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m1guelsgf · 5 days ago

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done for the night

axel kovacevic x reader

author's note ⋆｡𖦹 ✮ ‧₊˚✩彡

hiiiii this is my first fic for any CK character so i'm kinda nervous. hope u like it. i started a pt. 2 already bc i just love axel but i also wanna write him in different scenarios as well! will open my requests asap :)

c.w.

s6pt2 spoilers, drinking.

being in barcelona was a dream. you were grateful that you were able to tag along with the miyagi do's. sensei larusso and sensei lawerence always liked you, especially johnny. being miguel's best friend is a privilege you were happy to have. sure, it came with a lot of drama but it also came with a protector, a group of friends, and some karate skills.

plus, being miyagi do's water girl wasn't a bad deal for being flown out to barcelona.

you were enjoying being on the inside of all the events while not needing to fight. the first couple of rounds you seen were intense. being around all these powerful people made you a little nervous but you had hope nothing terrible would happen like the rumble at west valley. these weren't angry teenagers fueled off drama and angst, they're athletes. aspiring professionals.

after miyagi do managed to stay in the game by the skin of their teeth, everyone was getting ready to go out. sam was talking your and devons ear off about spain and all the things her and miguel were going to do in their freetime when there was a knock at the door. you got up from your spot at the vanity and opened it to see miguel.

he was distressed, foot anxiously tapping with a hand through his hair. "is sam in here?"

"yeah, sam." you waved her over to the door. "you good, miggy?" miguel opened his mouth to speak and his eyes immediately welled up with tears. "what's wrong?"

"my mom..." his voice shook as he took sam in his arms for a hug. "something's wrong with the baby, i need to go back home." he spoke, voice muffled by sams hair.

"of course." you nodded. "is there anything we can do?"

he only shook his head and hugged sam harder.

"miguel." johnny said from the end of the hallway and beckoned him.

miguel let sam go and gave you a quick but tight hug before taking off. you and sam share an uneasy look before going back inside the room.

"miguel's going back home? sensei too?" devon asked and the two of you nodded.

"i need a drink." you said, grabbing your purse.

***

at the bar, everyone just seemed to take the gloominess with them. knowing miguel was struggling made it impossible to have fun.

"what are we going to do now that miguel's gone?" devon asked hawk and demitri.

"we could always have y/n take his spot?" hawk said, giving you a look over like he was sizing you up.

you scoffed. "yeah right, i wasn't even good enough to fight for a spot in the sekai tekai. getting my ass kicked on the world stage isn't on my bucket list."

"i'm serious." hawk said. "if they can't get kenny, you're next up. so don't black out this time." hawk pointed at your drink, remembering the time you got blackout drunk and threw up all over the inside of his car at one of moons parties.

"i'd prefer drunk y/n over kenny any day." demitri started. "at least she didn't shit her pants."

"oooookay." you stood up, taking your empty glass with you. "i'm getting another drink." you saw the way they were looking at you. "my last one. i don't think you guys will need me but if you do, i'll be ready. i promise."

you walked over to the bar, where sam and robby were sitting. "hey."

"hey." sam said and robby only nodded.

"what's with him?" you noticed robby's bad mood as soon as you walked up.

"maybe you can help." sam stood up, taking her cup with her. "i'm gonna go sit with the others for a sec, see if miguel still has service."

"okay." you nodded, taking sams spot at the bar. "what's wrong?"

"everything." robby sighed. "i need a drink."

you wanted to tell him not to, that it wouldn't solve anything but you knew that he already knew.

"get one, whatever you want. i got us for the first round." you took some cash from your pocket. "hey, can i get a mai tai and..."

"a rum and coke. double. please." robby asked and the bartender nodded, getting to work on your drinks.

"it's one of those nights, huh?" he only nodded, peering at the other edge of the bar for a moment before scoffing and turning back to you.

"yeah." you looked down to where he had just looked, to see tory and kwon sitting besided each other. kwon had an arm around her shoulders and was whispering something in her ear.

"i'm sorry robby. she's gonna come around, i know she is."

"i don't know. she's doing better without me." robby took a sip of his drink and looked down to where tory was sitting. kwon had separated from her but was still close. "and i'm here." he looked at his drink. "thanks by the way."

"it's not good to drink alone. especially when you're down." you nodded, taking a sip of your drink. "also, i missed out on the robby who smoked weed and skated everywhere. i hear he was kinda fun."

"i still skate everywhere." he said with a small laugh. "just not a skate rat anymore."

"yeah, you're the captain now." you gently nudged his shoulder. "i don't know how that feels exactly, the pressure, but i do know that you're gonna make everyone back home proud. especially tory."

"i hope so." he took another drink and eventually, his was gone.

"i know so. she's been watching every one of your fights."

robby cringed a little bit. "knowing i've lost every one of my fights definitely makes me feel lame."

"you're still in it. there's still tomorrow." you took another sip of your drink.

robby nodded. "i'm gonna go to the bathroom."

you nodded in return, looking over your shoulder to see hawk on his phone, sam and devon talking, and demitri dancing with a girl. when you turned back to where robby was sitting, kwon was in his seat.

"hi."

"hello." you were playing with your straw.

"what are you drinking?"

"a mai tai." your responses were dry but kwon wasn't backing off.

"do you want to dance?" he offered his hands but you shook your head, backing away a little.

"no, thanks."

"what? you're only miyagi do's little girlfriend? not for the rest of us?" kwon leaned in closer. "i can treat you better than keene."

"leave me alone, kwon."

"hey." robby's voice came from behind you.

kwon only scoffed and backed up. "someone's waiting for me anyways." he stood up. "i promise i'll keep her warm tonight, keene." he said before leaving the bar.

"are you okay?"

"i need some air." you stood up and went outside, leaving your friends at the bar. you felt bad for leaving robby alone but you couldn't be there anymore.

you felt the effects of the alcohol as you walked down to the beach. your head was spinning. you stopped and took a seat near the shore, sighing as you looked out to the water.

and then you saw him.

axel kovacevic.

he had been destroying his opponents on the mat. nobody's been able to land a point on him. he was one of the strongest competitors. he was stoic too, especially now as he was practicing his kata about 10 feet away from you. in the moonlight, by the ocean, with the alcohol making your perspective soft, he wasn't robotic. he was focused. until he caught you staring at him.

you made eye contact and immediately looked down at your lap. you waited about 5 seconds to check if he was still looking and he was full on staring. it was awkward. he wasn't looking at you as a threat, but with curiosity.

the two of you observed each other for a silent minute before you decided to say something. "hi." you waved and he didn't say anything in return. "you're axel right?" he nodded. "i'm y/n. i liked the kata you were doing."

"i'm not supposed to speak with opponent." he turned away from you and you stood up.

"i'm not your opponent. i'm not even fighting in the tournament. more like, emergency backup." you smiled, watching the corner of his lips tug upwards.

"why aren't you fighting?" he asked curiously, taking a step closer to you.

"i'm not really a fighter like my friends are." you shrugged. "you're great though."

"i'm alright." he leaned over to pick up his shirt and revealed bruises on his back. the sight made you wince.

"what happened?"

"bo staff competition."

"nobody has been able to land a point on you yet." you looked at him and he had a sort of an embarrassed look. "i know about... your sensei. one of my friends saw. it's not right. you should be out with your team, not practicing alone."

"there's always time for practice. my sensei wants me to be the best. it's because of him i never lose."

"doesn't make it right." you responded. "your entire dojo is pretty great though, i have to admit."

"you're pretty." axel stopped himself. your face was on fire and so was his. "your dojo's pretty good too."

"thanks. do you wanna walk with me? back to the hotel?" you asked, rocking on your heels. axel looked around and nodded and you both took off into the night.

"how long have you been fighting for?" you asked.

"ever since i was a kid. what about you?"

"only a couple years. after one of my friends got really hurt, i decided i had to get serious about learning. he had been teaching me some stuff but when it happened i just had to join a dojo. it was actually... cobra kai."

axel looked at you in disbelief. "you were in cobra kai?"

"yeah. after miguel got hurt, i was really angry and i took it out on everyone."

"miguel..."

"he was the original cobra kai." you remembered when miguel excitedly showed you his first gi. "it's a long story though. those sensei's, silver. they put me and all my friends through hell. so i know what its like to have a sensei do anything to make you the best, even hurt you."

axel couldn't say anything, he could only look at you with wonder. "is that why you don't fight anymore?"

"kind of. i don't know. i'm just not as angry as i used to be. i feel like my anger was the only reason i was ever good and i don't wanna live like that." you shrugged.

"i understand." he nodded. "i love karate but i don't want to be a robot all the time." you shook your head and opened your mouth to speak but he interrupted. "i hear what everyone says. they call me a monster, a machine. sometimes i just want to be axel." you nodded, this time you didn't have anything to say. "that's why i like to travel. i get to disappear in each city whenever i'm not fighting."

"how many cities have you been to?"

"a lot." he chuckled and listed all the cities and countries he's been to. you listened in awe. "what about you?"

"i've never really left california." you responded. "but after being here, i'd love to see everything. the sagrada familia makes me feel small but not in a scary way. it's like a monument to the great things humans can do."

"how cute!" a familiar voice interrupted. "little rival team playtime, huh?" kwon and another cobra kai came from around the corner. "thought you were only for miyagi do to play with."

"and i thought i told you to leave me alone." you tried to push past them but they blocked the path. you could smell the alcohol on kwons breath as he spoke. "just let us go."

"what's the magic word?" kwon asked, leaning in closer to you.

"move." you responded bluntly, not wanting anything else to do with this.

"wrong." kwon scoffed and shook his head. he glanced over your shoulder and you were sure someone was behind you.

"we just want to go back to the hotel." you weren't planning on giving kwon what he wanted.

"okay. you can go, only if you say please." kwon was in your face again, smug smile plastered on his face.

before you knew it, the other cobra kai kicked axel. it barely affected him as he shot into action to defend the both of you.

"come on, hit me. show me why they brought you here." kwon tapped his cheek and you were about to raise your arm when you were grabbed from behind. you elbowed whoever grabbed you multiple times before being able to slither out and kick him across the face. at the same time, axel shoved the other cobra kai into kwon. "okay come on. i'll take you both."

the sound of sirens took everyone but kwon out of the fight. he was still pressing axel and had to be taken away by his teammates.

"come on, let's go."

the two of you bolted back to the beach. after catching your breath, you started laughing a little.

"what?" axel asked.

"that guy kicked you and you barely moved. you have a strong base."

axel looked away from you, a smile spreading across his face. "thanks. that was a nice roundhouse."

"thanks, axel." you smiled at him and then looked out at the ocean. when you looked back at him, he was staring. no, he was admiring you. "what?"

axel said nothing, he only reached to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. his hand brushed against your face and you leaned into the touch.

and then he kissed you.

and you kissed him back. it was perfect. he was cradling your face with one hand, pulling you closer by your waist with the other. his mouth moved against yours softly and romantically. it was sweet. he didn't want anything other than to kiss you and you were happy to oblige and let yourself be putty in his hands.

but then your head started spinning again. you pulled away abruptly, taking a deep breath as you came up for air. the alcohol, the running, and the kissing were all making you dizzy. "axel i-."

"i'm sorry, i should go. already after curfew." axel took off running down the beach.

"wait, axel!" you called out after him but he was gone. you felt terrible as you went back inside the bar to meet with your team. everyone was already heading out and robby was nowhere to be seen. you figured he had went back to the hotel and hoped he would be fine. everyone else on the other hand would be dealing with their drama for a minute, including yourself.

#axel kovacevic #axel kovacevic x reader #axel cobra kai #cobra kai season 6 #cobra kai season 6 part 2 #cobra kai x reader

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littlelostmoth · 28 days ago

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The Final Double Exposure Post

Okay, the game is out now and just wanted to share some final thoughts about Double Exposure and the big problems with it. All spoilers below the cut.

Ultimately, even outside of the brutal murder of Pricefield, gaming's most classic wlw couple, the game is just very poorly written. This post will acknowledge that breaking up Pricefield is terrible writing and they do not do it in a way that makes any remote sense whatsoever. While everyone can sit and say "It makes sense they broke up," it didn't. These characters are characters, ones designed to tell a story. Characters who exist as a bright spot for sapphic and queer people playing video games in 2015.

It's the same thinking as everyone used to say "Well if Nathan just had therapy, he'd be better." And to which it would be answered, "No shit, maybe he would have been better with therapy, but it's a story and he rejected going so no he didn't get better and won't get better because that's not the point of the story." Point being, you can self-justify the Pricefield break up with real world logic all you want, but the fact that even Dontnod is sad about the state of it should be telling. That in addition to the leaks about Square hating Chloe and the D9 narrative team hating her, and it was not done as a good faith way to tell a story. Ultimately, the game encourages you to choose the "Kill Chloe" ending of the original game so that Max can retain her memories of her in a pure way, while also removing her from story. If you choose what the D9 devs believe is the morally evil choice, you get horrible Chloe.

There is SOME good stuff in here, but it's not enough to justify the game's existence. Here are the short amount of pros we compiled for the game: the music is well done, the environments are very nice, and the side characters are fine for the most part.

That's it. Everything else is a con: the story, the handling of Max and Safi as characters, the entire mystery of the game basically being shafted in favor of... making the most important thing about Life is Strange the superpowers. It just seems like this game misunderstands what Life is Strange is or was at any point.

Max is so horribly out of character in this game. Why? Why does she do the things she does? Sometimes she feels like a natural adult version of the original game's Max, while other times she's overly horny to the Nth degree. Max has the ability to cheat on her two love interests, and both love interests reject her in the appropriate timelines of pursuance. Within the text of the game, she uses her powers to circumvent the fact that they've rejected her.

Remember the original game's ending? Nightmare!Max accuses Max of selfishly using her powers to manipulate others to her own selfish end. Ultimately, we're left with the fact that Max used her powers to help get others to like her because she didn't have many friends and was a target of bullying. It's morally dubious, but she wasn't doing any of it for like selfish personal gain. It was an extension of her anxiety.

This game goes around this and makes Max purposefully use her powers for selfish gain. The entire first game revolved around the concept of whether or not she was using it for selfish gain. She wasn't. Now the game forces Max to go through the same exact arc, but this time she is actively being awful instead. Not only cheating, but using it to get around being actively romantically rejected.

Then there's how the game handles its story. Like what the hell is going on here? How does any of it make sense. Spoilers again, but the mastermind is Safi, and Safi is a shapeshifter. She wants to take over with world with Max and collect her own superhumans to form a what? A Legion of Doom? Why? Why is Safi a villain? Her villain arc literally comes out of nowhere and the game does little to sell how she goes from wanting a book deal in the beginning to "I have godlike powers, let's take over the world together." Like honey, WHAT? WHY? And the fact the final choice is to join or refuse her??? LIKE WHAT? WHERE DOES IT COME FROM? WHY WOULD MAX, WHO EITHER HAD TO MAKE THE CHOICE TO SACRIFICE A TOWN OR HER LOVED ONE AND IS ETERNALLY TORMENTED OVER BOTH... SUDDENLY ONBOARD WITH BECOMING JUST A GENERIC EVIL GIRL?

And that's it??? Nothing else in the game matters. The romances go nowhere, thus making breaking up with Chloe pointless since it's not like the game allows Max to pursue a relationship seriously any further. Or just the mere fact she's shitty for doing so. None of the plot points of this game matter, and the mystery the game is built on doesn't matter.

It's like... Here's a murder mystery! Without the murder or the mystery! And then... the game just ends. It just ceases to exist and stops without any sort of... ending that feels satisfying. We get an AVENGERS LEVEL END SCREEN OF "MAX CAULFIELD WILL RETURN."

We think about the endings to the other game's endings. They all have some sort of conclusion that feels like its own self contained experience. You get this long and depressing ending of Chloe dying and her funeral... You get this wistful drive out of Arcadia Bay as Obstacles plays. You get Sean surrendering himself to the police so Daniel can live to grow old and not suffer for the sins of those older than him, and how Sean comes out after. You get to see how Chloe and Rachel grow as time passes to the first game. You get to see how Alex chooses to live her life on her own terms after so long of feeling like she was trapped. You get all of these different endings for the game and here you get... what amounts to the exact same ending depending on your choice which is to be horribly evil supervillain when the time comes or not, and then sequel bait with Diamond and Safi. Why? Why does she have a bleed from her nose? Since when did that become a common occurrence for superpowers? Or storms when powers are overused along with nightmares?

In the original game, the nosebleeds are a result of Max twists reality around her as the epicenter. It's the physical damage she gets for what her powers are physically doing to existence. The storm? The point is, we don't know why the storm comes.

When did Life is Strange become about superpowers and taking over the world? When did it become all of these things? Like True Colors isn't a perfect game by any means, but for fuck's sake it at least knew the scale of what a Life is Strange game should be. Small town mysteries with a colorful cast we love and hate. To this day, I still think that the Jed stuff is some of the most morally fascinating questions to be raised in the franchise. To have that final choice be to either forgive him or not? It's an incredible final choice that is so intertwined with the game's themes. To leave or to stay afterwards? They're both extremely meaningful, dual choices.

This game does nothing. That's ultimately it. What did we gain from Double Exposure? Nothing. It doesn't continue Max's character in any meaningful way. It does little to build upon the actual lore of the original game. It doesn't actually use any original characters except Chloe and that's solely to drive it in how much they despise her from a writing perspective.

Regardless of how well each game did at telling their stories... They all had something meaningful to say in some way. Even if Before the Storm is not a game that I'd necessarily say is amazing, there is some thought and thematic purpose put to that game. It's still 1000 times the game this will ever be.

When I was first exposed to the game's ending... the emotion I felt was pure and raw bafflement. Not anger. Not sadness. Bafflement and bewilderment. I had no idea what the fuck I just played or what I gained from it? What does Max as a character gain from this story? What do any of the characters in this game gain from the story? Nothing. The game starts and then it ends. And we all gained absolutely nothing from the experience. (And in BtS the ending is fine, because it's a prequel that has to have a clearly defined ending to lead into the first game. You can't break Chloe and Rachel's relationship, it always has to be what it is.)

For a long time I really hated the Life is Strange comics. It felt like a kick in the head to the original game's story. But then after it ended and this came out, we can view it as a more honest and genuine follow up to the games as opposed to... whatever we got here.

The comics focus heavily on Max's perceived guilt over what happened to Arcadia Bay. She comes to believe that she, herself, is the problem in reality. That she makes everyone around her unhappy, including Chloe. While Chloe reassures her this is not true... she ends up displaced and removed from reality... and punishes herself by sending her to a world where Chloe is happy with Rachel.

The rest of the story is Max and Chloe apart for years, as Max wrestles with her guilt... while Chloe waits for her. Chloe waits and knows Max is out there still. Max eventually realizes how wrong she was after self-reflection and being around the alt!Chloe and Rachel helps her realize she was wrong.

Chloe builds them a home.

Chloe comes to move past her own grief, just as Max did.

Chloe helps rebuild Arcadia with her own hands. She decides she has a home. This town, with Max. And then they're together... And that's what matters because... like Michel said: "They have each other."

And that is what Life is Strange was about. These two young women, who were best friends... they grew apart through tragedy and life circumstances... And then they found each other again, fell in love, and even in tragedy had one another to rely on.

I am who I am because of Life is Strange.

I met the love of my life because of Life is Strange.

And no matter how bad Double Exposure is... It can't take away Life is Strange, Max, or Chloe from me.

No.

It can't take them away from us. From all of us who cared enough to stick around this funny little 20$ adventure game from a decade ago.

#life is strange #double exposure #max caulfield #chloe price #pricefield #spoilers #spoilers for all lis games #true colors #life is strange 2 #before the storm #read the comics

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heliads · 1 year ago

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I recently re-read the hunger games trilogy, so can you write a katniss fic with a fem!reader being secretly haymitch's daughter?? nothing much, just the two of them spending time together, hunting or spending some quality time together, ignoring the capitol, the world and individual problems to enjoy the hours they have together

please let me write for thg i love this request

masterlist

It is a terrible thing to be a Victor. Most people only look surface level, choosing to focus on the gilded trappings and gaudy praise the Capitol heaps upon you. Beneath the facade, living with the memories of what you’ve done is far harder than finding a way to burn through all the money they give you for killing twenty-three other children while all the world watches on. The price of blood was always worse than the price of gold, anyway.

You’ve seen this once before already. The Capitol does its best to stay up to date on every little detail of their lovely Victors’ lives, but when Haymitch Abernathy had his first child, he did everything in his power to ensure that no one would ever find out. That infant would live in someone else’s home, kept out of sight of the cameras and the Arena alike, and she would grow up to be you.

It wasn’t the worst of lives. It kind of was. No one can pick their place in life when they first come into the world, obviously. Otherwise, we’d all be living up in the Capitol and no one would be down here, choking on coal dust, waiting for their bones to turn ash so their body can be burned to heat the homes of the rich and prosperous a million miles away from them.

Haymitch watched out for you as best he could. He sent your foster parents money when he remembered it, always a little out of schedule, a touch too much to cover up for the fact that he forgot the last time around. He started remembering as you got older, though. He stopped feeling ashamed of you and started feeling ashamed of himself.

You see him a lot, although the frequency of your meetings always picks up around the time of the Games. He needs it as a reminder that not everything about him always leads to death and ruin. Once in a blue moon, Haymitch Abernathy is responsible for something good. Something, someone, like you.

There’s a schedule to the Games, one that isn’t known or enforced by the Peacekeepers, and it goes like this: first there is the before, and then there is the after. Prior to the start of the Hunger Games ceremonies, Haymitch will be over at your place. You’ll talk a lot. Both of you will do your best to keep the conversations light. Remember when you were a kid, crawling around all the time? How you used to laugh like crazy whenever it snowed?

Then he’ll get dragged off by the Capitol to go mentor two kids until they die, and then you reach the second phase of the schedule, the after. Haymitch will hole up in his estate in the Victor’s Village, the only occupied house there, the only living being around because he couldn’t save a single person other than himself, and you will find him because no one else will. It’s quiet most of the time. He doesn’t want to think about anything at all, and certainly not the additional two kids who placed their faith in him just for him to let them down again.

After a while, he’ll manage to claw his way out of it, and then you’ll have the better part of a year before the cycle repeats. You’ve had plenty of time to grow used to this pattern, and you’ve perfected it like a pastime. The right words to say get easier to remember when you say them every year. And now, as a reward for getting it right, you get to repeat the process with Katniss Everdeen.

You say that like it’s a bad thing. It’s not. Truth be told, it’s easier spending time with Katniss than anyone else, even right after her first Games when everything is bloody and terrible. You could see yourself doing this again next year, and the next one, and the next. You don’t think you would mind it. Not at all.

Perhaps that’s why Haymitch set this up in the first place. Maybe he knew it would be okay. Or maybe he was just so ridiculously pleased that he managed to save not one tribute but two that he was only thinking about prolonging Katniss’ survival. The reasons don’t always matter. What happened, happened, and secretly you’re glad of it now.

Katniss had been locked in a death spiral of nightmares and bad memories. It soon became clear that she would lose herself to it if someone didn’t intervene, so someone did. Haymitch took Katniss by the shoulders, shook her a little and told her to get it together, and pointed her to you. You knew what it was like to befriend someone who wanted to shut out the world, who couldn’t sleep without nightmares and couldn’t talk without thinking that someone was watching. You could understand Katniss better than anyone, and Haymitch knew it. Daughters are such wonderful pawns to play, aren’t they?

Again, a cruel way to put it, but this is the truth nonetheless. It’s what Katniss suspected the first time you visited her house, and the second, but after a couple of weeks passed and it grew obvious that you weren’t giving up on her without a fight, she begrudgingly let you in. The two of you had been observing each other for years now, the consequence of there only being so many girls your age in a small town in District Twelve, but things accelerated rapidly after the Games.

You’ll never be entirely certain why. Katniss doesn’t let people in, and she threw up her walls tenfold after she partook in the Hunger Games, unable to discern if someone was talking to her because they wanted to or if they wanted to kill her. She even started growing distant from Gale, because Gale didn’t understand her completely, not anymore. Not like you did.

Over the course of the summer, Katniss’ icy demeanor started to melt. She is hesitant and cautious, but she still smiles at your offhand jokes, always a little surprised, like she can’t believe she’s having this good of a time either. The two of you start meeting up in the forest surrounding District Twelve where no one can see you, where it’s just the two of you and the blissful sunlight waving through endless flurries of leaves above your heads.

And, not according to plan, you realize that you’re starting to fall for her. Katniss is like no one you’ve ever met before, even your dad. You knew how to operate around Haymitch, but Katniss doesn’t require an assembly guide or how-to explanation. You just know her. It is as easy as that.

After realizing such a thing as that, how could you not begin to love her? You can steal your dad’s drinks and get properly sloshed on them, but it’ll never match the tipsiness you feel when you look at her; when she laughs at one of your jokes, always reluctant at first but more easily as she gets more used to you. It makes you want to try again and again, and so you do. Katniss listens every time. She says she likes to hear you.

Instead of running away, you decide to embrace the feeling. You head to the woods more and more often, although never at the risk of the Peacekeepers’ attention. Katniss never tells you when she’s going out, nor do you mention when you’re out here, but the two of you have a habit of finding each other nonetheless. You turn around and there she is, emerging from a stand of trees; she crosses a bank at the same time as you; you climb a tree to get a better vantage point of the forest and you’re instantly drawn to the sight of her doing the same across a clearing. Katniss makes sense.

If you squint your eyes just right, you can make your entire world double. The hazy afterimages of present day will swim before you, a hair out of line but still there, still two instead of one. For example, right now, walking through the woods beyond District Twelve, it’s as if you can see two exact images of the current moment instead of only one.

On one version of this day a few years ago, when you hide away from the world in the forbidden greenery past your district’s limits, you come across Katniss Everdeen and you hide from her, too. You do not know her. Not well, at least. You see her and pretend otherwise. She does the same. She heard your footsteps first and thought herself visited by a deer instead of a girl. Her finger tensed on her bowstring, but she released it the second your face finally came into view. Katniss could not kill a person.

Would not. Katniss can kill a person, as it turns out, she can outlive twenty-two tributes through various purposes and keep one other alive, then do it again, but she does not know that yet. All Katniss knows in this past moment, this one half of a fractured memory, is that she will not kill you, and that is true today, too.

On the other version, the one that happens today, you do not run from Katniss, you go to her. That is the whole purpose of risking the Peacekeepers’ wrath by ducking under the fence to escape to the forest. The wilderness means Katniss, and Katniss means you’ll be able to spend another day relatively free from the concerns of a girl from District Twelve who has increasingly little between herself and the violence of not having enough.

Katniss doesn’t turn when you approach, but you can hear the quiet smile in her voice when she admonishes you, “You’re going to scare away all my game.”

You chuckle. “No, no. I’m drawing them out of the bush so you can shoot them. It’s teamwork.”

“If it were teamwork,” she argues, “you would also have a bow.”

You lift a shoulder. “I would never dare steal your favorite weapon. I want you to feel important.”

This does make her laugh. Almost indignantly, yes, but still a laugh. Still a win for you. She manages to nab a few birds before setting her bow down for the morning. The two of you sit side by side in the tall grass, a cool breeze blowing upon your faces, bringing with it the tender tangy scent of the forest.

Usually, neither of you have ever suffered from awkwardness when you’re out here. You could spend hours out here, not saying a word, and it would be just as fulfilling as if you’d spoken the entire time. Today, though, there’s something stuck on the tip of your tongue, a truth that refuses to go unsaid no matter how you fight it.

At last, you give in and, keeping your eyes resolutely ahead, you tell her what’s on your mind. “I’m glad you’re with me, Katniss.”

You can see Katniss frowning out of the corner of your eyes. “Where else would I be?”

You roll your eyes. “You know what I mean. You could have heard me coming and avoided me the second I stepped into the forest. Probably would have caught more, too.”

Katniss shakes her head doubtfully. “No, we’re good. This is good.”

She sets her jaw determinedly, like this settles everything. It does, in a way. It gives you the courage to continue. “I’m glad to hear it. I like spending time with you.” A pause. “I like you.”

Katniss’ brow knits. “Why would you like me?” Genuinely confused, she adds on, “I’ve done terrible things, Y/N.”

“We’re all terrible,” you whisper back softly.

She rolls her eyes. “I’ve been in the Games. You haven’t.”

This is true. No matter how much time you spend with Haymitch or Katniss, nor how many stories you hear about the Hunger Games, it will never be the same as actually taking part in them yourself. With all luck, you never will. Both Haymitch and Katniss would fight to keep you out of them, and then to keep you alive, should that happen, but the possibility shrinks with every year as you get older.

“I still want you,” you tell her. More the empty forest air; you can’t quite say this to her face, not yet. The fear of rejection after everything is too great a burden to bear.

When you do risk a glance over at her, though, Katniss doesn’t look affronted. Instead, she looks more at peace than you’ve ever seen her. Slowly, carefully, her face upturned to catch the morning sun, Katniss smiles again. You’re not even sure that she’s aware of doing it. It is simply the only way she can process that this, you wanting her, would make her happier than anything else.

And, sitting here in the forest, surrounded by a million memories of all that you have done together, a thousand hopes of all that you have yet to do, you look over at Katniss and you know. You know that she loves you. You know that she can’t say it, not yet, not until she’s certain that you love her as much as she loves you.

She will tell you, though. In time. Perhaps it’ll happen another day out here past the confines of District Twelve, in a space that has always been safe to the two of you and will thus protect her from the fallout of confessing to a friend. Perhaps she’ll tell you while you’re asleep next to her, to avoid a response, or perhaps she’ll tell you while you’re pretending to be asleep, so she knows you’re heard and you don’t have to tell her anything.

Or, maybe she’ll just say it now, unspoken but still startlingly loud, audible in every glance your way, every faint smile she never bothers to hide. That, you think, would be enough.

hunger games tag list: @w1shes43, @ilovexavierthrope

all tags list: @wordsarelife

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mellosdrawings · 3 months ago

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ooh, just saw you’re also doing the twst ask game!! how about 5, 23 and 27, if it hasn’t been asked already? :]

5. If you could have any unique magic / signature spell in the game, which would you choose and why?

23. Which dorm would you be sorted into?

27. What drew you into TWST? What made you stay?

5. I WANT CATER'S MAGIC SO BAD YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! Do you know how many projects I have? I wish I could do them all but I gotta prioritize (/pejorative). If I could just make clones I'd be able to work on my webcomic and my Twst fanarts and my writings and my Sci-fi visual novel and-

23. Once upon a time in my teenagehood, I would've been sorted into Heartslabyul because I had the "obey to every single rule" type of autism. Now? I guess it'd be Octavinelle or Scarabia. It's hard to say.

27. Ok so, the thing is I actually was into this game before it even went out. I heard about a Japanese game soon coming and there was the countdown art series and I was IN LOVE with it from a purely aesthetic aspect. Plus I liked the pitch/summary/whatever you call it in English when you resume something to its bare minimum. I loved Descendants so having more content about Disney villains or their descendants was great.

What makes me stay is two things:

1. The characters and their relationships.

I'm the kind of person who can handle most stories as long as the characters are very interesting. And boy, they are.

They all feel very well rounded and believable, not one tone characters who are only interested in one thing. All of them have full personalities and several things they're into and several things they dislike and random info about them that are just there, it feels compelling. Plus I'm the kind of creator that loves diving into my characters' flaws to enhance my plots, so the fact that the game is about the characters' flaws is right into my alley.

Also they all have relationships with one another in some way, where other medias might have just given them a handful of characters to get along with and wouldn't have bothered to find how to make them interact with the other characters.

2. The teen traumas

Ok, they might not always be handled best, but it is compelling to have this stuff, that is usually shrugged at because those are teens and it "shouldn't be called trauma it's just part of life". Here it is given weight.

Riddle's trauma about having an helicopter mom, Vil's trauma about being a child star that has always been typecast as a villain, Azul's bullying, Idia's terrible handling of grief, Leona's trauma about the double standard of people considering him and his brother, Malleus’s refusal to deal with his own grief. It's very compelling stuff and it's powerful. Some of those seem more traumatic than others (*cough* Jamil’s struggle with slavery *cough*) but, well, for a teen all of those are equally as traumatic, and it's normal for them all to have mental breakdowns when they have been given no support whatsoever.

I'm an angst enjoyer who loves to see how much you can hurt a character before they break down, and then what it takes to build them back up into a functioning person. This story is about that, so I dig it really hard.

Plus it's easy to relate to at least one of those characters. The game had me by the scruff with Riddle's storyline because I held myself to a level of perfectionism that also made me break down, so when it happened to Riddle I instantly fell in love. It took me a while to understand Leona's storyline, and then it held me hostage again with Azul's. Idia's own monologue is so powerful that it makes me cry every single time.

So yeah, despite the flaws, I can see gold in there and I doubt I'll get tired of it easily.

#twisted wonderland #twst #ask me anything #should I count this as analysis?#analysis

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chaotic-starlight24 · 3 months ago

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Darry and Two-Bit

I have begun to write the requests! Thanks so much for this one :)

Almost every single request has involved Darry, glad he's getting love. I couldn't find any photos of these two together though :(

Darry and Two-Bit Friendship Headcanons

When they were kids, Mrs. Curtis was besties with Ms. Mathews so Darry and Two kinda grew up together.

They were constantly together since Ms. Mathews was working at the same diner and everything with Mrs. Curtis.

And they didn’t get tired of eachother either. They were pretty similar age and everything so they were just playing their regular childhood games. They’d find other east side or middle class kids to play tag or cowboys with. Your normal stuff.

As they got older, Darry also became best friends with Paul. So they became a trio of sorts. But Paul’s parents DEFINITELY did not want him near them. Mainly Two-Bit because he was more of a typical greaser. Darry they could see being a soc. Two-Bit was a bad influence on their “perfect child”.

The only time Darry acts like a middle-aged dad is around Two-Bit. And as a joke. It started off with one time Darry said a very dad-like thing and Two-Bit just groaned and told him “You sound just like my mom!” and Darry made it his goal to annoy two-bit by doing that at least once a day. Whether it’s stealing a snack from him and overdramatically saying “Dad Tax” or sitting down next to him with an overly serious tone and telling him “Sonny boy, we need to have a talk.” Two-Bit hates it so much and Darry finds it hilarious.

Two-Bit is the one Darry acts his age around though. Mostly because Two encourages him to do so. Whether it's trying to get him to go to a party or just take a drive around.

When they were younger, Darry wanted to buy birthday gifts for Soda and Pony. So he tested out babysitting and made plenty of cash. Two-Bit joined him as well because he wanted some extra money. They became quite the powerful duo. Though some parents would request that just Darry show up.

When Darry was still a more reckless teenager of sorts, they would both give each other so many weird dares. Like the time Two-Bit walked into the diner in a dress and really badly done make-up (Done by Darry ofc) and had to order a cheeseburger without the bun. Or the time Darry had to call Mr. Curtis because he was now hanging upside down from a tree with a jump rope tied to him. Where was Two-Bit you ask? He was too busy untying the lawn flamingo from the other side of the jump rope.

Darry can help Two-Bit out of a funk and vice versa. Sometimes Two will have times where he takes things seriously. Like he says something about him being fat and laughs though Darry can tell he’s hurting. When Darry has those times where he feels like a terrible person and bad brother Two-bit is right there reassuring him.

Two-Bit is one of the few Darry actually has his complete trust in when it comes to Ponyboy. Most people don’t think Two is responsible, but he actually is. Especially when it comes to kids. So if Pony needs someone to be with him whether it’s walking around town or just sitting at home and Darry feels he’s unsafe, Two is the first person he calls.

Darry has always been a sweetheart, innocent not so much, but respectful at least. But on some of Two-Bit and him’s drives Two would catcall just about any girl who walked by. Making Darry duck and hide in the car. Sometimes Two would drag him out and call out something like “I ain’t too pretty, but my buddy here is on the football team!” which would always make Darry turn bright red. A couple times the girl has approached the car and gotten his number though Darry is a stuttering mess. He isn’t that bad at flirting but when put on the spot he is terrible at just about everything.

Sometimes Two-Bit will just stare at Darry with an unreadable gaze. A look of sadness almost. It’s really just him looking at this tired, sore, and hardened young guy who looks like he has decades of working weighing him down. Wondering where that fun and reckless teenager with that charming smile that made girls swoon, where he possibly could’ve gone. His best friend, reduced to scraping the bottom to survive.

Darry was making chocolate cake one time and Two-Bit wanted to try and make one too. But he substituted several ingredients in the cake for alcohol. Usually it starts to evaporate since most people don’t use that much of it in foods, but Two-Bit poured an entire bottle or 3. It was more of a soup than a cake. Darry turned around to put his cake in the oven and just looked at Two like ??!?!?

Darry loves Two-bit’s little sister, he sees her as his own sibling. Him and Two used to play with her quite often. Sometimes they would put on little plays or try to teach her to play cards.

#the outsiders #darry curtis #two bit mathews #the outsiders headcanons #the outsiders headcanon #starlight's writing #original content #request

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daisynik7 · 1 year ago

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Hi!! First of all, i love how you write♡ and i'm here to request some fem!reader x Eren where the reader tells him "i love you" many times. Context: both of them are friends and she isn't too much into alcohol, so, when she drinks a bit during a personal party, she tells him that when they are alone for a moment, don't caring if he likes her in that way, she just smile and tells him again and again

Pairing: Eren x f!reader

cw: alcohol consumption, friends-to-lovers, fluff, all characters are in their mid-twenties

Author’s Note: You are so sweet, thank you so much for the kind words and the cute request! I love writing fluff for Eren, so I hope you like this one! Divider by @/saradika.

Everyone knows you’re a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. One shot you can handle just fine. Two is pushing the limits. At three, your friends, have to keep you close by in case you go running off somewhere, causing trouble. And four is the stuff of legends that you rarely ever get to, except that one time that people still talk about to this day.

Tonight, you reach three shots, and by the time the liquor hits your tongue and burns down your throat, you know it’s a mistake. That’s because tonight, you decide to confess to your best friend Eren that you’re madly in love with him. How does the saying go? Loose lips sink ships? Well, this ship is heading towards the abyss with no chance at resurfacing. It’s do or die, and alcohol has decided your fate.

After Jean blows out the candles on his birthday cake, the music starts back up again, the bass reverberating through the speakers. You grab Eren’s hand, pulling him towards the dancefloor, aka the living room. He’s got an amused expression on his face, watching you shimmy back and forth towards him. Occasionally, he’ll offer his hand to twirl you. That’s one thing you love about Eren: how easy it is to be with him. It’s effortless. Like all the stars aligning to create the perfect little moment, no matter where you are. You spin for him one more time, pausing to wrap your arms around his neck, peering up at him, mouthing the words, “I love you.”

He laughs, giving you a curious look. “What?” he yells out, the music blaring.

Leaning closer, you cup the shell of his ear to say, “I love you.”

He grins, giving you a playful boop on the nose. “You’re drunk.”

You roll your eyes, annoyed at the failed attempt. While Eren can be completely in tune with you for the most part, sometimes he’s terribly oblivious. Which is why you’re still friends and nothing more, despite everyone claiming the two of you are basically married. Soulmates, even. Is he too scared to cross that line from friendship to lovers? Or is it worse; does he not feel the same way?

You try a few more times during the party, whispering the words to him in the kitchen while he hands you a cup of water to sober up. He smirks, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re funny. Now chug it.” You say it to him when you’re outside on the balcony, watching the cityscape from the twentieth floor of Jean’s apartment, bright lights illuminating the night sky in the distance. He shakes his head, clicking his tongue at you. “You seriously can’t handle your liquor.” To him, it’s a joke. And you can’t tell if you’re offended or relieved. But that doesn’t stop you from trying.

Fed up with each failed attempt, you decide to kick it up a notch. You reach for a shot glass, pouring yourself the fourth shot of the night. It’s dangerous, but desperate times call for drastic measures, right? You down it in one go, feeling powerful, maybe a little unhinged.

And, of course, this backfires on you. Because at this point, Sasha and Mikasa rope you into a game of strip poker, and you keep removing articles of clothing even though you’re not the losing hand. It’s when you’re down to your bra that Eren pauses the game to take you home, resulting in a round of boos from the crowd.

He drives you back to your apartment, patient as ever as you chant the same words to him. I love you, I love you. I love you, Eren. He continues to chuckle at you, totally unaware that you really mean it.

Back home, he forces another cup of water on you, watching you with a pleasant grin on his face. He always looks at you like this, like you’re precious to him. In your bedroom, you manage to change into your pajamas and tuck yourself under the covers, the booze starting to wear off. There’s a soft knock on the door before he enters, wearing his own sweats. He’s staying the night, as usual. It’s a routine on the weekends; you go out to party or hang out with friends, and he crashes on your couch. But tonight is different. You want it to be different from here on out.

He sits beside you at the edge of the bed, laughing, tugging lightly at the tag sticking out from your collar. “Your shirt’s on backwards, doofus.”

“Hey! You’re the doofus,” you snap. “You weren’t even listening to what I was trying to tell you tonight.”

“What are you talking about? The love thing? I heard it the first time. I love you too, okay?”

“No, Eren,” you say, firmly. “I love you. Like, love love. I’m in love with you,” The words slip out of your mouth easily, as if they’ve been at the tip of your tongue for the longest time, waiting for release.

He stares at you, jaw hanging open with shock and realization, eventually stammering, “You-you’re in love with me?”

You roll your eyes, shaking his shoulders, his head bobbling back and forth. “That’s what I’ve been saying this whole night!”

“You told me you love me, not that you’re in love with me!”

“What’s the difference?”

He doesn’t respond right away, staring at the tag still sticking out from your shirt. Eventually, he murmurs, “I don’t know what to say.” Clearly he’s rattled by your confession. Part of you wishes you hadn’t said anything at all, afraid of rejection. It’s too late now to take it all back. Is it ruined forever? You knew that fourth shot was a disaster waiting to happen.

You swallow hard, brain still a little hazy from the buzz. “Look, I’m sorry it came out like this, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I understand if you don’t feel the same way; I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

“That’s the thing, though. I do feel the same way.”

It’s your turn to be surprised. “What?”

He leans towards you, holding your hand in his, smiling. “I’m in love with you, too. I love you.”

And maybe it’s the shock of it all, or the booze landing it’s final blow, but his precious face canoodling yours is the last thing you remember before you pass out on the pillows, into the most poorly timed slumber.

When you wake up, it’s morning, and you’ve got a throbbing headache. Despite the obvious hangover, your memory is still intact, sitting up quickly to inspect your surroundings. It’s then that you notice Eren’s hand entwined with yours, sleeping soundly beside you. You lay back down, facing him, scooting closer until your noses are touching. Slowly, his eyes open, a sleepy grin spread across his face. “I just had the craziest dream.”

“Yeah? About what?” you ask, playing along.

“I dreamt that you were in love with me. And I was the happiest man in the world.”

“Well,” you start, squeezing his hand tighter. “Sorry to break it to you, but that wasn’t a dream.”

His smile widens. “Really?”

“Really,” you answer, brushing your lips over his.

He kisses you back, whispering, “Then I truly am the happiest man in the world.”

#eren fluff #eren jaeger fluff #Eren Yeager fluff #eren jaeger x you #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x female reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren x you #eren x reader #eren x y/n #aot fluff #attack on titan fluff #eren aot #requests #eren request #cw alcohol

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boringmarinn · 7 months ago

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Why do you ship Sans x Frisk? As a person who ships them myself, what do you see in them, like about them? Personality traits, situations, tropes etc, anything that comes to mind, what makes you enjoy them and continue to breathe life to them?

Omg ok sooo... When I realized I was already shipping Sans and Frisk, maybe because I love the trope of the funny ironic character who has secrets and the silent protagonist who have a lot of will and power. I also have a soft spot for monster x human interactions, relationships and seeing several AUs with the two of them was what made me like it even more.

I think I liked them visually because the sprites in the game are so cute and the same size and the colors match and so on. I also see Sans more as a teenager and Frisk as well so i almost always draw and write them close. Frisk have a lot of secrets that Sans knows about and vice versa, and both have this drama about fate, about powers that can destroy, judgment and guilt, responsibility and determination i found super interesting.

I absolute love the concept of Frisk being a "more than a simple human" thing, a deity, some powerful force that can be either benevolent or dangerous when in contrast with Sans that's "just a normal boss monster" or something like that. I'm in love with Frisk being a god what just wants to live a normal life, having a normal family and a happy life and find this wish coming true with their monster family, and they find love with that one monster who has kept his eye socket on them all this time, seeing the sweetness and love that they share.

I also love the angst in the forbidden love thing, like, monster and human love being a taboo...

Frisk It's a character that ended up growing in my hand while I was drawing and creating, so to speak. I didn't want to let Frisk become that cliché of cute and lovable, so she/they transformed a little too quickly hehe. Today It's very different and that adorable cover is just a disguise for the real Frisk. Which isn't a terrible evil being either, it's just harder to comprehend and morally gray. They're determined still, to being a better person and changing the order of things and changing fate.

Sans I don't even know where and how to start because he has been my main and if not my most intense and prolonged hyperfocus. I have a lot of fun writing and drawing it in many different ways, with my favorite being this ironic, calm and funny little guy, but who carries a huge weight on his shoulders for the people he loves, a guy who worries too much about simple things and is a bit anxious and uncertain about the future.

Soo... Well i think that's a lot of reasons people like them two. They're two little guys, they go around the time and space, (like sans can teleport in space and frisk teleports in time thats so cool aaaa) them both like papyrus and toriel very much, they two are poker faced deadpan funny faces

I find them fun and even more fun is seeing other talented artists in the community doing their own interpretations of them in such unique ways. I love seeing fans making content for fans and how the characters change drastically in each person's hands, it's beautiful

#sans x frisk #underground club au #marintalks #frans #thanks for the ask!!#I really wanted to write a text like this explaining things better #I feel lighter #thanks youu!!

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andthisisdia · 9 months ago

Text

🫧Hi🫧

Name: call me Dia💎

Age: I was born in 2002 and I'm too lazy to update my age every year💅

Nationality: Italian (English is not my first language so I might make some grammatical errors)

🏳️‍🌈: I'm a bisexual and demisexual/demiromantic girl (I use she/her pronouns)

MBTI: ENTJ (Don't stereotype me. I'm just really into doing things right and I like to have a plan for everything. I always try to find a solution to people's problems)

Something about me: I'm autistic and borderline 🪐 and I'm very extroverted, I like to socialize and meet new people. So if we have any interests in common, feel free to write to me🌌 (Read the continuation to find out more about me and what I post, it's important. Thank you)

(I made this edit using picsart stickers that represent my interests and something about me)

🎮Favorite video games:

•League of Legends (I play on the European server)

•Wildrift

•Valorant (I don't play it that much because I'm not very good)

•Overwatch

•Team Fortress 2 (my hyper fixation, I need to talk to other tf2 fans. I'm going crazy, I don't know who to talk to about it, I'm afraid of appearing boring to my friends who aren't fans😭😭😭)

•Life is strange (this game made me realize I'm not straight)

•Detroit Become Human

•Danganronpa (I discovered this thanks to tik tok during the pandemic. It was very trendy at the time)

•The last of us

•The Sims 3/4 (I never had the chance to play the previous ones)

🍿My favorite TV series are:

•Shameless

•Love, Death & Robots

•Bojack Horseman

•Arcane

•She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

•Ever After High

🎼Singers I like:

•Madison Beer

•Mitski

•Ariana Grande

•Ashnikko

•Kali Uchis

•Girl in Red

•Marina and the diamonds

•KDA ("Akali that girl, 'kali go grr 'Kali don't stop, 'kali don't skrt 'Kali got a job, 'kali go to work 뜨거워 언제나 don't get burnt" 🗣🗣🗣)

•Gorillaz

•Queen

•Molchat Doma

•Arctic Monkeys

•Mother Mother

•Jack Stauber

•Cavetown

•TV girl

•Bo Burnham

I actually listen to a lot of artists but I don't remember them all c:

🫧Things I like:

•Lost media

•Liminal space

•Dreamcore

•Nostalgiacore

•History of cinema (especially animated films)

•Psychology (and all other branches of this science. I also love anthropology and sociology)

•Travel and discover new places

•Everything that has to do with creativity (Drawing, writing stories and fanfiction, creating things like accessories for your clothes and such very cute things. I really admire people who can repaint dolls)

•Having fun (going out with my friends, watching films - if they're trashy films it's even better -, sending each other memes and tik tok videos and things like that)

🪷Hobby:

•Cosplay (Especially cosplaying my comfort characters)

•Drawing (I haven't drawn seriously since 2020. I'm waiting for inspiration)

•Collecting dolls (I love Monster High, Ever After High, Rainbow High and L.O.L O.M.G. I also collect Funko pops and figures from other brands. I also have many books and comics -which I have to finish reading because there are too many-)🧸

•Roleplay (Doing roleplay with me means that I have already organized the whole plot. But I also listen to the other person's ideas)

•Find out about the topics that interest me (Most of the time they have to do with culture. I'm a very curious person and I love to inform myself)

💿What I post on Tumblr:

•Things about my fandom

•Positivity (Especially mental health or pride posts about being a member of the LGBT community. Be yourself🌈Be unique)

•Aesthetics

•Vent

•My posts are tagged "Dia's post"

🦦Other random things:

•My favorite musicals are Heathers and Ride The Cyclone (the name of my blog is a mix between two of these songs)

•I'm terrible with numbers and sometimes I read the wrong words (I have a learning disability -be patient-)

•In my blog there are posts about Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss BUT IT'S NOT A SPECIAL INTEREST OF MINE. I recognize that they are two series with a lot of plot holes and nonsense. But it still reminds me of time spent with my friends. I actually like hearing people analyze and criticize it. I'm fond of the character of Vaggie and I like the ship between Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb but as I wrote before: it's no longer a special interest of mine. I am neutral towards them

•I'm an atheist

•I am very interested in the meaning (and world) of dreams

‼️ Sometimes I also reposted something related to when I feel down. Unfortunately I have a lot of trauma but I'm trying to move forward and get better‼️

🔞I'm a girl from 2002 so I have young adult maturity‼️I want to talk to people my own age. You can follow me if you like my "aesthetic fandom stuff" but i would like to talk to people my age🔞

🧜‍♀️Comfort characters:

•Jinx (League of legends/Arcane. She is my main and for certain things I see myself in her)

•Seraphine (League of Legends. didn't like her at first but I love her gameplay. And I think she has the best skins -along with Jinx, of course-)

•Evelynn (League of Legends. She's a Goddess)

•Chloe Price (Life is strange. She made me understand that I like women too. I love this punk)

•Sunset Shimmer (Equestria Girls. She is one of the few ENTJs to be a positive character. I really like how her character has evolved)

•Reagan Ridley (Inside Job. We are very similar in certain things)

•Entrapta (She ra. I love this chaotic neutral autistic scientist princess. Again, I see myself in her)

•Kotori Minami (Love Live! When I was in middle school this was my favorite anime)

•Dia Kurosawa (Love Live! Sunshine. Love Live is an anime that accompanied me as I grew up. I'm very fond of it)

❕️I'm looking for young adult people like me (young adult means being over 18 and under 30). I have no problem with NSFW (I prefer artistic nudity) and I have no problem with swearing. I have a certain maturity so I want to interact with people like that.❕️

‼️ This is my safe space🗣 SO DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU ARE: racist, homophobic, ableist, transphobic and against the LGBT community, do not interact if you are a pedophile and if you harm animals.Don't fetishize queer people. We are people, not nsfw categories. And don't romanticize the Mafia. Be kind and open-minded. Don't interact if you are against feminism (which I remind you, means gender equality), don't interact if you are people with ideas of hatred and discrimination. No ignorant people about mental health or what is happening in the world, because we are in 2024 and we need to have a minimum of culture. If you think abortion is murder, I would say you can also go elsewhere because I support women's rights and human rights in general. In general, don't interact if you are a person with bad ideas (that kind of bad ideas. Go away)‼️

🌟Talk to me if you are a normal person (and if you're nice and send funny memes. Or if you want to talk about some fandom in common or something. We can also play some video games together or talk about philosophical things like "what's the point of life?" or things like "do aliens exist?")🌟

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theodosiani · 14 days ago

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Bro once I finish this game I'm just gonna have SO Much Shit to write about Ghilan'nain. There is something incredible about those early memories when she's just joining the evanuris. Like the confirmation that her and Andruil do love each other and it's still terrible is just so wonderful for Me Specifically because I do see the two of them as incredibly manipulative women who probably started that relationship for their own purposes but did fall in love and it didn't fix them. It made Ghilan'nain worse, I very much play her as having always held issues with empathy but that while she was young she tried, because it was what was expected of her. Solas points out that she made beautiful things once, the halla most of all but she points out she didn't do so out of pleasure and she wouldn't do it again. She created for the people, and then she created for Andruil, and then she created for herself until the others realized that she was growing too powerful. I think it's very likely that if not for her love of Andruil that Ghilan'nain would have ended up a forgotten one. It's not outright Strength that makes her so dangerous either, I fully believe that had they the time the other evanuris could have struck her down but it would have been a slog. It would have been at the loss of many followers, the loss of their own benefits from her creatures and experiments, and it was just easier to placate her. She didn't want for much, a position to bring her more suvjects and her wife.

I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS--And this is my meandering feelings while I am succinctly halfway through the game so like, just be Prepared when I finish it lol.

#;ghilan'nain #;meta #;ghilan'nain headcanon #veilguard spoilers #datv spoilers #//This is why I haven't taken on any new ghilly threads yet but JUST Y'ALL WAIT #//I expect to finish the game by this weekend so Get Ready lol

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rhythmantics · 2 years ago

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what the FUCK do you mean you wrote two of the best prototype fics AND drew some of the best art. illegal

seriously though i am in love with your characterisation, especially of all three mercer siblings. frankly your version of dr mercer is the best ive seen in the entire fandom lmao

Thank you! I'm really glad you're enjoying that terrible bastard of a man. Dr. Mercer enjoyers unite. We love this evil skinny twink

Thoughts about Mercer sibling characterization + themes of the game (under a cut because it's VERY LONG):

The thing I try to stress when writing Doc Mercer (hereto referred to as "Xander") is that yes, he is a narcissistic, vain, arrogant bastard of a man, generally irredeemable, with extremely loose and/or nonexistent morals and a terrible personality.

However, [PROTOTYPE] is a game where most of the characters are some level of fucking awful and monstrous, but their motivations are still explored, and sometimes even still justified. I mean, Alex eats people. Randall was on his way to nuke Manhattan. Blackwatch regularly laughs at being able to murder innocent civilians. A powerful moment in some of the WOI's is Blackwatch gleefully discussing killing people, while the visuals show a camp on a rooftop where the survivors have written a big "NOT INFECTED" in a bid to not be murdered by Blackwatch.

Still, there's nuance there. Alex may grow a conscience and save New York, but he's still, you know, a walking viral apocalypse that both eats people and enjoys it/thinks it feels "right." Blackwatch murders all the people they want, but at the end of the day, they ARE the line that stands between humanity and viral apocalypse. And Randall might even be justified in nuking Manhattan if it means taking Alex out, because - you know - walking viral apocalypse (and for all Randall knows, ZEUS only killed Elizabeth to establish his dominance as hive queen supreme). I don't see why Doc Mercer should be exempt from that nuance, but he so very often is.

So that as my starting point, what do we know about Doc Mercer? Well, mostly from the PRIMA guide, we have his backstory. This backstory is so hilariously awful that I legitimately don't think I'd believe you if you told me he wasn't supposed to be sympathetic.

Xander's mom is thrown in jail right after he's born, no other family is willing/able to take him in, so he's thrust into the foster care system (no father is EVER mentioned, ever)

To make matters worse, Dana's bio mentions that she moved "to New York" to follow her brother, implying that they aren't NY-born, which further implies that they're from NEW FUCKING JERSEY LOL (it's only like, an hour's bus away from Columbia U, where Xander went to college)

Xander is kicked around foster care system like a hot potato until mom is released from jail. Seems like she either got pregnant right at the end of her stint, or right as she got out; he's 10 when she regains custody of him, but 9 when Dana is born.

Dana's bio says "[Xander] was the only parent figure Dana ever knew." It also said their mother had "drinking problems." Xander raised Dana to the degree that she literally doesn't even see her mom as a parent.

"For [Xander], foster care was better." Yikes. That's definitely an implication of abuse (if the parentification weren't enough). What kind of abuse? Well, they're often bundled together, but we can make a Strong Case for extreme violence at minimum, given the following:

What was mom in jail for? A 9-year sentence implies a second-degree crime, which, uh... take your pick: aggravated assault, aggravated arson, theft of an item more than 75k$, armed burglary or burglary that results in injury or threats of injury, unlawful possession of a firearm, sexual assault. Yikes

Bio outright describes it as living in "abject poverty," so with the fact that he was LITERALLY the only parent Dana knew (a role he was forced into starting at the age of TEN), as soon as he was legally able, he probably had to take on a job in addition to school and childrearing.

Given the "abject poverty" angle, I find it doubtful that he was able to leave home until he graduated, especially given that a commute from Jersey to Columbia U could be as short as an hour. Since he graduated from his PhD at the age of 24, that means he was Dana's parent until she was fifteen. 3/4 of her life by the time of the game.

Needs to be stressed: this man changed her diapers, warmed up her formula, cooked meals for her, helped her with homework, taught her sex-ed and what puberty was, helped her get her first job, taught her how to apply for college. He is, for all intents and purposes, Dana's father. (Put a pin in that!)

Like... holy shit! This is a sympathetic character! I don't know how anyone would be able to read that in isolation and not feel bad for this guy. I mean, this is a person who has literally ALL the trauma. Like, he's in the 99th percentile of worst childhoods in America. This boy has collected PTSDs like they are pokemon.

The PRIMA guide literally says that, at the end of all that, he "trusted no one, had no friends, cared less and less what others thought of him," and was an "impatient, dark, tortured person" with a history of burning bridges. "Forever paranoid," "morally ambiguous," and "teetering on the border of sociopathy" are also used to describe him, and - yeah, of course! I mean, did you SEE his backstory? Holy shit.

And what really fascinates me about this is that, even under those circumstances? He was probably the best parent he could have been to Dana. She literally sees him as one, stuck around NYC for five years because he was just that important to her, and trusts and cares for him so deeply that she's willing to risk her life for him/willing to forgive Alex ranting about how eating people "feels right."

Some people argue that he was using Dana as a pawn, or manipulating her, etc. etc., and I really dislike this take (though, of course, everyone's entitled to their own HCs etc., especially because a lot of the PRIMA stuff was clearly rewritten by the time of the game's release). First, I think that a working college girl with a fiery personality like Dana would not have stuck around for FIVE YEARS if she didn't feel like Xander deserved it - and given that he was also ghosting her for those five years, any manipulation he had her under would have worn off. Like, it's REALLY HARD to gatekeep gaslight girlboss someone if you're no-contact with them. Also, are you trying to tell me that an eleven-year-old boy was looking at a literal 2 year old going "yes... I will raise her to trust me absolutely... as a tool for me to use in the future... and then completely ignore her calls for 5 years!" C'mon.

But the second, and more important, reason I don't agree with that take is that I feel like it strips Dana of agency and reduces her to this almost damsel-like role. Nah, man, even if Xander was not her brother/dad, she would have risked her life to help him out. Why? Because she's a fucking anarcho-socialist journalism student, that's why!

Her PRIMA bio is really interesting in that regard; I feel like the game didn't show off well enough just how awesome Dana actually is. She's studying journalism at NYU. You may have heard that her job is "writing tabloids," but that's such a simplification/misunderstanding of the text! We actually have the titles of the publications she writes for, and they are: "Everything You Know Is Wrong", "Bathsheba", and "The Military/Industrial Complex Report." Even just from that small glimpse (and the fact that she calls Blackwatch "goose-stepping motherfuckers"), I think it's evident that she's got some deeply anti-government, anti-military, anti-fascist beliefs.

Furthermore, Dana is like... kind of a terrible person. Here's a great excerpt from her bio that I feel like isn't talked about enough (emphasis mine):

"She owes money all over town, and somehow manages to sweet talk friends into lending her more. She's a hustler, good at manipulating people. Like her brother, she's narcissistic and evasive. When she doesn't like someone she'll go out of her way to make sure they know it - particularly if they push the point. She's disrespectful, foul-mouthed, and not afraid of a fight. This all serves her well when she's neck-deep in a story, but in real life, her kind of behavior only makes her one thing: enemies. In short, she's her brother's sister."

Guys, I am not normal about that last sentence. It's phrased the same way as "she's her mother's daughter" or "she's her father's son." Like. Oh my god, Xander is basically her dad.

But back on topic: Dana is characterized as a BADASS BITCH who doesn't take shit from ANYBODY and is ALREADY anti-government. She literally calls the Blackwatch shit "the story of the century." She would have taken that case on even if it weren't her brother presenting it to her, no manipulation necessary.

AND she knew the risks. I've seen it argued that Xander's to blame for "tricking" her into investigating something that put her life in danger, but I think that's unfair to him. First, I think Blackwatch would've investigated and/or disappeared Dana either way, given how trigger-happy they are. Second, she knew the risks - that's why she was using her friend's penthouse apartment as a safehouse. She was prepared to risk her life for this story; BW just moved faster than she anticipated and ambushed her at her apartment.

(And, also, like, just as an aside, we don't know if she had permission to be in her friend's place, and given her PRIMA bio, she probably didn't, like she just full-on broke into her friend's really nice apartment LOL probably even chose the friend with the nicest digs LOL)

This also serves as such an interesting glimpse into not only her and her brother's relationship, but her brother's characterization. We already know that Xander possesses good social skills to some degree, given that he has a girlfriend who was willing to risk her life for him (she went back to the lab to get something for him, which is how she got caught - let's ignore for now the ethics of dating his subordinate); he also climbed the ranks at his job, rising to Associate Director (McMullen's direct subordinate) sometime within only five years.

Dana's bio, however, confirms it. Every description of her personality becomes associated with Xander with the phrase "she's her brother's sister." Xander is a hustler; he's manipulative and gets people to do what he wants. Xander is evasive, disrespectful, and lets people feel it when he doesn't like them. Xander makes enemies. BUT.

Even in the midst of all that - his paranoia, the fact that he's having a freak-out because his coworkers are being "silenced," and that he ghosted Dana for five years in an effort to leave the past behind him... who does he trust to have his back? Dana. I need you guys to understand. He doesn't go to Dana because she's an easy tool for him to manipulate. He goes to Dana because he's scared for his life and she is the only person he trusts. I think there's a reason Alex latches onto her when he learns she exists, and part of it is definitely because the scaffold he's built on, the original Dr. Mercer, viewed Dana as unconditionally trustworthy. The feeling is mutual.

And just in case you needed some sort of in-game proof? He has at LEAST two photos of Dana on his foyer wall. Legit. Go back and rewatch that cutscene when Alex walks into Xander's apartment. He has 2-3 photos of Karen... and 2-3 photos of Dana. He's been ghosting Dana, but he keeps photos of her on his wall, where he sees them every day, right next to where he works. One of the Dana photos is also the only photo that Xander is not in. I just... he loves his sister. He's just too mentally ill to be normal about it and keep in contact.

So, we have here pretty much Xander's ONLY redeeming quality: cares about his sister! That's it. That's all he's got. Let's talk about some other irredeemable stuff.

So far, I've talked a lot about the PRIMA guide, but now I'm going to talk about what's in the actual game, because it's quite interesting, and I don't think all of it made it into the fandom zeitgeist. It's too bad, because this one major fact really adds a shitton of nuance to this character:

Xander was out of the loop.

Xander did not know anything about Hope, Idaho. Xander did not know that Blackwatch existed. Xander didn't even fucking know that his human test subjects were deliberately infected. Within day one, Alex knows more about the conspiracy surrounding Blacklight than Xander ever did. And we know exactly how much he knew about the virus because he mailed Dana a laptop containing everything he was able to find, and it pretty much got as far as "MOTHER is named Elizabeth Greene" and "Hope, Idaho existed...?" We have a WOI where Randall expresses concern over even giving Xander access to MOTHER, and a WOI where Xander is pissed the hell off when he finds out that their human subjects were not naturally infected. He didn't know!

That suddenly casts his role in Blacklight's production in a much less nefarious light. Look at this job from Xander's point of view: You're a 24 year old who completed an 8-year college run (undergrad and PhD) in six years, WHILE raising a teenage girl and probably while working, too. At graduation, you get offered this insanely cushy job, with a threat that you'll be blacklisted from the industry if you refuse (this literally happened to Dr. Ragland, according to his PRIMA bio). It's a top-secret government job. The government's not great, but you have loose morals, and it can't possibly be worse than Albert Einstein building the atom bomb. So. Whatever.

(On top of that, they're already lying to you abour what the project's purpose is. Xander states he "didn't know" what he was working on until he "figured it out," and there's a WOI where one employee raves that the virus could be used to cure every disease on earth. It seems there was a general vibe that they were probably working bio-weapons, but no one knew FOR SURE, and a contributor to Xander's meltdown is the fact that his research results just... vanish. He doesn't know what they're being used for.)

Plus, holy shit, the pay. Xander is making, like, seven figures by the time he's 29. He lives in an apartment on the Upper East Side (where Gossip Girl takes place lol). The average price for a one-bedroom there is, like, 4000$ a month. This man spent 24 years in brutal poverty; the money matters to him.

On top of that, the stuff they're doing at GENTEK? Of course, it's stomach-turning, but it wouldn't clock as inherently unethical. Xander's fury at learning that MOTHER was a test subject, and not naturally infected (as he's been led to believe), implies that they were NOT infecting people at GENTEK. The bodies we see in WOI, their test subjects, were already infected by the time they got there, supplied to GENTEK with a cover story, that the virus was one they'd found naturally, and that these people - whose brains were fried by the virus - were just unlucky victims of random happenstance. Furthermore, making viruses more dangerous is legitimate virology. It's called "gain-of-function" experimentation, and while it is controversial (for obvious reasons), it's still something you would potentially be doing at an above-board lab.

That means that, prior to Penn Station, the worst Xander can be accused of is being a bootlicker, class traitor, who knowingly worked on WMDs for the US government. And yeah, that is monstrously evil, and Albert Einstein is a monster by that metric, but it's a level of evil that's matched or surpassed by almost every other character in the game. Dana and Ragland are the two exceptions, maybe Karen too, depending on whether you think her low hierarchical position absolves her of any sin. McMullen and everyone at Blackwatch are all more culpable than Xander. They're the ones giving him orders - he's the low man on the totem pole!

And his reaction upon realizing how deep the rabbit hole goes? It's not asking to join up with the evil side. It's not going out to do a terrorism (even if that's how it ends up). It's blowing the whistle. His first instinct is to go to his sister, the anti-government, anti-military journalism student. And as he spirals into panic and anxiety, it's to escape the city, while warning someone - probably Dana - to "get out of there". Even McMullen says, when Alex confronts him, "you were always so smart. You were ready to give up all our secrets. [...] We were trying to figure it out -- you just wanted to bring it all down." The class traitor was about to redeem himself. His motivations might still be selfish - to punish the people who lied to him, to save his own ass - but he's not a cartoon villain.

It's only after he's cornered, staring down guns, realizing that all his efforts were futile, possibly even realizing that Dana is next, that he smashes the vial. AND EVEN THEN... I think we're supposed to understand why he did it. Not sympathize, necessarily, but... look at his life. Abandonment, abuse, parentification. Skipping meals to make sure Dana can eat. Running on a sleep deficit because homework has to be done after helping Dana with hers after coming home from work after going to school. His wealth and girlfriend are hollow victories when he can't trust people enough to make friends. He loves his sister, enough to keep her photos on his foyer wall, but can't bear engaging with her as an adult on equal footing. He thought he'd finally caught a break, only for it to turn out to be a death trap from the start. Yes, choosing to smash the vial was an irredeemable action, a selfish, vindictive, and evil choice; however, I don't think he could have chosen differently. Dr. Mercer was not necessarily intended to be a sympathetic character (although he was), but he was certainly, bare-minimum, intended to be a tragic one.

It seems like the game went through several rewrites, and those rewrites confuse a pretty major plot beat: does the virus Xander releases at Penn Station burn itself out, or does it go on to become the main virus on the streets of Manhattan? This question, and where you personally fall on it, is really important. And that's because... if the virus burns itself out in Penn Station (which apparently the writer confirmed on Twitter, but there's evidence in the game to suggest the opposite), then that means Xander has one of the lowest body counts in the game.

Yeah, you heard me. Let's say the virus burns itself out in Penn Station. How many people would that even be? A few thousand? In 2009, Penn Station served about 300,000 people per day. That is really busy, but obviously, not all of those people - or even a majority of those people - are going to be in the station at any given time. It's probably a number around four digits. Um, how many people does Alex kill over the course of the game, again? Obviously, the in-game kill counts can't exactly be trusted, because you can rack up millions depending on how much you fuck around, but it's generally agreed that he's in the tens of thousands, between all the military bases he destroys, civilians he eats, and soldiers he cuts through. Randall has been confirmed to have ordered the glassing of both Hope, Idaho, AND Two Bluff, Arizona, with an attempt on Manhattan. (Cross also mentions a Kentucky in one of the cut lines, implying there's more cities and casualties than we even know about.) There are 1.6 million people living in Manhattan in 2009, so Randall was about to kill, like, a thousand times more people than Xander.

It also means he never put Dana in danger. If it's a virus that burns out on its own, he - the person whose work was "years ahead of his nearest competitor" - would know that it wouldn't reach her. And it would make sense if it burns out, too, because it's a bio-weapon. Not a great bio-weapon if it causes a a whole-ass apocalypse! And I also don't think it's fair to blame Xander for Alex letting Elizabeth Greene out of her cage, because by that point, 1) Xander is dead, 2) Dana sent Alex there, 3) Alex is a fully sapient and independent being who is not under Xander's orders because Xander is dead. I mention this because I've literally run into people who believe that the virus burned itself out at Penn Station, BUT ALSO that Xander releasing the vial directly put Dana in danger of infection AND that Elly's rampage is somehow his fault. You can't have it both ways!

That's actually why I don't believe that the virus burned itself out. Narratively and thematically, it's much better if Xander did release his virus knowing that it might cause a full-on apocalypse. That does make it so that he risked his sister's life (although you can argue that he figured she was as good as dead, anyways, given that they'd tracked him down - I don't, since I think he was too busy panicking and being sleep-deprived to be thinking about that), and it DOES make the entire ensuing tragedy his fault. And the reason that this is important is because of Xander's role as a "father" to Alex.

Here's something else that's important to note, which I often see overlooked: Alex places the blame on the shoulders of Randall, not Xander. "You bastard," he says after he's eaten Randall. "You could have stopped all this - you let it happen." Meanwhile, here's what he actually says about Xander: "what Mercer did is beyond forgiveness," and at the end of the game, "Alex Mercer. This city suffered for his mistakes, for what he did at Penn Station. And whoever he was - that's a part of me." We aren't supposed to think he's unilaterally evil without nuance. Pretty much everyone, Alex included, has done things "beyond forgiveness" in this game. We're instead supposed to ponder what it means to be derived from his stock.

What is Alex's characterization? To be frank, Alex is a dumbass baby. I know that this is not necessarily popular, but I genuinely believe that it's intentional. There are literally cut lines from the very first mission that REALLY drive home that this poor guy has NO IDEA what's going on. Begging people to stop shooting at him, thinking to himself "where's a place with a lot of people?" (honey, you're in NYC), and generally going "what was that? how did this happen? what's going on? what? huh? what?"

There's also needing Ragland to suggest to him the novel idea of breaking both spines on the leader hunters, and following Phone Voice into a death trap, and then still listening to Phone Voice a second time, not to mention how awkwardly he shrugs his way out of Karen Parker's hug, or how he's constantly pushing himself all the way into Dana's personal space/startling her/disappearing while no one's watching. There's a point where his brilliant plan for getting McMullen to land is to disable some infection detectors... while standing ankle-deep in biomass... looking up at McMullen. He's just, ah, ehm... not the sharpest tool in the shed. If you replay the game with that in mind, it... yeah. I mean. His first instinct upon being attacked by helicopters is to go up onto the roof of a building, where he is surprised by... more helicopters. Who left this child unattended? Where are your guardians.

I know I'm exaggerating - Alex does show remarkable flexibility and adaptability and on-the-fly problem-solving sometimes - but when the PRIMA bios and McMullen repeatedly stress that Xander is clever, manipulative, a schemer, a hustler, "so smart," it really highlights how... straightforward Alex is in comparison. You cannot tell me that Alex, as he's presented in-game, is "a lateral thinker - plans within plans."

And the interesting thing is, this actually seems like a fairly late-stage change! The original PRIMA guide blurb for "The Prototype" seems to suggest that he is actually an amnesiatic Dr. Mercer, not a wholly separate entity. It goes on and on about how "The Prototype" is cool, calm, dry and witty, always in control of his body, etc. etc., but that really doesn't match the in-game characterization at all (he's consistently characterized as awkward, unsure of himself), meaning that I think this is more proof that a characterization as "fucking idiot dumbass baby" was intentional.

Sampling of cut voice lines:

"Ghost Twelve, Ghost Twelve... oh, shit, that's my callsign..."

"Aw, I hate D-Codes..."

"They think I'm dead. Perfect. I can't wait to see the look on McMullen's face."

"I need to get somewhere with a lot of people... somewhere where they can't just keep firing at me."

"Where is there a lot of fucking people? Where?" (girliepop you live in NEW YORK)

"Just remember! This was your idea!"

like. cmon, man.

That being said, Alex is not innocent. He starts the game without a conscience, easily and effortlessly killing people, instinctively eating them, too. He's quite literally built upon two existing minds - the people-eating virus, and the sociopathic misanthrope. I think this is why he defaults to shoving people and has no option to put them down gently - he's filled with Xander's rage, his hatred, and his casual cruelty. One of his earliest lines is this: "revenge was the only clear thought in my head. The only one I could call mine." LITTLE DOES HE KNOW. He continues. "I wanted to find out what happened to me. The reason. Someone to blame. Someone I could punish."

And now we get into a major theme of the game, my thesis: [PROTOTYPE] is about family. It's about nature vs. nurture, it's about the cycle of abuse, and it's about how the people who raise us, shape us. Xander is the "father" of this story; he's consistently placed in that role relative to Dana, and Alex directly inherits his genetics, his appearance, his name, and even his initial personality from him. And as for the mother... there is literally a character in the game named MOTHER.

Alex is, in a very literal way, the child of Xander and Elizabeth Green. He was born out of a fusion of their DNA - the virus infecting Xander's body. Elizabeth also literally says "I am your MOTHER" in their first meeting. And as if that weren't enough, Elizabeth's relationship to Alex directly mirrors Xander's relationship with his own mother: the first thing Elizabeth does is abandon Alex, and when she returns, it's only to threaten Dana's safety and torment him. Xander himself becomes a mirror to his own absent father, disappearing before he ever got to know his son. This is the cycle of abuse, the tragedy that occurs when someone who was abused becomes trapped by it, and has no ability to operate outside its confines, perpetuating the pain that was inflicted upon them.

However... something's different. Alex is not left alone to suffer like Xander does. He has Dana - a parental figure who loves him unconditionally, whom he loves unconditionally in turn. And she is the impetus for his ability to change, the one who most directly molds his burgeoning consciousness. His interactions with Dana are brief, but even in those brief interaction, she teaches him empathy ("my god, [Elizabeth]'s just a girl. What kind of fucking monsters are these people?"), kindness/mercy ("whoa, whoa, whoa. [Ragland]'s a good guy"), and trust ("look, no matter what, you're still my brother"). Let's go back to our pin. Xander is Dana's "father" also... and he was the best one she could have had, given the circumstances. Dana represents breaking the cycle. Dana represents Xander's single redeeming quality.

In other words... the key difference between Alex and Xander is that Alex has an adult figure in Dana that he can trust and rely upon, something Xander never had... because Xander was that for Dana. Xander broke the cycle. That's the one good thing he managed to do.

Now, we know that lots of rewrites happened, that final boss stuff got shifted around, and things got moved into a sequel hook, like Dana's fate or PARIAH's whole deal. However, I think we can almost piece together what it might have been if we follow this thematic line of thinking. Because here's something quite interesting: PARIAH... is in foster care. A child who kills everything he touches, abandoned and trapped, a monster, whose only use is as an agent of evolution, a direct parallel for Xander at his worst - this tortured man who "found solace only in his work", for whom foster care was better, who teetered on sociopathy and didn't care. Randall represents the government, the system, that put him there - the first ones to ever screw Xander over. So if we assume that the final boss was originally PARIAH, and Alex still needs to eat his way through Elizabeth and Randall to get to him, then an incredibly interesting thing happens when we view that sequence of events from this thematic perspective.

Alex would triumph over MOTHER, the government, and Xander's worst. The crystallization of the fleeting love within Xander's heart - the one redeeming facet of Xander's personality - would overcome his abusive mother, the cold-hearted system that forsook him, and even his own worst traits, the monster he was molded into. Quite literally, love would win. And I think this would have even tied in to curing Dana - that this would become a major facet of Alex's motivation - that he'd need PARIAH in order to cure her, or something like that. Dana - kindness, empathy, and love, breaking the cycle of abuse - becomes the impetus for Alex to change, to become a better person, to grow a conscience, to trust others. I think that's the central theme of this game.

Xander's shadow looms large over the entirety of [PROTOTYPE]'s story. There are more themes than just family, but it's the one I wanted to highlight, because I think it's the one most central, most core to the game's emotional experience. At every turn, you can feel the ghost of Xander - not just because Alex is literally wearing his corpse.

I'll restate here the relevant parts of Alex's closing monologue:

"I looked for the truth. Found it. Didn't like it. Wish to hell I could forget it. Alex Mercer. This city suffered for his mistakes, for what he did at Penn Station. And whoever he was - that's part of me."

Xander is Alex's father - the person from whom he inherited his base nature. But Alex is able to grow beyond that - to trust others, to love others.

"What have I become? Something less than human. But also something more."

Xander was so tormented by his past, by his abandonment, neglect, and abuse, that he was unable to face his sister. Terrified of the pain of abandonment, he chose to abandon her rather than risk being rejected when she became an adult. And yet, he loved his sister. That's the nuance of this character, the legacy he leaves. One of cruelty, but also one of kindness. Both are inherited by Alex - it's fair to say that everything Alex is has been shaped by Xander, his father. The bad... but also the good. And it is because of that miniscule, faltering, fleeting "good" that Xander was able to procure, that Alex is able to rise above what Xander became.

TL;DR: It would be appropriate, both narratively and thematically, to call Xander "daddy".

#prototype 2009 #[prototype]#alex mercer #alexander james mercer #alexander j mercer #dana mercer #general randall #sure hope that rambling mess was coherent to somebody

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tobys-art-stuff · 1 month ago

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Hi! Could I please ask 2, 8 and 12 for the Tiger & Bunny ask game? 🩷

Absolutely, thank you so much for the ask!! 🩷

I’m terribly sorry if this is too much writing, I tried to limit how much I wrote! 🙏

#2 I’m not too sure on my third favourite character, but I know for certain my top two favourites. Subaru’s my favourite, Ivan’s my second favourite, and I think my third favourite’s Keith!

Subaru’s my favourite character specifically because of the English dubbed. When I watched it in Japanese I still really liked him, but I liked how much more sassy, and hilarious he was in English. I think I liked him so much after watching the English version because of how talented his VA is, I really do think he did a fantastic job. I also think his wild emotionality and strong desire to do anything to help others was a factor. I like Origami so much specially because of early season one. I thought it was really funny seeing him sneak around in the background when it was in no way necessary. Ivan’s also a character that gets along with all the heroes, like we don’t really see him have any issues with the others. Sure he argues with Antonio in the one episode (he has a good reason) but it’s resolved in the same episode. It didn’t take him time to be nice to people he just was, unlike characters such as Subaru and Thomas who had issues with each other for a considerable amount of time in season 2 or early season one Barnaby and Kotetsu when they kept telling their employers that they couldn’t work together. Ivan’s just sweet and I really like his power as well. I like Keith because of how caring he is. He’s the definition of a golden retriever character, he’s the kindest character in the show. Also he named his dogs John and JohnJohn, that’s fantastic! I also think about the FireSky episode a lot and that’s probably part of the reason why I like him so much. He was so sweet to Nathan, he took time off work to think about how to be a better partner and make Nathan feel less exhausted. His opening line to that conversation was hilarious but it was honestly the cutest and most genuine showing of how much they care about each other. Anyway he’s just such a sweet character and I really like him. Sorry if I’m not very good at explaining things!

#8 I like pretty much all ships of Buddy heroes except for OrigamiRock just because I see them as brothers, (no hate to anyone that does! I just personally don’t ship them) but I specifically like Taibani (Kotetsu x Barnaby), Mr. Thomas (Thomas x Subaru), and FireSky (Keith x Nathan).

I like Taibani because of how much Kotetsu cares for Barnaby and vice versa, the whole “you have pretty long eyelashes” scene, Barnaby being convinced Kotetsu can do no wrong, how Barnaby was able to open up to Kotetsu, Barnaby learning how to cook fried rice because it’s Kotetsu’s favourite dish, etc. I like Mr. Thomas because they remind me of season one Taibani, and I find it funny that Thomas actually wanted to be Subaru’s partner (shown in the official comic) and then Subaru said he didn’t know if Thomas was good enough to be his partner and all they were gonna be was business partners, and then from that point on Thomas was bitchy to him. And I ship FireSky because they’re just genuinely so sweet to each other and they’re so cute. Nathan saying that Keith is completely perfect, them going on runs together, cooking together, calling each other, etc. I also thought their episode was the cutest thing to ever exist.

#12 Season 2 Ouroboros, like with the twins Fugan and Mugan.

I really really love the twins, they’re my favourite villains. I think their backstory was really interesting, and really sad actually. That one scene where it was a flashback to Fugan and Mugan lying in bed and talking about how they think the reason the old man’s getting them to kill heroes is because Ouroboros is making him, hurts me. Especially since the flashback happens when Fugan has multiple broken bones and still wants to continue fighting because him and his brother both don’t want the boss to get mad at the old man. They love their dad so much and their dad love them so much. They make me so sad.

Thank you again for the ask, I really appreciate it!!

#ask game #tiger & bunny

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randomnameless · 5 months ago

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why don't you want jurgdral remakes? are you afraid they will be localised like fodlan games or modified like shadows of valentia?

Mmh...

Lolcalisation aside, I'd say the biggest thing I'm dreading with those remakes is IS' (if FEH is any indication) willingness to retcon those older games to, I suppose, make them more "trendy" or approchable for a "modern audience".

Sure, FEH might goof here and there, but take the "Miccy founded the DB" take - it's present at least in more than one unit so imo, it's no goof at all, what is it supposed to mean? That a Miccy who is only a person who joins an existing group because she embraces their ideals and thus puts them above her own "need" to hide her existence, as a Branded, is not as... bankable as a Miccy who forms her own ragtag group of randoms to fight against Daein, giving hints at her later role as the leader of the Daein army?

I've ranted enough about IS retconning Lyon and Magvel in general (tfw Eph was caught by Grado lel) but it follows the same pattern, OG!Lyon (and FE8 in general) falls because of his very human and earthly desires - he might have ideals and all, but at the end of the day, he falls because of his love and adoration/obsession for the twins and that is something he cannot fight against - FEH!Lyon sassing Fomortiis is just, no. Fomortiis always has the last laugh in FE8 (at least with Lyon and even, I'd say with the playable cast because, again, his soul isn't erased, he is stuck again in a shiny rock, just like what happened in the lore, and led to Lyon's possession. Who can be sure that in 800 years after Ephraim's adventures, L'Arachel's descendant won't be seduced by Fomortiis' power and free him from his shiny rock, like Lyon did?).

FE15 is its own thing lol - but there is a possibility for Jugdral to be pissed on like Magvel and Tellius were in FEH, and I guess, for any Jugdral fan that's terrible.

Sure, FEH seems to treat Jugdral verse with, uh, careful consideration but hey - if the Ayra wanking is any indication, even Jugdral isn't immune to retcons to make a popular character even more #badass, plot be damned.

Add some eggtivation here'n'there, and I wouldn't be surprised if we had some NPCs or even characters in support dialogues explaining how major holy blooded people aren't always better in the domain corresponding to their holy blood than non HB people because non HB people can bypass their lack of dragon blood with hard work - completely pissing on this core Jugdralian mechanic that was translated in FE4's gameplay by weapon rank.

Is it gatekeeping? idk.

For me, it's just that I fell in Jugdral Hell some years ago (nearly a decade!) and despite its defaults, I still like this verse very much so I'd like a remake that is as faithful as possible to that thing I came to know all those years ago, maybe to exchange with new (and non new lol) fans about that verse!

But if we get, idk, a very #badass Deedee who doesn't, idk, mind killing a kid or two to show how #girlboss she is, well, for me, that wouldn't be Jugdral at all, but some sort of adaptation using those characters but writing them OOC.

Of course I can't say I have a better reading and take on those characters as IS themselves, but after seeing A!Mareeta's FB where she is supposed to be at her best/peak performance, and IS still wrote her to be "below" Ayra in terms of ability when Mareeta's Major Holy Blood means her skills with the blade are naturally superior to her "great aunt" 's skills I still think there's something that's missing.

It's as if we had Reinhardt throw better spells/be stronger at Thunder Magic than Peak!Ishtar, or worse, Azelle on a pony teaching FE5!Saias how to throw fire spells.

It's just, not possible in the Jugdral verse, because Jugdral verse is pretty inequitable and major HB people are cheat codes compared to minor HB people or non HB people. Now with that being said, the story is about what those people with magic blood that are cheat codes do and if they use their powers for good or stupid things. It's not about Midayle finally showing Aidean that his skills with a bow are superior to her sister's so now, he is finally strong enough to protect her from Verdane ruffians.

But after Fodlan's false "yeah but crests aren't the alpha and omega and yet i'm never going to tell you what they do because otherwise my excuse for worldbuildling falls apart", I wouldn't be surprised if Jamke, in a support, would teach Bridget how to use a bow.

So yeah, it's better not to have any remakes.

#anon #replies #jugdral stuff #jugdral nonsense #FE4 #FE5 #Heroes salt #rather IS salt #Fodlan's worldbuilding is a sandcastle #but it's heavily implied dragon blood makes people more able at magic given how dragons themselves use advanced forms of it #or at least grants humans the possibility to use more advanced magic #but that's only suggested and never straight out explained #we have the Gautier issue about needing to defend the border #but relics and crested people aren't in gameplay as threatening to face compared to Jugdral's HW #remember Blume and Mjolnir or Ishtar? Hell even Ares?#in Fodlan you'd think people fear Dimitri because he is Dimitri and not because he fights with his relic in Tailtean

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film-in-my-soul · 4 months ago

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maybe it's time | 1,512 | gurlsrool

Summary: “I think I…” he bites his bottom lip and looks at Maple and the leftover blueberry pie on the counter and the quilt thrown over the couch and Lardo’s painting on the wall and says, “I think I’m going to marry him someday.”

The One With the Blackout | 1,693 | orphan_account

Summary: There's a power outage in Providence, and Bitty is trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jack freakin' Zimmermann. Who, as it turns out, is not there to mug him.

Stripped Down, Unplugged | 1,912 | orphan_account

Summary: The bylaws stood strong for eight years before Jack Zimmermann and his crew got Cute.

(see more recommendations below!)

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Summary: Jack has no game when it comes to Bittle. It's a good thing Bad Bob's around to give his son a helpful shove in the right direction.

Four Times Jack Failed at Flirting With Bittle (And One Time He Wasn't Terrible At It) | 2,167 | somehowunbroken / @somehowunbroken

Summary: Jack's got this flirting thing down. Or, no, wait. No, he totally doesn't.

Perpetual Motion | 2,332 | annundriel / @annundriel

Summary: Bittle thinks he’s joking at first, when Jack offers to take a selfie with him.

Every Now and Then | 2,432 | sunfair / @northerndownpour

Summary: Eric Bittle is a successful pop-country recording artist. Jack is an NHL player and a big fan.

Dares You to Change | 2,763 | PorcupineGirl

Summary: Jack has imagined this moment so many times. The reality is so much harder. "Zimmboni, you have friend here to visit! Out in hall." Tater exclaims as he comes into the locker room. "He says is from college?"

make this house a home | 2,805 | bleep0bleep / @bleep0bleep

Summary: With the prospect of an empty Haus for Thanksgiving, Jack invites Bitty over to his new place in Providence. As friends, of course.

brought to you by | 2,971 | HalfFizzbin / @halffizzbin

Summary: Jack Zimmermann is the new face of the franchise. Unfortunately.

All the Love in the World | 3,005 | alocalband / @alocalband

Summary: Bitty’s hands are shaking. He has five missed calls from Jack, two from Chowder, one from Lardo, and an astronomical number of yet to be viewed text messages. It’s not that he hasn’t been checking his phone, it’s that every time he’s picked it up at an alert, all he’s been able to do is stare at it. Which is what he’s doing now, as he waits for his mother to finish speaking with the doctor at Coach’s bedside.

Passing Notes | 4,189 | marswithghosts

Summary: Jack Zimmermann is charming, and Bitty enjoys the way he writes the B in Bittle. He knows he’s being stupid, but his life consists of seventh graders and baking pies; he’s allowed to have a little bit of a fantasy.

the slow pace of geologic time | 4,258 | westernredcedar / @thewesternredcedar

Summary: Jack looks at her and then puts her luggage down and leans in, grabs her into a full-body hug, right there on the sidewalk, holding her so close. She can’t remember when he last hugged her this hard. “He told his parents. About being gay. About us,” he says into her shoulder. “They were awful.”

through the crowd | 4,488 | kirkaut / @kirkaut

Summary: The notification sound isn’t the one that he’s got assigned to Jack, which is why he doesn’t feel any panic when Holster hums an agreement and leans over to peer at Bitty’s phone screen. At least, not until Holster says his name in the tone of a person with a slowly growing suspicion. “Bitty,” he says, very expectantly. “Who is ‘Good Robert’, and why is he blowing up your phone?”

Maple-Flavored Pie Hearts | 4,842 | ofherlionheart / @theonesyouthinkyoulove

Summary: “Well, if you’re making people breakfast now, I’m more than happy to accept,” Shitty says brightly, hoping to cajole a smile out of Jack. Jack smacks away Shitty’s hand when he tries to steal some bacon. “I’m not,” Jack says, scowling. “I’m teaching that freshman how to get protein into his diet.” “Which one?” Shitty asks, already knowing the answer.

november | 5,046 | antoineroussel / @bostonbruiins

Summary: Jack was ready, so ready. He'd never been more ready for anything, except maybe an NHL contract. He was so totally not ready at all.

Man of Honor | 5,301 | esterbrook

Summary: Bitty has to live the rest of his life with the knowledge that yes, Jack Zimmermann cries at weddings, and looks good doing it.

is it too late now to say sorry | 5,330 | magneticwave

Summary: I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS, Eric types furiously into Twitter. THIS IS LIKE RENAMING LAKE WOEBEGONE “LAKE SCOTT WALKER.” // Or, the only person in the entirety of Canada who is upset about Jack Zimmermann’s first Stanley Cup is Eric Bittle, and by God is every single one of Eric’s 160,000 Twitter followers going to hear about it.

To Even Fall | 5,636 | perihelionic

Summary: Sometimes Bitty sleeps in Jack's bed. It's not a thing, until it is.

and so all yours | 5,858 | orphan_account

Summary: It’s not exactly taboo to let other people see your soulmate’s first thought about you, but now, standing two feet away from the guy who spent the last five hours making him feel inadequate and small, he doesn’t really want to remind anyone that even his own soulmate doesn’t believe in him.

better than I know myself | 5,876 | Mizzy

Summary: Jack's not very good at noticing common threads. So it takes him the longest time, over a year, before he realizes what's been different in the Haus. It's not something that's present, so much as something that's missing. And it's this: that Bittle calls everyone pet names. Everyone but Jack.

Duffle Bag Guy | 7,643 | cablesscutie / @cablesscutie

Summary: ‘You keep dragging suspicious sacks up to and down from your apartment and I don’t know what your deal is or why I still wanna bone you’ AU

the road leads back to you | 9,160 | nightswatch / @zimmermaenner

Summary: Bitty meets Jack Zimmermann on 5 AM on a Sunday morning after someone set their grilled cheese on fire in his dorm. He doesn't really expect that they'll become friends. Or that he'll become friends with an entire hockey team.

a tale of love and how it finds you | 10,587 | nightswatch / @zimmermaenn

Summary: Bitty sees Jack Zimmermann almost every morning, but he’s never said a single word to him. Honestly, Jack Zimmermann probably doesn’t even know that he exists.

Catfishing for Dummies | 12,001 | andquitefrankly / @andquitefrankly

Summary: Eric Bittle hadn't planned on signing up for online dating. It was just something that had happened after a drunken night with his friends. He also hadn't planned on messaging the super obvious catfish masquerading as Jack Zimmermann. And he definitely hadn't planned on possibly falling in love with him.

One More | 1,596 | facewithoutheart / @facewithoutheart

Summary: “That’s… uh. That’s my phone. I should–” “One more,” Bitty whispers into Jack’s open mouth, his hands turned to fists in Jack’s open graduation robe, asking a question Jack aches to answer. “One more, please.”

i'd never want from the cherry tree | 2,535 | milominderbinder / @milominderbindered

Summary: Bitty's been sent flowers. His friends think this means the guy who serves macaroni in the cafeteria is in love with him. Bitty thinks this might mean he's dating Jack Zimmermann. Unfortunately, he's not sure. Jack is very hard to read, okay?

A Tolerance for Pain | 3,782 | uniqueinalltheworld

Summary: It makes sense, his mother tells him when he's nine: Jack's such a physical person, of course his indicator would be his soulmate's pain. Jack doesn't have anything to say about it, really, he just scowls and winces as his soulmate falls down again. Alicia Zimmermann, whose heterochromia reversed itself upon laying eyes on Bob for the first time, because she’s more passionate about visual media, pats him on the shoulder with a completely insufficient amount of sympathy. Jack's backside is sore for months as the falls keep happening, and he can only think that somewhere, his soulmate must be learning how to skate.

almond croissants and strawberry pie | 4,633 | thewalrus_said / @thewalrus-said

Summary: Bitty first hears the hammering on his shop door at precisely 5:17 in the morning on an already-warm Thursday in July. He’s content to ignore it—the dough he’s kneading won’t shape itself into sandwich rolls, after all—but it proves to be remarkably persistent. Precisely six minutes of knocking later, he hears someone yell, “Come on, I know you start baking at four in the morning! Let us in!”

Cornucopia | 5,201 | Sakon76 / @sakon76

Summary: Bitty's kitchen skills aren't just preternatural. They're downright divine.

By the Light of the Moon | 7,507 | ereshai / @ereshai

Summary: Something is stalking the students of Samwell University. Nothing bad happens - until a member of the hockey team turns up dead. Freshman Eric Bittle starts using the campus Safe Walk number to make sure he gets safely back to his dorm at night and gets drawn into the Samwell Men's Hockey team's quest to find their murdered teammate's killer. He understands why they're doing it, but why are they so weird?

Got Your Pack | 9,030 | MapleleafCameo / @MapleleafCameo

Summary: In hindsight, Eric should’ve figured it out sooner. The signs are all there. When he decides to go to Samwell, he assumes the ‘one in four; maybe more’ means something significantly different. At least it's not a cult. He hopes.

2024 Reclists · INBOX · Blog Updates

#zimbits #bitty/jack #jack/bitty #bitty x jack #jack x bitty #zimbits reclist #check please #fanfic reclist #check please reclist

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sanderstime · 1 year ago

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My favorite headcanons, Dark Side Edition

Orange Side: "wow, you're including him?"

Yeah I know, I'm so great for doing so. - He is an instigator, he causes fights and debates constantly by blurting out an opinion he knows the other sides will hate just so he has an excuse to yell (he thinks it's fun.)

-He's naturally a loud guy, his whispers are barely quieter than normal talking.

-His handwriting is TERRIBLE. No one can really read it, except Remus because he taught him how to decode it. Just so he can annoy Janus when he can't figure it out.

-Remus and Janus are his best friends, and he specifically loves to make Logan mad.

-He's tried to make Patton mad and has only succeeded once, and never again. He keeps trying though.

-Loves spicy things. Probably eats takis for breakfast.

-dyes his hair flaming hot-Cheeto ass red, and he's iconic for it.

-He wears leather jackets... yeah...yeah he does.

-Cronus. that is his name ty

Remus:

Where.... where do I even BEGIN

-He's slightly taller than Roman and holds it over him constantly "Oh you can't reach the top shelf? let the BIGGER brother get it for you."

-Remus definitely writes fanfiction. Thats it.

-He is very musically gifted with instruments, especially the Tuba. He will convince Roman to perform with him and make him sing along to his tuba for 'brotherly bonding.'

-The first one to get lost if they went to an amusement park together, Logan would have the map and then turn around to see Remus is already missing.

-Dude is weirdly extremely flexible, like nearly contortionist-level of flexibility.

-he made a deal to marry Janus if they were single by 40. He initiated it and bothered him until Janus sighed and went "Fineeee."

-Like Roman, he sings on a daily basis, just... a lot more purposefully obnoxious.

-He likes to go into Romans room and make things just out of place, like stealing a single bulb from his fairy lights or moving things slightly to the left.

-He loves to play hide and seek, sometimes he'll just hide for no reason until someone finds him and screams when he gets scared.

-He also loves Disney, but he likes bringing up the disturbing behind-the-scenes facts that he knows.

-He actively thinks about the Roman Empire, as a joke.

-He does his makeup too, and he often does Romans' makeup too- it's one of the few parts of the day when they don't argue at all.

Janus:

-Despite loving snakes, he actually has pet rats. Two of them.

-He's the kind of guy to start a fight between two people and then begin recording when it escalates "Oooh did he just call you that? You going to let that slide?"

-In AU's where they have powers, I like him having the ability to shapeshift into people he makes a connection with. So when he finally opens up with someone he transforms into them and back to his normal self to prove that he cares y'know...

-He does care a lot, even though he fights often with the other sides he sees them all as his friends. Remus will always be who he's closest with.

-He and Virgil being bitter exes makes sense. idk it just does. I don't make the rules.

-His favorite board game is Secret Hitler. Because he is great at it.

-Birds creep him out, he doesn't like how they look up close and how loud they can be.

-Made a fake account posting fake science facts and tagging Logan, so Logan will go on long tangents about how wrong he is. Then he will reply with "Nope."

-Every time someone asks him to hand them something he will say "No." and hand it to them anyway.

-Makes sure everyone is taking care of themselves, he may not get along with everyone all the time but at the end of the day, he makes sure they are properly taken care of.

-would definitely get a two-headed snake tattoo.

- he NEEDS snakebites, like... c'mon.

#remus sanders #janus sanders #deciet sanders #dark sides #orange side #sanders sides #sanders sides headcanon

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ravencromwell · 10 months ago

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Finally decided to indulge in the Siuan/Moiraine meta I've been wanting to write for ages now, musing on the differences in psychology ensuing from their significantly different arcs within the book and show and why Siuan's actions at season 2's apex are entirely in psychological sync with her show portrayal, even if they swerve wildly from the books.

Let's start with some Siuan back-story context. In the books, Tear was undeniably an unfriendly city for those with the One Power. But that translated, in practical terms, to Aes Sedai keeping their stays there brief, and girls who could touch The Source being quickly bustled off to the Tower. There were no Aes Sedai advisers, as in other kingdoms etc., but neither was there the virulent hostility of the show.

Siuan left Tear quickly in the books—the first day she was discovered to have the Power, but only because a sister was traveling through and didn't wish to delay returning to The Tower for such pesky things as sentimental goodbyes. Was that harsh? Absolutely. But the world of the books is exceedingly harsh in some respects, giving girls little to no choice about becoming Sisters, should they be discovered harboring abilities. (Much of Nynaeve's back-story involved hiding her powers precisely because she didn't fancy being ripped from The Two Rivers.)

Siuan faces a much different harshness in the show. The show doesn't do a great job explaining this, but The Dragon's Fang, which is etched onto Siuan's door before her house is unceremoniously torched, is a sign of immense contempt for Dark Friends. Within show Tear, a wary mistrust of Aes Sedai has curdled into something much more dangerous. All use of The Power is suspect, because if men's half was tainted, there's nothing to say women won't go suddenly mad, too.

It's worth remembering as well here that book Siuan was roughly fifteen when she went to The Tower. Now, I'm totally blind, and audio description doesn't give me an age for tiny show-Siuan, but if she's anywhere near puberty, I'll eat my metaphorical hat. And instead of being shepherded to The Tower, she had to flee for her life.

In her family's only means of support, I might ad. Book Siuan was by no means well-to-do, but she was firmly in the middling ranks of the working poor. Show Siuan's family are on the fucking destitution brink y'all. And she took her father's livelihood. Dying destitute ain’t fuckin pretty.

Siuan is not a stupid kid, and she clearly adores the shit out of her papa. The first thing that little girl did the millisecond she got any privileges? Wrote to her papa.

And more than likely, Berden never wrote back. It wouldn't take her long to figure out what'd happened. Moiraine is at great pains to tell Alana Jenny was not "her" support dog, and we laugh it off as oh, look at Moiraine being all adorably prim. Which in one sense, it totally is. But I'd almost guarantee you there's a deeper layer there: it wasn't "hers"; it was "theirs" because once Siuan found out her beloved papa was dead, they both needed something to cuddle.

This may seem like somewhat of a digression, but I'm maundering on because in the books yes, Dark Friends are evil. But they're evil because they caused a terrible cataclysm many thousands of years ago that killed lots of people, and they wanna do it again. There's no personal skin in the game for our beloved ladies, except they get thrust into the job through a convergence of some very complicated circumstances—I'd recommend any show-only watchers read "New Spring" because while I love almost all the changes the show has made ferociously, the way Siuan and Moiraine undertake the search is vastly more plausible as presented by Jordan there.

For Siuan in the show, by contrast, Dark Friend has _very personal ramifications. Dark Friends caused the corrosive mistrust that got her papa _killed! And Moiraine, better than _anyone, knows how that broke her.

And she _knows full well she could be deposed simply for having a relationship with Moiraine. The sensible thing to keep all the awful people from committing terrible crimes that will reverberate down the centuries to impact a little girl just as she was impacted would be to keep both their noses clean. And yet, she loves Moiraine so much that she'll take that risk to maintain not only an alliance about Rand, but a romantic relationship which could, realistically, be discovered much more easily.

And now, Moiraine, the woman who parroted back her beloved father's words of farewell about how Siuan was as clever as a pike and strong as the tides seemingly willfully lied; seemingly became a _Dark _Friend. Even her admonition that Lanfear is "too strong" must bring up so many awful questions: just how long have they been working together for her to know that? Because from Siuan's perspective, what it looks like is Lanfear coming in, guns blazing, to save her accomplice, Moiraine.

When Siuan says that there are rules and they have to abide by them, it's reflecting profoundly deep fears—not only about what Rand could do, but the kind of hatred toward those with The Power it could foster. For twenty years, she's put those fears aside. And now it appears that her going against Tower Law has lost her Moiraine to the Forsaken, and made terrible outcomes nigh on inevitable. And people are really confused about why she looks beaten?

Hell, from her perspective, forget Lanfear's entrance. The very fact Moiraine seemingly lied to her and is now talking about love must seem such a cruel mockery: laughing at Siuan's weakness; just as, perhaps, she was laughing at her with that parting comment in The Tower: an Amyrlin Seat still so swayed by what her papa told her so many years ago. (Yeah, we know it was as close as she could come to an I love you, but how the hell is Siuan supposed to know that, given everything?) This was not willful emotional abuse on someone she knew to be acting in good faith, but a reaction to the person she loved enough to risk the fucking Amyrlin Seat for becoming a monster!

Do I wish they'd picked _any other direction for their relationship? Yes, yes I damn well do. There was plenty to play with for angst factor by having the coup go down as it does in the books: Moiraine not being there to save her when all Siuan wanted was more time together, for one thing. Moiraine needlessly obfuscating in front of Siuan and the other Sisters in S1, when Leandrin already knew! about the Two Rivers folk. Thinking she was being canny, when all she did was get herself pointlessly exiled so she couldn't protect Siuan? Quite enough of an angst sandwich, thanks ever so, without this new development. But! if they were going to include this, Siuan reacted precisely as I would expect her to, given the context I've outlined above, not in some madly ooc fashion worthy of the tags descending into emotional abuse discourse.

#Siuan Sanche #Moiraine Damodred #I kept hoping this Siuan is terribly abusive discourse would die down but I keep seeing it crop up and it's driving me utterly batshit #Wheel of Time #siuanraine #Moiraine x Siuan #Siuan x Moiraine #fishwives #(posting all this with the obvious caveat that if Rafe uses this to pull some massive bullshit whereby he brought out the queerness some #of us could see in fucking New Spring. because I am absolutely a fan for that long. even if RJ rest his soul tried to brush it off as #'pillow friends that faded out'only to get fucking cold feet and put them in their heterosexual weirdass nonrelationships with Gareth and #Thom (and look. I am really fond of show Thom; he still has no business getting up close and personal with Moiraine #unless she and Siuan decide on polyamory; Gareth was such an utter nonentity and isn't in the show I really have nothing to say. with legit #apologies to any Gareth fans subjected to my salty tags b/c I'm sure they exist and your tastes are also valid)#well. if Rafe. as an openly queer creator pulls a queer bait and switch I will lose my shit so spectacularly they'll hear my screaming #during shooting. but moral ambiguity. in and of itself. is not a bad thing! portrayals of how her early childhood trauma complicate her #dynamic with Moiraine when Moiraine lied! to her which she should have known better than to do #feel very inevitable after that intro we got in S1 is all I'm saying

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