#i need to add variety y’all
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spiritually rebranding from sadbocchi to "sadbandgirls" im not changing my name but i hope you understand
#i need to add variety y’all#i tweeted this too but im just reposting here#for my tumblr only girlies
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NNN day 2 | Gothically Yours
summary: you’ve forced your boyfriend to let you do goth makeup on him and the experience turns out to be more fun than he could have expected, leaving both of you giggling while laying on the floor together…
warnings: FLUFF none! Just fluffy soft!bf!chris and his goth girlfriend playing around 😋
authors note: here we goo, second day of NNN done already. this idea was brought to me by @cupiidk1lls and basically all thanks to her for the idea, we’ve been brainstorming over it together too and how it should go. Sorry if this is a bit short too but idk how to make them longer without repeating the same things over and over again lol, hope y’all enjoy
no nut november | masterlist | guestlist
I scavenge through my makeup bag, preparing all of the products for a fun little activity I’ve managed to force Chris into today. Doing my style of makeup on him, he as per usual opens a can of pepsi and take a simple sip, we both sit in front of the mirror in my room with a variety of different stickers of my favorite bands and artists adoring the rims and edges of it as quiet rap music plays from the record player I have in my room. It was Chris’s choice today so thats why theres lil skies playong on the background, Ive bought vinyl records of the albums he listens to the most just so both of us can listen to the music we like.
He starts quietly singing along to the song currently playing by the time I turn my head to put on his headband to get his hair out of his face for once. "You like this song?" I ask, turning my head back to my makeup bag. Chuckling at his sudden musical interest, “Of course I like the song, it’s my favorite!” He states cheeringly which makes me giggle, after making sure I have everything I glance back at my canvas for today which is my boyfriend’s face. Grabbing the headband I put it over his head and pull it onto his forehead finally revealing his full face that’s always covered by his long ass hair.
“Finally I can see your full face.” I state slightly teasing, just to mess with him as I place a gentle kiss on his forehead which leaves faint black residue from my lipstick. He looks behind me at himself in the mirror and immediately notices the marks on his forehead, “Whats that on my forehead?” He questions and his eyes land on me and my black lips, already figuring out what it is. A soft chuckle erupts from his throat as he wipes it off with his hand while going back to looking at himself in the mirror. “Bro I look weird as fuck in this headband thingy.” “No, you don’t.” “Just look at me!” He argues and gestures to the mirror for me to look.
I turn my head and glance at him in the mirror, a slight pout playing on his lips. “You look fine, don’t be dramatic.” I reply before moving onto the main task at hand, he puts a hand on his chest for a more dramatic effect. “I’ll be as dramatic as I like, thank you very much.” Chuckling at his statement I pick up the first products and start to work on the base of his makeup. Blending in the products together with a beauty blender, his face already appearing whiter than ever. He glances over my shoulder again at himself in the mirror and decided to drop a comment. “Now I look like Casper the ghost.”
“Stop moving, Chris!” I comment softly, grabbing his face and again making him face me so I can continue my work. He mumbled a quiet “yes ma’am” under his breath before becoming still but I could feel his hands creeping up to rest on my hips to pull me closer to him as soon as I pull my hands way from his face. As I add the powdered products, I go over his nose and he sneezes from the tickle. “What was that?” He asks, glancing down at the brush with powder on it that made him sneeze so suddenly and raises an eyebrow. “It’s just powder, now just stay still in about to do your eyeliner.” I answer, going over his face with the brush again to apply the rest of the powder needed on his face.
Now moving onto the next step which is my favorite and really brings the look together, the eye makeup. I pick up the eyeliner along with a small fluffy brush and my pallet I use everyday. I start of with base eyeshadow, creating a smoky eye before finally opening the eye liner and starting to outline the shape. “How long is it gonna take you to finish?” I chuckle at his slight impatience, deep down I know he wants it to take longer than expected because he secretly enjoyed me doing makeup on him since we always end up as two laughing messes on the ground.
“It’s not gonna take me too long, don’t worry.” Then I go back to doing his eye makeup, now filling in his wing with the black eyeliner. Out of the corner of my eye I notice him admiring me as I do his makeup, I can’t help but let a small smile spread across my face at his eyes constantly being glued to my face. “Y’know you’re cool as fuck. Right?” He asks, tilting his head in question as if he’s never said those words to me. “You’ve told me that before today already.” “I know but I can’t help speaking the truth, ma.” His words earn him a deserved kiss on the lips, a sweet smirk appears on his face as he takes this opportunity to gently tackle me to me the ground and littler multiple kisses on my face.
I start giggling my ass off from the feeling left behind each one of the kisses before finally speaking between laughter. “You’re gonna ruin my makeup!” My words don’t make him surrender and only fuel him more to start tickling my sides, causing me to flinch slightly and intensify my laugh. “My-“ kiss “beautiful-“ kiss “goth-“ kiss “queen.” He says between each and single kiss as my laughter attaches onto him and infect him with my contagious giggles. He drops down next to me on the ground and we start laughing even harder than before completely out of nowhere, our surrounding becoming nonexistent as the only thing that’s left is just our laughing forms on the ground.
Guestlist!
| - @sturnioloblues - @sturnsxplr-25 - @strnzzvsp - @luvvs4chriss - @sturniolosweetheart33 - @pussypie456 @choclatestarfishwithahat - @venusxsturnio - @bagsbyclair0 - @sturnstvs - @dykes4chris - @hoe4matt - @cayleeuhithinknot - @strnilolover - @marrykisskilled - |
#✰ ! 𝐕’𝐬 𝐍𝐨 𝐍𝐮𝐭 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 ! ✰#✰ 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭 ✰#✰ ! 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚’𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 ! ✰#fluff#goth aesthetic#goth girlfriend#soft bf#gothic makeup#makeup#sturniolo triplets#sturniolos#sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matthew bernard sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#nicolas antonio sturniolo#chris sturniolo fluff#chris sturniolo fanfic
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🌙some wildly cheap commissions!🌙
🙃 for some even wilder reasons 🙃
hey y'all. long post thingie but it's got cute pictures so please check it out
TRANSCRIPT OF POST
hey frens got something kinda somber to talk about. most of you are very aware of the existence of my beautiful fiance and co-creator of basically everything i do. zae and i are getting handfasted (marriage for pagans) in october, and have been living together for about 10 years. in 2021, zae got really fucking sick, and after a few false starts, was diagnosed with a rare for of vasculitis called granulomatosis with polyangiitis, GPA for short. it’s an autoimmune disease that causes inflammation in blood vessels and other tissues, ultimately stopping blood from getting to the parts of the body that need it, affecting many areas, but primarily the respiratory system. while the cause isn’t known, it usually presents in people in their 50’s or 60’s, but complications from a third bout of covid-19 appears to have made it emerge way earlier for our boy. at least, that’s what we think. his case is extremely aggressive, advancing faster than anyone could have expected. in zae’s case, it actually attacked his kidneys first, and then went after his lungs, causing both to threaten shutting down for good. he was extremely anemic and needed a ton of transfusions, narrowly avoiding dialysis, and we spent weeks in the hospital keeping him alive. he was placed on two different kinds of chemotherapy to combat the disorder. he lost his hair, went through even more fatigue and pain on top of what the disease had already put him through, and had to accept a plethora of changes to his life that will last forever. a lot of you out there have harrowing experiences of your own when it comes to chronic and potentially terminal conditions, too, I’m certain. “it’s not fun” is an understatement. though there were a couple of really fucking close calls, zae’s GPA went into remission. his hair grew back fuller and more luscious than it had ever been before. (i later learned these are affectionately referred to as “chemo curls.”) remission for gpa is usually expected to last at least 5 years, potentially up to 20, before any symptoms resurface. but zae’s case was particularly aggressive, so of course he’s not so lucky. he’s relapsing now. his symptoms have been slowly returning, and it’s been decided that he’s going back on chemo. it’s no surprise that this shit is expensive, even with insurance. we’re still paying off the care he received last time because ‘murca. being disabled myself, work has been… let’s call it inconsistent, yeah? yeah, that’s a nice and comfortable thing to call it. no one’s doing well financially these days, so we of course have to get creative. long story short(er), i’m doing a commission special! for the next MONTH, i am offering fast commissions at crazy-low prices to try and help us create a cushion to keep us afloat and relatively comfortable while we begin the chemo process again. there’s several options for a variety of budgets, because i really hate the idea of seeking something for nothing, and i absolutely abhor having to reach out in this way. it makes me feel vulnerable and icky and… i’m sure you all understand that, too. i can’t thank you all enough just for following me, and engaging with mine and zae’s work. it may sound trite, but that really makes a difference to us, especially when we’re dealing with something so painful. so if you can’t or don’t want to partake of the sale, please know that you are still a huge help to us, and we seriously appreciate each and every one of you. like, so fucking much. thanks y’all love, fletch
END TRANSCRIPT
Commission Options:
Flash Sketches: $5USD/character
Comics: $5USD/panel - flat color
Comics: $10USD/panel - shaded color
Screenshot Redraws - $15USD/character (complex bgs, add $20)
all of this is posted with @zaebeecee's knowledge and blessing
please DM me if you're interested in something, and thank you again
more Hungry Games, fic fanart, and Persona stuff coming soon too
#my art#art commissions#personal stuff#fanart#fanart commissions#hazbin hotel#helluva boss#kingdom hearts#stardew valley#hazbin hotel fanart#helluva boss fanart#kingdom hearts fanart#stardew valley fanart#please share
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Looks like it’s time for me to pop back up again begging for fics about my new hyper fixation!
What’s in store for you in this post:
*An impassioned plea throughout the whole post to all of you amazing writers
*Gifs that will keep you up at night too
🎅 *My Gator Tillman fic Christmas wishlist 🎅
🏆*A (Smutty) Rec at the bottom for the best Gator x OC I’ve found so far🏆
*More gifs because goddamn I’m in a chokehold
It is seriously criminal how there’s like, two Gator x OC’s (that I can find, if you have any don’t hold out on me please!! I feel like I’m going through withdrawals having to wait a week for another episode as it is) on here and AO3.
I mean come on we all love ourselves a slutty, dominate, broken character that we all fantasize about fixing.
Not a single thought I’ve had about this man has of the Christ like variety, and I don’t think I really need to explain why just look at these gifs/photos:
HE HAS HANDCUFFS ON THE BED THE FICS ARE WRITING THEMSELVES
🎅My Gator Tillman Fanfic Christmas wishlist🎅:
I want a full story fleshing out our new favorite loser, but still somehow so damn attractive, Gator
I want an ofc that is too good for him but we all know we’d sink that low too girl
I’d LOVE it if it followed canon. Like how in the show he’s trying to get her/he's going after her like he is trying to get Dot
(come on if he was stalking you and called out to you and said “mama it’s time to come home” YOU TOO WOULD FOLD)
I want him to use those handcuffs on our girl once he finally gets her
I want smut
Y’all on AO3 come up with the best damn oc’s there’s a reason they’re binding yalls books and talking about them all over booktok like you guys are published authors
(Im not saying it’s right/that I participate or that it is even legal, I’m saying Ive seen it and I know you guys have the caliber of writing to make some people not give a fuck and try the law for some of you guy's stories)
I want him to call her mama
I want the dominance, the stalking, the cat and mouse chase
I want a plot as wild as this season and those families are
I know some people hate fics that follow plots of books or shows but this season is AMAZING and so fucking wild. I love it and I’d love to read about it and be immersed further into Fargo. I don’t want to leave the season 5 Fargo world I want to stay longer... with Gator
I want more smut
A plot that can only be contrived by fanfic authors who have been reading and writing since they were 15 or even younger
I want even more smut
I want all of the angst, good writing, and humor you can think of
I have a feeling we’ll need some of you fic doctors to write us a fix it fic of some sort
But I especially want smut. I want to drown in smut.
I want it all and you guys have served it all before so I know it's possible
If I could outline a whole plot, along with side plots, new characters and character arcs, write, and edit as fast as some of you guys can I would do it myself. I would do it for us. I’ve considered it. I mean I’ve been really considering it these past few days since it’s dryer out here than the Lyon’s bed. I’ve got an idea, lust, Christmas candy, and the hyper-focus to keep me interested for at least three to four weeks!! (I might have started if it wasn't the week before finals for me right now)
But some of you guys who’ve written for Steve Harrington (let alone other fandoms) have the ability to be best selling authors, so I know these communities have both the talent, ability, and the horniness to do this.
I believe in you guys, I believe in us. Let's do it for Christmas 🎄
REC I PROMISED:
Since it is the season of giving, I’m going to share my favorite fic so far. Let me know if there’s any fics we need to add, OR if there’s any books with love interests like Gator, for science 👀
Again the general criteria I’m using is along the lines of:
Is there an actual story going on?
Is there an oc who has a purpose, goals, wants, needs, an actual arc of some sort?
Is Gator Tillman still sexy af?
Is it following canon or is it original?
Is the plot and characterization good?
Does Gator call her mama or is it at least probable that he will 👀 ?
Is the grammar/writing good?
Basically the same stuff we all want to check off
MY FAVORITE FIC SO FAR REC:
The best I’ve found so far has been:
Every Little Thing
By BuckysGrace
Link:
Why I like love it:
1.) The writing is pretty damn good
Normally we have to wait a few weeks or months with new movies/shows/books for people to have time to write and publish their well written and plotted fics but we have been blessed early!!
I really like the sprinkle of tid bits to come here and there. The authors really laying the foundation down for this story leaving little comments and hints here and there in their writing and characters conversations.
I can tell that the author is really working hard to create believable oc's and a world that could actually be a part of the Fargo TV show universe.
2.) Damn the little taste of smut we got just flamed the fire!
Tell me why I could actually visualize Gator during that scene?!?! It really felt like his characterization was perfect here! And damn I love me some dominant, possessive, jealous himbos who would kill for me or worse.
I PROMISE I'M TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SPOIL ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS!!!
3.) I really like our girl Daphne (OC)
I feel like I can actually see her. Like I can hear her when she speaks. I can feel the awkwardness of her situation and her uncomfortableness radiating through me.
I like that she's shaping up to be a character with wants and goals and not just a 2-d romantic partner
4.) GODDAMN THAT DINNER WAS AWKWARD AND SEXY
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE AFTERMATH ooooooo boy. I’m not spoiling anything. You can suffer (and enjoy 😏) that part all for yourselves
5.) We have confirmation from the author that there is a whole ass plot and story in the works
I love to hear it almost as much as I love to read it! But I could tell that they had some stuff in mind from the way they were writing alone before the confirmation.
6.) AND ITS GOING TO FOLLOW CANON EVENTUALLY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME US!
I might just get to hear Gator call our girl mama before I die from fic starvation. Plus we just might get the stalker Gator on page like we have on screen!
7.) I like the dual time line
It’s done a good job of getting me hooked. I’m really interested in learning more about Daphne’s past and her relationship with Gator. I think as time goes on as we learn more about their relationship and her relationship with both her family and his things are really gonna kick off.
4.) Gators characterization seems to be pretty accurate
He's selfish, possessive, dominante, kind of a jackass, but he is also sweet to those he cares about. Which, is something I've noticed when watching the show, and I've seen some posts talking along similar lines. I don't think he's mean deep down, I don't think he has it in him. I think the facade he puts on is the product of his father.
BUT I'm not excusing anything he's done of course
6.) The grammar is pretty good
Good writing like punctuation and sentence structure along with good story telling is just so important to me. I'm one of those people who can't get into a story if it's not written well.
7.) GUYS IM SMELLING THE ANGST COMING
Some of us are like blood hounds for this stuff, you read hundreds or even thousands of fics and books and you can start to know what goodies are coming your way. And I can feel the pain train a comin down the tracks!
8.) The smut is promising to be real real good
I just want to circle back to this for a moment because I am so excited to read more
What I don’t like about it:
It’s not longer/finished already so I can't devour it in one sitting 😭
You might not have read it yet
@buckysgrace
I think the only way through this is to fill our thirst for this man and if here and TikTok have shown me anything it’s that we’re DAMN thirsty!
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!? GO WRITE MORE GATOR X OC SO WE CAN ALL DEVOUR IT ON A03 OR READ BUCKYSGRACE’S FIC AND CRY WITH ME THAT THERES NOT MORE OF IT OR MORE OF ANY OTHER GATOR X OFC FICS 😭😭😭
*Did I write all of this instead of doing homework and studying for next weeks finals? Yes. Am I eventually going to devolve into a fic rec/review only blog? Maybe maybe not.
More gifs/photos for research purposes
#fargo s5#fargo season 5#fargoedit#fargo#gator tillman#gator tillman x reader#gator tillman smut#gatortillman#joe keery#steve harrington smut#steve harrington#gator tillman x oc#jack skellington#at this point I might actually pay money#all I want for Christmas is this#christmas#tv#tvedit#please god have me be reborn in this world in the next life#smut#rough smut#ao3 fanfic#ao3#gif#I think I can fix him#or make him much worse#gator tillman fic#steve harrington x reader#archive of our own#gator tillman x y/n
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Hi everyone I’m sorry I haven’t updated as much as I planned, but I thought I’d share pics of how everything’s going in my garden (6/23/24)
The tomatoes have exploded and there’s lots of flowers. I’m hoping it’s not too hot and we actually get fruit this year (last year got so hot our tomatoes didn’t even flower during the normal growing season).
Next is the corn, which are also doing really well. It’s the sweet corn variety. Funny story, I planted the corn seeds without knowing you kind of need a lot to get a good crop because it’s wind pollinated. However, we have about 10 mature stalks and I’m hoping to get at least a small harvest. A few of the stalks are taller than me (5’3”/160cm) and one of the ears growing already has silk growing out of the ear.
Next are the cucumbers. One of the plants has a few eggs on the bottoms of the leaves so I used some Sevin dust. I’m hesitant to use neem oil because I’ve noticed lots of ladybugs in the garden and don’t wanna kill them.
The carrots are doing well after being transplanted. Unfortunately I don’t remember when I started the seeds so I’m not sure if they should be farther along by now (I believe I planted around late April/early May—late for seeds I know but I’ve got a long growing season and few frosts).
The various fruit trees/bushes/shrubs are doing well. Pictured are a thorny blackberry vine, an olive tree, a papaya tree, and a babcock peach tree. Everything is doing amazing. The blackberry is producing, the 4 peaches are growing and changing color while the olive, fig and papaya have been putting in some major growth/establishing.
Last is the melon patch. It’s also exploded and there are so many watermelons throughout the whole patch of varying sizes from bb-sized to the one pictured with my hand. I didn’t see any cantaloupe yet, but there’s lots of flowers. I haven’t actually gone into the patch due to how crowded it is (I’m hoping if we do get some we’d be able to see them when they get big enough). I’m estimating we have between 12-15 watermelon at least so far.
However, not everything is doing so well. The rabbits have been so destructive, they killed my producing pole bean, the peppers I transplanted into the ground and most of the radishes, leaving 2 left for us (I did start new seeds though because radishes are some of the quickest vegetables you can grow from seed to harvest).
For things I didn’t cover like the grapes, blueberries, raspberries, guava trees, the apple tree, the lemon tree, various flowers, onions, potatoes, and pineapples, they are all doing good as well. I also wanna add that I did start new bush beans/pole beans as well as various kinds of peppers (jalapeños, hot salsa blend peppers, golden bell peppers) in containers to make up for the ones that got chewed. Hopefully those will make a nice fall harvest. The potatoes are almost ready to be harvested and the blueberries and raspberries have had berries ripen one at a time due to how small they are (this is the first year for berries).
As for other things I have planned, I have a few art pieces I’d like to post if that’s something y’all are interested in. I also would love to talk about my experience with gardening and mental health but any and all posts related to that will be labeled with appropriate trigger warnings.
Thanks for all the support with likes/reblogs. Feel free to come lurk, talk, vent, ask, whatever. I just wanna inspire others that think they cannot grow things that they can. If you’d like to talk I mostly would like to talk about gardening/plants/mental health and how it impacts us as humans.
Happy growing🌱🌿💙
#gardening#garden#garden update#gardencore#gardeningcore#melon patch#so proud of the watermelon#really everything because we did almost everything from seed this year#to save money and help with buying perennials like blueberries and fruit trees#instead of transplants that are like 5-10$#planting things from seed is so satisfying#like I turned a hard dry thing into a living thing that gives me food#vegetable garden#fruit garden
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WHAT THE FUCK Y’ALL GET ALL THAT ON DESKTOP HELLO????????
😖 I miss when it was the norm. It was SO chaotic, so beautiful!!
I was going to add some things in the tags, but I please you need to know, because the one thing I remembered I HATED about it was music players! YOU COULD ADD MUSIC TO YOUR BLOG! And some evil souls would add their playlists on auto play which was a huge hilarious problem bc - story time - back then when we wanted reblog things, tumblr would open a new tab and, scrolling down the dash you wouldn't want to miss where you were, we'd open tabs and more tabs of posts to reblog, to then reblog one by one in one go and here things get tricky, because once you rebloged the post, instead of switching back to the dash, tumblr would direct you to the person's blog. Imagine you have 20 tabs open and suddenly 5 of them start playing different songs at the same time, many times on top of whatever YOU were already listening to :)
It worked as tumblr works. To be fair there were some terrible themes, people would make it nearly impossible to navigate their pages "for the aesthetic", but I miss the variety of it so much I wouldn't mind some bad designs. AND ALSO I believe users nowadays would know how to behave with this tool lol I wish Tumblr would bring it back in a way it could work with the app 😔
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sorry i totally goofed and forgot to post any progress pictures while i’ve been working on this cardigan lmao
it’s looking like a little vest now! i tried it on and i think i need to make it a little longer and make the front panels a little wider, but im going to add edging around the bottom and the insides of the front panels so i’ll be adjusting that later
i am loosely following this pattern but i wanted to use the yarn i already had (which is like, medium weight acrylic) and she uses bulky yarn for her pattern, so I’ve had to make a lot of changes & adjustments to accommodate for the smaller yarn & hook i’m using.
since i didn’t post any updates (lol sorry) here’s some of my progress pictures under the cut
i started out by making a bunch of these daisy squares.
tbh I really like how the little flowers look before adding the rest of the square around them. maybe i can find some other application to use these flowers for something. they were really fun to make!
i had a knot in one of my skeins of black yarn and panicked but it turned out to not matter at all — you can’t even tell the knot is there once all the squares are sewn together
i added several rows of dc, hdc, and triple crochet stitches to the panels to make them longer & wider. i kind of just played around with holding the panels up to my body and deciding if it needed more rows based on if it looked like it would fit.
there wasn’t really a set reason why i was using all those stitches other than adjusting the length. i mostly used a variety of stitches bc i was bored from doing dc over and over for the squares and wanted to mix it up a little bit lol. i think the variety of stitches looks nice together though
here are all the panels laid out and ready to be assembled!
i also added pockets! (not in the original pattern). for some reason i didn’t take any pictures during the process of adding on the pockets but it was super easy, i literally just made two more daisy granny squares and just sewed them on top of the front panels where i wanted the pockets to be.
next i just need to add the sleeves and finish off/clean up the edges on the insides of the front panels and the bottom and add a collar.
if any of y’all try this pattern, i would highly recommend you don’t be like me and use the yarn she says to use lmao. but as for me; i’m liking how this is turning out so far! i’ll be so excited when it’s finished and have my first wearable crochet piece!
#crochet#crochetblr#beginner crochet#crochet project#fiber crafts#fiber art#crochet clothes#sustainable fashion#slow fashion#handmade#learning to crochet#granny square
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i think that regardless what the poll says, you should upload whatever you really want to work on!! i think a lot of us are completionists in the way that we wish all the seasons of an anime were out all at once rather than waiting for new episodes, and since TFL is so fresh we just want that closure ig? don’t get me wrong, i want FTL soooo badly so i can add more details to my master doc breakdown but a lot of us are super excited for your other fics too!!
but at the end of the day you are the author and this is your hobby, you should do what you want to do the most at the end of the day!! worst case scenario, you could upload “slower” for FTL whilst “regularly” updating whichever fic you want to do the most so long as it doesn’t burn you out! variety is always healthy and it’s very common for writers on here to work on multiple fics at once 🫶🤍
this is totally not me being biased and wanting to see filthy smut of our beloved boys in various AU’s with your writing, specifically
-☃️
The way you just revealed my unspoken plan💀
Honestly, because I don’t want the hype for ftl to die down, I was genuinely planning on maybe making it like a weekly updated story as I focus on another (possibly whatever else wins on the poll— or what I rlly want to put out)!
But then again, I made the poll bc I’m so indecisive & it’s hard for me to even pick what I want to focus on myself 😭
& I used to update roughly 4 fics at a time during my wp era like it was nothing! The closest I had to a schedule was that an update for something would come every 3-5 days but I often ran into the issue of neglecting one story bc I was too focused on another.
Even so, I am considering using the poll results for my next big focus & then making ftl a side focus just to give y’all the needed closure before the hype dies down or fades away <33
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low cal meal tips
here’s a few meal alterations and recipes i have that make eating low cal easier, and healthier!
black coffee/espresso- cafe a la llave espresso
cuban coffee bean is very sweet and rich in flavor so drinking it without adding anything isn’t as unpleasant as drinking a plain american.
if you have a sweet tooth or just cant stand bitter coffee, this is a perfect alternative.
2 cals per 8 oz
healthy sandwich/toast alternatives
this is my go to lunch meal: two slices of toasted challah or whole grain bread, 2 turkey ham slices, equal lettuce slices for each bread, and two slices of tomato.
challah bread is made without butter, and is sweeter, so when i cant come across whole grain bread, i use challah. both are about 80 cals per slice.
this recipe can be really diverse; you can also replace the bread with low carb tortillas if you would like it to be lower in calories + add or replace it with cucumber and tuna or eggs and avocado. its up to your preference!
i like this because it provides a healthy balance of carbs, protein, and greens, and overall its refreshing and filling.
about 200 cals per sandwich- but it varies depends on what you make it with. you can slice it in half and save the rest for later to have 100 cals per meal if you’re looking to eat lower cals
oatmeal
plain cooked oats with a pinch of salt for flavor cooked with water, not milk
you can add almonds, some fruit, or cinnamon if you want extra protein or flavor!
this is my go to if i need fiber and want to stay full for a long period of time
140 cals for 1/2 cup of dry oats, but i usually do 1/4 cup of dry oats for 70 cals
quest protein bars
after trying a lot of different protein bars, this is now my go to
they’re the lowest in cals per serving in comparison with other brands, and provide the most protein per serving as well
at first the flavor and texture is a little gross, but after a while and once you get used to it, its a great alternative if you’re craving dessert or something sweet
170-200 cals per bar, depending on the flavor. (theres a wide variety of favors to choose from!)
those are all the meal tips for now, theyre not very original, but i’ll make an updated list as i come up with more recipes!
lmk if you have any questions or concerns <3
i wish y’all safe eating
#⭐️ve#⭐️ving#tw ana thoughts#tw ana diary#tw 3d#ana trigger#ana goals#ana inspo#ana rules#anorekix#th!n$p0#th!n$piration#mealspo#mealspø#healthy meals#low cal meal#i wish i was thinner#ana tip#anatumblr#anasp0#@na rules#@na tips#@na diet#skinnyyy#skinnysp0#low cal restriction#low cal recipes#low cal ideas#low cal dessert#low cal breakfast
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RE: Portraits of Sims of Color
Hey!!!
A really lovely simblr sent me a message yesterday and I realized I haven’t actually like... talked about this????
But basically I need to announce a few things:
1. I’ll be doing a reprisal of my America Robinson collection from a few years ago for Black History Month. The set is dedicated to one of the first graduates of Fisk University--a singer, educator, and all around an amazing woman.
1.a. Last year I tried to do a reprisal with a community-focused approach, and then my laptop’s motherboard fried to death. Just. Just in case anyone wondered what happened with that. I’m sorry. 8(
2. I intend to do portraits of a wider variety of ethnicities going forward. While my “specialty” is obviously, European/white American historical fashion, I do intend to branch out and do portraits based on a broader range of cultures in style and dress as well. This will be over the coming months/years, since I need to do the research to make sure I give those representations the respect they deserve. (What that means is, you’ll get a broader range of ethnicities still in mostly European/American dress sooner rather than later, and over time I will research and add more cultural representation to the best of my ability.)
2.a. All that said: I am white, and I never, ever want what I am doing to be ~the representation~ or whatever. I don’t want to speak out over people of color. If you are a person of color and would like a specific thing represented, never hesitate to reach out to me! I am always, always open to suggestions on what to do next. I am excited to move forward with more research and hearing what y’all want to see! <3
3. Just reiterating that if anyone ever wants to convert these (or any) portraits to TS3, TS2, or TS1, go for it! All I ask is that you never, ever charge money for them, not even early access.
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not to continue the angst train, but does anything in young vets au reflect Buck and Bucky being POW's? I could really see how that might add to Buckys post-war state as well.
*generation kill fans i put your tag on here since y’all might be able to help me out here, sorry to ‘intrude’!*
ive been thinking about that- but my short answer right now is: i need to do more research.
i will be very honest that i have next to 0 clue how POWs worked during the afghanistan war- outside of knowing it was very very rare in comparison to other wars the US has been involved in. and admittedly i did go to the bucky being an EOD route because that felt like an easier rabbit hole to go down research wise/“more simple”. (s/o to the former one that did an AMA on reddit). though i did mess with the timeline a little there she chose to ignore that the last air force EOD mission ended in 2014. (in this au save for curt they all left for the last time during the final US pull out in 2022)
and say i have some personal reservations on writing that type of thing/their interactions with the ‘locals’ there because of my own personal feelings about that war (curt coming home with very different feelings about it than he went with is heavily inspired by my brother who was in the army in iraq, that my very differing opinion dad says is ‘allowed to be wrong i guess since he was there’ 🫣). and i want to be very very cautious of how i characterize any characters of that variety. writing nazis as irredeemable villains is (obviously no shit) easy, whereas this is something i have more complicated feelings about doing, and doing right. i hope that makes sense bc i feel like this is very word salady 😅
if anyone knows more on this topic than i do *please* feel free to come chat on anon or send me a dm!!! i’d love to talk
#gonna throw a generation kill tag on this since fans of that might be who im looking for to talk to here?#young vets au#generation kill#hbo war
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My version of King Urchin Loaf from FFXIV as requested by @fourfoldbled! Clip Studio Paint, Gouache Brush, a few hours on and off. “King urchin corals mixed with mushrooms and herbs, then returned to the urchin shell and baked until delightfully spongy.” Here’s the original that I used for reference.
Free to use with credit and/or by linking back to this post.
I don’t actually play FFXIV yet. I am watching y’all play though and it does look fun but I have SO MUCH going on right now and no room in my life for a new game yet. I am saving most of my new game spoons for Stardew Valley that a friend got me for Christmas, and I’m saving any other new game spoons for Tears of the Kingdom since that comes out a bit after my birthday and I am so thirsty for more BotW content. But the game does look fun, the playable character variety is amazing, there are loads of cute mounts and glamours and all sorts of neat things and trust me. The urge is strong. I just literally do not have the brain space for it. But I do have the brain space for the occasional food drawing. So here it is. Free to use with credit (I don’t sign my work for a clean end product and I would LIKE y’all to respect that and understand this is a privilege intended for improved viewing experience. I can and will absolutely add signatures and big ugly watermarks if y’all can’t behave. Art should be shared, used, and appreciated but ALSO compensated. And I would like my name attached to it, it’s a small price, no?) So if there are any FFXIV RPers or whomever that for some reason need a large painterly image of this particular food, yeah. Go wild. The description doesn’t say what mushrooms or what herbs so I just went with what felt right. Doesn’t say what the sauce is either. Took a little liberty with the sauce in the original image because I couldn’t tell if that was some sort of toasting or seasoning. So y’all are getting caviar pearls. Fight me. Served in the urchin shell because I figure if they prepare it in one before they cut it and plate it, it could be cute to serve it in the urchin too. Gonna drop a tag to @quezify too, even though this isn’t an egg, because I couldn’t have developed my skills for this drawing without Eggtober, the very specific Inktober that he hosted. Speaking of. Gonna plop the master post here for anyone curious since that’s basically my portfolio at this point.
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What do you do when it all gets too heavy?
\Post02\:Y’all! I have been M.I.A. and I’m sorry. Kind of. So this is going to be a long one. Sit down, grab a snack and a beverage (maybe of the adult variety) and let’s catch up.
*TW talks of w*ightloss & d*ath*
To say I have been going through it would be a massive understatement. I’ve been so up and down, I’m not even sure what’s next anymore. My health is worse than it was before and it really has me feeling some type of way. I leaned on my boyfriend for support a few times, not nearly enough because I’d hate to be a burden – but me being sick was taking an emotional toll on him… Let’s just say he may not be my boyfriend anymore. Who knows. I don’t know much about anything anymore. This sucks of course because he says, “I love you and I hope you get better. I want you to be healthy”. Then, he beats himself up for “NoT BEinG tHe MaN I deSErve". I HATE THAT. Don’t beat yourself up because I’m sick and it’s hard. If anything, he deserves a healthy, happy partner. Not whatever I am. I’m not the woman he deserves. Who deserves stress and uncertainty tainting a budding partnership? I know the answer to this one: nobody.
The things you fear deep in your mind actually becoming reality is such a strange feeling. Is everything secretly a premonition? Did I manifest this subconsciously? I really thought, “If I can’t be healthy, I can at least be happy”, but the universe threw that back in my face 10-fold. And I’m proven right, for once in my life, that no one can actually stomach (pun intended) being a sick person’s partner. Obviously, this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I sure as hell believe it applies to me. Outside of familial deaths, I’m not sure if I’ve ever been this sad in my entire life. This broken and beaten down. This… hollow. This sad and sick. This sick and tired. This done.
As I was on my way to work one morning, I managed to leave my feeding tube bag uncapped, so my formula spilled all over me, my car, my feeding pump, and my work bag. That was the last straw. After the special kind of hell I had been through the last few months, this is what happens? I had to turn around to go back home and change, clean up my car with a quickness, and make my way to work. I couldn’t do it. “There is no way I’m going to get through this day”, I thought to myself. I immediately called my therapist – she was unavailable. I called my mother – she was in a meeting of course; I asked if she could step away because it was important, but she didn’t understand. What could possibly be more important than her meeting? (Side note: she called me about an hour later, saying she stepped out of her meeting and couldn’t go back in because someone else was doing her presentation. I of course said everything was fine, it obviously wasn’t, so then she began giving me a speech about how I should be more rational and not so emotional. Just what I needed of course.) My friend who I would call was on vacation and my sister that I confide in was at work. The only person left to call was my father. THIS WAS A MISTAKE, AND I FEEL HORRIBLE.
My father asked me what was wrong and all I could say was, “EVERYTHING”.
My father actually called the police that day to do a wellness check on me because he was so scared by the sobs coming from deep within the pit of my pancaked, dysfunctional stomach. Oh, how I cried. I sobbed at what my life had become. On the floor, body shaking, eyes burning, feeding tube moving around my nose. The. Whole. Nine.
Over the last 6 to 8 months I’ve developed new symptoms, began having longer pain flares (sometimes for more than 10 hours straight), lost my prescription for my feeding tube, gained it back again, been turned away by doctors and picked up by them again. I was even told I should’ve gained at least 60lbs by now (I’ve only gained 2 or 3lbs in the last 2 years) and to do more exercise and add more calories. How am I expected to do all of that?
And the worst thing of all: I MET WITH PALLIATIVE CARE. I know what you’re thinking – I’m basically a child (in my mind at least), how can I take that step so soon? Well, I’ll put it like this: I have been fighting for so long, fighting my own demons, fighting the medical demons at the hospital otherwise known as Administration, trying to figure out my diagnosis, and dealing with several unexplained, non-specific findings on tests. There is no cure in sight. Hell, there’s barely any symptom management. The amount of pain I’m in and the weakness and the fatigue is enough to make anyone throw in the towel. SO, that’s what I kind of did. I set up a game plan for if (maybe when – I’m trying to be optimistic but realistic here) things don’t end up getting better in a timely fashion. I haven’t told my family yet, but if there’s no cure, no game-plan to fix whatever this is or lessening of this pain in the next 6 months, I’m stopping all my treatment. I’m going to just let whatever happens happen; I don’t have to tell y’all what’s going to happen. You know. I’ll be hanging out with Casper and them.
After that appointment I went down a rabbit hole. And if I’m being 100% honest (and I will keep it 100 here, that’s what this is for), I have made dissociating from my reality a daily task. It is necessary sometimes, especially when the weight of an illness/disorder/situation/disease starts to become a bit too heavy. Sometimes it is imperative you take a moment to distract yourself from your own reality – to take a break from things crumbling beneath your feet and imagine you’re standing on solid ground again. Even if it’s for a single moment or a few moments a day, a week, a month, etc.
But here I am, repeatedly fighting with doctors, nurses, administrators, insurance companies to say, “Hey! I deserve healthcare – good quality healthcare!” and for them to essentially say, “No, you actually don’t”. I let my (microscopic) social media following know that I actually wasn’t okay, and that I needed time to myself so I wouldn’t be answering any attempts to reach out for a while.
So if you’re my family or friends reading this – I’m still not answering communications right now. I just need time to process everything. I’m probably watching the entire John Wick or Mission Impossible movie franchise or escaping in a sappy book. And no. I’m not okay. Please try to ask me that less often.
To my readers: PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP YET. Keep trying to find answers. Keep arguing with whoever you need to in order to receive quality care, quality help, quality pain management, etc. You deserve to be here. You deserve the chance to be happy and healthy. I haven’t given up yet, though I may be close, neither should you. As always I’m here if y’all ever need to talk.
Anywaaayyyy. I’m going to do my best to be more consistent on here. And I may have given up on TikTok lol. We'll see.
Remember: you deserve the world and then some.
Take care xx
#undiagnosed#chronically ill#chronic illness#not okay#health journey#diagnosis#diagnosis journey#autoimmine disease#real#realistic#life is life-ing#everything's fine but not really#medical diary#medical diagnosis#health diary#wiah#waitwiah#new blog
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#SAMPLESUNDAY: HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS- “We’re too cool…”
Welcome to another Sample Sunday! I’m sharing a snip from HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS, my upcoming holiday novella. I’m making great progress and I’m excited to share Reid and Sabrina with you. No release date yet, but you will see this novella before the year is out!
Enjoy today’s snip-grab links to add this title to your ‘I NEEEEED TO READ THIS’ lists on Goodreads and The Storygraph.
“This view is breathtaking,” she murmured, admiring the lake at mid-afternoon. “I can’t get over how everywhere I look, it’s so…picturesque. Like right out of a Thomas Kincaid painting. No wonder Aunt Cara loves it here.”
I was reminded, taking in the view of my hometown, of the survey I was supposed to complete and the changes that I truly believed would revolutionize this community. I didn’t want to ruin the afternoon with work, though, so I set those thoughts aside for another day. We talked and walked, lost in conversation until the sun began to sink below the horizon, turning the sky a deep, dusky pink. We headed back toward the center of town.
In just a few hours, the town square had been transformed into a lively winter festival. The crisp air filled with the aromas of hot chocolate, popcorn, grilled sausages, and boiled peanuts. Children shrieked with laughter as they ran from game to game, eagerly trying their hand at each one. There was a ring toss, lawn bowling with pins that were painted like snowmen, “ice fishing” with magnets attached to plastic fish and sticks to mimic fishing poles. Booths stood side by side, boasting handmade crafts and tasty treats like taffy, frosted gingerbread and varieties of fudge-hazelnut, walnut, dark chocolate, white chocolate. Before I could eat my weight in candy, Sabrina and I got drafted to a corn hole team.
After picking out a few painted ornaments, we headed over to the towering pine tree in the town square, singing along to soulful holiday tunes performed by a live band.
Without the sun offering warmth, the chill in the air had a bite to it. I pulled my jacket closed and urged Sabrina to do the same, then nudged her over to Rooster’s Coffee and Hot Chocolate stand. A couple was working the line, laughing and talking with each customer as if they were old friends.
“I’m guessing you two are Sage and Bennett,” I said, once we had reached the counter.
“We are,” they answered in unison, with bright smiles.
“You don’t even have to tell me who you are,” said Sage, looking right at Sabrina, flipping the swoop of her bang out of her eyes. Her bright red Rooster’s Coffee t-shirt peeked out from a puffy black coat. “Ms. Cara cannot stop talking about how her niece is here visiting. She was hoping you’d find your way into town. I hope we’ll see you around more…and you dragged Cliff and Patricia’s son out, too!”
My brows shot up in surprise. “Nobody needs an introduction in a small town, I guess.”
“You look just like your dad,” said Bennett, “so it’s not at all necessary. Y’all want whipped cream on your hot chocolate?”
We headed toward the crowd milling around the tree with tall cups of hot chocolate and a generous dollop of whipped cream. I herded us toward the seats near a heater and waited for the ceremony to begin. I spotted my parents, who waved at us but opted to sit with their friends, a rowdy bunch of gray haired people that include Aunt Cara.
“I guess we’re not cool enough for them,” mumbled Sabrina.
“Or... we’re too cool.”
“That’s probably not true, Reid.”
“Agree.” I sipped from my cup of hot chocolate, sending a band of warm through my body.
Sabrina glanced at me, then glanced again in a double take. “Uh... you... you have some...whipped cream. In... in your...”
I wanted to ask her to lick it off but couldn’t decide if she would welcome that request or leave me hanging.
“Do you mind?” I asked instead, bending toward her.
She hesitated for a brief moment, then swiped her thumb under my lip. Her fingertips were cold, but the warmth that billowed through me at her touch took care of that.
“I look good?” I asked.
“Perfect,” she replied, with a smile.
The ceremony began with Larry Cable, city council president, opening the event in a brief prayer, followed by one of my favorite NBA players, Kade “KC” Cavanaugh taking the mic. I fanboyed a little as he spoke, then introduced his wife Leslie, who led us in counting down the seconds until he threw the switch that lit up the seven-foot Christmas tree.
As the tree illuminated, the crowd cheered and the band started up again.
Sabrina nudged me with her elbow. “What a perfect tree! It’s gorgeous!”
“Yes. Yes, it is,” I replied…but I wasn’t looking at the tree.
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staring down the sun [9]
⏯ chapter index
A/N: I'm in my feels this week for a variety of reasons, so I'm posting this earlier than originally planned. I really needed to get this story out of my head, so to anyone who might be reading this, I hope you're enjoying it so far.
. . .
but the shadows still remain
. . .
Elena met Paul Smecker while undercover as a Russian escort in New York City. Following an FBI raid on the Russian mob’s ecstasy ring, she had been detained with the other girls working that night. She kept her cover going, speaking nothing but fluent Russian as the federal agents handcuffed her. The accent continued to fall from her mouth as Smecker tried to interrogate her. But then he asked, in Russian, “How did you get that bruise on your cheek?”
She didn’t say anything, just looked down at her hands, her wrists turning red from the metal rubbing her skin raw. “A little bird tells me it’s snowing in Moscow,” Smecker added, and Elena shot her eyes up at him. It was code, a signal that he knew about her, who she really was. “A sparrow,” he whispered, the Russian translation sounding like vorobey. Sparrow—her code name.
The gold earrings arrived three years after his funeral, with the Russian translation of sparrow typed on a notecard, along with a date and time to be at the Church of Saint Christopher in Boston. There, Paul fucking Smecker appeared from the confessional booth to reveal he had faked his death and why. She cursed at him, much like she heard Eunice Bloom did later, but she quickly crossed herself and recited a Hail Mary. Smecker smiled, “That’s why I chose you, my Catholic sparrow.” She still called him a motherfucker after that.
“Fucking Smecker!” Connor and Murphy simultaneously cheer as they enter the office.
Bloom approaches Elena as the men hug each other, her southern accent low and measured with a curious smile. “You told them, didn’t you?” Elena bites her lip, and Bloom beams with laughter. “Oh, of course you did.”
“Boys!” Smecker boasts like a proud uncle. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you two.”
The twins glance at each other and then back at Smecker, with Murphy sounding so incredibly relieved. “Aye, us too.”
Smecker shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips like always. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that whole fake out. I know you’ve had enough of the real thing lately.”
Elena studies the boys’ reactions respectively, hoping she is right in assessing their mental well-being. As Murphy nods in agreement, Connor swallows hard but still manages to mirror his brother’s nonverbal response. And then, without a word, they both sandwich Smecker in a long, tender hug.
“Well, I can see where I stand in this little reunion,” Bloom teases, nudging Elena with her elbow. The boys look over at the two women, smiling as they both move to embrace Bloom with a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Y’all sure know how to make a woman feel appreciated,” she smiles, winking at Elena before turning her attention back to Connor and Murphy. “As much as I would love to catch up, we all have work to do. I’ll let Fucking Smecker explain everything, but first, I wanted to ensure you get these.” She hands them each a burner cell phone. “These will be how we’ll communicate with you now that payphones are not as common as they used to be.”
“Not to mention we can send encrypted text messages,” Smecker adds, winking at Elena.
“Sometimes telling you to find a payphone,” Elena retorts, half laughing at how she’s had to communicate with Smecker for the past couple of months.
Bloom laughs and waves both hands. “With that, I’ll leave you to it. Glad to have you boys back.”
Connor and Murphy thank Bloom as she turns on her Christian Louboutins to leave. She whispers in Elena’s ear, “Come find me if you need to talk later.” While the sentiment is sweet, the statement leaves Elena confused and anxious about what’s coming next.
As Bloom shuts the door, Smecker motions for Connor and Murphy to have a seat. He leans against the front of his desk, crossing one foot over the other as he looks through a file folder. “Your first target is a drug trafficking ring in New York City. Feds haven’t been able to get someone inside, and they haven’t been able to get enough evidence for a warrant, so this is perfect for you. Get in, take out the thugs, and we’ll tip off local law enforcement on the contraband left behind.”
The boys turn to each other and smile, almost giddy. “Sounds perfect,” Murphy exclaims. Connor nods and hums his agreement, briefly looking over Murphy’s shoulder to see Elena standing against the wall.
Smecker looks incredibly pleased with himself. “Good. And Jensen will go with you.”
“What?” The adrenaline makes her feel lightheaded, and her face flushes with pure frustration. The boys echo the question as they fast stand up and join Elena in her standoff with Paul fucking Smecker. The three keep their eyes locked on him as they argue why she shouldn’t go.
“No, no, it’s gotta be just me and Connor,” Murphy pleads.
“No, that’s not what I signed up for,” Elena protests.
“No, it’s too dangerous,” Connor attests.
All three of their voices overlap and rise in volume and anxious energy until they reach the boiling point of annoyance, forcing Smecker to yell. “Will you all just shut the hell up?” Elena, Connor, and Murphy stop, their jaws still hanging open like little kids getting in trouble. “This is not a negotiation. Jensen is going. Think of her as your…transition specialist.”
Elena glares at him. “You mean, ‘babysitter.’” The word falls out of her mouth, not realizing it, until Connor and Murphy turn their disapproving stares onto her. She rubs the bridge of her nose, wondering how she can explain what she really meant. Instead, she asks Smecker for his pack of cigarettes, then tosses it to Murphy. “Connor, Murphy…I need to speak with Smecker in private for a moment.”
Murphy looks at Connor, and the slight head nods, furrowed brows, and shifting eyes all add up to the twins speaking their silent language. Elena’s seen it before, specifically during that first therapy session at Hoag. It didn’t phase her then, and she’s not about to let it phase her now. And as irritated as she is by the whole situation, she’s really only trying to look out for them. She lowers her voice, almost begging the brothers to listen to her. “Please, go.”
The twins share another look between them, one of acceptance as Murphy lightly taps Connor’s arm with the back of his hand, motioning for them to leave as requested. While Murphy heads for the stairs, Connor hesitates, giving Elena a soft nod of reassurance despite his face looking so drained and unsure of anything.
Elena takes a deep breath as the boys leave, shutting the door behind them.
“What happened to your hand?” Smecker asks, his voice low and inquisitive.
Elena rubs the bandage as she sits in one of the chairs across from his desk. The truth feels like a loaded answer. “I can’t do this, Paul.” She sinks deeper into the leather, feeling small and embarrassingly hopeless. “I’m only going to put them in danger.”
Smecker walks around his desk and pulls out a bottle of Jameson, pouring two glasses with his trademark smirk. “First of all, you’re not putting these boys in any more danger than they already are. They can take care of themselves.”
Elena rolls her eyes, remembering every time Connor and Murphy declared that sentiment during therapy. She lets out an exasperated breath. “The FBI brought me in for questioning though. They think I might be an accomplice.”
Smecker hands her the whiskey, tapping her glass before he takes a sip of his own. “I’m not convinced that the FBI is handling this ‘by the book,’” he adds, gesturing quotes with his fingers for added emphasis. “Who was it?”
She glares into her drink. “Fucking Walsh.”
“He’s always been a by-the-book type of law enforcement officer.”
“He’s an asshole,” she says with whiskey coating her tongue.
“That, young lady, is an undisputed fact.”
Elena chews on her thumb, thinking about a million different what-if scenarios. “You think he made me? Maybe my cover’s blown?”
“I know you don’t like hearing me say this, but I don’t know. I doubt it. Seems to me that Walsh might be after something else. If he genuinely thought you had something to do with the boys’ prison escape, he would have kept you in custody.” Smecker sips his whiskey, thinking long and hard about their situation. “That is, if he’s still ‘by-the-book.’”
He sets the glass on his desk, running his finger over the edge like he’s searching for a warm tone to play. “That’s why I need you out there with them. Because if there’s something more insidious going on, I need you to find it.”
She looks at Smecker, feeling the weight of what he’s asking her. This man who had pulled her out of that Russian club and then helped her seek revenge on the Nikolai fucker that beat her up.
“The boys need you, vorobey.”
She takes a deep breath and throws the rest of the Jameson to the back of her throat. “Fuck.”
. . .
⏮ [8]
[10] ⏭
#boondock saints fanfic#connor macmanus x oc#the boondock saints#boondock saints#connor macmanus#murphy macmanus#fanfic#staring down the sun#waves of stories
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i’ve been thinking about this all damn day for no good reason. I don’t know what it is about engineers/programmers/stem-heads but y’all seem to exclusively start from a position of “can I?” instead of “should I?”
like an obvious example is search algorithms and social media reinforcing confirmation bias to an insane degree. it was clearly possible to make search algorithms that use your previous interactions online to curate your results. it was also a terrible idea, and several disciplines within the humanities were ready and willing to communicate that! at the time and currently! but stem disciplines don’t respect the “soft sciences” and are often outright disinterested in questions about the social ramifications of their creations. there was a whole movement about humanities illiteracy in stem fields because of the whole 'social media disinformation threatening democracy' thing [which mostly seems to have become STEAM initiatives- science, yada yada ART mathematics. which love the energy but sociology is not art and is the discipline stem fields need targeted exposure to.] I know you guys Do Not like that question but it is extremely important to ask! another example from another stem field is genetic research into what causes autism. most autistic people i know are of the opinion you literally should not even try to figure that out until we have more complete autism acceptance and can be confident they won't be medically wiped out as a result of the research. which is a real concern for people with autism considering the biggest US national charity about it (AutismSpeaks) literally advocates for that exact medical genocide. which lots of autistic people vehemently disagree with for a LOT of fucking reasons!
the amount that humans enjoy a task has no bearing on how easy it is to automate, but it DOES have bearing on which tasks you should even try to automate. like you are a human using your brain and your time and your energy to make a thing for other people to use. it does not exist for its own sake and it doesn't exist in a vacuum. if nobody ever looks at it or uses it but you, that feels bad. you are inventors, you're engineers, you're creators, you're tingsmiths, tinkering around with the materials available and dreaming of how they can be used by other people. a part of the joy of creation is the joy in its use. don't lie to me and say you're satisfied that your time and energy and brain power went towards a thing gathering dust and cobwebs. it is vitally important that you create things you are joyful to see used. other people are integral to why you're doing the thing, you have no reason to do it otherwise. you literally cannot convince me you'd actually be joyful to see your invention used to hurt others. so YES you also have to take into account WHAT other people will do with the thing.
my specific disciplines are american lit and global strategic studies and it feels just incredibly fucking bad to be dealing with something that attacks both at once-- both the labor power of an artist class and our fucking stories!--and have some weirdly superior techy person go "I am tired of explaining it was simply incredibly easy to do and all the stuff people ask for(need?) is harder." like okay have you considered not creating the torment nexus even if it's super easy for you? i assume its equally as easy if not easier to NOT create a torment nexus. then you might even put all that unused torment nexus energy towards a Doesn'tSuck nexus of any variety. that's totally an option. and if you're unsure of how to identify torment nexuses, teamwork makes the dream work baby! we're incredibly lucky to have a myriad of established fields who are dedicated to asking that question every day and have lots of valuable insights and knowledge to add. like. consider this. people have been telling stories to exchange meaning since we developed language. and we've been talking about that meaning equally as long! like folklore often contains extremely pertinent warnings about the literal environmental dangers of the region. like religious folklore from cameroon about disturbing a goddess' sacred waters or risking death was actually about a scientifically proven and extremely dangerous chemical process where the waters retained carbon monoxide and released it in huge deathly bursts when disturbed! (Lake Nyos look it up it's fucking crazy 1200 people died overnight.)
like if you'd asked me (someone who got a degree about stories), if you should let an AI generator who can't even understand language make stories about people, i would have told you absolutely the fuck not don't do it for nearly countless reasons. SO MANY REASONS. like stories are a part of how we interact with the living world-- we literally narrativize our own fucking lives to make sense of them! everybody's got a story for a reason! and if you give That Actually Very Important Human Job to generative prediction software that doesn't actually even understand human language, you're not just creating a new labor exploitation machine (wish i didn't have to tell you don't do that), you're also stagnating an extremely important generative meaning-making process to the shit people have published or already said publicly online in 2023. the world will keep changing and people will keep being born after 2023 and there's all sorts of experiences people are keeping secret right the fuck now. all that lost, ignored. replaced with reiterations of what's come before. post after post after post and PSA after PSA about the importance of representation and how stories impact people--oh my god to the point this site literally has PROBLEMS telling the difference between fiction and reality-- and you're surprised that limiting our storytelling capabilities/career options to things people posted on the internet about until 2023 is Not A Good Idea? eric andre why would anyone do this shooting.jpg.
you're fucking with stuff very close to the nature of humanity and your baby ass 40-year-old field is still in its teenage phase where you think you've got the whole future of humanity in your hands and your hands alone--so powerful nothing can displace your influence. as if refusing to acknowledge The Way People Act or the people who study and doing whatever random shit is easiest to accomplish with your techy tools at hand is a winning strategy for shaping the future rather than monkeys throwing shit at a wall and calling it technological progress. MY discipline includes first-hand accounts of 40,000 year old geological phenomena through the PEAK OF HUMANITY oral history and storytelling traditions of aboriginal australians. MY field includes every morality tale you were told in sunday school. MY field includes the uplifting stories politicians tell you to win your votes, why they're uplifting to you, and why they might not be uplifting elsewhere. MY field includes every narrative idea any person ever told to another person to communicate an idea or belief. MY field includes the bulk of the development of your goddamn society and all the experiences of those who reside within it.
All Your Ideas Come From Sci-Fi For A Fucking Reason.
stories are a lifeblood of humanity. and it's often very easy to to extremely fucked up shit. the fucked up shit being easy doesn't unfuck it
when will i stop seeing posts of the genre "ah! you were supposed to automate away the BAD jobs, not the FUN CREATIVE ones! why not simply just [solve like 8 incredibly hard open problems in robotics] instead of [LLM thing]!"
like. sorry i apparently have to be the one to break this to you but the amount humans enjoy a task has basically zero correlation with how difficult it is to automate
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