#i love my parents and they love me but i don’t think they really think i can do it. be successful as a screenwriter

[celesteleoves]

Could you do a todoroki oneshot/head cannons for him having a secrete crush on (y/n) and doing some cheesy confessions? Thanks a lot!!❤️🤍

“I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL MY NAME.”

shoto todoroki x reader.

summary: shoto has developed a crush that even he himself doesn’t quite understand, so he’s hiding it. you however, have a small huge crush on him yourself aswell. hopefully he can confess!

warnings: mentions of the todoroki family, shoto being a little insecure, fluff with a SMALL tinge of angst! reader is as whipped as he is lol!

a/n: i decided to turn this into a little one shot. ty for requesting this ml! i really enjoy writing shoto and trying to understand his character (especially trying to interpret how he would do a confession lol!) enjoy!!!! pls send more requests. this is quite long i feel like :( i hope it’s to your liking!!!

—

“todoroki, have you ever wondered what it would be like to be in love?”

that was a sentence shoto didn’t think he’d have to answer at 10 am in the morning. yet here he is. standing very stiffly next to a happy momo who is helping him make breakfast for their classmates. the question certainly woke him up at this early time.

“not really.”

“oh come on! you know i’m not the type to push boundaries but are you sure?” momo looked at him in confusion, for a boy like shoto everyone would’ve thought love defintely came easily to him.

“i don’t think i have. please hand me the knife.”

momo sighed and passed him the knife before moving around the kitchen and grabbing the rest of the ingredients to finish up their meal.

——

the conversation with momo had been stuck in shoto’s head all throughout the day (it was currently 1 pm). he felt as though he answered her wrong. yet, how would he know a thing about love? romantic love. souls being practically tied to another. he didn’t know anything about it.

shoto felt uneasy facing emotions he never explored: love. It was like standing on a cliff's edge, peering into an unfamiliar abyss. His usually composed demeanor faltered as he grappled with the intensity of these new feelings. yet, despite his apprehension, a part of him was curious, cautiously reaching out to understand this uncharted territory.

from a young age, shoto learned he couldn't rely on his parents to model what real love looked like or how to navigate relationships. they weren't an example he could follow, leaving him uncertain and unguided in matters of the heart. that’s something shoto learnt at a young age, he couldn’t rely on his parents to show him what real love looks like.

he’s not very good at lying. thats also something shoto learnt at a young age. it baffles him how he has been able to hide his crush on you for this long.

you sat comfortably next to shoto, scrolling through your phone and peppering him with questions about the various foods you were discovering on your Pinterest feed.

“oh my gosh! did you know that strawberries are the most common fruit people use to confess their love?” you grinned like a child and turned your phone towards shoto who was already paying attention to your scrolling.

“oh wow, i didn’t know that.” shotos answer came out more nonchalant than he wanted and he winced, praying you wouldn’t be upset with him.

instead, you felt a warmth in your stomach at his words. excited to teach him more about strawberries, you leaned closer.

shotos breath hitched at the smell of your perfume engulfing his senses, he could practically see ever detail of your face. to the way you did your makeup all the way down to the necklace you wore that shoto had gifted you for your birthday.

the sight made shotos cheeks flushed as he took deep breaths. as of right now, shoto wished he would be more calm like he usually is.

damn it, hiding a crush is not easy.

little did either of you know, you were both thinking the same thing.

——

strawberries. the history of the strawberry dates back to Ancient Rome where the fruit was considered the symbol of Venus, the goddess of love, because of its red color and enticing taste.

shoto had been sitting in his dorm for hours looking up facts about strawberries.

he gently placed his phone down and pondered. does the kitchen have strawberries? or would he have to go buy some?

“i’ll check the kitchen.” he mumbled, hurriedly making his way there.

upon his arrival, he realized everyone seemed to be also chilling in their dorms. it was only 5 o’clock and a free day for his classmates to relax and catch up.

he searched the fridge, a deep frown settling on his face when he realized there were no strawberries.

shoto stared at the fridge for a couple minutes, debating what to do.

“shoto? is that you?” he jumped at the sound of the kitchen door creaking open but relaxed after realizing it was just you.

“sorry! didn’t mean to scare you. what are you looking for?” you moved towards him, stopping right behind him and peering over his shoulder to look at what the fridge might contain for him.

much to shotos dismay, it didn’t contain the one thing he wanted. the thing he craved however was just standing behind him.

“i want strawberries. do you want to come to the store with me to get some?” shoto peered back at you with the cutest look on his face. your heart clenched at his unintentional puppy eyes.

“yes! i mean- sure.” you stumbled over your words and he softly smiled, moving to grab his hoodie as you excitedly walked beside him, leaving the dorms and heading to the store.

the walk was calm, exactly what you needed but also despised. for months, it felt as if you had been left in the dark with shoto. it seems as though he’s keeping something from you.

selfishly, you really want to understand his sudden demeanour change. he’s almost softer, sweeter and very careful with you.

selfishly, shoto also wants to just run away and hide. he is not good at keeping secrets from you. this secret is something he knows would affect your friendship greatly. which is why he’s afraid.

“shoto. we’re here.” you spoke to him softly, the chill evening air makes you feel at peace next to him and shoto swears you glow as the afternoon sun hits the side of your face perfectly.

“i really want strawberries.” shoto said and you swore you almost let out a cackle at his blunt words, why did he need that fruit so badly?

“then let’s look!”

you two trudged to the fruit section of the store, analyzing which strawberries would be perfect.

“y/n, look at these ones.” shoto beckoned you over and you happily walked over to where he stood.

shoto had managed to find the most perfect strawberries you had never seen, they looked so perfect! (just like him) and you quickly nodded your head towards the cashier.

“hello! my my, what a lovely young couple you two are! did you know, strawberries are a symbol of love?” the cashier, a friendly middle aged women, spoke endearingly at you two.

“oh! we aren’t a-”

“thank you, m’aam.” shoto softly smiled at the lady and she grinned back, winking at you as you blushed.

“have a good one, you two!” the cashier waved as you two exited the store, you being too flustered to reply while shoto waved back at her.

his nerves began to get the best of him, his idea didn’t seem like it would work now. what if his perspective of love is wrong and he’s doing the opposite of what you think love is? the questions continued to plague his mind like a sick joke and taunt. his mind seemed to be his biggest enemy.

were you against the idea of dating him? you didn’t reply to the lady in the store. was it his scar? was it his personality? shoto suddenly really liked the idea of crawling into hole.

you moved towards a bench nearby, patting the seat next to you. you didn’t enjoy how quiet shoto had been. normally he would at least say a few words and you would be able to continue the conversation. shoto seemed speechless suddenly.

shoto stared at the batch of strawberries in his lap, grateful they were washed. he could eat them now with you.

he picked up what seemed like one singular strawberry that laid perfectly on top of the rest. as he picked the strawberry up, it revealed to be a double strawberry. (press on the text to learn more!)

“woah! a double strawberry, can we split it?” you spoke for the first time in a while and shoto felt his heart swoon, you wanted to share a strawberry with him?

shoto only nodded and split the strawberry for you two, a red hue very evident on his cheeks as he took a bite of the strawberry.

“you know, i’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while.”

shotos nerve racking words caused you to perk up in your seat as you quietly ate the strawberry, encouraging him to continue.

“um, strawberries mean love.” shoto mentally face palmed. that is not what he wanted to say!

you giggle, “i know sho! i told you that.”

silence overtook you two once again as you gave shoto a moment to think about his words, patiently nervously swinging your legs back and fourth beneath the bench.

“it is also said that if you spilt a double strawberry with someone, you two will fall in love.” shoto whispered those words as if they were forbidden.

your eyes widened and you let out a huff of laughter, trying to make humour of the situation incase he does but agree with your next words.

“and what happens if you’re already in love?”

shotos eyes bulged, he looked up from where he was staring at his feet nervously to make eye contact with you for the first time in a while.

the feeling of being nervous about what the other will say seems so intense, but once you're already in love, every word they utter becomes a symphony that warms your heart. you two felt that way each time the other spoke.

“then… the two will grow their relationship and be more than friends?” shoto asked shyly.

“yeah, that sounds about right.” you grinned, shuffling closer to shoto, finishing your strawberry as you place your head on his shoulder.

shoto smiled a toothy grin, silently applauding himself. his confession wasn’t as bad he thought it would be! strawberries really do symbolize love.

——

A/N: UM HI… i hope this was how you wanted it!!! i kinda got carried away… if you guys can’t tell i really like strawberries so i had to include them. please send tips for me to improve my writing and requests for not just mha, but jjk too!

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 9

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: this wasn't my planned update but here we go.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Your grandmother is where she always is. In her chair reading her book. She doesn’t look up and you don’t bother saying a word. She’s getting exactly what she’s always wanted and she doesn’t even realise it. She’s getting rid of you. Another thing you’ve done for her that she’ll never acknowledge. 

You go into your room and look around. You sit on the bed and examine each wall. You’re not going to miss this place, just your freedom. There is no illusion left around Andy. He’s shown how far he’ll go to make his will your own. You don’t expect him to ‘take care of you’ as he keeps promising, not in the way it sounds. 

You huff and hold your head. You’re not going to sleep. You don’t have time to. You have to figure out what to take with you. What do you tell your grandmother? She won’t care either way, will she. She’ll finally have her empty nest. At least someone will have what they want. 

You don’t have much to your name. Your switch, your headset, controllers; that’s the expensive stuff. Your clothes are mostly used, easily replaceable. You’re not really worried about dressing up. 

You spend the hours going through every little nook and cranny. You’re not sentimental, you don’t have much that it more than material. Only a box of keepsakes from the few years of your life; a friendship bracelet the neighbour girl gave you before she moved away, some meaningless award you won in grade school for attendance, and the only thing left to you by your parents, besides resent; a baby sweater you wore when they thought they could love you. 

You fit everything you’re taking in a single bag. The rest you box up and drag out to the curb. In the early hours, the house is quiet and you try not to make too much noise. Your grandmother’s snores stir from her room. She’s blissfully ignorant just as always. 

You strip the bed and put the sheets and blanket in the wash. Hopefully you can switch it over before you go. You wipe down the furniture with a wet cloth and dust the corners and the empty closet. You’re covered in sweat and breathless by the time you have the entire space barren. You’re so tired you’re dizzy but closing your eyes only brings Andy’s voice to mind. 

There’s a creak and you raise your head as the ripples dissipate. Your grandmother slouches as she clings to the door handle and scowls. She looks around the room and her grey brow twitches. 

“Eh, what’re you doing?” She growls, “making all this noise.” 

“Leaving,” you shrug. 

“Leaving? To where?” 

You’re dumbfounded she’s even asked. You sit up and show your hands, “gotta go back to school soon anyway so I’m going to crash with Kara. I’ll leave money on the table when I go.” 

“Oh.” 

That’s all she says before she goes. She believes you only because she doesn’t care enough to doubt you. You hang your head and sigh. You can’t help but think of what Andy said. You hate to admit it but he’s right. There’s no one else who wants you. It doesn’t make him a better option, just the only. 

Thinking makes your head hurt. Or maybe that’s the lack of sleep. You check your phone and wrap up the charging cord. Morning already. Nearly 7am. You spent hours clearing out your old life; a life that was never really living. 

There’s a message waiting for you. Two. Both from Andy. The first is a good night you never answered and the second from just twenty minutes ago, asking if you’re awake. You send a thumbs up. That’s all you can handle right now. 

The call comes almost as soon as the message sends and the check mark turns blue. You answer without hesitation. Your so numb to the inevitability of it all, there’s no sense in avoiding any of it. You just want this over with even though you know it won’t be. 

“Morning, sweetheart,” Andy purrs from the other end. Your throat clenches and your cheeks tug into a frown. “How are you?” 

You go to speak and cough, your mouth dry. You clear your throat and rub your forehead as it throbs with the effort, “awake. Packed.” 

“Oh, honey, you sound tired.” 

“Mm,” you hum flatly. 

“I couldn’t sleep either,” he says, “I couldn’t stop thinking of you.” He pauses, waiting for the lies you won’t give him. “Well, when do you wanna head out? Do you need a little more time?” 

“Ready,” you utter. Not really ready but resigned.  

“Sure, sweetheart, I’ll just get myself together and be over in twenty minutes, how does that sound?” 

Why is he asking you like you have a choice? You garble an agreement and hang up. You put the phone down as you sit on the naked mattress and stare. Your head is swimming with fatigue. As you close your eyes, the fear returns. You’re really doing this. 

You fold over your lap and whimper. It’s over, not that it ever really begun. Not that you were ever really expected much. You just wanted to be your own person, have your own space, make your own way. For once in your life, you just wanted to be you. 

Andy isn’t going to let that happen. You don’t know him but you know he wants you to be something you aren’t. Whether it’s delusion or cruelty, you don’t know, but you know something isn’t right. It can never be right. 

You get up and unlock your phone. You key in a message with the last of your strength; ‘meet me at the corner’. You don’t think she’ll bother herself but you wouldn’t want your grandma to see the truth. You’re not sure she’d even care enough to judge you. 

You come out as she grumbles into a coffee cup. You roll your bag behind you and grab your jacket from the hook by the door; a light canvas one you wear in the mornings when the dew chills the air. She stares at the television as the news blares at her. 

“Here,” you take out the little bit of cash you have left to your name and place it on the table at her elbow, “I’m... going now.” 

“Erm,” she grunts and slurps the coffee. She doesn’t even look at you. Should you tell her you’re not coming back? You leave your keys with the money 

You just turn and pull your bag after you to the door, stopping only to put your shoes on. You open the front door and step out into the soft hues of morning. It would be a beautiful day if the world hadn’t gone gray. 

Your bag wheels scratch the pavement behind you, the whole thing jostling at the end of the long handle. You head down to the corner and park yourself on the curb, waiting as your eyes rove the area. You take it all in; the fences, the hedges, the cracked birdbath, and the few welcome signs on doors. 

The low whir of an engine approaches. You know without looking it’s him. But you do. You have to face it. 

“Hey,” Andy steps out as you stand on the curb. “Let me get this, sweetheart.” 

He reaches back inside the car and hits a switch. The trunk opens on its own. Is it pathetic that you’re kind of impressed by that? You’ve only seen trunks that you open with your hands. He lifts your bag inside easily and taps another button, the hatch closing slowly behind him. 

“Come on, you look beat,” he touches your shoulder and you flinch, curling inward as you shake his hand away. “I brought you a coffee. Not the hotel brew, the good stuff.” 

You numbly follow him around to the other side. He opens the car door and you stare at the interior. You take a breath and grab the trim of the door and haul yourself inside. You drop heavily into the seat and your head bounces against the rest. 

He lingers. You feel his gaze on you. He’s expecting something you can’t give him. Not yet. You don’t know if ever. You let out a murmur as he leans in to kiss your cheek. You fight not to show your disgust. 

“Just relax. I’ll drive, you get some sleep, sweetheart,” he caresses your arm. You don’t react. Not a look, not a flinch. 

He shuts the door and walks along the hood. You watch him through the windshield. He’s wearing one of those suits. Dark navy slacks and white shirt with a black tie. You let your head loll and see the matching jacket folded neatly in the back seat. 

He gets in the car, his weight felt in the axle. He hits the button to wake the engine and buckles his belt. He glances over. 

“Hey, safety first.” 

You huff. He's acting like the dad you never had. You click the seat belt into place and turn your face to the window. He inhales deeply and lets it out slow before he puts the SUV into gear. 

“You say goodbye to grandma?” 

“Mm... mhmm,” you grumble. 

“She’ll miss you, huh?” 

Your lip curls and you hide your face as you focus on the houses rolling slowly by. Why is he playing this game? Did he not throw her apathy in your face to get here? 

“Did you bring your switch? We could play some at the hotel,” he offers. 

You close your eyes and ball your fists. It takes everything you have left not to scream and hit him. It’s like he’s rubbing it in. He won! He won! 

And you lost. Just like always. 

“What about Kara?” You ask crisply. 

“Oh, sweetheart, you’re hoarse. Try some of the coffee,” he reaches to flick the top of a travel mug. You narrow your eyes as you follow the gesture. The purplish pink metal is topped with a white plastic lid. On the side, the outline of a game controller is patterned on the multicoloured finish. “It’s a good brew. Only a few places I’ve found have it. I’ll take you to the shop back home once you’re settled.” 

You’re not arguing with him. You’ve seen how far that gets you. You take the cup and pop the tab on top. You take a tentative sip as you feel the heat within. 

“I added some sugar,” he says. 

“I don’t like sugar,” you snap the lid shut and put the lid back. 

“Oh, sorry, sweetheart,” he chuckles, “guess we have a lot to learn about each other.” 

“Kara,” you insist again. 

He sighs and taps his fingers on the wheel, “I called last night. They’re holding her so we can pay the bond.” 

We? He’s not subtle. You sniff as your back racks with the sort of achiness that comes from being so tired. 

“I’ll talk to them. Get the charges knocked down. If anything, I can get them piled onto that boy she keeps around. He’s trouble, if I’ve ever seen it--” 

“Seen?” You echo, “have you... seen him?” 

He hesitates and his cheek dimples under his dark beard. He stares at the road ahead as his lips move as if he’s talking silently. Finally, he answers. 

“I only wanted to make sure you were safe. I know better than any that hanging out with the wrong crowd can get you into a lot of trouble--” 

“No, Andy, tell me. Were you watching her too?” You sit up with effort. 

“You should sleep, it’s a long drive,” he girds. 

“Andy, tell me--” 

“I had too. You cut me off and I had to be sure you were okay,” he insists. “And you weren’t. Not really. Sweetheart, things are going to be a lot better. Together. You just can’t see it right now because you never--” 

“Oh, I know what I’ve never had,” you fall back and slump against the door, “you don’t need to keep reminding me.” 

A roiling silence fills the compartment. He exhales again and slows as his blinker clicks noisily. He turns onto the next road as you feel his anxiety. Or maybe it’s your own. 

“I’m sorry. I only want...” he trails of as he measures his words, “I want to take care of you. To give you all that stuff. I don’t want you to feel bad.” 

“I’m tired,” you snip and fold your arms. 

“Right,” he says tensely, “yeah, get some sleep. Easier to talk after.” 

Talk? You’re done talking to him. He only says the same thing over and over again.  

[builtbybrokenbells]

Melodic Memories | Track 3: I Need You - Lynyrd Skynyrd (1 of 2)

In a tattered old box shoved deep down in the corner of an overfilled closet, a lifetimes worth of memories lie dormant at the bottom waiting to be rediscovered.

Masterlist

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 19.5k

Warnings: sadness, heartbreak, crying, high school breakups, unrequited love, estranged parent/strained parental relationships, angst, anger, bickering, name calling, depression, anxiety, self doubt/self consciousness, swearing, flirting, fluff, drinking, smoking, mentions of hookups/casual sex, sorry if I miss any!

Here’s part one of two 😁 part two is finished, but i gotta build some suspense. let me know what you think and we’ll see what happens in pt. 2! as always, be kind, enjoy, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!

Also a special shout-out to @gretavangroupie and @gretavanmoon for always keeping me on track, putting up with my craziness, and for the unwavering support and encouragement 🤍 melodic memories wouldn’t be what it is without you 😌

Her POV

‘Ain't no need to worry

There ain't no use to cry

'Cause I'll be comin' home soon

To keep you satisfied

You know I get so lonely

That I feel I can't go on

And it feels so good inside, babe

Just to call you on the telephone

And I said—‘

“Do I even want to know why this one’s on here?” Mel chortled, reaching out and pressing the pause button on the CD player. The music cut out, silence filling the air around you, instantly making you miss the sound of the sweet melody. Worse yet, it made you miss the boy who burned it into the tracklist to begin with.

“What can I say? We were romantics.” You shrugged, leaning back in your chair and kicking your feet up on the desk. “Guess this one doesn’t really have a memory, per se. More or less just lots of listening.” You giggled, feeling more at ease with the reminiscent music as time dragged on.

It had been a few weeks since you reached out to Jake, a few weeks since you threw the entire universe off course and opened your heart to him once again. Most of your room was packed up now, only a few items still waiting to be thrown out or stuffed in a box. Although you’d made lots of great progress on your most pressing task, packing up boxes had not been the highlight of the weeks that had flown by. Instead of buzzing with excitement over your long awaited move, you were filled with joy that Jake was back around. Since the fated phone call that left you with so many questions and regrets, time was allowing answers and comforts over the things you never believed would resolve. The conversation between you was constant, only slowing when you were asleep, and phone calls were almost a daily routine, so long as his schedule allowed for it.

There wasn’t much talk of what the two of you were, or really what you were doing, but you did know it felt good to wake up to his name on your screen every day. You were getting to know each other again, slowly but surely, through drawn out bouts of heavy flirtation. He was sending loads of pictures as he traveled across Europe, ensuring you didn’t miss out on a single bit of his life now that he had you back around.

“Listening? What does that—oh, god, Y/N!” Mel exclaimed, recoiling in faux outrage. “This was your sex song?!” A shriek of laughter erupted from you, the expression of disgust on her face unusually funny to you. “Gross. You’re gross, you know.” She muttered, flipping to the next page of your senior yearbook.

“You were the one who said it, Mel.” You stressed your point, clicking the play button so the tune would continue. “And it wasn’t our sex song.” You corrected her on the matter, your tone short. “We had lots of sex songs, and even though this happened to be one, it’s more than just that.”

“Ugh,” she shuddered, her eyes flickering towards you. “I want to ask, but I’m not sure I want to know.”

“It was our everything song.” You shrugged. “My grandfather loved Skynyrd, and I guess he passed that down to me. Used to listen to ‘Second Helping’ over and over again when he worked outside. Could recite that album better than the bible.”

“Yeah, like you’re a godly person.” She rolled her eyes.

“You get what I mean.” You tossed the stress ball you were playing with at her head, over her dramatics and eager to tell the story.

“When we got together, I used to beg Jake to learn how to play Free Bird. Guess I never understood how hard that actually was, but eventually, he learned it anyway. It was horrible, awful, even, but he did it for me, and that’s what mattered.”

“Bet he looked hot doing it, though.” She hummed, recalling the many Instagram pictures she’d scrolled through. You narrowed your gaze, unsure if you should be upset about the statement or not. After a moment of bargaining, you decided not to take her words to heart in hopes to avoid any misplaced jealousy.

“Yeah, he definitely did.” You chuckled, conceding as you recalled the memory. He did look hot playing it, but then again, he always did. You couldn’t argue with her when she was right.

“Okay, but Free Bird isn’t on here. Why is this one important?”

“Well, Free Bird is a long song.” She let out a sigh, growing tired of waiting. A small smile pulled at your lips, knowing your drawn out rendition of the tale was torturous to her. “So, in the meantime, he learned this. Said it was easier, and more fitting, because that’s exactly how he felt about me.”

“Was your whole relationship just him leaning to play songs for you?” She asked, envious of all the grand romantic gestures. From all you told her, she quickly understood why he was so hard for you to forget.

“Not all of it, but a lot of it.” You chuckled, tapping the cap of your pen against your notebook. On the paper sat a list of the items you would need to purchase for your new apartment. Even the exciting prospect of moving out and surviving on your own couldn’t compare to the storm of thoughts that you were constantly stuck in, always pertaining to the same boy. “He was a big blues guy, and I guess we got along so well because I was, too. He showed me so much music, and I still listen to most of it.” You explained, smiling to yourself as you thought back on it. “After he played that song for me, it kinda turned into our anthem, I guess. Wherever we went, whatever we were doing, it was always in the background. Lots of road trips and beach days spent with this song, and some fantastic memories made to it. And yeah, lots of sex, too.” You sighed, dreamily reminiscing on the best days of your entire life. As you stared off at the ceiling, a pillow went flying, striking you straight in the face and abruptly ending that train of thought.

“God, you talk about it like it was phenomenal, or something. You were in high school, it couldn’t have been that good.” She rolled onto her back, holding the yearbook over her head as she continued to search for pictures of you. You giggled to yourself, tossing the pillow back to the bed. It landed beside her with a pathetic bounce, and you watched it until it fell still again.

“It was that good though.” You said, your eyes fluttering closed as you thought back to the time. “Maybe it’s because I was in love with him, but to me, it was always that good.”

“Gross, Y/N.” She teased, not actually as bothered as she was letting on. “Seriously, though. He seems great. Even after all this time, he still really loves you.” Your cheeks turned crimson, your entire body encased with warmth at the term. Love was something you were trying to push from your mind, especially because the two of you never declared that you would be rekindling the romance. There was so much up in the air, so much uncertainty, but it wasn’t a bad feeling for once. For the first time in a long time, you were excited about tomorrow and what it would bring. “Holy shit!” She exclaimed, shooting upright. You jumped in surprise, not expecting such a reaction from her.

“What is your issue?” You asked, laying a hand over your racing heart.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” she announced, reading straight from the page. You let out a groan, knowing she found the seniors section of the yearbook, and you were about to be subjected to some intense scrutiny. “Can’t imagine without: Kiszka twins and my AP bio textbook. Probably destiny: married to Jake Kiszka. Pet peeves: open-mouthed chewing, being late. First love: Jim Morrison—fair enough. Weaknesses: guitarists and brown eyes. God, you were so whipped.”

“Oh, fuck off.” You grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.

“No, it’s cute, really.” She giggled, looking over the photo of you before flipping to the next page. “Ah, Jacob Thomas Kiszka. He was a cutie, huh? Can’t imagine without: my guitar, Y/N, my brothers. Probable destiny: playing guitar on stage somewhere, married to Y/N. Pet peeves: broken patch cord, Josh. Weaknesses: High E String, sunshine. I take it you’re sunshine?”

“Shut up.” You groaned, your face burning as you tried to disappear into your seat. You knew she was having fun, and you couldn’t take that away from her, but reliving all of the embarrassing high school memories was incredibly painful.

“Y/N Y/L/N, most likely to rule the world.” She raised an eyebrow, casting a glance in your direction. You gave a shrug, chuckling slightly at her expression.

“They thought I was smart, I guess.”

“Was it in a world domination way, or like a peace-love-harmony kind of way?” She pressed, leaning into the conversation as she awaited an answer.

“Depended on the day, really.” You grinned.

“Jacob Kiszka, most likely to win a Grammy.”

“And he did.” You beamed, your stomach fluttering with pride as you said it.

“When are you getting me a rockstar boyfriend?” She huffed, only slightly envious of how the cards played out for you.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You squeaked, shutting the idea down before it could go any further. “We’re just old friends catching up. That’s all it is.”

“Yeah, sure.” She laughed, unable to agree with that statement. “You talk nonstop, and his name still has a heart beside it in your phone. You’re so in love I’m surprised you can even think of anything else.”

“Mel, would you quit it? It’s not that serious!” You tried to downplay it, defending yourself against the accusations and only ever making yourself look more guilty.

As you were about to continue your argument, your ringtone began to sound through the room, the soft melody of Dreams by Fleetwood Mac filling your ears. She raised an eyebrow, biting back a knowing smirk as she patiently waited to hear who the call was from. You pulled your phone from your pocket, your eyes drifting over the screen. Your cheeks darkened and your embarrassment grew as you saw the little red heart beside his name, but answered without any hesitation.

“Hi.” You fought back a smile, finding your heart racing as his face graced your screen. You noticed the background of the picture, his head resting on a car seat and the ambient sound of wheels on pavement filling your ears. There was quiet chatter coming from the backseat, barely noticeable even if you were straining to listen.

“Hi, sunshine.” He grinned, his eyes heavy like he’d just woken up from sleep, or perhaps he was trying his best to fight it. It had been a long time since you saw the expression on his face, it was unfamiliar now. The gravelly tone of his voice, low and slow, led you to believe he was just waking. “What are you up to?”

“Packing, as usual.” You sighed, holding the phone away from your face and spinning in your chair, showing him the plethora of boxes laying around your room. “We found my old yearbook, so we took a break to look through it.”

“Find anything good?” He asked, amused at the thought of you taking that walk down memory lane.

“She didn’t, but I definitely did.” Mel cut in, making her presence known in the best way she knew how; loudly and annoyingly.

“Hey, Mel.” Jake laughed, recognizing the tone from previous phone calls. You kicked your chair towards the bed, holding your phone a little higher so she was in frame too.

“Hello, Jacob.” She beamed. “Did you know that Y/N’s first love was Jim Morrison?” She began, her eyes flickering towards you as she spoke.

“Okay, Mel—“ you tried, but Jake cut you off mid sentence, liking the direction the conversation was headed in.

“I did know that, actually.” He grinned, blinking a few more times as he sat up in his seat. “What else did you find?”

“Oh, nothing too serious.” She sighed, pretending to ponder the question. “I did happen to learn that her weaknesses, apparently, are guitarists with brown eyes. What a coincidence, right?”

“Huh, that is strange.” He giggled, his cheeks dusted pink as he listened to her words. “Still true, sweetheart?” He asked, his question pointed at you now.

“Yeah, I guess.” You smiled, speaking softly and sweetly. “Happen to know anyone who fits the bill?”

“I do, actually.” A voice cut in from the backseat, half a head popping into view of the camera. Your eyes lit up, your smile blinding as you recognized the boy in view.

“Sam!” You exclaimed, barely noticing Jake landing a sharp smack on his arm. He didn’t have much time to greet you, because Jake was pushing him back into his seat and telling him to mind his own business.

“Sorry ‘bout him.” Jake cleared his throat, sending a threatening stare over his shoulder. “You know how he is. Loves being the center of attention, and he never got over that crush he had in the eighth grade.” You heard a shout of protest from the backseat, but neither of you paid any mind to it.

“Sounds like someone else I know.” You gave a playful roll of your eyes, teasing him despite there being some truth to the statement.

“Kiszka curse, I suppose.” He shrugged. “What else did you find, Mel?”

“In 2014, you said your weakness was sunshine.” Mel continued, looking back at the book to double check if the statement was correct. “You like the sun, Jacob?” He chuckled to himself, his eyes sparkling with nothing but adoration as he watched your face. He continued to focus on you as he replied.

“Yeah, I do. I love sunshine, Mel. Always have.” Your entire body warmed with the sweetness of his words, your stomach filled with butterflies and your heartbeat rapidly against your chest.

“Hmm,” she hummed, an evil little smirk on her lips. “Who would’ve thought?”

“Alright, that’s enough.” You huffed, trying your best to digest his words and move on from the subject. Focusing on it would do nothing but worsen the blossoming feelings in your chest, and you were doing everything in your power to keep them at bay. “Where are you headed, anyway?” You tried to change the topic, hoping it would lessen the tugging of your heartstrings.

“I’m glad you asked, sunshine.” He grinned, making the intent of his last statement even more obvious. “Since we’ve got a few weeks before our next show, the boys and I got to talking, and we decided to visit home for a few days.”

“Home?” You asked, leaning forward in your seat at the new information. “Like, Michigan?” You tried not to let your excitement get the best of you, but your hands were vibrating, making it difficult to hold the phone steady. The prospect of possibly being able to see Jake again, in person rather than through a screen, was almost too much to take.

“Where else, sweetheart?” He smiled, noticing your eyes light up at the realization. Of course, to his brothers, Michigan was home. To him though, the state had little to do with the homesickness ravaging his heart. The only thing that made it feel like home was you, and that’s exactly what he was headed towards. Like an invisible rope tying the two of you together, he’d been feeling the pull ever since you decided to break the no contact rule you had put in place so long ago.

“You’re really on your way here?” You asked, needing the confirmation to believe he was telling the truth.

“Here now, actually. Checked into the hotel a few hours ago and we’re headed to see our parents.” He clarified further, sending a small smile your way.

“So that’s why you’ve barely been texting me!” You exclaimed, finally piecing the two together. “You suck at lying, and you’re terrible at keeping secrets.” You giggled, knowing it for a fact and knowing it better than anyone else. Every gift, every date, every moment spent together was never anything close to a surprise, but it was perfectly fine by you; you loved the excitement in his eyes when he was about to share something with you, loving you so much that he couldn’t bear to keep a single thought to himself.

“Yeah, yeah, you caught me.” He conceded, knowing there was no winning that fight. “If you’re free tonight, I’d love to see you. Maybe take you out for dinner or a drink, for old times sake?” He offered, holding his breath as he awaited a reply. He’d been eager to ask, but anxious about your response, spending the entire drive psyching himself up to find the courage.

You were stunned at the idea, unable to believe that his first thought was you, that he would miss out on precious time spent with his family to take you out to dinner. You wanted to go, more than anything else in the world, but you couldn’t deny the nervous energy that filled you as soon as he suggested it. So far, it had been incredibly difficult to keep your feelings to yourself as you spent countless hours on the phone with him, and you knew it would be even harder if he was right in front of you. In fact, you knew it would be impossible to think of anything other than the way you felt about him, and that made you want to decline.

Still, you were so scared of getting your heart broken that you were willing to deny yourself of the only thing you ever wanted.

As sneakily as possible, Mel reached forward and delivered a sharp smack to your leg, snapping you from your thoughts and forcing you to answer. “I, uh… I’d love to, Jake. I just gotta check and make sure there’s nothing planned, you know? I-I just want to make sure before I say yes.”

You couldn’t see her, but the eye roll Mel found herself giving was glaringly obvious to Jake, who could see her plain as day in the background.

“She’d love to go, Jake. We have absolutely nothing planned.” Mel corrected, doing her best not to deliver another hit to your leg for being so ridiculous. You bit down on your tongue, your stomach swirling with anxiety as you looked at the clock on the wall. “Right, Y/N?”

“Right.” You squeaked, knowing there was no backing out, now. “Nothing planned.” You forced a smile on your face, trying your best to stay calm. You felt like running a lap around the house, just to rid yourself of the nervous jitters that began to creep up on you. You wanted to see him so badly, but you had no idea how to keep it PG with him. How could you when he looked so fucking stunning, all of the time?

“Okay.” Jake chuckled, noticing the tension between you. “If you’ve got nothing else going on, I can pick you up at six?” He asked, making sure the time was good for you.

“Six is great.” Mel assured him. “See you soon! Can’t wait to meet you!” She sang, reaching over and hitting the end call button in a flash. As soon as the call disconnected, you whipped around to face her, a grievous look in your eye.

“Nothing planned!? Six is great?!” You shouted, furious with her for forcing your hand in the matter.

“Oh my god, Y/N! What is wrong with you?” She groaned, covering her face with her hands to hide her secondhand embarrassment. “The man of your dreams magically shows up after six years, drives to Michigan just to see you, and you have to check if you have other plans?!”

“You don’t get to decide that for me!” You exploded, sitting completely upright in your seat. “What if I’m not ready for this? How am I supposed to keep it casual when I’m still in love with the guy?!” She closed her eyes, calming herself down before she reached forward. Both of her hands landed on your shoulders, her grip firm as she literally shook you out of your own thoughts.

“Listen to me.” She urged. “Stop trying to ruin this for yourself! This is the opportunity of a lifetime, Y/N. Don’t you get that? He loves you, you love him, stop trying to run away from it!” She gave you a small shake with every word that fell from her lips. As she spoke, you managed to swallow back the ball of anxiety that was choking you, allowing you to breathe for a second.

“I’m scared, Mel. I’m terrified. Don’t you get that?” You sighed, reaching up and holding her arms to ground yourself. You closed your eyes and let your head fall towards the floor. “He was my biggest heartbreak, and my greatest love. It’s fantastic that he’s back in my life, but I’m so scared of losing him that it makes me want to tell him to leave. I don’t want to open my heart up like that again, because it nearly killed me last time.”

“Stop living in the future, and stop thinking about the past.” She said, her voice much softer as she understood your fears a little better. “Think about you, right now. Think about how happy you are when you talk to him, about how good it makes you feel. Babe, you haven’t been this happy in… well, ever. Open your heart a little bit. Let him in. You don’t have to give everything all at once, but you can’t give him nothing at all.”

“That’s the hard part. I’ve never known how to meet in the middle. I want to give him everything, all of the time.” You groaned. You let your head fall back on your shoulders, resting against the back of the chair as you bargained with her. She had good points, but she didn’t know the version of you that was in love with Jake. She didn’t know how much you would give just to make him happy, how much you would give just to love him.

“The universe gave you a chance to start over, Y/N. You have to take it.” She sighed, knowing that she was wasting her breath. “Don’t shut him out, because in six years, we’ll be sitting here doing this all over again.” You stayed silent for a moment, biting down on the inside of your lip as you contemplated everything she had to say.

Could you really force yourself away from him? Could you really walk away after spending so long eager to run back to him? Could you stomach the pain of sitting here again in the future, suffering because you let him slip through your fingers twice?

Of course you couldn’t; Jake was the whole reason your heart beat, the thing that forced you out of bed and the last thought that lulled you to sleep. He was the birds singing in the morning sky, and the stars twinkling in unison with the moonlight. He was the only thing you wanted, and he was the whole world.

You wanted to love him until you couldn’t possibly love any more, and even then you would try harder. He was worth it to you; the risk, the pain, the sadness and sacrifice was all worth a minute of his time, and a single second of his love.

“Okay.” You breathed, slapping your palms down onto your knees. “I have to take it.” You agreed, giving a curt nod of your head. You were terrified, horrified at the thought of this meaning something different to him as it did to you. You couldn’t stomach the idea of him showing up at your door and realizing that he didn’t want you like he thought he did, but you stood anyhow, glancing at the clock as you worked up the courage to take a step. “Oh, god.” You whined, feeling the pre-date panic begin to set in. “I only have an hour.”

“Let’s get to work, then.” She grinned, happy to hear you were finally on the same page. “You go shower, I’ll find you something to wear.” She said, ushering you out the door.

“Yeah, okay.” You agreed, rushing towards the hallway and into the bathroom. You shut the door behind you, your heart pounding in your chest and your mind racing. You took a long breath to calm yourself, then discarded your clothes on the floor. You flipped the shower on, stepping in as the water warmed. You washed your hair, letting the conditioner sit in while you washed the rest of your body. As you were clipping the mound of hair to the top of your head, you heard a knock at the door. Within a few moments, it was open and Mel was talking.

“Are you shaving?”

“Get out.” You laughed, finding her invasive nature comforting. She had always been the same, overbearing and a little controlling, but for the best reasons. You were grateful for her, even if she was a little much, especially in such a chaotic time. “Should I shave? Is sex implied?” You asked, beginning to panic again. “Is sex implied?” You asked again, a little more frantic.

“You should shave.” She said, simple but very clear with her intent. Your stomach twisted with another wave of nerves, but you obliged anyway.

When you were clean, she left you alone to dry yourself off. You did your skincare as fast as you could, securing the towel around your body as you walked back to your room to see what outfit she had chosen for you. She stood by the bed, hand on her hip as three outfits laid out on the mattress, awaiting your decision. You stepped forward, looking at all of them before turning your head towards her, your eyes wide and your lips turned down into a frown.

“Mel!” You scolded, noticing that all of the choices seemed to be lacking one thing; coverage. She picked the skimpiest outfits she could find, and with your eyes on the clock, you felt your anxiety begin to take over once again. “I can’t wear any of this!”

“Sure you can!” She smiled, moving to pick a dress up from the bed. She held it to her body, her eyebrows raised as she waited to hear your thoughts.

“I’m going on a date, not a frat party!” You exclaimed, stressed that she was so insistent on you wearing one of the three. The clothes looked like they walked straight out of her freshman year closet, much too wild for the woman who she was trying to force them upon.

“Ugh, fine.” She rolled her eyes, turning back to a box on the floor. “I knew you’d argue with me, so here.” She sighed, picking a dress from the top. Your shoulders relaxed as your eyes drifted over the soft, red material.

“That’s better.” You said, a wordless thank you in your tone as you grabbed it. Once you were back in the bathroom, you dropped the towel and slipped the dress over your head. You fixed the spaghetti straps and settled the slip on your legs. The flowy material was as comfortable as it was pretty, and the neckline showed just enough to catch his eye, but not enough to show off. “Much better.” You muttered to yourself, smiling at your reflection in the mirror.

“Are you decent?” Mel asked through the door, impatiently waiting in the hall.

“Yes.” You rolled your eyes, twisting the knob and opening the door to let her inside.

“That looks really good on you.” She complimented, straightening the back of the skirt as she set your makeup bags on the counter. Under her arm was a curling iron, a blow dryer and a box of rollers.

“Thanks.” You hummed, drumming your fingers against the countertop. The surplus of energy coursing through you was unlike anything you’d ever felt before, and you could barely hold yourself still.

“Hey,” she spoke softly, catching your attention as she unraveled the cord for the blow dryer. “Relax. It’s gonna be fine.” She assured you, plugging the cord into the wall.

“You’re right.” You breathed, pulling the towel from your head. “It’s just been so long since I’ve seen him. I’m really nervous.”

“Really? Couldn’t tell.” She chuckled, bringing the blow dryer to your hair as she combed through it. It didn’t take long for the strands to dry and she was plugging the curling iron in to warm. While you waited, you started on your makeup, checking the time to make sure you weren’t running late.

You took a break from makeup while she curled the ends of your hair, twisting the locks around the rollers and pinning them to your head to set. She finished with the hair framing your face, and you continued to paint your face in the mirror. When you swiped on a layer of lip gloss, you leaned in to get a closer look, fixing any imperfections as you studied your reflection.

“You look beautiful.” She said, easing your worries. As she pulled the rollers from your hair, she gave a small spray of hairspray to each one, then combed it all out for you. “And just on time.” She said, tapping your phone screen to check the clock.

“Thank you for your help. I’m sorry I got so… worked up.” You murmured, guilty over your harsh words and stubborn attitude.

“No need to apologize. I know you, babe. I know what I signed up for.” She giggled, fluffing your hair ever so slightly. She pulled a few curls over your shoulder, then nudged you towards the door. “He should be here any minute.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Always am.” She grinned, pulling the door open and allowing you to step out first.

You stopped by your bedroom, grabbing your purse and clasping a gold chain around your neck. You rummaged around an old jewelry box, finding some gold hoops to go with it, and sprayed on some perfume. When you felt certain you were ready, you made your way towards the stairs. Before your foot even hit the top step, you heard the doorbell chime, and your stomach plummeted. Mel was behind you, close enough to ensure you would turn and hide. You swallowed hard, slowly making your way down the steps. Your palms were clammy and your chest was tight, but you couldn’t ignore the excitement blossoming deep in your heart.

Your mom had rushed to the door, uncertain of who could be visiting so late in the evening. You felt bad, realizing you should have told her long before that moment. As your feet hit the linoleum of the kitchen floor, you heard a loud noise, your mothers excitement almost too much for her to handle. “Jacob Kiszka, look at you!” She fawned over the man that stood before her, her voice echoing through the entire house. Your steps became slower, shorter as you grew closer to the entryway. Mel was behind you, encouraging you to keep moving forward despite your mind begging you to run away. “Gosh, you’re all grown up now. Another one of my babies.” You could hear her tone become muffled, likely because he’d pulled her into a hug, because he’d always been so loving to her, too.

“You ready?” Mel whispered, her chin practically resting on your shoulder.

“Not at all.” You shook your head, more anxious than you’d ever been.

“Y/N! Come look who’s here!” Your mom shouted into the hallway, not realizing you were standing a few feet away from her. With one last breath of courage, you rounded the corner and stepped into view.

Jake’s POV

As she appeared in front of you, you were certain the world stopped turning. There seemed to be a golden glow surrounding her, radiating from her as she stepped towards you; sunshine, but even brighter and more beautiful than the burnt up old star in the sky. A long forgotten warmth washed over you, comforting and loving, just like it felt to be in her company when you were eighteen. She was different, her face reflecting the time that had passed but leaving her even more beautiful than she was before. The smile on her lips nearly sent you to your knees before her, begging for just one more chance to show her how much she meant to you, but you kept your composure as you studied her.

There were freckles splattered across the bridge of her nose, the ones that splayed into perfect little constellations you once considered yourself an expert on. They only came out in the summertime, when her days were spent outside and under the sun that could only envy her and the light she provided. The dress she was wearing stopped mid thigh, showing off the knees that were still littered with scars from years spent riding bikes and tripping over shoelaces. Her hair was much longer, like she hadn’t cut it at all since you last saw her, and it too was graced by the sun and lighter than it was in the winter months.

The crinkles by her eyes when she smiled, so similar to how they were when you were in high school, but just a little more pronounced. Age had been kind to her, and you were certain that as the years continued to pass, she would only ever grow more beautiful.

You were nervous, your entire day leaving you near insanity as you planned and perfected the evening, and insanity creeping closer as you called to ask her to join you for the night. You knew her hesitation was likely due to the same reasons as your own, but you couldn’t help the stab in your chest you felt when Mel answered for her. Now, seeing her all dolled up and sheepish as she stood before you, her hands linked together in front of her as she shied away from eye contact, you knew she wanted to see you as bad as you wanted to see her.

After six years spent wandering, aimless and hopeful for something to change, it finally did. The struggle, the fear and the hurt all made sense, because she was standing in front of you again.

She was still yours, just like you were still very much hers.

Her POV

As your eyes connected with his own, you nearly fell to your knees in grief. In a single second, you found yourself mourning the boy you used to love and falling desperately for the man who stood in his place. His hair was even longer than it seemed in the video calls, framing the perfect picture of his face. It was pushed back slightly by the sunglasses sat atop his head, keeping the strands from his eyes. His eyes, brown and beautiful, giving you that long awaited relief from your everlasting sense of homesickness.

He was wearing a tan button up shirt, only the last three buttons secure. Over top was a white, weathered blazer, loose on him and the sleeves cuffed once off his wrists. His pants matched the color of the blazer, the button up tucked in messily and the peek of a brown leather belt showing. There was a pendant around his neck, drawing your attention to his chest that was exposed through the peek of his shirt. There was a watch around his wrist, and a ring on his middle finger.

He was positively beautiful, and you couldn’t manage to take your eyes off of him.

“Oh my god.” Mel whispered, just quiet enough for you to hear. She was thinking all the same things, and you couldn’t blame her a bit. He was gorgeous, and you were doing everything in your power not to run straight into his arms.

The only thing that made the scene better was the fact his eyes were raking over you, admiring you with the same intensity.

“Long time no see, sunshine.” He rasped, unable to tear his gaze away from you. You took a step towards him, your previous fears and worries fleeing you in an instant. Like all of those years ago, there was this irresistible pull towards him, like the universe was forcing the two of you together.

“Jake, you look…” you trailed off, your voice quiet as you approached him. “So different.” You chose your words carefully, not wanting to come on too strong.

“In a good way, I hope.” He grinned, stepping forward out of the doorway. You were close enough that you could smell his cologne, the sandalwood and amber taking over your senses and wrapping you in a familiar comfort. It was almost the same, but a little more expensive and much more tempting.

“Are you kidding?” You giggled, watching as he extended his arm and invited you in for a hug. You finally surpassed the small boundary still existing between you and fell into his arms. Your own wrapped around his torso, your chest landing against his and your head naturally falling to his shoulder. One of his strong arms snaked around your waist, his opposite hand cupping the back of your head as he held you to him.

After six years of suffering, the world finally felt right.

“You look absolutely breathtaking, sweetheart. Just like always.” He whispered, just loud enough to reach your ears. His chest rattled against your own as his words vibrated through him, only drawing you further into his touch. Despite your mother and your best friend watching the long and drawn out reunion, you never wanted him to let go. Eventually, he pulled back ever so slightly, looking down over your face but not easing his grip on you. “You always knew how to leave me speechless.”

“Don’t sound very speechless to me.” You giggled, finding the comfortability between you the same as it was so long ago.

“God,” he sighed, taking your face in his hands. His hold was gentle, his thumb gently caressing your cheek as he took in the sight of your face. It had been so long since he had you so close, and he wasn’t sure if he could ever let it go again. “It’s so good to see you, sunshine.” Your hands rested on his sides, the material of his shirt felt nice in your hands as you held him close.

“You too, bug.” You smiled, your cheeks rosy and your head swirling with excitement. “I like the mustache.” You fought the urge to reach up and touch it, knowing you would be opening a door you’d never be able to close.

“Yeah?” He chuckled, his eyes twinkling with love, just like they did when you were kids.

“Definitely. You should keep it.” You whispered, finding yourself caught in a staring contest. Neither of you seemed keen on pulling away, nor did you seem to want to stop the pull of gravity forcing you together.

“If you say so.” He chuckled, knowing now that you said that, he’d never want to shave it off.

“Let me introduce you to Mel, then we can get going.” You breathed, your stomach sick at the thought of pulling away from him. His hand drifted down your cheek, his calloused fingertips tickling your neck as he made sure to admire every inch of you. He didn’t want to separate either, but he knew he had a whole night of having you to himself.

“Yeah, f’course.” He nodded, letting his hand ghost over your shoulder and down your arm. The light touch sent a shiver down your spine, your skin littered with goosebumps and the hair on the back of your neck standing straight. You couldn’t believe he still had such an effect on you.

You took a step back, noticing his fingers trail all the way down your forearm and lightly dust your own. You had to fight every urge not to interlock your fingers with his, trying to push the thought from your head as you turned to face Mel.

“This is Jake.” You said, sending her a nervous smile.

“Nice to finally meet you, Jacob. I’m Mel.” She stepped forward, extending her hand for him to shake. “I’ve heard lots about you.”

“Good things, I hope.” He gave a nervous chuckle, accepting her gesture. “I’ve heard lots about you, too.”

“All bad things, I assume.” At that, the two shared a laugh, the nerves of the first meeting wearing off immediately. You couldn’t help but feel your heart warm at the sight of them laughing together, your two favorite people in the whole world.

“Thanks for letting me steal her from you tonight.” He smiled, feeling a need to express his gratitude.

“Take care of her, okay?” She asked, sending a soft smile your way. “Not much we don’t do together, so someone has to keep her out of trouble.”

“You have my word.” He promised, knowing he would always do everything he could to keep you safe. He turned to you, eager to get you alone so he could finally catch up with you properly.

“You ready to head out?” You asked, catching his eye.

“Yeah,” he nodded, but seemed slightly hesitant on the idea. You cocked your head to the side, curious about his reaction. “I just… before we do, can I meet your cat?” He asked, almost embarrassed by the question. You swallowed hard, your heart drumming in your chest as you tried not to melt into a puddle of emotion before his very eyes.

“Let me get him.” Mel grinned, stepping back into the kitchen and grabbing a bag of treats from the counter. She gave it a shake, the familiar sound filling the stale air. When it was met with silence, she gave it another shake, louder and slightly more aggressive. Within a few seconds, the jingle of a bell could be heard, and Ozz came bounding down the stairs, enticed by the idea of getting something to eat.

Once he was within range, Mel reached down and scooped him up in her arms. He let out a meow of protest, but snuggled into her hold despite his feelings on the matter. She rejoined the group, offering Jake the bag of treats as she held the little black cat to her chest.

“Me?” He asked, taking them from her and looking at the bag in surprise.

“What better way to make a first impression?” You giggled, watching as he opened the ziplock bag and poured a few out in his hand. Ozz’s ears perked up, his head turning towards Jake as he realized what was happening. Jake stepped forward, offering the treats straight from his hand. Ozz leaned forward, giving a hesitant sniff as he tried to decide if Jake was a threat, but eventually fell to the temptation of food.

You couldn’t help but admire the sweetness of the moment, noticing the childlike glee in Jake’s eyes as he tried to make a bond with the pet you dreamed of having since you were young. When the treats were gone, he reached up and scratched behind his ear. Ozz’s eyes closed and you could hear him purring even from a distance. Jake was precious, in every moment of every day, and you couldn’t deny the tugging of your heartstrings as you watched the scene unfold.

“I think he likes you.” You stated, your arms crossed over your chest as a smile pulled at your lips.

“He passed the test.” Mel agreed, looking between the two of you. Eventually, her eyes settled on Jake and she stepped closer, offering her arms out to him. “You want to hold him.”

“W-what?” Jake asked, almost nervous at the thought. “I mean, yeah. S’long as he’s okay with it.”

“Trust me, he’ll be fine with it.” You chuckled, watching as Jake slowly took the cat from her arms. With little problem, Ozz seemed to settle comfortably, looking up in curiosity at the unfamiliar, long-haired man. “Told you.” You said, watching as Ozz leaned closer to his face, nuzzling his head into his cheek.

“You used to talk about getting a cat all of the time.” Jake said, content with the curious cat in his arms as he looked over at you. “I’m so glad you finally did.”

“I did talk about it a lot, didn’t I?” You blushed slightly, surprised he remembered so well.

“All of the time.” He stressed his point, grinning at the memory. “He’s a sweet little thing.” Jake commented, his eyes flickering away from you for a moment. “Just like his mother.” He muttered the second part, just under his breath. You swallowed hard, your heart racing at the sound of his words. The whole thing was nearly overwhelming for you, the picture of the two too much to handle.

“Mind if I get a picture?” You asked, pulling your phone from your purse. You looked to him for approval, knowing that you wanted to remember the moment forever.

“You don’t have to ask.” He rolled his eyes, playful as you aimed your camera at him. You snapped a few pictures, your stomach twisting with an unfamiliar feeling as you selected all of them to add to an album. You scrolled all the way to the end of the page, your eyes landing on an empty album with the same name as it had all those years ago. You could handle deleting the pictures, but not the chapter in its entirety.

A small smile crossed your lips as your phone confirmed the addition to the album, the words flashing across your screen and causing your heart to beat just a little harder.

Three photos added to album: mi amor ❤️

Oh, how good it felt for there to be pictures filling it once again.

“Alright, you ready?” You giggled, watching as the curious little creature raised his head towards Jake’s, sniffing intently as he tried to familiarize himself with him.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He laughed, but didn’t seem keen on parting with Ozz. You stepped forward, catching the cat’s attention by placing a soft hand on his back. He let out a ‘mmrph’, turning to look at you and giving a slow blink. You leaned in closer, nudging the top of his head with your nose as you held yourself back from kissing him. As you found yourself immersed in the moment, you barely noticed Mel behind you, snapping a photo of the three of you together.

Carefully, you took the cat from his arms and placed him down on the floor. Then, you handed the bag of treats back to Mel. You slipped on a pair of heels you’d worn when you went to the bar a few days ago, deciding they were good enough for the occasion. Jake gave you a soft smile, his hand ghosting over your lower back as you raised your leg to tighten the strap around your heel. He was barely touching you, but your stomach was filled with butterflies, perhaps more so because of his undying need to keep you safe.

“Alright, I’ll see you later.” You turned to look at your best friend, who had a knowing look in her eye. She wouldn’t be seeing you until long after the sun rose in the sky tomorrow, but she kept that thought to herself.

“See you soon.” She replied, her eyes flickering to Jake. “Nice to meet you, finally.” She extended the sentiment towards him and he reiterated it to her. With a gentle hand, he guided you towards the door, patiently waiting as your mom pulled you into a hug.

She placed a small kiss on your cheek, holding you there for a moment to fully express her happiness for you. “Have fun, lovebug. Be safe.”

“I will, I promise.” You whispered, holding her just a little tighter. Your mom had been there for everything, celebrating every happy day and holding you for the worst of them. Still, despite seeing so many tears fall for the boy who now stood behind you, a mother’s instinct always told her that the story wasn’t over for the two of you. Seeing you back together, no matter how innocent the situation was, made the world seem right again. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she stressed, fixing the chain around your neck. “I can’t wait to hear all about it.” She hummed, just loud enough for you to hear. With that, you stepped towards the door, watching as she pulled Jake into another hug. “Always good to see you, Jacob. Try not to wait so long before your next visit, alright?”

“Of course.” He promised, sending her a smile. With that, he turned to you, and you continued on your way.

When the door shut behind him, you finally felt reality begin to catch up and the nervousness return. You dreamed of this moment for so long, and now that it was finally happening, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. He walked up beside you, looking to his side so he could catch sight of your face again. When you noticed his eyes on you, you felt your cheeks heat and your palms turn clammy. He was the same person you loved so dearly, but he was so different. You had no idea where to start, what to ask to get to know him again, and you were panicking at the silence between you. You wondered what he was thinking, if he was just as nervous as you were, or if he was as cool and collected as he was when you were kids, when nothing seemed to phase him.

“You hungry?” He finally asked, starting easy as he opened the passenger side door for you.

“Yeah, are you?” You asked, relieved that he didn’t mind taking the initiative.

“Starving.” He replied, a far away look in his eyes and he tucked your dress under your leg, not wanting it to catch in the door as he shut it. When he closed it and began walking around to the drivers side, you took a second to ponder what exactly he meant by that. His response was fitting for the conversation, but the expression on his face was something you had seen a hundred times, and you were certain it had little to do with the desire for dinner.

You swallowed hard as he climbed into the vehicle with you, starting it and turning down the radio. Before he backed out of the driveway, he took a moment to admire you.

“You look beautiful, sunshine.” He said again, making sure you knew he meant it. A small smile crossed your lips, and your stomach twisted with nerves as his hand raised to the headrest of your seat. He planted his palm firmly on the back of it, looking over his shoulder as he reversed out onto the street. The smell of his cologne hit you with full force, stronger now that you were contained in the small space. You held yourself in place, trying to ignore the urge to lean into his open arm.

It was so easy to fall back into the old routine, like no time had passed at all.

“You look pretty good yourself.” You said, shyly as you let your eyes take in the entire picture of him. “Europe treated you well.” He chuckled at your words, a little bashful himself over your comment. There was so much truth to the fact, his normally tanned skin even more sunkissed and all the more alluring. He was glowing, his hair lighter than usual and his face soft and smooth. He looked expensive, iridescent as the evening sunlight pooled in through the windshield, like he omitted his own, irresistible aura.

“Guess it did,” he shrugged, trying to play it off as if it were nothing. “Lots of sights to see, lots of days spent in the sun, and wine better than you could ever imagine.”

“Don’t make me jealous, now.” You grinned, relaxing into your seat a little more as the conversation flowed easily.

“No need to be jealous, sweetheart. I’ll take you someday, you can see it for yourself.” You couldn’t help but feel your heart beat faster at the idea, wondering if he truly meant it or if it was just because he was trying to be nice.

“Big plans, I see.” You grinned, finding yourself unable to take your eyes off of him.

“Always, sunshine.” He hummed, nodding ever so slightly as he drove through the old suburbs. “If you want to, of course.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed.” You replied, swallowing hard at the sight of one of his hands wrapped firmly around the steering wheel. His other arm rested against the door, his hand slightly hanging out the window rolled all the way down. The warm air filled the car, the chill of the AC hitting your exposed legs at the same time, sending you back to a time you remember fondly.

You wondered if he missed the Michigan summers as much as you did, the sticky air sweet and your days spent by the lake trying to combat the heat. You wondered if he remembered all the nights spent on your rooftop, overlooking the neighborhood as the smell of smoke clung to his clothes and the taste of sweet strawberry wine lingered on your lips. A cigarette between his fingers and his arm wrapped around you, pulling you closer as you stared up at the twinkling stars, the grasshoppers bountiful and the owls hooting in the distance.

You wanted to ask, but you couldn’t bear the thought of him not adoring the memories as much as you did. Worse than that, you couldn’t imagine the time being lost on him, shoved so deep down and buried underneath the surplus of memories he’d created after you left.

“Any restaurant in mind, or do you trust me?” He asked, his eyes flickering over to you.

“I trust you.” You assured him, knowing that if trust was a problem, it was never with him.

“Good, ‘cause I already called and ordered for us. That would’ve been awkward.”

He ordered something for you? He was that confident that after six years, he still knew what you would want to eat?

“Planning ahead?” You teased, crossing your hands neatly in your lap so you didn’t reach out to grab his own.

“Yeah, sorry.” He chuckled. “I was excited, I get ahead of myself sometimes.”

“That’s okay.” You promised, the sentiment behind his actions warning your chest. “What did you get?” You asked, unable to curb your curiosity. He shifted in his seat, clearly affected by your question and conflicted as he tried to keep the surprise.

“You’ll… have to wait and see.” He forced out, his lips curling into a smile.

“Oh, come on, Jake.” You pressed further, knowing it wouldn’t take much to get him to crack. “Not even a hint?”

“Don’t do that to me, sunshine.” He warned, nearly squirming under the pressure. You bit down on the inside of your lip, happy to see that some things were still the same. Jake’s ability to keep secrets had always been a struggle for him, and you knew that no amount of time could rid him of that.

“Please?” You smirked, pouting your bottom lip ever so slightly. You watched him look at you through the corner of his eye, his sunglasses not able to cover the stress quickly filling his features.

“Fuck,” he huffed, trying to focus on the road. “You’re killing me, sweetheart.”

“Just tell me, bug. You know you want to.” You continued your torment, almost letting yourself reach out and place a hand on his knee. As soon as you realized what you were doing, you clasped your hands tighter together, not wanting to read too far into a story you weren’t sure was beginning.

“Chinese, from that little place we used to go to when we were kids.” He rushed the words, like he’d hit a wall and collapsed from the impact. At the sound of it, your eyes lit up and a blinding smile crossed your lips.

He remembered.

“We went on our first date there!” You exclaimed, twisting in your seat to get a better look at him. “In the tenth grade, your parents sat a few tables over from us.”

“Yeah,” he beamed, almost relieved that you recalled the date with such clarity, and even more so that you didn’t think it was weird. “Dad gave me his card to pay, so I could impress you.”

“I guess it worked out, didn’t it?” You replied, your cheeks pink as you remembered how excited you were. It was almost the same as you were feeling at that moment, on your way to your second first date.

Date.

Was this a date? Or was this just old friends catching up?

You were confused and conflicted, and a part of you wanted to believe the night had innocent intentions. Still, there was a larger, more complex part of yourself that desperately wanted it to be a date, and for him to say it was. Instead of asking, you pushed the thought away, knowing you would find out in due time.

“It did. For a while, at least.” He chuckled, unable to hide the flash of pain in his eyes as he said it. “This time, we aren’t eating in. I have other plans for tonight.”

“Oh?” You asked, understanding he’d been planning this out much more than you thought he was.

“Please, let me keep it a secret, sunshine. Promise it’ll be worth it, okay?” He said, looking over at you now. Your lips pulled into a tight smile as you debated his words, knowing it would be more fun to push him.

“Promise?” You reiterated, making him sweat a little bit.

“Pinky promise, sunshine.” He said, grasping the wheel tightly in one hand as he reached his other out to you, his pinky extended towards you. You reached up, interlocking your finger with his.

“Alright, bug.” You conceded, trying to ignore the shock of electricity running through you from the simple touch.

“Thank you.” He gave a sigh of relief, looking back to the road but making no move to pull his hand away. Your eyes drifted down to the point of connection between your hands, wondering why he was letting it linger for so long. His eyes flickered to meet yours, a silent question of your comfortability with his actions.

He wanted it too.

Wordlessly, you outstretched your hand, your fingertips tickling his palm as you laced the appendages between his own. You never let your eyes leave him as you did so, continuing on high alert until his hand was comfortably held in your own and his thumb was drifting across your knuckles. You ignored the small smile tugging on his lips, because you knew if you called him out on it, you would be a hypocrite. He lowered his arm, letting your intertwined hands rest on your thigh, testing the waters before making any further moves. When you didn’t say a word in protest, both of you relaxed into the position without any more worries.

“Tell me about Mel.” He said, finally gaining the courage to speak again.

“What do you want to know?”

“Well, everything.” He chuckled. “She’s your person, now. I used to be your person, so I guess I want to know if she’s taking care of you, like I would.” He shrugged, never once glancing in your direction. You were happy for that, because you couldn’t stand for him to see the pain on your face that stemmed from his words.

“Jake,” you whispered, giving your head a slight shake. “You… you still are. Even if it’s not the same, you’ll always be my person.” You explained, appalled that he believed that he didn’t mean anything to you anymore. “One of them, at least. Back then, I only ever had you and Josh, but I have a few more now, I guess. You’re still one of them. You never stopped being one of them.” You swore that you heard his breath catch in his throat, that his emotional response was so great that it bled into a physical one, but you didn’t linger on it for long. The whole situation was strange, but you didn’t want to get your hopes too high, just in case it turned out to be different than what you wanted.

“You never stopped being mine, either.” He said, his hand squeezing yours ever so gently. You tried not to focus on the feeling, still stuck in a constant state of self-doubt, but it felt nice to be loved by him, even if it was different than it used to be. “Tell me about her, sunshine.” He urged, noticing a silence growing between you again. In truth, he didn’t care if that’s what it was about; he just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.

“Uh, we met in freshman year. We sat beside each other in our first lit class. Took us a few days to speak to each other, but once we did, we never really stopped.” You started, recounting the memory fondly. “When I first moved away, I had a really hard time adjusting. The people there were… different.” You put it lightly, ignoring the real reason you had trouble adjusting. It had nothing to do with the type of people there, but because none of them were him. “They were expensive looking, preppy and kind of annoying. They were very judgemental, ‘specially the girls, and I didn’t really feel like I fit in. It was a lot different than home, and it took me a while to get used to it.”

You could almost hear his heart break as you spoke, like he was grieving for that version of you. More than that, he was angry with himself for not being persistent, for not being the person you needed at that point in your life.

“I noticed Mel was different. The way she held herself… she was relaxed, carefree all of the time. She reminded me of home, and she felt like someone I could trust, or at least talk to without feeling stupid about it. I made a joke about our professor, and we just clicked. We did everything together after that—partnered for every project, went to parties, to run errands…” you trailed off, watching out the windshield as the city passed you by. “She felt like home, and I guess I missed it more than I thought I would. She reminded me of you.” You added the last part, quieter than the rest in fear of overwhelming him. You watched as a smile turned his lips, understanding that with Jake, you didn’t have to worry about a thing.

“I’m glad you found her. She seems very…” he trailed off, trying to find the right word. “Eccentric.” He placed it, figuring that was the best way to describe her.

“She is.” You laughed, nodding your head in agreement. “She’s different from anyone else I’ve ever met. She’s got this way about her that just draws me in, like she always balances me out and makes up for what I lack. We have lots in common where it matters, but it’s nice to have someone that challenges me. I don’t know what I’d do without her.” You shrugged, realizing you were rambling more than you should.

“I’m excited to get to know her better. If you love her so much, she must be pretty great.” He said, nonchalantly like his statement wasn’t dripping with hidden meaning.

He wanted to get to know her better because he wanted to stick around. He wanted to stay, to continue whatever the two of you were doing and rebuild a relationship between the two of you. He wanted to know her, because she was the closest thing to you.

He wanted you.

You didn’t have time to focus on the unspoken things for much longer, because he was pulling into the hidden parking lot of the restaurant you frequented so often when you were younger. He glanced over at you, then down at your hand intertwined with his, almost sorrowful that he had to let go.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” He said, unbuckling his seatbelt before he pulled his hand from your lap. You gave a slight nod, immediately noticing the warmth flee you as his fingers slipped away from your own. You didn’t have a chance to offer your company before he stepped out of the car, and he disappeared into the side door of the building before you realized it.

You looked down at your palm, still warm from where his own rested just seconds earlier. His cologne lingered in the air of the car, and your stomach was twisted with anxiety. You had no idea what he was planning, but you were excited to see where the night left you. It had been so long since you had been on a date, let alone with someone who so deeply affected you, and you had almost forgotten how to act.

No, you hadn’t forgotten how to act; you were just in your own head, doubting that the evening he had planned was a date at all.

That was your first course of action, to ask if the night had the same implications for him as it did for you. If you didn’t, you might end up on your front doorstep, grieving a loss he never knew he caused. You were terrified to ask, embarrassed at the idea of it not meaning the same to him, but you needed to know.

You spent your few minutes of alone time psyching yourself up for the big question, finding courage you didn’t know you had. By the time he stepped out of the building, the brown bag of takeout held tightly in his hands, you had enough strength to whisper the words aloud. When he placed the food in the backseat, you were repeating it in your head to keep the momentum. When he slid back in the driver's seat, his head turned to look at you and a sweet little smile on his lips, any amount of strength you conjured disappeared in an instant, leaving your tongue tied and your throat dry.

“What’s wrong, sunshine?” He asked, able to read you like a book even now. You swallowed hard, your heart threatening to burst out of your chest as you tried to remember how to phrase the words you wanted to ask him. He raised an eyebrow at your silence, still awaiting an answer you weren’t sure how to give. Eventually, you took a deep breath, your eyes fluttering closed for a moment to straighten your thoughts. You found that looking at him only made it harder to focus, and without his eyes burning holes into you, you were able to find the courage again.

“Is this… are we on a date?” You blurted out, heaving a small sigh of relief as the words finally passed through your lips. Anxiety continued to eat away at you as you opened your eyes, catching sight of his expression. His eyebrows were knitted together, but the smile on his lips remained. He was so hard to read, which only frustrated you further knowing that he knew how you were feeling all of the time.

“That depends… Do you want to be on a date?”

“Do you?” You asked, shifting in your seat as you averted your gaze away from his face. He laughed at your response, clearly amused by your distress and unbothered by the inquiry.

“I do, yes.” He nodded, knowing you would never confess unless he did, first. “But if you don’t, that’s okay too. We can just eat dinner and have a drink as friends.” His sweetness was overwhelming, and unbelievably reassuring. You let out a long breath, relieved at the sound of his words and happy he felt the same.

“Okay.” You grinned, reaching over and lacing your fingers through his again. As you pulled his hand back to rest in your lap, the anxiety disappeared indefinitely. “I would also like to be on a date.”

“Then it’s settled.” He hummed, leaning back in his seat and starting the car. You could tell that the agreement improved his mood greatly—the slight nervousness in his features settled and the smile on his lips was permanently visible. The momentary euphoria left him confident, and his fingers slipped from yours once more, settling on your thigh just below the hem of your dress. Your stomach twisted in a knot, this time not due to your anxieties, but from excitement. The touch was familiar, comforting, the hold the same as it was when you were seventeen and driving around in his dads old car. You placed your hand atop of his, showing your enthusiasm for the new position.

“Seems like it.” You agreed, fighting a smile begging to blossom on your own lips.

“Good thing, because I’d probably have a hard time keeping my hands off you.” He confessed, his grasp tightening ever so slightly as he reveled in the feeling of your skin on his again.

“Is that so?” You teased, encouraging his behavior in an attempt to hear more about it.

“Mhm,” he hummed, pulling out of the parking spot and back out onto the street. “You really think I could behave myself all night? This close to my favorite girl?” His words hit you hard, turning your cheeks crimson and sending your heart racing.

“Don’t flatter me, Jacob.” You spoke softly, downplaying his words but desperately hoping that he would continue.

“But it’s my favorite thing to do.” He reminded you, tracing small circles into your leg with his thumb. You settled comfortably in your seat, but not for long before the car was slowing to a stop again, pulling off into another overly familiar area. The dirt lot was barren, the two of you the only occupants of the large space. Jake pulled off to the side, earning a sideways glance from you.

“Jake…” you began, overwhelmed with years worth of love as the memories flooded your mind.

“What?” He grinned, turning in his seat to face you.

“This is the spot!” You exclaimed, not wanting to be the one to say it out loud.

“Hmm, I’m not sure I know what you’re referring to…” he trailed off, raising his free hand to his chin as he pretended to ponder the words. “I thought it was just a nice place to have dinner. What happened here, again?” You reached over, giving him a playful shove. He laughed, loud and booming, filling your heart with enough love you thought it might burst.

You used to dream of hearing him laugh like that, together at your spot. You yearned for it, for even just a single second spent here with him, and now you had it in your grasp.

“Don’t be a dick.” You giggled, knowing he was only joking for the sake of bothering you.

“You know I could never forget our spot, sweetheart.” He said, giving your thigh a reassuring squeeze. “Well, one of them, anyway.”

“But this was the spot.” You smiled, feeling yourself leaning into him without even realizing it. “This is where you asked me to be your girlfriend.”

“It is.” He nodded, fighting every urge to lean forward and kiss you right there. He was overtaken with emotion, as joyous as he was when he was fifteen and walking through the park with you for the first time. He picked a flower from the beds the city maintained, making a whole ordeal out of asking you the question he already knew the answer to. He could never forget it, because it was one of his most cherished moments, and now, almost a decade later, he got to relive that elation all over again. “Come with me, sunshine.”

Together, the two of you stepped outside into the warm evening air. The sun was still shining, setting a golden hue over the lush green grass and the overgrown trees. The park was different than it was when you were younger, more grown and less tended to than it used to be. When new parks opened, this one became forgotten in the mess of excitement that sprouted from the city's changes. To you, it could never be forgotten. You’d choose the rusted swing sets and the weathered park benches and picnic tables every day for the rest of your life because that was where you felt closest to him.

Jake retrieved the takeout from the backseat, then an additional grocery bag filled with items he had not shared with you yet. He joined you by your side, fighting off your attempts at grabbing something from his hands. Wordlessly, he led you to the narrow path through the trees, but he knew you did not need his guidance. Both of you could navigate the trails through the park blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back, because most of your nights were spent aimlessly wandering, hand in hand with each other.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to reach the opening to the park, the tiny trail tapering off into an overgrown field. The grass was overgrown, tickling your ankles as you advanced through it. Birds were chirping, making home in the tree branches and concealed by the leaves. Butterflies fluttered around the scene, carefree and avoidant of the two of you. Jake let you lead the way, staying close behind you as you gravitated towards the picnic table that called your name. You looked back over your shoulder, smiling at him as you closed in on it and realized it had never been replaced.

“Still there?” He asked as he approached, closing the small gap between you.

“Still there.” You nodded, looking down at the old wooden board. You tried to ignore the feeling of his body so close to yours, the warmth radiating from him as he stood behind you, and the scent of his cologne surrounding you even in the gentle breeze, but it was proving difficult the longer you stood together. You reached out, your fingers tracing the divots in the wood grain. From the years of weather and use, the carving almost seemed like it belonged, now. The rough edges had smoothed, and the color changed to match the rest.

Your initials, side by side and destined to tie the two of you there for eternity. He had carved it with an old pocket knife the night he asked you to be his girlfriend, informing you that so long as the picture remained, so would his love for you.

“Still true?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper, cracking with emotion as you doubted he would even remember the insignificance of the promise. His head turned down to you, his eyes scanning your face for a moment before he responded. The air between you was thick, just like the tension that accompanied it.

“Still true.” He assured you, like there was never a doubt in his mind about it. You turned your head to the side, swallowing hard at the confession and the close proximity of his face to yours. The wind was blowing his hair away from his face, his dark eyelashes tickling his cheeks as he looked down at you. You looked up at him through your own lashes, admiring the intricacies of his face that you could not notice from far away, intricacies that only you would care to look for. His nose was nearly brushing yours, his breath warm on your skin. He was so close, and you wanted it so bad, but you were scared to make the first move. “Always true.”

For a moment, the world stopped turning. No more butterflies, no more chirps from the birds, no more gusts of wind blowing you around; just the two of you there, together in perfect harmony, enjoying each other’s presence after being separated for so long.

“For me, too.” You whispered, needing him to know that the love was not one sided. Although you did not have the strength to speak the words, he knew what you meant, and that was all that mattered.

Instead of leaning forward and closing the gap between your mouths, he sat the bags atop the rickety wooden table. He didn’t move too far away, but he did send you a small smile, like a promise that something better was to come. You couldn’t help but feel a sinking disappointment as he moved away, but you pushed it aside and forced a smile to match his.

“Now, let’s see how well I remember.” He hummed, motioning for you to sit. You did as you were told, sliding onto the bench and smoothing your dress under your legs. You crossed your ankles, propping your chin up on your palm as you waited to see what he pulled together. “For dinner, shrimp lo mein and spring rolls.” He raised an eyebrow, tearing into the takeout bag and offering you the container.

“How the hell did you remember that?” You grinned, taking it from his hands and placing it in front of you. He gave a shrug of his shoulders, placing his own in front of him after he handed you the wooden chopsticks.

“You ordered it every time we went there, sunshine. Wasn’t like it was hard.” He chuckled. “And the chopsticks, because you insist on using them even though you suck at it.”

“I do not suck at it!” You argued, your cheeks burning red as he fought back a chuckle.

“Right,” he hummed, tossing you a disposable fork wrapped in plastic. “Just in case.” You rolled your eyes, but snatched it from the table anyway. You’d never admit it, but he was right. Even if your skills improved over the years, you were far from good at it.

“Care to keep going, or are you going to make fun of me all night?” You bit down on your lip to suppress the smile that was begging to show.

“Right, sorry.” He nodded, grinning over at you. He reached into the second bag, slowly pulling out a bottle that you couldn’t see the label on. As soon as he flashed it in your direction, your eyes widened and a blinding smile took hold.

“Strawberry wine.” You whispered, your gaze flickering to his face. “My favorite.”

He would never say, but it was his too, not because he liked drinking it, but because he could still remember the taste of it on your lips.

“Some things never change.” He offered you the bottle. You reached out, your eyes drifting over the label as you tried to suppress the growing feelings in your heart. “Figured you deserved a nice bottle, not the cheap shit we used to get.”

“Thank you, Jake.” You breathed, your chest aching from the surplus of love you felt for him.

“That’s not all.” He said as if it were some grandois display, reaching his hand back into the bag. When he withdrew his arm, he held two more items in his hand; a ziplock bag and a small, cardboard box wrapped in plastic.

“Oh my god.” You gasped, reaching out across the picnic table to snatch the bag from his hand. As if he knew it before you even moved, he withdrew his arm with a smirk on his face.

“Impatient, much?” He teased, holding it just out of reach.

“If that’s what I think it is, then I most definitely am.” You nodded, leaning forward and a little further. As you did so, your fingers grasped the corner of the plastic, but he tugged it away before you could steal it. You couldn’t help it, your old habits and comfortability had returned full force in his company. Your bottom lip formed a pout as you silently pleaded with him to hand over the item he was keeping away from you. As he watched your face, his expression was almost pained as he refrained from handing it over, but within a few seconds, he broke.

“God, you know that’s not fair!” He exclaimed, giving in and letting you grab the bag from his hand.

“I think it’s perfectly fine.” You snipped, a triumphant smile crossing your lips as you sat back in your seat. “I haven’t had your mom’s muffins since senior year, Jacob.” You continued, holding the bag close to you as if it were a prized possession.

“I know, that’s why I got her to make them.” He laughed, taking the loss and moving on from it as soon as he saw the elation on your face. You paused, momentarily forgetting your excitement as you digested his statement.

“You got her to make these just for me?” You asked, your voice barely above a whisper. He caught your eyes, his cheeks pink in the sunlight as he realized he exposed himself without a second thought.

“Y-yeah,” he nodded, clearing his throat as he tried to regain his confidence. “Yeah, I did. I knew they were your favorite, so I asked her.” He shrugged, trying to make it seem lesser than it truly was. “She didn’t mind. She’d do anything for you, sunshine.”

“Jake.” You whined, your eyes brimming with tears at the thought of him and his family still caring so much. You were overwhelmed with love, never having someone care so deeply and genuinely for you since the last time you saw him. As the evening carried on, it became abundantly clear that you had given up everything, and in that moment, you felt like you were mourning the loss all over again. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Come on, sweetheart.” He reached over, cupping your face in his palm as his thumb drifted over your cheek. “Don’t you know by now, I’d do anything to see you smile?” Your eyes fluttered closed, your head automatically leaning into his touch. You couldn’t believe you were lucky enough to have him not only once, but twice.

“You never had to try very hard to get a smile from me.” You said, turning your head towards his hand ever so slightly. As if it were a natural reaction, you placed a small kiss to the pad of his thumb, a silent thank you for everything he had done. His breath caught in his throat at the feeling of your lips on his skin, but he tried not to let it phase him too much.

As much as he wanted to kiss you, to show you how much he missed you, the time was not right. He had a plan, one that he was determined to follow through with, and he had to stick to it, even if you were making it incredibly difficult to do so.

“Since we’re taking a walk down memory lane, I figured this would tie it all together.” He changed the subject, reaching to the table and grabbing the last item he pulled from the bag. He flashed them in your direction, a sheepish smile on his face as you read the label.

“Newports.” You laughed, remembering the smell of the cheap smoke stuck to his clothes wherever he went. “Big rockstar like you can’t afford better?”

“I always said I’d never smoke another one of these,” he grinned, turning the pack around so he could take a look for himself. “I’m feeling a little nostalgic, I think.”

“Cheap cigarettes and strawberry wine. Our childhood in a nutshell.” You giggled, breaking apart the wooden chopsticks and flipping the top of your takeout container open. He took a seat across from you, doing the same as you did. “You were such a bad influence.”

“Oh, whatever.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You were the one with the fake ID, sunshine.”

“Yeah, because yours looked like shit.” You laughed, shaking your head at him. “Guy at the liquor store laughed in your face when you showed him that waste of money.”

“So cruel, and for what, sweetheart?” Jake grinned, clearly unbothered by your comment. He had missed the banter that flowed so easily between the two of you, the endless jokes and the constant laughter. He was most comfortable around you, never second guessing himself and always certain that you would support his crazy ideas. He didn’t realize how much he truly missed your company until he was around you again.

“Not cruel if it’s the truth, Jacob.” You defended yourself, taking a bite of the food he had so kindly bought for you. Your eyes fluttered closed at the taste, the nostalgia of the moment bringing you back to a better time, the best time of your life. “I can’t believe you pulled all of this off.”

“I would have done more, if I could have. Was a bit short notice, but I wanted to do something with you, even if it is a reused date idea.” He gave a soft smile, a bit regretful that he didn’t have time to plan for something more elaborate.

“Are you kidding, Jake? This is perfect.” You assured him. “My favorite food, my favorite wine, in my favorite place with my favorite person.” You listed off, sending him a playful grin. “I couldn’t have asked for more. It doesn’t matter what we do, Jake. I’m just happy I get to see you again after so long.”

“I’m so happy to see you too, sunshine. More than you’ll ever know.” He reached across the table, taking your hand in his. “I thought about you every fuckin’ day. I couldn’t get you out of my head.” You averted your gaze to the table, overtaken with guilt at his confession. You held remorse for forcing yourself to forget, especially after discovering that he could not do the same thing. He spent every night awake, thinking of you and wondering where you ended up, and you did everything you could to rid yourself of his memory so the pain would stop. “You know that Sinéad O’Connor song? The one that used to play on the radio all the time?”

“You turned to 90’s pop to get over me?” You giggled, teasing him over the fact. Out of all the songs, that one was not what you were expecting him to be listening to. “You know that’s not even her song, right? Prince wrote it.”

“No, smartass. Listen to me.” He laughed, waiting to share his story without your unsolicited comments.

“Okay, okay, sorry.” You blushed, conceding and letting him speak his truth.

“I was in bed one night, and I couldn’t sleep. I thought I’d listen to some music, and like always, it made me think of you. You were always trying to get me to listen to new things, and in senior year you went through this huge phase with grunge music.”

“God, don’t remind me.” You covered your face with your hand, slouching in your seat as embarrassment took hold. It was not because of the music, but rather because of your obnoxious behavior as you tried to get Jake to enjoy it as much as you did.

“Back then, I listened to it sometimes when I missed you, because it was some of the last songs we listened to together. I was listening to some of Chris Cornell’s solo stuff because he was your favorite artist at the time, and he did a cover of that song. Have you listened to it?”

“What?” You asked, surprised you never stumbled across it before. “Really?”

“Yeah, and it was really fuckin’ good.” Jake chuckled. “The minute he started singing, I swear all I could see was you. I listened to it on repeat—in the shower, eating dinner, all of the time, sunshine. Josh was so sick of it he forbade me from listening to it anymore. It felt like… when I closed my eyes, I could almost picture you there beside me, listening to it too.” He explained, his honesty equal to a punch in the gut. “When Chris Cornell died, I almost called, just to see if you were okay. Sat in my room for an hour, finger over that call button, but it had been so long and I was too scared.”

“He’s still my favorite, and I was not okay.” You forced a laugh, bargaining with the lump in your throat and the sting of tears in your eyes. “I wish you called—I should have called.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, the emotion too great to shove back down. “I never stopped caring, Jake. I tried to force myself to forget about us, about how much I cared for you. It took so long, but even when I did, after I wiped my memory clean and became a whole new person, it still felt like there was something missing. When I found all of that stuff, I knew why; you were missing, and nothing has felt right since that day.”

“Sunshine,” he warned, reaching across the table and swiping a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “Don’t be sad. I didn’t call, either. We were both stupid, and were making up for it now.”

“I’ll never stop being sorry, bug.” You reached up, holding his hand to your face as your chest ached. “Leaving you was the worst thing I’ve ever done.”

“Let’s be sad about that tomorrow.” He tried again, guilty that his words imposed such sadness on you. “Let’s have fun tonight, and have the hard conversations later. I miss you so much, and I want to enjoy every second I have with you.” He continued, silently begging you to look at him and see the sincerity in his eyes. “I’ll talk about whatever you want when the sun comes up tomorrow, but right now, I want to be with you, just like we used to be. Can you do that for me? For old times sake?” You swallowed back your tears, taking a deep breath to calm the raging sorrow in your heart, and looked up to meet his gaze. Like always, the brown of his irises sent a warmth washing over you, more comforting than the sun and more familiar than your own house.

Still, after six years, he was home to you.

“For old times sake.” You smiled, nodding in agreement.

“Good, because I have more plans for us.” He grinned, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear. “And I’m not telling you what it is, so don’t even bother.”

“That’s not fair.” You argued, watching as he returned to his normal position, taking a bite of his food. He kept you in suspense for a moment, neglecting a response as you waited for him to give in.

“It’s perfectly fair, sunshine.” He chuckled. “Now relax, eat your dinner and stop worrying about everything.”

“Do you know how hard that is for me? All I do is worry.”

“I know, sweetheart.” He laughed, reaching over and opening the bottle of wine for you. “That will never change.” He smiled, offering you the bottle with a raised eyebrow. You watched him for a moment, finally letting yourself feel all of the things you locked up for so long. It felt good to love him freely, without the burden of pain that came from leaving. Right now, you were with him, laughing with him, loving him after so long of punishing yourself for it. It was liberating, and you knew he was right; you had to stop wasting your time being sad and sorrowful over your past mistakes.

“Black by Pearl Jam.” You said, snatching the bottle from his hand with a playful smile stuck on your lips. No matter how bad it hurt, you couldn’t deny the joy you felt in his company.

“What?” He asked, watching as you placed the bottle to your lips and tilted your head back. The sweet taste filled your senses, better than you expected and much smoother than the ten dollar bottles you bought as kids. You took a hearty drink, lowering the bottle from your mouth as you swallowed it down, never breaking eye contact. The glisten of alcohol on your lips was prominent under the early summer sun, making him shift in his seat as he bargained with the thoughts racing through his head.

“That was my song. The one I listened to and thought of you.” He reached over and took the bottle from your hands, taking a drink while he thought about your words. When he sat it back on the table, a smile pulled at his lips.

“Like I said, Angel. We were both so stupid.”

Dinner went by quickly, and you found yourself mourning the fact it would be coming to an end as the sun began to set in the sky. You thought it would be difficult to do as Jake asked, that you would struggle to push your sadness aside and harness the love that he was trying to give you, but as time went on, it was easier than anything you’d ever done. Being with him again was better than you imagined it would be, and sometimes, you forgot there was ever a time you were apart at all. When the wine neared the end of the bottle, all thanks to you, your cheeks were warm and your eyes glossy with adoration for the boy sitting across from you. With the help of alcohol, you let your guard down completely, and you started forget why you had it up in the first place.

Jake was packing up the mess you made, sneaking glances at you as you watched him work. You had gotten loose with your tongue and the tension in your shoulders had fully subsided, leaving you more obvious with your admiration and even passing a few flirtatious words his way. You were far from drunk, but you did have enough wine in you that the prospect of loving Jake had become much less scary and much more inviting. You missed feeling this way, carefree and happy just to exist beside him, and you were doing exactly as you were told; enjoying him for the little time he could be with you.

“Ready to hit the next stop, sunshine?” He asked, finally clearing the table off and looking at you.

“Ready.” You nodded, a permanent smile anchored on your lips. “Where is that, exactly?”

“Surprise.” He smiled, clutching the bag of garbage in one hand as he offered his other to you. You reached out, sliding your fingers over his palm and interlocking them with his. You couldn’t ignore the jolt of electricity that ran through you, the power behind a simple touch that no other boy could seem to replicate.

“I hate surprises, bug.” You said, pulling yourself off the bench to stand beside him. He gave a low chuckle, squeezing your hand gently as he began to walk back in the direction the two of you came from.

“Just trust me, love.” He said, guiding you towards the trail through the trees. It was so easy for him to fall back into the same routine, and he barely had a second thought about it. Loving you was the easiest thing he’d ever done, and he was happy he had the chance to do it again.

When you made it back to the parking lot, he stopped by a garbage can on the edge of the lot placed by the city to reduce littering, depositing the bag of trash he took from the table. This time, as you walked to the car, he followed you to the passenger side. He opened the door for you, holding it so you could climb inside. Before you did, you dropped your hold on his hand, stepping towards him rather than the car. You extended your arms out, wrapping them around his torso and pulling him closer to you. The tipsiness aided your confidence, but your love for him was the biggest driving force.

Without a second thought, he returned the hug with enthusiasm, snaking one arm around your waist and placing one hand on the back of your head. Your cheek rested against his chest, his partially unbuttoned shirt allowing for your skin to connect with his in a long overdue reunion. You closed your eyes, letting his cologne surround you as you soaked in the intimacy. If you could, you would have stayed there forever, happy in his arms and never having to worry about anything else.

“I missed you, Jake. So much.” You mumbled, feeling his arm tighten around your waist.

“You have no idea, sunshine.” He whispered, his head turned down and his lips pressed to the top of your head. It was the truth; you had no idea how desperately he missed you, and he had no idea how badly you longed for him to hold you just like he was in that moment.

Reluctantly, you pulled away, the warmth of his skin still felt on your face despite the distance between you, but he didn’t let you move too far away. His hand on the back of your head moved to your cheek, cupping your face as you looked up at him. The sunset in the background casted an ethereal glow over his already beautiful face, making him all the more irresistible. You wanted to kiss him, to close the gap and taste him on your tongue. You wanted to savour the sweetness of having him so close, to show him how much he meant to you despite your previous actions saying otherwise. You wanted to apologize, to make amends for the stupidity your younger self engaged in and atone for the suffering you caused him. More than anything, you wanted him.

For a moment, you thought he was feeling the same. The look in his eye was familiar, you’d seen it a million times. The slight smile on his lips, his shallow breaths and shining eyes was all eerily reminiscent of a version of him you knew so well. Instead of following the yearning of his heart, he closed his eyes and pulled away from you, going back to holding the door open so you could climb inside as if the intimate display you found yourselves in never existed at all. You blinked hard, biting down on the inside of your lip as you felt a wave of disappointment wash over you. Instead of speaking on it, you turned and slid back into the passenger seat, swallowing hard as you straightened the skirt of your dress.

Did he not want to kiss you? He himself said it was a date, but every time you found an opportune moment to kiss, he turned away and shut it down. Was he afraid like you were, or was he having second thoughts about what he wanted?

You tried not to dwell, especially after he climbed in the car beside you, but it proved difficult to pry the thoughts out of your mind. When his hand snaked to your thigh, you only found yourself even more confused.

What game was he playing?

Jake’s POV

‘Just a little longer. It has to be perfect.’ You thought to yourself, trying to steady the shake of your hand as you gripped the steering wheel. You couldn’t deny the flash of sadness that crossed her face when you pulled away, and it was killing you the longer you replayed it in your head. You wanted to kiss her, more than you wanted anything in your entire life. She was it for you, everything you hoped for and everything you dreamed of, but you wanted your second first kiss to be better than the first kiss you shared all those years ago. You didn’t want your emotions to get in the way, to cloud the plans you made on your drive back to your hometown.

She deserved better than a spur of the moment kiss because you couldn’t contain yourself. She deserved everything, and you were determined to give it to her. The moment was right, and you knew that the minute it happened it would be perfect for you, but there was one thing missing, one last piece to the puzzle. You’d spent the entire day proving to her that you weren’t taking this second chance for granted, that all you were saying was true, and not just you talking out of your ass.

You remembered everything, from the smallest of details to the biggest memories shared with her. You remembered exactly how she looked in the morning, half asleep with a lazy smile across her lips as she twisted a lock of your hair around her finger. You remembered the sparkle of love in her eye on her mothers rooftop, scolding you for smoking as she sipped away at a bottle of cheap wine from the corner store. You remembered all of it, and you needed to show her that she still meant that much to you, that you spent six years ensuring her memory remained intact no matter how far away she was, and you were almost there.

The drive to the bar was nearly silent aside from the hum of the radio in the background. You knew she was overthinking the moment, that she was racking her brain to understand the mixed signals you gave her just moments before, but you knew you couldn’t settle that fear without exposing your entire plan. She was right, you were terrible at keeping secrets and horrible at surprises, but you so badly wanted it to remain that way until the moment it happened. You were thankful she expressed her desire to kiss you, and you hoped she still felt that way as the night carried on. You kept your hand on her thigh, a silent reassurance that you wanted her without having to speak it aloud. The touch seemed to calm her nerves but not settle her mind, but you could make due with that for now.

The old dive bar was familiar, not one you frequented but one that was very memorable to the both of you. As you pulled into the lot, the building the same as it was all those years ago, a different lifetime flashed before your eyes. One of the last weekend's you spent together, before she left for good, the two of you spent hours wandering the town and trying to make as many memories as you could before time would not allow for any more. You ended up here, hand in hand in the parking lot and willing to test your luck with your fake IDs one last time. Luckily for you, the establishment was so nonchalant that they never bothered to ask for your ID in the first place, and you spent the rest of your night tipsy from cheap liquor. You learned how to play pool, and as the crowd filtered out for the night, you slow danced to every song she played on the old jukebox in the corner.

As you parked, you looked over to her, wondering if she remembered it with the same clarity you did. As she turned to face you, the look in her eyes told you all you needed to know.

‘Make it to the jukebox, Jacob. You can do it.’

“I can’t believe you remembered all of this stuff, Jake.” She whispered, her eyes glimmering with another round of unshed tears. You wished you could stop forcing her into sadness, that you could be the reason for the smiles instead of the tears, but you understood that as fantastic as your day had been, it brought up plenty of unresolved feelings.

“There’s not a single thing I’ve ever been able to forget, sunshine.” You confessed, feeling the pull of gravity force you towards her again. Despite every single thing in your body screaming for you to give in, to lean over and kiss her right there, you forced yourself to stay still, forced yourself not to do the only thing you ever wanted to do. “Let’s head in.” You said, unbuckling your seatbelt and climbing out of the car. You wished you could stay, to stare at her and admire the softness of her face and the beauty of her as a whole, but the longer you sat, the harder it became to keep your distance. You walked to her side of the vehicle, opening the door for her and taking her hand as she climbed out. “I can finally get my rematch. Been waiting for six years.”

“I won fair and square, Jake.” She quipped, stepping onto the old wooden stairs as she approached the door. She remembered.

“Uh-huh,” you hummed, sarcasm dripping from your tone as you stepped forward to open the door for her. “You were distracting me the whole time. I think that’s cheating.”

“Please.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes as a playful smile spread across her face. She sent a lingering stare at you over her shoulder as she stepped inside, begging for you to challenge her. “Not my fault you couldn’t focus on the game.”

“Actually, sweetheart, it’s entirely your fault.” You laughed, letting the door swing shut behind you. “Can’t walk around like that all of the time and expect me not to stare.” Her cheeks turned pink, shielded by the curls falling effortlessly around her face to further her beauty. She seemed in better spirits, your lighthearted teasing helping her forget the moment at the park.

You didn’t care about pool, and you didn’t care about a rematch; all of those years ago, you threw the game so she could win, just so you could see her smile. You took all of the teasing with a grain of salt and made a pact with yourself that she would never find out the truth behind her victory. Happiness looked too good on her, and you would be damned if you ever took that away.

“Drink?” You asked, slipping your arm around her waist as her eyes scanned the crowded pool table. Her head turned, her eyes connecting with yours as her face hovered inches away from your own. You noticed her eyes flicker to your lips, silently pleading with you to take the initiative.

“Sure.” She nodded, the scent of her perfume nearly making you fall to your knees. It was so familiar, something you hadn’t experienced in a long time. Now that it was in front of your face, you couldn’t believe you lived so long without it. “Manhattan, please.” She flashed you a breathtaking smile before giving your bicep a slight squeeze. “I’m gonna grab that table in the corner.” She pointed to the booth nearest to the pool table, just a few feet away from the jukebox that you were itching to get to.

“Okay, I’ll meet you over there.” You assured her, watching as she walked away from you. There was a slight sway in her step sending you weak in the knees, but you managed to push the thoughts away and turn to the bar.

You took a few strides towards the bartender, posted in the middle and awaiting your company. You sent an occasional glance over your shoulder, never able to rid yourself of the protective nature you felt when it came to her. As you saw her sitting, content as she waited for you, you turned to order. The bartender was gruff, but still friendly. He quickly fixed your drinks and started you a tab, sending you on your way within a few minutes.

Both drinks in hand, you walked over to join her, carefully placing the martini glass in front of her. You slid in the booth on the opposite side, taking a small sip from your own drink to calm your racing mind.

“Thank you, bug.” The nickname rolled off her tongue so easily, igniting a flame in your heart you believed to be long burnt out. She was going to be the death of you, and you knew that much for certain.

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” You flashed her a smile, hoping she couldn’t pick up on your anxious eyes.

“So how long are you home for?” She asked, grabbing the pick holding the cherries from her drink. Her eyes flickered to meet yours as she pulled one of them into her mouth, a dribble of the dark liquid falling down her chin as she did so. Your breath caught in your throat, your eyes trained to her lips in a moment of weakness she was painfully aware of.

“Uh, few days at least.” You shook yourself free from the desire that was pushing you closer and closer to insanity. “We might stay a little longer, depending on how busy we’ll be when we get back home.”

“Full itinerary for the trip?” She raised an eyebrow, raising the glass to her lips and taking a sip from it. Her eyes never left yours as she did so, clearly hinting at something she wasn’t ready to ask aloud yet.

“No, not really.” You smirked, leaning back in the booth as you raised your own drink to your mouth. “Why do you ask?”

“Just curious.” She shrugged, holding her drink close to her as her eyes trailed over you. “Is that a crime?”

“No.” You shook your head, knowing you would answer anything she asked of you. “Is there something else you’d rather ask me?” You raised an eyebrow wondering if you could pry the question from her, or if she would ask on her own time, no matter your response.

“Like what?” She played the game well, knowing you already knew what she was thinking.

“If we could do this again before I left?” You knew you hit the nail on the head when her cheeks flushed and her gaze fell to the table. “Second first date going so well you want a second, second date?” At that, a laugh fell from her lips, finding your question ridiculous but perfectly fitting for the two of you.

“You’re an idiot.” She giggled, but you felt her foot brush your own under the table. You reached for her hand, taking it in your own and letting your thumb drift over hers.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, lacing her fingers with yours. “I would like to go on a second date, Jake. Maybe something a little bit more tame, like a movie night at my house? Like old times?” A smile pulled at your lips, your stomach fluttering with nerves at the thought of being cuddled up in her bed again. “I can kick Mel out for the night.”

“She can stay, if she’s okay with being a third wheel.” You offered, not wanting to exclude her completely.

“Who knows? First time the tables have ever been turned like this.” She let the words slip without a second thought, her eyebrows raising in surprise at herself.

“What do you mean?” You pressed, intrigue getting the best of you.

“Nothin’,” she brushed you off, taking an abnormally long sip from her drink. You didn’t drop it though, still curious about what she meant as the bottom of the glass touched against the worn tabletop.

“Tell me, sunshine.” You pleaded, squeezing her hand to sway her decision. She let out a huff of annoyance, finding it just as hard to avoid your questions, and eventually deeming it best to answer.

“I mean, she’s never had to be a third wheel before.” She squeaked out, almost embarrassed by the thought. You couldn’t help but take note of how beautiful she looked, even in the dim light of the hazy bar. Her cheeks were rosy, a permanent smile on her lips, and her hair was falling down over her shoulders. There was a faint hint of lipgloss still clinging to her lips, and her eyes were sparkling with an overly familiar emotion. “I haven’t really… dated anyone since we broke up, I guess?” She phrased her words like a question, as if you would know the answer better than she did. “Is that stupid? No, it’s stupid. Forget I said that. I’ve dated so many people Jake, you wouldn’t even be able to believe it.” She said, shifting nervously in her seat as she awaited your answer.

“I didn’t either, sunshine.” You assured her, unable to express how relieved you were to hear her say it. “I couldn’t… I never wanted to call someone else my girlfriend, because I only ever wanted to be with you.” She let out a sigh of relief at your words, relaxing into her seat as she let the truth sink in.

“It never felt right.” She explained, toying with the pick holding her second cherry. “I tried, because after a few years I was lonely, but I just couldn’t find anyone else. They weren’t terrible… they just weren’t you. Nobody could ever come close to you.”

“Are you trying to get me to fall in love again, sunshine?” You asked, swirling the ice around in your drink before you took a sip. She was smiling as she finished off the last of hers, the alcohol taking a clear effect on her as she sat the empty glass back on the table. She grabbed the tip of the metal pick holding the cherry, extending her arm towards you and offering it to you.

“It would really be falling back in love if we never really fell out of it, right?” She asked, watching as you leaned forward and took the cherry between your teeth. You pulled it from the pick and into your mouth, settling back in your seat as the sweetness filled your senses.

“S’pose not, sweetheart.” You hummed, the newfound information igniting a fire in your heart. You glanced over your shoulder, quick enough that she didn’t notice at all, wondering how the hell you could sneak from the booth and enact the next step. “You want another drink?” You asked, eyeballing the empty glass in front of her.

“Yes please.” She hummed, her tongue trailing over her bottom lip. You swallowed hard at the sight, closing your eyes for a moment to rid yourself of the neediness beginning to grow at a rapid rate. There was something about her, so effortless and unintentional as she drove you to madness without ever realizing it. “I’m going to run to the bathroom. Meet you back here?”

“Sure thing, baby.” You clicked your tongue, thankful that she made it all the easier for you to do what you needed to do. You let her exit the booth first, shamelessly staring as she disappeared into the small crowd by the door.

When she was out of sight, you rushed over to the bar, grabbing two more drinks and bringing them back to the table. You sat them down, checking over your shoulder to ensure she hadn’t come back yet. When you deemed the coast clear, you took a step towards the Jukebox—or a poor, modern excuse for one, at that. You assumed the old one was broken beyond repair, so they were forced to replace it with the electronic screen. Although it was a little easier to navigate, it took the charm from it almost entirely. Still, you knew her well, and as much as she tried to believe she wasn’t a sentimental person, she was a sucker for an old memory. The night had only further proven that to you, and when she stepped back out to join you, you would finally confess the last little bit of truth you were keeping secret.

Having the song typed in and ready to play, you turned to wait for her, holding your breath for the entire time. To you, it seemed like an eternity, but in reality, it was barely a minute until she came back into view. Her red dress flowed gracefully around her, the long curls bouncing with every step, and a smile on her face that left you speechless every time she looked your way. She was perfect, an Angel sent to earth to make everyone else jealous of her, and you were the one lucky enough to call her yours, for a second time nonetheless. You reached backwards, barely able to pull your eyes away from her as you pressed the play button. As soon as you did, it felt like the world stopped turning, like you were frozen in time until she decided if your heart was worthy of her love, one last time.

TAGLIST: @anythingforjtk @highway-tuna @klarxtr @hollyco @thetroublegetssoloud71 @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @raceb14 @watchingover-hypegirl @starshine-gvf @do-it-jakey-baby @gretavansara @jakesbeloved @woyayaofdreams @jakeyt @kiszkas-canvas @gracev0609 @josh-iamyour-mama @musicspeaks @gretavangroupie @gretavanmoon

[heartz4shauna]

jackie taylor x fem!reader picnic date drabble !!!

“surprise!” jackie exclaimed, revoking her hands from your eyes and revealing a picnic set up. it was coming up to your one year anniversary and jackie wanted to do something.. different for it. “oh my gosh, jackie! it’s so beautiful,” you told her with a smile, admiring the set up of fruits, chocolates, sandwiches, all the works. she smiled at you, sitting down on the blanket, “yeah, i’m kind of a genius at setting up dates.”

you rolled your eyes lightheartedly and sat opposite her, “i had no idea where you were taking me. i thought you were gonna murder me and leave me in this field,” you chuckled out.” her eyebrows creased in concern, “you think i’d do that? wow, you don’t like me all that much, do you?” she asked you jokingly, cracking open a bottle of wine, hidden in the picnic basket.

“i decided that because our one year is coming up i wanted to do something special,” she said with a small smile, pouring you a glass. you nodded along, taking a sip of the wine, burning your throat as it went down, “are you proposing?” you asked sarcastically. “pfft- what? no..” she answered, making a faux uncomfortable face, “i know we don’t often do anything quiet like this, so i thought it’d be nice to admire the sunset and eat berries and drink wine for the first time together.”

you smiled at her as you sipped the wine, “you’re so thoughtful, you know.” she nodded, “i know! everyone takes me for granted, when i disappear into thin air one day.. no one’s gonna know what to do.” she poured her own glass and began sipping from it, too, “we’ve got strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, milk chocolate, white chocolate, some kind of cheese, wine, small sandwiches.. maybe there’s something i’m forgetting.”

you paused, in thought for a moment. jackie had the whole set up, what could she be missing? “nope. i’ve got all of it,” she reached into the basket and pulled out a bottle of apple juice, “to sober us up, if needed,” she winked at you. you began picking at the assortment, popping a few blueberries into your mouth, the taste covering your tongue as you popped them.

“it’s such a nice evening,” you began, “how long have you been planning this?” she shrugged, pouting, “here and there. i dabble occasionally in watching the weather.” you nodded, chuckling, “ahhh, i see.”

you watched her as she bit into a strawberry, the juice quickly running down her chin and staining her striped blue sweater, “shit,” she mumbled, “loved this sweater.” you dismissed it, “it’s okay, i can buy you a new one.” she shook her head, swallowing the strawberry, “it’s vintage.” oh. “oh. well, duh! i knew that..”

she looked at you with a hint of concern, “really?” you shook your head, taking a bite of a sandwich, your words coming out muffled, “mmmno.” she giggled, “you don’t know anything about fashion, do you?” you shook your head again, slightly embarrassed.

“it’s okay,” she reassured you, “i didn’t know much about fashion either, Rachel Greene taught me.” you frowned, your eyebrows knitting together, “as in the girl from Friends?” “mhm! she’s a fashion icon, seriously.”

you finished up your glass of wine and motioned to her to pour you another, “already? didn’t know you were a heavy weight.” you shrugged, “you’ve seen me at parties, jackie.” she nodded, she couldn’t argue with that. you could hold your damn liquor.

you broke off a piece of chocolate and waved it towards jackie teasingly, “i know it want it, jackieee.” she rolled her eyes back at you, “come on! just gimme it.” you shook your head, biting your lip playfully, “nuh-uh, you gotta ask nicely.” she sighed dramatically and made a jump for you, glass in hand, spilling the alcohol on the grass, the blanket and the pair of you.

you gasped, “oh my gosh, jackie!” she began laughing loudly, “oh my god! i didn’t mean that!” she stared at you, her mouth agape in shock. “we’re both gonna have to get new clothes, our parents will kill us if they smell the wine on us,” you stated, still shocked. “i know! oh my god, that was hilarious! i thought i could redeem this sweater but i guess not,” she shrugged, smirking. “we’re still eating all of this, right?” you asked, clearly not wanting anything to go to waste.”

“obviously!” she exclaimed, “you think i spent all of this money on snacks for nothing?” she picked up her own, almost empty wine glass, after throwing it astray on the grass, “cheers to no pregnancy scares!” you glared at her, picking up your glass, “cheers, you absolute dork.”

[swissboyhisch]

My Princess

Pairing: Andrei Svechnikov x Princess!Reader

Summary: Being the Princess of Australia has its perks. Like being able to bring your best friend's sport to your country letting you reunite with your favourite person in the world.

Word Count: 2233

Warnings: Royalty AU, slight mention of alcohol (I think, tbh I can't remember)

A/N: This is for one of my favs @mp0625's Birthday Bingo. Sorry it's a little late but I kind of got away with this fic. I really hope you enjoy this because I enjoyed writing it! I hope you had an amazing birthday <3

My choice of five bingo boxes were (middle column):

Fan of another sport

Royalty AU

Free Square (Choice - Reuniting)

Childhood Friends

It’s raining (men)

I really hope you enjoy this! I'm really happy how this turned out :)

*after posting this and getting some anons, I just want to state I KNOW Australia have an ice hockey league. I am from Australia. I follow the two leagues, I go to games, I have jerseys. Just because it isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean I don’t know. This is an AU based around the Global series. Which did happen and was the coyotes vs kings which I WENT to IN PERSON. You don’t have to send me anons. I get it*

THE MASTERLIST JOIN THE TAGLIST HOCKEY DISCORD

Being the Princess of Australia was pretty amazing. You got to travel the world with your mother and older brother, meet amazing people (and not-so-amazing ones). You got nice clothes and did things many others your age couldn’t. You and your family were loved by the people of Australia.

When you were a kid, you had a trip to Russia. Your parents were on a political visit, and you had to go along with them. This is one of your favourite memories from childhood. Your family was shown around Moscow, and you accidentally bumped into a boy not much older than you on the street. While your parents were busy talking to other adults, you and the boy, who introduced himself as Andrei, talked and ran around together. When it was time to go, you begged your parents to ask if the pair of you could write to each other.

As you both grew up, the letters turned into emails, then messages, calls, and FaceTimes whenever the time zones allowed it. Even once he moved to Michigan for hockey, you talked whenever you could.

One of the perks of being part of the Royal family was having a say in which events came to Perth. When whispers of the NHL bringing the Global Series to Australia started, you advocated for Perth to be the city of choice. When you turned up to the meeting in Melbourne with the NHL officials, you mentioned how much you liked hockey and that Perth would show the NHL a good time. The first green light was for Perth to host the weekend event.

Your mother thought this would be a good event for you to take charge of since you were so passionate about hockey—your second passion after AFL, of course (not that you’d tell Andrei that). You took charge of organising everything for the event with the help of the city’s major event organisers.

Through the journey of organising the weekend, you advocated for the Carolina Hurricanes to be one of the teams. If the Canes were the main choice, then the most exciting game would be against the New York Rangers. The more intense a rivalry, the more likely people would be enticed to watch a sport they’d never seen.

You still remember the call with Andrei when you got the confirmation about the teams being the Canes and the Rangers. It was after dinner when you FaceTimed Andrei, who was in New York for a game.

“How’s it going, Princess?” Andrei grinned when he answered the call.

You were bouncing off the walls of your apartment in the palace. He could see you beaming. “It’s confirmed!”

“What’s confirmed?”

“You’re coming to Perth!” you squealed.

Andrei was confused. “I’m what?”

“The Global Series is coming to Perth,” you elaborated, “and the Canes are one of the teams.”

“I’m going to see you?!” Andrei asked, tears welling up as it had been a year since you had seen each other. The last time was the All-Star game when you flew out to support him. “Oh my god, I can’t wait! When?”

“September,” you answered.

“That’s like six months away!”

When the week finally arrived, you were ecstatic. Only all the years of Royalty training could mask the happiness you felt. You and your personnel were tucked away out of sight unless you were walking in from a specific plane—the one carrying all the hockey players and staff. One by one, the familiar faces of the Canes passed by where you were standing.

“Hello, Your Highness,” Aho grinned when he recognized you standing by the exit of the tunnel.

You laughed at the boy, “Hi Fishy, how are you?”

“Better now that Svech will stop bouncing,” he replied, standing near you facing his teammates coming out, waiting for his teammate. “Look who’s coming.”

Lifting yourself on your tiptoes to see over the other six-foot-plus player, you spied the familiar Russian, bouncing foot to foot in excitement.

“Gee, Princess,” Mickey, one of your guards, laughed.

As soon as Andrei got within reaching distance, you ran for him, launching yourself at him. The two of you were wrapped up in each other, both with tears running down your faces.

“I’ve missed you, Princess,” Andrei whispered.

“I missed you too.”

You tagged along with the teams to their hotel, one of the best in the city. Your mother had decided to host the teams at one of your family’s favourite restaurants, a rooftop bar overlooking the gorgeous Scarborough Beach. You had a change of clothes in the car, knowing you’d be going from one place to another without returning to the palace.

“I still can’t believe you’re here,” Andrei grinned as he watched you come out of the bathroom.

“You mean you’re here,” you smirked as you slipped in your earrings once more.

Andrei travelled with you and your security from the hotel to the restaurant. The rest of the team and staff took a bus. Your mother, older brother, and his long-term girlfriend would meet you at the restaurant, which was hired out for the night.

“How’s your family?” Andrei asked as you both stepped out of the car after one of the guards.

“You’ll see them in a sec,” you laughed, intertwining your fingers with his.

The pair beat the buses to the restaurant, so they went up to meet your mom and brother. Your security stayed by the entrance as there was already security posted around the restaurant.

“Andrei Svechnikov,” your mom smiled when she saw you two nearing. “It’s lovely to see you thriving in the league.”

“Your Majesty,” Andrei grinned, bowing and knowing the protocols.

“We’ve missed you around here,” your mom admitted.

Your brother stepped up, cutting in, “Some more than others.”

You made sure to lean over and hit him. Not the first time and definitely won’t be the last with his history of smart comments. “Shut it.”

The elevator dinged, and in walked the coaching staff and players of the two NHL teams. Each of them greeted your family before everyone mingled.

“How have you been?” you asked Seb as he and Jarvis stood with you and Andrei in the garden smoking area. No one was smoking, but it was a nice little seating area.

“Good,” both boys replied.

Water started to rain down on you guys where you sat. Seb and Jarvis raced to go inside out of the shower. You just laughed, looking at Andrei who was already looking at you. Just like the moment in every romance movie, Andrei leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in the rain. As his arms slipped around your waist, yours slipped around his neck, pulling him closer.

“Get out from the sprinklers,” your mother shouted with a large smile on her face.

You pulled away and looked up at the clear skies. The bloody sprinklers in the garden had decided to turn on while you were sitting there. You and Andrei laughed as you moved to step out of the garden area.

“I’m so sorry, Your Highness,” a worker apologized as she handed both of you a towel to dry off with.

“It’s no issue,” you laughed, your eyes not leaving the grinning Russian beside you.

The pair of you didn’t part throughout dinner. The table you were at was filled with Andrei, his favourite boys, and their partners. You were glowing with happiness, and so was Andrei. His friends were happy to see the friendship blossom into something more.

“I don’t know if you have been told,” your mother started, standing from her seat with the coaching staff, “but on Friday evening, I got three boxes, including the royal box, at the AFL game tomorrow. It’s Eagles vs. Dockers, which is a big game. It’s called the Derby.”

“It’s the equivalent to a Rangers versus Islanders game or the Oilers versus Flames,” you elaborated for the players who had no clue about the sport.

The week was spent with Andrei, attending practices and hanging out with your best friend. If he had enough time, he’d come to your apartment in the palace. It wasn’t just Andrei either; sometimes you and Andrei would take the others and partners out around the city. You got to play host and tour guide around your home city.

Friday night came around, and you dressed up like you usually do for football: jeans, a cute top with a coat, and an Eagles scarf to finish the outfit. You had brought your clothes to the hotel to get ready with Andrei. The two teams had taken sides. Canes were supporting West Coast like you. Rangers were supporting Fremantle like your brother and his girlfriend.

“You look excited,” Andrei grinned as you and the group arrived at the royal box at Optus Stadium.

“I love watching the footy!” you grinned, waving at fans standing below the box.

In the royal box were you, Andrei and his close friends and partners, your mother, and security. Your brother and his girlfriend were with the Rangers as they were cheering on Fremantle. You and the group were excited for the centre bounce. Of course, the group was going through the media as it was a big deal with the NHL teams in the city.

“Your Highness, are you ready to go down to do the coin flip?”

“Of course,” you smiled at the worker.

You, Andrei, your brother, and Trouba followed the worker down to the oval. Your brother would do this week’s coin toss as you did the previous derby. The four of you, two supporters of each team. Oscar Allen and Alex Pearce both bowed to the royals, then shook hands with the four of you.

“Lovely to see you again, Oscar,” you grinned as you hugged the captain.

“You as well, Your Highness,” the blonde chuckled.

After the coin toss, which the Eagles won, they chose the way they were kicking first before the royal party was escorted back to the boxes to watch the game. As the group walked past the Eagles huddle, Harley Reid peeled away from the group for a second to fist bump the Princess as she walked by.

“Good luck, Harley,” you called as he ran back.

Harley waved back, a wide grin on the rookie's face, “We’ve got this.”

Andrei was confused at the interaction but knew you were friendly with all the players on the team. “Who’s that?”

“That is Harley Reid,” you answered. “He was the number one draft pick last year. He’s changed the mood on the team greatly. Great dude.”

As you and Andrei settled back in the suite, you cuddled into Andrei’s side. It was kind of chilly but nothing too crazy. The boys threw questions at you about the game. Who’s this player? What’s that move? What is the ref calling?

“What does it mean when they kick it between the posts?” Aho asked as the Eagles scored the first goal of the game.

You laughed at the question after you finished cheering. “It’s a goal, worth six points. Between the inner and outer posts on each side is a behind, worth only a point.”

The game went by with lots of cheering from the Canes and yourself. The game took off with an exciting start. The Eagles kept the lead through all four quarters. Sure, the Dockers came close, but the Eagles took off in the last quarter. The satisfaction of singing the winning song was incredible, and all the boys enjoyed it.

The next big event was the first game of the Global Series in Perth. You traveled with the Canes to the stadium while your family would meet you there just before the game. It was agreed that you and your brother would both do the puck drop. He said he’d wear the Rangers jersey to allow you to wear the Canes jersey of your upgraded best friend.

“This will be you and the Canes families’ suite, Your Highness,” a worker stated as you were shown where you’d sit for the game.

As much as you wished to sit in the front row to watch your boyfriend, you couldn’t. It was too high risk for security. So instead, you were in the suite with the girlfriends of the Canes, which you guess you were now a part of.

“Hey sweetheart,” Brent Burns’ wife greeted you with their two kids.

After spending so long with the team and families, you had told them to just call you by your name. And like normal, nicknames were created. Andrei always called you Princess. The team called you Your Highness. The older women in the families called you sweetheart.

The game was intense, and the girls were energetic. You were on your feet every time the boys scored. The girls were right there beside you as well. The first thing you all did after the game was head down to where the makeshift change rooms were.

“There she is,” Andrei grinned when he came off the ice after the photos were taken.

You smiled and wrapped your arms around the giant hockey player. “Wow, it’s like you’re taller on skates.”

“I wonder,” he laughed, pulling you closer.

“Congrats on the hatty, Mr. Sweaty.”

Andrei chuckled, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips, “With my good luck charm watching me and cheering me on, always, My Princess.”

TAG LIST:

@findapenny @mp0625 @hischierhaze @11zegras @lvrzegras 

@francesfarhadi @cixrosie @dasiysthings @dancerbailey3 @puckmaidens 

@cole-mcward48 @sammiejane22 @rleigh-47 @Devilsandpensfan @luca-fantilli 

@books-hlmc @kajasagmo @poufsouffle21 

[enhaas]

HEAL MY HEART 013. let me show you wc 413 written in third person. not proofread.

“when did you start liking me? how did you start liking me? why did you…” yn stopped herself from speaking too much as wonbin looked at her.

“i’m not sure when…all i remember is we were paired up for that project in history and that’s when i realized not only you are beautiful, but you’re really smart too.”

yn froze in place, not believing what wonbin said at all. she could vividly remember at that time, he barely spoke a word to her when working on the project.

“you didn’t even talk to me, nor look at me when we were working…?”

“i was looking at you though. you were too busy working on the project to even notice.”

“what?”

“sorry?”

“why are you apologizing?”

“i don’t know, was that uncomfortable for you to know…should i not have said that?”

yn looked away shyly, “no it’s fine…i just wasn’t expecting that.”

“oh, um..” wonbin started tapping his foot on the floor as he tried to think of something to say quickly so he could break this awkward tension between him and yn, “well, we talked for about 20 minutes now and you still haven’t told me if you liked me back or anything..”

yn could only chuckle nervously, “wow…i thought i’d be ready for a relationship considering i’ve accepted jiwoon’s apology so quickly, but now i don’t know what to say or do…”

wonbin looked at her, confused, “you were so ready to get back together with your ex just now, weren’t you?”

“well, kinda?”

“yn, i think you were just blinded by love. i remember you constantly were telling me you were still in love with him and i told you that you loved the old him. i think what happened was since he promised you he changed and the fact you still love him made you immediately give him a second chance.” wonbin said, he didn’t even think as he said that, he just let his mind control everything at that point.

“you’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”

“i…”

wonbin could only sigh, “it’s okay. i’ll give you some time. my parents will be back home soon, you should get going.”

yn got up, “thank you, wonbin…”

wonbin led yn to the door, but before she was about to leave he stopped her.

she turned around, “what’s wrong..?”

“when you’re ready for a relationship again, i’ll show you what a good boyfriend is. or at least, let me show you.”

— after a tragic breakup, yn struggled to love herself again and believed true love just wasn’t a thing. park wonbin, a popular classmate, has been secretly admiring her for so long. after finding out what yn is going through, he is desperate to see her happy again…hopefully with him.

💬 — i’m afraid im slowly getting writers block 😓 i need to lock in

DO YOU WISH TO PROCEED? BACK | NEXT

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🔖 (open!) — @nujeskz @seunghancore @alwayswook @severefireangelprune @starwonb1n @lecheugo @siuewnb @secretiny @addorations @beomgyusonlywife @kcharlyy @daegale @omljae @astro-doll-the-star @icewons @hisrkive @binoyu @tojis-luver @academiq @luffysgfforevaa1 @parkwonbinie @haechansbbg @wonyoungsvirus @flaminghotyourmom @https-yeonjun @saranghoeforanton @wonychu @brachioswrld @palchokitty @mumeimei @woonagi-lemon @nctrawberries @potatosoulp1h

[flossy2003]

I was reading back through responses to my “Cass and Rapunzel friendship” post this morning and a comment from @twotangledsisters, about how women characters are only expected to be soft and sweet and that’s why Cass’ personality is so frowned upon, really stood out to me and made me realise something.

Snow White, Cinderella and Aurora (some of my favourite Disney Princesses) get SO much hate for being “weak” and “bad role models”, because they’re soft and sweet, instead of badass. (Forgetting that all three are extremely sassy lol).

Then you get a character like Cassandra whose stand-out traits are that she’s tough, witty and ambitious, but is also kind, learns compassion and deeply cares about those she loves. She can also be selfish and egotistical. She’s the perfect mix of all these traits, coming across as very human. And yet, that’s STILL not good enough.

People brand her as “mean”, as “rude”, and say “boo hoo, she hurt the male character’s feeweeings” despite the fact that it’s clearly a mutual banter relationship. I’ve seen comments from parents calling her a “bad role model” for kids, because she’s introverted and sarcastic.

But I don’t think anything would’ve changed if Cass was more sweet and soft, because they probably would’ve called her weak and stupid.

It genuinely feels like women characters, and by extension, women in the real world, can’t win, because people CONSTANTLY judge how they act. I’ve never seen people say how male characters are bad influences on young boys, it’s always female characters and it needs to stop.

[shrimshrim4fun]

Could you maybe do Jinhsi with a fem! S/O whos the sister of Scar and Phrolova but she isnt on their side🥺

Guiding Light: Jinhsi

Note: I hope she’s not OOC and I didn’t know if you wanted a fic or like headcanons so I put it kinda like a fic

Warnings: slight angst

“Are you alright you seem a bit uneasy” she asked as she noticed your hand tighten around hers a little as you guys walked down the busy street on Jinzhou. “Oh it’s nothing” you smile slightly as she noticed your slight discomfort. She didn’t press on the question anymore but she knew something was wrong. People almost always whisper behind your back as you walked down the streets. Your hair white with slight streaks of red in it similar to your brother, Scar. Being the sibling of the two famous criminals isn’t something to be proud of or that’s what you thought. Children would sometimes look at you with scared expression, their parents telling them the big bad tales of your siblings evil doings.

“I’m gonna head back” you murmur softly your voice filled with doubt and slight discomfort as you saw more stares and murmurs from the people in the streets. “Alright I’ll come with you,” she nods. “You really don’t have-” “Don’t worry about it, it’s gonna get dark soon too,” her voice soft yet firm. You sigh, knowing it was only an excuse that you couldn’t agree against. As you guys got home to your cozy little house she notices how your shoulder slumped a little more than usual. “Would you like some herbal tea?” She offered as you sat on the couch. “Yes please” you smile. After a few minutes she hands you a cup. “Thank you,” you murmur as you take the cup and sipping from it. “Is there anything you would like to talk about?” She asked. Your hands froze before muttering “It’s nothing big.” “My dear, it can be the littlest things but to me it’s everything,” she tells you firmly.

You place the cup down onto the table before hugging her. A soft smile on her lips as she hugs you back. “There’s something on your mind and I hope you don’t mind sharing what it is.” You hesitate for a second before murmuring against the crook of her neck “Do you find me scary?” “Scary? My god your divine, I love you more than anything you can imagine.” Her hands gently comb through your hair as she softly hums. “No matter who your family is, I know you wont betray me. I sometimes think I know you better than yourself,” she gently teased. “You proabably do.” You murmur in agreement as you hug her tighter. “The past is something that will always haunt you forever, but in the dark I promise you’ll find a light to guide your way. I’ll always be here for you, your guiding light.”

Ending Note: I hope you enjoyed :D For the people pulling for her I hope you win your 50/50’s >< If you want headcanons just interact with my inbox :)

[nightwing-centric]

All The Small Things

Summary: Crossing his ankles propped on the table, jostling his helmet next to him, his mouth quirked up. “At least I’m not you, who sees the idiot as some sort of pseudo father figure.”

Dick choked on his coffee, and Damian sputtered and took a step back. “What?!”

“You heard me.” He thumbed in the direction of Dick, who clumsily tried to mop up the hot liquid staining his shirt and scalding his skin with a crusty dishrag that smelled like mildew. “You see him in a way you don’t your own dear old dad.”

Damian’s cheeks darkened in a deep flush that even reddened the tips of his ears. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

After Bruce's return to the Bat, Dick and Damian have to deal with just being brothers, but things are just a bit too messy to be that easy

Content Warning: None

My Opinion: Damian & Dick tag with Dick Grayson is Damian Wayne's parent. What more could you ask for?

This fic does a good job of exploring the complex relationship of Dick with Damian. He is his dad and his brother and his Batman but also not anymore. And throw Bruce into the mix, with the added guilt of it all. It's just *chef's kiss*

I really love fics that explore this dynamic and I'm shocked to see this is the first Dick & Damian fic i have recommended. but not the last one!

Tomorrow AO3 is going down for abt 10 hours so i think it's the perfect time to download this fic (and others i have recommended) while you wait for ao3 to go back up!

[johnnycakesswitch]

Details I noticed while rereading The Outsiders- Chapter 3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

• Pony says the west side of town where Cherry and Marcia live was “only” about 20 miles away and Two-Bit offered to WALK them home

• the greasers canonically think Elvis is tuff and don’t like the Beatles

• Soda worked at the stables when he was just 12- this was probably his very first job

• Pony cried right along with Soda when Mickey Mouse got sold and saved his money for a year thinking he could buy him back for Soda

• Two-Bit tells Pony not to get mouthy when he starts mumbling under his breath 💀

• Ponyboy says that they can look meaner than anything when they want to

• Two-Bit asked for Marcia’s number and she gave it to him, but he assumed it was fake

• Ponyboy describes Tim as actually enjoying being a greaser. He says Two-Bit just takes it, Soda ignores it and loves life anyway, and Dally hardened himself beyond caring

• Pony used to have a yeller cur dog

• the Curtis parents only died 8 months prior to the book

• when Pony is imagining life out in the country with his parents still alive and his brothers, he thinks that maybe Johnny could come live with them 🥺

• Dally and Mrs. Curtis got along really well and she could keep him out of trouble

• when Pony asks what time it is Johnny goes “I don't know. I went to sleep, too, listening to you rattle on and on” 😭😭

• people always say the slap in the movie was so dramatic more bc in the movie it was more of a push than a slap but in the book it does say that Darry slapped him so hard that it knocked him against the door

• Johnny asked no questions just immediately ran “several blocks” w pony when he said they were running away. A real one fr

• "I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me." Johnny sighed. "At least then I know he knows who I am. I walk in that house, and nobody says anything. I walk out, and nobody says anything. I stay away all night, and nobody notices. At least you got Soda. I ain't got nobody.” Wow my heart just broke into pieces

That’s all for this time yall, I’ll try to do chapter 4 soon :)

[cj-schlatt]

Rewind

Pairing: Schlatt x gn!reader (no pronouns, no use of y/n)

Word Count: ~780

Summary: What do you get as a gift for someone who has it all?

Content: Fluff, pet names (angel). Schlatt and reader are childhood best friends who recently reconnected :)

A/N: Hi! This is my first attempt at writing for Schlatt. Let me know how I did! :)

You’ve been stressing ever since you flipped the calendar page over this morning. Your first anniversary with Schlatt is this month, the date marked with a heart, and you have no idea what you’re going to get him.

What do you get as a gift for someone who has it all?

You’re in your parents’ attic, helping them to clean it up a bit, when you find the answer to your dilemma.

You come across an unmarked cardboard box, which by itself isn’t unusual; you’ve already sorted through a dozen just like it. What makes it special is what you find inside—it’s filled with VHS-C tapes from your family’s old camcorder. You’ve just stumbled upon a treasure trove of memories.

You know for a fact that there is footage of Schlatt within these tapes, from birthday celebrations to stupid “movies” the two of you made together. As you pick up a tape, labeled with both of your names and the date it was captured, you start to form a plan.

Your childhood bedroom is exactly as you left it when you moved out, down to the old CRT TV and combination VHS and DVD player. After some quick Googling, you’re turning on the TV and popping the first tape, along with a blank DVD, into the player.

Static. Then, a picture comes into view: a grainy scene of a much younger version of you in front of a birthday cake, Schlatt right at your side as he and the rest of the party-goers sing “Happy Birthday” and you blow out the candles. You can’t help but smile at the display.

The video continues, showing you tearing into your birthday presents (with Schlatt right there to help you, of course). You’re transported back to that day, long forgotten until now, where you almost had more fun playing with the wrapping paper and tissue paper than the actual presents you received.

Soon, the first tape ends. If all went well, it should be copied onto the DVD now. You stay up well into the night converting tapes, too excited revisiting old memories to want to continue later.

The next day, phase two of your plan begins, with you uploading the new DVDs to your computer and putting your video editing skills to the test. You’re grinning like an idiot when it’s finally done.

You just hope Schlatt will like it.

You’re pretty sure he will.

It’s a few weeks later when the big day finally arrives. You can’t even count how many times you’ve had to hold yourself back from giving him his gift early, so excited to see his reaction.

You’re practically vibrating when you lead him to the living room and turn the TV on.

“What’s all this about?” he asks, plopping down on the couch.

“You’ll see,” you say, smiling as you connect your laptop to the TV.

You watch with him as little you and Schlatt are projected onto the big screen. You join him on the couch, listening to your younger self introduce your imagined audience to what the two of you creatively titled “The Dumb Idiots Show.”

You glance over at Schlatt, who is completely glued to the TV. You think you see that his eyes are glistening a little, reflecting the light of the screen, but you don’t say anything, just let the video continue.

The video came out pretty damn good, if you do say so yourself. It had been so much fun reliving these memories, and it’s even better now that you get to share them with your best friend, the one who was with you for all of it.

Eventually, the screen fades to black, and the room falls silent.

“Wow,” is the first thing Schlatt says. He leans back into the couch, running a hand through his hair.

“Did you like it?” you ask, not quite able to keep the nervousness out of your voice.

“Are you kidding?” he asks, voice tinged with disbelief. “I loved it.”

“Really?”

“Really, angel,” he says, pulling you in for a hug.

You sink into the embrace, relief flooding through you.

“I’m impressed,” he says when you part.

“Hmm?”

“Looks like I’m not the only one with video-making skills around here.”

You grin at him. “I mean, did you see my camera work on episode two of ‘The Dumb Idiots Show?’ I’ve always had a knack for it.”

He laughs. “You oughta start your own channel.”

“Maybe I will,” you say with a little smirk. After a moment, your face softens. “Happy anniversary, J.”

“Happy anniversary,” he echoes, a lovesick smile on his own face as he leans in to kiss you.

A/N: Thanks for reading! :)

[pinazee]

Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead

First of all, that is a perfect title.

Now, this episode is one of my favorites of season 2. Its so funny, its such a fun concept, and the ending is fantastic! The crime is so elaborate though its kind of insane. To summarize, this guy killed his dad by pistol whipping him down the stairs. The gun gets willed to the museum. Lassie is gung-ho about solving it because its a big name and he’s getting lots of press. This guy, who’s on the board of the museum, apparently having tried everything to get the guns except appeal to their sentiment, then decides to bribe the warehouse guy into hiding him in a snufflophagus, tilts the camera (though apparently him walking out of the coffin wasn’t caught??) so you can’t see him at the case, fails to open that same case, kills the guard, goes back for the van, apparently sees gus and shawn tailing him and books it, even though he doesn’t know who they are, crashes the van into a tree for some reason, puts the mummy in the drivers seat (lol), then runs into the forest like a madman. This guy had to have been on cocaine or something. I’d love to hear him explain to the other prisoners how he got caught.

Carlton was kind of an ass to sophie for no reason. Like i get that he thought the case was beneath him, that he was eager to return to the homicide, but considering she knew Wyles, you’d think he’d have at least treated her like a witness instead of completely disregarding her (and being pretty misogynistic)

But kudos to juliet for standing up for her. One of the things that irritated me sometimes about juliet and carlton was when they’d have her apologize for his behavior- but i love when she stands up to him. I’m not a big fan of the idea that a person can “fix” another person (its too long to explain right now), which is what i think juliet did, or at least, helped him face his own behavior throughout the series. I don’t think its fair to juliet to be placed in that position, though. It honestly feels like she’s babysitting him sometimes.

Heres a few scattered notes:

Two things: 1. How dare wardrobe make this poor woman wear these peep toe high heels. They look so uncomfortable. 2. I had to point out Shawns shirt because it made me realize that i do in fact, still find James completely huggable haha. I bet he gives amazing hugs.

Impressed by Dulé’s run here haha

James, i swear to god. He does not waste a single goddamn frame lol

The fact that gus keeps sniffing women, makes me believe his attraction to them is heavily scent based haha its so creepy.

This moment feels like the writers roasting both james and shawn simultaneously haha

This might be an unpopular take on this, but Shawn helping Karen get the job seems like a really thoughtful thing to do for her, and the way they shot the scene with her looking at him appreciatively certainly makes it look so, but if im honest, i think it had more to do with self preservation. Shawn has a good thing going. Im sure part of it was because he liked karen, shawn is a genuinely nice person, i just don’t think its the main reason. (Sidenote: i think its so cute how excited Gus is about it though)

Now for the Henry of it all.

I love how close henry came to having a nice moment with little shawn and then absolutely blowing it. I think that sums up his parenting pretty well haha like he means well, but he just sucks at it.

I think its so interesting that Maddie returning makes him so flustered. He doesn’t hold any anger or resentment towards her, he’s not biting at Shawn because he hates her, he’s nervous. He’s cleaning the house because he wants to impress her. I have to believe this is the first time she’s going to be seeing him since she ran off. Which is kind of sad because they share a kid together. They’d didn’t once have a family Christmas since then?

What i don’t understand, is how she managed to contact henry before shawn. They’re divorced. I know shawns phone broke, but is she really calling so infrequently that it never came up? Im going to discuss maddie more next season when we actually meet her. Right now she’s more myth than anything.

Which really helped make the season 2 cliffhanger so freaking potent! Its so simple, and yet the tension built up was effective as hell! I think more tv shows should take note. Too many tv cliffhangers these days feel like life or death and not enough are riding on family drama.

P.S

What do you mean that wasn’t his first time alone in a coffin?? Wha-why? Why was he in one?? What was he doing?

[kakiastro]

The 4th House: Your Inner World

We do not talk about the 4h enough on here! This area in life can really reveal what’s happening in a person life that they don’t show in public.

-when ppl think of the 4h, the first thought is family. This shows you how you were raised, the type of home environment you grew up in. It indicates the type of themes you will face into your adulthood that reflects your childhood. This also show the emotional state of your family. If you have any planets in your 4h, you may have several family members with that planetary sign rulers, or whatever sign you have your mercury in:

Example: if you have Mercury Scorpio living in your 4h, you may several family members with Gemini/3h, Virgo/6h, Scorpio/ 8h placements somewhere in there chart.

- the 4h rules your whole family ancestry on your mother side. You can see the struggles and successes they had. The ruler of your 4hsign and placement can give you even more insight. Your 4h is like your genealogy just without the names, places and things. However, you can see the energy and what was passed down to you. This is where family stories that’s been passed down to you comes into play, write those down and look at your 4h. Even if you don’t know much about your family history, study your mom or grandmother life, that reveals patterns that was passed down to them and you.

-this actually shows who a person is underneath the surface. The 4h literally sits at the bottom of your chart. It’s the anchor, the thing that keeps you grounded. Despite what you show to your everyone else (10h), your 4h is who you are when you’re at home in your undies, your naked here.

Example: a person with a Mars 4h has a very active home life, there’s always something going on(good or bad). They may feel themselves at home then out in public. If they invite you to their house, you’ll see a completely different person than you thought you knew.

-you know the phrase “who raised yall?” All that can be seen in the 4h. Now Saturn rules over parenting but the 4h shows how that played out. How you were raised (4h) shows up in your very public life. Now if the ruler of your 4h shows up in a public house, everyone may knows your business.

Example: Kim Karsashian 4h planet ruler is in her 1h. The 1h is literally you, with the 4h in her house, her family is a main part of her image and life this incarnation.

-a A LOT of people don’t know this because it’s not that taught in a lot of public spaces but the 4h is connected to your death. The 4h rules endings of life. When people think of death, they think of Pluto because it rules over death. It’s a different kind of death though. So, the 4h is when you actually leave this realm but the 8h is the process and transformation of your death. It’s also what you left to those you love such as your beneficiaries etc. I hope this is making sense lol. Let me know if you want me to make a separate post on this topic

Example: Kurt Cobain has a 4h Sagittarius with ruler Jupiter in Cancer 10h. First, his death was very public globally, and is still talked about to this day(Sag). Everyone has there own opinions and ideal on his death which is also very Sagittarius He passed in his home(Cancer 10).

*DONT go looking at your chart trying to predict your death either after this nor don’t message me asking if I can read your chart about it. The answer is No! You’ll just give yourself anxiety and drive yourself cray. If you’re alive, focus on your mission only, focus on Life!!

- on the spiritual side of things, the 4h rules over your Soul family and soul ancestry. This is different than your regular family that you were born into. This family are the ones who’s been with you for several lifetimes and dimensions. Now, some of you family members may be apart of your soul family but this isn’t the case for everyone.

I’ll end this post here but I am open for full natal chart readings, check my pin page to see other options! Happy July!!

[eastsunbum]

INVISBLE STRING PT 2

pairing: stranger!matt x reader

summary : in which you and Matt had met as kids on a vacation, but lived too far away from each other. But some string pulled you together later on in life .

warnings : underage drinking

part 1.

└────────────────────┘

⤑ summer 2022

“I’m so happy you agreed to come to this party with me, I can’t deal with these fake influencers alone.” Isabel laughed while straightening my hair.

“You know I’d never miss a chance to go to a party. Plus who knows maybe I’ll find a mega hottie.” I replied causing us both to giggle.

I applied lipgloss before shoving it into my bag and going to pick out an outfit.

“What happened to that guy in your comments, matt isn’t it? He might be there tonight.” She gave me a knowing look while strapping her heels.

“Wait really?” My head whipped over into her direction.

“I think he and his brothers were invited, maybe you two will hit it off.”

“Don’t be crazy belly, he’s like famous now.”

Ultimately I decided on a black lacy mini shirt, and black tube top paired with black heels.

“So how do I look.” I asked belly shoving my belongings in my bag.

“Holy shit you look hot.” I giggled and pulled out my phone.

“Ok our ubers like here so we should go.”

ׂ╰┈➤

We’d arrived at the party about an hour ago and drinks were already flowing, music was blaring and chatter filled everyone’s ear.

“Bells I’ll be back I’m going to refill my drink.” I yelled to her over the music before making my way over to the drink station.

“Now what type of drink is that?” I heard someone say to my behind me.

“Acid in a cup-“ I giggled and turned around to face whoever was talking to me.

“Matt?!” My eyes practically popped out of my head when I saw the brunette boy infront of me.

“Hi Y/N.” His smile was as bright as I remember, blue eyes like glaciers, the only thing that changed was his now brunette hair was blonde.

“You look..wow. Like respectfully really hot.” My mouth spoke before my mind, but that happens every time i’m intoxicated.

“I could say the same thing about you.” He smirked down at me.

He looked around before setting on me again.

“Wanna go outside, there’s a fire and it’s way less stuffy.” He finished with a laugh.

The rest of the night I had spent my time with Matt. There was never a moment where we weren’t by each other’s sides.

“So you really don’t drink?” I questioned taking a swig of water.

“18 almost 19 years sober.” He winked at me.

“Y/N I really need to go home.” bells exclaimed grabbing my arm.

“Oh um ok, sorry matt I have to go.”

I gave him a saddening look before I was pulled away by my friend.

“Wait!” I felt a hand on now my other wrist causing me to stop.

“Can I get your number before you disappear for another 15 years.” Matt quickly pulled out his phone.

I bit back a smile while nodding, typing my number into his phone.

ׂ╰┈➤

⤑ summer 2023

“Happy one year Matty!” I exclaimed entering his room a big smile placed on my face.

“How are you so energetic in the morning.” He groaned and pulled me down to lay with him.

“Matt it’s 11:30.” I giggled and brushed stray hairs out of his face.

He sighed while just staring at me.

“What’s are your mind?” I questioned running my fingers through his hair.

“I think I’m ready..” My eyebrows furrowed,

“For the day? Matt i’m a little con-

“No, no. I’m ready to announce us. I know it took a long time but I think no I know I’m-

I cut him off my placing my lips on his gently.

“I love you Matt.”

“I love you my girl.”

matthewsturniolo

liked by yourusername and 734,209 others

matthewsturniolo happy 1 year to my first kiss, the girl that’s my other half, she’s the funniest, most caring and gorgeous girl. thankful for that invisible string that brought us back together,

…view comments

yourusername im not crying you are

matthewsturniolo i can confirm she is crying

user omggg we all called ittt

nicolassturniolo we like y/n more than you matt

user my parents

user she’s probably using him

user if she was using him they wouldn’t have been together for a year…

└────────────────────┘

ok so this is the last part, i wasn’t even gonna make a pt 2 but after all the requests i decided too

thank you all so much for the support on invisible string, i never expected any of it. i didn’t even think it was that good so all the support really meant a lot

i hope you guys like this

[hypnoneghoul]

Sundown: Chapter 10

WC: 1K

Relationship: SwissAlps

Tags: AU; Cowboy!Swiss x Barmaid!Mountain, Transfeminine Mountain, Implied Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, Grief

“She was the brightest person I’ve ever known. It’s like…she lit up every room she walked into.”

Playlist here. / Chapter 1 here or on AO3.

Read chapter 10 under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss has never expected to have to think about a day such as this one. He has never expected he would have to go about his day with the knowledge that on this exact day, just a year prior, his baby sister was being murdered to be left for him to find mauled in a puddle of her own blood.

Alas, here he is. Here it is, the first anniversary of Sunshine’s death.

He told Mounty a few weeks ago so she would understand that him distancing himself has nothing to do with her. She understands, but she’s not one to let her lover drown in misery while she watches from a distance. She’ll give him all the space he needs, but the moment she sees he needs her, she’ll be there.

The barmaid wakes up first to Swiss’ head resting on her chest and his arms tight around her waist. She looks down at him as much as possible, and wishes he could always be as peaceful as he is in that moment. Still, he soon wakes up.

Mounty sees in his eyes and expression as he comes to and realizes the date. The hurt flashing across his face jabs her straight into her own heart and she squeezes the man’s arm reassuringly. He doesn’t speak—none of their usual morning sappy giggles ensue—but he looks up at his girl and simply blinks and it’s more than enough for Mounty to know what he means. It’s a ‘thank you’ and an ‘I love you’ and an ‘I need you’ and so much more.

The barmaid nods, whispering as to not disturb the reverent silence too much, “I love you, too.”

Swiss lays his head back on her chest and sighs. It’s not going to be an easy day and it feels like hours before Mounty feels the man shift again.

“Do you want to talk about it? About her?” Mounty proposes, approaching the topic very carefully. “I’d love to hear something, if you’d like to tell me.”

“Yeah, I–I think I do,” Swiss rumbles after thinking about it for a little while, with his voice gravelly from unuse.

Mounty’s soft kiss on his forehead is more than enough of an encouragement, but Swiss realizes he really does want to talk about Sunshine. He never did, after her death, and now it’s been a year. She deserves to be talked about, though, she can’t be forgotten, the memory of her can’t simply fade. The cowboy owes it to her and maybe, just maybe, it’ll help him, too.

He sits up and turns to lean against the wall by the window, so she can look at his girl as he tells her the story.

“Her name was Sunshine,” he starts after clearing his throat, “Sunny for short. And it fit, she was the brightest person I’ve ever known. It’s like…she lit up every room she walked into, ya know?”

Mounty nods, smiling softly.

“She was six years younger than me and she was a…huh, a surprise let’s say. I don’t know about my parents, I doubt my mother wanted to have more children with my failure of a father, but I was over the moon. I wasn’t as happy when no one could sleep for months once she was born, but once she got quieter I was her biggest fan.

Then, uh…our parents sucked so I was mostly taking care of us both. Mom died when Sunny was around five. We were good, but you already know how my father fucked us over and how it all ended.

She was very creative. She liked to sing and always came up with new funny songs and new ways to make noise. Everything was her instrument, even the wind and rustling trees themselves. She was a…a true gem, ya know? There’s not enough people like her in the world.”

Swiss’ breath hitches and he outstretches his hands, desperately needing Mounty’s touch. She puts her own in them and laces their fingers together, silently saying that she’s with him and not going anywhere.

“I never told you that your voice–” his own cracks, “you sound very similar to how she did. You laugh the same.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, sorry. Should’ve told you sooner.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Mounty finally speaks again, “there was no reason for you to tell me, I don’t mind.”

“Mhm,” Swiss hums in acknowledgement.

It’s quiet for a few minutes before the barmaid admits in a quiet voice, “I wish I could’ve met her.” 

“I wish you could’ve,” Swiss agrees, even quieter, and Mounty doesn’t like the far away look in his eyes. Silence falls again as she tries to think of an appropriate thing to say.

“You wanna know what I’m thinking?” she speaks after a moment, squeezing Swiss’ hands in an attempt to ground him.

“Hm?” the man hums, barely there anymore. There’s tears in his eyes waiting to fall, but his stare is blank. The barmaid hates seeing him floating away further and further away with each passing second. She’s afraid that there’s not much she can do to hold him back.

“Look at the weather,” Mounty points out regardless, having to try. Swiss is slow to oblige, but he does, eventually peeling the curtain away to look out of the window. He doesn’t notice anything particularly special, though. Mounty clarifies, “it’s nearly summer and yet it’s been all gloomy for weeks.”

Swiss furrows his eyebrows. She’s right, but he still can’t grasp the point she’s trying to make.

“It’s sunny today. She’s here, Swiss. She’s here to remind you that no matter how gloomy the world is, there’s always going to be more sunny days. I bet she’d like you to think that every sunny day is her doing, her trying her best to make your day brighter. Dare I say you getting sunburned it’s her teasing you? She didn’t really go anywhere, my darling, she’s still with you. She always will be.”

Life returns to Swiss’ eyes when his tears fall.

Thankfully Mounty is there to wipe them all away.

[our-trans-youth-experience]

I feel so hopeless.

I don’t think I can wait until im 18 to transition. I dont know if I can even stay alive that long. Hell I cant stand the thought of having this body for 5 more years. My mom recently told me that she wouldn’t bear to look at me anymore if I ever got an abortion or top surgery, which I know is wrong for her to believe, but it still hurts so much. I’m not even out to her yet and she’s still being transphobic towards me and honestly I didn’t think that was possible. I don’t feel like a real transgender because I can’t even decide on a name for myself. I don’t even look like a boy. The only thing I can do is bind. My transmasc friend can pass so much better than me, I feel like he gets misgendered so much less than I do, and I just think he’s so lucky. Is it wrong for me to think that? I don’t know but I’ve lost so much hope. I don’t know anything. And it just feels like no one else really gets it.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

I’m sorry for the heavy ask.

-Lib (maybe, still considering other names)

Hey kiddo,

I know it feels hopeless, and I've been there (and still am there sometimes ngl). Your mother doesn't sound like a very good one, if she won't support her child's decisions about what they do with their body. It's your body, so it's completely up to you what to do with it even if that means you loose your mother's support. I'd recommend you avoid coming out to your mother as I don't think it'd be a safe thing for you to do. It's hard, not being "properly" out, but it'll be worth it in the long run.

You are really trans, you aren't faking it. You're trans enough and I believe you. If you still look "like a girl", I believe you and am currently in the same situation. Some of my trans friends change their name every week, some have multiple names at once, it doesn't make them any less trans. You say you can bind, so hang onto that because that is awesome! (That being said please remember to do so as safely as possible even if you have really bad dysphoria)

Please try not to compare yourself to other trans people you know, it doesn't help. However, it isn't wrong for you to be doing that because we all compare ourselves, although we probably shouldn't. Transition is not linear and everyone's transition is different and at a different pace because everyone's situation is different. So if your transition is at a slower pace, that doesn't make you any less trans, your journey just has more turns and is a bit more complicated.

There is hope, and I know it's what everyone says but I promise it's true: it does get better. It's not going to happen overnight, but things will get easier.

You say that noone really understands, but I promise I do. I'm still a kid, with an abusive/unsupportive mother, who has a few years left until I'm an adult and will likely rely on my parents for a while longer. I haven't come out to any of my family and only some of my friends, and I still look as much like a girl as I did when I was 5 years old. I struggled for years and still do, although I think I'm recovering. There's a whole bunch more, but simply put I'm in a very similar situation to you, you're not alone I promise.

It's not hopeless, I love you and I am here for you, and I need you to stay, even though I know how tough it is. Please reach out to me whenever you need to, I would be happy to talk to you as a friend and both my messages and my inbox are always open, although I'll likely reply to messages more quickly and they won't be posted. You are so loved, and I am here for you, stay safe <3

-Sage (he/they) :)