#i miss staying up. i want to have fun
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yeah no i love being so tired at 9pm that i can barely keep my eyes open and also nearly falling asleep after every time i eat and also still being depressed in spite of psychoactives in my brain. muna voice life's so fun life's so fun got my miniskirt and my rollerblades on fndhdhjdsdksjks
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"Papa!"
just my daily missing dad Loid time feat. his kids 🥹
(the baby's name is James!)
#spy x family#loid forger#anya forger#james forger#oc#forger fam#listen i miss them so bad#i have new ideas but every time i want to start drawing i just hop on one of my many wips to work on them as a warm up#and then i end up just finishing it lmao#deffo not me working on at least 3 wips at the same time#after finishing this piece i stayed up till 2am thinking up headcanons#had so much fun doing it but at what cost (i slept 4hrs)
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back for a silly goofy time
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#neon vampers#really wanted to get back into posting but nothing would be enough to make me stay#so why not just change things up to a silly format and have fun with it whenever i have something to tell#anyways i miss this community!!!!
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Game night ruined.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#wang lingjiao#If the assorted Jiang disciples look familiar it's because they are the same as the disciples in the LWJ in Yunmeng Jiang AU comics!#I decided that if I was going to have background characters come up a lot I may as well solidify a few designs.#We are following MLP background character rules in the sense there are more disciples around but these guys fill in for them#Do they have names? No(t yet).#I just think the jiang disciples are very sweet and cute in the audio drama. I hope nothing bad happens to them.#(let me have me fun and whimsy with them before...you know...)#I feel like I totally missed an opportunity to set WLJ up as an 'Um Actually" girl.#“you're hitting on my man? UM ACTUALLY get BURNT”#“You want to fly kites? UM ACTUALLY It's offensive to my sect so get fucked”#“UM ACTUALLY we're setting up a supervisory office here”#“You want me to stay? UM ACTUALLY I think we pissed off some ghosts so I'm outtie <3”#Do you see the lost potential here? I'm furious at myself for not seeing it sooner.
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Me: I joke about writing the same McCoy centric story over and over again in different ways
Me: and like. I love doing it and imma keep doing it because it makes me happy.
Me: but also. I do sometimes wonder if it's like. A little Much.
Me: like maybe I should branch out or something
Me: [reads another fundamental and extremely insulting misread of McCoy's character by someone who is clearly making a Choice to cast McCoy as the villain, because they have to get him out of the way of spirk, because they're too???? idk immature??? to realize that even when you're in a relationship with one person, other ppl can and SHOULD still be important to you]
Me: lmao I hope I AM too much actually!!!! I hope it is 100% obnoxious how much I love that doctor!!!!! Time to write more versions of the same story of McCoy being forced to realize that he is loved and cared for!!!!!!
Me: I KNOW MY NICHE AND IMMA DIE IN THAT NICHE, THANKS
#mine#not putting this in the mcc*y/tr*k tags bc i am venting not trying to start 💾🐎 [discourse]#but woof. WOOF. i want you to know that if you hate the doc then sp*ck and k*rk would hate YOU#like seeing someone say they're sp*ck or jim coded and then say flagrantly absurd things about mcc*y.......u are garbage coded actually.#sp*ck and k*rk would literally never#i will never understand how so many ppl can ship mcc*y’s besties and then???? hate on mcc*y?????????#i block LIBERALLY so i have a lot of b*nes haters blocked already tbf#i just stumble across one in the wild sometimes alas#that mindset btw is how that counseling fic came about lmao - we were talking about how if sp*rk dated they'd still drag mcc*y EVERYWHERE#romantic or platonic he is THEIRS just like they're HIS. it's a triumvir*te my guy#any two of them hook up they're still making the third stay at their side 24/7 lolllllll#how can you claim to love sp*ck and k*rk and so fundamentally misunderstand them and their relationship with b*nes#genuinely tragique#you are missing out on so much fun#we are not watching the same show lmao <3 leave my doctor alone <3 leave his bfs alone too <3#me: i should let things go / sp*ck: have you instead considered being a petty bitch / me: what / sp*ck: they can get fucked and die mad 🖖#me: ur so right sp*ck / sp*ck: i usually am#guess who literally just found out that if the word is contained w/in a longer tag it now shows up if you search that word!!!!!#that change very well may not be recent but i just found out!!!! anyway. asterisks added.#i give up. tumblr keeps putting this in the fucjing tags. hellsite (full of hatred)#eta: didn't think to make this non-rebloggable earlier but now it is lmao. it's just a vent post y'all <3
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maybe the real voltron was the friends we made along the way
#so i finished. feels like they did not put a lot of thought into shiro or hunk's epilogue lmfao#overall i dont think it was Bad. it could have been better yknow. but again. it feels like they just needed a little extra time to breathe#in development. it's just bones.#i do think perhaps some of the criticisms i have seen of it are just from people pissing on the poor#i could fix her!!! ough i really do want to rewrite this sdnfksjfd but that would unfortunately require. having to watch this again#and i cant do that in 24 hours#im so sad this is disappearing. this is the only show for which i ever stayed up for the midnight PST release#back when only season 1 and maybe 2? were out i used to watch them constantly. sometimes in spanish to practice#like i wouldnt have ever finished without the threat of it leaving but this is the worst timing to reawaken my affection for it lmao#grateful for it. wish i hadnt waited so long#i did need time to forget the insanity tho bc if i had made myself keep going and finish at the time#it would have poisoned the ending i think. nice to finally watch those last 4-5 episodes with a fresh perspective#but at the same time this is How Many Years ive missed out on being able to talk about it lmao#maybe there is a renaissance. idk i havent looked into it too much but i guess i should now huh#we'll see if things are any different or if it's just the same shit i got tired of the first time around#but anyway. the show is still fun and i enjoyed it for the most part. very sad to see it go#mine#voltron
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I just rewatched moonknight and your audios are literally the only thing keeping me alive in that somewhat dead fandom THANK YOU 😭😭🙏
i do feel adrift making moon knight stuff still so thank you
#like even if season 2 does ever happen ive seen rumors that if it does marvel wants to tie it further into the mcu#like obvs it was already in the mcu but i mean ive heard they might put avengers characters in moon knight and#honestly im too tired of the mcu have been for too long#marvel ruined marvel for me#moon knight would honestly be the only mcu property id go and watch but i wont if it ends up with whoever the current avengers are in it#i dont want to go and do homework and watch all the mcu movies and shows ive missed just to watch moon knight season 2#and if they put loki series bullshit like the tva in there then i cant watch it at all#thats why i couldnt watch deadpool and wolverine even though i was initially excited for it#the loki series caused me as a trans person active in the loki fandom to get harassed so much i cant see anything#to do with that show without getting uncomfortable so if the tva is there i especially wont be watching moon knight#i dont know how marvel thinks they can sustain the mcu forever like surely if new people want to get into the mcu#or even like kids who like superheros they cant just to go the cinema and watch the newest movie#cos they wont understand anything unless they stay home and do homework by watching years of movies and tv shows first#having everything connected at first was run. watching avengers assemble in the cinema was fun.#but theres too much now and it hasnt been fun in a long time#i also remember hearing after phase 1 they got rid of the team that made sure all the movies by different writers and directors#still felt cohesive and had continuity with each other and i feel that shows more every year#wow didnt expect to be giving an mcu rant in the tags its just sad sometimes to think how long i loved marvel for#and now i really couldnt care less about it. though that started with endgame when they made fatphobic jokes about thor all movie#that was the last time i saw a marvel movie in cinemas. think it was the last time i watched any mcu movie.#watched a few shows after that but got too burned by the transphobia in the loki series. and then moon knight and then nothing.#im just sitting here forever clinging onto the main mcu timeline loki who died in infinity war and never got brought back to life#just me and them in my own corner where they can have nice genderfluid representation#the vampire answers
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The past couple weeks it’s been really hitting me how much harder it’s been teaching Pride and Prejudice this year—which was so disappointing at first? Because works I’ve traditionally had a harder time with I’ve felt like i’ve broken new ground while teaching and am teaching the kids BETTER. So initially I was so frustrated that my historically easiest work to teach was feeling so difficult! But there’s been some good days that have let me see that part of what was happening was that I have simply never reached this number of kids with pride and prejudice before and so consequently I have never had so many kinds of reactions before! In the waking up from the sleep of simply never paying attention there IS going to be plenty of stupidity, contrariness, crankiness, and almost arguing? Like even with themsELVES. And that’s a good thing.
#it’s hard because I am simply very sensitive and very tired#but I know it’s so good#like I just want to reach as many of them as possible and draw them in#and sometimes the words they say—as hard to hear as it can be for me—are simply proof they are being reached#something is Happening to them#of course not all. there is the usual garden variety boredom adolescent angst and checked out-ness#but this is more than that#anywayyyy of course this is mostly about teaching teenage boys#they’re not going to show you when they’re moved. in words.#but it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening#I talked to another teacher today about it and she goes ‘I can see it happening among them too’#and it has helped! because I really was just in my head about it#first about the book itself (an insane thing but I had a bit of a wobble of just like. okay should I be teaching this)#and then about my own ability.#but it’s just that thing of leveling up.#and yeah some days it DOES make me miss the time when I and the book was sooooo under the radar that 90% of the class quietly checked out#and me and the rest of the students had an undetected fun time#I LIKE to stay in the shadows. in the peace and quiet#but clearly I am not meant to and I have a true compulsion to draw in as many people as possible#it can be scary but I know it’s good#teaching tag#ANYWAYS. thanks for listening
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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“Wait, so this is why other people always have their priorities straight? Work and fun feel similar to them? The same sort of brain chemical release?”
“Because like, if skateboarding feels the same as doing homework, WHY skateboard? I could just walk for exercise and then do homework.”
“This is why everyone pretty much is expected to grow up and be a boring adult.”
“Well, I refuse to join the ranks. But…I recognize there’s a time and place for fun. I just have to carve out that place myself apparently.”
“I think I know how to manage my time now…tentatively. And how to regulate when I take my meds and when I don’t.”
#alvin seville#alvin and the chipmunks#alvinnn and the chipmunks#alvin 2.0#alternate universe#aatc#adhd meds#adhd problems#tasks#workaholic#i love my crazy brain#but I want to make it work in my favor#and I still want to enjoy fun stuff#I hate that work and fun feel identical on meds.#but it makes homework a lot more tolerable#I miss the rush#so I’ll just…let myself have the rush again#Now that I’m FINALLY caught up and ahead again#maybe….maybe trying to constantly stay all caught up is the problem#maybe I just have to accept that I’m gonna have alphabet soup grades for life#anyway#rambles#trying to decide if I need dopamine today or if I wanna try and make my own through daydreams#I probably need it#but I PROMISE PROMISE MYSELF I’ll have fun this weekend
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i'm pretty sure i've cut all content consumption out of my routine now
i don't mean that in the sense of i no longer consume content, i mean i've managed to remove it from routine behaviour
yes i will scroll instagram but it's not the first thing i do on waking until i get through all the posts since yesterday. it's just something i choose to do when i feel like it
yes i will watch youtube but i no longer go through all videos since yesterday from all the channels i'm subscribed to and watch them all or add it to watch later if i can't squeeze it into the day. this was my most recent success so i'm avoiding my subscriptions tab so i don't fall into the hole and am instead looking up individual channel videos to watch for no more than an hour. when i'm convinced my brain will behave i believe i will be able to scroll subscriptions casually and only when i want to.
this used to cause me such trouble because i genuinely saw these things as part of my routine so i'd be over here like man my routine of consuming content is all messed up because i went out for the day with someone i will need to double it tomorrow to fix it so i'm back on track. or i'd be like kinda wanted to do this today but a youtuber i follow uploaded a 2 hour video so I won't be able to fit it in :/
anyway that was trash. now i think i just have routines around food (3 meals a day) and work/study. Everything else is clean and free. I can do whatever I feel like when i have free time. i feel a little lost now but at least i'm no longer spending hours on content consumption when it's not actually making me happy
#i genuinely don't think i could've just made the decision to cut each thing out until i got to this point#each thing i've managed to cut out of my routine has been done as the result of a routine disruption#like i go away for two weeks and have no internet access#or my most recent one was bc i had a concussion and stayed away from tech for a week#i'm like well i alreayd dropped xyz for two weeks so i just won't pick it up again when i get back to internet access#and eventually enough time will pass that i cannot repair what i missed without putting in SIGNIFICANT effort#so i can approach it again and limit my interactions until i'm sure my brain will behave#every single time i've caught myself going ugh i don't really want to do this but i need to catch up#red fucking flag bro. it's content consumption. it's not that important. it should be fun and enjoyable#it has no place in my routine behaviour. it's welcome to be something i LIKE to do regularly#but cannot be something i find myself needing to do to meet my routine. that sucks#but hey. progress. curious to see where i can go from here#can start from scratch. what will i do with this.#the last week i have only spent time on my laptop to check my emails and do my uni work basically#then i shut it down for the day#that also feels good to me. i don't need to spend all day on it. i can do other things
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Just Ordered a rapier for my Lucy cosplay for a con later this month, wish me luck folks🤞
#AND ILL HAVE A SWORD TOO!!!!!!#this is so cool.....#i love using cosplay as an excuse to buy a sword and make stuff#and i also get to dress up cool to#goddamn i miss book week..... come back my love!!!!!! i want to dress up as book characters!!!!!!#ofjfhsh#one day maybe ill show yall photos on my cosplays for book weeks previous those were so fun#and i even still have the books for some of them!!!!!#..the devil talks in scottish brogue..#..babbling please let me stay..
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so much
#so much has happened so much to say#friend who i spoke about in past REALLY pissed me off at my pole showcase#i do pole dancing and we had a showcase and ahe invited herself last minute on the day#which whatev u kno i was like ok shes making an effort to support me#then she goes and pulls me out of the crowd to tell me she wants to leave and my bf is gonna take her home#i was so upset cuz we had plans and i told her to her face what she did was rude#immediately starts back tracking. i dont trust like that.#it took me being visibly upset before you think about how your actions affect others??#not my bf telling u no he wants to stay bc i want to stay??#anyway fuck her. sick of puttng energy into her just to get disrespected again and again#back on my fucking no friends arc#but i love my bf. i really do.#i was upset w him too tbh but we talked it out and man is just a bit of a fucking pushover#i was like if youre not gonna defend and stand up for me i dont want to be with you. its important to me that i know youre on my side#i shouldnt have had to have handled that. you shouldve told her no and been done with it#and he said he did but i was like i had to come out. i had to say no. i shouldnt have had to have done that#missed out on the big group photo cuz of it#but pole is really fun my instructor reckons i can move to interprep abt halfway thru next term soooo exciting!!#i graded 2 combos yesterday#upside down flip both sides and climbing to the top of the pole#she got me to do a tuck spin too but i really need to work on my tucks#my wrists are instable so the tucks are extremely hard cuz if i fuck them up they HURT#lol#stefan is meeting my parents this week lol#and theyve invited him to christmas...#he doesnt like christmas and normally spends it w ppl w no families so idk if hell come#like truthfully i want him there but if hes not ready hes not ready i cant force him#i understand its a big thing and like overwhelming n what not#well see how he goes meeting them first#oh i love him
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*remembers what they did to Vanny* 500 FUCKING PIPEBOMB ATTACK.
#em.txt#WHY#how can you see the fucking absolute fire that is building up & go. 'yeah douse it. now bring back peepaw AGAIN'#BUILD HER UP 2 GAMES EARLY --- & THEN DO NOTHING!!!!!!!!? FUCK#WE CAN'T HAVE WOMEN DO THINGS IN FNAF I GUESS#the company's scop was too big & they developed the game seperately from the environment & made the environment above the game#cut playable vanessa sections. cut vanny appearances.#remove all the plot make vanessa a bitch throw in some invisible walls call it done. 30 dollars now please#security breach isn't just bad. it's not fucking done.#the thing normally with cut content is i can usually agree like 'okay this game cut this but that was a smart choice'#it can be better for time or budget & it can make for better writing.#for instance all the cut content in ahit is neat & as much as i like moonie it's smart to cut his character to build up other ones#& makes for a tighter story & less convoluted area that's more fun to play#when i look at the cut content for security breach their are obvious issues.#it's obvious the company's scope went too far. you built too big an environment. you built the environment before your game.#you prioritized a cool area to the point you expanded the mall from 1 story to 3. do you think that time could have been speant elsewhere#& the other problem is the insane fucking crunch that scott cawthon as a dev placed on himself & others to maintain relevancy#a single person locking themselves ina room for months to stay relevant is fucked. a game studio physically cannot do that.#you see shit in the prerelease like they wanted a bowling minigame a kart minigame a freeroam minigame etc#what about vanny? what did you want with this character? you clearly had something in mind#but we needed to cut it so we can fit in mazercise i fucking guess or chica's bakery or trash heap#here's what we have: less than 1 minute screentime. the 2 vanessa ending comic. that's it#oh wait i forgot. 'vanny. sounds like vanessa & bunny. this cabnot be a coincidence ' & THEN IT NEVER COMES UP AGAIN#princess quest used to be about that bitch in golden freddy you retconned it to be about vanessa SO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT#her whole shit is apparently in service to william afton. why isn't she in the afton fight at all#does she not know he's down there? is he unrelated? does she know she's working for the mimic? is she not working for him?#is she at all related to the fucking bunny from ruin or like what#what about the rainbow hair. what about her tech prowess. what about the cut missing kids only referenced in duffle bag messages now.#fuck you & fuck me as well why can't i be passionate about hvac systems#why's it gotta be this shittass gsme.
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I want to cut my hair
I want to cut my hair
I can't cut my hair because fuck if I know where the hair clippers are and even if I did know where they are I can't take a fucking shower to help me clean up afterwards
I can't fucking shower because we still don't have water in the house
#the plumbers are coming tomorrow#I really hope they fix things so I can take a shower#I'm metaphorically chewing on the walls#I'm literally scratching my skin off from my eczema#look I read books like My Side of the Mountain and Little House in the Big Woods because they are fun not because I wanted to recreate them#this whole thing could have been avoided with the properly timed phone call but we missed that window and how we need to play catch up#before winter arrives#cause guess what hauling buckets of water to use the toilet only works when you have a hose to fill them#and in winter the hose has to be turned off so it doesn't freeze#I am very grumpy and feel very gross#my last shower was 6 days ago (last Friday)#I've been able to use body wipes to stay mostly clean but it's not the same
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Accidentally stumbled onto the dark side of Tumblr again, DEAR GRACE SOME FOLKS NEED INTENSE THERAPY, or need to stop doing drugs, maybe both, my eyes, my poor, poor eyes, I need a holy water and bleach combo
Also I should watch gravity falls again
#I also stumbled upon the extremely delulu side by accident#no idea if its ragebait or what but someone was just like EXTREMELY AGAINST ALASTOR IN ANY SHIP#which is valid you have your own opinion I respect that BUT THEY LITERALLY SAID ITS BECAUSE ALASTOR HIMSELF TOLD THEM?#Alastor is a fictional character and HE BETTER STAY THAT WAY#reminded me of those creepypasta kids who would pretend that Slenderman was real and be edgy#I was friends with one of those#they were... not the healthiest friendship like I'm not super traumatized by them but they definitely left a mark#took me like two years to not jump at the mention of their name#it's like 5 am for me rn I gotta get up in a couple to babysit children which is fitting because todays fic is a daycare au fic thats very#wholesome and I'm having fun writing it IT HEALS THE SCARS#i want corn bread again#my mom makes this really good cheddar cheese cornbread and it's tasty#she also makes like this honey one which is just corn bread with honey drizzled on it and popped into the air fryer#I'm also lowkey craving this casserole I made once with corn bread#I forgot what it's called but it had ground beef+ taco seasoning mixed with like vegetables and a TON of cheese and#it's just so TASTY i love it#like my all time favorite casserole#speaking of casseroles i can't wait for thanksgiving to roll around#I'm allergic to rice but theres this cheese rice and broccoli casserole that gets made#I sometimes sneak a bite#I'm not like deathly allergic I just break out in hives like with tomatoes#OO PLUS THANKSGIVIN' TURKEY my dad makes like a GREAT gravy to go with it#I look forward to it every year#and I'm from the south so we also have sweet potatoes mashed potatoes with marshmallows and cinnamon roasted on the top#and depending if my moms side is visiting we GET PUERTO RICAN FOOD#my mom makes the best food ever#i remember I had macaroons and me and moony were sneakily eating them in the kitchen because they were just for us#and my younger cousin walked in like “Ph macaroons! i want one” and I#without missing a beat just told him “Sure but their pumpkin spice flavored” and he left#it wasn't pumpkin spice it was mango I jsut didn't want to share with him Because the macarons were a reward I need to sleep now goodbye
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