#<- oops i lied one more thing i hope this isn’t like. idk begging for pity i’m just like. i post shit and i’m like wow thank god that’s over

[vohtaro]

.

[alcenoterius]

Unless tomorrow goes fantastic, I'm quitting my job.

I'm lead designer, I like what I do, and I hate the people I do it with.

My work has a lot of problems. So so many, of several varieties. And I’m trying to figure out wtf I’m going to say. Right now I’m at “Well, if you have nothing nice to say...” and I don’t think I’m getting far from that.

No customer loyalty. They've existed longer than I've been alive. They have customers that have been there that long. Recurring customers and accounts are charged more compared to newer ones. If a recurring customer buys $100 plus delivery of flowers and someone got a $40 arrangement without delivery online, there's a fairly good chance they'll put the little one before the other to try and hook the new one. Because the other one will come back, they have for decades. Obviously that's starting to end. Also the little ones NEVER come back. My own parents won't shop at my work now, and I don't blame them.

Uneven customer treatment. Buying flowers on large sites online is a shitty thing to do. Shame on you. Also, their pics are fucking LIES. Anyway. They will jump and lick and beg for those orders, give them priority, and they barely get paid for them. Next comes their own website, which gives free delivery which isn't entirely true. Next is phone, and lastly is in person. Which is fucking backwards. The person who is actually physically seeing you in person should get the best selection and priority.

I'm not financially valued. My manager is fucking GONE over 19/20th of the week. She gets paid TWICE what I do. For fucking nothing. She shows up to sign cheques. I have to answer almost every call. Put in every internet order. I'm also lead designer, so I KINDA MAKE ALMOST ALL THE FLOWERS. I am essentially my own manager and being paid like a fucking peasant. I get angry customers, to train other designers, on top of my work, which I would gladly do, if I was paid for it.

So much secrecy. I was about to buy a new car. Another designer pulled me over and notified me NO NO NO DON'T THEY HEARD SOME SHIT. Apparently the company is running out of money. Everyone was individually told it turns out, and to keep it a secret. Except me.If you question anything IMMEDIATE SHOUTING if that's none of your business. Someone else it turns out has been paying my cheque and showed me proof.

My manager is disgusting. She's on meth, had her kids taken because of this, and is stealing money. Everyone knows she is. She looks like a fucking cherry strudel slathered in liquid makeup. It's flaky and oozing and occasionally blood comes out. She smells like burning soapy plastic drowning in Bath and Body Works. Like I just googled "meth face" and almost all of them aren't as bad. The owner of course insists that's impossible she's just unfortunate looking, how dare we. I really think she has a personality disorder of some sort and they're all in denial, which is actually really sad. Also she has a fabricated relationship with me she brags about, which is really creepy.

No personal secrets. For a place where nothing is anyone's business, everything is everyone's business. I made it fairly far in life with an undiagnosed auto immune disease, which is a main reason I'm there, my previous job was very intense on my poor health. I found out my boss thinks my disease is stupid, because my coworkers talk shit to my actual face, which I appreciate. Everytime I've said something personal in private, someone else tells me the next day. Anytime I show interest in something, I'm a weirdo. I might add that I too have a freshly, 2.5 times diagnosed personality disorder (One was on the fence between two different things.) that makes me quiet and distrustful. I do insist it's not that that makes me distrustful, it's that I've learnt my fucking lesson. I'd rather be alone than with awful people. That isn't a psychological issue, that's called having standards. Funfact: For holidays, including ones I'm the only one there, we have dinner brought to us as a courtesy from the company. The last year I've been lead, I haven't been able to eat ANY of it. I'm then yelled at for not appreciating it.

No pride in their work. I have pride in my work. (Unless I'm forced to do something stupid, then no, fuck you giant online florist $25 items we claim to not even take. Those never look good. Ever.) If I make a vase, I like it to not look like shit. That's this service I provide. Making things look nice. We have this saying at work that's "Use what you have" and it can go die in a fire. If someone orders $200 of fucking orchids and you promised them today, you need to get your ass on that phone and order some fucking orchids. (Alternatively, you could check first. Always a good choice I think, but I'm apparently an idiot.) This leaves us with two choices, get me to call because your office manager didn't show up, or just decide to do something else. Both of these usually come with the added instructions of "Lie." Don't have the container? We get punished if we reject the other, use another and claim we misread. Don't have yellow roses? Use another or different yellows and go oops if they complain. Paid for longstem but only short available? Make it work. Those things never work, btw. Do you know what replaces roses? NOTHING. NOTHING REPLACES ROSES.

So many lies. I am generally a really honest person. I have no incentive to lie. I like seeing people's faces when they hear the truth. I come off as a very distrustful because I can't make eyecontact though. I'm unsure why I can't. I just can't. Everyone is being lied to. Everyone. The manager once told the same story THREE very different ways in front of me one afternoon about how her car died. There's always an excuse for everything. There hasn't been a single day where everything went smoothly. That too is unacceptable. Noone gives effort and lies are used to cover it. I've seen so many attempts at playing the system that are just pathetic. Nothing is ever anyone's fault (There's a long running joke that everything is my fault to the point I'm blameless because it carried so long noone can believe I did it.) and neither my boss or the manager will fix anything. I saw someone take a hammer to a car in hopes that insurance would fix a minor fucking problem.

I don't know what our purpose is. Mine is to make things beautiful. I've always been a designer. I've never had a non design job. I don't care you're getting married. I don't care you had a baby. I don't care that baby died. I don't care it's your birthday. You pay me and get beautiful things. I will do my best to make it as fabulous as I can be. Alternatively, I do know when it's not appropriate to advertise yourself. I managed to get TWO baby funerals in a row one day this week, and my boss was upset I wouldn't put a business card on them. I'm not advertising on a dead baby. I'm not charging someone more based on if they're going to a professional athlete level home. If someone drives up in a Mercedes, I don't charge them 30% more. I also don't give things away. Apparently that's wrong. Apparently treating everyone the same is wrong.

I've seen some shit. Steaming, non emoji shit. I've seen some fucking crimes against flowers. I've seen some random fucking placement of dozen roses. (THEY WERE KISSING, THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR NONE TO TOUCH, ROSES SHOULD BE A CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN DANCE, LEAVE ROOM FOR JESUS) I've seen spray painted everything. I've seen holes my head could get into. I've seen massive amounts of naked oasis foam. I've seen dead flowers go out, I've seen unacceptable substitutions, I've seen flat out ugly ass work. I'm usually blamed because I have the least experience time-wise, but it's very very concentrated. My mentor takes very great offense to it. I'm not allowed to critique because I'm youngest, and even if I did, they can't take it. The main part of being a designer is being able to be told your work is hideous and redoing it. That's literally it.

They're out of touch. I'm by far the youngest person at work. I'm literally half the age of the next person up. Nothing remotely trendy is available at my work. While we finally have social media accounts, our absent manager runs them, and almost never posts anything relatively not old fashioned. I share a bathroom with one of those skinny Chanel girls everyone warns everyone about (It's awful, help, her shoe collection is worth more than my existence) and she's absolutely mindblown that I can't make smaller, cute things. Most younger people are upset I can't do succulents (We don't carry them) we don't carry any non standard flowers, we have boring plants and we refuse to make expensive small orders to keep on hand. Flowers in a basket are a fucking crime. So are funeral easels. If someone orders "I dunno, just flowers idk," MAKE SOMETHING NEW. STOP MAKING THIS SHIT.

We're terrified of change. So many new methods of EVERYTHING exist. We won't use easier methods for corsages and processing, even ones for finance, online prescence and advertising. We're complaining about losing revenue and making zero effort to fix it. We don't complain to wholesalers if they give us shit. We tell me to use shitty roses. We don't want to upset them. We won't switch to someone else. Trying really hard doesn't make everything work. Especially when you AREN'T TRYING.

I have no reinforcements. I had three designers that showed up either half days or alternating days and one fulltime. The previous fulltime I was fulltime support to became this weird substance abusing gay Hitler, with moustache and rainbow armband, and became an entire spectrum of crazy and stopped going to work. And I took his job. So we needed to find a new me. Another girl stopped working. So we needed to find a new her. ANOTHER shattered her leg. She uhh, she ain't coming back either. I have one other designer. Noone was replaced. I'm also office manager. I still get all my shit done. I have done fucking holidays myself. I also didn't get a bonus the year I was the only designer at holiday. I realise it's called a fucking bonus, but that is douchey as fuck. Also, the years I've gotten bonuses, it's been things like giftcards to places I can't eat."Hey, I know you're a main designer and you have a disease I find really stupid, here's something you can never use." Chanel Girl has used most of them, yes.

They think I'm an idiot. Most my coworkers can also speak Spanish. I cannot. I can say "la tierra es redonda como una naranja." "Me gusta baloncesto." and "No." People have had entire conversations AT me and I never answered because I DIDN'T KNOW, WHY WOULD YOU SPEAK THAT TO ME. Obviously I'm stupid. I blend in very very well with Mexicans, I have a fabulous tan and dark hair. I grew up in a home that spoke German and I was also a faux deaf for a while growing up due to sickness. I might add my father is Spanish, and I'm used to fancy Spanish, not eeeee vato 'Spanish,' but I can't speak or understand it. (I realise this makes little sense, I grew up with olde alpine people who agreed to take care of me because they weren't douchebags.) I'm an award winning Latin translator, and I used to be a Japanese tutor. I have perfect fucking English, thank you, and my coworkers can't spell for shit. But I have no sense of direction and I can't speak Spanish, so I'm stupid. FYI, Japanese doesn't make you smart, it makes you weird.

I am an idiot. Because I put up with this. I started here for health reasons, and I didn't want to not be a designer. Being at a computer at a desk kills me inside. It was still designing, and flowers. Everyone loves flowers. Today it took me TWO HOURS to do an arrangement because the fucking phone kept ringing and noone else was there to answer. I was then asked why I hadn't finished everything and REALLY? My boss is condescending as hell. I'm not appreciated. She's stopped talking to me since we got in a fight a few weeks ago that my defense was "I'm not psychic." She told someone else I was right and has never apologised to me about anything. All the blame gets pushed to someone else and I just don't care anymore.

I'm not bettering myself. I'm bettering a company that is having their profits stolen by someone who shows up two hours a week and an owner in severe denial. I'm not allowed to do funeral arrangements, no matter how dire the situation, and I've realised this is only to hurt my market value. I can literally do everything there and I'm lowest paid. I don't have time for myself because I'm so exhausted. I'm in a perpetually vile mood because I'm resisting every urge to snap at them.

Another designer has basically warned me I will be blamed for everything. More than likely, I'm the last lead designer regardless if I quit and I will be resented forever. Everything we be my fault, and everyone but my boss knows that isn't true. When I or anyone else tries to talk about it, we're told MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS and shut out for the rest of the week. I can't get an afternoon off for health reasons while someone gets paid time off for being high as balls. And I am so done. I tried to wait and see if someone would buy the company but I just do not care anymore. I shouldn't be lead, and I am completely okay being the lowest person elsewhere or even doing something else. But I'm done here.