#and then sobbing bc he can never be my bf

[aceys]

:3

[ericlovessharks]

liking and depending on people is so stupid and hard and ive decided im never doing either again

[nenemura]

PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY — (nrk x reader)

summary : your boyfriend helps you overcoming your insecurities.

cw : bf!riki x fem!reader, insecurities, kisses.

wc : 1k.

nene’s note : wrote this bc i don’t feel good w myself AND bc i can’t find the motivation to finish the longer ones, please bear w me xoxo

you tried so hard to look pretty.

you went to the beauty salon every month, you didn’t necessarily follow the trends, but still you tried to dress fashionably, you learned how to do your makeup.

but it wasn’t enough.

you looked in the mirror and couldn’t see all the work you’d put in being pretty. sure, you didn’t fit the beauty standards and you wouldn’t say you were ugly — it just wasn’t enough. boys never really looked at you and in your friend group you never were “the attractive one”. you still managed to find a boyfriend, riki. he was nothing but good to you, always telling you how stunning you were, making you feel loved and all. but you couldn’t believe him. you never really understood why someone like him — hot, talented and confident — would like someone like you.

you cried every night because of the way you looked. you wished you could see yourself and be able to say “wow, she’s beautiful”. you wished you could believe what riki told you.

that night wasn’t that different.

your face was buried deep in your pillow, muffling the quiet sobs escaping your lips as tears rolled down your cheeks, staining the pillowcase. you were just waiting to cry yourself to sleep and pretend everything was good the day after, when you heard a knock on your window. you looked up, startled by the sudden sound, just to find riki waving at you and signaling to open up so he could get in.

you quickly stood up and rushed to the window, letting him inside. you didn’t dare to look at him — not with your tear-stained face. you didn’t want him to worry, though you knew he’d notice.

“i missed you, so i thought i could drop by and—” he started, but his voice trailed off as he took in your red, swollen eyes and the way you looked away from him. “hey, hey,” he said softly, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. “what’s wrong?”

the gentleness in his voice made you burst out crying again, this time full-on sobbing into his shirt which you were sure to stain. his heart broke, hearing you crying like that, but he didn’t ask any questions, knowing that you’d talk when you were ready. he just held you tighter. “it’s okay,” he whispered to your temple. “i’m here, hm?”

you looked up at him, finding his gaze already on you, eyes filled with worry. “why do you like me?” you blurted out, causing his brow to furrow. “what do you mean?” he asked, his voice soft but confused.

“i’m not pretty.” you muttered, looking down at your hands, which were fidgeting as a way to relieve stress and tension. “how can you like someone like me? my.. my teeth are crooked and- my nose has this stupid hump, and—” he didn’t let you finish. instead, his lips captured yours in a slow, tender kiss, silencing you.

when he pulled back, his hand cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing your soft skin. “can you stop speaking nonsense now and let me talk?” he said, his voice playful yet firm. “do you really think everyone sees you like you see yourself?” you bit your lower lip, eyes darting towards the floor, but riki tilted your chin up, to make you look back at him. “no, they don’t.” he replied for you as you hesited, a small smile lingering on his lips.

“in my eyes, you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen. your crooked teeth?” he said with a small smile. “make your smile unique — real. your nose? it suits your face and, honestly, i think it’s pretty hot,” he said, as he playfully booped it, making you scrunch it up while a laugh escaped your lips. “i wouldn’t want you any other way, y/n.” he whispered, looking into your eyes with a sincerity you’ve never seen before. “really?” you asked, tilting your head slightly to look at him better.

“really,” he pressed a kiss to your forehead, smiling as he saw your lips curving up. “what made me fall for you wasn’t the way you look, but the way your soul touched my heart and made it completely yours,” you could feel the tears forming again in your eyes, but this time they were different. they weren’t born out of frustration or sadness — they were warm, comforting, and filled with gratitude. you felt the weight of his words settle in your chest, melting away some of the insecurities you’ve been carrying.

“i wish you’d told me how you feel sooner,” riki murmured, caressing your lower lip with his thumb. “i wanna be here for you, to stop you from thinking dumb things, y’know?” you chuckled at his words, lightly punching his arm. “i love you, y/n. okay? you’re everything i desire and want. never forget that,” he kissed you again, his lips lingering on yours in a kiss so delicate it felt like he was pouring every drop of his love into it.

you pulled back slightly, resting your forehead against his, a soft smile tugging at your lips. “i love you too, riki. i’ll try to.. believe you and see myself differently”

“that’s all i ask,” he replied, holding you tightly. “but even if you don’t, i’ll keep reminding you until you do.” you hugged him again, burying your face in his chest as you let his steady heartbeat calm you. in that moment, the weight of your insecurities didn’t feel so heavy and suffocating.

you realized that it wasn’t about being pretty by anyone’s standards, but surrounding yourself by people who made you feel beautiful just as you were. and for you, riki was that person, your anchor in the storm of self-doubt.

you obviously didn’t feel completely healed, but for the first time in a long time, you felt like you were enough. and that was just the start.

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 || 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐀𝐜𝐚𝐜𝐢𝐮𝐬

part one: the fallen fruit || part two: here

summary_after freeing Rome, you’ve lost Marcus Acacius, his baby and you are forced to marry Lucius Verus in order to freely rule as empress and visit Acacius’ grave

warnings_ CRINGE, age gap (legal) (I’m 20, sorry) historical inaccuracy, angst, sexism and misogyny, fluff but angst, a lot of canon divergence bc I said so. ANGST ANGST I CRIED WHILE WRITING THIS

note_ that’s it, it’s official, Paul Mescal my new bf, don’t you ever make me write a fic where I knowledge any Pedro character’s death (even if it’s canon) listen to 13 beaches pls

♪ ♫ Pedro playlist

♫ ♪ Paul playlist

✰ Index (+ fics here)

𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇𓆸⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇𓆸⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ 𓆇𓆸

Once your eyes opened, reality struck you in the harshest possible way. This time, no one was there to tend your wounds. Although they weren’t severe, they had dozed you off for days. You heard Lucilla’s scream and you closed your eyes, knowing your love was dead.

Numbness assaulted you, nausea struck you and you heard everyone gasping in horror as their beloved general’s body collapsed in the arena.

Hours after Marcus Acacius’ died, you lost his baby as well.

A day later, Rome was freed. Lucius Verus became the new emperor and you caught a fatal fever when the sun came down.

That night, death seemed like the most convenient alternative. You had lost everything you had fought for over the years. The man you loved and the prospective children were taken from you before you could’ve claimed them.

Something changed when you woke up. Like time has passed so rapidly that the pain from the loss of Acacius and your baby has healed. But as soon as you think about the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve… you start sobbing.

It’s a bright morning and the city sounds peaceful. Everyone has moved on. And you know you’ll have to. Only that, you don’t know how.

With your brother’s death, your lover and baby’s, everyone was gone.

Lucius is alive…

There’s a knock on the door and soon it opened.

A man should never intrude into a woman’s chamber he had no relationship with.

“Ah. Princess y/n you’re awake….” He says uncomfortably. You didn’t knew his name, but had been running as a politician for several years.

“I suppose I’m no longer a princess”

“Trials are happening right now, the senate is a disaster but we’re handling it okay. Lucius Verus Aurelius refuses to be crown emperor but he has argued in your favor and you have been found not guilty, but you face conspiracy charges. Consequently, you’re still a princess. And the only person we can rely on according to the law…”

You sigh, looking away from the old man to focus on the tapestry that hangs from a wall. It has a naked woman’s statue in the middle of a garden. A woman being the center of attention.

You were the maximum authority at the moment. But you still had barriers to break.

“What did you do with the corpses of my brothers?” perhaps your siblings weren’t the most lovable people, but you grew up with them. They were your last remaining family.

“Emperor Geta and Emperor Caracalla rest in the secluded area of the cemetery of Rome. Where the punished are buried…” you nod.

They deserved punishment, but still, an odd sensation in your stomach rested, feeling shame and pity for your brothers.

Where did the good one go? An imaginary little light sparkles upon your eyes.

“And General Acacius?”

“In his Death Will, General Acacius stated that he wanted to be buried alone in one of the islands belonging to Rome” Your eyes water and you have to bite your tongue and gulp to calm your tears.

Where he had wanted to build a home with you.

“His wife Lucilla was buried in the neighbor island upon petition” You nod, trying to sit down. You finally spot the cuts and sewed arm. Fighting Pretorials had been more difficult than participating in the war.

Alongside Marcus…

“I would like to visit his grave. Marcus Acacius’s grave” Your voice sounded broken and you could barely see the man, failing to hide your growing tears.

“There is one problem, princess y/n. Until you’re officially crown empress, you can’t leave Rome and command without being considered charged, despite being not guilty. You must marry first and I’m afraid the only suitor is Lucius Verus Aurelius”

The man that made you feel so much in no time. Who made you feel like you could be for once unconditionally loved. And that maybe Acacius was not your downfall. Maybe you had one more chance to nourish your wounded heart.

You suppress a smile. You want to see him and talk. See if he felt the same way about you and if he did, it would be a new beginning.

“Where is he?” You ask trying to hide your excitement.

“The prince is back in Numidia. He wanted to give a proper burial to his friends and his late wife especially”

The little smile on your face disappears and you look down. Unbeknownst to the man standing in front of you, you felt shame. For believing Lucius would be waiting for you.

“How so?”

“He was given permission to go back with an audience from the council” you scoff, rolling your eyes.

“And why he was allowed to go to territory that is not declared Roman by the law yet…. But I can’t go to an island that is less than four hours away, claimed by the empire hundreds of years ago?”

The man gulps, seemingly uncomfortable by your sudden snapping. Your heart beats in anxiety and the anger increases. The first minutes after you awake you already feel the burden of your new present.

“Because he’s an heir…” to that, you can only sigh. Knowing the real answer.

“And I’m a heiress. I’m… a woman”

Rome was free. But as a woman, you probably never would.

“I suggest you rest and prepare for his arrival, princess. You’ll want to be ravishing to negotiate and assume the wedding”

“I haven’t decided if I’ll marry Lucius Verus Aurelius”

“It’s not like you have much of a choice, princess. I’ll send a doctor to check on you” The bitter tone of the man made you frown. You quietly curse him as he leaves the room.

Finally alone again. Like it seemed it would be for the rest of your life.

You should’ve run faster the first time you tried to escape Rome. You should’ve climbed that wall higher, maybe, just maybe none of your disgraces would’ve happened.

You had to go to Marcus’ grave. You had to say goodbye to him. Tell him all the things you couldn’t say the last time. Because he deserved it. To let him know that no matter where your baby and he were, you would always love them.

Lucius meant nothing, you try to lie to yourself.

I won’t be part of a deal, you remember as you look at the renewed Rome.

Suddenly you realize no matter whom you decide to love, you’re always the lover, not the wife.

Always the second option, never the one.

…

Four days later, you realized you had no other choice but to attend the hearing that would determine your future. Where you would face Lucius. If you had seen him once again before he left, many things could’ve been different, you liked to think.

But given the circumstances, you had no desire to see him again. You barely knew the man, of course, he would choose his wife first even when she was dead.

Your mind betrayed you with the idea of Lucius using you just all those nights to find a way to get out of the Colosseum. No matter what, he didn’t visit you, he didn’t bother to see if you were okay. Likely, he never knew you had fallen ill.

Everyone left you behind.

Happened once as a little girl who fell for her best friend, once as a teenager who fell for an older officer who turned General and once as a young woman who fell for a gladiator and turned out to be a missing prince.

With golden brackets that cover your arms and the heaviest earrings, you nervously walked through the long marble halls of the justice building. Near the temple of the god of war, there rested the place where justice was brought.

A guard opened the door for you and once you stepped in, the room was already full.

Every man inside stood up to greet you with a little reverence and you could feel a migraine already coming.

But when your eyes found a blue pair of aquamarine diamonds looking piercingly at you, the anger mixed with nervousness.

Immediately you look away from the prince. As you took a seat at the end of the long table, you could feel him everywhere. As if Lucius was silently begging for you to look at him.

“We reunite here to revoke any charges and penalties addressed to Prince and Princess; Lucius Verus Aurelius and y/n y/l/n”

You barely hear the man speaking, you were only waiting to hear the next part.

“From the power the senate gave us and by the guidance of the gods, said charges and penalties will be revoked by uniting the prince and princess in sacred marriage. Everyone who agrees says accipio…” everyone says the word, and you close your eyes trying to avoid huffing or ending up screaming in disagreement. Your father ascended to the throne rightfully. Every politician voted for him. When he died your brothers were young and naive and remained as so throughout their rule. Your only crime was to conspire against the empire along with Acacius when he was alive.

All a big nonsense.

“Hear hear, now… Do you Lucius Verus Aurelius agree to the terms of conditions of this agreement?” you look up to see the man. He looked different.

His wounds were healing, his hair looked trimmed, his beard styled. Without sweat, blood, and dirt covering his face, he looked gorgeous. Like an actual prince.

Lucius also looks at you. You can’t tell how he feels, but his eyes look hopeful. And his lips are slightly tilted. Was he trying to smile at you?.

“Accipio…” he says, looking away from you.

Your lips sealed shape a full face of anger.

“Do you y/n y/l/n agree to the terms of conditions of these agreements?”

“I would like to resign to my titles”

Gasps could be heard, and a mixture of shock and disapproval was all over the men at the table.

Lucius looks with curiosity at you. But you can see he’s also shocked.

“Princess y/n… you can’t resign” a man says and you roll your eyes.

“Exile me if needed. I can also recommend a handful of women who would be perfect suitors for Lucius Verus Aurelius” As much as you tried to sound calm, you sounded enraged.

“Then I won’t sign the agreement…” Lucius says looking at the same man who spoke first, then at you.

You eye him with confusion, he crosses his strong arms and he intimidates you with his strong gaze.

“I want you or nothing” he admits with tranquility. Which makes you even angrier. But also make your cheeks turn hot after feeling every man in the room exchange awkward looks.

How could he act so cooky and shameless?

Before you can say another thing, you are interrupted.

“If none of you agree, your charges and penalties will prevail. That would lead to several trials, where both of you could end up with death penalties despite being two rightful heirs”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sigh.

You’re so tired, drained from everything.

But you won’t give any man the satisfaction to see you crumbling.

Never again…

“You may constrain me all you want, Lucius Verus Aurelius. But you won’t hear what you want from me today”

The poison filling your voice intoxicated everyone, leaving the room flooding with awkwardness and uncertainty. Lucius and you share looks. There’s an odd warmth that makes you remember how good he was when you first met him. He is not a bad man. But you fell in love with him and overrated him so early.

With the silence reigning, the sound of your chair sliding as you stood up drew all the attention to you again. But you didn’t face anyone, you simply left.

The air hit you and you could already feel the tears threatening to spill.

It’s a shame because it seemed like it was a good day for Rome. You can hear kids playing nearby, and people selling goods while the clear sky warmed the afternoon.

“You really don’t know why I want you, y/n?” You hear behind your back, Lucius approaching with heavy steps, making you wipe your eyes before you turn around to see him.

“I would say to gain power. But I know you don’t want that so no… I’m clueless. All I know is I won’t be part of a deal when all my life I’ve lounged for love”

“I can’t believe you don’t remember…” he responds and you frown, disappointed that he has ignored your words. So rudely, you move away, farther from him.

“Who was there when you fell ill after breaking your bones?” your eyes almost pop out, you stop walking only to slowly turn around again and eye him in shock.

“Who was there when you used to escape the palace and needed someone to accompany you back?” Lucius pleads with every word he lets out, he walks towards you and tries to grab your hands but you slip away from his touch, defying him.

In your shock, you can only sigh as memories start reminiscing in your head. A childhood love that couldn’t be. Which involved some feelings you thought had no meaning. But sure they had. More than you wanted to admit as an adult.

Lucius Aurelius Verus was that little boy that you fell in love with as a child. That little boy disappeared without saying goodbye. A boy you thought you’d never see again.

“I left you and resented it all my life, y/n. Now I can be here for you again. Allow me to retrieve the memories we had…” This time you weren’t fast enough to prevent his touch.

He feels warm and at home. His fingers are calloused and his raspy fingertips slowly caress your knuckles. You want to hold him in your arms and cry from happiness. You want to curse him for making you believe he was dead.

But you are selfish after so much pain.

“Why you didn’t say anything when we met again?” You coldly ask, freezing the warmth he has built.

“I needed to know I could trust you first,” he says apologetically.

There’s so much to talk about. Never in your dreams, you thought you’d have the boy you loved once now turned into a man you must marry.

“Please, y/n. We’ll meet each other again, fill the empty promises we made years ago”

“You knew I was alive all this time. Why did you never come for me? We could have escaped. If I had known you were alive, a lot of my suffering could’ve been prevented” he looks away, he feels guilty.

“You married, Lucius. You were happy before Rome conquered Numidia. And I won’t diminish the death of her. But you moved on… like I never existed”

He grabs both of your hands but you move away.

“I thought you were safe. I had no chance of getting you back, that’s why I married. But when I saw you again at the celebration where I had my first fight…” even when he sounds convincingly remorseful, you still keep the distance.

“I don’t care, Lucius. The only thing I want now is to say goodbye to the only love that mattered while you were gone. I can’t visit his grave now for the charges, and when I marry you, I won’t be able to visit his grave because of it. Don’t act like you are not wanting me as your second choice”

If only you knew, Lucius thought as he watched you leave.

…

As a kid, your father would be delighted whenever you danced in the celebrations he hosted. Your brother Geta and Caracalla would sneak in and try to ruin your performance, they weren’t allowed to attend the parties because of their mother; a whore. Your father’s ginger hair had not spread across the twins’ heads and they certainly not looked anything like your mother. There was a snake hidden in the basket of flowers you carried while dancing. But a gentleman realized earlier and as soon as you dropped it because of the bite, he took you to the doctor. And that night you developed a little crush for the officer Marcus Acacius.

Soon you forgot about the older man when you took food and made your way out of the palace. Near the stables, you had found a safe place. Where you always met with who refused to tell you his name.

So you always called him amicus. You could only refer to him as a friend.

“Amicus…” you called him.

Soon he appeared, with burnt blonde hair, blue eyes, and his kind smile.

“What happened to your hand?” he asked pointing at your bandaged extremity.

“Geta and Caracalla placed a snake on my flower basket”

Your friend huffed, clearly annoyed that they tried to hurt you again.

“I wish I could be there, I would always protect you”

You smiled, caressing his face. You were no stranger to his proximity. At the rough age of nine years old, you two had grown a big friendship.

“But you’re always here for me, amicus”

“I won’t be always…” you frowned confused.

That was the last night you saw your friend; Lucius.

You shake your head, pushing aside the memories. Realizing you are once again in a party, but your father is gone. Nobody sits on the throne, your twin brothers are not around to try to banish you. There is no Acacius to help you and you are no longer a kid.

You wonder why Lucilla never told you his son was alive. That he was your best friend. You understand that probably she didn’t trust you enough, given that you looked like you were on your brother’s side most of the time. Although the reality was very different.

Lucius arrived at the celebration with many people trying to talk to him. His tone was kind, but he felt overwhelmed responding to the variety of questions thrown at his face.

Having all the attention resulted in frustration. He was no god and Rome started seeing him as such thing.

He was a humble man, despite growing up knowing he was a prince, he was accustomed to the peaceful farming life in Numidia. He married and thought he would die as a farmer. But even when he finished a rough day of tending his sprouts and counting seeds, mostly he would go to sleep thinking about you.

Lucius never forgot the little girl he found pacing through the secret passages under Rome. Surely he always knew you were a princess, you were alive and well within the walls of the city he grew to hate.

He thought he was correct in never telling you who he really was. He had no chance to say goodbye, he was forced to leave. For a lot of years, he thought he would never be able to fall in love again, but he found a new love.

As soon as he married, he tried to forget about you. And as much as he loved his wife, he always went back to you. Wondering if you were also married, if you remained as beautiful as you were as a kid, or if you missed him like he missed you.

His answers were given to him when he saw you eating figs and softly arguing with one of your red-haired brothers.

Lucius swore his heart stopped a few seconds before he had to fight under the demand of Macrinus. When he recited poetry, he understood you didn’t know who he was. He locked eyes with you for too long, which made you frown and exchange confused looks with Geta.

But he did a good job because you went to visit him later, realizing you knew only half of the truth.

Lucius never stopped loving you.

He watched you twirl around in a purple dress and he couldn’t help but smile. His need to know who you had transformed into was eating him. The curiosity over your love affair with Acacius and how you ended up on the battlefront of war killing him. And he wished nothing buy you to understand that destiny wanted you to be separated but now there was a chance to heal together and be together.

Although it seemed like you were beyond hurt. Only makes Lucius feel guilty for some reason.

A man from the senate reveals to the party you and Lucius are officially engaged and he knows you must be boiling in anger. Lucius tries to go and talk to you. Assure you that he wasn’t involved in the early announcement. He wanted your consent and forcing you would never fix your anger and resentment.

But when he tried to reach you, you were gone. And he knew to where.

To visit Acacius’ grave.

…

With white roses and a dirty cloak, you arrive at the island. Is smaller than you thought. It’s just a hill.

No gold, no ostentatious mausoleum, just a little mark in the middle of the hill that over the centuries would be swallowed by the Earth. There rests Marcus Acacius.

You swallow hard, hoping to get there before your legs betray you and you end up on the grass crying. After hearing the announcement of the engagement, you sprinted out of there making a mess of fury. Your desire to say goodbye to your love would never become a reality. So you took matters into your own hands and risked three hours of absence in Rome.

Each step adds a little more pain to your chest and you want to leave as fast as possible.

But you remain silent, looking at the little plaque.

Not even beloved General of Rome. Just his name.

“I don’t regret saying that I hated you the last time we talked…” you start, biting your cheek from the inside and frowning, competing against the tears that were already coming.

“I closed my eyes so hard to pretend I wasn’t witnessing your death” The chilly air makes you shriek, it also makes some scary sounds as you talk.

“We had a baby, Acacius. I suppose conceived in Athens. He left me hours after you did. I guess he sensed my bad luck…” you coldly say, attempting to joke with the silence.

“Not of importance anymore. I just came to say goodbye. To thank you for training me, and for making me a strong woman. Thank you for loving me the wrong way…”

“You can rest now, Marcus. Your death was worth it, Rome is free. But I’m not…” Finally, your voice breaks and you start sobbing, weeping, and crying so loudly that your lungs hurt.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be strong enough to come back again, Acacius. Your death will always be the loss of my life but our baby is my little hope. To always remind me that I was very close to having you…” with your legs trembling, you stand up and grab the basket. The flowers are gently placed and your tears fall over his name, washing the accumulated dirt.

“I’ll move on. Because I know that’s what you would’ve wanted. I’ll keep your memory alive. And I’ll never love the same way I did with you. You earned it, Marcus. In life and death…”

Dried from all the tears, suddenly you felt less weight on your shoulders. You feel light and in peace.

In that hill would rest the memories of your past, of the love you gave to that General and what could’ve been.

You leave in silence. And when you step foot in the boat again, you have the strength to smile and realize that you don’t care about anything anymore.

The sense of everything comes into question.

Nothing can hurt you anymore.

…

He’s there when you step a foot into the salty shores of Rome. Lucius looks worried. He gives confident steps until he’s facing you.

“You went to that island. Didn’t you?” He asks judging you, which makes you frown.

“I did…”

“Why are you risking yourself? I had to tell everyone you felt ill” You roll your eyes, not handling his words with patience.

“I have nothing to lose, Lucius. I don’t care anymore if I die right now…” he huffs and slides his fingers through his blonde hair, exasperated.

“Why can you understand you’re the one I want? I want you to be safe. But you can’t stop acting like there is no hope left. Why?”

You finally explode.

“BECAUSE I’M HURT!. You know my brothers never loved me, I thought I had you and you disappeared. I spent years in love with Acacius and when he finally looked down at me, he never chose me above your mother. But he wanted to give me a house, a family. I lost him and that night I lost our baby too, I didn’t even know I was with child. And now everyone’s gone, you’re back but I feel like you are just choosing me because you have no choice” Your lungs so tired of your crying make you ache as you end up sobbing once again.

Lucius immediately places his arms around you. And it’s the first hug someone gives you in a long time. So you sob harder and slide your arms to hold him closer.

“I didn’t know… I’m sorry” he whispers in your ear, one of his hands caressing the back of your head, fingers sliding through your hair.

“You’re not my second option. You were always the first. I choose you all or nothing because I couldn’t before. And now that I have you in my arms, I’m never letting you go”

Lucius feels like the home you never experienced but always dreamed of. His words start soothing you. His words feel bigger, like an oath this time. A healed promise of the one he made as a kid.

“When I looked at you again, I remembered that little girl I used to play with. With her dazzling hair and loving eyes” you look away, to the shore. You never liked receiving compliments.

“Look at me…” his fingers grab your chin and gently, he makes you look at him but you close your eyes after briefly meeting his eyes.

Just like the first time, you get lost in his blue irises. Blue like the sea you traveled, like the sea you once thought would be your way to freedom.

“Please look at me, y/n,” he says pleading, with his warm touch you know you won’t be able to oppose any longer.

Slowly you open your eyes and finally accept his gaze.

“You loved another man and I loved another woman. But we had already marked each other’s hearts before we met them”

Slowly, you nod. He smiles and wipes the tears from your eyes. He looks so gorgeous. You know he means every word. Only a man who did everything to save his mother and free a city would make such a big promise to a woman and beg.

You caress his strong jawline, ignoring the way his beard tickles at your fingers. You smile back at him.

“I love you”

Before he could finish, you kissed him.

…

You hadn’t thought back on your love Acacius in months, but that morning you dedicated the bright sky to him. You hope he’s happy for you.

You look at yourself in a mirror and smile at your reflection.

“Are you ready?” Lucius asked entering the room. Your smile grows at the sight of him dressed in gold and a crown in his head. He also eyes your dress and you blush at the way he is mentally undressing you.

Your husband is possessive, kind, brave, and an emperor.

“Stop staring like that…” he looks back at your eyes and it makes you chuckle.

“Come here…” he pleads and when you try to kiss him you both hear a tiny yelp.

“Oh Lucilla, I’m just trying to kiss your father…”

You had birthed a daughter two months ago in Egypt. And was named after Lucius’ mother. She had matted hair the same color as you and she had the blue eyes of his father.

“I’ll get her…” Lucius carried her and leaned to let you look at yourself tiny baby yawning, as she had woken up from a little nap. Her tiny hands flirt fists and her face scrunched in slumber.

She was a winter baby and every citizen of Rome was waiting to meet the daughter of the emperor and empress.

“So fussy like her father…” you claimed, making Lucius roll his eyes at you.

He had grown patient. A perfect partner and father. You felt lucky and blessed to have him. Thinking all the pain was worth it. Your head would now and then think back on what could’ve been if Acacius had survived, and his baby as well.

But you accepted that in this life, he wasn’t meant to be yours. So you prayed to meet him again in the next one. But for now, you were in the arms of your first love.

“I love you, Lucius…” he seemed lightly surprised, as he was the one that says it more often. But he knows he looks so clumsy and in love.

“Not more than me…” you kiss your daughter’s cheek and then your husband, making him softly gasp as you deepen the kiss.

“Don’t do this to me now, y/n…” you giggle, taking the baby from his arms and leading the way towards the door.

“Wait, satis… I know it’s nonsensical to ask at this point but…Do you think I’m being good at this?” Lucius asks pointing at little Lucilla, you sigh, walking back towards him.

“My love, there is no way of being good at this. But if she knows that we love her and that we’ll be here for her forever, is enough…”

He had his doubts a couple of months after the wedding when you got pregnant.

“You don’t know how proud and thankful I am of you. You decided to agree and give me a family after so much pain, satis” You form a smile grin, opting to avoid the memories of your old love. Because that was the past, sacred to you but still the past.

“We deserved it, Lucius.” He nods, taking your free hand.

“I have the feeling that this one will be a boy…” you say pointing at your still-flat stomach.

“Whatever it is… as long as you’re the mother, it’ll be okay”

You both exit the room hand in hand, hearing the excited crowd outside waiting.

_________________

PAUL X PEDRO X READER FIC IS COMING, COMMENT TO BE TAGGED :)

I won’t ever ever ever write a fanfic where a Pedro character dies again. NEVER AGAIN! I don’t care if you think this was cringe, I cried a lot while writing on different days. I love Lucius but in my head Acacius never died, so from now on if I write for him, he WON’T DIE.

[auggieblogs]

Love grows | Lando Norris Instagram au

Lando Norris x fem! reader

* ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which Lando and his girlfriend are disgustingly in love (and they are making it everyone's problem)

Author's note: Hello, beautiful people. Hope you all are having a good day/night!!! If you can't tell already I am hopelessly, completely and irretrievably in love with Lando and yes everyone has to hear about it (forgive me for I am insuffreable). Anyways, happy reading<3

―୨୧⋆ ˚masterlist

yn.jpg

liked by landonorris, pierregasly, and 136,801 others

yn.jpg muse.

tagged landonorris and arlo.dawg

comments:

username wow haha I am so normal about them (not)

username bf lando, my beloved

username the way he's looking at her in the second pic???

username I need to lay down username I need to be put down (in a grave) username DEAR GOD I SEE THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE FOR OTHERS

username I just know Lando is currently giggling and kicking his feet in the air, twirling his hair even

oscarpiastri can confirm

username "muse" GOOD FUCKING BYE

landonorris what do you have to say for yourself, now that I'm crying

I love you I love you I love you *liked by yourusername* I will do anything you for, you're the best thing ever yourusername will you eat sushi with me? landonorris anything for my baby!!!! carlossainz55 damn.

username I want what they have

username love how both arlo and lando can sleep anywhere

username I am sick to my stomach, they are too cute

charles_leclerc Arlo💓💓💓

*liked by landonorris and yourusername*

mclaren we can't have our driver giggling and blushing like a teen girl in the middle of a practice session, y/n🙄

landonorris OH SHUT UP

username bwahhah not the admin exposing Lando😭

yourusername sorry admin, can't help it. He's too pretty😞

username sleepover on the highway it is then

username y/n is better than me because if someone looked at me the way lando looks at her I would physically combust

lando.jpg

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername and 789,235 others

lando.jpg love grows, where my y/n goes:))

tagged yourusername and yndoesart

comments:

username word.

username never beating the y/n lovebot allegations

username she. is. so. pretty.

username GOD REALLY HAS FAVOURITES HUH

yourusername "my y/n" blushing so hard rn

just fell to my knees in a wallmart parking lot

I will kiss your face. I LOVE YOU

landonorris right back at you, baby (I love you more)

*liked by yourusername*

maxverstappen1 what are you doing in a wallmart parking lot?

username sunshine in human form!!!🌞

username no bc she looks huggable

arlo.dawg mum💞🤭

username man is IN LOVE SHGSSKKSKD

username just stalked her art account, so she's beautiful and incredibly talented????

f1 Great artwork in the first picture👏💯

*liked by landonorris and yourusername*

yourusername awh thank you!!!

landonorris one of my favs actually;)

username crying, screaming, shaking, throwing up, pulling out my hair, bashing my head into the wall & going apeshit

username love how they both are equally whipped for each other

danilericciardo whipped is an understatement

landonorris don't hate us for being in love🙏🏻

username mhmmmm who's joining me for Russian roulette?

username MY Y/N? MY Y/N??? I AM ACTUALLY SOBBING

[love-belle]

you are my sunshine !!!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which she's their sunshine and it's sunshine's birthday.

or

for when you find the people you can call home. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

social media au // lando norris x fem!reader

warnings - language

author's note - hello!!! i really hope u like this one!!! also, i have more than 20+ requests in my inbox at the moment so if you've requested something, it may take some time for me to post them, so sorry about that ://// thank u so much for reading, i love you <3

≡;- ꒰ °twitter ꒱

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by landonorris, lilymhe, alex_albon and 863,229 others

yourusername the kind of radiance u only have at (23) 17

6,528 comments

username OH MY GOD

username HELLO??????

username SO FUCKING PRETTY I SCREAMED

username lando. me n u. mcdonald's parking lot. ur catching these hands.

carmenmmundt happiest birthday to my fav person EVER!!! i love you so much baby, thank you for always fixing everything with just a smile ❤️❤️❤️

-> yourusername CARMEN IM GONNA CRY??? i love you so so so so so much like ur like my fav person ever thank u ❤️❤️❤️

username HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN ❤️‍🩹

*liked by yourusername*

username dumped my bf for u omg

username THE TAYLOR SWIFT LYRICS

username hahahahahah!!!!! just fell in love!!!!!!!!

username my bisexual awakening

alex_albon hbd.

-> yourusername ty.

-> username not these two acting they're they're not BEST friends 😭😭😭

username lando just so u know it's OUR girlfriend now

username JAW DROPPED

lilymhe been looking at this for 10 mins

-> yourusername blushing omg

lilymhe u lowk need to find another caption for ur bday post bc u have been using this since u turned 17

-> yourusername it's my bday leave me ALONE

username SHE'S SO PRETTY LIKE IM SO AHHHSHSH

username happiest bday to one who made lando a simp 😌 we love u so much

username i want her so bad

landonorris HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEE YOU SO MUCH

-> yourusername LANDO THANK U SO MUCH I LOVE YOU

landonorris hahahaha can i get your no. are you single are you free this friday do you have a boyfriend

-> yourusername i have a girlfriend lilymhe

-> lilymhe back off norris

-> landonorris wow.

username genuinely in awe rn LIKE

lewishamilton happiest birthday y/n 🤍 have the best day ahead!! cannot wait to see you and lando tonight!!

-> yourusername LEWIS THANK U ‼️‼️‼️ see u tonight im so excited 🔥🔥🔥

username she's so girlboss i love her

username HER.

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, carlossainz55, pierregasly and 986,318 others

landonorris happiest birthday to my person, my love, my y/n. you're easily the most sunshine-y person i have ever met and i love you so much, even if you love lily more than me. i remember telling you about my favourite flower and the very next day, you showed up with a bouquet full of white roses and a cheesy card and that was when i knew that i wanted to spend all of my lifetimes with you. here's to growing old but never growing up. have the happiest day ahead, darling ❤️

tagged yourusername

username ask me if im ok

-> username are u ok

-> username BITCH NO

username SOVBINF

username babe wake up new y/n pics just dropped

pierregasly happy birthday to the actual goat 🐐

*liked by yourusername*

username the caption has me rolling on the floor

username dead deceased six feet under decomposed decaying gone

username they're so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

lilymhe glad u acknowledged her loving me more than u

-> landonorris you're still banned from our home

-> yourusername no she's not. lily ❤️❤️❤️

-> landonorris and to think i spent half an hour to choose these photos..

-> yourusername sorry babe 🫤

username SHE'S SO SUNSHINE GIRLY

username MOTHER

username she could step on me and i would say thank u

charles_leclerc the og queen 🔥

*liked by landonorris*

username MY PERSON MY LOVE MY Y/N

username further proof of if he wanted to he would

yourusername brb sobbing

-> landonorris OMG PLEASE DON'T

yourusername omg

yourusername ahahahahahaha i love you???

-> landonorris i love you.

yourusername thank u thank u thank u

yourusername frrr ur the best part of my life, ur what i imagined daylight to be like thank u for making me the happiest idk how i got so lucky with u

-> landonorris i love you ❤️

username shakespeare's been real quiet since lando wrote this caption

username they're MY parents

username MY Y/N

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, francisca.cgomes, landonorris and 782,825 others

lilymhe to my soul sister, my best friend, my partner in crime, my 3am call since forever, happy happy happy birthday, my love. there's good in this world and i found a LOT of it in you, thank you so much for being my sunshine on days where everything got too hard. i love you so much, to the moon and to saturn. ( landonorris, suck on the caption)

tagged yourusername

username OH MY GOD

username THE CAPTION HELLO

username i sobbed ngl

username MY SOUL SISTE MY BEST FRIEND MY PARTNER IN CRIME MY 3AM CALL SINCE FOREVER

carmenmmundt 🤍🤍🤍

*liked by lilymhe*

username gfs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username i love them sm wtf

username NOT HER TAGGING LANDO

-> username their (fake) beef is too funny like 😭😭😭😭

francisca.cgomes missing you both so much!!!

-> lilymhe can't wait to see you next week <3

username the wags being best friends ❤️❤️❤️

username this post gave me sm serotonin thank u

username Y/N IS THE DEFINITION OF SUNSHINE GIRLY AND I LOVE HER SM FOR THAT

username they're so ❤️❤️❤️🫤🫤🫤😭😭😭‼️‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥😘😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

alex_albon i better be getting a caption this long on my bday

-> lilymhe we'll see

-> yourusername just accept that i'm her fav ❤️

username I LOVE THEM SM

username women friendships are so precious to me like ❤️❤️❤️

username further proof that love stories are not always romantic

*liked by yourusername and lilymhe*

landonorris fuck you stop trying to steal my girlfriend

-> lilymhe *OUR girlfriend

-> yourusername love all of my bitches equally ❤️

username HER TAGGING LANDO IS SENDING ME 😭😭😭😭😭

yourusername do u want me to cry???? lily i love you so much ❤️❤️❤️ thank u so much for always being there for me like i don't know what i did so good in my past life to have YOU as my best friend but i'm so glad i do, i love you ❤️

-> lilymhe i love you so much bae ❤️❤️❤️

username their friendship is so pure like

username lando and alex who???? it's y/n and lily

≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱

liked by yourusername, landonorris, lilymhe and 798,928 others

alex_albon happy birthday to the only person i'd want to sit beside me in prison. thank you so much for years of memories, laughing till we cried, going on stupid adventures together that got us yelled at by lily and here's to a lot more. i love you, i guess, even though you made my girlfriend love you more. have a good one, you stupid. time to start buying anti-wrinkle cream.

tagged yourusername

6,728 comments

username HELP OMG

username the WILD contrast between lily's and alex's caption

username NO BC THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS GOALS LIKE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

danielricciardo "stupid adventures" and it's just the august incident.

-> yourusername OMG THE AUGUST INCIDENT

-> lewishamilton we agreed not to speak of that x

-> georgerussell63 alex and y/n have done questionable shit growing up but the august incident will forever top the list

-> carlossainz55 that was scary, no?

-> landonorris I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT

-> maxverstappen1 no because charles almost cried

-> charles_leclerc I DID NOT

-> pierregasly you did, mate

-> alex_albon we DON'T talk about it

-> lilymhe still disappointed in all of you

-> username WHAT IS THE AUGUST INCIDENT

-> username HELLO???? WE NEED DETAILS????

-> username nah bc what'd they do 😭😭😭

username this caption made me drop to the floor and roll down the stairs

username BEST FRIENDS

username no bc they're definitely the kind of duo that would go to jail and get bailed out by their partners

-> username lily would SO be the disappointed mom and gf

-> username meanwhile lando is just along for the ride

username LILY ALEX Y/N LANDO 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

username NOT ANTI WRINKLE CREAM

lilymhe of COURSE she loves me more than she loves you, have you seen me???

-> yourusername i have and let me tell you, woah.

-> lilymhe 😘

-> alex_albon out of my comment section you hoes

username LILY AND Y/N WILL FOREVER BE THE SUPERIOR DUO

username im so ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username WORM ON THE STRING

-> username they're so unserious i love them

landonorris my girl my girl my girl my girl my girl ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-> alex_albon you're literally sitting on her lap rn

-> landonorris ok and?

-> username LANDO SITTING ON HER LAP HELP

-> username nah it's cause it's so babygirl like ❤️❤️❤️

-> username real like ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

username i love their friendship ur honour

yourusername thank you for making the best decision of ur life and meeting lily, it's bc of u that i found my wife ❤️❤️❤️ forever grateful dude

-> alex_albon no problem bro

yourusername and thank u for listening to me shit talk about people i hate and then shit talking with me

-> alex_albon our shit talking sessions are so fun, we're so mean and i love that

username I NEED FRIENDS LIKE THIS WTF

username AHHSHHSHDBXBXNDNS

[coichii]

22:43 - HYUNJIN

pairing - nerd!bf!hyunjin ♥︎ fem!reader

genre: angst, comfort & college AU

word count: 0.7k

warnings: negative self talk & swearing like once

A/N : this is very self indulgent bc 2 weeks in and math is already eating my ass ! also I’m sorry if this sounds rushed 🙏🏾 like I said math is beating me rn

“Ok, then after that you carry the x and combine the common factors.” He says, but to be honest, it all sounds like gibberish to you.

Math is the hardest subject to master in your eyes. All those formulas and variables go in one ear and out the other.

Hyunjin, being the incredibly smart and sweet boyfriend he is, kindly offered to help you. Of course you gladly accepted his help, but it would be a lie say you weren’t 5 seconds away from crying.

You groan, throwing your head down on your hands. You couldn’t understand a thing. The feeling of inferiority and stupidity were wracking your brain.

“Im so stupid, why can’t I understand this.” and more self deprecating thoughts were going through your mind. You hadn’t even realized that you had started crying, or that hyunjin was trying to get your attention.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?!” You hear his voice cut through your thoughts. He looks at you, obviously panicked from your sudden outburst. “I- I don’t know, i’m just s-so-“ You can't finish before a fresh set of tears and choked sobs are coming from your body.

Immediately he’s moving to hold you in his arms, stroking your lower back as you continue to cry. Quiet praises and hushes come out of his mouth, small kisses being placed to either side of your face.

It takes you a while to get yourself together again, choked sobs turning into small hiccups. You look up at hyunjin, a small, warm smile plastered on his lips.

“Can you tell me what happened, my love?” His voice sounds gentle, slighting healing the current tears in your heart. “I don’t k-know i think I got a little frustrated” You lie. You didn’t want to tell everything about how you were feeling to him.

It’s not that you didn’t trust him, you just didn’t want to be so vulnerable. However, he obviously caught this.

“You’re more than a little frustrated. Tell me what’s wrong so I can help you baby, that’s all I want to do for you.” The way he says it and looks, has all your walls opening immediately.

“I’ve just been so stressed. I can’t keep up hyune i can’t. I can’t stop myself from comparing me to my classmates. They’re so much better than i am. They don’t cry under the littlest bit of pressure, and they certainly aren’t crying over fucking calculous. I just.. don’t know what to do anymore.” You trail off at the end, heat rushing to your cheeks in embarrassment, even more so from his lack of response. You’re about to apologize for ranting before his voice cuts yours off.

“Oh Y/n, i wish you could see your self through my eyes.” He starts, eyes warm. “You really don’t know how absolutely intelligent you are. You got into this amazing school, your writing is so beautiful it brings me to tears, the way you explain your work is so incredible, and so much more. You are the smartest person I know baby, don’t compare yourself to anyone else you hear me. Not understanding something doesn’t and will never ever make you dumb.”

All you can do is hug and kiss him. The thoughts of inferiority don’t disappear, but they are definitely drowned out by the love of your life’s words.

You pull away, flashing him a bright smile, which he gladly reciprocates. “Now, why don’t you say we take a break and watch some spirited away, hmm?”

“But love, we still have all this left to finish.” You frown. You don’t want to pull him away from his own work just for you. “It’s okay, I honestly think I could use the break too.”

You sigh as you agree, his puppy eyes he starting staring at you becoming to much to handle.

As you get up, packing away your belongings, you can’t help but to think just how lucky you got to have a boyfriend as smart, loving, and caring as him.

back to masterlist

[orphicdreamers-wp]

Girl Of My Dreams — Mat Barzal

Summary: In which Mat Barzal inadvertently falls for the oldest Hughes sibling and her brothers aren’t happy.

Content Warning; Taylor swift 1989 isn’t by Tay(its by reader) Mentions of University of Alabama (reader went there) Trevor Zegras being hopelessly in love with reader. Readers social media face claim is Addison Rae bc idc she’d clear as a WAG for a athlete.

Pairing: Mat Barzal x Hughes! Reader.

Mat would be lying if he said he didn’t sneak glances at the announcers box after meeting you. You had been carrying a plate of food and two margaritas to your booth where your friends sat. Tito had made a joke about you seeming familiar then the pair heard your voice and knew, “Alright now, eat up because y’all are bumming me out.” Mat’s jaw slacked, “He’d known that the Islanders had gotten a new game announcer who was a girl but he wouldn’t have known it was you. You were effortlessly stunning, you had captivated the attention of every straight man in the bar. Mat had approached you as you sat at the bar, “I’m Mat, can I buy you a drink?”

You grinned and spoke, southern accent slipping out, “I’m Y/N, I mean Barzy after the way you played last game? You better buy me a drink. ‘Yknow how many hate comments my broadcast got?” Mat grinned as the bartender approached you, “Another Corona Light and whatever she’s having on me.” You grinned sheepishly, “I’m fucking with you. I’ve heard worse.” Mat grinned, “So now would probably be a shitty time to ask you out?” You smiled at him, “Maybe not.” Mat smiled, “If I may, your not from New York are you? Where are you from?” You grinned, “I grew up in Toronto with my 3 younger brothers and moved to Alabama for college and been in New York for a few months now.” Mat grinned, “Well welcome to New York beautiful.” That was a year and a half ago. You still hadn’t told your brothers who your boyfriend was, just that his name was Mathew. Until your album release came creeping in and you wanted to go public with Mat.

Instagram

ynhughes; my album ‘1997’ is now streaming! thank you for all your support(especially the bf, ‘slut’ and ‘suburban legends’ are 4 us)

barzal97: celebrating you is my favorite pastime. i have never met someone who people gravitate towards more than you. you are by far the most wonderfully amazing woman i know. it is a privilege to say i love you🤎 this past year or so has changed my life. you make living easy and so so much better. i can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you.

trevorzegras: alexa play that should be me💔💔

ynhughes: forever in awe of you mathew barzal. amazed a gal like me is lucky enough to be adored by you🤎

oliviarodrigo; THEY HIT THE PENTAGON!! @conangray

>conangray; told you it was them i saw at radio music hall!

ny_islanders; our roman empire is all the sweet posts for to y/n today🥹🥹

sydneyemartin: brb crying. the purest people in the world. so grateful my girls get to grow up seeing a love this pure that isn’t their parents.

>ynhughes: we adore your girls more than words can express.

_quinnhughes: my biggest inspiration is out here killing it. in awe of you everyday sissy🥹 thank you for being my best friend from day 1

ynhughes: in a puddle of tears quinny. thank you for always being on my side, even when im wrong.

sabrinacarpenter; hockey players making me ugly sob wasn’t on my 2023 bingo card

elhughes; my first babies🥹 extremely emotional over you all today

>_quinnhughes: we love you momma💕

jackhughes: 1997 reasons to love my meanie head sister, i guess her bf’s alright

ynhughes: i love you little brat, come visit me and mat!!

>jackhughes: will do, sissy🫡

trevorzegras: i can’t believe she won’t date me 😞😞

>ynhughes: buck up z, your way too young for me. perfect age for @sabrinacarpenter tho!

lukehughes: the worlds best big sister came out with the best album to date

ynhughes; really feeling the hughes love train today, i need to plan for all of us to be together soon! so y’all can meet Mat!

etnow; this just in; the Hughes brothers have brought tears to my eyes supporting their sister

barzal97: the third picture is actually the most accurate representation of your sister now

>lukehughes; always messing with those darn cats! even if they are on the side of the street.

[alohajun]

hi are you open for requests? If you aren’t just ignore this but, If you are could I ask if you could do something cute and fluffy with dobby? Like just cuddles with him or soft fluffy kisses with him always giving the reader Princess treatment (and calling them princess bcs I swear that is his go to pet name😩)

♡ RIDICULOUSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU — KIM DOYOUNG

bf!doyoung x fem!reader | wc : 0.7k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, established relationship, fluff, use of petnames (princess, baby) | loki's lines : i've been mia for a hot minute and this was long fucking overdue, i'm so sorry! i really hope you like this! <3

“wait, princess! i’ll get it! don’t you worry about a thing!”

doyoung exclaimed, making you sigh as he dropped to his knees, finding the utmost joy in tying your shoelaces for you.

you smiled at his excitement. “i had it, baby,” you told him, though you knew he would make some excuse to explain himself.

“i know you did, princess. i just want to help you out however i can.”

“can you get any sweeter than you already are?”

your boyfriend chuckled, shaking his head. “there you go.” he tightened your laces, smiling at you. “now you won’t fall for anyone else.” he grinned at your reaction.

“you’ve set the bar too high, doyoung,” you confessed. “i don’t think i’d ever find anyone better than you.”

doyoung’s smile only widened, grateful for your words that never failed to lift his mood. he held the door open for you, a love-struck look on his face as he looked at you.

“i’m glad to hear that, princess. because i don’t want anyone else either. just you and only you.”

“are you sure there’s nothing i can get you, princess? you don’t have to hold back. tell me anything you want, and i’ll get it for you.”

kim doyoung asked, wrapping his arms around you as you two sat on your bed.

“i’m fine,” you mumbled in reply. “just want you near.”

“of course, my love.” he frowned, unhappy that he couldn’t do anything more. “i’m not going anywhere.”

after spending the night watching movies, the two of you fell asleep, only for doyoung to be awoken by you screaming in your sleep.

he quickly woke you from your nightmare, holding onto you as you sobbed quietly. he patted your back gently, muttering words of assurance, hoping it’d make you feel better.

“you wanna talk about it?” he asked softly, running his hands through your hair. “or do you wanna be distracted?”

“i, uh … could i talk about it?”

“of course, princess. you can start whenever you want. no rush.”

you ran the words through your head, wondering how to phrase your sentence.

“i had a nightmare,” you quietly mumbled. “you left me. said y-you found someone else.”

doyoung pouted, understanding why you were crying in your sleep now. “oh, baby. i'm so sorry about that.” he patted your back, placing a chaste kiss on your forehead.

“i know it's not real.”

“but?”

you sniffled, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. “but it felt so real. i just wanted to make sure you didn’t really leave me,” you mumbled quietly.

doyoung cupped your face in his hands, making sure you were looking at him. “i’m here, my love. i’m right here. and i’m never going anywhere. always remember that, yeah?” he smiled kindly.

you nodded at his words. “yeah, i will. i love you, doyoung.” you murmured softly.

“and i love you, princess. more than anything in this world.”

“princess.”

doyoung uttered, his voice soft and gentle as he looked over at you, his eyes filled with nothing much affection.

the two of you were on the couch, tangled up in each other’s limbs as you two watched your favorite show on television. though you were the one who seemed to be watching the show while doyoung was watching you.

“hm?” you tilted your head towards him, meeting his gaze with a soft smile. “yeah, baby?”

doyoung only shook his head, his eyes filled with mischief and adoration. “nothing, princess, just wanted to call you that.” he pressed a soft, chaste kiss on your forehead, the action making your heart skip a beat every single time.

you giggled at his words. “you cheeseball.” you quipped, even though your cheeks had flushed deeply, clearly affected by his sweet words.

“ah, you love it, princess.” he retorted, wrapping his arms around you, pressing kisses all over your face as you burst into a fit of giggles. “don’t you, princess?”

“dobi, stop.” you placed your hands on his chest, trying to pull yourself away from his affectionate attack. “you are ridiculous, you know that?”

despite your words, your heart swelled with happiness, content with just laying there in your boyfriend’s arms, listening to his sweet voice all day long.

doyoung only smiled victoriously as he saw the way you looked at him, capturing your lips in a gentle kiss, unable to help himself as he looked at your face.

“ridiculously in love with you is what i am, princess.”

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[sammyluvr]

stanford sam is my bf who wears shirts slightly too small and i can see a sliver of his tummy and his happy trail and if not that it’s the sweaters a little too big so he has mini sweater paws and he goes to all of my games and he always takes me to ice cream afterwards win or lose he’s just so proud always. helps with my classwork bc he wants me to pass my classes and knows i’m busy with sports and a job (he definitely works on a cafe near campus too whoever came up with that ily) and we take a morning jog together and we grab breakfast before class and i visit him when he’s at work and we watch shitty shows together hoping to find a series worth watching and we watch bad horror movies. the simplicities <3

anon you can't start with that . you can't start with stanford sam wear shirts slightly too small so i can see a sliver of his tummy and his happy trail.... and if not that... it's the sweaters a little too big so he has mini sweater paws..... you can't start like that i'll go coo coo crazy and die. and before dying i sob on the floor because he's not real and he's not mine. except he is. he's real and he's mine just because i said so.

GAWD smooches for your brain because this is basically everything i think about... the simplicities !!! always always the simplicities. i can't even get enough of them with him. never never ever.

him taking you out to ice cream after all your games :(((( i'm actually sobbing at that, it's so cute :(( wagh i love helpful studious sam...

omg sam would love love love a partner who'd go on morning jogs with him, or at least walks that's so sweet. actually i need all of this so bad i need him to be happy and able to enjoy the small things. crying about him now :(( i adore him to no end sigh <333

[cur-sedd]

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?₊˚⊹

UHM are yall okay?? 😭 the last time i checked i was at like 10 followers and now im at like 40?? Almost 40, its 39 as of posting this. THANK YOU GUYS??? Still shocked!! Also so sorry for not posting last week, i broke up with my bf so i decided to take a small break from everything in general <//3 I will try my best to post once a week though <33

MDNI!! NSFW CONTENT AFTER THE READ MORE!!

╰┈➤Vampire!Ot5, subby!kai, softdom(?)!taehyun, subby!soobin (?), not rlly sure for gyu and yeonjun sobs, mentions of biting here and there, blowjobs obvi, cumming eating/ swallowing cum. OH OMFG and inexperienced!Kai, and hair playing!! gn!reader. if i missed anything lmk!

You plop down onto the couch, snuggling up against your boyfriend, a nice popsicle to soothe your late night cravings. Opening up the wrapper you see your boyfriend eye you every now and then before going back to his phone. One arm wrapped around you as happily had your popsicle, watching on your TV “Baby?” He mumbled, placing his phone down and turned to you. You respond with a small ‘hm’ eyes still glued to the TV. You felt him grab your hand and place it on his hard cock. Immediately, you whip your head to him, shock filled your eyes as you mutter his name. “Can you suck me like that popsicle..please?” 

Yeonjun✩ -you stared at him as he stuck his lower lip out - “that was so smooth” you laughed. - MOANS! Guys this man has the prettiest moans when you give him head fr -would bite his hands to not be too loud bc its late -fr though if he was not stifling those moans, your neighbors would give a noise complaint LMAO - would grab your hair to ground himself - he would defo push your head down on himself just to hear those cute gags its such a turn on for him -he would cum in your mouth and then force you to swallow

Soobin✩ -the look that you gave him, he was so shy abt it too LMAO -”never did i imagine you of all people would say that.” “its not my fault im horny.” -soft, staccato “ah, ah, ah” would leave this man’s lips and its like heaven - after every moan he would smile here and there, flashing those fangs oml -he isnt very loud in general but when you give him head its just another thing -binnie is like begging you to keep going -he would buck his hips up bc i feel like he is so sensitive!! -would ask if you could swirl your tongue around his pink tip - he defo would cum v messily like he would js pull out and cum all over your face KHSBGDHV

Beomgyu ✩ -you were more confused than shocked, thinking he misspoke -”what??” “i said please!” “please for what?” “Dont make me beg, i’ll get harder” LMAO - more grunts than moans, though when he does let a moan peep out, it sounds so subby? Like hello?? -melting under your mouth fr -i would say he isnt as loud as soobin but he isnt as quiet as Yeonjun either -okay but gyu would be so like? Switchy??? from like “little piece of shit, making me all horny and hot for no reason” to “thats it, fuck! Good job- FUCK! Do that again. Youre doing so good.” -The way he would look at you when you suck him off?? Its like so loving yall KASHBDGHV - He literally trying his best to hold himself together but the longer yall go the more is just much more whiner.  -”gonna cum and your gonna swallow no matter what.” -YALL HE WOULD CUM INTO UR MOUTH AND THEN LIKE FORCE YOU TO PUT UR TONGUE OUT TO VERIFY YOU SWALLOWED AHHH -got hard again bc he thought of yall fucking and him like biting and licking the fresh bite -someone jail me, my vampire!beomgyu is feral Taehyun✩ -Taehyun is much more unexpected than Soobin tbh. I feel like he would js say it out of nowhere catching you off guard -”im? Was a popsicle all it took?” “i guess so bc im hard now so i mean its a win win” -he is so quiet like tyun sir please -on top of that its more like fucking WHIMPERS -You would look up every now and then js to see if like he is okay, or if he is liking it. -ofc the silly noticed and he would caress your hair to show you he alright -very soft tbh! Soft and loving, its so cute JKHDGJHG -would you reward you with v rough sex later though with biting bc other than sitting there and looking pretty, his teeth have OTHER USES!! -he’ll end up pulling out and cumming on your shirt bc he wanted to take a shower before fucking you ruthless -maybe if he is extra eager he’ll ask you to join him in the shower and fuck you there hehe

Huening Kai ✩ -BIG DICK KAI BIG DICK KAI BIG DICK KAI! -tbh i feel like you sort of expected this from kai but not THAT quick.  -if soobin was shy, kai was shy-er  -”but but you dont have to do it im- fuck im sorry-” “no- kai, baby its okay!! Why are you stressing?” “Your pretty mouth is gonna suck me off, who wouldnt be stressed in that situation?” -LOUDD he is so loud - and poor bby he is trying so hard to be quiet too -mumbles shit like “nngh! I cant i cant.. No please keep going.” “feels so good!” -i feel like he would struggle to talk while getting head -would bite his shirt to try and quiet himself down -that only make him louder so he resorted to his hand -with his free hand though he is playing with your hair, holding your head down while he bucked his hips up -also very sensitive !! stop i love him sm aughh AND INEXPERIENCED!! -he would normally cum outside of ur mouth but if its very special or he is js extra horny he’ll cum inside without any warning whatsoever LMFAOO

(a/n: also i forgot to thank my mooties for reblogging my stuff, i love yall hehe. This doesnt rlly make sense in the vampire aspect but it does in my world bc 1) this whole thing was a dream i had and 2) i have my own vampire world for my silly autistic hyperfixation saurr 😭 i didnt want to write anything too gorey)

[coupsjin]

home

╰┈➤ bf!joshua x (student) afab reader

╰┈➤ after a dramatic family dinner with joshua and your parents, he comforts you at home

╰┈➤ warnings: parental issues, angst (not with josh), pet name, lmk if i should add any more!

a/n: the fact that my chest PHSYICALLY hurt when writing this omg. this was so comforting to me bc of recent academic stress. i hope it can be some kind of comfort to you too - don't give up :)

wc: <1k

you sigh. "why can't you just understand!?" you yell, infuriated at your parents.

you had recently enrolled in college, originally studying business administration. after going to class for a few months, you found yourself falling out of love of the fantasy of owning your own business. you wanted to switch majors, taking a gap year to really explore yourself and decide what you want to dedicate your life to. this was the first time brining it up with your parents.

they clearly opposed the idea. you never had the best relationship with your parents, but you still thought it was right to visit once in a while. and this day, joshua was accompanying you.

"although it's good to know yourself better... this is still not right." your father sternly says, staring into your burning eyes.

"when have you ever cared about my future, dad?! really, tell me when. because the last time i remember, you were trying your absolute best to get me out of the house." you were crying now, streams of hot anger burning down your cheeks.

joshua tightly grips your hand, rubbing your palm with his thumb.

"don't cry, baby. you just do what you want, okay?" he whispers, catching the attention of your mother.

"do what she wants?! i can tolerate you, y/n, but not your moron of a boyfriend who only knows how to sing." your mother says while glaring at joshua, who stares at her back with calm but heartbroken eyes.

that was when she crossed the line. she could say all she wanted about you, saying how you were a failure and you can't commit yourself to something - but not joshua. he was the one thing keeping you going, comforting you on nights where you just wanted to give up everything. crying on his shoulder while him having his hand rub your tired back was your only beam of support. you had lost the support of your friends, and now your family.

"what the HELL is your problem, mom?!" you screamed, echoing in the large dining room. you put down your fork, "your only daughter isn't happy. doesn't that mean anything to you? i work day and night for a degree i don't even want. i work sleepless nights for professors i don't even l-"

"you are not my daughter anymore."

you stare at your mother, a tear dropping out of your eye. you felt as though a knife was stabbed through your chest, six words you never would've thought to hear.

joshua was now concerned. you were now frantically sobbing, trying to take in precious air between your long sobs.

"come on, we're going home." he grabs your arm, leading your shaking body off your chair. "thank you for the dinner."

no matter how mad he was at your parents, he at least needed to be polite. he held your shaking shoulders, leading you out of the house and into his car. he starts driving fast, his heart physically hurting every sob he heard leave your mouth.

"baby... are you ready to talk about it?" he asked after your sobs had died down into a cry.

"n.. no" you say, the first syllable getting separated by a hiccup. "i just want... to go home."

"okay honey, take your time. let's talk about it while i'm holding you at home, okay?" he glances at you often, wanting to kiss your swollen red eyes. his hands don't leave you, softly squeezing your thighs or holding your still-shaking hands.

when you arrive home, you immediately collapse on the floor. face buried in your tear stained hands, your muffled sobs surprised shua who is still outside at the car. he rushes to you, leaving his car door open. he rushes to your side, closing the door behind him and kneeling in front of you. he moves you to the wall so you can have something to lean on. he takes your shaking hands in his, tearing up.

"i'm here now, shh" a tear rolls down his face, frustrated that this is happening to you, his entire world. he pulls himself together, leading you through deep breaths.

"breath in," he takes a deep breath, and you copy him to the best of your abilities. you're still shaking, but looking into his eyes while breathing made you feel a little better.

"i'm sorry for dragging you in like this, i never thought it would get this bad i-"

"don't. nothing is your fault. you hear me?"

you feel another wave of tears approaching. but instead of burying your face in your hands, you bury your body into his. he catches you, kissing the top of your head while reassuring you until your shakes stopped. after a while you pull away:

"are you a little better now?" he asks, still looking at you with concerned eyes.

"yes," you reply, your voice still a little shaky. "thank you, shua."

he carries you to his bedroom, spending the rest of the night talking and watching your favourite movie.

[wonwooslibrary]

svt as boyfriends ♡ wonwoo edition

member: wonwoo x gn!reader genre: fluff, bullet points :3 word count: 876 summary: wonu's gamer bf era warnings: none !! just know that i am in love with jeon wonwoo. (me saying things like that is what makes it hard to see i'm a junhui ult on this blog) author's note: happy wonwoo day !!!!! summer is about half way over :( but I hope this wonu boyfriend au will make you feel better <3

There is absolutely no way that the Jeon Wonwoo is not the “gamer bf” 

I have some very specific thoughts about boyfie Wonwoo so buckle your seatbelts and make sure to keep all hands and feet in the cart while it is in motion 

Quality Time 

Jeon Wonwoo is the king of quality time!! 

He would so much rather just chill with you at home than go anywhere 

Hates parties and only goes to them if another member of svt is hosting it because he’ll feel bad if he doesn’t spend time with his brothers 

Feels uncomfortable around your friends but will go with you to see them anyway because as long as he’s with you, he’s happy 

ABSOLUTELY loves when you ask if you can join him when he is gaming! 

If you play games a lot, he’ll be all pouty when you beat him at something like Call of Duty, but if you don’t play games a lot, you’ll be pouty when you find out he let you win at Mario Kart

He would also love to just have cuddle time where he reads his articles online and you just game on your phone, read a novel or something

Words of Affirmation

THIS MAN IS FSDKJFNSDKJ so good at affirmation pls I could sob just thinking about it 

He never fails to make you feel worthy, and perfect ! 

Always compliments you when he’s watching you do something, like if you win a race in Mario Kart he’d be saying something like “I’m so proud of you, good job!” even if it is something simple 

He’ll be over the freaking moon if you tell him you got a promotion at work, he’ll go on a rant about how much he loves you and will be on your side no matter what 

Do pet names count as words of affirmation bc Wonu is the type to say something like “babygirl/babyboy”, “sweetie” or “sweetheart” aaaaa

Just imagine him being like “good morning, sweetheart” AAAA sorry i’m in love-

Anyway Wonu is amazing at compliments and also loving you 

Physical Touch 

Is awkward lmao but he will try his best 

He would love to rest his head on you, if you’re taller, in between your shoulder blades while back-hugging you, but if you’re shorter, on your shoulders 

I can totally see him waiting to hold your hand when you’re shopping, going on dates, or just chilling in the living room

Loves cuddles but would refuse to admit to it 

Please let this man be the softie we all know he is !! 

Though, even tho he loves being around you and touching you…he always needs his alone time, and you are more than willing to accept that because let’s face it: everyone needs to be alone once in a while

He is such a simp tho, if you ask for even the slightest PDA he goes all out, even if he gets embarrassed about it: he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders if you’re sitting next to each other in a movie theater or a restaurant 

He’ll also 100% playfully push you, like if you tell a really bad joke or if he is pretending to be annoyed with you (we all know he could never actually have any negative feelings towards you)

Acts of Service 

Acts of service is totally his calling: he’ll love to do literally anything for you

When you can’t sleep or are sick, you’ll ask him to sing you something to relax you and he’ll sing for hours until the both of you are asleep next to each other 

He seems like the type to love doing simple chores like laundry: it keeps him distracted, gives him the alone time he needs, and it helps you out ! 

As soon as you pull a “Wonu could you do this for me 👉👈 🥺” he’ll be sprinting to make you happy 

My favorite Wonwoo act of service is: teaching you how to do things…

This man loves to learn, and who else is he going to share his knowledge with? You want to know better ways to keep your plants alive? He’s got you! 

You’re unsure how to make this side dish for dinner? He’s texting you links to twenty different recipes and helping you pick the one you like most 

He just loves to interest you in these silly little facts that he hopes would help you with something, whether it be now, or in 10 years 

He’s a helpful bean <3 

Gift Giving 

Uses his money to his advantage (pls stop him before he takes over the world) 

If you even mention an article of clothing being cute in a store, you suddenly have one of every color the next day

If you are like “Hey Wonu do you wanna go see __ in concert?”, you best believe that he’s buying you VIP tickets 

And when you complain to him that he is spending way too much money on you, he just shrugs 

“What else am I going to do with my money? We have a nice place, and I have everything I could want, as well as you, I might as well use it to make you happy” 

I love him…

[judeswhore]

Been so stressed and it’s amplified my endo so much so my period has been the worst I’ve ever experienced this month.

Can just picture Levi holding your hair and rubbing your back when you’re throwing up and running you baths. Being so upset that he can’t help you while you’re just sobbing because it’s so bad. Him being so panicked because it’s never been this bad before and he doesn’t know what to do. Snuggling up in bed and watching a film together, him holding you and massaging your tummy trying to help even a little bit so you can get some sleep. Getting you everything you could possibly need and it being so endearing.

Just being so sweet and perfect and you falling more in love with him than you were before.

i’m so sorry bae and i hope ur feeling better now :(( giving u the biggest kiss ever🫶🏻🫶🏻 he’d be the sweetest most caring bf ever and wld go into nurse mode whenever ur periods are really bad bc he hates that ur in any sort of pain. will literally cancel any plans he has that day bc taking care of u is most important to him and won’t let u lift a single finger bc he just wants u to rest. runs u a bath and climbs in behind u so he can wash ur hair for u or clean u up, rub ur shoulders and upper back just in hopes of easing ur muscles a little. and then he’s making u spend the day in bed or on the sofa with him so he can rub the palm of his hand over ur tummy and he always knows the right amount of pressure to use to soothe the ache and he’s kissing ur head and telling u to get some sleep bc he knows u didn’t sleep well the night before and that ur exhausted. he wldnt stop massaging ur tummy either even tho he knows ur asleep and then when u wake up he’s making u take some more pain killers and have a little something to eat before he’s pulling u back in for cuddles and that’s literally how you’ll spend ur whole day bc he knows it’s the only thing that will make u feel somewhat better

[skubean]

I currently got some serious brainrot thanks to the Valentines' streams so my request is cuddling headcanons for Magni, Altare, Flayon and Hakka (if that okay with you!)

ooooooo im losing my mind at this bcs valentine's got me going crayyyyzeeee and thank you for the request!! sorry it's probably past valentine's now but i hope this was fine <3

cuddling hcs w/ magni, altare, flayon and hakka (holotempus)

characters: magni dezmond, regis altare, machina x flayon, banzoin hakka

notes: def out of character, gender neutral reader, some use of pet names, just brainrot im so ueueueueu i love them, slightly suggestive

magni dezmond

magni cuddles you like he's protecting you from the world.

it would start off with him wrapping an arm around your neck and you're like squished in between.

it's not really uncomfortable, but you can sense a tinge of teasing when he does it because you're pretty much stuck.

"dez, i can't speak" "what's that, i can't hear you"

he likes having you in between him, so if you're sitting on the sofa, you're positioned to be in between his legs and his arms are just draped around you loosely.

if you're laying down and cuddling, he has a leg on top of you.

you'll never know why this guy is obsessed with having a limb trapping you, but it's fine either way skskks

he'd put a hand under your shirt bcs he's cold, but ends up spooking you with his cold hand, which eventually turns into some sort of war.

it's silly, but he's just stuck to you like glue. he likes how perfect you fit in his arms (or legs).

overall, pretty playful but also really protective, which is why he cuddles you so much no matter where you are.

regis altare

altare cuddles you like you were made to fit in his arms.

altare is really warm, so he's like your personal heater.

clingy bf #2, cuddles you so much, you're his personal pillow.

he's big spoon 24/7, just likes having you in his arms so much, it's like he's addicted.

the type to bury your face into his chest, so you could fall asleep to his heartbeat.

backhugs you a lot too, he likes kissing your neck, and he knows it gets a reaction out of you.

also really likes having you on his lap, with you facing him.

it feels intimate, just close enough to know that he's yours and you're his.

he lets you relax when you're cuddling him and would massage your arms or thighs to show that he's there with you.

very sweet, i can assure you. teeth rotting clingy to the core, just likes the closeness and intimacy between the both of you.

machina x flayon

flayon cuddles you like you're glass, so close to breaking but so tempting.

he's so careful when hugging you because you're so precious to him.

he likes being the small spoon, but on days he's the big spoon, he feels so happy, like proud happy.

small spoon bcs he's addicted to your warmth, it makes him feel safe and secure.

gives me kusogaki (brat) vibes, so i think he'd cuddle you whenever he wants.

sudden hugs in the middle of the hallway because he's cheeky like that.

also loves loves laying his head on your lap because you would always play with his hair, and he's like a cat!

he's careful as to not push it too much, but you always reassure him that you love him, and that being close to him makes you so warm inside.

he's so fucking cute im gonna sob, pls love this man immensely bcs he would kiss your forehead/the ends of your hair when you're sleeping.

definitely adorable 100%, uses his cuteness to win cuddles (works everytime)

banzoin hakka

hakka cuddles you like you're his most prized possession, his muse.

nuzzles his head between your head and neck because he's flirty like that.

he cuddles you like a baby, gentle and one hand on the back of your head.

he will always, 100%, without fail intertwine his hand with yours.

no he does not care if it gets sweaty, don't let go!

also loves laying on your chest just to hear your fast heartbeat.

i'm not over this but, jaw kisses, neck kisses, collarbone kisses, whatever he can reach in the area.

when you're the one initiating the hug, he'll have his arms at least somewhere around your body, just for that slight skin to skin affection sksksk

kisses your fingers a lot, it's like he's obsessed with your hands.

he is, he's obsessed with you.

how could someone be so loveable to him? he will never understand, but he knows that he would risk it all for you.

his lockscreen is a picture of you both cuddled up and it's his favourite picture ever.

to top it off, he probably has an album of you cuddling bcs it's his fav thing to do.

a/n: sorry that this is so short! i love cuddling hcs bcs physical affection is >>>>> happy belated valentine's to anon and everyone!!!

my request box is still open and read the rules too bfr you request!

[bunnieclit]

idk what else to say besides life's been fucking my fat ass lately 😻

butttt my sons been doing amazing and gaining more weighttt (he's completely fine dw just born 2 weeks before my expected due date so lil mans a tad bit below average on his body weight)

so lil update

lost 4 pounds that's it😭 since having my baby im always so hungry ive binged three times since having him and literally never feel full after ik i gotta fast to shrink my stomach back down but my bf is so persistent about me eating especially at dinner he's completely caught on to the fact that i have a problem we've gotten into several arguments recently over food around me not eating/not eating enough but i am trying harder than ever to focus on my health my mindset has changed a lot since becoming a mother of course i want to be thin again but not more than i want to be alive which is new lmaoooo

sooooo srry 4 the rant but i gotta get this shit off my mind

i feel so alone and empty when i'm home alone sooooo almost all day every day ik i gotta learn how to drive so i can have some sort of life outside of my room i sit here and just overanalyze all my relationships and every lil interaction with my bf i feel so bad bc he works sm and comes home excited to see me and the bby and im so bitter and cold for lik the first 30 minutes then snap out of it cuz literally WTF i wait around for him to get home lik a dog and by the time he gets here im in a terrible mood and for whatttttt he's so good to me and understanding :( im trying so hard to be better for him the last thing i ever want to do is push him away from me he's my world

i had a full blown breakdown on sunday when my family came to visit our bby but thank godddd i sped off to the garage before they noticed anything was wrong but me it's just since having the baby i can't even stand the way i look

me and my bf do this bs were we take pictures of each other naked looking stupid and it's never bothered me b4 we always send them back and forth when he's working but he took one on saturday and the second i saw it i wanted to puke i didn't even recognize myself i looked disgusting but i didn't make a big deal about it until sunday

it was all I could think about throughout the day i kept going back and just staring at the picture so by the time he got home i was so hurt i barely talked to him when my family got there he was being extremely standoffish and wouldn't even come into the living room where we all were which is extremely unlike him so i went over there to apologize and ask him if he was mad at me

ofc cuz he's the best bf told me no he's just confused and doesn't know why i'm acting like that i completely brokedown sobbing telling him about how the picture made me feel and i know he didn't mean any harm by it but that i just hate myself sm and don't know how he could love me looking like this but he's ofc so reassuring and supportive i felt so much better afterwards

he's way older than me so he's extremely against plastic surgery but told me last night that after we have our second child he will pay for me to get a tummy tuck bc he can't stand to see how my body is affecting me anymore

likk thank you sirrrrrr😻