#id be going alone. at night. not very ideal. and unlikely to be worth the time and effort + the door fee.

[be-good-to-bugs]

if i ignore my problems surely they will go away on their own right?

[elleberquist6]

Believe in Me - chapter six

Summary: Dan Howell is living at home while he’s saving money for college, which isn’t easy since his parents don’t understand him. Unlike them, he loves dogs, is a vegetarian, has no interest in the family business, and he despises the supernatural. He struggles to accept things that are illogical, even though he is a kitsune. Kitsune are foxes whose powers involve the ability to cast illusions, but Dan just wants to be normal. Phil Lester has just moved to London, where he works as a dog walker. When his path crosses with Dan, Phil is eager to get to know him. Unfortunately, Phil soon finds that being friends with Dan is far more complicated than he could have imagined.

Rating: Mature Word Count: 1913 Warnings: Slow Burn, Eventual Smut

—

Kitsune fact: Kitsune have to keep their promises, and especially follow their word of honour. They become self-destructive if they break a promise, and when someone else breaks a promise, they become deadly enemies. [https://littlespacefox.weebly.com/kitsune-mythology.html]

“Last customer before you get off, Howell,” his manager told him, nodding at the scrawny teenager who had just walked up to the counter. The teenager’s face was either covered with acne, freckles, or a mixture of the two – Dan wasn’t sure.

He grabbed a cup and a pen to take the customer’s order. “Hi there, could I get your name, please?”

“Adam.”

It could be a coincidence. Adam was a common name. Dan looked up and the teenager’s face split with a malevolent grin. The face was unfamiliar, but he knew that smile well.

“I’d like a hot chocolate,” Adam said, since Dan had been too stunned to ask.

Dan shook his head to clear it and started writing on the cup. He kept his eye on Adam as he waited at the other counter for his drink, picked it up, and then lingered by the door seemingly without purpose. Dan knew what Adam was waiting for, and since his shift was now over he couldn’t do anything but leave the shop, knowing that Adam would follow.

Without looking back, he snapped, “What?”

Adam fell into step beside him, sipping the hot chocolate. “Someone is rather cranky.”

“What do you want, Adam? And whose body are you wearing?”

Adam pulled a wallet out of his jeans and read the ID inside. “Jacob Parkins apparently.” He put Jacob’s wallet back in the pocket of his jeans. “I found him near the high school. Don’t worry, I’ll dump him back around there. No harm done. He just won’t remember the past few hours.”

“No harm done? Tell that to the years of therapy he’s going to sign up for because of this blackout.” Dan shot Adam an angry glare. “You didn’t need to possess anyone. You could have just shown up if you wanted something. I told you to stop possessing people.”

Adam took a long sip of his hot chocolate before tossing away the empty cup. “Yes, but then I wouldn’t have been able to taste that.”

Dan felt a pang of sympathy for his brother. In moments like this, he was forced to remember that it wasn’t Adam’s fault that he was like this – he was what their mum had made him. “Okay, forget it. What do you have to say about where you were last night?”

Adam laughed, but without humor. He sounded smug. “He told you about me? I didn’t think he would. Most humans rationalize it away when I show myself to them. They say that their eyes were playing tricks on them.”

“Phil isn’t most people. So, what were you thinking? Why go to his place?”

Adam shrugged. “I was hanging around the night when he tried to kiss you. I gave you guys some privacy after that, but I was curious. I followed him home to see where he lived, and last night I decided to invite myself in to have a chat.”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t understand. You’ve never shown any interest in my life before.”

“You never had a life before. You went to school, you went home. Then you went to work and went home. Now though you’re actually doing something worth spying on.”

Dan’s cheeks got hot since that was actually a pretty accurate representation of his life, or the lack thereof before Phil. “Well, stop it. Leave Phil alone.”

“Have you fucked him yet?” Adam asked, ignoring him.

Dan felt his cheeks get hotter. “Fuck off, Adam.”

Adam laughed. “That would be a ‘no’. So, you’ve still got your v-card, little brother. Would you like some advice?”

He hated the fact that he actually wanted someone to talk to. He hadn’t kept in touch with anyone he knew from school. He didn’t talk to any of his coworkers outside of the coffee shop. He’d been alone for so long. He knew now that he had been isolating himself for years. Now that Phil was in his life, Dan was faced with the reality that Phil was his only friend. There was no one  had no one else who he could talk to.

He certainly wasn’t going to take relationship advice from Adam, who wasn’t really here to be helpful. Adam was here to taunt Dan for his own amusement, so Dan decided to ignore him since that sometimes made him go away. Adam nudged him with an elbow, which reminded Dan that he was wearing the body of a teenager and Dan cringed. “Come on, Dan! He likes you. What are you waiting for? Grab Phil by the ass and go for it.”

Dan’s stomach rolled with nausea. He was on his street now, and he started jogging until he made it to the porch. He didn’t look back until he had unlocked the door and was standing in the doorway. He knew that Adam wouldn’t follow him through the front door – he was avoiding their parents.

Adam was standing at the end of the sidewalk, shaking his head while wearing a large grin on his face. “I can’t believe you just ran from me, all because I tried to talk to you about sex. You are too much fun, little brother.”

Dan narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else as he shut the door between them. When he turned around, there was someone standing in the foyer behind him – his grandmother was placing a flower arrangement on a table, and she was watching him with shrewd eyes.

“Was that Adam again?” she asked.

Dan nodded. He glanced through the glass pane at the top of the door to see if Adam was still there, but the sidewalk was empty now.

Grandma sighed. “I think you need some tea.”

He didn’t think that tea would help, but his grandmother made the best tea, so Dan followed her to the kitchen. A few moments later, they were settled at the kitchen table, sipping tea and munching on scones. “So,” Grandma asked. “What did he do now?”

Dan hesitated. This wasn’t an ideal conversation to have with his grandmother, but there was no one else who would understand Adam’s role in this. “I’ve been seeing someone. Adam found out and he went to his apartment. I never wanted him to know about any of this, but now my brother has started to bring him into this world…”

“He? Your boyfriend?” His grandmother took a moment to process that. Dan had told her that he was bisexual years ago, but he’d never seriously dated anyone before now. Her surprise faded after a moment and she gave him a warm smile. “How did your boyfriend react to your brother? Did Adam scare him away?”

Dan shook his head. He couldn’t quite believe it, but he told his grandmother, “No, he wasn’t that scared. He thought Adam was a ghost, so he tried to banish him. He… this guy I’m seeing, I think he’s really special.”

His grandmother nodded, and she looked pensive as she took a sip of tea. “It sounds like he is. He sounds very open-minded. Your grandfather, as much as I loved him, had trouble accepting anything that went against his limited view of the world. He couldn’t believe in magic, even when it happened right before his eyes.”

Dan frowned. Sometimes he felt like he took more after his late grandfather than anyone else in his family.

His grandmother gave him a warm smile, as if she knew what he was thinking. “He was a human, but he had his own form of magic. He had a good heart, and he had a greater capacity for love than anyone else I have ever known – love is a stronger force of magic than anything we kitsune can perform.” She placed her now-empty teacup in its saucer. “So, are you going to tell your boyfriend what you are? I waited years to tell your grandfather. I think things would have gone better if I hadn’t waited.”

Dan shook his head. “I only just met him. We’ve only seen each other a few times. It isn’t that serious yet.”

Her wise dark eyes evaluated his features, and he knew that she could tell what he wasn’t saying – Dan had trouble letting people get close to him. He pushed people away and never let people get a glimpse of who he was, as if he was afraid of who they would see. Phil had already gotten closer to him than anyone had in years, and only because Dan had become so desperately lonely – and Phil was both persistent and amazing.

His grandmother, who had watched Dan closely enough over the past few years to become familiar with his pattern of behavior, gave him a sad look. “I think you should let this one in. He sounds special.”

“Yeah, so special that Adam now knows who he is and showed up in his home. Grandma, I can’t protect him from Adam – he doesn’t listen to me! I told him to leave Phil alone, but he just kept saying things to me… Adam was possessing some kid’s body. What if he decides it would be fun to possess Phil? What if Phil starts losing time and thinks there’s something wrong with his head? Adam could ruin Phil’s life if he wanted to, and all for a laugh. It would be my fault. Phil doesn’t deserve that. I should… I should tell Phil I won’t see him again. Then maybe Adam will leave him alone.”

Grandma shook her head. “You don’t truly understand what Adam has become.”

“He’s an evil spirit. He has been haunting me, and now he is haunting Phil.”

“No, he is a Reiko kitsune. A ghost fox. He is bad, but not evil. He still has a sense of pack, and to him you are family. He wants to talk to you. I know it hurts because he is different, but you should let him be a part of your life. I think Adam will respond to this, and in return he will do something you ask, like leaving your boyfriend alone.”

“Okay, I will think about it. Thanks, Grandma. And thanks for the tea.” He carried the cups to the sink for her, and then he made his excuses to leave – he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold the smiling mask on his face.

She hadn’t convinced him that there was another option, and it seemed like leaving Phil was best for him. His grandmother talked about love, but it didn’t make sense to Dan. If love really was more than chemicals in the brain and it was a form of magic like his grandmother believed, then it wasn’t a good thing. It was a dark and destructive force. His mother claimed to love him and his brother, but her love had only ever hurt them. Dan was determined to never fall in love – he knew that in the end love caused pain to everyone involved.

At the same time, now that Phil was a part of his life Dan didn’t want to let him go. Dan walked into his room and collapsed face-first onto his bed, completely unsure of what to do.