#i need everyone to know that 50% of my enjoyment of these books is literally just rooting for hashtag jimon endgame

[sprolden]

simon getting rejected by both clary and jace....... im sorry bestie but your attempts at being their 3rd are not working out very well 💔

[lit-in-thy-heart]

you know what, what's the point of being on this platform if you don't get to bellow into the void about your interests in the hope of finding someone with the same interest?

in light of this, let me inflict a lowdown of the victorian literature (mostly novels because poetry is difficult to collate) that i've read for my module this year upon my mutuals

i'll do a separate one for vampire novels and reblog with the link

because what are the victorians without vampires? straight

bleak house (dickens): what a ride that was! yes, it was nearly a thousand pages and, yes, some chapters i was like can we move on please, but that's dickens for you. honestly, i loved it. if you're looking for thinly-veiled lesbianism, this is the book for you (esda all the way, if they even have a ship name). unfortunately i already knew one of the plot twists due to watching dickensian five years before, but there are plenty more to go around! if you can get through the first chapter describing nothing but fog and the law courts, you're in for one hell of a treat -- just don't google anything about it until you've finished because you will get spoiled (or don't share a house with me, where i'll tell you the entire plot as i'm reading it). definitely recommend, but marking it down for the heteronormativity with allan. (9.5/10)

villette (c. brontë): where to fucking start. i, quite frankly, do not care for charlotte brontë, and when reading the earlier novel agnes grey by anne, i could see some more things that charlotte has filched for this travesty. no victorian novel is going to be without problems, but this one was xenophobic, ableist and, of course, racist. the protagonist doesn't really give anything away, which is meant to make her more mysterious, but it just renders her an empty vessel. oh, and she tells you stuff that she's figured out waaaaaay after she says she's figured it out, a bit like she's allowing you to feel smart for making a connection before going 'oh yeah i knew that like twelve chapters ago, keep up'. some of the passages are really striking and there's maybe one character who's likeable but that's about it. i'd say it's more a story of omission than repression tbh. (4/10)

janet's repentance (eliot): wait, have i even finished this? no, no, i have not. it's fine, i wasn't going to tell you the ending anyway. i did get hooked eventually, there were just a LOT of names thrown around in the first few chapters, and a word that i didn't know was used frequently (turns out it was a name for the followers of this guy). i did get strong hester prynne/arthur dimmesdale vibes from some of the main characters, but janet is a very sympathetic character which, after reading villette, was nice. slightly depressing in some places, but a good enough read if you're not cramming it in the day before your tutorial, because it is mildly dense. (7/10)

the wonderful adventures of mrs seacole in many lands (seacole): not what i'd been expecting to read on my module, what with it being a biography, but enjoyable nonetheless. horrible histories lied to me, though, she was in her 40s/50s when she treated people in the crimean war, not in her 20s, but that's minor. it was actually quite funny??? like she was very reluctant to give away to give away her age and almost slipped up a couple of times, and also made some very biting remarks about people who were passing comment on her skin colour. for a biography, it wasn't hugely biographical, in that she was married for what seemed all of five minutes before her husband died, when in fact they were married for several years, but if you want an in-depth depiction of war, this is for you. not what i'd usually read, but some of the descriptions are so vivid that it does read like a novel in places, though sometimes the descriptions were so detailed that i did tune out at odd intervals. (9/10)

the happy prince and other stories (wilde): if you're feeling low, don't read these. don't. especially not 'the nightingale and the rose', because that was honestly heartbreaking. really well-written, some passages were just beautiful, i just wasn't in the right headspace to fully appreciate it. it also has a lot of death, i should probably explicitly say that. (8/10)

agnes grey (a. brontë): chef's kiss, honestly. if i'd read this last year then i think it definitely would have hit a lot harder, what with agnes moving away from home for the first time and struggling with loneliness around people who she is different from. beautifully written, i'm irritated at myself for not reading it sooner, even though i've owned a copy for about four years or so. agnes does come across as a bit wet sometimes, but those moments are rare and far between, she's overall a resilient character who is trying to make her own way in the world. seeing as i managed to get through the whole thing and didn't lose focus on what i was reading, i rate it higher than jane eyre (which is a rip-off of this anyway). we stan anne. though i am marking it down for the underdeveloped romantic relationship that just pops up (9.5/10)

now for some old classics that weren't taught on my module, but i can't not mention them

a tale of two cities (dickens): this was my first dickens book and oh my word what a book. yeah, okay, lucie is a bit of a wet dishcloth and has basically no personality, but there is definitely something there between her and her maid. sydney is my baby and oh so gorgeously dramatic ("you have kindled me, heap of ashes that i am, into fire"), which was perfect for the pangs of unrequited love. the plot is slightly confusing, and you don't really understand everything until right near the end, but i loved finding parallels in the chapters set in france with the chapters set in britain. oh and the showdown between miss pross and madame defarge is wonderful. i had a tradition of reading it on the run-up to christmas, just because that was the period when i read it for the first time, but i haven't done that for the past two years just because of exams and stuff. now, bleak house just pips it at the post, but i still love it dearly. (9/10)

wuthering heights (e. brontë): i couldn't review victorian literature and not include this. there are very strong similarities between this and villette (seems charlotte really drew on her sisters' work), particularly in terms of me not liking a single one of the characters except hareton. everyone is called cathy. literally. and heathcliff/cathy one is a toxic ship that should not be boarded. it is obsession, not love. the second volume is basically a repeat of the first one, thus showing that humanity will never move past its vices and will be caught in a vicious cycle of self-destruction for the rest of time. again, though, beautifully and vividly written. the characters are the type that you love to hate. (8/10)

the tenant of wildfell hall (a. brontë): what. a. book. this was a book that was simultaneously loved and condemned as scandalous when it came out. there's mystery, there's a woman escaping a horrible situation and making her own living, and there's a well-developed relationship! and the characters are likeable (i love rose, she's great, completely goes off at her brother when she has to do things for him all the time), which always puts it onto a winner. there's one chapter with gilbert that i have to skip just because i hate what he does in it. there are quite a lot of religious references, with redemption playing a huge part in the novel, but even the religious views brontë expresses went against a lot of the teachings of the anglican church at the time. do i even need to say that it's beautifully written if it's anne? marking it down for gilbert's behaviour and arguable control of helen's narrative. (9.5/10)

far from the madding crowd (hardy): i love this book. a little more uplifting than tess but still with the drama and murder you'd expect from hardy. maybe my review is influenced by my tiny crush on bathsheba: she's not the best role model but damn what a woman. gabriel isn't quite bae but i love him all the same, i'm so glad he's happy in the end. (9/10)

[soup-fish]

Hiya I meant to send you asks like forever ago but I'm bad so I didn't do that so here they are now they're from this ask prompt thing you reblogged

Feel free to answer these about any of your OCs cause I don't really remember any except rabbit and Knight so~

1, 10, 25, 29, 33, 37, 46, 50, 61, 63, 78, 80, sorry there's so many you don't have to answer them all, I am just cursed with insatiable curiosity only balanced out by my fear of asking too many questions and being annoying—

Hi!!! You’re not bad!! You’re one of the coolest aliens ever!!!! 

I am absolutely answering them all with multiple OCs because I will take every opportunity I get to talk about them. 

Putting it under a cut because it is LONG and I don't wanna bother.

1. What is their gender?

The Knight: (she/her)

Rabbit: agender but they use (they/them) pronouns

The Apprentice: (he/him)

Dijon: (he/him)

Julienne: (she/her) (they/them)

Monty: (he/him) (they/them)

Diana: (she/her)

Captain Pumpernickel: (he/him)

William: (he/him)

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

The Knight: Swordfighting, Dancing, pottery

Rabbit: Parlor magic, puppetry, Acting

The Apprentice: collecting, Dunescotch [the world's rough equivalent of chess], chemistry

Dijon: cooking, writing, gardening

Julienne: biking, photography, bird watching

Monty: people watching, bingo, garage sales

Diana: fencing, archery, calligraphy

Captain Pumpernickel: Singing, acting, swordfighting

William: whittling, philosophy, accordion

25. What is their biggest flaw?

The Knight: her naivete 

Rabbit: Their reluctance to be vulnerable

The Apprentice: His aversion to change and the unknown

Dijon: his self-pitying nature

Julienne: Her self-centeredness

Monty: his...not quite human-ness

Diana: She’s uptight

Captain Pumpernickel: hooboy where do I start? For one, his complete and utter dismissal of everything that doesn’t contribut to ADVENTURE

William: his lack of ambition

29. How would they describe their own personality?

The Knight: “Hmmm. I try to be as nice as possible and I’ve been told I’m rhapsodic! I don’t think my singing’s that good but it’s a sweet compliment!” 

Rabbit: “Witty. Yes. Sarcastic? Yes. The people’s demon? In more ways than one~ Even hell can’t handle me.” 

The Apprentice: “Simple, studious, and an enjoyer of quiet studying. I tend to be rather straight-forward in my methodology.”

Dijon: “God do I even have a personality? What am I besides a vaguely human shaped pile of mistakes and disappointments?” 

Julienne: “A fun loving fun person!” 

Monty: “Just your average Earth person! Nothing else to see!” 

Diana: “Calm, cool, collected, the perfect dignitary”

Captain Pumpernickel: “AN ADVENTURER! And a lover! Of your mother! Bring out the good ale my good fellows! Your captain has won another battle of the wits!”

William: “Personality? Never heard of it. Wouldn’t even begin to know what the word means. I know no such words such as sarcastic, laid-back, carefree. Nooooo.”

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

The Knight: Being ignored and unheard. She’d probably get really frustrated and maybe cry a little as a result. If it really got to her, she’d need help being pulled out of a dark place. 

Rabbit: Abandonment. Their general reaction to it is to put on a veneer of not caring and close off from the outside world more, even going so far as to act annoying and unlikable so that people leave before getting close. 

The Apprentice: Not knowing. Or, by extension, not being able to learn. He’d probably lash out in anger and storm off. 

Dijon: Being an unredeemable person. He faces it every day and he deals with it by being melodramatic in all of his writings and wallowing in misery. AKA, not dealing with it. 

Julienne: People being genuine. They’d probably get really uncomfortable and try to excuse themselves from the conversation or make jokes to redirect the conversation. 

Monty: The republic finding him hiding out on Earth. He’d fight or do anything possible out of desperation. 

Diana: Being a disappointment 

Captain Pumpernickel: Not being able to bang your mom not having adventures with his crew. He'd probably be reduced to a shell of his former self.

William: Not being able to talk his way out of a situation. 

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

The Knight: Pretty easy but she means it when she says it. She's just full of love tbh.

Rabbit: It's really hard for them to say "I love you". Really really hard. Especially at the start of their arc, they would never say it, however much they mean it.

The Apprentice: It's hard for him to say, simply because it's not quantifiable enough. How does one properly explain how much they love someone? He prefers showing love through actions and more direct compliments.

Dijon: It's not easy for him to say, but he says it without meaning it, both knowingly and unknowingly.

Julienne: She doesn't say it often, but she says it to the people she cares about occasionally. She prefers to say it through time spent and physical touch though.

Monty: The Dude Loves Everything. But they also barely understand the meaning of the word so...

Diana: She doesn't say it almost at all, but prefers to use acts of service and gift giving.

Captain Pumpernickel: He never says "I love you" because he usually doesn't really mean it. He'll use some other compliment or compound of it.

William: He doesn't throw it around easily, so when he says it, it has so much more weight behind it.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

The Knight: She expresses her emotions a lot and very easily, but she has a hard time hiding them.

Rabbit: They think they're sly at hiding their emotions, but they let micro-expressions slip constantly. If anyone decided to notice, one would

The Apprentice: He's a blank sheet baybee. What is he thinking? Unless it's frustration or anger, you'll never know.

Dijon: He's just kinda sad all the time. He's miserable and everyone notices.

Julienne: She allows some emotions to come through. It's a bit of a calculated effort.

Monty: All of his emotions come through all the time and he doesn't mind.

Diana: Well, she hides her sadness and happiness, but allows her frustration and such to shine through.

Captain Pumpernickel: He expresses emotions very openly and very loudly. He is a dramatic ham of a captain.

William: He keeps a near perpetual smile that occasionally wavers when things go wrong. He doesn't like to open up emotionally.

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?

The Knight: "fun and comfy!" Light armor with room for mobility but colorful

Rabbit: "...sexy" literally naked except a cloak.

The Apprentice: "practical and sensible" like a fucking nerd

Dijon: "presentable" the best time to wear a sweater, is all the time

Julienne: "quirky" quirky.

Monty: "human clothing for humans! :D" weird mixture of 1800s stuff and modern day stuff. Weird guy.

Diana: "regular??? Clothes???" Fancy ballgown at first then swashbuckling but still expensive.

Captain Pumpernickel: "EXTRAVAGANT AND ASTOUNDING" sexy hobo pirate.

William: "only the highest tier clothing/s" ...rags. doesn't care enough.

61. Which season is their favorite season?

The Knight: Spring

Rabbit: Autumn, harvest festivals and such are good for demons.

The Apprentice: Winter, you have excuses to stay inside and work. Plus the vibe is nice when it's harsh outside and cozy inside

Dijon: Summer, fewer holidays and he's not really cold resistant.

Julienne: Summer. They like the general vibe and popsicles and shorts and sunglasses and such.

Monty: Winter, they love the holidays.

Diana: Summer, she likes the heat.

Captain Pumpernickel: Autumn! He just thinks the weather and vibe are RIPE FOR ADVENTURE!

William: Winter! He like staying inside and the cold.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

The Knight: her partner! Or a silly joke! Or a delicious snack! Or friendship!

Rabbit: schadenfreude

The Apprentice: order and productivity

Dijon: his favorite childhood book

Julienne: her pet rats! Or pet frog!

Monty: A human thing like paperclips

Diana: this one is a hard one. Succeeding at any of her hobbies.

Captain Pumpernickel: ADVENTURE. and friends

William: seeing Diana smile and be free.

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

The Knight: The prince!

Rabbit: the Knight

The Apprentice: books

Dijon: julienne

Julienne: no one. Monty is close.

Monty: ALL HUMANS ARE BEST! AND FRIENDS!!

Diana: no one [William eventually]

Captain Pumpernickel: The sea. And his first mate. And his quartermaster.

William: no one [Diana eventually]

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

The Knight: Morning person

Rabbit: Night Owl

The Apprentice: Morning Person

Dijon: Night Owl

Julienne: Morning Person

Monty: Morning Person

Diana: Morning Person

Captain Pumpernickel: Morning Person

William: Night Owl

[lovelylittlewordsmith]

@ultimatebottom69

Hi!  No need to be sorry for asking a question—I’m more than happy to answer! 😊  Unfortunately, I am unable to respond directly to my original post.  Tumblr will not allow me to reblog, so I suspect that OP blocked me.

In regards to your question, it appears that you may have misunderstood my statement.  I actually agree with you that the movie was very easy to follow.  After all, it’s heavily inspired by W. W. Jacob’s The Monkey’s Paw, which many viewers are already familiar with.  The movie told a story, but I do believe the end product could have been more polished.

In regards to the plot being messy, three things jump out to me:

Pacing

Characterization

Plot Holes/Inconsistencies/Suspension of Disbelief

Starting with pacing, it took us nearly 50 minutes to get to the actual plot.  While the opening scene in Themyscira and the mall fight scene were enjoyable, it left the remainder of the film in an uncomfortable tug-of-war between a sense of urgency and indifference to learning about the Dreamstone.  By the time we reached the climax, the ending felt rushed and Cheetah’s appearance left the impression of being shoehorned in rather than being the long-awaited outcome of Barbara’s actions.

Diana’s characterization is this film was perhaps one of the biggest aspects that disappointed me.  I doubt it was intentional, but this movie really centered her personality around her love of Steve Trevor.  It’s understandable that she misses him, but it’s been nearly 70 years since his death.  After all, we never see her mourning the loss of her sisters on Themyscira whom she can never see again.  It just doesn’t make sense to me that Diana’s life and happiness must be tied to a man.  By nature, she is loving and sociable, and she finds joy in human life.  I really do think that within those 70 years she should have made more friends long before Barbara enters the picture.   It might have been better for the movie if it took place in an earlier time while her feelings are still fresh and she is still adapting to the world of man, but then producers wouldn’t be able to milk that good ol’ 80’s nostalgia.

Onto the third point, many beloved movies and books require suspension of disbelief to be enjoyed properly; however, there must be a limit.  I felt that WW84 pushed that limit too far.  Without going into excessive details (as this post is probably getting long enough), we have:

Steve occupying the body of an innocent.  Neither he nor Diana appear to give this more than a second thought.

Steve’s body switching also breaks the rules of the Dreamstone.  We see everyone’s wishes appear in the most literal sense no matter how ridiculous they are.  If the stone can make walls, live animals, and money appear from nothing, surely it can make a human appear as well.  It should be able to overcome death otherwise not every wish could be undone by the end (as we were shown a woman wishing for a man to “drop dead.”)

Diana stated that many great civilizations disappeared overnight, when we know for a fact that most of the ones listed didn’t (Rome probably being the one most viewers are knowledge of).

Asteria’s golden armor was supposedly strong enough to let her fight off hoards of men, but is easily destroyed by Cheetah.

The somehow fueled and perfectly operational museum jet was  able to be flown by a WWI pilot who had no experience with that technology.

Cheetah is willing to die rather than give up her wish, but in the end she simply does so because Diana asks everyone to do so.  It’s a sudden and quite jarring change in her character.

So in answer to your question, these are the main points that come to my mind.  As for the tone, I think we are in agreement that it was clear.  It differed greatly from that of the first movie, but a tone was present.  All in all, there’s going to be differences of opinion for WW84 just like there are for any movie.  As I said in my original post to OP, WW84 is strong enough to stand on its own.  It doesn’t need to be protected from criticisms whether they come from “straight men” or anyone else for that matter.

While I am personally disappointed with the end result, I am glad that you and many others enjoyed it.  It’s these differing opinions that allow us to have discussions about movies and share our own perspectives.  I hope that I was able to throughly answer your question! 😄

[rebelrecovery]

Book Notes:

This one is one of the better quit lit books I’ve read - Belle writes with blunt honesty, and I love the way she envisions the alcoholic voice in her head as a big bad wolf rather than a wine witch.  

Below are the parts that were most helpful for me... 

I thought, I can’t start drinking now, there isn’t enough. Not enough for what? To fade out. To be numb. Because despite what I may have said, I never wanted one glass of wine with dinner. I wanted three glasses. What’s the point in one glass? And despite what I may have said, I never drank because I liked the taste. [...] I drank to get fuzzy. I wanted to be slightly numb, to take the edge off. I spent a lot of time taking the edge off and then trying to maintain the edge taken off, but I usually ran into problems of sobering up too quickly, or drinking too much. There was no magic formula for edge-off-ness. I tried to find it. I tried having beer before wine, I tried eating first, I tried drinking on an empty stomach. There may have been a four-minute window of edge-off-ness and then I spent the rest of the night trying to find the four-minute window again.

I never want to do this again. I never want to wake up in the middle of the night both wishing I was dead and hoping I’m not dying. Let me not vomit, please, and I promise I will cut back on the drinking. I never want to feel this bad, feel so hopeless, alone, scared, dark. I am definitely drinking too much. I should face that. I should stop drinking for a week, take a break. I’ll start tomorrow. After the work party. After vacation. Next week. After the birthday. The first of the month. On a Monday. I promise. 

I had tried to stop drinking plenty of times on my own, but never managed to quit for more than a couple of days. Usually I’d declare my sobriety in the morning and then open a bottle of wine by 6 p.m. that same night. Then I’d quit again the next morning. No wine for one day. For two days. Then the voice would start. Is it time yet? You can drink now. Celebrate sobriety with a glass or two. You’ve done well. You are going to break this non-drinking stretch anyway, so you might as well drink now. Drink tonight and quit later. What about now. Is it time to drink yet? Fuck it, I’m going to drink, this is ridiculous. I’ve already quit for a week. Let’s celebrate sobriety with some alcohol.

If alcohol was in the house, it spoke to me, then I drank it. Even if I didn’t really enjoy it. I was drinking because it was the thing I did. No enjoyment. No taste. No feeling except for exhaustion. Like a hammer banging on my head. Did you ever try buying a case of wine, thinking that if it was around all the time you’d feel less compulsive about it, and drink less? Ha. Really. Who was I kidding? With a case of wine in the house, I drank more. Of course I did. We never had a wine collection or a wine rack or a wine cellar or a liquor cabinet either. Alcohol didn’t last long enough to be collected or displayed or shared.]

I had lots of drinking rules and guidelines for myself, and over time, bit by bit, I broke all of my rules. I’m only going to drink on special occasions or when socializing. Only on weekends.” But of course, you and I both know that only drinking on weekends is tricky. Because what about Sunday night? Is Sunday part of the weekend? What about Thursday? Maybe the weekend is four days long. Maybe it is, in fact, most of the week. Controlled drinking is not very successful—you know this already because you’ve tried it. If we have to control our drinking, it means that our natural, default tendency is to have one, and then another, and then another. Any plan we make is very difficult, if not impossible, to adhere to. You tried moderation. You did. You maybe didn’t call it moderation. You tried making rules for yourself. When you realized that you were drinking more than you wanted to, before you ever saw this book, you did things like alternating every second glass with water, or switching from hard stuff to beer, or trying to skip days. You tried to drink only on weekends, or only have one, or only . . . or only . . . or only.

Normal drinkers measure their alcohol consumption like I measure my corn on the cob consumption—which is to say, not at all. Just like I have days without corn, normal drinkers have plenty of days without alcohol but they’re not keeping track. I don’t pay attention to whether you are getting more corn than me, and a normal drinker fills up glasses around her without worrying about who’s getting how much. And yes, it’s true that corn on the cob is my favourite of all summer things to eat, but I have never planned days around when I can eat it. I have never gone out at 11 p.m. to get more corn. I’ve never worried about running out of corn.

A ‘bottom’ in the sober world describes the point where you quit drinking. If you have a ‘high bottom’ then you quit when your problems were smaller. Poor concentration, missed deadlines, an inability to take advantage of new opportunities, procrastination, crappy sleep, many days of feeling ill. A ‘low bottom’ is where the micro problems have grown into larger holes, and might include health, relationship, money, or legal issues. My high bottom looks like this: drink with dinner, and after, plan to drink less, continue to drink the same amount, try to quit for a month and manage nine days, start again, not keep my promises to myself. Wonder what the hell is wrong with me. Suffer with crappy sleep, extra pounds, wasted money.

If alcohol is an elevator that only goes down, the goal is to step off, not to ride down any more. Stop drinking now. Start feeling better now. I stepped off early. But I’m not naive. I know where that elevator was going. If I stopped ‘before there was a problem’ then I was fucking lucky, plain and simple. Because even stopping where I did, it was hard to do. Really hard.

The “Drink Now” voice, which I call Wolfie, will say anything to get us to drink. Nothing is off-limits. Wolfie hits below the belt. Wolfie talks smack. Wolfie with a megaphone said to me: You’ve had a long, crazy day. Have a drink. You’ll just have one. It will take the edge off. You have blown this whole thing out of proportion. You need to cut back, not quit. A hundred fucking days? You’ll never make it anyway. 

I knew I had a very loud Wolfie “Drink Now” voice in my head that insisted that a glass of wine with dinner was normal. I also knew that there was another very quiet, very tiny mouse-like voice, that said: You have to stop. You know what this internal conflict is like. 

I felt moderately stable until something happened, like if I got frustrated, or mad, or sad, or bored, or if something good happened and I had to celebrate. I had completely maladaptive coping strategies. I didn’t have the skills to try anything else to feel better because—duh—I’d been using wine as my only coping mechanism. I’d overused wine as a feel-better tool for so long that I literally couldn’t remember one single thing I could do instead to ease my mood.

Booze isn’t a solution to a problem. It’s a very temporary pause button (manhole cover) with horrendous consequences. It’d be like turning to heroin. It isn’t the right solution for the problem. It gets between me and my life, between me and you, between me and serving, between me and fun. It affects my weight, my sleep, my enthusiasm. It blunts, fills, numbs, fills time, expands into the space allowed. Adds nothing, feels bad, sad, argumentative, irritated. Isn’t the real me. My life has so much MORE good stuff in it when the wine is gone. There’s nothing to escape from, it isn’t bad here, there’s joy and beauty and ease here. Don’t need to ‘go’ anywhere else. 

The voice that is YOU, when you’re 50 days sober, says “I know sometimes I feel like drinking but I’m not going to because I don’t want to have a new Day 1. I’ve done enough drinking in my past. I know that Day 1 is rotten.” The voice that is YOU says: “I want something different and better and I don’t know what that is yet, but I know I want to try this sober thing.” We end up in a place where even if bad shit happens, we do NOT think about drinking.

Picture booze like a Big Wolf With Black Eyes, he represents the voice in your head. Now you have to very calmly starve the wolf. Or better yet, you have to dehydrate him by not giving him anything to drink. At first he’ll be mad at you. “Where’s my drink?” You’ll say: I have all this free time now. I can’t talk to you, Wolfie. I’m running, baking, singing, reading, cleaning, spending time with my kids. I’m paying my taxes, cleaning off my desk, enjoying the weather. The wolf will taunt you. “Everyone else is drinking, why can’t you?” You’ll say: Sorry, Wolfie, can’t hear you. I’m too busy cranking up the volume on my new iPad that I bought with all the money I’ve saved.” The wolf will nearly be dehydrated. He’ll try a few more last-chance, desperate attempts. “You’re broken,” he’ll snarl. “You bitch, you can’t be fixed, you’ll always be a fuck-up, you suck at this, you might as well quit now.” And you’ll say: You want to fight? I’ll win. I’ve got so much more energy now that I’m sleeping through the night. I can outrun you Wolfie. I’m light on my feet now. I’ve got so much more spunk, clearer thinking. I’m planning to take over the world, Wolfie, me and my clear-headed genius. What is that? Sorry I can’t quite hear you. Your voice is so quiet, Wolfie. Are you nearly dehydrated? You’re going to dry up and turn to dust. Puts palm of hand up to lips and blows across the surface. Dust disperses, Wolfie is specks of grey in the air. And then gone.

Being sober is a relief. Quitting drinking is like putting down a backpack of rocks that you’ve been carrying around for a long time. It’s like a deep breath that fills your lungs. Being sober is feeling proud of yourself. Being sober is easier than drinking. Too much of our brain space is used trying to manage alcohol consumption. The “Drink Now” voice is exhausting. All of that time we spend planning to drink—thinking about drinking, wondering how much alcohol there is, trying to figure out how we’re going to get out of that work obligation because we’re hungover—all of that can stop. You have been drowning out who you really are. Literally. Banging yourself on the head with a bottle or two of wine. That’s not you. The real you is in there. Drinking is a way of hiding from who you really are. I can honestly say that being a non-drinker is unicorns and parades compared to drinking.

There is a point in each day when you will most feel like drinking. I call this the witching hours. Typically it’s around dinner time; for me it was 6:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. If you were to plot the duration of the witching hours on a graph, the period of time gets predictably shorter and less intense each day. Having a replacement drink is a good idea. Your brain is used to having something to drink at this time of day, so you can plan a lovely replacement drink. I have found that bitter drinks deal with cravings better than sweet drinks.

We are so used to using alcohol as our only treat, that we need to learn new treats. You can have bubble bath, trashy magazines, flowers, oven mitts, bad TV from Netflix, time alone, cheap earrings, or savoury pancakes. Perhaps you’ll plan to have steak every Friday for the first six weeks. And if you don’t eat steak, then substitute salmon or sushi or marinated tofu in that category. You spent money drinking, so you can invest some of those Wolfie dollars to support your sobriety. Here are some examples of things I’ve treated myself to: fuzzy blankets, silver jewelry, deluxe candles, essential oils, chocolate croissants, lovely beads, thrift shopping, craft supplies, gourmet ground coffee, a gorgeous teacup, a bouquet of flowers, a potted basil plant. The largest was a countertop dishwasher. The trick is to either find something that you want but don’t need, or to splurge on a more deluxe version of something you were going to buy anyway. Like shampoo or lipstick. I have always struggled with confidence and my inner critic is a real bitch. The concept of self-care is relatively new to me and these gifts remind me to treat myself kindly.

One of the reasons we drink is in search of an ‘off’ switch: to quiet our brains, to escape responsibilities, to have ‘me’ time. If there are coping strategies that are adaptive (make things better) versus maladaptive (make things worse), then drinking is maladaptive. While it may be an off-switch, it creates many other problems at the same time. 

We are not taught, explicitly, how to deal with uncomfortable feelings, or how to self-soothe. So we reach for available tools, however malformed. Did your parents ever sit you down and have a conversation with you about what you can do if you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, irritated, freaked out, lonely, or depressed? Did they give you strategies and tools to help you with Changing the Channel in Your Head? No. Mine neither. Did they model for you how they dealt with disappointment, their feelings of not fitting in, or how they coped with the occasional overwhelming sense of dread? If they did model for you, was it with something other than cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, or a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Did your parents have ‘self-care’ time where they made it clear that they needed to recharge batteries, to unwind. Did they lock themselves in the tub with big mounds of lavender bubble bath and candles? Did your father go for a run when he was feeling stressed, or to delineate the mark between ‘work’ and ‘home’ and did he tell you he was doing this, explicitly, so that you could learn to do the same? No? 

in your first months sober, you will get a crash course in adaptive self-care strategies, whether you want it or not. One of the most important things you will do is learn to strategically avoid ‘overwhelm’—I use this word as a noun, it’s a thing on the horizon, like fog. Your life is like a video game. You can see potential bombs, things advancing, that could blow up and throw you off course. Your job is to navigate them. You don’t walk right into a bomb and hope for the best. You don’t test yourself by repeatedly doing difficult or stressful things. Instead, you ask someone to carpool, you decline social activities, and you simplify meals. Your job is to reduce overwhelm. All around you, there are lists of things to do and when you first quit drinking you are going to take it easy. When you first quit drinking, you are going to remember that being overwhelmed is our number one trigger. You will instead do less. Learn to be slothful. Embrace the art of underachieving.

Here are my top three tools for overwhelm: exercise, tub, and bed. I probably use exercise four times a week, specifically to help with my mood. I’m in the tub anytime I’m feeling antsy, or as my reward at the end of a day of catering. And as far as sleep is concerned, I have been known to go to bed at 7:30 p.m. in early sobriety, because I had no other way of dealing with life. I knew I didn’t want to drink, and I had no idea what else to do except ‘hide’.

When we are drinking, we use alcohol to fix everything—or so we think—and we don’t develop any other self-soothing, comforting, or change-the-channel tools. Turns out—who knew—there are at least 578 other ways to shift how you feel. There are things you’ve done before, perhaps by accident, things that once you remember them, and try them, you think “OK, good, I feel better.” Like when you change the sheets on the bed you feel better. And when you have a nap you feel better. And when you snuggle on the couch with a fluffy blanket and braid your cats’ tails together you feel better. Especially if you add hot chocolate. A change of location works. If you’re at home, go out. If you’re out, go home :) If you’re alone, get with some people. If you’re overwhelmed in a group, hide in the bathroom and read sober blogs on your phone. Yes, really.

I made a list of the ways to change my state. It had 30+ things on it. They included: listen to loud music, play guitar, sing, talk on the phone, write a letter longhand, take a bath with candles, light candles anywhere in the house, clean my desk, clean anything, go for a run, make tea, plan meals, test a recipe, read a magazine, brainstorm with clients, design a new logo, read light fiction, read self-help, make a puzzle, go for a walk, take pictures, go swimming, watch a good movie, go to a concert, go to see a movie at the theatre with popcorn, listen to podcasts, do volunteer work, find an audience and do some kind of public speaking, write in my journal, play cards, explore a new part of the city, go to the art gallery, the museum, write a restaurant review.

If you’re an introvert, or if you’re a non-joiner like I am, then asking for any kind of support or encouragement seems hard. But here’s the truth. The simple act of reaching out might make you feel weak, but it’s actually a sign of strength.

When Wolfie says that being sober sucks and that it’s too much to give up, you can remind him that you are also giving up the following: •  feeling like death in the morning •  waking at 3 a.m. with guilt and dread and horror •  vomiting •  spending dumb money (like money spent in bars, expensive bottles of wine in restaurants, buying rounds for people, impulse shopping online) •  emailing and texting random people •  hooking up with random people •  falling down •  hiding bottles •  arguing with your partner •  alternating stores so they don’t get to know you •  cringing when it’s time to take out the recycling. 

And here are a few of the things that you can focus on instead, the things you GET by being sober: •  you sleep through the night •  your skin looks great •  your health improves •  your marriage improves •  your kids talk to you again •  your family will now take your calls after 6 p.m. •  you can drive the car in the evening •  you have the beginnings of a hobby •  you can read a book and remember it •  you can watch a movie and stay awake for it •  you can actually cook the food in your fridge instead of eating popcorn for dinner •  you lift your head, look around, and feel like things are ‘possible’ •  you feel proud of yourself. 

Keep a short journal of your own, particularly for the first 60 days. By keeping a daily record you can see the grass grow. And you can more clearly identify that some periods of time are shitty but that they don’t last, and they’re followed swiftly by easier days. You can start your journal with this entry. Start with a list of 10 things: 1. The way I drink has affected my ___ 2. And my ___ 3. And my ___ 4. It’s caused problems with ___ 5. And ___ 6. It’s made me feel ___ especially when ___ 7. I nearly had a disaster when ___ 8. And this was just about a disaster too: ___ 9. I’m tired of waking up feeling like ___ 10. People who will be relieved that I am sober:  ___

It’s entirely possible to have sober fun, of course it is :) Those of us who are longer-term sober have plenty of fun. There’s nothing better than waking up without a hangover, without regret, without shame. There’s nothing better than being on a beach and being sober and watching a sunset. There’s nothing better than coming home at the end of a long night, or dancing until 4 a.m., knowing that you had a fabulous time, that you rocked it all without a drink. To think that you need alcohol to have fun is Wolfie talking. You were fun when you were 12 years old. You’ve had hilarious pee-your-pants laughing with your best friend and it didn’t involve alcohol. Wolfie tells you that kind of shit to encourage you to drink, but it’s not true. Can you dance sober? Turns out you can. Who knew.

If you are in prelapse, then you will want to do things right away that might make you feel better. Even if you have to try things mechanically, one after the other. You’ll say “I got enough sleep that didn’t work, had a nap that didn’t work, went for a run that didn’t work.” Then you go on to the next thing. You have a treat, that didn’t work. You watch bad TV, that didn’t work. You read blogs, write in your journal, comment on blogs, listen to audios, email somebody, reach out, go to a meeting, listen to something inspirational—you go through the toolkit. And here’s something that will seem obvious when I say it: If the first tool doesn’t work, it does not mean that the whole thing is hopeless. It means that you go on to the next tool. 

You are more likely to be successful if you: •  Reach out for support. It’s hard. Do it anyway. •  Sign up to have a sober penpal. Email your penpal every day. •  Share real stuff, don’t exaggerate, and don’t leave things out. Be truly honest with at least one person in your life about your booze stuff. •  Reach out instead of drink, cry instead of drink, walk instead, email me frustrated instead (the people who don’t email are more likely to get alone in their head with Wolfie who will always say that drinking is a good idea). •  Remember that successful treaters do MUCH better. It’s shocking how much better they do. Once you figure out the self-care treat thing, you’ll find this whole sober experience to be much easier. If you resist treats, don’t understand them, don’t think they apply to you, then I worry about you (see below). •  Get enough support, load on a lot to begin and then ease off as time goes by and you feel stable. Be cautious. Don’t fuck with sober momentum. •  Tell on Wolfie—share when you’re having weird thoughts, externalize the voice, tell on your inner addict. •  Read stuff that supports you and turn away from what doesn’t. You don’t read about moderation, you don’t read blogs that get under your skin, you turn away from people who repeatedly relapse if that makes you feel wobbly. •  Protect your sobriety, avoid situations and people that may trigger you. Your sobriety is a like a little chick that can easily get squished in traffic.

Write in a journal every day for your first 30 days sober, no matter what (can be private, or anonymous on a blog, doesn’t matter).

Read sober blogs at least one hour a day, every day.

Rethink your evening routine

Have a bath/shower every evening, early, so that it sets the mood for the rest of the night.

Plan and purchase replacement drinks that you can have during the witching hours. Bitter is better.

Schedule something to coincide with Wolfie time

Get yourself daily treats for the first two weeks, and then something every two days thereafter.

Get as much sleep as humanly possible. Take naps. You will need a lot more sleep than you anticipate.

Go to bed every time you feel crappy, when you feel you’re about to drink, or when you are agitated and need a time-out. Bed is a good, safe place to hide.

Sober first. If you push yourself too hard, and load on too many goals at once, Wolfie comes in with “this is all too hard.”

Pretend, for a while, that you’re sick, that you have the flu, that you need to take good care of you—very, very good care.

Try to do some kind of physical exercise every day, even if it’s only for 10 minutes

Rent/stream new TV shows and movies as your sober treats, that you can watch only if sober.

Give up any ideas of a clean and tidy house for now.

Please know that crying is totally normal, required, and necessary.

Take pictures of things that you’re grateful for now that you’re sober. It can be simple things like a good cup of coffee, the view from the window, your girls playing dress-up. You can do a sober photo project.

Avoid overwhelm as much as possible. In fact, strive for “underwhelm” and engage in some truly slothful behaviours. It’s OK to be in your jammies watching a show on your iPad. You’re sober. Sometimes bed-snuggle time is required.

Pet your cat, dog, or horse. You know already that this makes you feel better.

Listen to sober audio and podcasts. Find specific topics or episodes that resonate with you. Listen to them on repeat.

Accept that sober motivation is like deodorant: it needs to be reapplied every day. Stop feeling like you should be able to do this if you ‘try harder’. You will need to ‘try different’.

Ask for help.

Accept help.

Ask for and listen to advice from other successfully sober people.

See irritating people as people with struggles. We were irritating too. We were dealing with stuff that other people couldn’t see. Drop your shoulders and see that woman as lonely, or hurt, or needy. She’s not trying intentionally to make you crazy.

Share the nonsensical things that Wolfie tells you—share with another sober person who will truly ‘get it’. Be shocked and then amused that we all hear virtually the same thing.

Find some small activities to do in the evenings to help occupy the empty time. It doesn’t take long for regular life to flow back into the spaces that alcohol consumed, but to begin it’s helpful to have some projects. Decluttering is helpful. It’s cleaning up, from the outside in.

Have something you can wear, some special piece of jewelry, that reminds you that you’re sober and that you’re special. Rub the jewelry. Bestow it with super powers.

Find ONE person that you can be 100% honest with about your drinking, about your thinking, your worries, your struggles, your excitement, and your joy. That might be a counsellor, sober mentor, a coach, sponsor, or a sober friend. You should have at least ONE person who truly gets what it’s like to be you.

Accept that the first time you do everything, it’s going to be a little weird.

When you are facing a shitty hard thing, or a weirdly tempting event (like a staff party), then plan a sober treat you’ll have AFTER you’re home again, safe and sober. Don’t skip this step. Wolfie likes to come in with “where’s my reward” after we do something hard. So you want to remember to have these treats pre-planned.

Be pretty darn proud of yourself.

You have to celebrate your successes. No one is coming in to do this for you. It’s you. It’s up to you.

Walk out of your office, cross the street, have a cry, get a take-out coffee and a pastry, call it a sober treat, email me that you’re doing OK, and then go back to work. Even if you remove yourself ‘briefly’ from whatever situation is making you feel crazy, you can give yourself some time to settle and feel better.

Find tools that work and keep using them. Don’t drift from your sober supports. You know how people stop taking their blood pressure medication as soon as they feel better? Whatever you’re doing is working, so keep doing it. 

Know that Wolfie wants to get us alone in our head, where he can say: “Drinking seems like a good idea. You can probably have one.” Resist this kind of wolfie-solo-nonsense-manipulation by reaching out, telling on your inner addict. Wolfie is a bully and hates it when we share.

What you’re doing is for YOU. Your partner is on their own road. You can do what’s best for you.

[rachaelslibrary]

Let’s Talk Books - The Red Rising Trilogy by Pierce Brown

I have been very hesitant to write about this series for a while and that is because I don’t know if any of my words can truly do it justice.  But, I’m rereading the entire series right now and just finished Morning Star, so I decided to finally take the plunge.

When I say that words cannot do this series justice, it’s because it’s just sooooo good.  I could literally talk about this series all day.  I wrote a review essay on Golden Son for my composition class and got 100% because I just love it and gush about it so much.  These are the kind of books that will stab you in the heart one chapter, and have you laughing the next, and it just all feels so natural.  I’m re-reading Iron Gold right now, so expect a more in depth review of that one in a bit, but for now, let’s just stick with the original trilogy.

Red Rising is an adult sci-fi series that is all told from the main character, Darrow’s point of view.  When the series opens, Darrow is 16-years-old, and at the very bottom of the pyramid as a red.  There’s a highly complex caste system in this world, with 14 different classes who all have different genetic makeups and roles in life.  Reds at the bottom, Golds at the top.  Darrow has never questioned his role as a mine worker underneath the surface of Mars, until his wife is killed for singing a forbidden song.  After that, he is introduced to the truth about the Society, and is tasked with a very special mission to turn into a Gold and try to bring them down from within. 

I know I’m being vague, but it’s hard because there’s a massive plot twist about 75 pages in that I didn’t see coming, so I don’t want to spoil it for anyone else.  Just know that that plot twist changes the entire direction of the series.  There’s a reason that the blurb on the back of the book is very vague - I went into this book expecting one thing but getting something else completely, and that was fine by me.  Also I was crying within the first 50 pages, something that never happens.  I need to be super invested already to start crying.

There’s a pretty big time span between the three books, with the main character being 16 at the beginning of the series, and 23 at the end.  Because of this, you can truly sense everyone growing up throughout the books.  Some become disenfranchised of the Society they live in, while others support it and make it stronger.  Throughout the final book, there’s a sense of just how tired Darrow is as he continues to quote “Death begets death begets death” and starts to wonder about what his place will be in in the world when all the wars are over.  I can’t possibly begin to describe how well Darrow is written because his emotions really absorb you, you feel his grief, his guilt, his worry, and his constant wonder at whether or not he’s doing the right thing.  It’s really spectacular.

While Darrow is truly the epitome of a tragic Greek hero, there’s also several other characters along the way that make this series so enjoyable.  Sevro, for one is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE and I would die for him.  Mustang, Ragnar, hell even Cassius all round out to make a great cast of characters and the villain in this series is a great villain, because he’s truly nasty and evil and very easy to hate while at the same time being fascinated by him.

I understand this post is kind of all over the place, but what I’m trying to get at is GO READ RED RISING!! YOU WON’T REGRET IT!!  Seriously, in the interest of staying spoiler free I can’t say much else, but just know that it will be a very good use of your time during quarantine.  Enjoy!

5/5 stars

[guccifloralsuits]

hi we were talking about books yesterday and i was wondering if you have any good fiction recommendations? 😇😇😇

Yes, I have so many! I broke them down into relative categories, so there’s a little mix of everything. Please read the actual synopsis before diving in though, as some have major trigger warnings.

Books considered “classics”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston: a book which I come back to in hard times of my life. There’s something so…necessary about this story. Prose style was great. I would rec this book to every person I know.

Mrs. Dalloway by Virgina Woolf: I read this when my life seemed to be changing faster than I could keep up. Beautifully written. Came at a time when I needed it.

Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys: written as a prequel to Jane Eyre and a modernist masterpiece honestly. THE original meditation on the ideal of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Color Purple by Alice Walker: you’ve probably heard this name from the adaptation. Let me tell you. This book deserves all of its acclaim. I think I’m gonna re-read soon.

Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austin: this is super mainstream for The Literary Circles but it’s for good reason, this book is just? Fun? An honestly enjoyable read? plus when I was taking my SATs way back when they had an essay section, I could use this book for literally any prompt they gave

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë: this book is wild. Everyone is a messy bitch who lives for drama & I love it. I just finished it and omg

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath: my emo teen- girl rebelling ass ate this shit up back in high school. Is this book overrated? I don’t care. I love it for nostalgic value anyways

The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood: startling beautiful lines. I have almost half this book underlined. A popular read in recent times, with good reason.

A picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde: I fundamentally disagree with everything written in this book. That is exactly the point. About being gay & sinning. I would not recommend this as a ‘light’ read though. Easy to get swept up in Wilde’s sharp wit & not catch the intentional malice behind what he says, underneath.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez: I just. Love this. That’s all I have to say. Yeah.gif

All The King’s Men by Robert Penn Warren: The nihilism of Oscar Wilde but set to a political backdrop in the 30’s with stylistic prose akin what you’d read from Hemingway. Probably not for everyone’s taste. But right up my alley in terms of political intrigue. If ur a stuffy English Major with who likes books about corruption, you’ll like this.

Popularized books that are worth the hype they had:

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: there’s something so…engaging about the way this is written. It’s pretty much about kids who have to act like adults for their shitty parents. I couldn’t put this down though.

Dark Places by Gillian Flynn: as with all her novels, this gets dark. This gets ugly. An absolute thriller, & I can’t recommend her books enough. (You might know her from Gone Girl & Sharp Objects. This story follows similar tone). Honestly I rec anything by Flynn.

The Princess Bride by William Goldman: you’ve probably heard of or seen this movie. Well guess what? the book is even better.

YOU by Caroline Kepnes: aka the adapted Netflix series where dan from gossip girl plays plays joe, who is basically Dan but Unhinged. But like, the books are great. “Hidden Bodies” which is the sequel to this is even better, in my opinion. Just plz don’t romance Joe cus you saw penn badgley in a Netflix poster & were thirsty 4 him

Lesser Known/underrated books which could use your love:

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley: A reimagining of King Lear, set on an Iowa farm in the late 1970s. Powerful and disturbing

The Gold Bug Variations by Richard Powers: specifically for classical music lovers. Basically a long meditation on supernal mysteries of music, specifically Bach’s intricate Goldberg Variations (you’ll wanna have the Glenn Gould recording to hand), & those of the DNA molecule (especially as a code to be broken) It gradually dawns on you that the two couples listening to the music and studying the molecule are themselves engaged in something strangely molecular and musical. You won’t always understand this book, but it keeps taking your breath away.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn: did I buy this book solely because of this tumblr post? Yeah. But it was easily one of the best decisions I’ve made. The way he manipulates letter-language is wild. Woah. Highly recommended.

The 100 Year Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window & Disappeared by Jonas Johnson: a 100 year old dude escapes his nursery home a steals a suitcase full of drug money then goes on a giant crime spree. HIGHLY entertaining. We stan a King

The Sellout by Paul Beatty: probably the greatest satirical comedy written within the last 50 years. I said what I said.

Children’s/teen/YA books you should absolutely read

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster: wonderfully creative, beautifully told. Takes abstract constructs and turns them into concrete beings and landscapes in amazing, engaging ways. Please read this. One of my all-time favorite books. Takes the protagonist, Milo, on a fantastical adventure borne through boredom on what he though would be another average day. Seriously. I love this book. So much.

Coraline by Neil Gaiman: another beautifully creative foray into a parallel universe where something Not Quite Right lurks beneath a pretty surface. If you’ve seen the movie adaption - great. Still read the book. It’s absolutely worth it.

Love that Dog by Sharon Creech: technically free verse poetry from the perspective of a young boy dealing with the loss of his pet dog who has to write poetry for a class assignment from his teacher. This is…so good. Oh my god. Oh my god? Poetry for non-poetry people.

The Giver by Louis Lowery: Listen. I know you were forced 2 read this in primary English. I know you probably hated it on principle. But this shit was all that kept me going, when I was younger. It made me feel so understood, before I could define trauma or the meaning of depression. This book made me feel seen.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky: ya know what? Fuck 2013 tumblr for dumbing this book down into a basic ass Grunge Anthem. I have never seen a book so adequately grapple with how awful romanticizing trauma can be. This book goes into the horrible side of adolescence in a way that’s genuine, and in a way which doesn’t put trauma/mental illness on a pedestal. I needed that shit, when I read it. I still love this book today. The lines will stay with you forever, after you read some of them.

All the Bright Places, by Jennifer Niven: this was another one of those books that I read in an essential time, which lodged into me afterwards. About two teenagers who meet while standing on the bell tower of their school, both contemplating suicide. Highly recommend. Prepare to cry.

You didn’t ask for Poetry but I’m including some because I am poetry TRASH:

Rice by Nikky Finney

A Thousand Mornings by Mary Oliver

One Big Self by C.D. Wright

LOOK by Solmaz Sharif

Poetry for people who think poetry is inaccessible to them:

New American Best Friend by Olivia Gatwood

Our Numbered Days by Neil Hillborn

Depression & Other Magic Tricks by Sabrina Benaim

There are literally SO SO SO many books I could also add, but these are the ones that came to mind. Bolded ones are those I especially love. Happy reading!

[foreveratlas]

Eulogy For My Grandfather

On June 13th, my grandfather passed away. It has been an emotional nightmare to process. Two days after he passed, it was requested that I write eulogy. These are my thoughts and words for the man who raised and supported me better than I could probably understand. Be aware this is written for my family in attendance at his funeral.

Many people knew him as Charles. His closest friends called him Dean. Dad to his daughters; Uncle Dean to his nieces. But I was given the honor of bestowing his most important name of all time, and that was Poppy. But it wasn't just an endearing nickname replacement for "grandpa." It stood more as a title or a badge of honor. He was Poppy. And to all my friends, he introduced himself as Poppy. Though he may not have been blood to them, I really do think that when he encouraged people to call him Poppy, he was infact adopting them to be his surrogate grandchildren. I'm only slightly jealous because he was my Poppy, no one else's. Whenever I brought a new friend home, he would introduce himself as Poppy. If he came to school to visit, he was Poppy, not Nick's Grandpa. The name Poppy was as much a part of his personality as was his enjoyment of wine or gin and tonics.

The name Poppy has a backstory. A long time ago, when we lived in Texas, he had a favorite restaurant he enjoyed taking me to, Papa Tio's. It was just like any other Tex-Mex grill, complete with a mariachi band. We'd go and dance and laugh and carry on. And at first, he was Papa Tio, but eventually that just shortened to Poppy, which he wore proudly. If you asked him how he came to be called Poppy, he would recall the story of how the name became his, and even recite the song that he got the mariachi band to play, which started "A rappe papa Tio." He twirled his R's and would dance in his seat to the memory. He found such joy in those little memories even with the end approaching as it did.

That was his best trait, his ability to recall these elaborate, excruciatingly detailed accounts of his life, reaching all the way back to his youth. Everyone in the family has heard at least one story: Whether it was the infamous bicycle rally where his mother wouldn't buy him an actual bicycle, so he removed the wheel off the one side of his trike and came riding around the neighborhood with the other kids, just so all the neighbors would laugh and carry on. His father made sure he got a real bicycle. Or of the time he had earned an ice cream, but when his father had stopped to get the sweet treat, he didn't realize the back passenger door was still open, and drove right into a light pole, ripping the door right off its hinges. Or one of my favorites from when he was a bit older, how one Christmas his mother-in-law complained so much about the Christmas tree's needles falling that he picked up the whole tree and threw it right out the front window. His stories live on in us, especially if we were paying attention. And he had a lot of stories. He didn't like how I used a bit of creative license to compact some of thosr stories together when I started writing the fictional adaptation of his life, but the stories are all still here. And going forward, I'd like to invite people let me know their favorite story of his so I can chronicle it and finish the book he wanted to see written.

We all know of how he rose through JCPenney and eventually retired among the upper echelons of the company. I always aspired to find a job like that, a job that didn't feel like work. He always said, "If you love what you do, you won't work a day in your life." Finding that today is difficult, but he did something I don't believe many people really consider. He worked from the ground floor up, literally started by sweeping the stock room, and eventually retired as Vice President. That's nothing to scoff at, and it proves his tenacity and work ethic. That's one job he held for almost 50 years. I'm thirty one, and my position now is my longest held job at three years. So I can't really wrap my mind around doing one thing for so long. But he didn't really do just one thing. He was all over the country, opening stores and providing for his family the best way he knew how. It wasn't always perfect, but it was what he felt was best.

Poppy loved his family more than anything, and some of his fondest memories came from his daughters. He used to tell me of how during New Years, he, my mother, and my aunt would go around the house banging pots and pans to welcome in the New Year, and then they would go into a dark room, and Poppy and Aunt Dena would go hide, leaving my mother alone, before they would jump out and scare her. He found so much joy in those moments, and did everything he could to bring as much joy as possible to every moment. He always made sure we were taken care of and supported, even when we screwed up in life and had to ask for help. Having that safety net was so important and I never realized how much I was taking advantage of those kindnesses.

I was five years old when Poppy married Andrea, and the inclusion of the DiBrienza family into the Saddler family was nothing short of exciting, fun, and very, very loud. I walked right up to Andrea, put my hand on her belly and asked, "Is there a baby in there?" Which, understandably, freaked her right out. But, Poppy's love and adoration that he received from his connection to the DiBrienza's was so profound and so important. He wasted no time indoctrinating his new nieces into the fun. He used to make up stories that the Middle Branch Reservoir was the site of an old mining community called Middle Branch. He told the stories to my cousins that they had to flood the old town, and late at night you could still hear the old church bell ring. He'd then give a loud, "Bong!" And my cousins, who were wiser than their years at such young ages would unanimously proclaim, "Oh Uncle Dean!"

When I got the call late Saturday night, I honestly couldn't process what was happening. I had just spoken to him the day prior. I tried to call every day. He would always answer, "Hello my dear lad, what's new?" To which I would immediately respond, "Not a whole lot, just thought I would call and say hello." I had no idea that that conversation, which felt so innocent, and so normal would be the last time. And maybe that's how he wanted it to be, not something full of despair, not something full of long winded goodbyes. No lengthy moments of "Is this it? Is this the moment?" It was just normal. He asked me if I needed anything, like he always did, and then told me to have a tasty dinner and a good weekend. And that stuck with me, especially after the news arrived late Saturday. I have felt a myriad of emotions based on that last conversation but at that moment, my focus was on how could I have a good weekend? The biggest part of my life had departed. In therapy, I have been told that it's ok to be upset at that, to feel like all my weekends won't be good. It's ok for me to grieve that way. But I know someday, the weekends won't hurt anymore, and I'll be able to wake up Saturday morning, and Poppy's words, "Have a good weekend," will give me peace. Just right now, I don't think I'll be fond of Saturdays for a while.

I have to believe that this was a part of his plan, in a way. As most of you know, he was bed ridden, unable to see, losing his hearing rapidly. He was very adamant in his faith, and I believe that that faith is what guided him in the end. The Bible says that heaven is a paradise, where the crippled may walk and the blind may see. I can only hope that he is able to walk again, able to see again, able to be every bit the amazing potential he remembered himself to be from his youth. And I hope his loud scream-sneezes are scaring the crap out of everyone with him. But most importantly, I have to trust that this was the right time, and that his faith and adoration of his family will guide us, make us stronger, and help us live and love better. He wouldn't have left us knowing we couldn't stand tall and keep moving forward.

There are so many things I wish I had said to him and so many moments I realize now that I have taken for granted. I always believed I had more time, when really, he was trying prepare me for the inevitable. It was easier to believe that he would always be here as a central piece of everything. If immortality was possible, it was my belief that my Poppy could accomplish it. Every time he said that he wouldn't be here forever was a moment I'd respond with, "You'll outlive us all." He would remind me every day that I was the last of the Saddler line, and I honestly didn't want to give that thought any weight because he was still here. Still very much the powerhouse that his name commanded. And now that I am here to carry his legacy forward, I feel like I am hardly worthy of the weight that has been gently handed to me. I'm not ready to live each day without him, and it will be a long time before I wake up and say that I am ok. This past week has been difficult. Every day going forward will be the equivalent of wading through slowly drying cement. But, I imagine, if he didn't think we would be ok without him then he would have held on a little longer. So maybe, I need to trust that belief in us that we will be ok.

Grief is the living honoring the departed. It hurts, it hurts more than words can adequately describe. But it's proof that that person is one who held so much love and adoration. And Poppy was loved dearly by all. His light will fill us every hour and encourage us to be better than ourselves, to enjoy the moments, take stock of the memories, and live every day with love. He loved us, and he still loves us. Our family is strong, and despite the fact that he is not physically here, so long as we remain connected, his love stays with us. It will be like he never left. I am looking forward to all the memories and all the love his light will bring.

We will get through this together as a family.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

And he will be with us, in our hearts, on our minds; never lost, and never forgotten.

[imaginesfordayss]

Crazy Rich Asians is crazy fucking awesome

It’s a whole 10/10 from me guys, this movie made it into my top favorite movies of all time and i freaking loved it and everyone needs to go see it right this now. It was funny, it was new, the love and comedy were there in abundance and none of it seemed awkward or forced which is something romantic comedies often struggle with. I went into this thinking it was going to be like an Asian twist on Monster in Law, but I’ve never been so happy to be wrong. 

Highlights: 

Awkwafina stole every scene in the movie. Even the ones she wasn’t in. Such an amazing actress and so funny, no one else could have played this role like her

“You have a cocktail dress in your trunk?” 

“I’m not an animal.” 

Henry Golding and Constance Wu have suuuuch amazing chemistry. They truly made an absolutely adorable couple 

I loved the friendship between Nick (Henry Golding) and Colin (Chris Pang). It was nice to see that in a crazy world driven by money and status, that these two guys found true friendship in one another and I think that’s a good message to show audiences

Gemma Chan was amazing in her role as Astrid. 

She was my favorite character next to Goh Peik because she had all the class and beauty as the rest of her rich counterparts but still managed to retain her humanity which I liked a lot

Just the general way she holds herself (amazing acting on Gemma’s part), you would think she’d treat everyone as if they were below her but shes literally characterized as sweetness personified 

I need a whole sequel about her and Charlie 

I loved the close up shots they did during scene changes, i.e the beginning of the dumpling scene and the mahjong house 

Also that mahjong scene??? Me and everyone in the theater was shook.

The overall plot of the movie was really interesting and I can’t wait to go out and buy the book as soon as I can cause if the movie was that good than I can imagine how good the book must be

And real talk, I’m so happy the writer found a director and a production company that would keep the integrity of the book intact. I heard that some directors wanted to recast Rachel into a white role and that would have changed the whole dynamic of the movie 

Just imagining a white woman in that role annoys me 

Watching this movie was just an all around enjoyable experience. It made me want to know more and read the book and find a nice asian man to settle down with. My moms family is from Japan and they immigrated back in the 50′s (I think??) and I definitely want to talk to my uncles and my grandpa about the issues this movie touched on.

Also I love Harry Shum Jr and wish there was more of him in this movie??? Like he was one of the first names to be listed in the end credits but he had like 7 seconds of screen time which is kinda confusing?? Did I miss something?

Anyway, I’m gonna go buy the novel Crazy Rich Asians and maybe another movie ticket and not lust after Henry Golding for three hours. Go see this movie! 

[prorevenge]

Destroy me as a person, I'll destroy your entire existence.

I'm warning you in advance, this is going to be a long one. TL;DR at the end. Names of people and places have been changed for discretion. I don't expect you to believe it's true, everyone has the right of doubt. The revenge mainly goes towards my thankfully-no-longer-stepmom, but it comes with a side of fuck you to my Dad who at the time was an enabler.

This story is part of the reason I have borderline personality organization. For those who are not familiar with it, it's not a disorder. I can funtion on a much higher level than someone with a personality disorder, however not as highly as someone healthy. I'm putting this beforehand, because you need to understand that I wasn't always like this. The revenge is the result of my personality being slowly and painfully crushed, and getting a last kick out with it's last breath. That last breath of my dying personality wasn't in vain, I'm getting the much needed therapy and help, and I'm making amazing progress. Part of that progress is sharing this. I only shared this story with my therapist until now. Yeah also inb4 "why your real mom didn't help you", she left with another dude when I was just a baby and reconnected with me 2~ years after these events take place, but that's a story for another time.

Background:

You see, my dad is a little bit of a Narcissist (yeah, I know I'm saying at the start of the post that he was also enabling, which is true. He seemed to phase between them depending on situation), but at the same time he is a really intelligent and smart guy, and the combination of these traits was really conflicting. He raised me the "Dad is always right" way, while at the same time he always told me to stand up for myself and never give up. You see, he raised me to be an adult since I was a little child. He taught me everything I know, even the things I needed and used for this revenge.

When I was around 9, we moved to a set of islands in a hispanic country, let's call them Palm Islands. We moved here because my Dad hated our country and wanted to flee. This is important to the story, because he didn't want to move back at all costs. So the island we were staying on at the time is island A. Island A was nice, I quickly learned Spanish and fit in pretty well with the other kids. There were at least 50~ nationalities in our school, so being a foreigner wasn't an issue. My Dad was single, so he was pretty active on dating sites. On these dating sites, he met Lilith (I found this name fitting, look up it's history if you are interested in a demon from the Hebrew mytholgy that kills babies). Lilith was a true Narcissists, in all the aspects you can imagine. She was a teacher, but never had kids of her own even though she wanted. She was from island B. The funny thing is that she catfished my Dad. It was a nice surprise when he went to pick her up to the airport, and was greeted by around 110kg more than he was expecting. Anyways, they got together, and everything seemed fine at the beginning. That's when the big 2008 crisis hit, and it hit really hard in hispanic countries. My Dad was let go at his job and was unemployed. Lilith offered for us to move in with her on island B. My Dad accepted without hesitation, because he didn't want to go back to our country. So this is where the issues start. The first problem was, when we moved to island B, we moved to a really rural and small, xenophobic little shithole of a town. They absolutely hated ANYONE that was not form a latin origin. Well, guess who was the ONLY non-latin foreigner (apart from my dad who didn't move out of the house, as he was unemployed for 2 more years). If you guessed me, you guessed right. It was hell. I didn't even get the chance to fit in. I was bullied all the time. Not just by students, teachers did it and even fucking encouraged it. I was beaten on my way home every week or so by 3 or 4 students, and I remember a time when I was lying on the floor, getting kicked by fuck knows how many kids, when I noticed one of the teachers passing, shrugging, and moving on. There was "go back to your country fucking nationality" graffitied in the town's playground. In the 3 years I lived there, there were several graffity removals, however, this one never got off... As this wasn't bad enough, here comes the fun part. Lilith. Now you are wondering why I named her after a demon that kills babies. Let me answer that for you. If the bullying from school wasn't enough on it's own, Lilith made sure I hated my life. She couldn't stand that my Dad loved me more than her, so she made really fucking sure of it. And why my Dad didn't intervene? Remember I said he didn't want to move back to our country at all costs? The cost of seeing my life destroyed was one he was willing to pay. So he just sat and watched as I suffered. You see, Lilith would always ground me for anything. Lilith would give me really specific instructions for really specific tasks, that were impossible to follow. When I obviously failed, I got grounded. Grounding me meant locking me up in my room with all forms of enjoyment taken a away. All forms of enjoyment for me, meant books. I got my books taken away. All I could do was look on an empty wall and swell in my suffering. Lilith would hold me in constant psychological terror. I was always berated, insluted and talked down on. I heard daily, that my worth is the equivalent to piece of turd, that I am even worth less than that. That nobody loves me and no one ever will. That all that I'm getting is because I deserve it. That I am a waste of space, a piece of human garbage. All the things you can possibly imagine that you don't want a kid to be told. And one last thing to add to the list, starvation. You see, she starved me, even though it wasn't starving in that little piece of garbage that she calls brain. I can't eat crude tomatoes. Not I don't like it and I don't want to eat it, I literally can't. As soon as I feel crude tomato flavor in my mouth, I start to puke. I can't control it. She decided that she will cure this by only feeding me tomatoes for 3 days. Guess how that worked out.. And my Dad? Just looked the other way. I was 14 at the time, and I tried to kill myself 3 times. If any would have been successful, I wouldn't be here telling the story, so hold on to your seats.

This seemingly endless nightmare got a bit better when my Dad got a job at island A and we could move back on our own. But I wasn't the same anymore. I was having serious depression, anxiety, panic attacks. I started smoking and drinking. I couldn't fit in again. I knew that if I wanted to get my life together, I would need to move back to my home country. But you see, being underage, I couldn't do it and my Dad didn't want to move back. Even though we moved back to island A, we still was relying pretty heavily on Lilith financially, so I knew if they broke up, we wouldn't have other choice than to move back.

Just a quick recap about Lilith: a sour lady in her late 40's who is morbidly obese while being really short, around 150~cm, is a teacher but never had kids of her own even though she wanted, was unhappy with her life in general, and being the true Narcissists she is, she blamed everything on the world. She hadn't dumped my dad because she is well aware of her physical traits and knew that if they broke up, she would most likely end up alone. This is where I wanted to hit.

So as I knew some psychology, knowing her personality traits, I somehow suspected that she will try to compensate for the above mentioned with cheating. But cheating is hard when you are a fat and ugly motherfucker, so my next guess were sex-chats. Boy, was I right. I simply installed a keylogger on her computer, and after 2 weeks I had a plethora of sex-chat logs to show my Dad. However, this didn't go as I expected. Instead of breaking up, my Dad got in a position of power after confronting Lilith about it. This was a serious miscalculation on my part, as I should have expected that my Dad won't break up because he doesn't want to move back, but rather use this in his 'games'.

I knew I had to go all out on this one if I wanted to break them up. So I hatched my master plan.

But I wasn't just going to make them brake up. Even after all the things that the place and her have done to me, I had a little fight in me yet, which at the start I referred to as the last breath of my dying personality.

I was out for destroying Lilith's entire life in the process and make my Dad do what he didn't want to while seeing me suffer.

The setup:

Remember when I said my Dad was active on dating sites? Well, he was really active again once we got back to island A. He was relentlessly cheating on Lilith.

First things first, I bought an extra SIM card for my phone. I needed a new phone number for a new WhatsApp account. You see, I knew that if my Dad deemed a lady from a dating site worthy of a fuck, he would ask for a phone number so they don't lose contact. As I couldn't imitate a woman's voice, I opted for leading him on over WhatsApp. Next I set up a dating profile on one of the sites I knew my dad was actively searching on, and I made his idea of a perfect woman, in every aspect, come to life. I spent days fabricating every aspect of her personality and life. This character was named Paula. Paula was a tall, blonde, thin, beautiful, intelligent and nice lady, who worked on island B as a make-up artist for the local news. She grew up in a family with 4 brothers (which I added because I wanted to have a quick and easy excuse if my Dad noticed any male-ish mannerism while speaking to him as her), loved sports, philosophy, and psychology (remember when I said my Dad taught me everything I needed for this revenge?) The pics I used for Paula were from a mostly unknown 30-ish South American actress from a really bad and unknown latin soap-opera (I don't know if it's the correct term in English as well). So I had really nice make-up photos worthy of a local news make-up artist, while having more normal and everyday pics as well. The little twist is Paula is the EXACT OPPOSITE of Lilith in every possible way. It was perfect. One more important thing to note is that my Dad was hooked on a sport that we'll call Squannis. It's a mixture between Squash and Tennis, hence the name, really popular in latin countries at the time. There were familiar Squannis tournaments with Lilith's family, who were really involved in Squannis as well. Also I hope I don't have to explain how extensive a hispanic family is. Important to note that we were the only foreigners in the family. With this information at hand and my WhatsApp and dating profile setup as well, I was more than ready to unleash hell upon those who wronged me.

The execution:

I started surfing the dating site. As with dating sites in general, you can't search for a person in specific, so I had to go over 200~ish profiles to finally find my Dad and mark that I'm interested in him. That same night, we get matched, and we start chatting. He is loving Paula. Every single bit of her. While chatting, I steer the conversation to make him say things like "even if I had someone I would break up with her in an instant to be with a Goddess like you", "you are my perfect ideal in every way", "where have you been all my life", these sorts of things. The sorts of things I know would get through Lilith's narcissistic wall of protection, and hit her in the very core. My dad was making comments on how she just met the perfect woman in a dating site. He spent basically an hour worshipping why she is perfect for him in every way. Guys, it was the hardest thing to not grin like I just hit the fucking jackpot. He was hooked, like a heroin addict. Next day, all day speaking about Paula. Then comes the third day. He asks for a mobile number, he wants to hear Paula's surely angelic voice. I was prepared. The conversation went something like this:

Dad: I'm having a really nice time talking with you, and I'm really afraid that you might just dissapear - as happened with others - so what if we exchange numbers?

Paula: I'm having a really nice time as well with you, but sadly I've been catfished a lot, and I'm really cautious when it comes to strangers on the internet...:( But anyways, as I'm really liking you, I'll make a kind of exception. Give me your phone number, we'll communicate on WhatsApp, so we don't lose contact, but promise me that you will not call me until I say that I'm feeling ready!

Dad: I can totally understand that, and I respect it. So let's do it your way. :)

When I pressed enter on the catfish message to send, I felt like I was pressing the button that dropped the nuke on Hiroshima. I was feeling the justice enter my pleasure receptors slowly, bit by bit. It was the best thing I had felt every since Lilith entered my life.

This goes on in WhatsApp, I'm taking a screenshot of everything that I think will hurt Lilith. After a week of talking I have everything that I want to send her. But I needed to make it believable, otherwise it will be an obvious catfishing, and I'm sure my Dad eventually would have traced it back to me. However, I had a plan for this as well. Remember when I said my Dad plays Squannis and Paula loves sports but lives in island B, where Lilith and faimily are located? You better do, because this is where it becomes important. Naturally, as any girl who is interested in a guy, will try out his interests. In this case Squannis. So Paula, after my Dad told him about Squannis, decided to get a lesson from a friend of hers, so when she meets with my Dad, they'll be able to play together. But would you know, on a little fucking hispanic island with extended family all over it, this friend happened to be related to Lilith's family. And would you know, Paula was telling him about this new guy she met on a dating site, who is from XX country and that's why she's taking lessons. After more chit-chat, the friend realizes that this guys is indeed my Dad, and proceeds to tell Paula that he has been in a relationship with Lilith for a few years now. So Paula confronts my Dad about this, who is in complete shock and panic mode. My absolute favourite thing was telling him the lines "I KNEW I COULDN'T TRUST PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET, YOU ARE THE SAME CHEATING PIG AS ALL OTHER MEN". After getting the last kicks in I blocked my Dad from every possible way of communication on all of Paula's accounts.

But here comes the sweet part. Lilith. My dear, dear Lilith. I tell her the same story about Squannis that I told my dad, then proceed to send her every screenshot, every piece of conversation that I knew would hurt her. Every sentence where my Dad describes the perfect ideal of a woman, and it's exactly the opposite of her. Every message where my Dad says things to Paula that Lilith always wanted to hear but never got. Sweet fucking Jesus, it felt good.

The aftermath:

After being in a position of power, and being the saint that never cheated in the relationship, my Dad got confronted by Lilith. By confronted I mean traveling to us on island A, knocking hysterically on the door at 2am, while I can't make out anything of what she says because of the fucking tsunami machine that her face has become. Oh, and the screeching. It was like a group of younglings racing on who could scratch the blackboard harder to make to most unpleasant sound. I'm loving every tear, and every moment of it. She is truly suffering. I destroyed the very pillars that held up her personality. I went into a porcelain shop with a fucking sledgehammer. They break up. Lilith is throwing punches. Police is called. In a fit of rage Lilith makes the mistake of hitting one of the officers. I've never seen 180~kg slammed into the ground with such grace. It was truly glorious. As police is escorting her out, I'm looking her dead in the eye. I can see into her soul, and I can see that the person she was is destroyed. As I'm looking her dead in the eye, I'm having the most shit eating grin a human can possibly enforce on it's face. Ultimately, we moved back to our home country.

Oh, and guess who has lost her teaching licence? If you guessed, Lilith, you guessed right. Turns out after this incident she had to go under a really strict psychological examination, which was a long time coming imo, where they determined she is unfit for teaching. Big fucking surprise.

TL;DR: Dad moves away from country and dates maniac, lets maniac viciously abuse son so Dad doesn't have to move back. Son reveals Dad is cheating, crushing Maniacs soul and indirectly causes Maniac to lose job and livelihood, and forces Dad to move back.

(source) (story by shiny-poopstorm)

[oberlinexecutivefunctioning-blog]

Advice for Long Study Sessions

As finals approach, I imagine that almost everyone is facing down the barrel of long nights reading, cramming, drafting, and editing.  Here are some clever ways I've picked up to break up, optimize, and fully utilize that five hour study block on your calendar.  

Use the Pomodoro Method.  This method is the most famous way I know to break up a long study session, and I have to include it first.  The basics are as follows: you work for 25 minutes, take a break for 5 minutes, work for 25, break for 5, etc.  Every four cycles (2 hours), you take a 15 minute break to refresh.  A lot of people swear by this method or some adjusted version of it.  I know some people who promise that a 24 min work/6 min break ratio is ideal.  Some insist that 50 min work/10 min break works best.  No ratio is right for everyone, so feel free to try a few out to see what you like.  There are TONS of pomodoro timer apps out there, including ones that block use of your phone during the work time, and you can always pick up a regular kitchen timer as well if you want to stay well and truly off your phone.  I find that the Pomodoro method works well for anyone who a. Doesn't mind working by a timer and b. Wants something simple and customizable that takes little extra thought.  

Use Music Cues.  This one works really well for me, but it's a bit unorthodox.  Basically, you format your study around a certain playlist or set of playlists.  First, take some time to decide the "function" for certain songs; the rules can be broad, like "songs without lyrics are study songs and songs with lyrics are break songs," but I find it more effective when actual specific songs have their own functions.  After all, I like listening to songs without lyrics when not studying, too! For me, there's a certain song ('oranges in winter' by Bassti) that signals to my brain that It Is Study Time.  My study playlist starts with that song, works through around 30 minutes of Study Music, then hits a specific song (like Iron & Wine's awesome version of 'Time After Time') that means it's time for a break.  I break for three songs, and then 'oranges in winter' plays again.  Every time I listen to the playlist, the cues grow stronger.  I recommend this method for anyone who a. Likes listening to music while studying, b. Doesn't like working by a traditional timer, and c. Doesn't mind taking some time to make a study playlist like this.  

Plan Breaks in Advance.  Personally, I hate the feeling of reaching a study break and suddenly having to decide what to do for 5-10 minutes.  Decisions are stressful, and more often than not, I end up spending the whole break thinking up things I could be doing and trying to decide which one I should do OR scrolling something on my phone to avoid the decision, neither of which is a real break.  I've listed some possible break activities on this blog before, so go check those out if you dont know what sort of breaks you want to be taking.  If you do have some idea of how you like to take your study breaks, try listing them out for yourself on paper.  Next time you stare down a long study session, pick a few out and place them in order that you want to do them.  If you keep a study playlist, you could even pick certain break songs that indicate different break activities.  A key is to choose more than one break activity and alternate them.  Your brain thrives on variation!

Spend your First Study Block Planning.  You may have noticed a theme in this list by now.  Breaking up a large block of study into smaller blocks of time is essential.  Unless you manage to tap into your hyper focus (man I wish I could do it on demand), you will need to pace yourself.  Part of pacing yourself is making small, manageable goals that each fit into one study block.  For example, I'm a slow reader, especially when I'm researching for a paper.  My study blocks often say "Read and annotate 25 pages".  Do I have 300 pages to read? Yes I do.  But there's no way I'm getting that done in even ten 30 minute blocks of time if I want a quality annotation list to use for my paper.  It's no use putting down "Read x book," because I'm not going to be able to do that.  If you set down manageable goals for your study blocks ahead of time, you will be able to a. Meet your goals!, b. Feel accomplishment, and c. Know what you're supposed to be doing at every moment of the long study session so you're never left floundering in limbo-zone.  

Be Open to Changing Locations.  Sometimes, staring at the same damn wall for five hours just feels like torture.  It's important that you have several study locations in mind for yourself so that you can refresh your mind, especially if you get stuck or frustrated.  Even just changing which seat you're sitting in at the same table could provide you with a fresh perspective, both literally and mentally.  Bonus points if you manage to sit in every level of Mudd during the same long study session.  (They really do each have their own personality.) Extra bonus points if you get some fresh air while you change locations.  But caution! Make sure you have a few locations in mind BEFORE YOU START.  It's way too easy to end up wandering campus in search of the Perfect Study Spot for hours on end.  It doesn't have to be perfect.  It just has to be new.  

Stock your Backpack.  If you're going to be studying for even a few hours, you're gonna need a snack.  You're gonna need water (and lots of it).  You might want any any point: mouthwash, deodorant, a hairbrush, stim toys, stress balls, extra pens, highlighters, post-its, photos of loved ones, mints, tampons, earbuds, gum, and/or tissues.  A long study session is a marathon, so be prepared! Think I'm being dire? These are ALL examples of real things I have really needed during a study sesh.  Customize the list for your needs. 

Make Yourself at Home.  This is related to the previous point, but it's important to emphasize.  Studying can be really enjoyable (really!) and it can also be really grueling.  Most importantly, it is your own time, and it's important that you make it your own.  Bring pillow and blanket to Mudd.  Erect a shrine in the corner of a lounge.  Do what you need to do to make YOU comfortable.  It is incredible that we are allowed, encouraged, and (yes) essentially forced to spend hours on end learning and growing.  I know those long finals hours can be super stressful and demoralizing.  You might feel like beating yourself up.  "Why didn't I just get this done earlier?!" or "Why am I just not getting this?!" Try not to get sucked into that stuff.  What's passed is passed, and you will have time for reflection later.  When it's study time, you have only the tasks in front of you and the environment around you.  As long as you plan those well and make them as nice as possible, you are on your way.  

I have spent my share of nights fretting over papers due the next day and long sessions before a test cramming as much information as I can into my head.  I'm not here to shame you for being behind or stressed.  These tips are meant to be taken as guides, not instructions.  If you never make The Perfect Study Bag filled with everything you could need, well guess what me neither.  Gosh, who has time for that? Serious props to you if you do it. (Send pics, seriously) But thinking about what you need during a study session is important, and that's why it's on this list.  I promise that you are doing GREAT, and I wish you the best of luck these finals!

[vitalityclinic2019-blog]

Quit Smoking Cigarettes in 60 Minutes

Why Don't People Quit Cigarettes?  

Everyone knows cigarettes are not good for them.  Everyone knows they spend too much money on cigarettes.

So, why do people continue to smoke?  

Why is it so hard for so many people to quit cigarettes?  63% of smokers want to quit. But they don’t. Why?   The biggest reason of all – Because smoking cigarettes is not actually under your conscious control. Smoking cigarettes is done by your unconscious mind.

Smoking cigarettes is  something your unconscious mind does automatically.

 Are you ready to quit smoking cigarettes?

If you answer is yes, the good news is that you can quit smoking in 60 minutes with the quit smoking hypnosis.  The Vitality Clinic in Applecross, Rockingham and Mandurah created a very successful system to quit smoking in one session.   You can be free from the habit of smoking in just 60 minutes with hypnosis​.   Quit smoking cigarettes with the Vitality Clinic hypnosis is easy, relaxing and very successful.  No RISK: if you start to smoke again you can come back free,

The Vitality Clinic quit smoking hypnosis gives powerful suggestions to the unconscious mind to successfully stop smoking for life.    The Vitality Clinic quit smoking hypnosis has many benefits

• you do not need to deal with the withdrawal symptoms 

• you do not need to be worried to start gaining weight 

•You do not need to take  dangerous drugs

No pain No chemicals No patches or pills No needles

The best of this quit smoking cigarettes system is that it deals with all the reasons that are unique to you.   It even goes one step further. This system is proactive in removing a lot of the common reasons people fail. b   For example, with this system we help find and create new habits so you don’t gain any weight from eating more when you quit cigarettes.   Also we help remove the withdrawal symptoms from the addictive aspects of cigarettes, doesn’t that sound good? 

We are so confident in this system​ that we are still the only people who back up our quit cigarettes session with free reinforcing sessions.  

Free follow up session  

This means that if you ever start smoking cigarettes again, we will do a follow up session at no charge to help you quit smoking cigarettes for good.  Yes, you read that correctly.  If you ever start smoking cigarettes again in the future, we will do a session for FREE to help you become a non-smoker again.

The reason we can offer our unique free reinforcement sessions is because we have such a high success rate. Literally more than 97.6% of people quit cigarettes in one session.  

 The Vitality Clinic quit smoking cigarettes system makes it so easy that in only 60 minutes you will be a non-smoker.   Become a happy, permanent, non-smoker for life.

Let us help you to become  a non-smoker with quit cigarettes hypnosis. It is ease, affordable and very successful.  

97.6 % Quit In 60 Minutes   When you quit cigarettes with the Vitality Clinic You go home a non-smoker for life.

We are here to help you. Let us to make you free from cigarettes. Call us today for further information or bookings. Do not forget to claim your $50 gift voucher.  

Call us today. Phone 043 3167 704

❤  I  love to be a non smoker ❤

❤  I love to breath fresh air ❤ ​ Frequently ask questions    

How does hypnosis work?  

The human minds work on two levels – the conscious and the unconscious. We make decisions, think, and act with our conscious mind. The unconscious mind controls our habits. In the relaxed state known as hypnosis, we can communicate directly with the unconscious mind. This is why it is so quick and easy to change habits of a lifetime with hypnosis.   Will This System work for me?  Everyone with an Average IQ can be successful in using this system. And since the session is custom tailored to your individual needs, it works for almost anyone.   How will I know if the system works?  Because you will have quit cigarettes and will feel great being a non-smoker. Many people never even experience withdrawal symptoms after the session. In fact some feel as if they have never smoked cigarettes.   Is this system safe?  This system is completely safe. You are aware and in control at every moment and can terminate the session at any time. You cannot get stuck in hypnosis. You can’t be made to do something against your will! Hypnosis is a safe, relaxing, and enjoyable experience.   How does this system help me to quit cigarettes?  We custom tailor the session to you and address your specific needs, you become a non-smoker with ease  

While there are numerous hypnotherapy clinics and practitioners across Western Australia and around Perth, we encourage you to contact the Vitality Clinic as we have the very unique and highly successful system. We have Experience and the Desire to help as many people across Western Australia to quit smoking.

For appointments and/or further information call us today.  ​Phone: 0433 167 704  

Email: happymind379@gmail.com 

  Hi, I’m vilma Domavari. I’m your hypnosis specialist to help you quit cigarette in 60 minutes.  I’m very excited to share my knowledge and experience with you and help you to quit smoking  for life. I believe in my treatments and I’m confident you can experience the success, but if any of my clients ever feel they need some further help and support they can come back free for more assistance. I do not criticise them and I give them a free back up treatment.   Will you let me help you ?    If yes, just pick up your phone and call us:

Phone: 043 3167 704

http://vitalityclinic1.com.au/quit-smoking/

[writingdotcoffee]

#50: A novel in the making

Welcome to another Writing Update—a weekly journal where I document the ups and downs of my writing life. It’s been almost a year since I started writing my current work-in-progress novel. It seems appropriate to dedicate the 50th post in this series to the story and what I’ve learned in the process.

A little more than a year ago, an idea for a fast-paced scene with an ensemble cast started floating in my head. I was flirting with another project at the time, and so I didn’t pay too much attention to it. Every time I dismissed it, the idea came back to nag a little more. I wasn’t entirely convinced that I was ready to start writing the other project I was researching, and so I finally conceded: I would write a fast-paced 20,000-word novella to clear my mind.

I started outlining, fleshing out the details. The scene in my mind was quite climactic, and, to write it, I felt like I needed to understand where these people came from and why they were doing it. A few weeks of work later, I had a story that didn’t only satisfy my curiosity. This is more than enough for a novel, I thought.

I was excited, but facing a dilemma: should I abandon the previous project to work on this expanded novella outline that I  just stitched together? I wanted to write something with a speculative element to it which didn’t fit into this new project. After some deliberation, I decided to go for it.

I started writing the next day—15 August 2017.

The First Draft

The first days were a bit erratic as I was finding my stride. At around chapter three, I got into a routine and spent the next four months grinding one chapter after the other, writing to a goal of 6,000 words per week.

Now, I’m by no means a fast writer. The strenuous schedule took its toll, and by November, I was not only behind, but also exhausted. For the first time in years, I stopped posting on this blog just so that I could focus entirely on the draft.

Fortunately, I took V.E. Schwab’s advice and wrote the beginning first, then jumped to the ending, leaving the middle to be filled in last. I liked the ending way too much to have the heart to abandon the project. So I doubled down and typed the last words on a murky Saturday afternoon a month later — 16 December 2017. 51 chapters, 95,000 words.

Lessons learned: Word goals are essential. Pushing yourself through the first draft does work (subject to health & safety, of course).

The Winter Crisis

I listened to Stephen King’s famous recuperation advice and put the damn thing away for six weeks before editing. I celebrated Christmas by writing a few random short stories and spent January recovering. But then February came along, and I wasn’t feeling like going back to the project. Even just reading it was torture. I just didn’t want to. Resistance was having the better of me.

It took me a full month to read the thing cover to cover. In the end, I produced about 35 pages of mostly sarcastic notes of what was wrong with it. In retrospect, it would’ve been easier to make notes of what I liked instead. Characters disappeared, there were plot holes. Most chapters suffered from the lack of proper structure. But it wasn’t all just epic fails. I liked the character dynamics at the beginning and the big climactic scene at the end. It had potential.

Lesson learned: next time, I won’t wait that long before editing.

With that information, I bought a stack of index cards and re-outlined the project. My fear that I would end up scrapping the whole thing proved unfounded. I dropped 4 chapters and added 6 new ones. Out of 51, that wasn’t so catastrophic after all.

I compiled character sheets for every significant character, wrote the new chapters and was ready for the next step.

Lessons learned: Having an outline doesn’t mean that you can’t change a thing later on. Conversely, you can happily start writing even if you don’t have every single detail figured out up front. Everyone has a sweet spot between freewheeling and total control. You’ll find yours through experience.

The Rewrite

In May, I went all the way back to chapter one and started a sequential rewrite. I keep two documents open, and I’m restructuring each chapter to make it more engaging. Some chapters are good as they are, others need a major facelift. I look at things like tension and pacing. I’m doing much more characterisation.

At the time of writing, I’m about 60% done. All I can say is that this has been the most difficult and yet the most exhilarating part of the process so far. It’s hard to describe, but the writing is literally coming alive.

I know it won’t be the final editing pass yet. There are still things to fix. But they’re getting smaller and smaller.

Lesson learned: It will take much longer than you think. And that’s ok.

The Future

If you asked me a year ago whether I thought that I would be working on the same book today, I’d probably laugh and say something evasive. In my mind though, I’d think that you’re insane. A year on the same project? Don’t be silly.

When you’re in the trenches, doing the work every day, it seems inconceivable that a year later, you could find yourself at the very same desk and not be done. Some authors take 10 years to write each of their books. But every time you read a story like that you’re thinking, God, I hope that won’t be me.

Well, now I’m the silly one. But I don’t regret a minute that I spent working on this project. It taught me so much not only about writing and storytelling. Finally, after almost a year, I’m convinced that this was the book that I was supposed to write.

A day will come when I will finish this novel. I cannot wait to share it with you and the world.

Short Stories

I wrote a part of the sequel to The Dead Borough this week, but I didn’t have the time to finish it. It’s coming next week! Until then, check out part one:

SHORT STORY: The Dead Borough

I’m trying to set up the second in the series in a way that you can read it even if you haven’t read part one, but it will definitely be more enjoyable if you did.

Alternatively, here’s the one I published last week:

SHORT STORY: Beautiful Cadavers

What I am reading

I’m almost done with David Grann’s The Lost City of Z—a brilliant account of the life of a British explorer who disappeared without the trace in the Amazon while looking for evidence of an ancient civilisation that he believed could’ve developed in the depths of the jungle.

A masterfully told story. David Grann is a staff writer for The New Yorker who clearly spent decades honing his craft. Thumbs up!

Next, I’ll be picking up Charles Arthur’s Cyber Wars which I bought a few weeks ago in Cambridge.

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Past Editions

#49: A novel in the making, August 2018

#48: Plodding Along, July 2018

#47: The only way out is through, July 2018

#46: Deliberate practice, July 2018

#45: Us and them, July 2018

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

What would u say are the best and worst book narrated by each character ?

I sat down to come up with my least favorite book by each narrator and had a pretty easy time of it — there’s an unfortunate dip in quality in the series around #39 - #43 that I can point to as definitely not my faves — and then ended up totally baffled by how to choose JUST ONE favorite book by each narrator, because such a task is almost impossible.  In conclusion, I really love Animorphs, as you probably never would have guessed from reading this blog.  So, with a little cheating, here goes:

Tobias

Least favorite: #43, The Test

The plot of this book pretty much requires that all of the characters, but most notably Rachel and Jake, act in ways that really don’t fit with their behavior for the rest of the series.  My cynical hypothesis about What Was The Ghost Even Thinking rhymes with schmender schtereotyping, but even if I more kindly assume that everyone was just acting strange to jerk Taylor around, I can’t really enjoy this book.

Favorite: #49, The Diversion

Tobias’s point of view works so well for this book, because its plot draws attention to his status as a partial outsider not only for human society as a whole but also for his team.  He’s literally trapped in a liminal space that here actually gives him a lot of perspective on his friends’ families — and the importance of sticking close to his own.  (And by that I mean 93% Ax, 7% Loren.)

Other favorite: #23, The Pretender

Speaking of Tobias being sort of stuck between roles, this book is so good because it shows the strength of his position as both able to access and able to escape being human.  He moves flexibly between a ton of different roles in this book — a leader to the hork-bajir, a supporter to Jake, a parent to himself, a son to Elfangor, a quasi-hawk, a quasi-human, a quasi-andalite — and does so with astounding grace and aplomb.  Resting bitchface has never seemed like a cooler accidental superpower.

Another favorite: #33, The Illusion

This book is the brutal shadow-self to #23, instead shutting Tobias out of a whole bunch of different roles over the course of the plot.  It does however contain one of the series’s best villains (Taylor is terrifyingly sympathetic) and some of its best moments of heartwarming body horror in the final battle.

Ax

Least favorite: #8, The Alien

Honestly, there’s nothing really wrong with this book, but there’s nothing amazingly right about it either.  It has a few great moments (Jake’s naïve optimism at the kandron’s destruction giving way to fear for Tom, Ax having dinner with Cassie’s family, Tobias definitely not tattling on Ax) but overall the plot is just kind of inane and doesn’t do much to move the series forward.

Favorite: #38, The Arrival

Estrid et al. act as such a cool check-in for not only how much Ax has grown as a person through spending too much time around humans, but also how much the team as a whole has grown until they are actually more effective warriors than a group of battle-trained andalite assassins.  Every time I reread this book I end up making noises of triumph and fist-pumping the air, no matter how public my location is at the time.

Favorite favorite: #46, The Deception

This plot hinges on the stark contrast between Ax’s terrible and unavoidable awareness about the horror of open war and the Animorphs’ lack of standard of comparison beyond “hey, remember D-Day?”  MM3 and #28 both do important work to condemn humanity from the outside, but this book actually uses Ax’s perspective primarily for celebrating the whole human species from an outsider’s point of view.

Marco

Least favorite: #40, The Other

As I’ve mentioned here, at this book’s core is an interesting concept that very emphatically does not age well.  On top of the cringe-inducing attempt at an After School Special treatment of the idea that (*gasp*) queer men with AIDS are human too, it also has a largely nonsensical plot that strains both credulity and logic.

Favorite: #25, The Extreme

It’s a brilliant use of Marco’s perspective to comment on the constraints and terrifying outer reaches of Jake’s leadership, one that also contains a highly enjoyable mix of humor and horror.  Because Marco.  I could reread this one a thousand times and still find new aspects of the narration to delight in.

Also favorite: #15, The Escape

This book makes amazing use of Marco’s unreliable narration and lack of self-insight to contrast his willingness to imagine himself confronting sharks with his willingness to run from them upon a real encounter, along with his determination to kill his mom and his inability to stop himself from saving her.  Marco is at his most human in this book, and also his most lovable.

Also also favorite: #51, The Absolute

The governor of probably-California is one of my favorite minor characters in the series, and I absolutely love the dynamic between Marco-Tobias-Ax any time it occurs (this book, #46, #30, #49), meaning that this surprisingly fun aside acts as a much-needed breath of fresh air and comic relief in between the Animorphs losing the morphing cube (#50) and blowing up the Yeerk Pool (#52).  Plus, Marco + tank  = OTP.

Cassie

Least favorite: #39, The Hidden

I’ve said most of this before, but this book is just… nonsensical.  And it’s not delightfully nonsensical like parts of #26 or #14, it’s mostly cringe-inducingly nonsensical.

Favorite: #29, The Sickness

Arguably this is the best Animorphs book, both IMHO and by fan consensus.  It’s got a simple but devlishly difficult plot, a ton of great characterization moments for all six kids, a handful of brilliant devices and settings that meld beautifully to Cassie’s overall character arc, and a wide-reaching perspective on the importance of overcoming difference that is a huge part of what makes these books so good.  It’s also funny, horrifying, edge-of-your-seat engaging, and tear-inducingly beautiful at the very end.

Also my favorite: #4, The Message

Whereas #29 is probably just hands-down the best book ever written, #4 holds a special place in my heart because it’s the first Animorphs book I ever read and the one that convinced me to go find the rest of the series.  This one is sweet and mystical, bleak with the dawning realization that these poor defenseless cinnamon rolls are in this war alone but also hopeful with the realization that these precious cinnamon rolls are in this war together.

Jake

Least favorite: #47, The Resistance

Although I’m of the opinion that #41 is more poorly-plotted, this book manages to be both poorly plotted and glaringly racist.  Its plot doesn’t make sense on several different levels, not the least that Visser Three knows how to find the hork-bajir valley in this book and then apparently forgets how to get there for the entire rest of the series.  And don’t get me started on Jake’s reprehensible behavior from the moment he casually declares Tom “as good as dead,” through to him trying to boss Toby about what’s best for Toby herself, all the way on to him being a jerk to Rachel and Marco. Blah.

Favorite: #31, The Conspiracy

Unlike #47, this book actually makes really good use of Jake’s character flaws to drive the plot forward — he’s bad at being vulnerable, and that ends up being a huge problem for his team.  It also leans hard on the irony of Jake being the only one with a “textbook” family (i.e. upper-middle class, heteronormative and monogamous, European-American, traditionally gendered, outwardly happy) and also being the only one under constant threat for his life any time he’s at home, thereby accomplishing one of the series’s better comments on the fact that children’s lives aren’t as simple as we’d like to think.

Favoriter: #53, The Answer

There are definitely flaws with RL implications in this book, but the plot is so freaking brilliant that I can still regard it as a Problematic Fave.  The final battle is so well-engineered and the Moral Event Horizon is so terrifying as it swings by that I assign this book to myself for rereading any time I’m struggling to write action or battle.  It’s a scary, awful book, but also a very fitting capstone to the series.

Favoritest: #26, The Attack

This setting is so cool.  This plot is so cosmic and yet so personal.  This use of the chee is so bitingly brilliant in its commentary on pacifism as a luxury not everyone can afford.  This story has so many moments that are either heartbreaking callbacks (the opening scene with Tom’s memories from #6) or bloodcurdling foreshadowing (Jake and Rachel’s casually absolute trust that each will be willing and able to kill the other if necessary).  This narration feels like a middle-aged and yet middle-school protagonist struggling to figure out who he wants to be — and defeating a cosmic power at its own game with the power of love.  I could gush forever.

Rachel

Least favorite: #48, The Return

Again, there’s nothing truly wrong with this book; it’s just a silly and inconsequential aside into the main character’s maybe-dreams at a time when the plot outside her head is heating up to the boiling point.  It makes this whole thing come off kind of like Bilbo sleeping through the Battle of Five Armies.

Favorite: #27, The Exposed

I’m not normally a big one for romance, but this book makes me ship Rachel and Tobias so hard that my tiny bitter walnut of a heart grows two sizes every time I read it.  Rachel has such great self-awareness that she doesn’t like any situation she cannot control or at least do violent battle against, and yet she dives into the bottom of the ocean with both eyes open and her chin up because that’s what she has to do to protect the rest of her team.  Crayak has no idea what he’s talking about when it comes to asking her to turn on her loved ones.

Additional favorite: #32, The Separation

As I’ve said, I didn’t really get this book until I realized that it’s not so much about Rachel herself as it is about how the rest of her team views her, and how she defies their simple categorizations, both well-meaning (Cassie) and not (Jake), through simply being herself.  Rachel is both masculine and feminine, both tough and vulnerable, and she makes no apologies for any of it.

And another favorite: #37, The Weakness

This book has an important role for the rest of the series in that it shows how the Animorphs’ guerilla tactics can easily be taken too far, and also how Jake’s discernment of his teammates’ strengths and weaknesses keeps them all alive.  Rachel makes a fair number of logical-seeming decisions in this book that prove short-sighted, and of course it all leads to her and Jake’s brutal Checkovian epiphany at the end.

Added additional also favorite: #22, The Solution

A brutal but powerful read, this book focuses on the ugliest parts of Rachel’s personality (her sadism toward David) but also the most powerful ones (her compassion for Saddler and protectiveness toward both Jake and Jordan).  It also shows that her reckless taste for violence and her boundless desire to protect her families both biological and found are actually two sides of the same part of her personality.

Okay I have a lot of favorite Rachel books: #17, The Underground

It’s oat-freaking-meal.  Only it’s not just oat-freaking-meal, and I’m not talking about the extra-tasty maple and ginger flavoring.  It’s a biological weapon.  It’s a way to harm the enemy, but only through harming prisoners of war.  It’s a social dilemma the like of which we rarely see in children’s books.  It’s a lesson in decision making under uncertainty.  It’s a moral imperative, but no one is quite sure what that imperative is saying.  It’s a deconstruction of the implied assumption that it’s possible to write adventure stories in which no one gets hurt.  It’s awesome.  It’s hilarious.  It’s disturbing as fuck.  Welcome to Animorphs.

[mermaidsirennikita]

April 2018 Book Roundup

In April, I read silly books and I read books that were deadly (literally) serious.  It’s possible that the most well-written book I read was Madeline Miller’s Circe, which I loved and found much more satisfying than Song of Achilles.  But the most enjoyable book?  It was Laura Thalassa’s Pestilence, the romance novel about a girl, an apocalypse, and a sexy horseman who spreads disease.  What more could you want?

Pestilence by Laura Thalassa.  4/5.  When the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse show up, all technology fails, sending the world into chaos.  Then they disappear.  Five years later, Pestilence has reappeared, and wherever he goes a plague kills everyone in his path.  Sara, an ex-firefighter, has been sent to kill him.  When that fails?  She becomes his prisoner--with Pestilence claiming that he’s keeping her alive to make her suffer.  Of course, that’s not what’s really going on, and yes, this is a full-blown romance novel.  It’s also one of the most enjoyable books I’ve read all year thus far.  Sara and Pestilence’s romance is ridiculous, engrossing, hilarious, and yes, pretty sexy.  One thing I loved about this book is that while Pestilence is in his very nature a conqueror and pretty much a living plague--he’s also very boyish and inexperienced and the book makes that inexperience very sexy.  Because Sara’s experienced.  Sara is sarcastic, foul-mouthed, and pretty sexual; and very rarely do you come across a romance novel that lacks a serious alpha male.  Like, yes, Pestilence has his dominant moments, but overall he’s more like... sorta hapless.  I mean, spoiler alert, they have sex, what a shocker, and when Sara is annoyed that he’s not being more chill about it he’s like “I GAVE YOU MY ESSENCE SARA~~~~”.  It’s one of those books.  I loved it.

I Was Anastasia by Ariel Lawhon.  3/5.  Anna Anderson was famous for pretending to be famous--after an attempted suicide, she claimed to be Anastasia Romanov, and was so convincing that people who met and were related to the grand duchess backed her.  “I Was Anastasia” explores Anna’s life--backwards.  Meanwhile, the story of Anastasia Romanov is told moving forward.  Somewhere, they meet in the middle, as does the truth.  In a basic way, this is a good historical fiction novel.  It doesn’t reinvent the wheel.  The thing is that if you know anything about Anastasia, you know about Anna; there aren’t any twists to be had.  What kept this from being a four-star read, aside from the fact that it was a bit expected, was one thing concerning the grand duchesses that is pretty debatable from what I understand, and--I’m not sure it was necessary.  But if you’re into the Romanovs, you may want to check this out.

Lady Killers: Deadly Women Throughout History by Tori Telfer.  4/5.  A collection of write-ups on female serial killers.  What sets this book apart is that, aside from Erszebet Bathory and Nannie Doss (as well as the Benders, vaguely) I really hadn’t heard about most of these women.  Telfer steered clear of discussing extremely obvious women like Aileen Wuornos, instead focusing on cases that largely took place before the second half of the twentieth century, with one murderess dating back to the thirteenth century.  Of course, this means that there was often more speculation and less hard evidence, but for most of these women I think there was a pretty good case to be made that SOMETHING was going on, even if it wasn’t as salacious as some might believe.  And Telfer doesn’t just stick to typical American and European women, either--she touches about the Egyptian sisters Raya and Sakina, famous for killing a remarkable number of women, and Oum El-Hassen, a Moroccan murderess whose motives remain a mystery to this day.  More than a profiling of these individuals, however, I’d call this book an analysis of how we interpret female serial killers culturally.  Why don’t we take them as seriously as we do male serial killers?  Why do paint them, often, as more sexual than truly frightening?  Telfer doesn’t shy away from the gory details and while you might feel some empathy for these women, she doesn’t hesitate to report that some were very likely psychopaths, with no remorse--but then, that doesn’t take away from the fact that some were poor, some were abused, and some didn’t really see any better options for themselves.  The Angel Makers of Nagyrev--not one murderess but a group of Hungarian village women who, over fifteen years, killed around 300 people for a variety of reasons--were particularly interesting and kind of heartbreaking.  Highly recommend.

Tangerine by Christine Mangan.  2/5.  In 1956, Alice goes to Tangiers with her new husband--a man she barely knows--John.  Haunted by an event that happened while she was at school--an event she barely remembers--Alice struggles with anxiety and paranoia, and can’t adjust to the strange world of Morocco.  However, her past catches up to her in the form of Lucy, her old school friend.  This is essentially a 40s/50s film noir/psychological thriller movie a la Hitchcock in book form. Unfortunately, while I feel it would have worked as a movie of that style and era, the writing wasn’t attention-grabbing.  Pretty, but a bit dull.  I couldn’t tell much of a difference between the voices of Lucy and Alice, though they alternated, and the “twist”...  I don’t need a twist in my thrillers--a real one, that is--but if there is going to be one it should be decent.  This was fairly pedestrian.  A missed opportunity, especially painful because the authorb describes Morocco so well.

Indecent by Corrine Sullivan.  3/5.  Imogene has always envied the rich kids who went to elite boarding schools.  Now a grown woman, she becomes a teacher’s assistant of sorts at a fancy prep school for boys--only to find herself attracted to one of the students.  This is not an easy read.  If anyone reads it and believes that Imogene’s victim--because horny seventeen year old boy or not, he is that--was the bad person here, nah.  I don’t think Sullivan intends it that way at all.  Imogene is a study of a predator who became that way through insecurity and arrested development.  She thinks like a teenager.  She constantly critiques herself--her body, her relative lack of sexual experience.  She compares herself to teenage girls, for God’s sake, and is all impressed by a seventeen year old boy’s “experience” and “charisma”.  By being in Imogene’s mind...  You get how a predator becomes a predator.  Some aren’t born that way, and the line between a woman in her early twenties and a boy in his late teens COULD conceivably get blurred--but it’s always the adult’s fault, and this book doesn’t shy away from that.  I wouldn’t say it was a fun read, but it was interesting.

The Day of the Duchess by Sarah MacLean.  3/5.  Malcolm, the Duke of Haven (yes) has a problem.  He needs an heir--but to have an heir, he first needs a wife.  Actually, he has one; but Seraphina, the title-chaser who “trapped” him into marriage left nearly three years ago.  Now she’s shown up asking for a divorce, which isn’t all that easy to get.  Malcolm makes her a deal: if she helps choose his next wife, he’ll grant her the divorce.  Of course, Malcolm would far rather keep Seraphina around than have her select her replacement...  so his real plan is to woo her into staying with him.  This was a pleasant, enjoyable read that varied from the typical romance novel in that the hero has done a genuinely bad thing--not just a mildly upsetting thing--and there are very strong problems in the marriage.  Malcolm and Sera are both pretty wounded by what they’ve done to each other and one major thing neither one of them could have really helped.  The angst was real.  And the sex scenes were good--lots of emphasis on female gratification in this one.  But parts of the story were kind of like... too much comic relief for a novel with the kind of backstory this one has.  I’m not saying it had to be a serious story AT ALL, but Sera has this chorus of sisters and I liked them at first but it become... too much.  However, I’d still call it a solid historical romance.

Circe by Madeline Miller.  5/5.  Known as the witch who turned Odysseus’s men into pigs before capitulating to his charms and will, Circe is a character who was present for or linked to some of the most interesting parts of Greek mythology.  Here she gets her own epic, beginning with her birth as the nymph-goddess daughter of Helios.  Eventually exiled to an island, far from the other gods, Circe encounters everything from sailors to fellow witches and kings, and even monsters.  This is a literary fantasy, the writing as beautiful as it was in Song of Achilles, but dealing with a story much more dynamic and interesting.  Circe is a character who is at times deeply caring while not losing her selfish and destructive streaks.  She has reasons for her behavior, but she isn’t declawed in the least.  Miller tells the more horrifying parts of her story with taste, and at times, humor; but you never lose the sense of the epic in this novel.

The Queens of Innis Lear by Tessa Gratton.  4/5.  As the king of Innis Lear ages, his obsession with the stars and prophecy leave his kingdom in a perilous position.  Drawing together his three daughters--the warlike Gaela, manipulative and child-starved Regan, and the favorite, Elia--Lear promises that he will name his heir.  But no matter who he chooses, the sisters are prepared to go to war for the crown, and for the fate of Innis Lear.  Obviously, this is a retelling of King Lear--Gratton evidently found the initial portrayal of Lear’s daughters lacking, and really takes that to task here.  And to be sure, Gaela, Regan, and Elia have far more depths than the women in the original play.  But the fact is that I could have done with more of them, and less of the perspective of others.  When the story is with the sisters, it’s enthralling.  But often, there’s the perspective of Ban, a pivotal character--an embittered bastard with remarkable power--but perhaps not the most compelling voice.  Then there’s the fool’s daughter Aefa, Ban’s mother Brona, the sisters’ uncle, and more.  Gratton also often delves into the past, revealing plot points but more than that developing the characters.  Which is good.  None of what is in this book is bad, really, but it’s held back from being as good as it could be by too much of the less important stuff.  For example--Gaela and Regan have a very compelling, codependent relationship.  Gaela is driven to be king, and Regan has sworn to support her no matter what and have children that will be Gaela’s heirs.  The problem being, of course, that despite the fact that she’s the only one of the sisters in a loving relationship, Regan seems incapable of bearing a living child.  The differing struggles of Gaela and Regan are amazing, and deserved more pagetime.  With that being said, this is a super compelling story, and worth checking out.

I’ll Be Gone in the Dark by Michelle McNamara.  4/5.  Michelle McNamara, as many know, died in the middle of writing her exhaustive book on the Golden State Killer--a title she coined.  Obviously, the killer has since been caught, but he wasn’t when Michelle was researching.  The result is a gripping, incredibly well-done book on a monster.  It reminds me somewhat of In Cold Blood, but without the closeness to the killer--less sympathy, more drive to find and punish him.  McNamara was up front about her own flaws, with the book itself highlighting her obsessive nature.  But ultimately, the only thing I can really critique about her work is beyond her control; it is somewhat disjointed, as friends had to piece the book together after she died.  However, it’s a remarkable example of true crime lit.

[studylustre]

hello carol, on december 30 i will turn 20... god im no longer a teen!!! but i still look 12 though... ppl also treat me like im the maknae of the group. i dont like makeup so i'll be stuck with my babyface until 40 haha. since you are a 20-year-old urself, what do you want to say to us who are about to turn 20 soon?? tips on better adulting? life lessons?? ily btw pls never stop being a great person. my studyblr will never be as bomb af as urs but i try to be like you in a noncopycat way:))))

hello!! oh wowowoww how exciting - i turned 20 on the 1st of november and whilst everything is pretty much the same, it’s so weird to think that i’m entering?? a different era of my life?? that’s so freaky to think about lmao, in the best way possible. anyway, is this like a “20 things i learned at 20″ kinda thing?? bc if so,, i got u (ps this ask is so cute bless u and i love u)

1. choose the people who choose you sounds dumb + obvious but as someone who chased the approval of people who couldn’t care less for a solid part of their high school years, trust me when i say it’s so so important to surround urself with the people who love you unconditionally for you. don’t change urself or make urself into something you’re not for others bc it’s never worth it. and on that note,,,

2. don’t be friends with people for the sake of having “friends”i get a lot of asks about fake friends + toxic friendships and it makes me so sad. you all deserve so much better than to stick with toxic people who hurt you and take you for granted. i know it’s tough and a nerve-wracking process to confront them or leave them, but please stand up for yourselves and don’t let people walk all over you in the name of “friendship”. demand respect, and if they’re unwilling to give it to you, leave them for the people who will. you all deserve wholesome and healthy friendships that leave you feeling fulfilled and happy.

3. work hardagain, seems obvious but when you’re in school/college/whatever it seems like procrastination and general slacking off is the easier + better option. please do yourselves a favour and work hard, even when you don’t feel like it. you owe it to yourself (and specifically your future self, who believe me, will thank you for it) to do well in life, and that comes as a result of hard work.

4. wear sunscreen. seriouslyskincare is SO important and a vital part of that is wearing spf (factor 50 or above, always) to protect your skin. even if you think you won’t care, you probably will when you’re older so just apply some goddamn spf before you leave the house + reapply regularly throughout the day if it’s particularly sunny. it literally takes like 5 seconds and your skin will thank you for it. speaking of skincare….

5. wash your face and invest in skincare that works for youskincare culture was so big in 2017 and i hope this trend continues because skincare is, as previously mentioned, v v v v important. you don’t have to buy the most expensive stuff, but if it whatever you use works well for you, it’s worth investing in. make sure you cleanse your face every morning and every night and moisturise. do a face mask every now and then, and if you wear makeup, never fall asleep with your makeup on or i swear to god i will find you, break into your house and remove your makeup myself bc i am THAT committed to the anti ‘not removing your makeup before bed’ cause. (psst: if you haven’t tried it already, retinoid is a miracle worker and is definitely worth checking out. do your research on it first though bc it’s a time consuming process to work it into your skincare routine)

6. drink!! water!!!!!!y’all,,, staying hydrated is v v important. ik it’s not the most exciting beverage choice out of juice and coffee and tea etc but it’s the best for your body and for your skin, so make sure you drink at least a litre of water a day!! if you want to make it more interesting, you can stick some fruit in, or even cucumber (which is rly nice!!). also, hot water is rly good, especially with lemon and honey in

7. don’t sweat itthis sounds neurotypical af and i don’t want to trivialise your emotions at all, but when it comes to small things like a low grade on one assignment or missing a deadline one time etc, it’s not a big deal. is it ideal? no. but will it affect you dramatically, 20 years from now? also no. it may feel like the end of the world and it might make you sad (which is understandable!!) but don’t work yourself up too much over it because the likelihood of it affecting you a year from now, or even a month or a week, is very very low. sometimes you just have to laugh and move on (and if you cry a little bit while doing so, then that’s your prerogative. i won’t judge you. just keep your chin up high and move on - you’re doing great!!)

8. learn to cookplease don’t be one of those people that turn up to uni and don’t know how to make toast. learn at least one recipe, and learn it well. you should always have at least one recipe under your belt to feed yourself. also, if you haven’t already, learn how to do laundry.

9. if there’s something you want to do but you haven’t because you’ll do it “one day”, do it now. just start. it’s either “one day”, or “day one”. what are you waiting for?

10. take a breakit’s important to work hard but it’s also important to rest when needed. you are not a machine. go for a walk, hang out with friends, bake some cookies, take a bath, do whatever that’s not related to your work. it’ll do you a world of good to distance yourself from your work for a little while - when you come back to it, you’ll be refreshed + ready to get shit done

11. always listen to your gut instincteven if everyone’s telling you otherwise, listen to your instincts. they (your gut lmao) know what they’re talking about, and in my experience, they’re never wrong.

12. know when you’re in the wrong, and apologise for itlisten,,, as a v petty and stubborn person ik this can be a tough pill to swallow but sometimes you just gotta put your pride aside, own up to your mistakes and move on. don’t be that person who can never admit when they’re in the wrong, bc they suck.

13. appreciate the beauty in the little things like sunsets, the night sky, the first snow. everything is temporary and life is a little less stressful and more enjoyable when you slow down and appreciate what’s around you.

14. unless it’s not the norm in your country, always leave a tip.just don’t be one of those assholes that writes shit like “don’t eat yellow snow” in the place of actual money, because as a waitress, i can confirm that everyone in the restaurant will hate you

15. if you want a haircut/dye your hair/change up your look somehow but you’re too nervous in case it “doesn’t suit you”, just do it anyway.hair is just hair and it will grow out. same with makeup - if it doesn’t work out, you can just remove it (and that’s never the case because in my experience it always works out, so just try it out and stick with it!!) makeovers are fun and life changing in the best and most superficial way.

16. treat yourself to things you like, but know when to dial it back and savei’m always encouraging people to treat themselves, but it’s important to save money too. try putting 10% or 20% or whatever percentage you’re comfortable with of your wages into your savings every month. your future is always worth investing in. and on that note…

17. things also worth investing in: good books, lingerie, perfume, shoes, your dreams

18. take pictures of/with your loved ones more.

19. always stop to pet cats/dogs you see in the street, and if you’re driving, always brake for birds

20. be kind, even when you don’t feel like it.