#Definitely worth the like 2 hours of just planning the pattern and figuring out how to hold the pliers

[applejarjar]

The first sleeve I made for my costume! I'm going as a Druid who can shift into a dragon 🐲

First time making chainmail and actually building a costume myself!

And of course included in the photoset is the necklace that inspired my scalemail, it was a gift I got from my family

The lighting in my house makes everything look so blue but it's all pride themed! Can't wait to take some pics in the sun so the purple can really shine through!!

[hoodwinkd1]

the stars that shine - Ch 3

Ch 2 here.

Chapter 3: I was sixteen when suddenly

“Excuse me, esteemed guests,” the herald called out. “A toast, from Queen Mother Georgina.”

The room silenced quickly, people putting down their dessert forks and picking up their flutes.

Hollin watched his mother rise, fixing her skirts and simpering at the crowd. “My dearest friends, thank you all so much for joining us for such a wonderful evening to celebrate Adarlan’s future.”

They couldn’t all be her dearest friends, could they? Considering Hollin didn’t recognize over half the faces, he highly doubted it.

“The fall harvest has produced more bounty than anyone predicted, so tonight is to celebrate the hard work of our farmers and all those who financially support them.” She paused for a moment, allowing light applause to flutter through the room.

He caught Dorian’s eye. Although the King looked engaged and supportive externally, Hollin could read the boredom oozing from him. They shared a look, both thinking that this dinner couldn’t celebrate farmers if none had been invited.

“And of course,” Georgina continued. “Tonight is celebrating my son as well. Happy birthday, Hollin. May this year provide even more success for you and the kingdom.”

She raised her glass against his, then sat down.

“Thank you,” he muttered, taking a large sip of champagne. “The dinner is...lovely.”

His mother preened. “Oh, of course my dear. Anything for your sixteenth.” She sighed and drank half her glass. “I cannot believe how grown up the two of you are. I remember, oh it feels like yesterday, when you first rode a horse--”

Her closest courtiers leaned in to hear the story, right as Hollin tuned her voice out. Only one glass, and he could sneak off while pretending to “work the room.”

Luckily, Dorian jumped in as soon as the story ended with him falling on a stable boy. “Hollin, would you join me? I spotted some people I should greet.”

His brother had been more supportive than usual in the past two year. After Hollin had begun his training, with a mortifying first lesson, Dorian had quietly stepped in to help. Although the two of them lacked the easy conversation between many siblings, they had come to some sort of arrangement. Hollin could find Dorian whenever he felt overwhelmed, without fearing judgment or scorn.

“Do you think she’s ever met a farmer?” Hollin wondered, as they navigated past tables. “Actually spoken to one before?”

Dorian chuckled. “I always forget how sheltered she’s been as Queen. Even during the damn war, Mother was too far away to interact with any soldiers or common people.”

“So was I.” The words flew out of Hollin’s mouth before he could think.

Dorian stopped walking. “What? You were a child.” He turned his head sharply. “Hollin, you can’t possibly feel guilty for-”

“Your Highnesses!” A family approached them. Hollin recognized the parents as Ladies Bernice and Nerissa Finnick, who oversaw much of the sea commerce in Rifthold, leading three of their children towards the princes.

Nerissa reached out a deep bronze hand. “Excuse the interruption. If you have a moment, Your Majesty, I would like to request a meeting for next week.”

Dorian took her hand and smiled warmly. “Of course. Hollin, have you met the Finnicks yet?”

Maybe his brother didn’t have his back all the time.

“Yes, Anya and I have had some classes together.” He nodded at the middle daughter.

Anya stepped forward as the adults began some boring conversation. “These are my brothers, Galen and Sebastian.”

“Nice to meet you,” Hollin responded, shaking both of their hands. He hated the formality these parties required, since most of his peers treated him quite casually in other settings. “Are you enjoying the evening?”

Galen smiled. “The food was excellent, so I can’t complain.” Hollin had to glance up to look at him, the whole family annoying tall, tan, and beautiful.

“Have you heard any news from Terrasen?” Anya asked. “From Evangeline?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer her question, whether she simply meant to further the conversation or if she wanted a certain piece of information. “Nothing...particular, but the royal family seems to be doing well.”

“Ah, well. I’ve written to her a few times, but she hadn’t mentioned any plans to return. We all miss her so much,” Anya sighed.

Oh. Apparently everyone on this damn planet loved Evangeline and expected them to be best friends.

“I’m sure she knows she’s welcome here anytime.” Hollin took a step back. “If you’ll excuse me, I have a few more guests to greet.”

He was lying, of course. Hollin snuck into the kitchens as soon as he maneuvered past prying eyes, content to finish the evening with another round of dessert and absolutely no more niceties.

---

Thick snow layered Orynth, as it always did in late winter, but the dining room inside the palace was downright toasty. Evangeline’s gaze kept catching on the massive window across from her, the white powder falling down in countless patterns and twists.

“Excuse me, Queen speaking!” Aelin called out, tapping a knife against her champagne flute to command everyone’s attention. “I’d like to make a toast.”

Evangeline started at the interruption, turning away from the snowfall, as Lysandra rolled her eyes from the seat next to her. “Just keep it brief, Galanthynius. Today isn’t about you.”

Aelin pouted for a moment, garnering laughs from the table, then shrugged her shoulders. “Fair point.” The two women shared a grin before she turned to face the larger group.

“Today is about two of my favorite people,” she began. “Lysandra and Evangeline, I am incredibly happy that we all came together to celebrate such happy news.”

Aedion leaned across the table and caught Rowan’s eye. “‘Two of my favorite people’ and we aren’t even included? Pure misandry,” he muttered. The silver-haired Fae chuckled lightly.

“Exactly,” Aelin shot back. “Now hush, male. Eva, even with the most chaotic group of parental figures, has managed to grow into one of the kindest, wisest, and most genuine young women I have ever met. I hope this year brings you joy and fancy jewelry, both of which you deserve plenty of. Happy sixteenth birthday, my darling.”

Evangeline blew her aunt a kiss. She couldn’t put into words what this entire evening meant to her, how unbelievable it was that the Queen and King of Terrasen hosted her birthday dinner. She glanced down the table, smiling at all of the family and friends that looked at her with such love in their eyes.

“Lys,” Aelin continued. “My best friend. You took care of me, and so many other people in this room, when we needed it most, giving you more than enough practice for this next chapter in your life. I think I might actually be more excited than Aedion for this baby.”

Aedion leaned back in his chair. “Not possibly, cousin.”

“Didn’t I already hush you?” Aelin scrunched her nose. Evangeline held back a giggle at their dynamic. “Anyway, I can’t wait to force Adara to befriend your child, just so we all have another excuse to spend time together. Cheers to these two beautiful women.”

“Cheers!” The whole table cried out, glasses clinking and liquid sloshing.

Lysandra tapped her glass of sparkling juice against Evangeline’s. “I’m a bit sad that you get to drink alcohol while I can't. I always imagined sneaking you liquor on a ladies’ night.”

Aedion put down his juice as well. The couple had agreed that if Lys couldn’t drink, neither of them could. “I always wanted to take her to one of the taverns in Rifthold. Watch little Eva drink her first ale while taking men for all their worth in cards.”

“I’m not that good,” Evangeline laughed. “And anyway, this is a very classy way to have my first, proper glass of alcohol.”

“Proper?” Rowan interjected, bouncing the crown princess on his leg. “Does that mean you’ve had an improper drink before?”

Aelin gasped. “My devious little angel”

“No!” Evangeline scrunched her nose. “I just meant, first drink beyond accidental sips and tasting it from your glasses. You’re all horrible.”

Aedion shrugged. “My first drink was when I was fourteen. Stepped off the battlefield and took a very large sip of something disgusting.”

Lysandra patted his knee affectionately. “That’s a terrible story. We probably all had bad experiences during our first time.”

“First time? Lys, you make it sound like something dirty,” Aelin teased. “My first time was quite romantic-”

“Really? Bringing him up at a nice dinner?” Rowan drawled. “In front of our child?”

Evangeline finally stopped trying to hold back her laughter and huge smile. She would miss this family, miss the ease and joy that came with every conversation during her next round of travels.

----

Evangeline all but threw herself onto the lavish bed, too exhausted to even consider taking a bath, though she most definitely needed one. Banjali might be the loveliest city she had ever seen, if not remarkably warm in the early springtime.

She had a week left in Eyllwe, with most of that time spent travelling. Aelin had pulled her aside before her visit, and asked her if she would be prepared for a visit to Calaculla to demonstrate Terrasen’s grief for the horrors committed there. Evangeline, of course, agreed to the detour.

As if to make up for the depressing finish to her stay, the Ytgers’ had ensured her time in the capital city was as happy as possible. The younger crown prince in particular put in the most time and effort to show her around the city. Evangeline didn’t mind, not when Deji was nice enough to look at.

She sat up at the sound of a sharp knock. “Time for dinner,” Fenrys announced from the other side.

“I haven’t had any time to change!” Evangeline protested, scrambling towards the vanity, eyes widening in shock at the state of her hair. “I thought we had an hour!”

She didn’t love that this trip was chaperoned, but Lysandra and Aedion had insisted. The ship would travel past Skulls Bay, a place where Aelin had apparently made more enemies than friends.

“We would have had an hour, if you didn’t stop for cake on the walk back.” Fenrys opened the door carefully. “Can I come into the sitting room?”

“Ugh!” Evangeline huffed, pulling her hair out of its braids. She walked over to the entrance of her bedchamber and slammed the door between them shut. “I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

She could hear him pacing around. “If we get any snide remarks for being late, I’m tattling on you to Aedion.”

Evangeline stuck her tongue out, although he couldn’t see her. She didn’t have time for a proper reply.

Seventeen minutes later, the two of them walked down to one of the smaller dining rooms. The Queen stood at the entrance, looking impeccable as always. Evangeline looked...passable, clothed in a fresh, crimson dress and golden hair somewhat brushed.

“Hello, Your Majesty,” she greeted. “I hope we aren’t late.”

The Queen waved her off. “Tonight is a rather small affair, do not fret. Lord Fenrys, I hope you don’t mind that we planned on separating the children from the adults tonight? The boys have a couple friends with them and they do hate it when we eavesdrop.”

Fenrys puffed his chest a bit at the use of his title. “Perfectly fine by me. Assuming you can handle yourself, Lady Evangeline?”

“Of course,” she responded, her polite tone at odds with the elbow she shoved into his side when the Queen turned to lead them in.

Kharis, the elder prince, walked up to them. “Good evening. May I escort you in?” He offered up his arm, which Evangeline took with one last wave to the adults.

He steered her towards another door that he opened to reveal a room with a much smaller table. She was met with four pairs of eyes, only one of which she recognized.

“This is Lady Evangeline, from Terrasen,” Kharis announced.

“Oh please, just Eva,” she insisted. “Pleased to meet you.”

One of the girls stepped forward. “I’m Athaliah, and these are my siblings, Jethro and Phebe.”

They all took their seats then, and luckily, conversation flowed easily. The three of them were not nobility, but their grandmother had served with the Queen’s father. Evangeline didn’t quite understand how he had managed to get his daughter on the throne after an alleged rebellion against the former King, but she didn’t think it polite to ask.

Phebe and Deji seemed to have some special connection, joking on a level that suggested intimacy. Evangeline forced herself to feel any sort of disappointment at their banter. Even if she thought he had flirted with her, nothing actually happened.

“Would you like a drink?” The boy of her thoughts interrupted the conversation Evangeline was currently having with Athaliah. “We nicked some spiced wine.”

“That sounds lovely,” she replied. Deji handed her a glass, seating himself next to her on the couch.

“Where will you go next?” Athaliah asked, continuing on. “Back to Terrasen?”

Evangeline nodded. “My ward, Lord Darrow, is expecting me back in a few weeks. We have some additional time, but quite honestly, I’m excited to sleep in a familiar bed again.”

“Our accommodations aren’t good enough for you?” Deji teased.

Evangeline scrunched her nose at him. “Of course not! But I am unaccustomed to this heat so early in the year.”

Jethro called for his sister, the others beginning to play a card game of sorts. She left them alone on the couches, Evangeline scrambling for something to keep the conversation going.

“Can I show you something?” he asked.

Perfect. “How far is this ‘something’?” Evangeline brought the glass to her lips, enjoying the slow buzz of the wine.

Deji stood, holding out his free hand. “Not far. I wouldn’t dare make you walk for too long in this heat.”

She followed him out of the room, down the hall, and towards a large balcony that she hadn’t noticed before. He held open the opaque doors, gesturing for her to step out first.

Evangeline let out a small gasp at the view. From this angle, the ocean seemed endless, and the moon looked close enough to touch. Large, swaying trees framed the water’s edge. The entire scene glittered with starlight, more real than a painting, yet more beautiful than real life.

“This is...unbelievable.”

Deji leaned against the stone railing. “It’s my favorite view, especially at night. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t see and hear the ocean most days.”

Evangeline joined him on the railing. “You might have ruined me as well. I’ll miss this dearly back home.”

They glanced over each other at the same time, bringing a heated blush to her face. His skin was too dark to show it, but she prayed she wasn’t alone in this feeling.

“Can I kiss you?” she blurted out, then immediately covered her mouth with her free hand. Oh gods, she might as well fling herself from the balcony now. Evangeline wanted to blame the wine, but truthfully, one drink hadn’t clouded her judgement at all. “I’m so sorry, that was--”

Deji cut her off, grabbing her hand gently and holding it in his own. “I was afraid you were going to make me ask you.”

He leaned in then, pressing his lips against hers. Evangeline’s eyes fluttered shut, experimentally deepening the kiss and moving her mouth against his.

It was sweet, if not a bit clumsy and filled with nervous giggling. Everything a first kiss should be.

----

Dorian found him in the training ring, one morning. Hollin wanted to get reacquainted with walking up earlier, now that spring had arrived and the afternoons would soon be too warm for exercise.

"Do you need something?" he huffed, talking a second to chug some water. The endurance circuit was quite honestly kicking his ass.

His brother shrugged. "I feel bad that I didn't warn you last time, so I'm telling you in advance now. Evangeline and Fenrys Moonbeam will be staying in the palace for a few days on their way back from Eyllwe, arriving in one week."

Hollin spun on his heel, pretending to grab a towel to keep his face hidden. "It's a bit last minute for royal guests, isn't it?"

Dorian sighed. "They're dear friends, not courtiers. Perhaps we could do a more casual dinner, allow you the chance to get to know both of them better. I'm sure Fenrys would offer to train you a bit as well."

"Is that the purpose behind their visit? Give me training with a feared Fae warrior?" Hollin didn't cover the sarcasm in his tone.

"No, I believe Eva wanted to see her friends here, something she doesn't regularly get a chance to do. Are you done with the questions?"

"Yes. Fine. Whatever." He pushed himself up, abandoning the towel. A bath would do nicely for his aching muscles. "Add the required events to my schedule."

Dorian mumbled something under his breath, but thankfully turned to leave. Right before he re-entered the main hallway, he called out: "It wouldn't hurt you to have friends!"

"I have two!" Hollin called back. "Who needs more than that?"

[uncloseted]

Hey! I’m the anon (and also Gay!Bama anon) who sent the asks about BPD and being rejected by that closeted guy. I guess the reason I think I have BPD is because I’m in my 20’s now, and I just have issues with perceived rejection for whatever reason. Anytime someone rejects me or something, I get really depressed and question myself a lot, or I question my worth, and it’s over things that should not be a big deal, but to me they feel like the end of the world. It’s like I have no emotional skin, if that makes sense, so everything hurts more than it would someone who is normal. It’s just so hard sometimes. I get so emotional or upset over things that there’s no need in being that upset over. I just wish I could change it, but I can’t. I feel like I’ve destroyed a lot of potential relationships and also friendships by overreacting and it makes me feel so crazy. (1/2)

(2/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I think it might be because my Dad and me always had a difficult relationship, and now that he’s gone things are really more difficult than before. I started going back to therapy and I’m about to go back to school to finish up my degree, but I just wish I could manage these feelings better. The only way I have been able to deal with them is by either numbing them with alcohol, drugs, or fulfilling them with anonymous encounters, or just cutting myself off from other people, so that way I have nothing to react to. It just really sucks because I’m so lonely all the time, but I don’t know what else to do about it other than that. I used to self harm to help me cope with my feelings, because then I could hurt myself and not hurt the people in my life by lashing out over trivial things, like irrelevant rejection or changing plans. It feels like every small thing is a seed, from which sprouts a tree of paranoia and depression.

(3/3) (Gay!Bama anon) I also have had such a hard time trying to figure out my plans for a career and goals because I’m always switching them up, because one personality trait might take the forefront, but then that could change and that influences how I feel about something or what I want to do. I just wish I could turn all of these feelings off for a while, or something, and just be like calm or something.

Hi Gay!Bama anon!  Always happy to see you in my inbox, although I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. The fact that I know it’s you and I know you’re in your 20s changes my answer slightly.  

There are a number of symptoms that need to be present to be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder; rejection sensitivity is definitely one of them, but not the only one.  The DSM-5 requires five or more of the following symptoms for a BPD diagnosis:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. Generally, these are out of proportion to the event that triggered them)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment (e.g., calling a friend/partner/family member several times a day during working hours and getting upset when they don’t answer)

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self (e.g., frequently and suddenly changing goals, beliefs, vocational aspirations, and sexual identity, or assuming the identity of people they’re close to)

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, gambling, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, committing crimes)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting"- basically, thinking a person is the best person ever, the love of your life, your best friend, someone with no faults, and then switching to thinking the person is the worst person ever, who has never cared about you, who has no redeeming qualities.  This typically results in alternating between over-involvement with the person and withdrawal from the person)

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms (typically only lasting hours or days, and triggered by an external stressor.  Dissociative symptoms may include feeling like your body is unreal or altered in a strange way, feeling that the outside world is unreal, and illusions).

People with BPD will also typically have a compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of other people, and have intense, unstable, and conflicted relationships that are marked by mistrust and neediness.  It’s also important that these symptoms have persisted over time and across different situations.

If that doesn’t resonate with you, there are a number of other different conditions that result in being particularly sensitive to rejection, including social anxiety, depression, generalized anxiety, ADD/ADHD, eating disorders, and childhood trauma are just a few things that could cause a fear of rejection.  I would talk to your therapist about this symptom and ask for help coming up with some coping mechanisms.

If all of that does sound like you, I would talk to your therapist about a possible BPD diagnosis and potentially a referral to a therapist who specializes in dialectical behavioral therapy.  DBT is the most studied and effective treatment for BPD, so it’s a good place to start if that is what you’re struggling with.  In the meantime, you can learn the principles of DBT on your own and try to begin applying them to your life.

DBT combines mindfulness with techniques for distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.  Having a therapist and attend group therapy sessions are an important part of a full course DBT.  However, there are several exercises you can try at home:

Keeping a Diary

One of the easiest things you can do at home is to start tracking your behaviors.  Note any self-injurious or life threatening behaviors, behaviors which indirectly cause harm to yourself or others, and quality of life issues.  Write down any triggers you’ve noticed.

Mindfulness

There are a few different types of mindfulness exercises you can try.  Since you mentioned that you want to be able to turn your feelings off, trying meditation might be a good place to start.  There are some good apps, like Headspace and Calm, that can help you learn how to meditate and encourage you to practice meditation, and there are also a ton of videos on YouTube that do the same.

DBT encourages the concept of “radical acceptance”- the idea that one should face situations, both positive and negative, without any judgement.  Try to let go of fighting reality and accept a situation for what it is.  When you’ve accepted a situation, then you can figure out how to change it.

You can also try using “what” skills when practicing mindfulness; these are observe, describe, and participate.  They’re “what” you do when you’re practicing mindfulness. Nonjudgementally paying attention to the present moment is an important component of DBT, so the first thing you can do is observe.  Try to nonjudgementally observe your environment within and outside of yourself.  Notice the feelings you’re experiencing, and then try to let slide off of your mind.  Next, describe: express what you observed, either to someone around you or to yourself.  Try to use your five senses to put words to what you’re observing.  What can you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel?  Finally, participate: try your best to be fully focused on and involved in any activity that you’re doing.  When your mind wanders, gently pull it back to the task you’re currently doing.

Distress Tolerance

One of the goals of DBT is to help people develop the ability to calmly recognize negative situations and decide if and how to address them.  It’s important to learn how to be distressed without becoming overwhelmed or hiding from that feeling.

TIPP is one of the fastest and most popular distress tolerance skills, since it alleviates distress quickly.  Tip the temperature of your face by splashing it with very cold water, intensely exercise for 20 minutes, do paced breathing- breathe in for four seconds and our for six to eight seconds, and then do progressive muscle relaxation- starting from the top of your body, tense and relax each muscle group until you get to your toes.

You can also distract yourself from unpleasant emotions using ACCEPTS.  Engage in activities that you enjoy, contribute by helping others, compare yourself to people who are less fortunate or how you used to be when you were in a worse state, evoke a different emotion by putting on a happy song or watching a comedy special, push away your situation in your mind, and put something else first by thinking about something else, and finally, create sensations that are intense, such as holding an ice cube or eating spicy food.

Another thing you can try when you’re in distress is to IMPROVE the moment.  Imagine relaxing scenes, things going well, or other pleasing scenarios, find meaning in what you’re feeling, pray, if you’re religious, relax your muscles using the progressive muscle relaxation we talked about above, do one thing at a time, and focus all your attention on it, vacation if you can (by taking a break from the situation), and encourage yourself.  Tell yourself it’s possible to make it through your current situation and cope with it.  You can be your own best cheerleader.

Emotional Regulation

Since people who have BPD frequently have intense emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to regulate those emotions.

First, try identifying and labeling your emotions.  Tune in with yourself and ask yourself what you’re feeling.  Is it anger? Fear? Sadness?  Then, you can try to change unwanted emotions using opposite-reactions.  With opposite-reactions, you do the opposite of the urge you’re feeling in the moment.  For example, if you want to isolate yourself, instead, reach out to a friend.  

Fact-checking is also an important technique- ask yourself, “do the facts warrant the intensity of the response I’m feeling?”  Then ask yourself, “what is the event prompting my emotion,” “what are my interpretations and assumptions about the event, and are those true?”, “am I assuming a threat? How likely is it to actually occur?”, “what’s the disaster? How can I cope well with it?”, and “does my emotion or intensity fit the facts?”  There’s a sample fact-checking worksheet that you can find here: http://edencounseling.com/resources/dbt-emotional-regulation-group-4-handouts.pdf

If your facts are correct and the situation is the problem, then you can problem solve.  First, identify your goal in solving the problem- what needs to happen for you to be okay, and what’s reasonable?  Then, brainstorm as many solutions as you can come up with, without being critical of your ideas. Choose a solution that fits your goal and is likely to work, using a pro/con list to decide if necessary. Act on your decision, and then evaluate if it worked.  If it didn’t work, go back to the “choose” stage and pick a different solution to try.

Interpersonal Effectiveness

Interpersonal relationships can be difficult for people with DBT, so it’s important to learn how to ask for what you need, how to say no, and how to cope with interpersonal conflicts.  There are three techniques in this module: DEAR MAN, GIVE, and FAST.

The DEAR MAN technique focuses on conveying your needs to someone else. Start by describing your situation using specific, fact-based statements about a recent situation.  Then express the emotions experienced when the situation occurred, why the situation was a problem, and how you feel about it. Assert yourself by clearly and specifically requesting the behavior change you would like. Reinforce your position by explaining to the person what the positive impacts of changing their behavior might be for them. Mindfully focus on the situation, without seeking validation, and redirect the conversation back to your main point when it seems to be diverting. Appear confident and assertive, even if you’re not feeling confident or assertive. Finally, negotiate with the person to come to a compromise that both parties are happy with.

The GIVE tool focuses on relationship maintenance, whether that’s with friends, family, co-workers, or romantic partners.  It is used in conversations. Use gentle language, free of put-downs, sarcasm, or judgement, even as a joke. Be as interested as you can in what the other person is saying.  Give them your undivided attention by making eye contact and asking questions.  Really listen to them, don’t just wait your turn to talk. Validate their situation, either through words, body language, or facial expressions.  Often, people just want to be heard and for someone to understand what they’re going through. Finally, try to adopt an easy manner: do your best to appear calm and comfortable during the conversation.  Use friendly humor and smile.

The FAST skill focuses on maintaining your self-respect.  Be fair to yourself and to the person you’re talking to. Don’t apologize more than once, and only apologize for things that are your fault.  Stick to your values- determine what you believe and stand by it, without letting other people sway your decisions. Lastly, be truthful. Lying can only damage relationships and reduce the respect you have for yourself.

I know that’s a ton of stuff I’ve just thrown at you, so if you’re still with me, thank you!  You don’t have to adopt all of these skills at once or even at all.  Getting good at just one or two of them will improve your life.  A therapist will be able to help you practice these different skills so that when you need them, they’re already in your mind.  Good luck!  I hope you get the support you need and that things start looking up for you soon.

[polymetis-23]

Diary Entry Sept. 26th, 2021

Day 1 - The hunt begins

I spent most of today working on updates to my hero gear based off the trial runs these past few weeks. First I removed the giant skirt from my costume and replaced it with a utility belt. Sure those might not have been the most iconic thing about steampunk but they tinkered a lot so I'm sure they were around plenty. I hope to make more gadgets as time goes on so this will be a good place to store them. For now it is a simple belt with pockets as found at hardware stores. I know, it's ugly and doesn't really fit and I wish I had time to be proper about it, but with The Eye out there it seems somethings will sadly have to be function over form. 

In addition to adding the tool belt, I have been working on the wrist crossbows (told you I wouldn't forget about them). I've moved them down from the back of my hand to around my wrist and made the bow limbs out of a semi-bendable metal. They work like springs and shoot the dart out fairly fast … or at least that is the current theory, I've really only added the wrist strap, had to finish some homework.

As the sun started to set, it was finally time for me to find The Eye (seriously does anyone have a better name for this person?) I could've sworn I was in a movie. The sky was overcast but no rain and everything seemed eerily quiet. Without a better idea I started from where I last saw them, the eye was still on the wall and it didn't look like anyone had been home in a while, I hope she didn't kill him. Anyway, I wasn't about to break into someone's house because that is illegal so I sat on the roof and surveyed for any mysterious red lights. It may not have been the most efficient way to find them, but hey that red glow is the only thing I have to identify them at the moment, and well the eye. I saw a few flashes over the course of the night, and a few more eyes around the city. Some the crime was obvious, another breakin or general vandalism, but others a dark red eye was just on a wall, nothing around to denote why.

Day 2 - Uh yeah, exams are a thing

    How, might I ask, are we in the third week of classes and I already have a quiz. Like seriously what are we supposed to have learned at this point? Even if they had taught us something, this is the absolute worst time, now I have to spend all day studying and I can't go out tonight. I was getting so close last night to actually catching up to The Eye. Sure I hadn't actually seen them, but I was getting quicker at navigating the city so the time between red flashes and my arrival at a scene was getting less and less, it was only a matter of time until I caught them.

Day 3 - Crossbow work

    The forecast for today is rain, lots of rain all day and I don't really fancy going out and getting soaked or slipping and falling on my butt while hunting for Eye, so I guess today is a design day. It actually works out really well because now I will have the wrist bow ready for when I finally do encounter her. Next thing I need to work on is tranquilizer darts, I don't want to permanently hurt those I bring in, after all I'm not the judge, jury and executioner, I just bring people in to meet justice. 

    After today's tests the bow seems to be great … or at least manageable. I still need to improve the aiming, for some reason the bolts won't group together. And I need to make an automatic reloader attachment, I have plenty of darts held on the cuff, but it would be nice for the system to be semi automatic incase I miss a shot or more probably I am fighting more than one opponent and need to incapacitate them both in quick succession.

Day 4 - The Evil Eye

    Finally a semi-free day. I was able to make a few small adjustments to my weaponry between classes then waited until dark to roam the streets. The clouds from yesterday blew by leaving not a trace and letting the nearly full moon illuminate the streets, although that could also be from light pollution … I guess it is good that I can see and not trip, but I would've liked to be able to see the stars.

    The night started relatively calmly, I was finally getting used to the red haze that settled over the world when I used my goggles. If I ever learn how to actually code, I'll have to write a program to filter out the ambient light, but for now I would just have to let my eyes adjust. I got lucky in my positioning tonight, I hadn't seen any pattern in how The Eye chose their targets so I had decided to sit on a random tall roof top and was rewarded with a beam of red two blocks over. Although I had previously only seen an aura of red indicating The Eye's (this is gonna stick now isn't it?) presence, it wasn't hard to imagine that they had the ability to focus it. 

    I ran across the rooftops, which were thankfully connected, I'll have to figure something out for when they aren't. I guess I could run at street level but that is more crowded and less direct, plus heroes are known for leaping across roofs right? Regardless I soon arrived at where the beam had been and looked for the source. Below me on the street there was a fight going on and sure enough one of the combatants' hands were surrounded by an aura of red. Upon closer observation I was shocked to find out this wasn't a fight, it was a beating. The man The Eye was 'fighting' was just laying on the ground not even trying to defend themselves. It was clear to anyone watching that the fight was over and didn't need to be continued so why was The Eye still there? I called 911  and reported the situation so her victim could get some help. I doubted they would be moving by themselves any time soon. 

    After placing the call I turned my attention back to the street to apprehend The Eye myself, but they were already gone, an eye left on the ground above the injured man's head. I could already hear the sirens of the ambulance and knew he would be okay. I waited until the paramedics started treating him, then left. I spent the rest of the night searching for another sighting of The Eye to bring them in, but they seemed to have gone silent for the moment. I suppose I will have to try again tomorrow now that I had seen they were not only bad, they were straight up evil. Attacking someone for no reason at all.

Day 5 - The Conversation

    So classes were normal today and nothing special happened except well, I finally got to talk with the eye. I went out a little earlier than I usually did planning on scoping out some of the roofs on campus. Although I was currently preoccupied taking down The Eye who seemed to operate across the river, I knew I would be coming back to stop crime on campus eventually. There is a really nice iconic roof space above the main lobby of campus where I was planning to start. Up there you can see all around campus, sure it wasn't the tallest building, but it did have a great view.

    Anyway, I was up there planning to see what was what and keeping an eye out for any red flashes in the city when from behind I heard:

    "I thought they blocked off all entrances to the roof" they had, I have just been practicing picking locks. Yes I know that skill is rarely used for anything good, but sometimes it can come in handy, like tonight with the door

    I turned around expecting to see some other student, while it wasn't a common hang out spot, people definitely still came up here. Instead I was confronted with The Eye herself, what was she doing on this side of the river and at my school no less. Of course I immediately confronted her about her illegal activities and she scoffed at me. I mean she literally scoffed and called me naive, how am I naive when I saw her commit those crimes? Like seriously? It quickly became apparent that she wasn't remorseful at all and needed to be brought in. We had a brief altercation which I definitely nearly won if she hadn't taken a cheap shot and knocked me on my butt I would've had her. As it was I landed with a loud smack and was slightly dazed. The only sound I heard was "stay down, this isn't the world for you" When I got my bearings again, she was gone and I was alone on the roof. 

    I layed back down and stared at the sky. This is going to take more work than I thought, but I'm sure it can't be that much more.

Day 6 - A day to relax

    Not much happened today, I ended up sleeping through my alarm which I guess is a natural consequence of staying up into the early hours of the night every day for a week. I did my laundry, bought a few groceries and sloughed through some homework and … that was about it.

Day 7 - Coding is still the worst

    So I have a problem set due for my coding class and I swear this class should be worth twice the amount of credit listed on the syllabus based on how long it takes me to write a 'simple' program. I guess I am learning some things because I can follow the code examples given in class, but I definitely can't recreate them. I'm gonna need to find another way to code my goggles or get someone to do it for me. Superheroes have a man in the chair right?

    I eventually got the problem set turned in and started to draft ideas for the semi-automatic wristbow, still very rudimentary though.

[jimmymcgools]

Jimmy landing in ABQ to the shared smoke at the beginning of ACB chapter 14 for the ask meme. I just want the entirety of 14 annotated...

❤️❤️❤️🛬🛬🛬🚬🚬🚬 my pleasure!! 

fic commentary meme and my answers

i think i mentioned it somewhere once, but for a few days i was planning to open this chapter with the parking garage scene. i was worried i had too many chapters in a row of jimmy arriving places, or otherwise slow starts, and i thought -- hell let’s just hit the ground running. 

but anyway i was wrong, and it definitely needed this softer opening. 

actually, maybe this is kinda the perfect time (and the perfect chapter, since it’s a favourite) to share some more of my planning process for acb? here goes, time for a deep dive. 

i usually have very loose ideas for future scenes up at the bottom of the doc i’m writing in, so that i can scroll down and check. here’s what i had at the bottom of chapter 7: 

the “holiday party sex?” question hangs out there complete with “hm” for ages. by chapter 9 i’ve started to add more pieces that’ll end up in chapter 14, in among other stuff that i used for different chapters: 

WILD>

here’s how the “hm” is shaping up by chapter 11:

then by chapter 12 i’m starting to group it into chapters:

and then by the time i start writing chapter 14 i move all these little notes up to the top of my document and hope for the best:

(i was very worried about forgetting the fireworks)

ok! on to the actual scene 😂

Below, the desert is mottled by the shadows of clouds, bruised in dark blue.

i was really happy when some footage of landing in abq reminded me of cloud shadows, and then i realised i’d been listening to “cloud shadow on the mountain” by wolf parade on a loop for an hour and somehow hadn’t clicked. 

if he watched for long enough, he would start to see patterns in the cloud shadows, too: animals and countries and people he’s known. 

jimmy-looking-for-patterns is a returns a lot in this chapter specifically. 

... marking out developments and suburbs that will soon rise in the same invisible style as the rest of the city. New houses waiting to be filled with new people. 

a real contrast from cicero, with its foreclosed houses and bulldozed factories and vacant lots. i wanted jimmy to feel warmer toward abq as he arrives this time than he did in chapter one. he’s thinking about how buildings fit in with the place, etc, and then at the end of this section the comparison of the airport to a harbor. 

Jimmy tries to find his apartment building all the same, tries to lay the colorful lines of the bus map onto the terrain beneath him.

he still has trouble fitting himself into it, though. 

—and his mother had hugged him on the stoop that morning, his cab idling in the street, and she had felt so small in his arms until she had let him go, and then, as Jimmy slid into the backseat of the taxi she had turned, closing the door— 

trying to set up this tug of jimmy’s thoughts pulling him back to cicero, like he hasn’t managed to shake off the visit yet. there’s a new kind of discomfort in him here, i hope, different from the discomfort felt by jimmy in chapter 1. going back home kinda kicks him out of the rut he’s been in since they got back from white sands. like he’s not sure if this whole dumb exercise in being a button-up wearing mailroom lackey is even worth it. 

“It’s not too late, you know,” he says. “We could go back to mine instead, maybe watch a movie, maybe…” He wiggles his eyebrows. 

we left kim and jimmy after that phone call having opened up a bit. jimmy stays in cicero through to the weekend (do i say this anywhere? i guess maybe i don’t!) so i always figured they had more calls after that first one (👀).

but i wanted to show them settling back into this more openly flirty relationship... 

“Looks good, by the way,” Kim says. Kim brushes his hand with hers as she finally takes the cigarette from him, and he tugs his gaze back up to her face. She grins at him. “I just hope nobody remembers I wore it last year, too,” she says. 

... and back to casual touching, too. also kim clocking jimmy checking her out and smiling. it’s the kind of flirty game that he definitely enjoyed earlier in the relationship. but just like he doesn’t know where he stands with living in abq, he still doesn’t know where he stands with kim, and that’s all brewing away. i wanted it less that he’s angry from the top of this chapter, and more that he has all the ingredients for the perfect angry stew. dancing around their “not in abq” thing, but now with added “i mean, i do WANT to sleep with you” on top? great

There’s a beat of silence. “Yeah, maybe I’ll pitch it to Howard,” Jimmy says bitterly.  

folding this little plot back in. i’ve always struggled with dialogue but i think writing this fic has really helped, and reading over this conversation for the first time in ages i’m kinda proud of how much exposition i’ve managed to get in here while keeping it pretty natural, and how many little non verbal cues there are that shift the conversation (that always feels very bcs to me). 

Kim reaches out and brushes a fleck of ash from his shirt breast silently,

because i couldn’t resist!!! kim dusting jimmy 24/7. 

“Sounds like they could get lost in the sky.” She holds up a hand and looks at it studiously for a moment, then returns her gaze to him. “You know, hard to see.” 

kim using the one piece of information she knows about the new HHM billboards to mock them, what a legend. kim-in-jimmy’s-corner from the top of the chapter, here, before they even head up to the party.  

“I’ve heard there’s a perfectly lockable supply cupboard somewhere in the mailroom.” Kim laughs. “Rumors and hearsay,” she says lightly.

(stolen dialogue from the show for kim, here) with this exchange i wanted to make sure you could tell these guys were comfortable with each other and comfortable acknowledging the phone sex fantasy in specific terms, even if kim dismisses the suggestion of turning it into anything more. 

Go schmooze with your future lawyer friends.

nailed it jimmy, not bitter at ALL

He grits his teeth at stares at the darkness, at the long shadows of the pillars, at the curved shadows of the lined-up cars, seeing patterns in the shapes of them. 

i always imagine he’s looking in the same direction that he watched her walk away in in chapter 2. 

and more jimmy looking for patterns. then later in the chapter i link it with the idea of kid jimmy watching the shadows of grown-ups and wanting to be in their world. so this jimmy-watching-shadows is him as an outsider trying to figure out how to fit in, but more specifically trying to figure out these places that feel above him (abq, hhm, adults to a child)

♥♥♥♥ ty for asking! 

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 Challenge 23 and 24 - Boot Camp and Enemies

Summary: So... Alistair and Bo Peep Shepard are grounded and surrounded by enemies on all sides. Lucky for them... they know how to handle the guy watching them. After all, he went down easy enough before. Who knew they had history?

Not them, clearly, but they could use that later if he pushed them to it.

---

Yep... he fucking hated this.

“Any chance we could break out and just go rogue? We stole the Normandy once, we could probably do it again.”

Bo sounded as stir crazy as he felt as they glanced at each other from across the small room. Both were still in formal uniform due to the fact neither had the energy to change after being questioned for a couple hours. Maybe in another hour of complaining, they could do something about it.

Alistair sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, still not used to being able to feel his amp without his hair in the way. “That would be a tall order, considering the Alliance took the Normandy to retrofit it. I have no idea where it is now, and it's not like we can search the extranet for it.”

His former XO was already twitching. “Is that because they didn't put it online, or because of the asshole listening into our conversation?”

Obviously, it was the former. James Vega was just an awkward footnote on the absurd comedy of errors that was his life.

Honestly, the Spectre didn't hate the man. It wasn't his fault he had been assigned to guard over both former Commander Shepards as they explained how they had been flying around with a bootleg Normandy built by Cerberus. He hadn't asked to be there, much like they hadn't either. Only difference was, he was following orders.

They were under house arrest.

He shrugged his shoulders at that. “Bit of both, honestly. They're monitoring the searches on my omni-tool.”

“You weren't supposed to know that, Shepard.”

Vega's deep voice carried over their complain festival. Of course he had heard all that – he was sitting in the same room, looking as though he would have rather been anywhere else. The accent made Alistair think Earth, but he wasn't sure where. After all, it was a big fucking planet he hadn't spent much time on.

Bo answered before he could. “You're telling that to a tech, genius. He probably figured it out because the search was a millisecond too slow.”

It was actually the loading pattern and the fact it was half a millisecond slower than he liked. Well, that and he'd found the programming once he'd gotten it back. What could he say, he was twitchy when he had nothing to do. That got even worse when he should have been out there on the Normandy preparing for the Reapers. Instead... he was sitting on his ass. So excuse him if he got a little twitchy and gave his omni-tool a once over when the large man wasn't looking.

Know your enemy, all that jazz.

“Biotics and tech. That's a nightmare combo.” Yeah, to a pure combat type maybe. “And you're a biotic too, but you punch things.”

Bo scoffed, rolling her red eyes. “I headbutt them, Vega. If you're supposed to keep me from breaking out, you should at least know what to prepare for when I finally snap and throw you through the fucking wall.”

Alistair watched Vega tense. He wasn't worried, though. Usually when she was actually threatening violence, the person was already halfway through a wall. This was more a promise of it than anything else. It was her way of warning him, like a rattlesnake's rattle only with a lot more profanity. Hopefully he could figure out the difference, or it was going to be a long containment.

“You two really don't care what you say now, huh.”

This time, he answered as he shrugged. “Went through Omega 4 and all I got was this lousy inquiry.”

“We could both take you, don't worry about that.” Bo grumbled as she stood up. “I'm going to get out of this damn uniform. You better not follow me.”

Then it was down to the two men. Alistair was more focused on his omni-tool than the other occupant. The Alliance had hampered most of the functions, but he still had a basic search ability. Unsurprisingly, there was little to find about the Reapers as he typed.

Even if there had been activity, the Council probably would've hushed it up. After all, they had never believed him anyway.

From what he could tell as he searched, Vega was still in the room. That was to be expected, given he was guarding them. Honestly, Alistair could see three ways he could take the guy out without a lot of effort, but it wasn't worth cleaning the blood off the wall. He was just doing his job. Besides, they would probably drive him insane in a few months anyway.

Poor sap; he had no idea what was waiting for him when he had two Spectres in a very small space with nothing to do with their time.

“So... you really fought a thresher maw, huh?”

He was talking now. Alistair glanced up from his omni-tool, pausing his search. It felt like a break the silence sort of thing. He hated doing that. It made his teeth itch as it activated the switch that made his GAD unbearable.

It was unstoppable force verses unmovable object: his desire to find out more about the reapers, and his inability to be a rude asshole to anyone.

“Two, actually. The second time was close up. Bo did a lot of the heavy lifting though.” He frowned. “Why ask? Didn't you get both our records when they assigned you to guard us?”

Vega looked vaguely uncomfortable. “It seemed kinda bullshit, honestly. Who's crazy enough to go up against a thresher maw on foot?”

“It was for my son's puberty ritual.” Bo appeared, dressed normally. She took her spot back up on the couch, shooting a glare at their guard as she walked by. “We won, by the way. Felt good to shoot one of them in the face.”

Talk about perfect therapy for Akuze. Face your terror over thresher maw by going up against one and shooting it in the face.

Their guard definitely looked impressed by that. “The biotics helped, right? I know they're strong. Learned that the hard way in boot camp. Wasn't looking where I was going and I nearly sat on this guy and he threw me into a wall with his mind. I think I surprised him or something, he kept apologizing after. Or at least that's what they told me, last thing I remember was his giant friend knocking me out.”

He chuckled at that. Meanwhile, Bo and Alistair exchanged the same look. Mentally, the former CO was doing the math, glancing back towards their guard every so often. When he eventually got the answer he needed, then it was time for words.

Lucky for him, he was good at that.

“Uh... when'd you enlist, Vega?”

Vega stopped laughing. “2176, why?”

Bo pointed at herself, then at Alistair. “Because we both enlisted in 2176.”

Alistair nodded. “And I had a nervous reaction when some giant dude almost sat on me in boot camp.”

If he remembered right, it was a lucky break he hadn't seriously hurt the man. They had chalked it up to his new amp settling down after being implanted. Honestly, he had always thought the guy was trying to pick a fight with him because he was so small...

Apparently, it was all one big mistake?

“Wait... that was...” Vega blinked. “Shit, I got my ass kicked by the first two human Spectres?”

Bo's chest puffed out a little at that. “No, you got slammed into a wall and knocked the fuck out by the first two human Spectres.”

“We weren't Spectres then, I don't think it counts.” Alistair's cheeks colored. “Uh... sorry? I guess my flight or fight response reacted with my new amp. You weren't hurt too badly, were you?”

He hadn't really ever gotten the chance to find out. Things had been kind of hectic then, and after boot camp he had never seen the man again. Part of him had just assumed that he had died or something. It was a thing Alliance Marines did during the Blitz and all the hell that had happened after.

People he knew kinda wound up dead – the odds weren't great on return.

“Just a concussion, but I think it was more from the Monster than you.”

The other Spectre in the room snorted. “Yeah, I have a ton of concussions to my name. Wouldn't be too surprising.”

Well, at least he hadn't put the guy in the infirmary. His XO had, but... hey she wasn't his XO then. So no harm, no foul.

Somehow, solving this small mystery that hadn't actually been a mystery and hadn't really needed solving made Alistair feel slightly better. Everything was still going to hell in a poorly made hand basket, but at least his body and injury count wasn't as high as he thought it was. Talk about finding relief in odd areas.

He needed it. There was quite a schedule of inquiries ahead of them.

“Well, don't try that now. You take me out and it's gonna be a bad time.” Vega's tone was a little lighter now for some reason. Maybe he was more comfortable now. That was a bad move – he hadn't seen 2 AM dark biotic breakfast yet. “I don't think anyone would believe a nervous slam into a wall a second time anyway.”

Nah – Alistair rarely used the same move twice. If he was going to try something, he was going to get creative.

“I've got more interesting moves now anyway. Picked up a few tricks from fighting the thresher maw.” He stood finally. “Bo, keep an eye on him while I go change.”

He could hear Vega calling after him that watching after them was his job, but it fell somewhat flat as the Spectre went off to change into more comfortable clothes. They weren't friends, after all. They had history, but that was it.

But he wasn't a bad guy, he supposed. He didn't seem to be blaming him for the accidental slam.

Alistair still wasn't too sure he liked the guy, though. That was for sure as he started to pull his uniform shirt over his head. And that meant he needed to start thinking up plans if things really went to hell. After all, if the Reapers touched down he wasn't going to ask permission to bust out and help people.

God help Vega if he tried to stop him. He wouldn't get up the next time. But, that was only a big “if” scenario. He'd like to end this with them all alive and only mildly hating each other.

[yoonminos]

pretty birthday boy  (dirty pretty things #1) [part 2 here]

↳ pairings: jungkook x female reader

↳ genres: smut and fluff (if you squint enough to find it) | words: 7k

↳ warnings: explicit sex; dom/sub undertones; switch!jungkook, switch!reader, dom!reader, sub!jungkook; established relationship; pegging; spanking; sex toys; anal sex; slapping; snowballing; jungkook wears lace panties but idk how to tag that so there's that.

↳ summary: It's Jungkook's birthday and you throw him a surprise party with the help of your friends. The thing that surprised you, though, was Jungkook buying himself a gift and asking you to use it on him.

It is Jungkook’s birthday and that’s how you find yourself running back and forth from the kitchen to the living room of his apartment to make sure everything is in order. All the booze and snacks already placed around with some decoration that you crafted with the help of his flatmate, and one of your closest friends, Jimin. You take a breath, things look good and ready. You smile at the thought of Jungkook’s reaction once he gets to the apartment and sees the surprise.

It doesn’t take long for the closest of your mutual friends to arrive along with some of Jungkook’s classmates that you don’t know that well but that Jimin managed to get in contact with. You and him have been the masterminds behind all this. Jimin on charge of tricking Jungkook into going to a bar after their practice today, supposed to pretend that he forgot something in their apartment and having to go back last minute before their plans.

When Jimin texts you that they are on their way to the apartment, you and all the guests huddle in the dark behind the furniture of Jungkook and Jimin’s living room. A giggly Seokjin is by your side and you have to bite your lips to not join him in it, slapping him lightly in the arm to shush him. A sudden feeling of excitement running fast through you and keeping you on edge until you hear the noise of the door opening, the click of the light switch. From then on, it’s chaos.

Everyone is jumping from their hiding places and yelling “surprise!” and singing happy birthday to him. All you can really focus on is Jungkook’s reaction. His wide eyes, quickly taking in everything in front of him and slowly gaining the prettiest of glimmers to them as he starts to cutely clap along to the song. When it's over and everyone is cheering loudly, the biggest smile is spread on his lips and his friends get to him one by one. He hugs them, tells them his thanks for the congratulations and it doesn’t really take long before his eyes are searching for yours, finding you in the middle of the room watching him.

He’s smiling at you, all bright and warm and you can feel your chest bubbling with the exchange. You bite your lips in an attempt of containing your own big stupid smile then nudge your head to the side in a way of telling him to finish greeting his friends first. He does, too polite not to. It’s only when Sunmi, one of your best friends that you met through him, drags you through the small crowd, yelling at some of the people huddling around him to “let her say hi to him!” that you finally get close to him.

You feel your cheeks warming a bit under all the attention, but you’re finally standing in front of Jungkook so it doesn’t really matter.

“Hi, birthday boy.” You manage to say lowly, eyes focused on his that keep on flicking with amusement and fondness.

Jungkook is poking his tongue on the inside of his cheek, eyes are narrowed at you as he shakes his head and clicks his tongue.

“You little menace.” He finally tells you, a low chiding as his hands come to wrap around your waist, pulling your body closer to his. Your own hands finding purchase in the front of his jacket.

“All that dodging today was because of this? I can’t believe you really let me think you had to study over hanging with me in my birthday. All those lies! That hurt, y/n.”

“Well, it’s like they say. A little pain truly goes a long way, doesn’t it?” You cheekily reply and, as soon as you do, he is groaning with a fake tone of disgust to it, throwing his head back a little.

“You’re so crude and, literally, no one has ever said that. I hate you.”

You laugh lowly, releasing one of your hands from his jacket and moving it upwards, fingers wrapping around his chin and tugging it back down to you.

“Nah, you love it.” As you say it, you're standing on your toes and reaching up to plant a little kiss to the tip of his nose. When you settle back on the soles of your feet, Jungkook is smiling down at you with so much that you feel instant warmth pleasantly spreading everywhere on your body.

He leans down and his lips touch yours, only for the briefest of seconds.

“Thank you. This is amazing.” Jungkook murmurs softly, every syllable a gentle breath caressing over your lips. His forehead coming to rest over yours and you move to comfortably wrap your arms around his neck.

“I specially love the decoration that will surely haunt me until my dying days.” He adds.

You laugh again, this time a little more loudly. You and Jimin had made sure to print his worst pictures, make stupid collages and photoshop him in all sorts of weird situations. Both of you having to stop every ten minutes from laughing fits so strong that made you cry. It had definitely been worth skipping class for.

“Jimin helped me with that. You know how it’s always go big or go home with us, baby.”

Jungkook hums his amusement over your lips, closing the gap between your mouths again. This time, he lingers a little bit more. His tongue teasing over the seam of your mouth and asking for entry. You open up for him, tongues meeting in a slow pace but still taking deeply everything that they can. Your fingers caressing the soft hairs on the back of his neck as his thumb presses and draws comforting figures and mindless patterns by your waist.

And, as easy as that, everything is Jungkook. His unique sharp taste mixed with the vodka lemonade he just had that you drink off his tongue. His sweet scent swarming all around you and making your head hazy. His firm broad chest pressing over yours, long fingers wrapping perfectly around your waist and, somehow, it's not enough. You want more.

You press your body closer to his, your fingers tugging on his hair and trying to shift his head for a better angle, one that allows you deeper. He entertains you for a little bit longer, fingertips digging further on your waist as his tongue drags and slides over yours with more purpose, more want, before he is pulling back, teeth coming to bite gently at your lower lip as he breaks the kiss.

You whine lowly as a complaint, opening your eyes with a pout already set on your lips.

“Later, baby. We have a crowd to entertain.” He tells you with an amused smile, pressing a quick peck on your pouty lips before he is tugging you by the hand and leading you to the improvised dance floor that currently is set in the middle of his living room.

A few hours and a couple of shots later, Jungkook is finally tugging you free from Jimin and Sunmi’s hold - you’ve been dancing with them for a little while, Jungkook socialising with some of his other friends - and guiding you to his bedroom. Once you're inside, he is quick to press you to his closed and locked door. His hands finding your wrists, fingers wrapping around, pulling them up and pining them over your head as he presses his body further into yours, hips pressuring perfectly over yours.

He is staring you down, something searching in his brown orbs that you can’t quite decipher yet. You’re about to ask him about it when his lips find yours, a hungry and searing kiss that has you groaning over his mouth. He takes, deeply and quickly. Tongue flicking over the roof of your mouth, tangling with yours in a demanding manner that soon enough has your whole body curling and tightening with desire, your heartbeat hammering wildly on your chest.

Then, he is guiding your head to the side, adjusting the angle and you can only follow. His tongue reaching even deeper, dancing with yours intensely and messily, just as you both like it. When he sucks on your tongue, you moan. Push your own hips against his and find pleasure in the low groan your action gets out of him. That’s when he backs his head away from you, biting your lower lip and slowly dragging it throughout the release. You take the opportunity to catch your breath, your chest already going up and down in a harsh pace under his.

As you both look at each other for a moment, hardened breaths and reddened lips, you trade a devilish smile that is enough of an incentive for Jungkook to being slowly grinding his hips over yours. You groan your approval as he starts the movement but, soon enough, you realise that he is playing with you. His pace is torturously slow, his half hard-on pressing over your clothed core and dragging away so slowly and almost gently. It feels maddening. You whine out a more, but all you get is a smirk spreading on his lips as he sticks to his pace and watches you from his half-lidded eyes.

“More.” You insist, this time more loudly and more demanding as push your own hips to meet his, trying to gain more friction.

“Behave.” He tells you, yet there’s an amused tilt to his tone.

Instead of doing as you're told, you only buck your hips up again and try to break his hold on your wrists. You can take too and he knows it too well. But this time it’s of no use, his fingers digging further into your skin and pressuring your arms back to the door, more strongly than before. You whine again but this time is different, is needy as you take a second to breath through the dizzyingly pleasure shooting down your blood from how tight his hands are around you, from how his fingers nip at the skin and pressure, from how good it feels to be roughly pressed up to the door like that, to be struggling against his hold like that. You both have always loved the defiance and the stubbornness in the power play a little bit too much.

“So needy. This is what you want, hm?” He asks you, snapping his hips once and harshly over yours. Finally.

“Y-yes.” You gasp at the feeling, throwing your head back on the door as you offer yourself to him. Jungkook takes the invitation. He leans down, teeth nipping at your exposed neck before he is kissing and blooming a delicious bruise on the skin.

When he thrusts his hips again, you move along with him. Your pelvis meeting his and the outline of his hardening cock pressuring against you deliciously.

“Fuck.” You curse before you feel Jungkook suddenly releasing your wrists, his hands wrapping around your waist as he easily shifts your body around until your forehead is facing the door, your back to him. One of his hands going down to your lower back, keeping you in position as his other roams further down, lightly caressing over your skirt.

“Looking so pretty, all dressed up with my favourite skirt. Is this all for me, baby?” He asks, warm breath fanning on your neck, rough voice in your ear that has shivers running down your spine. His teeth tugging on your lobe and making you let out a small whimper.

“Y-yes.” You answer but is comes out broken as his hand push your skirt up, the pad of his fingers lightly teasing around the band of your already slightly wet underwear.

“Such a pretty girl.” He kisses your neck and you moan as his palm comes down on your exposed skin, a not so light slap making your skin flush and feel tingly in the best of ways. So good.

“I’m-” Jungkook begins, stops when his voice comes out a bit too hoarse. Clears his throat and tries again. “I’m wearing something pretty too. Kinda still had hopes of somehow seeing you tonight.”

The sentence is enough to immediately set you on fire with curiosity and you’re turning on his hold, facing him within a flat second with winded eyes and a gaping mouth. You might be good with your surprises, but Jungkook somehow always find a way to beat you on it.

Your eagerness is translucent and, as always, it makes him chuckle lowly. You close your mouth, a small smile forming there as you watch him. You bite down your lower lip to try to contain it from getting too wide. Jungkook looks somewhat bashful, eyes shifting down to his feet as he keeps on chewing on his lip, the faintest flush adorning his cheeks. So sweet. His duality will still be the end of you, you are sure of it. Still, you will your excited heart to calm down for a second and, finally, try to speak.

“Oh, are you? Show me.”

He looks up at you, eyes searching your expression and an assured smile being offered to you before he is stepping away and walking towards the middle of his room.

You take the opportunity to marvel at him. Jungkook is wearing one of his many simple oversized black t-shirts, tucked into his light washed ripped jeans and his jacket is long gone in the heat of alcohol and bodies that his apartment has turned into. A simple, basic choice for an outfit but somehow he still looks like something akin to a god in your eyes.

He starts with the t-shirt and, as he does it, you know he is ready to give you a show. His fingertips slowly teasing inside his shirt, hitching it up only slightly, giving you just the smallest visual of his honeyed skin. Still, you lick your lips at the sight, palms already tingling with the want to touch, to take, to mark.

“Go on.” You raise your brows at him in a challenge, sounding a bit too breathless even though he isn’t even shirtless yet. The anticipation making heat simmer inside you, only waiting.

Then, Jungkook is finally bunching up his shirt higher. One of his thumbs brushing on his nipple on the way up and he gasps, purposefully loud and pitchy, a smirk spreading on his lips as he hears you curse his name in reaction. You let him have his teasing for now, you like it far too much not to. 

After the shirt is finally out, you barely have the time to appreciate the skin and hard defined muscle that is exposed to you because his hands are sliding down his chest, coming to a stop by the waistband of his pants only to tease there too. Fingertips sliding in and out, playing with the button as he keeps looking at you. Waiting.

“Will I have to go there and open it myself, baby? Or will you be a good boy?” You ask, voice coming out a bit roughed up and snappy. Desire eating up all your rationale.

Jungkook bites his lips, breaking through a smile that threatens to spread on his face and shakes his head to the sides in a silent negative.

“I’ll be a good boy.” He tells you, big doe eyes looking at you through his lashes as he, finally, opens the button and pushes his pants down. You know it’s coming, but it still makes your breath catch in your throat. Still makes your mind swirl dangerously with hot and consuming need.

You two had bought them a few months ago and he had used them only a few times until today, growing more confident with it as each time went by. You can still remember clearly the excitement making you almost dizzy as you two talked about it. You two were finally talking out all of your dirty kinks and Jungkook confessed, a blush creeping up his neck and spreading prettily on his cheeks, about how he always had wanted to see how lingerie would look on him. Immediately, you picked up your phone and made the order along with him. You keep waiting for the effect to lessen in you but it hasn’t yet.

Now, here he is. Hardening cock pressed against the prettiest intricate pattern of black and delicate lace, a wet spot where the tip is compressed against and he looks so dangerously and ethereally pretty that you feel like you could cry. The sight alone is enough to make arousal spread like wildfire throughout your body, everything suddenly feeling too hot and too tight. Wetness pooling heavily in your own panties.

You decide to take the few steps separating you two, eyes drinking him up all the way. Every inch of golden flushed skin, slightly sweaty and defined, prettily decorated with the lace and you want to taste.

“So pretty, Kook. Fuck. I swear I almost can’t believe you’re real.” You tell him, a little dumbfounded and it causes the most attractive little cocky smile to appear on his lips.

“I’m real, baby.” Jungkook tells you, chuckling lightly. “See?” He asks, taking one of your hands in his and gently placing it over his chest.

You place your other hand around his waist, revels in how perfect it fits. With the one he placed on his chest, you start sliding your fingers down, scratching the skin lightly with your nails until you finally meet the waistband of his panties. There, you feel the soft lace. You place your hand on top of it and rub lightly just where the tip of his cock is pressed up on. Your fingertips reaching down, spreading slowly and closing around his hardened length, squeezing.

“No, you’re an angel.” You say it and for a moment you could swear you truly believe it. This is what angels must look like, feel like.

Jungkook lets out an airy chuckle the praise, a small moan at the touch.

“Feels good.” He breathes out as your fingers rub softly the delicate lace into his skin. Your thumb reaching to brush over his tip and pressing down at the slit, making him hiss lowly.

When you look up at him, Jungkook is already looking at you. A bit of that questioning from before still clouding his eyes.

“What do you want, baby? Tell me.” You ask, voice careful and even as you cup the side of his face, thumb brushing gently over his cheek. “Hm?” You nudge him lightly with your nose, brushing it on his. A small kiss to his lips as encouragement.

“Want you to take care of me tonight.” Jungkook tells you, doe eyes boring into yours with a bit of shyness but so much trust, so much want that it makes goose bumps rise everywhere on your skin.

And you know what it means, know what it entails. How he wants you to tear him apart, to push him out of his comfort zone and into the new experimenting zone that you two have been creating for the last months. How much it means to you two, individually and together.

You smile at him, lean in to give him another little kiss before you’re backing away again.

“Yeah, baby. I can do that.”

Those appear to be the magic words, because Jungkook is taking your hand from his face, kissing the top of it before releasing it back to the side of your body and moving. As he walks towards his wardrobe, he tells you.

“I- I got a gift. For myself.” His voice comes a bit muffled through the opened door, a few noises filtering through until he is closing it and walking back to you with a small black gift bag in hands.

“But it’s- it’s for you to use.” As he says it, his cheeks are blushing furiously and he can barely hold eye contact. It’s… cute. It makes you want to lean up and bite his cheek, but he is pushing the gift bag into your hands and the thoughts of what might be in there are too strong, too intense that you can’t do anything but pick it up from his hands and take a steadying breath.

“Okay.”

“Open it.” Jungkook murmurs, a low and nervous tinted laugh as he runs one of his hands through his hair.

And you do, a surprised oh escaping your lips while every nerve ending in your body is catching on fire from the visual of what you find inside of the bag. It’s the black vibrating strap-on harness set that you had told him about a few weeks ago and it’s gorgeous. It’s for you, it’s for him. It’s perfect.   It takes you a minute to recollect and only when Jungkook calls your name, softly and lowly, is that you look up back at him but, when you do, his eyes are quick to fleet away. 

“Are you sure, Kook?” You ask, one hand reaching for his chin and tugging at it so his eyes can meet yours again.

He gives you a small nod, chewing on his lips as his cheeks redden gently.

“Yeah. Trust you. Want it. If you want it?”

“Okay. Of course I want it, baby.” You let out a little incredulous laugh. You've been telling him for ages how this is something that you'd love to try, but only with someone that felt comfortable with it, that wanted it too, obviously. 

It takes you two a few minutes getting around the toy, Jungkook already having studied the set and telling you everything you need to know about it. Where to turn it on, how many speeds it has and how to wrap the harness around you. When he finishes the explanations, there’s a big excited smile on his face that you want to bite.  

When you finish strapping the set around you, the harness defining beautifully over your naked ass and thighs, Jungkook looks at you as if you have just hung the moon for him. Well, maybe a sexier version of that because there’s thick velvet dripping hotly from his eyes and he looks downright ready to consume you but, still.

“You look so good, y/n. Fuck, I can’t believe.” He tells you, unconsciously pressuring the palm of his hand over the hard bulge in his panties.

“Yeah? Come and touch.” You invite, smirking down at him and he is eager to get up from his place - sitting by the edge of the bed - and meet you. His eyes are burning with so much lust and curiosity as his fingertips eagerly and lightly trace the harness on your skin, before he is tugging on them harshly and making you gasp at the sudden tightness. He smiles at you, a playfulness hanging by the corner of it. Eyes sparkling with mischief.

Then, Jungkook’s hand is wrapping around the length of the toy, going up and down as if he is mapping it out, fully grasping the idea of all of it being inside him soon enough.

“Good?” You check with him.

Jungkook bites his lips and nods his head. Before you can really say anything else, he is turning on his feet and reaching for the lube that he had placed earlier on the bed. Instead of coming straight closer to you again, he is pushing his panties down and off. Cock sprinting free, hard and tip reddened, so alluringly wet that it makes your mouth water. When he finally is in front of you again and you’re about to reach out to touch, Jungkook sinks to his knees.

Firstly, he looks up at you. Waiting. It takes you a few seconds, surprised by whatever it is that he is planning, but you nod. Then, he’s spreading lube in one of his hands. Reaching up with the clean one for the length of the toy in front of him, steadying it and guiding it close to his mouth. It’s already an unbelievable and sinful sight. Again, he looks up at you through his lashes. All sweet and innocent but dark and filthy at the same time. You don’t know how he does it, why it makes you want to scream. You try to swallow it all down, to keep it cool.

“Gonna be a good boy. Open up myself for you while I try this, always wanted to try this.” As he says it, voice all roughed up and lust-filled, a little bit lost in his thoughts, you can feel your whole body trembling.

“Shit, Kook.” It’s all you can really say, one of your hands coming to cup the back of his head, fingers wrapping around the soft locks there and holding on. Because even though he is not even touching you yet, you’re the one that feels the need to hold on to something for balance.

Like that, Jungkook is tipping his hips and raising his ass up, hand reaching behind him. You can tell when he starts teasing himself, can easily notice as pleasure starts breaking starkly through his expression. His breaths leaving him in little pleasured puffs, small sighs and moans as he finally gets the first finger inside.

“So beautiful, baby.” You tell him, fingers caressing his hair and he looks up at you eagerly, head softening in your hold as he almost preens at the praise.

Soon enough, Jungkook is wrapping his mouth around the toy. Lips stretching around it as he takes it in, inch by inch, his eyes locked to yours. You keep caressing his head, encouraging, and when he seems to have swallowed everything that he comfortably can, he starts sucking on it, bobbing his head up and down at the same pace that he pushes his hips up and down his fingers.

It really doesn’t take more than a few minutes for him to begin moaning around the toy, a muffled scream as his fingers probably curl and find that sweet spot inside him. From there on, he forgets a bit about the toy, too focused on chasing the pleasure he is getting and you're the one that tugs at his hair and keeps fucking the toy on his mouth, your hips thrusting a little bit, getting it deeper inside and fastening the pace. The action making his hazy eyes focus on you, making him groan throatily around the toy.

Like that, you watch as his hips struggle to keep up with the new speed, his mouth equally struggling to stay wrapped around the toy as loud and broken moans keep tearing themselves from his throat. It only gets messier. His cheeks are flushed, long eyelashes fanning over his cheekbones as he closes his eyes. Red and glistening mouth, drooling a little bit everywhere. His thighs keep contracting and his cock twitching, leaking with precome. He looks so wrecked, so incredibly so.

“You look so good, so pretty. Mouth stuffed, drooling all over yourself. Stretching your pretty ass open for me. Wish I could record you just so you could see it later, baby. How good you look.” You tell him and your voice makes him open his eyes, looking up at you again. You find his brown orbs dark and heady, already glassed and so beautifully lost to the pleasure he is giving to himself. Gods, it’s too much.

You find yourself forcefully pulling the toy out of his mouth and quickly kneeling down in front of him. Surging forward and kissing him. Kissing him fast and rough and messy. Teeth clashing, nipping. Tongue curling, pushing and pulling heavily.

“God, I fucking love you.” You groan over his lips as you break the wet kiss, eyes searching and finding his opened mouth, trying hard to catch up his breath. Eyes still glimmering, now with warmth added to them. So incredibly beautiful.

“I fucking love you too.” He chuckles, voice all roughed up, creaking by its corners and making a thrill run down your spine.

“Bed. Let’s go.”

After you both have stood up, he is the one pushing you to the bed. Your back hitting the mattress and your body bouncing a bit before settling. As it does, you move yourself up to the headboard, to a mid-sitting position.

“Think you’re stretched enough?” You ask, knowing that the toy doesn’t have that much girth so it shouldn’t be a big change from the fingering you two have been doing for a while now, from what he was just doing right now. A change, but not one that he couldn’t take. You’ve been there yourself, so you're not that much worried.

“Yeah.” Jungkook answers, turning on his back by the end of the bed and bending slightly down to show you how easily he fits three of his fingers, pushing them all the way inside. A drawled moan leaving his lips as he does it. The visual and the sound making your mouth water, your body tremble, your core drip and soak even more. You feel so incredibly turned on and it takes everything in you to believe that boy in front of you is actually real, is actually yours. Fuck.

“Good boy.” You tell him, tone just as rough and wrecked as you feel. He turns to face you, his big brown eyes so inciting, that cheeky smirk spread on his lips.

You do the only thing you can and tap on your thighs to beckon him to join you.

“Come on, baby. Ride me. Show me how good you can really be.”

In a few minutes, he is straddling you. One lubed hand reaching down for the toy strapped to you and coating it all over as he rests his forehead on yours, his hard breathing meeting yours. You two are lost in lust, in excitement, in eagerness. It’s intense, as it always is between you, but the new element makes even more so this time around. It feels intoxicating and you wouldn't have it any other way. Your whole body feeling alight and tightened, waiting to snap.

And then, Jungkook is kissing you. Quick and deep, as if he needs as a little encouragement. You give it to him, pour all your love, all your desire to the tip of your tongue and you let him take it. Take all of it. When he breaks the kiss and gives you a little nod, you reach for his ass cheeks, grabbing and lightly slapping at them before you’re spreading them apart for him. An airy sigh escaping his lips before he rises his hips and reaches for the toy, aligning it.

You bite your lips, focus on watching his expression as he goes down, swallowing it little by little. Small gasps and endearing ohs leaving his lips, now prettily shaped in an open small circle. The prettiest furrow of concentration between his brows. His eyes are on your face but they seem unfocused, as if he can’t really see anything, just feel the pleasure building up inside him.

Once he is bottomed in, it takes him a few minutes of adjusting before he is nodding at you again. At his approval, you click on the button of the toy’s small remote for the first time and it comes alive inside him.

“Oh fuck, yes.” Jungkook mutters out, low voice as if he can’t really fully grasp the sensations he is getting to feel right now.

You can feel the low vibration close to where you’d like it to be on you, a faint buzz through the strap-on fabric that's covering over your pussy, but it’s there. And you hum your appreciation as Jungkook's moans keep on elongating, one after the other until he is basically whining.

“Okay?” You ask him, a big smile on your face as you watch his forehead furrowing, mouth opening more and more as he begins to move on top of the toy, experimenting a roll of his hips, before rising them up a little bit and sinking down again.

“So okay.” Jungkook tells you in a pleased grunt, throwing his head a little bit back and bracing his hands on your thighs. He looks beautiful, wrecked, ready for the taking. You feel him burn everything inside you.

“So full, shit.” His voice sounds a bit overwhelmed, teetering on the edge of a possible unbridled pleasure and you’re more than ready to help give it to him.

“Now fuck me like you mean it, baby.” You order him at the same time that you press the button of the small remote again. Two times. Three out of its five speeds and it has Jungkook cursing loudly.

“Fuck, y/n.” Jungkook moans out your name as your hands on his ass incite him to move. And he does, beginning to bounce up and down on the toy and picking up a pace. When he snaps his hips down, so hard and so good, you feel the vibrations ricocheting and reaching you a bit more strongly than before. It makes you want to chase it right along with him.

“Taking it so well, baby. So well.” You praise him and it really doesn't take long for his cock to start drooling with precome all over itself and your belly, an arousing and alluring vision. When Jungkook reaches for it, though, you’re quick to stop him.

“Hands on your back, Jungkook.” Your voice snaps and instantly his hands are freeing his cock and lowering to the side of his thighs, his head lolling forwards and widened eyes meeting yours with a hint of confusion swimming in them.

“No touching, okay? Ask me if you want me to touch you.” You add, this time more softly but still with a sternly tone to get your point across. “On your back.”

And he does it, crossing his wrists over his back. Cute.

“T-touch me, please.” He moans out, continuing to fuck himself on the toy.

“So needy, sunshine.” You tell him but, really, who are you to deny Jungkook anything? Though it's not the way he probably meant it, since you have slightly different plans for him today, but your hands find his nipples, index and thumb teasing and flicking over them before squeezing harshly. He moans and slows down his pace so you can continue abusing them.

After a minute, when your hands lower, fingertips grazing over the leaking head of his cock and pinching it lightly before wrapping around it and squeezing, so tight and hard, he all but screams. When you release him, he whimpers and your only answer is to give a moderate slap to his cock, getting it bouncing back, all red and wet on his belly, and that’s when he cries out your name.

“Fuck, y/n. Fuck.”  

You give him another little slap and revel in his broken delicious moan. You feel like you are about to lose it, about to scream because there's so much want and need bursting and burning and consuming inside you right now that you might as well explode if you don't.

“You’re so beautiful, baby, so good to me. Faster, come on.” It’s the only thing you manage to say, your feet steadying on the bed as you begin to snap your own hips to meet his movements, fucking him harder, faster, deeper. Your boobs bouncing a bit with it and you know Jungkook is staring, eyes hungrily following the movement and can only imagine how much he wants to touch but appreciates that he chooses to obey you. His hands only lowering from his back to clutch at your thighs, to help keep his balance steady. He bites his lips, closes his eyes and keep meeting your thrusts.

When he twists his hips a little as he bottoms down and positively screams, the scream morphing itself into a sob, you know what it probably means.

“Did you find it?”

He manages to faintly nod at you and there’s bliss, raw pleasure exploding all over his face like fireworks. Your own private show.

“Don’t stop, Kook.”

And he doesn't, your hands on his waist helping to keep him steady on top of you as you both keep the fast pace as best as you can.

“I need- need more.” He reaches to touch himself again and you quickly hold his wrist with one hand, the other reaching back to slap his ass cheek. Hard and loud, just like you know he likes. He moans, it comes out broken when you slap him for the second time.

“I said no touching.”

“I won’t, I won’t. Promise. Again, please.” Jungkook sounds so wrecked, so good. His puppy eyes incredibly glassed, begging you to wreck him and you know he’s one minute from crying, one minute from having probably one of the best orgasms he has ever had. It’s maddening even for you.

You hit him again and again, his pace on top of you getting faultier and messier by the second.

“C-can I come? Please, y/n. Wanna come so bad.” He whines, low voice asking for permission and it makes everything in you tighten and curl even more, heat consuming at the pit of your stomach and shooting out to your whole body. Mind reeling in how good Jungkook is, how perfect he is.

“Not yet, pretty.” You manage tell him gently as you release one of your hands from his waist, blindly reaching for the remote by your side again.

“Can you take more, baby?” You ask, raising the device to his face so he can understand you’re talking about.

“Fuck.” He sobs again and there’s tears threatening to fall from his eyes. He doesn’t answer your question, only keeps releasing a low string of curses and airy little sounds.

“Jungkook, are you red?” You feel a faint worry starting to spread on your chest, your hand reaching to push his sweaty bangs off his forehead and eyes searching for any sign of pain in his, but your worry is put out soon enough.

“No, fuck. Green. More, yes, I can’t—Green.”

And that's all it takes for you to push up the vibrations up to the toy's full speed. It’s so strong now, Jungkook fucking it down so hard too that you can feel it vibrating lightly on you and it makes you gasp, stuttering for a breath.

Jungkook’s body starts shaking on top of you, his thighs trembling wildly, almost being unable to push him up anymore. You gather your strength and begin snapping your hips up again, as fast as you can.

“Oh my god, fuck. I’m- I’m not gonna. Oh, fuck, fuck.” And Jungkook is crying, fresh tears raking down his face alluringly, his body leaning down, unable to keep itself straight. Getting closer to you, hands and arms shaking as they clutch on the sheets by the sides of your body, knuckles white from the force.

“Come, baby. Make a pretty mess for me. Come on.”

And Jungkook actually comes, untouched and you think that this is too much, probably a dream. He keeps on coming, thick and hot, all over his abs and your chest. Beautiful.

It takes him a few minutes to come back, his body sagging over yours, toy slipping out of him as he lays on top of you. You turn off the toy and try your best to keep him comforted, to adjust so you’re not so squashed to the bed without moving him around too much. Jungkook settles over you, head turned to the side and resting on your collarbone as he keeps fighting to catch his breath.

“You did so good, Kook. So good.” You whisper lowly, fingers gently caressing his damp hair.

“Fuck, that was. Incredible.” Is what he tells you a few minutes later when he finally manages to sit back on top of you, sniffling a bit. Slightly red-rimmed eyes shining with bliss, a fucked out grin on his bruised lips, messed up and damp black hair and flushed cheeks. Pretty and wrecked. That look on him might just be the best thing you have ever seen.

You hum your agreement as he leans down again, this time face to face and kisses you. Kisses you sweet and slow, every twist of his tongue coating you with gratitude and gentleness.

“Thank you.” He mutters over your lips. “Gotta clean the mess I made now." He adds, backing away. That smug grin is on his face again as he winks at you before pushing his body down and down, until his face is at level with your torso.

“Fuck, Jungkook.”

He leans down his head, eyes looking up at you through his lashes as he peeks his tongue out and laps at his come spread on your abdomen. You feel your body fluttering with the feeling of his warm tongue on your naked skin, a bit too sensitive, too needy. Your mind spinning with how filthy what he is doing is and you moan, loudly.

Soon, he is pushing his body back up again and you open your mouth, eager for it. His lips sealing over yours, tongue dripping in and feeding you the come that he gathered and you moan again, this time at the taste of him. Again, at how dirty and deliciously filthy all of this feels. Your whole body pulsating with need.

Jungkook moves down once more, licking and swallowing all the come that was on you before he is reaching up to your breast. Nosing along it teasingly before his warm and wet mouth finally wraps around one of them. Your mouth parting in a gasp when he lightly bites at the hardening nub, your hand coming to tangle at his damp hair and tugging when he starts sucking it.

His tongue is maddening and, after being turned on for so long without much stimulation, you feel like you could probably come from this alone. At a harsher suck, Jungkook's tongue rolling around the nipple to soothe before he is sucking steady and nice again, he has you screaming out his name in a chant like manner, over and over. His eyes flickering open to meet yours, pleased and proud, lust and fire dancing dangerously in them all over again.

Jungkook releases your nipple with a small pop sound and it has you groaning. He raises his head, levelling it up to yours again. He nuzzles your nose, bites your lower lip before his fingers are lightly tapping at the strap-on still attached to you.

“Let’s get this out of you because it’s your turn now to be a good girl for me.”

[makeste]

Top 10 Favorite Deku Moments

so it’s Deku’s birthday today!! and since he is the best boy in the world and I love him, I am going to do one of those “top ten favorite...” lists for him just like I did for Kacchan back in April. these are going to be in chronological order, and the last two will be spoilers, so I’ll label them to make sure no one gets caught unawares.

happy birthday Deku. and this post turned out to be super long, like 4000 words, so I’m sorry, but you deserve it though.

1. “Most of the top heroes show signs of greatness even as children.”

okay so before I get started, let me just warn y’all upfront that a full four out of ten of these moments will involve Bakugou. I’ve said before that the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki is full stop my favorite part of the series, and this is absolutely still true, so yeah.

that being said, what makes this particular scene one of my favorites isn’t just that it’s an important moment between them (I’ll get into that relationship more two entries down); it also just so happens that this is the crucial moment which everything else in the series can ultimately be traced back to. this is the moment that inspires All Might to hand his power down to a quirkless middle-schooler, because despite being virtually powerless, Izuku proves that he has the heart and soul of a hero. he moves without thinking, without any kind of plan. it’s extraordinarily stupid, and incredibly selfless. it doesn’t matter to him that he has no way to actually fight this villain. it doesn’t matter that less than an hour ago, Bakugou was taunting him and burning his notebook. it doesn’t matter that he could easily be hurt or killed. the only thing that matters is that someone needs help. that’s it. it’s that simple. 

what makes Izuku a hero is that he is literally incapable of standing by and not taking action in moments like this. he acts on reflex to save others. his instinct in moments of danger and despair is to help, in any way he can. that’s the core of his character. and it shines through in this moment, and All Might sees it immediately, and it spurs him to take action, and from here on out everything changes.

2. “He didn’t utilize his full power. He just concentrated it into his fingertip...!”

fast-forward to the first day of superhero school, and our boy finds himself immediately in a tight spot again because his teacher is a stern and unsympathetic asshole whose way of showing consideration for his students is to mercy-expel anyone he deems not up to par. problem is, Izuku can’t actually use his new quirk without blowing himself up from the inside out, and he’s competing against what is probably the most gifted group of students U.A. has ever had. this is what is commonly referred to as “a pickle.” a jam. a quandary, if you will. if he breaks all his bones to pass the test, Aizawa will flunk him anyway. what’s a little green hero to do.

Izuku solves this problem in a typical Izuku fashion, meaning that his solution is somehow reckless, self-sacrificing, and frankly brilliant in its simplicity. rather than break all of his bones, Izuku sacrifices one (1) bone in order to launch a baseball into space, thus proving he can adapt his quirk to be useful without taking himself out and just adding to the problem. it’s worth noting that this is only his second-ever time using One for All, too. the fact that he has never had a quirk in his life up til this point and yet manages to control OFA to this degree on just his second go-around is damn impressive.

but what’s even more impressive is the way he simply outsmarts the test here. he calmly takes in the situation, thinks about the options at his disposal, and arrives at a logical solution that most people wouldn’t even have considered, because it involves intentionally breaking his own finger, which is an absurdly self-destructive thing to do just to pass a damn fitness test. but it works!! and it impresses the shit out of Aizawa too. and I just really love this moment because it’s such a perfect example of Deku both being smart and also just plain not giving a fuck and being the plussest ultra ever omfg.

3. “I can’t say much. But you should know this, at least...!”

so now we come to the second moment on this list involving Kacchan, and already there is a pattern emerging here: namely, that these moments of conflict and then reconciliation between the two of them inevitably end up being some of the most pivotal moments in the series. this particular scene comes on the heels of their battle in All Might’s first hero class, during which Deku soundly defeats Bakugou and makes it clear beyond all doubt that HE IS HERE!! and not going anywhere and Bakugou is just going to have to deal. Bakugou does a very poor job of dealing, however, and spends the rest of the afternoon super-quiet and caught up in his inferiority complex and convinced that Deku has been hiding this from him their whole childhood just to fuck with him.

most people, when put in a similar situation, would be all “fucking serves you right tbh” and just brush it right off. but Izuku doesn’t. or more accurately, I should say that he can’t. once again he acts on pure instinct when Kacchan’s welfare is involved, and this time it results in him blurting out his biggest secret -- a secret he was sworn to by All Might himself -- simply because he can’t stand to see Kacchan so miserable and he can’t bear the thought of him believing that Izuku really had been tricking him.

this is so extraordinary to me for a number of reasons. first and foremost, because Izuku’s altruism knows absolutely no bounds. he and Kacchan are on possibly the worst terms any two people could be on. he has absolutely no obligation to tell him this. but he does, anyway! just to make him feel better! second, there’s the fact that he doesn’t intend to do it, but it just comes blurting out. Izuku’s feelings toward Kacchan are complicated, as we know. and yet whatever the reason may be, Izuku demonstrates again and again that it’s a relationship he wants to hold onto, and he does his best to protect and preserve what little pieces of it he can. 

and lastly, this is now the second example of what will become a well-established theme in the series of Izuku going out of his way to save Katsuki. he does this again and again. he tries to help him after he falls from the log bridge. he rushes to save him from the sludge monster. he tells him about his quirk. he nearly fails their final exam because he goes back for him after All Might knocks him out. he runs into a forest full of villains to try and save him in spite of having two broken arms. he goes to Kamino with Kirishima and the others knowing full well it could get him expelled. and he fights him at night in Ground Beta even though they get into trouble for it later, because he sees how much pain Katsuki is in and he can’t turn his back on him. 

over and over again he puts himself in harm’s way for Katsuki’s sake, fully expecting no gratification to ever come from it, but doing it anyway. because he’s a hero, and because heroes don’t ask whether or not someone deserves to be saved. they just save them. this to me is the most incredible aspect of Izuku’s character. his heart is just that big. he is exceptionally, impossibly selfless and forgiving and good. and that’s just who he is. and Bakugou is lucky enough to be on the receiving end of that, whether he likes it or not, and ultimately over the course of these repeated encounters, he ends up changing for the better himself. and this moment in particular will, eventually, lead to the two of them actually reconciling for realsies when Bakugou finally figures it out and is subsequently inducted into the OFA Scooby Squad of Destiny. so yeah. this scene is so fucking important I can’t even begin. god I really went off on a tangent there. anyways.

4. “And Todoroki... isn’t you!”

so here’s another battle which highlights Izuku’s willingness to go to absurd and horrifying lengths to sacrifice himself for the sake of others. this entire fight is nothing short of ridiculous. Deku is ridiculous. let me break it down for you. Todoroki comes up to Deku before this fight and is all “hey I made a vow to never use my left side in battle because my dad only had me to use me as a tool to defeat All Might and he basically ruined my life.” in response, Deku says he’s aiming to become the strongest hero and so he’ll definitely win. he then proceeds to break his own fingers to blast Todoroki with repeated OFA attacks, all the while screaming at him that everyone is going all out and doing their best, and it’s arrogant and disrespectful of Todo to think he can beat their determination with only half of his power. 

Deku has absolutely zero regard for his own well-being in this fight -- by the end of the battle his bones are in splinters -- and his teachers observe that even if he does win, he won’t be in any kind of shape to move on to the next match. basically, he throws aside all of his own ambitions and even his own sense of self-preservation (if he even has one; it’s honestly debatable at this point you guys), all for the sole purpose of helping Todoroki realize that his power is his own and not his father’s, and to break free of the revenge-tinted tunnel vision keeping him from following his own dreams. the whole thing leaves Todoroki awestruck, and even though Deku eventually loses the fight, he gains a friend for life, and Todo fans everywhere are in his debt. 

real fucked up what he did to his fingers, though. but it just goes to show that nobody is perfect.

5. “I’m here to save you, Iida!”

I freaking love this moment you guys, and I can’t even explain why. except that who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned last-minute shounen save? Iida is seconds away from meeting his death at the hands of the world’s most annoyingly long-winded Ninjas Turtles cosplayer when Deku drops in out of nowhere and just socks the guy square in the jaw. it is satisfying as fuck. honestly that would have been awesome enough, but what makes it even better is that Horikoshi goes into some detail to explain that Deku didn’t just coincidentally happen to find Iida at the exact crucial moment, but actually used his Big Hero Brain to deduce Iida’s location through a series of shrewd observations and insightful hunches. and he turns out to be bang on the money, and that moment where Stain is reeling from the punch and Iida is looking up at him like, “Midoriya?!” and Deku sticks the landing in slow motion and says “Bingo!” in fucking English is just so fucking badass, guys. not to mention that this is also the debut of his Shoot Style on top of everything else. to sum up, this is one of the best entrances in the entire series, and just one of the coolest things Deku has ever done, IMO. you’re cool, Deku.

6. “You clocked me with all of your heart.”

yeah so you may at this point be sensing a pattern with some of these moments. yet again Deku does something stupid and risky because he sees Kacchan in trouble and all logic and reason immediately fly out the window. in this case it’s even more ridiculous, because Katsuki is not actually in any real danger at all, and by going back for him Izuku completely loses sight of what Katsuki got himself all beat up for in the first place. and yet he does it anyway! again! without thinking! like, he makes it maybe two steps away, and then he overhears Kacchan’s teary-eyed overdramatic and determined speech, and he immediately goes “oh fuck this I can’t do this” and turns back and grins maniacally at All Might before soundly punching the shit out of him. it is complete nonsense. there is no reason for it. Katsuki himself is furious when he finds out about it later. but does Deku care?? no, he does not care. and do I? no I do not because it’s the best and I love it.

7. “Let’s do our best, okay?”

this scene is feels city you guys. feels o’clock. zero dark feels. I almost put the “you’re next” scene here instead, but in the end this scene won out because (1) hug!! and (2) this is really the continuation of all of those emotions anyway, and it’s where the catharsis is at.

so let’s break this down since there’s a ton going on here. Deku is wrestling with the grief of knowing that All Might the hero, the Symbol of Peace, is gone forever. the pillar he and the rest of the world relied on to always be there isn’t there, any more. that sense of security is gone. and that’s a hard enough thing to come to grips with on its own, but put it together with the knowledge that he is the one who needs to step up now and fill those shoes, before he ever expected to, before he’s ready, and I can only begin to imagine how overwhelmed he must feel. and then on top of that!! All Might tells him he’s proud of him and relieved that he made it out of Kamino unharmed! and he tells him that he’s going to be there for him and that they’ll face the challenges up ahead together.

so for poor Deku, when you put that all together, we’ve got (a) that sense of loss, (b) fear and anxiety over the unknown difficulties to come, (c) various imposter syndrome feelings that he might not be good enough to handle it, (d) whatever misplaced guilt he may be dealing with for being one of the reasons All Might lost his power, however inevitable it might have been, and last but not least, (e) the deeply profound and humbling feeling of being loved and supported by the man he loves like a father, and knowing that no matter how scary things get, he won’t have to do this alone. so in spite of everything else, there’s that sense of relief and gratitude there too. he can do this. it will be okay. his dad is there.

all of that emotion, packed in one tearful hug. no wonder the kid is crying his eyes out. I would be too. in fact I did, and have no shame in doing so, and I would do it again. good job Horikoshi.

8. “This fight may very well have been a meaningless one... but...”

motherfucker did I not warn you there would be four different BakuDeku moments in this?? and that’s with me reining myself in too to be quite frank. that’s just how it is. it’s my list!! 

anyway, so I’m not sure whether or not an entire fight counts as a “moment”, but I’m putting it out there anyway because I’m incapable of narrowing this down any more than that. I could have an entire separate list of Top Ten Deku VS Kacchan Part 2 Moments and I’m sure I would still wind up leaving something out. I love all of it. the whole damn thing. it’s such a huge turning point for them both. they finally sort everything out. truth bombs being hurled left and right. it’s so good. agh.

but here are some of Deku’s highlights: (1) immediately shifting from trying to talk Kacchan down to fighting him outright with no hesitation once he realizes what the fight is actually about, (2) despite knowing how Kacchan feels, allowing himself to be just a bit selfish for once and get caught up in his own rival feels and trying to prove his worth as All Might’s successor, (3) complimenting Kacchan in the middle of the fight because of course he does, (4) openly admitting how much he admired Kacchan growing up and that he thought he was amazing, (5) getting so worked up that he loses control for a moment and jumps to 8% in one of the most badass moments of the whole series, (6) acknowledging to himself that even though he really shouldn’t, he kinda digs Kacchan’s rougher “I’LL KILL YOU, ASSHOLE” side anyway and emulates it without thinking when he forgets himself and that Kacchan is his image of victory, and lastly, (7) being a sneaky bastard and throwing a punch in with his shoot style knowing full well it will catch Kacchan off guard, which it fucking does.

Deku goes hog wild in this fight. he has a grand old time and even manages to achieve a new power-up, because he and Kacchan always do manage to bring out the best in each other, when they’re not bringing out the worst. you can’t watch this fight and fail to notice how insanely fired up Deku is compared to his usual fights. he is into it. he is ready and willing to throw down. he is here to kick ass and take names!! this is the impact Kacchan has on him. thirty fucking seconds into his therapy fight and Deku's maximum power output has increased by a whopping 60%. holy shit. mad lads.

it’s something not lost on All Might, who wraps things up by patiently explaining to the two of them how much they can learn from each other. and the whole thing concludes with the two of them becoming, as All Might puts it, “proper rivals.” that’s right, their rivalry is now officially approved and sanctioned by the motherfucking Symbol of Peace. well done, boys. these two are going to be absolutely terrifying when they grow up.

***SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA PAST THIS POINT***

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9. “...But you were there.”

okay so I have this indecisive kind of thing going on with whether or not I think All Might is actually going to die, and whether or not I want to see it happen. some weeks, like this particular week, I am on the side of BITCH DON’T YOU DARE because everything is goddamn sad enough as it is, Horikoshi, and I don’t need any more reasons to lie awake at night crying over fictional characters! but then there are other days when I think about how devastatingly, breathtakingly heartbreaking it would be, and for some reason I think, shit, yeah, he’s gotta do it. go ahead and hurt us good. make us feel things. leave no survivors. just fucking wreck our shit, go on ahead.

but then I read this scene again and think, there’s something so incredibly powerful about the fact that All Might started out the series believing he was going to die and being resigned to that fate and making preparations for it, only to be completely blindsided by the love he has for this boy and what that ends up doing to him. his love for Izuku gives him the strength to fight against fate. it gives him the resolve to look the grim reaper in the eye and say “to hell with this, I’m going to live.” it’s his reason to keep going. it’s his purpose. and god but that’s some powerful shit. characters saying “fuck you” to destiny? I am weak as hell for that, hell yes give me more. give me all of that.

and then Deku in this scene. pleading with All Might to keep living. “you have to live to see that moment, when I can tell the world, ‘I am here!’” promising him that no matter what happens, when the time comes, they’ll bend fate together. “without fail.” and just, holy fuck. when he says it, you really believe they can do it. because if anyone can figure out a way to conquer the inevitable, it’s this kid.

10. “Senpai... if I said that I would give you my quirk, would you...?”

last but not least, today just happens to be Mirio’s birthday as well, so it only seems fitting to end with this moment, which in the span of a single page neatly sums up why both of these kids are worthy beyond a doubt of being the next Symbol of Peace. Deku selflessly tries to offer Mirio his quirk, and Mirio instantly rejects him. doesn’t even know what’s going on, really, but just rejects the offer out of hand. “no thanks. then you would be the one subjected to this hardship.” and we can’t very well fucking have that, now can we. nope. not on Mirio’s watch. never mind that he just lost his quirk and his mentor within the span of the past twenty four hours. he wastes no time in coming to Deku’s aid in spite of that, assuring him that he did great and that everything will be just fine. so just smile already!!

but the fact that Deku was even willing to make the offer just once again goes to show how astonishingly good he is. he knows better than anyone what it’s like to be quirkless and powerless. he knows exactly what Mirio is going through. what’s more, Mirio is absolutely right that Deku did fucking amazing and totally saved the day and without him they would have all been screwed! but all Deku can see in this moment is how deserving Mirio is, and so he decides that in order to help him, he’s prepared to make what for him is the ultimate sacrifice. the power that All Might gave him. his dream of becoming the greatest hero. everything he’s worked for up to this point. he’s prepared to throw all of that away if Mirio just says the word. there truly isn’t a selfish bone in this kid’s body.

but Mirio says no. because Mirio is also selfless. in conclusion we had just better hope the two of them never wind up reaching a door together at the same time, because the ensuing battle of who holds it open for whom could singlehandedly bring this series to a dead halt. the ultimate stalemate. they are too good and we don’t deserve them.

so anyways, that’s it! happy birthday kid. and here’s one more for the road.

11. “Dear Midoriya...”

a story in three acts. character development. growth. god bless.

[nightglider124]

RobStar Week 2019: Day 1

Sooo... I said I was probably not going to take part in RobStar week this year on account of just being burned out and hating basically everything I wrote.

However... I’ve been busting my ass this weekend to get some oneshots written for the week and so far, I’ve managed to churn out like 3 days so I’m rolling with the momentum because fuck knows how long the creativity will hold out.

Not the happiest with this first one... shock... but I like day 2 at least so... yea.

p.s - sorry if I have been awol or not responsive these past few days. I’m not ignoring anyone or anything. I’ve just been solely focused on writing these and haven’t wanted distractions so have like... really tried to stay away from discord and tumblr lmao.

Anyway... enough blabbering... hope you like day 1 and happy robstar week, folks!

(Forgive the weird, makeshift line break below. If Tumblr wasn’t such a little bitch and hadn’t got rid of said feature, it would look normal. >.>)

_____________________________________________________________

Wayne Manor

Pearls of rain were speckled all across the glass with a few trying hard to best the others, racing one another to see who would be first to reach the bottom of the window pane, leaving a watery trail in their steads.

She brought her fingers to the surface, following the lines of the rain droplets, a patient smile on her face. The dampness outside was not one of her favorite types of weather patterns but she didn’t mind it so long as she didn’t have to go out in it.

It had been raining all day; non stop and relentless. Starfire sighed as she shifted in her seat, pressing the side of her head to the glass, her green eyes watching the new raindrops that appeared from the night sky.

She and Robin had arrived in Gotham early that morning and had spent a bit of time together around the city before they inevitably went to see Robin’s former mentor and legal guardian.

Bruce Wayne was, in Starfire’s opinion, a complex and intriguing man. There were a lot of similarities between him and her boyfriend; ones that were painfully familiar to her when she saw them in the billionaire by day, vigilante by night.

She had known Bruce for a while now; having been in a relationship with his son for 2 years, she had had her fair share of meetings with him.

And yet, she still wasn’t sure how she was supposed to take him. She wasn’t sure on what he thought of her as he could make himself just as unreadable as Robin could, if not more. It was so very frustrating to be around humans who were so secretive about their own thoughts and feelings.

Starfire constantly wore her heart on her sleeve; allowing all of her emotions to be showcased. It was a Tamaranian trait, to embrace everything one felt. The very idea of hiding your thoughts and feelings or not expressing them at the very least was unheard of on her world.

They had come to the city Robin had grown up in as another milestone approached.

Nightwing was on the horizon; plans and designs carefully in place, just waiting to be followed through. He had always told her how he wanted Nightwing to be separate from Batman but, asking for a small ounce of help in creating the identity wasn’t too hard a pill to swallow.

Alfred was someone that instantly made her smile; the older gentleman was warm and wise and she felt like she got on very well with him. He reminded her somewhat of Galfore, someone who would likely give her advice that was hard to hear but that was necessary.

If anything, she enjoyed visits to Robin’s former home, simply because of seeing Alfred. She liked to help him with household chores including food preparation or, if the rarity came when the sun was beaming down on Gotham, she would help him in the garden; all the while chatting about whatever they wanted to.

She didn’t have to wonder with Alfred; not like she wondered with Bruce.

As she sat on the integrated seat at the large window of the back of the den, she sighed and rolled her shoulders. There was a breath of loneliness that befell her at times such as this.

Robin had been summoned hours ago, spending the time with Alfred so that measurements could be taken for his new uniform. Bruce had gone as well of course; down the winding staircase into the cave.

She hadn’t explicitly been told she couldn’t tag along with the three of them but she also hadn’t received an invitation, having resorted to staying upstairs and out of their way, instead.

The faint smile she wore faded a little as her mind dwelled on the insecurities she had locked away inside of her.

Starfire had a gut feeling Bruce didn’t like her very much and was likely happy that she had not followed them down to the batcave. He was a conundrum of a person and she simply could not gauge what he was thinking, especially when it came to her.

In the beginning, when she had first come to Wayne Manor and met him for the first time, he had offered a polite smile and engaged in small talk with her as best he could but she still felt the scrutiny in his eyes whenever he looked at her.

Was it because she wasn’t from Earth? Was it because she was a super powered being and he felt that she was a dangerous threat? Or was it simply… he didn’t like who she was and didn’t approve of his son being involved with her?

Biting her lower lip, Starfire pushed the swell of concern mixed with unhappiness further down inside her. There was a lump in her throat and tears briefly pricked her eyes. She wanted him to like her, to think of her like an addition to their family but she had doubts that she would ever reach such a level of acceptance from the man beneath the cowl.

“Starfire?”

A squeak burst from her lips and she jolted forward, her heart thumping in her chest like a caged bird fighting to be free. She took a deep breath and turned to find the source of the voice.

Bruce stood at the archway of the den, staring at her with mild curiosity, his hands at his sides. He wore a pale blue dress shirt, with a stray button not done up at his neck along with pressed, black pants, looking pristine as always. The dim light in the room reflected in the shine of his dark leather shoes and she found herself blinking at him.

“Oh… B-Bruce… you startled me.”

A soft smile adorned his face, “Sorry. We seem to have that be a running theme in this house.”

She puffed out a laugh, “Yes, Dick often catches me by surprise when we are at the tower… he is most silent and works well to use stealth tactics, without even meaning to.”

He nodded and slipped his hands into his pockets, blue eyes narrowing ever so slightly in her direction,

“What are you doing down here?”

She gulped and suddenly felt nervous, a chill coming over her like she had been caught doing something she shouldn’t have.

Immediately, she got to her feet, shyly wringing her fingers together in front of her chest, 

“O-Oh… apologies for… intruding upon areas of your home… I was just-”

Bruce tilted his head, looking confused, “Starfire, please… sit.”

She appeared hesitant now; unsure and uncomfortable.

“Please?”

Wordlessly, she sat back down on the cushion of the window seat, looking awkward as she pressed her knees together and threaded her fingers atop her lap.

Bruce calmly walked closer to her and waved a hand, “I didn’t mean it like you aren’t allowed to be here. You are… I was just curious why you were here of all places in the manor?”

She turned her head back towards the window, watching the rainfall, “This is… the most peaceful spot I have managed to find within your home. I can watch the rain here and be soothed by it.” She paused, “And… I did not wish to interrupt… your planning in the cave.”

His eyes widened a fraction, “Interrupt us? We were actually waiting for you for a time… Dick said you would come down but…”

“Oh.”

She felt her face become hot, embarrassed, with the blush hidden by the orange tone of her skin. 

Peering down at the hem of her skirt, Starfire chewed on her lip, feeling foolish and out of place. Insecurity gnawed at her soul, whispering fears and uncertainties into her mind about what he must think of her.

Bruce watched her for a long moment, processing and reading her behavior before he crossed the space between them and took a seat beside her, on the cushioned surface.

“You must be used to the grim weather here by now.” Bruce murmured, his eyes focused on the lead of the water droplet race that was still in full swing.

Starfire blinked, surprised that he seemingly was trying to make conversation. As she had already pointed out to herself, Bruce was a quiet person, analyzing and calculating and using the true streak of a detective in him to figure others out, rather than conversing to do that like most people would.

“Uh… I… truly do not mind it. Rain is not something that we have on Tamaran. I find it fascinating.”

His brows rose, “You don’t?”

She shook her head, “We have water, of course. But, our water does not fall from the sky.” She paused as a memory floated through her mind and she giggled behind the palm of her hand,

Bruce tilted his head in a questioning manner.

“Forgive me… I… just remembered the first time I discovered rain on this planet. We were all at the park and it started to rain and I was most certain is was an enemy hiding in the clouds… until Dick explained what it was. I do not believe he expected me to spend the rest of our day jumping from puddle to puddle, refusing to go home.”

Bruce stared at her for a long moment before he quirked a smile, “I suppose it would definitely be something worth exploring if you’d never seen it before.”

She smiled fondly as she cast her mind back on that day, “The first time I saw the snow… it was much the same… Dick explained it to me and told me how snow only really comes in Winter.”

“He’s been quite a teacher to you through the years.”

Her smile widened a little more, “He has helped me adjust to life on Earth the most out of all our friends.”

Bruce’s blue eyes softened, seeing very clearly how much his son meant to this girl. 

He hadn’t been sure what to make of Starfire when Dick had first mentioned her and when it became apparent that the boy wonder thought of her as more than just a friend, Bruce took a little more interest when Dick would let slip little details about her.

Meeting her was a full on experience, she’d been excitable and exuberant, floating around the manor with the other Titans, awestruck by the building. He remembered wondering if she ever stopped smiling and if her face hurt at the end of the day because of the constant cheer across her features.

That first time had been years ago now and yet, sometimes, he still got the feeling he and Starfire were at odds in some way. 

He was far from oblivious. He could guess that she didn’t feel like she belonged or fit in whenever the two visited and stayed in Gotham for a few nights; the city and her were like polar opposites. One was gritty and dark, the other was passionate and full of happiness and life. 

Bruce mused that that was what attracted Dick to the alien Princess; she was so different to what he’d known throughout his adolescence; a ray of sunshine through all the gloom, if you will.

“He’s always been the helpful type.” Bruce grunted,

“He is a good man.” She paused to look at him, her green eyes locking on his blue orbs, “For any flaws Dick may have… he has a big heart and a gentle nature…”

He held her stare for a long time; not exactly one to break eye contact easily, before he gave her a short nod, “He is.”

Starfire smiled and played with a lock of red hair, spilling over her shoulder and she turned her attention back to the rain streaked window.

Bruce refrained from clearing his throat awkwardly, trying to ignore the subconscious tapping of his fingertips against his knee. He wasn’t an open book and he wasn’t exactly the social type or at least… he didn’t enjoy being social.

But, in this case, he wanted to try. He knew he wasn’t easy to get along with and every single time they had come face to face, it was Starfire attempting to crack open the shell around him that she’d clearly shattered with Dick. 

He’d noticed the change though; how in recent months, whenever they visited Gotham, Starfire had lost some of that glowing joy that usually radiated within an entire room, lighting everything up.

She’d given in a little with being the first to try and he could imagine what she thought, he thought of her.

Of course, she would likely be wrong. 

Bruce considered her to be a very charming young lady; she was a very good fighter with a fiery temper to match. She was besotted with his son and he with her which was something no one could miss when seeing the couple together. She was an extremely upbeat soul with a sense of childlike wonder which was nothing short of endearing. 

He was happy that Dick was happy and it didn’t hurt that Starfire was a lovely girl as well. He enjoyed her company and found her sweet; a rarity to find in most humans, especially in Gotham City.

“Have I ever told you about when Dick was just a kid and Alfred was in London for a few days?”

Starfire’s brows rose and a small, hopeful smile lingered on her lips as she shook her head.

Bruce chuckled, “He was only about 11 years old then and I’d finished a rough patrol… I had injuries that no child could really know how to dress.”

The Princess shifted, eyes sparkling with interest as she tucked her legs underneath her and laced her fingers together.

“And in usual Dick fashion with trying to help everyone around him… He ended up wrapped toilet paper around my wounds. He wasn’t stupid of course; he’d washed them with water and applied medicinals but this kid couldn’t figure out where Alfred would store the gauze so… doing what he does best, he improvised and headed for the roll in the bathroom.”

Starfire stared at the dark haired man for a long moment before she cracked up laughing, holding her stomach with one hand whilst the other covered her mouth as she descended into giggles.

“He did not!” She squealed, eyes bright with mirth,

Bruce smirked, “Oh he did… before he stuck the paper down with some plasters, hoping that would hold it all together.”

Wiping a tear from her eye, Starfire shook her head in disbelief, “That is most hard to believe. Beside Raven, Dick is possibly the best in the team at wrapping wounds after battles.”

Bruce eyed her, amused, “Well of course he is… after that little display, I had to teach him how to do it the right way.”

Starfire tucked her hair behind her ear as the last of the chortles flowed from her mouth, slowly feeling an ease in her chest, like a weight was lifting the longer Bruce kept the conversation going with her. 

Maybe she hadn’t been entirely correct; maybe there was a chance that Bruce did approve of her and perhaps… he may like her.

“You sharing my embarrassing childhood moments with her, Bruce?”

Starfire beamed as she cast a glance over at the archway where Dick was standing, his arms folded over his chest whilst he leaned against the frame. He wore a smirk across his lips, like he already knew what they had been discussing.

“Me? Never.” Bruce told him in a somewhat stoic manner,

“Uh huh… sure you’re not.” Dick replied, pushing off of the wall to cross the distance before he took a seat just behind Starfire, one arm sliding around her waist and softly kissing her cheek in greeting.

“I’ve just been telling her about… skills you have now improved upon.”

Dick narrowed his eyes at his former mentor, “Is that right? Well, Star, would you like to hear some stories about Bruce?”

Bruce’s eyes widened slightly and he frowned at his son, “Don’t you dare.”

Starfire grinned and turned to her boyfriend, “I believe I would love to hear some.”

“Wait, wait… if you’re set on tarnishing my reputation…” Bruce paused and smirked, seeing Dick playfully roll his eyes in Starfire’s direction, “We’d best go and see Alfred for snacks.”

“You think he’ll be up for making his cookies?” Dick queried, getting up and offering Starfire a helping hand as well. 

Bruce eyed the clock on the wall, “Hmm… I don’t know… it’s a little late.”

Dick grinned and laced his fingers with Starfire’s, “Maybe but I have a secret weapon with one hell of a puppy dog face.” 

Starfire laughed, a tinkling sound amidst the brief silence in the room as walked towards the kitchen with Dick on one side and a smiling Bruce on the other. 

And for once in all the times she had visited Wayne Manor, she actually felt like she could relax and that her presence was welcome, rather than tolerated. She felt like she belonged, even if it was just a little bit.

But, she decided it was something and that feeling could only grow in the future.

[amehanaaa]

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days

Second to last chapter, woot woot! June seriously went by too fast. Nobody can stop her.

I honestly would like to do Nalu Week next week, but honestly, I have no inspiration to do anything right now... soo, I’ll update y’all on what’s going on lol.

Anyway, I hope you all have been having a grand time reading this story! See you next time with the final chapter! (Also can be read here.)

Chapter 8 – Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 Words: 4630 Summary: Lucy and Natsu are determined to take the necessary steps to fulfill their lifetime dreams. Little do they know, they have both given themselves 10 days to achieve it.

It’s an out-of-body experience for Lucy to say goodbye to Natsu’s family the next morning. She makes sure that she doesn’t say see you later or make any future plans with them. As Grandeeny gives her one last hug, Lucy tries her best to hang onto the feeling of her gentle warmth.

As they settle onto the bike, she finds the family waving from the front door.

“Thank you for everything!” she calls out.

Natsu pretends to grab all the kisses that Wendy blows to him. “See you guys soon!”

Lucy physically has to tear her eyes away from the house as they drive away. A pit in her stomach is beginning to develop again.

Today is their ninth day together.

Again, she is thankful for the deafening wind as they return to central Magnolia. She desperately wants everything about the experiment to just go into the trash; she wants to pretend like it wasn’t happening in the first place.

And yet, there is still a sentiment inside of her that won’t allow her to come clean.

Soon enough, the streets become narrower and Lucy starts to recognize street names again. The skyscrapers come into view—they’ve officially returned to the city and the reality of their lives.

“Want to get breakfast?” Natsu suggests as they stop at an intersection.

“I should probably get back,” she admits. She senses his shoulders slump, but she ignores it.

“Well, I know of another good place we can go to next time,” he responds.

Lucy swallows thickly, a knot forming in her throat. In reality, next time doesn’t seem too promising after tomorrow. She feels as though the knot is going to leap out of her mouth as he brings her to her apartment complex.

“I’d say our quality time was definitely a success,” Natsu says.

Once he parks, Lucy hops off the bike and hurriedly makes her way up the front steps.

“Hey, wait up,” he tells her as he shifts the gears into park.

Lucy stops after the first set of stairs. She turns around to see him following after her. He stands at a few stairs below her, which makes their heights match.

“I have to go to the station for a bit.” Natsu takes her hand, brushing his lips across her knuckles. “But you should come to my place tonight.”

“Okay,” she nods, not wanting to talk about tomorrow just yet.

“And tomorrow,” he adds. “Fairy Tail is going to have live music and free food. We should go.”

Lucy has to hold back her wince, but she also notices there’s an unfamiliar tone in his voice. For the first time ever, it sounds like he is nervous.

“Okay, let’s go together,” she responds.

Natsu notices a shadow of sadness in her voice. He braces himself for what he has prepared to say next. He squeezes her hands in his.

“I want you to come with me as my girlfriend.”

An unexpected smile forms onto Lucy’s lips. “Are you calling me your girlfriend?”

Natsu can’t help but smile back. “Yeah, I want you to be my girlfriend.”

“Tomorrow will be the tenth day that we have been seeing each other, right?” she mentions.

There’s a pang in both of their chests at her words. Neither of them can figure out why there are obvious swirls of emotions in each other’s eyes.

“Maybe after tomorrow, we’ll know,” Lucy eventually states. “I have to run some errands today, but I’ll try to stop by your place.”

Before Natsu can get out any words, she gives him a kiss on the cheek. With that, she spins around and hastily enters the building.

Natsu watches her for a few moments, but doesn’t hesitate to take out his phone. He texts Gray that he needs to talk to him as soon as possible.

Not allowing herself to look back, Lucy’s palms immediately begin to sweat as she enters the elevator. She can’t stop herself from impatiently tapping her foot.

While rushing into her apartment, she releases a loud sigh. She presses her back against the door and shuts her eyes. Perhaps if she does this long enough, the heaviness in her chest would lessen. When she opens her eyes again, she is met with a curious-eyed Levy standing right in front of her.

“Levy, don’t scare me like that!” Lucy proclaims, placing a hand over her heart. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Enough to hear all your weird mumblings,” Levy replies with now gleaming eyes. “How did these past two days go?”

“Terrible,” Lucy responds with another sigh. She pushes herself off the door and slumps onto the couch. “It was terribly perfect.”

“Tell me everything!” Levy exclaims, jumping onto the couch with her.

Lucy runs a hand through her hair. She bites her lip as she processes her thoughts—the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes going to Natsu’s home really was perfect. There isn’t anything that went wrong these past two days.

“I’m going to try and repeal my article,” Lucy blurts out.

Levy gapes at her, slowly shaking her head in disbelief. “Are you sure your boss will let you?”  

“I’m going to try,” Lucy says firmly. “I can’t do this article anymore. It’s going to drive me crazy.”

Levy stares at her friend. She can’t stop herself from asking the obvious. “Do you think you’ve fallen for Natsu?” she asks quietly.

Lucy freezes, not being able to look up at Levy. Instead, all she can muster up is a slow nod. Another lump forms in her throat. The weight of the assignment used to settle in her stomach, then her chest, and now it’s in her throat.

“We’re going to get through this, Lu,” Levy assures her gently.

“H-How?” Lucy questions with a trembling voice. “If Natsu finds out about the article, he won’t want to see me again.”

Levy stays silent at her words. Whether they want to admit it or not, it’s a guarantee that it won’t settle well with Natsu. And as strange as it sounds to say, they don’t know him well enough to predict how he will react.

“My shift starts soon,” Levy eventually speaks again. She stands up from the couch. “What are you going to do now?”

“Natsu wants me to go to his apartment later,” Lucy responds, running her hand through her hair again. “Should I go?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Levy raises a brow. “Spend the time you have left together.”

Now that Lucy can see the ticking clock of their relationship, she realizes how important it is to cherish these final hours with him. She wants to make sure this final night together is worth it.

Once Levy leaves for work, Lucy absentmindedly sits on the couch for several moments. To kill some time, she opens her laptop and stares at her nine days’ worth of notes. She skims through them, hardly believing that she acted this way.

“Why did he stick with me for so long?” Lucy mumbles to herself.

It isn’t until she reads her last few notes when she notices Igneel’s words. She scrolls up to Laxus and what he said. Then, she ends with Makarov revealing that Natsu was invested into the relationship by bringing her to Fairy Tail.

Suddenly, it clicks—the reason why Natsu is so patient with her is that he is committed to her. After suppressing the idea for so long, it slaps Lucy in the face.

Now that her feelings have been added into the mix, she can’t figure out who is going to get hurt the most after all of this.

But she knows the power of a draft. With newfound determination, Lucy types out several scenarios of how tomorrow can go. She isn’t expecting to have at least twenty different scenarios, but it seems like there’s a pattern after each one she writes.

“Maybe this will work,” Lucy mumbles to herself.

She jolts in her spot when she receives a text from Natsu, much earlier than she would have liked to. A sense of panic slowly builds up inside of her every minute. Although she wants to run over to his apartment, she wants to disappear at the same time.

“I’ll bring dinner for us,” she texts him back.

With her plans for tomorrow imprinted in her mind, she gets ready to leave. She stops at a nearby convenience store, purchasing a few instant yakisoba bowls that Natsu snacked on last night. Because she was listening so intently to Grandeeny and Igneel, she didn’t get the chance to try them. She can definitely say it smelled delicious and hot. Just in case, she buys the non-spicy yakisoba for herself.

Lucy knocks on Natsu’s door as she arrives. Her eyes widen when Gray opens the door instead.

“Hi,” he says stiffly, stepping out of the way so she can come inside.

“Hey, Gray,” Lucy replies with a smile.

For some reason, she doesn’t feel as intimidated by him this time. By the expression on his face, he appears to be processing something else. However, what concerns Lucy most is Natsu’s expression.

“Is everything okay?” she asks curiously.

“We were just talking about some stuff.” He pauses, noticing how vague his words sound. “Gray took care of the cat while I was gone, so he was telling me about it.”

Although he sends her a gentle smile, there’s a glimpse of a frown on his lips.

“I’m going to head out now,” Gray states while putting on his shoes.

“You can stay,” Lucy assures him. “I brought over some instant yakisoba.”

“The same yakisoba I ate last night?” Natsu perks up. As Lucy takes out a bowl from the plastic bag, he cracks a grin.

“Sorry, Ice Princess, you can’t stay,” Natsu jumps up from the couch. “Those are just for me and her.”

“Ice Princess?” Lucy laughs out while watching him shove Gray out of the apartment. Once Gray is outside enough to be pushed out by closing the door, Natsu immediately reaches for one of the bowls.

“These are my favorite, Luce. Thanks for buying them.” He smoothly peels the sealed top and fills the bowl with water.

“Do you like them that much?” she asks with amusement as he eagerly pushes the microwave buttons.

“Imagine 16 year old me eating these every time I came back from school,” he responds. “Now imagine that in college, too.”

“College?” she repeats in disbelief. “What makes them so special?”

“They’re probably the spiciest noodles you can buy for a reasonable price,” he explains simply. “Igneel is the only other person I know that can finish a bowl.”

Lucy purses her lips skeptically. She can handle spicy food every once in a while, so she wonders if the yakisoba won’t be as aggressive as the label suggests. She takes a step closer to Natsu when he takes the bowl out of the microwave.

“Do you think you can handle it?” he smirks.

“Let me try,” she replies. Grabbing her pair of chopsticks, she picks up a few strands of noodles.

Her breath is immediately caught in her throat the second they land on her tongue. She coughs loudly, patting her chest at the sudden burn.

“I’ve never seen someone react like that!” Natsu howls out, placing a hand on the counter to hold himself up. “That was hilarious!”

“These are unnecessarily hot!” Lucy proclaims as she quickly swallows them. Her tongue is numb as she hastily pours a cup of milk. Even though they were only a few noodles, she feels as though she can breathe out fire from all the heat.

“They’re not meant for the average,” he remarks. Without a second thought, he slurps on an endless stream of noodles.

“Never again,” she shakes her head. “I’m going to stick with teriyaki.”  

It isn’t long until the couple are sitting at the dining table, enjoying their savory bowls. Natsu is in the midst of his second bowl when their cat joins them at the table.

“Have you given him a name yet?” Lucy asks.

“I haven’t,” he realizes aloud. “I’ve never had a pet before. What are some common names?”

“People like to name their pets after emotions,” she replies with a shrug

“How about Sleepy?” he suggests. “He likes to sleep a lot.”

“He doesn’t look like a Sleepy!” she protests, causing Natsu to frown. “Think deeper.”

Natsu gives out a thoughtful hum. His eyes light up when he has a suggestion. “How does Happy sound?”

“That sounds perfect,” Lucy grins. “He makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“I underestimated the power of a cat,” he admits. “When I go to sleep, he always likes to lie next to me.”

“Aw,” she giggles while reaching over to pet Happy behind the ears.

Tummies full, they comfortably sit back on the couch and flip through some TV channels. Although they have done this plenty of times, Lucy can’t help but feel bittersweet about it. Her chest aches knowing that this will be the last time they spend time together like this.

She glances at him, not being able to hold back her laugh. He lifts a curious brow.

“The yakisoba stained your lips,” she points out. “They’re bright red.”

“That’s when you know the noodles worked.” He smirks at her as he edges forward. “Maybe it’ll be like lipstick if I kiss you.”

“No way!” she exclaims.

She puts her hands out in front of her to prevent him from getting closer, but Natsu hovers over her enough to grasp her arms and hold them down. He leans down and goes for her neck, leaving a light trail of kisses.

Lucy doesn’t bother to resist—even if his lips leave a mark, they’re too addicting to fight back. She can feel the quick pulse in her neck match the pace of his kisses. If her arms weren’t pinned down, she would keep him there forever.

His hold becomes looser as he travels up her neck and to her lips. She slides out of his grip to bring her hands into his hair and gently twirl her fingers through his curls.

There is still a sense of heat on his lips; it’s just enough for her to taste it all. Despite this, their kisses feel fresher than ever. It’s as though their lips have familiarized enough to where they’re reminded of how sweet it is when together.

As their bodies feel to be sinking further into the couch, neither of them take it a step further. Lucy can’t bring herself to start a moment that will cause more long-term damage than temporary satisfaction.

Natsu, on the other hand, hums against her lips before slowly pulling away. She leans back to connect eyes with him. In that moment, as they gaze at each other with hooded eyelids, she is ready to tell him everything.

His breaths say that he wouldn’t get angry, his eyes say that he would understand, his lips say that everything will be okay.

“I have to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Lucy asks carefully.

They begin to shift on the couch, picking themselves up and sitting to face each other. As she takes in Natsu’s serious expression, she wonders if this was what Gray and him were talking about earlier before she interrupted. It couldn’t just be about Gray checking up on Happy, it must have been deeper than that.

“Would you ever move away from Magnolia?” Natsu asks abruptly.

Lucy pauses. “I might if I had a reason to.”

“What if I was your reason?”

She lets out a laugh to mask her surprise. “Why would you be leaving Magnolia?”

His expression doesn’t change. “I’m serious. What if we moved away from Magnolia together?”

The levelness of his voice is slightly intimidating, but she tries to ignore it. “Well, right now I don’t have a reason to,” she answers hesitantly. “But I’ll think about it if the time comes.”

“Okay, think about it,” he responds with a nod. “Just in case.”

“Okay.” She gives him a subtle smile, hoping that it hides the fact that stress is currently building up inside of her.

“I just really needed to get that off my chest,” he admits with a heavy sigh. “Thanks, Luce.”

“Y-You’re welcome,” she slightly stutters. “Any time.”

Now if only she could stay those words to herself. She doesn’t want Natsu to get his hopes up for her and their future together. She knows that he wouldn’t if she just came clean already, but she can’t form the words in her mouth.

“It doesn’t look like the yakisoba stained your lips,” he remarks.

“Maybe we should try again,” she suggests.

They don’t hesitate to lean forward and kiss again. In each other’s arms like this, neither of them would want to be anywhere else.

Meanwhile, Lucy ignores the fact that it’s already past midnight and her final hours with Natsu are dwindling by the second. This is the only temporary satisfaction she is willing to accept.

                                                 ——————–

As soon as Lucy wakes up the next morning, her body is on autopilot mode. She moves automatically, as though she has rehearsed every step she is going to make today.

The tenth day is finally here.

Whatever happens today, she is ready for it. But knowing that tonight has the potential of becoming a disaster, Lucy can hardly focus on her surroundings. She has to keep a continuous thought stream of self-encouragements or she is going fall apart.

However, the moment she enters her work building, she remembers her mission. Even though she doesn’t have a scheduled appointment, she walks straight into Erza’s office with a chin held high.

“Good morning, Lucy. How is everything?” Erza asks.

“I can’t do this article anymore,” Lucy states firmly.

Erza looks up from her desk, holding a poker face. “What did you say?”

There’s a brief moment of silence as Lucy tries to recollect her thoughts.

“The guy I met, I’ve gotten to know him really well, and—”

“Lucy,” Erza interrupts her sternly. “You are writing the article and that’s final. Your story is already going to be on the cover of the magazine.”

Lucy can’t even imagine how happy those words would have made her if she heard them a week ago. Now, they mean nothing to her.

“Erza, I can’t—”

“But you will. Because you’re a professional journalist, remember?”

Lucy swallows in defeat. All of the scenarios she practiced turned into a two minute, one-sided conversation.

“Yes… I guess I am a professional.”

“I expect the final draft tomorrow morning,” Erza instructs her.

Due to an incoming office call, Lucy has no choice but to leave. Although she doesn’t need to be at work today, she finds herself sinking into her desk chair.

“You don’t look so hot,” Cana says at the neighboring desk, examining her for a moment. “Wait, what happened to you?”

“A disaster,” Lucy mutters. She rubs her eyes, secretly wishing that when she opened them everything would be okay. “I’m going to come clean to Natsu about the article tonight.”

“What?” Cana blurts out incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“This isn’t fair for him,” Lucy sighs out. “He deserves to know what I did before the article gets published.”

“There’s a chance he may not even read the article,” Cana tries to convince her. “Lucy, I think you’re making a mistake.”

Cana’s words are enough for Lucy to feel sick. Right now, Cana is no different from Erza. Not being able to take it anymore, she stands up from her seat.

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Lucy tells her shortly before walking away.

She has only taken a step outside when she calls Levy. Impatience bubbles up inside of her after she is sent to voicemail. There is no way that she can be by herself right now, so she doesn’t hesitate to head towards the bakery.

“Levy!” Lucy nearly shouts as she enters the bakery.

Normally, Levy is standing at the front counter with a friendly smile. Today, however, there is no one at the counter.

“Levy?” Lucy asks, softer this time. “Is anyone here?”

She can’t fight her curiosity, allowing it to guide her footsteps. She slowly pushes the door to the back of the bakery while peeking her head in.

Lucy gasps as she catches Levy pressed against a wall, lips smashing against Gajeel’s. Lucy’s noise causes them to promptly jerk away from each other and look at her with wild eyes.

“L-Lu!” Levy squeaks, wiping a hand over her mouth. “What are you doing here?”

“Only employees are allowed in the back,” Gajeel says roughly. Although his voice is harsh, he appears just as flustered as Levy.

“There was no one here when I came,” Lucy counters.

“I was showing her the supplies we’re running out of,” Gajeel explains simply.

“Right,” Lucy replies with an exaggerated nod. “Well, I guess you showed her plenty.”

“Lucy!” Levy proclaims in disbelief. “Just go to the front. I’ll be out in a second.”

Lucy decides to follow her friend’s instruction, returning to the front of the bakery. She stands at the counter and waits for Levy to return. When she does, her darkened cheeks and swollen lips are obvious.

“Is it bad?” Levy whispers, viewing her reflection from the windows and fixing her hair.

“Your hair or making out with your boss while you’re working?” Lucy clarifies.

“Hey!” Levy gapes at her. “What’s up with you? You’re normally not that blunt.”

Lucy sighs while fixing her hair as well. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m not feeling too good right now.”

“Have you decided what you’re going to tell Natsu?” Levy asks.

“I’m going to tell him everything,” Lucy reveals with an uneven voice.

Levy gives her friend a sympathetic smile. “It’s going to be hard, but you can do it. I support you, alright?”

There’s a subtle sense of relief inside Lucy, which is enough for now. “Thanks. I tried talking to Erza about the article, but she’s forcing me to publish it.”

“She said you would be recognized for it, right?” Levy questions.

“The article is going to be on the front cover,” Lucy replies, although her voice clearly shows it doesn’t have the same value anymore.

“I’ll be here for you,” Levy assures her gently.

“Me too.” Gajeel joins Levy at the counter. “Who do I need to beat up for you, Lucy?”

Lucy’s phone buzzes with a text from Natsu. She opens it to a picture of the suit he’ll be wearing tonight. With another heavy sigh, she puts her phone back into her pocket.

“It’s me, Gajeel,” Lucy mutters while turning to leave the bakery. “You’re going to have to beat me up.”

Hearing Levy speak out multiple encouragements for tonight, Lucy goes back to her apartment to get dressed for tonight. She isn’t sure how to prepare for a disaster that is predicted to be an entire catastrophe, but the only way to find out is by just going for it.

After getting dressed, there is nothing Lucy has dread more than going to Natsu’s apartment. Her heart skips a beat each time she tries to think of the apologies she wants to tell him. To avoid a heart attack, she decides she is going to wing it.

At the same time, everything hurts.

From the shoes she puts on, because of how her heart will be after all of this, and arriving to Natsu’s apartment building—everything just hurts.

Lucy grips onto the illegally copied key to his apartment as she stands in front of the door. The key is the last item she has of him. Once she gives it back, she truly has no reason to see him again.

Lucy takes several deep breaths to brace herself. There’s no way she will ever feel ready, so she forces herself to insert the key and unlock the door. She quietly opens it, hearing Gray’s voice inside.

“But you did it! I’m so proud of you for finishing the bet. I’ve already shared your name with some of my coworkers.”

Lucy’s body is frozen at his words. Instantly, everything starts connecting in her mind. Natsu wasn’t committed to the relationship—he was committed to a bet.

Outraged is an understatement. Lucy is furious. She clenches her jaw, debating whether it’d be a smart decision to barge inside and demand for answers. But the aching in her chest is too much to ignore. Dropping the key on the floor, she slams the door.

Natsu and Gray jump at the sudden noise. They look at one another as they realize what just happened.

“Natsu, I’m so sorry—”

Natsu doesn’t bother to let Gray finish as he immediately darts out of his apartment. He finds Lucy storming away and pressing the button to the elevator.

“Lucy, hold on,” he tells her.

She whips around, not missing a beat. “You used me so you could get your name spread?”

“You drove me insane for your magazine?” Natsu shoots back.

They stand there for a few moments, both fuming. As they try to recollect their thoughts, they recognize how much they’ve equally blighted each other.

“Gray told you,” Lucy says plainly.

“Yeah, and how I was just some ten-day experiment.”

“And I’m just some girl you picked at random?”

“That doesn’t even compare,” Natsu argues sharply. “I was someone you tested your theories on. Was that why you agreed to meet my grandparents? Was this all just some fantasy story for you?”

Lucy blankly stares at him, knowing that he is aware of how much pain those words could inflict. And how they did.

“Well,” she begins, pressing the elevator button again. “Some kind of friend you have who knew both of our intentions.”

“What are you talking about?” he demands.

“Gray knew everything since the second day. Ask him about it, if it even matters to you.”

The elevator slides open. Lucy steps inside and presses her back against the wall. As they connect eyes, her heart splits into two uneven pieces. She could have never prepared to see the hurt expression on his face.

“Congrats,” Natsu begins while the elevator closes. “Now you know how to lose a guy in ten days.”

Natsu stares at the closed doors, tearing his eyes away before he sees his reflection. He wipes his damp hands across his pants as he returns to his apartment. There, he finds Gray pacing across the living room. Gray turns to him with frantic eyes.

“You knew,” Natsu accuses him before he can say anything. “How long did you know Lucy was using me?”

“I was going to tell you—”

“Did you just want to see me suffer? Did you enjoy seeing me get taken advantage of?”

“That wasn’t my intention, let me—”

“Just go.” Natsu tells him firmly while rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. “I can’t talk to you right now. Give me space.”

Natsu doesn’t watch Gray leave the apartment. Instead, he focuses on holding Happy in his lap as they fall onto the couch.

Natsu’s thoughts are an endless carousel as he connects the pieces to why Lucy was so exhausting throughout their time together. Although that doesn’t explain to him her abrupt shift at his grandparents’ house, he can’t believe that both of them sabotaged each other enough to cause all of this pain towards each other.

“Were you a part of the plan, too?” Natsu mumbles.

Happy meows in response, which brings him to give out a heavy sigh. Everything happened so fast, his body is just now catching up.

And everything just hurts.

[script-a-world]

I want to create a world with new lifeforms in another universe. It doesn't have the elements we know so I'm also rebuilding the entire periodic table with my knowledge from Higher Level IB chemistry, but I think I dug myself into a hole here on how to then actually build on elemental properties and create things. I feel I'm doing a lot better creating conlangs on knowledge from a 16 hours linguistics interest course that counts for nothing academically.

Miri: You might be focusing too much on the hard science, to the detriment of your progress. Is there a reason you need to know the details to this extreme level? If it doesn’t come up in your story, you might not need to worry about it. Scientists know don’t know every thing about how every life form is made up. We’re still finding new things about ourselves.

Tex: You did indeed dig yourself into a hole. Unfortunately, thinking up new elements is not as simple as looking at a periodic table and throwing some ideas at it - for one, you've started several steps too far. A periodic table can only be created if the elements exist, and in order for elements to exist you need to know what makes elements - they're created from stellar nucleosynthesis, which means you need to take a look at physical cosmology , astronomy, astrophysics, planetary geology, and stars.

Light elements are formed from stars, and heavy elements are formed from supernovae, via neutron capture reactions ( http://curious.astro.cornell.edu/about-us/84-the-universe/stars-and-star-clusters/nuclear-burning/402-how-are-light-and-heavy-elements-formed-advanced  and  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neutron_capture  ). If you look at the periodic table, you can see the pattern of atoms that may share the same amount of protons, but not the same amount of neutrons - this is where that difference comes from.

It sounds incredibly counter-intuitive - I know how well chemists and physicists enjoy posturing and claiming their view of the world is better - but in this, physics is your friend and will help you understand chemistry. Elements created from stellar nucleosynthesis are pretty set - 1+1, 2+1, so on and so forth, and only go up to a certain element, wherein supernovae take over for the higher-level elements. Most of the periodic table is going to carry over because of the nucleosynthesis, and it's the supernovae where you'll be best able to play around with new element formations. Chaos theory will reign supreme from that point, and you're going to be dealing with a lot of nonlinear complexity in order to create these new elements in such a way that they will harmonize with the rest of the periodic table in an ostensibly simple manner.

If you're feeling up for some legwork, you could feasibly create some formula to figure out the neutron-electron ratios for the heavier elements, which I imagine some teachers might be super excited to help you with (if you can't go to the ones in your school, a local university is also possible, as is NASA's "Ask a Scientist" and the Science & Entertainment Exchange.

Further Reading 

Quantum Chemistry - Wikipedia 

Wikipedia portals - Natural and physical sciences 

In A Quantum Universe, Even Mass Is Uncertain 

Fibonacci Numbers and the Golden Ratio in Biology, Physics, Astrophysics, Chemistry and Technology: A Non-Exhaustive Review by Vladimir Pletser (PDF)

Feral:    The level of worldbuilding you're attempting is pretty daunting, so I am not at all surprised you're feeling stuck. I honestly can't think of any examples of worldbuilding that is quite as ambitious. Maybe take a step back and ask yourself what you really need to know to write your story and also understand that you might need more than high school (even an IB program) could provide you with.

I can definitely see how the properties of the elements you're creating (once you follow all of Tex's lovely steps) would change how life evolves and therefore how your characters would look and live, so that's what I would focus on. 

I recommend looking at theoretical non-carbon lifeforms for inspiration. Silicon-based lifeforms are of course the most discussed. SciShow breaks down what this would be like nicely [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQCrrPohyts ]. Wikipedia is also a great jumping off point for other potential elements that life could evolve from and has an extensive bibliography. 

Remember that immersive worldbuilding doesn't necessarily require that you actually know the entire universe down to a atomic level. It's about whether or not you can experience the world as we experience our world. 

Saphira:   It sounds to me like you took something that thrilled you and wanted to replicate it, as a base for a world that was utterly and phenomenally new. That is a good feeling, and a good thought! As others have said, it seems you have taken on Titans with a Stick. Is it possible? You bet your bottom dollar. It would take a lot of work and first and foremost, a lot of organized project planning, but yes it can be done. 

Feral wanted you to ask yourself why dig yourself so deep into an aspect? I have a couple of guesses.   

My first guess is that you want to share your enthusiasm for the potential of the sciences- the periodic table in particular. You find it exciting and baffling, and those around you seem... Passive. You are working with your own table because the idea of showing others how important and awesome the elements are is within grasp. Just... Not as close as you thought.

Thought B? You wanted to build a world that is fundamentally different from ours. You wanted to show that the elements themselves create a whole other experience, a whole new world to explore.

If these are true, I have a couple of suggestions. For the first, don't drive yourself nuts over the whole table. You might want to make a few new elements and a scientist who discovers them. Use familiar elements as a bridge our understanding, and the scientist's enthusiasm, their attempts to explain to their loved ones (and readers!) the gravity of the discovery. Remember, even if you are working with HS Level of Science, HS is a genuine hellhole. People repress the heck out of it and straight up  forget the rest.

If it is the latter, then don't focus on the Table first. Focus on the table later. To create a unique experience, think of a handful of really cool, super surreal ways a planet could work. Look at Jupiter! All gas! Still has storms! What the hell. What was it, Uranus that straight up rains diamonds?? When creating a new world, your options are all over the place. I haven't even mentioned fantasy. Think about the experience first. Think about what your reads will see, and your characters will inevitably suffer. Once you have a feel for your world, a concept, then you can design the elements that make up these experiences. 

Take a deep breath. You have a super cool concept. You also gave yourself an entire library's worth of work to do. Step back, make the big picture, then work the details. 

[emma-nation]

For You - Bloodbound AU (Chapter 1)

Summary: Takes place after Book 1. Before Gaius’ return the gang must face a dangerous new enemy, a powerful vampire hunter who is thirsty for their blood.

Pairings: KamilahxMC

Genre: Angst/Adventure/Romance

Rating: T - Warning for violence and language

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2)

Author’s Notes:

- English is my second language, please forgive me for any mistakes. - My apologies if Priya sounds too OOC. Writing her was the most difficult part for me.

- Hope you enjoy it, your reviews and likes are always appreciated.

- Updated 04/11/2020: Fixed some spelling mistakes

Amy

The magazine said "when you move in together, you'll get to know your partner deepest secrets". Not for Amy. Still laying in bed, she sighed in frustration. She had been dating Kamilah for three months. At first, they barely saw each other. Kamilah had no time. She missed most of their dates and rarely answered phone calls, until the day Amy decided to end their relationship. Kamilah promised she'd try to work less and asked her to move in to her penthouse, it was the only possible way they could spend more time together. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" Amy asked. "Yes," Kamilah said, "I don't wanna lose you." Two weeks had passed since this decision and Amy still didn't know a thing about the woman sleeping next to her. She needed to be patient. It takes time to build trust. Kamilah was different from everyone else she had dated. But damn, she was definitely worth it. Kamilah was usually the one to wake up first. However, after a difficult night, she was still asleep that morning. The only thing Amy had learned about Kamilah so far was that she struggled with nightmares. Terrifying memories would haunt her in her sleep and she'd often wake up, panting and shaking. She'd never tell Amy what she dreamed about. "I can't remember," she lied everytime. Amy noticed a pattern. Sometimes she'd mutter words in an unknown language and she assumed she was dreaming about her brother, Lysimachus, and her mortal life in the Ancient Egypt. But sometimes she'd say his name. Gaius. And that's when she truly seemed terrorized. Until now Kamilah hadn't told her much about her deceased brother or her maker. Everytime Amy mentioned either of them, Kamilah would look away and get silent, until she changed the subject. She decided to respect her girlfriend's choice. Amy was preparing the breakfast when she felt Kamilah's arms around her. Her touch was protective, but soft. It sent eletric impulses through all her body. "You weren't in bed when I woke up," Kamilah complained. "Good morning to you too, Kamilah." Amy turned around and pressed her lips on her girlfriend's. "Are these pancakes for me?" Kamilah asked, looking at the table where Amy had placed a plate of pancakes. "No, these are mine. Yours are almost ready." Amy placed another plate with a small pile of pancakes in front of her. With strawberry jam, she had drawn a smiley face on them. "Why did you draw a smiley face on my pancakes?" "To make your day happier," Amy joked. "Wait, there's one detail missing." She added fangs to the smiley face. Kamilah rolled her eyes, trying to hide a smile. Amy giggled and sat on the chair next to hers. She observed Kamilah in silence for a minute before clearing her throat. "So..." she took a bite of her breakfast. "You had nightmares again last night." "I did?" Kamilah answered after some hesitation. "Yes and you didn't spoke Egyptian this time. You said his name." "Whose name?" "Gaius." "I can't remember, sorry." Kamilah looked away, avoiding eye contact with Amy. "What happened to Gaius, Kamilah?" Amy insisted. Kamilah didn't answer. "Is Gaius still alive?" "Would you please stop asking about him, Amy?" "Why?!" Amy confronted. "I don't understand why you and Adrian have to be so secretive about your past and... this guy!" When she looked at Kamilah, she was tense. She pushed the plate away, indicating she didn't feel like eating anymore. "I'm sorry," Amy apologized. "I said I wouldn't pressure you and..."

Kamilah closed her eyes and sighed, trying to recompose herself.

"No. I understand you have a lot of questions regarding my past, Amy. I'll tell you everything when the time comes. I promise." Amy smiled and placed her hand on top of hers. "I suck," she thought. Everytime Kamilah seemed to be finally feeling comfortable around her, she did something to ruin it. And there was still another question she wanted to ask. "Kamilah," she announced. "Can I ask you something else?" "Here we go." "You're not going to work until late hours tonight, right?" "I don't think so. Why?" "Lily got some tickets for this concert and I really wanted to go. With you." "Oh." "I know you hate crowded places, loud music... it's okay if you don't want to go, we can go somewhere else." "I'm going with you." "Really?!" Kamilah nodded in agreement.

”Thank you!” Amy sat on her lap and kissed her passionately. She felt Kamilah's hand going under her shirt, her fingers caressing her back. while she softly bit her lower lip. "Oh my god," Amy attempted to pull away, "I'm going to be late for work again." Kamilah held her by the waist, preventing her from getting up. "When are you going to start working for me, huh?" She whispered in Amy's ear. "I'm going to talk to Adrian, just give me a few days. Besides, I don't think it's a good idea... I could distract you." "You wouldn't." "Really?" Amy teased. "Not even if I do this?" She placed another kiss on Kamilah's lips. "Or this?" She kissed the way down to her neck. Kamilah's cell phone started ringing. She extended her hand to grab it. "No," she told Amy, smiling playfully and answering the call. Amy gave her some privacy, from the bedroom she still could hear the conversation. "Adrian, hi..." Kamilah said. "What?! Are you sure?!" Problems in The Council, Amy imagined. Kamilah wouldn't admit it, but she was worried about The Baron trying to get a revenge against her. Sometimes she'd act even a little overprotective. "Okay Adrian," Kamilah finished. "I'll be there tonight." Tonight. Did it mean Kamilah was going to cancel their plans again? "Amy?" Kamilah entered the room. "I'm sorry but..." "That's okay, Kamilah. I heard it." Kamilah sat next to her on bed, noticing her disappointment. "We can go out tomorrow." "Yeah... What was it about anyways?" "Priya requested an emergency meeting tonight." "Who?!" Amy asked suprised. "Knowing her, it's hard to believe it's something serious." "I know, she probably killed someone accidentally again." Amy got up, heading to the bathroom with an upset look on her face. "Maybe she did." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kamilah

The nightmares about Gaius returning were not most frightening part of Kamilah's night, but what came minutes later. After drinking some water, she came back to bed and when she was about to fall asleep, Amy wrapped her arm around her waist and whispered: "I love you." Maybe they were going too fast. Kamilah had no idea how modern relationships worked, she was still trying to figure out. Amy changed her world completely. She had to deal with things she'd never accept for anybody else. Her penthouse was a complete mess, with Amy's clothes and belongings spread everywhere. She also had to deal with video game nights with Lily and Amy long showers. She found a solution for the second issue, if Amy was taking too long all she had to do was to join her. The showers would get even longer but... enjoyable. Kamilah smiled. She had no right to complain. Amy tolerated her usual negativity and her busy schedule. She accepted her decision of not talking about her past and the fact they couldn't go out in the sunlight. Above anything, she was willing do anything to make Kamilah happy. Love demands hope and a letting go of the self. Amy's feelings were true but, were they mutual? Kamilah had never felt something so intense before. She wondered if that was how love really felt like. She wasn't sure yet. She looked at the clock. It was almost time for the Council meeting. When she arrived at Raines Corporation she ran her eyes across the empty lobby, looking for signs of Amy. She wanted to apologize for not being able to attend the concert but she was already gone. "Looking for your human pet?" The Baron spoke, before entering Adrian's conference room. Kamilah scowled at him. "I'd like to see if she'd act so tough without you or Adrian around." "If you dare to touch her I'm going to kill you in the most painful way I can think of." "Maybe you should put her on a leash then," he laughed sarcastically. Kamilah clenched her fists and her eyes turned red. "Ignore it," Adrian appeared by her side. "He's only trying to get into you." "Bastard." Before the meeting started Kamilah texted Amy, asking her to return her calls as soon as possible. Priya was the last one to arrive. Poorly dressed, she had bags under her eyes and a scarf around her neck, intended to hide something. The other Council members exchanged glances, looking for an answer. "Shall we start?" Kamilah asked. Priya nodded in confirmation. "You requested an emergency meeting, so I assume it's important." "Indeed," Priya removed the scarf around her neck to reveal a bite mark. "Take a look at this!" "Please, explain," Kamilah ordered, not taking her seriously. "There was this VIP event in Amsterdam and mama thought she had found a new boy toy for her collection... He was compelling, sexy, delicious... different from all the others. Oh and he was kinky! Very kinky!" "Do we really need to hear that?" Jax complained. "Proceed," Lester demanded. "We need details." Kamilah gave him a look of disapproval. "It was all going well... and hot..." Priya continued. "Until he sank his fangs into my neck!" "Okay, he was a vampire too," Adrian concluded. Kamilah rolled her eyes. "He drained my blood. Twice! Then he tortured me in so many different ways and..." "So you requested an emergency meeting to talk about some kinky vampire?" Kamilah interrogated, ironically. "He's a vampire hunter, Kamilah!" Priya shouted. "He kills vampires after feeding from them." "Well, you're still alive." "Yes, he let me live but... we kinda made a deal. This is why I requested this meeting." "What was the deal?" "He wanted to know Gaius' whereabouts." "Don't tell me you..." Kamilah said. "He was going to kill me!" "Do you have any idea of what you did?! You've put all our lives..." Adrian placed a hand on Kamilah's shoulder, trying to calm her down. "I'll check the sarcophagus. Maybe this vampire hunter is not even in New York yet." "He also said he's coming after all of us," Priya added. "I didn't give him your names but..." "Let him come," The Baron punched the table. "I'm going to get out here. I have something else to do..." He looked straight at Kamilah, with a devilish smirk on his face. "It has been three days and this bite hasn't healed," Priya cried. "I think I'm turning into a feral." "Let me check," Kamilah approached her. The bite looked nasty, in fact. She pricked her finger tip and pressed her blood against the wound. For some reason, it started to look worse. "What are you doing?!" Priya screamed. "Stop! Stop! It burns." "What?!" Kamilah shared a concerned look with Adrian, who came closer to examine the mark. "I haven't seen anything like this before," he said. "Priya, come to Raines Laboratories tomorrow to have this injury checked." After ending the meeting, Kamilah tried to call Amy again. It went straight to her voicemail. "Go after her," Adrian suggested. "I can go to the library myself." "Are you sure?" Adrian nodded nervously. "If you need me..." "I know," he smiled to Kamilah in response. "Do you think she was serious?" Jax asked outside Adrian's building. "Maybe," Kamilah answered. "But I've deal with Vampire Hunters before, pup. There's nothing to worry about." "Are you sure? Because you look worried. Is it about Gaius?" "No, I'm worried about Amy." "I heard The Baron's threats. Do you know where she is?" "She was supposed to be at some concert tonight. But she's not answering my calls." "I think I know where it is, I'll give you the directions." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amy

Amy was at the concert but her mind was somewhere else. She wouldn't stop thinking about Kamilah and how much she wanted her to be there. She couldn't force herself to enjoy the music, all she wanted was to have her girlfriend around and assure her she was okay with her late night meetings. She needed to apologize for being so selfish earlier. She reached for her phone inside her pocket, there was a lot of texts and missed calls from Kamilah. Something serious must have happened at the meeting. She had a bad feeling about that. "Lily? I'm going outside," Amy told. "What?" Lily asked, barely listening. "Kamilah is calling me." "Come on, Amy. Can't you just enjoy a night with your best friend?" "It must be important." Outside, Amy tried to call Kamilah back but her phone had no signal. "Please..." she insisted, attempting to dial once more. "Come on..." She was typing a text when she heard a male voice. A handsome black-haired man was coming in her direction. "Kate!" The male hugged her. "Were you waiting for me, baby?" Amy widened her eyes in surprise. "First, I'm not Kate," Amy whispered in his ear. "Second, take your hands off me right now or I'm going to scream." "That would be a shame, girl. Because you'd attract the attention of those two thugs across the street. They were coming for you, while you were too distracted texting your boyfriend." "Oh," Amy turned her head. She easily recognized the men from The Shrike. They worked for The Baron. She needed to take a better look to tell Kamilah later. Reluctantly, she hugged the male figure back. As soon as her hands touched him, her head started to spin. She felt she was being pulled into one of those visions. She was about to see a small part of his past when... "What are you doing?" She could hear his voice, inside her mind. "Get back." She opened her eyes and pulled away from him. "W-what..." He smirked. "So, do you recognize those men?" "Yeah, they work for The Baron," Amy answered, still lightheaded from the vision, without realizing what she had just said. "Who's The Baron?" "Uhhh... no one. I'm just..." She started to walk away. "Okay. Go back inside," he said. "You'll be safe." "Wait... What's your..." When Amy turned around he had vanished. "Weird." Inside the concert venue, she dragged Lily to the bar and told her everything that had happened. "Do you think he was a vampire?" "I don't know. He definitely wasn't human." "And he was handsome?" "Handsome and well-dressed." "Kamilah will be so happy when she finds out some hot guy saved you..." "Lily! I could've died." They both laughed. Amy looked nervously at her cellphone screen, waiting for signal. From the stage, the band singer announced: "The next song is dedicated to Ms..." he unfolded a small piece of paper, "Amy Parker." "Wait. It's you!" Lily exclaimed. "Who do you think..." Amy opened a broad smile and before she had any time to answer, she noticed Kamilah was standing behind her. She ran straight to her arms and kissed her deeply. "I was so worried about you, Kamilah. I tried to call you so many times... oh my god, you have no idea of what just happened..." "Slow down, little firefly," Kamilah smiled. "One thing at once." "Let's go home, I..." "I thought you wanted to enjoy the concert. Together." "Sure, it can wait." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ??????

"Dinner is served," he thought while observing the two vampires outside the concert venue. They were alone. That was the perfect opportunity to strike. But then, he noticed... a girl across the street. The vampire thugs were focused on her, they made comments about the things they intend to do with her... He clenched his fists in pure anger.

Despite not having any humanity left inside him, he felt an urge to protect her. He didn't hate mortals. Vampires were the intruders in their world, and therefore, the only race that should be exterminated.

After she was back to the venue, he had a feast. He could have shown those men the worst side of him. What they had planned for the girl, he could do so much worse. But he wasn't in the mood that night, something in New York City brought him a feeling of nostalgia and sorrow. He simply fed and cut their heads off with his sharp, glistening daggers. At the concert he was finally able to socialize. Play his best role of newly turned vampire, lost in the Big City. He met another male vampire who was willing to offer all the support he needed. "Of couse, man. Come with me to the Shadow Den, I'm pretty sure Jax will accept you as part of Clan Matsuo." He grinned. "This is about to get really interesting."

[fck-dis-shit-im-out]

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[tb5-heavenward]

talented amateurs - deleted scene

this is not a chapter of TA so much as it is something that was GOING to be a chapter of TA, but i just wasn’t feeling it. It’s not BAD, it’s just...ehhhhh. It meanders a lot and its narratively dense and it doesn’t end well. It can be taken to be sort of nebulously semi-canon to the story itself, but it wastes a lot of words to say very little and doesn’t quite do what I want it to and so it won’t be included. I feel bad about how slow I’ve been lately, though it’s not for lack of trying, just for lack of time and energy and a sort of mire of challenging personal circumstances. Nothing’s wrong, just having a rough month.

Anyway! here’s about 4k of something that won’t be published elsewhere, concerning Gordon and introducing Alan into the story, although when that happens properly it’ll probably happen in a different way. Sorry for the wait, and hopefully I can get myself back on track again soon. thanks for reading and thanks for your patience with me <3

There are worse places to spend twelve hours of his life than in the Azores, even if it is the rainy season. And even if the rainy season has resulted in flooding and mudslides throughout the archipelago, and has Gordon and Alan hopping from island to island, figuratively putting out fires, and literally helping to manage the damage done by all of the aforementioned flooding and mudslides. So far they've evacuated a handful of assorted small villages, helped dig channels to reroute inland flooding, and reinforced a few dozen miles worth of levees (from the French levée , itself from the feminine past participle of the verb lever, "to raise") along a few dozen miles worth of rivers.

Of course, there are better places he could've spent the past twelve hours of his life, and Gordon's especially conscious of the fact that he's only about an hour's flight away from Penelope. When his mind wanders, as it's wont to do when he's bored and shoving dirt around to build dikes, lately it wanders back to Creighton-Ward Manor, the master bedroom at the end of a long hallway and the shift of a paradigm that had happened therein. With rain pounding relentlessly on the exterior of his little yellow pod, in the muggy darkness of a thunderstorm in the middle of the day, with saltwater and mud permeating everything---Gordon's thinking back to the way the earliest morning sunlight had filled Penelope's bedroom, all white and gold and satiny softness, and the scent of lilac on every breath.

It's hard to believe that she's only about an hour's flight away. And not even at top speed---if he really punched it, if he pushed all the way up to even TB2's poky-slow Mach 6, he could be there in a bare twenty minutes.

Admittedly Gordon's sense of distance has been skewed by the work they do and the way they do it, because actually it's a whole 1500 miles. There are entire climates in between him and Penelope, but he's still daydreaming about the twenty minutes it would take for him to get to her doorstep. He could just show up. He's sweaty and tired and he's got mud in places that mud shouldn't logically have been able to get to---but in twenty minutes, he could just be there. With her.

---And Thunderbird 2, and his obnoxious little brother, and with the Azores still slowly being rained into the ocean at his back, and with no actual guarantee that Penelope's even at Creighton-Ward Manor, and not off in Milan or Tokyo or Belarus, because he hasn't managed to keep track of what her plans were for the week, because in the two weeks since he'd had to leave her alone in Paris, they've only spoken twice, and he only remembers the first time, because he'd pretty much passed out in the middle of the second.

He hasn't even managed a spare moment to call and apologize for that. It's just another reason he wants to drop everything, leave the Azores behind, and fly his ass to England. It's really not that far.

But it's a moot point, because any distance is insurmountable when there are people who need him. So he stays on the ground, in a mole pod in the Azores, because people need him.

It's nice to be needed. Showing up to a place and being essential to the continued survival of the people who've been waiting for him has always provided something of a rush, something he'd grown to crave over the course of his family's existence as International Rescue. But lately Gordon's starting to think that on the whole he might prefer being wanted.

Knowing that Penelope wants him is a whole other kind of thrill. She'd said it in French, when she'd said it, but she'd still said it, and in his head he keeps hearing it, imagining her voice all soft and sultry and sincere. It's hard to believe that the way he feels about her began as an idle crush, all those years ago, when these days his feelings for her seem to consume his every idle moment, not to mention all the not-idle moments, when he's really supposed to be paying more attention to the circumstances at hand. It's been hard as hell not to be able to talk to Penelope. It makes it very difficult to concentrate on building dikes in the Azores. It makes him wish he at least had someone he could really talk to about her.

But Virgil's at home on Tracy Island, probably lounging poolside, on a deck chair with his broken leg propped up, recuperating. In Gordon's head, his big brother is nibbling on bunches of dewy grapes and sipping champagne, while MAX waits on him hand and foot, as the rest of the family toils in their usual heroic obscurity.

So it's Alan who's flying TB2, keeping her steady and level in the rough skies that go with the rough weather and rough seas in their current rough situation. And in his big brother's absence, Gordon's had to settle for melancholy rambling at his little brother about just how much he misses the love of his life. Pines for her. Aches for her. And all sorts of other tormented emotions that Alan probably doesn't understand, because when it comes to affairs of the heart, at least as far as Gordon can tell, Alan has the emotional range of a turnip.

He's definitely not as good a listener as TB2's usual pilot, and has answered Gordon's heartfelt lament with nothing better than "mmhms" and "uh huhs" and the occasional "oh yeah, really?"

That is, until he finally stirs himself to break the pattern.

"So if you love her so much, why haven't you told Scott yet?"

He's also a little blunt, for Gordon's tastes. The last vestiges of sullen teenagerhood cling to Alan like cottony down on a baby chick, and in the weeks leading up to his twentieth birthday, he seems determined to pull out all the stops. One last sulky hurrah before he's officially in his twenties and fully expected to smarten up and act his age. He's being more of a brat than usual, which is notable, because he's not usually a brat at all.

To be fair, Alan's always been well aware of his position as the baby of the family, and it's always suited him just fine. He leans into it more than a little bit. It helps that he still looks like a twelve-year-old. Ever since his little brother was born, Gordon's been of the opinion that it was a good thing that Alan came along when he did, because he makes a much better baby of the family than Gordon ever would have. In Gordon's head, his baby brother is eternally caught at nine years old, with his big blue eyes and his freckles and his perpetual baby-face. And his blunt, tactless questions.

Despite the fact that he's younger by an entire five years, Alan's a good pilot---probably the best in the family---and he handles TB2 as well as anyone else; as well or better than Gordon does, even. And he's even a decent co-pilot, which is another skillset entirely. As far as everything else---well. Virgil wouldn't need to ask why Gordon hasn't told Scott about Penelope yet. Virgil would just get it.

But Virgil's back home on Tracy Island, and MAX is feeding him grapes and topping up his champagne glass and probably fanning him with a palm leaf, not that palm trees are actually native to Tracy Island, or that Gordon's even sure offhand if MAX has that many arms.

"Because," Gordon answers, in the manner of elder brothers since time immemorial, and means that to be the extent of the answer.

"Because why?" Alan asks back, the other half of the ritual as observed by little brothers. A little brother three times over himself, Gordon probably should've seen that one coming, but it stymies him all the same.

Rain continues to pound on the outside of his pod as Gordon fails to find an answer. It's dry inside, but it doesn't feel like it, because it's also swelteringly hot and he's sweating beneath his uniform, almost fogging up his helmet. It's only midday, but with the weather raging outside, it's too dark to see too far in front of his pod, so Gordon's been relying on a holographic rendering of the surrounding terrain, helpfully provided by TB2's scanners, as the ship hovers overhead, monitoring his dike-building progress. They're nearly done here. Despite all evidence to the contrary, apparently the storm is finally starting to slacken off. Soon it'll be back home to the island, just in time to catch just enough sleep before something else, somewhere else, goes terribly, tremendously wrong.

"You can say it's 'cuz you're chicken," Alan tells him, in the annoyingly smug fashion of a teenager who thinks he knows what he's talking about.

Gordon bristles and revs the pods engines a little harder than they need to be revved, so that he buries the leading edge of the bulldozer blade in a mound of thick, tenacious clay and gets a little bit stuck. "I don't care what Scott thinks."

"Still haven't told him, though," Alan points out, as though he knows the first damn thing about anything at all.

"There hasn't been a good time for it," Gordon counters, terse, and smothering his own internal guilt about the fact that he hasn't made an effort to seek out his eldest brother and sit him down, to tell him the truth and just get it over with. He keeps putting it off. Other things always seem more important, because in their line of work, the other things are usually other people's lives. That's as good an excuse as any. "Hell, there just hasn't been any time, good or otherwise. We're a man down, Al. We're all busting ass trying to cover for Virgil. We're so busy that you're flying the big green bathtub. We're so busy that John actually needs to be useful. I've barely even Scott in like a week---if he's not flying, he's sleeping. Same with me. I'll tell him when things are less batshit crazy."

Alan ignores this perfectly rational explanation and Gordon attempts to change gears and get his stupid pod unstuck from the riverbank. The engine revs impotently against stubborn, sodden clay, as his little brother continues to press the point. "Is it 'cuz you think he'll be mad?"

Gordon doesn't actually know. Truth be told---though he's not actually about to tell this particular truth to Alan or even to Virgil---inwardly, he's still reeling from what Penelope had told him. Weeks ago, now. About Scott. And her. And her and Scott. And the fact that Penelope and Scott had ever been even a remote possibility, because the very thought of the two of them makes him feel a muddled up mess of emotions that he doesn't entirely know how to process. Nausea, if nausea counts as an emotion, though that might be down to the fact that he secretly gets a little carsick in pods, sometimes. Jealousy, but in retrospect, of something long since past that had never happened anyway, so there's nothing to actually be jealous of. Bafflement that anyone in the world---even his eldest brother---could ever have taken only an idle interest in Penelope and then not been completely devastated by her rejection.

And a deep, resonant fear that the reasons she'd turned Scott down in the first place, all those years ago, are the same reasons why their own nascent attempt at a relationship might not work out in the end.

But he doesn't like to think about any of that for too long, and especially not while he's operating a motor vehicle, and so he fends Alan's question off with the judicious application of false bravado. "Don't care if he would be. I'll tell him when I'm good and ready. It's none of his business anyway."

"It's a little bit his business if it's an IR thing."

"Yeah, well, it's not."

Alan persists, "It kind of is, though. Since it's Lady P, and all."

"We both have lives outside of International Rescue, Allie."

Gordon's taken aim at lofty disdain, reinforced with the condescending use of his little brother's nickname. His little brother just laughs at him. "Well, she might. You sure don't."

On the ground, in a pod, while Alan watches overhead from TB2, there's not much Gordon can do in retaliation for the way he's being picked on, but he makes a mental note to smack his brother solidly in the back of the head once he's back in the cockpit. As it stands, he grinds his back teeth together and changes gears again, switching back and forth between forward and reverse, rather aggressively along the edge of the riverbank. He's fixing to give his brother a proper piece of his mind, when Alan comes at him out of the blue with a question he hasn't anticipated---

"If you and her get married, d'you think you're gonna quit IR?"

This is not where Gordon had thought the conversation was going, and it's a surprising enough question that he guns his engine a little too hard, in the act of getting himself unstuck from the riverbank. The pod's treads come free all at once, and the thick mud that had gummed up the whole works suddenly grows slick and untrustworthy, and the pod goes plunging over the top edge of a freshly reinforced levee, to land squarely in the river. This is deep, swollen right up to its banks with rainwater, but despite how damp and filthy Gordon feels, the pod is completely watertight, even as it as the nose of it finds the bottom of the riverbed, the whole vehicle upended about fifteen degrees shy of vertical. He's jolted against the restraints, sudden and uncomfortable against his collarbone, but not as sudden or uncomfortable as his little brother's question. He'd thought it had been dark before. Dropped below the level of the water, it's pitch black outside the pod, and the inside is only illuminated by the pod's protesting systems, which are blaring all manner of alarms and alerts about the current situation.

"...Fuck, Alan!" he explodes at his little brother, temper finally bubbling up from below the surface. "Lookit what you---"

"Hey, this one's all on you, bro." There's an unbearably smug note in Alan's tone, because he's not wrong. Goddamn brat. When he gets back aboard, Gordon's just gonna throttle his little brother. Overhead, TB2 will be lowering itself into position, preparing to drop a cable and haul him and his stupid pod out of the river. "Should've been paying more attention."

"Yeah, well, what the hell is with the fucking third degree about me and Penny! Jesus!"

In lieu of an answer, predictably, there's the solid, ringing impact of a magnetic clamp being fired at the exposed back end of Pod-A, upended in the middle of the Ribeira Grande with Gordon fuming inside of it, angry about the situation and deeply annoyed with his baby brother for needling at him.

"What the hell d'you even care, anyway?" he snarls, still irritated. There's another jolt of his shoulders against his harness as TB2's not-inconsiderable lifting power starts to haul him out of the river. "I don't know why I thought I could talk to you."

"Kinda doesn't seem like it matters what I care about, when you whine about her for an hour straight." The pod splashes upward out of the river, but Alan doesn't set him back down on the banks. Instead he continues to pull the pod upward into into the belly of TB2's cargo bay. "We're done here, by the way," he adds, cheerfully. "We've been done for about twenty minutes, the local police guy radioed me that we could clear off, they've got it handled from here."

Gordon mutes his radio and swears an extremely unkind but unheard blue streak at and about his little brother, and thinks about how much better he could've spent those past twenty minutes. Time and distance get mixed up in his head sometimes, especially at times like these, when he's rambled for what his brother thinks was an hour. Gordon can't honestly pretend he kept track. He'd only been trying to pass the time.

The pod gets pulled securely up into the cargo bay, and as the bay doors close beneath him, there's a moment of absolute darkness. Before the halogen lights of TB2's interior flood on, there's a brief pause, a silence and a stillness that swallow him up and then spit him back out as brightness floods the space around him and the pod docks properly. Gordon shoves the hatch open and climbs out. His pulls helmet off and throws it on the ground so hard that it bounces, just in time to be caught in the act by his little brother, descending on the lift from the cockpit. Gordon looks up to see a cheeky smirk plummet off Alan's face, replaced with the abrupt, wary caution of a younger sibling who realizes that he's accidentally crossed a line.

Alan's wide-eyed and baby-faced and all pseudo-twelve-year-old innocence again, as he shifts where he stands, suddenly awkward and contrite. "I was just messing with you, Gordie," he tries, summoning up a feeble half-grin, and reaching for the same diminutive Gordon had tried, maybe hoping to placate his older brother. "It's only been like five minutes since we could go. I was gonna tell you, but then things were just getting interesting, and I figured---"

"What?" Gordon snaps, pushing a hand through his hair. This has gone all cowlicked and curly in the humidity, damp with sweat to the point that its dissolved away the industrial strength hair gel meant to last the past twelve hours. He glares at his little brother, who has the sense to look appropriately cowed. "What'd you figure, Alan, that maybe she's all I wanna talk about because I miss her like crazy? We're working ninety goddamn hours a week and she's all I can think about and Scott still doesn't even know? Because yeah, actually, I'm scared as hell to tell him, but you wouldn't understand why!"

The silence that falls after shouting at his brother seems to fill the cargo bay from the bottom up, like water rushing into the vacuum of an empty space, a hollow roar that slowly fills with the sound of Thunderbird Two's VTOLs, on autopilot.

The problem with yelling at Alan is that he does look like a twelve-year-old, and so almost instantly after cussing him out for whatever reason, Gordon almost always feels like an absolute monster; like he's the sort of person who'd kick a puppy. He kicks his helmet instead, venting the last little flare of his anger and in its place feeling every last minute of the last twelve hours, playing achingly along his muscles and nerves. He takes a deep breath, holds it for a moment as he closes his eyes, and then lets it out as a heavy sigh, with an apologetic shake of his head. "...Sorry, Al."

When he looks up, Alan's still lingering on the lift, and looking at him like even his immediate apology might be a trap. Probably with good reason. Gordon's always been quick to scrap with his older brothers; arguments with Scott, deliberate antagonization of John, and the occasional parody of an altercation with Virgil---but he's always tried to keep his temper in check around Alan, on account of Alan's the only little brother Gordon's got. If he's always been happiest as the baby of the family, it's because everybody babies him, and Gordon no less than the rest of his siblings. Yelling at Alan makes him feel worse than he had before.

"I didn't mean to make you mad. I was just screwing around. I'm sorry." Alan offers his own apology like an olive branch, hesitant and awkward. "it's just it's the first time I ever heard you talk about her like this, I guess, is the thing. I didn't know you were, like, really serious."

Gordon shrugs wearily, bends to scoop his helmet up off the ground, and then trudges across the cargo bay to join his little brother aboard the lift. It'll be his turn to fly home, at least for the first shift, and they've got about eight more hours to spend in the air before they can make it back to Tracy Island. They're just about as far from home as it's possible to be, and Gordon can't help thinking about how much easier it would be just to fly to England instead, and the hell with Tracy Island. "I shouldn't have gone off on you," he says dully, acknowledging the mistake. He clambers up onto the platform with another sigh, as Alan toggles the switch to bring them back up to the cockpit, starts the lift with a slight jolt. "I'm just tired. I don't wanna talk about Scott. I dunno how to tell him about me and Penny. I dunno what the hell he's gonna say. But it's not like it matters, anyway, because I don't know when I'm gonna get any goddamn time."

"We're working way too much," Alan agrees fervently, quick to commiserate, eager to work his way back into Gordon's good graces. He follows obediently as the lift reaches the cockpit and Gordon makes his way to the pilot's seat. "You're the second best in TB2 after Virgil, and nobody else can really cover for TB4. You're pulling a lot harder than the rest of us."

That's maybe true. Hearing it acknowledged, even just by Alan, lends a legitimacy to the shortness of Gordon's temper, and just how quickly his mood had turned. It doesn't quite make him feel better, but it goes a little further to soften his sharpness with his little brother, as he offers back, "Yeah, well, it's not just me. At this rate, you're gonna have a pretty lousy birthday." He settles himself in the pilot's seat, starts to switch the autopilot over to manual control so he can set a course for home. "Maybe Virgil'll manage to haul his lazy ass to the kitchen and stop Grandma from inflicting a cake on the rest of the family. Maybe John and EOS can figure out how to get you the day off. Maybe Scott'll even let you have it." And then, magnanimously, just to make it clear that all is forgiven, "Hell, I'll cover for you if that'd help. You shouldn't have to work on your birthday."

"Oh, nah. I dunno." Alan drops himself into the co-pilot's place and shrugs, and it's with a maturity beyond the last of his teenage years that he admits, "I kinda wouldn't mind, I guess, if we end up working. I kinda didn't wanna say so, 'cuz everybody's so tired and mad and stressed out lately---but I like being busy. I get out more when I'm backing you up in TB2 than I ever do in TB3. And...I just...I like it, you know? I like this job. There are worse ways to spend a birthday."

"Yeah. Guess so."

[deliciouslyswimminggladiato-blog]

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[theibgirls]

CAS is an essential part of the IB programme, but coming up with ideas for it can be very challenging, especially if money is tight. Therefore, I present to you 99 Free (or at the very least, inexpensive) CAS ideas!

Please like/reblog if this helped you, and so that it can help others! ❤︎

Creativity

1. Learn a new language: Free apps or websites like Duolingo or Mondly can help you learn a variety of languages. Here is a post about the language availability on various apps. You can even practice by manually translating song lyrics, which really is just an excuse to listen to Bollywood hits, K-pop, or even Shakira- there’s no reason to not have a little fun with it! If you do just 10 minutes a day you’ll get over an hour of CAS done every week. If you do 20 minutes a day, you’ll get over 2 hours a week, and by spending a little more than 20 minutes on one or two days you can easily get 2 and a half hours of CAS a week. 10 weeks of this and you’ll have 50% of your creativity hours done, and all while having fun listening to songs, and not having to spend a penny!

2. Making gifs or edits: You’re already on tumblr, why not use it as an opportunity for CAS? Making original content takes time, and will quickly fill up those 50 hours! If you don’t want your CAS supervisor see which fandoms you’re a part of, make school related content, for example making subject moodboards (self spon), edits of your required reading (maybe typography for your favourite quotes?), or giffing your favourite historical figures. If you’re experienced you can mass produce content, and if you’re a beginner you can check that “new skills” box! GIMP is free, and Photoshop has a free trial. After that you can either pay for it, or perhaps scour the internet for alternative ways to keep it (though you didn’t hear it from me). If you fulfill requests then it counts as service as well.

3. Art: You can either create digital art using the programs listed in the previous suggestion, or you can do it the old fashioned. While art supplies tend to cost a lot, there is no shame in making sketches or comics using good ol’ ink and lead pencils that you already have in your pencil case, and doing it in a notebook. If you’re willing to splurge, there are tons of ways to go with your art!

4. Photography: While a good camera is expensive, you probably already have a camera in your phone. The quality won’t be ideal, but you can easily practice photographing different motifs in different styles. You can also retouch and enhance the photos with GIMP and Photoshop, as mentioned above.

5. Join or create a low maintenance club: Baking and music may be fun, but ingredients cost money, and so do instruments. A debate club or film club won’t cost anything, except maybe if you buy popcorn! Regular meetings will ensure regular CAS hours.

6. Write poetry: Writing a good poem can take many, many hours, which in the context of CAS is a good thing! Take a stroll in the forest or by the seaside and feel those creative juices flowing!

7. Write a book: You know that idea for a novel you’ve had for ages? Write it down. It may feel awkward to show to your writing to your supervisor, but think of it as a free editor or focus group. This is a great excuse to fulfill your dream of becoming an author. Who knows? Maybe the final product is good enough to send to a publisher, or to self-publish on amazon so you can make some money!

8. Make Redbubble designs: A spin-off of the digital art suggestion. Whether it’s simple text or intricate fanart, Redbubble is a great place to display your creativity, and can even make you some money if you’re lucky!

9. Join a choir: Privately owned choirs may cost to join, but your local church will probably let you in for free.

10. Play an instrument: If you don’t already own an instrument, this isn’t a great option on a budget. However, some of you will already own a keyboard or a guitar, and may even already be taking lessons. If you are, then there is no reason not to use it for CAS. And if you own an instrument but don’t go to classes, simply practice on our own or watch tutorials on YouTube.

11. Dungeons and Dragons: Shocking, I know, but it is actually quite easy to justify D&D as creativity. A friend of mine succeeded in doing this, stating that it involved team work, initiative, commitment and problem solving. It goes to show that most things can be justified as CAS if you word everything well enough.

12. Makeup, nail art, or body paint: I highly doubt that applying mascara in the morning counts, but there are certainly many ways to express yourself with makeup. SFX, intricate patterns and new techniques certainly require creativity.

13. Dance: Dance will be expanded on in the Action section, but dance is not only exercise, but a form of expression which requires passion and creativity.

14. Learn coding: Coding has become a valuable skill in the recent years. There’s an endless amount of sources online, many of them free. Not only is it an interesting skill, but it’s an impressive skill to see on a résumé.

15. Make a game or an app: Game development is certainly not easy, but that just means that there will be plenty of hours for you to log! It also has the potential to make you money, which of course is a plus!

16. Start a YouTube channel: Buying a microphone and camera is expensive, but unless you’re aiming to become a YouTube star there’s no reason to spend money on equipment. CAS doesn’t discriminate between a $500 camera and a built in webcam, or between Adobe Premiere and Windows Movie Maker, so utilize what you have.

17. Join the school newspaper: The school newspaper is a great way to ensure regular hours, and can even count as service. There are many different types of articles, so you can get some variety in it too.

18. Send in articles to a newspaper: If you think the school newspaper is aiming too low, you can always submit articles to local newspapers or online magazines such as Buzzfeed. Your submissions may not always be published, but it’s worth a try, and the hours will count anyway!

19. Make a PSA video: There are tonnes of important causes you can promote, and a PSA video is a great way to do it. Furthermore, the service aspect will count for service hours, and if you do it with a friend it can count as a CAS project.

20. Acting: There are plenty of auditions around, whether it be to a school play or primetime TV. You don’t even need to get a role, simply auditioning is enough as you’ve been a risk taker (your coordinator will appreciate you using the IB learner profile in your reflections), and been creative.

21. Making a short film: Combining he last two points, making a video and acting, take this chance to make a short film (or a full length one depending on your ambition) and Kenneth Branagh’ it as producer, director, writer and lead.

22. Learn animation: Self-explanatory, and a very impressive skill to have.

23. Free online courses: Whether it be public speaking or anthropology, there are many free courses online which can be justified as creativity. Some courses may even look good on your résumé.

24. Make a board game: Board games are a lot of fun, but harder to make than they seem. Your creation might not be the next Monopoly, but it may provide some entertainment when you’re meeting your friends, and wouldn’t playing games with your friend be a great way to get CAS hours?

25. Gardening: A beautiful garden is a challenge to create, but challenges are a part of CAS! From a terrarium to a full scale English garden, there are many options for gardening. Here are some cheap ideas.

26. Make a podcast: Podcasts have become quite popular in the last few years, so try it out for yourself! There are many different topics you could cover, some which could count as service. Discussing one of those topics with a friend could be a great idea for a CAS project.

27. Make a website: This one is quite self-explanatory. Like the podcast, you could easily add a service aspect into it, and working with a friend could make it a CAS project.

28. Translating transcripts of spoken word poem: this one comes from @kahvia, who says “I found the transcripts of the poems on the Internet (some are hard to get, so once I just messaged the author on Facebook) and translated into my native language. It's hard and time consuming, but can be done on the go, so you can do CAS when commuting.”

29. Calligraphy: I must confess that I don’t know a lot about calligraphy, but I assume that amazing tools can cost quite a bit. But remember, CAS isn’t about quality, it’s about quantity, so screw expensive tools and just go for it!

30. Create your own font: Like with most things in life, wikihow has got your back.

31. Make an interactive story: Cool and largely uncharted territory, and definitely a unique experience. This will help you out.

32. Learn origami: Origami is beautiful, and the possibilities are endless. Although origami paper is preferred, it is possible to use regular paper too, which will save you some bucks. Google and YouTube have a million tutorials, so they got you covered.

33.  Make a Studyblr: Do you have any idea how many hours I’m getting just by making this list?

Action

1. Go jogging: Perhaps the most obvious free exercise is jogging. All you need is a pair of sneakers and you’re good to go (jogging)!

2. Play Pokémon Go: If you are still one of the few people playing Pokémon Go, walk until your eggs hatch. You could simply walk, but games make it a bit more interesting. On your CAS worksheet you can simply say you plan on walking 2km a day, but in your head and your heart it’s an epic quest for Pikachu.

3. Yoga: Yoga has numerous health benefits and is a great choice for those who don’t like exercise. Power yoga is an option for those who prefer a challenge, but beginner’s yoga isn’t too strenuous and can easily be done at home. Although a yoga mat is preferable, a lot of the moves can be done on the bed or just the floor. YouTube and the app store have thousands of free options, so there’s plenty to choose from, from 10 minutes to an hour. Half an hour before bed each day will have you finishing up your activity hours in no time!

4. Swimming in a public pool, lake or ocean: There are some public pools, but many pools require an entrance fee. The ocean does not. It’s not as easy to swim laps as in a pool, but it will do in a pinch.

5. A 30 day exercise challenge: The internet is full of 30 day exercise plans. Although they’re usually not an ideal fitness plan it will challenge your commitment, and you can get a month worth of CAS.

6.  Biking: Assuming you already have a bike, biking is a very cheap method of exercise, but very efficient. Biking to and from school will count, and if takes about 20 minutes back and forth a day, you’ll get 100 minutes in a school week. It’s regular exercise, and therefore it’s regular CAS.

7. Free apps: There’s an almost unlimited amount of exercise apps in the app store, and many of them are free. Try them out! Even a 7 minute exercise app can be useful. 49 minutes every week can be rounded up to 50 minutes, which is a great place to start if you’re new to CAS.

8. Dog walking: If you have your own dog, good for you! Take the adorable little pupper out for a walk. And if not, ask a neighbour if you can steal their dog take their dog for walks. Another case of regular exercise resulting in regular CAS hours.

9. Dance: Not all dancing has to be taught in class. Online you will find numerous tutorials for various dance styles, from belly dancing to hip hop. And if you choose to learn a dance style from another culture, like India’s kathak or the Latin samba you get to learn about other cultures and therefore be a global citizen (as the IBO likes to tell us to be).

10. Dance apps or games: This activity isn’t as focused on independent learning as the previous dance suggestion, but it works nonetheless. Games like DDR or Just Dance are found in many households, so you might already have access to them at home. Just Dance includes an exercise mode, so give it a go! And if you don’t have them, there’s always the free Just Dance app, which should do the trick, memes aside.

11. PlayStation or Wii games: Certainly not a cheap option if you don’t already have the consoles or games, but if you have Wii Sports or PlayStation 3 Sports Champions you have a great way to exercise without leaving your living room.

12. Self-defense: When you can’t afford to go to a self-defense class, we have the internet. Learning proper self-defense is sadly very important, but since it’s important to learn, why not learn it for CAS? Practice with a friend until you’re a ninja, or until you have 15 hours of activity completed.

13. Celebrity workout tape: You know the ones. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Jane Fonda tape from the 80s which you recreate in a leotard, but then again, why not? You could use a random person’s workout tape, but I think Jane Fonda can be trusted (I mean she’s 80 and have you seen how good she looks?). Cheesy as celebrity workout tapes are, especially the ones from the 80s, there’s something special about them. Many of them can be found online, so give them a go, leotard or no!

14. Jump rope: Chances are you still have a jump rope lying around the house from when you were a kid. Rope jumping is actually very good exercise, so try to find your old toy again- it will come in handy!

15. Chair workouts: Fulfill your dream of becoming Britney Spears with some chair exercises. There’s no need to buy fancy equipment when you can just go to your kitchen instead.

16. Basketball: No need to join a team as long as you have a hoop at home. Many people still have a hoop over the garage door from when they were children, why not utilize them?

17. Join a school club: Of course, any club works, but most clubs will require an entry fee. School owned ones are unlikely to ask for one.

18. Hiking: Fresh air, breath-taking views, and all that crap.

19. Running competitions: 5k runs are frequently put on, why not join one?

20. Walk home: Is it cheating? Probably. But walking is activity, so why shouldn’t you take advantage of it? You don’t need to specify that you’re walking home, you can simply say a daily walk of x minutes.

21. Basic gymnastics or acrobatics: When I say basic, I mean basic. Somersaults, cartwheels, the works. It’s technically exercise, and you can say you’re doing acrobatics without going into further details.

22. Tree climbing: An alternative to rock climbing, only it’s free.

23. Use stockings as resistance bands: I honestly don’t know how well this works, but google said it works so it must be true.

24. Water gymnastics: Once again, doing things properly is overrated. Go to a pool and try to figure it out yourself, or with a friend. It may look ridiculous, but you’ll be trying. Another option is to do it some meters away from an ongoing class, because stealing exercise kinda works according to an episode of Will and Grace.

25. Badminton: When I say badminton, I don’t mean fancy professional badminton, I mean “get a gas station badminton racket and play in the park or your lawn”.

26. Foraging: Go look for mushrooms in a forest and keep track of how long you’ve been out and how long you’ve walked.

27. Orienteering: Although I personally despise orienteering with a violent passion, I have many friends who enjoy it, one who even does it for fun. Orienteering can be planned with friends, and can take place in a forest or a city.

28. Treasure hunt: Almost an extension of orienteering, you can plan a treasure hunt in a city or a forest. With the added element of the treasure hunt, there’s a case for creativity, and doing it in a group can work as a CAS project.

29. Frisbee: Frisbees are cheap and can be bought at a gas station, and work as a fun group activity.

30. Help the elderly: As you will see in the Service section, elderly neighbours might need some help cutting grass or shoveling snow. And as anyone who has ever shoveled snow knows, it’s a surprisingly efficient exercise.

31. Gym trial: Many gyms offer a free trial for a day or a week, or even a month, which is easy to take advantage of. Use the free days to their full extent, and if that isn’t enough, go to another gym chain and use their trial. Obviously this won’t be a long term thing, but if you work long, and not necessarily hard, 15 hours should be manageable.

32. Pilates: An alternative to yoga that works as well at home as at a gym.

33. PARKOUR: … don’t die.

 Service

1. Join Amnesty: Amnesty is an organization that raises awareness for a number of important issues, and often collect signatures for their causes. Be the one who hunts for signatures and watch the service hours roll in.

2. Join the Red Cross, or any other charitable organization: The Red Cross needs no introduction. It is perhaps the most famous charity in the world, and does a lot of good. However, there have been controversies surrounding it in the past, so if you want to support another charity instead, go for it! Find a charity that is important to you and the service hours will feel even sweeter.

3. Blood donation, or spreading awareness for it: Donating blood will often get you a small payment, and you can’t do it often, so it isn’t ideal for service. However, going to your local donation center and asking for pamphlets and sign up forms to bring to school or a stand at the mall is a great way to raise awareness and encourage other people to go donate blood. It’s one of those things people talk about doing but always put off, so be the person that changes their mind-set!

4. Helping out at school events: School discos, bake sales, or bazaars always need volunteers, and it’s a great way to get many hours done at once. Contact the PTA at your school or other schools in the area and see when upcoming events are taking place and you’ll easily get at least 15 hours of service done. If you really phrase things well you might even be able to get some creativity hours.

5. Dog walking: Expanding on the point in Action, you can walk other people’s dogs as service. Ask a neighbour if they need help, or post an ad at the grocery store. Service hours and spending time with dogs, what more could you want?

6. Volunteer at an animal shelter: Like the previous point, this really is just a great excuse to hang out with animals. Check the local shelter to see if they need any helpers!

7. Volunteering at a senior center: Senior centers are always in need of more hands. Whether it’s cleaning the resident’s rooms, walking with them or just making sure they have some company, there will always be something the center will need help with.

8. Volunteering at a hospital: Not all hospitals allow untrained volunteers, but some hospitals do. If you volunteer at a hospital you will not perform the duties of a nurse, but instead simply provide some company for the people staying there.

9. Homeless shelter: Homeless shelters always need more volunteers. There’s a variety of roles you can fill, from handing out food to collecting donations. No matter what it is you do, it will have a great impact on the people who rely on the shelters.

10. Make a PSA video: As mentioned in the Creativity section, making a PSA video is a great idea for a CAS project as it combines creativity and service, and results in lots of hours.

11. Bake sales: Baking yourself will obviously cost a bit, but most ingredients can probably already be found in your home. Set up a stand in the school corridor, and find a charity to donate the profits to.

12. Volunteer at a library: Most libraries have a variety of volunteer opportunities, from tutoring children to teaching seniors how to use technology. Go to your local library and see what volunteer programs they have!

13. Shoveling snow: Winter doesn’t treat people who live in cold places well. In case of snow you might have several neighbours struggling to clear the snow from their lot. Offer them a hand and feel the CAS hours piling up!

14. Cutting grass: Like shoveling snow, cutting grass is something people need to get done, but it’s backbreaking and time consuming. Go around the neighbourhood and see if anyone needs any help with it!

15. Assisting elderly neighbours: If you have any elderly neighbours, offer to do chores for them, like cleaning and cooking. They’ll be sure to appreciate it, and it can get you semi regular CAS hours.

16. Car washing: No, this does not have to include a red bikini, but it does give you two options: either offer to wash cars for free as service, or to set a price so you can give the profits to charity. All you need is a sponge and some water, so get scrubbing!

17. Scouts: Most scout groups require a member fee, so it’s not ideal to become a scout if you aren’t one. However, if you’re already a member, being a scout leader will get you many, many hours, so take advantage of it!

18. Student union: Student unions work hard, and can therefore get you many hours. There will be a wide range of activities to organize and participate in, so you’ll have some much needed variety.

19. Prom committee: If you’re not interested in joining the student union, there may be some committees that are separate from the union. Prom committees, graduation committees, etc., are all great options that can get you plenty of hours.

20. Babysitting: Give your neighbours a night off by offering to babysit for free. Remember, it doesn’t count as service if you get paid, so make sure the only money you get is to pay for dinner.

21. Tutoring: Some schools have study halls, or a homework club, aka after school homework help for the younger kids. And if your school doesn’t offer it already, ask if you can start it. It’ll be a chance for you to tutor younger kids, and if nobody shows up and wants your help, so what? You offered the service, and even if no one came, the hours count.

22. Start a club: Being a member of a club will get you creativity hours, starting one will get you both. Do it with a friend and you’ve got a CAS project.

23. Join a big brother/big sister organization: There are several of these organizations going around, and a popular one in the US is bbbs.org, which states that their mission is to “Provide children facing adversity with strong and enduring, professionally supported one-to-one relationships that change their lives for the better, forever.” A noble cause for sure, and one which your CAS coordinator will adore. It will tick most outcome boxes, and you will gain something from it too.

24. Volunteer in a political campaign: If there are any elections happening in your country soon, get involved for the good of your community, and your CAS hours!

25. Volunteer at a hotline: Many countries have crisis hotlines that often need more volunteers, why not help out?

26. Start Kiva team: kiva.org is a great website that revolves around microloans. It has the option to make or join teams of lenders. Make a team and try to gain members, spread awareness and get donations to lend money to people in need around the world. As they are loans, you get money back in kiva credit which you can then donate to someone new, thus creating a circle of good. Team meetings to decide which individuals, countries or field partners to donate to next will get you many CAS hours.

27. Plan an athletic event for charity: Whether it be a 5k, orienteering, a treasure hunt (all as mentioned in the activity section), or anything else you can think of, it’s a great way to involve a community, and any entrance fee can be donated to charity. By participating yourself, you can tick all three CAS boxes, and doing it with one or more people makes it a great CAS project.

28. Writing letters to soldiers: This may not be an option everywhere, but some countries have organizations where you can write letters to the soldiers overseas who don’t have anyone writing to them, which is sure to be a morale booster.

29. Host a free workshop: Workshops are a great way to learn new skills, or to teach your skills. Maybe you can teach something you learned from/for your creativity hours!

30. Neighbourhood watch: Neighbourhood watches are a great way to help ensure safety in your local area, so either join one or start one.

31. Volunteer to help immigrants and/or refugees: There are many organizations that work to help immigrants and refugees become integrated in society, whether it be activities for children or events to help newly arrived people learn the local language. Look up any local organizations and see if they’re looking for volunteers!

32. Park maintenance: Many parks need help with a lot of maintenance, from cleaning to repainting benches. Contact whoever is in charge and see if they need any volunteers.

33. Studyblr: Coming up with 99 free CAS ideas is surprisingly time consuming, and so is everything else about a studyblr, so give it a go and get those hours!