#i mean. if you have ever seen me around food then u just know. im super weird about it. i get weird about not eating around others or like

[tinylittlebab]

honestly kinda just a little bit funny that my ed is just completely obviously to everyone who meets me

[squiddy-god]

thank u for the best neuvi fic ever 😭💕 if u ever have time would always appreciate more food, thank u for your service my most esteemed fellow neuvi enjoyer 💞🫡

(will probably still be screaming crying throwing up about this one in the mean time 😭)

Hehuewieewm kicking my feet reading that hehehehe im so glad that the neuvi fic didn't absolutely flop because it is really just written from a place of lust for this man because he is so fine, so here! Have some more neuvi 

♥︎Request open♥︎

Cw : fluff to smut, NSFW and SFW, soft neuvillette, gn reader, hints at fontaine’s quest, daycrafillia, more spit swapping (sue me) but not what you think, always implied chubby reader, brief mention of bottom/sub neuvi, oral (both reciving), 69, face sitting is a gender neutral sport, explicit aftercare (love it) 

Ok so as i stated this man's knowledge of relationships is, iffy at best

He knows about the basics, but the complexities of human relations escape him

That being said he's such a sweetheart, interaction may be something he struggles with but he is surprisingly emotionally aware and intune to what you are feeling

When he first finds himself falling for you, he almost doesn't notice, but once he does he is actually quite quick to come to the conclusion that he has developed a rather large “crush”on you

However it takes urging from others to make him do anything about it, he is content to be an observer 

At least before the fontaine quest, after witnessing furinas trial and experiencing the loss of focalors all over again he grown anxious, no longer content to simply forever be the impartial Iudex of fontaine 

He begins to court you slowly, as a gentleman would- and while its a bit old fashioned to call it courting rather than dating- its a sweet but delicate dance to neuvillette 

His draconic side plays a part here, instincts calling that he should gift you things, starting small with food and imported water

Then he begins to invite you to lunch or perhaps on his rare walks around fontiane

Gossip spreads fast and just about every citizen has not only heard about the Iudex’s fancy for you, but they are fawning over it 

After All the Iudex is incredibly popular with the people, and they are overjoyed to see him in such high spirits

The subtle smile that plays shyly against his lips as his pale violet eyes watch you with the tender affections of old lovers

It's really the small chivalric things that make it feel as though you have loved neuvillette for a hundred years, the way his slender gloved hands interlace with yours as he helps you down the stairs, the way he offers you his arm as you walk

To be loved is to be seen, and within the vast ocean of neuvillettes eyes you stand as a solitary bastion of his love. Your every toil no matter how meaningless is acknowledged as something with purpose, the way his eyes that are often hardened by long trials where they must scrutinies and analyze soften in a way that belongs to you alone

He cares for you greatly, to be loved by neuvillette is quiet, a peaceful love that feels timeless

to be loved is to be seen, to be cherished and wanted, to be loved by neuvliette is to know that even in the quiet sea of his love the tide will never wane, he will always see you, forever unbiased he sees you for who you are, and you know that you are see, that he will always cherish you, that you are wanted, that you are loved. 

He enjoys when you brush his hair, and he lets you put whatever style you desire 

Many may assume that he is a listener, afterall he appears very quiet and reserved, but much like another dragon he is a secret YAPPER 

Steeped in wisdom he loves listening to you talk, but there are several subjects he tends to ramble about, and his statements are quite wordy and verbose

Both before and during your relationship he is spotted at several fountains and popular wishing spots, tossing a coin of mora into the still water, silently participating in these little rituals just incase they aid him in winning your hand 

He often attends performances at the opera house, and he reserves a seat just for you next to his own usual seating, and while a private man, there is a small part of him that preens knowing that everyone sees how you are his, and he is yours

Smut time

Now i know i said most of my thoughts in the other one but come onnnnnnnn i still have more thoughts

I don't think i mentioned this but i think he definitely cries during sex, even a small amount of pleasure has this man's eyes watering

I think i did not focus enough on the gentle slow side of neuvillette, how he traces over your body and laveshes you with kisses, how he checks in, lower face dripping in fluids to ask if you'd like some water waiting for you to nod before he takes a swig of the cup he keeps next to the bed, crawling up to kiss you, the fluid benign pushed into your mouth mingling with your taste

Any access is licked away by Neuvillette before he returns to his favorite activity. 

Slow, letting himself relax and savor every touch, every sensation as if you where the finest sumarian water

In this more calm and relaxed state he whispers his thoughts, voice fleeting with the buzzing in your ears as grans out your praises

Your reassurance and comforting when he cries makes him a absolute puddle in yours arms, his head in your neck as he thrusts slowly into you, his moans reverberating on your skin until you feel the tell tale wetness of his tears, cupping his face to rest your foreheads against each other you reassure him, trying to comfort him

He's so conflicted, he loves your voice and sweet nothings but he wants to be honest and tell you that these are tears of pleasure. 

Ride this man he's mesmerized, pupils wide as saucers as he watches your face above him, feels your hands on his shoulders, your plush tummy squished in his hands 

Would low(read high) key be down for you to peg/top him, and hes a moaning mess when the tables are turned, voice wavering as he grips the sheets so hard he might just rip them

…dare I say 69? Yes the funny number, i feel like he would enjoy it immensely 

Face sitting regardless of your sex, he is trying to bleed you dry here 

He may not know that he's a total freak, but he does know that you are exhausted and spent by the end every time (he wouldn't have it any other way) so he takes great care in ensuring you are taken care of

Holds you close for a moment before sweeping you into his arms and drawing you a bath

Washes you clean of the fluids he much rather keep you covered in longer, and fetches you a regression glass of water- and whatever other drink you prefer

He even feeds you snacks as he slips into the bath and rubs your sore limbs, placing soft kisses to the crown of your head 

[thecosmosdefys]

hi how u doin?♥ would u do general relationship hcs for ghost and könig pls?? :)<3

What dating Ghost & König would be like

Pairings: Ghost x GN ! Reader, König x GN ! Reader

Warnings: Violence, Cussing, Death

Synopsis: Just headcanons of how I would think Ghost or König would be in a relationship!

Author's Note: HIIII! Im doing good thank you so much for asking! Also I wasnt sure if you meant like? Ghost x König or like X reader headcanons so I went with what I thought you mightve meant? If this isn't what you wanted don't be afraid to put in another ask for my inbox!!! Also just want to note how excited I get when someone puts an ask in my inbox- I get so excited- It literally makes my day! Love you guys <333

Dating Ghost

I feel like if you dated ghost, at first he would seem a little cold around you? Like he wouldn't know what to do with emotional or physical intimacy. He doesn't give you the cold shoulder but he is so awkward at it at first.

Don't expect him to say I love you first, or even realises he loves you? Like before you guys start dating he is always around you, and picking to go on missions with you if your apart of the 114, but he doesn't seem to realize even though everyone around him does.

Once he starts getting comfortable with the relationship, he is like showing you off to everyone. You're like his prized trophy and he could not be happier. Like he's telling everyone all the time about you, and even your little accomplishments, god he loves you so much!

He will do things he doesn't want to do, if it means he gets to see a smile on your face? Like he hates christmas parties, but if you find yourself wanting to host one? He's already making a list of who's invited and what you might need. (He may even wear one of those ugly christmas sweaters for you but don't count on it.)

Physical intimacy? To him thats just even holding hands and it takes months for him to open up to you like that. But after he opens up, god hes all over you. In the mornings he's hugging you from behind. Never stops kissing you in public. He is disguting with his PDA, hes all over you all the time, and sometimes its cute and then other times your like "Simonnn stoppp" and he will... for 3 minuites-

He is so domestic when he is at home. If you need anything he is absolutely helping you. He will be your little apprentice when your cooking and everything. Sinks broken? He's fixing it. You are missing an ingredient for your food or baking stuff? He's on his way to the store to get it for you. You haven't been able to clean up the house? He's on his hands and knees scrubbing.

If you have a mental illness? He's helping in anyway he can. Even when he's away hes making sure your taking medicine if you're taking it, or reminding you about your therapist appointments. He is all over helping and doing his best to help make life easier for you even if just by a little bit.

Dating König

Literally what the fuck. He is the biggest god damn teddy bear you have ever seen. Out in public he is brooding and angry looking, but in private? He's on his knees doing anything you want him to do.

He is the biggest fan of soft touches. If you're out in public at the grocery store he's 100% rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, or just being sweet. He might brush your hair out of your face if it's in it or hindering your sight.

He will do your little routines and when I tell you it is hilarious to see this big beefy man, with a pink glittery face mask on his face, man its hilarious. When he's home he's doing your little haircare and facial care routines with you. He's oiling his hair, or putting face masks on, maybe even little cucumbers on his eyes. (of course you're taking pictures for blackmail.)

He remembers the little things about you. Sometimes when he comes back from missions he will have picked up something, or bought something that reminds him of you, or something you like. You had mentioned to him that you love forget-me-nots and you came home one day noy realizing he was home, and there was a bunch of pressed, perserved, forget-me-nots in a frame. (He ended up hugging you from behind and almost scaring you into dropping it a few seconds later but that's irrelevant)

He may not be super public about your relationship with him, but it is pretty obvious. When your out in public, he's behind you scaring the shit out of anyone who may bother you. You're his and he wants everyone to know that. Maybe you hang out with the crew one day and he has his arms slung around you, or wrapped around you in some way that screams "This is mine".

He may not actively always do things in the house, but he hovers around. He also loves to leave little things so that when he is gone you remember things that are important for you to do, he knows you have a bit of a bad memory.

Just like ghost, if you have a mental illness he is all for supporting and helping you. If you need someone to talk to he is holding you in his arms as you talk to him. He even makes sure your meds are always accessable to you, and helps in any way he can.

[angelismmm]

𝄞 — thoma (gn reader) — ❝ i'll treat you like royalty ❞

summary: single, hardworking, thoma whose a father of a cute little girl you just happen to babysit! he ends up falling for you, finally seeing how much you care for his daughter, and his wellbeing, but he starts to have certain "dreams" about you at the same time that he wants to make reality.

a/n: d-d-d-dilf thoma... just hear me out okay... i seen so many headcannons for thoma as a father, anyways d/n is daughter name!! edit: i accidently deleted my progress again while playing valorant ❤️

warnings: nsfw, slight and i mean the slightest amount of dacryphilia if u squint hard enough, thoma 😍😍, dom!thoma, sub!reader, masturbation, idk sex??

dilf!thoma is overloaded with work at the office he works at, so he hired you! to take care of his daughter. only being able to come back late at night, he does miss his father-daughter bonding time with her :(

thoma comes hope to a sleeping child and a dozed off you too! coming over almost everyday to take care of such a little gremlin does tire you out </3 he takes (d/n) to bed, and you to sleep on the couch beside his bed, he'd be a monster to let you sleep outside!

now that you and him have talked a little more, getting to know each other, what's going at home, etc. he feels a bit closer everytime you come over, and when you talk to him. feels like home, yk?

thoma felt like he started to gain feelings for you, and not just a "that's a good person" feeling, but romantic. you made him feel like he finally had a place in this world. so much so, he started having dreams about you

those empty, sleepless nights, his mind will find a way to always wander back to you. you definitely would make a splendid partner, you're a great babysitter to (d/n), you were perfect. whenever you say his name, it does something to him

on those nights where you sleep over at his home after a long day of taking care of (d/n), of course you take the couch in thoma's room. while you sleep, thoma has an impossible time trying to doze off. the only thing on his mind is you, but not in a fluffy way.

the many wet dreams he's had of you bouncing on his cock, sucking him off from underneath his desk at the office, anything really, throughout the 4 weeks you took care of (d/n) made him crazy. crazy for your scent, your everything.

thoma tries his best to be quiet while you sleep, but it felt so good and to imagine you being pounded endlessly by him, and full of his seed. finally with one more pish he came, it'll be hard trying to cover it up if you ever questioned the stains.

sunshine finally pouring down, and out of the windows, you woke up and made breakfast before setting off, saying goodbye to (d/n) and thoma once again. since today was thoma's day off, finally finishing all the paperwork assigned last night. he couldn't think about anything but you.

the next day or so you came over to babysit again, till thoma told you it's also his day off. "oh, so is this where i stop babysitting the gremlin or?" you asked while (d/n) rested in your arms leaning her head on your shoulder. "that isn't what im implying— i mean yes continue to donyour job, i'll just also be home this time." he pats your shoulder and goes back inside. "follow dad!!" (d/n) says almost jumping out of your arms.

"also, i'd like to thank you for taking care of my dear daughter. it.. it means a ton to me and her." he adds, (d/n) jumping out of your hands to run around again. fast forward to dinner time, thoma was finishing up the food he cooked, as a thanks to you for being able to babysit.

afterwards reading a book to put (d/n) to sleep, you go back to thoma's room to get ready too. suddenly thoma grabs you by the waist from behind. "i— i wanted to thank you in another way. so please let me treat you like royalty just this once." he says giving you no chance to reply he starts sucking on your neck, making you whimper. finally facing you towards his face to get a better angle to bite your neck at.

once thoma finished sucking on your neck, he starts a long-lasting kiss, pushing you onto the bed with a desperate attempt to strip your clothes from you. (which um suceeds) "have i ever told you i love you?" thoma says deeply inhaling your scent, getting into the moment, "your crush on me was a bit obvious on me before this happened" kissing his forehead.

fast forward a bit, being pushed up against the wall and thoma's dick inside you thrusting fastly. holding you by your waist, cresent-like marks imprinted on your skin for how rough his pace was. completely unaware of yourself moaning his name so sweetly, the only words pouring out of your mouth being faster and pleads. round after round after round, you both finally gave it a rest.

"i love you so much" thoma added with doe eyes as if everything you both did just now didn't happen. "m-me too.." you said as he carried you to the bath. cleaned you up and u cuddled all night (which wasn't really all night, more like the rest of the morning)

anywaysr I just wanted to get this draft out as fast as possible but got carried away, capitano childe 3some next 😓😓

[thatdeadaquarius]

This is riding off the language stuff in sagau but I just cant get it out of my head a reader who uses tumblr slang every once in a while. like they meet the Traveller and they're like "Omg I'm so cheesed to meet you!!" And the Traveller is just like "???" meanwhile Paimon integrates that into her vocabulary. And then maybe at some point, if the reader has a vision they're like "MAIMING AND BITING YOU" "THAT'S IT! I'M SENDING YOU TO EEBY DEEBY!" while their poor teammates are so confused. Just imagine going over to ppl like Razor, Klee, Chongyun and going "Awwww my lil scrunglos"

Just a very chaotic reader in general lmao

HEY WASSUP ANON

MY BRO THIS IS SO OLD BY NOW IM SO SORRY LMAO- SO ANYWAY HELLO!!! A DESSERT FOR UR PATIENCE 🍨🍧🛐

FOR WAITING SO LONG HERE IS SUM ASS WRITINF MY FRIEND HOPE U GET SMTH OUTTA IT

Bro imma be honest i missed out on some slang on tumblr bc i was off of it for awhile before i refreshed this old blog 

So my reaction to these slang words (except for scrunglies/scrunglos ik that one) is just as confused but also its rlly funny that im in the same situation as them LMAO 😭

☆

I would think honestly, even if ur doin it on purpose, 

I feel like some slang or refs r too ingrained into my soul to not make

So i would just accidentally use slang/memes, esp around funny ppl like Kaeya or Beidou, and then just give up eventually 💀

♤

So i stg everytime Xiao shows up in a event or smth it surprises me everytime lol

With his teleporting ability i would guess that if ur just chillin around Liyue anytime, Xiao just… shows up lol

Tea with Zhongli? Oh jesus Xiao’s here now.

Watching Xinyan and Yunjin play? Hes on the roof.

Picking ingredients with Xiangling to help her cook yall some amazing food?

Hes in the tree u were just picking Sunsettias in-

◇

So ur in Mondstadt, and ur like,

“oh well no Xiao here, huh kinda feels weird now”

eventually ur dumbass trips over nothing and goes tumbling down a hill, u know, as u do

Ur at the bottom like, 💀 

And its kinda hot and ur tired, and r selfaware of ur own goofiness so u just-

“I can see the end of the horizon, is this an internal dialouge-”

Xiao comes around the hill ur splayed at the bottom of.

UR STARTLED BC WTF MONDSTADT?? XIAO??? SO U JUST

“HATSUNE MIKU-”

CRYING-

AND XIAOS LIKE-

“??? No. It’s me. Xiao. The Yaksha Adeptus, my liege?”

HAHFLAHHAHA

AND HE KEEPS ASKING U WHO HATSUNE MIKU IS THE WHOLE WAY BACK TO THE CITY AS HE ESCORTS U LFMAO

♧

U see those scary ruin machines the ones with the fucking legs in Sumeru,

Cyno is ur bodyguard for the day, 

And at first he doesn’t see it, like its behind him, but it just like came around a corner, so it hasnt locked in on yall yet

(i headcanon that even if u r the Creator, these are machines, and dont have the sentience to even be self-aware let alone process wtf u are, ig if Khaeynriah made hella AI that is aware maybe it could fathom u)

◇

And u try to warn him but not scare him, so

“CYNO.

CYNO, THE HORSE IS HERE-”

Cue Cyno like

“A horse??? In the desert, Greatest Lord what the fu-”

Almost gets stomped on 😭 rip.

♡

U see Scara for the first time and u befriend him

Ur the only god besides Nahida he’s ok with aw

and one day he’s bodyguarding u around Sumeru 

He gets a little too into it and goes ham on several ruin machines

Like full on elmo burning anarchy meme, he's literally cackling floating above the pile of flaming metal-

And ur just clapping like: “that’s my skrunkly :) <3"

He literally interrupts his own cackle, its the most expressive youve ever seen him 

😶 😑 😶 ?????¿¿¿??¡¡?!!

HE WILL NOT STOP HARASSING U ABOUT WHAT IT MEANT LMAO

U usually define the words/memes as best u can but u specifically just call him that and never explain LOL

☆

🎵 HI. ITS ME. IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME. 🎵

SO SORRY ANON MY BEAUTY- I HOPE U CAN FORGIVE ME FOR TAKING SO LONG 🙏

I dont even mean just replying with a real thing^

I probably couldve posted ur ask w/o even adding onto it tbh

I dont think its anywhere near as chaotic as what u described but ya boy isnt the good at writing 😔

so i just focused on the memes 🤲

Have a good week anon :O !!

♡

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊 💀Aquarius ♒️🌌🌘

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[crguang]

Hear me out. Vampire Shalom!

Wait, if we are a vampire, does Shalom's blood taste like cola gummy? LOLOL

It's a joke from CN commun since her hair resembles a cola gummy jelly candy

-🎹

dont even joke lad… first of all yes. yes. yall thought kafka would make a great vamp? lets bring in miss mostly unfeeling, calculating, distant and always composed shalom. apathy is a big part of vampirism to me, after a certain age you realize time is a circle and certain vamps will take on more of an observer position towards humanity because they’re not part of it. it’s easy to grow apathetic when you’ve seen history repeats itself over and over, when you’ve watched lifetimes pass and when you’re inherently disconnected from your humanity. shalom is so vamp coded in that way; she lives amongst humans but is not part of them because she was made anew. you make a vampire, there’s nothing organic about it. she’s a different kind of vamp than kafka (who likes playing with her food), she prioritizes efficiency over anything else. also a classy eater, will lure in “willing” victims with well-placed flattery and warm smiles and she prefers docile ones over those who make feeding more difficult by thrashing around. shes very intense in the way that it’ll seem like she’s giving you her undivided attention and has an excellent memory so she’ll remember every single detail you ever said or did, which makes you feel listened to and understood. that’s why i call them willing victims, she’d entice them in letting her feed from them by building a one-sided connection with them and they somehow get out of that encounter just wanting more. master manipulator. she drinks from the neck, she likes the pretend intimacy of it. very clean, no unnecessary bloodshed and doesn’t waste a drop. she finds the unpredictable side of humanity fascinating and so she spends a lot of time observing it, she understands humans on a cognitive level but things that can’t be explained in their behaviour puzzles her in a good way. only remembers traces of her own humanity like the faint notes of a perfume in the air but she can never quite connect with it. that’s not to say that she would be cruel, quite the opposite, which makes me insane. aaaaaa she was made to be a vampire, she blends in well yet still leaves people with the feeling that there’s something off about her… she’s so deceptively warm but that’s because she can’t actually be warm. you know what i mean? it’s not because she’s mean she just has not felt warmth in a minute. i could fix her

shalom’s blood would just lack some nutrients i feel like LMFAO, i don’t think she particularly cares about her body and eats whatever she has to, plus she has zero strength whatsoever so those bones are lacking some calcium or something. her relationship with her body is honestly what interests me the most about her, it’s still a human body so she must have all the physiological reactions to getting hurt but after she got shot in the neck and just smiled like idk. you drink from her and she just sits there limp and docile oh i’d be freaked out. her pulse races but there’s no reaction from her otherwise unless she figures out that it bothers you, then she adjusts her behaviour to make you more comfortable… so sentient doll-like sometimes, im scared

i always thought cola gummy was a really cute nickname lol it’s just sweet, also how chief is represented as an orange idk where that comes from but it’s cute. also!!! if u ever want to dm me your ideas you absolutely can, i don’t bite! no need to make a second acc but if that makes you more comfortable then it’s also cool by me <3

[thecynthh]

smart ass - M.S pt 5

synopsis - matt’s not doing to well with his schooling but is determined to get his degree and pass his classes. one essay which is a huge part of their grade haunts him with a bad mark, luckily y/n is willing to help him

notes - NOT PROOF READ, lowercase intention smut near the end, aftercare cus thats what matt specializes in, cuddles

a/n - uhm idk if yalls could tell, or if u knew but i’m a virgin and have never kissed anyone so 🫣

leave some suggestions for chris or matt fics for me to write pls as well :3

——————————————————————————

——————————————————————————

present day a few days after their second study session

y/n pov

matt s 🐼

hey message me when ur leaving ur house. 8:46

btw we r ordering food to the house cus i dont wanna get gas. 8:47

text me what u want from CFA. 8:47

you

what in the flying fuck is CFA? 8:49

matt s 🐼

uhm hello? kid, how do u not know what CFA is???? 8:49

you

abbreviations like this is what's wrong with our generation… 8:50

matt s 🐼

kay ur so weird omfg. 5:50

CFA clearly means chick-fil-a smartass 🙄. 8:51

you

oh well then 😋. nuggets and waffle fries please 🛐🛐. 8:52

and sunjoy btww. 8:52

matt s 🐼

ew u like sunjoy? 8:53

you

u like rootbear don’t talk to me ✋. 8:52

and let me in pls im already outside :). 8:52

read at 8:52

i sling my bag over my shoulder and leave my car, waiting outside the large house with thrilling anticipation as i wait for matt to open the door. I see the fluff of his brown locks and a sweater similar to the one i’ve seen him wear before at school. i dont know why i get giddy when i see him, i dont know how we went to only speaking when madi was around too greeting each other whenever we see each other in the halls or cafe or even in our shared classes.

matt and his brothers were some of my closest friends now, after madi introduced me to them at a party, both of us got insanely drunk and made me call off crazy drinking ever since. all i remember from that night was the way matt took care of me while i was in a very vulnerable state and didn’t take advantage of me. i haven’t told anyone but madi about what happened to me when i was younger, and i’m glad she’s still taken her promise to heart, the only thing that telling her about my past shit did was make her and i closer.

i see matt in full view after he opens the door, “hey!” i say with a cheery expression despite how late it was for me.

“heyyy, thanks for coming by the way, even though you had a shift earlier.” he says sheepishly, before i left for work he messaged me begging to have another study session because he had more questions about the essay part of the exam. “oh hey lemme put your stuff in my room, just chill on the couch before the food gets here.” i pass him my backpack and laptop as he begins to walk down a hallway to make it to his room.

i move through the small entryway and become more apparent in his brothers view, “heyy y/n” nick says moving up to me for a hug, i take in his embrace.

“hi nick!!” i say excitedly. other than matt, ive hung out with nick a lot too, madi always has him over at her apartment, and even the three of us have made it a plan to meet up at our favourite bakery and talk for however long we want too a couple times a week. out of the little over a month i’ve know the triplets, nick has made a huge impact on me, and i felt safe around him, as well as chris and matt.

he lets go of me while i walk over to a slumped over chris on the couch, when he realised i was here he sits up on the edge of the couch. “sup chris,” i dap him up doing a little bro half hug with him.

“always nice to see you y/n,” he says as our arms unfold from the middle of us. i take a seat next to him with a comfortable amount of distance between us. matt returns not too long after i greet everyone. He sits down between chris and i and nick returns from the kitchen with a pepsi, root beer, bottled water and a lemonade, passing out everyone's drink knowing what each of us would ask for. matt and i give nick a thank you as he nods his head after.

nick stationed himself on the elongated part of the couch settling in with his fluffy blanket, he puts on a stranger thing episode and we all sit watching the tv. it only takes another five minutes of the episode for the doorbell to ring through the house. nick gets up immediately scurrying to the door with his fluffy blanket wrapped around him as he talks to the delivery man, thanking him and making small steps to see the rest of us. he comes back with two large bags of food planting them on the coffee table in front of all of us, before grabbing a tray of drinks after going back to the entrance.

“thank you for paying matty,” chris says, rubbing up again his brother with his lips pursed and now shoulder to shoulder with his older brother. i giggle at the sight, copying chris.

“mmmmh thanks mattyyyy” i say resting my head on the peak of his shoulder, pursing my lips as well and copying chris’ weird voice.

“you’re a fucking weirdo chris,” matt says in a disgusted voice flicking the other head that was very close to his face. “and you're welcome y/n.”

i laugh at chris’ overly dramatic reaction to what matt did to him. still giggling a bit at the sight of matt completely ignoring his brothers reaction, I say “just tell me how much i own you.”

“eh, don’t worry about it, it’s on me, plus save up for that new laptop you were talking about. i know how much you want it,” i blush slightly.

“aww thank you then,” i wrap my arms around him and squeeze him, he hands me the food that i asked for and retract back onto the couch.

“by the way, what time are we planning to stay up till? i told madi that i’ll tell her when i was heading home.” i saw looking at matt.

“well its kinda late so if you wanna stay in the guest room, im fine with that.” matt says, moving his head towards me, then breaking eye contact with the tv screen.

“im ay okay with that if you wanna stay over! plus you know your way around the house,” nick says giving his approval to matts idea of staying over.

“mhm im chill with it,” chris simply says.

“uhh yeah then, i'm down, thanks!”

we eat then say goodnight to nick and chris before we go to matt's room for some studying.

i lay down onto his bed as he walks over to his bathroom to change into some comfier clothes. while hes in there i start to think about our first study session when i found out matt had a crush on me. i thought it was very cute, but it made matt awkward on our last study night. i’m glad that he's eased up now, i just acted like i didn’t know anything and didn’t want to push on how he was feeling because I knew it would make his anxiety worse.

i come back to my senses seeing matt reappear from the bathroom door. we stayed on track for studying for an hour and a half before we eventually put on brooklyn 99 on in the background and talked.

“so, the retake is in a couple days, you think you’re ready?” i was hopeful he would be good by then because tonight felt very productive. I quizzed him on a couple of important ideas while he was playing with a baseball, throwing it up and down in the air. i learnt that he understands stuff better when he is doing something with his hands, it keeps him focused.

“hm, i’m not too sure, maybe another study sesh the day after tomorrow so by friday i’ll have all the stuff we went over fresh in my mind.” the baseball still gets thrown up and falls down in front of his face, with his hand waiting to catch it before it smacks him right on his nose. “thanks again for this,” i hear him catch it one more time before he moves his hand away from his face and looks at me just to the right of him. i'm hovering over him slightly, his eyes glow the brightest in the slight illumination from the lamp we always use when we study.

“yeah of course matt, you're my friend anyways.” our faces mirror each other, his eyes roam my faces while his hand holds the side of my face.

i toss my hair to the side of my head to lean down to kiss matt, he immediately returns the kiss enveloping my bottom lip with his. i moan into his mouth feeling him push me down and dominate me. one of his hands rests on my hip keeping me down as i pull him down with my legs letting him top me. most of his body is pressed down to mine, i lift my hips to give myself some kind of sensation i desperately crave for.

“fuck, i’m sorry are you okay with this?” matt says when he disconnects us.

i cup his chin bringing him a little closer, “i really fucking like you matt, please don’t stop.”

a smirk grows onto his face, “i really fucking like you too, you’re lucky i do.” he becomes more unserious pecking little kisses amoungst my face making a very loud “mwah” sound with each of he presses into my skin.

“matttt” i say through my sour looking face while he shows his affection.

“okay, okay, i’m done. but uh, how about we kiss again, didn’t get a good feel of it the first time.” he says with a knowing smirk on his face. i use my hand to weave through his brunette hair pulling him towards me again, we share a more passionate kiss, with knowing and love rather than lust.

it doesn’t take us long till things got more serious, his lips attach to my neck instantly sucking multiple hickeys into visible spots on my neck, moving down to my collar bone and eventually to the full and plump part of my boob. this is where my dream stopped last week, ive been trying to ignore it for the longest time but being in the moment now after thinking about it in my head makes it feel even more surreal.

his hand sneaks to the bottom of my fresh love shirt that i took from matt’s drawers when i found out i was sleeping here his fingers feel the hem of it. “is it alright if i take your shirt off?” he says with a quiet voice, almost afraid of what i’ll say.

i quickly nod in reply but that doesn’t seem good enough for him.

“words smart ass, i need words.” he says with a little bit of a condescending tone to his love tainted words.

“yes matt, you can take my shirt off too.” i say with a small giggle following after it.

he lifts the fabric to uncover the same white lace bra i was wearing while i slept over at his house by accident. “mh, i’ve been dreaming about this for a while ever since i saw you in it that morning,” he kisses the lace that travels to the small connecting piece of fabric between the two cups of my bra.

“and i know you heard what chris said to me that morning, yet you still acted like nothing was wrong.” he moves his hand to my upper back placing his hand onto my bra strap, “hey, can i take this off?”

“mhm,” my lips sealed trying to conceal my response to the amazing feeling of his hands on my body, he undoes the clip on my back with skill and purpose. the touch of his fingertips grant goosebumps to my skin in a very arousing manner.

he pulls the dainty clothing article off my arms and throws it to the floor benign absolutely amazed by my tits, they weren’t much but it seemed like matt was under a spell, he latched his lips just above my nipple to give me more hickeys, he sucks and soothes repeating this multiple times before he eventually dips down to my nipple, i feel the rush of arousal arching slightly off the bed.

i moan in response to the new sensation, i’m not exactly a virgin, but i haven’t done anything like this in a while, let alone at all for god sake. he massages the other boob, playing with the nipple with his hand the opposite of the one his mouth is very focused on.

he finally comes up for air after a little bit teasing, my thighs rub together and sits up to rip his shirt off to match my level of revealing skin, off goes his sweats as well leaving him in just his boxers, “matt, oh my god” i'm out of breath and very needy.

he continues a trail of kisses down to my clothes pussy, he looks up at me while holding the stretchy waistband of my pants, i give him a vigorous nod knowing what he was asking for.

he slides them completely off leaving me in just my underwear. he plants another sweet kids over my clothed heat which milks another desperate moan from me. “matt wait-“ he immediately comes up from my bottom half and lays beside me listening to me.

“hey we don’t have too if you don’t want too, i’m down if you just wanna go to bed in the other room, or even if you just wanna stay here and cuddle for the rest of the night.” he says before i can go ahead with what i was thinking.

“no, no i really want too it’s just, i haven’t really… done this before.” i tell him, he seems almost fully unaffected by my words.

“that’s fine, i’m here to make you feel good,” he places his hand nearing my core again, he rubs my panties over my clit moving down to feel the very apparent wet spot. “wow i’ve barely touched you and your so worked up,” his voice was sultry with a hint of a condescending tone.

“m-matt please” i struggle to say feeling the pressure he's putting down onto my throbbing clit.

“i’m gonna take these off now, okay?” he says with his fingers wrapped around the thin string of my thong that’s barely covers anything.

he slips them off admiring the sight in front of him, i almost get self conscious wanting to cover myself up with his blankets. his head dips and his hands pant onto my hips and one on my inner thigh. his tongue makes very sudden contact with my clit, he sucks and swirls his tongue around it, feeling the very heavy pressure i arch my back slighting leaning forward into his face.

his finger creeps and teases my hole before he fully plunged it into me. i heavy moan escapes my lips, “quiet now princess, can’t let nick or chris hear you.”

he continues his movements stimulating both my clit and hole at the same time, “more, please” i say with a pleading tone. he removes his finger from inside of me and replaces it with his tongue and mouth. he absolutely devoured my pussy giving me as much pleasure as he could, his mouth moving back to my clip and he slid his finger back into me moving it at a moderate pace.

i don’t try very hard to conceal my very loud moans, as soon as matt enters a second finger into my dripping cunt, i release with a pornographic moan, squeezing his head between my legs. “holy shit matt,” he licks up all of my hot cum and comes back up to kiss me.

“mmh you did so well for me, you ready for me now?” i say a needy yes while he goes back to sit back on the his headboard. he removes his boxers with such haste letting his cock spring out with a bead of pre-cum leaking out. “i wanna watch you ride me, you control the pace and how deep you wanna go.” he whispers into my ear.

he lifts me on top of him, kissing him passionately while i grind down onto his twitching cock. he lets out a guttered groan “okay, let’s do this cause i could bust just from looking at you.”

he lines himself up and holds my hips while i sink down onto him. his so thick and long, i feel him in ever existing crevasse in my cunt. “fuck yes” i say letting out a heavy breath.

“holy shit you’re so tight-“ he says between his monas and hard breathes. i begin to move myself up and down slowly, whatever pain that came at first quickly moved to pleasure as i speed up my movements.

my tits bounce every time i move up or down, my movements are set at a constant pace, “matt, i think- i think i’m gonna cum.” i say, feeling his dick twitch in my pussy again.

“come for me baby, give it to me,” he says, taking me by my love handles and moving me up and down a little faster. i came hearing his words letting out a couple of breathy moans, he follows soon after me. i feel his thick long ropes of cum fill me up and come back down dripping onto his cock.

matt does a couple of slower pumps in and out of me to ride both of us through our highs. he picks me up as if i weigh nothing and puts me down beside him laying down onto the bed.

he goes into the bathroom to retrieve a small cloth and comes back to wipe me down. he does a couple of strips to pick up as much extra cum he could. i feel him hit my clit and i whimper loudly, “oh god, i’m sorry, i know your still sensitive.” once he’s finished he goes into the bathroom and cleans himself up.

fishing his boxers from the ground he slides them on and grabs my underwear and a large t-shirt from his closet. he hops onto the bed putting on my underwear and pulling me up to put on the shirt.

“mh thank you,” i say tired and groggy.

he plants a kiss onto my forehead “anything for you smart ass.”

he comes under the covers and wraps his arms around me, intertwining our legs. we sleep peacefully until the morning

taglist - @westwiing @comet235

[mariatesstruther]

I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.

I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?

okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go

i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie

ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves

shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.

i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut

ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay

ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is

okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec

y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man

we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could

point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show

tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”

tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for

and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)

but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love

so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is

again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do

but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE

so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive

and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????

so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY

we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.

(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)

and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming

so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)

AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy

the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too

so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.

i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????

it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda

but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”

WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES

maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to

so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE

[nicofics]

hey so uhm I saw you wanted to write sumthing so I decided to tell u this request :3 maybe like.. a lucifer x male, god mc reader that is a son of The goddess Nyx? Nyx is the goddess of night and has ALOT of children. And by alot I mean 1000+. She's also feared by Zeus! Also something I copied off of google -> “Children of Nyx can telekinetically move and transform their shadow constructs. The more constructs moved and the bigger they are, the more energy is drained. Children of Nyx have the ability to create intangible stars, which will light an area for a short time.„ just so you don't have to research for an huge amount of time! So yeah, male god MC/reader that's very wise, the oldest sibling, strict and more or less overly calm, protective and emotionless, lives in the celestial realm. Have fun :3 also make sure to eat and drink well, don't rush yourself and make sure to take all the time you need.

𝙣𝙤𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙨𝙚𝙚

𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

summary: you meet a certain demon during the exchange program

notes: i hope you like this!! i tried to get the characteristics in but idk how well i did 😭 im working on some hcs so they should be up by friday!!

you had just come from the celestial realm, though you were certainly not happy about leaving all your siblings behind, you knew to follow your mothers orders; plus, you could take care of yourself, maybe thats why she chose you? anyways. you were standing in the middle of the hall, 8 large demons standing in front of you, you weren’t scared, quite the opposite actually, there were two angels beside you. you had seen them about but you didn’t know much about them. after the biggest demon, lord diavolo, gave you a rundown on how everything was going to work, lucifer escorted you to the house of lamentation.

once you arrived at the large house, lucifer opened the door to you, he hadn’t seemed to stop watching your every movement like a hawk, perhaps he was wary of you? your mother is scary to some. looking around the entrance hall to the house of lamentation you couldn’t help but gawk at just how large it is, you knew how siblings were, and how destructive they could be, but still, this house was like as if it came straight out of a fairy tale

“this is where you’ll be sleeping, mc” lucifer opened a door by the stairs, a big enough room with a tree in the middle, strange, but you didn’t question it, you’ve seen weirder. “thanks” you respond, not showing much emotion while you talk, lucifer was almost taken aback, not expecting you to be so calm about the whole ordeal, luke had been upset, why not you?

“i’ll come get you at dinner, please, get comfortable until then” you gave lucifer a small nod, he then exited the room. while he was gone, you looked around the room, finding clothes that fitted you, a surprisingly comfortable bed and a bookshelf, great, now you can read in your free time

while you lay on your bed, you heard a knock on the door, you quietly walk up, twist the door knob and open it, only to reveal lucifer, again. he seemed to have a strange fascination with you, he wondered why. “dinner will be ready soon, please, let me take you down” “yes, okay” you responded, following lucifer down the grand staircase and into the spectacular dining hall. all the other six brothers were already there, eating their dinner.

lucifer guided you to a seat, handing you a plate and sitting down beside you, he knew of your status, yet still he found himself drawn to you, as if you were pulling him along on a leash. “how are you enjoying it here so far, mc?” he asked, curious of your response, hoping its been good. you gave a small nod, “it’s been fine” you took a bite of the food, it’s nothing like you’ve ever tasted before, but it was good.

[sn4pozu]

how Richard Trager uses Instagram (yes, he would use Instagram):

this is Pre-Engine Rick because realistically post-engine Rick would have other things to worry about besides instagram

30 stories a day, from dawn till dawn again this man is addicted to the layout

doesn't use stickers because hes a grown man BUT HE DOES HAVE A BITMOJI THAT HE USES RELIGIOUSLY

its half office reels, half food pics, and a quarter just rants

overuses tags to hell, even randomly mid sentence , example: "#Amazing day today at @MurkoffOfficial ! this #Work ain't doin itself 📋💻👍🏻 #Workday #Monday #Officeday #ADayInMyLife #Job"

sometimes thinks that Murkoff should totally have a social media account, he knows its dumb but he cant help wanting more followers 😔

"Suns out guns out! #Sunday with my bud @JeremyBlaireOfficial" and its a picture of them in a golf cart holding champagne (not gay, just besties)

Not to sneak in my RickJer agenda but in my minds eye they signed eachothers golf clubs

tags the location if he could he would

username is something obnoxious like 'RichardTragerOfficial' like nobody know u lil bro 😭😭😭

buys likes and followers to feed his ego

4k followers thats like 85% bots

" @McDonaldsOffical Never fails 😂😂😂 #hangovermeal #NoRegrets" and its a fish fillet with the most inhuman bite you've ever seen taken out of it

WOULD POST A SWEATY GYM MAT AND TAG THE GYM AND IT'D HAVE A DUMB CAPTION LIKE "Workout Wednesdays! 🏋🏼‍♂️💪#Wednesday #Gym #Exercise #GymPic #Muscles" HE LACKS SELF AWARENESS DONT LAUGH

would 'ironically' comment "Hot! 🔥🔥🔥" on a mans gym pic and would slutshame a womans gym butt pic

"he hurts every woman hes ever met because his true soulmate is a man" - Sock-rates

he would unironically use hashtags in a sentence for fun, also urges Jer to be more active on Instagram

imagine the most white grown man, now add curly blonde hair, uhuh now give him a gay sweater, now make him homophobic & gay, yep .thats him officer

HAS gotten scammed on instagram, he threathened legal action and got his money back and deleted their account after a week tho

weekday streaks exist to him, no hes not a middle schooler hes actually 30

look at me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't make fun of feminism in the comments section of those LibzDunked accounts

his Close Friends stories are just aftermaths after nights out, its either him drunk posting or filming himself talking to the camera about his hangover

its just Jer and a few other friends but it has the same intimacy of homosexuality

theres one video where hes drunk and actually tripped and fell so comically its been 7 months and Jer still makes fun of him for it (laughs along but actually hates it like viscerally)

he has 3 phones, both iphones and one is a samsung flip (he wanted the hype), a work phone, home phone, and his normal phone, why does he need so much? why is he not robbed yet? we will never know....

replies to those awareness posts about war in the middle east and goes like "damn.. thats unfortunate 💔 hearts goes out to them 🙏 @Chriswalker89"

most menacing instagram white man, cyberbullies as a past time and has 5 alts just focused on Harrassment+ Stalking people

he'd doxx which hospital your mother is staying in with no shame

"If you don't take that back I'm injecting your mothers spine with brain eating parasites" and he means that for real

would post corny atheist memes & misinformation

induces paranoia as a hobby "Yes ma'am i am a licensed doctor vaccines Do cause autism" as a treat

he fucks around too much one day his main gets suspended and he calls Instagram customer services

if you wouldn't think he'd try to hook up with an instagram influencer you are a liar

weekly self-help book recommendations that he doesn't read and actually just gets payed 7$ per link

im not saying he would make an alt to just hype up his own photos but he would.....do that.....

also gets blackmailed his own dick pic but whatever that was in the past

on a side note Jeremy does have a year old instagram account that only has 2 pictures (both just bar pics of him posing with a glass of wine like an idiot) and his entire Tagged section is just RICHARD TAGGING HIM IN ANYTHING

[fairycosmos]

i love you chloe i do, and i think you're very aware of the privileges you have been afforded (being white, living in a relatively secure country, food and shelter) but let's be real living under capitalism in this political landscape and the nhs doing fuckall to help people with their mental health issues and in general the cost of living crisis..... it's okay to say you're not doing well even if you have some of your basic needs met idk if this sounds rude but to me it's honestly no surprise most of us are not doing well... look around us, how could we be doing well given the circumstances of modern life. and even if you were well situated and doing well, there's also the grappling with imperalism and neo-colonialism, plus the exploitation in the workforce happening in our own countries right in front of our eyes

dw it doesn't sound rude at all!! and like ur objectively right, there's no point in playing the pain olympics with my own struggles - i rarely used to do it. i used to think: well the shit im going through is still rough so i don't need to factor in that other people have it worse when considering my own trauma. but the older i get the more it sinks in that compared to most human existences the world has ever seen, mine has been a generally comfortable and uneventful one despite the grief. ive always had food and water and a home and an education and modern conveniences and (relative) freedom a day decent physical health and certain privileges, and they're such important things that have always just been right there for me to access, out of pure luck, not even bc i am more deserving of them than those who have no access to these necessities - and i still never feel good. i still lose my mind all the time and cry basically every day and can't manage to overcome my own pain and loss and mental illness and contempt for the way society is set up. sometimes i just think to myself, if spirits are somehow real, they must look at me and see the weakest most pitiful creature ever lmfao. whew anyway i do completely get and understand your point, and i agree, despite my complicated personal emotions on the topic. i know the present moment has its own legitimate and terrible challenges, and they just seem to get worse by the day, and we probably really r in a special kind of hell when it comes to the progression of late stage capitalism. and just because our urgent needs are currently being met (and who knows how long we can keep that up, like you said, cost of living crisis etc...), doesn't mean our emotional ones are, which can still be debilitating. thats what i would tell anyone else struggling with this feeling, so i get you. i don't know, it's just so hard to cope sometimes. it's so bizarre to feel utterly depressed and slightly lucky at the same time. anyway, thank you for being a friend and a validating voice that i needed to hear. i really appreciate it. love u love u love u ❤️

[wambsgansshoelaces]

hi! i’m the anon that called u numba one 🏆 just saw ur post about living with pcos and struggling with weight loss. i don’t have pcos, but i have endometriosis and a whole arsenal of ailments that would take forever to list. oh also im a wlw like u 😁i’m not the wisest person, but i will say that you have to be kind to yourself. even when you’re crying seven times in the doctors office. feel the disappointment, and the sadness, and know that it will not go on forever. sometimes being kind to yourself is allowing yourself to be sad without feeling weak for being sad. no one knows what’s going on in your mind but you, so let it flow freely. also you’re a fantastic writer,,, i literally have your notifs on and check your page everyday, and that’s coming from someone who’s been reading fanfiction for like 10 years. not many people can envision a scene so human and translate it into words as you do. your execution is flawless, but not clinical and robotic, it evokes warmth and real emotion. you give that freely to the general public of tumblr, and you should know we love you and your beautiful brain for it. i hope you find comfort in knowing other people like you are provided with a safe escape in your writing, if only for a moment. lord knows we do.

(ps, try intermittent fasting if you haven’t already ;))

(p.p.s. call me 🏆 anon )

anon will you give me a hug

I feel like you’re the older sibling I don’t actually have- tangent but my parents aren’t exactly the best people and I’m the eldest of all my siblings so you leaving this for me in my ask box genuinely made me cry. I’m so grateful that I finally have people who care and are so kind and thoughtful 🩷 I really will try and take your advice. It’s just that I’ve felt so upset and have had so much pent up depression that it’s just so difficult for me to not think I’m a horrible person just because I’m sad all the time if you know what I mean

and yes I’m wlw and still trying to come to terms with that yk? like I wish I could be loud and proud but I just can’t bc of what’s around me

and you have notifs on??? oh my god I’m so honored!!!! I need to stop shitposting… sorry for lol of the garbage you’ve seen 🏆…

what you’ve said about my writing is on god the nicest, most wonderful thing anyone’s ever said to or about me. you don’t understand what it means to me when you say my writing evokes emotion and makes you feel things. genuinely I have no words in response to that, I’m just so honored and just happy that you think so. coming from years of just a depressed state, I’d cling to any sort of media- tv shows, films, especially x reader fanfiction because it made it like I wasn’t actually suffering and that I have someone who loves me. I know nobody wants to read about this lol but genuinely (I’ve said that a million times already), genuinely, I could die tomorrow happy knowing that my work has made people feel better or made people just happy. I’m so, so, glad that my work is an escape for you. you’re always welcome on my blog, in my ask box, in my pms, whatever. I love you so so much 🫶🏽

(I’m really trying with food… my relationship is so unhealthy with it but I’ll let you know how it goes!)

[dootdootwriting]

hi sending off anon so u know I guess Help I feel so revealed ... anyway uhm yeah I'm not really shy id say just more introverted I love customer service being able to talk to some people quickly and maybe compliment them and make a part of their day good, I love crafting like crochet and knitting, more crochet; I love puzzles, all forms, mainly jigsaw since thats all I have time for most times but also those kanoodles where you fit x amount of pieces into a box yknow? math and science are my favorite Who could've guessed and I enjoy cooking. I think food is a beautiful language, and want to travel to try authentic foods. Man of many talents. I dont read as much as I want to but I write a lot and I love gaming, more action like God of war and resident evil and I dont play many multi-player other than stardew valley and animal crossing if you count that. Im not entirely sure what to put else other than I love cats. Anyway thank you for taking my money ♡

HI. i think you're a little insane for sending me money but tysm regardles <333 here's your matchup! enjoy

i match you up with cyno!

♡ cyno will play ALL the puzzles with you. i'm willing to bet money that the two of you have lighthearted puzzle competitions where you time yourselves doing a simple puzzle and see who finishes first. or alternatively, every year you bring out a puzzle and time yourselves completing it together and try to beat your record from the year before. �� as for the crafting/crocheting: if you so choose to make him anything, cyno will wear it. he has a little sweat band you made him on his wrist for when the desert gets particularly scorching. on top of that, he will wear absolutely anything you make him. he's shown up to meetings, intimidating as ever, with a little crocheted beanie on his head. ♡ cyno has is own kind of customer service voice; it's terrifying. he doesn't even mean for it to be, he just scares people. so as precaution, he brings you along to properly explain things to people in his stead. it makes for fun take-your-boyfriend-to-work-days

♡ for valentine's day, as soon as he gets home from work, he tells you to leave the room and not come back until he calls you. after he does call you back in, you're met with a giant heart-shaped gigsaw puzzle, all in pink, possibly the most difficult puzzle you've ever seen. in addition to that, cyno has clumsily set up streamers around the room (that are very close to falling off), set a few candles around, and bought some valentine's craft kits for the two of you to work on together. you spend the evening chatting about work and how your days have been - not unusual between the two of you, but made special because of cyno's display of love. he doesn't do too well on his craft kit, but he does do well on joking about it the entire time. you hang it on the wall in your bedroom.

[smoosnoom]

moon! a writing genius, a modern phenomenon, a light of my life!

it was so cold yesterday and im the monster who needs fresh air and who keeps her window open. ur fic single-handedly kept me warm (and was my cure for hungover during today’s rereading. but it’s kinda. unrelated.).

i looove oblivious will! i’ve always wondered what excuse for mike’s behavior he would found be this time. is he holding my hand? probably because im freezing. is he hugging me too long and too tight we’re best friends, and he misses me for the two hours we haven’t seen each other. is he kissing me on the mouth? he’s just a european.

““Do you come here often?”” such a bad flirting line 😭😭😭 mike should be happy that will likes him.

“There are two bags of cat food sitting underneath their shelf of garden tools. They have never owned a cat.” this is so my grandma coded. i love her but does she really need these 3 rugs that no one’s roll out in years?

“all Will can think about is the brush of Mike’s leather jacket against his bare arm.” good thing will can resist shivers.

“Her eyes remain on Will for a second longer, before she looks away.” max is giving him ikwya look but will is too busy to find excuses for mike’s behavior to notices 😔

““Is that mine?” “Goodnight,” El evasively replies instead, and promptly makes her exit.” she is so 🫶🏻 i love el so much she’s so squishble ♥️♥️♥️

4 “hello” and 3 “okay” guys 😭😭😭

“And, for a brief moment, Will imagines that Mike had been thinking of him, too.” this reminded me of “I hope you'll forgive me for the nights that I'll be fantasizing, hoping that you're thinking 'bout me too” from demi lovato song. it doesn’t fit the vibe of the work. just this particular line.

“he doesn’t hate dances, he only prefers staying at home and doing practically anything else” he’s so real for this 🙏🏻

okay mike. if el wants slushie it’s december, but if will wants ice-cream u’ll pay for it. seems a little two-faced.

““my mom raised a gentleman.”” he’s so cute when he’s trying to woo someone

“he feels the ridges of Mike’s fingertip brush against his lips” it’ll never stops giving me butterflies ♥️

sorry dustin, but lucas is right. “shrek 2” Is better.

“He’s momentarily forgotten everything ever in his life.” LMFAOOO

““It’s a good side to be on.”” i can’t vouch for the rest, but in this dispute, definitely yes

“And that – that makes sense. It makes much more sense than Mike asking him out.” will Wake up 😭😭😭

“That is to say, with Will being friendly enough and expressing no interest in any women whatsoever, it seems to have the opposite effect on attracting them” will who attracts girls is so real and canon.

“He looks – almost mean, scowling like that with his arms crossed, standing a little taller and looking like a shadow beside Will.” poor maria was anxious before but now she’s probably scared af

““She just asked you out to the dance, and you guess she likes you?” “I didn’t want to assume!”” he doesn’t even know that he’s popular among girls 😭😭

“he refuses to think about my date on the drive home.

It’s haunting him.” bc u need to stop find excuses!!!

“Mike is hard not to think of, a notion only emphasized when he seems to haunt every corner of Will’s mind.” this is sososo beautiful. im not gonna say im the biggest fan of ur writing but i think i might be close!!

“Maybe he’s finally going delusional” ohhhh c’mon!! u mentioned electricity urself. a couple of times!!

““Wait, hold on. Why are you looking?”” yeah dustin. explain urself.

“using his left hand to poke at the school’s lasagna, and his right hand curled around Will’s” that might be so uncomfortable. the boy down bad 😭😭😭

“Will wants to lean over and smother him in kisses, wants to press a kiss onto Mike’s hand in his, wants to grab Mike by the shoulders and shake him and beg, What does this mean?, wants to pick the orange up and shove the entire thing in his mouth in one go, wants to bite Mike all over, wants to hug him and never let go, wants to do everything, anything.” me 2 u when u post new fic. or in general. who knows? 😚

“something else lingering underneath his skin, and it makes him feel nervous, antsy, makes his stomach feel twisted over and under” [whisper] ✨electricity✨

““It was his idea,” Max plainly states, but Lucas wraps an arm around her waist, and she doesn’t move away” i love them 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

“Dustin chatting with some guy that looks an awful lot like Jake Fischer, and Will files it away to make fun of him later.” seems like dustin has a type

“Will knows he isn’t imagining it” FINALLY 🥳🥳🥳

““You – you didn’t know?”” maybe u both should learn to use ur mouth to talk

““you said – as friends.”” fun fact will actually gaslighted himself to think so. mike never mentioned going as friends

“had given him half his orange and half his heart” i love that line 🥺♥️

“wrapping a hand around Mike’s sapphire-striped tie, and pulls him in for a kiss.” HE PULLED HIM IN A KISS BY A TIE 😭😭😭

“Will feels so warm, so summery in the dead of December, and he supposes that’s how it always is when he’s with Mike.” my boys in love 😭😭😭

““Joining our friends,” Mike lists, but his eyes betray him when they glance at Will’s mouth” i hope they made out the whole dances

“This time, when they kiss, Will’s mind is entirely blank” that what he deserves!!!

u r sorry again even though u have nothing to apologize for. u r great, this fic is great, everything u do is great!! please don’t Ever second-guess yourself!!!

love u. have a nice day 🤍🤍🤍

alya my sweet danish treat . the amount of time i spent staring at this ask This is the size of my philosophy essays probably !!! oh my god

i hope u had fun with ur friends (altho im answering this a long while after) and that ur hangover wasn't too bad ! also oh my god ur windows open in the midst of winter ?? i can't even blame u sometimes my fan is just not enough !!!!

will is just like me fr i am doing mental gymnastics to find a reason for everything, altho im probably the touchiest and overly friendly person alive 🥴 im a big fan of oblivious will personally, he is so smart but Willfully stupid when it comes to mike <3

HELELEP 😭😭 mike sucks at flirting it's a truth what can i say !!!

iam also a little bit of a hoarder i love keeping everything 😭 ur grandma is so real

ENOGUGUH WITH THE SHIVERS 😭 WHEN WILL U LET ME LIVEEEE

ikwya look 😭 HEEELPE

el my squishmallow 🫶

byler are loser4loser ok its not my fault they're loserish 😕

omg u and ur demi lovato liking .. maybe i will have to check out her songs .....

SHREK 2 IS BETTER UR RIGHT !!!!!! U GET MEEEE

"will Wake up" 😭 LMAMAOOOOAO

will byers hawkins heartthrob REAL

im letting u and haven bookinit figure out who's the biggest fan of my writing . i am Not getting involved in that dispute

mike wheeler would start using his nondominant hand to hold will's hand its so true and real i see it so clear

gna post Every day until u give in ! 😚

will my little gaslighter 🌟🌟 he is a little crazy and delusional but u know what they say . Crazy Together 🙂

YAYEY I LOVEEE KISSES where they pull them in by the tie !!!! one of my favorite kiss tropes omg

☹️ ur always so nice to me !!!!!! ihope none of my fics ever disappoint u, love u alya !!! 🤍🤍🤍

[ranvame]

one year older

everything became so clear to make us believe that life was short, last time i was a girl who love to enjoy my moms food living a beautiful laugh for my dad, loving sisters and brother and for many dearest friend, now im more older to face my life

i want to thankful that i can feel how life till now cus many people outside there didn't get a chance to achive what they want have to be, well that was something that we have to grateful for, something smash for yourself to getting better day by day

im so grateful that i can see clear, i can hear msny songs, i can taste spicy, i can smell so good, i can feel, i can dance, i can walk, i can eat, everythings the little things become so valuable for you who become older

we never know what were going to face even tomorrow, in hours, minutes, or even second. So we never know are you going to left this damn world tomorrow or even just in a minute left. It is what it is what something that will be happen it will happen, im just enjoying my life as myself in this world there's so many things that i want to say to myself that u already work hard for this body and soul.

for my mom and my dad, you are more than everything in this world i can't aside a love that i feel when i was around you. I can't imagine that day will come to me when u have to let me grow as a human body when i was alone in this space and you just left me, im always hope that u will be get healthier more day by day. Because when i lost you, everything even the little things part of me never gonna be the same

For my sisters and brothers just fucked up, i dont care are u gonna feel what i fell you guys just a bunch of a selfish human that i ever seen, but aside of that im thankful for a moment and the lessons that i've got. I hope you guys can live a life that u wanted and enjoy for that

for my friends especially for ayu nadya and nisya, i met ayu and nadya when i was in high school and nisya in college. I love them sm im just love them and i cannot describe what meaning love of friendship, i just can say i really cannot let them go and i dont want to lose them really and so bad, like you already put your little hope into someone so you dont want to lose that hope

and for me, i know you were tired , you always trying to be perfect, to get a chance, to get everything that u want. If i can say something to my little me i said "i hope there's a time machine i want to go back in the moment that i dont have to think about many things"

It's so clear to me to see when u became older, everything moment in the past that you think before gonna be the moment that you can feel in the future and its like a circle just like people said "you're gonna feel what ifeel " like when i was junior i was to think to be in high school, and when i was in high school i use think how is it fell in college and next on it just a like circle life till u die

aside of that, important to me to feel what i feel rn. If i said that im okay than im not trully okay. Something that i really hate from myself when i have to aside the feeling when i want to tell how is it so hard so bad just because you scared of people that will be compared the hard moment that you've been through between them. so what you gonna do? well im just being shut down and yeah just let it

But more that you being shut up you feel that you save the toxic traits in your heart day byday became like a cell of cancer its broken and its spreading to the other cell and you died

So after all for now im trying my best to giving the best for myself i put myself become my top priority, i have to do something that will be the right way for my life. Im trying to aside the holes that im going to fall, i dont know if that going to be that deep if i fall, i have to wake up and im gonna trying hard again and again to reach the top no matter how much i fall again and again.

cause your life was short all you have to do in this world you cannot stay away from your god if you always stay on the way then you're gonna feel that world is a little hard things that you have to face

happy birthday bila, there's so many things that i have to say to you, but i think you already know it dept of my heart

you're the cutest girl that i ever seen and gonna be always, you precious than just a words

love from me now you have to forget your teenage moment bye bye and say hi to your real life

[eevyerndracaneon]

Hey, I don't mean to intrude or anything, being a stranger on the internet and all. Don't feel the need to answer this ask or anything but, I just hope you can hear me out and maybe something I say can help a bit... I've seen some of your posts today, I'm sorry you're going through the ringer. I've got a good couple of friends who deal with the very similar struggles and whatnot, so I just wanted to say pretty much what I always tell them regarding some of what you're feeling. I dunno your specific situation, and I know a lot of things are way more difficult to just outright fix than some people will say it is, so I'll keep this more general. And some of what I will say you might already know, but I feel they bear repeating. First off, your worth as a person is not tied to your ability to make money, or work a job or anything like that. You are a person, and that makes you valuable. No person or thing can ever take that from you. Second, never feel bad about wanting to interact with your friends and loved ones. Even if you're in a bad mood, I'm sure they'd love to spend time with you. Social needs are just as important as any other need, so do not feel guilty of them, and don't hole yourself up if that's not what you need right now. A friend of mine (and I do also to an extent) does this all the time and after they always reflect that it only hurt them.

Third, I'm sorry about whatever issues you're dealing with, with family or otherwise, I know how difficult that can be. There are no easy solutions, but, like, you just gotta keep carrying on, you know? Even if there's no option out today, there might be one down the road. On a lighter note, I think your art style is charming! I think you could get some commission work if that's something you wanted to do, it's less on your skill and more on confidence and a bit of luck, I think. Even if today sucks, it doesn't define you tomorrow and not all days will be like this. None of what you're going through defines you or your worth as a person. You've got this, and your friends and loved ones have your back. Keep on being you, A concerned stranger

ah right i did vent really hard on here huh, thanks for sending this out-

i've been vague overall with my posts bc im just going thru it today so some of what you've said doesn't apply but i can't fault you for it, since i didn't rly explain anything

i've tried for a few years now to have art as a job that i could maybe help pay for rent with if i ever moved out, but i just didn't get enough comms to even get to that point. u-u i'd LOVE to just draw for money but it just didn't rly work out the way i expected. maybe i'll give it another shot, i dunno (I'd have to increase my prices again for 2023....)

the house i live in rn is the one belonging to my partner's family. so i live with my partner. my boyfriend is long distance (i'm polyam if that hasn't come across with some of my posts) and i desperately wish i could live with him as well. my partner's family is amiable, but not exactly super friendly or welcoming. especially not if i was openly trans. (they have a trans daughter but refuse to treat her with respect so she cut herself out of their life years ago) my life is kinda trapped in my partner's room, in a corner, so i really don't feel like i have a home. it sucks, but at least im surviving and have a roof over my head and food to eat and warmth in the cold and cool in the heat.

you're completely right on the social front. i think a lot of us forget this. my boyfriend and a friend of mine both reached out to me an hour or so ago bc they were worried abt how i wasnt around like, at all, and i basically got the same thing from them. "its okay to be around, we can try cheering you up"

and finally the big one. i understand capitalism is trash for making us all think we need to make money to deserve life. i hate that i need to make money to be able to live on my own. luckily im not sitting here thinking im worthless solely bc i cant get a job or make money. but i need money to get a place to live in on my own, apartments need rent, houses need mortgage payments, and then food and bills and all that crap. i need a job for that to get pulled off. and i've been trying to get a job! i've been applying to places since the beginning of december! but no place has accepted me. i've gotten like three interviews. nothing else. its just really infuriating. all of my friends, even my boyfriend, are getting new opportunities, new places to live, new goals new motivations new everything. and im just kinda stuck.

today was really hard. all of these feelings welled up over the past half a year and i think just finally crushed me into the dirt today.

so its just kind of a sad day. im doing what i can now to make it better even if only by a little bit. but oof.

thank you anon for popping in and checking up on me, it means a lot <3