#i need to rub all over them

[bigassbowlingballhead]

like can we just

[mintypsii]

[triglycercule]

TRICK OR TREATIE!!!!

heh,,,,, these darn trick or treaters get SPOILED. back in my day we had to eat licorice and it was BLACK licorice (this is my first year on tumblr in halloween ive no idea why im doing this old man impersonation. YOU GET LUCKY!!! TREAT!!!! thank god the murder time trio didn't answer the door or you wouldve been in for a NASTY trick!)

[puppyeared]

When you backread through a fun conversation you had with someone for hours an angel gets its wings

[dangoarts]

unfortunately for everyone especially myself i am still thinking about minecraft story mode

[torchickentacos]

I do find it ironic that tumblr users will give condescending writing/reading comprehension takes within a paragraph’s worth of a run-on sentence. Do you actually care about people’s reading comprehension and writing skills, or do you just enjoy feeling smarter than others? If you truly cared, wouldn’t you be attempting to provide information in a manner that doesn’t actively push people away?

[softquietsteadylove]

Me again! Could I maybe request a follow up to the lawyer/Thena raising her sisters au? The first one was so good and I'd love to see what happens when Gil comes over to make the lasagna. Thank you :)

"Hey!"

Gil looked up from chopping, just barely catching two heads ducking down behind the back of the couch again to resume pretending to watch tv. He chuckled, glancing briefly to his right, "it's okay, I don't mind."

Thena shook her head though, focusing back on cutting parsley with needlessly forceful chops. "They're only lingering so they can ask you invasive questions, despite me debriefing them earlier."

It was funny that she called it 'debriefing' them. But she had warned him that she didn't have much in the way of friends, so don't be concerned by the endless questions of being her boyfriend, or at least liking her, if not being accused of having a long standing affair with her. That, he had blushed at.

He shrugged though, laughing to himself as he caught the odd eye glancing his way again. "They're kids, I don't blame them for being curious. I did kind of come over uninvited."

"Trust me, it's never gone well when I've attempted to tackle our mother's recipes before," Thena muttered, looking at the hand written notes lovingly propped open on a book stand for their reference. She looked down and pointed with the knife, "like this?"

Gil smiled; the parsley looked like it had been murdered and sawed. He nodded, "looks great. Honestly, even finer--the smaller the better when it goes in the ricotta."

Thena accepted the instruction, resuming hacking at it.

Gil winced for the poor cutting board. "May I?"

Thena just watched as he reached over gently. He moved one hand to the back of the blade and adjusted the wrist of her other, demonstrating the rocking motion of a cleaner cut. "Oh."

"It'll be easier on your hand," he suggested lightly, leaving his ears and the cutting board's longevity aside.

Thena eyed him and the mirepoix he was stirring in the pot with sizzling meat already in it. She continued his work, slower and clumsier, but following his demonstration. "Thanks--this is what I was talking about."

He shrugged, though, adding the garlic and tomato paste to the loudly sizzling pot. "Hey, you wouldn't know this stuff unless it was taught to you. I just happened to be in the kitchen with my grandma a lot as a kid."

Thena stared down at her parsley, looking more and more fine by the moment. "Mother knew I was terrible in the kitchen. Father would remind me ceaselessly that a wife who couldn't cook was like a car with no wheels."

Gil frowned, "that's a pretty messed up thing to say. And to your own daughter?"

She gave him a half a smile and a raise of her sharp eyebrow, "you can tell why Mother's keepsakes are all over the house, while I didn't even keep the car that was in Father's name."

He gave her a little laugh at her joke, no matter how dark. "I guess I don't blame you for that. Moms hold the family together most of the time anyway, right?--taste."

Thena blinked at the speed with which he transitioned from one subject back to their dinner. But she accepted the bite of carrot, blowing before popping it into her mouth. "Hm, still crunchy, but it tastes good."

"Adding the tomato paste and frying it a little first helps get that tinny, acidic taste out, and sweetens it." He reached for the wine, adding a healthy glug or two before reaching for the canned tomatoes. He nodded his head, "want a glass?"

Her eyes darted to the living room.

She was a dutiful guardian, mother or not. Gil smiled, though, nudging the bottle, "one glass won't hurt, right? We're not going anywhere for the rest of the night, and they're fine."

Thena eyed the bottle before sighing, "there are some glasses on the top shelf next to the fridge, I think."

She thought, as in she wasn't sure. But Gil wiped his hands off on the towel he had thrown over his shoulder and moved to the fridge. There were indeed wine glasses still in there, upside down and everything. He pulled two out, admiring the light feel and crystalline shine of them.

"Hey," he whispered, pouring them each a modest glass of a mere few ounces each. He clinked them lightly too, although the quality of the glass still made them ting loudly. "To the first lasagne of many, right?"

That made her smile, and his own smile brightened. Whether it was lasagne or anything else from their mother's hand written recipes, he was happy to help with it. She picked up her glass and gave him a gentle smile over the rim of it. "To the inaugural lasagne."

Her lips looked even more full against the rim of a glass, and when she pulled away he realised for the first time that she wore just a little lip colour when they were in the office.

He averted his eyes from the faint pink on the rim of her glass, looking into his own swirl of red wine. Moving back to the pot he smelled the bubbling mixture. "Usually I'd say to let it simmer for a while, but about fifteen minutes should be fine so we can get things in the oven."

Thena nodded after another sip of her own. "Is the parsley cut enough?"

It was now practically a fine paste it was so chopped. The cutting board was stained green, which of course meant a lot of its flavour was stuck in the wood grain as opposed to still in the leaves. But he grinned, "looks great."

Thena rolled her eyes.

"Hey, really," he laughed, reaching around her for the bowl of ricotta to mix the greens into. "And you said you were terrible at this."

She sighed again, letting her eyes drift back to the couch and to the tv playing some kind of reality show. "Just ask them about the first time I tried baking cookies for them. I'm forbidden from contributing to bake sales. I think they nearly called the CDC on me."

Gil laughed from his belly at that. The heads on the couch turned to watch them again but he was busy looking at Thena, who was laughing faintly at her own joke. Or maybe she was laughing because he was. Either way, she had a cute laugh. "Come on, it couldn't be that bad."

She shook her head though, "poor Sersi had to take over for me to get even one pan of edible merchandise. I had to write a note excusing my poor performance."

Gil caught two pairs of eyes fully spying on them, getting caught be damned. But he slid against the edge of the counter to lean closer. "I mean, I would think they could give you a bit of a break, all things considered."

Thena's expression turned gloomy again, staring into her wine. "I think they do. But everything they send home for them to do feels herculean after a long week, or a big case, or soccer, or-"

The oven beeped loudly at them, announcing its preheating.

Thena gave him a light smile again as she retrieved the casserole dish they had selected. "Ready?"

"I'd say so," he replied gently. He picked up a ladle, first putting in some sauce on the bottom. "This helps to steam the noodles and prevent burning on the bottom layer."

"Hm," Thena mused as she watched him layer the first set of lasagne sheets in. "I thought it was a meaningless old tradition. I never imagined there was a reason for it."

Gil looked back at the recipe, "it's one of those things that you only know if you know. I'm sure your mom never thought of adding in stuff like this."

"No, I suppose not."

He gulped, wondering if he should have brought it up at all. But Thena's smile, although wistful, wasn't really sad. He pointed, "it's your time to shine."

She laughed faintly, scooping out the mixture of ricotta and her pulverised parsley. "I'm lucky I have your expertise."

He blushed. She could have asked him for anything, after he had found out what kind of day she'd had when she texted. He would have fished the moon out of the sky if she asked.

She flicked the spoon for the last glob before he layered on more sauce. "I may have to call on you again the next time we open the book."

He grinned down at the noodles as he laid them. Thena's hands were long but slim, her fingers so delicate and pretty. His sleeves were rolled up for cooking, as were hers. She looked half his size, standing next to him. "Any time, you name it."

"Careful Gil," she murmured, and it almost sounded like she was teasing him playfully. "If this turns out well, they'll be demanding you cook for them all the time."

He was pretty sure he would agree to that, whether by the girls' demand or their sister's. "The defense rests, your honour."

Thena rolled her eyes again at his corny lawyer joke, but she was still smiling at least.

"Okay," he breathed as he ladled on the last layer of sauce. "Get some cheese on this and I believe we'll have a beautiful lasagne in about an hour."

"About an hour?" she asked firmly as she sprinkled on the cheese mixture from the bag. "Don't underestimate my ability to ruin an hour's worth of hard work in the last ten minutes."

"Okay, okay," he chuckled. Thena was adamant in everything she did, from her casework in court, to her determination that she was a blackhole of culinary ability. "Set a timer for 40 minutes, then we'll check it, and I like to broil it for the last five or so, just to get that leopard spotting on the cheese."

"Yes, Chef," she purred (definitely teasing him).

He buried his nose in his wine glass again. He was just about empty, but Thena definitely didn't drink regularly with two teenagers at home, and he didn't come over to get buzzed anyway.

"Here," she said gently, reaching for the glass with the bottle already in hand. He had a polite decline on his tongue when she pulled his hand with hers, topping him up. "I owe you far more than dinner and some wine, but I guess it's a start."

"You don't owe me anything Thena," he frowned even as she poured herself a little more too. He leaned forward again, "really."

She just looked at him, and she was back to being completely unreadable. He dreaded to think what it was like to go up against her in court; not only was her beauty intimidating, but that stare was cold enough to chill his wine to the touch.

"Are you done flirting?!"

Gil tugged at his shirt collar, only to remember that he had already taken off his tie and undone the first two buttons so he wouldn't sweat in the food.

Thena glared at her sister, "I beg your pardon?"

The head of auburn hair ducked down like a startled dog, but didn't retreat entirely. "When's dinner gonna be ready?"

"In an hour," Thena snapped again, but it wasn't her sharp tone that had the girl trembling. If anything, her sharpness seemed familiar and comforting to her sisters.

"Can I have a diet coke?"

"No."

"Come on!" Sprite whined at her, "you're having a fun drink!"

Gil slid his eyes over to his colleague. The evidence was right there, even if he was the one at fault for it.

Thena let out a loud sigh, matching the dramatic energy of her sister(s). "Fine, you can each have one. But if it's gone before dinner, that's it, it's water for the rest of the night."

"Fine," Sprite moaned as she slid off the couch to retrieve them.

Thena glared at her.

"She means thank you," Sersi offered much more sweetly and docilely, even if it was just to appease their sister's glaring. She crept behind her younger sister, holding onto her shoulders the whole way to the fridge. Her eyes darted between them, "it, um, smells nice."

Gil smiled; they were nice kids. Thena had done a great job with them, clearly. "Thanks, I hope I got everything right."

"You can't do worse than her, dude, trust me," Sprite pointed blatantly at their guardian. "She's, like, find a bone in your cereal--bad."

"It was one time."

It wasn't a joke? Where did the bone come from?

"If dinner isn't for an hour," Sersi swayed on the spot, like a child shyly twirling her dress (although she was actually in yoga pants with a green flannel tied around her waist). "Would you like to watch an episode of Ghost Files?"

"Ghost show, huh?" Gil grinned, putting his hand on his hips. He looked over at Thena, who looked maybe even a little sheepish.

"It's our fav," Sprite added, excited at the prospect of sharing their favourite program. "They find evidence, and then Thee tells us if it would be accepted in court."

"None of it would be," she stated outright, "but they still ask me every episode."

She made it sound tedious, but she was smiling just like the other two as they started to move back to the living room. Gil followed, "sounds like a fun family thing."

"If you two sit up properly, there'll be room for Gil to sit," Thena suggested not-so-subtly.

But Sersi and Sprite threw themselves back onto the couch. One side was clearly claimed by each, Sersi's with a fluffy blanket for her legs and Sprite's with a crumpled up throw pillow and snacks on her respective end table.

They pointed. "Or you can sit on the loveseat."

"Yeah, why else have two couches?" Sprite snickered with a mouthful of roasted peanuts.

"Animals," Thena admonished her sisters, and yet took a graceful seat on the smaller sofa adjacent to the tv. She had sat closer, giving Gil the better seat for viewing. She pulled one of her legs up, leaving the other down and her pencil skirt stretching to accommodate her.

He sat down on the other cushion, clutching his wine glass and trying to focus on the show, rather than how he could now smell that Thena also wore a little perfume when she was in the office too.

[composeregg]

"They're basically siblings you can't ship them!"

1 - they aren't related

2 - even if they are, fiction

3 - sometimes. characters having an incest kink. is hot.

4 - sometimes. people irl can have kinks too

5 - get Futaba a shirt that says "Daddy's little sister" and Akira one that says "My little sister calls me daddy" and let those two run with it. You know they would. She's been a NEET for years she's the one teaching him the kink terms

[meownotgood]

THE PICS U TOOK OF AKI IN THE FLOWERS ARE SO CUTE IM 🥺🥺😭😭😭 now im just imagining aki gardening.. tending to flowers and whatnot

- 🐙

gardener green thumb aki... it suits him so well.......

he's so happy to get his own garden. it's something he's dreamed of for so long, but devil hunting has always been in the way, and he's always lived in the middle of the city — he can't deny how much he's longed to return to the country side. and once he quits, he finally gets his chance to.

aki takes the best care of all his little plants. he has to spend a while getting the hang of things, but once he's got more experience with some small, simple flowers and succulents, he branches out to more kinds of plants. he loves all types of flowers, but he really enjoys growing his own fruits and veggies: tomatoes, strawberries, cucumbers, peppers. his dishes seem to taste better when they're made with something he's grown himself.

[chaos0pikachu]

look the way gmmtv can finally win with me is by making Neo an actual char in Golden Blood and hooking his char up with Mond's seemingly evil vampire

I wanna see Mond chomp on Neo's neck like prime rib. I want Neo to bite that man's neck back. I want them to be the true blood horny side couple to the main couples twilight romance.

This is how NeoMond can still win.

[bandsanitizer]

the way that it doesn’t just make me sad but angry that idols are expected to apologize not just for disappointing fans and their members but for harming them by so much as even having a dating rumor bc is it that bad they found love? or something that could become that? is it that bad for the people you supposedly love and support to be happy? yes I know the industry basically runs on the parasocial relationships but isn’t it high time to recognize that someone else’s happiness is not an attempt to ruin yours? that even if it is painful or difficult for you, that is not the responsibility of the idol. they should not need to apologize for their own happiness and events within their personal life which half the time come out as leaks (read: invasions of their privacy) rather than on their own time. and to go as far as to say it implies they don’t deserve their job or should leave their group… artists experiencing things in life? the emotions of affection and infatuation and love and endearment and everything else that comes with a romantic relationship? that’s only going to give them the capacity to create greater and more enriched art. i’m not saying they’re in a relationship to do (and I certainly hope not) but if you need any reason at all to refrain from causing these idols harm in the way you claim their happiness has so deeply harmed and disappointed you, then take it as them living. that life needs art and art needs life.

[childofaura]

Ok I thought I was gonna be making one nitpicky rant about TLoU show deaths but

I guess I’m actually making two. Because I saw another death and while I find there was nothing broadly wrong with it, there was some cinematic choices that drove me bonkers that I just wanna stress over.

So the rest will be under the cut, but for starters, this is about Sarah and Tess

Ok so Sarah isn’t really the meat of this rant, but I do want to talk about her death scene in the show because several things about it had bugged me. And please, I’m not really here to talk about the race swap. Overall I think it’s a little sus, moreso because the actress is the daughter of one of the executives of the show; so it suspiciously indicates nepotism. But the actress herself actually managed to do a pretty great job for Sarah’s death so really I couldn’t give a shit. ANYWAYS, the show’s death. What bugged me about it was the fact that there were CUTS while Joel is trying to comfort her and struggling to pick her up. The beauty of the cinematic choice in the game, where it turns into one continuous shot the moment Joel crawls over to Sarah, is that it inherently puts us in that moment with Joel, and by panning the camera over instead of cutting each time, it really shows how Sarah is right at death’s door, like you can HEAR the exact moment that she cries her last little whimper and just... goes quiet, right when the camera pans towards Tommy’s face. The problem with having scene cuts is that it drags the scene out in such an awkward way. Plus, Sarah’s still actively crying while Joel is screaming for Tommy to help him, and then the moment it cuts to Tommy the audio just cuts out very clumsily. As it cuts back to Joel Sarah’s just already dead, and additionally it makes no sense for Tommy to call to Joel to have him realize Sarah’s dead when she was still screaming and crying right as the camera cut. And then additionally, I’m not fond of the addition of Tommy saying Joel’s name, it feels almost... cold and detached. Like the tone of that line is “Joel she’s dead, it’s too late”. Whereas in the game, he’s moving towards Joel and Sarah and he’s in so much shock because he’s watching his niece dying in a crying, bloody mess.

So long story short, nothing wrong with the scene itself (though I gotta say I don’t think I’m a fan of Pedro Pascal’s line deliveries while he’s trying to stop Sarah’s bleeding. That’s less of a “one’s better than the other” and more of “that’s just my opinion that the emotion of the line delivery in the game was better”). Scene stayed true to the game.

But ohhh, OHHHH, you wanna know which death REALLY ruffled my feathers? Tess. Tess’ death was done so damn dirty in the show compared to the game (and side note, I hate the change to Tess’s character design. I loved the short hair held up by the headband, and I loved the short sleeves that showed her arms). I think by changing the entire death in the show, you take away from the character herself, and let me explain how.

In the game, they get to the Firefly meeting place, the Fireflies have been wiped out, and we find out Tess has been bitten. The military shows up, and Tess tells Joel that she’ll buy them some time and convinces both him and Ellie to leave. And the IMPORTANCE of her line “I WILL NOT turn into one of those things!”, which I’ll talk about. Joel and Ellie leave, Tess composes herself and gets ready to fight the soldiers. As you leave, you hear gunshots and hear Tess scream, and you find out she took out two soldiers; there was six guys and Tess took down two of them. This death is a perfect encapsulation of Tess’ character: resilient, stubborn, tough-as-nails, takes matters into her own hands. That is a death that treats the character with respect and actually plays into the character’s personality. It FITS. Tess is a woman whose life, her choices, it’s all in her hands and she will do what SHE wants to do.

In the TV show, they get to the Firefly meeting place, the Fireflies were killed by infected, and everything still plays out the same with Tess’ infection reveal (and I gotta say I’m not a fan of the dialogue choices nor am I a fan of the fact they tried to heavy-handedly push how Joel and Tess are a couple with the cuddling scene, whereas in the game the ambiguity of their relationship plays better into that final scene. I like the “Look, there’s enough here that you have to feel some sort of obligation to me” way more). Joel hears the infected, Tess starts tipping over some gasoline and grenades, and Joel and Ellie leave. Tess is panicking and frightened as the infected approach and flood in while trying to light the lighter, and then the BULLSHIT. The FUCKING KISS from the infected. And no I don’t wanna hear any ‘bUT it’S NoT A kISS, iT’S INfeCTiNg HEr’ excuses. It’s a fucking kiss disguised under the thin veneer of being some cool new infected lore, and it changes the entire death from a defiant last stance to a creepy, voyeuristic scene that’s going for a cringe-out factor. Like... Sure, you COULD explore that method of infection, it COULD be a neat behavior that we haven’t seen before.

But you don’t do that for Tess. She’s the wrong character to explore that with, and the show better actually try to stay consistent and show that again if people are gonna use the excuse of that scene being necessary. And the reason why it bugs me so much is because Tess, despite her short time in the story, is such a poignant character. She’s Joel’s partner, she’s OUR first partner. Taking that power out of her hands, putting her in this freaky powerless position where it’s like she’s being taken advantage of, does not compliment the character, especially when the death is a very easy to pull off trick that only solely relied on the lighter not working for cheap tension. If you wanted to give us a tense action scene, they could have actually shown us the Tess gunfight scene from her perspective, maybe give her one or two more kills than she had in the game. But this death was really insulting to the character.

TL;DR I’m incredibly autistic about all this dumb shit and it really just boils down to a difference of opinion.

[vohtaro]

.

[rottingcompost]

Yooooooo vapor95 fucks massively I'm jealous! Also love the hair tbh I'd love to dye mine insane colors again but I cant. (It'd be against uniform code sadly) I'd been wating to order some stuff off their store for ages, how much of a pain was shipping?

Shipping wasn't too bad, it took about a week for it to be shipped tho. Other than that shipping aaa quick, and I didn't have to pay a shit ton for the import tax this time (because shipping from America to EU)

Expect for it to take maybe two weeks or so if you live in for example europe.

[stripesysheaven]

finally finished stargirl, crying definitely very emotionally unwell right now

[re-pave]

I figured it out.

12:20am: I spent the past 2 hours walking across the upper west side of Manhattan.

Love. Connection. Nothing else matters. Literally nothing. It doesn’t matter where I am. I need to connect. How do I connect more? How do I love more? Looser inhibitions. It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks, I haven’t actually lived life. Look at all these people at 12am trying to connect. Unsuspecting people who are robots at work (inhibited). I’ve been so afraid…my entire life. The entirety of my life. It’s so deeply engrained. I don’t know exactly why (tbd). How do I connect to my spirit? My soul? I haven’t felt anything in so long, and this is the first night it’s happened. I’m so afraid to touch people (esp men). Emotionally, physically. Have I ever felt comfortable touching someone? And not felt insecure? Truly comfortable. Truly. Initiating. How many people have I slept with? So much emptiness. Point taken. This is the start of a new life. No more being afraid. What makes me afraid? Inhibition. Being too much, not meaning what I say and regretting it. Fuck that. Connection over everything else. Even if it doesn’t feel natural. It’s not going to feel natural at first. How do I lower inhibitions? I know how. Look at all these people. What’re they doing at 12:20am? Connecting. How? Lower inhibitions. There’s a reason alcohol plays the role it does in society and is as common as it is (for better or worse. Accept why its used). And there’s a reason I’ve been hiding from it - fear. There’s nothing wrong with needing help. It’s worth it.

Think about how many people I’ve met this past year. How many people I’ve “talked to”. Too many to remember. I’ve never been more alone. Zero connection. To my soul. To another soul. I haven’t felt anything in so long. Im clearly doing something wrong. So fuck it, full tilt the other way - what’s there to lose? Nothing. I need to overcome the fear of being weird. Anything could be interpreted as weird to someone who is inhibited. There’s no connection without “weirdness”. This is a fear that’s been baked into my psyche forever - it’s hard to overcome without help. Help with being uninhibited. What I’ve been doing hasn’t worked. Playing it safe doesn’t work. Too many inhibitions. What if they don’t like me? What if I don’t like them and don’t want to say something that might be exaggerated? Fuck it. Say it. Even if is exaggerated and doesn’t feel authentic. Say what you’re embarrassed to say. Force the connection at first if you have to. Exercise the muscle. Everyone wants to connect. Let them. Some people might not be ready. Or even be into you. But they want to connect. They want to connect even if it doesn’t mean a relationship. Not every connection has to permanent or life-long. Find confidence in knowing people want to connect. Don’t get deterred from trying - please always try. Stay. When was the last time I didn’t want a night to end? Spending time with someone without inhibition is easier, easier to want to spend time with someone (for everyone). Let that be a gauge: try to create that environment by being uninhibited. Make them tell you to leave.

Everything about the other person becomes more interesting when you’re uninhibited. Boring stuff too. Aim for: “I want to know everything about you”. Nothing is off the table. Remember I can’t do anything wrong. I can’t say anything wrong. In the context of wanting to connect. Bare my soul. Invite them to bare theirs. Don’t overthink, focus on being uninhibited.

I need to feel more connected. Romantically but just as importantly with friends. And family.

I need to do things even if I “regret” what I do. Touch people. Physically. Emotionally. “What if they thought it was too much? Didn’t want it?” Fuck it. No more being embarrassed. So I never see them again. Trying matters. No more meeting and not trying to connect. Leave the interaction knowing that if I did nothing else than trying to connect then I succeeded. There could be a million reasons why something doesn’t work out romantically, I’m now going to try my hardest to not allow being inhibited be one of those reasons. There have been too many missed connections.

Too many people feeling empty. Lower inhibitions. Practice. Pretend youre uninhibited if you need to put your mind there. Remember “this is a what it was like to be uninhibited. To be out of my head” and pretend. Something is clearly wrong. It’s been a year. Hundred of matches. Why don’t I find anyone attractive? No connection. Connection above all else. Being unafraid. I can be shy and want to connect. I can be confident and want to connect. But I have to try to connect. Romantically, platonically, with my environment, with myself. Whatever means. Time to unlock a new dimension. Enough is enough. Too much time wasted.

What matters? Who are you? Growing up. When you were kid. “Who are you?” And meaning it (been a struggle), being curious. Saying something that might be embarrassing. Fuck it. “Here I am”. “What’s your tattoo say” “I’m embarrassed” fuck it. “This is what I struggled with”. It’s not cliche. These thoughts are part of who I am. Bare it. Looser inhibitions. Let’s connect to God. Together. People have souls. Everyone. Yes, really everyone. I’m not better than anyone else. Me not feeling connected is my fault too. Looser inhibitions unlocks this.

Flashbacks to Colin). He might be the last person I felt deeply about? He felt it too. Why? I know why. Looser inhibitions. Full circle back to tonight. Flashbacks to the guy from Princeton, drunk on the subway, “I’ve never felt so alive”. Flashbacks to wandering around midtown (2016? 21 years old?) two gay men come up to me, stumbling, “can you take our picture?” Lost inhibitions (do we seem weird? Who cares). Connected. I don’t think they were from nyc and it reminds me of how unique feeling uninhibited with someone is. How strongly that connects two people. I don’t remember seeing two people happier.

It’s been so long since I’ve been excited about life. I feel exciting about my life now. Excited about becoming myself again. Who I really am. I can’t wait to love more. More unabashedly. I want so much more out of life because I recognize how lucky I am to experience it. I want to go so much deeper. I feel my spirit awakening and I don’t want it to stop.

Looser inhibitions.

Looser inhibitions.

Looser inhibitions.