nyasha-muganiwa

[nyasha-muganiwa]

^☆■☆^

the sound of laughter fills the air. a drop of water into a dry, empty cup. even with a heavy, hollow heart, i feel the joy around like peace in the meadow. because even in this silent wilderness, as i walk aimlessly feeling no purpose at all, that breeze-like peace brings little joy to my heart. that drop of life in this empty heart serves as some sort of comfort and hold in me. so much that even when the feelings begin to breakthrough i hold my head high and remember the pain that they always bring, and so i shut them out and move forward. through the green pastures or the pitch dark valleys, everything is the same really. so even with the sound of laughter that fills the air, flying through the breeze and landing softly in my heart. i feel empty still, but that sound. that hope. look at me and understand...if i can't find peace in me, then maybe i can in you.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

{♡☆♡}

she is a beautiful soul. a strong tree. it's like she was planted in the centre of a dry garden. the hot breeze blows and the dust swirls around. but she grows. the sun pounds down hard and even when the water lessens more and more, but she continues to grow. with every insult and complication, every difficult moment and dry season she grows and matures the more it gets tough. her heart is her power source, so wide and endless that it on its own is the greatest mystery. she pumps her love into the garden, growing more and more with every beat. she allows the little flowers to depen on her. she is all i know. so i'm strong, i'm well, i'm alive because i lean on that heart, that tree. look at me and understand....that heart, that tree, that's my mom.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

●~♧

maybe the clouds and the trees and the flowers love looking at you too. maybe they love how soft and fluffy you look from afar. and how you seem to change colour whenever the sun shines at different angles on you. or how your mood switches some times when you're happy, angry, sad or confused. maybe it smiles down and wishes it too could keep a picture or two of you too, with you. maybe they love how the wind blows softly on you as you stand tall and majestic. and how you tend to shake a little when the breeze gets extra strong. or how your whooshing and rustling seem to be song like from time to time. maybe it too smiles and wishes to join in on your lovely nostalgic tune. maybe they love how good you smell. and how your scent seems to linger in the air for a while when you pass by. or how you're clothed in such beautiful colours, it's hard to pick just one favourite. maybe the clouds and the trees and the flowers love looking at you too. look at me and understand...maybe it's just me, or maybe i never walk alone.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

*◇●◇*

when the sun dims down and the heat grows low, i'll think a special thought. when the memories resurface and a small smile forms, i'll call out to you. when the green grass fades and my mind's in a state, i'll let all the questions flood in. when the blue sky's grey and the moon comes to stay, i'll make my bed and wait. with my feet planted down and hands stretched wide, i'll search and search and search. when my smiles start to twitch and i'm losing my cool, my face will grow pale. when my laughs die down and my head's in the clouds, i'll come to a deep conclusion. when my words silent away and my heart grows numb, i'll know i tried my best. look at me and understand...for now, you've got the best of me.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

○□°:°■●

at my last breath, may i sigh a deep request. may i look longingly at the sky above, and feel the hardness of the ground below. may my toes feel the warmth off of each other, and my fingers graze softly upon the breeze. may my arms stretch further than before, and my legs lead me into the unknown. may my stomach shyly shove away the butterflies, and my insides turn out. may my ears focus on that familiar voice, and my nose seek that very scent. may my mind project all the memories from as far back as it can, and my heart draw in those of near and now. may i be by you, and you with i. even in these parting times, let's be alright. look at me and understand...my last breath is my goodbye note to you.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

~¤▪︎¤~

     -

i wanted to see magic, so the fairy transformed itself into the pouring rain. for a second i stood, stunned and staring deeply at nothing in particular. trying hard to process the missing pieces i must've skipped. my mind malfunctioned and my body stood still, both confused and questioning what had just transpired, but my heart. it knew the answer. it understood why. it wasn't blinded by logic and human understanding. it followed its own path and used eyes different from the ones we're used to. it was gentle, quiet and, pure. so as the rain poured slowly, the fairy whispering with each cold droplet. i became what i wanted, i saw magic. look at me and understand...it's an illusion only when you choose not to see it.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

/□\■/○\●/

and as the days turned to years. i watched myself swim further in. the tides and waves grew more dominant, but i was adamant, certain that i could move forward. i gasped and coughed, but still holding on to my anchor, which is hope, even as i got pushed further down and felt unable to breathe. i let my guard down for a moment, allowing my eyes to wander around me, curious of my progress in life. yet alas, i let out a cry, or was it a small laugh. i had raced and fought through the waves, just to register that i'd been where i've always been. the storms kept rising, taking different forms, attacking me at every opportunity. i looked around to see familiar surroundings. faces that haunted my days. noises that spooked my nights. i loath it here. after all the pain, and all the struggle, i have nothing to show of it. my very own civil war. what else have i misinterpreted. what else will surprise me. at this point, i hold on only to that anchor. look at me and understand...i fight through the waves of the tears i cry.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

♤■♤□♤

it was when life was hardest, the days darkest, the love invisible and my heart empty that i questioned the beauty of life. in that very moment, sorrow took its chance and forced me to relive, again and again, the mirrored days that had no intention of changing. even with a different mindset, a different drive and perspective arising in me with each sunrise, i looked the same as i did before and felt no better. the pages of life flipping and switching. each breath blowing on them greatly, mercilessly, eager to watch the seeds of pain grow quickly in me. time became the water they needed to grow. the mocking from those surrounding me being their sun shine. and my thoughts became the good soil. always ready to receive any comments, negativity, blew my way. from far and wide, all the same. all with one intention. to prove that life is sorrowful. unfair. lacking in beauty. what a sad reality that is. everything is the same, all days mirrored. and every moment pushing me into a continuous dark hole. look at me and understand...it was when life was hardest, the days darkest, the love invisible and my heart empty that i thought hard, it is indeed a beautiful life. right.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

□▪︎■▪︎□

people are like water, and water can be very deceiving. you can only work with what you can see, what you're given. people are that bright blue that looks intimidating from afar, yet very captivating. it compels you to it so much that you're blinded by the idea of only being near it, a part of it. people are convincing, the more they draw you closer the more they convince you to stay. creating a home in them, in the blue. but the closer we dive in the more we realise that the bright blue beauty is nothing but a suffocating illusion. people create images of what they want to be and make sure to draw you close. keep you close. it's only when you are close that they let their guard down. people take off that blue mask and show their true colour. no colour at all. look at me and understand...people are water.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

●°♡°●

the scent of the distance can be lovely isn't it. the view was so far off that it was further than the eye could see. but she would stand and stare. some concluded she was delusional, some swore she was imagining things, while others were sure it was all just a dream. a figment of her imagination, but she still squinted her eyes as far down as she could. mastering the arts of staring long and hard into the unknown. and because all her senses were quick to feel alive, she felt them communicate. deep in discussion. she could smell the story her eyes told and could even taste the winds that touched her cheeks. comforting her. the scent of hope was like a soft rain upon her hilltop, perfumed straight from heaven. she longed so very much to take that final step and taste what her eyes pictured. even the lingering smell seemed to torture her as she waited in anticipation. some times desperate and in other times hopeless. but she stood still, yearning for what would come. because even though she hadn't seen it all yet, and didn't quite hold the assurance to back the claim, she held on to one special promise. she would be okay. look at me and understand...she is you and i in pursuit of the light found in tomorrow.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

♧♧♧

the night and storm conversed on a stormy night. one asked the other, why pick my time to display your rainy wrath. already my darkness intimidates even the bravest of men, causing them all to flee as soon as they can. seeking shelter and shutting their eyes so as to avoid facing me. they'd rather be transported to different dimensions, unknown places, and see things they'll forget within minutes of awakening. they'd rather do all this than be in contact with me. so you decide. in your scary state, flashing and roaring in anger do you not notice that there's nothing but silence surrounding us. who are you trying to frighten. no one is here but you, me and eavesdropping clouds. the pressure and noise you make is exasperating. keep it down...the other replied in a loud voice turning to the dark night sky and said, not to patronise you but i cannot hear you. speak a little louder. look at me and understand...sometimes talking to people is no better than talking to a wall.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

《◇◇◇◇◇》

once in a while on a hot sunny day a certain someone shows his ridiculous face to the world. the confidence of placing himself high on his makeshift throne where all can see is still a mystery even today. why would he still come around when half the population scrunches their face in discomfort. distress. they frown and sneeze and turn red, eyes watery, the source of their problems being him. and all he does is stand there. no action and no movement. quiet frankly we rarely take him seriously. even when he places himself high enough to look like the clouds, or should i say he looks like smoke. at the end of the day he looks like a cloud that smokes. and all he does is stand there. he makes us hate the sun, he uses its heat for his own little show and makes us dread the day time roaming. had it been up to him, he'd take a night-shift too. but night is not someone you can walkover so easily. no not at all. I'll tell you about it one day. but this guy, he's a mess. and because of his toxic traits we're all a mess now. a hot, sweaty mess. look at me and understand...it's a little hazy outside.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

•●●●•

she felt her insides slowly turn blue. and solid. every one attached to the other. she'd never felt so close to...herself. yes. it was in that moment, ice cold and unable to move, that she felt whole. she felt complete. nothing out of place, nothing else needed. like a block of ice she clung only to herself. and anything else that tried to force itself through would only get hurt. completely damaged. and even when it tried to stick to her for a period of time, it on its own would eventually tire and let go so quickly you'd swear it was never there. so there wasn't much of a point in trying, they all did but it never worked out. her heart was stone cold, hard as a rock, and she was used to it. okay with it. how sad. will she ever thaw, look at me and understand...not today. it's pretty cold and we can't think of that possibility right now.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

__^^^__

i found myself speaking, to the boy. the one who said he could change himself into the wind. well, others spoke of it, he just remained silent. because it was ridiculous. he did not know how to do so, he'd never changed himself into the wind. the comments and remarks from those who seemed sure caused him to shake in fear. and the wind, it swirled and twirled around him in mockery, daring him to do what only it could do. challenging him to carry messages from far away lands as it did, and wander around, speaking of every wonder it had encountered. the wind was sure that there was nothing it did not know. no one could capture or tame it. its secrets were known only by it. so the wind admitted secretly of its curiosity. a boy that could change himself into the wind. could he, seize the moment and touch the tips of his agonising mountains. could he, dive into uncertainty and come out victorious. or could he, ignore the painful present and focus on the beauty that is yet to come. filled with hope and strength. could this boy really turn himself into the wind, and in his toughest times whiff away to where he deeply desired to be. understanding the beauty of roaming, of risking, of waiting. who knows how the wind moves. who understands its deepest desires, and the struggles that bring it to where it is. where it is going. look at me and understand...only the wind. so be the wind.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

~~●●~~

its language is how the dark sky paints itself with colour to express love and light. the sight was frightful before the dark orange spark merged into a pitched blue, turning its shade a little towards purple. royalty. gazing didn't seem so lonely afterwards. imagine looking up tediously to an endless dark space that carries no volume of hope at all. the sight now represented the start of something, the start of a light that is able to urge you to seek what you truly long for. what the elders call the heart's deepest desire. instead of wandering around blindly, there is warmth to consider. the type that runs from deep within. believing. hoping. faith. that even if the future is certained to be bright, we can find comfort in that little spark. look at me and understand...surely it's all about the journey to the light.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

《¤¤¤》

that icy morning air is similar to the thoughts that circle in my mind. no one knows where they crept up from, but they leave a cold effect as they swirl and howl between my ears. fascinating. we're always told that we carry full control over our lives. that we can create thoughts and destroy them at our disposal, as the authors, as the rules of our minds. but if i can destroy it all whenever i want, and cause the greatest arson known to man, why then do cold spells exist. why do we have season change. my mind, my thoughts, my turf, but then the drum changes its beat. there is some sort of stagnation when the cool breeze is traded in for the icy wind. good thoughts, a peaceful mind, traded in for a memory. and not the good kind. i sit back and reflect on the morden form of merciless pain, that cold morning air. so sudden, so damaging. unseen but leaving the biggest effect. why do thoughts exist. why can't we live without them. better yet, isn't there a permanent delete option for the ones we choose. what a foolish thought. it would be too simple, remember, you created this world. you placed every stone in its place and raised every pillar in position. look at me and understand...the sudden cold is a reminder of the resurfacing of what was initially buried within.

[nyasha-muganiwa]

♧¤♧

there's love in the air, that's if a mysterious breeze and a cold silence is romantic to you. the big bright moon compliments the dark sky well. how is it that even when i've inevitably declared darkness on myself you come in and shine just enough to remind me who i am. listen, i'm content in the dark, i've gotten used to it, and you understand this. so you're not overwhelming, not pressuring. you are exactly what i need, so much that even when that lone tear tiptoes down my cheek, and the melody plays softly as though it were not there, i feel warm and secure at the thought of you. at the mention of your name. my expectation is an us, together and all the time. it's cold outside but my mind isn't focused on it, just you. well the note to you. i write and write as i usually do,but to no one in particular. my mind walking soullessly, in need of colour. but colour only exists in fairy tales, and there is no such thing as fairy tales. just as there is no us. look at me and understand...at this rate, i know i'm better off alone