#i miss you im sorry
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every. page. that. i. wrote. you. were. on. it.
#i love him#gracie abrams aesthetic#poetry#gracie abrams#the secret of us#good riddance#us.#kay'smidnightramblings#creative writing#evermore#folklore#dark academia#just thinking#late night thoughts#prose#free now#i knew it i know you#gracie and taylor#i love you im sorry#i miss you im sorry#best#i know it wont work#full machine#close to you#risk#let it happen#tough love#felt good about you
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omg just read ur long sleeves fix it was sSOOOO GOOD! if u write part 2 i will be tuned in & reading âïžâïž
i miss you, i'm sorry- r.c. x reader
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part 2 of long sleeves!!!
OMGG IM SOO GLAD YOU LIKED IT <3
warnings: swearing angst (?) mention of drugs, rehab, and reader is so fucking codependent, like girl?? anyway, this is horrible yâall i cannot for the life of me write a happy ending so i tried my best đ can you tell iâm depressed LMAOOO? YALL SHES DEPRESSED TOO đ but seriously if i could make it happier hmu, i wonât get mad i promise. iâm new at this whole writing thing đ€ not proofread cuz i wanted to post this already so tell me if there are big mistakes and my first language isnât english so sorry if there are errors
disclaimer: the reader's depression is based on my own experiences, everybody is different and what i might go through isn't the same as what another person goes through. with that said, if you find any of these topics triggering, i understand! so, please always take care of yourself <3
ps: sorry this took so long, i've just been busy with school and my dad has been sick for a few days now so i haven't had time.
I'M ALSO HALFWAY DONE THROUGH THE FLASHBACKS FOR NO BODY, NO CRIME. i just haven't had the time fml. hopefully tomorrow đ€. ok enough whining and into the story đ„
want it, so i got it, did it, so it's done
making the bed started playing and the first line felt like a punch to the gut. i hated when life kicked you when you were already down.
i quickly changed to a cheery workout playlist that felt more mocking, in a sense, but decided it was better to not relate to the lyrics than listening to my despair sing back to me.
after that day in tannyhill, i'd decided to start running at night. in a silly way i thought that maybe running would burn away my pain in a healthy way. though how healthy running on barely any sleep, with nothing but depressive thoughts in my brain, was beyond me.
still, at least this way i felt like i was doing something. that i was taking action instead of moping. that doesn't make any sense. ugh, shut the fuck up. i really didn't know whose side i was on half the time.
the night sky was clear, making the stars wink at me as if they knew something i didn't. the sea breeze caressed my face, combing its fingers through my hair and drying away my tears.
running equated crying but by the time i got home i would be so exhausted that i couldn't even think. which was, of course, the ultimate goal. not think of him.
six months had passed and it didn't hurt any less. on the contrary, all i could think was how i'd abandoned him. probably when he needed me the most. two weeks after our breakup, sarah called me to tell me that rafe was terribly sick and they were taking him to the hospital. i'd debated whether i should tell her what had happened but she then said that she was aware of the situation and that i shouldn't go see him. she was only letting me know and, in a way, it felt like she was blaming me.
that was the last time i had contact with the camerons, town gossip and my mother becoming the only ties left between us. he'd gone to rehab and was apparently taking better care of himself, his family supporting him every step of the way.
fucking hypocrites. ward never cared when i told him about his son's addiction, instead saying that i should keep quiet, that everything would be okay. rose only cared about new shopping places to spend the family's money. sarah had started spending time with her new boyfriend and barely came home and wheezie was far too young.
so that left me. it had always been me, but when word got out of how bad rafe he was, they then played the card of ignorance and became the holy family.
i took a deep breath and slowed down to a jog, unaware of where the fuck i was. i looked at my surroundings for the first time and of course, i was in front of tannyhill. the gates were close but i could hear muffled voices on the other side. stepping closer to listen like the eavesdropper i was.
i looked through the bars of the gate, only to see him or well his back. he was with ward, who was lowering another suitcase to the ground. i frowned but i then heard his voice saying my name.
Ward turned his head sharply in his direction, "you are not seeing her again, alright? she's the one that got you into this mess in the first place." oh so the asshole blamed me.
he turned to face his dad and i gasped. his hair was buzzed and he looked older, healthier. he looked good but i couldn't help but feel like this was a different person entirely. i felt a slight pang in my chest because i'd been the one who had insisted on him leaving his hair longer and now he'd erased that too.
his voice interrumpted my thoughts, "dad, that is not true and you know it." why was he defending me? in a way what ward said was true. i'd left him alone that night.
his father stepped closer to him and put his hands on his sonâs shoulders, âson, trust me when I tell you that it is best for you to stay away from her. donât set yourself up for disappointment. We know where that led you.â Ward then kissed his forehead like one did to a child in a condescending manner.
Ward then picked up the suitcases left and turned to enter the house, leaving him standing there with a strange expression on his face. He lifted his gaze and somehow found mine, like they always did. Iâd forgotten how we always sensed the other, no matter how much time had passed. My heartbeat sped up, causing me to quickly turn around and ran away from him as fast as I could.
âHe is such a good father to those kids, especially Rafe.â Vanessa, my motherâs friend said, swooning over ward. Like god, heâs married, get a life.
Either way it seemed like every corner of this island is haunted. Ever since heâd come back as a stellar young man, all the women at the country club started obsessing over him, but more so his father. They practically held him as a saint and it only made my blood boil.
I felt my mothers gaze on me when his name was mentioned, noting the way I flinched and seemed particularly interested in the half eaten strawberries on my plate. They continued to chatter, causing me to tune them out and look at my surroundings for a distraction. Big mistake.
The doors had opened as if on cue, and there he was with a new found confidence that was unfamiliar to me. Before I could look away his eyes found mine, quieting everything around me, dĂšjĂĄ vu flooding my body. We looked at each other for what seemed an eternity until ward came up behind him, clapping his hand on his shoulder to turn him away from me. The colder version of his sonâs eyes bore into mine in a warning. Stay away from him.
I looked back down at my plate no longer interested in my food. My eyes welled up and I knew that if i stayed a minute longer on this table I would start sobbing or worse.
âMom? Iâm not feeling well so Iâm going home,â my voice quiet in her ear and she realized what I meant.
She nodded, âtake the car, ok?â
âItâs ok, I can walk home.â I needed to clear my head and driving wasnât the best idea.
âAre you sure?â The concern in her eyes made my heart wrench.
âIâm sure, mom. Thanks.â I stood up and voicing my goodbyes, leaving the club as fast as I could.
The sun was out and the sky was clear of clouds, a stark contrast of how I felt inside. I walked down the path, golf carts filled with kooks passing me by. All of them chattering about the next party or newest deal they had closed.
I kept walking and walking until I reached the boardwalk, which was thankfully empty. I sat down on the edge, swinging my feet over the water with the girl staring back at me and somehow looked as if she was drowning.
The wind carried the sound of footsteps behind me, my body tensing as his perfume arriving along with his shadow looming over me. The drowning girl hid away, leaving me alone. I almost begged her to take me with her.
âWhy do you always run away?â my heart sank and then restarted when I heard his voice. For the first time in months, I heard the world clearly again. I hadnât realized the power it had over me. Didnât you?
Who was I kidding? He would always be my favorite person, everything about me was shaped by him. My favorite color was blue, my favorite smell was his cologne, my favorite taste were his lips, my favorite sound in the world was his voice, his body my favorite thing to touch. But most of all, his soul.
I took a deep breath before lifting my gaze to his. The knot on my throat made it hard to speak, âWho said I was running away?â
He scoffed before sitting down next to me. âI know you. Or at least I thought I did.â His tone sounded reproachful, his eyes searching my face. this time i really looked at him, gone were his red, glassy eyes, the gauntness of his cheeks but most importantly, the anger that had felt permanently etched into his features every time he looked at me.
the buzz cut now made his features more prominent, his body was stronger and not as skinny as when heâd been living off cocaine and god knew what else.
he looked more like the rafe iâd met forever ago, but there was still something that wasnât quite there. his innocence. which wasnât the one of a child, but more so the type of innocence that comes with ignorance. the type where you think you can get away with anything and that bad things only happen to somebody else, but never to you. no matter how bad you behave, you genuinely believed there would be no consequences.
and the boy in front of me knew how untrue that belief was.
ârafe, iââ the knot on my throat became worse, preventing me from talking further. great, now here come the waterworks!
i turned my face away so he couldnât see my tears but it was too late.
he took hold of my face, âlook at me.â
i tried to jerk away but it was no use. i had no other choice but to cry silently while he judged me.
âim going to talk and youâre going to listen, understood?â his voice now held a tone of authority iâd never heard before.
thatâs kinda hot. dude, now is not the time.
i nodded because what the fuck was i supposed to do?
he turned so both of his hands held my face now. then he did something i wasnât expecting, he leaned in and kissed my forehead for what felt like an eternity.
when he pulled away his gaze held mine, with a force stronger than any physical restraint i could possibly be held in.
the tears were flowing freely so i probably looked like a drowned cat at the moment.
âim not mad at you, ok? i hope you know that i never asked for you to not visit me. i know it was my dad that didnât want you near me, but i swear that the only person i ever wanted by my side was you.
âi wonât deny that i was furious when you left me that night. i only got worse because i didnât have anyone to stop me, or at least try to. i felt like you were the last person that still believed in me, who would always be beside me. and i took you for granted.â his words felt like a knife through my heart. i abandoned him.
ârafe, im sorry. i shouldnât have left you like that. not when you needed me the most.â my words barely made sense but he somehow understood. he always did.
âno. you did the right thing. i hurt you, i told you that i hated you. when all youâd ever done for me was love me. iâm sorry, ok? if you hadnât left then maybe i wouldnât have gotten help.â he lowered his hands to his lap, my face burning where they had been resting.
âi know you tried to help me. that you talked to my dad about how i was and i know that he dismissed you. he only took me to the hospital because i overdosed and he didnât want the island to know how ward cameronâs perfect son was a drug addict.â he laughed in a humorless manner, âhell, he even paid everyone at the hospital to keep quiet. that didnât help much, frankly. gossip always finds its way.â
i wanted to say something but i could tell he wasnât done so i waited until he felt ready.
this time his voice was hoarse, making me realize he wanted to cry too. i couldnât take it anymore because nothing could hurt me more than seeing him in pain.
ârafe?â i murmured. he looked up with a broken expression causing me to wrap my arms around him. i felt him tense for a second before he hugged me back tightly.
my shirt got wet with our tears and we clung onto each other like a lifeline, with rafe repeating my name like a mantra. after a while, we pulled away and he held my face between his hands like before, only this time much gentler.
âi miss you, im sorry.â
âi miss you too, rafe.â i fell back into him, resting my head on his shoulder. we sat silently for a while before he spoke.
âcan we at least be friends?â the question caught me by surprise.
âyouâve always been my best friend, rafe. but again iâm sorry for not being there, i shouldâve done more.â
âno, you couldnât have. it was the way things were supposed to be.â
he played with my hair like he used to, âyouâve always been my best friend too, kid.â
i punched him playfully at the name, making him chuckle. i pulled back to see his face and i wiped away the few tears that were left with my hand. he fell silent, leaning into my touch, âi love you, you know? not being close to you drove me insane. and it makes me so happy to see that you are healthy, at least physically.
âi want to help you in any way that i can and i want to be there from now on, ifââ his lips crushing onto mine cut me off before i could finish. his hands were in my hair, holding me in place as if afraid iâd run away again.
only i knew i wouldnât. not this time. he groaned when i bit his lower lip, softly. he ran his tongue along mine before i let him in. i sighed into the kiss and pulled him impossibly closer. our lips explained more than any words that came out of them ever could. i separated from him to breathe and he only kept kissing my cheeks, jaw, neck until he reached my collarbone where he rested his head with quick, short breaths.
âi love you too,â he said. i touched his hair and ran my fingers over the short strands.
âi like your hair, by the way,â i murmured.
he laughed, pulling back. âreally? i got it because i thought you would hate it.â
i rolled my eyes, âare you serious? either way, you look good with any haircut.â
âi wasnât exactly planning on this to go like this. in my head, i was going to confront you and tell you all the ways iâd been miserable but that went away when i saw you that night by my house.â
âoh.â
he chuckled, âyeah. oh. anyway, i was telling my dad how i was going to ask why you never visited me and thatâs why he said what you heard.
âi then realized it had been him and as if life liked playing tricks on me, there you were at the gate with a sad expression. yet before i could say anything you left running. i wanted to go after you but my dad called me inside and i didnât want a fight that night. so i waited until i saw you today and when i was going to ask you to talk to me, again my dad came along. but then i saw you leave and i figured it was now or never, so i excused myself and he was so busy talking to the others at the table that he didnât notice.â
i scoffed, âwell, iâm guessing he noticed by now.â
he laughed, âyeah.â
we fell silent but i still had one more thing to ask, âhow did you know i was here?â though i think i already knew the answer, after all i hadnât exactly been surprised when he came. more like a sense of having your intuition confirmed.
âremember the night we met? i was alone and drunk, saying i was going for a night swim when i saw you sitting here alone. which shouldâve alerted me that you were a weirdo but between your beauty and the alcohol, those thoughts went to shit.â
i blushed slightly, âiâm not a weirdo, jackass. iâd had a rough night.â
âi know, kid. iâm just messing with you and besides, i mightâve drowned that night if you hadnât been here,â he smiled fondly but a bit sad as well.
âso, that makes me your knight in shining armor?â i grinned.
he scowled in mock annoyance, âhow dare you mock a damsel in distress?â
i chuckled and felt a heavy weight lift off my chest. i felt lighter than i had in a while, and all because of him.
âmy apologies, dear.â
he took my hand with a smile and brought it to his lips for a kiss, before placing it against his cheek.
âbut to answer your question, we always find each other,â his words sinking in. that was true. we always did as if there was some invisible string tying him to me.
âyouâre right. although youâre still not beating the stalker allegations,â i teased.
âugh shut up, it was one time!â he groaned.
i burst out laughing, âyou followed me for a whole day! thatâs some stalker behavior type shit.â
âcâmon, kid. i wanted to give you your bracelet back and i didnât know where you lived,â his eyes widening in a too innocent way which caused me to narrow mine.
âa bracelet that wasnât even mine. plus you couldâve just given it to me when you first saw me,â i crossed my arms in front of my chest with a raised brow.
âoh câmon, but whereâs the fun in that?â
i pushed his shoulder, playfully only for him to laugh and hug me.
âi really just wanted to know if you were with someone else, so i wouldnât make a fool of myself.â he whispered in my ear.
âyou couldâve just asked,â i rolled my eyes even though he couldnât see me.
âi wanted to be cool about it, ok? i had a reputation to maintain,â he joked but i knew he was a little serious. heâd been the epitome of a rich, arrogant, country club boy.
âi thought you were such an asshole.â who the fuck wears shades inside of a convenience store? you guessed it: rafe cameron.
he gasped in mock surprise, âyouâre just saying that because you had the hots for me.â
âpfft, sure buddy. i think youâre projecting a little,â i laughed.
âi never said i didnt,â this time his tone was a little too serious making my heart beat faster.
âcan we try this again?â he asked shyly.
i pondered for a moment before answering, âyes, but i want you to let me help you this time, ok?â
he moved his head to look me in the eye, âi promise.â
âok, but wait. what about your father?â iâd somehow forgotten how he hated me now. or maybe always had.
âwhat about him? iâm an adult, i can make my own decisions. besides itâs none of his business. heâs the one that got us here in the first place.â his tone was now angry, which was rare when he spoke of his father. it was usually filled with frustration and sadness when it came to him. and i knew how important his fatherâs approval was to him.
ârafe, i donât know. heâs still your father and i donât want to come between you two,â i lowered my eyes so he wouldnât see the tears threatening to spill.
he was silent for a moment before lifting my chin with his finger, frowning when he noticed my expression.
âyouâre the love of my life. iâm not losing you again, ok? heâll have to understand and i will talk to him. iâll tell him how things really went down. plus, he isnât innocent in any of this either.â
pursing my lips, i nodded. âokâ i didnât really believe ward would be capable of changing his mind, but if it made rafe happy then i would try and compromise.
rafe searched for my eyes with a soft smile, âi love you.â
i returned the smile, âi love you too.â
he then got up to his feet, reaching his hand down to help me stand. after a few more kisses and a hug, he took me to his truck. we drove around with no particular destination in mind but with the sole purpose of being by ourselves without prying eyes and judging remarks.
i hoped deep down that i wasnât making a mistake and that everything would be ok.
and as if on cue, âeverything is going to be ok.â i turned my head in surprise at his words.
âdonât act so shocked, kid. i know you better than i know myself.â he then lifted my hand again and kissed it like heâd done on the boardwalk.
i chuckled and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. with the windows down, the ocean breeze, his hand drawing circles on the back of mine, and the soft music playing, i felt myself float away.
âsleep, angel. i love you.â
and then i woke up.
JK JK ITâS NOT A DREAM.
or is it? HEHEHEHEHE
ALSO WHY IS SHE SO CODEPENDENT??? LIKE GIRL STAND UP (says the one who wrote her đŻââïž)
anywayyyy, if you made it this far THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU!!!
please feel free to write comments or whatever, i love talking to you all đ
and if you liked this check out my other stories!!
im currently writing a murder mystery kind of story and i only have two chapters for now, but i will make flashbacks with like text messages and diary entries and stuff. iâm trying to make it as if the reader is part of the investigation (I HOPE IM DOING A GOOD JOB) and i already have how i want the story to end but writing it is the hard part. like how long do i make it?? i donât want to rush it but i really want to finish it because the characters take a mind of their own when i write. does that make sense? prob not lol
div creds!!- by @anitalenia
#outer banks#rafe cameron#obx fanfiction#rafe obx#rafe x reader#obx fic#outer banks fanfiction#rafe x you#obx#outer banks angst#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe angst#rafe cameron x reader#rafe outer banks#outerbanks rafe#rafe imagine#rafe fanfiction#rafe fic#obx rafe cameron#obx x reader#gracie slaybrams#i miss you#i miss you im sorry
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i love you, iâm sorry
#i love you im sorry#i miss you im sorry#gracie abrams#gracie and taylor#the secret of us#good riddance#minor gracie abrams#music#lana del rey#female rage#ultraviolence#female hysteria#manic pixie dream girl#a&w#hyper feminine#coquette#cinnamon girl#girlblogging#this is what makes us girls#rob grant#whisper girl#girlblog#girl blog#lizzy grant#girlhood#lana del slay#lana dey rey#i think iâll miss you forever#just girly things#tumblrgirl
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agatha "i miss you im sorry" harkness and rio "i love you im sorry" vidal, i did not realize how much i needed you and thank you for your presence :)
#agatha all along#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agathario#agatha harkness x rio vidal#kathryn hahn#aubrey plaza#marvel#mcu#disney plus#gracie abrams#graciecore#theyre so gracie abrams coded#imyis#ilyis#i miss you im sorry#i love you im sorry#lesbian#lgbtq#wlw#sapphic
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I DONâT WANNA GO, THINK IâLL MAKE IT WORSEE/ EVERYTHING I KNOW BRINGS ME BACK TO USSS I DONâT WANNA GO, WEâVE BEEN HERE BEFORE / EVERYWHERE I GO LEADS ME BACK TO YOUUU (YOU SAID, âFOREVER,â AND I ALMOSTTT BOUGHT IT) I DONâT WANNA GO, THINK IâLL MAKE IT WORSE (I MISS FIGHTING IN YOUR OLD APARTMENT) EVERYTHING I KNOWWW BRINGS ME BACK TO USSSS (BREAKING DISHES WHEN YOUâRE DISAPPOINTED) I DONâT WANNA GO, WEâVE BEEN HERE BEFORE (I STILL LOVE YOU, I PROMISE) EVERYWHERE I GO LEADS ME BACK TO YOUUU (NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE WAY I WANTED) I DONâT WANNA GO, THINK IâLL MAKE IT WORSE (EVERY CORNER OF THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED) EVERYTHING I KNOW BRINGS ME BACK TO USSS (AND I KNOW YOU SAID THAT WEâRE NOT TALKING) I DONâT WANNA GO, WEâVE BEEN HERE BEFORE (BUT I MISS YOU) EVERYWHERE I GO LEADS ME BACK TO YOUU / I DONâT WANNA GO, THINK IâLL MAKE IT WORSE / EVERYTHING I KNOW BRINGS ME BACK TO USSSS / I DONâT WANNA GO, WEâVE BEEN HERE BEFORE / EVERYWHERE I GO LEADS ME BACK TO YOUUUU
#xoxochb#talk to me in songs and poems àŒâ§âË.#this song haunts my soul#i miss you im sorry#minor gracie abrams#gracie abrams
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đ¶ you were the best, but you were the worst, as sick as it sounds, i LOVED YOU FIRST i was a dick, it is what it is, a habit to kick, the AGE OLD CURSE i tend to laugh, whenever iâm sad, i stare at the crash, it ACTUALLY WORKS making amends, this shit never ends, iâm wrong again, WRONG AGAIN đ¶
#gracie abrams#tsou#the secret of us#tsou gracie abrams#tsou era#i love you im sorry#ilyim#imyis#i miss you im sorry
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I miss you, Iâm Sorry - Cincinnati Night 2
#taylor swift#gracie abrams#i miss you im sorry#the eras tour#ts eras tour#taylor swift the eras tour#surprise songs on the eras tour#the eras era#eras tour
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TAYLOR SWIFT performing I miss you, I'm sorry at The Eras Tour
#userpenny#userleanne#tsuserjen#tsusermels#tuseror#tuserhaz#userlizkhalifa#tsuserbella#tsuseraugust#userelena#userjl#tsuserashley#thingschanged#networkthirteen#tscreators#tsedit#tswiftedit#i miss you im sorry#my edit
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the hardest part of âno contactâ is waking up, and hoping that they broke it. even though you know they didnât. you still hope they did. because all youâve done is think about breaking it, because you miss them that much.
i just want to tell you about my halloween costume; and the new recipe i tried out for breakfast; how iâm completely unprepared for a test; i want to send you pictures of the gorgeous sunset i watched in my time zone; and i want to share my new favourite song with you; i want to cry about how i miss my family; how i miss you from oceans away. i want to talk to you about all my stupid dilemmas and hear you say âwhy are you stressing?â with a little frown on your face.
the hardest part of âno contactâ is accepting that maybe they miss you, or maybe they donât; itâs the ânot knowingâ, the most elusive type of torture; the slowest heartbreak.
- every corner of this house is haunted, and i know you said that weâre not talking but i miss you, Iâm sorry.
#writers#love#poetry#writers on tumblr#art#feelings#poetry community#spilled ink#writing#writer#no contact#heartbreak#break up#poets of tumblr#original poetry#poems of tumblr#relationship#poetry blog#writing blog#i miss you#gracie abrams#i miss you im sorry#the secret of us
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'Cause now I'm half of myself here without you, You're the best in my life and i lost you.
Where do we go now? - Gracie Abrams
#gracie abrams#literature#love quotes#poem#poetry#quoteoftheday#romance quotes#lovequote#music#love#song#gracie films#gracie carvalho#heather baron gracie#olivia rodrigo#talia talks#graciebon#taylor zakhar perez#anya taylor joy#taylornation#1989 taylor's version#taylor swift#the eras tour#eras tour#long live#swiftie#i miss you im sorry#were do we go now#renee rapp#lana del rey
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"Nothing happened in the way I wanted, every corner of this house is haunted, and I know you said that we're not talkin', but I miss you, I'm sorry..." -Gracie Abrams
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#ww2 bucky barnes#forties bucky#forties steve#captain america#the winter soldier#catfa#catws#stucky headcanon#stucky#stucky angst#brooklyn boys#mcu#marvel#gracie abrams#i miss you im sorry
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I miss you
I miss your childish behavior
I miss you loud laughter
I miss your fuckin stupid jokes
I miss when you looked at me after laughing with those "I love you" eyes
I miss when you held me
I miss every stupid flower you picked up for me
I miss your old apartment and I hate how it was like home to me
I miss the things I thought I hated about you
And I hate the fact that you act like you don't miss me at all
#words#original#personal#love#quotes#heartbreak#heartache#love quotes#breakup#i miss you#i miss you im sorry
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And what if I said Darrel and Paul are âI love you, Iâm sorryâ and âI miss you, Iâm sorryâ coded??
Darrel first.
âYouâre in your Benz, Iâm by the lakeâ because Paul has money and Darrel doesnât. âI like to slam doors closedâ is how Darrel reflects on his life and closes doors to certain opportunities because of his brothers. âI push my luck, it showsâ is quite literally just Darrel blaming everything on himself. He had Paul, pushed the barrier of friendship into some unknown that they could never keep and eventually lost him.
âYou were the best but you were the worstâ is how Darrel used to view Paul as the greatest thing in his life. Then they fell out and all of a sudden Paul is hurting his younger brother. âAs sick as it sounds, I loved you firstâ is Darrelâs resentment of Paulâs future relationships. Because Paul forces himself to think he likes girls and gets a girlfriend and Darrel hates him for it. âIâm making amends this shit never ends, Iâm wrong again, wrong againâ is more of a reflection of Darrelâs relationship with his brothers. He and Pony made up and are closer now, but their problems arenât over and probably never will be.
âJoyriding down our roadâ is Darrelâs reflection of how he and Paul used to be. Theyâd have fun because the weight of the world wasnât so heavy and was even less prominent when they were together. It wasnât a greaser and a Soc, it was Paul and Darrel. âLay on the horn to prove that it haunts meâ is how Darrel feels now. He canât go certain places without thinking about everything he used to have. Because 17 year old Darry would never imagine that he would be a college dropout, have two dead parents, be raising his little brothers, and doesnât even has his main supporter and best friend (maybe more but thatâs not important) with him.
âHope that I donât, wonât, make it about meâ is how Darrel feels when he sees Paul in town. Itâs how he felt seeing Paul at the rumble (I have a whole other ramble about Paul and Darrel seeing each other the night before the rumble but thatâs for another time). Itâs Darrel getting asked about the Madras shirt and answering bitterly because the truth is, he does still have it. He sometimes bundles it up and holds it when he sleeps because he likes the idea that maybe, eventually, he and Paul can be friends again. That what they had wasnât a teenage fling, but something more real.
âI love you, Iâm sorryâ is Darrelâs apology. He desperately and hopelessly loves Paul. He always has and probably always will.
Paul now.
âDo you remember, happy together? I do, donât you?â Is Paul trying to logic that he and Darrel just werenât happy and Darrel responding with the fact that they were always happy right up until their falling out. âYou said forever, in the end I fought it. Please be honest, are we better for itâ is Paul after he and Darrel drifted apart after the Curtis parents died. They used to be together all the time and Darrel swore itâd be that way forever. And Paul who always joked that they couldnât be together forever, theyâd have their own lives eventually. Paul who desperately wanted Darrel to say that it was true and Paul was never that important to him, so that Paul could move on.
âThought youâd hate me but instead you called and said I miss you, I caught itâ is Paul going back to college after Darrel drops out and thinking Darrel must hate him for it. But he doesnât. The first night Paul is back in what used to be their shared dorm, the phone rings. Itâs Darrel. Darrel who didnât realize how much he needed Paul there to help him sort out things until Paul was gone. It was Darrel, quietly crying so as not to wake his brothers and he tells Paul that he needs him, loves him, and misses him.
âBut I only saw you once in December.â Is post rumble. Itâs the winter afterwards and Darrel is struggling. Heâs drowning in hospital bills, needing to heat the house and pay for food, and all of this while being the middle of winter when less people need their roofs done. Itâs Paul driving past and seeing Darrel trying and work in the freezing cold. Itâs Paul going and getting Darrelâs coffee order and taping some money to the bottom. Itâs Paul dropping it off when Darrel isnât looking and Darrel coming back to his stuff to see a piping hot drink with $40 taped to the bottom with his name written out in handwriting heâll never forget.
âNothing happened in the way I wanted, every corner of this house is hauntedâ is actually about Paulâs house. Paulâs house that was never a home except when Darrel stayed over. Because normally it was a house that had three people in it. Three people who may as well have been strangers to each other. Then Darrel came. Darrel who came to Paulâs house and hummed and snuggled up with Paul in his bed as they just talked. Darrel who ran his fingers through Paulâs hair and just loved him. âI know you said that weâre not talking, but I miss you, Iâm sorryâ is what Paul said when Darrel called him the night after the coffee incident. Paul picks up the phone and hears a quite mutter of his name in a much rougher tone than heâs used too, but still, thereâs something else in his voice. Itâs what Paul says because he doesnât know what else to say.
âEverything I know brings me back to usâ is Paul seeing Darrel in every car drive with windows down, every football game on TV, every time he looks at his damn football jacket that he knows has a message from Darrel written on the inside, every single time a song Darrel used to hum is on the radio, and is the Darrel that Paul sees in himself and how he still wears the shirts Darrel told him looked good and still styles his hair how Darrel used to love.
âI donât wanna go, weâve been here before, everywhere I go leads me to youâ is Paul telling himself thereâs no way Darrel will ever love him again because I mean, how could he, Paul has done every single thing that makes him hate himself and would make Darrel hate him. Itâs Darrel offering to meet up for lunch and Paul accepting that whenever Darrel asks, Paul is willing to try again.
And I rest my statements with that claim that Paul Holden is the most Gracie Abrams coded man ever.
#the outsiders musical#the outsiders broadway#the outsiders#parry#paul holden#darry curtis#darrel curtis#peril#i love you im sorry#i miss you im sorry#ugh they make me sick#I love it#guys Paul is so Gracie coded itâs crazy#just wait till I start about how Noah Kahan coded Darrel is
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when gracie abrams said "every page that i wrote, you were on it" and all i could think of was the fact that your name has twenty letters in it, when you smile i can see your canines, and love never felt like love before i met you.
#kay'smidnightramblings#creative writing#gracie abrams#the secret of us#good riddance#taylor swift#the eras taylor swift#the tortured poets department#evermore#folklore#midnights#i love you im sorry#i miss you im sorry#felt good about you#normal things#i knew it i know you#close to you#us.#blowing smoke#let it happen#tough love#good luck charlie#gave you i gave you i#risk#spilled ink#dead poets society#just thinking#prose#i love him#poetry
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You canât edit a ship to Gracie Abrams and not expect me to curl up in a ball and SOB
#Noah and Hozier are also apart of this trinity#I near died#I swear to you#murther#jjpope#starchaser#wolfstar#zukka#percabeth#everlark#newtmas#supercorp#superbat#Lexie x April#Maddison#jack and the doctor#buddie#so many more#gracie abrams#i miss you im sorry#STEREK
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ilyis + imyis
THIS TOOK AWAY AND GAVE ME LIFE AT THE SAME TIME ISTG. THE HOUR THAT I LITERALLY SPENT SITTING ON THE FLOOR (idk why on the floor) TO GET THE LYRICS TO LINE UP AND TO MAKE IT SOUNDS HALF DECENT AHHHHHHH. anyway im in love with the second half. and i think the imyis part was to show gracie when she was younger like long haired gracie? idk i need to stop trying to add some irrelevant meaning and just say i liked those mv's so i used them. anyway i rambled so much here enjoy!! (ALSO TWO EDITS IN ONE DAY IM ON FIRE!!!!)
@arqbella, @reminiscentreader, @xo-zozo, @svnflowermoon, @maybxlle
#ËËËems edits ËËË#gracie đ§àŸàœČ#gracie abrams#i love you iâm sorry#i miss you im sorry#tsou#gracie abrams edit#ilyis#imyis#the secret of us#minor
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