#i mean she was EMOTIONALLY absent

[keaytomyheart]

So long as Orsinov was a present mother, I consider that a point in her favour.

-S. Lukas

As someone with a mother who was present (at least physically). That's not as strong an indicator of success as you might think.

[tinylilvalery]

What's interesting about witnessing the shift in Tom and Shiv's relationship, is that for the first 3 seasons Shiv got to live in comfort of being her father in the relationship. She was in control. She was the emotionally detached one, keeping Tom at a distance from her inner vulnerable self like her father does to her and her siblings, despite Tom always appealing to that side of her, bearing himself and wanting that intimacy. She held all the power, and in holding all the power she felt secure that she wasn't going to be screwed over (like her dad did to her mum) and abandoned (like she felt her mum did to her). She could escape the fucked up divorce her parents had by being the embodiment of power (her father),,, which, like a lot of children of a messy divorce, she wanted to avoid such a thing for herself at all cost, and pride herself on her marriage and choice of partner instead of getting help for the trauma and damage she'd carried since childhood. Shiv was safe. She was secure. Like her dad, she had her own dog to kick to test its loyalty and feel secure and reassured every time that dog came back to her side.

But then the dog did bite back. Tom did betray her. The man she viewed as beneath her, all worshipping, and in her eyes nowhere near as smart as her, outplayed her and betrayed her and won over the approval of the very man that she'd been emulating. And now she's not her father. She's the last person she ever wanted to be. She's her mother. She's the one on the receiving end of Logan through Tom, making the divorce messy and difficult and painful by using the same tactics he did with her mother, something that gets to her easily and makes her extremely upset to the point where she's verging on tears. Tom is the one at Waystar + ATN. Tom is the one saying "uh huh." To her.

She thought that she could escape her mother's fate by being her father. By being cold and distant and emotionally closed off. By being the one who kicked the dog. She let her trauma and fears rule and guide her into making decisions and behaving in harmful ways (to Tom and herself) that she thought would protect her and never let her be hurt. And none of it worked. Because despite it all, she became her mother.

[tokkiwrites]

𝚄𝚗𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚄𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝙼𝚢 𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗.

mom's fiancé/bf! joel miller x f! reader • part two • part three

Summary: Your mom's new fiancé, Joel Miller, is the kind of man you could never shake out of your mind—rugged, rough, and embodiment of your long-buried fantasies. He's been your next-door neighbor for years, and the crush you harbored through your teenage years never really faded. Now, he's with your mom, and they're planning to get married. You should want her to be happy, but you can't ignore the tension growing between you and Joel. It's something that was never meant to happen. But as you uncover Joel's true motives for being with your mom, you realize maybe your feelings weren't one-sided after all. And maybe, despite everything, you’re the one he really wants.

tags: stepcest kind of, age gap (reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 40s), forbidden romance, emotional conflict, slow burn, sexual tension, complicated family dynamics, heartbreak, Joel being an emotionally complicated bastard, ANGST, cheating, infidelity, nsfw, p in v unprotected, breeding kink.

/ᐠ - ˕ -���⁩ authors note 𑁯 ✿ me writing angst?? wow could never imagine it. i hope you guys like this i dunno what came over me. almost 7k (oops) words of hurt confusion and a filthy finish to dry your tears. not proofread!!

The house smelled like home, like it always had. Fresh cut grass from the lawn, the faint scent of laundry detergent, and the crisp autumn air breezing in through the windows. But the warmth that had once filled it felt absent now, replaced by the coolness of change. A change you hadn’t been able to brace for. Your mother had finally met someone after years of being alone, and that someone was Joel Miller.

You sat at the kitchen table, your fingers trailing the edge of your mug, staring at the steam rising from your coffee. The engagement ring on her finger glinted as she poured a second cup of coffee, smiling to herself. You couldn’t take your eyes off it—the gold band, the small, delicate stone. Joel had chosen it.

"Can you believe it?" she said, laughing lightly. "I didn’t think I’d find someone after your father. But Joel... he’s good to me."

You swallowed hard. "Yeah, Mom. I can tell."

You knew he was good to her. You saw it every time they were together. The way he would brush his hand over her back when he passed her, the way he’d laugh at her jokes. The way she looked at him, like he was everything she had wanted but had never thought to ask for.

But that wasn’t what twisted the knife in your chest.

Joel had always been more than just a neighbor. You’d been only nineteen when you started noticing him, the way a girl starts to notice a man—how his shoulders would flex when he lifted something heavy, the rasp in his voice when he spoke to you, low and careful. He was rough around the edges, with that Southern drawl and hands scarred from years of work. A part of you had always wondered what those hands would feel like on you, against your skin, but you never let the thoughts go far. He was older, after all, and back then, it had been nothing more than an innocent crush. But now he was here, in your life in a way you hadn’t imagined, not as some distant neighbor or a fleeting thought, but your mother’s fiancé. The reality of it made your stomach churn, and you hated yourself for the way your heart still skipped a beat whenever he came around.

"I’m glad you like him," your mom continued, her voice pulling you out of your thoughts. She took a seat across from you, her eyes soft with affection. "I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about this, but... it means a lot to me that you’re okay with it." You forced a smile, the tightness in your chest growing. "Of course. I just want you to be happy." She reached out and touched your hand. "I am."

You wished you could say the same.

The days stretched into weeks, each one bringing you closer to the wedding. The house buzzed with preparations, your mother caught up in a whirlwind of joy and excitement. You tried to blend into the background, to stay out of the way, but it was impossible. Every time you turned around, Joel was there, a steady, looming presence.

One afternoon, you found yourself out in the yard, helping your mom plant some new flowers along the fence. The sun was high in the sky, the heat beating down on your skin. You wiped the sweat from your forehead, focusing on digging the next hole. "Need some help?" Joel’s voice came from behind you, making you jump. You turned, finding him standing there with a shovel in hand, that familiar smirk tugging at his lips. He was wearing a faded flannel, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, revealing the sinewy muscles of his forearms. His hair was streaked with gray at the temples, his face lined with years of hard work and sun exposure, but he was still undeniably handsome. Too handsome.

"No, we’re good here," you replied, keeping your voice steady as you turned back to the soil. Your mom looked up from her spot, grinning. "Actually, Joel, I think we could use a little extra muscle." He chuckled and came over, kneeling beside you, close enough that you could smell the scent of earth and sweat on him. His presence was overpowering, and you had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep your mind from drifting.

"So," he said casually, his voice low as he worked beside you, "you’ve been quiet lately. Everything alright?" You felt his gaze on you, but you didn’t look up. "Yeah, 'm just busy."

"Busy, huh?" He tossed a clump of dirt aside, his tone teasing but not unkind. "You don’t strike me as the busy type." You shrugged. "Things change." Joel paused, his fingers still in the dirt. "That they do." There was a weight to his words, the way he said it, something that settled deep in your bones, like he knew what was deep beneath your facade. You risked a glance at him, and when your eyes met, the air around you seemed to thicken. His gaze was too intense, too knowing, and it made your heart pound in your chest. "Joel, could you help me with these pots in the back?" your mother called, oblivious to the tension that had been steadily growing between you and him.

Joel blinked, breaking the moment. He stood up, brushing the dirt off his hands. "Yeah, sure thing." As he walked away, you let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. You couldn’t keep going like this.

Temptation lurks.

The engagement party was held at your house, the backyard filled with neighbors, friends, and family. You had helped set everything up, stringing lights across the trees, setting up tables with white linen. Your mother had been glowing all day, her happiness contagious to everyone but you.

You were standing near the bar, sipping on a drink when you saw him. Joel was talking to your uncle by the grill, his hand resting casually on the back of your mother’s chair. You watched as he laughed at something your uncle said, the sound of it rumbling low in his chest. He looked so at ease, so comfortable in this life he had built with your mom. But there was a crack in the facade, something that only you could see. The way his eyes flickered to you, even when he was mid-conversation. The way his smile faltered just for a moment when your gaze met his.

he feels it.

"You look lost in thought." You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of his voice. Joel was beside you now, his presence like a shadow that followed you everywhere. You forced a smile. "Just thinking." He leaned in a little closer, his voice low enough that only you could hear. "Care to share?" You shook your head, setting your glass down on the bar. "It’s nothing."

Joel’s hand brushed yours as he reached for his own drink, the touch so brief and fleeting, but it sent a jolt of electricity up your arm. He must have felt it too because he hesitated for a moment, his fingers lingering a second too long before he pulled away. "You seem different, sweetheart." he said, his eyes narrowing slightly as if he was trying to figure you out. sweetheart. it sounded so natural, meant just for you. "Not like yourself." He continues. You swallowed hard, avoiding his gaze. "Maybe I’ve changed. Or maybe you don't know me that well."

"Maybe," he said, his voice quieter now, more serious. "But I think I know you better than that." Before you could respond, your mother appeared, smiling brightly as she slipped her arm around Joel’s waist. "There you are!" she said, looking between the two of you. "I was wondering where you disappeared to."

Joel’s eyes never left yours. "Just catching up."

You excused yourself quickly, retreating inside the house, your chest tight with frustration and confusion. You needed air, space, anything to clear your head. But no matter how far you ran, you couldn’t escape the way Joel made you feel. The way you wanted to feel, despite everything.

everything beneath the surface.

The weeks leading up to the wedding were a blur. You kept your distance from Joel as much as you could, but it was impossible to avoid him completely. Every time you saw him, the tension between you grew stronger, pulling you in even when you wanted to push it all away. One evening, after a particularly long day of wedding planning, you found yourself alone on the back porch. The sky was dark, the stars hidden behind thick clouds. You sipped your drink slowly, trying to let the cool night air calm your nerves.

"You okay?"

You turned to find Joel standing in the doorway, his expression unreadable. You hadn’t even heard him come out. You straightened up, trying to keep your voice steady. "I’m fine. Just needed some air." Joel stepped onto the porch, the floorboards creaking under his weight. He didn’t say anything at first, just stood there, his hands in his pockets as he looked out into the yard. The silence stretched between you, thick and heavy. "You’ve been avoidin’ me," he said quietly, his voice low and rough in the quiet night. Your stomach twisted, but you didn’t deny it. "It’s not like that."

"Then what’s it like?" You sighed, setting your drink down and standing up, needing to put some space between you. "Joel, this... it’s complicated. I can’t—"

"Complicated," he repeated, his tone tinged with frustration. He stepped closer, his dark eyes locking onto yours. "It wasn’t complicated before, was it?"

You froze, your breath catching in your throat. His words hit you like a punch to the gut because they were true. It hadn’t always been complicated. Before your mother, before the engagement, there had been something between you and Joel that had lingered, unspoken, for years. Maybe it had been innocent at first, just a crush you’d had on the older man next door. But it had evolved into something else—something dangerous.

"Joel," you whispered, shaking your head, trying to regain control of the conversation, but he was already too close. His presence overwhelmed you, drowning out the rational part of your brain that screamed for you to walk away.

"You feel it too, don’t you?" His voice was almost a whisper now, and the way his eyes bore into yours made it impossible to look away. "I’ve seen the way you look at me, baby." You swallowed hard, your pulse pounding in your ears. "This isn’t fair," you managed, your voice breaking. "You’re marrying my mom, Joel." He winced, as if the words had physically hurt him, but he didn’t back away. "I know," he said, his voice tight. "I know I shouldn’t feel this way. Goddamn it, I tried not to. But I can’t help it, baby, Iㅡ" You took a step back, trying to create some distance, but Joel followed, his gaze never leaving yours. His hand reached out, brushing your arm, and it sent a shiver down your spine. "Don’t—"

"I’m sorry," he murmured, his hand dropping, but his eyes were still fixed on you. "I didn’t mean for this to happen. Should've been ya."

"Then why did it happen?" you asked, your voice breaking with the weight of the question. "Why are you doing this, Joel? Why are you marrying her?" He exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair. "It’s not what you think."

"Then tell me," you pleaded, your voice barely a whisper. "Tell me why you’re with her when—"

"When I want you," Joel finished for you, the rawness in his voice making your heart ache. The admission hung between you, heavy and undeniable. You wanted to pretend you hadn’t heard it, that it didn’t mean anything, but it did. It meant everything.

Your breath hitched as you stared up at him, the world tilting on its axis. You felt the pull between you, that magnetic force that had always been there, but now it was more dangerous than ever. It wasn’t just some unspoken tension anymore. It was real, out in the open, threatening to tear everything apart. "Joel, this isn’t right," you said, your voice trembling, even though your heart screamed at you to move closer to him. "It can’t happen. Not like this."

"I know," he said, stepping closer, his voice barely a rasp. His hand reached for yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. "But that doesn’t change how I feel." You pulled your hand away, the loss of contact almost painful. "You have to stop," you whispered, your throat tight. "You have to marry her. You can’t do this to her." The agony in his eyes was unbearable. "You think I don’t know that?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat, your pulse racing. "Then why are you doing this?"

Joel’s jaw clenched, and for a moment, he looked away, like he couldn’t bear to face the truth. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, almost broken. "I thought I could love her the way she deserves. I thought... if I just tried hard enough, I could make it work." Your heart ached for him, for your mother, for yourself. "But you don’t, do you?"

His silence was answer enough.

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to stay strong. "You need to go through with the wedding, Joel. My mom... she loves you. She’s happy."

"I know," he murmured, the weight of his guilt evident in his voice. "But what about you? What do you want?" The question hung in the air, suffocating you. What did you want? You wanted him, but not like this. Not in a way that would destroy everything around you. Not in a way that would hurt your mother, who had already been through enough pain. "I want my mom to be happy," you said finally, even though the words felt like they were tearing you apart. "That’s all." even if it was a lie.

Joel stared at you, his expression unreadable, before he finally nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "Me too." He stepped back then, creating the distance you desperately needed. "I’ll do the right thing," he said, his voice low and resolute. "For her." he wouldn't believe himself either.

You nodded, unable to trust your voice to say anything else. The weight of the moment settled over you both, heavy and oppressive. Without another word, Joel turned and walked back into the house, leaving you standing alone on the porch, your heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

It was all ready to collapse.

The wedding day approached faster than you had anticipated, each moment feeling like a countdown to an inevitable disaster. You tried to bury your feelings, to focus on helping your mom with the final touches, but the weight of what had been left unspoken between you and Joel hung over everything. You hadn’t spoken to him since that night on the porch, and the tension gnawed at you.

The morning of the wedding was bright and warm, the sun filtering through the lace curtains in your bedroom. You stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the soft fabric of your bridesmaid’s dress, trying to shake the growing sense of dread that settled in your chest.

You wanted to be happy for your mom—she looked radiant, glowing in her wedding dress, and she deserved this moment. She deserved love, peace, after the years of struggle she’d endured. But underneath your forced smiles and quiet congratulations, you couldn’t stop thinking about Joel. About his eyes when he looked at you, about the unspoken words still hanging between you.

Downstairs, the house sung with excitement, guests gathering for the ceremony. You could hear the faint sounds of laughter and music, the clinking of glasses as the day unfolded. But it all felt so distant, like you were watching it from the outside, detached from the joy that filled the air.

Just as you were about to head downstairs, there was a soft knock at your door.

You froze, your heart leaping into your throat. You already knew who it was before you even opened the door. Joel stood there, looking as conflicted as you felt. He was dressed in a suit, but the usually rugged man looked uncomfortable in the formal attire. His hair was neatly combed, but there was still that familiar edge to him—rough, worn, and undeniably Joel.

He didn’t say anything at first, just stared at you, his dark eyes clouded with something you couldn’t quite name. "You look beautiful."

"You shouldn’t be here," you whispered, your voice shaky. "I know," he said, his voice low. "But I had to see you. Before—"

"Before what?" you interrupted, your hands trembling. "Before you marry my mom?" Joel’s jaw tightened, and he took a step closer. "I’m sorry," he said, his voice barely audible. "For all of this. For... for everything I’ve put you through." Tears pricked at your eyes, but you blinked them away, refusing to let them fall. "You have to go through with it, Joel. You promised her."

"I know," he murmured, his gaze dropping to the floor. "But I can’t stop thinking about you." The rawness in his voice sent a shiver down your spine, but you forced yourself to stay strong. "You don’t get to do this now," you said, your voice trembling with emotion. "Not today." Joel’s hand reached for yours, but you pulled away, stepping back. "Don’t," you warned. "Please don’t make this harder than it already is." He stared at you for a long moment, his eyes filled with regret, before he finally nodded. "I’m sorry," he said again, his voice breaking. "I’ll... I’ll go."

You watched as he turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing down the hall, each one like a nail in the coffin of what could have been.

Unbeneath.

The wedding was beautiful. The flowers were perfect, the music soft and sweet, and your mother’s face glowed with happiness as she walked down the aisle. Joel stood at the altar, looking handsome and calm, the picture of a man ready to commit to a life with her.

But you saw the cracks beneath the surface. You saw the tension in Joel’s shoulders, the way his jaw clenched as your mother approached him with a radiant smile. You knew he was trying to hold it together, trying to play the part of the perfect groom. But deep down, you could see it—he wasn’t entirely there.

Standing as a bridesmaid near the altar, you forced yourself to smile, to focus on your mother’s joy. But it was like watching a car crash in slow motion. The weight of what Joel had said to you that morning still clung to you, heavy and suffocating. As the officiant began to speak, your heart pounded in your chest. The words felt hollow, echoing in your mind. The vows of eternal love, of commitment, of being faithful—it all felt like a lie. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to stay focused, trying to hold on for your mother’s sake.

But then Joel glanced at you.

It was brief—just a flicker of his eyes in your direction, but it was enough to make your breath catch. His gaze was filled with conflict, guilt, and something else you couldn’t name. And in that moment, you knew—he was thinking about you. Even here, even now, when he was supposed to be pledging his life to your mother.

Time seemed to slow as the officiant asked Joel to recite his vows. He hesitated for just a second too long, the pause so subtle that no one else seemed to notice. But you did. You could see the struggle in his eyes, the battle between doing what was right and doing what he wanted.

"I, Joel, take you—" His voice caught, barely noticeable, but you saw it. He cleared his throat, trying again. "I take you, to be my wife."

Each word felt like a stone dropping into a bottomless well.

Your mother smiled at him, tears of joy in her eyes. She was completely unaware of the storm brewing beneath the surface. She believed in this moment, believed in the future they were about to share. And you hated that you couldn’t give her that same belief, that you couldn’t share in her happiness.

When the ceremony ended and the guests erupted in applause, you clapped along with them, your hands numb and mechanical. The celebration carried on around you—people laughing, clinking glasses, congratulating the happy couple—but you felt like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, the ground crumbling beneath you.

At the reception, you stayed at the far end of the garden, away from the crowd. The string lights twinkled above, casting a soft glow on the scene, but the beauty of it all felt distant, unreachable. You sipped your champagne, staring blankly at the dance floor where Joel and your mother swayed together. They looked perfect, like a picture from a magazine. But you knew better.

Your thoughts were interrupted when Joel came up beside you, his presence like a storm cloud looming on the horizon. His tie was loosened, the top button of his shirt undone, and there was a weariness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

"You disappeared on me," he said quietly, his voice barely audible over the music and chatter. You didn’t look at him, keeping your eyes on the dance floor. "Just needed a moment." He let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. "I didn’t mean for things to get this way. Please believe me, I didn’t knowㅡ didn't know she'd fall." You finally turned to face him, the rawness of his words cutting into you. "Well, they are and she did so.."

Joel looked at you with an intensity that made your heart ache, the same look he’d had earlier that morning. "I can’t stop thinking about you, baby." he repeated softly, his voice rough with emotion. "Even now. Especially now."

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. "You need to stop," you whispered, your voice trembling. "You made your choice. You married her. I don't even know what your plan was."

"I know," he said, his voice tight with frustration. "I know what I did, but that doesn’t change what I feel. It doesn’t change this." He gestured between the two of you, his eyes pleading. "I never wanted to hurt you, or your mom. But... I can’t pretend anymore. Not with you." Your chest tightened, the pain almost unbearable. "You have to pretend, Joel. You have to. For her." He stared at you, his expression torn between guilt and desire. "And what about you? What about us?"

"There is no us, Joel. Never was." You said the words like poison in your mouth. "There can’t be." Joel’s hand reached out, his fingers brushing your arm, and the familiar spark shot through you, the one you’d tried so hard to ignore. His touch lingered for a moment before he pulled away, his eyes dark and unreadable.

"You’re right," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "There can’t be." But the words felt like a lie the moment they left his lips because despite everything, despite the weight of his new vows, you saw him lean in closer. His breath mingled with yours, and his eyes-filled with guilt, longing, and desperation bore into you. His lips inched toward yours, the world around you fading into a blur of muted colors and distant laughter. People were far enough to not see you, but that didn't make it any easier. Your heart pounded, your breath shaky as you felt the warmth of his body close to yours. You knew this was wrong, that you should push him away, but your body betrayed you. The yearning, the suppressed need that had lingered between you for years, finally pushed through the cracks.

With one last glance into your glassy eyes, as if seeking permission-or maybe forgivenessㅡ Joel closed the distance.

His lips intertwined with yours, soft and rough at the same time, filled with everything that had been left unsaid. You froze for a moment, the shock of it crashing through you like a tidal wave. But then something snapped inside you, and you kissed him back. All of the restraint, the pain, the buried feelings surged to the surface, spilling into that one kiss.

His hands cupped your face gently, his touch tender despite the intensity of the moment. The world around you ceased to exist. It was just you and Joel, a stolen moment in a sea of impossibilities. His lips moved against yours with a desperation that mirrored your own, as if both of you knew this would be the only time you'd have. As if the kiss had to say everything words couldn't

But then, just as quickly as it had begun, reality crashed back in. You broke away, gasping for air, your chest heaving. The warmth of his touch still lingered on your skin. Neither of you moved, neither of you spoke, and for a moment, it felt like the world had stopped spinning. Finally, Joel stepped back, his face hardening as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I’m sorry," he muttered, though you knew the apology wouldn’t fix anything.

You watched as he walked away, back to the party, back to your mother—the woman he had chosen. The woman he was supposed to love. Your heart broke all over again as you realized that no matter what you felt for him, no matter what he felt for you, it would never be enough to change the reality of the situation.

And so, you stood there, the cold night air brushing against your skin, watching as Joel rejoined the celebration. The sounds of laughter and music filled the garden, but all you could hear was the silence between you and the man you could never have.

Was one night really that important?

You stood there, alone in the shadows, the air growing colder around you. The question gnawed at you, refusing to let go. What harm could it do? One night. One moment where none of thisㅡ none of the guilt, the secrecy, or the heartbreak mattered. No one would know. No one had to.

Would it really hurt?

The thought was reckless, dangerous even, but it lingered, growing more persistent with each passing second. Your mind kept replaying the way Joel had kissed you, the heat and desperation in his touch, the wayyou had kissed him back without hesitation, as if your bodies knew what your hearts refused to admit. You hadn't wanted to stop. And he hadn't either.

Your breath quickened as you thought of him, standing there, so close you could still feel the faint echo of his warmth, his scent, the way he had made you feel as though the world had disappeared, as if nothing else mattered but the f you, in that moment.

No. You couldn't. You couldn't do this to your mother. You couldn't betray her like that, not even for one night, no matter how desperately you wanted him. But the longing was still there, a dark ache deep in your chest, making it harder and harder to ignore. You let out a quiet, shuddering breath and looked back toward the reception toward Joel, who was now standing by the bar, talking with a few guests. The smile he gave them was easy, practiced, but you could still see the shadows under his eyes. You could still see the guilt that gnawed at him from the inside.

What if nobody knew? What if this one mistake, this one selfish moment, stayed just between the two of you? What if you could find a way to make it work-just for one night, just to feel what it was like to truly have him without the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders?

You swallowed hard. you could still taste his kiss on your lips. You could still feel the burn of his fingertips against your skin.

But then, you remembered your mother's face. Her warmth. Her trust. She was so happy, so completely in love. The thought of betraying her, even just for a moment, tore you apart. Could you really live with that kind of guilt?

No.

Butㅡ

You closed your eyes and exhaled, trying to quiet the storm inside you, trying to remind yourself of what was right. This wasn't a fleeting desireㅡ it was a devastating disaster waiting to happen

And yet, your body ached with the need to be close to Joel again. The yearning, the intensity of that single kiss and one pathetic touch, it was too much to ignore. You had given in once, but you couldn't go down that path again.

You took a step away from the garden, retreating into the shadows. Maybe it was better this way. Maybe one night wasn't worth it. But then you heard his voice, low and familiar, cutting through the noise. He was closer than you expected.

"Hey."

You froze, your heart stuttering in your chest. You didn't need to turn around to know it was Joel. His voice was all too familiar now. He stepped into the shadows with you, the dim light casting sharp lines across his face, making him appear even more worn, more conflicted. "Iㅡ" He hesitated, his voice thick with emotion. "I shouldn't have kissed you earlier. I know I shouldn't have."

You didn't say anything. You couldn't. You didn’t regret it. You wish it never ended.

Joel's gaze softened, and he stepped closer, but you kept your distance. He seemed to notice the space between you, the invisible barrier that neither of you wanted to cross but couldn't help but feel. "I don't know what to do anymore," he said. "I just know I don't want to lose you." His words shattered what little resolve you had left.

And in that moment, everything that had been building between you, the unspoken, the impossibleㅡ became undeniable. It was wrong. It was selfish. But here he was, standing before you, asking you for something you both knew you could never truly have. And for a moment, it didn't matter that it was wrong

You let out a shaky breath, your voice barely a whisper. "One night," you murmured. "Just... one night."

Joel froze. His eyes searched yours, and for a second, it seemed as if he might say no. But then his hand slid to the back of your neck, pulling you toward him, his lips catching yours in a kiss that was deeper this time, hungry, urgent. There were no more words between you, just the frantic need to close the distance between your hearts, to feel something real, even if it was only for one night.

As his hands wrapped around you, pulling you closer, there was a fleeting moment of clarity,a brief flash of the consequences. But it was swallowed up by the heat of the kiss, the intoxicating feeling of finally giving in to the desire that had been burning between you for years,

It was wrong. It was a mistake

But as Joel's lips moved against yours again, you forgot about everything else. Joel’s hand slid to your wrist before you could pull away, a firm, steady grip that tugged you gently toward him, toward the quiet behind the chaos. The party’s laughter and chatter were left in the distance, fading as you followed him, the night air thick with tension.

"We should go to a room," he whispered, his voice hoarse and urgent, almost pleading. "The party still has a few more hours before it ends. Don't worry, baby. It'll all be okay. She won’t even notice we're gone." You looked at him, heart racing, mind reeling, torn between the gravity of his words and the electric heat still burning in your chest from the kiss. He was leading you, his hand wrapped around your wrist, guiding you through the garden, toward the back of the house where the guest rooms lay hidden behind thick foliage and shadows.

You followed, not because you were sure, but because the pull between you was undeniable. You didn’t trust yourself to speak, and maybe you didn’t want to. His pace quickened as he sensed your hesitation, his breath hitching, more desperate now, as though he needed you to understand. "We can’t keep doing this," he said, his tone a mix of anger and longing. "We can’t keep pretending like we don’t feel it. This—" he glanced back at you, "this is what we've been needing for so long."

You could barely catch your breath as you stepped into the hallway of the house, away from the party. The muffled noise of music and chatter was barely a memory now. The quiet was heavier, more intimate. And when you finally stopped, your back pressed against the closed door of a guest room, you both stood there in the dim room, hearts pounding like they were about to burst.

His hands were still on you, strong but gentle, but this time, they didn’t move to pull you in. Instead, he lingered, his fingers barely grazing the skin of your arms as though he was afraid of breaking something fragile—something that might never be repaired.

"Joel..." Your voice was soft, porcelain, and it trembled in the stillness of the room. "Please.." you can hear him mumble a soft 'fuck' before his lips crash onto the exposed skin on your neck, his hands roaming your body like he's been waiting to do this for a thousand years. he quickly manages to discard the jacket of his tuxedo and unzip the back of your dress, your hair that was neatly pulled up now down on your shoulders. "You're so beautiful, baby. Always have beenㅡ god, I was so stupid not doin' this earlier." Your mind reeled, cunt pulsimg. You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breath, trying to steady your pulse. the fire between you crackled and burned hotter, and for tonight, you gave into it.

"Joel, please, justㅡ touch me, please.." he nods his head. "fuck, yeah, okay. You sound so pretty when you're desperate." you shudder at his words, a soft moan slipping from your lips. " 'm gonna fuck you tonight 'n make up for all of the nights i didn't." that was a promise.

you were now almost fully naked, the only thing covering your body was a soft, laced, white set you had on. "Pretty girl." he begins to discard those items from you too, but removes only the bra, leaving the white panties on. you look up at him, his presence swallowing you whole. without words you reach our hands out, promptly placing them on the hem of his pants and starting to unbuckle the belt he had on. you fingers fumble from the tension, but you finally do it. you trail you fingers onto his abdomen, drawing small hearts before you hear him growl. he picks you up swiftly and throws you on the bed settled in the middle of the room. his pants come undone so he pulls them off fully. "Spread your legs, baby." you do, your pussy spilling over the lace that barely covered anything. his rough fingertips trace your clothed folds, making you look away. "Look at me. Look at me, tell me what you want."

"Want you, Joel.." he hums. he pulls the panties to the side, eyes fixed on the way your cunt glistened under the dim light. its not long before he gets on his knees between your legs. "sweet girl. been dyin' to know what's inside that pretty head of yours when you look at me like that." His fingers brushed a loose strand of hair from your face. "you know how much i had to hold back? wanted to ravage you, toㅡ" he trails "to destroy you. make you beg for me to stop..." joel leans down, his rough beard tickling your neck, drawing a soft moan from between your lips.

"Sure you want this, darlin?" Nipping at your bottom lip, he waits for your signal. "So sure." This is it, the moment you had only dreamed of. that's when his lips crashed against yours again, his mustache pricking your skin. you kissed back, hungry, so hungry like you've never felt before.

"want that pretty pussy wrapped around my cock." you whimper pathetically at his dirty words. dirty. dirty like his touch that left your skin tainted, dirty like how you know you'll feel after all of this is over.

but you like dirty. you love dirty.

joel pressed himself against you, his briefs now fully off. fuck, he was huge. his leaking tip was pressing against your folds. "so wet, baby. all this for me? c'mon, let me hear you say it."

" 's all for y-ou, Joel ㅡ" you choked back a moan, pushing yourself back onto his bulge. he laughs, tilting his head to the side slightly. be drags the pulsing tip up and down, up and down again and again, as if he didn't make you wait long enough for it. after he thinks its sufficient, he starts to push inside, causing you to bite onto your forearm and shut your eyes as tears welled up in them. "atta girlㅡ you can take it. you're a big girl, ain't ya?" he teased. "My little girl, takin' my cock so well."

by the time he was fully inside, you were a mess, tears stained your cheeks, drool at the corners of your mouth covered in smudged lipstick ㅡ you were in a dream for sure. joel moves, at first, slowly as to let you adjust. he's patient. praises trail onto you as he kisses little pecks on the small of your back. "That's it, darlin'. take it all." your body trembles from every breath and touch of his.

his pace picks up, skin hitting yours roughly, fingers tangled in your hair and his other palm flush against your belly. "feel me there, sweet girl?"

"I- yes, yes, please, p-please ㅡ " You were hanging on the mattress for dear life, your brain foggy. nothing made sense but this. Joel buried deep inside of you. he fucked you hard, and deep, your stomach churning at every hit. his calloused hands gripped tightly at you hips, his moves now more ragged.

"shitㅡ whish I married you, baby.." he says through grunts, palms still gripping your hips. "Wish it were you there in that dress. 'm sorryㅡ" you cry a little louder as you feel his dick twitch inside of you. "let me put a baby in you, sweet girl, we can run away andㅡ fuck, run away and be happy. have our own little family." your eyes roll to the back of your head. "Joel, Iㅡ"

"You'd want that? imma make you a mommaㅡ my pretty wife, god."

" 'm s-so close, Joel, please "

"I know, baby, I know. Y-You go ahead." With a few more snaps of his hips, you're both coming, bodies writhing, as his head falls upon your chest. For a long, heavy moment, the world outside the room seemed to vanish. All that was left was the two of you, in that silent little room.

Joel pulls out, making you moan. He watches intently as his seed drips out of you, licking his lips as a palm rubs your lower belly. He hopes it'll stick.

[fiapple]

every time i see jeph loeb selina i end up wanting to tear my hair out...

[bloop-bl00p]

In defense of Octavia

TW: Lots of Trauma Dumping, Mention of abuse

She’s been wronged way too many times in this fandom for some reason. Look at her vibing, how can you hate her?

I’m a fan of Helluva Boss, mainly because of its potential but the quality dropped dead in the second season. We’re gonna talk about a character I’ve seen other fans misinterpreting in favor of the so-great Prince Stolass.

I want to talk about her mainly because I do what I want and because after studying her character I just realized that she’s just like me. Especially regarding her relationship with her father, I see myself in my younger years.

All of that to say…

She has all the right to feel abandoned.

Octavia obliviously has a stronger bond with her father, it shows in her behavior and little background details

When she wants to draw her family, she draws her and Stolas, we mostly see her being happy with him which leads me to think that she’s emotionally neglected by Stella. To her, Octavia is just an ‘egg’ that fell off her and she doesn't care about the impact killing Stolas could have on her daughter.

Despite being emotionally absent, Stella has a much more physical presence than Stolas. Most of the time Stolas is alone in his castle which leads me to think that Octavia is somewhere else with Stella. They did mention the two went on a weekend somewhere. This leads us to this question…

How can Octavia feel more close to her father?

Here’s the thing, I see a lot of my family dynamic here. My mom doesn’t pay attention to me at all, she doesn't want me to bother her and she makes it clear. My dad, however, who’s absent like 90% of the time, always tried to spare time with me. He explained to me that he was working and why he was doing all of this (I was like barely ten) but it never prevented him from trying to play with me, sharing his hobbies, going on a walk, and else.

He was there emotionally and, as a kid who was bullied, had no friends at all, and a mother who didn't give a damn, I cherished this relationship.

I believe the exact same thing happened with Octavia, we never see her with friends or even outside the castle, she’s isolated. Stolas has Prince duties, we’ve seen him carry them in the shows, hence why he’s mostly absent leaving her with her mother. But, at least when she was a kid, he tried to do stuff bringing her to Loo-Loo Land or being the one to comfort her. That is why she clings to her father, he’s the only one who actually shows her love and she’s terrified of losing that.

Regarding her mother, Stella obliviously doesn't care about her so the feeling is reciprocated. From a narrative standpoint, Stella is an unpredictable force of nature getting angry for pretty much anything that doesn't go her way. So Octativa learned to not cross her mother's path.

I know this expression, this is the “Oh fuck… they’re at it again?” she’s used to her mother's constant screaming, she's used to her parents fighting.

She did say they were a time when a parent didn't hate each other, which to me refers to the time when Stolas tanked Stella’s abuse. But, that doesn’t mean that Stella wasn't abusing him in front of a younger Octavia, she’s erratic and they did imply that she can get physical in her toxic behavior. Since Stella was passive, it was probably mostly harmful comments.

Putting personal things here, my mom was also very abusive to my older sibling. Since I was extremely young I learned not to ‘be a burden’ to avoid being abused as well, which includes things like not talking to her unless she does it first. Whether Octavia is aware of the physical abuse or not, she must know enough to know that it’s a bad idea to annoy Stella.

This is the only picture where we see her seemingly having a good relationship with Stolas, which to me feels like she’s faking it considering all we know about the family.

She has a pretty shitty household but her relationship with her father make it bearable until Stolas did a 180°

He randomly started to prioritize Blitz and don’t spill me the bullshit of ‘he’s trying’ he stopped trying long ago.

Let’s analyze this episode by episode:

In Loo Loo Land, Stolas seemingly tries to rebuild a visibly strained relationship with his daughter by bringing her to a park she liked when she was a kid. To this, she immediately responds with an “I’m not 5 anymore.” and an “I rather kill myself.” There’s no room for miscommunication, she doesn't want to go there, and she won’t enjoy it as much as she did back then. Still, he decides to go there, showing that he doesn't listen, and, he brings the one the thing that is currently ruining his already horrible marriage because of his own actions. Blitzø.

He’s trying to spend time with his daughter after a long time (this is mentioned in the episode) and he decides to bring in that one guy he’s hooking up with to deliberately make sexual remarks about him in front of her.

She’s uncomfortable the whole time, not just because she allegedly doesn’t like listening to her father's comments but because she doesn't like the park. She said it, yet Stolas doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't realize the faces she makes which are to me pretty communicative of her annoyance and discomfort.

This is not even subtle body language, yet he only notices it when she runs off. The worst part is that he still finds a way to think about Blitzø when his daughter leaves.

He looked upset that Blitzø didn't follow him! Did he expect that guy to pursue him constantly? He was in the middle of an argument with his daughter, I personally would have stepped away to give them space to talk and reconcile. But no, apparently Blitzø should be at his beck and call all the time.

But you know what, after all of this. He still apologized. That absolutely does not negate everything he did during the day but, at the end of it, he finally listened to her and even brought her to a place she actually wanted to be. Which is good, he acknowledged her discomfort and did something she liked.

Until Seeing Star.

Look I know Stolas was busy with Stella but he clearly doesn't care about her and her stuff.

Don’t tell me he couldn’t pinpoint Stella’s location with magic and teleport all of her belongings to her. Their discussion was barely about the furniture, he could have said that they were gonna be delivered and hung up the second he saw Octavia. Arguing with Stella is pointless, he’s the number one guy that should know that! Why does he continue to insult her, he’s just fuelling the fire!

Moving out her belongings would have been 10 times faster if he just hung up the phone, then he could have had a more mindful talk with Octavia without the constant bickering of his ex-wife.

But he didn't for some reason, fair enough, I guess. The writers do whatever they want. Anyway, Octavia got angry and ran to go see the stars on her own.

So, Stolas’ castle is in Pride but my point still stands, Octavia had the time to run from home and make the way all from her father's place to the city, find the specific building Blitzø held his organization in and Stolas didn't notice a thing.

You cannot tell me Stella managed to get his attention for that long AND you cannot tell me that his castle is close to the shitty disaffected building and the populace. His daughter ran off and he did not notice a thing.

Not only that but he has the nerve of blaming Blitzø for not watching the book. Like, dude! You should have watched your daughter instead!

Then he spills out more bullshit.

I don’t know Stolas, how could you possibly find her when you were shown to have countless abilities to do so?

Like bubbles projecting the image and locations of people.

Or that on time when you possessed corpses and one woman just to go full eldritch monstrosity just for one that one guy you’re cheating your wife with. And don’t whine about “They don’t love each other.” it’s still affecting his family, mainly his daughter so it’s still bad.

Of course, you do all of that without your grimoire without any problem, brushing it off with a…

I guess he forgot his ‘ways’ when it came to Octavia. But honestly, Loona literally found her easily just by looking at her Instagram account, couldn't he just call her or something? The girl had her phone the whole time and he didn't just think of calling her.

Me when I forget that I have teleportation power when I am in an enclosed space with nobody is looking.

You’re certainly not worrying right now. Via literally told him to his face that she was scared and he kept flirting with him even though he once again caused her to run away because of his neglect.

He’s not trying his best, THIS IS NOT TRYING!

No Loona, his daughter communicated very clearly issues related to their relationship, rather than reassuring her and being there for her as much as it’s realistically possible (he still has duties to carry), he gets in an avoidable petty fight with his ex and keeps an unhealthy dynamics with an imp he's been obsessing over. He doesn't focus, his priorities aren’t straight, and now Octavia feels abandoned.

I did mention that I had a good relationship with my father back then, but it stopped abruptly. His focus changed and he went out with friends after work and gradually stopped spending time with me. Until we never spent time together again, (to give you an idea the only moment where I could see him was in the morning for breakfast) now that can sound silly but I was a child, with no friends and a neglectful mom, losing the only good thing I had in life broke me. I knew his schedule, I knew he was spending time with work buddies and that just stung my self-esteem even more leaving me feeling like a burden when I was just a kid who wanted to feel love.

This is why I don’t like the “He’s trying.” I know what a trying struggling parent looks like and I know what happens when they stop. If you keep trying to do something and you’re constantly failing, either your technique isn’t the right one or you’re not and you’re convincing yourself you are.

And then there are people that’ll tell me that “He lived through the abuse of Stella for years for her.”

If you read all of this then I don’t feel like I need to explain how Octavia was at least partially exposed to Stella's toxic behavior and was affected by it.

For those who don’t know how it feels to live with an erratic mood-swinging person, it’s pure constant stress. You have to think constantly before you talk or move because you know that if you fuck up you’re gonna pay the price. And if you still eventually mess up you can never know with these types of people! You can’t defend yourself because the punishment will be far worse. You are ALWAYS in the wrong.

So he lived through the abuse of Stella just so his daughter could get neglected and abused in a less physical way?

The difference between my parents and Octavia is that they love each other. Stolas doesn't give a damn about Stella, he did say he was nice at first because he empathized with her they were in this shitty situation together, and fine, it's reasonable. But she never changed! Stella stayed the same! Why didn’t he leave her when he stopped carrying about her?! There’s no trauma bounding, Stella isn’t guilt-tripping or manipulating him, they got the child he could have divorced her easily without consequences! If anything, she’s the losing part of this divorce she’s lower in the hierarchy! “Andreaphul will get angry.” HE’S A MARQUIS! Hierarchically speaking Stolas is far more important and he mopes the floor with his peacock ass!

Am I supposed to be empathetic with that one dude who willingly let his daughter grow up in a hyper-toxic environment with an emotionally neglectful and unpredictable wife?! Am I supposed to believe he cares when he kept sleeping in his house in his bed with the same guy his daughter clearly is worried he’s going to leave her with?! Really?!

Don’t ever tell me that this is trying.

[spencerreiddddd]

Unfit, or fit?

I actually love this recommendation so much, hope you love it @ilovethepipecleaner !💋

Gist: Spencer and you had never really thought about having kids because you both grew up in broken homes, so what happens when you find out your expecting a little one.

You felt hands running up and down your stomach as you groggily opened your eyes.

A smile crept onto your face as you realized you were in your husbands embrace.

“Good morning Dr.” you said teasingly as you shifted onto your back to look at Spence who was staring at you hair askew and mess.

“Good morning Mrs. Reid.” He said as he bent down to give you a kiss, Spencer and you had been married for almost a year now and he still loved calling you by your new last name.

“We gotta get ready for work.” He said getting up from the bed and walking over to your shared closet. His statement causing you to groan, you wanted a few more minutes to stay in bed with Spencer but you knew serial killers don’t wait.

“Im coming” you said as you got up from bed joining Spencer in the closet.

You walked out the elevator hand in hand with Spencer as you made a disgusted face at the comment Spencer had made in the elevator talking about how many micro-organisms were currently on your face.

“You couldn’t give me any other statistic Spence?” You say with a disgusted face causing Reid to chuckle.

“OHHHH, if it isn’t my favorite married couple.” You heard a familiar cheery voice say from the hallway causing Spencer and you to look up with smiles in both of your face’s already knowing who the voice belonged to.

“Pen!” You said letting go of Reid’s hand to embrace your shot of sunlight. “My sweet girl!” She said hugging you so tight you thought you’d throw up your breakfast….but the thought made your stomach queasy and when Penelope let you go you lifted your hand up to your mouth gagging a bit as you felt your saliva and mouth get hot. Clear indicators you were going to throw up, quickly realizing this you ran over to the large trash can in the hallway and hurled your insides out.

Spencer and Pen were quick to reach your side as Spencer grabbed your hair into a makeshift pony tail and pen rubbed circles on your back.

“Y/N ? Are you alright?” Spencer said as you got up wiping your mouth. You nodded “yeah I am.” You said a little confused on what caused you to throw up.

“Maybe it was something you ate for breakfast?” Pen offered a conclusion and you nodded in agreement.

Spencer seemed a little iffy but all of you agreed for that to be the case. “Ima go wash up I’ll meet you at the briefing.” You say to both of them as you walk towards the bathroom.

It was odd lately your body had been feeling different, you had been feeling more nauseous lately but you had always made rational conclusions for it, like a stomach bug or an allergy you didn’t know you had. Your breast had been sore lately but you always concluded it to Spencer and his tight grips during sex.

Spitting the sink water out your mouth you looked at your reflection in the mirror, a thought suddenly dawned on you.

Pregnant…

The word flashed into your mind causing you to look at your stomach. There was no way right? You were on the pill because you and Spencer agreed you both weren’t ready to discuss having kids yet.

However

The pill didn’t mean you were 100% free from getting pregnant. Unvoluntarily you moved your hand to your stomach feeling for something??

No you couldn’t be a mom, how could you be a mom? You didn’t have a mom growing up your mom had always been absent. She was always out in clubs, drinking and partying, and when she was home she was sleeping her hangover away and waking up just in time to go to her Waffle House night shift. Leaving you alone to take the bus to school, coming home to an empty home, not just physically but emotionally too. Your mother seemed to want to be around everyone else but you, only once had you heard I love you fall from your mothers lips towards you, and she was in her drunken state. It had been a late night after the club and she walked into your room reeking of alcohol as you read a book. She walked over falling to her knees and begging you to forgive her and she spat out I love you’s.

Yet the next morning it was like the night never happened and she didn’t even remember. Your father had died when you were 4 so you didn’t remember much of him at all. How could you be a mom if you never had one to teach you how to be one?

“Y/N?” A voice came from the bathroom door snapping you out of your thoughts. JJ stood at the door a confused expression on her face “you okay?” She asked as you walked over to her. “Yeah of course why do you ask?” You responded with plastering a smile on your face. She eyed you up and down analyzing if you were being truthful “nothing, just came to get you because were about to start the briefing.” She said as you both walked out the bathroom and towards the glass doors.

“Oh okay thank you.” You said smiling at her as she sent you a warm motherly smile.

JJ was a mom she was an excellent mom, always boasting about her kids expressing how proud she was, how much she loved them. You’d want to be like JJ if you’d ever were a mom, sometimes you’d think how lucky Henry and Michael were to have such a loving and caring mom like JJ. You’d seen how JJ would give her life up for her children how her children would be her first priority edite anything else.

“Okay since we’re all here let’s start.” Pen said as you and JJ took a seat in the round table as Pen described the case.

The case had taken a turn for the worst, the unsub was more unpredictable than any of you thought. He managed to escape from the house when Morgan broke down the door which brought you to where you were now, chasing after him in a car. Morgan drove as you rode shot gun shot gun and being his extra set of eyes. The rest of the team were in different cars taking different roads to be able to find a way to surround the unsub.

“He took a right at blíndale street!” You shouted at Morgan as he quickly turned the car right. Turning to look at the dashboard Morgan was hitting 85mph to keep up with the unsub.

“I lost him!” Morgan yelled as you looked back up to the street scanning for the blue minivan. Infront of tow cars you spotted it again as the unsub was wrong way driving. “I see him he’s over there!” You said pointing to the mini van as Morgan spotted him. Morgan turned sharply as cars began braking and beeping.

You turned your attention to the oncoming traffic spotting a 18 wheeler coming straight towards you. Your eyes widened “Morgan watch out!” You screamed as the truck got closer and you closed your eyes waiting for impact. “Hold on Y/N!” Morgan yelled putting his hand over your body like a seat belt as the 18 wheeler came tumbling towards y’all.

The strength of the hit caused the car to flip over 5 times landing on the side. Air bags hit your face and the seatbelt felt like the tightest thing around your body burning your chest with its grip. You whimpered in pain as the car stopped rolling and came to a stop. The smell of oil filling your lungs and the ringing in your ears louder than anything you’ve ever heard before. Your eyelids heavy and head throbbing you blacked out.

The coldness hit your skin as you felt goosebumps form on your arms. You felt pain shot onto your chest causing you to groan and scrunch you face, immediately there was a presence hovering over you and a voice “Honey? Honey? Can you hear me?” Spencer’s quiet voice sounded so beautiful to your ears as you slowly blinked your eyes open. The bright white fluorescent lights blinds you temporarily, you shifted your aching neck at Spencer. His eyebrows furrowed his eyes sad and desperate, his hands gripping onto yours as if he were to let go you would disappear.

“Spence?” You murmured out

“Yeah baby I’m here.” He said moving a strand of hair out of your face and tucking it behind your ear.

“What happened?” Was all you could say trying to remember anything.

“There was an accident you got hit by a 18 wheeler.” He said caressing your cheek.

Memories flooded back into your mind gasping as you remembered Morgan.

“Oh my God is Morgan okay?!” You asked trying to sit up and groaning in pain. Quickly Spencer positioned you back down “hey no no no, stay still Morgan’s okay he has a broken arm but other than that he’s doing okay.” Spencer assured you causing you to relax.

“He broke his arm because of me.” You say looking at Spencer remembering how Morgan’s first instinct was to protect you.

“Because he loves you, he chose to willingly protect you. It’s not your fault.” Spencer said looking down at your chest.

Your eyes following his as you say your hospital gown had blood around your chest. Curious you pulled down the gown from your shoulders revealing a rash across your chest.

“The seatbelt caused that.” Spencer’s voice rang out.

“The seat belt saved you.” Spencer said quietly as if he was telling himself those words.

“Mr. & Mrs. Reid?” A woman’s voice came from the room door, it was a doctor.

“Yes that’s us.” Spencer said getting up from his seat as the doctor walked in to stand by your bed a smile on her face.

“I have purely good news!” The small blonde doctor beamed with a smile on her face as she opened her clipboard.

“The rash will heal in about 2 months time and we will be providing ointment for the itchiness it may cause.” She said as Spencer and you smiled.

“And no internal damage was cause to you or your baby.” She finished off as she closed her clipboard looking between you and Spencer.

The room was quiet.

Did she just say baby?

No?

Did she?

No?

You were hallucinating, you had to be… right?

“Excuse me baby?” Spencer’s voice cracked as he stared at the doctor.

“Yes… I’m sorry did you not know you were pregnant Mrs?” The blonde turned to look at you puzzled.

“N-no.” You say quickly

“You’re 8 weeks pregnant, your baby’s organs are beginning to form.” She says opening her clipboard again and looking at her medical charts for you.

“I will take my leave now, call me if you need anything.” The blonde says giving a polite smile and walking out of the room leaving you and Spencer in silence.

It was deafening quite, Spencer was frozen in place his eyes a mixture of emotions as he stared into space.

Your eyes began to swell up with tears. Memory’s of your childhood flooding your head, you couldn’t be a mom you didn’t know how to be a mom. This would end badly, what if you were like your own mom or worse? Tears ran down your cheeks like water flow.

“I’m so sorry Spencer.” You cracked out, you knew Spencer wasn’t jumping at the opportunity to have kids he had told you before he never had a dad so he wouldn’t know how to be one. Spencer loved his mom but she wasn’t a role model or 100% there all the time like she should have been.

“I’m so so sorry.” You said again bringing your hand to cover your mouth.

Spencer turned his head towards you taking in your crying face.

“Baby…shhh shhh shh.” He said sitting back down and wiping your fallen tears.

“I know you don’t want to be a dad.” You said holding his hand the rested on your cheek.

“What makes you think that?” He said his eyes pained

“You said before you didn’t have a dad so you wouldn’t want to put your own child through what you’ve been through.” You said your voice weak.

“I know baby but i know I won’t be the man my father was, because I have you. Because we’re doing this together.” He said kissing your eyelids.

“What if I’m like her.” You said looking up at Spencer.

He knew who you were talking about and he hated that you thought that about yourself.

“Baby you won’t be like her, because you aren’t her… you’ve already proven that because you show love and support to your friends, because you are able to show your love and affection through words and actions. That already proves you are nothing like her.” Spencer says rubbing his thumb up and down your cheek.

You nod your head soaking in his words.

“We’re gonna do this together.” He says smiling softly

“Promise?” You ask

“Promise.” He responds kissing you.

“Mommy mommy bedtime story!” Little Alice says as she crawls into her toddler bed you giggle as you turn the little lamp on in her room by her bed side.

“How about daddy tells you as story instead?” You say as Spencer walks into the room and smiles widely.

“Yes yes!” She says as you slide in next to her in bed.

“What about the story of Rumple Buttercup?” Spencer says sitting on the other side of Alice so she lays in between you two.

Alice giggles “that’s a weird name daddy!” Spencer smiles

“That’s the point princess Rumple is weird.” He says matching his daughter’s wide grin.

You watch both of them a smile spread across your face, you did it. Both of you, you both did it together.

You learned and grew and you couldn’t be more proud of the parents you both were.

You couldn’t be more proud of Alice your little angel your saving grace. You both had no idea how much you needed her until you both had her. You can’t imagine a world without Alice, you’d made a promise to always protect her no matter what, she was a part of you and Spencer put together.

Spencer got up from the bed snapping your attention away from your thoughts.

You looked down at a snoring Alice.

You smiled as you bent down to caress her cheek and place a kiss on her forehead “I love you angel.” You whispered as you got up and Spencer stared at you.

“What?” You smiled as he walked over to you wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You look so beautiful as a mom.” Spencer said kissing your cheek causing you to smile.

“You think so?” You teased lifting your arms to wrap around his neck.

“You’re the most beautiful woman.” He said burring his head into your neck as you both rocked in place.

Everything was so perfect.

“I love you.” He whispered into your skin.

“Thank you for everything for giving me what I didn’t know I needed.” He added as he kissed your neck affectionately.

“I love you more.” You responded tears brewing in your eyes.

No because I had so much fun writing this, it was so cute. I hope you all like this as much as I did!

[millyh23]

Old ink

Alessia Russo x Reader

Word count: 4k

_________________________________________________

You had managed to keep the tattoo hidden for as long as you could. It wasn’t that you were ashamed of it, but there was a certain awkwardness that came with carrying a permanent reminder of your past. It was a small, delicate script of your ex’s name inked discreetly near your hip—an impulsive decision made during the whirlwind of a long-gone relationship. No one in your current circle knew about it, not even your girlfriend, Alessia Russo. You’d never felt the need to mention it; after all, it was a part of your past, and what mattered now was the present you shared with Alessia.

You had fallen hard for Alessia, and the relationship felt different from the start—more real, more grounded, and certainly more serious than any you’d had before. That tattoo? It was a relic of a younger, more reckless you. But Alessia didn’t need to know about it. At least, that’s what you’d convinced yourself.

Everything came crashing down one afternoon at training, though, when Katie McCabe, ever the joker, decided to make light of something you had never intended anyone to notice.

Training had been intense, and as you and the Arsenal team headed back to the locker room, the mood was light and full of banter. You were laughing with some of your teammates, Alessia by your side, when you began peeling off your training kit to change into your regular clothes. You’d done this a hundred times before, always careful not to draw attention to your lower back where the ink was hidden beneath your shorts. But today, you were a little less cautious, still caught up in the post-practice high.

As you were pulling on your shirt, you felt a sharp whistle behind you. “Oi! What’s that then?” Katie’s thick Irish accent broke through the locker room chatter. You froze.

You turned slowly, catching sight of Katie pointing directly at your exposed hip. “You’ve been holding out on us, Y/N! That’s a name, isn’t it? Who’s the lucky ex?”

Your heart plummeted as a wave of heat rushed to your cheeks. The room fell silent for a moment before a ripple of amused laughter spread among your teammates. “Oh God, Y/N has secret ink!” Beth chimed in with a smirk.

You glanced nervously at Alessia, who had been sitting on the bench nearby, untying her cleats. Her expression shifted from amusement to confusion, her brow furrowing as her eyes locked on the tattoo. “Y/N?” Alessia’s voice was soft, but you could hear the tension in it.

Your stomach twisted painfully as you realized the gravity of the situation. This was not how you wanted Alessia to find out.

Katie, oblivious to the mounting tension, kept going. “Well, well, well. What’s the story behind this little gem? A memento of an old flame, eh?” She nudged you playfully, clearly enjoying the reaction from the team.

You tried to play it off, but the unease in the room was palpable. “It’s just… an old tattoo. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.”

Katie wasn’t done, though. “Oh, come on, don’t tell us it’s meaningless now! You know what they say—tattoos last forever, just like true love.” She winked, but your heart sank as Alessia’s gaze darkened.

The laughter that had filled the room began to fade as the other players picked up on the shift in atmosphere. Alessia stood up, her eyes fixed on you, hurt flickering behind them. “You never told me about this,” she said, her voice quieter now, the usual warmth absent.

Your heart hammered in your chest as you searched for the right words, but none came. You felt exposed, not just physically, but emotionally, standing there with everyone’s eyes on you, and most painfully, Alessia’s.

“I didn’t think it mattered,” you finally muttered, but even as the words left your mouth, you knew how weak they sounded.

Katie, sensing that she had stumbled into something more serious than just locker room banter, awkwardly cleared her throat. “Uh, alright, maybe I’ve taken this too far. I didn’t mean to… you know…”

But the damage was already done.

The rest of the locker room quieted as you hurried to get dressed, feeling Alessia’s silence like a heavy weight pressing on your chest. You wanted to talk to her, to explain, but now wasn’t the time—not with the rest of the team around. Alessia didn’t say another word as she finished getting changed and quickly headed out of the room, leaving you to trail after her.

By the time you made it outside, Alessia was already walking toward the car park, her shoulders tense. You jogged to catch up with her, your breath hitching with a mix of exhaustion and panic. “Alessia, wait.”

She stopped but didn’t turn around, her back rigid. “What, Y/N?” she asked, her voice tight. “What do you want me to say?”

You moved to stand in front of her, your heart aching at the hurt in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. It’s just… it’s an old tattoo from a long time ago. It doesn’t mean anything anymore, I swear.”

Alessia crossed her arms, her lips pressed into a thin line. “It doesn’t mean anything? You have your ex’s name tattooed on your body, and you didn’t think that was important enough to mention to your current girlfriend?”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up,” you admitted, feeling like a fool for ever thinking this could stay hidden. “I got it when I was young, and I haven’t even thought about it in years. You’re the one I love, Lessi. You’re the one who matters.”

She shook her head, her frustration clear. “It’s not just the tattoo, Y/N. It’s that you kept it from me. What else haven’t you told me?”

Your chest tightened as her words hit home. “There’s nothing else, I swear. I didn’t mean to keep it from you, I just… I didn’t think it was worth bringing up.”

Alessia finally looked at you, her expression softening slightly, though the hurt was still there. “But it is worth bringing up. It matters to me because it’s a part of your past that I didn’t know about.”

You reached out, gently taking her hand. “I’m sorry, Alessia. I really am. I should have been honest with you. I’ll do better, I promise.”

For a long moment, she didn’t say anything, her eyes searching yours as if trying to gauge whether she could trust your words. Finally, she let out a slow breath, her shoulders relaxing just a little. “I believe you, but… I need some time to process this.”

You nodded, your heart heavy but relieved that she wasn’t shutting you out completely. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready.”

She gave you a small, sad smile before pulling her hand away and heading toward her car. You stood there, watching as she drove off, the weight of your mistake settling heavily in your chest.

The days following the tattoo revelation were tense. Alessia kept her distance, not in an angry way, but in a way that made it clear she needed space to think. You respected that, but it didn’t stop the anxiety from gnawing at you. You hated the idea that something as trivial as an old tattoo could drive a wedge between you, but you also understood why Alessia was upset.

At practice, things were awkward. Katie had apologized profusely once she realized the impact of her joke, but it didn’t change the fact that your relationship was now the subject of locker room whispers. Everyone had seen Alessia’s reaction, and though no one openly talked about it, you could feel their curiosity and concern.

You missed the easygoing nature of your relationship with Alessia—the way she would steal glances at you during practice, or how you’d spend evenings curled up on the couch together. But now, there was a distance between you, and it left you feeling adrift.

One evening, after a particularly grueling practice, you found Alessia sitting alone in the empty stadium seats, her head bowed as she stared out at the field. Taking a deep breath, you approached her, unsure if she was ready to talk but knowing you needed to try.

“Hey,” you said softly, sitting down next to her.

She didn’t look at you but acknowledged your presence with a quiet, “Hey.”

You sat in silence for a moment before speaking again. “I hate how things have been between us lately.”

Alessia sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I know. It’s just… this whole thing made me realize how much I don’t know about your past. It’s scary, you know?”

You nodded, understanding the vulnerability behind her words. “I get that. But I promise, I’m an open book from now on. No more secrets. No more surprises.”

Finally, she turned to look at you, her eyes soft but still guarded. “I love you, Y/N. I just need to know that I can trust you completely.”

“I love you too, Alessia,” you said, your voice filled with sincerity. “And you can. I’ll prove it to you every day if I have to.”

She studied you for a long moment before finally leaning in

Alessia studied your face for a long moment before she spoke again, her voice quiet but steady. “I need to ask you something,” she said, her gaze steady but tinged with uncertainty.

“Of course, anything,” you replied, sensing where this was going. Your heart clenched, knowing this conversation had been a long time coming.

Alessia bit her lip, hesitant but determined. “It’s not just about the tattoo. It’s about… everything I don’t know about your past. I know I’ve never really asked before, but after all this… I can’t help but wonder. I want to know about your exes, Y/N. I need to understand what they meant to you and where I fit into all of it.”

You weren’t surprised, but the question still caught you off guard. You’d been with Alessia for months now, and although you both knew the other had dated before, neither of you had ever really delved into past relationships. It had been an unspoken agreement to focus on the present and not dredge up old wounds. But now, it seemed that was no longer an option.

You took a deep breath, shifting in your seat to face her more fully. “I get it. I’ve been keeping parts of my past hidden, and that’s not fair to you. I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to leave those things behind, but I see now that not talking about them doesn’t make them go away.”

Alessia nodded, her eyes softening slightly, though the tension was still there. “So… tell me. I want to understand.”

You hesitated, gathering your thoughts. It wasn’t easy opening up about your past relationships, especially the ones that had hurt you. But if it would help heal the rift between you and Alessia, it was worth it.

“The tattoo… it’s from a relationship I had a few years ago,” you began, your voice quiet but steady. “Her name was Sophie. We were together for about two years, and it was serious. Or at least, I thought it was at the time. I got the tattoo during a moment when I thought we’d be together forever. You know how those things go… when you’re young and think love is unbreakable.”

Alessia listened intently, her expression unreadable. “What happened between you two?” she asked after a pause.

You sighed, the memory of Sophie still carrying a faint sting. “We grew apart. It wasn’t some big, dramatic breakup. We just… stopped being what we were. It became clear that we wanted different things in life, and in the end, we went our separate ways. The tattoo was a reminder of that relationship for a while, but after we broke up, it just became… a part of my body that I stopped thinking about.”

“And you never thought to get it removed?” Alessia asked, her voice neutral, though you could hear the curiosity behind it.

“I did think about it,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “But it didn’t feel necessary. I wasn’t holding onto feelings for her or anything. It was just… there, and I never thought it would be an issue.”

Alessia nodded slowly, processing your words. “And Sophie? Do you still talk to her?”

You shook your head quickly. “No, not at all. We haven’t spoken in years. There’s no lingering feelings or anything like that. I promise, Lessi, she’s in the past. You’re my present, and my future.”

There was a moment of silence as Alessia absorbed what you had said. She took a deep breath before asking, “Were there others?”

You hesitated again, knowing this was going to be a difficult conversation but also realizing it was necessary if you were going to build real trust between you. “Yes. I’ve had a few other relationships, but none that meant as much to me as what we have now. After Sophie, I dated casually, but nothing serious. You’re the first person I’ve felt this deeply for in a long time.”

Alessia’s eyes softened as you spoke, but there was still a lingering tension in the air. “I guess… I just didn’t realize how much of your past I didn’t know about,” she said softly. “It’s not that I’m jealous, but it’s hard to hear that you’ve had these deep relationships, and I’m only learning about them now.”

“I get that,” you said, taking her hand gently. “And I’m sorry for keeping it all bottled up. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to share it with you—it’s more that I wanted to leave it all behind. But you’re right. If we’re going to be together, you deserve to know everything about me, even the messy parts.”

Alessia squeezed your hand, her expression softening further. “I just want to know where I fit into your life. I don’t want to feel like I’m competing with ghosts from your past.”

“You’re not,” you said firmly, your heart aching at the thought of her feeling that way. “I’m with you because I love you, Alessia. You’re everything to me. The past… it’s just that—the past. It doesn’t compare to what we have.”

Alessia’s lips twitched into a small smile, though there was still a hint of vulnerability in her eyes. “I believe you,” she said quietly. “It’s just going to take me some time to get used to all this.”

“I understand,” you replied softly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll give you all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

For a long moment, you sat in silence, the weight of the conversation still hanging in the air, but the tension between you easing. Alessia leaned into your side, resting her head on your shoulder, and you wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. It wasn’t a perfect resolution, but it was a start. You knew that healing the rift would take time, but you were willing to do whatever it took to show Alessia that she was your future.

Over the next few days, things slowly began to return to normal between you and Alessia. The tension that had lingered after the tattoo incident gradually started to fade, replaced by a sense of understanding and renewed closeness. Alessia asked more questions about your past—nothing intrusive, but enough to satisfy her curiosity. She wanted to understand you better, to know what had shaped you into the person you were now.

And you were more than willing to open up. You told her about your past relationships, your mistakes, and the lessons you had learned along the way. It was uncomfortable at times, but it felt necessary. Each conversation was like another step toward rebuilding the trust that had been shaken.

Alessia, for her part, began to let go of her initial hurt. She could see that you were committed to being open with her, and that meant more to her than anything. Still, there were moments when she’d glance at the tattoo with a wistful expression, and you’d feel a pang of guilt, knowing that a part of her still felt unsettled by it.

One evening, after training, you found yourselves lounging on the couch in your apartment, the warmth of a shared blanket wrapped around you. Alessia rested her head on your chest, her fingers tracing absentminded patterns on your arm.

“I’ve been thinking,” she said after a long stretch of comfortable silence. “About the tattoo.”

You tensed slightly, wondering where this was going. “Yeah?”

“I don’t think you need to remove it,” she said softly, surprising you. “I know I was upset at first, but I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized that it’s just a part of your story. It doesn’t define us, and it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

You exhaled, relieved. “Are you sure? I don’t want it to bother you.”

“It’s okay,” she said, pressing a soft kiss to your collarbone. “What matters is that I trust you now. And I do. Besides, we all have things in our past we wish we could change, right? But they don’t define us.”

You smiled, feeling a wave of affection for her. “Thank you. I love you, Alessia. And I’m so grateful that we can talk about these things.”

“I love you too,” she whispered, snuggling closer to you. “And from now on, no more secrets. Deal?”

“Deal,” you agreed, pulling her into a tender kiss.

The decision to get the tattoo removed wasn’t something you made lightly. After the conversation with Alessia, when she told you she didn’t mind if you kept it, you realized how much you wanted to let go of the past—completely. While she was understanding and supportive, you knew deep down that having your ex’s name permanently etched on your skin, even if it didn’t carry emotional weight anymore, wasn’t something you were comfortable with. It felt like an unnecessary reminder of a time that no longer defined you.

The clinic was small, clean, and the faint scent of antiseptic filled the air as you walked in. You were nervous—this wasn’t just about the physical act of removing the tattoo. It was symbolic, a final step in closing the door on that chapter of your life. You’d had a few sleepless nights leading up to this, but once you made the appointment, the weight of indecision finally lifted.

The nurse at the desk smiled kindly as she checked you in. "First time?" she asked, noticing your apprehension.

You nodded. "Yeah. Just trying to get rid of some old ink."

"Well, you're in good hands. It might sting a little, but you'll be okay," she reassured you. "It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be."

You thanked her and took a seat in the waiting area, your heart racing as the minutes ticked by. You glanced at your phone, noticing a message from Alessia.

Lessi: “Thinking of you today, babe. You’ve got this. Can’t wait to see you after xx.”

A soft smile tugged at your lips. Alessia had been supportive the whole time, even though she said she didn’t need you to do it for her. She reassured you that your past didn’t bother her, that she loved you no matter what. But you wanted this—for yourself, and for her. It felt like a necessary step toward fully moving on and starting fresh.

The nurse eventually called your name, leading you to the back room where the procedure would take place. As you lay on the chair, the buzzing of the laser machine filled the small room. You clenched your fists at your sides as the technician started working on the tattoo. The sting was sharp but bearable, and you focused on steadying your breath, determined to get through it.

As the minutes passed, you thought about everything that had led you here. Your relationship with Sophie, the highs and lows, and how different it was from what you had with Alessia. Sophie had been important once, but what you had with Alessia was different. It was deeper, more real, more grounded in trust and mutual respect.

When the session was over, the technician applied a bandage over your now-fading tattoo and gave you instructions for the aftercare. “It’s going to take a few sessions to fully remove it,” she explained. “But we’ve made a good start today. Just follow the care instructions, and we’ll see you back in a few weeks.”

You thanked her, feeling lighter as you left the clinic. The tattoo wasn’t completely gone yet, but the process had started, and that was enough for now.

Later that evening, you returned home to find Alessia waiting for you on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket with a movie paused on the TV. When she heard you come in, she turned her head, her eyes lighting up as she saw you.

“How’d it go?” she asked, sitting up a little straighter, her expression soft but curious.

You smiled, dropping your bag by the door and walking over to join her. “It was fine. Hurt a bit, but nothing I couldn’t handle.”

Alessia’s eyes softened, and she reached for your hand, pulling you down onto the couch beside her. “You’re amazing, you know that? You didn’t have to do this, but the fact that you wanted to… it means a lot.”

“I wanted to,” you said, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “Not just for you, but for me too. It felt like the right thing to do. I don’t need that reminder of the past anymore.”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling with warmth as she looked up at you. “I’m proud of you.”

You rested your head against hers, feeling the comfort of her presence wash over you. For a few moments, you sat in comfortable silence, her hand tracing gentle circles on your arm.

“Do you ever regret any of it?” Alessia asked quietly, her voice soft but curious.

“Regret what?” you asked, turning your head slightly to look at her.

“Your past relationships. The tattoo, Sophie… all of it.”

You thought for a moment, considering her question. “I don’t think I regret it,” you said slowly. “I mean, it wasn’t always easy, and I’ve made mistakes. But I’ve learned from them, and those experiences shaped who I am today. I wouldn’t be the person I am without them. And without all of that, I might not have ended up with you.”

Alessia smiled, a hint of relief in her eyes. “I’m glad you think that way. I guess… I just don’t want to feel like I’m competing with your past. I know we’ve talked about this, but sometimes it still lingers in the back of my mind.”

You cupped her cheek gently, your thumb brushing over her soft skin. “You’re not competing with anyone, Less. You’re the one I choose, every day. The past is behind us, and I’m all in with you. I’m doing this because I want to move forward, to build a future with you.”

Her eyes softened, and she leaned into your touch. “I know. I guess it’s just me overthinking, as usual.”

You smiled, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “Well, stop overthinking. I love you, and nothing about my past changes that.”

She grinned, her mood lightening. “Okay, okay. I’ll try.”

You snuggled into her side, resting your head on her shoulder. The weight of the past seemed to lift, leaving only the warmth of the present. You were moving forward together, and that was all that mattered.

As the night wore on, you found yourself feeling more at peace than you had in a long time. Removing the tattoo was just the first step, but it symbolized so much more. You and Alessia were stronger for it, and the future stretched out ahead of you, full of possibilities.

Over the next few weeks, you went through a few more sessions at the clinic, watching as the tattoo slowly faded away. Alessia was with you every step of the way, her support unwavering. Each session felt like another step toward leaving the past behind and focusing on the life you were building together.

By the time the tattoo was fully gone, you felt lighter, freer. It was a small thing in the grand scheme of life, but it represented something much bigger—the love and trust you shared with Alessia, and your commitment to building a future together, free of any lingering shadows from the past.

When you showed Alessia the final result, her face lit up with pride and affection. “It’s gone,” she said softly, tracing her fingers over the smooth skin where the tattoo used to be.

“Yeah,” you replied, your heart swelling with love as you looked at her. “It’s gone.”

And with that, you felt like you were truly starting a new chapter—a chapter that belonged to you and Alessia, and no one else.

_________________________________________________

The End

[ficandkaboodle]

Analyses of Most Ghost Characters be like…

Terzo was a tragic and extremely deep figure who, based off observations provided by his ghouls and Bishop Necropolitis, was a brilliant mind whose ideas were bastardized and squandered, which resulted in a disappointed and bitter husk of a man who still made an effort to display kindness. However, we will likely never truly know the full story of who he was because he lied so damn often.

Most of how we perceive Secondo is arguably the result of Sister badmouthing him as well as ghouls being brutally candid about how he acted in interviews. However, there’s reason to believe Secondo might’ve been just as multifaceted as Terzo, in that he wasn’t being his complete self to the audience. There’s evidence that could suggest Secondo did not enjoy being Papa in its entirety so much as the perks, which were ironically also hindered by him being Papa at the end of the day. It’s not hard to interpret him as someone who might not have enjoyed being a part of the bloodline at the end of the day because of what it meant he had to sacrifice.

Copia is a manchild, likely as a result of how he grew up: Orphaned, likely a social outcast, very likely undiagnosed. As a result, he might’ve become convinced that the only way to rise above it was to become someone worthy of adoration: Papa. But even after he ascended, his troubles didn’t stop: He had to learn his parentage, didn’t address the fact that his brothers were now dead, and spent the last few months he had with the woman he now knew was his mother dissociating because he developed a fear of death. This fear, mind you, that easily ties back into the theorized likelihood that he placed his self-worth into his success. And this is before getting into his willingness to be a puppet —

Papa Nihil’s complexities come in the form of his tendencies to escape reality and the consequences these brought. He was very likely an absent father, which would have had effects on his sons (say, attention-seeking tendencies; a distrust in authority; abandonment issues). In fact, the only things he seems to seek from his youth is his extremely short-lived music career and his unstable relationship with a woman who ultimately kept quiet about their son(s) they conceived together and ultimately played his lust and delusions against him to play nepotism. And by leaning into this, he got his own children killed. He only “became a father” after he died, and it’s sad that he actually seems his most lucid then. What’s all the more mind-boggling and makes you wonder about his tenure is his ability to be in the moment and try and convince Cardi to learn to do the same. It makes you curious: Was Nihil actually a good Papa when he wasn’t distracted?

Sister Imperator is willfully emotionally constipated and will justify it as being “for the good of the church”. She has definitely been affected by her decisions and what she’s done, from her relationship with Nihil to her giving up her babies and watching them at a distance, only interacting from a work standpoint. She lies, keeps secrets, has people killed off, all to tie her spawn into the position as Papa, which is curious considering her position means she’s already above the station of Papa. She does care about Cardi, but she doesn’t care for him the way he needs to be and, as a result, arguably only exacerbates his anxious tendencies. She’s an extremely interesting character but it’s so easy to water her down to just being manipulative and evil.

………………

Analyses of Primo —

Primo is fucking crazy man I don’t — Like, he might be a serial killer; he would punch a panda for profit; we aren’t even entirely certain he’s human like I would legit headcanon that Primo is a changeling and the fandom would run with it because what choice do we have, he honestly actually could be!!!

[psuedosugu]

Ohhhh my golly I saw your Vox x daughter reader an it got me thinking now HEAR ME OUT….what if reader got bored on day an just went for a walk and somehow came across Alastor, now let’s say Alastor’s a lil confused like he never knew Vox had a daughter and readers like *sad sigh* “I’d be surprised if anyone knew” an Alastors all fatherly to her at first it was to get dirt on Vox without reader realizing but in the end he just liked hanging out with her. Eventually Vox noticed how his daughter is gone half the time but reader just convinces her dad that she’s always home and how HES the one always away. Change the ending how you see fit or do whatever you like but UGH I love your writing stay hydrated and eat wellll🩵

assjjjkkj thank youuu the amount of feedback ive gotten on this acc that ive only been posting on for like 3 days is insane, anyways this is such an interesting idea omgee

cw: reader having some emotionally absent daddy issues

fem reader

pt 1 here

ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

͙͘͡★ || so you had just gone out on an innocent walk, right?

͙͘͡★ || well, technically snuck out since your dad doesn’t like you going out by yourself.

͙͘͡★ || theres bad people out there! what if you got kidnapped or something?

͙͘͡★ || no one recognizes you, of course, since he doesn’t really talk about you let alone shows you to the public.

͙͘͡★ || you appreciate him for that, you guess, it must be annoying to not be able to go anywhere without a bunch of microphones in your face.

͙͘͡★ || you just wish he was around more! he barely makes any time for you and yeah, his work is super important and time consuming but you’re his daughter!

͙͘͡★ || lost in thought, you bump into a dude in the sidewalk.

͙͘͡★ || “whoops! excuse me, ma’am!”, he says in a weird, static-ish voice.

͙͘͡★ || your skeleton almost jumps out of your skin when you look up.

͙͘͡★ || the radio demon, the guy that your dad has had beef with since you were little

͙͘͡★ || you just stare at him with a “ :o “ look on your face, not knowing if you should run or not.

“little girl, are you, um, alright?” he stares down at you, slightly confused.

“im…uhhh…im okay!”

“you’ve heard of me, i suppose.”

“i guess…. my dad doesn’t really like you.”

“and who might your father be, hm?”

“yk the tv dude? the one thats, like, everywhere? yeah, that him.”

“hmm…interesting…i wasn’t aware he had a daughter…”

“well, he doesn’t really talk about…..”

͙͘͡★ || at this point you stop blabbing mid sentence, realizing you probably shouldn’t have said all of that to his sworn enemy.

͙͘͡★ || what if he does kidnap you and holds you for ransom?

͙͘͡★ || but he doesn’t do that, surprisingly.

͙͘͡★ || he asks you why you’re out alone so late and you shrug, saying that your dad wasn’t really there to stop you.

͙͘͡★ || you were naive and alastor was planning to use that to his advantage, not to hurt you, but to hurt vox.

͙͘͡★ || what would he think when he found out that his own daughter was buddy-buddy with his sworn enemy?

͙͘͡★ || he’d feel like a failure of a father, and thats what alastor wanted, to get under his skin.

͙͘͡★ || you guys walked while you told him everything, about him being away all the time, about you feeling lonely, while he nodded along

͙͘͡★ || you guys even stopped at one of those old timey bar places and bought you a milkshake!

͙͘͡★ || eventually you headed home, your dad hadn’t noticed you had been gone which figures.

͙͘͡★ || this became routine, you hung out with alastor and he gave you advice and stuff. you thought that if he had an ulterior motive it would’ve shown itself by now but no, it hadn’t.

͙͘͡★ || alastor himself had started to forget why he had even started all of this. he found himself enjoying your company and actually caring about you.

͙͘͡★ || after a while vox started to notice that he’s been seeing you less than he usually does.

͙͘͡★ || i mean, the tower is big but cmon! there were days where he would barely see you at all! where were you going?

͙͘͡★ || he confronted you about it at dinner one day.

“[name], dearest, i cant help but notice that i haven’t been seeing you around much lately. what’ve you been up to?”

͙͘͡★ || you pause, looking up from your food.

“i, um, dont know what you’re talking about.”

͙͘͡★ || he furrows his (virtual) eyebrows.

“is that so?”

“mhm!”

͙͘͡★ || vox is reasonably skeptical and resorts to spying on you through your smartwatch because of course you have a voxtech branded smartwatch!

͙͘͡★ || hes absolutely livid when he finds out who you’ve been sneaking out to be with and he’s waiting for you when you get home.

͙͘͡★ || you’re indefinitely grounded until he says so and he starts tracking where you go in the tower.

͙͘͡★ || he knows that its a violation of privacy and stuff but dont you see that he’s trying to protect you? alastor is dangerous! he doesn’t get how you didn’t see it earlier.

͙͘͡★ || alastor does succeed on what he set out to do, though. vox is distraught, feeling like a horrible father. he even vents to valentino about it out of all the people!

“-i mean, what kind of father doesn’t even notice their own child sneaking out in broad daylight every day? i should’ve paid more attention to her, im a failure!”

“mhm….yeah….”

͙͘͡★ || val obviously doesn’t give a shit.

͙͘͡★ || after not bumping into you for a while and seeing the up in vox slandering him online, alastor figures what happened.

͙͘͡★ || he’s glad that he succeeded in his mission to bother vox further but does miss talking to you.

͙͘͡★ || vox does vow to make more time for you and be a more attentive dad, so i guess some good comes out of this.

ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

i do requests!

check out my masterlist!

[thegetdownrebooter]

This is actually so embarrassing like, they all took an L last week.

i'm fine with whatever that happens as long as stewy, shiv and connor don't take an L

[milqueandsugar]

🌼☕` Green With Envy `☕🌼

Gen / hurt-comfort if your like ten feet away and squinting, Fluff

Includes / Charlie , Alastor , Adam

| CHARLIE |

Charlie is never really jealous, alright, she has complete trust in you

That being said, it definitely happens!

Charlie is really, really emotionally intelligent and picks up on subtleties alot of others don't, she may be naive and trusting but she's not stupid and her vibe check has yet to be off

Ignore alastor that was a calculated risk

So when the two of you decide to take a break from promoting the hotel to share some greasy, cheesy food at a pub

Most food places were groceries, cannibalistic or bar and grills, so it wasn't uncommon for the two of you to go out for food and have a few drinks while you were there

She had just returned from the bathroom when she spotted the sinner chatting you up at the bar counter

Something about the sight, maybe the lighting, maybe how close the stools were- therefore how close you were, or something about how you played with the straw of your drink absent-mindedly set her off

She's not- proud of what she did per se

She slides in next to you, interlocking her fingers with your hand resting on the counter top, squeezing it affirmingly

"Hey hon, whose this?" Tone too cheery, smile a little to calculated

It's then she saw the hotel flyer in the sinners hands, aw, whoops

"Oh this is-"

"Travis."

They extended their hand too shake and still a little embarrassed about her initial take she took his hand, fumbling slightly before he squeezed her hand a little too hard

Oh

She wasn't the only one jealous here

She was VERY quick to get you two out of there, some emergency at the hotel or with nifty, or something, she doesn't like feeling like this and she doesn't like being in a situation that might make you uncomfortable, and to be very, very honest she did NOT want that demon anywhere near you

| ALASTOR |

He's a very confident man, he knows you love him, he knows that you know he'd do anything for you, he's comfortable with you

That being said when he finds the letter inviting you to an interview on 666 NEWS by Vox he felt all the jealousy he mocked others for having rise in his throat like bile

"It's some sort of trap, I don't want you going."

He sets the letter down in front of you, let's you read it, digest it before shrugging

"I don't know why'd they want to interview me anyways, I don't even think Angel has an interview with him."

"Oh I can think of a few reasons. "

He runs his fingers along your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him

"Maybe I should go then."

"What."

He didn't have time to register your teasing tone before your giggling at his expense

"If the people love me as much as you do maybe I should go on."

"Oh no one could possibly do that, no one who wants to live anyways."

Now it's his turn to tease, and he takes the letter from you, tearing it up

"Though since you seem so keen on fame why don't you join me on my radio show?"

| ADAM |

Jealous all the time

Doesn't bring it up because he wants you to believe he's confident but bro he's dying inside

The only time he ever, ever directly told you he was jealous or uncomfortable was in his early days in his band, back when he was newbie to the group and was working to gain his name in the industry

It was just after the show and the lot of you were hanging back stage, signing shirts and breasts and having a few drinks

You were talking about something inconsequential when a fan came up and started talking to him, you took your cue and peeled off to get a beer for the both of you

That fan came and went, and another, and another and he thought first you stopped to use the restroom, i mean hell he kinda needed to piss too

When he caught a break between fans he headed to the restrooms, now worried you didn't have toilet paper or accidentally locked yourself in (not speaking from personal experience at all, he doesn't want to talk about it)

Instead he found you backed up by some sound tech guy

"I uh- I should really get going, my boyfriend, uh is my ride and I gotta get home-"

"Why going so soon? I saw you behind stage waiting for him, I gotta say cutie, your worth far more than that ass."

"Haha, yeah, he's definitely an ass but he's my ass, yknow?"

Something about your nervous laughter burned that jealousy straight to anger

"Yeah, speaking off assholes."

He practically tossed the guy off of you

"Take a hint."

He was angry for the rest of the day, not at you, not ever at you, but damn, he needed to blow some steam off, mostly by angry ranting to you in your apartment

"What was that guy's fucking problem!?"

"That guys NEVER going to be on set again, fuck what if it was someone else who didn't have someone looking out for them yeah?"

[heartlilith]

Astrology Observations (part 3)

Here are some of my observations and opinions on various placements - Part 3

🖤The Sun in a Solar Return Chart will show you what you focus on the most that year:

🐸 Sun in the 1st house: The focus will be on yourself, your image, your appearance and the way you approach life. You might start working out and becoming more fit, you might experience something that changes the way you look at life, you could change your appearance in some way; getting tattoos or changing your hairstyle. You might focus on putting yourself first and taking care of your own needs.

🐸Sun in the 5th house: The focus will be on romance, creativity, the inner child, and joy. You might prioritize having fun over working or things just seem to work out that way. You might pick up a new creative hobby; painting, writing, creating. You might find that you're around children more often than in past years. You might find that you're content and happy most of the time. You might focus on dating and meeting potential partners or maybe you don't focus on that, but it happens anyway.

🐸Sun in the 10th house: The focus for this year will be on working, your reputation and public image, your father, and fame. You might find that most of your energy is going into building a career or advancing in an existing one. You might receive a lot of attention in the work place (good or bad depending on aspects). You might have a good relationship with bosses and coworkers (again, aspects). You might have a change in relationship with your father, or this relationship becomes prominent in some way. You might get famous on tiktok!

(Should I do separate post on this?)

🖤Moon aspects can reflect what your relationship was like with your mother and how it affects your emotions.

🐸Moon square/opposition Saturn: This aspect makes you prematurely self sufficient. Maybe you couldn't count on your mother for emotional support or maybe she was ill or dealing with things that kept her from being an emotional support system. This aspect would in turn make you hesitant to voice your emotions, it can make you feel uncomfortable with vulnerability or make you side eye someone that puts on a grand display of emotions.

🐸Moon trine/sextile Saturn: This aspect could mean you have a close and strong bond with your mother. Your mother could've demonstrated how to be nurturing without smothering. This could impact your emotions by making you value family and morals. You feel a responsibility toward your loved ones and are a "rock" to them so to speak. For men, you respect women and their struggles. You might believe in traditional gender roles but nonetheless you are respectful.

🐸Moon conjunction Saturn: This aspect could signify that the father (Saturn) was absent in some way which put a lot of stress on the mother. You may have been a burden to her in some way or felt like it. Emotionally, you probably felt like you didn't get enough love or attention. This could impact your emotions by being very observant to what other people need. If your friend is outside shivering without a jacket, you would give them yours without any exchange of words. You're giving them what you lacked; love and attention. You may not trust people easily and you may miss out on opportunities because of your fear of rejection. After your Saturn Return, things can ease up with this aspect.

🖤Neptune in the 11th house natives can have friends that peer pressure them into drinking/doing drugs. Neptune rules things that put you under the influence whether that's anesthesia or other drugs like alcohol, weed, etc.

🖤Moon-Neptune hard aspects can use drugs and become addicts in order to cope with emotions. It can also manifest as being an escapist or being completely avoidant when it comes to emotions. This aspect can be seen in children who run away from home a lot.

🖤Mars - Neptune hard aspects can make you easily deceived regarding sex. Partners can "get you drunk" in order to have sex with you.

🖤Venus - Neptune hard aspects can put up with a lot of shit in relationships that other people might not. People cross your boundaries a lot because they know they can get away with it.

🖤Jupiter is known for being lucky and expansive but it can also go the other way as well. For instance, having Jupiter in the 6th house can make you extremely healthy or extremely sickly, depending on the aspects.

🖤Gemini placements might like the thought of doing something rather than actually doing it. I saw a post that said Gemini placements always carry around notebooks but have they ever filled one? That's what I thought.

🖤Air signs, especially Gemini and Aquarius, are naturally able to think outside the box. For instance, a person may think they only have 2 options and air signs name 5 more options you didn't even think of.

🖤Aries fashion sense is underrated, whether its the sun or rising sign.

🖤New York City being established on January 1st, 1898 .... do you know what sign that makes it ..... it's not a Pisces or a Taurus I'll tell you that. Astrology is real.

🖤Libra Suns and Rising women makes me think of fluffy clothes. Like teddy sweaters and those sandals with the fluff on them (examples x x x)

🖤Leo placements want to be where the sun is, do not take them on a cruise to the Arctic please ... I really wish someone told my boyfriend this

PART 1 - PART 2

[6ix9inewiturmom]

Show And Tell- Matthew Sturniolo

Summary: When matt takes your virginity and shows you how to make yourself feel better about not being so experienced in the sex world

Warnings: Smut, Inexperienced!sub!reader, Experienced!Dom!Matt, praising, cursing, use of Y/N, Oral (fem receiving), P in V, Unprotected sex (Safe sex is great sex, cause you don’t want that late text that I think I'm late text- Lil Wayne), TW! brief talk of emotionally absent parents!

A/N: i absolutely love writing sweet Matt, but what i love writing more is MATT THE MF MUNCHHHH!!

psa: DONT STEAL MY WORK!! THIS BELONGS TO ME MYSELF AND I!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Ever since Middle school Nick, Matt, Chris, and I have been inevitable. Their mother, Mary Lou, has always taken me in as her own, considering I was the youngest out of 5 in my family, and my parents had me later in life, as soon as I learned how to care for myself, they quit raising me and only came through in times they ‘needed’ to be parents. Mary Lou was the woman I called my mother. whenever they went on a family vacation I always went with them. To the mall? I went. She basically had Quadruplets. When the triplets moved to LA, we were all over 18, and I was more than ready to leave my parent's house even though I had pretty much moved in with them for how much I stayed over, so I moved with them. I offered to get an apartment close by, but all of them collectively agreed and even argued with me about it, so now we all live in the same house.

Today was pretty much a normal day in the house, very calm, no one was filming, and we just did our own things. Matt and I had no plans, Chris went out shopping with some friends, and Nick had meetings and then dinner plans with Tara for a collab idea which left Matt and I at the house.

“Cant believe that you and my mother BOTH collectively agreed to let me walk out of the house looking like that” Matt said laughing showing me a memory that popped up on his moms Facebook page.

“To be fair you were dead set on wearing that entire outfit and your mom and I both knew we couldn't talk you out of that” I said laughing back and throwing my hands up in defense.

“That's when I dated Cassie too, how gross,” he said giving himself the Ick.

“She was the town whore, what'd you expect,” I say giggling at my comment.

“You know I never asked, whatever happened to Jackson? I just recalled he spread some rumor about him taking your virginity, and a bunch of other stuff, and you came to the house crying and Mom was comforting you and you never spoke about that again” he looks over at me as my head hung low looking at my hands.

Jackson was a guy I ‘dated’ junior year of high school, he took me on one date, it was very nice and he seemed amazing, though I should've listened to Nick when he told me Jackson was no good. After our date instead of taking me home he insisted on talking more and drove to the park in the middle of the city. His intentions were not pure. Jackson tried every which way to get me in the backseat, I rejected many many times that night and made some excuse on how I was on my period and that immediately grossed him out. Come to find out, as soon as we got back to school he spread a rumor around the entire school that he had taken my virginity and told the school I was into weird kinks. I knew I couldn't go to my mother about that because she would have taken me directly to the health clinic to ‘check if I was still pure’ so I went to Mary Lou, i and made sure to tell her to tell the boys not to bring it up to me and try their best to shut it down.

“I uh thought i told you about what happened?” i lied and nervously laughed.

“Nope,” he said popping the ‘p’ “I'm pretty sure I would have remembered something that important to where my own mother had to come to me, Nick, and Chris, and tell us not to talk to you about it, plus I mean it's been 4 years if you don't wanna talk about it I understand,” he said reassuring me.

I've always felt comfortable with all 3 of them, and always had a special relationship with all of them, and trust them with my life. I never went to them about this because I was embarrassed I was a virgin, I wasn't gonna tell them I didn't lose my virginity, considering both Matt and Chris came to me about sex advice I didn't want them to look at me any different for not being experienced enough so I lied and told them that Jackson did take my virginity but I wasn't into the weirder stuff Jackson accused me of.

“Fuck” I mutter under my breath. “Okay so, I just wanna say one thing before I tell you what actually happened between Jackson and me” I look back at him with nerve piercing through my body.

“Y/N, you know you can tell me anything” Matt adjusts himself to face me.

“So don't judge me,” I start taking a deep breath. “So Jackson made up that entire rumor,” I take my bottom lip between my teeth.

“I’m extremely confused” he scratched the back of his head laughing.

“God this is embarrassing” I place my head in my hands “fuck it, so he didn't take my virginity at all, and obviously the kink thing was a lie” I look up at him who still has a puzzled look on his face.

“So if Jackson didn't take your virginity then who did? Cause you basically swore off dating after him” he raises his eye brows in confusion.

“No one, Matt, I'm a uh Virgin” I drop my head down in embarrassment fiddling with my fingers.

“No fucking way, you gave both Chris and me AMAZING sex advice, stop fucking with me Y/N/N” he said laughing.

“Matt I'm being for real,” I shoot him an awkward smile “and please the sex advice ain't nothing, I know what I would like so I kinda made an assumption and by the looks of it, I'm guessing it worked” I nervously laughed.

“Holy shit,” his eyes go wide “why haven't you, you know?”

“It's hard for me to trust people, especially with something like that,” I shrugged my shoulders “When I hit puberty, my mother gave me a ‘save yourself till marriage’ talk instead of informing me of my body she scared me from sex, but I had gone to your mom one day when you three were hanging with Nate and she actually gave me that kinda talk and more or less told me to always make sure I felt safe and in the hands of someone I trust, and Jackson did neither of those things” I continue to fiddle with my fingers.

“You trust me right?” he says curiously

“Matt don't be stupid, yes I do” I lightly giggle. “Why is that even a question?”

“ah fuck it, never mind” he brushes it off.

“No, no, I told you something that no one knows so come on speak up,” I lightly push his arm.

“I was gonna say I could teach you a couple things about sex but i ain't too sure you'd be down for that anyway” he shrugged his shoulders turning his body back towards the TV.

“What if I was down?” I look at him through my lashes.

His head jerks in my direction, “actually?” his eyes light up.

“Matt do you know how embarrassing it is to be an almost 21-year-old who's never had sex,” a soft giggle escaped my lips.

“Have you ever like, touched yourself before?” he said slightly cringing at his words.

I was a little taken aback by his curiosity “I mean yeah, once or twice” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Did you like ever finish from that?” he shifts his body back in my direction. “I know this sounds a bit invasive but I promise if you want to do this I have a reason for asking these questions” he placed his hand on my knee.

“No… it just um” I swallow the lump in my throat “I just couldn't..”

“So you've never experienced anything sexual?” the curiosity in his voice makes me feel safer and know he's not judging me and is actually caring enough to ask and not just crawling on top of me and getting down to it.

“Nope,” I say softly

He slowly nods “Do you want to learn?” his voice goes soft.

“H-how?” I stutter out.

“Obviously if you feel comfortable enough with it, I could be the one to show you, If you catch my drift” he sends me a reassuring smile.

“Y-you would take my virginity?” I ask nervously.

“Only if you want me to” his voice trails off

“What about Nick and Chris? God that would be awkward if they walked in or something, oh my god I don't want them to think any-” he cuts me off

“Woah slow down, it's okay, they won't be back till like 9, and it's 4 now, we'll be okay kid” he laughed rubbing soft circles with his thumb over my knee. “Do you want to do this?”

I nod softly. “No this is important to you, I want your verbal consent that this is okay” he moves closer to me.

“Yes, please, I want this, all of this,” I say softly adjusting my body closer to his.

He smiles leaning closer to my face and softly pressing his lips against mine. My eyes fall shut and I turn into jello as I feel the way his hand that was once on my knee moves up toward my hip. A small smile creeps upon both of our lips. I softly pull away.

“Can we not do this on the couch?” I say laughing a little

“Absolutely,” he stands up almost immediately and picks me up bridal style walking into his room and kicking the door open as I giggle like a kid in a candy store.

He carefully sets me down on his blue silk sheets crawls on top of me and presses his lips onto mine once again making a soft groan travel between our lips.

“Can I take this off?” he says softly playing with the hem of my shirt.

“Yes” I bite my bottom lip

He smiles down at me and pulls my shirt off leaving me in my bra. He hooks his finger under my bra strap rubbing his finger up and down just looking down at me. “You're so beautiful. I don't ever tell you much” his comment makes a soft pink shade appear on my cheeks.

He leans down again kissing me and pointing his tongue out for permission to enter, my mouth opens slightly as his tongue explores my mouth, and this time his hands start to grab at my covered breast. “You can take it off, Matt” I giggle between kisses.

He gave me no response but his left hand held my lower back and his right unclasped my bra letting it fall right off my shoulders. He pulled away from kissing me and looked down at my breast in awe. “God you're Fucking beautiful” he mutters.

His mouth begins leaving kisses down from my jawline to my collarbone and stopping at my breast looking up at me through his lashes almost asking for permission without asking. I shoot him a smile and nod and his tongue licks softly across my nipple sending shivers down my spine. He smirks to himself attaching his mouth to one of my nipples and slightly tugging at my other. He sucks and nips at my nipples taking them between his teeth every now and again. My breathing gets heavier at the sensitivity and my head falls back as a soft whimper falls from my mouth.

He lifts his head up and places himself between my legs to unbuckle my shorts, shimmy them down my legs, and throws them with the pile of clothes next to the bed. He admires my choice of underwear today, smirking as they're unironically his favorite color, purple, with a tiny little bow right up top. He hooks his finger at the top of them sliding back and forth before sliding them down my legs leaving me bare beneath him.

“such a pretty fucking pussy” he groans out. he leans his head down and spits down onto my aching pussy. using his thumb he slowly moves up and down.

“Holy fuck” I gasp out.

Matt chuckles and moves his body down where his head is now between my legs. His thumb is still slowly going up and down he begins kissing down my thighs on both sides. “I want you” he places another kiss on my thigh “to tell me” Another kiss “What feels good to you alright?” he places a kiss right above my clit.

“O-okay” I say nervously

“And please don't be afraid to tell me to stop” he gives me a reassuring smile.

I nod sending him the same warm smile. He starts to place a soft kiss on my clit before flattening his tongue on my pussy and licking a stripe up and groaning once the taste of me hits his tongue.

“Oh, Matt” My breathing hitches and I throw my head back in pleasure.

His tongue begins to flick up at a faster pace making moans spill out of my mouth, his eyes are fixated on me and how my body reacts to his mouth pleasuring me.

“Fuck you're so fucking good at this” My fingers run through his hair forcing his head deeper into me.

He moans into me sending vibrations through my body as my hips jerk up and my eyes roll back. His lips attach to my clit sucking on it a little causing a squeal to fall from my mouth.

“Fuck i-i I think I'm gonna cum” I stutter out as an unfamiliar knot forms in the pit of my stomach

“Mhm” he mutters before lifting his head “Let it go sweet girl” he lowers his head again taking my clit between his teeth and flicking upwards on it.

“Oh my FUCK” I scream out when that knot snapped a wave of euphoria pierced my body and my orgasm dripped out of me making Matt move his body to watch it happen.

He wiped his mouth using his arm smiling “you okay baby?” he chuckled.

“Fuck” I breathe out “If that's why people are sex addicts I see why god damn that was amazing” I smiled up at him.

“I'm not even done yet” he smirks lifting his shirt over his head and throwing it across the room.

“Are you 100% positive you want this?” he asks as he stands up removing his belt.

“This is the first decision I've ever made that I'm 100% positive I won't regret,” I say as I watch him remove his pants and free his cock with his tip red and throbbing for attention.

He climbs back and moves me farther up on the bed. “Fuck there's no way that's gonna fit in me, that's fucking massive,” I say as my eyes stare at his cock.

“It'll fit baby” he chuckles “shit I don't have a condom,” he says rummaging through his bedside table.

“I'm on birth control, you don't need one” I smile up at him.

“Are you sure?” he smirks.

“Yes Matt,” I smile batting my lashes up at him.

“Okay then” he brings his hand up to his mouth and spits in it before gliding his now wet hand to coat his aching cock. “I gonna go slow, inch by inch and you tell me when to move, and tell me if it hurts too much I'll stop immediately,” he says aligning his cock with my entrance.

“Okay,” I breathe out.

As his tip slowly enters me I hiss. “Are you okay?” he says with a concerned look on his face.

“I'm okay just hurts” I reply biting my lower lip.

He slowly enters another couple of inches. Watching how my face nuzzled up at the new feeling. Then he slides in another few inches. After a couple of minutes, he's fully bottomed out. “Look at that, you're doing so fucking amazing,” he says adjusting himself closer to my face and brushing loose strands out of my face.

“Y-you can move,” I say nodding slowly.

He smiles before slowly thrusting out and moving towards my hips as the pain I once felt turns into pleasure in a matter of seconds.

“Oh, matt fuck faster please” I plead gripping his biceps for support.

“God you're so fucking tight” his pace speeds up as he lowers his body and begins kissing my neck and groaning into me.

“S-so fucking big” I moan out.

He rolls his hips towards mine and slams them into me. His grunts become harsher. “Fuck” he growled in my ear. “I love the way you feel wrapped around me” he moans in my ear which is almost a whimper.

“Matt” I scream out as his cock finally and repeatedly kisses my G-spot.

“Someone close eh?” he lifts up sadistically grinning at me.

I nod vigorously as my legs begin twitching and shaking around his waist and that knot forms in my stomach for the second time tonight.

“Cum all over my fucking dick baby, I know you can do it,” he said as his thrusts become sloppy.

With just his words that knot snapped in my stomach and formed a white ring around the base of his cock as my cum coats his cock. With a couple more thrusts he nuzzles his head in my neck and paints my walls a shade of white. He slowly pulls out careful not to hurt me.

“Fuck you're amazing” I breath out coming down from my euphoric state.

“Yeah? You did fucking amazing,” he smiles down at me laying next to me and pulling me into a cuddled skin-to-skin hug.

“Thank you matt” I mutter into his chest.

“No problem sweetheart” he kissed the top of my head. “You know I'd do anything for you” he softly whispers making me smile and nuzzle into him more.

“Do you want me to run you a nice bath? Or you wanna go get food? What do you wanna do, cause we got about 2 hours till Nick and Chris come home” he pulls away looking at me.

“We can shower and I can cook for us” I smile at him.

“Perfect” he smiles at me and picks me up bridal style again to carry me to the bathroom.

The way he cared for me, I knew I made the right decision. Losing my virginity to the man I knew I could trust.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: TY TO THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED THIS!! BECAUSE THIS WAS VERY FUN TO WRITE!! anyways i hope you guys are having an amazing evening, afternoon, morning, or night!! and i love you guys!! 🩷🩷

[winniewritesstories]

Being his sister | Soldier Boy (Ben)

gif via @zacksnydered

Some thoughts on what it'd be like as Ben's younger sister...

I imagine you being a half sister, his father remarrying after his mother died

probably a big age gap (maybe like 12 years)

at first I feel like he'd not be interested or really care

but when you're like 3 you start following him around everywhere and trying to be friends with him and he thinks it's just adorable

you're the only person allowed to call him Benny

he writes letters to you when he's at boarding school

your father is very emotionally absent so Ben steps up and looks out for you

everyone in like a fifty mile radius knows not to mess with you

imagine some kids being mean to you and 16 year old Ben threatening to beat up a group of like 4 year old girls

he teaches you to dance, first by letting you stand on his feet (when you're really little), then actually teaching you, showing you the steps and spinning you round till you get dizzy

taking you to dance halls & things, all the other girls being really jealous because he doesn't dance with anyone except his baby sister!!

you try to be just like your big brother, which annoys your mother & father because it's 'unladylike'

begging him not to go to war

making him pinky promise to come back to you

when you see him after he's had the Compound V (I imagine he'd be beefed up and look a little different) and he acts all tough and manly but when you're alone he's just your big brother again, just like you remember him

asking Ben if you can get Compound V too so you can be strong like him (he says no, obviously)

always talking about your big brother the superhero, cheering for him at parades and going to his movie premiers

I imagine if you did somehow get Compound V (by going behind his back), he'd be super pissed off at first, but then he'd eventually come around (because he can never stay mad at you)

I feel like you'd work more in aid and relief than fighting and stuff like Ben does (depending on what powers the V gives you), much to his relief

you & Ben doing a superhero sibling movie & being silly on set

you disliking Countess because you think she's just using him for fame & to advance her position in Payback

you're not in Nicaragua when he 'dies' & you don't even hear it from Vought but literally on the radio

you almost tearing Vought tower down trying to get answers or find him

stealing a jet or something to go to Nicaragua to find him (or at least his body)

giving him a headstone back in Philadelphia next to his mother (even though there's no body), and having it just be about Ben (not mentioning Soldier Boy), reading something like 'Beloved brother and son'

quitting Vought soon after because you feel betrayed and you're also suspicious of them

feeling totally lost with him

Butcher & Hughie finding you and asking questions about him & his death

not being in Russia when the Boys find him, but going to Legend's later on & reuniting him

he immediately becomes Big Brother Ben again & is super soft for the first time in literally decades, scooping you up in a massive hug

Butcher and Hughie being super confused by his sudden change in manner

going with him to find Payback & kill them for betraying him

screaming and fighting Butcher & the Boys when they gas Ben at the Tower

thinking he's dead (again) & not knowing he's in Vought's basement thing 

I might end up updating this when season 5 and/or Vought Rising comes out...

Note - there is very little information about SB's background in either the comics or the show, so I've taken a lot of creative liberty with this! I also used a gif from Jackles movie Devour as he's younger here :) and adorable

star divider from @cafekitsune (thank u lovely!)

[chubphoe-linkclick]

Hey so S2E9 'Three Stroires' was fucking bonkers

LETS TALK ABOUT IT

The episode is DENSE AS ALL HELL with things to talk about, the three main things being

The titles

The art style and style of storytelling

The dialogue (or lack thereof)

Lets speedrun some analysis notes of our three favourite members of the worst found family ever!!

Storytelling Styles

All three stories are emotionally driven and told in dramatic styles without realism, though all for differing reasons.

QJ mimics the over-the-top Shakespearean reminiscent of his wife, believing himself to be the main character of a tragedy. Though this style of story telling is obviously campy and corny, it's also presented in a way where it's not immediately clear to the viewers that this isn't actually real -- it's a fabrication of the canon within the canon as a reflection of QJ's delusions.

LTC mimics QJ, however, his disposition leads to him seeing everything as a Greek Comedy as opposed to perma-victim QJ's Greek Tragedy. It also reflects LTC ultimately leaning into and revelling in killing other people as part of his hunter ethos and evolution. LTC's style does not need to be realistic because LTC isn't looking for meaning in his story, but for an experience that's enjoyable and satisfying.

QJ and LTC's style complement each other with both being able to come together to tell a more cohesive narrative overall, although each does so by focusing on themselves more than anyone else.

LTX is a silent cartoon telling of her life story, quite literally the story that's gone untold, bar the words of the gossiping crows (people with frivolous and passing interest in her life writing their own stories about the events she goes through). Her story telling style is a reflection of her mindset and being trapped cognitively as a child for all time, and is further indication that her personhood wasn't allowed to independently grow since becoming an orphan.

LTX's story is outside of QJ and LTC's narrative because she cannot speak, and thus her story does not matter. No dramatisation of reality to paint a certain picture is needed, nor is her story seen or understood in either of theirs. Her story is insular and disconnected from theirs because her personhood is disconnected from theirs.

LTX's story is told through the lens of LTC and LX's worldview: that the world is made up of beasts and hunters. There is only ever one human character (likely LX himself rather than QJ, based on how visually loyal everyone else's designs are) while LTX watches LTC straddle the line between animal (his nature) and human (his will).

Story Titles

QJ's part being called the "Inevitable Tragedy" is a reference to how he is the creator of his own misfortune as it was never based in reality but his own unchecked paranoia.

LTC's part is called the Fortuitous Comedy is because it was fortuitous for QJ to find out about the twins' powers before anyone else via Tianchen's confession and subsequent laughter. It could also be due to LTC reaching his perceived hunter-status by the fortuitous case of Deng being Liu Min's first requested kill (for the same reason LTC hates Deng, no less).

LTX's title being the "Sibling's Fairy Tale" is rather self explanatory, much like the character herself if you took the damn time to talk to her. It's childish, stuck in the past (trauma), focused on her brother and the other light of her life: their late-mother. Another piece of insight that I remembered hearing is that fairy tales don't always have happy endings, but they always have a moral to learn from. In this sense, Xixi's story is thematically the most important because no character has put that moral into practice (confronting the worst aspects of those you love, refusing to look away from the secrets they hide while you stay in a peaceful dream with their softness).

Additional Notes

QJ caring for the twins in Part II is a reflection of LTC being gaslit about reality (reinforced by QJ's fatherly love being absent in LTX's story), as well as a reflection of his sense of self and human autonomy only beginning and flourishing due to the circumstances QJ provided

LTX's story suggests that most of the time she spends with LTC involves her napping in some form, or that most of her time in general was slept away as if she was trapped in some strange dream.

The only betrayal even hinted at is LTC's betrayal of LTX's morality, a twist that literally shatters LTX's childlike world and forces her hurdling into reality. This is the only betrayal because the twins are the only two who have trust in one another among the three.

Someone else made a point about how even when the foxboy picks up the bow and arrow, he remains a fox. In LTX's eyes, her brother can act as a hunter but he's still a beast and that's not a bad thing.

The fact that most people are 'beasts' and there's only one human in all of LTX's worldview really is some solid symbolism and messaging, especially considering LTX is socially classified as an undesirable a la her disabilities. It's peak reclamation and pride in Oneself.

[faithisyours]

Something to Tell

Azriel x Ace Fem!reader

Summary: You and Azriel are recently mated. You decide to take things slow, but you have something personal to tell Az.

Warnings: coming out, fluff

Word Count: 965

A/N: Sup y’all. Sorry I’ve been absent, a lot of shit happened. Anyways, I really just wrote this one for me. I think the topic of asexuality is really left out of this book series and fandom, understandably so, but I think it would be an interesting subject to discuss, so I’m here to fulfill my own wishes. Given the lore and rules around mates, I don't even know if this could be considered a thing, but I’m gonna try my hardest to make it a thing for my ace baddies out there. IDK if I’m gonna make this a series or not (probably won’t), but maybe see how people like it before making decisions. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to tell me. As always, minors gtfo. Adults, you enjoy!

You’re just finishing up bottling an allergy tonic for your neighbor’s son when the door to your apothecary opens, the bell above ringing out. You know exactly who it is, and you are simultaneously filled with dread and relief. Azriel, your freshly bonded mate, walks into the back room where you are working, his big Illarian boots creaking the floorboards wherever he steps. When you look up to greet him he gives you a soft smile, a smile you return.

You’ve known Azriel for a little over a year now, ever since Mor begged him to come pick up her sleeping tonic from you because she had been busy. But the bond haden’t snapped for either of you until roughly a month ago, when you were out drinking at Rita’s with the inner circle, per Nesta’s invite. Over the years you had grown close with the inner circle, specifically Mor and Nesta. What had started out as small talk when they came to pick up a tonic had blossomed into a beautiful friendship.

But the last thing in the world you had wanted to happen was to form a bond with someone, especially someone as good and sweet and caring as Azriel. Sure, he is beautiful, you of all people can see that, but the physical attraction stops there, like it always does. Emotionally you two are very compatible, sharing similar interests in books, music, and dancing. After the bond had snapped you both decided to take things slowly, moreso for your sake than his. Every day you grow more and more in love with him; you’re just terrified to see the disappointment and confusion in his eyes after you tell him you’re ace.

“Almost ready to go, Love?” Azriel asks, his eyes following the skilled movements of your hands.

“Almost done,” you respond, screwing the cap and writing the label onto the bottle quickly. You buss your wok table, putting away ingredients and empty bottles. You look over everything twice more, checking for anything out of place, but also as a means to stall. You are dreading this conversation.

“Looks good, Love. Want me to grab your coat?” You turn to him, a small smile on your lips, and grab his hand, gently cradling it in yours.

“Actually… Can I talk to you for a minute before we leave? I need to tell you something.”

“Ya, of course,” he squeezes your hand gently, reassuringly. “What’s up?” You take a deep breath and guide him to sit in one of the chairs at your work table, then pull one towards yourself so you're sitting in front of him. You take both his hands in yours. You don’t make eye contact but instead stare at your hands intertwined.

“There’s something I need to tell you about myself and I need you to listen and let me explain before you say anything,” you look up to see him nodding, a look of concern and confusion on his face. The knot in your stomach is twisting. Your anxiety is through the roof, but you take a deep, albeit shaky, breath to steady yourself.

“Okay. I don’t really know how to go about saying this so I’m just gonna say it. I’m asexual, which means I form little to no sexual attraction, in my case none at all, to anyone. Which means the likelihood of me wanting to have sex with you is basically zero. I know it’s kind of a thing for mates to do it all the time, and so I thought since I am the way I am that I would never form a bond with anyone, but I guess I was wrong. And I know you're probably thinking, “well, didn’t the bond snapping make you feel anything like that?” and the answer would be no. Umm…I guess I just want to add and say that I’m not broken, and that life will be a little different with me, and that I know my boundaries, but I’m also willing to try things with you because I love you and trust you… And this doesn’t mean I don't find you attractive, because I do, I think you're really pretty, but it's more in a ‘I want to paint you’ sort of way instead of an ‘I want to fuck you’ sort of way. And I’m rambling so I’m going to stop now.”

Your leg is bouncing up and down, gaze still glued to your entwined hand. A beat of silence passes, and then he squeezes your hands, which in turn makes you look up at him. His eyes are full of understanding and love, emotions you were not expecting to see. You exhale the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, feeling some of your anxiety fade away.

“You think I’m pretty?” he asks, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. You roll your eyes at him, the last of your anxiety washing away. He stands and pulls you up to do the same. He releases one of your hands, using his to brush a rouge strand of hair behind your ear, then pulls you into a tight embrace. You’re taken off guard, but you melt into him, breathing in his crisp, piny scent.

“Thank you for telling me,” he squeezes you tighter. “And I know you said life will be different with you and I want to let you know I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you, and I know we can work through any problems we may face. You are perfect. Cauldron boil me if I ever so much as think to change a single thing about you.”

And with that, he releases you from his embrace, you wipe the few tears that had welled at his words, and you go home.