#i may regret this post in the future

[napping-sapphic]

*gives you a gay little kiss that feels like home*

[lunawlw]

so all the talk about land back along with abolishing the police, down with capitalism, all cops being bastards, punching nazis, being gay doing crimes, and black lives matter was just a fucking lie from yall huh

[retroaria]

Michael Kaiser. That’s it. That’s the post.

i’m having kaiser thoughts. i’m pondering my orb, and all it’s showing me is michael kaiser. the evil voices in my head (my ask box) are taunting me (sending very nice requests) to sell my soul to michael kaiser (finally write something about him) and so here i am.

summary: random kaiser hc’s (lmk if you want more/nsfw ones)

BLUE LOCK M.LIST | enjoy 🪽 - aria

• thinking about how possessive he would be in a relationship. it isn’t overbearing, in the sense that he trusts you and lets you do you’re own thing. however, he’s a rather insecure man behind all that smug douchebaggery that he puts off and he has a hard time watching you interact with other men of his same stature. because truly, no matter how good he is to you, he isn’t the best person all around. there are guys out there that would be better for you and he can’t help be fear that you’ll be swept off your feet and taken from him.

• Kaiser is gentle with you. you actually turned him into a completely different person. It’s not that you’ve really changed him at his core, but you’ve opened him up to love he didn’t know before, and so he feels like he has nothing to be afraid of with you. he’s vulnerable and expressive and happy with you. he makes sure to provide that same experience for you in the relationship, making sure you always know you can go to him for anything and you don’t have to hide anything from him.

• In the beginning of the relationship, Kaiser is very protective of your privacy. He’s really afraid of the consequences that may come with the world knowing who you are and who you are to him. he’s not naive, he knows there’s bad people out there. not only that, but it’s no one else’s right to know you’re love for each other. i see him doing a soft launch and that’s it. after that he’ll post you on occasion and be a little less aggressive about hiding from paparazzi, but he still doesn’t want to share you. you’re his whole world, keyword HIS.

• kaiser LOVES intimacy. physical or emotional, he loves those sweet loving moments that come to fruition from the trust and bond the two of you have cultivated. he loves showering and taking baths with you, relishing in the gentle touches as the two of you clean each other up. they’re always filled with soft giggles and quick kisses, before drying each other off and snuggling up. he loves listening to you talk about your day, not sparing him from details you may have spared others from. telling him all the thoughts and actions you aren’t proud of, unafraid of being judged in his eyes. the vulnerability of it all makes his heart beat fast, but you’re both so trusting and in love that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

• this might be a hot take, but i feel like the concept of marriage would scare him a bit. it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with you, because he absolutely does and already plans on it. it’s just a level of commitment that he never thought anyone would dedicate to him. he doesn’t want you to end up regretting it in the future. he doesn’t shy away from conversation about it though, he actually wants you guys to talk about it and get a feel for where you both stand. when the time comes to take that next step, he’s as ready as ever. just make sure you don’t break his heart please (or i’ll find you bro.)

• dates with kaiser can either be extravagant and classy or they can be chill and sweet, he can do both. sometimes he wants to take you to the nicest restaurants he can fine, see you all dolled up looking absolutely stunning for him, and pamper you the entire night. other times he just wants the two of you to do something fun and spontaneous, would take you to a fair and win you all the stuffed animals you want, or would take you on a stroll around the city, letting you frolick through the shops while he holds all your bags for you. he’s such a gentleman either way.

• kaiser loves being domestic with you. doing the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, making dinner, he loves it. in those moments he finds himself wishing they would last forever, just the two of you existing in each others presence, he has nothing to worry about.

moon divider- @strangergraphics-archive

[idioticbat]

Idk how to write this, but I got caught in the south Brazil floods. My partner and I have been homeless since last Saturday, we've stayed until this Thursday at a shelter, but things were getting worse and worse, and my partner's company paid a hotel stay in another town till the next week or two.

Thursday/Friday on the week before the last (may 2nd and 3rd) we were housing two friends, who were already homeless due to the flood which had just started. They're also both trans and have no family to support them.

Friday morning the power went out and our friends left for a shelter. In the evening, my partner and i went for a walk to check how bad things were, and it was already flooding a mere 3 and a half blocks from our house. On the time it took for us to walk across that block, the water was already covering our feet.

We rushed back home and the street in front of where we live was starting to get covered in water. We carried everything we could to the attic, mostly my art stuff, computer, etc. We originally planned to stay home and survive a couple days until it got better. I barely slept that night because I knew the water was coming, so my brain was on maximum alert. I woke up after 3 hours of sleep, from a dream that I was trying to escape the flood.

When I woke up, we organized a bit more and ate lunch for breakfast. On the time it took for us to eat, the water was already at our doorstep, and we rushed to pack. I had a panic attack as the water rushed into our house, and a police officer rescued us and carried our bags inside a barrel. I only got a few clothes, medication for two weeks, basic hygiene stuff, plushies and some food. My partner got clothes and their laptop. I regret not picking my computer.

We had to swim and waddle through 1.60m+ (5'3") deep water for two blocks. On some places it was probably close to 2m. It felt like an eternity passed while we found our way through the cold water. Some neighbours who were also helping us recommended us a place for shelter. After we crossed a bridge, some person gave us a ride, so at least we didn't have to walk 3km to the shelter.

We got there really early on Saturday, the university which was one of the places being used as a shelter had just opened, so we were able to shower and eat. They also gave us new clothes. As it got more packed, we got help from volunteer psychologists, who gave us a separate room in another floor, since both my partner and I have autism.

I had more panic attacks but we got some help from other volunteers. Things were otherwise fine throughout Sunday and Monday, we managed to shower once more. Stuff started getting worse on Tuesday, as the place went from sheltering some 100-200 people to around 700. We were seeing the psychologists only once a day for a couple minutes and food started getting delayed for hours. Water was also scarce and we started having power outages.

Wednesday we were without food til 4pm, and since we also had pretty much lost access to the psychologists, we accepted the offer from my partner's company to take us to a hotel in another town. Thursday we left for the hotel, I showered for the first time since in four days, had lunch and finally changed my patreon password so I can post from my phone, as I do pretty much everything from my computer. Yesterday and today (friday/saturday, one week later), i finally managed to have computer access on my partner's laptop and log in to tumblr, cohost and so on.

I'm still not sure what we'll do about the future. Our place was rented and all the furniture that belonged to the house will be lost. Our landlord lives in another country and it's almost impossible to contact her. The kitchen and laundry appliances are still underwater and I guess we'll lose all of these. We can't afford to renew a house that isn't ours, and buy new appliances on top of that. We have nowhere to go that's nearby after this is over, no family, and our few friends are worse off. I'm not even sure I'll be able to recover my computer since the roof on the attic is leaky, and there'll be even more rain this weekend.

I feel absolutely crushed inside. Some people have tried to get me art supplies and I did draw a bit on a whiteboard in the classroom we were staying at in the shelter, but it's not the same thing. I can't feel any kind of inspiration knowing I might be completely homeless in two weeks, knowing the only two friends we have here might also be homeless, knowing I might have lost more than 15 years of art and music that were on my computer, that I might have lost thousands of physical drawings and so on. But I'm just trying my best to not think about any of that, so I just feel numb, occasionally I cry and feel anxious. My partner has also been trying to cheer me up since we got to the hotel, but i still feel pretty terrible. I haven't slept more than 5 hours straight in some 10 days. A lot of the time I dissociate and everything feels surreal.

I'll leave my ko-fi here in case anyone wants to donate. I also want to help our two friends with at least 100usd if possible, since they're even more vulnerable than my partner and I. If you have me on discord, please dm me instead and I'll give you my paypal address.

[vrystalius]

Cuddle bug? Cuddle bear.

Gyomei thought he’d prefer holding you in his arms, but it seems like it’s the opposite.

Pairing: Gyomei x gn!reader

Gyomei always leaves right before you go to bed. You invite him to stay and offer to let him sleep together with you in bed, but he always declines. You two have been dating for almost 3 years and the stone hashira continued to visit you almost every day now, it wouldn’t be weird to ask him to cuddle with you through the night, right? At first you thought that was the reason he didn’t want to stay the night. The second reason you thought he might not want to stay is that Gyomei fears that you want to sleep with him. You’re not 100% sure how he feels about that topic, but since he’s a religious monk, you’d think he’d rather not do it with you. You decided to ask him himself on why he didn’t want to stay the night…

“I’m afraid I might be too large for your bed. Too tall and heavy, beloved.”

Oh. Oh! You almost wanted to giggle a little. You thought it might’ve been because of you or whatever else reason, but that should’t be a problem. Tears were running down his face while you explained to him that your bed frame is incredibly sturdy and your bed itself large enough to host both of you. It didn’t take much to convince him to finally share the bed with you for the first time. Gyomei removed his yukata and unbuttoned his uniform, but keeping his pants on for comfort purposes. He was hesitant putting all his weight down onto your bed at first, but carefully came closer and closer to your body. A smile started spreading on your face as his muscular arms slowly wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer carefully.

“May I…?”

His voice was hushed and even deeper. You could feel the rumbles in his chest while he was talking. You hummed in approval to his question. That cue made Gyomei pull you right up against his warm body, making you nuzzle your face against his chest. You sighed contently and wrapped your arms around his chest, your hand lazily traced his back muscles. He sighed deeply and buried his head in your neck. You slowly shifted positions, your collarbone and chest against him while your legs wrap around his waist. Your hand moved from his muscles up to the back of his head, running your fingers through his short hair. Gyomei closed his eyes. You felt his whole body relax against you, him now being nothing but an oversized teddy bear. You grinned and leaned down, softly pressing your lips against his forehead. Silent tears ran down his face, but not in sorrow. A soft smile grazed his face as his arms wrapped around you tighter.

“I regret not accepting your offer before. I apologise, my beloved.”

“I’m glad you did now, ‘mei.”

You cupped his cheek and tilted his face, your lips finally meeting his. Gyomei hummed approvingly, his palms kneading your soft skin beneath them. The smile on his face grew after pulling away from you. He nuzzled his face back into your neck and placed featherlight kisses there before closing his eyes. Your fingers continued to work their way through his hair while he let himself get pampered by you.

Gyomei is only completely at peace when in your arms, he notes.

🎃

Fictober prompt: “Let’s try this”

I’m sorry if this was too short, but I hoped you enjoyed it anyway! @los-huesitos asked me to tag them in future Gyomei works I post but for some reason the tag isn’t working. I hope you see this anyway!! I noticed how… sad.. my masterlist for Gyomei is, so I wanted to write a little something for him today.

Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough <3

Take care of yourselves!

Here’s my event masterlist 🎃

[frostdayz]

More than enemies

Genre: Enemies to Lovers

aemond x reader (aemond uncle and y/n niece!!) (f! reader)

summary: Y/n is Rhaenyra's only daughter and at a young age she is betrothed to her uncle to keep the peace between the two families. Years pass without seeing each other, but when the day of the wedding arrives feelings are changed and emotions are spilled.

Note: Laptops on 3% so this was super rushed and tbh idk if i like it. Anyways this might be my last HOTD post for a while (I might be lying to myself)

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

My wedding day. I stand before a mirror, the silver and red gown draped elegantly over my form, my mother's house colors blending with those of House Targaryen. My heart races, not with excitement, but with apprehension.

Aemond Targaryen. My betrothed. My enemy. The boy I had loathed for as long as I could remember. Our union was meant to be a symbol of peace between our families, a bridge over troubled waters. But to me, it had always felt like a shackle.

I had not seen Aemond in years, not since we were children. He had been sent away to train, and I had remained in Dragonstone, under my mother's watchful eye. Now, as I prepare to meet him again, I wonder if he has changed. If I have changed.

The door creaks open, and my mother enters, her face soft with maternal concern. "Are you ready, my daughter?" she asks, her voice gentle.

I nod, though my heart is anything but steady. "As ready as I'll ever be, Mother."

She takes my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "This union is important for the realm. But more than that, it is a chance for you to find happiness." She smiles at me.

Happiness. The word seems foreign in the context of my impending marriage to Aemond. But I nod again, forcing a smile. "I understand." I sigh.

With a final kiss on my forehead, she leads me to the great hall. The steps we leave behind sound out an echo that leads me to my new and unwanting future. The doors swing open, and I step inside, my eyes scanning the crowd until they land on him. Aemond. He stands tall, his silver hair gleaming, his eye patch adding an air of mystery. Our gazes lock, and for a moment, the world falls away.

He looks dare I say different? Stronger. More confident. And in his remaining eye, I see something I had not expected. Curiosity. Apprehension. Perhaps even a hint of regret. Regret for all the torment he gave me when I was a child. Or regret going through with this wedding and not running away while he had the chance?

Without my mind wanting to my feet start to walk me down the aisle, my mind races with memories of our childhood. The arguments, the insults, the constant competition. Does he still feel the same all these years later?

I reach the altar, and he takes my hand. His grip is firm, but not harsh. I look up at him, searching his face for any sign of the boy I had despised. Instead, I find a man who looks at me with wonder and uncertainty. Something I didn't expect to find, my eyes linger on his face confused with the feeling that's starting to stir inside my stomach.

The ceremony passes in a blur, words exchanged, vows made. And then, it is done. We are married. Bound together by duty and destiny.

Later, at the feast, I find a moment to escape the throng of well-wishers and slip into one of the halls in the keep, seeking comfort in the quiet lit hall. Moments later, I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and find myself face-to-face with my now-new husband.

"May I join you?" he asks, his voice devoid of the arrogance I had once associated with him. He takes a few shy steps forward as if he is scared that I will reject him.

I give a small nod, and he steps beside me, his gaze fixed on me the whole time. For a while, we walk in silence, the tension between us palpable. Finally, he speaks.

"I never wanted this," he admits, his voice soft. "I never wanted to be bound by duty to someone who hated me." He stops his steps and looks away from my gaze.

"I never wanted it either," I reply, my own voice tinged with bitterness. "But here we are." I take a step forward so I am now standing right in front of him, he lifts his head to look at me, his expression earnest. "Perhaps... perhaps we were wrong about each other. Perhaps there is more to us than the hatred we clung to as children."

I look up at him towering over me, searching his face for any sign of deceit. But all I see is sincerity. "Do you really believe that?" My eyes softening

He nods, taking my hand in his and looking down fiddling with the rings on my hand. "I do. And I think... I know I would like to try. To see if we can be more than enemies."

My heart skips a beat at his words. Could it be possible? Could the years of animosity have been a mask for something deeper, something neither of us had been ready to acknowledge?

"I would like that too," I whisper, feeling a weight lift from my shoulders. I take my hand out of his grasp and lift it up to graze his right cheek. I wouldn't in a million years think that I would be open to the thought of falling for the man I once hated.

He smiles and leans his head into my palm planting a soft kiss. "Then let us start anew, my wife. Let us find out who we truly are, together."

I feel a spark of hope. Perhaps this union, born of duty, could become something more. Something real. And for the first time, I see Aemond not as my enemy, but as my partner, my equal, and perhaps, one day, my love and the father of my future children.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Winter's King 28

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, cheating, violence, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a maid to the Duke of Debray, a lord of the Summer Kingdom. That is, until the king of Winter appears with his particular air of coldness. (Medieval AU)

Characters: Geralt of Rivia

Note: It might be my only full length chapter this week but pls enjoy.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

The king keeps you within his sight. As promised, the cloak is brought to the tower chamber. You dawn it as the king pulls on the layers of his duty; tunic, breeches, leather armour, boots, cloak, and the small accoutrements to ward off the cold. For how hotly he burned beside you in the night, you would think he could not feel the winter. 

It is early still. The gray of the sky never fully recedes but it is neither pale nor dark. Even so, the day has come. 

There is a single tap at the door. The king backs away from the hearth. You sit at the table, restless in the cloak with the wolf patch. He calls for the knocker to enter. 

Bryce appears from the other side, his saddles bags over one shoulder. "My king. Roach is ready." 

"Very well," he nods, "summer maid," he turns and beckons to you with two thick fingers, "the good lord will take you ahead." 

"My leige?" Bryce wonders what you do not dare ask. 

"Only be concerned that she remains safe. Warm," he nears and shamelessly caresses your check. You flinch as you refuse to falter.  "You will get her to the capital ahead of us. You will be fleet without so many to slow you." 

You meets Bryce's gaze. In all that you've known him, he has never looked afraid. There is fear gleaming on his eyes. 

"I will always serve you, my king. And never have I denied your command, but might I speak plain?" The soldier faces his master. 

"I prefer you for your candour," King Geralt returns. 

"This will not go without note," Bryce says. "Not least of all by the queen." 

"The queen cares little for the maid. She only cares she has someone at her whim." 

"Be that as it may, but it is not her who would notice. Yet, whoever did, would be certain she hears of it--" 

"I fear not my wife and her temper. She is tawdry. A child. Let her whine and stomp her feet," the king dismisses. "Your concern is appreciated. I understand you only mean to protect me, but I care more to keep her safe." 

"Yes, my king," Bryce accedes, "I will not let any harm come upon the maid. As I've not yet done." 

"It is why I trust only you and Roach. Be gone before the party is abreast." The king faces you, surprising you as he kneels before you. You blanch as you notice the shift in the soldier's posture. "My tender maid, keep you well. I regret that it need be this way but after last eve, I must have you away from this tumultuous party." He takes your hand and pets your knuckles before kissing them. He admires your fingers as if they are adorned in gems. "I will see you in the capital. There, then, we can be happy." 

“My king,” you breathe, “what about the queen?” 

“I shall tend to her should she be dissatisfied. That is no longer your worry. She does not deserve you, treasure.” He avows. 

You stare at him. His eyes are eerie in the low light. You would not and cannot deny him. 

“Yes, your highness, as you wish,” you concede. It was never truly your choice. 

“Before we part, pet,” he squeezes your hands. “A kiss?” 

You hesitate. The soldier turns to the door and feigns ignorance. You dip your chin. The king tilts his head up and you lean forward. As you aim for his forehead, he brings his lips to yours.  

He releases your hands and quickly cradles your head as he braces your hip. His tongue pokes along your lips and you relent to his will. That is as it will be. As it has always been. You have ever been servant. 

He finally parts, humming as his bright irises glimmer, “my treasure, my love,” he rasps. 

“My king, I wish you a safe journey,” you utter. 

“And I shall bid the fates the same of you,” he drags his hand down your thigh and stands. “Safe and quick. Off, before my weak heart gets the best of my mind.” 

Bryce’s sole scuffs and he clears his throat, “come, maid. Put your hood up.” 

You stand and bow your head. You pass close to the king, your cloak stirring against him, and you cross to the soldier. He opens the door and trails you out. You do as he bid and pull your hood up. You descend the twisting steps in silence. 

The corridors are no less hollow and a bitter draft wafts through. The roiling of Bryce’s thoughts ripples from him as he marches next to you. You can only sense him past the fabric of the hood. 

“I shall make you tea for the road,” Bryce says at last. “It should keep you warm.” 

“Thank you, sir, but it isn’t needed,” you say. “We should leave quickly.” 

“Aye, we will be away ‘fore any know,” he agrees, “but not without the tea.” 

You offer no further protest. It isn’t your right to argue. You haven been bidden and so you will do. Obedience never chafed before. Obedience was safe, it was sustenance for any maid. 

You go to the kitchens and wait as Bryce boils water and brews a dark tea from leaves in a pouch he digs from his tunic. He offers it. It carries a pungent aroma. You blow over it and sip. You make a face. 

“It is... strong,” you murmur. 

“So it is, but the leaf will help warm your blood,” he insists and paces back and forth. He is restless to be away. You are as well. 

You drink and he ushers you away to the stables. You stride along the row of stalls and he dodges the nip of a dark steed. He flattens himself against another door and snarls, “the damned beast. ‘Less you can tame her, the king’ll have to keep her ‘neath his stubborn arse.” 

You recognise the mare. It is Roach, the king’s mount. You stare at her and she turns her nose to you. 

“Be wary lest she chomps off your face,” the soldier girds. 

You have little mind to worry for your own nose. You raise your hand pet the creature’s long snout as she plumes hot air from her nostrils. He pushes against your palm and eases, leaning into your touch as you brush along her long head. 

“Come, Roach, we have far to go... I believe,” you say. “Be kind to Sir Bryce. He is brave and kind.” 

“Aye, she seen me ‘fore and I never think she’s thought so,” he snorts, keeping his distance. 

You drag your touch down her neck and put your hand on the latch of her door. She nuzzles your hood and you free her. She steps out as Bryce lingers behind you. 

“Can you saddle a horse? Else I’ll have to brave her bites,” he says. 

“I can. Fetch it and her bit.” 

You dress the horses. Daisy is left behind as Bruce claims Chestnut as his own. You’ll miss your usual mount. 

You get astride and head off into the cold dawn. Your stomach churns as you descend the treacherous mountainside. You’re not sure if it is the thin air, the turmoil of what you ride away from, or ride towards. Perhaps it is all at once. 

Bryce stops you in a natural alcove, away from the winds as he searches his saddle bag. He hands you a leather packet. There are oats and nuts within. He spits out the red leaf he chews so often and nibbles on dried meat instead. 

You eat in silence. The food does not aid in the condition of your stomach. You feel rotten. 

The soldier squints and glances out from between the rockface. He tuts and shakes his head. He puts away the jerky and struts out into the open. He looks up the pass. 

“Eh, I know you’ve been there since we left. Better you show your face before I show my steel,” he warns the wind. 

You frown and fold down the flap of the packet. You hear scratching, then it comes clearer, footsteps. How did he know? Why did he not say a word? 

“It is I, sir,” Ezme declares. “Lord Vesemir--” 

“Aye, I know he sent ya. Why?” Bryce crosses his arms. You step away from Roach as she stomps. 

“He did speak with our great king last eve,” she appears just at the edge of your view. “He offered to keep the made. That the king might return to his throne ‘fore he come back to claim her.” 

“And he was denied.” Bryce says. 

“The king was not amenable, no, yet... Lord Vesemir acts only in accord with his duty. He vowed to protect King Geralt--” 

“And to serve him. As I have,” Bryce insists. “No, you will not have her. I’ve been commanded to take her away.” 

“You could remain. Lord Vesemir knows many secret places. Those that are not on maps. It would be as if the two of you were lost. The king wouldn’t know--” 

“He would,” Bryce growls. “I am not fool, even if all others in this forsaken realm might be. I do like my head on my neck.” 

“It is not safe. Not for the king or the maid. Not for you,” Ezme counters.  

“There is nothing safe in this world. Never has been,” Bryce scoffs. “Be away before I prove that.” 

“Sir Bryce, you have never been unkind.” 

“You ask me to commit treason. How should I be?” He retorts. 

Her head shrinks down. She slowly turns to you. Bryce moves to block her. She stops short and speaks over his arm. “Dear friend, know that Lord Vesemir’s invitation will remain. Always. Even after you leave this day.” 

You blink at her. Your heart is racing. You feel sick. Knots tie into themselves in your chest and stomach. You blow out a cloud of warmth breath into the frigid mountain air. 

“Thank you, friend,” you reply. “I shall follow the king’s command.” 

“I understand,” she purses her lips grimly. She steps back and faces the soldier again, “safe journey.” 

He sighs, “you know I cannot accept.” 

“And I had to try,” she says then spins and disappears back up the incline. 

“So is our call to keep on,” Bryce strides back to you and the horses. “Better sooner, the road will unwind on and on. I tire of it already.” 

You climb back into the saddle and set off again. The further you get, the worse you feel. As if you might be sick, or even as if you might need to lift your skirts in some hidden brush. You feel so wretched you can hardly focus on anything but your body. 

“Sir,” you say, “I must stop.” 

“Aye, mouse, we might,” he reins Chestnut as you tug on Roach.  

You nearly fall off of her in your panic. You are going to spew. You stumble and turn to hide the eruptions. You spit up onto the dirt. 

“I have water,” Bryce offers from behind you. 

“A moment, sir,” you breathe as fullness pulses in your pelvis. 

You go around Roach and hide behind her. You pull up the front of the dress, letting the skirts and cloak shield your back. You reach between your legs as slip your hands down your wool underclothes. Your palm comes away streaked and red. Your blood has come. Early. 

“Are you well?” The soldier asks. 

“Sir, I am,” you assure him and wipe your hand on the underside of the skirt. “It is only a womanly trouble.” 

“Aye, oh, aye,” he grumbles awkwardly. “Take ye time, then.” 

You lean on Roach and close your eyes. You are horribly sore already and exhausted to the bone. Still, you can do nothing but persist.  

“I’m ready, sir,” you lift yourself back into saddle. “I would away.” 

“If we are swift, we will be on flat ground by nightfall,” he says. 

⚔️

The days wear on. The first week is counted by the days of your cycle. The pain and the fatigue has you aware of each moment. Then it is the moon that marks the waning of time. 

The road winds away from the mountains and onto the flatlands. Only for a time before trees rise around you and shroud you in shadow, both dusk and dawn. Between the fir needles and veined bark are those noises that keep you unsettled. 

You camp before a small fire. Bryce works at planting the posts to drape canvas over. The snow is kept off the ground by the thick canopy of branches above. There is some dusting here and there, but it is mostly dry. 

“What can I do, sir?” You ask, as you have done every night. 

“I tell ya again to sit and warm yourself,” he sneers as he hammers in the post. 

“And I repeat I would like to help,” you insist. 

“I can manage. I’m not old man,” he sniffs as he grabs the canvas roll. 

“I know...” you pause as you hear another faraway whine. It sends a shiver through you. “Sir, what are those sounds?” 

He chortles as he works at spreading the canvas over the poles. “Why those are the frostwolves. And the low rumbles will be the bears. The skittering the snow foxes, and the shrill ones, those are the winter birds.” He explains, “they leave ya alone, so long as you keep the fire burning.” He ties a corner into place, “besides, they hate the smell of me.” 

“What?” You gasp, amused. 

“Aye, the don’t like my stench. I came eye-to-eye with a bear. Oh, he didn’t stick around to get a second look,” he scoffs. “And I said to the beast, I don’t mess with ya, don’t be gnawing on my leg. See, I’ve got a truce with the winter beasts.” 

You laugh and sway as you hug yourself. It is awfully cold. Your ears and head hurt almost constantly, even with your hood in place, and the gloves only do so much to keep your fingers from tingling, or your boots for your toes. 

“I s’pose they might be lured by the sweet scent of a summer’s maid. A new flavour,” he teases. 

“You scare me, sir.” 

“Scare you? Oh, but this beast is your friend. You needn’t fear the others.” 

You smile through chattering teeth. He stands straight and eyes you with hands on his hips. “Get close to the fire. You don’t want to catch the ague. Not around here.” 

“I am well, sir,” you promise. 

“Then stay well,” he nears and grabs your wrists. He drags you to the pit and guides your hands over the flames. “Keep close to the horses even. They reek but they put off heat more than cinder.” 

You nod and keep your arms out. It is nice by the fire. The further you get on the road, the colder it is. You could never dream of anything so frigid. It makes you wonder how any can survive in this place, let alone build castles or sow a field. And the more you think of what you don’t know, you are faced with what you do know. 

Your fate is as certain as any of the king’s commands. You will remain in the Hinterlands. It will be your home thus you should acquaint yourself to it. You should become tolerant to the winds and the snow and the wailing beasts. 

“Sir Bryce,” you eke out. “Will you tell me more about these woods?” 

“These woods? Trees, wolves, dirt,” he shrugs. 

“No, sir, I want to know more. I want to know everything. About the Winter Kingdom and the people who built it. What about the king? Not our king, but the one before? I hear much and yet I feel I know less.” 

He huffs and tilts his head, “it is best you know as little as possible about that one.” 

“Was he very bad?” You wonder. 

He sniffs, “I can’t tell you all but what I can is that he was selfish. He was negligent of his kingdom and his people even his own son. He let these lands go to spoil. His name is not one any speaks lightly. It is the reason our king is so loved. Because he is all that his father was not.” He dusts off his hands and shakes his head. “At least, we all hope that proves true.” 

[easy-there-leftovers]

I See You, Darling (3)

[Astarion x reader] As I mentioned in a previous post, this came along surprisingly easier than the last one. The same can’t be said about the quality though maybe– sorry for that. :,DDD|Word count: 2.6k.| 

Content Warnings: Mentions of cooking, handling knives, blood, one sex joke (lol), the normal warnings that you’d associate with the game

Part 2 here!!

Next Part here!!

As an outsider to most of everyone’s problems, you find your place by helping in whatever way you can. Even if that may be at the expense of your own comfort, but at least it’s been fun so far.

Alternatively: Reader can't catch a break from anything, can they?

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Being resident camp caretaker was surprising, for lack of a better term. You were away from the stresses of technology, corporate assholes, and disappointing family with your choice to pursue unpractical careers. Instead living the “cottagecore lifestyle” of foraging for food and cooking with a cauldron that those from the digital world claimed to be the best. What they failed to mention were the incessant pests coming in to nibble through rucksacks if you were not careful, and the occasional swarms of ants or flies coming in to nip at your flesh.

The experience was a mixed bag, so it would seem. But the tired smiles that the group would give you when you greet them with a warm and filling meal was always a comfort that you would have.

And it would seem they needed it now more especially than ever.

Your band of misfits planned to venture out and defeat the goblins at their camp in order to aid the tieflings’ journey to Baulder’s Gate. Per your instruction, you convinced the more solipsistic members of the benefits of eradicating the sect. Namely, they wouldn’t hinder you as much in the future if they were taken care of. Hence your plan to slightly increase the amount of portions for supper tonight.

By twilight, you had a good broth steeping in your cauldron. The camp having returned just a few moments prior from an earlier excursion. You were making a pottage that the others have expressed their enjoyment for. A stew of sorts that you had made when you had quite the number of items that would have spoiled before consumption had you not done anything about it. A mixture of fruits and meat, stewed in a consomme of a pig’s head and various mushroom caps. 

This time around, you’ll be using fresher ingredients to hopefully lift their spirits.

As you’re chopping up fruits, you think about all that’s happened to you and possible explanations for why your character suddenly ceased to exist in order to make room for you.  What’s more is that no matter how many nights pass, you never end up waking from your dream. Which you fear is lasting longer than your usual ones.

Your working theory is that whatever force, be it magic or fate, tethering you to this world is also responsible for removing Tav. Astarion claimed that he couldn’t remember the finer details when you had confronted  him. And so you settled with that hypothesis. That like how a thread that unravels opens a seam in a garment, a new thread must be used to darn the cloth together again.

You laugh at the disgustingly poetic analogy you created in your head. You fear that you’re becoming more and more deranged as—

“My, aren’t you busy?” The intrusive voice causes the knife to slip out of your hand a bit, thankfully only cutting off a portion of your index finger’s nail. Your shoulders, that were raised in alarm, release their tension after feeling the sudden chill leave your body.

“Astarion,”  Exasperated, you put the knife down on the cutting board to catch your breath for a while. 

“I would greatly appreciate it if you stopped sneaking up on me when I’m doing something dangerous.”

The high-elf offers a mischievous smile in response. “Very sorry, pet. But it’s hardly my fault when you’ve barely been paying attention to me.” There’s regret in his words, but not in his tone.

Because while perhaps it’s an odd interest, he enjoys hearing the quickened pace of your heart. The pulse getting louder, as it stays that way for longer.

“I’d feel sorry for doing so if you were too, but you’re not.”

You laugh out, breath still shaky but steadying slowly, as you pick up your knife again.

 “I heard you’re part of the encampment that’s finishing off the goblins by midmorn.” Chopping the rest of the fruits, you feel his presence move from behind you to off to your side so you can see him from your peripherals.

“Hm? Yes. Although I would have preferred if we didn’t do this at all. It’s too much work, and the goblins could be entertaining! Killing useful spoils seems like an awful waste.” 

This must be the reason why he approached you, to persuade you to call off the hunt. And his unfading smile supports that thought. When you voice said thought, it earns you a playful scoff.

“Don’t you have anything else on your mind other than the parasite lounging in it?”

The mood is light as you say this, the banter welcomed by you both. 

And as you continue to converse, a few eyes begin to follow the two of you. They’ve never really seen Astarion interact with you for this long, at least not away from your private spaces. And even less without hushed voices. The interlocution is definitely a welcome spectacle to them. 

“On my honor, the only thing on my mind is depraved, carnal lust.” He says, proudly. Gesturing to himself with one hand, and the other held high like he was swearing an oath. 

Your closed mouth drops into frown, eyes wide, and your eyebrows skew upwards. A very undignified, but small, squeak coming from the back of your throat. You swore you heard someone groan in disappointment from far away too.

You know full well that the look of shock that you were sporting was by no means attractive, but the flagrant revelation, though not at all out of character, was shocking to have directed towards you. You’ve been trying to romance the elven vampire with your character, only to end up nowhere. Therefore you are completely unsure if the dialogue he was spewing was completely a figment of your imagination, or is, indeed, canon.

The elf in question has seen this expression of yours before. Quite often, too. And while he doesn’t think it a, “pleasant sight,” it is rather… charming to him. 

Whether it be on purpose or not, people have the tendency to be on guard around him, preserving any twitch and sound that could give them away to themselves. Not that much had ever evaded him before with his naturally cunning behavior. But this clearly unscripted response, with the blatant confusion swimming in your eyes, is a rather refreshing sight to see.

“I see–” you clear your throat to lower your voice back to its normal octave. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities to uh, bring those thoughts into fruition! Uh–,” You slide the rest of the cut fruits off of your cutting board and into the stew. 

“Is there anything else you wanted to tell me? Something I should know?” You turn to face him. He laughs at first, but then his brows furrow in question, as if he did have something to say and forgot about it or thinks it is no longer an appropriate time to ask. He shakes his head and says something along the lines of, “letting you do all the hard work” and returns to his tent.

But you are not left alone for long as another member of your little ragtag team joins you to ask about dinner. To which you ask them for which meat would be better to toss into it. 

—————————

After dinner, your little rapport concerning the plan and new findings with everyone is adjourned. Some thanked you before they left, and others simply walked away. From what you have learned from them, the Archdruid that was taken prisoner by the goblins was named, “Halsin.” He was a topic of interest as they said he might be able to aid you in your search for moonrise and understanding the Mindflayer worms.

Wyll had also approached you alone after dinner and offhandedly mentioned a dead boar being on the road. He had planned to return to camp with it if it could have been useful, but he had claimed that the animal had been unnervingly light. As if half of its weight was no longer there despite seemingly just keeling over for no reason.

You take note of that in one of your many journals, including additional information about the Archdruid and their kind in general. The book appearing more and more like the game’s quest booklet, with the exception of a few crossouts and colored ink to emphasize each quest’s urgency and relevance to finding a cure. When you successfully rescue the druid of the grove, it seems you will have to move out quite soon after, so you fixed up your pack just a bit to make it easier later on.

You look around, everyone seems to be in their respective areas. Doing whatever it is they usually do  with the exception of Astarion. Though he has been known to either sneak off or hide away from time to time in his tent, so you think nothing of it.

You return to the communal chest, tallying up the remaining supplies and inspecting the wares. You sort the tradeable objects in one rucksack and appraise its worth. The chest also has pieces of gold, some that others have placed, and others you picked up and added. You prefer to let the others keep what they think is valuable to them, and only place what they want to share in the vessel. 

If the party’s gold ever runs out, you think that the rucksack is worth a few nights of food when you travel out again. Assured by this knowledge, you placed your writing materials back in, closed the chest, and turned in for the night.

Maybe this time, you’ll wake up. But you also don’t really want to. Not just yet. 

—————————————

As you slept, you wondered about the longevity of your knowledge of the media. You hadn’t finished the game, and although you’ve accomplished a fair bit of it, you worry about how you will face the events to come. One of the only reasons why you haven’t flinched so much at the terrors that occurred was because you had anticipated them. Braced yourself for the dangers ahead.

You fear what might happen when you no longer have that power at your disposal.

Perhaps it's the worry, perhaps it's the stiff, compact ground that you have yet to be accustomed to sleep on despite the bedroll, or perhaps it's the presence of something suddenly cool that stirs you awake. 

But what you did not expect was Astarion’s face hovering over yours to be the reason. Fangs bared, and ready to bite. Your eyes go wide and you let out a small gasp, hands moving up in a gesture akin to clawing at yourself. 

The elf realizes that you’re awake now and he curses. Moving away as you scramble upright just like you did all those nights ago. The look of genuine fear at the prospect of being bitten is apparent on your face, and he feels almost guilty to be greeted with it.

“Please, I wasn’t going to hurt you— I just needed, well, blood.” He says it in a panic. Worried that you might run off, losing his only sure chance, and possibly enraging the rest of the camp.

In this moment, you realized the error in your ways. Astarion had been hunting nearly every other night in the same area. And if you were progressing through the events like how the game did, he couldn’t have had the time nor energy to venture too far after feeding from most of the creatures in the vicinity.

‘The exsanguinated boar…’ You remember.

“You’ve been feeding on animals for the past few nights, haven’t you?”

“It seems like word got around then.” Although unknowingly, he’s referencing what Wyll delivered to you earlier in the night.

“I’m not some monster, I feed on boars, deer, kobolds– whatever I can get. I’m just too slow right now. And with the damned excursion,” He stops himself, complaining is only doing worse for his condition.

“It’s not enough. I feel so…weak. If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer. Fight better.” You’re conflicted. You had no problem offering yourself as your character for him to feed on, but even witnessing that through a disconnected screen was enough to make you feel uncomfortable imagining it. You care about him, want to give him what he deserves, but this…

What’s more is that you know what he’s saying is necessary, not at all overstating how dire his need to satiate his hunger is, making it all the more difficult.

He needs to convince you, if he wants to continue on, that is. Without the presence of the illithid, he resorts to more practical means of doing so. Similar to what he did to many.

Noticing the slight tremor of your hands, he takes the chance to slowly kneel down on your bedroll. Closing the distance between you. He takes your hand, now rougher from the work you do, and meets your shaken gaze with his dark eyes.

“Please. I only need a taste, I swear.” He had meant to tell you before dinner, had he not felt the eyes of the others on the two of you. This discovery is not lost on you. He needs you specifically. And you realize it's out of convenience because you’re an expendable resource. If you pass, the group can venture on, but he also still needs you alive for whatever reason. He can’t have the others finding out, not until they trust him. 

He needs you to trust him. And this is the only way you can help him in this moment.

With that, you strengthen your resolve. 

“I…I trust you, Astarion. But no more than what you need.” A dangerous bet, but you hope it would be worth it.

“Really? I–”

 “Can I trust you on that?” The shock on his face fades, and he agrees.

“Let’s make ourselves comfortable, shall we?” You lay down, preparing yourself to faint during the process and allowing your blood to flow throughout your body. He observes the rapid movement of your eyes as he drapes himself above you. Your sight flitting from anywhere but him and then returning all the same. No doubt that you fear being at his mercy.

He feels almost sorry that you have to do this for him.

So he graces you with what mercy he can give.

The bite is quick. You would have felt the flesh of your neck parting for him, had he not done so. You feel tears prick at your eyes and start to feel the area from your neck and upwards go cold.

A momentary, sharp pain, that lulls to a chilling numbness in what seems like a matter of seconds.

You feel his body start to grow warmer at your expense and you feel satisfied knowing that you could help him.

When he doesn't stop, you start to worry.

Your breath catches in staccato beats, pulse quickening in tandem. You try to stop him, hands coming up to push or tug, but the heavy sensation that washes over you only permits them to find purchase on his form.

You try to speak, but it seems as if the common tongue does not reach him.

Your mind goes into overdrive, all of a sudden it doesn’t feel like a dream anymore and genuine fear courses through your veins.

You need him to stop, and you try to think of more efficient ways of doing so.

But your mind starts slowing as well. The pain has certainly faded, but the presence of the vampire at your throat reminds you in case you’ve forgotten.

As a last ditch effort, you try to use whatever might appeal to him, to break him out of the trance that he was in from finally replenishing himself. 

“Isalhal–” One of the few Elvish words you recalled.

The effort thankfully makes him pull back in shock, stopping him. Your eyes finally close, thankful for the reprieve you're finally granted. You hear a distant, “thank you,” and a more distant “shit” before rest takes over.

You worry about waking up tomorrow.

But for now, you’re thankful that Astarion will be able to fight well.

For himself and for everyone else’s sake.

━─━────༺༻────━─━

Thank you to @rey26, @shyminnie07, @lynnloveshobi, @iggee-rose, @automnepoet, @tiannamortis, @aoirohi, @sarkara211, @jane-3043, @h3110-dar1in9, @h3ll0k1ttyl0ver333, @mimziethealien, @squichymochi, @sharabay, @furblrwurblr, @dork-of-the-universe, @thedevilssinner, @fuckalrighty, @queenofthespacesquids, @perseny, @goldenplutus, @h4nluv, @awkward-d3rs3-dr3amer, and @auszimbo for asking to be tagged!!

[standreamy]

"Poison Counterpoison" part 1/3 For marichatmay2023 : Multimouse Next . . . Sooo yeah, a miraculous post. To be honest, when the prompts for Marichat May came out I was excited to get to work because they were pretty interesting. My fav bunch out of all marichat mays. However, irl issues came up and I had to take a forceful break I'm still partially into... and I also realised fandom wise that I have zero motivation to draw Miraculous at the moment.

This comic is kind of a proof to it, being on hold since last year, when season 4 was airing and my dissatisfactions with the series grew at very high levels. I used my own fanwork for aus to try keeping motivated and engaged, but the series is making me so tired and angry at how they are handling things, that I can't have fun anymore even while making my own stuff for it. Especially for the topics I addressed in the comic. Multimouse never brought up, communication issues subplots messed up in the worst ways, almost zero growth, moralism all over the place... And after being accidentally spoilered with leaks on twitter about the finale... I can't really find any motivation with how messed up I think it is. This is inspired on a fic I posted on ao3 "blame the rain". While the ending of that fic is much more sadder than the one for this comic and the characters here were changed a bit to be made more... Regretful and make the drifting off more realistic, the feeling is quite similar. . . Right now, only the movie is something I look forward and while I plan to finish my aus and headcanons in future, it won't be anytime soon. In this moment, I wish to give my time to things that makes me genuinely happy and have fun. However, I thank everyone for your support with my content and anyone who is genuinely interested in my Aus.❤️ . . .

[soaringwide]

Pick a Card: How to attract love in your life? ❤️

Pile 1 > Pile 2 > Pile 3

Hey :p Welcome back to a new pick a pile love reading.

Today we're going to have a look at How can you attract love into your life. I'm going to look at where you're currently at, the things that work and the things that don't, practical steps you can take, and finally, the most probable outcome for the near future.*

*keep in mind that it's very hard with tarot to give a precise timeframe, which is why i say ''near future'', which might mean different things for different people. Also, the future is highly volatile and this might only be accurate for your present situation, and may be prone to shift if you make significant changes. As always, you are in control of your life so don't let a reading dictate what you should and should not do.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people so it might not resonates perfectly to your situation. Take what resonates and leave out the rest.

Ko-fi ★ book a reading ★ pinned post ★ instagram

PILE 1

Cards: 5 of Pentacles, the Sun, 5 of Cups, 9 of Cups, Strength, King of Cups, Ace of Cups, Page of Swords Reversed, the High Priestess, Ace of Swords, 8 of Cups, King of Pentacles, the Star, 5 of Wands, 4 of Cups, the Devil

You are currently trapped into a mindset of lack and feeling like you don't belong. You feel like there's something broken with you that stops you from getting the love that you long for. You believe that the warmth of love is being denied from you by outside circumstances and that you are unable to change that. Not the best place to be mentally and I highly empathize, I know how it feels…

What is blocking you is that you are spending a lot of mental and emotional energy feeling devastated for what you don't have. You may have known love in the past and you're idealizing that and feeling regrets over what you've lost. For some of you it might literally be because you wish you had this love back, but for others it could just be wishing for that sweet feeling again. It's also possible that, regardless of a past relationship or not, you are longing for a time in your past where things seemed more carefree and that you now feel somewhat broken. Feeling like things were so much more radiant and optimistic back then. I'm also getting that love might feel like the last thing in your life you need to feel fully accomplished and you're hyper focusing on that one thing, not seeing all the other good things going for you. There is this idea that you're waiting and waiting for the perfect occasion to show up while carrying these heavy feelings.

However, things are not fully bleak for you. You are extremely resilient and have spent a lot of time perfecting yourself. Despite your feelings of romantic lack, you keep working on yourself, be it your career, your passions and projects, or your own self. You keep things moving thinking that if love doesn't come, then at least you can make other areas of your life good. You're also able to set aside these heavy feelings in order to remain balanced. Like, you feel them, you're aware of them, but you don't let that submerge you and you keep living anyway. So you have what it takes to fix the issue, you just need to see it and start working on it.

Because the advice is that you need to release your defensiveness regarding love. I'm getting that you've learnt to be so firmly attached to this lack mentality and the failures you've experienced that it's making you shut down any possibility of romance. I'm seeing a pattern of starting to catch feelings and automatically cutting them off, distrusting them and retreating within yourself. I think this is a defense mechanism, which served its purpose for a long time but is now counterproductive. You may lack honesty with yourself and with potential partners because you fear showing your feelings, scared of getting hurt.

So it's natural that for what you need to embrace, a card of clarity and communication shows up. If you always hide how you feel to your love interest, most healthy people will not pursue you and instead back off not to bother you, since they think you are not interested. You must communicate how you feel and investigate the other person's wishes and feelings. There is also the need to be in tune with your own intuition and inner guidance, which seems to be muddied by your fears and unhealthy coping mechanisms. You must embrace tuning into yourself, where you will find the answer on what to do, because I really think you've go a strong personal guidance and you know who and what is good for you, and you can lean into and learn to trust that.

And it seems the practical steps you need to take at this present moment point at solving these issues first and foremost. You have unfinished emotional business that you need to leave behind. It's like it's cluttering your emotional life and there is no space for anything romantic to bloom. You need to make room for love in your heart by releasing these painful points we talked about earlier. The way to do that with the Star (feeling called to name the card so that you can look into it if you wish) is to embrace hope that things can indeed change for the better. Have faith that you can renew yourself and step into a new way of living. This card always reminds me of making a wish and believing it's going to come true, so have faith!

The near future cards point at you working on that. Breaking the chains that hold you down. It's a process that may look a little chaotic, and you'll go back and forth between not doing anything and pondering on what steps to take next, being indecisive, and then hastily trying out things in hope something is going to fit. I see that it's a learning process and you're going to need to find the right way to act. You are about to break those destructive patterns and make room for love to come into your life. I do not know when this is going to happen, but the work you'll be doing will make you happier and more balance so it's worth working toward for the sake of it. And all point at the fact that it's the best thing to do in your situation in order to attract love into your life.

PILE 2

Cards: 6 of Swords, 7 of Swords, King of Cups, the Lovers, the Magician, Knight of Swords, the Fool, 10 of Pentacles, King of Swords, King of Pentacles, Queen of Cups, the Hanged Man, Knight of Wands, the Sun, King of Wands, 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles, Temperance

It seems you're currently in a post breakup phase, leaving something behind and wondering what's coming next. (if that's not the case, then that's not the pile for you). There is a sense of sadness and worry, but also hope for the future even though it is very uncertain. I'm getting that it's something quite fresh which will explain the current situation.

For what is blocking you, it seems you've been rendered very distrustful of love, and may even have been either cheated on, or betrayed in some way by the person you love(d). You have a hard time processing these emotions and it's stopping you from truly moving on. It's like you became disillusioned and don't trust romance anymore. You may feel angry and revengeful, bitter, in all cases, and it's coloring your view of love. Part of you is still looking over your shoulder at what once was, whether it's with regret and nostalgia or on the contrary with bitterness.

For what is going for you, it seems that despite that you desire a new beginning, a fresh start of some kind. You want to make a new relationship happen, one that will satisfy you in all aspects and that will be in alignment with yourself. I'm also getting that you're tired of being taken for an fool, fed up with giving your heart freely to someone who will stomp on it. I also see that you're determined to approach that with very upfront communication, seeking to be clear on your needs and boundaries, and that you are done with tolerating bullshit. It's also sort of like you want to get out of your current painful situation as fast as possible by finding something new, which does show up as a good thing however I'm getting the need for nuance here as you could be rushing too much as a way to run away from your feelings or perhaps get back at your ex by showing you don't need them.

You need to release this past relationship. It shows up as something that seemed like it was heading towards long term commitment, which makes it all the more painful. However, if things turned out the way they did that's because it wasn't built on solid foundations, and may not have been a good thing for you had it not blown off anyway. I'm also getting that this past-person probably embodied pretty authoritative traits, in a pretty tyrannical way, and it's leaving you, again, distrustful of future connections (or even of the whole gender of your ex partner). I think it somewhat robbed you of your own agency, made you feel weak and powerless, and there is a need to reclaim that power (you got ALL 4 Kings).

Which is shown in the next section with what you need to embrace. The cards point at the need to pick yourself back up and work on yourself, your abundance and security, which may mean focusing on other areas of your life for a while as a way to look in a different direction. Your heart also requires some attention and it would be beneficial to practice some self care, whether that means taking care of yourself from an aesthetical point of view (beauty, fashion, etc) or from a more holistic point of view (diet, exercise, meditation, etc). Make yourself beautiful for yourself and it may help you lift yourself up and feel better about yourself. This will allow you to shift your perspective, however, it will require some time and you will need to dive into it and think about the issue. You must understand that there is nothing more you can do to fix this past situation, and that it's okay to take time to think and embrace that moment of stagnancy that will help you give yourself space to heal and move on.

The idea of finding your power and sense of agency back is again shown in the cards that talk about the practical steps you should take. I'm getting that in order to do that, you need to focus on what makes you passionate about life, what lights your fire up and makes you want to pour your energy in. There is also the need to chill a bit and do things that seem fun and unimportant. Get silly a little bit, go out and enjoy the sweetness of life. Not everything is about romantic love and not only is it okay to do other things, it's also something you deeply need at this present moment to feel better. In all cases, push yourself to create some movement in your life and don't stay locked in alone, wallowing over yourself. I'm also getting the need to focus on things that are pleasurable, for your body and yourself.

For the near future when it comes to romantic love, I unfortunately think that for some time at least, you may still be alone and struggling with that fact, thinking you've been left with nothing and having a hard time processing your loss. You may want to take some steps towards new connections, but doing so very slowly and holding back a lot, so there won't be much progress on that side for a while. The focus will be mostly on healing yourself and focusing on rebalancing your heart. Trying to find hope and faith in love again. This whole process takes time but is very important in order to help you find healthy love again.

PILE 3

Cards: 9 of Cups, Queen of Swords, 7 of Pentacles, 6 of Cups, Ace of Wands, the Chariot, 4 of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, Page of Swords, 10 of Pentacles, the High Priestess, 7 of Cups, the Emperor, 6 of Wands, Justice, Ace of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, the Sun

You're currently in a phase where you feel ready for love. You've established a lot of things for yourself and you're in a satisfying place in life. Not perfect, nothing ever is, but you've grown a lot recently that's for sure. And when it comes to love, that's your wish and you're currently strongly waiting for the time to finally come to see that wish come true. It's the one thing that you desire the most at the moment and see it as a potential for great happiness.

For what's blocking you, I see that you are perhaps a tad too focused on observing that wish form, growing more and more impatient, and as a result getting a but tyrannical with your mind. Like, things don't go as fast as you want them to, so you second guess yourself and lot, get anxious and frustrated with yourself. There is a form of naivety here, as if you were not the most experienced in matters of love. It could also mean it's been a while you've been in a relationship and the memories of your past love are being triggered and coming back to the surface, making it hard to deal with them.

For things going for you, you've gotten a lot of action oriented cards, showing that you are determined and driven to see your wish come true. You don't want to wait anymore and are ready to make a move once the opportunity shows up. You trust that you are on the right path and are ready for things to pick up speed. However, this might make you get a bit restless when again the right opportunity or situation doesn't show up fast enough and it's a bit exhausting for you because you put a lot of pressure on yourself.

Another interesting message is one of getting out of hibernation in some way, which is shown in your past-to be released cards as well. It seems you used to have a tendency to hold onto your feelings and intentions, never making your desires and wants known, reacting by being very defensive and guarded, and i think you've not quite released that old pattern totally yet, but it's in progress. I think you still have a tendency to put a wall between you and your love interest by fear of getting hurt and you keep your cards close to your chest because you want to make the right move at the right time and you worry acting out of sync and ruining everything. This is making you a little too controlling and calculating and not in flow enough.

So it makes sense that one of the message of things to embrace has to do with getting in touch with your more intuitive side, as opposed to your analytical side. I think you still second guess yourself a lot despite knowing when a situation has potential and all this worry is making you go back and forth a lot and is causing tension. I think you need to embrace your desire for long lasting commitment, which for some reason you might be scared to accept, as if you thought wishing for it would mean being disappointed when you don't get it. You're so fearful of being disillusioned and not seeing reality clearly that you put everything into question and confuse yourself. You need to know that it's okay to not be able to read other people's intentions, you're not meant to. Things will get clearer as they progress. Also, it's okay to daydream about the love you desire, and you should do more of that. Explore things in the safe space that is your imagination and allow yourself to imagine what you want the future to be like.

For the practical steps to take, there is a need to show up confident and strong, taking the lead instead of waiting for the other person to make a move. You know yourself and your boundaries and you can say what you desire. There is also the need to come up fair and honest, so don't hide how you feel, don't hide what you want, but honor your loved person with the respect that come with being upfront. Also, to answer your worries, go there with the confidence of someone who act as if they won, and by that I mean don't expect things to go wrong before you even know if they will but instead pretend victory will be on your side, because even if you're not sure, why automatically assume you're going to get rejected when you don't really know?

For the near future, I didn't go too in detail about your situation because I wanted to leave the message open, but I think for some of you there's already a connection in the making, and you're soon going to be handed a new piece of the puzzle that will make you see things in a new perspective and make things progress further. What it is I do not know, but the cards point at a phase of focused progress where someone or both parties are working toward a common goal. Again I can't say what that puzzle piece is, but there is a strong idea of that new way of seeing the relationship, or experiencing the relationship, that leads to a path where you'll be working toward something for this connection.

Finally, I just wanted to point out that the bottom of the deck was the Sun so it seems this is an auspicious time for you, so don't get too hung up in what doesn't work exactly the way you want and enjoy the ride!!

[anulithots]

We as a society need more Qiao LIng analysis. So here I am.

Qiao Ling and how she represents the present day in a time travel show

In terms of the trio in a time travel show, Qiao Ling represents the present day. She deals with clients to bring to the time photo studio (I hope I got the name right), comforts Li Tianxi (in comparison to CXS empathizing with her through diving into the past), and overall (especially in season two) is best with interacting with people in the present day, and remains the most levelheaded

(Lu Guang’s too overprotective to be the logical one here)

And this slotted nicely with each member of the trio representing past present and future (what they are most comfortable with/find comfort in)…

until this (s1ep7):

Which makes her seem like her internal conflict revolves around the past, yes?

Okay now partially because I want to draw attention to this screenshot:

(CXS is soooo sad here and Lu Guang can’t even look. I sob I cri)

Okay so part of the reason CXS looks like this is because it’s post episode 5 and more than anything else he UNDERSTANDS regretting the past

But here Qiao Ling isn’t regretting her life, she isn’t searching for some way to fix it and relive herself of the pain of the past like CXS does, she’s trying to escape it

THEREFORE! Qiao Ling is still ‘present day focused’. She shuns the past, attempts to avoid it, so that she can stay content in the present day.

Which directly parallels CXS (so siblings of them) in how they view the past and the pain that comes with it. CXS actively tries to fix it and give himself/those he possesses the solace and love he lost, whereas Qiao Ling tries to avoid her regret through keeping away the reminders of the past, so that she may be more useful/happier in the present day.

IN FACT! (see boba tea screenshots above) Qiao Ling does tend to look at any issues (usually resulting from the past) and look to present comforts and pleasures to keep everyone happy.

(Again paralleling both CXS and Lu Guang, who do this with the past and future respectively)

(also how CXS has Qiao Ling to comfort him and keep him going in both season two and here in episodes six and seven when she talks about Doudou

They are so siblings I can’ttttttt)

[elrieldreamer]

WARNING:

This post will lean anti-Lucien and anti-Elucien. I know he’s well loved by many, so you’ve been warned.

I’ve been bothered for awhile by Lucien’s history of court jumping and ability to “play the game”. From the very first time that he was called the “clever fox”, my mind labeled him as someone to watch. The Cambridge dictionary describes the term this way:

Sly. Wily. Cunning. Good at deceiving.

Anyways.

I was listening to ACOWAR again yesterday, and came to this portion, right after Feyre has returned to the Night Court with Lucien in tow. Feyre is surprised that Rhys allowed Lucien to not only see his wings, but to listen in on their inner circle conversation.

Feyre and Lucien are “friends”, but she doesn’t totally trust him. Feyre doesn’t like (but is AWARE) that Elain is being used as a political pawn. Rhys willingly admits that he’s planning to keep Lucien in line by dangling Elain’s safety in front of him. Most importantly (in my mind) was this tidbit:

Throughout ACOWAR and ACOFAS, Lucien seems be taking the bait. He’s still feeling out the bond with Elain in an effort to ascertain whether she’s “worth it”. Feyre and Rhys create opportunities in an effort to push them together. Once we reach ACOSF, though, something has changed.

Lucien is no longer wholly trusted by the inner circle. They believe his allegiance has shifted from his mate (and by extension, the Night Court) to the Band of Exiles. He’s no longer taking the bait, and seems to have realized that things with Elain are not going to fulfill the soul mate fantasies that he’s been sold.

When Cassian visits the Band of Exiles, we see stark evidence that Lucien is deeply concerned for Vassa. He’s pained by her plight, and even sets his sights once again on Koschei’s lake.

Cassian also points out that Lucien is able to play all of his parts flawlessly, not letting on what might be happening underneath the courtly mask. Like a clever fox.

So, we know that Rhys believed that Elain was the key to keeping Lucien accountable to the Night Court. He even reinforced that idea in the ACOSF Azriel POV bonus chapter. Rhys also told us in ACOWAR that if Lucien’s loyalties changed, he may sell information, for gain or to make sure that Elain stayed safe. By ACOSF it’s clear that Lucien’s allegiance has shifted to the Band of Exiles as Elain continues to keep him at arm’s length and his dedication to saving Vassa continues to remain a priority. The bait is no longer working, so what happens next?

Will Azriel regret not keeping eyes on Lucien? Were Rhys’s comments in ACOWAR foreshadowing? Will Lucien, knowingly or not, betray the Night Court in an effort to release Vassa from Koschei’s spell?

Was Elain’s “you betrayed us” a reference to the past … or the future?

[jazzyblusnowflake]

Alright, we've had Nuzi headcanons. We've now had Vuzi headcanons... Let's heart it, you're Violent Biting Biscuits headcanons, N x Uzi x V... Or if you'd rather complete the set, eNVy headcanons. I am curious of both. (Your headcannons are just super cute)

Holy hecc, I'm so sorry for answering these asks so late but i'm gonna be honest- I just never think anyone likes my writings or ever reads them XD

okay then lets see- my ViolentBitingBiscuits headcanons- i will put eNVy for the next ask because someone else asked for it too and they wont all fit here lol.

My NUziV headcanons ovo<3 :

[once again these are only the drone versions, the human versions aren't involved / also i may add some 🔞🔞🔞 ones this time lol >:3 also uhhh apologies in advance but this one is long as all hell so....um]

K we know the drill, they are all together- hopefully in the future- even if any of them dies i'm gonna pretend i do not see 🙄 deadass gonna treat this like the jjba fandom- my faves are ALIVE AND WELL SHUT UP ARAKI-

Okay so there's some things that we have already mentioned in the previous headcanons- ill try to not repeat them unless they are necessary but ill also try to treat this as its own post and lightly repeat them real quick too-

N and V started out fighting over Uzi, and Uzi obviously was mostly into N at first- but after a while i guess Vs advances got to her- especially since she was- in a way- so desperate for attention/affection, so it felt a little overwhelming to her but in a good way. they very obviously flirted with her which got them silently treating it as a challenge- and Uzi being Uzi obviously loved the attention she got out of it- opting to let this just... kinda continue lmao. she didn't expect to let it go far enough for her to end up with both of them but here we are XD

We slightly touched this topic before about V but to reiterate- all of them have different levels of trauma that they all deal with and currently V has gone through the worst of it, both having to endure Cyn's torture in her mindspace and also having to watch N get slaughtered in front of her and possibly even having a hand in it. She fears losing people that mean to her so she became avoidant with a difficult personality to guard whatever's left of her. It took a really long time for her to decide to be with the two and to protect them and not run away from her feelings for anyone or anything. but some days its still difficult for her so sometimes N and Uzi have to literally trap her into a wrestling cuddle pile or something to get her to just... exist, without feeling like the whole universe is weighing her down. N and Uzi want her to know they are there to protect HER from those inner demons too.

sometimes the cuddle piles end up with N and V once again trying to get Uzi's attention lmao which ends up with them being a little too horny on main- whoops :) - everything starts with a little nibble here, a small bite there - maybe some pillow fights and climbing over eachother or holding one another down in different positions- aaaand then they wake up a few hours later with Uzi having regrets cuz these two are horny as f-

ANYWAY- N is probably the most patient of the 3, and although he usually never breaks up fights because he trusts the other two to handle their own problems without him needing to mom them, sometimes Uzi and V go a lil too far and he gets very tired of dealing with this kind of behavior. he never blows up at them- but he usually goes away to take a breather- sometimes hanging out with Thad or the other drones- and during this time Uzi and V kinda feel bad- but then they would think of stuff like maybe planning dates or getting food for him, draw stuff on cards and etc- or go around trying to find gifts to make him happy<3 sometimes they might add some extra kisses and unwinding sessions in the end as an extra treat :p N always forgives them obviously, he just needs some guys night out every once in a while or something lmao-

Getting close to Uzi became an excuse for N and V to get closer to eachother too. ironically, it first started with them bantering about who is better at what- but then it turned into unironically flirting and teasing eachother- but after a while they realized their relationship isn't going to ever be the same as what it was back in their old days but its also something completely new, so they become more willing to accept one another and explore their newer dynamic.

they all love being coddled and pampered every now and then. Uzi and V may not outright admit it- but they really do too. so they take turns with who they put in the middle of receiving affection :p

N and V are VERYYYYYY over protective of Uzi. to the point that they wouldn't even let the doctor [for tech repair obviously] check Uzi or touch her in any way when she had a small virus case lol. Khan had to pay the poor doctor extra for that.... deciding to leave his daughter in her room in a cuddle pile of two murderous demons that have glowing cat eyes every time he comes in the room smh.

V and N really like cuddling Uzi and sticking their hands under her clothes. or sometimes just flat out sleeping or cuddling naked. its less of a sexual thing and more so to do with the fact that the two MD's have higher body temperature and a less efficiant body for cooling- since they have a more compact torso and a lot less oil and coolant fluids going through them [since they need to consume it continuously] and having a bunch of working nanobots and nanites shoved into them to turn into weapons/wings/etc- and Uzi- although having the AS- is still very much less in need of cooling due to still having a more efficient body design for a "exoplanetary worker unit", with a still functioning cooling system inside that doesn't necessarily need extra oil to make it work unless under stressful conditions.... even if she probably does have worms and fleshy tentacles inside her now lmao. But either way Uzi's body is still a lot colder than the others so she's usually shared in the middle and at this point Uzi cant even be embarrassed when they slide their hands under her clothes and grab her wherever smh..... although V also does it as a semi possessive thing so there's that pfft. she was especially handsy after that doctor left XDDD.

Yes Uzi has very much in fact ended up at the medical/tech repair unit multiple times because N and V have sometimes ended up being a bit too much for her to handle- and the doctor [a character yall shall meet later] has absolutely had it. She had to literally sit the 3 down, explain to them their body differences via scans and the damages they may cause Uzi and it was basically the robot version of having "the talk" with your child- and Uzi wanted to die there and then.

Uzi sometimes just tells the two to drink blood from her- the first time they wanted to share oil they were scared about accidentally causing Uzi to overheat- but after a few times of trying it, they continued doing it more frequently either by kissing and regurgitating or taking turns to bite Uzi or vice versa. N and V typically don't use one another's oil because they already have high usage as it is, it wouldn't be efficient. admittedly N and V always have concerns when it came to biting Uzi- but somehow they found out Uzi actually enjoys it a little when they do it and well...they get ideas lmao- they just make sure to lick her indents clean with their regenerative saliva to make the AS work as little as possible on Uzi's body.

N really enjoys seeing his partners smooch..... for study purposes ofc lmao- actually he uses his visor to take pictures sometimes- let the man be a little horny in peace smh. and don't worry Uzi and V know all this- they just wanna tease him a little bit :p

Uzi and N usually chit chat while they are in the bed until they fall asleep- but V prefers to just hug Uzi on the side listening to them while they talk until she falls asleep too

they love going around in human based areas with shops and stuff to find books to read together or any other fun human stuff they can find- maybe table top games? lol- V goes for the sports stuff. she kinda wanna try hitting something with a bat...

[okayyyy so tumblr doesn't let me write any more XD i def have more ideas but oh well. also ill save the eNVy for another ask that i have in my inbox so you'll get that soon too :p]

[uninformedartist]

What was the point expecting anything other than dry bones for Millie, Loona even. Vivienne going as far making this bloody long thread (post at the end) hyping people up what she's got in store for Millie when we all know how she writes. Anything written for Millie or Loona or whatever female character is not really for them. Everything written for them has to 1 tie somehow in to a male character & 2 whats written for them ultimately developes a male character more.

Two instances in the latest episode. First instance:

Loona and Millie finally interacting that doesn't have to do with work or saving the other 2 (dorks episode). And what was their conversation about...Moxxie. Millie asking her to look after him. Which understandable Millie feels she has a lot on her plate having to deal with both of them at the same time but it comes back to their "development" comes centered around a man & furthering their character.

Side tangent on how their "development" developing male character more:

From this whole thing of Millie taking a client job what I learned about Moxxie is that he does the businesses finances, he overworks himself so much he 'shuts down' in highly stressful situations especially when its beyond his control or limits, he regrets he didn't become a theatre critic.

What I learnt about Millie, she cares for Blitz & Moxxie (know this), she actually has some sort of relationship with Loona (kind of this but its logical she would have). What I learnt on Loona, she's caring dispite her tough put on persona (definitively know this), she's smart as she picked up Moxxie didn't calculate properly (didn't know this but never doubted her intelligence really).

I learnt 3 new things about Moxxie and Millie & Loona just more examples of things I already know about them because it was said about them or things I never doubted they had already naturally.

Second instance:

Millie's backstory. Her whole backstory only came about because of Blitz, because of his hallucinations she brought up her backstory as a means of comfort to HIM.

Breaking apart her backstory, yeah she doesn't owe Blitz shit nor should apologise for this:

Blitz who we seen throughout the series has done a lot of respecting towards her and her husband.

Listing the "respecting" and not a full list only what I remember

*Episode 1 constantly mistreating and physically hurting her husband, end of the episode going as far making a rape threat towards both of them.

*Episode 2 having explicit sexual fantasies about the two of them at work knowing they've in a monogamous relationship & they established that firmly.

*Episode 5 constantly invalidates her husband in front of her & her family, doesn't show him an ounce of respect ever here.

*Episode 7 stalks them on a date the two of them planned, even after Moxxie verbally told him not to, he disregarded their boundaries in all regards

And so on and so forth so this line girl no.

You cannot establish multiple times Blitz was nothing but a piece of shit towards them then all of a sudden flip it that he actually saved her, gave her a good life ect and then have her say sorry dispite all previously established in show.

Aside, also good luck to her on career, a future in the long run. Millie your pension benefit is gone

💀✋

I know this show runs on having you "forget" what was previously established because its written like a bad fanfic but come on now its getting really ridiculous.

Vivienne YOU don't understand Millie or rather want to understand her more, only when you do is to when it comes to building your male characters more and just like the previous episodes, she fit the bill nicely developing Moxxie and Blitz further, Blitz more so. No amount of solid writing in this episode from Brandon and Waters can save the mess that is before this episode.

So this whole hype thread of hers was absolute nonsense, Millie sigh may you shine bright in the actual fanfics.

[within-your-eyes-if]

May 1st Progress Update

Hello all!

Very long update, so I apologize ahead of time.

April has been an incredibly productive month for me. I've made substantial revisions and have taken some time to reflect on possible changes for the future.

There are decisions I made earlier in the development of this story that, in hindsight, could have been handled better. While I will continue with the upcoming update as planned, I intend to take additional time afterward to revisit and refine various aspects of the game.

I truly love this story and want it to be the best it can be. I aim to look back on it with pride and minimal regrets. These changes will be comprehensive, affecting everything from narrative elements and gameplay mechanics to the presentation on itch.io.

I hope this update doesn't cause any concern; rather, I want to share this as part of my journey in developing this game, a process that occasionally requires stepping back and reassessing to move forward effectively.

With that said, here are some developments I've been working on that I haven't yet discussed. If you have any thoughts on some of these, I'd welcome the insight:

Guilt System Overhaul: I'm currently refining the code for the guilt system. The upcoming changes will significantly alter how guilt is calculated and displayed, emphasizing the impact of your relationships. For instance, lying to a character you're romancing will carry more weight. However, I'm carefully considering how to balance this to respect player agency, recognizing that not everyone may want their character to feel guilty in such situations. Your feedback on this would be appreciated before I start making final decisions — edit: you are welcome to comment on this post! (Sorry ;-;)

Skill System Overhaul: The foundation for the new skill system is done and functional in a test environment. However, I'm still evaluating whether its inclusion genuinely enhances gameplay or if it complicates things unnecessarily.

Extensive Coding Overhauls: Overall, I've done so much coding that I couldn't begin to tell you what all I've done. I combined things to both organize and streamline (though this might just effect me overall).

There is more to share, but I want to keep some surprises under wraps for now.

Future Support Update: I am in the process of setting up a Patreon, which I aim to launch next month. Initially, I considered using Ko-Fi for all supporter interactions, but the exclusive access features offered by itch.io make Patreon a better fit for what I want to achieve.

On Patreon, I will be providing a couple tiers. While one offers more than the other, here's a general overview of what I'll be offering: detailed progress updates, sneak peeks, alpha builds, special acknowledgments, early access, among others.

Ko-Fi will remain available for those who prefer to offer one-time support. Your support, whether recurring or one-time, is immensely appreciated and makes a significant difference in the continued development of my projects.

Beta Testing: Given the aspects of Patreon, how I approach beta testing in the future will be different. However, I will continue as I did last time with this one.

This month, I am aiming to begin the beta testing phase for the new Vice System. In light of changes to the test's parameters, previous applications have been cleared. If you're interested in participating, please reapply.

Please note, this test covers a lot of adult content — you must be 18 or older to participate (though really, you should be 18+ if you're even reading my story *finger wagging*). Ensure you are comfortable with explicit content before applying.

Application is found here.

Tumblr Asks: I will be making a separate post soon to address the reopening of Asks. Please be patient with me as I work through a couple of reasons why it was temporarily disabled. I appreciate your understanding and look forward to hearing more from all of you soon!

Closing Thoughts: Sorry again for the lengthy update, but thank you all for your patience as I continue refining and revising. Work on Chapter 3: Part Two is progressing, though there's still more to be done.

Wishing you all a wonderful month ahead!

[secretress]

A message you may need to hear. 💌

Masterlist.

Note: Not my usual thing, yet lately I have been hearing small messages throughout the day regarding my intuition, so I thought about making small posts about them. A pac will come soon, I have been busy lately. Also, if you wanted to find any of my timeless reading without pacs, I made a section for it on my masterlist named "nonpac intuitive messages/posts.''

A lot of times we wish we could go back into the past and erase what has happened. However, we forget that our past selves believed it was the right choice, and it was the best choice for them to get the thing they had desired and deserved. But it is forgotten that your past self did not know the knowledge you know now in your present time, nor did they have the same mindset as you do now, and the same will appear for yourself in the future. Do you want to repeat the same situation in your future, or do you prefer to forgive yourself now and learn to appreciate your past self for what they thought was right? Because of what your past self did, you are suffering the consequences of something you did not wish for, yet it is what you need. There is a lesson reoccurring for you that you have not been taught nor used as motivation to get the wish you wanted. Instead of being consumed with your regrets, work on what you want and get it. Staying in the same place will not help you achieve what you desire but instead keep you stagnant. I understand that the pain is painful and has led you to feel as if you were mud and rain was falling and the droplet hit you, and as you tried to get up, children rain boots jumped on you as the children laughed and had fun while you were ceasing to exist. But the anger, guilt, and stress you feel is all part of life, and you have to learn to utilize those feelings into something magical. Learn to work on yourself and change your mindset so you genuinely know what you want. The thoughts on who you desire to be and what you want are the fear that lingers on your mind, but these are not you. It’s the safe option that we humans will automatically choose if they do not know themselves or have no confidence of getting what they believe can be true.

You may be thinking, “Sefina, this is easier said than done,’’ and that is true, but everything in life can either be a breeze or our death, whether it’s mentally or physically. You must decide what type of life you truly want, what the outcomes can or will be, and how it plays a factor within your life. Allowing yourself to cry is healthy, but to always cry a night feeling as everything it out to get you or make you suffer may lead you to a road of destruction, whether it is with others or with yourself. Do understand that life cannot change if the person does not want to change. Think of a group of people in a group; a leader appears amongst them, but they are shy and cannot say what they want to say without stumbling with their words. But one day, they decide to change because this is not what they envisioned themselves to be, and so they do change, and life changes for them and creates beautiful new things. No, it was not easy for them, but with that change, they became the person they envisioned, and the same can go for you. Learn to understand why people say ‘’change starts within,’’ because it does. Without you changing your mindset and learning what you want, getting what you desire becomes hard. You become your blockage, and then you will start to wonder why you cannot manifest what you want. Do not become your own blockage, nor be oblivious that you are in your way.

Once you are able to understand that life can be easy as you work on yourself instead of focusing on the external views you have around you, you will achieve what you set your mind on. My intuition says, ‘’the worst time is your best time. Beautiful things appear to us regardless if it’s a painful time or a blessing time—more beautiful things will appear if your heart is just as beautiful as your wants.’’ Meaning, if you focus on what you actually want within your heart and learn how to fall in love with yourself, whether it’s who you are as of now or changing to become your best self, everything will start to fall into place without you doing anything other than dealing with the internal factors.

A scene has appeared in my mind where a person has two jobs; they went to college to have two college degrees because they wanted to major in two different fields but could not decide which was their dream job. So instead of settling with one, they went back and got another, and now they are working on both fields. For some, this sounds like a hassle, but for them, this is their dream life. Everything is subjective, our wants and likes are simply an opinion and nothing more. They can be something dear to us, but still an opinion, especially to others, unless they relate, in which case the opinion can become a fact, but only in that community or between you and them.

You are a logical person, you never truly focused on what your heart wanted from you and decided to focus on what your fearful mind wanted without understanding that this is the reason why you are stuck in your situation right now. You cannot hate and nitpick your past self because you are the reason for being toxic with yourself. Logical decisions can help people, but ignoring your heart and what your heart wants strains the bond of your relationship with yourself. Understand that your desires are focused on your heart; your feelings are your likes and dislikes.. and despite everything being subjective, these are still your wants, correct? So, ask yourself why you allow your fearful thoughts to invade things for you instead of picking what your heart wants. The heart has a bad reputation as people are prone to believe emotions, and following your heart is weak and idiotic, yet it is everything around us, whether people want to believe it or not. Working hard to have your dream job is logical, yes, but it is also following your heart and working hard to get it. Making a rational decision and not focusing on your feelings is still part of the heart. Why? Because you are focusing on your best case scenario and wanting to do what is best for you. I understand that you also have a bad perception of emotions because if you have them, then you must reveal how vulnerable you truly are, yet you cry at night and show it to yourself. What truly makes you afraid of being vulnerable? And why did it show up throughout your middle school era? Learn to feel okay asking yourself personal questions and be patient with yourself if you do not know of the answer. Everything needs compassion and patience.

Learn not to neglect your present self out of love, appreciation, and understanding. It’s okay, I understand that you are struggling right now, but taking care of yourself is also important. It helps heal the emotional wounds that were created by others, but in this case, your family members. It connects you and makes you feel worthy of love; don’t you believe that you are worthy of it? Maybe not now, but I know that you do. Forgive your past self and show appreciation so in the future, instead of you insulting your past self (it being you right now), your future self can salute you for trying. That is what healing is, and it’s rather beautiful if you learn that lesson properly.

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