#i love making and analyzing mixtapes

[resourcds]

songs i love that jayden revri added to his charles playlist

francesca by hozier, the most payneland song to ever payneland

everywhere by fleetwood mac, i consider this a top tier payneland song like it's just so cute and them. specifically view it as the song's narration coming from charles

the run of family line by conan gray -> matilda by harry styles -> seventeen going under by sam fender is peak charles and it is very special to me. hurts a lot, but is very special

seventeen going under by sam fender, song so reflective of his character they had to add it twice so i am too

endless love by luther vandross & mariah carey, this song is so romantic i'm so upset on jayden's behalf that he never got to act payneland endgame

scrawny by wallows, the image of charles chanting "scrawny motherfucker with a cool hairstyle" to himself as some form of affirmations is making me ctfu. ik that's not really the point of the song but eh. also the final chorus is very payneland to me

honorable mentions: good luck babe by chappell roan, there is a light that never goes out by the smiths, break my stride by matthew wilder, and every michael jackson song cuz i love the imagery of charles dancing around the office to mj cds sue me. the whole playlist is amazing btw everyone should check it out

[i4oba]

nct dream as… !%# types of dates .. 🥣⋆☄︎. *. ⋆

[non-idol ver.! just so you know eheh]

✰ MARK — drive-in theater

it honestly came to mind pretty randomly, as you two got back from your last exam of the semester, driving mindlessly for about two hours — not because you didn’t know what you want to do, but because you two simply just enjoyed doing nothing??? but so many things at the same???

just listening to the mixtape you made for mark, singing so loud everyone could hear since the windows were rolled down too… you felt a sense of freedom? some kind of… relief from the burdens??? it was a pretty hectic exam season you two had to endure and since it was finally over.. you couldn’t keep your excitement low

looking at each other with love and adoration, exhaustion vanishing in the company of the other one — it honestly should be studied? how easy it is for you two to affect the other???

you stumbled upon the drive-in theater by accident, it wasn’t planned or anything, you just wanted to simply spend your night at mark’s place and call it a day, watch a movie on his laptop while cuddling and stuff

but when you spotted the sign you couldn’t help but exclaim, getting all excited over it, even slapping mark’s upper arm… poor boy winced and just said “hey, no need to kill the driver”

you didn’t even need to convince him honestly, he immediately agreed and there you were… not knowing what was actually screening, blindly finding a good spot you two can park and enjoy the movie

it would’ve slapped if it was some kind of slasher horror from the 80s… but it was casablanca

WHICH IS SO CLICHÉ I KNOW BUT it makes So much sense and honestly, it’s such a big game changer to see it like that. it’s like an opportunity you shouldn’t miss

mark got some popcorn and something to drink, to make the whole atmosphere even more “vibey”, as he said, and you two just.. turned off your minds and watched the movie

discussing it and everything, like FELLAS, that’s the right experience! that’s how you watch a movie!!! YOU GOTTA ANALYZE THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!!!!!! ahah

in the end, when almost everyone drove away from the theater, leaving you two here with like.. only 3 other cars, mark gave a kiss on your lips, as a way of celebrating it all. it was for a fleeting moment only, yet it was so sweet and full of emotions

it was a reward, of some sort.

✰ RENJUN — museum date

there was this new exhibition at the local fine arts museum so… it wasn’t even a question that you two would literally RUN (and get a good use of the student discount ahah, it’s a lifesaver!)

casually choosing some elegant clothes which, of course, had to be matching to a certain extent – people HAVE TO see that you guys are together, plus it would look so good on the pictures

you expected lot more of people since it was the first week of the grand opening but it wasn’t that crowded. Which is a good thing honestly, you hate it when it’s sooo full you cannot even move properly

it was an exhibition of some impressionist works by some of the most renowed painters, it was a must to not only look the best, but to prepare yourself for a long day of strolling around

you usually spend tons of time in museums anyways, but this also as part of a date??? the security would have to kick you out asap.. ahah

renjun immediately reached for your hands to hold, while walking around, looking at the beautiful paintings, talking about whatever came to mind – not just about art itself, topics changed so fast you couldn’t even realize it by the time it did

being in art school meant that renjun can sometimes tell you little fun facts and tips&tricks he had learnt in uni

sometimes it amazes how well informed he is and how he knows so many know-hows.. not like you weren’t aware, you absolutely knew he’s smart AND TALENTED, but still ahah

after a good… 3 hours or so? you two decided to end the date with a quick stop at the museum shop :DDD it’s a must honestly, you gotta buy every magnet and postcard you can… especially of such beautiful paintings???!!! you would be stupid if you left without Anything

so you two bought tons of stuff… even some things you can exchange, as if they were gifts for one another :,) ahhh…

you just have to print out that picture of you two, taken in front of that big painting of mesmerizing flowers: renjun kissing you softly, hands on your waist, eyes closed

✰ JENO — stargazing

you had been planning this for literal days before… you know, getting everything together, like those cool ass lamps in a jar bottle with the led stuff, blankets you bought from a nearby art shop?? which sold basically everything??? ahah

drinks and snacks too… you were honestly So Ready to go stargazing! :D

you were supposed to go to that rather tiny park of the town which is mostly empty. that’s why you decided on going there, avoid people and stuff, just the two of you, looking at the constellations >:( honestly it’s so romantic it makes me Cringe (i crave it)

but in the end, you two decided to stay at yours instead, since your parents left for the weekend anyways, which is just a bonus: it’s the two of you in the backyard with the vast sky full of stars

idyllic??? romantic??? adorable and unforgettable??????

All of the above

at first, you two just sat down on the swing bed your father recently bought at a random flea market he religiously visited every weekend :,)

but then, to use the blanket you brought outside (what a tiresome task ahah), you two laid down on the ground instead

the first constellation you spotted was the big dipper, exclaiming when you noticed it on the sky, gently shoving jeno’s shoulder, who was rather nonchalant at first

he then, of course matched your energy, and got super super excited, especially after noticing the ursa major :D he felt like he accomplished his life goal or something ahah (hes so stupid but in a cute way)

what the cherry on top was is his hands, reaching for yours, fingers intertwining, as your heart warmed up – you looked at him, his beautiful face, and noticed that adorable eyesmile of his

life felt good. you felt at home

✰ HAECHAN — restaurant hop

he fucking hates cooking lmfao he’s all like “yo girl i don’t think we should let Me get near that oven… we might burn up the whole house IJBOL” (he would definitely use ijbol irl)

so you were like…

hyuck, you literally don’t even have to come to the kitchen bro, i will cook… which happens most of the times when you decide to stay at home for dates

but this day!!! to spare you from the tiring task of cooking!!!!!!!! he said that you guys should try out restaurant hopping

you were confused as hell honestly, like wdym you want that, aren’t you a picky mf lmfao

but he said that he’s feeling adventurous and is pretty much lazy to go hiking or anything that a sane person would go for

and he felt hungry so it was like the best choice in his eyes – you were sick of spending most of your nights at his (shared…) apartment so you agreed after like… 5 secs of persuading

you wanted to plan out where you should go and maybe book a table at some restaurant but he was all like “honey, we should be spontaneous, go with the flow…”, so you did???? Ahah

the first restaurant was not even a restaurant, it was just the first street food stall you two stumbled upon, getting something for the both of you

you didn’t want to feel full so early so you chose something light (unlike hyuck who was sure he was “alright” but after like the second stop, he was dying because his stomach was hurting “So Badly”)

you ended the restaurant hop with a donut at one of the bakeries you usually go to – you know, to finish it off with something familiar??? now lemme just say, it was chaotic, because haechan could BARELY finish it and made it your problem, whining like a little girl after every bite

like you told him not to get the biggest, sweetest and greasiest one but he was sooo sure in himself, he said he’s got an extra stomach for desserts

well… was he wrong…….

you spent 1.5 hours there!!!!!! he took so much time LMFAOXJAJX they were closing already and he still hadn’t finished

so you tried to rush him and stuff but he turned his princess mode on ahah

but at least, on the way back to his place, he bought you tulips :) it was such a sweet gesture <3

not as sweet as his donut was…… (he almost threw up the next day cause he was feeling nauseous from the food)

✰ JAEMIN — picnic date

jaemin was so excited :( he literally couldn’t stop talking about it like.. that’s right dude!!!!!! we’re going on a date!!!!!! A PICNIC DATE!!!!!

he would literally live in the kitchen before the occasion so that he can cook&bake tons of things for you to eat :) he’s so… he’s so malewife

all you’re left to deal with is bringing the basket and checkered blanket, every other things are settled! they are in his hands, under his control :D

you two went to the park which is right next to the lake – you wanted to see swans while talking about anything and everything that came to mind (he literally compared your beauty to that of a swan… which made you almost tear up like BOY YOU DID NOT… argghhh)

it was a must to start it off with the most basic and cliché thing of everything: the chocolate covered strawberries, feeding each other all lovey-dovey, tooth rottingly sweet and stuff

everyone was possibly like “okay lemme just kms” when they spotted you two, all up on each other, legs all tangled together, stealing kisses from the other, while giggling so loudly

it was SOO so idyllic, almost like you two escaped from a romance movie, or a painting. it felt… perfect, in a way?

birds singing, the sun shining gently on your skin, while you could hear the laughter of the children running around, clouds in animal shapes

then the sun slowly setting, pinkish hues taking up the sky above, everything becoming quiet as time passes by

he hugs you tightly. tighter than ever, perhaps

✰ CHENLE — karaoke

if two weeks pass by without you and chenle going to a karaoke… Most probably it’s because you broke up or something

like girl ain’t no way you WON’T go to karaoke dates… nuh huh, impossible to even think of that ??? CHENLE, out of all people

that’s the least believable thing like i promise you!

like saturday night are for the gir- KARAOKE!!!!! :P that’s how it always goes, getting ready, putting on some casual clothes, maybe eating something quick before that, and then spending the entire time singing your lungs out

you don’t even have energy by the end of it, like it… seems impossible to even crawl back home :,)

but honestly it’s all worth it, comparing your score and stuff, seeing which one of you sings better

sometimes you just open instagram and do lives too, so that your followers can pick who they liked more

(it’s always chenle’s acc though like SO MANY people follows him, he’s like a celebrity… ahah!)

haechan always comes to watch and roasts the both of you, especially when it can be seen that chenle kisses you here and there

he types “EWWWW GET A ROOM FREAKS” and thinks he’s hilarious lmfao

you always start the date with a quick and energetic song, one that boost your energy up easily and then… honestly it depends on your mood

sometimes you gotta be in your moods and sing romantic ballads to each other, as if it’s a serenade

but then again, moods swing so quickly and you can end up in a rap battle too

you would totally eat him up tbh… and he knows it so well

he finishes the date off with the most cheesiest, lovely romantic song ever… like a confession said yet again, for the hundreth time

✰ JISUNG — amusement park

it wasn’t his idea honestly

it was all you coming up with it, because there was that one roller coaster you’d always been scared to go on

and since you haven’t visited ever since you had jisung… you thought MAYBEEEE (just maybe) it would be better with him

you can at least hold onto him and stuff

he wanted to eat before the ride though… you did not let him, of course, since you didn’t want him to throw up on you AHAH

but like, why did he came there RAVENOUS? duh … you’re gonna say goodbye to your guts on the ride girl what did you expect

but you know, the ride wasn’t even the part you enjoyed the most – it was good, of course, just not that… outstanding? i guess? it was alright… especially because you could hold jisung’s hand so tightly :,) it was honestly so adorable

they should’ve taken pictures of you like you’re sure you would’ve put it on the fridge or something

but after that, you went to the gift shop, to get those silly headbands!!!!! you got one that resembled a cat, and jisung got one with a hamster >:( it was adorbs

you two looked like those IT couples that you can always see in instagram, you know, holding hands, taking silly candid pictures and then eating sooo much food

FINALLY!!! thought jisung probably ahah you got so many sweets it was like you could feel your tooth decaying lmfao

at the end of the day, you two decided to try out the freshly opened photo booth which had been going viral for weeks

it was… an experience to say the least :,) but the pictures came out prettier than ever!!!! except for the one where jisung sneezed and you got all scared because he was Loud loud ahah

but the compensation was a fleeting kiss on your cheek! which was also captured on one of the pictures :)

[ap-kinda-lit]

A VegeBul Mixtape 🎶🌟

True Love — P!nk

At the same time, I wanna hug you / I wanna wrap my hands around your neck / You're an asshole but I love you / And you make me so mad, I ask myself / Why I'm still here, or where could I go / You're the only love I've ever known

I Love You, You Imbecile — Pelle Carlburg & Ida Maria

I can live with vanity and puns / And the morning temper runs / I can live with all your downsides / I can live with you

Cold Cold Man — Saint Motel

Oh, my love / I know, I am a cold, cold man / Quite slow to pay you compliments / Or public displayed affections / But baby, don't you go over analyze / No need to theorize / I can put your doubts to rest

For Once In My Life — Stevie Wonder

For once in my life, I won't let sorrow hurt me / Not like it's hurt me before / For once, I have something I know won't desert me / I'm not alone anymore / For once I can say, "This is mine, you can't take it" / As long as I know I have love, I can make it / For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

We’ve Got Love — OK Sweetheart

"I'm sorry" flows, the faucet's broke / But neither of us change / We're past butterflies and goosebumps / We know each other's dirty games / But at the end of the day when I ask you what's wrong / You put a smile on your face as you sing your love songs

Powerful — Major Lazer & Ellie Goulding

Oh my, my, my, what you do to me / Like lighting when I'm swimming in the sea / From the very first time we loved / From the very first time we touched / Walking on wires and power lines / You put your body on top of mine / Every time that you lift me up / To the heavens and stars above

Boom Clap — Charli XCX

You're picture-perfect blue / Sunbathing under the moon / Stars shining as your bones illuminate / First kiss just like a drug / Under your influence / You take me over, you're the magic in my veins / This must be love

Human Touch — Betty Who

Good love is so hard to find / We got it right for a while / Do you get lonely at night? / We don't have to go higher, we don't have to go

Digital Love — Daft Punk

Ooh, I don't know what to do / About this dream and you / We'll make this dream come true / Why don't you play the game? / Why don't you play the game?

Be Mine — Alice Boman

Don't promise me too much / No I'd rather you don't / A promise don't mean much to me no more / Be mine, be mine

Still The One — Orleans

Changing, our love is going gold / Even though we grow old, it grows new / You're still the one that I love to touch / Still the one and I can't get enough / We're still having fun and you're still the one

[mmhcs]

E1610! Miles x Bronx! Reader

A/N: Because I don't know why we haven't thought of this yet! P.S.: I'm not a Brooklyn-native. P.P.S.: I tried my best to make this as gender-netural as possible!

Y'all most definitely argue over which borough is better. Miles, of course, proceeds to list a million and one reasons as to why Brooklyn is better.

He's fascinated by the differences in the way you two speak. He loves it when your "accent" is audible in the way you speak.

Miles tries his best to indoctrinate introduce you to Brooklyn culture. He takes you to hotspots (Coney Island is one of the first that y'all hit up), but mostly sticks to local, Brooklyn-exclusive places (i.e. his favorite pizza spot, some of his favorite places to graffiti, that one small, Black-owned business that he gets some of his favorite clothes from).

Miles most definitely loves the South Bronx better than the North due to its street culture and abundance of unique graffiti. He literally drools when he sees a beautiful mural on the wall of a bodega or deli. He goes inside and asks the owner about the artist, get said artist's name, looks them up so that he remembers, and then proceeds to go back outside and take an abundance of photos of the mural before taking the next ten minutes to study it like a museum exhibit.

If you live in the North Bronx, Miles still finds to things to love. He still goes feral for any street art that he sees, and he'll make an effort for y'all to go out on adventures where you show him and/or discover new places in your area.

If y'all go to the Bronx Zoo, Miles takes a billion pictures in front of the entrance, claiming that he has to because this is an "infamous New York location!"

His favorite Bronx stops on the train are probably Simpson Street and Prospect Avenue.

I feel like Miles's dad, Jeff, and his Uncle Aaron used to spend their adolescent years out and about on the streets of New York. They grew especially fond of the Bronx, leading to them starting to visit the borough regularly and establish friendships and connections. However, Jeff ultimately fell out with this affinity after he started attending police academy. Aaroon kept up with it, though.

^Despite his shock, pain, and grief over his uncle, Miles forced himself to go through his uncle's apartment after his death. There, he found some old-school records and mixtapes, the latter mostly by local, underground artists from across New York. Miles kept them and has them stored somewhere safe in his room (probably his closet).

^^Y'all go through the collection, listening avidly as you study the flow of each of the artists, analyze the album cover, and the artists' styles.

^^^Most of the mixtapes feature Bronx-native artists.

^^^^Miles, refusing to accept this, runs out of his room and into the living room where his parents are sitting. He begins to explain the situation and asks Jeff to tell you that Uncle Aaron loved and represented Brooklyn through-and-through.

^^^^^Jeff laughs, a bit nervously because he's always raised Miles to take pride in where he's from (yes, the borough representation is real, people). He then explains that, yes, while Uncle Aaron loved Brooklyn, he loved the Bronx almost, if not just as much. He loved traveling to and from, made a lot of good friends and connections there. The Bronx is also where a few of his greatest and most memorable "honeys" are from.

^^^^^^Okay, I know that this is supposed to be a Miles Morales headcanon, but: when he wasn't out, working as the Prowler, Aaron was actually "away from a few days" as he says in his voicemail. He would travel to the Bronx to hang out and see friends. He was actually pretty well-known in some parts of the borough.

^^^^^^^Before his death, Aaron was serious relationship with a woman from the Bronx. Despite them seeing each other steadily for a year or four, he didn't tell Miles because he didn't want to introduce to him to someone that he would love, care for, and cherish, only to have it go up in flames. He most definitely gushed about her to Jeff and Rio on the down-low, though.

^^^^^^^^Aaron also thought about moving in with her and even marrying her more than once. Major Jabari x Meadow vibes.

^^^^^^^^^Uncle Aaron looking down at Miles with a smile because he's taking after his uncle.

^^^^^^^^^^"'Dem Bronx folk, man. They'll do that to 'ya."

If You Attend Visions Academy:

If you attend Brooklyn Visions, Miles texts you from the moment that he wakes up in order to make sure that you wake up with enough time to comfortably do your morning routine, get ready, and catch your train(s) with added flexibility in case of train delays.

^He never used to wake up early before, but he doesn't want you to be late. Not that it's a big deal (Miles has been late more times than he can count) but he doesn't want you to have frequent lateness on your record. Plus, the earlier you get there, the more time you two have to talk and prep for the upcoming day.

Often asks if you feel homesick. He can't imagine how it must feel. He only lives a few blocks away and yet he feels so far from home (hehe, get it?).

^^Does his best to make you feel accustomed to Brooklyn. He makes it a point to take you out and show you around so that you develop a sense of familiarity and don't feel out of place or lost.

If someone says that Brooklyn is the better borough, Miles will occasionally chime in with a reason or two as to why the Bronx is superior.

^You owe him a Brooklyn-based adventure after this, though.

^^If y'all are dating, you owe him kisses and cuddle-session in addition to a Brooklyn-based adventure.

Best believe that he's at the train station with you ever Friday and Sunday, helping you lug your suitcase and additional bags to and from Visions.

If You Don't Attend Vision Academy:

Y'all video call regularly to discuss your respective days as well as plan an in-person meet-up.

Y'all often meet-up in Manhattan because neither one wants to give the other the satisfaction of traveling to their respective borough for your meetups.

You two mainly meet up in the expensive, upper-class parts of Manhattan, though because Miles's parents threatened to ground him for two years if he was ever caught hanging around 125th Street.

^Miles takes that threat very seriously because he knows that, as the captain of the NYPD, his father has eyes everywhere.

When y'all get tired of watching the rich, expensive, and privileged go about their daily lives, y'all quite literally spin a wheel to see whose borough you're meeting up at next time.

Miles uses the times that you visit him to show you his life, starting from Brooklyn Middle, to Visions, and then his house.

He uses Brooklyn-exclusive menagerie to subtly flex and persuade you into admitting that Brooklyn is the best borough.

^ "They don't pizza like this in the Bronx, eh, mami?"

One time Miles suggested that you two visit Staten Island.

You looked at him for a moment, confused, because What's Staten Island?

Once you remembered, you gave him another look. He thinks he's so damn funny.

Y'all actually did end up going and had an above average time, surprisingly.

The next time Miles gets on your nerves, though, you threaten to banish him to Staten Island.

^His parents like the threat and start using it, too.

Bonus: "Hey, Miles, how come Brooklyn has a friendly neighborhood Spiderman but the Bronx doesn't?"

"Well, you see..."

A/N: Hi, hope y'all enjoyed! This was all in good fun and we love and support every borough (yes, even Staten Island).

[jonathanbyersphd]

*sighs* because @watchmenanon asked and I said I could.

The difference in the ways that Jonathan and Nancy display their relationship in their respective rooms is very interesting to me

On the one hand we have Jonathan who has two photos of Nancy in his room one of which is right on his nightstand. I really feel like it gets to the level that he shows physical affection with Nancy and how physical affection is normal in the Byers household. Like think about it in s2 he collapsed into her arms when Will was exorcised, he grabs her hand in the grocery store in s3, he picks her up in the driveway in s4. I would go so far as to argue that physical affection is one of his love languages and that makes sense considering Jonathan is our "quiet loner" type, when he can't find the words he can use actions. I know you're like but what does this have to do with the photo of Nancy. I'm getting there.

Our reintroduction for Jonathan and Nancy in s3 is them in Jonathan's bed, and it's heavily implied this has become their normal routine. So imagine if your love language is physical touch. You were waking up to your girlfriend everyday for at least a solid month and then you moved halfway across the country. Of course you're going to want to wake up to her face to make it bearable. You know he can't wake up to her but he can wake up to her (if that makes sense)

Now onto Nancy. Nancy only has Jonathan's poster, his photos and possibly mixtapes and letters around her room. There are no photos of just Jonathan or her and Jonathan. And listen we all know the Wheeler family is fucked up in terms of affection there's no need to rehash that. What I do think we need to analyze is the foundations of Jonathan and Nancy's relationship. All the way back in s1, the arguably one of their most interesting/defining scene in their budding relationship is the hunting store with neither of them say anything but they know what each other are thinking. Similar to the original share the bed sequence, Nancy invites him up he asks about the lights but then they're quiet. To put it simply, I don't think Nancy needs to see Jonathan's face to know he's there. He can be there in these little background details.

I also think that the most important interpretation of these details is how they reflect their separation and their long distance relationship. Nancy is in Hawkins and EVERYTHING is reminding her of Jonathan. Because Hawkins is small and they have known each other since childhood. They've always been circling each other in that sense.

But Jonathan is in Lenora and nothing reminds him of Nancy.

So Nancy has these subtle elements because he's still with her in that sense, where Jonathan needs to put Nancy into Lenora to make life make a little sense

But at the end of the day, Nancy and Jonathan do have these momentos of each other in their rooms. It doesn't matter how small or background it is. They've made an impact on each other, they're still tied together in this narrative like they have been since episode 1. I don't have the coherency to talk about the scars and the shared trauma. But IT'S ABOUT THE SCARS AND THE SHARED TRAUMA

This is long, my bad. And maybe it doesn't make sense but it does in my brain.

TLDR: The decor in Jonathan and Nancy's rooms is reflective of their relationship overall

[fuckmeyer]

Ok so I follow you because of your amazing analyzing and theories of twilight, but it's gotten to a point I have to consider reading your stories, and besides a Paul lahote story here or there over the years, I haven't really read twilight stories, especially ones that aren't about the Wolfpack.

I'm scared. So I wanted to ask about yours, what is it like?

Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?

(If you answer this, please consider the fact it might actually make me reread twilight (the original) and start ranting worse. For both our sanities, is it smart?)

Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?

both! liking Bella & Edward is THE biggest plot twist of this saga LOL. i'm not really one to hype my work so bear with me. here's the difference between Twilight & In The Afterlight:

the familiar:

setting. rainy rural PNW vibes

rough plot. girl meets vampire. vampire wants to kill her. love ensues. it starts you off in familiar territory, then slowly peels away as the story progresses. you'll find enough of the "iconic" scenes to keep you oriented in nostalgia, but not so much that you feel chained to the original book.

characters. no OCs. Bella & Edward are somewhat OOC, but their core traits are still intact.

the unfamiliar(ish):

Bella's personality. i think it was @blurry-walker who made this excellent point: we're supposed to like Bella because of how she's described, not by how she acts. Bella is not really selfless, mature, observant, compassionate, intellectual, or self-aware. which would be fine... if that were the author's intention. i've tried making Bella a mix between how she's described & how she acts: selfless, contemplative, & stubborn, with a sense of humor. & i threw in a backstory & hobbies - i.e, drawing, music, reading - so she has a life besides Edward. (she can still act like she's 18 tho. as a treat.)

Edward's personality. no stalking, no anger issues or mood swings, no misogyny, no invalidation of Bella's choices, no militant chastity. just a vampire who's lost his way & startled to discover he is every bit a part of this world as Bella. more humorous, more overwrought/ romantic, more contemplative.

the result is a relationship that's rooted in mutual respect, common interests & values, & genuine companionship. they talk about philosophy, they exchange mixtapes, they tease each other, & have slightly less self-control when it comes to sexual intimacy

James/Victoria plotline

twilight is less fairytale, more gothic horror

deeper thematic discussions (bc i think they're neat! :D). what does it mean to be you? how do you find yourself again when you're lost? what's the secret to keeping your humanity in death?

vampire/Cullen lore. what's the difference between a golden-eyed vampire and a red-eyed one? what are "la tua cantantes" and "mates"? why are the Cullens going to high school? what's the Cullen-Volturi relationship like? who are the Cullens, really? i'm trying to paint them as grayer characters & have their personalities/backstories make sense for who they are.

werewolf lore. i *hate* canon imprinting - how an imprinter loses him/herself to the imprint, how the imprintee can't say no, the fact that they imprint on CHILDREN when the theory behind imprinting is to "find the strongest genes"... NO. i hate it all. i hate that smeyer appropriates the legends of the Quileute tribe & how stereotypes/ tropes of Native people are perpetuated in this series. i especially hate the double-standards Bella puts on the pack vs the coven. justice for the wolfpack or bust

since you mentioned liking the wolfpack (same), the sequel, Come Nightfall (aka New Moon), has way more wolfpack content than the original, & we see a lot more interactions between Jake & Bella. (and Bella & Sam!)

i don't feel it's my place to tell you whether you should read this or even whether it's good. if it helps, this is what other people say:

"This… Was incredible. It was the kind of fanfiction that should be praised along the classics of the fandom, the kind you would want to print and put in the shelf in between Twilight and Life And Death."

"This is, to me, the epitome of great fanfiction--you took the story idea and characters and tweaked them to how you imagine it would be better as well as adding in your own flare, AND you have the story telling ability to back it up."

"You've managed to write something that not only surpasses the source material, but flies so far beyond it in nuance, craftsmanship, raw emotion and SMUT that it travelled through space and time continuum and shows no signs of stopping. Every time I think it can't get better, it does."

"I read both of your books in like 2 days; I couldn’t put them down. This is some of the best writing I’ve ever read on here."

"What a gem of a story. I read it in one sitting, the best canon rewrite I've ever read. Very very clever writing, engaging plot, and the most real Bella and Edward relationship I've ever seen. Everything about it, Bella and Jacob, Sam, Alice and Bella's dynamic, Billy and Bella, everything added so much colour to this story. I can't believe this came from Meyer's twilight and New Moon. Absolutely genius."

[0fft0neverland]

Fuckkkkk I’m on my Mac Miller kick so now I gotta do alllllll the unreleased tracks I love 🥴

“Everyday feel like the best day ever… until EVERY day feels like the best day ever.”

The beat on this is sick asf. His second verseeeee.

This boy was in another dimension when he made this shit… but it’s all true to some extent just presented in art 💀😵‍💫 tbh Mac is the adlib king. I fucking love his goddamn stupid adlibs in all his tracks 🤣

This dude and his damn rhymes and there goes the adlibs again lmao but a trend he’s VERY brutally honest. No wonder all these are unreleased fr because society wouldn’t be ready to handle the demons of man. Rip Mac.

He having funnnnnn, love love Mac’s diverse sounds 😭 love this song. Just gotta moveeeeee 🦗🦟🦗🦟

He was pure 🥹🥺

Annnnnnd there he goes back into space but he spitting his life brutally 💀… ADLIBS. This was baby Mac for sure but he dark & deep man.

Mac had an art of literally dissembling and analyzing himself via music, I believe like nobody else. He was disgustingly self aware, a curse when you’re lost 🥲 use drugs responsibly everyone.. the fucking end.

“Ya, I tried to do a lot of things

Couldn't focus on everything

I think I'm really good at many things

A phone's calling, that's the devil's ring

I'm not gonna answer that phone

I'm ready to go back home

Been on this road for so long, that all I do is sit and make sad songs

What the fuck happened to that nice kid

That you knew when he released that mixtape called K.I.D.S

And everybody thought that he would be so big

Until he lost focus 'cause he got so sick

Of all the bullshit that they always do, tell you what you gotta do

Everybody's watching you, and you just wanna scream an opera

I think I need to see a doctor”

And there’s so many more but I’d be here forever & some aren’t available anymore 😫

[concretebed]

Favourite songs from your top artist?

AWESOME question. my top artist is king krule so i'll give u a long list

1. cementality - for obvious reasons. i've named myself after this song on liek every platform. and this song is so fucking sad. like it's talking about suicide and having worms in your brain basically and it's so somber and i love it i eat it up.

2. the locomotive - i don't have a super. real reason for this being #2 it's just my absolute fav off of the ooz. i interpret it as being scared of change and like taking that step onto the metaphorical train of life

3. emergency blimp - another one from the oooozzzz but i liek this one because the lyrics, again, are relatable. it's about his like. idk mistrust of pills to treat mental issues and how like idk the pills make him feel not great. also there's definitely something about love in here but im not a great critical analyzer so.

4. energy fleets - MAN ALIVE!!!!! this i think is an underrated king krule song. it's so good. i think it's about coming to terms with the fact that maybe youre not who you thought you'd be! but thats ok! youre you! and all your illnesses are you and while that sucks its okay. youre alive.

5. seaforth - okay yesss a little bit cliche to like his first single after a few years of NOTHING but it's WHATEVER i don't care it's so good. i see you, my same eyes. it's so fucking good it's like a lullaby when i have a baby im probably gonna sing it to her

6. out getting ribs - clichè, clichè, clichè (beyoncé reference) who cares it's such a good freaking song. it's timeless and it's awesome and seeing it live was probably one of the best moments of my 2023 i think everyone should listen to that song once even if they never listen to king krule ever after that.

7. turtle neck man - technically not a king krule song but he's the vocals so who cares. i just like this one cuz it scratches a itch in my brain.

8. arise dear brother - this is a song off his mixtape under his real name and it's like so good. idk some people don't like a new place to drown but i think it's SO funky! arise dear brother has this like vibe to it that i fuck with really hard. and i like the lyrics and the beat and whatever makes that clicking noise in the song it's awesome

9. 363N63 - this song is just like sex in my ears sorry i don't really have a reason it's just good

10. seagirl - i LOVE this song because i think king krule needs to do MORE COLLABS WIRH ARTISTS I LIKE. ITS AWESOME. also because this song makes me envision like a fisherman falling in love with a mermaid and he keeps drawing her to prove to people like look she's real and no one believes him but she's like im ur seagirl. whatever thats a very literal interpretation of the song but it's okay

i hope u liked this it was only supposed to be 5 songs but im crazy bout my ginger so

[particular-one]

PLEASE THE NEW DAN HENG WAS SO GOOD 😭 my angst heart loves that the fact he never got to hear reader's last words would haunt him forever. He probably lays awake at night in bed imagining the event all over again and daydreams you dying in his arms instead of by yourself while he got help 😢

You so get me on the Oikawa simping. If you ever decide to release the hottest mixtape on why he's the most dedicated lover then I will stream it 24/7 😤. And mr.tetsurou!! He would never willingly make a fool of himself but once you get some alcohol in him 🥴 all his repressed feelings are about to come out!!!

I can't think of any requests but I see you currently have 8 in your inbox so I'm soooo looking forward to it on top of whatever you have in your drafts! Also I saw that you're closing matchups soon and that you're willing to do additionals so can you do 3 more for me with the info I sent since you already posted mine, please? (Only if you have the time and energy of course!!! I won't be too greedy for your writing and interaction now heheh) for the fandoms.....ummm...argh, this is so hard because I literally am in all those fandoms 😭 If any characters from any of your given fandoms jump out at you then I'll take them but if nobody comes to mind then I'll choose genshin, honkai and you can literally choose the last one for me hdjsks IM SORRY IM SO INDECISIVE 😣 we literally have all the same fandoms so it's so hard for me but I promise I'm not picky and I'll love whatever you write anyways so no stress LOL

I'm sitting in the doorway and just took my shoes off as I write this bc i got the notifs that you posted but i hope youre having a good day/night wherever you are!!💕💖

-🐰

teehee oh that was definitely the intention. i think it just adds to the heartbreak even more that he should have stayed by ur side for your final moments.... oh well! i love to give my comfort characters the biggest hug but simultaneously dump a truckload of angst on them .... whoops. wooHOOO oh yeah. watch me become oikawa's defense lawyer AND brand new pr manager, just going "dw sweetheart i will take care of you".... but in all seriousness, there is just so many layers to him that i really love abt him!! tbh he's probably the first few characters i really invested in analyzing, which is what got me into literary analysis and writing haha. waaa thank you! 🥹 ngl most of the stuff in my inbox are matchup requests but i rlly enjoy writing those anyways. i still have an angst idea that i would like to write out (it's been sitting in my brain since yesterday ngl) but i still have one more final to finish so maybe later this week! oh! but an anon did request for a scenario for kuroo and oikawa based on our convo so! 👀 hopefully i can get that out pretty soon<3 and on the topic of the matchup, definitely, yeah!! i think i did genshin for u already BUT i can always do a second genshin since there's lots of charas if u'd like :> keeping the last fandom a surprise till i post it. thanks for the ask as always and take care of urself! <3

[jimi-rawlings]

Future - Salute (Purple Reign)

2015 was a significant year in rapper Future's career. He worked on mixtapes Monster (2014), Beast Mode (2015), 56 Nights (2015), a collaboration mixtape with Drake, What a Time to Be Alive (2015), and his studio album DS2 (2015) shifted from introspective ballads to macabre rap numbers about drugs and sex.[10] Analyzed Matthew Ramirez of Spin, Purple Reign continues this antagonist style, but with more restraint to the point where Future sounds stoic and the instrumentals "muted" and "monochrome".[10] A few moments involve Future delivering the style of sad, straightforward lines prominent on Streetz Calling (2011) and Astronaut Status (2012). As he laments on "Never Forget", "I ain’t make my auntie’s funeral I ain’t never forget it / I know she know I love her and I hope she forgive me."

Favourite Tape in History.

Mahé Mauriat

[pancakes4two]

ok here’s a little bit of dramaaaaa. sorry this isn’t the most cohesive blurb, it was hard to find good pics but hopefully you all enjoy regardless!

previous parts from this series can be found here!

yourinstagram

Liked by harrystyles, mitchrowland and 100 others

yourinstagram the making of fine line… not pictured are the countless all nighters pulled & redbulls consumed 😛

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kidharpoon way too many redbulls

harrystyles Fine Line is actually an album about sun, sex, and energy drinks.

jefezoff Hi @ harrystyles never say that to the press ever, please and thanks.

harrysfinsta

Liked by yourfinsta, sarahsfinsta and 10 others

harrysfinsta What does it taste like?

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yourfinsta 🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓 on a summer eveninnnnn

sarahsfinsta Beach bums

yourfinsta

Liked by harrysfinsta, yourbff, and 36 others

yourfinsta always great to have your man stolen by stevie nicks for a few minutes every couple of years!!! i used to play silver springs on my speaker all the time to try and curse him with a bit of stevie magic so it feels very full circle every time i watch them sing together 💗💗💗 🪄🪄🪄#onenightonly #whatwouldstevienicksdo

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harrysfinsta I can’t believe you would openly admit that.

yourfinsta you could be my silver spring……. 🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

harrysfinsta Closing my eyes and covering my ears now.

revealmoi

27,463 likes

View all 700 comments

deuxmoireader Harry Styles

harrystan1 ahhhh harry omg

harryfan2 if this is true love isn’t real wtf

harrystan3 honestly it probably is like fine line is such a sad album. i hope they’re both okay

yourinstagram i normally don’t like to comment on this stuff but it’s hard when your relationship is constantly scrutinized and analyzed under a microscope by so many people. h and i are okay. please remember that not every song he writes is from his own experience. hopefully we can all move on and appreciate the album for its storytelling and lyricism, instead of taking it at surface level to feed gossip headlines. love you all & thank you for caring, but rest assured we are all good! hope everyone is enjoying fine line ❤️

your finsta story:

yourinstagram

Liked by harrystyles, jefezoff and 200 others

yourinstagram i still remember the first time i realized h was going to be a star. our sophomore year, right after he first got his license, we were driving down the freeway coming back from school when all of a sudden we got caught in a thunderstorm. one of those where you don’t really notice it coming, but it rains like hell before stopping just as abruptly as it started. h pulled over at the side of the road and put in a mixtape while we waited for the storm to pass.

i remember sitting there in the car of the boy i was starting to fall in love with, listening to him sing gerry rafferty and fleetwood mac to me and just thinking in that moment that the whole world was going to know his name one day. & today he just won his first grammy.

it’s been such a privilege to love & support him through it all. an even greater privilege to be able to share his beautiful heart with the rest of the world. ❤️

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yourinstagram sorry for being a sap. i’m not good with words either but i’m just so so so happy and proud!!!

jefezoff ❤️

harrystyles Couldn’t have done it without you.

yourmom Congratulations, H!!!!!!

[softsnzstuff]

Request from @justaddsniffles - Camping scenario with Edissy.

Enjoy 1.1k of sick!Eddie and soft!Chrissy

🤍 Thanks for the prompt, love! -KB

*******************************************************

“Is it a left or a snF right up here?”

The crinkling of the paper map unfolding interrupted the Rock N Roll mixtape playing on the car radio. The strawberry blonde analyzed the map, turning it a few different ways before figuring which was right side up. Her finger traced along the drawn highway until it arrived at the spot labeled “Eddie and Wayne’s Spot” in sharpie.

“It’s going to be a right!”

Chrissy beamed up at her boyfriend who was driving the van to the campsite he and Uncle Wayne used to come to every summer. They’d stopped when Eddie turned about 13, but he remembered them very fondly.

Now he was taking Chrissy, his first love, in early November, when the leaves were bright orange and everything felt warm.

“I think you’re going to really love this place, Chrissy. It was my safe haven as a kihh - kid. H’exxtchEW! Ing’tCHEW! HxshIEW!”

Eddie ducked into his elbow, one hand still on the wheel. Chrissy reached over and patted his thigh.

“Bless you. I’ll love any place that is special to you.”

Eddie veered off to the right, switching from the main road to a dirt trail, gravel crunching beneath the tires. The path wrapped around several bends, moving up and down with the curves of the Earth.

A few minutes later they pulled to a stop. There was a clearing of dirt on the edge of the lake, backed up against a dense wall of trees.

Eddie hopped out of the van and ran around to help Chrissy out, her hiking boots meeting with the slightly damp ground.

“Welcome to Casa de Munson. It’s uh, not much but it feels like home.”

Chrissy pulled him closer to her and placed her other hand on his chest, looking up at him.

“It’s perfect, Eddie.”

Eddie grinned ear to ear, the November flush standing out against the black and grey of his flannel. His eyes darted from Chrissy’s, down to her lips, then back up to her eyes before he leaned in.

Chrissy leaned in too, her eyes closing. She was instead met with her boyfriend quickly turning to the side, and pitching downward into the left collar of his flannel.

“H’ehKSH’iew!! Ik’esshIEW! Ngt’chEW!! snFF”

“Bless you!” She placed a hand on his arm, “Are you feeling okay? You seem extra sneezy today.”

“Yeah, sheesh sorry… snFF, m’bust be m’by allergies.”

---

Eddie spent the afternoon setting up the campsite and showing Chrissy his favorite spots. The climbing tree that Eddie used as a lookout post, the dock where Wayne taught him how to fish, and the rock he fell off of and broke his arm when he was 11.

Chrissy took in every detail of the scenery, images of Eddie as a kid dancing around in her mind. Although he never joined the scouts, Wayne made him learn a few basic skills like starting fires - this particular skill something he showed off as he prepped their campfire for the night.

The flame danced, embers crackling and lighting up the surrounding area. The evening felt perfect: making s’mores, dancing in the moonlight, and Eddie strumming his guitar while she leaned up against him.

“IK’tschEW! TssCH! H’eKTssh!”

“Bless you.”

“Thanks. snF sorry…”

She looked up and kissed his cheek. “Let’s get you to bed.”

---

Chrissy had stepped to the side to brush her teeth. She marched back to the tent, her flannel pajama bottoms ticket into her boots, waffle knit top pulled over her hands.

As she approached the tent, she could see Eddie’s silhouette, illuminated by the small lantern they had brought. Since the tent was thin material she could see and hear him.

“Gk’tschEW! Hih’KSH’iew!! snF snFF- K’isshEW!”

Chrissy unzipped the tent door and climbed in, kneeling next to Eddie with a hand on his back. “Bless-”

“Nohhht doone- H’aeKSSSH! HEH’ih’KSSH!!”

“Aww poor baby.” Chrissy rubbed circles on his back while he sniffled helplessly.

“snRKT, sorry, pollen’d is really getti’g to m’be I guess.”

Chrissy frowned, “Let’s get some rest, maybe that’ll help?”

“Yeah m’baybe.” Eddie cleared his throat and kissed Chrissy on the cheek. “Goodnight.”

They both crawled into their sleeping bags and he clicked the light off. Chrissy had drifted easily into a light sleep, but for Eddie, it was a restless night.

Up until about 2am, he tossed and turned, waking up in a sweat, then freezing from being in sweat soaked clothes.

He’d fallen asleep for a short while, but woke up again a few hours later in the early hours, throat sore and tickly. He felt he couldn’t even get a full breath in without the tickle in his throat making him choke. With his mouth closed, he sat up stifling a cough against his fist, trying not to wake Chrissy.

He coughed for about twenty seconds before it had knocked loose some of the congestion that he felt settling in his sinuses.

‘Oh no’ he thought. If he got into a fit right now, he’d wake Chrissy for sure. He felt the tickle blossom, spreading across the back of his nose.

He inhaled sharply before harshly stifling into his hands, fingers pinching his nose closed.

“H’Nxxt! NxxxT….H’NxxT!” He sniffled thickly, turning to look when he heard Chrissy stirring in her sleeping bag.

“-ddie?” A small murmur.

“Everything’s fiihh H’NgtSSCH! Go back t’bed, Chris… Heh’KSSH! IKT’sssCHEW!”

He coughed wetly into his elbow and sniffed soupily, Chrissy kneeling down in front of him, one hand on his shoulder and on hand to his clammy forehead.

“Hey Eds, I think this might be something more than allergies.” She cooed, handing him his bandana. He blew his nose before responding.

“I snrFF thi’gk you mbight be right.” He rubbed the heel of his palm against his eyes. “Sorry I woke you up.”

She giggled and pulled him into a hug, “This is not the first time your sneezing has woken me up, Eddie Munson.”

He hugged her back, his own laugh distorted from congestion. “You okay with it if we cut this trip short? M’baybe come back another day?”

“Of course! Let’s get you back to 100% first. The real ‘Casa de Munson’ is wherever you are.”

“Have I ever told you I love you?” He asked.

“You may have mentioned it once or twice.”

[polyghostfacehours]

billy and stu at pride with y/n? what would that be like? since its june and all. (i feel like they wouldn’t go but let’s pretend that with enough whining from y/n they agree) i love the way u write them btw. doesn’t feel out of character at all :)

Thank you! I try and keep them as much in character as I can, and spend an ungodly amount of time analyzing their scenes in Scream (it's how I noticed Stu's little mutilated doll project in his attic lmao, I went frame by frame on that shit.)

Poly!Ghostface x Reader at Pride!

So 1996 Stu and Billy wouldn't go to Pride that was anywhere near Woodsboro. But they would be willing to go to one a reasonable distance out of town for you, where Billy's dad wouldn't be able to spot him.

And Stu happens to know which one they would attend. He has an estranged gay aunt who he adores, but isn't allowed to visit often due to his parents' prejudice. She's the biggest supporter of your relationship and is more than happy to let you guys stay with her during the time!

Billy would be too nervous and ashamed to wear any particular flag apparel, but Stu goes absolutely buckwild. He doesn't even care if someone he knows sees him because it's not like they can out him without them outing themselves by being there.

If you are trans, they will both wear trans flag apparel in solidarity. Billy wears a pin, and doesn't care who sees. He may struggle with his own identity, but when it comes to you, he holds nothing back. Stu will have a whole line of trans snap bracelets going down his arms for you. This includes the transmasc and transfem specific flags.

You guys take a ton of polaroids together to put in a photo album later.

Stu brings a mixtape of songs to play that he feels fall in line with the spirit of Pride, and when he finds someone with a boombox, he hands it to them to play while you guys drink and loiter in that area.

Anyone with working eyes could see that Billy is uncomfortable at first. He has that characteristic blank expression and keeps looking around awkwardly. Your heart warms when you see people going out of their way to make him comfortable and by the end of the night he's laughing with the drag queens!

Someone explains demisexuality to 90s!Billy and his mind is blown bc wtf that fits me even more than Stu's bi one

You guys run into another poly throuple and holy shit are all 3 of you blown away. You guys had never ran into any other poly people irl and had only read about the topic on some websites on geocities. This experience really solidifies in your minds that what you guys have is real and true and right

So moving on to some MODERN AU stuff.

Billy and Stu absolutely attend the nearest Pride, no questions asked. Billy's dad is still prejudiced, but Billy cares significantly less because it's 2021 and fuck that be gay do crime.

The minute you guys graduated high school you immediately moved to the big city(I headcanon New York), that has a large LGBT community and presence.

Billy still struggles with his identity but a lot less, and Stu. Oh Stu. Stu absolutely is in PRIDE mode at all times tbh. He always shows you guys off on social media, does PDA in public, and is just proud of you guys in general. At Pride he is absolutely decked head to toe in Pride apparel. He dies his hair and paints his face + chest for the occasion.

Billy is still incredibly subdued, and doesn't really dress up. To him, his sexuality and polyamorous relationship is no one's business but his own and those involved with him. He celebrates his pride by just being there, and maybe wearing a couple of pins or necklace.

You guys wear matching poly pride necklaces that say "Im their boy/girlfriend". Stu gets a temp. tattoo of 3 figures on his right arm that look like those restroom sign figures lmao. Billy hates it lmao.

If you are pre-op transmasc and want to go shirtless but are too nervous to, Stu is your hype man. he will paint anything you want on your chest and assure you that duh guys go topless all the time and youre a guy so whats the problem dude.

If you are transfem and want to wear a short skirt and need help tucking properly, Billy will help you in anyway he can. He won't even be horny about it, he know how important it is to you. It's one of the moments he's most gentle with you.

Stu makes friends easily already, but seeing him at pride was a whole 'nother ball game. His interactions almost seem a bit more....genuine? He's more at ease somehow, as if the stress of acting like a cishet dudebro in his small conservative town that just doesn't understand him or his murder tendencies just...melts away.

If you are bisexual/pansexual cis woman and they hear anything about how you're "bandwagoning" and "theyre just straight women who make out with girls at parties sometimes" then they will go absolutely feral on them. Their girlfriend belongs at pride just like any other queer person fuck you.

Billy gets maaaad jealous when you or Stu get inevitably hit on. Deathglaring the leather daddy flirting with Stu, kissing you in the middle of a conversation with that cute queer biker girl. The works. But of course he absolutely revels in how many people hit on him. he could never resist an ego boost.

If you ever feel uncomfortable for any reason, you'll have to let them know. They're gonna be mainly absorbed in themselves and exploring what's around them, so they're not gonna be super attentive at the time. And honestly, Billy would probably notice but won't do anything until you say something because he's selfish and wants to keep having fun. So speak up!

[nekoannie-chan]

Bring me to life part II

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Kathleen (OFC).

Word count: 1169 words.

Summary: Kathleen tried to arrange her marriage, but realized she was tired of the situation.

Warnings: Mean!Steve, break up.

A/N: This is my entry to @writercole‘s Millenial Mixtape Challenge with the song #65:

“Bring me to life by Evanescence.”

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou  @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817  @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum​ @pandaxnienke  @real-fbi @smokeandnailz  @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown​ @xoxonotme​ @bluemusickid​ @leyannrae​  @harrysthiccthighss​ @marvelatthisone​ @hallecarey1​ @caplanbuckybarnes​

August 2022

 He got in the house. He had waited until Kath left; the first thing he saw was the gift box. He frowned. The gift was for him. He opened it. It was a watch. Kath had bought it for their anniversary. He didn't remember what it was or when, and that's how he concluded that the time she asked him to come home was to celebrate. It also meant that her birthday had already passed and he had forgotten it.

Steve knew how much Kathleen loved him. If he prepared something special, he would forgive him and everything would be as before. Apart from that, she had to understand that he was very busy helping others.

Kathleen noticed Natasha was nervous when she saw her, even though she had already analyzed her mind and found nothing unusual.

Perhaps because she hadn't seen Steve since that day in the gym and, from what it seemed, she hadn't gone home either, she couldn't deny that she felt lost. Sometimes she just needed to not listen to the minds of others. She was startled to hear the door suddenly open.

"Romanoff, can you let us talk alone, please?" Steve asked as he entered the office.

Natasha nodded and quickly walked out of there. Kath even found that the woman moved exaggeratedly fast as if running away from her.

"What's wrong?" Kath was surprised that Steve was going to see her; they had barely spoken in recent years.

"Tomorrow we'll go out," Steve replied.

"Why?" She was confused; the last time they had gone out was the day when Thanos complicated the existence of the entire universe.

"To celebrate our anniversary and your birthday."

"Ha ha ha, great joke." "Steve, that was many weeks ago. I won't go. I don't feel like celebrating anything," Kath thought it was a joke. She wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"We'll go to dinner. You're going to get ready, and we'll have a good time," Steve said and left his wife's office.

Kath grimaced. No, she had tried to fix things that time and he hadn't cared, nor that she felt lonely for all that time.

That night, Steve did not come home, but neither did Kath. For a moment, however, she concluded that she had to think of something else, to find another solution because she was already tired.

Kath was breathing heavily. She couldn't go home that day; he would probably be waiting for her. She couldn't go to the parking lot either; she would have to open a portal when she wanted to leave. She took her mobile phone and dialled.

"Is he there?" she asked.

"He's waiting for you outside your office. From here I see him," Brock replied, pulling the curtain a little to see better. But also, someone else is waiting for you.

"Brock..."

"Kitty, it's not me, it's agent Simmons. It seems she needs your help," Brock replied.

"Do I see you in Rollins' office? I don't want to see him.

Kath's fingers were drumming at what he expected. Jack was still dumbfounded. He still didn't know or understand how he had ended up in all that mess. However, he was overjoyed when he saw Brock and Jemma come in.

Without imagining it, Kath got what she needed to avoid Steve, Jemma needed a little of her powers, and fixing what she needed took them until the next morning. Kath was so entertained that she didn't even bother to let her husband know.

The next day, Steve took her by the arm to stop her as soon as he saw her. He was very angry that things hadn't gone as he planned.

"You didn't show up last night," he reproached.

"I was busy," she replied, taking her arm off his back.

"You lie," Steve countered, standing in front of him to prevent him from leaving.

"Jemma needed me. I lost track of time."

"Simmons? You don't know what I tried...

"I have things to do."

January 2023

 She didn't even know why she kept going. Since the last time they talked, she didn't even stay there anymore. Occasionally she went. She saw the dirty clothes in the basket. She sighed. Steve didn't worry about fixing his mess either. She took the shirt and froze for a few minutes. Now she understood everything. Steve probably forgot that she had visions.

Although she would actually have liked to have had one many years earlier, perhaps that would have saved everything they experienced.

She would no longer stay in that house. She took his bags. Until that moment, she had not dared to take out her belongings, but she no longer wanted to continue like this. She was going to take the photo albums, but she left them. She didn't really want them. She called me Brock.

I need your help. I just realized something. See you in two hours in a... "You know my secret place?" she asked. That's because, after hanging up something unintelligible, that spell would make Steve not suspect anything.

The first thing she did when she arrived at the hostel was to arrange the suitcases. Now she would live there. It was the place that her friends had left her, that area that almost nobody knew nor could they enter. She saw the clock, it was time. Brock knew the location, but he could not enter. The only thing he saw was a hill. Kath was grateful that Agatha had taught her to hide the place.

"Are you okay?" was the first thing Brock asked when she let him in.

"Better than ever."

"Kitty, don't lie."

"Seriously, I'm fine. I've made a decision," she said, pausing and swallowing before continuing. "I want to divorce Steve, but without him knowing."

Brock's gesture was at first one of understanding, but it soon changed to confusion. He did not understand how he could achieve it.

"I think I don't understand. He must agree..."

"Brookie, you forgot something very important; I have two things in my favor; I have powers because of my X gene and magic. Of course, I will need some of your help, but he should not find out. I just don't want anything from him but divorce," she said.

"I don't understand. How can I help you?"

"It's very simple. You will tell him that you need to talk to him and there he will sign the papers. I will use my powers to do it. Then I will erase from his mind that this happened. He will not remember it," she explained.

"Kath, why?"

I don't love him anymore. I think I stopped doing it a long time ago, but I didn't want to accept it. I want to be happy with Brock, that's all.

They continued with the plan. Steve didn't even notice. He was confused when he woke up. He didn't remember going to the ward, but that didn't matter. It was time to go to work.

[mysmorgasbordoffantabulosa]

Do you think Your Eyes Tell was written for Tae? Can you analyze the song?

Yes.

Remember "eyes tell" is a phrase that both JK and Tae have referenced each other with it.

I wonder if the song was written about the possible disbandment period in late 2017 and 2018, because some lyrics hint at this:

The song was originally intended for his mixtape and probably, like Stay was reworked by Japanese producers/writers to serve its new context, that could have included changing the lyrics to suit the film.

The lyrics that that don't reference the films characters (a blind woman), are fascinating: if you take out these film references and the raps you get the following lines:

Hey, stay by my side and laugh Please believe me So you don't go away I'll give my everything to you Still unable to verbalize The hopeless dream in my heart To be loved To love someone You taught me That someday the sadness Will wind us together

There's longing and plea to a loved one. Again, it speaks of separation and a need to be loved, and an inability to communicate.

Similar to Tae's Sweet Night there is this theme of separation. It makes me think JK started writing this in 2018, after the disbandment discussions and the year of "separation", just as Tae drew upon it for Sweet Night.

Whilst the song is all about longing and sadness, there is always hope, a hope that will wind them together.

[starryyyjoon]

I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot

word count: 8.2k

pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader

summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.

disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!

Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.

There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.

I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.

"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.

"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.

"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.

"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.

The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.

All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.

The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.

His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.

"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.

"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.

"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?

"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.

"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.

"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.

"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.

"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.

"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.

"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.

"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.

"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.

"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.

"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.

"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.

"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.

For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.

"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.

"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.

"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.

It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.

"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.

"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.

"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.

"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.

"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.

"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.

"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.

"You look casual", he teased me.

"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.

"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.

"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.

"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.

"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.

The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.

"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.

"Bye", I left.

________________

"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.

"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.

"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.

He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.

"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.

"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.

"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.

Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.

"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.

"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.

"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.

Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.

Ah.

I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.

This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.

I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.

"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.

"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.

"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.

"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.

"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.

"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.

"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.

"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.

"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.

"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.

After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.

"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.

"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.

"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.

"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.

"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.

"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.

"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.

"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.

"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.

"No", I said back in a split second.

"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.

"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.

"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.

"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.

"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.

"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.

"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.

"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.

It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.

I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.

"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.

"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.

"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.

"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.

"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.

"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.

"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.

"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.

"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.

"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.

"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.

What?

"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.

"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.

"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.

"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.

I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.

I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.

I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.

He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.

He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.

He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.

I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.

I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.

I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.

As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.

He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.

A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.

"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.

"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.

"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.

"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.

Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.

"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.

"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.

"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.

After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.

The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.

I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?

________________

I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.

I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.

I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"

In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".

"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.

The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?

Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.

"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.

"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.

"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.

"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.

"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.

"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.

My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.

I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.

I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?

"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.

"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.

"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.

Δ

Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.

Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.

That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.

"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.

"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.

"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.

"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.

"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.

"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.

"I don't care", he eyed me.

"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.

"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.

I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.

"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.

Deal with it.

As if.

Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.

I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.

He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.

I like you. I like you a lot.

I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.

"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.

"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.

"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.

"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.

"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.

"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.

"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.

I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.

"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.

It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.

I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.

It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.

I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.

He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.

It was good.

"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.

"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.

"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.

"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.

"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.

"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.

After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".

"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.

"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.

"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.

"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.

"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.

"Like what?", I asked him.

"Like you can love me", he said.

"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.

"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.

"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.

"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.

________________

My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.

It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.

He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.

He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.

"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.

"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.

"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.

"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.

"Right now?", he asked surprised.

"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.

"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.

"I, you", I held his hand again.