#i missed my bus so we drove to catch it that was funny

[gemkun]

good morning to everyone especially ratio’s fiancé 🥰🥰

[unravelingsofastar]

Sipping Nostalgia (9/26/24)

It’s 1:12am, and tonight is the first night that I will be able to sleep, as the last two have been spent working on a large-scale art project. As tired as I am and as little sleep as I’ve gotten, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go to bed. 

Last night while I was working, I suddenly felt really sad. I miss home a lot. Before, I don’t feel like I heard much about how lonely college can be. Of course, I’ve made friends and in fact I was with one of them last night, but I still can’t help but feel lonely. I miss getting Braum’s with my friend and driving in her car. I miss being in my high school art room with my favorite teacher and my other friends. I miss working on mine and my friend’s Sally Face fanzine. I miss laughing with my mom. I miss my dogs. I miss my hometown, which is funny because I wanted to get out for so long.

I guess this is the blog where I will talk about memory. Something that’s been on my mind is the taste of certain drinks and how when I drink them I remember specific points in my life.

Whenever I drink Folgers coffee I think of being in 7th grade, just when I was really becoming friends with my now best friend. I wanted to be cool and drink an ‘adult drink,’ so I drank it loaded with creamer. It was really cold outside and my first class was art. My art teacher drove a bus so he was usually late to unlock the door, so we would either wait in the cold outside his room or in the middle school building.

Ultra Peachy Keen Monster Energy tastes like the summer of 2022, like listening to only Insane Clown Posse. I had a rampant caffeine addiction and I spent most of the summer at my first (and still only) boyfriend’s house. I don’t like disclosing the information that they’re the only partner I’ve had, because I am 18 and most of the people I have talked to have been in multiple relationships by now. I don’t catch feelings very easily. It’s been over a year and a half since we broke it off and since I last spoke to him. It ended off with a hug and an I love you. As hard as that relationship was, sometimes I still miss him. Last I heard they were sleeping with a guy they hated when we were together. I hope they’re okay. I hope I never see them again.

Strawberry Melon Brisk tastes like the later months of 2022, the early mornings spent in my vo tech school. As lonely as I was and as much frustrated as I was at the instructor, I still miss it sometimes.

Apple cider still tastes like December 5th, 2022. I had never really drank cider before that night. My ex and I were celebrating a year together by looking at Christmas lights, and we bought some cider to share. That night was hard for a handful of reasons. My mind was fuzzy for that entire month so I don’t remember a whole lot of it. I can’t bring myself to regret it though. Apple cider is still one of my favorite drinks.

My best friend works at Braum’s, so sometimes in the mornings she would pick me up for our vo tech class in February of this year and drive us to get cherry limeades (with extra cherry syrup) from her work. These were fun mornings. Sometimes after class and on our way back to highschool, we would get Dr. Pepper freezes too. We listened to a lot of P1Harmony, because it was her car and that’s what she was into.

The blue Gatorade Frost tastes like this last March. I was fixated on the game Sally Face and playing MarioKart esports because one of my friends asked me to. I was reading a lot of fanfiction and in a comfortable place mentally.

I miss everyone tonight.

(9/26/24)

[labelleofbelfastcity]

fig and gorgug’s excellent adventure

word count: 1.7k

read on ao3 here!

“Bill, my most esteemed colleague…”

Fig looks over at a quietly snoring Gorgug, his face softly lit by the shadows of Bill and Ted on her crystal. Even after a year of knowing each other, a few months of which were spent in a cramped cell together, she hadn’t known he snores. It had never been quiet enough, she had never been quiet enough, to notice that about him.

If Fig focuses, she can feel the rumble of the tour bus against her back, and, if she leans her head against the metal wall by her shoulder, the vibrations of tires over asphalt rattle around in her skull. They’ve only been on the road for a week, with just two concerts under their belts, and Fig is already kind of exhausted.

It’s a lot. The managers and the calls home and the makeup assignments for missed schoolwork. She probably wouldn’t even be doing the latter, but Gorgug spends his allotted midmorning time sitting at their extremely tiny table, with papers of Barbarian Theory and Engineering 1 scattered around him, and she’d feel like an asshole to just watch.

Fig hasn’t been sleeping well, either. The little bunk seems to press in around her, shoving her into an even smaller version of herself. Which feels stupid to complain about, because Gorgug is over a foot taller than her, since his growth spurt over the summer, and he’s sleeping just fine.

As if to prove her point, Gorgug shifts in his sleep, curling closer into Fig’s side. It’s just past one in the morning, and they have a gig tomorrow so Fig should really be sleeping too, but she’d felt like crying, for some reason, alone in her bunk. She’d crawled into Gorgug’s, instead, and pulled up Bill and Ted while he blinked blearily at her. It didn’t take him much longer to fall back asleep—now with his arm tucked around Fig’s shoulders—and Fig continues to hide from her emotions by watching Ted philosophize.

“Hey, Gorgug,” Fig hisses, burrowing her head into his chest in a way she knows will stick him with her horns. “Gorgug.”

“Hrmgh,” he grumbles, shifting more so that Fig can’t really poke him anymore. “Go to sleep.”

“No. Gorgug, hey. Come on, dude, I have an idea.” She doesn’t, really, more the idea of an idea, just like how Bill and Ted only operate on negative brian power and a pretty homoerotic bromance.

Homoerotic. She must’ve texted Kristen too much yesterday.

“Sleep is my idea,” Gorgug says, but it’s more of a sigh and a yawn wrapped up together and stretched like a yawning cat.

Fig’s brain unhelpfully supplies an image of sleepy Riz—ears cocked all funny and pupils absolutely giant. She shoves it back into the little chest lovingly marked “Bad Kids” that she’d constructed the second they drove away from Elmville because Fig is great at compartmentalizing and hiding her feelings. Totally.

“I’m bored, I want to do my idea.”

“You’re watching Bill and Ted.”

“No, I’m not. I’m talking to you.”

“Then stop talking to me and go to sleep.”

Fig huffs, about to say something just into the realm of mean, but then she feels Gorgug smile against the top of her head, and she relaxes a little.

“What’s your idea?” He asks, still sleepy, but also endearing in that goofy and sweet Gorgug way.

There’s a pause, while Fig tries to come up with her idea. The bus trundles along and Bill and Ted continue to kidnap historical figures. Finally, she says, much quieter than is warranted, like it’s some big secret she’s been holding close to her heart, “I’m gonna find a chronomancer so we can go back in time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug yawns again.

“Absolutely not, Augefort doesn’t have Rufus energy.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Maybe not a chronomancer, then, but like, someone who’s fucked with time, ya know. It would be cool to hang out with someone who’s fucked with time.”

“Like Augefort?” Gorgug says, before amending, “No. Wait. Rufus.”

“Yeah, Rufus,” Fig agrees. “Except if Rufus were hot, I think it would be more fun if our Rufus was hot.”

“Rufus is already hot. He’s got… sunglasses.”

Fig giggles and Gorgug snorts too. “You need your eyes checked, dude.”

“We watched the,” he yawns, “the Matrix last month. That’s what you said about Neo.”

“Uh. Neo is Keanu Reeves so just, automatically hot. Which. Speaking of. Bill and Ted are right there, dude.”

Gorgug laughs, quietly, voice still gummy with sleep, as he pokes her gently in the side, “I thought you liked older men.”

Fig makes a face that is very scandalized and very affronted. “That doesn’t mean I like Rufus.”

Gorgug shrugs, as best he can while in cuddle-mode. “I don’t know…”

Fig huffs and whacks him on the arm. “Maybe we should go to sleep.”

“Works for me,” he says, and settles back down.

“Hey. Hey! Don’t go back to bed, Gorgug. I’m still talking.”

He grumbles and turns his head even further into hers, trying to shield his eyes from the crystal’s light. “Watch your movie.”

“This is our movie, Gorgug. It’s ours.”

“It’s too late for it to be ‘our’ anything.”

“You’re no fun, you know that? No fun.”

“I’m sorry,” Gorgug says, way too sincerely for her to continue down that line of teasing.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. You’re tired, I should let you rest.”

Gorgug’s hand moves where it’s on her shoulder, rubbing over her sleep shirt, and then pausing, “Hey, is this mine?”

“Um,” Fig says, because it is, in fact, his. He’d left one of his Owlbears t-shirts on a chair, right after they unpacked all their stuff onto the tour bus, and she’d thought about it for approximately three seconds before snatching it and chucking it at her pile of clothes.

That first night, neither her nor Gorgug had gotten any sleep, sitting on the floor of the bus between their bunks, anxiously going over lyric and style choices for the next night’s show. So the shirt had waited until after their first concert, when both of them had been too tired to do much more than change out of sweaty, smoke-filled clothes and fall into their respective beds. It had smelled comfortingly of the Thistlesprings’ homemade fabric softener, but Fig’s varying states of cleanliness have not helped the smell stick around.

Now, though, cuddled up against Gorgug’s chest, she doesn’t miss the shirt’s smell. It’s nothing compared to the real thing.

“It’s okay if you took it,” Gorgug says, cracking a small smile. “It looks better on you anyway.”

“Since when do you have an eye for fashion, Mr. Hoodies-In-Summer?”

He reaches around and pokes her on the cheek, “Hey, my hoodies are a catch for women ages thirteen to twenty-eight.”

“We did sell, like, a literal ton last night,” Fig says, snorting.

There’s a lull in the conversation. Bill and Ted shred some sick air guitar.

“...It’s a little weird,” Gorgug says, eventually, in that introspective tone of his that promises paternal questioning.

“What is?”

“That we’re sophomores in high school and have so many people, like, caring about us. Or, I mean, watching us. Like, I guess we’re famous, or something? That’s weird.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I guess I never thought about it like that.” Fig’s been too caught up in the whole being famous thing to think about what it means for her, a fifteen year old, to be famous. She isn’t a fan of thinking about it, actually, and decides to put it off even further. This is why Gorgug’s the thoughtful, considerate one.

“That’s probably why you’re better at songwriting than I am,” Gorgug muses. “You just do what feels right.”

Fig shifts a little, so she can look at him better, his features cast in the shifting colors of the crystal. “Dude, that’s like all drumming is. Like, just playing your emotions and not overthinking it. And you’re literally the world’s best drummer.”

“Oh,” Gorgug laughs, “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You are. What other teenager gets to go on a tour while they’re still in high school?”

“Um. The Jonas Brothers?”

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you compare our music to the Jonas Brothers again I will stab you with my horns.”

“I really don't think they’re poky enough to do that—”

“Stab, Gorgug. With force. You wouldn’t like it.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll take your word for it.”

“Wo-ah,” Ted says, on the crystal.

“Wicked,” Bill chimes in.

“What if we talked like them at our next concert?” Fig asks, “Just come out with full Bill and Ted voices and keep them up the whole show.”

“That sounds… hard.”

“No, it would be fun! Like, um,” Fig switches into the voice, drawing out her vowels and smiling dumbly, “we’ll totally get babes like this, dude.”

“You can get princess babes,” Gorgug says. “I’ve got Zelda. That’s basically the same thing.”

“Oh my god, you’re too cute,” Fig burrows closer to him, back in her usual voice.

She can tell Gorgug’s blushing by the bashful tone of his silence. “Um, thanks. I should probably call her tomorrow.”

“Do you mind if I join too? I really like her, she’s nice. And sick as hell.”

“Yeah, that would be fun! We can show her our set, maybe.”

“Totally! If school wasn’t on right now we could’ve brought her along.”

“I don’t know, wouldn’t that, like, Beatles us?”

“Did you seriously just mention another boy band? Also, beyond that, did you use the Beatles as a verb?”

“Er.”

“Sometimes, I wonder how you ever made it into the punk-rock scene. And then I remember that I invited you.”

“Thanks for doing that,” Gorgug says, wrapping his other arm around Fig’s shoulders. “I never really said it before, but, thank you. This has, um, it’s meant a lot to me.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, dude.”

“It’s, like, kind of everything right now, Fig.”

“Oh.”

“So, I guess, um, thank you. For inviting me to join a band with you and taking me on tour.”

“I, uh… Of course. Thanks for being my drummer, Gorgug. I’ll always take you on my adventures.”

“And I’ll always go with you.”

Bill says, “Excellent,” on the crystal screen, smiling at Ted with big eyes.

Yeah, Fig thinks, as Gorgug sighs and smiles into the top of her head. Excellent.

[artificialqueens]

On The Ground (Rosénali) - Moonshot

A/N: So… Guess who is back after a year of not writing fics? Yours truly! What can I say? Rosénali is that powerful of a ship. As always, I hope eveyone enjoys this fic. Feel free to let me know what you think… Who knows, there might be a follow up to this little fluff in the future! Little side note: this is a lesbian au where most of the s13/s12 girls appearing are cis-female, however Mik is still a trans man in the fic.

Summary: The diner girl!Denali x street singer!Rosé AU based on Blackpink’s Rosé’s solo music that nobody asked for!

ao3 link https://archiveofourown.org/works/30267687

Denali stared at the round clock above the entrance of the diner.

4:57 PM. 

Three more minutes until her shift was over.

Three more minutes until the girl who had been a fixed character in her dreams would come from around the corner, set up her guitar, greet the passersby before starting her set for the evening like she did every Wednesday.

“So, gorge, are you going to ask the champagne girl out today, or are you just going to keep on creepily staring at her from afar?”, her coworker, Kade - or as everyone called him, Mik - appeared next to her with an empty tray.

“Her name is Rosé, not champagne girl!”, Denali rebutted, “and also, for the record, I don’t just… stare. I just happen to like appreciating her set without bothering her! It’s not like she was flirting with me that one time”.

“Did I just hear our Nali denying her crush on that pink-haired singer, again?”, Olivia, who was busy running the cash register, chimed in.

“Girl, I think we should start betting against her and maybe we’ll make more money than what they can pay us here!”, Mik joked as he washed some of the dishes in the sink.

The black-haired girl rolled her eyes, ignoring her two best friends and focusing on the performer’s much-anticipated arrival.

Denali didn’t believe in love at first sight but after the first time Rosé and her guitar had shown up on the other side of the road from Tamisha’s Diner, she couldn’t think about anything else. 

There was just something about the other girl that had the Alaskan girl enamored.

The first - and so far only - time she had talked to Rosé was out of necessity as the other girl and who she assumed were her two best friends - the diner girls had dubbed them ‘Pastel Powerpuff girls’ - had decided to dine in just as Denali’s shift at the register had started.

“Hi! Did you enjoy our diner?”, the skater had put on her best smile, not quite able to meet the gaze of the taller girl as she typed out the receipt.

“Oh, sure, the skating gig is cute, the food’s great, and the service… isn’t too bad either,” Denali could see from the corner of her eye the smirk on the pink-haired girl.

“Rosie! Quit flirting with every cute girl that breathes and hurry up or Jan and I are leaving you here, the Uber is going to be here in 2 minutes!”, the blue-haired girl went on with the other girl in the friend group while ‘Rosie’ rolled her eyes at them.

“Sorry about Lagoona, she has the tact of an elephant on rollerskates,” the taller girl joked.

“O-Oh, no problem. So, your total is 20,04$, will you be paying in cash or card? Also, are you splitting the bill?”

“Since dumb and dumber over there already left, I’ll just pay everything with my card,” she replied taking out her purse and taking out her credit card, “here you go, angel”.

Denali tried her best not to blush at the sudden pet name, maintaining her on-the-clock persona as she brought out the card reader. She quickly finished up the operation and handed the pink-haired girl her card back with the receipt, “I just need a quick signature here and you’re free to go to your friends”.

‘Rosie’ scribbled down her signature - she learned her actual name was Rosé, classy yet slightly worrying - and left a tip for her. 

A 10$ tip for her.

“Gorge, she left you a 10$ tip, she was basically asking for your hand in marriage”, Mik reminded her, his eyes darting around the half-empty diner. 

He nodded his head to his left where Denali saw another one of her co-workers sharing a milkshake with her girlfriend, giggling like teenagers, “I’m just saying. If Utica managed to end up dating that self-proclaimed ebony enchantress over there, you got a chance with wine girl”, he ended with his trademark L.A vocal fry.

Denali knew Mik had a point, but as she was about to reply, she heard the familiar sound of a guitar starting a new song. Her eyes glanced back at the clock.

5:14 PM

Damn, she had missed the beginning of the set.

The Alaskan girl didn’t lose any more time as she clocked out, skates still on her feet as she zoomed out of the diner.

“Aaaaand she’s gone!”, Olivia commented, turning her head to Mik, “Do you think this time is the good one?”

“Well, if she doesn’t finally go after her, I might as well go after her myself!”

Denali reached the usual crowd that had already formed around Rosé, trying her best to blend in and not be seen by the singer while still getting a good view of the set.

“Well, aren’t you guys a lovely crowd!”, the pink-haired singer smiled as she got ready for the next song, “I’ve got one last song for today and this is going to be the first time I’ll be performing it, so, don’t hate it too much!”, she chuckled as she checked her guitar before turning her head back to the mic stand, “This is On The Ground, I’m Rosé and I hope you’ve enjoyed the set! Feel free to drop your tips in the guitar case!”

Denali couldn’t take her eyes off Rosé when she heard the guitar’s first chord paired with the honey-like vocals.

My life’s been magic seems fantastic

I used to have a hole

in the wall with a mattress

It’s funny when you want it

Suddenly you have it

You find out that your gold’s just plastic

The black-haired girl quickly pulled out her phone, opened her voice memo app, and hit record. She wanted to treasure the magic Rosé’s voice brought. 

What she failed to notice while she was so into the song was a pair of hazel eyes settling on her as the song reached its climax.

A couple of days later, Denali had just finished with her teaching job at the local ice rink when she spotted Olivia on the railings. 

“The suspicious lack of a certain pink-haired girl makes me think that you still haven’t asked her out” she heard the younger girl say as she skated her way to her.

“You’ll never let it go, won’t you, Liv?”

“Not when I see that you like her and, from what I’ve seen, she is at least interested in you. Mik tried to ask her out yesterday after your shift was over,” the other girl replied.

Denali furrowed her brows, “Wait, he was serious about asking her out? I thought he was just joking!”

“If you don’t act on your cute pink crush, you can’t expect everyone else to stop for you,” Olivia reasoned, “if it’s of any help, Mik did say that, and I quote ‘she didn’t want a piece of this fine ass’”, she finished, air quoting their co-worker.

“To be honest, the dude’s barely got an ass compared to me,” Denali muttered, but her best friend managed to catch it.

“Well, as Symone said, you do have a fat ass,” Olivia commented, causing both of them to laugh out loud.

She continued, “Point still stands though, you gotta do something or you might just end up regretting not doing anything about it”.

The dark-haired girl sighed, “I know, I’m just… scared to get hurt because she seems so cool and unreachable, and I’m just so… me?”, she confessed, resting her arms on the rails.

“Give it a chance, Nali,” Olivia replied, laying her hand on the skater’s arm and giving it a gentle squeeze, “And just in case, if she fucks you over, we’ll just unleash Kandy on her!”, she added, making Denali chuckle.

“Girl, if she knew you said that…”

“She would do absolutely nothing because she’s too busy chasing after that Joey guy”, she didn’t miss a beat with her reply, giving her a knowing look, “Almost forgot to ask, are you coming later to the club with the others?”

Denali shook her head, “No, sorry. I don’t feel like clubbing today, I’ll just skate a bit more and then go home to watch some Netflix”.

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, “You do you, girl. But think about what I said, okay?”

She gave her best friend a small smile, “Thanks, Liv. See you at work?”

The younger girl nodded and left Denali to her thought as she exited the room. The black-haired skater turned her head back to the rink, noticing that only a few people were left on the ice. 

She took a deep breath, putting her earbuds back in and looking through her phone to decide on what song to use for her last routine of the day. Her eyes fell on the voice memo app, immediately reminding herself of the recording she had taken just a few days prior. She hadn’t even listened to it since she had recorded it.

It wasn’t a clean recording, she could hear the sounds of the city and the people around her, but she closed her eyes and focused on Rosé’s voice, letting it guide her. 

The music fully took her over as she performed her usual stunts.

I’m way up in the clouds

And they say I’ve made it now

But I figured it out

Everything I need is on the ground

She found herself in the center of the rink, the bridge of the song was blasting in her ears. She smiled to herself as she started to spin, gradually picking up speed while Rosé’s high notes were all she could focus on.

Just drove by your house

So far from you now

But I figured it out

Everything I need is on the

Everything I need is on the ground

The recording stopped abruptly, she remembered how she had to bolt away, almost missing her bus home. 

Denali could hear her heavy breathing, suddenly aware again that she wasn’t alone. But she had made up her mind.

She was going to talk to Rosé the following Wednesday. 

That Wednesday the diner was busier than usual, giving Denali barely a moment to think, let alone realize she was missing Rosé’s set outside.

She glanced at the clock.

5:26 PM

Shit.

She turned her head and looked outside the diner’s big windows and saw that the pink-haired girl was starting to gather her things.

“Miss Iman just left, go to her! We’ll cover for you and we are not letting you get back in unless you got a date!”, Olivia said quietly enough for just her to hear.

Denali couldn’t help the grin spreading across her face. She grabbed some of the tips that she had made before she bolted outside, faintly hearing the cheering of her friends.

As she reached Rosé on the other side of the road, the singer’s back was facing her, she didn’t seem to have noticed Denali yet.

The black-haired girl took a deep breath, just like she had done on the ice rink, and let the tips fall into the still open guitar case.

The noise of falling change was what made Rosé turn around, a surprised look on her face as she registered Denali’s face.

“Denali?”

Gosh, she could hear the other girl say her name all day.

Wait.

“How do you know my name?”, Denali asked slightly confused.

Rosé didn’t reply but simply pointed at the waitress’s chest.

Oh, right. The nameplate on her uniform.

“That and also I tend to remember a pretty face when I see one,” she added, now her attention fully on the shorter girl.

“Oh, yeah, right”, she fidgeted awkwardly, not knowing where to look, “Uhm, I just wanted to say that you have a really beautiful voice. You can consider me your first fan when you make it big”.

Rosé smiled at her and Denali couldn’t help but notice how beautiful of a smile she had. 

The singer turned back to her stuff, shuffling things around and leaving the brunette to her thoughts. She wanted to ask the taller girl out but felt all her courage leave her body.

Way to go, Nali.

“Well, Uhm, I think I should-”, she started but she was stopped by the pink-haired girl, who had finished packing everything up.

“Here, this is for you”.

It was a jewel case cd, a picture of Rosé in a very 80s inspired attire on the cover with pink marker writing across the front.

‘To Denali

My first (and hopefully not last) fan

     Rosé xo’    

  It was signed with a small rose doodle next to Rosé’s name and, much to Denali’s surprise, a phone number along with the phrase ‘put it to good use’.

She looked up to find the other girl staring at her, her guitar case strapped on her back. She gave her a wink and started walking towards the subway.

Denali stood there for what felt like forever as she watched Rosé disappear in between the crowd of people roaming the streets. 

She looked back down at the cd, committing the number to memory. She turned around to look at the back, her eyes were drawn to the tracklist. 

She smiled when she saw On The Ground. 

Finally, she didn’t have to listen to a shitty phone recording to enjoy it. 

“Wait, what? You had recorded it all secretly and shady, mama?”

Rosé’s laugh filled the room as Denali tried to hide her face on the other girl’s bare chest.

“You’re an ass! I just wanted to use it for one of my skating routines”, she muttered, causing her girlfriend to laugh even harder.

“I find it cute that I’m not even famous and my music has already been pirated!” she commented, “I’m already halfway there to stardom, baby girl,” she added, kissing the top of Denali’s head.

The shorter girl groaned as she hid the increasing blush on her cheeks, rolling her body so that she was on top of the pink-haired girl.

“Well, miss Rosé, is it pirating if it was for personal pleasure only?”, Denali teased, running her hands upwards on the naked skin, slowly lowering herself until her face was inches away from her girlfriend’s.

She felt Rosé’s hands take a firm hold of her behind, “Oh angel, I’ll show you personal pleasure,” the singer replied, eliminating the little space left between their lips as Denali brought her hands to cup the older girl’s face.

Rethinking about those lyrics Rosé had written months prior, Denali knew she was right, she did have everything she needed on the ground.

It was to be right there with Rosé.

[spidersfanfics]

Let’s Make the Most of the Night

Eridan x Karkat | Valentine’s Day | Angst

Happy Valentine's Day! I'm a monster so I wrote some angst :D Eridan goes on a date with Karkat for their anniversary. That's all :)

"Happy anniversary, Kar." Eridan said softly, handing over a bouquet of red roses. "I got you some flowers. And before you ask, no it's not a jab at your blood color. They're red for flushed feelings," he chuckled.

The sun shined down brightly as birds overhead chirped cheerfully. Eridan's stomach growled and he laughed sheepishly, "Let's eat why don't we?" He reached over and grabbed the picnic basket that had been prepared for the occasion.

Eager to get started, Eridan dug into the basket, pulling out sandwiches, salad and a bottle of wine. "Yes, wine," Eridan said with a playful smile, "I know sandwiches aren't exactly gourmet but it's a special occasion. Alright? We go over this every year."

A pause.

"And every year I win, don't I Kar." Eridan laughed as he poured out the wine. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

As he dug into his food and sipped on his drink, he began to fall deep into thought. A look of reminiscing painted across his face as he relaxed.

"Do you remember our first date?" He asked, breaking the silence that had briefly fallen. He smirked and shook his head, "No come on, let me tell it. I know I do this every time but that's only because it's cute every time."

He set down his wine glass and leaned back. His eyes grew distant as he cast his mind back. "Alright, let's see."

~ ~ ~

It was nearing the end of winter. No, not quite spring yet. That first date didn't count for the anniversary day, they'd agreed on that ages ago.

Eridan was handling the cold just fine as a seadweller, but Karkat's mutant blooded self always found the season miserable.

"GOG IM FREEZING MY FUCKING GLOBES OFF OUT HERE", Karkat texted Eridan. He'd just gotten off of work that day and was waiting for the bus to take him home.

Eridan texted back a moment later, "Wwe could go get some coffee together if you'd like. Might help to wwarm you up."

Karkat hesitated only a second before agreeing, "FUCK IT, WHY NOT. YOU KNOW WHERE I AM."

"Great, I'll pick you up in a minute. Don't freeze to death wwaiting for me."

"HA HA VERY FUNNY. JUST HURRY UP."

True to his word, Eridan was there not long after and the two of them drove over to a nearby coffee shop. They ordered their drinks and were just about to pay when Eridan stopped Karkat.

"Wait, let me pay for the both of us."

Karkat raised an eyebrow at him but let it slide and the pair brought their drinks to an empty table, tucked away in a quiet corner. Karkat took a slow sip of the drink and winced at the sudden temperature change.

After a long moment, he spoke up. "So, tell me Ampora. Is this a date?"

Eridan nearly choked on his drink. His face flushed a violent violet and he spluttered, "I mean. I was kind of hoping, that is I was going to ask at the end if. Well, do you want it to be one?"

Karkat stared forward evenly for a long while before rolling his eyes, "Yeah whatever. Why ruin a good thing right? This is our first date."

"Ah," Eridan said weakly, still coughing slightly. "Lovely," He gave Karkat a wary smile. When Karkat returned it without a trace of mockery, his fins fluttered excitedly and he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Soon, they had both finished their drinks, as well as the slices of cake Eridan had insisted on buying for the two of them. "Well, I'd better head home for real now." Karkat said, gathering up their trash and sweeping it into a nearby garbage can.

"Yeah, do you need me to drive you?"

He shook his head and glanced at his watch, "There's a bus coming soon. I'll be fine." He paused then pulled Eridan into a hug, "Thanks for the food and drinks, Ampora. This was fun. Maybe we should do this again sometime."

When he pulled away, Eridan was blushing once more. "Yeah, we should," he agreed with a chuckle. He pulled his car keys out of his pocket and twirled them around his finger, "I'll see you around. Text me when you get home?"

"Sure," Karkat laughed and the two parted ways.

~ ~ ~

Eridan finished his reminiscing and his sandwiches at around the same time and he smiled lovingly. "The first of many lovely dates to come," he said.

He reached back towards the picnic basket and opened it up again. After some quick rummaging, he pulled out a couple of cupcakes. "They didn't have cake slices when I went this time but these are from that same coffee shop." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, "Is that too cheesy? I thought it would be a nice surprise."

He unwrapped one and took a bite before thinking once more of another story to tell. "Oh, well of course if we're going to talk about our past, we should talk about the day you asked me out." He laughed, "Still can't believe you beat me to it. That's why I insisted on being the one to propose you know. Oh but that's a whole other story."

As if fearing the silence, Eridan launched into yet another story.

~ ~ ~

"AMPORA, WE'RE STILL ON FOR OUR DATE TODAY RIGHT?"

Eridan smiled at yet another text from a familiar number.  "Of course wwe are," he texted back, "Same thing I told you the last thousand times you asked. In fact, I'm gettin' ready right noww. Evverythin alright?"

It didn't take long for the response, "YEAH YEAH EVERYTHINGS FINE. JUST MAKING SURE. ILL BE THERE SOON, DONT KEEP ME WAITING FISHDICK."

"As if I evver do," Eridan shot back with a laugh as he fixed his hair, "You wwound me." Despite his words, he still smiled warmly at his phone. They'd been going on regular dates for some time now and he'd already decided he'd ask Karkat to be his matesprite properly soon. He couldn't wait.

A few minutes later, the ringing of the doorbell alerted him to Karkat's arrival. He ran eagerly to the door and opened it with a wide smile. "How's that for quick, Kar," he teased.

Karkat scoffed but still handed Eridan white rose, "Here, gift for you."

"Charming," Eridan laughed as he slipped it into a vase he kept by the door for this very reason. "Now let's get going. We don't want to be late for our reservation."

The two drove over to a fancy restaurant where Eridan had booked a table for them to enjoy. And after a delicious dinner, they decided to go for a stroll through a nearby park.

As the night drew to a close, Karkat stopped Eridan before they could start heading back to his car. "Hey Ampora," he said, taking both of Eridan's hands.

"What's up Kar? You've gone all stiff."

Karkat cleared his throat awkwardly. "I've got something important to tell you," he said, "So shut the fuck up and don't ruin it."

Eridan raised an eyebrow but stayed silent as he was told and nodded at Karkat to continue.

"We've been going on these dates for some time now," Karkat said, speaking quickly as if to stop himself from chickening out. "And I was wondering if you'd want to be my matesprite. Properly and officially."

"You're kidding," Eridan said his jaw dropping. He scrambled to keep talking before Karkat could snap at him for the less than optimal answer. "No wait, yes, yes. I would love to be your matesprite," he laughed, "It's just that I was thinking of asking you out soon and here you are doing it first instead."

Karkat tried for an annoyed look but ended up laughing along anyway, "Yeah well, guess I'm just better than you like that."

~ ~ ~

Eridan sighed, leaning back on his hands. "You should have seen your face when you thought I was about to reject you," he laughed, wiping away a tear.  "As if I would ever be that stupid."

He shook his head, "No. Never. And so many good days came out of that one yes, didn't it? God remember moving in together? And our wedding?"

Taking just a second to catch his breath, Eridan started talking again. Telling story, after story, after story. Before long, evening had fallen. The food he'd brought was long gone and in fact it was nearly time for dinner.

"Well," Eridan said softly. He gathered up various wrappers and tupperware to throw back into the basket before standing up with a grunt. "Should probably head home now."

His voice wobbled as he lifted his hand to his mouth and blew a kiss at the grave before him. "I miss you," he said. Tears flowed freely now, trailing violet down his face. "I'm doing alright though," he managed. "Kanaya told me to say hi. Feferi too."

With a heavy sigh, Eridan picked up his things and turned to leave. "Until next year," he said, glancing back one last time.

A pity lowbloods always die so young.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

OPEN WOUNDS.

Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes x Reader

Anon asked: how about an imagine in which you an ez fight because of emily

Chapter index

Chapter three ; part one

Chapter three ; part two

Word count: 1.9k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. This is the part two of the third chapter, you can find the first part right over here . Gif credits: @angels-reyes.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ @sassymox @wrcn9fvlcver 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Your forearms are supporting on the door, with the open window, resting your cheek there. Closed eyes covered by the sunglasses feeling somewhat relaxed after pass away the welcome sign. Even so, you're pretty excited about meeting this town and meeting other bikers, part of the Mayans family. At the end, they turned you into family too. 

“Teller-Mo—”.

“MAAMAAAAAA”. EZ's voice gets interrupted by another more booming.

Lifting the sunglasses to the roots of your hair, drawing a huge and happy smile on the corner of your lips. As soon  as the car stop, you practically jump off from it to walk fast towards Angel, who is coming with open arms till he have you between them. It's been two days, but it's feels like an eternity. 

“Ezekiel scared me, going to the ranch at night! I thought something bad happened!” You say making some pouts.

“Nah!” He chuckles before letting you go, walking closer to the crew. But you don't see Taza, guessing his in a meeting when EZ carries the backpack inside the clubhouse.

Hugging your boys and being introduced to the Sons', you sit on Angel's lap at the picnic table.

“How was the travel?” Gilly asks having a smoke of his cigar. You shrug.

“I was sleeping till Lost Hills, and then I drove to Stockton. Everything went... good”. You don't want to give it more importance than it really has, but by Angel's gaze you know that he knows his brother screwed up at some points. “Hey, papi, I'm hungry”.

“Oh, really?” The oldest Reyes raise both eyebrows, playing again. That distract him. The guys at the table breaks in laughters.

“Yea'!” You poke his chest with your forefingers.

“Oka', let's find somethen' fo' mama”. Palming your hips to make you get up, he does the same holding your hand with his full of golden rings. “So, wha' did my brother say, ah? Maybe he's the smart one, bu' I'm not stupid”.

“It was nothen', Angel. We were laughing, and he just called me 'baby'. That's all”. He rolls his eyes with a snort, rubbing his forehead. Very typical. “But he took care of me pretty well, you already know how he is”.

He doesn't say anything else about it, leaving back the workshop to find some place where buy you some good food, to regain strength. Whilst he tells you about the party tonight, one of those legendary SOA do with a lot of meat, alcohol, girls and drugs, even if Mayans aren't into this last one more than to sell it. In the end, it's a party and it's gonna help you to calm yourself a little more.

See Taza again, coming back of eating something, makes you fully happy running towards him to be received by his strong arms, pushing you close to him. You missed him, and he did it too. You can feel it pretty well when the man fills your face with a lot of kisses, walking next to Tranq and Bishop.

“All good, kid?” The president asks, giving you a flash hug and leaving a caress on your chin, you nod, being dearly surround by Hank. “If you need to sleep, the Sons' has prepared you a dorm, okay?”

“Good, but I slept in the car. Maybe fo' late”. You reply palming the big guy's chest with a soft smile.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

The guys break in laugh, so you do mixed between Mayans and Sons', lying on Angel's lap with the fifth beer you have drunk in your hands. They're talking about funny and unbelievable anecdotes happened through the years. Having a good time for the first time in many months, being also a little drunk. 

“So, wha'bout my friend Taza and ya', lass? Do ya' have some kink fo' geriatrics or mummies?” Chibs, the SOA president ask, provoking more loud laughs.

“We're more into family stuff”. You shake your head, getting comfy above Angel's leg. “I'm friend of those two shitty guys since ever, they introduce me to the club. And Che and I...” Pursing your lips, you twist a little your neck. “We had a connection. I live with him at the ranch and I take care of the animals”.

“Kinda grandpa, no incest”. The man adds, leaving a caress on your head.

“You're not that old!” You chuckle turning to him for a while.

“And what about your shitty guys?” A young woman walks towards your table, placing her hands on SOA Vice, licking his lips hinting. You raise an eyebrow.

“'Am taken for life”. EZ talks first, without doubting and a firm tone of voice, showing a soft and gently smile.

“But you can take me, bonita”. The tension installed on air for a second disappear when Angel replies, provoking some more laughs, making you getting up so he can have the offered hand by the woman. 

“Com'ere”. Taza says palming his lap, but you shake your head.

“I think it's time to sleep, I'm tired and I drunk enough”.

“Okay, I'll tell you where's your dorm”. He says then throwing his cigar to get up too.

“Good night, guys. Amazing party, president”.

“Whenever ya' need'at, here's your house, lady”. Chibs answers raising his whisky in a soft cheer.

Narrowing one of Bishop's shoulders, you smile at him, before being wrapped by Che guiding you towards the clubhouse. Crossing the hallways, he opens the last door, the furthest room, so that you are not disturbed by noise. Your bag is already there and you also have a bathroom in it, in case you want to take a shower.

“If you need something, call me, okay?” He says holding you into his arms, leaving a kiss on your temple. “It was good having you here. Maybe Bish will let you come with us next time”.

“That would be amazing”.

“Rest, baby girl, you deserve it”.

“Taza”. You say before he can close the main door. “Can you... ask EZ to come?”

He doesn't say anything, staring at you.

“Please... I'm gonna be okay, I promise. He's tired too”. Finally he nods.

You take some advantage, changing your clothes and wearing the SAMCRO big shirt they gave you, 'cause Angel said them that you collect shirts or something like. Everything spins around you, going to the window to open it and let in the fresh air of northern Cali. Getting inside the bed and covering your body with the blankets, you wait for the younger Reyes.

You hear his steps, stopping next to the door for some seconds. Maybe he's doubting. Maybe Che threatened again. But when he opens the door, you get up on your palms between the darkness around the dorm only illuminated by some lights outside.

“I thought you would like to sleep”.

“Yea', but I can sleep in the car”.

You click your tongue, palming the empty side of the bed, before getting comfy on it.

“C'mon, prospect”.

Ezekiel closing the door and walking towards the mattress, gets undressed leaving his clothes on a chair. You make him some space, facing each other above the pillow.

“You drunk too much”.

“Yea', I know... The hangover is gonna fuck me up tomorrow, uh”.

“When was the last time you drunk so much, ah?”

“Dunno'. Three months ago?”

“Yea'course. Sorre'bout that”.

“You hurt me”. You mutter shrugging your shoulders. “But I have so much fun getting drunk with Taza”.

“I'm tryin' fuckin' hard to make it up to you. No matter how much I've to do it”. He says then, pulling away some brists of your hair with a gently touch.

“I know”. And you also know that those words have lifted a huge weight off him.

Ezekiel takes the first step, wrapping your body with his arms to push closer. Your pulse goes fast. You know that something like that could happen, but by the other hand, you weren't expecting. Leaving a sigh out of your lips you surround his neck with yours, hugging you tightly for some seconds as if you didn't see each other in years. And even if you don't want to recognize, its makes you feel somewhat happy again. 

Putting some inches between both, with your heads on their pillow, he has his gaze on yours. His fingertips touring your back softly from top to bottom, once and again, with a calm breath. You're fucking lost in his eyes, as many nights you did before. You could be like that forever with his smell filling your lungs, sinking your face on his neck. Closing your eyes, you let one of your hands travel on his head back and nape in gently caresses, wishing to not fall asleep so fast as always, just to enjoy the intimate moment you two are having. And you know that EZ is fighting against his tiredness to do the same.  

“Do you think... you could forgive me one day?” He soughs then, from nowhere.

Yes, you know you will, but there are open wounds that you don't know how to heal. And maybe he's the one who can take care of them, but, how can you say it? How can you ask him for it? You sigh, resting your dizzy head back to the pillow. 

“You don' have to tell me when it will be”. He adds shrugging. “I just wanna know it to think new plans to bother you, 'cause I'm running out of ideas”.

You chuckle closing your eyes for a second, as he does stirring slightly on the bed.

“I was serious, baby, I'll wait for you all my life”. He mutters leaving a dearly and slow kiss on your forehead.

And you're falling for him again, with those voices inside your mind telling you to keep calm and that you're too drunk to have a clear decision. His lips almost dragging your skin doesn't help, leaving another smooth kiss on the bridge of your nose and another on the tip. Till he reach yours. He just presses them against yours, mildly, inchmeal. Your lips catching his lower in a soft move, tasting him and noticing how much you need him, and how much he needs you.

EZ sighs against your mouth, pulling it away so as not to make you feel pressured. Leaving a last one on your cheek, he pushes you closer ready to sleep for long hours as he couldn't do the last months.

Your phone dings with a notification, making you waking up with a horrible headache hitting your whole body. You growl, palming the bed trying to find Ezekiel. But the mattress is cold and empty. For a second, you think that maybe was an illusion because of the alcohol running through your veins, rolling till your blurry gaze is on the ceiling. Stretching your right arm, you grab your phone unlocking it. But there's nothing on it. Frowning you turn to the nightstand, finding Ez's. You don't want to look. You can't. Even if you know his secret code, it's not your phone. But, shit, you have to look it. Turning on the screen, without moving it, you're able to read the message from an unknown number.

💬: “I have left Miguel”.

[fandomsilhouette]

how they glitter in the sky

There’s only so much emotion anyone can fit in their bodies before they burst or spill or fall apart, dissolve in a flood of feelings they can’t control. Felix refuses to lose himself to his traitorous heart: at eight years old, he’s too old to miss his mama the way that he does. Too bad he can’t help it. 

He climbs onto the bus with a scowl and a friend he doesn’t want, and the wheels of the bus spin forward. Luckily for Felix, do the wheels of fate and time. 

Happy @felixmonth, y’all!

The biggest travesty of the day was that it was sunny. Where was the rain when he needed it?! Maybe then the buses would’ve been late, or canceled if the rain was bad enough, and he wouldn’t be forced to go to this stupid summer camp, like some sort of recalcitrant child. Which he wasn’t, obviously. 

If Felix was being honest, the real travesty was the way his mama drove off after dropping him off at the curb, like saying a proper goodbye the way the parents were doing would be wasted on him. The real travesty was the way he stood off to the side with bags he could barely wield and no one to hug before leaving for the whole summer, only to start third grade immediately after coming back. The real travesty was moving from London a week ago and then immediately getting shipped off to summer camp like everything was okay and normal, like he wouldn’t miss London worse when he didn’t even have his mama to make him feel like home. 

Fine. Whatever. Felix could sulk just fine in the sun, anyways. 

Felix clambered onto the sturdier of his two bags and settled in for a good pout, finding a comfortable scowl and slouching in that sweet, satisfying kind of way. It almost made him feel okay about being there. This was comfortable, familiar. Safe. A kind of uninterruptible alone that he could handle. 

“Hi!!! I’m Marinette, what’s your name?!” 

Felix almost fell off his luggage. 

Specifically, he tilted back, windmilling his arms wildly and kicking his feet out in an attempt to stay upright before this girl all decked out in pink grabbed his hand and pulled him forward. Felix wanted to be angry at that too, the way she handled his weight so effortlessly, and for a moment he started wrestling his anger into submission before realizing his mama wasn’t around to stop him. So instead he leaned into the anger, deepening his scowl, glaring at the girl instead of answering. 

“Um, I’m… this is my first year at camp! I’m… I don’t know anyone else going, so… do you want to be friends? You seem new to the area, I’ve never seen you before! Did you just move here? Where’d you move from? Moving seems pretty cool. I’d like to see the world, y’know? Um. Sorry, what’s your name again?” 

“No.” Felix was almost excited to try out the new growl-grumble combo he’d been practicing. It seemed to be less effective than he had hoped, though. All he got was wide eyes and a barely-there flinch before this Marinette girl barrelled on. 

“Um, no? What do you mean no?” 

“I don’t want to be your friend.” 

“...oh.” She managed to pause for a whole second, which Felix found impressive at this point. “Do you… still want to sit together? We don’t have to be friends if you don’t want. We can just sit together! I’ll even be quiet, I promise.” At that, she grinned widely, enough for Felix to see her gap teeth. In a valiant attempt to avoid getting flustered, he grabbed his bags and pushed past her. 

Or rather, tried to. He’d forgotten how unwieldy they were and his mama wasn’t around to help anymore. Crud! His dramatic exit was ruined. 

...oh no. Worse, it was co-opted!! Marinette had grabbed one of his bags (the bigger one, he noted), and was deftly maneuvering it behind him like it was no trouble. She grinned at him again, softer this time but no less genuine, almost shy with the way she ducked behind her bangs. 

Right when Felix was contemplating smiling back (or at least dropping his scowl), a cheery counselor bounced up in front of the group of kids clustered around their parents’ legs and started calling names. Apparently, seats were assigned. Of course they were. And of course Felix was stuck in the back, right next to this girl. 

“Looks like we ended up sitting together anyways! That’s a pretty funny coincidence, huh! I’m sorry if I’ve been talking too much. You seem like a pretty quiet person, so maybe we can just sit here together and watch the scenery?” Felix wasn’t the brightest at reading emotion, but even he could tell that her smile was getting strained, like holding it up without any support was starting to weigh on her. He wanted to feel bad, or to apologize, but he was so tired. Felix was so done with feeling guilty, and apologizing, and trying to shove his anger into a box to keep himself public-appropriate. No one here was going to tell him he had to be good. No one here could. If his mama didn’t care enough to stick around long enough to tell him how to behave, no one else did, and no one else could make him. 

So instead he darkened his glare and crossed his arms, and let all the rage from the last few months bleed into his scowl. 

“I don’t want to do anything with you.” 

Marinette flinched back, smile slipping off her features. Felix could see her heart sinking in her eyes and resolutely pushed any residual guilt away. 

He refused to acknowledge the part of him hoping desperately that she’d keep trying anyways. He refused to acknowledge the dagger in his gut when she didn’t. 

She turned away from him to face the window, pulling her legs up onto the seat and curling them under her dress, with just the tips of her stockings peeking out from the skirt of her dress. She watched the city lights glitter on the horizon as they drove further away, watched sunlight filter through treetops and catch on pollen like fairies dancing as the forest got thicker. She didn’t look back at him the whole bus ride there. 

Halfway through the trip, the effort of keeping his anger alive finally chewed through the little energy Felix had left and he nodded off. It wasn’t until the bus slowed and the chatter of children rose to a raucous roar that he blinked awake and realized what had happened. 

He had fallen asleep on her shoulder. 

...and she hadn’t said a word. 

Felix hated to admit it but it was the best sleep he’d gotten since he first learned about the move. It felt like the rest was a balm over his anger and pain and hurt, like he was finally able to let it all go and exist in the world around him for once instead of being lashed against the walls of his own mind. 

Noticing that he was awake, Marinette slipped off the seat and made her way to the front of the bus, pausing when he hadn’t even moved yet. 

“...it’s fine if you don’t want to be my friend, Felix. I’m sorry I pushed you so much. I just… thought it would be… nice. For once…” She trailed off, and then shook herself back to her train of thought. “For what it’s worth, if you still want, I’m happy to be your friend whenever you’re ready. If you ever want to be, I mean.”

[deltagon20362]

its so strange that i was visualising stuff with kivri and vharsis before i slept where vharsis was being uncharacteristically vulnerable and kivri comforts him  and stuff whatever im projecting onto sheep boy so what. but like i think i manifested hugging kivri. like the same night i had a dream where i hugged kivri. um. not complaining though..

had a dream where i was malkisk and i was with vharsis trying to catch our bus. we waited at a t-way so people were coming and going and our bus wasn't really a bus more so than it was a run down caravan. the driver was nice though we couldnt get mad at him at all. plus he was the only person who could take us where we wanted to go. we were waiting for kivri but we thought he probably wouldn't come so we started to go first. we drove through a dingy corner like a back alley, trash was everywhere but when we were abt to reach the main road the vehicle broke down and also the map that was hanging up and pinpointing a certain route fell from the wall and we had to fix it. i saw kivri while standing by the open door and i ran to get him. it was raining hard and he was like running to the station we initially told him to go to bc he was going to miss that one but i ran to get him and it was fun. i was stepping through puddles and trying not to run into people. everyone else were humans and ive found that its a recurring thing in my dreams where the humans look at me funny when im an eliksni. anyway i caught up to him on the path between a ramen bar and a park. he looked really happy to see me and we hugged 🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰😭MALKISK X KIVRI IS REAL!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IS REAL!!!!!!!

[yntcdtyler]

so here’s my lover secret session’s story... 02/08/2019 london 🏹🇬🇧

i got my dm on twitter on july 16th at 5:15pm and i looked at it thinking someone was trying to boo boo the fool me and it was really gonna say something like “stream ME!” so i opened it not thinking much of it and my heart literally SANK when i saw it was actually REAL. i got the phone call 4 days after from a girl called sara who was from Taylor Nation, she told me everything and i was literally in the storage room in work crying.

so it’s finally august 2nd.. i got up at 5am cause i literally had 4 different trains and 2 ubers to catch, when i finally got to my hotel it was around 11am, i checked in and got ready and went to the meeting point. i was literally the first one there so i panicked thinking i was at the wrong place but more people started to show up and immediately everyone formed little friendship groups who they seemed to have stayed with the whole day which was insane. i met lisa and emma which i’d recognised from twitter because we’d been following each other for so long and then georgia, evie & shiv all came over and we all just bonded and instantly became friends and realised we we’re the brits of the group, there were SO many international fans and it was amazing seeing people come from all over the world! our group was first on the bus and i’m not sure why but we were literally all crying like wtf was going on?? we drove past a few ambulances thinking ‘that’s gonna be our ride home after tonight’ cause at this point i’m like dying and then we finally got to THE HOUSE.

we all go inside, the ME! playlist was on, there was a huge moose head on the wall which we all became really intrigued by, a huge mirror to see ourselves ugly crying, there was food & drinks and little m&m’s with ‘lover’ and hearts on them and i have no idea what was going on in my mind at this point, like i didn’t know what to expect.

so then we all go to the living room we’re there was a bunch of cushions on the floor and a chair and speakers in front of us and i KNEW what was about to go down lads, it’s about to happen, we’re about to hear lover and i just wasn’t ready and i was sat THERE in front of the chair and a few minutes later... SHE COMES OUT FROM BEHIND THIS DOOR LOOKING LIKE LIKE AN ACTUAL GODDESS THAT JUST STEPPED OUT OF HEAVEN AND I DEAD ASS DIED RIGHT THERE THINKING ABOUT THAT AMBULANCE I SAW EARLIER ON CAUSE SHE JUST WASNT REAL. so she’s like “welcome to the lover secret sessions” and the noise that came out me was actually not human at all. she played half the album the first and kept apologising for ranting and going off topic which was so funny, she’s so adorable i was literally in awe. then was like “we’re gonna take a break so you can all go the bathroom, have a drink and stretch your legs” and then mentions she’s made us treats and everyone’s like OMG and she’s literally like “it’s just rice crispy treats i dyed in heart shapes” and it was just the funniest thing bc she’s just so sarcastic but they were the cutest things and just knowing she spent time making them was honestly insane. like i ate a rice crispy heart treat..made by taylor swift? sounds fake. so then as she’s passing them around, she’s goes into the garden and starts talking to everyone and thanking people’s parents and let everyone on her trampoline and just shouts “THESE ARE MY KIDS” with a glass of wine in her hand and it was such a taylor swift moment. it was just surreal like wtf? imagine bouncing on taylor swifts trampoline? i would’ve went on it but i wasn’t about to break my neck before listening to the rest of the album x

okay so we go back in to listen to the rest of the album and throughout the whole album listening part, i just kept crying and she kept looking at me and smiling and singing and i was just bloody in shock. there was one point during a song we’re me and georgia we’re holding onto each other crying and she just looks at us and tilts her head and gives us the most warming smile. right there we both died together it was unreal. but the album HOLY SHIT every song was INSANE. i found it so hard to pick a favourite so i have 3, this album is literally her BEST, and this coming from a speak now stan🤝 i was just the happiest i’ve ever been, it just seemed like a dream. seeing her sat there in front of me so happy and in such a good place, feeling so proud of this album and these songs just made my heart feel so full. what i was feeling in that moment is unexplainable. just pure happiness like i knew life doesn’t get any better than this... right it’s time for the meet and greets and everyone goes back in to the other room whilst they got ready and people started queuing then to go in and meet her, she spent so much time with every single person and seeing everyone’s faces coming out that room was so magical. the event was supposed to be over at 11pm and it’s literally 1:30am when it was my time to meet her. she’d literally been meeting people for HOURS and is 2 and half hours past the end time and she didn’t even mind. everyone was so eager to go inside that me and the girls decided to wait till the end.

so evie had just come out and now it’s my turn. i almost fainted, i was so dizzy and nervous and WHEN I TELL U I WAS PETRIFIED TO GO INSIDE, I ACTUALLY MEAN IT BECAUSE I WAS STOOD OUTSIDE THE DOOR REFUSING TO GO IN FOR ABOUT A MINUTE CAUSE I COULD JUST SEE HER STOOD THERE AND I WASN’T READY BECAUSE LIKE I’VE DREAMT ABOUT THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER. emma and lisa we’re stood there laughing trying to force me inside as well as a girl from TN. took me a good minute but i finally walked in, i walk over to her trying not to cry AGAIN and she’s stood there smiling at me and she says to me “it’s tyler isn’t it?” and i was like JDJSKDJD “yeah 😭😭😭😭” cause i didn’t think she knew who i was and i was just randomly picked by TN??? she then pulled me in for the biggest hug and i just felt like this is it, i’m gonna bloody pass out. I TOLD HER THAT WAITING IN THAT QUEUE TO MEET HER WAS LIKE WAITING FOR THE ELECTRIC CHAIR and i was like why tf did i just say that omg but she laughed and was like “omg hahaha it’s like waiting for the electric chair that’s so funny” then i gave her the lover necklace i’d gotten made for her so we had matching and she kept saying how much she loved and how beautiful it was. then said “i love your necklace” with a little smirk because i was wearing her ‘TS’ initial necklace and my heart just went HDAJHDJDDH. then she asked did i enjoy the day and i was like of course??? it was so amazing i couldn’t stop crying and she was like “aw i had so much fun, i love doing these” and then she asked how i’d gotten here and i told her that i had to take 4 trains and she looked so shocked and thanked me for doing that and asked if i was travelling afterwards and i told her i had a hotel and she goes “omg good, PLEASE don’t talk to any strangers” and i’m just like YEAH OF COURSE ANYTHING FOR U MISS SWIFT :’)))) i hugged her about 3 more times and i asked her about tour, and how she found me and she said she’d found me on tumblr and literally said “its tylovestaylor right?” and i was just like WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. IM SCARED. cause i barely use tumblr because i’m the only one who reblogs myself??? and i’d gotten my dm on twitter so my mind was like wtf is going on right now?? i told her i changed my url and she said she’d follow me 🥺 then says “so do you wanna like... take a picture together or something?” YEAH OF COURSE, IM A BIT OF A MESS RN BUT ABSOLUTELY. she asks what i wanted to do for the photo like stand, sit, go near the piano? and i told her to choose because my mind was just all over the place and she says to me “i think one sitting down with our legs crossed over acting all (then does some pose) and stuff” i just couldn’t believe what was actually happening. we sit down next to each other and she grabs my hand and i’m just holding her and the photographer takes the photo and she tells me to have a look to see if i like it and i said i looked so bad and she goes “ITS SO CUTE, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL AND PHOTOGENIC” then the photographer told me i was really photogenic and tay goes “SEE SHE EVEN SAID IT” did taylor swift..who invented photos and beauty... just call me beautiful and photogenic? surely not. so we took one more pic and she said she loved it so i loved it😭😭😭 we got up and hugged again and i just kept saying i love you and she told me i was beautiful and i was like SO ARE U???? and then i told her that i still don’t believe she’s real and she laughed. we hugged again i told her i loved her as i was walking out she shouts “please get home safely” and i said “have a safe flight wherever you’re going next” at the same time and she laughed and was like “OMG THANKYOU?” and i walked out and the emotions i was going through oh my god. i’d just met my favourite person in the entire world? like never in a million years did i think i’d ever meet her let alone get handpicked for secret sessions. i was in so much shock like it wasn’t real. that never happened? i’m still in shock now and literally crying writing this. she was so lovely and welcoming and spoke to me like she’d known me forever.

AND AFTER ALL THAT, SHE DECIDES SHE WANTS ME LITERALLY DEAD AND LIKES MY POST ON HERE FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. RIGHT AFTER I’D MET HER.

i couldn’t get over how beautiful she is, inside and out like i already knew that but seeing her in real life is so different, she’s literally flawless and so cute and delicate and i’ll literally die for this woman. thankyou so much, from the bottom of my heart @taylorswift for choosing me out of 100m+ fans, i’ll never understand why i was chosen but i can’t explain how grateful i am. it was by far the best day i’ve ever had in my 18 years of being alive, nothing will ever come close to that moment. i cant wait for everyone else to hear this album, i miss you and your hugs already and i forgot to tell you because my mind was blank but i’m insanely proud of you and will support you forever. promise.

[twilightknight17]

Today on P5S, we’re taking a nice relaxing dip in the hot sprin--

Fukuoka, Kyushu! The plan was to keep going straight through to Kyoto, but Makoto was hurting from all the driving, so we pulled over with the intention of spending the night in a proper hotel and having a good meal. Which, of course, means ramen, because we gotta try the local ramen in each place. ^_^

Even Morgana wanted to try, though he requested that Akira blow on it, first, because “feline tongues are sensitive.”

The plan was to stay in Fukuoka until Makoto was feeling better, but Zenkichi called and basically said we had to get to Kyoto right away. So after a night of sleep, we got up the next morning, and we finally learned why Haru hasn’t been driving, despite having her license.

My wife has a lead foot.

Apparently no one but Joker and Queen ever drove the Mona Bus, because everyone but Makoto seemed extremely surprised.

Supposedly it was eight hours to Kyoto. We were there by noon.

Anyway, this old bar is apparently Zenkichi’s safe house, if anything ever goes wrong on an investigation.

He’s tracked the list of names that we found in the lab back to a politician called Jyun Owada, who was apparently a Shido supporter. This guy would benefit from changes of heart, and one of his supporters is the CEO of Madicce, Mr. Akira Konoe. They determine that Owada wouldn’t have a Jail himself, but that he’s probably getting Konoe to influence people for him. Which means that, since Sophia sensed a Jail in Osaka (that we missed because we were all screaming at Haru’s driving), it’s most likely that Konoe is a Monarch.

So my dart hit the board, I just gotta see how close to the bullseye.

Zenkichi heads to Osaka for a meeting with Konoe to try to get his keyword, and convinces the kids to stay behind. They need to rest and recover so they can be at their best for the Jail. Plus, he’s put them up in the nicest hotel in Kyoto! Which means it’s time to go to the hot springs!

The boys are having a lovely time relaxing. Even Morgana’s chilling on a rock with his tail in the water, basking in the chance to really unwind.

.......Atlus. We need to have words.

Not only was this absolutely unnecessary...

It’s the exact same scenario as P3. We’re even in the same goddamn city. If I thought Gekkoukan would be willing to spend 40K per person a night, it might as well be the same hotel.

Apparently, the boys went in right before the time switched over, and didn’t realize. And now, once again, they’re up for an unjust execution. At least Yosuke and Teddie were actually peeping in P4.

Personally, I think a better plan would have been to start yelling, “Who’s there?” as soon as the girls came in. Sneaking just makes it look like you’re up to something nefarious. It was an honest mistake. And really, trying to get out without causing a scene isn’t a heinous crime.

We don’t see who knocked over the thing that got them caught, but they do get caught. There’s no gameplay here. Defeat is inevitable. And...

The girls jump immediately to accusing them of being perverts. Never mind that they’re wet because they just got out of the damn hot spring. And the boys try to explain. They try their best. They explain that they didn’t realize the time had switched. They explain that they’d gotten locked in without noticing, because the men’s side doors lock when it switches over. “It was an accident,” Akira says, plaintively.

And Makoto looks at these boys that she’s fought alongside for over a year. The ones who risked their lives to save her and everyone more than once. The teammates that she stood beside as they shot a god and saved the entire damn world. The ones who, on this very roadtrip, stepped in to defend Haru from Natsume being a harassing jackass... And she says...

She sounds actually angry.

And she beats them up.

For an honest mistake.

I know this is a trope, but in this particular instance, it’s stupid, and it feels incredibly out of character. None of the boys deserve this, but Akira least of all. He’s your goddamn leader; he’s done more for any of you than anyone else. He’s been falsely accused of shit over and over, and now he has to deal with it from his own teammates?

For shame, Atlus. Shitty writing, especially because this event is never going to be brought up again. Was this supposed to be funny? Because in this situation, it wasn’t at all.

...now that I’m done being cranky, let’s go check how Zenkichi’s meeting in Osaka is going.

Hm. Nowhere, apparently, because Konoe’s gone for the day. Weird. Zenkichi had an appointment and everything.

Now let’s check on... well fuck.

Commissioner Kaburagi, Zenkichi’s boss, is summoned by the commissioner general and the previously mentioned Owada. This asshole is claiming to have evidence that the Phantom Thieves are behind all the changes of heart. They hacked into EMMA!

You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, when you’re the one behind this.

.......maybe this lady is better than I thought.

She says that there’s not enough proof, and that they need to look into things more. The commissioner general counters that the Thieves are going to be tried for murder. Because apparently they killed that poor man at the Okinawa facility after they learned how to get into EMMA.

Kaburagi knows this is bullshit and wants to investigate more, but they basically tell her to do it or else. And promise that she’ll be commissioner general one day. After the current commissioner general launches his political career with the capture of the Phantom Thieves, of course. And she’s just going to follow orders. Never mind. God. I didn’t misjudge her at all.

Konoe goes on TV and announces that they’re shutting down EMMA temporarily, because the Phantom Thieves hacked it and stole personal information. He also informs everyone that they murdered one of his employees. Zenkichi and I had the same reaction, which was “WHAT?!”

Look at this asshole.

Zenkichi realizes what’s going to happen and takes off for Kyoto. Cut to that night, where there’s an entire fucking squad of police outside of the hotel in riot gear. For seven teenagers. Zenkichi shows up and basically pleads with Kaburagi to stop and think, because the real mastermind is still out there.

Kaburagi snaps back with, “You mean like with your wife?” and Zenkichi shuts up. Low blow, lady. She also points out that he seems very attached to criminals.

Before Kaburagi can have the police storm the place, Zenkichi yells for the kids to run, and gets arrested for it. The kids make it to the safe house, but when they find out about the arrest, they want to go after him. They end up agreeing to let Makoto handle that, and then we get a look at King Asshole himself.

I hate how nice this man’s office is.

And I’m kind of afraid of EMMA.

Good luck with that, though. You’d have to break them first; you can’t change the heart of someone stable enough to have a persona. Not that this fuck would know that.

God, he’s like if Shido and Maruki had a fucked-up kid. He wants his own personal team capable of entering the metaverse and changing people, to make the world “better”. Holy fuck.

Somehow I don’t think you’re the one in the right, when you’re talking about making us a “sacrifice to bring about [your] new world order.”

So the next day, the Thieves get a text from Akane’s phone number, that basically says she’s been kidnapped. It’s clearly a trap, but they all agree that they have to go. According to the text, if they want her back, they need to come to Inari Taisha.

Also known as Fushimi Inari, the largest Inari Shrine in Japan. I’ve been there.

I have literally been right there. I have a picture:

And so the kids head into a Jail based on Fushimi Inari where the keyword is “Phantom Thieves”, and I try not to explode from sheer glee because oh boy I thought I’d have to wait a lot longer for this and also I didn’t expect it to be somewhere I know.

Eeeeeeeee~

They find Akane tied up and all go running towards her. Futaba trips, and before she can catch up, a huge cage snatches up the rest of them, because surprise, the Jail Monarch is Akane, and she’s absolutely ready to lord it over them.

Meanwhile, Zenkichi is getting beaten up in interrogation and taking it like a champ.

But it’s okay, because Makoto called in a favor. <3

Futaba managed to get back to the safe house, and Zenkichi met up with her there after Sae got him released.

So you know that bit in P5 where the phan-site poll hits 100% belief and we summoned a demon the size of a skyscraper? That’s Zenkichi right now, except he’s hitting Maximum Dad Energy and I’m pretty sure he’s going to summon his persona.

There’s a cool stealth sequence where you have to sneak by a bunch of shadows, because Zenkichi doesn’t have a persona. Futaba runs navigation for him, but it’s so funny because he... sneaks like a regular person. He doesn’t leap into cover with superhuman speeds.

It might have been cool to play Zenkichi With A Gun, but stealth mode was fun, too. XD

And then the confrontation with Akane. She gives the Thieves a choice of who wants their heart changed first, but before anyone can stupidly volunteer, Zenkichi shows up, and a few more things get revealed. Most importantly, the fact that Owada is the one who killed Zenkichi’s wife, and Zenkichi got death threats directed at Akane if he didn’t stop investigating. No fucking wonder he couldn’t solve the case. But Akane is too disillusioned to listen, because she doesn’t understand. And Zenkichi is forced to confront that at some point, he compromised his morals, telling himself he was doing it for Akane.

This line wasn’t sung, but I kind of wish it was, considering who his persona is. :P

Zenkichi admits that he might have been wrong. But he was doing it to protect the only family he had left.

“But at least I know what makes a person evil. Evil only cares about itself. It’s the mark of a man who would bring another to ruin and dare not show remorse.”

And his awakening was badass.

Shitty picture, but his literal shadow had glowing eyes while it was forming the contract. It was so cool. :D

Wolf is awesome. After beating up a whole hoard of shadows by himself, Akane got away, the Thieves were freed, and we all went back to the safe house to rest. And I swear, you take a nap for one hour, and cannot get any peace. XDDD

Thank you, darling. Now I gotta figure out what deck that’s from.

So that was today. Technically I only played for like...2 and a half hours?? But god, we hit the hot springs and everything just flung itself directly off a cliff and all I could do was hold on.

I have so many thoughts about things!!! But I need to see more first. But this has been fantastic overall.

[dibidibifiction]

Criminal In My Mind: Chapter 3

Warning: foul language

Pairings: Choi Minho x Reader; Kim Jonghyun x Kim Kibum (side) Word count: 1.8k

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.

masterlist Chapter 2

Y/N

I just received a phone call from Minho to notify me that Taemin has been brought to the hospital. I’m now in a cab on my way there, out of breath from being anxious and in a hurry at the same time.

I just told that kid not to do something stupid!

Minho told me that Taemin’s going to be okay but what I’m worried about now is keeping this a secret. I hate lying to Mr. Lee.

So, that’s his name. Minho, like from the book series, Maze Runner. He didn’t sound hostile at all when I talked to him on the phone. He actually sounded reassuring and respectful.

I arrive at the emergency room and immediately catch the sight of him as he stands up to approach me. 

“Hey, thank you so much for being here for him. I’m Y/n. Where is he?”

“Right in there,” Minho leads me to Taemin. Although I find myself staring at his back for a second, eyeing his features briefly, as I’m quite astonished by his obvious handsomeness.

I walk right up to Taemin, almost teary. “What happened to you? I thought I already told you not to do something stupid!”

“It’s not my fault, Noona. My girlfriend’s ex and his friends got back at me for stealing her, which is not really the case at all. She came onto me!”

This kid is so adorable that he never fails to make me laugh. I could never be mad at him. “Well, I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thanks to Minho Hyung. He would’ve fought off those guys if they hadn’t run away fast enough. He and his pretty girlfriend helped me and rushed me over here. For free I might add.”

I turn to Minho, “Oh, you didn’t have to do that. I promise we’ll pay you back.”

He chuckles charmingly, “There’s no need for that. Anyway, I have to go. I have to drop my mom off at the airport. Taemin, stay out of trouble.”

We watch him walk away. He does look cuter when he smiles. The chuckle with his deep voice was just a bonus. For some reason, he has this flaming charisma that I find sexy. With his muscular manly figure showing off despite wearing a loose shirt, and his long arms and legs. I wonder how tall he is. And that ass? I mean no disrespect but fuck! 

“Was that really his girlfriend that drove you here or was it his mom or his sister?”

“I think she’s too young to be that guy’s mom. Why, do you like him?”

“I didn’t say that!” My voice sounds so high and loud that I seem defensive.

“Oh, please. You’re already smitten,” he continues to annoy me. “Not only is he hot and handsome, but he’s really kind, too. God, I’ll be all over that guy if I was a woman. Or gay.”

I laugh at what Taemin says. Regardless of how ridiculous that sounds, I’m afraid that he might be right.

. . .

Days have gone by after that Taemin incident. It’s finally my day off tomorrow! I have over an hour left before my shift ends.

I will finally get to see Kibum tonight, who I haven’t seen in a long time. We barely hang out anymore ever since he moved out of town with his own family for a bigger place. 

He’s been my best friend since junior high school. I had no friends back then because everybody’s too uncomfortable to speak to me after I survived the abduction. He was the new kid in school. One lunchtime, I was having trouble pumping ketchup onto my plate because my limbs were too small and weak. He then helped me out since he’s surprisingly strong for quite a skinny guy at the time. Since then, after we first shared our love for ketchup, that’s how we came to be. We also went to the same college and got the same undergraduate, only he carried on his studies to pursue dermatology and I finally got to be a florist.

Speak of the devil, “Kim Kibum!” I answer my phone.

“I hope you’re carrying some aspirin with you because we are gonna party until roofs blow off!”

“Who are you kidding? You hate clubs,” I get confused at first but immediately realize he’s just being sarcastic.”

“The fuck I do. I just thought I could trick you. But we’re still drinking. I went into clubs so rarely in college but now, I have three-year-old boy twins and a fiancé, who I met in one of those clubs,” he laughs too loudly. Funny for someone who hates noisy and crowded places.

“I know. I was there the whole fucking time! Is Jonghyun Oppa coming, too?” I ask him.

“Uh, no, he went home to his mom with the boys. It’s just a few neighborhoods away from where you are. He might come and join us tomorrow morning.”

“That’s fine. We can just meet up at SM Café.”

“Oh, are still friends with that Jinki guy? I thought we didn't like him anymore.”

“Hey, come on, we only went out for a week. We didn’t even sleep together. Plus, he is a perfect gentleman, although sometimes annoying because of his jokes. But there’s no reason to fall out.”

“Does he still flirt with you?” he asks me teasingly.

“Yes, be right there,” I tell a customer who has just walked in and called out for assistance. “Hey, I gotta go. I’ll see you later, honey. Love you. Bye.”

I hang up and instantly turn to the customer by the vases section of the store.

After almost an hour discussing kinds of soil, pots, and vases with a customer, Mr. Lee comes in from the back of the shop, “Mr. Lee, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I live here. My apartment’s right upstairs,” he’s frowning like an old man who screams at children who wouldn’t get off his lawn.

I laugh at this hilarious sarcasm. “I mean aren’t you supposed to go to the dentist this afternoon and get your teeth fixed?”

“I changed my mind. I’m happy the way my teeth are,” he tells me while smiling widely. “By the way, I hired two new florists to cover for you as you arrange flowers your way all day long. I know how swamped you can be handling customers, deliveries, and bouquets all at the same time. Plus, we have more than enough money to pay for extra help thanks to you. So, congratulations, you’re my new head florist!” 

“No way, really? Thank you so much, Mr. Lee!” I jump up and down out of glee. I almost hug him.

“No problem. Oh, and you get a pay raise. Now get out of here. I got this,” he insists, patting me on the head.

I go home to take a shower and put on some more attractive clothes and bold, glam makeup because I don’t know where Kibum and I will end up going, just like the old times. Even though we didn’t often go to clubs—well, he didn’t—we still drank together at our dorm, resto-bars, and barbeque places. I always wanted to be ready to live this single drunk life in case some sexy guy wants to get on with me.

This time I take the bus to SM café and by the time I arrive, I catch Kibum’s car just pulling in for parking. I go ahead, walking into the café, and get relieved that it’s less crowded than it was this morning. I take a seat at a table by the window as Jinki approaches me. 

“Hey, is your shift almost over?” I ask him.

“Yeah, I get off at-”

“Oh, my God, Kim Kibum!” I scream and suddenly rush over to Kibum and give him a long tight hug. “I missed you so much!” 

Last time I saw him, his hair was pastel purple and longer. Now, it’s blonde and shorter, almost to his roots. I swear this man pulls off every single hairstyle and every single outfit. I can never understand how he does it. There’s not a day when he is not gorgeous.

“I missed you too, babe!” We’re screaming like a couple of teenagers who are so ready for spring break.

“You remember Jinki?” I introduce them then they exchange their hellos.

“What can I get you guys?” Jinki asks, as merry as always.

“Iced black coffee for me and…” I look to Kibum.

“Iced low-fat latté and a piece of red velvet cake for me. Thanks!”

“Great! I’ll be right back with your orders. Nice to see you again, Kibum.”

Kibum smiles and waves at Jinki as he walks away, grabbing empty trays from recently left-out tables. 

“He got cuter, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, he did.”

“Then what are you doing? Get on with it. You’re not getting any younger.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not the kind of guy I get attracted to. You know what I mean? It’s just...” I go on and on trying to explain, listing down reasons but nothing I say seems to make sense.

Kibum stares at me for a second with a wrinkled forehead and slightly parted lips. “I literally didn’t get a single thing from what you just said.”

“Well, there’s this guy I’m hoping to-”

“Here are your drinks and one red velvet cake. Hope you enjoy,” Jinki is back, placing our beverages on the table.

“Thank you so much!” Kibum exclaims.

“I get off at nine,” Jinki turns to me.

“That’s soon. We’ll just wait for you,” I tell him. “We have a lot of catching up to do anyway.

“Alright, as long as you guys don’t mind. We can drink here if you want. I still got several bottles of soju left from when my friends came over last week.”

“Sure, that would be great! It’s less trouble,” Kibum tilts his head toward my direction, referring to me and the many nights I got into trouble in every college bar.”

. . .

I start hearing familiar voices in the background fading in.

“Right, right. So what happened with you and the girl?” I hear Jinki laughing.

“What do you think? I haven’t seen her ever since. I decided to take the twins with me since she didn’t want them. Then Jonghyun and I eventually got back together and worked everything out the way...”

I open my eyes just to realize I passed out. I look around, we’re still at the café. I look at my watch, it’s almost midnight. 

Holy shit, have I grown weak? I scold myself. It's only been two hours since we started drinking.

When I was in college, I didn’t stop drinking while the sun was still hiding. I could go all night partying even with people I didn’t know, as long as they didn't sell drugs or dressed up as a cop. What happened to me? Maybe I’m too old for this shit.

“There she is!” Jinki is laughing at me.

Just after a few minutes, I still crave for a fun night so I resume drinking and join the boys. Turns out the night is still young and the fun is just continuing on. 

Would you look at that, I’m not too old for this shit after all!

Chapter 4

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

S.T. REWRITE - S2:E7; Chapter Seven, The Lost Sister - [Pt. 2]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

In their search for answers, psychic visions draw Eleven and Y/n to a band of violent outcasts and an angry girl with a shadowy past.

||Reader's POV||

I hug my jacket tighter around my chest, my teeth chattering still from the cold air. Luckily the seats El and I picked ended up near the bus' heater. Though at least the chill is keeping me awake and alert. I remember drifting off on the futon at Becky's, the next thing I know El is shaking me awake and pulling me down the stairs. All I had time to grab was my jacket and slip on my shoes and we were out the door. Hell, I didn't even get to change out of my pajamas.

I tried asking her what happened and where the hell we were going, not to mention so late at night. She was much too spooked and truthfully I haven't seen her run that fast. Well, at least since last year. But no matter how much I tried to ask, she just kept silent, apart from a few words which I'm pretty sure were to shut me up.

"It's not safe."

So here we were, on a bus heading who knows where. I felt a pair of eyes on me and I looked cautiously to my side, several people were giving us strange even some sympathetic looks. I remember for what seems like the billionth time that I am in sweatpants and tee-shirt, and I hug my jacket tighter around my torso. I turned to look at El, and I can make out her disheartened reflection watching droplets of rain cascade down the foggy glass. I rest my head tiredly on the back of my seat and I attempt to break the silence.

"El?"

Her head rolls across the seat to face me, I can tell she is tired like me though I sense a great deal of it is emotional exhaustion as well as physical. A million questions run through my head but I only.find myself asking one.

"Are you okay?"

She sniffled but gave me no immediate answer. I could tell she was debating on whether or not she should lie. Finally, she speaks, her voice cracked and a little broken.

"No."

I wince, my a lump forming my throat feeling as if I am unable to help her. I extend my hand, as she did this afternoon, and she took it. I gave her palm a reassuring squeeze and I looked in her eyes.

"El, what happened? You can tell me," I reassure.

Her brown eyes fall to my hands, and I can tell she is trying to blink back tears.

"She called us in." She whispered, sniffling. "I'm sorry."

"Wait, what do you mean? Why are you sorry?" I ask gently.

"I heard her," she choked back. "She called for the policeman. And... And she gave them your name. I'm sorry Y/n."

"My name?" I gulped. "So, the police are gonna, know I'm...?"

She nodded, tearfully and I could see the remorse in her eyes.

Instinctively, I gave her hand another reassuring squeeze and forced a half-assed smile.

"It's okay, it's not entirely your fault El," I said. "Yeah, I'm not going to lie. That's not good, but I also knew what I was risking when I went with you. The truth is, things really haven't been going super well at home. Everyone's fighting - more than usual,"

El cracks a small smile at that, and I feel one spread across my face as well. But it quickly fades as I continue.

"Like I said before, Mike hasn't been himself since you left. And now Will is acting up, in fact, he's... completely different. He's sick, he's really sick and he's angrier than usual. The party is falling apart, and I've felt more alone these past few weeks than I have in a really long time. And on top of it all," I lower my voice even more. "I'm still finding stuff I didn't know I could do. I've been having trouble, controlling my powers."

El looked to me surprised, her eyebrows raised though I was relieved to see I had halted her crying. I nodded.

"The point is, you showing up has been just what I needed. And yes, it's really scary, but thanks to you I found out how I got here, where I came from. That's really good! I have you to thank for that."

We shared a weak smile, and there a beat of silence. I took a deep breath and she was the first to break the ice.

"I found her. The girl."

I perked up a bit, and I looked to El El hopefully.

"Really? That's great! So did you get a name? Maybe the girl's name or where we're going?"

The hope in El's face fell, and she shook her head. But her face scrunched up thoughtfully as if she was trying to remember something she might have missed.

"A city." She looked at me quizzically, and she spoke the next words and it was clear to me she must have been repeating a word she heard only in passing. "Shuh-cago?"

My eyes widened. "Chicago? We're going to Chicago?"

El shrugged her shoulders.

"Shuh-cago."

I took a deep breath, letting the information sink in as well as trying to tame the anxiety I knew was soon coming to settle in.

"Um, okay..." I sighed, my eyes falling to my lap and I noticed my leg has begun to bounce. "Well, are you sure? Is that what you heard, or maybe saw in the background somewhere?"

El nodded. I nodded as well, thinking about the road ahead.

"So you really think she'll help huh?" I ask.

She gives me a weak, but reassuring smile and soft squeezes my hand. "Yes."

I smile gratefully, but we fall into silence quickly after.

The familiar feeling bubbled up in my stomach again, though it is much more intense. Sure I had anxieties about leaving with El, but this succeeded that. At least I had the small chance of not getting caught, that I'd be back the next night and it could all be explained away by being at the Byers house. But this was quickly spiraling. This had already spiraled, and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach with nerves. The moment the chief got her message than it was only a matter of time before my mom was notified, and oh no...

According to Dustin, she's going to the ends of the earth just to find Mews, I can't imagine the stress she'll inevitably be under when she finds out that some woman across town filed a report about me and it certainly doesn't help that I'm on a bus to Chicago.

I try to remind myself to take deep breaths, the last thing I need is my anxiety itself spiraling into something destructive. I still need to learn how to control my powers, though I'm a bit upset with myself for saying everything's okay when it's not.

I always had a problem with that. And yet, even though I meant what I had said to El about finding out where I came from, part of me is upset with myself for letting it go. Maybe I did it cause I felt bad for El, and she seemed sorry and she was in trouble. But then again, I was in trouble now too. Part of me is hoping Chicago is a dead end, and while I feel awful for feeling that way, I do. I find myself longing to be with Will again. The old Will. He always had a knack for knowing when I wasn't okay.

He always made me feel validated when I was upset, and he listened and then he'd do anything to get me to smile. But for now, I had to keep these thoughts to myself, for as long as I can at least though I don't know how long I'll last.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

I don't realize I have drifted off until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I blink away the sleep to the best of my ability and I find El gesturing towards the isle. Once again, I close my jacket tightly around my torso, the cold air reaching my neck and nipping at my ears. We had spilled out onto the busy streets among the several people leaving the bus with us. I looked around in an odd mix of awe and fear. Mom was never a city dweller, and the last big trip she took she came home with a daughter. So apart from programs on TV, this was the first I was seeing a big city.

El seemed to be experiencing it too, but my awe was quickly smothered when my eye level returned to the ground. We were lost in a sea of strange people, nobody seemed to know anyone and they all seemed angry.

I tried to remind myself of the things El told me earlier today.

"Y/n, we can defend ourselves, remember?"

She did have point, but then again if we were put in a situation where we were forced to use them, all the closer we going were to being caught. I look to El, to gauge her reaction and I find she's still very much lost in the towering city skyline and she a genuine smile on her face. For a moment I wish I can enjoy it as she does, but I am still in sweatpants and a tee shirt and I haven't the faintest idea when or if we'll find exactly where we're going.

Eagerly, she starts walking down the streets and I follow her. I'm thankful I was able to retrieve my shoes and jacket, but I still can't seem to drag my thoughts away from the fact that my teeth are chattering once more. The words I spoke earlier today pop into my mind only to mock me, "I guess I kept myself warm,". Another reason to learn how to control my powers, it sure wouldn't hurt-

I'm jolted from my thoughts when I feel a strong force struck my shoulder. I tumble back slightly, quickly catching my footing but my heart still spikes. I whirl around to see a large, glowering man sneer over his shoulder at me as retreats.

"Watch it, kid."

This time I fiddle with my jacket as an excuse to keep my hands busy, my heat creeping up in my chest as my tempter rises. I return my attention to El and our walk when I find her glaring at him. And if looks could kill - which hers quite easily could - he would be six feet under.

"Mouth-breather," She says menacingly, her eye line falls slightly and I panic.

I turn just in time to see the man stumble forward onto the concrete. Angrily, he sits up, looking around frantically and glaring at anyone who laughed at him. All worry washed away when I could barely make out the string of curses directed at his shoelaces as he hotly tied them.

El looked to me, suppressing a smile and she had a wildly mischievous look in her eye.

I felt myself crack a smile and my anger slowly melted away.

Okay, that was pretty funny.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

If I thought I was cold before, I was dead wrong. We've been walking for two hours, my feet are killing me and my sweatpants are clinging to my legs. About half an hour ago, a truck drove through a puddle and I caught the tail end of the splash when we hooked around a corner. To pass the time, I've been trying to dry them subtly with my hands against my legs, but it didn't get me very far, even with El's tips. I finally gave it a rest after a while, I wasn't getting very far and I didn't want to risk draining myself if the walk was much longer.

By now I've grown used to the odd and wandering looks we've gathered, especially me given my state. But the tension crept back in when El lead us down an incredibly questionable alley. We were definitely in the riskier parts of the city though I tried to hold my tongue and save questions until later. My instincts told me I needed to appear more confident than I was than I'd have at least a sliver less of a chance of being a target. El seemed to hold up that exterior, though even her confidence was waning slightly.

We were surrounded by many sluggish people, milling about one another and the alley was lit up by fire pits in steel barrels. The stench was horrid, it wreaked of booze, cigarettes, and urine. Subconsciously, El and I grew closer I realize cause I feel the ends of her hairbrush against me when I flinch back.

A frightening, cackling man had stepped towards my face as we walked by.

"They're dead. They're all dead!"

His hyena-like laughter bounces off the cement walls and echoes in my ears. I can practically taste his awful breath and I duck my head down avoiding eye contact as I pull El along forward with me.

I can sense her eagerness to leave the alley and hands still clenched tight, we broke out into a small jog and out of sight. We didn't stop until we reached what looked to be an abandoned underpass. Graffiti littered every wall, and we emerged from the darkened space to find an old warehouse. Like the underpass, there wasn't a wall that wasn't painted with spray paint and neon color and El stopped suddenly.

I glanced ahead of me at the building, the small door supplied with only one window that flickered with yellow light, and back at El, searching her eyes.

"El, is this it?" I ask.

"Yes."

She sets off towards the building and I quickly follow behind, attempting to prepare myself whatever we might find. Inside is not much different to the exterior, boxes, crates, barrels, and planks littered the interior and it was harder to find a surface that wasn't covered in graffiti. The entrance we stood in was part of a small alcove, and it was clear the further you stepped inside the ceiling extended. But what caught my eye were the four people huddled around another makeshift firepit.

One girl, who was perched on several cushions and lighting a cigarette began to giggle teasingly.

"You should do stand-up, Axe. There's a spot a few blocks away."

The group chuckled, and a tall lanky man with a large mohawk unlike anything I've seen before rolled his eyes with a smirk. Among them, a rather large and beefy man, who clearly seemed to be the muscle, and another young woman in cuffed jeans, gloves and a dark green flannel.

El called out to them and I panicked, though logically I knew we needed make ourselves known regardless.

"Hello?"

The group stopped and turned, their faces illuminated by the fire gifting to them a very chilling tone.

A sickening smirk curled along the tall lanky man, and he struts around the fire towards us.

"Well, well... What do we have here?"

The others rose from their spot and I looked anxiously between El and the others, though I somehow managed to keep a still face.

The others began stalking towards us and I could feel my heart rate pick up. The woman in the green jacket scoffed, looking us up and down and it seemed she couldn't tell which of us looked, stranger.

"What are those, overalls?" She asked finally.

The other young woman had stalked around us and she stopped at me. I tensed and she looked me up and down before jabbing a finger in my shoulder and nudging me roughly.

"And get a load of this one," she squeaked, blowing smoke into my face.

I coughed, swiping it away and they all laughed. She turned to me and faked a pout.

"What's the matter girlies? Thought your little slumber party could use a fun little adventure, in the big city, huh?"

The others chuckled softly, and I stifled an eye roll. Her mocking tone fell into a serious one shortly after.

"Well, you ain't gonna find it here, go on back to the farm now."

"We're looking for my sister."

My eyes flickered to El in surprise, but they quickly returned to the group. Once again, not wanting to give away too much but I do have to applaud El's quick thinking.

"Aw..." Cooed the man with mohawk mockingly. "Shirley Temple lost her sister. So sad."

"I saw her. Here."

She reached into her bag and pulls out the photograph from Becky's.

"Uh-uh," The large man said suddenly. "Hand out of your pocket. Slow."

El complied and the lanky man ripped the photograph from her hand.

"Give me that shit."

For the first time, he hesitated, shocked and caught off-guard and the woman in green stepped forward when she caught a glimpse. She ripped it from his grasp, just as he had done previously and gaped.

"Is that Kali?"

"Kali?" El asked.

Mohawk stepped forward, growing tense and took advantage of his height and towered over El, zeroing in on her. I tensed but I never left her side.

"How did you find us? Who else knows you're here?"

El backed up slightly and I spoke up urgently.

"No one knows we're here."

"And no one asked you, shithead." My face soured and he returned to El. "Is this true Shirley Temple? So, what then? Poof! You just show up like magic with that picture?"

"Stay calm." The woman in green warned. "They're just kids, alright?"

He turned on her quickly, snapping at her.

"Some kids that could get us all killed."

He returned his attention to El and pulled something from his pocket. My eyes fell to the object in his hand and I was as certain my eyes were wide as saucers as sure as I was that everyone could hear my heart thumping against my ribcage.

"If I have to ask again, Shirley, you'll start losing things." He unsheathed his knife and began pointing it at El's face. "Starting with those pretty little locks of yours. Yeah?"

I looked desperately between the man and his companions, each of them seemed uncomfortable with his actions in varying degrees. The woman in green stepped forward, extending her arm.

"Come on, Axe. Put down the knife." She warned.

The blade grew closer towards her face and he only grew angrier.

"How did you find us?"

"I saw her." She said, her voice came out rushed and shakey not that I blamed her.

He advanced further, the knife growing closer to her face and everyone's voices began to drown in the deafening roar of blood pumping in my ears. He was beside me now as El kept backing away.

"That's not an answer!" He roars.

"Axe!"

I throw aside my common sense and step towards them. Before anything can happen, he freezes and begins examining his hand frightfully. He steps backward, his blade-wielding arm extended as far away from his face and torso as possible and his breath becomes shaky as he speaks.

"Jesus. Jesus Christ!" He huffs.

He chucks the knife on the concrete behind us, the blade nearly nicking my legs. He looks up and down his torso, and his face goes pale. He frantically swipes at himself, several squeals of fear elicit from him and El and I share a confused look.

"Get off! Shit!"

He is running across the room, hunched over, and desperately swatting at his head, face and arms deranged. I have to step back to avoid his path as he maneuvers around me and his companions have to do the same.

"You're a terrible dancer, Axel."

Everyone including myself turns our heads towards the source of the British voice. On the stairs, leaning on the banister with a sly smirk was another young girl. Half of her head was shaved, the other half was tinted purple and like the others, she dressed in grunge, but oddly they didn't seem shabby or cheap.

The guy named Axel relaxed, only for a moment before it evolved into anger. He smacked his head angrily and gestured towards her as she came down the steps.

"I told you, Kali, stay out of my head." He spits.

"So we're threatening little girls now, are we?" She asks, striding towards us.

"They know about you." Axel defends.

The girl with the bow, the one mocked me, stepped forward with the photo El had and gestured to her.

"Farmgirl here had this."

The new girl, the one I can only assume to be the one we were looking for, grabbed the photo. She seemed to be hiding her shock, and El cautiously approaches her. She eyes El up and down suspiciously, her gaze flickering past her to me on occasion.

"Where did you get this?"

"Mama," El answers, taking the photograph back and placing it in her bag.

"Your mother gave this to you?"

"In her dream circle," El says.

I raise my brow, and as I suspect the others don't take to it, or her very easily.

"Dream circle," Axel scoffs, pacing the room. "I think she's a schizo or something."

I gape at him, unable to stop myself but he doesn't see me. I desperately want to say something but I know I have to be careful less I start something.

"Says she's looking for her sister."

"Yeah. Like I said, schizo."

I take a deep breath, clenching my fists. I'm reminded of the first night we met El. When we both overheard the boys saying those awful things about her. That she was from the nuthouse. It angers me that so many people out there are so quick to judge people they don't automatically understand. My glare follows him across the room and as he bends to pick up his knife. I smirk when I see the knife fly through the air and into El's waiting hand.

Mumbles of surprise bounce around the group, but I simply watch as El confidently folds the knife and hands it to the girl.

"I saw you. In the rainbow room."

Something in the girl's eye changes, she begins to stalk around El before she stops halfway to stand beside her.

"What is your name?"

"Jane."

I can't say I was expecting that, but yet I wait. I concentrate my energy on keeping my jaw clenched. I've been fighting my chattering teeth ever since we entered and the muscles in my jaw have grown weak. But in a weird way, I begin to forget it's there as I watch what is unfolding before me.

Kali grabs El's left wrist and pushes back her sleeve to reveal her tattoo. El reaches for Kali's left wrist and they compare before sharing a chilling look. El's eyes grow cloudy and I can her lips trembling.

"Sister." She whispers.

"Sister," Kali says.

The two embrace in a tearful hug I grow uncomfortable where I stand. I tuck my arms in further where they have been fused against my chest, and I shift on my feet my tempter growing short. I don't understand why I feel this way but I do. I want to be happy for El, but something feels off. Maybe I'm jealous because I thought me and El were close, she was the first real female friend I had and we both came from the same place. But I guess she found that with someone else. I never really was from there, not that I wish I was but at least I could someone to lean on with having powers.

And yet, that didn't seem to be what bothered me most. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I can't help but feel like things are only going to get more slippery.

Before I can dwell on it more, they break apart and Kali takes El's hands in her own giving them a squeeze before releasing. The two smile at one another and my eyes fall to my feet. The ends of my sweatpants are still soaked I can feel the water in my shoes. And yet the most chilling thing I felt at that moment was Kali's eyes on me.

"Jane, who is this?" She asks.

"Y/n. My friend."

I break my gaze away from my shoes and I give her a small wave, forcing a smile.

"Hi," I mumble, trembling.

She looks me up and down, her suspicious gaze creeping back up in her eyes. Her intimidation faltered when she allowed herself to register my odd outfit. The question seemed to have a bigger demand than her previous one, and she seems to dismiss a thought.

"Why are you in pajamas?"

"Long story," I mutter, my teeth chattering once more. "We had to up and leave unexpectedly and I didn't get a chance to change or grab any spare clothes."

Her brows furrowed suspiciously, and for a moment I worry. I can feel myself squirm under intimating gaze but then I feel a wave of relief when I see her crack a smile. She chuckles and looks to the tall woman in the green jacket.

"Funshine, take her upstairs and help her find some warm clothes. I'm gonna talk to Jane. Alone."

Her eyes fall on me, her amusement fizzled out into what I could have sworn looked like a warning glare as she spoke the last word. My eyes fall to El and she smiles happily at me, before looking excitedly to Kali unaware of the cold shoulder Kali was giving me. I tense, not wanting to be separated from El, but I try and comfort myself in the fact that Kali does seem to genuinely care for El. Though that was just as worrisome.

The larger man nodded, stepping forward and gestured to me. I looked to him surprised, my eyes flickering to Kali and she smiles.

"Don't worry, he's nothing but a big softie," Kali says, turning and leaving with El.

I look back at the man and he smiles warmly, I can feel myself relax and I even find myself smiling back at him.

"Don't worry, we'll get you some nice warm clothes."

Reluctantly, I follow. We walk side by side, falling in line behind El and Kali though they disappear around the corner and Funshine directs me to one of the makeshift bedrooms. My eyes fall to the fire pit in the corner and I eye it longingly. He gestures towards it and ushers me along.

"Go ahead, wait but the fire. I'll be right back with some warm clothes." He says, heading through the doorway.

I smile shyly, eagerly gravitating towards the fire.

"Thanks."

He left through the door and disappeared around the corner, and I stifled a smile. I could feel the heat washing over my body and I felt myself relax in the slightest. I only wish there was a faster way to dry my legs but before much longer, Funshine returns. He glides across the room with some clothes in his hands.

"Here, I gathered around stuff that I thought would fit you best." He tosses them on the bed next to me and begins to walk out. "I'll let you change."

Eagerly, I pick up the clothes and I watch him retreat. Out of the whole bunch, and my brief encounter with them, I trusted him the most and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

"Hey," I call out, growing nervous.

He stops suddenly, and turns around, giving me a curious look.

"Thank you," I mumble, smiling. "For the clothes."

Another friendly smile stretches across his face and once again he nods.

"You're certainly welcome."

+++

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[reflectionsforalostsoul]

One

I don’t know what to say. What do you say when you feel like the world is ending? There are a million ways that life feels over. The pandemic. Climate change. Pollution. Lack of resources. Misinformation. Lack of values. Lack of morals. The list could stretch on. 

I am not a scientist. I am just someone who started their existential crisis a few years ago, who now suspects that many others are caught up in their own crisis as well. How did I get there? That isn’t something I am ready to talk about, but I can tell you that I think it started for me the way it would start for most people. I lost my faith in humanity. 

I had always been an optimist. Someone who always had hope for the future. I saw the good in people, but then again, don’t we all at some point? Yet life experience slowly erodes that youthful naivety that some of us are naturally imbibed with, and perhaps it was only a matter of time before that slipped away. It was like I had been stumbling around for years in some kind of haze that I can only liken to drug induced euphoria. And then they pulled out the rug and I was on my ass sober. 

My perception grew sharper, and I tried to tune things out the way I had before but found myself unable to. I was noticing the people around me in ways I never had before. 

Social media made me sick as I scrolled through my feed. Everyone carefully wording the things they shared to cast them in a positive light. The desperation for attention… Sharing countless memes to let the world know, Yeah, I’m funny. I’m a catch. You should know this. Everyone needs to make it known that they say what’s on their mind, consequences be damned. I mean, maybe they are blocking dear old Grandma from their stories, but everyone else is going to know exactly why you have a problem. 

Maybe I am explaining it wrong. Let me just tell you exactly what I think.

People complain about the pandemic’s effect on mental health. Everyone feels cut off. Disconnected. But I’ve been feeling that way all along. I think people have been unaware of the great disconnection we are all experiencing and are just now realizing when confronted with social distancing alone we are all feeling. 

Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just my age. My Mother told me one day I would have a family and disappear into it. She said when you have kids that slowly life becomes more about them than anything else, and friendships fall by the wayside. This was told to me when I asked her why her friends didn’t visit anymore. I didn’t believe her. I was just a child and there was nothing more important to me than my friendships. The thought that my best friends wouldn’t always be a part of my life was ludicrous.  I vowed to prove her wrong. That would not be my life. 

My Mother had a funny way of doing that. I always knew she was an intelligent woman, but there were so many pearls like this that she shared with me throughout my childhood that would make me react in disbelief. So many times she was right, and now it’s too late to say it to her… But let me digress.

That’s not my life, you might say. My friends still come around. They still call. We have a great relationship! I am happy for you then. But I am not talking to you. I am talking to those people who are curating their online profiles with a fine tooth comb in an attempt to get recognition. Bad self esteem is easier to handle when you get positive reacts to a selfie. Anxieties about parenthood are easier to handle when you share an inspirational quote about how you need your children more than they need you. Your marriage isn’t so toxic when people are fawning over pictures of your special anniversary dinner together and saying things like, “You guys are so lucky,” or, “Look how happy they are!” Maybe things aren’t as bad as you think they are. Everyone else sees how happy you two are together. As a matter of fact, people constantly say how happy your entire family looks. Maybe you are focusing on the negative too much. You’ve gotta work on that. You have to be less negative. So, you share some more inspirational bullshit to your friends and family online. You take lots of selfies and caption them that you are loving your life or that you are #blessed. 

It makes you feel a bit better. The tightness in your chest lessens a bit when your friends and family hit that like button. They wish they had your life. You are lucky. You are grateful. 

I feel bad for the children though.

They will never experience what life was like before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every old person says this. Things were better in my day. It is almost a cliche. Unfortunately most people tend to view the past through a nostalgia filter. My Mom didn’t do that. She constantly told my siblings and I how lucky we were to be around for such a wonderful period of human history. She marveled at video games and happily played them with us. She was jealous of us getting to experience what she called the Golden Era of Disney. She made sure we appreciated the time we were alive in. I am aware of my children’s luckiness too. They have a world of information at their fingertips. Pictures and videos can happen at the touch of a phone screen ready to preserve all those precious memories. That’s nice. It really is. I would have died for a video camera in my childhood. Plus, they are living through meme culture. Such hilarity. So many funny vloggers. So many silly trends… What a time to be alive!

My kids do not ride the school bus though. They are considered car riders. The week they are with me I drop them off at school and the week they spend with their Dad his Mother drops them off. My kids get sad about this sometimes. The thought of riding the bus with their friends seemed like an adventure. They had heard funny stories from friends and even from their family. They wanted to experience it. So, I made it happen. 

Those young bright eyes were wide with excitement as they waited for the school bus. They had had to get up way earlier that morning since a bus route takes much longer than me driving them directly, but they didn’t mind. They were hopeful. Their morning held so many possibilities. Their joy at the novelty of it all made my chest swell with happiness. It lessened my nervousness about it. Yes, bus rides could be fun, but there is always potential for harassment or bullying. That morning I pushed my anxiety aside and focused on the moment, tried to live in it with them. We laughed as we said goodbye that morning. I could feel the excitement. For a moment I was transported back to my own childhood and that flood of adrenaline on the first day of school. I couldn’t wait for them to come home and tell me all about it. 

That afternoon I picked them up from school. There wasn’t enough time for them to ride in the afternoon, not with homework and dinner prep. So, I waited in the car rider line at the school drumming my fingers on the steering wheel in anticipation. I kind of expected happy little hops towards my car when they came out the door, but when I saw them it was a bit more reserved. They looked sleepy and ready to put their long day behind them. I was kind of surprised, but it happens like that sometimes. School can be exhausting. 

Immediately they relaxed when getting in the car, sinking down with exhaustion. I turned on the music and we drove. They said they were tired from getting up so early. I had forgotten about that. So, I asked the question I had been waiting all day to ask, “Well?”

They both gave me a shrug. I was confused. I expected to hear stories of them chatting with friends. Not the disinterested attitude they were displaying. It took the whole ride home to figure it out. Apparently they didn’t do much talking with their friends because everyone has a cell phone nowadays and there were sixty little faces glued to their phone screens the entire time. My children were feeling disappointment but also jealousy. They wanted phones too and didn’t understand why they weren’t allowed to have one yet. This wasn’t how I had expected the day to go. I sensed opportunity in that moment. Those pearls of wisdom my Mother gave me in my childhood? I was determined to do the same. Our car rides were where we had our most serious conversations because there are no distractions to the kids. It is one of the only times I have their undivided attention, so I spoke. 

“Babies? I am really sorry for how the bus ride turned out. It wasn’t what you were expecting, and I know that you’re feeling frustrated, but this just shows why you don’t need a phone yet. You’ve just seen it yourselves.” My son looked angry at my words. He has been asking for a phone for several years and I sometimes wonder if he feels embarrassment at not having one like all of his other friends. I continued before I could be interrupted and lose my train of thought. 

“My childhood has lots of happy memories. When I am sad sometimes I think back to other happy times in my life and it helps me to get through the day. I have so many memories with friends and family that I treasure-”

“But if I had a phone I could record those memories,” my daughter interrupted angrily from the back seat. 

“You are missing my point, let me finish,” I admonished her. “Lots of people are missing out on good times and fun because of their phones. You all don’t see it that way but it’s the truth. People get addicted to their phones, and not just children. Adults are addicted too. They miss out on everything happening around them. When I go to visit Grandma I always feel frustrated because she isn’t paying any attention to me, her face is buried in her phone. Apps that you would use are MADE to be addictive. There are studies about this. You get a rush of dopamine, your happiness chemical, when you get things like reacts from your friends. People are becoming so dependent on it that they are creating any true happiness in their lives. They are slaves to their phones. It isn’t just social media, phone games are made the same way. They pay people big bucks to manufacture games in a way that leaves you coming back for more, over and over. It is how they make money. People pay to speed up the reward systems in these games, and it is like being manipulated.”

“I wouldn’t get addicted,” my son muttered angrily beside me. 

“That’s what everyone thinks, but it happens slowly. You know how we do family dinner? Do you ever see me on my phone?”

“No,” they replied in unison. 

“Exactly. I think it is the pinnacle of rude behavior to sit down to dinner and ignore everyone around you because you are playing on your phone. That isn’t how you create good memories. When you have a bad time you think back on the good times, right?”

“Yeah,” replied my son.

“And those good times involve your friends and family, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When you are going through something hard you are going to look back on times where you felt joy, or when you shared laughs with your friends over something funny that happened. You will never think back to hours spent on a video game, especially a phone game.”

“But I have had fun playing online with my friends! You’re wrong,” my son quickly pointed out. 

“Yes, I can see some good memories happening in those instances, but for the most part you are playing alone. Those good times are few and far between. You might have had a laugh over something happening on the game, but how long will you hold that memory dear?”

What I should have said before we arrived home, and maybe it didn’t occur to me to say at the time, I love looking back on experiences with people where we had deep conversations. Where we were discussing important things. Where our young minds were filled with the wonder of infinite possibilities. Do I hear my children having conversations like that? I do not. There is hardly any depth. Before you say that this is me being old and being disconnected from the youth, let me say that I am not the only one who had deep conversations with their friends in childhood. You cannot say that you never pondered the meaning of life and what your role in it was. 

Are children not having as many of these conversations because we are not teaching them that skill? Or are they more guarded because there are so many more ways to experience bullying these days? Do they feel unsafe to open up? I know that I am making mistakes as a parent myself. My son told me that he wanted to be a famous youtuber one day, and I couldn’t stop myself from showing that I was unimpressed with his aspiration. I asked my son why he no longer wanted to be a writer and said matter of factly that it was a terrible idea. I shut a door between us before it had even fully opened. I didn’t mean to, and have apologized, but I know that I will never get it back. How can he open up to me when I disregarded something so important to him? I didn’t mean to do it, and I regret it. 

It wasn’t just the job itself though, it was my motherly instincts. 

My children have not had to deal with online abuse yet. They have never been bullied in that way. They simply cannot fathom how nasty people can be when cloaked in anonymity. How many online influencers have killed themselves in the past year? Several that I have read about. 

Eventually my son did ask why I had a problem with it, and I finally got to explain a little. I mentioned the nastiness of online comments, the suicides, and the depression that these people struggle with. My son assured me that he could just ignore nasty comments. I’m not so sure. 

My son is definitely funny. He talks to himself while playing video games frequently and I can hear him from the other room. I am constantly chuckling at his antics and sound effects. Do I think people could appreciate his videos? Definitely. I love his commentary. Do I think people will be jerks to him anyway? Yep. That’s what people do. It is their outlet for their hate and rage in life. People take it out on others online, because when you act like a jerk online there are rarely any lasting consequences. Maybe a temporary ban or mute, but then these online bullies very often have multiple accounts so that they can continue their bad behavior unimpeded. 

I try to reflect on my motives often. I find myself wondering about others motives all of the time, so I try to scrutinize myself in the same way. Because another big problem that I notice in life is that people are not searching for introspection and very often do not understand their own motivations. People lie to themselves constantly, and if there is one thing I am sure of it is this, if you cannot trust yourself, how can you trust anybody?

Am I being a terrible parent at this moment? I definitely feel I screwed up in my response to his aspiration that he shared with me. Is this me being overprotective and stopping him from pursuing his passions? How much damage have I done by my initial response? I want my child to feel he can talk to me, and I just made a common parent blunder. Every generation of children feels that parents just don’t understand. I want to do better. 

Fame is fleeting and leaves you under the microscope of public scrutiny. I would never want that for myself, and cannot imagine my son dealing with those pressures. Way too much importance is placed upon external validation. Yes, it’s nice to have but I think it is much better to validate yourself. Don’t get me wrong, my Mother validated me constantly. She made me feel so intelligent, so witty, and so wise. I think she was the greatest for this, but it is necessary to validate one’s self as well. When you are dependent entirely on other people’s praise and all of your self worth comes from the attention of others you are destroying your own resilience. Sure, people preach self love constantly these days, but I don’t see it working too well in most cases. People are bashed for being prideful, or maybe they were prideful about the wrong things. Why are you so focused on loving yourself at any weight? Don’t you know that skinny shaming is a thing? Don’t you know that your outside is irrelevant? What matters is on the inside! Insert eyeroll. These aren’t my thoughts, but just an example. Everyone has an opinion and the internet gives them a place to share it. There will always be someone who is critical of your view. Preach self love all you want, but it is still so hard to come by. 

Have I helped equip my children with resilience or self love? They seem to struggle with it. Have I praised them enough? Do I feel that they are mentally strong? Not as strong as I would like, but I fear the ways they could attain mental strength. I have experienced a lot of rough times in my life. I have overcome adversity. I have been at the bottom and drug myself back to the top. Is that the only way to build mental strength or resilience? Through pain? Everyone struggles in life. Will my children’s struggles help them to grow to be strong people or will it leave them a broken person constantly questioning their own validity? 

No one knows the future. How do we know that our methods are right? We can only proceed based on our own life experiences and knowledge. It is so terrifying not to know what the future holds. What seemingly inconsequential things did you say or do that will reverberate through your child’s life and affect them in ways you cannot begin to imagine? Hindsight is easy. Staring into the unknown future is much harder. It is incredibly difficult to face. Every single person is capable of causing untold amounts of ripples that expand into society and spread throughout the word. 

Do you ever think about your own ripples? 

Some people are aware of it and try to send out good ones. They try to pay it forward whenever conceivable. Maybe they pay for the person behind them’s meal in line at a drive through restaurant. Maybe they bring donuts for their coworkers. Maybe they stop and help people alongside the road who need help changing a tire. There is plenty of good still in this world. It isn’t all bad. But are we as a society focusing enough on the bad ripples? The bad energy we are sending out into the world?

So few seem to care these days. Humanity as a whole is selfish. It isn’t your fault, that is our nature. It is how we survive. But deep down how many times have you made an exception for yourself because you are special, you are you? The pandemic has really opened my eyes to people’s inherent selfishness. How dare you try to inconvenience me by requiring me to wear a face mask? I don’t care that it is mandated, and that you are simply doing your job, I am going to harass and abuse you! You may not be in support of wearing a mask on a personal level, but I don’t care about that. I am not going to live my life in fear like all of you sheeple. So, be prepared, I will hit you. I will spit on you. I will shoot you. Seems dramatic, right? But this has happened over and over again in this past year. 

I want to ask where is the humanity, but I am beginning to fear that this IS humanity. 

So often I struggle with wondering, is humanity worth saving? If this is the end-times do we deserve another chance? What makes us redeemable? The only answer that I can come up with is love. We are redeemable because of love. Maybe you have a better answer than me. Love is the only thing that I can come up with at this moment, and even that is hard to hold on to. I feel myself spiral and losing faith in humanity on a daily basis almost, and I have to make a conscious effort to remember the good things. Those loving moments that we are capable of. 

The animals that we rescue. The children that we pray for. The couples who still love each other after many trials or years. The art inspired by it, or the music. Love is a universal feeling. It can unite us, though we face the ever present danger of hate dividing us. I am so past hating stuff. I can tell you that I intensely dislike our former president, but do I wish his death like I have seen others do? I do not. I think we have a world full of damaged people searching for meaning, and there is no manual. We are all trying our best and are making decisions based on our own life experiences. What is right to you is wrong to someone else. It doesn’t mean anyone is wrong. It is just perspective. There is no other way to view it that I am aware of. We all have different perspectives, our own personal narratives of events. That is just what humanity does. We are not a collective consciousness. So many people try to make things black and white, when really there are nothing but varying shades of grey. Had I lived your life and been through the things you have been through I might feel very differently. This is just my opinion on the matter, based upon my own life experiences. I don’t hate you for feeling differently than me. I just get sad sometimes that we struggle to find common ground. I want us to succeed. I want humanity to persevere. 

How do I explain everything that is on my mind lately without making you feel it is endless rambling? I know this started with a list of things that make it feel like the world is ending, and I could go on forever. Do I drone on and on, or should I find some semblance of structure? I do not mean to be a bore, but there is so much to address. Is this a diary? Is this to my children? I am unsure. Maybe it is just for me. Maybe I just need to find the words that can make a difference. I don’t know about you but for quite a while now I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that time is running out and there is something I must do. I hope that by trying to organize my thoughts I can figure out what it is. 

[youarejesting]

Curse.12 Again

[First] [Masterlist] [Next] Beta: N/A Rating: PG Pairing: Prince!Jin x Reader Genre: fantasy, romance, comedy, drama, mystery, and more good stuff Words: 2.4k

Summary: A modern-day fairy tale whereby seven young princes born under King Bang’s greed cannot find true love. Unless they break a special spell, called the ‘Bang curse’. In order to break the curse, Prince Seokjin must be loved by a ‘Blue’ blood, by a royal. That seems almost impossible when you have a pig nose. (based off the movie Penelope)

You left rushing out of the palace and throwing the coat to the van and jumping on the first bus towards your work. In such a rush, barely taking a moment to check your phone, hoping you would make it on time. 

You arrive and the boss is sitting there looking at the clock, “you're eight-minutes late.” He growled and you frowned looking at him and checking your phone. 

“I’m only three minutes late, that clock is slow”

“You should be arriving at least ten minutes before your shift and leave ten minutes after”

“Only if you pay for the extra twenty minutes, I legally won’t step foot onto this premises before my shift starts for insurance reasons” 

“Listen don’t think about being late tomorrow or you will be fired” he breathed leaving you to run the store and you frowned taking a deep breath and getting to work. 

Once your shift was over you headed home for a quick shower before you had to go to the bakery. You saw the landlady walking the hall, you sighed this wasn’t going to work out. You grabbed your things and packed your suitcase with everything you owned in it. It was sad really that your whole life fit into one suitcase. 

You showered and changed leaving with everything and thanking the landlady for everything and apologizing that she had to put up with everything. You handed her an envelope. “This is everything I can give you right now”

“I wish you luck,” she said pushing the envelope back towards you. “I won’t take what you have left”

“Thank you I will definitely repay you one day,” you said looking at the floor “I will, I promise”

You took your suitcase and headed to work, it was a perfectly normal day at work. Everything was amazing and you were excited to see Seokjin again. 

After work, you dragged your suitcase to the palace and handed it to the van waiting outside while slipping on the pink blazer equipped with the tiny camera. 

Waking into the palace you were let inside and you walked the halls expertly. You located the room and in the middle of the room was a drum kit. You laughed, staring at it as you laid back on the couch closing your eyes for some sort of rest before Seokjin arrived. 

It didn’t take long before his beautiful voice filled the room, “You are back” With all the joys of a child seeing their favorite person return after a long absence. “How long have you been waiting?”

“Not long enough to nap,” the yawn that cut through would definitely be a prelude to many more.

He laughed, “I have decided you must play the drums you have excellent timing and you are spontaneous and very impactful and loud and wild like a drum” 

You nodded and tried to play the song ‘Epiphany’ you had tried to play every day for him but you were too busy laughing and banging the drums. “Okay, I get it, you don’t play the drums.” He was hysterical and it was a type of boyish flair you didn’t hear from him often. A pure sound, unlike his melancholy tones you were used to.

“You sound happy today?” You grinned walking closer to the mirror and smiling up at him “Why don’t we go out, we can get food and drink. You are losing your twenties in a tower, my prince”

“I can’t” his voice dwindled again and you pushed further you were wanting more and more of him every day, whether it be his voice, memories, time or physical presence you wanted it all and you didn’t know how much longer you could sit and be happy with these interactions.

You placed your hand flat against the glass and gave it a tap. “Jin?” 

“You don’t have to leave yet do you?” His voice seemed disappointed, a return tap against the mirror signaled his hand was pressed against the reverse side, lined up with yours. 

“I want to see you?” You whispered; eyes searching the glass and starring fixed where you could only guess he was watching. 

“You really don’t?” He sighed, sounding distant like he had stepped away, “once you see me you will leave, they always do.” 

“Not me.” There was truth in your words, he could honestly be the most hideous man on the planet and you would still feel this way. “If I left, I think I would miss you too much to stay away”

“I just can’t” his voice seemed distant and all you could feel was the cold glass reflecting your desperate eyes. This was just supposed to be work but you were getting attached to him. It was a dangerous game and you knew you had already lost.

He was witty, his puns were lame but they made you laugh wholeheartedly, the way he spoke genuinely about his interests and his love for food and cooking. The way he spoke about his brothers you could feel how much he cared for them. Everything he gave you made you want more, it was an unquenchable thirst.

“Jin, are you still there?” You were scared it had dawned on you how much you longed for him and you couldn’t imagine a day without coming to the palace for one of your chats.

“I am still here?” He said quietly. You thought to give him some space and you sat on the couch when your phone alerted you to a text from your manager at the bakery. Apparently, some money had gone missing earlier that day during your shift and everyone was called to a meeting in half an hour.

“I really can’t handle this now” You threw your phone onto the next cushion and hung your head in your hands.

“What is wrong?” Seokjin’s voice called and you didn’t move a muscle or even make a sound as you were running through the shift in your head. 

“I have to go?” You whispered, standing and picking up your phone. You were close to tears the water that you had always waded in had gotten deeper and you used to be able to come up for air but now you were struggling trying to catch a break so you would have a chance to breathe. “Can, I come back later?”

“Of course, is something wrong?” He asked quietly and you nodded adjusting your handbag and looking back at the mirror.

“Only everything in my entire life” You turned to leave and he spoke three sad words that made your throat constrict.

“Is it me?” You strode back across the room and pressed your hands to the mirror.

“It is many things, but it could never be you” pausing for a moment you breathed. “I am sure you have enough beds in the palace, how about I stay the night and we can talk as long as you want”

“Really” He was excited by the prospect of spending more time with you, “I will get you a pretty room?”

“I want this one so I can be near you” 

“I will arrange a bed”

“As long as the bathroom is private, I don’t want anyone looking at me shower”

“I promise that there are no rooms that look into the bathrooms”

“I will be back after this meeting and then it’s you and me for dinner” You pressed a kiss to the glass and ran out of the room and the palace passing Adora and another young man and you threw the jacket at Jay park and Alana and told the two to drive to the bakery.

You jumped out and told them to wait, walking into the so-called meeting you saw the bakery was closed. Besides you, there were only two other people in the shop and they were the couple who owned it.

“Please take a seat,” the wife said looking rather cold and you walked over slowly and hesitantly.

“Where is everyone?” You asked

“We only invited you,” they said and it dawned on you, they believed it was you. 

“Ah you think it was me, well isn’t this swell?” you didn’t even bother taking a seat, instead you grabbed your handbag and began searching for your wallet “I get kicked out of my home this morning and now this, how much was taken from the till?”

The two seemed almost frightened by the sheer force with which you spoke. The woman seemed to try to match your fierce demeanor failing as she told you it was a few hundred. You counted out your money and threw it onto the table. Before turning from the shop and walking out. You leaned your head back in. “Oh, your husband has been sneaking off to the storage room with some of the young women who work here. You should leave him, he is a sleaze.”

You were throwing caution to the wind because what else was there to do, sit and cry about it, no you were not. You could sink to the bottom all you wanted and you weren’t going to struggle, because once you hit the ocean floor the only way was up.

The whole way back to the palace Alana and Mr. Park were nagging, “Listen we are running out of time, we need this photo” Mr. Park said as he drove away from your previous workplace.

“Why, Why do you need this photo?” You snapped

“Because he is a beast,” Alana said, causing you to roll your eyes, she was delusional obviously.

“Funny he seems nice enough, nice broad shoulders?” You thought back on Seokjin and your troubles seemed to melt away for a moment.

“Hello, Suryeon?” Adora asked “Right this way, Prince Seokjin has prepared dinner for you if you will follow me”

You were deep in thought about what the reporter had said, something about it didn’t sit right with you but the more you thought about it the more it gave you a headache. You were trying to push it away, so you could concentrate on your evening with Seokjin.

Outside the sitting room, Adora stopped you. “What do you think of the prince?”

“He is beautiful” You smiled “He is charming and his shoulders are so broad and he makes these dumb jokes that make me laugh. I feel like everything is okay when I am with him.”

She grinned, opening her mouth to press for more information when the door opened. And two young men stepped out. “Ah, you must be Miss Suryeon, I am Pddog the butler and this is Prince Taehyung”

“It is a pleasure to meet you, my brother speaks of you often these days” He smiled shaking your hand, “Please grow to love him.”

Almost offended by this statement, there was nothing wrong with Seokjin in your opinion that warranted some sort of plea. “Who says I don’t already?”

“He is waiting,” Pddog said and you pushed open the door heart racing. Only to see that there was a table pressed up to the mirror. The laugh that escaped you was a humorless one, figures he wouldn’t really be eating with you.

Dinner was pleasant you almost choked at one point from laughter. After a sweet dessert, Seokjin told you to open the small box on the bed. Looking inside you saw there was a bath bomb, a pink leaf shape with the scent of coconut.

“I thought we could use bath bombs together,” cheeks turning a bright red he laughed, “we would be in two different bathrooms but perhaps we could message or call and relax together.”

“Of course, that sounds lovely.” You were given directions to the guest bathroom and you were told everything was in there for you, you nodded scooping up some clothes and heading to the bathroom. 

You sat on the side of the tub amusedly watching the bath bomb fizz, before submerging yourself into the warm water. You took your phone and rang Seokjin placing your phone in a little holder so it wouldn’t fall into the water.

“Hello?” He answered

“Hello” you giggled “This bath is huge”

“Or, are you just small?”

“There was no need to attack me like that”

“I am sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you”

“Jin, it is a joke”

“Oh, okay, I’m sorry.” He spoke a little distantly “I saw my brother on the way here and he seems to like you, you must truly be an angel. My brother rarely trusts anyone with me.”

“I am honored he seems to approve of me” You heard a noise that sounded like a packet. “Are you eating chips in the bath?”

“No, I just opened a face mask?” His laugh was beautiful and loud echoing just right around the bathroom. “They will be on the left, you can use one as well if you like”

You were dressed and you entered back into the room your hair mostly dry. You curled up into the blankets and soft pillows and spoke with Seokjin until you couldn’t keep your eyes open any longer. You kept thinking back to what Mr. Park had said.

“Listen, I need this photo as much as you need the money. Okay, we all got a past, I wasn’t always an old cynical guy. I was humiliated as a young reporter. I was shunned and my pictures were torn apart in front of me. No one believed the apprentice and no one would listen if you said the king got into a car accident that orphaned a little girl. I was there I had the pictures. Now I won’t let those royals get away with anything.”

It was snowing and there were kids slightly older than you, they were teasing you.

Your parents were smiling at you from the front seat of the car, you remember the red light and the stopped taking a moment to turn and ask you if you wanted a hot chocolate. 

They through your pig plush toy over the fence.

Tires could be heard screeching in the background and the shattering of glass.

You were crying, cold, upset, and in pain. 

“You dropped this?” His voice echoed as did the glass breaking. “I’m Jin”

He was fading away, and all you could hear was crying. As his image faded you saw his face with a pig nose. 

You jolted awake and held your head in your hands. 

“Are you okay?” Seokjin’s voice called and you felt your body relaxing “You were crying, I thought you might have been hurt”

“I am sorry I woke you, I just had a bad dream”

“Would you like to tell me about it?”

“I think I remember how my parents died, I think it might have been a car accident”

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I Just Wanted To Be Edgy Too (Chapter Three)

Here is Chapter 3 of my fic. Hope you enjoy and it gives you something to do while you scroll through tumblr. Cheers

I Just Wanted To Be Edgy Too

Chapter Three

Van

I kept my sunglasses on as we drove through the rainiest parts of America and stared out the window of the bus. The tea in my hands grew cold an hour ago, but I was too tired to get up and heat it back up. Tea in the microwave never tasted the same to me anyways.

I tapped my finger on the side of the mug as Larry sat down in the bench seat across from me. I offered him a lazy half smile and brought the cup to my lips, pretending not to notice its lack of warmth.

"No sleep again?" Larry kept his voice low, but I could still hear him over the hum of the television a few feet away. Benji was sucked into a show on Netflix and Bob seemed just as interested.

I nodded and looked back out the window. Sleep and I were in a war with each other, and for the last six months I'd been losing. Some nights were easy, and I'd drink myself into a fog and have no problem surrendering to it, but I'd wake up rotten, full of aches and regrets. Most of the time, I'd nod off for a few hours here or there and wake up restless. No amount of writing or attempting to write new material could stifle the urge I had for sleep.

Larry knocked his knuckles against the glass and traced the droplets off rain with his index finger. We shared an ability to speak in silence, Larry and me. He'd been my best mate since we were kids, and even though he couldn't play a song to save his life, I couldn't imagine my band without him. He was a great tech, and someone who loved whatever job I'd appoint him to do. I could read his mind as he stared out the window, looking much older than the boy I used to laugh with in my parent's basement until dawn.

"I miss home, too." I said softly as I took another sip of cold tea.

Larry nodded on a shrug. "Steve said he messaged everyone about the itinerary for the holidays. Looks like we won't be going home until February."

I nodded. I used to feel personally attacked when someone wanted to go home and couldn't because of our schedule. I used to let it eat at me until I'd explode, but I'd learned to channel it into words and not take things so personal. I drove the band into this, it was my responsibility, but not one of us could have expected the success we were given. I warned them years ago that it would come with a cost. No one cared then, but that was before we all lost things that were important to us.

"Maybe we'll have some time off when we get there. Time to ourselves, it can be like old times."

Larry half smiled. "Will it ever be like old times again?"

I turned to look at him leaving my glasses on so I could keep my eyes hidden. I didn't want him to see the truth in them. I didn't want him to see the exhaustion, the worry, the fear. "It'll always be like old times."

Lie. I already told you, never trust a writer. By all means, I was a writer. But if I could pacify my best friend with a bit of a white lie to ease the tension at the table, then I would.

Larry nodded and smiled again, hope furrowing his brows. I wished it could be like it old times. I wished that more than ever. All of it happened so quick, and when we did catch fire, we kind of scorched everything. I burnt a lot of bridges I didn't mean to, and we all started to feel differently than we did years ago. It was heavier on our shoulders now though. A bigger chip. It didn't help that I hadn't been able to write new material in months.

"What was the deal with you and Barns at soundcheck last night?"

I was thankful he changed the subject, I'd had just enough of the heavy. I laughed a bit and leaned into the back of the bench seat. "He's awful inn't he?" I let out a long sigh and shook my head. "He reminded me not to let onto his girlfriend that he's been shagging other girls."

Larry shifted nervously in his seat. He knew I didn't like to talk about cheating, he knew I didn't like to bring up faithfulness in relationships. I had made mistakes too many times in the past for things I'd never forgive myself for. It was my crutch. "What brought that conversation on?"

I shrugged. "She was at soundcheck writing in a notebook and she had a camera. I assumed she was an interviewer and I was on one, so I kinda let her have it for a minute."

Larry leaned forward, a smug look on his face. "You ever seen an interviewer carry a notebook and hand write anything?"

I thought over his question and reached across the table and ruffled his hair. "I said I was proper on one, don't give me that."

"Alright, alright, mate. So, is that what worked up good ol' Barnsy then?"

"I couldn't say. Maybe. I'm not sure how much of it he heard. He was more worried about me slipping up to her I think. I'll be glad when this tours done. If I had any say innit I'd have him gone now. Call up someone else to finish the next leg."

Larry nodded his silent agreement to me. "You're not going to tell her...are you?"

I turned back to the window, glancing out at the endless highway and dull green landscape that rolled alongside of the bus. "I don't even know her, Larry."

"That's not the answer to the question I asked."

I waved my hand through the air. "I don't even know her so I why would I go out of my way to meddle?"

Larry stuck his lower lip out and nodded a few times before responding. "Because you hate Barns."

I laughed.

"I'm not being funny."

"I know. But I'm not getting in their business. That's on them."

"It's just not like you to not say somethin', especially somethin' about things like that."

"Well, I'm not. I don't care."

And that wasn't a lie. I didn't.

**

Bondy woke me up around nine thirty, when the bus came to a stop outside of a hotel in Nashville.

"You don't want to crash here for the night, mate. They got us rooms. C'mon, up you go."

"How long was I out?" I scrambled for my notebook, hoping I was able to get something down before I dozed off, but the pages were nearly just as blank as they had been when I started. The only words I had written down were "edgy" and "I don't know what to say". I didn't have any idea where I had been going with either of them. I tossed the book into my bunk and rubbed my eyes.

"Maybe forty minutes."

"Feels like I slept for days."

"You need to sleep for days, it'd probably fix you up."

I grabbed my bag and followed him off the bus and into the lobby where Steve stood with keys for us. The hotel was all marble tile and glossy counter tops. A chandelier hung from the center of the room and reflected onto the floor. The place looked a little too fancy for any of us. We all stood in dark jeans and leather jackets that were unnecessary for the warmth outside. We didn't fit in here, clearly. The manager of the hotel stood at the desk, a thin line of sweat coating his forehead. Luckily for him, it wasn't us he had to worry about. We weren't the rowdy ones...typically.

"Be down here by noon tomorrow, Van." Steve spoke sternly as he handed me my room key. He was still pissed about us playing Overlap and not telling him. I could hear it in his voice.

"I'll be here."

"You've got two interviews before soundcheck."

I raised up my hands and nodded. "Then let me get to my room so I can sleep."

I brushed past him and ducked into the elevator with Benji. Bob and Bondy were still talking to Steve and nodded their farewells to us as the elevator doors closed showing our reflections in their bronze walls. We both let out long sighs.

"Calling it an early night, Blakes?"

"I'm not as young as I used to be. And I can't stop thinking about that show we were watching. I'm going to soak in a few more episodes."

The doors opened on a ping and he stepped out, but paused for a moment and held his hand against the open door.

"Unless you want to do something." His statement sounded more like a question, and judging by the look on his face, it was a question he feared the answer to.

I shook my head. "I'm alright, probably gonna try to get some more sleep. Maybe I'll have some more luck like on the bus."

"Alright V. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Noon." I said in my best Steve voice. He laughed as the doors closed.

I rode the next three floors in silence staring at the ceiling the whole time. When the doors opened to my floor, I stepped out into the foyer and turned the corner to find my room. Just a few doors down from me stood Barns, fumbling with a key, Ellie at his side. I looked away quickly, down at my own key and pulled my bag over my shoulder tighter.

"Hey Hey!" Barns yelled out. I glanced up and half smiled, more so at Ellie than him. I owed her an apology, but now wasn't the time. I needed to do it when he wasn't around, because it needed to be sincere and I didn't want to slip up and say something about Barns.

"Hope we don't keep you up, McCann." Barns laughed loudly, flashing me his perfect teeth and tilting his head back. I glanced at Ellie, who blushed and pushed her way past him into the room. They disappeared behind their door just as mine opened. A fire burned in me that I didn't understand. Maybe it was just low tolerance for Barns and how vile he was. Maybe I was just jonesing for a drink.

I tossed my bag on the bed and glanced around the empty room for a few minutes before deciding I couldn't be in it. It was too hollow, too empty and quiet, and my mind was being loud and needy. I didn't want to sit in here alone and try to find sleep when I knew it wouldn't come. I pulled my phone from my pocket and typed in Benji's number.

I'm going down to the hotel bar. Turns out I need to do something else. You can meet me if you're up for it.

I shrugged my coat off and rolled the sleeves of my shirt up before sticking my key into my pocket and opening the door. I paused for a moment before making sense of who was looking back at me.

Ellie.

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever - Chapter Fourteen

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Warnings: Infinity War spoilers? This is just a filler chapter so we can get to the good stuff.

Masterlist

“He’s still asleep?” You asked. It was almost 1 in the afternoon and you hadn’t heard a word from Peter all day.

“I just checked and he’s completely knocked out. I’m pretty sure he was up all night playing Wings with Ned.” May chuckled. You laughed a little.

“Wings? Do you mean Halo?” You asked with a lighthearted laugh. May nodded in agreement.

“That’s the one. You’re welcome to wake him up if you like. I’m sure he’d much rather have his girlfriend wake him up than his aunt.” May said as she nodded towards his door.

“Aw, don’t say that. He loves you.” You argued playfully.

“He does. But I know my nephew. He has never loved anything the way he loves you. Even more than he loves being Spider-Man.” May replied. Your eyes widened at her casual mention of the masked hero.

“You know about Spider-Man?” You asked incredulously.

“Of course. I walked in on him fully in the suit and he still proceeded to tell me it wasn’t his. He’s brilliant but he’s also dumb as it gets.” May answered.

You laughed at Peters excuse. It reminded you of the time you told Ned you weren’t Venom directly after he watched you turn into Venom. Maybe you really were meant to be.

“Is all part of his charm.” You giggled. “I’ll go wake him up.”

You tiptoed into Peters room and slowly shut the door behind you. You saw Peter fast asleep and smiled at the sight. His mouth was slightly open and you heard quiet breaths escaping his partially parted lips. His hair was defying gravity as usual and you noticed him snuggling into something. You crept closer and saw that he was cuddling into a shirt of yours that had gone missing a few weeks back. The very shirt he claimed he had never even seen. You had chalked it up to going missing in the wash. You couldn’t even be mad. You thought it was sweet that he wanted something of yours to hold at night. You carefully climbed on top of him and bent down to whisper in his ear.

“Peter. It’s time to wake up.” You whispered. Peter stirred a little but didn’t wake up.

“Peter.” You said a little louder. “Guess what today is?”

Peters eyes twitched and he snuggled deeper into your shirt. You sighed in defeat. You needed a new tactic.

“Peter.” You tried again in a sing song voice. He groaned a little in his sleep. You ran your fingers through his hair and a dreamy smile appeared on his face. You sighed, knowing the smile wouldn’t last. You gave it one last attempt.

“Peter!” You yelled into his ear. His eyes shot open and he jumped into a half fighting stance. You fell over onto the bed in a fit of laughter.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.” You cooed. Peter groaned again and flopped back onto the bed.

“Why’d you wake me? It’s too early.” Peters whine was muffled by his pillow.

“Early? It’s 1 o’clock. I don’t want you sleeping away your special day.” You replied. Peters head perked up a little.

“My special day?” He asked.

“Yes. Happy 18th birthday my love.” You said happily and climbed back on top of Peter. You pressed 18 quick kisses all around his face. He laughed as you counted them off.

“14.” You kissed his cheek.

“15.” Other cheek.

“16.” A kiss on the forehead.

“17.” A kiss to the nose.

“And 18.” You leaned in and finally kissed his lips.

“Wait. I have morning breath.” Peter argued.

“I don’t care.” You smiled and kissed him again.

It was August 10th. You and Peter had been together for around three months now. You hadn’t broken up since the night on top of the Oscorp, just like you promised. You and Peter were at a very strong place in your relationship. You had been inseparable all summer. Days were spent with Ned and MJ doing regular teenage things, but nights were spent with just the two of you. You’d talk on the rooftop until the sun began to rise. And sometimes, you’d swing around the city in Peters arms just for fun.

Today was supposed to be the day Andy and Dani got married. You had called Dani after your battle with Carnage and explained everything. She wasn’t too upset, surprisingly. She was mostly glad that she found out how terrible Andy was before she married him. She flew down to New York and stayed with you for a week to catch up. You enjoyed your week with her more than the years you spent with Andy.

One month later, school had started again. Peter was in his senior year and his school was taking a class trip. You drove him to school on your motorcycle to say goodbye.

“Do you have your water bottle?” You asked him. You had asked him before you left but you wanted to double check.

“Yep.” Peter answered. He knocked on his backpack and you heard the clang of his metal water bottle.

“And your phone?” You made sure.

“Yep.” Peter pulled out his phone and showed it to you. His screen lit up with a photo of the two of you kissing on a rooftop.

“And you have your suit?” You whispered.

“Yep. Always.” Peter lifted up the sleeves of his hoodie and revealed his web shooter. It had a little cat sticker on it still that you had stuck on after his birthday. You smiled at the sight of it and fixed his sleeve.

“I’ll miss you.” You told him. Peter took your hands in his and rubbed them slightly with his thumb.

“I don’t have to go. I don’t even like modern art.” Peter laughed. You put your hand on his cheek and brushed his cheekbone with your fingertips.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll see you when you get back, yeah?” You kissed his sweetly.

“Yeah.” He nodded with a smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Have fun at MOMA.” You said.

Peter gave you a soft kiss and you heard an array of “ooo”’s and “ew”’s from his classmates. Peters ears tinted pink before he headed onto the bus.

You watched as he took his seat behind Ned and started up a conversation with him. Peter waved to you as the bus pulled away and you waved back.

A few hours later, you hadn’t heard from Peter. He was supposed to come back at 4 and it was currently 4:37. You knew it didn’t take him that long to walk home from school. You began to dial his number when you felt a pain in your chest.

“Y/n?” Venom asked. She sounded funny. “What’s happening to us?”

You tried to walk towards your bedroom but your knees felt impossibly weak. You gripped your countertop as you crumbled to your knees.

“Venom?” You panicked. “What’s going on?”

“We don’t know.” Venom answered weakly. Her voice was distorted. Your chest suddenly felt condensed and achy. A weird feeling spread throughout your body and you felt like you had to throw up. You opened your mouth to gag, and to your surprise, dust came out.

“Venom?” You cried. She didn’t answer. You began to cough up more and more dust. You couldn’t breath, hear, or see two feet in front of you. You could only gag and cough up dust.

“Venom?” You asked again. There was still no answer. You didn’t need her silence to know she wasn’t there. You felt different. You felt her absence. But most of all, you felt devastated. Hot tears gushed out of your eyes as you slowly stopped coughing.

“Wait!” You cried. “Take me too! What ever is going on, take me too!” You pleaded with the invisible force that had taken Venom from you.

“Please!” You begged. “Take me too. If you’re taking her, take me too.”

Nothing changed. You were left on the floor, broken and defeated. You felt empty inside, like a tether had snapped.

You dialed Peters number, but you received no answer. Neither did May, Tony, Ned, or MJ.

“Please.” You whimpered, to no one in particular. “Take me with you.”

You received radio silence. Even your sobs were silent.

“Take me too.”

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