Thinking about the fact that I'm really bad about showing emotions. Through text/questions/irl, most of the time it doesn't show properly. My voice comes on as flat and doesn't properly intonate (esp when I'm tired). Questions I want to ask nicely doesn't show proper niceness...
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i also just don't understand the neurochemical theory for ADHD i guess. i mean, as far as i can tell, stimulants have genuinely helped me a lot, especially with sensory overload and being able to activate focus at will more often. but they haven't changed the core part of me that just goes too fast, if that makes sense. when i was a kid, most of the adults around me were convinced that (and it sounds fucking stupid, sorry, i promise i am not making this up) i was like... so smart that i had excess neurons that fired so much it caused literally every symptom of ADHD you can imagine. sensory overload was because i had like, heightened senses and took in too much data, talking fast and on a train of thought was because i just thought faster than other people, stuff like that. it's definitely a lot better than being told i'm stupid and defective (though i got a fair bit of that too, depending on the adult), but pretty obviously pseudoscientific and also the reason i didn't get diagnosed till age 16 despite the extremely obvious flags i was throwing up. regardless, that explanation that my brain was simply structured differently, that i basically took in too much data too fast, always spoke to me a lot more than the idea that it's caused by my dopamine receptors only. i just don't generally link most of my symptoms to my emotions or adrenaline levels most of the time. certainly it plays a part, but the way i talk, the sensory stuff, and the way i learn and process new information seems to be largely unexplainable with dopamine levels.
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I think I have 2 or 3 stories left in the collection I have but top 3 Ken Liu short stories are good hunting, state change, and paper menagerie
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i really like tea but i havent been able to drink much in a bajillion years because as ive gotten a little bit older i've gotten even worse with hot drinks than i used to be and i dont have the time to wait for them to cool down OTL i mean i was always bad with hot things (i drink coffee with like half of the cup as cold milk to cool it down faster <3 ) but like now if a drink is like a degree too warm i die in real life
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