#this is my personality!! this is how i act!!!!! write me like this instead of the ooc stuff you daydream about!!!!!!

[girlcowboy1]

I think gen z ultimately lost the war against mental illness when they decided to adapt the older generations rhetoric of "mentally ill ppl who have noticeable symptoms are bad and evil and must be avoided at all costs, they deserve to be alone and die alone" which... most people are not saying that outright, but that IS what they're saying, whether they realize it or not, when they choose to discuss these issues based on personal concepts of morality and punishment instead of approaching it with a mix of empathy and an understanding of science, and how the brain operates.

"Having a mental illness isn't an excuse" is true to a certain extent, but I think a lot of people don't understand that to an extent, it also IS an excuse. The only reason people like to believe that it isn't in any capacity is because mental illness is an invisible disability, and if there's one thing that people love to dismiss the impact of, it's invisible disabilities. Because we can't see what's going on beneath the surface, we struggle to understand the issue, we struggle to empathize with the affected person, whom we may prefer to instead write off as being lazy or malicious, when in reality they are in pain and/or are missing an important tool that helps them function the way they'd like to.

Before getting on medication, I felt and (still sometimes feel) as though I existed behind an invisible glass that separated me from everyone else. I could not understand the point of a lot of mundane things, I couldn't relate to those around me, I felt like my existence was a mistake that should have never happened and the universe was attempting to expunge me by making my life so hard I would kill myself.

And then I got on medication, and suddenly I was able to see things that I had never seen before but had existed in front of me the whole time. I was able to be kinder to people, to be more patient, to talk myself out of bad thoughts I would previously ruminate about for days and weeks. I was able to communicate more coherently, to express my feelings in a way I couldn't before. I wanted to do things again. I wanted to dress up, look nice. I wanted to BE nice.

Of course, these are all still things I struggle with. Like with most tools for disability, medication is helpful in giving me the ability to function in a way that makes life more enjoyable— but it doesn't completely cure the issue. The point is. I tried so hard, time and time again, to change on my own. I tried taking supplements, I tried mindfulness, I tried changing the way I eat, I tried self-help videos/books. But I was a deeply depressed, deeply agitated person whose brain was not wired the way it should have been. So none of what I tried would stick. I would act out in ways I KNEW was wrong, but when you get into a certain state of mind, it's difficult to speak to yourself, to talk yourself down from doing or saying things you know you probably shouldn't. Especially when you feel so isolated from others, and struggle to see the point in anything.

It was only after medication that I made long-term improvements. It was only after my brain chemistry was physically altered in a positive way that my brain could begin to function better, and that my outward behavior improved.

How the anatomy of the brain effects a person is a crucial part of mental health that gets left out of relating discussions too often, I think, and its where I believe gen z unfortunately tends to overlap with gen x and boomers. The brain is an organ like any other, and if it is damaged, or sick, or lacking somewhere in its anatomy.... it will not function properly. The person whose body it inhabits will not function properly.

[angrykittybarbarian]

A list of things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard Part 2

I already touched on a few things that caught my attention and personally irked me about the game. After getting through some more of it naturally a few more points have come up. Though I think they are not really new aspects but more concrete examples of what I had touched on last time.

Without further ado, let's get into it.

!Spoilers below the cut!

The dialogue is repetetive and at times contradictory

Like I already discussed last time the dialogue is bad, to express it in the simplest of terms. As I progressed through the game I stumbled upon a glaring example for what I mean.

In the questline where you infiltrate a Venatori meeting there is a part where Neve in disguise and in company of Rook and another companion gets a Venatori to admit that Elgar'nan was present but not Ghilan'nain. For some inexplicable reason Neve turns around and repeats this twice as if Rook wasn't present.

But moving on.

I stated in my last post that the game feels the need to state the obvious. This is what I mean. It makes the dialogue feel like a rough draft that was incorporated into the game without further polish.

As of its contradictory nature two examples come to mind.

In Harding's companion quest you meet this dwarf of Kal Sharok. His dialogue is stoic, no bullshit straight to the point and passionless. Which was fine. But after several minutes of him being that way they get to stone statue Valta who speaks in these misteryous riddles and suddenly he switches to this unserious tone of "Oh that weird statue, we never know what she's saying, ain't she funny." (I'm paraphrasing here). I was confused for half a minute because of his sudden change in attitude and left wondering what his characterization is supposed to be now: serious or quirky?

Same thing with Taash's whole story. This is especially upsetting because I feel like they could have done such great work with it.

Instead it suffers so much from several inconsistencies that I felt sorry for the VA because they actually did a great acting job.

Taash has a coming out scene with their mother where they reveal they're non-binary. Ignoring the usage of modern terms in a medieval-ish setting, the conflict about their gender makes no sense.

The writing wants you to believe Shathann is not okay with her child being non-binary but she never actually expresses such a thing. Actually Shathann sort of had an inkling that Taash was no ordinary woman ("Behaves more like a man...") and she never passed any negative judgement on it. When Taash told her this she even tried to understand by categorizing their identity into qunari vocabulary she knew (remember the term aqun-athlok?).

I get how hard it is to have an overly critical mother and the feeling of not being good enough but that was not what Shathann was about in that scene and it did Taash so dirty because they looked more like an entitled teenager than someone suffering from trauma and perfectionism.

Some old characters are mischaracterized

It's Scout Harding. I mean Harding.

I was really excited to have her as a companion in the new installment but they sort of butchered her character that I found myself annoyed everytime she opened her mouth.

And this is because they make her sound so immature. Really think about it. DATV somehow makes Scout Harding sound younger and more childish than she was in DAI despite the fact that she is supposed to be a whole decade older in DATV than in DAI.

I don't know what direction her VA recieved while recording but everything was pronounced so slowly and extra clear that it seemed at times that Harding was either talking to a confused elderly person or a child.

She herself uses expressions not fit for her age. The most jarring moment was when she called the Blight in D'meta's Crossing 'weird' and sounded like a teenager who has stumbled upon furry art for the first time on deviantArt. This pattern pretty much continues throughout the game. And it hurts so much.

Also Morrigan. She at least still uses her even for DA setting standards antiquated vocabulary but she is too happy and cheery and friendly.

Morrigan is not a nice person to those she does not know and like personally. But to Rook she was so nice despite having met them for the first time.

The Morrigan we have come to know love/hate should have been more snarky or at least more neutral in her demeanor.

The Venatori

I don't know why they are still a thing honestly. I was under the impression they have lost all footing after the death of Corypheus. Why would they follow the Gods of the people their country systemically abuses anyway?

Bonus: Why would the Antaam for that matter, as the qunari are so notoriously arcanophobic that they leash their mages, sew their mouths shut and literally call them "dangerous thing"?

Solas' spy network and agents

What happened to them? Where are they? Shouldn't he have a small army? Why weren't they used as the gods' agents instead of the Venatori? Surely, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain would have an easier time simply controlling Fen'Harels elven army after imprisoning him in the fade.

The Chantry

It is just not present. Sure there are some Chantry buildings but there is no discussion of faith. In all previous DA games the Chantry has had a constant influence that could be felt everywhere. Faith was discussed and explored from various angles and perspectives, ranging from ultra conservative to progressive. But in Veilguard it's not there.

Why are we not exploring the Tevinter Chantry more? Why doesn't Emmrich discuss the nevarran Chantry, who follows the Sunburst Throne in Orlais, in regards to the Mournwatch, their necromancy practices and magic? Why was he not affected by the mage uprising that started in Kirkwall? How does he deal with faith and the Chantry? It is simply never mentioned.

By all accounts, this game avoids delving into the world like the plague.

[twig-tea]

I'm still processing the end of Love in the Big City the series, but I wanted to jot down a few details and unfinished thoughts that are sticking with me after episodes 7 and 8 [series-only thoughts].

Putting together the timeline made me realize how many important moments in Yeong's life share or are near to the same anniversary; We know he contracts HIV in February (2014), and that Gyu-Ho leaves in February (2022), and that Yeong quits his job in February (2023).

In ep5, we see Yeong's phone where he has three missed calls from Gyu-Ho, and we can see that he's saved Gyu-Ho's name as Q~❤ [hearto], and that probably contributed to why he had hope that the mysterious Q was Gyu-Ho.

We see Yeong finish the soy sauce, and he said it was expired back when they were living together, so that means it's another year out of date. There's something in this metaphor about hanging on past when things are good and finally being able to let go.

When Gyu-Ho first looks at the elephants in the cheap Bangkok motel they were a pair on that nightstand, and he only took one of them.

The metaphor of the ceiling fan hanging over them like a threat the one time they have sex without a condom, how the trust that the fan will not fall feels similar to the trust that the PrEP pills will do their job. Thinking about the way Yeong says Kylie is his and how he wants to be sure she'll remain only his.

And how that ceiling fan ties connects with Habibi and his photos of ceiling fans, how the ceiling is the last thing he saw before he went blind for two weeks and so he takes photos of them in every hotel, how he uses it as his profile picture on hookup apps, how he is hiding from his family and the life he doesn't want by spending time with people on the verge of breaking, but holding on.

The way Gyu-Ho haunts the narrative in episodes 7 and 8 the way Kylie haunted the narrative in 5 and 6.

The perspective we got on the scenes from Yeong and Gyu-Ho's trip to Bangkok in 7&8 contrasted with the version we got in 5&6 was so well done; both versions fit together really well but cannot be fully reconciled because our memories are never perfect, and a person is not a character in a novel.

I also found myself pondering how they shot the scenes that reprise across Parts; did they have both directors on site for these moments and shoot them in the same day? The technical aspect of these is so interesting to me because of the different directors and how different these shots looked (not just in the nuances of how they were acted, but how they were coloured, framed, everything).

There's something in my head about how writing was what drove a wedge between them when they were together, what Yeong tried to use to keep them together forever on the lantern (and instead what tore up the lantern), and what he used to remember Gyu-Ho when they were apart.

Something also about how Eun Su was so much better off not being married, I was so relieved when we found out the wedding had been called off, and how the pressure to hide how he was feeling about what was happening in his life was what made him feel closer to Yeong.

I was just so relieved when the T-aras fell through that door after Yeong tried celebrating quitting his job by himself and instead fell into a depression for six days. I have had friends do a similar wellness check for me and I will never forget how loved it made me feel when I thought I was unlovable. I'm just so glad Yeong had the T-aras in his life; and their presence in this section was complicated but deeply moving. I'm still working through everything I think about how they functioned in the series, but I am so, so grateful for them, and to this series as a whole.

I absolutely loved it.

[riversofmars]

When All The Lights Go Out

Clearly, I lied when I said I would never write any Caitvi fic... Needed it out of my system, something something General Caitlyn Kiramman. I'm a predictable lesbian and can't wait until two weeks time for things to hopefully get fixed.

Spoilers for end of Act 1 of the second season. Porn with plot. Enjoy.

Vi is not prepared to give up on Caitlyn after their altercation in the ventilation shafts, at least not without having it out with her. Soon enough she finds herself back in her bedroom, climbing in through the window once more, and encounters the newly appointed General of Piltover. (Rating: Explicit)

“What the fuck are you wearing?”

Of all the things Vi had pictured she’d say when she sought out Caitlyn following their altercation in the ventilation shafts, that was not it. It was a blunt and ill-advised observation, but also all she could think to say when she laid eyes on her. Set in dark blue and gold as her enforcer uniform - familiar yet utterly foreign - Caitlyn wore a long cape that made her appear taller than she already was, and more menacing too, as her eyes snapped up to meet Vi’s across the room.

The newly crowned General of Piltover had strode into her bed chambers with purpose, unaware of the intruder waiting to greet her, and she stalled. It was hardly more than a flicker of uncertainty and surprise that flashed up in her steely blue eyes, but it was immediately drowned in the ocean of dark water. If eyes truly were a window into the soul, Vi dreaded to think what it meant for the woman in front of her. They had once been one of her favourite features of hers, full warmth and kindness, but now they were empty of such frivolousness - sharp, calculating, and cold.

It was more than obvious that Vi was not welcome in her home - not anymore - and part of her wondered why she had come at all. Perhaps it was a desire to stand up for herself, perhaps a desire to find some measure of closure, perhaps simply her desire for Caitlyn alone, pathetic as it was to think after what she had done. Whatever it was, it rooted her heavy boots to the floor and made her square her jaw in defiance.

Of course Vi had not arrived through the main doors, imagining Caitlyn would have instructed her staff not to let her in. Instead she had climbed in by the window, and all the way up the side of her body had ached terribly from the sharp jab of the general’s rifle in her stomach. Vi’d had worse, so many times and from so many, but this was a phantom pain, sharper, deeper than anything she had ever felt, and she resisted the urge to press her palm against her side that seemed to throb under Caitlyn's gaze.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was sharp, much like every aspect of her appeared to be. Even her features seemed more angular, more set, as she stared her down with barely contained anger bubbling beneath the surface. She had not forgiven Vi for what she had said and done, nothing had changed, and Vi was beginning to sense the futility of her quest.

“I- I couldn't-” She hated how her voice shook, but it was a reflection of where they stood, with Caitlyn at the advantage, holding all the cards, and Vi on the back-foot, the one who had come crawling back. And to what end? “I didn't want to leave things like that,” she strengthened her voice, raising her chin to appear taller than she felt. Everything about being in the world of the Kirammans made her feel small. Perhaps, at least, she could be the bigger person.

There was a moment of silence, turning on the edge of a knife that was gradually snapping single strands from the ties that had bound her to the other woman so fleetingly. The easiest thing for Caitlyn to do would be to simply throw her out, but credit where it was due, she was not one to do the easy thing.

“Do you realise what you said to me?” The general's words cut through the heavy silence, and of course Vi did. On her way over she had replayed their exchange countless times in torturous circles. “That I’m acting like the person who killed my mother.”

‘Because you were.’ Vi knew better than to drive that particular wedge deeper, the words that crossed her lips were different but no less accusatory.

“You said you wouldn’t change.” While a rational part of her knew that there was no way of telling which way grief would take a person, she had wanted to hang on to her promise and that wonderful kiss they had shared. Her first real kiss, come to think of it. She wasn’t completely without experience - in other areas too - but there were only so many real, meaningful encounters one could make when spending their teenage years in prison. None of it had meant anything, and she almost regretted it too, now that she’d had a taste of what the real thing might feel like. Perhaps that was why she wasn’t quite ready to give up yet.

“And you said I should take the shot if I had it!” Caitlyn took a threatening step towards her. “Where was your faith in me? I wouldn’t have missed!” She bared her teeth in anger, like a lioness advancing upon her prey and yes, she had a point. They had both gone back on something they had said, but righteous anger flared up in Vi’s chest as she remained convinced she had made the right call.

“Would you be able to live with yourself if you had?” she shot back, standing her ground and the other woman scoffed, though no joy or amusement was to be drawn from the sound.

“Would you have been able to live with it if I’d found my mark?” she growled and Vi couldn’t mask the flash of uncertainty that crossed her face. When they had marched into the chamber to confront Jinx, she had been sure. She had let Caitlyn take her shot and simply turned away. But when she had seen her sister - much as she tried not to think of her as such anymore - with the child… “Thought so…” Caitlyn spoke bitterly as she seemed to be able to read everything that was going through her mind. “She's still your sister.”

“And you're still an enforcer,” Vi spat, trying to regain some measure of ground in their exchange and she gestured at her change of outfit. “Or whatever the fuck you are now.”

Caitlyn’s expression hardened as though she had just remembered what exactly that was.

“And yet you're here,” she stated simply, looking her up and down, examining the dirty, torn enforcer uniform she was still wearing, lacking other options and ending on the hex-tech gauntlets. “Why?”

She hadn’t expected to see her again. The realisation struck Vi straight in the chest and left her winded. Was it really that easy for her? As easy as it had been to strike her and walk away? Or was she simply trying to act like it was? Vi couldn’t tell, not when Caitlyn hid any thought or emotion that could be perceived as weakness behind the hard façade she’d built.

Vi had no defences such as these to employ and she couldn’t lie either; she wouldn’t! It was time for some honesty at last and her confession tore itself from her throat in a violent outburst, as raw and angry as it was desperate.

“Because you're the only fucking thing I want, even if you embody everything I hate!” she yelled, fixing Caitlyn with a measuring look of her own, drinking in her appearance with bile rising in her throat. “Perhaps I thought that given the chance, having had a moment to reflect on your actions, you might apologise, but that’s not something you people do, is it?”

Caitlyn simply looked back at her, no answer or reaction forthcoming, just a blank, icy stare and with every moment what remained of Vi’s fool's hope drained away, confirming what she should have known. She'd been blinded by what she'd wanted to see.

“Have you ever been challenged on something before?” she continued sharply and advanced towards her, clenching her fists, the movement only pronounced by her gauntlets that shifted menacingly. “Have you ever not gotten your way? Have you ever apologised for anything?!” She raised her voice with every accusation, until it echoed through the bedroom.

There was stillness in the eye of the storm that whipped up around them, grief, disappointment, rage, a deadly flurry. Vi was breathing heavily, pleading silently with Caitlyn, hoping she could reach her behind her impenetrable shield.

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, it happened: the tension broke, the storm descended and Caitlyn broke out of her trance and senses, surging into Vi's personal space.

“You have no idea how many times over the past few weeks I have apologised to my mother for bringing all this on us!” she roared, losing her poise as her expression oscillated between rage and pain. “For my arrogance! For my stubbornness! For bringing you here and-” Her face was inches from Vi's, and it was a startling difference to the intimacy of the kiss they had shared.

“If you’re still looking for your mother’s forgiveness and approval in all this, I’m sure she would be very proud of what you have become,” Vi hissed, desperately trying to hold together the pieces of her that bent and splintered under the weight of it all. Everyone in her life had changed and where she had held out hope that Caitlyn wasn't too far gone, with every moment the outcome appeared more and more inevitable. Bitterness and disappointment laced her words as she passed her final judgement: “The fearless leader of House Kiramman. As cold as she is strong - a truly worthy successor.”

And there, Caitlyn's last measure of self restraint failed her.

“How dare you speak to me like that!” She yelled and catching Vi off guard, she shoved her backward, up against the wall behind her with an unrelenting grip on the collar of her uniform. She had always been stronger than she looked. “In my room. My house. My city!”

“Your city?” Vi echoed disbelievingly, fighting her body's involuntary reaction to the other woman's proximity, the way her body pushed into her own, the heat of her breath on her face. “Do you even hear yourself?!” It took all she had to fight against her, not because she was lacking in strength, but because of how much she wanted to have Caitlyn close. Desperately, she tried to ignore the ache she felt for her, resisting the ever-present urge to simply kiss her senseless.

Instead she shoved her off.

"And what was I meant to be?” she demanded as the general staggered back. “Just another thing that was yours?!” As tempting a thought as it was, it was so much less than Vi wanted.

“I didn’t force you to stay,” Caitlyn spat, catching herself on her feet. “You wanted to be here!”

“Because I thought you were different!” Vi's voice grew raw, half scream, half sob. “Imagine my disappointment to learn you’re just another power-hungry, selfish Pilti who doesn’t give a shit about people like me!” Despite it all, it felt good to finally have it out, unburden and disillusion herself from the notion that they had ever had a chance.

“I didn’t ask for this power!” Caitlyn seethed, breathing heavily but seeking to reign herself in, return to her composed self, and all Vi could do was shake her head, scoffing bitterly.

“Yet you wear it so well.”

“I think it’s best if you leave now.” Caitlyn decided at last, straightening herself out and raising her jaw. There was complete finality to her tone. They had both said all they needed to. “Take those gauntlets off, they’re not yours to keep.”

“Whatever,” Vi growled, surprising herself as she found she was past caring. She didn't need anything from the people of Piltover, certainly not their fancy weapons. “Give me my clothes back and you can have the uniform too.” She disengaged the locking mechanism of the gauntlets and the metal hit the ground, echoing as silence drew in, heavy and suffocating.

The end, surely.

Tears pricked the corners of Vi's eyes. Giving up was not in her nature but what was she to do in the face of such impossible odds and unrelenting force?

Caitlyn didn't answer but she turned, marching towards one of the chest of drawers that lined the room. Vi couldn't see her face as she busied herself in the task of pulling a drawer open, but she could have sworn her shoulders seemed to slump, if just for a moment. When she turned back, however, she’d pulled herself to full height once more with an unreadable, cold expression. She was holding a bundle of clothes, clean and neatly folded, the trousers and jacket Vi had arrived in Piltover in. Seeing the care with which they had been treated was almost too much to bear and almost enough to make her try again calmly, with a level head, but she wrote off the notion as quickly as it had occurred when Caitlyn didn't pass them to her as she approached, she simply threw them at her feet.

“If you’ve wanted me to kneel at your feet, princess, you should have played your cards right,” Vi growled spitefully, and swept the items off the floor.

“Fuck you,” Caitlyn hissed and the smaller woman scoffed, never having expected to hear the polite, well-mannered Pilti swear.

“You wish.”

There was a flash of something in Caitlyn's eyes, involuntary, surely, as she betrayed herself. Yes, she did. But it was too late for that now.

Suddenly, the air felt charged and snotty defiance took Vi over. It was petty really, but she was beyond caring. Everything was fucked anyway, and at least it would make her feel a little better to make Caitlyn squirm, show her that she couldn’t control everything.

In a swift motion, Vi tore open the uniform jacket that had always felt too restricting, uncovering her chest bound in nothing but white wraps. She was still dirty from the fight, smeared with dried blood and there was a dark bruise blossoming where Caitlyn had jabbed her with her rifle. But she also had a lean body to offer, strong arms and shoulders, abs that flexed with every one of her deep breaths she forced herself to gulp to try and hold herself together as the last good thing in her life fell apart.

The general took in a sharp breath, and Vi couldn't tell whether it was a reaction to seeing her injury or to seeing her so exposed. It didn't matter. She tossed her jacket at her feet, mirroring her perfectly and cocked an eyebrow.

“Give you something to think about when you're alone in that big bed,” she smirked and Caitlyn's eyes flashed dangerously.

Vi was playing with fire, every little jab adding fuel to the general's simmering, explosive state. She had gotten control of her emotions once more but how long for? Suddenly, the idea of making her lose it again was all too inviting. She would have considered it fun if her motivations weren’t desperately sad. Regardless, she took a step towards Caitlyn and leaned in close.

“You'll be thinking about me and what could have been long after I’ve forgotten your name,” she hummed a blatant lie. It was far more likely it would be the other way around. There was no way Vi would forget about her and the fleeing hope that life had more to offer than pain and misery. How she longed for the Caitlyn that had shown her kindness.

Suddenly, everything seemed to happen all at once. Caitlyn bridged the short distance between them, grabbed a fistful of Vi's hair and yanked her head back with such force that she gasped, only to silence her with a demanding, rough kiss, far removed from the tenderness they had shared.

“Shut up!” she growled, fisting her hand into her hair and pushed her tongue inside her mouth.

Vi kissed her back. Hard. All teeth and tongue, primal and desperate. She was drowning, perhaps they both were, in each other, and she grabbed on to her, clawing into her shoulders and holding on like a lifeline.

“You still want some of this then?” she groaned, but the general didn't meet her eyes. Instead, she dropped her mouth to the side of Vi's throat, ripping her head back further for better access. A whimper escaped her, but the flash of pain was oil to the flame that burned down her inhibitions. Caitlyn’s lips left a searing trail along her jaw, like an electric current licking across her skin.

“This is what you came back for, isn’t it?” she growled against her sensitive, exposed neck, lips pressing against her pulse point, keeping time of her rapid heartbeat. “Might as well see it through till the end.” A gloved hand trailed up her back, untucking her bindings, and Vi’s breath caught in her chest when she realised what was about to happen between them if she didn’t put a stop to it.

She knew they shouldn’t be doing this, nothing good could come of it, but it felt so good. Caitlyn wasted no time, feeling her up, palming her chest, grabbing her arse, dragging the wraps aside and Vi knew she was done for. Every fibre of her being ached for her.

“Fine by me,” she scoffed, trying to mask the desperate need in her voice and it seemed her consent had been all the general had been waiting for as she started to walk her backwards towards the large bed that dominated the room. She seemed intent on having things her way and Vi didn’t even fight, heat pooling in her gut, all too readily following her lead. Her legs hit the edge of the bed and Caitlyn shoved her down without hesitation, climbing on top of her. She tore away the last of her bindings and wrapped her lips around one of her nipples, dragging the thin metal rod of her piercing between her teeth.

“Fuck-” Vi gasped, overwhelmed by the intense sensation and she tried to reach for the other woman, trying to grab a hold of her shoulders, but Caitlyn seemed to have other ideas. She straightened up swiftly and grabbed Vi by the throat as she attempted to follow, shoving her onto the bed and pinning her there.

“I’m going to,” she groaned, undeniably as aroused as the woman beneath her.

With her fingers digging into her throat, Vi watched, transfixed as she brought her other hand to her lips, grasping the fingertip of her glove between her teeth and dragged her hand free.

A whimper escaped Vi, an embarrassing sound, but this was without a doubt the single most erotic thing she had ever witnessed, particularly when that very hand pushed down to her crotch, cupping her through the horribly restricting fabric of her trousers. She could feel how wet she was for her already and her cheeks burned along with the rest of her body under Caitlyn’s appraising gaze. She bucked her hips against her hand, an undeniable request for more but even in this, the general was calculated, squeezing her throat in a manner of warning, a show of power, even as she popped the button of her trousers.

It was maddening. Vi longed to have more, more of Caitlyn that was. Defiantly, she brought her hands up to her shoulders, reaching for her uniform, to rid her off the ridiculous cape, to feel some of her softness but it wasn't to be. Evading her grasp, she rolled off of her and before Vi knew it, she flung her around onto her stomach, a hand at the back of her neck as she pressed her into the mattress.

“Don't,” she growled menacingly, her free hand yanking down Vi’s trousers.

‘Why,’ she wanted to ask, but she didn't get the chance, Caitlyn's hand pressed between her thighs, into the wetness that had gathered there. Vi gasped, nimble fingers tracing through her folds. She bit back a moan but couldn’t help the way she ground back against her. A faint brush against her clit was like lightning shooting to her nerve endings, heat gathering in the pit of her stomach as she grew more and more tense with anticipation.

“God, you're easy,” Caitlyn hummed, the hot air of her breath ghosting across Vi’s sculpted back.

“Fucking stop talking about it and-” Vi snarled, pent up and needy, but her words were cut of in a sharp gasp when Caitlyn thrust her fingers inside her. “AH!”

It hurt at first, pleasure and pain in equal measure and the general allowed her a moment to adjust. It had been a while, there was no denying that and Vi clawed her hands into the sheets for something to hold on to when Caitlyn started moving. She spread her fingers, testing her limits and Vi muffled a throaty moan in the pillows.

“I did want you to be mine,” Caitlyn whispered a heated confession and picked up the pace, seemingly quite intent on making her just that.

“Fuck-” Vi's body screamed from the intensity of her assault, long fingers curling into her, hitting deep inside, following a furious rhythm. She knew how to work those fingers, filling her up and stretching her out, rubbing against her clit with every thrust in a delicious flurry of sensations. And yet, there was something missing. Even though Vi was engulfed by Caitlyn’s scent from her bedsheets, and she was fulfilling the part of her that had become almost primal with lust, her heart sank, further and further, as much as she tried to lock it away from the experience. She could be doing this with anyone. It was no different to a quick, intense fuck in the prison showers when she hadn't know any better and had wanted to feel something.

Caitlyn released her neck, her gloved hand rough against the skin of her back and she reached around her to lift up her hips, find a better angle, and Vi moaned when she hit a deliciously sensitive spot inside her.

“Cait-” she gasped, as her other hand found its why between her legs too, the rough fabric delicious against her clit. She hated how good it felt, and she hated Caitlyn in that moment too. She was giving her everything, yet nothing. If only she could see her face, at least know that it was having some sort of effect on her too that they were doing this, more than laboured breathing, low grunts and the force with which she was thrusting into her.

“Cait please-” She wasn’t sure what she was asking for exactly, and her plea made Caitlyn falter.

“Please what?”

Did she want to hear her beg? All Vi wanted was to know that it hadn’t all been for nothing. Everything they had been through. The heartbreak. Even if they wouldn’t fix things, she wanted to know that Caitlyn felt it too.

“Please, my back is killing me, can I-” She cast a glance over her shoulder, finding the general’s eyes and drawing some small satisfaction from finding her pupils blown with lust, seeing her face flushed and her hair hanging loose and messy around her.

“Fine.” Caitlyn’s response was curt and she pulled out of her, a low grunt escaping Vi at the sudden emptiness. She turned onto her back, her body beginning to feel heavy from exertion and suddenly, they were face to face, with Caitlyn hovering above her with a sudden, and surprising, air of uncertainty about her.

Had she thought better of it? Did she want to stop? Vi wouldn’t be able to take it if she did now, she was too tightly wound.

“Come on, Kiramman… Fuck me like the Zaunite whore you think I am so we can both get on with our night.” Her words were crude but elicited a response. Caitlyn’s expression darkened once more and she slammed her fingers back inside her, making Vi mewl with a new angle and intensity. She leaned over her lavishing attention to her breasts and Vi resolved to watch her, pay attention, commit what she could to memory.

Caitlyn scrunched her eyes shut, either lost to the experience or trying to escape it. Even in her increasingly delirious state, Vi couldn’t help but notice the subtle changes in her actions, and the way her rhythm suddenly seemed to falter.

Vi didn’t care, not really. It was hardly surprising she struggled to get her off when she didn’t know her body and took no time to learn about it either. At least she could enjoy the closeness a little while longer before the inevitable end. Perhaps she could claim a few more things before it was over.

Boldly, she reached out for her, grabbing her by the back of her head to pull her into a kiss. She succeeded too, for a wonderful moment, in a kiss that was passionate, but not as angry as it had been before and absently, Vi wondered if she’d released some of her rage in the course of this, but only until Caitlyn suddenly pulled away. Completely.

“This is not how I imagined this.” she choked out, and Vi was shocked to see tears pooled in her eyes. She didn’t allow her the chance to observe them, turning quickly as she fought to free herself of the cape that seemed to be restricting her movements and getting in the way. “Shit-” It was an unmistakable sob and Vi pushed herself upright slowly, unsure of what to say or do.

“No it’s not…” she agreed slowly, struggling to interpret her behaviour, particularly when Caitlyn offered no response. She remained facing away from her, perched on the side of the bed, fingers tensely clawed into the mattress.

There she remained and with every passing second, as Vi’s sweat cooled on her skin and silence reigned, the atmosphere grew more heavy and tense.

“Think we just- this was a bad idea-” Vi said at last when it became obvious that Caitlyn had no interest in continuing. A disappointing ending to everything that had happened between them but perhaps it was for the best. “No need to torture ourselves any longer…” Putting on a brave face, she braced herself for the final goodbye as she moved to the edge of the bed but suddenly, Caitlyn’s fingers wrapped around her arm, holding her back.

“Please don’t go…” Her voice was barely more than a whisper, heavy and shaky and Vi stalled, surprised.

“Okay…” Carefully, she turned back and at last, so did Caitlyn, her expression revealed as every bit the heartbroken mess that Vi had been going through. She didn’t meet her eyes, that was likely too much to ask, but her gaze fixed elsewhere: on the dark bruise that coloured the side of her stomach.

“I’m sorry,” Caitlyn breathed words that Vi had given up on ever hearing. “I shouldn’t have, I…” A sob tore itself from her chest and she squeezed her eyes shut, fighting for some measure of composure that seemed beyond her now. “Oh goodness…” Little by little, she appeared to be breaking apart and while it hurt to see her like this, Vi couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t a little glad too. Maybe they could have a conversation at last.

“Thank you for saying ‘sorry’…” she offered slowly. “Luckily I’m made of stronger stuff, you couldn’t do this to anyone else-” She tried for some measure of levity, crack a joke but it fell terribly flat as Caitlyn hung her head in shame, drawing in her legs to her chest and hugged them, looking far smaller than Vi had ever seen her.

”Cait… what happened?” she tried again and braved moving a little closer. At the very least, she wanted to understand, and she gestured to the ceremonial cape that lay in an abandoned heap on the floor.

Caitlyn just shook her head to herself, a sad smile drawing to her lips.

“They made me- Ambessa, she- We declared martial law and I’m- I was made general-” she answered, sounding terribly detached from it all. “I want to protect my city, I want to stand up for my family, I want to- I want to be worthy of all those things but it’s tearing me apart…” Her voice had a haunting clarity to it, an innate truth that confirmed everything Vi had seen over the past few weeks.

“I know…”

“I know it doesn’t excuse anything but-” Caitlyn’s shoulders slumped and she sobbed, rivers of tears seeking a way across the plains of her cheeks. “I don’t know how much longer I can hold on to this anger, this pain, this rage. It’s burning me up and everything that I ever wanted - for myself - I’m losing-” she whispered, defeated and Vi’s heart squeezed inside her chest, the small flame of hope that she had very nearly lost was given air to breathe and grow. She gathered her courage and reached out, brushing her thumb through the mess of tears on her cheek as she raised her chin to bring her to meet her eyes.

“And… what is it you want?” She asked almost timidly, and Caitlyn smiled sadly.

“You,” she breathed and while Vi knew she wouldn’t be able to forget what had happened any time soon, this could be the start of fixing things. She brought her other hand to her face too, hoping to catch some of her tears and slowly she covered her lips with her own in a tender, emotional kiss that felt so much more intimate than anything else they had done that night.

“Can we try this again?” Vi mumbled softly, smiling against her lips as she felt lighter already and wrapped her arms around Caitlyn who melted into her embrace as they continued kissing until both of them were out of breath and the general’s tears had somewhat dried. “How did you imagine it?” Perhaps it was a bold suggestion but it seemed to lighten the atmosphere significantly.

Caitlyn chuckled and it was a genuinely warm sound, far removed from the iciness she had been confronted with all night.

“Something like this…” Gently, Caitlyn pressed her hand against Vi’s chest and pushed her backwards, but without urgency and force. She engaged her in a tender kiss, tracing her fingers across her chest toying with her piercings and quickly finding the best way to make her whimper.

There was nothing rushed about it now as Caitlyn trailed open-mouthed kisses along her throat, her jaw, and Vi relaxed into the sheets, witnessing the change in her with complete awe.

“Cait-” It didn’t take very long and Vi felt herself growing hot once more, the heat of their previous encounter returning but it felt different now, and so much better, as Caitlyn mapped her body with her hands and lips, disposing of her other glove as she went. She paid particular attention to her stomach and the bruise that was her doing, pressing kiss after kiss upon it and mumbling heart-felt apologies.

Eventually, she moved down her body, settling between her legs and Vi, breathless and worked up, simply stared at her in awe, feeling overwhelmed, as Caitlyn’s eyes sought some sort of permission.

“Please-” Vi breathed and Caitlyn smiled, lowering her head to bury her face between her legs. “Oh fuck-” Vi gasped, overwhelmed by the intense sensation as she parted her folds with her tongue, seeking her clit.

“If you’d rather I didn’t, I can-” The general picked up on how tense she became, even as she wrapped her arms around her thighs.

“No, I just…” Vi couldn’t help the embarrassment in her tone as she tried to relax which seemed a big ask with Caitlyn’s breath on her most intimate parts. “I didn’t imagine it like that either…”

“If you want me to do something different, I-” Caitlyn pulled back a little but Vi quickly shook her head, dying to experience all she wanted to give her.

“No, no, I mean- my,” she cleared her throat, stalling for time to find the right words. “Experience is… limited. And- it was never like this before. This is-” All of it, the close attention she was paying every part of her, her gentle touches, no-one had ever touched her like that, made her feel like that. It was overwhelming and oddly terrifying, if just for the thought it might all get taken away again.

Caitlyn smiled and reached for her hand, guiding it into her hair where she might hold on to her as she dipped her head lower again, dragging her tongue through her wetness once more.

Vi gasped, but held on to her, quickly finding herself grinding against her mouth. Caitlyn hummed in encouragement, deftly finding her clit with the tip of her tongue and drawing tight circles and flicking every once and again until Vi was shaking.

“Cait-” she sobbed her name as the tension became too much, the sensation overwhelming. Her muscles seized up and released, waves of pleasure crashing over her and threatening to carry her away, but Caitlyn remained her lifeline, reaching for her hand and squeezing it until the last of the aftershocks had subsided.

They didn’t speak after that, not for a while, there was no need. Vi was struggling to catch her breath and Caitlyn gathered her in her arms and stroked her hair in tender, affectionate patterns that threatened to move her to tears.

“Why did you come back after I treated you like that…” Caitlyn’s timid question broke the silence eventually, once their breathing had returned to normal and capacity for thought too. “I was- I’m sorry…”

Vi turned so she could meet her eyes, bringing her hand to cup her jaw as she sought connection to her.

“Because I- Because I need to know whether the girl I fell for is still there underneath all the grief, and I’m sorry I caused it but- we all do things we don't mean when we're grieving. I know all about that… I remember when it was like to lose Vander and how much I regretted striking Powder… even now,” she said and Caitlyn nodded understandingly, fresh tears coming to her eyes as she ducked her head in shame.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry… I genuinely thought I would have made the shot. I promise. I wouldn't have…” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“I know…” Vi acknowledged. “And I think I… part of me is still… she's still my sister. It's not that easy.” She knew Caitlyn deserved that admission too, if they wanted to have a chance at having a future together. It was something they would need to work through, whatever that looked like.

“I know…” Caitlyn nodded, resigned but not angry. “Thank you for stopping me. And thank you for coming back… I- I was wrong to think I’d be better off if-” she broke off, shaking her head to herself. “You’re… you’re like the light in the darkness… like the… the only good thing and I’m drowning in this sea of-” Her voice grew shaky once more but Vi was right there offering her reassurance.

“I know you are… and I want to help. If you’ll let me…” She wasn’t sure what she would be able to do. She couldn’t take away her grief and pain, no-one could, but she could try and help her cope with it somehow, even just by being there for her.

“Do you really still want to?” Caitlyn asked in a small voice, clearly not thinking herself in a position to make any sort of demands of her now, and Vi smiled.

“You’re my light in the darkness too. And I won’t let you drift away and drown, maybe we can just… hold on to each other…” she suggested, and Caitlyn nodded gratefully, meeting her in a soft kiss.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” she whispered as they parted. “I know it’s a bad time to say it, with everything that’s happened. I know it will take time to rebuild trust but-” She broke off when she realised the look of shock on Vi’s face and spotted the tears that started falling. She wasn’t able to help them.

“I’m sorry…” Vi choked, instantly embarrassed, dragging the back of her hand across her face, but Caitlyn grew very pale.

“No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that-” she started, but Vi quickly shook her head.

“Don’t be, please, I just…” she sobbed, feeling as though some age-old trauma had finally been lifted off her shoulders. It was overwhelming and disorientating as she tried to make sense of it. “I don’t think- I can’t remember the last time someone told me they loved me,” she confessed. “Not since Powder-”

Caitlyn pulled her back into her arms and let her cry, simply soothing her for as long as she needed it.

“Mother would be furious,” she sighed after a little while once Vi had regained her composure. “I’ve apologised for that to her too…”

“I love you too,” Vi blurted out without thinking any further than that, eliciting a similar reaction of stunned surprise, so she rushed to explain. “This version of you. The girl that is scared of what her parents will make of her bringing home a girl from the Lanes. The girl that strives for justice and can see the good in someone like me. And as … undeniably hot it is to see you acting all powerful and taking what you want… this is what I want. Who I want.” She took her hand in hers and pressed a tender kiss to the back of it.

“And that’s who I want to be,” Caitlyn agreed softly. “I don’t know what the future will bring, how things will play out with Jinx but… whatever happens… I don’t want to lose myself. Not again. And I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’ll be here to remind you,” Vi promised and Caitlyn settled against her, dropping her head to rest on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” she mumbled. “For everything.” Vi smiled and pulled her close, dropping a kiss to the top of her head, ever so grateful that they had made it through the trenches and made it to somewhere they could both breathe. There was a lot to figure out still, things were far from alright, but they had done the hard bit, everything else would follow.

“Now,” she hummed thoughtfully, casting a curious look to the girl in her arms. “I think the perfect way to thank me would be to finally allow me to see what you’re hiding underneath that uniform.” In a smooth motion, she flung Caitlyn around who landed on the mattress with an undignified squeak and laughed while Vi crawled on top of her. “You may own all of Piltover, but I want you to be mine.”

“I’d like that…” Caitlyn grinned and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Perilous as the way ahead was, they would forge a path for themselves, together.

[astr-venus]

｡⁠☆ Who Is This Diva✦

｡⁠☆Content: Izuku Midoriya BF headcanons

｡⁠☆Cw: a few uses of she/her, one singular pregnancy mention, no use of y/n, light cursing

✦ Always writing in that damn notebook, there is nothing you can say or do that won't end up there

✦ If you're creeped out by it, he will commit what you said to memory and write it down later

✦ The best gift giver. He notices everything about you. From your face to your body to your brain. All of his gifts are thoughtful

✦ Didn't know how to do his own hair until Mina showed him, however if you know how to do it he'll play dumb

"My hair... ? Y-Yeah, Mina normally helps me with it, b-but I seen you take care of your own so... Do you mind helping me instead ? Not that Mina isn't great, b-but she isn't you... Sorry, is that a weird thing to say ?"

✦ Sometimes YOU are the third wheel when Katsuki's around. Good luck with that.

✦ Nervous forever. Constantly apologizing. Trips over everything when you're around. His face is always bright red. Nervous talker for sure. Heaven forbid you compliment him, he might pass out on the spot

✦ He stays on Uraraka's phone. He needs advice before he does anything, especially if you're a girl. He used to take advice from Kaminari, and then he learned his lesson (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

"I-It's not sexist to assume she likes flowers just cause she's a girl right ?.... What ?! Of course I know that not all girls like flowers !! .... N-No way I can't just ask her. What if she thinks I'm weird" (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

✦ Doodles you everywhere. Aizawa is fed up with the scribbled pictures of you in all the corners of his homework. He's debating whether or not he should take point off his papers just to get him to stop. Mic and All Might think it's cute

✦ All this to say he is the sweetest ever. He makes sure to know every single thing about you, it borders on obsession. He follows you around like a lost puppy. His receiving love language is physical touch/quality time, and his giving love language is gift giving and acts of service

✦ Izuku is selfless to a fault, but when it comes to you he can't help but be selfish. No matter how much he gives to you, he feels justified because your love, affection, time, and attention, is the ultimate prize.

☆ PROHERO ☆

✦ Interviewers are tired of hearing about you. Any questions lead right back to what you're doing, something you've said, what you think, what you look like. It doesn't matter as long as it's about you

✦ Puts your needs first which can be really nice, but definitely neglects himself in the process. Like this man has chronic pain in his hands, but will stay up until ungodly hours giving himself carpal tunnel making something that you didn't even ask for just bc he knew you'd like it

✦ If you're not a prohero (hell, even if you are), Izuku is overprotective. His worst fear is you being taken from him in any sense of the word. Losing you isn't something he would ever get over

✦ Rarely ever yells, but when he does he sounds just like Katsuki. It's annoying how much like Katsuki he sounds. Otherwise though, he prefers to concede to whatever you want, the only time serious arguments occur is if it's about something like your safety

"Shouto, I'm gonna throw myself off a cliff... No she's not hurt she's perfectly fine don't even joke about that !!! .... The problem ? Shou she's so mad at me.... Don't look at me like that, I'm serious !"

✦ A sass monster. Rarely ever to your face, most of the time it's just a mutter under his breath that you barely catch but you just know he said something smart.

✦ If your first language isn't Japanese then trust and believe he's learning whatever your native tongue is. He has the cutest accent too. If he's feeling bold he'll use your lessons as an excuse to flirt with you, and after that there's a high chance you won't get anything done

✦ NOT a morning person. Clings to you and the bed like his life depends on it. Moaning and groaning in your ears about how mean you are to him, how could you make him get up for early morning patrol ? Death for 10 thousand years have been cursed upon him.

"Hmm ? I don' care 'bour the alarm. Turn it off... Where you goin' ? Noooo don' go shh i's okay, mhmm it snoozes itself. Jus' lay back down, yeah 'xactly baby.... Hmm ? Late ? Patrol ? OHMYGOD PATROL !!"

✦ Pet name extraordinaire. It takes a while until he finds his favorite, so he spends his time cycling through all types of sweet names. Anything from baby to darling to pookiebear to beautiful. He probably doesn't stray too far into weird names, but he dips his toes in if it feels right.

✦ Won't admit it, but he loves it when you flaunt him to your friends. Makes him feel like a big strong man, especially when you feel up his arms. His face flushes bright red and he tries to wave it off but he stutters so much that his sentence is barely distinguishable, but of course that only makes you want to do it more

✦ When you get married it's honestly been inevitable, especially if you met while in highschool. If it was only up to Izuku you would've been married within the month, but lucky for you he has self restraint. If you both want kids they truly won't be far behind marriage, and if you thought he was obsessive before just imagine if you get pregnant.

First post,, how exciting !! Not sure if I'm sticking with this format, but I think I like it. My blog is almost completely set up and I have a few reblogs so... My askbox is open if you so please (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

Who f/w black Izuku like I do ?? 🗣️🗣️

｡⁠☆Requests open

[mydearestbeloved]

okay chapter 5 review here bc word limit.

amazing how your very first and latest draft can change how I feel about your story as a whole lmao. ngl the jinwoo in your first draft reminds me of those daydream yandere!jinwoo fics lolololol so imagine my whipslash when i read the revised and expanded draft of this.

i love those to death i will be honest here but sl reader fics that depicts jinwoo more closely to his canon counterpart always hit different fr. i love how jinwoo isn't trusting of reader and constantly trying to figure her out. he's so inquisitive and smart when trying to piece everything he can find about reader (that makes a lot of sense since he becomes a detective in the revised timeline).

i really appreciate you writing him like this and it's a shame canon kinda stop writing the strategic and observant jinwoo after over the half of the story. of course if you wanted to be more canon compliant (and an excuse to keep reader involved), jinwoo would have to be more suspicious and distrustful of her and monitor her (such a jinwoo move) bc yk his deep trust issue (that has been forgotten or somehow resolved on its own in the canon story just bc. no im not bitter about it nope). therefore, it's so intriguing to read fics where his issues being addressed and his worldview being challenged. i know solo leveling is a power fantasy but it's frustrating to see our protagonist keep proving right about his very flawed and detrimental outlook, carrying the world on his shoulders alone and all that and the story acts like none of that affects him negatively or has any long lasting consequences. again it's a power fantasy but i think i can overlook this very real potential issue only if the story isn't set in a modern and semi-realistic urban setting.

anyway i skimmed through all the drafts you have and i love how they are mostly about him slowly opening up to reader. my god i cannot wait until jinwoo becomes absolutely whipped for our fae queen like in the old drafts. i know it will be absolutely satistfying and worthwhile. (can't believe all the chapters are still drafts???)

?System¿:

[ Review of (14/11/2024) has been submitted.

We thank you for your feedback, Reader.

System will now connect you you to 《AUTHOR》 ]

.

.

.

Thank you for sending your review, this genuinely made my day! 💞

Now onto your review:

Original vs Now

Funny story, this Trial Player AU's original idea was just supposed to be a single, one-shot thing. So, you're not wrong to think that it feels like a daydream yandere!Jinwoo fic, because IT IS.

I even format it like so because I didn't want to get overboard, and that I was afraid of losing interest if I held onto it for too long just because I don't have enough time to write it as long and detailed as I would've liked.

But as it turns out, I just fooled myself, because here we are with a full blown series. And me with too little time still.

The original concept of a trial player isn't even mine. I was inspired by one of @circeyoru's fics, where I just wanted to write a similar story but with a Reader that have different powers and personality.

I ended up having too many interesting ideas to expand this after posting Imagine #1, which now became the summary of this series instead of its original purpose as a one-shot, one-time thing.

To simplify: I hyperfixate. Drafts started piling up. I wanted to work out the details little by little but they were too messy for me to find the time to sit down and edit them. New method: try posting it. I can edit them as I go as long as I gave warnings beforehand to Readers that my writings can change. If this goes well, there's a chance I can receive feedbacks to improve further. Two birds with one stone. A win-win scenario for me.

I mostly write when I'm stressed out from studying and needed a temporary escape. So, it brings me extra joy when people actually enjoy my stress-induced vomit of words. 🥰

How I write canon characters

I LOVE Reader Inserts/x Reader stories, and one of the things that most of the time ruined them for me personally is if the canon intended act too OOC.

Like, I get it, we Readers aren't in the canon story, of course the canon characters will act out of script since they literally are. But if they act like a different person all together with little to no explanation, no reason that can tie them back to the essence that make them just them, then what's the point of canon x reader when it's just the same as oc x reader?

At least add a warning/note/anything else to inform readers if you're going to do that, or if you're not too sure you can write them to stay true to their canon counterparts (like me 😓).

In real life, we already proven that we are fickle beings. We kept changing for one reason or another, but we can still stay true to ourselves or be recognize as just us.

And that is what I tried to do in writing the canon characters, especially the MCs since we readers follow their story the closest, which resulted in us knowing about them more then the side/supporting characters.

We don't truly know them, we never will, but we can predict them when we put those characters in different scenes/scenarios/settings because they already have a pattern that we know.

That is what we readers of Readers Inserts ultimately sought after, to be able to imagine interacting with those same characters that we know through the pages.

At least, this is what I want. Different people, different views and opinions. This is mine.

How I write Sung Jinwoo in this alternate scenario

I only know of Solo Leveling through its webtoon/manhwa and anime adaptations. I know little no none how they are in the original webnovel/novel and game, and the little that I know are form spoilers, tidbits of them.

With this in mind, I do feel that the manhwa are missing some things, and as it turns out (from the spoilers I read), it does skip many scenes from the novel.

No hate for the artist though, if it were not for him, I wouldn't have known Solo Leveling. And I could only imagine how hard it would be to draw everything from the original.

Back to the topic, this Trial Player AU of mine will mostly follow the manhwa, and I'll be using the manhwa-specific plot-holes/gaps to further integrate Trial Player!Reader into the story.

As for Jinwoo, I'll try my best to stay true to his character from the manhwa. But note that I also added the 'Yandere' element. So, to make him not too OOC, I'll explore his thought process from the start to then falling in love to the point of madness with someone like Trial Player!Reader.

I don't want this to be a slowburn, but I also needed to work out the details to Jinwoo's feelings if I want to execute this as smooth as I can get.

Hence, I apologize for the later instances of Jinwoo acting not himself, I'm still figuring out the details for those scenes, that is why I still labeled them as drafts.

Extra related topics

There is two points I shared that can be tied back to Player!Reader's personality:

One, she is a casual fan of Solo Leveling. To make this easier to write, what she knows about the original story is what I know. Reader reads the manhwa, watches the anime, and knows little of the game and original novel from spoilers only.

Second, her view of the Yandere trope. I already I wrote it somewhere in the (for now) unknown chapter 0.1, the only writing that I managed to finish.

I explained there how Reader views this particular fiction trope. It is in many ways similar to mine too. It's just so interesting to see how different people with different personalities spiral down to the far end of the emotion called love, more often associated with warmth and healing.

Emphasis on 'how', I want to see the process. Tying back to how I write Jinwoo.

It is just such an fascinating concept to imagine. And fiction have less restrictions to express that ideas than in reality, as long as we can (and should) differentiate which is true or not, which is good and bad, even if the line that separated them often blurred.

I DON'T condone yandere, toxic and extreme behaviors and actions in real life. All of my works are purely FICTION.

---

I think that's all I can say for now. Thank you once again for reading my stories and for sharing your reviews. I really means a lot! 💞

Oh, and a piece of advice:

Perhaps you should hold off reading the last two chapter for now (9 and 10) until I updated them. Because they are of the newer drafts, there are certain 'too-fast-of-a-development'/OOC instances there that you might find a bit weird if I assumed through this review of yours.

I just feel responsible to point this out.

You're still free to read them, of course. After, you can just keep watch if I updated them, though by then you might want reread them. Hopefully, this is not too much. This is the downside of posting drafts. I apologize for the inconveniences.

I'll always inform a major draft update in my Masterlist. So there is no need to check each draft individually everytime.

[hermitagereheadcanons]

this isn't an ask or a request, but I hope you could still post it, because since I found this account the wave of love for this fandom crushed me yet again

not to disclose who I am too much, but here's a fact: I was dealing with pre schoolers as a part of my education(or, well, practice). around the same time I discovered the wonderful world of hermitcraft age regress fics. I myself don't regress, but I find those works insanely comforting. anyways I mentioned my education because, while in fics the looking after might be Way to soft and all-allowing (that YES can be very bad even short term), most of the works show it really well. and not just comforting, but as if the authors know Very Well they are portraying not a parent figure per say, but a "cool uncle that looks after you" type character and I LOVE IT. maybe this says smth about my childhood, maybe it's the overwhelming feeling of love coming from a friendship, but still. kudos to everyone who writes age re in this fandom, I love you.

I still haven't explored the topic of age regression as a study (meaning: I haven't really looked up the real world instances), but I have a feeling that learning about this phenomena in psychology feelings-first from a fictional work was a good idea.

Your ask has actually reminded me why I love this blog. I've been a bit out of touch with the fandom lately, but the sense of community that comes from gathering around something so niche is really nice and I love hearing about it.

I'm glad this type of content can be comforting and enjoyable even if you don't regress!

Also, when I originally had the idea to start this blog, there was very little agere-related content in this fandom that didn't emphasize a parental, set-in-stone caregiver as a key feature. I'm happy to see so much more variety in how people portray it in relation to friends and partners.

[varyathevillain]

Sebastian Vael would've been such a better character for the Dragon Age fandom to enjoy if in act 3 instead of the shitty "here, have a Leliana cameo and another proof there's Blood Magic Everywhere in Kirkwall, go fetch!" quest, we had a different one.

Let's say... Hawke has an option of investigating a weird deal between a chantry sister and a Starkhaven diplomat, and during it you uncover that the chantry has been embezzling from Starkhaven's treasury, as well as putting "former chantry members" (read: malleable or outright Chantry puppets) in the ruling circle which is currently holding Starkhaven afloat in absence of Sebastian as their Prince.

If Sebastian is not in the party as you uncover this, you have an option to either tell him about it, or investigate the questline further. If he is, however, in the party as you find the first notice of something being wrong between Chantry and Starkhaven relations, Sebastian will exclaim that this is a mistake, someone posing outside (or within) a Chantry to implicate either Starkhaven royalty, or Grand Cleric Elthina, and reference Sister Petrice. The moment you involve him in the questline, however, he'll be locked in for the investigation missions, and start getting special points in the code, one for each encounter (including the very first one starting the questline), for the final confrontation of the questline. The same happens if you start involving Sebastian at any other point of the questline, but with less and less points available.

As you progress, there would be three more quests to go through, one of which even takes you to either the outskirts of Starkhaven, or to the busy streets of it, allowing 1) to show another city state of Free Marches, 2) where Sebastian comes from, 3) actually be worth your money for the DLC, if ideal DA2 still had him as a DLC companion. Which I still hate with burning passion a decision, same with Javik being DLC in ME3.

The questline has chantry sisters and nobles implicated, Flora Harriman reaching out to Hawke about weird decisions made in Starkhaven politics, resembling what her mother did, and at a second quest there's even a possibility of you uncovering a chantry brother in a contract with a Desire demon. It seems like it all leads up to corruption in the political sphere and stragglers in the Chantry circles, right?

Except. On the final quest. It is revealed that Elthina, in her own handwriting, no forgery as confirmed by any rogue in the party, has forced Grand Cleric of Starkhaven to resign, installed her own puppet (one of the chantry sisters you might see in Act 1) as a new Grand Cleric, all for a bid of "uniting the Free Marches under the Chantry banner". It also implies that Sister Petrice was telling the truth, and that Elthina was, in fact, more involved with the unrest against Qunari than one would believe in the base game (I believe she was involved, but it's not majorly pertaining to this post in particular). There's a letter that implies Lady Harimann was allowed to do what she did, because Elthina believed she'd be able to manipulate Sebastian in favour of the Chantry. It also unveils how many people of Starkhaven were hurt by this. Turns out, a lot.

Then, you can go about this questline ending several ways.

This is where the points counting in the background come into play.

If you did not bring Sebastian alongside you on any of the missions, or if there aren't enough points for you to sway him... Sebastian will claim the evidence as plot against his support of the Chantry and Elthina specifically, and burn the letters in particular, calling them a "bad replica of what sister Petrice tried to do". Elthina, on prodding, feigns innocence, or if you have not talked to Sebastian yet, calls him in to discuss "this silly accusation", which gives +15 rivalry if you're not in a locked relationship with him. He still burns the letters, and accuses you of believing the conspirators, or even being one of them. There are some undertones in Elthina's dialogue to imply she's ready to blackmail you back if you press the matter, and Hawke has no choice but to back off.

If you bring Sebastian along and your relationship with him at this point is so-so, neither a full friendship or a rivalry, you'd need at least 3 points with favourable dialogue, this makes Sebastian question the Chantry, even Elthina. You'd need all 4 points (bringing him from the get go in your party when they rock up to the start of the questline) without going further into discussion for him to buckle. With friendship, you'd need to bring him on at least 2 missions, or 3 with favourable dialogue. With rivalry, however, you need for him to be brought only on one mission with favourable dialogue, the final one, after which he'll even say that "You (Hawke) were right about me needing to step up and rule Starkhaven". On two missions if you want to bicker with him throughout the quests instead.

If you would manage to sway Sebastian by the end, you'd have one final choice: support him in standing up and demanding answers from Elthina, or asking him to forgive her involvement.

Supporting him on Friendship is the simplest, but supporting him on Rivalry ends up in Sebastian switching to Friendship, like with Merrill reversing her Friendship in Mirror Image if you don't give her the Arulin'Holm. This ends up in a calmly voiced, but very angry Sebastian Vael, pure venom in his words, listing how Elthina has abused his trust and his people by using faith in the Chantry, and manipulating a Prince of a sovereign nation for her own means. If you supported him on Rivalry, he'll have additional lines on how you've challenged him to see problems with Chantry and Templar order, as well as to come back to Starkhaven, and outright thank you right in front of Elthina, whose eyes will throw daggers in your direction. At the end of the speech, Sebastian will actually start removing pieces of his armour, them clattering to the floor at Elthina's feet, and walk out alongside you out of the Kirkwall chantry.

However, if you ask him to forgive Elthina, he'll have the biggest rivalry (+30) jump in the game if you aren't in a Friendship, and will briefly lash out at you, saying that complacency with his devotion to the Chantry is what got him and his people into this mess. On Rivalry, it's worse. Instead of a calm but angry and vicious reprimand of Elthina's actions, Sebastian will SCREAM at her, throw evidence in her face, and then scream at you on Rivalry for good measure, about how you can't simply forgive someone who would seek ruin his city, and is actively ruining Kirkwall. How he was blind to Elthina's actions, but sees now that blood magic isn't the rot at the city's heart that is dividing the Circle and Templar order, it's Chantry politicians like Elthina. And instead of armour pieces clattering to the ground, they're thrown at the feet of the Andraste statue, while Sebastian outright declares that if Elthina doesn't cease machinations in Starkhaven, he'll rage war against her, specifically, and everyone who would support her. Then, he storms out, alone.

You can insert either a "there's nothing to talk about" with Elthina afterwards in both endings of this form, or promises of Hawke "never holding a position in this city aside from carrying the Amell name".

After that, you can find Sebastian, clad in a new armour (simple, reminiscent of what Alistair wears in his introduction scene in DAO, only with the Starkhaven symbol emblazoned on an archer chest piece), with a box in his arms, on the steps out of Hightown into Lowtown. He jokes about how his whole life in Kirkwall can, at the same time, be put into a small box like this one, and be something world encompassing. After a dialogue, where he tells you he is going to live in a small hovel in Lowtown, since he doesn't want to even see the chantry building, or talk with nobles who'd gladly eat him and people of Starkhaven alive, until the moment Kirkwall unrest is over, since he wants stability for you and your city as well. Also, he'd rather spend money on his people and those in need, not himself.

If romanced, or with certain persuasion options, you can invite him to live with you. You can still try to invite him with a couple of options, but he'll deny them for various reasons. After that, he'd live near the market; or, if you managed to convince him, in Hawke's mansion.

If in a romance, there's a hot makeout scene in the library which fades to black implying a proper sex scene. If not, he'll have amusing additional scenes with other companions, especially other love interests, with a bit of hostility from Isabela and Anders, and a lot of genuine fun from Fenris and Merrill.

When you talk with him alone (at either Lowtown hovel or at home in the Library), Sebastian discusses, on Friendship, how he is still Andrastian, even if Chantry failed him and his, or on Rivalry how he feels that blind devotion blinded him to Chantry mistakes.

Banter between party members also changes, with one dialogue from Merrill implying that Sebastian is now helping refugees and the poor, Fenris talking about his efforts in making an organisation for former templars/chantry members expelled for one reason or another, Anders being surprised at a late night visit where Sebastian covered in blood (not his) brought him herbs and potion flasks as a peace offering, et cetera. There's still tension over Sebastian belief in the Chant and Andraste, but it's not anymore about him having to perform for the Chantry and his public image.

If you don't complete the quest with this ending, Sebastian Vael still demands Anders to be executed, or he'll wage war. But if you do... he confesses that Anders has asked him to warn as many people in Lowtown and Darktown not to come to the Hightown and chantry, but assumed this would be because of Meredith and Orsino outright fighting in front of Elthina, not this... murder.

He will, however, draw his bow and point an arrow at Anders, saying that this was not the answer to help his cause, and Anders needs to pay now. Hawke can allow him to do that, or step in.

In a so-so relationship, if you choose anything else but "I will execute him myself" or relent to Sebastian's demand and let him shoot Anders? Vael will spit at your feet and leave your party and the conflict, resulting in a very similar ending to his character as in the original DA2, just less anti-mage and pro-Chantry.

However, in a Friendship or Rivalry, it's very easy to convince him to still stay at your side and see it through. With his unknowing help, many innocents of Kirkwall were saved, and now he has to stick around to help as well, and to either see Anders pay for his crimes with work and healing, not redemption through martyr-like murder, or to understand that this, inadvertently, would be every city across Southern Thedas, including Starkhaven, if Chantry dogma supported by Templars will continue murder, physical and emotional, of mages. He'll have additional dialogue depending on whether you're a mage Hawke, or if Bethany died/is in Circle.

In Romance, Sebastian will lower his bow immediately as Hawke steps between. You'll have to mess up really badly in dialogue for him to storm out.

[kideternity]

Whilst I don’t deny that Kamen Rider 71 is just like in general a very silly show in a lot of regards it seems very strange to me the idea that like it was ever like a Stupid show. Or like written stupidly. I would actually argue that KR71 is often times a very smartly written and earnestly written show. It’s very open about its anti-imperialist slash anti fascist themes and will through writing and production showcase its understanding of the harm those systems cause as well as slash in conjunction to that provide allegories to the real world methods it utilises to hurt people. And on a more general note it just takes the characters and plots for the most part Very seriously it takes their journeys and their actions Seriously. It doesn’t diminish or insult their emotions or their intellect or them just trying in the first place. There’s things you can and should criticise in various different aspects but I genuinely would not consider it a bad show at all which I feel like is common or was common for people who didn’t want to give Toku media a chance usually do slash did- like, arguments about how the Goofiness or Corniness Automatically Made it Bad in some way. Idk Im just saying words probably don’t consider me an authority on this but It’s how I feel

[cursed-spirit-manipulation]

lot of ppl upset abt the lack of. Any Real Acknowledgement of Gojo dying and I'm not saying they're wrong but I did realize that I think that's pretty much just how JJK is. Like Riko died. Anyway. Kuroi maybe? We don't know. Haibara died. Ok. Geto died. Like that's a big part of the plot but Gojo doesn't tell the first years SHIT about him. They just know there's a weird monk fucking everything up (and that's fucking Kenjaku lmao). Nanako and Mimiko. Nanako and fucking Mimiko. Like I'm not saying this is... Okay I'm mad about Riko bc like. She's a big part of the reason Geto BECAME A MASS MURDERER I'd enjoy if he mourned her more. I JUST REMEBERED THAT YUKI DIED. And Choso. ANYWAY I don't think this is Terrible Storytelling bc it does feel indicative of the way Jujutsu Society treats sorcerers (and potentialy civilians) where you're just expected to fucking Move Along. And I think there might be something genuine in Gojo, being a part of that system, still feeling like what he wants is to fade away after he dies, arguably showing that in the end he is the same as everyone else, he's human, he's mortal. And that being both a genuine desire and warped coping mechanism, and the way that's hard to truly parse. But also it does kinda sucks when the characters seem to straight up Forget the ppl who died... Like. Sorry I just got so mad Abt Larue and Miguel and THEY DONT EVEN TALK ABOUT NANAKO AND MIMIKO? TBEY TALK ABOUU MISSING GETO BUT WE CANT GET A SINGLE FUCKING MENTION OF HIS GOD DAMN DAUGHTERS? anyway the treatment of death in JJK is a good Foundation for themes and emotional resonance but uhhh Gege kinda sucks at writing so it's. It's eh

[raine-world]

Autocorrect stop changing "Quirrel" to "Squirrel" challenge: Impossible.

[rise-my-angel]

This past clown car of an episode portraying it's two leading women as uwu soft girls who don't want war and it's all the mens fault for the violence and bloodshed, just makes me think about my series.

And how if in the middle of the War of Five Kings, Cersei suddenly snuck into Robbs army encampment to secretly discuss peace with the reader, you can best bet the reader would drag Cersei out into the open by her hair yelling that she's caught a stray she-lion prowling about. The reader would be number one supporter of "we can use her to threaten Joffery and Tywin into surrendering and if they dont guess that's one Lannister down to worry about."

And make no mistake, if the reader were the one sneaking into Kings Landing, Cersei would drag her through the fucking streets like an animal.

Like my reader does encapsulate a lot of following traditional gender roles in this world in terms of willing engagement in motherhood and not questioning or doubting the patriarchal nature of her feudal system, but she is not fucking above getting her hands dirty and getting violent and wanting vengeance separate from what the men around her may want.

WOMAN CAN BE BOTH, CONDAL.

WE ARE ONIONS, WE HAVE LAYERS.

[thedevotionaltour]

karen is MY special white woman. my problematic fave. because i understand why she sucks. i think in order to be allowed to be a karen fan you have to actually understand why she sucks. if you don't understand why she sucks then you're a bad karen fan i think.

[riseninsaturn]

one day i’ll write an articulate post about why the gavin brothers are the most emotionally repressed people in ace attorney and maybe ever but in two entirely separate ways but as of right now whenever i think about that very concept i feel like screaming into a bottomless well so that idea is on hold

[premaritalgaysex]

Not to sound like a pretentious film bro but it kills me a little inside when I see the same “arguing about which action to take” scene in which the Extreme Character suggests once course of action and the Rational Character suggests an opposite course of action and the main character is like “hey guys, what if we do the medium course of action that sounds rational between those two options”.

And that’s not a Bad way to tell a story (a little ham-fisted but what can you do) what I hate is that people seem to not realize that subconsciously, they are being presented with those three options and they’re supposed to agree with the main character on the Medium Option as it sounds the most rational given the choices. They set it up so you have to pick between A, B and C without realizing there could be A Hundred Other Options for the way the story goes. That is the rhetoric used to make you like the main character (or whatever character in that scene happens to present the Medium Option).

Because then when the medium option ISN’T the best option, and you’re supposed to evaluate and realize that, no one seems to evaluate anymore. We are used to being verbatim fed a story that there’s no analysis of who’s Actually Right or Rational given the situation because the narrative isn’t Telling you that. So later when you say “oh yeah well I think despite being narratively Wrong that that response/course of action/reaction was rational” people act like you’re nuts because that’s not what the Medium Option Narrative told them.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

What the fuck it cut off my tags, whatever

I do deserve a treat :( Thank you <3

sorry for ranting, also sorry half the rant was cut off

this is the single worst way i've ever read to describe an erection, frank herbert