#will have to make my own iced teas from peaches and call it a day ig

[koishua]

will be cutting out all processed sugars. thank you and pls wish me luck

[kaplerrr]

Summertime Fondness

John "Captain" Price x wife!reader

Platonic wife!reader and Simon Riley.

Reader is from another country (implied), enormous amount of fluff, John is the sweetest man ever, you and John act like an old couple, this fic is basically a "found family" trope for Simon, John is a plant dad and Simon is a bookworm, John calling Simon "son" shouldn't make me feel the way I feel but here I am, totally self indulgent

Summary: You and John invited Simon to your house on a summer day and everyone is nice and happy.

_____________________________________

Your eyes fluttered open. Sitting lazily, you stretch. Making your bones crack loudly.

"Sounds like you gettin' old, love" Turning your attention to your husband, eyes still closed, lying on his stomach and wearing a little smile on his tired face, you laugh and slap his back playfully.

"Speak for yourself, old bear !" you bite back before gracelessly letting you fall on his back, ignoring his muffled protest, and hug him tightly.

"How did my beloved sleep ?" You ask, peppering soft kisses on his nape and shoulders.

You hear him sigh happily and close your eyes to fully enjoy his body warmth. He moves you as he lays on his back before hugging you close to his chest. He kisses your forehead before answering "Always peaceful when I'm with you."

You smile and kiss his jaw. You close your eyes and are lulled by his breathing and steady heartbeat, enjoying the attack of tender kisses on your head.

You enjoy the comfortable silence for a while before sighing heavily "John, we have to get up."

"Five more minutes ?"

"We can't John, you know that" you say almost regretfully. "Simon will arrive soon enough."

With a last kiss on his lips, you get up as you already miss his soft embrace. "Coffee ?" You ask, rising your voice slightly as you make your way to the kitchen.

At the beginning of your relationship, you had teased him about his lack of appreciation for tea. You are a disgrace to your country, you had said with an over exaggerated gasp, making him scoff.

You feel your husband hugging you from behind. "I'll take care of breakfast angel, go get ready."

"Thanks love" you say as you kiss his hand. Before gathering some clothes and heading to the bathroom.

You had asked your husband to invite his friends to your house. You've already met the whole squad (and you swore to yourself to never again reunite Johnny and Kyle together in your living room, they were chaotic together) and, if you were being honest, you had grown attached to all of them. Kyle could kill for the food you made and Johnny was just too happy to have someone that could tease and prank his captain, survive and tell the story. They were like family now and you wanted to spend time with your family.

Unfortunately, Kyle and Johnny were unable to come.

What about Simon ?

He did like you, you knew that. You saw this cold man warm up to you step by step.

You once noticed he was fond of an iced tea with peaches (or any fruit according to the right season) and a dash of honey you were making. He never asked for it but you would make it every time he would come to your house for some reason and he would greatly appreciate your efforts, thanking you quietly.

But Simon was alone most of the time and he wasn't one to complain. He would sometimes refuse an invitation. You could understand the need to be alone from time to time, but you were worried he was too lonely for his own good. The both of you would talk about some book you read or that he wanted to read, you would lend him the book saying "now you'll have a reason to come back" with a pleased grin.

You knew he appreciated the effort of making him feel welcome to your house, your home. He was always awkward the first hour, as if he was visiting for the first time. John and you didn't pay attention as you would casually include him in your talking or playful arguing.

"What about taupe ?" You said as you were looking at the blank wall

"Taupe ? No, no let's keep it simple, grey."

"John, that wall is awfully dull, we can't make it just "grey", love."

"Yes we can !"

"No, besides taupe would make the plants look so good !"

"My plants are already good looking, thank you very much." he said with in mock offence, making you laugh.

"Alright, Simon, what do you think ?"

And just like that he would relax and join the conversation. He wasn't that much into talking but would absolutely listen everything, which was actually really useful when he was "picking a side" to your quarrels.

You were glad he accepted this time. The weather was great, you had decided to eat outside. The garden was quite big, enough space for a table and for gardening. You were so surprised when you found out John's appeal to gardening but it made you love him even more.

"If you ever say anything about it to Johnny or Kyle, I'm leaving you." He said in a grumpy tone, cheeks slightly pink as he listened your gleeful laugh caused by his confession.

"Oh my, we don't want that, do we ?" You calmed your giggles before wrapping your arms around his neck "I love how resourceful you are, I'm not losing you now." You said kissing the corner of his eye. "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

Enjoying each other embrace, you didn't talk for a few minutes.

Until...

"Does that mean I can tell Simon ?" You teased.

"Oh God, don't you dare."

You took a quick shower, determined to set everything before your guest's arrival. You found John on the couch, sipping hid drink and reading some news paper. Your mug was on the coffee table, waiting for you.

"Mrs Price, you look ravishing today." He said as he handed you the cup.

"You're not so bad yourself, Husband of mine." You giggled, kissing his cheek.

____________________

Honestly you were quite proud of yourselves as you eyed the several salad bowls on the counter.

"We did it !" You say smugly, looking at your stunning husband.

"We're a good team" he agreed, kissing you quickly "now I'm gonna take a shower and we're making dessert, how does that sound?"

"Sounds perfect." You nod, smiling widely.

You washed a few bowls and kitchen utensils you were going to use for dessert when a ring at the door interrupted you. You rush to the door.

"Simon, hey !" You greet, surprised. "You're early."

He nods "I can come back later ?" Not knowing if he was one hundred percent serious, you quickly dismissed the question.

"Don't be silly and make yourself at home, will you ?" You gesture him to get in, taking a few steps back.

You put a hand on his arm, beaming "Welcome home, Si." He smiled, muttering a quiet and polite "thank you". You noticed he was holding flowers. You look at him with curiosity, eyebrow rising slowly. He sways bashfully and gives them to you, explaining that he got them before coming to your house and got a new bottle of whisky for John.

"Thank you, they're lovely. I'm gonna put them in a vase! John's taking a shower he should be done in a few minutes. Get yourself comfortable, dear." You instructed making your way to the kitchen, Simon following you.

He glanced at the counter "That's a lotta food."

"And we haven't made dessert yet."

"What are you doing?"

"A dessert from my childhood, I haven't eaten it in years, since I've settled in London. I thought it would be a good idea to make it today."

"Can I help you ?"

You instructed him to wash his hands and explained the recipe. Explaining what to do with each ingredient. You rambled about some anecdotes of you and your family, telling him how your mother used to cook, how she would tell you that she added a "special ingredient" to her dishes and that she would always refuse to tell you what it was. Simon didn't talk, he nodded to show that he was listening but he was more focused on your movements he was clumsily trying to replicate, which made you laugh.

"Well, that kitchen is a bit crowded, isn't it?" John said, leaning against the doorframe. Face relaxed, smiling softly.

"Simon, nice to see you, son." John said shaking his hand firmly. Both men nodding at each other

"What a distinguished gentleman like yourself is doing in my kitchen ?" You joked as you planted a loud kiss on his beard.

"I believed I had a mission about helping someone making dessert ?"

"You know what they say- you snooze, you lose." You shrugged unapologetically.

"And what should I do to help?"

Your smile widened and you lend him a sponge "the table outside needs a little cleaning and then I might need someone brave enough to taste our dessert, hmm ?"

"Lucky for you, it's my job to be brave." He chuckled and made his way outside. Turning your attention back to Simon, you simply add "Let's continue, yeah ?"

_________

The next few hours were delightful. After lunch you asked if they would like to play some board games, which they agreed. You strictly prohibited Uno or any similar type of games since you've had witnessed your husband lose his sanity over that diabolical game, something you wish to never see ever again.

After a few games you stoped and while you were busying yourself with a book and a glass of tea, the boys were chatting, drinking the wishky Simon had brought, the alcohol making him speak more than usual. As you were enjoying the sun on your skin, you looked at the two men sitting a few metre away from you, seeing your husband laughing and Simon's smirk, you knew the latter must have said a bad joke.

A warm feeling made you giddy as you realised how much you loved John. You loved his laugh, his grunts, his attitude, his gruffness, his tenderness, his protectiveness. More often than not he was stubborn, sometimes he was tough. Yet you couldn't have dreamt of a better husband, of a better man to love.

Your gaze drifted to the younger man and you briefly wondered if you should give him sunscreen. Simon was so pale, you couldn't help but worry he would burn if he stayed for too long exposed to the sun. You didn't know much about him, you had once realised. At the beginning you knew he was working with your husband and that he was a loner. Now you knew better, you were learning to read him, as much as he would let you. You appreciated him, he was John's friend, he was your friend, he was family. You'll give him time, you weren't in a rush.

You didn't need his past to appreciate the man he was today.

The sun had almost disappeared when Simon rose, announcing he was going to leave.

You quickly eyed John who nodded at you "You can stay for the night if you want, you know we have a spare room." You said matter-of-factly.

"No thank you, I'm gonna head back. But I appreciate it." He said with a hint of a smile.

You nodded and directed him to the kitchen. You took some tupperware and filled them the leftovers food from lunch.

"Here, you're gonna bring some at home." You said, giving him the boxes. When he opened his mouth to refuse, you shushed him.

"You wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, right ?" You teased and smiled warmly when you saw him shake his head vigorously. "Then shut up and take the food."

He sighed as you laughed in victory.

A few minutes later, he was at the door, thanking you and John profusely.

"You'll always be welcome here, Si." You smiled and waved at him.

"See you soon, Simon" John said, patting his shoulder.

As you watched him leave and closed the door, you looked John's in the eyes, always in complete awe at the deep cerulean blue colour. You wrapped your arms around his neck and planted a quick peck on his lips.

"Have I ever told you I love you ?"

_______________________________

Omg I can't believe I'm done with this fic I'm so happy :>

[celientjeee]

Celine dear 🧡 I’d be eternally grateful if you could give Dando and “not that I’m not enjoying this, but could you move your hands?” a try 💙

but no pressure 😅

My dear Ella, thank you so much for this prompt 🧡 I have no idea what happened, the words just kept coming? So ehhh enjoy this 1k long prompt of Dando 🥰 --

Lando had no idea what was going on. 

Ever since he stepped foot into the paddock this morning it had been complete chaos. Not only with the activities around him, but also for himself. He kept tripping over his own feet, bumping into things, spilling his drinks and he even burped - very loud - during an interview. 

It was a weird day and Lando couldn’t wait for it to be over already. His hip was still aching from when he bumped into a table and his shirt smelled like peach iced tea, even though he sort of got the stain out. 

‘Landoooooooo,’ a familiar voice sang from behind him when he was just about to get inside of the Mclaren motorhome to film yet another content video for youtube. 

God, he had a headache. 

Lando loved Daniel but if he wouldn’t keep his voice down, he would hit him. Hard. ‘Hey,’ Lando smiled, holding open the door of the motorhome so Danny could get inside with him. 

‘Nope, we’re not doing that,’ Daniel said, shaking his head as he grabbed Lando’s free hand and pulled him away from the door. ‘You’re coming with me.’ 

A sound of protest left Lando’s throat but Daniel kept a firm grip on his hand and led him away from the orange motorhome with a big smile on his face. A few people gave them weird looks, but no one said anything. Max even waved when they passed him.

‘Danny, what the hell?’ Lando yelped as he struggled to keep up with Daniel’s long strides. When they reached the Red Bull motorhome, Daniel looked around a few times before dragging Lando inside with him, his fingers tightening around Lando’s as if to make sure he’d keep following him. 

A voice called for the team to get together and Lando bumped into Daniel’s hard muscled back when he suddenly stopped walking. 

‘Shit,’ Daniel muttered and he frantically looked around as if he did not want to be seen. 

Lando had no idea what was going on and why he was being this weird. He was about to say something when Daniel started walking again, or jogging actually and once again Lando was struggling to keep up. ‘Danny, what the hell?’ Lando hissed as he got pulled into a small room all of a sudden. 

It looked like a supply closet, or it did before Daniel closed the door and darkness surrounded them. Was he serious? ‘Dan-’ Lando started to complain but a big hand covered his mouth then, stopping him. Voices got louder in the hallway they were just in and Daniel pressed his hand even closer to Lando’s lips as if he thought Lando would speak up. What he didn’t realize was that his stupid big hand covered both Lando’s mouth and his nose, which made it very hard for him to breathe. Lando tried to push his elbow in Daniel’s stomach when pulling his hand didn’t work, but it only made Daniel put his arm around his waist and pull him against his body so tight he could barely move at all. Well, this was a fun way to suffocate. Lando could already see the headlines. Lando Norris (23) sadly died by former teammate Daniel Ricciardo’s stupid big hands.

The only thing he hadn’t tried yet, was lick the inside of Daniel’s palm. As soon as his tongue tasted salty skin, Daniel loosened his grip a little. ‘What the fuck, Lando, stop that,’ Daniel whispered in his ear as footsteps and voices traveled by the door they were hiding behind. Lando pushed all his weight against Daniel’s body in order to try and create more distance between his mouth and Daniel’s hand. He needed more air. Now. Daniel however was just relaxing his body as the voices were now barely audible, resulting in him stumbling backwards a little and tripping over whatever was in this supply closet. Somehow Danny managed to find his footing again, but Lando, who was finally free to breathe normally again, wasn’t. He tumbled forwards, once again crashing against Daniel with his full weight, making the two of them go down with a loud thump as Danny couldn’t hold himself up this time. They both froze. Listening to the sounds around them, wondering if anyone had heard. Lando tried to catch his breath without panting, but it was difficult and he just wanted to rest his head against Danny’s stomach and lay there for a while. 

‘I think we’re good,’ Daniel whispered when no one opened the door and the hallway stayed silent. 

‘Fuck you, mate,’ Lando grumbled without lifting his head from Daniel’s stomach. ‘What the hell are we even hiding for?’ ‘I wanted to get you alone to cheer you up after the weird day you’ve been having, and I didn’t want either of us to be dragged away by responsibilities right away,’ Daniel moved to sit up a bit, making Lando fall down his chest and into his lap instead. 

That was actually really sweet of him. ‘Ehm, not that I’m not enjoying this, but could you move your hands?’ Daniel whispered, his voice sounding very strange all of a sudden. 

When Lando went to move his hands from Daniel’s lap he noticed he wasn’t just gripping his thighs. No, one of his hands had landed almost directly on Daniel’s crotch and because he was wearing sweatpants Lando could feel his throbbing dick under his fingers. 

Fuck. 

‘Shit, I’m sorry,’ as quickly as he could Lando tried to move and get up, only for his legs to get tangled with Daniels and fall down again. 

Jesus. What was wrong with this day?

Daniel chuckled, his breath tickled against Lando’s forehead. 

‘You’re really having an off day, aren’t ya, muppet?’

Lando groaned and nodded against Daniel’s chest. He was so done with today. 

‘Let’s try this again, shall we,’ Daniel said and he slowly sat up, his fingers closing around Lando’s biceps to help him up as well. 

Because Lando was on top of him, this position made him straddle Daniel’s legs. 

‘Hello,’ Daniel giggled when their chests and noses almost touched each other. ‘Hi,’ Lando whispered back, stupidly.  He didn’t dare move, afraid he would just fall down again and he was actually kind of comfortable on Daniel’s lap.

‘You know,’ Daniel started saying, the tip of his nose was touching Lando’s now and he could feel hot breath fanning against his lip. ‘We could make your day even weirder?’

‘How?’ Lando breathed out, a shiver going through him as Daniel’s hands moved from his biceps to his neck.

Those stupid big hands that almost suffocated him before, were on his face again and once again Lando had trouble breathing. He didn’t mind this time though, because when Daniel kissed him, his lips soft yet firm, he felt like this day was finally turning good again.

[generic-sonic-fan]

My Soul To Keep

Summary: There’s been a close call. Rouge nearly doesn’t make it, leaving Shadow panicky and uncertain. To allay his fears, Team Dark sits down and discusses their plans for the worst case scenario. 

3913 words

Rouge comes home from the hospital three days later.

Omega’s carrying her bag, and Shadow is carrying her, helping her limp over to the couch. The baggy shirt she’s wearing covers the bandages criss-crossed over her stomach. He and Omega had spent those three days, before she got home, blaming themselves and each other. Too slow. Distracted. Extraneous variables. Stupid mistake. They’d slinged it all, at this point, gotten it out of their systems so that she didn’t have to hear the pity party. 

It doesn’t stop Shadow’s hands from shaking. 

“Set me down, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight here.” Rouge groans as she slides onto the couch cushions. “And set my stuff in the bedroom, okay, big boy?”

Omega tromps off down the hall. 

“Anything you need?” Shadow asks.

“More of the happy stuff they have at the hospital.”

“You're clear for another dose of painkillers in three hours and twelve minutes. You need water, and food, if you think you can keep it down.”

“Not hungry, but I’m not going to lose my lunch over it. Did you two eat all the twinkies while I was gone?”

“I AM INCAPABLE OF CONSUMING ORGANIC SUBSTANCES.” Omega returns from the hall. 

Shadow goes to the kitchen and fills a tall glass of water. He sets this on the end table beside her. He then retrieves a box of saltine crackers from where they've been shoved in the back of the pantry. 

“. . . not what twinkie wrappers sound like.” Rouge mumbles from the couch. 

He places the saltines beside her as well. “If you want something sweet, I can make you some tea.”

“Too hot. I’m boiling already.”

“Omega, grab an ice tray, then?”

“YOU FORGOT TO SAY THE MAGIC WORD.”

Rouge snorts. She’s trying not to laugh, but her chest shakes anyway, and she cringes as she smiles. 

“Please?” Shadow sighs.

Omega goes to the freezer. Shadow opens the tea drawer and retrieves the peach-and-ginger blend. He grabs a mug from the cupboard, fills it with water, then sticks it in the microwave. Three minutes later, the timer dings. Shadow dips the tea bag into the just-boiling water and waits. Omega returns with the ice tray and starts fishing the cubes into a water bottle. The tea bag is removed, sugar added, and the concoction poured over the ice, sealed over with a lid and straw. Shadow delivers it into Rouge’s waiting hands. 

“You’re too good for me.” She murmurs. 

“CORRECT. I AM.” Omega touts from the kitchen.

“Stop making her laugh.” Shadow says. 

It’s too late, of course. She’s already giggling between pained gasps. 

“SHE WILL BE ALRIGHT. IF LAUGHTER COULD KILL, I WOULD ALREADY BE A COMEDIAN.”

“You’re enough of a clown for it.” Rouge says. 

Now Shadow’s laughing, too, despite himself. Rouge takes a big sip of her tea, letting out a faint “Mmmm” as she sucks it down the straw. She then reaches the cup over to the end table. Her hand slips, the cup falls. 

She jerks forward to try and catch it and now there’s little dots of red poking through her oversized shirt. 

Shadow grabs her shoulders and pushes her back against the couch cushions. He holds her down, rips her shirt open, and feels along the bandages. His fingers grow damp. He presses a firm palm down. She cries out.

“Stay still!” He screams back. 

His damn hand won’t stop shaking. She’s bleeding and he can’t stop shaking and it’s not helping and he needs to do better he needs to be better he needs to STOP SHAKING-

The world around slows. Breathe, in and out. Stop the bleeding. Apologize. Check the IV. Find a doctor onboard to rebind her wounds. 

“I’m sorry.” Shadow chokes out. “The pressure will stop the bleeding-”

“THE BLEEDING HAS CEASED. STOP APPLYING PRESSURE.”

Shadow lifts his palm. He checks her own. There’s no IV line. There’s. . .

“SLOW YOUR BREATHING. IT IS ADVISABLE THAT YOU EXCUSE YOURSELF TO YOUR ROOM TO CALM DOWN. I WILL ATTEND TO ROUGE. MY KNOWLEDGE OF DESTROYING MEATBAG ANATOMY ALSO LENDS WELL ENOUGH TO MAINTAINING IT.”

A hand on his shoulder. 

“SHE WILL BE ALRIGHT. GO.”

He stands. The world sways. His pulse is roaring in his ears and energy crackles at his fingertips. He focuses it without needing to utter the words, and with a resounding crack he’s back in his room. He falls onto the bed, curls himself under the weighted blanket, and lets the burning tears finally fall out of his eyes. 

After some amount of time shaking and sobbing like the pathetic coward he is, he sticks his head out of the blanket and listens. Omega is saying something he can’t make out. Then, Rouge’s voice, just barely audible. The walls shake with Omega’s footsteps coming down the hall. Shadow untangles himself from the blanket and sets his feet against the ground.

“ROUGE HAS INSTRUCTED ME TO ‘CHECK IN’ ON YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE.” Omega opens the door.

“How is she?”

“AS I HAVE SAID PRIOR: SHE IS ALRIGHT.”

Of course she is. Of fucking course she is. Just a tiny bit of blood and he lost his goddamn mind about it. He grabs at his quills, pulling them just hard enough to hurt. 

“WHAT IS YOUR STATUS?”

“I’m fine.”

“ROUGE SHOWED ME A MEME SHE FOUND ‘RELATABLE’ ON HER INSTAGRAM FEED TWO MONTHS AND SIX DAYS AGO. THE MEME STATED THAT ‘FINE’ STOOD FOR ‘FREAKED OUT, INSECURE, NEUROTIC, AND EMOTIONAL’. UNDER THIS DEFINITION, YOU ARE INDEED ‘FINE’.”

“Shut up! Leave me alone!”

“NOTED.”

Omega leaves. Shadow’s tempted to tear his quills all the way out, but that would leave him with a migraine, and he can’t be where he’s needed if he can hardly stand. Not that he’s much help to anyone. Not like he’d do anything other than flip out at the slightest provocation. Might as well start screaming her name around to complete the look, right?

He immediately catches that thought and curls in on himself. He whispers an apology against his fur, lips forming the shape of the name. Lips part. Teeth come together. Mouth opens, ending on the “ah”. He’s sorry he even thought to take her name in vain. She doesn't deserve it.

She didn’t deserve any of it. Neither does Rouge. He knows he’s projecting; Rouge hates it when he does that. She doesn’t say anything but he knows she hates it. 

“ROUGE IS REQUESTING TO SEE YOU.”

Omega stands in the doorway again. Shadow slides off the bed. They return to the living room.

“I’m sorry.” He says the moment his eyes hit the couch. 

“It’s okay.” Rouge replies. She’s wearing a different t-shirt now. The old one is bunched on the coffee table. It smells of ginger and peach. 

“I’ll do better next time.”

“Well, gee, it’s almost like your best friend could’ve died. I’d be more offended if this didn’t happen at some point.”

He’d been hoping this wouldn’t happen at all, but he doesn’t tell her that. The less therapy she has to give while she herself should be the one getting taken care of, the better.

“IT IS ONLY LOGICAL FOR YOUR MEATBAG BRAIN TO BE EXPERIENCING HIGH LEVELS OF STRESS IN THIS SCENARIO.”

“Not helping, Omega.” Rouge says.

“I AM FORTUNATE TO NOT EXPERIENCE SUCH STRESS. HOWEVER, IN THE DAYS PRECEDING TO NOW, MY RAGE LEVELS HAVE BEEN HEIGHTENED TO THE POINT OF MY PROCESSOR EXPERIENCING OVERHEAT WARNINGS.”

“I know. You yelled at me plenty about it.” Shadow replies.

“I RAGE. I RAGE AT THE MAN WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS INJURY.” Omega slams his fists together. “I SHALL RIP HIM INTO 1,684 TINY LITTLE PIECES UPON OUR NEXT ENCOUNTER.” 

“You sure will.” Rouge murmurs. 

“AND YOU, SHADOW?”

“I’m going to start taking solo missions. Permanently”

“Don’t you dare.”

“DON’T YOU DARE.”

“You only have so much time. I’m not going to have that taken away from you.”

“FALSE. I AM A ROBOT. MY LIFESPAN IS THEORETICALLY AS INFINITE AS YOURS-”

“Shut your trap, both of you!” Rouge says. “It doesn’t matter who’s immortal and bulletproof and ‘Ultimate’ or whatever. You two aren’t so invincible either. You’re not leaving me behind.”

“I’m not-!” Shadow stops himself. “Please, Rouge.” 

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, cringing as her chest falls up and down. She shakes her head. “I get it. I know why you’re on about this so much. But I don’t know what to say other than that you can’t stop me.”

A pause. Projecting, again. He grits his teeth. He doesn't say anything.

“I’m going to get hurt. Hell, I’m going to die someday. You’re gonna have to get over that because I’m not about to stop living my life over it.”

“I know.” 

“YOU KNOW THE VAGUE CONCEPT, IN THEORY. IT MAY HELP IF WE DISCUSS MORE CONCRETE DETAILS.”

“What do you mean?” Rouge asks. 

“ROUGE, WHAT SHALL WE DO IN THE EVENT OF YOUR DEATH?”

Rouge’s eyes flick once over Shadow’s face, before puzzling in the direction of Omega. “As in, funerals, and the like?”

“CORRECT. THROUGH MY RESEARCH INTO THE DEATH AND DESTRUCTION OF MEATBAGS, I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO TEND TO A BODY. SOME ARE MORE RITUALISTIC THAN OTHERS.”

“We can talk about this later.” Rouge glances back to Shadow. 

She’s begging Omega, with her eyes, to notice what she imagines are eggshells, a covert intention made obvious by her pain and fatigue. It stings a little to think that she’s so concerned with setting him off again.

“Actually,” Shadow finds a spot on the floor and sits down. “I would like to know now.”

“You sure?”

“Maria and I talked about this sometimes.” The name is still heavy in his mouth, and leaves a bitter aftertaste, but he says it with as much normality as he can muster. 

“BECAUSE OF HER TERMINAL DIAGNOSIS, CORRECT?”

Shadow nods.

“Makes sense.” Rouge says. 

“So. . . what do you want me to do when you are gone?” Shadow asks. 

“You’re being a little presumptuous there, hun. I’m not the only one who can catch bullets. Or burn up upon re-entry, as the case may be for some of us.”

“HA. HA. HA.” Omega vibrates up and down.

“I’m being serious! Tell me- what do you want me to do?”

“Guess I should get around to penning a will, shouldn’t I? I’m not letting my collection go to just anyone.”

“I WOULD REQUEST CUSTODY OF YOUR EXTENSIVE GEMSTONE COLLECTION.”

“Why?”

“TO SELL AND PURCHASE MORE WEAPONS WITH.”

“My point exactly.” Rouge rolls her eyes. “But besides that. . . well, I’m not going to lie, I actually have thought about this a fair amount. Shadow, Omega, I’m reserving my place on your fireplace mantle.”

“We don’t have a fireplace?”

“Not yet, silly. In the future, when you’re both rich and famous and have a house with one. I want the spot right and center. My Nan had her urn on Mama’s fireplace, but she got shoved behind pictures of the family dog. If you do that to me, I’m coming back to haunt your asses.”

“Are you sure you want your ashes kept in one place?”

“Well, someone has to keep an eye on you two.”

“TO ENSURE THAT I DO NOT SELL YOUR EXTENSIVE GEM COLLECTION?”

“Not just that. But to make sure you’re doing okay, you know? And so that you have something to look at and remember me by.”

“MY MEMORY BANKS, UNLIKE YOUR FEEBLE ORGANIC BRAINS, DO NOT REQUIRE SUCH JOGGING. HOWEVER. . . I UNDERSTAND THE INTENDED SENTIMENT. SURROUNDING ONESELF WITH OBJECTS THAT ARE PLEASING IS A DESIRABLE OBJECTIVE.”

“'Pleasing'? Oh please, it’s going to be absolutely lavish. I’ll put that in the will- I want my urn to be absolutely encrusted with my gems. I want to be more valuable than the Mona Lisa by the time I’m finished.”

“People will be looking to steal you, then.” Shadow says

“Which is why I picked the two most lethal people on the planet to keep me!” Rouge throws her head back as best she can, despite already having her head resting on the arm of the couch, and winks. 

“REST ASSURED, ROUGE. NOT A SINGLE FINGER WILL BE LAID UPON YOUR URN FOR AS LONG AS I FUNCTION. THIS I SWEAR.” Omega pounds a fist against his chest. 

“You two will be old fogies by that point anyway. You’ll need something to keep you on your toes.” She smiles.

“Thank you.” Shadow says. “For trusting us with this.”

“Of course. Who else could I possibly pick?”

Shadow reaches for her hand. She sees this and dangles it off the couch cushion for him to hold. He grasps her wrist, first, feeling the pulse beating inside of it. Then he slides between her fingers and presses their palms together. 

“Okay, I’m done. What about you, Omega?” Rouge looks over. 

“I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.”

“We just went over what happens when I kick the bucket- what about you?”

“BOLD OF YOU TO ASSUME I WILL PERISH.”

“It’s a contingency.” Shadow clarifies. “Take this seriously. What would you like us to do?”

“A MORE IMPORTANT CONSIDERATION IS WHEN YOU SHOULD DECLARE ME ‘DECEASED’. I AM INORGANIC. I CAN ALWAYS BE REPAIRED.”

“And?” Rouge prods.

“. . . I WISH TO REMAIN MYSELF.” Omega eventually says. “IN THE EVENT OF PROGRAM CORRUPTION OF OVER 65%, I DESIRE TO BE DEACTIVATED.”

“What, and the other 35% is somehow not worth our time?” Shadow snaps, harder than he means to. “Are you not worth getting to know again?”

“YOU CONFLATE THE CORRUPTION OF MY PROGRAMMING WITH THE LOSS OF YOUR MEMORIES. THOUGH MY KNOWLEDGE OF ORGANIC AMNESIA IS ADMITTEDLY QUITE PRIMITIVE, I CAN ASSURE YOU THE TWO ARE DIFFERENT.”

“Are they?”

“65% IS A SIGNIFICANT PORTION OF FUNCTIONALITY LOST, A HIGHER MARGIN THAN I WOULD HAVE ALLOWED EVEN A FEW MONTHS AGO. IT IS DOUBTFUL, AFTER CROSSING THAT MARGIN, THAT I WILL EVER BE FUNCTIONAL AGAIN WITHOUT SIGNIFICANT REWRITES. ANY ‘REPAIRS’ GIVEN WILL BE GENERATING PROCESSES THAT HAVE NEVER EXISTED. YOU WILL BE CREATING SOMETHING NEW. I DO NOT WISH FOR A NEW PROGRAM TO USE MY FORM. I WISH TO BE DEACTIVATED.”

“It would be like. . . someone putting fake memories in your head.” Shadow whispers. Rouge’s hand grips tighter around his.

“CORRECT. DO YOU REQUIRE ANY FURTHER CLARIFICATION?”

Shadow shakes his head. 

“GOOD. MOVING ON, UPON DEACTIVATION, I DESIRE FOR MY BODY TO BE MELTED DOWN AND MY ALLOY USED TO CONSTRUCT LETHAL WEAPONS.”

“Fitting.” Rouge smiles.

“I HAVE CALCULATED THAT I WILL HAVE ENOUGH SUITABLE MATERIAL TO MAKE TWO ROCKET LAUNCHERS, SIX RIFLES, AND APPROXIMATELY EIGHT PISTOLS.”

“Any preference in caliber?” Shadow asks.

“THE MORE DESTRUCTIVE, THE BETTER.”

“I’ll ensure there’s a 50. cal somewhere in there.”

“YOU- AND ROUGE, IF APPLICABLE -WILL HAVE FIRST CHOICE OF WHAT IS PRODUCED.”

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Shadow says. 

“ONE MORE RULE.”

“Go for it. Shoot.” Rouge says.

“YOU MAY ONLY USE THESE WEAPONS IF YOU MEAN IT. YOU MAY ONLY KILL, INJURE, OR DESTROY WITH THESE WEAPONS. TARGET DUMMIES DO NOT COUNT.” Omega crosses his arms. 

“May I take them out to the target range to practice with them as long as I utilize them on a proper mission soon after?” Shadow says.

“I SUPPOSE THAT IS ACCEPTABLE.”

“How about for home defense?” Rouge asks. “You don’t mind if you hang from a wall most of the time, do you?”

“ALSO ACCEPTABLE. DETERRENCE COUNTS AS PROPER USE.”

“Good. Thanks, big boy. That’s a really great plan. You’ve thought about this a lot too, huh?” She says. “Glad I’m not the only one. I felt a little weird about it.”

“IT IS NOW SHADOW’S TURN TO DISCUSS HIS PLAN FOR AFTER HIS DEATH.”

“There’s no point. You two aren’t going to have to worry about it.”

“Given that you’re the only one of us who’s had a funeral already, I call bullshit.” Rouge replies.

She’s referencing the strange little event that Sonic held with all of his friends after the ARK. She’d gone. Said a few words, though she never told him what they were. What could you possibly have to say about a person that had spent only a few hours being on good terms with you? Sonic had found things to say too, apparently. Perhaps the guilt made it easy.

“I know what I want, and that’s to stay alive so that you two never have to worry about it.” Shadow replies.

“IT’S A CONTINGENCY.” Omega steps closer. “TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.”

Shadow looks down. He lets go of Rouge’s hand. He folds his hands in his lap. He notices, upon further studying, a bit of red on his fur where there shouldn’t be. He hadn’t even washed his hands after dealing with Rouge’s wound. 

“I haven’t thought about it much.” He says.

“Okay, do you know what you don’t want, at least?”

An urn, he almost says. The idea of being confined to one place for all eternity, lingering, haunting, is. . .

“Not sure.” He replies. 

“Graveyard? Cremation? Something weird and different? Don’t tell me you’re going to donate to science.”

“Absolutely not!” His quills flare.

“NOTED. I WILL NOT PERMIT ANY SCIENTISTS TO STUDY YOUR CORPSE.” 

. . . Maria’s body had been studied, according to the records, then her existence sterilized like the rest of the ARK had been. Shadow knows, consciously, that the drop pod room is empty, but without having seen what had happened after, it is difficult to believe she isn’t still laying there. 

“Cremation.” He finally says. “I want my body destroyed.”

“So who’s shelf are you sitting on?”

“No one’s.”

“Scattered, then? Any particular location?”

He pauses. “Mount Everest.”

“Huh. Interesting. Is it okay if it’s, like, at the bottom? Or do we have to go all the way to the tippy-top?” Rouge asks.

“The top. Spread to the winds.”

“Making me work real hard for this.”

“I WILL DO IT. I AM A ROBOT; I DO NOT REQUIRE OXYGEN NOR DO I EXPERIENCE FATIGUE.”

“Thanks,” Shadow says.

“Why there?” Rouge asks.

“To make it inconvenient for you.”

Rouge rolls her eyes. “Sure.”

 “And. . . do it at night. Under the stars.” He adds.

“YOU HAVE SELECTED THE HIGHEST POINT ON THIS PLANET. YOU THEN FURTHER REQUEST TO BE SCATTERED UNDER STARS. ARE YOU SURE YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR REMAINS TO BE EJECTED INTO SPACE? DO NOT LIMIT YOURSELF. SUCH AN ARRANGEMENT IS FEASIBLE. I WILL MAKE IT SO.”

“No! That wasn’t the promise.”

It’s only when the silence sweeps over the room that he realizes what he’s said.

“. . . wish she’d picked a shorter mountain.” Rouge says. 

“We always tried to spot it from the observation deck whenever we passed over.” Shadow lets a hint of a smile cross his lips.

“CLARIFICATION REQUESTED: YOU ARE REFERRING TO MARIA, CORRECT?”

Shadow nods.

“ARE YOU REQUESTING THIS AFTER-DEATH RITUAL BECAUSE IT IS WHAT YOU TRULY WISH, OR BECAUSE IT IS SOMETHING SHE WISHED FOR HERSELF?”

His smile disappears.

“Omega.” Rouge hisses.

“SHADOW HAS EXPRESSED TO US THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LET HIMSELF BE DEFINED BY THE PAST. I AM ONLY AIDING IN THE PURSUIT OF THIS OBJECTIVE.” Omega speaks to her, but turns to him, staring him down.

“It’s both.” He finally responds. 

“INFORM US OF YOUR SIDE, THEN.”

“It’s that. . . I don’t want to be trapped somewhere.” He says. “No offense, Rouge.”

“None taken. Guess you’ve spent long enough in a jar already, being lusted after by powerful men. I get it. No biggie.” Rouge winks. 

Shadow glares, but he can’t hold it for long before a snicker slips out. “That’s the worst way you could’ve put it.”

“FALSE. THERE ARE WORSE WAYS. FOR EXAMPLE-”

“No thanks, we’re good!” Rouge says. 

Omega tilts his torso downwards and lets out a long-winded negative ping. Rouge laughs and manages to keep a grin on through the pain. 

“Stop making her laugh!"

“S-starting to agree with Shadow on this one.” Rouge slips out between giggles. “Ouch.”

“You should get some rest.” Shadow stands up from his spot on the ground. “It’ll help you feel better.”

“When’s the next round of pills?”

Shadow looks at the clock. It takes him too long to do the math, but he gets it eventually. “One hour, forty-one minutes.”

“Ughhhhhhhhhh.”

“ARE WE FINISHED WITH OUR PRIOR CONVERSATION?” Omega tilts back upright. 

Rouge glances between the two of them. 

“SHADOW, ARE YOU NO LONGER ‘FINE’?”

“Huh?” Rouge asks.

“‘FINE’, AS IN THE ACRONYM THAT STANDS FOR-”

“Yes, I am feeling better.”

“LIKE IT OR NOT, YOUR FEEBLE MEATBAG BRAIN IS BETTER EQUIPPED TO HANDLE CONCRETE DETAILS THAN VAGUE CONCEPTS. ILLUMINATING THIS SUBJECT HAS ALLOWED YOU TO PROCESS IT MORE EFFECTIVELY.”

“How do you know so much about my ‘meatbag brain’, anyway?” Shadow asks.

“I RESEARCH ORGANIC PSYCHOLOGY, SPECIFICALLY THE STRESS RESPONSE, TO BETTER DISABLE THE WRETCHED DOCTOR EGGMAN WITH. IT IS. . . COINCIDENTAL THAT THIS KNOWLEDGE IS USEFUL FOR OTHER SCENARIOS.”

“Mhm. Sure, hun.” Rouge says. “But thanks.”

“Thank you, Omega.” Shadow concurs. 

“YOU ARE WELCOME.” Omega steps back. He looks around the room, before his optics settle on Rouge. “DO YOU REQUIRE ANYTHING?”

“I’ll look after her.” Shadow says.

“GOOD. I AM GOING TO GO PLAY VIOLENT VIDEO GAMES NOW.”

Omega tromps down the hall and shuts the door of his room. His “shut” is a normal person’s “slam”, but given that the door’s still on its hinges, Shadow knows he’s alright. 

He looks back down at Rouge. “Is there anything you’d like?”

“More tea?”

“Hot or iced?”

“We have any ice cubes left?”

Shadow returns to the kitchen. He grabs the mug, fills it with water, and sets the microwave going. He grabs the tea bag. His eyes catch on the ice tray sitting on the counter. All the slots are filled with water now.

“I’ll run to the store. Be back before the microwave timer goes off.”

“Yeah, fuck cashiers! Steal things!” She cheers.

He makes for the door. Soon he’s skating down the streets, whizzing past cars as he scans for a generic corporate superstore. A lucky break, for once- as he comes upon a Walmart, someone’s holding the automatic doors open. He skids inside, yanks open the freezer door, grabs a bag of ice, then reverses course. 

When he steps back inside the apartment, the microwave dings. 

“Just in time. Got worried you actually decided to pay for it for a moment.” Rouge leans out from the couch. 

“If you fall off, I’m not catching you.” He sets the bag of ice on the counter.

“Sure you won’t.”

He goes to the microwave, opens it, and puts the tea bag in. Then he opens the bag of ice and fills the water bottle. He puts the rest of the bag in the fridge- he has to really shove it in there to get the door closed.

He returns, a few minutes later, to the couch with tea in hand, and passes it to her. He makes sure her fingers are looped through the handle of the cup before he lets go. She holds it. Sips it for a while. She hands it back to him. He places it on the end table. 

“Want some television?” He asks.

She nods. He grabs the remote from the television stand and powers everything on. As he hands the remote to her, Rouge reaches for his other hand.

“Hey,” She whispers as she curls her fingers over his.

She doesn’t say anything more. She doesn’t need to.

[majesticwren]

due to high demand - me. I'm high demand. this entire project is being written entirely for my pleasure, be warned I'm being extremely self-indulgent - I've decided to write a little prequel to the events that take place here. this is set in 2018 and is the beginning of Fletch x OFC. billy will have his own little prequel at some point. enjoy.

Trigger Warning/s: OFC is her own trigger warning she is damaged goods and slightly toxic and emotionally unavailable, mention of addiction, mention of heroin abuse, mention of sex, mention of trauma, angst, mainly friends to lovers/impossible relationship dynamics.

nuclear season: part I -> | part II -> | part III -> prequel: <- part I | <- part II | part IV -> Masterlist

Beginning of April 2018

Erika sat on the porch swing, comfortably curled on herself. She was slowly rocking herself, naked foot pressed on the wooden patio floor, as she enjoyed the sundown of that exceptionally hot evening. She sipped on the cup of homemade peach iced tea she was so proud she made, deciding to accept that as something small to be grateful for today.

She was melancholically watching some of the neighbour’s kids playing on their familiar street. Their excited little voices, breaking through the evening, mixed with the noises of the place she called home. It was music for her soul. Something that resonated through her, always reminding her where she came from. She didn’t need to like Brisbane, to always have her inside compass pointing to it.

Her gaze cruised over the street cutting across the residential uptown area she grew up in. She could see herself, as clear as day, wearing her new pink helmet, on her birthday, learning to go on her little pink bike as Mark taught her how to ride all afternoon. And then again, when she was just a little over twelve, he did the same teaching her some skating tricks. She remembered how they used to walk over that road together every morning and every evening, as he was used to getting her to and from the bus stop to go to school or practice. Later, years later, she could still see them two sitting side by side just outside their garden, on the pavement. Erika had touched her first rock bottom and had asked him for help.

“You look so sad, honey,”

Erika huffed softly, moving her attention to her mother, who looked over her from the other side of the porch. She was still wearing her straw hat and was holding an old empty flower pot, in her cute gardening outfit.

“I am ok,” Erika tried to reassure her, offering a small smile, stretching on the swing. “I promise.”

The woman softly chuckled, putting the vase down and removing her gloves, walking to her, “What mother would I be if I believed you when you have a broken heart?”

Erika simply smiled, making space for the woman as she sat next to her.

For years, Erika had convinced herself to resent her mother for the flat life she thought the woman had. The life many would consider a good life. Housewife, happily married to a good man, carrying a family, caring for the house and herself. And Erika, especially in her teenage years, hated her for it. Considered her stupid and much worse things.

She was a sweet woman. A good woman. A good mother. And Erika still had to find the courage to apologise for how difficult she had been and how rocky she made their relationship. Not that her mother ever expected her to. That woman still loved her, Erika was her child and she never missed an opportunity to remind her. Though it was stronger than her, Erika felt more awkward than anything else around her.

It was shame. It was inadequacy. It was everything she regretted, knowing her mother was one of the many victims she had taken down in her path of destruction over the years.

“Mum,” Erika sighed, looking away. “Please, I am fine.”

“Mh,” Erika felt the woman looking at her with the wisdom of someone who just knew better, “Mark called. Again.”

Erika flinched.

Her chest was still broken. It was undeniable. Her heart was in a thousand pieces. Thinking about her brother hurt her too much. It was still such a sore, open wound. The longer she spent apart, the more it felt as if she was missing part of her.

After what happened, Erika left. She left the job at RevPro and she left England for good, not saying a word. Not leaving a message. She changed her phone, her number, everything and tried to continue with her life.

The only thing she dared to do, breaking her own rule to become a ghost, was to steal one of Kyle's t-shirts. Just because she wanted to have something that smelled like him. It didn’t carry his scent anymore, now, but she still kept it safe under her pillow and slept hugging it or wearing it.

When she disappeared without leaving a trace, she knew Mark lost his mind about it. Especially in the first forty-eight hours she spent flying over to Australia. But she wasn’t interested in his concern. When she landed and surprised her parents, she didn't care whether or not they had let Mark know. It wasn’t her responsibility to make him feel better.

She hadn’t talked to him in a couple of weeks. And she had no intention of doing so. Not yet. She wasn’t ready.

There was so much she needed to fix before she even decided to consider forgiveness. But, like it or not, he was always there with her. She’d see him around the house and in all the familiar places they grew up together. And he’d still be her voice of reason, even despite the terrible things he had said the last time they spoke.

Her anger had calmed by now, leaving behind only pain. Pain, she had to learn to deal with. It wasn’t something she had done before. Before, she would have tried to do anything to numb it, cancel it, erasing herself in the process. Even this time, as soon as she landed back home, she went close to embarking on yet another self-destructive trip. She was there. She almost went to see her old friend who’d always have a fresh fix for her. But this time, differently from ever before, Erika understood consequences and she just knew she would have seen the end of it either in a hospital or six feet under.

So, she was learning to deal with her emotions being clean. She was learning to become her own person, doing a lot of healing and mending in the process. And it was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. However, there was no other way forward. She needed to fix herself to fix it all.

She was still mad at Mark, and she would have been mad for a long time. But he wasn’t the only one she was upset at. She was angry at herself for proving him right. For doubting her own choices and abilities. And for having caused pain to the only person she was supposed to love. And she had no intention to let self-doubt ever bring her that close to ruin her life again.

“I don’t care,” she finally replied, shaking her head. “I don’t want to know.”

“He is so worried for you, honey. You-”

“Mum,” Erika snapped in a gentle warning, looking over to the woman by her side, “Please, leave it alone. Please. You don’t know what happened and you can’t understand it. I am not ready.”

“Then tell me what happened, sweetheart. Help me understand,”

Erika's chuckle was dry, maybe even cruel, even though she didn’t mean it to be. “You can’t understand,” she simply said, shrugging. “Ask your son to tell you what he did.”

“I did.”

“And?”

“He cut me off.”

“See?” Erika chuckled, shaking her head. “Leave it alone, mum. It’s ugly and it’s between us.”

“I can’t stand having my two children not talking. You were so close. It was my only joy,”

Erika had to bite her tongue and think twice before abruptly replying. “No,” she gently placed a hand on her mother’s. “Mum, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you for kicks. I won’t tell you what happened because I can’t have the responsibility to put you in a position to reconsider your son’s worth or choose sides or whatever.”

“After everything you have done, I still consider you so highly, my child, do you think what he did is worse than that?”

Erika took no offence to her mother’s honesty. She wasn’t wrong, after all. “To me it is,” she simply replied, “It is a matter between me and Mark, and we are both adults, we’ll figure it out, one day. He’s still my brother.”

Her mother cupped her face in one hand, making her look at her. The two looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, as the older woman smiled softly at her. “I am proud of the woman you are becoming. I am sorry it is all so painful to you.”

“I’ll be fine, mum. Thank you,” Erika squeezed her hand.

End of April 2018.

“Mum?” Erika called as she entered her childhood home. “Can I have a hand?” She wondered, balancing herself as she carried as many bags of groceries under her arms as she possibly could. “The car is packed full. I’ll help you put it all away, I promise,” she still chirped moving through the still big house, receiving only silence in response.

As Erika moved to the kitchen, she finally began to hear two low voices chatting from the back porch. One was her mother, who now was chuckling the other Erika couldn’t recognise. In the background, she heard the noise of the lawn mower too, but it was far enough she wasn’t sure if it came from her garden or the neighbours’.

She left the grocery bags on the counter and popped her head out the door, looking for the two women with a certain urgency and curiosity. They were both comfortably sitting on the two garden chairs on the deck. Both wore sundresses, facing the pretty garden her mum was so proud of, sipping on fresh lemonade. They both watched closely the young-looking gardener working at the end of their lawn, cutting the grass.

“Hey,” Erika began, quickly losing interest in the view the other two seemed to be so lost in. She didn’t even want to think about it too much. “Was looking for you,” she hinted to her mum, “been talking to myself a while.”

“Hello honey,” her mother chuckled, “I’m sorry, couldn’t hear you from out here.”

“Is this her?” The other woman wondered, looking at her mother first and then back at her. She studied Erika with such interest she felt the need to shy away.

“Yes,” her mother too looked up at her with certain pride in her eyes. “She is so pretty, isn’t she?”

The second woman smiled, nodding silently. “Pardon me, sweety, you are probably wondering what kind of rude manners I must have, I am Pamela, and I live a few doors down, pleased to meet you,”

It was beyond Erika. The way the woman spoke, sitting in her lovely yellow dress, with her legs elegantly crossed and her glass of lemonade at hand made her think about a sophisticated housewife from the sixties. She still smiled politely, trying to mirror the approach that the woman was showing her. “Nice to meet you too, I am Erika, but you must know that already. You must be a friend of my mum’s?”

“Yes!” The woman and her mother exchanged a little look, giggling to themselves. “We met at Pilates only last year!”

“Can you believe women our age are still making friends like teenagers?” Her mother giggled, sipping on her lemonade, all pleased with herself.

“As soon as you two don’t go create a Burn Book for the neighbourhood, I think we are safe,” Erika chuckled with them, doing her best to indulge her mother and her small joys.

“She is a beautiful young woman and a funny one too? Jackpot.” Pamela giggled, clinking her glass with her mothers in a silent cheer.

“I told you. My daughter is a catch,”

“Must have boys coming for her left and right.”

“Oh,” her mother chuckled again, “You don’t know the beginning of it.”

For a moment Erika felt like they forgot she was standing there, even though both women still studied her like a prized pony or something.

Pamela giggled, nodding. “It doesn’t surprise me,” she then turned over to Erika, rosy cheeks and the largest smile she had ever seen before, “you know? I have a son.” The woman hinted to the boy in the garden with pride, “He’s really nice. Kind, handsome and very smart.”

As any son is to any mother. Erika thought it but didn’t dare to say it. She now understood so many things and started to suspect the two women’s words in an entirely different light. Instead of saying what she truly wanted to say, which was that she didn’t need her mother to fix her up, she smiled politely, gently shaking her head. “I am sure he is, ma’am, don’t doubt it for one second.”

“Ah,” Pamela's smile only grew as she and her mother exchanged a complicit look Erika didn’t like. “You’d like him. Your mum tells me you are single. See, my son is single too. We thought that it would have been nice to introduce the two of you.”

Erika had to bite her tongue hard. Their idea of introductions was to have said boy on parade, cutting the grass shirtless, of course. “How thoughtful of you,” this time Erika only pretended to be polite but wasn’t doing much to hide her slight irritation. “But I am not looking for-”

“Oh, God, honey, of course not! Who do you think we are?” Her mother jumped over her words, gasping, as if Erika was the one who misunderstood the situation. “I only thought you just moved back and don’t have many friends. Then I met Pamela, and one thing led to another, we thought maybe you two could hang out like kids do?”

Erika may not like her mother’s behaviour sometimes, but she still pulled out an amused smile, looking at her trying to find a way to justify herself and digging herself a deeper grave. It was somewhat funny though.

“Yes!” Pamela innocently agreed, “Who knows where things lead, I say.”

She cleared her voice, trying to ignore their silly behaviour, justifying it as the ways mums went about their kids sometimes. “Anyways. Sorry to interrupt, ladies, but mum, if you could give me a hand with the groceries that would be lovely.”

“Oh! Trevor can help you with that,” her mother chirped.

Pamela immediately followed, nodding eagerly. “Yes! What a nice idea,” she was up in a second and, even before Erika had the time to catch a breath and ask questions, she already hopped in the garden, waving at the guy handling the lawn mower.

“Mum?” Erika wondered suspiciously, “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why do I feel like this is going to be a set-up?”

“Don’t be silly, dear,” her mum giggled some more. Erika started suspecting the lemonade could have some gin in it. “This is just one of those friendly neighbours’ moments. Pamela’s son so kindly offered to help out with the lawn since your father is always busy with work and,”

“And I am getting introduced,”

“Well, yes, we thought you needed a friend.”

Erika rolled her eyes, still smiling. “Who’s conveniently a shirtless guy cutting your grass, mum?”

“Well, it is about thirty degrees out there. God knows how hot the poor thing is under the sun.”

Before she could reply anything, Pamela was back and her son trailed her. He too, looked somewhat feeling as awkward as she did. At least they could both agree their mothers were being embarrassing.

“So,” Pamela began, pushing her son forward, “This is Trevor.”

He was still catching his breath, as he offered Erika a smile. “Hi, how do you do?” He threw her a hand that she felt obliged to accept.

He was her age, maybe just a little older. He was attractive, that was undeniable. Quite tall and fit too. But Erika looked at him with the same interest she’d have for a lamp post. It wasn’t because she was rude. It was simply because it did nothing to catch her interest.

“Hi, I’m Erika. But I am sure my mother already said that, didn’t she?”

“She did,” he nodded, “they are terrible sometimes, aren’t they?” He wondered, catching the first opportunity possible to give her a complicit look.

This time it was their turn to talk about their mothers like they weren’t standing there.

Erika smiled. Only for that, she was warming up to him. “Yes. Did they convince you to do this?”

“Well, I was allured in with the request of cutting some grass and the promise of some lemonade,”

“Ah,” Erika shook her head, chuckling, “I think your payment is a hot date.”

He hissed, only pretending to be annoyed. “That won’t do. I rather the lemonade.”

They both turned to their mothers, finding both women looking at them with the utmost pride as if they had just won a prize or something. Erika felt like they didn’t catch on to their humour.

Pamela leaned into her mother with a proud smile. “See? What did I tell you?”

Erika huffed and then decided to do the only sensible thing and turned to Trevor, “So, are you helping me with the grocery? It won’t put itself away and I’ve got places to be after.”

“Sure thing,” he chirped willingly, “anything to get away from my mother trying to find me a girlfriend.” The look he sent his mum was pure banter.

Erika wondered if he truly was unaware, or if he was simply trying to charm her into a plan, he was well aware of. Either way, she didn’t care too much.

They unloaded the car as quickly as possible. Erika had no time to lose. Especially if it was to linger and mingle with a shirtless, sweaty, guy placed in her house only for her to look at him.

She grabbed the last two bags and, before she could instruct Trevor to just shut the door, he already leaned in to grab the heavy bag containing all her camera equipment. It’s been left in the car since she came back to Australia. It was the only thing she hadn’t unpacked yet. And she pretended, lying to herself, that it was simply too heavy to carry upstairs.

“No. That, leave it there, please.”

“What is it?”

“None of your business,” she snapped before she could even realise how uncalled it was. Erika immediately regretted it and rolled her eyes, looking back at Trevor. “I am sorry. That wasn’t nice to say. It’s my camera, I am a photographer.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Good at it too. But I haven’t worked in a while now,” she cleared her voice, shaking her head “It’s complicated to explain but I just don’t want to have it in the house.”

“You kidding?”

“No.”

Trevor looked down at the black back he carried, “It might get ruined left in the car under the sun all day, you know?”

“Yes. I am aware,” she huffed, feeling cornered. “Fine. Bring it into the house. Leave it by the stairs, please.”

“Yes ma’am,” he chirped and followed her without saying a word as they returned to the house. “So, how is it you haven’t worked in a while?”

“My field of expertise is very specific,” Erika explained, knowing how lame that excuse was. She could have done anything. The problem was she hadn’t picked her camera up in weeks. Not once.

“And what’s that? Wildlife?”

“No,” she chuckled, “I wish. It’s actually pro wrestling.”

“You shit me!?”

“No.” Erika frowned. “I moved to England some time ago to follow my brother and worked for one of the biggest companies in the UK.”

“Your brother is a wrestler?”

“See?” Erika chuckled, “My mother thought to introduce me and left out all the juicy details. He is,” she then explained, a smile crossing her lips, “he loves it. Always loved it. So, now, that’s what he does.”

“Who’s he? Is it possible I’ve heard of him?”

“It’s possible you know him since he lived around here up to a few months ago. Mark Davis?” She dropped, not hiding the pride she felt for her brother even despite everything.

“Fuck me, Davis!? You are Erika Davis?”

“In the flesh,” Erika smiled, nodding, “guess the neighbourhood is a big place after all.”

“Nah, yeah, it is. I went to school with your brother. Not the same year. He was a senior when I started. Didn’t know Mark or anything but he was known in school.”

“Yep,” Erika sighed, shaking her head, “and no one ever let me forget that.”

“So, he’s a wrestler now, uh? That’s crazy. Is he making a name for himself or something?”

“He is trying, yes. He’s working with the UK's biggest pro wrestling company and doing some indie stuff on the side. He’s in a tag team called Aussie Open with another Australian wrestler.” She didn’t say his name on purpose. Her tongue was tied.

“Wow! I still can’t believe that.”

“I know. So, are you a wrestling fan?”

“Well, not so much, no. I grew up watching it like everyone else through the Attitude Era but then I grew out of it.”

“Oh,” she shrugged, “shame, I find wrestling extremely underrated.”

“Yeah,” he paused, looking at her closely, “so, you said you are a photographer for this stuff?”

“Yes. I get booked to events and my job is capturing every second of the show, making the boys look as good as possible as they do their thing. It is mostly for advertisement.”

“What’s the schedule of a job like that?”

“Busy. I used to work almost every day in different venues every time so it’s a lot of travelling and living in hotels. Usually, I’d follow Mark and get booked to his same shows.”

“Sounds hard.”

“Yeah. Not everyone’s cup of tea, but I liked it. It’s part of the business. You travel around and after a while, it becomes the same people and the same places you see so you get used to it.”

“How the hell did you end up back here?”

“Well,” Erika busied herself putting away some stuff in the cupboards. “That’s a long story for another time, perhaps.”

“A’right,” Trevor hung by the kitchen counter, passing her stuff, “consider me curious, though.”

“The short version is that I fucked my brother’s best friend. It ended up badly.” Erika didn’t even look behind her back to see Trevor’s reaction. She didn’t care. And things didn’t exactly go that way. But there was part of her that wanted to clarify the fact that she may look like a good girl and her mother may have presented her as a good girl, but she was far from it.

“Ok? That doesn’t necessarily justify leaving a career behind, does it?”

Erika rolled her eyes and turned to face him, shameless. “It does when said boy I fucked was my roommate and coworker. He’s the other half of Aussie Open. So, I had to take myself out of the equation.”

“Right,” Trevor was avoiding eye contact, slightly intimidated by her honesty. “There’s wrestling in Australia though, right?”

“Yes. But doing weddings and whatnot is a much easier gig to get back into.” Which was a fat lie. She had good expertise and the references to back her up, if she needed, to land a job in any of the Australian companies. But she didn’t want to. She needed to stay away from wrestling.

“Is that what you want to do?”

Erika just looked at him for a long moment, before taking a step back, deciding to rummage in another grocery bag and hide herself in the fridge as she put away some more stuff. “What is this? A job interview or something?”

“Sorry, no. I was just trying to know you better.”

“Well, I don’t want that,” she simply explained, shrugging. “Sorry, you look like you are a nice guy. You got the looks too and everything. But I am not looking to meet anyone.”

“Ah,” Trevor nodded wisely, “the best friend?”

Erika turned pale, glaring at him for the longest moment, unsure if she wanted to run, throw something at him or just disappear into the ground.

She opted for a grocery bag, digging in it like her life depended on it.

“Right,” Trevor continued. “Well, I am around, if you ever fancy hanging out.”

Erika had to give it to him, the guy had balls. But, at the same time, she was quite done with that conversation. Any of it. Anything that brought her even remotely close to thinking about Kyle was banished from her mind.

She wasn’t ready.

“Thank you,” Erika cleared her voice, this time, even if she felt awkward as hell, she looked straight at him. “I won’t take you up on that, you know it, right?”

“One can only hope,” Trevor offered her a small encouraging smile, nodding.

Erika shrugged it off, turning around to put away the last thing. “Don’t get your hopes up, mate,” she explained with a tired sigh. She was trying to be nice. She could have just told him to fuck off. That would have been much easier and much more directed to make that guy understand that despite whatever their mothers have said, she had other things to think about. And despite it all, she wasn’t being polite to him for his interests. She was doing it for her mother. She was happy with her new friend; Erika had no intention of causing them any problems because, yet again, she was gonna be selfish.

No. She was going to be a controlled, polite adult. That’s how she was supposed to behave, right?

“Maybe you should go finish cutting the grass for my mother now,” Erika suggested, dropping in a massive hint for him to catch. She was done chitchatting.

Trevor pulled out a massive smile. His dark eyes glimmered with amusement as he looked her up and down. “Wow, I never thought being treated like a little errand boy could be fun.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. But you know what I meant, don’t you?”

“Sure,” he nodded, still smiling. “Absolutely no offence taken, by the way.”

May 2018

“It’s on!” Her father’s voice called from the living room as everyone in the family buzzed through the house, responding to his call and running to gather in front of the TV.

Erika took it easy. She casually held back in the kitchen, pretending to make herself a fresh cup of coffee, just so she had an excuse to delay her attendance as much as possible.

“Erika! Quick, you are going to miss it.”

“What a shame,” she whispered to herself, deciding not to reply directly to her mum’s bubbly excitement.

It was not even six in the morning in Brisbane. In London, it was almost eight in the evening the day before. Their entire family, including unrelated so-called uncles who were only good family friends, were gathered around to watch a live episode of Ring Of Honor featuring Aussie Open. Everyone was there to see Mark on the screen, doing the thing he had left the country months ago to go and do.

Even Trevor was there. Not by her invitation. Her mother had taken a liking to seeing them hanging out and, despite her attempts to get her to stop, she kept inviting him around.

Erika was trying not to think about it and did everything in her power not to pay attention to him, even though he kept coming onto her.

“You're not interested in seeing your brother on TV?” He wondered leaning against the door frame, looking into the kitchen.

Erika hid behind her cup of coffee, trying her best not to roll her eyes. “Coffee,” she simply explained, hoping that would be enough.

“Oh, fair enough,”

“You can go watch it though. My mother invited you over for that reason,” she didn't want to sound rude but it was too early in the morning for her to deal with unrequited interest. Especially when she never led him on.

Yes, both their mothers had tried to find every excuse to have them hanging out, but Erika had never stopped reminding him how not interested she was. Although, politeness and awkwardness aside, she started suspecting he was taking it like a challenge. Which she was more than happy to let him do. She was the one who would have won in the end, anyway.

Erika approached him, hinting to move to the living room, encouraging him with a little look only pretending she would have followed him. Instead, she kept herself in the back. By that point, as soon as Trevor took a seat in one of the chairs placed around the room, expecting her to sit by his side, it was too late for him to realise she didn’t follow him.

Erika’s lips bent in a small grin that she hid behind her cup of coffee.

Her attention then distractedly moved to the TV screen. She was only pretending she didn’t care. She knew how big of a deal a match in Ring of Honor could be and she wished she could be there with them.

By now, everyone knew she wasn’t talking to Mark, so no one would have second-guessed her weird behaviour. She only needed to keep appearances up, like her biggest problem was Mark on the screen. It was more than convenient for her to stay behind everyone so that everyone’s eyes were pointed at the TV and no one would have noticed the way she pined over the tall Aussie boy playing pretend fighting by her brother's side.

She was working so hard to become someone she could be proud of. Someone she would think worthy. Someone who could consider apologising. But she felt like her way was still long. And she wasn’t ready to see Kyle, yet.

She barely allowed herself to think about him. Because only the thought of him was enough to destabilise her. She missed him so much it was unbearable. And thinking about how things went was a wave of regrets that rolled from the inside of her, ripping her chest open.

At night it was worse. When she was alone, trying to sleep, the thought of him crept into her mind, leaving her breathless, and Erika would find herself grasping on that lousy piece of clothing she stole as if it could ever replace the real thing. Often, she’d cry herself to sleep, suffocating her pain into the pillow.

Her entire body ached anytime she thought about what she had ruined and how there was a chance she’d never get it back.

She wasn’t ready to see him now, doing his thing, working on his dream. It was too easy to take the image on a TV and filter it off the truth, convincing herself that he was happy with his life as it was and she’d only ruin it even more if she ever dared to get closer to him again. Even just looking into a TV screen made it so easy to convince herself it would have hurt him, somehow. It would have surely ripped her apart. And she couldn’t afford to have a breakdown in front of her entire family.

Erika held her breath as she focused on the screen, definitively losing the battle with herself. She watched the boys circling the ring. They had just been announced. Both walked with their typical cocky stride, filling up the space.

Mark looked imposing and casual as usual, confident smirk printed on his lips, in line with his character who wasn’t afraid of anything only because he just knew he was stronger and bigger than most. Erika��s heart still trembled looking at him and a small, sad smile popped on her lips. She hated to think about it. He didn’t deserve it. But she missed him.

Then, her attention shifted to Kyle. He was just as pretty as she remembered. Maybe even more. He had a black strip around his bicep, making his arm muscles pop. That was new. And it made her heart stop. The way just looking at him walking around, all serious, trying to be imposing, as Aussie Open were generally heels, made her feel inside was impossible to describe. Her heart leapt out of her and through halfway across the world, reaching for him. God, how much she wished to be by his side. A shiver crossed her as the memory of knowing exactly how his lips felt on her skin haunted her.

If only her problem was simply longing for him. The worst part was knowing how she had him in her arms, to keep safe, to respect and love. And she just broke his heart out of stupidity.

As usual, he wore his hood up, only so he could cock his head back and kick it off himself on the top buckle, presenting himself to the crowd in his archer pose.

“Why does he do that?” One of the older cousins asked distractedly as everyone looked at the boys and commented on their entrance.

“He’s known as the Aussie Arrow,” Erika explained, keeping her arms crossed to her chest, ignoring the few that turned to look at her. Trevor was studying her particularly closely. She had to try everything in her power to remain as stoic and detached as possible. “Fast, lean and sharp, get it?”

“Oh!” He wasn’t the only one replying with that, putting Erika’s words together.

She had witnessed maybe thirty seconds, top. And she already couldn’t handle it anymore. Kyle and Mark crossed in the ring and exchanged an affectionate fist bump. That too, made her chest ache.

“Such a sweet boy he is,” her mother started, “spoke to him on the phone just the other day,”

“Don’t say that, auntie!” The younger of all cousins, only eight, complained, warning her, “We need to believe he’s evil!”

“Oh, sorry!”

“He’s so cute though,” her cousin giggled, hugging her pillow. Them two were the only girls spawned in between all the family kids. She wasn’t much younger than Erika and yet she felt like there was an abyss in between them.

“Yes,” her mother agreed, “very pretty young boy.”

“What do you mean you spoke to him?” Erika intervened between their chattering, letting her question roll out of her chest before she could even think about it.

Her mum popped her head up, looking at her from over the sofa. “Sorry, darling? What’s that?”

“What does it mean you spoke to Fletch?”

“Hey,” one of the uncles cut through, “we are trying to watch Mark here, take your gossiping somewhere else,”

Erika ignored him, pressing on. “Mum?”

“Why do you care, honey?” The woman looked at her for a long moment, “We had some light conversation as Mark couldn’t come to the phone, so he was kind enough to entertain me in the meantime.”

Erika’s chest ached.

Of course, he was. He was a delight.

She wished so badly to hear his voice. She wanted him to talk to her. To whisper sweet things into her ear just like he did that night, as they giggled in between the sheets.

Her mother was still looking at her, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. Not with words. Erika bit her nails nervously, looking away. And then something seemed to strike the woman as recognition sparked through her eyes. “Darling? Do you have anything to do with the boy?”

“No,” Erika lied badly. “I mean, yes, of course, he is my friend,” she tried to correct herself, not helping her case at all.

As more and more people’s attention moved on her, Erika tried to hide only for her mother to gasp softly. “But you aren’t talking to him, I take it.”

Erika grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Can we just go back to watching?” Erika pointed at the TV. “Look, you are missing it.”

“Now I understand why he asked about you.” Her mother smiled, “I thought it was for Mark at first, but it wasn’t, was it?”

Erika was hit so deeply that she didn’t even realise how evident her reaction to her mum’s words was. “Did he?” She gasped, breathless, even before she could bite her tongue and force herself to shut up.

The entire family was watching. Everyone now knew or suspected there could be some drama. And their attention only grew, like bees on honey.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. I don’t care. And I don’t care about that stuff either,” she dismissed them all and, with her coffee mug, proceeded to leave and exit from the backdoor, finding some peace on the patio.

Erika dug her hand into her cardigan pocket and picked up the cigarettes, feeling the need to calm her nerves.

She sat down on the steps of the back porch, leaving her cup of coffee by her side and lighting herself a cigarette. The moment she inhaled the hot smoke into her lungs, was the second she found herself able to breathe again.

Her eyes were stinging because of the tears she was desperately trying to keep back. She squeezed herself into the light cardigan she was wearing, curling up on herself. Everyone was going on with their lives. Everyone was still existing. When she felt like she was stuck to a single moment from two months ago and had no guarantee she’d ever made it out.

What if Kyle had moved on? But then why would he ask about her?

What if she was only fooling herself and would have never changed? Never enough to be good for him, anyway.

The back door opened and closed as the wood of the patio creaked under someone’s weight.

“Go away, mum,” Erika warned, looking straight in front of her, not in the mood to have a conversation. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Good thing I am not your mother, sweetheart,” Her dad's soft chuckle slipped right through her. He sat by her side on the steps and gathered his hands on his knees, not saying a word more. He just sat there, with her, looking into the garden.

He was a sweet man. Maybe oblivious sometimes. A perfect match to her mum. He wasn’t too good with small talk, but he was there and that was what counted, even when Erika didn’t ask for it or want it. That’s where Mark learned to be so caring, most of the time.

He wasn’t a bad father, but Erika did find herself to hate him in their youth since he was more at work than home. Now, she knew it never meant he didn’t love his children, but at the time, a lot of the bad stuff she was doing she did also to get his attention.

She pushed her cigarette packet over to him, offering a smoke that he accepted gladly. “Your mother can be intense sometimes, I know. She doesn’t do it intentionally.”

“I know.”

“And sometimes she doesn’t read the room either,”

Erika still found the strength to chuckle, nodding. “No. She doesn’t, does she?”

Her dad leaned against her, giving her a small bump shoulder to shoulder. “She only means well. She wants to make sure you are ok.”

“But I am ok! I’ve been saying it every day,”

“Yeah?” Her dad looked right at her. Both she and Mark were a spitting image of the man. “I don’t want to overstep, but it looks to me like you are always so sad.”

“But I am ok, dad,” Erika still pushed out a soft smile, looking at him. “I could be so much worse,” she didn’t need to explain, “instead I am here, sober and doing my thing. I am ok.”

“And I am proud of what you are doing. I have to admit when you came back so abruptly, I was scared you’d fall back into the old habits. But you can’t just take care of your responsibilities.”

“What am I supposed to take care of?”

“This,” he tapped his chest, sending her a meaningful look. “You do not have to talk about it with me. But find someone to talk about it, because what you are carrying will eat you up, one day.”

Erika thought her dad’s words would have hurt her. She was ready to react her usual way, closing up. Instead, she took a deep breath, feeling some sort of release abandoning her chest. “I don’t have friends here. Mum only keeps trying to fix me up with Trevor who’s now convinced he has a chance.” She chuckled, but it wasn’t funny, “I used to talk about this stuff with Mark.”

“I know, sweetheart,”

“But then I fell for Kyle and,”

“That Aussie Arrow boy?”

“Yes.” Erika felt the boulder pressing on her rolling off her chest. It was the first time she admitted to someone else what she felt for Kyle. For the first time in months, she felt empty and free. It wasn’t relieving enough to push her pain off, but it made it so she could breathe easier. “I didn’t tell Mark. I kept it a secret for maybe too long. In the beginning, I thought I could pretend it wasn’t happening. I knew I wasn’t right for Kyle. But it got progressively worse and I just couldn’t stay away. To the point, Mark became suspicious first and protective after. Kyle is like a younger brother to him. He wants to protect him from harm, I know that. I respect that. Only he thought I was going to be harmful.”

“Is that why you don’t talk anymore?”

“He said some pretty bad things to me about my past. Made me think I wasn’t good enough. So, I bolted. Breaking Kyle’s heart in the process. And now, here I am, trying to keep it together. So, I am fine, dad.” She tried her best to smile, even though her chin was shaking and her eyes were glossed by the tears she couldn’t keep back anymore. “I fucked up. I had something good going on and I ruined it.”

Her dad left her the space to cry, rolling an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side, cradling her softly. “I am sorry, sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead once she calmed down, trying to lift the mood slightly. “And what did Kyle think about you not being good enough?”

“He would have skipped backwards for me.” She smiled distractedly.

“I like this boy,” her dad smiled proudly.

“He doesn’t know what I did though. He doesn’t know who I was I couldn’t tell him.”

“But he didn’t meet the girl you were. He met you for you.”

“But I am still so ashamed. My past doesn’t stop existing just because I decide to change.”

“But look where you are now and all the things you accomplished, honey.”

“And look all the bad I did, too. Mark wasn’t wrong, doubting me-”

“Don’t justify Mark.” Her father simply and calmly huffed, as if he was settling a quarrel between two kids over a toy, “Your brother should have known better. He should have expressed his fears differently trying to be more understanding, not making it so to scare you off and making you burn bridges.”

“Maybe. But what if he’d end up being right? What if I don’t deserve that kind of happiness? What if I keep fucking up?”

“But what if you don’t?” Her father made her look at him, pulling out a sweet smile, “What if you are sober, keeping the pieces together and doing ok?”

“That’s so scary, dad.”

“I know, honey, I know.” He patted her on the shoulder then, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to her. “Call your brother.”

Erika froze, looking down at the black screen of the phone he handed her. She held her breath, trying to find a way to put her thoughts in order and find some common sense. But she had none left. It was either keep running away and ignoring things or decide it was time to grow up and forgive.

“He’s having a match right now.” She hesitated, trying to find an excuse.

“We both know he’ll be done soon. If not already.” Her father released the soft sigh of someone wise enough to know better. “Call Mark, darling. It doesn’t need to be to reconcile. But you need to unload what you have inside. And that’s the only way.” He pushed the cigarette butt into a soil pot and then leaned in, kissing her temple, before standing up.

There was something unspoken going on with her parents. The less they reminded her of what she did in her past and the bad she caused, the easier it was for her to feel at ease enough to feel like she belonged with them. It wasn’t enough to let her forget and she still didn’t like the idea of living in Brisbane in the long term. But for now, she was already juggling too many plates, she didn’t have the time or focus to think about the future that way.

“I’ll be inside, making sure no one is disturbing you,” her dad continued, “Especially that Trevor guy.”

“Thank you, dad,” she didn’t necessarily refer only to that last part. She was truly grateful.

Her father replied with a simple yet meaningful nod before disappearing into the house, leaving her all the time and space she needed.

[letterstomonkey]

No Choice but My Mother

If I had no choice or all too many of them, I would come home to her. 

I would make for you the last of the food I scavenged and stored away for my life’s worth of winters to hibernate. 

All of my savings, I would hand it over on my own accord and lick the bottom of my feet before bed every night. 

Electric sensations of salty spit stinging, sticking, singing to me in the bathtub; Upon these feet, the mother wound stings me where I live for the satiety of healing myself from forfeiting pieces to you, it is personal to me, the way that I would carry you on my back barefoot over broken glass if you asked to be taken somewhere you had a chance at finding sleep. 

You, and me,

Hiding, and seeking, 

Swearing, and leaving, 

Frothing, and teething, 

Crumbling, and weeping, 

Crawling, towards healing, 

Healing, and teething, 

Practicing, speaking to you.

I listen to you chewing, and swallowing, every last crumb of your dinner prepared for one as I lose my head atop the staircase, coming undone, vividly picturing myself ripping the hair out of your head. 

My hunger has always been a choice to you, a voice in my ear that I could turn off should I choose, a voice that sounds a whole lot like you. I have always been so hungry but all of my hunger is directed at you. I want a full belly and I ache to be fed, only by you, and

I ache to be read, only by you,

I weep at the hands and sliced feet of the mother wound.

I am helpless yet the most helpful because of a woman. 

I am helpless at the hands of a woman;

I learned how to give myself away from the woman I watched have her wings clipped, constantly kept at bay, held back and bound to the bedpost of a bassinet,

What a wicked way to wander into a bleak betrayal. 

It is not my mother’s fault she played the game. Please understand that I hate the game, I despise, detest, I resent I request a recount of the votes because she may have lost everything but nobody can convince me to hate her player and not the game 

when the game is oh, so despicable at twisting and turning the rules every which way, 

Another day another downfall, 

Another alarm, another missed call 

A misstep means less when it’s hopscotch, 

But a hell of a lot more when you have already had one hip replacement you couldn’t afford.

It was like A miscalculation of sorts,

How you believed you could check yourself out of parenting as swiftly as the library books we checked out every week until you got sick of driving me. 

A conscientious and cumbersome white flag attached to her existence. 

I detest the salt of tears when I am reminded of how many years it has been since you handed me a bowl of fruit cut carefully 

By you, for me.

I have never tasted a sweeter sentiment.

My sweet teeth, you gave me cavities and I would have killed you to have a glimmering, white smile, but I would have killed for you to be even the smallest sliver sweeter to me. 

I have fruit shaped slices of anger sitting like a peach pit the size of a piggy bank in my stomach. I have the weight of a thousand hospital bills parked in the piggy bank of anger adding up in my belly and it will never go anywhere until I can repay this debt I sold my soul to, I sold my soul and I don’t remember when exactly I realized we share the same one. 

Pennies and nickels and loans, I promise I swear I will repay the debt I never forgot I owe. 

Living off pickles and crushed ice and sweet tea. Living off skating the outskirts of survival but tasting the confetti. 

Your Facebook birthday post for me contains the nicest words I heard from you this month. 

I wore your clothes to my office job and returned home in shambles after everybody complimented the navy blue blouse of yours, a square neckline and puffy sleeves, tagged by Old Navy,

I wore you proudly.

I must look like my mom in this. 

My mom is the most astonishing, breathtaking, threatening woman I ever did spawn from. 

She is a Capricorn and I am a Cancer. 

She is a teacher, missing her key with all the answers.

She is a listener,

The one audience member laughing ferociously for every bad joke my lips ever spoke.

She holds her head high and hands to the sun digging her feet into shore

Patrolling me diving headfirst into dark ocean floor. 

She would turn around and tell her sisters before you could finish asking her to keep it a secret. 

If I had no choice or all too many of them, I would share a room with my mother again, freshly fourteen next to you at forty-three, two twin sized beds and a loud enough wall to wake one another up banging our heads against it. 

If I had no choice or as many choices as apologies I owe you, I would lock us inside the bedroom both of us hated having to share. I would grind up and chew the key to our bedroom into the finest chalk dust and drink it with a bottle of your favorite champagne.

How old was I when I stopped wanting to share everything with you? 

Did you ever stop wanting to share your life with me?

How old will I be when you start missing my birthdays, and

Who will celebrate me the way you always try to?

I would sit there with you in the car, in the back seat looking at the back of your headrest, avoiding meeting your eyes in the rearview at all costs, rage on my tongue and blood in my tears and fighting for you to tell me 

What I should have done differently, 

Where I wound up on the path to become you, and

Who were you trying to become all these years, rather

Who were you so desperate to stray from becoming and why was it your own mother?

How much longer am I in time-out, and

What will it take for me to earn my place at the dinner table?

Have you sent the invitations yet and 

Why do you always invite the ghost of me at age six?

Can you please unzip my dress and can you close the garage door before you start the car? 

Can you sit here with me and see past my pores into my thoughts?

I would rest in so much peace in the stillness of my mother’s Hyundai backseat.

I feel rest only when she is watching over me. 

I feel scared around her sometimes. 

I am scared to hear what she will say when I am done speaking. 

I am so scared to find out how she really feels about me, 

What she says about me when I’m nowhere near, 

What does she pray for when she mentions me to God, and

Why didn’t she spend some of that time praying,

Just listening to me instead? 

Has anybody seen my mother happy? 

Is there a way to know happiness once you’ve known motherhood? 

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel or is that something they say without checking to see if they overbooked the train my mother was supposed to take out of the tunnel? 

I wish to meet her, a 15 year old girl, the living epitome of vulnerability, was she really as chubby as she tells me she was? She curses her mother for feeding her TV dinner trays that plumped her cheeks and kept her mouth too full to fuss for every evening she was left to fend for herself. 

I wish to ask her about her dreams, the ones she never thought about again after she left the NICU at twenty one years old. 

Where did she hide them and how deep did she cut her skin open to stitch the key inside herself?

If I had no choice or a million and one with my mother watching over me, I would dedicate all of this prose littered with my own heartache 

to the woman who woke up and worried about me against her own will. 

I would run from her until my lungs collapsed in on me, 

and I would sing to her until my lungs collapsed in on me, 

and I would paint pastures and red roses and wild horses and coastal sceneries until her eyesight gave up on her. 

I will make my words into watercolor

My voice into the softest paint brush and 

I will make her bed and lie with her inside it

I will make us into a canvas and let the world paint us how they please

They will never understand you like I do

And they certainly will never grasp the greenery the way we do together

The way the deer still graze our greenway through misty mornings apart

And we tie our car keys in a bow with our shoelace

Banana bread, I will bake more for you

And I will brush your hair more tenderly

Than you ever did brush mine

And I will laugh at the jokes you make at my expense.

If I had no choice or as many as I had reasons to run from you,

If I had no choice or a choice for every sacrifice slain on the front door, 

If I had nothing in my savings but my mom in my passenger seat, and I passed a poor man on the highway in the grueling August heat,

would she yell at me for volunteering all the cash I had on me? 

Would she secretly feel sorry for me, seeing how I inherited my mother’s inability to help myself before I help everybody else?

If I had every choice in the world but my mother was watching, would I always move in synchronization to the beat of my mother’s heart, for always, forever?

If I had no choice or all too many of them, I would come home, to her.

[carmennivis]

Nils in Fodlan!

Personal Info:

Name: Nils Gender: Male (transmasc) Birthday: 7th Day of the Guardian Moon (January 7th) Age: 1200+ Apparent Age: 16 Height: 152 cm (5’0”) Weight: 44 KG (97 lbs) Crest/Holy Blood: He’s an ice dragon, so maybe he could have a crest of his own..? Class: Golden Deer Affiliation: Lyndis Legion, Traveling Performers

Personal History:

(Note:B.W. Refers to before the ending winter. Most years are rough estimates.)

Elibe 300 B.W. - Nils was born to Ice Dragon Aenir and her human husband Nergal.

Elibe 100 B.W. - The Scouring Begins. The family is forced into hiding.

Elibe 0 - The Ending Winter happens. With the air changing, Aenir, Ninian and Nils are forced into human forms.

Elibe 20 - Aenir is captured by humans and presumably killed. Nergal goes after her, and tells his children to enter the Dragon’s gate. They do, losing a large part of their memories.

Elibe 978 - Hearing a voice call out to them, Nils and Ninian pass through the dragon’s gate once more. They lost most of their power when in Elibe and lose their dragon stones, but manage to avoid capture and start a life as traveling performers.

Elibe 979 - The duo was rescued by Lyn and joined her for a time to take back Caelin.

Elibe 980 - The battle against Nergal and the Black Fang happens, where Nils joins Eliwood and Hector after they rescue him and Ninian from the dread isle.

Elibe 981 - With the battle over, Nils enters the Dragon Gate to seal it back up from the other side. An unknown time later, he is whisked away by the gate to Fodlan.

Interests: Performing, Diving, Nature Likes: Music, Dancing, Cold days, Frigid waters, bloody meats, nature walks, a nice breeze, the moon and stars, sweets Dislikes: Selfish Humans, Loneliness, hot days, spicy food, wyvern riders, hot soups and stews Status: Scion of the Elibean Ice Dragon tribe and a traveling bard Close Allies: Ninian, Lyn, Mark

Dining Hall Preferences

Likes: Saghert and Cream, Sweet Bun Trio, Pheasant Roast with Berry Sauce, Peach Sorbet, Beast Meat Teppanyaki, Pickled Rabbit Skewers, Gronder Meat Skewers, Derdriu-Style Fried Pheasant, Grilled Herring, Fruit and Herring Tart, Fisherman’s Bounty, Fish Sandwich, Two-fish Saute, Bourgeois Pike Dislikes:  Sauteed Jerky, Spicy Fish and Turnip Stew, Sweet and Salty Whitefish Saute, Super-Spicy Fish Dango, Sauteed Pheasant with Eggs, Daphnel Stew, Onion Gratin Soup, Cheesy Verona Stew

Dining Hall Quotes

Favorite Dish

“Wow, this is so delicious..! If only I could share some with Ninian…”

Least favorite dish

“Ack, this is- well, um.. Quite a unique flavor… do humans really like this…?”

Tea Time Guide

Favorite Tea: Mint Leaves

Favored Topics

A place you’d like to visit / Books you’ve read recently / Children at the market / Monastery security / I’m counting on you / Our first meeting / Past Laughs / Reliable allies / Someone you look up to / Thanks for everything / The library’s collection / The view from the bridge / Working together / You seem well / You’re doing great work / Favorite sweets / Shareable snacks / Books you’ve reach recently / Heart-racing memories / Hopes for your future 

Tea Time Quotes

Greeting

“Thank you for inviting me..! Would you perhaps like a tune to accompany the tea?”

Favorite Tea

“Oh, this is..! My sister and I enjoy drinking this together often..!”

5 star tea

“Are you really brewing such an expensive tea for just a humble bard? You truly are too kind..!”

Being Observed

“I’m.. Not used to being looked at so tenderly, haha.” “I-I have unusual eyes..?! No, they’re as normal as can be!” “Do I seem cold? Don’t worry, I actually quite enjoy the breeze!” “Is it normal for people to get this close..?”

Introducing Own Topic

“I’m waiting for my tea to cool off.. I can’t really handle hot drinks, you see.” “The air here is so nice.. It’s like a gentle embrace, don’t you think?” “I can perform just fine, but being close to so many people daily? It's a lot, sometimes.” “Have you ever been to my performance? I’ll make sure to rouse your spirits!” “You’re a bit of an odd one.. But I can tell you’re a kind person.” “It’s been so nice to settle down here.. I wonder if I should stay here longer..” “No matter how far apart we may be.. My bond with Ninian is unbreakable.” “I’m looking forward to winter..! The blanket of snow will be so beautiful..!” “I always take good care of my flute, it’s my greatest tool, after all..!”

Quips

“Hm?” “Oh!” “I see..”

End

“I had fun..! Thank you very much for inviting me!”

Misc. Dialogue

Gift Guide

Favorite Gifts: Any flower, Smoked Meat, Book of Sheet Music Disliked Gifts: Exotic Spices, Coffee Beans, Blue Cheese

Gift Quotes

Disliked gift

“Um.. Thank you? …Are you sure you intended to give this to me?“

Liked gift

“Thank you so much…!”

Favorite gift

“Wow, I love this..! I’ll make sure to cherish it!”

Lost Items

Flute Cleaning Kit - Various tools meant to be used to clean a wind instrument and for its general upkeep. It likely belongs to someone who plays the flute and values it deeply. Location Found: Dormitories Piece of Arctic Coral - A piece of blue coral that only grows in the depths of frigid waters. It likely belongs to someone who can handle such temperatures and enjoys diving. Location Found: Classrooms Bag of Peppermint Candies - A small bag of minty fresh sweet treats that are a bit of an acquired taste. It likely belongs to someone who enjoys sweets with a cool taste. Location Found: Dining Hall

Lost Item Quotes

Owner

“Yes, this belongs to me! Thank you so much for finding it..!”

Not owner

“I can’t say this looks familiar.. I hope you can find the owner soon!”

Battle Quotes

Mock Battle Retreat

“Ah..! I knew it, I was never cut out for battle…”

First Kill

“If.. If it means I can protect her, then I’ll do whatever it takes.”

Monastery Lines

Choir Practice

“I prefer instruments over singing, but this is still quite fun! Hmmhmmhmm~”

Cooking

“I can handle chopping the ingredients! I’ll just.. Leave the fire to you, then.”

Tutoring

Instruct

Bad

“Maybe there’s something in the air..?” Console: “That’s alright. Sometimes you have to fail in order to grow!” Critique: “You’re right.. But I have to keep going!”

Great

“Maybe I do have what it takes!”

Perfect

“With this new strength, I’ll keep us safe!”

Praise: “Please, teach me more..! I have to grow stronger!”

Stable Duty

“Hmm, You’re quite the sweetheart, aren’t you? Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Weeding / Clearing Rubble

“These hands are so small.. But I’ll keep trying!”

Sky Watch

“Ah… The air is even fresher up here, how lovely!”

Certification Exams

Failed

“I’m sorry, It seems like I haven't tried hard enough...”

Passed

“I passed? Wonderful! No doubt thanks to your help!”

Lecture Questions

Approach

“Excuse me, Professor?”

Question

“I get so scared at the thought of going to the front lines.. But I have to get stronger to keep those I love safe. How do you cope with it? To put yourself in danger like that?” OK: “Try not to think too much about it. Focus on nothing but the battle.” Bad: “If that’s how you feel, you should stay in the back.” Good: “Keep in mind what you want to protect. Let it be your strength.”

Bad Answer

“Sorry, that’s.. Not what I meant.”

Good Answer

“Yes, I see it now. Thank you!”

Update Goals

Bows

“For some reason, the idea of bards using bows has become quite famous as of late.. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to try, would it? Attacking from a distance might be better for me, too.. So please help me train in bows!”

Faith

“I know as a foreigner, my faith should be different. Yet, something about the teachings of Seiros feel so.. Comforting to me. Please, allow me to train in Faith, so I can explore this power further.”

Authority

“Being a bard means being able to charm people. Naturally, someone like that should be able to lead and inspire others too. Please let me study in Authority for this reason!”

Level Up

0 to 2 stats up

“This body of mine is too weak to protect anyone…”

3 to 4 stats up

“Whew! What a refreshing development!”

5 stats up

“With this new power, I’ll put on a performance of a lifetime!”

6 stats up

“I’ll keep everyone safe and energized, I promise this to you!”

Upon reaching level 99

“It’s almost as if I have my original strength back, despite this weaker body…

Budding Talent

“I didn’t realize I had this in me..! Thank you for inspiring me!”

New Skill

“I’ll use this for a new performance!

Reclassing

“What an interesting costume! It’ll liven up my performances, too!”

Battle Quotes

When selected

Full/High HP

“Rouse your spirits!”

Medium HP

“My song hasn’t ended yet!”

Low HP

“I can.. Keep going..”

Enemy Deals 1 or No Damage or Misses

“Is that it?” “So close!”

Critical Attack

“I won’t run away anymore!” “Graaaargh!” “Let’s change the course of fate!” “This is your swan song!” “Freeze to the core!”

Gambit

“Follow my lead, everyone!”

Gambit Boost

“I’ve got your back!”

Defeated Enemy

“Anything to keep us safe.” “I had no choice, forgive me.” “I took no pleasure in this.” “This was your finale.”

Ally Defeats Enemy

“What a performance!” “Such strength!” “You make me feel safe..!”

Ally Heals/Rallies

“How inspiring!” “Dearly appreciated!” “Thank you for the boost!”

Death/Retreat Quote

Casual

“This is too much for me.. I have to survive, for Ninian.. Sorry, but I must retreat.”

Classic

“Ni..nian… Please be happy.. Get home safely, and.. Please forgive your.. Stupid bro..ther..”

[rbts-novel]

Chapter 2

Once Cheol had walked into the canteen, Beth got her phone out of the back pocket of the jeans she was wearing. While she was coming down in the lift with her male co worker she had felt the terminal vibrate a few times.

As the screen turned on, a few messages from her best friend and neighbour popped up. Wonwoo, a guy four years older than her and who was into videogames and photography, became her best friend the day they bumped into each other and, by mistake, they took each other's apartment keys.

As a solution, Wonwoo decided to get them matching keyrings that, when put nearby, showed a sunflower. Regardless, they became so fond of each other it was normal for both of them to walk into their houses while the other was sitting there.

Wonwoo had texted Beth to tell her that he and Seollie, his dog, were nearby the agency and they would bring her favourite drink over.

When she was about to reply with a voice memo, she heard a bark and a male's voice. Jeon was standing a few meters away from her and the dog was waiting for her to scratch her back.

If it wasn't because I love her dearly as well, I would be jealous if you give Seol more attention than you give me. - The older one spoke while unleashing the pet.

Oh come on, Wonwoo. You will always be my number one- Beth threw the ball back into his side of the court.

The young lady was, certainly, shy. But that didn't mean she couldn't banter him and still feel comfortable.

How is everything going inside? - Wonwoo was now curious about his friend's work. He looked at the big building. He knew Ji Hoon, they had few friends in common and once offered to videotape an announcement for the company.

A bit chaotic, not going to lie. It's Christmas time so we are all busy. Calls for last time reservations, people who get trapped in their origin airports so they need to change their hotel dates. But somehow we are all managing quite well, I won't lie to you. - Beth took a sip of the iced peach tea her best friend had brought her. She was totally fine with drinking cold beverages during winter as it would boost her energy.

Still, how come you are out right now? It is not your break time yet- Wonwoo inquired while rising his left eyebrow

Wonwoo knew the girl's schedule better than his own face. He obliged himself to learn it by heart after he had to rush in his car to pick her up once she felt sick to her bones. That day she should have stayed home, but her pride was bigger and went to work. The first hours of the morning went ahead totally fine, but it was around midday after she had lunch at the building's canteen that her body started to react worse.

In case you wonder, yes it was nobody else but Cheol the one who noticed that she was sick. Worried about her, he stomped into Ji Hoon's office to ask him for permission on her behalf to leave.

Ji Hoon just agreed and asked the taller one to call someone. That was the very first and only time Wonwoo and Cheol had met.

The first, who just thought of Beth as a sister, looked at Cheol who was basically about to lose his mind for how worried Beth had him.

Beth, hardly remembers that moment. However, Cheol pleaded Wonwoo to call him immediately if, by any chance, Beth's health got worse. The latter promised to do so and brought her home with him.

Well, Ji Hoon just gave us a short break. As soon as we all stepped in we started working, we didn't even have the morning meeting.- she gave him an explanation and, as she did, her phone buzzed- What do you want to bet that’s Ji Hoon telling us we have a meeting at 12 sharp?

Well. Said and done. The message that popped on the screen read exactly what Beth had guessed.

Then, you should walk in already- Wonwoo checked his watch and saw it was currently ten to twelve.- Come over this night, I will make dinner for you so you can disconnect from adult life.

I have told you I love you dearly, right? I owe it back to you, Won!- she hugged him and greeted Seol goodbye.

As she walked to the building another man was there waiting for her. Cheol, who had sat down alone at a desk near the windows of the canteen, had been looking at the best friends the whole time. Anytime he did, it gave him more reasons to believe they were dating. That scared him.

And even worse, he was scared that his shyness would push Beth apart and lead to him not being able to confess his feelings to her at all.

There was no day at the office he wouldn't admire her from afar. It was all the little things she did that had him in a hold. The way she fluently spoke other languages on the phone. How her accent would suddenly pop up whenever she spoke with her friends back home. The smell of her home made meal whenever they ate together.

Now, he was standing there. Waiting for her to go up together. He looked at Wonwoo and both bowed down as a greeting.

Seol it's such a nice dog- Cheol said to Beth once they both started walking together to take the lift up.

She is! Do you have a pet? - Beth noticed she had never asked Cheol such a personal question

I do. Kkuma, a dog!- Cheol happily showed her a picture- She is the apple of my eye. She keeps me such an amazing company that it's worth all the money in the world. And you, Beth?

Mom and dad are still enjoying Kali's company. We have been together for years now, and I miss her. I am looking forward to going back home and seeing her again. And my parents as well- now it was her, the one proudly showing off her pet.

If Kali happened to live here with you Wonwoo you and I could hang together with our dogs sometime - Once again, Cheol spoke faster than he should have. However he was glad he had said Wonwoo's name so Beth wouldn't feel uncomfortable with the idea of being alone with him

You know what? Let's do it! I'll speak with Won so we can all hang out once. You guys never got to speak to each other ever since the day you called him to pick me, right? - Beth truly wanted them to meet. She didn't get along with many people in Seoul, but being able to hang out with her best friend and the only workmate she got along with sounded perfect to her.

Really? - Choi asked in disbelief. Beth just gave him a warm smile.- Wouldn't it be weird for me to hang out with you guys?

Damn, Seung Cheol, once again there goes your mouth. He wanted to hit himself so much right now nobody could even figure it out.

Weird? Why would it be? OH.- Beth stopped speaking. Should she laugh about it or should she not? Better the second to not make him feel weird.- Choi, don't tell me you thought we were dating? - she looked straight into his eyes to which he just scratched his nape- Wonwoo is like an older brother to me. I have one, but since I am far away from him it's Jeon the one I can rely on whenever I need to. We trust and appreciate each other a lot for sure, but the feelings are nothing but filial. -she explained in a calm voice while thinking about the deep connection she had with the 28 year old and how the man standing next to her understood their relationship in a wrong way.- To be fair, I am open to love, but I believe my lifestyle is not made for just anyone. I spend a lot of time at the office and that would be a big deal for me to have a healthy relationship if the other party doesn't understand it. - Why was she feeling nervous addressing this topic? She never did- What about you, Cheol?

Me?- what was he supposed to say? “Oh, Beth, I have had the biggest and greatest crush on you for years now but was taken aback and couldn't confess because my dumb self believed you were dating Wonwoo?”- Well, I guess my position regarding love is close to yours. Even my flatmate, Seungkwan is dating someone and I get to see them hang out together from time to time. But Kwan's job gives him more free time than we have.

Well, I guess our time will come when we least expect it. Let's cherish this time alone nonetheless- Beth shrugged her shoulders and, cautiously set a hand on Cheol's upper arm. She gave him chills.

Do you think everyone deserves to found love? -he asked, catching her by surprise.

Rather than finding love, I believe everyone deserves to be loved. Love is always there, we just need to open our hearts and have faith. There is always someone who will miss us when we are not around- Beth was now smiling thinking about her friends back home with whom she had never lost contact.

I wonder if anyone would miss me- that was supposed to be a inner though, but Cheol spoke out-

Me. I would miss you. Choi- Beth looked at him- You are the only person at the office I get along with. Besides I haven't once forgotten about how scared and worried you got that day I was really sick. It proved me you are an amazing guy.

Neither of them knows how it happened, but right before the door of the lift that had brought them all the way up to the 40th floor opened, they were both hugging.

It was the first time ever, but to Choi it was a dose of strength and, for Beth it had the capacity of making her feel safe.

They both needed it.

[jadeandroses]

Well because no one asked:

1. Currently, in order: Sonic, Peach, Tails, Mario. (It’s no wonder I smashed them all into a found family trope.) Past comfort characters include Elita-1, Phil Coulson, and Daisy Johnson.

2. I love the idea of matches, but never actually liked using them. I have anxiety. I keep thinking I’ll accidentally knock it onto my wooden floors. I’ll stick with my bbq lighter. Much safer.

3. No, just because I like having the fan on. Besides, it’s hot even at night where I live.

4. Pass. (Define cryptid)

5. Chocolate brown babey

6. Probably because I was bored. Next question.

7. I have thick curly hair. Scrunches simply do not work on me. I need the thickest, tightest chongo or nothing.

8. I have my yeti because I just finished a workout (trying to get back into it), but other than that, no water bottles. Food wrappers, though…

9. None. Iced tea.

10. I like to think I would, but I also think I’m just as likely to latch myself onto a rich person and then just needlessly waste their money. (Heck, that’s why I still have some income despite being unemployed for the past two months.)

11. I LOVED science club. I know that makes me sound pretentious but it’s the truth.

12. My little 100-yo lady adamantly refused to go to the doctor today and frustrated us all. But I’m dogsitting this weekend for my aunt and she brought me over to reintroduce myself to them, and the dog I thought would bite me actually let me pet him. So. Some good, some bad. The fact that it was good at all is really encouraging after having been in a funk for the last few weeks.

13. Two hours ago. Fried fish. I usually don’t like fried fish. For some reason I wanted it today, though

14. Yes (assuming it’s not accompanied by death dealing humidity. That’s the worst.)

15. Every single kid under the age of 15 in my congregation seems to consider me a big sister, and tbh I’m quite content with that. I never want any of my own, but I love them all. That’s enough for me.

16. My parents forced me to learn so I could take me and my brother to school. Not sure why, I crashed the car the week before spring break. (It was, both fortunately and unfortunately, 2020. We didn’t need a second car)

17. Nearsighted

18. A love beauty and planet shampoo. Don’t care what scent, just as long as it’s meant for curly hair. The cheapest, most nourishing conditioner I can get my hands on (right now I think it’s garnier). Herbal essences curling mousse. A gel if I need it to last longer than a day (I usually don’t. My scalp starts to stink if I don’t wash every day). I used to use a briogeo exfoliating shampoo every once in a while, but that got expensive. (I start a new job next week though, so maybe I’ll buy a celebratory tub)

19. Bet. Hand them over. I can’t promise they’ll be pretty, but I know a little bit of what I’m doing.

20. Neither. I call them all Coke. (But to actually answer the question, if I have to, I use soda.)

21. Clarissa, my stuffed doll. She was my mom’s and now she’s mine. My aunt has her twin, Belinda. Tbh I really need to send her to a doll hospital cause she’s all worn in the armpits, but I just keep putting it off (read: I’m terrified of something happening to her cause I’ve had her since I was a baby and I don’t wanna lose her)

22. You know the glass half full/half empty test? My answer to that question depends on the glass’s state before it got to where it is now. Was it full and then poured out? It’s now half empty. Was it empty and then water was poured in it? It’s now half full.

In other words, I’m realistic. Dedicated. Sarcastic. Patient. Brutally honest. Self-sabotaging. Perceived as smart even though I’m probably the dumbest person in any given room. I like to believe the best of people, but don’t really trust them. A mess in social situations.

23. I’m from a climate that doesn’t get chilly weather. For reference, in 2010 I went to New York, and while they were suffering in a 70 degree F heatwave, I was complaining that I was cold in the shade. I appreciate it more nowadays because it’s so hot all the time down here.

24. Watching the stars, maybe. I’ll make you tea if you want it and snuggle you in blankets. Maybe we can talk about our realities.

25. Lotion, easily. Half my family and a lot of people I know are allergic to scents. I think I’d like to get into perfume, but not now.

26. What I’d do if everything in my life suddenly went horribly wrong. The definition of horribly wrong varies depending on how I’m feeling that day.

27. Last night, about six. It varies from 5-8 on a good night. During the month of August, though, it always goes down to 3-4. Not sure why. Maybe school trauma? Idk

28. Physically, not unless I’m sick. Emotionally? All the time. Supposedly it’s more polite that way.

29. BOILING. I make some concessions so that my family can have hot water when they shower, but put me in a hotel and I’m cranking that all the way up.

30. The aforementioned yeti. I just ran out of water. I should probably get more.

31. Anything with a very strong beat. When I’m stressed, I like to imagine it’s my heartbeat.

32. No, but I always use the teal colored one. (My family can’t tell the difference between towels if they’re all the same color.)

33. Anytime I have thirty minutes to wander the mall before I have to go to work. That’s an adventure to me.

34. A lot. But I’ll stick to what’s running through my brain right now:

35. Central standard, otherwise known as Chicago. I’m pretty far away from Chicago.

36. Once, and then I immediately made a sideblog with that url. My tag “meet jade” was originally “meet astra”. I like the name Astra, which is why it’s my Ao3, but I’ve always been known as Jade online.

37. For her privacy, I call her Jaz. She does ballet. I love her.

38. I don’t know a whole lot of soap bars? Right now I’m using the dove cucumber scented one. It’s nice.

39. I use Vaseline more often than anything else. I own an Estée Lauder lip balm that I bought when I was first starting to work, and a tower 28 lip balm that I bought because I needed it for a Sephora birthday gift. I like them both, but they were kinda pricey (not so much the tower 28 tho), so I use them sparingly.

40. Because my little old lady was being defiant, her daughter bought me a slice of chocolate cheesecake for putting up with her. It was delicious. I’ve had stomach cramps ever since I finished it. (It was monster size though, so that was probably on me.)

41. Again, I don’t. There is no amount of cream or sugar in the world that will make coffee palatable for me.

42. Instagram, pokemon go, notability (my word processor)

43. I can handle a mild spice, but nothing crazy. I usually avoid it.

44. Pass. (I still might actually kill him, so don’t ask.)

45. I played monster hunter and ran errands. I was supposed to arrange my tournament bracket. Whoops.

46. Pass. (Again, don’t ask.)

47. Asking my little old lady’s daughter if her doctor did telemedicine. I never want to experience that again.

48. I’m a bit of a prude, so I had my first drink at the ripe old age of 21. It was a chocolate martini. I hated it. I much prefer daiquiris.

49. I can get them to bounce once, and that’s it.

50. You can. I prefer it sparingly, or sent to me, but honestly, at this point it’s just nice to be included.

[teashopwritingzz]

Hello! I hope you're doing well. May I request general fluff headcanons with Octavinelle, Trey and Riddle? Dkdkdk Sorry, some asshole called my friends a slur and I'm mad and require fluff-

I hope your friends are doing okay! It really sucks when some jerk will be... A jerk to you, huh? I hope these fluffy headcanons will help!

Also sorry if I only added the Octo trio for these headcanons, I couldn’t really think of much for poor Riddle and Trey :,(

Here’s your order! Three cups of tea; One True Blueberry Tea, one Honeysuckle Peach Tea, and one Honeysuckle Iced Tea! Enjoy~!

¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º° °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸

Azul Ashengrotto

~ He may act suave, but on the inside, he’s too flustered for his own good when it comes to affection. Even kissing you on the hand or cheek is enough to make his face flush a shade of pink. Whether you want to tease him or not about this is up to you~

~ While others pay full amount at the Mostro Lounge, you get a lover’s discount! Being Azul’s significant other comes with may perks and this just happens to be one of them! Azul will ignore his other customers complaints with a smile as he slides a glass of sparkling blue drink, even decorated with a vibrant flower, how nice of him!

~ Speaking of the Lounge, this boy is definitely overworked and very very exhausted whenever he’s on break. He’d greatly appreciate it if you visited his office to give him some much needed hugs and kisses, away from the customers and the twins prying eyes.

~ And be sure to handle him with care as well! He’s quite insecure even if he doesn’t show it much and moments where he’ll be so soft and needy for your affection are quite rare. Don’t push him away if he goes for a hug, okay?

Jade Leech 

~ Darn guy here is so gentlemanly and so smooth, have mercy on your heart if you get flustered easily-

~ If you’re ever tired from a long day of school, he’ll personally whip up a nice cup of herbal tea for you and let you rant about your exhaustion. I’m sure those students were troublesome, go ahead and be upset all you want, he’s all ears!

~ Kisses on the hand are quite common with him. Both as a form of greeting and a sign of affection. He only does it to you and if anyone else will try to do it to you, he’ll place his hand on their shoulder and give them a smile that definitely doesn’t meet his eyes.

~ Sometimes he’ll be proud of his latest terrarium and will happily show it off to you, pointing out all the different little plants and decorations he added to the funky little terrarium. Even if you don’t know much about plants, he’ll still show it to you like a happy little kid.

Floyd Leech

~ And here we thought Jade was merciless, we have the infamous Floyd with his breath-taking squeezes and thrilling chases.

~ If he sees you across the hall or classroom, he’ll shout for you while waving his arm about. It causes some attention from the others, but he doesn’t care because once he’s got your attention, he’s barreling towards you, pushing and practically throwing other students out of the way to get to you.

~ Not the best at giving you comfort. If he sees how upset and sad you are, he’ll assume that someone hurt your feelings and you’ll have to stop him before he tries to not-so-gracefully hunt down the bully. If schoolwork or something like that is upsetting you, he won’t really know what to do and he’ll most likely suggest to squeeze or cuddle those feelings away.

~ There’s never a dull moment with this eel around! Sometimes he’ll surprise you with a hug behind the back followed by a bunch ch of kisses on your face. And sometimes, he’ll drag you into troubles like skipping class or terrorizing other students by parading around with you on his back or shoulders. Relaxation days? That doesn’t exist with Floyd around.

¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º° °º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸

[niuniente]

I am a professional Bartender as in I've been to school for it and just wanted to ask. What is every characters favorite drink do you think? Alcohol or not! Also what is yours? Again does not have to contain booze. I may be around alcohol every day but my favourite drink is the peach iced tea I make every summer when the fruit is ripe.

Every characters' fave drink? Ehm, do you mean like DHD's characters, or FUZZY's, or Demon Sanctuary's`? Or really all of them? Because DHD has got at this very moment 23 named characters + unnamed side characters like Rodin's henchman and Vanessa's grand father; FUZZY has got 12 named characters; Demon Sanctuary has got also 12 characters.

I SUSPECT you mean DHD as it's my most popular so far and has been doing better than FUZZY did in the beginning (so I have high hopes that it keeps entertaining people for long). Let me know if I guesses wrong.

Before we go forward, I don't really have much fave drinks. I'm more of an ice-cream and dessert person. But I do love QOO juice. I always drink it a lot when I travel in Japan. The Apple QOO is the best! I know I'd love yuzu-flavored juices if they only had them here. Yuzu stuff is my fave almost in any form.

EDIT: ANON I FORGOT! I do have a fave alcohol drink but I don’t know if it’s available anymore as I had these when I was a lot younger. It was called something like Fruit Bomb, and I think it was that specific bar’s own drink.

I wanted to make that drink at home so I followed once what the bar tender put in it. It had canned peaches, vanilla ice-cream, I think passion fruit grenadine, raspberry grenadine, orange juice, and passion fruit Vodka. Everything goes into a blender and this alcohol-fruit milk shake comes out.

I haven't heard yet what the characters drink. I don't decide these things but the characters tell me them, so this list can change.

We've seen Alrick having whiskey so perhaps that's his thing? I think Rena doesn't drink alcohol (perhaps for the calories?) but drinks tea instead. Dio feels like a good beer type of a guy but I don't know yet. Joon most likely digest anything that has alcohol in it lol. He's not picky. Miranda probably fancies colorful drinks from tall glasses. Lou-Lou seems to be very down to earth and I think she can't really handle alcohol that well (gets tipsy too easily). Perhaps she goes for more herbal things in drinks, and for smoothies? I think when she drinks, she wants sweet drinks, like ice-cream based ones. Felina probably prefers yuzu-flavored stuff and citrus flavored drinks. Cat seems to be a coffee person, with very creamy coffees. Perhaps they enjoy nice coffees at home, too, with Hagon?

I think that's the characters so far who will be seeing the most.

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal -Ch. 13

Chapter Summary: Old memories come back to you. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3k

Warnings: angsty internal thoughts, no Bucky this chapter.  

A/N: Here it is. I’m sorry I ended up not reblogging all the comments on last chapter before I post this one, but I’ve read and cherish them all, please don’t doubt that. Thank you, incredible Suz, @bucky-the-thigh-slayer you’re a Queen around here. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated.

Tag list for this story is closed.  

You bet that if you told anyone about the scene playing out in your apartment right now, people would scoff their asses off at your face: Saturday afternoon, your living room, the Leader of the Avengers Tech Team, the Director of SHIELD – probably the most powerful organization in the world- and one of the scariest, if not the scariest spy to ever walk on earth. All three of you sitting on your carpet, barefeet, wearing tops and tiny shorts due the heat brought by the bright sun slipping through your windows. A big bowl of popcorn in the center and innumerous chocolate bars everywhere. 

Those afternoons with the three of you are a rare event. First, you had your relationship with Eddie to blame, but now it’s mainly due to your work schedules that almost never are in sync, but whenever there’s an opportunity, there you are.

Your phone's message alerts ringing together bursts into the conversation and the three of you grab your devices simultaneously. You were dreading to see what it was, sure it was something from work, but a huge smile widens in your lips at what you see on your screen.

“Jesus…” Nat says, while, laughing, you three turn the screens to one another, confirming you have received the same message. “Bucky’s a lost cause with that cat. That’s the millionth picture I received of her this week. And she’s always doing something extremely exciting like… sleeping.” She rolls her eyes.

“But we have to admit that little asshole is kinda cute,” Sharon comments looking back at her screen and the picture of the, indeed, sleeping cat.

“She is, right?” You agree, with a huge smile on your face. You and Alpine may have had a somewhat rough start, but you can’t help but admit she’s an adorable little jerk who’s just very protective of her human.

“By the way,” Natasha smirks at you, putting her phone back on her pocket, “I had no idea that was what he meant when he said he would romance the shit out of you.”

“It suits perfectly, though,” Sharon comments, shaking her head and laughing with her.

“It does. Shame on me, I should’ve known better.” Nat agrees.  

“He said that?” You ask with peaked interest you try to disguise in the quietness of your tone while you bite the corner of your lips.

The curiosity in the information doesn’t go unnoticed by them, who just snicker at each other. You decide to ignore that.

“The dude is smitten, Y/N, wake the fuck up.” Natasha not so gently throws a popcorn right on your face.

“Hey,” you whine.

“And so is she, giving that little dreamy look on her face. Wake the fuck up indeed.” Sharon sides with Nat with a huff.

“I’ve created two monsters…” Nat comments like you weren’t even in the room, referring to the fact she is the one who brought you two together.

“It’s not like that…” You barge in their little interaction, catching their attention, before folding your legs up and holding your knees, “I mean… yeah, of course… I can’t help having feelings for Bucky, I mean… he’s…” you pause, searching for the right words to describe him, “He’s Bucky.” You shrug… a small smile curling your lips, “He’s Bucky…” you repeat with a sigh while your gaze wanders away…

It’s just you don’t really need anything else to justify why it’s so inevitable to grow feelings for him and your friends catch on to what you mean, because when you look back at them, they both have stupid and dreamily little looks at you… ones that don’t fit to a couple of spies. 

You clear your throat, letting your initial line of thoughts come back to you, “But it’s not that simple… There’s…’ you falter.

“There’s what?” Nat insists, in a kind way.

But “Who” was the more proper pronoun.

“Eddie…” You whisper.

“Argh…” Sharon groans, tilting her face to her side before, looking back at you, “What about Eddie?”

It was just yesterday that you had your little “encounter” with Bucky. You know it was no coincidence he was there, the little shit must’ve tracked you down… but you couldn’t make yourself care about that when it was so amazing… incredible… Not only the fact that he went down on you in such a shameless way and gave you a mind-blowing orgasm, like he always does. It was also the way he spoke to you…his attitude… not really imposing himself… encouraging you to have fun with your friends… no sign of jealousy. It made you feel special and free and… loved. Really loved for who you are and not for who you make yourself to be to please and that is a tremendously powerful feeling.

Still… you have mixed feelings about it all and Eddie is the reason. Being there with him felt familiar and comfortable, but, in some way different… better than before. It makes you think that he really is engaged into finding not just a way back to you, but also a way to make your relationship work and it certainly weighs over your heart.

You tell your friends all of that.

“Did Eddie notice anything?” Nat asks, reaching over for some popcorn.

“I don’t know,” you answer, “He wasn’t at the table when I returned, but he came back shortly, my friends were still talking about it, but we changed to subject once we saw him. The girls didn’t comment anything again, and he acted normal… I guess he didn’t.” You shrug, starting to bite on your nails.

There’s an annoying little feeling rising in you since the night before and, thinking over it, you recognize it as guilt. Guilt for doing that with Bucky while Eddie was there in Club, guilt for not being bothered by Bucky’s presence, while, at least initially, you were bothered by Eddie’s, guilty for enjoying that Bucky was the one who actively made a move when Eddie didn’t, for missing him more than you missed Eddie, for feeling more positively about his change of mind than Eddie’s, for wanting Bucky more…

Guilt because you know you’re falling for him. For Bucky. And there’s little you can do to stop it.

“What is it?” Sharon asks, tightening her lips and nodding at where you’re chewing your nails.

You promptly stop, bringing your hands to around your knees again, “I guess I wasn’t expecting either of them there.” You decide not to share your most recent thoughts with them.

“You know why both of them were there. It was definitely not a coincidence.” Nat reminds you.

“I know… but it's ok, they were polite...” You brush it off but add, quickly, fighting back a smile at the memories that flashes in your mind, “In their own way.”

“Polite? Even when Bucky had his face up your pussy?” Sharon teases, not letting that one go, and making you give in and let out a laugh while you hide your face with your hands for a moment.

“I was pretty excited to find out he was there, actually,” you admit and their faces light up, which you assume is prompted by your own expression. “It was a thrilling sensation… I can’t quite explain.”

“He really is in love with you…Bucky…” Nat tightens her lips and tilts her head.

You sigh, looking back at her, “I know…” You admit.

They both keep waiting for you to say something else but you don’t know what you could say. No… as a matter of fact, you do. You’re just not ready to put your thoughts out in the world. At first, you had your doubts if what Bucky was feeling was really that deep… but now… something has changed. You believe him. You really do. And you know you’re falling for him, too, but…

Eddie was the one you wanted for so long… you’ve made so many plans with him… Long term plans. You used to see yourself growing old with him and that’s an image that still somehow haunts your feelings. And now… the fact that guilt surrounds the feelings arising for Bucky inside you makes you feel like a cheater. You didn’t feel that when it was just sex, but now you do. And you’re damn scared.

What if you surrender to your feelings now and go to Bucky and then comes a day you’ll realize that you were wrong and Eddie will still be the one you really want? You wanted him for so long… can that really have changed? How can one let go of that feeling, that certainty of being right for each other, without being afraid of doing the wrong thing? And if that happens, if you do the wrong thing now, you will eventually hurt Bucky and that’s definitely the last thing you want.

That’s fucked up and you know it. But it’s what you’re feeling.

You keep it to yourself, though.  

~~~

It’s a few hours after the girls left your place, you take a refreshing and long bath and are about to put on a movie to relax a bit more for the rest of the evening. Maybe that way you can put your thoughts and feelings in order.

That duality of emotions is crushing your mind. You wanted some time alone and you had that… now, you can’t help the feeling that you need to come to a decision, a conclusion of some sort, you just can’t keep pushing it further. For better or for worse. Or you will lose your mind soon.

A comfort movie is in order for all the thinking you need to do, so you set “The Prisoner of Azkaban” on your TV before you head to the kitchen. You’re still pretty full of all the junk food the three of you made a feast of the whole afternoon, so you decide to prepare just an old recipe of peach iced tea your mom has taught you. Perfect for the hot weather, too.

You’ve just added the ice in the jar when your intercom rings. You frown wondering who could that be and check your phone for any missed calls or messages, finding none before answering the intercom.

“Yeah? Oh… no, yeah, sure, come up.” You press the button to let him in. Your heart beats just slightly faster, wondering what could he possibly be doing there.

“Hi,” he greets, once you open the door after he pressed the ringer.

“Hi,” you answer, and without even thinking, just keep staring at him, blocking his way into your apartment while he stands at your door, holding a big box in his hands.

“Can I come in?” He asks, when you say nothing else.  

“Oh, yeah, of course, sorry.” You step aside, allowing Eddie to walk into your living room with a tight smile on his lips.  

“Please,” you gesture towards your sofa and he nods, walking with you over there, “I was about to pour me some iced tea, would you like some?” You offer, tentativeness still present in your tone, while the big box secured in his hands grasps your attention for a second.   

“Your mom’s recipe?” He asks, his whole face lightening up as he takes his seat.

You chuckle and nod.

“Oh, hell yeah, then.”

You take just a little longer than you actually need to fix the tea for the two of you in the kitchen. For some reason, his presence, after the night before, what you did with Bucky and after you coming to terms that you are, indeed, growing feelings for the other guy… it just unsettles you.

After taking a deep breath or two, you come back to the living room. Some small conversation ensues while you take a seat by his side and you two drink from the tea you’ve just prepared.

“Ahm…What’s that?” At some point you give in to the curiosity and nod towards the box now on your center table.

He smiles, before placing his cup on your table and taking the box in his hands. He shifts on the sofa, making room for placing it on one of the cushions between the two of you. “I was taking a look at it at home earlier, it just… I couldn’t help myself… and decided to come by to show you.”

When he opens the lid, placing it aside, you take in the contents, which makes your heart beat a bit funny at the surprise. You recognize pictures of the two of you, letters, a few souvenirs… All of them represent a memory of your relationship.   

“Oh…” you say. You know all that stuff had been stashed in some place, but you never knew he had taken them with him once he moved out.

“Yeah…” Eddie brushes the back of his neck, peering at you from beneath his lashes, “I guess I really wasn’t that confident about my decision when I left…” he shrugs, looking down at the box again, “I just couldn’t leave it behind.”

You give him a tightened and brief smile, before placing your teacup on the table and starting to fumble through the items inside the box. You let out a breathy laugh when you find a picture of the day you two have met… he had founded a study group on advanced software creating techniques and you were the only one to show up.

“Oh my God…” you laugh.

“Yeah… what a couple of nerds,” Eddie chuckles, looking at the picture.

He helps you through the shuffling when you go through some more pictures from college, his family, your family… the day you two closed the deal to buy the apartment… the letter you received when you were both accepted in the Avengers tech team…

You feel the tears gathering in your eyes before they start silently rolling down your cheeks… It’s a weird sensation, it’s like meeting with an old part of yourself, an old friend. One that has never really left, but you almost don’t recognize anymore… leading to a nostalgic and longing feeling.

They’re all good memories stashed on that box… of course… you guess no one is really keen to proposedly keep a souvenir from the bad ones… but that’s not on what your focus lays right now.  Your attention is caught by a particular thing from the box. A small gasp escapes your lungs at the sight.

You look up at Eddie, whose eyes have been intensely trained on you, before you grab the object in your hands.

It’s a scrapbook you two have made through college years. While you silently and carefully go through the pages your life passes in front of your eyes. Movie and concert tickets… more pictures… a few drawings… software ideas you had together… little notes you’ve written to each other… and then, on the very last couple of pages, there they are.

You remember them. The day you two decided to write a letter to each other, telling how you wanted your future to be.

You roam your fingers through the frayed papers… you don’t have to read them again to know what’s there. You remember. Without knowing, in the end you two had written the exact same thing in both letters… among other small stuff, you two wrote you wanted a kick ass job, live in the city in an apartment of your own… and stay together forever.

Your watery gaze follows when Eddie slides down to the floor and kneels before you, taking your hands in his, “I meant every word then and I still do,” he says, softly, staring deeply into your eyes, “I can’t see my future without you… I just can’t.” He shakes his head, before it drops.

You see how his lips twist before he looks up at you again, with a saddened look on his face, “I know how that guy makes you feel…”

Your body freezes just as your heart does and you feel the precise moment when it splits in two. That heavy sensation comes back to your chest when the image of Bucky pops into your mind and suddenly there are two lives running before your eyes. One there, with Eddie, with everything you've ever dreamed of… the other running straight into Bucky's arms and leaving all of that behind.

And you know there's only one right for you.

You're brought back to reality by the sound of Eddie's voice.

 “I- I know about what happened last night, I, ahm, I’ve heard the girls…” he stammers but holds his hold on your hands when you shift on your seat and he senses your discomfort. “No… it’s ok. “I know it’s new… it’s exciting…” he continues, nodding and hastily licking his lips, “And you deserve to explore that. You do… it’s ok.” He puts on a small smile, “But I want you to know that I’m here. I’m waiting for you. I’m waiting for us… for our future. No matter how long it takes. How much fun you need to have with that guy before you realize what I already know.” He smiles wider, “Because I know you and I are it. We’ve always been it.”

You’re frowning while looking down at him. His words making their way into your senses.  

You free one hand of his secured hold to reach over and cup his smiling face.

He leans into your touch.

You make a decision. 

[a-detraque-barista]

Zombie Killer

Yandere Zombie Namjoon x Reader

Genre: yandere, gore, zombie, character deaths (but not graphic yet)

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: i love this man and i'm so glad i finally finished something with him in it. i hope this wasn't too rushed because i did write the majority of it back in 2019 but i hope you all enjoy nonetheless <3

It's been two years since the zombie apocalypse began. You've been on your own for exactly one year, seven months, and forty-nine days now. Wandering the world as you tried to find a safe haven that wasn't infected with undead cannibals. You don't hide behind doors very often anymore, you've learned it only makes you want to stay inside and rot while trembling in fear. You hated the way fear makes you so vulnerable. Adapting to the outside world was your only option before going insane. Carrying multiple weapons with you made you able to survive much longer than hiding in buildings.

People call you crazy and barbaric because you chose to survive by any means necessary. That's what your best friend had told you before getting bitten. And so, your survival of the fittest instinct kicked in once you shot your best friend in the face. Twice. Ever since then you've been wandering the streets of different cities. If you see a group of zombies then you stay clear. You were a badass zombie killing machine, but you knew when to pick your fights.

You had just sneaked off the ship you stowed away on for the past week. Immediately, you identified the native language here as Korean. Before the outbreak happened you had tried to learn the Korean language. You had only gotten so far in the lessons but you can still make sentences.

Sticking to the shadows you kept your guard up just in case anything tried to attack you. Overall, these streets were deserted and you didn't see or hear any sign of life or even the undead. You spotted a convenience store with the glass of the sliding doors broken. You had to at least look for food, so you headed inside after checking with your shotgun was loaded. You only had two more shells left so you needed to get rid of it now that its weight was holding you back. Stepping silently and diligently, you made your way to the dry food section. The shelves were almost completely bare. There were ramyeon packs left which you quickly put in your bag. You also found chips in another one of the aisles on the floor. You didn't bother looking for water, already knowing that it was long gone. What you did look for was tea. Not everyone knows that it's the second-best thing to drink when there's no water. And as you expected, there were tons of different flavored teas. Grabbing the peach, strawberry, green, and watermelon you made your way out of the store to see a group of masked people walking by.

They spotted you almost immediately as you froze and waited to see what they would do. Your thick black mask covered your face as much as theirs but they had hoods and hats covering their foreheads. No matter if you were a zombie or not most people tried to kill you. You had no idea why maybe it was just their need to be the last and the strongest kicking in.

Then all of a sudden there were five guns pointed at your head. See? All you did was stand there and apparently that's a threat. Pointing your gun at them would only make things worse given that you're outnumbered so you ran. Turning the corner once their guns began to fire, you ended up sprinting through the alleys. Always making sure you turned a corner every chance you got so you couldn't get shot.

You stopped to take a breath as you crouched down while panting. You had to leave your motorcycle behind so it had been a while since you’ve run that far. Hearing a crash further down the alley, you held your shotgun up trying to see what had made the sound. Nothing moved for a while so you slowly backed away and turned around quickly to run but all you found was one of the masked men from earlier.

“We need to go,” you spoke to the man quietly before another crash sounded from behind you. Trying to run past the man, he stopped you and pushed you back toward the alley. Holding his gun aimed at your head.

“Drop it,” you dropped your shotgun. “Walk,” he hissed and you turned back around to see a pair of ivory eyes staring at you.

How did you not notice them before? They stood out so vividly against the dark shadows of the alley. No doubt a zombie, but it wasn’t attacking. You felt the gun in the middle of your back push you towards the flesh-eating monster in front of you. In the blink of an eye, the ivory irises were no longer in front of you and the man behind you was screaming before having his jaw detached from his skull.

This zombie was like no other, it was quick, intelligent, and strong. Hearing the other men approaching, the zombie took your hand into its own and hurried deeper into the alley. Its skin was ice and calloused and bloody from tearing the man’s jaw out. It didn’t necessarily bother you as you were no stranger to blood now. But why was this zombie saving you? It’s not like you could ask, you didn’t know if it still understood speech. It never lets go of your hand until it finally leads you to an abandoned building hidden in plain sight. Leading you to the top floor, you saw a mattress on the ground with a pillow and blanket, a tv, empty plates, a mini-fridge, and even a microwave. It really was intelligent.

It took your arm to have you sit on the mattress as you got a better look at its face. It was...handsome. Even with grayish skin and a few holes. He was stunning. He chuckled after noticing your shell-shocked gaze at his appearance. You’ve never heard a zombie fucking chuckle.

He walked away to the mini-fridge and came back with a bottle of water for you. Now you really had some questions, but you didn’t want to seem rude about asking if he understood what you were saying.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” he smiled as he opened the water for you since you took too long. Pushing the bottle closer to you making you accept the water and taking a sip. “You probably haven’t had any water in while. Drink up.”

So you did. You chugged the whole bottle in under a minute as he watched you do so fondly. “What are you?” Okay, so maybe that was a little straightforward and harsh but you couldn’t help but wonder.

“A zombie, obviously. You probably mean why haven’t I eaten you. I can’t really answer that because I don’t know myself. It’s always been this way, ever since I got bitten I mean,” he explained as he stood up and made his way over to the tv to turn it on. “And if you’re wondering why I saved you, it’s because I know those guys can be dicks. They’ve been trying to kill me for months. Ever since they started that little murder group.”

“How did you know I needed help? Were you just passing through that alley?” you questioned while watching him sit back down next to you.

“I’ve been following you this whole time. I’m surprised you didn’t notice. I saw you get off the boat and followed you since then,” he explained like it was no big deal. “But it was a good thing I was there when I was. Otherwise, you’d probably be dead, or turned into a zombie.”

He was right. If it weren’t for him, you would either be eaten or left dead on the ground. Was that really an excuse for stalking you this whole time though?

“There’s no need to overthink it, just get some rest.”

Why was he so damn convincing? He was really nice though. “What’s your name?” you couldn’t stop the question from leaving your mouth in time.

“Namjoon. What’s yours?”

“Y/n.”

“What a wonderful name,” his smile caused his dimples to show making you look at the television.

The soft lull of the show made you tired and you could feel your eyelids getting heavier. Namjoon took note of it but said nothing as he wanted you to completely fall asleep. Seeing your head bob a few times he helped lay you down and covered you with the blanket. He set your bag on the floor along with all of your weapons from off your body.

“Sweet dreams, my little zombie killer,” Namjoon whispered as his attention turned back to the show on the screen.

You had woken up to the sound of a thud from outside of the door. You recognized the growling and screeching of a goddamn zombie. Patting your body down, you couldn’t feel any weapons. You looked around to find them next to you on the floor. You quickly picked up your pistol and stood by the door. Waiting for it to come through, once the door opened you shot it. The body fell to the floor only for you to realize it was Namjoon. The actual zombie laid torn apart on the floor behind him. There was no guarantee Namjoon would survive that but usually, you have to shoot them twice.

He didn't move for a while so you crouched down and poked his shoulder. You heard him groan before he propped himself up with his arms. His tainted, dark blood was pooling on the ground under him. He sat back on his heels and took a deep breath.

"Are-are you okay, Namjoon?" you stuttered as you placed your hand on his shoulder.

The next moment you were on your back with him laying on you. You froze, not knowing what he would do. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, "My name sounds nice when you say it."

You let a shaky breath you were holding before resting your free hand on his back. Feeling the blood seeping through your clothes, you tapped him to have him lift his head. Sure enough, your whole stomach was now covered in his almost black blood.

Namjoon lifted your shirt over your head and stood up to toss it into the corner. You quickly cross your arms over your chest to hide your embarrassing worn-out bra but Namjoon tried his best to pretend like he didn’t see anything. Helping you to stand, he brought you over to a large bucket of water and took a rag from it. He was on his knees as he wiped away all of his blood from your skin. He looked up to your cheeks that were a dark red hue and grinned.

“I didn’t expect you to shoot me in the head,” he was only teasing but he wanted to see your reaction.

“Sorry,” you mumbled and you allowed him to clean your stomach off longer than necessary.

“What was that?” Namjoon was having fun giving you a hard time while he finished cleaning up the blood before he gently wiped his face so he wouldn’t tear his dead skin, then he went to get you a clean shirt from the bag he had in the corner.

“You heard what I said,” you grumbled as you snatched the shirt away from him.

You weren’t really good at interacting with people. Through the whole zombie apocalypse thing, you had kind of thrown all of your social skills out the window. You didn’t mean to come off as rude to the one person helping you, but you couldn’t help but get flustered. It’s not like you were going to stay here for long anyway. You needed to get back on the road by tomorrow.

You then began to wonder how long he's been here. But you were also too afraid to ask. That would be being nosy right? You have no idea what he's been through and it might set him off, so you kept your thoughts to yourself.

You didn't have time to think about the handsome zombie in front of you. You needed to think about where to go next. Speaking of which, Namjoon had been watching your expressions, wondering what you were thinking about.

His partly deteriorated brain began to wander with questions about you. How long have you been alone? Where were you from? He knew you spoke English but that was no indicator of where you were from. Just look at him, he knew a few languages himself so he couldn’t exactly pinpoint where you would be from. Where were you going next? What were you looking for? Who were you looking for? Could it be a lover of yours?

He stopped. Why would he care if you had a significant other? He didn't. Right? Cause it doesn’t matter.

"So, I suppose I should get going," you walked over to your pile of weapons before strapping them and tucking them in their designated places. Since you had a little time to think now, it was decided that you should leave as soon as possible. Just thinking of spending another night in the same four walls terrified you.

“What if the group of masked killers is still around? You’ll need someone to show you the back routes,” Namjoon spoke quickly. He couldn’t understand why he needed to spend more time with you, but he just knew he feared you leaving him. Namjoon did his part in making sure you got somewhere safe off of the boat yesterday. He told himself he would have nothing else to do with you after that, humans never last long anymore.

“I mean...if you want to,” you weren’t going to force someone to venture with you out in the world during the apocalypse. Then again, he was a zombie and couldn’t be killed easily. He could prove to be useful on your trip for whatever distance he’s willing to go. It doesn’t seem like there’s much happening in this abandoned room of his.

All Namjoon did was nod and walk across the room to pack a bag. He decided that there was no way in hell he was going to let you wander around on your own. He doesn’t care how well you can take care of yourself. You needed protecting and that was exactly what he was going to do. He was able to take a shotgun to the head, he will risk his undead life for you.

Namjoon realized where his thoughts were going. Maybe this whole being undead thing was truly affecting his decision-making. He just met you yesterday and he’s willing to die for you? However, all those thoughts disappeared once he turned around and his eyes were set on you once again. As they always should be.

He will keep you safe.

Walking out of the building that Namjoon had been living in for over a year was easier than he thought would be. He heard the peaceful silence of the streets while walking beside you and realized he never took the time to breathe. Figuratively of course. Namjoon wasn’t used to the quiet as he would normally be chased or even in his room he would always have the television on as background noise. Something he felt was needed so he wouldn’t lose his sanity. He began to prefer the quiet more than a constant noise.

You did prefer the quiet, most of the time. There were times where you absolutely hated it. Hated it enough to want to take your knives and dig them into your eardrums so you would go deaf. That type of quiet was the type to have your ears ringing and your breathing sound like you were panting. Even making your heartbeat pound in your ears to attempt to drown out the unbearable silence.

The quiet you loved was broken when a zombie tripped over something metal. Without hesitating, you pulled out your gun and shot it in the head. Your aim has become exceptional since this all started. You slowly approached it and shot it in the head again. You’ve learned to make sure they’re done for by shooting them twice before they could recover.

Namjoon stood there, fascinated by how quickly you reacted. He barely had enough time to notice the zombie before you shot it. You were practically a zombie killing machine. But how many times have you had to fight off these flesh-eating corpses by yourself? God, all he wanted to do was to take all the bad from your life and leave only the good. He had been lonely and at first, scared. He could only imagine how you felt at the beginning of all of this and learning to survive through it. He truly wanted to help you. And he will.

✄ ✄ ✄

It took about an hour and a half to weave through the alleys and side streets to avoid the group that was hunting for any walking being that was and wasn’t minding their own business. Finally, the two of you were out of the city and you found an SUV in acceptable condition. You hot-wired it and waited until Namjoon climbed in to start driving down the deserted country road.

The absence of zombies had made it easy for you and Namjoon to get away. Somehow, one of the stations on the radio was working so that's what you opted to listen to for now. It was a song that sounded familiar but you couldn't remember where you had heard it. Namjoon had suddenly asked a question that caught you a little off guard.

"Do you like these guys?" his voice was even for the most part but it seemed he wanted a certain answer.

"I'm not sure who this is exactly. The song sounds familiar though," hopefully you gave the right response. If there was a way to trigger something in him to make him turn completely into a cannibalistic undead monster, you didn't want to find it.

“They’re - sorry, they were called BTS. Making their way to the top of the world,” you could hear the sadness in Namjoon’s voice that was no doubt about to crack from the strong emotion he was feeling.

“You were a part of that group, weren’t you?” you asked quietly as you kept your eyes on the road, occasionally glancing behind you in the review mirror.

Namjoon let out a small, saddened chuckle as he nodded, “Yeah, I was.”

You remembered watching them answer questions before one of the award ceremonies that your mother always insisted on watching. They seemed so close and genuinely nice even as they were asked dumb, demeaning inquiries.

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing you could say.

“It’s okay, I know that the three who were able to escape are out there somewhere,” he sniffled, how that worked, you didn’t really know but ignored it as his words sunk in.

“May...I ask what happened?” hopefully you wouldn’t regret your words.

He let out a humorless laugh once again, “Long story short, we walked right into the lion’s den without knowing it. It was when the outbreak first began. Couple dozen of ‘em, easily, surrounded us, and while the three were able to escape...the other four of us weren’t so lucky.” He took a deep breath that wasn’t able to allow him the same stabilizing feeling as it once did, before continuing, “I was the only one who was still able to function as a normal human. Even though my heart was no longer beating and my lungs were longer deflating and inflating. The rest were just like the other mindless cannibals looking to eat people.”

You could see that he had tears in his fog-like eyes. Suddenly, you had a thought, “What if we went looking for the other three of your friends?”

The idea was bizarre even to you, but you won’t take it back. If there were more people out there, why wouldn’t you try to find them? You had no problem with joining other people, as long as they had no means of harming you or your newfound friend. Even if y

“You would do that? For us?”

“...Yes. Just tell me what kind of places they would go, and I’ll help you get there. To be with your friends once again,” you couldn’t save your family and friends but maybe you can help save his.

[whaleofatjme1920]

Aaaaa this is a fic request, where kondraki is with an s/o where they are a normal civilian and is completely oblivious to whatever is going on, until she got curious and snooped around, found out about the foundation and confronted kondraki about it, now he has too make her forget and give her anesthetics and it might lead to some really good angst >:)

‘With All My Love, Kondraki.’

[Dr. Kondraki X F!Reader]

[Warnings: language, angst]

[AN: it's 4.1K words. lots of love and the pacing is weird]

When you first met Benjamin Kondraki, you had never been so confused on how a peach so sweet could be related to a lemon so sour.

“Miss Reader, Miss Reader!” The buzzling little boy at the dining room table began to prod. He jumps excitedly, almost spilling his orange juice as one of his mothers packs her bag up, getting ready for her long work day. She continues to move, currently looking for things she may need when her front door opens, revealing a woman dressed appropriately for the warm summer day.

“Hi Mrs. Wei,” you greet, kicking your shoes off at the door, and placing the keys back into your bag. You notice she’s searching - probably for her car keys.

The black haired woman looks up from her current task and beams. “Reader! I’m so glad you could make it. Thank you so much for coming on such short notice,” she says as she briefly waves at you. “Nia originally had the day off but something went wrong at the lab and she has to go in, and I have to be at the salon today-”

You smile and wave her off, reaching over on the sofa for her car keys. You cross the distance and hold the keys out to her. “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t miss spending time with this special little guy for the world,” you chuckle, looking over to the happy little boy as he scarfs up his breakfast. Looks like today was waffles.

Mrs. Wei takes her keys and heads over to her son, pressing her lips to the crown of his head. “You be good for Miss Reader, okay?” She reminds him with a small smile as he happily gazes up at her. “Again, thank you for coming on short notice.”

You wave her off with a small chuckle. “It’s nothing. Have a good day at work.”

Mrs. Wei opens the front door of her house, once again waving to her son before nodding at you. “Nia will text you when she’s coming home. You two have fun,” she says, the door closing after her with a soft click.

Shortly after that as you sit down at the table with Markl, you hear her car come to life and peel out of the driveway. Your attention is now on this special little boy. “So, are you ready for a fun day?” You inquire, pouring yourself a glass of orange juice.

Markl nods, his dark eyes shimmering in the light. “Super ready!” He exclaims with a wide smile.

You can’t help but giggle. “What do you wanna do today?” You hum. “We could go to the beach, or the mall-”

“I wanna go to the park,” he interjects in a way that only five year olds can. “There’s a boy I’m really good friends with and I want to see him again.” Markl begins to rattle off, excitedly telling you about all his adventures only pausing to finish up his food or drink some more orange juice. He’s beaming.

You listen to him with such a large smile, every now and then reminding him to finish. When he’s done, it’s barely 10 in the morning. Markl wanted to watch some TV and then get dressed and ready for the park. He’s a big boy, so you trusted him to get ready by himself without your help - and he’s developing a quick sense of style. Right now, tiaras and t-rexes are all the rage.

In the meantime, you check the weather. Looks like today is going to be a really nice day. “Hey, Markl?”

“Yeah?”

“Which park are we going to in order to see your friend?”

“The one with the really big rocketship,” he calls out.

You hum. Okay, that’s the one by the beach. “Sweetie, you want me to pack a beach bag? Planning on going in the water?”

A slight pause before you can hear the little boy go ‘uh-huh!’

You turn off the TV and begin to pack, quickly moving through some of the rooms for some beach things. Luckily, you already have some of your own beach things in your car. Markl finally comes down the stairs right when you finish packing and you see he’s got a dinosaur swim top on, some shorts, and his favorite flip flops paired with a plastic tiara he won on the last day of school. “Lookin’ good,” you compliment as you glance over the house, once again fishing around for your keys.

Markl beams and hops down the stairs to be at your side. “Time to go?”

“Time to go,” you answer, opening the front door.

Markl practically hops out of your car once you make it to the beach side park. You have to tell him to hold his horses and he pouts for a moment because apparently, his friend is waiting for him. You lean in the backseat and get out the beach bag. “Okay, okay, we can go now,” you say as you sling it over your shoulder. It’s warm, almost impossibly warm. Thank goodness you’re by the sea.

You watch as Markl speeds off towards the giant rocketship, kicking up sand as he does so. He’s calling out for another little boy - “Draven? Where are you?” He calls out.

You watch with curiosity as Markl runs about the playground, moving past the other kids. You tilt your head slightly and take a seat on the bench, watching as Markl runs around.

“There you are!” He finally cries out happily, running up and smacking into another boy similar in height. He’s got curly black hair, much like Markl, but much lighter skin. They instantly wrap arms around each other before running off to play on the giant rocketship.

Smiling, you pull out a book from your bag and begin to read, listening every now and then to the boys as they play. You’re glad Markl has a friend.

The warm summer day begins to tick by and around noon, you hear small steps padding up against the sand to come see you.

“Miss Reader,” Markl starts, peering over your book. “Can we go play in the water?” He asks, eyes akin to that of a puppy.

You bookmark your page and nod before pausing. “Oh, what about Draven? Does his mom say it’s okay?” You ask, not wanting to run off with some other person’s kid.

Markl and Draven share a look at each other before pulling at you. “Let’s go ask!”

You raise your brows and hurriedly get your things together, crossing the sandy playground to the other side where some man sits. He’s got dark black hair, slightly curled, and looks exhausted.

“Daddy, daddy!” Draven calls out, happily bounding up to the man you now recognize as his father. “Can I go play in the water?”

The man raises a brow, looking at his son and the boy he recognizes as his son’s friend. “She gonna be watching you?”

You bristle slightly. ‘She’? You press your lips into a tight line. “You do realize I have a name, right?” You say, resting your hands on your hips.

The man blinks, a huff escaping his lips. “Apologies.” It’s said in such a hollow tone. “I’m Benjamin Kondraki, most people call me by my last name.” He holds his hand out to you.

You narrow your eyes and center yourself. “Reader, Reader Last,” you reply, taking his hand. You put on a smile and then let him go. “I’ll watch Draven,” you say.”

“Don’t you wanna go in the water with them?”

You blink. “I guess?” It was an awfully hot day. Maybe he has a point.

“And you can’t do that while you’re holding all of these things, right?”

You nod.

Kondraki stands up, stretching his limbs before he ruffles his son’s hair, and then Markl’s who laughs loudly and joyously. “I’ll take a seat on the beach, watch your stuff.”

You spent the rest of the day swimming with the two boys, tossing them into the water and playing with them. Markl was happy you were able to play, and Draven was just pleased he was able to go in the water. Normally, Kondraki didn’t let him go in! At one point, Kondraki became the judge over a sandcastle contest between the three of you and Markl ended up winning!

“You did put in good effort,” he said, a sly grin on his lips as you flicked the water droplets off your hand at him. He laughed.

Draven and Markl hugged each other tight, trying hard to spend more time with each other when it’s time to go. Both you and Kondraki struggled to get the boys apart from each other. But, sleepiness from a long day affects even the strongest of bonds and the two were peeled away once the yawning commenced.

“I’m sure I’ll see you soon,” you say over your shoulder as Kondraki rests a tired Draven in his arms.

“Sure,” he hummed. “Have a nice evening.”

You warmly smile, almost displeased he’s not returning the gesture.

What an odd man.

Shortly after coming back to Markl’s place, Nia had texted she’d be home soon and right when you were cuddling with Markl on the couch to a fun movie (he’d insisted on watching Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron).

“You two look like you’ve had an eventful day,” she smiles, kicking off her shoes and getting ready to relax in her home. She brushes her fingers upwards and takes out the hair tie, letting her braids fall down her back.

“We did,” you say as Nia sits down on the couch next to her son, her gentle arms taking him into her arms. “Met Draven’s dad.”

“Konny?” Nia perks up. “He’s a good friend of mine.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “He is? But he’s such a d-”

Nia laughs, her smile widening. “I know,” she giggles. She brushes her fingers through Markl’s hair. “He’s not a bag guy, promise.”

You roll your eyes and relax against the couch. “Sure.”

Nia only snickers in response.

The next time you see Kondraki is at Markl’s birthday party. And it’s safe to say that this time, you and Kondraki got along just fine. There were a few shifty glances thrown, but ultimately? Ultimately, the two of you sat at the table, had some cake, and poked fun at certain things. He made you laugh, and seeing him with Draven made you admittedly more friendly than you were expecting to be.

“Y’know, you’re not too bad,” you say, a small smile on your lips.

Kondraki chuckles under his breath as he hands you another glass of iced tea. “Should I be offended?” He jokes.

You lightly slap his shoulder and take the tea from him, sipping at it slowly. “Are you a dick to everyone you meet?”

Kondraki laughs this time, it bubbles up from his throat and exits like bubbles. His eyes crinkle slightly. “When am I not like that?” He grins.

“For work?” You hum, eyes shifting to Markl and Draven running around the backyard with other kids. You fail to notice how Kondraki freezes, a slight fear washing over his system before he clears his throat.

“Yeah, for work,” he says, attempting to keep up the light tone.

You sigh slightly in response, that same smile on your lips as you look back over to him. “I get it,” you say. “I can be a bit of a witch too.”

Kondraki playfully rolls his eyes. “Sure, like you have a mean bone in your body.” He takes a long sip at his drink.

“Could always change that if you leant me yours,” you absentmindedly say, not even realizing the implications until Kondraki practically chokes. A heat rises over your cheeks as Kondraki struggles to compose himself. “Oh my gods, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t be!” He laughs, practically doubled over as your face heats up even more.

You pout and cross your arms over your chest, heart beating like a drum. You rake \your fingers across your face and take in a deep breath.

Kondraki grins wildly as he comes back up, brushing his fingers through his hair, his emerald colored eyes shining in the remaining sunlight. “So, what are you doing next Friday?”

You’ve been dating the man for three years now. A simple Friday date turned into another, and then another, and after that, it was breaking the news to Draven who was more than excited to have you in his life. Now? Now you’re about to make the biggest step in your relationship so far.

“And you’re sure you’re comfortable with this?” Kondraki asks as he rests his arm over your shoulders, looking at your cleared out apartment save for the plethora of brown boxes that litter the room. It looks so empty, and the echoes of both your voices is the clearest reminder. “Because like, I don’t want to force you into-”

You turn your head to the side and press your lips warmly to the corner of Kondraki’s mouth, making him melt into the simple touch. “We’re gonna be just fine,” you begin. “I am going to be just fine. You’ve been asking me this question ever since you first proposed that I move in with you,” you tease as Kondraki shifts, his hands resting warmly on your waist. Your fingers reach up to thread through his dark locks, eyes getting lost in his. “I hate being apart from you,” you murmur into his chest.

Kondraki hums warmly, his lips pressing to the crown of your head as he swats the two of you. “I know, I know,” he murmurs. “I just don’t want you to be overwhelmed or like I’m forcing you, y’know?” He attempts to explain as he averts his gaze for a moment.

You furrow your brows and flash him a knowing smile. “You don’t need to worry about me like you did-” her “it’s nothing. I’m a big girl, I can handle it,” you giggle, once again tilting your head upwards to press your lips to Kondraki’s.

He chuckles deeply, thankful you didn’t mention her name and squeezes you against him. He revels in the feeling of your hearts beating in sync before gently and reluctantly peeling away from you. “C’mon, last of these boxes?”

You grin. “Last of these boxes.”

“Is that the last of it?” You huff, dropping the box onto the living room floor.

Kondraki wipes back the hair that’s fallen over his brow and nods. “Yeah, I think we’re in the clear.” He stretches his arms a bit, then his back, and takes in a few deep breaths. “Who knew such a small apartment could hold so much stuff.”

You chuckle heartily, “I know, right?” You check your watch. “Oh! Your turn to pick up Draven,” you say as Kondraki glances to his own watch, brows shooting up in surprise.

“Shit, you’re right,” he says as he pulls open the front door again. “Be back in a bit, love you,” he says as he rushes out the door.

“Love you too,” you call back, watching as a sly smile spreads onto Kondraki’s lips, listening to the car start off in the distance. You hum as you get to work, already familiar with the house as you begin to move things around.

It’s honestly relatively mindless work considering a good portion of your things have already been moved to the house in preparation for this day. You’re about halfway through getting your clothes into the drawers Kondraki cleared out for you when you hear a ping. Curiosity gets the better of you and you stand up, looking for the pings. Multiple of them. Sounds like an instant messenger go off, but you’ve never heard that type of notification sound before.

You begin to search the room, crouching down and playing an odd sort of “marco polo” with the thing until you check the closet. There, hidden behind piles of out of commission sweaters is a laptop. Weird, how have you never noticed that before, especially with all the times you’ve spent in this specific room? You shake the thought off and begin to move the sweaters aside and grasp for the laptop. It looks new, like, really, really new. There’s no company mark on it either. Silver chrome, in good condition, you raise a brow.

‘Should I really be doing this?’ You ask yourself as you debate on prying open the laptop or not. You bite your lip and sigh before deciding that yes, you’re going to be nosy even if your boyfriend might not appreciate it. You’ve never gone through his things without his permission prior to, and this was just to stop the notifications that kept incessantly going on. You pry open the laptop, pupils constricting slightly with how bright the screen is.

Of course, it’s locked.

Curiously, the little chat bubble is still open, and you’re able to read the correspondence. You read over the names, there’s three. Gears, Bright, and Clef. Must be coworkers? They seem a tad worried.

Gears: You cannot keep spamming him in hopes it will work.

Clef: the hell I can’t?? He needs to get his ass over here

Bright: I’ve tried call him and it’s not working

Bright: which is weird because when was the last time you saw him off his phone

Gears: Dr. Kondraki, you are needed almost immediately.

Dr? You raise a brow and scroll upwards in the chat, hoping to get some type of answer. And it keeps going, hundreds of messages about work and things you’re just barely piecing together. Luckily, there’s a little button that allows you to go all the way to the top - or at least how far the logs go.

What is all of this? Images are sometimes shown about files or strange creatures. How is this even allowed out? Your mind begins to spin.

While you scroll through the chat, you look up things through your phone, whispers of things called ‘SCPs’ and containment procedures, and of course, you find next to nothing. Is this just some elaborate Dungeons and Dragons campaign? Your head is spinning further and further as you go down the rabbit hole.

Apparently, Gears, Bright and Clef need Kondraki for something in regards to SCP 239, and it may or may not break ethics code. The things they’re planning on doing… You’re not sure what to make of it. You’re so immensely confused, head practically tearing apart at the seams when the front door opens and you hear Kondraki step back inside, a long sigh on his lips.

“Reader? You in?” He calls out. “Sorry for coming back so late, Draven’s mom, she uh,” he chuckles uncomfortably under his breath, “Draven’s not gonna be with us this weekend.”

You panic and slam the laptop shut, struggling to get the room back in order as Kondraki makes his way to the bedroom.

“Baby, what are you doing?” He asks, brow raised as he leans in the bedroom doorway, arms slightly crossed.

“I was just putting away my clothes!” You rush out, smiling at him.

“Sure,” he says with a small chuckle. His eyes scan over you before he realizes you’re sitting in front of the closet. His heart begins to sink. “Reader…”

“Konny-”

“How much did you see?”

You bite your lip. “I didn’t see anything,” you say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kondraki can practically feel the lie radiating off of you. “What did you see?” He asks again.

You feel shivers running up and down your spine, your heart is constricting. “...What is SCP 239?”

A long sigh leaves Kondraki’s lips, his eyes slowly moving from you to his wardrobe. The top drawer, the one you can’t reach, the one he’s told you is nothing more than a coin holder… It has the amnestics. He blinks a few times, heavily walking over to the bed and plopping down on it. “C’mere, I’ll explain it to you,” he says, patting the space beside him.

You hesitantly stand, hand resting in his.

Kondraki rests his arm around you, pulling you into his side as he begins to weave to you the tale of everything you should have never known. Like the first humans in the garden, you were tempted by the snake and ate of the fruit that should have not been eaten. Knowledge is your damnation.

It’s exhausting, entirely exhausting. The weight of all this knowledge - you can’t help but lay back on the bed and listen to Kondraki’s heart, your eyes feeling heavier and heavier.

“Are you tired?” He asks softly, his nose buried into your hair.

You nod ever so slightly.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?”

You feel tears welling in your eyes as Kondraki’s grip around you tightens. “Are you going to be here when I wake up?”

He hums deeply, lips peppering kisses to the crown of your head. “Of course I will.”

“You promise?”

A slightly prick snaps at the base of your skull.

“Yeah baby, I promise.”

You wake up the next morning with tired eyes and a heavy body. You yawn, stretch, and crack your back, eyes narrowing at the sound. Crisp. With another small yawn, you sit up and look out your window, pleased to see that there’s little to no traffic outside. You wonder if you’ll see Sophie soon. Her fathers would be pleased to have the day off, after all. You reach over for your phone.

10 AM on a Saturday? You briefly panic, wondering if you’re missed any baby sitting appointment with your favorite gal when you see a text from Dylan.

Philip: hey sugar cube, Dylan’s mother cancelled the visit for this weekend. Won’t be needing to watch Sophie this weekend. Have a good one

Came in at 7 AM. You let out a breathy sigh before falling back onto your bed. Thank goodness, you would’ve felt awful for leaving them hanging! You sit back up again, thankful you can spend a Saturday to yourself.

Has work really been that hard? Blank spaces begin to make themselves known in the back of your head, a mosaic that you can’t quite place together, but it’s not blatant. Why would it matter?

You brush off the strange, bubbling thoughts before swinging your legs over the bed, sleepily heading to your kitchen. Same tiny apartment, same shitty walls. You run your fingers over your scalp before finally entering your kitchen. Why does it feel so… strange? You blink the feeling back.

There, on the countertop, is a cup of your favorite breakfast drink. It’s resting on top of a slip of paper in a handwriting that feels so familiar, yet hazy.

You try to bite back the horror that someone was in your apartment when you were asleep but shakily reach out to the note anyways, not realizing that your eyes are beginning to water as a response.

‘Nice to see you’re up, Reader. Always were a late riser. Look, I’m not supposed to be writing this to you, not after what happened, but I know you’re going to be confused to hell and back. Our use of ‘medicine’ can only go so far, and you’re bound to go spotty now, and a few months from now. You’re going to be confused, and you’re going to feel things that you aren’t supposed to because at one point, you really did feel them. When that happens, I need you to call this number - XXX-XXX-XXXX.

You’re really confused now, huh? Wouldn’t expect anything less, you never should’ve found out about this in the first place.

I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. For failing to protect you, for taking away so much and not even being allowed to tell you what it is I’ve taken away. Perhaps if that day had gone differently, if I didn’t spend that time talking to her, I would’ve made it back in time to stop you.

You deserve better than this, truly. I wish I could have been that for you, and I’m so, so sorry that it had to come to this. Our protocol is strict, and I couldn’t bear to put you through what I’ve-... Some things are better left unwritten, but just know that it was better this than putting you through what we’d call hell on earth.

I’ve never broken a promise to you, not in the four wonderful years I’ve known you and the three I’ve loved you. I’ve managed to keep them all, but I fear this is the first I will break.

Call the number when things get weird, maybe we'll meet again.

With all my love, Kondraki.’

[asingleheart-shapedbraincell]

Obey Me Brothers and Misc. react to MC having their coffee order memorised

GN!MC

Prologue

You go to a coffee shop. Human world or devildom, doesn't matter. All that matters is after waiting in line you order for you and Ya Boi bc you have their order memorised and they get flustered because every single one of them is a ✨massive softie✨

This is also just me headcanoning their drink orders while I take a break from my dissertation.

(I'm referring to the undateables as Misc. because I don't want to call the the datables bc Luke is a child. He is not datable. That is my son.)

Lucifer

This man would take his coffee in an IV if he could and you can't convince me otherwise

Probably asks that they put as many extra espresso shots in the drink as they're legally allowed to

Anyway, he's very touched that you have his order memorised. He has yours memorised to.

Appreciates that you pay enough attention to him to know his order

Low-key blushing about it and will think about it next time he makes himself coffee

Might even end up making you one to if he isn't working late

Definitely goes for coffee with you more often (definitely not to spend more time with you and also to show that he has your order memorised too 👀)

Mammon

This man is destroyed by any kind of casual affection (pls hold his hand)

I mean, of course you know the great Mammon's coffee order! You were his human weren't ya?

If you're ordering for him, that means you're paying, right? 👀

He do be blushing tho (if you also pay he'll blush even more)

And since you bought it, I GUESS you can have a sip...definitely doesn't just want the casual and domestic intimacy of sharing the same cup

Wants to get coffee with you more often (so he can drink from your cup)

Levi

How did you know the code to order the Ruri-Chan Loveheart Surprise Latte off of the secret menu??????

Oh, you knew it because you listened to him order before and memorised it????????????

Hes not crying, you're crying

No but really, the proof that you actively listen to him when he's talking about his interests has his heart skipping a beat

Hes bright red and trying to cover his face with his hands

Wants to get two straws so you two can sit opposite each other and share a drink but is WAY to shy to ask 🥺👉👈

Will end up buying matching reusable coffee cups that have 'player one' and 'player two' on them

Satan

For the most part he’ll order something basic like an Americano or a flat white UNLESS you're at a place that does latte art.

Then he ALWAYS gets cat themed latte art

Like the little 3D ones they make out of foam and then draw little faces on???

Yeah, he loves them

He think they're so cute

They're in most of his devilgram pics next to whatever book he was reading at the time

One of his favourite things to do is visit cat cafe with you and if you remember his order he'll be very touched and he'll thank you with a blush and a smile

Has your order memorised as well and orders for you next time

Asmo

Changes with whats fashionable but anything ✨pink✨

Pink drink, peach lemonade, strawberry and white chocolate mocha they're all acceptable

But is delighted when you remember his order- it means you've been paying attention to the trends he's following!!!!!

Did you see the drink on his devilgram story????? Isn't it cute!!!!!! You should get one to match and take a selfie together!!!!

Thinks its really cute to go on coffee dates and hear you order for him

Like, yes, they know my order 😌 we're that close 😙✌

Beel

Just hand him a basic Americano, but in a Big Gulp cup

Is touched that you remembered his order, even if it is simple. He just kinda blushes and thanks you (maybe asks if you want to go out dinner that evening).

Make sure he’s fed, or has food available bc if you don’t he will eat ✨The Beans✨

He has done this before and you DO NOT want to see Beel when he has enough caffiene in his system to give a mortal cardiac arrest

He’s already the most athletic brother. You won’t catch him. No one will.

You know Taz from Looney Tunes? When he just...spins super fast in circles and eats stuff??? Yeah, Beel’s like that.

But if he doesn’t eat straight-up coffee beans, he’s just as chill as normal

Just enjoys spending some quality time with you (and yes, he will definitely have your order memorised too)

Belphie

Must!!!!!keep!!!!this!!!!!boy!!!!!awake!!!!!!!

If you remember his order he’s gonna blush, but do his best not to react. But he may also feel the need to Hold Hands later in the day because you’ll have him feeling ✨soft✨.

Has a black coffee but puts, like, 5 sugars in it

He’s basically drinking espresso syrup

and it does NOTHING

Caffiene does not affect this man AT. ALL.

It’s almost scary - he can down 3 espressos and then nap for five hours afterwards

Doesn’t love going on coffee dates because if you’re too caffinated he has trouble keeping up with you, and you won’t feel like having a nap with him. But if you’re just having one coffee, or a tea or something, he does like how chilled out the date can be.

Diavolo

I get grande iced machiatto vibes, and I can’t tell you why

Loves that you remember his order and isn’t shy about it. Will blush at first and then break into a massive beaming smile

He’s paying for the coffee (he’s literally royalty, he’s paying for the damn coffee)

Makes him feel like you two are close and he may attempt to hold hands later if the vibe is right.

Constantly asks you out on coffee dates afterwards - loves spending time with you and loves how informal and relaxed it is

Will also remember your order and make sure that Barb knows how to make it for when you visit the Palace

But still prefers the actual act of going out to a coffee shop with you

If you bring him his coffee order when he’s working, however👀👀👀...blushing mess.

The fact that you went to get coffee for him...even though he knows that you know that Barb is perfectly capable of making him coffee...that you got coffee and thought of him...and bought a coffee for him...and brought it to him...the casual affection, the softness, the thoughtfulness. 😳😳😳 he’s destroyed. BLUSHING. He’s literally so touched. Gonna commit hand holding crimes. Will think about it all day. Will miss you 3x more than normal just because. May even end up doing some light ~pining~ 🥺🥺🥺

Barbatos

✨Tea✨

This is the Undisputed King of Tea

He knows every blend of tea that the shop offers and has the menu memorised.

Will also tell you about the different tea blends if you ask, describes how they taste, what they’re ingredients are, where they’re from, etc.

He’s very grateful if you remember his order, but if you then bring up some of the trivia he’s shared about that tea?? Blushing.

Very touched that you not only remembered his order but the things about it that interest him. The fact that you clearly paid attention when he was talking about tea.

Thinks of you as a very considerate person and will offer to share

He’ll also invite you over for tea a the palace more often now that you’ve shown an interest in Tea Trivia (even if that interest is only based in your interest in him)

Will also invite you to come with him when he needs to go to the market to restock the Palaces tea supplies and may even...h...hold ur hand...😳😳😳

Simeon

This is a chai latte man, don't come for me

Will test out how it tastes with different syrups, particularly likes either hazelnut or vanilla

Can also do his own latte art

When you order for him??? And have his order memorised????? He's delighted.

Its not uncommon for angels to remember each others orders, but he's touched nonetheless (yes that does mean he has your order memorised)

Will tell you that he's touched by your consideration

Just gives him the warm fuzzies and it also kinda reminds him of home

Offers to do latte art in your drink if he can

Would also be the kind of person to bring you coffee in class, and he'll do latte art on that so you can take off the lid and see a little foamy heart and the like ❤☕

Luke (platonic)

No coffee!!!! He's a child!!!!!!

You order him a puppychino hot chocolate

With whipped cream and cinnamon which is his preferred topping and a slice of cake

Hes definitely super happy about the fact you remembered how he likes his hot chocolate

Tells you that your so nice and should come back to the celestial realm with Simeon and him instead of staying down here with a bunch of no-good demons who don't deserve you 😤

Plus the celestial realm has the best hot chocolate!

You also let him have SMALL sips of your coffee but ONLY so he can scope out which beans to use in his next coffee and walnut cake!!!!!!!

Solomon

Probably has some awful sounding custom drink like a fruit tea with pumpkin spice syrup and milk in it 😣

Or a peach lemonade with a shot of espresso and marshmallows 🤢

So its super unique, but he's still surprised you remembers the specifics

Offers to let you try it

DON’T

Will take you out to get coffee together more often, partly to spend time with you and partly to horrify you with his drink choices

[pillow-anime-talk]

daddy, please.

synopsis: “Hey, daddy. I have a little surprise for you.”

# tags: headcanons + scenarios; current relationships & crush culture & sponsorship; romance; smut; nsfw

warnings: mention of sex and sexual activities, daddy kink, size kink, lingerie, pet names & more

includes: female reader ft. rei amayado, hitoya amaguni & jakurai jinguji {hypmic}

author’s note: let’s fucking gooooo!!! here are my wet thoughts and dreams 😳🤚 don’t judge me, pls.

— REI

↘ You met each other at one night when Sasara took Rei and Rosho to a small but very nice bar on the outskirts of the city. Of course, the green-haired twenty-six-year-old praised the local alcohol and service earlier, so his two friends had no choice but to agree to a few drinks and many hours of talks about their group, work or other life difficulties.

↘ Then you appeared in front of three men as an extremely enchanting and full of smile barmaid; you charmed two new guests. Two, because you knew the leader of Dotsuitare Hompo for several days by served him the best and strongest alcohols and small starters. So now, everyone was delighted with you, which is why they showed up at your bar more and more. Rei himself was there practically every day, and you quickly got used to the presence of his deep voice, the same orders and nice, sometimes confident compliments or small gifts that were of unknown origin.

↘ You couldn’t hide that his person also interested you indescribably. He was so damn handsome, and literally no one of your age could compare to his extravagant outfits, silly smirk or the way he held a cigarette between his long fingers.

↘ And when one day he brushed a few stray hairs from your pretty face and tied them up with a golden hairpin – or rather another, new present for you – your cheeks were never as red as at that moment.

↘ Of course, he was much older than you, but it didn’t make you feel bad; how could you feel like this when Rei often walked you home or just asked about how you were doing in college and work? The fact that the bar was practically empty that evening resulted in an honest, lengthy conversation in which you admitted that you have a hard time trying to reconcile so many things at once. You didn’t want to be a ‘victim’, but you admitted that your parents rarely helped you, so you lived and supported yourself completely alone.

↘ Rei thought it was a good time to offer you some help; he asked if you would like to ‘work’ for him, so you could earn more while not overworking your body like you would when you were a barmaid or waitress. This proposition caught your interest, so you nodded, still ruddy on your both cheeks. Meanwhile, Rei took off his sunglasses, making eye contact with you; his orbs were more than mesmerizing.

↘ “... I’m a little old now and well... Wouldn’t you just like to come live with me and spend your free time with me? I must admit that having such a cute doll would be really worth coming home every night.”

↘ You would be an idiot if you didn’t agree to the offer of the man you liked from the first appearance at the bar, where he always ordered golden whiskey or bourbon.

↘ In addition, the gifts you got from him... were so wonderful and always suited your taste, so you were curious what else the older conman could give you.

↘ As it turned out, entering into this seemingly innocent relationship with the dark-haired one was the best thing you could have had.

*:･ﾟ✧*

Rei always came home around eleven at night, and you were always waiting for him patiently; sometimes with a good book in hand and sometimes with a glass of wine, relaxing in front of your favorite series or movie. On that day, however, you wanted to surprise him pleasantly and thank him for the last few weeks during which you lived as you never dreamed of before; after all, you could use his money and credit cards, his whole house, his cars, his everything without worrying about anything but your own studies, which you still attended.

Therefore, covered with a delicate, white bathrobe that showed through your lace lingerie, you waited for the arrival of your lover. You knew that he would bring you a gift as every day – a watch, new shoes, a bracelet or an invitation to the SPA, that’s why you wanted to pay him back this evening, obviously with your tiny, magnificent body marked with countless bites, bruises and colorful marks.

When you heard the sound of the key and the door opening, your legs tightened and you felt a feeling of uncertainty in your heart, but also of great exhilaration. You quickly got up from the black, leather couch and then moved towards the hall to greet the black-haired man. Your tender voice reached Rei’s ears, who turned to you with his signature smirk. However, seeing your current outfit, his facial expressions changed immediately. Still, this didn’t demotivate you before your next step.

“Hi, daddy, I’ve been waiting for you. Do you want to spend some time with me, please?” Looking innocently at him and flapping your eyelashes you instantly made his pants tight. A second later, he approached you, not caring about his favorite hat fell on the wooden floor.

“You look as beautiful as always, my pretty doll.” He said in a warm tone of voice, cupping your soft face with his big, right hand. His strong grip on your cheeks caused big and hot blush. “I didn’t expect you to call me that. It’s quite brave, don’t you think?”

“You don’t like it, daddy? Should I speak to you differently? By your first name or something else?”

“No. Of course that I like it. You don’t even know how much I like it, doll. I’m so fucking hard thanks to you, you know? So what are you going to do with it now, baby?” He asked, sticking his thumb in your wet mouth. You politely sucked his finger, still staring into his glowing with excitement eyes.

Your hand, in meantime, found a bulge on the white fabric, causing a low hiss from the forty-six-year-old.

“I want to make my daddy feel good, so... can I sit on you, daddy? I want your fat dick in my little pussy, daddy. I was polite, I swear by my little finger.”

Of course you were. 

Rei had no doubts about it, so he willingly gave you everything you wished for tonight; all he wanted in return was for you to keep calling him by that lascivious phrase, because... well, well, well. It turned out that he had a huge kink for it.

— HITOYA

↘ Your first meeting was in a sense accidental, but at the same time it wasn’t something unusual or unimaginable; sooner or later you would meet your little brother’s two best friends, and that it happened faster than you thought, it’s just a funny twist of fate.

↘ Jyushi on that sunny day asked you to bring him lunch to the place indicated in the text message. Knowing that he would be as always spending time with the two men he often told you about, you decided to make dinner for all of them. So you prepared three large bentos filled with white rice, fried chicken, broccoli and in each plastic wrapper you put a small chocolate cupcake, because you baked a large amount of them the day before. You also got them something to drink, in this case it was iced, peach tea in a bottles. Ready, you could meet with your two years younger brother and his friends from the rap team.

↘ Kuko liked you right away. He had a lot of respect for you because you were a year older than him, but he was also eager to joke that you were completely unlike your siblings; you were much shorter, a little calmer and more open to new friends. You shrugged with amusement at this sentence, in meantime trying to calm your brother, who blushed furiously on both cheeks and the tips of his ears.

↘ On the other hand, Hitoya was watching you closely; maybe he did it because of his lawyer work, but he couldn’t hide the fact that it was nice to watch your gentle smile, your reddish face and how you took care of your brother and also of the second, younger than you teenager.

↘ Over time, the thirty-five-year-old noticed how tired you seemed to be because of working, studying, cleaning the house, making lunch or shopping. Of course, every time a man politely asked you if you were feeling well, you assured him that yes, you were fine and it was just bad weather or atmospheric pressure. But, oops. You couldn’t cover the bags under your eyes and pale skin with even the best cosmetics.

↘ “Let me take care of you, okay?” It was an innocent request that slowly turned into something more. Naturally, at first Hitoya just offered you mental support and money to pay fee for an apartment and shopping. But then, his hands started rubbing your tense back and more and more invisible traces of sweet kisses appeared on your forehead.

↘ You didn’t even notice when you started looking at a handsome lawyer as a potential partner, and when your heart was beating much faster when you had the opportunity to call him or read the messages he sent you.

↘ You confessed your feelings to him first because you couldn’t stand the rising warmth in your heart when an older man took you on his lap or when he brought home your favorite junk food and wine to celebrate your passed exams or his own, successful trials. He spoiled you so badly and thanks to this you finally felt appreciated and felt what you have been missing over the years, and it was a feeling of indescribable protection and loyalty.

↘ You wondered how you should thank for all of this because you had nothing to offer but yourself.

*:･ﾟ✧*

It was a stupid thought that had haunted you from the last week. Last Wednesday you read an erotic book in which the main, female character called her partner ‘master’ and it was something new for you, something very interesting. However, the word ‘master’ itself wasn’t as encouraging as ‘owner’ or ‘daddy’, which was definitely more suited to the delicate personality and sense of safety that Hitoya gave you from the beginning of your relationship. That’s why you’ve read a few articles on role-playing in bed, and you had to admit that the thought of calling your man ‘daddy’ made a strange feeling of warmth and wet between your legs. You had to take a few deep breaths when you ordered on Tuesday afternoon a pretty, slightly pink lingerie that your lover would definitely like.

Three days later, on Friday, when Hitoya was at work, you at the same time were preparing your whole body and mind for what should be coming around 8pm. You took a relaxing bath, you used a goat’s milk lotion, you loosened your muscles with one glass of dry red wine, and created a sensual playlist with songs that were more than perfect for night with your beloved one.

At twenty minutes past eight you heard the characteristic clatter of shoes in the hall, and your arms tensed slightly in anticipation of your lover; but still, you were still sitting politely on the bed. Your body was surrounded by a delicate lace, and you also hung a cute collar with a metal heart around your colorful neck. You heard Hitoya pacing around the kitchen, living room and bathroom, less than a quarter of an hour later the door to your enormous bedroom opened and you looked shyly at the man who stood with a brown towel wrapped around his thin waist. Seeing you, his left eyebrow lifted and a small smirk appeared on his front.

“Oi, oi?”

“Surprise?” You looked hesitantly into his light green eyes, and then your face flushed at the sight of the towel under which an huge erection began to form. “I... I just wanted to give you some joy as a thank you for what you do for me all the time... daddy.”

Hearing how sweet you pronounce the last word, your partner’s smile only widened. Slowly, but confidently, he moved towards the king sized bed, and as he sat down next to you, his hand was immediately on your smooth, pouty cheek.

“Just being here with me is joy enough for me, darling. But thank you for dressing up so gorgeous for me. Daddy is very, very happy.” You breathed a sigh of relief to hear that the two of you are playing the same game.

“So... could you please lie down, daddy?” You asked softly, and your loved one’s hand moved much lower to your waist, and then to your hot thigh as well. He squeezed the skin lightly and you sighed with satisfaction. “I... Umm...”

“I know you probably wanted to please me tonight, but... But when I look at you, my pretty one, I can’t let you do that. I prefer to take care of you, so will you let me do it?” The warm look that was sent to you from the older man made you jump slightly, nodding your head. “Good girl. Open your legs for your daddy, dear.”

— JAKURAI

↘ You started working in a hospital as part of extra-curricular activities at your university. You quickly liked all the staff, and your warm, even captivating personality added joy to everyone in the building; doctors, other nurses and patients, especially children who considered you ‘super onee-chan’. So Jakurai was no exception and was very eager to answer all your curious questions, as well as the gentle smiles you would send him whenever you passed each other in a bright hallway or doorway, when you finished or started work at the same time and shift.

↘ Sometimes he also helped you with the material for your classes, so that you would get even better grades and join the work in the hospital permanently.

↘ Jakurai liked you a lot, maybe a little more than ‘a lot’, because the fact was that he cared very much about your well-being and whether you were feeling well in the hospital, in your clothes, in your office. He has always asked you how your day or night has been, if you have anything to eat or drink, when you finish your work that day or if you are staying overtime, and even if you want him to walk you home or go with you to the store for shopping. You were totally and irreversibly charmed by it, but you didn’t think that something more would come out of your relation. So you continued to act as before, just thinking it was his natural behavior towards younger women.

↘ But then Jakurai tried to change your job position and you became his assistant who spent more time with him than before. So you talked even more lively and longer than normal, and sometimes after work, if you both had some free time, you would go for a walk to talk about something more peaceful and down-to-earth; about your favorite types of teas or coffees, about the countries you visited, about your favorite music, even about the worst alcoholic drinks you have had the opportunity to try in your lifetime.

↘ With the passing of time, you started going to your apartments on weekends to watch a random movie, cook dinner or bake a cake together. From time to time, if the weather was good, the thirty-five-years-old also took you to the lake and thus shared his passion for fishing with you. You felt really special with the thought that you were the only girl in his environment who could and was so close to him.

↘ The fact that he would sometimes buy you small gifts such as jewelry, science books, or pay for your shopping at the gallery was an added bonus of being able to feel like someone really, like really special to him.

↘ And at the same moment, you felt indescribably safe in his company – Jakurai was unusually tall compared to you, and his soft, warm hands perfectly suited to your small head or tiny body that he stroked every time you did something right or when you passed another exam in a row. He was a bit like an older brother, supportive father, vacation/summer lover, and longtime partner. You have never felt so loved and respected as with him.

↘ That’s why one evening, when you were spending time at your home cooking Italian pasta (it was his idea, btw!), you didn’t notice at what point your attention was shifted from arranging plates and cutlery to his handsome face and focused eyes that looked at the boiling sauce. He was definitely perfect in every way, both inside and outside, and you would be really pathetic not to admit that you had crush on him... or even you were in love with him. Naturally, your staring at his body didn’t go unnoticed. Jakurai chuckled under his breath as his head turned towards you.

↘ “Do you like what you see?”

↘ “Yes, daddy.”

↘ You turned pale and panicked when you understood what you said.

↘ However, Jakurai didn’t seem to be angry, disappointed or disgusted with you. On the contrary. The man turned off the cooking red sauce, improved the locks of hair falling on his pale face, then moved away from the burners, walking towards you. You automatically stepped back, of course, but when his smooth hand was on your cheek, you knew you could still feel safe and valuable with him.

*:･ﾟ✧*

“... So you like talking to men like that?”

“N-No, I don’t know what got into me, really. It was the first time in my life...! You’re just so nice to me, you always buy me so many things and I... I don’t know. If it was uncomfortable for you, I’m so terribly sorry and I promi...” You started, feeling again that what you did wasn’t quite right, but at some point Jakurai put his long, index finger to your soft mouth and you calmed down immediately, looking up into his warm, understanding and gentle amusement, blue eyes.

“I didn’t say it bothered me. Why don’t we talk about it on the sofa?” The low voice reached your ears one more time, and you nodded hesitantly.

You wanted to sit on your regular place next to the fluffy, gray pillow, but the man frowned as he patted his both, huge thighs. You blushed immediately, but obediently took your seat next to his crotch. You could swear he was already hard, that’s why your pussy got wet.

“I have long wondered if you like me any different than as a coworker and friend. Because you see, kitten, I personally thought of you more than you might think.” He smiled slightly and you bit your lower, sweet lip between your teeth, nodding your head once again in confirmation of his words.

It took a while to get your mind ready to answer, but after a few longer seconds you turned your head towards a calm and masculine face, admitted that you also thought about him and about whether he will accept your feelings, if you ever confess them. Your pinkish cheeks and glowing eyes were by far the most wonderful thing Dr. Jinguji had ever seen. So he was the first to take your heated left cheek, then close his own eyes, pressing his lips to yours. His free, other hand moved to your right thigh and squeezed the soft skin covered with the fabric of a skirt. A few moments later, you moaned as warm fingers touched your cool skin. Jakurai lost his mind.

“Have you ever touched yourself while you thinking of me, princess?”

“I... Well, I...” You moved away from his mouth, and then you felt your ears and the tip of your nose burn with shame and delight. “Yes, daddy. Three times. B-But my fingers were never enough. I prefer your cock, daddy. It certainly is fat and big, and perfect for my little pussy that has never be fucked by such a mature and gorgeous man.”

“Oh, my love. Daddy’s cock will definitely be perfect for you.” His hands passed under the light blue fabric of your clothes, and after a short while, picked up the colored material. “Hmm. I feel that this situation was planned. Am I wrong?” He stated by touching his finger to your still wet slit, which was covered with white lace. You blushed once more, but you didn’t have a chance to respond to that remark, because your lips again tasted the lips of a man fourteen years older than you who after a quick moment laid your fragile body on the dark couch.