#i miss my sister but it's worth it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gummy-sharks666 · 4 months ago

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Someday I’m going to relearn all those piano pieces I was forced to stress over and memorize to a T for recitals and competitions and anytime people came over and my parents wanted to show off for ME and no one else. Being told that piano was my “gift” and “purpose” and I was never supposed to take a break from it or do activities outside of it or else I would be squandering my “gift from god”, and being treated like a fucking show pony absolutely RUINED piano for me. After I had my near complete breakdown and quit with the piano teacher I was with I couldn’t even touch the keyboard without the fear of being watched or recorded or used as a bragging rite. I was only good for one thing and nothing else. Anytime I watch my recital videos back I can HEAR the sheer amount of anxiety that riddled my playing. Someday I want to relearn those pieces without all the stress, without the crushing feeling that this is my only worth.

#gifted kid burnout #religious trauma #I miss the pieces #trauma dump ig #sorry #just kills me that I was literally good for nothing else but piano #that’s the only thing people found worth in me for #that and being the ‘helpful sister’#because evangelicalism LOVES parentifying the kids!#and my fuckass dad was worthless

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months ago

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#its seems we really may be at the end of vanity #i missed a call from my dad and thought we might be in a connors birthday situation but no. not yet #he did say that it feels like this is it bc my mom's situation is complicated bc she has so much wrong at this point #its like a h0use md episode. the doctors dont seem to kno what to do and shes not very coherent #so my dad was saying that i should look at flights and by tonight hell let me kno if i should pull the trigger and buy a one way ticket home #it sucks. he sounds rough. i feel so bad for him. his wife of 29 years is dying #its not fair. shes only 53 #i wanna be there but im stuck here across the country. i wanna go home. thats a bit frighting tho bc itll take me at least 10 hrs to travel #and i dont want her to die while im in the air but i also dont want her to suffer #i hope she gets better but if she doenst i hope its fast. there dont seem to do any good options. shes so tried and its so complicated #and if she does get better than this then what would that even mean? my sister says it doesnt feel like there will b a better anymore after #this. and bless her to the ends of the earth she reached out this morning and was giving me updates #comforting to kno im not just being dramatic. its actually just really bleak #its kinda funny tho. my sister was like meh it doesnt seem so bad and then like 10min later she was like yeah no i was wrong its sorta #horrible apprently shes been deterorating #god. if i go back home do i take clothes for a funeral? do i keep up to date with my genomics class? will i become offset from my graduate #cohort? will i get my wish to play with legos at home? all questions worth considering #well. ill deal with whatever comes. so it goes. itll b fine. i mean ill b fine #just sad ya kno?#three weeks ago she was alright and saying she could fly out to take care of me after oral surgery #now shes dying #unrelated

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hannyoontify · 1 month ago

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top 3 asian daughter moments:

buying the new jeans beach bag album at barnes & nobles for five bucks. FIVE. BUCKS.

#this was before the boycott btw #i literally almost cried when i saw the $5 sticker #i missed my uber bc i was checking it out #but #it was worth it #gave it to my sister #and kept the bag #but x2 #my mom was so proud of me LMFAOAOAOAOAO #hannyoontify.misc

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1roentgen · 2 months ago

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hmmmmmmm

#drunk again a little bit #feeling good as hell #everything’s gonna be ok #appreciation post for judydoll’s tinted lip gloss in 02 ice strawberry something whatever #non sticky… non transferring.. very flattering not in an unnatural way #basically looks like i’ve just chugged an ice cold m150 or like ate a popsicle yk #if ur a pale bitch like me just get it it’s gooooood i feel like the shit rn it’s sexy asf best and only cosmetic product i own #i was gonna watch evangelion with my siblings earliwr #it’s my brother’s fave show and i’ve been meaning to start it for a while #naked rei kinda freaked out my sister though #what’s her deal #big puritan bout every damn thing #anyway big argument.#doubt she’ll be watching any more of the show which is a shame cuz #i’ve missed hanging out just the three of us. ye olden days of harry potter movies and minecraft are long gone #and nge do live up to the hype #on ep 5 or something so far #so far my thoughts:#rei is creepy as fuck and i don’t really like or dislike her #everybody is too hard on shinji; bros just a kid experiencing horrors beyond human comprehension #i wonder if i’d have what it takes to pilot an EVA #ik the pilots go thru hell but that’s kind of the dream innit #everybody feels like they’re saddled with some kind of crushing burden #everybody is in a way #u gotta be alive in the world and try to live a good life n shit #it’s such a horrible burden to live #but for it to actually matter in the grand scheme of things you know #pilot a cool mech save humanity #for ur struggle and pain to actually be worth something that’s what we all want #oh and the third episode(?) where shinji’s classmates/ former bullies end up in unit01’s cockpit

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helianthusaster · 6 months ago

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I'm in the process of writing a fic/making a zine/drawing a comic (i havent decided on the medium yet lol) where the Enterprise ends up (for reasons) on a planet full of hybrid people (like romulan/vulcan, human/vulcan, human/klingon, klingon/vulcan, andorian/romulan, etc) and I'm running low on character ideas!

The fic is set in TOS and I know Spock is (technically) the first human/Vulcan hybrid but that doesn't mean he's the Only humanovulcanoid! If you have a hybrid OC reblog this post and I'll draw them and, if you're ok with it, add them into the story! Interspecies couples are welcome too!!!

Also, as someone born with a rare condition (not the same but still) that underwent an experimental procedure I find that the more people I see and meet that are having an easier time living because of the new surgeries developed after my procedure helps tremendously with my mental health and I want to be able to give that to Spock as well cause it Sucks being the only one!!!

Tl:dr, rb this with your hybrid tos ocs and I'll draw them and add them into the story if youre ok with it!!! They can be as "Mary Sue" as you like!!! I want to see them!!!

#caspian rambles #ocs #star trek #star trek tos #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #for those curious i was born with a right-sided diaphragmatic hernia #and the procedure was an angioplastic balloon (if i remember correctly)#the procedure they cut me nearly in half for nearly 25 years ago is now done laproscopically #they dont have to live with a broken rib and a spasming diaphragm #and that makes living all the more worth it to me #im ok the pain is managable and the spasms have decreased thankfully #its funny when people look at me all sad when i tell them cause i was born with it #i literally do not know what im missing out on #so like #why are you sad??? its just my life???#im used to it!!!#if you want to feel sad go talk to my recently disabled sister who Knew what it was like to be Able-bodied and Well #like ???

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akabloom · 2 years ago

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been having too many matoba sibling thoughts 😔

#natsume yuujinchou #natsuyuu #my art #natsume's book of friends #seiji matoba #matoba seiji #miss matoba #hiding my explanation in the tags bc i’m a coward #but i really think seeing seiji’s eye would really pain his sister #it’d be like a constant reminder of what would’ve happened to her (n maybe wishing it would’ve been her instead of her little brother)#i think at a young age she understood that she really wasn’t worth anything to the clan since she wasn’t able to see youkai #(sticking to that idea)#god i need to know about her more or i’ll end up writing her myself lmfao

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be-good-to-bugs · 9 months ago

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if i ignore my problems surely they will go away on their own right?

#the bin #i am trying. i need to put my energy towards good things instead if stressing abt stupud stuff #i was planning to go out this week and di a fun thing but the place ud planned to go is naking me really nervous now #theres apparently been 2 of the staff harassing and assaulting fem people especially when theyre separated from their friends and like #id be going alone. at night. not very ideal. and unlikely to be worth the time and effort + the door fee.#well. i am going to be happy because im gonna play games eith my sister and thats great. i miss her so much #why did i get stuck living with my shitty older sister instead of the cool one. shes SO cool.#i wanna play minecraft with people so bad. its a little depressibg to play by myself. it makes me feel lonely #hhhh. my head hurts!!!!

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ratwars2023 · 1 year ago

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something is just like wrong with me and i deserve to be put down i think

#cant even fucking bike up a hill without panting and crying #and im stuck on campus and i have to bike back #i wish i was skinny i wish i wish i wish. if i was skinny it would be acceptable for me to not be able to bike #physical weakness would be okay #but im horrible and disgusting and i just keep making it worse #i cant enjoy anything and i dont even want to go home #because my sister keeps pushing me to exercise and i cant without feeling like this #every time she says ‘hey come biking come rock climbing can you at least come for a walk’#its like. reminder! you need to do something to fix your fucking body!#gonna end up missing a weeks worth of my favourite class cause im stuck crying in the fucking bathroom #and i have so much fucking work to do and i dont do any of it #i just want to lay in a ditch and decompose #i cant even fucking cry in peace cause some bitch is in this bathroom brushing her teeth

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applejarjar · 1 year ago

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The first sleeve I made for my costume! I'm going as a Druid who can shift into a dragon 🐲

First time making chainmail and actually building a costume myself!

And of course included in the photoset is the necklace that inspired my scalemail, it was a gift I got from my family

The lighting in my house makes everything look so blue but it's all pride themed! Can't wait to take some pics in the sun so the purple can really shine through!!

#Btw I made this for a ren Faire costume #I'm going to make a matching sleeve for my other arm too!#The links are done I just need to get some leather to lace it up with and also strengthen some of the rings #Might add a few links to what I'll call the 'flight' scales on the sides because they lay kinda funny #But I'm super happy with it!!!!#Definitely worth the like 2 hours of just planning the pattern and figuring out how to hold the pliers #I altered a hat one time for a pirate cosplay but that was just some glue and patience #This is a whole other ordeal lol #Not the most polished project but I'm positive the second one will be much better #Then when I get the rest of my materials. hopefully soon. I can begin on my skirt #Sadly I couldn't find the Grey scales that're in the necklace anywhere #Apparently they were painted pewter and have been discontinued :/#But still! I'm also planning on building a skirt that'll have all 4 colors in it so hopefully that makes up for the lack of Grey in these #And my other scalemail type stuff #I got some custom earrings and a cloak clasp that I'll add to my outfit as well #It's gonna be so cool all together!!!#I just hope everything arrives on time 😭#I still have to get my dress to my sister or be altered and learn the pattern for the skirt oof #Shouldn't be too hard once I get my stuff but I couldn't even begin cause I was missing the most important ring size #Of course it'd be to where I couldn't preassemble all that much ahead of time when my whole plan hinged on that #It's a unit based pattern so it seemed perfect for me in case I ran out of time assembling enough I could string them together #But I can't even start the first piece!!!#Also the larger rings probably would've been better to start learning on #These tiny ones were a pain in the ass lol

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breakingjen · 2 years ago

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#so my sister her fiancé and my almost 2yo niece drove up today for the weekend #they’re staying with mom and my other sister with my 3.5yo niece came over from the neighboring city #so got to meet both of my nieces today and god how i’ve missed them #and like i told my therapist this morning - those two babies are currently the only reason i’m still alive #to which she replied you can tell how much they mean to me bc i light up when i talk about them in a way nothing else does #meeting them all again tomorrow bc my sister w/ the almost 2yo and i are going to visit the sister w/ the 3.5yo #bc our dad is coming up to their city and i haven’t seen him in two-ish years(?) or so #(neither of us can afford the travel cost + we speak on the phone sort of regularly)#it’s truly a family oriented weekend #i know i’ll be exhausted/completely drained once it’s over (no time to recover the way i need to) but it’s mostly worth it bc i love them

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jack-owo-valentine · 12 days ago

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#to see him so joyful makes me miserable #but like- thats what i deserve you know? misery- im not a good person and never will be #normally i write these posts w/ little to no person in mind #this time i have one- it being Barrett ofc #i wish he'd understand i am not worth the trouble ive caused- nor the pain- not even the air i breathe is worth it for the trees #just- please realize the world is bettwr with you and blue- my sister is lovely- shes so kind- shes has hobbies- blue loves so much-#blues heart is filled with love #she cares you know- shes better than i in that way #love her- its all shes ever deserved #she'll never admit it but she hurts- her heart aches- shes misses him every day- you lessen the pain you know-#she never talks about him bc i hate him- bc he hurt me- but he loved her #they always love my family #i was not made to be loved- im made to be used- im a doll through and through- just- please love my sister #0

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thewh0rr0r · 2 months ago

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i think it's really important that everyone knows i grew up thinking it was normal to keep a mini hand saw under your couch cushions because my papa kept one there to saw open bottles we couldn't open with our hands

#i miss watching him randomly whip out a saw to open my bottle of red kola #i miss him watching sister act then immediately following it up with a western noone had ever heard of before cuz it was like 65 years old #he truly was a charcater and his lore is insane he was mentioned in a book once for seiving around a local band during the 80s in his van #he once walked out of hospital early after having a heart attack to see me do a dance show that truly wasnt worth it

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blastlight · 5 months ago

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the real reason i'm depressed is because my Hoard has been in a duffel bag for 3 years now and i haven't been able to unpack it

#i'm not doing so well with all of the moving #it's more complicated than it should be #i miss my little shiny objects :(#in a year i have to probably move back to canada and i dont know what im gonna do from there #because my dad is set on making aliyah and i'm not interested in going with him #not even for political reasons. i just dont see the appeal in moving to a (guaranteed much smaller) apartment on another continent #that's a bazillion times more stressful than it's worth #my sister doesn't seem so hyped about going either i need to ask whether theres another option for her #for now i'm just gonna #not unpack my room and not think about it #sighh

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common-pipistrelle · 8 months ago

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