#i make it sound like a bigger deal than it is most people are supportive but like. i still can't stand how no one treats it as a spectrum.

[hilacopter]

hate how people can't fucking differentiate between ADD and ADHD and don't understand that it has different degrees of severity like autism does. don't know if it's just a my country/language thing but here we call it either ADHD or attention deficit disorder kind of just interchangeably, which is a big fucking problem because it doesn't acknowledge the hyperactivity and everyone with ADD just gets lumped in as ADHD because I guess we forgot what the damn H stands for. nowadays every kid is getting diagnosed with it (often self diagnosed or by their parents just because they daydream in class and fidget sometimes) so I get situations where I explain to people how I need to pace around and I need constant stimulation and I can't retain information well and all of my ADHD traits aren't things I can just change and they go "well I/my kid/whoever else has attention deficit disorder and they don't need to do all those things, stop using it as an excuse" do you understand my hell.

[aritamargarita]

SOLITUDE || 001

hello and welcome to the debut of solitude. to all my current readers, you already know what’s up, but to new and curious readers, this installment is based off of climbing the food chain of wwe, taking place in mostly the modern era, so there are superstars spanning from 2013 the earliest to 2022..

just let me cook on the timeline a little bit okay, you'll like it LOL. there’s a lot of Twitter segments in this so i hope it’s not annoying, they’re going to die down for the most part later i promise

without further ado, please enjoy!

TODAY IS THE first day of your call up. The support you’ve gotten from your friends from the training center was wonderful, but you’re still feeling antsy and incredibly nervous. Hopefully, your first day on the brand goes well..

Shawn Michaels was the one to break the news that you were getting called up. You could remember it so clearly because you completely ambushed him with an excited hug once he dropped the bomb on you.

He had patted your back and told you to lighten your grip a little bit, but not without a grin on his face.

If it’s one thing you deserve, it is the chance to expand your career. You always came early, and you were always prepared to learn.

You weren’t sure how to feel when he told you that you’d be heading to the main roster.

You only started as a superstar on the indie circuit and are only used to being on much smaller channels and local shows. You couldn’t even imagine being on WWE, which was broadcast on national television!

He had seen the look on your face and quickly tried to do damage control.

“We’re soft-launching you, or however you kids say it these days,” He told you. You think he grumbled something about how social media was confusing, but you brushed him off. ��As an interviewer, I mean.”

“Huh..” You give a shrug. “As long as I can wrestle sometime.”

He had assured you that you will, sooner than you think, but they just wanted to focus on your speaking. Once they (and you), were more confident, they’d allow you to be in much more opportunities.

Such is life, you guess. Get through these obstacles for a bigger reward. You gave your gratitude to Shawn as you had a lot to look forward to.

If you’re not mistaken, WWE had already posted a teaser on their twitter. For some reason, you would find yourself constantly checking the tweet.

@WWE ✓

We hear someone is entering the scene… 👀

1.2K reposts 120 quotes 14K likes

—is what it said. The flurry of tweets under it were mixed. Lots of people wanted to know what the deal was, though some were already speculating it was an old star coming back.

However, the few fans that knew of your work had their guesses. Some of the pictures you posted on Instagram were cryptic hints, but you knew how the internet was. Crazy detective work..

But anyhow, people around the training center know that you’re pretty introverted. You only came to get some work done and go home. It was hard for others to get to know you at first.

They like to call you shy, but you’ve started to hate that word the more it’s used. It holds you back too much. You won’t make it far if you’re stuck with that description for your entire life.

Fortunately, they know what you lack in words is made up for in the ring. There’s no question that you’re good, you just tend to get nervous when speaking to the public.

At heart, you knew they wanted to help you out, and they wanted you to become the best you can be! If you start practicing, you’re sure to be a star!

As motivating as it sounds, it’s still stressful. Going out of your comfort zone was nothing new. It’s a given if you want to wrestle properly, but it still makes you uneasy.

You know you’ve gotta put your best foot forward and do this despite it. This was your only chance, and you absolutely can’t mess this up.

Most of the people still training had given you their well wishes. It’s heavily appreciated; after all, you won’t see them anymore unless they’re called up there themselves.

You think you’ll miss Carmella the most. She was your training buddy, and you think she was the most excited about you getting called up. You hope that she’ll be next soon enough….

As of right now, you look tired. You damn sure feel tired.

It causes you to lie down on the floor of the locker room. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but fuck it. You’ve already made a bad decision by staying up all night out of excitement. It’s starting to come back to you.

Of course, you came to the arena a little too early. (which was an inside joke between coaches, you’re too punctual for your own good..)

You were sure most of your coworkers hadn’t arrived yet, and you weren’t sure if you wanted to see them. It’s not that you don’t want to, you’re just nervous to meet them.

Especially since you’ll probably be half asleep and may forget their names.

Much to your misfortune, a woman comes in, sunglasses on and suitcase handle clenched in hand.

She only lowers them with a finger once you’re in view. “Oooh,” She starts, then clicks her tongue. It’s apparent that she’s mocking you already. “..You look like trash.”

“Thanks,” You say with a sigh. “It’s so appreciated.”

This is not a good start. You make the move to get up off the comfortable ground and the woman puts a hand on her hip.

She’s not very amused, moving a free hand to flip her blue hair. “Did they get me a personal makeup artist? Or…are you just everyone’s stylist? Never seen you here before.”

“I’m new. An interviewer.” You say. Giving yourself that title feels much weirder than saying you were a wrestler. “Pray tell, who am I talking to?”

She’s a little taken aback by the cynical tone in your voice but takes her sunglasses off. This woman doesn’t think she’s met her match yet.

“Of course you don’t recognize a celebrity when you’re in front of one. Let me refresh your memory a bit. How does this sound? The boss, the blueprint, the standard!” She pauses for a bit for dramatic effect. “…Sasha Banks. And I better not have to repeat myself. Who exactly are you?”

“You have a pretty name.” You start off with. Honestly, you didn’t want to make an enemy out of her as much as she wanted to make one out of you. You hope she could see that. “I’m [Name], and you’re right. I am new. Maybe we can get to know each other a bit more.”

It actually seems to work because she falters for a second. “…What?”

You hold out your hand to her and she looks at it for a moment before shaking it with a scowl. Before you realize it, she’s already taking her hand back.

“I’m assuming you’re wrestling? Do you have a match?” You quickly ask, not giving her a second to recover. “I’d like to interview you after if you do.”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Sasha drops her suitcase. She’s unsure if she could stand your bright personality for a second longer. You’re going to be a problem in the future. “Sorry, not sorry, but you’re a nobody. What’s the point?”

“It was worth a try. But if that’s what you want I won’t force you.” Sasha rolls her eyes at your response. You’re way too nice. “At least tell me, do you think it’s fun here?”

“Fun?” She repeats. “Tch, I know you didn’t just ask if it was fun. Get real. There’s nothing fun about being here. There’s only one thing that matters, and it’s the Divas Championship. Got it?”

“Got it.” You nod. Divas Championship…duly noted. You don’t think you’ll be going for it anytime soon. “Who’s got it?” You’ll have to ask if the standard Women’s Championship was still in circulation as well.

“AJ Lee.” She answers. It’s the least snarky answer she’s given you so far, but she reverts back to it. “I swear, I’m gonna drag her ass across the mat for that title. She makes me sick with her skipping around.”

You voice your thoughts. “She skips?” That’s one way to get to the ring. You’re curious now. “I wonder if I can interview her…she must have a lot to say about her reign so far.”

“What?” Sasha’s immediately offended. “Um, no. Who says you’re interviewing her first? You’re obviously going to interview me first.”

It’s contradictory to what she’s said before, but because of it, there’s a smile growing on your face. She notices and jabs her index finger toward you. “You can wipe that smile off your face, rookie.”

“So be it. I will see you afterwards.” You agree to interview her, doing your best to fight the smile off.

Sasha huffs and leaves the room for now. Your eyes follow her, and once she’s gone, you shrug to yourself. Wow.

Well, that’s one way to get an interviewee.

Almost seconds after her departure, your phone vibrates and you see it’s a notification from Twitter. After that, the tweets start to flow in.

What now?

@SashaBanksWWE ✓

I ALWAYS come first. Don’t forget that, rookie. @Officially[Name].

4.1K reposts 250 quotes 45K likes

@No1DivazStan: Wait…?

↳ @Sashabanksfan109: Literally like who is that??? What is she talking about?

Oh boy. Now people actually are getting the idea. She even went as far as tagging you. You’re already starting to have people follow you.

Including Sasha, which was a plus!

You’re confident about things for a moment until the thought of having to talk to her live circles back. Shit, you might start to freak out a little.

You hope Sasha wouldn’t be too harsh on you, even if it were wishful thinking. Sasha’s gonna come in hot, especially if she loses. You have no choice but to adjust.

A few more moments of silence pass, and suddenly the floor is calling you again.

You immediately lay back down. How long until the show? You take your phone out of your pocket and check the time. 6:45. The show starts at around 7. Maybe 8 if there are any delays.

Would it be wrong if you took a quick nap? It’ll only be 15 minutes, but it might just be enough to keep you going for the rest of the night.

You’re already closing your eyes. You know you’re going to be unable to hit any major stages of sleep, but even just laying like this is nice.

Until the door opens. You’re shooting up from your spot, almost falling over in the process.

“I WASN’T SLEEPING.” You clarify, doing your best to stand up. The woman, who’s not Sasha this time, looks at you in confusion.

She points a finger at you. “Ya’ sure about that? From the looks of it, it seemed like you were knocked out for a second.” Her accent is the first thing that catches your attention as she starts to motion towards you.

“No, no, not at all.” You try to defend. “Can’t a woman stretch on the floor in peace?”

“Seriously, you call that stretching?” Before she can make any more sarcastic comments toward you, she turns to look at you. “I’ve never seen you around before. Got a name?”

She is trying her best to identify you to no avail. You hop up to your feet, then hold your hand out to her. “[Name]. I’m just an interviewer right now, yeah. I’m new. Who are you?”

“Becky. Becky Lynch.” She introduces, taking your hand to shake it firmly. You swear you’ve seen her before, too. Probably on Twitter. Guess Becky isn't the only one with deja vu.

You pray you wouldn’t forget her or Sasha’s name for that matter. You can’t fight the urge to yawn.

“Someone’s tired. You should go get some water before you pass out. Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

This is a nice change of pace from Sasha. Despite you trying to kill her with kindness, she’s just all kinds of intimidating, while this woman is…okay.

Water may do the trick. It might just be cold enough to wake you up. “Good idea. Anywhere I can get some?”

“Should be a cooler down the hall to your right.” She informs. “See, I’d offer to get it for you, but I’ve got a match to get ready for.”

“Well, thanks anyway.” But before you leave, Before you leave, you turn over to her. “This may be an assumption, but are you going against Sasha Banks?” You ask. You could be wrong, but it’s worth a shot to see.

She nods at you. “Smart girl. How’d you know?”

“I talked to her a bit earlier. She wouldn’t exactly tell me she was going in a match, but I guess it was safe to assume it was you.” You say. “If you’d like to be interviewed, I’ll be waiting backstage.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Becky says. She’s more concerned about you getting your water. “Go, I might be here when you get back. Don’t pass out.”

You make a noise to let her know you heard her. Did you make a new friend? You think so.

You’re still a bit disoriented from the lack of sleep. You only made it a few steps down the hall before forgetting the direction she told you to go. Great.

This hallway seemed horribly long. The more you walked, the more you felt like it extended somehow. You need a nap, but you don’t think you’re going to get it until retiring back to your hotel room.

A group of men dressed in what seems to be tactical clothes are sitting around nearby, and you find yourself approaching them in a sudden spur of confidence. It’s probably because you’re tired.

“Excuse me,” you call. All three of them look at you with curious looks, and you feel like you could just up and die right there.

Doesn’t exactly help that they’re all kind of attractive, either.

“Where can I get some water? It feels like I’m dying here.” You ask, using your hand to rub the side of your face.

To them, you looked like you had just completed a damn marathon run. One of them with short brown hair whispers something to another with half-blonde, half-black hair, and you look between them curiously.

You don’t have time for whispers. You want water. It makes you think about purposely passing out in front of them. Rude and manipulative, sure, but you’re not here to gossip!

The other one speaks up to you instead. He’s also got long hair, but you think the most noticeable thing was his sleeve tattoo. You may have been staring too long because he snapped his fingers to get your attention.

At least he wasn’t glaring at you. There was a handsome smile on his face. “You there? Don’t tell me we’ve lost you already. You just got here.”

“Sorry. I’m really tired.” You admit. “Really, REALLY tired. Water would be nice.”

“To your left,” He says. “Should be one over there.”

The exasperation in your voice is ever present when you say: “Thank you!”. You’re dying here. You’ll have to come back and thank your only savior after replenishing yourself. Turning away, you head in the direction he told you.

You don’t hear the snickering behind you as you leave. Too busy thinking about hydration at this point.

Going further down, you see that there still is no water cooler. You’re only met with a dead end, and though there are doors, the signs only tell you that they’re just control rooms.

You’re confused. Why would he send you that way? You turn around and head back the way you came as it must’ve been an honest mistake.

You see them still sitting there with smiles. “Hey, excuse me,” you call, waving your hand. “There’s no water over there. Are you sure it’s that way?”

“We know.” The man who gave you instruction earlier had said. “We just wanted to mess with you a bit. Go that way.” First day on the job and people are already trying to rib you? Goddamn it.

On the bright side, it seemed to be lighthearted. Or so you hope.

This time, you hope, he points the correct way. The only thing you can do is let out a sigh and move forward. You don’t even stay to listen to anything else he says.

"Don't take it to heart!" One of them yells behind you.

You scoff to yourself. This time, they redeemed themselves because you found that lovely water cooler. You immediately pick up the pace and reach out to snatch a cup.

Finally, cold water. You're sure you'll wake up this time. You're almost half tempted to pour some on your face, but you aren't THAT unhinged. Besides, you don’t want to waste it.

The moment you lift your cup and and take a refreshing sip, someone saying “hey” makes you look over, and you nearly spit your drink out.

The guy that had given you the wrong direction had come around. You cough up bits of water, holding a hand on your chest. “Why?! God, you scared the hell out of me!”

“Sorry.” He apologizes. You’re not so sure if it’s sincere. “Stephanie McMahon told me about you. You’re [Name], right?”

It takes you a second to reply and he looks at you expectantly. You hold your hand up. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, that’s me.” You nod.

“Roman,” He introduced himself back, setting his hands on the vest of his tactical gear. “I know it’s your first day and all, but do you know who’s in charge?”

“….Vince McMahon?” You offer with a shrug.

Roman chuckles, shaking his head. “You were close. But that’s not it. The Authority is the one in charge.” He clarifies to you. “And you’d best be on their side. Tell me, new girl. Do you plan to be on the side of justice?”

Truth be told, you’re a little intimidated. Again.

You wonder if you even had a choice right now. Before you answer him you decide to take a sip of water, this time, without coughing up a lung.

“Justice, what do you mean by that?”

“The Authority is seeking to make sure that everyone keeps in line.” He explains. “We’ve already got a hold on the men’s division, but the women’s division….”

He trails off, looking toward you expectantly.

“I’m just an interviewer.” You hold your hands up in defense. “I don’t know anything about wrestling. Like anything.”

A lie, but you don’t exactly want to get involved.

You thought it felt weird to call yourself an interviewer, but now you’re going to hold onto that title until it’s convenient enough for you….

“Don’t give me that crap. I know exactly what you are.” So much for that. Roman gets closer to you and you move back just a little. It doesn’t do much, because he’s still in your space.

You’re starting to feel cornered.

“And what I don’t appreciate is people lying to me. Listen, [Name]. Pretty girls like you are always smart. If you knew what’s good for you, you’d better—“

“Hey guys!” A new voice makes you look over Roman. “Roman…and….who’s this?” He points a finger over to you.

“[Name].” You say. This guy might be your potential savior.

He doesn’t really pester any further than that, oddly enough. “Cool. You guys wanna take a selfie?” Before you two could even answer, he’s already approaching with a phone in hand.

“Wait,” You try to stop him. “I’m not ready—“

All Roman does was glare at the camera while you were holding out your hand toward it. He’s already took it and you were caught in the worst off guard moment.

“You guys better get ready for Raw. It starts in like five minutes.” The man recommends. “Thanks for the selfie.”

He saunters off and Roman shakes his head. After the stranger had made some distance, he finally speaks to you. “I can’t stand Theory’s dumbass.”

“Theory?” You repeat. “Who?”

“Austin Theory.” He clarifies. “Won’t stop taking those stupid selfies. It’s all the goddamn time.”

You slowly nod, but take advantage of the fact Austin had said there’s only five minutes until Raw starts. “Gosh. This was such a nice meeting, but I had better get going. You know, interviews and stuff to do.”

Roman says nothing, so you take the opportunity to side-step and walk past him. However, he doesn’t let you get far before saying…

“Better think about what I said. You don’t have much time.”

You’re hoping that wasn’t a threat. And now that you think about it?

He didn’t even apologize for leading you the wrong way!

You were just trying to get ready to be on television. You did everything you could to stand out for your debut, despite some people knowing that you’d show up sometime.

You can only imagine the pre-show talks around on social media. God, you hope you weren’t sweating. You think you’re just overreacting, but you feel like you’re gonna cry.

If you weren’t awake before, you sure are now.

Your phone starts buzzing again on the vanity you were seated at. The stylist who was helping you get things together had stepped away earlier, leaving you be with your thoughts.

Until now. The moment you pick up your phone and open Twitter, you groan.

Roman was right about the selfies being stupid.

Austin had posted it on Twitter. The only thing you’re really focused on is yourself. You look a disheveled mess and you’re happy you could fix yourself up a little bit right now.

You’re reeling as you read some of the responses. Although, some were funnier than others…

@Theory_1 ✓

Roman and some new girl are here today! I caught them in their natural habitat.

1.8K reposts 130 quotes 37K likes

@annsweet_: OMG FREE HER???? WHY DOES SHE LOOK SCARED LMAO

↳ @Lilgrab$78: Nah fr they holding her hostage in there

@Biilionnsmind: Are you serious? [Name] Theory AND Roman? This has gotta be the multiverse

↳ @YourChampion0: Not gonna lie they might be an item. Guess we’ll see if they have something going on or they just were filming something.

@bellstrings: Wait not too much on [Name]…face card is still ACTIVE and ready to TAP!

Along those lines of being mentioned, Austin had followed you as well. But seeing yourself being the talk of others is just surreal. You’re happy about it.

“Hey, [Name].” A stagehand calls. “You’re on in about 2 minutes. You’ll be interviewing Sasha Banks. It’s the only person you’ll be doing, so you’re free to go home after.”

Alright then. You hop up out of your seat. You looked good enough, so you didn’t exactly need that stylist to come back. Your time to shine.

You let the stagehand lead the way to where you’re supposed to be positioned. It’s a nice set up, you think. There’s a red curtain behind you as well as a television settled with “Raw” displayed on it.

“Sasha lost because of interference.” The stagehand informs you. “She’ll go on about the details. But just ask her some questions. She should be here any second now.”

You’ll try. The camera is already settled in front of you, waiting for the go ahead. As soon as he said that, Sasha comes storming into the room. He signals toward the both of you that he’s rolling.

“Wow, Sasha..!” You exclaim, shaking your head. “That was definitely……a match.”

Sasha looks at you with a scowl. “You think?! Becky only got lucky because AJ came out all peppy. I almost had her.” She complains. “I had Becky in the Bank Statement. She was about to tap…”

She literally has to stop talking and take a breath before she loses it. Everyone, even the crowd, can tell that she’s STEAMING.

“…Uh, do you think you’ll need help in the future for AJ? It looks like she’s posing a really big threat to you.” You say. “Cause’ if you’re asking me, it looks like you may need a future tag partner.”

You’re going steady, despite the fact your hand may or may not be shaking a bit. You’re just glad that this segment wasn’t out in the ring. You tilt the mic over to Sasha.

All you had to do was pretend like the camera wasn’t there and that you were having a simple conversation. Everything’s just fine.

You had hoped she would understand that you were insinuating that you could be of assistance, but she takes it the wrong way.

“What, you think I’m not good enough?” She challenges, stepping closer to you. “You think I can’t beat AJ on my own? She’s the one that needs help. That’s why she gets Tamina to do her dirty work. Let me remind you that I’m Sasha Banks. I was the NXT Women’s Champion. The Boss can handle herself in battle and she damn sure doesn’t need someone that’s gonna hold her back.”

“I get it, jeez. I was trying to help you, Sasha.” You explain. It might be a chance to get you active in the ring.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing your job and asking me questions? I don’t need your help.” She fires back.

Whatever. You just shrug it off. “Fine. You want questions, I’ll give you questions. You tagged me on Twitter. When you tagged me on Twitter, was that you trying to put me on notice?”

It’s easy for her to bounce off of what you said.

“You clearly act like you have no idea who I am. Maybe now you’ll get a clue. As a matter of fact, you better leave that fake little sweet innocent act at the door, cause I see right through you.”

“What act? I’m just being me.” It’s true. You really are!

“Right, and Becky must be the best wrestler on the planet…hah! That’s hilarious even thinking about it.” Sasha falls into a laugh, and you fight the urge to smile at her contagious laugh. Instead, you wipe it off in order to look confused.

She takes a breath. “You know what? You wanna help me, prove it to me. You and me, a match next Monday. I know that you’re not gonna do well, but I’ll have fun destroying you anyways, rookie.”

This was your chance!! You can’t fight the excitement, so you immediately agree. “Yes! I mean, yeah. Absolutely. It’s a match, Sasha. Shake on it?”

You offer your free hand to her. Despite her gritting her teeth, she takes it.

Sasha thinks you’re too excited, but she’d be lying if she wasn’t curious to see how you’d fare against her.

Your first match is against Sasha Banks. Thinking about it seemed so surreal. You’ve got a lot to prepare for next Monday.

Sasha’s eyes seem to catch onto something behind you and she groans, snatching her hand back. “Not her—“

“I wasn’t expecting you here, Sasha!” There’s a woman who’s slightly shorter than you that comes over with a championship tucked over her arm. This must’ve been the Divas championship, if the words on the butterfly weren’t evident enough.

“You know, not after you lost. Thought you would’ve went home by now!” She holds onto it even tighter once Sasha gave her a nasty look.

“You must be AJ Lee?” You try to divert some of the tension. “It’s nice to see the divas champion face to face.”

Sasha gags, but AJ giggles at your words. She rubs a hand over the butterfly, looking at you. “Oh pssssh, this? It’s nothing major…it just means I’m the best, but seriously, nothing major. Oh, and Sasha? Sorry Tamina made you lose focus…no hard feelings?”

Sasha rears her fist back and you immediately try to jump in the middle of them. Might’ve been a dumb decision, but it made Sasha immediately freeze once you did. You’re not even sure if AJ flinched.

You’re planted firmly in between them without any plans of moving anytime soon. “Woah, woah woah, can we hold off on the fighting PLEASE?! Why don’t you guys settle it in the ring, just like me and Sasha are?”

“You guys…” AJ looks between you two. “…are wrestling each other? Huh.”

You nod at her. “Yeah. I think you should follow suit. It’s obvious you two have problems.”

“Well, you’re right. It’s not like can’t beat you again, Sasha!” AJ chimes. “Anyway, I’m going to go polish my title! Don’t wait up for me, ladies!”

And just like that, AJ skips off. Sasha slowly turns to look at you and the only thing you can do is look back at her.

“I don’t care,” She starts, pointing a finger at you. “You’re helping in whatever happens, rookie.”

“What?! Why me??” You whine. “This isn’t my issue, the only thing I’m worried about is our match.“

As she’s said earlier, she doesn’t care. “You heard me. All you’ve gotta do is be ready. When I tell you to do something, you go.”

She leaves you with that. An exasperated sigh falls from your lips.

You’ve got more than just your match to worry about now..

#RAWTonight

@WWE ✓

A nearly explosive confrontation tonight on Raw between AJ Lee, [Name], and Sasha Banks. Watch below! 👇🔥

6.7K reposts 310 quotes 67k likes

@xXHibiscus: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING!???!!!

↳ @WomenofWWE: Yess! This is what we need, a strong three-way feud! The newbie, the underdog, and the champion. The storylines kind of have been getting boring. I wouldn’t mind Sasha & [Name] vs AJ, or maybe even AJ & [Name] vs Sasha.

↳ @RaeFed: [name] might’ve just saved us hold on

@RoseGambler: [Name] trying to be a peacemaker 😭

↳ @101Mariposa: SASHA WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO ROCK AJ PLEASE. SHE NEEDS TO MOVE

↳ @ThenNowForever: Why she hit the “Sasha, this isn’t you”??

@MarkPodcast: Never heard of [Name]..…is she new?

↳ @platinumstarred: yeah she was mainly on the indies, wasn’t bad at all like she was rlly good

↳ @MarkPodcast: Hopefully she’ll stay good while she’s here!

@Feistysummer: Sasha saying she doesn’t need help…then turns around and tells [Name] that she’s going to help LOL

↳ @Divas4L: They’re definitely going to be friends, if not best friends in the future..

[compusever]

Hi there! Bit of a weird question, and I’m not sure if this is the right blog for this, but… best laptop for privacy? I’m going to go to uni in a year and my parents have said that they’re going to buy me a laptop, which is awesome, except— I don’t know which one to chose? I’ve never had a laptop before but I try to take being private online as seriously as I can, and so I don’t really care… well, like, I do care that the laptop has good storage and works and stuff, but I care mostly about how private it is. Which one supports adding privacy-related stuff the best? Which one steals your data the least? I… am actually not sure what kind of questions I should be asking, since… again, never had a laptop before, and I don’t know what about its make makes it private (other than like general online privacy practices across all devices), so I was just wondering if you had any recommendations for me? Tldr: don’t care about fancy features, just want a laptop that more or less works, but would love privacy to be the main focus. This can sort of come at the expense of convenience - I don’t care it if’s harder to set up, use, etc., so long as I can connect to the internet with it.

So the hardware is pretty agnostic on this, the place where privacy is going to become an issue is in the software.

Windows loves to track you and send your data back to homebase; Apple is a walled garden that doesn't let people get deep into configurations; linux is intimidating for a lot of people.

Your actual best bet on privacy would be to get a laptop with no OS and install a linux distro on it, but it sounds like that's probably not something that's terribly approachable for you. So in that case I'd recommend getting a Windows laptop (mac prices aren't worth it) and going through this list to change the settings to ensure better privacy.

HOWEVER please note that you should be getting a laptop with a full OS. Windows has an option for "windows 11s" or "windows 10s" and first off you should be going with 11 at this point but second that "s" means that there are pretty strict limitations on what you can do as a user in terms of configuration and installation.

If you are willing to pay a bit more for Windows 11 Pro instead of windows 11 Home, the pro license cuts off some of the more annoying tracking that Windows does automatically, but I'd say you're better off simply getting the home license and really digging into the settings and getting to know it and setting it up for yourself.

BUT if it's at all possible, honestly I'd say get a bare metal laptop (that means it's just the hardware, no software, you need to install an operating system before you do anything) and install linux. HOWEVER keep in mind that there are some significant downsides to using linux as a student, mostly that you'll likely run into software at some point that you won't be able to install. Also if you're not already pretty good with computers it can be difficult to keep a linux machine running (but very easy to make it private; that's the tradeoff - you can make it more secure more easily, but you really have to know how to fix your own computer if something goes wrong.)

For your situation, again, I think a Windows 11 Home laptop with the settings adjusted is your best bet.

Absolutely positively don't get a chromebook (you've got no control of the settings on a chromebook and the thing is made to feed information to google) and don't get a mac (you can get better specs on a PC at a lower cost).

For an idea of budget on this, I'd say you can probably get something from Dell, Lenovo, or HP for around $650-1000 dollars that's got decent specs (12th gen or newer i5 processor, 16gb RAM, 512GB SSD) and maybe something more like $500-800 from acer, asus, or samsung. Whatever computer you end up getting, you should get the added drop protection warranty because that means the manufacturer will fix your laptop if you drop it, something that is a bigger deal for college students than most people (because of your environment you're more likely to end up with drop damage than a lot of people AND because you're a college student you probably won't be able to afford to fix or replace the computer)

Good luck!

[sparky-is-spiders]

tell me about the Jon Isolation AU!

This ask carried me through microeconomics homework, econometrics lab, microeconomics class, econometrics class, AND worries about Big Future Assignments! So thank you very much <3

This is a fun one cause I actually have the first draft of the first part written!! It's basically a version of one of my favorite personal Jon plotlines where he moves into the Archives and has no social support system. Desperately in need of a rewrite to sand away the rough edges tho lmao.

Alright I won't lie: this AU was born when I was thinking about creating an Archivist, and why it wouldn't work if you just stuck someone in a room, made them read a bunch of statements, and then dropped 14 marks on them (because that would be much easier, faster, and more efficient than what happened in the podcast, but that's not what Elias did). And then I (world's most normal Jon enjoyer) thought about Elias doing that to Jon. And then, I (and I cannot stress this enough: world's MOST NORMAL Jon enjoyer) started thinking about. The most reasonable. Effective. Low-effort. Jon kidnapping plot. And then I wrote about 5k words. And then I left those to languish in the WIP folder, just like Elias leaving Jon to languish in the basement Archives.

In hindsight, it's also a spiritual precursor to my vampire JE fics. Like. Same basic setup.

Huh.

(Believe it or not I'm actually even more of a freak about Jon NOW.)

Just to be clear, warning for:

Unhealthy relationships (I mean it's JE lmao)

Dubcon captivity?? I guess?? Like Jon agrees but Elias manipulates the scenario and Jon is. Not super happy about the situation.

Anyway the plotline is: Gertrude is missing (how mysterious and worrying!) and Elias needs himself a "temporary" Archivist to take care of the Archives until either she returns or until it becomes clear that he needs an official replacement. Jon is a very hardworking institute employee with a dedication to research and a knack for organization (autism requires everything be Sorted). Elias (who only wants to help Jon realize his full potential and has no ulterior motives whatsoever) decides that to promote him to the position. For career development reasons!

Jon:

Wants to prove that they are an asset to the institute and that they are up for the task.

Is hoping they can maybe be promoted to Head Archivist? Like Elias implied might happen if they did a good job?

Maybe. Possibly. Potentially. Fancies Elias a tiny bit.

Would appreciate the opportunity to do his own research on the statements there without their supervisor asking why they're so invested in statements involving Lietners and spiders.

Hypothetically wants Elias to praise them and validate them and respect them and profess his undying love for them make them employee of the month.

So. Obviously. They agree.

The thing is, it's only temporary, and Elias doesn't want to disrupt the other departments too much, you see, and surely Jon can handle a little tidying all by themselves? And obviously Jon can't say no to that! Haven't they always sort of wanted to not have to deal with annoying coworkers constantly chattering and bothering them and demanding their attention? Haven't they always wanted to work by themselves and be responsible for their own tasks? And Elias makes it sound like such an inconvenience to hire additional hands. Besides, Gerturde managed just fine without. Surely they can do this by themselves. Surely it will be fine.

It goes from there. The Archives are, obviously, a much bigger disaster than Elias had let on. But Elias expects Jon to handle it and handle it they shall. They just need to work harder. Come in early. Stay late. Miss lunch, sometimes. Work while they eat. It will be fine. What would Elias think if they asked for help? If they essentially admitted that they couldn't live up to his expectations? And other people would disrupt their ability to work. Might ask questions about any areas of interest they try to focus on.

They come in earlier and earlier. They stay later and later. Elias stops by occasionally to congratulate them on what a good job they're doing. To commend them on their dedication. So they have to keep it up. Can't slack off. They had friends before, sort of. Tim and Sasha were nice to talk to occasionally. But now Jon doesn't work near them, can't talk to them as much. Doesn't have time to get drinks with them after work, doesn't have the energy to answer their increasingly sporadic texts. Jon doesn't speak to much of anyone these days. It's fine though. It's fine it's fine it's fine.

There's something about the quiet stillness of the Archives. The echoing silence of the rest of the institute in those few moments Jon spends there in those long, lonely halls (not lifeless, per se, but lonely). There's some deep ache inside of them. It feels almost hollow, but it feels like home, too.

Elias is there, sometimes. To tell Jon how proud he is, how well they're doing. He likes to show up in the moments when Jon's thinking about leaving, maybe to eat in the cafeteria, maybe to stop by Sasha's desk... but that's probably paranoia. How would he know?

Every night, it feels so difficult to leave. Every night, Jon worries that Gertrude will come back and take the job from them, that Elias will find a replacement, that they'll lose their Archives. It's ridiculous, they know it, but it doesn't change the impulse to stay as long as possible. To prove to Elias that this is where they belong. It is an itch deep in their soul.

They think someone might be going through their desk. Something is watching them. It doesn't feel safe, leaving the Archives unattended over night.

(The Archives need an Archivist. The vacuum needs to be filled, and there is a perfect candidate right here, visiting them every day. Of course Jon is feeling the pull.)

And then it's been months, and Gertrude just hasn't been found, and Jon's done such a very good job, and it would be much easier if Jon would just... continue what they were doing? And if they think the work might be too much they can always ask for assistants, of course.

The itching in their soul soothes when they sign the contract. They try not to think about it.

Aaaaand that's about it as far as detailed plot goes. I do have some ideas for later on that are less well defined?

On the angstier side of things:

Things get easier when Jon is made Archivist officially. He feels more comfortable leaving at night, but he still spends a lot of time there. So many secrets, so little time.

He's paranoid. He knows something is up, that he might be in danger, that he's being watched... he can't involve anyone else. Not if he can't trust them, not if they might be in danger too.

Some of it is also the wearing effect of isolation. It's very easy to see other people as a threat or disturbance or unknown variable if you spend so much time alone.

He's looking into Gertrude's disappearance too. What did she know? What happened to her? Is he in danger too?

He can't trust Elias. He knows it. And it's so stupid that he's still maybe in love with him, just a bit.

Months pass. Relationships have surely withered and atrophied from Jon's absence. He still spends some time at his flat, but it's the Archives that feel like home.

And then, one night, the shadows in his flat come alive. Reaching ink-slick hands out to grasp him and pull him in.

It follows him. Shadows reaching with a dozen hungry hands as he races for the institute. Out of walls, street posts, parked cars. One catches on his side, and the flesh tears like paper.

It was midnight when he left. It was almost daybreak when he arrived at the Archives. He knows he's safe as soon as he crosses the threshold.

From there, I'm not sure what happens next. Tempted to say Elias was there waiting for him (I think the formatting maybe implies more continuity than there is there, how much Jon knows by the time he has to leave his flat behind is... debatable). Maybe Elias comes in to visit him and pretends to be shocked and worried about all the very unexpected blood. Maybe Jon has to phone him, begging for help because he can't go to the hospital (he knows it'll come back, the next time he's left alone in the dark), and really, who else does he have that will believe him?

Elias stays with him, tends to his injuries, spends his nights in the Archives with Jon. It's Jon who begs to stay in the Archives. Who needs the safety. The surety. Maybe Elias suggests that he stay there forever. Maybe he doesn't have to.

On the much goofier side of things: I do have an idea of them (once Jon is healed) going to Ikea to pick out some furniture. I'm thinking maybe Jon would know about the Eye, just for some fun bickering over picking out furniture or assembling a dresser or whatever. Idk, I just really like the idea of JE making the Archives into a cozy little home for Jon, somewhere he can comfortably live forever <3.

Jon has a lot of complicated feelings about the Archives and living in them and being the Archivist. Maybe he even tries to leave and go back to living a normal life. Maybe the reaching shadows break that idea for him forever. Either way, one way or another, he will learn that there is no point and there is no freedom in trying.

Despite this AU's beginnings, I don't know if Elias is working towards some big ritual. Maybe he just wants a perfect Archivist to keep in his basement forever.

And. I mean. Can you really blame him??

Not sure if JE ever become like. Official Romantic Partners. But Jon is Elias' Archivist and Elias is Jon's Watcher and that's kind of the same thing, really.

(Maybe they can have some sort of binding ritual ceremony at some point. As a Treat.)

Okay that's. God this has been a bit of a ramble, huh? Anyway I hoped you enjoyed hearing about this AU. I did get excited to take another crack at it while writing this! At the same time, however, I recently saw a post about Love that annoyed me a bit and which has made me think about the Subway Monster AU (and how those two concepts are connected is a WHOLE other story lmao) so we'll see which I end up doing (the answer might be neither for a while. I have. Big Graduation Responsibility due Oct. 1st). But yeah anyway thank you again for the ask! It was fun rambling, and actually really nice to sit down and Think about my AU lol.

[jpitha]

Dreams of Hyacinth 22

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Nick woke up a few hours later. Sleeping in a dusty chair wasn't the most restorative of sleep, but when it's all you have had in the last twenty four hours, you take what you can get. He sat up, rubbing his neck - it feels like he was on his way to pulling a muscle - and looked over to see Eastern gone.

"Tink, where's Eastern?"

"She's looking at the 'staterooms' Nick. She's looking for the 'nicest' one."

Or at least the one with the fewest books in it.

Hah, good luck with that. Just pick one and my support frames will move the books.

Where though?

I'll find somewhere. I'm six kilometers long, I'm not all books.

Yet.

It's the dream Nick. I can only attempt to reach it.

Nick realized they were all communicating cybernetically before he realized what was going on. "Tink, you can connect into our cybernetic network?"

"Nick, who do you think invented that stuff? All you have is a version of the systems and connections we have. Take it away and an AI is just a BI in a mechanical body. Your cybernetics use exactly the same communication protocols we do. You can chat with any AI in their mindspace or over your network. It's how most of us talk to each other. We'll use OTA communication around BIs to be polite."

"OTA?" Nick was walking down the hall towards Eastern's location. Tinker Toy may be huge, but her living space was sparse and cramped. Other than the Command Deck, there was three staterooms, a galley and a lounge. Raaden's penthouse apartment at the top of Hyacinth One was larger.

"Over The Air. You know, with your voice?" Tink sounded pleased with her joke.

Nick rolled his eyes. He got the feeling that Tink loved joked like that, given how she labeled the display during the fight. "Tink... are you going to get in trouble with anyone for what happend at Hyacinth?"

"Get in trouble with who, Nick? Hyacinth? That ship has sailed. Sol? Who in Sol? You have to remember that over the past few thousand years, nearly everyone in Sol has been at war with everyone else. No love lost there. Hell, our little scrap might get us moved to the head of the line if we wanted to dock at Ganymede One, or one of the Free Cities on Titan. No stress Nick, nobody cares."

"If you say so..." Nick wasn't too sure though. As someone for who crime was defined as stealing trinkets, something as big as getting into a firefight with a whole orbital felt like it should be a bigger deal than Tink was treating it.

Nick found Eastern in the largest of the three staterooms, working with two support frames to move books out of it.

An AI can run all of the operations of themselves when they're a ship, but the fact remains that ships were originally designed for people - BIs - to be aboard. Systems can also be controlled by panels and consoles and stations and sometimes things need to be done on human scale. Most ships and all Starjumpers therefore have support frames. They're humanoid robots that can operate semi-independently or under the direct control of the AI. They help the AI out with tasks that they need arms and legs for. Use of the support frames varies greatly among the ships. Newer ones were designed almost completely to be used without support frames, while older ships make extensive use of them. Tink is very old indeed, and has quite a few support frames running around her taking care of little tasks that she can't easily do - as well as letting her read when she has time.

Nick, Eastern and two support frames spent the next few hours clearing books, vacuuming, dusting and repairing the stateroom. Some of the lights were out and the furniture was all sealed to protect it from the ravages of time. After not too long though, they had a nice, clean - if dated - stateroom.

"Wow, I haven't felt this clean in centuries. I should keep you two around." Tink sounded genuinely impressed. "I had the frames start cleaning the Command Deck too, and I lit the displays. Come up and see."

Nick and Eastern walked back to the Command Deck, and it was completely different than what they ran into just yesterday. The displays were up and showing pertinent information, the two main chairs were up and clean and set up for sitting, rather than high gee maneuvers. There was even extra seats that were apparently folded into the walls that were out and clean. "Tink, it looks so... professional now." Eastern looked around approvingly. "You clean up real nice."

"Hah, thanks Eastern. Just because I'm old doesn't mean that I hold no value, right? Come on, have a seat. Let's figure out our next steps."

They sat in the command chairs and the chairs gently molded themselves around Nick and Eastern until it was as if they were made for them. Nick had to admit he had never been in a chair so comfortable. For a moment, both of them looked at the displays and at the room, marveling how far they had come in just a day.

Eastern looked around and the smile fell from her face. "Tink, how long has it been since you've had a crew?"

"A real, assigned to me crew? I haven't had a crew since I signed on with a polity as an independent contractor. Let's see, the last place I worked for like that was... The Republic of Saturn."

Nick blinked. The Republic of Saturn was a short lived polity that attempted to tie all the free cities in orbit around Saturn and their moons together. Nick had only heard of it because of a history cast he had listened to while bored on Hyacinth. Eastern had no idea what it even was. "I've never heard of the Republic of Saturn Tink, how long ago was that?"

"Oh Gosh, around eight hundred years ago at this point? Right around when the wormhole generators were developed. RoS paid for me to get upgraded when they first became available." Tink either saw or anticipated their looks. "I've had them overhauled since then. They're all relatively new generators, you'll be fine."

Nick let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "I only heard about RoS from a history cast I caught when I was bored. Didn't they last less than a century?"

Tink chuckled. "Yeah, maybe sixty years? They were full of heart, and really tried to make a go of things around Saturn, but everyone was just too far apart and too used to doing things independently. They just dissolved after it was clear that once the then current administrator died nobody was going to be able to win an election to replace her. Rather than devolve into petty in-fighting or worse, a war, she declared the RoS dissolved. She died not two years later too." Tink sighed audibly. "It was a good job though. Everyone was really trying to make it work. It was fun to be a part of something like that. They never missed a payday either, even when things started to fall apart."

"Is that why your staterooms are so nice? Did you carry dignitaries?"

"Oh, no. I mean, I did, but they didn't ride in my staterooms. When I had passenger duties with RoS they would slide in staterooms cubes into my cargo hold. You could slot in an entire hotel and make me a luxury liner in only a couple of hours. I think we did it once, I carried over four thousand people in opulent comfort. No, you're in Captain Nesmith's quarters. Jenny Nesmith was my last human captain. She was in the Republic of Saturn's Navy." There was a pause. "Ancestors, it was so long ago, but times like this is feels like it just happened. I look out at my clean stateroom and fully operational command deck and I expect to see them come in from the lounge or the mess, laughing and talking as they sat down and started work. It's been so long."

Eastern looked up at the ceiling. "Tink, are you lonely?"

Nick could have sworn he heard Tink take a breath, like she was trying to control her emotions. "You know Eastern, if you had asked me that question not two days ago I would have denied it until the Sun went out. But... having you and Nick here, and cleaning up my BI systems, lighting the Command Deck... yes. I was terribly lonely. So, thanks I guess. Thanks for hiring me, thanks for talking with me."

"It's no problem Tink, really" Nick smiled. "I'm glad we can help."

Another breath from Tink. "Okay. Next steps. After what you said about Empress Raaden and what's going on in Hyacinth and Sol you didn't just hire me to book it out of there. Unless you did, which is also fine. I'm happy to talk you anywhere you want."

Eastern looked at Nick. He nodded. "Tink, we're worried. Empress Raaden has already almost completely taken over Sol. She did it by buying it. She owns most of Sold now."

"Using her Voice to get people to give her stuff. I had wondered about that. I'm surprised that the previous Empress, Melody didn't do that too."

"Melody wasn't like that." Eastern was emphatic. "She was trying to help everyone."

"With sixteen or seventeen super dreadnoughts? Eastern, I saw the footage. They were larger than a Starjumper and could go atmospheric. She glassed three cities on Earth."

"I didn't say she helped everyone, she was trying to."

"I mean, killing everyone helps them escape being alive"

"Tink!" Eastern frowned.

"Okay okay, I get it. You liked Melody, and Raaden is more dangerous. And the last time there was an Empress with eyes on taking over, the AI faction came out of the colonies and free cities and attacked them. You want to reach out to the AIs?"

Nick nodded. "That was the thought we had yeah. But, we're two small time crooks from Hyacinth. We figured nobody was going to listen to us unless we got someone on our side."

Eastern continued. "That's why we sought you out. I searched the docking records for the oldest ship connected to Hyacinth. You fit the bill, so we hired you. We had hoped that if you believed us, you might know someone highly placed in the AI hierarchy and help us talk to them."

"I mean, it's a smart plan Eastern, really... " Tick sounded unsure. "But, I haven't talked to any of the other old AIs in decades. Centuries in some cases." Tink sighed. "So you know we don't have like... a country right? No real hierarchy. Every AI is supposed to be as important as any other."

"Sunny and Jameson and Yon and the other AIs we met on Hyacinth would disagree. Yon mentioned there is over one hundred million AIs in known space. Is that true?" Eastern was talking while she was playing with one of the screens on the Command Deck, cycling though the settings.

"I don't know our exact count, Ancestors I don't even know if we've done a proper census. That number sounds high, we probably should do a census - I'm getting off track, sorry. AIs don't have a country, we don't have a ruler, we're all supposed to be equal. It's not true of course, it never was, but that's how we present to everyone else. It's like... If you have a ship you're higher than those who just have a body. If you're old enough that you've had both, you're ever higher up. If you've been around long enough that you've swapped multiple times then you're probably one of the people we want to talk to."

"So who is in charge?"

"That's where it gets tricky. There's probably like ten AIs I could name that someone, somewhere said were 'in charge.' But, if they don't care, or don't want to get involved, it doesn't matter who we talk to."

"Tink, are you stalling? You're giving us all this history about AIs but not telling us who we should talk to."

"Eastern, I'm trying to explain that I don't know who to talk to. I have been out of AI politics for centuries. After Saturn, I didn't want to do anything. I took up cargo because I didn't want to get a body and I didn't want to deal with people anymore." Tink paused again. The room was silent save for the humming of fans cooling the displays. "Nick, Eastern. You were right in trying to find an old AI to be able to have the pull to talk to someone in the AI faction, but you picked me. I'm so old, and so out of the loop that I wonder if anyone will even recognize me."

"Oh Tink." Eastern's expression softens. "I'm sure it's not all that bad. There has to be someone you can call, someone we can talk to. Even if they're not in charge, they might know someone. It's not like we're on a time limit. If it takes a little running around, we're okay with that."

"And look Tink." Nick puts down his pad. "You've done a lot for us. You got us off Hyacinth, you kept us safe. You don't owe us anything. You can drop us off on Parvati and go on, safe in the knowledge we're not mad or anything at you. If you don't want to get involved, drop us off and we'll continue on. It'll be fine."

Eastern nodded. "It really will Tink."

There was another pause. "Ancestors. Are you sure you two are criminals? You're way too nice." She chuckled. "After all that, I can't just leave you two on Parvati, as nice as it is. I'm just... trying to manage expectations. It's not like I can link a beacon to the secret AI headquarters and get a fleet in an hour. We'll figure it out, and I'll get you to someone that can help. It's not like I have anything better to do, and it turns out I like having a crew."

"We're your crew now, not just passengers?" Nick smiled.

"You've been cleaning and moving furniture and you set up a stateroom. They're for crew. You're crew."

"Thanks Tink." Eastern grinned and looked down at the readout. She finally stopped adjusting it and was scanning the area. "Okay. So who should we try and reach first then? Give us the first name you can think of Tink, don't overthink it."

The answer came instantly. "Chloe."

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Who is that?"

"She's an old AI, like me. Used to be a Starjumper back before we had the wormhole generators. She had a nationalistic streak, always thought we should have our own country. If anyone would know who to talk to about a combined AI force, she would."

"When's the last time you spoke with Chloe?"

"Centuries, probably. I know she thought I was silly when I signed on with Saturn." She affected a voice that must have been her impression of Chloe. "Tink my friend, you are throwing your lot in with the wrong folks. You need to direct your energies towards our own nation." She giggled. "Chloe was nice, but always a bit... full of herself. I'll be interested to see if she's mellowed at all."

"Sounds like we have a plan then. Do you know how to reach her?"

"Hmm. It's been a while Nick, but I still have her contact coordinates. Let me link an beacon and see if I get a reply."

Across the vast distances of space, communication is difficult. It's not like someone can call someone else up on any kind of real time communication device. After the wormhole generators were developed, communication times got shorter, but the issue of reaching a specific person remained. What developed out of that was the idea of contact coordinates. Somewhere out in the blackness of interstellar space is an automated relay buoy. If someone wants to reach you, they link a comms beacon to that location, it receives the message, and then the buoy links a beacon to you. It's your responsibility to make sure the buoy knows your current location, but this way, you can be galivanting across space and not have to tell everyone everywhere where you are if they need to reach you. They just need to know your buoy's coordinates. It's not like one would need to change the buoy's location either, so if you gave out your buoy coordinates decades or centuries ago, chances are good people could reach out to you still. Tink knew Chloe's address, so she linked her a comms beacon asking for a meet.

"What now?"

"We'll just hang out here a few days Nick, see if we get a reply. I'd say if we don't hear from Chloe in a week, we won't. We can figure out what to do next after that."

"Oh. Okay."

"What's wrong Nick?"

"Oh, it's a good idea Tink, really. I just..."

"What is it?"

"I was hoping we didn't have to eat twenty year old ration bars for a week."

"Ancestors. I forgot you need to eat. Shit. Okay, hold on, maybe we can signal for a resupply from Parvati. We're in system, shouldn't be that big of a deal. Uh I'm a little low on funds though... any chance you can cover it? You are the ones eating after all."

Eastern laughed. "Sure thing Tink. We got it. Need anything else while we're calling in for a resupply? Don't worry about the cost, we stole a pile of money from the Empress."

Tink laughs. "In that case, yes. I need a few thousand rounds of slugs for the throwers, a rack of missiles - I'll tell you the specs if they're willing to place the order - new mass for the printers, and some spare parts that are difficult to print. My Stardrive hasn't run at 100% in centuries. If I'm going to be out and about again, I should get it fixed."

"Sounds like it's almost a refit."

"Nothing so large Eastern, just... getting me back up to full readiness. I think I'm ready to rejoin society again."

"Happy to help then. Let's call Parvati and place that order."

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[draculasstrawhat]

I feel like, if you’re new to a space and want to set yourself up as someone who pushes for diversity, (and actually want to make meaningful change, rather than just be an annoyance) you’ve got to do three things:

Meaningfully engage with that space’s previous moves towards diversity, and its internal diversity.

Be positive and proactive, rather than pass-ag or confrontational.

Be really specific about what you’re asking for, and what you feel is lacking.

This is more of a vent because I’m currently dealing with a… somewhat difficult… person on a project I’m involved with, but having been the ~*diversity hire*~ I do have a bit of experience here.

Point 1) means actually looking at what that space has done previously, and who else is involved in it.

So, if you’re the first openly queer person involved in this project at the organisational level, maybe check to see if the rest of the team are from other marginalised groups who also lack representation. There might be other struggles here of which you’re not aware.

And, depending on what the project in question is, see how they’ve engaged with people of your marginalisation in the past, and make sure you involve yourself in any ongoing efforts in that area - even if they’re not exactly what you want.

Acting as though you’re the first person who has ever tried to push for diversity of this (or any) kind is just going to put people’s backs up - especially if they HAVE historically done work in this area. You’re going to look like an idiot if you start campaigning for your local event space to host a drag night, if they’ve been running one for six months.

And if your local event space is hosting a drag night, when you want them to host a queer youth club? (Or vice versa) you will sound much more convincing when you argue for the one if you’ve actively supported the other.

If you can’t bring yourself to get involved, certainly don’t be hostile and critical about how, ACTUALLY, you want queerness that isn’t just ENTERTAINMENT, or whatever. Recognise the effort being made and use it as the basis to push for what you want.

2) This is about participating, taking ownership, and not being a pain in the arse. Most people are broadly well intentioned, but they will all have their own pet causes, and full todo lists of their own. This is about being on their side, and getting them on yours.

Eg. Putting together a collection of essays? Saying, “I feel it would be really important to get a disabled perspective on this. Do we have any names who might be willing to contribute?” gets a lot more mileage than, “Er, could we maybe get some disabled writers in this?”

If possible, offering a solution enclosed in that criticism really helps, too. Eg, “I feel like [specific named person] would give a have some really interesting thoughts on how this intersects with disability. Could we see if they’d be willing to do something?”

(Yes, the latter is a bigger ask in terms of effort and research, but if you can do it, it’s great.)

3) Is really simple. Vague statements of “diversity” on the submission form on your website help no one. If you want to encourage Black applicants, then you need to say that, as well as pushing for it in more practical ways.

Similarly, at an organisational level, don’t say, “Can we make this programming more diverse?” if what you mean is that they haven’t booked any trans women. Say, “I notice that all the trans acts we’ve booked are trans masc - are there any trans femme performers we could invite?”

Just… help yourself, y’know. If you actually want to have a positive effect, the more helpful you are and the fewer backs you put up, the better.

[noxsoulmate]

In Memory...

On this date in 1912, Titanic was lost to the Atlantic Ocean after hitting an iceberg during her maiden voyage. Of the ship’s 2208 souls, only 700+ were saved and brought onto Carpathia alive – you can read more about those heroes here.

To recognize this 111th anniversary, I thought I would give you a little snippet from the search portion of my Tarlos Titanic AU. If you know the movie, you may recognize this scene. But either way, please be warned that this snippet deals with death and grief! I promise that tomorrow’s Seven Sentence Sunday will make you laugh again but for now, please let us remember the souls that were lost in the tragedy of that night.

The eerie silence was oppressive and Judd almost wished for the screams again. At least they had been a sign of life. Now, the darkness lay like a cloak over them, not a sound to be heard but the quiet slosh of water as their boat cut its way through the ocean.

“We waited too long,” he heard Paul murmur, and he had no choice but to agree.

And still, he couldn’t lose hope. Not yet.

“We will find them,” he said with as much conviction as he could, his voice hardly piercing the pitch-black darkness. “And we will save as many as we can while we search for them.”

He had no sooner made this promise to the others, as well as to God when saw the first people floating in the water, their bodies already covered in a thin sheen of ice.

“Lord, have mercy,” Cooper whispered, catching his gaze before they both leaned over the boat and began to gently push aside the bodies so they wouldn’t further disturb their last rest.

Judd had seen many cruel things in his life – but nothing, nothing compared to the tragedy around him. In an uncharacteristic bout of selfishness, he was glad that there wasn’t any bigger source of light than the simple oil lamp hanging at the front of their lifeboat. He honestly didn’t know if he would be able to stomach the full picture he would see.

The silence was still pressing down on them, closing his lungs, taking his breath as he could feel tears threaten to well up in his eyes.

But no!

No, there was no time for that!

He could mourn the dead when this was all over – until then, until the last possible moment, he would give his everything to save as many souls as he could, just as he had promised.

“Is there anyone alive out there?” he screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice finally piercing through the darkness.

There was no reply.

“Can anyone hear me?”

Judd wanted to scream forever, wanted to pick every single person up himself and revive them. But even he reached a level where those most dearest to his heart came first. So finally, he called out for them.

“Carlos! TK! Answer me!”

He was only greeted by more silence and the ever-present darkness as they carefully made their way through the sea of lost lives.

((I usually don't spoil but in this case, I will: this fic has a happy ending!!!))

Many, many thanks to @shadesofdeviant for being the well of knowledge on all things Titanic, to @lightningboltreader for beta-reading, and my whole Titanic discord server for the ongoing support 😘

Noxy's tagging list (please let me know if you wish to be added or taken off): @detective-giggles, @sgirl18, @rmd-writes, @welcometololaland, @paperstorm, @actuallysara, @just-inside-her, @alidravana, @wtfuckevenknows, @morganaspendragonss, @meditating-honey-badger, @heartstringsduet, @bonheur-cafe, @chaotictarlos

[dumb-doll-lips]

My wife's not interested in being shared, any advice on how to make it more appealing for her?

Idk but I ’ll try. Gonna make the assumption she seems to like sex bc otherwise you have other stuff to deal w first. But like from my perspective, I can think of a few reasons that make it seem unappealing that act like bigger blockers than like finding pros (at least I struggled w this more at first). Like having spent most/all your life being brought thinking monogamy is the only way, and like worrying your partner would like not want you want more. And those are things you can kinda help w. Like find some positive things examples of something similar yo what you’re after, like something in media or something and talk positively about it. And like whenever anything comes up, don’t be pushy but be really into it, like let her know you’d still love her and all thay good stuff. I know personally, I really struggled with feeling like it was a real option to like be in a relationship and get to play w others. It seemed like the stuff of fantasies and not real life, so the finding real examples helped a lot.

As far as stuff thay makes it seem actually appealing. The variety and getting to experience new people is so much fun. It definitely doesn’t get boring. It can be a way to get different needs or wants met thay maube aren’t somethinf you both share. So like if she ever expressed a kink that’s not your vibe or something. And like I really love the encouragement and getting to be excited about it all w someone. Things being open on both ends could be a pro if the balance feels nice, and I like getting to be excited about what he’s up to too. But some women mihjt feel better if you plan to stay loyal, might add a sense of security. Also like depending on her tastes it could be like a threesome sounds like a better start w keeping you so involved or maybe it’ll seem better if she goes off and does her own thing at first. Be flexible and encourage whatever she might express an interest in. Make it like about her and what she wants and her pleasure and you’re there supporting it.

… didn’t think I’d have that many thoughts on it. I know for me, it wasn’t hard, I was like already swearing off being totally monogamous cause I was seeing how much I isolated myself in relationships and it wasn’t good for me… and how I have a bit of a history w cheating so getting permission and encouragement to be a slut was amazingg

[marshmallowprotection]

uh, may i ask how seven would deal with someone suffering from excessive daydreaming (lol like me...?) like... i spend hours imagining scenarios in my head, without eating and drinking, sometimes i also have trouble sleeping because i prefer to stay imagining. [the worst is that when someone interrupts me I get very stressed :(]

anyways!

i love you so much lol i always visit your profile, you really are someone kind and nice

Saeyoung knows what it feels like to get carried away. If you've been living in a world that treats you poorly, then you're going to get carried away creating one that keeps you safe and happy. Sometimes it feels a lot more enjoyable to be in a world where you know that you can be happy and nothing can ever go wrong. If you control everything, then nothing can ever go wrong. You don't need to be afraid.

You can just be happy and think about the different ways that the world could play out from there.

If you are the maker of your own Universe, then you can have anything that you want. It's hard to turn back to reality when you can become a God like that. That is what happens when you deal with maladaptive daydreaming. Daydreams can feel a lot more tantalizing than reality. It's hard to stop doing this once you start. For most people, they've been doing it since they were very young and it's not easy to turn off a switch you've always had on.

It's something he would understand very well.

The early years of his childhood were spent trying to take care of his younger brother. He didn't have time to fantasize or think about anything enjoyable. His mind would get carried away if he saw something exciting, but it wasn't as if he had time to lose himself in a daydream. He was constantly on guard. He had to be aware of anything and everything that was happening. If he took his mind off of something for even a second, then he knew that somebody was going to get hurt. 

So, he understands what it's like to have a Daydream. He knows what it feels like to fantasize for a brief moment about something that makes you happy. His Daydreams never last longer than a couple of minutes. In that regard, he can understand what it's like to be in a world that's happy and safe, but on the other hand, he doesn't know what it feels like to be trapped in a fantasy that lasts for hours. He doesn't know what that would feel like. At first, he might think that it’s nice... nice, of course.

You have the power to live and create in these dreams that you have. At first, it sounds really interesting and nice to think that you have a place where you're safe and you can be whoever you want to be. But, it doesn't take very long for him to realize how distressing and overwhelming it can be for somebody who is trapped in this cycle of daydreaming. When it gets to the point where you forget to take care of yourself by eating or drinking, that's when he notices that this is a bigger problem than he thought it was.

The frustrated tears that appear in your eyes when you want to be involved and engaged with the world but you just can't bring yourself to do it.

You're happy with your daydreams and upset with them. It's when you're unable to take care of the things that you need to do that he realizes you need support with this. You need help. It's not that you can't take care of yourself or do what you need to do, he realizes that you just need somebody by your side that can remind you that it's okay.

He knows this is something that you struggle with. He doesn't want to shame you or make you feel like you have a problem. He wants you to feel supported. This is something that you have done to keep yourself safe and happy. He can't tell you not to do something that makes you happy. But he can say something when it comes to wanting to make sure that you're happy and healthy by his side.

What can he do to make it easier on you? Are there things that he can do to make sure that you step back into reality when you need to? Are there things he can do to make it easier on you when you come in and out of the daydream?

Can he do anything to help you settle with reality? Can he come and check on you when you're alone? Can he tell you that you need to eat or do something because you told him to remind you? What are the changes that he can make to help you live more in reality and feel less like you don't have control? He will do whatever it takes for you to feel good.

Sometimes, all he can think to do is hold you while you cry, mulling over all the things that make you feel happy to be alive with him.

[yourfaves-a-pokemaster]

Hiiiiiii!! Could you make Pokemon Teams for Rorschach and/OR Daniel/Nite Owl from Watchmen? I feel like they’d have some cool teams!!!

Well leave it to one of my favorite people to get this back up and running. This was surprisingly hard, but I had a good time. I decided to do Rorschach for now, but if the interest is still there I might do Daniel/Nite Owl later ^.^

For now let's take a look at Team Rorschach!

Team Rorschach

1. Charmeleon

I think charmander was his first pokemon. Being the son of a prostitute, poor dude was picked on a lot, I imagine his charmander would literally light fires under his bullies asses. Honestly the thought is extremely hilarious. So why a charmeleon and not a charizard? Charizard is too big...too loud...too noticeable. No one is usually suspicious of mid range or basic pokemon. Charmeleon is very protective and proactive whenever he's on a mission.

2. Ditto

Hear me out: he would totally have a ditto on cases where he would need extreme discretion or on the rare occasion where he was needed in two places at once. That's right: Rorschach's ditto can look like him...so...make of that what you will...

3. Poochyena

In cases where tracking or extreme aggression are called for, Rorschach more than happily utilizes this little dude. Small and convenient, he's also good at getting into tight spaces and looking at things he normally wouldn't think to. Plus his night vision is an added plus. I headcanon that poochyenas jaws lock, and it's bite force is similar to that of a rottweiler: the bigger the skull the harder the bite. And this poochyena...has a biiiig head...just saying.

4. Noctowl

Do I really need to explain this one? He and nite Owl were partners for a long time. I think Daniel caught a hoothoot and gave it to him as a Christmas gift or something. This is the only fully evolved pokemon on Rorschach's team...it's very important to him. Anyway, it also does aerial surveillance and isn't afraid to put enemies to sleep or even knock them out entirely. Don't mess with this noctowl. It will fuck you up. Hands down no question. And if you mess with the noctowl, well, he'll break your fingers...and then some.

5. Marill

Yep, rorschachs got a fairy type, in case he ever has to deal with pesky dragons. Why marill? Because he likes how cute it is,though he'd lie and say he just likes blue (not a lie but a certainly a better reason). Marill is very caring and nurturing, it's very much the emotional and mental support pokemon.

6. Noibat

Okay fine, this one was a biiiit of a biased choice, but I think he'd like this little guy. Noibat is really good at picking up sounds and on cases where quiet is needed, noibat makes a good look out. Rorschach also taught it how to pick open locks. Yep, his noibat could rob you and you'd never know. In fact that's most likely how they met.

So what happened to Rorschach's team after his passing? Well, Daniel and Laurie took it upon themselves to take care of them. Abiding by his wishes, they never allowed them to evolve, the ones that could anyway.

However, oddly enough...his ditto was missing...hm...

Hope you guys enjoyed ^^ I don't know if I'm gonna make regular updates to this blog but this was fun to do ^^ thanks @unfilteredaj for the request!

Feel free to ask for any other character/team and I'll see you in the next one!

[thiswasinevitableid]

15 sternclay?

Here you go!

15. As a career-oriented city-dweller who’s also a fan of Hallmark Christmas movies, Christmastime has me trying and failing not to worry that my new partner is going to leave me when they go home for the holidays

His eight years with the FBI lead to a lot of strange coping mechanisms. One of the few Joseph still indulges in is watching cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies from Thanksgiving until New Years. 

He never sits down to watch them these days. Instead, they form the background noise of his early winter, and he cleans his apartment or sends work emails while people with white smiles and no chemistry fall in love in a matter of days. He even makes up a mental bingo for himself, including things like “someone drinks hot chocolate,” “an ugly sweater is worn,” and, “behavior that makes me think of serial killers is treated as charming.”

This viewing habit is also the reason he’s trying not to panic when Melanie, his girlfriend of six months, tells him she’s going back to her hometown in two days and will be there until after Christmas to help get her great-aunts flower farm up and running again. 

“I thought about asking you to come, but I know how busy you are with work.”

“Most of mine can be done from a laptop, and I’d be happy to come help you out, even if it’s only for some of the time.”

She shakes her head, “Apparently Snowfall Springs is in the National Radio Quiet Zone; no phone signals, and all the internet is, um, ethernet.”

“Oh.” Joseph manages a smile, “well, in that case, I guess we romance each other the old fashioned way. On landlines.”

Melanie nods, but her nose is quirking the way it always does when she thinks he got too corny. He knows she’s into Joseph Stern, former special agent, suave and confident and battle-scarred. But Joseph Stern, aspiring writer and cryptozoology fanatic who cleans his kitchen to decompress does not seem to rate as highly. 

When she kisses him goodnight and heads to her car, she promises she’ll call him tomorrow once she reaches Snowfall Springs. Joseph tells himself it’ll be fine. Life isn’t a movie. People don’t undergo a series of holiday hi-jinks and then fall in love with some guy who wears flannel because the boyfriend they left at home is a prissy workaholic who doesn’t understand the true magic of Christmas. 

(She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t have a Christmas tree. After all, a friend of hers growing up had one even though she was Jewish, why can’t he?)

Melanie calls him the next afternoon to say the house by the farm is in disrepair and she’ll be staying at the neighboring mint farm for most of her stay, which happens to be the home of the guy who spilled his hot drink on her this morning. 

Joseph hangs up the phone, types out a message to work, and pulls his ergonomic suitcase out of the closet. 

Snowfall Springs is only an hour and a half away, but being tucked away in the mountains means a lot of curving roads that have to be carefully navigated. As the wipers whack the snow from the windshield, Joseph reassures himself that this is the right thing to do, not because he’s about to get dumped, but because his girlfriend has just learned this project is going to be even bigger and more stressful than anticipated and he should be there to support her. 

When his headlights hit the sign for Excitemint Farms, he turns up short, country road and pulls in front of a house decorated in enough Christmas lights to be seen from space. His knock summons an older woman in a nativity sweater.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m looking for Melanie? She said she was staying here when she called. Unless this is the wrong mint farm, in which case I’m sorry to bother you.”

“Joseph?” his girlfriend appears in the doorway, smiling, “ohmygod, what are you doing here?”

“I came to help out. From the sound of it your great-aunt’s place is in serious disrepair, and I thought if nothing else I could make sure you’ve got coffee while you sort it out or deal with any extra-obtuse paperwork for contractors.”

“Oh. That’s really sweet of you.” She leans out the door and pecks him on the cheek, which would be nice except he lost feeling in it two minutes ago. 

“C-could I come in? I only brought one bag” he turns his best special agent smile on the older woman, “and Melanie can confirm I’ll do any chore under the sun.”

His girlfriend shifts from foot to foot, “Um, there’s only one spare room and it’s not even a twin bed. I just don’t think you’d be comfy if we both squeezed in there. But there’s probably somewhere in town? Hank, where’s a good place to stay?”

“He could try Amnesty Lodge. It’s a little, uh, quirky, but lots of folks stay there.” Hank appears in the doorway. He’s a little shorter than Joseph, blonde with a face that screams all-american charm but is so standard issue that Joseph couldn’t pick him out of line-up. 

“Okay. I’ll try there. Thank you. Um, Melanie, give me a call at the Lodge when you know what the gameplan is for tomorrow?”

“Uh huh.” She laughs as a golden retriever nudges her, “Oh Donald, no more treats for you.”

Joseph gives them all a polite wave goodnight and spends his drive to Amnesty Lodge reassuring himself that just because Hank looks like every guy who used to pull their eyes into slanted shapes when he walked by in high school doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, let alone that Melanie will decide to leave Joseph for him. 

Amnesty Lodge is undecorated save for a string of rainbow lights around the front, double doors. A young woman with a black and orange up-do and a sweater reading “hex the patriarchy” checks him in, pausing halfway through to shoo a massive, white rabbit away from the computer cables.

“Here you go! It’s just down that hall. Springs are open 7 am to 9 pm–Dr. Harris Bonkers, don’t you dare jump up there–and the restaurant is open six to nine.”

The wooden clock above the fireplace informs him it’s 8:50.

“How mad would the staff be if I tried to get in there now?”

“Worth a try. Barclay is closing tonight and he’s a big softie.” She gives him a conspiratorial wink, “but you didn’t hear that from me.”

He thanks her and wheels his bag across the worn, diamond patterned carpet until he reaches the restaurant. It’s empty except for a man behind the counter, wiping down the flattops with half the lights off.

“Excuse me? I, is there any chance of getting something to go?”

The man glances over his shoulder, “I could pack you up a few things, but do me a favor and throw that bolt once you get in here.”

Joseph locks the door as instructed and moves to the counter, sitting down just as the man tosses a towel over his shoulder and turns to regard him. 

Okay, things could be worse. Melanie could be staying with this guy. This guy with his strong jaw and gorgeous, auburn beard, his full lips and arms like a fucking lumberjack, god how is he making a man-bun look good? And why is his shirt unbuttoned those two buttons, it should be illegal to tease someone with that glimpse of the broad expanse of chest and dark hair-

He snaps himself out of the intense reminder of his bisexuality to find the cook giving him the exact same once over. It’s not until they lock eyes that the bearded man looks over at the bakery case, coughing awkwardly. 

“Uh, so I got a few slices of cake left. I could throw some bread and stuff under the salamander if you want something toasty.”

“That would be amazing” He glances at the name tag, “Barclay.”

“You in town for the ski season?”

“No. My, um, my girlfriend has family here. Apparently. And she’s helping fix up their flower farm. I came down to help.”

Barclay sets slices of cheese on a thick bread with everything seasoning on the crust, “You want me to make two of these in case she’s hungry?”

“She’s not staying here. She’s staying with the neighbors.”

The cook pauses, plate in hand, “You want two anyway?”

“Please.”

He wolfs down an offered slice of flourless chocolate cake, pulls out his wallet as Barclay sets a to-go box on the counter. 

“Don’t worry about it man, it’s on the house.”

“You sure?”

“Yep” Barclay smiles, melting the last of the frost from Joseph’s chest, “One time only, you come back tomorrow and you gotta pay full price.”

Joseph lifts the box like it’s an antique vase, “If everything else is as good as that cake, it will be worth it.”

Seven hours later, Joseph takes the same seat at the counter and is surprised to find Barclay writing something on a chalkboard. 

“Do you work every hour this place is open?”

“Nah. I’m usually here early to bake what we need for the day and then I work the breakfast shift. I covered for Moira, the afternoon and evening cook, so she could go see visiting family yesterday. Here, this is the winter menu and, oh, lemme just-” He lifts the small chalkboard from the counter and hangs it near the cash register, “there, those are the specials.”

“Latkes? Really?”

Barclay chuckles, “Yeah, Hanukkah started two days ago, wanted to offer some specials for it.”

“No, I know it did, I’m sort of shocked anywhere in town acknowledges that” He winces, looks down at his menu, “I’m sorry, that was rude.”

“Aw, c’mon, didn’t the giant merry Christmas signs on all the public buildings clue you in to how multicultural this place is?”

Joseph offers an exasperated smile, “I’m glad I’m not the only one who notices that.”

“Latkes?”

“Please. Oh, and a side of eggs and some coffee, if you could.”

“Coming right up.”

They chat about the Lodge and the town as Barclay cooks, Joseph the only one in the place until a young, blonde woman appears in her apron just as a part of four comes in through the doors. 

“Swear Dani always knows just when it’s gonna get busy. Oh, lemme top you off. Need any more cream?”

Joseph bites back a flirtatious comment in favor of, “no, thank you.”

When his breakfast arrives, Joseph takes two bites and moans, “God, if I had more money I’d demand you come cook for me in the city the next time my family visits. This is amazing.”

“Glad you like it, but don’t hire me yet” Barclay scrapes hash across the flattop, “my latkes are great but my sufganiyot needs some work.”

Joseph wipes his lips with a napkin, “No one in my family can make them either. My mom would get them from the bakery on the Sunday and then we’d eat them watching The Thin Man. Or It Happened One Night, that was dad's favorite.”

“Fuck that sounds nice. Hash and eggs up!”

He stares down at his plate as Barclay and Dani trade orders and instructions back and forth. Melanie isn’t interested in watching old movies; she loves seeing new ones with him, but the older stuff isn’t her cup of tea. 

After breakfast he sends some emails from his laptop, then takes his paperback into the lobby to read by the fireplace until Melanie calls. 

He wakes up in a comfy chair at noon to Aubrey, the young woman from last night, gently poking his shoulder.

“Hey, so, your girlfriend called with a message. She says she has to help Hank decorate the mint farm for an important work event. Um, that means something to you right? Because it seemed weird to me.”

He runs a hand through his hair with a sigh, “Yes, it means I’ll have plenty of time to finish my book. Thank you, Aubrey, for telling me.”

An hour later his book is finished and he’s wondering if he should just go nap in bed all day when Barclay enters the lobby, yawning and pulling on his coat. 

“Hey Joseph, thought you’d be off fixing a house by now.”

He explains the situation, doing his best to hide the frustration and worry burbling in his stomach. Barclay rubs his beard thoughtfully and says, “You wanna give me a hand getting some decorations for the Lodge? You don’t, uh, you don’t have to, but it’d be nice to have some company.”

Five minutes later, he’s bundled in the passenger seat of a red, battered pick-up as Barclay steers them towards the center of town. 

“We mostly need the greenery, like branches and stuff. We’ve got all the lights we need in storage so we’re good there, and we promised Duck–uh, he’s a friend, works in the national forest–we wouldn’t just harvest our decorations from random trees near the Lodge.”

“And we’re getting a tree?” Joseph asks as they turn at the sign reading directing them towards the Christmas tree farm in red letters.

“Nah, we try to keep it more general. Like, being a place of light and warmth in the darkness of winter. This place sells branches and wreaths in bulk if you know who to ask and also bring them cookies” he taps the tupperware box on the seat between them. 

They park and walk across the snow-dusted gravel to a small cabin at the front of the farm, turning to the back of it while the other guests weave between the different pines. Even working as a team, it takes the two of them a half hour to move the crates of greenery to the truck. 

“Phew, that’s the last one.” Barclay shuts the tailgate, “You hungry? The lone Vietnamese place in town does a mean lunch special.”

“Let me treat you? After all, you did make me breakfast.” 

A puff of breath marks Barclay’s laugh. With a remarkably demur smile for a man his size he adds, “You’re pretty gratifying to cook for.” He reaches out, brushing stray pine needles from Joseph’s black, winter coat. Joseph is a nanosecond away from returning the favor when a familiar voice catches his ear.

“Melanie?” He waves to his girlfriend, who hurries over to him with Hank and three small children in tow. She loves kids, so he’s glad she’s getting to spend time with some (he knows she wants a big family, something he can’t give her quite as easily as a cis guy could).

“Hi sweetheart, thanks so much for understanding about today. They’ve had trouble selling the mint, I guess demand is really low? Anyway, Hank and I have to get a tree for the party, and there’s going to be a ton of clean-up tomorrow, but the next day do you wanna come with me to the hot cocoa tasting? It’s to support the volunteer fire department, Hanks a member so I thought it’d be great to support him.”

“I, um” Joseph tamps down on all the ways this is setting off his “she’s in act one of a rom-com and I’m the boring stick in the mud” alarm bells and nods, “yes, that sounds great. Good luck with the party tonight. And, um, just give me a call if you end up needing more help.”

“Melaniieeee, come on, someone has to hold uncle Hank’s other hand.” One of the blonde little girls waves her arms emphatically. His girlfriend departs with an apologetic smile. He blows her a kiss. She doesn’t seem to see it. 

“....Did she say the guy can’t find buyers for mint? Like, the plant that’s a major ingredient in all kinds of food and also medicine? That mint?”

“It seems so.”

“It’s either man-eating or it tastes like shit.” When Joseph just keeps watching the happy group walk away, Barclay sets a warm hand on his shoulder, “still wanna get lunch? I’m not a gorgeous blonde, but I’m still a pretty good date.”

Joseph turns, eyebrows raised, and Barclay grins, “There you are. I was worried you’d stay spaced out and I’d have to stick you in the bed with the plants to get you home.”

“Not a chance, big guy.” He nearly apologizes for the nickname, but Barclay just playfully shoulder checks him on his way to unlock the car door. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Joseph slept through his alarm, so technically he has no one to blame but himself. 

But come on, it isn’t that ridiculous to think a morning hot cocoa tasting event will have food that isn’t Christmas cookies. Or that it would have coffee. 

Instead he’s been sitting next to Melanie as she chats with other Snowfall residents like she’s known them for years. Betty, Hanks’ mother, is at their table, and seems to have taken a distinct dislike to Joseph. One he is really, really hoping isn’t related to the fact that he and Melanie are the only mixed-race couple in the building. 

He gamely drinks whatever cocoa Melanie suggests, and he has to admit the one Hank made tastes nice. But his pouring sugar into an empty stomach is making him feel like he’s ten years old and just ate all his Halloween candy in one go. 

Hank finally joins them and Joseph earnestly tries to get to know him. But he keeps getting boxed out when Melanie and Hank turn the conversation towards their favorite Christmas traditions. 

“Marshmallows!!!!” The three kids at the table shriek and sprint off to a figure that just came through the doors. Barclay manages to keep his balance as they clamor for the boxes in his arms, and gives them each a white, pillowy square before unboxing the rest onto the table. 

“I don’t know why he fusses with that. You can get two dozen bags at Walmart for ten dollars.” Betty mutters.

“He likes it. We were chatting yesterday and he admitted that he makes macarons when he’s stressed.”

“Which means?” Melanie looks at him, perplexed.

“He fears nothing.” Joseph says blithely. When he notices everyone at the table looking at him oddly, he stands, “I’m going to see if he needs any help.”

Barclay looks up as he more or less dives into the community center kitchen, “trying to get first dibs on the coffee ones?”

“No. Not that those don’t sound delicious but if I eat anything else sweet I’m going to be sick.”

“Kinda thought that might be the case.” Barclay reaches into one box, pulling out a McDonalds bag and two travel mugs of coffee, “it’s not fancy, but when Dani said she saw you literally running out of the lobby this morning I had a hunch you might need a pick me up.”

Joseph takes the offered mug, staring at the shiny blue exterior.

“Can I hug you?”

Barclay rumbles out a laugh and opens his arms, “C’mere.”

Joseph tentatively wraps his arms around him, tension that’s been there since 2014 melting out of his spine as Barclay hugs him back. 

“Is this all Egg McMuffin related?”

“No. I’ve felt lonely all morning and I’m…seeing you changed that.”

A soft, concerned hum is all the reply Barclay gives as he holds Joseph a little tighter before reluctantly letting go. 

After the cocoa tasting is through, Melanie asks Joseph to come with her while she does some Christmas shopping downtown. It’s perfectly pleasant, walking in the light snow with Christmas carols drifting from every store. But as they hold hands, all he can think of is how it would feel to do the same with Barclay. Judging by how much of Melanie’s conversation revolves around Hank, he’s guessing she wishes she was holding a different hand. 

As they’re turning back towards the community center, street lamps lighting their way, a voice calls out “fire” and they’re suddenly pelted in snowballs. 

“Hah!” Hank yells to Melanie from where he and his nieces and nephew are hidden behind a snowbank, “told you I’d get you back for last night!”

“Oh it’s on!” Melanie takes off after them, calling a goodbye to Joseph as she does. 

Snow slips past his collar and drips down his back all the way to his car. By the time he arrives at the Lodge, no amount of blasting the heater relieves the chill. 

He’s trying not to look uptight or upset on his way to his room, but when snow manages to slip down his pants, he groans and thunks his head into his door.

“You okay there?” Barclay is behind, wrapping paper in one hand and tape in the other.

“No. I got hit by a bunch of snowballs and I couldn’t act like I hated it, which I did, because Melanie clearly loved it and I don’t need yet another reason to seem stuffy and out of touch next to Hank! And to top it all off I cannot get warm.”

“You wanna use the springs?”

“They’re closed.”

Barclay gives him a sly smile, “Get your suit and meet me at that back door.”

He changes, tugging his complementary robe around himself as he waits. When Barclay returns, he ushers him out and past the usual springs to a door marked Staff Only.

“Holy shit, I thought this was a maintenance shed or something.”

“Nope. We want the staff to have a way to enjoy the springs without dealing with guests.” Barclay tugs off his sweatshirt, revealing his bare torso. Like his arms, it’s dotted with tattoos, and Joseph quickly tosses his robe over a chair so he can join him for a closer look at one in particular.

“I like the Bigfoot one.” 

“Knew you would” Barclay teases, eyes skating along Joseph's arms and chest, “think yours is more, uh, tasteful.”

Joseph glances at the black silhouette of Bigfoot on his shoulder, then at the woodland scene with the cryptid peeking out of the trees on Barclay’s bicep, “Yours is much more eye-catching.”

“Got it when I was cooking out on the west coast. My nickname was Bigfoot so it seemed like a good memento.”

Joseph playfully nudges his foot beneath the water, “They don’t seem too big to me.”

“Maybe not. I like to think every part of me is, uh, proportional” He leans back, spreading his arms over the side of the pool and Joseph uses all his self-control not to look down and confirm his statement. Then it runs out.

“Is…is that tattoo of a jar of chili crisp?” 

Barclay blushes, “Yeah. A friend of mine and I got condiment tattoos as part of a stunt to raise some money for the Lodge.” The cook opens his legs, ostensibly to move the tattoo closer so Joseph can see it. 

As Joseph adjusts for a better look, Barclay frowns, “Fuck, that looks like it hurt.”

He sighs, looking at the scar on his side, “Being shot generally does.”

“Holy fuck. When you said you’d been in the FBI I  didn’t realize it meant, like, dangerous shoot-out levels of FBI.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be. I was negotiating with a chunk of a cult that had taken some hostages on a farm and my back-up…didn’t back me up. They started firing on someone else's order and didn’t stop no matter what I said. I found out the hard way that someone had ammo that could pierce a bulletproof vest.”

“Fuck, Joseph, I’m sorry.” Barclay reaches out, tracing the skin above the scar.

“It was for the best. I like the work I’m doing now much better and I go to sleep with a clearer conscience. Plus I have more time to write.”

“I really do wanna read your book when you’re done.”

He means it. No one in Joseph’s life has ever meant it. 

“I’ll send you a copy, even if it’s just a stapled together one.”

Barclay yawns, rests his head on Joseph’s shoulder, “Gonna hold you to that.”

A hand bumps his thigh, palm upturned. An invitation. 

Joseph takes it, holding tight to the warmth as the snow swirls through the air.

—--------------------------------------------------------

“I hate being right.” Joseph hangs back against the Lodge wall, sporting the closest thing he owns to an ugly sweater (deep blue with snowflakes and UFOs) as his girlfriend kisses a man in a far uglier one on the other side of the room. 

“I’m sorry.” Barclay murmurs, though his voice is oddly tight.

“It’s for the best. But I need to go talk with her.”

Melanie is still glowing when Joseph waves her to the side door so they can talk outside. 

“Joseph, I, before you say whatever it is you want to say I need to tell you that I’m-”

“Breaking up with me?”

Her face falls, “You could tell?”

“I did have a career in investigation for years. What I wanted to say is that we’re on the same page. Dating you has been great, but I think we just want different things.”

“Yeah” she looks over her shoulder to where Hank is explaining the nativity scene on his shirt to his nephew, “I think we do. Take care, okay?”

He smiles and nods, giving a little wave as she disappears inside. Then he skirts the Lodge and sneaks in the back door, no longer in a festive enough mood to be in a crowd, even if that crowd includes his friends from the Lodge. 

The noise from the party dies down around ten, the same time he finishes the last crossword puzzle in his book. He’s wishing he’d done them in pencil so he could erase them and do some again when there’s a knock on the door. 

Opening it, he finds Barclay standing there, hands behind his back. 

“You can tell me to fuck off but I…I brought these” He produces a bag of jelly donuts from behind him, then reveals a DVD case, “and a copy of The Thin Man.”

Joseph takes both, voice shaky as he thanks him.

“I thought we could watch it together. I, I know it’s silly, and I almost didn’t do this because doing it right after you broke up with Melanie seemed creepy but also you’re only here for so long and I didn’t wanna chicken out” Barclay pauses, taking a deep breath, “but I wanted to say that I can’t think of a better way to spend a winter night than eating and watching old movies with you. Or just being with you.”

Joseph carefully sets the gifts on the bed. Then he takes two, determined strides and backs Barclay against the door, kissing him like his life depends on it. The cook moans, throwing his arms over Joseph's shoulders.

“That” Joseph murmurs, tracing his lips along Barclays’ throat, “is the best way I can think of spending a winter night.”

Barclay tips up Joseph’s chin to kiss him again, chaster but twice as hungry as before, “You make a convincing case, babe. So how about we find a new way to keep warm?”

They only make it down to their underwear before the exhaustion of the day sets in, but neither of them minds. As the snow falls in clumps outside, the cuddle close, trading sugar-coated kisses under the covers.

[grumpy-composer]

What Can We Do About Spotify’s New Payment Policy?

Spotify’s recent announcement has made many small artists mad. (See this post where I’m mad about it for more information as to why or shoot me a message if you have specific questions!)

Here are the things to do in case you don’t want to read my long explanations:

1.) Reach out to your favorite small and large creators.

2.) Look into other streaming platforms.

3.) Ask Companies for Statements and Send Feedback.

4.) Contact News Organizations

5.) Reblog and Share Your Experiences Online

I’ve provided more detail on each step under the cut. Feel free to add to this list, too!

1.) Reach out to your favorite small and large creators!

Not a lot of people are talking about this, one way to fix that is to bring it up, especially to those who have platforms. Podcasters, YouTubers, and especially musical artists. Large artists on Spotify have the clout to make a difference, but getting influencers to spread the word will be helpful as Spotify desperately wants to control how this change is perceived. (They literally framed their policy as giving millions to “new and emerging artists”, though if you read the policy you’ll see that’s not the case.)

Also send your favorite small artist a kind message about their music as many are feeling invalidated by this decision.

If you’re an artist: Politely ask artists you look up to for advice or opinions, express your distress if appropriate. 

If you’re a fan: Politely express your concerns to larger artists and ask if they have an opinion. Also look for ways to help support small creators you enjoy. Not everyone can afford merch or to buy a song outright, but even a message can help keep us motivated.

2.) Look into other streaming platforms. Both artists and consumers:

It’s no secret that streaming platforms pay artists almost nothing per stream, but artists are entitled to their money no matter how little. There are plenty of other streaming sites so if you currently pay to use Spotify, now may be a good time to consider other options before the policy goes into effect in 2024. 

Obviously Apple Music, Amazon Music, and Youtube Music are all options if you’re looking to pay for a new service that’s popular and has a similar catalog/features to Spotify. However Youtube videos on an artists official channel will also help support and there are plenty of other options like Tidal or Sound Cloud. 

Try to see how these companies compare in price and artist payout to make a decision that best fits you.

Also! Streaming Options I Just Learned About:

Resonate is a site that offers a “Pay2Own” model. Essentially, you only pay when you listen, doubling the cost each time, and once you’ve listened to a song enough to have paid about $1.40 it’s yours forever and you don’t have to pay more. And most of that money goes straight to the artist as Resonate is a CoOp.

SonStream is more direct and has you paying about $0.03 per song. Straightforward. If you don’t listen, you don’t pay. Meaning you can adjust how much you spend if needed each month rather than paying a regular subscription. They just put out Android and iOS apps and it’s free to use, meaning you only pay for what/ how much you listen to. If you want to more directly support an artist, see if they’re on there.

For consumers and fans: There are a lot of options for gaining access to music while still supporting artists, go forth and discover what's right for you!

For artists: See what sites will be best for you, if your distributor doesn't distribute to a site you think is good for you, see if you can upload it yourself.

3.) Ask companies for statements and send in your feedback.

Now is an excellent time to attempt to contact Spotify, Distributors, Labels, and other involved companies for statements about this issue. The more they have to talk about it, the bigger deal it will be. Contact their competitors, ask for their statements. Ideally, they’ll be forced to release public statements and add to the spread of news.

Additionally if their shareholders get upset, Spotify will sweat even more. If you’re a shareholder or know one, please open up the conversation.

Now is also an excellent time to tell Spotify that you don’t like this choice as a consumer, then come back in a week and do it again. Keep the pressure on. You give them money to access music while supporting artists. If the artists you choose to listen to aren’t compensated, why give them your money?

Contact other services as well. If you’re a customer for another service, emphasize to them how you dislike Spotify’s decision and want to ensure they keep paying their artists.

If you are an artist: Contact your distributor or label. Tell them your concerns and ask how they are going to help you.

If you are a consumer: Figure out how to give feedback and send it. Try multiple avenues. Always be polite, but firm.

4.) Contact News Organizations

Again, Spotify really wants to control the narrative. We should not let them. Send a tip to your local newspapers or news stations. Contact major news stations. Tweet at them.

If you’re a consumer/ fan: Contact stations and politely ask if they have any intentions to cover this story. Explain how you’re disappointed that other stations aren’t covering it. If someone in your local area has covered it, offer praise (or if it was covered poorly, critique) and ask if they plan to follow up. Point to any public statements from artists or companies.

If you’re an artist: If you are comfortable, try reaching out as above and offer to interview with them (especially if it’s for a local story). It’s good for your business as you can get in front of people, and show how this is affecting artists in your community. If you’re not comfortable with that, you could also release a public statement on social media and point the news in that direction as a source.

5.) Reblog and Share Your Experiences Online

I’ve seen a lot of people say that only fake artists (AI and bots) will be affected by this. If you are a small creator and are comfortable/ safe doing so, share how this policy will affect you. It will help us be seen and help fight that argument that no "real" musicians are being hurt.

And if you’re comfortable, reblog this post or talk about these changes on your socials. Share Spotify’s Statement and point out the flaws in their argument. 

Not everyone comes to Tumblr for this sort of thing, I totally get that. Not everyone wants to be faced with cold reality on their fun app and you are not obligated to engage in cold reality on Tumblr. That’s not what many use Tumblr for, but I find it strange that something like this isn’t being talked about more on this platform. Kind of seems like something Tumblr users would care about, so let’s spread the word and talk about it.

And that’s what I have. Look, some of the things in their update are good. Trying to stop AI shenanigans and people gaming the system is a good thing. However, the 1000 streams per track policy will hurt Spotify’s smallest creators far more than those putting in minimal effort.

Thank you for your time and good luck to my fellow small musicians.

[rapeculturerealities]

Hi, I have a question.

So back in November I had a friend over to watch tv, just hanging out. And he leans over and starts putting his hand beneath my shirt and etcetera (I won’t be detailed I don’t want to trigger anyone). Well it came out of nowhere and I was too shocked to say anything and he starts kissing me. He says we should go to bed. And I’m kind of just. scared? Scared to say anything because he’s in my house and I didn’t say no. I go along with it. The only protest I make is when he is about to penetrate and I say firmly not without protection. We go no further if you’ve not a condom. He does but then takes it off in the middle and keeps going. And then I’m panicking. He’s bigger than me as well and has already harmed me in ways I wasn’t comfortable with.

2 days later I go the pharmacy for the pill. The pharmacist takes me into the consultation room and asks what happened - I guess I was looking upset. I tell her and she looks at me and says “That’s rape. What you’ve described is sexual assault.” And I break down going no no, how could it be I never said no, I didn’t push back not even at the start. I tell her I haven’t been able to sleep in my bed, that I’ve wanted to douse it in petrol and light a match.

Was she right?? I don’t wanna be a rape victim, I don’t want to think ‘I was raped.’ Because I STILL blame myself. I don’t have a support system I don’t have anyone close enough I could tell about it. But I guess my question is, was it rape? Even if didn’t say no? Even though I may have been implying that I wanted it? I didn’t, but I might have implied it. I don’t ever remember saying a word.

Thank you. Sorry, I know this is rambling. Cheers

Hello,

First of all, I'm sorry for what happened to you. It sounds really frightening and upsetting. I need you to know that what happened was NOT YOUR FAULT.

While the standard definition of rape varies depending on where you are and to whom you're speaking, I'd say that what you've described qualifies. But you don't necessarily have to use that word if it doesn't feel right to you. What is most important is getting you the support that you need and deserve to deal with this.

We tend to talk about the concept of fight or flight, but it's only recently that people have started to recognize that other trauma responses exist , or that people can exhibit a mixture of responses to trauma. In addition to fight and flight, there's also fawn and something called " freeze" : going numb, feeling unable to move or fight back, confusion about what's going on that inhibits your reaction etc. A lot of survivors experience a freeze response and later blame themselves for not being as proactive as they imagine they should have been.

The truth is that you can't predict or often control what your response to a traumatic situation might be. Your body tends to do what it feels is necessary to keep you alive but these responses don't fit into modern narratives of what rape or sexual assault "should" be. What you did was exactly the right thing in your circumstances because you survived. You didn't do anything wrong.

In your situation, you may not have said "no" but it doesn't sound like you believed that a "no" would be heard or respected. Especially since the boundaries you attempted to set weren't honored.

You deserve to define your experience in ways that fit best for you. Part of taking back power after something like this happens is being able to make choices like these. People have varied opinions about what works best for them and how they choose to identify, But no matter what words you use, please know that what happened wasn't your fault and you deserve support to help you through this.

There are online resources that can help you as well as directories of local groups you can contact that may be able to offer assistance via counseling, support groups etc. I'm guessing that you're in the UK or thereabouts, so this might be a good start . In the US there is a searchable directory here. Hopefully some of these resources can help you access the support that will help guide you.

Thank you for being brave enough to share your experience here. You are not alone. We believe you. It wasn't your fault.

-Spider

[asherlockstudy]

have you ever thought about that the reason rhett kept telling link to shut up was because he knows even a non-drunk link is notorious for talking about nothing as if its leading to something then completely not make a point what so ever. he admits to start talking before having a solid understanding of what his point is. he is a huuuge air filler. takes 100 words to make a simple point, you are lucky if he even has an actual point, derails like hell etc... sorry but drunk link has the danger of boring people to death and derailing a time sensitive live show more than reveailing anything interesting about himself. i think his journey is that he is learning from his mistakes and listening to others and accepting himself while also standing up and owning who he is bla bla bla. we wont get anything more concrete cause there is none, its just a bunch of abstract concepts string together from his therapy sessions,and his limited ability to relay them without sounding like an ai therapy robot (or an ultimately useless non-profits long mission statement about. everything but nothing) maybe they as a couple found something they really liked in bed or whatever with his wife from that goop ladies show that will most likely stay private because christy doesnt seem to play those games for the public eye. sorry but i feel like we are underestimating links ability to make bigger deals out of things and fluff his words because he feeds from that anticipation more than the actual impact of an event

Have I thought about this? Well, yes, not in the exact way you put it, but yes I have. I have thought of several possible explanations, it's just that none ticks off as many inexplicable situations as the one I have been supporting.

I don't deny that sometimes Link's ability to say something and mean absolutely nothing is underestimated but it seems to me you underestimate him pretty much on every other aspect. It's times Link does not think things through or makes little sense but there are also many times he makes perfect sense and he makes totally valid points. Rhett and Stevie paint him as non-sensical many more times than it is actually the case.

As for the specific topic in question, Link has shown months long willingness to talk about it or allude to it, in fact since the beginning of this year. That's too long a time for him waiting consistently to make an air filling statement or mouth AI therapy teachings. The reason it seems to you like AI therapy is because he is forced to be vague and prevented from talking about it as clearly and as extensively as he wished. Besides, given everything we know about them, Link is less big on therapy teachings than Rhett is. And he is less big on exploring their spiritual deconstruction than Rhett is. In every sense, he should be less interested in nonsense amateur coaching sessions.

Furthermore, if it was truly a bunch of nonsense, Rhett wouldn't act like he is on the precipice of a nervous breakdown constantly. He would use Link as comedic leverage, just like he does in so many other situations. Why would Rhett take air filling seriously enough to make a whole Ear Biscuits to explain how social gatherings have become a torture to him because he feels responible to always regulate what Link is gonna say next? Rhett is not Link's parent. He is not responsible for what he says. He should not care and it should definitely not take a toll in his emotional well-being as he himself stated and as it is clear as day in multiple occasions, including GME.

And even if you think that he feels responsible so that people won't be driven away from their professional or personal interest in R&L, then none of this explains the whole dialogue of Link defending himself in that "he just wants to jump out of the plane" and Rhett answering that "he can't do it on his own accord because this is going to be a tandem jump, in fact a group jump, and there is a plan for it to which everybody has to stick" and I quoted him here, and Link's eyes watered after this.

This is not explained by air filling. Rhett reacts and responds like he is fully involved in this but disagrees entirely with the way Link approaches the situation.

I don't know if you are the same person who blames me for reading too much into it, but if so, IMO you have built this whole Link-dumbening thing in order to intentionally not read much into it.

[redheadlesbianfreak]

For the writing meme: 📡☯️💝

📡Why is sharing your writing important for fandom?

Thus far, I've only ever been interested in writing for small fandoms and posting for small fandoms. I've never written for anything big, so I don't know if I'll ever understand the huge impact that BNFs have on communities (though that sounds a little intimidating). For smaller fandoms, I feel readers tend to appreciate your work more, as it's less common to get stories from authors. A big reason why I can find it hard to write for bigger fandoms is that a lot of the ideas have already been taken (though this isn't quite true, there's always a story that someone hasn't written).

In little fandoms, you'll almost always be the first author to take a huge leap, and there's the idea that you might leave a bigger impact. I also think it's important to support smaller authors and less popular stories in general, especially if they resonate with you. I've met authors who are the only writers for their fandom, who are the ones who started their tag and carry dead/dying fandoms on their backs. It also inspires us to write more, and it inspires other people to take that leap and write their first story for the fandom.

☯️How do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experiences social anxiety?

This one will tie into the answer to the previous question. I think that fandom survives with engagement. There are some authors that really do need that engagement and others who do everything for themselves. While I do think that you can get to a point where needing engagement is super unhealthy, I feel that both of these mindsets are completely valid. When you work so hard that you pour your heart and soul into something, you do want to gain something in return. Obviously, we don't do it for money, and most of us don't do it for fame either. We do it because we want our work to resonate with someone, to inspire them.

I've been in fic communities where people write for insanely small communities. And more often than not, the lack of engagement can truly get to people. It can cause people to give up on stories to make writers feel like they aren't appreciated. So honestly, anything to show us you care can help. Even a kudos can make someone's month, and a comment can be treasured forever. I'm really grateful for everyone who commented and kudosed and read my fics, because hey, they really didn't have to do that, but I did think that kept me going for as long as I did.

I do get a lot of anxiety interacting with strangers on the Internet. Responding to comments on Ao3 and on Tumblr can be a bit anxiety-inducing. Sometimes, I feel kinda guilty when I get comments on my work telling me that they thought it was good, which is really weird, isn't it? I think I need to get better at taking all types of feedback, negative and positive, and getting used to people interacting with my work. One thing I've loved about becoming an author is that I used to be too shy to comment. Now, I realize how important it is to get engagement, and I do it more often.

💝What is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

I think that the answer to that is the first fic I ever published and the first fic I wrote for the Futurama fandom, which is Escalating. I'm not really sure what I expected to happen with that fic. I really didn't think it would get any engagement in such a little fandom, but it garnered way more attention. Now, it's one of the top Futurama fics on Ao3 in terms of stats, which is kinda wild to think about. It even surpassed some of the fics that inspired it in the first place.

I've debated as to why this ended up being the case at all, and I think it has a lot to do with a number of factors. For one, it was luck. I started posting in the summer, and I finished the fic very quickly because I had a lot of free time. It was the first fic for the pairing that I wrote that got over 50,000 words and got completed. On top of that, no one else was really writing for that pairing at the time, so that also helped. I don't think it would've been as well-liked if the circumstances were different.

One thing I'm worried about is that I don't want my most popular fic to be the first fic I wrote. No writer wants to peak early like that, we want to get more recognition as we improve. But I also have my eyes set on writing for even less popular fandoms now, so we'll see if that happens. Maybe one day I'll write something that will surpass it in stats. But it's important to remember that stats are never a guarantee that a fic is better written than something else.

[vanillahub]

2, 3 & 17

@commandsir

Munday Asks: Salt Edition [Accepting]

2. What are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

// SW fans learn the difference between forcing something onto you, and someone just stating an opinion. You're not a bigger fan for preferring one version of the canon over another, and same thing goes to the lesser of a fan argument. And don't even get me started on the whole crusade about "morality in fiction". Nobody is more morally righteous for watching the latest shows, or not.

The holy grail that we call source material is nothing more than a, collection of answers to the questions you may have. Disney's SW and Legends' come with their own different sets of answers. Trying to intimidate someone from enjoying one thing, is such a low move. And to me it tells me that many people, likely feel SO insecure about their beliefs/HCs/takes. That they feel like they have to act this way, in an attempt to "protect" themselves.

As an adult that's approaching her 30s, I've been far more drawn towards the more mature version of SW. I haven't been getting the most satisfactory answers from the new canon, and as such, I'll keep turning to Legends. At the same time, I don't treat the old Legends stuff as the holy bible, it isn't. I don't like everything about it, in the same way I also enjoy some changes brought by the new canon.

3. What rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

// Can we just go back to calling ourselves RP blogs? The whole shtick of 'This blog is a study of: X, Y, Z subjects that the RPer thinks it makes them look big brained for knowing uwu' doesn't look good, and imo it looks 1000x worse when the blog has little to no IC/character building done, and it is nothing but shitposts or generic aesthetics/musings.

It just makes the people behind those blogs come off as unnecessarily pompous. Especially when it is blatantly obvious, they don't know what they are talking about, because they are applying concepts/ideas wrongly in their fundamentals.

And I'm going to say it: anyone trying to pass that off as 'a joke' or how 'it wasn't meant to be taken seriously uwu' are just coping, because they likely realised how silly it all looks and sounds, but they convinced themselves this is better.

17. What are your opinions when someone makes negative posts constantly on their rp blog?

// I've had to deal with people like that many times in the past, and I've learned that it is best to just avoid those people. They are draining in every sense of the word, and my experience/time in communities has largerly improved, since I started filtering those people out.

To me, negativity can come in various forms.

There are obviously the people who are heavily tied to discourse, who are simply unable to drop a subject and move on, and they made hating a character/subject/part of a franchise's source material part of their personality. There are also people who overshare, every little bad thing that happened to them, and dump onto their mutuals/followers super personal shit that was never meant to be publicized. And they do that not out of malice in most cases, but because they are seeking out coddling and comfort in social media engagement (If anyone hits this point, they NEED to seek professional help.). And there are also people who are just unable to keep shit to themselves, or lack a circle of friends, to comment on every little thing others are doing. You know, the people who go 'oh ew. Imagine shipping/liking X Y stuff' or 'Oh what did I do? Why did I lose a follower? >:('. Now this is just vagueposting, which is targeting someone.

And before anyone tries to point fingers at me because, I support people doing whatever they want in their blogs. I also equally support people improving their online experience, and leave if they feel like they've had enough of something.