#i mean. i could probably make it work this year but i also rly want to do Nico's escape b4 outfit

[sleepyjim2]

incomprehensible yap in the tags tldr im just not doing well i guess

[arolesbianism]

Grrr

[heartsoji]

falling in love with your roommate, suna rintaro

roommates to lovers

a/n: i haven't read the manga so i don't rly know anything abt rin's fam situation - sorry if any info is incorrect loll also this is more of like a college au?? idk if rin went to college but here it is

a/n pt. 2: i kinda switch between using rin and suna sorry

"rintaro!"

"what?"

"aren't you tired of living in my home, still? you're 21! i'm sure all of your friends have moved out already, right? most of them probably moved out at 18, but you haven't budged an inch!" mrs. suna scolded.

"yeah, yeah, pipe down, mom. i'll move out soon, i promise."

"no! it was fine that you stayed home for your freshman year of college, and i thought that you'd start being independent for your sophomore year, but you're still completely dependent on us! you don't cook, buy groceries, clean, or do any work around here! what are you going to do when you've graduated and you don't know how to run a washing machine?"

"yes, yes, i'm sorry."

"and i was very understanding of the fact that you didn't want to move into a dorm, but aren't you tired of commuting hours away when you could just get a closer apartment?"

"mhm, mhm."

she sighed. "rintaro, you know im only saying this because i care about you. i want you to be independent and strong, you know?"

"yep. i just booked an apartment tour via online."

"and i- huh?"

yeah.

soon after he decided the apartment was in good enough condition to be living in, he rented it out and moved in.

on his moving day, he met you.

"hi! you're.. suna rintaro, right? sorry i wasn't there on your tour day. i'm your new roommate, l/n! nice to meet you." you said, a friendly smile on your features.

stoically, suna replied, "good to meet you."

at first, you and suna kinda kept to yourselves. you were polite to each other, of course, but there wasn't much talking, only coexisting.

that is, until you discovered his grocery bills.

"$18... you've been surviving on $18?!" you looked at him in shock.

"yeah. is that weird?"

"damn right it is! what are you even buying?"

"well.. i don't know how to cook anything, so i mostly order door dash. my grocery bill is from instant ramen, chuppets, eggs, and milk."

you stare at him blankly.

"you've been eating nothing but door dash, instant ramen, candy, eggs, and milk for the past 2 months?"

"yeah."

this guy.

he just stands there awkwardly at you laugh at him.

from then on, you two become closer.

you taught him basic recipes to make using groceries you taught him to buy, (imagine his shock when his bill came out to be like $60.. and you were like "bro that's normal") you taught him how to use a washing machine, ("oh, so you put the detergent in this compartment..") etc. just basic household chores, but he was so impressed.

eventually, you two stopped being friendly roommates and just became friends.

he was a good listener. you'd rant to him about your problems, no matter how insignificant, and he'd listen to you carefully, and you never felt like your problems were stupid whenever you talked to him.

you two started hanging out a lot. you'd study together at cafes, go to amusement parks on weekends, and just chill at home together.

and as much as you hated to admit it, you had started developing feelings for your roomie.

i mean, how could you not? he was tall, handsome, kind, funny, cheeky, and it certainly helped that you got to see him all tired in the mornings.

you didn't really know if he felt the same way, but if he did, he was a real bitch, because at some point, your relationship became kind of flirty, and he'd give you butterflies on a daily basis.

you two would watch scary movies and he'd let you cling to him, giving your terrified features a teasey smile every now and then.

he'd walk around the apartment with his toned abs out, and his sweats dangerously low on his hips.

when you guys went on walks, he'd give you his hoodie if it got cold.

whenever you'd go on long rants, he'd just stare at your face with love in his eyes. "and then i-what is it, rin?" "nothing, pretty."

like sir you can't just do that. you're too handsome to do that without risk of heart explosion.

then, one day, unexpectedly, he popped the question.

you two were watching a cheesy romcom for the 5th time, sharing a pot of instant ramen, and at the same moment that the male lead said to the female lead, "i like you. a lot. i have for a while now," rin did too.

it wasn't grand.

it wasn't loud.

it wasn't annoying.

you weren't even sure if he meant it.

but when you saw him looking at you, nervous, awaiting a response, you knew he did.

so, at the same time the female lead said, "me too," you did too.

then, with the cheesy romantic music playing in the back, you guys gave each other cheesy smiles, and he planted a cheesy peck on your cheek.

it was subtle.

it was sweet.

it was cheesy.

it was familiar.

it was uncharacteristically romantic and sentimental.

it was just like how your future relationship with your roomie and best friend, suna rintaro, was going to be.

[tazmiilly]

a better world dimension thoughts below. SORRY ITS LONG

been thinking recently about how I view the better world dimension. the past couple of months have sort if changed how I perceive it mostly bc I sort of hate how it's sort of written in the journal.

certain things didn't change like "oh wow they fucked up Fiddleford's design etc etc" and "how the hell did ford and fiddleford start talking that doesn't make sense" but more so just the overall idea of the dimension did change to me. like okay but these things did happen even if I can't figure it out LOL

i really didn't like how the dimension was sort of written off as terrible because it went so differently from the one we're used to. stan took the journal which means no mystery shack. which. people don't like. but ford never went through the portal. which is great! except a lot of people just sort of assumed that means stan never came back. it's sorta like when ford said he wanted his house back a lot of people assumed he was kicking stan to the curb. he wasn't. he just didn't want the mystery shack to be taking over his house.

i think there's a lot of ways you can view the better world, but they don't always have to be so depressing and bleak lol. I think if ford was able to come to some kind of agreement with stan and NOT end up in a fist fight with him, then they probably ended up speaking on agreeable terms. ford trusted stan enough to reach out to him for help, and if stan takes the journal and disposes of it safely like ford wished he would (even if it wasn't by boat since he couldn't afford that) he would be showing ford he could trust him even more. and I don't think ford would've ignored that.

its sort of hard to describe, but it feels like they wanted people to use his viewpoint on the better dimension as a judge on his character at that moment in time. they wanted to use ford saying "well this is a better world!" as him not learning this valuable life lesson yet or something. which is sort of sad. I mean if ford can have the recognition in a field he has worked so much of his life in so he can understand what it's like to not be treated as a joke to society AND get to be next to his best friend why is it that there has to be a "so this means stan gives up in a fight, takes the journal and maybe dies" like that's rly sad honestly?? I feel like there can be nicer ways of viewing this especially since we have ...next to no info....especially about stan. idk idk

its also a little sad that these ideas have to come up in a dimension where ford is successful and doesn't go through the portal, get his identity stolen, and becomes homeless for 30 years...

[jjmorelikeotp]

Okay so I am watching BTVS for the first time in my life & I'm currently on season 6 E 14, and one thing I really really love is how Spike is just so...comitted.

With Angel, I personally had the feeling he was grieving the person he could be, all sad and sappy in his misery that kinda clung around him all the time (ik we're calling spike a drama queen but. THAT MAN? Depressed himbo vibes. No offense.) Even though he had a soul, there was this feeling of self pity in him - and it makes sense considering the fact he probably knew that one true moment of happiness would turn him back into a monster, and that is rly depressing tbh.

Does not change the fact that Buffy being underage when being with him is totally absurd and predatory, there, I said it.

He is kind of the big scary monster guy and sometimes she does seem like a normal 16 year old, and by that, naive or simply, young.

It made me feel like she was prey, not gonna lie.

It is what stopped him from truly comitting to Buffy. I mean yeah, their love was pure and they definetely are soulmates in some way. They truly affected each other's fate.

But this is where Spike is different than Angel as well. He is truly COMITTED to what he's doing, he is all in for buffy. Like, the way he offers to make money for her when she needs it? That offer is NOT a deal-kind-of-offer. He truly wants to help her and it is so casually because he already is in full partner mode, in whatever way she needs. Offering comfort when she has to work a double shift (yeah by fucking outside, mkay, just the spuffy way ig) like that because he is actually afraid she will lose her sanity? Even though they drive each other insane? Yeah these scenes are not talked about enough.

In that same scenario, Angel never even would have showed up. He would have waited in front of the building after Buffy ended her shift, maybe. He never even offered to be in her life like that, while both of them found a million excuses for it. But Spike does not. He just simply does stuff that COULD be the solution if he ever even thought of them being a problem.

And I think that is also why he's so pissed about Buffy going on and off about him - to Angel, she seemed so comitted, but to him, he just does not seem to be able to.

And again, it make sense, but I also think we don't talk enough about the fact that Buffy did indeed kill Angel, when it wasn't even necessary as in "he was soulless and a monster" anymore. Even though she loved him. But only when she had a really really good reason/purpose.

So one thing that might be also pushing her away from spike is the thought of having to do that again, and desperately trying to find the purpose without being able to.

He makes her choose wether she wants to be the prey or the hunter in this. On purpose. To show her her options and her power because she never really got to experience both sides / perspectives with Angel OR Riley.

So while she tries to figure out 1. Her reason why she should kill him (which should be a very very valid one so she can bring up the power to do so) 2. Her life's purpose in general, he just ... delivers purpose, not to her, but as in, her being the purpose. That's what he acts like and That's what she can't handle. Yes, she is the reason he is trying to change, but also, he puts her in the Position of being the purpose of him doing that.

Showing her the self responsibility and ability to be her own purpose and make her own decisions. (After her friends all kind of screwed up that kind of SELF responsibility.) He really does man up in this show, and like I said, these are just my thoughts watching it for the first time (did not see angel the series yet).

He is also holding her accountable even though he has a soft spot for her, and she is not used to that. She treats him like a man, yes, but he treats her like an equal as well and always has. She is used being looked down upon by adults or the council, enemies, blablablah, also her friends who "saved" her earlier this season, or being the superslayer hero and leader who has to do everything. She is always in positions. Even with angel, she was, it kind of stopped when they broke up but even then, he treats her like she does not know SHIT. Something is standing between them and always has been, and while Angel kind of used that as an excuse to keep distant and keep their walls up, Spike uses these exact walls as a reason or challenge to tear them down. Spike never acts like things are not his fault even if they are horrible, he just simply accepts his dark side while still having a normal one, with passions on tv and card games and whatever. He *subconciously* takes responsibility even before having a soul, for stuff he did, he doesn't blame his vampire side or whatever for it.

I think in subtext, Buffy always had a slight commitment to angel, as in "maybe, one day, it can still happen" while angel cut off all those hopes for himself (not his desires, maybe. But his ... solution oriented search or smth) as we can see when he visits her at her mom's funeral.

And one other reason why Buffy is so terrified of that whole Spike thing is because it makes her stop that hope for angel or resolve that feeling of being owned by (her feelings for) him.

And don't get me wrong, Spike is kinda possessive too, but as I see it he is trying to commit to a relationship where she can own herself and that is what terrifies her truly.

(That's what we see him do with drusilla from the beginning)

You understand what I mean? If you got thoughts on it let me know!

[kae-karo]

fic roundup 2024

PHEW it's been a year !!! i've posted a whopping 70 fics?? across 31 different ships for blue lock,,,,,which is kind of insane lmao i think that's the most ships i've ever written for???? in a SINGLE year???

anyway without further ado, my fave fic i posted in each month!

jan - the mall au !!! (x) a smorgasbord of ryusae, hiorin, kaisagi, kurobachisagi, and kunigiri, where everyone works at The Mall !!! i had a blast with the sdse especially, they are always so dear to my heart

feb - this mcd sae / past ryusae / ryurin getting together fic (x) that i just. i really tore my soul out a little writing this one (in a good way) and i love them sosososo much

mar - age gap rnis (x) god the only thing i love more than rin despising isagi and wanting to destroy him is when he's so downbad for isagi it makes him look stupid !!!!

apr - tabiori with my beloved dom sadist hiori (x) iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou i mean look i love karasu too but this hiori is sososo good to me dfkljjkldsf

may - naturally, the kiis fic i wrote after we got kaiser's backstory (x) i just love making him vulnerable i love isagi tolerating it in the most isagi way !!!! they make me ILL!!!!

jun - the first fic in the wedding au !!! (x) ryusae my beloveds !!!! i brainrotted over this au for so long and i rly loved writing sae's jealousy and possessiveness it's such a good look on him

jul - hands down the saesagi angel fic (x) this fic consumed my entire being while i was writing it. i reread it probably dozens of times before i posted. spiritual successor to KNOCK.ME.OUT in terms of the way it holds a piece of my heart

aug - this is hard bc rpw BUT it's gotta be the inspection and lubrication of seacocks (x) bc between the first fic and that one my ryukara brainrot rly set in hard. i may or may not be working on another part to this au lmao

sept - ough HAS to be the rnseis !!!! (x) another i could reread a billion times, i really feel like i cooked with this one. got rin having confused feelings abt sae, dom isagi, plenty of smut, and rnse tentative reconciliation. banger after banger tbh

oct - IT'S A TIE i refuse to decide so soft karasae summer vacation (x) AND horny not-technically-gay-sex gay sex rinsae cannibalism (x) which i adored both of for very different reasons lmao

nov - a doozy of a month with lots of prompt fics BUT i still have to love my dairy farmer kaiser kiis fic (x) above all. what can i say, i love making kaiser insufferably vulnerable around isagi and making isagi insanely determined to. be around him.

dec - i swore i wasn't gonna write this til i was done with the mall au but somehow it snuck up on me anyway so i wrote an entire 'stuck in an airport' fic (x) with some fun rarepairs (ryukara, otoya/chigiri/sendou, kunibarou, raiku) plus kaisagi which isn't remotely rare lmao

honorable mentions + other stats + future plans below the cut!!

phew so a solid 70 fics, 31 different ships, over 500k words, 67k hits and 7k kudos

kudos-wise, y'alls faves were all to myself (x), it's rotten work, especially to me, especially if it's you (x), the thought of you is wrapped around my neck (i'm choking) (x), my favorite poison (x), and up in the air (x) !! so predominantly kaisagi fans this year lmao

honorable mention fics:

touch tank (x) my beloved ryusae and one of my earliest trans sae (or trans anyone bllk) fics and also just. the idea of insecure sae is so dear to my heart !!!!!

all i want to be, all i ever want to be (x) some very soft and slightly fraught kaisae, returning to my roots lmao. genuinely tho i really liked writing this one in particular, just....soft

card carrying member of the fuck isagi yoichi club (x) kira/kaiser i had a VISION okay !!!!! thank u to pwc for having kira as one of the only early-game characters and making me think abt him again lmao

it's rotten work, especially to me, especially if it's you (x) i always love kaisagi but i ESPECIALLY love soft kaisagi, i love kaiser out of his element and leaning on isagi, i love isagi so deeply obsessed with kaiser that he can't help but fall for him

if you can't beat 'em (x) which i wrote and posted BEFORE ACTUAL KAISAGI TEAMUP and i still think them crushing noa would've been fun but i suppose this is fine too lmaoooo

thank u all for joining me in 2024 and there will certainly be more to come in 2025! <3

since u have made it this far, some things i'll hopefully be doing in 2025:

kaiser/nanase! i didn't get it finished in time for kaiser's bday but i still want to write it!!

more karasae AND more ryukara! karasu quickly becoming a fave so hopefully yall enjoy him too lmao

shidou ryuusei's guide to transing your gender and homoing your sexual !!!!

mall au part 2!!!!

more saesagi. i am too downbad for them lmao

something hopefully for sdsern week !!!! i have one idea i might roll with we shall see

oviposition it has to happen it's been too long i'm finding reasons to put it into like every fic i'm working on lmao i need to get the brainworms out lmao

maybe if i'm very brave i will also be working on my original story!!

[phykios]

If I Were A Blackbird, part 16 [co-written with @darkmagyk] [read on ao3]

Did you make it back okay? You didn’t text 🙁

[read, 10:47am]

????

Sorry got back kind of late Got lost in exarchia lol

Isn’t exarchia dangerous? Are you ok? 

Nah it was np Ive seen worse at santa con

Ok

Everything good with you?

?

Whatever hans needed you for last night

Oh yeah it was fine Turned out to be a nothingburger Im sorry i ruined our date

Its fine

…

…

Hey i just checked with my car service and they said you didn’t call them last night? 

Yeah i just caught a taxi Only out a few euro

…

…

When are you free next week? I wanna make it up to you 

Its rly fine

Ok well i want to see you Before coach peterson traps you in the boathouse and wont let you leave

Lol What are you doing thursday? 

Breakfast with the finns then 10 hours of teams meetings Does saturday work?

Practice

🙁 

What abt sunday morning? We’d have to be done by 2

I can do sunday!! How do you feel about dawn? 

—

A risky proposition–for her, not for him. Percy had no trouble waking up early, while Annabeth more than lived up to her night owl reputation. 

But she had to make it up to him. She had to give him something spectacular. 

Percy had clearly been so hurt the other night when she’d made him leave. And he had every right to be. She wanted him to be her partner, in all things. Even though that didn’t mean he could join her in fighting a dracena or a draugr or some other dangerous creature, it did mean he should be able to know about what was going on. Know about every aspect of her life. And even though the other night had not ended up being such a big issue, there had been dozens of monster fights over the last four years where all she wanted when it was over was to curl up with Percy and tell him what was really going on. Seek his comfort and support. 

Percy Jackson was a world class cuddler. They should give him a gold medal for that. 

She had known for a long time she needed to come clean. She needed to tell him everything. But this moment was really the line. It was creating divisions she didn’t like, that he didn’t deserve. And she wanted to share everything with him. Seek his advice and comfort and love as she navigated the challenges of being a demigod. 

So, she had to stop pushing him away. It wasn’t fair. Percy had supported her 100% in all things since they first got together–the hecticness of royal life, her own demigod and ADHD flightiness, even her Harvard family pride. 

He deserved better. 

It steeled her resolve.

She had planned the event to a T, stocked up on Greek coffee, and called in an enormous favor with the Ministry of Culture to organize a private tour of the Parthenon for the two of them, just after dawn. The sacred hill, usually overrun with tourists, would be, for once, deserted, and they would have the place wholly to themselves. They’d get to walk the ruins together, alone, get to look out at the sun rising over the sea he sailed on, and then she would take his hand, and she would finally tell him everything. Let him into the most secret parts of her life. 

The only hard bit had been figuring out what to wear. She wasn’t sure if she’d brought anything for this trip that wasn’t blue. She’d packed one bag, and Helen had packed the big one for her, but she’d acquired so much blue over the last four years that most of her closet had ended up blue, too. But she wasn’t about to go on possibly the most important date of her life without having an outfit ready to go by morning. 

Blue was the obvious choice, but was also possibly jinxed–she couldn’t remember the last time she had worn blue on a date with Percy without being attacked by a monster. White, again, had a ton of bridal baggage, and she didn’t want to pressure him into doing anything, not when she was about to drop a mythological bomb on him.

So. What to wear. 

She had spent probably upwards of an hour, wrapped in her bathrobe and conditioning her hair, as she sat cross legged on the bed, agonizing over the final three options: an orange romper with a gold belt and stilettos, the two-piece lemon-printed outfit from a D&G collection a few years back with flats, or the purple sundress with raw edges and a pair of white sneakers. 

When she laid it all out, it was kind of obvious. Her mother’s temple, where millions of tourists walked each year, was not really known for its crisp, even walkways. Or its non-slippery marble.

The dress, she decided. Not just for the shoes, but for the color, a surprisingly intense hue for such a casual fabric. Deep and dark, like wine spilled over the ocean. Very Homeric. Hopefully he’d like it.

She bounced her sneakers against the interior car door, probably scuffing the leather and pissing Hans off to no end, as she waited for Percy to come out of the Village. That was the problem with white. Easy to ruin. She chanced another look out the window, and sat up at the hooded figure who came out, and made a beeline straight for the car. Without hesitation, he slid in beside her, taking down his jacket hood, revealing wet hair and tired eyes that still lit up at the sight of her. “Morning,” he said, leaning in for a kiss on the cheek. “Morning, Hans.” 

“Sir.” 

“Hey,” she said. “You sleep okay?” 

“Slept alright, yeah.” 

Annabeth frowned. “You look tired.” 

“Yeah, well,” Percy shrugged. “Got a lot on my mind.” He continued before Annabeth could say anything. “I was hoping practice would tire me out, but… Probably going to need a nap after this.” 

“My hotel bed misses you,” she told him, and then only cringed a little bit as the full dorkiness of the words came to her. “You could always come back with me. You know. If you wanted.” 

He paused, then twisted his mouth in that way she knew meant he was trying not to laugh. “Maybe. But I don’t know if I’ll make it through this car ride.” 

Well, she could help with that. “Way ahead of you there,” she said, reaching for the drink caddies. “Coffee?” 

Successfully caffeinated, they enjoyed an easy, peaceful drive to the west entrance of the site. At this hour, the roads were largely clear, devoid of most traffic beyond a handful of delivery guys on bikes, or the odd clump of construction workers taking advantage of the time. It was still dark enough that the street lights were still on, the car passing beneath beautiful arches of string lights in the colors of the Olympic Rings as they rounded the corner of the National Gardens. In the distance, just barely over the tips of the buildings, she could see glimpses of the Acropolis, its columns lit up with yellow floodlights, like artificial fire. 

Percy huffed a laugh as they passed the Arch of Hadrian and the Temple of Olympian Zeus, resting his head against the window. 

“What is it?” 

He shot her a sideways glance. “It’s nothing. Just, ah… it’s nothing.” 

She frowned at the deflection. But instead of dwelling on it too much, she took his hand. “I’m really glad you came this morning,” she said, quietly. 

Smiling, he squeezed her hand in return. “Hey, me, too. I’m always happy to see you.” 

“And I’m sorry about the other night.” 

“Seriously, you don’t–” 

“I do,” she interrupted, lacing their fingers together. “You’ve put up with so much crap from me and my family and my country these last four years, and I haven’t…” She trailed off, the words drying up in her mouth. 

Percy shifted, turning towards her. “Haven’t what?” 

Been honest? Told him everything? Gods, what did she even say to that? Every other person she had ever been close to had already known the great secret. Annabeth couldn’t even remember if she had ever been told explicitly the truth of her birth and her heritage. It was just something she’d always known. Something she’d never had to question. Annabeth was a princess, her mother was a goddess, and her family was descended from another pantheon. These were the facts of her life. How was she supposed to tell him the truth? 

How do you turn someone’s life upside down like this without driving them away?

For lack of anything to say, she squeezed his hand again, and brought it to her mouth. “I have something I need to tell you,” she mumbled into his fingers. 

He only nodded, face solemn in a way it rarely was. “Me, too.” 

She sat up, a new wave of anxiety breaking over her. “What is it?” 

Taking in a deep breath, he moved his hand to her face, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone. She leaned into it, drank in the gentleness of his fingers, the quiet, deliberate touch of skin, and her heart couldn’t help but throb. “Annabeth,” he said, gathering his courage. “I… There’s…” 

“Excuse me.” 

They both jumped. Hans had rolled the car into park so smoothly, she hadn’t even noticed. 

“Apologies, highness,” he said, not at all meaning it, “but we’ve arrived.” 

And not a moment too soon. The sky above was just beginning to lighten, the shades of midnight just barely beginning to give way to gray and purple. 

Hand in hand, they strode up the wide, cobbled pathway, their steps illuminated by the floodlights. If she ignored the hum of electricity, the distant sound of car horns, or the lack of stars above them, she could almost imagine that she and Percy were in ancient Athens, making a pilgrimage in the middle of the night to the sacred temple. Perhaps she would have been a priestess, and he a guard of the city, and they were coming in secret to make a supplication to the goddess, asking Athena to release her daughter from her vows so that they could marry without incurring her wrath. 

The thought made her giddy, and she squeezed his hand, a new skip in her step. 

“You’re chipper this morning,” he observed. 

“Just happy to be with you.”

He smiled thinly, and didn’t say anything in response. 

But she didn’t care. Her whole life was about to change–for the better. She didn’t have a care in the world. 

The security guard, nursing a coffee of her own, let them in without a word. Hans trailed behind them, far enough away that they could speak privately, but close enough in case Annabeth needed some magical backup. She was lucky, she supposed. Her country’s affection for her family was high enough that mortal threats weren’t really a concern. But when they reached the base of the ramp which led to the Propylaia, Hans stopped in his tracks, waving her on. Trusting her alone with Percy. 

She nodded at him, grateful. He turned away, pulling out a cigarette. 

In silence, they continued on to the top of the hill, and Annabeth had never been more grateful for the choice to wear sneakers, giving her steady footing on the worn marble. Percy, however, wasn’t so lucky, one false step causing him to slip, teetering towards the edge of the switchbacked path. 

“Whoa!” 

Annabeth snatched him up around the waist, pulling him back towards a marble bench. “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” he breathed, shaky. “I’m fine.” He looked up at her, sheepish. “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” 

“This damn hill,” he grumbled. “I’ve been to the Acropolis, like, four times this summer, and I’ve tripped over something every single time.” 

“Well, just be careful,” she said. “If you roll your ankle, I have to carry you out of here myself.” 

“Not Hans?” he teased.

She shrugged. “I can handle it.” 

“I’m sure you could.” A beat, and then he embraced her, so suddenly it almost knocked the wind out of her. He held her close, close enough that she could feel his ragged heartbeat, adrenaline sending it racing, and she shut her eyes, breathing in the ever-present sea salt smell of him. “I love you,” he murmured into her hair. “I love you so much.” 

When he pulled back, she was shocked to see his eyes were red. “Percy?” 

“I’m fine,” he said thickly, wiping his eyes. “Come on. Daylight’s wasting.” 

Pink had begun to bleed into the sky, coloring the haze of the far off mountains, creeping ever closer to sunrise. 

They made it through the gate without further incident, and even though Annabeth had seen the Parthenon hundreds of times, in person and online and in dreams, it still stopped her in her tracks. It was a magnificent building, of course, even with the scaffolding holding it together, and she couldn’t help but mentally run through the facts for the millionth time. Pentelic marble, peripteral Doric, perfect proportions. Fluted columns, ionic capitals, no base. Eight by seventeen, slight tapering to account for human perception. Once upon a time, it had been covered in color, a bright, shining beacon of civilization, a living record of war and conquest. The Giants, the Amazons, the Lapiths and the Centaurs, the sack of Troy and the victory over the Persians–the Parthenon was a monument to it all, and to the goddess who presided over them. 

Now if only the British Museum would give back the damn statues.

“Let me guess,” Percy said. “You’re imagining what it would look like with all the marbles restored.” 

She smiled, sheepishly. “You caught me. I have another meeting with the Prime Minister next month.”

“Fifth time’s the charm?” 

“Here’s hoping.” 

“You know, you’ve corrupted me,” he said. “Before I met you, a temple was just a temple. Now every time I see a Greek temple, I have to count the number of columns. The long side is always twice the number of the short side, plus one. I never noticed that before. Not until you showed me.” 

“Sorry.” 

He shook his head. “What for? I never said it was a bad thing. Here.” He took both of her hands, and led her over to the Erechtheion, picking his way around the stones which jutted up from the grass. The pink sky was beginning to blossom into a fiery orange, streaked through with yellow, heralding the sun. “Like with the Erechtheion,” he said. “There’s so much I never noticed about this place before you–the irregular construction, the decorative elements, the whole…” he waved a hand at the stone, but never took his eyes off her. “All of it. Before you, it was just another old building.” 

“A fucked-up old building?” she recalled, remembering a warm spring night on the Aegean, tangled up with her lover on a boat and under the stars. 

He grinned, hopefully recalling the same. “The building of the mighty Poseidon,” he corrected. “I don’t think he’d be too happy to hear you call it that.” 

She didn’t think he’d be too happy with her in general, given the whole rivalry thing, but whatever. “Meh,” she echoed. “I’m dating his favorite sailor. I think I’ll be okay.” 

In the fading dark of sunrise, Annabeth saw his face fall. The gray shadow of the temple made him look ashen, pale. Afraid. 

“What is it?” 

He glanced at the temple, shoulders tight. “It’s cold,” he said, finally. “Come on. Let’s sit in the sun.” 

The sun was just about to break over the horizon, but she wouldn’t push it. 

Percy led her out of the shadow of the Erechtheion, towards the very eastern edge of the site. There, where there had once been a circular watchtower, now flew the flag of Greece, hanging limp in the stillness of dawn. She sat on the wall-bench of the observation point, back against the lip of the retaining wall, and tipped her head back. It was quiet. Seagulls cried in the very far distance. At some point, the floodlights had switched off automatically, leaving them suspended in time, colorless, hovering between tonight and tomorrow, between her past and their future.

But her future didn’t join her on the bench. He just stood there. Looking at her. 

“Percy? What’s wrong?”

She could see his chest moving as he breathed, deep and measured. His mouth hung open, and she could almost see the wheels in his brain turning as he searched for what to say. 

And then, warmth.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw the sun had just breached the mountains, the yellow glare shielded by the looming shadow of Mt. Lycabettus, the tallest point of the city.

When she looked back, Percy had dropped to one knee. 

She felt her breath catch. Felt the tears preemptively pool in her eyes. She was a princess. She was a demigoddess, a hero, a feminist, a–a shieldmaiden! She was not supposed to be the kind of woman for whom her engagement was the pinnacle of her entire life. But it was Percy, on his knee before, looking up at her with those green eyes. Looking like he belonged here, between the Athena and Poseidon shrines. She felt like she was in some sort of movie. Every perfect thing coming down to this moment. 

“I was really glad you wanted us to come here,” Percy said, “I… this seemed a fitting place for me to tell you. To say maybe the most important thing I’ve ever said before.”

“A question?” She asked, even though she probably shouldn’t have.

He smiled, lopsided and trouble-making and so, so beautiful. “Could be,” he said, and her heart nearly skipped right out of her chest. “But first…” he looked around, wary, like he was expecting something to jump out. 

Or someone.

“This is the place,” he said, after a moment of silence. His eyes were stormy–thrilling… and scary. “This is the place where Poseidon lost the contest of Athens to Athena.”

Despite herself, she felt her smile drop. It was a story she knew well, had grown up with it and been weaned on it, curled up in her father’s embrace as a little girl as he read to her from the big yellow book of Greek myths every night before she went to bed–but she didn’t know why it suddenly made the bottom of her stomach fall out. 

And then, he said, “This is the spot where… where my father lost to Athena.”

His… “Your father?” The words sounded like they came from very far away. Her face felt numb. 

“My father,” he repeated. “Poseidon. God of the sea.” 

She must be confused, she must not be understanding. An unusual place for her to be, but not impossible. Annabeth was used to being the smartest person in any and all rooms she was in. And so it only took her a few seconds to really, properly process what she was being told. To take that information in and put it up against so much else she’d seen but not really noticed over the past four years. 

“That explains so much,” she said. Her mind quickly flicked through the many details and strange little facts she’d collected, but never been able to fit together. 

At least her brain was moving too fast for her to stop for a second and feel. 

His eyebrows pulled together, that little pinch she always thought was adorable. “It does?”

She nodded, and didn’t meet his eyes. “There was a sea monster, wasn’t there? In Mérida, at the last Olympics. That’s why you lost your lead.” 

He froze, down on one knee. “...Yeah. There was.”

“And that day, when we went out on the boat, you got my hat back, and dried it with water magic,” she continued. “Hans’ team spent a truly insane number of manhours trying to track down your father. But they never could. It was like he didn’t exist.” 

“...What are you saying?” 

“I don’t think anyone ever guessed you were a demigod,” she said. “Which was probably silly. Hans should have known better. And Dad.”

He stared at her, mouth open and gaping like a– “Annabeth?”

The tears finally spilled from her eyes. “Percy,” she said, not sure if she was crying from joy or sorrow. “My mother is Athena.” 

***

Percy’s whole body went cold. The ring box was heavy in his jacket pocket, weighing him down like an albatross. “Athena?” 

She nodded, hanging her head. “Yes. I’m a demigod, too.” 

And suddenly, every little thing that had ever felt out of place snapped into a neat, logical, devastating line. 

Her proficiency with weapons–not just the hobby of some rich girl, but an innate skill. Jokes from her whole family about following the “old ways” that always seemed to hedge a little too close to seriousness. A gaping black hole where her mother should be. 

Just like him. 

How hadn’t he seen it sooner?

Stunned, the next few words just slipped out. “I didn’t know Athena could have children.” 

She snapped her red-rimmed eyes to him. “Are you calling me a liar?” 

“What? No! I just–isn’t she a virgin goddess? How would that even, uh… work?” 

“You’re a classics major,” she said, crossing her arms, hunching in on herself. He could practically see sparks of irritation flying off of her, filling the space she left empty. “I assume you’re familiar with the birth of Athena?”

“Sure,” he hedged, feeling suddenly unmoored. “She was born from Zeus’ head.”

Annabeth looked at him, pointedly. 

So… she was born the same way? “But,” he stammered, his thoughts scattered across the sacred rock, “but… you have a belly button.” 

Pretty much immediately, Percy knew that was the wrong thing to say. 

“Yeah,” she said, stony. “What, were you expecting me to be some kind of freak?” 

Okay. He was now and truly lost. “That’s not–” 

She crossed her legs, cutting him off. “Well, I’m not. I have all my extremities. Just like you.” 

“I… didn’t think you didn’t.” Because why would he? He had seen them all for himself. He had, ahem, explored all the nooks and crannies of her body, many times, had touched and kissed every extremity, every inch of skin… every inch of scar. 

He had seen her scars. Had traced the lines of them, up and down. He hadn’t commented on them, because why would he? His own body was riddled with the same scars. Claw marks and magic burns and the odd sword swipe. They were normal for him. 

They were normal for her, too. 

Because they were the same. 

So why did the thought suddenly fill him with dread? 

“When,” he started, mouth dry, “when did you know?” 

“My whole life. You?” 

“I was six. Luke told me.” It had been a weird day, but one he could look back on fondly. But right now, he could barely remember it. All he could cling to was the one shining, defining difference between them–she had known about her parentage her whole life, and he had only been told about his later. 

And then, he huffed a laugh, surprising himself. 

She frowned. “What?” 

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just figures, is all.” 

“What figures?” 

“Figures that I had to have it spelled out for me while you had it handed to you on a silver platter.”

She rounded her jaw, eyes glistening in the morning light. 

Fuck. This was not how he wanted this to go. “I–” 

“Figures for you as well,” she cut in, avoiding his gaze. “Swimming, sailing, water polo–it all comes from your father.” 

Anger, hot and spiky, lanced through him out of nowhere. “Are you saying I’m only good at what I do because of my dad?” 

She snapped her eyes to him, taken aback by his tone. “No! Of course not!” 

“Because if I wanted to coast on my genetics, I would have just gone with swimming,” he growled, surprising himself with his own vitriol. “Sailing is hard work. Keeping track of the winds, the waves, the sail, the physics–it’s hard work. And I picked it because I knew it would be hard work. Because I’ve had to work my entire life. Not that you would know anything–” 

He cut himself off, standing, before he said something he really regretted. 

Except the damage was already done.

Her hands tightened where they clutched her arms, the tips of her fingers digging into her skin. “I see,” she said, quietly. “So that’s what you really think of me.”

“No, it’s–” He sighed, hanging his head. Breathing in through his nose, he held his breath and counted to ten, before his anger got the best of him again. 

When he looked back up, Annabeth’s eyes were fixed on the ground, her shoulders just barely trembling. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That was out of line. And it’s not true.” When she didn’t answer, he sat down next to her, gratified that she didn’t at least move away from him. “I’m really sorry.” 

Stiffly, she nodded.

“It’s just… I’m sick and tired of being out of the loop. You don’t tell me you’re a princess, you make me leave for meetings–”

“That’s a national security thing–” 

“Everything about you is a national security thing!” He burst out, losing his grip. “Everything you are is some kind of secret that I don’t get to know about, even after we’ve been dating for four years!” 

“I’ve told you plenty,” she said, eyes welling up again. “I’ve told you about my dad, and my insecurities, and all my fears about me and my country–” 

“But nothing about you being a demigod!”

Her face went red. “What the hell was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, stranger, not only is my dad a king, my mom is a Greek goddess, wanna fuck?’”

“No, I just–” 

“You said I was entitled to my secrets,” she stood, pointing at him accusingly. “Just like you were entitled to yours. That was your promise.” 

“Yeah, at the beginning of our relationship, not four years in when I’m about to propose to you!”

She froze, as still and imposing as marble. Percy’s heart had crawled up his throat, threatening to choke him, and in that moment, he was overcome with the sudden need to assert himself. To let her know how she had hurt him. To speak a truth that was even more painful. 

“It’s like–it’s like I don’t even know you.” 

In one swift instant, her tears dried up, evaporating in the heat of her anger. She glared down at him, imposing and impossible, her gray eyes cold and sure and beautiful, it took his breath away.

Of course she was beautiful. Her mother–Athena–had been in Paris’s contest, after all. If Lady Athena had even half of her daughter’s beauty, it was a fucking miracle that she had lost, Helen or no Helen. 

Annabeth whipped around, her blonde curls flying in the sudden wind, making her way back towards the Propylaea. 

But she turned back to look at him, once, at the far edge of the Erechtheion, her mother’s temple to her right, and his father’s to her left. The clear concrete pathway between them felt as wide as an ocean, and just as insurmountable.

Percy felt like the Athenians, thousands of years ago, worshiping their patroness. Worshipful and fearful and in love in equal measures. 

Percy felt like his father, so thoroughly cowed, so beaten. Forever changed, forever brought down by this great and powerful woman. Brought low before her like so many men had been for millennia. 

How did you ever get over someone like her? 

He thought back to his father. And to King Frederick and a handful of awkward dinners with Princess Consort Mary. 

On both counts, Percy was pretty sure, you never did. 

He sat there where their parents' rivalry began–and was still going strong, even after all this time –for a long time, as the sun slowly crept up the sky, until the security guard from earlier came to get him. “Excuse me,” she said, not unkindly. Which was unexpected. In his experience, security guards, Greek or Swedish or otherwise, didn’t take too kindly to him. Maybe they knew something he didn’t. “We’re opening to the public soon.

Percy nodded and stood up. “Sorry.”

“Your friend left thirty minutes ago,” she said, not responding. And then, curiosity must have gotten the better of her. “So… what happened?”

“I’m not sure,” Percy said, and he wasn’t. He really really wasn’t sure. The walk back down the hill didn’t clarify things, either. 

A drink might. Or maybe a nap. Maybe he could go back to the Village, grab Jason and Frank and take them out for some midday drinks in Exarchia, take the edge off with some bro-time. 

Halfway down to the city, he stopped to lean against a green metal grate. Just on the other side was a sign, in English and Greek, pointing the way to the Pnyx, the favored soapbox of great thinkers like Socrates. 

He sighed, heavily. 

Gods, he was so fucking sick and tired of classics. 

They’d given him more than enough problems. And he wasn’t going to let classics ruin his life. Not over this. 

In that moment, he made a decision. He wouldn’t go back to the Village and drown his sorrows.

Instead, he called in the cavalry, and asked them to meet him at the Tiki Bar around the corner of the Acropolis Museum. Because he was fucking sick and tired of classics. 

“Weren’t you supposed to be having celebratory engagement sex right now?” Was Luke’s first question as he walked up to the bar where Percy had parked himself, a very bleary Nico and Hazel in tow. Honestly, Percy was surprised he had gotten the younger ones to even show up. The children of the Underworld fully lived up to their reputation as night people, and here they were, deigning to show their faces just after 8 AM.

Luke took one look at Percy’s face, and his own fell, instantly. “Kid? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Percy said, and it was true. He didn’t know what was wrong. And then he said, “Annabeth is a demigod.” That was true, but it wasn’t what was wrong. Why was that bad? It shouldn’t be bad. 

As one, all three of their jaws dropped, eyes going wide. “What?” That was Hazel, now fully awake. “She’s a demigod?” 

“That explains a lot,” said Nico, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “She had a real power vibe, but I thought maybe it was the monarch thing.” 

Percy didn’t want to even try and dissect what that meant.

“She’s a daughter of Athena,” Percy said, but for the first time in about an hour, it didn’t feel like a terrible, horrible thing. In fact, it was almost a neutral observation. Possibly even edging towards something exciting. 

Because Annabeth was a demigod–just like him. Another member of his extended family.  

Hazel gasped. “But Minerva’s a virgin goddess,” she exclaimed, aghast at the very idea. “She’s not supposed to have children!” 

“Annabeth kind of explained it,” Percy said, frowning at the memory. Brain children. It was still kind of a tough idea to wrap his head around. Even though she did have a belly button. “She’s born from Athena like Athena was born from Zeus. I think. I wasn’t paying great attention.” 

“Seems like it should have been important–” But Nico’s snark was cut off by Luke cuffing his head.

“Percy,” Luke said, blue eyes staring at him. “What happened?”

“We had a fight,” he admitted, face flushing from shame. “I'm not even sure… I was just so surprised and kind of overwhelmed by the idea. and I think I kind of freaked out.” Understatement of the century. But then again… maybe she did, too. “I called her privileged and then she stormed off, and…”

“Did you two break up?”

He jolted, like he had been struck by lightning. Or perhaps a spear. Before that moment, the thought had never occurred to him. Athena or not, secrets or not, divine intervention, ancient rivalries, four years of lies or not, he didn't want to break up. Not ever. She was the love of his life. 

“No,” he shook his head emphatically. “We didn't break up.” They had fought, sure, but there had been no resolution. And until she told him otherwise to his face, they were still together. 

Hopefully forever.

“Do you want to break up?”

“Never.” He wanted to tell her Paris was a fool for not choosing her mother if Athena was half as beautiful as she was. He wanted to promise to fell sea monsters and the Minotaur itself for her sake. He wanted to return to the Garden at the very edge of the day, and bring her a golden apple taken from beneath the sleeping dragon’s nose. He wanted to sit in her little apartment in the palace in Stockholm and rub her feet and tell her all about his adventures and ask her about hers, and talk about where Norse monsters ranked on the scale of divine irritation.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Sometimes Nico's bluntness was too much for him, but right now he appreciated the direction.

“I don't know. I was hoping you guys might have some ideas.” 

The cousins glanced between each other, all equally lost. “Flowers?” Hazel suggested, hopping up onto the stool next to him. “Maybe a gift?” 

“Maybe.” A gift wasn’t a bad idea. But it would have to be a hell of a gift. 

Still, something on Hazel’s face troubled him. 

It must have troubled her brother, too, because he placed a hand on her arm. “What’s wrong?” 

A knife slowly scraped across the wooden bar, inching its way towards her. “It’s just,” she said, biting her lip, “if she really is the daughter of Min–Athena, then…” 

Nico dragged a stool so he could sit next to her, bumping their shoulders together. Luke, taller than all of them, stood behind her, the three of them leaning in close to listen.

“There’s this story I heard from a friend once, about Minerva.” she mumbled. “When the Romans conquered Athens, they stole something from the city. Something that belonged to her. Supposedly, that’s why Athena and Minerva are so different, personality-wise.” 

Percy nodded, following along. Mostly. The different aspects thing still hurt his head sometimes. Hazel and Nico had tried to explain it to them numerous times, but Percy just couldn’t seem to get it. “What was stolen?”

“No one knows,” she said. The knife started making circles on the bar. “Minerva’s descendents have been looking for it ever since. But no one’s ever found it.” She glanced at her brother. “Remember what Ella said?” 

“Ella?” Luke asked.

“Tyson’s girlfriend–the harpy.” Nico twirled his skull ring around his finger. “She memorized the Sibylline Oracles. Whenever she’s stressed, she likes to spout random lines of prophecy, and the last time we saw her, she told us one. She said, ‘Wisdom’s daughter walks alone.’”

Percy stared. “Wisdom’s daughter walks alone?” 

“Yeah.” Nico shivered. “I don’t know what it means.” 

“I do. Luke, your mom, when we introduced her to Annabeth–” 

Luke gaped. “My mom? That was, what, two years ago? How–” 

“You know she has the power of prophecy,” Percy said. “And she gave one to Annabeth that day.” His mind raced, bits and pieces slotting together like a puzzle he just figured out he was doing. “Luke, do you still have that disk we found?” 

He frowned in confusion. “Yeah?” 

“Do you have it on you?” 

“No, it’s back in my…” he trailed off, his hand automatically going to his pocket. Luke was as shocked as anyone when he pulled it out. 

“I thought you left it in your safe,” Hazel said.

“I thought I did, too.” 

Percy held out his hand, and thought of his latest adventure. The dice game, the cistern, the disk with the owl on it. The owl he knew from Annabeth's tattoo. “I don't know why I didn't see it before,” he said, taking the disk from his cousin, “but that's an owl. Athena's owl. It looks just like the drachma tattoo she has on her foot.” He thought about his own tattoos, blue lines forming the shape of waves and tridents. Thought about phykios, and codename Septentrion, and the million little hints in both directions. 

“You think this belongs to Athena?”

“Yeah,” Percy said, “and she wanted us to find it. She wanted me to find it.” He couldn't help but smile, even if it wasn't really the time for laughing matters.

“Not sure what good that's going to do with you and the daughter of Minerva breaking up,” Hazel muttered, uncharacteristically harsh. 

He didn’t know what would happen. But he knew what he wanted. And what the first step to getting it might look like. “Athena led me to the disk so I could give it to Annabeth. I owe her that much at least.”

“You think you owe Minerva?”

“No,” Percy shook his head, “Not Minerva. Not Athena, either. But I know I owe Annabeth.”

It was four years of lies, yes. But it was also four years of love. 

If he could, he would give her the world. He wanted to give her his heart, red with his love, and he certainly wished he could give her the ring still burning a hole in his pocket.

But he could start with this: a message from her mother.

And what could be a greater peace offering, a better olive branch, than a son of Poseidon helping a daughter of Athena with her quest? 

“Okay then,” Luke said. “Nico, get us a couple of piña coladas, and then we can get down to business.” 

“At 8 AM?” 

“Trust me,” he grinned, predatory, like he was about to hotwire a car, or sell a techbro a useless JPEG. Or steal some rich kid’s boat for his cousin so he could teach them a lesson. “We’re going to need them.” 

[lesbicosmos]

rewatching s1 of broadchurch even tho im halfway through my first watch of s3 because i have an obsession with rewatching things and DAMN there are way more hints at who ended up being the killer than i originally thought, and a bunch of moments that are really ironic in hindsight

spoilers under the cut (yes it came out like 10 years ago but im still putting a spoiler warning)

ep1 - joe and ellie talk in the kitchen after hardy makes the statement to the media

joe: do you know what happened? i mean should we be worried for other kids?

on first watch, his tone of voice and body language here just seem like confused and worried parent, but on second, there's definitely a hint of panic in his voice

ep2 - joe, tom and fred in the cafe

joe: this is a terrible, unspeakable thing thats happened. but nothing like it will ever happen again here

tom: you cant know that though can you? you cant be sure

then after this joe's facial expression looks SO guilty like he can't think how to respond

ep3 - hardy questioning tom with joe in the room

hardy: can you think of anyone who would want to hurt danny?

THEN THE CAMERA IMMEDIATELY CUTS TO JOE. ik near the end joe swears he never wanted to hurt him but this is still a rly clever piece of editing, i love when shows do this. also the fact that in every scene where he's questioning tom, joe's in the room and occasionally talks but he's never in the frame of the camera hardys using to record it. he was literally right under their noses the entire time and they never suspected because they were focused on other people too much

ep4 hardy goes to the millers" for dinner

this scene hits so much different on second viewing holy shit. at one point they're talking about marriage and work and how hardy's divorce was partially work-related and:

hardy: this job, it does it to you

ellie: well, not to us

ellie actually makes me sob she loves her life so much then it all just comes crashing down on her

joe: do you think you're gonna solve this case?

hardy: certain.

joe: good :)

joe's reply itself here makes sense but there's a few seconds before he says it where his face is just blank and mildly panicked. he's genuinely worrying about being caught at this point.

now this one isn't a direct hint or anything but just if you think about the dialogue in a different context...yeah it fits

hardy: you bloody liar

joe: ive said nothing

hardy: and yet-

joe said nothing to the police or ellie and yet was lying the WHOLE time.

ep5 - brian asks ellie out

ellie: sorry, im married

brian: and thats an issue is it?

ellie: happily married, brian

brian: oh. okay, fair enough. only lots of people aren't though, are they?

ellie: i am.

THE IRONY OH ELLIE LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG PLEASE

ep6 - jack's wake

ellie spends the whole scene looking around to see if anyone looks worried, at one point she looks into a room (seemingly at nige but joe is stood nearby having a different conversation) and she makes eye contact with joe RIGHT as the camera cuts away

ep 6 - joe takes tom to the skate park and ellie arrives

ellie: i was just looking round that bar at the wake thinking "its someone here, why cant i see it?" the longer this goes on, im starting to suspect everyone

joe: when you say everyone...

ellie: well, nearly everyone

this is probably the most obvious hint that i can't believe i didn't catch on to. of COURSE they're gonna make a point for the killer to be the ONE person ellie LITERALLY SAYS she isn't suspicious of.

ep7 - ellie lets susan leave the police station

ellie (about susan's past with her husband and daughters): in your own house, how could you not know?

just ow. the irony of it all. fucking ow.

[jackieandwilsonbyhozier]

hi hello is anyone out there ? i need real life adult advice or maybe i just need ppl to pretend to listen to me so would anyone mind pretending for a moment. ok thank u

ill make it quick for the poll but put my actual thoughts under a readmore bc i have a lot to say sry....anyway vote in the poll reply reblog send me asks whatever just somebody help me for the love of god.

basically i hate my job and its killing my soul but im making pretty good money ($20/hour) but now they want to promote me to a manager which will kill my soul even more, but ill be making $27/hour. i kind of just want to quit but now theres that, plus if i stay for 2.5 more years i can sell my company stocks and get another big bonus. but again its fucking killing me working here

so i have been at my retail job for 2.5 years im a department manager and im very comfortable and confident in my position also im making $20 an hour which is great. i just got like a semi promotion i guess so now on days when they dont have a manager to close (usually 2 days a week) im the manager on duty and those days i make $22 an hour

however now they rly want to promote me to a manager full time. like the store manager and assistant manager r both telling me how great i would be and even the fcking district manager apparently agrees and wants me. i would be making ! $27 ! an hour which tbh is the only thing actually tempting me

i honestly kind of hate being a manager. i mean i like working with like the product and planning and paperwork and that stuff im confident in that but i hate hate hate actually having to manage PEOPLE. coworkers AND customers. im an extremely sensitive timid pushover-y person i just am and that is where i face the most difficulty. angry customers make me panic and i cant make myself be assertive enough for any of my coworkers to listen to anything i say

and most of all i hate the like manager culture/attitude. if uve worked in retail or probably anywhere else maybe ull know what i mean. like laughing at ur workers bc they asked for accommodations, making fun of them bc theyre all stupid and useless, chasing homeless ppl out of the store and shouting insults at them, basically just being a bully bc u know u can cuz ur in charge. and i rly rly dont want to participate in that and wont but then the other managers wont respect me lol

and actually bottom line is im sick to death of retail. this job is already draining me and if i become a manager im afraid itll be worse. obviously customers kill me and i would be happy if the rest of my life i never had to serve another customer. but even besides them. it takes me over an hour to bus to work and that wasted time adds up. i kind of put my all into work so when i get home i dont have the energy to do literally anything else. i dont know how to have a work/life balance i only know how to work. im a little bit living in filth it feels like bc i cant make myself do chores or take care of myself it feels like my life is just work, and then being at home waiting to have to go back to work

i havent gotten new piercings or tattoos in a couple years, and i havent cut or dyed my hair in over a year, its back to plain brown which i havent seen since i was like 17. its kind of killing my spirit not to be dramatic but thats the truth. art and creativity are the most important things to me and i feel like im losing myself bc i dont have the energy to keep up with stuff like that anymore the stuff i rly care about like my self expression, i feel like im killing myself in order to turn myself into a normie ass-kissing servant. i dont even draw anymore i dont do shit. im honestly kind of depressed as fuck. i mean i also havent been on my meds for over a year now which im sure isnt helping

but.........if i keep this up i could be making $27 an hour :-) the position is more than just being handed to me theyre practically begging me to take it. also another thing about my job is that u somehow accumulate/earn (?) stocks in the company, and after uve been here for 5 years u can sell them. but only if uve been working for 5 years. if u leave before that u lose them all. so if i stay another 2.5 years ill get another big bonus when i leave. but the thought of staying here that long kind of makes me wanna die😭

because thats the thing too and my final point, i honestly dont need the money. im 100% fine financially where i am rn. i have enough that i can pay my bills and put a lot in savings and buy my fun treats and whatever and i literally never ever worry about money this is the most money ive had in my life ive saved up quite a bit too. even if i just quit my job rn i would be good for like at least six months probably more. but i rly love being in this position financially lol. like im literally just like i love money yes i want more money thats the only thing making me want to stay

so i guess after typing all that out i can confidently say i dont like this job at all i just love money. im earning a lot already but i could be earning even more if i take the promotion but i AM losing my mind and kind of dont even want to work here at all anymore. i honestly dont know whats worth it i know all work is soul sucking and miserable so like should i just be grateful for what i have?? and what im being offered??

what i rly actually want to do is become a tattoo artist. i think i would be a lot happier and freer but my income would be a lot more uncertain as well which im very scared of like idk i havent been like tight on money and struggling in so long i dont want to give it up like ive been running like this so long idk how to stop. i rly dont know what to do

[yuukei-yikes]

can you think of anything in kagepro that would work as a tattoo design?? i was just thinking about it because im getting something else rn and seeing as this franchise has shaped me more than is normal to admit i was pondering and.... i cant really think of anything??? the paper crane maybe???

id say it's difficult to find something that represents the Entire franchise. ive thought about it as well because i love tattoos and i came to the conclusion snakes are what would represent the whole thing

otherwise you'd have to go a little more character specific. if you wanted to make the paper crane not as vague, it could be cute if its like, over exam sheets with 100 marks OR the paper crane with ayano's scarf under, idk. maybe a traffic signal with a cat on it (lol), kano's mask from the yobanashi deceive mv, haruka's sketchbook with takane's headphones (there's a cute shot of it in the mekakucity actors opening), etc. idk. some ideas

for a while i wanted to get a red thistle flower with a snake wrapped around it (azami means thistle) but my other tattoos are very cheerful and colorful and i felt like this was a little too dark for my taste. so there's a snake idea if u want it

if anyone cares, im actually a very colorful person so instead I'll get the yuukei yesterday sun with all those colorful shapes in the background heh.... ive had the idea for a while but i still gotta design it and also tattoos are expensive and i cant justify the purchase so i havent gotten a tattoo in a few years LOL. besides my next tattoo will be probably of my recently deceased cat.

i even considered getting the ene icon face from mekakucity actors. actually im not totally against this idea yet. but it might be a little too much bc thats just straight up her face and i try to be a little subtle with my nerd tattoos. ive got a steven universe tattoo and an amphibia tattoo. if asked abt the su one i say oh its from a song which is technically not a lie 🩷 and i dont rly get questions abt the amphibia one because it's just 2 random frogs dancing from a book hop pop reads in an episode and my other tattoos have that silly vibe as well so it doesn't prompt questions. the yuukei yestersay sun would fit in and also since im a harutaka head it's like. yeah. this is the kagepro design for my skin

ANYWAY GOOD LUCK ID LOVE TO SEE WHATEVER U GET ONCE U GET IT IF UR OK WITH IT HEEHEEEE

[spearxwind]

not to sound weird but what was that work you put in to get where you are 🙏 i want to improve my life so bad but have no clue where to start. even a general gist of things

You dont sound weird! I think it's commendable to want to change your life for the better, and I want to help in any way I can :D

This is also my own perspective but I think a lot of it could be universally applied if you look at it through different lenses of ppls different situations. This also got rly long so I'm putting it under a readmore ^^;

So I had pretty much been isolating myself with increasing ferocity for years until recently. Even when trying to reach out to people I was extremely closed off, keeping my feelings behind many walls and chains always. A lot of my hard work has come from undoing all of that fuckup. I put all my eggs into my online friendships (and even then had a hard time with them).

My behavior was a cluster of personal garbage, learned mannerisms from keeping bad company, and hardwired reactions to specific behaviors. It's something pretty hurtful to realize when you do realize it, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad person or a failure or anything like that. It just means that you have certain bare minimum survival behaviors that worked before but now are only doing you damage, and you have to learn to undo them. (which is a great step!!)

Which brings me to what I have (painfully) learned over the past several years: the basis to any and every good relationship, romantic, platonic, family, or anything is crystal clear communication. Straight up for the love of god communication skills will save your life time and time and time again

And also like I said in earlier posts the solution to wanting to be more social is just BEING more social. This is arguably extremely hard, especially after years of "if they want me around they'll ask me" and always waiting to be invited but not wanting to bother anyone by asking if you can join NO!!!!!!!! GET THAT SHIT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!!!! It really does NOT work that way at all. People will invite you to things if they see you express interest in them. The same way that in your head you think 'theyll invite me if they want me to go' if they dont see you express interest people will think you dont want to join. If you go someplace and just stay recluse because youre shy they likely will also think "theyre probably not comfortable or dont want to be here, so we wont force them". People are inherently kind and they are definitely NOT thinking about shunting you on purpose (and I am speaking this, genuinely, from personal experience)

While I was studying my major I got close to a group of people and thought of them as my friend group, but they always seemed cold to me, and I rarely got invited to hangouts because they seemed closer among themselves so I ended up always thinking that they didn't really want me around, and created all of these assumptions in my mind about them or what they thought of me.

Years later, recently, I found one of them again just... randomly while walking through the street and we started talking. And in my much better state of mind I asked about this whole thing because I wanted to know how the rest of the group was doing (I care very much for them still) and he revealed to me that THEY were the ones who thought I was shutting myself off of the group bc I didnt wanna be close to them. Which just blew my mind but it made a lot of sense and explained a lot. I was always on my phone too, talking with my internet friends (because it was my comfort zone), so what they'd assumed was that I already had a friend group that I was invested in and so I wasnt going to prioritize them. SO basically this whole thing ended up being resolved with clear communication and would have been solved much earlier if I had just spoken up about it and gotten braver (though my mental state did not let me at the time)

Anytime you are making up assumptions and ultimatums in your mind without communicating them to the other party you should stop and very much go and speak out loud to the other party (or parties) it will genuinely do you good cause huge as hell brain snowballs do nothing but drown you in your own mind.

Also on the being social front, if you dont have the practice in then it will be hard but a lot of it is very much "fake it till you make it" and I genuinely cannot recommend that enough. Inject yourself into conversations and places and act like yourself unapologetically because the secret isnt to craft a persona that you think people will like, its just being yourself and finding people who will love you for who you are. And like I said I just got invested in other ppls plans and asked to be able to go to places, and oftentimes just by expressing interest i got invited "oh I love this show very much!!" "well we have a plan to watch it at my pals house do you wanna come?" "we were planning on going to X place this week" "omg that sounds so cool can I come with" "of course!" Generally people will respond with "the more the merrier" so please dont be afraid to ask. And even if you get a rejection or two it's fine, don't let it discourage you. Some plans are simply not meant to be, and that's totally fine too!

Something else I worked for was reestablishing contact with old highschool friends I'd lost and I missed terribly. I went out of my way to find them again (old phone numbers, old emails, old instagram accounts that hadnt posted since 2019), and I found them!

And most of them really missed me too and were absolutely thrilled I contacted them again, we picked up right where we left off eight years prior. With a lot to catch up to but its genuinely so nice to have them in my life rather than just melancholically thinking about them and wondering if they hated me or anything. Turns out that they had also thought to contact me as well or had tried and lost my phone, or some of them even thought that it was better to leave things as they were to not "stir up shit" so we were all stuck in the same loop of insane thinking without actually confirming it until one of us (me in this case) finally broke the ice (and it took a damn long time too)

The thing is, people are just like you. We all have our own mental nonsense to fight, and we all have our assumptions and propensity to think ourselves into the grave, that's why its so so so so important to communicate things as clearly and as often as possible. Bearing your suffering alone will only make you miserable in the end, and your circle is there to help you

As a last note, I do want to say I have been incredibly lucky, because the friend group I've been adopted into I have met through that one friend from uni that I just HAPPENED to find on the street. I could have not waved him over on the street and just kept walking with my music on and ignored him. I could have said 'no' to his offer to get dinner that day if I'd wanted to be home earlier. I could have never spoken up about liking eurovision and never gotten invited to the hangout where I met my bf. And none of this would have ever happened at all. But that just strengthens my advice of "just say yes and reach out of your comfort zone" because you never know where it's going to lead you!

All this to say:

Communicate clearly with your peers to reduce misunderstandings. More likely than not they'll be in the same boat as you are. (Also extra note. Communication works BOTH WAYS. It needs to come from both parties. It is also a skill you have to nurture and hone!!)

Be kind!! and be loving!! and be yourself unapologetically!!

reach out to people the same way that you'd want to be reached out to. It sucks that sometimes (even often) you have to be the one to do it, but you eventually reap what you sow and people will learn that they can reach out to YOU

People will respond in kind to you being nice to them and a positive energy in their life. Some people will take advantage of it yes, thats just how things are, and its something you have to learn to recognize but you should never let that steel your heart. It is so so so important to remain kind and loving the world needs it so much. We're all out here trying to make our own lives and our loved ones lives a little bit brighter <3

[lemonsilly]

WAAAAGHH!!! YAYAYYYYYY!!!! I have spent the last like six years thinking about this man. I play with him like a doll. Apocalypse stuff,,,,, waaaughh. and john crocker?? working with corporate interests/rebellion and trying to feel out a relationship. writing something really good right now with d/john crocker. and alpha davekat?? where they're both dilfs? i mean come on. i'm not a hs2 guy and i avoid it as much as possible but captain karkat is an exception and i want him to be a rebellion leader combining troll forces with alpha strilonde's mobilized human resources in a wartime setting. like. there's so much to do.

-KD

anon i accidentally wrote too much heres a read more :sob:

tw for drugs anon i hope you dont get the ick from me /j

YIPPEEEEE YES!!!!!!!!! OHHH YESSSS APOCALYPSE STUFFF YESS OMGGGG OHH GODDD i love alpha davejohn so much i litearlly play with them like barbie dolls!!!! i love kinda putting them in a hollywood setting too bc idk im a huge bojack horseman fan and i kind of love playing with celebrity aus esp if you combine the fact that dave is going against a literal Alien Regime (granted most of it is subliminal but its like . enough to kinda piss off the condesce so he always has to have a target on his back kind of .

when i write a!dave i kinda take the approach of how no-game versions of yourself come out very flawed, as the game is supposed to improve yourself as a person and if you dont play the game, fate is kinda just not good to ur personhood. (ie dirk becoming bro is the biggest contender for this but i feel as if this also counts for jake, roxy, and maybe a little jane but i really need to reread the comic a third time to be confident in that statement .. i think this is a bit different for the trolls, however, as the ancestors are much more glorious who knows maybe its bc we dont rly know them? but then again w/ the dancestors (and ig the guardians) theres just this overall theme of "not knowing ur parents (whether that be troll or human)")

ANYWAY TANGENT ASIDE i really think that alpha dave would be a very flawed person, i can see him kind of getting caught up in that hollywood glory especially since i'd kind of view him as a bit attention-seeking, really wanting to be seen as like hollywood's darling and he puts on a cool, nonchalant, funny, charismatic front (knight moment!!) to achieve that (pretty much most previously tumblr favorite male celebrities that fell off, i think). god i could really go into detail but it would make this post WAY longer than it already is

so like my interpretation is like. this dilfy egotistical needy guy who PROBABLY does coke on the regular because of course . ugh i wish i had a good interpretation of my ver of alpha dave, i TECHNICALLY have this comic that has been kinda abandoned since i lost the login in for it (it was a twitter account "interactive comic" series, however be warned bc its my old writing style AND THE ART IS SO BAD and tbh its soooo cringy ughhh i cant believe i thought that was a good idea im crying ... it does have a tumblr though so maybe i can continue it there and just try to save it lol heres the tumblr link )

BUT ON THE GOOD SIDE OF HIM THOUGH i definitely think he does have good virtues, and wants to like. fight off the regime, hes very adamant on that and his efforts to save earth from HIC's colonization are very noble (again, hes a knight, knights are there to protect !! its in his blood!). so its kind of a mixed bag of him like trying to sustain his career while also fighting - at least subtly - against HIC. i can imagine like the weeks or so leading up to his death he began to get a bit more vocal about it, whether that was bc he was gearing up to fucking kill her and her government or maybe impulsivity? who knows.

i do think from the start though, HIC tries to sabotage both his and rose's careers because she knows what theyre up to and she Does Not Like It. and i feel like thats kinda where John comes into play, bc while i KNOWWW canon john crocker broke away from his mother and did his own thing, i think itd be rly interesting if John sort of enters Dave's life as a way to get him off course BUT IT BACKFIRES SO FAST bc johns overall a nice guy and also lowkey wants to kiss this FREAK so he kinda has to balance his mothers approval, the crocker company, and so on. its especially hard bc jades gone atp so basically ever since he was a kid he kinda only had himself so hes like UMm. Ummm. Hm. and thats why i kinda portray him to be a lil evil too in my A!JD interpretations not bc he is evil but more bc hes kinda following both corporate interests and his mothers orders

AS FOR DAVEKAT im not rly a davekat girlie myself but i do adore your vision KD, GOD i love it so much and i can imagine karkat and dave's views of how to go aghainst this regime both differing and it causes lots of bickering and fightings. and sloppy makeouts

SORRY FOR THIS TANGENT i just rly love talking abt alpha dave hes my little guy

[catdemontraphouse]

Through having an autism moment for one of my favorite movies and its related medias (the current Beetlejuice fixation) I came to the following conclusions:

*Beetlejuice’s favorite color is probably red, which is probably a reference to the color of the star he’s named after

*Beetlejuice enjoys fashion and could even possibly be considered a designer (yes rly) Despite being a grungy character who’s known for being smelly and gross… he is a designer/seamstress with a vested interest in fashion???

Yes I’m going to explain in horrifically unnecessary detail. (It’s the autism) and yes this draws from all the juices but tbh any one of them would work as a stand-alone example (except maybe musicaljuice but he’s critical to the sewing part and also he’s the cute one)

————————-

The argument for Beetlejuice being an amateur designer:

There’s an interview somewhere with the costume designer for the musical that says they wanted the pinstripe black and white suit to look like it had been repaired and modified over the years, because since Beetlejuice was a loner, he’d been solely responsible for making and maintaining his wardrobe. So like, he sewed his own suit by his lonesome out of fabric of some sort. Because if it was magic why the hell would it need repairs? Which suggests at least to me that he *enjoys* making clothes because why go through all that work if you can materialize anything at will? And I mean it fits so, I’m sure it wasn’t his first ever pattern making and sewing experience.

There’s also the way toonjuice refers to his suit as having “never been washed” on numerous occasions so I don’t reckon it’s something he just makes from magic and poofs into nothingness on the fly? Though toonjuice could be argued to buy his clothing since they never stated he made it and he lives in some kinda monster city idk. I’m saying that suggests physical matter somehow not like, idk a temporary illusion? If you can wash it, it has some sort of mass to it right?

Listen, why the fuck a guy who can make his own patterns and sew an entire suit would not wash it is beyond me but okay. Anyways the point is there’s a suggestion being made here by the franchise that Beetlejuice makes his own clothing in the traditional way by sewing together some sort of permanent matter. I can’t say I get the same impression from moviejuice though. There’s not much to suggest his clothing isn’t just temporary magic bullshit, save for the visible decay… ok wait maybe it is made of permanent material. 🤷‍♀️ either that or the dust, tattering and moss is a fashion choice? 🤨🤨

Ok so for this next part let’s just like, put aside the weirdness going down with the wedding thing in the movie (btw I’ve seen it numerous times and I feel like it’s def “a green card thing” in the original as well, pay attention to the characters’ behaviors/interactions throughout the film with one another and u can see what I mean.)

Beetlejuice probably designed that red wedding dress right? Because he materialized it or pulled it out of thin air or whatever? And the matching red tux, same thing. I kinda think that was the fashionista in him taking the excuse to make dramatic evening wear lol. Using Lydia as a Bratz doll dressing her up in his designs smh

There’s also how jazzed up and amused he was by turning Otho into a walking fashion faux pas, or at least I have to assume that’s what he was doing when he ripped the guys outfit apart and replaced it with something that caused Otho to scream in terror. How tf does a smelly guy in a crypt know what’s considered a style no-no unless he’s into this shit lol

Oh and uh if you’ve ever seen the cartoon he dresses himself up in all sorts of little outfits on the fly, like very frequently. If nothing else he’s coming up with the concepts for these clothes, maybe not constructing them himself in every version of the franchise but he’s at least designing the outfits in all of them or so I assume. He also gives other characters makeovers or new outfits on various occasions. It seems for Beetlejuice, the living are like breathing Barbie dolls he sees no issue with dressing up in his latest creations.

I’ll now explain the “favorite color is red” thing:

*Beetlejuice doesn’t wear many outfits in the movie, but three out of the four I can remember had red in them. The aforementioned wedding outfits were primarily red. His shirt under the coat in the guide outfit is red. 🤷‍♀️ (Adams undershirt that he copies is red but I don’t rly think it counts) Whenever he’s seen wearing a saturated, non-neutral color, it’s red.

*didn’t he crash a little red car in the model at one point?… I just watched this movie again like last month and I forget already. That car in the photo, he crashed it into a fire hydrant earlier in the movie, didn’t he? Idk maybe not

*his tombstone has his name written on it in red

*toonjuice always has red nail polish 🤷‍♀️

*idk if this counts for anything but the nightclub Juno created to lure him away from the Maitlands was entirely red idk

*and the star Betelgeuse is a red supergiant, so yeah

Bonus entry is this guy a reference to Viy or am I overthinking it???

Yeah ok I’m def overthinking it. 🤦‍♀️

That’s all i have to say. All that crap above. Bye.

[canonical-transformation]

was rereading the last bits of No Bird An Island; are u ever gonna do smt like it again? it was rly cool, esp while it was updating since comment interactions

alsoalso there will be more in the noir!Fischl series rite? no rush no rush jus wondering ehh

In order: (1) probably not (but it's possible); (2) probably (but that could mean months or years).

1) I went waaaay outside my comfort zone for No Bird an Island. Normally I don't push myself to write towards deadlines (writing is a very chill hobby for me!), and I needed a huge backlog to make the 3–6 microchapters per day work. I also needed lots of free time, which I don't usually have!

It was a really fun experience but also pretty tiring+stressful: I'm glad I did it, but I'm not in a rush to do it again 😅 I really enjoyed all the interactions in the comments, and getting to build up to the big reveals and action scenes!

I was inspired by hyperdimensional hopscotch, which Exstarsis (@chrysoula) did last November, as a kind of topsy-turvy Nanowrimo alternative. I really liked the experience of it as a reader, and I wanted to recreate that 🙂 If you find someone else doing something like it, please let me know! (It also counts if you talk a writer you know into doing it :P)

2) All of my fics and series are on indefinite hiatus all the time. This is for my own sanity 🙃

(I, uh, burned out of fanfic a decade ago because I wrote something that got really popular in its niche and felt obligated to continue it even as life got busy and inspiration ran dry. So when I started again last year, I decided, if I have to choose between stalled WIPs ("deadfic") vs turning my hobby into a "duty", I'll pick the former. Other fanfic authors may make different choices!; this is mine.)

Having said that, noir!Fischl is up there with the Tao!Retainer AU in terms of (i) it's fun to play around with, (ii) when I reread I always want more. So I think it's not a question of if, but when!

I'm not sure whether the next noir!Fischl stories will follow up on her friendship with Nahida. As usual, it depends what's noir enough for Fi :P

[italeean]

HIHI ELLE!! AAAAAAAA CONGRATS ON 350 FOLLOWERS!! YOURE SO COOOL!! Remember me when you’re famous 😞✊ I know I’m not rly in the t community but I hope it’s okay I send an ask for the event?? My hobbies are reading, writing, drawing, painting, sculpting, video editing, and video games. I love psychology and literature, both classic and more recent. I also like webtoons and manwhas. I don’t like parties or big groups of people, or watching sports. I prefer one on one interaction or small groups of people, and going outdoors and exploring rather than going to a crowded place in a city. I hope it’s ok I participate in this event if I’m not too much into the t community, but I’m very much so a ler. For the fandom I’ll go with Haikyuu, platonic relationship, and I have no gender preference. Tysm in advance if you accept!! 😻😻💙💙

Waaaahh hello my dear ❤️❤️ It was such a pleasant surprise to see you participate 🥹 Thank you so so much... you're so kind and sweet and cool!!! I hope you'll enjoy your match-up ❤️🍡 *some dango for you*

🔮 For this event, I match you up with... ASAHI

🔮 Why did I choose him for you?

• First of all, Asahi is not the biggest social butterfly out there (no offense obviously) so I think you'd enjoy hanging out with one another • He's also very athletic, which means you'd be able to go out and explore all you'd like • He's also a very good listener, so you could tell him about psychology theories or interpretations of classic and modern literature • I also see him as the kind of guy who'd get invested in the books you tell him about to understand you better • You could also join the third-years during the visit to the temple for New Year's, or just hang out with them!! • I can totally see you sneaking a few pokes to Asahi's sides when he gets too anxious... it's a little subtle thing you do to make him snap out of his spiral of negative thoughts • You could also help him with his designs, since he becomes a designer and you like drawing • He'd totally use your art pieces, may it be drawings, sculptures or video edits, for his fashion lines • 6 words for you: VIDEOGAME. NIGHTS. WITH. HIM. AND. NOYA. • You could probably tickle him also when he gets too invested in his work and basically forgets he's a human being with physiological needs... you know, just to "kindly invite" him to take care of himself • I also have the feeling that Asahi would be a little more talkative with you because he'd be more comfortable with hanging out alone with you and his anxiety would be much more bearable • I see your friendship as a quiet one, full of mutual listening and quality time... both you and Asahi are the kind of friends everyone needs

🔮 Tickle scenario

The sun, the chirping birds, the fresh air, the quiet swish of a nearby torrent, the sound of your steps... this was your ideal afternoon. Just you and your best friend Asahi.

It was refreshing both for you and for Asahi. Even if he was Karasuno's ace and had gained poularity after the sudden rising of the volleyball team, he didn't exactly like the popularity or the fangirls that constantly tried to be around him. Obviously he was always respected with everyone who approached him, but sometimes he felt the need to get away and just spend some time in total peace and quiet, and when he needed that peace and quiet, you were the only person he wanted to be with.

You weren't boyfriend and girlfriend, and you've never even had a crush on one another. You were best friends, and from a certain perspective you even had a deeper bond compared to a couple who has recently started dating.

Asahi was a very quiet and reserved person, who sometimes had difficulties with expressing how he felt, but you could always tell what was going through his mind without him saying anything. The ideal afternoon for both of you was being together just the two of you reading, talking or taking a walk in the nature, just like you were doing today.

You had just reached your usual spot near the torrent, where you usually took a break before going back home. "Ah... I really needed that, thanks Asahi." You smiled thankfully at the ace, who sheepishly smiled right back at you.

"Anytime, and honestly I needed that, too." The tall guy replied, "So, how's school going? Are you doing something interesting in literature class?" He sat down on the grass and patted the spot right next to him, inviting you to sit next to him.

"Oh yeah, I really like both the author we're analyzing and how the teacher explains it!" You took your seat next to your friend, "What about you? I hope that the last year of high school isn't too brutal." "Well..." he began, "I won't deny that it's very difficult, but I'm managing!"

"I'm sure you're taking care of yourself though, right?" You inquired while raising your eyebrow in an inquisitive way. "Well..." He scratched the back of his head, and that was all you needed to hear.

"How. Many. Times. Did. I. Tell. You. That. You. Gotta. Take. Care. Of. Yourself?!" You scolded him, emphasizing every word with a poke to his torso. "Ah! He-heyyy..!" Asahi tried in vain to escape your pokes, "I-i knohow... but- no wait!"

You didn't even let him finish his excuses, you just went for his stomach and scribbled your fingers all over the soft skin, protected by the thin fabric of the shirt.

It didn't take him long to give up. Despite his menacing aspect, he was quite weak to tickling, which you obviously knew as his best friend. "AAAHAHAHAHAHA okaHAhay Ihihi gihihiveHEHEhe..!" He pleaded, and you stopped. You were feeling quite merciful. "Fine, but you better take care of yourself from now on!" You pouted.

Asahi chuckled and gave you some headpats. "Fine, fine... you win..." He laid in the grass and glanced at the clear blue sky. You did the same, but before that, you grabbed your backpack, took out a packet of nikuman and gave it to the tall guy.

"Eat this, I imagined you weren't taking care of yourself so I grabbed something from Ukai-san's shop." Asahi thanked you and stared eating immediately. "So," he said "tell me about that book you're reading..."

[caatws]

i’m back to yell again bitch! why are characters grieving vision vs gamora treated so differently by both mcu canon and fandom???

i’ve been saying for the past 5 years how, when ppl blame peter for the avengers losing in iw when he lost his cool on titan after hearing thanos literally killed gamora, it’s hypocritical for these ppl to not also blame wanda and the other avengers, bc them delaying sacrificing vision to the literal last minute also directly contributed to thanos winning.

while vision had put wanda in the position to sacrifice him and she said no, gamora had also put peter in that very same position—and he said yes. and he was gonna do it, even though it pained him. wanda was only ready to do it when their backs were fully, completely, against the wall, and it was literally the final thing standing between them and thanos getting all 6 stones.

while my problem for years has been the lack of equally blaming wanda while blaming peter for behaving out of the same motivations—acting out of love for their partners, who were reduced to thanos’ pawns, and wanting to defend/avenge them—now considering everything else going on with gamora in the time since, there’s an extra layer to this that just has me...hm.

when wanda and the others act on behalf of their love, and eventually grief, for a white male character...it’s understandable, it’s valid, it’s relatable, it’s fine.

but any time peter has acted on behalf of his love and grief for a woc character...it’s treated as the reason thanos won and half the universe died. it’s considered an impediment to other characters, even in his own team who also once called gamora their family. it’s still relatable and understandable, but it is emphasized as an obstacle to overcome in a way that i don’t think wanda’s love and grief ever was.

wanda’s grief was so complex, so tangible, it spawned a whole show abt the ways we grieve and how it can become a dangerous part of our lives. and in the end, we’re made to sympathize with wanda still.

peter’s grief has still gotten its moments, but it’s been treated as a solitary experience the rest of the gotg don’t partake in, for whatever reason. when his grief causes him to act destructively or disruptively, it’s not given the “i support women’s wrongs” empathy by fandom. sure, it’s still made out to be something we can sympathize or even empathize with—but there’s a certain grace given to wanda and her occasionally villainous actions, motivated by her grief, that i’ve just never rly seen given to peter when he fucked up the fight against thanos.

frankly, i don’t know exactly what this means. is it yet another byproduct of both audiences and marvel studios themselves prioritizing and upholding the avengers franchise over the gotg? probably, in part. is it bc w*ndavision is a more profitable ship and (white) wanda is a more profitable character to explore the complex emotional turmoil of? oh, i’m sure that’s an element at play. is it bc ppl like (white) wanda more than peter? that’s definitely part of it and comes as a surprise to no one.

is it an intentional disparity in canon about how much a white character deserves to be grieved vs a woc character? i don’t work at marvel so i could never prove or disprove this with certainty.....but i think it’s an awfully interesting element to consider, bc regardless of intentions, it sure has a certain....impact.

it sure just leaves a Taste in my mouth abt what makes a character more or less worthy of grief than another. when vision died, wanda could uproot the very fabric of the universe in her grief and we maybe want to root for her. when gamora died, peter simply reacted in the moment, and suddenly he’s the worst character in the mcu and the sole reason that an entirely separate character, the actual abuser and murderer, killed half the universe and now we have to hold peter accountable for it like lmao bro???