#i mean i cry a lot in general but today is next level

[neondiamond]

.

[simplydnp]

I thought they'd already used a red heart on twitter?

yes, anon, you are correct. it was a birthday tweet from dan to phil.

at the time... whew. it was a lot. universe shifting. rules being rewritten. it was a big deal. thing is, birthday tweets between the two of them have always pushed the line of sappy, and, generally, we let it slide. we didn't want them to ever stop the sweet birthday tweets. cause they're not really just for them, they're also for us. and, for me at least, it was always a little bit like... birthdays are private yknow? it's their things. so even though we went wild over the heart, there's plausible deniability there; it's a birthday tweet. they almost exist in a vacuum--never talked about by them after it happens. it absolutely set the tone for the year, even if we didn't know how much at the time.

but this, today? oh boy. oh god. alright.

they're both wild. but this is another level. firstly, phil's tweet. that is an extremely public declaration from one phil 'i dont cry' lester. he hardly ever shares those moments and experiences with us, so admitting it at all was like wow okay this is serious. the attempt to downplay the emotions but also hit harder with 'danny' like an overly fond nickname can save it. catastrophic. phil tends to keep all that close to his chest. but instead, he chose to broadcast it for all of us. he could've told dan (who was absolutely sat next to him) this. and i bet he did. but i bet he also needed people to know. everyone to know. as he posted it to both twitter and youtube.

and then dan. self-admittedly bad at taking compliments. known for talking extensively. always down to snark/self-depricate. replies with a heart.

no minced words. no disregarding praise. and not even a black one like he usually does. it's orange. on theme and in our face! the next closest colour to red.

he didn't have to say anything. but we once again find ourselves witnessing another intentionally public response. specifically chosen.

what does it mean? ask them. but it's fucking loud.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading TGCF: Chapter Four

For those who don't know, I am reading TGCF for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag Bloopitynoot reads TGCF. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read BUT if you followed along with my SVSSS read, the rules and vibe are the same.

I have been obsessed with the masala chai kit my partner got me for Christmas, so I'm back with the chai today; it's just so creamy and spicy, I love it.

I will give a heads up now that I am not sure if I will have chapters this weekend. My partner and I are going up to visit her family and I don't think I'll have the time to read and post. So lots of advanced warning there will be a small gap in posts later this week!

Let's go chapter 4!

These titles are getting to me; so long. I mean, they are very accurate, but so wordy LOL.

This is so funny. Xiao-Ying: I'm a real person! I put you (Xie Lian) in drag! Everyone else: what an abnormal man with queer hobbies. p104

This is so annoying. they literally told these fools explicitly NOT to do one thing. I do hope Xiao-Pengtou dies because OMG, the audacity of this man. p105

and now this guy wants to profit off of the bride's deaths. So shameful! p107

barf, barf, barf. Now they are ranking the DEAD women's looks and daring each other to assault to corpses. Ew. Why are cis straight men. p108

Oh. I've made it to the forest of hanging corpses. Love that. p110

I love how chill they are seeing the corpse forest. like, "ah, that's the Green Ghost, he likes corpse forests. He's just about a supreme. Better leave him be." p110

The ANTICIPATION! The fact that Fu Yao is scared of the butterflies. WHAT ARE YOU?!?!??! p112.

My heart for this bandaged boy! I don't know who he is, but he feels like a bullied little guy and I just want to hug him and make him soup. p114

Good. They finally shut Xiao-Pengtou up. p115

This is like a fuck-ton of powerful entities on this mountain. We've got a wrath level, near supreme, and then butterfly boy who isn't even on the level system he's so powerful. What karma does town owe, like damn! p117

and the Ghost Groom was there the whole time! Sneaky bride #18 p118

What a sweet boy; Xie Lian apologizing to the corpse bride's before having them fight each other p120

Xiao-Ying is too nice! I would have just left Xiao-Pengtou where he was. fuck that guy. p121

Xia-Lian really showing up to work with his auto-pilot customer service voice, "Thank you, thank you. Please support my act with money if you have the means, or with applause if you haven't...what?!" p122

ofc the spiritual energy runs out when you are about to get the most important bit of information. p124

oh man. I kind of feel bad for the Ghost Bride. Her shitty story and cheating lover. That's a rough go. p126

This is what I'm saying! They should not have saved Xiao-Pengtou. Look at the problems this vile man is causing now. p129

I'm not even going to give xiao-pengtou an RIP. He was the worst kind of person. He got the day he deserved. p130.

Rouye out here literally doing the Lord's work. Bless that feisty string for saving our boys life again. p132

Fuck. I'm crying about Xiao-Ying. Damnit. I knew she was going to die because I liked her character. :((((( p134

OMG. Two General Pei's . 137

Okay I take everythign back about the Ghost Bride. She's so dramatic LOL. She even broke her own legs too??? Dang. What an intense woman. p139

Another cliff hanger! My next bet is that maybe the bandage boy is the Green Ghost????? p143 (don't actually tell me lol).

RIP My Girl

This was a banger of a chapter. I am so sad about Xiao-Ying though, I really liked her headstrong character.

Also in this chapter; if I had taken a shot for every time I had murder thoughts about XIao-Pengtou I would have surely been deceased. Glad that death happened though. Big oof on the most unlikeable character since Jin Guangshit.

[yourlocalartsonist]

MFIP (and life) UPDATE✨✨

1/13/25 | Update 3 | Next Update | Last Update

Oh-ho-ho notice how I didn’t have “monthly” in the title this time~ Yeah, we’re not doing these that frequently anymore. I realized I have a lot going on, and MFIP doesn’t really have progress done every single month; I’m writing a fic, so it’s even harder to show progress without spoiling shit honestly, and I don’t make a new art piece every month. I’m still gonna be doing these updates, though! They’ll happen every 3-4 months—not including hiatuses—so I’ll actually have stuff to share with you guys and not have to worry about scraping for dimes.

Anywhizzle, today’s update is gonna be a long boi, and I wanted to just yap about what was going on this semester in general. I know I shouldn’t be feeling guilty for not working on the fic as much as I wanted to, but I still wanna give you guys an explanation as to why I randomly disappeared for a good few months. Unlike what I usually do however, Imma start with the life bullshit this time instead having it at the end. We’ll get to the actual progress update afterwards, and boy oh boy was progress made. So strap in for the ride folks!

Now Presenting: “What The Fuck Happened To You⁉️”

Okay, so, I’m a little bit of a dumbass—

Dudes if any of you are gonna start college or are currently in college, please think twice before making the same mistake as me. Last semester during the fall, my teeny tiny little apeshit brain thought it would be a good idea to enroll in six courses, four of which are online.

“I can handle it!” I thought, “How bad could it be~” And much like the Onceler, I got motherfucking humbled.

See, I dunno if it’s different anywhere else but for my college, online classes typically mean you get a fresh new load of work to do and hand in every week. Two of the classes my little Einstein heart enrolled for AS ELECTIVES were Criminal Justice and Creative Writing. Ya know! For fun! It’s not like I was enrolled in Calculus Level 2 and the Calc 2 Lab Class for my career requirements at the same time as those or anything—Oh, wait.

Anyways, me being the little genius I was thought that wasn’t enough, and enrolled in two more elective classes. To give myself some credit, one of those classes was Geography which would be a very easy grade. To immediately take that credit back, the other class was Physics: Energy and Environment literally because they wouldn’t let me enroll in an actual Physics class until the Spring semester and my moronic ass was impatient, so gave myself a supplement💀

As you can probably tell, I had massive regrets lmao. The workload was extremely hefty considering both Creative Writing and Criminal Justice had a LOT of reading and writing; both classes would have around 3-4 assignments due for each class at the end of the week. The Physics class took place hella late in the day twice a week, so I’d have to get all that work done before that class started ‘cause I’d be way too exhausted to do anything afterwards.

It was a living hell.

I was working on studying and homework almost every single day for hours on end. Being real with y’all, it added to a lot of stress and irritation, and admittedly a few breakdowns where I legitimately had to just cry to relieve the stress. It’s why I hope no poor soul bites off more than they can chew in a moment of overconfidence or just poor judgement the way I did ‘cause man that semester was so rough. I actually love college too, so getting me to dread it meant I def fucked up with choosing classes. Needless to say, I barely got to work on MFIP for four months. Progress was slow, if any at all.

I’ve talked about this before too, but my mom’s a breast cancer survivor and I’m an only child. Since my dad’s the sole breadwinner, I’m the only one who can take care of my mom. AKA on top of all the pressure from college, I had to manage doctor appointment after doctor appointment, and it only adds up to more chaos as more doctors have to get involved.

BUT HEY!

I got through it in the end! And without withdrawing from any of my classes or getting a low grade! So the torture is thankfully over and I now know to literally never do that again for as long as I live— Now that it’s winter break though… 👀

🎉CONTENT TIME BABYYYYYYY🎉

So the good news of all of this is once winter break hit I uhhhhh got silly.

DUDES you won’t believe the sheer level of fucking insanity that took place once I was finally able to finish this semester, go on break, and actually write. I uh…

I finished Chapter 10 in two days🦐

Yeah I uh finished the fucking chapter in two days I am not shitting you. My ass went on break, sat down, and accidentally finished this long ass chapter that’s above 11K words within two days. It’s even funnier because I was tweaking so badly to work on MFIP the entire semester that once I finally sat down, I figured out exactly what I want to happen all throughout the rest of the arc. To properly explain, Imma just say how I usually work on my chapters.

I don’t actually have an organized outline for MFIP! I have a Google Docs full of ideas and certain beats I know I want the story to hit, and I generally know in my head what’s gonna happen. The details are what I figure out as I go, it’s like improv but for writing. Why don’t I just make a proper outline for the story? Because my brain genuinely can’t work that way for MFIP🦐✨ I’m not sure why; it’s not like I suck at outlines or anything, but MFIP just gets overcomplicated when I try to make an outline for it. There are so many different threads all tying back to each other that the only way I can properly comprehend it is by trusting what’s in my head.

I’m not going into detail to avoid spoiling, but I know exactly what most of the story is gonna be. I have an endpoint in mind, albeit one that’s very far into the future.

I knew what was gonna happen in the end of Arc One all the way from when I started the first chapter. That’s why the entire arc is building up or spiraling down to the events of Chapter 14. The difference is, now know 90% of the details for each of the remaining chapters too! It basically means I’ll have a very smooth writing process ‘cause all I have to do for these final chapters is to write them.

I’ve completely finished Chapter 10 and am currently around 5K+ words into Chapter 11.

Once my team finishes editing it, it’ll be published here and on AO3 as usual. I’m anticipating for it to come out sometime in late February!

HOWEVER, THERE’S ✨MORE✨MOTHERFUCKERRR

💥ONESHOTS💥

THAT’S RIGHT! We’re getting canon Oneshots along with the chapters! I’ll be posting them in a specific order, but I’ll say between which chapters the Oneshot takes pace in the author’s note so y’all can keep track easier~

The Oneshots will vary in POV. Sometimes it’ll be Salena, sometimes someone else.

I’ll make it obvious which character it is if it’s a relevant character at all but I’ll also, once again, leave the info in the author’s notes! We’re not tryna recreate FNAF here-

They’re a cool way to show more content to the story that’s either too short to fit a chapter, or just not from Salena’s perspective. They don’t HAVE to be read in order to understand the story of MFIP, but they do add a lot more substance to the events that transpire. It’s like peeling back to see another layer and more context.

The first oneshot Dear Moon will release soon after this update!

It might even release the next day, honestly. I really can’t wait for you all to read them! I think they turned out really well ;w;

✨To Art, or Not To Art? That Is the Question✨

Yeah I’ve been a bit indecisive on the whole art in the Updates thing

I’m not gonna post any art for this Update bc it’s already getting like WAY too long, but I’m debating the whole thing altogether. I don’t really think it’s necessary, and I would much rather make art its own separate posts on Tumblr and yap about ‘em there. It’ll def take off the pressure of creating a new art piece to talk about considering this is a fanfic not a comic. Otherwise my ass was scavenging through procreate for art like a hyena scavenges for meat💀 I might try out showing off all the art I posted here and link to the posts where I yap about them.

It’ll be like a gallery for all the pieces made between the Updates~

I think it’ll be more fun to post stuff that way instead, and also reduce how much I procrastinate with these Updates—

And That’ll Be All Folks~!

I think that’s everything for this Update. You guys have no idea how happy I am to FINALLY be back😭

Classes start again for me in around a week, but I’ll probably still have time to create stuff so won’t need a full blown hiatus again. It’s gonna be a bit tricky since my classes are very math-heavy and intense this semester, but I tried being smarter about my schedule to not overwhelm myself.

So yeah, I’ll keep working on MFIP and posting whenever I can! I’m so excited to finish off Arc One of the story and finally get to the part I’ve been building up to for around two years now. Only five more chapters to go~!

Some last little reminders!

Dear Moon Oneshot will be out within this week

“Are You Free Tomorrow?” Oneshot will be out sometime in late February

MFIP Chapter 10 will be out on the soonest Friday within that same week of February

ROTTMNT: Moths Fly In Packs

[hollowwrites]

All aboard the Hug-warts Express

I have had a monumentally bad day so I wrote myself some fluff. Indulge with me.

Also called, how the bois react to a crying MC or How the bois comfort them.

Ignore my head-canon that Ominis can touch his wand to things to see colour

Sebastian, Garreth and Ominis

~

Sebastian

Unbridled Rage.

That is what was walking towards him.

He frowned, looking her up and down, and slammed his book shut.

“What’s got your wand in a knot?” He asked raising an eyebrow, somewhat amused at her expression.

Her lips were pulled into a wicked sneer, brows furrowed and nose crinkled in disgust. When she reached him, she folded her arms across her chest and huffed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She spat back

“Well…” he gestured to her, generally. As though it answered her question. She choked out her next breathe, something stifling her throat.

“Can’t believe I came to you instead of Ominis” her voice cracked, her eyes filling with tears before turning back on her heel to walk away.

“Hey, hang on…” he stood, catching up to her easily and grabbing her shoulder. When he turned her around, her cheeks were already shiny with shed tears. “…what’s going on?” His fingers wiped her cheeks down quickly whilst he searched her face for answers. Couldn’t see any cuts, no blood, no limp. Her pain was emotional not physical.

“I’ve just…had the worst day” she sounded so vulnerable until her eyes locked back at him. A glimmer of anger sparked in her eyes as she continued “and then I wanted to see you but you just had to be…you about it didn’t you!”

“Alright alright I’m sorry” his hands still held her face as she pouted, tears still flowing from her eyes. He couldn’t help the tiny smirk that plucked at his lips. “You wanted to see me though?”

“Shut up, Sebastian” she sniffed

“Come here” he whispered, pulling her to his chest and holding her “I’m sorry. I’ll try to not be me for a little while”

“That would be nice” she laughed breathlessly into his chest as he rocked her side to side.

“Want to go somewhere quiet? And you can tell me about it?” He bowed his head to her enveloping completely by him. She nodded and he guided her towards the Undercroft.

“Do I need to hurt anyone?”

~

Garreth

Garreth rarely saw her upset. She was all sunshine and rainbows. She made the Sun jealous with how brightly she smiled.

But today was different.

Her smile didn’t reach her eyes and the smallest knot appeared above her brow. The smallest chink in her glowing brilliant armour

In typical Weasley fashion, he combatted everything with humour.

“Uh oh, what’s up with moody bum?” He bent down to her level and booped her on the nose.

“I-“ That seemed to be the straw that broke the thestrals back and she erupted into tears

“Hey! No no no no no, Don���t cry, I’m sorry” Garreth panicked and wrapped his arms around her. From the outside, it looked as though he was hugging himself. She had completely disappeared into him.

“I’ve…had…the…worst…day” she stammered out between sobs. He felt her tiny hands grip his shirt to pull him closer.

“Do you know what cheers me up?” He said pulling out all the stops to cheer her up. His tone was devoid of all his usual charm. Just soft and caring Garreth remained.

“Potions” she mumbled

“Well yes but now is not the time to brew.” He pulls her away to look at her face. It’s blotchy and her eyes already look a little swollen. His thumbs brushed under her eyes and wiped the tears away in one. “Chocolate…and lots of it. And I happen to have a stash for moments just like this. Come on” he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, her sobs quickly replaced with little giggles as he walks towards his Common Room.

~

Ominis

Ominis knew something was wrong the moment she accompanied him in the library.

She usually greeted and sat next to him so they could share a box of Honeydukes Fudge.

But today she sat across from him and remained silent. He could hear her irregular breathing and every now and then she tried to disguise her hyperventilation with an obviously fake cough. She also continuously sniffed. And he knew when she was ill.

This was not ill sniffling.

“You’ve been crying” he stated. It was not a question.

“No” her voice cracked. “Why would you say that?” She said blankly, almost cold.

He sighed.

“Don’t make me prove you wrong” he raised an eyebrow and grabbed his wand.

“I don’t know what you’re talking abou-“ she started before his wand pressed gently against her nose. She froze as he flicked it across her cheeks.

“Your nose is red…you’ve been crying” his tone immediately shifted to that of concern. “Please don’t lie to me. It makes it incredibly difficult to help if you lie”

He always had such a wonderful way of caring and maintaining a stoic appearance.

His concern flared her up again. Her head falling to her arms as she scrunched over the table. She sobbed into her elbow, trying to hide from the world when she felt Ominis wrap his arm around her shoulder. He leant down and whispered in her ear.

“You know I can get anyone who has upset you expelled”

She laughed through the sobs as he rubbed small circles into her back. As she calmed down slightly, he rested his cheek against the back of her shoulder.

“I’m here if you want to talk”

Masterlist

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 122 - Sleepover!

Today's the day, Jaden's spending a couple nights with the Lemons while his parents go on a mission trip.

Calvin: We appreciate your generosity.

Ophelia: Of course. Gemma's been so excited. We'll take good care of Jaden.

Anna: The Watcher will bless you for your kindness.

While the grown-ups talk, Gemma tells Jaden about all the games they're gonna play. He's a little overwhelmed, but excited. He's never had a sleepover before! Neither has Gemma, but they'll have a great time.

Anna: Now I know you do things a little… differently than we do, but we ask you not to force any woke ideology on Jaden.

Ophelia: Uh, we'll try, but you've still never told me what you mean by 'woke'.

Anna: Well, time to say goodbye!

Anna calls Jaden over and gives him a big hug.

Anna: Goodbye, sweetheart. We'll miss you. Be a good boy for Gemma's mommy and daddy.

Jaden: 'kay, Momma.

Calvin: Anna, stop coddling the boy so I can have a word with him.

Calvin: You behave yourself now. Mr. and Mrs. Lemon are being very nice by letting you stay here. I don't care if the girls are playing with them, no girl toys, and none of that makeup junk, got it?

Jaden: …Yes, Daddy.

Ophelia contemplates punching the back of Calvin's head.

As soon as they're gone, Ophelia goes into recovery mode when she sees how defeated Jaden looks.

Ophelia: We're so excited to have you, Jaden! We'll have a lot of fun, I promise.

Jaden melts into the hug. His dad gets mad at his mom when she does, so he doesn't get a ton.

Ophelia gives them some acai bowls as a late lunch.

Jaden: Mommy and Daddy sayed to only play with boy toys here. You got boy toys?

Gemma doesn't really get the question.

Gemma: I just got reg'lar toys.

Jaden has found a loophole! Time to chow down!

After letting the kids out to play in the living room, Ophelia preps breakfast for tomorrow morning, but makes sure to send Xander an update while he's at work. She also gossips about Jaden's crazy-ass parents.

Calvin didn't even hug him goodbye. Who treats a toddler like that?

Ophelia goes to check on the kids, to find just her eldest daughter playing there.

Ophelia: Muffin, where's Jaden?

Gemma: We was playin' an' he got quiet and runned away.

Hmm. Maybe he's already feeling homesick. He couldn't have gotten that far.

Jaden has found himself a nice corner to sit in. He's so embarrassed. His daddy told him to be good and he couldn't even pull it off for a few hours. Gemma's mommy is going to be so mad at him. Maybe putting himself in time-out will make her go easy on him.

Marshmallow comes to keep him company, but it doesn't do much to cheer him up. Jaden starts crying, but it makes it a lot easier for Ophelia to find him.

Ophelia: Oh, sweetie, what's wrong? Are you missing Mommy and Daddy?

Jaden: I-I-I didn't mean to!

She sits down to be on his level.

Ophelia: Didn't mean to what? Why are you sitting over here all by your lonesome?

Jaden: I-I was bad so I goed to time-out.

What kind of kid puts themselves in time-out?

Ophelia: Oh, I'm sure you weren't bad. You're such a nice boy.

That just makes Jaden cry more.

Jaden: Noooo, I was baaaad! I-I don't know where the potty is, a-an' I tried to find it bu-but…

She can't understand the rest of his babbles but it's clear what happened.

Ophelia: Jaden, honey, it's okay if you had an accident. I'm not mad.

Jaden: But Daddy sayed be good an' I-

Ophelia: Buddy, it's okay. We don't get mad about accidents in this house. I'm sorry, I should have showed you where the potty is. Come here.

A grown-up… apologizing? They can do that?

Ophelia: Why don't we get you changed and then I can show you where the potty is so you'll know for next time?

Jaden: But I didn't do my time-out all the way.

Ophelia: You don't get time-out for an accident, silly!

Jaden: I do with Mommy and Daddy.

Ophelia: Well, we don't here. You tried your best and that's all that matters to me and Mr. Xander. It's okay that you're sad, though. Would a hug cheer you up?

Jaden: …Uh-huh.

Ophelia channels her anger at his parents into squeezing the sadness out of this poor little bean.

Ophelia: Let's go upstairs and get you taken care of.

Miss Ophelia's a weird grown-up. He's never even seen her get angry. He really likes it.

After getting Jaden in a fresh diaper, Ophelia decides to make sure he understands something.

Ophelia: You don't have to be afraid to ask us questions. If you need help, or you want something, Mr. Xander and I are here to help you.

Jaden thinks he's gonna like it here.

Later on in the night, Ophelia tells them it's time for bed, but Gemma wants to bargain.

Gemma: Can we play just a liiiittle longer? Pleeeeease, Mommy?

Ophelia: 15 minutes, but then bed. Deal?

Gemma: Deal!

Jaden knows his dad wouldn't approve of dolls, but they're so fun!

It takes a little longer than 15 minutes, but all the kiddos are tucked in, snug as a bug, and on their way to Snooze Town. Marshmallow decides to join them.

When Xander comes home, Ophelia catches him up on what he missed over a late dinner.

Xander: Why am I not surprised that poor kid gets punished for normal bodily functions? He put himself in time-out?

Ophelia: My heart broke when he told me. I hate Anna and Calvin so much.

Ophelia: Let's just give Jaden a lot of love and attention the next few days. Poor baby needs it.

Xander agrees.

His parents might be a lot to deal with, but they're both sure Jaden came into their lives for a reason. They're his only shot at having normal adults in his life.

[officialtayley]

I agree with previous anon - finding you when I was new to the fandom last year felt so good! This is all a bit stupid probably and too deep lol but, I'm neurodivergent (ADHD, but probably autism too) and whenever an ND level special interest takes hold, it's usually when I'm in already in a depression or period of burn out. It's like my brain is vulnerable for something to cling to. Or like a demon notices an easy target to possess hah. When I saw Paramore last year, it was like my brain was genuinely addicted to them, specifically H, and I felt like I was only calm and regulated when zoning out consuming anything to do with them, but simultaneously I ever actually felt like I would "catch up" and felt embarrassed by how much time I was wasting online looking for stuff.

But then I found Kels' blog and devoured the archive, and then found you, and ever since then I felt the frenzied fan in my head settle down, I think because I only have to check one place for info now, but also because you've always been so nice to me when I message even if it's been about old things from After Laughter tours, or just a random submission or thought that I want to share with anyone. Sometimes I can share with an IRL friend who is a fan, but most of the time I know it needs to be just go to fandom fans, and I never wanted to be a twitter fan and didn't know what to do with all my thoughts before finding your Tumblr. Like you are so patient most of the time, you're not like some gatekeeper, and you're also not blind to the band's/H's faults, and I love that because twitter is just full of people wanting to be Hayley's next screenshot only.

The special interest addiction levels of fandom would have died down for me eventually, it always does, but the place you hold for us here was such a help and helps me maintain it in a healthy way, e.g. I don't have a compulsion to check loads of fan accounts on ig or twitter, because anything important will be here. It's so embarrassing admitting how much special interests can consume me especially as it stops being properly enjoyable after a few days and feels like I'm possessed, but yeah thank you idk I just really like this community forum space we have here and seeing you be so welcoming to a new person is making me think about how nice it is that you're pretty much a daily part of my day lol. This is so long why am I being so emotional over Tumblr hahahahah

this is also the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. this whole thing really warmed my heart and i did in fact cry again... i'm not even a crier but i guess i am just emotional today.

i'm glad i can be a daily part of your day, and it means so much to me that you feel this way about my blog and also me. you've always be lovely to me and naturally the more people come back the more i warm up them. i also do just try to be nice in general to everyone here as long as they aren't being weird or rude to me.

the few messages today just make me really appreciate the community we've built here tbh. it's like i say a lot, i am very disliked, it's been that way since 2018 in particular, and i know why even though everyone's reasons are very different, but i don't enjoy it. sometimes it does make me wonder if i am a horrible person, which is silly but it happens. i've had a few ppl i'm friends with tell me about fans they're friends with or fans they talk to tell them about how they don't like me and stuff, but thankfully those friends never were swayed because they know me on a personal level. but anyway, it just makes me glad i have this little community.

i also wish i kept my old posts cause you would've liked many of those, from before tayley was ever confirmed. but i also used to be more annoying back then so it's for the best they're gone. but yeah, i'm glad this blog means this much to you, this was really lovely to read and i'm just very thankful. so so so so thankful 💕💕💕 i also always enjoy whenever you send anything, it's always nice seeing you here so often :)

[mylifemydiary]

The following is a rant. Because I can.

10/9/23

I need to vent today. A lot.

I don't like kids. I never have. Even as a kid myself, I played alone. I found friends very troubling. More than one, and ultimately someone always ends up getting stabbed in the back. I don't like sports teams. Or being part of a team in general. I am a lone wolf. I prefer it that way. Until I don't.

I don't like dogs. Particularly other people's dogs. I find them annoying and tedious, too high maintenance and needy. And most of the time, nobody has just one. They have more than one. Which just multiplies the annoyance and neediness.

We are the only family who has two small children. Everyone else in my husband's family who had a baby within the past two years have older children. Teenagers, or double digits. We are the ONLY ones who have two who are not in school. And not just any two kids, because I feel like not all children are as hard as mine. I have a really hard 4 year old and a really needy baby, who is not yet walking but so close. Which means he is either crawling everywhere and climbing on literally everything and literally grabbing EVERYTHING within reach, my other one is constantly 'can I have this?' 'can I eat this?' tantrum after tantrum of trying to do something alone that he cannot in fact do alone and then outbursting again or whining about literally anything and everything. It is a lot to handle. Going out to eat is a beat down because halfway through the meal the baby wants to go crawl on the dirty floor and will cry and struggle until we leave. The other one wants food, no not that food that he previously ate and liked, something that is either not served there or wants to skip and go straight to something sweet or whines about what IS served and takes two bites and says he isn't hungry. It's not fun. It's relentless and exhausting and I'm fucking tired. I try to do something fun with them. I try. In my mind it's pictures of precious moments and opportunities for family togetherness, what I actually get is a dumpsterfire and myself being overwhelmed and hangry. It happened again this weekend. I wanted to do a pumpkin patch with the kids and sister in laws since the weather would be nice. We got lost in a corn maze first thing and I was agitated. Then I couldn't get any good family pics. I, in fact, did not get any good family pics. I don't have ANY pictures of just my husband and I on any outing we do or any recent ones. It's all pictures of the kids. The last pictures I have of just my husband and I are from my birthday. In May. We are now 5 months away from that. Oh, I take that back, I have the family pictures I forced us to do in June. So 4 months.

The icing on the cake is that I caught some type of cold there at the park. Despite being the only one to bring and use hand sanitizer, I woke up Sunday with a sore throat and green snot. Cool. Then we had my husband's father's birthday celebration at my brother in law's house. Who has two giant golden retrievers. With two small kids, it's just too much. I can't let the baby crawl because they will either lick him or run over him. My older one is face level with them and scared of their rambunctiousness. So he spent the whole time cowering or running away from them. I did eventually have to let the baby crawl around because he wouldn't stop struggling and crying and he proceeded to be engulfed in dog hair. Throw in the fact we asked for the menu the day before so we could purchase something, and then day of they change the menu entirely so what we purchased was not used at all. That was me trying to be proactive and trying to do our part with his last minute family. Never again. Next time I guess we can call when we are on our way and stop and get ice or whatever last minute detail has been forgotten.

Then came the part that really makes me insane. My husband's father invites him to his sister's house for poker in the evening. I felt like crap and just wanted to lay down. The baby wouldn't go to sleep despite the early bath. The 4 year old was whining and crying. All I wanted to do was lay down. And he just leaves. In the middle of two meltdowns while I feel like crap and am sick, he just leaves. It's great that everyone else has lots of help with their kids, but we only have each other. We often have to tag team it, one of us gets one kid and the other one gets the other kid. And it's necessary because they are a lot to handle. Neither one of them is an easy kid. And I got stuck with both at bedtime while I felt like crap.

I love all my children, I really do, but I also love my sanity and my freedom and I feel like I have neither. All day every day it is whining and tantrums and wiping butts and making sure nobody chokes and making sure nobody climbs and falls off of things and feeding and snacking and it's constant and relentless. And on top of that he has the nerve to point out when the house doesn't look spotless or happens to see some mold on the shower wall. He watched the kids for 4 hours a couple of weekends ago and managed to lose all 4 pacifiers. Those 4 are all we have, and we aren't buying any more because he's close to being weened off of them, and when I have the kids I keep track of them all day. I have to. I know where they are at all hours. Him? Idk, they're around here somewhere. REALLY. The older kid loses and freaks out about at least one toy three times a day. Doesn't remember where he had it, what he was doing with it, or where it could possibly be, but that's all he needs in life to be happy and exist and IT IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Tantrums ensue. Then I have to search high and low for said item and it ends up being somewhere he should have known it was. But nah. It's easier to lose his shit over something so miniscule and make everyone panic and ruin everyone else's day.

I'm just sad and tired and seeing the pictures of my muffin top from Saturday is the last straw. I go the gym 3-4 times a week, and for what. I was excited to fit into those jeans that I haven't worn in years. But seeing the fat roll in every picture just ruined my entire day. I don't have much time left before I won't be going to the gym anymore for a while and I'm disgusting. It's enough to make me give up and crawl back into bed and just let the kids cry. I literally want to give up on everything.

Hopefully this is just my feeling for today and I can snap out of it.

[janeaustenprotagonist]

dear john,

it's been a long time since I wrote a dear john letter. it's late september now. our final semester has started. we've been good, hectic but good. it's weirdly healthy. I find my old habits trying to slither their way back in but I do my best to push them out, I won't let them sabotage this. I had a dream you proposed today. I'm no where near ready to be married, but I woke up crying. we were visiting salem MA, somewhere I've always wanted to live. you proposed in front of the hocus pocus house. I'm now thinking of us in that cheesecake factory coming up with halloween hallmark movie plots, laughing our asses off. I remember that talk we had in the car. I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling, it made me feel guilty. I didn't tell you about the scare, I should have. I know I should have. I read you the letter, you put your hand on me. it was a lot, I know. you said you want to be better for me, did you mean it?

sometimes at night, I imagine I'm sleeping next to you and somehow it makes the world less scary. I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. I don't even remember most of them. you're in a few. I thought the anxiety medication was supposed to help with this.

I have a medical procedure on thursday. jesus, I didn't think we'd still be seeing eachother. I honestly didn't think we'd have a chance. I'm terrified. utterly, completely, disgustingly terrified. I'm being put under general anesthesia. I'm worried what they'll find, if they find anything. if they find something, how do I tell you? i have to text you before the sun is up and tell you that I care about you incase something happens during this procedure. with my body and my chances (knock on wood), who knows what could happen. I know it's generally low risk, but there's still a chance. I'm scared.

the other day, I was venting to my notes app (a typical me activity). and I started talking about you. before my brain could process what I was typing I wrote: "if he doesn't stop, he's going to make me fall in love with him." what would you say to that? I- I don't know if I'm ready to be in love again. I don't know if I'm ready to fall for someone again. I've done so much healing, my abusive ex can't touch me anymore. but... I don't know. I guess I'm still scared of being *that* vulnerable with someone. I'm okay with surface level vulnerability, making funny jokes about my past and such, but I don't know if I can be in love quite yet. but it's okay. I don't need to be. I'm scared to fall in love again because last time, it was used against me. my love was a weapon, I dropped the knife and they stabbed me with it. I know you won't do that, but knowing that doesn't unlock the iron clad chain around my heart. the only thing that can rust and break that chain is time. I want to give you that time. I want you to break that chain. I feel like I could be that with you, that level of seeing me naked surrounded by my ghosts. I feel like I could fall in love with you. that scares me.

okay hon, I am tried. I need to clean up my room and then do a few tasks and then sleep. I've got a long day of surgery prep tomorrow.

I hope you're sleeping well.

sincerely,

yours

[sporadically-writing]

hihi there, i hope youre doing well today!! may i get some headcanons for cassidy with a fem s/o who isn't particularly feminine? like...generally unladylike, tends to be a rough person who's more likely to roughhouse, and doesn't like the typical feminine clothing...hope this request isnt too much, i don't see a lot of non-feminine women stuff out there!

Oh dude, yeah! Tomboys for the win!

Let me start by saying, Cassidy is not the type of man who cares about how people dress and act in regards to societal expectations

For somebody’s sake, he’s a cowboy for crying out loud (we love him for it though)

You met Cole through Blackwatch, you actually were recruited before the bust in Deadlock Gorge and were one of the agents Reyes selected to help him with the mission

You had spotted a Deadlock member duck into one of the caverns around and charged after them. In one quick moment, you tackled them, leaving you with a flirty cowboy pinned under you

Here’s the thing, regardless how feminine or not you present, Cole is still going to flirt with you endlessly. He had varying degrees of success but he’s happy to do it anyway

He irritated you quite a bit when he was first recruited to Blackwatch. Being the cocky big shot that he was - Gabe really shouldn’t have complimented him as much during the recruiting process - he latched onto you since, technically, you were the first agent he formally met. Well, as formal as (essentially) an arrest can be

He was a new agent, already too big for his britches having escaped jail time, so somebody had to do something. One day during training, you sparred with him and very handily (and pardon my French) handed his ass to him with a serious (albeit amused) warning

He knew that he was a goner then but that was alright

He gave you the respect an agent of your abilities demanded but that doesn’t mean he still didn’t flirt and tease you, he just did it less

It’s what tipped other agents off that he liked you. Whether you believed it or not, the fact was that Cassidy didn’t listen to most agents when they gave him orders. Hell, he didn’t even listen to his own commander for goodness sakes

Eventually he managed to wear you down enough to consider him a friend. The two of you were more often than not partners on missions

Gabe got more and more reluctant sending the two of you by yourselves because, while the job would get done, the two of you would get goofier and goofier with each other. Ruffling each other’s hair, putting each other into playful headlocks, general tomfoolery

Then the Venice mission came. Cole was vocal the entire mission and most of the way home, you however, we’re quiet for once, something you had never been before

When you all got home, Gabe pulled you aside to ask you to calm Cole down. You however, told Gabe EXACTLY how you felt about his actions that evening and left without a second thought

You and Cole just sort of sat in silence with each other after that, wondering what the hell the two of you were going to do next because that wasn’t what either of you signed up for

Both of you left Overwatch shortly after, choosing to stick together

You two can’t even tell when your friendship ended and your relationship began because you’re still show the same level of physical affection to each other, it just feels like something clicked

Cole still teases you but you do it right back to him (and better, shhh)

Every so often when he introduces you to someone as his girlfriend someone will say, “She looks like she could kill you.” And Cole will just smile that same lovesick smile he usually does and sighs out a, “I know.”

[celestialsky198]

it seems i have rather unexpectedly stumbled on to the Shakespeare side of tumblr, a surprise that, while not what i originally intended for my dashboard, is nonetheless absolutely delightful. a particularly popular play appears to be romeo and juliet. however, i have (regrettably) not read or seen a production of romeo and juliet. thus, my good gentlefolk, i am here today to present, for your viewing pleasure, what i think mercutio, romeo and benvolio are like, as informed by tumblr memes. i hope you enjoy my fever dream of a presentation on the gloriously nicknamed montacrew.

mercutio:

- extremely dramatic, to the point of sacrificing his own safety for the aesthetic

- possesses little to no sense of danger

- gayyyy

- sticking around for the DramaTM

- prankster

- would speak purely in memes if social media existed when the play was set and would have held a funeral complete with an elaborate mourners procession and a gravestone for vine when it eventually lost relevance

- is one of the main sources of comedy - minute he dies the whole show hurtles way way faster to the train wreck of a tragedy it will eventually become

- no braincells. there’s nothing but dust and a few pebbles rattling around in his head

- tipsy half the time, however it’s almost impossible to tell the times when he is and the times when he isn’t apart because he’s just Like That normally

- LOUD

- bad at expressing his emotions but genuinely quite sweet when he can get his words out properly

- theatre kid but cannot sing for the life of him

- this doesn’t stop him tho

- feral

- if he has a problem it is not his for very long as it very quickly becomes EVERYONE’S problem

- the biggest flirt you’ve ever seen in your life

- very excitable, sort of like caffeine if it were a person and made poor life decisions

- poofy sleeves

- petty crime

benvolio:

- level head (kinda)

- he has more than one brain cell which admittedly isn’t a lot but it’s millions better than the other two

- so so tired

- tries to keep the other two in check and out of trouble but is becoming slowly more feral due to exposure

- dumbass in training if you will

- also a silly and a prankster but feigns reluctance bc he (sort of) has a reputation to think of

- mercutio on the other hand has no reputation other than being ridiculous and thus has nothing to lose

- deathly loyal and very supportive of his friends even if it’s kinda their fault that they’re in trouble

- boy has been through some next level suffering, he is not okay, someone get him some therapy and maybe a hug

- lots of deadpan humour

- dating mercutio

- probably deserves better he’s seen some stuff

- gays are never happy :(

- confident, fairly easygoing but has limits you don’t cross

- with him you joke until he gives you The Look and then you shut up quick

- dog person

- possible clairvoyance?? i don’t make the rules

romeo:

- feelings!!!

- will cry. just in general. about anything.

- impulsive as heck

- big romantic, the ‘sighs dreamily’ type

- simply does not Think, at anytime

- this means he can screw up sometimes and be a bit of a jerk but he means well

- he does not jump to conclusions he hurtles towards them at 200mph

- sad often

- anytime he appears on the scene things escalate

- *slight air of tension but generally quiet* *romeo appears* *all hell breaks loose*

- optimist but easily disappointed

- prankster also

- they all joke around to be honest

- unearned confidence

- refuses to listen to any and all authority

- a little gullible but we don’t hold that against him

- just an ongoing, never ending crisis as opposed to a midlife crisis

- a hot mess

- doesn’t really comprehend such fabled things as Consequences or Repercussions and his primary motivation for things is almost always ‘it looked like a fun time’

- he’s a laugh and fun to be around but don’t trust him with anything

- kinda like a golden retriever but somehow more reckless

[forestlingincorporated]

...So, are the Drakes criminals?

One thing that comes up in a lot of Catlad/Stray/Kitten AUs feat. Tim Drake is the idea that the Drakes are lowkey thieves. Specifically, that they steal artifacts from their archeological digs. Makes sense for the AU, but is there any validity to that in canon? 

Um... yeah. Actually. 

So, at first, I thought that Drake Industries did something with archeology? Like, they were an archeological... company? But while going through the Batman comics of the time period and early Robin comics with a fine tooth comb to write the initial DI entry on DC Database, I found that Drake Industries seems to have NOTHING to do with archeology. The only thing DI is specifically said to specialize in is medical equipment. 

Tim describes both his parents “trotting the globe digging up ancient civilizations,” despite archeology not seeming to be Drake Industries’ business. It appears to be a hobby both parents partook in. 

So, that’s... fine? I think? I... think you can volunteer on a dig as an enthusiast. 

But then I noticed this panel from Cry of the Huntress when Tim and Jack are newly moved in next door to Bruce, because... 

Well, I recognize that statue. I took an art history class in college, and that is definitively a Venus figurine, a la “the Venus of Willendorf,” from Paleolithic Europe. 

Now, that doesn’t mean it’s stolen from a dig. It could be purchased legitimately! However... I don’t know, the comics where pretty clear what the Drakes’ spending range was for art. 

A Lonely Place of Dying has this interesting but out-of-place interaction with Tim during his first visit to the Wayne Manor. He notes Bruce’s Erte statue, and comments on how his dad purchased a lithograph the year before... but he appears impressed that Bruce owns a statue. 

This is important to NOTHING in this plot, but it establishes the Drakes’ level of wealth vs Bruce’s level of wealth. Lithographs are generally speaking more affordable than serigraphs, of which Erte produced both, due to how they are made (though, limited editions can change the value of the piece) which suggests that the Drakes are buying on the cheaper end of the high art print spectrum. 

Now, I can’t tell you how much this particular statue is worth, because I can’t tell if this particular statue is meant to be a particular Erte; I can’t find a match. I’ve seen Erte statues listed for $1,800 at auction, and I’ve seen them listed for $13,000. There are certainly lithos more expensive than some statues, however I’ve seen some Erte lithos only price in the hundreds, and I’ve never seen a statue price that low. The implication is that the Drakes don’t have as much cash to spend on having nice Things as Bruce does. I suspect most of their money goes towards funding their lavish lifestyle: travel, multiple homes, fancy boarding schools, etc. Still filthy rich, but they’re not cracking the thousands on art. 

And artifacts at auction? Are not cheap.  

That said, it could simply be a replica, which can be very affordable for the average archeology nerd. There’s still no evidence of wrong-doing. 

Or... there was no evidence, until...

In the Robin 80-Page Giant, we see Jack on a dig, where he officially describes himself as an amateur archaeologist. 

On this dig he finds an artifact of unknown provenance and just... takes it home. Gives it to his fiancé as a wedding present. 

Archaeologists do not keep the objects they excavate, in today’s day and age, since the remains generally belong to the country in which they are found. Like, an actual archeologist can correct me, but it shouldn’t matter that the professional Jack is working under seems to think it’s “costume jewelry,” it’s still part of the dig.

Jack is just so cavalier about taking it home, too, it just seems like something he’s done before. Like, I’m pretty sure he’s just casually commiting a crime and his archeologist friend is, like, enabling him. 

So, that’s why I’m convinced the Drakes, or at least Jack, are lowkey treasure hunters and tomb robbers. Like, again, super not an expert, but I’m like 75% sure this is illegal as hell. 

[dianaburnwood]

FREELANCER Gameplay Reveal

screaming, crying etc. 

Had a lot going on today so took me a while to get this post out, but let’s talk about that reveal!!!

ok listen I dunno WHAT it is about injured 47 that is so enticing but I never even imagined they would have in-game cutscenes to go with it? Haven’t seen him looking this beat up since Contracts. 

This is really bringing him back to his roots, fighting for every inch of progress, death always just around the corner.

And speaking of Contracts vibes: 

I am very excited by the amount of cutscene content this reveal shows. It’s honestly already more than I was expecting, I figured Freelancer realisation would be focused on gameplay, leaving little room for anything else. But these little snippets of 47 doing NEW things has me like !!!!

In general, Freelancer as a mode has way more newness than I was expecting. A lot of it seems Blood Money inspired, such as earning money, purchasing of upgrades, and what appears to be almost a throwback to the notoriety system with the alerted territories feature.

Also really like the optional objectives for extra payout. This also means a TON of replay value, as you may not have access to the gear you need to complete all of these objectives the first time round. Especially for prestige objectives!

I am not sure how I feel about the in-game currently being called mercers. Obvy a play on merces letifer but, eh. 

Really interested in how they’ve built on the investigation gameplay of Dartmoor to allow 47 to ascertain who his final target is during these campaigns. That adds a whole other level to this narratively too, as you really feel like you’re on your own with limited intel, while other assassins make things dangerous for you.

I am really enjoying the attention to detail in the safehouse itself, starting off with moving boxes and eventually settling 47 in his home. It seems really lovingly crafted. 

Timeline

We heard our girl Diana loud and clear, so Freelancer does not take place during 47′s year away from her. Due to this, I’m not expecting the weather at the safehouse to undergo seasonal changes as it is not marking the passing of a single year (though I would be so happy if we got to see changes like that anyway!). 

Baby who are all those presents for 👀

It seems to me that Freelancer takes place after the New Deal cinematic, with Diana and 47 working together as partners. Though as 47 is booking his own flights, doing his own research, and buying and packing his own gear, Diana must be chilling on the sun lounger during these missions lmao

Dunno why this says ICA approved tho... unless 47 and Diana are actually still working for the ICA but as freelancers because the ICA is still picking up the pieces?

I’m expecting Freelancer to be a great opportunity to add fresh content and new maps to HITMAN while narratively laying the groundwork for Diana and 47 to return to a newly resurfaced ICA in a future Hitman game (assuming they haven’t already, or that IOI don’t go for a hard reboot in their next Hitman outing). 

I guess use of that private plane was an ICA perk after all... 

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.

lol what

I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass

also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go

IIDA ANGST

Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida

meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”

“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still

“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT

yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue

okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol

LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL

“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then

oh, ouch

he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan

by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree

and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez

anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol

OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??

FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent

so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient

mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!

FUCK YEAH

okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?

in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no

oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!

poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol

omg. well that answers that

so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own

BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible

(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.

and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “奪う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)

by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol

WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI

YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR

okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward

dskfjfkk

“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”

actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol

(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)

whoa lol wtf

MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT

-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK

“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao

and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices

poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg

“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS

FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU

THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami

okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces

um excuse me this is fucking awesome

wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk

TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY

WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE

and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji

KAMINARI OMFG

it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice

aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself

do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude

oh shit the mask!!

-- oh shit the feels

o(TヘTo)

fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...

and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance

(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.

incidentally, as @class1akids​ pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)

anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!

“OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal

p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked

ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last

okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago

but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once

and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama

and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED

[tennessoui]

hi all of your aus are amazing! pls what happens with divorced!obiwan and the twins?

hey!! sorry this took so long i had to think of an appropriate cliffhanger

this is a continuation of this ficlet and this ficlet, where divorced!obi-wan accidentally acquires a partner and a set of twins.

(2k WHOOPS)

The twins are not, and probably have never been described by anyone except their father, angels. They take to Obi-Wan as well as Obi-Wan takes to them, which is to say that all three of them watch each other suspiciously until one day Luke launches himself off the top of the fridge--how the fuck did he manage to get up there--and Obi-Wan drops his morning toast in a frantic bid to catch him.

After that, Leia and Luke apparently decide he is Another Anakin Who Is Just Around A Lot Less But Is Better At Reading Bedtime Stories and deign to treat him as such.

Obi-Wan decides that he’s going to have a heart attack by the age of fifty. Do all children see a childproof house as a challenge?

It somehow takes both a longer and shorter time to win over Anakin’s favor, mostly because Obi-Wan isn’t sure what the man’s thinking at any given moment. He seems to blow hot and cold depending on how he woke up or how the work day goes. Some days, Obi-Wan comes home from campus and Anakin and the twins have waited to eat until he’s there. Sometimes they’ve eaten and there’s a meal under foil on the stove just for Obi-Wan.

(“I don’t know how you do it,” Obi-Wan tells him one night after the children are put to bed. “I mean, work from home with your job, mind the children, and cook?”

“They made me head of the R&D department a few months ago,” Anakin admits, taking a sip of his second glass of wine. “So I’m doing a lot more checking through other people’s work instead of making my own. It just means I can do that and make something edible--no, really, you just can’t cook, Obi-Wan, I’m not the best either.”

“Do you miss getting to make something other than food?” Obi-Wan asks eventually, giving himself enough time to recover from the sound of the other’s giggles.

Anakin shrugs languidly. “It’s better salary, and I’m the youngest ever in the company to have the position. Means I’ll pay off my student loans quicker, same with my mom’s hospital bills. Doesn’t matter what I want.”

Obi-Wan’s chest hurts and he wants to lean across the gap between their chairs and place his hand on Anakin’s arm, but they don’t know each other like that. It’s only been a month and a half since they moved in. Still. “It always matters what you want,” he insists. “And I think you’re amazing.”

Anakin blushes bright scarlet and takes a huge gulp of wine, and Obi-Wan wonders if this is a throwing-yourself-off-the-fridge break through.)

(It’s not because the next day, Anakin doesn’t say a single word to him, which bothers him more than he’d like to admit.)

(“Am I in the wrong for wanting to get along with my housemate?” Obi-Wan asks Quinlan despairingly during their office hours that he should be using to grade papers. Instead all he can think about is Anakin Skywalker and the goddamn cold shoulder he’s been getting from the man for the past three days.

“Yeah,” Quin says absentmindedly, marking something with a red pen before looking up at Obi-Wan’s outraged intake of breath. “I mean, no. I mean, sorry, Obi, what are we even talking about now? Is it still your hot new roommate with the two kids? Because that’s what we were talking about an hour and a half ago.”

Obi-Wan crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. “I’m just not sure I appreciate--”

“And you said he’s not been hanging around in the living room when you get home? But he’s still leaving you meals in the kitchen? And you’re upset about the free food?”

Obi-Wan is upset at the lack of Anakin’s presence, but he thinks that’s probably not the right thing to say here.

“Maybe he’s just tired?” Quinlan puts down his pen and rests his chin on one of his hands as he looks at Obi-Wan. “From the kids and the job and putting up with your moody ass. C’mon, Obi, what’s really getting you worked up?”

Obi-Wan purses his lips and stares at the desk in front of him, but he had come to Quinlan for help. He should at least be honest about what’s eating at him, even though he knows how silly it will sound when given a voice. “...Satine always waited up for me,” he mutters. “Until she didn’t.”

Quinlan’s quiet for a worryingly large amount of seconds, before he reaches out to pat Obi-Wan gently on the arm. “Oh, Obi,” he says pityingly. “Repeat after me. You cannot make your new roommate your rebound from your thirty year marriage.”

Obi-Wan scoffs. That’s not the problem at all. “That’s not the problem at all,” he says, not defensively in the slightest. “I think I’m just worried about the children not having enough structure in their lives.”

“Right,” Quinlan says, not quite managing to hide the skepticism in his voice. “Then you should talk to him. For the sake of the children.”

Obi-Wan will absolutely not be doing that, but it’s a nice thought.)

The real turning point in Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship happens five months after the Skywalkers move in.

Anakin and Obi-Wan are in the living room. Anakin is trying to braid Leia’s hair while Obi-Wan tries to pretend he isn’t watching. From the kitchen, there’s a very, very loud crash and the sound of something shattering.

Both adults leap up from their seats immediately and run to the other room.

Luke is standing in the epi-center of disaster, little face scrunched up like he doesn’t know whether or not to cry. At the sight of his dad and Obi-Wan, he starts to wail, moving forward and reaching for Anakin.

Obi-Wan, who is wearing shoes inside the house (a point of contention between himself and Anakin), grabs Luke roughly and picks him up by the armpits before he can cut his feet on the glass. He hands him over to Anakin to soothe, stepping further into the kitchen to find the dustpan he keeps in one of the pantries.

It’s very obvious what broke, though Obi-Wan can’t for the life of him understand how Luke got ahold of Satine’s heavy cake stand. He can definitely understand how Luke dropped it, as the thing was ridiculously heavy.

It had been one of the only things left in the house that had been Satine’s. She’d left it, and Obi-Wan had been too bitter or petty to point it out to her. Yes, it had been her mother’s. No, keeping it had not made him feel any better. But it’s not like Satine ever baked anything anyway.

Good for Luke, actually, for doing what Obi-Wan never could bring himself to do.

He grabs the broom and dustpan and marches back to the pieces of shattered glass. Anakin has placed Luke on the counter, ostensibly to check to make sure his feet are fine if the boy would ever let go of his father’s neck. Leia is peering around at the mess on the floor.

When Obi-Wan comes back and starts sweeping everything away, she darts forward to pick up a rather sizeable chunk.

“Don’t touch that,” Obi-Wan says sharply, much harsher than he intended. Leia drops it instantly and scurries back to her father, eyes wide and sort of watery. Oh, fuck.

“Hey,” Anakin snaps immediately. “She’s just trying to help and Luke didn’t mean to break--whatever that is.”

Obi-Wan holds up his hand to cut Anakin off. “I’m not mad,” he promises all three of the Skywalkers. And he’s not even lying. He’s really not mad, hasn’t even thought to be mad at this last piece of proof of his relationship with Satine shattering on his kitchen floor. “I just don’t want either of you to cut yourself. Glass like this can be very dangerous and none of you are wearing shoes.”

“Promise?” Luke asks, untucking his red face from Anakin’s neck so he can peer up at Obi-Wan.

“I’m sorry I was a bit rough,” Obi-Wan apologizes, coming over and bending down a bit so he’s on the same level as Luke. “I was just worried about you. Promise.”

Luke sniffles but lets go of Anakin to throw himself at Obi-Wan, apologizing all the way.

“Hush,” Obi-Wan says as Leia scrambles up his leg, vying for his attention. With his hands full of children that aren’t his, he raises his head to look at Anakin who’s watching them with a very strange expression on his face. He tilts his head toward the broom and then down to the kids in his arms. “Come along,” he tells them both. “Leia, I’ll finish your braids if you’d like.”

“Braid my hair too!” Luke demands with a pull on Obi-Wan’s shirt.

Luke’s hair is floppy but awfully short. “I’m sure we can figure something out,” Obi-Wan says generously, leaving the kitchen.

“I suppose I’ll just clean this up then?” Anakin calls sarcastically behind them.

“Thank you, darling,” Obi-Wan responds.

There’s the sound of something else breaking, but it’s not Obi-Wan’s problem at the moment.

(A year later, Anakin mentions something over morning coffee about looking for a new apartment, now that he’s got everything straightened out. “We’ll get out of your hair,” he says, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’ll look today since it’s my day off.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t want to examine why that idea makes something curl tightly in his stomach, making him feel vaguely nauseous, but it does. On his way out of the house, he unplugs the router, and then after a second of thought, takes it with him just in case.)

(Quinlan laughs his head off when Obi-Wan sheepishly puts the router down on the desk in front of him. “It’s a bad market right now,” Obi-Wan says defensively. “I’m just looking out for him.”

“Obi, I mean this in the best way possible, but there are at least four professors in the psych department that would probably love to do a case study on you.”)

(Two years after the Skywalkers move in, Obi-Wan is running late for a meeting with the head of his department. The man is stepping down, finally retiring, and Obi-Wan thinks that perhaps he’ll be tapped as the new head. It would mean dropping some of his classes, but it would be worth it.

“I made you a breakfast wrap,” Anakin greets him at the door, holding out a paper bag. “It’s got that salsa you like in it.”

The salsa Obi-Wan likes is the mild version of what Anakin and the kids eat, but Anakin treats it as if it’s from another planet entirely.

“Good luck!” he says with a sweet smile, also passing Obi-Wan a travel mug of what’s hopefully fully caffeinated tea. Obviously Obi-Wan needs it. He got perhaps two full hours of sleep last night, tossing and turning and thinking about this meeting and now he’s running late and his tie is crooked and none of his favorite sweater vests were clean.

“Thank you, dear one,” Obi-Wan mumbles, mind somewhere else. If traffic isn’t too bad, he could still be on time.

“Text me how it goes!” Anakin chirps, following Obi-Wan out the door to stand on the front porch with his arms crossed in an attempt to fight off the early winter chill.

“Yes, of course,” Obi-Wan replies, turning around to brush an absent-minded kiss to Anakin’s lips before hurrying to his car. It’s a twenty minute commute. If he gets his preferred parking spot and runs to the department building, he won’t be late at all.

Is that too much to hope for?

He starts the car and pulls out of the driveway, looking back in the rearview mirror to see Anakin standing frozen on the porch. That’s strange, usually the other man can’t stand being out in the cold.

Obi-Wan gets to the first stop-sign out of the neighborhood before he realizes what he’s done. It’s lucky that he’s already slowing down, because he slams on the brakes. Did he--

Did he kiss Anakin? Did he really kiss Anakin as if he does it all the time? As if they were in a relationship?

Oh shit.

Frantically, he pulls out his cellphone from his bag and checks to see if he has any new messages. He doesn’t.

Oh. Shit.

[homoose]

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part VII

Summary: Spencer’s unresolved trauma catches up with him. Reader gets her heart broken.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: angst, I’m so sorry guys

Warnings/Includes: brief mention of violence and details of a case; brief mention of prison, past trauma; a lil self-loathing and self-sabotaging

Word count: 3.8k

a/n: I knew that this was where this story was going from the very beginning. The dialogue is one of the first parts I had written. It still hurts. Relevant to the story: I operate with the understanding that the Jeid arc does not exist, which also means that Spencer never went to therapy in season 15. Also, huge thanks to @reidscanehand​ for beta-ing and just generally being my hype person!!!!

Song Recs: Shrike by Hozier; Better As a Memory by Kenny Chesney (don’t come for me if Spencer made playlists this would ABSOLUTELY be on there)

Series Masterlist

———

Spencer made his way to Emily’s office, ignoring the team’s eyes on him— varying degrees of understanding, concern, and uncertainty plain on their faces. As he reached the threshold, he paused for a second before moving into her line of sight. When he moved into the doorway, she looked up and waved him in. He closed the door behind him.

She gestured to the chair in front of her desk. Spencer hesitated for only a split second, but it was long enough for her to notice. He lowered himself into the chair and met her eyes.

She folded her hands on top of the desk. “How are you feeling?”

He drummed his fingers across his kneecaps. “I’m fine.”

It was a lie, and they both knew it. She bit back a sigh and flipped open the folder in front of her. “I’m finished with the official report. I wanted to go over it with you before I submit it to the director.” She looked at him briefly before reading out the report. “On January 9th, our team pursued a lead at the residence of suspect Andrew Hurley. We divided into teams to cover the two entrances to the home, as well as the barn behind the house.”

Spencer fidgeted slightly in his chair and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. Emily continued, “During the raid, Supervisory Special Agent Spencer Reid became separated from the team and was ambushed and disarmed by the suspect in the barn.” She paused but didn’t look at him. “The team was unaware of the altercation for some time, during which Dr. Reid employed various approved restraint methods and was ultimately forced to utilize self-defense measures to preserve his own life. Consequently, Mr. Hurley sustained serious injuries.”

She did look at him then, a steady and unrelenting gaze that had him shrinking inside himself. “However, I have determined that Dr. Reid’s actions were justified in order to maintain his own safety.” She returned her eyes to the report. “Mr. Hurley was detained and treated for his injuries at Sebastian River Medical Center, and he is expected to make a full recovery. Based on the cognitive interviews and physical evidence, a grand jury hearing is scheduled for January 25th.” She brought her hands to rest on top of the report.

“I’ll sign off on it and deliver it to the director by the end of business today.” She let out the sigh she’d been holding back. “Reid.”

He pressed his mouth into a thin line, torn between shame and vindication. “Emily.”

“What happened in that barn was unacceptable. And I need you to recognize that.” Her eyes were back on him, a leader’s gaze boring into a weak link. “You went against a direct order. You put your life in danger unnecessarily, and in the process you endangered this entire team. Furthermore, you could have cost us the ability to close this case, to put Hurley away and bring justice to his victims.”

“It won’t happen again,” he assured her.

“No, it won’t.” Her tone told him that if it did, he’d have bigger problems than a meeting in her office. “My recommendation to the director is that you transition to your next mandatory leave cycle early.”

“I can handle—”

“It’s not a request. You’re on sabbatical starting tomorrow. That’s an order, and one you’d do well to follow.” She closed the file in front of her. “We’ll see you back in the bullpen on March 7th.”

“I don’t need more time off, Emily,” Spencer snapped.

He could see her grind her teeth together at his tone, but he couldn’t seem to care enough to feel contrite. She took a deep breath in through her nose, leveling him with a pointed look. “If Simmons hadn’t broken it up, you’d have killed Hurley on the floor of that barn.”

His mind snapped back to the lifeless eyes of Hurley’s victims— eight year old boys in shallow graves. Boys who died afraid, and in pain, and crying out for their mothers. His thoughts raced to the feel of Hurley’s throat under his arm, the crack of the zygomatic under his fist. Emily was right of course. If Matt hadn’t found them in the barn and dragged him up and off of Hurley’s nearly lifeless body, Spencer would have killed him without compunction.

“Reid.” The stern edge was gone from her voice. Spencer refocused his eyes on her face, now showcasing an underlying concern that made his stomach turn. “I’m not recommending another cycle of mandatory counseling at this time, although I reserve the right to require it moving forward. But… I’m asking you to take care of yourself. You’ve been through a lot in the last two years. More than a lot.”

“I said I’m fine,” he insisted, but there was less fire behind it this time.

“And I’m not saying you aren’t,” she countered. “But I am saying that the person in that barn… that wasn’t you. That was not the Reid that I know.” Emily tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “The Reid I know uses his intellect and empathy to see angles that the rest of us miss. He depends on the strength of his mind and his unwavering compassion to diffuse conflicts without violence. He invites his friends to foreign film showings and puppet theater.”

When he didn’t budge, she let out a long breath. “I want you to take the next fifty days to find that Reid and bring him back to us.”

...

Y/N dropped into her desk chair with a huff. They’d been back from winter break for two weeks, and she already needed another vacation. But tomorrow was Friday, and then they had a long weekend. She could make it through one more day.

She closed her eyes for a long moment, tired in the way that only kindergarten teachers fresh off a long break can be. She heard the click of Anita’s shoes coming before she even entered the room, and Y/N couldn’t stop the twitch of her lips.

“Dude. How is it only Thursday?” Anita flopped down into the plush Calm Corner chair.

“This has been the longest week of my life,” Y/N agreed. “My kids were off the chain.”

“There is so much drama in middle school right now,” Anita groaned. “I can’t keep up with all the tea, and you know how I love to stay up to date on the freshest brews.” She shot Y/N a look. “Speaking of, where’s the good doctor?”

“I think they’ve had a lot going on at work,” Y/N surmised. “I haven’t seen Mrs. Jareau in over a month.”

“Well, I’m getting antsy,” Anita complained. “Thought for sure you’d be going steady by now.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel a little impatient herself. If she’d known it would be this long before she’d see him again, she might have made a move when he’d volunteered. Then again, probably not. She sighed.

Her phone chimed with an email message, and she automatically swiped the screen open to read it.

Spencer Reid Re:

Are you free today? If you are, I’ll be at Soho.

...

Spencer sat at the table in the corner of the coffee shop. He sipped absentmindedly at his tea, almost gone cold. He hadn’t waited for a reply before leaving Quantico. He drove straight to the city, figuring he’d wait at Soho until he felt some semblance of calm returning to his body.

He didn’t know why he’d emailed Y/N, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted her to show up. Usually he’d talk to Penelope or maybe JJ. But he’d wanted to get as far from the BAU as possible, and he didn’t want to drag Penelope away from the colorful, safe corner of the world she’d created for herself. He didn’t want to fill it with all the tragedy she’d tried so hard to leave behind.

If Y/N did show, he was certain he could keep the conversation vague, focus on her and the classroom, ask her about her holidays. She wasn’t a profiler, didn’t know his tells well enough. She’d be none the wiser, and he’d have her warmth and presence to focus his energy on, if only for a few hours.

Every time the bell chimed, his eyes flew to the door, searching for her. He knew it was ridiculous. He’d only known her for one hundred and eleven days. Pragmatically, he knew she shouldn’t be the one he wanted to talk to. Realistically, he wasn’t planning to burden her with all of the mess of the past week, the past year, his entire life.

But in the six hundred and forty seven minutes he’d spent with her since September, he’d felt more like himself than he ever had. He was never afraid to be himself with her— the silly story voices, the ridiculous costume, the magic trick, the vulnerability about his mom. All of these pieces of himself were things he usually waited years to show people. It had taken her a matter of weeks to draw them out.

He couldn’t help but believe that if he wanted to, he could tell her everything. She’d know exactly what to say. She’d listen for as long as he could keep talking. She’d cover his shaking hands and wrap him up in the warmth of her spirit. She’d give of herself to guide him back to the person he used to be. She’d be more than willing to use her radiance to illuminate the dark so that he might have a little light again.

The bell sounded, and his eyes focused, and there she was. She was wrapped up in a puffed jacket, a bright blue scarf tied around her neck. Her nose was adorably red from the cold, and she rubbed her hands together as the door closed behind her. Her eyes found him immediately. A small smile turned up the corners of her mouth, and she gave him an enthusiastic wave. And he knew that he was right about all of it.

She approached the table, unwinding her scarf. “Hi!”

“Hi.”

Her eyes flickered over his face, and then settled on his mostly empty mug. “I’ll get you a refill, and then we’ll catch up?”

He nodded, and she headed to the counter. There had been a part of him that thought she wouldn’t come, but of course she did. For some reason, unbeknownst to him, she liked talking to him. Even among his closest friends, he was often made to feel self-conscious about his tendency to ramble, but Y/N had literally asked him to. She sought him out, asked him questions, listened intently, and remembered things he’d told her. She was kind and thoughtful and genuine. Of course she came when he called.

She returned with two mugs, carefully setting them down on the tiny table. She unzipped and removed her jacket, hanging it on the back of her chair and revealing a crew neck sweater covered in tiny astronauts and rocket ships. When she sat across from him, her hands wrapped around the mug and her eyes met his.

“Hi.”

He couldn’t stop his lips from twitching, despite the events of the day. “You said that already.”

She laughed, and he felt the weight begin to lift. “Yeah, well, I haven’t seen you in forever, so— I’m just making up for lost time.”

“Sixty one days.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been sixty one days, eighty eight minutes, and approximately,” he looked at his watch, “fourteen seconds since we saw each other last.”

She laughed again, and his mouth completed its curve. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I like that you’ve been counting.” She let her chin come to rest in her hand, eyes studying his face. “How are you?”

He wanted to lie, but she was looking at him so earnestly that he mumbled out, “I’m managing.”

She mirrored the way he’d looked at her across this same table nearly three months ago. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” That was a lie, too. But asking her to meet him was enough of a burden.

“Okay. Well, if you change your mind at any point, let me know.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Until then, I can just regale you with all the kindergarten stories you’ve missed while you were out saving lives.”

And regale him she did. For almost an hour, he listened to her tales of love (budding crushes were taking over recess time), loss (the class pet— a stuffed zebra— had accidentally taken a swim in the Atlantic on a vacation to Florida), and lessons learned…

“So, in case there was ever any doubt, we are now painfully aware that we shouldn’t attempt to flush our underwear.” Y/N let out an exasperated laugh.

She’d been talking to him for fifty three minutes, and his heart already felt one thousand times lighter. “I’m really glad I wasn’t there for that one.”

“I really wish that was the only poop story I had.” She shook her head. “There are a lot of things they don’t tell you in grad school. I think there’d be a global teacher shortage if they warned you about the amount of bodily fluid management involved in teaching kindergarten.”

She toyed with the edge of her empty mug. He watched the movement of her fingers.

“Do you—”

“Do you—”

She laughed and gestured for him to speak first.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

…

They ended up in Mitchell Park. The trees were bare and the grass was brown, but he was with her, and so it was beautiful.

They’d been walking in comfortable silence, when she asked, “Did you change your mind? About talking about it.”

Spencer put his hands into his pockets. “It’s, um— it’s kind of a lot.”

She shrugged. “I’ve got time.”

“I don’t mean— I mean, it would take some time to get through it all. But it’s also— it’s a lot.”

“We don’t have to.” He could feel her eyes on him. “Do you talk to— someone about it?”

“I talked with my unit chief today,” he answered.

“Okay. But— I mean, have you ever— talked to someone. Like, a professional.”

Spencer bristled slightly. Although he knew she wasn’t passing judgement, her question exposed the reality that she thought he could use it. “I’ve had some mandated counseling over the years.”

“Obviously it’s your choice whether you talk to someone or not,” she mused. “I just— I know that I’ve benefited a lot from seeing my therapist.”

Spencer was unsure of what to do with that information. Here she was, confessing that she went to therapy— sweet, lovely Y/N. In comparison, he wasn’t sure if even daily meetings with a counselor would be enough to tame the darkness that had grown and festered inside him over the years. That sometimes threatened to swallow him whole.

For a long while, there was only the crunch of the frozen ground beneath their feet. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but there was an uncertainty about them that felt uncharacteristically heavy. He was hyper aware of her presence, and so he felt her pace slowing down before she came to a complete stop. He walked a few more paces before it became clear that she wasn’t planning to catch up.

He turned and saw that she’d taken a seat on one of the park benches. He carefully made his way to the bench, sitting beside her quietly. She didn’t look at him, but instead studied her fingernails intently. She cracked her knuckles once, twice, and then turned her body slightly toward him on the bench.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped,” she hedged carefully. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do, or like, imply that there’s anything wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you at all. I just—”

“It’s fine,” Spencer assured her. The way she looked at him then— like he was something fragile, delicate— made his eyes burn. He kept his voice even. “I know what you meant.”

She smiled, eyes crinkling and filled with something that felt familiar and far away all at once. “Good. I can’t have you out here thinking you’re anything less than wonderful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her, attempting to solve the impossible cypher behind her irises. As he failed to decode it, his inability to read her blinded him to what came next. He missed the dilation of her pupils, the way her tongue darted out to wet her lips, the increase of the beats in her carotid. So when she leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, he was momentarily paralyzed.

Her lips were so soft against his slightly chapped ones, pressing with a perfectly gentle pressure. She brought her hand up to cradle his cheek, the pads of her fingers just barely ghosting the curls falling around his ear. She sighed into his mouth and pressed a little closer. He took one peaceful moment to bask in the realization of a desire he’d had for almost four months.

And then she swiped the very tentative tip of her tongue against the seam of his mouth, and his hands involuntarily wound into her hair, dragging her closer. He opened his mouth against hers to swallow her sweet little gasp. His grip on her hair tightened, and she let out the tiniest mewl, and like a switch had flipped— suddenly his mind was full of the darkness she’d spent the evening chasing away.

Y/N beneath him in the dark. Maeve in a pool of blood. His hands around Cat’s neck. His mother’s slap against his cheek. Max walking away from him. His fingers pressing the plunger on a dirty syringe. The slam of the door behind his father. Y/N calling out his name. A knife at his throat under a canopy of bones. Innumerable sets of lifeless eyes staring up at him. His life being snuffed out on the dirt floor of a shed. The clanging of metal bars and fingers ghosting over old bruises. Y/N looking at him with warm, loving eyes. The violent crack of bone underneath his fists. Y/N’s face, lovely and perfect— and then twisted in pain.

He broke away from her, releasing his hold on her hair and pushing her back into the bench. He took a second to gather himself before he dared to look at her. Her hair was tousled from his rough grip; her eyes were half-lidded and focused on him; her lips were red and kiss-bruised and turned up in a small, sweet smile.

And all at once he knew he had to hurt her, and it had to be now. Because what Cat had said about him was true. He might have escaped his mother’s illness, but he hadn’t been able to outrun the violence— and unlike her, he didn’t have the excuse of being sick. He had hurt people, and he had enjoyed it. He would have killed Hurley, and he would have slept soundly. He was no better than the men his team hunted.

Every time he thought he’d moved past it, that wickedness lurking just under the surface would grab him by the throat, choking everything else out. Emily’s directive rang in his ears. Find that Reid and bring him back to us. He knew who she was talking about. The problem was, he wasn’t sure that person still existed.

He was going to hurt Y/N eventually. Better to do it now, before things got too far.

“You’re Michael’s teacher,” he said, as evenly as possible.

Her smile faltered, and she pressed her lips together. He could still feel the phantom press of them against his own, and he was sure he’d never forget it. She cleared her throat. “You’re right, you’re totally right. I, um— I won’t be in a few months, and maybe then—”

“You don’t even know me,” he interrupted.

Now there was confusion in her eyes. That much he could read. She huffed out a small laugh. “I— I don’t think that’s entirely true.”

He looked directly at her. “Why? Because you read my bio on a university website? Because we got tea a couple times?” His voice sounded harsh, patronizing, and he hated it.

Her confusion shifted into shock, and he ignored the tug on his heart. “Are you serious?” she questioned, genuinely searching for a sign that he was joking.

“Dead serious.” He shrugged, and it felt like his bones were breaking. “You don’t really know anything about me, Y/N. If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now.”

“Where— where is this coming from?” Her voice was small, close to breaking. He lined up the last nail on the lid of the coffin.

“Maybe I gave you the wrong impression. I’ve appreciated talking to you. Volunteering in your classroom was entertaining. But I don’t— I don’t see you that way.” It was a lie, and if he didn’t have such a practiced poker face, she might have seen through it. As it was, his poker face had helped get him banned from every casino in Vegas, so he watched her as he hammered the final nail. “You’re just Michael’s kindergarten teacher.”

“Oh.” The hurt flashed across her features— the furrow of her brow, the tightening of her mouth, the storm clouds in her eyes. “Well, I— I really read this wrong, huh?” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.

“Yeah.” He put his hands into his pockets to keep himself from reaching for her, the desire to comfort her a strange juxtaposition to the pain he was intentionally inflicting on her. “I guess so.”

She opened and closed her mouth twice before taking a deep breath and nearly whispering, “Okay. Well. I’m— I’m gonna go.”

She brushed some imaginary dust from her pants and then stood. She turned to him, and he waited for her to explode— to scream and curse at him. But it didn’t come. She didn’t look at him at all. “Um— yeah. I’m gonna go.”

He didn’t say anything, and he knew she’d take his silence as indifference. But he had to keep his mouth shut, because if he didn’t, he’d beg her to stay. He’d tell her every single random piece of information he had stored in his brain. He’d tell her that he loved her from the moment he watched her help a child pick a solution from a pencil box. He’d tell her that he only ever dreamt of two things these days— her or the lives he didn’t save. He’d tell her every single one of his deepest, darkest secrets. He’d tell her that sometimes he was so afraid of himself that he could barely breathe. And if he told her all of that, she’d walk away anyway.

So instead, he watched her turn and start back up the path, hugging her arms around herself and swiping her cheek against her scarf.

When she disappeared over the slope of the path, he scrubbed his hands over his own damp face and let himself break.

———

Permanent tags: @andiebeaword​​ @averyhotchner​​ @pinkdiamond1016​​ @shadyladyperfection​​ @coffeeandendlesswords​​​ @justanothetfangirl​​​ @no-honey-no​​​ @ajeff855​​​ @sapphic-prentiss​​​ @eevee0722​​​ @rexorangecouny​​​ @rainsong01​​ @goldentournesol​​ @blameitonthenight21​​ @moviequeen51​​ @90spumkin​

Series tags: @spacedikut​ @uhuhuh​ @itsametaphorbriansblog​ @magenta145​ @annesauriol​ @watermelongubler​ @ampal98​ @meowiemari​ @mrsmyaweasley​ @mggsprettygirl​ @ceeellewrites​ @daybabyx​ @joalsglasses​ @chevyimpala00067​ @misshale21​ @ilzieah​​ @froggybagels​​ @gublersbooblers​ @matthcwgraygubler​ @takeyourleap-of-faith​ @mrs-dr-reid​ @flklrevrmre​ @andromedasstarship​ @joodeduarte

Broken tags: @saspencereid @this-is-gublerween