#i need a reading buddy

[whataducktruck]

bro literally everything i see about don quixote is literally batshit insane. like. thought windmills were monsters?? the book is certified crazy and it makes me want to read it all the more

[collgeruledzebra]

the thing about trying to recommend fiction podcasts to someone who isn't familiar with them is that not only are so so many genres represented but also the level of production can fall anywhere from "basically an audiobook" to "major motion picture minus the pictures"

[idgafimjustmandy]

[thatbuddie]

on the issue of shannon being the love of eddie's life:

i think that so many people misunderstand those of us who are adamant that shannon is not, and was in fact never, the love of eddie's life as us dismissing the love they had or completely denying that their relationship was crucial and irreplaceable for eddie. but this is not the truth. someone does not need to be the love of your life in order to be incredibly important for you. someone does not need to be the love of your life in order to shape you and impact you in ways that no one else can. this is what i believe to be true for eddie and shannon.

let's ignore the philosophical debates about the concept of "the love of your life" for a second because we could be here all day discussing whether there even is such a thing, whether society pushes us to value romantic love more than platonic love, etc. i think it's clear 911 is having the "love of your life" conversation through the lens of romantic love in its biggest form. they're nudging us to think about "the love of your life" as both the person you romantically love most in the world (the love) and the person you are meant to be with (your life). "meant to be with" in the sense of creating a healthy and loving partnership and life with, one the extends for the rest of your life. and the idea is that this partnership is based on your romantic love for them. not what ties you to them practically or even emotionally in general. this lifelong partnership is a conscious romantic choice. hence, the love of your life.

i think it's clear to see that both henren and madney are shown to us as being couples that are "the love of their lives." they have those practical attachments now in the sense that they are parents together and will always be tied through that but there is the conscious romantic love there. and these are not perfect relationships. these are not couples that have never hurt each other. that is absolutely not what being "the love of someone life" is. making mistakes and cheating on someone and running away does not automatically disqualify you from being "the love of someone's life" let's get that very clear. but those things would and could break a relationship that was not with "the love of your life." you stay with someone through those things because the love you have for them is stronger than the mistakes you make. the romantic bond you have with them is so big and so strong (the love) that you choose them over and over and over again (your life).

there is a very interesting conversation to be had with bathena and the concept of "the love of your life." i believe bobby is a perfect example of someone who could be seen as potentially having two loves of his life. marcy was tragically lost for him but i truly think had she survived the fire it could be a possibility that bobby and her would have kept choosing and choosing and choosing each other through the tragedy and grief. or maybe not! maybe the pain of losing their kids would have pushed them away from each other. we don't know. so we can only take their relationship for what it was before she died: they did choose each other constantly based on the romantic love they shared. so they were, somewhat, the love of each other's lives. and then we have athena. athena had an over a decade long marriage with someone we can see was not the love of her life. and yet michael and athena's relationship could never be matched by anyone else. they loved each other deeply and i believe in athena's case even romantically at points, and yet michel was not the love of her life. bobby is.

because this is another thing about the "love of your life" concept that i think 911 is trying to showcase: there is a reciprocity to it. as i said it's about who you share your life with as much as it is about who you romantically love most so someone will not be the love of your life if you constantly love them from afar, or if you are married to them but the romantic love was lost long ago.

now let's dissect that a little for eddie and shannon.

it could be argued that shannon has been, until this day, eddie's biggest romantic love, or at least that eddie still sees it this way. so sure in the surface this would meet the first requirement to make shannon the love of eddie's life. and shannon died while her and eddie were still married so they shared her life together, so that could also meet the second requirement. but we can clearly see that both aspects just don't hold up at all.

why were shannon and eddie really sharing a life when they were married? was it their love that kept them together through eddie's running away and shannon's running away and the fights and the heartbreak? we have been shown over and over again that it wasn't. christopher was the main reason they stayed together and then came back to each other. there was also the familiarity. and there was love in the mix, yeah, but that was not why they chose each other the times that they did. so they are not the loves of each other's life if the feeling of romantic love was not the strongest thing that tied them outside of who they are to each other (the parent of their child, the first person they were ever with, their spouse on paper.)

and let's be honest, were eddie and shannon really choosing each other through it all? i don't think so at all. eddie was choosing his family, his son, his wife. but was he choosing shannon? shannon as a person? and even if he was (which i personally don't think so) shannon literally asked eddie for a divorce before she died. the reciprocity of "the love of their lives" would be absolutely lost on the fact that, had shannon stayed alive, her and eddie would be divorced by now, hence breaking the second requirement of "the love of your life" concept: choosing each other over and over and over again.

shannon is not, and was never, the love of eddie's life.

shannon is a person who has shaped eddie beyond belief. she has shaped eddie's views on romantic love, family, duty. she has shaped his view of himself, his identity as a husband and man.

shannon is a person who eddie loved and loves very deeply. maybe romantically, maybe not. we can all have our own perceptions here. i think he loved her deeply but not romantically, as i do think eddie is gay. but even if it is romantic, i think the reason this love is still to this day the biggest love eddie has ever had is not because he can't love harder or even with the same intensity, but because he won't allow himself.

those two things can be true (eddie loved her and shannon impacted him) without "shannon is the love of eddie's life" being true as well.

eddie thinks shannon is the love of his life because he still confuses "we got married" with "we chose each other." he confuses "i loved her" with "i was in love with her." he confuses "i wanted to keep my family together" with "i chose her." he confuses "i miss her terribly and will always wonder what could have been" with "i can never love anyone else."

shannon is not, and was never, the love of eddie's life.

whether or not you think buck is the love of eddie's life (which i could write another essay about), i think we should all see that part of eddie's healing has to come from realizing this fact and finally being able to move forward into seeing the love of his life is still out there for him to fully give himself to.

[ananxiousgenz]

I honestly do not think I've ever experienced as much agony over a fictional character as I have over oscar malevolent. he's just the winning combo of religious trauma, blood, devotion, queer pain, endless kindness and optimism, and vengeance yk?

[lexieloo28]

HAPPY S1 FINALE EVERYONE!!

OK CINDERELLA BOY NATION SOOOOOO

NOW THAT I CAN FINALLY POST THIS MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I HAVE SOME THEORIES/ COMMENTS ON STUFF AFTER EP. 61

SPOILERS AHEAD IF U HAVENT READ IT!

SERIOUSLY YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WANT TO GET SPOILED FROM ME. PLS GO READ PUNKOS AMAZING FINALE FIRST!

Ok so throw back to Ep. 56

When bronze entered the book and only encountered that rustling. He himself states that either Buddy/Nox wasn’t there, or left the book.

The rustling in the bushes could have just been ambience ORRRR Buddy/Nox could have spotted him and left quickly! Bronze would recognize him right away, so it TOTALLY makes sense that he would leave. However, he didn’t show up at all when Deacon was Ridin’ Solo. So he probably either has a direct link to Silver, or Chase himself. If Violet is linked with Silver, Buddy/Nox prob skedaddled the moment he saw our peanut butter boy.

The book shown in EP. 61 shows a bunch of lines and junk (including Buddy/Nox's moon) with Violet's key presumably in her spot? Which could connect her to Silver? Idk

Another thing, I’ve been thinking about :

What role exactly Buddy/Nox has... When Chase first wakes Silver in Ep. 9

We can see here that Chase says purple key and villainess and Silver confirms. I saw someone in the comments mention that he has the moon on his back to mirror Goldie, so maybe he is the villain key? Like, for masculine roles while Violet is for feminine roles. He does mention that he’s never been the hero…

Some more food for thought,

Look at how sad he is here in Ep. 13 :( Chase has no idea that he’s saying that to a fellow key who probably knows Silver better than Chase does.

A few panels earlier Buddy/Nox calls her an “it” so I wonder if he was somehow turned into a key after they were separated, and never met her? Or he could just be throwing Chase off. He seems genuinely surprised when Chase tells him off.

And Next,

This episode had me thinking of Buddy/Nox bashfully asking Violet to make him outfits for each story LOL. I love when we get peaks into his shy personality. He has a snooty persona he keeps putting up, and I hope in season two we get to see him show more genuine pieces of himself :’)

(Ep. 40)

Now, discussing some moments from the actual episode 61 (and ofc I freaked out for a Hot Minute after The Reveal) I wanted to share a bit of a “haha” moment where this image

Did not in fact make me freak out. For the right reasons. I went “WOAH VIOLET IS SO BIG”

…

I was so shell shocked from the kiss that I didn’t even CONSIDER that Buddy/Nox is TINY 😭

And then we get to see more of his facade crack as he sadly reminisces after the kiss. Not a cute moment like Chase, but a realization that he’s fallen deeper than he should have. And it’s getting in the way of his goals. Their goals.

And finally,

Looking back at some of the other episodes, Buddy/Nox lets himself indulge in Chase sometimes. When he calls him a little idiot, strokes his hair, tries (badly) to idk seduce? him. Its making my mind RACE! Was he aware of his feelings? Did he look forward to seeing Chase in the books? Did it give him a sense of normalcy and make him feel human again? Did he feel a sense of dread when he realized that he likes Chase, or chose to ignore the reasons he shouldn’t and let himself indulge? Or push his feelings deep down and not once mention it to Violet?

Punko, you are a LEGEND I cherish this webtoon SO MUCH.

SO GLAD I CAN FINALLY POST THIS IVE BEEN FROTHING AT THE MOUTH RGRGAGGR

[louisissucha-teez]

home

[buck × eddie, the well collapse scene, S3E15, 9-1-1]

[sightofsea]

coffee theory and immediate reconciliation sucks btw I wanna see them duke it out like divorcees going to court over a beanie baby collection and getting obviously sad about it but also being too stubborn to admit it until they end up making out on the negotiation table

[yanaspritesblog]

["Even if I die, I won't take any of your hearts."]

still cant believe i churned this out in less than two hours. author-nim, you made me cry. 😭

i think im starting to see a pattern with my fic recs here. 🙂‍↕️

day #5 of my nearly everyday fanart challenge.

poison in my veins (sacrifice in my bones) by cywscross

[the-amber-raven]

I would never delete my fics

I got linked to a reddit thread today where people were being advised to download my mortifying ordeals/Buddie fics, since apparently "now that I'm a BuckTommy shipper", I might be "petty" and delete all my Buddie fics.

So. I'll move past the complicated feelings it gives me to have people hoarding my fics while actively shitting on me as a person (and seemingly not even telling me that they enjoyed my work, although in fairness that could just be a difference in usernames.) That's the nature of fanfic, fandom, and putting things out there on the internet and I accept that.

But I do want to reassure people that I would never delete my fics. I still have the cringy-as-fuck Harry Potter fics I wrote in high school up; believe me those would be first on the chopping block if I was inclined to delete my work. And all of my 9-1-1 fics hold a special place in my heart, but none more than the mortifying ordeals series, which consumed basically a full year of my life and reminded me why I love writing. Hell, I got engaged while writing the final chapters of I once was lost. That fic is indelibly tied to my life now.

And look... I don't think it really matters, nor should I have to explain and justify what I do and don't enjoy about a show or fandom, but this whole experience has upset me more than it probably should have and I can't help but want to get it off my chest anyway.

My favourite thing about this show is the found family feels. I either love or am at least intrigued by every single character that has appeared. You'll notice that family is the central theme of every story I write, whether the story is Gen, Buddie, or BuckTommy.

Because yes, the idea of BuckTommy and how that plays into the family themes of the show has intrigued me and captured my muse.

I've also said before that I didn't think Season 7 left Buddie in a great place in terms of romantic relationship potential - in my opinion, the ghost of Shannon would be an absolutely massive barrier to them getting together right now. The post season 7 Buddie fics have also heavily featured character bashing, which isn't something I generally enjoy seeing, and infidelity, which I really don't like seeing romanticised especially since I've had a partner cheat on me.

So yes, I've distanced myself from the post-S7 Buddie fandom because I just don't enjoy the pervasive negativity I've seen and the way that cheating and violence is suddenly celebrated by a significant subset of the fandom.

That does not mean I've given up on Buddie altogether. I still have a whole list of pre-S7 buddie fics in my to-be-read list that I've been making my way through and 2 out of my 5 WIPs are Buddie fics (both in the mortifying ordeals 'verse, just to make it even clearer that I'm not at all interested in deleting that series.)

But two of those 5 are BuckTommy, because as I said above, their relationship was intriguing to me and it captured my muse.

I don't think those opinions make me some kind of betrayer, or that they inherently make me a "petty" person but I guess I just didn't realise that not-exclusively-shipping-Buddie was such a High Crime in this fandom.

[buddiedaydreamer911]

me waiting for ao3’s shields to go down so i can read more buddie fics

[maydaydiaz]

Eddie is really just gonna be there in every scene chilling with them huh

[mbirnsings-71]

"I will fall in love with you, over and over again."

"'Would you fall in love with me again?' The question is spoken quietly, even though there's no need for quiet, but something about how gently it's asked shakes Eddie. 'You ask that as if I would ever fall out of love with you, Buck.' 'Haha very funny, now humor me. Would you fall in love with me again?'" -------------------------------------- Basically Buck asks Eddie a question and Eddie answers it as best as he can for him.

Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV)

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Tags: Cuddling & Snuggling, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has Abandonment Issues, Evan "Buck" Buckley Has Self-Worth Issues, if you squint cause like it's just a throw away sentence but yeah, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley Loves Eddie Diaz, they just love each other basically, that's it that's the whole fic they just love each other, and reassure each other that they would always love each other, No Beta We Die Like Buck did for three minutes and 17 seconds, or how Bobby did for like 15 minutes, Post-Episode: s08e08 Wannabes (9-1-1 TV), cause I mention it soooooo yeah gotta tag that appropriately, Canon Compliant, Kissing, just one kiss but it should be tagged, One Shot, Praying they aren't super OOC! We will see, first published work in this fandom so please be nice!

Complete | 1,714 words | Read on Ao3

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, this is a very random framing meta that started as an "it's interesting that even though Oliver is a pretty big guy they pretty much never use Buck's size for intimidation" and it evolved to something buddie from there. It actually started because the one instance I could think of where they highlight Buck's size, that being the "what's your problem, man" conversation.

Because here's the thing, Ryan is what? 2 inches shorter than Oliver? But they really made a point of making Buck look bigger in this scene because Buck is mad and he's trying to be intimidating, and it makes Eddie looks smaller even if he's not small by any definition. So I went to the other fight they had, the grocery store scene, they actually frame it so Eddie looks bigger even though he's not because Eddie is the one whos mad. And even though we can see Eddie when the focus is on Buck, we can't see Buck when the focus is on Eddie. It's all very Buck is seeing Eddie, Eddie is not seeing Buck.

So I went looking for all the Big Conversations to look at the framing choices and I'm gonna type out thoughts I guess.

I separated this into categories, the first one being Conversations About Christopher. The thing with the talks about Chris is that they are always sitting down for them. They're on the same level.

When Shannon comes back and Eddie is confused about what to do about it, the close-ups actually don't try to make it seem like either of them is bigger, but the wider angle puts Eddie in the center and Buck angled in a way where Buck looks smaller, obviously because even though Buck has a place on Eddie's life, his space on Christopher's isn't that established.

Then we have the skateboard discussion. At this point, we know that Buck loves Christopher and that he is a established as part of Chris' life. And it's interesting that they are talking here where none of them is highlighted and Buck actually comes up with a solution for a parenting problem while Eddie is spiraling.

Then we have everyone's favorite conversation about Christopher. Yes the discussion of the will is very layered but it is about Chris, and again, they are on the same level, none of them is highlighted and even the close-ups leave them about the same size and showing roughly the same amount of the other at all times. This is Eddie making it clear that he also understands Buck's space on Christopher's life.

There's also when Eddie is struggling with the fact that Chris is scared and missing Shannon, again, they are always shown at the same level while Buck tries to help Eddie and we are always seeing both of them while working the problem.

Then we have the Buck Needs Reassurance talks. During this type of conversation, Eddie is always standing up and Buck is sitting down, making a point of having Buck look up at Eddie. Those scenes being when Maddie leaves and Chim punches Buck and the conversation after Buck's death.

I think it's interesting here too that they made a point of having Buck in comfortable clothes because he's in a vulnerable place and but he is comfortable enough in looking up at Eddie (literally and figuratively).

Then we have the Eddie Needs Reassurance talks. Those are very interesting because they usually start with them being at different levels, but equalizing once they start talking.

The most intense example of this is the talk about the panic attacks, Buck approaches Eddie when he's laying down and Buck's standing up, but once the conversation actually becomes a conversation not just Eddie avoiding the topic, they are both sitting down and being shown as the same size as they work it out.

Same with the aftermath of Eddie's breakdown, they start with Buck standing up but once they start talking, they are both sitting down and on the same level.

Then there are the Intense Conversations That Feel Somewhat Unresolved. (I'm not sure how to categorize this one, coincidentally they are talking about Buck almost dying in both)

It starts with Eddie dropping Christopher off at the loft before the tsunami.

They're on the same level but they are not seeing eye to eye, Eddie is trying but Buck refuses to look at him. Something that's interesting about this one is that Buck is usually in very tight shirts and Eddie's are usually looser, but since we are supposed to think that Buck is wasting away, Eddie's shirt is very well fitted, even the seam on the shoulders are in the exact right spot but Buck's is on the looser side (seriously, most of Buck's shirt look like they will rip off his arm if he flexes a little, the fact that there's space in that sleeve is crazy lol). Something important here I think is the way they are on the same side of the screen during close-ups, so they never try to make it seem like they are looking at each other and the other one is not shown, and the wider angle they are facing different directions, so they really aren't on the same page here.

I think the grocery store scene kinda fits into this category, but it's a bigger blowout and there's more at stake since it's in a very public setting with an audience. But they are facing each other, they are just not on the same side of the conflict.

And there's the cemetery scene, where even though they are talking and on the same level, they are NOT seeing eye to eye, and it's interesting because they pretty much never look at each other at the same time in this scene. They are having an important conversation, but there's tension and they are not agreeing on what's going on here. Even the close-ups make a point of cutting the other one from the frame.

Something else I think it's interesting about this particular scene is that when they do show us them looking at each other when the focus is supposed to be on Eddie, they show us Buck's face, but when the focus is supposed to be on Buck, we don't see Eddie's.

Then we have Conflict Resolution Talks.

In contrast with the talk they have before the tsunami, the talk they have after, they are finally looking at each other. And even though both of them are centered on both scenes, they are finally facing each other, so, they are finally getting on the same page.

Then we have them making up after the lawsuit.

The framing of this scene fascinates me. There's a literal obstacle between them. They put something physical between them to show how much this conflict was in their way and they put them both on the edges of the frame. But the way the scene progresses is also interesting because we see a lot more of Buck when the focus is on Eddie than we see of Eddie when the focus is on Buck.

They go as far as to make Eddie look smaller, making more of a show of the distance between them when the focus is on Eddie and it shows that Eddie sees Buck's side but Buck is not really seeing his. But that equalizes as they talk, Buck being the one that starts closing the distance between them, coming to be resolved when they both meet in the middle. In a quite literal representation of the way this gets resolved (It started because Buck didn't reach out leaving Eddie unsure of his space, Buck reaches out to close the gap, they meet in the middle because they're a team <3)

And there's our favorite kitchen scene.

Something interesting here is that we see Eddie when the focus is on Buck but we don't see Buck when the focus is on Eddie. Even in the wider angle, Eddie is closer to the edge of the frame and Buck is pretty centered. Buck is doing all the moving in this scene, Eddie leans into the sink when he starts drinking and Buck is the one closing the space between considering Eddie is still in the same spot he started when the scene ends. It kinda shows that while Eddie is willing to talk, Buck is gonna have to put in some work. Eddie is also in a headspace that might need some more reaching out and it shows.

I don't really have a category for this scene, the point here is Buck giving Eddie hope. What I think it's interesting here is that even though they are facing different directions, they are always on the same side of the screen in the close-ups. Buck's in Eddie's space and Eddie is letting him and in the context of this scene is the first time in a while. Even the wider angle has them to the side. Buck is trying to step into the mess with Eddie, and Eddie is finally letting him. (Hoping we get a mirror of this scene in the future tbh)

This is all for now.

[momowoah]

Not to bring up yesterday's discourse but the reason why some people think Buck has never had a breakdown is because they want his breakdown to be him crying nonstop and leaning on the people he loves but that's just not him. His breakdowns (yes, plural) in the past that we've seen have shown that he tends to get angry and run away from everyone. That's what he did when Maddie couldn't leave with him. That's what he did during the lawsuit era. That's what he did when his parents came back in s4. He lashes out and he isolates. Eddie is the one who cries and seeks help in the people around him (post-therapy at least, he had his fight club era lol) but y'all refuse to acknowledge him as someone who can be vulnerable and be taken care of unfortunately.

[aetherixs]

juno steel, unhinged bisexual lady detective that he is, will always resonate with me but buddy’s monologue in ‘the heart of it all’ is my roman empire