#i meant man not bear

[lethargicluv]

Veranda neighbour Price who smokes his cigars on the veranda of his apartment with a neighbour that shares his veranda behind a partition who is a college student with a plant growing hobby. You always grow too much and when you catch the handsome veteran out for a smoke and a glass of whiskey you offer him some aubergines and heirloom tomatoes. You both make dinner with your vegetables and eat them out on the veranda together. It'll be a veranda neighbour meet-cute.

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[soupmanspeaks]

You know what

In celebration of a common CC W

Here's some rare Soup art of the boy

[satsuha]

doodles i made on octopath day (7.13)... 2nd pic is of the characters wearing their voice actors' outfits during their video message in the anniversary livestream!! i love when VAs do closet cosplay type of things it's so cute

[andy-clutterbuck]

9x01 | A New Beginning

[roboyomo]

hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe

HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!

okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense

and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .

so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,

each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.

azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.

and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!

it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.

"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.

the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!

It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!

coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?

in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed

he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences

so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something

and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family

obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.

kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.

the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really

yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^

it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.

there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!

"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship

prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity

kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body

so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^

now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.

at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)

with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"

which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.

realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same

it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.

despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"

with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.

But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.

He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.

Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.

with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie

yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.

but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person

to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.

yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.

maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.

And then the Creature™ phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.

azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself

yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for

and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.

and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front

a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate

yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.

the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish

But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.

having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths

kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end

of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer

it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him

to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.

perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.

In short, they are so fucking Doomed.

smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick

[undead-moth]

The Bear is honestly proof that watching tv shows with the automatic and maybe sole intention to ship characters is destroying people’s capacity to engage meaningfully with stories.

SydCarmy is a realistic and well-paced romance taking two characters in a shared workplace from complete strangers to lovers, and before the characters have even figured out they have feelings for one another, people are like “Why are the writers playing in our faces like this?”

[korrasamibottles]

That different people can engage with the same piece of media and come out of it with wildly different interpretations is a testament to the evolutionary miracle that is the human brain. It is also very annoying.

[pzychojinx]

anyways sydcarmy is as real as ever. and i'll be very real it's even More on to me now. it's a slow burn let it fucking slow burn besties

[familyofpaladins]

(From a post talking about how I make an au everytime I watch another movie)

Oh you're spoiling me @sonderquill by indulging me in my au's. Also careful what you wish for lol

Okay heres a list of different Tmnt Au's that I've made in my head!! :D

Princess bride au

My own tmnt iteration au =Youngest leo (and oldest Mikey, but I tend to focus on leo)

Turtleverse - not so much an au as.... a big ol crossover and filling in some gaps from canon

Pacific rim au- I was actually gonna do a tmaynt promt with this au, but I skipped it because it was giving me trouble but I might come back to it

Treasure planet/island au - set in space like treasure planet but I pull in a bit more of the plot/events from the book

brother bear au - setting and details a little iffy

Looking through my notes to double check my Au's, I apparently also had a pokemon au, but I dont really remember where I was going with it lol

And now, Princess and the frog turtle au

Longer descriptions under the cut because uh. It got long lol (most of these are personality and character based from 2003 series, but could also be from other series/general/non specific iteration as well)

Princess bride au and Youngest Leo Au have links to their own posts so I'm not gonna say much more about them on this post

Turtleverse- So this is .... mostly just a place for all the iterations to hang out and meet each other. Kinda like the place in Across the Spiderverse. Theres not much for plot, except. The turtle in charge of everything in the turtle verse is the Donatello who disappeared in Same as it Never Was (2003 series). In this au, that Don was experimenting with alternate dimensions and time travel and accidentally sent himself to another dimension. Because of where ever he was sent, it takes him a while to travel through dimensions and then spends years hopping from universe to universe trying to find home. But because of [science stuff that I'm going to blame on quantum physic even though that's probably not the right term] his body isnt tuned to his home dimension anymore, and so if he ever made it back he wouldnt be able to stay there. And/or by the time he makes it back the events of same as it never was have already happened. So instead, he "maps" out the other turtle universes and allows crossovers to happen and a big ole hang out. (Like I said before, theres not really a Plot, but if there was, itd would probably have somethign to do with Don being A Bit controlling of the different universes and them not messing with Canon Events (like Manuel in Spiderverse), because he knows 03 Don made it to his home dimension, and while 03 Don got his brothers tow work together and defeat shredder, Don's brothers died and SAINW Don holds that against 03 Don and dosnt want other turtles interfering with other universes. So the plot would be addressing... all that while probably also dealing with some other interdimensionalproblem)

Pacific Rim au- like I said, I hope to draw of this and explain it more there. But I'll go ahead and give a run down. This is a human au. The bros are 4 identical brothers that pilot the only four man jaeger. They can also pilot a normal two man jaeger in any combination. But one day when a kaiju that comes out of the rift is more powerful than they expect, it tears into their jaeger and Donnie gets ripped out. After they get their damaged jaeger back to shore and injuries taken care of. They search for Donnie but never find him and (logically) assume he died. What they dont know is that donnie miraculously made it to shore and got picked up by some locals. But Don got a head injury and doesnt remember who he is and no one else realizes that he's the jaeger pilot who was lost at sea. (The bros are fairly private and so their faces arent publicized, and after people from the jaeger program looked for donnie, they really figured he was gone ((okay actually there is debate between the brothers)) so they didnt keep up the search.) As for Donnie, he assumes he's just a person whose home was destroyed by the kaiju and that theres just no one left to look for him. A man that goes by the nickname Leatherhead, takes him in and as the years go by the work on building the wall to protect against kaiju attacks (Don does his own research on the kaiju on the side tho). Anyway. After Don is gone, they cant pilot the 4man jaeger anymore and work in teams of two. But because of disagreements about Don's fate (like how they argued in SAINW) they dont work quite as well together. So Raph and Casey are drift compatible . And Leo and Usagi are Drift compatible. Mikey probably Could drift with others (if I wanted to bring in Mondo gecko into the au theyd be drift compatible), but he's trying to make sure his bros stay together and works with them.

BUT. Mikey hurt his arm during a fight. (Maybe just broken, maybe loses it if I want to lean into the SAINW parallel) So he's benched for a while. With all the gossip of the 4 drift compatible brothers losing a member and getting new drift partners eventually photos of their faces get out there. Someone who works on the wall keeps up with jaeger pilot gossip and thinks, "hey that guy kinda looks like those pilots. Guess the jaeger program really is going to shit if one is retiring to work on the wall" and maybe jokes about it with others. Eventually a rumor starts that theres a retired jaeger pilot working there. Don, who is probably going by a different name but I havent decided what yet, doesnt pay much attention to rumors and if he Does here, absolutely doesn't think it's about him. He doesnt pay much attention to the jaegers and focuses more on the kaiju themselves. Anyway, Mikey ends up hearing the rumor (because he's bored when benched and so goes out and wanders and also is secretly working on rebuilding their 4man jaeger) and goes "well it's not me, and I know it's not Raph or Leo... ". So trying to keep his hope down in case it's not what he thinks, (because really, it's been 5 years. If it was donnie he would have come home. Right?) He goes to see who this look a like is. He goes to where the wall is being built and looks around for a while and is about to call it quits when he bumps into someone. Don does a double take at the person he bumped into because he was looking at his notes instead of where he was walking. Realizes he's probably in the way and apologizes and goes to walk around. Then Mikey, who was so stunned to suddenly run into his brother (who he knows is donnie. Even with the scar he can see peaking out underneath his hair on his temple) who has been Gone for Five Years. He stops Don and questions where he's been. Don is very confused doesnt know what to make of this person who looks such like him. Eventually they put it together that don has lost his memories and Mikey begs Don to come back with him. Don isn't really sure what to think, (could this really be his brother?), he doesn't know this guy and doesnt know if he believes the "yeah I'm your brother and you have 2 more identical brothers as well" and he has been gathering impressive data on the kaiju that he doesnt want to abandon. So mike goes, come see my brothers and you'll see and if nothing else, you can conduct proper research with other scientist there. So don says yes. (But really. After just a minute of talking with mikey, Don would have gone back with him because he could Feel a connection and he Has to figure out the truth of what happened to him). Anyway they go back, Don meets his other missing brothers, theres crying and hugs and apologies and awkwardness. They do a drift at some point and Thats what brings back all of Don's memories. Something something they end up saving the day. I havent thought much plot past the bros reuniting lol

(God that was long. sorry)

Treasure planet/island au- setting is in space like Treasureplanet, so the boys are turtles. But some plot/events and character roles taken from the book. Splinter and the bros help run an inn. Theyve all grown up hearing stories of the Pirate Krang and his hidden treasure. Someone comes to the inn with a map (I'm thinking baxter stockman. Possibly in this weird brain/tentacle form since this is space and I can use his weirder forms) and other pirates pancake the inn and burn it down with the bros barely escaping with the map. Casey is a friend of the family and they go to his house. Leatherhead is a doctor/scientist and was with the turtles at the time. Mikey and/or Don are messing with the map and are the ones to figure out how to open it. Once they realize they have Krang's Treasure Map, they set out to find it. Casey and leatherhead hire the crew. Leatherhead hires the well renown Captain April O'Neil with firstmate Traximus the triceraton. Casey hired the cook and his daughter who helped hire the rest of the crew. Oroku Saki is an utrom in an exo-suit "with a passion for cooking". His adopted daughter Karai is an excellent sailor. :) Anyway they set sail. April knows soemthign is up with the crew and doesnt trust them one bit. The turtles are slightly suspicious of Saki, but mikey likes cooking with him, Don is fascinated by his exo-suit, and Leo likes training with Karai, and is charmed by Saki's "Honor". Raph doesnt trust them at all, but has no proof for anything and his brothers seem okay with them so he keeps his temper down (as much as he can. He's raph tho lol) anyway. Leo (and mikey maybe?) eventually overhear Shredders real plans to create a mutant and take over the ship. The rest of the events are a little unplanned because it's a mix of book events and movie events and I didnt write down everything that I apparently originally thought of. But two of the brothers (originally wrote down Mikey and Raph but that might change) sneak off the ship to join the pirates pretending to think that they are still good loyal crew. They get away from the pirates and meet The Fugitoid, Professor Hunnicut, former navigator for the Pirate Captain Krang. Later 2 of the other turtle brothers (maybe leo and don?) Are trying to get the main ship back and have a epic fight with ... someone. Maybe hun or bishop and/or Karai. Idk. Like I said. Iffy plot points. Karai is the one who has a change of heart and helps the brothers. Also the pirates may not be after treasure so much as, say, a giant portal that can take them across the galaxy in the blink of an eye. Fugitoid may or may not have actually been the one to booby trap the planet so no one could use the technology again for evil.

Brother bear au- setting would probably change. but idk to what/where exactly. The brothers, when reach a certain age are given totems/amulets/soemthing(depends on setting) with a certain trait. Leo the oldest gets Guidance. Don second oldest gets Wisdom. And raph is supposed to get his. he gets Love. Gets mad about the animal he gets. (I havent fully decided if I'm sticking with the whole turning into a Bear thing and giving the eagle and wolf to leo and don. Or to turn raph into a turtle demon(like the ones from the ninja tribunal arc) because then I'm not sure what animal/creature to give to the rest of the brothers. Anyway). Mikey is the youngest and hasnt recieved his yet. things happen, Raph goes a bear/turtle monster and Leo does saving his brothers (I'm sorry leo 😭). Raph decides to go after the "monster" again, despite Don and mikey telling him not to. Raph goes out, kills it, and gets turned into said creature. Donnie who had followed after Rpah thinks his other brother has now died as well and decides he need to go after it as well. Mikey may or may not join him (I havent decided). Raph meets a young one along the way, and while I was originally thinking Tyler(? From lone raph and cub 2003) I think this would be a good spot for Spike/Slash. (I could also change it that mikey is the kid he picks up along the way, it could work. but I also like the idea of the 4 of them actually being brothers the whole time) anyway. travel shenanigans and raph realizing that the "monsters" arent monsters meanwhile Don is having A Time following the creature who killed two of his brothers.

Pokemon au- I'm just gonna screenshot what I have in my notes because I dont really remember where I was going with it lol

And then the newest addition to the Au's and what prompted that other post

Princess and the frog, I mean turtle- theres so many different ways I could go with this. But I think I'm leaning towards an au where, somehow, at least one of the brothers (who are mutant turtles) gets cursed into a normal turtle (because I think its funny). They're all trying to figure out how to break the spell/curse. They find April and think she is a princess whose kiss will break the spell, but she's not a real princess and ends up cursed too. So then they're ALL trying to figure out how to fix it. Havent decided if it's the situation from some of the original stories where the frog has to eat off the princess's plate three times, or kissed by a princess or "true loves kiss". But if it is the true loves kiss, I'm going the Platonic Love is just as true love as romantic love route.

This one hasnt been cooking in my mind as long so it's not as detailed, but I do like the idea of the turtles and april helping each other try to reverse the curse. (It could also be that casey and/or april got cursed originally and the turtles are there to help them find a solution. Or it could be that the brothers are supposed to be human and got turned into turtles/or turtle mutant)

So yeah, theres the different Tmnt Au's I have :)

[cherrymoonvol6]

.

[bitchthefuck1]

I don't want to sound like a bitch but the fact that a vast majority of the top posts for the bear s3 are about sydcarmy is genuinely depressing. like if the only lens you can look at a show like this through is "is my ship canon or not" I fear you've missed the point

[redemn]

what  kind  of  tragedy  are  you  ?      self-inflicted  .      you  were  given  the  choice  to  live  ,      a  thousand  times  over  ,      and  yet  you  never  choose  it  .      not  intentionally  ,      oh  no  ,      you  didn’t  know  it  was  a  grave  you  were  digging  .      but  with  every  turn  ,      you  were  twisting  the  knife  deeper  .      every  decision  doomed  you  more  .      had  it  been  anyone  else  ,      they  would  have  made  it  .      but  you  ?      you  are  so  perfectly  you  ,      there  was  no  escaping  it  .      the  true  tragedy  of  it  all  ,      is  how  preventable  it  was  .

tagged  by  .      i  stole  this  because  it  looks  tragic . and it was . tagging  .    @ofsoul  .    @wcrstarter  .    @coyotlindo  .  @erebius  .

[fingertipsmp3]

I love the sims 2 because it will completely wreck your shit right when you’re least expecting it

[introspectivememories]

More about your last post I wanna know on how everyone reacts to eachother like imagine your friend finally is out of a pain cult that you had to sit around and watch as it literally ruins them but they had to be sacrifice and your local hero’s had to step to help them and then all of sudden when you go to the hospital you see TIM DRAKE straggling to fill out the most simplest questions

“TIM DRAKE!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???”

“…what’s his blood type?”

AKSDHJSKAHDHAS I FUCKING LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY FICS

okay so! some background information, it is my personal hc that bear fell into the cult, senior year of high school. so when tim rescues, he's been in there for like 5 years. it just doesn't make sense to me otherwise? like they chose him for the sacrifice. it wasn't like "oh he's convenient. might as well use him." they specifically interrupted his date-but-not-really-a-date with tim to get to him. like they thought he would be a worthy sacrifice to bring down the attention of dionysus. like he had to have been their most devoted member or something.

the gang meets him in their freshman year of college where mori, jam, and bear all end up getting an apartment together bc the landlord leased it out to three different people and they all responded. dija and chinna are their next door neighbors. anyway, they all become friends bc they all go to gotham u together.

i think mori and jam always knew there was smth wrong with bear. he's always kinda lost in his head, he disappears at odd hours of the day, when he talks to you he never directly stares at you but to the side of you like there's someone there. and as they grow closer, obviously the truth comes out near the end of freshman year.

and as college goes on, everyone learns his backstory and his sordid history with tim. needless to say, bear is like your dad who drops absolutely horrifying Dad Lore at random times and the gang is left to red-string-cork-board it together. they could be at a cafe near uni and bear randomly would be like "i tried to give my dead best friend chest compressions for like 30 minutes bc i refused to believe she was dead." cue the gang going, ".... do you, maybe, wanna unpack that?" / "no." / "oh. ok"

background info out of the way, the gang despises tim drake. how could they not? when they see the way bear has deteriorated after junior year? when they stumble across a photo of the grieves trio and wonder where that bright smile of bear's had gone? how could they not, when all of them have had to talk bear out of a hallucination? how could they not when bear comes back each night with more and more scars? when they've all walked in on him bleeding out? when all bear talks about is being chosen? when it's starting to look like this cult is going to take their friend from them?

and then, 4 years after they met bear, they get a call from hospital telling them that their brother is in the icu. and when they finally arrive at the hospital, tim drake is sitting in the waiting room, struggling to fill out basic information about his so-called "best friend".

fuck tim drake.

[wafflesinthesky]

did i cry from the bear fx season 2 episode 7 Forks (richie's episode)? maybe.

"2-seconds-post-watching" analysis under the cut

just the way that Richie finally felt loved and wanted working in the restaurant, like we've seen since the beginning of the season that he feels like he's at a stage of his life where everything and anything is too late for him, the people he loves are dead (mikey) or getting engaged to other people (tiff (ALSO SORRY THE GILLIAN CAMEO? I GASPED) and even tho he loves carmy he can tell he's getting on his nerves so right now the only person he has who needs him is eva and even she's gonna have a new father now so he starts off at this kind of rock bottom of "i have no one and no one wants/needs/cares for me" and at first this is cemented by the fact that he's 45 shining forks and no one knows his name or cares and theres this tug of war between the potential he feels he has and the way that people see him

BUT THEN the episode goes on and we see how much of a people person he is and the childlike giddiness he feels getting to serve customers and make their day because he feels like he matters, he feels like he's making a difference, he's affecting them all for the better, he has a PURPOSE

AND THEN we see him jamming to taylor swift by himself - he doesn't even need eva - because he's beginning to find himself again and see his own value as an individual, not just as a father or as an ex or as a "cousin" or even as a fork-shiner but as a person interacting with people whether directly or indirectly but making people's days better (this is not my best explanation but my brain is working a mile a minute so bear with me here)

AND FINALLY he talks to chef terry (IM SORRY OLIVIA FREAKING COLEMAN??? ALRIGHT SURE) and its all cemented. everything he's been learning from this place is cemented when she tells him the story of how she created the restaurant - it's never too late to start anew, to start fresh, to try again - and this sense of hope just cements itself into him of "i can and will go up, it's not over until i say it's over"

purpose man, purpose

SIDE NOTE: seeing this post from s1 is so perfect like episode 7s are about richie. he tries so desperately hard to prove to everyone that hes worth someone that hes not a loser that he has purpose and MY GOODNESS THIS SEASON IS SO GOOD IT'S WOVEN BEAUTIFULLY AND I LOVE IT