#i needed to rant because im fucking frustrated and tired

[dennisboobs]

im gonna let you guys in on a little secret.

the more macden shippers shit on other pairings, the more multishippers like me will move towards their secondary and/or tertiary pairings. if i can't go into the charden tag without seeing a post intentionally tagged with multiple ships and trying to spark discourse between them by saying people who ship "rarepairs" are stupid and delusional, first of all, that's an instant fucking block, but like. I'm not going to feel like talking about macdennis when it feels like there's such an obnoxious pressure on you to fall into line and accept the widely preached and accepted fanon canon.

I love macden too. and I would post about and enjoy it a lot more if y'all didn't make it feel like we had to pick a side. just because you prefer the big popular ship, that doesn't make you smarter, or more correct than anyone who ships charden or charmac, it just means you have different preferences. i think macden has the biggest chance of being an actual couple on the show, and obviously mac and dennis are both gay and queer respectively, but if i want to ship charden, why can't i do that too? fandom is supposed to be fun, and it's supposed to be enjoyable, i don't want to have to fight to prove that this ship that i personally see working and enjoy the dynamics of is a "valid ship" when i am fully aware that they're not going to be canon that's kind of the point, and why i prefer it. and for the love of god... if you hc a pairing as platonic, that is perfectly fine. that's how i see charmac myself, but that is your view and your problem, not the shippers'. just block the tag so you don't have to see it if it bothers you that much.

and i don't like several of the other common rarepairs, but have any of you ever seen me talking shit on charmac or chardee shippers? no. stay in your lane and let people live. i'm sick of seeing people acting superior over a fucking it's always sunny in philadelphia ship.

[sad-leon]

Forgor to clock out but already took melatonin so even if I wanted to make that 30-45 minute round trip, I couldnt ;-;

I know its not a big deal, but the anxiety doesnt know that

This why I liked swiping my badge, much harder to forget to clock out (though also much easier to forget to clock in)

[blessedshortcake]

i fucking. give up on this bullshit man

[idkwhatever580]

I’m sure you could pt. 1

Masterlist

Pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader

Prompt: y/n follows Natasha to Norway. What happens when they go out? (Loosely based off of black widow events)

Warnings: fights, mentions of cuts and injuries, no smut but almost, mentions of death. No actual death though.

A/N: I’m working really hard on this one but it’s taking a bit out of me. I decided to create two parts to it. Because I’m basically going with the black widow movie. But including r. So have fun. Tell me if you think I should add something to part two!

Y/n’s pov

“NATALIA ALIANOVNA ROMANOVA OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW!”

I am pounding on the door of the trailer and Natasha opens it with a gun in her hand and she quickly covers my mouth and pulls me inside.

“Shut the fuck up you’re gonna get me caught!”

I storm past her and say

“No you shut the fuck up! What were you thinking?!”

She sighs and says

“Detka please-”

“No! Don’t baby me! I am so pissed with you.”

“Please let me explain”

I huff and say

“Go on then. Explain to me why you left with no note not even a call! You could have been dead for all I know and I was just at home waiting for you!”

I start pacing back and forth in the little space there is.

“I know I’m not an avenger and I’m not all special like you are, but as your wife I deserve the decency to hear when you’re running away!”

“It wasn’t safe!”

I shake my head in frustration she keeps explaining

“It never is safe right nat?”

“They are after me. Everyone is after me right now. I felt horrible but I had to get rid of my everything because of it. I double crossed tony and the government.”

I let out a frustrated groan and she finally realizes how bad my breathing is. She knows it’s gonna be bad if I don’t calm down soon so she says

“Baby. I need you to breathe with me. In. And out. In. And out.”

I take a few more breaths and then I look back up at her

“I thought you were dead”

My eyes fill with tears and she says

“Oh dorogoy. Im so sorry.”

I start to sob and she wraps her arms around me and I grab onto her shirt as if she’s going to disappear if I let go. I start to rant into her chest.

“I thought I’d never see you again and you just were going to run off. You always do this Natalia I am always so scared. I wish you’d have come home and taken me with you.”

“You know it’s not that simple”

I nod my head and keep crying.

After a long while I finally am able to calm down and we get up and go to the bedroom to talk. Natasha starts with a question naturally

“How did you know where I was?”

I sigh and say

“This guy named mason broke into the compound somehow and told me after I almost shot him.”

She laughs and says

“He’s always been like that. Stupid”

I nod my head in agreement and Natasha asks another

“How did you get here? Do you think anybody followed you?”

I shake my head and say

“Mason made sure to get me here with nobody on my trail.”

I decide it’s my turn for a question

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

She shakes her head and says

“Clint threw me on the ground pretty hard but not bad. I think I got a few bruises but not much more”

I nod my head and say

“Let me see you”

She sighs knowing I need confirmation that she is not damaged too badly. I’ve always been like that.

So she stands up and takes off her shirt and does a slow 360 for me. Before she can turn back around I wrap my arms around her waist from behind and move her hair to the side so I can kiss her neck.

I trail my hands under her breasts and then move to the back and say

“Is this okay?”

She nods her head and whispers

“Yes”

I unhook her bra and let it slide down. I immediately start kneading her boobs softly making her let out some soft moans.

Her head rolls back and she turns around eventually to do the same for me. She kisses me softly and says

“Let me make you feel good”

I sigh and say

“Natty I don’t want to make you tired”

She chuckles and shakes her head

“You give me life baby. You could never make me tired.”

I raise my eyebrow and say

“I don’t know about that. I’m sure I could if I tried”

She smiles and kisses me tenderly

“I’m sure you could detka”

Before we actually get anywhere the generator goes out and everything turns off.

I groan and say

“Why now?”

She chuckles and says

“We don’t need lights”

I smile and say

“No. But I think we should figure it out before we fall asleep and then freeze.”

She sighs and says

“You’re right”

And as she is getting off of me I mumble

“As always”

Nat turns to me

“What was that?”

I look away innocently and say

“Nothing!”

She slaps my arm and throws on her bra and shirt again. We both go outside to investigate. Well. I investigate and she stands guard.

You can never be too safe.

Unfortunately the generator has run out of gas. So we need to go into town to fill up the little gas can we have.

We load up and go on our way. I smile at her from the passenger seat until we cross a bridge and a bomb goes off throwing us around.

I black out for a few minutes and once I am fully conscious again I look around and find nat next to me unharmed. But I look around for the perpetrator and see this person in a suit. It looks weird. But Natasha already is in action.

She unbuckles and falls making the car move. I finally realize that we’re hanging over the bridge. I shakily say

“Nat?”

She turns to me and says

“Get out and get as far away as possible through the backseat okay?”

“I’m not gonna leave you here with that maniac!”

“He’s here for me. Not you. Go!”

I know she’s telling the truth. It’d be no good if I’m hurt and she’d have to handle me too so I slip out the door and she starts shooting at him.

They start fighting and I see a brief case that looks like it has important vials in it. Honestly these things look like magic. So I grab them swiftly and sneak off.

I hide in some bushes and Natasha and the robot person fight more. From the looks of it they are copying her exact moves. Like they know exactly what she’s doing.

This is terrifying since she is never predictable.

Suddenly. They end up staring right at each other and as Natasha analyzes this things armor, it turns towards me. I know I’m hiding in a bush but I think it can see me.

She says

“You’re not here for me”

And she looks around for something. I widen my eyes and realize he’s here for the briefcase that I have in my hands.

Natasha knows it too so she runs at the armored person and they fight a bit more.

Natasha clearly knows what she’s doing so she yells

“Throw the case y/n!”

I don’t think and just listen to her so I throw it on the bridge and they fight to get to it. But Natasha gets there first.

They fight again and Natasha uses the persons shield that oddly looks like caps shield. But before she can win he kicks her off the bridge and I almost scream out but I remember they might come for me too so I stay silent as tears run down my face constantly.

They end up with the briefcase and I look and see that there is nothing in it. Clearly nat took it out before they kicked her off. But there’s no fucking point.

Once they leave and I see the way is clear I run down the side of the bank to the water. It’s a little steep and I slip making me fall a lot but I don’t even care. I don’t stop running.

I get to the water and start looking around.

Nobody’s pov

“My baby! No. No no no no. No no. You can’t be gone. Please Natasha nat please. I need you.”

Words start to roll out of y/n’s throat uncontrollably, but nobody can hear.

Y/n is on her knees at the river bank with cuts and scrapes all over them.

They look around and then start crawling to the water. Somehow their brain isn’t functioning properly and they just start looking for Natasha while repeating the same things over and over like a crazy person.

Until a gasp comes from the water and y/n looks up to see Natasha coming out on the other side.

She immediately scrambles up and says

“Nat?!”

They can’t hear her speak and they just lie down. Suddenly they pull some red glowing ball out of their jacket.

Y/n’s pov

That red shit is the stuff that was in Natasha’s briefcase! It’s her!

I almost yell her name when she gets up and starts looking around. I find my phone which somehow didn’t break in the crash or my fall and I turn the flashlight on and wave it at her.

I realize that if I yell at her it might alert that person again. I don’t want that.

She sees the light and knows it’s me. So I make my way over the hill and cross the burning bridge and climb back down much slower this time.

“Nat?”

“Y/n?”

We both sigh in relief when we recognize each other.

I run to nat and say

“Are you okay?!”

She nods her head still a bit winded from being under water

I tear up and say

“I swear to god if I ever find that person I’m gonna kill them.”

She shakes her head thinking and says

“You shouldn’t be here. You need to go home”

I look at her like she’s crazy and say

“And leave you for that thing?! No fuckjng way!”

I can tell she’s in black widow mode right now

“Y/n… you don’t know what we’re dealing with right now. I need you to go home. I need you to be safe”

I huff and say

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Why won’t you listen to me!”

“Because! I am only safe with you. If you send me home nobody can protect me as well as you can. You are the only one that can help me sleep at night. You are my safety.”

She sighs and shakes her head knowing it’s a losing battle.

Suddenly I look down into her hands and in one, she is holding the red stuff, but in the other, is a little paper.

“What is that?”

She looks up at me and says

“What is what”

I look her in the eyes to be a bit confrontational and say

“What’s in your hand?”

She holds up the red vials and says

“Uh- I actually don’t know. But I’m going to figure it out”

“No no. Not that hand. That hand”

I point to the other hand.

“What? Oh- nothing.”

“Cut the act Natasha. Tell me what is in your hand.”

She hesitates but hands it to me

“Who are these kids?”

“Me. And…”

My eyes widen and I say

“Yelena…”

She nods her head and I say

“She got out?!”

Nat shrugs her shoulders and says

“We can talk about this in a bit. We need to get somewhere safe. Where they can’t get to us”

I nod my head and we walk back to the trailer making sure nobody is on our trail.

We sit down and Natasha and I take a second to look at each other and take each other in.

Only now does she realize the cut I got on my forehead because of my fall.

“I’m so sorry”

I shrug and say

“Not your fault. I went too fast down the hill looking for you and fell”

She laughs a bit at my clumsiness.

“I’m glad someone’s getting a kick out of this”

She tends to my wounds and I tend to hers as she tells me everything.

“If you’re coming with me you have to understand the dangers of this. We’re dealing with the red room here”

I nod my head and say

“I might not know much but I at least train with you for hand to hand. And I can shoot.”

She nods her head and says

“I don’t know if Yelena is truly out. She could have just been on a mission.”

“On a mission where?”

“Budapest”

I smile and say

“You’re one of the only people I know who say Budapest correctly.”

She nods her head and continues

“I’m hoping she’s still there. If not I don’t know what I’ll do. But mason brought these to me from my hideout there. So she might be laying low if she actually escaped.”

I nod my head and kiss the last wound I just cleaned up for her. Now I move on to brushing and re-braiding her hair.

“Who was that robot person?”

“I don’t know. But from the looks of it, they’re from the red room. So it’s probably not a guy. The red room utilizes women and their weaknesses. That person has been training to fight me since they were a girl.”

I nod my head and say

“Why don’t they look like any other widows?”

“I’m not sure”

I keep braiding my hair and just say what pops into my head.

“Do you think this girl is special to the red room? Like. Maybe she’s dreykovs daughter”

She shakes her head.

“Impossible. She died when I bombed the both of them. I didn’t mean to get her, but I had to get him and that was my only time slot.”

I nod my head in understanding and say

“Okay.”

She stands up when I finish the braid and says

“We’re going to Budapest. Grab your things.”

I look around and say

“I don’t have any things. For some reason I just left.”

She sighs and grabs some extra clothes for me.

Before we leave she grabs my hands and says

“Before we go, I can’t in good conscience let you come with me without telling you the dangers of this. We could very likely both die”

I nod my head and say

“I know. But there’s no one I’d rather die with than you. I’m not worried though. I know you’ll keep me safe.”

She smiles and kisses me and says.

“I could always kick your ass and make you stay here”

I smile and use her words from earlier.

“I’m sure you could baby”

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A/N: I’m totally gonna make a part two don’t worry. You just might have to wait a little bit :)))

Part two

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish

[yunwangja]

undercurrents | signal 16

masterlist | next signal

it was eating you alive. you like kuroo. you want kuroo. so much that it hurts. you needed to see him, or you think you were going to die. and it frustrated you so much everytime he had a new excuse to tell you. you wanted to rip your hair out whenever you saw another cold message from him.

you knew that this wasn’t him. this wasn’t kuroo. you hated how you didn’t know what was going on inside his head. you couldn’t do anything about it. you couldn’t even ask. and once you did, he just dismissed it.

one night, you even ranted to tooru about how stupid he was being. why is he being like this? he would always make you tell him what was going on in your head, but why couldn’t he do the same to you now? weren’t you close enough? didn’t he trust you like you did with him? or maybe, did he hate you? but why? because of that one time you declined his offer to lunch? but why?

and the final blow was the date. that fucking date with that partner of his on that project he was so busy with. so all this time, while he kept rejecting to see you, and being cold, he was developing feelings for this person? is that why he was acting that way? because he didn’t want to talk to you anymore? was he even sad during that time? was he really going through something?

or was he really not fine and that person helped him through it? that’s why they went on a date? but you could’ve done the same for him. but he didn’t let you. did it happen after you were too busy to hang out that one time? so does this mean he does hate you? does he like that person? what’s going to happen after that date?

you sit on your bed, osamu's text still on the screen. you don't need to read it again. you know what he said, and deep down, you know he's right.

you're too tired, too worn out from overthinking to keep holding yourself back.

"fuck it," you mutter under your breath, grabbing your phone with shaky hands. you can't keep doing this to yourself, wondering and worrying about what might have been. if you're going to get hurt, so be it.

you dial kuroo's number, not even sure what you're going to say. all you know is that you need to hear his voice, to see if there's anything left to salvage. the phone rings, your heart pounding in time with each tone.

"hello?"

a soft, unfamiliar voice greets you. your stomach drops. you blink, caught off guard. the voice is calm, too calm. you swallow hard, pushing down the rising wave of emotion.

"um, hi. can i ask who this is?" you ask, your voice flat, devoid of the energy you had moments ago.

"oh, sorry," she replies,

"i’m alisa. i was kuroo’s partner for his project."

notes

:)

:D

hehe im kinda excited ngl

btw ! undercurrents will be ending next week (like we're on the last two signals now! AHHHH)

anyway : D

taglist: @lvtilzs @rarararararq @iamfontenlos @kurooswifeyy @secretsunsetsociety @kagsnumnine @yumiecheesecrackers @tojirin @jaynawayna @noxva08 @zahrawr-writes-fanfics @mawenskiblue @smellysluna @cccccccccccleo @winniethepooh-lover @akirqx @cupidsblonde @kukkurookkoo@emotiandon @urslytherin

[your-local-granny]

okay sorry i need to do a whinge-y rant bear w me for a minute or scroll or whatever. it is so frustrating to have been in a fandom actively for over ten years and see toxic fandom culture drive out amazing creatives from the fandom for their interests not aligning with the "fandom norm"

I love headcanons and I love fandom!! It's a space that invites thinking that wouldn't be accepted or respected by most casual viewers and it creates a space for people to express themselves through their interests!! Most of my closest friends I made in part through our shared interests in media/ fandom (including my girlfriend of 8 years!!!!) and I wouldn't trade that for anything!!

But it's always hard to be reminded of the insidious mob-mentality that fandom culture curates and god. its so sad gang!!! I really wish people would give up this fucking purity culture bullshit that came out of the 2016 stev//en universe/vo//ltron insanity!!!!

People liking things actually tells you fuck all about a person!! Stop sending hate mail/ making vague posts about subsets of your own fandom!!! It's okay if something makes you uncomfortable but you are the police of your own corner of the internet!! Tag block and block people but stop chasing people out of fandom entirely just because your interests don't align!!! i'm so sick and tired :(

Anyways I really wish I had more people to talk about [REDACTED] but every time I've gotten close to mentioning it I always get hate comments/ asks about it and it's really sad :(( I wish I made more art/ fic for AA but it feels like no one else cares about the parts of it I like and I've seen people leave the fandom because people were so agro about liking certain things :((

okay thats it im sorry peace and love <3

[spectrum-core]

STEPHCLAIR IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

Alternative title: a very angry (and tired) Full Stop fan's thesis.

ok, so me being the stephan/sinclair comparison's strongest hater is a bit i really like to lean into, but for the sake of keeping things semi-serious i will try to keep the actual essay content as free of me ranting my frustrations as humanly possible (which i mean commitement to the bit aside this will be hard bc it is frustrating to see people calling them both the same character, at best it shows a very surface level understanding of either character and at worst it shows just reducing them to cookie cutter meme fandom archetypes neither character actually fits into, so bear with me if i slip up and make unserious comments from time to time)

so before i start the actual essay let me say this: this essay doesnt even scratch the surface of how much i hate this comparison you guys cant even possibly fucking imagine ive been obssessed and i mean OBSSESSED with the full stop office since 2021 and im glad i wasnt in the limbus prerelease fanbase because if i had to see people comparing my beautiful boy and beloved best friend to a guy we had no info about other than "hes based of the guy from demian" i would have turned into the joker this is not even about saving my own mental health this is about sparing the entire pjm fandom of the monster i would have turned into

spoilers for ruina and limbus, universe terminology heavy and surface level references and interpretations of demian by herman hesse because imma keep it real with you guys the first and only time i read that book i was still in high school and i barely remember shit.

Table of contents:

Stephan - a summary

Sinclair - a summary 2.1. Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919) 2.2. Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

Addressing common arguments

1.- Stephan - a summary

And of course I will start with Stephan, because I love him very much, just like Liwei he's one of my favorite pjm characters (yeah i like him more than your favorite popular character don't ask) so it's not surprising that i have A Lot to say about him, right?

And of course, I do.

As I said in the serrated duo post, a core part of my perception of the Full Stop office depends on the fact that they are poor. Mentions of money are common all across many factions in the game, yes, but the Full Stops are extremely constant about money, how taking a wrong turn means losing more than they can afford, how they can't afford to drop their weapons because they were too expensive, how even getting the permissions to be able to buy and wield these weapons was ridiculously expensive and so on. Of course, Stephan is the one talking about this the most (something I will elaborate on later), but Liwei and Tamaki also make a few ocassional mentions to it in their dialogue and keypages and considering this is a shared business it just makes sense that this is something that affects all of them.

These are just some few of the callbacks to money that Stephan alone does in his dialogue, without focusing in keypage text or what Liwei and Tamaki have to say about it.

And idk man, at least to me the difference between social classes is an important aspect for their characterization, specially because of how constant the concern with money is for Stephan. From this point alone comparing them feels like erasing a core aspect of Stephan's characterization, a lot about Stephan (and the Full Stop office as a whole, let's be real here) starts making more sense once you read the office as lower-middle class (and I'm saying lower middle class because they can afford some place to live and their weapons, but to me these guys are the types who precisely because of their need to keep bullets at all times can't pay for water or electricity all the time and sometimes they simply can't afford food or if they do they can spend a week straight eating nothing but unsalted pasta).

Now, going back to Stephan being the most outward about his complaints with money, he is in general the most outward about all problems the office is facing, to the point in which he doesn't mind inconveniencing everyone else with his rants, being one of the few guests who interrupt Angela's introductory speech and getting into Tamaki's nerves (something he's well aware he's doing, as these two know each other) at least two times through the course of their pre-battle cutscene, even Roland comments after the reception on how he wishes he would always have been as open about his problems as Stephan was.

However, it's worth nothing that he doesn't spend the entire cutscene crying about his miseries, and he only starts losing hope at three key moments: when they can't kill Eileen inmediately (making them waste more bullets than needed), when Argalia shows up (forcing them to retreat and making them fail their mission, meaning they won't get paid for this after they already lost a ton of money, as well as turning the situation into something much more dangerous than what they had signed up for) and once they enter the Library (an Urban Plague grade threat they have little to no information about, when him and Tamaki are almost out of bullets so Liwei is essentially the only fixer with some chance of putting up a fight and, you know, making it out alive).

Now, while it's true that Stephan is someone who dislikes danger, he isn't someone who isn't used to seeing gruesome events, his instinctive reaction to seeing a guy getting his head put into a meat grinder was cracking jokes and calling the concept of thought gears "a load of horseshit", which is something that falls in line with him being a somewhat experienced Fixer (sure, grade 5 isn't amazing but we can assume it's still either in the higher side of average or barely above average, and for someone specialized in firearms, which are far from the best weapon in the city, getting that high means he must have some experience and skill, right? more so considering he's been at this for 5 years at most) who has seen a fair share of horrid shit and can be unfazed by (most of) it as long as his own safety isn't on the line.

Another point is... he dislikes danger and is always wary about money and expenses, to the point in which he enjoys checking his bank account (or at least he believes so, if we go for the theory of the artbook profiles being more a mix of what the characters perceive themseves as/would describe themselves as to others, which is a theory i go by, I see him as someone who's convinced he does that for fun instead as out of desperation), but this seems to be more a generalized feeling of impending doom at everything rather than something that can be traced back to a particular traumatic event (anything can be dangerous, anything can cost him money), dude's from the backstreets after all, he's seen shit and he's used to assuming the worst. How I see Stephan, he's a guy who already expects bad things to happen but once things go wrong he starts freaking out about how this time They're Screwed For Real, but he never really tricks himself into believing "maybe things will turn out just fine this time?" or who thinks "well, we've done this before, surely we can handle it again."

This is not very related to Stephan as a character in terms of personality but I think it's still an important point to make as it is particularly related to body mods, his physical condition and his body shape.

So we can easily say that Stephan is a strong dude, at least if compared to real world standards without the fancy and insane body mods we see people in the city have access to. He carries that huge rifle around with his bare hands, something that Tamaki doesn't do and that not even Stephan himself in earlier iterations of his dessign did, and his main talent (which based of my theories is something that can be assumed as "something he's proud enough of to consider it the thing he does best") is physical labor.

Pictured, Tamaki's talksprite, carrying a rifle almost as long as she is tall with a strap supporting the weight on her shoulders, like a normal person.

Also pictured, an earlier iteration of Stephan's dessign, carrying the same rifle his current version does, but also holding it with the help of a similar strap supporting the weight on his shoulders.

And finally, Stephan's current dessign, holding that shit with his bare fucking hands in an exhibition of his brute animal strength, what the fuck is wrong with this man (affectionate)

And Stephan's artbook profile, the important part here is his speciality being physical labor, not only he's strong but he aknowledges this.

However, I made a point about the Full Stop office being poor, right? Even Roland says that "giving a whole office augmentation procedures is cheaper than keeping a decent supply of bullets in stock" (not the exact phrasing).

At least personally, I see this as Roland essentially saying "it would be cheaper (and more efficient) to get body mods for everyone in the office and buy another (cheaper) type of weaponry instead", but as things stand, the Full Stops can afford to either buy more ammunition and maintain their weapons, OR to get body mods, and since their whole deal is firearms... well, they can't really Stop investing in them, meaning they have no body mods At All and they got their grades purely out of their own physical strength.

Similarly, Stephan makes a similar point about how body augmentations are required for people to be able to run while carrying their weapons around (specifically talking about the rifles he and Tamaki use).

And... you know, the whole point is that they couldn't run carrying their weapons because they were too heavy, Argalia mocked them for that, Liwei urged them to drop their weapons, something they refused to do because of the prices.

Lastly on this point, while it's true that Ruina talksprites have a very bad case of Long Anime Legs (to the point in which how Roland's legs take about 2/3 of his height is a common joke), if we focus only on his head and torso, Stephan looks pretty Wide, and not only because he's wearing thick, fluffy and multilayered clothing, as other characters wearing similar clothing styles still look thinner than him.

This is all to say: I don't think this guy is a twink, or thin at all. He's a prime example of the strongman build to me and this is yet another hill I'm willing to die on watch project moon turn him into a beanpole once he inevitably shows up in limbus and me turning into the first real world distortion as a consequence.

Finally, Stephan is very notoriously the most informal member of the office, not only being the only one who doesn't wear any sort of formal clothing fully prioritizing comfort and practicality over looks but also completely disregarding formalities with his attitude at work (again, he interrupts Angela's introductory monologue, and again, his first two lines when being introduced are him cracking jokes), being the only member of the office to swear on screen and using several informal expressions and metaphors through both the reception dialogue and his keypage story.

And for good measure, he's a compilation of Stephan being the creature he is.

The literal introduction of the characters, also known as the moment in which Stephan became one of my favorite characters because he's Just Like Me Fr

Very normal behavior for someone who hates blood and violence and isn't used to seeing it. This man is more than capable (and willing, assuming money is involved) to murder kill.

Which, I mean, this attitude is very different from what we see from Sinclair.

2.- Sinclair, a summary

In retrospect I probably should have made this one first because I'm gonna be honest with you, Sinclair is one of the sinners I care about the least (I still like him and think he's pretty cool mind you I just don't vibe too much with most of the tropes making up the character) so what I have to say about him is less me grasping for straws and subtext because I don't care enough about him to be bothered with a super serious and in depth analysis like I did with Stephan and more things we can explicitly see about him in game and things that happen in the novel Demian.

And if I can have a small parenthesis here, people saying that one of my favorite pjm guys Ever is in any way similar to a guy who despite being pretty cool is just Not the type of character I fully vibe with... really, it gets annoying fast. Anyway back to the serious analysis now.

2.1- Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919)

To be able to understand Sinclair as he is depicted in Limbus Company, it is important to first be familiar with the source material of the original iteration of the character, that's it we're doing your high school homework by compiling several literary analysis of a symbolic psychological early 20th century autobiographical novel i hope you guys signed up for this (and if you didn't, though luck! i will do this anyway, I love literary analysis).

In the novel, young Emil finds himself torn between the worlds of light (which can be equated to the Garden of Eden, but it's more tangible meaning for our protagonist is his childhood home and family, a serene and well structure/organized space where he can be innocent, untainted by the evils of the outside world) and darkness (basically all the scary shit that goes on outside, where people do evil things for the sake of it), he finds himself tempted by the violence of the outside world, particularly through the actions of his classmate Franz Kromer, which eventually leads him to consider that due to being exposed to this tainted world of evil he no longer can return to the world of good and innocence.

Here, the character of Demian acts as a guide, someone who helps Sinclair to trascend this binary perception of good vs evil and to see himself as someone worthy of happiness because him witnessing the world of evil didn't taint him as a person but rather merely showed him another face of the world, Demian here mentions the Mark of Cain as a symbol of mental strenght and freedom, considering that bearers of this mark are capable of making their own choices and should be able to go beyond their assigned roles, being able to embody aspects of both worlds. This is to say that Demian's view is less focused on good vs evil, instead taking a more order vs chaos approach (without giving an explicit moral character to either).

In the book, the symbol of a bird breaking out of the egg is frequently used to represent Emil's personal growth, the egg represents safety and innocence, but a bird must eventually leave the egg or it will die, and getting out of the egg is a process than can be seen as violent, as a bird must fight to get out of the egg, and getting out of the egg represents birth but also an irreversible change, it can be seen as breaking out of the world of light and getting permanently in the world of darkness since a broken shell can't be fixed, but it can also mean achieving the enlightment and personal balance to not feel permanently bound to a condition, place or state of being and therefore growing as a person by learning to see himself as a whole human instead of supressing his "evil side" by only forcing the "good side" to surface.

Max Demian is here to show this second meaning of growth/self improvement (while also explaining that Sinclair is permamently growing and must always keep this balance between all the parts conforming the whole being that is himself rather that trying to make parts of himself antagonize each other). This idea of personal growth being one of the core themes of the book.

2.2- Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

With Sinclair's source media analyzed (at a very surface level, mind you), we now can start talking about the depiction of Sinclair in Limbus Company, how it parallels the book, why the book symbolism is important for this instance of Sinclair and so on.

When we are first introduced to Sinclair in the game he's clearly nervous, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do as he hasn't worked for a similar company before and he isn't used to the gruesome sight of the bus eating people, this does fit inmediately in the motif of a naive person with limited experience about the world (well, to be fair to him most people won't be seeing man-eating buses at a regular basis, but the average backstreets dweller would be familiar with equally violent situations).

With this said, despite Sinclair's obviously nervous behavior... he isn't really a pessimist like Stephan was, in fact, almost every chapter (counting cantos, intervallos and the short mini chapters such as the Dante's notes update episode) have at least one key moment with him trying to rationalize horrible stuff as something much less violent, or simply going "but I thought this thing didn't work like this..." when confronted with the more horrible realities in the city. He thought the G corp veterans were really going to let them pass without a fight, he thought the people being controlled by headhens were just actors wearing mascot costumes, he thought mermaids were the beautiful half-woman half-fish creatures he heard about in fairy tales, and there's more examples but I don't really feel like looking for The Entire Fucking Plot Because This Guy Is An Actual Protagonist Instead Of A Background Guy Like Stephan Was to make my point clearer than it already is. And it's only when he realizes that the real world doesn't fit his expectations that he panics.

Well, there is one exception to this pattern: his own canto. Here, he panics inmediately as soon as K corp's nest is mentioned and spends the first half of the chapter pleading to turn back while saying that they are going to get killed. So what is different here with the rest of the plot?

Obviously, the fact that is related to his very own very personal very specific trauma. That is to say, unlike Stephan who is wary of anything that can put him on danger or cost him more money than it should, Sinclair has a very specific traumatic event that makes him act Like That (sure, he gets scared and nervous outside that, but these are more normal "I'm unfamiliar with this and I don't fully know how to react, this is normal behavior in a human being" reactions than outright "I am Actually Terrified due to being reminded of an actual traumatic event, this reaction is a textbook definition of post-traumatic stress disorder").

HOWEVER, Sinclair being someone who's deeply traumatized and kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to violence and unfamiliar situations... it doesn't mean that he's incompetent or a bad fighter. Almost all of his identities are terrifyingly good fighters (at least in their lore), Los Mariachis fear jefe Sinclair, Cinq director Sinclair is someone most association members are terrified to duel even during training, Blade Lineage Sinclair is considered a talented killer (it's also worth noting that save maybe for the mariachi one, in none of these mirror worlds Sinclair is precisely happy of being recognized as "the guy who's very scary when he fights people", unlike Stephan who I don't think he particularly likes killing but has a more "as long as I get paid..." mentality about it), the only "not very good at this" Sinclair id I can think of is the molar boatworks id where he's more a mechanic than a fighter so he fears he's lagging behind in that aspect. Hell, even the Canon Timeline so to speak (which is to say: his base identity) has him carrying that huge halberd, going on a frenzy attacking some already mutilated inquisitor's corpse, piercing through Guido's armor and dealing a fatal blow that finally killed him for real. To compare, Stephan is good at physical work, but we don't know about his close combat capacities other than the fact that he dislikes it, for Sinclair however we know he's terrifyingly good at physical combat.

Now, I've seen a lot of people call Sinclair a twink and while it's one of these words that nobody agrees on what it means, let's give it the benefit of doubt and say "alright, for the duration of this analysis let's settle on a twink being a young looking (regardless of actual age), thin man with almost no facial/body hair".

Since Sinclair is a rich guy (not just Any Rich Guy though, we're talking of someone whose family had ties to a Wing, probably not some elite guy like Daniel or Hong Lu, but not a self perceived "mediocre" nest dweller like Samjo either), and pressumably not very experienced in combat in most mirror worlds (we know he has no prior experience in the base one where he joined Limbus, at least), let's say that he has enough body mods for him to be much stronger than he looks like despite being thin, he does look thin and young and much to my dissapointment he also has no facial hair, so yeah, under this very broad definition of the term he is a twink.

However if you start adding personality archetypes to the definition he stops being one almost inmediately, as we've been shown time after time that his "submissive" attitude is mostly a result of him not knowing too well how to impose himself and just going along with what the rest say or do, but he's starting to grow tired of that ever since Hell's Chicken (even if he clearly still isn't great at that), as it should be more than obvious for anyone who even just googled "demian herman hesse literary analysis", Sinclair is undergoing a lot of changes even now, and the game is doing a good job at portraying that.

Honestly I also think he'd be hotter with a sleeper build but really, I don't care enough about him to argue about that.

And for the last point, precisely due to his upbringing as a rich guy AND his traumatic experience with Kromer, Sinclair is not only a very polite and mild mannered guy (again, unlike resident creature Stephan), but also he tries to take as little space as possible, both literally and metaphorically, as Dante notices near the end of canto 3 when they finally comment on how Sinclair never talks about his own problems until it's too late because he doesn't want to bother the others as they probably have it worse (again, unlike Stephan "i don't mind loweing team morale and making everyone in the room uncomfortable as long as i get to vent" Full Stop office).

3.- Adressing common arguments

Alright, now that I talked about each character, let's see some of the most common arguments I've seen people use to compare them.

"They look the same!" No, they don't. The only thing they have in common is being blonde but even their hairstyles are different with Sinclair having a simple bowl-ish cut with slightly wavy hair and Stephan having curlier hair (not to mention the whole point I made about body types because I'm the sort of lunatic who cares about that stuff). I won't even bother with this argument.

"They have the same personalities!" Again, they don't. Stephan is very cynical with a lot of his attitude being clearly derivated from him coming from a poor background and having stayed there his whole life, he also doesn't care about his cynism getting in the way and bothering everyone else. On the other hand, Sinclair is someone who could almost be described as naive due to having lived a sheltered childhood and only having his experiences with Kromer and his time at Limbus as moments of realizing that the rest of the world is Not Like His Childhood House, still believing that the world is a binary of good vs evil and expecting things to turn out fine or be much better than they actually are, just to be hit with the reality of the city Not being a nice place where people are nice and polite and not trying to kill him, this is not to say he doesn't have his own issues but even Dante notices during his Canto that Sinclair makes a point to avoid bothering everyone else with his personal problems, keeping them to himself even if that makes things worse on the long run.

"Both are opposed and harmed by a lunatic!" This is an argument I've seen a lot and is incredibly filmsy at best, half of the city's population are lunatics and the other half are people who got opposed by them some way or another. Will you say that Ishmael and the rest of the Pequod crew can be compared to the Full Stop office (or really, even mention the other Full Stop fixers instead of just focusing on Stephan because he happens to be blonde and can be compared to Sinclair) because of their situations with Ahab? Or the W Corp crew who got their train targetted by Jae-heon and Elena (or, you know, the train passengers who were turned into Love townspeople or puppets)? What about the Vermillion Cross who got killed by the Reverb Ensemble? Or the Cane office fixers? or the Zwei association section 6 who got beaten to death by Gyeong-mi just because he felt like doing so? Or the Liu association section 1 who had to deal with Argalia taking Philip away? Or the Kurokumo clan members when they were attacked by Tanya? You aren't comparing them to either Stephan or Sinclair, right? Not to mention that in her weird and fucked up perception of things, Kromer was less opposed to Sinclair as she was trying to lead him to join her and her cause, even the last things she says before getting killed are her calling him to follow her.

"Both are compared to birds!" Oh, right, because I forgot that a very directed symbolic comparison to a baby bird breaking out of it's shell as a symbol of rebirth, learning about the nuances of the world and self improvement/liberation that is consistently used in the source material Sinclair comes from is exactly the same as one (1) throwaway line the big bad guy uses to mock not only Stephan but the whole Full Stop gang, right. And if you want to say "but Tamaki compares him to a bird once too", yeah she calls him a parrot because he keeps repeating the same complaints over and over, it's still not the same as a consistent metaphor.

"Both are sad blonde twinks! They're essentially the same guy." Sad? Yeah, everyone in the city is sad but their ways to be sad are polar opposites, and neither of them is the pure cinnamon roll uwu crybaby archetype people tend to lump both into, Stephan was merely having a bad day and people decided to make that his whole personality (when honestly we get more insight on his actual personality before Argalia shows up, when he's making sarcastic remarks and getting impatient because they weren't starting killing people fast enough) but he's still perfectly capable (and willing) to murder people, and Sinclair is just... someone who lacks experience about the real world and how it works and has a tendency to get nervous because of this, but he can adapt quickly to situations once he understands them. Blonde? Yeah, but I guess if that's a point to draw a comparison then we should also compare them to Don Quixote, the Tiphereths, Lenny, Yun, Lulu, Olga, every single npc, librarian, and agent who comes with blonde hair from the generator... Twinks? Stephan absolutely isn't one, Sinclair depends on how you define twink as nobody seems to get to an agreement with that, if you define it as merely "young looking thin man with almost no visible body hair" then yeah he is one, but if you go for any more specific definition than that he stops fitting into the definition almost instantly.

In conclusion: if I see anyone else comparing them I'll start blocking people liberally bc I'm sick of seeing that shit (I do that already tbh but just so you know), now scram

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

This is a little bit of a vent, so i understand if you dont respond, but i wanted somewhere to talk about frustrated i get sometimes as a sex repulsed ace.

Sometimes my friends will be reminded that i really really do not want to interact with sex. I am uncomfortable with the idea of having sex. Sometimes, i avoid really sexual stuff. However my friends will take that and assume they need to "protect" me. This means any sort of reference to sex *at all* will be hidden from me. Ive been taken out of group chats out of nowhere, there will be a vibe of "oh dont talk about this, the child is present" (im older then most of them.) Theyll be laughing at a joke and will want to hide it from me, but when i get them to show me itll just be like, a weirdly shaped dildo or something.

Im tired of people trying to coddle and protect me just because i dont like sex personally. Like yes, overtly sexual stuff makes me uncomfortable, but like, someone making a dick joke isnt sexual, a funny story where sex is involved isnt sexual, it feels like every time i bring up im sex repulsed i get infantalized, and im really fucking sick of it.

Again, sorry if you dont want rants/vents in your inbox, i just wanna get this off my chest.

No worries, vents are good. I even have a tag for it. And yeah, I feel you, Anon. There's a world of difference between respecting a boundary, and infatalizing. Definitely frustrating.

[that-starry-freak]

The show villainzing Nexus and trying to make us feel bad for Old Moon is really rubbing me the wrong way- eccpecialy because I've seen so many people actually feeling bad for him

Im not even going to watch the episodes. I dont care. Moon can rot. I dont like him as a person, and I can't even really enjoy his character because how much I see people saying he's done nothing wrong, isn't as bad as Nexus, and/or "well he's trying". It just- augh

I fucking hate Old Moon. If you like him, cool, thats great. Good for you

I just- i like my aus of him, he can be nice and I love his sass. But I just can't with him anymore. Hes such a fucking hypocrite too, Mr "You don't deserve how Eclispe treats you Ash, even though I do the same thing to him" go fuck yourself Moon. Yes, you're doing better, but I just can't anymore

If you can't tell I'm tired. Like- physically rn. And I'm frustrated and ranting

Yknkw what? I think Sol is fucking right. Fuck it, I'm on his side, Moons just fucking suck. Yes, even Ash. He's an excpetion for the most part, and he is amazing but not perfect and thats how people are. But I cant stand how he listened to Eclipse opening himself up and talking about his trauma and being so vulnerable, and retorted back with basically "I dont give a shit if you've been through so much i couldn't even imagine, I want an apology because you hurt my feelings" because yeah while its true I don't give ONE FUCK because that's is the worst fucking time for him to say that

Go fuck yourself Ash. God i can't even- i need to calm down Im just so pissed off. Moons in this how are passing me off. Old moon. Ash. Nexus. I fucking hate all of them even though I like the concept. Yes, I said it, I hate Nexus, but only because of thsi fucking arc. "I'm evil now" oh fuck off you're a young ass edgy ai who needs therapy, go calm the fuck down and come back to this later we've all fucking been there. I've been there, ive been convinced I'm the scum of the earth and evil. Guess what? I wasn't. Like God damn i-

Chat i can't even

I cant even with this show. I cant even with this fandom. And the only way I'm still here are the good episodes, the aus, and the people I surround myself with. So thank you Zee. Thank you Alex and Chills and Polaris. You guys make this show actually worth it

Now excuse me as I get ready for bed

And of course, cause I know this probably will piss people off, well have a good old disclaimer

This is just my opinion. It is not for debate, I'm just venting. I am frustrated. I mean no ill intent to anyone but fiction characters. im just ranting

[meowzilla93]

this is a rant, vent, jumble of words im feeling and need to get it out of my system because im a little done

please scroll along if you dont wanna read, or dont, i dont control you

it never ceases to amaze me just how cruel people in fandoms can be. cruel, mean, hyprocritical, straight up dumb.

dont get me wrong, these people are a minority. i have found myself amongst the best sort of people in fandoms i am a part of and couldnt be happier for the friendships i have made from them.

but this incredibly loud minority piss me off to no end. i stay away from any sort of discourse, silently watching from the background and watch thing blow up over trivial matters, and then learn who to avoid in those circles and move on with my life

but when i see, what i consider to be blatant bullying, to someone i hold dear, i dont want to be quiet anymore. im not a loud figure, im a tiny blog that loves to simp over 2d characters, a tiny stream channel that i interact with like minded people. and i mean i am TINY, im barely a blip on this wide web. so anything i say, it doesnt go anywhere, so still, i stay silent until i cant anymore.

so lets get to the crux of the matter.

if you dont like a character, you dont get to make others feel bad about liking them. i dont care if you think they are problematic, if you dont like their story, their look, or simply the fact that they exist

you dont get to make someone feel bad for finding a connection with them and loving them

you dont get to attack them about liking the character, passively or aggressively, you dont get to make fun of them and any of the work they do around them. you have no right to take it upon yourself and make someone feel like they dont belong just because they like a character that you dont

if you dont like the character, dont fucking interact, its that bloody simple. scroll away. mute the tag, mute the channel, whatever. just walk away

interacting with someones content for the pure purpose to make fun of it is cruel. you are making it public that you want to demean the person for what they enjoy. and the worst thing is, if you catch the attention of the younger audience, they learn that they get to act that way, and this kind of online activity only gets worse

it already has gotten worse. man, im a millenial and i thought keyboard warriors when i was in highschool and older where bad. these days the younger generation feel justified to think that they can say whatever they want and suffer no consequences of those actions. i see it in so many fandom discourses. its horrible

but they learn from the worst of us on the internet. the more they see the cruel interactions, the more they think its okay to act that way. and without a doubt, fandoms will end up being incredibly toxic environments that people wont feel comfortable to exist in anymore.

every fandom has a toxic space, its unfortunate but it is true. i wish it wasnt

and the smaller the fandom, the louder this toxic group is

it just fucking sucks. and watching people i care about be treated so badly hurts because all i can do is be their support. an ear, a shoulder, just someone they can vent to. but it doesnt stop the fact that they got hurt and i cant do anything about it

god i dont even know what this even turned into. im tired, im upset, im just so frustrated.

why cant people just be nice?

if you managed to read all the way down here, man i applaud you. that was a great mess of thoughts, i still have many more but at this point i feel like i would be repeating myself

please, just. be kind guys. its not that hard, i swear it

to all my moots, honestly, i love you guys. seeing all your work and love you put into your creations gives me life and brightens my day. dont ever stop loving your craft and your fav characters just because someone decided to be a prick.

[kpopscruggles]

its 🏳️‍🌈 anon here im on vacation so im gonna tell this pent up frustration cause i cant jerk off huhu (gonna make it gay and i cant write so sorry)

a. part time gym trainer college student sungchan surprised that his classmate/crush walk into his gym and having to touch his crush because hes in love with a twink that has never hold a weight before. it ends with a drink or dare where his crush dared sungchan to do push ups and every push up he tries to say his crush's name and after he did it 20 times sungchan dares his crush to do crunches while moaning his name for 20 times

"come on yn u could do more than 5" sungchan said holding your legs while you are laying down obviously red and sweating. sungchan tried his best not to fuck you right then and there.

seeing you struggle do your 6th crunch made sungchan go feral "sungc-" sungchan kisses you passionately

"god i love your voice. but i love shutting you up more"

b. school heartbreaker heeseung (idk if u like enha much but hesjdjjf) always winning his football fuck list competition where they pick a name from a fish bowl and get them to fuck then before finals. with a team full of visuals its not hard but it turned into a challenge when the team decided to prank heeseung's last time playing the game as a senior.

"dude wtf why did you wrote y/n. hes a man!" hee protested

"oh come on dude its obvious how much you wanna fuck this man" jake replied

"DUDE EWW? im not gay + hes a really nice person hes cute hes hella smart hes fun to talk to he does this cute smile when hes especially talking to me an-"

"uh huh the guy youre talking about thats "not ur crush" is right over there" jake put emphasis on not ur crush with finger quotes

oh fuck. hes cute. was all he said on his head when he saw yn

"damn heeseung thought you would last longer than that?" yn said but heeseung just blanked out remembering the first time he saw you before doing the game

"heeseung?" "i love you" it was yn's turn to blank out as all he hesrd after that was a slurs of i love you while heeseung messily drove yn to his high

c. its hard being alone in your 20s especially with drowning yourself in your work while having no one to share anything with: your problems, your success, everything. and its really bad when you have no social life because you cant rant to someone about your two hot buff dilf neighbors who live together.

"they're prolly not into me im a twink theyre daddies maybe thats why they live together" you said over and over again while trying to not look at your neighbors infront of you wearing nothing but sweatpants

"eyes up here sweetheart" sunghoon said

"yk if you want this you could just ask" sungchan said while pointing on his yk what

d. drunk yn has been ranting to his best friend sungchan about his single life, he had always done this but its new years and sungchan is sick and tired of yn's shenanigand

"yn really again? yk what suck it" he opened his jeans and showed his dick thats bulging from his underwear

"are u fucking serious?" yn asked

"deadass. im sick and tired of you ranting that youre a single virgin every year. especially when i could be the one to solve that problem"

"what?" good thing yn didn't heard the last part sungchan said

"are you gonna suck it or not?"

thats all i got 😵‍💫😵‍💫 IDK IF ITS RVEN OK

Sungchan is DEF NOT hiding the fact that he’s enjoying every moment of his name coming you your mouth!!! And when your doing crutches he’ll hold your feet but end up just running his hands up your hips “cmon baby keep up…you can’t grow weak just yet” and his hands with just fiddle with the waistband of your shorts!!! Seeing you struggle would also kill him untill he just smiles “take a rest, you’ll need some energy for what I’m gonna do to this cute body of yours”

Heeseung!!!!!! (I love this plot and yes I love enha) this is definitely something he then can’t go without! He’ll become feral to the point that if you two begin dating or not he’s gonna brag ab you, ab how you make him a cum covered mess, he doesn’t care!!! After every game he’s fucking you because that’s how you give him a lil reward!!!! CAR SEX AFTER PRACTICE!!! He’s just annoyed that his coach was being a dick and just rails you in the backseat of his car while ranting to you at the same time 😭😭

“You wanna see it up close?” Sunghoon would go fucking feral too see you drill over his cock, especially while it’s just in sweatpants “I can give you a little peek if your be a good boy for me, can you do that baby? Hmm?”

Sungchan will just slowly pump his cock “go on, I know you want too which pisses me off even more that I still have to hear you complain..”

[syscultureis]

Plural culture is I just dont get it...why do endos want to be this? and why do people think others want or are faking all of this? Plural culture is I cant LIKE anything anymore. Plural culture is even if im ACTIVLY TRYING to not split and to ignore it all and just keep on keeping on and pretend my system isnt there I STILL split. I cant sit down and enjoy my day because my brain will take SOMETHING, ANYTHING, NOT EVEN A PERSON SOMETIMES and if I got enjoyment or even suffering out of it then its just THERE now and a part of me is missing. Plural culture is missing parts of yourself, loosing a skill or talent you loved that shaped who you were, forgetting the faces and voices of your loves ones, getting your memories rewriten for you, blinking and missing days or sometimes years. And thats just MY experience as host! Others in my system having to live their lives in the backseat, never being able to have one of their own or feeling like their hole point of existence is to make me happy or make sure we dont die. Sometimes I see how tired and drained the protectors are, how strung out the care takers are, the gatekeepers putting on a brave face for the good of the system to make us feel like maybe at least ONE of us has SOME kind of control only to find out that even they dont know everything or have control over it all. I see alters who are dating in our system wish and beg for a body just so they can hold hands like normal. Or others still who have had relationships outside the system wish they had a body independent of this one to go and be with who they want and do whatever they want. Its NOT all suffering and disorder yes of course and thats so very valid but like...even the most well adjusted systems deal with flashbacks, triggers, panic attacks I mean for fuck sake its not just some fun game or even a coping skill! Id RATHER NOT split or disassociate to be able to cope! Honestly id MUCH RATHER do things myself then switch but unfortunately I simply CANT no matter how much I want to! I HATE how low our split tolerance is because SPLITTING ISNT FUCKING FUN even when its painless! Even when its so subtle you dont notice! Because you loose something, a memory, your feelings, your sense of self gets rocked off its balance and honestly sometimes not knowing a split happed is WORSE cause youll just randomly start feeling like your not you anymore with no explanation as to why! Its so frustrating to see a bunch of people emulate the "fun parts" of my disorder and then when I get RIGHTFULY upset and say "hey its not like that it actually kinda sucks" they turn around and emotionally manipulate a group of people who are NUTORIOUS for not being believed by saying "Well because no one believes you then you should believe me because everyone has a different brain so actually I say that you dont need to be traumatized and have any of the bad shit your talking about and I get to have all the cool parts of it and your trying to oppress me by not letting me in your spaces" like???? Okay, so sorry for the rant and talking about endos and systemcorse and all. Sometimes it just all seems so ridiculous to me. When I see people say "real systems arnt hurt by people faking DID" and like??? no??? dont fucking speak for me???? Like yes stop fakeclaiming but like no dont say endos arnt "real systems problem" like I guess in practice sure but no and also BIG NO cause enods directly HAVE caused me problems so no, fuck that.

.

[soildmud]

reading inky mystery

good morning y’all, it is currently 3AM right now and i have developed some very strong opinions about inky mystery that i need to projectile vomit onto the internet. this is gonna be like a book review so i have some disclaimers/warnings:

#1: this “review” is not intended for the author, TAP, or anyone directly involved with the writing of IM. this is readers-only!

#3: i will most likely say very few positive things about the fic so if you don’t want to see negative remarks about your fav fic/story, maybe don’t read this. and also if you can’t handle strong language.

#4: i have not read all of IM, and there is a reason why. i will explain later on but i don’t need anyone to try and avoid spoilers. i don’t care for this fic enough to worry about that. talk to your heart’s content, i want to hear what y’all have to say!!!!

#5: i still enjoy inky mystery and its concepts and the overall story ideas. i think it’s fun and a cool spin on the original qftim au (an au that had so much potential and such shitty execution) and love how the fic has created an entire community around it! don’t get this twisted, i got nothing against IM or TAP.

now i’m gonna put the “review” (more like a rant) under a cut so as to not take up space on people’s dashes more than i already have lol—have fun!!

with such an interesting and promising premise, inky mystery has so far been a frustrating disappointment. i started reading it a while ago (had to stop because of school) and picked up again last night, hoping to get further into the fic and reach the parts that seem to be much more compelling than the exposition. i’m only on chapter 20 and already want to just stop reading it altogether. the more i progress through this the more i think to myself, “is this fic even worth reading 2.5 million words and 335 chapters?” as i’ve come to the beginning of chapter 21, i’m starting to think it most definitely is not.

obviously the biggest criticism is the length. there is absolutely no reason for why this fic is like 3 times longer than the fucking BIBLE. twelve “books” for what? to leave us in the same spot of the plot for the fifth time in a row when the conflict could have been resolved in almost half a chapter? the over-explanation of everything and the placement of practically useless dialogue is excruciating. i don’t understand how having chapter long bits of the warner shenanigans was necessary; i get it was meant for comedy but i don’t think they should dragged any longer than like a paragraph. their dialogue gets old incredibly fast, and it’s just a hinder to the fic’s flow. and before anyone says anything—I HAVE WATCHED ANIMANIACS BEFORE. in fact, i used to be obsessed with them and watched every episode until it stopped airing in 2014. i know they’re supposed to be the way they are in the fic but Holy SHIT DUDE. SHUT THEM THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

listen. i know this was originally written in 2017, but if you’re still updating this into 2024, at this point you need to remake the whole fic and shorten it. the way the author is updating the fic with basically filler makes me feel like they care more about creating content for their readers rather than actually writing a coherent narrative. you don’t need to take down the OG fic but there has got to be a way to shorten it so it doesn’t take literally a week straight to finish the fic in one sitting.

anyways. apart from that, i need to say that the writing style is so juvenile in a way that feels aggravating. i read the most recent chapter to see if anything changed and while it certainly improved in small ways, i feel like TAP still hasn’t learned how to not make sentences like four words long and dialogue sequences that don’t make up half the chapter. i also feel like the narrative is just…holding the readers hand and explaining every little thing like they expect the reader not to have any media literacy at all. i don’t need to know explicitly that boris and bendy are tired from walking for hours, i knew that from your narration mentioning their legs aching and them getting mucky from clambering in the forest.

next, i hate the random inclusion of unnecessary characters. the way the two detectives seem to only show up when it’s convenient and how the warners were used basically like a deus ex machina is frustrating. don’t introduce so many characters with so much detail and then have them show up like twice. i don’t know how to explain this because it’s almost 4AM now and my brain is foggy but god. when those two fox characters were randomly introduced at the end of idk what chapter to have a completely useless conversation with the detectives i felt so annoyed. i don’t know if they have any real significance later on in the story (and i don’t mean that they show up to say hi later) and honestly i cannot be bothered to find out if they do, but if they don’t, that entire section of the chapter was fucking stupid. let your MAIN CHARACTERS learn information from other sources for the love of god.

in the end, i don’t know if i’ll ever finish Inky Mystery, at least not anytime soon. i had fun at the start and now i’m just annoyed and frustrated. also, to the wiki people, PLEASE MAKE CHAPTER SUMMARIES AND SHIT—IT WOULD BE A DREAM FOR THOSE OF US WHO DON’T WANT TO SIT THROUGH 2.5 MILLION WORDS FOR PLOT AND STORY!!!!

also, i am not claiming to be a better writer or have superior knowledge to TAP. i think TAP is good at writing, but has some flaws that really limit their full potential. i myself am an amateur writer with no training or anything, but i am a reader, so that’s why i’m yapping.

ALSO ALSO, i am not doing this to shit on TAP or IM or anyone who likes this story and everything. like i said, i actually like IM and really want to get into it so i can make fanart and everything, but it has been a struggle and i want to voice that because this is my blog and i use it like a virtual diary. i will continue to skim and push through IM, and will most definitely use it as a learning tool for my own au, SITP.

again, this review was made with zero malice in mind. however if anyone wants to say anything i’m 100% open to conversation, and if this reaches TAP’s screen somehow, please know i’m not trying to be a hater!!! i love your ideas and the community you’ve created, promise!!!! i’m done now cus i’m tired and need to sleep so bye to anybody who read through this beast of a post lol plus i don’t have the energy to write all i wanted to say. sorry if there’s any mistakes i’m falling asleep as i write LMAO

bye!!!!!!

[limeade-l3sbian]

Ew just saw one of my favorite blogs talk about how radblr is just “incels” for girls. What is it about handmaidens always comparing feminist to violent misogynistic men? Literally just saying the same old “feminist women are just angry bitches cause they can’t get laid” as if any woman wouldn’t be able to “get dick” as if men had any kind of standards that it’s so hard for women to find an ugly worthless moid to fuck if we really wanted to like??? And the worst of it all is that this girl used to be on radblr and that is exactly what happens when you get your info on an app instead of picking up a book or going to outside sources and making your own opinion instead of saying in your weird echo chamber on the internet. So tired of spineless women, women also contribute to maintaining the patriarchy, Im tired of pretending we have no play in it just cause we’re the victims of it. Sorry for the rant, honestly but it’s mind blowing to me how downright stupid some people are 😪

Don’t be sorry, anon. Bc it is frustrating.

I don’t entertain that notion that radfems “just need to get laid” the same way I don’t accept that incels “just need to get laid”. Neither instance fixes anything.

Radfems are not inciting and acting on violent thoughts towards their chosen effigy (women, in the case of incels). Radfems are not encouraging the systematic violation of men’s bodily autonomy as well as celebrating their mass harassment in all corners of the world. Radfems goals do not even center on seeking equality with men, but seeking liberation from the system they have constructed and walled the whole of the world within. Radfems are not demanding something unearned or unowed from men; they are demanding to either be treated as the true second half of the human race they are, or to be left the fuck alone.

In that same breath, incels are not oppressed based solely on their sex. Being denied sex and the spoils of an active social life because you have poor hygiene and bring up porn in casual conversation is not oppression. I’d call that ‘consequences of your own actions/inaction’, but whatever. They don’t seek to change the system they allegedly suffer under. In fact, they champion those men higher up in their constructed hierarchies of “high value” men, and agree with the “high value” men who call them (the incels) losers. They don’t want things to change, they just want to benefit from the current system. They may complain about “chads” or whatever tf, but ultimately it is “Stacey” who is to blame for not lowering her standards and doing her due diligence of giving every guy a chance but also not being a raging slut who deserves nothing.

Incels and their baseless ideology is a sword swinging in the wind, angry at everyone but boy holding the sword. Radical feminism is the shield. It has always been the shield.

[bettyfrommars]

Betty, I love you. This is gunna be a rant about a man, not our man Eddie, but my selfish husband. Guuurl. Ive been with this dude 20 yrs, 2 kids, great fucking provider where i can stay home in so cali. Hes funny, loving, caring, all those good things people want in a husband but damn the sex suuuuuuuccckkkksss. Hes the only man ive been with ( biiig mistake on my part 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️) anyway 20 yrs, and hes never made me O. 😭😭😭maybe it was a lack in my part cuz i never really liked when hed go down on me. In our youth we'd have sex like 11 times a day and now that i want more as im older (late 30's 🫣) he can only go once and im still O less. Ive tried diff things with him but hes very vanilla. To him our sex life is amazing cuz he cums every fucking time while im just a hole. Slowly starting to resent him but how can I when he does all these other thinga for me ya know. All that to say i fucking loooove the way you write Eddie in all your fics but especially the smutty ones. The way you describe him brings me to my fucking knees. When its just me and my toy i imagine its the Eddie you've written. Girl give yourself a pat on the back.😘

I love you too 🥹

So, first of all, let me say it is the biggest compliment ever to a smut writer that anyone would think of their character and/or scenes in their head when they have alone time, so thank you for that. I will cherish that like you have no idea.

The Eddie's I write are absolutely obsessed with you, so you will always have that. Continued....

As someone who has had my fair share of relationships and dated too many people to count---great providers who are also funny, loving and caring are hard to come by, and I'm really glad you have someone who is good to you. But also, I deeply understand your frustration. Especially if you are a very sexually driven or physical person, not getting the satisfaction from your partner can start to make you feel crazy, like you just want to climb the walls and go fuck everything to get some new experiences.

Does he know you are always going without the big O? Because if he loves you and cares about you, he will want to make sure the kitty purrs. If he knows that you are never getting off, but he doesn't care---that is not very loving.

There is a lot of bad sex out there, sad to say. I dated a guy in his thirties once who had no idea where the clitoris was or that most women needed it to be stimulated to cum. But he was eager to learn, and he got really good at it. I remember thinking his next gf should send me a gift card or something for ratcheting up his skill levels.

I have a lot of friends around your age, in similar situations, so you are definitely not alone in this, if that helps at all. All of that chemistry and those sparks you feel with someone in the beginning have a shelf life, so I have found, and need constant work. But like, yeah, we all get so tired of "working" on things...why can't it just come easy for once 🙃

[honeyviscera]

hrgh. this is a weird thing to get mad about, probably, but when the people i know don't take care of themselves properly, and like. are aware that they're not taking care of themselves properly, and just. don't take any steps to change their habits, and just keep on. knowingly. willingly. self destructing. it pisses me off so much.

like. a lot of the issues you're having could be mitigated if you just took these few steps. if you just did a few things differently. i care about you, and i'm telling you that you need to fucking stop this. and when my genuine concern gets met with a light-hearted "haha, it's fine 😜✌️" or a "no 💖" it's like. you dumbass.

i hate when im being sincere and get met with sarcasm. or not taking me seriously. or a number of insincere, uncaring responses. i care about you, and you're hurting yourself. you won't stop. you won't listen to me. why? you fucking dumbass? why won't you take me seriously. i get tired of being brushed off.

one of my friends from high school is incredibly bad for this. they would always overcommit. burn out. not sleep enough. get into toxic situations and then just. exist in them. they were in an incredibly abusive relationship for a year and kept ignoring the red flags, and literally almost died because of that relationship. they were left to direct the entire school musical for 2 years in a row because the teacher wasnt doing their fucking job, and they just accepted it. on top of doing advanced classes. what the hell. they would come to school looking like an empty shell. they lost the spark of enthusiasm that made them, well, them. they've gone away for uni now and from what i've heard theyve been in terrible, terrible situations and have. not taken care of themselves. not drawn a line. they began coughing up blood due to stress alone. if i were them i would have quit. left. the amount of bullshit they go through that could be prevented if they cared about their own wellbeing like at all is fucking astronomical. i love them but it's hard to love them when they continually treat themselves like shit and hurt themselves more.

i know this sounds rich coming from me, the engineering major, but even though the program i'm in is meant to push you to your limit, everything i do is always with the utmost compassion to myself. i take breaks when i need to. i forgive myself. i sleep properly. i eat properly. i don't commit to other things that would be too much to handle.

i guess it's a different matter if you just. forget to eat or something like that, but when reminded you're like 'oh shit yeah im going to eat now'. something like that is just. it's not the conscious self destruction, you know? wanting to take care of yourself but just forgetting and needing help along the way is fine. we all do that. we all need help. but rejecting help is so frustrating to me. laughing it off. not standing up for yourself. why do you hate yourself like that? you wouldn't want others to go through it, so why do you let it happen to you?

sorry for the rant, idk if this is coherent at all. anyways. take care of yourself or i will hit you with hammers.