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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 313: Deku VS Lady Nagant

Previously on BnHA: Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai Lady Nagant showed up to fire a cupid’s arrow into my heart, and a bunch of literal bullets into my son. Deku was all “oh shit it’s Hawks’s super-hot badass murder senpai, what do I do, let me think back to Hawks’s advice for a sec.” Flashback!Hawks was all “anyway Deku so if my super-hot badass murder senpai ever shows up you’re basically screwed so you’d better abscond the fuck out of there.” Present!Deku was all “lol idek why I flashed back to that conversation since I’m just going to do the exact opposite of what Hawks said” and charged directly toward Nagant because WHY NOT. Overhaul was all “waah I need to get back to my boss who I put in a coma out of love” and Nagant was all “jesus christ why did I even bring you here” and had a flashback to AFO who was all “ILU NAGANT IMMA GIVE YOU AN EXTRA QUIRK SO PLEASE CAPTURE DEKU FOR ME PLEASE AND THANKS” and yeah. Shit is all over the place right now and I love it.

Today on BnHA: All Might gets attacked by a pair of discount assassins and is all “Call an ambulance! ...BUT NOT FOR ME” and it’s really badass but also I really wish he would stop tempting fate like this. Lady Nagant is all “[casually flies around town shooting shit]” and I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t read an entire chapter of just that. Deku is all, “[gets shot (≥_<)]” and releases a giant Smokescreen which prompts En to show up. En is all, “( •᷄⌓•᷅ ) (⌣̀ Δ⌣́) ( •̀_•́ )σ (¬､¬) (눈_눈)” which I consider to be a high point of both the chapter and of my life. The chapter ends with Deku using the Third’s quirk to launch a bunch of random objects at Nagant so that he can jump up and grab her arm all sneaky-like, and I’m sure this is going to prompt another week’s worth of discourse that I don’t care about at all, but fuck it, I’m having a good time.

OH WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO ALL MIGHT WELL THAT’S NICE I GUESS. CONGRATS ON NOT BEING DEAD

you named your car??

you named it Hercules??

I love you so much??

please marry me you giant fucking dork???

lmao speaking of huge fucking dorks

who the fuck are you clowns. la dee da we’re gonna murder All Might with our synchronized spear attack!! I mean... they’re clearly trying their best... maybe I should just be nice and politely hype them up like All Might is so clearly trying to do

like okay, but we all agree that this is actually the least intimidating attack any of us has ever seen, right?? these guys zipped up their hoodies all serious-like and are trying to attack All Might and Hercules with their Walmart tiki torches, but just, no?? right?? like the only way this could possibly be effective is if they were trying to kill All Might with secondhand embarrassment

“those are assassins” this is a VERY generous assessment, All Might

OH MY GOD THE TIKI TORCHES ACTUALLY KILLED THE FUCK OUT OF HERCULES

[slaps roof of car] this baby can fit so many weaponized festive backyard lighting solutions in it

and yet, even after watching this with my own two eyes, I still can’t take these dudes seriously. idek what it is. anyways r.i.p. Hercules, I loved you a lot but I guess you weren’t actually a very good armored car were you

omg they didn’t know it was All Might??

okay 1) for a moment there I was like “oh hey maybe they’re not so bad after all” but then a moment later it was like “ah nope, they are.” like, that was an interesting .06 second emotional journey there. anyways 2) All Might you have my permission to kick their asses for this disrespect, and 3) anyone else all of a sudden getting “wouldn’t this be an interesting time for Stain to suddenly show up” vibes?? no?? just me???

(ETA: hmm tbh I’ve still got those vibes and they haven’t gone away lol. Stain?? you out there buddy?? do you want to be cool for just once in your life. ball’s in your court pal.)

OH SNAP ALL MIGHT ARE YOU REALLY GONNA DO IT ARE YOU GONNA KICK THEIR ASSES

PROTECTIVE DAD MODE ACTIVATED?? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M HERE FOR THAT SHIT, SO YEAH, FEEL FREE

omg he’s shouting at them about how much Deku has suffered lmao and they’re just like falling over from being scolded

so they have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about though, right? “SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S” well whatever, you killed his pet car so he’s in a bad mood now

OH MY GOD

LIKE, JUST SO WE’RE ALL CLEAR, THESE FOUR PAGES SO FAR HAVE MADE ALMOST ZERO SENSE. LIKE MAYBE 2% SENSE TOPS. BUT ASK ME IF I CARE. GO AHEAD AND ASK. I SAID GO AHEAD, IT’S OKAY. ...NO I DON’T CARE AT ALL THANK YOU FOR ASKING

(ETA: also, the more I look at this panel, the more I’m just like, why the hell would you phrase it like that though, sob. way to doubly tempt fate?? are you trying to give Horikoshi a challenge??)

and now back to Deku who is randomly bouncing around the city and narrating it to himself just in case he was confused about why he was doing this

who are you talking to Deku. but thanks we appreciate it

man you gotta love that overconfidence. the smartest guy in the world warned you away from this lady, so SURE, LET’S RUN RIGHT UP TO HER. “I APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT, FLASHBACK!HAWKS, BUT I’LL TAKE IT FROM HERE” well okay then!!

I think it would be funny if RHA.com put little Buzzfeed-style polls in between the chapter pages so they could survey people at random intervals as they read their way through the chapter. like, you finish this page and then there’s a little poll there asking “do you think Deku’s plan of catching up to Lady Nagant and finding out where Shigaraki is will work?”, and you click “no” just like everyone else and then nod as the results show that 97% of your fellow readers also picked “no”, and you chuckle to yourself wondering how many of the 3% accidentally clicked on the wrong option by mistake, and then you keep on reading

ANYWAY, SO

HOW’S THAT PLAN WORKING OUT FOR YOU SO FAR DEKU. nice kick, though!!

omggggggg

ouch

update: Deku’s plan not really working out. sources tell me my boy has been fucking shot. this is an ongoing story and we will keep you posted with the latest developments as they come in

wait what

feel free to explain to the rest of us what all of this “UNLESS...” and “THAT POSSIBILITY...” shit means anytime, Deku

oh lol did he realize she could fly??

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE, CNN’s John King reports that Deku is still fucked. eyewitness reports now coming in that Nagant is doing no-look shots and basically not even giving a fuck. sources described her mannerisms and expression as “sexy, but in like an effortless sort of way.” we will continue to bring you the latest

so now there’s basically an entire page of Deku being all “ah fuck so she’s basically closing in and she could already hit me with impossible accuracy even from Far Away, so if that’s the case then her being Up Close is probably going to be even worse!” making good use of that Big Hero Brain there, Deku

so now what, you’re doing some kind of spiraling kick thing?? how is that going to help

oh lol he’s using Smokescreen to create some cover. aww, good for you Deku you named one of your Smokescreen attacks

OH NO LADY DON’T TELL ME AFO DIDN’T EVEN FILL YOU IN ON THE BASICS

seriously, AFO?? you basically told her what Deku’s exact strategy was going to be but then couldn’t be assed to drop that little, small, barely notable piece of knowledge that Deku is rocking multiple quirks?? is it supposed to be a secret or something?? you dropped the ball here man

damn this is getting intense now

(ETA: the way En is poking Deku’s head in that first panel is fucking sending me, I love this guy so much omg.)

well then what are you planning, Deku?? I’m actually really curious!! I am genuinely starting to be invested in this fight scene not only in the “wanting to see who wins and how that impacts the plot” sense, but also in the “wanting to see how it happens because the choreography and strategy is actually pretty cool” sense, which honestly hasn’t happened for quite a while now! this is fun

anyway so what’s up Deku, are you going to use another quirk?? I’ve been speculating that he hasn’t actually unlocked the last two yet (since Two and Three didn’t exactly seem convinced when we last saw them), but maybe I’m about to be proven wrong

(ETA: well he clearly has Three’s obviously, but Two’s is still MIA, and that’s the one I am of course the most curious about. that’s the one we’re all curious about, let’s be real.)

OH SNAP???

AHHHH I’M HYPED LOL. ANOTHER SHINY NEW QUIRK LOL SHOULD I PUT UP THE USUAL DISCOURSE DISCLAIMER

(ETA: so yeah, after thinking on it, I’m not gonna say “please no Deku discourse on my blog” this week, but I probably will ignore any discourse that does come my way though, just because I don’t have much interest in getting involved in what would probably be a pretty repetitive discussion. like, I can just sum up my opinions (which is what they are) here instead. in fact here they are lol:

1) I like the SIXQUIRKS and I like seeing Deku be a badass.

2) I also don’t think Deku is too OP. more like he’s exactly as OP as he needs to be at the moment, given that we’re approaching the end of the series. I expect the other kids will also be pretty damn OP when we see them fight again. we’re just at that point now where they’re all badasses (as well they should be; they’ve grown a lot and they deserve it). it’s just that Deku’s the one we’re getting to see right now.

3) of course I miss Kacchan and the others, but for me this vibes much closer to the MVA arc where even though I missed them, I was still having a blast (as opposed to the dark days of the Basement arc where I was pretty much losing it lol). like, even though Kacchan’s my favorite, I still love Deku a lot and this arc has been amazing for him getting to shine on his own (for like the first time, really).

4) y’all know I love the OFA plot and I’ve never been shy about that lol. I like all of the Vestiges a lot. Banjou and his over the top personality; En and his “guy you thought would be serious and :| all the time but is actually hyper-animated and ALL OVER THE PLACE” energy; Shiro who actually is a :| sort of guy lol; Three who I still expect will be fleshed out in a more detailed flashback at some point; and of course Two, who, well. you know what I think about him lol. Bakuverse is still on the table and I’m still hyped. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we still have yet to see Two actually talk to Deku (as opposed to talking to the other Vestiges while Deku is distracted). did he lend him his power yet?? or is he still holding out?? either way it’s definitely going to be a Big Thing when it finally happens and I can’t wait to see it.

5) Lady Nagant is Everything and just because Deku grabbed her arm doesn’t mean the fight is over yet lol. Overhaul hasn’t come into play yet either. not to mention that even if the fight is over, the “where do we go from here” part still has me excited either way. her connection to Hawks and the HPSC is very intriguing and we’ve barely touched on that as of yet; she definitely has more of a role to play in this.

6) last but not least, I feel like every week the discussion is all about how much focus Deku’s getting, and how OP he is or isn’t, and OFA this and OFA that, but meanwhile I’m actually so invested in the character development here though?? the way Deku has distanced himself from everyone (except for the Vestiges, because of course they’re already dead so it’s not like they can die again lol)?? the way he’s pushing himself far too hard and we can see the shadows in and under his eyes, and the fact that he never smiles, and even All Might has remarked on how he isn’t taking care of himself at all?? the fact that he’s so single-mindedly obsessed with focused on stopping AFO?? the fact that he’s still the same sweet old Deku despite everything and was so kind to that fox lady with the umbrella, but there was also something so sad about that scene because it felt like a reminder of the type of hero that he wants to be, but that he’s not allowed to be right now?? because the stakes are too high and the world is falling apart?? and he feels like he’s the only one who can do something about it?? and that he has to be?? and that he is putting so much pressure on himself right now, and it’s absolutely too much pressure for any one person to bear, and I feel like no one is fucking talking about this lol goddammit.

anyway so yeah. I have feels about this, and every week that slow-burn angst is getting more and more intense behind the scenes, and I feel like it’s all going to hit a breaking point eventually. sooner rather than later. it really feels like a mirror of Katsuki’s post-Kamino arc. where all that angst was just churning below the surface for like twenty chapters and then it finally was like “okay it’s time” and it all came bursting out and we got the best five chapters of the fucking series (in my admittedly biased estimation lol).

basically, I know that most of fandom is billing this as either the “villain hunt” arc or the “solo Deku SIXQUIRKS fighting arc” or whatever. but for me, it’s always been and still is the Deku Angst arc lol. the cool fights are a sexy bonus (the worldbuilding less so because even though it’s interesting to see society at such a low point, it’s also very depressing and gets old pretty fast), but for me the thing that’s really keeping me engaged chapter after chapter is seeing Deku like we’ve never seen him before. seeing him all quiet and withdrawn and brooding and focused on AFO, AFO, AFO, and seeing that “he just doesn’t take himself into account” mentality taken to extremes. I am invested in that. I’m soaking up that angst each and every week, and I’m invested in seeing what comes of it. it’s a big picture thing. week to week this arc might just seem like a bunch of villain fight scenes, sure. but Deku’s emotional journey is the thread that’s going to carry this arc through from beginning to end, and for that I’m willing to be patient.

anyway that turned into a BIG OL’ RANT there but yeah! so those are my thoughts on the disk horse as it currently stands. and like I said, I’m open to discussion, but tbh I will probably just wind up repeating these same talking points endlessly so just a fair warning lol.)

anyway so Three says Deku has yet to use his quirk at ALL but now he’s trying to combine it with another quirk?? damn. also please check out En’s face here you guys

En launching a sneak attack up my favorite character list by the sheer power of his expressions alone. he really knows how to make the most of his screentime

OH DAMN DEKU

at this point the 3% from that hypothetical poll earlier are starting to feel prettttty damn smug, I’ll bet. well shit

what in the fuck

?? so like releasing his chi or whatnot?? isn’t that basically just like base OFA all over again?? also Deku did you seriously just apologize to Gran’s cape

update: Nagant has turned her eyeball into a gun

hm. hmmmmmmm. ...okay yep, still somehow sexy

anyway so she’s just floating up there building suspense, as one does. lord I sure hope she has good reflexes because something tells me she’s going to need them

OH SNAP HE THREW GRAN’S CAPE AS A DECOY WHAAAAT OKAY THAT’S SOME SMART SHIT DEKU

LOL SHE’S MAD NOW

JESUS CHRIST SHE JUST NEVER TAKES A GODDAMN BREAK FROM BEING AWESOME HUH

DEKU ARE YOU JUST THROWING EVERY DAMN THING IN YOUR INVENTORY

but without the cape and the hood how will you continue to look like an enigmatic badass. you really can’t. which means we might finally be moving on from the wandering nomad part of this arc, stay tuned

LOL YOU MANIAC

I hope he went full Kacchan with the dialogue there. his face sure looks like it lol. popped out of a building all mad fdskljlkj omg

well this was fun, shit. I still have basically no idea what Three’s quirk does though lol. like, can he use it to charge up objects with kinetic energy or something?? but then what was all of that talk about combining it with one of the other quirks?? or was that just because he was using Smokescreen at the same time??

(ETA: having seen and read an additional half-dozen explanations of Three’s quirk, I can say with confidence that I still have basically no idea what it is or does.)

anyway so!! Deku is a badasssssss but something tells me not to count Nagant out just yet even so. also I really enjoy seeing Deku flip out on people like he doesn’t have a fucking hole in his torso because it reminds me of A CERTAIN SOMEONE and I always love to see him channeling that feral energy; I feel like it’s been a while

anyways good luck to you both!! I truly wish that both of you could win. but if not, then maybe you can at least become friends instead. you have so much in common, you both can fly and have multiple quirks and you’re both badasses, and plus it would just be really funny to see the look on Hawks’s face lmao

#bnha 313 #midoriya izuku #lady nagant #bnha meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 4 years ago

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What a coward ass account. I’ve asked about several questions but I bet you won’t answer it because apparently you ship a fake ship and have 0 backbone and you can’t argue with anyone because you’ve nothing to back up your fanservice ass ship. Namjin is merely a friendship and a professional one at that. Wake up. Jin is never intimate with Joon, never tells me he loves him, never goes out of his way to spoil him, never possesses over him. Never shows any sign of jealousy so how tf are y’all so fucking delulu and blind?

You know, normally I’d just delete something as rude as this but honestly you gave me a good laugh with it so I’ll take the bait. But FYI, while I planned on answering these questions sooner or later, because imagine this, some of us have jobs and things we need to take care of and thus sometimes just don’t have the time to write posts, especially when some of them take a lot of time and research, even more so when an average thematic post from me is somewhere between 2 and 5k words long. That takes a hot minute to write. Not that you’d care, but now I don’t think I’ll answer them because I truly don’t appreciate you coming into our asks and being this unnecessary level of rude. If you felt like I skipped your question or was taking an oddly long time to answer, it would’ve sufficed to send in a small question about it and you would’ve gotten a normal answer for it, but guess not.

There are several things I find extremely interesting and also hilarious about your ask, especially since they confirm basically every suspicion I have about shipping when it comes to Bangtan and mlm ships in general.

But I’d like to start with this first because it really made me pause there for a minute: “because you’ve nothing to back up your fanservice ass ship” Since your ask is about Namjin I will assume this part is as well, yes, and I really am struggling to see how they, of all ships, are a “fanservice” one considering both Namjoon and Seokjin aren’t really big on skinship and initiating hugs and touches. What, exactly, about them is fanservice? Even more so since you go on to say this: “Jin is never intimate with Joon, never tells me he loves him, never goes out of his way to spoil him, never possesses over him. Never shows any sign of jealousy” so if these are your definition of what constitutes a) fanservice and b) a relationship, yet you claim Namjin is just fanservice, how can that be if you say they never do any? This math doesn’t math, you know.

Before I get ahead of myself, let’s break this down point by point, shall we?

1. “Jin is never intimate with Joon” – Tell me, dear anon, how exactly do you know that? Are you their friend? A fly living on their wall and watching over them 24/7? And also, how, exactly, are we supposed to be shown that by them? Is Namjoon supposed to walk over to Seokjin and, I don’t know, make out with him while Bangtan B*mb Noona stands a meter away and films the whole thing? What even does intimate mean in your definition? I have a sneaking suspicion of what you’re asking for but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

Since I like language, let’s get into the literal definition of the word intimate, shall we, because you might be surprised to find it doesn’t just mean what you think it does. According to the Cambridge dictionary, intimate has several meanings, and what Namjoon and Seokjin show us and tell us that they have is actually several of them:

“Being a close, personal friend”, does that ring a bell? It does, doesn’t it? Namjoon and Seokjin have known each other for ten years almost, have spent a considerable amount of time together, have had dinner with each other’s families, Namjoon was at Seokjin’s brother’s wedding, and Namjoon is the person he turns to when it comes to his lyrics, always makes sure to thank Namjoon in his Thank You section in their albums, and supports him however he sees fit. Isn’t that intimate?

I know you mean the sexual kind of intimate, and truly that is something neither you nor I have any knowledge of and, surprise, it’s none of our business either. If I remember correctly, we’ve never brought up anything really sexual in any of our posts because I don’t believe in this whole “sexual tension” thing that toxic shippers go around preaching about. Even if it were there, that’s not for us to discuss because their sex life is none of our business.

Next.

2. “never tells me he loves him” – Never tells you he loves him? And why, pray tell, should he tell you, specifically? Yes, I’m being petty, so what. Love speaks many different languages, and saying the words “I love you” is just one of many, many different ways in which you can let someone know you love and cherish them, romantically and platonically. Years ago when Seokjin posted a cover on SoundCloud he said in the accompanying post that he prefers saying I like you over I love you, so I guess that means he just doesn’t love anyone, yes? Besides, is he obliged to stand in front of the camera and profess his undying love to Namjoon for you to believe he loves our dearest leader?

Isn’t it enough that he shows his love and respect for Namjoon in other ways, like praising him when Namjoon was being hard on himself so Seokjin told him he did well and that he always does well even in tricky situations, or being by his side during red carpets and other such things because Namjoon once asked him to do so because he feels calmer when Seokjin is by his side? Isn’t that a beautiful way of showing someone you love them, regardless if it’s romantic or platonic love?

Next.

3. “never goes out of his way to spoil him” – Is Seokjin Namjoon’s sugar daddy? Did I miss something?

Next.

4. “never possesses over him. Never shows any sign of jealousy” – now this point I have the biggest rage at because neither of these things—possessiveness and jealousy—are good things, especially not in a romantic relationship, but really, they aren’t a good thing in any kind of relationship. Possessiveness is a slippers slope, as is jealousy, the former being a great gateway toward an abusive relationship and while that might be “”””cute”””” in raunchy romance novels and movies, it isn’t in real life. And neither is jealousy. The only thing jealousy really tells and shows you, in the context you are going for, is insecurity and a lack of faith in your relationship and especially your partner. And that, again, isn’t a good or healthy thing for a relationship, especially not a romantic one. I know toxic shippers eat up this whole jealousy bs, YouTube is full of it after all and brings in hundreds of thousands of views (and dollars), but that has nothing to do with real life. So, the fact that we never see Seokjin, or Namjoon, jealous or possessive over the other? That is a good thing. Besides, enlighten me, how is this jealousy supposed to look like because true jealousy doesn’t appear written across your face in neon letters. I’m curious.

Next.

5. “Namjin is merely a friendship and a professional one at that.” – if that is your opinion, I’m happy for you. I won’t go out of my way to prove to you why I think differently or why you should because that’s not what I’m here for. Yes, I have a certain opinion on Namjin, that’s true, but I’m not a toxic shipper who will fights someone tooth and nail over it because that’s stupid. And won’t change anything anyway. Besides, my opinion doesn’t in any shape or form negate that they are friends. Every good relationship should have friendship as basis, and I very much believe that they are very close friends, while your phrasing makes it seem like you think they are only work friends, as in people who are friends during working hours but stop once they clock out of work, just saying.

The purpose of this blog isn’t to somehow convert people into shippers or convince them of something, instead it’s simply supposed to be a happy space where we share our opinions, have fun with Bangtan, their music and everything else, and can have civil conversations without calling anyone out or calling each other names. It’s literally in our blog description “Sharing thoughts on everything Bangtan, as well as vmin and namjin”, meaning it is a blog “designed” for both OT7s as well as people who already are vminnies or namjinists, or both, and yet if someone happens to start liking one of these two pairings because of our posts, like I’ve seen happen with some readers and namjin, that’s great, but that’s not our primary goal in any kind of way.

This is our blog which also means we have the freedom to answer whichever asks we want to and however quickly we want or can. Chances are, perhaps, the way you phrased your ask simply didn’t sit well with us and thus we decided against answering it at the time. Just some food for thought.

Lastly, there are a lot of blogs that surely represent your opinions and agree with you, so what, exactly, are you looking for on our blog? Do you think by sending an ask like this, or questioning my opinions in such a manner, you’ll be able to convert us away from our opinions? Neither of us forces anyone to agree with everything we say, so you don’t have to either, and we also don’t force anyone to read our posts. If you don’t like what we post, you are free to look for a different blog with which you’ll be able to agree and find your opinion represented, I won’t stop you. Enjoy.

#answered ask

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feistypaants-archived · 5 years ago

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Between The Pipes [Chapter 5]

Rating: M Words: 1742 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: When a new owner takes over the Arendelle Ice Breakers, Kristoff isn’t sure about his future with the team. That is, until a PR nightmare throws the newest member of the media team, who also just so happens to be the daughter of the new owner, right into his arms. Kristoff and Anna can’t even stand the interviews they have to do together… how on earth are they going to fix this mess? Hockey!AU.

[Chapter Index]

Where To Read: [AO3]

Notes: a short boi, sorry! .... hopefully still semi-enjoyable... decided to denote a POV change mid chapter with a bigger break in paragraphs. Hope that’s fine!

Thanks for all the love y’all are the best!!

Enjoy!

Sven had kept true to his word, and after practice for the last few days he had been inviting her out to lunch or dinner to help her learn the basics of the sport. In return, she happily bought him whatever food or drink he wanted.

“So that, and icing, are two major things that will cause a stoppage of play.”

Anna spent a lot of time nodding and writing notes these days. She wanted to prove that she could do more than just smile pretty for the camera, wanted to prove that she could figure this all out and be an actual reporter for the team. Or at least more than just a recognizable face.

“Other than penalties.”

“Yeah, those too,” Sven chuckled, nodding. “And unfortunately, some of our boys really like to get penalties.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. From seeing how they behaved in practice, it wouldn’t really surprise her to see a long list of penalties per game. “Hey, as long as they get it done, right?”

“Right.”

He leaned over, grabbing the pen and notepad from her before drawing a diagram of the rink. “So… here’s the anatomy of an ice rink.”

They spent another thirty minutes discussing every marking on the ice, learning who was positioned where, what faceoff circle was used when, what all the marks around the net meant, and every other little thing that she questioned him about. Anna’s brain was starting to hurt. It wasn’t complicated, but it was just so much.

“I think it’s time for another drink,” she laughed, twisting in her chair and looking around for the server.

A smile was on her face until her eyes landed on him, walking through the door with a cocky grin pulling at his lips. She felt her cheeks flush, and a thick lump form in her throat as her fingers tightened on the back of the chair.

Sure, she had been seeing him at the rink, but rarely out of gear, and rarely… this put together.

His dark wash jeans were tight and fitted around his thighs and ass, a cream colored Henley stretched over his chest, and it was all topped off with a warm, all-the-colors-of-autumn flannel rolled up past his forearms. Sighing deeply, Anna bit at her bottom lip, startling when a finger tapped her shoulder.

“You’re drooling.”

Anna jumped, wiped at her lower lip, and frowned as her lipstick smeared across the back of her hand. “What?” She laughed, pressing her hands flat against the table. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Fuck, did he know?!

Sven grinned and raised his hand in the air. “Kris! Over here!”

Anna shrunk, face beet red and thumb raised to her mouth, teeth chewing nervously on the nail. Why was she getting so flustered? She had been pretty successfully avoiding him over the last few days, knowing that she was horribly embarrassed after the incident in the weight room, and knowing that the second he opened his mouth she’d probably be irritated again.

But lord, she liked to look.

She could feel his presence behind her, looming over the back of her chair as he moved to sit in the only free chair at the table, his hand skimming the backrest of her seat. “Why’d you invite her?” He started, jerking his thumb towards her as his eyes locked on Sven.

“Well, to be fair, she and I were already here, and I invited you.” Sven lifted one brow, frustration obvious on his features. “Didn’t I tell you to try and stop being an asshole?”

Anna couldn’t help the laugh that came out as more of a snort, and Kristoff’s eyes jerked over to her, looking her up and down quickly before he rolled his eyes.

“We were going over the basics. Any brilliant bits of insight you’d like to bestow upon her?” Sven seemed as if he was trying to keep it casual, but Anna could sense a tiny bit of tension rising around the table.

It was probably because of her.

Kristoff lifted one hand to signal to the curious waiter that he was ready, and quickly ordered a beer. “Insight?” He laughed, leaning forward with his arm pressed against the table top. “Maybe don’t get a job in a sport you know nothing about?”

Anna felt her shoulders tighten, and clenched her fingers on the table edge. She would not let him get to her. She would not let this asshole get under her skin.

“Another great piece of advice. Thanks so much.”

“Kristoff.” Sven’s voice held a warning, as if the strict captain was starting to emerge. “I’m serious.”

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, taking a swig of his beer as soon as it came. Then stayed quiet. As if he decided it was better to say nothing at all, because he probably didn’t have anything nice to say anyway.

Anna felt herself shrinking, felt herself frustrated and upset from one sentence. All he had to do was open his mouth, and her good mood was shot. “You know…” Sven turned to her, and Anna smiled while reaching down to grab her bag. “I should probably go. Thanks,” she patted his shoulder and moved to stand.

“Oh, come on,” Sven leaned further back in his chair, and she jumped slightly when he kicked Kristoff under the table. “You don’t have to go on account of this dickwad.”

Kristoff was practically glaring at Sven.

“Seriously, right Kristoff?”

Kristoff rolled his eyes and lifted the bottle to his lips, voice monotone and clearly sarcastic. “Oh, please, don’t go.”

Taking in a deep breath, Anna raised her bag to her shoulder, straightening her posture. “No, it’s fine. I’m very clearly not wanted here. But, Sven,” she turned to him then, leaning forward and squeezing his shoulder again. “Seriously, thanks so much. Can we meet again tomorrow?”

He smiled and nodded. “Maybe do a mock-interview?”

Anna felt herself lighten. Sven was a good friend, and she was grateful that he wasn’t hitting on her like some of the other players were. “Sounds great.”

She stood straight again and turned to Kristoff. “Kristoff, a pleasure as always.”

“Always. See ya.”

An exaggerated eye roll and then she stalked off, hands gripping the strap of her bag tighter. She felt a burning on her back, and itch on her neck, and she scurried out even faster, a blush rising on her cheeks.

God damn it.

—

Kristoff let out a low whistle as she left. So sue him, she had a great ass and she was wearing these tight, high waisted jeans that did nothing but emphasize it, and boy oh boy he was completely fine with looking. He laughed as she darted out of sight, and turned his attention back to Sven, who was glaring at him with disdain.

“What?” Kristoff grinned, tapping his bottle on the table. “What!”

“You know what, you prick.”

Rolling his eyes and reaching over to steal a fry from Sven’s plate. ”She’s a spoiled little rich girl who doesn’t deserve the job she got.”

Sven kicked him again, eyebrows furrowing. “At least she’s trying! She could just not care.”

Kristoff scoffed, crossing his arms and slumping lower in his chair. Sven was right, but he wouldn’t admit that out loud.

“Look, man,” Sven started, clasping his hands together in front of him on the table. “I know you’re like super weird whenever you feel like something could affect your career, but just…” he rolled his neck, curls bouncing with the movement. “She’s a nice girl, I don’t think she asked for this job. Besides, it’s not like she’s doing anything that’s hard. Just interviewing. Anyone could do that job.”

He let out a hmph before scratching at the back of his head.

“Give her an actual chance, dude.”

Kristoff didn’t know exactly what it was about her that was getting so deep under his skin. It wasn’t just the attraction, right? He’d been attracted to other girls who worked at the rink, and that never got him quite like this.

Was it the threat that she was related to the owner? That letting her get close could just result in more hurt? In career-ending fights?

Or was it the way she could handle him, kick him back down a notch, the sheer fire in her personality that made him sweat with just a glance?

He groaned, leaning forward and pressing his head against the table. “Fine, fine. I’ll…” he swallowed, rolling his head to look up towards Sven with sad little eyes. “I’ll try. But I’m not promising anything.”

Sven clapped a hand on his back, grinning. “It’s all I’m asking for, buddy.”

Let’s see how long this lasts.

—

Eventually he got home, a few drinks later, and sat down in his office to watch back some tapes. He needed to figure out where he was lacking last season and make it better.

At least, that was his intention.

But then he wound up on her social media accounts, and couldn’t stop scrolling. Photo after photo of her in different places, smiling brightly, posing, showing off outfits, and all around just writing about her experiences. Far enough down, there was a photo of her in an L.A. Kings jersey, and he felt his features contort with disgust. Poor choice, in his opinion.

Beyond that she had a few pictures with some assorted players, and he felt like some of his suspicions were being confirmed. A girl like that, looking like she does, surrounded by horny hockey players that would do pretty much anything to have sex with her… there was no way she wasn’t taking advantage of it. Especially with how she posed with them, with how their hands rested low on her hips. Especially with how she was putting herself on display.

That, he realized, was what was bothering him.

She knew he was attracted to her, and fuck he knew she was attracted to him, and she must be plotting. But there was no way. He would not have sex with the owner’s daughter. He would not risk his career like that. No matter how hot she was. Nope.

She would not win.

He’d be nice.

But that was it.

He could handle this, easy peasy.

Until the next day, when Sven asked him to fill in for lunch with Anna, and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

#btpfic #sorry this one is so short #just didnt want to swap back to Anna’s POV again #meh

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skysybil · 5 years ago

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Simulation Masterpost Time

Hi! I decided to make this ask reply its own post because it’s gonna be every haphazard detail I could think of that may or may not allude to it being a simulation--including things within the narrative and things that Sophie and Kevin have been up to.

@josephstern said: “if you guys ever want me to lay out every fucking tiny detail I’ve seen that I think points to it being a simulation, I’ll do that too” please god yes, your post explaining your rankings was super interesting but I’m not sure I’m 100% on board with the theory yet

So here I am! To be fair, I doubt it sometimes too! No theory is going to be totally untouchable and without holes. But I love going apeshit with Conspiracy Brain and exploring stuff like this, so here’s all the evidence I could think of as to why this might be a simulation. But remember it still might not be--I’m hoping everyone getting caught up in this simulation theory doesn’t mean people are going to be upset if it isn’t a simulation. Anyway, suspicious details below the cut!

How did everyone escape the crash (and being kidnapped by scary doppelganger robots) entirely unscathed? Peter’s injury didn’t even get worse in the crash, and they hit the planet’s surface hard. The ship was torn apart--why weren’t they?

Speaking of Peter’s injury, he gets up and walks to Rita’s computer cave despite the fact that he supposedly can’t even stand on his leg (transcript page 14). In my words in the Most Likely To Be An NPC post, “Sure, maybe Juno carried him, but I’d fully expect something like Juno picking him up to be a joke written into the script. I feel like it was deliberately left out.”

Also, the computer cave. Not only did the ship crash, but it crashed into the ocean. How are the computers even remotely functional?

Every character is acting oddly in different ways, but especially Juno. I’m just gonna refer everyone back to the Most Likely to be an NPC post here to cover individual character details. I will say, characters’ unusual behavior is the majority of the theory--Vespa is unusually aggressive, Juno acts vaguely like a golden retriever, Jet’s scene with the car is weird at best (here’s a fuck ton of Jet conversation because he seems to be under a good amount of debate in the theory), etc, so going through those posts is important!

See the Jet posts above for a lot of details about how weird the Ruby 7 scene is, but just in general--how did the Ruby survive the crash? It was bolted to the floor of the ship! I love the Ruby as much as anyone, but I’m just saying it’s weird that it’s not a warped ball of metal right now.

Also, along the lines of ernmark’s post on Rita’s role in the simulation, it’s very suspicious that they just happened to land on a perfectly serene island with everything they could ever need and no issues for food, water, shelter, or supplies.

Agent G refers to the place where the book is being kept as “Morpheus Maximum-Security Data” (transcript pg 35), and then sarcastically says “how imaginative”. Morpheus is the Greek god of dreams. Agent G is likely making a comment about how it’s a little too perfect for the scenario. This is 100% one of the most suspicious pieces of evidence in the bunch, in my opinion.

The general suspicious idea of a strange unknown figure dragging them all (and presumably whole chunks of the ship) from the water. What??

Before Rita has the chance to hack it, the security drone identifies Sneaky, the robot controlled by Peter, as an “unregistered male approximately six feet” (transcript pg 29). How does it know? That’s not information you can get from someone’s voice.

How did a thrown-together rocket made of thrown-together bots make it all the way to this incredibly difficult to reach and enter base (without being noticed at all) in a day? I mean, I love Rita and I think she can do anything if she puts her mind to it, but... really?

The most recent episode of “Writing Fiction Across the Void” with Sophie and Kevin was about writing satisfying endings and twists. They put a hell of a lot of emphasis on unreliable narrators, searching for inconsistencies, and not stopping yourself from making “it was all a dream” storylines if it has support. I feel like they’d enjoy holding that over our heads as a “we tried to warn you! we tried to train you!” thing. They specifically call out a way to signal that something is a dream as a place being “oddly idyllic”--see: why is the island just perfect to crash on?

Despite the fact that every character has a brief description of their entrance every time that they enter a scene in the transcripts, Juno does not have an entrance shown in the script at all when he enters Nureyev’s room acting suspiciously cheery. (Page 17, if you’re curious.) Plus, the transcript was posted late after the episode was dropped--it’s possible that suspicious descriptions like “too eager” had to be cut out of the script before posting it. However, I have not seen the production script for this episode yet, so if there’s something that alludes to this in the production script, feel free to call me out on it.

There’s all the details I can think of off the top of my head. Here’s some of my favorite speculation posts that elaborate on details and theories.

@jitterbug-juno ‘s post talking about some of the back and forth on Juno’s character activity -- the first person I’ve seen talking about how Juno might not be out of character at all!

This discussion from @jitterbug-juno and @iimpavidwrites was what got me hooked on the theory for the first time!

This discussion post from @darling-dearest-detective has some really harrowing ideas, especially regarding Sasha’s role in this and the significance of Peter’s depressing instrument!

And this post from @ernmark that I linked earlier in the post that talks about Rita’s role in this in particular, which is really good.

And here’s all my posts about the simulation theory so far: 1 2 3 4 5 I’m planning to put together another big post on the Juno issue and whether’s he’s in the simulation as an NPC or not, because I’m starting to see some stuff on both sides that fascinates me. So keep an eye out for that!

I hope this was a good collection of evidence for anyone who wanted it! If I missed anything I’ll reblog and add it on, as usual, feel free to ask me things and agree or challenge the points I brought up! I love the discussion and I love y’all. Have a good day!

#i know i'm missing some stuff so seriously send me messages or asks and i'll add stuff #tpp #the penumbra podcast #tpp s3 #tpp s3 spoilers #s3 spoilers #tpp spoilers #tpp junoverse #simulation theory

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artificiary-fr · 5 years ago

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ok so arti’s unnecessary opinion time

Just wanna give a disclaimer that these are just my sort of thoughts in general, and are in no way an attempt to demean, attack, or cause drama about any artist or staff member, or community member. Just kind of what I’ve observed and come to the questions/conclusions of. I got a little opinionated at the end but I tried not to single anyone out save for I think, one unnamed example?

I’ll put everything under the cut here, because I know I have a tendency to get wordy (and spoiler: It did. This is a super long post, I’m sorry). So, here we go...

TL;DR: I like the gene, I’ll wait for the revamp before giving a concrete opinion, there were definitely some issues, I appreciate that staff took note/action, more communication like this or the dev streams is good (though communication between staff/community is a Thing unto itself of which I probably have a Disliked Take on and that was the really long part that isn’t necessary to read)

Okay before anything: the familiars. They’re super pretty! I like the recolors, and now I’m gonna have to grind the Kelp Beds for those boss fams. Dang. I love the kitty golem recolor.

With that out of the way, here we are - the subject of today’s discussions... Glowtail.

So, my first opinion: It’s not a bad gene! I can see some curious use for it, certainly. But there are some problems with it (and yes; I am aware staff has addressed this and pulled it to fix those problems! That’ll be more relevant later on here c: )

Note One: I think I do understand why it is a gem gene. Yes, design/thematically it does appear to fit the bill of a Baldwin Gene more. But I’d like to posit it’s the completion of a gem-gene set - Wasp/Bee/Glowtail. So in that regard, it makes sense!

Note Two: My personal opinion with the gene is that I like it, but it feels... hm. Plain isn’t correct. Like it’s missing something, I guess? I wish the segmenting was a little more prominent, and that the glow or gradient had a little more glitz/glamor, maybe some glitteries around the hips, to really sell it as a gem gene. I do like the glow we have on the other bits of dragon like light reflection, though, because it adds a little bit of dimension! All in all however even so, I do like it, and I won’t cement my opinion until we see what their updated version looks like in the future.

Note Three (The Problems): The art errors. What... what happened here?

As we’ve noticed, male snappers and male tundras are the two big offenders, with large chunks of color erroneously sitting outside the lineart quite noticeably. There is also part of the ‘glow’ (the aforementioned light reflection) that doesn’t make sense - being on parts of the dragon where it shouldn’t be, like on the front of wings where the tail is not in front of said limb, but behind.

But like... how did this not get caught before it got posted? Was it a time crunch, or it just... didn’t get quality checked before this happened? It’s really unfortunate. :c

Something I do with my art - and this is just my own process/thoughts - is when I’ve put down the base color, before I do any shading/highlights/big details, I pop a layer underneath the entire drawing and fill it with a high contrast color to the palette. That way any bits where I missed coloring in - or didn’t clean up outside the lines - becomes super noticeable, and I can fix it then instead of being a problem later. Maybe doing something like this before throwing the gene through the color automation process would’ve helped?

Last Note:

I feel like part of why these errors went unnoticed is because of how often, and sometimes how rushed, some of these updates have been - and this has been more noticeable in this year than otherwise. Is it because of community dissent with wanting more updates creating more crunch? Due to low-attention reticence creating a need for pushing more ad revenue / more “come to the site there’s new”?

I’m unsure, but it’s unfortunate nonetheless. I think staff, and FR as a whole, would benefit from like... hm. How to word this...

Maybe taking more time on updates / a more extended schedule so things aren’t as crunch (of course this being said, I don’t know what the workload is like so I can’t even say if crunch is applicable), and more open communication? Like how the dev streams were going - that was pretty well liked and everyone I know got pretty excited to see em and how the art was doing. It also opened up the avenue for more open communication / more nuanced opinions or thoughts.

---

But herein lies the huge issue, I think, with communication. This is the part where I’d like to reiterate, this is just my observations, and is not intended as an attack, a vaguepost, or deliberate callout at anybody. There’s no malicious intent here. This bit could also be construed as drama I suppose, and I apologize for that because again - not the intent. Just my take.

I’ve noticed posts going ‘no drama please’ or being tired when new updates come out of like, ‘oh boy here comes the negativity’ so I don’t think it’s just me who’s seen it, but have you guys noticed when anything new comes out, there’s an immediate rush of extreme salt and negativity?

And I don’t mean posts where its like “it’s not for me” or “I don’t like it but here’s [detailed/explained reason why]” - those are the nuanced opinions I mean. Those are fine. I mean the ones where people in forums, or on the more prolific drama blogs, are just.... mean/empty? Like “FUCK staff I hate how lazy they are with this it’s shitty looking” - that really vocal generally super salty in general minority of the community. Just hate without explanation, or just kind of aimless generalized attack/complaint.

I think that’s where communication with Staff fell off the bandwagon. The really loud, really vocal minority of folks who throw super salt or yell “This Sucks You Suck” completely overshadow the people who are well intentioned with sharing their opinions or problems/criticisms. The toxic bits and really vitriolic words are what gets seen and noticed. I think this is the majority of what gets heard, which is why communication got so closed off / shut down unless positive, in recent times. Do I agree with that? No, I don’t either - but I’m just looking at this from the outside. Idk how staff feels or thinks.

And this goes for both people who don’t like the content, and people that do.

Remember that the Keel thread got locked because someone who was white-knighting started getting real nasty with people in the thread, and going to extremes insulting artists who did mock-ups to help visualize their thoughts/opinions and was just being a real douche?

What I really wish was that we could have more open communication. Some of the things I really liked to see were like: Dev Streams, Community Updates/Q&A, Opinion Polls, That Update Progress on Breed/Gene Progress from a while back. All of that was excellent. And I like to see the community responding in well thought out ways! I like to see staff more hands on too! We’re only human and love this site and our dragons and want to see it at it’s best - but they’re also only human, and make mistakes, and we don’t know what’s goin on in there, just out here.

Trello is a really good way to kind of show that communication, and is transparent, but isn’t free-to-use for businesses, so... of course I also don’t know how Stormlight Workshop runs their business/hours so I’m just blowing hot smoke. But anyway, I think everyone would benefit from slowing down and opening up. If things are going slow, that’s okay - if Staff opens up to the community and says “This is taking longer than expected, but here’s upcoming releases / current in-progresses” I think we’d be like oh okay things are happening and it’ll be nice! As compared to everyone gets super antsy, nothing’s happening, no-one is talking... and then we get hit with a bunch of updates, some of which, like today’s, have... issues.

Of course then I worry that with more open talking or “we’re experiencing delays” the more vitriolic will get even angrier/saltier which doesn’t... help... but I mean... yeah.

ANYWAY so I’ve written a full dissertation essay here without really intending to (see? I warned y’all! I ramble/don’t shut up ahahaha) so I’m gonna just stop myself here before I start going in circles. This last chunk I don’t really know what the meat of what I was trying to say was, now, I think. Sorry about that. It was just “here’s my stream of consciousness” apparently ^^;;;;

Have a good evening y’all! Thanks for listenin’ to my (rant?) if y’all made it this far. You’re appreciated and thank you for letting me bend your ears! Stay safe in this crazy world, hang in there, and have a good one!

#so i wrote a literal novel under the cut most of which can probably be ignored #but i do wanna say im not attacking the community in defense of staff #staff has made missteps and mistakes and doesn't handle some things the way they should #im just noting some things ive noticed that i feel like correlate #am i gonna make people really mad at me? oh probably #i hope not but idk #arti parties #update opinion #long post

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sadisim · 5 years ago

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Coming full circle: 2 years later

I want to start off this post by saying that this is no tea, shade, drama, subpost or whatever other name you want to find for this. This is my most sincere and last message that I will post on my blog. This is why I want to apologize in advance for the ridiculous length of this and I want every reader to be considerate, understanding, open and as objective as they possibly can in this matter.

I will not tolerate any hate sent towards me or the person I am about to mention nor any curious anons asking to “spill the tea” or anything of that nature. If you have any questions my inbox is always open and you are free to directly message me to discuss further. ^_^ /)

Now that we got that out of the way... I will tell you all a little story about my relationship with Frankie (gruesim or simplyimaginarypeople, however you want to call her)

If any of y’all simblr veterans know me for a long time, you surely know I’ve been here for about 6 years or so. I joined this website when I was around 13 years of age, and naturally as any 13 year old I immediately looked up to people who were more talented than me. One of those very people was Frankie herself. I respected her highly, admired her for all her hard work, discipline, talent for meshing from the very beginning and I am extremely thankful to her for all the help she has offered me throughout the years.

I wanted to be like her. I wanted to mesh and have something to give to Simblr. I wanted to become popular and cool and constantly compared myself to her. Like any teenager would when they admire someone older than them.

You can imagine I grew up with time and I became less and less of a child, maturing and forming my own opinions etc. But I was still pretty gullible and easy to fool back then. So I blindly trusted Frankie and supported her in everything she did, no matter what other people around me were telling me about her. Above all I considered her a friend. A very close one that is. But I am never sure what she considered me to be. I don’t blame her though, I was pretty stupid and annoying when she knew me back then so I don’t mind it at all. However I wish that she had explicitly told me instead. I was always supportive and I remember all of our chats ran dry most of the time with me constantly asking her how she’s doing, admiring and supporting her and her being very distant and cold. I remember at some point she mentioned she cares for me as a friend but I felt like at the time that she didn’t truly mean it. I never knew if she were like this just with me or if she was like that with everyone. But she was absolutely impossible to approach on my end. At least that’s what a teenager me thought at that time. I can be completely wrong about this. And that’s fine.

Growing up more and more I came to terms with the fact that maybe she just disliked me for some reason I didn’t know. Maybe I was too young for her to be friends with, maybe we had a communication barrier of sorts. So I slowly drifted away…running from my problems instead of confronting her.

That was my biggest mistake and fault.

I wish I had the power then that I have now, to confront people directly and tell them how I feel with no filters or sugarcoating.

But back then sugarcoating was the safest form of escape for me. There is nothing sweeter than pretending everything is okay when it isn’t, just to get away from an uncomfortable situation. All of y’all socially anxious people definitely know what I mean by this.

Sugarcoating was my second and most fatal mistake of all within our relationship.

I fully assume my wrongdoings and past mistakes and I want to let you know that I have realized what I did not do right back then. If I could turn back time I would do something entirely different, but that’s not possible. We learn from our past, don’t we? That’s what I’ve been slowly doing in the past few years. ^_^

My falling out with Frankie happened around two years ago. I had started a Patreon for my writing combined with some sims ( pose making, skin making etc )She was clearly not happy about it. She was one of the first people who disagreed with me on it. I appreciated her input and never told her that it bothered me so that she didn’t think that I was “one of those people” who ask for money for content so I just sugarcoated everything as I always did. I remember her saying that she “is not a fan of Patreon as long as it’s not against EA” which I 100% agree with, I never intended to lock cc behind a paywall. I would just release stuff later on, probably in 2-3 weeks’ time. However I remember very clearly that she stated how “it would be still exclusive and that it’s no longer a donation instead it’s buying”

I really didn’t like that she was saying those things to me, I remember feeling disappointed. So because I didn’t want to anger her because I really looked up to her and I feared we might fight, I took down my Patreon and got a Ko-fi instead. I’m extremely thankful to everyone who donated, it’s helped me lots! She seemed to be happy about Ko-fi and i was happy i could please her and solve the problem. I never knew why she hated Patreon so much, to me Ko fi was exactly identical to Patreon. Just another name for donations.

This was the first time that Frankie’s shot a bullet in the way I viewed her. At that time she was starting to gain a lot of influence in the community because of her hard work and dedication and she was leading a very public campaign against Patreon. She’s said some things back then which heavily contrast her current views on Patreon, donations or cc locked behind a temporary wall.

She’s said multiple times, publicly and privately how she “hates everything exclusive” but as years passed by I sometimes saw her on my dashboard, despite not following her on tumblr. I couldn’t help but notice how she seemed to me that she helps those very close to her only and seems to not bat an eye about patreon/timed exclusive content to some people I’ve seen interacting with her– Listen, I know that this might come across as harsh or salty but I mentioned before that I don’t think she’s seen me as a friend. I was not part of her inner circle, nor did we have very deep talks about many things in particular. It just really hurt me to see this happening, while behind closed doors, two years ago she’d bashed me for wanting to make a patreon instead of just asking for donations (it was the same exact thing to me…)

While this subject is still up I’d like to mention the drama that took place a bit earlier this month. The whole hair thing. I have very hardly abstained from saying anything or intervening within the drama because i have biased opinions about her based on my past experience with her. So I didn’t want to come across as harsh, rude or disrespectful to her because of my feelings towards her and didn’t want to portray her in a biased light. The people who know, know what my opinion on the whole drama was. It’s unnecessary to tell you what I think about it since it’s no longer around. But I’d just want to say that for me it felt like all of her constant contradictions were falling apart and truth was starting to get to the surface. I felt like this situation was going to teach her a lesson, and I surely hope she’s learned. She’s not a horrible person. She’s never had malicious intent. I just think that she never really knew quite well how to handle social situations. This isn’t the first time Frankie’s taken a break from simblr.

Perhaps her views have changed over the past few years. I know mine did a lot, so I don’t blame her if she no longer believes in the things she’s said before. People change all the time for the better or worse and it’s not something unusual. My problem here is that she’s never quite explained why she’s changed her opinions, nor did she justify her behaviour towards me at the time and other people involved who had the same experience with her. I just sort of wish that we had gotten some sort of apology, or an explanation from her after a while…anything would have made us happy. But she never did, so we moved on and kept on ignoring her, praying that we don’t ever have to interact again while watching her from afar doing things that were sort of questionable and didn’t rub us in the right way at all. But I kept silent because people support and love her, and I didn’t want to stir drama. It would have meant setting a hornet’s nest on fire and jumping right into it. Which is why I’ve never gone public about this in the first place. I just wanted to make sure that the heat of the drama was gone before i posted this. I felt like it would have been unfair to her to ‘attack’ her with this during the whole thing.

The next time that I started getting off vibes from her was the whole Simscord thing. She joined us, I remember that clearly, she’d post in the sims 3 channel now and then but she would most of the time be in the help channel. She’d never ignore anyone and seemed to become some helper that everyone’s seen her as. So everyone went to her for help, which is what she’s always done for the community: help. It’s not easy work to help others solve their problems, which is why I respect her for it. However I don’t understand why she’s left Simscord and then proceeded to tell me she was ‘constantly ignored’ and ‘only seen as a helper’ by others. And then she proceeded to turn her blog into a help blog for every single question that every single anon needed but NEVER complained about how ignored she is or how she’s only seen as a helper then. She’s sort of criticised Simscord on multiple times before, very passively aggressively with comments like “Why does Simscord have exclusive tutorials? Isn’t that sucky for the people who don’t like joining public chats ?” I eventually posted all the ‘exclusive tutorials’ a bit later that i wrote for Simscord onto my blog. they are still up and you can find them. This did not really make me happy when the whole SSFF thing started taking off and she did not admit that she was blocking access to cc from people who were too socially anxious to do any of the challenges. But we’ll get to that later. That’s just one of the things I can remember … again I’m saying this once more: she might have changed her view since then so I don’t blame her if she thinks differently. I just blame her past self for the way she’s acted in the whole thing. That’s all. It seemed to me that she’s never quite liked Simscord in the first place and kept trying to find ways to dismiss its usefulness. It’s always brought me down because us, the admins, were doing our best to keep Simscord alive, equal and fun to everyone whether they liked talking with us there or not. It felt like a blow to my self-esteem for the time and effort I’d put into Simscord as an admin. I know very well it’s not perfect and it can’t be. Admins are humans just like everyone. We can’t force people to act a certain way just because we want to.

The next time we had a conflict it was “fatal” for your relationship. It was when we parted ways completely and haven’t spoken directly since. Here is where my biggest fault comes in: not confronting her and being straightforward about how she made me feel. She was angry with me because “I’d changed”. I was apparently “a different person” because I was starting to be myself more on my blog, stopping to sugarcoat things so much…I was trying my best to get out of my childish shell of agreeing with everyone just to avoid conflict and duck confrontation with people when we couldn’t agree. I remember receiving an anonymous message around that time from someone who told me that “I changed” . I was very saddened by the message, I remember I actually cried when I received it. I did not understand why that anonymous person saw me as ‘changed’. I was just being myself and trying to grow and shape and break free from the cute, innocent angel persona that I had created for myself. Sorta like Miley when she had that crazy post Disney phase lol. Im joking now but it’s for real. Then I connected that anon message to her and I am still suspecting today that it might have been her, or someone from her inner circle but then again i could be wrong about this. She had also told me clearly how she “talked to other people who confirmed my change.” I never knew who these people were. Why were they talking behind my back? Why were they not directly telling me into my face that “I changed” if they knew me so well? I highly doubt they knew me at all. Or perhaps there were no “other people”. Perhaps she had made that up just to add to her argument. I’ll never know.

I supported her in the whole drama with The Together Store because I was still admiring her for her work and passion and I still refused to see the doubtful things that people were accusing her of doing. I remember very clearly how I messaged her when she announced her hiatus, supporting her and telling her I’m there for her, not even willing to listen to The Together Store’s side of the story (If any of you guys are reading this please reach out to me, I can’t remember your urls. I’d like to apologize personally!) and she just told me that she doesn’t need my support, she’s not bullied and she doesn’t need help. That put a knife in my chest. I know she was just being angry in that moment. She eventually apologized for her harsh words but I never told her how they made me feel then. Another mistake on my end. I kept adding and adding to the idea of supporting her and she simply said that “she needs people to change the way they act”. I kept adding fuel to the conversation but it went nowhere. In one of the last messages from her I remember she explicitly told me that “It’s attitudes like mine that made her leave” and after that I could take no more blows. I knew then deep down my heart that I did not like her attitude but I decided to simply be nice, continue to wrongly sugarcoat the words I wanted to tell her, block her and move on. She was constantly adding in how she saw me as some sort of… Simblr Leader? I never understood what she meant by that. Never. “I don't respect the way you are handling your position as a community leader. Its been super sad to watch such a kind and sweet person get influenced by all this and I wish it were different” - This is a direct quote from her. I have yet to understand what this all means today. I don’t know what “Influenced by all” means. I have no idea where she got the idea that I am or was a community leader by any means. Surely, I used to have much more influence two years ago. I had thousands of followers, talked to hundreds of people. But I was not a leader. I surely didn’t consider myself that way nor ever said i am one.

I know I handled the situation terribly. Yet again I take complete responsibility for my mistakes and I wish I could gather the courage to reach out to her instead. But we parted ways, by agreeing to disagree and moved on with our lives. I’ve been avoiding her from my dash actively by blocking her username and just stayed away as much as possible. I thought about it many times, to message her…to reach out and talk and be open about my mistakes. But I’ve always gotten a bit anxious the way she might understand this and respond. I know she’s had a distant tone when talking to me before and i did not want to get anxious. So i just hoped i’d get the chance to talk about this someday.

So in the years that came after that I watched her expand, grow and shape her simblr, her projects. She started becoming the very thing that she swore to destroy (very poetic but im making a reference to that one meme. Yall edgelords know what im talkin about). There was SimblrSimplyForFun that pissed me off with the idea of exclusivity that she was so aggressive towards me about but she ended up doing herself- i remember people talking about how they don’t like the idea of challenges and interacting with others just to get ‘a treat’. She was even sent anonymous questions about this very matter: what are socially anxious people going to do? We can’t just interact with others like normal people. I don’t remember her exact response but I think it was something that brushed off the anon. Then came the drama with the hairs. It was the last drop for me. I wanted to let it all go. It’s been awful to hold this in for so long. She took it upon herself to change an entire community by implementing all these projects, which in idea are super fun and cool and really help connect people, but she was doing all the work by herself and kept on burdening herself with every challenge and piece of cc released. She had hundreds and hundreds of projects, videos, tutorials and cc released in the span of two years that were monstrously over encumbering her with so much responsibility to “change simblr” that she got swallowed in this dark pit of becoming a vessel for change and it ended up overwhelming her to the point where she left. That’s just how I see things from the outside. It doesn’t mean I’m right and you can contradict me on this, I’d gladly listen. She’s done so much for us all, a help that nobody else was willing to give and I am thankful for all her dedication and time spent doing these things. But reading her goodbye message made me realize how she’s seen Simblr more as a job than anything else. She was becoming the “leader” she was trying to enforce on me but it was no easy job. To me Simblr is fun, it’s a hobby. It’s somewhere I come to see creativity and catch up with old mutuals. Nothing more than that. If i can help people i definitely will, if it’s within my knowledge and free time. I don’t want my kindness/selflessness be seen as some sort of sacrifice i make as a “leader of the community”. That’s just my opinion. I feel like she really deserved a break and some time away to clear up her mind, relax and think. I hope she finds the peace she seeks!

I have stayed put form talking about this. As soon as the whole drama with the hairs got out I knew it was gonna be a big blow on her blog. I just didn’t want to add fuel to the fire and that’s why I am posting this only now.. I just wanted to tell my story that I kept in for two long years and that I’ve struggled to come to terms with until now.

If you’re reading this Frankie, I’m sorry about the mistakes I made and that I didn’t tell you how I truly felt. It’s probably late, but it’s never too late to apologize for my behavior.

I understand people might not agree with me or my side of the story, that’s totally fine. I just wanted to clear things up because I have many people here I talk to that have asked me before why I don’t interact with Frankie or avoid her. I hope that this explanation is everything you need to clear things up ^_^ Anyone who I’ve personally hurt, attacked or wronged is free to unfollow me or block me away, that is totally fine and acceptable, or perhaps if you want to talk about things I’m always here to listen and discuss.

Ever since this thing happened it’s left me pretty bitter about making new friends here. Which is why I’ve just set a limit to myself to just remain ‘mutuals’ with many people and nothing more or less. It’s why I’ve been colder and colder with every year and refused to do many collabs or ships or whatever. I just have matured and grew up and I do not have much time anymore for any of these things. My IRL is full of problems that I am not willing to discuss here because they don’t concern anyone. I’ve come here just to tell my story and that’s the last personal post I’ll probably ever make on my blog.

Thankyou all for reading this extremely long post and bearing with me!

#nonsims #personal

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garyofrivia · 5 years ago

Text

For They Shall Be Satisfied

Arthur Morgan x OC

 Chapter 4

(masterlist in bio)

A/N: boy howdy, it’s been a minute on this one, huh? i’ve decided to not post this on AO3 anymore due to incredible typos and posting issues that i ran into. also, if you want to check out the other chapters, check my bio/page for the masterlist! i’m pretty sure tumblr is still weird with links in posts so this is likely how i’m going to handle chapter postings from now on. thanks to whoever reads, feel free to lmk what you think! i want to keep this one going for as long as i can... hopefully. Annie is a special one. enjoy <3

Warnings/Categories: Violence, Blood; Angst

(WC: 6,037)

“You boys ready to ride tonight?” Dutch boomed as he slung his saddle over The Count’s back. Annie looked up as she combed out Nero’s tail, studying Dutch as he worked.

“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Davey said, raising his hand in a mock salute while Mac giggled at his brother’s antics. Dutch just winked at the pair of them and carried on with his business.

Annie and the rest of the gunmen stood around talking for a while, double and triple checking their guns and ammo as they waited for the sun to sink down over the horizon. The temperature would surely drop once night fell, so she slipped on her dark jacket over a black shirt. Even on a ridge, her dark outfit would help her blend into her surroundings once the sun went down.

They decided to go with the original idea: three groups with three lookouts ready to raise the alarm at any sign of danger. They were to meet Benson and his men at the crossroads and head to the ambush site together. It was strange, being so uneasy about the plan. It was her idea, sure, but it wasn’t a good idea to move on it at all. The sunset caught her eye for a moment, all the orangey-red colors erupting over the Earth as a moment of clarity came over her. She couldn’t be distracted if she wanted this to turn out well. It was a silent promise she made to herself.

“It’s more beautiful that I’ve seen in a while,” Charles said, joining her at her side as she gazed at the horizon.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen it this red in quite some time.” Annie said, glancing at him as she absentmindedly adjusted the buckles on her saddlebags.

“Supposedly that means we’ll be getting good weather soon.”

“Good weather? Here? That’s likely.”

Charles chuckled lightly and returned his attention to oiling his gun. Annie caught Arthur’s eye as he was saddling Boadicea, strapping the girth as tight as he could. He hadn’t said much to her outside of hesitantly discussing details for the job. He glanced at Charles as he stalked away, and then back at Annie with a new look of tension in his eyes. She watched him angrily jam the buckle into place on his saddle and begin to adjust the rest of his gear.

“You good, Morgan?” she called.

He didn’t look up to meet her eyes. “Yep. You?”

“Yep.”

“Great.”

Annie nodded and hid a sly smile. Whatever he was upset about, it was something trivial for sure. He wasn’t one to keep his opinions to himself unless it meant he knew it was about something foolish. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, she bit her tongue as she thought of ways she could eventually confront him about his sour mood as of late.

“What are you laughin’ at, Princess?” Micah drawled, making Annie’s skin crawl.

“I caught a glimpse of your ugly damn face,” she said, eliciting a snicker or two in the background. “Couldn’t quite help myself.”

“Yeah, ha-ha, very funny. You’ll be thinkin’ about my face tonight in your dreams… amongst other things.”

Sean and Charles snapped their heads up in horror to watch what would happen next, but Annie simply chuckled. “You’re right! I’ll be dreamin’ about your face and how twisted it’ll look when I’m skinnin’ you alive.”

Micah laughed. “You’re a little firecracker, ain’t you?”

“Micah,” Dutch warned. “You keep provoking her like that, I’ll be tempted to cut her loose on you.”

Annie tauntingly snapped her teeth at him as he stalked away to finish readying up. Dutch shot her a knowing smile and she just shrugged. Even though he was newer to the gang, it was a common thing for Micah to let his mouth run longer than anyone wanted to hear it, especially if it was directed toward Lenny, Charles or any of the women. Annie enjoyed putting him in his place, though admittedly, he figured out how to push her buttons fairly quickly. It was almost admirable.

By the time the gang had shared cigarettes and a small bite to eat, it was dusk and Dutch called for them to mount up. As they took formation to ride off, Annie nodded to Karen who winked and cocked her shotgun to assume her place guarding camp. “Come back safe, y’all!”

“Men! Let’s ride!” Dutch bellowed and spurred The Count to a gallop and the wild faces of the Van der Linde Gang cheered and took off after him.

The thunder of thirteen horses racing across the plains would have been a fearsome sight to anyone. The ground trembled as they moved swiftly up the road in a tight two-by-two formation with Dutch at the head, Hosea and Arthur just behind him, and John and Annie taking up the rear. The rendezvous point was about a forty-minute ride north, though, it felt longer with the building anxiety in the air, no matter how hard Annie tried to ignore it. Arthur and Dutch began exchanging words up ahead, slowing the pace to a steady jog as they neared the location. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” John mumbled, low enough for only her to hear.

“Yeah,” she said, glancing over to meet his fickle eyes. “Me too. I… Let’s just get it over with.”

John looked nervous, but he nodded in agreement all the same. For a moment, she swore she saw Jack’s face flash before her. John had to stay safe for his son’s sake, if not his own.

Their posse moved at a steady pace down the road and with a glance around at the surrounding landscape, Annie knew they were getting close. Eventually, she heard a familiar whistle from up front. The riders slowed as Benson and a few of his men came into view just ahead on horseback.

“Hello, gentlemen,” Dutch said, riding up next to them.

“Mister Kilgore, so nice to see you again!” Benson said.

“I believe we can be straight with each other now, Mister Benson,” Dutch said, sliding down from The Count.

Benson sighed, resigning himself to the failure of his ruse. “Yes, I agree, Mister Van der Linde. I trust we can count on each other’s discretion.”

“Glad to see we have an understanding, then.”

“Certainly. Shall we proceed?”

“Of course.”

Annie was surprised to see that he only had three men with him. Though, that’s most likely why his “employer” was seeking the help of outlaws. He tensed when he recognized her, but he managed to smile politely. She tipped her hat and smirked, subtly reminding him that he was outnumbered if he felt the need to try anything.

Dutch confirmed the details of their plan and the diversion with Benson. There was an old abandoned house a few hundred yards off the road from where they would launch the ambush. Benson’s men would blow it up and make sure it caught fire to catch the attention of the escorts that were now all suspected to be lawmen.

“Lawmen?” Dutch asked suspiciously. “All of them?”

“We have scouts along the route,” Benson said. “In Van Horne, they traded their hired guns for deputies. Not to worry, this shouldn’t change a thing. In fact, we can use this to our advantage. Deputies will be more inclined to answer a call for help along their journey. It will work.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that it’ll work,” Dutch said. “I’m sure everything will go according to plan.”

“Indeed, Mister Van der Linde, it shall.”

“What my friend here is too polite to say,” Annie said and cleared her throat, drawing everyone’s attention to her, “is that if it don’t go according to plan, you’ll be the first one we come lookin’ for.”

Dutch turned back to Benson and clapped him on the shoulder. “She’s right, I am too polite to say it. But we have… an understanding. So surely that is not a situation that we will come across.”

Benson avoided her eyes and cleared his throat. “I assure you, I anticipate this to go off without a hitch. I know you all to be true to your word.”

Dutch laughed and mounted his horse. “Yes, that we are, my friend. Let’s get this show on the road, then! Shall we?”

“Alright, everyone split off,” Arthur said. “Mac, Bill, Hosea, Javier you’re with me. John, Lenny, and Davey, you’ll go with Dutch and Charles, Sean, and Micah are with Annie.”

“Cream of the crop,” Micah grumbled to himself but loud enough for everyone to hear. Annie glared at him as he rode over to join her, Sean and Charles not far behind. “Who organized these damn groups, anyways?”

“I did,” Annie deadpanned. She wanted to keep an eye on the loose cannon of the crew and Hosea had been more than happy to let her take that responsibility.

“Aw, you really are sweet on me, ain’t ya?” he winked at her.

Charles groaned and Sean chuckled. “Last person she’d be sweet on is you, ya ol’ sack o’ shit.”

Annie chuckled quietly. She always had a fondness for Sean and his lack of a social filter. Silently, she motioned for her counterparts to follow and started off to the top of the northernmost hill.

“Watch for Hosea’s signal,” Annie said. They could see the silhouettes of the men on the opposite ridge illuminated in the moonlight, one of them waving. She waved back to confirm they were in view.

“This could take a while,” Sean groaned.

“Yes, and you’d do well to keep quiet,” Charles said.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Ambush, or whatever. That Benson fella seems a bit curious, don’t ya think?”

“Shut up, Sean,” Annie said.

“I’m jus’ sayin’.”

“Hmm, I agree,” Charles added. “He was a bit fidgety. This could turn out to be more than it seems.”

“I’m countin’ on it,” Annie mumbled.

“That why it took so damn long for you fools to jump on this thing?” Micah asked.

“Shut your damn mouth and focus, idiot,” she snapped, shooting him a glare that could kill.

They finally fell silent and Annie turned her attention to the horizon where the house was set to blow. Any minute, they would be coming up on the horizon...

There they are. About a mile off, she saw the first of the riders pull into view, illuminated by their lantern lights. She counted six escorts and four wagons. Hosea waved his hat and she returned the gesture and while Lenny was out of view, she prayed he saw him.

“Here we go,” she said. “Masks up.”

“Oh, I’m fuckin’ ready,” Sean said, bouncing in his saddle.

Waiting for them to get in range seemed as if it took forever. Annie’s heart quickened with each passing moment, filling her with anxiety where there’d usually be adrenaline. The seconds ticked by excruciatingly slow, yet so incredibly fast. She could feel the tidal wave of chaos building and building, waiting to crash down into the gully at any second.

Hosea and he gave the first signal to Benson’s men, waving his white handkerchief. Within a few seconds, there was a massive explosion on the ridge behind him. The fire was quick to start, illuminating their silhouettes against the night sky with a haunting orange glow. Annie heard voices, Benson’s men, calling for “help”. The caravan stopped in its tracks and all but one rider took off immediately. She was almost shocked that it worked.

Hosea waved the rag in the air once more. Show time.

Annie sucked in a breath. “You’re up, boys. Get goin’.”

Micah, Sean, and Charles raced down the hill to meet the rest of their Van der Linde counterparts and Annie whipped out her sniper rifle. She’d removed the scope since it would just limit her visibility in the darkness of the new moon - It’s a trick she learned while hunting at night, even though it was far more difficult to hit a shot without the proper sights for most everyone. But she wasn’t most everyone.

The fire in the background illuminated the scene ever so slightly as the horizon glowed like an inferno. She scanned the terrain, alternating between her binoculars and bare eyes, looking for any sign of movement. They were clear for now, so long as they worked fast.

She kept on looking up and down the road and back at the gang. At the hills. Towards the horizon. Nothing. It seemed too good to be true. Surely someone would have heard the blast and would come to investigate. How much time had passed? It felt like it’d been an eternity.

The sound of snapping twigs behind her nearly made her jump out of her own skin. She whipped around, frantically shoving the bolt action of the rifle into place and bringing her grip up to aim.

“Who’s there?” she demanded a bit too loudly.

“Don’t shoot,” a familiar voice said softly.

“What the hell?” Madelyn.

The girl stepped into view from behind a tree. Her hands were raised in surrender and her fingers were trembling in fear. Even though Annie could barely see her face, it was certain that she was terrified out of her mind.

“Give me one goddamn reason I shouldn’t shoot you right here,” Annie threatened in a low voice.

“They’re comin’. The O’Driscolls, t-they know about the job.”

“What?”

“They… took me… and I-I was-. They’re comin’. You gotta get outta here. They wanna kill the lot of ya.”

“Why should I listen to you?”

She seemed exasperated and desperate as she spoke.“Why the hell else would I come up to you like this? I ain’t got no gun. I’m just tryin’a help.”

Annie thought for a split second. She was right, but nevertheless. this could be a ploy. Though, then there’d be no way Colm would ever pass up an opportunity for 10,000 dollars to risk sending someone to warn them as a distraction.

Annie made a split second decision, one that likely saved the lives of everyone in the Van Der Linde gang that night. She barely noticed Madelyn flinch as she swiftly traded her rifle for her revolver. She turned her aim to the sky and fired three times. She turned toward the road to make sure the boys were preparing to make their escape.

When a few moments passed, her stomach started to churn. No one was leaving. She heard someone shout but couldn’t make out who or what they said. She looked up to where Hosea should have been, but he was sprinting down the hill on horseback. She jumped into action, leaving Madelyn in the dust.

“What the hell is going on?” She heard Hosea yell as she rode up. “You heard the signal! We need to move!”

“We’re almost… finished,” Dutch panted as he slung the first saddlebag full of cash onto his shoulder.

“What is it, Annie?” Charles asked uneasily. “Why’d you sound it off?”

“It’s Colm,” she breathed. She could hear her own heart pounding in her ears. “He’s here.”

“Goddamnit!” Arthur cursed, kicking the wheel of a wagon. “That English bastard set us up.” “You seen ‘em yourself?” Micah said.

“That girl from the saloon found us and warned me. We gotta get outta here, now.”

“Annie, you can’t be serious,” Dutch said.

“Dutch, we don’t have time for this,” Annie said. “Why would she risk tellin’ me if it weren’t honest?”

“We stick to the plan,” Hosea declared, before Dutch could protest. “Split up everyone, and meet back at camp. C’mon!” He kicked his horse to a sprint. Lenny immediately followed, while Charles, Davey, and Mac swung up on their horses and chased after them. Javier hesitated, looking between them and Dutch, but eventually decided to take off.

“Damn it! We were so close,” Dutch said. He went to swing the saddlebag over his horse’s back, but a shot suddenly rang out through the pass. The bag exploded next to Dutch’s head, sending cash and coins flying in every direction. The Count reared, neighing loudly. Nero, as steady as he usually was, had also been spooked and started to pace. Annie tried to calm him as she turned and saw a horde indistinguishable silhouettes swarming the road from the west.

“Go, get outta here! Now!” Annie cried.

The remaining members of the gang jumped onto their horse’s back and took off in the opposite direction. She glanced over her shoulder and watched as Boadicea carried Arthur down the dark road. Everyone was in the clear. Wait… Not everyone.

Annie raced back up the hill. She didn’t know what came over her, but she knew she had to help Madelyn. If the O’Driscoll boys found her after she helped them, they’d most definitely kill her. Or worse.

She halted next to Madelyn and reached down with a steady hand. “Get on.”

“What? Why are you helping me?”

“Christ sake, get on the horse or get killed, I don’t rightly care.”

Madelyn nodded and hastily hoisted herself into the saddle behind Annie. She kicked Nero to a gallop and they started to make their retreat.

A shot rang out.

Annie cried out in pain and involuntarily kicked Nero’s side, making him skid into a sharp left turn. She toppled off his back and hit the ground with a thud, rolling clumsily to a stop, face down in the dirt. An indescribable pain overtook her body and her worst fear had been realized.

“Fuck! Fuck, I’m hit!”

Madelyn yelped and struggled to stay stop Nero’s back, but she gripped the reins so he would stop pacing nervously. “Shit! Are you okay?”

Annie ignored her and struggled to her feet, clutching her side where the bullet had torn apart her flesh - in through her back and out the other side. Warm blood was quickly soaking the inside of her shirt and started to pool where it was tucked into her pants. This ain’t good. This ain’t good, at all. She poked a finger through the hole in her jacket and groaned.

“Damn it, this is my favorite one,” she muttered. Her vision narrowed and everything suddenly seemed slower as the adrenaline started to kick in.

“What do we do?”

“You know how to ride a horse?”

“Y-yes.”

“Help me up, then.”

Maddie shifted her position into the saddle and held out a hand for Annie. She sucked in a breath and lifted herself onto her horse’s back, grunting as she held back a scream of agony. Her abdominal muscles were shredded just below her rib cage and she silently prayed that nothing important was harmed.

“Jesus Christ,” she growled through gritted teeth. They were chattering with the tension in the rest of her body, her mind getting blurrier with each wave of adrenaline being pumped through her veins. “Go that way ‘till you hit the river. Don’t stop.”

Doing as she was told, Madelyn urged Nero to a sprint and Annie clutched her side, trying to keep the bleeding to a minimum and to keep her balance on horseback without stirrups.

She took a breath and clenched her jaw. In a flash of urgency, she turned behind her and fired in the direction of the pursuing O’Driscolls, managing to tag one on the shoulder and knock him off balance. Aiming as steadily as she could, she fired again and brought him to the ground. She snapped her sights on the next target like she was aiming down a long tunnel. All she could hear was the sound of her own gun as it went off in her hand again and again.

BANG. BANG. Click. Reload.

Frantically, she grabbed six rounds from her belt and shoved them into the cylinder as fast as her fingers could manage. The pain - or maybe the blood loss - was blinding. Her vision was fading, slowly… and then quickly, in and out. One more shot. One more.

One more… Another rider toppled off their horse as she found her mark.

“Keep goin’,” she grunted as Nero started to slow his pace. They’d been running for a while and he wasn’t used to carrying two passengers.

C’mon boy. You can do it. She started to fire blindly to cover their backs, again and again. Her hands were shaky and slick with blood. Fumbling a bit more with her gun, gasping and grunting through gritted teeth, a few rounds slipped from her fingers as she reloaded. Focus. Focus, focus, focus… Feeling more and more unsteady, she gripped the saddle and tried to regain balance.

“You alright back there? Annie?”

She shook herself to consciousness. “They still chasin’ us?”

“No, they’re gone. I think you scared ‘em off.”

Annie tried opening her eyes, but she couldn’t even lift her forehead off Madelyn’s shoulder. “Keep… goin’.”

Each stride her horse took was a dull stab of agony. The constant movement was ripping apart each attempt her body was making to stop the bleeding. She didn’t even realized she’d fallen until she slammed into the ground like a sack of grain. It was a haze. The stars in the night sky swirled around her as if she was at the bottom of a tornado, looking up into the spiraling whirlwind of chaos.

“Annie! Shit!”

“Bedroll…”

“What-.”

“Bedroll. Get it… and a shirt… in the saddlebag.”

Madelyn did as she was told and retrieved the bedroll and extra shirt. She and spread the roll out and tried to help her move on top of it, but she swatted her hands away. Grunting, Annie took out her hunting knife and managed to cut out a long strip of the padded canvas, slicing it in half, working with her eyes half open and her whole world spinning.

“I can do this,” Madelyn said, trying to take the knife from her.

“No just-,” Annie groaned. “Help me patch it up.”

The blood on her black shirt made it look like an oil slick, as if she was an automobile leaking fuel. Maddie lifted it and there was a flood of red. It stuck to her fingers like tree sap, thickening every time she touched the fresher blood that oozed from the wound. She carefully placed the canvas padding on the dime sized opening in Annie’s abdomen. It was a scary thing that something so small could cause so much trouble.

“I’m going to roll over,” Annie mumbled, “and you need to get the other one on my back.”

Madelyn nodded and gulped, her hands shaking uncontrollably. She inhaled sharply and heaved herself off the ground, crying out as her weight shifted. Maddie helped her shed her jacket and pressed the second square into place, holding them together as if Annie would crumble into pieces if she let go.

“The shirt…” She tried to speak, but Madelyn was already tying the patches in place with by the sleeves. Annie had lost so much blood already, that she was starting to see in distorted colors. Red. So much red. It consumed everything, as if the earth had been swallowed by it. She knew she didn’t have long.

“Go on, get out of here,” Annie breathed. “I can’t…”

“No, no, no, we didn’t spend all that time patchin’ you up just for you to give up.”

“You can’t... lift me.”

“You’re gonna have to help me, then. C’mon.” She put Annie’s arm over her shoulders and snaked her own around her waist, careful to not put pressure on the patches. “One, two, three!”

Annie cried out as she stood, unable to form a coherent, thought let alone see anything beyond a few inches in front of her own face. Another round of adrenaline must have kicked in and she somehow made it onto the saddle, grasping onto the horn for dear life. Madelyn mounted behind her and put her arms around Annie, holding the reins out in front in case she fell again. She put her feet in the stirrups and peered over Annie’s shoulder, getting a clear view of the path ahead.

“Stay awake now, ya hear?”

Annie struggled against entering into a state of delirium. Trying to ground herself in reality, she realized something was missing… My hat! She groaned and let her head fall back against Madelyn’s shoulder. Madelyn… How kind…

“Annie! C’mon, stay with me.”

Annie ignored her panicked voice and said the only thing that came to mind. “Your name ain’t really ‘Madelyn’, is it?”

“No. It ain’t”

“What is it… then?”

“Jenny. Jenny Kirk.”

***

Arthur tapped his foot in anticipation as Dutch paced between the fire and the camp entrance. After everyone had split up, all but Charles, Javier, and Annie had made it back safe. It was risky returning to camp this early after a job gone bad, but they hadn’t been followed. Arthur figured that must have been what was holding up the rest of them.

“Damn it, Dutch, we had a plan,” Hosea said as he massaged his temple. “Why’d you pull that shit back there?”

“Pull what exactly, Hosea?” Dutch said, whipping around to face him. Arthur had been listening to them go at it since they returned. “You need to calm down, my friend. Everyone here is capable of handling themselves.”

“Dutch, he’s right,” Arthur interjected. “We knew Benson wasn’t trustworthy. It ain’t a matter of how well we can handle ourselves, cause that wasn’t no gunfight. It was a setup, plain as day.”

Dutch shook his head. “We needed that money, boys. If you’re not prepared to take a little risk for that, then I don’t know what to tell you!”

“It already was a risk!” Hosea said, exasperated. “That’s why we needed to stick to the plan.”

Dutch threw his arms up in defeat. “Well, it failed anyways, so why are we still arguin’ about this?”

The rest of the camp had gathered outside their tents to see what all the commotion was about. “What happened, Arthur?” Mary-Beth asked, pulling his attention away from the two men arguing.

“Just a job gone bad.”

“So no money?” Karen asked.

“Only a bit. Not nearly as much as we were countin’ on.”

Tilly joined them. “Have y’all seen Charles yet? Or Javier and Annie?”

Arthur looked through the trees and caught a glimpse of the empty road. “Not yet.”

“I hope they’re alright,” Mary-Beth said.

“I’m sure everything’s fine, Mary-Beth,” Tilly assured her, but her voice wavered enough for Arthur to tell she wasn’t entirely sure of her own words.

Just ask she said it, two riders appeared on the road and made their way through the trees. Charles and Javier.

“Boys!” Dutch called. “Good to see you back.”

“Sorry we’re the last ones to the party,” Javier said.

There was a pause and the air grew tense.

“You mean Annie ain’t with you two?” Karen said.

“No,” Charles said. “She’s not back yet?”

“We ain’t seen her, but I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Dutch said.

“That’s it, I’m goin’ after her,” Arthur stated, starting for his horse.

“Are you jokin’?” Dutch said, raising an eyebrow and stopping Arthur in his tracks. “O’Driscolls and lawmen are crawling all over these parts.”

“She’d do it for one of us,” Charles said. He nodded at Arthur. “I’ll go with you.”

“No, no, I need you both here,” Dutch said.

“He’s right, boys,” Hosea said. Arthur glared at him. “We can’t risk any other wild adventures tonight. She’s capable, she’ll make it back in one piece.”

Arthur let out a sharp exhale and eyed the two of them, unable to think through his own rage. Annie was capable, sure, but this didn’t feel right. Dutch had screwed her, screwed them all. He told them to keep on with the robbery when she gave the signal. If they’d just listened to her signal...

The energy of the camp rippled, voices murmuring around Arthur, wondering where Annie had gone. The atmosphere was growing thicker with tension and the anxiety welling in his chest made it so he could hardly breath. He couldn’t take it anymore. Just as he turned away to get some air, he saw something down the hill, across the river. A single black horse with two riders. Holy shit…

“Hello?” a small, female voice called out, just barely over the sound of the rapids upstream.

“Who’s that?” Dutch bellowed as Charles drew his rifle to his shoulder.

“It’s Nero…” Hosea said, his voice flooded with concern.

Arthur ran over to the ridge to get a clearer look. The black stallion was breathing heavily, glistening in sweat as he bowed his head in exhaustion.

“M-my name’s Jenny. Annie’s here with me, but she’s hurt real bad.”

“No, Arthur, wait!” Dutch said, trying to grab Arthur’s shoulder as he rushed forward. He shook the hand off and took off down the hill to the riverbank.

“Can you get him across?” he said, trying his best to hide the dread in his voice as he saw the limp body, slumped against the stranger’s chest.

Nero didn’t hesitate as he crossed the water, even though it was somewhat deep. The horse plowed through the flowing water and onto shore, almost as smoothly as if he was on land.

Annie was unconscious and the blood on her shirt glistened in the dim light of the distant campfire. Her face was white as a sheet and covered in a cold sweat. “Charles! Could use your help here!”

He heard Hosea call Grimshaw for assistance as John and Charles came rushing down the hill. They took in the sight of the wounded woman, speechless.

“Arthur?” Annie murmured, reaching out her hand to touch what she didn’t think could be real. “That you?”

“It’s me, alright.” He took her bloody fingers in his hand and squeezed.

“Damn it, I’ve died and gone to hell,” Annie said, a hint of a mischievous smirk on her face.

He smiled and shook his head. “No, not quite yet, Annie girl.”

Even though she was dressed in black, the slick stain of blood covered most of the right side of her body, from her ribcage to her thighs. Streaks of red matted stray hairs against her forehead, mixed with the tear marks on her cheeks and the sweat on her neck. He wanted to say he’d seen worse, and he probably had. But this, for some reason, shook him to the core.

He lifted her off the back of the horse and cradled her in his arms. She wasn’t light and his front was now soaked in blood, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Charles, hitch her horse at the posts, make sure he’s watered.”

“What about her?” John asked, gesturing to Jenny who was covered in blood herself.

“You, Miss Jenny, are with us now,” Dutch said, walking down to join them on the riverbank. “Go wash up, Miss Jones here will help you. You can have Annie’s spot until we find you a place.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jenny said with a breath of relief.

“‘Sir’ was my father,” he said. “You can call me Dutch.”

Arthur brought Annie up the hill as most of the camp watched. She was drifting in and out of consciousness, but at least she was alive. He gently laid her down on his own cot, making sure she was comfortable. She winced and her eyes fluttered open slightly.

“Step back, Arthur,” Grimshaw said, pushing her way into the small area, fresh bandages in hand. She replaced the bedroll patches slowly but securely, cleaning the wounds with what Arthur figured was gin as she worked.

“Ahh!” Annie yelped as the alcohol splashed into the open wound. “Huh. Nice to see you, Susan.”

“You too Annie, you lucky, lucky girl,” Grimshaw said. “Can I use your jacket, Mister Morgan? And will you give us some privacy?”

“Oh, uh, sure.” He said, shedding his coat and handing it over and turning away as Grimshaw carefully removed Annie’s tattered and stained shirt. She covered her so that only she could see as she wiped away the blood from the wounds with a wet cloth.

“Tilly, can you get one of Miss Bolton’s shirts from her things, preferably a light one?”

“Is she gonna be okay, Miss Grimshaw?” Mary-Beth asked with a look of horror on her face.

“Yes, Mary-Beth, she’s gonna be just fine.”

He saw her nod and bring a hand to her mouth, holding back a sob. The rest of camp was watching, but keeping their distance. He saw John say something to Abigail as she tried to walk over to help. She protested for a moment, but he pulled her into a small hug and shuffled her and Jack back into their tent. The suspense had settled since she was back and more or less in one piece, but Arthur’s own fists were clenched with anxiety.

“Arthur,” Dutch called, snapping his attention away from the scene. He and Hosea were standing back, trying to keep everyone from crowding around the lean-to.

Arthur sighed with frustration and walked over. “What is it, Dutch?”

“You alright, son?” Hosea asked.

“Yep.”

“Arthur…” Dutch said, studying him.

“I’m good.”

“She’s gonna pull through.”

“Yeah, I know.” The shakiness of his voice was hard to disguise. “She knew it was a damn trap, too.”

Hosea furrowed his eyebrows, giving him concerned look he hadn’t gotten in a while. “We can get you a bedroll. You can sleep in the-.”

“I’m good,” he said, cutting him off. “I got the chair.”

“Arthur-,” Dutch started.

“I know what my goddamn name is, Dutch, quit sayin’ it,” he snapped.

Dutch sighed and raised an eyebrow. “I was just gonna tell you to keep an eye on her for the night. That’s all. Make sure you get some rest.”

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his hair, lifting his hat slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Dutch squeezed his shoulder and sent him back to Annie’s bedside. Grimshaw finished with the buttons on the fresh shirt and stepped back.

“I can keep an eye on her, Miss Grimshaw.”

“Thank you, Arthur. When you can, try to get her on her side, she won’t listen to me. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Of course,” he said. He suddenly recognized the white button up Annie now had on. “Hey, is that my shirt?”

“Yes,” Tilly said as she balled up a few bloodied rags to be washed. “I couldn’t find any clean light ones of hers, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and forced a small smile. “No, Tilly, it’s fine. Thanks. Get some sleep, I’ll take it from here.”

Tilly nodded and took her leave. Arthur turned back to Annie, hesitantly. Her eyes were closed but she had a slight grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. He reached down to the end of the bed and pulled the thin wool blanket up to her shoulders.

“They put me in your shirt?” she mumbled, eyes still closed. “You’ll have to burn it now, surely.”

“Do you ever stop jokin’?”

“Only when there’s nothin’ to joke about.”

Arthur chuckled. When this had happened before, she almost didn’t make it. It was terrifying to watch her fight against seemingly unbeatable odds. But nevertheless, she fought hard and won. He feared she wouldn’t be so lucky this time around. He felt a sudden urge to take her hand. Like his, it was calloused and rough, but smaller and somehow more delicate. He held it gently and she absentmindedly squeezed one of his fingers.

She met his gaze and for a moment, Arthur saw the same sadness reflected in her cloudy, hazel eyes that had always been in his own. In a strange way, it was comforting to him. To know that he was just as afraid as she was, to know that the path ahead of her could prove to be treacherous. It meant she still was still breathing, her heart still pumping. It meant she had a chance. In that moment, somehow, they both knew everything would be okay.

“Get some rest,” he whispered.

She grinned and her eyes blinked closed. “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

#rdr2 fic #rdr2 fanfic #red dead redemption fanfic #arthur morgan fic #arthur morgan x oc #rdr oc #my OC #my fics #annie bolton #for they shall be satisfied #ftsbs

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aviationfiction · 6 years ago

Text

XXXIV

Dante St. James

“Holy shit. It looks amazing in here.”

Stacey’s eyes widened in awe as she slowly walked through the foyer from the door and eventually stopped at the living room. Though the smirk on Mike’s face was one of teasing and slight sarcasm, even he looked on in amazement at the holiday spectacular that my fiancée has morphed my apartment into. She began the process the day after Thanksgiving and spent countless hours between then and the first of December putting every single aspect of it together with whatever minimal help that she needed from me. My only purpose as her handyman was to use my height to her advantage when she didn’t feel like climbing the ladder to reach something. The Balsam Hill website transformed her into a kid in a candy store and she clicked away at whatever was needed to make her fantasy of turning this place into her own version of the perfect holiday imagery and despite my protests, it was all done out of her pocket. The beginning of her efforts started with a fifteen foot pre-lit Aspen Fir tree that perfectly mirrors a living tree without the nature like whiff. I hadn’t noticed how high my ceilings were until that colossal tree was carried in here by eight different delivery men. They’d even given her a free ladder for what would be an exhausting experience in my opinion. Her adrenaline pumper to get it done? Anything Motown Christmas. Rather than the traditional red and green, her vision was silver and gold as Burl Ives sings it. Everything from the ornaments, tree picks, ribbon, and garlands followed that color palette and gave the tree some much needed life. Underneath the tree, she opted for a crimson velvet tree skirt. Over on the entertainment center was illuminated garland and a family of six polar bears. Hanging from their feet were six crimson velvet Christmas stockings with Autumn, Dante, Michael, Fredrick, Stacey, and Kaylee written on their upper flap. I think I fell even more in love with her after seeing that. On the apartment door is a wreath similar to the garland. My place hasn’t experienced the holiday season to this capacity…ever and despite my playful resistance early on, it’s nice to see.

“Yo, you really are married now. I bitched about your house looking worse than the Grinch’s crib for years and yet you still put that bitch ass Charlie Brown Christmas tree on the table. You get a girl, put a ring on her finger, and now it’s looking like Santa’s Workshop threw up in here. What the fuck?” Of course he would start with his complaints about my decorating. I’ve never felt compelled to decorate because I live alone. What is the point of throwing up decorations all over the place for only myself to glance at? Christmas is a family holiday. The mild depression that I’ve always experienced around this time of year would have worsened and I would have likely been finding toxic ways to numb the emotions. So that little tree, that Autumn amusingly threw away, was my acknowledgement of the holiday without going overboard.

“Well, you know what the power of the P will do.” Stacey’s vulgar statement earned a quick side eye from me as Mike erupted into more chuckling than necessary.

“Anyway, what’s bring y'all by?”

“Where’s the wife to be?” She hadn’t even given me the proper greeting and here she is already asking for Autumn.

“She’s not here. Why?”

“I’ve come with venue options for the engagement party.” Engagement party? Neither Autumn or myself have discussed anything wedding related with anyone in particular and after the speculative bullshit that Richard has fed to the media, and I’m not quite sure we will be. We’re caught in this weird space of her wanting me to make amends with my relatives so that they’ll be able to be apart of all of the wedding festivities and anything else we intend to do with our lives after it and yet, the behavior of my paternal parent has irritated her and left her conflicted on whether any of that is a good idea or not. Then there’s me, who couldn’t care less about their presence. So, an engagement party? I can already foreshadow the disagreements that will happen when mapping out a guest list. The thought of it sounds nice, but executing it? Even God will have a migraine.

“That’s really why you’re here?”

“That’s not the only reason why. We were out holiday shopping. Mike’s my designated driver since the husband has my car and I refuse to drive that monstrosity that he calls an SUV. We decided to drop by after lunch. I bought you pasta from the Cheesecake Factory.” She held up the bag in the midst of her stride to my kitchen and I glanced over at Mike, who playfully rolled his eyes.

“I’ve been her designated driver since eight this morning. I’m tried as hell.”

“Oh shut up. It’s only noon. You’re getting practice for whenever your too cool for school ass finally settles down with one of those young short skirt wearing legal secretaries around your office.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I dealt with a paralegal or two and y’all are turning it into me being a serial dater of people who work around me. I would never give myself that type of headache. You’re giving me flack and Dante’s literally marrying his corporate flight attendant. He mixed the shit out of business and pleasure.” Though I didn’t want to laugh to give him the satisfaction of getting that joke off, I couldn’t help it. While there is no comparison because he’s falsifying that one or two estimation, the mixing business with pleasure part is funny. I suppose I did, but it’s a regret that I don’t have.

“So how is everything after that bullshit that Richard pulled last week? I know we spoke briefly about it but you didn’t give me enough detail.”

“I don’t know, honestly. I know that I’m pissed off but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of retaliation. As far as Autumn, she’s indifferent about it. She’s been extremely busy with that holiday party, so she’s been in Jersey a lot since then. She dropped by here yesterday evening because she was already in Manhattan and she made dinner. We talked about it some more and she seemed to be alright. Per usual, she was far more concerned with what I’m feeling rather than her own emotions. She went to bed around nine. She’s been tired all this week.”

“Pregnant?” My hands halted from the task of untying the bag and both of my eyebrows instantly raised at such a random question. Mike’s curious posture worsened the odd tension that suddenly arose in the room as he idly leaned against the counter and mischievously smirked while awaiting an answer.

“I just told you that she’s working crazy hours on a Christmas party and pregnancy is what you make of that? It doesn’t make sense Stace.”

“But lets just say that she is pregnant. What would you do?” Yet again, Mike and I made eye contact and he was seemingly far more curious about whatever my answer may be more so than Stacey and I’d be a fool if I stood here pretending to be clueless as to why. Though it is her who brought it up this time, he’s tossed it at me as a hypothetical more than once in the midst of a number of our conversations and though I wouldn’t say that he did it to inflict fear within me, it happened either way. I don’t fear starting a family with Autumn. I fear not being capable of protecting her through nine months of a vulnerable state and then the life we created together after the fact.

“I would do what I’m supposed to do; take care of her and prepare to be a father. Did you assume that I would do something else?”

“Of course not. That’s not who you are. That question is more so for how things are right now. I know you’d rather not have a baby here, right?”

“In New York? Location has nothing to do with anything.”

“Word. People make places ugly. It never has anything to do with location.” I nodded in agreement with Mike’s follow up and pulled the plastic container out of the bag.

“I would love to be settled in California when we conceive a child. That’s the goal. If life throws some sort of a curve ball and it happens before then, then we’ll be fine. More than anything for me, I’d prefer we be settled and not have to worried about getting there in the midst of preparing to have a baby and Autumn’s in a place of wanting to make sure she has certain things together on her end before she can focus on motherhood.”

“That’s understandable. Is a wedding going to happen before the move and everything that Autumn wants to do?”

“If I could, I’d marry her tomorrow. We have a date for next year that we discussed, but the problem is the outside factors. For as long as you two and Fredrick are at the wedding and maybe Camille, I couldn’t give two shits about anyone else who attends for the sake of me. She can invite her entire family, all of her friends, and anyone else she feels compelled to have there. All I need is the four of you and I’m straight. She’s not okay with that. She’s pushing for me to at least make some kind of a reconciliation with my mother and I can’t force that no matter how hard I try. I’d love to do that for her, but that’s the thing. She doesn’t want me to do it for her because it wouldn’t be genuine. She’s insists that I need to do it for myself.”

“Because despite what you all are going through, you only get one set of parents. Don’t get me wrong, your parents are fucked up. I’ll never deny that because it would be a slap in your face. Richard is who he is and that who he’s going to be until his body is lifeless and cold. As for your mother, I think there’s potential there. She loves you. She’s had a screwed up way of showing it in the midst of dealing with the whirlwind of bullshit that she caused within her own life, but the love is there. I think she’s witnessed that and believes bridging that gap may be good for you. I don’t think it’ll hurt.” Of course he’d agree with her. They’re all extremely family driven and despite all of the good they’ve done while being apart of my life, none of them will ever be able to fill certain voids. It’s unrealistic to put that kind of pressure on any of them, including Autumn. I may not say it or show it, but I love my mother. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel obligated to out of honor for her birthing me or if it’s naturally emotionally driven, but the love is there. More than any apology, I at least deserve some acknowledgement of the manner in which I was dismissed. It’s the only sensible method to move forward because I can’t play catch up with a woman who deliberately missed out on so much of my life when she didn’t have to. I wasn’t shipped off to the next of kin because we were financially struggling. She wasn’t some drug addict or alcoholic mother who was so caught up in her addictions that they overshadowed my presence. I wasn’t a misfit kid who would rather be running the streets and looking for every possible troublesome outcome to avoid living a structured life at home. Selfishness was the driving force behind every decision that she made and she doesn’t deserve to breeze on by without admitting to it all because she suddenly sees me.

“Maybe some day it’ll happen. I don’t….”

I paused mid sentence at the sound of the door opening and though it wasn’t the typical sound of heels, I could hear Autumn’s feet dragging against the flooring.

“Yo.”

“Yo.” As she called back out to me, she inched closer to the kitchen and finally appeared in the doorway for all to see. The usual glamour that she exudes was scaled down to a grey Ralph Lauren sweatsuit, a Moncler coat, hat, and scarf, and surprisingly a pair of blue Ugg boots that left me beyond amused. I never thought I’d see her in a pair of those clunky boots in my lifetime and yet here she is proudly in a pair and bundled up against the thirty degree weather outside. Even in the comfort wear, she looked stunning and yet adorable in the midst of it. The only make up on her face was lip gloss and that took about ten years off of her actual age.

“Esmeralda. What’s up?”

“Hey Mike. What’s up Stacey?”

“Hey gorgeous. How are you?”

“Tired.” She made her way to them one by one for the hugs that they were awaiting and I was left with her pressing her lips into my own for a longing kiss. After that, I was fine with her lack of a verbal greeting for me.

“I’m starving.”

“You want this pasta? I can just eat the leftovers from what you made last night. That’s what I was planning to do anyway.” As she opened the fridge, her eyes panned in the direction of the plastic container I was pointing at.

“Are you sure? I can just eat one of these greek yogurts and call it a day honestly.” I quickly nodded my head to her question. “Besides, I have to grab my shoes and head back to Jersey. I left my pumps over here last week and I need them for tonight.”

“Yeah. Come and eat this. What time do you need to be back at the venue tonight?” Rather than giving her the plastic fork that was already in the bag, I grabbed a silver one out of the drawer.

“Well, cocktail hour starts at seven, so I figure that I’ll be back by six. I made sure I crossed every T and dotted every I before I walked out of there this morning. I refuse to have to return this afternoon and be scrambling. I don’t even have the energy for that. I already have a headache from this morning.”

“I have some wings in here. I only ate like two of them. You can have those too.” Her eyes immediately lit up at Mike’s offering.

“It’s only noon. So, why don’t you eat the food and take a nap? You can sleep until like three. You have the car, so you can drive into Jersey as soon as you wake up and get ready from there. I think you can make it back in time by six.”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll just eat the pasta and I’ll head back in a few.”

“You need some sleep. Take the nap. I’ll be up, so I will make sure you’re up in time to make it back to Jersey. Why don’t you go to the room, take your stuff off, and lay down now. I’ll warm this up and bring it to you. What do you want to drink?”

“Water is fine.” As she turned to walk away, a part of me was surprised that she didn’t put up one of her stubborn protests. Maybe she’s just that damn tired. She claims that after this party, she has nothing else that is physically or mentally draining to do and I’m holding her to that. She’s been starting her mornings early and ending her nights later than normal because of it.

“You’re such a good husband.” Mike’s tease came with my middle finger instantly being pointed up, while Stacey snickered at yet another moment that they were able to goad me about. It’s never going to end. They’ve been anticipating the day when I’d fall in love because it seemed like hell freezing over was more of a sure thing for a long time. Despite the jokes, I know it all comes from them being proud.

“Since we’re on the husband topic, back to the engagement party. Seriously, I’m thinking it should be at The Rainbow Room or in Brooklyn at The William Vale. Maybe Gotham Hall?” I’ve been to different events at all of those venues she mentioned and the only thing that came to mind was the magnitude in size. Those are venues you book when you’re planning to have five hundred or more guests showing up to whatever you’re celebrating.

“It’s an engagement party. How many people do you think we’re inviting?” As I placed the container into the microwave and put the timer on two minutes, she loudly huffed with a shrug of her shoulders.

“Maybe two to two hundred and fifty.”

“Hell no.” Both Mike and I responded in unison. He knew that I wouldn’t get on board with that no matter how many times she batted her eyes and lightened her tone. That would be a social nightmare.

“Come on. You can’t just leave out everyone at the company. There are so many people there who love and admire you Dante. Be fair.”

“And they’d be there to fill seats and for the free food and drinks. They admire the work I do, not the man that I am. They don’t know me and I’d prefer to keep it that way. There are a few that I wouldn’t mind being there, but two hundred and fifty people? That’s going too far for an engagement party. If anything, it should be a nice dinner somewhere with no more than twenty or thirty people.”

“Twenty or thirty? Are you kidding me?”

“You think he’s kidding?”

“Dante, seriously?”

“Seriously. Find a dinner party venue and then run those options by me.”

“If that’s the case, we can just do it at Baraya. You all have one of the most beautiful restaurants in the city.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. We can get a decorator to do a couple of floral arrangements for some tables. Everything else we can do on our own. Cheap and yet effective.” Mike’s frugal idea instantly made me laugh. He can be somewhat of a Bargain Betty when he wants to be. The man makes over six figures a year and yet for the most part, he does his best to live a simple life. I always joke with Fredrick that Mike may be the wealthiest one out of all of us because he’s not really the splurging type unless the moment calls for it or for his mother. Fredrick’s flashy. Me? I’d like to think I’m moderate but for my baby? I’d break the bank on whatever.

“Nah, we’d have to turn Bayara into some sort of a vision. We’re going to need way more than just a couple of floral arrangements. I like the idea though. We’ll see what happens.”

“We’ll see what happens? We need to lock down these details soon.”

“We have time.” As soon as the microwave stopped, I removed the container and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. My short jog to the bedroom was met with Autumn carefully placing her coat down on the ottoman in the closet.

“You want the TV on?”

“No.” As I placed everything on the nightstand, she walked out of the closet and plopped down on the bed. My next move was to remove her Ugg boots and place them at the foot of the bed.

“Did you find your shoes?”

“Yeah, I put them in my bag. Thank you.” It didn’t long for her to dig into the pasta. I doubt she’ll finish all of it but more than half should be doable. It’ll probably be all that she has on her stomach for the rest of the night since she decided to work at the party rather than simply attending it.

“Am I going to see you tonight?”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I going to see you or am I going to only catch glimpses of you from around the room out of the corners of my eyes? I was thinking maybe we can have a drink together or something. Maybe have a dance or two? I know you’re going to be working and it’ll be a lot, but squeeze me in if you can. I’m not asking you to make any promises. It’s just awkward for us to be in the same room with one another with little to no interaction despite it being a work night for you.” There’s a part of me that believes she’s going to keep her distance because of the New York Post article and the extended coverage on the internet which has put us in an awkward space publicly. We’ve gone from living in this world where it’s just she and I with a chosen few who are aware of what we share to millions of people speculating and making the most absurd assumptions. There’s this weird presumption that she and I are some sort of fling. In the pictures, her hands are resting in her lap and in the one shot when we’re standing, her arm was extended behind my back so there were no glimpses of the ring. Despite that, why would I take a fling to an event of that magnitude? I know that’s the narrative Richard is trying to convince himself of so that I’ll remain under his wing and the driving force behind the company. Now he’s pushing it beyond that narrow-minded mind of his. Tonight, I’m pushing back.

“We’ll have a drink tonight. I’m sure at some point, I’ll take a break.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you for the pasta.”

“It’s no problem. Enjoy it.”

I left her to the privacy she needed and closed the door behind myself so that whatever noise coming from the kitchen didn’t disturb the nap that I’m not even sure she’s going to take. Often time, her stubborn nature holds strong, even in opposition against what she needs. More than anything, I’d rather she be well rested for the task that’s head of her tonight. Though I don’t know what the holiday party will consist of aside from the basics, I trust that her family has a lot more class than my own. I don’t expect any ridiculous speeches from neither Isaac or Silas about the family and if they do give a word or two, at least whatever statements are said will have mindfulness and a genuine tone behind them. I doubt Lillian will hound either one of us about wedding plans that are yet to be because she has absolutely nothing else to speak about. Most of all, I’ll be able to let my guard down. I don’t have to worry about being on alert to verbally or physically rip someone apart for even the slightest bit of disrespect towards me and most of all, towards her.

“Yo, you got some cuff links that I can borrow? Let me get the ones with the blue gems in them. I don’t know where I put my favorite pair and the next favorite pair that I have belong to you.”

But I will have to deal with Mike’s antics. I suppose that should be the easy part.

"So word has been traveling around about my potential move to L.A. and I’ve gotten a couple of phone calls. Manatt, Phelps, & Phillips called, I have a couple of e-mails from Greenberg Traurig, and Ziffern Brittenham reached out too.

“These are all tier one firms?” Once I was finally able to switch lanes, I turned off my blinker and slightly turned down Outkast’s Aquemini album. The traffic on I-95 S in Jersey had finally picked up in pace. While Autumn was asleep, I’d already called Marv to come and drive her home so that she wouldn’t have to drive while sleepy. I wish I hadn’t of woken her up from that nap because she couldn’t mask her grumpiness no matter how hard she tried to. Even the kiss she gave me as she walked out of the door was half assed and I could do nothing other than chuckle.

“Yeah. I believe so. I just don’t think I’m interesting in partnering with another firm whether they’re giving me name partner upon hiring or not. It’s a lot of politics that goes into that shit, especially when you’re walking in the door with perks that internal lawyers are busting their ass for. They immediately walk around with this chip on their shoulders while looking at you like you’re this designer suit wearing fuck boy who stepped on all of their toes to get a position that they deserve. I don’t care what anyone has to say but at the same time, I’m in a place where I feel like I don’t need to pet people in order to cease tension within a firm and I’m not playing a game of who can bust one another’s balls the best when it comes to power and rank amongst partners. I’m not even being cocky when I say that I’ve had far too much success to concern myself with that.”

“That’s why it’s time to branch out on your own and start your own firm. You’ve outgrown what’s being offered to you. You have enough clout and pull to snatch up a couple of hot shots from well known firms around this country, but I also know that we’re alike when it comes to giving people to chance to grow, show, and prove themselves to be the greatness that the future needs so I know your interns and first year selections will be good and just as great.��

“That's probably the most important part to me brother.”

“That’s how it should be.”

Autumn chose The Palace at Somerset Park as the venue for tonight’s festivies. Initially, she had ten different places in mind and I remember the headache she’d given herself over the course of a couple of days to narrow it down to the best three. After a numbers game, she eventually settled on the forty thousand dollar price tag simply to book The Palace. All of the extra perks that she added in there continued to raise the price by the thousands and I’m not even sure what was spent on the decorating team she hired to execute her Winter Wonderland theme. Despite her nonchalance about it, between everything she did for Heather’s wedding and now this party, I was exposed to yet another talent of hers that she doesn’t even recognize. I don’t believe I’ve come across another woman who can successfully dip her hands into many jars like Autumn can. I’m always in awe of her.

“So, that gentlemen in a blonde wig on BET ran with an escort story today. You want me to send out a statement or two? Maybe a couple of threats of legal action for defamation of character?”

“If you do that, it would just be me feeding into his bullshit and showing him that I’m uncomfortable.”

“But aren’t you? How is Autumn reacting to all of this?”

“We had a back and forth about it when we woke up to it initially and that was it. As I said earlier today, she’s been consumed with this party so I haven’t been able to observe her reactions or to pick her brain about most of it. I’m fucking frustrated because this route he’s resorting to is low as fuck. It’s a divide and conquer through she and I. He’s going to keep applying pressure for her to crack more so than myself. He’s well aware that I’m not going to abandon my relationship and the future I want on the behalf of anyone, let alone a family that I already struggle with claiming as my own, so he’s targeting her. He’s assuming it’s but so many attacks that she and her family will be able to take. It’ll feel just as repetitive as the media nightmare that was her relationship with that coach.” A hint of chills trickled up my arms at the reality of the comparison. The last thing I need is her folks viewing me as a toxic presence in her life. They may not have been able to access Andreas enough to get him out of the picture before everything went to shit, but they’ll never allow something like that to happen again. Hell, just Lillian’s protective nature alone lets me know that she’ll take me down in any way possible whether it’s my fault or not.

“Look, you know better than I do, that there’s a lot of underhanded shit going on, so you need to get the hell out of there. At this point, you’ve involved someone else in this. With marriage comes a vow of protection. No matter what you have me doing, you better be able to hold up your end of that.”

“I’m handling it.”

“The more I dig and ask questions, the more I’m realizing that eventually, I’m going to run into something that’s going to be explosive. I feel you’re trying to figure out which wire to clip to prevent a ticking time bomb from detonating and I’m trying to do everything that I can to influence you to say fuck it, get away from it, and let it explode however it does. You’ve saved them from far more than they’ve ever deserved. You’ve put that company on your back and have catapulted them to new heights year after year. What do you get in return aside from revenue and acclaim from Bloomberg, The Wall Street Journal, or some other business insider platform? If you’re finally putting your mental health first, then walk away immediately man. I’m telling your this as your brother and as someone who has looked into more enough for you to know that this shit isn’t going to end well.”

"It’s on my mind every time I walk into that building. There are a couple of situations that I need to handle before I can began to withdraw from everything. There are trusted clients, open contracts, and a large number of relationships that I’ve built over the years that I have to accommodate and still do want to maintain even with a departure. It’s about respect more than anything else.”

“I know.”

“So that information that I sent you about the Malibu house. What is that looking like?” We glanced at one another and he took a minute to gather his thoughts about yet another request I’d given him.

“Let me keep working on that.”

I left it at that. I know him well enough to understand that if he’s still working on something, it’s going to happen whether it’s soon or with some time. If it were impossible, he would have told me already. Time isn’t something that is to be wasted, especially right now.

It seems to be of the essence more than ever.

Upon entry to the venue, it immediately felt like we stepped into a party straight out of the North Pole or somewhere deep within the arctic circle. We were surrounded by a sea of white draping from the high ceilings down to the high gloss marble flooring. Christmas trees layered every space that made sense while flocking and sparking white lights breathed an enticing life into the place. The snow machines and the LED lighting were the enhancements that took the ambiance from fun to extravagant.

“If Autumn did all of this, I can only pity your pockets when it comes time to plan the wedding. Look at that.” My eyes panned in the direction of his finger and landed on a towering LED wall with rotating images of snow in the forest, moonlight, and laser designs. It damn near made you feel like you were outdoors. An ensemble of twelve women danced us through the doors while about a twenty to twenty-five piece band played the most famous holiday tunes that we all know and sing along to for our pleasures. The line up of microphones on the stage are a sign that there’s a performance coming. Mike's right about the money that was poured into this. She definitely went into this without a care or concern about a budget but it looks damn good and with the way the champagne, wine, and spiked egg nog are floating around, this is sure to be a night to remember or…drunkenly forget. Either way, she worked damn hard to make it a fun night for all and one that will leave Isaac with acclaim and praise.

“She did an excellent job.”

As I pulled out the ghost chair to take my seat, my eyes met those of Lillian and she immediately smiled and raised her hand up to wave at me. As I responded with a wave of my own, I noticed she was making her way over and pushed the chair back in to remain standing out of respect for her presence.

“Dante. How are you? Give me a hug.” The hug was as endearing as it is when she wraps her arms around her own children and she planted a soft kiss on my forehead. She then reached for Mike.

“Why are you two sitting over here? You have a placement card at the family table.” I didn’t even think about seating arrangements when I approached this empty table. This isn’t what you would call a corporate gala or a dinner party so, a seating arrangement isn’t really key to making or breaking this evening.

“I didn’t know.”

“Well yes, come over. We’re sitting right up there.”

With all of the baseless nonsense circulating about the two of us in the rumor mill, I was sure that there would at least be one or two awkward moments between her loved ones and I, but my thoughts jumped the gun quite a bit. Instead, I was welcomed with open arms as they showered me with physical and verbal affection and carried on dialogue as if I’d been a member of the family my entire life. It seemed like the more sips of red wine Silas took, the more he elaborated on holiday memories they’ve shared over the years. Despite the bittersweet emotions swirling within everyone with every word that he spoke, we shared laughter over stories like Shane and Autumn’s failed attempts at making a snowman, Isaac needing stitches after a failed sledding prank between the siblings led to him falling off and hurting himself, and Autumn bailing on a Christmas recital in the middle of the show.

As for my lady? She never joined the table, not that I expected her to. Instead, I was left with glimpses of her beauty out of the corners of my eyes as she zipped around the room to greet and properly accommodate just about everyone who walked through those double doors. Whether it was the way her long midnight black tresses swayed with the subtle and yet natural switch in her stride or the way the lightning around the room illuminated her alluring green eyes, she captivated just about every being filled with testosterone and they lustfully ogled over her like wolves hunting prey no matter where she moved. A black pencil dress is hugging every curve her body has to offer and its length stopped mid-thigh to display her impeccable legs, which were further accentuated by her Louboutin covered feet. Instinctively, while my ears tuned in and out of the conversation happening around me, my eyes followed her as much as they were able to as she maneuvered around with a graceful smile on her face and a clipboard that I assume is filled with names and the itinerary for the evening. There seemed to be this transition from a glare of lust to one of pride as I constantly caught glimpses of her engagement ring glimmering on her left hand ring finger.

“Why don’t you just go over here instead of sitting here and torturing yourself by staring at her so hard.” I looked on as she showered Heather with a more than normal amount of love. There was a mutual excitement between the two of them that I couldn’t quite pinpoint, but the repeated motion of Autumn brushing her hand against her best friend’s stomach gave me somewhat of a hint. A glow illuminated from the both of them as they giggling all throughout whatever small conversation they were having and both walked towards the bar hand in hand to continue their banter.

“I’m about to head over there. You want a drink from the bar?”

“You know my preference. Appreciate it brother.”

By the time I stood and began to make my way through a crowd of people heading towards the dance floor, I’d lost track of Autumn once again. I’ve yet to witness a moment when she’s sat down and yet she’s continuing to trek around this place in those extremely high heels like a butterfly waltzing in the air.

“What can I get for you handsome?” My back straightened as the young bartender trailed her eyes over my chest and eventually stopped at my lips, which then evoked her to run her tongue over her own set. The tips of her fingers grazed the skin of the top of my hand and the smirk that slowly grew on her face easily matched the intense glare radiating from her eyes. Within seconds, my hands found their way into my pockets.

“Remy Martin XO if you have it.”

“Remy? That’s an interesting choice. Rich, velvety, and lingering. It goes down smooth and tends to creep up on you sometime throughout the night and next thing you know, you’re doing the unexpected. I’ve seen it happen to many people over the years.” The unexpected? My snicker was low but she didn’t miss it. She refused to miss anything, including every breath that I’m taking. She’d yet to take a step in the direction of the alcohol to seek what I requested.

“Really? Well, thankfully, it’s not for me.”

“It’s not?” Her weirdly drawn on brows went up in wonder while she pondered on where to go next with this one sided conversation.

“No.”

“Well, what can I get for you?”

“Remy Martin XO.” An additional glance toward her face allowed me to recognize her from Meridian. She’s the receptionist who always makes it her business to thoroughly explain the same exact details about servicing to me in a snail paced manner while leaning over the desk to be as close to my face as possible. If I counted out the number of women from both companies who have attempted their hand at getting to know me beyond seeing me walk in and out of the doors, I’d sound pompous and be labeled an asshole. Despite my lack of interest, I know they’ve been a playground for Matthew and the thought of dipping into anything or anyone behind him agitates me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve had a taste of his father too.

“I’ll get that for you.” Rather than fixing the potent beverage at the back counter, she grabbed the bottle of it along with a glass, and she returned to the exact position she’d been in; on the opposite side of me with the bar’s counter serving as a barrier between our bodies.

“You enjoying yourself tonight?”

“Sure.” I shrugged. I am enjoying myself. It’s a great party. Based upon what Isaac mentioned, Boyz II Men are going to walk out on that stage within a couple of minutes and give us a full performance of Christmas hits to make it even better. Based upon the way they were ogling over Autumn in Vegas, I wouldn’t be surprised if they did the performance for free.

“I’ve always noticed you at the holiday parties but you always tend to tuck yourself into a corner somewhere and that’s where you stay. You never hit the dance floor. I see you’re at the Dupont table tonight, but you’ve still yet to hit the dance floor. You can’t be enjoying it that much.” She poured enough of the cognac in the glass to make it a double and slid it in my direction. Intentionally, her knuckles lightly grazed my own.

“Interesting observation. Maybe I’ll hit the dance floor at the next one.”

“You could always save a dance for me tonight.”

“Or me. How about you save a dance for me? I am like your sister after all.” Both our heads snapped in the direction of Heather’s tense voice. If looks could kill, the bartender would have been dead in an instant. Heather’s smirk was sinister. The more she leaned towards the bar, the further the woman on the opposite side of it leaned away from it.

“Of course I can save a dance for you. What’s up Heather?” I immediately threw am arm over her shoulder and drew her in so that we could share a hug and most of all, so she’d stop looking like she was a second away from lunging over the bar and attacking a woman who couldn’t keep my attention even while speaking to me.

“Nothing much. How are you?”

“All is well over here. How are you?”

“I’m alright. Happy to be back home. Miami is nice and I enjoy it, but I can’t front like I don’t love when I get time to come up here to the good ol’ cold and enjoy time with my families.” Most people tend to want to run away and stay away from the cold. She’s one of the first people I’ve heard who craves to feel it after having moved to a warmer climate.

“You’re spending the holiday up here?”

“Yes we lucked out. They’re playing the Knicks the day before Christmas Eve and they have no Christmas Day game. So, once he flies up here for the game, we get to stick around. Thank God. Despite my mental battle with having my folks fly down to me, I wanted to come up here because my Dupont family is here. I love them just as much as my own.”

“That’s what’s up. I’m sure Autumn is thrilled. She misses having you up here.”

“I know. I miss her just as much. That’s my right hand and sometimes I need a bit more than phone calls or FaceTime sessions sometimes. We were once inseparable but you know, the whole marriage to that piece of shit stopped that, and now I feel like we’re really working towards being like that again but with moderation of course. Back when we were in college, she transferred to UCLA to be with me. Mind you, this was after I considered transferring into NYU to be with her. I couldn’t take much more of those valley white girls. When she got married, we did hang out in Miami a lot. I’d fly down there to be with her often. I know she’d do the same for me now, but she has her own life and I’m thrilled for her. She has you. You stole my girl, but I’m okay with that.” With a nudge to my arm, she looked up at me with a smile as we stood along side one another observing the atmosphere. For the third time tonight, there was Mark Patelli standing directly in Autumn’s pathway while obnoxiously leering at her and finding unnecessary commentary to speak with her about. Every few seconds, his tongue would graze his barely there bottom lip while his eyes trailed over her entire frame. I get it. Autumn is the embodiment of everything that sex appeal is and is supposed to exude. She’s a prowess at entering a room and stealing the show without ever trying to do so. Heads turn with every move that she makes. Her smirk makes your heart jump and then the small smile that follows eventually causes it to melt. Her eyes. Shit. They’re enhancing and yet there’s this mysteriousness within them that immediately draws you into whatever part of her world she’s going to allow you into. She’s an enigma and yet like a Rubik’s cube, you cannot stop working to win her over in some kind of a way. In his case, it’s simply to be in her presence. As far the other hundred or more men in the room, it’s to get her to approach their table or maybe for a dance. Despite my understanding this, it doesn’t cease my thoughts to beat the shit out of every single one of them for staring at what’s mine in the same manner that I do. Mark is at the top of the list.

“Easy Tiger. She wants no one other than you. Mark never had a chance before you and he never will.” As if I were a once tamed animal now ready to pounce, Heather patted my back to soothe my thoughts.

“You know, she’s yet to say anything to me tonight.”

“I know. There’s a part of her that’s uncomfortable. I’m married to a NBA guy but Mario isn’t what people would call a hot shot or a star player. He’s not Lebron or Dwayne Wade. He’s no Kobe, Chris Paul, Stephen Curry, or any of those guys. He’s more of a role player and it works for him. TMZ isn’t hunting down information about him or whatever he and I have going on. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a chick or two try to come at me over him on social media but even that wasn’t blown up enough to get any coverage. Autumn on the other hand has gone from being painted as the “wild young girl” at UCLA who was fucking the head coach of the basketball team, to being the college dropout NBA wife “chasing the fast life”, to being the tossed away naive woman who “didn’t know any better and allowed a man to shit on her”, and now she’s the “gold digger rebounding with a hot shot business man”. Put yourself into her shoes and think about how you’d feel about that. She’s voiceless in this situation and she feels like it, because ultimately, what can she say or do? Yeah, people talk and it is what it is, but she doesn’t live her life in a manner for people to speak about her. She’s not clout chasing or seeking fame.” I couldn’t deny her point. I’m just as unnerved as she is about all of it and it’s not because we’re being spoken about because I couldn’t care less. It’s the context. The last thing I want her to feel is attacked and cornered but I know it’s what she’s dealing with mentally, though she won’t express it to me through conversation. I’ve sensed it in her distance from the topic at hand whenever we speak to one another and in her sudden choice to spend more nights in Jersey rather than at my apartment.

“I know. It does fuck with me that she feels that way but more than anything, she shouldn’t bottle it up. Once she’s inside of that head of hers, this happens. There’s she and I, and then this weird ass wall in-between us.”

“Break it down. That’s Autumn. She’s been that way ever since I’ve known her. The wall is her comfort zone. Shane would invade her comfort zones all the time and it’s why she learned so much from him. I do it to her when I have to. More than anything else, show her that it's you and her beyond whatever noise is surrounding you.”

“I hear you.”

“I was just talking about this with Autumn, but I figure I need to let you know this too. Autumn and I talked about our kids growing up together in the same manner that we did, so I’m going to need you to get on it. You need to hurry up and shoot up the club a couple of times, so that we won’t be that far apart.” Laugher instantly spilled out of me in response to the manner she chose to reveal her pregnancy in. Autumn did tell me about those type of conversations that we’ve had but to hear it from Heather is hilarious.

“Congratulations Heather.” Once again, we shared a tight hug and she poked my side as I released her.

“I meant what I said though. Get started on the babies. You two are going to be the coolest aunt and uncle slash godparents ever, but I want to be the thing. I want my chance.”

“I think we may miss this go round and we’ll have to catch up with you when you have your second baby. I can make a deal with you there. I can’t wait to have kids, but we have a lot going on and we still have a wedding to plan. Give us some time to get all of that handled and I have high hopes the babies will come soon after.”

“I’m holding you to that.”

“I got you.”

“And remember what I said. The love between you two is real. Don’t allow anyone or anything to get in-between that, especially some outside noise that doesn’t even matter. If anything, show them differently. Leave them with egg on their faces. You know I have y’all backs. I won’t hesitate to pop off on anyone or slap a bitch, like a bartender who doesn’t know her boundaries.” As she glanced back to seek her new found enemy, I nudged her shoulder.

“I know you do and we have your back just as much. There’s no need to slap anyone. You know who my mind is on and where I want to be no matter what.”

“Thank you for loving my friend.”

“If anything, I should be thankful that your friend loves me.”

As Boyz II Men took the stage, I return to the table and handed Mike his drink and was off to find Autumn. On my hunt, I grabbed two glasses of champagne off of a servers tray as he passed by and panned my eyes over the crowds of people until I spotted her standing near the entrance speaking with someone unfamiliar to me. My feet moved as swiftly as possible without me looking like a mad man so that I could reach her before she trekked to the other side of the room or somewhere within this vicinity and out of my view.

“Hello beautiful.” Maybe I should have waited until their conversation was over or maybe I should have properly interjected whatever they were saying to receive her attention, but I couldn’t help myself and didn’t care.

“Hi.” A gleam filled her eyes as she panned over my attire and I extended my arm to offer her the champagne flute. My attire for the evening had all been her choice. I assume she’s pleased with her work.

“That drink that we spoke about earlier.”

“Thank you.” Once it was in her hand, that allowed me to wrap an arm around her waist. “If you’ll excuse me Dr. Patel.”

Within seconds of us turning to walk away, that very drink I’d handed her went down her throat within one swallow and a flustered expression washed over her face as I looked on awaiting some type of interaction from her. Without knowing it initially, it seems like I stepped in with perfect timing to distract her from whatever was being said and yet I’m beyond curious about all of it because her reaction isn’t what I was expecting.

“My hand has been fucking with me tonight. Maybe it’s because I’m beyond tired.” As she lifted it within eyes view, I could see the tremor that typically makes itself noticeable whenever she’s dealing with stress or exhaustion. Often times, she’ll squeeze a stress ball for strength and training. “Dr. Patel noticed of course and she immediately jumped into that conversation we’ve had over and over again about allowing her surgeon friend to fix this issue with what she says is a simple operation. She’s not even my damn doctor, she’s my mother’s friend. Oh and then there’s that part that maybe, just maybe I’ll be able to return to school to go after my medical school dreams again but she certainly made it clear that I’d only be able to be a psychiatrist, dermatologist, or some kind of a general practitioner because I wouldn’t be able to do anything surgical since I have a fucked up hand.”

“Baby, you can do whatever the hell you want to do. Some stupid ass doctor’s opinion doesn’t change that.” If we weren’t at a party, I’d have no issue with approaching that short and stumpy doctor to repeat that same message to her. Everything that she’s faced hasn’t stopped her greatness from shining through despite her reluctance and insecurities. Despite everything, Autumn continues to prove that she’s destined for a greatness that not even she sees or understands right now. With my love for her aside, I’m in awe of her and I know it’s not without reason.

“One of the most renowned doctors in this fucking state? That opinion doesn’t matter?”

“I wouldn’t give a shit if it were Barack Obama’s opinion.”

“This goes back to our conversation from a few days ago. Everything just rolls off of your shoulders and is no big deal to you. This shrug and whatever mentality works for you and everyone else in this room, but it’s not going to work for someone like myself.”

“And why won’t it? You give too many fucks about what people have to say. How do you feel about yourself? That’s the most important question that you should ask yourself whenever the irrelevant opinions of others gets to you.”

“Right. So while Wendy Williams labeled me as your whore, I should have been staring in the mirror and asking myself that question?”

“Are you my whore?” A tightness eased into my chest as my shoulders tightened. Our brows arose in unison as she glared at me in the same manner I was at her. Though the question had absolutely no intention to insult her behind it, it irked me that I even had to ask it.

“What kind of fucking question is that?”

“Answer it. Are you?”

“I’m not.”

“Then who are you to me?”

“You know exactly what I am to you.” Her arms flared out in an exaggerated manner and loudly slapped into her sides as she huffed in clear irritation with the way this interaction is going. Good. Now she knows how I feel.

“But do you? Who are you to me?”

“Your fiancée.”

“My fiancée. The woman that I got down on one knee and asked to marry me. The woman who I love more than anyone and any got damn thing. Wendy whoever gets to spew bullshit and put a cloud of darkness over that? You’re so caught up in being mad about that instead of being within this room with me. All I’ve been doing is watching you walk around here without ever stepping over in my direction to give me a hello. If anything, you’re feeding into narratives that shouldn’t even exist in our world. You’re treating me like a stranger because people ignorantly accused us of being strangers who fuck one another. Now we’re standing here bickering back and forth over opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with either one of us when all I wanted to do was to approach you for a few minutes of your time.”

“Autumn!” Rachel exclaimed her name loud enough to turn our heads while catching the attention of a few others. With a clipboard in her hand, she adamantly waved her over for whatever task that needed to be handled.

“I have to go.”

“Sure. It’s not like we’ve had much interaction tonight to begin with. I can make a valid argument for the last week or so as well. You enjoying home?”

“We don’t live together.”

“A choice that you made.”

“And I’m working.”

“Another choice that you made. Was it so we didn’t have to attend this together?”

“You sound so stupid.”

“Do I?”

My question went unanswered. Instead, my line of vision was met with her back as she jogged in Rachel’s direction to tend to whatever she wanted or needed. Just as she did, I tossed all of the content inside of the champagne glass down my throat and left it on a nearby empty tray.

My final move was to wave Mike over so that we could make our exit.

I’d had enough of the party.

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