#i only did bc it wasn't of the doctor coming back to /her/ late

[nexus-nebulae]

god sometimes i wish the whole "you wouldn't say/do that to a physically disabled person" lie that certain mentally ill people say was true bc i fucking WISH i could use "I'm in a wheelchair" as a gotcha for people being ableist against me. unfortunately,

[akutasoda]

may i request some ranpo x fem! reader fluff, where reader is quite reserved and closed off at first until one day ranpo notices that she likes sweets and snacks too (particularly pocky bc i love them sm) and takes this chance to become closer to her , eventually become best friends and then lovers >< would be great if you could include some small interactions with the other ADA members :)

sugary sweethearts

synopsis - you and ranpo are quite alike in interests and as time goes you might be becoming something more

includes - ranpo ft. kenji, yosano, dazai, kunikida

warnings - fem!reader, fluff, slight mentions of insecurity, slight teasing, wc - 881

when you had originally received a opportunity to join the agency, you were very hesitant to join. you weren't really the best at making friends or talking with others at all. but with some pushing from friends/family telling you that it was a good opportunity and you would be great at it. you hesitantly agreed to join.

you had passed the entrance exam with mostly flying colours. it was your hesitancy and natural shy nature that had caused a few hiccups. the people you had met so far were nice enough but still you had to try and work yourself up to actually befriend some. however one of the first people to talk to you was the young blondete named kenji. he was a very nice person and had eased off some of your tension by helping you introduce yourself to others.

you also seemed to get along with the doctor, yosano. she noticed your shy natire and told you that any issues you could talk to her. 'girls protect other girls' she said.

but for the most part you were still quite reserved. not the most ideal quality for a detective, but you made up for it in other areas. and most days you just kept to yourself unless you had to interact with other members.

ranpo thought nothing of you originally. just another member he thought, a more closed off one but another co worker none the less. that was until he noticed yosano started speaking about you in higher regards. saying something along the lines of 'if you get closer to her you might be surprised'. but he didn't get how too. he was quite the eccentric one as some said do he had no idea how to talk to someone that was as reserved as you were.

that was until he spotted you coming back from a lunch break. as you sat down he saw you pull out a box of pocky and beginning snacking on them as you finished off your paperwork from before lunch. know he had an idea.

the next day at lunch he went up to your desk to talk to you. you looked confused that he had came up to you, you never really expected him to ever talk to apart from if you worked on a case with him. 'hey, i noticed you enjoyed these yesterday have a pack on me, if you share!' you were dumbfounded but remembered that yosano had told you to try and befriend more agency members as you were apart of the family now. so if you and ranpo had a common interest in snacks and sweets maybe you could do this?

so that was the first time you had lunch with ranpo, sure it was filled with snacks and not a proper lunch but you both enjoyed it. and it became a kind of small thing that you did with him quite regularly now.

and yosano started noticing, so after lunch one day she approached your desk with a smug smile. 'so how's it going lately' she inquired 'ah its going alright i think, i mean i think me and ranpo are close to being friends now' you glanced over to his desk and he offered you a smile and wave which you offered back. 'sure 'friends'' she said before walking off.

yosano wasn't the only one noticing the change in ranpo's behaviour towards you and noticing you become less reserved. and eventually dazai couldn't help but try and pry information out of you. and it did catch you quite of guard. 'sooo you managed to catch ranpo's eye' 'what do you mean?' you knew dazai was an interesting person to be nice but you had no clue what he was on about. 'you and ranpo i see what's happening, i think he's got quite the intrest with you' now you were just embarrassed 'what? no it's nothing like that, we're just friends' you wanted this conversation to end immediately as you face was starting to heat up. but here cane your saviour 'dazai! stop bothering her and get back to work!' you would have to thank kunikida later.

no matter how embarrassing that conversation was, it stayed in your head was dazai right? no you two were just friends. your surprised you managed to catch ranpo's interest in the first place, there's no way he was into someone as awkward as you. but little did you know ranpo was trying to figure out how to tell you something.

once ranpo had realised he did in fact have feelings for you, he didn't want to waste anytime to let someone else take you away. but he had no idea how to do that. so he was going to turn to yosano as he figured apart from him, you were closest to her. but he figured he was just going to be direct.

and he was direct. when you two were having your usual lunch time snacks. he asked you out. you were shocked to say the least but not in the bad way, you were just surprised that he would want to be with you. and of course you said yes. maybe taking this job was the best thing you could of ever done.

[gentlenotes-moved]

So glad to hear that you finally have answers! I'm sure it's gonna make everything at least a bit easier to deal with! I hope that whichever plan of action your doctors now decide to take works quickly and without any problems for you. Beautiful souls like yours don't deserve to be in agony 😓😣

And don't you even dare feel guilty for not coming on Tumblr much now. Your health, physical and mental, is the most important thing!!!

(Me? I've been... existing 😅)

(also, I didn't realise we were mutuals until like a minute ago lol)

first of all, so sorry for the late response! and even if you are just existing, i hope that this existence is treating you gently and lovingly 💗 (and yeah! we're moots now yay!! <3)

but yeah, a definitive answer is really nice. a few days ago they actually sent in a letter saying: "visceral hypersensitivity/overactive nerves sending inappropriate signals to the brain. There is actually no acid reflux." he said it's best treated with low dosages of antidepressants. he also recommended me to get testing done for gastroparesis, and if that comes back "unremarkable", we'll focus treatments on functional dyspepsia.

i have noticed lately that i have had really bad brain fog, esp since this has all started. i've been having a really hard time concentrating, almost constantly fatigued, zone out a fuck ton more than i usually do, and am asking people to repeat themselves quite literally every time they speak, because it all sounds like absolute gibberish. also, (tmi warning), in the past 4 months, i have only had one (1) period that lasted one (1) day. one day. it wasn't even a heavy flow either. my last regular period was when the day this whole situation started, in late november. and i'm currently exactly 3 weeks late for one. like i get the cramps and everything that you get with a period, except the blood.

so... i think this whole brain and nerve thing is going a LOT deeper than just my dyspepsia like systems. i haven't brought any of this up to my doctor, but the next time i see her, i'm gonna. but i have no damn clue what i'm gonna do at this point tbh. (personal/family rant incoming)

my dad is one of those extremely die-hard conservative trumpers, and a MASSIVE conspiracy theorist (just search up qanon; it'll explain everything i'm about to tell you). he was extremely against me getting the endoscopy, saying that my mom and i didn't mention me getting anesthesia (i did mention multiple times throughout the week before I got it done bc he was so damn worried), and him and my mom fought the morning I got the endoscopy done, just before we left.

when we got back, it was absolute hell for about a week, for my mom and i both. he told me that we betrayed him and that someone 'gave me permission' to not follow his instruction (I am 18 when he tells me this btw). then he said that if my mom and i ever question his rules or instruction again, he'll leave us or, worse, [a threat that i don't feel comfortable sharing here] for a week, he accused me of working for my mom's past sexual abuser, and of things i also don't feel comfortable sharing here. and then a week later, everything is perfectly fine. just like that. i'm used to extremely sudden mood and emotion changes in this family; i've been dealing with it for about a decade now (verbal abuse followed by lots of affection through words and gifts over and over). but this isn't my problem at the moment.

throughout the week, i also told him that i considered surgery for my gerd. he then proceeded to tell me that if i even considered doing that, or whatever the doctors say, i'm a retard, and that i clearly don't need him anymore (bc im not following his instruction) and he'll just leave us. and that we don't need him, we just have to "say the words" and he'll be out. so.

when we got this letter, he kept on saying how dumb and uneducated my doctors are (my dad's a high school drop out btw). i don't exactly remember what he said, but it was something to the effect of me needing to drink more water and eat healthier food, but I told him that's what we started with when i found out I had gerd and IBS 5 years ago, and it did nothing. he stood there, silent, for a solid 10 seconds before saying "......you know antidepressants can change your change you and fuck you up forever, right?". and at that point i just kind of gave up.

also my mom was attempting to explain the letter to my dad in the car ride home from picking her up from work, but she said he kept yelling and interrupting her, and just not listening to any explanationa she had to give; i wasn't there for that part.

but in conclusion: i know i'm 18 and can make my own decisions. i know he can't legally stop me from anything now. but for some stupid, insanely stupid reason, i just subconsciously hold my dad's validation more important than my lifelong health.

i even told my mom about all of this, that i'm stuck between my dad's acceptance and my lifelong health, but i also can't seem to say anything either way that will make him happy. And she just said "we'll you're fucked (with making my dad happy), either way, right? why don't you pick the one that comes with you being healthy?" and that actually straightened it out a bit for me.

but like. i still feel IMMENSE guilt whenever i do something that displeases or angers him even in the slightest. i don't know why im hanging my entire self worth one person, him, and i know just how fucked up it is. but it's like i can't stop. i just... i don't know. the situation just seems to be 'do i take care of myself, and him be angered towards me/leave me, or do i neglect my better judgement for the acceptance of my father?'

so that's what i'm currently dealing with at the moment lmfao. thank you so, so much for the ask, and i'm sorry the response was a college final essay. i sincerely hope with all my heart that today/tonight treats you well. 💞

[beanie-babie-vents]

So I haven't posted on here in a good while, though I did post on vent.

I've had some shitty stuff happen recently, so lemme talk about it :

So around two weeks ago, I had finished work only to find out my twin sis had gone to a mental hospital. I knew she'd been really depressed lately, but I didn't know just how bad it had gotten. When I got to visit her the first time, she told me that she had broken down because of something that happened with our older sister. She didn't say what happened, but that she'd show me the recording she took when she's out of the hospital (she doesn't have her phone currently).

So I'd been dealing with that all week, along with having school start, and my bf telling me that hearing me vent about my awful family all the time made him feel like a shitty boyfriend cause he felt like he wasn't doing anything to help.

With all that already happening, I was getting really overwhelmed at work on Thursday (which happened cause of a thing which I'll explain in a bit) and was on the verge of a panic attack.

My manager came over to see if I needed any more product or whatever, and I told her that I was starting to freak out. She said that I couldn't keep having this happen, I just had to push through it, and that I was using 'this' (I guess she was referring to my anxiety or whatever) as a crutch. Fucking ridiculous that she says that the same day I actually use my cane while I'm there....

In any case, I was already crying by then, though just silent tears, and she simply told me to hand out samples despite that. Was all "pick up the cups, put them on the tray, put the food on, hand it out. Deep breaths, just push through, tell yourself to blah blah I don't remember what she said'.

She left, and I'm still crying, then at some point my coworker comes over to give me my break, sees that I'm crying, asks what's wrong, and that immediately gets me crying harder. I go on break after she hugs me, continue to have a panic attack in the bathroom and call my friend, then attempt to go back to work, still crying.

My one coworker comes up to try a sample, sees that I'm crying, and I start sobbing again cause he asked if I was okay. He's hugging me, and my manager comes over saying that I can't do this here, and that customers went and complained to the store managers about me crying, and then got on her case about it. So she said that I can either go home or cry in the office, then brought me to the office.

Now, as for what caused my panic attack in the first place before my manager made things worse?

I was already overwhelmed bc the company has stupid rules about not leaving our stations for any reason, including needing to use the bathroom - and if we have medical issues surrounding that, then we need a doctor's note so we can be given an extra break to let us go to the bathroom.

And yes, my manager has told me about this before, but it literally makes no sense??

Like, for a number of people with bowel or bladder related issues, you may get the sudden urge to go. Or the urge can just get stronger out of nowhere. Both of these have happened to me in the past, and has been happening more and more recently.

So my manager had asked me why I shut down my station when I had come back from break a little while before, then was basically scolding me, saying that i should've gone during break.

That's the thing though, I DID.

My body just decided that day was a GREAT day to not work properly. In numerous ways.

So yeah, if it's not obvious, having an extra break set up to go to the bathroom doesn't help, because there's always a chance that I wouldn't be able to actually hold it long enough. Because chronic illnesses are SO FUCKIN DUMB.

And my manager saying that breaks are apparently there for us to use the bathroom so that we don't go during our shift. Yeah no, it's not cause we may need to rest and eat, no, not at all.

Following all of that, a few days later I was scheduled to work again. I was gonna try to go despite how awful I felt. I knew that it'd be bad to call out, as I was supposed to be taking over my coworkers stations during their breaks that day, and it could be hard to have someone cover that shift for me - especially if there were multiple shifts going on that day, which was likely.

But the closer it got to my shift start time, the more anxious I got, and I knew that if I went to work that day, I'd just have another panic attack.

By the time my shift had started, I had yet to get ready, and knew I'd have to call/text out. I texted my manager that I wouldn't be there and went to sleep.

I'm worried that I'll be fired now....

But god, what was I supposed to do?

I honestly still can't believe everything my manager said.

She'd always been so sweet, kind, and understanding before, so for her to act like this was honestly surreal, and caused me to bring down due to everything else on my plate.

The worst thing is, I saw her as a friend. She literally called me a friend of hers before. Only for all this to happen?! Just. What the hell....

[dallowaylovespink]

I think I will bring Oracle!Babs back, Steph angst, her relationship with crime, her mother and father, and how her past will forever change her way of looking at the world.

MORE DUKE!!! I would either make him appear in a bunch of random comics (bc I think it'll be hilarious for him to just be everywhere without an explanation) and I would give him his own solo.

I would bring back Danny Chase, and I would make him annoy Jason, because I think it'll be funny.

RAVENS OLD HAIRCUT BC I LOVED IT WITH MY WHOLE SOUL AND I HATE THE NEW ONE (IM SORRY).

Maybe not exactly good, but trying all she can Talia, I want to explore her change and the way that her morals were twisted and why (racism) and how at the end of the day she'll always be a loving person who loves equally humans and animals the same and the way that her family always comes first but it's a problem when her family is tearing each other into pieces, I want to explore her character outside of Damian and Bruce because her character is amazing even without them.

Also she should be a doctor, like, it should start with her being infiltrated for some reason and then ending with her working on there permanently.

AL GHUL FAMILY, THEIR BELIEFS AND MYTHS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH MAGIC.

Roy and Wally friendship

Roy and Dick friendship

Roy and Donna friendship

Roy and Kory FRIENDship

I would also enjoy writing about Damian, Jon, Maya and Suren's friendship, I want them to be a hero/vigilante team again, I'm pretty sure that Jon and Maya are closer in age rn so I would take advantage of that to make them really close (wlw & mlm solidarity if ykwim).

I would also make Mara part of the team, and to have her and Damian fighting all the time (affectionate) and also to talk about how actually complicated their relationship can be because even though Damian escaped a toxic and abusive environment he left to a new kind of toxic family (love the batfam but y'all need to understand they're toxic and bad to each other a lot of the times they're together) I want them to realize that they both need to heal and that it's going to be terrible and tiring and hard but they can (maybe) end the cycle, I would also love to talk about how what motivates Damian is love and not anger and how not even him knows that.

Maya angst but more in a comic type of way, like, her suit having a dysfunction, or someone wanting to kill her because of something her father did, or the way that she sometimes acts like if she had a normal childhood, I want her to realize that it's okay to be hurt by the past and for her to understand that her pain is important and that she can be weak, also for her to be that Dad friend (trying her best but low-key making everything worse ending with her feeling guilty and useless).

For Jon I think I would make him learn to fight without his powers bc like, he'll be the only one in the group that isn't (wasn't) an assassin so you can't tell me they wouldn't teach him to fight, and to use a sword, and a gun too probably, and to pick a lock and steal a car, I haven't been reading his issues lately so I'm not sure if he managed to be back to school, but if he isn't back to school I would bring him back to school and I would make him and Maya to be classmates, I would also explore the way that being surrounded by really traumatized people can make him think his trauma is nothing and I would make him understand that even though he is Superman he's still a human, a teenager human, and he deserves to be hurt, and to be dumb, and make bad decisions without it ending in the end of the world of something.

For Suren I would make him loose control over his magic in some way, like, maybe I would make him have his magic corrupted, also the whole concept of being a prophet and it corrupting the person is really interesting to me so I would make it part of his character, I would make Raven be his mentor to acknowledge the fact that Raven (mostly) knows how to control her power. I also think they would have a really cool type of relationship and more Titans deserve to me mentors.

And about mentors, a little list of the team and who should be their mentors:

Mara - Kory (how to learn to be human without forgetting where you come from, learning to forgive but not forget)

Maya - Steph (coming to terms with the fact that you're hurt and that your parents affect who you are but the decision of who you become is yours)

Suren - Raven (accepting that there are ugly parts of us that we can't control but we can accept them and make them better and we can make something beautiful out of something horrible)

Jon - Donna, Kory, Dick (understanding your pain, learning that you don't need to be completely human to have humanity in yourself, and learning that regardless of how powerful you are you always need help)

Damian - Talia, Dick (coming to terms with the fact that he's s victim, accepting that Bruce has hurt him and even if he didn't mean it it's not okay and Damian can feel hurt even when it's only about his feelings)

Also I don't think they would call themselves Little League or Tiny Titans, they're teenagers, emo/punk/Gothic teenagers, they'll probably name themselves something like Hunters, Crows or some edgy shit.

Also their missions should be super weird and stupid, like, it they loose this chess match the whole world will end, they have to deliver McDonald's to Buddha, they have to do a quest for different gods except the quests are really weird and dumb.

ALSO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE AN ACTUAL LIDER!!! All of them are bad at being the lider so they just take turns depending on who knows more of the villain.

They would have a band too.

I would bring Mar'i to the main continuity but not in the "Kory gets pregnant" way but more in the "a crazy woman made a clone using Dick's and Kory's DNA and now they have a children who neither of them know what to do with" type of way.

KORY AND DONNA ADVENTURES OF PROTECTING NY

Dick and his relationship with his ethnicity (I think that's what is called? I may be wrong though), the gilt of not being white enough but also not being Romani enough, him learning more about his own culture, etc.

DICK, KORY AND DONNA BEING MORE THAN SUNSHINE CHARACTERS, THEY'RE TRAUMATIZED, THEY HAVE PTSD

Roy being more than a support character and him being smart and capable of doing what he needs to do, he's not stupid y'all.

The original Titans and their trauma and PTSD of being crime vigilantes at 14 or something, like, grown ass adults were beating them, that's a little traumatic yk.

Roy mentioning his family casually.

Also Tim should move on from Robin, he deserves to grow up and Damian deserves to be the current Robin

I KNOW MOST OF THIS ARE REALLY BAD 😞💔 I just think these concepts are really interesting, however thankfully it'll never be canon bc I actually hate to write so 🥳

Also it's late to me so if this is badly writing let's say it's because of that 😋

This poses a common but never dull question... Tell me what the first thing YOU would do if you became a writer at DC with no editorial backlash? What would you make canon? What story would you write? What would you retcon?

[expelliarmus]

[emeralddaydream]

𝙺𝚒𝚝 𝚃𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙲𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚂𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝙲𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚍

Kit x Fem!Reader

A/N: So, this wasn't what I'd planned on posting next, but I've been going through some things, and my brain has just not been cooperating. Sigh. But, I've been in a very dad!character mood lately, so I thought I'd give y'all some more of my take on dad!Kit bc I love him💜 I hope you like it!!

Your daughter’s only seven months old when she gets ill for the first time.

Being that you and Kit are both first-time parents, the entire experience is beyond overwhelming.

You're awoken in the morning, not long after Kit leaves for work, to the sound of her cries. She doesn't stop for hours, eventually tiring herself out enough to fall asleep.

While she’s down, you decide to make a quick phone-call to Kit.

You don’t call him at work very often, but you're worried; you hate seeing your baby so upset.

“Hey, sugar.” Kit presses the phone into his shoulder so that he can wipe some grease on his pants, before taking the receiver in his hands again. “What’s up?”

“Kit, it’s Y/D/N.” You’re pacing back and forth in the kitchen, tugging at the phone cord anxiously. “I think something’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?” Kit does his best to hide the alarm in his voice, but you're not fooled.

“She’s had a cough since this morning, wouldn't stop crying, I've never seen her like this... She’s finally asleep now, but I took her temperature before putting her down, and she’s definitely got a fever.” You’re trying hard to keep your tears at bay, but your bottom lip is quivering, panic beginning to set in. “What do I do?”

“Grab your jacket.” You hear Kit pull away from the phone for a moment, hear his muffled words as he speaks to someone. “Y/N? I’ll be there in ten minutes to pick you up. We’ll take her to the hospital.”

The baby wakes as soon as you pick her up from her crib, whimpering and whining the entire ride to the hospital.

Kit does his best to comfort her while also paying attention to the rode. He tells her over and over again that everything's going to be okay, occasionally reaching a hand out to stroke her pudgy little arms.

As soon as you arrive a the hospital, the baby's reaching for Kit, and he happily takes her in his arms as the three of you are led to a private room where you're told that a nurse will be with you shortly.

Kit leans back one of the chairs in the corner, the baby resting against his chest, looking up at her father with beautiful brown eyes that match his own.

While Kit has a hushed conversation with the baby, you move to a small shelf against the wall, grabbing a few of picture books before returning to your seat.

After the nurse arrives to take the baby's vitals, the two of you take turns reading to her while you await the doctor.

She really doesn't have any idea what either of you are saying, but is engaged all the same, simply enjoying the sounds of your voices, even letting out a few strained giggles of her own.

By the time Kit finishes the third book, her eyes are drooping, and she's nearly asleep again when the doctor knocks softly, before opening the door.

It doesn't take him long at all to figure out what the issue is; your baby has gotten her first cold.

You let out a relieved sigh at the diagnosis, knowing that this will at least be an easy fix, and that as long as you follow doctor's orders, your little one should be feeling better in no time.

When you arrive back home, the baby's more than ready to eat so you feed her and give her a quick bath before handing her off to Kit, who changes her into a cozy pair of pajamas.

You take the opportunity to take a quick shower of your own, and when you make your way back into your daughter's room, your heart nearly melts.

"Well, what do we have here?" you ask, stepping quietly over to the rocking chair where Kit sits, your daughter in his arms. She smiles sleepily as he hums soothing tunes in her ear.

"We're waitin' for you to come say goodnight, momma," he smiles, pressing a kiss to your cheek when you lean down to grab onto her tiny hand.

"Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you," you whisper, reaching out to move to some hair that's fallen onto her forehead, quickly noticing the change in her temperature. "Her fever's gone down." You sigh in relief as Kit yawns, running a hand gently along her back as her eyelids get heavier. "Maybe she'll feel better in the morning."

"I hope so. I hated seeing her so upset today." He recalls how upset she'd been when he'd picked the two of you up this afternoon, a frown on his face.

"You did such a good job taking care of her, though You always do." You smile at the sound of your daughter's gentle snores, her little face burrowing into Kit's neck. "You really are the best dad, you know that?"

"And you're the best mom," he replies, pressing a loving kiss to your lips before carefully lifting himself from the chair so that he lay the baby down. As the two of you stand there, watching the little angel, Kit's hand pressed against yours on the railing of her crib, you're overcome with a sense of adoration for the both of them; you're thankful to whatever or whoever decided to bless you with the perfect little family.

taglist: @americxn, @kitwalker64, @elaineygrace, @milly-louise, @liandav, @therenlover, @tatestripedsweater, @kitwalker02, @undeadcortez, @sallyscigarettes, @xmaximoffic, @samsassinparvismagna, @billyhxrgrove, @mossybank, @slightlyvicked, @ronswansonsburntoffeyebrows, @spider-starry, @divinerulerluvr, @ikkleroniekins, @auricgold, @sanni333 (please fill out this form if you'd like to be added/removed here)

[literaphobe]

(you don't have to answer if you don't want to) but i was curious how you found out you had adhd? esp since you mentioned being singaporean cause like i also grew up in sg and like barely anybody (gov, school, ect) mentioned adhd stuff growing up and tbh i feel like i only saw it in tv and stuff so im curious? also no yeah adhd is a struggle but i know you can do it you're like the sexiest girlboss blogger i know :DDDD

essentially i had a breakdown when i was 15 and i was skipping school so much (i would go one day and skip the next for instance) for mental health reasons i was also addicted to spn at the time like i mean u know my hyperfixation and well i will say that while i would read spn fanfiction and go through the dash when i skipped school it was also not the reason i skipped school like it was just... id just get dressed for school and then something in me would stop halfway and id go back to be and i was getting so much detention and i was suspended multiple times (IN SCHOOL SUSPENSION IS SO BAD THEY MAKE U SIT OUT IN THE OPEN IN FRONT OF THE GENERAL OFFICE AND STUDY ALL DAY LIKE DAMN COOL I DONT EVEN GET TO LEARN THE TIME I COME TO SCHOOL EXCELLENT SYSTEM GUYS) and yeah i remember running to one of my mom's friends house (it was a 2 minute walk away) to sit nearby and secretly use the wifi bc my mom turned the wifi off at our house thinking it would somehow make me more well behaved and she took my phone away and locked it in her drawer so i learnt to pick locks and one time i hid it and she got mad and screamed and got violent etc she had like a friend install something on my computer so i couldn't use it and i just... found a way to remove it somehow anyway um i did not respond well to my freedom being restricted but the adhd diagnosis thing happened bc one day i broke down in a doctor's office bc i was so sick of lying to get doctors letters (sometimes i wouldn't even take the effort to go and just let them suspend me) and my father had stopped speaking to me and didn't visit me for ages as punishment for my school skipping ways (my parents r divorced) anyway lo and behold i begged for help i thought i was depressed and i got an appointment w a mental health person and i was diagnosed for adhd (which came as a shock to me) (in hindsight it should never have been a shock) and well my school was threatening to expel me but after they found out i had adhd my principal was like huh... what are u and i was like i got this thing called medication im gonna try and take it and i pinky promise i will try and come to school more and well a bunch of my family members got all up in hands and refused to believe i had adhd so they brainwashed my mom who believed i had adhd at first (the doctor told her i had it) to thinking adhd wasn't even real and i had this tutor who took a 5 minute adhd test ANSWERED IT FOR ME WITHOUT CONSULTING ME and claimed to my mom that he had proved i didn't have adhd to this day my mother still does not really acknowledge the fact that i have adhd and when my dad found out i got diagnosed he looked up stuff on adhd and began to claim "my adhd is worse than yours!" and years later brainwashed himself into thinking he got me adhd help (so i reminded him that i broke down in a doctors office and got a diagnosis that he wasn't even there for and he thankfully believed me bc he knows my long term memory is really fucking good)

also they put my sister on adhd meds and years later she confessed to me she didn't even think she needed help for adhd "i think i could have adhd but its nowhere near as bad as yours" and well . well. all i will say is that this is the very long version of "i had Problems in school that snowballed and exploded in my face because no one cared until it was too late"

[mandylove1000]

Chronos live reaction

Before starting this I want to say. When I start ugly sobbing by the end of this I’m gonna finish my tissues. I’m already emotionally unstable just thinking about it. (Please know as I was typing this I was grabbing a handful of tissues)

“and a whole lot of regret….” I THINK THE FUCK NOT. I DONT WANNA KEEP GOING. FUCK THIS. NO.

“Robert Floyd had made you a promise he had every intention of keeping, but he wasn't so sure he could.” FUCK. WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS SHIT.

“That you need not worry about him anymore.” I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD LEAH IF YOU MAKE ME CRY IM THROWING HANDS. I DONT CARE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.

“Only he lost his best friend when to this day he thought it should have been him.” SHUT THE FUCK UP MAV NO ONE DESERVES TO DIE LIKE THAT.

“But when Bob's head hit the top of the cockpit“ LEAH IM SO CLOSE TO THROWING HANDS

“***~***~***~***~***~***~***~” FUCK THIS I DONT WANT A FLASHBACK

“You felt like you'd fallen into the cosmic existence between now and soon to come,”FUCKING SAME BITCH I FEEL MY DINNER TRYING TO COME BACK UP MY THROAT

“Had your water just broken?” IM LITERALLY GOING TO FUCKING THROW UP

“that his wife’s water had just broken.” I SWEAR TO GOD IF BOB AND THE FUCKING BABY DIE IM NOT FORGIVING YOU

“ “I can’t fucking do this!” “ FUCKING SAME BESTIE. ALL THOUGH IM NOT THE ONE ABOUT TO SHOOT OUT A CHILD

““She’s um, she's pregnant, could go any day now.”” IM GONNA FUCKING VOMIT IF THE BABY FUCKING DIES IM DYING WITH IT

“his face looked all kinds of pale and worry was written in the deep lines across his forehead.” IM GONNA CRY IN A MINUTE

“I’ve heard her cry about it in the middle of the night.” ROBERT YOU BETTER THROW FUCKING HANDS

““Mrs Floyd, you are going to have this baby.”” IM HAVING GREYS ANATOMY FLASHBACKS AND I DONT FUCKING LIKE IT.

“She’d done a little damage to herself but nothing a little rest and recovery couldn’t fix.” THE FUCKING TEARS HAVE STARTED

““Just bring me her damn husband before it’s too late.” “ IM DEMANDING THE FLUFFIEST FUCKING SHIT YOUVE EVER WRITTEN LEAH

“”We kinda just never left each other's side since then.”” SO FUCKING WALK TO LABOR AND DELIVER BOBERT

“You weren’t ready to be a mother, not without Bob there to be a father.” IM UNWELL

“”You’re so strong, you’re so brave, and I love you so much, please push mama.”” I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE BABY ISNT OK IM JUMPING OFF THE FUCKING BRIDGE

“”Congratulations Mr and Mrs Floyd you have a little baby girl.”” IF NAT ISNT HER NAME IM THROWING HANDS.

““Peach?”” IF SHE FUCKING DIES IM GONNA FUCKING SCREAM.

““No, you should stay here with your daughter, she needs her daddy now.”” I CAN BARELY SEE MY FUCKING PHONE

“He knew if he looked up he’d be told the worst news of his life.” I SWEAR TO GOD LEAH I WONT FORGIVE YOU IF THE DOCTOR SAYS SHES DEAD

“But at the touch of his earlobe, a slight pressure formed at the lobe. So warm and comforting.” LEAH NO. WHY. IM FUCKING UNWELL.

-I had to stop for a min or 2 bc I can’t see my phone enough to keep reading-

“Because you had tugged on his earlobe, just like you promised you would.” I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW. I SAY THAT WITH PEACE AND LOVE BUT ITS NOT MUCH LOVE ATM

IM NOT FUCKING OK.

Chronos // Robert Bob Floyd

Summary: Bob told you that Chronos carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.

And while someone by the name of Pete Mitchell told you over the phone that your husband had been involved in a training accident….Well—you felt as if you'd fallen straight into it.

Warnings: Bob Floyd x Pregnant F!reader. F-18 accident. Medical inaccuracies. Birth. Bob Whump, ANGST.

Word Count: 6.1k

Author Note: Today is Monday, for most of you it’s Sunday: Please enjoy this oneshot that’s been a work in progress since the 28th of March. ~ Last minute title name change. I’m posting this at 4am my time so blow this up.

First there was a storm of carbon and molten rock which begat granite and soil. Then, the land shook and it cracked and it rose till it spiked the sky. Forest grew and died and grew a hundred times again. And then people grew and died and grew and died a hundred times again. There were storms and seasons and fences and blood. Wonder and vengeance and a whole lot of regret….

And through every grievance, every war, the land and the sky didn't give two shits about any of it. Bob Floyd knew that as he and his front seater, Natasha Phoenix Trance, fell through the sky in a tin bird designed by man, for man to destroy other men….

That it wouldn't give two shits about them either. 

“Extinguishing right engine!” There were far too many sounds coming from every system possible as Phoenix tried to regain control of the F-18 that seemed impossible to wrangle. All Bob could think about in those utterly terrifying moments was you. 

He’d always made it a promise to come home to you. He knew how much you worried about him, how much the thought of being left behind ping ponged around in your brain. How sometimes you'd stay up all hours of the night hoping that wherever he was and whatever ocean he flew across that he was okay. That he was safe and that he;d come home to you. 

Robert Floyd had made you a promise he had every intention of keeping, but he wasn't so sure he could. 

“Phoenix, Bob! Punch out! Punch out!” Maverick shouted through the comms as he chased the rogue fighter jet down. Bob looked around at all the warnings flashing in his face, there was nothing left to save except themselves. 

“Phoenix there’s warning lights everywhere, we’re in hydraulic failure!” All Bob prayed for in those terrifying moments as his colleagues watched on in pure shock horror from the ground below was that he’d get a chance to tell you he loved you again. 

He always told you that he’d come home, that there wasn’t a chance in hell that he wouldn’t. You knew better than to believe Government Property though, Bob knew you knew that there was always a chance. So he promised in the event of his untimely demise that he’d come back to you and wiggle your earlobe. To let you know he made it safe and sound. That you need not worry about him anymore. 

You promised him the same thing, because working from home was just as terrifying as flying a multimillion dollar fighter jet. 

“I can’t control it!” But as the ground grew closer and closer, Bob knew he wasn’t ready to die, he wasn’t ready to leave you behind and he certainly wasn’t ready to not meet his unborn child. 

“We’re going down, Phoenix! We’re going in! We’re going in!” He wasn’t ready to wiggle your ear. 

“You can’t save it! eject, eject!” Maverick shouted again, he was watching on like he’d been sucked into some kind of timeloop. He’d seen this happen before. Only he lost his best friend when to this day he thought it should have been him. 

“Eject! Eject! Eject!” Were the last three words Bob heard escape from Phoenix’s mouth before he was reaching between his legs to pull at the emergency yellow and black striped handle that sent him flying out of the cockpit. He’d been taught how to handle a situation like this, they all had. Every single naval aviator currently on active duty had been taught what to do when they needed to eject. 

But when Bob's head hit the top of the cockpit? He didn’t care for procedures and protocol and what he should or shouldn’t have done in the moment, all he cared about was you and holding on to whatever consciousness he had left as he tumbled through the sky at a rapid pace. Reaching for his parachute in just the nic of time. 

Knowing if he hit the ground where the land had shook and cracked and rose till it spiked the sky that it wouldn’t have given a shit. It wouldn’t have been all that forgiving and it certainly wouldn’t have mourned his untimely demise. 

So Bob faught until he hit the ground with a not so graceful thud, he hit the ground hard—with an almighty groan as his ribs popped and his head throbbed inside his helmet. 

“Ahhh!” He gasped as he clutched at his stomach, forgetting how to breathe as the darkness of tunnel vision claimed its next victim. Unconsciousness overcoming its latest casualty: 

Bob Floyd. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Bob had asked you once when you were wrapped up in his arms in the dead of the night, listening to the storm raging on outside if you knew anything at all about a Greek God called Chronos. When you had chuckled out a soft no as his lips trailed up your neck and his slightly calloused hands roamed your body like they knew every inch, Bob told you that he carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.

And while someone by the name of Pete Mitchell told you over the phone that your husband had been involved in a training accident….

Well—you felt as if you'd fallen straight into it.

You felt like you'd fallen into the cosmic existence between now and soon to come, plummeting into a realm where time didn’t exist and light didn’t reach. You tumbled into a parallel dimension where nothing made sense, nothing seemed tangible or real. You descended into a world where Bob Floyd wasn’t around. 

“Your husband was involved in an accident during a training exercise this afternoon—“. 

At the sound of Pete Maverick Mitchell’s voice explaining that there had been an accident on base during an exercise—you begun to crack, you started slipping further and further into the unknown because Bob had always said he’d never leave and if he did you’d feel him tugging on your earlobe to let you know he got there safe and sound. 

There was no one tugging on your earlobe though, no soul that had passed on or ghostly figure watching over you. What there was though, was a radiating warmth between your legs. A wetness that shouldn't have been there. 

Had your water just broken? 

“Oh—oh god.” You gasped as you looked down, gripping the side of the kitchen island as you groaned out a prolonged, primal moan. You were in labour there was no doubt about it. “Ahh.” 

“Mrs Floyd? Are you alright?” The voice on the other end of the line asked with a confused undertone as you watched the seconds tick past on the ongoing call. 

“I uh—“ You tried to speak, tried to make sense of what you were hearing, what you were experiencing. Pain in every aspect both physically, emotionally and mentally. “I think my water just broke.” 

“Oh—“ Maverick couldn’t suppress his shock nor could he disguise his sudden state of disbelief. “Oh okay, I’ll uh—I'll have an ambulance come by right away.” You replied with a sharp groan. Doubling over as you felt how hard your stomach had truly become. This was happening, everything was happening all at once and you had lost focus in the pain of both worrying about the state your husband was currently in and the fact your baby was on their way. “Mrs Floyd, someone will be there very soon, I’m gonna stay on the line with you until they arrive.” 

“I need Bob—“ You’d begun to cry as you kneeled on the kitchen floor before you decided that sitting up against the cabinet with your legs outstretched felt a hell of a lot more comfortable. “I need my husband, I can't do this without him.” You felt warm tears streaming down your cheeks as your bottom lip quivered and another painful contraction rippled through your body. Every fibre of your being ignited in a fireball. “Ahhh—I won’t do this without my husband!” 

On the other side of the phone call that had taken a rather drastic turn, Mav looked to Phoenix who was being wheeled into the awaiting ambulance on the tarmac. Bob was next, Pete didn’t have the heart to tell the Weapons Systems Officer that had just escaped death that his wife, who he hadn’t mentioned to a soul beside Phoenix, that his wife’s water had just broken. 

“Phoenix, hey—“ Pete stopped the medics briefly, they looked at Pete like he was risking her life by wasting valuable time. But this was just as important. “What’s Bob's wife’s name?” Pete wanted to know so he could be a little more personal. 

The truth was Natasha didn’t even know, she’d seen the picture of you in Bob's wallet that he’d shown her, but Bob had only ever called you by your nickname. Bob's beloved term of endearment. 

Peach. 

“He’s only ever called her Peach, I don’t even know her name.” Phoenix cried. She was still trying to process what had happened—she felt like the blame was all her own to bear. She’d damn near killed her back seater and she didn’t even know his wife’s real name or that you were pregnant. “I nearly killed him and I don’t even know his wife’s name—“ 

“Hey hey hey.” Mav tried to soothe the clearly shocked pilot. “It wasn’t your fault, it could’ve happened to anyone, Phoenix.” Mav smiled softly as he held the phone back to his ear, he was still yet to call Phoenix's emergency contact, her sister Lily. It wasn’t inherently Mavericks' job to call the emergency contacts listed in Bob and Phoenix’s files, but it was his duty, his responsibility. 

He was going to as soon as he’d informed you, however, Pete wasn’t expecting this call to take the turn it had. “Peach, you there?” 

There was no answer, Simply whimpers. When you’d doubled over in pain in the kitchen you’d left your phone on the island bench top. It was far too out of reach now as you sat trying to breathe through the latest contraction that bodied you. 

“Peach—“ Mav started, but as he did so saw the medics wheeling Bob closer and closer to the ambulance waiting on the tarmac. He couldn’t say anything, not when Bob was still fighting to stay conscious. “Mrs Floyd, someone will be there as soon as they can, I promise.” 

“Bbboooooobb—!” You cried out. “I can’t do this!” It was all too much for you to handle, the immense pressure, the anxiety, the fear of losing your husband. “I can’t fucking do this!” You never thought in your wildest dreams you’d have to do this alone. Bob always said he’d be right with you every single step of the way. And up until right now he had been. 

“Someone’s coming Peach.” Maverick knew you couldn’t hear him, but he couldn’t bring himself to put the phone down. He looked at Bob being wheeled into the back of the ambulance on a stretcher, wondering if his decision to not say anything as of right now was a bad decision. He seemed to always be full of those. 

“Someone’s coming—“

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

By the time Bob was brought back to the North Island Base Hospital, he was very aware that someone would need to call his emergency contact about what had happened. Someone was going to need to call you, he thought it would be best if he was the one who called. 

With a throbbing headache and a few cuts and gashes, Bob let the nurses and doctors tend to his aid without much of a fight. He knew he needed the care, knew it was for the best if he just let everyone do their jobs. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon and if he put up a fight they would only keep him admitted for longer. 

“You got a partner Robert? A wife or husband that we need to call?” Doctor Austin asked as he shined a light into Bob's eyes, watching carefully as he followed the light side to side. 

“I have a wife–” Bob mumbled, his head hurt from when he’d hit the ground not so gracefully but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle as he sat up on the hospital bed with his legs hanging off the side. Phoenix was laying with an ice pack over her eyes on the other bed. “She’s um, she's pregnant, could go any day now.” Doctor Austin chuckled as he clicked his pen light off and placed it into his top pocket. Sending Bob an all knowing look. 

“And you thought it was a good idea to fall outta the sky?” Bob's ribs hurt when he laughed softly, cupping at his side as he did so, laughing with the doctor who had cleared him and Natasha of any serious injury. “My good man, I can't say that's a good mix.” But there were still observations that needed to be made and a few more tests just to be sure. He wasn't out of the woods. 

“Yeah I think you might be right doc—“ Bob smiled softly. “But can I be the one to call her? She’ll probably take the news a little better if she heard it from me.” 

“I’ll see what I can do Lieutenant.” Doctor Austin nodded as he picked up his charts and headed out of the room, leaving Phoenix and Bob in the heavy silence of the aftermath of their near death experience. 

“What’s her name?” Phoenix mumbled from behind the ice pack she kept over her eyes. 

“Y/n—“ Bob replied softly as he played with the wedding band that was strung through his dog tags. “We’ve been together since high school.” 

“Why do you call her Peach?” 

“Because she’s as sweet as the peaches from the orchard my grandma used to own.” Bob couldn’t stop himself from bashfully blushing, a hume all consuming crept across the apples of his cheeks whenever he spoke about you. “We’re about to have a baby, the detachment was meant to be my last before I could access my paternity leave entitlements.” 

“Rough last assignment—“ Phoenix chuckled as she shook her head in disbelief. Bob agreed silently, it was a rough last assignment. “You don’t talk about her an awful lot do you?” 

“I would—“ Bob pressed his lips together. “Just no one really asked.” It was then that Phoenix realised that she didn’t know an awful lot about the man who had gone down with her. The man who sat behind her and had her back in the sky. Her WSO. “And I guess we’re not here for all that long anyway so I just kept her to myself, she’s a nice reminder that even after the rough days we’ve been having I get to go home, safe and in one piece to the woman I love.” 

“Do you guys know what your having?” Phoenix didn't mean to pry, but she felt an overwhelming pressure to get to know the person she had been flying with since being requested for this detachment. Bob shook his head in response. 

“Nah, we wanted to keep it a surprise.” Just as Bob was finishing his sentences Doctor Austin returned, his face looked all kinds of pale and worry was written in the deep lines across his forehead. 

“Lieutenant Floyd it looks as if your wife was just admitted into the maternity ward—“ Bob's heart stopped beating inside his chest as he listened to Doctor Austin. “It appears that she was contacted earlier about your accident and the shock sent her into labour—“ 

“I uh—I need to see her.” Bob mumbled as he slid off the exam bed and nearly fell to the floor. His knees were so weak from the shock and adrenaline from the accident and now the realisation that he was about to be a first time dad. “I need to see my wife, where is she?” 

“Lieutenant, I know this must be a stressful situation for you but I really advise against leaving until we’ve finished with your own test. We still need to get you in for—“ 

“I won’t miss the birth of my baby.” Bob shook his head in defiance. “No, I won’t leave her to do that alone, she needs me—I know she does because I know how scared she is about doing this alone.” 

“Robert—“

“No no you have to listen to me. I can't let her do this alone because I’ve heard her cry about it in the middle of the night.” Phoenix's heart shattered into a million pieces as she watched Bob plead with the doctor and the nurses that had come in to try and subdue him. “She’s scared I won’t come back one day and today was almost that day and now she’s giving birth to our baby alone after I promised I’d be here for her—“ 

“We can’t let you go, it would be against all my medical advice.” Doctor Austin tried to explain. “I understand the difficulty of the situation Mr Floyd but your health and wellbeing is our number one priority.”

“But you have to let me!! That’s my wife! She needs me! Please—“ You needed your husband, things weren’t travelling all that well in the delivery room. You weren’t ready to have this baby—not if Bob wasn’t there with you. Not if Bob had left you behind, he was too young to die. He couldn’t leave you here by yourself to raise a baby, his baby, on your own. He promised he wouldn’t. 

“Mrs Floyd, you are going to have this baby.” 

“Aahhhhhh! I’m not doing this without my husband!” You groaned out. You were covered in sweat and crying your heart out as one of the labour and delivery nurses held your hand and placed a cool washcloth to your forehead. “I won’t have this baby without him, do you understand me!” 

“Someone needs to contact her husband—“ Everyone from the King of England to the Hounds of Hell could hear you screaming. It had been a rather quiet day for the L&D department. Until the ambulance had brought you in. 

“We can’t reach him, but I’ll try again.” One of the intern labour and delivery nurses replied as she rushed out of the room, she sprinted towards the nurses station in a hurry. So fast she almost went straight past it, she came to a halt with a flustered sigh.“I need you to try contacting Mr Floyd again, his wife won’t cooperate—she’s refusing to give birth to this baby without him.” 

“She knows how having a baby works doesn’t she?” One of the older nurses sitting at the desk rolled her eyes. “That baby, no matter the circumstances, isn’t going to wait for anyone.”

“I’ll let the L&D ward know you’re here as a patient but that’s the best I can do at this stage Lieutenant, I can’t in good conscience let you leave this ward without having run through all the proper medical procedures to make sure you’re fit to return to work.” Doctor Austin wasn’t trying to be the bay guy, if anything he wanted nothing more than to send Bob on his way—but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing he didn’t do his job to the best of his ability. “My primary priority is you and Miss Trance here.” 

“You don’t understand!” Bob ran his hands through his hair as his bottom lip quivered. He was holding back tears as he looked up to the ceiling—begging whatever God up there that saved him this morning to work just a little more magic. “She won’t have this baby without me, that was the deal—I needed to be there and now that I’m not—“

“She can’t not have the baby Robert.” Doctor Austin sighed, that was the moment Bob knew he needed out. He needed to get to you, he needed to be there by your side and whisper how beautiful and strong and amazing you are for being a whole person into this world. Because if there was one thing you were, it was strong willed, and you weren't going to have this baby without him. That was a promise. “I’ll go talk with L&D and I’ll be right back.” 

“Tell my wife I’m here!” Bob shouted as Doctor Austin left the room, Bob felt like he couldn’t breathe. There was a pressure mounting inside his chest, like an elephant was perched upon his chest. “I’m—I’m here.” He broke. Tears streamed down his grazed cheeks as Phoenix hobbled over. She’d done a little damage to herself but nothing a little rest and recovery couldn’t fix. 

They were lucky—oh so lucky. 

“She's gonna be okay.” Natasha tried her best to comfort the Weapons System Officer she hardly knew, but Bob was long gone. He’d fallen deep into that hole, the one that the Greek God Chronos had created to separate this life from the next one. He was falling through a helpless paradox of anxiety and fear. You were about to give birth and he was going to miss it. As he crouched down as a whale of pain escaped his parted lips, Bob wished for nothing more than to reverse time.

Because if he could just simply reserve time then he wouldn’t have gone into work this morning. And none of this would be happening. 

***~***~***~****~***~****~****~***

“Desmond, she’s not doing well, at all.” Lily, one of your delivery nurses, pleaded with Bob's doctor to just let him come to your aid. “She thinks he’s dead, something about an accident he was in this morning.” 

“F-18 ejection, he hit the ground pretty hard.” Doctors Austin looked in at you on the bed, in the middle of active labour, fighting every urge you had to push. You weren’t having this baby, not without Bob, the love of your life, your best friend, your husband. “He’s fine, but he’s in for observation overnight and I’m still waiting for his result to come back from his MRI.” 

“If she doesn’t see her husband soon she’s going to need an emergency c-section and I for one am not about to place a panicked mother to be under the knife unless it’s critical.” Lily was your voice of reason. You couldn’t plead with Doctor Austin to let your husband go yourself so she did it for you. “If your patient can walk, hold his wife’s hand while she delivers their child and can sign a waiver saying he waved all medical advice then send him down here before she loses this baby.” 

“You L&D ladies think you know everything—“ 

“Just bring me her damn husband before it’s too late.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~**

Bob felt like he’d been condemned to some eternal hell, time froze as the walls of the hospital room he sat in with Phoenix grew closer and closer. He felt claustrophobic for the first time in a long time. 

“How did the two of you meet?” Phoenix tried to keep Bob's mind from going to places too dark to fathom. He needed a distraction from the fact he was here with her and you were delivering his child. All alone. 

“I was never good at history, she was my partner for this assessment we had in ancient history class once, everyone was doing their research on Pompeii but not Peach.” Bob chuckled to himself at the memory. “No she wanted to do Herculaneum and it turned out to be the only project I ever got an A on for that class.” You were just it for Bob. There was something special about your aura. Your ability to draw him close like a moth entranced by a flame. You took his breath away every time you told him you loved him. 

Your love sent Bob's heart clear out of this world. 

“We kinda just never left each other's side since then.” Bob explained as he sat against the wall on the floor with his elbows on his knees. “She’s always been so supportive of what I do even though I know it scares her more than anything to see me walk out that door every morning and she worries endlessly whenever I’m deployed.” 

“Becoming she loves you.” Phoenix wished she knew a love like Bobs, but her time hadn’t come yet. Bob nodded along as he twirled his wedding band around his finger as it hung from his dog tags. 

“Because she loves me.” 

“Floyd—“ Doctor Austin made his presence known as he chucked Bob a blue hospital gown and cap. “Put those on, sign this form that says you're going against my professional medical advice and follow me, you’re needed in labour and delivery.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

“Push! Y/n dear you need to push—!” Lily tried to persuade you to push when your next contraction hit but you were too far gone. You weren’t ready to be a mother, not without Bob there to be a father. 

“No! No, I'm not having this baby!” It was the hardest thing to hear as Bob came racing down the hall, his entire body ached from bruises, his head felt heavy on his shoulders from his concussion. But he was okay, he was alive. “I’m not! I won’t! I can’t do this without him!” You cried out in pain as you fought the urge to push, you swore your teeth were about to crush under the force of you clenching. A scream so heartbreaking and primal ripped through you as your body began to betray you. You were fighting nature's course and it wasn’t going well.

“She needs to push—she’s losing too much blood.” One of the nurses stated as a matter of factly just as Bob made it to the door. He froze at the sight of you, how could you look so beautiful in so much pain? He thought he was going to pass out as he took steady, slow steps into the room. 

“I’m here—“ Bob cooed as he came up to your beside. “I’m here Peach I’m here.”

“Bob?” You turned in a delirious state to where your husband's voice had come from. “No no I thought you—“

“I’m okay.” He smiled as he bent over to kiss your forehead and splay his hand on top of your head to push your hair away from your face. “I’m here, I told you I’d be here didn’t I?” 

“I thought you died, I thought you were in an accident?” You could barely focus, you felt so light headed that the world felt like it was spinning. “I thought—“

“Hey, hey you need to push alright? You can push now baby because I’m here and I’m with you and I’m fine.” Bob reassured you as you sobbed and nodded as he kissed your lips softly and held your hand. “You’re so strong, you’re so brave, and I love you so much, please push mama.” 

“This baby is coming whether you're ready or not Mrs Floyd so I’m gonna need you to focus so we can get this baby out.” Lily rounded the bed as she positioned herself between your legs. Bob felt you tighten your grip around his head and everything stopped. Time stood still, your screams were all but drowned out by the excitement and fear in Bob's heart. 

“Yes, Y/n good job. I can see bubs head you’re doing so well! Oh your next contraction I need you to push until I tell you to stop.” Lily smiled as you let your head fall back against the bed. 

“You’ve been telling me to push and now you don’t want me to push!?” You hissed. Bob couldn’t help but to chuckle. He was so amazed by your strength. 

“Yep, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.” Lily chuckled. She knew you were close, barreling towards another contraction. She could see it. “Alright this is the one mama, big push for me and bubs will be here in no time.” 

“Bob! It hurts! Make it stop!” You cried out, Bob wished he could take all your pain and experience it himself. He never wanted to see you in such a state, but your baby was coming, the baby you’d made together. You’d created together late one night or in the early hours of the morning he wasn’t too sure. But what he was sure of was that you could do this. “It hurts!!” 

“Push Mrs Floyd!” Lily shouted. 

“Come on peach push! push!” Bob willed you on as you did. You shouted  and cried and squeezed your husband’s hand so hard he thought you were about to break his damn hand. But this was it. Your baby was coming. 

“Okay okay the heads out stop!” Lily guided you as you let your head fall back against the bed in pure exhaustion. You were dehydrated, covered in sweat and ready to give up. “So I lied before, you’re gonna give me one smaller push to help bubs out Y/n and that it’s—you're done.” 

“I can’t.” 

“No peach you can.” Bob cooed. “You can because you’ve come this far.” 

“I’m not even sure if you're here or not.” You sobbed as you reached out to caress Bob's cheek. “I’m not even sure if you're here with me or if I’m seeing things.”

“I’m here, I’m real.” Bob whispered in your ear. “And we’re having our baby Peach, just one more little push and it’s gonna be you and me and our little one against the world.” You nodded softly and you shut your eyes and groaned. “You can do it.” 

“Alright let’s have this baby! One more small push!” Lily announced as another contraction tour through your exhausted body. 

“Ahhhhhh!!” You shouted and Bob swore you bust his eardrum, but it was a small sacrifice as the cries of the world’s newest human echoed off the walls. 

“Congratulations Mr and Mrs Floyd you have a little baby girl.” Lily handed you your daughter the second she was born. Placing her on your chest within seconds of her arrival. 

“Oh Peach, she's so beautiful.” Bob cried as tears streamed down his cheeks. He swore he’d never be able to love someone more than he loved you. But as you held your newborn daughter on your chest he kinda thought he’d been wrong. He could love someone just as much as he loved you. Your daughter. 

“She's perfect, hi b-baby.” Your voice was all but a whisper as your head lulled to the side. You felt dizzy, lightheaded as your daughters cried softened. “I love you.” 

“Y/n? Sweetheart are you alright?” You didn’t reply but you looked up at your husband with a dazed expression, a tunnel had begun to form, edges of a dark black hole crept its way into your mind.

Chronos hole—the one between this world and the next. 

“Peach?” Alarms rang out as Lily removed your crying newborn just minutes earth side from your chest as your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “No no no no what’s wrong what’s happening to her?” Bob asked as he tapped your cheek softly. “Hey, Peach, no stay with me, stay with me.” 

“Her blood pressure is dropping, she’s haemorrhaging.” Lily explained as she and a bunch of other nurses worked around you. “We need to get her into surgery, Mr Floyd.” 

“Sir, step back—“ An older nurse asked as she placed a hand on Bob's shoulder. He did as he watched Lily take a sample of your blood. 

“I’ll head directly to the lab to drop off the sample.” 

“Just make sure her surgeon has o-negative on the ready.” The only nurse replied as Bob stood there, watching as they wheeled you out on the same bed you'd just given birth in. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, he didn't get a chance to tell you how much he loved you. 

“Uh, do I go with her or?” Bob didn’t know what to do, his whole world had been turned upside down and on its head already today, and again it had just flipped once more. There was one nurse left, he didn’t know her name, but she smiled politely at him. 

“No, you should stay here with your daughter, she needs her daddy now.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

First there was a storm of carbon and molten rock which begat granite and soil. Then, the land shook and it cracked and it rose till it spiked the sky. Forest grew and died and grew a hundred times again. And then people grew and died and grew and died a hundred times again. There were storms and seasons and fences and blood. Wonder and vengeance and a whole lot of regret….

And through every grievance, every war, the land and the sky didn't give two shits about any of it. Bob Floyd knew that as he sat with his newborn daughter in the maternity room of the Miramar Base Hospital designed by man, for man to help other men with westernised medical procedures and treatments…

That it wouldn't give two shits about you either. 

“Hey..” A gruff voice came from the doorway, it took Bob all his light and all his remaining energy to look up from his daughter. The light and life of you. “I uh, I just thought I’d come check in on you and Phoenix.” Mav crossed his arms over his chest as he moved into the room. “How’s your wife doing?” 

“I don’t know.” Bob explained as he rocked his little girl, skin to skin was important so he’d stripped off what he could. “She’s still in surgery.” Pete could see the worry written in the lines of Bob's face. But the little girl who cried against his shoulder had him mesmerised. “Sorry darlin, I got you, daddy’s here.” 

“She’s a little beauty isn’t she?” Mav sat down beside the WSO who’d had a longer day then most. “You get a chance to name her yet? Before—?” Mav didn’t have to say before you went into shock. Your body had been through a lot and the nurses believed if you hadn’t held on so long, held back against what your body was telling you it needed to do then there was a possibility that it could have been a rather smooth delivery. Bob took that personally, the only reason you were holding back was because he wasn't here for you when you needed him the most. 

“No, but we’ll name her after, for now she’s baby Peach.” 

“Your wife’s nickname.” Mav replied softly as he looked up. He knew then and there what was about to happen. 

Bob knew there was a Doctor standing in the doorway. He didn’t dare look up. He knew if he looked up he’d be told the worst news of his life. 

Bob remembered that had asked you once when you were wrapped up in his arms in the dead of the night, listening to the storm raging on outside if you knew anything at all about a Greek God called Chronos. He remembered that you had chuckled out a soft no as he trailed his lips up your neck. Bob told you that he carried a sickle, that he used it to cut a hole, a tear in the cosmos between heaven and earth. Chronos did that to separate this world from the next, to separate the known from the unknown.

And while a Doctor by the name of Henry Nardella told him that you didn’t make it through the surgery, that you'd left him and your daughter behind, in a world where nothing made sense without you in it. 

Well—Robert Floyd felt as if he’d fallen straight into it. 

“No, please don't leave me here.” Bob felt like he’d fallen into the cosmic existence between now and soon to come, plummeting into a realm where time didn’t exist and light didn’t reach. He felt like he had tumbled into a parallel dimension where nothing made sense, nothing seemed tangible or real. He’d descended into a world where you weren't around. “No Peach, no.” 

But at the touch of his earlobe, a slight pressure formed at the lobe. So warm and comforting. Bob knew as your baby girl settled in against his chest at the lub dub of his heart beating for you–he knew you were safe on the other side. 

Because you had tugged on his earlobe, just like you promised you would. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

-> Main Masterlist

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[raysofcrosby]

Can you give us a blurb about Matt being psycho over protective during care’s pregnancy with Scarlett? Like I can see him being so over the top with unnecessary concern about everything and starts trying to not let her do anything. She might be endeared at first but she (and even Ethan eventually) quickly gets annoyed.

it's funny that you sent this bc there's actually a moment in the third bonus chapter (the pregnancy one) where in the late second trimester, you see matt being super protective and he's teamed up with ethan too so that when he's away, ethan's like his little spy! so i'll just give you a sneak peek of that instead 🥰

beneath the cut is a sneak peek of bonus chapter #3 – two pink lines

She was starting to think she was going crazy. She knew she filled up her coffee mug this morning before dropping Ethan off at school– she could close her eyes and actually see herself pouring it and making it...and yet, her entire cup was empty. Caroline didn't remember spilling it at any point in the car when she went to drop Ethan off at school or even on herself as she made her way into her back into the apartment this morning, so why was there absolutely no coffee left?

It wasn't even just the coffee either. She could've sworn that she had just bought more cheese for lunch sandwiches, it was even on the receipt she had dug out of her purse to prove to herself she had– and yet it was nowhere to be found.

Unless she was mixing up her days of making coffee and she had just forgotten to grab the bag at the grocery store with the cheese in it.

Which is exactly why she had called out of work, deciding that maybe she just needed to take an off day and let both her body and her brain relax. There wasn't much to do around the house, Ethan was pretty helpful with keeping it clean, especially since she was pregnant and Matt was gone from time to time.

In fact...he was pretty helpful with everything. Helping her do dishes, make dinner, pack their lunches. Not saying that he wasn't a helpful kid, because he's always been...but it's been almost suspicious how quick he is to get off of his iPad or out of his chair when doing homework whenever she walked into the kitchen. Almost like he was up to something.

"I'm home," Matt called out, closing the door behind him and walking into the living room where she was lounging on the couch. "How are you feeling? Do you need to see a doctor? Do you have a fever? Is there–"

"I'm fine, Matty," she laughed, taking a deep breath and rubbing her hand down her bump, sighing. "We're fine. I'm just a little tired is all. Just because I needed a break, doesn't mean something is instantly wrong."

"I know, I know," he replied, sitting down beside her. "I just don't want you to get super stressed about anything."

"I'm growing a human inside of me, of course I'm going to be stressed but it's natural," she replied, reaching up and running her fingers through his hair before resting it against his right cheek. "But that's what my Doctor is for and all the testing."

"Alright fine, I'll relax." He nodded turning his head and kissing the inside of her palm. "I'm gonna take a shower, when E gets home I'll take him somewhere so you can have a little more quiet time, sound good?"

"He should be home soon. Elizabeth said she'd pick him up today, so make the shower quick." she replied, covering herself up with the blanket and laying down, resuming the true crime netflix series that had just come out.

Matt had gone down the hall and into their bathroom and she'd only been laying down on the couch for about five minutes when the front door opened.

"Daddy, I'm home!" Ethan called out, closing the door and moving towards the dining room where he always dropped off his backpack. "I did what you asked me to this morning, but I almost got caught because Momma came back down the hallway right when I dumped her coffee and–"

"You did what?!" Caroline asked, sitting up and looking towards the back of the couch, Ethan's eyes going wide. "Ethan Matthew Tkachuk, why did you dump my coffee?"

"Did I hear E?" Matt asked, walking down the hall in sweats and a hoodie, drying his hair with the towel and stopping just at the end of the hall, taking in the scene. "What?"

"He told me to!" Ethan confessed, pointing at Matt. "He said I had to make sure you didn't drink coffee or eat cheese and that you didn't try to do anything by yourself and stuff because of the baby."

Caroline looked at Matt who's eyes were wide as he turned to her, a sheepish smile on his face. "To be fair...I told him not to let you drink two cups of coffee and soft cheese."

"THE CHEESE IS SOFT!" Ethan huffed, walking into the dining room and grabbing his lunch box, coming back and opening it and pulling out the opened pack of Swiss cheese. "See? SOFT. And your mug is big, so that's more than two cups of coffee."

"Oh my God," Caroline laughed sarcastically, shaking her head and looking at Matt.

"I'm not doing it anymore. I'm tired of waking up early to pour out your coffee. Besides, I spilled it on my pants this morning and it smells." Ethan pouted, handing Caroline the packaged cheese. "Please don't be mad at me, Momma. I only did it to help the baby."

"It's fine, Ethan," she sighed, taking the cheese from him as she stood up off of the couch, pointing at them both. "But I want both of you to know that I'm almost a 29-year-old woman, I've been through this before, so I know what to eat and drink and how to survive growing this little human inside of me."

"Care–"

"Nope, stay right there," she said, pointing back at Matt who looked more than apologetic. "I get why you did it, I really do. But I spent the entire day thinking I was losing my mind because of your guys' little secret plan."

"Sorry, Mommy," Ethan frowned, holding his hands together. "Can I do anything to help?"

"It's alright Ethan. Just know that this isn't soft cheese, just because it's soft. It's okay for me to eat because his pasteurized. And my coffee mug is big, but I only pour about one cup into it, which is halfway." She sighed. "But I wouldn't mind if you helped set up a bath for me."

"I can do that!" Ethan nodded, quickly giving her a hug before running down the hall to her and Matt's bedroom.

Caroline walked towards the kitchen with the cheese in her hand and heard Matt follow behind her. She opened the fridge and put the cheese back inside, turning around to see Matt standing right there with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, holding onto both of her hands. "I just...I worry when I'm not here because what if you need something and E can't drive and it all sounds so crazy...but I'm just worried. And I figured if I made him my little helper and spy, that it'd be easier to help out."

"It's fine, Matty, I get it." She nodded, wrapping her arms around his waist. "But just...pull back a little, okay? I promise if anything's ever wrong, I'll let you know. But right now, we're good, okay?"

"Promise?" He pouted, looking down at her near seven month bump.

"Promise," she smiled, grabbing one of his hands and placing it on her bump just as she felt their daughter kick. "See? She's okay."

He smiled leaning in and kissing her before pulling back and sighing. "I mean come on...how was I supposed to know he thought soft cheese was just cheese?"

[love-songs-for-emma]

2012 buzzwords and phrases

nutella

one direction video diaries

dan & phil radio show on BBC1

"rose tyler, i-"

mishapocalypse

covering things in patterned duck tape (tie dye, lime green/pink arrows, that terrible purple)

oovoo/skype video calls<33

roblox dot com "can i haz chez burger too?"

o.O xD :3 (:

frantically skipping over fucked up shit on omegle (we should Not have been able to access this site)

using twitter to tweet shit like "@NIALLHORAN I LOVE YOU!!!!" >>0 likes 0 retweets 5 followers (best friend, internet friend, internet friend, & two porn bots)

tumblr girl

#justgirlythings

unironically saying "I'm not like other girls" "EPIC" "ROFLCOPTER"

troll face rage comic

top text bottom text memes

"shut up and take my money!"

desperately wanting those mini polaroid cameras

mario galaxy 2!!!!

mindlessly playing the wii/wiiu for hours on urs or ur best friend's couch

(for americans spec:) that random obsession with british people and drinking tea???

2012 mayan calendar ending,, the end of the world!!

(spec to east coast US+) hurricane irene & hurricane sandy on halloween

hot topic thick rubber bracelets

walking around ur local mall for hours w/ like 3 friends, just to end up buying over-priced taco bell in the food court

high top converse!!!!

colored skinny jeans!! (bright red w/ suspenders & a striped t-shirt, the louis tomlinson look)

"hug me" t-shirts (ty niall horan:/)

black & white checkered studded belts, seatbelt-looking belts

the cinnamon challenge

kony 2012

starting a youtube channel on ur own and/or with ur best friend (only to forget the password & nvr come back to it)

hobbies?? outside of school?? (i.e. dance class, musical theater, gymnastics, tennis, horseback riding, baton twirling (why is it always baton twirling), etc.)

boyscouts/girlscouts (wasn't me but i Saw y'all)

the scary maze game

making cringe 4 panel memes of urself to post on this new app called instagram ("hey um.... >~<" "did you know that..." "like..." "you're really beautiful :)")

science side of tumblr

superwholockian

"you were the bravest man i ever knew, the most human... human being i ever met" (if u dont still cry ur lying)

"okay?" "okay." or,, throwing tfios when reading The Part

the green brothers!! & vidcon!!

jennamarbles (i miss her sm & i hope she's happy & safe & doing SO well) & her spiderman poster

"what boys are like" "what girls are like" YouTube videos

slenderman

the maximum ride series/reading anything by james patternson

/reading late into the night

camp, sleep-away camp, babysitting or being babysat while ur friends/ur parent(s) worked in the summer bc u couldn't stay home alone (this prob isn't 2012 specific but it is to ME)

or,, staying home alone

& listening to music so loudly????

hiding headphone wires up ur sleeve to listen to music in class

going to "the computer room" in urs or ur friends house (bonus points if it was in their basement, u had to share it with siblings, and/or ur/their dad would kick u off it to idk check his email)

divorce qkjxsjjdkd (again,, prob not 2012 specific but LMAO)

three way calls on The House Phone

calling ur friends house & saying, "hi. this is x, is y there?"

hand games, like quack dilly oso & concentration 64 (do ppl still play these ones in particular)

"IMA FYARIN MAH LAZER BLARGH!" "doctor octogonopus BLAH!" (i.e.,,, the laser collection)

the asdf movie(s)

charlie the unicorn, llamas with hats

fedoras...... unironically my beloved..........

y'all think furries are bad?? remember bronies??

i'm yours by jason mraz, someone like you by adele, hey soul sister by train being the only songs that exist

bangin' ur ankle with ur metal razor scooter,, those soft grips on the handle bars, pressin' in the lil metal buttons to twist & push out the handles for some reason

comedy central: tosh.0, its always sunny in philadephia, south park, etc.

THE GREATEST FREAKOUT EVER!!!! (vid where guy shoves remote up his ass bc his mom canceled his WOW account)

[beansnpeets]

The more I think about it, the less I think I can work a proper full time job. I've never been able to do it without burning out. The longest I was at a job was just shy of 2 years and I left because of shit with my ex and I moved, but at the same time I was in major burnout, due to both the job and also my ex, and every other job after that I have burnt out within like 6 months or less and I just can't do it. Gonna come back to this post later so I can discuss it with my doctor when I have my appointment.

First job at 18: hardware store. Hated it. Was so stressed and burnt out, only worked there for like 9 months. Coworkers were mostly nice, but some were rough to deal with. Expected to constantly be bustling and I was exhausted.

Went to uni for a year: did well academically, didn't feel like it was for me. Stressed. Felt lost and like I had no clue what I was supposed to be doing. Taking random courses to see what I wanted to do, but nothing felt right.

Did photography school: was depressed all year, going through a lot of shit between 2 abusive relationships. Got booted from the program a week before graduation because my grade in ONE class was just below what they wanted.

Worked at previous hardware store again, temporary while they renovated: clashed pretty bad with the store manager, he was a dickhead, requested to be moved to the gas station after the temp position was done.

The gas station: was there for a month and quit because I thought I was moving back home, instead moved to BC.

Grocery store: was a cashier for 3 months, hated that, mentally exhausting, can't stand in one place all day like that, they moved me into the bakery, was there for almost 2 years. My ex developed a coke addiction and cheated on me with my best friend/coworker, he was also a drunk. He had been emotionally abusive and gaslighting me and I was so out of it, I started to forget to pan special orders all the time, baker tried to get me canned, I ended up leaving, but I was the assistant manager when I left.

Worked at a giant tiger: was there for 3 weeks, had a meltdown in the bathroom after a customer accused me of being racist because I asked him to go to the next till because mine was closed because it was my lunch break, but the white lady behind him wasn't listening and came through my till and I kept trying to leave, but nobody saw the "closed" sign and my manager came by and told me not to tell customers to go to another till and to just ring them through and leave when I was done, but the issue being people kept lining up and I ended up going for my lunch an hour late. Rolled my truck on the way home and quit via text the next morning.

My first office job: worked at the RM office for 3 months, tried desperately to do well and fit in, but things just didn't work out in my favour and the lady I was supposed to replace changed her mind and didn't leave and everyone treated me like I was stupid and targeted me constantly for every tiny thing. They fired me right after I started paying for the benefits package. Dick move tbh.

Another grocery store: worked in the bakery decorating cakes and doing morning shift. It suited me fine for the most part, I liked the consistent hours, but was too tired after work to do anything at home, just like every other job I've had. No energy for chores or even fun stuff. Just tired. Worked there for about 9 months, new department manager, she changed my hours and had me on all sorts of random shifts, was different every day and every week. Quit because she refused to follow my availability or hear me out at all.

Another gas station: the kiosk kind. Super laid back and chill. Boss was dope. Spent a lot of time just hanging out, wasn't busy. 6 months in got robbed and it was all downhill from there. Was scared and anxious and uncomfortable. Could no longer stand how customers treated me like a cigarette dispensing robot. They wouldn't say hello or please or thank you. Lasted another 6 months, covid hit and I quit.

Went back to uni: wanted a career and to get out of retail. Made it 3 terms in and burnt out. Failed a marketing course and panicked and quit the program.

And here we are today. I am the animal control officer for my RM and I am seasonal public works. I hardly work any hours, but the politics of the animal control job have been driving me absolutely batty and I want to scream at the CAO every time I have to talk to her. She was also my boss at the office job I had. She's impossible to work with. She constantly ignores boundaries. I don't wanna do the job. Like I need the money, but I wanna quit anyway, it's miserable. I certainly don't want to be public works, but, again, I need the money and animal control doesn't pay enough to live off of. Hell, even WITH public works it isn't enough since I hardly get hours.

I felt like I needed to lay it all out to look at later when I talk to my doctor, maybe to discuss possibly getting me on disability because I can't work a full time job. I can't work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's just too much and retail makes me wanna die, but I can't get into anything else. I can't go back to school, I've tried 3 times and every time it doesn't work out. I'm tired all the time. ALL THE TIME. Even though I've been basically off work and school for MONTHS now I am still tired all the time. Everything feels exhausting and BORING. I'm stressed out and I shouldn't be. It sucks.

[reloha]

Just going to throw interesting tags here.

@aq2003:

#my feelings on these are as follows: 1) like half of it but v conflicted over it. overrated. 2) it's good but so overrated and needs to#stop winning every series 4 poll. 3) it's the worst episode of rtd era by far and anyone who likes it has bad taste#4) second worst ep in rtd's run and i genuinely do not get what people see in this one. the tragic ending doesnt even land#5) i have seen ppl declare undying love for this one which i do not understand whatsoever bc it's just kinda mediocre to me#im sorry women but astrid was just Some White Lady and i wanted martha back so bad

[Me: Yes. I just wanted Martha back. I’ve been thinking about that a lot. ]

@harrowq:

#i don’t like human nature/family of blood…..#it feels kinda disingenuous saying it but i really am not a fan#metawise it is interesting to talk and think about but i always skip it on rewatch#i just. don’t like it

@alexmey-does-an-arts:

#i liked voyage of the damned mostly for the foons. best dw side characters ever#i agree astrid was just. Boring#i think girl in the fireplace had super cool designs for the villians and an interesting plot#however that plot was done far far better late in deep breath and the characterization sucks (thanks moffat)#i have issues with all of these lmaoo#human nature/family of blood has so much horrific treatment of martha as does shakespeare code#silence in the library/forest of the dead is good but not as good as people say imo#i love love river song but i just don't think she was introduced as well as she couldve been#and later on moffat just doesn't write her that great either

@nethnad:

#i voted girl in the fireplace because 1) its mickeys only ever episode as a full-time companion before the two-parter he leaves in#and hes shafted half the damn time like come on. but also 2) it is so clearly the beginning of moffats obsession w the time travelers wife#you watch it and youre like. moffat. moffat is this gonna frame the background for any later stories moffat. and he says ha dont worry#only to immediately use the same general trope w river of 'man meets girl out of time throughout her life'#its like the blaring fire alarm that signals how hes gonna treat women as showrunner

@danielfeketewrites:

#it's Army of Ghosts and Doomsday for me#The End of Time is also up there#I wasn't even aware that voyage or code were like#highly rated by the fandom?#i can understand voyage#it's a big dumb populist disaster movie#sure#but shakespeare's code?#it's a waste of shakespeare#on a pretty bland ep#written by groberts#that features a jkr shoutout#I thought we all knew this

@roxannepolice:

#v9ted silence in the library because yes it's a brilliant two parter but definition of overstated#like. MIDNIGHT is right next to it#human nature has bad concepts but I think it's the bad on purpose case. like if something that was meant to annoy you annoyed you#then it did it's job. also as woth dim the whole human nature as core theme of s3 is literally spelled out there#I confess I have a soft spot for Shakespeare code but that's bc it basically said Shakespeare's mysterious muse was a WOC#abs a marx'a vrothers reference#girl in a fireplace and v9yage of the damned get just due appreciation I feel? Like they're well liked#but I've never seen them praised as deep or sth

@roadimusprime:

#Blink#I said what I said#Doctor Who#SITL/FOTD and GITF are overrated though but Blink gets the crown

@s-h-a-s-e:

#midnight. because everyones always going on about how bloody great it is.#it makes me really really sad. and not in a fun way#p.s. i'm related to the guy who plays morvin van hoff (foon's husband) in voyage of the damned.#i've only met him once but he was really cool (complimented the top hat I was wearing)

@illyriashade56

#shakespeare code i am not a fan of#i think martha deserves to beat ten with a rock for how she got treated by him#also the unrequeited love aspect is so hamfisted in that ep i hate it#martha is a better person than me i would have tried to strangle shakespeare at least twice if i were in her place

@foreign-dorian:

#my least favorite of these is absolutely gitf#NOT because it’s a bad story but because it feels like Moffat had a grand idea and ran with it without any respect for characterization#it just doesn’t fit the season that it was written in#and he clearly reuses the storyline with Amy in place of Reinette; I just think it would’ve worked better if he’d saved it for s5#Shakespeare code/family of blood are interesting conceptually but they did Martha so dirty#honestly of these choices voyage wins by dint of not being openly racist + Moffat not being weird about women + Bannakaffalatta

@variousqueerthings :

#look ive gotta just echo prev tags here#my feelings on these are as follows: 1) like half of it but v conflicted over it. overrated. 2) it's good but so overrated and needs to#stop winning every series 4 poll. 3) it's the worst episode of rtd era by far and anyone who likes it has bad taste#4) second worst ep in rtd's run and i genuinely do not get what people see in this one. the tragic ending doesnt even land#<-#and for 5 on my own terms is that it's a silly episode and i have fun with it and mainly it's like#fits into the canon of ten being a bleeding heart who immediately loses every time (stay losing king) -- didnt know it was considered a bes#i think it's funny that family of blood double and silence of the library double were voted into the top ten best OF ALL TIME in the dwm#because yeah.... family of blood double is like. cool in some places. and soooooooo messy in others#and the library double episodes i just... i think they're fine. i think the library itself is cool and donna's narrative is cool#but i think bits of it age in that unpalatable moffat-and-women kind of way and you could see some of my least favourite#tenth doctor-writing in it... and that ending *rolls eyes*#generally i think moffat is so often So bad at emotional character-based writing (see girl in fireplace but you get some in silence as well#(less with donna but i think that's ctate working well with the material tbh)#that he can have the coolest concepts in the world if he wants -- 99% of the time i am not emotionally invested#so hashing it out in the tags will probably go for silence#good episode to be clear -- soooo severely overrated#(toby whithouse out-moffated moffat in the god complex by writing an episode that was weird AND had strong characters)

@canlifechillforasecond:

#HAS to be Shakespeare Code or Girl in the Fireplace#the whole madame de pompedore thing was so weird#continuing trend of Steven Moffat being weird about women#and just *gestures to Shakespeare code*#really hard to choose but I’m gonna go with Shakespeare code bc there are a few genuinely fun scenes in girl in the fireplace#that scene in Shakespeare code where Shakespeare just starts saying racist shit#even though it was ‘of the times’#was so completely unnecessary to the plot

[meetmeatthecoda]

Lately, I've found myself drawn to stories ( and I mean drawn to as in envisioning those stories in my head, thinking them through to the very last detail, not reading, let alone writing them down, because I've long since accepted that they will never turn out quite the same on the paper ) where Red is the one who'd been seriously hurt and, therefore, rendered unconscious for an indefinite amount of time and worried Liz is the one who doesn't leave his side, hoping and praying and pleading that he would wake up. Probably, something that has to do with how unfair it is that we've seen Red keep vigil by hurt!Lizzy's side – playing music for her, holding her hand, reading to her etc. – a number of times and yet, over the course of 8 seasons, never have ever been allowed the pleasure of seeing Liz do the same for him ( not even when he was shot – because she left to retrieve the Fulcrum and couldn't come back until the fight was over – or when he was poisoned – because she'd been waiting to be cleared to see him and he ran away the moment he wasn't actively dying, because that's Red for you all ), even though she loves and cares about him as much as he loves and cares about her.

I mean, just imagine the possibilities!

Liz pacing around the waiting area of Red's mobile hospital while he's in surgery, unable to think about anything else other than how he looked – battered and broken and barely alive – when they've found him and how his head rested in her lap ( she could almost convince herself that he was merely dozing, if he wasn't so deathly pale and still and there wasn't so much blood on his clothes and her clothes and her hands and the backseat of the car ) and his hand was limp in her death grip as they rushed him to his doctors and she whispered words of reassurance and encouragement to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her and how she had to fight the instinct to curl around her lover and snarl at anyone who would come close because she can't let him be hurt further as the medics took him away from her, exchanging observations and orders that didn't sound particularly reassuring. She's also acutely aware of the fact that Red is fighting for his life – there, just a few feet away from her – and, though he's the strongest man she's ever known, he may not win, and so she makes a promise to the empty air in front of her that she will kill him herself if he dares to give up on her and Agnes like that now, when they've just reached the good, right place in their relationship, just confesses their feelings to each other. At some point, Dembe most certainly pulls Liz in for a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder, doing his best to comfort her ( even though there's nothing that can bring her more comfort than Red's hug, when he – alive and whole – wraps his arms protectively around her and holds her close and lets her hide from the whole world in his arms, his chest, his shoulder and neck – wherever she prefers to burrow her face at the time – and the memory itself makes her cry harder, because there's a possibility that he will never hug her like that again ), even though he's just as worried and scared as she is, and Mr Kaplan helps Liz clean up, washing away Red's blood from her hands and producing seemingly out of the thin air fresh clothes for her to change into.

Red, of course, pulls through the surgery, beating all odds, and Liz's heart floods with relief at the good news before sinking when the doctor explains to her and Dembe and Mr Kaplan the extent of Red's injuries and that it's impossible to say when – or even if – he wakes up.

And so the waiting game begins. Liz doesn't leave Red's side, holding his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb and never letting go, constantly talking to him and reading to him and even asking Dembe to bring the record player and some records from the Bethesda apartment to play to him, hoping that it would elicit some kind of response from him. Yet, as they days go by, there's not a single, smallest sign that he's aware of anything that's going on around him, that he's still there somewhere and is trying to find his way back to her, to them – he doesn't stir, doesn't so much as flutter his eyelashes, and Liz grows more desperate with each passing day, even though the doctor assures her that Red's slowly but surely improving ( but she can't see it with her own eyes, and if she can't see it, she's less likely to believe it, the more time passes with him just lying there, undisturbed by the loud, chaotic world around him ).

And then there's Agnes... While Liz keeps vigil at Red's bedside, the babysitting duties are split equally between Aram and Samar, Charlene and Cooper, Ressler and Audrey and Dembe and Mr Kaplan. Yet more often than not whoever picks little Agnes up from school and / or her ballet classes brings her over to the safe-house where Liz and Red are. She doesn't seem to be as unnerved by Red's state as her mommy is, climbing on his bed each time she visits ( after giving her mommy the biggest hug, of course ) and leaning in close to him, examining his face thoughtfully before half-asking, half-stating "He's still tired, mommy?". And Liz usually replies with a hoarse "Yes, baby" because she doesn't trust herself not to get choked up if she tries to answer more eloquently. Agnes simply nods then, satisfied with the explanation why he hasn't woken up yet, and settles against Red's side – mindful of his injuries and the spider web of wires and tubes connecting him to all sorts of monitors and machines – and either naps ( especially, on ballet classes days ) or tells her mommy and Red ( she talks to him just like Liz does much too easily – promising him to show him the new moves she's learnt when he wakes up etc. – as if she's already done that before or seen anyone else do that... unbeknownst to Liz, she did both – when Liz herself was in a coma, Agnes both saw Red talk to her mommy and was encouraged by him to talk to her, too, because it may help her mommy sleep easier and maybe she'll get better sooner and finally wake up ) about her day or does her homework or draws ( more often than not, she draws either cards for Red to read when he wakes up or just things she wants him to see ). And when the time comes for her to leave, she always kisses Red on the cheek, wishing him "sweet dreams" and to get better soon, and then gives her mommy, who tries so very hard not to tear up but fails miserably, a hug and a kiss, too, and tells her frequently that she shouldn't cry because Red is just too tired, just like she – Liz – once was, and that he just needs to sleep a bit more.

And when the door behind Agnes closes and Liz is sure her daughter won't see / hear her, she breaks down hard, in big, ugly sobs, because her little girl shouldn't be acting so naturally in this kind of situation and because she wishes so hard that Red just woke up, because she can't do this, any of this, without him.

In the end, once his body has healed itself enough and he regained enough of his strength, Red, of course, does wake up. It's a slow process, and Liz thinks she might either faint or go mad from the overwhelming feelings that are swirling inside of her when Red moves for the first time in what seems to her like forever – squeezing her hand feather-lightly – and when he leans slightly, unconsciously into her touch when she strokes his cheek – out of habit, without even expecting any sort of reaction from him and being pleasantly surprised – and when he opens his eyes for the first time – it's a brief occurrence, with his eyes slipping shut tiredly again after just a few moments, and he's still pretty much out of it, apparently, not even noticing her presence by his side, but for Liz it's a major event – and when he finally, finally looks directly at her – alive and conscious and alert – and calls her "Lizzy". He's still weak and his voice sounds terrible and Liz knows she shouldn't let all of her pent-up feelings ��� the fear and despair and frustration and love and relief and exhaustion – out on him like that – he's just woken up, after all – but she can't hold back the tears nor the jumbled mess of "thank you"s and "I love you"s and " "I've missed you"s and "I'm so so happy you're back" and "I was so worried" and "Don't ever scare me like that again" that spills from her lips as she leans in to kiss him lightly and give him the gentlest of hugs...

(Since I'm not a ficwriter and, therefore, have no intentions of using this pile of ideas/images/feelings myself, I wouldn't mind at all if you or any other writer drew inspiration from this rambling of mine)

Ahhhhh 😭😭😭 Are you sure you're not a fic writer, anon?? Cause this reads like some quality hurt/comfort to me!! 🥲🥲 Honestly, this is a lovely scenario to imagine & it gives me a slightly bitter sense of satisfaction to think of Liz suffering through just a fraction of the time Red spent by her side while she was in her coma... especially if it's the catalyst for fEeLiNgS to emerge tee hee bc, you're RIGHT, we were woefully deprived of those situations in the show & I'll never not be sad about it tbh. More specifically, things I love the most about this in no particular order: Liz having to "fight the instinct to curl around her lover & snarl" *swoon*, Liz swearing she will kill him herself if he dies LMAO, Dembe hugging her for comfort & Mr. Kaplan helping her get cleaned up 🥺🥺🥺, Liz playing records for Red yasss, AGNES & everyone taking turns babysitting her while she misses her Daddy desperately but deals with the situation with a maturity & grace beyond her years in an effort to help her grieving Mommy through it cool cool mkay mkay, Liz only breaking down once Agnes leaves OWWW, anddddd Liz being a blubbering mess when Red finally wakes up & calls her "Lizzie" & they kiss *whispers* it's fine, i'm fine 🙃 IN CONCLUSION, I love this anon, thank you for sharing this lovely little AU with me!! 🥰 And much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

[writemywaytoyourheart]

Requested: no, not at all

a/n: this has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me y'all. the only reason I made this was bc I want you all to know what can happen when you leave someone behind. So if you're struggling, please talk to someone, talk to me, my asks and dms are always open. Ily

*Listen to Clouds by Before You Exit, either before or after reading this*

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x reader

Genre: angst, bits of fluff scattered about, but just pure angst if we're being honest here.

Warnings: Language, suicidal death, panic attacks, depression, lots of hurt and depressed Kookoo I'm so sorry.

Word Count: 5.7k hoo

Read at your own emotional risk. If this is triggering for you do not read it please. Go find happy fluff on my Masterlist

The smile on your face could fool anyone. It sure did fool him.

The way you danced to the music no matter where you were or who was watching, made his heart skip a beat in his chest.

You would belt out whatever song was playing, even if you didn't know all the lyrics. A ton of 'la la la's' would ensue and he couldn't control his giggles while watching you. His heart pounded in his chest everytime he heard you sing, even though you weren't the best singer in the world.

The way you would subtly tell him that you were hungry–dramatically grabbing your stomach and groaning about how your belly button was surely sucking your spine because of how empty it was down there.

Your eyes would light up when he suggested getting lunch, and 'oh yeah sure, if you're hungry' would be your nonchalant reply, although the brightness in your eyes and the skip in your step as you hurried ahead of him gave you away. His heart fluttering as he was tripping over himself to catch up to you.

The way your eyes would get bigger as you looked at the food choices, whether he took you to a restaurant or a random food stand on the sidewalk. You were so excited every time.

The day Jungkook asked you to be his girlfriend would be etched into your memory forever. You'd been friends for about a year, he trusted you with everything and would always turn to you, and he knew that you were the person that he wanted to spend his life with, maybe have a family with someday. He actually knew it the day he first laid eyes on you–you were introducing yourself to them all, and reached Jungkook last stretching your hand out to shake his and the second you touched him–a bell went off. It startled Jungkook and he whirled around trying to find where it came from. He found that it was Jimin's alarm as the older boy quickly turned it off. He never told anyone until you two were dating, you were both hopeless romantics and you squealed in delight when he told you the story. He knew then that you were his soulmate.

The day he asked you to be his was in the spring, you two were walking along a path of cherry blossom trees. It was cliché but his cute stutter and pink cheeks made it a thousand times better.

Of course you also had your bad days, everyone does. But you always tried your best to keep a smile on your face. He admired you a lot for that. But he loved you just as much when you cried for hours, lying in his arms, feeling like you wanted to give up, when you didn't know what to do anymore, though he always helped you come down from that. On the less serious days, you would rant for a bit about what had you down, then suggest a dance party, and he would happily oblige.

You two would spin around dancing and singing along to the songs until your lungs inevitably gave out or your head got too dizzy, then you'd plop on the ground in a fit of giggles. Troubles long forgotten.

At least that's what you made him believe.

Yeah, you definitely fooled him.

Now you were gone.

And he would never get the chance to ask you why.

-

"Hello?"

"....Kookie?" Your voice on the other line sounded weak, it was late and he was worried you might be sick.

"Hey baby, what are you doing?"

"...Kookie, I'm sorry." Your voice broke at the end, Jungkook didn't think he'd ever heard you sound so sad and tired.

"What do you mean baby? It's okay, what's going on? Talk to me."

"Jungkook, I...I lo-" Were you crying? He tried to stay calm, "Y/n? Baby, what is it?" You didn't answer so he spoke again, a little louder this time, "Y/n, please answer me love."

...

'Hyung, I think I need to go to Y/n.'

All he can remember is pale.....pale walls, pale tiled floors, your body lying limp on them, pale pills dumped on the floor next to you.

Confusion and panic.

That's all he can remember. No matter how hard he tries to forget it.

Voices shouting around him. Someone grabbing his arms when he started to fade. Jin hyung picking you up in his arms, cradling your lifeless body and hurrying out of the bathroom. Where had the light in your eyes gone? Why did they look so empty?

'She's tired...she needs to sleep.'

He kept repeating the words to Hoseok who was holding him up now. Hoseok just nodded silently and held the youngest up the best he could.

'Hyung, she's sick. She needs medicine. She needs to sleep.'

Why was no one listening to him? Why was Jimin crying? Where did Y/n and Jin hyung go? What was going on? Why was Yoongi hyung shouting into a phone?

Hoseok practically carried Jungkook to the car, pushing him in and slamming the door shut behind them.

Why wouldn't Jimin stop crying? Why was Tae pale as a ghost as he sped down the road? Why was Namjoon trying to calm everyone down? Where were Y/n, Jin, and Yoongi?

What the hell is going on??

There you were, someone was wheeling you into a white room, on a white bed, your hair splayed haphazardly around your face.

That was the night he lost you.

That night.....It will haunt him for the rest of his life.

-

"Shut up Kookoo!" You laugh and hit him playfully, he couldn't help but reach out and tickle your sides to get you to stop smacking his chest–causing you to shriek and flail away from him. He loved that nickname that you always called him, and he wouldn't dare let anyone else call him that.

"Why should I?" He laughed as you kept trying to get away from his tickle attack. He had just beaten you at yet another round of 'Sorry', that stupid passive-agressive board game, and he wouldn't stop teasing you for making that one dumb move.

"It was a stupid accident Kook! Just shuddup already!" You couldn't stop laughing and kicking at him, trying to knock him off of you.

Eventually he pins your arms to your sides, and lays on top of you. You try not to let a smile break as he grins down at you, then he leans down and kisses your nose softly, then both your cheeks, he rubs his nose against yours before kissing your lips, "sorry baby, I'll stop teasing you now." He leans down and starts kissing all over your face again, giggles leaving your lips at the ticklish feeling...Then he takes your hand and looks at the little silver ring on your pointer finger–he had a matching one on his–he traces it and looks for the little engraving on it, then reads it aloud, " 'forever and always', remember when you didn't want that on it?" He makes a face at you and you laugh, "it's not that I didn't want it, it just sounded cheesy at the time. But I love it." He kisses you again,

"I love you Y/n."

"Love you too Kookoo."

-

"What are you saying?" The confusion and fear shook Jungkook's voice as he looked back and forth between Jin and the doctor he met only hours ago. None of the other members around could meet his eyes.

"What are you s-saying?" He repeated the question when no one answered him. The sound of Tae's voice cracking and his sobs starting didn't even register in Jungkook's brain. He didn't see Jimin trying to figure out who to go to, then settling on hugging Tae as if his life depended on it, seeing as Jungkook wasn't in the state to be touched.

"Please answer me." His voice was steadier than he expected. The doctor was the only one willing to look him in the eyes, "I'm sorry...but she's gone."

"Gone where?"

"What?"

"You're confusing me, please, just." Jungkook was obviously struggling, his eyes started to burn, from confusion and the frustration of not being understood.

"Jungkook-" Jin's eyes were red as he stepped forward to take his young friend's arm, but Jungkook moved back, away from Jin's reach.

"Can I please just go see her now? She needs me." Jungkook's voice broke again and he just wanted to scream, what was the matter with everyone? Why couldn't he go to you? "She needs me...."

"Jungkook, your girlfriend, she's-"

"...what?"

"She's dead, Jungkook. I'm sorr-"

"Stop it."

"Jungkook please-" Yoongi stepped up to him now, trying to take his arm, tears streaming steadily down the usually composed elder hyung's cheeks.

"Don't lie to me."

Namjoon and Hoseok were turned away, they couldn't watch anymore, their own faces were damp with tears, their eyes red and swollen.

"Jungkook, I wouldn't do that, I wish I could say it isn't true." The doctor himself was close to breaking down in tears, even though he'd seen many deaths, "I don't think it's a good idea for you to back there right no-"

Jungkook ignored him and pushed past everyone, heading straight to the room you were wheeled into a few hours ago.

The second he saw you lying on the bed, cold and motionless; his mind shut down. That wasn't you. That isn't you. It can't be. He saw you yesterday, you were in his arms yesterday. That wasn't you. He didn't know who that was, but his Y/n was fine, she was at home sleeping, she had work tomorrow. They were going to hang out tomorrow when she was done. Get ice cream and walk in the park.

You were alive. You were fine. They were all pranking him and trying to make him cry. He should call you, call you and tell on them. They were pranking him and it wasn't funny. You would scold the other members and cuddle him to make it okay again.

The sound of Hoseok sucking in a deep breath brought Jungkook back, he turned and saw the other members staring at the person in the bed. They looked sick, like they were going to cry or throw up, Jimin looked close to passing out. Jungkook shoved past them, "you're all assholes, I'm telling Y/n on you and you'll be sorry when she scolds you." Taehyung reached out for Jungkook, tears flowing freely down his face, "J-Jungkook, where are going?"

"I'm going to call Y/n, leave me alone." The boys stared after him in horror. They couldn't process everything that was happening too quickly.

Jungkook's hands shake as he dials your number, listening to the ringing. It rings again and again and again. He hangs up and tries again, after more ringing he gets sent to your voicemail; 'Hello this is Y/n, I'm sorry but I can't answer the phone right now, please leave a message. Unless you're Jungkook, in that case please call again, Kookoo! I'll answer for you.' your laugh bubbles out and then there's a beep, his voice gets caught in his throat, "Y-Y/n, it's Jungkook, please answer your phone, the boys did something horrible and I need to hear you." He tries to keep a steady voice, calling once more and getting the same message that says if it's him, to call again. So he does, again and again and again.

-

"JEON JUNGKOOK!"

Jungkook leapt up from your bed and sprinted to the living room after hearing your shout come from the bathroom, no way was he letting you get ahold of him now. He couldn't stop his giggles as he jumped on the couch and waited for you to get your revenge. Sure enough a few seconds later you stormed out of the hallway, eyes ablaze with fury.

"Jeon Jungkook what the hell is the matter with you??" Your hands are on your hips as you glare at the boy playing innocent in front of you.

"What do you mean Y/n?" His eyes are big and brown causing you to hesitate getting angry, curse his beautiful doe eyes.

"I'm gonna get you back Jeon." You harshly point an accusing finger at him and turn to stalk back to your room. At the sight of your wet shorts he bursts into a fit of laughter. You swing back around and glare at him again.

"Something funny?" There's no hint of amusement in your voice and he chokes back another laugh, biting his lip and shaking his head. You turn and go back down the hallway to change, "very unoriginal prank Jungkookie, very unoriginal. Just you wait. I'll get you worse than that." Yeah, plastic wrap on the toilet seat when you really had to pee was very unfunny.

"Love you babe!" He calls after you, smiling to himself, and chuckles when he hears you shout back,

"Shuddup, Kookoo."

-

"Shut up, you're a liar!!"

"Jungkookie, please, just listen to me." Tears streamed down Jimin's face as he held his hands out to his best friend, completely helpless.

"Get out!" Jungkook's voice broke despite the volume he was using.

"I'm not gonna leave you." Jimin's voice trembled and he sat down on the couch inside their dorm.

Jungkook clenched his fists, trying not to lash out at Jimin. He just wanted to be left alone.

"Jungkook, you need to go to the funeral. It's the least you can do." Jimin speaks up again after a few minutes. Jungkook turned on him instantly, "the least I can do? The least I can do? Who the fuck do you think you are telling me what to do?!" Jimin flinched at the words Jungkook was shouting down at him.

"Do it for her."

"Shut up."

"She loved you Jungkook."

"Stop saying that."

"I won't, because it's true."

"IT'S NOT TRUE!" Jungkook hadn't meant to scream that loud, Yoongi ran into the living room from the back when he heard the shouting.

"What's going on?" Yoongi looked back and forth between the two boys, confusion that turned into sadness written all over his face when he saw Jungkook tearing up. Jimin was the one to speak up, "he won't go to her funeral next week. He says she didn't love him." Yoongi looked back at Jungkook and saw tears spilling down the boy's face. The thoughts running around in his head were going to swallow him up.

You were selfish. How could you leave him like that? He hated you. No he didn't. He couldn't hate you no matter how hard he tried. No, he hated himself for loving you.

"Jungkook, I think you should go. At least for some closure." Yoongi said quietly and cautiously. After a minute Jungkook finally nodded, he would go. If it meant it would help him forget you.

-

Whenever he had a bad day, your face would pop into his mind and he'd immediately text you, asking if he could come over. You would always reply right away, and he'd smile down at the words 'of course love, please come over.' So he would.

You would end up holding him in your arms, it didn't matter that he was bigger than you, your arms would wrap around as much of him as they could hold, gently rocking him back and forth. His tears hitting your chest and bringing tears to your own eyes, when he was in pain, so were you.

You'd sit there for as long as it took, a few times you two had been in that position all night long. Sometimes you would sing to him, his favorite songs, lyrics tumbling from your lips, voice cracking beautifully in his ears. His sobs would turn to shaky breaths as he listened to the imperfectly perfect sound of your voice. Your hand stroking his hair, letting him know that you were there, you'd always be there.

-

You lied to me.

Those are the only thoughts that pass through his head as he stands among all the people dressed in black. A picture of you smiling is sat on top of a closed casket, your eyes seemed to be looking straight into his.

Why did you lie?

Jungkook feels someone's arm touch his, he turns and sees your mother holding onto him. Her eyes are red and swollen from all the tears she's cried in the past week, and they don't seem to be stopping anytime soon. He turns and hugs her tightly, his throat closing up at her weeping. Once she collects herself she looks up at him, "thank you Jungkook," he looks at her in confusion, "what for?" His voice is barely above a whisper and he feels his throat closing up again at her next words, "for loving my beautiful daughter. You made her happy. I don't think we'll ever know why she did it, but you're the reason she was here for so long, I do know that. She wanted to marry you." A sob escapes Jungkook's throat, "I w-was going to ask her." Your mother cries harder and holds his arm tighter, "I know, I know sweetie, thank you Jungkook, she loved you so much. Thank you."

A little while into the funeral, Jungkook starts to feel himself panic; his breaths getting shorter and shallower. You weren't here to talk him out of this panic attack. You would never be here again. The other members are all sitting stone faced, their eyes are red and a few have tears welling up again. You're never going to make Yoongi laugh again, or make Jimin blush, or tease Namjoon for being clumsy, or compliment Jin on how handsome he is, you'd never dance with Hoseok again, and who would listen to Tae talk about the most random things, with a look of pure awe and interest in what he was wanting to say? Jungkook starts to hyperventilate and when people turn and look at him he rushes out of the room and into the hallway, trying to find someplace to be alone.

The hallway is dark and he sits on the floor a ways away from where the funeral is being held. That's when the tears come; flooding down his face instantly, and his sobs wrack his entire body, he can't get a deep enough breath in to calm himself down. So he sits there and sobs helplessly for a few minutes, each breath after the next getting caught in his throat.

"God," he finally chokes out after a while, "w-why did you take her away? There was so much we were going to do together. I never even got to say goodbye," then he clasps his hands and starts crying again, "I-I'll do anything, please just give her back to me. P-please let me have her back....God, please." Jungkook sits and cries for another few minutes, saying anything he can possibly think of that he would do to have you back. For you to be alive again. So many words he wanted to say and never would. He wanted to at least know if you were doing alright, up in the sky where he knew you were. He wanted you to be alive again.

But it was too late.

-

The fight you two were having had been going on for a while now, and frankly you were over it. You couldn't even remember why it started. But Jungkook was clearly still angry and wanted to get the last word, "maybe you should stop being so whiny and annoying Y/n, and then I'd listen to you!" That stung. You've fought before but you never called each other anything, your eyes start to water and you grab your bag, throwing it over your shoulder and heading for the door. Jungkook rolls his eyes, "where are you going now? Why do you think running away all the time is gonna solve everything?" He sounds exasperated and like he doesn't even want to keep fighting now.

You turn back to face him, "I'm getting some fresh air, thank you very much, and I don't see why you should care since I'm so annoying and whiny." You go to open the door and he stands up, coming over to you. You can see the regret at his words in his eyes, but you can't find it in you to get over it just yet. You needed a break. He puts a hand on the door to keep you from opening it, "Y/n, you know I didn't mean that." You scoff and reach for the door handle again before he grabs your hand, "then why did you say it, Jungkook?" He just looks down and stays silent, yeah that's what you thought. You yank your hand away and open the door, "fuck you Jungkook. Leave me alone."

A few hours later you had mostly calmed down and you were at home reading a book in bed, when your doorbell rings. You get up and walk over to it reluctantly, you already know who it is before you look through the peephole, but you do so anyway and see Jungkook standing there biting his lip, just like you knew he would be.

You open the door and he looks at you hopefully, so you open the door wider to let him in. He immediately wraps his arms around you in a tight hug and you can't help but to hug him back, you knew he was sorry and you were tired of being angry. You talk it out and he apologizes for everything he said, you apologise for the things you said too. Eventually you end up watching a movie and cuddling after talking through it all. He kisses the top of your head and you smile, grateful that you two could always work things out. You mess with the little silver ring on your finger, smiling and remembering how he won the matching pair for you both.

-

"Jungkook, maybe you should take a break." Jimin wipes the sweat off his forehead and walks to his bent over friend slowly, putting his hand on his back and rubbing it, "look, we have a while to learn it, please just rest Kook-" Jungkook jerks away roughly, "please don't call me that." His voice was different, heavier and without a lot of feeling, it had been like this for almost a year now. Jimin looks hurt but says nothing more. They all saw a difference in Jungkook since you passed away, they would hear him crying in his room every night, they wouldn't miss the tears that choked him during certain songs they performed. There was an emptiness around them all, and they weren't sure it would ever be filled again.

Tae walks over when he sees the scene unfolding, he looks at Jungkook and tries not to look upset for his best friend, knowing it would just make things worse, "alright guys, we're all going to take a ten minute break...Jungkook can we talk please?" Jungkook huffed but agreed, moving over to sit on the couch on the side of the dance room. The other members walked out of the room to give them some privacy.

"Look, Jungkook. I'm not going to try to say anything much, but I do want to say this. Y/n loved you, she was hurt and couldn't tell anyone. It isn't your fault, Jungkook. No one saw it coming."

"I should have."

"Don't say that."

"It's true though, what kind of boyfriend was I that I didn't even see the signs? That she felt like she had to hide it from me? I-it's all my fault." Jungkook's eyes start to water and his breathing starts to get quicker and shaky, a panic attack was coming on. Tae swallows his tears and reaches over to put a hand on Jungkook's leg, bringing him back. Tae swallows hard and trudges on,

"It wasn't your fault. But, I think you need to seriously think it all through, and then let go."

"I don't want to let go."

"Why not?"

"Because no matter how hard I try and say I want to, I don't want to forget about her."

"You don't have to forget about her Ko-...Jungkook...But I think she wants you to keep living without her now, she would be sad to see you like this."

"Then maybe she shouldn't have been so selfish and decide to leave me alone."

"You don't mean that." Tae can't keep his shaky tear stained voice under control and he turns away to wipe his eyes.

Of course he didn't mean it, but being angry seemed to make it hurt less. Maybe he should try, like Tae said, maybe he could try to keep you in his heart while continuing to live.

Like you would want, and he always wanted to make you happy.

-

"Hey, Y/n. What about this one?" Jungkook tugs you over to the huge ride, the kind that swoops around in a giant loop. Your stomach drops to your feet but he looks so excited; bouncing up and down with his big doe eyes shining brightly.

Well, at least you hadn't eaten anything yet. Maybe you could do it once before lunch and get it over with. He lets out a shout of excitement when you nod and then he pulls you over to the line of people waiting to get on the ride. As you wait for your turn you tap your foot anxiously, Jungkook notices and wraps his arms around your waist. You smile and he lays his chin on your shoulder, "love you baby~" you tsk and bring your hand up to pat his cheek gently, "love you too, I hope you know that since I'm doing this for you." He chuckles and holds you tighter.

After the ride, which wasn't as bad as you thought–having held Jungkook's hand tightly the entire time–you two find a table to get some lunch. You order and try to ignore Jungkook's teasing about how hard you held his hand and how he thought it would fall off. He keeps laughing as you roll your eyes playfully and avoid looking at him.

When the food comes, you both start to eat, then you notice a little girl and her older brother ordering some ice cream at one of the many food stalls in the fair, a few feet away. Jungkook turns to see what you're smiling at and smiles widely himself as he turns back to you. "I bet that's what our kids will do someday, Y/n...We should take them here, right?" You look at Jungkook happily and nod, you couldn't wait for that day to come.

Later that day, you and Jungkook stopped at the claw machines, Jungkook insisted on trying to get you a stuffed animal. After about ten tries he frustratedly walked away, you tried not to laugh at him walking away only for him to see another machine and say he actually wanted to get you that; which was a little egg with two silver rings in it. One for you and one for him, he said.

Miraculously he was able to get the little egg and he cheered loudly in triumph, reaching down to get it out of the machine and quickly telling you to put the smaller one on. It was cute, and Jungkook's matched.

Later you ended up getting the engraving, 'forever and always' on it.

-

Jungkook's eyes open slowly, the sun shining in through the window, signalling to him that it was time to get up now. He closes his eyes again and turns onto his side, pulling the covers up to his chin and taking a shaky breath. He tries his best to conjure up the dream he just woke up from, he didn't want to leave. Please come back. His eyes start to burn and tiny tears pour over his lashes when he blinks.

His alarm goes off a minute later but he just ignores it, the insistent beeping drowned out in his thoughts, he can't escape. When he opens his eyes again he sees you lying beside him. He blinks but you're still there.

"Hi Kookoo."

"Y/n?" His voice shakes uncontrollably as he tries to make sure he isn't dreaming.

Your eyes fill with tears and you nod, "yes Kookie, it's me."

"H-how...are you still alive? Y/n are you actually alive?" His voice starts to raise in hopes that maybe this had all been a nightmare. A horrible horrible nightmare. He starts to sit up on his arms but his face falls and his heart crumples when you shake your head, tears slipping out and rolling down your soft cheeks. Your face looks so soft and healthy, not at all what it looked like the last time he saw you.

"I'm sorry Kook, I'm so sorry." Your voice cracks and wavers as you start to cry. He reaches out and touches your wet cheeks, slowly rubbing the tears away and at the same time doing the one thing that he knew always calmed you down.

"Shhh, it's okay love. Don't cry please." He didn't care if this was a dream, you were here. His beautiful Y/n had finally come back to him. He wipes your tears gently, after he wipes them all away he keeps his hand on your cheek, softly rubbing with his thumb.

"Jungkook, I need to say something."

He looks at you and feels his tears returning, he nods and says slowly as if just realizing something, "that's why you're here isn't it? That's why you came back." You close your eyes and take a deep breath, then nod while you bite your lip, trying your very hardest not to throw yourself into his arms and cry.

"Y-yes, Kookie I need you to-"

"Don't."

"What?" You open your eyes again and see the desperation in his face as he seems to be having a battle with himself, "don't tell me, please. Y/n please don't leave me again." He starts to cry and your heart is torn to pieces, he reaches out to you and you push yourself into his arms.

Jungkook's mind is racing a mile a minute. You were in his arms, you were alive and in his arms. He hadn't felt your warmth for over a year and a half now. Jungkook buries his face into your hair and inhales deeply, memories flooding back into his mind. "Y/n, are you okay? Please tell me you're doing okay." He feels your tears wetting his t-shirt and he holds you tighter, listening carefully when you start talking again–voice muffled by his shoulder, "I'm alright Kookie I promise, but I miss you...I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize the effect it would have until it was too late." Jungkook's breath catches in his throat at your words. He leans back and brushes your damp hair out of your face, "how long do I have?" He whispers sadly, tears threatening to choke him once again.

-

The walk. The walk in between the cherry blossom trees all that time ago when he confessed, that's where you went.

You walk side by side, holding hands, eventually you stop and turn to Jungkook. He focuses on you even though all he wants to do is turn away and cry. You smile at him and squeeze his hand, "Jungkook," he blinks hard and nods in affirmation that he's listening. "Jungkook, I don't have a lot of time. But I need you to promise me something." He nods again and you continue, "w-when I leave, I'm not coming back," you ignore the tears streaming down your face, "I need you to promise me that when I let go of your hand, you won't look back." Jungkook takes in a shuddery breath, "I'm sorry Y/n, that I didn't see, I couldn't save you. I don't know if I ca-" you cut him off before he can finish. "You can, and none of it was your fault Kookie, it isn't your fault. If I could take back what I did," he shakes his head tears already slipping out again, but you continue, "I would take it all back. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I hurt you in the process. I ruined the future we were going to have one day." You're full on crying now as he cries next to you, his shoulders shaking, "and I want you to know how sorry I am." He pulls you into a hug and cries into your shoulder, his breath comes out in heavy gasps, "I forgive you Y/n, I forgive you, I love you so much." He keeps repeating those words while you hold each other for another minute, just crying. Tears of sadness and relief that he forgave you spill out of your eyes and you clutch onto him.

You two go to a ton of different spots that you had dates, stopping to get ice cream, to fulfill the promise you broke the day you died. Eventually you end up at the fair, standing in front of a claw machine that was full of random items, one of them being a small egg that contained two rings. You stare at the machine for a minute before turning to the young man that you loved. He was staring at you, one hand in his pocket fiddling with something, you look at him curiously and he looks down, pulling his hand out and opening it, to reveal a small ring with a chain around it, your ring.

"Jungkook, you still have that?" You refuse to cry again, but you see his eyes well up with tears. You hated that he cried so much nowadays, and hated more the fact that it was you who caused it.

"Of course, we made a promise Y/n, 'forever and always', remember?" You nod tearfully not caring about your stupid 'no crying' rule anymore, and he wipes your eyes gently.

"I'm scared Y/n, I don't want you to leave me again." His voice trembles and he doesn't try to stop the tears. You hug him tightly, letting your own tears escape for the last time, "I'll be with you Kookoo, forever and always. But I have to go know, please keep your promise?" He nods as he hugs you against him, then he pulls back and kisses you quickly before he starts to cry harder. Jungkook hugs you one last time, enveloping you in his big strong arms, the last time either of you would feel each other.

The regret and anger with yourself is overwhelming you, but Jungkook hugs it all away. In a tight warm promise that he's forgiven you and he will keep his last promise to you.

You both pull away and that's when you turn, giving his hand one last squeeze before you walk a few feet, "goodbye Jungkook," you whisper your last words to him, he swallows hard, "goodbye Y/n, I love you." With those words in your ears you walk away and disappear.

Jungkook lets out one last sob and puts the necklace with your ring on it around his neck. He got to say his goodbye. He would never forget you, he didn't want to. But, he forgave you and he would live on with your memory in him. He kept in his heart what he knew; that someday, he would see you again. When you meet in the clouds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n 2.0: I can't stop sobbing rn. Somebody help me. I'm so sorry for this, but I hope this shows you that there is always another way, but when it's over, it's over. You can't come back. More people than you know will miss you. The future is unknown. So please stay.

[kyidyl]

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because we just did carbon dating for the site I'm at now. It's $500/ test and we had to scrounge together the money. Archaology is so desperately underfunded and I wonder how much more we'd know about the past if it wasn't. Like I need you to understand that a lot of the "in not sure" in archaology comes from a lack of funding to do tests. Isotope analysis, carbon dating, genetic testing, materials testing, etc. Cost a lot of money and the only sites that ever get those tests performed are the really famous ones. Carbon dating is the cheapest and it only goes back - at most - 50k years. After that the carbon isotopes fully decay and we have to use other elements that don't decay as quickly and those tests are waaaaay more expensive.

Did you know that archeologists do important work when it comes to environmental reconstruction? And that knowledge of past environments is important to a bunch of other fields? Like its not just about digging up history, although most people seem to enjoy the fruits of those labors as well. My masters is in bioarchaeology. Things I learned to do in grad school: basic DNA testing, drone mapping, geometric morphometrics (electronic mapping of 3d objects.), environmental reconstruction, loooots of skeletal anatomy and pathologies (like at this point I probably know as much about human skeletal anatomy as a doctor bc that's what I've specialized in. Don't know much about the gooey bits tho.), how to reconstruct the sequence of events based on the soil and taphonomic damage to the remains...and tons more stuff that was definitely what would fall into the category of physical science. Do you know how much of it I get to use at my current dig? Almost none. Basically just the soil and taphonomic stuff. And the reason is partially that we don't have any human remains but mostly because I don't have the equipment to do any of the fancy shit I learned in grad school because we have no money. I don't even have any money to ask other archs for their expertise. Like we have TONS of animal bone and I am shit at species identification other than like deer and "a bird of some kind", but I do know a zooarch (someone who specifically studies the intersection of animals and people. So what they ate and what they domesticated. ). I dont have any money to ask her like "hey can you help me id these species?".

Idk man I just think a lot about how much more we'd know if archeology was properly funded.

Oh and re: the work that will be done there in prep for the tunnel. Yeah, they'll excavate it, and I'm sure those involved will do the best the can. But commercial archaeology is FAST archaeology. And you don't always get to excavate the whole site bc you have to do it under a deadline. So things are inevitably missed, left behind, or deprioritized bc that's the nature of the beast. Once you excavate something it can't be excavated again, so any information you're forced to leave behind or that you literally just don't have the technology to address (like back in the day they didn't have soil analysis and c14 testing so they just destroyed that stuff.) is then lost or destroyed. I'm glad commercial arch exists, but by nature it can't be as thorough as non-commercial arch. And let's not kid ourselves, govts can and do ignore the laws saying that they must excavate a site before building.

If you reblogged the Stonehenge petition read this

As an archaeology student who studied Stonehenge, I was horrified by the news that they wanted to build a tunnel anywhere near Stonehenge. So, of course, I posted the petition here. I was glad to see it get near 70k notes, but those notes laid bare another issue that is demonstrative of why archaeological sites are so undervalued. Many sites across the world struggle to get funded and excavation seasons are relegated to a tight schedule with a minimal team and resources.

The tunnel at Stonehenge should be infuriating because the government will pour over 1b into building this tunnel but have consistently denied funding to excavations. The tunnel will destroy approximately half a million artefacts that have not yet been studied. No thought is given to excavating first. Who knows what history this will be wiped from the archaeological record.

Stonehenge is NOT just the surface level stones. It cannot be moved, and no, it can’t be tunnelled under without harm for the sake of reducing noise pollution or lessening traffic.

Stonehenge is an archaeological LANDSCAPE. This means that below the surface of the earth, there lies everything from the foundations of pre-historic villages, evidence of ritual feasting, cremated human remains, proof of long distance travel, and thousands of years of history of use and building. It is all vital to our understanding of our ancient ancestors and gives us a glimpse into their lives and beliefs that precious few other sites have given us.

Protecting Stonehenge isn’t about protecting a few strange rocks, it is about protecting our history.