#i need to go find that clip but i legitimately love the fact that this exists

[batsplat]

about 2007 motegi, i’ve really thought a lot… when valentino congratulated casey on his title, he specifically mentioned his championship t-shirt. from my observation there wasn’t anything particularly special about it, it might just be valentino’s joke

but casey really cared about valentino’s actions… he not only wanted valentino’s verbal congratulations but also asked just like why didn’t you come shake my hand!!! i should get the same treatment as nicky!!!😠

(vaguely following on from this and this post) oh I remember the shirt, it's actually one of my favourite bits of niche valentino/casey lore!! valentino isn't JUST being a facetious dickhead here, his name is literally on casey's 2007 championship shirt as one of casey's heroes:

isn't this crazy?? I've never been able to find a great source for the actual list of names, so god knows how exclusive this club was... apparently casey also had the names of his ducati crew on there, which is a nice touch tbh. but he had valentino's name on that shirt!! given how by this point he was already mad at valentino for switching up towards him, it's such a funny choice to make. literally nobody would have questioned his exclusion! you're competing against the guy! idk, I love it when casey does something just a little unexpected like that, really makes you want to poke at the guy to figure out what his deal is. and pleasingly, we do also have an actual clip of valentino commenting on the shirt:

Yes, like I say before, it's a great pleasure that one of my fans wins the world championship - so I think half is also mine!

look at his smirk. insufferable. just a fantastic dynamic they've got going on, isn't it

but I did NOT know about casey complaining about not getting a cooldown lap handshake. and. lol?? casey?? come on. some dignity, please. I can't believe they actually got valentino to respond to that. reminds me of a similar-ish 'controversy' from 2010 about how jorge was accused of deliberately ignoring future teammate ben spies coming to congratulate him on the cooldown lap, as like... a form of sophisticated mind games ig. at least there it wasn't actually spies complaining. you can tell that even casey upon reflection probably decided this wasn't a legitimate grievance by how he's not brought it up again since... valentino did have a pretty nightmarish motegi race for annoying tyre-related reasons, so was understandably not in a great mood, and he was not in fact the defending champion... so like. I checked the footage and reckon valentino probably could have worked a little harder to get over to casey, but also this is obviously an extremely petty thing to complain about

and while we're talking petty, the ghostwriter of casey's autobiography thinks that casey was also pissed at valentino at the next race in phillip island for *checks notes* having a special helmet design at casey's home race? incredible scenes

literally started off the infamous phillip island streak with a spite win. your regular reminder that casey says in his autobiography that he doesn't use his rivals to motivate himself

estoril, the race before motegi, was also the race where they had their little table football date [ed.: originally thought it was at motegi itself rip. nope, table football was at the first matchpoint race]

so late 2007 is when casey really starts going in on how valentino had cooled off towards him AND talking about not liking valentino's tone in the press, that valentino wasn't as complimentary of him as he'd been at the start of the season... which might be true, but casey wasn't exactly a shrinking violet either when answering questions about valentino. as an example, this is how he's talking about valentino in july of 2007:

"This rule is not good and we need more tyres," Rossi said earlier in the week, "The problem is for the show because, at the end, it is the tyre that decides the race." "At the beginning of the season, Valentino and the others were all for the new tyre rules," Stoner points out, "but, as soon as they don't win, the rule is crap. I've had my bad races this year, especially in Germany, and I'm not complaining about the tyre rule. "They can moan and whinge about it as much as they want, but it shows that [Michelin] has had such an advantage in the past. This season, they cannot bring a tyre in just for the race [and] it's a matter of relying on the company that supports you to do a good job."

"moan and whinge" steady on casey

valentino over the years has talked about this rivalry far less than casey has... which includes not being all that interested in diagnosing when things soured interpersonally between the two of them - beyond saying a couple times in 2010-12 during the pettiest phase of the feud that casey hadn't gotten over laguna. mostly this isn't that big a problem because valentino's side of the rivalry is so much more straightforward, but it's still obviously not ideal. it's that relative scarcity which makes the following interview answer from 2009 one of my other favourite tidbits:

"He bases his sentences on the results. Even at the beginning of 2007 he was giving me a lot of compliments, then, after winning the World Championship, he started with heavy criticism."

isn't it lovely that casey thinks valentino switched up his tone towards him because casey started winning, and valentino thinks casey switched up his tone towards valentino because casey started winning... just nicely mirror each other, don't they. such good foils

so taking all these pieces of evidence together... you get a really nice sense of how casey by end of 2007 was all over the place wrt valentino. he misses valentino being as friendly to him as in years past!! he liked valentino congratulating him by rubbing his head in qatar 2007 :) enough to mention that parc fermé interaction THREE TIMES in his autobiography!! doesn't appreciate not getting his hand held after sealing the title :( is increasingly surly that whole year about how nobody is giving him enough credit for his successes :/ is building on a reputation already established in 2006 for being rather an outspoken character when it comes to complaining about everyone in complaining range... but also has an issue with valentino being rude about him in the press :| but still puts valentino on his championship shirt on his list of heroes <3 like... buddy. what is going on here

part of what's going on ofc is that casey takes offence incredibly easily and valentino can be a pretty offensive character. now, again, I really don't think valentino was doing that much in 2007, but obviously my standard for 'valentino being reasonably respectful to rivals' is probably rather different to 2007!casey's standards. it's the malice casey reads into valentino's actions that I reckon is mostly misplaced... like yeah sure valentino distances himself from championship rivals, but. y'know. that's pretty normal behaviour. the fun thing about 2007 is that knowing valentino's entire feud history, you're sort of primed to read it as valentino being the aggressor... but if anything, casey is generally openly ruder towards valentino than vice versa. now obviously, valentino at this stage is a lot better at the subtler, under the radar nastiness that must be infuriating to be subjected to... but y'know, at the end of the day valentino still isn't openly attacking casey. and when discussing this rivalry, it's crucial to acknowledge what an extremely prickly character casey is - that's what makes it so enjoyable!! even better, he's an extremely prickly character who is very ready to make enemies but is ALSO kind of weird about valentino rossi specifically

and yes, having a valentino rossi complex is basically part of the job description if you're a motogp rider of a certain age. still, always important to acknowledge that all of valentino's feuds with younger riders involved guys who were already A Bit Weird about valentino going into the rivalry, which inevitably affected how those respective rivalries ended up laying out. what's so fun about it is that all three of them express it in completely different ways - from jorge's somewhat deranged level of dedication to analysing valentino's every breath, to marc's overenthusiastic commitment towards imitating valentino and beating him and also throwing himself at him at every opportunity, to casey's rather more repressed approach where he's simultaneously extremely sensitive to any possible offence on valentino's part while also kind of wishing they could be friends...? or something? I don't even know what casey's after! doesn't help that he's subsequently retconned this period where he like... kinda looked up to valentino, sure, and respected him and all that - but certainly no mention of putting valentino on championship celebration shirts. so we still have quite a limited amount of evidence at our disposal, but I would gently suggest that casey's cool, composed 'didn't even care who I was beating' rhetoric doesn't quite match up to reality. and casey thinks that valentino got more critical of casey because he was losing and valentino thinks casey got more critical of valentino because he was winning... and the thing is, they're both going to be somewhat right!! attacking rivals from a position of strength is actually kinda part of both of their preferred MO's - it's a similarity between them that plays into how casey at times gets to play the valentino role in this rivalry. so yeah, casey will have almost certainly gotten even mouthier once he could get away with it. but equally, even though valentino wasn't escalating hostilities by his standards, even just his natural process of distancing himself a little from his direct title rivals and getting a tad snarky about them in the press wasn't exactly being well received by casey. and thus they can both say with some justification that the other rider was a lot friendlier towards them at start of the year, and both will have reacted to this in a way that helped further gradually ramp up the level of hostility. lovely stuff

still, you do have to come back to how imbalanced this rivalry was wrt how emotionally invested the pair of them were. having a firm grasp of their dynamic in 2007 is key to understanding how the whole thing subsequently played out, in part casey was less guarded and just a little more likely to let a few things slip... valentino wants to beat this challenging new rival, but I reckon he's mostly being sincere in that his main frustration in 2007 is feeling like he's not even able to fight casey at all for bike/tyre reasons. it's a rivalry he generally enjoyed when they were actually going at it! a comfort zone rivalry that really isn't all that emotionally messy from his side. even if he'll maybe still imply casey's compliments of him were never sincere, seeing how they dried up over the course of 2007... or perhaps joke about casey putting his name on his championship winning shirt, how at least he's losing to a fan... something fun about how valentino is always aware of that idolisation dynamic and is capable of playing with it, just a little. even with casey

whereas for casey, this isn't a game. casey really enjoyed valentino being nice to him and is ever so sensitive towards valentino pulling back. casey thinks valentino isn't giving him the credit he is owed and escalates his rhetoric in response. casey puts valentino's name on his championship winning shirt and then complains valentino didn't hold his hand. poor casey... it'd all be easier if he just didn't care, but that's the one thing he could never quite manage

[msvorderofoperations]

Actually, I need to talk more about weird animation.

When Defunctland made the video a while back about the Disney channel theme and it's associated bumpers (and spoke profoundly on the nature of the "use" of art and the difficulty of legacy in modern society, but I digress), it reminded me of the station idents from Teletoon, a Canadian TV channel that focused on animation. As comprehensive as the archivists work that was cited in that video is, there are far fewer people working on the same for Canadian ephemera. Which makes a certain amount of sense, since there is both less overall Canadian material to be saved, and far fewer people familiar with the media to want to track it down.

So when I tried looking up the idents that I remembered, there was basically nothing, and what little there was had very low quality. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I rewatched the Disney Channel Theme video. I tried again looking up in any of the other databases if there was anything on Teletoon. And this time, I saw that there was a draft of a page for the network as a whole on the Audio Visual Identity Database. It's still in limbo as a draft, because they only have the history going up to 2011. There are missing images, video embeds that no longer work, etc. All fairly standard problems (I imagine) for dealing with a TV network that existed in the pre-digital age.

However! They had all of the idents from when the channel first came into being, and were the ones I remembered! They have individual clips of each, from across a few different youtube channels. They had specific branding for each of the four main programming blocks, which I always found fascinating and a useful barometer for what kind of tone to expect. A full description of each clip used as well as production credits can be found in the draft of the page here.

In rewatching them again, in the suggested videos I was able to find a single video that has all of the idents used from 1997-1998 that is also very good quality.

What's wild to me though is the fact that all of these extremely stylistically different skits are done by a single animation house. Claymation, traditional hand-drawn cel animation, photo-collage, and papier mache stop motion. The breadth of skill needed to not only be able to convey very fast storytelling, but also across entirely different media is amazing. Cuppa Coffee Studios does amazing and invisible work. The ones that I have the most vivid memories of are the photo-collage car that gets completely randomized after hitting a bump, and the very last one. The 90's were an incredible time for animation, and that people were really comfortable getting DEEPLY weird with it even in mass media, is something I legitimately miss.

I feel I should mention at this point that even after I grew out of childhood, Teletoon remained my favourite TV channel for a very long time. Their commitment to only having animation or shows about the animation process helped me foster a love of the craft in all it's forms. And that they had animation from all different eras and sophistication (I'm pointedly not saying mature here, because a lot of their mature content wasn't [looking at YOU Duckman]) also showed me the breadth of what storytelling was possible in the medium. Being an agent of imperialist colonialism and being abandoned when you no longer served a purpose! The difficulties of running a small business in rural Southwestern America! Ivanhoe! The many MANY different iterations of Scooby Doo! And that was just the weekday afternoon block!

As I write this, I know that almost no one is going to have the same fondness for this thing I experienced as a kid. All the same, it does make me sad to see that Teletoon as a distinct identity is now gone. In 2023, it was fully replaced by Cartoon Network in all of it's branding and affiliate stations. It's just more of the same of the whole "these three companies own all media", but it's still a strange thing to see. Teletoon existed in the first place because outside of very specific circumstances it was actually impossible to get Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network in Canada. So seeing something created explicitly to occupy a space that a corporate entity refused to engage with get replaced by the same rankles more than a little. It doesn't even really matter that much to me, as I haven't watched network or cable television regularly in well over a decade. But still. Knowing how CN has historically and currently treated it's artists at every level certainly doesn't help.

In any case, thanks for letting me ramble about weird animation history for a bit.

[niennavalier]

So I’m sure no one cares but

I’ve recently discovered genderbent Frozen covers and animatics and honestly I love these? Like, a lot? 

(Rambly thoughts under the cut, because I got invested in talking about Disney movies and ways they write characters and generalizing stuff, despite writing this all on a whim and doing not much research but hey, that’s what this blog is for. Random thoughts about movies and stories and Youtube comments)

I mean, I’ll admit that I’ve never been a big fan of Frozen - nothing against the story (cause it is good and for all I will criticize Disney for not generally being particularly uh...keen on taking any risks, I do appreciate the way they do break the mold here) or the music (it sounds like a Broadway musical, hell yeah) - but tbh Let it Go far overstayed its welcome and yes, I’m glad kids enjoyed the movie, but we heard it nonstop for way longer than we should have. The song honestly never felt like it went away for, what like, 2 years? I can listen to songs on endless loops, and this was still too much for me. Granted, I never hated it (my brother did, possibly still does, so I didn’t mind listening to it for the sole purpose of tormenting him) but still. It sorta turned me off from the franchise. I didn’t need to hear it every time I walked into a store.

And I’ll also admit to never being big on genderbending. Nothing against people who enjoy it, but it’s never been my thing, and the few fics I’ve read with it never felt like it used the swap for any sort of message or to explore anything particularly interesting. Which I would’ve preferred, because otherwise, I didn’t see the reason for the swap, personally. (and to be fair, I turned off of this pretty quickly, so I’m sure there are good ones out there, but it’s really just never been something I’m big on)

But like...okay. There is this animatic for Show Yourself, but with the audio dropped into the male vocal range and I love it so much. It’s wonderful and adorable (and the song is legitimately very good, so I’ve seen that part, despite never having actually watched Frozen 2). And also a handful of actual covers, which are absolutely amazing. And now I’ve found the same sort of thing with Let it Go (which I’m now okay with - I guess it just takes 7 years for me to get over the oversaturation of that song in society) and like holy shit, friends. Big fan.

Scrolling through the comments also gets all the “can we please get a Disney Prince movie” thoughts and hey, I’m so on board with this. I know, there are movies with princes (Aladdin, Hercules, Lion King, etc), but it’s less that plain fact of having a prince, and more of the arc for the character? Basically, I wanna destroy the trend of having male-oriented movies be more action-adventure-y. Let boys be soft and have feelings, that’s all I ask. Make that the character arc, have your main character be male and need to discover himself, all of the fears and insecurities included, I am begging you. 

(Sidenote because I did see some other interesting mentions: I haven’t seen Hunchback, back from what I’m aware of with that movie, that one probably fits closer to what I’m talking about. Also Treasure Planet, because honestly, that really is exactly the kind of arc that I’m talking about, and there’s a reason I love that movie with all my heart, it’s amazing, and go watch it if you haven’t. But like, it’s a coming of age story with some good ol’ found family and no romance! And while Jim is really smart and has some bad-ass moments, I love when we get insight into his emotional state. But I could gush about this movie forever, moving on. The one thing about these is not the lack of royalty (for me), but just...box office? I don’t know the circumstances for Hunchback, except that the numbers apparently aren’t great, and to my knowledge, someone over at Disney just didn’t want Treasure Planet to do great, and this goes to show what marketing does. Apparently, they did the same to Emperor’s New Groove, which isn’t entirely relevant, but my point is, whoever did this to these movies, screw you, they’re wonderful)

(Apologies for the tangent)

Anyway, I’m not saying remake Frozen, but doing the genderbend works really well here, I think? Obviously, I love that Elsa’s arc is entirely her own, and stories about opening up to family and accepting yourself have messages that everyone needs to hear, regardless of any barrier. So this isn’t a criticism, just a thought. Because (granted, I’m not doing research to write this, and I’m admittedly not 100% caught up on Disney movies) it feels to me like female characters do tend to have the more emotional arcs. Talking Disney Renaissance, this feels true in the female-lead movies, especially if you compare to the respective princes. In male-lead movies, it’s not entirely true, and I’m not calling the characters flat or emotionless, but that’s not the main thing going on in the movie. (ie, Simba has his reservations about returning and so he talks to Mufasa, and that’s a big scene and its important, but it feels more like it’s just a step to ultimately taking down Scar - tbh, compare the screentimes there). Again, the Renaissance movies are fantastic and I love them, but I just want to make some comparisons. And I don’t want to delve too deep into the more recent ones, because I haven’t seen them all, but the focus seems much more on the strong, independent female-lead (again, not a criticism because we can always do with more strong ladies who don’t need no man - I am just saying). 

But anyway. Frozen. I like the idea of keeping Anna as herself, because the Hans twist and more slow-burn-y development with Kristoff is good - that accomplishes the idea of breaking down tropes. But Elsa as a male character is really interesting to me? Having an arc that centers on fear that’s born of isolation, and ends with self-acceptance and familial love, is something that I don’t recall seeing in male characters very often (not never, but not often)? But I can think of tons of male characters who appear confident and charismatic, even if that’s in their own way, and then even if we do peel back to find trauma and pain, I can think of more instances of it presenting as bitterness or anger rather than genuine fear (or at the very least, we as the audience don’t quite see that fear). I want to see a male character who was forced to repress who they are and has real fear as to who their true self is. I want this character to discover who that is and have a hard time coming to grips with it, and all that stuff because I honestly just really like writing a lot of self-deprecation. Won’t deny that. And then pairing that with magic is also just interesting IMO. I don’t know how magic tends to fall with regard to this sort of thing, but just the fact that it’s inborn and different (akin to D&D sorcery), rather than learned and understood (like D&D wizardry, or even HP wizards), is an interesting thought to me? Maybe because the “strange and different” type of magic reminds me more of the general conception of witches (or...the Salem Witch Trials) which is also more female-leaning, but I won’t stand by that super strongly, because it’s not something I’ve looked into all that much. But it means, to me, that it would be an interesting way to sorta...turn the tables in the way magic gets used.

Point being: I just think this would be a really solid message. That bravery doesn’t have to be saving the world or killing the dragon or even the self-sacrifice story that’s become more prominent in stories now. It can also come from battling your own demons and opening up to people to ask for help. Which is obviously something everyone needs to learn, but if we’re gonna fight the submissive female character trope with some badass heroines, then I say we also do the same thing in reverse for our male characters. Just a thought

[hellsbellschime]

First off congratulations on your new job! That’s wonderful! Secondly, I love seeing so many new video’s on your channel. I was watching a few clips of Kit’s recent Q&A session with fans and he talks about his abusive relationship habit going to back to his relationship with Cat. Do you have a take on Jon’s internal struggle with being rejected and the shame of being a bastard? He thinks a lot about this issue in the books and it influences a lot his feelings, decisions and actions.

Thanks! And yeah I'm attempting to put the grind in until Christmas at least and then will probably go back to 1 video a week. And I think that Jon's feelings about bastardy will ultimately wind up being an ironic way of teaching him that the standards and restrictions of Westerosi society are bullshit. He internalizes a lot of shame and complex feelings about being a bastard, but I think that he will ultimately find out that he was actually the "legitimate" child of Rhaegar and Lyanna, but will be repulsed at the fact that his biological father would abscond with a teenage girl, abandon her on the other side of the continent, and let the realm devolve into civil war just because he thought that Jon was the super special snowflake that the world needed. I think once he finds out the truth he's going to realize that being Ned Stark's bastard was far better than being the legitimate son of Rhaegar Targaryen.

[patchesproblem]

I would like to know all of your Einsla hcs

I want to say that you're more powerful than anyone I know. I have so many.. I apologize in advance for the length of this.

This is probably going to be written across a few hours since I'm emotionally dead at this very moment and can't really process things as clearly as I'd prefer, so if anything gets repeated or it devolves into nonsensical ramblings I'm sorry.

Gay under the cut

This might be all over the place and jump between Lab 42 and current time, so uh oops...

Since this is all just hc's one of the first ones of mine is that Ein is 17 while Tes is 19. Einstein's birthday is towards the end of December while Tesla's is around the end of January. I have specific dates but eh. If anyone's interested I'll add them in later. Also headcanon them as extremely mean lesbians, and that they're both ace.

One of the first things is that I legitimately believe that they're soul mates. Which doesn't really affect anything or matter much, but they're always together in every universe. No matter what they manage to find their way to each other and it's sweet.. I love them. Even in the PE Einstein and Tesla were with each other, and Tesla's departure affected Einstein so badly she started wearing her glasses and dyed her hair to match hers.. They're soul mates and I refuse to hear differently..

Going off of in game information (aka their memory clips from the dorms and the AE VN) I personally believe they met each other in 1953. It's really the only thing that makes sense, because so much happened and you can't tell me that it all happened within the span of one year.

1953 is when the first eruption occurred, and soon after Planck and Einstein joined the American branch of Schicksal. Tesla began studying under Planck, and they quickly became friends. Of course it was a bit.. Interesting at first. Tesla had her whole song and dance of 'threaten people so she doesn't get attached and hurt' but they became friends rather quickly. Planck probably wasn't that amused just because Tesla's destructive, but whatever makes her little girl happy ig.

They became friends and were basically inseparable. They actively made each other worse. They looked at each other and went 'Yeah I can make her worse.' Dumbasses, truly.

Putting this in after the fact, but Tesla likes to think that she almost scared Einstein off at first. That was very much not the case, and she knew that she wasn't as big and bad as she tried to come across. Though she lets her think that just because it's harmless and helps her sleep at night.

At first Tesla was weary of Einstein, but like I said they quickly grew on each other. The reason I say this is just because I can imagine her thinking 'wow child prodigy. Can't wait for her to think she's better than everyone else and then be the dumbest person alive.' Was not the case. She is better than everyone else and Tesla loves her for it and will make sure that Everyone knows it. They are beneath her and she will make sure you know it.

Whenever one of them went the other followed even if they weren't needed just for funsies. They always worked together (Einstein would say it's just because Tesla stared at her pathetically but she just wanted to. Her looking pathetic was only a bonus because she could say she felt bad for her or something if questioned.)

They acted as each others emotional support in a sense. Since they met soon after Karl died I like to think that Tesla was always there for her when she couldn't handle dealing with it on her own. Along with this I think that during the time Tesla had to work with Dipshit 1 (aka Edison) Einstein was there to help keep her sane and help her not completely break down. I won't be going too much into this for my own sanity, but soon after Tesla tried to burn down Dipshits office (With Einsteins encouragement) they both just bailed and went to Lab 42 after Einstein got her doctorate.

This one is something I wouldn't shut up about the other day, but it means sm to me and if I'm yelling about my headcanons about them it'd be a crime to not mention it.

I don't think Einstein ever said anything to Tesla after she wasn't able to get her degree too. She never mentioned it nor did she really care. It's hard to explain but she knew that a silly piece of paper didn't determine how much she actually knew essentially. She saw her as her equal and not having a diploma wouldn't change that.

Another headcanon I have is that Einstein dragged Tesla along with her to Lab 42 and refused to work with anyone else other than her. Reason they went to Britain in particular is just because that's where Schicksal assigned them, and it got Tesla away from Dipshit 1 so it worked.

Taking a short break from that but I want to just say how much I legitimately think they care for each other. It's shown in the VN a little, but not much since it's coming from Welt's POV and both of them aren't as affectionate in front of others since yanno. Professionals.

They're really the only two people who actually understood each other in a sense. Like with Ein people mostly just saw her as a child prodigy who thought she was better than everyone else, and Tesla was just seen as an angry ridiculous person who was too emotional and needed to act her age.

It's difficult to explain, but I hope you kinda get the idea. Ein didn't have to act like a mature adult when around Tes and could actually just act like herself. Same went for Tesla, and she didn't have to worry about being belittled for just existing in a way others deemed childish. I've said this before and I'll say it again. A lot of what Tesla get's upset over makes sense. She HAS A RIGHT to be upset over it.

Along with this I hc Tesla as having ADHD and depression which makes her situation worse since emotional dysregulation often comes hand in hand with it. Literally only thing getting mad at her for the way she reacts does is make the situation worse. Hence why when Tesla gets mad at Welt Ein tells him to just leave her alone and don't bring it up again.

I could make an entire post explaining why I think ADHD Tesla is real, but that's the basic parts that's needed for this so.

Einstein actually made an effort to understand and over time they've come to a point where they've developed ways to actually communicate even when Tesla's on the verge of murder. Like Tesla has slight differences that she's caught on to and is able to use that to figure out how to help. She'll just try to give her space and just do small things to try to help calm her down as much as she can. Either that or she'll just sit / lay with her for awhile to make sure she either A. falls asleep or B. knows she's there for her and hopefully allow her to feel like talking.

The same goes for Einstein as well. Tesla helps her in ways that she herself doesn't even realize, yet they mean the world to Einstein. She'll be in a bad mood or having a bad day and then as soon as Tesla starts ranting and rambling about something she'll immediately start feeling better. If she knows that Einsteins having a bad day she'll start doing things in an attempt to help her feel better. She'll immediately go into over protective wife mode and make her favorite meal, watch her favorite show with her, etc.

This is just a side note, but I like to believe that Einstein made Tesla stop drinking. She got worried and basically said "No we're stopping this now." Let me cope okay.

Back to my nonsense from before, Planck knew before anyone else about their feelings for each other. She's the living embodiment of the homophobic dog meme and I will not elaborate further. Now she never explicitly says she knows, but I mean considering how much she relentlessly teases Tesla over it.. Yeah she knew. She probably took bets on how long it'd take for them to actually start dating with her co workers tbh.

Anyways, soon after they went to work in Lab 42 their stupidity just escalated. They made their lesbianism everyone elses problem. The Finn was convinced that they were dating. Truly their #1 ally. Though I will say they probably just got even closer during this time period. It was during this time that they made their little robots in their stupid little rivialry, and it was just chaos. They caused a few explosions by mistake, but sometimes things happen yanno?

Often times they'd stay up late either in their lab or just talking in one of their rooms. There was a few times where they'd be waiting for something to process and 'accidentally' fall asleep on each other. Though tbh they're probably really affectionate in general. Tesla's protective of her to begin with, and Einsteins an absolute menace who enjoys teasing and embarrassing her any chance she gets. It was probably around this time that Einstein knew something was up but she herself was too oblivious to actually realize it. They're both just disasters and got so used to existing like that it wasn't until Welt came around and suddenly became homophobic that she was like "oh. Is this not normal?"

Tesla and Einstein became even more inseparable after the 1955 incident. While before they could still act as functioning humans, after that they would start panicking if they didn't see the other. They had constant nightmares after that and honestly probably couldn't even sleep unless they knew the other was by them. Over the years it got better, but even to this day they still get panicky sometimes when their depression / ptsd flairs up.

This eventually led to them holding hands / each other in their sleep just to make sure they both knew the other was still there and safe, and it just became a habit they still continue to this day even if the nightmares are rarer than they once were.

I've written about this before I think, but I like to think that after the events of November 24th that as soon as Einstein woke from her coma she immediately started trying to figure out where Tesla had gone and immediately went looking for her. It just makes the most sense to me, honestly.

LESS DEPRESSING THINGS ASIDE!! WHILE I'M THINKING ABOUT IT!! Einstein 100% does Tesla's hair and make up often just because she's 'too tired' to do it herself. It started off as that, but eventually it just became a common occurrence just because it give's them an excuse to be stupid and show care for the other. Tesla loves when she does it because she's just a cat pretending to be a human and loves the attention. Fun fact she's probably gotten better at doing it than Tesla herself. I like to imagine that Tesla gets frustrated when dealing with knots so Ein helps get them out for her. Funnily enough she does a better job at taking care of Tesla's hair than Tesla herself. Despite Einstein not really having knots or tangles, she's surprisingly really good at getting rid of them. Tesla barely even feels anything, even if the knots so bad you'd think a tornado hit her.

Speaking of cat pretending to be a human, Tesla has these little noises that she'll make. It sounds stupid yes, but Einstein learned what each one means over the years. Tesla will be laying there and make a happy little noise without thinking about it and she'll just smile to herself.

Tesla also had this stuffed cat that she still has to this day that she cherishes deeply, and they both have plans on adopting a kitten one day and naming it after it. This is something that I'll write a fic about eventually, but she's just as big of a menace as they are.

There's also been a few times where Einstein just fell asleep on Tesla while she just gave her little scritches after she either had a bad day or work tried to kill them both. Which is often both.

OH and on the topic of them being soft and gay.. Einstein keeps their room freezing cold because she over heats easily and can't stand the heat. This, of course, only results in Tesla shoving herself as close to her as humanly possible because she's cold, but no matter what she'd probably be doing that anyways tbh. At least this way they both win. Though Tesla actually doesn't mind as much as she complains about it. However it also becomes a slight problem because Tesla's hair gets stuck in the buttons on Einsteins pajamas LMAO. They're a little dumb.

Speaking of being dumb, Tesla losing her immunity to the cold is literally just because of her own actions. What if I told you that although she was immune to the cold she just started complaining just to get Einstein to hold her which led to her getting too used to it and actually starting to get cold.

Einstein relentlessly bullies Tesla for being a ginger. That is all.

They have a secret language that they use to talk with each other. Yes, they formed an entire language. Yes it uses the most complex mathematical equations you've ever seen. It was originally made to quickly talk to each other through someone else, but it very quickly devolved into both of them using it just to talk without anyone else knowing.

The amount of times poor Joachim has had to take file folders between the two because they 'accidentally took the others work' is too many to count. He's been delivering their angry ramblings to each other for years and he doesn't even know it.

I've mentioned this somewhere else before, but they both keep each other alive in a sense. Without the other they both just kinda start questioning why they're still there. They're the light of each others life even if they bicker like an old married couple.

Tesla will come up with the strangest inventions / experiments but without fail you will find Einstein either A. Helping her with said strange invention or experiment, or B. somewhere nearby to make sure she doesn't get herself killed. The popcorn machine incident must not be forgotten.

Tesla also steals Einstein's jacket any chance she gets. Though they both do, to be honest. It's just less noticeable when Einstein steals Tesla's because it's often when they're off work and are just staying home or going out to see the light of day and touch grass.

Oh fun fact, a majority of the Anti-Entropy staff already knew that they were dating before they did. When they finally 'officially' were they all just acted surprised. Tesla wasn't amused. At all.

If one of them has a long day at work and the other is working in their office they'll just sit there with the other while they work. There's actually been a few times where Tesla or Einstein would just sit on the others lap watching as they work.

They adopted Joachim after the events of the VN and ever since then he's been stuck in a constant loop of "Go as your mom" and "Go ask your mother." He's so tired he can't deal with them and their shenanigans anymore.

Einstein secretly has a photo album that she keeps and updates with pictures of them and Joachim, little letters they've written to each other, and a few other important things that she plans on showing Tesla eventually. When? No clue. Probably an anniversary date, or a day that's really important to them.

Despite all they've been through whenever they're alone together they're able to act like their old selves again. They also tend to call each other by their actual names instead of their last names (Lieserl and Nikola respectively). Everything just feels as if nothing happened and that they're just stupid teenage scientists again. They have so many inside jokes with each other that you could make an entire novel just out of the ones that come to mind first.

In a timeline where god didn't completely hate them I like to think that them, Karl, Welt Joyce, Emma Planck, Elysia, and Eden were all just a stupid little family. When they eventually got married they made Welt be the flower girl and their robots were the ring bearers. Why they made him be the flower girl? It was Tesla's idea. They're mortal enemies yet they're the best of friends. He's just glad that she didn't make him stand still as a decoration. Take what you can get yanno.

Einstein basically grounded Tesla after she pulled her little stunt during the HoV's awakening. Tesla walked up to her talking about how she managed to make make the honkai cure and how she did it without anyone else's help. Yeah Einstein proceeded to pass out cold and didn't wake up for several hours. She was Not Happy. They got lucky Himeko took the L for them because otherwise Anti-Entropy would've been at a disadvantage since one of their leaders was out cold.

Of course while Einstein was proud of her to a certain extent, she was MAD. Like SERIOUSLY UPSET. She understood why Tesla did it. She knew that Tesla had always felt bad for what happened to her (i.e. her son murdering her dad even if it was justified, and then her son lying to her which resulted in her becoming a valkyrie and essentially ruining her own life.), but at that moment she didn't care. She was scared and worried for her and refused to let her out of her sight for over a month.

The thing about it is that while she knows Tesla did the right thing, the fact she did that without someone else around scared her more than anything. She's always been reckless but never to the point of injecting literal honkai into herself. Everyone in her life has died from Honkai, or causes related to Honkai. She was scared. The realization the she nearly lost her sent her into a panic and she just. Passed out. Afterwards she went on a very long panic and anxiety fueled rant to her about how reckless and irresponsible she was, and that she needed to be more careful. The reasoning behind refusing to let her out of her sight is more complicated than just "You're in trouble."

The cure had barely been tested, and to be quite honest as much as she trusts Tesla's math and theories she did not trust Schicksals. She was scared that there would be side effects that they weren't aware of and that Tesla would get hurt, or worse. If something happened to her she knew that she was the only person who had ANY chance of saving her, and the thought of her getting hurt near the front lines without anyway to get to her made every moment she wasn't in her sight terrifying.

Of course Tesla wasn't amused by this, and complained the whole time, but hey. Sometimes you just do what you have to do. Tesla quickly became less mad when the next month was just spent with Ein giving her affection. When in doubt, give your angry cat wife affection. Will solve any problem, just trust me. Einstein made her promise after that she would never do anything like it ever again, and Tesla complained before agreeing just to get her to stop being mad lmao.

Tesla also gets extremely embarrassed when Einstein tries to show affection or flirt with her in front of others. The great Frederica Nikola Tesla can't be seen as weak or have anyone know she is emotionally vulnerable. Truly an absolute disaster of a lesbian and I love her for it.

On a more depressing note, Tesla despises Ein seeing her in the midst of a melt down / break down. She's open with her yeah but also there's been times where she just refused to even acknowledge soemthing was wrong which just ended with her locking herself in a room for several hours on end feeling miserable.

Tesla also learned how to sew. She did this purely because she wanted to fix Eins old scarf since it'd gotten torn up, and I like to think she made her a new one after the second eruption happened and well.. yanno... Tbh I feel like Tesla's picked up a ton of random hobbies specifically because she wanted to do something nice for Einstein.

Another little thing is that I think it'd be cute if Tesla and Einstein had matching plushies that they'd take with them whenever one had to go somewhere else and the other couldn't follow. It was effective, kinda. They still miss each other.

Ein and Tes will rope each other into doing the dumbest experiments known to man kind, but it's exciting to them

. Bonding hours until something goes wrong and their lab is destroyed for the sixth time that week and Joachims on their asses over it.

I like to think that Tesla will just come up with the strangest, most out of left field invention ever and Ein will help her with it even if she's questioning how she got here the entire time.

In current time Tesla and Einstein either have the best sleep schedule in the world or the most destroyed caffeine addicted highschooler who hasn't slept in sixty years schedule ever. There's no inbetween.

Neither really mind though. To be quite honest half the time they just stay up talking about whatever happened that day or some random experiment idea. Either that or Teslas ranting and rambling about how someone made her mad. It happens often.

They both will also stay up all night playing video games. Tesla bullies Einstein at how bad she is at them, but one of these days Einstein will beat her at her own game. Just watch her. She's determined.

They probably play Minecraft LMAO- I don't know why I can just see them playing it together. Tesla likes to build and Ein likes to watch her as she rambles on and on about what she's building. Einstein probably goes out to get the stuff she needs, and when she's not home she'll get on just to farm a bunch of stuff to help her out.

They probably have several entire pinterest boards full of building stuff tbh. I also think that Tesla probably went out of her way to make them both matching Minecraft skins because Einstein wouldn't change hers because she was too lazy.

Tesla also constantly steals Einsteins jacket just because. Though Einstein steals hers so they're even.

I feel like Einstein uses 'dear' a lot towards Tesla. I don't know why it just makes sense to me. She probably picked it up from Planck tbh.

A really REALLY cursed headcanon I have is that both the way they got together and the way they eventually got engaged / married was equally as big of a mess. Now, imagine the scene. You're sitting there minding your own business when you see the two anti entropy doctors just staring at each other because they just tried to propose to each other at the same exact time. They are now bickering over who gets to propose. You do not get paid enough to deal with this.

In the main universe I think their wedding was.. Extremely small tbh..

Planck was there, and they probably put a picture of Welt, Karl, and Schrodinger in the front seats so they could at least be apart of it even if they never got to see it for themselves. Though as depressing as this is Tesla made sure they went ALL OUT on it. Like this girl was planning for MONTHS IN ADVANCE and hand checked LITERALLY EVERYTHING. She even spent literal hours doing Eins make up for her and dressing her up for the funsies.

It wasn't even because she didn't trust her to look nice, it was literally just because Tesla wanted to make her feel special. She wanted to make sure she knew how important she was to her, and make her feel as special as Einstein had made her feel throughout the years. Einstein complained a bit, unsurprisingly. Though it was more out of boredom of having to sit there than actual annoyance at Tesla. Honestly it's still probably one of their most cherished memories tbh.

One of my favorite hcs is that they're both just rambling menaces. Tesla will be telling Einstein about a new hobby, interest, or fact she's learned and Einstein will sit there listening intently while asking questions since Tesla tends to have a difficult time fully explaining things bc adhd is a bitch. She also probably writes down notes as if she was studying in a class lmao. Along with that when Einstein starts rambling Tesla always listens and looks at her as if she's being told the most interesting thing in the world, even if it's something as small as a cool rock she found. It's not often she gets to see her so passionate and outwardly excited about something and she cherishes every moment it happens.

They'll both secretly do research into the others new obsession / interest so that they know what questions to ask and so they're able to talk to the other about it.

One of Tesla's favorite things about Einstein is just how she seems to light up when she's talking about something she's heavily interested in. Seeing her unfiltered genuine joy just does something to her and every time she see's her happy she can't help but fall in love all over again. She's stupid and seeing her wife happy and excited just makes her turn into a mess and her smile just kills her.

There's also little things that they like about each other that the other really has zero clue about. For example Tesla always wears this certain perfume and it's become almost a comforting thing for Ein as weird as it is to say. With Tesla it's mostly what I explained above. Seeing Einstein happy and enjoying life means more than anything to her.

Sometimes Tesla will just fall asleep on top of Ein while they're laying on the couch watching a show or something, or when they're just sitting near the fireplace in the winter.

Especially during the winter their favorite past time is curling up together under blankets and drink hot chocolate on their days off. Tesla has this love of peppermints that Einsteins been aware of for years at this point, and every time she makes them both some she always makes sure to stick a peppermint stick in for her. Tesla is somehow still always just as excited and surprised as the last time. Somehow.

OH OH OH!!! HOLIDAYS!! HOLIDAYS ARE HELL IN THE EINSLA HOME!!

Neither should be trusted in the kitchen. They're chaotic messes of human beings that would make Gordon Ramsay have second thoughts about his choice in profession. Though believe it or not Tesla and Einstein can cook, but they're stupid. Tesla is probably the better one of the two but they both put in the same amount of work. Especially when it comes to holiday meals. Though this also leaves them both in the kitchen.

Tesla and Einstein will be holding a knife and threaten the other with it, all the while teasing and smiling at each other. Though there's probably been a food fight at least a few times. The kitchen was a disaster by the end of it, but hey at least they got to enjoy the holiday with each other.

Actually speaking of cooking.. I like to think that if they know the others had a hard day at work before they got home that the other would try to have dinner done for them. Like if Einstein was having a bad day Tesla would try to make sure her favorite food was ready by the time she got back, and vice versa.

Though they also probably don't cook as often as they probably should lmao. Just like in lab 42 they probably survive off pizza deliveries.

Speaking of deliveries.. Einstein will come up with ridiculous names just to mess with Tesla. She can't use her real name since she's legally dead, and neither can Tesla since she should be dead too. Every time she chooses a name to be written down she tries to come up with the most normal yet extremely weird name just to see Tesla's reaction. It's almost never good. Tesla isn't amused by her wife choosing "Chad" as a name.

There's been several times where Tesla will do Einsteins make up only to forget that she's already done hers and go to kiss her, resulting in her accidentally messing the others up. She dies on the inside every single time. Einstein just teases her over it and tries to hide her smile.

Tesla's way of saying "I love you" is her saying "I will kill you."

Anytime Tesla threatens Einstein she just says "Oh, really now Nikola?" or "Oh, really now Dr. Tesla?" If they're by each other there's a 50/50 chance that she'll lay on or lean against the other and just say "You would never hurt me," just to mess with her. It works every time because Tesla just angrily seethes from embarrassment and annoyance.

Neither of them like keeping secrets from the other. They both have known each other so long and so well that they're able to tell when somethings off about the other. Even if it's just a slight change, it often means that something else is going on. The only secrets they keep from each other are when they're planning on surprising the other. However, everything else they try to talk about.

Tesla and Einstein went back to Lab 42 once, decades later. They'd managed to get it back relatively quickly, though neither had the strength to get themselves to go to it. When they went back memories flooded back, and they stayed for a few hours just reliving some of their happier memories there. Though they left pretty quickly since along with the good came reminders of their reality.

Tesla usually sleeps with soft and fluffy blankets and two or three stuffed animals. Of course she threatens Einstein and made her promise she'd never tell anyone, but it's still a fact.

Whenever Einstein's upset and having a bad mental health day Tesla often holds her and tries to comfort her. This is especially true during the winter months, since that's when things typically get bad for the both of them. Once you add on what happened in November and January first.. You have a recipe for disaster.

Both of them would do almost anything for the other. Even though they bicker a lot and mess with each other, they're just two idiots in love at the end of the day. I might make another post continuing this since I'm very much sure I've missed something, but here's the ones I can currently remember. I have another hc post I'll link below.

I have A Lot more that involve other characters so I'll be making a post about that soonish. I'd add them in here but I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted because god hates me, and this post has already gotten long enough (I believe it's around 5k words now.. Sorry..)

I love them sm and you have no clue how happy it makes me knowing that people like hearing about my headcanons about these two. I think about them too much honestly.. Idk they're just my little stupid children that help me cope. My dumbasses. My daughters. My little losers. Girlfailure x Girlboss.

[kumaradosha]

I’m seeing a whole lot of bad takes and ignorance of past/present content and lack of critical thinking or ability to understand character motives regarding this most recent Dream SMP lore. So please, allow me to lay down some facts, some sense, and also some speculation of my own. This’ll be really rambly, because I’m tired, and I want to say a lot. Rewatching ALL the streaming perspectives now, my thoughts start here:

Considering Sam doesn’t want to enter the cell to dirty his hands himself, he clearly has some aversion or moral qualms about torturing prisoners, but Quackity has convinced him to go along with it. Quackity spends a lot of time before he goes into the cell repeatedly making sure Sam won’t have a change of heart and intervene, which indicates Sam probably has some misgivings. Quackity feels he has to remind Sam that this is for the greater good and to stand back and let him do his thing and that this will probably be the last time. These are all reassurances and instructions that would not be necessary if Sam were known to be totally cool with it all already.

Sam believes the stringent measures Dream put in place for the prison are just desserts for him to suffer, but Techno doesn’t deserve the same cruelty, because Techno didn’t enact those rules. And that’s why Techno gets baked potatoes from Sam, and Dream doesn’t. Sam clearly believes this harsh treatment is justified, because Dream was going to do it to someone else. He thinks he’s being just. Of course, allowing the torture, though not his idea and not really comfortable to him, was still crossing a line, considering physical torture was not something Dream did to his victims (and besides, there’s the argument that not everything a criminal has done is morally correct to be done to the prisoner regardless). That, he was convinced, was for the greater good, to get the revive book. Quackity manipulated him; he thinks he’s doing what’s best, but no, of course that doesn’t make him right or his hands clean.

Sam wanted the dog dead because it’s a security risk, especially with Quackity entering the cell with two other people. He killed it later for the exact same reason. Y’all act like nobody else has ever killed an animal in Minecraft RP; get it together. Is Sapnap also evil? Tommy? He killed his own cat. Random animals are not treated with the gravity you guys are giving them; it makes no sense to call out this one time.

When Techno raised the point that he would be fine if Quackity killed him, because Dream could just bring him back, Dream countered with his warning that Techno doesn’t want to experience death, judging by how messed up it made Tommy. What motive would he have to argue that, aside from actually caring about Techno’s well-being? If Dream was only thinking of himself, he would benefit from Techno being willing to die and be brought back to life by him, giving him an easy reason not to give the resurrection knowledge to Quackity. I honestly can’t think of a reason he would argue other than the fact that he doesn’t want Techno to die even temporarily or experience death--that he cares. Interesting...

Dream hiding in the escape tunnel to make it look like he disappeared too was 5,000 IQ, but he didn’t do it just to be silly or smart. Quackity literally threatened to kill Dream when he came back. Dream HAD to pretend to disappear, because he was legitimately in fear for his life. You saw how terrified he was when Sam found him, how he just immediately begged him not to tell Quackity. He was afraid Quackity would come back and kill him before Techno managed to come back and break him out. He believed that would be his fate and had to make a last ditch attempt to avoid that outcome.

Phil confirmed on stream that the blueprints Techno was led to via coordinates are for the prison. Not Tubbo’s missing nuke, like I’ve seen speculated.

“Steve is your polar bear” was written on stream during the “Prison Podcast” Technoblade lore. This is not a mystery. Dream said he wrote it down when Techno started talking about Steve rescuing them.

If Sam doesn’t approve of Quackity killing Dream, why doesn’t he just tell Quackity Dream is still in the prison but not allow Quackity in anymore? Quackity needs Sam to lead him inside, to let him in. Since when did he have any power against Sam to force him to let him in? I don’t understand why Sam has to keep it a secret just to keep Dream alive. Just don’t let Quackity into the prison anymore. Clearly it was a bad idea, since all these security risks happened while Quackity was getting a free pass to not follow the rules of the prison.

Dream casually walking in the way of Sam’s pickaxe to disrupt his swing once Sam almost had the bell broken gets me every time.

The rapport between c!Dream and c!Sam in prison fascinates me. Clearly Dream is much bolder with Sam than Quackity and still seems to trust his sense of duty to a degree. Sam is also more malleable, convinceable, his fatal flaw being actually listening and talking to Dream, even after it clearly messes with him psychologically. He let Quackity manipulate him, too, and he compromises too much. That might seem weird to say, considering the harsh conditions he has Dream in, but. He does give in to a few things.

I’m wondering if Dream wanted to go to the courtyard hoping it was less secure and easier for Techno to break him out of.

Sam has no reason to lie and gaslight about Dream being the one to suggest raw potatoes and sealing up the courtyard. That’s not in his character to do. So clearly Dream suggested these things. In fact, we have proof. Search for the clip of Dream revealing a teaser for future lore, with him telling Sam the hole in the courtyard ceiling for the light is a security flaw. He straight up says that. Update yourselves. Furthermore, are the recordings we have of Dream suggesting nicer features for the prison even lore? Are they in-character, or was it cc!Dream and Sam making plans? I’m genuinely asking, because I don’t remember/am not sure. In any case, clearly the plans changed at some point, and they were Dream’s idea.

Dream said he didn’t realize how bad it was until after he experienced it. This could very well be a lie. However, it could also be a wake-up call. We just don’t know. Dream clearly possesses low empathy, and every person at some point doesn’t fully realize how poorly another being can feel in a bad situation. Sometimes it actually does take experiencing it yourself to realize how it feels. People can do cruel things to others before the empathy fully clicks. It is possible that Dream really does only now understand how harsh his plans were. Unfortunately, it’s just as likely he doesn’t care and is pretending to, because he has a history of acting, lying, and manipulating. We just do not know, and I think that’s part of the fun, the speculation. Note that none of this is excusing what he’s done; that bores me. I just like understanding characters and their psychology and motives.

Sam is ASKING if Dream had this prison built for Tommy. He is suspicious that that is the case. Dream did not TELL him this, because OBVIOUSLY Sam would have absolutely nothing to do with building a prison he knew Dream meant for Tommy. So no, Sam thought it was for something else. And guess what? It was. Back during the disc war finale stream, Dream told Tommy and Tubbo that the prison was originally intended for someone else (maybe multiple people, the number was not specified), but that he changed his mind and would now put Tommy in it (ha ha punny). Tubbo asked who it was originally intended for, and Dream wouldn’t tell him, preferred to keep it a mystery. Dream had zero reason to say this if it weren’t true. In fact, it would have been more impactful to pretend (or admit) he intended it for Tommy all along. Think of the horror, or even the betrayal finding out Sam, his friend, helped make it. So yes, there is every indication that it is the truth--Dream meant the prison for someone else at first.

And Dream didn’t argue with Sam’s accusations, because why WOULD he? If he didn’t tell Tubbo who it was for, he wouldn’t tell Sam now. Plus, he wouldn’t want to argue with Sam, make him more heated and less sympathetic, and risk him deciding to tell Quackity Dream was there after all. Dream has no reason to speak up. Let Sam think what he wants. Dream’s silence does not mean confirmation. This is not a new thing with him. He keeps things mysterious, and there is a lot about his planning and mindset he does not disclose.

Now, whether Dream made the prison harsher before or after he decided he wanted Tommy in it is up for speculation. We don’t know that timeline.

Anyway, Sam’s speech about Dream getting what he deserves is really delicious. All these people out here mocking Dream fans for Dream still being in prison (like Techno’s not imminently coming to break him out, hello?) and being told off by Sam, yet plenty of us are enjoying it, too, like?? Bruh, what kind of Mary-Sue-touting asshole likes characters who are flawless who never go through strife? Can’t be me. I love watching my favs through triumph AND despair, so this is all just a win for me, thanks.

It is possible to sympathize with a bastard who is highly flawed and wrong AND to understand his motivations without justifying his actions AND to realize he deserves punishment (though to what degree I don’t care to argue). All the black and white morality and taking one extreme stance of “this character is perfect!” OR “this character is wholly evil and only ever does things to be sadistic!” and polarizing the community is cringe, yo. You need to calm down. Enjoy the ride or like...get off?

Anyway, Dream is my favorite, Techno is my second favorite, I adore Sam, I really enjoy Quackity, and the SMP wouldn’t be the same without Tommy. So much love for all of this creative work and its creators. I’m having a blast.

[f1-disaster-bi]

Schitts creek anon here and wow I’m tearing up that open mic with dando scene was so so cute I’m legitimately crying 🥺🥺🥺

I think there’s actually a clip somewhere of Daniel really singing along to the best at a party, I tried to find it but I couldn’t 🥲 so it’s actually confirmed, Daniel is Patrick.

Do you have a headcanon for what Lando’s olive branch response (and why he would even need to give Daniel one) would be? 🥰🥰

I couldn't help it! The idea got stuck in my head and I'm just so soft for it! Just Lando who had his emotionally abusve and manipulative ex telling him he's not worth it ruin his idea of romance and love, and then there is Daniel who is so sweet and fun and talking about Lando as if he's the sun and it just makes Lando realise love can be good and he's found the one🥺🥺

THE OLIVE BRANCH <3 That is one of my favourite scenes!

I can see maybe having had a fight because maybe Daniel's ex or another driver that was flirting with Daniel, kisses him or makes a move on him and instead of shutting it down, Daniel awkwardly makes a joke and Lando who has definitely been cheated on by his ex, just shuts down.

And Daniel realises he fucked up, but gives Lando space and only interacts with him at work for awhile aside from giving him gifts. And Lando, who never had someone care that much, maybe lets it go on a little too long despite knowing that he forgives Daniel and is ready to talk about it and move on.....Daniel catching on to the fact, and being a bit annoyed that Lando would leave him in limbo about their relationship so it's Lando's turn to reach out the olive branch

I can see Lando doing something sweet and out of his comfort like showing Daniel his art that he made about them. Lando being into art, and drawing but never telling Daniel because its personal and he's a little embarrassed about it....but he wants to give Daniel something special so he gives him the art he made of them based on their first kiss and Daniel can just feel how much Lando loves him from the way it's drawn and coloured so carefully

[catharsis-in-a-bottle]

AHSDHFHHJKKHD

THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT. WAS SO FUCKING GOOD. 

[spoilers below if you haven’t seen it and you want to]

Here are some of my (not in any particular order) bullet points. This is gonna be long as hell because, you know, brain dumps amiright

First off, Anya Taylor-Joy’s acting. Is just incredible. In particular moments, you can tell what she’s thinking with a simple hand gesture or with the tiniest raise of an eyebrow. She develops Beth’s signature facial expressions and movements throughout the show, and you just feel like you know her. And during her chess matches, sometimes it feels like she’s staring into your soul. Especially when she gives that badass chin-on-the-hands look and she knows she’s going to win. Powerful energy.

Secondly, I fucking knew I recognized Harry Beltik from somewhere else but my mom didn’t BELIEVE me and then I looked up the actor and he’s DUDLEY DURSLEY, I WAS RIGHT MOTHER, I WAS RIGHT

I love love love how they didn’t make, like, a major romantic plotline. Beth doesn’t end up with a partner - she ends with a bunch of super supportive friends that have her back by the time she gets to Moscow, and like, she has a crush on Townes but they end up being just like super good and healthy friends and I love it?? So much?? Thank you producers

Townes. Just, in general. I really like his character, he’s super nice and his voice is oddly soothing

BORGOV. I LOVE BORGOV. HE IS SO GODDAMN RESPECTFUL. Like, he seemed like a very cold character at first - well-mannered and extremely professional, yes, but rather cold. But when she wins in Moscow? “It is your game. Take it.” I LOVE THAT SO MUCH. AND HE HUGS HER AND STARTS CLAPPING AND THE AMOUNT OF RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AND AFFECTION IN THAT SCENE IS INCREDIBLE. And you don’t see any of that in Borgov’s face when he’s playing. His facial expressions do not change at all. But then his face when she wins!! He’s HAPPY! He’s like, goddamn, I’ve spent my whole life mastering chess, it’s about time somebody fucking beat me! I know I’m repeating myself but just his RESPECT I absolutely adore it

And Beth’s officer-watcher-person in Moscow was all like “ahhh be wary of the Russians! communism!!” but they absolutely did not make this yet another evil Russian show, like please that trope works for plots but it’s about time somebody did something different - they showed the US government as suspicious of the Soviets but then they showed the solidarity between the chess players that Benny talked about earlier (”The Russians work together, Americans work alone” or something like that), and then they showed the kind and excitable people on the streets, and the amount of support they would have had no matter WHO won that goddamn match. The old man she plays at the end. Everyone is a community.

Continuing that - I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the old man with the very puffy white hair, but I loved him too. He sees Beth as the rising star she is, and he respects her. He admires her. The dynamic there is absolutely immaculate, contrary to the dynamic between Beth and the man she beats earlier, the one who walks off and doesn’t even talk to her. We don’t like that man - we like the ones who admit defeat and respect Beth!! I love them!! They are extremely professional, and they show the warm-heartedness that often doesn’t show with all of the cold stares and glares that pass between players during matches.

Joline. I’m so glad she came back. I love her. She’s extremely independent but she comes back for Beth because Beth needs her but she’s also like “I’m not your savior! Get your shit together!” which is fucking awesome. And the fact that the two of them interacted like the best of friends even after years of separation was really sweet to me.

I nearly cried when Beth went back into the school. (I say ‘nearly’ because there were other people in the room and naturally I can’t do that in front of other people. If I was utterly alone, maybe on my own planet, I would have.) Because of all of it. Because of her trauma, because that’s where all the shit began... and the music during that scene. It was hauntingly beautiful, especially when the melody began switching to cello. And then Beth saw all the pictures and newspaper clips that Mr. Shaibel had saved, because he cared about her so much, because he started it all - he’s the reason she’s going to national tournaments, to Paris, to Moscow. And in that scene, we know he’s too old to be alive anymore, and she does too. The whole school scene in general just feels so ghostly and ethereal. 

I love Borgov, did I say that already? I just... strive to exude his energy. I want to be good at things but I want to hold deep, genuine respect and admiration for others who are also good at the thing, because sometimes I just have the biggest fucking ego and I can get carried away. ‘Borgov, Borgov, Borgov.’ A mantra. He wins respectfully and he loses respectfully. 

BETH’S MOTHER (the second one) JUST FUCKING DIED OUT OF NOWHERE?? AND I WAS SO SHOCKED? Which is really an accurate reflection of reality because death often comes out of nowhere, but DAMN I was not expecting that shit

And the fact that the mother just,,,, let her chug a beer,,,, oof

THE ADDICTION. BETH’S DOWNWARD SPIRAL. IT MADE ME FEEL SO HORRIBLE BUT IT FELT SO REAL. Everything about her progression through addiction was just... I can’t find an adjective. But when she just fucking inhaled that bucket of pills as a kid and then collapsed. When that addiction lasted into her adulthood - it’s really impactful and horrible and just so real. She needed proper care throughout this entire goddamn show and she never got medical care, she just got supportive friends - which, btw, that’s one thing that kind of threw me off. Like, she didn’t have withdrawal in Moscow, she went from chugging like four bottles of wine a day to... not drinking at all?? Without withdrawal symptoms?? And I’m proud of her for throwing away those pills but honestly it felt really fast, idk

GIVING CHILDREN TRANQUILIZERS WAS AN ACTUAL THING THAT HAPPENED. I DID NOT PREVIOUSLY KNOW THIS. BUT LEGITIMATELY, IT HAPPENED. HOLY SHIT.

HARRY BELTIK. He was like, awkwardly in love with Beth and that shit didn’t work out but even afterwards he FUCKING CARED. He’d seen his father drink himself to death and he knew that would happen to Beth and he was scared. So he came back, he tried to help her, and at that point (when she had that fucking scary eye makeup, yeah that was rock bottom) she didn’t care much about the outside world anymore. She was angry, and she was closing herself in. It made my stomach clench in physical pain. Which is a good thing. But also not.

Harry Beltik in general just being so supportive and wanting to help her though, like yeah it was very awkward, but they were vibing

AND BENNY WATTS IS FUCKING GREAT. THAT WHOLE COWBOY LOOK, COWBOY CHESS PLAYER, NOW THAT’S AN AESTHETIC. He was concerned for Beth too. He wanted to help her. He wanted to create that American solidarity that he knew the Soviet competitors had, and ultimately he did when he and everyone else called her in Moscow. Benny is... chaotic good? Neutral? He is quite an interesting character, and Beth’s persistent social awkwardness fades away with him because he knows how to interact with her. He’s a dedicated and smart narcissist, and I’m here for it.

The fact that they made me love and hate Cleo at the same time, and also question Beth’s sexuality when she first met Cleo. Like, she’s from Paris. She considers ‘tomorrow night’ to be a very long time away. I love her mysteriousness. But also, she was the catalyst for Beth’s downward drinking spiral before the match in Paris, so like... I like Cleo’s personality, but not her choices in those previous moments.

The music. Did I mention the music? The soundtrack. The orchestrals. That one song that the mother plays on piano that I hear all the time and I still don’t actually know what it is PLEASE HELP. The music is melancholy in the right moments, upbeat in the right moments, intense and suspenseful in the right moments - and also absent in the right moments. There’s tacet. There’s silence. And it’s always been my firm belief that silence can hold just as much impact as sound. 

Just an interesting note, my mom watched the whole show before me and then re-watched it with me, and when Mr. Shaibel showed up she quickly reassured me that he wasn’t a child molester, because quote “it may be a creepy basement but he’s just really nice” so...  I was reassured

I love Mr. Shaibel, and Beth just kept sticking up for him in front of the press and,,, yeah

I hated that bitch from the high school, what was her name?... The one who showed up in the store with a child? It makes me think about the fact that so many kids are just jerks in high school simply because they can be... and occasionally their fuckery lasts into adulthood but oftentimes it doesn’t. You don’t have to be a jerk when you’re an adult, and you don’t have to be a jerk in high school! People remember, people always remember! So, to the bitch from the high school: fuck you for making Beth feel like an outsider and then trying to reverse gears and accept her, cuz Beth isn’t falling for that shit.

The twins, Matt and Mike. They’re so doubtful of Beth in the beginning but then bam, she’s competing nationally, and I adore how the three of them become friends. All those men playing chess in Kentucky in the beginning seem so condescending, but ultimately they show respect because Beth absolutely fucking deserves it.

I enjoy the fact that we never *really* know Beth’s age. It’s just like... she’s 9, she’s 15, she’s 17, she’s... twenty something? Who the hell knows? As many characters say, when it comes to skill level, age ultimately isn’t an important factor. This young woman beats the oldest man with the bushiest white hair in Moscow and age. Does not. Matter. 

The Jesus people lmaooooo when Beth said “because it’s fucking nonsense” I just. Mad respect ma’am, don’t take their money, go be a communist and “sPrEaD tHe aThEiSt AgEnDa”

Wow I really just... wrote all that didn’t I damn wish I could write essays this fast at reasonable hours of the day

Beth’s relationship with her foster mother is so fucking sweet until she fucking dies

And fuck Beth’s legal father. He is an asshole. That is all.

The mother deserved Manuel, she deserved that sketchy Mexican salesman goddammit

As my final bullet point: This has made me want to play chess. This has made me want to get good at chess. You know that thing where you like, download the personality of the coolest character for like a day after you watch something... I don’t do that anymore (maybe), but I want to download those mad chess skills. This has made chess seem so cool. I want to wear a fancy suit and compete with people. I just have to, you know, actually develop some strategy and stop losing brutally against people online. I wAnT tO pLaY cHesS dO yOu HeAr mE

I’m going to stop now, but I just,,, peeps, I love this show. I’m absolutely going to require a re-watch in the future. I just love it. The characters and their development, their relationships with each other, the progression of time and of Beth’s maturity... it is simply incredible. This concludes my brain dump.

[paceywittters]

I hope you don’t mind me asking you this but you’re one of the few level headed people in this fandom. Do you feel like they’re moving in right direction with Chenford? I’ve had some issues with this season but overall I’ve been happy with chenfords progression to friends and then hopefully more. Reading other people’s thoughts and analysis of the tiny double date clip and the love interests is making me question if I’m kidding myself to still be feeling optimistic. Tell me I’m not alone 🙈😂

i don't mind at all, and thank you for calling me level headed 😂 i don't get that one all that often. i am currently stranded in a canadian tire because my car doesn't know how to deal with -40° temperatures, apparently, so forgive me for not going super in depth with this one, but: genuinely, i don't get not being optimistic, here.

i think the biggest issue in fandom in general (not just the chenford fandom, but most fandoms) is the rush of speculation that comes from seeing a promo, a still, a sneak peek, etc. the fact that there is a ton of speculation about the double date when we have a total of five seconds of footage within a 30 second promo and zero other information is...a lot! we don't have an episode description or promo photos yet, and even once we do, we're not going to know the context until next sunday. people are welcome to speculate, but personally i don't like to do that – i feel like it breeds negativity that isn't necessary...because we literally don't know! and why spin yourself up about something that you literally don't know the outcome of/don't have context for when you don't need to be spun up about it, ya know?

anyway: i'm very excited for the double date! do i think it's going to be a whole chenford realization or bring us legitimate jealous tim? no, not at all – but the fact that they're going on a double date at all is...insanely tropey, and imo, a step in the right direction. as per usual, the choices being made for chenford feel incredibly slow burn formulaic and i'm here for it. i don't think you're kidding yourself feeling optimistic at all! there's 0 reason for it to be lucy going on that date – it's to further the chenford agenda, in the long run.

i would say, though, that going into the episode...the only thing i am expecting is what i know: that there is a moment of tim asking chris to be lucy's date to their dinner (insane, help me, etc), and that there's a dinner scene with the four of them. that's literally it.

as someone who used to get really weighed down by fandom/the overtly negative nature of speculation, i cannot suggest enough trying to temper expectations, and avoiding spoilers. i find the enjoyment i get out of the things i watch to be so much stronger without indulging in spoilers and a ton of spec (which, in this case really just means avoiding the sneak peeks) – it just really helps to go in without having formulated these really strong expectations.

anyway! i hope this answers your question, and i hope you enjoy the episode!!

[sepublic]

Happy Birthday to The Owl House!

           Honestly, I’m… REALLY shocked to think back on how it’s been a year? It’s been a full, actual year, since that first episode?

           I remember when The Owl House was first announced around early 2018. Something about it, the premise, the characters from that one poster we got; It really drew me in, and I kept track of the show’s progress in eager anticipation. Whenever Dana released art of Luz, Eda, and King, I was ecstatic- And when the show was delayed to 2020, I was dismayed.

           Then we got our teaser trailer; The opening them, the end credits, even a little sneak peek! I remember speculating a lot about Luz and all of the other new characters we were introduced to, such as Willow, Amity, and Gus- And then we got more and more trailers in the days leading up to the show. I wondered about Luz’s home back on Earth and where her family was, I listened intently to the Hooty and the Parliament music video, finding an almost melancholic, weirdly nostalgic (despite having never watched the show yet) vibe to it- Whilst also avoiding looking at the screen and seeing all of the various clips it offered, because I wanted to be surprised! It was two years of anticipation, two years of wait for this show- I’d never looked forward to a series before like this, last I can recall… So having this content FINALLY come out, seeing these characters in animation, hearing their wonderful voices! My soul was vibing, it was time, it was coming after all this time…!

          Eventually I finished Infinity Train Book 2, the same day that The Owl House premiered… I was blindsided when I woke up to the first episode’s release online, in full- I was already planning to wait until later to watch it on television, so having it permanently accessible from the internet was such a pleasant surprise! And the show… The show, man- That premiere caught me off-guard with how much I enjoyed it! I knew I was looking forward to this show, but still…! It blew away my expectations, and even now, has continued to; It was like my personal investment and attention had paid off so patiently well! I even got a DisneyNOW subscription so I could watch each new episode ASAP, the day it premiered, hours before it aired on television!

           I remember scouring Tumblr before the show officially premiered, and there was understandably very little- A few pieces of fanart here or there. And when the show DID premiere, for a while there wasn’t really much of a fandom- There was barely anyone, in fact! But I can remember a few notable blogs who have been around since the beginning… Me, I got invested into this show. I found myself really enjoying Lumity as a ship, especially since I resonated with both characters in it; Luz was such a ball of sunshine that brightened my day, and Amity really spoke to me with her more introverted, top-scoring personality. When the show hit its mid-season hiatus, I remember not handling it too well, as I got impatient and frantic in my speculations- I wanted so badly to learn more about these characters, see what happened- Get a look at Emperor Belos (then known as Bellows by the fandom), etc.

          I wrote my Bile Coven piece in preparation for Halloween, even got to know a mutual or two over shared theorizing! I kept track of Dana’s updates, and even had people come to my blog, of all places, to send asks! It was and still has been such an engaging part of fandom for me… I recall impatiently waiting for the Owl Pellet shorts and freaking out over them- And when Adventures in the Elements leaked early? I LOST MY MIND, I remember postponing something I was supposed to go to, just so I could watch the episode- And it was so good! Then I started wondering and hoping the rest of Season 1 would come out, and well- It took a while…

          And when Season 1B’s trailer came out, I was all over it; Scouring every possible frame, freaking out over the Grom screenshot, and appreciating the influx of new fans! It was amazing to watch The Owl House go from a relatively minor and obscure fandom, to becoming so much more mainstream and populous! I got into Rebecca Rose’s channel, I began writing more meta and posts about the show, as well as little recaps for each new episode. I feel like my blog really took off from here, as I got to interact with more and more people who shared this mutual love of The Owl House, and I was so ecstatic to see more content and buzz about it!

           My mind was solely focused on The Owl House, it was one of my huge hyperfixations, even moreso than during Season 1A’s run- I remember being anxious about Enchanting Grom Fright, wondering if we’d get queerbaited… But NO, Amity was in love with Luz! She canonically had a crush on her, a girl in love with another girl- And I loved it because Lumity was a special comfort ship of mine! Then Amity was confirmed lesbian… It was amazing! And I found myself SO invested, so inspired by the show and its characters, and all of the little allusions to things, the foreshadowing, the moments here or there that made so much more sense after a new episode.

           This show inspired me creatively- It got me to write some of my personal favorite fanfics, and I was and still am so touched by whatever feedback I get from them! The Owl House really got me to write, to obsess over characters and analyze them, to look at motifs, to think about worldbuilding… It’s been such an artistically enriching experience, both the show and the fandom! I remember despairing so terribly when Agony of a Witch came out, the genuine betrayal I had when Lilith revealed the truth- Because I’d been legitimately endeared to her character beforehand, even formed a sort of ‘trust’ in a sense… And like many others, I agonizingly anticipated the season finale, the much-needed emotional reconciliation!

           I remember how the episode titles were revealed, bit by bit, and how I and others speculated on what they’d spell out! I remember when the fandom obsessed over the Witch’s Apprentice game and its relics, for clues and new lore after each episode, the little hints here or there! I was freaked out by characters like Belos, who lived up to my hopes and expectations- First being alluded to by name, then his amazing appearance… And then his voice and mannerisms and everything about him! And when the Season Finale came out…

           Well, there was relief. But there was a bittersweet emptiness- That it was over! The first season was over! There was a celebratory triumph, of course- We finally wrapped up the first, major arc of the show, the first batch of episodes that had been worked upon, the whole thing now unveiled and appreciated! But I was a little dismayed because a part of me KNEW a hiatus much longer than the previous one was ahead of me, and I did not handle the mid-season hiatus well. Of course, then Dana had her Reddit AMA, and the charity livestream; Both of which NOURISHED me creatively, and have helped to fill out the wait! To carry out my momentum, to not flounder about in hiatus; I invested myself into more meta, into various posts, etc. I read fanfiction that genuinely floored me, obsessed over fanart, etc.

           I supported the show’s release on Disney Plus, ecstatic to get this kind of ready access. I revisited past episodes and characters, looking at them in a new light, appreciating things; Like Luz’s relationship with fantasy… King’s surprising development, all of Eda’s little hints and clues. There’s been an emotional catharsis with these characters for me- And I genuinely feel like I’ve been a lot happier lately because of this show! I’ve met so many other blogs and gotten to know them, seen their ideas and displayed mine as we appreciated one another… I even remember doing another blog’s fanart prompt prior to the show’s release, in preparation!

           I feel like The Owl House has genuinely given me a new appreciation for meta, for fandom and analysis… For headcanons, for writing my own stories and contributing my own ideas and speculations, etc.! It’s contributed SO much joy to me as a hyperfixation, and rapidly risen through my blog as my most frequent tag! And even as I explore other fandoms and hyperfixations, both then and now, especially to pass on this crippling hiatus… This show holds a VERY special place in my heart for me. It’s really made me feel for these characters, the love and sadness, the excitement and sense of comfort… Its love and emotions, angst and found family, lore and speculation, it hits so hard to me in a way that other media hasn’t!

           It’s provided representation- Such as canonically queer characters, or protagonists who speak so well to the neurodivergent experience for many people! I’ve had delight in seeing people suggest Amity as autistic, when before Season 1B, I lowkey headcanoned and saw her as such- So seeing more evidence for this resonated deeply in my heart! I remember all of the discussion about King as a character, the confusion and talk about whether or not he WAS a King of Demons, when that first announcement in 2018 had made a similar claim… I looked forward to Eda and Lilith’s relationship, speculated on who cursed Eda, and remembered when I’d considered the Blights as a potential culprit! I remember thinking about Hooty, wondering what his deal is- And thinking then and now about that Owl Deity mural in the Owl House! Watching Luz’s development as a character and as a witch, seeing her become more proficient with magic until it finally pays off with her squaring up against Belos, and wounding him- I’d never felt so proud of a character and their progress before!

           There’s still so many more questions and mystery, lore… as well as just genuine character interactions, to look forward to! I think The Owl House is one of my favorite shows of all time… It’s deeply touched me as a person and creator, and I genuinely strive to create something even close to this one day. This show has inspired me, made me laugh and cry, compelled me to creatively make content; It’s introduced me to a wider fandom that I genuinely feel like a part of, had me meet other mutuals… It really is something special to me. And while I am eager for Season 2, I also want to appreciate what Dana Terrace and her crew have already established. I love this show’s art style and animation, the designs and overall weirdness of its characters- I love speculating and thinking about them, getting more and more details, and so forth.

           If it’s for a better product, I’m fine waiting for Season 2. And honestly, I love what we already have, and I’ve done a lot with so many people. I’ve even looked over supplementary materials and stuff posted by the crew or news articles, in my need for content… And I love every bit of update, art, and/or acknowledgement of the show’s hiatus, and Season 2’s development! There’s so much to look forward to… And there’s so much that I’ve enjoyed, after plenty of anticipation!

           Thank you @danaterrace, and everyone who worked on this- For everything. It really is crazy to reflect on this entire year, to realize it’s been a full year since that first episode, since that first premiere that lit up my world like Luz’s light spells; And it feels like such a milestone that we’ve reached! I look forward to what comes next, and I also intend to keep appreciating and cherishing what we’ve already gotten. Here’s to this show’s second year, people- It’s been such a journey to look back on and remember each step, each phase, each particular moment and stage… And I can only imagine what will come next! This show has SUCH a special place in my heart, and has made me feel in so many ways I haven’t before!

           Happy Birthday, The Owl House! You’ve earned it!

[apollostears]

answer | K. Hongjoong

Request: Kim Hongjoong is tired of his wife always being away from him, so he decides to do something about it.

Type: Song fic/Angst

Song: Answer | Ateez

Fandom: ATEEZ

Pairing: Hongjoong x black!reader

Warning(s): swearing and angst

Creator: maya

A/N: sorry if it’s not the type of fight you were looking for!! hope you enjoy!!! xxx

*gif not mine*

You didn’t mean to make your husband mad. You truly didn’t, but every time he mentioned this, it brought the ugly out of you and him.

“I just don’t understand why my wife doesn’t want to come move to Korea, to be with me.” Hongjoong’s emphasis on ‘wife’ was supposed to get you to understand more, but it only irritated you further.

Your heavy sigh sounded through the phone as you tried to keep it together. God knew how tired you were talking about this.

“I work damn near 24 hours a day, I just wanted to call my husband and speak to him for a bit, but no. I don’t know how many times we have to go through this; I’m. not. going. to. Korea!! This is the last time i’m discussing this because I am tired of it!” You snapped over the phone, ready to put you and this conversation to bed.

It was silent for a moment before you could hear the intake of breath and then Joong speaking. “Why? Just tell me why and i’ll stop.”

The frustration that was bubbling out of you would like steam from a pot if anyone could see it.

“The fact that I have to give you a reason to drop an issue.” You scoff. “Because I don’t want to, that’s why. Goodnight Hongjoong, I love you but i’m not moving to Korea. Talk to you tomorrow.”

Not even bothering to hear his reply, you end the call and let out some tears of frustration. You had legitimate reasons for not going, but saying those reasons out loud made you feel small and weak.

You missed your husband, having only been married for a year and a half now. Things were always rough because of the distance, but now that y’all were married it didn’t make sense why his wife didn’t live with him.

It just didn’t make sense...

::::

Hongjoong had been racking his brain the past few days, trying to figure out what it could be that made you not want to come to Korea.

It was stressing him and it was stressing his bandmates.

“Hyung, we don’t know what you’re stressing about, but whatever it is, you need to go and handle it. It’s stressing us out and preventing your from being a leader.”

Hongjoong was pulled from his dark place and considered the maknae’s words. He was throwing everyone off their game and he needed to get it together, fast.

******

In less than forty-eight hours, Hongjoong was on the way to America to see you. You lived in New York, working at a hospital as an RN and he didn’t know when you’d be back at your apartment.

Taking in the sights of your upscale apartment, he saw the picture of y’all on your wedding night. It was of you two on the pier. Your smile was so wide and your eyes were squeezed tight in happiness. Joong was looking at you with the softest eyes in the world, admiring his gorgeous wife. It was only the two of you and a photographer, but it was everything.

He didn’t hear you come in the house, nor did he notice the small tears that had made their way down his face.

He missed you...

God, did he miss you so much.

“Joongie?” Your voice called out to him, pulling him from his thoughts.

Turning to face you, you noticed the tears and your heart broke. First time seeing your husband in months and he looked so broken.

“I miss you.” His voice soft, but you knew better than to take it as such.

“Honey, you’ve been—”

“왜 너는 나랑 살지 않니?” Hongjoong’s Korean accent was thick as he spoke in his native tongue.

You knew he had to be serious when he switched between English and Korean.

Stunned, you weren’t sure what to say. The answer was at the tip of your tongue, but you weren’t sure if it was something you were ready to address.

“And don’t lie to me. I came here because I want to know [Y/n]. You’re my wife and I deserve an answer.”

His sharp tone threw you off, but told you that if you wanted to save your marriage, you needed to tell the truth.

Sighing, you slipped off your shoes and hung up your coat. The light green scrubs made a noise as you moved to your kitchen.

Grabbing two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine, you took a seat at the table. Hongjoong’s eyes followed you until you settled and he soon joined you, accepting the glass you poured for him.

You hadn’t drunk from your glass yet, hands clasping the round part like an anchor. You were nervous and tired and were sure you’d breakdown half way through your explanation.

Leaning back in the chair, the glass was brought to your lips and a sip was taken before it was set back down. “I’m scared.”

It was said in nothing but a whisper, but your husband heard it. And for some reason it made him angry.

“Scared of what [Y/n]?” It sounded more like a demand than anything, with his voice clipped and his tone stern.

You were surprised that he spoke this way towards you, not expecting him to get mad.

“Um, how about because i’ve never met your bandmates? Or anyone else for that matter. I would be a black woman living in Korea, not to add that said black woman is married to an idol! We eloped for a reason, Joong. And what’s to happen if we have kids? Then they’re going to get bullied for being black. You forget that you live in a country where I am definitely the minority.

“As opposed to living here, where i’m comfortable and people know me. They know my character, they don’t judge me for my race. I’d have to start from the ground up or there. And for what? For you to leave me once you realize that everyone is right, that you shouldn’t be seen with a woman as dark as me.” These were your fears; valid and real.

Feeling like you’d need it, you downed the rest of your drink and went to pour another. In all that time, Joong had yet to say a word. Tears had started to form the longer he had stayed silent and just as he spoke, the tears fell.

“I can’t say I understand how you must feel to think like that.” He said, finding it hard to watch you cry. “But I can be there for you, baby. I love you and I chose you for a reason.”

The scrapping of a chair was heard and you were soon engulfed in your husband’s loving arms.

“I cannot wait for the day you meet the boys. They’ll be a little upset with me for hiding you from them, but it’ll be fine. And our kids will love the skin that they’re in, because their parents taught them how to. People will talk, but i’m not leaving here without you. You’re my forever.”

Turning your head to face him, your tears made him restless. He never wanted to see you cry, especially not over this.

“I’m so sorry Joongie, I should’ve told you sooner. I should’ve—”

Hands cupped your face, thumbs moving to swipe tears away, and you were now looking Hongjoong in the eyes.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for love. We’ll get through those fears, every single one of them. I don’t care if it takes us until we’re old and frail. We’re in this together. I love you.” Joong’s voice was so sincere, so full of love, that it made you cry harder.

Nodding your head, you leaned your head forward so that y’all’s foreheads were touching. “I love you too.”

Taglist: @knjkitten @olamidey

[backtothestart02]

Yoga Pants and Gray Sweatpants - 1/1 | grandice fanfiction

A/N: Soooo, I’ve decided to make a grandice fics series about them dating secretly while filming Flash. Idk what my next one will be, but this takes place after the previous one. Enjoy!

Inspired by convos I’ve shared with @jennlee44 & @smileyscorner04. Thanks, ladies!

...

Synopsis: Grant and Candice are not so good at breaking up.

...

There had been a leak.

Paparazzi had gotten some particularly intimate-looking photos of Grant and Candice onset. While they weren’t doing anything more than laughing and standing close to each other in most, there were a few where they were holding hands and their faces were particularly close.

The internet went wild while speculation.

No one had reached out to either of their agents yet, but Candice figured it was only a matter of time. This thing she had going with Grant had become too obvious. She broke it off, and no matter how hard Grant protested, she refused to go back on her decision.

She and Grant were done.

A week later Grant sat in his trailer, trying to memorize his lines, knowing that even if he did there was no way his acting would portray it properly. The break-up with Candice had started to affect his performance when the cameras were rolling, which had been Candice’s biggest fear from the beginning. He knew it only solidified her decision to break things off. If they got back together and broke up for real, because of an actual blow-up, their chemistry onset would never recover. At least with this it was something he just needed to force himself to get over and then everything would be fine.

But that was just it. He couldn’t ‘get over it’.

What had started as something mostly physical had grown quickly into something much deeper.

Grant wouldn’t say he was in love. He wasn’t that far gone. But he was definitely falling, and he wasn’t a fan of this new arrangement at all.

Unable to focus on his lines, he decided to go for a walk. After slipping on his shoes and a light jacket, he pushed open the door of his trailer only to find the object of his affection and anguish walking past wearing work-out clothes, particularly yoga pants.

He nearly fell out of his trailer.

“Candice!” he called, taking the steps carefully before closing the door behind him. “Wait up.”

She looked over her shoulder, and he had to force himself to look up from that delectable ass of hers, accentuated in those pants, to those deep, brown eyes that he nearly found himself drowning in.

“Grant,” she said, almost coldly.

He stopped dead in his tracks, wondering if he’d done something wrong. Had she caught him checking her out? Was this just how she was going to interact with him now that they were broken up? That didn’t seem fair. They could still be friends.

“Wh-Where are you going?” he asked, skipping over to her in two easy bounds.

“The gym,” she said, as if it was obvious. He supposed it was. “You?”

“I was going to go for a walk,” he said.

“Mm.” She nodded once.

“I could join you,” he suggested softly, leaning in a little closer.

“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said, tone clipped.

He frowned. “Why not? We’re still friends, aren’t we?”

“We’re exes, Grant,” she said, determined not to look at him. “Exes are not friends.”

He stopped suddenly, but she kept walking. His heart fell into the pit of his stomach.

Exes are not friends.

Well, hell.

…

Two days later, Grant and Candice, along with the crew and the director were all on set, and Candice thought she was going to die. She’d been avoiding Grant like the plague, ever since she’d broken things off with him. She hadn’t been cold to him since she’d met him. He was just so fun to be around, and she fed off that energy without even meaning to. It was what had drawn them together. He fed off her contagious energy too.

But she had to put a stop to that before any more rumors spread. For all she knew, their magnetic energy had been reported to the media by one of the crew eager for their 15 minutes of fame.

She knew it was affecting Grant’s performance though, and she felt bad about that. In the time she’d known him, she’d come to the realization very quickly that he had a difficult time separating what Barry was going through and what he was going through personally. Barry having such strong feelings for Iris, for example, had amplified his own feelings for her – Candice.

Now that they were broken up, she could see the struggle in him to light up as Barry around her as Iris when in reality she kept pushing him further and further away.

She couldn’t help it!

She was as upset over the break-up as he was. There was nothing more in life she wanted than to take it back and pick up where they’d left off. There were so many places they hadn’t hooked up yet. It had only been a week and a half, but she was already feeling sex-deprived. Specifically with Grant. She was feeling Grant sex-deprived, like she was in withdrawal.

But more than that, his magnetic energy, his smile, those gorgeous green eyes, and how he could just pick her up as if she was light as a feather, how he just understood her as no one else did, how they almost had their own language because they were just that in tune with each other.

She was falling for him.

That wasn’t going to stop whether they were broken up or not, and she hated it.

She hadn’t put on yoga pants the other day hoping to lure him out of his trailer. She’d legitimately intended on going to the gym to work out. Though more to work out her frustrations on not being able to work Grant out instead than actually maintaining her figure and staying healthy.

In fact, the reason her tone had been so clipped with him was in fact because she worried if they were in the same space for too long when they weren’t filming that she’d throw everything to the wind and seduce him right there in the gym.

She bit for bottom lip just thinking about it, and tried not to moan. The on-site gym was one of the many places they hadn’t hooked up yet. Ironically, there were no cameras in there. It would be the perfect spot on top one of those treadmills or bicycles…or in the locker room shower.

She shook her head, ridding herself of that thought.

This was crazy!

She’d been celibate for months. Surely she could handle being celibate again. She could even go out and have a one-night stand if she wished. She was sure there were plenty of guys that-

Stop it.

You are not a one-night stand kind of woman.

And you want Grant, plain and simple.

She sighed and looked back at her script. Grant was across the room rehearsing his own lines quietly to himself. She’d memorized hers already, but there was no harm going over them again. Especially when the alternative was to not check Grant out when wardrobe had given him gray sweatpants to wear.

Damn it.

He was walking after her in the scene. She was supposed to be mad, pissed off. And her current mood definitely helped her performance when the cameras were rolling, she decided. But sexual frustration ebbed off of her in waves, and she wondered if maybe that wasn’t what the director was going for with Iris in this particular scene.

Still, what was she supposed to do?

Grant’s cock moved so effortlessly beneath those pants when he walked. It was just a reminder of what they’d had and could still have if only she’d take back breaking things off.

But she couldn’t do that.

No one could know about them, and the most effective way to do that was to not be together at all. Soon any speculation of them being an item would be gone, and then maybe – maybe – she could think about being friends again.

“I need a break,” she announced to the crew and director.

Grant looked up from his script curiously.

The director frowned.

“We haven’t even started filming, Candice.”

“Well…I need a few extra minutes to get ready.”

His brows furrowed suspiciously, but he nodded.

“Ten minutes. Then we start.”

She dropped her script on her chair and made a quick exit for the lounge via the long hallway. She spotted Carlos inside and felt relief. She could relax with him, get Grant off her mind and then be ready to film in the 10 minutes that had been allotted to her.

“Candi-” Carlos started, and was immediately cut off.

“Candice.”

Carlos pursed his lips as Candice turned around and found Grant staring at her from just inside the doorway.

“Grant.” Her eyebrows narrowed. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk.”

Carlos downed the rest of his coffee and threw his cup in the trash.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” he muttered, shutting the door to the lounge behind him as he left.

The implication was obvious. He thought the two of them were going to have sex.

That irritated Candice more than she cared to admit, because how could he even think that? The whole cast and crew was well aware of how they weren’t sleeping together. Their unresolved sexual tension could be felt a mile away.

“What?” she asked, crossing her arms beneath her breasts, enhancing her cleavage the slightest bit.

She could see Grant fighting with himself to not look.

“I think we should get back together.”

She scoffed. “Of course you do.”

“It’s affecting my work! Yours too.”

“It’s not affecting my work. I’m a professional. You’re-”

“I’m what?” he dared her to say.

“You’re too attached to your character.”

“I’m not attached enough right now or I’d be able to channel Barry without memories of us fucking flooding my brain at every minute.”

She swallowed and her eyes lowered briefly to his crotch, nearly gasping when she thought she saw…

Did his cock just twitch?

She lifted her eyes to his again.

“That is not my fault.”

“Isn’t it?”

“No.” Her eyes narrowed.

He took a step towards her, and she tensed.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Grant-”

“All the time. When I’m awake, when I’m asleep…” He sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration, as he often portrayed Barry doing. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

She swallowed her gasp just before it emerged past her lips. It took her a few seconds to compose herself.

“You think that-”

“I know it.” He took her hands in his own, holding them tightly when she tried pulling them away.

She refused to look at him, though her heart was beating rapidly inside her chest.

“You haven’t had sex in a week and a half. You’re acting like a hormonal teenager, thinking this is more than it is when it’s not. For God’s sake, our careers are on the line here. Why can’t you just-”

“Candice.”

She tipped her head to look up into his eyes.

“Are you falling in love with me too?”

Her heart leapt into her throat.

“I…” Tears formed in her eyes, so she quickly shut them and shook her head. “No, there’s no way. I’m just…sexually frustrated.”

She gasped, realizing she’d said the words out loud and completely mortified.

“Shit,” she mumbled under her breath.

Grant smiled slowly, and she knew there was no going back.

“I can help with that too.”

“Grant, no- No, you can’t-can’t do that.”

She was backing up, but he pulled her back to him before she could get far.

“Relax, Candeez, I promise to make it good for you.”

And in that moment chills ran up her spine, and she melted. His lips came down on hers, and she moaned into the kiss. She jumped up into his arms when she felt his hands on her ass, and he squeezed her cheeks as he backed up slowly against the counter.

Kissing madly, he spun them around so she was sitting on the smooth granite and lifted her shirt up over her head, quickly unlatching her bra from behind her back. Candice shoved his pants and underwear down in one, swift move and immediately wrapped her hand around his shaft.

He groaned and dropped his head onto her shoulder.

“Candice.”

“Those damn sweatpants have been driving me out of my mind,” she muttered as she continued to pump him. “Do you know how clearly you can see your cock moving in them when you walk or get up?”

He chuckled darkly.

“I know. I requested them.”

“Bastard.”

“You don’t mean that.” He smirked, tipping her head up.

“No, I really do.”

He kissed her.

“I also mean this.”

She released his cock and yanked him closer.

“Fuck me.”

His green eyes turned dark, as he roughly yanked her pants and underwear down to a puddle on the floor.

“With pleasure.”

…

Fifteen minutes later, Grant and Candice came strolling back onto set. The director took one look at them and called for hair and make-up to come over.

“You good now, Candice?” he asked.

Grant quietly smirked to himself.

“Better than ever,” she said brightly.

After hair and make-up had finished and scattered, Grant and Candice took their places and waited for the director to call ‘action’.

As luck would have it, they only needed one take.

...

*will post on AO3 and FFnet when beta’d.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[florenceandthemachine]

my friend, if you wrote me a college au and/or a soccer player au for buddie i would owe you my whole life

first of all LAUREN I AM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO GET TO THIS XOXO i loved the idea of a soccer fic so much but i do not know anything about the sport to do it right so i hope this 4.5k mess is still to your taste <3

second of all smooches as always to @buckleydiazs​ for helping me level out the softboi energies [ilu bb]

Let it be known that Edmundo Diaz was not a subtle man.

Patient, sure. Kind, absolutely. But subtle? Definitely not.

“Eddie, are you paying attention?”

“To you? Always, Buckaroo.”

“I’ve told you before, it’s just Buck. So, what’s the answer to number four?”

No one was better at throwing the already minute amount of subtlety he had out the window than Evan Buckley. It should have been embarrassing—would have been, if it were anyone else—but that’s just how Buck was. If you didn’t love him, you were either an idiot, or an asshole, or both. 

Eddie just happened to wear his... Buck-related emotions a little more on the sleeve than most.

“Ah, no, close, but you have to remember to multiply air resistance on both sides.”

“Right, thanks Buck-amuck.”

“Eddie, no.”

Buck was hot, sure, but more disastrously, he was cute. He was so cute, and he was nice, and Eddie wasn’t sure how much longer he was was going to last under the never ending amount of support and care he got from Buck before he combusted; and it had started at day one. College hadn’t been high on his list for a long time, the thought of starting college when most people his age were graduating something he didn’t know how to approach—but after his tour in Afghanistan all he wanted was a normal life, and Buck... well, Buck was a big help in that.

He wasn’t sure what he appreciated more—the fact that Buck didn’t treat him like some sort of hero after doing only a tour in Afghanistan, the fact that Buck didn’t give a fuck about his age (“Twenty three is not that old, Eddie, you’re barely four years older than me, stop being so dramatic”), or the fact that two weeks into their college career, when Buck walked in to find Eddie with his hand down his pants and distinctively male moans coming from his phone, instead of getting angry or being disgusted, he had almost passed out laughing at Eddie’s embarrassment.

“...no, hang on, how did you even get that number? Where did that come from?”

“Buck-uccino, I’m never going to get this. I’m doomed.”

“Eddie, you—oh god, never use that one again—you’re going to get it. We’ll keep working at it.”

That, though, that was the worst part about rooming with Buck. He was tenacious, or maybe just caring, or nice, or whatever—because when Eddie had started failed his Physics midterm and learned about the very real threat of academic probation (which would mean no grants, no scholarships, no more soccer), Buck had dropped everything and started tutoring Eddie whenever he could. Even now, he was smiling at Eddie like he believed he could do anything, and damn if Eddie didn’t want to believe him.

Buck was just that kind, that sweet, that good—and Eddie was that gone.

--

“Chim, keep your feet moving! Come on!”

As teasing as Eddie may have been wherever Buck was involved, he was completely different when he was on the field. He was every bit the teammate that commanded respect, pushed his players to do better, and kept his team motivated—enough that he had fit in seamlessly with the team, despite being only in his second year, despite his age gap, despite everything.

“Good, Bosco! Keep it up!”

If only Eddie could keep himself that motivated while he was studying. He tried, he really did—but he wasn’t sure if it was the continuous closeness of Buck as they poured over Eddie’s notes, or the impossibility of the materials he was studying (he was in the Army, for fucks sake, he didn’t need to care about the force exerted by his helicopters rotors—he only needed to know that it would fly), but every time they cracked open his physics book, it felt like Eddie was smashing his head into a brick wall.

Things just made more sense out here. Eddie was in his element, and anyone who knew him, who even looked at him, would know that—so it really, really shouldn’t have come as a surprise when Chim jogged over to him, keeping his high knees going as he hopped in place, jerking his chin somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder while he and Hen worked on some touchless passes.

“Looks like you have a visitor.”

Eddie turned around from his position near the goal, squinting over to the tunnel, his face immediately brightening as he saw who it was. He kept himself moving in a jog as he closed the distance between he and Buck easily, all smiles as Buck looked up from his phone. Eddie had to laugh at the image of this kid standing in the middle of the tunnel, forcing the athletes who were running in and out of the locker room to move around him.

It made sense; Buck really was an immovable force.

Eddie wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Well, if it isn’t my good-luck-Buck!” Eddie said, pushing a wide smile onto his face and one of his favorite nicknames out into the air so he would stop staring at Buck’s lips when the other scowled. “What are you doing here?”

Sighing, Buck pushed back off the wall, raising a brow. “Well, I was going to give you a crash course in force, speed, air resistance, and velocity, but if you call me that again—”

“Alright, alright, I get it.” Eddie said, legitimately smiling now as he slowed his pace, starting to catch his breath. “Here, I’ll grab my stuff and we can grab a bleacher or something, I’ll just be a—”

“Nope.” Buck said, popping the ‘p’, his annoyance easily forgotten as he playfully pushed Eddie’s shoulder back to the field. “Grab your team and a ball, we’re learning on the field.”

Eddie stared at him, confusion evident on his face for only a moment before he lit up in understanding, calling out to the rest of the team. He had to admit, this was definitely one of Buck’s better ideas—not that Buck had ever had a bad idea, for the record—but if you wanted a surefire way to get Eddie to pay attention to anything, you threw a soccer ball at it.

Eddie was pleased to know that Buck clearly knew at least that much about him, the feeling dancing in his gut with the reassurance he felt whenever he was reminded that his team had his back. They worked easily with Buck as he ordered them around, had them try different kicks, using the arc of the ball through the air to point out speed, force, gravity. Eddie wasn’t about to say that it was working, but it had to be a good thing that he was forced into a situation where he could focus on something other than Bucks’ voice, or the way that his skin felt when their hands brushed over a textbook.

No, there was no room for soft touches and smiles now; Eddie was stuck in a goal, the smile on Buck’s face far more devious than soft as he explained the rules of their next exercise. Buck was going to ask a question. Eddie was going to give the equation that could be used to solve the problem. It sounded easy enough, but—

"If you can give me the right equation to solve the problem, you get to use your hands to block the shot. If you don’t, you have to use your head.”

...okay, yeah, nothing about that sounded easy.

The fact that Eddie had a team full of sadists didn’t seem to help, either—he no longer cared about how nice they were being to Buck to help him help Eddie when they were really just in it to torment him. It wasn’t fair.

He tried to voice as much, but Buck just called him out for whining. Which was also unfair.

Worst of all was afterward; even after he was able to use his arms around half of the shots, his teammates were terrible, horrible people, and Chim proved exactly why once they retreated to the locker room.

“You know Diaz, I think you did pretty well out there.” he started, and Eddie immediately felt himself on guard—he knew that any compliment after an evening as brutal as that was likely to be designed to lull him into a false sense of security.

“...thanks, Chim.” he started, eyes narrowed. “I think I might actually have a change of this thing.” Chim clapped him on the back, the grin on his face telling Eddie all he needed to know, and he felt himself ready to groan when Chim cut him off.

“That’s good! I know it must have been hard for you, but, hey think about it this way. At the very least, Buck now knows that you can handle some balls flying at your face.”

Chim’s laugh turned into a sharp yelp as Eddie clipped him with a rat tail, but that didn’t prevent the words from echoing through his head for the rest of the night, cheeks burning bright red whenever he caught Buck looking at him funny.

--

“Alright, we’re done for the night. I can practically see the smoke pouring out of your ears.”

“It’s impossible, Buck-fifty. I’m gonna fail, and I’m gonna get kicked out, and you’ll never get to see my beautiful face ever again.”

Eddie groaned, head resting against the open textbook on the table, hiding his head in his hands. They had been studying off and on for weeks, and while Eddie was pretty proud of the things he had started to memorize and retain, he still didn’t know how they worked, how they fit together, how to chose one over the other in a problem, and he was starting to feel like he might never understand it.

“Christ, stop being dramatic. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and this class is not going to be the end of your world, not if I can help it. But what you need now is a break.” Buck said, ignoring the nickname and the dramatics in one fell swoop. He had his phone out in a half second, scrolling through a few different feeds, before his face lit up. “Come on, Lena invited the whole team over for a game night. We’re going to get you out of your head and you’re going to relax, damn it.”

Eddie wasn’t too proud to admit that his heart did a little flip when he realized that Lena and Buck were texting on the regular, something about his friends liking Buck (and Buck liking his friends!) making his heart swell. “I don’t know, Buck, maybe we should just stay in so I can work on my—“

“Nope.” Buck interrupted, popping the end of the word, pulling the book out from under Eddie’s head, ignoring the whine that Eddie gave when his head thunked against the table. “I’m serious, I’ve burned myself out many times before, you need to take the night and remember why you’re actually studying. Passing is great, but we both know the reason you’re working so hard isn’t for the class, it’s for your team, your friends.”

It’s for you, Eddie wanted to say, but the words died in his throat before he could even take a breath in.

They were on their way quickly enough, trekking easily to the Phi Sigma Chi sorority house .

Buck looked fucking adorable, cheeks pinked in the cold air, blond mop of curls peeking out from the brim of his beanie, and Eddie couldn’t help himself. “Buck, you know what Lena says when she means game night, right?” he asked as he threw his arm around Buck’s shoulder, relishing in the way that Buck easily fell into step next to him as they walked. Buck smiled up to him, practically batting his eyes, and Eddie felt himself melt. “Yeah, things like Mario Kart or Smash, right? Or maybe Clue? Monopoly?”

Three hours later, Eddie was seeing Buck in a whole new light—because Buck wasn’t just kind, and smart, and adorable.

Buck was a fucking hustler.

And Eddie was fucking hammered.

He let out a whoop of joy as Buck sunk another ping pong ball in front of Hen and Chim, winning their eighth game in a row, with Eddie taking every drink that anyone scored against their team (Buck was still underage, after all—Eddie may have been a dope where Buck was involved but he wasn’t an idiot).

The thing was, when you had a partner that was amazing at beer pong, you didn’t get to drink nearly as much, so no one could blame Eddie for supplementing himself with several shots throughout the night, one of which spilled as he loudly cheered for Buck’s incredible prowess. Buck laughed at a much more indoor-volume beside him, gasping as Eddie lifted him into the air and Hen let out a wail of defeat, idly shoving the cup toward Chim. Buck’s laugh turned about a pitch higher as Eddie spun, grabbing onto his shoulders for support, looking at him with starry eyes once he got Buck back down to his feet.

“Buck, you… you’re so… how are you so good?!” Eddie asked, voice a rasp of a whisper, like he was asking for the secrets of the universe, and Buck couldn’t have helped the way he smiled if he tried.

He felt his cheeks heat up as he lifted a ping pong ball, twirling it between two of his fingers. “You know, physics? Just think, Eddie, you could use that big brain to be a beer pong champion.” He asked, laughing as Eddie threw his arms around his shoulder, a ragged exclamation of “YOU’RE SO SMART!” leaving his lips as Buck struggled to accommodate the sudden dead weight.

“Uh—“

“Okay, that’s usually a sign that it’s time for Eddie to go home.” Hen, his guardian angel, appeared next to him, helping Eddie stand a little more upright. “You guys walked, right? Karen can probably bring you back, I just—“

“Oh, no, that’s okay! I should be able to get him back, now that he’s upright.” Buck said, waving away her concern as he put Eddie’s arm around his shoulders, the other hand secure on his hip as they started to make their way to the front of the house.

Eddie might have been mostly incapacitated by that point, but that didn’t stop him from waving and saying what he thought was a perfectly coherent goodbye to everyone, the cold night air doing little (but still at least doing something) to help his coordination.

Eddie was content to walk in silence for only a moment, his head tilting onto his shoulder as he looked over to Buck, suddenly feeling so much lighter than he had a moment ago.

“Buck, you’re so nice to me.”

Buck was laughing. Why was Buck laughing? Eddie was completely serious.

“Buckinator, I’m serious. You’re so nice. And you’re smart, and you’re so pretty. Did you know?”

“Eddie, you are as drunk as you’ve ever been.” Buck murmured, shaking his head, and Eddie was definitely annoyed that it was night time—because he would have bet money that Buck was blushing.

Eddie started to whine as Buck pulled out his dorm card (“I’m not drunk, Buck! I’m serious!”), successfully swiping them both into the building and their room, depositing Eddie easily into his bed as he grabbed a bottle of water. He took a detour to their bathroom to pull out the little bottle of Advil he kept beneath the sink, handing Eddie both of them after cracking them both open.

Eddie stared at the pills in his hand, not entirely sure how he got there, his stomach tightening up as he looked up to Buck. “Hey Bucka… Buck, the… hey Buck?”

Okay, he was effectively drunk enough that he couldn’t think of a nickname. He popped the Advil into his mouth, swigging the water he was given as Buck closed the door, pulling Eddie’s blanket’s back. “What’s up, Eds?”

Eddie felt himself start to be lowered slowly, sluggishly tugging his feet up onto his bed, unsure as to where his shoes had gone, but he wasn’t going to complain. “We’ll still be friends if I end up failing out of school and having to become a hermit who… who lives under a bridge or something, right?” he managed to get out, and Buck’s eyes snapped up toward Eddie’s face. He wasn’t too sure when they had crossed the line from happy drunk to sad drunk, but damn, they had crossed that line at the speed of sound.

“Eddie, hey, no. You’re not going to fail out, and you’re going to be fine. Even if that doesn’t happen… you’re stuck with me, nerd. I’m not about to let you get away that easy.”

Eddie sniffled, nodding his head as Buck pulled his covers up, rolling to face the wall as he heard Buck change, the lights flicking off shortly after. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, closing his eyes as he felt the room start to wobble. He didn’t realize he was speaking until his mouth was already open, voice soft in the dark.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

Eddie sniffed again, his breath slowing down as he heard Buck shift in his bed, just sober enough to feel Buck’s eyes digging into the back of his head, but just exhausted enough to slip into sleep instead of roll over, only barely listening as Buck responded.

“… just don’t give up, Eds. You got this, I know you do.”

--

The Sunday before the final that would decide his entire life (“I’m begging you, stop being such a drama queen.”), the last thing on Eddie’s mind was physics—he was too focused on the beautiful boy beneath him. He could have drowned in the noises Buck was making as Eddie kissed at his neck, his collar, his swollen lips, the cord of muscle in his neck. He felt Buck’s hands lace with his, the movement more intimate than anything he could have imagined, and he let out a groan as he rolled his hips down, grinding against Buck, and—

—and then Eddie woke up to a soccer ball bouncing off of his head.

Grunting in pained surprise, he shot straight up out of bed, almost falling to the floor, blankets pooling around his hips as he jerked his head around, focus snapping to the sound of Buck’s laughter.

(It was a small soothe to chase away the taste of Buck on his lips, the phantom feel of Buck’s body beneath his, flexing his hands like he could still feel their fingers laced together.)

“Buccaneer, what the fuck?!”

“Come on, we’re burning daylight. Aren’t you usually on the field, like, before the sun is up most days?”

“Yeah, maybe when my career wasn’t already over.” Eddie whined, rubbing at his eyes. Eddie wanted nothing more than to throw the blankets back up over his head and roll over—but he knew from experience that Buck would have just ripped his comforter off and dragged him outside, if he had to, and Eddie was in no... physical state (after the dream he had) to risk losing the safe amount of cover the blanket was currently providing.

Honestly, even after being beaned in the head by a soccer ball, he couldn’t stay mad—not when Buck was smiling at him, physics book and coffee in one hand, the other occupied once more as he bent down to pick up the ball. He really, really didn’t deserve Buck, and it made Eddie feel all the guiltier, knowing full well the thoughts that were running through his mind less than an hour ago.

Thankfully, Buck seemed to soften as Eddie’s emotions played across his face, sighing and rolling his eyes as he tossed Eddie the jersey hanging over the back of his desk chair. “Hey, it’s not over yet. You will get this, I promise. Now, It’s 9 AM, and you’re going to do your drills while I drill you.”

So he was just never going to get that image out of his head, ever. Cool.

An hour later, Eddie was dressed, on the field, working on his figure eights, fueled only by the coffee that Buck had brought him and a burning annoyance for the day as a whole as Buck launched question after question at him.

He kept up his pace as they went back and forth, moving through a few different drills as Buck continued to question him, asking about formulas, equations, situations, making Eddie walk through each step he would do if he had a calculator in front of him. It was exhausting, but Eddie couldn’t deny that it was working—and he really, really didn’t want to look to deeply into the little moments of pride he felt when Buck smiled at him and moved on to the next problem.

He was lining up a row of shots when Buck started on another problem, sinking each shot perfectly into the net, describing the relationship between friction, air resistance, and velocity, when Buck interrupts.

“No, that’s not right.”

Eddie’s next shot goes wide as he turns back to Buck, his eyes narrowed as he goes over everything in his head. “What?”

“Go over it again.” Buck has his head mostly hidden behind the practice exam, and Eddie felt himself fall out of step for a moment before he pulled back for another kick.

“I know the force of gravity.” Eddie started, another kick sinking directly into the goal, refocusing himself.

“And I know the falling distance and the mass.” He continued, taking a sneak peek back at Buck, who quickly ducked his head again.

“And,” another kick, another goal. “I know the equation for air resistance, because you’ve basically pummeled it into my head.” He said, Buck’s little laugh not unnoticed, and Eddie smiled in spite of his frustration.

He lined up his next shot and sunk it, chewing on his lip.

“Then I was right, Buck!” Eddie said, pacing back and forth between the cones he had set up. “I would measure the change in distance and double it, I would divide it by the total time minus the air resistance, and I would subtract the initial velocity. That’s, like, textbook, what could I possibly have—“ Finally catching Buck’s eye, Eddie paused, thrown for a loop as Buck put the practice test down, expression stopping Eddie dead in his tracks.

Because Buck was absolutely beaming at him.

“You’re ready.”

“Wait, what?” Eddie was glad that he had already launched his last ball into the net, because he literally tripped over his feet, catching himself at the last moment as he jogged over to where Buck was sitting, peering over his shoulder.

Every answer that Eddie had given had been circled on the practice exam, not a drop of red ink anywhere on the page. “Wait, I got them right? I... I was right?”

“Even when I tried to tell you you were wrong—which you weren’t, by the way—you still stuck to what you knew, you were confident enough not to second guess yourself, and you proved it. Eddie, you’re ready. You’re going to crush it.”

Eddie looked at the test, then back at Buck, then back at the test, and he couldn’t resist it—he picked Buck up, laughing ecstatically as he spun Buck in his arms. He was feeling more confident than he had in an age and a half, and he knew he had the dopiest expression on his face when he set Buck down, his hands still linked around Buck’s waist.

…with Buck’s hands resting on his shoulders.

“I knew you could do it, Eds.” Buck said, and Eddie felt his face heating up. He had never doubted Buck, not for a minute, even while he was still racked with his own insecurities—but any thanks, any recognition, any anything, were drowned out in Eddie’s throat as Buck moved his hand off of Eddie’s shoulder. Eddie could have sworn he saw stars when he felt the warmth from Buck’s hand rest right against the crook of his neck, thumb on Eddie’s pulse point, his eyes wide as Buck smiled. “I’m really, really proud of you.”

Eddie felt like he was living in a dream his hands sliding down to hold Buck’s hips, half expecting Buck to pull away—finding his smile even brighter instead. Buck looked so happy, so content to be in Eddie’s arms, his smile wide and his eyes sparkling, and Eddie had to swallow, feeling the contrast to himself—sweating, out of breath, probably a little crazy eyed, but… Buck was still looking at him like that.

“Buck, I’m… Can I, um... can I?” Eddie found himself murmuring, chewing his bottom lip. It would kill him right now to let Buck go, when he was this close—but of course, if Buck said the word, he would have leapt back like he was on fire.

He wasn’t sure if it was relief or elation that he felt, heart pounding, when Buck leaned in instead of answering, his thumb catching just the corner of Eddie’s lip before Buck’s lips met his own.

Kissing Buck was like finding God—and yeah, that was probably the worst possible analogy he could have made, but it was true. Buck kissed him and suddenly everything felt right, something sliding into place so deeply in his heart and soul that he had no idea how he had been surviving without. 

He felt more than he heard Buck moan against his lips and he came crashing down into his own body, pulling back just enough to breathe, unable to keep the huge smile off of his own face. He had to duck his head, the moment getting to be a bit too much for him, the typical enthusiastic show he put up dulled for a moment as he looked up to Buck through his lashes.

“So... that’s okay, then?”

Buck only laughed, tilting Eddie’s head up for another small kiss. “Eddie, that was great. I’ve been gone on you since, like, the first shitty nickname you gave me.” he said, his voice dipping, suddenly going red as he realized what he said—but the damage was already done.

Eddie’s eyes lit up as he tightened his grip around Buck, his grin spreading so far across his face that it actually hurt. 

“Ten-point-Buck. Buck-a-boo. Bucky bear.”

“Eddie, no, that wasn’t supposed to encourage you.”

“...does this mean I get to grab your bubble-Buck?” Eddie asked sweetly, throwing his head back and laughing as Buck buried his head in his shoulder, face burning red.

(Eddie passed his final, obviously—but as excited as he was with the big, red, 91 circled at the top of his page, nothing compared to the warmth he felt when he opened the door to his dorm and found Buck waiting for him in one of his old jerseys. He easily caught Buck in his arms as he jumped, choosing to catch Buck’s lips in a kiss rather than say anything.

After all, he may have had a thousand nicknames at the ready, but for Eddie, nothing compared to calling Buck “mine”.)

[pynkhues]

Hi ! I just wanted to say that I love your writing and I wanted to ask how you go about doing research for all your au's. Thanks!

Hi! Thank you so much, anon! And what a fun question! I could talk about researching all day, haha. My undergraduate degree is actually in history too, so research is something that’s sort of fundamental to my education in a lot of ways. 

To talk about researching is kind of hard though, because while the steps are more or less the same, the approach is really different depending on what it is that I’m writing. For instance, the answer’s pretty different if I’m writing a modern day au where I can shorthand certain things because my readers know what I’m talking about vs an historical au where I really have to think pretty deeply about everything if I want to submerge a reader in a storyworld. 

So I thought it might be fun to answer this question using my two biggest au’s as sorts of case studies! This is probably an extremely nerdy answer, I don’t know, haha, and it talks about both researching and incoporating research into the creative process while writing, so I hope that’s okay! 

Generally speaking, all my writing starts with a question: 

What’s the story that I want to tell? 

This is always a process that tends to vary for me, but I rarely actively ask the question to myself prior to getting ready to write it? Usually it ends up as me sort of thinking over a concept then getting to a point where I know I’m going to write it, and it’s only when I really start to think seriously about that that I ask myself that question. 

In both of these cases, it was pretty typical for me, haha: 

And well, then we get to the next question.

What background do I need to know to be able to tell that story? 

While this question might seem AU specific, it’s something that’s actually a step in everything I write. I was working on the second part of the Christmas fic today, which is technically canon divergent, but has made me think a lot about Beth and Rio’s canon cultural backgrounds. 

I’ve always liked the headcanon that Beth and Annie are Jewish, but disconnected from their heritage (Marks is a traditionally Jewish surname, Annie’s used some yiddish slang before), and Rio’s obviously Latino, but of Mexican heritage if we apply Manny’s background, and wears rosary beads on the show which indicate that he’s Catholic. I wanted to embrace both of those things, so I’ve tried to thread them through the story where it’s appropriate to do so. For instance, there's a scene of a Las Posadas celebration at Sainte Anne de Detroit which required a LOT of research on my part and hopefully reads well! 

The point is that those things felt important to me to include in a Christmas fic about Beth and Rio in the C&C ‘verse because the entire series is about their lives entwining and getting to know each other fully. I want to include detail that feels specific to what we know about them and embraces and (with any luck) deepens our connection to the characters in my fic. 

What I’m getting to in a really roundabout way is that once I have a story idea, I start to think about what I’m going to have to understand if I’m going to do the story justice.

In the case of the pornstar and pirate aus, this couldn’t look more different: 

Annnnnd so on, haha. 

As you can see, sometimes that background research is really clear and straight forward, as it was with the pornstar AU. I looked up how it worked, and because I knew that I wanted it to steer clear of the seedy and toxic parts of porn, I basically researched ideal environments and best practice, put those in place, and then focused on how to get Beth from her suburban home into a legitimate studio. 

The pirate AU was extremely different and much more of a mutable process. Without a clear sense of the era from the get-go, I had a much wider scope to explore when and where the story could take place, and when I realised that dating the story would inevitable force me to contend with parts of history I might not want to (i.e. the lead up to The Civil War), it let me re-shape a world around an era, but not feel entirely beholden to it. 

In that sense, the research process for both of them involved me choosing fantasy over reality – I negated certain realities to focus on the things I wanted to write (I highly doubt you will find a porn set anywhere near as ethical as Thank You Ma’am after all) – but if I can’t do that in fanfic, where can I? The aim still is for there to be enough that is real that you feel grounded in the story even if I’ve taken certain creative liberties for the sake of telling the story I want to tell.

That’s the beauty of research. Once you know enough about it, you can make informed choices about what you use to shape your storyworld, and make it feel authentic even as you’re fictionalising it.

The point of that though is that this background research is so fundamental to the DNA of the story itself, that it can’t even begin to exist without it.

Loose plotting

It’s usually around this point that I’ll put together a loose plot. This is generally pretty thin, but I’ll start to put pieces into a bit of an order. 

The pornstar au is, again, a really easy example of this. Three parts felt right for it, the shooting of the porno itself was always going to be in the final part, which gave me two chapters to get Beth there. I knew she was going to submit herself through an amateur talent callout which I’d discovered in my background research, so the question of it was more around why would someone like her sign up? Canon plot points help – Beth needs money! Fantasy kicks in again, haha – because she and Dean are finally divorcing.

On the other hand, the pirate au is pretty much unrecognisable from it’s first loose plot.

In it, I’d pencilled in Beth travelling on a ship with Dean and the children, pirates boarding, and Rio kidnapping Beth as collateral to help him escape. 

My loose plots change a lot and usually grow in detail, evolve and change shape as I start to ask myself why, and there are a lot of reasons why the pirate au changed so much, but I’ll get to that a bit later. 

The point is, once I have a loose plot, I’ll usually throw some more words down, see what I’ve got, and then get to the part of the research process I like to call: 

Question time

With background research done and a loose plot and some draft scenes written, I hit a much more specific part of the research process where I don’t need to know broadstroke background detail, I need to know the answers to really specific stuff. I usually write a list and try to do it all at once so that the writing process isn’t too much stop-start. I bullet point the answers in my creative doc then too, so the information is right there when I need it.

Again, the questions I asked of the pornstar au and pirate au were pretty different (although there were a few similarities, haha). Some of the questions I asked were: 

This is actually a case where the pirate au was, in a lot of ways, easier. History is well documented and fact checked after all, but current porn industry standards are, y’know. Not quite as transparent, haha. I’ve mentioned it before, but I actually started to fill out an amateur porn application (with a false identity of course, haha), so that I could see the full form and get a genuine sense of the questions they ask, which is hilarious, annnd brings us to sources. 

Sources

In researching, there are definitely things I’ll just Google, but I also like to utilise sources pretty widely. In particular, Google’s not really going to give you a great sense of what - say - the life of a pornstar’s like, but there are some great podcast series where performers talk about their lives in their own words. Similarly, Google searches are great for the cliffnotes of an answer, but don’t hold a candle to era-made drawings, letters and newspaper clippings. 

For the two, I’d probably say my sources looked something like this: 

How do the answers to these questions affect the story that I want to tell? 

Annnd of course, the answers to these questions frequently end up re-shaping and re-framing my story, both directly and indirectly. Originally for instance, I wasn’t going to have condoms at all in the pirate au, because I naively assumed they wouldn’t be invented yet in a loose 1800s-set fic, only to discover that some version of a condom has been around since Ancient Rome (it was made using the bladders of animals! Gross!). 

Other times it’s indirect. The idea for instance in the pirate au to have Beth realise the houses that the men had robbed through certain items they were wearing came really from looking a lot at antique store sites and image archives and seeing how much was custom made for families and individuals. That in turn made me think how for someone who’s ability to think on her feet and observe are her strengths, that could really come into play as a plot point. 

Re-Plotting and Writing

It’s usually around this point that everything comes together and I start to really map out a fic in a firmer, more meaningful way, and also just throw myself into the writing of it. I generally feel like I’ve got the tools at this point in the process, and start to talk to the story in a bit more of an informed way. 

It’s also really where I start asking myself why? and what does this mean for the next scenes? a lot. 

Jumping back to the original pirate au plot, this was really where it pivoted as drastically as it did. There were too many tropes in that premise that I didn’t like. I didn’t like that Beth had no agency in the act that connected her to Rio, I didn’t like the trope of the MOC kidnapping a ‘helpless’ white woman, I didn’t like that Beth would be taken from her children by force and how that would impact any connection her and Rio formed and ensure that a major part of the story would have to be devoted to Beth trying to get back to them.

Immediately that made it a case where Beth had to choose to go with Rio, but why would she leave her family? And why would Rio let this upperclass lady onboard his ship? So she snuck on. So she had to, because Dean lost everything again. Okay, but would Beth just leave the kids with Dean after he’d done that? No way, not with the implications of the time, so who would she leave them with? Annie or Ruby - no, I want Ruby on the pirate adventure. Annie. But what on earth could put Annie in a secure enough position that Beth would willingly entrust her children to her? 

Thus the subplot of Greg wanting to legitimise Ben was born! Which I doubly liked, because it kind of mirrors canon, haha. 

In that case, the research really helped me flesh out a story world that let me explore character storylines in a way that I wouldn’t always do, which is insanely fun to me, haha, so I forever am left hoping it’s fun to read too. 

But yes! In a nutshell, that’s my research process. :-) 

[carewyncromwell]

Whew! Three drawings for the price of one for the POTC AU! The first two feature our new Pirate King Jules Farrier-Weasley @cursebreakerfarrier (flanked by Jacob “Black Jack” Cromwell Roberts and Orion Amari), and Cutler Beckett (flanked by Carewyn Cromwell “Carey Weasley” and Patricia Rakepick). The last one features the human form of our Davy Jones, Finn McGarry @theguythatdraws, with his One True Love Chiara Dalma, A.K.A. Calypso! These took a while, but they were fun to do, so I hope you like them.

Jules’s “tunic” is actually the same chemise she cut up while she was still on board the Artemis, as seen in a doodle on a previous post. Carewyn’s new uniform (which we’ll address in this part) is based on yet another of James Norrington’s costumes, this time the one he wears in the third Pirates film. Unlike the character whose role she roughly fills, though, Carey isn’t going to die unceremoniously in the middle of the damn story after getting this costume change. (Why no, I’m not bitter about the fact that Jack Davenport didn’t get more screentime and that Norrington didn’t get to be the Javert to Captain Jack Sparrow’s Valjean in the sequels the way he so could’ve been after the first movie, why would you think that? *snort*)

Now that we’re getting more into the Davy Jones/Calypso stuff, I can acknowledge how much I’ve changed from the original films’ depictions of the characters, as well as why. Personally I find the characters’ relationship to be a bit toxic and not as romantic as it should be. Calypso, being a goddess, could very easily not understand things like the passage of time through a man’s eyes, but the excuse she gives for why she wasn’t there to support her lover after all of the hard and lonely work he’d put in for her after ten years is just “it’s who I am.” I get that she’s a manifestation of the sea and not something you can pin down and all that jazz, but at the same time, it was cruel to follow her own selfish whims over considering her lover’s feelings. She presumably then also didn’t even try following up with Jones after he returned to the sea, as they aren’t able to sort out that misunderstanding before the events of At World’s End. (I mean, she’s a shape-shifting goddess of the sea, and she made him that way in the first place, so it’s not like she couldn’t have met him somewhere that wasn’t dry land.) I understand Jones couldn’t expect her to change her nature, and that’s fair, but it doesn’t make me like Calypso very much or feel much of anything for her relationship with Jones. And on the flip side, Jones decides to take out his pain at this misunderstanding (which he really should’ve tried clearing up AGES before the events of At World’s End) on his lover in the most spiteful, vindictive way -- teaching a bunch of pirates how to trap an immortal goddess into a mortal body that definitely has none of the power innate to her, presumably feels pain, and could even age or die. Rather than trying to quit the job Calypso gave him or even trying to figure out what happened, he decides to clip the wings of the woman he supposedly loves, all due to his own pain at being betrayed. So I don’t feel much for Jones as a character and for his relationship with Calypso either. In the end, when they quasi-make up, I didn’t think it was earned or that it was a good outcome for either of them. I do think there’s some tragedy in the situation, for they clearly feel deeply for each other, but their romance is really dysfunctional in my opinion, and I think it could’ve been handled a lot better if you wanted to make the pairing as romantic as the theme Hans Zimmer wrote for it. (As a side, take a listen to this lovely lyric cover someone wrote for the Davy Jones theme, it’s so good!) This is part of why I like being able to write Chia and Finn (the Calypso and Jones analogues in this AU) with a more sympathetic backstory, as well as some organic development for both them and their relationship while they’re apart from each other, which I kind of think was lacking in Tia Dalma/Calypso in particular.

Previous part is here, whole tag is here, and I hope you all enjoy!

x~x~x~x

Carewyn was perturbed by how fast an armada of ships from Port Royal caught up with the Flying Dutchman, once Rakepick had Jones send one of his cursed crew members with a message for Beckett. It was as though the head of the East India Trading Company had been waiting in eager anticipation of the Dutchman locating Shipwreck Cove ever since he gave her and Rakepick the mission in the first place.

Among the armada was the Clearwater, and Carewyn was shocked and a little happy to see Percy crossing over to the Dutchman from his ship and leaping off the gangplank to greet her. The youngest of the three Weasley brothers who’d joined the Navy gave her a salute for formalities’ sake, but he couldn’t keep the relieved smile off his face.

“Commodore Weasley,” he said formally.

“Captain Weasley,” said Carewyn in return.

As soon as they’d greeted each other, both of them loosened considerably. Carewyn opened her arms and brought Percy into a rather mannish hug, clapping his back the way Bill often did whenever he hugged his brothers.

“Jones’s men treated you well, I hope?” Percy murmured under his breath, his voice betraying some cold suspicion despite himself.

“Well enough,” Carewyn said softly.

When they broke apart, Percy was smiling a bit more fully. 

“It is good to see you, Carey,” he said, his faintly pompous voice nonetheless incredibly sincere, “though I’m afraid I’ll have my own ship to run now...”

Carewyn smiled proudly. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. A Commodore needs a talented Captain in his fleet.”

‘I know how long you’ve dreamed of moving up the ranks. Even if the Navy isn’t what it should be...I’m glad that you’re living your dream, Percy.’

Percy’s brown eyes softened, clearly touched. Before he could say anything, however, a familiar, aloof voice interrupted him.

"A Commodore does indeed need a talented Captain...”

Both Weasleys turned to Cutler Beckett as he stepped down onto the deck of the Dutchman beside them. His small eyes were locked firmly on Carewyn.

“...as does the Admiral of the fleet.”

He materialized a folded letter and held it out to Carewyn. Her eyebrows furrowed as she opened it, before her eyes widened upon its contents and the royal wax seal at the bottom.

“I’d already had this prepared ahead of time, prior to your departure from Port Royal,” said Beckett with a cool smile. “I wrote to the King of how impressed I was with your dedication, ingenuity, and talents, and he was most pleased. When I requested you to be at the head of my fleet for this upcoming venture, he agreed immediately. Upon receiving Madam Rakepick’s letter about you initiating the search for the Tower Raven’s old fleet and using one of their own ships to guide us to our target...I knew that my faith had been more than warranted.”

His eyes narrowed slightly over his cold, satisfied smile.

“Congratulations...Admiral Carey Weasley.”

The “honor” the King had bestowed upon her, if one could call it that, made Carewyn feel ill for multiple reasons. Not only did she truly not, NOT want to fight the Pirate Lords and whatever ships they gathered together, but she knew that she had largely gotten the position thanks to the effort of Rakepick -- who had for whatever reason credited Carewyn for following the Phoenix rather than taking credit herself -- and Beckett -- who Carewyn didn’t trust as far as she could throw him, but couldn’t figure out why exactly he had so much “faith” in her. Was she truly that good of an actress to completely fool him? She wanted to think so -- and yet the way he looked at her, not unlike how Rakepick looked at her, spoke of him knowing something she didn’t. Sadly Percy, even if he had seemed legitimately troubled by the hangings in Port Royal, was not distrustful enough of Beckett to express anything but pride in Carewyn’s accomplishment, so Carewyn couldn’t talk to him or anyone else about her suspicions.

When she confronted Rakepick about what she wrote to Beckett, the older woman’s response was oddly coy.

“I already told you you don’t belong on this ship,” she said, her dark blue eyes locked firmly onto Carewyn’s with a murky emotion she couldn’t quite identify. “Now that you’re Admiral, you’ll have more power to command your own ship, overlooking the Dutchman as well as the rest of the fleet.”

Carewyn’s eyes narrowed. “So you wrote that so I’d get off the Dutchman?”

Rakepick’s eyes narrowed slightly too, becoming more solemn. “You heard Lord Beckett -- he’d already planned this for you in advance. Although my reasons are different from his, I’m more than willing to play along with his whims, if it means I get what I want.”

“And what is it you want, Rakepick?”

Rakepick’s red lips curled up into a cool smirk. “Now, Admiral...one can hardly expect a lady to answer such a personal question.”

Not long after confronting Rakepick, Beckett summoned Carewyn to his cabin on his flagship, a Man O’ War called the HMS Lion. Unlike any of their previous meetings in his office, Carewyn found the cabin completely empty except for Beckett when she arrived -- in the past, Percy or Rakepick had been there too, as well as one or two employees of the East India Trading Company. It gave her the feeling that Beckett wanted this meeting to be more private than the others, which gave her a terrible sense of foreboding.

“You wished to see me, Lord Beckett?” she asked, once she’d finished saluting him.

“Yes,” said Beckett.

He was sitting behind his desk, which once again had a map laid out with different model soldiers and ships littered all over it. There were also seven Piece of Eight coins lined up in a neat little row -- he was once again playing with the eighth, rolling it along his fingers lackadaisically.

“Word has come from Shipwreck Cove, from the so-called ‘Pirate King,’“ he said, his eyes on the coin in his hand. “She wishes to rendez-vous on a tiny island on the far side of Shipwreck Island at sunset tonight, a ways away from the Cove. No weapons -- just talking.”

Beckett’s eyes flickered up to Carewyn’s face almost critically.

“...The Pirate King...signed her name as ‘Captain Jules Weasley’ -- so she’d be an old flame of yours, would she not?”

Carewyn stiffened slightly. ‘Jules is the Pirate King?’

She covered up her surprise quickly, her blue eyes narrowing.

“Miss Farrier -- pardon, Mrs. William Weasley -- never commanded any affection from me. Although her father bid she court me, her feelings were always for my brother -- so much so that she followed him into piracy.”

Beckett’s lips spread into a cold smile. “Then it’s as I surmised. Governor Farrier expressed frustration that his daughter had not managed to ensnare your heart, as opposed to your older brother’s -- especially considering how much she seemed to enjoy your company...”

Carewyn could not figure out what Beckett was trying to suss out from this conversation and it troubled her greatly -- so she put on her best, coldest expression and lied through her teeth.

“Whatever woman I respected in the past is dead, now that she’s an enemy of the Crown,” she said harshly. “I know no ‘Captain Jules Weasley’...nor do I wish to.”

Beckett’s smile did not shift in the slightest. If anything, his small, dark eyes flickered in something almost like triumph.

“I understand your sensitivity to the matter. You truly do love with all of your heart, don’t you, Admiral Weasley?”

Carewyn’s eyebrows knit tightly over her eyes in confusion, but she did not reply. Beckett put the Piece of Eight coin down in the row on his deck and rose from his chair, moving over to the decanter of red wine on the side table so he could pour a glass.

“I saw you with Captain Weasley, before you left Port Royal -- and of course, your reunion on-board the Dutchman, earlier today. I also heard quite a few interesting rumors circulated among our prisoners from Tortuga, speaking of your honor and the respect you showed them despite their criminal status...even moving a woman into a cell with her husband without being asked, if I’m not mistaken...”

His voice was very aloof and was tinged with a bizarre fascination, like an entomologist might have for a rare butterfly he’d pinned to his wall. Carewyn felt like her heart was being squeezed, but she dare not say anything.

Beckett finished pouring out two glasses of wine and put down the decanter so he could pick up both glasses.

“It’s not something I’m familiar with, that kind of concern for others.”

He offered the glass of red wine to Carewyn, his eyes boring into her face. Carewyn kept her face as blank as she could even though she could feel the blood leaving it as she took the glass of wine from him, but did not drink it.

“...I did not mean to displease you, Lord Beckett,” she said lowly.

Beckett’s eyes flickered again with that strange satisfaction as he took a sip from his glass of wine.

“On the contrary -- it’s only appropriate, for a woman to have a gentle heart.”

Carewyn stiffened sharply.

‘No. No, no, no -- !’

It was one thing for Rakepick to find out, but Beckett to know -- did Rakepick tell him? No, she said she wasn’t really doing any of this for Beckett -- should she deny it, Carewyn wondered? But if she did, and he caught her in a lie, could that make it worse -- ? 

Her hesitation made Beckett’s eyes gleam with greater satisfaction than ever.

“Then I was right,” he murmured. “I admit, I wasn’t sure. True, your voice is higher than one normally hears and you’re smaller than most, but I know first hand that means nothing. And your military record...had it not been for me having met and employed Patricia Rakepick previously, I would never have believed a woman could be so skilled in battle and strategy, nor so aggressive. But when Captain Weasley expressed such interest in me having hired a woman, and even went out of his way to bring it up to you...my interest was peaked. All the more so when I found out how truly useful you are, as an officer.”

Carewyn felt like she was drowning in horrifying, icy cold water. Beckett knew she was a woman -- he knew she was a woman, and could tell anyone about it, if he so chose. She’d not only lose her position -- the one thing that she had left that she could use to protect Jacob, Orion, Bill, Charlie, and Jules...but she’d be cast out in disgrace, leaving her with nothing -- possibly taking Percy along with her for having kept her true gender a secret --

Her blue eyes had drifted down to the floor absently, but were not focusing on anything.

Yet...Beckett had said nothing of his suspicions to anyone. True, he hadn’t known for sure...but why would he recommend her to the King as an Admiral, if he’d suspected?

And then it hit her.

She bowed her head, casting her eyes into shadow as she put down her untouched wine glass on the side table.

“...What do you want from me, Lord Beckett?”

Beckett raised his eyebrows but did not respond.

“You very easily could’ve gotten both Percy and me cast out of the Navy in disgrace,” she said, keeping her voice low in an attempt to try to keep it steady, “yet you’ve kept me and even helped get me promoted, presumably because I’m so ‘useful.’ What use do I have, for you?”

Beckett gave her something of a patronizing smile as he stepped forward, coming up right in front of Carewyn so that his chin rested just shy of her shoulder and he could look at her face out the side of his eye.

“Isn’t it obvious? You are an excellent Naval officer -- a leader and inspiration to those who serve under you. You’re world-renown for your honor, your courage -- your passion. You prompt people to fight with you -- for you -- with a loyalty that even the King of England himself cannot boast. Were you a man, you would be someone I’d be very threatened by, indeed. But since you are a woman...I can appeal to your heart.”

Carewyn could feel his breath sliding past her ear and she couldn’t help but cringe. She stubbornly refused to look him in the eye, keeping her gaze firmly on the floor.

“I’m afraid my disinterest in the once-Miss Farrier was not a one-off thing, Lord Beckett,” she said very dryly. “Romance is not something I think about very regularly.”

Orion’s face rippled over her mind, making her heart ache. Oh, if he were there, in that room -- the thought of him seeing her letting herself get pushed around by the man who’d branded him and sent the Navy after him for piracy...it made her feel ill.

Beckett’s lips curled up in a slightly tighter, almost miffed smile as he pulled away just enough that he was facing the wall behind her rather than looking at her face.

“...Oh...no, Admiral...you misunderstand me. I know I own no part of your heart...but Captain Weasley, he most assuredly does.”

Carewyn’s head shot up so she could look at him, her expression stricken despite herself.

“Your younger brother is not nearly as useful as you, but he has shown great dedication to me, since I threw him a bone and ensured his promotion. It’s a loyalty I hope that you will likewise show me...especially considering that both you and he have been given access to information that few others have been...and that I would do just about anything to ensure doesn’t become common knowledge...”

Carewyn stared at Beckett, her shock giving way to cold hatred. 

“So that’s it,” she murmured. “You’ll hold Percy’s and my lives and livelihoods over our heads, to make sure that I don’t surpass you, somehow. How I don’t know, considering that the Navy is not part of the East India Trading Company, nor shall it ever be, but clearly you feel loyalty is something to threaten out of people, rather than earn -- ”

“The only thing one can really earn in this world, Admiral, is money, and therefore power,” Beckett cut her off sharply, “and I have no intention of losing either, now that I’ve earned both of which I’m owed!”

He turned to look Carewyn straight-on in the eye, their faces mere inches apart. Gone was any hint of attempt at gentlemanly poise -- there was a hard edge to his gaze, not unlike the way he’d looked at Jones, but because he was actually an inch or so taller than Carewyn, he seemed to relish the power he had looking down at her both literally and figuratively.

“You will use your talents to serve my interests,” he said under his breath, “and I, in return, will continue to reward you and your brother, by ensuring that your careers and lives flourish under me. It’s just good business.”

At sundown, Beckett and Jules met at the tiny island agreed upon. Jules strolled down the long, narrow beach toward the shoreline where they were to meet, Jacob on one side of her and Orion on the other. She’d originally wanted Bill with her, but McNully was able to persuade her that she’d look that bit more intimidating to Beckett if she arrived in the company of two of the most wanted pirate captains in the world, and even Bill had to agree. Jules was determined to stand between Jacob and Orion, though, considering that there was still a lot of tension between them.

Jules had been furious with Jacob, when she’d learned about the deal he’d struck with Davy Jones. Even if he’d originally planned to give Jones “a Cromwell” as in Charles or Blaise Cromwell -- two objectively bad people who had been largely responsible for Carewyn and Jacob’s abusive, unloving childhoods -- Jules was also confident in thinking that Carewyn would be horrified, knowing that Jacob was willing to enslave another person to Davy Jones, just to find her. Jacob refused to feel guilty for that, but he clearly was destroyed by the knowledge that his choice had put Carewyn in so much danger. It was apparent from the way he talked about it and the way his hands and shoulders shook with silent sobs that Jacob would’ve sacrificed himself a hundred times over, if it would guarantee Carewyn wouldn’t be harmed.

Orion, by contrast, hadn’t said a word since Jacob told them what was going on. Throughout the entire conversation, he’d had his hands clasped tightly in front of him and kept his gaze downcast, even taking time to close his eyes for long periods of time as if he were meditating. Despite his silence and his detached affect, his usually stoic expression and unsteady breathing betrayed genuine anxiety. At one point, Bill brought a hand onto Orion’s shoulder to try to comfort him, and Orion actually subconsciously smacked his hand away.

“I’m sorry,” said the Captain quickly, his voice very hushed and tense as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath through his nose. “Just...please, don’t touch me.”

Bill, Charlie, and Jules all thought they could guess how Orion was feeling. Although the others had forcefully shot down the idea that Orion was the least bit responsible since he couldn’t have known the consequences of calling Carewyn by her real name, their words had done little to soften the Pirate Lord’s brow. If Orion’s past behavior hadn’t been indicative of how deeply he felt for Carewyn, then the way he clasped anxiously at his own hands and shut himself off from everyone else at the thought of her being doomed to spend the rest of her life trapped on board the Flying Dutchman made it crystal clear.

“Orion’s always valued his own freedom more than any kind of loot,” McNully murmured to the three Weasleys under her breath, “more than anything, really. And if he cares about the Commodore so much...”

“...He probably couldn’t bear it, if she lost hers,” finished Charlie, bowing his head and closing his eyes as they welled up with pain and righteous anger.

As Jules, Jacob, and Orion approached the shore, they caught sight of three people standing in the distance. The man in the middle dressed in black Orion identified as Cutler Beckett. On his left was an older woman as tall as Orion with hair as ginger red as Bill and Charlie’s that Jacob immediately recognized as Rakepick...and on his right was Carewyn, dressed in a new yellow-trimmed navy blue uniform and a black tricorn hat.

The three pirates stopped five feet away from the Head of the East India Trading Company and his two female companions, a notable sting of tension prickling at the air. Jules tried hard to keep her focus on Beckett, but her eyes were drawn to Carewyn despite herself. Although her friend faced Orion -- the person directly in front of her -- with a hard, stoic expression, she looked so pale. When Jules glanced over, she noticed out the side of her eye that Orion’s unreadable gaze was also locked on Carewyn, even as he took deep breaths through his nose and his hands clenched absently at his sides.

“Well, well,” said Beckett, his eyes narrowing darkly upon Orion’s face, “if it isn’t my old friend, Orion Amari.”

Orion glanced at Beckett out the side of his eye without turning his face away from Carewyn’s. Although his face remained rather calm, there was a faint edge to his soft-spoken response.

“...I did not think you were ever much in the market for friendship, Cutler Beckett...considering it’s something you cannot buy.”

His gaze returned to Carewyn. Beckett glanced from Carewyn to Orion, his lips curling up in a very cold smile.

“Ah, yes -- you and Amari are old friends also, aren’t you, Admiral Weasley?”

“Admiral?” repeated Orion, taken aback despite himself.

“Yes,” said Carewyn, and although her response was very cold, her eyes pulsed with emotion that she attempted to obscure by glancing to the side in Jacob’s direction rather than straight at Orion. “By order of the King, as a reward for my work alongside Lord Beckett.”

Jules could see Jacob’s jaw clench out the corner of her eye. She too felt like her heart was being squeezed. Carewyn no doubt hated her promotion with everything in her, if it was something she’d earned chasing after them on Beckett’s orders. Still...Jules couldn’t express that flat-out, so she put on the strongest expression she could.

“...I suppose congratulations are in order, then.” 

Carewyn flashed Jules a look. “I don’t want congratulations from you, Mrs. Weasley. Or should I call you ‘Your Majesty,’ now that you’ve started playacting as a royal?”

Jules’s lips came together tightly when she saw how broadly Beckett smirked. The small man’s reaction seemed to piss off Jacob too.

“You will show proper respect to the Pirate King,” he said with a fierce look at the Head of the East India Trading Company.

“Respect,” scorned Rakepick. “Is that a word you can even define, Black Jack?”

“As well as I could wring your neck, if I were allowed,” spat Jacob.

“I’m surprised your ‘Pirate King’ would want a man in her company who’s so comfortable threatening a lady’s life,” said Carewyn sharply.

‘Don’t start a fight with her,’ she thought desperately, praying that Jacob would be able to sense her intent even with the act she had to play. 

Unfortunately Jacob, as smart as he was, was never the best at reading people’s emotions -- and so when his narrowed eyes shot to Carewyn, she could see a flicker of pain. She surmised that even if he clearly didn’t think she believed what she was saying, it hurt him beyond reason, to see her having to defend the woman who’d tried to kill him.

Orion, however, very quickly adapted to the new method of “conversation,” fixing Carewyn with a calm, but piercing gaze.

“And I’m surprised that a honorable officer such as yourself would be so comfortable in the company of those with no honor whatsoever,” he said.

‘You’re in danger,’ Carewyn surmised he was trying to say. Her eyes narrowed upon Orion’s face.

“I beg your pardon?” she retorted. “I fail to see how a pirate has any leg to stand on, speaking of honor.” ‘What are you trying to tell me?’

“Even I have more honor than a captain who would burn an entire settlement to the ground,” murmured Orion. ‘Davy Jones.’

“Jones follows orders, as do we all...something else a pirate wouldn’t understand.” ‘What about Jones?’

"Orders...from Cutler Beckett, or from you? From what I’ve heard, you were on the Flying Dutchman yourself -- hardly a place one would expect to find Port Royal’s greatest hero.” ‘You must get away from Davy Jones. Get off of the Flying Dutchman.’

Carewyn’s blue eyes narrowed a bit more. First Rakepick wanted her off the Dutchman, and now Orion? Yes, Davy Jones was dangerous, but at present she found him much less of a threat than Beckett...

“A true hero knows that his reputation comes second to the good of the others,” she said very softly. “As does a loyal officer.” ‘I can’t leave.’

Something in Orion’s dark eyes flinched.

“Your older brother will be very disappointed, to know you’ve sold your loyalty so cheaply,” he said just as softly.

Carewyn felt her heart clench. She knew he didn’t mean Bill -- and yet the thought of both her surrogate brothers and Jacob was a silent knife to her back. She didn’t dare look at Jacob for fear her strong facade would crack, so she kept her focus solidly on Orion.

“I would think given your own history with Lord Beckett, you’d know full well how valuable of an ally he is, ” she shot back quickly, feigning temper as best she could, “and how dangerous of an enemy, as well. Both I and the brother who chose to follow the law rather than spit in its face are certainly glad for his aid, in ending your reign of terror.”

‘I can’t leave, not with what Beckett has over me and Percy. And if I do leave, then you’ll be in more danger than ever...’

Her eyes bore into Orion’s fiercely as she begged beyond reason he’d understand.

“...You may tell William...that I am no Bedlam maid in need of saving.”

‘You can’t help me. I love you.’

Deep in the depths of his sparkling black eyes, Carewyn could see a flicker of desperation, almost like anxiety. Afraid that Beckett might notice the crack in Orion’s expression, or in her own at the sight of it, she quickly whirled on Jules.

“He is the one who should stand down,” she said, her voice hardening further in an attempt to obscure her emotions. “All of you should, unless you wish to face down an entire armada.”

‘There are 34 Man O’ Wars waiting out there for you,’ she hoped Jules would be able to discern. Even if she didn’t know an armada had that many ships, Jacob and Orion would.

Jules, to her credit, matched Carewyn’s act with her own cold gaze. “Don’t underestimate us, Admiral Weasley. Both the British Navy and the East India Trading Company have done that consistently from the beginning.”

“And now we have come to the end,” said Beckett smoothly. “Of you and the rest of your Brethren.”

The others all turned to look at him. He flashed Orion a look better suited to a cockroach before redirecting his gaze onto Jules.

“Tell your Court this,” he said in an aloof, condescending voice. “You can fight, and all of you will die...or you can stand down, in which case only most of you will die. I daresay the Governor could be persuaded to spare you from the gallows, if you threw yourself on his mercy...and if I were to be merciful enough to leave out your new position, in my correspondence with the King...”

Jules’s dark eyes flashed with hatred as she strode forward, coming to a stop two feet from Beckett so she could glare right into his face.

“There are few things I can tolerate less than cowards who resort to blackmail just to make themselves feel powerful.”

She didn’t look at Carewyn, but Carewyn could sense Jules was thinking of her, as she said this.

“We will fight. And you’d best hope that we will show more mercy than you would, in our place.”

The Pirate King turned on her heel and walked away. With some reluctance, Orion and then Jacob turned away and strode quickly after her, leaving the other three alone on the shore.

“So be it,” said Beckett with a cold smile.

Carewyn couldn’t look at Rakepick or Beckett at her side. Her gaze was solidly locked on the departing backs of her brother, friend, and love as they began to shrink into the distance.

She’d never been very good at relying on or having faith in others...but in that moment, more than anything, she knew all she could do now was put her trust in Orion -- in Jules -- in Jacob -- in Bill and Charlie and all of the other pirates on Shipwreck Cove.

‘Please...please, be careful. Please be safe.’

In that moment of helplessness, she felt her heart ache all the more, watching Orion walk away. She closed her eyes, trying to bring back the memory of him standing shoulder to shoulder with her on the Artemis -- of him lying in bed as she tended to him, when they were young -- but it was no use. The graveness of the situation was too dire even for escapism...

Carewyn clutched her own arms behind her back. They suddenly felt so much heavier...as if there really were manacles there she couldn’t hope to break.

‘...Please...please live.’

On the opposite side of the island, both Jules and Jacob noticed the silent tears that had streaked down Orion’s face...but none had the heart to address it as they boarded the jollyboat that would take them back to the Artemis and to Shipwreck Cove.

At the same time that the pirates and the leaders of the British Navy were meeting, Davy Jones had been left behind on the Flying Dutchman with Percy supervising the troops. Beckett thought that Jones was threatened into line by how many soldiers were still guarding his heart, but thanks to Carewyn, Jones knew that Rakepick had stolen and relocated it. Now that he didn’t know where his heart was at all, he knew he couldn’t afford to move until he’d found it again -- and with Carewyn likely leaving the Dutchman with her new position as Admiral, it was likely it’d take a while before she could smuggle him any more information she might acquire about that. For the moment, though, Jones had put that concern on the back burner, for the Dutchman’s arrival near Shipwreck Cove gave him the opportunity to catch up with the Phoenix.

As luck would have it, when Jones phased through the Dutchman and onto the Phoenix, the ship was largely abandoned, since the crew had all gone ashore to Shipwreck Cove. The only person remaining was a small woman with long white hair, looking out to sea over the deck. In her hand was a pretty silver locket in the shape of a moon, the lid of which was cracked open so that a sweet, tinkling music box melody played.

Chia Dalma closed the locket half-way through the song, her eyes closing sadly as she clasped the locket close to her chest. She straightened up in shock, however, when she suddenly heard the rest of the tune echoing from behind her. She whirled around, to be faced with a giant, hulking shadow with writhing tentacles sprouting out from his jaw, holding an identical locket in his claw. Anyone would’ve been terrified at the sight -- but Chia looked upon the figure with tears in her eyes.

“Finn,” she breathed. Her lips were curled up in a weak smile, just as they had been before, but the joy was stained with so many other emotions -- grief, shame, and regret.

Davy Jones regarded Chia critically as he took several plodding steps toward her. “You know I haven’t been called that name in years.”

Chia bowed her head. “Nor have I been called my true name in years.”

Jones tilted his head, trying to read her expression better now she was looking away from him.

“I had not expected to find you like this,” he said very lowly. “You’ve never taken on such a small shape before.”

Chia’s eyes flashed with righteous anger as she raised her head. “That’s because this form is one I did not choose to take. It was thrust upon me by the Brethren Court.”

Jones straightened up slightly. His eyes narrowed to slits.

“...Then they did not kill or trap you. They transformed you.”

His voice was as low and growling as thunder. Chia clutched at the sides of her arms with her hands, her gaze smouldering with resentment as she glared down at the deck.

“Oh, but they did trap me,” she said bitterly, “trapped me in this single form, which can’t do even half of what I should be able to. I’ve been able to use what power I have to slow down the aging process, but this body still feels pain. This body still feels strain, and weakness, and hunger, and exhaustion, and longing...”

Something rippled over her eyes -- something more ashamed and pained.

“...I never knew...how much time truly weighs on a human,” she murmured.

Jones’s expression grew much more grim. “An immortal such as yourself should never have had to learn that.”

“Should never have had to, yes...but...”

She looked up at Jones, her gray eyes pulsing with strength despite the pain rippling within.

“...why did you not tell me, how long ten years felt for you? I have felt those ten years several times over, trapped in this tiny, fragile, helpless body every single moment -- and it’s...it’s been torture. To know you took the job I gave you -- only coming ashore once every ten years, so you could help me with the burden of tending to the dead at sea -- when ten years feels like that, to you -- ”

Chia’s eyes flooded with tears.

“I gave you the position of ferryman because I wanted to spare you from death,” she whispered. “Because if I didn’t give you that role and give you some of my power, you would’ve died. I’d never thought that those ten years would feel so long -- drain you so much...”

Jones was quiet for a long moment. Then he brought up his claw to brush her bangs from her eye.

“It’s only natural that you saw things the way an immortal would. Time is no object to you -- ten years no doubt felt like a small price to pay, in the face of your life span. And...”

His eyes became a bit smaller.

“...it’s not exactly like I wanted to die and be separated from you either. Even though part of me always doubted you’d be there waiting for me, when I returned...even though I resented you for years because you weren’t there...”

A ghost of a smile flickered over his features.

“...I know I shouldn’t have expected you to see things as I have -- to change yourself to suit me. If you did...you wouldn’t be the goddess I fell in love with, would you?”

Chia smiled up at Jones, her eyes shining with tenderness.

“I tried to make it back to you,” she murmured. “When the Court transformed me, I tried so hard to get there, to reach you...”

She extended her hands, tentatively trailing them along his tentacled face. Jones seemed to tremble at her touch.

“I know of the danger you’re in, Finn,” said Chia seriously. “As long as Cutler Beckett has your heart, I know you’re beholden to him. But I have allies among this newest Brethren Court. If they convince the others to break my chains, as I’ve foreseen they will...then as soon as I am free, I will come for you. I will make sure you and I are never separated again...and I will make sure your captors suffer the consequences, for hurting the man I love.”

As her small white hands held his face, Jones’s face and frame suddenly began to morph. In an instant, the slimy texture, the tentacles clinging to his face, and his claw all vanished -- and there stood the tall, handsome pirate she’d fallen in love with so long ago.

Finn McGarry’s face broke out into a broken, soft smile. He stretched out his hand, caressing his love’s human cheek with more gentleness than his claw ever could have.

“Calypso...” he murmured.

Chia’s face broke out into a full smile as well. She knew she couldn’t permanently remove the fishy transformation, as it was something that had mutated Jones over the many years they’d been apart, due to his heartbreak and grief...but seeing him looking so much like his old self after so long...it made her currently human heart swell with love.

“Just as you gave me your heart, when you became captain of the Flying Dutchman,” she murmured, “so too will you always have mine.”