#i made this post for you my favourite insufferable child

[cryinglookingatsoulages]

do i have an unhealthy obsession with buzzcut boys my whole life? maybe. maybe i do. and so what. if anything, it’s very logical. the buzzcut is a litmus paper that tells you if the boy is truly pretty or is it just. you know. the hair. remove the hair and what will be left? either The True God-like Beauty or nothing at all.

[zarnzarn]

Epic post canon fluff for the soul!

-

"Athena, help, help!" Odysseus hisses, darting behind her. Athena tenses up, grabbing her spear. "Your wife is after me!"

"She is your wife," Athena rolls her eyes, relaxing and letting the weapon dissolve. Odysseus presses himself between her stature and the wall, arranging her robes around him to make it seem she was sitting on the settee alone.

"As are you," Odysseus says pointedly. The delusion never fails to make an odd rush of emotion go through her, something both bashful and giddy and embarrassed to be feeling both. "And speak softer, she's going to hear you."

"What did you do anyway?" Athena sighs, leaning back against him and stifling a grin as he squawks at the heavy weight of her. "Penelope is a calm, rational woman- she's not one usually to send you running like this."

"What are you talking about?" Odysseus says, outrage muffled behind her. "Calm and rational- do you know she once made me fistfight a merchant who she thought was giving us low quality carpets for our wedding? Carpets, Athena!"

"I don't know how you two keep this kingdom running," Athena sighs, shaking her head as she picks her weaving back up. Two arms sneak around her waist, and she shifts downwards with a soft smile no one can see, letting him hug her tight as if he can squeeze his affection into her body. She does not know how it continues to feel like this, even ten years later, like every day is filled with nothing but satisfaction and content and happiness. "What-"

"Athena!" Telemachus crashes into the door as he loses grip on the marble flooring with his old sandals that really need to be burnt. He shakes his head and turns to run at her, throwing himself at her side like intends to crawl behind as well, like he is not a lad of twenty-six summers now. "Mom is- oh, hi, dad!"

"Hey, Tele," Odysseus says warmly, and Athena begs for patience as they both try to adjust themselves behind her. "Did she see you?"

"No! But-"

"What," Athena slams her hands down on the loom. "-did you two even do? And why am I collateral in your foolishness?"

"Because we're your favourites," Telemachus says shamelessly. She regrets the day she and Penelope decided to leave the sweet child alone with his insufferable brat of a father for that holiday they took together around the island. He was never quite the same ever again. "And shhh, she's gonna hear you!"

"Let her," Athena says mutinously. "And you're wrong- Diomedes is my favourite. The calmest, quietest one of all of my students."

"Then stop sending him away to guide youngsters on magical quests!" Penelope snaps as she storms in. Athena is ashamed to admit she quails back at the furious entrance with wide eyes. "Maybe then I'd get someone else in this house who isn't an absolute fool!"

"Penelope-" She says, as if she's done something wrong and she is also not an ancient goddess of war who fought the Titans themselves.

"Athena," Penelope says dangerously. "Where are those rascals?"

Said rascals are frozen still like deer behind her, so much so she barely remembers she's there. "What... rascals?"

Penelope wears a look of incredulity at the terrible attempt at a lie, something that Athena also shares in vague disbelief at her own self, before suddenly changing her tune, looking for all the world a weary, middle-aged, fond woman.

"My darling Athene," she coos, sweet as honey. "Beloved husband mine. Where are those annoying brats, please tell me?"

Athena's heart skips a beat and her fingers stutter on her shuttle.

This nonsense had all started some accursed months ago when she had woken up one morning beside Penelope, Odysseus already gone ahead for the morning to bathe, Athena pressed into the warmth he'd left behind after a particularly bad migraine the previous night.

"I am- not your husband," she manages, trying not to blush at the words. "I do not why you insist on calling me so."

Penelope pouts.

Then Penelope had stretched and thrown an arm and leg over her, and suddenly she was wide awake as the other nuzzled into her neck and murmured, "Good morning, husband."

Athena had burned for that one brief moment, then abruptly teleported out of there to Odysseus in their bathhouse, wading into the water with all her clothes on, babbling apologies and awkward explanations to the bewildered man, while fighting the sudden mortifying realisation of Why have I been sleeping in their marital bed? followed shortly by WHY HAVE THEY BEEN LETTING ME?

And after Odysseus had gotten the whole story out of her- she had not been hysterical, fuck off, Odysseus- he had almost laughed himself sick with mirth. Then after she'd bellowed at him to take it seriously, he'd chuckled and swam closer to her.

Athena had not slipped into the water in shock.

"I won't lie, I do like the sound of it, though," Odysseus had purred. Swam closer and placed his hands on her hips, scalding hot and real. "Penelope would look good with two husbands, don't you think? What say, Pallas Athena, will you be my wife too?"

It had hit her like a sword to the gut, the realisation that he was teasingly seducing her, and it hit like a second sword to the face that even if he didn't really mean it, she wouldn't mind, which was a horrifying development to suddenly be aware of, and the result of that was-

"CEASE!" She had shouted and splashed the entire floor in her mad scramble to get away from him, Odysseus cackling behind her. She had promptly gotten as far away from the entire mad island of Ithaka as she could, and then picked a fight with poor Eros, who was probably the only innocent party in this whole situation.

But after that, they had not stopped, the bastards that they were- went about calling her that all the time, introduced her to people with the title they felt like inflicting on her that day, held her close with the same casual possession they used with each other.

"Are you worried about being the second?" Penelope says brazenly, bangles jingling as she puts her hands on her hips. "Don't worry, love, once I get my hands on Odysseus, you will be my one and only, and we can replace that donkey I call a son as well. Now, I heard you talking to them, where are they?"

"Aw, how come I don't get the title of donkey?" Odysseus says as he peeks out from behind her, and Penelope's face becomes full of rage.

"YOU-!" She hitches up her skirts and chases her laughing husband around the room, shouting insults and curses.

Athena sits there silently, still trying to recover from what Penelope had said so casually to her.

Maybe- maybe it wasn't a joke after all? Were they actually serious-

"You know they are not joking, right?" Telemachus says, sudden sharp knowing in his voice. She looks over at him, and he smiles softly, lifting himself to his knees as he makes his way past her open hair to press a fond kiss to her cheekbone. "They really love you, ma."

Athena makes a truly undignified gurgling noise. Then narrows her eyes. "Manipulation."

"It can be manipulation and truth!" Telemachus says as he reaches out and straightens out the threads of her look that had gotten tangled in all the mess. "I am the product of your intellectual labour, am I not?"

"Are you?" Athena grumbles darkly, and he laughs high and sharp. He has dozens of suitors of his own now, children of heroes and gods alike- and he has every last one wrapped around his finger as easy as breathing, toying with them all so gently they can't do anything but enjoy it as he lazily chooses between them, all father's charm and mother's beauty and smile as sharp as any wolf's.

Athena is so incredibly proud of him.

"Yes," He says, then slumps against her as they watch Penelope pull off her sandals to throw at Odysseus. She misses, and a vase goes crashing to the floor instead as Odysseus slips past her once more. "Mom really is in love with you, though. I can tell."

"I-"

"She knows that too. But maybe come for dinner more often, that's enough to make her day." Athena turns to look at him, raises an eyebrow. Telemachus smiles sunnily. "And there isn't a mortal or Olympian alive who knows what the hell kind of insane dynamic you have going on with dad, so I'm not going to bother asking."

"You used to be such a sweet child," Athena says despairingly. "Why were you tainted so."

Telemachus guffaws.

Another vase crashes to the floor and Athena sighs.

"My most beloved," She calls out, words fitting awkwardly in her mouth. Still, it's worth it to see them both freeze and whip around to stare at her with wide eyes and red cheeks, strangulation and excuses forgotten. She snorts, Telemachus giggles excitedly. "Please. May we forget these petty squabbles and go to lunch? I find myself hungry today."

"Yes!" The two of them practically teleport to her side, looking up at her with adoring, worshipful expressions. Telemachus gestures something encouraging in the side of her vision, and goes on ahead to get the cook ready, successfully escaping his mother's ire.

Athena smiles. Builds up her courage and leans down once on either side to peck them both on the lips and pushes down a smug smile at their stunned expressions as she straightens back up, relishing in the satisfaction of getting one over them after weeks of teasing.

"Well?" She says as she reaches the door, turning back to see them clutching at each other and staring at her, cheeks scarlet. Such beautiful idiots they are, the both of them. She huffs in amusement. "I'll let whoever reaches first call me their wife in front of Hermes tomorrow."

Odysseus and Penelope both shout in dismay and start tussling with each other to reach the door first and Athena laughs as she shifts into an owl and flies overhead, towards yet another day with her favourite people.

[lolitawestcoast]

I rarely write or post things on social media because I am more of an “observer”, but after finishing season 2 of HOTD, I realised that I, too, want to share my “unpopular opinions” (as some may say they are) with the world. I guess I got inspired by all of you whom I follow and whose posts I consistently read that are truly in sync with what I think about the show overall, especially the greens and other characters I like.

So you are welcome to read this rant/ mini essay and give your two cents about the topic. I will be discussing a few characters who I have firm opinions about and what I think we should actually focus or take away from the series.

I will start with my personal favourite, Alicent Hightower. I swear I am in minority when I say this, because all the people that I know (including close people and friends) dislike/hate her and that’s totally fine, nobody should force others to like a character but the way they talk about her (all completely stupid arguments that miss the mark) as if she’s this insufferable, evil, bad mother. She is so layered, so tragic, ugh, it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about what Viserys himself has put her through, not ONLY Otto. I say this because a lot of the conversations I’ve had with others NEVER acknowledge his part in her trauma and when I mention it I am immediately shut down, it’s kind of sad and disturbing.

In their opinion, Alicent is a BIG part of what happened leading to the war. Excuse me? Have you seen season 1? Have you followed the plot at all? That woman is a victim. I’ve been reblogging and reading a lot of people’s posts here that were completely spot on about how many sacrifices she has made as she puts it herself (“What have I done, but what was EXPECTED of me? Forever upholding the kingdom, the family, the law.”) While Rhaneyra gets to do all she wants (“While you flout all to do as you please”) with no consequences because the king favours her and turns a blind eye to her actions, forever defending her even if he CLEARLY knows (and sees) what’s in front of him.

For example, that whole Alicent-Rhaneyra confrontation in season 1 was such a divisive discussion in my family, ugh, I felt like Alicent herself against everybody saying that she wasn’t in the right but you know what? She totally was. I would have had the same reaction (“Where is duty? Where is sacrifice? It’s TRAMPLED under your pretty foot again!”) Her life as a queen was forced on her by the MEN around her. What do you expect? How is she supposed to just take what’s happening to her and not stand up for herself and her child whose eye was fucking SLASHED. Aemond lost an eye. I just know, as a mother, I would have gone FERAL. No doubt. How can she not ask for justice, an eye for an eye (“And now you take my son’s eye and to even that you feel entitled.”) Couldn’t have said it better myself. Later on, when Aemond kills Lucerys, Rhaneyra herself wants “a son for a son”. Isn’t that the same philosophy? Why is Alicent unreasonable when she is asking for Lucerys’ eye in that moment? I don’t see much of a difference. This is one of the examples where I can’t look away and just hate someone like others do, because she has a point.

Another example is when Rhaneyra tells her that she doesn’t want to be “trapped in a castle” and “made to squeeze out heirs”. I swear, when they showed Alicent’s face after that line, I had tears in my eyes, I felt like I wanted to hold her because she DID NOT need to hear that, it was cruel. She broke my heart so many times, I almost want to say I rarely feel this way about a character in a show: “Sadness is a condition of motherhood”. My dearest Alicent, THEY WILL NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU.

Is she a bad mother as they say? Not at all. Would a bad mother literally SHIELD Aegon with her body when threatened with a DRAGON? Would a bad mother (again) use her body to protect her daughter Helaena from the smallfolk during the riots? Would she stand up for Aemond and DEMAND justice, putting herself in danger as well as in a unfavourable position with the king as a bad mother? HOW DOES SHE NOT LOVE HER CHILDREN? I mean, I have a mother who would do the EXACT same thing for me, literally take a bullet for her child. And like Alicent, my mother has her flaws, she’s been through things in life beyond my understanding (having an abusive husband), so she isn’t perfect, but she loves me with all her heart nonetheless. She has projected some things onto me and has hurt me many times with her words, like Alicent sometimes does with Aegon, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. Even after the incident with Aemond happens, she regrets her actions, mainly slashing Rhaneyra’s hand: “It was an ugly thing, I regret it”. Otto is then the one who praises her for what she has done: “And yet, I’ve never seen that side of you, my daughter…We play an ugly game.” Once again, he is the mastermind, using Alicent as a pawn in his search for power. She is not power hungry herself.

I think it’s hard for her sometimes to look at her children, especially Aegon I think, her firstborn, whom may I remind you she had VERY YOUNG, a child herself and not see her whole grief, trauma and abuse through him. The way Emily has portrayed young Alicent, specifically in that scene where she holds her baby and she just looks defeated, sad, depressed, EXHAUSTED. While Rhaneyra gets to have children with whom she pleases (Harwin Strong is someone who she loves and cares about, judging by the loving and tender looks they give each other in some scenes) because she has an open marriage and she was lucky enough to get that. Nothing was forced on her. She had the freedom to look for her own suitors, a thing that Alicent calls “romantic” because in her mind, she would have absolutely dreamed to do the same.

Moreover, how can you say that Rhaneyra and Alicent don’t have love for each other? They make that CLEAR in the show so many times with small, beautiful details (the page, their 2 conversations from season 2, beautifully acted by Olivia and Emma). Didn’t Alicent vehemently defend Rhaneyra against the “claims” made by Otto that her and Daemon got into some inappropriate actions together? Even though his informer was right. She believed her and vouched for her to the king. She has never been jealous of her in that sense. She was envious perhaps of her freedom, yes, for sure, but who wouldn’t be, given her situation. She still loved and cared for her deeply.

When Otto is dismissed as hand and they have that conversation in the rain where he enforces on her that she has to prepare Aegon to be king because Rhaneyra will put her children to the sword otherwise, because she will be challenged by Aegon; the manipulation from Otto she has received time and time again runs deep into her adulthood. After he leaves she is alone at court, nobody in her corner. She doesn’t realise she is being used as a pawn in a man’s power games, but she becomes paranoid and determined to defend her own family. Cut to the wedding scene: after she finds out about Rhaneyra’s indiscretion with Cole, she fully embraces the colour green, representative of the Hightower house, subtly declaring war by showing up in that beautiful gown in the middle of the king’s speech (an iconic, awesome scene if you ask me). At that point, she was disappointed, angry and possibly fed up with her having to honour her duty as a queen, while her dearest friend lies and gets away with things. As much as you love and care for someone like that, you cannot overlook their wrongdoings.

I’ve also seen that she was called a “bitch” for wanting to see Rhaneyra’s child immediately after giving birth. However, she didn’t want HER to come to Alicent physically and show the baby, it was after all, Rhaneyra’s decision to go. Being her third child and Alicent probably seeing the other 2, of course she wanted to see for herself if he’ll look the same. She is the only one pointing out that they are bastards and everybody KNOWS IT. Her husband, Cole, all the people at court, hell even Harwin’s father. It is so blatantly obvious; it’s actually hilarious how Viserys dismissed Alicent and everybody who brought it up, which is fair enough from their perspective, even for Vaemond when they are discussing the succession of Driftmark. How can one NOT be frustrated? How can she not be furious? Later on, when the king states “Anyone who dares question the legitimacy of my grandsons, should have it (their tongue) removed” as Rhaneyra looks at Alicent with some sort of entitlement and power: “Thank you, father”. The rage I felt for her in that moment was so intense, because it is so unfair.

Here is another hard pill to swallow for some: Viserys has divided his family by always favouring his first daughter (he even refers to her as his “only daughter/child). He wants peace in his family but all he does is create “war”, hate, resentment, bitterness etc. Maybe he wasn’t Viserys “the peaceful” after all, at least not when it came to his own family. Never acknowledged or cared for his other 4 children he has with Alicent which in turn made them (particularly Aegon and Aemond) the way they are. Aegon even mentions how his father “didn’t like him”. Can you blame him? He yells in his face when Aemond’s eye incident happens, doesn’t give A DAMN about the fact that his son , “HIS BLOOD” , had lost an eye because he cares more that his precious daughter’s sons were insulted: “MY SON HAS LOST AN EYE FOR AN INSULT?” Yes Alicent, I was in fact, also enraged when that happened. How does nobody look at that man and see what he has done to his own family? Maybe HE has more of a role in the dance later on, together with Otto and other MEN who plotted the usurping. Maybe things would have been different had he been a better father/husband. But they sure like to blame the woman, the “scorned bitch” who’s jealous of Rhaneyra.

Even so, despite all this, make no mistake, the love and affection between the two women never fades away. That scene from season 1 episode 8, where she softly squeezes her hand (ironically the same one that has the scar she inflicted on her) and lovingly tells her not to leave after their children have an argument. You can feel their chemistry: it’s like they found each other again, after such a long, tumultuous time, at last, Rhaneyra and Alicent together like old times. That whole dinner scene was so peaceful, literally the calm before the storm. The poison runs deep in the family, it can’t be erased just like that, in one night. You can see that whatever foundation Viserys thought he had built within his family and the realm, it all crumbled down in the end.

Alicent needed someone to support her and remind her that it is NOT her fault: what happened to her, that she was used, abused and her innocence stolen from her. She was so desperate for this.

I won’t even have enough time to write everything here about Alicent’s life, at least nothing that hasn’t already been said (beautifully put by others that I read so far, you are all making me feel seen by the way!❤️)

Maybe I am too emotionally attached to her, but I can’t understand the constant hate she gets from CERTAIN people. It is so frustrating to try and explain everytime all the details in the scenes with her to others, I guess it doesn’t matter in the end. “It’s just a fictional character” they say; yes, indeed. I get very passionate sometimes because I was a film student and movies/tv shows are and will forever be my life and I am always analyzing all the details (force of habit, because I had to do this a lot for my assignments).

I don’t even have a side (team green, team black) fuck that nonsense. Personally, that strategy marketing which HBO constantly tried to shove down our throats is just bullshit; in the end, NOBODY (except Helaena) is truly a role model or a “hero”. The whole idea of this entire show and its events is about the smallfolk and the dragons who are nothing but collateral damage in this foolish civil war. While the privileged fight for a throne, the others suffer, the real innocents.

When I watch the show, I don’t even care about childish things like taking sides, like this is just a basic argument between two people, I just have a couple of characters that I root for or feel close to because they speak to me in a very specific manner. Also, the actors are tremendously talented so they literally make the characters compelling, maybe beyond what they get on the page of that script (which sometimes it’s not much or enough, if you ask me).

Hopefully I am not alone and I’ve seen here that I am not (I almost feel like part of a community at this point🥹), but in general I prefer the team green characters (which DOES NOT mean that I dislike or hate anyone in team black), I just think they are more complex, fucked up, relatable, and acted so damn well (although EVERYBODY in that cast is exceptional). I think I like the whole “dysfunctional” family vibe the greens have.

That being said, I like Rhaneyra as a character, for sure, I don’t dislike her at all, but I don’t know if I like what they are doing to her, script wise. Emma is exceptional in their portrayal of the character with what they are given anyway, but the writers are certainly making her more seem like the “hero” of the story, although I can see she has a lot of flaws. She is FAR from perfect. What I gathered from her as a character is that she is quite hypocritical in many aspects, especially when it comes to Alicent. In certain scenes in season 2 for instance, she points fingers at her for the things Rhaneyra herself has done. Blames her for starting this war when in fact, it wasn’t Alicent.

Unfortunately some fans are way too biased and are so blinded by what the show is feeding them to see and acknowledge her wrongdoings and see beyond this “rightful heir” tag she has. I am starting to see more interesting and complex things from Rhaneyra, mainly from season 2 and I am hopeful to see what’s in store for her in season 3. Although, I’ve always seen her as someone more nuanced, thanks to Milly and Emma’s stellar performances. She isn’t very likeable to me, because I see through her, for what she is. But I like when she gets more like her book counterpart (if you know what I’m saying). I like to see that: more complexity.

Furthermore, I was absolutely gutted when Rhaenys died (she really should have been queen🫡), what a great character. I love that Jacaerys got some more personality in the last few episodes of season 2, because I wasn’t convinced before of him as a solid character. This also leads me to the idea that Rhaneyra is definitely a bit selfish in pursuing her claim to the throne and totally overlooking his (valid) feelings towards the other bastard Targaryens claiming the dragons. I loved his speech and how he stood up for himself in a way.

You have to objectively look at these characters most of the time while watching the show and it is truly unfortunate that many people in the fandom are so blindly biased and defensive of some of their favourites, especially Rhaneyra because I see that happening mostly with her. You can’t judge them, but god forbid you tell them you like the greens, especially Alicent, Aemond (even Ageon) or Cole (speaking from my own experience) then you are definitely going to be judged because they are somehow seen as the antagonists of the show.

In my humble opinion, the show DOES NOT have protagonists or antagonists because like I’ve mentioned before, that’s not the point at all. Each one of us has their own “favourite war criminal” and that’s that. Let us, the audience just enjoy supporting the characters we like and stop judging each other. This is not real life, it’s not that deep. I like when I talk to someone and they express their love and passion for a character, even though I don’t feel the same, it’s quite nice to do that without criticising and getting into an argument with that person. We respect each other’s opinions and move on.

Anyways, went on a bit of a tangent there but moving on, Baela is also a character I like a lot, because I need somebody that supporting and wise in life by my side, for real. She is a gem. When she says something, I listen.

I know this might sound odd but I don’t actually HATE anybody in this show. I can say I dislike Daemon for pretty well known reasons at this point, no need to list them here, although I don’t feel hate for him necessarily. I am raising my eyebrow a bit at how Aemond turned out so far, although I still think that Ewan made him one of the coolest, most compelling characters in the show, especially in season 2. He is a delight to watch because his presence on screen is just THAT fucking gripping. I still see him as an underdog, especially looking back at his childhood and what happened to his eye and all that. I still feel for that child, for how he was bullied and undermined. I can’t completely overlook the things that happened to him which lead to the events of season 2. Although, as a book reader, I am a bit disappointed in some of the writing regarding his character (a discussion for another day).

This is a big one, but I also didn’t get why SO MANY people HATE Criston Cole, like he’s actually universally the most hated character in the show so far (based on how Fabien Frankel himself was harassed on his instagram which breaks my heart). It is such a sad, but funny thing to see at the same time.

This guy is certainly NOT the worst character in the GOT universe; if you rewatch GOT (which I’m currently doing) he really is no match for some people you see there. He was clearly wrong in many aspects in this show, especially with the event of Blood and Cheese and what followed. I would say that I disliked his behaviour and I certainly did not align with many of his actions and opinions at certain points in the show, although I do feel that he is remorseful and has had quite the journey in season 2. By the end of this season he went through quite a horrific experience (the battle at Rook’s Rest) which I think changed him mentally and you can see that, courtesy of Fabien’s great performance (when he has that conversation with Gwayne in season 2 finale, which I loved).

I’ve seen the memes with him and the constant topic being brought up of him being “bitter” and hung up on Rhaneyra because she turned him down when he suggested that they should run away together, but I don’t even think it goes on for too long, at least in his mind. Yes, he calls her names and talks shit about her at times (indirectly) but I think later on he’s moved on from that, at least since he started to be more intimate with Alicent (who he says is the “beacon” he follows) because rightfully so, she saved his life in many ways, I guess literally and metaphorically. He doesn’t have time to think about his bitterness towards Rhaneyra anymore, with all that has taken place since they had that encounter, at least I don’t think so.

He has had quite the journey and at this point I just think the hate and the jokes are getting old and more like, there is no other character we can hate so we are all pointing fingers at “Crispin” as I’ve seen and heard people call him. I just can’t even bring myself to hate him, I respect how smart he is and how skilled in battle he proved himself to be. Surely he is not as one dimensional as people are making him out to be. Yes, the memes are funny and all that, but some people are too mean spirited, it makes me think they are projecting a little bit too much. Even Fabien himself is moved when somebody praises his character or says something nice about him (I saw that in an interview some time ago, he was genuinely happy someone complimented him because he has seen the hate and I just wanted to go through the screen and hug him, he is so kind, bless him). Give him a break guys, please.

Again, this might be quite an unpopular opinion, but isn’t Cole justified in a way to be upset and resentful over what happened between him and Rhaneyra? Wasn’t he used that night to satisfy her needs and quite frankly her frustration because she didn’t get what she wanted from Daemon? She could care leas about him as a person, about his honour, his duty. Most of the time she was too carefree and ignorant of these concepts. Wasn’t there a power imbalance between them? He tried to resist, he didn’t pursue her. What was he to do? I wondered often what would have happened if he denied her that night.

After their affair, he asks her to run away with him (which I admit it was a bit funny the way he put it, to leave behind her privileged life to go somewhere and sell oranges or whatever) but in that moment, the way she looks at him and answers, I’m sure broke his heart, because he thought she might have feelings for him. I didn’t even see them as simply having “sex” but more like “making love”, it was quite tender and beautiful. I don’t think he was wrong in assuming that, after all, they were each others’ firsts. He feels hurt, cheated and used: “So you want me to be your whore?”. I can’t lie, I felt for him in that moment. Everything he had to his name, as he says, was taken from him. Can we not feel some sympathy for this man? Is he not justified in thinking that Rhaneyra is “a cunning spider”? As far as he is concerned, she has fooled him and stolen his honour, left him with nothing to his name. He was already by the standards of those times, a nobody.

Can we just be reasonable as an audience and just stop following others like sheep on this “chain” of hate?

Don’t even get me started on Aegon. I won’t even expand here why I also never hated him (although I want to make it CLEAR that I DO NOT condone what he did in the show, under NO circumstances) even though again, I am disappointed on how his character was changed from the books (if you know, you know). I feel he has been treated unfairly just like his mother and there are a lot of reasons he is the way he is. Like I said, too much to get into. But once again I praise the actors for giving such nuanced performances, THEY are making the characters come to life.

I feel I already said too much and I don’t want to get into the book and the parallels with GOT because I would have to write a thesis then and this has already become an essay.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you, I appreciate you reading this; it is my first time posting something like this. I don’t really post my opinions online because the internet is mean and toxic but I really wanted to get this off my chest. Maybe in hopes that someone else shares the same views (which I think we’ve established there are quite a few people here on tumblr who do). I am so excited to read more posts/opinions and hopefully be part of healthy discussions about this show and its characters. Please be respectful.

[jreads]

Unexpected Constellations (Part 14)

Rating: No crazy stuff

Word Count: 6.8K

Warnings: Warnings: Angst, Mentions of blood, Canon-level violence, Dark themes, Foul language, Din being a cutie

A/N: Sorry I pushed this back for so long! It was giving me such grief but I think I am okay with posting it now. I was overwhelmed with the love from the previous part and I am so so happy that everyone liked it. As it stands, this is the penultimate part! As always, comment on this post or the masterlist to get added to the taglist. So much love 🤍

Waking up next to him was bliss. Your body felt tired and achy and sore, but his head was resting on your chest, curls tickling your chin, body pressed possessively against your own. Breathing even. It was so new to see him like this, and it had quickly become one of your favourite things. You ran fingers through his hair, nails scraping against his scalp and his sleepy groan was so deep that it might have been a purr.

“You’re so beautiful.” It sort of slipped out. You were becoming loose lipped around him.

“You keep saying that.”

“It’s true.” Maker, and his voice. Rich like sweet candy. 

He huffed into your skin, arms tightening around you like a band. 

You stilled your fingers in his hair. “You don’t believe me?”

No answer. But he lifted his head, brows raising quizzically, eyes still heavy with sleep. It was impossible. Intolerable. 

“I mean… Have you looked at yourself?”

Din answered too matter-of-factly. “Yes. In the fresher sometimes.”

“Sometimes?”

“I don’t look at my reflection a lot.”

“Why not?”

He seemed to get fed up with your line of questioning, collapsing back against you and nuzzling into your stomach to avoid an answer. But you weren’t letting it go so easily.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

“I think you’re biased.” He kissed your navel.

You tried to ignore the flutter that went through you. “I think you’re insufferable.”

He pressed you to the bed then, hovering over you just slightly. “I guess you’ll have to suffer then. You’re stuck with me now.”

Snarky, gorgeous, unbelievable. “Can’t imagine how I’m ever going to survive—”

“Shut up.” He captured your laugh in a kiss, slow and sensual and lazy, and you lost yourself in it. You let him guide your wrists above your head, where he pinned them with a broad palm. You let him trail the other hand down your side, over the curve of your waist. 

You let him, you let him, you let him. 

It took the both of you far too long to make it out of Boba’s guest suite. Din had even quipped about him starting to charge rent. But eventually, and quite unfortunately, you were reminded that a galaxy existed outside of each other, and that you needed to get back to it.

Din had only told you about the Imp that morning, reluctantly. And perhaps that was lucky, because if you had known earlier, there was little chance you would have been able to sleep let alone focus on anything else. Focus on Din.

But you knew now.

What Din had done wasn’t lost on you. He could have killed the man himself; he had had plenty of time while you were still unconscious. He could have drawn it out, made it bloody. You knew he enjoyed that sometimes… when given the right circumstances… when the victim was deserving. But he had captured him instead, left him alive. Not just so you could kill him yourself if you pleased, but because he knew you needed closure. Thus, the day’s responsibilities would be far from easy and would also take some time. 

A quick comm chat with Peli had ended with the lady practically demanding that she take Grogu to a podrace, and that if you two were early to Mos Eisley this evening, you ‘would just have to park your asses down in the hangar and wait.’ It was so good to hear the child’s coos from the other end of the line, though it only eased your trepidation by a fraction.

“You don’t have to do this.” Din’s presence was unyielding behind you as you made your way down darkened sandstone steps. “Say the word, and I can—”

You silenced the rest of his sentence, stopping abruptly on the staircase and spinning on him. A step above, he towered over you. Ever the protector. “As much as I’m sure you’d love to…” You rose onto the tips of your toes and caressed the indents in his helmet. “…I have to handle this myself.”

He nodded once. “I’ll be here. If you need anything—” Before he could finish, another voice sounded from behind you.

“You’re awake. I was getting worried.” 

It was enough to make you reconsider the rest of the descent into the Rancor’s cave. Truthfully, you might have preferred coming face-to-face with the Rancor instead. Powerless. You had to remind yourself. He has no power here. Over you. Over anything.

With a shaky breath, you reached the bottom of the pit, advancing on a menacing portcullis. Though he was silent, you knew Din followed.

He was grasping onto the gate bars with white knuckles. He looked a sight. Usually pristine Imperial uniform now torn and singed, he was covered in dirt and dried blood. A nasty gash had crusted over on the top of his head, staining his hair. You wondered who had done it. Your money was on Boba. If it had been Din, he wouldn’t have stopped there.

“Leaving you alone with two Mandalorians and a bounty hunter?” He scoffed, as if the idea were preposterous. “Their kind are ravagers. I’m relieved you’re alright.”

To act as if he was concerned about your well-being at all was almost insulting. What was worse was the assumption that the ones who had cared for you would have put you in harm’s way. A reversal of roles… a projection.

You tried to summon an air of phony assertiveness, though your hands were shaking. Fear? Anxiety? Rage? It was anyone’s guess. “Here’s how this is going to work. You don’t insult my friends. In fact, don’t speak unless you’re answering a question. Are we clear?”

He seemed to pay you no mind. “Look at you! So confident. Perhaps those years apart were a blessing in disguise.” He seemed comfortable, assured even, but his knuckles, blanched against the gate metal, gave him away. 

“I’ve been meaning to tell you… what you did in that control room. It was amazing. Magnificent.”

The control room? When you knocked him out?

“I always knew you had it in you.” His eyes were glazing over with some sort of sick admiration. “Your master would be so proud.”

The control room. The water, the cables. The electricity. Oh. Stars. He thought you had summoned lightning.

“I don’t… I didn’t.” You suddenly felt the need to defend yourself. Not to him, but to the man behind you. The one you were trying to convince that you were good. The one you were trying to convince yourself that you were deserving of.

“You don’t need to be afraid.” His smile made you feel sick, whatever calm mask you had put in place quickly slipping. “This is what you were meant for. Don’t you see? Everything we—” He was quick to correct himself. “Everything they did was for this… And look how strong you are now.” Dirty fingers reached past the bars, grasping for you. You stumbled back into Din’s chest. 

He ran a hand over you side, squeezing at your hip, barely a featherlight touch but grounding nonetheless. You breathed a few times, timing your inhales with the rise and fall of his chest.

However, the Imp was now surveying the Mandalorian with a repulsed expression. Looking from him to you… and back again. He sneered. “Wow, really?” He waited, as if for an answer. “You could conquer worlds, topple governments. The galaxy would bow at your feet.” That petulant entitlement had found its way back into his cadence. “Is this what you’d throw it all away for? A trivial romance?” Disgust dripped from his words. “You could be a god.”

When you broke his eye contact, he turned to Din instead. “And you could be rich.”

“I’m not interested in credits.” There was a sharp edge in his modulated voice, a promise of violence.

“No, I’m sure you’re not. It’s power you’re after.” The hatred between the two men hung so thick in the air that it was starting to suffocate. “What is it? Planning on using her to retake your home world?” Din stilled. “Who would dare to stand against you with a Sith at your side?”

“Enough.” Your tone was sharp, but not sharp enough.

“How long has it been since your people have even seen Mandalore? Set foot on the scorched soil? I wonder what they’ll find beneath its surface.” His tone was all too knowing. Din’s mind roared like a wildfire behind you.

“I said enough.” Your raised voice finally seemed to break their murderous concentration on one another. “You don’t get to ask questions. But you can answer mine.”

His energy changed immediately. “Anything you want to know. I’ve only ever been honest with you.” A flicker of a glare over your shoulder. “But your bodyguard will have to leave.”

You could feel Din reach for his blaster. No, not the blaster… that was on the other side of his hip. 

You spun, a hand on his own to halt him. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.” There was a beat of silence as he considered. Rage, violence, bloodlust. This wasn’t Din; there was nothing of the man you knew in him. This was The Mandalorian.

“You don’t open the gate; you stay away from the bars.” His voice was hushed, steady, lethal. “He tries anything, or you sense anything, you call for me.” You nodded. Still, he hesitated. 

“I’ve got this.” You ran a thumb under the edge of his glove, over the soft skin of his inner wrist. Over the pulse point. It was jumping rapidly, a sign of him. “Go.”

With what you could tell was one more glance at the man behind you, he turned, footfalls heavy, and made his way back up the steps. Before he could disappear from sight, the man spoke. 

“Good. Now we can stop pretending.” You knew Din had heard it. He was egging him on. Did he not understand that you were the only thing stopping Din from shoving the saber through his throat? Or maybe that was the whole point.

Without Din’s protective presence, you instantly felt more unpredictable. You needed a moment to calm, recenter yourself. You paced in a circle. However, the Imp had other plans.

“So, this is the company you’re keeping nowadays? Bounty hunters and criminals?”

Focus. Don’t get carried away.

“You understand it, right? They’re not on our level. Nowhere near it. Completely inferior. I suppose it’s my own fault for letting you go.”

Letting you go. As if you hadn’t tried to remove his head from his shoulders in your fight for an escape pod.

“Won’t you say something? As much as I’m glad you’re okay, I’m not overly fond of the hospitality here and would like for us to get going as soon as possible.”

What?

“You think I’m going anywhere with you?” You practically hissed it. Only once he smiled did you realize you had given him what he wanted… engagement.

His head tilted. “Aren’t you? What life do you have here, amongst the rabble?”

You have one. You have one. A place, a purpose.

“Don’t you remember?” You hate his smile. You could slice lines up his face, from the corners of his mouth to his hairline. “You were made to serve.”

There’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop the onslaught of memories, the mere utterance of those words enough to shake them loose. Even through the haze of repression.

You’re shaking, so weak that you can barely keep your head from drooping. Your hands are tied with binders to the ceiling, so high that you have to rise on your toes to release the strain from your shoulder. A rib might be broken, maybe two. Not that it mattered; the droid would patch you up anyway. It always did, after every round, over and over and over…

“Let me go.” It was a pathetic wheeze, croaky and quiet.

Two of the men leer. “Sorry? What was that?” One caresses your face before rearing back and throwing a fist. You’ve numbed to the pain a bit, but you still feel the sharp sting of your own teeth cutting into the inside of your cheek. You lose purchase on the floor and hang, the impact brutal on your shoulders.

“Please.” You would beg, on your knees if you needed to. “Please, let me go.”

He’s there. Lifting your head with an iron grip on your chin. “And where would you go, dear?”

You have no ship, you can’t fly, your knowledge of planets is minimal. You have nowhere to go.

“What life could you have outside of this?” 

Your head is throbbing. You might pass out.

“This is your purpose. You were made to serve. Don’t ever forget that.”

Your vision goes black.

Perhaps it’s because you were squeezing your eyelids shut, trying so hard to block out the vivid recollection. You shook your head like a crazed person, grabbing at your scalp. Like you could feel the pain. The pounding ache of having been hit too many times. Oh maker, the pain.

Breathe. You’re out. Din’s just outside the stairwell. Listen. You can hear his heartbeat. He’s right there. Breathe with him.

He was solid as a stone when you sensed him, leaned against the wall. You wondered if he could hear—probably not. You could remember what it was like to kiss him, feel his skin against your own, his hair, trace the angles of his jaw. It was so recent, so fresh. Not like the other memories. You could forget the agony, replace it with pleasure. Softness and warm pressure. 

Your eyes opened in their natural hue. The Imp was clapping, a slow, sharp staccato. “Impressive. Is that a Jedi technique? Does it help to play pretend?”

Get the info. Get it done and get out. You took another deep breath.

“You answer my questions, or I walk.”

He didn’t reply, just assessed you. It wasn’t a yes, but it also wasn’t a no. But you could feel that he wanted to answer—or rather, he wanted to talk—but either way, he didn’t want you to leave. It was beyond unsettling.

“Have you found him?” Please no, please no, please—

“So, you believe me now?”

“No. I just want to make sure Palpatine stays dead.”

His smile was absolutely vile. “There are more ways than one to ensure that that doesn’t happen.”

He could be lying. Trying to extend his relevance, his usefulness. Half truths. Half answers. Always cryptic. You were so tired of this. Of the worry, the fear, of looking behind you anytime the light dimmed and the dark intensified, just in case.

You stepped closer. “What do you know?” 

There was a sparkle of crazed excitement in his eyes. “I know that it’s inevitable. There’s not a single thing you can do to stop it from happening. All you can do is be ready.”

“Ready for what?” But he was already on the uncontrolled ramble of a zealot.

“I’ve made you ready. I’ll be a hero. I’ll get what I was promised. We—”

“We what?” Every muscle in your body was tensing dangerously. Warning alarms. “What were you promised?”

“Look at you.” He was breathless. “You’re perfect. I crafted you—”

He believed it. All of it. It may be bullshit, but it was the truth from his tongue. There was a pain in your chest. You wouldn’t go back. Couldn’t. Because if he was right and Palpatine did come for you, you knew that Dinwouldn’t stand aside. Grogu wouldn’t. And you knew what he would do to them, what he would make you watch him do. Din was a powerful warrior, but he wouldn’t stand a chance against the Emperor. Palpatine would break him apart.

“What were you promised?” You didn’t notice the walls start to tremble. The loose sandstone start to fall in small puffs of dust.

“The Force. I was promised the Force.” His eyes were blown wide, rimmed with red. “We would be equals. We will be.”

Shaking. Your bones, your eyes, the very structure of the palace around you. “That’s not possible.”

“Times are changing. Why do you think Gideon wanted the child so badly?”

Grogu. Everything stilled. He looked triumphant.

“I could just kill you right now.”

“You won’t do that.” He reached an arm through the bars, as if he expected you to take his hand. “Because if you do, you prove me right. If you do, you become everything you insist you aren’t.”

That was it. That was all you could take. Because as you turned for the steps, blocking out the voice behind you, you knew that he had a point. You wanted to kill him. You wanted to take your time with it. Make it hurt. And what did that make you?

You made it to the top of the steps and turned the corner too sharply, bumping into a wall of beskar. He didn’t say a word, just held you. You couldn’t find the energy to hold him back. You were still seeing flashes of imagined images. His helmet, splattered with blood. The handsome head you were just starting to become familiar with severed from his broad shoulders. Grogu’s cry of anguish. There was something numbing about the information he had given, a sense of futility to every action you had taken and would take. What if none of it mattered?

“I’m going to get some air.” You pushed away from him, and he let you go.

He had seen you through many moods recently, but never such empty hopelessness. And he felt hollow himself, watching you walk away, because he had no idea what to say to make any of it better. Din could tell you what he believed, but this wasn’t up to him. There was, however, one thing he could do. Maybe it was petty and stupid, but Din descended the stone staircase with a muted smile on his face.

The Imp was facing the back wall of the Rancor pit, kicking at a pile of picked-clean bones in the corner. They might have been human; Din wasn’t sure. He must have heard the footfalls because he called out without turning: “Made up your mind that quickly?”

“Oh, my mind’s made up.” It was satisfying to catch him off guard. “My mind was made up the second she told me about you.”

“She told you, did she?” Din had no mind-reading abilities, but he could easily sense just how much this man despised him. And he had a nauseating hunch as to why. “What, exactly, did she tell you Mandalorian? I’m curious as to which parts she conveniently left out.” He pulled down the dirty collar of his uniform. “Did she tell you about this?”

You hadn’t. But he found himself smiling wider. The pale pink scar practically stretched from ear to ear. You had tried to slit his throat. Good girl.

“Did she tell you about how she slaughtered my men? How she left a trail of blood to the escape pod? She was still young then. She murdered them like animals. Did she tell you about that?”

Din crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He was actually quite enjoying this story.

“What about the choke? I doubt she’s learned to control it.” He cocked his head. “But, then again, maybe you’re into that sort of thing.”

Ah. “That’s it, isn’t it?” Din could tell he had struck a nerve. “It’s jealousy.”

“I don’t know what you’re—”

He pushed off, stepped forward a touch, into the light of the opening above. “You wish you were me. You wish she saw you the way she sees me. As an ally, a protector…” A vein was starting to bulge in the Imp’s forhead. “…a lover.” 

He threw a fist against the bars. “You’re fooling yourself, Mandalorian. You’re like a child holding a blaster. You have no idea how dangerous she is. She’s some pretty girl to you… a trophy.” He spat at Din’s feet. “You make me sick.”

Struck a nerve. He had to laugh, though it was humorless. He still believed in your superiority, truly; next to him you were practically royalty. But you had chosen him… and that was enough. His riduur. 

He pondered for a moment, about telling the Imp of the vows you had made last night, the depth of them. If only just to piss him off. But it was none of his business. He didn’t need to prove himself. So instead, he said: “You’re going to die here. And maybe she won’t be the one to kill you, but if she doesn’t then I will. And if she doesn’t want me to, then Fett will, or Shand. You won’t leave this palace alive; you’ll bleed out in that cell. That’s a promise.”

“What’s your point, Mandalorian?”

“My point is that I suggest you make peace with the things you did to an innocent girl.” He turned to leave. “And I sincerely hope you don’t believe in the afterlife.”

It was a scorching day on Tatooine, but you had been lucky enough to catch an edge of the rounded palace walls that welcomed both shade and a light breeze. It was there that you had sat for the past hour, staring out over the dunes, lost in an endless free fall of thoughts.

Since the day you escaped and crashed onto Sorgan, you had taken part in a never-ceasing internal battle between light and dark. Trying to prove to yourself that you weren’t the culmination of your history. And this—the decision to kill him or leave him alive—it played directly into that conflict. He was right. But he had to die. And it was no one’s responsibility but your own.

You heard him coming, you always did. But Din still didn’t say a word, just sat cross-legged to your left. You were both silent for a long time, the hiss of shifting sand the only sound. But you eventually leaned closer, like magnets drawn together, until your head met his shoulder.

“He’s right, you know. About me.”

“Bantha shit.”

“Din…”

He straightened and you moved your head, already loathing the loss of contact. “No. Stop. You don’t get to do this now. I know you.”

“You know who I am since I met you, that’s different.” You pulled at your scalp in frustration. “Who I was before, the things that I did—”

“You did to survive. You didn’t have a choice. With me, you do.”

“So then what about the Weequay in Mos Eisley? The crystal, Din. And on the Razor Crest when I had that nightmare, and you woke me?”

“Stop it.” His tone was harsh in a way you hadn’t heard from him very often. “I have never…” He trailed off, voice straining. “I have never met anyone like you. Who acts for others, cares so strongly, even after what you’ve been through.” You can hear his shaky inhale. “Cyare, you’re a fucking miracle.”

You were trying so damn hard to keep your bottom lip from trembling.

“Killing him won’t change that. It won’t change a damn thing. Not to me.” He cupped your jaw, turning it to face him. “You’re still you. You always will be.” A light laugh. “Even with yellow eyes.”

You managed a smile through the few tears that had already fallen. He wiped at one with a gloved thumb.

“He might be right about some things, but the depth of your character is not one of them.”

That got your attention.

“What do you mean?” He didn’t reply. “Din. What did he say to you?” 

He kept stroking a thumb absentmindedly over your cheekbone. When he finally spoke, it was only a breathy whisper. “You are. Above me. I don’t deserve to touch you; I don’t even deserve to breathe your air.” It felt like you were being gutted. “I don’t deserve to want you. He’s right about that.” He huffed a mirthless laugh. “As if I could even help it.”

Oh, stars. What a fucking pair the two of you made, both so convinced you were unworthy of the other. It was almost hilarious. “This is stupid,” you said as if it was an epiphany. “That is so stupid.” You punched him, square on the breastplate. He barely even moved, but your hand hurt so badly that you had to shake it out.

That eclipsed your problems. Din Djarin, singlehandedly responsible for teaching you to trust again, for bringing you back from the brink maker knows how many times, for making you feel love and pleasure so strong it burned a hole in your chest. He thought himself unworthy of you.

“I’m going to kill him.” Din’s helmet cocked to one side at your quick change of heart. “And then I’m going to show you why that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”

“I love you.” Those three words, the way they rolled off his tongue, crackled through the vocoder, they were so charged with emotion that they singed through you like a blaster bolt.

He stood and then offered a hand down. “Do you want me with you?” You took it, rising to your feet and brushing sand off of your trousers.

“Yes. Please.” Always.

He only nodded. Waited for you to make the first move. And when you finally stepped ahead of him, walking back to the mouth of the palace, he had a hand on the small of your back, as if he knew the depth of comfort that it offered.

You didn’t want to keep looking over your shoulder. Because you would. If you left him alive now, no matter where the three of you went in the galaxy, there would always be the possibility of him looming, of Palpatinelooming, just around the corner. And it wasn’t just about you. This was about keeping Grogu safe too. And you would do absolutely anything to protect him, even if it meant… whatever it meant.

The roughly hewn rock cavern was cool, mercifully. Though it did little to stifle the heat of your nerves, the sweat rolling between your shoulder blades. The clamminess of your hands. Din stayed a few paces behind.

“So, what’s it going to be?” His ability to remain unruffled in the face of possible death was almost admirable. You throat was too dry to reply, so you focused instead on the gate control panel. It rose up with an unpleasant screech. You could see him assessing your own features, Din’s stance. He didn’t believe you would do it, but he was smart enough to realise he wasn’t escaping.

“Really?” His eyebrows rose. “You’re going to make him do it for you? At least have the decency to kill me yourself.” A last ditch attempt. If only he knew that your mind was made up. You reached a hand behind you, not taking your eyes off the Imp. You weren’t taking any chances. Din understood; he always did.

But you had expected the blaster. A single shot to the head and it would be over. That wasn’t what Din handed you. The handle was smooth, heavier than you expected, all sharp angles and cool steel. Harsh? Maybe. But people had been known to survive a blaster bolt. 

It ignited smoothly. You swung it low, experimental. The blade hummed in response.

And suddenly there was fear—real fear—in his eyes. And oh, how it made your blood sing. 

“You won’t.” I sounded like he was trying to convince himself. He gaped at you, mouth opening and closing, searching desperately for words that might spare his worthless life. “He’ll come for you!”

You advanced, rolling the darksaber’s hilt in your grasp. Palms slick with sweat. “You’re delusional.” You wish you believed it more. There was no fanfare, no grand moment. You drove the darksaber through his chest without pause, without hesitation. And it didn’t feel wrong. It didn’t feel evil. You were glad to see the light leave his eyes. But the words he uttered in his last breaths would stay with you for a long time, rousing you from nightmares for years to come.

“The master… needs an apprentice.”

You looked majestic holding the saber. It didn’t seem as heavy for you as it did for him, perhaps because you were already used to the weight of power. Din felt pride swell in his chest like a blooming flower.

The symbolism that the Imp had put upon his own death was bullshit, but he had known it would affect you, cloud your judgement. The truth? It was that he deserved to die, brutally, and that regardless of who made the killing blow, it was justified. Din only thought, fleetingly, that it was too easy. That he deserved a slower demise, more painful. That perhaps your actions had even been merciful. Maker knows that if Din had been the one to do it, his methods may have blanched even Fett’s already Sarlacc-bleached skin.

He had crumpled to the floor, the edges of his wound glowing slightly as the skin cauterized. You were heaving, lost in the moment of death. So he brought you back, and hand on your elbow snaking to your hand, helping you to extinguish the darksaber. You let it happen, leaned into his touch. Turned to him and smiled, because it was over, because this time he wasn’t coming back. He loved being the one to center you. That smile was haunted, tinged with some far-reaching darkness that he knew wouldn’t pass easily. But it wouldpass. With time.

“Let’s go get our kid.” 

You nodded, and he watched the stiffness ease from your shoulders. You looked tired. So tired. Din pulled you into his chest.

“It’ll be okay.” He would burn the galaxy down to ensure it.

You went to take a shower. You had stumbled over your words, trying to explain why. Din had stopped you, knowing the reason innately, having experienced it himself. A need to wash the deed off, to clean the blood that hadn’t even stained your hands. He sought out Fett while you were gone, thanked him, refueled the Crest. 

They were both quiet as they worked, a lack of words available to describe what they wished to say. Finally, Boba broke the silence.

“Take care of her. Protect her. She needs you. They both do.” 

Din nodded in acknowledgement, not trusting himself to speak stably. Boba seemed to catch on quite easily, stopping his tinkering with one of the hull’s new outer panels. 

“I know what it’s like… to feel like you don’t deserve happiness. After everything you’ve done.” Din stilled, hand hovering over the fuel tank lid. “Learn to be selfish sometimes, Djarin. It’s the one thing you’ll never regret.” 

Fett didn’t wait for a reply, clapping him once on the back before moving to exit the hanger. “You’ve always got a landing pad with us. Don’t forget that.” His murmur of thanks came too late; Boba had already left.

The shower had only half helped, but seeing Din again, bent over and fussing with wiring, was much more effective.

“Need a hand?” He jumped a little; you must have been too quiet on approach. “Sorry.”

He rose to full height, and you shrunk under what you could tell was an assessing look, even with the helmet. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now.”

 His head tilted. “Be honest with me, please.”

You sighed, because of course he could read you. “I’ll be okay.” He was too quiet, probably running through ideas of how to put a smile on your face. The idea of it was enough to do just that. You swore that you could see his stature loosen. “Let me help with the cables. Your hands are too big.” You swatted Din to the side, crouching over the panel he had been studying.

“The ramp’s been fussing. I came in too hard when I landed, probably shorted something. And the cockpit door doesn’t close. Um. It’s dented.” You knew why. But the information made you study him, looking up into the dark T of the visor. Fennec had told you briefly about how he had practically stormed the palace, leaving a trail of incapacitated Gamorreans in his wake in his rush to get to the throne room. ‘Panicked,’ Shand had said. You had never seen him panicked before, even when the kid had been taken. Always cool and calculated.

Wires momentarily forgotten, you rose steadily and circled your arms around his middle, cheek resting against that divot in his breastplate. He stiffened at the suddenness of your movement. 

“Thank you. I haven’t said it… I don’t say it nearly enough.” His body felt nice in the circle of your arms, warm and sure and real. You could feel the shudder of his inhale as he hugged you back.

You had pushed your boundaries with him recently, physically. But this… the simplicity of being able to curl your arms around each other, share breath, feel his heartbeat on the other side of a beskar plate, and know what it meant; you wouldn’t trade it for a single thing. 

And to think that you thought you might never experience this. Such an all-consuming type of love, a fierce protectiveness, a family. 

Maybe the stories had been right; perhaps the stars did align sometimes.

Even with all the events of the day, Din and you were early to Mos Eisley. The suns were getting low, but only enough to cast that warm reddish glow upon the sand. You both sat on the ship’s extended ramp, looking out towards the street. It regaled you with memories of only a few days prior. And how impossible it seemed that so much had happened in such a short period of time. 

Din had kissed you before opening the Crest, once… twice… more times than you could count. Your lips felt swollen, but you doubted you would ever get enough of him. The crowds were getting louder as spectators made their way back from the podracing track, their ruckus travelling into the landing bay and echoing off the walls. It was… nice. Really nice. One thing could make it perfect.

A shrill cry stood out over the commotion. One that you knew all too well. He tried his best to run towards you, short legs tripping over the long fabric of his cloak. You and Din met him halfway, scooping him up from the sand, dusting it off his clawed feet. Grogu cried out in joy, and you tried and failed to stop the wave of emotion before it crested. Because from him you felt such love that it bore a hole straight through your heart. Love and happiness and bone-crushing relief. 

“He was worried about us,” you told Din, laughing through blurred vision. You were holding the child in your arms, and Din was holding you in his. Grogu messed with your earlobe with one clawed hand, and the fabric of Din’s cowl with the other. 

So this was what home felt like.

“We’re good, Grogu. We’re okay.” Din was fussing with his ears, such a tender motion. “Hope you minded your manners, kid.”

Peli’s high pitched voice cut through the moment. “Well, what am I? Chopped liver?” All three of you looked up at the same time.

The tiny woman had both hands on her hips, a fond smirk across her lips. She closed the distance between you. “Kid’s an absolute joy. A menace… but a joy. You two sure you don’t have any more galaxy-wide adventures you need to take care of?”

Din squeezed your waist. “We’re on sabbatical. Extended leave.” 

She nodded in appreciation. “Good. Take them both somewhere real nice then. Five-star resort, renowned chefs, the works.” She muttered under breath: “Maker knows you can afford it.”

Grogu cooed. You wondered if he was starting to recognize the word chef, given its association with his absolute favourite word, food.

“Something like that,” Din answered. You hadn’t really discussed you plans to follow this, your priority having been getting the kid back. It didn’t matter too much to you, not really, not as long as you had the two of them at your side. 

He had already punched in the coordinates when you came up behind him, Grogu on your shoulder, your hand on his own.

“Can I ask something of you?” You were wearing the vambraces. He was momentarily speechless, forgetting you had just posed a question. They fit perfectly. He wondered, awestruck, just how the Armourer did it. She had once said that each piece speaks of its wearer as she strikes it into shape. He wondered if she saw you.

Beautiful. And all his. 

“Din?”

“Anything you want.” His voice was breathy, caught off guard. Your bashful smile was heavenly. He wanted to kiss you… kiss the beskar… fuck you with nothing but the gauntlets on. Grogu squawked sharply at the both of you, as if to say ‘Get on with it.’ 

You laughed, before the smile faded into something more muted. Apprehension, curiosity.

“I want…” You fiddled with the tattered edge of his cape, toying with a hole in it, taking a deep breath before meeting his eyes again. “I want to go see Skywalker.”

“I thought you might say that.” He noted your look of well-camouflaged surprise. “There’s a box for you in hull storage, when you’re ready.” He knew that you knew what was in it. He was going to get choked up if you kept looking at him like that. Din spun back around to face the dash. “I’ve got to redo my calculations now.”

“I’m sorry.” He had to smile at the dismayed tone of your voice.

He was quick to reassure. “Don’t be. It’s the right choice. I’m proud of you.” He let the words settle and it was quiet in the cockpit for a time, apart from Grogu’s occasional babble, which was starting to sound concerningly more like actual words. Maker, forbid.

As he circled Tatooine and emerged into the inky blackness of space, you asked: “Where were we going to go?”

He grinned under the helmet. “I’d rather keep that a surprise for now, if that’s alright with you?” You probably knew anyways; you could probably guess.

You slept with him.

Not like that; you were both a little apprehensive with Grogu only metres away. The pram was closed, as was the door to the cot, but it was still new. Simply sharing a bed with Din, however, was just as nice.

He snored—albeit lightly—but it made you smile. He had tugged the helmet off once the kid was asleep and had let you run your fingers through his tamped-down hair. He had said you were fussing. You had told him to shut it. So he had fallen asleep with his head on your lap, a broad hand curled over your knee. He had bent his spine at an impossible angle, but you could wake and shift him as soon as you put this damn datapad down.

You were looking up Luke Skywalker, ‘doing your homework,’ as Din had said earlier in a gruff and sleepy voice. However, it had only worsened your nervousness. He was a hero, known across the galaxy for his role in the defeat of the Empire… of the Emperor. He stood against everything you were taught, a figure of unyielding good in the face of what was once impending darkness. Practically a deity. Would he loathe you? Because you might remind him of his past, what he fought against, what he lost. Or would he be sympathetic? Vader was his father, after all. Would he understand corruption, a turn to the dark for survival, because there was no other choice? Would he see you as someone who could be redeemed?

You sighed, sweeping a hand across your face. Your vision was starting to go unfocused, eyelids getting heavy as you fought against your own fatigue.

“Put it down,” he mumbled, squeezing your knee. “I can hear you overthinking; it woke me up.”

That made you laugh. “No, it didn’t. Liar.”

Din grunted and rose on his elbows, plucking the tech from your hands and depositing it in the makeshift hammock above. He then grabbed you by the hips and dragged you down, until you were flat on your back. You yelped. “Sleep.” It was a command.

You couldn’t have resisted even if you wanted to. Because he had caged you into him, arms winding around your waist and tightening. You melted to fit his body.

“Love you.” It was barely intelligible, just a string of syllables muttered into your neck, but it was enough. More than enough. It was everything.

“I love you, Din,” you replied. He hummed in satisfaction.

You left your worries behind for another night.

Taglist: @that-girl-named-alex @aavengingbucky @prismaticpizza @blub-senpai @a-phan-of-youtube @jaguarthecat @lizajane3 @come-hell-or-eldren-fire @graciexmarvel @soobinsrose @simply-maggie @alwaysdjarin @minky77 @tinytinturtle @tae27 @groguspicklejar @slightlyuglierbeyonce-blog @willow-t @abbyhaslongshorts @andrewshotspot @racetrackheart @leithatnight @messageinadaisy @lostinsideourminds @wren-2-d @goth-cowgir1 @aphterthoughtt @sleeplessskeleton @teawrites01 @dashlilymark @imherefordeanandbones @sunshine96 @kalea-bane @http-onie @focusedarrow @tremendum

[clatoera]

Hi! I just saw your reply from the anon asking about your thg story! I'm not usually one to send asks or even post on tumblr (never was tbh), but this just hit so close I felt the need to say, me too! That's why I followed you initially, I just gasped at your bio and thought "there's more people like me on here!" and pressed follow!

I too was that insufferable 14 year old. I could not get away with wearing any form of braided hairstyle without being teased that I was trying to be Katniss (I probably was half the time haha). My friends, family, school teachers, everyone knew I was obsessed with the Hunger Games.

It fizzled out gradually for me too. I think it was just the natural progression with the films coming to an end etc etc. It never left though, obviously.

I re read the books before reading the prequel. I'm so with you on these books being a whole different experience now that we're closer to Finnick's age than Katniss and Peeta's. 16 seemed so so old to me, so imagine what i thought of characters like Finnick and Johanna. I can't even comprehend having gone through something like they did at my age now, let alone at 16.

I think back then, the main draw for me was definitely Katniss and Peeta's relationship. It still is one of my favourite things about the books, but after rereading them and the prequel, I agree that there is so much we missed, just by simply being too young to fully comprehend it. I find that I now have a larger interest in the political scope of everything and just the world in general (like...how tf did they rebuild the whole country after mockingay? need to discuss!!)

anyway, sorry for the long "ask". i'm so excited to see another tumblr returner on here! i've been coming back every so often to get content for other things i love, and have only recently taken the plunge and become a little more active.

I suppose there is a sense of shame a lot of us were made to feel about liking the things we like and coming on the internet to form passionate communities around it. I feel the same, it very much is a service to my teen self to come on here and find joy in rediscovering the things I love as well as using this site to explore my new interests. A reclamation, I suppose. I'm a bit more confident now. Back then, I would never, ever have sent asks or made my own posts. I think my 14 year old self is very happy for me, for this little

hope you're having a good day/night, whatever time, where ever you are in the world! :)

Hi hello! I read this as soon as it came in this morning, and wanted to respond, but wanted to be sure to give it the enthusiastic and lengthy response it deserved, that my brain could not formulate at 4 am when I read it.

I am so glad others feel the same. I remember in the early days, I was on Tumblr ( my main blog has existed since 2012 lol), but not active in fandom spaces. I was a fanfic writer. And on Facebook I was REALLY active in fandom and was literally participating in like..Hunger Games RP in Facebook comments. Wild. I was so into it.

Whats really settled with me, as a 25 year old woman, is like..the way mentors had to feel. My baby brother is 17 years old. He is a baby to me. He is just a child to me. I cannot imagine being Johanna or Finnick or Annie, mentoring at my age (or younger, actually), to kids my brothers age. Teenagers feel like Kids and I feel such an immense sisterly, guiding, mentor-ly role to them. Even college kids, I've been a mentor for pre-medicine students in my sorority for years, and those 18 year olds vs me, at 25? massive difference. I cannot imagine watching someone my little brother's age fight to the death. I cannot imagine someone my baby cousin's age, who is 12, fighting someone my brother's age. I cannot imagine watching someone my brother's age lead a war, lead a rebellion, and go through the things Katniss does. I can only imagine the horrors the past Victors learned to feel, and the emotions attached to their tributes every year.

more things that I am horrified by?

Katniss and Peeta. 16 years old. About to be MARRIED in the Capitol.

Gale, 18, working in the mines.

Again, Katniss and Peeta, with the (albeit fake) baby. 17 with a child? I remember being 16 years old, my best friend in the world had a baby. I was there. I remember watching her become a mother far too young, and I have watched ever since the way she has struggled and what it did to her mental health. Two 16/17 year old kids, having a baby, is a horror that should be addressed beyond what I at 16 thought it was. I was so team yes let there be a baby! as a child. But now? Now I see the horror of that. I Have delivered the babies of girls that age. I have held their hands as they are alone in the world. I'm going into a field specifically to help girls and women, in this position especially.

I think to that letter Plutarch wrote Katniss, where he literally says he would put her all through it again for the same outcome.

The youth of these tributes is haunting. If there were capitol doctors around they would be pediatricians. Let that sink in. The things these Victors would need is a pediatrician (also a psychiatrist and a surgeon probably).

Please message me (anyone can actually to talk about this) to talk about these things. The hidden horrors that are missed at 15, that stare you in the face as you reexamine as an adult. I'd love to talk about it in depth. I'd love to talk about how it has shaped me.

But seriously HMU because I want to talk about that most mockingjay rebuilding :)

[oakgreenoak]

Number 1,3 and 4 for the ask game?

1. the character everyone gets wrong

H2G2 – UGHHHH. FORD. FORD PREFECT. Even Eoin Colfer and the damned film couldn’t write him correctly. He’s not a dumbass, he’s intelligent and quick-witted. He’s so much more integral to the story and the soul of hhg than just being Arthur’s drunk bestie who gets him to space. He’s LITERALLY the deuteragonist.

Pokemon – Hot take but Professor Oak gets done so dirty so much in gameverse fic leave that old man alone he’s hilarious

MHA – people so often go two very incorrect ways with Bakugou. they either act like hes literal satan and the worst character in the series (because being a middle school bully is more irredeemable than actual murder, or child/spousal abuse,) or they act like hes actually just a misunderstood little meowmeow and noo he bullied deku to PROTECT him you don’t get it. both of these are annoying as shit to me and unfortunately hes my favourite character so i see a lot of it

3. description or screenshot of the worst take you’ve seen on tumblr

I answered this per fandom in another ask so Im gonna say the generally most baffling fandom Take I’ve witnessed firsthand is that profic author that published a manifesto about why good omens season 2 was bad on purpose because heaven spiked aziraphales coffee or some shit

4. last straw that made you finally block that annoying person

Untagged transman mpreg art after so long of being vaguely Weird about constantly feminising the character hced as a transman and also being generally insufferable.

Actually i was being vague but fuck it this was reguri and it's the same person who made the shit pokemon Tumblr take from my previous post lmao. Those facts are extra insufferable together bc it's like my guy you are constantly drawing Green in femme clothes and feminising him in every way but pronouns but you're gonna bitch abt people straight out genderbending him? are you sure you aren't just mad bc that's what you wanna do but you dont wanna lose progressive tumblr clout by doing a hetbend? i see you bitch

[angels-are-sinning]

cracks knuckles oH FUCKING BOY

TOMMYIRLEY ???SIMONRILEY!??MR RILEY !!! cw for mentions of abuse child neglect and sa.. i amsorry

i REALLY really like this interpretation of him .. it makes a lot of sense and honestly. SO FUCKING REAL with the generational trauma with mr riley to simon riley. i do genuinely think that there is a long line of that fatherly hatred that he was sadly unfortunately doomed to follow and perhaps simon is fated to break. ((IF we allow him a happy ending but activison said his bloodline is dying with him so.)) i guess his absence in his son's lives and his attempt at avoiding it at All costs is probably also because he doesn't like. being vulnerable. and commitment.

these issues are also soon developed by simon funnily enough. hating vulnerability. feeling exposed. scared. afraid to commit. but i guess simon's line of thinking is that he's afraid of commitment, because what if he loses everything again? or i guess when he's a teenager and his family isn't 6 feet under, what if he becomes his father? angst.y.

but i guess for mr riley in my headcanon differs. he's not afraid of it, per se. he doesn't like commitment because he's genuinely fucking clueless and stupid. when it comes to emotional availability and stuff. his upbringing in a very controlling household made him lash out and bratty but also . you know. if you're genuinely as insane as i am i like to think he's also a victim of child sa with his father being. very involved with him. but dealt with it in perhaps the worst coping mechanism(s) possible which can be either Drugs (though i don't like this route personally) and Avoiding Dealing With The Problem. i really like the sa route because it's . it makes sense that he would want to be as little involved with his children as possible and is generally really uncomfortable (he will not admit it) and a general disinterest in intimacy.

still i think he also fears to want to be involved with his children. to care. it makes him .. i don't think it's because he's generally Just Abusive and an asshole he's just super fucked. he doesn't really know what love is or know how to properly care for someone, nonetheless his own children. because of his father's bad example and his mother basically letting him do whatever. (i like to think his mother died pretty early on from a lobotomy. because lobotomies were really prevalent back then. and also i like to Think that it was because his mum was depressed and that was just the go to on how uncaring husbands treated their sad housewives. back then. which kind of affected how he views women, and his own wife in particular.)

i do think he's just generally super fucking stupid and clueless and his emotional intelligence is just below the earths crater. i like to think he Tried to be involved with simon once which was why he brought simon to that club with the rock music. but well that went nowhere. like he tries but he really shouldn't. like for his childrens' sake he should Not attempt it.

it also ties into the "got out of the house as SOON as possible" which made him cut off from his family or whatever (i always like to think he eloped with mrs riley against his parents wishes but then he proved his father right all along with how the relationship fizzled out and now their family is doomed. ahahha. which could also make him Extra insufferable.)

for mrs riley though my own feelings differ. i think that simon and tommy both have the, "i hate my mother but i understand her i just wish things weren't so difficult for us" and the "i hate my father fuck that guy." simon doesn't exactly hate his mother though i just put that there because its word for word on that one instagram post.

he sympathises with her a lot, but i Like to be silly about it and make simon a mama's boy which leads to Favouritism with their mum generally being more affectionate with simon (also because she feels bad) with tommy usually being left in the sidelines. its sad to think about. but i dont think she does it because she's a bad person but because she's generally just tired and simon looks at her like she's everything to him and tommy. tommy doesn't. because she never really was there for tommy when he was born , it was just simon. so his mum was a fleeting figure in his life. his life was just . Simon. simon raised him, simon cares for him. that's all that matters to tommy.

(he's also a liar he definitely craves love and attention but can't get it from his dad or his mum so he tries it with simon. leading to very unfortunate events.)

however even with how much of an avoidant, emotionally absent figure mr riley is i do think at Some level he tries to care for his wife. i like to think he cooks whenever he's home and that mrs riley can only cook the bare basics--but she never really has time to do that from her work so its always takeout for dinner and stuff if mr riley is absent. simon eventually tries to learn to cook for tommy but he sucks at it and can only really cook instant noodles and fried eggs. their dad buys a hotpot in a rare case of attempted affection where you can just throw ingredients in it.

here's where i am Going to be stoned because this is just me being fucking silly/insane about mr riley because these are all just. me Having fun and making stupid little headcanons

you clicked on it.. okay well you asked for it so don't blame me. i don't think mr riley is physically abusive. well i mean. on paper.because he doesn't like to involve himself with his children, right. so that means he Actually just is absent and doesn't try to communicate with them or whatever. bad grades? doesn't affect him, so inflicting punishment on them to him is also like Being involved and he doesn't really care/want for that. however, when they do something stupid which affects him? yeah, to the trashbin. he'd probably berate them but that's Emotional abuse. not physical. i also don'tthinkhe's strong enough to be physically abusive lmao he's a fucking twink. some plate smashing does happen though. but never on their faces.

so to Me his main crimes are emotional abuse and emotional neglect. i do think sometimes mrs riley hits her children, but "out of love". quotation marks. she always cries and kisses them afterwards, aftercare and stuff, she just thinks they Need to learn consequences and whatever. i don't think simon or tommy really cared for it after growing up. they can forgive their mother. their father though, maybe not..,.

i Like to also think that mrs riley definitely gets very bad emotionally when she eventually breaks and has a downward spiral when simon leaves for the army. obviously tommy's the youngest so he's still there, but simon was her favourite. so she has a really bad state of mind and doesn't really think straight - drugs and alcohol are her main coping mechanisms. because i am also insane this is where Mr and Mrs riley's roles switch--suddenly mr riley is Not the absent parent (which he is Not happy with) and mrs riley is (because she genuinely cannot care for tommy in her state of mind.) i am very normal about this part, of course, and have not written anything regarding it. i am also a liar.

for a highschool setting, au if you will, what upbringing do you think the 141 would have? im really curious to know what you think of personally :)c

oooooh!! to be completely honest, i didn't have any concrete ideas i could put into words before seeing this ask so this is gonna be two things: completely unresearched and based solely off of vibes

i have to emphasise i am clueless about UK demographics. i am still researching (snail pace) but i didnt want to make you wait :(

i'm big on soap growing up lower middle class catholic with siblings. to me, he's a classic middle child - he may have naturally felt a bit neglected and jealous of his younger sibling as a kid, but he gets over it once he hit hits teens.

his parents are warm and welcoming people, but there is a little awkwardness when it comes to queer topics as well as johnny's neurodivergence. they're fully supportive of his endeavors in sports and entertain his interest in engineering. although awkwardly at first, johnny was encouraged to be upfront about his emotions and opinions (which fired back terribly during his teens, but led to more open conversations later). his parents do remind him to mind his manners often though.

his relationship with his siblings can be a bit tumultuous, especially with the youngest, but ultimately he would give his life for them. there's a lot of roughousing involved, but also caring touches, hugs, pats on the back, doing eachothers hair, helping with makeup and so on. johnny grew up with lots of affectionate physical touch from both his parents and siblings.

johnny has always struggled with the catholicism bit though. his parents aren't strict about faith by any means, but there are unspoken expectations that he sometimes has trouble with. he learned early that his grandparents should see him as nothing but masculine and ready for marriage, lest all hell broke loose.

ghost gets the unfortunate working class dysfunctional household in every universe. i am so sorry my boy. he always gets the irresponsible and ungovernable dad and the tortured madonna mum.

his dad doesn't really know what to do with a kid or how to tend to its needs and doesn't have enough emotional capacity to learn. as a person, i think deep down he is really scared to care. he thinks it makes him vulnerable - his own dad (simons grandfather) was a mean patriarch, controlling, while his mum was emotionally absent. he got out and rebeled as fast as possible, but that left him with knowing nothing but fear, anger and tricks.

he "lets" the mum do the housework and take care of the kids after her shift. simon grows up seeing his mum work herself to the bone taking care of them, including his dad. unlike his brother, tommy, simon finds himself taking his mothers side and offering to help her. he grows more and more disgusted with his father as time goes on. tommy just tries to shut it out and escape it for the most part, but there are exceptions when he won't.

the mum tries her best to provide food, clean clothes and a smile for her children, but there's a backdrop of grief to it all. they used to hug and comfort eachother, but that stopped when simon hit puberty and closed himself off physically. simon sees her suffering and it angers him, but he splits that anger in half and aims it at his dad and himself.

the trauma bond simon and tommy have makes tommy irreplaceable in simons life. unlike simon, tommy has insane charisma and a desperate need to self-sabotage, and this combo more often than not brings him amongst the worst groups in the neighbourhood. simon makes his disapproval known often and tries to be a positive force in tommys life, which doesn't always work out.

at home, whenever the opportunity arises, tommy tries to take the abuse instead of simon, who will (as a teen) openly fight his dad. tommy doesn't mind sitting down and taking it in an effort to make it end faster.

i personally can't help but see price as an only child in an upper middle class family. albeit very disciplined, he's used to getting his way and tends to hold grudges when someone opposes him, and he has a talent for finding loopholes in rule systems.

his dad and mum divorced in his preteens due to his mum having cheated. although it was an amicable divorce (at least to outsiders' eyes), it did leave an impression on young john and a doubt in his mind about love and marriage.

his parents decided to keep the cause of their divorce from him, and he visited his mum often up until his highschool years, when his mum let it slip. since then, his visits have been kept to a minimum, and he's grown bitter about her as she's tried to reach out multiple times. his mum feels extremely guilty for what she's done. she truly loves her son and john knows, but he can't help himself.

his dad would be a very stern and almost dictatorial person to him if it wasn't for the way he openly shows his love for his current wife. this also leaves a bitter aftertaste in his mouth, as he has never considered his dads second wife his "mum". they are good friends though, and they live together. his dad and her take interest in johns school life and get involved with the school itself often, which john doesn't mind much, because it gets him a foot in the door with the teachers.

he was raised manners first, so it doesn't show, but he has a healthy disrespect for authority. he often prefers to corner his superiors with malicious compliance rather than rebel outright. he's not selfish however - he has a strong moral code of his own, which contradicts itself at times, but he is very stubborn about it - and just like his father, he's very loyal to people who have gained his respect, but quick to "dispose" of people who have lost it. it is difficult to gain his respect, and very easy to lose it.

gaz would come from a lower middle class catholic family as well as johnny, but unlike him, he doesn't feel as though he has many obligations towards god. after a stern talking to from his mum however, he keeps his opinions to himself.

his dad is exmilitary and kyle has witnessed the PTSD from a young age, along with his mum comforting his dad as well as she could. his dad would sometimes do self sabotaging things he'd regret, and once kyle became older, he took care of him in those moments along with his mum. the therapy helps, sometimes.

kyle has some trouble coming to terms with the love his dad still expresses for the military though, despite the aftermath. kyle knows his dad would really like it if kyle joined the military as well. his brain is swimming with stories of his dads military buddies and the "grand ol time" they had, and with the nights he spent up at the kitchen table hugging his dad back from a damn near suicide attempt.

most of the time though, his dad is a warm and friendly fellow who has many friends in the community and often likes to include his children in the activities. kyle grew up very popular among his peers.

his mum is very goal oriented and faithful, but rather emotionally stunted. she cares for her children and her husband very deeply, but she doesn't show it well in her daily life. she resorts to showing love through favours and food whenever she can. she loves to sit with them when they're having a difficult time and listen.

i think he has a younger sister, who he has a classic love hate sibling relationship with. she often annoys him about the boys in his class and introducing them to her maybe, and kyle tells her that she'd just get bullied. in reality, he's fiercely overprotective. not only towards her, but his entire family.

[merv606]

hello, love your abo verse <3 how did they meet? when did terry decide daniel was his omega? was daniel ever with an alpha before this? did daniel want children or did terry convince him? do they want any more kids? how long would terry wait before knocking daniel up again? does daniel like being pregnant or not?

Sorry this took so long! It required some thought.

Also, thanks so much 🥰

I’ll be honest, i’m not sure if you mean a post as I have no idea if I’ve posted anything about ABO on Tumblr lol

I’m terrible at keeping track of things or remembering HCs that I’ve shared or just thought about 😆

I assume you mean the story (You’re) Having My Baby and not Heir to My Father’s (Mis)Fortunes as the questions don’t seem to fit for the later.

The new one, Like Father, Like Daughter, is a WIP and I only moved Heat off Anon after this question so I’ll answer it for that.

If that’s not right, feel free to shoot another ask.

Not spicy just long 😆 questions seems to be more general than horny on main

I imagine they still met the same way, and that Terry recognized right away, from scent along that Daniel was his mate.

Called the whole thing off to claim the little omega as his rightful mate.

I’m a sucker for Daniel not realizing he’s an omega until he meets Terry - aka the right Alpha - which forces a heat so they can bond.

Also, there’s late presenting Omega - thinking he’s broken until he meets Terry and has a heat is also near and dear to my heart.

Terry of course would be insufferable about how he was the only Alpha to inspire that in Daniel.

So that thinking, Terry would be his first (and only).

But,

If Daniel was every with an alpha before, they were subpar and not the one for him. Inferior Alphas Terry calls them.

Daniel always wanted kids - just how he was for example, with the little girl he saved in KK2 - and to be honest Ralph is such a dad so it’s hard not to HC Daniel as anything but.

They want more. It’s one thing they were always in sync with - a big family.

Daniel is an only child and I imagine Terry was too so they want their child to have a sibling.

Terry regrets not breeding Daniel sooner and he’s so taken with his pregnant mate - all those changes are because of him after all - that I’d say as soon as the first baby is born and it’s safe, he’s going to set to work getting him with child.

I think once he accepts Terry’s help and the changes he’s going through, and realizes how much Terry loves it, then he embraces it to.

Although he sets down some rules in the beginning when Terry won’t let him lift a finger.

Terry doesn’t listen initially, until one night he puts the Alpha on his back and sinks down, riding them both to orgasm.

After that, Terry calms a bit on that front and doesn’t treat his mate like he’d made of glass.

He’s protective though - he was even before Daniel was pregnant - but now he’s that much more now and he will not budge on that. Daniel has to act like it doesn’t make him hot as hell. Terry can tell though, he can smell how wet Daniel gets.

Daniel hates the morning sickness, as does Terry. He hates not being able to make things right for his little mate, and to be honest the baby kicking is a weird feeling to him, although Terry loves nothing more than to have his hands on Daniel at all times, when possible, to feel it. Daniel finds it funny that the baby is always so active when Terry talks to them through his stomach.

His favourite thing is to sit in the V of Terry’s legs, back on his broad chest, as Terry rubs his belly and aching chest.

They both definitely love how insatiable Daniel is - I mean, he wants Terry all the time (and Terry wouldn’t let him out of bed if he had his way) and their sex life was nothing if not active before, but he’s been voicing his wants more, becoming the little power bottom Terry knew he could be.

Terry always gets up with Daniel when he has to feed the baby, not matter how late or early in the morning. In the quiet of the night especially, he sits and watches his mate tend to their baby. Sometimes Daniel is exhausted and half asleep if it’s been a difficult day, while Terry sings to their daughter.

He smiles softly when Terry takes the baby to burp her, marvelling always at how gentle the Alpha is with her, so small in his large hands, and watches him lay her in her crib before lifting Daniel up and helping him back to bed.

So yeah, even if there were some parts of the pregnancy he’s not eager to do again, he can’t argue the results.

[lostinornes]

Heavy Is the Head That Wears the Horns

Loki X F!Reader Fic

Asgardian Prince AU

I DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS MENTIONED

Hey !

Please enjoy the third chapter of Heavy Is the Head That Wears the Horns. Chapters 1 to 25 are all over on AO3 . We have just entered flashback territory, and two Loki POV chapters.

No Y/N and second person POV. Always open and welcome to ideas, suggestions and more.

Had Loki always been this insufferable. As a child sure, he liked to be a bit of a trouble maker, he knew exactly what to do to push anyone’s buttons. Even if it was someone he had just met, he could work out very quickly how to find his way under their skin. But you thought after some time apart he would enjoy actually spending time together again. “You’ll always be my favourite Loki” you mocked to yourself under your breath. Your hands flying up dramatically as a slight stomp found its way into your step. “Who does he think he is” You questioned aloud, as you pushed your way into the wash room. “Arrogant and cocky, could he be any worse!” You rested your hands either side of the wash basin, staring back at yourself in the mirror. Your eyes actively scanned the view in front of you, trying to work out the quickest way to hide the frustration so clearly painted on your face. A slight streak of light leaked into the room, that you would have never noticed if the door had not opened shortly after. Your hands quickly patted your cheeks, as you tried to flush the thoughts of that pain out of your mind.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought the washroom was vacant”

“Oh no, it is okay. I was just about to leave” You forced a small smile onto your face, before turning to the other female in the room.

“Those princes really are something” The other woman seemed to have a hint of frustration in her voice, her eyes scanning actively over your body as she tried to read your reaction.

“I guess…” You couldn’t help but have your interested peaked by this woman. She was dressed in a stunning black gown, little details of gold embellished across the bodice. Her dark hair was loosely pinned out of her face, and her lips painted in a bold dark red. But there was something unusual about her eyes, her face read as warm and welcoming but there was something else behind there. You could sense it.

“Thor truly is making such a fool of himself” You rested your body lightly against the basin, your arms crossed as you gave this figure your full attention.

“I know, but that Loki … I mean wow…” You watched as her face twisted from a sweet smile, slowly becoming more of a smirk.

“Wow? What does that mean?” Again, she pried into your statement, you could tell now she was clearly trying to draw information out of you.

“Wow” You stated back flatly. You pushed your body finally away from the support behind you. Now standing face to face with the woman in front of you. You saw confusion in her eyes now, as you steadily began to close the gap between yourselves. Slowly you leant in, your mouth now inches from her ear. “Wow, as in how could someone be so incredibly stupid to transform outside of the bathroom and not expect me to notice” You pulled away again, a grin planted on your face. This was the mood booster you needed. With that you pushed past her and made your way out to the hall. “Bye Loki” As you left, all you could hear was a loud “Shit” from behind the wooden door.

You quickly found your way back to Thor, he had returned to his original post high above the crowd. His hands frantically waving up to you, as you returned to the grand hall. After handling the royal prick, you couldn’t think of anything better than going back to the easy conversation you had with Thor.

“My lady” You felt your cheeks blush as he leant down and offered you his hand, helping you climb up the last few steps.

“Where have you been?”

“Your brother decided to follow me into the washroom” Confusion twisted its way into Thor’s brow, his eyes saying “Should I even ask you about this” as he nudged you in the side. “Nothing like that!” The words rushed out of your mouth quickly, at a speed almost hard to catch. But why would you ever want Thor to assume you had quickly run off to have a secret moment with his brother. As Thor nudged your side again, the halls doors opened again.

The golden horns glinting as they entered the room. “I have a theory” Thor mused aloud, tapping his finger slightly along his rough jaw. “Do you trust me?”

“Father did say tonight was about creating relations” You joked back light heartily. This was the man you would have to spend years working with to keep your kingdoms alive. You had no choice but to trust him.

“Perfect” His voice drenched in excitement, as his arms quickly made his next movement. Within seconds you found his arm resting lightly on your hip, as his hand gently pulled you closer to his body. “I am going to count to five” His breath was hot on your shoulder, as the numbers started to fall from his lips.

“What are you doing?” Before he could even answer, you felt another presence join you both.

“Brother” Thor cheered, pulling him into his arms as well. “Isn’t it nice for the three of us to be reunited again”

“You two seem to truly be relishing in it” Loki spat back, shoving his brother off of him with all of his might.

“You followed me into the washroom?” You questioned, now moving from under Thor’s arm.

“You can’t prove that”

“I can’t, but I do know that I would much rather be in the company of the Lady from the washroom. She seemed fun” You could see him cough slightly, as your words caught him off guard. With that you knew your work was done. “I think it is time I took my leave” With that you planted a light kiss on Thor’s cheek and offered Loki a halfhearted handshake. “Until next time” As you made your way to your father, you could hear Thor’s laughter at the low grumbles coming from his brother. You knew your work had been done for the evening.

[capseycartwright]

but at the cost I payed, I'm pretty sure I got screwed

buck wasn't exactly sure how to process the fact he'd been lied to, his entire life - that his parents had forced maddie to keep such a fundamental part of his past, his life, from him. but - at least he wasn't alone.

or - eight conversations between buck and his true family as he comes to terms with the existence of the brother he never knew he had. set post 4x04

ao3 link

i. albert

Buck had forgotten that Albert would be home, when he managed to stumble through his own front door – breath catching in his chest as he tried to process the bombshell Maddie had just dropped on his life. Maybe – maybe it was rude of him, cruel to forget that he shared his apartment with the younger man, that Albert lived on his couch, but Buck had forgotten, and how he wasn’t sure of a kind way to tell Albert that if he had to have a conversation with another human being, there and then, that he would scream.

And he might not be able to stop screaming.

Albert was looking at him with genuine concern written all over his face, sliding the pan he was using to cook off the hob, so it wouldn’t burn. “Are you okay, Buck?” he asked, and Buck knew he could talk to Albert, and he would try to understand; burdened by his own family issues in ways that would make it easier to admit the insanity of the Buckley family aloud.

But Buck couldn’t.

“That’s kind of a loaded question, Albert,” Buck managed to choke the words out, anxiety clawing at his chest.

Albert inclined his head slightly. “Okay,” he conceded. “Are you well enough to be here, alone – or as alone as you can be with me, here,” he grinned slightly at his own words. “Or do you need me to call someone?”

“I don’t think I know,” Buck admitted, forcing himself to sit at the kitchen table, his blood thundering in his ears as he tried to process everything.

He had a brother. He has a brother – even if that brother wasn’t alive, anymore. Buck had a brother – he wasn’t the only Buckley boy, like he’d believed for so much of his life. For twenty-nine years, he’d thought Maddie was his only sibling, but she wasn’t, and Buck’s entire world felt like it had been spun on its axis and nothing made sense, anymore; but somehow everything made more sense than it ever had before, and he wasn’t sure how to deal with that.

Albert pushed a glass of water toward him, a kind look on his face.

“I don’t think I can talk about it, yet,” Buck admitted, the cool condensation dripping down the side of the glass – a housewarming gift from Hen and Karen, glasses nicer than he’d ever buy himself, if he was being honest – grounding in the way it reminded Buck that he wasn’t dreaming, the glass wet to touch.

“That’s okay,” Albert shrugged. “I can talk, instead, if you want.”

Buck could have cried, with relief. “Yeah, that would be great, Albert.”

Albert grinned. “Okay,” he nodded, moving his pan back onto the hob. “So – I had an online class, today, and one of my classmates, they were clearly not paying attention, but as it turns out, they had taken a series of photos of themselves, and were playing it as a video……..”

Buck forced himself to focus on Albert’s words, his roommate talking about the perfectly mundane happenings of his day, how his online classes went, how their neighbour down the hall still firmly believed he and Buck were a couple, and how its quite sweet, really, because she’s trying her hardest to make sure that they know she accepts them, and she’ll be dropping by a loaf of banana bread, in the morning.

It wasn’t until Albert set a bowl down in front of Buck, a simple pasta dish that made Buck’s stomach growl in acknowledgement of how hungry he was, that Buck spoke, looking at his roommate – his friend – with watery eyes.

“Thank you,” Buck managed to sputter out.

Albert shrugged. “You need to eat,” he said, pushing a fork toward Buck. “My grandmother – she always said that the problems of the world looked a little less daunting, when you looked at them with a full stomach.”

“I don’t just mean for the food,” Buck croaked, though he was grateful for the food – because he wasn’t sure if he had the mental energy to try and make himself dinner, to remember how to cook any of the ingredients that sat in his well-stocked kitchen. “I mean – for taking me out of my head, for a minute.”

Albert smiled, in that endearingly sincere way he always did, Chimney’s brother always one to wear his heart on his sleeve. “What are roommates for?”

ii. bobby

It’s not as though Buck particularly wanted to tell Bobby, about what was going on – but after the incident at the fire, after the way Buck had been acting, he knew he had to, he knew that he had to admit to his boss what was happening. He’d been insufferable to work with, Buck knew, and his boss was owed an explanation.

What Buck hadn’t expected was Bobby’s reaction. It wasn’t – it wasn’t the reaction of a Captain, a professional acknowledgement of a personal trauma that Buck wasn’t able to compartmentalise and leave at home, like he was supposed to, it was the reaction of a friend, Bobby pulling Buck in for a determined, bone-crushing hug.

“I’m so sorry, Buck,” Bobby’s voice was calm, against the sea of static that was buzzing in Buck’s head, something Buck could cling to as he stood, still as a statue, in Bobby’s embrace.

“You didn’t do anything,” Buck found himself saying, confused.

Bobby pulled back, hands on Buck’s shoulders. “I can be sorry, even if I didn’t have a role to play in this,” he said. “Buck, I’m sorry for you as your friend – what your parents hid from you, it was cruel. You didn’t deserve to be lied to like that.”

Buck swallowed his tears, focusing his gaze on one of the photos hanging on the back wall of Bobby’s office. “Their kid died,” he said, voice robotic as he voiced the sentence he’d practiced over, and over. “I can’t blame them.”

“Yes, you can,” Bobby’s voice was fierce. “Buck – I had to bury my own children. That is a pain I will never forget, and one I will live with for the rest of my life. I can’t even begin to describe to you what that grief, the grief of losing a child, feels like, and I hope you never, ever understand it,” he said. “But I have never put the burden of that grief on May, or Harry. Your parents had no right to force you, and Maddie, to bear their grief in the way they did. It was wrong. It is wrong.”

Buck hated how easily he was crying – how easily he’d always been reduced to tears, too soft, too emotional, not enough of a tough guy to please his father. “It was?” his voice was tiny as he spoke, unsure if he could take Bobby’s words at face value. Was Bobby saying that just to placate him? To make it so he could suck it up, and work?

“Yes, Buck,” Bobby’s voice was firm. “It was wrong – and no one in this team is going to begrudge you the time you need to process this. We’re your family, and we’re here for you. Okay? I’m here for you Buck, whatever you need.”

Buck hadn’t been hugged a lot, as a kid – not by his parents, at least. That was a pitifully sad thing to admit, but it was the truth – for all the ways Maddie had been kind, and affectionate, pressing kisses to Buck’s curls and hugging him close, his parents had been cold, and physically distant, never giving Buck more than a pat on the shoulder.

He knew why, now. They looked at him and all they saw was Daniel – all they ever saw was the son who would forever be twelve, frozen in time. They had watched him grow up, and maybe he was tolerable, when he was younger, when he was going through all the same phases that Daniel had – but as soon as Buck had turned thirteen, and lived longer than the brother he didn’t know existed, his parents had kept their distance more, and more, and then Maddie had left, and Buck had been left to crave physical affection, taking that intimacy wherever he could get it, regardless of the impact it had on him, regardless of how it would all leave him feeling even lonelier, when it was over.

But –

Bobby was a dad.

Not his dad –

But someone’s dad.

“Could I…” Buck cut himself off, embarrassed. “Could I have another hug, Bobby?”

Bobby’s eyes were sad, and full of sympathy – but not pity, Buck noted. “Yeah, kid,” Bobby said, pulling him in for a hug, Buck forced to stoop a little, to match Bobby’s height, comfortable in the embrace, this time. “You can have a hug.”

iii. hen

“Hey there, Buckaroo.”

Buck looked up to see Hen approaching him, doughnut in hand.

“You were missing out on the sugar delivery,” Hen explained, hanging him the plate. “So I snagged you your favourite flavour.”

Buck wanted to cry. “You didn’t have to do that, Hen.”

Hen shrugged, sliding down the wall so she was sitting on the concrete next to him, the bright sun of the Los Angeles afternoon beating down on them, the corner they were sitting in slightly secluded, distant from the noise of the firehouse that Buck normally thrived in – just, not today.

“I wanted to,” she said, taking a bite of her own doughnut – cinnamon sugar, Buck noted, her favourite. She’d always been the one to support Buck’s belief that simple was best, when it came to doughnuts, never making fun of Buck’s preference for plain old raspberry jelly flavour; unlike Chimney and the rest of the team, who favoured the hipster doughnut place around the corner from the station, and all the weird flavours they sold.

“Because you feel sorry for me?” Buck found himself asking.

“Because you’re my friend,” Hen corrected, nudging Buck’s knee with her own. “And I can see you’re hurting, Buck, so I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Buck knew he didn’t look the best, rocking up to their shift that morning – his eyes were red raw from crying, because he was in that stage of processing it all, now (Dr. Copeland had assured him that crying was a perfectly healthy trauma response, but Buck was tired of Albert’s quietly concerned looks, because apparently even crying alone in his shower didn’t guarantee privacy in the tiny space they co-existed in.)

He just hadn’t realised he looked that bad.

“I guess you know, then,” Buck murmured, poking at his doughnut. He’d given Bobby permission to tell the team, if he felt it was appropriate – he just hadn’t been able to face the prospect of telling them himself.

“No,” Hen’s voice was firm. “Whatever is going on with you, is your story to tell, Buck. Unless you want to tell me, I have no intention of finding out what is happening.”

Buck shot her a confused look.

“Chimney, he gave me the impression that whatever you’ve found out, is something that was kept from you by the people you love most in the world, and you didn’t have a choice in who found out, because Maddie told him first, and when – and when you got trapped, in that fire, Chimney panicked and told some of the team,” Hen said, explaining what Buck already knew – what Chimney had already desperately apologised for, terrified that Buck’s newfound knowledge of his dead brother had pushed him from resident daredevil to on the verge of suicidal.

Buck didn’t blame him, really.

“I didn’t hear the secret, at the fire,” Hen said. “And I asked Bobby not to tell me. I want you to be able to tell at least one person, on your own terms, if you want to tell me. And if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay too – I just want you to have the option. I’m happy to be the friend who doesn’t know, if that’s what you need.”

Hen’s sincerity was making Buck want to cry again, his friend looking at him earnestly as she spoke. He knew that if he asked her, Hen would do her best to never find out what Buck’s secret was – Hen was good with secrets – and Buck wasn’t sure how to voice his appreciation out loud in a way that felt appropriate for the magnitude of what Hen was offering him.

Peace.

The power to take control of his own situation.

Buck hadn’t felt in control from the moment he had picked up that photograph of Daniel, and Maddie had admitted who it was, but now, for a second, at least, he felt in control.

“I had a brother,” Buck admitted, hot, angry tears rolling down his cheeks. “I had a brother, and they never told me – they kept him from me. For my whole life, they kept him from me, Hen.”

“Oh, Buck,” Hen’s voice was thick with emotion as she spoke. “I’m so sorry, honey.”

“I know – I know it wouldn’t have change the fact he died, when I was a baby,” Buck continued, managing to talk about it, even just a little, for the first time since he’d found out. “But I deserved to know, Hen.”

“Yes, you did,” Hen was fierce in her agreement. “They had no right to keep his existence from you, Buck.”

“It explains it, you know,” Buck glanced at Hen, the protectiveness that was written all over her face making his heart twist in his chest. “Why they never loved me, not really – I was never Daniel.”

“I’m not even going to pretend to understand your parents,” Hen said, wrapping her arms around Buck’s shoulders, pulling him close, running a hand through his curls, the same way Maddie used to, when he was younger. “But I’ll tell you something for nothing, Buck; I love you. I love you like a brother, and I know its not the same, but I love you. And loving you has been damn easy, from the moment you stepped into this fire station – because you have a heart of goddamn gold, Buck. And your parents inability to see that is not your fault.”

Buck let out a shuddering sigh, leaning into the comforting embrace Hen was offering him. “I’m not sure if I believe you, Hen.”

“That’s okay,” Hen reassured. “I’ll keep reminding you until you do.”

“You will?”

“I will,” Hen confirmed. “Because that’s what family does, Buck. Now – eat your doughnut before we get called out.”

iv. chimney

Buck hated the tentative way that his friend – and teammate, and future brother-in-law, probably – approached him, looking nervous. He hated it – and he hated how he didn’t have it in him to put a stop to it, just yet.

“Hey, Buck,” Chimney greeted.

Buck paused what he was doing, the chrome of the ladder truck already gleaming from the thorough polish he had given it. “Are you here as my sisters boyfriend, Chimney, or my friend?”

“As your friend,” Chimney answered without a second’s hesitation, which Buck had to admit he appreciated.

“Okay,” Buck put the polish down entirely, nodding. “Because I’m not ready to talk to Maddie about this yet.”

“She knows,” Chimney nodded, quiet for a second. “I wanted to talk to you as my friend, Buck, because – and I would walk through fire for your sister – you were my friend before I ever met Maddie, and I don’t want you to forget that. I care about you as more than just my girlfriends brother, Buck, and I’m – I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

Buck didn’t have a reason not to believe Chimney – really, he didn’t. “I’m still angry,” he admitted. “That you knew before I did. You had no right to know before I did, Chim.”

“I know,” Chimney agreed, rocking forward on his heels as he spoke. “I wish I didn’t know, Buck,” he said. “I wish I hadn’t found out before you. I – I said, from the moment I knew, that you deserved to know, but as much as it wasn’t my place to know before you, it wasn’t my place to tell you. It needed to come from Maddie, and your parents.”

Buck nodded. It was true – that it would have been worse to hear it from Chimney, and not Maddie, or his mom and dad. Of all the people to hear it from, Chimney would have been the worst one. It should have come from his parents, really – from the people who’d forced a child, their daughter, to keep their older brother’s existence a secret their entire lives. Maddie had been nine, when she’d been forced to pretend Daniel had never existed. She couldn’t have possibly understood the consequences of their parents refusal to acknowledge that Daniel had been a part of their lives, once.

“I know,” Buck said finally. “I know, Chim. I just – I can’t pretend like I’m feeling all that logical, about all of this. I’m trying – I’m just not there yet.”

Chimney’s expression was genuinely understanding. “You don’t need to be logical about this, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re entitled to deal with this and grieve – and be angry as hell – in whatever way works best for you. I just – I wanted to know that I’m here for you, that I’m your friend. And if you need to talk to me, I can be your friend – and just your friend, not Maddie’s boyfriend. What we talk about, it stays between me and you, Buck.”

Buck gave Chimney a grateful smile. “Thank you, Chim,” he said, awkwardly wringing his polish rag between his hands, twisting, and pulling, the material taut in his hands. “I just don’t think I’m ready to talk about it with anyone, yet.”

And that was the truth of it –

Buck wasn’t ready to talk about it with anyone, not his friends, not Maddie, not even with his therapist – not yet.

“Then let’s talk about something else,” Chimney said, grabbing another polish rag, smirking at Buck. “Like your terrible polish job.”

Buck glared good-naturedly at Chimney. “I’m not a probie anymore, Chim, don’t start this.”

Chimney whistled cheerfully as he started to polish, grinning. “You’ll always be a probie to me, Buckaroo.”

v. athena

Buck hadn’t seen Athena in a while – their calls didn’t actually crossover, all that much, so it wasn’t all that unusual to have not seen her in a few weeks. A part of Buck was glad – and not because he didn’t love Athena, but he wasn’t sure if he could cope with seeing the anger she carried on his behalf in person. Buck didn’t like when other people felt burdened by his issues.

“Buck.”

Buck paused, halfway back to the truck. He couldn’t exactly ignore his Captain’s wife – or anyone, for that matter. Maddie (Maddie, always Maddie, not their parents) had raised him better than that, had raised him to be polite. “Hi, Athena.”

“I know you’re not ready to talk about it,” Athena said, hands on hips, stance fierce and protective and everything Buck never had in a mother. He was glad, May and Harry had her, at least. “But I wanted you to know – parents shouldn’t lie to their children the ways yours have lied to you. It’s cruel, and I’m sorry it happened to you, Buck.”

Buck didn’t quite know what to say. “Uh – thank you?”

“I’m not trying to overstep,” Athena raised her hands in surrender. “I’m not your mother. I’m your friend, though, Buck – and I’m someone’s mom, and I can’t stand the thought of you thinking that your parents did all this out of some twisted sense of protection for you, and Maddie. Parents – however hard – should teach you how to grieve. Not teach you to be invisible as a punishment for something you never knew happened.”

Buck nodded, shaking hands gripping tightly to his halogen. “You’re a great mom, Athena,” he said quietly.

“And you’re a great man, Evan Buckley,” Athena gave his elbow a squeeze. “I just thought you should hear that from someone today.”

vi. christopher

Buck had an armful of Christopher the second he walked through the front door of the Diaz household, the little boy flying at him, crutches and all. “Oh, hey, buddy,” Buck laughed, easily scooping a wriggling Christopher up, easing his crutches off of his arms so he could hug him properly.

“I’m glad you’re here, Buck!” Christopher said, grinning widely at Buck, his new braces glinting in the soft light of the evening, reminding Buck of how grown up the kid in his arms was getting – on the cusp of his teenage years, all too soon.

“I’m glad I’m here too, buddy,” Buck replied, holding Christopher close. He wasn’t even the kids dad – and he couldn’t imagine ever lying to him, like his parents had to him, couldn’t imagine doing anything except loving the little boy with everything he had.

“Dad said you’ve had a bad week,” Christopher said matter-of-factly. “So we have a surprise for you.”

“Oh, you do?” Buck gave Christopher a watery smile, flashing Eddie a confused look.

Eddie raised his hands in surrender. “It was all this guy,” he said proudly. “I just did the driving.”

Buck laughed, looking back at Christopher. “Where are we going, then?”

“Kitchen!”

Tossing a giggling Christopher over his shoulder, Buck made his way to the kitchen, Christopher chatting excitedly as he moved. Buck felt like he was going to cry – really, properly cry – when he spotted the feast of all of his favourite things on the Diaz kitchen table.

“We got all your favourites!” Christopher explained. “Popcorn, and chocolate – and pizza! And we’re going to watch Inside Out, because its your favourite film, and me and dad, we’re going to make sure you feel better, Buck.”

Buck wiped roughly at his eyes. This kid. “I already feel better, buddy.”

Christopher’s brow was furrowed. “But you’re crying.”

“People can cry when they’re happy, Chris,” Eddie explained, running a soothing hand down Buck’s back. “It doesn’t always mean someone is sad.”

“Your dad is right,” Buck confirmed. “I’m crying because I’m happy – and I’m very grateful to have such a thoughtful kid taking care of me.”

Christopher grinned again, patting a sticky hand against Buck’s cheek. “You’re gonna be o-kay, kid,” he beamed, and for the first time, Buck almost believed it.

vii. eddie

“He’s out like a light,” Buck said softly, half closing the porch door behind them – enough that they wouldn’t wake Christopher, with their conversation, but still open enough that they’d be able to hear if Christopher woke up in the night.

Christopher had insisted on Buck being the one to put him to bed, that night, despite how hard Eddie tried to get Christopher to give Buck a break – but Buck had enjoyed the routine of it all, if he was being honest, Christopher’s happy snorts as Buck (badly) danced around the bathroom while Christopher brushed his teeth making him forget the car-wreck his life was for a few minutes, at least.

Eddie nodded, nudging a beer toward Buck. “You spoil him, you know,” he said, not a hint of annoyance in his voice. “I know you read him two chapters of his book, not one.”

Buck hummed gratefully. “I know,” he said, voice dropping. “Kids deserve to be spoiled, a bit at least.”

“How are you doing Buck? Really?” Eddie asked, and Buck felt a dam inside him break – he’d kept everything he was feeling so bottled up, for so long, and all of a sudden, on his best friends back porch, it all came pouring out, tears cascading down his cheeks.

“I had a brother,” Buck hiccupped out, bordering on hysterical as he cried, Eddie moving quickly so he was crouching in front of Buck, soothing hands on Buck’s knees. “I had a brother, Eddie.”

Eddie’s face was twisted, a mixture of heartbreak and sympathy. “I know, Buck,” he soothed softly, gentle hands wiping at Buck’s tears, taking Buck’s hands in his own, grounding Buck in the new reality he had found himself in, the past few weeks – a world where he was suddenly the youngest of three siblings, the third Buckley, not the second.

“I always wanted a brother,” Buck admitted out-loud for the first time, unable to stop his tears, gripping tightly to Eddie’s hands. “I love – I love Maddie, but I always wanted a brother, too, and I had one, and I didn’t know, and I can’t stop thinking about how different life might have been if he was still around. He was ten years older than me.”

Eddie was quiet.

“His name was Daniel,” Buck said, shakily voicing his brothers name out-loud for the first time to someone other than maybe. “His name was Daniel, and he was ten years older than me, and I’d have been a really good brother to him, and that’s all I know, and I just – I wish I knew more.”

“You know,” Eddie’s voice was soft, and reassuring, comforting and grounding in ways that Buck wasn’t sure how he ever lived without before, his best friend the kind of anchor Buck needed, in his life. “I bet Maddie knows more.”

“Eddie….”

“I know it hurts,” Eddie squeezed Buck’s hands, his expression encouraging as Buck forced himself to look at the older man. “And it’s going to hurt for a long time, Buck, and I’m sorry for that – but you’re not alone in that hurt. Me, Chris, Hen – the others – we’re here, and we love you, and we’ll do our best to understand, but there’s one person in the world that shares this hurt with you.”

“But she knew, Eddie, she knew all along, and she didn’t tell me – and I know she was a kid and it wasn’t her fault, but it still hurts, because she got to know him and grieve him, and I didn’t.”

“Did she?” Eddie countered, wise as ever now he went to regular therapy. “She had to pretend he didn’t exist. To grieve properly – you need to talk about the person, about who they were, and Maddie didn’t get to do that. As much as she can help you get to know who Daniel was, you can help her grieve the brother she wasn’t allowed to remember. I can’t help you do that.”

Buck tightened his grip on Eddie’s hands. “I can’t, not yet,” he admitted hoarsely. “Not tonight.”

“No,” Eddie hummed his agreement. “Tonight its just you and me, and the rest of these beers, and as much crying as you want. Okay?”

Buck laughed. Back when he first met Eddie, he could never have imagined their friendship getting to this point – to where they could sit, and talk, and drink and cry together. Somehow, somewhere along the way, they’d created this safe space, together, and Buck had never been more grateful for his best friend than he was, there and then.

He had a brother.

And tonight – tonight was the first time he’d said that out loud and hadn’t felt bitter, and angry, about it. Tonight had been the first time he’d said those words out loud and wondered who the person was, who Daniel had been – instead of focusing on the lies, the hurt of it all.

That was progress.

Swallowing thickly, Buck wiped at his sore eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know,” he directed his question at Eddie.

“Anything?” Eddie’s lips quirked up in the beginnings of a smile.

“Anything,” Buck confirmed.

Eddie grinned. “Did you know - nearly three percent of the ice in Antarctic glaciers is penguin urine?”

Buck snorted, the sound outrageously loud in the quiet of the evening. “I don’t want to know how you know that.”

(He knew – of course he knew. Eddie was the only person who knew exactly how to bring Buck out of his own head, with odd facts and quirky news articles, anything to distract Buck from the overwhelming noise of his own thoughts).

Eddie took a swig of his beer, smiling contently. “You’re not the only one who can know weird things.”

viii. maddie

When she opened the door, Maddie greeted Buck with a relief he didn’t feel deserving to be on the receiving end of.

“I’m sorry, Maddie.”

“No,” Maddie interrupted, pulling him close, clinging tightly to his shoulders, refusing to let her pregnant belly be an obstacle to squeezing the life out of Buck – and he couldn’t say he was opposed to a bone-crushing hug from his sister. “You don’t need to apologise, Buck, not to me – not about this. I should be apologising to you.”

Buck pressed his face into the material of Maddie’s cardigan, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume. She’d worn the same one since she was a teenager, and in the years when they weren’t in contact, Buck – well, he’d sometimes go to the perfume section of the department store, and sneak a sample, desperate to feel close to his sister, even if Doug had long since cut her off from him.

“I can’t hear you,” Maddie admitted, her voice soft as she ran a gentle hand through Buck’s hair.

“I said,” Buck pulled back slightly, Maddie’s tears reflecting his own. “I know we’ve got a lot to talk about – but uh, Maddie, will you tell me about him?”

Maddie brushed away a few stray tears of Buck’s before they had the chance to drip from his chin, nodding. “I’d really like that,” she confirmed, tugging Buck toward the couch. Her baby box was still on the coffee table, a photograph of Daniel – the same one Buck had found – propped up against the wood, another one next to it.

Of the three of them.

Buck looked as though he couldn’t be more than a few weeks old, in the photograph, Maddie proudly holding him in her arms, a little boy who was familiar, in so many ways, hair blond and bright like Buck’s had been, as a child – and unfamiliar in so many others, a kid who would forever be twelve years old.

“Is that us?” Buck asked, doing his best to fold his long limbs, curling himself up against Maddie, thinking back to when they were kids, and all the evenings they’d do the same – Buck curled up in her lap as they watched TV, or as Maddie soothed his tears after a fight with their parents. Her belly got in the way, a bit, and a part of Buck’s heart ached with the knowledge that someone else, his niece, would curl up in Maddie’s lap the same way he used to, in just a matter of months, but he pushed the thought aside.

“I told everyone you were my baby,” Maddie said, sounding like she was smiling. “Oh, I loved you so much from the moment you were born, Buck, and I wouldn’t let Daniel go near you – because you were mine.”

Buck didn’t try and stop his tears, now.

“He loved you just as much,” Maddie continued. “He would tell dad, how excited he was to be able to teach you to play soccer, one day, and ride a bike.”

All the things Maddie had taught him, in the end, Buck thought to himself.

“He picked your middle name,” Maddie continued. “Because he had a best friend called EJ, and he told mom and dad that you should have the same initials – Evan James - because you were going to be his new best friend.”

Closing his eyes, Buck let Maddie’s words wash over him, painting a picture of someone he would never have the chance to know – but loved, Buck thought, all the same, because Daniel couldn’t have known, how life would turn out without him, because he had only been a kid, when he died – and he wouldn’t have understood.

“He’d be proud of you, I think,” Maddie said quietly, pressing a kiss to Buck’s curls. “Because I am, Buck, I am so proud of you. You are not a disappointment. You are the greatest man I have ever known and I am so proud of you, and I love you, and I’ll tell everyone the same thing I told them when I was eight and I held you for the first time. You’re mine, Buck, not theirs.”

Buck nodded, not trusting himself to open his eyes. “I love you, Maddie.”

“I love you, little brother,” Maddie sounded like she was crying too, now. “We’re going to be okay.”

Buck –

Well, he didn’t have a reason not to believe his sister.

He wanted to believe her.

And maybe –

Just maybe.

He already did.

Yeah.

They would be okay.

[1dcraftawards]

November Author of the Month...

Drumroll please.... our November Author of the Month is none other than the incredibly talented...

@all-things-fic ! 

Congratulations to a wonderful author, Liz! You can check out our interview with her below!

1.Did you start writing fanfiction for One Direction, or was there another fandom that you wrote fanfiction for before this?

I have one fic that I wrote for One Direction Fanfic Archive, that will never see the light of day. It was really awful, but everyone starts somewhere. I’ve shared it with two people on Tumblr and we just laughed about it.

I’ve also written a Niall Horan fic which has been flagged for how explicit it is, which is quite laughable as it’s tame in comparison to the Harry stuff (eek!)

2. How old were you when you started writing fanfiction?

I was a teenager when I first started writing fics. I don’t know if I would consider it “proper” fanfic though as it was riddled with cliches.

3. What’s been your favorite fic that you’ve written to work on so far?

For the longest time I was proud of the second part of Divorce Harry and specifically the second part. It just felt real to write. I can’t even explain what it is about that piece.

I think at the time it stemmed from an ask I received where I was asked if I was a parent - I’m not - but this someone said I portrayed aspects of a marriage and how children can tip the balance really well.

The sheer bitterness of two people in love and the juxtaposed feeling it brings was an interesting dynamic. Being bitter and in love? How? It happens. You love someone, but bloody hell don’t you hate at the same time.

And I think on the hand Quarantine Harry is the opposite side of the same coin. I love it because it’s so happy. When you’re smitten and basking. Your baby waking you up at 3am and meeting your husband on the landing with the freshly made bottle is a time to enjoy because you’re doing it together.

But soon enough the third child is sprawled out in your kingsize bed and their foot is pressed against your ribs and you're tired. This isn’t me saying the two stories are linked (I do get those theories quite a lot haha)

4. Do you prefer AU or OU?

Definitely more of an OU gal. I’m massively into writing things “realistically” because I think it’s so relatable and helps draw readers in more so. Especially if the writing uses and references visuals that readers are aware of.

5. What’s your favorite trope to write?

Would we call a long-term relationship / established relationship a trope? If so then this is my favourite. Writing characters who know how to push each other’s buttons, knowing what they can and can’t say to get the other going. Being able to write two people who can share as little as a glance and know what the other is feeling.

Sprinkle a bit of angst on the top for good measure.

That’s my kryptonite.

6. What’s your ideal space to write in?

I tend to write when I’m in bed quite a bit, usually really late at night and on my phone rather than my laptop. Often lying in the dark. Sometimes first thing in a morning.

7. How do you get motivation to write?

This one made me laugh considering I’m unable to finish a single piece of writing at the minute.

Pictures are quite inspiring. New images of Harry can usually start something in me. The images of him in the whacky joggers for example from set have inspired a scene in Quarantine Harry (who knows for which part just yet!).

8. Do you typically like to listen to music when you write? If so, what do you listen to?

Very rarely listen to anything when I write, I tend to like silence really. Sometimes this is so I can dictate into my phone.

9. Your dialogue is some of the best I’ve ever read on tumblr, how do you plan conversations in your fics?

Thank you for the compliment, it’s really nice to read that you think so highly of my dialogue. I don’t really plan them - conversations or my fics. I’m quite visual in how I write, so anything that you’ve read I’ve most likely had it play out in my mind and typed it as it’s moved. For dialogue I tend to speak out loud as I’m typing to try and get the pacing right for the conversation.

No, I don’t try to do a Manc accent… Just in case anyone is wondering haha!

10. What is your writing process like?

I write what I see and then hope it fits. Honestly it’s pretty chaotic. The only time I tend to plan is when I’ve got a lot of different scenes written and I need to know if they’re suitable for an update or what order to place them.

Then I read through them and think about the characters and how they would be a certain time and move the documents into another document. Then I close all the tabs and cry cause my motivation is nonexistent.

11. What’s been your favorite scene to write from Quarantine Harry?

One that hasn’t been shared haha! I’m joking (maybe).

From part one my favourite bit has to be the part where she makes up with him by taking him a cuppa and he gets a dig in about how she hasn’t brought any biscuits with her. Also the bit where he says “come an’ love me” meaning he wants to cuddle. I’m quite conscious I don’t really ever write soppy fics, so when I’m writing “fluffy” aspects they’re more so everyday affections. Like, you know someone is properly in love with you when they’re doing the washing up cause you’re busy, or they’re taking out the bins on bin day. That kinda thing.

From part two absolutely the entirety of the morning where she takes the pregnancy test. That was the part I had as clear as day and I worked backwards to the opening scene. I really loved the idea of Harry knowing his partner is pregnant before said partner knows. Him knowing his lovers body like the back of his hand so much so that he’s able to pick up on the smallest of things.  I knew I had to write it.

And how he casually suggested she took the test, by pressing a kiss into her back. His face finding that test and then being an insufferable sod and pleased with himself cause he’s in the know about the outcome before the MC.

12. Is there a schedule you follow in terms of when you write? Or are you more impulsive and just write where and when you can?

So impulsive it’s actually embarrassing. I cringe at myself. I know I’ve mentioned this loads but I really write what I see. So if I’m not seeing anything, I’m not writing. It’s quite frustrating.

13. What is one thing you wish you would’ve known before you started writing?

To not talk about your writing before you’ve finished it. I feel like I massively let people down when I post sneak peeks and then I can’t deliver because life gets on top of me!

14. What do you prefer writing, multi-chaptered fics or one shots?

One shots and then if they develop into something more that can be exciting!

15. What's your secret to portraying such a complex and interesting relationship between your main characters??

Personal trauma…… *tumbleweed at another one of my poorly thought out jokes*

I’m a bit stumped on how to answer this one. I think being well read(ish) helps you create complex characters and relationships, not saying that I am but I’ve read a fair few books. Life in general helps too, sometimes personal relationships. Just growing up. My fic when I was younger was nowhere near the type of things I’m writing now but I’ve got a couple (okay, more than a couple!) of years on myself since then.

I think just apply your own lived experiences and call upon emotions you may have felt through certain times that you’re writing should you have experience it.

Partly I also think so many of us are a little bit nosy. Sometimes we all kinda want to be the fly on the wall in the home of couples to see if everything is a rosy as it seems or as intimate. Or whether it is just raw passion with a couple of arguments thrown in for good measure.

16. What Harry era/mood/look/vibe/song/etc. do you get most inspired by?

What’s weird is my favourite era of Harry is 2014, but I wouldn’t want to write him like that. The current Harry is quite marvellous. I’ve never known anyone like him, he really is fine wine (the real album title…. ‘we’ll be a fine wine’)

If you’re asking what mood I like to see him in, it’s either when he's pensive and looks a touch pissed off with a crease to his brow or when you watch his joke his eyes before he’s even said it and he’s amused/pleased with himself.

His current look, mainly late 2019/2020 is quite something (hence the quarantine fics)

I tend not to get inspired by his songs but my two faves if I had to pick would be Woman and TBSL. I think they’re massive Scorpio energy and would make great premises for a one shot sometime!

I’m not sure if I even answered this how you wanted it answer but hopefully it was something haha!

17. Who or what inspired you to start writing?

I’ve always loved writing, I think it’s because I do a lot of it with my line of work. The person that gave me the push on this site was actually an account called @meetyourmouths. The lovely Iz is no longer on tumblr but she wrote a Harry piece that just made me think ‘fuck it’ and I posted Practicing. If you go to that piece the authors note makes mention to Iz.

I would also say @stylishmuser was one of the first people to reach out to me and be encouraging which has always stuck with me. Massive love for, P and still talk to her all these years on.

I’m now sat here thinking about listing all the lovely lovely people who have been so nice to me both in regards to writing and outside of it and I’m conscious I’m not mentioning them. The troubles of being a bit of a people pleaser. Hopefully those people know I love ‘em… You know?

18. Some readers are wary of leaving feedback because they're unsure how the writer will take it, how do you personally like to receive feedback? Do you want to be critiqued, or would you like to just know if they did or didn't enjoy what they've read?

First thing I’d say is please don’t ever think as readers you can’t be negative. Sure there is a way to present the feedback to the author cause writing can be quite personal, but everyone has room for growth.

Just come chat to me. Can be about anything and everything. A simple ‘loved the update’ to ‘this bit was rubbish’. I’m open to all feedback.

One thing to remember is there are a lot of writers out there so there is something for everybody. If a fic isn’t for you there are tons out there waiting for you to go and grab ‘em!

19. Is writing a hobby or do you have aspirations of writing professionally outside of fanfiction?

I used to think it was mainly more so a hobby, and I do still lean towards this. However, now I’m not so sure. My problem is I tend to have long spells of not being able to find balance in my ‘real life’ job and the extra-curricular stuff.

I’m dragging myself here but I don’t think my fics have much plot to them. I’m more so about writing the everyday life and I don’t think there is a market for that really (unless you have something explosive happen somewhere).

20. And finally, What's your purpose for writing? What do you hope to accomplish?

For a while I wanted to write Harry being insufferably British. I found it quite hard to find writings that I thought wrote him using Britsh-isms (is this even a thing?) and types of phrases that are common over this side of the pond. I wanted to put that out there for someone who may have once felt like me.

Mostly,  I just want to put pieces out that take people elsewhere, even if only for a couple of minutes. A lot of the world is a bleak place, if you find my little corner on tumblr and it makes you smile, that’s achieved something, hasn't it?

[beyondconfessor]

Principal Decisions [13/24]

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Lilith/Zelda Spellman

Summary: “Not even a thank you?” Lilith asked before tutting. “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?”

N.B.: Also posted on AO3. This is pure fantasy, please suspend your disbelief.

Zelda glared at the nurse. It was in the small hours of the morning, and the young girl, barely out of training, was shivering under her stare, voice shaking as she advised, once again, “a doctor needs to sign you off before we can discharge you.”

“Ridiculous, go and get one then.”

“He’ll be around later,” she said.

Zelda huffed, and the girl, apparently seeing that as an opportune moment, decided to exit the room. Apparently considering her ops for the shift completed.

Honestly, after a bad night’s sleep, the last thing she wanted was to be dealing with the fact that she would need to cancel today’s class––and if things continued in such a way, she might have to cancel tomorrows as well, because apparently, she was entirely reliant on some fucking doctor who hadn’t bothered to check on her since yesterday, to provide permission for her to leave.

There’d also been the whispers of a repeat MRI and CT scan, which was the very last thing she needed. It’d been a very small bleed with a minimal fracture and was likely to be absolutely fine. There was no reason to make such a fuss. After all, she was a grown, fucking woman. She should leave. Get up and leave.

It wasn’t like Lilith had any real power over her. She could just put her shoes on (given that she was dressed in a new set of clothes provided by Hilda) call a cab and take her back home where she’d find her emergency credit card and pay it that way.

And yet she didn’t. She sat on the chair next to the hospital bed, dressed, hair combed, make-up done and waited.

There was a knock on the doorframe then, and then Lilith was entering the room, her handbag in tow.

Zelda stood up, smoothing down her skirt and reached out to take the bag.

“Not even a thank you?” Lilith asked before tutting. “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?”

“Thank you,” Zelda said tightly and reached for the bag, only for it to be pulled out of reach. Well, she was hardly going to chase for it.

Crossing her arms, Zelda glared at her, waiting for Lilith’s grin to falter. It didn’t, and instead, Zelda was left to step back and look away, hating how the very sight of Lilith was making her heart beat fast in her chest.

“What do you want, Lilith?”

“Oh, a great many things,” she said, before stepping forward. “How about a proper thank you for finding your bag and bringing it to you.”

“If you had brought it with you in the first place, we wouldn’t be here.”

“I’m going to ignore your bad attitude because you’ve suffered a concussion, but I would be more thankful if I were you. I didn’t have to bring it, I could have waited for you to come out of the hospital and claim it yourself.”

Zelda scoffed. “You are insufferable.”

“And you adore it. Now…” she paused and her bright blue eyes looked at Zelda with wide-eyed innocent, patiently waiting for her.

“Thank you, Lilith. I most appreciate the effort you went to,” she advised flatly, seething at the woman.

“Not at all, happy to do it for my favourite client,” she said, handing the bag over to her.

Zelda snatched it with a roll of her eyes, trying to ignore the growing flutter in her chest as she opened it up. Her phone was there, thankfully. There were a few missed calls but nothing to worry about.

Lilith hovered and Zelda’s eyes flicked up to hers. The woman’s face was no longer mischievous, only curious as she seemed to study the cut on Zelda’s forehead.

Earlier, she’d looked at in the mirror and had been horrified to note how terrible the bruising was. Her face looked positively gaunt, and even the make-up Hilda had brought wasn’t enough to cover how unwell she felt, but it was certainly a mark-up from how she’d been.

“Did the doctors say if you can leave?” Lilith asked.

“No,” she sighed. “And the nurses are saying I might have to get another CT or MRI scan completed, which I don’t see the point in.”

“You were unconscious for the entire hospital ride. And were barely coming in and out when you arrived. I would say there’s significant reason to warrant another test.” She frowned, stepping forward then and Zelda bit back the urge to shrink away.

“I’m fine. I’ll speak to the doctor and get…” she felt woozy all of a sudden and then Lilith’s hands were on her shoulders, pushing her back onto the chair to sit down, concern awash as she looked over Zelda. “I’m fine,” she assured.

“Have you asked for the day off from work?”

“Today only,” she said. “Faustus insisted.”

“Blackwood?” Lilith enquired. “Is he your boss?”

Zelda felt nausea roll in her stomach as she looked at Lilith, and wasn’t sure if it was because Lilith knew Faustus or because she had a concussion. “Please don’t tell me he was a client of yours.”

“He was not, but he was…” Lilith sighed, “We used to run in the same circles a few years back. It’s a long story, but no, he and I were adversaries, nothing more.”

Zelda smiled, feeling the relief rush through her. It was an interesting piece of information nonetheless, but if she were to advise of knowing Lilith, it would likely say more about herself than anything else. It’d be difficult to feign only a professional relationship for Sabrina’s wellbeing if she knew such tantalising secrets about Faustus.

“I’m going to get a nurse.”

“I’m fine,” Zelda said, pushing Lilith’s hand away as she looked away. “It’s just a minor blood pressure problem. Nothing a glass of water won’t fix.”

Lilith gave a disapproving look but reached over to where the jug of water sat and poured her a glass despite her disbelief. Zelda took it, took one sip and then held it in her hands, feeling the embarrassment wash over. She wasn’t a child that needed to be taken care of. She was a grown woman who had a hundred things she needed to do before tomorrow and was already behind on the every growing list of things.

“I’m not going to spurt medical advice, because you clearly won’t listen.”

Zelda huffed. “I know myself.”

“Quite. Well, what I will say is that sometimes taking a break will allow you the ability to get ahead in the work you’re falling behind on. You’ll only break yourself if you keep pushing.”

“I’m not a child,” she said lifting her eyes to glare at the woman. She didn’t care how dark Lilith stared back, she was pushing well over the lines of their relationship. “And you’re not my mother.”

“Stop acting like a child then.”

Zelda stared at the woman, feeling an anger burn but Lilith stepped forward and suddenly Zelda felt very small under the woman’s eyes, and she didn’t like it one bit. Never had anyone’s presence so much as made her tremble since she was a little girl.

She met the stare and glared back. “You’re not my partner,” she advised sharply. “You’re someone’s services I request at the best of times, and my niece’s principal, otherwise. Do not overstep that.”

Lilith’s expression fractured then, and she stepped back. All at once, Zelda realised the mistake she made in her words, and yet she couldn’t find the ability to take it back.

“As you prefer,” Lilith said with a nod of her head. “Well, since you’re all fine here, I suppose I’ll head off to comply with my…principal duties.” And then Lilith had turned on her heel and left, and Zelda was left sitting in the room, feeling the words churn in her stomach.

She hadn’t meant to snap, but Lilith had been pushing further than she should. Honestly, she was not mentally unwell. She was exhausted, yes, overworked, of course, but she was hardly depressed and in need of some shoulder to cry on––despite what the dominatrix may think.

No. What she needed was something else. Perhaps this would be a good break from Lilith. A time to self0reflect and draw away before her feelings became any more tangled.

As it was, the doctor requested another MRI, and then, when that had come back showing that the bleed had stopped, she was permitted to go home, only if someone were to pick her up.

At least now she had her phone and was able to have Hilda arrange to pick her up as discharge papers were supplied to her, with a request to obtain another MRI and CT scan within a week and follow-up with her GP. As well as some standard lines about avoiding cigarettes and alcohol for a while.

“Though perhaps this is an opportunity for you to quit smoking,” the nurse advised. “If you were a non-smoker then you would have been less prone to bleeding from the hit.”

Zelda scoffed, snatching the papers from the nurse and leaving with Hilda. Her sister took to acting like a mother hen, helping her into the car and out of it and despite her snapping that she was hardly an invalid, her sister continued to help her all the way to the parlour where she sat her on the couch with a blanket and went off to make her tea, having apparently already made her soup.

If there was one thing she couldn’t resist, it was her sister’s cooking. It gave her time to contemplate Lilith and her relationship quietly and realised that she’d indulged too long in the service. No matter what…relief she may find from it, it was clear that their emotions were becoming too blurred.

It was time to cease seeing her. She didn’t need to see the woman again, and hardly needed to advise as such. She would avoid booking in anything further.

It seemed simple enough as she managed a headache, increased with light sensitivity. Even still when she returned to her position in the school the following day and managed whispered conversations in the halls as she slowly walked from her office to her lecture hall and then back.

The headaches were awful, and daylight, her computer’s screen and the stress of her work agitated it, but she preferred it to the insistent ache that previously drew under her skin.

At least while she was recovering, it seemed that her sex drive had all but disappeared entirely, leaving her at peace during the night.  

And it seemed as she focused on her work, weeks passed and Shirley returned, resuming her class without so much as a thank you. All she received was a brief email requesting the most recent assignments to be sent back to her––Zelda had already marked them, but complied, relieved to wash her hands from the stress of that particular workload.

But even as she returned to how things were, she was as reliant on Prudence as she’d been beforehand. It seemed that her newfound headaches were some post-concussive effect, even though there was nothing medically wrong with her brain, Zelda’s doctor suggested that perhaps it was a good opportunity to take a break.

Christmas was coming up, the session was ending, she could extend her leave instead of taking on the winter subjects.

At the very least it would give her an opportunity to spend with her family. Zelda complied, placing in her leave to Faustus who complied with a grimace, knowing that he had no say in it otherwise, and Zelda found herself in December watching as Ambrose and Sabrina decorated the Christmas tree.

Hilda and Sabrina had picked it from the Putnam’s, and Harvey had dropped it off, providing a much-needed brightness to the room, especially with the fire.

Although Zelda continued to take it easy––at the instance of Hilda who continued to mother her despite Zelda’s attempts to ward her off––it was nice to sit on the couch, hot cocoa in hand and watch at Sabrina tossed tinsel at Ambrose.

It reminded her of when both of them had been young, and they would decorate the tree together. It’d been far too many years since she’d born witness to the crafting of the Christmas tree, usually working late in the office, so to sit here and watch it brought both nostalgia and the awareness that she’d missed out on a lot.

“Cuz!” Ambrose said, carefully holding an ornament from years long forgotten. “I remember when you made this.”

Sabrina paused, looking at the ceramic ornament. Zelda recalled it too, Sabrina had been barely three years old and had squished the pattern into what she’d assured Zelda was an angel but turned into more of a blob with arms than anything else.

Sabrina frowned at it, turning it around in her hands. “We don’t need to keep this any more,” she said.

“We certainly do,” Zelda said, standing up and taking it from her hands before Sabrina could whisk it away. “This was the first decoration you made. We’re keeping it.”

“Do you have any of Ambrose’s?”

Zelda hummed, looking through the Christmas box, “I don’t think so. Hilda used to do all sorts of crafts with him, but a lot of that was left in England when they came over,” she said, glancing up at her nephew, “and I suspect that the things that were brought had been disappeared away.”

Ambrose flushed, giving a short laugh before shrugging. “Things change,” he said.

Zelda’s eyes narrowed, but she smiled, not pushing it. “So they say,” she said. Taking the decoration gently in grip, she set it up high on the tree, looping it so it was unlikely to fall. “Now, what are we choosing for the top of the tree this year?”

“Last year was the star,” Ambrose said. “And that ended up falling off half a dozen times.”

“We could go with the angel,” Sabrina said, digging it out from the box. The angel was still in its glory, carefully looked after, blowing on a trumpet. It was an old heirloom, but one Zelda wouldn’t mind if it were to disappear. She took it from Sabrina’s hand and turned it around, feeling memories of her childhood fade as she placed it up on the top of the tree.

So be it, new memories. She stood back, admiring the tree. Neither Ambrose nor Sabrina were particularly gifted in decorating anyway, but Zelda was not so needy to require the tree to look like it came out of some hallmark movie.

“Well, with that in order, shall we pack up the boxes and help your Aunt Hilda finish baking for your teachers?”

Sabrina’s school term still had another two weeks remaining until they broke for Christmas, of which there was to be a final football event that she’d agreed to attend. Zelda wasn't sure if it was an important match or not, and had trouble enough trying to keep up with how sports were ranked in any regards, but Sabrina was attending and she would follow.

She hadn’t heard about Theo in some time, however, and as much as she wished to assume that it was due to him settling in the football position, Zelda suspected that he ended up quitting in the end.

It was frustrating, and it burned Zelda more than she wished it did, but in the end, the boys would only torment him further and it would be unfair to put Theo through that.

The day was enjoyable, however. Zelda’s headaches had begun to ease without the stress of work, and she and Sabrina had thankfully ceased arguing for once. Seeing how Sabrina had taken to earning her own income, using the money to go out on dates with Harvey and her friends, Zelda relinquished her ban and agreed to continue paying her her pocket money.

She had expected that it might leave Sabrina to depart from the bookstore, but instead, her niece took to it, seeming to enjoy the work, and given that Hilda had nothing bad to say, Zelda found herself…oddly relieved.

Perhaps she’d made the right decision, and in turn, perhaps she wasn’t a failing guardian to Sabrina.

In the kitchen, they baked gingerbread cookies. Then Ambrose and Sabrina iced them all as Hilda began the preparations for dinner, leaving Zelda to sip at her whiskey and feel a sense of contentment with her family.

She’d missed them. Truly missed them. The past week especially had made her all the more aware of what she’d missed.

“Oh,” Sabrina said, “Um, Aunt Zee? Roz’s family invited me to go skiing with them for the holidays.”

“How soon?” Zelda asked.

“Christmas Eve until January Third?”

Zelda bit back an ache. “So you won’t be here for Christmas or New Years?”

“Well, no, but that’s fine. You’ll have Ambrose and Aunt Hilda.”

Ambrose gave a small noise. “Actually, Luke and I…are planning to celebrate New Years with a couple of friends.”

“Doctor Cee’s hosting a New Years party, you could come and share that with me, Zelds.”

“I’ll pass,” she said, feeling the ache grow in her chest. The last thing she wanted was an overcrowded party with teenagers trying to sneak alcohol. She had enough of that at the University. No, she would stay home, watching the fireworks on the television if need-be and then go to bed. It was hardly a big deal.

“I can cancel,” Sabrina advised softly.

“Do not even think of doing such a thing. Skiing sounds wonderful for you. As I understand it’s a yearly trip for the Walkers.”

Sabrina nodded, a small smile on her lips and Zelda couldn’t help but remember when she’d been so little and had seen the snow for the first time. Zelda remembered making snowmen with Hilda and showing Sabrina how to punt snowballs at Ambrose.

And now her niece was off adventuring with her friends. It’s what she wanted for her.

“I’ll be fine,” she assured.

__________

[itwillbeall-dwight]

what’s your favourite scary movie?

danny “jed olsen” johnson | the ghost face/felix richter; post-canon; halloween movie nights; 1398 words

a/n: i just wanted to write something short and simple for halloween, since i’ve been writing longer pieces lately and i needed to chill out and write me some pointless fluff. you can consider this a continuation of/good end to trials in error if you want, or not, either or. happy halloween :)

likes < reblogs, any comments in the tags are appreciated

ao3 mirror & kofi link in the reblogs!

Preview: “Drink?” “Ja, please. ”He was already doing so without much prompt from the other man, holding both glasses gently and setting them down on the island, looking around to the large and comfortable living room behind him. “Say, do you like scary movies, Felix?” He paused, grabbing a towel from the handle of the oven and opening it to check the food. “Can’t say I’m a fan, but they’re… alright.” “Oh really?” He gave a sly grin, leaning his elbows on the kitchen island and fiddling with a knife in the block sitting just by the edge. “What’s your favourite scary movie?”

The quiet sound of the TV humming was only drowned out by the sound of his shoes against the linoleum, moving around the kitchen as he continued to prepare dinner. The house had always seemed emptier since his girlfriend had moved out, and especially now, on Halloween night. It was the weekend, and the child’s bedroom upstairs was not giving out noise, as it had done most weekends like this one. His young daughter was staying with her mom tonight, in the bigger part of the city, where she could have the best experience of the night she could. Felix didn’t mind. There was always next weekend, and the weekend after. So the night was probably occupied with wine, pizza, and staying up to work on another project almost done but due months in advance… not the most glamorous of evenings, but he could think of much worse alternatives.

 The phone rang suddenly, and after closing the door to the oven with his leg, the architect moved to grab the receiver from the kitchen island. “Richter residence.”

“Hello, Felix.” The voice on the other side of the phone was distorted, and foreign to him. A stranger’s voice. 

He paused. “...Hello?”

Whoever was down the phone chuckled. “How’re you doing?”

“...Well enough. Who is this?”

“Oh, that’s not important.” Despite the overlay, the voice had an… odd smoothness to it, like caramel. “What’re you doing right now?”

“I’m not going to answer that.”

“Oh really? Because I’d say you have about, hm… 20 minutes before you start a nasty fire. Pizza, was it? Can almost smell it from here.”

“From where?!”

A knock against the window by the kitchen sink made him jump where he stood, tossing the phone between his hands in surprise as his eyes shot up to the window, at the familiar olive ones staring back at him.

The architect practically slammed the phone back down onto the receiver, opening the kitchen window and looking outside, cold air hitting his face as he spoke through gritted teeth. “Danny.”

“Felix!” He sounded absolutely delighted, slapping the top of his old phone down into itself and shoving both it and the small voice distorted box he held into opposing pockets, as he smiled up at him. “How lovely to see you, darling. How have you been?”

“What is your problem?!”

“Alphabetically or in order of relevance, babe? Look, let me in, would you? I’m cold.”

“You… I thought you were working?”

“I was! I took care of it.”

He blinked.

“...Not like that. Christ, have some faith in me, sunshine.”

“You’re making it very hard to.”

Danny chuckled. “I’ll meet you at the door.”

 It had been over a year now since he’d woken up from the fog, and a few months since he’d found Danny Johnson, of all people, had also escaped the Entity’s clutches, apparently having grown tired of killing for sport and allowing himself to be let go from his playground. The two had messed around in that realm, yes, and had gotten dangerously close to a fairytale ending, but never got around to popping that ever-present question of what they really were. Now, out of the fog, they’d taken that chance, and while Felix was still getting used to the journalist’s odd ways of coping with the lack of murder in his schedule, things were going smoothly. 

 “No little tyke today?” He asked this as he walked in, taking off his light jacket and hanging it from the racks by the door, rubbing his arms from the cold October air outside as he turned around again.

“Ah, no. Not this weekend.” Felix replied, locking the door behind him again, and making sure to do the chain, in case any… real mystery callers came to stalk the house tonight. Not that it was likely, but it was never impossible - after all, he had an expert in that field standing right in front of him.”

Danny scoffed a little. “Shame. I’ve started to enjoy seeing her more than I do you.”

“Charming. Remember who’s house you let yourself into, Johnson.”

“Aht, you let me in of your own free will, Richter, and I expect you to be hospitable to your most handsome of guests.” And yet, he was already making himself well as home, reaching for two champagne flutes from glass-doored cupboards above his head and for a glass of champagne in the small wine rack below the counter. “Drink?”

“Ja, please.”

He was already doing so without much prompt from the other man, holding both glasses gently and setting them down on the island, looking around to the large and comfortable living room behind him. “Say, do you like scary movies, Felix?”

He paused, grabbing a towel from the handle of the oven and opening it to check the food. “Can’t say I’m a fan, but they’re… alright.”

“Oh really?” He gave a sly grin, leaning his elbows on the kitchen island and fiddling with a knife in the block sitting just by the edge. “What’s your favourite scary movie?”

Felix stood up fully as he shut the door, glancing back catching Danny staring back. He turned with a slight smile as he walked back over to the island, and matched him, placing his hand on top of his, holding the knives in place. “You say this as if we haven’t lived in one.”

“But it was fun, right?”

“It was not… but I did like the ending.”

He hummed, tilting his head in a mock curiosity, the two of them sharing a quiet laugh together before Danny leaned in and placed a quick, soft kiss on his lips, before pulling away. “And we haven’t even got to the after-credits scene yet. Won't that be a scream, eh?” A quick wiggle of his eyebrows sent Felix into giggles, as the man ran a hand down his face.

“Oh, you’re insufferable.”

He pushed himself away from the kitchen island, grabbing his champagne as he did shooting the architect a wink as he took a quick drink and went to go scour the shelves in the main room for something to indulge in, very loudly critiquing his small collection of older movies, mostly documentaries for background noise while he was working (“Jesus, I thought you were in your thirties, not from the 1930s, you old coot”).

 The pizza was soon prepared with a loud beep of the oven, served on the coffee table in front of the large flatscreen in the centre of the room. Felix swapped his glass from one hand to the other to take the remote from Danny, who had taken to scrolling down various streaming sites to pick a movie to watch, but the journalist moved his arm to keep it out of his reach.

“...Danny.”

“C’mon. It’s on me.”

“It’s my house.”

“And I had it first.”

“You are an absolute… child.”

He looked over to the architect, sticking his tongue out to match a childish persona, before looking back to the television.

And though Felix knew he should be annoyed, he couldn’t help but chuckle, more than used to this behaviour as he leaned in as rested his head on Danny’s shoulder, listening to the way his heart beat in his chest, and how he breathed in and out. At one point, he doubted the man was human, hunting as an animal would. But here, in his own home, where he should have thought of a man so calm as nothing more than a stranger to him… he was so very human, and he loved every part of him.

Especially as an arm was wrapped around his shoulder, and a kiss was planted on his head, as if it was second nature to the man who, from the way his memory served, would have rather died than do something so… cliche.

It was an indie horror he ended up picking, a site original, and the two of them took great pleasure in picking it apart, finding more humour in the whole thing as they shared pizza and more than a few drinks. Felix didn’t remember seeing the credits, but he did remember the way a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, and how he woke up with a neck cramp and the sun in his eyes, still held in Danny’s arms, where he smiled to himself, and quickly fell back asleep again.

[theoriginalsuki]

Because if you like what I write, we probably have the same taste!

There’s a glut of well-written, well-crafted post-TROS Star Wars fanfiction out there, from fix-it to AU’s – not that I’m complaining! – but I’m-a just throw out some of the ones that have hit my sweet spot.  Please reblog!  It keeps the fic life cycle going.

Complete

The Ocean: A TFA Divergence by Journeying_Jane

I’m a die-hard TFA Kylo Ren fangirl (it’s my favourite of the trilogy, I know), and this divergence tugs the threads unravelled in the interrogation scene to a very satisfying conclusion, re: Rey and Kylo see their shared future a lot sooner, before the elevator scene in TLJ, and start to understand what they mean to one another.  Soooooo good.  (Rated G)

Air and Water by Flaignhan

The tender and thorough examination of Ben and Rey’s relationship, what it is, how it completes her, and their wholesome being-together that we ache for across three films.  Better than cozying up with a hot cup of cocoa on a rainy day.  (Rated G)

What She’s Worth by g_girl143

If Rey had been taken in by the Jedi Academy as a child and basically raised by Ben Solo.  Hear me out.  This love story is innocent and organic and is so well navigated that by the end you’re just like, yeah, of course, there was no other way that could have happened.  The *potential* is what it gives us.  I need to read it again, slowly and to savour, and happily await the sequel!  (Rated T)

Dead Space by Solia

Kylo Ren sacrifices himself to save Rey when they are stranded in a malfunctioning ship.  If you’re like me, and you like angsty grand gestures of love more than sexy times, this one is gourmet Reylo.  I’m so into the not-looking-directly at their feelings and extending that sweet pain for as looooong as possible.  Because, one brain cell!  (Rated G)

Paradise by englishable

Post-TROS, the only epilogue I will accept (except for Cleave, also by englishable).  Ben is brought to trial; Rey stands by him throughout; they figure out how to go on together.  It’s so wholesome and satisfying.  Let the healing begin!  (Rated M)

Near Kinsman by englishable

In post-Civil War America, Rey answers a bachelor ad and the most classically romantic love story since the Brownings unfolds.  (Rated T)

Delicious Ambiguity by Juulna

Some people like smut.  I like dangerous male-types harnessing their aggression toward protecting women and their unborn children.  That’s hot.  Some good TFA Kylo Ren being inexplicably soft with Rey and her Force-conceived twins.  Both of them have issues.  Both of them really, really love those babies.  It earns the happily ever after, which you know I appreciate so much in a fic.  (Rated M)

until you return to me by lovefrompluto

Rey accesses the WBW and looks in on every incarnation of Ben, all the lives they live together.  Such a cool meta on fanfics with a satisfying ending, giving Rey the agency she was denied in TROS.  (Rated M)

Killing Me Softly by AlbaStarGazer

I’m not a big AU person but the premise of this is so good and works really well with the characters as we know them in canon.  I also really appreciate a fic that isn’t afraid to look at the work of love.  

Ben and Rey, childhood sweethearts, married, are put to the test for three years after Ben gets in a terrible accident and forgets Rey.  She’s won’t give up on him, but she’s too hung up on the past.  He’s in love with her but afraid that all she sees is a memory, and not the person he is now.  Some really good character study and hurt/comfort with a happy ending.

WIP’s

The Argent Coda by BetweenTownleys

A deeply involved and well thought-out fix-it that makes me soft.  It’s not happily ever after (yet) and I am 100 percent okay with that.  The Force bond intimacy between Ben and Rey hurts soooooo good!  (Not Rated)

Conversations by acowlorsomething (suchlostcreatures)

Takes place after TLJ and moves effortlessly into the kind of interaction we want to see between Maybe-Ben and Rey.  Okay, what *I* want.  Nothing too easy, nothing too sexy, more of the same of the tender conflict we got from The Last Jedi, playing out in a believable way.  (Not Rated)

Bride of Fortune by SharKohen

Cute arranged marriage AU.  Rey is supposed to be a lucky bride.  So Leia Organa-Solo brings her into the household as her son’s wife.  They’re only young, so will they have time to chose one another before the age of consummation?  (Rated T)

Chains by Veggieheist

Rey is a slave on Jakku.  Kylo Ren picks up on her Force sensitivity and “buys” her.  Cue side comments from everyone that he just wants to sleep with her,  to which he is bewildered and frustrated.  Kylo doesn’t understand why someone so powerful would act so lowly, but when he pushes Rey hard, he finds out there’s more to her than he bargained for.  Or did he see it all along?  (Rated M)

hear my plea (and come save my life) by nouveaulove

Rey finds Ben alive but with amnesia.  I’m so soft for pining and protective Rey having to woo back Ben.  (Rated M)

Halfway, Between The Black and Grey. by PunkForTheMoment

Anakin helps Rey go back in time to the interrogation scene in TFA and she is anything but smooth.  Inspired by that meme.  Very promising!

My Fic

Epilogues by TheOriginalSuki

My initial self-help fic in the wake of The Rise of Skywalker.  Kinda dream-like with a hazy plot that is basically me just making myself feel better.  Maybe you too?  Some mature content, I don’t think it’s smutty, though.  (Rated M)

Rey goes into self-imposed exile on Tatooine.  After refusing to let Ben go, they break the laws of physics to be the family to one another they never had.  Healing can at last begin.

Battlefield by TheOriginalSuki

After The Rise of Sywalker I could see things getting worse before they got better.  If Kylo Ren had buckled down on the darkness after soul-crushing rejection from Rey and the trauma of seeing Luke again, how in the world would he walk back from that?  I’ve got it tagged “dominant Kylo Ren” but I’m not into abusive stuff, so don’t expect that!  I do however love the angst.  (Rated T)

Kylo Ren took the galaxy, and Kylo Ren takes Rey.  There’s nothing left for him to accomplish, Vader’s vision is complete – only he’s still in pain.  And no matter how he manoeuvres around the scavenger girl, it’s not easing up.

what stars are made of by TheOriginalSuki

Me trying to make a place to dump one-shots and dead-end ideas and probably failing.  Every time I pull a thread of “how things could have gone” in this universe, a whole world unravels!  Oops!  The tone of this one is completely different, inspired by the adorkable Ben Solo we got a glimpse of in TROS, and how he and Rey’s relationship plays out afterward.  (Not Rated)

Rey has a minor objection to being abducted.  Good thing Ben didn’t ask her, then!

The Stray by TheOriginalSuki for itsinthestars

Written for the RFFA fic exchange.  A modern AU!  (Rated T)

Rey moves in across the hall from Ben; a former foster kid alone in the city, aspiring to be an actress. Ben is a ladder-climbing white collar businessman with a horrible boss and zero social life. Which is just the way he likes it. So why in the world has this insufferable creature made it her life’s work to adopt him? From sharing her dinner to doing his laundry, she seems determined to make a connection. In the end, it’s easier for Ben to just let her. But opening up means letting your heart be vulnerable.

Hiraeth by TheOriginalSuki

A passion project.  I even have a plan!  Bonus – there’s Tai!  (Rated M)

Rey crosses over the World Between Worlds and finds herself in a time before Kylo Ren.  it’s been twelve years since her Ben dies, and she’s achingly in love.  But he has no idea who she is.

Beatrice by TheOriginalSuki for englishable

Illustrates the principle that good art generates good art.  Rinse.  Repeat.  (Raged G)

A brief character study from Ben Solo’s point of view, encompassing the three films and then a positive resolution.

[dorizardthewizard]

Misconception: Hal Jordan is an idiot

Okay this might be part of a series of Green Lantern posts I’ve been writing when bored, because hey you read some youtube comments and suddenly you’re an essay writer. It’s just gonna be me rambling about Hal’s character lol

So we’ve all made dumbass jokes, me included, but honestly? Hal’s not stupid, he can’t be. It takes a lot to be a test pilot, including a degree in the engineering/physics field, and most likely military service. He wouldn’t have gotten as far as he did if he wasn’t smart enough.

It might not always seem that way though, but that’s because he excels in thinking on the fly, which is so important when you’re dealing with intergalactic crises springing up every Tuesday. He’s the guy who will jump right into danger and trust that he can get himself out afterwards. We’ve seen him think his way out of tricky situations before, even if in his own crazy style like jumping out of a plane to recharge his ring from the head of a Manhunter. In some circles he’s kind of gotten the reputation of being the lame one in the Justice League, which can’t possibly be true when he has a ton of amazing feats to him like defeating Sinestro multiple times, killing Krona despite the fact that a GL ring shouldn’t be able to kill a Guardian, controlling the death entity Nekron to defeat the reality-bending First Lantern, making a ring out of his own willpower… etc.

So if he isn’t actually an idiot, where did this reputation come from? The ring chooses according to willpower and technically, not being bright shouldn’t make anyone less worthy, but this trait has kind of been blown up over the years to the point where some people are getting “dumbass energy” mixed with “actual dumbass”. Going back to the silver age, Hal definitely had a clumsy streak – we’ve all laughed at the panels like him slipping over in the shower and knocking himself out. It was pretty endearing though, watching this walking disaster still manage to save the day.

I feel like some of that was lost in later comics as he grew up, and when Johns brought him back even later, he was more like the cool, cocky pilot type (although still a disaster in other areas lol). The thing is, because of his nature of jumping into danger it sometimes seems like he really can’t think for himself, but that’s not the case. It’s just his style to go in guns blazing, shining bright and attracting all the attention away from whoever’s he’s saving and onto him. It’s true that it doesn’t always work out as well as he hopes, and that makes for some fun stories, but other times his quick instincts are lifesaving.

It wasn’t until the New 52 where this really got blown up though – while the GL comics continued mostly the same as before, other characters got rebooted so we got a whole new Justice League dynamic. A lot of people unfamiliar with GL know his New 52 version through the animated movies, and booooy…. this guy is basically Guy Gardner but less lovable, more insufferable and way less competent.

Of course this isn’t just limited to him, a lot of the Justice League members seem to be caricatures of themselves in this movie but I feel like he’s gotten it the worst. The Batman Syndrome doesn’t help either, where everyone’s dumbed down and nerfed to make him look like the biggest BAMF on the League. You have a guy who literally works with aliens everyday but of course only Batman’s tech can identify an alien device as a bomb! There’s also the ring-stealing gimmick, which is stupid because a Green Lantern is always bound to their ring through concentration – to remove it they literally have to disengage their minds from it first. I don’t know, maybe there’s a retcon or something but it’s still dumb. He even does this to John Stewart in JL Dark – that’s crossing the line :’P

Of course you could say JL War was early days and he hadn’t been a GL that long, but it doesn’t get much better in the other films and it’s no excuse for crossing into annoying asshole territory. It’s a difficult balance to strike and boy can you tell when a writer only has surface-level knowledge of his character...

Yikes. Sure he can be a cocky flirt – so was Han Solo – but he was actually likable!!

Sadly this trend of making Hal more and more of a comic relief man-child outside of comics continues, you’ve got kids watching him in DC Superhero Girls thinking that’s the definitive take on him, and we’re not getting a new GL movie any time soon to really delve into the character, whether animated or live action. Thankfully the animated series portrays him in a more positive light (although maybe they went a bit too far in flattening out his flaws, but that’s a post for another time) but that got cancelled so :/ Again I’m not well-versed in New 52 and Rebirth comics outside of GL yet but I have seen snippets of Justice League comics where it seems like he’s grown more into his old self, my favourite being his Darkseid War tie-in, which I really hope to see animated someday. Speaking of movies, the 2011 one certainly didn’t do him any favours – I actually think Reynolds did okay as Hal but when people look back on it, all they see is the Deadpool guy.

Anyway this is kind of going off on a tangent but still, it’s sad seeing so many comments joking about him being dumb and incompetent and that they should have used another lantern instead (I agree we need more of the other lanterns but not because Hal sucks), just because bad writing made him a caricature of his worst traits. When this happens to characters like Batman, tons of fans complain and come to his defence by calling out the writing, yet for Hal many just assume this is how he always is. In a world where Aquaman is actually getting some love, I really hope we can get a good adaptation for Hal soon.

TLDR;

Me: Oh Hal you dumbass

Someone: Ikr he’s such an idiot and a jerk I hate him

Me:

Me: What the fuck did you just say

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X17

I really liked this episode! My favourites are always the faster paced ones. Last week’s episode was soul crushing so it was nice this week to have an episode that didn’t make me feel like I’d come face to face with a dementor. The episode begins with a nice opening conversation between Meredith and Amelia that establishes where a bunch of the characters are at. We see that Meredith and Jo are crushed by Alex’s sudden departure and Amelia is shocked. Meredith spends most of the episode treating a patient who’s diabetic and has been rationing her insulin. We find out that she’s been rationing because she’s just had to put her parents in assisted living and that’s not cheap so she’s been doing a bunch of gig economy freelance work to make ends meet. She’s super nice and likeable so of course she dies!

Meredith obviously feels for her and works very hard to treat her and save her life. She’s distraught at her death and expresses her anger once again at how screwed up the U.S. Medical System is and how unfair it is that rich people get whole floors to themselves without even asking just because they’re rich, when nice good people like her patient die from trying to do the right thing and take care of their parents. I like that they’ve continued with the storyline of Meredith fighting against a broken system and working to try and make things better for those who can’t afford it and do her part. It’s interesting to watch and makes some really important points along the way. We find out that Jo is still sleeping on Link’s couch and for most of this episode they are feeling very sorry for themselves and are hating on love. They especially don’t like PDA or the amount of it at the train station in the morning. I mean I don’t either, but clearly they have more issues than I do.

They spend most of the episode wallowing, but towards the end Jo gets inspired. She tells Link that she’s been trying so hard to hate Alex but it just isn’t working because she keeps seeing daily reminders of how much he loved her. She’s mad at him, she’s angry, but she doesn’t hate him. I don’t think that Alex threw Jo away like trash, but I do get where Jo is coming from. That line felt a bit harsh, but at the same time Jo has been abandoned and tossed aside a lot in her life. I loved her line about how Alex loving her the way that he did made her realize that she is worthy of that kind of love and that truth is hers to keep and that she is going to rise so high that Alex will look like a fool for leaving her. I hope she does rise. I’ve really come to like Jo in the last couple of seasons and I don’t want to see her go down a dark path again. I also loved her speech to Link about not letting love pass you by.

Link tries to object and say that Amelia pushed him away, but Jo corrects him and says that Amelia is scared and hormonal and that if he loves her, which she knows he does, he shouldn’t let love pass him by. She tells him to stop being an idiot and go do something about it because everything can change in a second. He takes her advice and goes to see Amelia. He stands in the rain on her porch and says that he tried to write her a love song, but he doesn’t write songs, but that he loves her and the baby and he doesn’t want to be alone and miserable if he doesn’t have to. Amelia asks him if this is truly what he wants and if he truly wants her and the baby regardless of who the biological father is. Links says that he does. That he loves her and wants her.

Amelia rushes forward and kisses him and hugs him and tells him that she’s glad because she loves him too and she took the test. She holds up her phone. The baby is Link’s!!!! Gosh I’m so happy for them! I’m also really happy this ‘who’s the father’ storyline is over because they dragged that on way too long! I’m glad that Link decided that he wanted Amelia and the baby regardless of whether or not the child was biologically his and that it turned out that he was in fact the father and that Amelia loves him and wants to be with him too.

I hated Amelia as a character for a very long time because I found her insufferable, but even when that was going on there’s no denying she’s been through a lot! Post-brain tumour I really like Amelia as a character. She’s fun to watch, Caterina is a great actress who plays her with amazing range, and I love her and Link together. After all she has been through, she deserves good things. I’m glad that she finally seems to be getting some. I’m surprised that we haven’t seen Meredith and Jo interact much since Alex’s departure storyline began. We keep getting conversations that imply that they’ve talked and they are friends, but we haven’t actually seen them interact since the mid-season premiere. I’m hoping that now that Amelia and Link are back together we’ll start to see them hanging out more and leaning on each other and talking about Alex.

On the other side of this equation we have Owen and Teddy and now Tom and Maggie being put in the middle where she does not want to be! Why does someone who hates secrets keep getting put in the middle of their mess? Also why does Teddy keep putting her there? I mean Maggie’s been pretty clear she wants no part of this mess from the moment Teddy showed up pregnant so why does Teddy keep revealing information to her that she clearly does not want to have? They are not friends and Amelia is Maggie’s sister. Teddy needs to find someone new to confide in I think. Any who, thanks to an extremely awkward elevator ride we find out that after that shocking kiss two weeks ago Teddy slept with Tom. She hasn’t told Owen who is blissfully unaware and doesn’t understand why Teddy wants to hire a wedding planner instead of planning the dream wedding she’s always wanted with him herself.

At first she tells Tom that the whole thing was a mistake and tries to blow him off. Then Maggie asks to speak to her because the tension was so thick in that elevator you could have cut it with a knife and even Maggie, who’s known for being super oblivious, could feel it. She’s worried that things are now bad between Teddy and Owen because she told Teddy that she’s not crazy to think that Amelia’s baby might be Owen’s and wants to clear the air. Instead Teddy chooses to tell her that she slept with Tom, give her information that she does not want or need to know, and puts her smack dab in the middle of the drama that Teddy has created for herself. Maggie wants no part of it and immediately regrets asking what was going on. Throughout the episode Teddy avoids Owen until he confronts her about it. Instead of telling him that she slept with Tom and is having doubts about their relationship she instead tells him that she thinks Amelia’s baby might be his.

Owen doesn’t know what to do with this information and freezes. Can’t blame him for that honestly. Teddy takes this to mean that he’s still in love with Amelia and storms off. Later, she runs into Maggie at the OR Board. She tells her that she told Owen the truth. Maggie is instantly relieved as she thinks she’s talking about her and Tom. But then Teddy corrects her. Maggie is furious. Teddy goes off and says a bunch of horrible things about Amelia and her toying with people’s emotions. She ends her tirade with, “I was just starting to really like her.” To which Maggie responds, “And I was just really starting to like you.” Iconic. That was such a mic drop! Maggie is here for none of Teddy’s hypocrisy or her dragging of her sister in front of her nuh uh! She tells Teddy as much and reminds her how long she waited to tell Owen that she was pregnant with a baby she knew for sure was his and how she behaved and all the lies that she told. Teddy is remorseful and apologizes for dragging Amelia to which Maggie responds, “That’s my sister you’re talking about,” and sashays away because truth.

I’d like to point out here that Amelia actually hasn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t like Amelia much until recently so I would be the first person to point out if she was, but she’s not. All she’s done at this point is wait to get some test results. That’s it. Her and Owen split up and a short while later she got together with Link and then a short while after that she found out she was pregnant. She went forward on the assumption that the baby was Link’s and they began building a life together because she had no reason to think otherwise. Yes, she should have gotten an ultrasound and had the tests run earlier, but after everything that happened with her son Christopher and her fiancée Ryan I understand why she didn’t. Shortly after she found out that she was further along than she thought she told Link. She didn’t tell Owen because at that point, until she’d had the test, there was nothing to tell.

She should not have toyed with Link’s feelings the way that she did, but it was also pretty clear that she wasn’t feeling well emotionally or physically and wasn’t thinking clearly. Also, at that point the issues she was having were between her and Link as a couple. She didn’t tell Owen because a) she wasn’t in her right mind and b) she didn’t want to mess things up for him and Teddy over something that might not even be an issue. And as it turns out that was the right call to make because it’s not an issue. This week Amelia came out of her funk. Maggie and Meredith as her loving sisters helped her back on her feet and she got through it. She returned to work and moved forward determined to raise her baby with her sisters who love her unconditionally. During this time she also got the paternity results back.

The baby is Link’s and not Owen’s which means there is absolutely no reason to involve Owen or Teddy in this mess at all. Their only point of connection or contact at this point is about co-parenting Leo and that’s fine. Both of them seem happy with that. Teddy kept acting in this episode like Amelia had done something to her. Like her actions were all Amelia’s fault which simply isn't true. Amelia didn’t do anything to Teddy or Owen and Teddy never even talked to her. She went and talked to Maggie. Who told her that what she was fearing was a possibility and that’s it and then instead of talking to Owen about her fears or Amelia about her concerns she went and slept with Tom. That’s on her and nobody else as Maggie was quick to point out. Speaking of Tom he got an interesting storyline this episode. He spent most of it treating a tech billionaire who was convinced there was something wrong with him because he made a critical error with the calculations for a rocket launch that exploded over a gas station.

He’s a patron of the Catherine Fox Foundation and seems to be an old friend or at least acquaintance of Tom’s. Because he’s there a whole hospital floor gets shut down for him which backs up the ER and patient care on the ground floor. Tom pages Meredith to assess the guy and she is not happy at all. Her patient is sick because she’s had to ration her insulin and this guy gets a whole floor when there’s nothing actually wrong with him? Yeah no. Meredith Grey is not here for that. Not by a long shot. She speaks her mind and tells them as much. Then she passes the case off to Jackson so she can get back to her patient because as she says, “Your Mom, your mess.” But Jackson can’t find anything wrong with him either so the case reverts back to Tom again. Tom panders to the guy all episode because of what he believes he can do for humanity. It turns out in the end the guy knows that there’s nothing with him medically, but he wants Tom to say that there is in exchange for a donation so that he won’t have to go to jail and can keep trying to solve the world’s problems.

Tom has to decide whether or not to take the money and he spends the rest of the episode labouring over the decision. After Meredith’s patient dies in the OR he comes to talk to her to ask her advice in a roundabout way. She tells him she’s not in the mood to babysit a billionaire and to take a hike. He asks what she would do if she had his money. She says she’d use it to help people who couldn’t otherwise afford or access the care they needed and riles off a list of projects and solutions that she’d implement if she could. This causes Tom to have an epiphany. Meredith would use the money for good. He asks her as an award winning rule breaker how she decides what rules to break and which ones to follow. She tells him she follows her gut and just has to hope that whatever good comes out of what she is doing is worth the risk. As a result, Tom decides to take the money, but makes it conditional on the size of the cheque the Foundation and the hospital will be getting.

I liked this storyline. It’s the kind of morally complex dilemma that’s fun to watch and raises good points that there are no right or wrong answers to. I spent the whole episode chanting ‘Don’t take the money’ every time this issue came up, but in the end I understand why he took it. He does care and he does want to do good and he realizes that ultimately if he doesn’t take the money someone else will. The difference is Tom is a part of the Catherine Fox Foundation and can dole out money at Grey Sloan to people who can actually use that money to make a difference. People who actually care and want to do the right thing and help people who otherwise wouldn’t get treatment or the care that they so desperately need and deserve. Meredith is one of those people and from talking to her he can see directly how within his own hospital he could take that hush money and turn it into something good that would honestly help people who need it. And as long as he doesn’t tell Meredith or anyone else the circumstances surrounding the donation they can use it to do good without being liable or compromised.

So he takes the money to try to do something good out of something bad. We’ll have to wait and see how this plays out, but I for one am excited. Tom is a very complex and layered character and for me that’s what makes him so fun to watch! So that’s what Tom is up to in his professional life this episode. Then there’s he’s personal life. After getting blown off by Teddy at the beginning of the episode she comes to see him at the end of the day. Tom’s in his office, it’s nighttime, and the office is dark. Teddy comes in and apologizes for her behaviour earlier in the day and says she’s sorry for using him. She then proceeds to talk on about what a good man Tom is and how much Owen loves her. Tom is not interested in that and he tells her so. She’s wrong. He’s not a good man and he really doesn't want to hear about how in love her and Owen are and who can blame him? Who wants to hear the person they are in love with but can’t be with wax poetic about how great they are and how much they are in love with someone else?

But then this scene takes an even weirder turn because Tom goes to leave and Teddy is blocking the door. He leans in and kisses her. She turns away so he tilts her face up and kisses her again. She starts kissing him back, they lock the door, and it’s implied that they have carry on and have sex. There is so much to talk about here wow. First off, this scene takes a one night stand and a stupid mistake and turns it into a full blown affair. Getting freaked out and sleeping with someone one time and regretting it is something many people can and I think in some cases should forgive. But actively making the choice to sleep with someone more than once while you are engaged and raising children with someone else is a different story. That’s an affair. I also think that there’s an interesting parallel between the first time and the second time. Because the first time Teddy comes to see Tom at his hotel she kisses him and then he pulls back and it looks like he’s going to stop her, but then he leans in hungrily and kisses her back. To me this showed that Tom had reservations and knew it was wrong because she’s with Owen, but then decided to go for it because he’s so in love with her he just can’t help himself.

For Teddy’s part she seemed desperate and upset and I felt like she took advantage of how in love with her he is. The second time is different though because Tom initiates this time. He walks up and kisses her and then she turns her head away and then he pulls her back in and that’s when she reciprocates. I don’t think Tom should have done that, but on the other hand Teddy knew exactly what she was getting into. She showed up at his darkened office late at night and waxed poetic about what a great guy he was and how much Owen loved her and how broken she is and conflicted and confused. And she did all of this while actively blocking the door. In order to leave the room Tom would have to ask her to move out of the way. That is not how you stand or where you stand if you just want to apologize to someone. She also overstayed her welcome. She could have just apologized, said goodnight, and gone home to her fiancée.

Instead she showed up at his office, blocked the door with her body, and kissed him back. At this point Tom and Teddy have gone from two people who are taking advantage of each other to two people knowingly and willingly having an affair. And honestly, as a viewer I’m kind of here for it. I think it’s awful, but I also think it’s interesting to watch. I also think there’s a good chance they are going to stretch this out and have the truth come out in the finale. I’m also curious as to what’s going on with Teddy. She was absent from several episodes because she was sick with a cold and the kids got sick too and then she shows back up and is having second thoughts about her relationship with Owen, worrying about Amelia’s baby, and starts having an affair with Tom. Clearly something is going on with her as she’s behaving really erratically and seems very lost and confused. I also think it’s interesting that she’s now finally experiencing the fallout from her past actions and inaction with regards to Owen. She watched him stay engaged to Beth even though they weren’t a good fit and she hated her and did nothing. She watched him marry Cristina and abuse her and did nothing.

He then married Amelia and abused her and again she did nothing. She turned him down both times when he wanted to be with her when he was still with Cristina and Amelia. She lied to him about being pregnant and watched him choose Amelia over her again. She got into a wonderful loving relationship with Tom as a result and then broke his heart and got back together with Owen because he made her feel passion like no one else. Now she has everything she has ever wanted. She has Owen. He finally picked her. They are engaged. They are co-parenting two children together. Beth is long gone. Cristina is happily living her life in Switzerland. Amelia is happily co-parenting Leo with Owen, just got back together with Link, and is having a baby with him. They found Megan. She’s okay. She has a wonderful life with Nathan and her son in California. She’s finally gotten everything she’s always wanted and now the ramifications of not doing anything all those years has finally caught up to her.

She said nothing and did nothing when he passed her over and repeatedly choose other women over her and now that she has him she can’t shake the feeling that he’s still in love with them, Amelia specifically because she’s in Seattle and having a baby, and so she’s cheating on him with Tom out of panic. Or maybe she’s trying to hurt him first before he can hurt her again I don’t know. I also love how Teddy said nothing all those years and supported Owen when he did all of that terrible stuff and now it’s biting her in the ass. Not because Owen doesn’t love her. Not because he’s not committed to her. But because psychologically she can’t shake the feeling that he’s in love with all these other women, one of whom she has to work with every day, because he is and always will be. Beth, Cristina, and Amelia had to deal with the fact that Owen was in love with Teddy the entire time they were together and eventually its part of what tore them apart.

Now Teddy’s getting a taste of her own medicine and she does not like it. She doesn’t seem to know what to do about it either. So instead of talking to Owen about her feelings or seeing a therapist or going to talk to Amelia or calling Cristina up she’s having an affair. She’s having an affair with a man who loved and supported her when Owen choose Amelia over her and found her the perfect apartment for her, rented it, and then built her a crib for a baby that wasn’t even his. The woman’s got issues. Also I would love to see the conversation Meredith will be having with Cristina and Amelia about this nonsense when it all comes out. I can hear Cristina cackling from here. She called it in that parking lot all those years ago and Amelia called it at that party and Meredith called before each of their weddings. Owen and Teddy are a hot ass mess that don’t seem to know that they are a hot ass mess. I also love how Teddy has taken Tom from a loving involved partner to a hot hookup in two seasons. What the hell?

In other news, Richard is not doing well at all! Bailey runs into him in a hallway yelling at some movers. Catherine had all of his office stuff from Pac North brought to Grey Sloan and he is not having it. Richard says he doesn’t want it and Bailey says she’ll take care of it. A while later she pages him and we see that in an effort to help him feel better has had all of his old office stuff from Grey Sloan moved up from the basement. Bailey thinks this will help, but it doesn’t. Richard loses it and yells that what he wants is an empty office. Bailey says she’ll take care of it, but Richard says he’ll do it himself. Later Bailey comes to see him. He’s sitting in his empty office with only two chairs in it. He apologizes for the way he acted and says that he’s decided to step away from surgery and focus on his Path Pen and other medical innovations. Bailey is distraught and wants to know why. Richard refuses to tell her about his hand and instead says that he wants to go out on top and would like her support.

After we find Bailey and Meredith in the Attending’s Lounge. Meredith is miserable because her patients has died and at times like this Alex was always the one to cheer up with gallows humour. She says she misses him and doesn’t know how to do this without him or if she wants to. Bailey talks about how after that speech that Richard gave on their first day as interns she envisioned herself as the last one standing. She thought it would feel great, but then when Callie left and moved to New York she said it just felt lonely. Meredith thinks she’s talking about her and Alex, but she’s not. She tells her about Richard’s decision and now they’re both lonely together. I really liked Meredith’s comments here because Alex’s departure raises some interesting questions for her. Meredith moved back to Seattle because Ellis got sick and she stayed because she came to love working there and all of the people she loved most, her friends and later her family, were there. The other characters always wanted to move on, but she never did. It also brings up the question of if she’s going to move where does she move to? Moving to Switzerland or somewhere in Europe moves her closer to Cristina but farther away from Alex and all of her loved ones in Seattle. Moving to Kansas or somewhere near there moves her closer to Alex, but farther away from Seattle and Cristina.

It’s a Catch 22. No matter where she goes she’s moving closer to someone and farther away from someone else. That’s the issue that Meredith seems to be grappling with right now and I’ll be interested to see how it plays out. In other news, DeLuca has recovered from giving himself frostbite and it looks like Jackson was able to save his hands. Because of his off the wall behaviour Bailey has suspended his operating privileges. He’s now in mandated counselling with a therapist and can’t operate or treat patients until she signs off on him. She hasn’t because as we see in this episode DeLuca has taken no responsibility for his actions and is still in complete denial. He talks to her about how if he’d behaved differently those patients would have died. Which is both true and not true. Him giving Suzanne the drugs and going to get the liver saved those patients’ lives that’s true. That’s not in question. No one is questioning that. The problem is how he did it. He gave Suzanne the drugs without talking to Meredith about what he was doing in a manner that could have killed her if Meredith had already restarted the drug regiment. In order to retrieve the liver he voluntarily went out into a blizzard in below freezing temperatures without gloves on, gave himself frostbite, and almost lost his fingers in the process. That’s the problem.

He tells his therapist he’s not manic or experiencing any signs of mania. As his therapist points out if he didn’t think that was a possibility he wouldn’t be mentioning it. On some level, he knows he’s not well but he can’t admit it outright and that’s the problem. In the meantime, Bailey is having him transport patients and do menial tasks around the hospital that need doing. This is actually a pretty good idea as the hospital is currently over staffed in certain departments and understaffed in others and it allows the hospital to cover its ass. My guess is that they’re building to some big blow up where he’s going to wind up killing or severely injuring a patient or himself. I’m hoping they’re going to wrap this storyline up soon as I don’t care for DeLuca as a character, but there’s a chance that they’ll draw it out to the season finale.

Oh and just when you thought DeLuca couldn’t possibly be more of an ass than he already is? Hold onto your hats people because yes apparently he can! Before the episode ends we see Jo drinking a beer at Joe’s Bar. DeLuca walks up to her with a shot he bought for her that she clearly does not want and proceeds to completely trash Alex and call him an idiot and suggest that they take away each other’s pain and go to bed together! Jo is having none of this and clearly wants to be left alone. He says that Alex doesn’t respect her and that Meredith doesn’t respect him. He then reaches out to grab her chin and try to kiss her and that’s when Jo finally loses it and tosses that drink right in his big stupid face! Go Jo GO! Yes Jo! Slay! I cheered! 

Jo tells him that he’s not okay and he’s not acting like himself. That you need to listen to people when they tell you that and get help before it’s too late. She then grabs the beer she bought for herself and her purse and walks away. Oh my god! This scene made me scream with rage! There were a lot of people speculating that the writers would put Jo and Link together or Jo and DeLuca together and this episode squashed all of that and I’m so happy! DeLuca is such an ass! This scene makes me cringe just looking at it. Also, what is with DeLuca and the ‘no respect thing’ and comparing himself to men way out of his league? First Derek and now Alex. What the hell? DeLuca’s a resident who hasn’t picked a speciality and can barely do his job. Derek was a world class top 10 neurogod! Alex is the country’s best peds surgeon and an incredible doctor. 

He’s not on their level, he never will be, and no one respects him because he doesn’t respect himself and can’t do his job. Also, who does that? Who hits on someone and buys them a drink they didn’t ask for when their husband just left them for their ex-wife to live on a farm in Kansas because they found out that they had two kids they never knew they had? DeLuca apparently. Also, Jo totally called or texted or went to see Meredith and told her about this nonsense the first chance she got. As soon as she sobered up she told her because Queens support Queens. I think this scene also really speaks to Jo’s character as DeLuca behaves like a complete monster and in response she tells he’s not well and to get the help that he needs. Even when someone is hurting her she’s still trying to help them. The resilience. I stan. Oh and in other news Vic and Jackson broke up. I didn’t care for them as a couple and I honestly don’t care that they broke up. I’m totally apathetic on this one. 

Until next time!fjacks