#i missed them so much it actually hurt
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sysig · 1 year ago
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Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Gaster#Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol#Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird#Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth#Not to mention the trauma#And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories!#It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :(#This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0#I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things!#Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting#But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation!#Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment#The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats#And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached#How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥#But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember#Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol#Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft
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crowned-ladybug · 2 months ago
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After years, I'm finally getting down the design for one of my many Flight Rising dragons, BU
He's an absolute charmer and also wanted in all of Lightning flight for starting a workers' riot at the factory he used to work at. Today he lives in Fire flight, adopted by a family of blacksmiths and using his charm on customers instead (he's not allowed to work the forge. His factory work has left him with chronic health issues and most days he wears a back brace to help deal with some of it)
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dariusaurs · 4 months ago
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i think dinostar is such an interesting ship right now even if i've kind of turned away from it after this season. the problem is that it's complicated, and fandoms historically don't like nuanced situations or takes. i don't think it's fair to say darius is putting brooklynn on a pedestal, since from his perspective, she hasn't done anything wrong, and kenji has been framed as this unfair partner to her. it does feel like his feelings are very immature and more of an infatuation right now ("if he loved you half as much.."/"unless?"), especially when you compare them to kenji's own feelings for brooklynn - his girlfriend who he's loved for 6 years - but that isn't a horrible thing, it's just different. i do completely understand if people dislike the ship right now, and even criticize darius' way of handling the accidental confession, but i just think people have been way too harsh on all three of them without being willing to see that all of their perspectives are different
#like darius' whole thing this season was his tendency to say or do the wrong thing and make things awkward by complete accident#he's a very awkward person as it is and considering he's also never dealt with romantic feelings before and he didn't even mean to tell her#about them it makes sense that he once again said and did the wrong things while trying to fix it#i'm not going to judge his characterization just yet until we see how he handles his own feelings vs kenji's next season after finding out#she's alive#he was still respectful of her and i doubt after learning more of kenji's side and realizing this man genuinely does still love and miss he#that he would prioritize pursuing her romantically(especially since she already yk.. rejected him and also literally just left them all)#if anything i think the finale putting his feelings about her survival to the side and focusing on how it hurt kenji to see her alive and#leave him kind of indicates that brooklynn's not really going to be much of a love interest for darius after this#which imo as a dinostar enjoyer and professional darius lover i'm actually okay with#slightly off topic but season 2 has made me really appreciate kenlynn on its own because of how tragic and nuanced it is#so i think focusing on them instead is not only a better decision in terms of consistency and storytelling but it's just the more realistic#and satisfying choice right now#and that's not to say i think they'll be perfectly fine or even together again once they're reunited properly#in fact i very much hope she ends up alone and they all get closure from this#and there's always the possibility that later on the show might actually revisit dinostar again#which would be better than them trying to do so now in my opinion#idk this is probably a mess but i've been trying to think about how i felt about this love triangle for awhile and since s2 handled it#completely differently than i thought they would. i feel like it's not going to be that simple#and i just wish fans of all sides would kind of chill out on the characters lmao#jwct#chaos theory#jwct s2 spoilers#brooklynn jwct#jwct season 2 spoilers#dinostar#kenlynn#kenji kon#darius bowman#jurassic world
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l1li4n · 2 months ago
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i think about them every. single. day.
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camellcat · 2 months ago
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sometimes I think about dawn being like. she IS it takes a village child. except the village fucking sucks and is not equipped to raise her in the slightest bit
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laurmaus · 18 days ago
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all my pdh s2 doodles i need u guys to keep in mind i didnt know All That was gonna happen😭😭😭😭
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#I FEEL SO BAD BRO HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO PREDICT THAT CRAZY ASS DATE#aphmau#phoenix drop high#aphverse#aphmau mystreet#ein mystreet#aphmau pdh#kai pdh#im not tagging everyone thats too much just jnow i love them all#SORRY KAIS HAIR LOOKS DIFFERENT IN EVERU DRAWING I COULDNT FIGURE OUY HOW I WANTED JT TO LOOK☹️☹️#U guys should have seen my face when ein was revealed to be Evil bro Jaw Dropped i was mad as hell like WTF WAS THAT#KAI ESPECIALLY THAT HURT SO BADD BRO I LOVED KAI I EVEN MADR HIM A FIGURE SKATER LIKE ME Like that was literally my Friend😭#ive geniuenly Ranted and written so much about this in my notes app i HATE how kai was treated at the end there Bro idgaf THEY LITERALLY#CHANGED HIS ENTIRE PEROSNALITY ALLL BHIS VALUES Mr ''learning about other people is a wonderful thing''Jessicaaa😞😞#I THOIGHT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL TO LIKE CONTRAST THE PREVIOUS SEASON LIKE WOW here's a guy that geniuenly Cares too ESPECIALLY SINCE#HE ​Gives her examples of things she's said in the past things specific to HER that he Knows in his MIND like a GOOD FRIEND!!!#IN THE SAME EPISODE!!!!!! AM I CRAZY LIKE ACTUALLY WHAT AM I MISSING HERE#Guys Om sorry i know he comes back in a later season of mystreet or whatever and is Weird but like im only on love lovenparadise rn i cant#deal wirh Whatever happens thats Seperate Ok im a Pdh defender exclusively#i have so many more thoughts but like im lowkey Done these have been in my gallery for so long i was too scared to post after finishing the#season but like whateverrrr sorry for rambling goodbue❤️#awesome
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c-t-r-l14 · 11 months ago
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This Audio Is SICKENING.
Ya’ll—I don’t even know where to begin.
When I tell you that I physically FLINCHED upon seeing Alex’s face in the thumbnail, the way my heart started beating, the way I started SHAKING while putting my AirPods in—you guys would’ve thought that I’ve gotten some terrible news or something. And—I don’t even know what’s CRUELER—the fact that Saku posted this audio on April Fools day, making us go back and forth between “is this cannon?” or “nah, this is definitely a joke!” Or him making it all lovey dovey at first, giving us a false sense of security—waiting for us to finally let our guard down so he could get ready to strike. But I do know that it broke me, and made me feel for listener even more.
I think one of the biggest reasons why it broke me so much was because we can see how much listener blames themselves. How much they think the breakup is all their fault.
And you can see how much its impacted them.
You see the thing with Alex is that he is really, really bad with communication. He’s rather quiet about how he feels, and doesn’t voice it out loud. A person like this—who doesn’t talk about their own feelings, who’d rather stay silent—usually are alone with their own thoughts. And that’s when things get rocky, especially in a relationship. One of the things that I noted in the break up audio (besides all the gaslighting, manipulation, and reality distortion), was the fact that Alex has had that argument on his mind ever since it happened, and not ONCE has he said something about it until the day they broke up. He was alone with his thoughts the entire time up to that point—mulling over the argument, his feelings, his future—and I feel like him doing this, instead of actually talking to listener to see how things can work out deadass lead him to believing that they couldn’t be together, which lead him to not tell them about the job offer until the very last minute. I wholeheartedly believe that if he sat down with them, and told them—“hey, I know you said sorry, but I still feel like shit because you made me feel this way,” if the thoughts got to be too much, then maybe things would’ve been better. But he didn’t—and just like listener, he assumed the worst, and on top of that— gave up without even trying to fight for the person he claimed to love so much. Instead, all he did was make excuses, act hypocritically, gaslight them, and blame them for everything—all the while not realizing that there was a whole bunch of things HE could’ve done better too.
And we can see how much it took a toll on listener—considering the fact that they were ridden with so much guilt that can’t even sleep well at night.
I can feel how much they hate themselves through Alex’s words as he tore into them, and this is honestly partly Alex’s fault, because he reduced them to a mistake they made. Dream Alex (who will now be referred to as DA from now on) was taunting listener—and throwing the words Alex said to them during the break up back to them. He kept on reminding them of their mistakes, and that THEY are the reason why he left. He kept on reminding them of the worst parts of themselves—and that’s high key what Alex did during the break up too. I feel like we all need to acknowledge that what DA said to listener in this audio is most definitely not a reflection of the way the real Alex would talk and act—simply because DA is a figment of listener’s imagination. And since listener is filled with so much hurt and heartbreak right now, of course their own guilt and self hatred is going to distort how things operate in their mind. So, let’s not take the things he has said at face value.
Listener has a lot to work on. Their trust issues left a wound that ran deeper than they initially thought. In a way, they are too much in their own head as well—and do end up going to the worst case scenario, and this behavior stems from the trauma they sustained from their former partner. This leads them to do irrational things, like invading Alex’s privacy and accusing him of stuff that only happened in their head.
Both of them have a lot of shit they need to work on. Alex needs to learn how to actually talk about how he feels, learn how to take accountability for the things he’s done wrong, and maybe grow a damn backbone, and listener needs to go get some damn therapy, get their trust issues sorted out, and learn all the facts before they come at people with any assumption they might have about them. I feel like this dream was kind of the point where listener realizes that they simply just can’t let their relationship end like this, because through this dream sequence, they realize that there was still a lot of stuff that was left unsaid, and are now seeking for some closure. I think now it’s the best time to go for it, considering that Alex apparently didn’t go to NYC and stayed in London instead (this is still very much unclear). And I am hoping and praying that his ass has the same nightmare listener had as well. Listener can’t be the only one who has a wake-up call (pun intended).
Their downfall was caused because these two idiots don’t know how to convey their emotions to each other properly. They could’ve had it all if one just actually opened their damn mouth to speak, and the other would just simply think before they open theirs.
This confrontation can go two ways: they cut each other loose and go about their own lives, or they find a way to make it work, (granted that they are BOTH willing to work on themselves).
Do I think their relationship is a lost cause? I don’t know. Something tells me that this probably isn’t the end, and a part of me (as much as I talk shit about how much I want listener to be an absolute bad bitch and leave him to drown in his regret), doesn’t want it to be the end.
With this being said, I still don’t like Alex. It’s gonna take much more than a damn walk down memory lane with a bizarre, brutal, dream version of him to get me to like him again.
Oh and by the way, Saku if you’re reading this—sleep with one eye open tonight.
Masterlist
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angelnumber27 · 8 months ago
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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yrlocalghost · 3 months ago
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you know. i feel like chara is obviously a very complex character and has a lot of problems and a lot going on, but i always thought that the fact that the whole wanting to kill people from their village was like. not that bad. in and of itself.
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gooperts-gunk · 1 year ago
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me when the doomed yaoi is actually doomed. im so upset give them back (this post is about 4halo)
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qoldenskies · 2 hours ago
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nah because why are they always threatening to kick donnie off the team in canon 😭 he only tried to change their personalities twice he learned his lesson ☹️
LMAO its probably just a running joke that doesnt mean anything (especially because donnie is NOT insecure about his place on the team by any means, im sure he knows for sure they're just bullshitting), theyre meaner to leo in other ways more regularly dw about it
#ask#like in canon they can bs all they want but theyre immediately his biggest fans when he brings out his tech its adorable actually#joke that they will never make again in cc though!#its a thing thats just funny in canon but being cc brained is gonna make you go Ouhhhhh...... erm#i do think it kind of pounds in the way in CL that he didnt see anything wrong with the escalating behavior#because badly timed jokes could already upset him sometimes and they do this all the time#boiling frog kind of situation#and no matter how much they joked about it. donnie KNEW they didnt mean it#after being benched im sure he went back and recontextualized all of those jokes. even though his first assumption was correct#pre-curse#it was just mentioned in this latest chapter he did it with his infodumping :')#it took very little for him to think that they ACTUALLY disliked it and werent just playing around#lmao the grief they're feeling in cc is pretty understandable because they're never going to be lighthearted like that-#-with donnie again either. and that's DEFINITELY something they're going to miss#well. maybe one day. but it's going to be so gentle and toothless#compared to before#in the same way donnie went back and recontextualized those jokes ... they did too#not believing they actually meant them. but instead believing that donnie did take them personally. that they HURT more than they did#its hard to verify that from the source himself with how little he remembers of it#how little he trusts remembering how he felt#and ''it was just a joke'' is a very loaded thing in general
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agentark · 2 years ago
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whatever you do, don't imagine a young J Corvin waiting every day at the end of their drive, hoping today is the day the mail carrier finally brings a letter from their very best friend
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witheredgardenparty · 2 months ago
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Every now and then I see the discourse circulate on this hellsite, and I wonder if people know that the term 'yandere' used to have an extremely specific definition that no longer holds up to how people use it today
#I'm old enough to remember the original 'yangiri' discourse someone help me.#I don't have answers for this okay it's one of those things where if enough time and people change the definition of something there's not#much can be done about it. This isn't a call to action or anything. Just an old person talking from a rocking chair.#There's a reason I call what I write 'soft' but it's actually a lot closer to 'classic'.#Anyway that very specific original definition was something like: “so in love it made them sick”#Which often got interpreted as “insecure” or “overprotected” depending on the genre.#A big part of the ending would be either the yan killing themself; their competition; or -- and this is not a joke--#“true love would cure them”#(I don't like that one. I like it when the darling manipulates their yan but that's my personal predilection.)#You can see why some authors might play that for laughs instead of drama#in a uhhhhh sitcom-ish kind of way. Overbearing wife. Guard dog husband. Be careful. He bites.#Anyway the whole “yans hurting their darlings” wasn't unheard of but it wasn't common either? It was an outburst at the world#not an outburst at the love interest. Why won't they just let us be together? I'll make them! They can't get in between us!#At least hurting the darling wasn't the point. Yans aren't meant to be a 1 to 1 for being in an abusive relationship.#It's more about what if someone has too many emotions for one person and they're overflowing.#I dunno. Whenever I hear younger yan fans talk about it it's like “don't quote the scripture at me” kind of feeling#“That's not what yandere is” I was into yandere before you could read. Back when we had dial-up. Leave me alone in my retirement home.#And this is not a kink shaming thing if you're into the whole show of force because of whatever horror-based reason that's your thing#I get it. I really do. But this one is an actual rant about missing the point of the original text:#The whole thing about breaking legs to keep someone around actually meant something when it was a teenage girl trying to dominate a much#larger boy or man. When it's a man doing it to a girl it looses the meaning of the text. Like I get that for most people that's not what#they're going for. But the original usage was doing something. It was supposed to make the powerful feel powerless.#(and to remind people teenage girls are terrifying)#Cricket is Chirping 🦗
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lialovesstuff · 27 days ago
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It feels like yesterday that the first episode of boonboomger aired 🥺🥺
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l1li4n · 6 months ago
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rain always makes me think of brocedes
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acourtofquestions · 3 months ago
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Chapter 89
I just finished Chapter 89
#I just finished Chapter 89… I don’t know what else to say… I have a lot to say… but… like… no. Just no.#Kingdom of Ash spoilers in tag and I guess kinda post but not really#90s only gonna hurt more with Abraxos & Narene & I hate reading reactions & Dorian’s not there & Manon my love like what do we do now what#first read#reading reacts#live updates#read with me#cry with me die with me idk cause why with me all I have now is bad rhymes cause my brain has been evaporated too (too soon?)#read along#Chapter 89#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah Jessica Maas why did you do this to me#I miss ACOTAR where no one dies#I mean it’s well written#and I’m fangirl heartbroken#but also real world crying#cathartic read world grief Maasverse moments and love and loving and hope and destruction and despair and fangirling and feels and agh#this better have a happy ending#I can’t keep calm but I guess I’ll read on#I don’t know the last time a book made me actually cry this much and broke my heart so deeply… I miss you already Asterin… Vesta… Sorrel… 13#stupid tag letter count cut off stopping me from listing them all but my loves … always … until the darkness claims us… and even then…#I am not okay#I am dead inside#I will never recover#KoA actually stands for Killed Off All of my soul that’s what the KOA part means#SARAH WHAT DID YOU DO#I wish I could hug fictional characters#haven’t finished the book yet just the chapter that finished me#once 13 always 13#I prefered live Fenrys since it ACTUALLY INVOLVED LIVING
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