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wosospacegirl · 3 hours ago

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And they were roommates - part 10

Summary: Y/n gets injured and has to stay in recovery for 8 months. It's a good thing her friend and teammate, Kyra, is more than willing to move in with her. wink wink

Warnings: (+18) SMUT. FINALLY SOME SMUT FOR THOSE TWO!! Plus, of course, Y/n getting her cast off, Kyra coming home, and Y/n finding out about Alessia and Leah.

Word count: 9.2k

Masterlist

You can read part 1 here

“How does it feel?” Mary asked, finishing up the last of the cast removal.

Beth and Lotte sat quietly across from Y/n. Their arms crossed as they watched her carefully from the seats in the rehabilitation room.

Y/n stared down at her leg–the bad one–as she had been calling it since it broke in half almost 3 and a half months ago. The cast had been a part of her for so long, and now, with it gone, the skin underneath it felt different…foreign.

It just didn’t look like she expected. The healing process through those three months hasn’t been easy or gentle; the damage of the injury was left behind, marked on her shin.

The skin on her leg was very dry and red, a mix of scars imprinted on it– some of them from when the injury itself occurred, others from the injury.

“So, sweetheart?” Mary asked again, more gently. This time.

Y/n hesitated, almost reluctant to speak her thoughts. “It looks–” She bit her lower lip. “Ugly.”

The room was silent as the word hung in the air.

“I’m sorry?” Mary asked again, confusion evident on her face.

Lotte and Beth looked at each other, not really sure of what to say.

“I don’t like it,” Y/n said again, more firmly. “I thought… I thought it would look like my other leg.” Her voice cracked slightly, and she hated herself for it. She looked down, avoiding Mary’s gaze.

Mary didn’t say anything, slowly turning to Lotte and Beth, and silently asking for some help. Y/n needed friendly words at the moment, not medical advice.

“I have to go to the infirmary to get some cream for your skin, but I’ll be right back,” Mary said as she headed to the door, leaving the three girls alone.

Lotte, noticing Y/n’s frustration, carefully slid onto the bed next to her, wrapping her arms around Y/n’s shoulder.

“Your leg’s been through a lot, baby,” Lotte said softly. “It broke in half, it tore your skin, your muscles–”

“It was a very traumatic injury to your body,” Beth finished Lotte’s sentence. “Scars are good, it means your body was able to heal properly.”

“You’re gonna get used to it,” Lotte smiled.

Y/n blinked a few times at the two girls, feeling grateful that they were trying to make her feel better, but unfortunately, the overwhelming wave of disappointment and frustration was stronger.

She imagined the day she was going to get her cats off was going to be different.

She thought the skin underneath the cast would be completely healed, but she didn’t expect the stiffness that came when she tried to move her leg; she didn’t expect the big scar that began on her ankle and grew all the way to her knee.

She’d also thought Kyra would be here with her. She’d imagined sharing this milestone with her, Leah and Alessia. Y/n loved Beth and Lotte to pieces, and she appreciated all the things they had done for her, but it still felt like important people were missing from this moment in her life.

Beth, sensing Y/n’s discontented attitude, placed a hand on her thigh and got down on her knees in front of her, looking closer at her leg.

“I get it, she said softly.” She touched the side of Y/n’s knee on two spots, right to the left side of the patella, on the anterior cruciate ligament– ACL. “It’s not easy seeing yourself change like this.”

“But trust me, you aren’t alone–me, Viv, Leah, and Vic, we all went through it,” Beth explained in a tender voice. “The side of our knee is all patched up, the skin around it’s all rough, just like your shin.”

Y/n’s eyes flicked up to Beth, grateful but still feeling the sting of the reality set in. She looked down at her leg, tracing her fingers gently over the scar that ran from her ankle all the way up to her knee.

“Leah got the worst of our scars because her surgery was more complicated and took longer,” Beth noticed the way Y/n’s gaze lingered on the scar, her voice softening as she continued. “But we didn’t have to wear any casts, so we just watched our scar and our legs heal little by little.

“You, on the other hand,” Beth said, gently touching the skin of Y/n’s healed scar. “Had your leg hide from your view, so you didn’t get to see it getting better day by day. You only just took the cats off.”

Lotte, sensing Y/n’s unease, added with a gentle smile, “You’re not used to it yet. It’s a lot all at once. The cast is off, and now you can move more freely, but you’ve got these new scars to accompany you. It’s a lot of change in a short time.”

“I’m scared that–” Y/n had a hard time processing her words. “If the outside looks like that, then maybe I’m not completely healed on the inside too.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, sweetheart,” Mary said while walking into the room.

Y/n squinted her eyes at her, she was a hundred percent sure Mary was listening to their conversation all along.

“Your scar is a bit rough given the nature of your injury, but it doesn’t look swollen or have any indication that you won’t heal properly.” Mary got closer to Y/n, and Beth and Lotte went back to their previous seats.

Mary touched Y/n’s shin, pressing it and lifting it off the ground. “Does it hurt when I do that?”

“No,” Y/n shook her head. “It just feels very stiff, and it's kind of uncomfortable, but it doesn't hurt.”

“Yeah, that’s expected,” Mary said, tapping Y/m’s tights. “You’ll be back on the pitch in no time. Don’t let a little scar get in the middle of that, okay? I’ve treated a lot of athletes with broken bones, and most of them had a really good recovery.”

That gave Y/n a little hope. She smiled at Mary, watching her leg as she slowly moved it. Taking the cast off was one more step into her recovery; it might not be the scenery Y/n expected, but she was grateful for it overall.

Mary went to the cupboard on the other side of the room and came back with a grey shin brace. “You’re free from the cats, but this,” she pointed at the brace. “It’s going to be your new friend.”

Y/n groaned. “Bloody hell, I really thought I was a free woman now.”

Both Leah and Beth laughed at Y/n’s joke, feeling at ease that the girl didn’t seem so sad now.

“You can take it off to shower and bathe only, ok?” Mary got on her knees and put the shin brace on Y/n. “It is way more flexible and light than the cast, so you can move around and walk with your crutch all you want.”

“But I can’t have you bending your knee or putting pressure on it, alright?” Mary thighed the shin brace around Y/n’s leg, making sure it wouldn’t be loose. “And, for the love of God, don’t walk on your own, we’re keeping your crutches for a reason.”

“Do I have to wear both crutches, though?” Y/n asked. “And can I stand on my own? Or do I have to use my crutches for that too? I just–I really miss cooking,” she confessed, a slight blush on her cheeks.

“You can just wear one,” Mary said, getting up and taking a final look at Y/n. “You can stand, just try not to be up for long periods of time, we don’t want too much pressure on your leg just yet.”

“Alright,” Y/n said, looking down at her leg, now with the shin brace on, she moved it side to side, tasting the water. “Yeah, it's way better than the cast.”

Mary gave her the last bits of instructions and medical advice before telling her to come back the next day for her first session of physiotherapy without the cast.

Beth was a sweetheart as always and dropped Y/n off at her place. Y/n promised to bake a cake for her as a ‘thank you’.

Y/n waved at Mrs Petunia from her front door before heading inside her house, Footy was meowing exasperatedly as soon as he heard Y/n’s keychain.

Y/n couldn't pet him down because of the crutches, but made sure to fill his bowl with food before laying her down on the sofa and stretching her leg into a pillow.

She took her phone and quickly zoomed in on Footy before taking the picture and sending it to Kyra. ‘Son if fed’ she wrote. Kyra wouldn't reply to her until later, because, if Y/n remembered her schedule correctly, she was in a tactical meeting with her manager.

Y/n looked around the room, thinking of what she should do next. Watching TV? Too boring; reading a book? She already read all the ones she had in the house; cooking? Hmm, maybe later.

She watched her leg, moving it to the side again, making sure she still had the ability. Y/n wanted to share this moment with Kyra, but she also wanted it to be a surprise for her when she came back. Y/n still needed to tell someone about it, though… who was the chosen one?

Leah.

Y/n looked at the clock. Leah was definitely out of training by now, most likely in her room getting ready for bed–that meant playing Sudoku.

She clicked on the FaceTime app before and stared at her face, waiting for Leah to pick up. In less than a few seconds, Leah1s face was on the screen, but she looked…anxious?

“What happened?” Leah asked, Y/n could barely see her face or where she was, the lighting was horrible, and Leah was holding the camera weirdly close to her face; Y/n couldn’t see the background. “Why are you calling?”

Okay, that was too harsh even for Leah. Something was going on.

"Uh... hi to you too," Y/n muttered. "Are you busy or something?"

"No," Leah said quickly–too quickly. "Just... What's going on? Why are you calling?"

"Wow, okay." Y/n huffed. "Nice to know you care."

Leah sighed heavily. "I'm just–” she cut herself off, glancing to the side for a second before snapping her eyes back to the screen. "–sorry, never mind. What's up?"

"I got my cast off today." Y/n frowned and said hesitantly.

"That's good," Leah said, her voice clipped.

"Yeah," Y/n agreed, feeling a little deflated. "It... doesn’t look great, though."

"What do you mean?" Leah asked, still sounding rushed.

"It’s all red and stiff, and the scar is huge. I don’t know, I just thought it would look... better." Y/n paused, noticing Leah glance to the side again. "Hm, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I’m listening," Leah snapped, her frustration bubbling over. "I just–look, your leg is fine. That’s what happens when you get injured. It’s not gonna look pretty, but you’ll be back on the pitch soon enough."

"Yeah, thanks for the heartfelt support," Y/n shot back, sarcasm heavy in her voice. "I knew I could count on you for comfort."

"I’m just being realistic," Leah said sharply. Her eyes flicked away from the screen again, and Y/n caught the shadow of movement behind her.

"Okay, what’s going on?" Y/n asked suspiciously. "You’re acting weird."

"I’m not acting weird."

"You’re literally refusing to look at me and snapping like I just insulted your mum, or something.” Y/n shot back. “You can talk to me, you know?”

"I’m just– " Leah cut herself off with an irritated groan. "Look, I'm sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to be short with you. I'm just... distracted."

"Distracted by what?" Y/n pressed.

Leah’s eyes flicked sideways again. "Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar," Y/n muttered.

"I am not!" Leah protested, her face reddening.

"You are," Y/n said smugly. "And whatever’s going on over there–it’s weird."

"It's not weird," Leah insisted.

"You're holding your phone like it's a security camera, Leah. I can’t even see half your face, mate,” Y/n said. “Look, I can call later if you want? Or maybe tomorrow?”

Just then, Y/n caught a muffled voice from behind Leah’s screen– “Tell her I have the perfect cream for the scar, baby, it’ll work wonders…”

Leah stiffened, her eyes flicking nervously to the side.

"Oh fuck…" Leah turned the camera to the side quickly, just as Y/n leaned in closer to the screen, her brow furrowed in complete confusion.

"Wait a second," Y/n said, squinting. "Is that... Alessia?"

Leah's gaze darted to the side again, her face turning an unattractive shade of pink. "What? No! You didn’t hear anything." Her voice was quick and defensive.

"Oh, I definitely heard Lessie," Y/n said, crossing her arms. "She even mentioned my scar, which–" Y/n paused, her eyes narrowing.

"–wait a minute. I did see that story Alessia posted the other day,” Y/n said, mouth open as she had an eureka moment.

“I thought you guys were on a date, but then I thought I was going crazy because…how the hell would you two be dating?” Y/n continued, everything finally making sense in her head: The story, Leah’s weird attitude, the way Less and Leah were always together and bickering like an old couple.

Leah’s eyes widened, and she quickly cleared her throat, her voice low.

"You’re imagining things, Y/n. It’s just—" She cut herself off, her frustration bubbling over, and then, she gave up, one hand coming to hold the bridge of her nose as the other one held her phone.

"I didn’t want to tell you yet, alright?” Leah continued, cranky. “Happy now?"

Y/n raised an eyebrow, her grin widening. "So you are dating." She leaned closer to the screen, amusement in her eyes. "And you're being all weird about it because Alessia’s there…look at you, Williamson, all cute and nervous.”

Leah’s face turned an even deeper shade of red, and she bit her lip, eyes flicking away, clearly embarrassed. "It’s... not what you think," she mumbled, looking guilty.

“I think it’s exactly what I think, actually.” Y/n leaned back into the sofa, grinning now that she was fully enjoying the moment.

Leah didn’t say anything, but Y/n could see her jaw tighten, like she was already regretting answering the call.

“Don’t worry, I totally get it,” Y/n continued, tapping a thoughtful finger against her chin. “If Kyra and I were on the same national team, we’d definitely be roomies. One hundred percent. No doubt.”

“In fact,” she added, voice dripping with faux innocence, “I’m just waiting until I get better so we can have a proper sleepover—me, Kyra, you, and Less! Oh, it’ll be adorable.”

Leah rolled her eyes, but Y/n wasn’t done.

“Shut up,” Leah grumbled, but instead of arguing, she tilted the camera away from her face…revealing Alessia sitting beside her.

Alessia, who was already smiling.

Leah, who had an arm casually slung around her.

“Oh, that’s so cute!” Y/n beamed, waving at the screen. “Hi, Lessie!”

Alessia laughed, leaning into Leah like this whole thing was hilarious. “Hey, Y/n,” she said brightly.

Leah huffed, clearly defeated, as Y/n grinned at them both.

Oh yeah. This was definitely exactly what she thought.

Y/n saw the screen shaking before, only Alessia's face was on the screen, the happiness on her face a clear contrast to Leah’s crumpy one. “I heard you got your cast taken off! I’m so happy for you!”

“Yeah, baby. Thank you,” Y/n said, picking up a pillow that had fallen on the floor and putting it behind her back. “I’m just with a shin brace now, but it’s way better than the cast.”

"You’re already looking way better! The brace is nothing compared to that cast. You’re gonna be back on the pitch in no time, baby,” Alessia smiled.

“Yeah, Mary told me–”

Alessia’s face was replaced by Leah, who had a clear frown on her face.

“Give me Lessie back,” Y/n said flatly. “Don't want you.”

Leah rolled her eyes. “You literally called me to talk about the cast removal.”

“And now I know to never call again!” Y/n shot back, half-teasing. “You’re grumpy, I’m not even as cranky as you are. Don’t know how you pulled such a sweetheart like Alessia.

“The same way you, the disciplined one, pulled the prankster of the team,” Leah smirked.

Y/n grinned, resting her head on the pillow, eyes glinting with mischief. "I guess we all have our types."

“But seriously,” Leah said, her tone softening. “I’m very happy that you got that thing taken off. Just a few more months until we have you running again.”

Y/n nodded, a playful glint in her eyes. “Yeah, enjoy while you can. When I get back, you won’t be the fastest on the team anymore.”

Leah chuckled. “Oh, we’ll see about that.”

When Y/n woke up on the last day, she followed her routine, but this time, she realised her life from now on was going to be way easier because as soon as she stepped on the floor, she didn’t have to carry the weight of the cast all the way to the bathroom.

Instead, she grabbed her crutches, moving slowly but much faster than when she had been in the cast.

As she stepped into the shower, she took off her shin brace with a sigh of relief. No more fussing with that annoying plastic wrap to keep the cast dry!

If yesterday she had been disappointed by how her leg looked, today she felt like kissing her calf for how much better–and easy–it was to do life without the cast.

For the first time in weeks, Y/n was actually able to cook herself a full recipe–she chose pancakes! It wasn’t as difficult as before; she could easily balance herself while flipping the batter, feeling happy by the accomplishment.

She had to hide all of her excitement from Kyra- she still didn’t want the girl to know about it– when she facetimed her hours later.

“You look weird…” Kyra said, squinting her eyes and getting comically close to the camera. “What's wrong? Did something happen to Footy?”

Y/n rolled her eyes and turned the camera to the little black cat who was still sleeping curled on the loveseat by the window. “He’s fine, come on!”

“Then what is it?” Kyra pressed, raising an eyebrow as she brought a mug to her lips, drinking what Y/n thought to be coffee.

“Nothing!” Y/n said defensively, “What makes you think there’s something wrong?”

Kyra narrowed her eyes, clearly not buying it. “I don't know, you just keep… showing your teeth for no reason–”

“That's called a smile, bro,” Y/n shot back, looking at Kyra emotionless.

“Yeah, but you never smiled this casually.” Kyra tilted her head, clearly intrigued.

“I’m just happy!”

Kyra’s gaze softened, but did not lose its suspicion. “Yeah…why?”

Y/n hesitated for a second before shrugging. “Can’t I just be happy?”

“Not when you’re hiding something,” Kyra leaned back into her chair, folding her arms. “Which you clearly are.”

“Ky! Please,” Y/n said, trying to think about some dumb reason to lie about, something that would actually make her happy. Something Kyra would totally believe.

“I just–” Y/n looked to her side, eyes lighting as she saw the perfect reason right in front of her. “I found a really good brand of peanut butter when I went grocery shopping with Lotte yesterday…down that little corner store I told you about.”

Kyra blinked, her expression deadpan. “Peanut butter?”

“Yeah! It’s life-changing, I swear!” Y/n said, her excitement growing, as she made up the biggest lie ever. “It’s smooth, creamy–not chunky. You know I hate when they’re chunky.”

Kyra stared at her before, brows still furrowed, “Really? That’s what’s making you so happy? Peanut butter”

Honestly, both girls had said peanut butter so many times that it was losing its meaning.

“Yes,” Y/n said, confident in her voice. “And…It’s also organic!” She added dramatically.

“Organic?” Kyra raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t all peanut butter organic?”

“No, Ky,” Y/n said, shaking her head as if she was ready to lecture a class. “Not all of them! This one doesn't have all those weird additives–it's pure peanut butter–just peanuts and palm oil. The label says the oil is ‘ethically sourced’, too.

“Ethically sourced peanut butter? What does that even mean?”

“It’s like peanut butter that is made with conscience,” Y/ns said seriously, without missing a beat. “They are processed while following rigorous environmental laws.”

“And since when did peanuts–” Kyra started, but then paused before shaking her head, “You know what? I’m just happy you‘re happy.”

They chatted a bit before Kyra had to go to training. They had only one more game to play before Kyra would go home.

If they lost to the USA, they would be placed second, and of course, the Matildas didn’t want that.

After a few more days, the SheBelieve cup had come to an end. The Matildas had beaten Colombia and Japan throughout the last two weeks, but they ended up losing to the United States team, which made them runners-up.

Kyra videochatted Y/n after the loss, clearly upset, but after a few hours talking with Y/n and her teammates, she calmed down and was able to smile a bit.

After two whole weeks without Kyra, she was finally coming home in less than an hour.

If Y/n could bounce on her feet, she would be doing that now, her eyes glued to the clock in the kitchen. She tried to tell herself she wasn’t nervous–but she was, and Y/n didn’t understand the reason why.

She was happy that Kyra was coming back home, thrilled even, but that feeling was mixed with something heavier–anxiety, maybe? Fear that Kyra would look at the missing cast on her legs and…not like her anymore.

Why would Kyra not like Y/n now that she didn’t have the cast on? No clue, Y/n couldn’t even think of a good reason, but that didn’t ease her nervousness. It’s been two weeks, and Y/n was scared that something was going to change between her and Kyra.

She and Kyra had only been together for the period Y/n had the cast on. Would things in her relationship change much? Would they change at all? Would their routine change?

There were a lot of questions running through her mind at the same time, and the noise of the clock’s hand moving was making her even more anxious.

Y/n sat on the table, smoothing down her shirt for what felt like the ninth time, her gaze flicking from the clock, to the door, to the table set in front of her.

Y/n had tried to do something different. She wasn’t very good at expressing how she felt with words, so she tried to do it with actions.

She had set the table hours ago–impatient much? Lit candles were sitting right in the middle of the table; all the lights in the dining room were turned off, and the only source of lighting came from the candles.

She had made pasta, it was easy, she didn't have to stand up for long, and it was one of Kyra's favorite dishes, so it just felt right.

Y/n had also bought wine. She actually didn’t drink alcohol–scared that the alcohol could lower her performance in the long run somehow–but today she would allow herself that.

She stared at the bottle of ‘Priorat’ sitting right beside the candle. It was a type of red wine made out of black cherries. She had bought it from a vintner, and he had said it had a tannic flavour to it.

Y/n wasn't sure what tannic was or what it tasted like.

She just hoped Kyra liked it.

Kyras was coming home. After two whole weeks without her, she was coming home.

She texted Y/n 5 minutes ago letting her know she had just got into a taxi at the airport and was on her way home. It would probably take 20 minutes before Kyra arrived.

Y/n looked down at her leg and tried to flex her ankle, like she had been doing every day since she removed the cast, just to feel the freedom of movement. It didn’t hurt–not really, but the lingering stiffness was still there.

Mary had told her it would feel like that for a good whole month, even with physiotherapy. It was just the natural healing processes of the bones and muscle fiber, but still, she wanted to be able to walk around without her crutch soon.

The notification on her phone brought Y/n out of her thoughts. It was Kyra saying she was close.

Y/n quickly went to the mirror on the far side of the dining room, checking herself one last time. Her hair was in check and her outfit too: a green shirt and white t-shirt; something easy to take off–she had to think about after dinner too.

And just like that, Y/n heard the key on the door turning.

Y/n turned around, quickly getting her crutch. She adjusted her grip. Tucking it snugly under her arms before moving toward the front door.

Kyra’s back was to her, her suitcase parked by the door as she fiddled with the lock.

Y/n didn't waste anything before she shifted her weight onto her good leg, planting her crutch firmly against the floor for balance. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Kyra from behind, pressing her face into the fabric of her hoodie.

Y/n breathed in and out, feeling Kyra’s shampoo fill her nose. Suddenly, relief washed over her.

She missed Kyra, she missed her scent, her laugh, her smile, her hugs.

Everything. But now she was here.

“Hey, pretty,” Kyra said, trying to turn around, but y/n held her tight. “I leave for a fortnight and you’re giving bear hugs now, what else? Let me guess, did your leg heal or–”

As if this was the cue Y/n was waiting for, she let loose of her hold on Kyra, letting the girl turn around. She watched Kyras' soft eyes, the way they squinted when she smiled.

Kyra didn’t notice her leg, not yet, being too occupied looking at her eyes and well, at her mouth.

Y/n quickly cupped Kyra's face and brought her to a kiss, her crush long forgotten on the floor somewhere, her only source of balance was Kyra. Y/n clutched one hand on Kyra's hoodie while the other was placed on the back of Kyra’s neck.

Kyra deepened the kiss, savouring Y/n. She noticed how Y/n was a bit unbalanced, so she held her hips and gently brought her closer.

“Hi,” Y/n said, breaking the kiss just to meet Kyra’s lips again.

She felt Kyra smiling against her mouth, that's how they should always be, together, kissing, just the two of them.

“Miss me much?” Kyra asked, kissing Y/n’s cheek, and then travelling to the girl's jaw, where she sucked the skins softly.

Y/n couldn’t help but think about how much had changed in her world since Kyra came into it–the little things, like how there were no weird jokes to laugh at when Kyra wasn’t around, or how her nails looked far less neat because Kyra wasn’t there to paint them.

“Not much, no,” Y/n teased as she lifted her neck so Kyra could have more room, her lips warm and wet as they kissed Y/n’s skin.

“That’s not what you told me the numerous times we called,” Kyra murmured, placing a hand under Y/n’s shirt on her back, scratching the spot.

“Just kiss me, please,” Y/n murmured, looking up to Kyra.

“Just because you said please,” Kyra said, smiling, kissing her back, more slowly this time, trying to show through the kiss how much she hated being away from Y/n.

Playing for Australia was always an amazing experience, being on the field wearing her country's colour was a feeling Kyra could not put into words, especially when she was doing it with players she had known since she was basically a teen.

It felt good to play again after such a long time without an international break, but man, did she miss Y/n all the time she was in the US.

Kyra missed her grumpy remarks, missed having someone telling her she should eat more salad, missed having someone to brush and dry her wet hair for her, missed the massages Y/n used to do on her feet after a long day of training.

She was just happy to be home now.

After being away for two weeks, that’s what Kyra realised Y/n’s house was: her home, especially because Y/n and Footy were in it, waiting for her.

“I always knew you had a short attention span,” Y/n said, chuckling, taking her crutch back with one hand as she took a step back to better look at Kyra. “But this is getting ridiculous.”

“Ugh?” Kyra tilted her head, like a puppy who was still learning a new trick.

“Don’t you notice… anything different?” Y/n asked, lifting her eyebrows.

Kyra’s gaze drifted down her body, scanning her up and down, observing every inch of the girl. Her eyes lingered, brow furring, like she was piecing together a puzzle. Nothing caught her eye.

“Hmm,” Kyra said slowly, hesitating in her voice. “Your hair looks so nice… I love the new…cut?”

Y/n facepalmed herself.

“Kyra, baby,” Y/n said, pointing to her leg. “Cast it off! I didn’t get a hair–”

Before Y/n could finish her sentence, Kyra had already wrapped her arms around her, lifting her off the ground and spinning her in a dizzying circle.

“What the fuck?” Kyra exclaimed against her shoulder, while still twirling her around. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Wanted it to be a surprise,” Y/n said cheekily.

“Wow–Okay,” Kyra said at a loss for words. “It worked, I’m very surprised… When did you take it off?”

“Lika last week–”

“Last week?! You took your cast off last week and you didn’t tell me!”

“Yes! That’s how you plan a surprise.”

“Your cast is off,” Kyra said once again, in disbelief.

“Yep” Y/n smirked. “and if im not misteken you said we’ll have sex once my cast was off so pretty plese can we fuck?”

“You’re so romantic, oh my god!” Kyra said sarcastically, but swiftly cupped Y/n's cheek in a deep kiss.

“But–we, hm,” Y/n tried to say between the kisses, but Kyra wasn’t letting go of her mouth, so she gently pulled her body so she could speak.

Kyra looked at her, sad, with a pout.

“As I was trying to say, first we need to eat,” Y/n said.

“I do want to eat,” Kyra said, a grin on her face, “Let me? Please?”

Y/n felt her heart skip a beat. Kyra wasn’t normally the one to say dirty things, but she always got along when Y/n did it.

So she flushed at the sudden boldness.

“I-I mean it like real food,” Y/n said.

Great, she stammered, guess that was her new personality right now.

“I made spaghetti–”

“spaghetti!?” Kyra said, losing all the devilish expression on her face, changing it to pure happiness. “I love spaghetti, baby!”

Kyra hugged her again, but more softly this time.

“I know you do,” Y/n laughed as Kyra kissed her in the ticklish spot on her neck. “Now let’s go before it’s cold.”

Kyra and Y/n stepped into the dining room. Kyra stopped, and her eyes flickered around the room. The warm light of the candles made the atmosphere of the room seem cozy.

The faint scent of something garlicky lingered in the air, it was coming from the plates already set out on the table.

“Baby!” Kyra said softly, turning to Y/n. “You did all of this?”

Y/n glanced at the table–the candles flickering gently, the wine glasses way too fancy for a casual dinner. Her face heated up; maybe she had overdone it, it really looked like a lot for just a ‘welcome home diner’.

Y/n shrugged one shoulder, suddenly finding the rug on the floor very interesting. “Just didn’t want you coming home to, like, cold pizza and soda or something.”

“It looks lovely,” Kyra said, cupping Y/n’s cheeks. “You are lovely.”

Y/n felt Kyra’s lips on her forehead, and for some reason, she felt embarrassed…exposed–like Kyra was seeing something she wasn’t ready to show–a part of her that was private, intimate.

Kyra grinned. “You know I would love some pizza. But this.” She pointed at the table, “This is amazing.”

“It’s just dinner,” Y/n said quickly, adjusting a candle that didn’t need adjusting,

“Sure, just dinner?” Kyra’s grin widening, leaning over Y/n, her breath warm against Y/n’s ear. “But a romantic one, maybe?”

“Stop it,” Y/n groaned, her cheeks on fire. “It’s just pasta and…wine.” Her eyes flickered back to the table, focusing on the stupid candle. Why had she lit them? It looked like a rom-com set up right in her dining room.

“I love it,” Kyra tugged Y/n closer, holding her by her waist. “And I love how you’re blushing right now–should've got that on camera.”

“I would never let you,” Y/n warned, but her voice lacked any real threat. She was too flustered, too warm and too aware of Kyras's smile pressing against her skin.

Y/n blushed as Kyra held out a chair for her. She almost refused–hating how formal Kyra was making it–but she didn’t want to ruin things with her grumpiness right when Kyra had just gotten home. She could handle thirty minutes.

Dinner passes in a blur of teasing smiles and that old, comforting and easy conversation Y/n and Kyra were used to.

They talked about everything that they had already talked over the phone because Kyra insisted on telling the same stories all over again, although Y/n didn’t mind hearing them, not when Kyra had that soft smile on her face the whole time.

Y/n shared about her routines, about the coffee dates with Lotte and Beth, and the video chats with Leah. How well behaved Footy was and how he had definitely not taken his well-behaved nature from Kyra.

Kyra begged Y/n to recreate that Lady and the Tramp movie scene, where both characters share one noodle, but Y/n said no grumpily, murmuring something about how each of them had a plate for a reason, all while putting hers closer to her chest.

Afterward, they ended up curled on the couch, Kyra’s arm lazily wrapped over Y/n’s waist while they shared a glass of wine.

“You don’t share food, but you share drinks?” Kyra asked as Y/n held out her glass to Kyra.

“Yes,” Y/n said stoically, feeling the warmth of the wine settling in.

“Hmm, good to know,” Kyra smiled, taking a sip. “I like it. It tastes good.”

Kyra passed the glass back to Y/n’s hands, as she took another sip, savoring it but feeling a slight tension building between them, as unspoken energy in the space.

The moment Y/n was waiting for so long was finally here.

With a confident smile, Y/n put the glass down on the coffee table and turned to Kyra, her movements slow and deliberate. She placed her hand on Kyra’s thigh as she wrapped her finger in the back of Kyra's neck, bringing her closer until their lips met.

The kiss was slow at first, Y/n was the one dictating it, turning Kyra’s face just the way she wanted while playing roughly with her tongue in a slow, but intense manner.

Her tongue brushed against Kyra’s. Tasting the lingering acidity of the wine of both of their tongues as Kyra let out a soft, almost imperceptible moan as their kiss deepened.

Y/n’s hand shifted, boldly pulling Kyra’s even closer as she pressed her body against hers. Every inch of space between them vanished in the moment.

“I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” Y/n murmured, placing her hand under Kyra’s shirt, feeling the softness of her skin.

“Me too,” Kyra whispered, tilting her head to the side, and Y/n kissed the side of her face slowly. “So much.”

“Did you think about me?” Y/n asked, caressing her fingers through Kyra’s back, watching as the girl shivered.

Kyra hesitated, but nodded, a blush on her face.

“I’m asking you, baby,” Y/n said, her tone sternly, but the soft touches of her hands against Kyra remained the same. “Talk to me, come on.”

“I did, a lot,” Kyra purred, the fabric of her shirt bothering her; she wanted to take it off, be free of everything standing in hers and Y/n’s way.

Y/n grinned, happy with Kyra’s response.

“I touched myself every night after I took the cast off,” Y/n confessed, tugging at the hem of Kyra’s shirt, but not taking it off. “Came a hundred times on my finger thinking about you.”

Kyra’s cheek went flush, and her eyes closed. “Y/n–fuck, the things you say–”

Y/n smiled as she watched Kyra, her mouth slightly open, her hips moving in very slow and almost imperceptible movements.

“Are you horny, Ky?” Y/n asked, taking her own shirt off and throwing it somewhere in the living room.

Kyra opened her eyes at Y/n’s voice, her eyes trailing Y/n’s torso, the red bra she was wearing, how they filled it perfectly. The girl placed her hands on Y/n’s ribcage, enjoying the view in front of her.

“I-I want you,” Kyra said in a low voice, too busy watching Y/n’s tits. Kyra’s thumb softly brushing on the center of the bra, feeling Y/n’s erect nipples. “Please?”

Y/n watched Kyra up and down, Kyra’s big brown eyes watching her as if she held the world in her hands.

“Here’s what we're gonna do, baby,” Y/n said as she held Kyra’s wrists and took them off her body, ignoring the way Kyra pouted. “I’m gonna take care of you now–”

“–And then we’re going to our room,” Y/n unclipped her bra, letting it fall to the sofa before she put it to the side, just like she did with her shirt. “And you’re going to fullfill your promise of fucking me as many times as I want, alright?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” Kyra said eagerly, her eyes glued on Y/n’s breasts. They were soft and hung just the way Kyra liked them.

Y/n leaned forward and turned her body to Kyra, her good leg was crossed on the sofa while her bad leg was still, hanging over the sofa.

She had way more mobility since she had taken the cast off, but she still needed to be careful not to get carried away. The cast always reminded her of what movements she could or couldn't do, but now, without it–with only a shin brace on–it was easy to forget about her limitations.

“Good,” Y/n said hungrily before holding her one breast in her hand. “Now suck it.”

Kyra didn’t waste any time before wrapping her lips around Y/n's nipple, twirling her tongue around it and sucking dutifully, just like Y/n asked her too.

Kyra wasn’t expecting sex when she walked through the front door, still pretty much jetlagged. She had no clue Y/n had taken her cast off; she knew she was going to take it off sometime this month, but she didn’t know when.

As soon as Y/n showed her leg, now bare of cast, with only the grey brace on her shin, she felt a mix of emotions. The most overwhelming one was happiness.

Kyra was so proud and happy for Y/n, she was slowly going back to being who she was before the injury. She hoped that taking the cast off would get Y/n more excited. She tried to sound casual about it, but Kyra knew how much it bothered her being on the sidelines.

Although Kyra’s happiness quickly turned into something else as Y/n and she shared the bottle of wine.

She knew the moment was coming, the moment where they would finally have sex

Kyra just didn’t expect Y/n to be so intense and, well, bossy about it. She pictured their first time having sex as something sweet and slow, with Y/n and her being a bit awkward about the whole thing.

But it was far from the truth.

What they were sharing was intense, Y/n stern voice made Kyra want to drop to her knees at any time, but the slow breathing coming in and out of her nose while she sucked Y/n’s tit grounded Kyra, it made her relax, it was also…comforting, in some strange way.

Y/n caressed her thumb on Kyra’s cheek, watching Kyra's working on her tit while Kyra’s hand came to her other breast, massaging it and pinching the nipple.

Kyra had, so thoughtfully, put a pillow underneath Y/n so she could grind against it. The angle was a bit awkward since she could move both her legs the same, but the friction of the pillow was good enough to have her moaning,

Y/n took Kyra’s hand and placed them on her hips. Kyra understood right away what Y/n wanted, she kept on sucking on her tit while playing with the hem of Y/n’s shorts and so gently, helped rock the girl against the pillow.

Y/n pushed Kyra’s face even closer to her chest, holding her there by the back of her neck as Kyra’s grip on her hips became sharper. Y/n could feel her finger digging into the fabric of the shorts Y/n was still wearing.

She wanted to take her fucking shorts off, it felt so good against her clit, she coulnd’t stop now.

Y/n knew she had told Kyra she was going to take care of her, but she was going to allow herself one little orgasm, just one before they could really start.

“More, Ky,” purred, eyes closed as she felt it coming.

Kyra took her mouth off Y/n’s nipple, kissing all over her chest before pressing her chin on Y/n’s sternum and looking up to her face.

“More of what, Baby?” She asked, her grip firm on Y/n’s body, moving the girl so she could rub more against the pillow. “Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Everything,” Y/n mumbled, starting to feel the usual warm sensation on her lower body growing. “Fuck, I-I, hmm–”

Kyra, again, obeyed Y/n. She wrapped her tongue on Y/n’s nipples again and sucked on it more intensely than before, noticing how much Y/n liked it. Her right hand was on Y/n’s back as her left hand helped Y/n ride the pillow beneath her.

Kyra felt a drop of sweet falling for Y/n’s neck and dropping slowly against Y/n’s skin. Kyra licked it, feeling the salty taste of it.

Right now, all she wanted was to watch Y/n come undone.

Kyra continued helping her move with her hands, but she placed her mouth near Y/ns ear.

“Let me take it off?” Kyra asked, tugging at the shorts.

“No,” Y/n mumbled in her usual bossy tone. “I’m almost there, ple–”

Kyra kissed Y/n deeply, twirling her tongue around, but as she got closer to being the one in control, Y/n’s hands found themself once again on Kyras face, cupping her cheeks and dictating the direction and pace of the kiss.

Y/n’s movements on the pillows got faster, and her breathing hitched as she arched her back and moaned in Kyras' mouth sweetly. They shared the same breath as Y/n came down for her orgasms, her hips still buckling.

“Ky,” she whispered against Kyra’s mouth, eyes still closed, mouth hanging slightly open. “Fuck–so good,”

Kyra kissed Y/n on the lips softly, before trailing small pecks on her forehead and then nose. Y/n had stopped moving her hips, so Kyra’s grip on her body loosened; instead of hard, her grip became comforting.

“Felt good?” Kyra whispered against Y/n’s neck, her lips leaving a heated trail down toward her collarbone, the warmth of her breath sending a wave of desire through Y/n.

Y/n didn’t respond immediately, her breath catching at the feel of Kyra's lips on her skin. Instead, she nodded, her eyes darkening with a mix of need and confidence.

Without wasting another moment, Y/n's hands slid down to Kyra's waist, pulling at her pants, a clear sign that she wasn’t going to wait for permission.

Kyra moved her hips so Y/n could fully take pants off, her underwear making its way to the floor alongside the other piece of clothing. Y/n didn’t waste any second before also taking her shorts and underwear too.

Now the only fabric between them was Kyra’s shirt. But Y/n decided to leave it on for now, wanting to focus on something else.

Y/n leaned over and kissed Kyra, biting Kyra’s lower lip gently, not sure if Kyra would like it if she drew blood, which was like Y/n wanted to do, so she chose the safe option.

“I’m gonna touch you,” Y/n whispered against Kyra’s mouth. “And I’m gonna fuck you until you’re whimpering.”

“I want that, please,” Kyra begged, feeling as Y/n cupped her cunt, already wet in need.

“I didn’t ask if you want it or not, love,” Y/n said, almost in a taunting tone. “I can feel how much you need me already.”

Y/n first circle her thumb around Kyra’s clit, rubbing it slowly and gently, tatsing the water to see how much Kyra could handle.

“Did you use your finger while you were away?” Y/n asked, pressinger her clit a little harder than before. “Did you play with your cunt?”

“Yes,” Kyra breathed, closing her arms and slowly moving her hips against Y/n’s thumb. “I-I touched myself in the shower.”

“Yeah?” Y/n teased while she lowered her fingers and gathered some wetness from Kyra’s hole before putting her attention back on Kyra’s clit. “What were you thinking?”

“Y-you,” Kyra mumbled, hesitant of her words. “You and me fucking and– touching each o–oh fuck.”

“Keep going,” Y/n said as she played with Kyra’s nipples, brushing them under the shorts while also making circles with her thumb against Kyra’s clit. “Where did we touch each other?”

“I don’t–it’s embarrassing.” Kyra blushed and shook her head.

“You can say it,” Y/n took her hand off of Kyra’s cunt. “Or I’ll stop, baby, what do you want?”

“No! Please!” Kyra begged, opening her eyes and looking at Y/n. “I want you.”

Y/n pitched Kyra’s nipple harder, her hand back on her clit, now making eight figures on it. “Then go on, tell me about what you thought while you were making yourself cum.”

“You, I was thinking about you and–” Kyra moaned as Y/n fastened her pace. “We were rubbing against each other while we, hm, fuck, touched eath other’s tit.”

“Would you like that, baby?” Y/n purred against Kyra’s ears as she lifted Kyra's shirt just enough for her to put her head under it.

She latched on one of Kyra’s nipples, sucking it hard, her thumb giving Kyra’s clit all the attention.

“Can-can i cum?” Kyra asked while biting at her lower lip, almost out of breath. “I-I need it baby, hmm, please?”

Y/n gave a kiss on Kyra’s nipple before taking Kyra’s neck, suckling on the skin until it was red, until it marked.

“Yes, baby,” Y/n whispered against her skin. “Do it, let go, yeah?”

Kyra was so compliant that she did just that, cumming on the exact moment Y/n allowed her too.

Her sweet noise filled the room as Y/n helped her ride her orgasm, still moving her thumb against the girl’s clit, trying to make her savor it for as much as she could.

“Too much,” Kyra mumbled, letting her body fall to the couch, hand on her face as she tried to get her breathing in order.

Y/n quickly cleaned her hands in one of the clothes that were on the floor before lying down by Kyr’s side, right on top of her other arm.

Y/n kissed Kyra’s arm, her shoulders and collarbone. She gently took off the hand that was covering her face, putting it to the side and watching Kyra’s face.

She looked like she just has been fucked, just the way Y/n intended.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Kyra mumbled, slight redness in her cheeks.

“But you’re so pretty,” Y/n smiled, kissing the tip of her nose. “Especially after you cum.”

Y/n very slowly made her way to Kyra’s cunt again, it was all wet and messy, still.

Kyra held her hand before she could reach further down. “Sensitive,” she said in a whisper.

“Thought you might want more.” Y/n kissed her lips sweetly. “I’ll be gentle, yeah?”

Kyra hesitated, but nodded, and when her body relaxed, Y/n let one finger slide inside Kyra’s wall. It went in so easily, she didn’t even have to work Kyra up to it. That’s how wet and ready she was.

She felt the warmth of Kyra’s walls snuggling her finger, and she couldn't help herself but add a second. This time it didn't slide in like the first, but Kyra’s body still welcomed it overall.

Y/n put her head down on Kyra’s arm, which was still stretched down by her side. In that position, Y/n could see Kyra reacting to each of her movements.

The way her eyes rolled when Y/n took her fingers out just to thrust them again, and again and again, in a slow, but deep rhythm.

“You’re so wet,” Y/n murmured, turning her head just to kiss Kyra’s shoulder. “Wish you could feel yourself right now, such a wet cunt you have.”

Y/n felt Kyra clutch around her. “Oh, you like when I talk to you?” Y/n asked, moving her finger faster.

“Y-yes,” Kyra said, moving her hips to meet Y/n’s finger at the same time. “I’m close again.”

“Already, baby?” Y/n said teasing. “But I’ve barely touched you.”

Her warm walls were clutching even more now, as if ready to cum soon. Who would know her girl was so easy to cum, huh?”

“I-I know, I just–”

“You’re just very needy, right?” Y/n asked as she added yet another finger, moving the three of them as she heard Kyra moaning.

Kyra nodded while making an indecipherable sound, Y/n could only guess it was a ‘yes’. She kissed Kyra again, hand on her cheek, turning the girl’s head more to the side so she could deepen the kiss.

She was very close, her hips moved swiftly on Y/n’s finger, her hands were lying on fists by Kyra’s side.

“I wanna see you cum again, Ky,” Y/n purred, licking Kyra’s lips as the girl moaned. “Soak my fingers, go on.”

Kyra did just that, taking her hand to her own mouth and biting it hard to muffle the sounds of her orgasms, but Y/n wasn’t having it.

She took Kyra’s hand off her face and fastened the thrust of her fingers inside Kyra’s cunt, all while sucking Kyra’s bottom lip into her mouth.

Kyra came fast, feeling her skin prick with pleasure, her hips still rutting on Y/n’s finger, trying to make her orgasm last as long as possible.

Y/n kissed her sloppy, slowly taking her fingers off of Kyra, focusing on just kissing her mouth.

“You felt so good,” Y/n whispered, her voice low and smug, pride curling at the edges of her words. She shifted closer, pressing her body against Kyra’s side, and kissed her sweetly on the cheek, before leaving a heated trail down towards her collarbone. “I wanna do it all over again.”

Kyra turned her head to the side, still breathless and lightheaded from the two orgasms Y/n had just pulled from her– both in a ridiculously quick succession. Her limbs were still heavy and her head foggy, but she still managed to reach for Y/n, fingers slipping lazily into her hair.

“Hmm,” Kyra hummed, her eyes falling shut as she felt Y/n’s breath warm against her skin. “Of course you do…you’re like…a menace.”

“No, I’m not,” Y/n murmured, her lips curving against Kyra’s neck. “I’m just efficient.”

Kyra chuckled as her hands traced a lazy circle along Y/n’s waist.

“You know,” Y/n said, her voice low and teasing. “You promised me all sex in the world when I got my cast off.”

Kyra let out a breathy laugh. “I didn’t promise all sex in the world in one night.”

“Hmm,” Y/n kissed her way back to Kyra’s neck, pausing at her jawline. “Yes, you did.” Y/n made her way to Kyra’s warm, nipping at Kyra’s earlobe gently.

Kyra shifted beneath her, and a groan slipped out — but not the kind Y/n was aiming for.

“I can’t feel my legs,” Kyra murmured.

“How?” Y/n said teasingly. “We’ve barely done anything–you are a few years younger than me, I thought your sex drive would be better.”

“My sex drive is great”, Kyra grumbled. “When I don’t have to spend nine hours crammed in a plane seat next to Steph.”

"Yeah..." Y/n said, her fingers softening against Kyra's arm. "You must be wrecked."

“I’m fine,” Kyra said through a yawn. “Just need to close my eyes for, like, two minutes.”

“So we can have more sex after?” Y/n asked smugly, “That’s still not a no.”

“It's a ‘please, let me take a nap’.”

“Fine,” Y/n muttered, flopping dramatically onto her back. “I guess I’ll just lie here…cold…unloved…”

“Bloody hell,” Kyra laughed, pulling Y/n closer and tucking her head under her chin. “You’ve gotten so dramatic while I was away.”

“You’ll learn to love it,” Y/n grinned, pressing a kiss to Kyar’s collarbone.

“Yeah,” Kyra murmured, her voice heavy with sleep. “I already do.”

Notes: 10 chapters!! 52k words for this series <3 Thanks to everybody who stuck around haha I think we have like... two/three more parts until this series is over! I know the smut wasn't very long, but there will be more in the next chapter <3

Notes 2//: Please let me know what you guys think!!!

Tag list in the comments

Masterlist

#woso x reader #woso fanfic #kyra cooney cross #woso community #kyra cooney cross smut #kyra cooney cross x reader

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tyrantisterror · 2 days ago

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When I was 3 years old I went to a preschool that had this little green crocheted crocodile finger puppet that was my absolute favorite toy to play with of all time. I named her Chelsea, because Chelsea starts with C and crocodile starts with C and more often than not wild animals in fiction aimed at kids have names that start with the same first letter as their species. I played with Chelsea every day, because she was my favorite toy, and because the other kids weren't really interested in her, and also because I eventually started to hide her in a special secret spot in the room so no one else would find her before I did. She was so beloved by me that when I graduated from preschool, my teachers gave Chelsea to me permanently, because it was clear no one else would ever love that little crochet crocodile as much as me anyway (in part because I hid her). They waited a few weeks after I graduated before doing it, too, and sent Chelsea with some post cards as if the crocodile had been on a whirlwind "travel the world" vacation before deciding to come live with me.

And Chelsea remained my favorite toy all through my childhood. There were others I loved nearly as much, like my Imperial Godzilla and the big red T.rex from the first Jurassic Park toy line and my tiny knockoff plush Charmander, but Chelsea always held the place of honor in my heart. She was my absolute favorite toy.

I kept a lot of my favorite toys through adolescence, even if social pressure eventually got me to give away a lot of them (and some, y'know, broke). That's obviously not surprising to you if you've followed my blog, since I still collect toys into my adulthood. But it's important to note because while I know I made a conscious effort to never throw out Chelsea every time I pared down my collection... at some point, she went missing.

I became aware of it when I graduated from high school. I was feeling really emotional about leaving that stage of my life and, y'know, becoming an adult and shit, and in that state I decided to find Chelsea to reassure myself that I hadn't entirely left childhood behind. But Chelsea wasn't there. No matter how hard I looked, I could not find Chelsea anyway.

And that was, like, devastating, because the only explanation was that somehow, at some point, I had accidentally tossed her out with some other "childhood junk" while trying to grow up and be responsible in my teen years. I had literally thrown away my childhood in a careless attempt to be more grown up.

Of course I knew she was just a toy - nothing more than some yarn twisted together in the loose shape of a crocodile, lifeless and soul-less and more or less worthless in the objective light of day. But she was also Chelsea, my best friend since i was three, my stalwart little pal, a source of comfort for most of my life at that point, and I had just... tossed her out! Like garbage! What kind of person was I becoming if I could do that to my best friend?

I was very visibly distraught, and my mom noticed. Being very crafty, she tried to find the pattern for Chelsea so she could knit me a new one. The problem is, she had no idea where to find said pattern. She checked all her books of crochet patterns, and when that failed she tried the internet, but no matter how hard she looked, she found nothing.

So my mom found the next best thing.

The original Chelsea was a tiny finger puppet, and I had "met" her when I was three. Well, I was eighteen now - shouldn't Chelsea have grown too? And as has been established, this crocodile was fond of whirlwind vacations. My mom found a pattern that looked as much like Chelsea as possible while also being a much bigger crocodile, and gifted her to me before I left for college - to show that while we can't stop the flow of time or how it changes us, that doesn't mean we have to leave it behind.

And yeah, I decided to believe it. That's Chelsea now. Yeah, I know that in reality it's a completely different set of yarn made by my mom rather than... whoever it was that crocheted the original Chelsea, but then, Chelsea was never really the yarn. She was the feelings I put into the yarn, you know? So that's Chelsea, all grown up, and still my most prized toy.

...

Flash forward... Jesus, eighteen years, holy shit. A few weeks ago I saw a post trying to identify a different crochet crocodile pattern, and thinking it was cute, I decided to try and look for it on ebay and etsy, just to see if maybe I could find it. I didn't, but do you know what I found instead?

A very familiar crochet crocodile finger puppet. An intensely familiar one, you might say. Of course I bought it. And of course I asked the seller if, perhaps, they might have the pattern for it or know where it came from (they did not, alas). And after a few days, she showed up at my house.

She's not Chelsea, obviously. For one thing, she's far too clean and fresh looking - Chelsea was very well loved, and looked the part, while this crocodile finger puppet has definitely not endured years upon years of a child's affection. And, more importantly, she's not Chelsea because we've already established that Chelsea grew up into a bigger crochet crocodile. This has to be Chelsea's younger sister, Cici.

And if I could find another of Chelsea's kind after all these years, then maybe, with a bit of luck, I might find the pattern for her, and be able to make more of them. Fill the world with Chelseas.

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bunni-v1 · 1 day ago

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Bunni's Ifa Brainrot

🍓Obsessing over this man right now, so now you'll get the big dump of my thoughts based on what I've seen in the event quest. Some of these come from conversations I had with @pinksandss my fellow Ifa enjoyer, others are just me vomiting whatever I can get out. These are subject to change just the initial thoughts based solely on vibes from the event and in game dialogue.

TW: NSFW under the cut MDNI; unedited I cannot be bothered.

General

-Ifa is incredibly chill, like super laid back. He's not the kind of guy to panic or freak out needlessly, he likes to take his time with things and get them done in however much time he needs. Being rushed just isn't something he jives with.

-That being said, his being laid back doesn't mean he's lazy. Far from it, he's actually incredibly hard-working and takes his job seriously. What's important to him is important to him, and he's not the kind to slack off when he (or the people he cares about) cares about something.

-He's level-headed and reliable, very much the cool older brother type that people look up to. His casual demeanor makes him seem intimidating, but he's actually really easy to get along with if you give him the time of day. Some people might think he's a bit rude with how he holds himself, but he just doesn't care for silly niceties when that's not who he is.

-He's very funny. His sense of humor is dry and he says shit with a straight face, but it always gets you laughing. His timing is always perfect, and sometimes (most times) he's not even trying, he's just charming like that.

-Speaking of charming, he's a flirt, but not 100% intentionally. It's just the way he talks and the way he holds himself, he comes off as overly ambitious in love when he's just being honest about how he feels about someone or something. Not to say he isn't aware of the effect he has on people, just that he's effortlessly good at what he does.

-Despite his ease with socializing, he doesn't strike me as someone who really likes it much. He feels more like he enjoys his alone time more than he does being around others. Sure he'll go out and spend time with people, but he's much more fond of spending quiet time with the saurians.

-When he does like someone, though, it's pretty obvious. He affords them a lot more room for error and goes out of his way to spend time with them/let them in his space. Examples include Ororon, where Ifa seems to humor him, and might even have a teasing streak with the way Ororon talks about him.

-He's well respected, but he doesn't demand it from anyone. The respect he has is through his own hard work, and I don't believe that he's the type to let it bother him if he isn't respected. He's self-assured, and as long as he's getting the job done, he doesn't really care what other people feel about him.

Romantic

-If Ifa is romantically interested in a person (you, specifically), he isn't going to beat around the bush. He's intentional about how he approaches you, not leaving any room for question in the way he feels, but not pushing you into something you don't want. It's pretty obvious what he wants from you, but he gives you plenty of space to make the final decision.

-You can almost imagine it like how he approaches wounded saurians. Obviously, you're a highly intelligent person, and of course the same species as him, but he takes his time in earning your trust and getting you to open him up with his intentions clear as day. He doesn't want to run around and play games, he wants to be with you, so he needs to know if you want the same thing.

-When you do eventually accept his advances and start returning them, he's relieved. Not even all the confidence in the world would've saved his heart from breaking if you'd turned him down. You didn't, though, and so now you get to know Ifa in a more intimate way than others.

-He is so gentle, you wouldn't expect it from someone who seems to be so chilled out all the time, but he is. Part of it comes from the fact that he deals with wounded animals several times bigger than him, but it also is just how he is. He loves you, and how he shows that is through a gentle demeanor no one else is really afforded from him.

-This gentleness does not mean he isn't a tease, though. He likes to poke fun at you, and he expects the same in return. Part of being in a relationship is wanting to have fun with your partner, and what's more fun than picking on each other a little. It's just a sign that you know each other well enough that you know how to get under each other's skin.

-He's very much a 'says it as it is' guy, so he's straightforward in how he compliments you. His "flirting" is more like straightforward comments that leave you reeling for a few seconds after he gives them. It's very different from the perceived "flirting" mentioned earlier, this is very intentional and he wants to see you fluster.

-He is not a romantic, though. Not the type to go for grand gestures of affection and bold displays. His love is quiet and he doesn't like to put it on display, preferring to keep it close between the two of you.

-Instead of fancy shit, he likes to do little things for you that get you all kinds of soft and mushy inside. Like cooking your dinner or coming home with a bouquet of your favorite flowers to decorate the kitchen table. Small things that require time and effort, maybe they're not sparkly, but they're consistent shows of his dedication to you.

-He's very serious about your health, while he's a saurian vet, he knows enough about humans that he knows what he's talking about. He takes good care of you, feeding you well and making sure you're getting all the nutrients you need to remain happy and healthy at his side.

-He also memorizes everything you tell him. He's a smart guy, and he's good at compartmentalizing things in that head of his so he doesn't forget anything. While he might not always be on time to do things because of work, he always shows up. If he is late he always shows up with an apology gift and a pitiful little expression.

-If you show interest in his work (or are in the same line of work as him), he's happy to indulge you. He won't make you do anything intense with serious illnesses, but he does like letting you help him about the clinic and what not.

-He goes out of his way to include you in his life, wanting you to be interested in his interests and the things he does. In return he's equally as invested in yours when given the chance. He loves hearing about what you like to do and the things you're working on.

-Oh, and, yes... he does call you bro. Not even you are exempt from it.

MDNI Under the cut

NSFW

-Ifa is a busy guy, flying around all over Natlan to check up on various different cases. He can spend days at a time without seeing you, and while he's good at suppressing himself and his needs, boy does it get hard when he comes home and you greet him with a big smile after days of endless work.

-After much thinking, I've come to the conclusion that he is a hard top and he cannot be swayed from that. No matter how much you fight him, he's always in control, even when you think you are.

-His sex drive is relatively low, but he can match you pretty easily if yours is higher. He's good at ignoring his own needs, but if you come to him and ask him all cute like that he can't say no to you. He's not nice, though.

-His biggest kink is, obviously, cockwarming. It matches his laid-back and relaxed vibe so well. He's not someone who rushes into sex, and as such, he can have you sit there on his dick for as long as he wants without feeling the need to move once. It's usually reserved for when he's working on something more hands-off, but sometimes... sometimes it's more of a "teaching" moment.

-He likes to quiz you on medical knowledge, regardless of if you know it or not. He'll have you sit on his lap and ask you questions about different things, curious to see how much you remember from your conversations with him. If you get things wrong he'll make you sit there until you get it right. If you get it right he might let you wiggle around a bit, if he's feeling it that day.

-He makes you look at him too, no hiding. He's an observer at heart, so he likes seeing the struggle on your face regardless of the position you're in. Finds it incredibly hot when your face scrunches up to keep yourself from making all those cute little noises he loves.

-Also he's just incredible with his hands. It's genuinely mind-melting how he's able to hit every pleasure point in your body with those deft fingers of his.

-He's got an oral fixation focused on you, not that he doesn't like eating you out, just that he finds your lips wrapped around him to be a much nicer sight. They get so red and swollen when you suck him off, and you take him so well, he can't help the way it burns into the back of his mind.

-Before he fingers you - which is another favorite of his - he likes to have you suck on his fingers to get them ready. He has so much fun playing around with your tongue, pressing it flat beneath his fingers and swirling them around it. And you do it so diligently, obedient to a fault.

-Well, you know what happens when you don't listen. He'll use those fingers against you until you can't think straight. He won't stop until you're a blubbering, overstimulated mess underneath him, begging him for forgiveness.

-And he knows how to get you there quickly if he wants to. While he likes to take his time, and that can be a fun punishment too, when you've really messed up your orgasms come in quick succession and they are relentless. If you let him he'll fuck you until you're dry.

-Of course nothing but the best aftercare afterwards. He might be mean but he's not a monster. He cleans you up and makes you all cozy in bed, gets you hydrated and eating if you have it in you to. Just so sweet on you after you've given him all you've got.

#x reader #bunni's treats 🧁#genshin impact x reader #ifa #ifa x reader #genshin ifa x reader #ifa x you #genshin ifa #genshin x reader

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pocketmania · 2 days ago

Note

ENA X Male!Reader that IS basically a computer Vírus,I think It Will be like this relationship

Girl with her Eldritch boyfriend

[A/N] hello jp!! Thank you for requesting! Aaaand sorry for the wait‼️

Alsoooo dream BBQ is out!! I watched gameplay of it, and it was so super good! If you're able to play it, I recommend it! I'll link the game underneath this post just in case any of you decide to check it out for yourselves :]

Now onto the thingy

# ENA w/ a Virus!Reader

(🎭🌙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨💭) - ENA headcanons

(reader type) - AMAB & masculine; a virus / eldritch monster within ENA's world

(‼️warnings) - body horror

(quick summary) - headcanons about ENA dating the Reader, who is a virus

♨ jesus christ how did you two end up together. more importantly why am I the one asking this question I'm the writer

♨ on a random trip to visit an in-universe mall, ENA spotted you from afar and went up to you, making conversation like she typically does

♨ from that point on, you both kept meeting up coincidentally on separate adventures. then you began to join ENA on her adventures. fast forward about 2 years of awkward small talk and lots of denying that you're in love, ENA confesses to you rather indirectly/vaguely

❝ I'm cweating a fwightwess dodo out of myself in fwont of the pewrson who scawes the voices away the most! ❞

❝ Hey, don't be like th—what did you say? ❞

♨ Okay, here's the thing

♨ Unfortunately, whatever you touch becomes all... glitchy and nonsensical. Moreso than whatever it already is

♨ ENA herself discovered this fact when she tried to hold your hand. You failed to warn her in time, and it glitched out. You had to go on a mini adventure to help her out

♨ After this incident, you found a nice workaround: three-dimensional gloves. You make the lack of being able to kiss or even hug from time to time work, however

♨ Your stature and overall demeanor are VERY intimidating and kind of scary. You're also... quite dangerous because of how unstable your code is

♨ That did not stop the Picasso Painting Lady. If anything, it motivated her

♨ In an attempt to get closer to you and become "an ideal and ultimate significant other" as she'd call it, she began to ask around for dating advice from people, some she really should not be taking advice from

♨ Like Moony

❝ Get them your favorite type of flowers to remind them of what kind of flowers you like. Flawless plan! ❞

❝ My, my! With these tips, I'll certainly be the apple of (Y/N)'s eye! ❞

♨ Despite your incredibly different backgrounds, you're very open with each other (which many people are surprised by)

♨ Going back to the bodily factor, your body is kinda fucked up

♨ Like I said, your code is unstable, which means that your form is unstable as well. It changes a lot, and you feel self-conscious about it, but mask it with your toughness and whatnot

♨ Once you told ENA, she was constantly reminding you that you looked stunning and helping you understand that you looked completely fine

♨ Similar to my last batches of ENA headcanons, you are, like, the only person who's nice to ENA

♨ You'll obviously have your moments, but you're nicer to her than anyone else so

♨ Dates are intended to be minimal and relaxing, but you always end up getting lost on your way home

♨ Basically monster × monster kisser

♨ You will not hesitate to corrupt anything that stands in her way

♨ Despite how different you two are, it doesn't matter. Your differences only bring the best out of one another, and in a world like this, different is all you know <3

Play Dream BBQ here!

#writeblr #x reader #headcanons #ena #ena x reader #ena joel g #joel g #joel g ena #dream bbq is so PEAK please go support it #the reviews went up by 100 as i'm typing this #eat up

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twopoppies · 1 day ago

Note

This isn’t really a question, more of a comment, and I consider your blog a safe space to share it: It seems like there’s a consensus in some part of the fandom about Harry, where people assume he was planning his solo career since 2013, that he betrayed the other boys, and that being ‘the chosen one’ by Sony, the Azoffs, and everyone around him has made his life easier. Because of that, people think he doesn’t deserve any sympathy and that he’s to blame for everything. I used to think this way at one point, too.

Now that I’m back, looking at things in retrospect and trying to understand a few other things, I realize how limited (and I’d say harmful) that perspective is. Here, I’ll add a disclaimer: I’m not denying that Harry had an advantage over the others, or that he made mistakes, etc. I’m just trying to understand things better within the context they happened in.

So, it’s 2010, Harry starts in the industry at 16, and from the start it’s clear he’s a pretty domestic, naive, quirky, friendly person with a big heart. And on top of that, he’s physically attractive. Put all those traits together, and you’ve got the perfect target, your moneymaker. You’ve got this young teenager who’s perfect to draw in a huge female audience. So, what do I do as a smart and evil businessman? I decide to milk him for all he’s worth and make more and more money from my new asset.

Now fast forward to late 2012-early 2013. You’ve got a closeted Harry, clearly sad and exhausted from not being able to love and live freely, and from the workload. Then he meets Jeff. What does he do as the son of one of the most successful managers in the industry? He applies what he's learned, sees the potential in this kid, and offers him what he wants most—not just money and more fame, but something way more valuable: freedom.

Add to that, apparently, everyone wants to be your friend because you’re the new hot thing, everyone ‘advises’ you, everyone wants something from you. But most of all, you have a lot of people whispering in your ear about what to do or not to do, and you don’t know who to trust, so you trust those who, even though they’ve asked for something in return, have given you protection and promised you freedom. Those who make you feel safe and have protected your relationship.

Suddenly, you’re in the media more and more, meeting really interesting famous people, but at the same time, the closet gets tighter, the physical separations get longer, and everything becomes unbearable. You just want to be at peace with your boyfriend and make music. And you can’t take it anymore. And then, there are probably other, much more personal things he was dealing with.

What I’m trying to say with all this is that just because Harry was ‘the chosen one’ from the start doesn’t mean he had the best time of his life while watching his bandmates suffer. Just because he has a smile on his face most of the time doesn’t mean we know what he’s feeling. We don’t know him personally.

I know Harry’s in a different and better situation now than when he started. I know he has more control over some things (or at least I hope he does), and I think that’s because he learned from what happened in the band. He literally said he only started processing a lot of things from that time in 2020-2021.

To wrap this up, I just want to say they were all really young when they started, and I can’t even imagine what else they went through. I'm 24 and I still don't know how to deal with a lot of things. I’m just tired of people comparing their suffering and judging based on that.

I know exactly who you’re talking about with that framing of Harry’s story. The person who started it is a bitter ex-larrie and it’s such nonsense (as you very clearly lay out) but they’ve amassed a big following and that side of the fandom has festered into a nasty cauldron of hate.

Harry’s ability to make everything look easy, and to appear as though he’s weathered his trauma without any lasting damage, makes him a target to people who are angry at the level of critical/financial success he’s had.

Instead of just accepting that he was given more opportunities because people in power saw more potential to make money off of him (for whatever host of reasons), and he had the talent and drive to run with it instead of being crushed by it, they’d prefer to paint a ridiculous story about him being evil, corrupt, talentless, and unsupportive of his bandmates.

Oh, and also, anything good ever said him is due to NDAs and Jeff buying articles praising him. 🙄

#harry hate #fandom dynamics #no one is perfect #and all of them have likely had to make compromises #to be where they are #but for some reason Harry is the only one #who’s a bad person #sure Jan

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isa-ghost · 21 hours ago

Text

Wait a fucking minute

I FORGOT TO DO SOME HOUSEKEEPING AND CIRCLE UPDATE THINGS THAT WENT DOWN PRIOR TO THE 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

MOST NOTABLY:

YA BOY ODYSSEUS HAS JOINED THE CIRCLE.

So this is a weird and funny one tbh because as far as I'm aware, you don't typically practice witchcraft with heroes like him. It's usually deities, or entities like demons, angels, dragons, fae, etc. But obviously that's not what you're limited to.

As is probably predictable for a Criminally Late To Enjoying Greek Myth dumbass like me, it all started when I listened to EPIC the Musical. Originally it was just a devotional act for the other Greeks that hang out in my circle, but I started getting curious if I could actually talk to him (and Tiresias the Prophet but we'll get back to that).

After speaking to Apollo, Hermes, and Ares a couple times about how I could go about it and how it would go, the gist was basically to make a summoning spell for Ody and chat with him once it worked.

HOWEVER

Ares warned me very sternly that I could not talk to Odysseus and Tiresias in one go and it'd be a bad idea to have them in the same space, especially long term. Basically, it was just a lot of tension and it wouldn't be good for the altar, etc. Fair enough.

So we concluded I would reach out to Odysseus first, THEN Tiresias. At the time it was still basically just the desire to chat, give my admiration, and nothing more. If they wanted to stick around then they were more than welcome to, so long as the rest of the circle approved (and everyone Did give the go ahead, I asked ofc).

Unfortunately this all got derailed by some,,, really shitty life things blowing up in my face, but we got back to it around late January or early February (originally I had discussed this before Christmas). I had collected ingredients for Ody's spell like months prior, so one day when I wasn't feeling so mentally drained by The Horrors(tm) I spontaneously did the spell and spoke to Ody.

It went nice. :) I said everything I wanted to, asked him about his boundaries and set any of my own. He also said he REALLY appreciates what Jorge has done with EPIC, he loves it, especially how he's gone about portraying Penelope (and overall doing the women justice by adding nuance and complexity to them). :D

Anyway, he wanted some time to think about whether or not he wanted to stay when I gave him the option, as up until this point basically my whole circle had come to me first with a reason for staying. Ody had no such thing, so he told me to talk to him again in a week for an update. In the meantime, the spell bottle could sit on my altar and he'd be lurking.

And as far as Tiresias went, I asked Ody about what him coming around would mean. Basically, while there isn't any outward hostility between them, Odysseus just really doesn't wanna share a space with him (fair) and things would be really tense and uncomfortable, at least for him. He has Mixed Feelings about Tiresias but doesn't hate him. Understandable.

Ultimately I decided that if Ody wanted to stay, then that was fine and really Tiresias probably couldn't do a ton more with me than Apollo does already, so if either of the two were going to stay, it'd make more sense for it to be Odysseus. So at this point, whenever I finally talk to him, it'll be just to kinda say hi, tell him I think he's neat, and let him know that not only him but Any prophet of Apollo's is welcome to stop by the altar or deliver a message to me anytime. Haven't gotten around to summoning him to chat yet.

Now more on Ody.

A week later, I checked in as I was told to. He still didn't have his decision. Or more accurately, we later clarified he DID want to stay, but didn't have that reason to yet and he would only stay if he had one. Makes sense.

Progress on this front was slow-going because I was still (am still) dealing with grief, school obligations, etc. But eventually we (more like I) FINALLY reached the epiphany that *I* should have something *I* want him to work with me on. It's *my* practice after all, not his. He's just here to offer his guidance if that's what I want from him.

Which I eventually decided it was. It took me a while to decide on with what, but I got there. Up until this point, a mix of Mostly Apollo, Michael, and Hades were assisting me with family baggage related things, mostly with my dad (the primary suspect in the origin of my previous disdain for religion, bigots in general aside. Among other things my dad has done). Which was fine, but not necessarily something any of those three are particularly Known for representing. Michael would be the closest, considering he's my entire family's guardian angel.

Buuuut, Odysseus and I had a talk about basically building up a sort-of How To Honor Him type thing, since I'm pretty certain that doesn't really exist for him. This is what we decided on:

Pretty solid foundation to go off of. :) He very much wanted to focus on the family, romance, and perseverance parts, hence my final decision to have him help me with family matters, as well as partner related things. He 🤝🏻 Me -> I Fucking Love My Wife guys.

(Tangentially related to family and partners, he was VERY happy when I told him Penelope and Telemachus are just as welcome in the altar space as he is, if they're capable of showing up. :D)

So that's about where we're at. With Michael and perhaps Hades's help, he'll be the one helping me out with family issue type stuff. Healthy relationships and navigating healing from the past bullshit, more specifically. Haven't had an Incident that's required any special guidance yet, so I guess we'll see how that goes in the future.

But yeah. I successfully summoned, spoke to, and now work with Odysseus. :) An unexpected and interesting direction to take my practice in for sure, given it's not that common as far as I know.

Other than that, there's been some misc little developments here and there which can be summarized into the following:

Leviathan wants me to get in the habit of trying to lucid dream. He said he'd visit me in my dreams if I could do it.

Aphrodite has me on a big pink kick rn and I guess she's finally inflicting the same Femininity Healing Arc she threw my wife into. Very funny but very fun.

For Isa Lore Reasons I've HATED wearing yellow for practically my whole life, but I've been really itching to get some cute yellow stuff to wear for Apollo. So I guess that's something minor I never expected to have healed but am apparently having healed. Neat.

Michael is pretty quiet these days but he's part of the OG squad (aka I have lovingly forbidden him from leaving me). But he hangs out in my area in the form of a white pigeon. Which is really weird bc I don't Have pigeons in my neighborhood so idk where the fuck this guy came from. Pictures below.

Ares has been on/off a little more present, helping me use my temper for good and constructive things, basically. And trying to make me less insecure about it.

Hades has been spamming me with stuff about my dad relating to college and future education and won't stop /lh. He's also made it a lot easier for me to work through the aforementioned grief.

Hermes has been mega present since he joined and I don't know why I didn't expect that to the degree I should've. Apollo, Leviathan, and him are the 3 most vocal little shits in the circle.

Michael pictures:

And now the housekeeping shit I forgot about in previous entries or said incorrectly:

I didn't look into it enough but I probably should've said it's Hebrew mythology that Leviathan is known to represent Envy in. Or maybe this is semantics idk, but I figured I'd throw this out there.

It wasn't him I pissed off in Lake Michigan, that was Poseidon (and Odysseus said he was proud when I asked if he was). (Also gonna be real interesting when my wife and I finally move in together some day because guess who works with Poseidon while I work with Odysseus. Methinks I will be down a Greek one day /silly).

Also I meant to link my Apollo playlist aaaaages ago but didn't. And now you can have ALL of my existing devotional playlists, bc fuck it.

Anyway I thiiiiink that's housekeeping done. And just for consistency:

Ares said he's been hovering around me since I was born, so he's been around casually as long as Leviathan. Unsure of how true this is but I joke that it's because I'm an Aries.

Hades only started hovering when my wife told me I had an Anonymous Death Deity who'd show themselves after The New Year last year.

Aphrodite only started hovering around me when she started practicing with my wife. Soooo sometime last year I think?

Hermes started hanging around when Apollo once sent him to me to deliver a message on his behalf. Idfk why he did that other than I guess he thought I needed to hear the shit he was telling me from someone else other than him. Bc it's more believable if it comes from multiple sources? Idk. It was funny tho and Hermes has hung out ever since then. That was 2023.

Okay THAT should be the end of this update. Yeehaw big journal entry.

Hm ok not sure how to write this post but it's a fun thing and I've been wanting to gush about it for weeks. Uhhh

Achievement Unlocked: Finally found something that's pushed me closer to agnostic than atheist??

Basically, I was seeing an obnoxious, totally inexplicable amount of hawks and corvids in my area irl, especially whenever I was stressed. So I asked all my witchy friends about it (one was straight up born into a coven, it's fuckin sick 🤩) and they sent me some stuff those animals symbolize.

And then I asked about what deities/entities they're associated with. They sent me a short list, so I started looking into each one to see if I felt a strong pull to any of them. One of them was Apollo, the Greek God of [A Lot of Cool Shit]. Right away, I clicked with him. The god of truth, prophecy, healing, the arts. It's all stuff that matters a lot to me. I especially found it fascinating he's said to be a protector of the young, and I, a psych major, want to be a therapist of some sort (read: healer) specifically for teenagers. He's also Known for being incredibly bisexual, and even though I'm pan, my sexuality is still a huge part of me. And a lot of other things about him clicked with me too, both big things like my career goal and my identity, and small insignificant things like the fact that he's a Sun God and I'm a Fire Sign. There were way too many coincidences and connections I was making to myself while reading about him to just think nothing of it. Most damning of all, hawks and corvids are said to be his messengers. If that wasn't a "Hello Isa I've been trying to contact you about your car's extended warranty" moment, I don't know what is. So I said fuck it, I'm gonna give working with him the way my witchy friends work with their deities/entities a try.

It's been like three weeks now? And I haven't done much but I'm really happy about the concept of it all. I see hawks and crows a lot still, especially when I'm stressed or upset (One morning I was getting roadrage omw to school and I shit you not, I watched a hawk land on a street lamp and there was a crow sitting on the very next one. I couldn't help but laugh). I got myself a necklace with a crow on it because I don't really have a space to do formal practice type stuff. And last night I had my wife do a tarot reading for me, and the gist of it was "you have a budding relationship, it's a good thing and it'll help you, nurture it with all the creative freedom you like and be chill about it." Which is basically what I've already been doing.

But my favorite part of this wild ass development is that I realized while reading up on Apollo that my whole life I've thought of or spoke about something and then it either happened or something related to it would suddenly show up in my life right after. I don't believe in ✨️manifesting✨️ and holy shit I'm not calling myself psychic whatsoever, but this weird coincidence thing has been happening to me as long as I can remember and I've been noticing it even more after looking up Apollo, both irl and in my dreams. I think Apollo's dodgeball being my favorite Tumblr meme before this all happened to me is making a comedic amount of sense now.

I'm still pretty skeptical of most religious practices because I just. Am one of those people, I guess. And I had Catholicism shoved down my throat by my dad as a kid, AND I'm queer, so I have a Bad relationship with the concept of religion as it is. But this feels right, and it's fascinating to me, and the idea that these weird happenstances in my life could be a figure that represents several things that make up my core values and my identity trying to get my attention feels really touching. It feels like something wanted my attention so badly, and I've been happier since I gave it a chance.

TLDR: After consulting my witchy friends about some weird shit that keeps happening to me irl, I did some light research and figured out I feel a strong connection to the god Apollo. He represents a lot of things that matter to me and the concept has made me a lot happier recently. And I'm pretty sure he's given me minor dodgeball privileges. I'm finally invested in some form of religious practice, and best of all its one I kinda get to just make my own because it's not an organized one.

So if yall need a dodgeball thrown at something, maybe I got you. 👈🏻👀👈🏻

#apollo antics #long post #Spotify

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bladekindeyewear · 22 hours ago

Text

Light/Void and Ascent/Descent, Outward/Inward

I was helped in putting together something pretty huge this week, Aspect-ways. Sometimes lately, I've been chatting with Taz (aka optimisticDuelist, @utopianparadoxist) and we discuss or debate over character and Aspect interpretations, or they link me some interesting thoughts they've posted blogways or from a third party. This time we were discussing a post they made on Void's potential connection to Gravity and all its potential conflated meanings, such as Love pulling things together, which they based on analysis stemming from @lime-bloods's Void/Home association theoryposts -- I was skeptical of this Gravity interpretation, for reasons I'll go into later below the cut, but one of those reasons was I felt as if paired terms between Light and Void are important when solidifying the domains of each Aspect, and I couldn't think of one for Void's "Gravity" that had a Light equivalent. For example, recently I had the belated inspiration in terminology, for instance, that Light is "Location" where Void is "Dislocation", a perfect tie between Light's links to Maps and Landmarks contrasting it with Pumpkin-like "disconnectedness from spacetime" and ability to appear anywhere, which I quickly added to the Aspect Duality post in late February (I should add the edit date in on that).

And while we were tossing the idea around, we stumbled on another set of even MORE important paired Light/Void terms that made me do an acrobatic pirouette off the fucking handle. I got permission to paste the conversation:

BOOTS: otherwise there might be other aspects that better fit what's going on

((does Light "Push" where Void "Pulls"? could that be it? no, that sounds more like Breath and Blood…))

((actually that might be really important to Breath and Blood, shit! wind pushes forward/outward, chains pull in))

TAZ: I think its pretty fair to say that its a nebulous and abstract reading where a lot of the evidence is hard to parse, like I said at the end of the post I definitely still feel like I'm missing stuff about Void

And I also agree that other aspects have a lot of room to play in this space and overtake Void in readings, primarily Heart and Blood in this context

BOOTS: ((and the "inescapability" of black holes carried Blood associations with other inescapable things))

TAZ: Indeed

TAZ: But isn't that part of the nature of Void? To be a subtle force that falls into the backdrop and lets other things more visibly take over?

BOOTS: you could call that descending into the Ocean, into the abyss over a cliff, into irrelevance; it's Descent, but not necessarily Gravi---

AAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TAZ: Well this is exciting

BOOTS: LIGHT IS ASCENT, VOID IS DESCENT

TAZ: Yeah, I can see that

BOOTS: there are so many fucking associations across the comic and I'm remembering so many of them oh my god

And that Gravity is wrapped up in this association as everything is naturally PULLED DOWN. The rest of the conversation is under the Read More cut where we started listing out more than a dozen freakin' examples to each other that show how UTTERLY PERVASIVE a theme this has been throughout the entire goddamn comic, from the start right up to and including the very latest update of Beyond Canon. (Contains HS^2/Beyond Canon spoilers if you're coming here from elsewhere, stop reading here if you're not caught up to the 2025-03-26 update!)

EDIT: (Just a brief note I'm adding to this above the cut, but a Discord friend just gave me ANOTHER association to add to Light and Void: Outward vs Inward, Light's outward projection the pair to Void's inward gravity!!! Shining Stars versus Black Holes! Void's Inwardness finally brings together its metaphysical ties with Heart and how the latter often sits isolated in the Ocean of Void like Dirk's house, the natural inward-looking nature of Heart-- compared to the outward-facing nature of Mind and its façades, tying Light and Mind together like Vriska and Terezi!)

TAZ: It might almost apply as a broad division to the upper and lower halves of the wheel in general, actually?

BOOTS: even in this LAST update they go UP to enter Canon a black hole is always Down

TAZ: But I like it as Light and Void specifically right now, lets examine that

Yeah yeah BOOTS: Looking at Light almost always entails looking Up, looking down is usually staring into the Void, with the exception of Derse players staring out into the Ring

mainly abysses and oceans with looking down TAZ: Dirk's consumption by Ultself is described as him being subsumed into the Ocean/descending into its watery depths, while Rose outright says about hers "I am ascending, and it is terrible"

BOOTS: Rose begins her grimdark path by destroying her first (UPWARD) Gate and rocketing off elsewhere and of course she's the prime example shown off by the comic of the Descend-before-you-Ascend of role inversion

TAZ: And Heart is on the lower half of the wheel with Blood and across from Void. So maybe there's something there

mmmhmm, mmhmm

BOOTS: it's been said even in like, Andrew's commentary outside the comic, that "Skaia is always Up"

it's never shown setting

TAZ: And of course they shoot the meteor Up towards the Green Sun

BOOTS: and the trolls see the creation-splosion of the green sun Up to direct them in Cascade--

yeah, exactly [what you said]

TAZ: Terezi's looking slightly Upwards as she remem8er's Vriska in [S] Remem8er

(Vriska) and (Terezi) staring Up into the Light of paradox space breaking

it really is all over the place, huh

for that matter, (Vriska) and Meenah looking Up into the fireworks as (Vriska) comes to the true realizations she does about how miserable it is to live the way Vriska and Lord English live

BOOTS: going against your hero role, Descending, is so often denying your true self agency and straying away from philosophical Truth-- after which comes the Ascent where you find and accept yourself

oh and by going into what's been constantly called HELL inside the Plot Point and then emerging out stronger, Vriska "descended" ala Dante's Inferno and then Ascended out of it

TAZ: indeed! indeed

Oh! Dirk and Hal's conversation on the rooftop!

Dirk sits on the side of his home and is literally staring down at both a long plummet/implied s*****e and literally into his Shades/his own Self

BOOTS: hell, if you wanted to make a pun of any love association, instead of gravity you could call it falling in love!

There's just SO MUCH MORE to this, so many examples of Light and importance and enlightenment and Skaia's philosophical truth being UP or involving ascent, where anything that drops or falls DOWN into the water or off cliffs becomes dislocated and its relevance unknown until it might eventually perhaps resurface unpredictably elsewhere. Tavros being driven down off a cliff by the Thief of Light to break his legs and stunt the playful drive he needed to become a fully realized Page of Breath, Aranea's snapped-neck body being dropped into the flames to fade into such irrelevance that she never surfaced post-Retcon, Vriska stealing all the luck/Light from the enemy creature in the first Meteor walkaround and it falling into a collapsing dark pit, so many people always going UP to reach concrete destinations, Roxy and others crashing DOWN through fenestrated windows and falling to reach the Furthest Ring, and of course there's always the Jung psychology stuff that was woven into Sburb (as I've reiterated in the past) and an essential metaphor for Descending into your shadow and Ascending from it to merge your shadow self with your conscious self for true self-acceptance and balance, like Vriska just did in the Plot Point, like the normal Quest Bed method of attaining God-Tier merging the Real and Dream selves and everyone looking Upward to see John RISE UP and achieve ascension: (From an older edit of the Wikipedia page for the Jungian Shadow--)

Nevertheless, Jung remained of the opinion that while “no one should deny the danger of the descent […] every descent is followed by an ascent”, and assimilation of—rather than possession by—the shadow becomes a possibility.

“We begin to travel [up] through the healing spirals…straight up.”

As I've said before, the game IS the psychotheraputic journey from start to finish, complete with the same monumental challenges, pitfalls, rejection and acceptance (of help and of oneself!) that all sorts of different people must confront in order to simultaneously fully appreciate and become themselves, and also become the people they truly want to be. Skaia's Light and the path it guides players on thus represents a journey to one's philosophical enlightenment about oneself, their ASCENT, and the challenges and misleading dejection that causes them to reject this journey and fight against their natures is DESCENT, so often involving the Horrorterrors who embody the essence of Void in nature and motive.

Gosh when you think of all the times "UP" or "DOWN" has been the focus of major or even offhand scenes or panels, there's just SO MUCH that fits them into Light and Void respectively. I couldn't possibly begin to list all the examples, you're probably noticing more in your mind as you read this post.

I'm going to integrate this Ascent/Descent meaning into the Aspect Duality post's sections on Light and Void, and link this post there, but before we finish I wanna delve into the potential Gravitation meaning of Void that optimisticDuelist brought up and reasons I might agree or be skeptical of the ties drawn in their post... especially stemming from this Rose quote they included:

That seems to tie Void pretty inarguably to Gravitation, or perhaps the vacuum pull of nothingness, but because I didn't have a clear counter-meaning in Light I wanted to look up the full context of this quote when I made this post... (readmspa.org is a very useful tool while Homestuck.com is down and mimics the old manual search function)--

ROSE: Or what about, the tale of Isaac Newdon under the tree?? He was BONKED on the head by an apple. ROSE: Not reallyan apple though… an atomic idea. An emlemental unit of inspripation itself, id clocked him right on then noggin. ROSE: And this indivisible notion colliding with hish awareness, much like.. . a high speed partical fired to create a nuculear chain reacation, jarred from the void a more profund unnerstand, HIC, ing of the intrinsic nature of nothiness. Thatis,. Gravivitation. ROSE: Of course thess stories are acutually bullshit. They didn't happen in realaity. But thef act that they'rare bullshit makes them more inshresting. ROSE: Men have crefted many stories that are bullshit out of symbols risen from the abyss of coinsciousness withou necesharily knowing whath e fuck they were doing or saying, as they flounered around for some truth. ROSE: Bust in spite of themseleves they would for howefer briefly cross through a ray of light regarless. Becuss of the sbymbols. Dave.. The symbols hol dall the power.

Taz also mentioned that a commenter in their server pointed out that this Gravitation quote and the reference to a high-speed particle collider could also be an intentional reference by Andrew to the Graviton, the theoretical elementary particle responsible for mass and its gravitational force that has so far not been detected/discovered yet, remaining obscured (Void) compared to the particles tied to the other elemental forces.

Black Holes ALWAYS had strong ties to Void, the ultimate sinks for the destruction of information, ultimate darkness, (ultimate Down/descent), the compression of all meaning and separation into a melange forever irrelevant to the rest of Reality beyond one's Event Horizon (thanks @sagaciouscejai for the reminder). And in the Epilogues forward, "Non-Canon" belongs to the great Black Hole and everything that falls nigh-inescapably into it-- as opposed to Canon's comparative association with Light and story importance. But, hm... if Void is "down" and "descent" and the "abyss of [Jung's collective] consciousness", to what extent is it important as "Gravity" specifically, as well? Or is that just tied to the fundamental concept of "down" in the comic's metaphysical framework? Taz mentioned Dirk linked to gravitation to tidal forces too, hence the Ocean which is Void-linked. Does Gravity have a balancing opposite in Light that I can put into keywords besides "Up/Down" or "Ascent/Descent"? And if it DOESN'T have a balancing concept in Light... could Gravitation be part of Void's tie to Space that explains them as neighbors, a shared domain that Space and Void might possess?

In the end I think I'm positive toward Rose's speech and the fact of Black Holes (as well as "DOWN/DESCENT") establishing a definite tie between Gravity and Void, but where I'd disagree with Taz is how over the rest of their original post they pointed to "succumbing" to toxic influences and generational trauma as a sort of Gravity, which I'd disagree with and say has more to do with Void's existing and known "submission and divestment of agency" associations, as well as Centrality coming from it (which I'd have to reconcile with Light's "Location" meaning) not quite adding up for me, and Love as stemming from Gravity which I really don't think has enough in-comic evidence tying the two together. If we eventually deduce that Love has some Void associations-- and the Void characters we've met have certainly been more than a little Love-obsessed at times-- I expect that any association would have to stem from Void's other established meanings such as the submission of agency required by a relationship as opposed to making all the decisions yourself (Light's agency) and hogging the spotlight, like the contrast between Vriska and (Vriska) toward the end of Homestuck proper. There's more to lime-bloods's post that I haven't given enough thinking time to, like Voids always being the central seeding-place for new creation like a Womb, which would ALSO explain its proximity to Space on the official wheel... but, yeah. Those are all my in-progress thoughts on that for the moment, anyway. ((EDIT: "Outward vs Inward" like I mentioned above the cut finally completes the Gravity association!))

I'm still blown away by how clearly Light and Void can mean "UP and "DOWN", can mean "ASCENT" and "DESCENT", that's... just such a blindingly stunning revelation for us to have come to so late, IMO. I bet there's half a dozen theorists out there who put it together AGES sooner and I just never saw their posts. Wow. :D

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #Homestuck^2 #upd8 #spoiler #spoilers #Light and Void #Homestuck Theories #Homestuck Theory #Classes and Aspects #Aspect Duality #optimisticDuelist #utopianParadoxist #lime-bloods #Heart and Mind #sagaciouscejai

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acurlyhobbit · 3 days ago

Text

I'm not sure if this will land anywhere or not. As a disclaimer I'm a fan of the show first, shipper second.

The thing I see a lot of, when it comes to people who are very anti buddie, or anti bucktommy, or anti anything in this fandom, are two things...

1. They really love to pull from the real life side of things.

2. They like to be mean.

Point 1 + sprinkles of point 2 –

"this actor said or this actor didn't say, or this extra or that extra said yadada.

This writer said such, or the subtext!!!

The subtext!!"

- this is sort of wild to me when it comes to shipping??

Because I've been around a while.

In and out and around so many fandoms for a good 17 years.

Shipping two characters together that have never even had a scene together, or who weren't even in the same universe, was and is still very common?

So the fact there are people in this fandom that hate on a ship so much because "insert inane reason here" is like so laughable?

And the discourse on the *actuality* of the ship means diddlysquat?

Like buddie fans are hopeful because there happens to be room for hope.

Bucktommy fans are hopeful because *checks notes and sighs* there happens to be room for hope.

Why, other than wanting to feel superior, would you spend all your time and energy into hating a ship and it's group of fans?

Like instead of rooting for something that would be so crazy amazing to witness and be present for, they would rather demean people who see the possibility of a ship becoming canon/a ship staying canon?

I'm saying we have the freedom to not ship the same thing, and if you can't handle people disagreeing with your ship we have a lovely ability to use the block button or flag tags.

I'm not a personal fan of bucktommy or buddietommy, but those guys are allowed to like their ship and have a space to ship it on this site.

I might make a post about how I think that particular ship was doomed from the start, or reblog a post that talks about why Tommy is a character I can't relate to/dislike, but I would never spend hours of my time trying to make them feel like absolute shit for liking the ship they like, or wanting it to stick around.

When they got that hookup scene most recently I was like "the bucktommys are gonna lose their minds!".

And like, that was that?

But instead we have these massive sections of the fandom that just spend what feels like all their time spiting and cursing at each other??

And they mean it? Like they want to make other human beings on this platform hurt and it's disgusting to see.

I don't know I just find it really sad.

That's it, that's the post.

#911 abc #evan buckley #buddie #eddie diaz #shipping discourse #bucktommy #buddietommy #tommy kinard #kind of sad to see how shitty people are #like wow some of yall need fucking therapy #and learn how to treat people like people and not just urls #was asked very politely to add #anti bucktommy #to the list of tags #i gotchu boo

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dimitriblunt · 2 days ago

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okay. so if we were take the incident at the grove with the black tide to be like the disaster in nagazora.......

"i'll also try to... heal the world."

what if he actually Did pursue medicine before becoming a sage himself and founding nousporist?

with what the livestream mentioned about anaxa, he's trying to uncover the ultimate truth to amphoreus. using his chance with cerces as merely something akin to a stepping stone in his path to said truth, even if it doesn't align with his beliefs or ideals - because he doesn't care for that. doesn't care if people shun him out for being a heretic or bizarre.

adding a line now because i am once again talking A Lot

su is Still alive. spiritually rather than physically, and has been playing chess or whatever with an unknown entity.

user dimitriblunt will begin to sound a little insane now; imagine if anaxa is literally just Su. like flat out. and somehow, someway, he's turned into anaxa and got shipped off to amphoreus or something. there have been theories that this entity is actually nous, aeon of erudition. that wouullld tie into nousporist - if we were to look at this from a "amphoreus is cut off from the rest of the cosmos and doesnt know about the aeons" type of way. like, aside from the Actual anaxagoras and not-the-aeon nous. because yeah, that makes sense with his character since he is literally based off of the guy. and it would also give at least SOME context as to why anaxa's ultimate looks suspiciously like the dimension su entered at the end of his physical death (that is, IF the entity su got roped into playing games with was actually nous the erudition. which to be honest, i would hope so but that hope is very small)

as cool as that would be, yet still farfetched, i do think this is just another parallel to su, rather than him legit being su. the real su is still likely playing games in that dimension since we don't have any updates on how he is currently, other than him just being spiritually alive. anaxa would likely already know the fundamental truths beyond amphoreus, too

parallel to su, in the sense that yeah. maybe anaxa also got roped into some weird ass dimension at one point. perhaps when he pulled that "inverted horizon" hsr equivalent and sealed the black tide creations in the grove away, giving away his soul to warn others, and died physically, then got brought back to life by cerces. which perhaps would sort of explain why his body is so???? voidlike????? and cracking as if some porcelain doll. rather than just his actual corpse, william afton fnaf style or whatever

much like how the entity had told su, if you can win against me, then i will tell you what you want to know - cerces told anaxa if he could help them figure out the truth to the "what exactly are we?" question, then they would return willingly return his body and dissipate. so perhaps his void-dimension-like body is a result of cerces implanting the coreflame into him; like a result of them sharing his body for now, that dimension is the common mortal plane for them to converse

and anaxa seems highly confident he can uncover it soon, despite the encroaching (second???) end he'll face soon because his body is decaying

taking me to this lovely post, which talks about a small theory regarding anaxa potentially holding the truth of amphoreus inside of him.

perhaps it's possible that when he does uncover the truth, likely while he does the trial of reason, it WILL be inside of him. he'll have the answers for himself; the truth of amphoreus, and what that means for humanity there

#ive been making this post since i woke up and saw the livestream. ive had other things to do BUT PHEW i can finally share my thoughts now #this is also kinda killing me. (<- when isnt it though)#because (and you guessed it. we're talking about second key again.) phainon and kephale's connections #with anaxa and cerces connections. kephale and how they created the world. cerces and how they are trying to understand Why.#kevin making the choice to initiate stigma even when like 99.9% of humanity could be wiped out in the process. su trying to understand Why-#-he would make such a choice when humanity is the very thing they are trying to protect #opposites.... parallels.............. aaauauugghhhhhhjjj head in my hands.#i need a lore/theory tag.#mya's thinking time #is tgat cool enough. Okay whatever #hsr #honkai star rail #anaxa #amphoreus #cerces #honkai star rail 3.2 #hsr 3.2

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grapejuice32 · 1 day ago

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How they met

JJ x angel!reader

more angel!reader here main masterlist here

word count: 1.2k a/n: requests are open <3

You’d been having a bad day and really couldn’t find the energy to cook for yourself. So, you’d dragged yourself out of the house to take yourself out to lunch, it was daunting, but you didn’t know what else to do. The wreck was where you’d ended up, though you weren’t entirely sure why. You sat in the corner of the restaurant, sipping on a drink. It was around the time that you grew close to the finishing your drink that a group of people, who looked around your age, walked in. You were instantly drawn to the boy with the blonde hair, he was wearing a t-shirt that had the sleeves cut off, leaving you to see a lot of his toned stomach.

But you mustn’t have been as subtle at admiring him as you thought, because before you knew it, he was approaching you, his friends grinning at each other as they watched. You looked back down at the table, as of looking away from him would stop him on his path towards you. “Hey,” came his voice, sending shivers down your spine as you looked up at him, your eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

“Um, hi.” You sounded more awkward than he did, making it quite clear that you’d never done this before, while he clearly had.

He sent you a charming smile that would’ve made your knees weak had you been standing, “I’m JJ.”

“Hi,” you said again, instantly regretting it as you saw the amused look on his face. “Sorry,” you winced, trying to avoid hiding your face in your hands and introduced yourself. He repeated your name, and you couldn’t help the light blush that formed at the way he said your name.

“Can I sit?” He asked, the question taking you completely off guard, not used to having much company.

“Oh, um,” you swallowed thickly, unable to help feeling anxious, “what about your friends?” But he just shrugged, as if to say that they weren’t that important at that moment in time. So, you gestured to open seat next to you for him to sit in, which he did with great enthusiasm.

“I’ve not really seen you around before,” was the first thing he said, unable to help himself, “I’ve heard plenty though.” You just laughed nervously, very aware of the sorts of rumours people spread about you and how much they loved to gossip. You couldn’t help but wonder if he was just talking to you to try and find out if they were true, or to just make fun of you. You could see his friends still looking in the direction of the two of you and that only increased your overthinking about the situation, wondering if he was sent here as a dare or something. “I don’t believe any of it, of course.” He was quick to reassure when he saw the way your face noticeably dropped, “Apart from the ones that say you’re beautiful.” That instantly had you blushing, looking down at your lap to try and conceal your quickly growing smile. Yet he still continued to speak, he was enjoying how nervous you were getting, “but even they were kinda wrong,” but he didn’t give you a chance to get upset as he elaborated, “they didn’t do you any sort of justice. I mean, shit, you look like an angel.”

“You don’t mean that,” you laughed, shaking your head as you looked up from your lap, your eyes meeting his blue ones.

“Damn right I do,” he insisted, then looked at the contents on your table, pretending as if he hadn’t already taken it all in on his way over to speak to you. “You here on your own?”

“Yeah, think I needed to get out of the house for a bit,” you mumbled bashfully.

He hummed, nodding along to your words, “Well I for one am glad you did.”

“You are?” you asked, wishing you didn’t sound so pathetically insecure.

“Mhm,” he seemed so certain, and it made you feel all giddy inside, “wouldn’t have gotten the pleasure of speaking to you otherwise.”

Your body grew increasingly heated as the two of you continued to speak, all sorts of emotions running through you. Just as you sipped from your drink, finishing it off, he spoke again, “Can I take you out sometime?” You choked on your drink and place a hand on your chest as you swallowed it. “What’s wrong? Do you not wanna?”

“No, I do, I do,” you assured, and he had to withhold a chuckle at the quickened speed you spoke at.

“Then what’s wrong?” He was still curious, he wanted to know why you seemed so taken aback by his question.

“I’ve just,” you sighed, the embarrassment of what you were about to say instantly flooding you, “I’ve never been on a date before.”

“Seriously?” He sounded shocked and you weren’t sure why. You nodded, feeling your face go red at having admitted it. “But why?”

“I-I’m awkward, I never leave my house, I was homeschooled and the whole island thinks I’m insane.” You listed, everything you said was a plain truth and you both knew it.

“Well, I don’t think you’re insane.” He said, hoping it would bring you some kind of reassurance.

“Yet.” Was what you found yourself saying, making you slump in your seat, you really weren’t helping yourself. But he ignored the statement, and instead repeated his earlier question. You bit your lip as you thought about it for a moment, your brain once again running through all the things that could go wrong, nevertheless you said “Okay.” Maybe you’d regret it, but you really hoped you wouldn’t. After all, he was devastatingly handsome, he was really nice from what you’d seen so far and that seemed like enough pros to you to out rule the ridiculous cons you tried to find.

“Can I have your number?” He asked, a triumphant grin on his face at your agreement.

“Oh, uh, yea-” you began to say as you reached to find your phone in your bag, only for him to cut you off.

“Hey, how about we ditch and go out now?”

“Really?” you asked feeling slightly surprised, you hadn’t thought he’d want to go out so soon.

“Yeah, c’mon, we’ll go to the beach or something,” he nodded as he stood up and reached a hand out to you. Smiling, you put some money on the table to cover your drink and stood up but didn’t take his hand, so instead he placed it on the small of your back, looking down at you to make sure you were okay with it, which you were. He led you out of the now bustling restaurant, briefly waving to his friends over his shoulder as you left. The two of you left the restaurant, the warmth from the setting sun instantly hitting the two of you, warming up your skin that peaked out of your clothes, a giddy feeling blooming in your chest.

#rachel writes <3 #grapejuice32 #pope x angel!reader #jj x angel!reader #obx #outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj x you #jj x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank smut #jj maybank imagine #jj smut #outer banks fanfiction #obx smut #outer banks smut

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chaos-of-the-abyss · 2 days ago

Note

Sorry if this seems like a random question, but what's your take on Sauron's alleged repentance during the First Age after Morgoth's fall? Do you think it was genuine?

don't apologize anon! i might not talk about sauron as much as i do other characters but i am happy to talk about him. actually i'm glad you sent me this ask because i've been meaning to make a post like this, and you just gave me the perfect excuse <3

i first want to say that i am not a sauron "expert", so to speak. i have read only snippets of the supplementary material on him, and while i love him, he and the periods he's most active in are not my main focus when engaging with the verse. that said, i think his repentance was more genuine than he's given credit for. which is still not very genuine -- but i don't think it was wholly predicated on only his fear of the consequences of his actions and nothing more, which from my experience is... a common enough take, i guess i should call it?

we get this passage in the silm:

When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë, the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not within the power of Eönwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation and to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.

and then in letter 131, tolkien writes:

[Sauron] repents in fear when the First Enemy is utterly defeated, but in the end does not do as was commanded, return to the judgement of the gods. He lingers in Middle-earth. Very slowly, beginning with fair motives: the reorganising and rehabilitation of the ruin of Middle-earth, ‘neglected by the gods’, he becomes a reincarnation of Evil, and a thing lusting for Complete Power – and so consumed ever more fiercely with hate (especially of gods and Elves). Sauron was of course not 'evil' in origin. He was a 'spirit' corrupted by the Prime Dark Lord (the Prime sub-creative Rebel) Morgoth. He was given an opportunity of repentance, when Morgoth was overcome, but could not face the humiliation of recantation, and suing for pardon; and so his temporary turn to good and 'benevolence' ended in a greater relapse, until he became the main representative of Evil of later ages.

lots of interesting things going on here. first of all, sauron does repent, but tolkien head-on asserts that he does so out of fear. and, crucially, despite perhaps feeling bad for his actions, he is too proud to return to valinor and receive a sentence; he is too proud to cast himself into the mercy of someone else. which is one of the most important parts of genuine repentance imo -- the "i was wrong, i'm sorry, and i'm willing and prepared to receive your sentence for me." so in that vein, sauron's repentance isn't sincere. it most certainly isn't the kind of wholehearted remorse that would strongly motivate him to work on becoming a better person.

however, it is also explicitly stated in the letter that he did have some good intentions when he stayed in middle earth. he does have a "temporary turn to good and 'benevolence'", and judging from the phrasing "reorganising and rehabilitation of the ruin of middle-earth," my conclusion is that he seems to have thought that the place was a mess and he could fix it up, which is in line with what we know about his personality. in other words, at this point he genuinely wanted to make the world better. that, to me, demonstrates that while he doesn't go all the way in his repentance, he does have some qualms about his previous actions. now whether these qualms are moral -- i.e. he hurt a lot of people, he feels bad and he's going to stop -- or practical -- i.e. this did not give him the results he wanted, he's quitting -- i'll get into a bit later. for now suffice to repeat that i believe his renouncement of his actions in front of eonwe is not only out of fear and nothing else. he's not thinking "i stand by everything i did, but i don't want to get in more trouble so i'll act sorry," he's thinking "okay, i recognize that what i've been doing up until now was a poor way of going about things."

so. imo sauron at this point between the first and second ages was caught in an in-between of sorts of: while he's not willing to bear himself to another person's judgment, he does see that morgoth's actions were harmful and not as in-line with what he wanted as he thought they would be. and i do think, once having realized that, sauron casts off morgoth completely. hereafter he no longer considers himself to be in his service. off the top of my head, sauron's invocation of morgoth when establishing the cult of melkor during his tenure in numenor was explicitly done out of pragmatism, not out of any continued reverence and fealty to the man. regarding it, tolkien says this:

His cunning motive is probably best expressed thus. To wean one of the God-fearing from their allegiances it is best to propound another unseen object of allegiance and another hope of benefits; propound to him a Lord who will sanction what he desires and not forbid it. Sauron, apparently a defeated rival for world-power, now a mere hostage, can hardly propound himself; but as the former servant and disciple of Melkor, the worship of Melkor will raise him from hostage to high priest.

in other words, sauron founded a cult to melkor of all people specifically to elevate his own status in the eyes of the numenoreans as melkor's right hand during the first age, wherein melkor tenured as the ruling dark lord. he does not do it because he still reveres morgoth and wants people to worship him. granted, those things aren't mutually exclusive, but with the way tolkien phrases sauron's intentions here, as a "cunning motive," i'm inclined to think his aim to elevate himself in the eyes of the numenoreans was far and away his driving motivation.

this separation from his former position as morgoth's servant is why i say i think his recantation at the end of the first age was genuine, but it was always more practical than moral in terms of motivations. he does renounce his past actions as morgoth's servant, and he does so with sincerity -- but this is not because he repents them in the purest sense, but rather because he's determined that morgoth's mode of operation was incompatible with his own aims of efficiency and organization. and these aims, mind you, are the very reason he followed morgoth in the first place:

[Sauron] still had the relics of positive purposes, that descended from the good of the nature in which he began: it had been his virtue (and therefore also the cause of his fall, and of his relapse) that he loved order and coordination, and disliked all confusion and wasteful friction. (It was the apparent will and power of Melkor to effect his designs quickly and masterfully that had first attracted Sauron to him.)

sauron was attracted to morgoth because he perceived how morgoth's power enabled him to enforce the "order and coordination" that he loved, and eliminate the "confusion and wasteful friction" that he disliked. but morgoth by the end of the first age is in what tolkien described as a "stage of nihilistic madness" -- he hates the existence of the world itself and wants to destroy it. that is not what sauron initially and for much of his story wants; in fact it's quite incompatible with what sauron initially and for much of his story wants. and i think after seeing morgoth's second defeat, sauron becomes fully cognizant of just how contradictory to his goals following morgoth was, and that's the crux that drives his repentance. so there's more to it than just fear of what the armies of valinor will do to him if he acts otherwise, but it's not true remorse or regret. he does genuinely repent his servitude to morgoth, but only because he believes it ultimately hindered his own ends.

also, if you'll let me go on a tanget here, anon -- referring to the quote from letter 131, i find it fascinating that tolkien puts emphasis on sauron's greater wickedness after his failed chance at repentance. initially sauron serves morgoth and in doing so is deemed less evil than him, if only for the sole reason that he is in service to somebody else and not himself. the statement with "his temporary turn to good and 'benevolence' ended in a greater relapse, until he became the main representative of Evil of later ages" is that he becomes worse. he becomes even more evil than he was previously under morgoth, because he's taken on the attitude that morgoth had when he rebelled against eru: the attitude "i know best, and i can do whatever i want with the world, because the world would be at its greatest under me." and at that point he's no longer subservient to morgoth; whatever he's doing, he's doing it now for himself and himself only. this is another thing that makes me believe that sauron after the first age ceases to consider himself morgoth's servant, ceases to consider morgoth his lord, and instead considers himself an ultimate authority unto himself, the same way morgoth was before his defeat and banishment to the void. tolkien believed that one of the worst things you can do is impose your will on other people because you believe that your vision, your direction, your knowledge, your worth, is superior to everyone else's. in doing precisely that, sauron becomes an ultimate evil in his own right, not an instrument of morgoth's. which again goes back to my perspective on his split with morgoth and how it informs the sincerity of his repentance.

tldr: sauron's repentance was far from genuine, but not entirely insincere either. he has a redemption arc imo, but it's a failed one. which i think is unique! it's probably one of the most engaging things about his character to me

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