#i love you mom i miss you and i hope to see you in my dreams
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artsninspo · 2 days ago
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003 | Richmond Inc.
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「 ✩ full library & archive ✩ 」
「 ✩ aaron pierre & characters library ✩ 」
⇚ 002
♠ summary: The forced proximity of a Swiss work trip makes Lorence's attempts at evading Mr. Richmond more challenging. Their already tense dynamic becomes all the more challenging when she finds out when he thinks of her terms and requests.
♠ pairing: Terry Richmond (Aaron Pierre - Rebel Ridge) X Lorence Cole (Black Fem OC)
♠ word-count: ~2.7K
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⌖ - St. Moritz, Switzerland
I check my watch noting my pulse is exactly where I need it to be. I can feel the blood rushing through my limbs as I dismount from my inversion looking at brave skiers taking on the slopes. I remove my mouth tape and take a deep breath. An integral of this position is being remarkable while not standing out too much physically. I need endurance and strength without looking like I train for a few hours a day in the gym. Morning yoga is my personal maintenance. I look out ahead and breathe deeply while admiring the serenity of the Swiss Alps. I could get used to this. I think to myself revelling in the privilege of the experience. Continuing my deep breathing I click off the noise cancellation on my headphones allowing the world back in and hear running. Frowning, I turn and find the Boss on the treadmill running with a large barbell over his shoulders evenly weighted with large black disks on either side. What the hell!? I think looking away before stealing a glance at him barrelling through his run in the mirror. He moves effortlessly with the deathtrap hitched on his shoulders like he’s carrying five pound dumbbells and not over a hundred pounds while running moderately. Of his own free will!
Maniac, I mutter snapping out of my thoughts. I manage to gather my things quickly, tossing them into my bag before disinfecting the mat I used. The cadence of his steps changes as he slows maintaining a slower speed and I wonder how he hast stopped yet. This tortuous exercise would have already murdered me. I feel self conscious in an instant when I remember my hair is in heat less rollers under a satin scarf and curse myself for leaving my room in this presentation.  Mr. Richmond provides a notable monthly stipend towards the maintenance and upkeep of his employees. My current appearance is a huge faux pas. Appearance is everything. Not in a homogenous and boring kind of way, but in an eclectic way we've got something for everyone, kind of way. I hardly look my part right now, I have never been in the presence of the boss without a face on. A bare face isn't something I’d usually be self-conscious about but around Mr. Perfect; I am.
The running stops and I’ve missed my window to leave without an interaction. He slows to a stop before putting down the weight. He’s barely sweating and not nearly exasperated enough to be fully human.
“Good morning” he calls over to me, his baritone reverberating through the empty gym.
“Good morning” I respond hoping he hasn’t put his contacts in since he isn’t wearing glasses but it’s a foolhardy wish for a man as prepared as him. My phone rings and I smile when I see my father has saved me from the beast.
“Hey Daddy” I smile, picking up. 
“Hi my love, I was just heading to bed I hoped you’d be up on time” Dad says.
“I am, thanks. I just finished yoga” I explain using the opportunity to get my bag on and slip out from under the Bosses nose. 
“What’s it like?” Dad asks and I wish he could see it for himself.
“Cold and gorgeous I’ll take lots of pictures when I get a chance.” I smile.
“Remember to take some time to see it, really see it and bring home fondue and chocolate for your mother and I” he adds.
“Chocolate, cheese and wine - got it. Mom won’t let me forget it. I’ll be through with her list” I tell him.
“Atta girl, well I’ll let you get ready. Call me if you need anything” daddy says as I pass the Boss.
“I will, thanks dad - see you soon” I tell him. He sends a kiss through the phone and I do the same making it out of the gym without having to make small talk with Mr. Richmond. Joel’s been on assignment and I haven’t heard a thing about my conditions. I move through the building heading back to my room to find the bed maid. I have a shower and spend more time than I should watching people ski down the mountain while doing my make up for the day. I spray perfume and then get dressed before packing a bag in case of any surprises. When I leave, people have already started breakfast. A chef is at work and names set out on serving cloches. I find mine and see a perfect breakfast respecting my dietary restrictions.
“Thank you chef” I smile, thanking the chef and he nods smiling back. I find a seat at the table in my own world as everyone partakes in conversation. I’m not a morning person and if I want my breakfast to settle I can’t be aggravated or anxious. The room is buzzing with good energy overall, everyone is excited to be in attendance. I’m anxious. Although I have no responsibilities this go round I like being in a conference room surrounded by computers being fed intel and finding a way through as opposed to being on the ground. We leave in groups, staggering our arrival times. Joel appears just as I’m about to get into my black truck. He smiles getting in with me.
“How are you?” You ask, getting on your seatbelt.
“This’ll take some adjusting to the timezone change & climate. I just finished a job in Australia - it’s summer there” he smiles.
“You know flying so much isn’t good for you.” I tell him.
“I know, I’m being rotated out for the next six months unless it’s eminent” Joel responds.
It’s great news. “I bet your kids will be happy”
“Not my wife though,” he mutters.
“I’m sure living with a hyper-vigilant, ex special forces nut isn’t easy” I tease and he chuckles.
“You’re supposed to be on my side” Joel remarks.
I give him a curt look. “I am on your side. You can’t do this forever. All your awards and accolades mean nothing without your family ensuring they’re celebrated and live on” I remind him.
Joel beams bright, “I forgot how much I missed you” he laughs, shaking his head dismissively at my sentimentality. I snap a few pictures of the mountains in genuine awe of their magnitude.
“This is the job, seeing the best the world has to offer” Joel says beside me.
“I know” I nod.
“The Boss didn’t agree,” Joel says, drawing my attention back to him. “Actually, he was pissed,” Joel says, shocking me. I give him a moment to tell me it's all a joke and when he doesnt my heart starts to race.
“Great” I sigh sarcastically.
“Offered you a $850k and an increased therapy stipend. You have until the end of the week to decide if the response is no, HR will terminate your employment.” Joel says looking guilty. Now, I’m really in shark infested waters.
“Joel!” I snap looking him over.
“Joel what, it’s practically a million dollars!” he shouts like he isn’t the one who secured my spot on the Bosses shit list.
“To be ripped into and harassed. You know he’s gonna make every penny worth his while” I snap. 
“You run things by me and I’ll do my best to catch any infractions. He really isn’t as bad as you think.” Joel says and I sigh near tears. I’m going to be out of a job. I think to myself with closed eyes. Maybe if I can manage it for a year then I can quit a million dollars richer? Maybe I can train for the verbal berating? My thoughts run wild and I take deep breaths.
“I’m sorry” Joel says finally. I open my eyes before cutting them over to him. “I’ll be home so I’ll have all the time in the world to be on call” he reminds.
“Whatever” I snap folding my arms. “I’m still not convinced,” I confess.
“It’s more money than the average person makes in their lifetime in a year. Think of all the good you can do with it. Think of all the potential investors and philanthropists you can meet?” Joel starts and his training is showing. He’s appealing to the things I value most.
The car stops and he gets the door. I put my game face on exiting behind him. We blend in with the understated upper echelon. In the field, what Richmond inc. is second to none, I spot my colleagues discreetly blending in amongst the crowd. Unlike the serious and burly security guards that are easy targets we blend in. Offering safety in numbers as well as increased observation. For the more curious attendees at these kinds of things our menial titles make us all the more visible. Consultants and special advisors are of little importance in most cases as they are far from where the money resides.
Joel and I separate as he schmoozes. His cover is that he’s an elite protection dog breeder. As a senior agent and not executive I don’t have that kind of story but no one pries when I tell them I’m his assistant. I’m a woman so it’s believable. I look the part and a few of them look at me like I’m a meal. It’s nothing I’m not used to in a sea of powerful men. They flirt and I giggle but that’s all it’ll ever be. I know better and this group works hard and plays harder. Not to kink shame but the shit they’re into turns my stomach. There are few novelties when you have as much money as they do. I tread lightly and make my rounds schmoozing and farming potential clients away from other security firms who are too busy eye fucking me to realize I may be why they’re out a job. When the keynote begins the rotunda leans out. The centre’s workers have their way with the decadent charcuterie boards and excess wine while myself and a few of my colleagues file out into our waiting cars.
They go skiing once we get back but I get out my notebook weighing my options with Mr Richmond’s counter offer heavy on my mind. The blank page stares back at me as I make the pros and cons list. I decide to try my hand at positivity first. The pay, the travel, the potential to meet incredible people. I pause from writing and look up at the ceiling to think. The amenities, the accommodations, the new experiences. I continue with my list until I begin to draw blanks. Are they really even pros when I currently make more than I need not by a longshot and can afford to put myself in the position to enjoy everything listed? I groan, tearing the page and tossing it into the modern black stoned fireplace. I know the cons intimately. Chronic stress from existing under a microscope, anxiety that would snowball into a skewed self-perception about my value and what I deserve. Verbal tirades that would also be intimidating and dramatic because of how big the brute is. Turning my head I watch the paper burn and try to find alternatives. Perhaps exposure therapy? Only being tougher and having thicker skin is not something I aspire to at this time in my life. I’ve faced about fear to tack on another one for the sake of greed and prestige.
Disappointed greenish blue-grey eyes find me in my thoughts where they are unwelcome. It would be easier if he wasn't so damn handsome, then everyone would hate him and we wouldn't have to pretend he’s this pleasant person to be around. Maybe then, he’d be nicer too - or just normal instead of so abrasive. 
What if I just ignore what Joel told me and continue in my current position? But that would only work until the Bosses patience runs out. All I’d need to do is stand my ground. I have half a decade of nearly perfect reviews to make being fired an unjust and unlawful termination. Unfortunately, being in a litigious battle with Mr. Richmond is a terrifying idea. 
I decide to stop worrying and make the most of the present. I put on my base layer before my thermals and a snowsuit for my solo adventure up and down the slopes. I make sure I have everything before heading out of my room with a slightly awkward waddle. Smiling, I take a photo for my girls back home. My hair is braided and put away under a fleece hat to keep it from freezing. The elevator dings and I walk in before looking up. Big mistake. Just the man I want to avoid is the one standing in there with me.
“Lobby?” he asks and I nod swallowing my smile. I see the lobby button is already illuminated.
“Sir” I force a polite smile.
“Miss Cole” he nods back. It’s the first time I’ve regretted our penthouse accommodations. It's a long way down. 
“Is Mr. Jameson back yet?” The Boss asks, referring to Joel.
“I believe he’s still at the convention,” I respond.
“Have you two had a chance to speak yet?” Mr. Richmond pries.
“About?” I ask as the elevator doors reopen.
“Well hello handsome” she says in full winter gear. Her husband shakes his head completely ignoring his wifes antics. Well, I assume he’s her husband. “Ooo wee, Earl don’t you think one of the girls would love him”  she says, elbowing her husband who is clearly ready to be outside. But Earl chuffs committed to not looking up at Mr. Richmond and it amuses me - Earl and I are on the same page.
“Cheryl quit” he says instead with a thick southern american accent.
I stifle a giggle and he looks up at me with an annoyed smirk. He makes a talking gesture with his hand before pointing to his wife, who is still admiring Mr. Richmond. He motions that his Wife's talking too much like a kid sneakingly mocking their teacher in class.
“Forty five years and she’s always got new material” he whispers, reminding me of my own parents. THeir irritation with each other is always second to their love.
“I bet that keeps things interesting” I respond and his eyes light.
“You bet,” he laughs, highly amused.
“Now Earl, nothing she says could be that funny” she chides him as the elevator sounds and the doors open. Earl throws his hands up in defeat heading out first and Cheyl gives Mr. Richmond a wave. I use the confusion to my advantage putting on my gloves and heading to the chalet where snowboards can be rented. The Boss will have to schedule a meeting with me where I can be prepared. This ordeal is hardly an ad hoc conversation. I live below my means and take care of my people so the money doesn’t seduce me. I like nice things but I have more of them than I have time for right now. The money I have been squirrelling away was for travel with my family. My priority is to smell the roses with the people I love. 
I’m modest with my ascend up the slopes and do a moderate slope instead of going all the way up the mountain. I snowboard down a few times before taking my daddy’s advice. I FaceTime him while enjoying swiss fondue. Momma makes sure I write down everything for her gastronomy blog and I take lots of photos. I return to the hotel with a box of goodies and the doorman rushes to help me with it. The common area has a sprinkle of people. We talk about the convention and the weather before turning in.
My nightly routine is still in place. Before winding down completely I do a final once over of my emails and make sure all is going well with my team while I am away. I’m about to close out of my emails when one comes in from the Boss. I swallow hard looking at the encrypted email and slam my laptop shut. I try decompressing by brushing my team only to check my work phone and see I have a 9:00 a.m meeting with the man himself tomorrow morning.
FUCK!
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authors note: thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this part, let me know what your favorite part was in the comments. Don't forget to like, comment, reblog and vote on the polls đŸ–€
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jostystyles · 2 days ago
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when i run out of road, you bring me home | sj
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a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARVY SORRY YOU LOST :( but anyways, this is a culmination of me yapping to @mattyanonwrites about jarvy. i also had casual by chappell roan stuck in my head writing this, so it’s loosely based off that as well. and also happy bday harry styles there’s references to you in here too.
warnings: mentions of marijuana and alcohol, brief mentions of sex
word count: 2.1k. this was supposed to be a blurb.
The blare of the alarm broke him out of a peaceful sleep. The kind that makes you not want to get up, and just stay in the comfort of the blankets and shielded from the real world. Seth sighed as he rolled over to silence the alarm, scrolling through the slew of texts he was already receiving. If he wasn’t already awake, he was now after seeing the notification he’s always looking for.
12:07 am
(Y/N) đŸ€’
happy birthday jarvy :) hope you have the best day. miss you and sorry i won’t be around today to see you.
His heart clenched, as he realized she was the first person that texted him. She was also the only person he wanted to actually see today. In all honesty, she was the only person he really wanted to see ever. He’d take her in any capacity he could get. Loving the message and replying with a quick “thanks, miss you” and dragged himself out of bed to go in the shower. As the water cascaded down his body, he couldn’t help but let the memories flow of just last week when she was here with him, their bodies wet and flush to each other as one. Turning the water cold, Seth shook his head and dragged his hands down his face with a sigh.
He rode to the rink in silence, aside from a nice phone call with his mom, the only thing surrounding him was the sound of Carolina by Harry Styles coming from his speakers. It was a song (Y/N) added to his playlist as a joke, but one he’d grown to genuinely enjoy. (In all honesty, he actually enjoyed Harry’s music which is something he’d never admit to anyone) Surprisingly, he was the last one to arrive to the arena for morning skate, a role which was usually reserved for KK. As if they had it rehearsed, the second he set foot in the room he was met with the glaring shrieks of Martinook and immediately encapsulated in a three way hug by KK, Andrei and Burnzie.
“Happy birthday Jarvyman!”
“Gee thanks guys,” he exclaimed, “I was afraid that blink 182 lyric was true for a second there.”
Rolling his eyes and shoving Seth away, Andrei let out a chuckle.
“You pumped for the late evening, eh? Win or lose tonight we are getting very drunk. Rented out the Local for a good time.”
Seth smiled, replying with a laugh of “Hell yeah man.”
Andrei noticed his friends spirit was a little deflated.
“Yeah? Any chance of uh, you know who making an appearance?”
Like a sleeper agent, Seth’s demeanor activated from distracted to focused almost instantly.
“Uh, probably not. She texted me that she won’t be around today. She’s stuck in New York City with work.”
That’s why he was sad, Andrei realized. (Y/N) wouldn’t be in attendance. He might be playing with fire by saying this, but he just had to ask.
“You guys are still doing that casual thing, yes?”
Sliding his practice sweater over his pads, Seth nodded.
“Yeah, if that’s what you wanna call it.”
Casual. Except he was eating her out in the passenger seat of his car the other day. Casual, when her mom invited him to their beach house for (Y/N)’s birthday in the summer.
He had no right to be as upset as he was. She wasn’t his girlfriend. In all honesty, he didn’t even know what she was anymore. Three months ago, she was the frazzled college girl he met his first year in Raleigh that became his best friend. The girl he couldn’t live without. Three months ago, she was the girl whose couch he cried on after his ex girlfriend cheated on him. One thing led to another, and the next thing he knew they were waking up naked and agreeing to keep it casual. But Seth liked to be stupid, and the guys teased him for it. He realized been in love with (Y/N) over the summer, and has done nothing but daydream about it to anyone but her. Nellie laughed and called him a romantic when he was wasted and told her and KK about his feelings, saying how he saw (Y/N) living in his apartment, her cats, and maybe they’d have a dog by then. And she’d take him with her and show him off to her friends back home.
“No attachment, right?”
He should’ve said no. Please. I’m attached. But instead, he agreed. A decision he was certainly regretting right now as he threw back his third green tea shot of the night, chasing it with a sip of his beer.
Jesperi sighed watching his best friend sulk at his own birthday party. In the next 5 minutes though, he was either going to go down as the best friend in the world or never be spoken to again. Glancing down at his phone, the message he’d been anxiously awaiting most of the night came through.
11:39 pm
(Y/N)
ubers 2 min out. do you think he’s onto us yet?
No. He doesn’t suspect a thing. Walking around the whole day like a sad puppy. Even looked dejected after he scored
fuck yeah. not that he’s sad, but this is going to be the best surprise ever. i’m here. keep him distracted
Realizing Seth was about to turn and head his direction, he raced forward to slap him on the back and keep him facing away from the door.
“Eh buddy, enjoying your night?”
“Yeah man this is awesome. I’m kinda beat though, think I’m gonna head out soon.”
KK squinted, pulling his head back a bit. “Leaving your own birthday party early? You good Jarvyman?”
Seth shrugged. “Yeah. ‘sides (Y/N) said she was gonna call me when she got to her hotel from the event she was at, but she hasn’t called me yet.” As soon as he stopped talking, he felt a pair of soft arms snake around his waist.
“Yeah, sorry about that. My plane got delayed a few times. Sorry I’m late to the party.”
Whipping around faster than he could on skates, he was met with his favorite smile and the prettiest eyes he’d grown fond of looking into blinking excitedly at him.
“(Y/N)? You’re here? I thought- New York, and you’d be stuck until tomorrow, and
oh my god.” he trailed off, burying his head into her neck and breathing in the scent of her. He could feel the tears pricking his eyes as he swayed her back and forth.
Giggling, (Y/N) murmured into his ear, “Of course I’m here, Seth. I would’ve never missed this. Happy birthday my dear.” she finished, pressing a soft kiss to his scruffy cheek.
“Can we leave? Now, please? Just wanna be with you.” He mumbled back, still holding onto her.
“Already? I just got here! At least let me say hi to everyone before I go-“
“You’ll see them at the next game. Let’s go.” He said, grabbing her hand and dragging her away from the bar. As they raced out, (Y/N) waved at Andrei and Jaccob, who were beside themselves with laughter at Seth’s sudden desire to leave his own party. Thankful he moved his car across the lot after the game, Seth opened (Y/N)s door for her before climbing into his own side of the car.
“I can’t believe you’re here right now. For the record, worst surprise ever. You showed up with only an hour left in my birthday.” He teased, fingers tapping the steering wheel with anxiety.
“Yeah well tell that to mother nature. I tried to get in so I could at least see the game, but we couldn’t depart JFK until the storm passed. I had to warn KK before puck drop to update our plans.”
“He was in on this?”
“Yeah, always. As soon as I found out I was going to come home today I texted him.”
“You guys suck. I don’t like being left out.”
(Y/N) laughed. “Jarvy, we were surprising you. We kind of had to leave you out.”
“Well yeah, but that doesn’t stop me from getting FOMO.”
The elevator ride up to his apartment was silent, which was unlikely for Seth. (Y/N) could tell he was on edge, and she wasn’t sure why. Before she could let her thoughts wander further, the bell dinged and they walked out hand in hand to his door.
Seth’s heart was racing. From almost bawling like a baby at the sight of her, he really hadn’t talked to (Y/N) that much since she got here. But in his own defense he didn’t think he’d have to do this so soon. Since she left last week, (Y/N) had left a void in Seth’s life. He’d always had her in some capacity since they came into each other’s lives. But lately, since they started whatever this thing they had going on, he craved her in every way imaginable. If all it took for him to realize he finally had to tell her how he felt was her going out of town, he’d have bought her a ticket a long time ago.
They stepped into his apartment, leaving their shoes by the door. As soon as (Y/N)s second boot was off her foot, Seth’s hands were grabbing her face, bringing it towards his own. His lips were soft on hers, and she could taste the cheap beer he’d been nursing all night. (Y/N) loved kissing him, but this one was different. Usually, every kiss they shared was fueled by pure lust, the marijuana smoke in their lungs or liquor in their veins providing accelerant. But this one, right now, was one fueled by something different.
Pulling away from her, his brown eyes wide, he rambled out, “I need to tell you something. Let’s go.”
“Seth. Honey, you’re scaring me. You’ve been weird all night, is everything okay?” (Y/N) asked, as they made their way to the couch.
“Yes it’s ok. I promise. Just please, listen to me, ok?” Seth replied, sliding himself into a position where he was kneeling in front of her, his head resting against her tummy. They’d been in this position many times before, but in his eyes this was the most intimate one yet.
“I don’t think I can be casual anymore. It’s getting too hard for me. Because I think it feels too real. And that’s what I want. The real thing. With you.”
“Seth, honey-“
“Wait please, let me get it out before you say anything, ok?” She nodded to him in response.
“I want to be yours. Your favorite bra is in my dresser, and I know my favorite jacket is at your place. I can’t call it casual when I was on the phone talking your sister down from dropping out of soccer. Or when you’re texting with Kayden about what he should buy his girlfriend at Ulta. Because that to me means we’re in this. And I try to be chill about it, and you know I love to talk but I try to hold my tongue on that topic because I want to give you space and not overwhelm you. But it’s overwhelming me. And I hate that I let this drag on so long because now I’m hating myself for not telling you sooner.”
“Oh, Jarvy. Don’t you know how much I love you?” (Y/N) replied, her acrylic nails scratching his head softly.
Seth must have died and gone to heaven. “You do?”
“Of course I do. I should’ve told you sooner. That night you kissed me, I decided that I’d have you in whatever way I could. And that meant being casual so it would hurt less when you eventually got tired of me. Because you were never really mine” (Y/N) confessed, sort of feeling a weight lift off her chest. She’s loved him for so long.
Seth moved so he was on top of her, her back pressed to the corner of the couch, their legs intertwined at the opposite end. “I love you. I love you so much. You’re my best friend. I’ll never get tired of you.”
(Y/N) giggled, leaning forward slightly to capture his lips in a quick kiss. “I know that now, silly boy.”
Seth rested his head on her boobs, his arms squeezing her waist a little tighter. Eyes closed, he laid there for a few minutes, listening to the beat of her heart, following the rise and fall of her breathing, and feeling the warmth of her hands in his hair.
“You know what would be the best birthday gift ever?”
“What’s that, honey?”
“For you to be my girlfriend.”
(Y/N) let out a cackle. “Well, it’s a good thing you asked because I left your other gift at my apartment.”
Jesperi was definitely getting an expensive gift for his birthday this year.
tags: @comphyjost @ilyasorokinn @lam-ila @2manytabsopen @laurenairay @leafsbabe
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bloodlineslut · 1 day ago
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The Law of Obsession (Ch. 2) | Roman Reigns
Pairings: Roman Reigns x black! OC
Warnings: none
Summary: Laila meets a new friend at the cafe who has ties to Roman.
Word Count: 2.3k
A/N: MM MM MMM. I can only imagine what Roman sounds like over the phone when it's just you and him talking. Like warm butter.
Laila was jolted out of her sleep by the blaring sound of her alarm, blindly feeling around in her bed to turn off the incessant noise that made its way into her dream.
Her dream.
Her eyes shot open, trying to think back and remember all of it, but failing, only remembering bits and pieces.
She was sitting curled up on his lap, all of her weight resting on his firm thigh. His warm hands rubbing up and down her smooth legs that she just shaved and exfoliated.
Laila was the only one paying attention to the action movie they were watching. Engrossed by the film’s plot, she blindly shoved popcorn in her mouth from the large bowl Roman made for them.
Although it seemed like Roman was also watching the movie, his mind was occupied with her beauty and aura.
He couldn’t help but stare at the side of her pretty face, seeing that dimple appear every time she moved her mouth.
She could feel his stare on her and turned to look at him. “Roman! You’re not watching the movie
” She whined, grabbing his hand and playing with his fingers.
“I am babygirl. I promise.” He says, stroking his beard with his other hand.
He genuinely smiles for the first time in a long time, knowing that he was her protector.
Knowing that she was his.
All Laila could remember was that they were curled up in a mansion and watching The Fast & The Furious.
She zoned out in thought, a goofy smile creeping on her face.
“Ugh. Girl stand up, you just met him yesterday.” She tells herself as she sits up in her full size bed, adorned with pink and white sheets, pillowcases, a comforter, and fuzzy blanket.
She was so glad it was Saturday now, but she still wanted to get some homework and a little more studying done.
Going back to the café popped into her mind.
Grabbing her phone from under her pillow, she sees what time it is.
11:24 AM.
Having a little pep in her step today, she decides to actually take time to get ready and maybe pick out a sporty, but cute outfit.
The weather app said it was 73 degrees out so she could pull out the shorts today.
Opening the doors to her color coordinated closet, she goes to the black and white section. She reaches for the hanger that holds a black dri-fit tank top and pulls out black running shorts from her drawers. Then, she decides to do a white sports bra that had the criss-cross straps in the back for a pop of color.
After doing her daily morning routine that consisted of washing her face, doing skincare, and brushing her teeth, now she could start with makeup.
Before she could start though, she remembered her playlist wasn’t on yet.
Doing her makeup was pretty simple, as she liked to keep it pretty natural.
But the new song that began playing made her think of him.
She didn’t even have time to start fantasizing about what kind of boyfriend he would be, as her mom’s phone call pulled her out of her thoughts.
“Hey momma!”
“Hi my baby! How are you? I didn’t hear from you last night
” Her mother’s loving tone sounds through the speaker.
“Oh, yea sorry mom. I was really tired and forgot to call you.” She quickly makes up a lie, hoping it wouldn’t turn into a big thing.
“Okay
I just want to know that you’re safe. Your father is at work but he says he loves you, and we miss you!” Laila could just hear the tender smile in her mother’s voice.
“I miss you and dad too!”
“So, have you made any friends up there? From your classes or anything?” Laila picked up her phone and carried it with her while she walked to the kitchen in her apartment.
Setting the phone down on the counter, she continues the conversation. “Um
no not really. But mom, I’m also the type of person where someone has to talk to me first.” She reaches up to the cabinet, grabbing a glass to put her iced coffee into.
“I know honey. Maybe you could find a club for something that you like? That’s always a good place to start. Or go to a football game!” Her mother throws suggestions out there.
Going to a football game honestly didn’t even cross her mind, until now.
“I would love to go to a game, but I can’t go by myself. That’s lame, momma.”
“Okay, okay. I’m sure you’ll find someone to go with you
” Her mother says, trying to keep her hopes up.
“Yea hopefully
”
“Alright, well honey I have to head to the grocery store to get some things for dinner tonight. Your father and I love you, so much.” She hears her mom blow a kiss through the phone.
“I love ya’ll too. Send me pics of what you make too!”
“Okay my baby. Good bye and be safe.”
“Bye momma.” She hangs up the phone and looks at her counter for a minute.
Before Laila knew it, she finished her glass of coffee and rinsed it out, setting it in the sink. She went to her bedroom to put her black Nike’s on and to grab her backpack and car keys.
Arriving at the café, there were definitely more people there than any other time. She spotted an empty table near the counter and walked to it, sitting down.
Her to-do list had a few things on it, so she told herself that she would finish everything so the rest of her day was free. The first thing was to take a syllabus quiz for her finance class.
Knocking that out in about 15 minutes, she decided to reward herself with a treat.
Since she already had coffee this morning, she was thinking of just eating one of the café’s signature muffins.
Luckily, the line was going down, so she closed her laptop and got in line behind another black girl.
“Hey, you go to UMiami?” The girl in front of her turns around and nicely asks her.
“Yea I do! You go there too?”
“Oh no,” she laughed. “Some of my friends go there, though. I’m Naomi, by the way.” Naomi reaches her hand out to shake Laila’s.
“Hi, I’m Laila!” They smile at each other, shaking hands.
“So Laila, help a girl out. What you get when you come here?”
Laila laughed, happy that she finally met someone that she could potentially be friends with.
Other than Roman.
“Lemme see. Their coffee is really good, but I already had some. But the muffins look good though, so I think I want that.” She points out the 3 different flavors of muffins the cafĂ© offered.
“Blueberry sugar, chocolate chip,” Naomi gasps. “And strawberry?! I gotta get that one.” She claps her hands together, making Laila laugh.
“You’re so funny!”
“Girl, it be my husband I swear. He’s so silly and I think it rubs off on me.”
“You’re married? Wow, it must be nice
” She half joked as they moved up in the line.
“That’s what they tell you at first. Then they just get on your nerves
” She paused. “No, I love my pookie, though. His name is Jimmy.” Naomi informs her new friend.
As they told each other more things about themselves, they finally got to the counter and placed their orders. Naomi got her strawberry muffin and a lemonade, while Laila just got a blueberry sugar muffin.
She told Naomi that if she didn’t have anywhere to be, she could sit and eat with her at the table.
“Do you have homework and stuff?” Naomi asked as she took a bite of the muffin, moaning slightly at the taste.
“Yea, but thankfully it’s not a lot.”
“What’s your major?”
“Accounting! I graduate next spring.” Laila takes a bite of her muffin, now halfway eaten. She loved the taste of the sugar crystals that were on top.
“Oh you’re good with numbers.” Naomi said the thing that everyone always says when they find out Laila’s major.
“Oh my gosh, that’s what Roman said too.” Laila muttered the last part of that sentence.
“That’s what who said?” The muffin that was on its way to Naomi’s mouth stopped mid air, as she raised an eyebrow.
“This guy I met yesterday. It was actually here too.” Laila explained to Naomi, thinking back to her and Roman’s encounter yesterday.
“What’s his name again?” Naomi wanted to make sure she heard correctly. She could’ve swore Laila said Roman.
“Roman.”
Naomi’s eyes bulged damn near out of her sockets.
Laila furrowed her eyebrows in confusion at her reaction. “Wait, you know him?”
Naomi looked around in disbelief. “Girl, that’s my husband’s cousin! That’s crazy. You met Roman Roman? Like, he’s tall with a man bun and a beard?” Naomi moved her hands, modeling all three descriptions as they came out of her mouth.
“Yes! He’s really nice. I wasn’t expecting that to happen yesterday
” Laila looked away in thought and Naomi was glad because if only this girl knew.
“Jimmy ain’t gon’ believe this.” Naomi was already planning to tell him as soon as she got home. Jimmy always said Roman was gonna die single because he could never keep just one woman.
“Well, did he give you his number? I’m nosey.” Naomi was very well aware of what Roman did under the table for a living, but they all swore to keep it a secret.
“No. He actually gave me his law firm’s business card.” Laila pulls it out of her wallet, showing it to Naomi.
She takes it from her hands. “Yep, that’s him.” She turns the card over, seeing and recognizing Roman’s handwriting.
“Um Laila?” Naomi turns the card around, showing Laila the back. “Did you see this part?”
Laila takes the card back, looking closely at the number, clearly in handwriting and not typed.
“Is this his cell phone number?” Laila asks with wide eyes.
“Mmhmmm.” Naomi sips her lemonade, looking around the cafĂ©. “Speaking of numbers, we should exchange.”
Laila can’t believe she didn’t see this until now. She must’ve been so engrossed with his presence that she didn’t notice him write it on the card before handing it to her.
Naomi handed her her phone to put in the contact info, then she texted the number so Laila could save it.
Throughout the rest of their conversation, Laila tried to pay attention, but her mind kept running back to Roman.
‘Should I call him first?’
‘Wait, no I don’t wanna seem desperate.’
‘But how is he gonna call me? He doesn’t have my number
’
“Laila you ain’t hear anything I just said.” Naomi catches her red handed.
Her mouth opens then closes in shame. “I’m sorry girly.”
Naomi gives a smug smile. “It’s okay, I know you over there thinking about your man,” Laila’s jaw drops, making Naomi giggle. “I gotta leave anyway. Jimmy talking about some he wants to get food even though he’s supposed to be on a diet.” She rolls her eyes.
“Oh, okay.” Laila chuckles slightly.
Naomi stands up, gathering her things before bending down to give Laila a goodbye hug.
“Text or call me sometime! Maybe we can do double dates in the future?” She winks at Laila and they both laugh.
Laila just shakes her head, seeing Naomi get in her car.
Forcing herself to finish her other 3 assignments in record time, she lets out a deep breath turning in the last one. She gathers all of her things, shoving them in her backpack and throwing away her trash.
Walking outside, she catches herself looking around for a tall man with man bun and beard. She wouldn’t be lying if she wasn’t a little bummed at not running into him again.
But at least she has a girl friend now.
Once in her car, she checks the time.
3:25 PM.
Driving to Cava, she gets her usual bowl before making her way back to her apartment.
A couple of hours later, she was laying in her bed under the comfort of her fuzzy blankets, watching TV. The soft glow of the television illuminated her room, but she wasn’t really paying much attention to it.
Her phone began to buzz on top of her nightstand.
Expecting it to be her mom, she instinctively reaches to pick it up, but was met with an unknown number.
Her brows knitted together in confusion, but the thought that it could be Roman crossed her mind and she hurriedly swiped to answer it.
He was the first one to speak. “Laila.”
Her stomach immediately did that flip thing at the sound of his voice—deep, smooth, but laced with an unreadable, underlying emotion.
Oh, that deep sultry voice made her stomach do that flip thing.
“Yeah? Roman?”
“Hi.” He says with slight hesitation, testing the waters out.
“Hi.” She echoed and smiled, feeling like a school girl that had a crush on a boy in her class.
“So you met Naomi today?”
“Oh, um—yea I did! She told me her husband and you are cousins.” She says, fiddling with the pink bonnet that was on her head.
Roman let out a breathy chuckle. “Yea, Jimmy and his brother Jey. We grew up together.” The fondness of talking about his family was evident in his voice. Everyone always thought that they were triplets wherever they went.
“Aw, ya’ll must be really close?”
“Oh yeah. They get on my nerves, but I love them though.” This makes Laila laugh, warming Roman’s heart at hearing that joyous sound.
“Yea, I can tell. Naomi talks about Jimmy like he worships the ground she walks on.” Laila thinks back to when Naomi was telling her about their wedding day.
There was a moment of silence between the two.
“Yeah. When you have something real with someone, you hold on to it.” His words revered through her ear as she idly played with the design on her blanket.
There was an unspoken meaning behind the words Roman was saying.
“
That’s a good way to put it.” Laila breathed out, her heart racing and thumping in her chest.
Roman could sense that she was nervous. Hell, he was too.
But only a little.
“Well. I know you probably have some things you need to do so
I won’t keep you long.” She could hear the ruffles of papers in the background.
“Are you still at work?”
“I am, but I’m about to drive home.” He smirks even though she can’t see it.
“Oh, okay. Well
I hope you make it home safe.” She says sweetly, really meaning her words.
“I will. Can I call you tomorrow?” He asks her.
Laila quickly nods her head, but she realizes he can’t see that. “Yes! That’s fine.”
Her excitement amused Roman. “Okay. Good night Laila.”
“Good night
” She echoed and the call disconnected.
She leaned back against her bed’s headboard and just stared at the ceiling, finally feeling like she was going to really like it here.
taglist!: @duhitzkay380 @emotionalhottiee @minsingular @potatosackk @vebner37 if you would like to be tagged, just comment!!
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bellixpog · 2 days ago
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Sticky, like chewing gum- Kang Sae-Byeok
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pair: Sae Beok×F!Reader
context: She's your clingy best friend.
warning: none.
words: 3,4k
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It was 3:30 in the afternoon, and the sun was shining all over Seoul. You adjusted the woven bag on your shoulder and rang the doorbell of house 067, your best friend's house. A tall lady with medium-length dark brown hair answers the door with her friendly smile. "Min-young, darling! Come in, come in..." You greet the lady with a small "Hi" and a nod, entering the house that was already quite familiar to you. As soon as you stepped into the room, a five-foot tall figure hugged your legs, making you almost lose your balance."Min-young! Did you come here to play board games with me?" The child asks, with a wide smile. You let out a laugh, and bend down to the boy's level, ruffling his soft hair. "Well... Not today, Cheol. Today I'm going out with your annoying sister" The child lets out a laugh, fixing his hair "Don't let Sae hear this..." Cheol whispered, placing his index finger in front of his small lips.
"Don't let me hear what?" You glanced over your shoulder, seeing Sae standing there with one eyebrow raised and both hands in her coat pocket. "None of your business," you replied, standing up and crossing your arms. "You're in my house, I have a right to know," Sae says, pressing a finger to your waist, and you instinctively take a step to the side. "She's in my house, miss. And I say you have nothing to do with what she and your brother say." Mrs. Soo-yeon says, walking past Sae and giving her a peck on the back of the neck, and winking at me, heading towards the kitchen. "You're stealing from my family, you thief" "Shut up, you love me."
You say, hugging Sae's neck, and kissing her temple. Sae rolls her eyes, and starts pressing her fingers into your waist. "Are you sure? I think you're crazy." Your laughter echoes through the entrance hall "Stop! Stop... Let's get going before the park gets full of children" Sae sighs, and picks up her house keys. "Are you guys coming back for dinner?" Sae's mother asks, flashing an enthusiastic smile. "Of course!" You answer, opening the front door. Mrs. Soo-yeon smiles and Sae rolls her eyes, pushing me out of the house. "See you later mom, see you later Cheol! Be good!" The little boy smiles, nodding his head and goes back to writing and goes back to the couch, watching TV.
When you arrived at the park, you noticed that Sae was quieter than usual. You placed your bag on the fresh grass of the park and stood face to face with the girl. "Hey... What happened? You're quieter than usual" Her tone is one of concern and curiosity. The girl's gaze meets yours, and she presses her lips into a thin line. "You didn't hug me properly today..." The girl murmurs, and looks down at the grass, biting your inner cheek. You let out a laugh, which made Sae glare at you, but with a slight blush on her cheeks. You sighed and hugged the girl's neck, smelling her hair.Sae wrapped her arms around your waist, and lifted you off the ground, making you let out a loud, surprised laugh.As your cheek was attacked with quick kisses from Sae, you felt a comforting warmth grow in your body, and another specific warmth on your cheeks.
"Okay, okay clingy girl...Put me down, please!" Sae sighed, and set you down on the ground, and you adjusted your clothes. The rest of your afternoon was spent with Sae sitting on the grass, and you with your head in her lap. Lots of affection and forehead kisses were certainly present that afternoon.
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This one is so small, I lost the original I had written, I had to rewrite everything again and Sunday is certainly not a good day for me to write
But that's it babies, hope you liked it
Xoxo!
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fantasticgothicpeachsludge · 2 months ago
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There’s no way Jayce came out of the fucking Infection Dimension perfectly healthy except for his leg (and his mental health)
He had an open wound on his back before he even went in!! and then the one we saw on his leg! (which was broken in fucking half!!) like did y’all see how thick the fog was?? He was breathing that shit in for months!! That man was probably dying!!!
#we should have seen him take a pause in his speech to cough for like thirty minutes#what kind of fucked up cocktail of gas was in that fog bro#like The Gray and every other drug smog gas from the factory’s mixed together with fucking magic#how much crazier would the Jayvik parallels be if Jayce had coughed up blood at some point#still crying over how much weight he lost#my baby
#did he even get to see his mom before he and Vik disappeared?#did he get to hug her?#tell her he was sorry and that he loved her?#did she get to make him his first hot meal in months?#did she hold him while he cried?#did she even know he was back before he was gone again?#imagine being Ximena and your son shows up at your door after being missing for months over half a year#and he’s lost weight his hair is grown and unkempt and he’s covered in scars and he has a brace on his leg which is clearly injured#and he cries in your arms when you hug him like he hasn’t since he was seven#and you tell him to come in to eat to tell you what happened and if he’s okay and he tries but none of it really makes since to you except#the grief. the grief you can understand you lost your partner after all you know what that kind of grief looks like#and after you’ve feed him and held him and took care of him he leaves again to try and save his partner and then you never see him again#and you’ll never know what happened to him and his partner#but all you can hope for was that he was able to save him and where ever they are their together#I am spiraling over Ximena Talis right now in the tags of my mostly jokey post#I love the Talis’ so much#jayce talis#ximena talis#I’m tagging her because of the tags#it is 11 at night I have a cold and I am spiraling about the Talis’ right now#and just like Jayce should have been I am coughing like there’s no tomorrow
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degenerateshinji · 1 month ago
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happy new year!! thank you to everyone who supported me this yearđŸ«¶
here's all my favourite artworks i made and all my favourite spider photos i took this year
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pardonmydelays · 8 months ago
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i had so much fun last night omg
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mer-se · 9 months ago
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I could cry
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koishua · 7 months ago
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will be cutting out all processed sugars. thank you and pls wish me luck
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aromanticasterisms · 8 months ago
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oh man no wonder i'm missing my little guys recently. we haven't seen kaeya in almost a year
#personal stuff#delete later#a month from now marks one year since his hangout....#head in hands.... kaeya come back i miss you#yes i Know he has a hangout i can replay at any time that also has his brother in it. not the same#diluc showed up back in march with his normalguysona and kaeya sent a letter but it's just not the same...#i miss the ragbros insanity that 2.8 and 3.1 inflicted upon me. i miss bouncing off the walls thinking about them and their new lore#can they come back and do something that makes me relive that sometime soon. please. for me#not sure who's going to be in the summer event this year. probably not going to be either of them but can it be Someone i care abt#for the most part they have been? like 1.6 was THE found family slash siblings vacation#2.8 was my girlie fischl and also hidden strife#then 3.8 was kaeya and klee and collei and kokomi#come on let's keep up this energy. this will be THE mondstadt update TRUST#like come onn venti and lisa both told us to come back to mondstadt before setting off for somewhere new......#like at this point i have very little hope for mondstadt character story quest 2. i used to hope for it w every update but now it's like#who fucking knows. we'll wait until snezhnaya i guess. that's when venti and diluc will probably be relevant again#jean miiight get a second one after natlan depending on what happens to varka's expedition? since her mom is there i think#manifesting a second razor quest then too. we know what the rifthounds are now + varka coming back would be a good setup#and klee might get one whenever we meet alice. i have my thoughts but idk when Exactly that'll be#but lisa's thing probably won't be relevant for a while either considering its connection to the abyss order#and kaeya and albedo... yeah.#but like. i'd love to see amber go to liyue and find her grandpa or something :(#and like. fuck it i would love to see a second xiangling quest too.
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adore-gregor · 1 month ago
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.
#holidays have not been what i hoped for so far 😔😔#well the first week was good but then i got sick 😭#and it's been so awful#having a cough is literally the worst i couldn't sleep it was so bad#and i couldn't even enjoy doing anything really because you can't properly focus on the thing bc ur coughing non stop#i hate it sm#and today it was gone all day only that now it is back altough not as bad as before but still#it always gets worse in the evening#like help i just want this to end#what made it even worse i had real plans to study and now i barely got anything done 😭😭#and now i'm scared for exams bc i couldn't follow the plan altough i still have more than 2 and 3 weeks left#in my mind i already think i'm gonna do badly bc i need to study more i'm afraid#and i'm also upset at myself even though it's not my fault i got sick but i keep thinking i still could have done more ughh#to make it even worse i coudn't play tennis for a whole week and i was so looking forward to playing everyday (and improving) 😱😱#i couldn't do any sports or see anyone i miss it sm#i hope at least in the new year i can do stuff again đŸ„ș#it was just the worst cold/flu and idk why whenever i get it it's that extreme đŸ˜”â€đŸ’«#or idk is it normal that you can't sleep bc of it ... i just don't wanna get sick again ever lmao it's the worst#i guess christmas was still nice it wasn't that bad then and it was a lovely day with my family :)#and our tree was really pretty this year and i'm really happy with my gifts and also those i gifted đŸ„°#the week before was good i did play lots of tennis and i went on a christmas market with uni friend and to vienna for a trip with my mom ^^#but maybe it was too much sometimes i wonder if i do something wrong or if it is just bad luck like i did train a lot#and i played a tennis match for my club and won against a higher ranked opponent so yay 😁#and i played really well i feel like i once again really improved my level :)) but i did play kinda sick already so maybe that was rly bad😅#maybe i should stop doing that 😅 but i didn't know it's gonna get this bad i just had the worst headache and sore throat#well ig i should have known but i also always feel like i have to play and i love matches and like my team needs me?#who else would have won that? i'm one of the best at my team and the others who are rly good weren't there that day so i felt responsible 😅#honestly my mom possibly she is also quite good but it would have been close and i wasn't sure so i played 😅#but i have done this too often by now... playing sick i really can't help myself đŸ€Šâ€â™€ïž
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born-to-lose · 6 months ago
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha đŸ‘đŸ» (🔹🔹)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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blizzardfluffykpop · 6 months ago
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why the fuck do i miss pigeons
#don't ask me i am going thru it today#ebhehbbehbhebhabh#i miss pigeons dude#oooh the poor little domesticed cuties#kate rambles from here#this is a small detail of the feeling i am feeling#like post leaving nyc is wrecking havoc on my psyche#i don't want to be in the fucking great plains#a few irls don't understand my want for city life- and i didn't know it was this bad until staying there for 4 days-#but my mom's whole family is from the city- i just feel so at home there- and everything i've inherited that way is in my blood#and i just wanna bawl my eyes out#i have been quite a bit but like ik i have a goal now- to move into the city- i've always had that goal to at least move to the city near m#but like nyc was like being somewhere i felt i wanted- it's not that i'm looking to make it big- i miss the noise the water and pigeons#around here you'll hear the occasional car go by- and crickets- i miss the city lights- i keep crying about it for so many reasons but#i just don't know how to actually express it?#because it's such an odd feeling for me to feel? because if yknow me well- i love being at home- i hate sleeping somewhere else-#taking a trip down south this last christmas- i couldn't stand the quiet- it's quieter the more south you go and i can't do this#i've always wanted to leave my small town but ?? like actually being somewhere that has felt home has been unattainable bc every#where in oh hasn't been home... and for once i felt like i could do this- and having to return here- just made me break down and cry#maybe it's the person i live with- that makes me wish to leave- but that's not the full truth- idk maybe a good nap will help#kate rambles#i have a life goal now but i wish i could do it now- i hope sooner rather than later i'll at least live in the city#i've been happily living but now i have a direction i wish to run towards- and i'm gonna chase after it#sure i miss seeing tbz i loved seeing them- but it's not even post concert depression- if that makes sense?#which it doesn't make sense- because for mx it was only pcd- but for nyc it's missing the city... and it feels awful#pls ignore this i just needed to be frustrated somewhere#ig knowing what i'm missing- i can finally work on filling that spot huh? i guess that's what i'll be doing#(also vv small point but the fact that one of the people i live with- refuses to ever visit nyc again- is so comforting to me)#pls don't send me an ask about this i just needed to ramble and i haven't caught up on my daily journal yet to do so- so this is here
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trannykong · 1 year ago
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hheeeuuurrgghppbbtttt
#my dad messaged me today sayin’ he hopes to see me soon and it honestly ruined my day luke#like please leave me alone ://////#then some general normal Every Day BS happened at work and I just had to dip I almost walked off the job no word to my sups#Just makes me think of my mom which#i feel more justified after it I guess ‘cause she’s the one who allegedly approves the messages her husband sent me when we had our fight#tbh life is better w/o her messaging me daily like I spent basically all of 2023#wanting to cut her off and she gave me even the lightest reason to do it so i did and it’s been nice#the pointless guilt I felt for not wanting to see my family has turned into general resentment and annoyance#i don’t even miss her or him like I straight up just don’t want to see my blood relatives they’re not family to me they’re just people#i happen to share genes with like if you really wanted to build a relationship with the person#you forced into this stupid world then maybe you shouldn’t have been such insufferable assholes for the first 18 years#i spent most of my conversations with them over the phone last year basically just saying life sucks and that i want to kill myself#I need them to feel bad for conceiving me i need them to regret it#my cousin Aaron has the right idea tbh like last I heard he wasn’t talking to my uncle or anyone w/ blood relations really#following in his footsteps. I legit just got so full of rage and frustration when my dad messaged me it’s been like 3 weeks since we spoke#it was so obvious that I didn’t like my mom growing up everyone knew it and berated me for it like how am i supposed to accept that?#How am I supposed to take the hate and anger she exhibit and put out there in that unhappy home#and turn the hate and anger her and her family felt towards me for not loving her#and turn that into love? How am I supposed to turn unending anger and hatred and bitterness and just be like ‘yeah i love you’#I love my parents in the sense that I am familiar w/ them and they have had a constant presence in my life up this point and when I was like#8y/o I had some pretty good times w/ my dad that were DIRECTLY related to my mom being out of the house#my mom was just so abusive to that man for 20+ years#and he took the love I had for him and made me hate him by just shoving jesus down my throat#We used to have CONVERSATIONS he & I but then he got his head stuck so far up his ass that he couldn’t see#how he was just ruining everything. Me: Hey so this thing thats goin on?#him: haha yeah that thing thats been goin on!! You know what tho#[starts pitching JC to me again]#that was all I could get from him from 12-18/19#he killed whatever relationship we had together and now it’s a decade later and I have no interest in talking to him#I don’t care to try and rebuild. I don’t want to rebuild anything with him I don’t want him to want that either
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eimiiko · 2 years ago
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sensitivegoblin · 5 months ago
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Vent
Tw: sewerslide and SH
#....i really miss being 4yrs without a care in the world and my family loved each other so purely#fuck its not fair that she does this to me#im shaking over how upset this is making me#i cant always be the one at fault thats IMPOSSIBLE and not fair#she sees it as im lazy n dont like being told to do stuff#i see it as she literally picks on me everytime her health anxiety gets to her or her fiance......i watch it happen like fuckin clockworm#but im the bad guy im the lazy emotional youngest sibling whos life was sooooooo perfect cus mom n dad treated me different#I WAS HIGHLY AUTISTIC#im sorry that you wanna feel special so you gotta pretend my life was just so great cus i got extra attention#I NEEDED EXTRA ATTENTION#Dad did his best to make us all feel equal and you know thst#i du no im jjst fucking done with the littlw comments#i read over my dads shoulder so i already knew but my sister brought up what he said to her before sending me here since the waters broke#he said “please dont say anything to her she has enough on her plate”#and she just got all snippy with me about it#....i literally came to your house with 3 big slashes on my arm when do i get a fucking break from the picking????#next time ill do both my arms maybe then shell have nice emptions for me#im literally frozen in my seat sweating cus of how upset im trying not to bw#its very rare she has a soft moment with me and she completely ignores my scars or my mental health#shes now crying in the other room......#like....i dont even know what to do abymore its not fair im always the bad guy#i shouldnt have to deal with a shitty attitude ontop of the other stuff i got going on#its like shes allowed to stab me but i even react to the pain suddenly im a horrible person#its times like these i just wanna end myself cus im tired of trying so hard and having no one to unmask with#im constantly performing for other people only to not get the same energy back im SO tired#update: i escaped#i love my sister but when shes struggling she acts bitchy towards me and thats not fair#literally did the oppisite of what my dad asked her lmao#i bet she stopped crying and is now finding any lil mistake to bitch about#now im blasting sad music into my ears in hopes of not spiraling
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