#i make sure to look after myself though
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it actually concerns me the amount of people who will go to the gym or exercise and not even enjoy it, hate it even
#like dedicating that much time to being miserable is crazy to me#find something you enjoy and do that instead#gardening or kayaking or something man stop torturing yourself#i personally enjoy it a lot I'm one of those mfs who gets distracted for hours and feels the desire to go just about every day#i make sure to look after myself though#got the weirdest look when i told someone I'm there because i like it a lot hahaha
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you've heard of: aroacespec "is this person flirting with me" confusion, now get ready for: Does this person think I'm flirting with them (and also are they flirting "back" with me) because I accidentally bumped into them a lot?
#new jersey girl seems to really like me that makes me happy#nobody's been attracted to me before#but it'll make me sad if she asks me out#because even though I LOVE her i think i'd have to say no just because i really imagine myself#with a boyfriend far more than a girlfriend lately and i don't want to put her into a relationship that might end up feeling like#misgendering...#aro#ace#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#arospec#greyromantic#greyro#I said this#we've been walking all over campus together and she's um. not a very considerate walker i keep#almost getting pushed off the path so that's whyh i keep bumping into her lol#but also she seems to like standing/sitting near me?#and i said 'i think my face is a little...' because i was thinking it felt like it got too much sun#and she was like 'i think your face is a little too-- wait what did u say?'#and i said i didn't even use an adjective but said burnt/red was what i should have siad#and she just said 'i think your face is a little'#like is that an oblique compliment??#okay the funniest part is yesterday she said some random girl came up to her and said she looked pretty and she wasn't sure if it was#flirting or just a compliment so she doesn't even know what flirting is either lol#also she calls me Data now bc i told her about hwo my uncle said my parents consult me like picard consults data lol#tbh maybe i gave her the wrong signals by moisturizing when she was in my room last night?#(kept sticking my hand under my clothes. my roommate brought her in right after i showered)#i asked my roommated if that was weird and she thought it was fine but she might not be the best metric
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now that artfight is over i can take some time to properly design them before i make new refs
#null havoc damage#ultraman showtime#allegro and lyle are basically done i think. i just gave allegro his arm fins back#i took them off at one point but after remembering that belial and geed have them im putting em back on#i still think lyle looks too simple but then again whenever i try to draw a showa ultra i go 'this is too simple'#so im leaving him as he is .#i adapted zero darkness' markings for zstar this time and i like it a lot i think the lightning bolt esc patterns look super cool#marize also looks too simple but alas... i dont want to overdesign her either#im also not sure i like the shade of pink i picked for her metal i might mess with her colors more#but i like the idea of her metallic bits being iridescent bc she looks like a fish#i did not attempt to do that in the shading though . which may be why it looks bad#idk. my power is flickering so im too scared to draw on my pc so ipad doodles are happening instead#i also dont know why i gave zstar that stupid ass smirk i just drew it on her and was like yeah ok#I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE THE BOYS MATTE AND THE GIRLS SHINY. THATS JUST HOW IT SHOOK OUT#allegro could be shiny but when i tried to make him shiny it looked weird. might try again later#i think i just need to do a bunch of iterations with marize and then pick one and make myself be satisfied with it#or else im going to mess with her design for weeks on end. sorry mari
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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out of curiosity, how are two of the jrwi characters not human but still white? i don't listen anymore but I saw your spreadsheet (well made, funny) also would love your thoughts on the names of the poc characters
Glad you asked! For most of the non-human characters, they were anthropomorphic animals so they didn't have any skin color for me to chart. However, Rumi and Runt aren't human, but have human qualities to them!
Rumi (left) is a shapeshifter who takes 3 separate forms over the course of the campaign. Not human by dnd standards, and could have any (humanoid/anthropomorphic) form in the entire world! She stays white for all 3 forms though.
Runt (right) is a mousegirl, who comes from an underground city filled with animal-people. One of the other members of the party in that campaign is a literal owl, so she could've been a full animal like him! For some reason though, she's white. Sad!
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#and i assume the name of poc characters refers to harlem shade: and ive already gotten another ask about that#so im going to ramble my thoughts over there#for jin and vyncent though.. aaahhh im not sure#im white myself so i feel weird speaking on that. im not an expert or anything ^_^!#i just wanted to write out that data in a spreadsheet + charts after getting a request for it#but for vyncent i need to also mention thats not his actual name!#he comes from another realm#and his real name is virion#and he was told that was weird and hard to spell and he needed to cover it up (superhero-wise). so he changed it to fit in#which is really really poc coded#theyre also. weird and racist with his whole 'from another universe' thing#(i.e: 'woaaahhh look at that guy and his weird foods and eating rats' for a character resembling someone east asian)#but sometimes theyre kinda okay with it#anyway id defend vyncent and jin is. i dont know much about his character so i cant speak there#but harlem is another thing im gonna explain in the other ask#anyway hope this helps anon! o/
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"reblog for something lgbt to happen to you" at this point i'd be grateful if something straight happened to me
#bluebird.txt#i'd love to stop feeling like an unlikeable freak!!!#i get it i'm gay i look at least like a lesbian and at queerest as Some Thing I'm Not Sure How to Gender#but like. damn bro!#not even anyone? at all?#first of all i get no attention from girls and there's barely any thems (and im friends with most of the thems)#secondly not that i want the attention of cishet men but as i said before i'll take fucking anything to feel something#the most i get from cishet men has been laughing when i run because im late to class or a concert#like okay wow you find someone just running funny? i pity your entire brain#i think im just bored#its not like i understand romantic stuff any more really#i understand it on a logical level i think#but tell me why when i find a girl i have a huge crush on the SECOND i just need out platonically with someone else#the girl evaporates from my brain#and when i make the attempt to put myself out there and be like hey wanna go on a date?#all will to actually go on the date also evaporates?#she hasn't answered and that's an answer so im like alright even if you texted me late i actually do not care if i never see you again#not in a malicious way!!! just in a very bland you have not made a meaningful impact on my life way even though you seem cool!#which doesn't sound much better but trust me i mean these factually objectively not personally meanly#i have other friends mostly cis friends who have gotten guys after them and as much as like most of those guys are at best#a little annoying and at worst sort of creeps#like. THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED TO ME EITHER!!!#when i walk alone on campus esp when it's dark i do worry about assault and rape and stuff#but that's just the statistics and stuff#i know i'm not immune but in a weird way not being liked by anyone at all gives me reassurance that well#at least i'll probably never be assaulted at least not any time soon bc no one's ever looked at this (me) and had any kinds of#attracted thoughts#though that's definitely a false sense of security#after all someone could decide they hate transgenders and gender ambiguous people and assault me of course that could always happen!#i don't think it's likely to but. you never know!
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The Me who bought tickets to see TMBG in february 2023 and the Me who's going to actually go to the show next month are two completely different people
#slash extremely negative#it's funny to actually live this whole sort of cliche of: the time between buying tickets and going to the show can be so absurdly long#with what was supposed to be my 1st 'real' concert no less#'i bought the tickets as a teenager but i'm going to see them in my 20s etc' and stuff like that#and then when it gets rescheduled too... well. a year and 9 months is in fact a pretty long time!!!#and i'm not even talking about rescheduling due to covid because god at least i didn't have to deal with that i guess#(it IS funny though that by the time the 30th anniversary of flood tour ends#flood will be 2 months away from turning 35. so yeah lmao a lot happened in the meantime huh)#anyways day two of going crazy going insane for no reason other than well i guess that's just my life now!!!!! 😃😃😃#me when i say i'll stop documenting my rapidly progressing mental breakdown online and then keep doing it anyway#but idk maybe this will heal me in some way. my only hope rn no joke#and my mom actually seemed to be unsure if i we should book the hotels and stuff because. ig i'm this obviously unwell even over the phone#but BY GOD this is the only thing i can really look forward to right now i really need this to survive#(trying to forget how i was doing in september of last year when they rescheduled the tour#and i couldn't even be sure if i'd ever get to see them in the end lollllll#and at the heights of my tmbg obsession this was my number 1 dream. i mean it still is)#also i think i'm finally entering my tmbg autumn era now with some more frequent listening after not doing so for a while#how could i let myself pretty much forget that i love tmbg??? and that their music is so good and makes me happy???#they're still my fav band of all time just like they were back then. THAT didn't change at least#it's just that now they share that spot with sparks also lol. can't choose between them and why should i anyway#what else. ig i just hope i get the energy to finally draw tomorrow at least#because if i don't turn the ideas i have into reality then they will never become real! and that would be so sad#so maybe this can be my main reason to continue for now. whatever#goosepost
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unpopular opinion the Maya models don’t look bad at all. But at the same time the only ones that look good to me are the ones in darker clothing, with darker skin, etc etc because YOU CANT TELL THERES NO FUCKING TEXTURING!!!!!!!!!
#rwde#also mostly talking about how the Maya models looked in v4-5 and somewhat 6 because#Wow the moment they put in that really chunky shading that looks ugly. IT LOOKED UGLY#characters like ilia looked good to me. no im not saying that cuz im her bff bestie forever friendship bracelet im genuine#adams design fucking sucked but I will not lie he looked good. and he looked fucking stellar in the short with his old design.#though again. that short had bloom lighting. and bloom lighting clutches all#they made his horns look like horns! yes we lost the mask texturing in the war but also WE GAVE HIS ASS ACTUAL HORN LOOKING HORNS!!!!!#ok enough stroking the only two characters I talk about on this account.#nora looked good! she wore bright colors yes but she also had that blacker jacket.#Ruby’s design also sucked but imo i feel it translated decently into Maya!#but then we get to v7 and you can noticeably tell stuff starts looking shitty outside of the backgrounds.#They smoothed out the girls faces. Will not lie it sometimes looks like they just copied Ruby’s base four times#and only editted the busy size or height to make the girls. The shading makes stuff look bad. The bloom lighting is gone.#Obviously I’m not wanting to blame the animators or modelers as they are for sure overworked to make this.#And as A 3D animator and modeler myself I do genuinely hope these people can be treated well.#But sadly just…. the models after v7 ain’t it for me
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#ser anthony hopkins looks as gooped as i was#fun! biggest challenge since mohg (three tries)#more bosses that basically go “ma'am you are going to learn these attack patterns or get your bits blown clean off” thank you#those dual-wielding knights out behind him though.... straight to jail#the one on the left side of the castle that acts like you're going to be able to sneak up on him and then he just#unsheathes#they knew what they were doing#ølden ring#other stories from today is me managing to get myself so thoroughly stuck in the level geometry#(between a mountain and one of those ghost trees)#that after a few seconds the game just flat out struck me dead on the spot#“oh he's real stuck we're not getting him out yeah just nuke 'em and make him respawn”#“sure it'll make his runes drop in a wall where he can't reach but that's just too bad he probably didn't need those anyway”#(i did :( )
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thwacks tumblr stop eating my tags and tell me when i hit 30 max >:I
#snow speaks#JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF EATING MY TAGS I HAD THINGS TO SAY#well not anymore bc i think they werent all that important just me sobbing my eyes out tbh#was it always 30??#i feel like i always rambled more than that but i always hit 30 these days and then it just eats my tags#im pretty sure it was 40 before ...#oh well#anyways no one look at me.#i was having A Time last night#i think im gonna wind up finishing the manga today though or some time this weekend bc its a 3 day weekend#so enough time to make me catch up on sleep and rest#ive been doing ok otherwise#my friends want to study together today and im mildly struggling with 'how the fuck do i present myself after going mia for two whole weeks#we'll manage. its just anxiety bad#lmao reward myself with finishing the manga ig i have like 5 chapters left to go
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ive inherited a copy of lolita from my parents (i.e. i stole it from the library in our basement and started treating it like its mine) with the 1989 vintage international cover and i think its actually not that bad. better than the 50th anniversary one with the lips anyway imo (which is the cover for the library ebook vers ive checked out).
like i think any cover that incorporates the "only convincing love story of our generation" quote anywhere kind of sucks on principle, and the fact that it features a photo of a girl at all really goes against nabakovs instructions, but compared to other covers that break those two rules, the haziness of the photo creates a really evocative atmosphere i feel matches the book more or less.
#im keeping most of my lolita thoughts to myself because i know it can be an uncomfortable book to talk about when#not intentionally trying to engage with it but. good lord ive highlighted a lot!#mostly stuff where H.H. is being a lying little bastard even in his narration#theres also this passage in ch14 after he um. 'stole the honey of a spasm' when dolores sat on his lap (not a fun passage to read lol!)#where he goes: What I had madly possessed was not she‚ but my own creation‚ another‚ fanciful Lolita—perhaps‚ more real than Lolita;#overlapping‚ encasing her; floating between me and her‚ and having no will‚ no consciousness—indeed‚ no life of her own.#(end quote. forgot quotation marks) which ohhhhh my god. subtlety is for losers lmao.#H.H. IS VERY VERY BAD AT MAKING HIMSELF LOOK GOOD DESPITE HIS BEST EFFORTS.#he claims he memorized charlottes confession of love perfectly and had conveyed in on paper perfectly#but also he completely skipped parts of it (including where she talks about her late son) and inserted the line:#'you would be a criminal--worse than a kidnapper who rapes a child.'#yes. im sure she said that. to the letter.#or when hes like i didnt marry charlotte with the intention to (extremely detailed grusome murder plan). but ill admit. i thought about it.#and then she oh so conveniently gets run over by a car when she discovers his journal. yeah. sure. right.#SORRY again i havent been Posting My Thoughts on it but i am having thoughts on it in general.#it really is a beautifully worded book though. its got great prose. makes the actions worse almost because its filtered through this#dreamy artistic self-justification. which - to go back to the original point of this post - i feel this cover conveys well LMAO#its so much better than the movies oh my god head in my hands#jumping between the most 2008 musical to ever exist‚ legally blonde fanfiction‚ and a controversial literary classic. im versatile.
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Me: [hates talking to people over the phone because it’s awkward and makes me anxious]
Also me: [has witnessed multiple people experiencing extremely painful, gory, and/or life-threatening events and only felt a mild sense of curiosity and ”Wow! If I don’t (help them)/(feign empathy) right now I’ll look like a bad person.”
#It’s weird#I’ve drilled it into myself to help people so much that it’s become instinctual and I’m not entirely sure what motivates me#I’d say it’s a desire for recognition but I still do good things when no one is watching… unless subconsciously I believe in god?#I don’t really care about anything anymore but I still behave like I do.#Like a plane continuing to run on autopilot after the pilot and co-pilot have both died in the cockpit#I don’t even necessarily care about people all the time; I just care about doing a good job at something deemed “morally correct”#even if I do care about the people the urge to “correctly” complete tasks is still foremost in my mind#which can backfire and cause me to do something that hurts instead of helps because I misinterpreted what someone wanted me to do#which will then only make me feel bad because “people will hate me because I look like an evil sadistic idiot”#vent tw#I accidentally responded with the stock “Good… How are you?” to my aunt directly following the death of my cousin#She was PISSED (rightfully so)#But people never ask that question genuinely; so I never answer genuinely.#If however I were to answer genuinely; I’d say I feel like a steaming pile of goose poo. Every single time.#but that’s not socially acceptable so I just say “Good” as a rule no matter what… I could be bleeding out and say the same thing#And I ask them how they’re feeling so the conversation doesn’t seem one-sided#(even though it is; I’m just spitting their own words back at them)#and I get rewarded for my minimal-effort conversational skills by being placed into MORE social settings I despise with all my being
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alt*rnative spr*ng br*ak day 1. i need to be on campus in 3.5 hours. i have packed nothing and have done no laundry. i have not prepared for any of the facilitation i need to do today. i am experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and burnout ♥️
#this is my first time ever doing an in person asb and also my first time being part of the asb planning process and i am soooooo nervous and#unprepared and overwhelmed. and i volunteered myself as the staff member staying at the hotel making sure no one gets into trouble and#responding to crises / emergencies if they arise and i may be assigning more importance / weight to that role than there actually is given T#that they are all college students and i am less than a year removed from being a college student myself. but i am so nervous i want to#redacted. and i am not prepared for the situations that might arise. at all whatsoever. lollllll#purrs#btw unlike the retreat tag or the conferences im name dropping asb bc like every school has them and a lot of schools have spring break this#week. so i am not doxxing myself 😈 (and i didn’t need to tell u that but im doing it lol. aaaaand post)#delete later#also the amount of stress i have been under lately w work is like. actually insane and we are not getting a break (though i should take one#lol) but after this is over i will have my life back a little bit maybe and i hate to say im looking forward to it so much but i am. i just#want to rest and recover. it’s literaly been nonstop since we were abandoned in july (lol) and i feel so crushed by the weight of everything#we’ve been carrying and how much responsibility i have had to take on in my FIRST YEAR!!!!!!!!! and i would’ve gone crazy if i hadn’t takej#on big responsibilities ofc bc of my mental illness <3 but the impostor syndrome + the relentlessness intensifying every single day are just#so so so heavy to carry. and i can feel my mind and body and heart giving out but i have to keep pushing forward
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You know I definitely fucked up pacing the race by getting a 50 mile PR in the middle of running 100 miles but I WILL say I’m pretty proud of the fact I ran 50 miles essentially without stopping
#well without stopping as much as you can when you run for 10+ hours#there were 2 very short inclines I told myself I was gonna walk#but after mile 20 I just kept forgetting to walk them#also after mile 20 I knew I was running too fast but as soon as I stopped focusing on running slower I would speed up again#at the same time I was also looking for a decent section to make myself walk#but every definable section either seemed too long or too short#which is really stupid considering I could’ve literally just made it up ANYWHERE#but I just kept running#next time though I’m gonna walk way the fuck more in the beginning that’s for sure#I know now#I KNOW#also I will actually treat the blisters even if they don’t hurt#because they WILL#my one toenail is still all fucked up#that hurts the most out of all the rest of my body#still not sure about wearing shoes tho#running#but yeah super solid performance from me for the first 50#absolute disaster mess for the second 50 lmao
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ace attorney is NOT set in america it is set in JAPAN
#sorry this is irrelevent i just felt like i had to make this post#i was googling and it fucking pissed me off#its absolutely fucking IMPOSSIBLE to find any information about the actual unaltered canon of the games#i dont feel like having the argument about how rubbish and wrong the translation is again literally talking to myself#but i actually FUCKING HATE it#i certainly no longer play it#i still have the english only pirated versions of the later games on my phone but only cause i havent got around to finding the proper obes#another fucking nightmare pirating japanese media in japanese#even learning how to google search might not help me there i get the impression its not as common#anyway i was trying once again to figure out where its actually set#other than kanto and within view of mt fuji according to the anime#and tokyo metropolis which isnt all of kanto even though wiki says it is#?#i dont think its set in tokyo city cause in the anime it looks like a smaller city#tokyo city doesnt actually exist anymore btw its just a load of wards in tokyoto now#but its not all the prefecture#well anyway i sort of hope it isnt tokyo city tbh cause i sort of hate it#not all of tokyo metro area i like yokohama and other parts of kanagawa and im not really familiar with the rest but dont mind it#i dont even hate the suburbs of tokyo city they look the same as all the suburbs everywhere else#the city bit just pisses me off. and its so fucking overrated. and full of nutters probably. and this is where most of what you here#about japan comes from. but its actually quite a normal place if you ignore central tokyo#this is coming from someone who actually sort of likes london btw so maybe im the nutter#i mean i dont actually hate tokyo its perfectly fine even reminded me of uk or stuff cities sometimes. though not the good parts#but it just annoys me. like the concept of it#i dont even have that strong opinions on uk cities like seriously why foreign coties. well i used to actually only i dont care now#cause im an adult. but then i got bored of that and atarted to hate tokyo instead. id probably be better off just hating the uk ones#actually i still do a bit though my opinions have changed#not saying which ones though thats no ones buisness. though you might be surprised#well maybe not with what i have to say about tokyo#not sure even ace attorney could make me actually like tokyo. even though it sort of did for japan after i hated being there
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:(
#Look dude sik*nder is a shitstain#But he isn't ugly#And S*nicF*x ABSOLUTELY isn't ugly#Idk the 3rd guy involved but calling him fat as a gotcha is stupid dude#It's so fucking dumb to resort to barbs about appearances but I know that's what most people default to#Man I feel bad for Ern*sto having to sit there and listen to it all. He looks so uncomfortable#I don't think the Ur Mom/Ur Dad joke is a huge deal because I assume S*nicF*x didn't know that S*kander's dad was dead.#That reads to me as a Truly Unfortunate Social Faux Pas Mid-Beef/Hate-Sesh#Like obviously it's bad after the fact but I don't think hes the type to make that if he KNOWS that the parent is dead.#That doesn't seem like him. He's got a penchant for being inflammatory for sure but he doesn't go around saying stuff like that afaik#Now granted I don't have a Twitter myself so I only catch this stuff secondhand so maybe I'm wrong#It definitely hurt S*kander though and I sorta feel like S*nic should apologize for that but at the same time S*kander has been so much#Of an asshole that I wouldn't really blame S*nic if he just shrugged and took it as a reminder to use UrMom/UrDad jokes#Mainly with people he knows/knows better#Like why apologize to someone that harassed you all the time?#If they're trying to hurt you on purpose all the time - then hurting them accidentally ain't so bad in some cases#Now they're unique because they're extremely niche internet celebrities#But still
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