclusively it cannot appear in other media.

Well, after writing that poem, and crying, I went back to bed and held my wife. We slept in each other's arms and that's the truth.

Then we were woken up by a call from an unemployment benefits adjudicator who asked very pointed questions about why I left my previous job, opened up old wounds around confusion, anxiety, discrimination, being targeted by malicious parents, and feeling unprotected by admin or HR.

I told my story (again). I told the truth. They, who agreed not to 'contest' unemployment benefits (I suppose that means not filing an appeal for the approval decision) will also tell their truth. But they did not tell me the whole truth when I made the agreement to resign in grace rather than work somewhere I was made to feel so unwelcome. They kept many truths to themselves.

So what is the truth. The truth is that more and more I feel like a gasping animal caught in a net of buzzing light that Just

Won't

Stop

My truth, the thing I know inside me so true and deep, is that when I die, I will hear the sound of wind in trees. It will get louder and louder, until it overtakes me. It will transport me. It is the holiest sound I know. It sounds like the sea. It sounds like the hushings of a loving Universe.

It sounds like the Moon waking me with her light, to kiss me on the brow, and guide me back to sleep, to let me know I am safe and small. Truth.

[lalalian]

I really was gonna attempt to shift yesterday but I rlly couldn’t 😭😭😭 I think I’ll try tonight tho if my skin’s back to normal

Last night after I showered, I realized I had hives everywhere from my neck down to my ankles 😭😭 I mean like in large patches

I usually have a random hive outbreak a few times a year, but never had it been this bad… usually I can ignore the itch but it was almost unbearable this time

I only slept 4 hrs last night bc of it, it has gotten better tho…the hives on my hands have gone away completely, it’s definitely fading on my arms and my thighs too… but my lower legs look awful

Damn, I wanted to work on Azelkariya and Asmokariya’s character intro too 😭😭

I think I’ll take it easy today

[punkassfrance]

Mare Nostrum Mediterranean Grill - Chapter 4 - Joel/Tess/Reader

This is explicit! Minors, DNI!

Contains drug and alcohol use, polyamory, swearing, sleazy flirting, age gap, and an HR nightmare brewing. This chapter does not have any specific content warnings. This chapter contains mild mommy kink, voyeurism/exhibitionism, and semi-public sex.

Summary:

Your first job would have been stressful enough if you didn't have to deal with mind games from Joel and Tess. But god, you couldn't bring yourself to complain. - Joel and Tess are line cooks who really, really like flirting with the innocent newhires. Or maybe it's just you. The working relationship shifts ever so slightly. Previous Chapter - Entire Work

You don’t remember how you got back to your dorm, that night. You don’t remember much of that evening at all- Tess slept as you drove her home, the radio humming something you tuned out.

If you remembered anything, it was the image of Tess, head tilted against the car window, hair draped over her face. She cradled her hand in her lap, bandaged and sterilized, still numb after stitches. At red lights, you eyed the red speckles across her neck, stiffening every time.

As she spoke of Joel, there he was- standing in the doorway, kitchen towel tossed over his shoulder. It’s dark, but you can see the outline of his arms from the light in the house. He looked tense.

When you pulled up to her home, she shifted, slowly lifting her head and rolling it around. “God, my neck…” After a moment, she looked over to you, eyes half-lidded. “...thanks for the ride.”

You nodded, focused on watching your knees through the steering wheel. “Yeah, anytime. You going to be okay?”

Looking over to the beaten pickup truck in the driveway, she nodded. “Joel’s home. He’ll make sure I’m alright.”

Right. They��re together.

“...I’ll see you Thursday, kid.”

The reminder made your stomach sink. They were partners, maybe even married, and you were too wrapped up in your swooning to respect that. It didn’t matter how Joel’s arms flexed when he carried something, or how Tess pulled her hair back. It didn’t matter how they both looked at you as you worked, muttering to each other. Tess’ half-hearted laugh when you joked with her. Joel’s hand lingering when it touched yours.

Doesn’t matter.

“Yep- see you then.”

She got out of the car and walked up to the door, free hand brushing her hair back. When she passed Joel, his hand grabbed her ass, squeezing a handful before she smacked him away.

The last thing you saw as the door closed was his eyes on you.

-

You didn’t get to interact much, the next time you worked with Tess. Two catering orders and a massive rush kept both of you moving, only terse words from the kitchen to the front. Even the close kept you both occupied to the end, Tess stuck on the dish pit as you count the registers.

You didn’t work with both of them again until Saturday. It’s surprisingly slow, and you were lucky enough to have a solid team.

As things died down, you leaned against the counter with a deep sigh.

“No, I don’t think so- hey, rookie, come here a sec.” Dina beckoned you over to the kitchen window.

Tess was pinching the bridge of her nose, leaning on the counter. “Dina, don’t bug ‘em, this isn’t worth-”

“No no, we need a tiebreaker.” She folded her hands together, turning to face you. “Next month is the fall employee party. Pizza or a taco bar?”

Tess scoffed, turning away from the window to wipe down one of her counters. “I spend forty hours a week assembling food, I’m not interested in doing it on what’s meant to be a day off.”

“Pizza’s so boring, though! Everyone has a pizza party!”

“Because it’s a classic. Don’t fuck with tradition.”

You cut in, leaning on the wall beside the kitchen window. “Employee party?��

Dina looked back to you. “Yep! Couple times a year, Tommy and Maria give us a paid day off! Board games, food, karaoke if we want it, just a fun little party.”

Tess shrugged, glancing at you over her shoulder. “It’s a good time. No booze allowed, but nobody will say anything if you show up sauced.” The last part is quiet, conspiratorial. Pulling away from the stove, she leaned into the kitchen window and met your eyes. “You gonna be there?”

“Oh- yeah, I can…probably make it. I can skip class if I gotta.”

She winked. “Good.”

-

After a dinner rush strong enough to knock you all off your feet, Joel and Tess walked out looking like zombies. They were sent out a little sooner after they finished their tasks, both dead on their feet as they waved you goodbye.

“Alright, rookie- you’re good to go. I’ll lock up.”

“Thanks, Dina. See you Monday.”

The air was cold as you stepped outside. The lights were off in the restaurant, sidewalks empty, the stores around you dim- and for once, you swore you could see some of the stars above you.

There were two cars in the parking lot. Yours sat under a streetlamp, a few yards away from an old black sedan. As you fumbled with your keys in the low light, something thumped in the distance behind you. Jerking back, you surveyed the parking lot, heart pounding in your ears.

Once the figures turned back into shadows, your eyes landed on the sedan a short walk away. The cabin light was burning on the ceiling, lighting up a broad expanse of pale, freckled skin. She was hunched over, head curled around a man’s neck as his tan hands came up to undo the clasp on her bra. As the fabric fell and was thrown into the backseat, his hand skirted across her side, mapping out her skin before taking her breast in his hand.

You heard a breathy moan and realized you should look away- your face was burning once again, simmering in the cold night air. This was ethically dodgy at best, fully illegal at worst- but god, there was no looking away now. No looking away from rough hands groping across this woman’s body, her back curved to the sky.

One of his hands ran through her graying brown hair, pulling it over her shoulder as she sat up. Even with the seat leaned back, you could see dark red marks across his neck, bitten tender and raw.

Pale, shapely breasts sloped into chewed-up skin, across a hard jawline…

Tess.

There was no mistaking it, now. No denying what you were doing. Spying on your coworkers fucking. Fucking?

No denying that, either. There they sat, reclined in the dark parking lot, stripping down in the cabin light. Joel’s hand was squeezing her ass as she rose at the touch, bucking her hips forward. God, she’s practically writhing in his lap- if you didn’t know better, you’d think she was a professional.

You couldn’t bring yourself to move. A step back would offer plausible deniability; no, you just glanced over, you were just about to get in the car behind you and drive off. You were just startled, in shock, frantically backing away as your mind processed what you’d stumbled on. A step back was a way out.

But a step forward would give you a better look at Tess’ hands fumbling with Joel’s zipper.

When he ran his hands over her back, tanned biceps tensing, she pressed into the touch and you heard another stifled moan.

“Fuck, momma…”

The deep drawl carried out of the car- it felt infinite, rolling across the asphalt, loud enough for the world to hear.

Your heart stopped right as her head turned to look out the sedan window.

For five long seconds, her hips stilled as she met your eye. Your eyes wandered down to her hands at Joel’s zipper, his stiffening cock in her palm.

Five long seconds.

A coy grin took its place. Her hand pushed down to the base of Joel’s cock, hips rolling forward.

“So good for me.”

That was all you could take. Spinning around, your keys almost fell out of your hand twice as you unlocked the door and started the car. Eyes firmly on the asphalt, you pulled away, chest heaving.

Pulsing.

-

Monday morning, exhausted and weary, you walked into work with coffee in hand.

Joel looked up from his kitchen window, grinning when he saw you.

“Mornin’, kid.”

Dark red splotches line the columns of his throat.

Thank you for reading! Comments are always appreciated, check me out or subscribe to the story on AO3!

[chevelleneech]

About taehyung I'd say i have come to be indifferent or irritated with the guy's behaviour over the year. It has nothing to do with shipping n all cause i have never believed any pairing in BTS is dating eachother so there's no reason for me to dislike/hate him over such things and I'd hate myself if i do that lol...

It came in the form of disappointment because before FACE release i was very sure tae nd hobi would support him physically you know like be on his set or music show or something like that. Hobi proved me right but Tae.....like okay u didn't go for any of his sets or anything physically but not even a simple acknowledgment towards the supposed Soulmate's first ever album?? Mind u Tae posted for every single member except jm last yr. he posted story for every member's album after their album release expect jm. one can understand if he was Missing 2-3 members but only one. and same like last year even this yr he posted for hobi's album, posted for RM's album, posted less than a week ago for his frnd's songs but didn't post anything for jm even when he came to post other pics last Sunday. again jm being the exception to that like 2023.

Last yr when he used to go live for 3 min only to mention jk for 4-5 times without even asking his own fans what are they doing, how's it going U wonder.... Wasn't a one time thing the whole 2023 went like that u can ask anyone. There was even a running joke started in army Fandom "Anyone: so u- Tae: Jungkook" like that. Everyone knew how much he used to bring up jk for anything literally anything at all. Who even goes live play one song say that jk sings it for u then stop the live right there? who goes live just to tell that he didn't see jk's live last day after movie premiere cause he passed out? who goes live to tell he called jk? literally in most of his lives he ended those live without 3-4-5 min after only talking about jk. Even his own fans were saying it's started getting embarassing how much he mentions jk while jk doens't brother. Yes jk has mentioned tae last year in his lives multiple times too but jk has never mentioned anything private like how tae does.

There was this time when jk was posting his recipes on weverse nd correcting some information about it in the morning, then jm comments on it saying why is he not sleeping cause jk was live before that reposting too. means jk was live at last night. Then jm also asked jk to cook for him that recipe or smtg to which jk replied. Then comes Tae who comments under jk's comment of recipe saying "I also slept well 😉" when it was jm who talked about sleeping nd not jm so technically the comment of tae should be under jm's comment but it was under jm's. which then made tkkrs and whole Fandom believe TK had sleepover even tho jk was live at late night for hrs. There's too many incidences like that.

Point is tae does and says things that leaves more room for speculations nd then comes jk to tell the story as what has happened. I know tae is like that but that behaviour itself is weird TO ME. I'd say the exact same thing if i had seen jm going live to talk about jk for 3 min nd then dip. It simply doens't looks normal TO ME so i wouldn't think any different for tae. I won't speculate as to why he does what he does but only thing is his Actions are weird to me.

That time he posted story from a tkkr acct which was basically a jm anti which gave that acct more exposure. the acct had 2k before him posting then gained over 40-45k within 24 hrs despite their pinned posts being jm anti and talking about TK kissing. Now i don't say he did it on purpose cause i know he wouldn't but I'd prefer if he's mindful of his actions. Another time he said "N" word while singing on live which cause many black armys side eye him, then months later he went on live to put on durag which again caused discomfort for some Black armys. Then the recent MacD post which again caused distress in big numbers in army side. again point is he's too ignorant of his actions. and i do not like ppl that are ignorant and irresponsible nd his actions for the past yr has made him look like one to me.

I loved vmin too much but the disappointment caused by him to me cause i was stupid enough to hope had really made me not to think of vmin or him the same as before. i cannot for the life of me look at him or vmin same as before. i don't enjoy seeing vmin together now. of course they're still good frnds there's no debate about it but one thing that's clear is they're not the vmin they used to before. it stopped somewhere around 2019. i don't like how ppl still call them soulmates LOL.

when i was new i used to see posts of how back in days jm made sure to be at every members'solo set when they were doing their solo MVs (like serendipity n all) but no member showed up for him. how he was the only one posting for member's solo songs from BTS's albums on twitter nd no one posted for him nd he posted for himself. i felt bad but never blamed any members saying maybe they didn't go cause they couldn't make time or maybe because jm gets shy n all. But i have seen everything in 2023 nd how members like tae made time for his frnds despite their TIGHT schedules yet couldn't be botehred for Someone like jm. i remember yrs ago tae saying that he is always on the receiving end of jm's love nd support and it felt like still the same. i believe jm wouldn't have been on that fanmeet of tae's had jm not showed up for tae in tae's music show. I remember tae taking hrs early flight than other members so that he could be present at his newly frnd's movie premiere in sk. i remember how tae showed up for one of his wooga member's fanmeet, then went on stationhead party nd then went to music show all 3 events on the same day when he was promoting his album but couldn't bother to be there for jm during one of his music shows our of 3 when tae was literally on break? i didn't like this same thing about jk too.

I would never expect members to do all these things for jm IF jm wasn't doing all of this for them. jm himself is inactive nd yet the whole Fandom knew that the one of the only time he'd come Online is to post for members. his whole ig page speaks for itself. Jm not only posted for online but he made sure to be with every single member when they were releasing their music last year. I'd never expected yoongi to show up for jm but surprisingly he did. i knew yg was busy hence i didn't expect that. I'd never expect something like online posting from some like yg cause he doens't post everyone knows.

so yes my personal indifference nd irritation towards Tae has came from his actions towards jm. Ppl will say that u don't have to post online to show ur support nd someone like me who doens't post anything online knows what that means better than anyone but when Ure chronically online nd deep in Fandom shenanigans I'd expect that from u. I have stopped liking that ignorant behaviour is all.

P.S. I'd like it if u don't put this post in jkk tag cause i don't want tae's topic constantly discussed in jkk's tag cause some ppl r not liking it, that is if u post this. And sorry for the long azz post.

Hi, I appreciate you stopping by. I will say, you wrote quite a lot that I genuinely do not have it in me to read, but I’ll still answer because I did read majority of it.

Basically, I think it’s fine to dislike Tae and not agree with his actions. It’s unrealistic to believe every member will be adored by every fan, and that goes for any group out there. I am also glad you brought up his recent behavior outside of Tkk vs Jkk drama, because those reasons are what has pushed him out of grace for me. I don’t hate him by far, but he is the one member I now side eye. Especially because people have talked about members of Wooga squad being questionable, and I’ve never cared for Jennie. Blackpink were too ignorant for me to get into, and they debuted way too late in the game and too old (meaning they were old enough to know better) for me to care about them “learning to do better.”

So it’s not surprising to me Tae likely isn’t the kindest of people I expected him to be. I’m not delusional enough to believe these men aren’t people and won’t make mistakes, but I definitely thought they’d grown over the years and learned to do better. Regarding Zionism and the boycotts, I am being a little lenient since they’re in the military and maybe can’t say much, but Tae didn’t have to post an old pic of McDonald’s. He is too old and too online to have not known. He doesn’t care. Same way he doesn’t care about saying nigga or appropriation.

It’s the little things that show a persons true colors, but even with that, I can’t pretend I agree with the idea that he’s intentionally stoking Tkk flames or is no longer friends with Jimin. Mainly because I think bigotry is different from friendship issues. JM and Tae might be going through a distant stage, but we don’t know that for sure. We don’t know what is going on with them at all, so I don’t agree with people pretending as if we do. And that is different from saying, “Tae is probably racist and a Zionist by way of not caring enough to even be silent.”

Because while I wouldn’t call him those things myself, (I’d say he’s stupid, not malicious) I wouldn’t stop someone from doing so. Because silence, imo, is better than telling the world you don’t care. At least by staying silent you can at some point lie about caring. Tae didn’t choose silence. He chose to bring attention to the fact that he’s unwilling to fake allegiance with Palestine, he chose to rap a slur in the mouths of non-Black people, and he chose to wear a durag. All things that don’t require digging any deeper. Whatever is going on with him posting JK and not JM is muddy waters we’ll most likely never be able to see through.

So again, if people don’t like him, that’s totally fine. He’s not entitled to anyone’s affection, but disliking him for thinking he is hating on a ship that is technically not real… pointless.

[atlasmothsilove]

ATLAS INFODUMP SPEEDROUND GO!!!

1. who is/are your comfort characters)?

entirety of wondersho, Reki Kyan, Hatsune Miku

2. lighter or matches?

Matches. Lighters scare me a lil

3. do you leave the window open at night?

No. Too lazy and loud

4. which cryptyd being do you believe in?

Bigfoot and Nessie. they're prob just chilling

5. what color are your eyes?

Brown technically but i'd say black yea

6. why did you do that?

im evil

7. hair-ties or scrunchies?

Neither. my hair is too short

8. how many water bottles are in your room right now?

three. i forgor to take them downstairs and theyre all empty

9. which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

i domt like coffee (when i get i usually get it hot)

10. would you slaughter the rich?

yes what type of stupid question is that

11. favorite extracurricular activity?

karate (its the only one i havent dropped out of)

12. what kind of day is it?

eepy 😪

13. when was the last time you ate?

likeee an hour ago??

14. do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

yes 🤤

15. are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

ex parent 💔💔💔 i had to give away my fish 🥲🥲🥲

16. can you drive?

I cry right after but yea for the most part!!!

17. are you farsighted or nearsighted?

no

18. what hair products do you use?

uhh this one cvs shampoo idk

19. imagine we're at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

i kinda suck at it but sure!!!

20. do you say soda or pop?

soda

21. something you've kept since childhood?

this one cat beanie boo

22. what type of person are you?

Bloom says: Silly stupid lil guy /aff super fuxkjnb talented and the best pillow (you are made of melitonkn istg)

GF says: silly little critter (can and will wield godlike art powers to strike terror into the hearts all), i need to beat you up and swing you around aggressively/aff

🥹

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

Im constantly cold but i love jackets but also i have oretty bad seasonal depression so it all kinda cancels out neutral

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

looking at the veiw and/or blasting music and/or peoplewatching. If ur Ari then we are kissing

25. perfume/body spray or lotion?

Lotion! Cetaphil 🤤

26. a scenario that you've replayed multiple times?

got kissed goodbye on the cheek and i giggle snd kick my legs whenever i think of it

27. about how many hours of sleep did you get?

two hours last night i think (i was reading atla fanfic lol)

28. do you wear a mask?

not a whole lot anymore

29. how do you like your shower water?

i need to be boiled alive

30. is there dishes in your room?

not anymore 🥳🥳 the last ones were there for two months

31. what type of music keeps you grounded?

Mikumikumiku just any super guitar heavy or hyperpop jpop song actually

32. do you have a favorite towel?

no

33. the last adventure you've been on?

iii dont remember :/

34. is there a song you know every word to by heart?

a lot of them 😭 like basically every english song in my 28 hr playlist + the kaguya openings + deep coma

35. what's your timezone?

EST

36. how many times have you changed your url?

none. i love atlas moths

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you've known for 10+ years?

uhhh nooo i dont thinkso?

38. a soap bar that smells good?

any sandalwood soap 🤤

39. do you use lip balm?

i forget but i always have it in my bag

40. did you have any snacks today?

hello panda cookies 🔥

41. how do you take your coffee?

uhh idk. Bru instant coffee w a lil sugar and a lot of milk 🔥

42. an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

twitter. dare i say its more godforsaken than this

43. what's your take on spicy foods?

yummi (through tears)

44. you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

my dad

45. can you remember what happened

yesterday?

i drew and played minecraft and i played piano and i played rythym game and i drew and got carpal tunnel and i read fanfic and i slept

46. favorite holiday film?

santa paws

47. what was the last message you sent?

talking to bloom "im doing the thing i need answers as well" for this post 😭

48. when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

i thought the whiskey on the counter was sweet tea when i was sick and couldnt smell and i took and entire gulp

49. can you skip rocks?

yea!

50. can i tag you in random stuff?

SURE!! im not a huge fan of tag chains tho but evrything else is fine!

TAGS. UH IDK IF U WANNA CONTINUE THE CHAIN GO FOR IT!!! @ EVERYONE

here’s weirder asks

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

lighter or matches?

do you leave the window open at night?

which cryptyd being do you believe in?

what color are your eyes?

why did you do that?

hair-ties or scrunchies?

how many water bottles are in your room right now?

which do you prefer, hot coffee or cold coffee?

would you slaughter the rich?

favorite extracurricular activity?

what kind of day is it?

when was the last time you ate?

do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

are you a parent? (all answers qualify)

can you drive?

are you farsighted or nearsighted?

what hair products do you use?

imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

do you say soda or pop?

something you’ve kept since childhood?

what type of person are you?

how do you feel about chilly weather?

if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

perfume/body spray or lotion?

a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

about how many hours of sleep did you get?

do you wear a mask?

how do you like your shower water?

is there dishes in your room?

what type of music keeps you grounded?

do you have a favorite towel?

the last adventure you’ve been on?

is there a song you know every word to by heart?

what’s your timezone?

how many times have you changed your url?

someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

a soap bar that smells good?

do you use lip balm?

did you have any snacks today?

how do you take your coffee?

an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

what’s your take on spicy foods?

you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

can you remember what happened yesterday?

favorite holiday film?

what was the last message you sent?

when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

can you skip rocks?

can i tag you in random stuff?

[callmepippin]

i had a v fun night last night (i had. maybe somewhat too much to drink) but im on my meds again today which kinda prevent me from sleeping in so i only slept for like. maybe 4 hrs? and when i woke up i was Not yet sober. and tbh i still can't fully think straight but idk if its leftover wine in my system or just the sleep deprivation

[starsdailyjournal]

Journaling for my mental health as an epic scene girl (not clickbait) Day 2! I DRANK TEA AND WATCHED THE SUNRISE (real ones know)

OMG YALL WILL NOT BELIEVE IT THIS MORNING I WAS MAKING TEA BC I BARELY SLEPT LAST NIGHT. USUALLY I GAG FROM DRINKING A SIP OF TEA BUT TODAYYYYY WAS DIFFERENT BECAUSE I ADDED HALF A LIMES WORTH OF LIME JUICE (10 cals) AND IT ACTUALLY TASTED PLEASANT??? AND IT WAS SUPER EARLY BC I WAKE UP SUPER EARLY SO I WATCHED THE SUN RISE ON THE COUCH AND AS I STIRRED MY TEA WITH A LITTLE SPOON IN MY CUTE FLORAL BLACK PJ SET!!! IT WAS LOWK SO YUMMY!!!!!!!!! AND I WILL BE MAKING IT AGAIN TMMR (30 mins it turns tmmr yk midnight) also before all this I saw the SEXIEST vid abt sum fictional character!! Anyway I spent the wholeee day studying (3 hours out of 4 attempted) and SCAMMING i got sm good stuff I loveeee scamming in rh and adopt me!! So today was pretty chillll (besides having to evade ice cream with my dad) BUT just now I was scamming this girl for her cow and when I joined her in adopt me to TAKE her cow WE BOTH LEARNED THAT HER TRADING BROKE SO LIKE SHE COULDNT TRADE AT ALLLLL (we think its bc she got hacked). AND bc I been having such a good dayyyyy I decided to tell her I was finna scam her BUT also give her 150k rh dim FOR FREEE n she was sososo happy and she agreed to help me make fake proofs!!! Anyway I am sad tonight though becauseeeee I'm going to have to get ice cream tmmr with my dad and sister BREAKING MY FAST sobz which is likee only 24 hrs rn but IT WAS SUPPOSED TO LAST THE WHOLE WEEK but wtv yall I can come back from that frfr. OMG AND ALSO TODAY I PULLED ON MY HEALING STICK AND POKE (previousl mentioned) AND IT HURT SMMM. Anyway!! bye batssstst I hope yall liked todays lil blog!!!!! (journal thing)

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Friday, January 26th, 2024!

12:38am busted a nut and it felt great, awesome way to start the day lol. Also so glad I deleted the emails, I don't even remember what they said and soon they will be totally forgotten :) I already feel more at peace.

10:26am still feeling better, haven't heard from him day #2 (new record!) I want to get away from him he's toxic and doesn't know it/ believe me/ won't do anything about it. Just worry about me lol.

10:47am there's nothing wrong with doing things with your own company btw. Just be safe and you're literally fine ❤️

10:58am FUCK I jinxed myself what the hell 😂 retarded ass I told him I miss him (as a friend) and he said thanks that makes me feel better.... 😑 Glad you feel better bro (no shit I never did anything to you too make your feel bad RIP) literally what? I can't.

4:02pm had some lunch earlier and took a 3? Hr nap very needed, sleep is important!! And I only had like 4-5hrs last night so this makes sense!! I am a girl who needs lots of sleep especially when I am wanting to achieve my best mental health!! Do not feel guilty that you slept in the middle of the day you needed rest!! I love you ❤️

5:18pm laundry in the wash, trash taken out and I'm going to pick up BC RX. I love summer and warm weather but I have to be ok with sweating lol!

Pros >>> cons :) of going outside

11:15pm oops got drunk and watched too many relationship videos = bad. My heart hurts. I want him to feel pain. I fucking hate him and I want him to know (mmmmm maybe this is what I'm manifesting/ loa??) Fuck him fuck him fuck him I hope he gets fucking cheated on ong stupid prick narcissist. Fuck you you're no longer in my life fuck you and your small dick frfr.

I am a beautiful person, with a heart and soul that would NEVER do that shit to someone and that's why I know I'm fucking better. Someone with empathy, with half a brain, would not do that to another human being especially one they've known for years. I know I'm better, kinder, more loving, more respectful, more empathetic, more genuine and real AF, smarter with more emotional intelligence, more confident in myself not to need some half-ass bitch in my life, I'm going to get farther in life than he can even dream of, I get bitches on days I don't even shower bro, I have bitches hitting me up fucking constantly since you left and literally all their dicks have literally been bigger and fatter than yours and they've all been nicer more straight forward at least tbh 😂 bitch you are the bottom of the barrel and I'm the cream of the crop you could not pull me now with your little bitch ass bro wtf so fucking unconfident and with so much mental baggage and mommy and daddy issues the only flex you have is your physical body that's literally so sad and I will fucking stand on this shit, if you only pride yourself on physical appearance and ability but have nothing psychological or emotional or financial or support to provide,,, you're literally a walking dildo I'm sorry but literally please fix your fucking mental before you come at me!!!! I said what I said and I have felt this way for a while, kinda like a woman just being a fleshlight with no emotional or intellectual contribution to the relationship JFC I CAN'T it does go both ways for men and women.

Y'all are so immature and I am above you both I said what I said my confidence scares both of you coward bitches and I will get so much farther in life than the both of you combined x2 I stg because I know my mf worth and I know what and who will not take up my mf time and space. Y'all are so peabrained and act like fucking high schoolers, there's really no point in talking to y'all either bc of the stereo effect with y'all just tell each other what the other wants to hear, enabling the never ending shitty ass behavior with your insane mentally and morally wrong ways of justifying your actions. Nonsensical which is WHY it's so confusing to people who follow LOGICAL thinking..... That cognitive dissonance is the star of the shit show.

Fuck you and good riddance, can't wait for my birthday to know true fucking peace of mind. ❤️

[s3raph1c]

My baby slept through the night for like 2 weeks and went right back to waking up AT MOST 2hrs apart... Last night he woke like 6 times. He's only in bed for about 9 hours before he's awake for the day too. He takes maybe 3-4 hrs of naps throughout the day. I think he's just teething but the wake ups are SO frequent again. At least he's quick getting back down but ONLY nursing gets him back to sleep. He's really an amazing baby and I'm not upset about it but it would be nice to get that sleep again. I don't know if I should be trying to get him to self-soothe more at this point. He's five months so maybe it's just a sleep regression that will resolve on its own? It's mainly when he fights his naps and sleeps 20mins at a time and gets overtired that wears me out. At least he seems to be back to napping well.

[timeoverload]

Today wasn't too bad I suppose. It didn't start very well because I slept through all 20 of my alarms. It's kind of ridiculous that I have to set that many as it is but I have a bad habit of hitting the snooze button. I usually get up around 4:30 or 5 but today I didn't get up until 6:15 and that's when I normally have to leave on Wednesdays.

I stayed up way too late last night but I wouldn't have been able to sleep even if I had tried because it was too loud. The neighbors down the street were lighting off super loud fireworks until almost 1 in the morning. I was so pissed and I really wanted to go over there and tell them they were being rude but I'm not a confrontational person. I don't even remember falling asleep but I don't think I got more than 4 hours. I guess having 2 days off messed me up too and I also forgot I had to be there earlier. I work at 7 on Mondays and Tuesdays and 6:30 on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

Luckily I still had time to get everything set up and get breakfast before cases started at 7:30. I had 24 today but I got done with them by 3:00. I had time to sit down and eat my lunch too. It definitely was better than last Wednesday. I had 31 cases that day due to add-ons and there was also an hour delay because one of the surgeries took longer than usual so I ended up having to stay late and I was already exhausted. I was so grumpy after that and Thursday sucked.

I also got mad last week because that creepy guy I work with that won't leave me alone tried hitting on me again in front of a bunch of people and I basically had to tell had to tell him to fuck off. It was embarrassing. After that incident, he left the department for a while and when he came back he was clearly in a bad mood and was banging stuff around. It felt like he was trying to be intimidating or something and he also kept trying to find reasons to talk to me. I told him previously that I thought it was weird that he kept calling me beautiful and amazing and I tried to make it clear that it made me uncomfortable. I haven't shown any interest whatsoever so I don't understand why he keeps trying. I don't trust him. He doesn't seem to show a lot of respect for women. He's very desperate for a relationship and I'm not the only girl he acts that way towards. He cornered another girl in the stairwell to get her phone number. I'm not sure why she gave it to him since she said that she doesn't like him either. I would never give him any of my information. Most of the girls are uneasy around him and he likes to go around trying to get hugs. If he tries to say or do anything else to me like that I'm going to HR. He says he's planning on working there a long time and I can't wait to get away from him. At least I don't have to see him at all this week since he's out of town. I don't want him to come back but I'm happy that I haven't had to see him since he did that.

I got to leave work a couple minutes early so that was nice. I went to the store to get cat food and more snacks for myself. I have been eating so much junk food. I think I have actually gained a couple pounds which is good news. Some of my clothes are fitting better. I hope I can continue gaining weight but I also need to eat a little healthier sometimes. I don't even know how much I weigh right now since I don't have a scale so I guess I will find out when I go to the doctor on Friday. I'm also still planning on asking for her to increase my dosage of lamotrigine to 175mg a day since I've been taking 150mg for a while now. I am going to see if she will give me ativan or something for my anxiety. I have taken anxiety meds before and I don't really like them but lately I'm having a really hard time managing it. I haven't had blood work done in a while so I should probably ask to have that done too.

I'm going to make some dinner soon and get ready for bed. I'm sure I will sleep a lot better tonight and hopefully I actually wake up on time in the morning. I'm glad I only have to work one more day this week and tomorrow shouldn't be too busy. I'm going to do my best to make it a good day.

[thatsmeintheworld]

I havw to nap before I get my bagels bc im that sleepy. It's almost like I only slept 4 hrs last night

[tkbrokkoli]

it's been a nice day after all 😌

[correctto1quotes]

Kyungho: You can't wake up if you never went to sleep.

[dredgen-nope]

i had to get up at 5am to drive to the city for a work thing and then got tricked into paying $60 for parking (do NOT ask) and then took R to the shops before going home...... I Am Going To Sleep Now

[pepprs]

day 2 in my new dorm and yet another thing in my bathroom is messed up somehow.............. we hate to see it