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girldragongizzard · 2 months ago

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Chapter 7: Ptarmigan’s folly

Saturday isn’t the best day to start work on your own name change, but it’s the seventh of September and I have a fresh SSI deposit in my bank and no rent I need to pay. So, after the morning song, which I manage to initiate by starting just a smidge early, I settle down in the coffee shop with my tablet to learn about how to do it, and maybe pay the fees to get it started.

It looks like the procedure is pretty easy in Washington state, but there are two little snags.

It’s expensive. I can afford it, because I’m not paying rent. Kind of. That money is ideally going to go toward food now, though. But I can supplement my diet with seagulls if I have to.

And, I need more identification than just my enhanced state ID. Like, my birth certificate. And that’s in the stuff that’s supposedly been boxed up and sent to Nathan’s place to put in his garage. When Joel crashed through my apartment wall and trashed the place, I got evicted and trespassed. So, we’d arranged for that, and Nathan says it all seems to have arrived safely, but I haven’t had a chance to go through it all because he lives in another dragon’s territory.

I double check my Discord server for whose it is.

Ah, the individual I’d nicknamed Godzilla, who on my server is going by gronk_lizard.

I shoot him a DM asking if I may have permission to visit Nathan’s garage and look through my stuff that’s stored there. And then fret about the response, which doesn’t come immediately, or for a while.

OK, there’s a third and fourth snag in the name change process, but I’ve already talked about those, and plan to just deal with them when they come up. If I have to, I can send a human emissary to get permission from Waits to enter their territory to go to court. And there’s got to be some kind of concession for altered appearances with a photo ID, especially since other trans folk exist and go through this in their own way. Maybe that’s what the birth certificate is for.

I’m really hoping that asking permission with other dragons is going to work for visiting their areas of the city. This is so new, and I don’t think we’ve really tested this before. But, I think I’d be pretty reasonably chill myself if another dragon asked me, especially after my encounter with Astraia.

Gotta try it someday, why not today?

And I did. And I’m fretting, because gronk_lizard isn’t returning my message yet. He’s not even online, though.

As I take a moment drink my coffee, I realize that I’m hyperfocusing on this because maybe I feel the need to get back into, or establish, a mundane daily routine. I’m trying to ground myself in my identity, which is fair. But now that I’ve done what I can for the day and hit a hurry-up-and-wait snag, it kind of hurts.

The events of the last week, finishing off with that conversation yesterday, have been a bit much.

Especially that conversation. Especially the idea that I might be an Artist.

The idea feels absurd to me.

I don’t have an Art. Not that I know of. I don’t draw or write. Though I’m definitely thinking about writing! But I have no practice in it. I don’t do music. I don’t program. All I’ve ever really done is watch movies, read books, and daydream about being a dragon.

A lot of daydreaming about that. Especially as my chronic fatigue set in and I couldn’t do much else. Which.

I don’t have chronic fatigue anymore and it turns out I’m actually a dragon. So, what do I do?

I fucking go flying, eat seagulls, fight other dragons, and get in a turf war with the biggest, richest wizard in town, apparently!

Or, am I?

Is David Säure an Artist?

Or, did I misunderstand what Ptarmigan was saying?

I think about the main points of yesterday’s conversation, and realize that so much of what was said by both Ptarmigan and Chapman could be interpreted several different ways. And Chapman’s been talking like that since I met hir.

When Kimberly asked Ptarmigan her age, and Ptarmigan responded with “forty-nine”, she didn’t specific of what. Forty-nine years? Seconds? Eons? Heck, she didn’t even say, “I am”, so it might not even have been an answer. Just, “Forty-nine, I think.” Like, “I’m thinking of the number forty-nine.”

And, the reason this sticks with me is because I caught when Kimberly asked more directly if Ptarmigan was forty-nine years old, and Ptarmigan said, “No.”

I take a glance around the coffee shop and the street outside through the windows, and don’t see anyone I know well besides Nathan and Cerce behind the counter.

For some reason, my thoughts feel more private knowing I’m basically alone, and I continue puzzling this.

Maybe Ptarmigan was just saying that Daniel Säure’s involvement in local dragon politics is due to the work of an Artist, not that he was one.

I don’t want to give a billionaire any benefit of the doubt, but I’ve gotta concede I don’t know anything about him. Not even why he’s gone personally reclusive lately. And he could just be this hapless human being with way too much money and way too much interest in local politics.

The part where Ptarmigan was painfully honest and transparent, though, was when she admitted that she didn’t know if I was an Artist, only that it was a guess, and that she’d used divination to find the center of the global metamorphosis and it was apparently me.

Either she was outright lying there, or I was the center of it for some reason.

So, like, we’ve got this pair of immortal beings, supposedly. Or people pretending to be immortal beings, but they can definitely do magic of some sort. And they both have this habit of telling partial truths, or phrases that might as well be partial truths, to mislead or hide the actual truth. It creates this precedent of communication where I guess I expect them to keep up that habit.

So, when one of them then goes, “I don’t actually know. That was a guess. But what I found is that you’re at the center of this dragon event,” well, it stands out. It’s not the same pattern of communication.

What does that mean?

This is going to give me main character syndrome if I think about it too much.

If I take Ptarmigan’s report at face value, does that mean that my dream that night, in which I tore off my human disguise, was indicative of something bigger?

If I’m an Artist and don’t know about it, would that have been me subconsciously practicing my Art? Does dreaming count as an Art?

Or, maybe it’s transformation that’s the Art, but dreaming was my expression of it at the time.

If I had paper and could write this down, I feel like it would make sense on it. But, emotionally, it’s not clicking with me. I just feel numb and disconnected with it when I think about the idea that my own transformation, my own personal desires made manifest, actually affected the entire rest of the planet.

It’s just too much.

But I lift my chin and tilt my head like that one meme, and think that transformation would be a pretty fucking fantastic Art to have. Phenomenally powerful.

If I could somehow do that, transform myself or other people or things, I could use that Art to smooth out so many problems the, uh, global dracomorphosis is causing. At least locally, I think.

And trying it would either confirm or debunk Ptarmigan’s claims.

I could maybe get into that.

I’m honestly at a loss for what else to do, besides to continue networking with my new friends and trying to build a local coalition of dragons while some billionaire tries to ship us one by one out of the county.

There’s been no helicopter for the past two nights, though, that I know of, so it seems like we’ve got a bit of a reprieve. And I should probably take advantage of that.

Networking should only take a couple hours each day, at most, ideally. So the rest of the day I can use for planning, scheming, processing the idea of being somehow immortal or something myself, and experimenting.

Doing that might even keep me out of trouble with my neighboring dragons. You know, by mostly keeping to myself.

Except, I do want to move forward on this name change thing, and that is going to take some leg work. Or wing work.

Well.

I drink some more coffee, and focus on the process of doing that. Like eating, it's also pleasant, if nothing like what I used to do with a human mouth.

The best part of it for me, now, is tasting the air above the coffee before drinking it. There’s just so much detail to the aroma of the steam, so many volatiles lifting away in it. Each one is a different note of flavor. It's almost like I can taste each individual molecule as it alights on my tongue.

But, then, bathing my tongue in the liquid is a totally different beautiful experience, too. There's even more flavor there, but it all blends and swirls around my taste buds as I immerse my chin deep enough into the bowl to function as kind of a ladle, and lick.

Three licks and swallows with snout in bowl gives me a sense of drinking sips kind of like before. And then I lift my head up and back to swallow the gulp of fluid in the bottom of my mouth.

A huff and my tongue is swathed in the warmth of coffee breath and a whole other set of flavors, and I feel like I’ve permeated myself with the myriad of fascinating chemicals that make up the hot extract of coffee beans. Head high, eyes closing, I allow myself to float on the sensations and the memories they bring of doing this almost every morning since I awoke to my true self.

I hear the front door bell chime and jingle and have to stop myself from imitating the noise in response. I close my eyes tighter to distance myself from it.

After a couple of seconds, I hear Ptarmigan speaking to me her desert thunder of a voice.

“We should go for a walk,” she says. “Or, if you know some place private, that would be better. I want to work with you on something, if you’re up for it.”

I open my eyes and look at her in the collarbone. She’s dressed in exactly the same clothes as yesterday.

I’m not done with my coffee yet, so then I look at it, and then look back up at her.

“I’m sorry. You can take your time. I mean, I would like to meet with you some time today, if possible,” she says. “Can you? Will you? Do you have a good place for that?”

“Yes. Okay. Stay,” I say, without pulling out my tablet. Then I go for another mouthful of coffee and make a demonstration of it.

I don’t exactly dislike Ptarmigan. I’m intrigued by her. But I feel like she has disrupted my life just as thoroughly as Joel did when he crashed through my wall. And I do not trust her.

That lack of trust seems more important than anything.

And what she’s revealed to me has damaged my trust in Chapman, too, and I am not grateful for that.

I find that I don’t really want to do anything with Ptarmigan without Rhoda by my side. But she does have her own life, and she’s not here right now.

After sitting with the fumes of my last gulp of coffee for long enough that I feel I’ve made my point, I pull out my tablet and ask a simple question with it.

“What?” I inquire.

“I want to help you explore what I talked about yesterday,” Ptarmigan says. “Privacy would be good so that you don’t feel so self conscious about it. I like going for walks, but I understand your territory is smaller these days. Maybe your roof would work?”

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I’m in the mood for doing right now. I’m so anxious today, I think I’m done with my coffee, despite how I’ve been trying to wallow in it.

I may not trust Ptarmigan, and I’m not exactly confident in my own decision making skills lately. But I’ve been really great at learning new stuff from my mistakes, and I’m desperate to be doing something productive and new.

I put my tablet away again and stand up, saying, “Okay. Go.” And then I walk out the door and lead the way to the fire escape.

It’s got one of those sets of stairs that only lower when weight is put on them, but I can reach that easily and pull it down, which I do. I climb partway up that and then wait for Ptarmigan to follow. And then we both climb to the top floor.

Leaping up to grab the roof from there is much easier than the last time I did it, and I’m sure I’ve grown a bit in length now.

Once up and in my new home, the rooftop, I turn around and watch Ptarmigan to see if she has any manner of getting up here herself.

She just watches me back, passively.

OK.

My haunches and tail are heavier than my front, so I figure I can help her up while using my hips as a fulcrum. I keep my wings folded and held as far back as possible while I walk to place my hind claws near the edge of the roof. Then I crouch and lean down and offer Ptarmigan my foreclaws, my tail rising in the air and arching behind me.

Then, when she grabs my foreclaws, I flap my wings furiously and lift with my legs to pull us both back up.

She walks up the side of the building with her feet and it all works pretty well.

I allow myself to be pleased with my feat of balance and strength.

Then we make our way to the center of the roof. And as I flap my wings a few times to stretch them again after working them for our ascent, her duster billows.

I find that I wish she was wearing a pair of dark black rimmed wrap around sunglasses, but she’s not.

“OK,” she says. “We can go about this a couple of different ways. We should try both. What are your hobbies? Do you do anything creative?”

“No,” I say. I hesitate for a moment to let that sink in, but then I pull out my tablet, and she watches me as I turn it on and make sure my app is open. “I used to read,” I take the time to say. “I used to daydream.”

“What do you do now?” she asks.

“Know Artists. Fight. Be dragon. Eat seagull. And fly,” I say, completely deadpan as usual.

I’m being subtly funny, but it’s also basically the truth. Ever since my metamorphosis, I’ve been so content in a way I’ve never been before, despite all the stressors, that my usual coping mechanisms haven’t had any draw to me.

“Huh. OK,” my oblique reference to a meme seems to go right over her head. “What were you doing the night of the metamorphosis?”

“Dreaming,” I reply. “Woke up dragon.”

“Right. What was your dream about?”

“Removing human disguise.”

She points at me.

I figured as much.

“That’s it.” Then she sits down on the black tar roof, and says, “Now, describe that dream in detail, please. I’ll wait.”

I huff and look at the sky.

Then I oblige. This dream has stuck with me strongly since that night. I remember it as if I lived it while awake. And I’ve described it before, but it’s worth reviewing it.

I dreamt that I was back in school, college specifically, and it was one of those naked dreams. I spent about half the day interacting with professors and classmates before I really noticed, and I was in just my tighty whities, which is better than being completely naked, but not by much. What I hated more, in the dream as in real life, was my hairy chest and arms, the stubble of my beard, and the obvious bulge in my underwear. These were things that had been plaguing me since puberty, but I never felt like I could do anything about them. If I’d been willing to upend my whole life by admitting that I was a trans woman, which I absolutely never wanted to be (thank you internalized transmisogyny), I wouldn’t have been able to afford transition anyway.

Of course, with the Affordable Care Act, Washington State made it so that Medicaid and Medicare would cover transitional healthcare, including surgery if I’d wanted it. But, for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to come out. Not even after I’d lost the last attempt at a job I’d ever had, and settled into the Magnolia apartments friendless and hopeless and exhausted beyond belief. I didn’t have anything to lose anymore, but I couldn’t see how embarrassing myself by publicly transitioning would make my life any better. I was doing everything I needed by living as a woman online, I thought.

That history followed me into my dream, of course. And it colored everything and made me feel even worse and more desperate. I couldn’t believe I was back in school when I had such severe chronic fatigue, and I couldn’t even answer emails or voice messages anymore due to my C-PTSD.

And then, in the dream, one of my classmates, someone I’d made the mistake of considering a friend at the time, asked me why I’d decided not to wear any clothes.

And I turned to him and said, “Because dragons don’t need clothes.”

And then I ripped off my human disguise and woke up.

I simplify this considerably for Ptarmigan, condensing my personal history down to, “I’m trans. Was male in dream. Am female.”

She nods, and scratches at the stubble on her chin.

“Yeah, that shit sucks,” she says. “I’ve dealt with my own dysphoria in some terrible ways. I wish I could have done what you did.”

“You are Artist. You incarnate. Don’t you choose?” I ask.

“I’m not the Poet,” she says. “Sometimes I use words badly. But also, my existence is contradictory. I suspect yours is, too, if you look close or deep enough.”

“Explain.” I’ve decided I’m not putting up with any more vague bullshit from Artists. “Make me understand.”

“Yeah,” she says. Then she walks over to the southern edge of the building and looks out over the sound. “Being trans is part of my nature when I live as a human. I can’t stop from being it. All Artists are queer or neurodivergent or deviant in some way. This is one of my ways. It comes with the Art. In my case, I’ll choose one sex or another, and end up being a different gender from it. Kids these days would say that my sex is defined by my gender, and I like that. But I can’t explain what happens to me with those words because I’m not exactly born. So I’m not assigned the wrong sex at birth.” She looks back at me. “I choose, but then my choice is taken from me, by my own nature. But it’s even more absurd to me, because the whole gender thing as it is today is a construct of white supremacy. It should be irrelevant.”

That last comment seems like a confirmation to me that she’s Indigenous. But I don’t really know. The right thing to do is wait for her to share that information directly. And, she’s an Artist, not a human. Ethnicity may be irrelevant to her, too. There are more important things to consider at the moment.

“What’s your Art?” I ask.

She grins for the first time I’ve seen yet. It’s an awkward thing, full of ruefulness and stilted self consciousness, but her eyes twinkle.

“Nightmares,” she says.

I think about that for a moment, and she lets me, so I ask, “Did you cause mine?”

“No, I don’t cause nightmares,” she says. “Well. Not all nightmares. I navigate them. I find them. I dig into them. I pull them apart. And I learn from them. Or try. The world is full of so many of them, I’ll never read them all. Ever. But, similar to how Chapman’s Art works, it also turns out to be a pretty good way for making divinations. Which is how I found you.”

“What’s Chapman’s Art?”

“Physics,” she replies. “Sie is the Physicist. I’m the Nightmarist. And I’m trying to figure out what you are.”

“What if not Artist?” I ask.

“Then I’m thinking you’re something even more interesting, and I think you’ll want to know that as much as I do,” she says. “Your dream is definitely a big huge clue, too.”

“What is Säure?”

“A billionaire and an asshole who hides behind his carbon offset credits and social clout,” Ptarmigan says. “But I haven’t really taken a good look at him yet. I don’t know more than that. We’re going to have to find out. Chances are pretty good he’s just human, though. Most people are.”

“Yes,” I agree.

“Humans aren’t to be underestimated, though. They make tempting playthings for us Artists. And probably look tasty to you dragons sometimes. But they collectively control everything right now. And their short lives make some of them really bloody minded and rash.”

I don’t say anything to that. I’m not sure what to make of it. I agree with a lot of the words, but the sentiments are weird to me. A little off.

When it comes to my humans, at least, I just can’t bring myself to be that cynical.

“OK,” she says. “I think I want you to try daydreaming first. That will probably be the easiest test. I expect nothing from it, except maybe to be able to do a divination off of it if you daydream the right thing. But it’s the least amount of effort right off the bat. Are you up for it?”

“What about?” I ask.

“If my hypothesis that you’re the Artist of Transformations, or something like that, is correct, then that’s what you should daydream about. Try to recreate something like that dream you had, but while you’re awake.” She nods. “The next step is to put you to sleep and have you dream a nightmare like that for real, but that’s more invasive and more work. I’d rather not do it. Maybe if I learn the right things from this, we can try something else.”

“Okay,” I say, and then start pacing around the roof, looking at things, and thinking about what I should daydream about. What kind of transformation I should envision. And maybe what kind of nightmare scenario that transformation would solve.

Well, I’ve got a ready made scenario, at least. Säure’s next attack.

And my immediate emotional response is that I want to be bigger and tougher and able to withstand bullets. And to breathe fire indefinitely.

So, sure. I sit on my haunches near where Ptarmigan is standing and daydream about what that battle would be like. And about what it would be like to change my body into that greater draconic form.

While I do this, Ptarmigan pulls out a tiny sketchbook and a pen and starts scribbling in it while occasionally looking up at me. She sits down cross legged beside me after a few moments, and really gets lost in her work, flipping pages to work on new ones when the old one becomes too full of ink. And as she’s doing this, I feel a constant soft hum in the fabric of reality that has a harmonic in one of my nerves, like a slowed down and quieter version of the shift I get from Chapman when sie uses hir art.

In my mind, I’m taking to the sky and flying so high that it’s almost like I’m in orbit. And I’m so big and so impervious to everything that I can’t help but imagine that as being a form of intangible existence, like a spirit or a celestial being of some sort. A dragon made of starlight and lightning.

Bullets of any caliber are useless and helicopters go down in flames.

“Yeah. No. That would have been too easy,” the Artist of Nightmares says.

I break my revery and look over at my tablet before walking to it and tapping the screen for a bit, “Not work?”

“Oh, I read you just fine. You’re just not the Artist of Transformation,” she reports. “From what I can see, you’re just a dragon. It’s bewildering, frankly.”

“Told you,” I say.

“Sure,” she says. “Good solid nightmare visions, though. Thank you.”

I don’t have anything else to say to her at the moment. I’m once again at a loss myself. But, as I watch her, her eyes narrow.

“What?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m definitely not done with you,” she says.

Whatever, I think to myself. At least I’ve made some personal psychological progress today. I now have something I can reliably daydream about when I want to relax.

“Done today,” I say. “Please go.”

“Sure,” she says again. “I need to think about this, anyway. Thank you for working with me.”

“Okay,” I say.

“Take care,” she says, then wanders over to where the fire escape is and lowers herself onto it carefully and disappears down the stairs.

I huff and look out over the water again. I have some more thinking to do of my own.

#dragon #writeblr #transformation #transgender #original fiction #serial fiction

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rubywolf0201 · 8 months ago

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Gotta say, now that I'm watching the dub to Bucchigiri, I think it's pretty good, and even tries to clear things up in the dialogue, though not to the high standard of SK8's dub since there's no real standouts like David Wald's performance as ADAM.

The closest though has to be Ricco Fajardo's performance as Matakara. I've been following his roles for a decade now, and I'm impressed by his range across the shows he stars in and he manages to demonstrate that range so well here. Inversely, it's Arajin's VA who's new to voice acting, since this is his first major lead role in a dub.

Also a shout out to Shindo's dub VA for playing his first villain role in years and just delighting in chewing the scenery. It really sounds like he's enjoying this.

Yeah I caught a few of the dub clips on X/Twitter and while I do think that the dub cast isn’t as strong as the ones in SK8 (I WILL GET INTO THE SERIES SOON I PROMISE BUT NOT RIGHT NOW), I don’t mind it as I rather let some new talents shine and see how they perform in the long run. Well most of them are names I never heard of with maybe a few exception (Senya, Mahoro, Akutaro, Ichiya and Matakara).

So I’ll give out my opinions on some of the dub cast:

Arajin (Alex Mai): He isn’t bad by any means. I do like how in Episode 2, he made the scene where Arajin is forcibly pulled by Senya funnier than the original. Can’t wait to hear more of his performance.

Matakara (Ricco Fajardo): I only heard him a few times as Matakara but it is decent. It sounds close to his performance as Pandreo in FE Engage but with a much more mellow tone to it. (I don’t know how would Ricco tackle Corrupted!Matakara but I’ll just wait and see once all episodes are up) It’s a shame he doesn’t even mention or like any BUCCHIGIRI?! posts when I felt that it was a pretty decent role he has (tho then again not every VA’s are chronically online)

Mahoro (Lindsey Seidel): She’s ok so far. But I do think her raspy voice when showing her spiteful side felt a little off compared to the original VA where she just lower a few octaves or so but it’s still an okay-ish performance so far.

Marito (Kieran Fullton)- For a new-ish VA, his performance for Marito is just as close to the Japanese performance. I like how he balances out Marito’s playful side but also his sneakiness in some parts such as in the scene of Episode 2 where he asked Matakara about Arajin’s whereabouts before he gleefully says he is going to make him join Siguma.

Senya (Chris Guerrero)- I agent heard much but he does seem to act out the best he can. The part in Episode 2 where he managed to perfectly replicate the performance in the original where Senya is acting like a meow meow is just 👌🏻

Zabu (Daniel Van Thomas)- I think he’s ok but I do have certain issues in that I felt that his voice felt way too deep for a 16-17 year old boy. Still, it’s a decent performance but I preferred the original better (Sorry 😅)

Komao (James Marler)- I think he’s ok from the few clips I’ve seen, almost as close to the JP VA performance but still having some few differences here and there.

Outa (Wyatt Baker)- Can’t say much tbh. (Sorry)

Jabashiri (Alex Hom)- He’s alright so far. I only heard a bit of him back in Apothecary Diaries so it’s a bit surprising he was chosen to play Jabashiri.

Hagure (Van Barr Jr.)- Can’t say much tbh but I do like some of his performances from the few clips I caught of him.

Akutaro (Aaron Dismuke)- I do like his performance as Akutaro, sounds almost close to the original as well esp in that clip in Episode 6 where he ‘thanked’ the whole of Minato Kai and Siguma Squad for being close to his goal.

Overall, those are just my thoughts on the dub VA performance.

#rubi’s ask #bucchigiri?!

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j0jorocity · 5 months ago

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THE CHRONICALLY ONLINE ROME FAN’S BLOG

HELLO! WELCOME TO MY LITTLE CORNER OF THE INTERNET!

I’m Jojo! Here’s some stuff you should know about me before deciding to interact (byi list):

I AM UNDER 18! Under 12 and over 28 I would prefer not to interact with.

I use she/her pronouns and feminine terms but I guess I don’t mind masc and neutral pronouns and terms (link to my pronouns page)

I’m Hispanic (🇨🇺🇵🇪 RAHHHH) and I can speak English and Spanish just fine, though my Spanish isn’t the best 😞

I LOVE ROME SOKSSOSOOSOSSOSOSOS MUCH HES MY FAVOURITE EVER!!!!!!!! AND THE ANCIENTS!!!!!! And the rest yeah whatever

Hetalia is my main hyperfixation but I also like C*untryhumans. Please don’t block me I SWEAR IM COOL I LITERALLY DONT INTERACT WITH THE FANDOM AT ALL

IF WE’RE CLOSE I WILL USE MILDLY SEXUAL HUMOUR AND KMS JOKES (never kys). IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH WHAT I SAY PLEASE LET ME KNOW

I tend to be very straightforward with people who suddenly dm me, but I promise I’m not trying to be mean! :(

NOW, FOR SOME OF MY INTERESTS, FAVOURITE CHARACTERS AND ETC!

(In order from most hyperfixed to least, will also include my fave characters from each fandom and other thoughts)

HETALIA

Rome and literally all the ancients. I’m sorry I don’t care for the main cast but I like PruHun too

C*UNTRYHUMANS

IM SORRY OK IVE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR FOUR YEARS I CAN’T

Anyways I like ch America but only in my head. Please don’t block me please please please I want friends

SPY X FAMILY

I’m rewatching the anime rn lol, in the future I might post about this more

LOID FORGER I NEED A LOID FORGER IN MY LIFE

EPIC THE MUSICAL

To be completely honest I’m not very invested in epic (it’s just for a friend). I just think the music is cool. Vengeance saga was okay I guess but thunder saga literally peak (and the saga with Suffering I forgot the name

I like Athena

Less intense interests (that I might repost but not talk about) include:

Octonauts

Wild Kratts

Carmen Sandiego (2019 Netflix ver)

JJK

This list may change

IF YOU CAN’T TELL I LOVE TALKING. BUT THERE’S SOME PEOPLE THAT LIKE CERTAIN THINGS THAT I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO!

My DNI list:

General criteria

BIGOTS. HOMOPHOBES, TRANSPHOBES, RACISTS, MISOGYNISTS, TRUMP SUPPORTERS DNI.

PROSHIPPERS AND JUST PPL WHO SHIP PROBLEMATIC SHIT I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH 😭😭😭😭

(This includes, but not limited to: USUK, Itacest, Germancest, SPAMANO, CANAME/FRANADA/CANUK, SovReich. To be completely honest I GUESS I can talk with proshitters BUT DON’T FUCKING BRING THIS SHIT UP AROUND ME I HATE IT SO MUCH I DONT WANT TO HEAR PEOPLE DEFEND THESE SHIPS)

People who use brainrot humour 24/7 and are generally just annoying. Get a life.

PEOPLE WHO DON’T RESPECT OTHERS OPINION, KEYBOARD WARRIORS, ETC.

Artists who twinkify Poland more than he is 😭

May add more to this later since I’m forgetting a few things

YAY! You’ve almost made it through my intro post! Here’s just a last few tidbits about myself and then I can shut up 🫶

I HAVE A BAJILLION ANCIENTS HETALIA OCS (like 15 💀) AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT THEM PLEASE ASK ME ABT THEM AND I ALSO WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABT UR ANCIENTLIA OCS IF U HAVE ANY!!!

I have another blog for said ocs, @rometalia ,,, it’s a bit dead rn bc I’ve been busy with school :(

I’m open to all asks!!! But please nothing inappropriate I am a minor AND NO POLITICS 😭😭

My favourite hetalia ships are gerrome (OTP but it’s different in a way in my head. Talk to me about them I dare you), PruHun, SwissAus and amepan! I also like spaus and FrUK. Some ships I’m kind of on the fence about are rusame, rochu, generally any russia ship and most America ships but I consume and repost fanart of these ships just because I like the art!

My favourite YouTubers are Uncle Roger, Nick DiGiovanni and Guga. I love food and I kinda wanna become a chef in the future ☺️

Trying to beat the art block allegations day 37273627

MY BESTEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IS @fertaine !!!! I LOVE YOU MY POOKIE WOOKIE BEAR!!!!! FERTAINE HATERS DNI DNI DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT APPROACHING ME I AM THEIR NO.1 FAN AND DEFENDER

My gerrome side blog is @j0jorocityisntokay

If you see me reblogging from a proshipper (USUK and Spamano especially in this case), please let me know! I most likely didn’t know they supported these ships.

Almost forgot to mention, but here are my tags!

#jojo reblogs -> self explanatory

#jojo rambles -> me yapping or answering to asks, idk

#aph jojo rambles -> anything related to hetalia, so probably headcanons or whatever lol

#rome posting -> self explanatory

#flippity fart farmland posting tag -> me talking to Fern ☺️

#jojo’s art -> updated once in a blue moon I hate my art

Will add more as I see fit

THAT IS ALL, MY FRIENDS! I HOPE TO HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME ON THIS WEBSITE! 🫶

(The dividers that aren’t red roses belong to @kostevysen )

#intro post #hetalia #hi #jojo rambles

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phatcatphergus · 10 months ago

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yes!!! i love the little discussion/analysis you have going on! it always annoys me when people brush off tubbo saying stuff like ‘cooking is like create’ as him being weird or needing to touch grass. it’s not really about his minecraft obsession (ok it is a little) it’s about how his brain works and it’s a really interesting idea if you stop and think about it. people are too quick to dismiss his crazier statements sometimes but a lot of the time he’s totally right if you can look at it from a different perspective or understand that sometimes his wording is odd but the concept is solid.

(also lmao at pulling up your blog to see the last reblog being about asks. i've been seeing more anons/asks on this side of tumblr recently and i think it's neat!)

I think that a lot of the brushing off comes from the tubo moment/bee boy mentality. The fact that people see him as some quirky 3 year old and treat him as such leads so many people to brush him off, including himself. I think this is perpetuated by a few people, including his friends, who don’t see him as a ND adult and instead see him as some quirky teenager who’s too chronically online and privileged. (The topic of him being privileged is another rant for another time but people saying that to him makes me cringe a bit).

I think that when he first made the create/cooking comment, it was a genuine realization that he made about his comprehension of the subject. Afterwards, he repeated it because of how outlandish it sounds and how chat reacts to him saying it. But I think he has a few things that he does or says that he means genuinely because it makes sense in his mind and he doesn’t think about how it sounds to others. This leads to controversies of course, but i digress. I think that people don’t take him seriously for and he gets self conscious about it and doubts his own comment or understanding. Part of this may be because his friends poke fun at some of his ND behaviors in a joking way and don’t realize how serious he is about it.

The one example I can recall is the drunk MCC that Tubbo did with Tom, Jack, and Becky. Tubbo talked about how his dad did his dishes because the feeling of wet dishes/leftover food made him extremely uncomfortable. Of course, this sounds lazy and entitled to a lot of people and he was made fun of for it, but in a ND context *cough*autism*cough* it makes sense. His aversion to car seatbelts is the same thing. He has a lot of sensory issues and speaks about it often enough, he spoke about it a lot when making his og merch an how he wanted it to not “feel bad” and have good fabric because some fabrics bother him.

He never takes himself seriously because other people don’t and don’t allow him to. His brain works in very relative things (I know how i understand create mod and i can apply that to how i understand cooking) and if people allowed him to actually work out the true intention behind it, then more people would realize exactly how interesting his mind is. I fucking love psychoanalyzing him because of it.

Also, I’m so happy that people are talking about this stuff because its so interesting to me. I could talk about what II think of him on any topic for hours, there is literally so much to unpack about him. I think there’s an aversion to talking about creators themselves because they’re real people, which I get, but i think having open discussions and critical analysis of people keeps them human and isn’t a bad thing. So long as its not blatant hatred, talking about mentality, likes an dislikes, and behavior of creators is valid and needed in a space so people don’t become untouchable gods that are adverse to problems.

#feel free to drop an ask about this shit anytime bc i will go OFF about it #cc or character #they kinda bleed together sometimes too #his relationship with streaming and real life #the way that people perpetuate he’s stupid #his relationships with his friends and his they view him and his he acts with them #i love this shit #tubbo #tubbo analysis #anon ask

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nana2009 · 1 year ago

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ok i'm not one to comment on these kind of stuff and i'm a bit out of the bubble but apparently chronically online motherfuckers have decided to, once again, cancel funamusea.

seriously? a-fucking-gain? for the same fucking reason back in 2014, it's happening again because some twitter dwellers don't like HER CONTENT that she makes WITH HER OWN GODDAMN CHARACTERS.

how low in life do you have to be to instigate your own ideals of what's right and wrong on others, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE FROM A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CULTURE. yea, she may draw violence and controversial topics that are seen in a bad light(with a completely valid reason, i understand!) but for fucks sake, no one deserves to be burnt at a fucking stake over FICTION.

why don't you use your rage against somefin actually fucking dangerous to others, like, y'know, actual predators????? and leave this poor old woman alone, she's already went through so much, she doesn't need any more of your shit.

Funamusea is completely justified in stopping content for west audiences, and i hope she gets better soon. I love you sensei <3

#funamusea #long-ish post #dont like? DONT CONSUME. BLOCK. stop attacking her over mundane shit that only internet dweebs care about.#im so pissed off man how could you do this to my INNOCENT. LOVELY. ADORABLE SENSEI.#SHE IS SUCH A PURE AND BEAUTIFUL BEING. ONE OF THE ONLY GOOD PEOPLE TO COME OUT OF THIS 7 BILLION COCKROACHES. and you do this.#sensei marry me i will cherish you for life....♥♥♥♥

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null-whump · 2 years ago

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!!Opening Commissions!!

In yet another installment of life kicking me while I'm down, my bank account was compromised and I lost over a third of my savings. I can't work full-time because of my chronic pain and mental health, so I've been trying to do freelance and online work for the past month, but it's not the most reliable source of income. Basically, I'm looking for any way to scrape together funds so that I'll have an ok amount saved for when I move in May.

If you're aware of the rest of the saga then you know I can't get help from my parents, and my siblings, who would help if they could, aren't financially well enough off to provide much.

All this to say! I'm opening up commissions for writing and art! I set up an account on fiverr for my art commissions - I'm trying to get a refurbished tablet for cheap so I can resume digital art but for now it's just traditional.

My Fiverr

For writing, if you donate through my Paypal and send me a screenshot, I'll write something you request, with the length depending on how much you donate. Right now I'm thinking:

$5 or more: a snippet, around 400-500 words

$15 or more: short one-shot, around 900-1100 words

$30 or more: longer one shot, around 1900-2100 words

$45 or more: 3000-3500 words

My Paypal

Any little bit helps, even just sharing this post around!

#commissions #thank you to everyone who has been supporting me through this #i don't always reply to comments but they mean a lot #whump community

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m1ckeyb3rry · 3 months ago

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Ok forgetting moment pt. 20 I left the note where I wrote this open and can’t rmr if I actually sent it or not so if I did please delete this LMAO

FRRR I also really enjoy the panel where he has a lot of dark shadows on his face and he’s telling nagi not to get cocky after he was like “am I really a genius?”

RIN you getting inspiration for Rin is actually kinda crazy LMAOO but omg kiyora??? Your blog is just side character paradise atp but wait I’m kinda curious what else is in line in your inbox (if it’s not a secret you’re trying to keep LOL)

Karasu Shidou new duo coming soon move over Otoya /j but they definitely match each others freak LMAOO I bet Karasu’s like “your freaky but also extraordinary so I can respect you” and shidous just “yahoo!! Karasu chan!!” LOL

Karasu IS dad material he’s just the man of all men >>>> he would totally just lift his kid up and stare at them like “damn this extraordinary kid is MINE???”

I CANT WAIT FOR KARASU ARGUING WITH THE REF LMAOOOO and the stripper king scene is too funny!! Im also very excited for the moment that Barou and Nagi accidentally head butt each other HAHAHA

No because that’s so real I used to be SOOO into jjk and now it’s just kinda…..I am glad that the rollercoaster of a really confusing story is coming to an end so the suffering can stop but oh my…really hoping gege decides to put a bit of effort in for the ending!!!

Also I saw the pictures from your other ask reply and OMGGG THEYRE GORGEOUS!!! Looks like it was sm fun too! Hope you’re feeling better now and that your doctor has a solution for your nausea symptoms!

- Karasu anon

LMAO okay so you did send this in HOWEVER tumblr didn’t notify me?? which is why i took so long to respond despite now being at home and back to my chronically online ways (albeit jet lagged and still suffering from a migraine but we up) so it’s all good that you resent it HAHAAH

that panel is so villainous but so good HDJFLSKS like he looks EVILLLL but in such a cunty way!! i love how they’ve been juxtaposing karasu and nagi as of late…not just in personality but even in looks/drawing style they’re truly such opposites that their panels together slap SO hard 😮‍💨 definitely not biased because those two are my favs nope not at all

NO THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like if an idea for NAGI (my number one my baby the loml) can give me RIN inspiration it can truly happen to anyone 😬 imagine i try writing for karasu and then all of a sudden isagi is there?? like bro fuck off why are you wiggling your way into a plot that is NOT for you 😓 AND YES KIYORA I’M SO EXCITED tbh there’s lowkey no info abt kiyora even on the wiki so it’s time for me to take mad liberties with his character 😏 which i do love doing hehehe so i’m hype!! i’m so glad to be a safe space for side character enjoyers 🙏🏻 the more obscure the better…lowkey it’s so fun to write for characters like kiyora because i can truly write whatever and it’s so hard to make him ooc because what character does he even have to be in yk 😭 any “oocness” is just me giving him depth etc etc it may make the fic outdated once more comes out on him but me personally idc + i’m always spot on so 🥱 (mostly /j although in doing one of my current requests i realized that the reader calls kaiser a dog in the instrument and now it’s been revealed that his fav animals are stray dogs so maybe i’m onto smth fr 🫣)

LMAO no secrets here!! i have a note with my current requests so i’ll just paste that here 😄 they’re in chronological order of when the req was made but i fear i am NOT completing/posting them in that order 😟

[Secret gaming buddies — hiori

Prodigies — hiori

Singing reader — karasu

Karasu anon requests (any)

Classmates/friends to lovers — nagi

Karasu anon requests pt 2 (any)

Vague prompt — karasu or zantetsu

Cherry tree pt 2 — rin

The instrument pt 2 — kaiser (abt to post this one after i respond to some asks and take a post-riding lesson shower FJSKSK)

Vague prompt — kiyora]

vague prompt just means the person requested a character and literally nothing else HAHA but also yeah…as you can see karasu nation has been busy…although there are a couple of popular characters thrown in there!! i think once i post pt2 of the instrument i’ll probably get more reqs because atm i haven’t done a req since the last part of fwtkac and since that wasn’t answering an ask (since it was multiparts) lowkey people have probably forgotten i opened reqs back up again for bllk 😭 anyways hoping to get some more of these out of the way now that i have more free time and am not busily vacationing/writing karasu’s version of bfb (still cannot believe that’s the longest bllk fic i’ve written so far 😩)

HAHAAH EXACTLY like karasu acknowledges shidou’s freak but he’s undeniably talented/not mediocre so karasu has no choice but to be gang with him…meanwhile shidou is in it for the vibes + he thinks the bullshit karasu says abt erotic left legs and whatnot is super funny so they get along very well 😭 rip tabieita but i fear i am now a ryutabi TRUTHER 🤩 jkjk but no actually i’m going to make them besties at some point even if it’s just in a smau (although the otoya + shidou duo is also hilarious so dare i say trio?? and then yukimiya can get actually normal somewhat mature friends like reo and barou 😰)

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like bro is starstruck that he somehow managed to create something so perfect 🥹 honestly he already has parenting experience (dealing with pxg) i just know he’s prepared and ready for it

OMG YES literally any and all nagi + barou interactions i’m so excited because i miss them being together so much 😭 BEST bllk duo no question i cannot wait for them to be reunited post nel (because despite what the haters say nagi is NOT going anywhere and barou is eating it up atm so safe to say he’s staying)

i agree completely…i think it’s a mix of the pacing just not being enjoyable to me weekly + everyone dying + me getting busy with irl and then becoming super into bllk as soon as i had free time that just really made me so lukewarm!! i think it’s impressive what gege has managed to create and for sure what he does well he does EXCELLENTLY so i’m not here to hate as some people have been doing however i do think the writing is not always as good as it’s hyped up to be either (cough female characters cough) and there’s def spots that make me go “hm” 😔 i’m hoping the ending is satisfying and wraps up any loose ends but we’ll see…anyways leaks tn for jjk i think so ig we can get a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen based on the chapter!!

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL OVER THERE FR like sometimes i’d just stand there and be like “wow this feels like the set of a movie” it literally just didn’t even seem real at times 😭 probably going to call the doctor at some point this week and hopefully they offer good solutions because i’m still dizzy even lying in bed at home 😓

#answered asks

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necrocities · 7 months ago

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Since asks/dms aren't open, message for @entropy-sea-system below.

Still feel weird about making a post post, so I'll put this under a cut

Re: tags on this post and college

I don't know how much it'll mean, but specifically about how the medical field and doctors can be seen.

I want to say how valuable it can be to see other disabled people in this field. You don't have to be a shining star in a corrupt field to mean something to patients. It's valuable in itself to see someone who may understand or at least be less harsh on us due to mutual chronic struggles.

So, with this being a largely stressful factor, I hope I can ease that a bit. Other docs and their corruption, or the corruption of the medical system, don't make you automatically lesser for going into it. Even if vague people across the internet would be judgemental, they're not the ones coming into your office.

And if they do, they're asking for help regardless. So they'll have to swallow their indignity a bit.

I think I'm seeing that being an aspect of this stressor. The difference of online vs offline interactions. It's something that gets me as well. And hey. Shitty people are out there, but in such smaller quantities. Your average patient is there for help, and I swear it'll be ok.

I spent a lot of time in various medical facilities growing up, not just hospitals, and some people just won't click with their physician. But they don't go home with you at night. So they'll move on if the interaction isn't ideal. But those who do come to you again and again, they're looking for insight, to be taken seriously, and a shoulder to lean on. That line of professionalism helps on that end, I think.

It's normal for patients to find docs who keep a straight face, those who are expressive, and so many different mannerisms, but they understand at the end of the day that professionalism is a layer that demands respect.

Not in an authoritarian way either. But to know, they'll have to be respectful and work with you, not against you, to have an easier time sorting out medical issues.

Ah, ended up writing quite a bit. But I knew I had plenty to say, so I hope the words mean something.

#hareraiser #entropy-sea-system #medical #social interactions #life decisions

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blurrymango · 1 year ago

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You may not be the most braindead chronically online loser I've seen on here, but you're definitely in the top 10. Also I don't know how you think people would pay for your ugly ass low effort commissions, they range from looking like a 12 year old just discovered MS paint to a quarter finished doodle on some math homework

Well anon that's because some of them are quite literally made in MS Paint.

But also,my art is not low effort, I put time and love and joy into most everything I draw. Because I enjoy drawing.

Like yeah they're sloppy and scribbly and they look very unfinished but I like doing it.

Shit, even the MS Paint stuff I enjoy.

Yeah they're not good. But they're fun to make.

I draw mainly for myself. I draw my OCs a lot.

Because I enjoy it. I like what I do.

And I improve!

DOKI DOKI JUMPSCARE.

So uh.

Sorry you don't like my art, anon. And YEAH ffuck it does hurt a bit that no one wants to commission me, but that's ok. Because it doesn't stop me from making art that I enjoy.

Also yes I am chronically online blah blah blah I don't have a job yet and I'm not really trying all that hard to get one yadda yadda. I'm not a loser I'm a jock, I'm not braindead I'm autistic and correct and based and so on and so forth anyway why do you feel the need to hide behind anon or even send hateful shit in the first place? Who does it benefit? Not me, it's not going to make me change my beliefs, and it's certainly not helping you. I mean, you wasted your time seething over some autist online who makes "ugly low effort art" and I took that as an opportunity to show off some of my art.

I think instead of being a cringe hater, you should try being a based music fan. And by that I mean, I want people to listen to my playlist of songs I like immediately.

So yeah. :) :P :3

#mango man speaks

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drberkes · 2 years ago

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f*ck

Ok hi so I (12/2/22) am going to force myself to write now because the amount of anxiety is unacceptable and I have tentatively identified not enough writing as a possible source. So here we go: if you’re expecting a nice eggplant dish, please manage your expectations. I am going to do my best. I may just hand you a f*cken eggplant and tell you, “Best of luck, I’ve done all I can.”

Ok so how did I get here? I tried writing about it a bit for my Technology Awareness paper I wrote for Natalie, but that paper was just for fun and I’m not proud of it (there were swear words in it). Hmm…let me tell you about Anacortes, like I told one of my nurses when I was in the hospital for ten days back in May. My Aunt Barb and a friend she had liked for a long time decided to go on a road trip together. My Aunt was agreeable with everything her friend wanted - no audiobook, weird climate control requests, fancy bathroom requests, everything - even agreeing to go to Anacortes against her own judgment. She wanted to go to Port Townsend where they would have had no shortage of restaurants by the water to enjoy. They got to Anacortes and discovered that unless there is a festival, Anacortes is a sleepy little port town with not much going on. My Aunt spent her time there in the quilt shop, making the best of it, while her friend went off to get a tshirt. So they wound up in Anacortes with nothing to do and only a t-shirt to show for it. This journal entry, written in December (December!) is the same t-shirt from Anacortes. And the agreeableness I’ve described here is just the tip of the iceberg for her trip. Boy, let me f*cken tell you… …like I told everyone at the ketamine clinic. I was supposed to be tripping balls during my extremely expensive infusion and getting an abundance of insights from my subconscious but I spent the last half of it babbling to my doctor about everything that I haven’t written about yet - all the people I tried to help and how it almost killed me. I’m seeing four paragraphs now so I’ll take that as a sign that I am probably going to survive. BUT *********@#$%^, WTF. People people people are just people, people, people (Brown). And chronic stress prevents our writing/reading/learning brains from getting online. Less writing, more stress. It’s enough to make you crazy if you let it. Anyway, I have no idea where to begin inspiring you with the extremely horrific dumpster fire that is my mental health and how I got here. So I’ll start with you. If you’re reading this, you are probably a person. What does it mean to be a person? I wish I could bust out one of my papers and tell you what I think, but hellfire in the form of a dozen pieces of garbage masquerading as people rained down on my f*cken house. I’ve had windows broken, death threats, graffiti across the street (“f*ck you” written on the curb). All because when people get pushed in the wrong direction, they make bad decisions. They decide they want to go to Anacortes. For the record, I want to go to Port Townsend. But I’ve already been there. Thanks Aunt Barb! 🙂 What was Port Townsend supposed to look like for me? Let’s circle back to the beginning of the pandemic. Kameron was out. So I’ve just spent a couple years at a community college and got sent home like Isaac Newton. What am I gonna do? Study Calculus? Write 100 papers? No, I’m gonna try to help Kameron. And Clay and Cameron and his girlfriend Missy and Brynn and Robert all at the same time. This where we’ll lose some definition...there were so many encounters there where I tried using my AS to push as hard as I could in the right direction. The outcomes were mixed: Kameron went back to prison, Clay moved to NY with Jeff, Cameron and Missy had to move also, and I worry about Brynn. Robert is doing better and has a job now. Why did this f*cken happen? Because they needed more help than I could give them. Lesson learned: you have to identify if someone is doing well enough for you to help them otherwise they will just pull you down too. It is not their fault. I suppose you get to be a certain age and you’ll get weird looks if you still act like a child, but I digress. These folks are good people who wound up in bad situations because of forces beyond their control. That reminds me of what my Uber driver told me when I came back from Portland right before (AM)^2 started: “...they’ll eat you alive.” But if someone is heading down a path where they’re gonna end up in a bad position when they’re older and I can do something about it, how can I choose not to act? How can I sit there and protect myself when there is work to be done? Now we’re getting into Tara Brabazon. Anyway, this all sort of came to a head when I lost my job, checked myself into the hospital, got out and promptly had a tiny, tiny relapse which actually improved my PHQ-9 score considerably. But ah, now Tara Brabazon is reading this I’ll just head off to watch some of her videos. I feel better already having written something. Yay. Why did I lose my job? Because if I try to show up I’ll get probably get arrested. Why did this happen? ...and reason 546 is because I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t take care of myself well enough. And I wasn’t careful enough. I built a gun that shoots live piranhas and aimed at my fucken self.

#anacortes #ketamine #tara brabazon #ativan

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