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epicene-humanoid · 4 years ago

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some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times.

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through).

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode.

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that.

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous.

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

#community #jeff winger #trans jeff winger #GOD i'm gonna make a video essay about it if nobody stops me #yall know that youtube channel AreTheyGay? i want to be that but AreTheyTrans #the videos would just b like... jeff community. neo the matrix. bill and ted bill and ted. audrey little shop of horrors. jo little women.#maybe i should start that youtube channel sjdfklsj #thank you for prompting me to talk about this because i think about it twice a day #i might end up reblogging this and just adding different responses jeff has had to casually homophobic/transphobic things that happen #in the show #like the episode that last photo is from when the dean is like #'spring transfer student dance isn't rolling off the tongue so we're calling it The Tr@nny Dance!' 'much more greendale.'#OH AND ACCIDENTALLY KILLING PIERCE'S DAD!!! HOW DID I NOT MENTION THAT EARLIER SJFKLSJ #'you LITERALLY killed a father!' 'well not MINE dummy!!'#alright i need to do my homework now ajfklsdjfl

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xomby · 3 years ago

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I am going to be predictable and ask you 003 for Yates, but also, just to spice things up - 003 for Jo as well <3

OK EHEHEHEE be prepared this might be super long.

yates-

how i feel about this character- yates is my everything. he’s so funny and so sad and so relatable i genuinely can’t put into words how much i care about him. i project onto him really hard he’s legitimately just ogh. oughg

romantic ships- really just benton tbh, i think they really have a great dynamic that’s a perfect mix of genuinely healthy and hilarious banter, earnest care for one another, and gut wrenching angst. one of my fav things about them is how much they say without actually saying anything. right from the get go (honestly forget which episode it’s in but one of yates’ first) he’s missing and unit doesn’t know where he is, and benton asks the brig and there’s such deep worry in his voice and eyes idk. i was sold from that point on. there’s many other moments i could talk about but yeah they’re so fucking good and a really interesting show of two characters who clearly care about each other but are not able to adequately express it in their work setting imo. also i have a theory that the tom yates is dating in PROSE happy endings is tommy from planet of the spiders just cause it seems like the truth to me and they’re ok but not like benton/yates.

fav nonromantic relationship- YATES AND JO. you know this. i’m so insane about them they have such a close loving friendship it’s so cute. they’re almost dating but he’s gay so they’re not dating it’s really real. they care about each other so much i’m obsessed with them. also such a small moment but when jo checks the time on yates’ wristwatch in the dæmons. it’s so cute they function as 1 entity sometimes

unpopular opinion- i don’t know if enough people care about yates for there to be popular/unpopular opinions about him tbh. that being said maybe that i absolutely see where he’s coming from with the operation golden age thing. like being not-fully-recovered from violently painful and traumatic brainwashing and being approached by a group claiming to be trying to save the environment, anyone would do what he did imo. also the fact that he was fully prepared to die, maybe even expecting it, maybe even wanting it, makes it really hard for me to understand how people see him as a heartless villain in that scenario. like nah bruh

something i wish had happened in canon- i guess maybe just more content. even when he played a major role in stories, he didn’t get much screentime, and his struggles were very infrequently focused on. i would have liked to see a bit more care put into the depth of his character (in an overt sense, cause it’s definitely there in subtext/implications/throwaway lines)

crossover ship- tbh i don’t do crossover ships, i just don’t get it

jo-

how i feel about this character- MY FUCKING GIRL. jo. jo. god. she’s genuinely my everything, and my second fav doctor who character closely after yates. it takes another kind of likability for an entire episode to basically come down to jo being such a loving and selfless person that her pure kindness destroys the sci-fi equivalent of the devil. she’s just so fucking good. also it’s hilarious how dumb she is but it still doesn’t dictate her character. yes she’s stupid, but that’s a trait that’s sometimes good, sometimes bad. she has other traits and skills that balance it out. she’s pretty much the world to me.

romantic ships- ok they never met but i’ve always loved the idea of jo and liz. i think their personalities really balance out perfectly, and they’d have a hilarious and adorable dynamic- jo being very forward and openly sweet and liz sort of being out of touch and closed off, trying not to let her feelings show. i also kind of like cliff and jo. i hated it initially cause her exit is so… 😕 like it is in character for her to marry a guy she just met but idk how i feel about her dropping everything and leaving all her friends for his scientific endeavors, it seems out of character. however, i think they’re funny together and i love the idea that everyone at unit hates cliff.

fav nonromantic relationships- YATES AND JO AGAIN!!!! but since i already talked about it it’s also worth mentioning jo and benton, who are just fucking adorable friends (especially in the three doctors, hugging and holding hands when they’re nervous, it’s so cute and silly). also jo and the doctor are the father daughter dynamic of a lifetime and the scene in time monster when they’re in jail and he tells her the story of how he started seeing the world in color has made me cry before.

unpopular opinion- again idk how many opinions i know. i think a popular hc is that she’s a lesbian which is so unreal to me she’s the most bisexual character of all time. BUT that’s a very little one that i don’t really have that strong feelings about. i guess people often think she’s sort of a typical damsel-type companion which is so far from true, she’s such a whole character with such a fleshed out personality with strengths, weaknesses, interests, and feelings. i will never understand the argument that jo is a weak character.

something i wish had happened in canon- honestly i thought she was a really well done character with great relationships with everyone she interacted with. i genuinely think the only thing that could really improve the viewing experience when it comes to jo is a couple more seasons tbh, although i completely get and respect manning not wanting to do the show anymore after delgado passed away

crossover ship- again. maybe i’m missing something but i don’t really get it

#IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I FUCKING LOVE THEM SM #god the brainrot #doctor who #ask #mike yates #jo grant

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dcbnam-aep · 3 years ago

Text

Star Trek Picard 206 thoughts

watching agnes be re-assimilated-ish in the episode recap was owch

ohh we gonna get a future-past back in time 2 hours sorta thing??

34 mins lol I was close I guess??

RIOS IN A SUIT I REPEAT RIOS IN A SUIT

‘I’m 100% sure he doesn’t miss u/

agnes’ little smile i love

shuffling the chair forward pls

DONT GIVE THE BORG CONTROL

‘urgh no sorry not for u’

AGNES AND BORG QUEEN TAKING HANDS I FEEL THE SHIP EDITS COMING KSJDJJF

*opening credits*

Raffi and Seven both look so gorgeous omg 🌈🥰

hot ghost alert

‘new friend’

‘not sharing u are a house guest’ lol

‘wasnt fun at all- not the intercourse but-‘ *shakes head in frustration* *also realise borg queen knows exactly what she’s thinking* *no need to explain anything but rlly went and embarrassed herself anyway* :/

Borg Queen agnes bickering/ convos are hella hilarious

agnes’ confused look when the borg queen says she’s in control is worrying

ok is she talking to the borg queen aloud or just in her head tho or things could get weird like obviously it is just in her head but like just saying lol. wait but then theres also the one scene near the start when shes talking to the borg queen but then picard hears through the coms so she turns them off hence later drama etc etc but that means she was talking aloud?!?! idk ill give the writers benefit of the doubt lmao

Raffi calling rios sweetie im here for their bestie vibes

love his big goofy smile but not the dr his heart belongs to agnes

RAFFI SMILING AT SEVEN AWWW 🌈🥰

forehead kiss my loves

not the hallucinations raffi jsjdhfh

i called the therapist Q thing mwahahaha

id give agnes attention

accidentally referring to herself as we

‘are u doing alright’ ‘mhmhmmm’ *is not alright* ‘you can lean on me u know’

RIOS’ EYEBROWS DO A CUTE LITTLE THING WHEN HE WORRIES ABOUT AGNES 💔

omg fuck u borg queen leave her alone

‘im not myself tonight’ *runs away* ahh bestie

rios left looking simultaneously confused and worried and pissed at himself pls-

OK GLAD THIS EP IS GIVING IS THE AGNES CONTENT WE ALL WANT

Picard getting urself targeted by genius dr soong probably wasn’t the best idea

agnes looks like she’s about to cry bestie- she needs a hug. if it was 2024 and i was at that snazzy party thing i would 100% give her a hug. and then probably accidentally get assimilated. but worth it to give agnes the comfort she so desperately needs.

Agnes just wants to do what’s best for the mission

# distractionmodeinitiated

damn bestie can singgg

Rios look what ur missing out on now

‘oh im proud of u agnes’ jsjdjdh

NOT BORG PLANNING TO FULLY STEAL CONTROL

AGNE SKJDHHJDNSHBKD

IDJJDJSNMAKAK

DKAJGSHUSTAYS

ARRRHHHGGGHSVHSBJDND

borg got control btw ^^^

im absolutely terrified but at the same time ready for alison pill to absolutely slay the role of fully assimilated borg queen

therapist picard therapising ancestor picard

not picard quoting his mum so that his ancestor can eventually pass what he told her down the line so picard knows it and can go back in time and say it to her and repeat repeat repeat (that probably makes no sense but hoping u know what i mean)

being forced to go to rios’ new love interest owch

ok so basically agnes will never be able to have a stable relationship because no one will ever understand her like the borg queen but at the same time her relationship with the borg queen is just manipulation and power struggle grrr

no word from agnes 🥲

oohhh fancy mind meld interesting

prediction: Picard’s gonna think she’s larris again and she’ll just go along with it to save him

agnes/ borg queen just walking around ahhh

and they can feel/hear (idk how it works) everyone they (well rlly just the borg queen) want to assimilate

question of the ep- how is agnes going to get control back???

bonus question- how is agnes so amazing like literal loml??

#ok these are getting longer everytime haha #agnes jurati #dr. agnes jurati #borg queen #star trek #star trek picard #picard #jean-luc picard #raffi musiker #raffi x seven #seven of nine

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killing-all-joy · 4 years ago

Text

Dancing at 2 a.m. in our Pajamas...

I was inspired by this prompt by @sanderssides-prompts that I saw two weeks ago. I write really slow, so here it is now. I strayed a bit from the prompt, but I hope y'all like it! It’s really just fluffy Roceit. [Edit: here’s part two!]

(cw: janus is a swear-snake so swearing tw)

Janus rubbed lazily at his eyes. He was beyond irritated—for some reason, his mess of a brain decided it would be a good idea to wake up after only three hours of sleep. It was two in the morning, it was raining outside, and he had a lot to do the following day. His brain was running on very little sleep, but despite the small number of things he was able to consider clearly in his mind, he knew that he would be unable to return to his slumber without a substantial period of leaving his room. He was very well aware that he had to reach a higher state of awakeness than he was at now to be able to go back to sleep. It would never make any sense to him, but he complied because he hated sleep deprivation.

He trudged over to his closet and threw on a yellow sweatshirt over his sleep shirt. Then, clothed in that sweatshirt, a pair of black sweatpants, and fluffy black socks, he sunk out of his room, deciding not to bother with his hat. No one would be in the kitchen anyway, and he had decided with a look in a mirror that his hair, while fluffy as ever, wasn't too horribly messed up from sleep.

He planned on getting a glass of ice water, watching an episode of Avatar: The Last Airbender at a very low volume, pacing the living room a couple of times, and then returning to his room to fall back asleep.

His mind seemed to only get fuzzier; Janus hardly registered his present actions in any shape or form. He walked into the blurred haze that was the mindscape living room, grabbing a cylindrical glass from a cabinet and clumsily sliding on the tiled floor over to the freezer. He opened the door, flinching at how cold the damn thing was for his serpentine physiology. He grabbed three pieces of ice and dropped them into his glass. One fell on the floor at his carelessness so he kicked it under the refrigerator and grabbed another to replace it. He walked over to the sink, and after three incidents of fingers slipping on the metal handle, turned on the water and filled his glass. He hissed and immediately turned off the water when it started to overflow.

He sipped the cold water so it wouldn't spill onto the floor and walked away from the sink, deciding to drink in the living room. He stopped short at the door-less doorway, finally realizing that against his predictions, there was someone awake at this hour and occupying the living room.

Of all people it could be, it was Roman.

Just his luck.

His brain could hardly register just how unlucky that was. Nor could it realize that sinking out would probably be the best thing to do in that situation. Roman, his old enemy, his friend (ish), his crush: hateful, annoying, funny, talented, lovely, handso-

"Hey."

Janus' sleepy thoughts halted. He tried to meet Roman's eyes, but likely failed because he could only make out the vague outline of a face. He tried his best to show acknowledgement, but was too tired to put much effort into it.

"Why are you awake?" Roman asked from where he was sitting on an armchair.

Janus thought about that for a second, his brain refusing to remember at this time. Eyebrows furrowed, he tried his best to retrace his steps. His eyes then fell on the glass in his hand, thoughts calming as they recalled. Janus held up his water glass to indicate that it was dehydration that woke him and then made a noise, trying to ask Roman the same question.

"Ah yes, dehydration: the more vicious demon in the early hours of the morning," Roman said with a strained smile. He then bit his lip, knowing Janus wanted to know his reason for being awake as well. "I, uh, couldn't sleep. Too many exciting thoughts, too little time...the price of being Creativity, y'know?"

Janus did know. Or, at least, he was pretty sure Fully Awake Janus knew. (Fully Awake Janus could not count the number of times he'd got up for a glass of water and ended up finding Remus setting something on fire at some ungodly hour. To Fully Awake Janus, it would follow that Roman would be similar in regards to insomnia.)

Janus made a noise of understanding, shuffling over to the sofa. He clumsily set his glass on the coffee table (the contents almost spilling as he fumbled with its placement) and collapsed onto the cushions.

“Are you sure that you shouldn’t go back to sleep, Boa Conflictor? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were sleepwalking.”

When he figured out what the nickname was saying and why it fitted him, Janus snorted. He shook his head to indicate a negative to Roman’s question. “Need water,” he mumbled, taking a sip from the glass.

“Makes sense,” said Roman, moving from the armchair where he was sitting to the sofa next to Janus. “But you should go back to sleep immediately after.”

Janus shook his head again. “Won’t be able. Tried, first need to stuff.”

Roman chuckled. “’Need to stuff’? We better get you stuffing soon, or else you’ll be speaking a whole new language.”

Janus huffed and rolled his eyes. He never appreciated being teased. He was too tired (and perhaps too in love) to be angry, however.

He continued sipping the glass of water, finishing it quickly with no more commentary from Roman. He set it back down on the coffee table, deciding that he would put it in the sink in the morning when he could walk and think like a normal human being (or, well, side). He pulled his knees to his chest; he always got cold in these early hours.

His plan was thwarted, however, when Roman stood from where he was sitting on Janus’ left, picked up the glass, and headed to the kitchen. Janus made a confused noise before he saw Roman place the glass carefully in the sink. When Roman returned, Janus looked up at him in confusion.

“Didn’t havffe, I could��vve mor’hing.”

“Surprisingly, I understood you there.”

“Thanmkh.”

“You’re welcome.”

Janus buried his head in his knees, wondering what he could do that wouldn’t disturb Roman. He figured the prince would be bothered by him watching TV (and also make a lot of comments on whatever he watched, potentially waking the others), so he pondered over other activities.

He heard music start to play quietly through the room. His head lifted slightly to see Roman set his phone down gently on the coffee table. His bare feet then took two smalls steps to stand in front of Janus, where he offered him a hand.

“You said you ‘need to stuff’ before you go back to sleep,” said Roman, sounding like he was trying to mock him but not fully getting that tone across. If Fully Awake Janus were here, he’d say Roman sounded nervous. “I figured, leading you in a dance could perhaps convince your brain to allow you to sleep. Besides, I could use some physical stimulation.”

Janus looked at Roman’s trembling hand for half a second. He then removed his left arm from where it was clasped around his legs and took Roman’s right hand. As soon as Janus’ hand was in his, Roman brought Janus’ hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Janus blushed furiously at this and was too tired to figure that he should hide such an obvious display of weakness. He let go of his legs and stood up from the sofa. He lost his balance from the position change, but Roman's reflexes were quick and he didn't let him fall more than a few inches. He pulled Janus to his feet and held him securely in his arms. Janus' face flushed an even darker red than it already was and he turned his head away from Roman, casting his gaze to the floor.

"Look at me," Roman murmured lowly.

Janus complied, despite not wanting Roman to see his blushing. He smiled warily at him, anxiety caused by the possibility of Roman seeing the real reason for his flushed cheeks.

"There we go," said Roman, at the same low volume. Janus noted how he wasn't as hyper or dramatic during these early hours, yet still just as passionate (if not more). "Since you need to do stuff in order to properly go back to sleep, I figured I could lead you in a couple of dances. Unless you think that you would collapse of fatigue like Sleeping Beauty...?"

Janus nodded. "Okay."

Roman grinned, tightening one hand's hold on Janus' waist and moving the other hand to hold Janus'. Janus was allowed a couple of seconds to sort himself into a proper dancing stance before Roman started to lead.

"I sh'ld lead."

"You'd walk into every piece of furniture in this room."

Janus made a wounded noise.

"Only because you've shown just how clumsy you are at this time of morning."

Janus huffed. "I'll st'p on foot."

"I can take it," Roman replied with a teasing smile.

Janus rolled his eyes, tightening his grip on Roman's hand and shoulder so he wouldn’t fall.

"Okay, JJ. One, two, three, four," Roman started counting under his breath to help Janus' walnut brain, "...one, two, spin, four, you're wonderful at this, Snakerella..."

---

Janus could feel his brain start to adjust to being awake and a bit of Fully Awake Janus start to have influence in his thoughts. Well, it wasn't exactly "adjust", because it wasn't gradual.

It was just a bit slower than a snap of the fingers.

Nothing was new in his actions, Roman didn't startle them, hell, it was during the middle of a slow song. But without any obvious triggering factor, his brain abruptly shifted into a more awake state of mind. And he realized his situation.

He was dancing...

...in the living room...

...with the love of his life...

...at half-past two in the goddamn morning.

Janus, still a far cry from Fully Awake Janus but with a lot of his mental capacities, couldn't quite remember the exact turn of events that got him here. Things were a bit blurry, events were splotchy, and he could only remember bits and pieces. So, ultimately, how he—while sleepy and filter-less—managed to get Roman "Princey" Fucking Sanders to dance with him was almost a mystery. He did know, however, that the only way Roman could have agreed was if he was extra sleep-deprived too.

"You like this song, Janus?"

He considered saying the truth, that he wasn't listening; or a well-thought-out lie, that he hadn't heard it before but thought it would fit with a playlist he had; or saying that he'd heard it before and liked it very much. But suddenly, Roman pulled him close and to his chest—and he smelled so good and his white sleep shirt was so snuggly and his hair was just inches away and oh so very soft and Janus was in love, so in love and he couldn't help but make a noise of happiness about their current situation instead of answering the question.

"I'm glad you like it."

Janus almost laughed; Roman mistook his noise for one of confirmation, also implying that he thought Janus was still in his state of Properly Out Of It. Janus had an act to keep up if he wanted Roman to continue being so intimate with him, so he decided he would play along—not more than he needed to, of course, but whenever Roman would prompt him to talk, he’d respond how he would if he had just woken up.

More songs went by, their almost-clumsy dancing that they exerted very little energy in doing continuing with it. Roman rarely spoke, but it was comfortable that way, with Roman just holding him as their feet glided across the floor with only the crescent moon as their witness. Janus knew very well that his emotions were senseless and cheesy, especially at this time of the morning in his current situation, but he almost scoffed when he realized that he felt loved—loved by Roman, and loved in a way he had never felt before. It made him feel warm and hopeful, and if he was fully awake, he would probably vomit. Nevertheless, it was a pleasant feeling no matter how much he didn't want to admit it, so he relished in it, soaking up the unfamiliar emotion he figured he would never get again and savoring it as one does with hot chocolate during the coldest winter nights. It was warm and calming, with an underlying hint of melancholy and bittersweetness. Just like how Janus perceived Roman.

Roman and Janus had differences that they were slowly putting behind them in an attempt to advance into a tentative friendship, so it made sense for Janus to think he would never get this again. He was tired, Roman was tired, and he remembered the dashing prince saying something about 'rousing thoughts' so this was probably serving as a release of all the stress that built up in the later hours. Tomorrow, things would be back to normal, but he would never forget.

The song started to slow to a speed that seemed inadvisable to Janus because the song was already quite a slow song in itself, but he couldn't help but acknowledge that the speed was romantic too. Roman's feet stopped taking larger steps and started swaying.

"Sway with me, mi cielo," said Roman in a voice that was practically silent. "This is the last song."

Janus' face burned from the Spanish nickname Roman gave him. Janus didn't know Spanish, but he was able to piece that it might have been a term of endearment. It was late, so it made sense that Roman would slip up like that, especially since he's the romantic side and their current situation was rather intimate. Of course, that assumption could also be Janus' wishful thinking.

"Thank you for dancing with me," muttered Roman, thumb starting to trace circles on Janus' waist. "I needed this outlet too."

From the way Roman phrased it, it seemed that Janus was mistaken in his assumption that he had convinced Roman to dance with him, that it seemed that things happened the other way around. This made Janus' heart flutter.

He hummed, closing his eyes. "M' ple'srre."

Janus peeked one eye open to see Roman's head turn down and smile at him warmly—lovingly, Janus would say, if he didn't know better.

The song started to come to an end. When the last beat played, Roman guided Janus into a small dip. Roman's happy smile as he stared down at Janus was hypnotizing, and Janus knew that he would fight a thousand wars just to see that smile again.

"Let's go to bed, hm? Neither of us wants to be tired in the morning."

Janus nodded. Roman pulled him to his feet and put an arm around his waist. They walked up the staircase together, Janus leaning his head on Roman's shoulder as they walked.

Janus' room was closest, so they paused there as Roman opened the door and led them inside. He kissed Janus hair and slowly removed his arm from Janus' waist.

“Goodnight, Janus,” whispered Roman, pushing a strand of Janus’ hair behind his ear.

Janus kissed Roman’s cheek. “G’nigh.”

He slowly closed the door, smiling to himself. He knew he would come to remember and regret his sleepy clumsiness in the morning, but he would be thankful for it until then.

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @neo-neo-neo @fander-fic-recs

Sorry this took so long to finish. I hope you liked it! [Edit: here’s part two again so you don’t have to scroll all the way back up lol]

#roceit #ts fanfic #janus sanders #roman sanders #romantic roceit #sanders sides fanfiction #prompt #ts janus #ts virgil #swearing tw #kill writes #fic

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anntoldst0ries · 4 years ago

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Lost in Translation

If someone told me a couple of months ago how invested I’d be in OH and the story, I would laugh at them. But here we are, isn’t life full of surprises :)

Apologies for mistakes, if you notice any please feel free to let me know!

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC

Word Count: 2,358

Summary: What happens when it’s just Dr Ramsey and his thoughts?

Warnings: None, just a tiny bit of angst & fluff. A lot of introspection!

~~~~~~~

After what felt like the longest shift ever, Dr Ethan Ramsey finally entered his apartment. He closed the door, leaving the whirlwind of his professional life outside.

A biscuit golden retriever jumped at him with all the might in his paws and the sore muscles of a 37-year old diagnostician almost gave up under the pressure of furry ball of fluff.

“I’m happy to see you too, buddy. But you need to go easy on me today.”

Jenner just stared at him with those big black eyes, licked his hand and went back to solving the most important problem of the day: how to cadge some real food, the one hooomans eat.

Although he was far from contemplating whether dogs have what resembles an intelligence (it was someone else’s specialty) he couldn’t help but think Jenner knows. This constantly salivating, instinct-driven creature somehow understands what it is that Ethan asked him to do and why.

“Great, Ramsey. You are going crazy, may as well admit yourself to the psychiatric ward right now. Dr Keller will be delighted to see you. And all the predators of Edenbrook will finally have a proper fodder - Ethan freaking Ramsey has officially freaked out.”

Having poured himself a decent glass of scotch, he stood in front of a giant window overlooking the bay. The waters were quiet and calm, a total contrast to the fire burning inside him after taking a long sip. There was something soothing in the almost painful feeling. 10 years ago downing a whole glass of neat scotch was way beyond his repertoire. One of the perks of being over 35, he guessed. It was scientifically proven that man’s tastebuds change drastically after reaching certain age. He had to admit, there was at least a grain of truth in this. The gold liquid was no longer just bitter and harsh; it had texture, flavour, a complexity - something he wasn’t able to appreciate before. As a doctor, he also knew that he’s got 20, maybe 25 years of this experience left - until ruthless time and ageing will blend all tastes into one.

The lights of the night danced around the spacious living room, their gold reflections creating an aura of mystery in a dimly-lit apartment. He looked around and his gaze landed on antique vase, a present Naveen brought him from Greece for his 35th birthday. It complemented tasteful interior design, expensive decorations and custom furniture perfectly.

As beautiful as they were, all these things made him feel nothing. It was almost ironic that this unquestionably beautiful property, paid for with his own blood, sweat and tears, he couldn’t possibly care less about. Right now, he could have been in some shithole in Roxbury, sipping cheap beer and it would make no difference whatsoever. Except, it would have saved him a mini fortune, which he was now spending on this goddamn penthouse in Beacon Hill. A place he never ever spent more than 4 hours at a time in.

He smirked at the thought - that’s exactly what Naveen said about his own lake house before saying goodbye to his mentee last year. Back when he thought he was going to die soon. Was it surprising? No, everyone was expecting that Ethan will one day take Naveen’s place as the best diagnostician in the world. He considered this not so much an honour, but rather a tribute to his biggest idol, his friend, his father figure. If he was to ever repay Dr Banerji for everything he’s done for him, there was only one way - he needed to be the best among the best.

They called him the best diagnostician of his generation. Although he resented the title, this label given to him by the mutual admiration society (that he had zero respect for), he was very much aware that he was exceptional at his job. Ethan never thought of this as bragging, because bragging made people vain. He liked to think of it as self-confidence, which, as it grew stronger, made him work for his patients even harder than he ever thought possible. The people whose lives he saved, they had to have confidence in him. They had to believe that he knows what he’s doing. And how could he instil a sense of confidence in them, had he not had it himself?

“You can’t give what you don’t have.” - the sentence kept echoing in his head. Tobias used to say that to him all the time, he lived by these words. It was probably the only relic of their once unbreakable (or so they stupidly thought) bond and also the only thing relating to Tobias that didn’t make him want to gag.

So Ethan accepted his role as a successor of the greatest diagnostician in the country. Because there was a mission and a responsibility behind this fate. Because there was a sense of safety in predictable realms of medicine. Also, because… it felt like kicking Tobias right in the crotch. Although he’d never admit this to anyone, least of all himself, the unwritten competition they were subject to for the past 17 years, helped him keep a laser focus on the tasks in front of him. And every time he was able to wipe the smile off Mass Kenmore’s ‘star’ handsome face, Ethan felt satisfaction.

Becoming the man he was today required a lot of changes. He got rid of all the needs of usual Everyman. First, he swept his feelings under the carpet of indifference and cynicism. Then, he learned how to live among people, but without delving into deep and ‘meaningful’ relationships. This was his bauble and he was perfectly… content with it. That is, until it hadn’t been smashed to pieces because something happened to him.

Someone happened to him.

Oh fuck.

He made a desperate attempt to try and stop the inevitable, but it was too late.

His head was instantly flooded with images, followed by ubiquitous tingles that filled his body. In his mind’s eye, a face shaped instantly, the image so vivid that he was almost blinded by it. It’s as if the person was standing right in front of him. The feeling was as mesmerising as it was painful.

Damn it. She didn’t even have to be here to do things to him. To make him see things. Smell things. Hear things. Feel things.

Ethan and The Feelings. This band rarely played together. Ethan wasn’t really a team player and The Feelings were loud, untameable and too unpredictable for the likes of him. He had to learn to tolerate them, because wherever she went, they followed.

He couldn’t rid of her presence, no matter where he was or what he did. Not that he wanted to - he just couldn’t, for the love of god, comprehend all this. Having been a king of self-control and master of his own life, it was beyond Ethan’s understanding how this woman, almost a decade younger than him, managed to turn him into… well, Jenner. He’d do anything she’d ask him to do. He was an electric ride-on, the one they buy for children. And she was holding the remote.

No, this wasn’t the most fortunate comparison. Because an electric toy was not capable of feeling things. And he was. A lot. More than he ever thought possible and more than he wanted to.

The fear of being misapprehended stopped him from telling her that sometimes he hated what she was doing to him. Not her, he could never hate her. He hated this unexplainable power she had over him and wasn’t even fully aware of. It frightened him. That she clawed his composure back so easily. That her youth, enthusiasm and energy were like a tornado to the illusionary beach he used to inhabit in his head. The force of her personality wreaked havoc on the well-oiled cogs of the machine that was once his life.

It took all the strength he had to stay away, from the day he first saw her. No, that’s not right. From the first time he felt her. Ethan’s mind was definitely against him today, because the images materialised within seconds, before he even managed to fully accept the presence of the thought.

He was sitting in his office, wondering why the hell has he agreed to help Harper with reading pages of blabber from wannabe surgeons and doctors. They were all the same and if he got a cent for every time they got under his skin, he’d be a millionaire. But Harper was an old friend and his ex, he had a lot of respect for her. She’d just been promoted to the Chief of Medicine and although she was more than capable to do the job, he understood that transition from theatre to bureaucracy was scary and challenging for her. It was the least he could do to help and certainly a task way easier than being a shoulder to cry on.

Having gone through pages of “I wanna change the world and find a cure for cancer” he almost fell asleep on his desk. Not that there was something wrong with medical research or a quest for deeper meaning of one’s career - but what he read in those applications sounded like an extract from a beauty pageant. And, frankly, when he looked at some of the photos attached to applications, he couldn’t help but think beauty pageants were a better fit for some of these people than a hospital.

“Christ, are they giving away medical degrees for free these days?” He sighed loudly, sending another handful of pages onto the pile of would-be Grey’s as he called them, because he was more than certain that majority of these people derived their idea of work in hospital from the TV series Grey’s Anatomy. All Ethan knew was that he’s never seen anything more divorced from reality, having watched one episode after all the nurses kept chirping about Dr Derek Shepherd for a whole week.

Fully prepared for yet another disappointment, he turned the front page of next file. Looking at him was a young, beautiful woman with raven hair. Her gaze was daring and gentle at the same time. Even though it was just a photo, he couldn’t shake the feeling that she looked right through him.

Things only got better as he kept going through the next pages. Her application was a riveting read, it was honest, filled with passion and well written, all without being cliche. He saw the most incredible potential, but more importantly, he felt it. She made him feel things, even though he never met her. It was all just pouring from the pages. Ethan would always remember how excited and nervous it made him feel. He almost suffered from a head-on crash with gurney whilst running to Harper’s office, because he had to make sure that she gets the residency position in the hospital. His own feelings played no role here, she simply deserved this position and he knew Dr Emery won’t even question his judgement.

And then he met her.

To be honest, he completely forgot about the interns’ induction, he’s seen so many in his life already that he couldn’t care less. The new case Diagnostics Team took onboard was occupying him completely on that day.

Looking at it now, he couldn’t help but think of one of his favourite movies, Picnic at Hanging Rock. There was this line that he always felt drawn to, but could never fully understand:

“Everything begins and ends at exactly the right time and place“

He was walking down the long corridor, when he heard Danny, one of the nurses, screaming. A minute later Ethan was on his knees, next to a woman in her 50s. He figured out quite quickly what was happening to her, but if his diagnosis was correct, he was going to need some help. Having lifted his gaze, he looked for a familiar face. But there was no one around. That’s when he remembered about the stupid intern induction.

“Damn it, where are the doctors?!” - he asked out loud.

“I’m a doctor!” - responded an unfamiliar voice. Ethan turned around and saw a young woman with black hair in fresh scrubs. He never saw her before and figured she must be one of the new interns.

“You, Rookie. Come here!” - he literally wouldn’t mind if she was an actress playing a doctor, he needed an extra pair of hands. Right here, right now. She kneeled on the patient’s left side, her sight piercing him, waiting for instructions. That’s when it hit him.

It was her.

The fate didn’t spare her - Ethan knew as well as she did that having to deal with Hemothorax on your first day was a tricky business. But she was brilliant. A little nervous, yes, but brilliant.

All she needed was a push. That’s why he picked her to pieces, leaving her confused and probably upset. She will understand one day and she will be grateful.

He said what he had to say and then he just disappeared behind the corridor. He couldn’t be around her more than necessary. Because she made him feel. And this was the last thing he needed right now. Or ever.

What the hell?

Dr Ramsey shook his head and woke up from his daydream. He felt his loyal furry companion licking his hand with a pleading gaze. Suddenly, the weight of the thoughts crushed him like a tidal wave, the feeling so intense that his legs instantly turned into Jell-O, forcing him to sit down. That’s exactly what he was afraid of. The moment he’s had a minute, he immediately gave into thoughts. That’s what she was doing to him. Every part of him wanted to take an extra shift, but common sense and medical knowledge prevailed. He needed 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, otherwise his body would give up soon, making him no use to anyone, especially not all the patients who desperately needed him.

But he was a fool to assume this was going to happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tag list (please let me know if you wish to be removed, I tagged the accounts I follow and truly admire!): @terrm9 @openheart12 @openheartthot @rookie-ramsey @alwaysmychoices @brooks-eden @drethanramslay @starrystarrytrouble @justanotherrookie @caseyvalentineramsey @incorrectopenheart @heauxplesslydevoted @perriewinklenerdie

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #edenbrook #pixelberry #open heart choices #play choices #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart fanfiction #open heart fic #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

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okay.

i realize this might be a kind of a weird thing for me to devote time to when i’m one episode from the end but honestly? i just have to. i have to. i have a longer piece of meta in this vein that i’ll deal with some other time when i’m less focused on the end of season 5, but given the content of the last couple episodes i just - cannot restrain myself. the stunning level of deliberate, unnecessary cruelty i witnessed in that one moment yesterday (guess i was WRONG omg i STILL can’t believe i heard that with my own two ears...i probably have the lowest expectations of arthur pendragon out of anybody in this fandom but even i was shocked) - it tipped me right over the edge. it threw me for an entire loop.

so, what i have to do right now is take a second to acknowledge the one character who a) predicted this bullshit a long time ago, and b) could have been relied upon to react to it appropriately, that is to say by punching arthur pendragon in the mouth.

fig. A: my Son, ‘I Would Sell Arthur Pendragon to Satan for One Corn Chip’

i love him.

i know we only saw him once. i don’t care. he’s the only non-villain across five entire seasons of this show who ever told arthur pendragon to get fucked, and that makes him an absolute hero.

this kid snuck up on me and became my most beloved minor character. when i first met him, i liked him a normal amount, but i wasn’t as deeply invested in him as i am now. it wasn’t until i got a little further along in the show and started to see how truly painful merlin’s situation becomes without a friend who knows him that i started thinking about him again, and realized how much i actually appreciated him.

so. will.

will occupies a...fairly unique position in merlin’s circle. all of merlin’s other friends eventually become knights, or become queen, and they all hop aboard the arthur pendragon train as they get deeper entwined in camelot’s renaissance. even gwaine, who is a little iffy about arthur in the very beginning, becomes as loyal a knight as camelot has ever seen, and he’s just as invested in camelot’s flourishing as anyone. and i don’t say this to throw shade at him, or at lancelot, or anybody; those two in particular have absolutely always been true friends to merlin, regardless of the vows they took to camelot. but there is just something to be said for like - merlin does not have a single person in his life right now who cares about him without also being beholden to arthur. gwen and gaius and all of the knights are sworn to serve and protect the king. they are all fully aboard the arthur pendragon train, and on board with merlin’s mission to aid arthur and keep him safe. gwen, gwaine, gaius, lancelot - even merlin’s own mother is on that train, when she tells merlin he has to go back to camelot at the end of 1.10, saying “you belong at arthur’s side. i’ve seen how much he needs you.”

these people would not argue with merlin over the merits of sacrificing things for arthur, because they, too, would do anything for their king. they wouldn’t necessarily challenge merlin on statements like “his life is worth a hundred of mine,” because they understand what merlin means. they’re on that same page.

and that’s nice and all, but given recent events (and forthcoming events, i suspect) i suppose i just am feeling. a little tired of that.

i’m tired of the arthur pendragon train. i want to get off. i want MERLIN to get off. and the only other person in the world who ever believed that merlin deserved to get off the arthur pendragon train was will.

all the most recent episodes i’m watching are highlighting for me once again how little merlin settles for in his life. he can’t be known. he can’t be seen. he can’t be accepted. he can’t be listened to. he can’t be believed. he can’t be respected. he can’t be safe. he can’t be loved. he can’t say ‘i am sorry that i can’t go with you to this place’ (for the first time in HOW many years?) without receiving a deliberately nasty, cutting slap across the face.

and we try to rationalize this away; we try to look at the good parts (and yes, there are good parts, of course there are good parts; of course arthur and merlin care about each other) but the ultimate truth is that arthur isn’t merlin’s real friend, not yet. he thinks he is. but he isn’t. a real friend isn’t someone who might kill you if they knew who you were. a real friend isn’t someone who makes you feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not.

you cannot be loved if you aren’t safe.

the only person who ever acknowledges this dynamic is will. will sees the parts of arthur that merlin tries not to look at, and will loves merlin enough to say ‘this situation you are in is messed up.’ he’s the only one, across five seasons of this show, who ever comes right out and says that merlin is fooling himself when it comes to this ‘friendship.’ merlin might have other people who care about him, later, but all of them are as wrapped up in arthur’s well-being as merlin is. they don’t tell merlin he deserves better. they don’t tell merlin ‘this is shitty. this is a shitty situation you’re settling for. you deserve more than this.’

five seasons, and will is the only person who ever says this. merlin’s own mother won’t tell him this.

i’ve been thinking about will kind of a lot as i watch these episodes.

i think...i think will would lose his mind if he could see merlin at the end of this show. at ANY point in this show, practically. he would be so devastatingly angry. if he ever heard “his life is worth a hundred of mine” come out of merlin’s mouth - i mean. he’d kill somebody. he'd thump merlin upside the head and then go kill somebody.

will was only ever in this for merlin. he didn’t save arthur’s life because he’d started to like the guy; he did it because that’s just who he is. he saw someone about to get shot and his first instinct was to get in the way. he’s not riding the arthur pendragon train, and he’s certainly not riding the camelot train, but he still makes sure merlin can go safely back to the citadel, because for some unfathomable reason, merlin seems to feel that it’s important.

because - and this is so important here - will doesn’t even know anything about merlin’s ‘destiny.’ they didn’t have time to talk about dragons or destinies or any of that. all will knows is that it’s important to merlin, for whatever reason, and that’s enough to make it important to will. even though he doesn’t understand it. even though he doesn’t agree with it. even though he personally thinks arthur’s a loser. he does what he does so that merlin can have what he wants, so that merlin can be safe and happy in the city of his choice.

SAFE and HAPPY. and merlin isn’t either of those things. merlin has never been less safe than he is now. and merlin hasn’t been happy for a very long time.

will would be rolling over in his grave if he could see merlin now. he would have fought against the sort of...slow self-immolation we see merlin surrendering himself to here every step of the way. will told a prince to fuck off in front of the entire population of ealdor; he wouldn’t have any qualms about telling ‘destiny’ to get stuffed, either. and i find myself missing that single-minded devotion, that uncompromising affirmation of merlin’s intrinsic worth, as opposed to merlin’s importance as a prophesied figure out of myth, as the skies darken over merlin’s head and i see him getting ready to (i think) do something that would send will into an absolute rage.

none of merlin’s friends or family have ever wanted him to suffer, but will was the only one who saw where this was going, a long, long time ago. he knew from the beginning that it wasn’t right. and like...people can complain about him refusing to jump on board the arthur+merlin ship all they want, but the reason he doesn’t get on that boat is because he’s always been captain and sole passenger of the HMS Merlin, and he is the only one who has ever understood that these two boats, with the way the world works right now, just can’t sail together. so much would have to change first.

so like...i miss this kid. i really do. and i think merlin misses him, too, but not in a way that he can afford to let himself think about. how can a person in merlin’s position afford to remember someone who always thought that merlin’s happiness and safety were more important than anything, when merlin has, by necessity, spent all these years forcing himself to finally accept that his own happiness and safety will always have to be his last priority? how can he handle being reminded of a time when someone unconditionally believed that merlin deserved to live in this world and be happy, not because of what merlin could do or what great purpose he would serve, but simply because he is. just because he exists. because he’s enough as he is. he matters just as he is. he deserves to be safe and happy just because he is, not because of what he can do for his majesty the prince.

i don’t think someone in merlin’s position can afford to think like that, especially now. i think it’s like - when you’re overwhelmed or stressed or upset and you’re holding it together but then somebody does one simple nice thing for you or gives you a hug and that’s when you lose it and start bawling - it feels like that. i don’t think merlin could handle being gentled in that way. i think it would be similar to when gwaine tells him “not arthur” - that inability to conceive of somebody who only cares about him, who puts him first. i think if merlin allowed himself to remember that there was in fact a time in his life when he was someone’s first priority, if he remembered what that felt like - he would crack right down the middle.

i think if someone were to really remind him of what he deserves from this life, to remind him of what he used to hope he would one day have, he would never be able to do what he thinks he needs to do.

anyway.

the point of all this is just that as i enter the very end of this show and see merlin still - still - being deliberately gutted by someone who is supposed to love him, someone for whom merlin has been totally willing to give up his life a hundred times over, despite never being recognized and never being accepted and never being free - it is making me appreciate even more keenly the very few people in merlin’s life who chose not to treat him that way. the very, very few people who knew him and loved him just the way he was. and in particular it makes me appreciate will, who never had eyes for anybody but merlin, and who, uniquely among merlin’s friends, could not care less about arthur pendragon if you paid him.

after the last episode, i’m just really feeling his energy.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #meta #anyway i love this boy #more and more every day #esp. now that i've become suspicious that he and lancelot might end up being the only ones whose honest friendship merlin ever gets to enjoy #i used to think (back when i first started this show and assumed it would someday have a happy ending)#that people like will were the 'first' people who gave merlin the gift of honest friendship #and that eventually things would change and everyone would find out and merlin would be able to live openly #now i am starting to worry that they may not be 'first'#i am starting to worry that they might in fact be 'only'#the only ones #in twenty-something years #not that i'm saying no one will ever know #but i'm not sure merlin will be able to benefit from it if you know what i mean #it would be nice to be wrong #because this would be criminal #but whether i'm wrong or not #the one thing you can be sure of is that i will never stop singing these people's praises #they've earned it #they've earned it in a way that arthur pendragon hasn't #they've given merlin something arthur pendragon never could #and to be 100% honest they've treated merlin better than arthur pendragon ever did #their absence is felt - severely - in how merlin's life starts disintegrating once lancelot dies and all of them are gone #merlin has been alone for a long long time #i hate to think he's going to die or be otherwise taken out of the game before that changes #but i suppose i'll just have to see #either way i'm gonna be channeling will's energy of 'i am here for merlin and the rest of you can go jump in a lake'#(ACTUALLY UHHHH poor choice of words omg; they really might lol)#GUESS WE'LL SEE ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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salvatoreschool · 4 years ago

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Vampire Diaries Universe: The 25 Best Characters, Ranked

For the first time since 2009, we’re entering a fall season devoid of any new offerings from the Vampire Diaries universe. And like Stefan Salvatore without his daily diet of forest friends, we’re insatiable.

Like so many longtime TVD enthusiasts (those of us to whom the word “thesmatos” really means something!), we’ve spent much of quarantine revisiting the weird, wonderful universe — from Mystic Falls to New Orleans and back again. We’re suddenly spending a lot of time with characters we haven’t seen in years. And we’re having a lot of feelings about them.

In celebration of the franchise’s 11th anniversary, TVLine has assembled another totally non-controversial ranking, this time of the 25 best characters from the Vampire Diaries universe — a category that also includes familiar faces from The Originals and Legacies. (In Legacies‘ defense, the franchise’s latest offshoot hasn’t been around as long to endear itself to us, but that didn’t stop four Salvatore School students from making their way onto our list.)

In lieu of new content from the TVD universe this fall, TVLine is looking back at our 25 favorite characters from the entire franchise, including stand-out favorites from its two spinoffs.

SPOILER ALERT: This ranking discusses major plot points from all three shows. If you haven’t finished The Vampire Diaries (Season 1-8), The Originals (Season 1-5) or Legacies (Season 1-2), proceed at your own risk. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

25. VINCENT GRIFFITH

Thanks to the magic of body swapping, the Mikaelson siblings have inhabited multiple physical vessels throughout the years, but none have remained in the family’s orbit quite like this Southern gentleman. Powerful, thoughtful and downright Shakespearean in his delivery (Yusuf Gatewood, ladies and gentlemen!), Vincent always has the greater good in mind. And as we learned in The Originals’ series finale, he helped Freya and Keelan pass that good along to the next generation.

24. LANDON KIRBY

Even though we’re still getting to know him, there’s already so much to like about this pure-hearted Mystic Falls townie. Not only is he the franchise’s first-ever phoenix, but he also looks like he could pass for Damon and Elena’s offspring — and that’s never a bad thing. We could tell he had a long future in this universe the moment he danced with Hope in The Originals’ final season. (So far, so good!)

23. JENNA SOMMERS

Like so many paved paradises, we didn’t fully appreciate what we had with Jenna until she was gone. Her death marked the end of Elena’s innocence — which is saying a lot, considering she was still mourning her own parents when The Vampire Diaries began. And if we’re being honest, Jenna was the ghost we were most excited to see again in the series finale. (For the record, Joseph Morgan has apologized on Klaus’ behalf for killing Jenna several times.)

22. TYLER LOCKWOOD

The First Son of Mystic Falls was kind of a jerk when we met him in The Vampire Diaries‘ first season. He was arrogant, aggressive and reckless — so it actually made perfect sense when he was revealed to be a werewolf. Fortunately, Michael Trevino’s character developed a little more nuance from that point on, especially via his Romeo and Juliet romance with Caroline. (After everything that’s happened since 2013, can you believe that they were once in a love triangle with Klaus?)

21. JEREMY GILBERT

Elena’s little brother (er, cousin?) went through a number of different, wonderful phases during his tenure in Mystic Falls. We loved him in The Vampire Diaries’ earlier seasons as the human embodiment of all things emo (he literally dated a ghost!), and we… um… appreciated his unexpected evolution into a shirt-ripping, wood-chopping vampire hunter.

20. CAMILLE ‘CAMI’ O’CONNELL

The Clarice Starling to Klaus’ Hannibal Lecter, this brave bartender was able to tap into the show’s darkest, most complicated character’s psyche in ways that no one named Mikaelson (or even Forbes) ever could. She helped him conquer a number of his demons in the few short years they spent together on The Originals, and like most people who play a significant role in Klaus’ life, she suffered the consequences. (Side note: Are we the only ones who really dug Cami as a vampire? Justice for that short-lived story arc.)

19. SHERIFF ELIZABETH FORBES

Of The Vampire Diaries’ many maternal figures, none put us through the emotional ringer quite like Caroline’s mother. We weren’t her biggest fans in the show’s early seasons, given her penchant for hunting the undead (including her own daughter), but hey, what was this show if not an endless series of redemption arcs? Also, if you don’t get a little choked up when Caroline felt her mom’s presence in the series finale, you don’t have a soul.

18. FREYA MIKAELSON

The long-lost fifth Mikaelson sibling was a little rough around the edges when we first encountered her on The Originals, but the poor woman was in the midst of escaping a centuries-long imprisonment, so we cut her a little slack. And we’re glad we did, because Freya has since become one of the strongest, most inspiring and all-around likable characters in the Vampire Diaries canon. #FreelinForever

17. MARCEL GERARD

While it’s easy to get swept up in Marcel’s charm and swagger (we were robbed of a second karaoke number, by the way!), it’s important to remember just how far back his time with the Mikaelson family goes. When you consider that Klaus literally freed Marcel from slavery and raised him to lead New Orleans as his right-hand vampire, it adds a whole other layer of tension to their passionate power struggle on The Originals. Though he’s treated like an unofficial Mikaelson sibling, Marcel often feels like more of a Mikaelson than Kol — and definitely more than Finn.

16. REBEKAH MIKAELSON

Arguably the funniest (and most glamorous) member of the Mikaelson family, the woman Damon once referred to as “Barbie Klaus” never fai to tell it exactly like it was, beginning with her thoughts on then-lovebirds Stefan and Elena. (“Honestly, I don’t get you two as a couple.”) And Bex only became more complex as the years went on, from her desperate desire for humanity to her undeniable love for Marcel. Just don’t call her insane — she prefers “spontaneous.”

15. ALARIC SALTZMAN

In hindsight, Alaric’s journey from hot history teacher to hot headmaster of a supernatural school makes perfect sense. Still, it was impossible to predict back in The Vampire Diaries’ first season just how much of an impact the man formerly known as Warner Huntington III would have on this franchise. A drinking buddy to some, a father figure to others and a literal father to a lucky pair, Alaric has truly woven himself into the fabric of this universe like few others. (That said, we still wouldn’t recommend dating him if you value your life.)

14. SHERIFF MATT DONOVAN

Only one full-blooded human survived all eight seasons of The Vampire Diaries, and you’re looking at him. The pinnacle of mortal goodness, this blue-eyed patriot hasn’t always been on the same page as his vampire brethren, but that’s only because he didn’t want to see any more his friends and family get eaten. And we can sympathize with that!

12-13. LIZZIE AND JOSIE SALTZMAN

Asking us to choose between Jo (by way of Caroline) and Alaric’s daughters is an impossible task, which is ironic, considering the Gemini twins are literally destined for a fight to the death on their 22nd birthday. Besides, these sisters have always felt like a package deal, from the moment we witnessed their birth on The Vampire Diaries to the day we reunited with them as teenagers on Legacies. (They also popped up in The Originals’ penultimate episode, putting them in the prestigious category of characters who have appeared in all three series.) Despite their inherent connection, Lizzie and Josie really have grown into two very different people, a journey we hope will continue for years (and shows) to come.

11. MALACHAI ‘KAI’ PARKER

The fact that this remorseless, pork rind-loving psychopath ranks so high on our list speaks volumes about actor Chris Wood, who brought a refreshingly sassy vibe to The Vampire Diaries’ sixth season. The guy was so likable, fans were even ‘shipping him with Bonnie… as if that poor girl hadn’t been through enough already! You also have to give Kai points for longevity — even after his head got knocked off, he managed to make two encore appearances on TVD (Season 8) and Legacies (Season 2).

10. HOPE MIKAELSON

As we mentioned with Lizzie and Josie earlier, we feel like we’ve watched Hope grow up before our eyes… because we have. Given the epic circumstances surrounding her conception, birth and upbringing, an adult version of this character had a lot of hype to live up to, and Danielle Rose Russell has proven herself more than up to the challenge. Imbued with her parents’ best qualities, Hope’s power and passion make her both a formidable foe and an invaluable ally. Besides, Legacies showed us what the world would be like without Hope, and it was not a good place.

9. HAYLEY MARSHALL

We can’t even think about this fierce, fearless mama wolf without shedding a single tear. Hayley’s story was basically one long tragedy, from her complicated marriage with Jackson to her tumultuous relationship with Elijah. And then there was her untimely demise in The Originals’ final season, which… actually, let’s not talk about that. From the moment she gave birth, Hayley’s heart belonged to Hope, and it was in her most extreme maternal moments that Hayley’s true strength was on display. That’s how we’ll remember her.

8. ELIJAH MIKAELSON

Suits? Pressed. Hair? Immaculate. Vocabulary? Thicc. With his smooth moves and cunning intellect, Klaus’ extremely respectful brother could do it all — well, except keep the people he loved from meeting horrific ends. (Seriously, this guy’s track record for dead lovers is right up there with Alaric’s.)

7. BONNIE BENNETT

Simply put, this is the witch you want in your corner when things go south. Endlessly powerful and selfless to a fault, Kat Graham’s character spent eight agonizing seasons sacrificing herself — often literally, hence her multiple deaths — in order to keep her friends and family safe. No amount of bloody noses or dead boyfriends could stop this badass from crushing her enemies.

6. CAROLINE FORBES

Getting smothered to death was honestly the best thing that could have happened to Caroline, who evolved from a basic, boy-crazy cheerleader into a bad-ass vampire overnight. And that was just the first phase of her franchise-long evolution into the empowered, globe-trotting mother of two she is today. She’s also responsible for all of The Vampire Diaries’ memorable musical moments, from her sweet song for Matt to her devastating performance at Sheriff Forbes’ funeral. (Now if only she’d pay her old pals at Legacies a visit…)

5. ELENA SALVATORE

She may not have Katherine’s chaotic flare, but Elena deserves credit for carrying much of The Vampire Diaries’ dramatic and romantic weight for six years. And for that pink hair she experimented with in Season 4. On top of that, Elena also rolled with the punches better than almost anyone. (You’re vampires? I’m a doppelgänger? Now I’m a vampire? Now I’m human again? Now I’m in a coma? Sure, let’s do this.)

3-4. DAMON AND STEFAN SALVATORE

Two sides of the same brooding coin, these brothers were as proficient at breaking hearts as they were at breaking necks. And while their love triangle with Elena will remain the stuff of TV legend, their relationship as brothers was revealed to be the real heart of The Vampire Diaries in its final two seasons. Honestly, it’s too hard to choose between them, so we’re not going to.

2. KATHERINE PIERCE

Come on, when were you not excited to see this leather-clad lunatic on your screen? Deliciously twisted and infinitely more interesting than her human doppelgänger, Katherine was behind many of The Vampire Diaries’ most jaw-dropping twists, from her iconic encounter with John(’s bloody fingers) to her long-awaited return in the series finale. Honestly, putting Katherine on hell’s throne in Season 8 was merely a formality — she was always a queen.

1. KLAUS MIKAELSON

The man, the myth, the legend. To think that the monster who slaughtered poor, defenseless Aunt Jenna on The Vampire Diaries is the same person who gave it all up to save his daughter on The Originals… well, there isn’t a clap slow enough to commend that kind of growth. (Again, Joseph Morgan is very sorry about the whole Jenna thing!) By the time Klaus evaporated on the streets of New Orleans, it felt like we had explored every conceivable nook and cranny of his existence, from his traumatic childhood to his fatal romances — and we relished every second of it.

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snkpolls · 4 years ago

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SnK Episode 68 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)

The poll closed with 59 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.

Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.

RATE THE EPISODE 53 Responses

The response was overwhelmingly positive with 88.7% of responses giving the episode a 4 or a 5. In addition, there weren’t any 1s or 2s this time around. A noted contrast to the previous episode. Suppose Sasha’s death ruined the experience for some.

it epic

I NEED MORE

awesome

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 55 Responses

The scene with the largest amount of reception (18.2%) was the final scene of the episode, where Eren repeats his mantra to himself in the mirror while revealing his new look. Behind that was the reveal that Armin is talking to Annie (10.9%). At a tie (9.1%), people most enjoyed Hange’s eccentric greeting to the Marleyan soldiers and Onyankopon explaining why he believes people are different. At another tie (7.3%), were the scenes where Sasha is enjoying Nicolo’s cooking, and the scene where Eren is washing himself at the sink.

WHAT WAS THE MOST EMOTIONAL PART OF THE VISIT TO SASHA’S GRAVE? 57 Responses

The visit to Sasha’s grave was packed with many tragic moments. According to the responders, the most emotional of those was Connie’s line about losing “his half” (47.4%). Following that we have the scene of grieving Mikasa with 24.6%. In third place is Nicolo’s general grief. Other responses were, in this order, Sasha’s Father agreeing to a free meal from Nicolo, seeing the girl that Sasha saved from a Titan all those years ago and simply Sasha’s family appearing.

AFTER SEVERAL TENSE AND ACTION PACKED EPISODES, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE TRANSITION TO SOMETHING MORE CALM? 53 Responses

Ever since the series started, AoT has had a clear contrast between the content of its episodes. Episode 68 of the series notably contrasts with the prior 3-4 episodes. So we wanted to know how the fans respond to these sorts of things. 32.1% stated that they enjoyed the slower paced episode after weeks of chaos. An equal number of responders (32.1%) noted that although they far preferred the action-based content, they understood the need for the slower episodes. A little over 13% said they actually preferred the exposition-esque content, so they were happy with the change and finally, a bit over 11% stated that they were indifferent.

I view exposition equally as important as action.

Watching the show dissect what happened before and after the attack on Marley made everything so clear, I love how they were able to capture the drama of both sequences

I'm definetly here more dialogue heavy epiodes and flashbacks but maybe with a slower pacing. It felt a little messy because the episode was also dealing with Sasha's as well as backstory. I think thst was probably intentional though.

They both have their merits.

Still feels great

WOULD YOU RATHER GET A SURPRISE GREETING FROM EREN & HANGE, OR ARMIN & LEVI? 55 Responses

Marleyan Soldiers got two sets of surprises in this episode. One from Eren and Hange, one from Armin and Levi. The fans would clearly prefer to get one of those from Eren and Hange (78.2%) than Armin and Lavi (21.8%).

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU TO BE BACK ON PARADIS? 55 Responses

We recently returned to Paradis Island and according to the responders, it was a much wanted development, with 85.4% giving a 4 or a 5 when it comes to hype about the return to the island.

ARMIN SAYS THAT ONCE EREN INFILTRATED MARLEY, THERE WAS NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO ATTACK IN ORDER TO PREVENT IMMEDIATE RETALIATION. DO YOU AGREE WITH HIM? 55 Responses

The raid on Liberio is being questioned not only by the audiences, but also by the characters in-universe. Still, when it comes to Armin’s justification for the attack, the majority (69.1%) think that there was no other choice for Paradis, be it because they could afford to lose Eren/Founding Titan or because Marley would have retaliated easily. Others (~10%) think that they either should have made more effort to find Eren before it came to the raid or should have just let him go. 14.5% simply aren’t sure.

They had no choice but to retrieve Eren, but that doesn't necessarily mean a full blown attack. I think Armin is trying to convince himself here.

Yes. Marley could have captured Eren and had Zeke or someone else eat him for the founding powers.

DO YOU THINK IT’S PLAUSIBLE THAT MARLEY WILL FIND A WAY TO QUICKLY COUNTERATTACK ANYWAY? 53 Responses

When it comes to Marley, one could wonder if they will attempt a quick counterattack. 67.9% believe so, 15.1% dissent. And 9.4% state that they have been spoiled. For the write-in responder who feels that we are spoiling via the question itself, we assure you that anything we ask here had once been a matter of debate among manga readers when the corresponding chapters were fresh and we did not know the outcome. We would just like to give anime only watchers the same opportunity to have these debates.

I don't know.

The fleet has been destroyed, but what about the airforce (if they have one)? I doubt Paradis has the mean to counter that.

I'm not really sure honestly

This question is a spoiler itself: if you ask this, maybe it means that's what will happen. Thank you.

WHEN EREN FIRES HIS GUN AT THE END OF EMA’S TALK, IT TRANSITIONS TO SASHA TAKING A BULLET IN THE PREVIOUS EPISODE. DO YOU FEEL THAT THE NARRATIVE IS TRYING TO PIN THE BLAME SOLELY ON EREN? 55 Responses

Eren’s rifle shot was juxtaposed with Sasha’s death, showcasing a possible thread in the narrative. Does the narrative believe that Eren is to blame for Sasha’s death? 38.2% think it’s a yes and 45.5% think it’s a possibility. On the other hand, almost 11% don’t think the story is trying to go for that route.

While I don’t think it’s trying to pin the blame solely on Eren. I think it’s trying to say he shares a large portion of the blame.

He may be partly at fault, but not fully.

Yes. But they shouldn't. Because it was GabBitch who killed Sasha, and GabBitch alone.

DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ZEKE, YELENA AND THE VOLUNTEERS ARE SINCERE IN THEIR WISH TO HELP PARADIS? 55 Responses

Zeke, Yelena and Co. are a set of characters. Are they a trustworthy set of characters? Certainly up to debate. 67.8% believe they’re trustworthy to a degree, at the very least. In contrast to 23.6% who find no trust in them. A select few have been spoiled.

Mmm Yelena & co. maybe...I love Zeke but he's big sus this season

I think they are loyal to Zeke, and his goal is to get the funding titan. At the moment, this means allying themselves with Paradis, but that could easily change.

They are very sus, Yelena is especially loose. IDK who they'll be loyal too.

DO YOU THINK THAT EREN WANTS TO USE THE WALL TITANS AS A SIMPLE DETERRENT, OR DOES HE WANT TO FLATTEN THE EARTH? 55 Responses

The possibility of a Rumbling has been brought up more than a few times throughout the series (mostly this season) and the question remains, “will Eren use the Rumbling to flatten the Earth?” 60% think that’ll be the case, in contrast to almost 11% who dissent. 27.3% were already spoiled about the outcome.

That idiot definetly wants to flatten the earth. Empathy and logic has never been Erens strong suit.

DO YOU THINK THAT EMA HAVE BECOME MORE DISTANT FROM EACH OTHER? 55 Responses

The iconic EMA trio has been together through thick and thin, so something truly must happen for them to “break up”, so to say. Would one say that they have grown apart? 56.4% think so, but only insofar as Eren goes. 25.5% believe that they all have grown apart to a degree. 9.1% dissent to these assertions and a select few have been spoiled.

Even Mikasa and Armin seem distant! They were coping on their own after coming back to Paradis.

I like to refer to them as E MA. lol. Yehhhh anyway- somethings defs off with them.

ARMIN SAID HE DIDN’T SEE ANY NOTEWORTHY MEMORIES FROM BERTOLT WHEN EREN ASKED HIM ABOUT IT. DO YOU THINK HE’S BEING TRUTHFUL? 55 Responses

A whole bunch of people doubt Armin’s statement about not seeing anything useful in Bertolt’s memories (81.8%), though some (14.5%) think the boy’s telling the truth. A select few have been spoiled.

DO YOU THINK MIKASA IS LOSING HOPE IN THE WORDS THAT ONCE GAVE HER STRENGTH? 56 Responses

Long ago, Mikasa stated that one must fight, survive and win. If they don’t fight, they won’t survive and will lose. But with some losses drumming up on the plate, could she start doubting this mantra? 46.4% believe that we cannot say one way or another until we see more. 26.8% don’t believe that Sasha’s death will shake her confidence in that belief and it’s just a brief moment of doubt, in contrast to 23.2% who believe that Sasha’s demise will irreparably change Mikasa’s philosophy.

No....? I did't even realise she was that close to Sasha. I feel like if she loses Eren THEN she'll lose hope.

what words?

Mikasa deserves better than emo world destroyer Eren!!! She's too pure.

EREN SEEMED TO BE MISSING WHEN THE SURVEY CORPS WERE INTERACTING WITH THE VOLUNTEERS. WHY DO YOU THINK THAT MIGHT BE? 54 Responses

Eren wasn’t present when the others were interacting with the volunteers. Some believe it is noteworthy, others do not think so. 38.9% simply aren’t certain. 29.6% think it’s the SC decision to keep Eren away from Zeke’s followers. On the other, 20.4% predict that it was Eren’s own choice of isolation. A select few have simply been spoiled.

Didn’t notice this until now

Maybe he had already left for Marley?

ARMIN WAS HOPEFUL THAT THEY COULD SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS THROUGH DIPLOMACY. EREN FELT THAT PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION. WHO DO YOU AGREE WITH MORE? 54 Responses

A noted contrast in Eren and Armin’s beliefs was showcased in this episode. 57.4% find themselves siding more with Eren’s anti-diplomatic measures, while 42.6% support Armin’s more peaceful ways.

WE GOT A GLIMPSE OF ANNIE IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT BEST MATCHES YOUR THOUGHTS? 55 Responses

Annie has been encased in that crystal for years at this point, both in and out of universe. Is she going to get out of that crystal? Just a little over 69% believe so, in contrast to the one person who doesn’t. 23.6% were spoiled one way or another.

Sis is running out of time...it would really suck if her 13 years were up before she even got out of her lil crystal

This has GOT to wake up, surely.

She got a nose reduction surgery

HOW DO YOU THINK ZEKE WILL RATE HIS STAY AT THE HOTEL OF GIANT TREES? 55 Responses

Zeke seemed shocked to find his hotel to be a forest of Giant Trees. An iconic location, seen throughout the series. We asked how you believe Zeke will rate his stay. A plurality (40%) think that he won’t be there long enough to do so. 29.1% believe he’ll give it an average score, in contrast to 23.6% who imagine Zeke loving his getaway! 7.3% have been spoiled.

WHAT BEST DESCRIBES YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT PIXIS ARRESTING THE VOLUNTEERS? 55 Responses

It would appear Pixis detained the volunteers while the SC were away. The majority (52.7%) don’t find it to be a controversial decision, noting that both parties have a mutual understanding between each other. A noted minority (29.1%) thought that it was actually the best course of action, arguing that the Paradisian Military has no way of knowing whether the volunteers are trustworthy or not now that Zeke is here on Paradis. In contrast, 18.2% thought that it was mistake, given how much assistance the Volunteers have provided to the islanders.

WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THE WAY THE PARADISIANS ARE SEEN TREATING MARLEYANS? 55 Responses

We saw some noted mistreatment of Marleyans by the Paradisians this episode. So we asked the responders what their thoughts were on this development. A plurality (47.3%) couldn’t say one way or the other and needed to see more to pass their judgment. 34.5% were open in their condemnation of those actions, in contrast to the 12.7% who were supportive of such activities.

Cycle of haaaate. No one is justified in acting that way but it's understandable that they do

Some good, some bad. Military police doing the worst of course.

An eye for an eye ✌

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

I don't know what to say anymore. This episode made me question my previous ideologies regarding the characters

In my opinion, this episode has more fanservice than usual, from the ship moments of Levihan and Aruani, and to the display of Mikasa's ass and Eren's abs, but Mappa is not over the top and can still get the plot moving and still have those moments that can move the viewers.

I believe in Onyankopon supremacy

Even though I love Mappa post timeskip designs, the pre timeskip design of some characters seemed a bit off to me (particularly Armin and Eren). It distracted me a bit from the action.

Eren standing Infront of the mirror was way better in manga. Mappa need to put more effort. No hate tho.

Idk, didn't blow me away. I'm seriously concerned for Armin, he's definetly losing it. Appreciated the flashbacks and the new characters too. Onyankopon has captured my mf heart, if he dies, I die too. 😌

Chad Eren

Niccolo x Sasha OTP

What the shit dude…

Gabi will forever be the worst character to me, no matter what the anime tries to do to justify her

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 54 Responses

Thanks again to everyone who responded!

#snk poll #snk polls #snk spoilers #snk s4 #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot

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amyscascadingtabs · 4 years ago

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✨creator tag meme✨

i’ve been tagged in this by @feeisamarshmallow @dolston17 and @arnies-bitch and i love doing these every year (self love!) so, even though this year has been a year of far less fic-writing for me for various reasons... here goes ❤️

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

listed chronologically in terms of date published;

💫 i’ll walk through hell with you

i know i chose this one last year as well, BUT, i did write and publish the two-three last chapters of this in 2020 so i’m including it again. i’m so freaking proud of this one. it was an experience to write and i did SO much research and i had such fun with it. writing the two last chapters was such a high and i remember i wrote the sixth one in like three days where i just couldn’t stop. it was also the last fic i wrote and published with my original peraltiago kiddos leah and olivia santiago-peralta and it was lovely to get to say goodbye to them in style. plus the way i literally predicted trying.. my mind ❤️ (i do have a document of the similarities and how i worded it vs how the show did it... if any fan of this is curious)

a favourite quote:

But what I was actually trying to say was…” Jake blushes, and she can tell there’s a moment of emotional sincerity coming. “I’m with you. I know that. I also know that as long as I’m with you, all the bad stuff is survivable, and all the good stuff is a million times better. And I’d rather have hard days with you, and Lee, and I guess soon whoever this is,” he holds his hand to her stomach through her sweater, “than good days with anyone else.”

“Me too,” she snivels, having to wipe the tears on her shirt sleeve because of course, this is making her cry. “How’d you get so wise all of a sudden?”

“Married you,” he shrugs. “And had kids. Also, I got hella old.”

💫 paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

was this possibly the only fic i wrote this year that was (almost) baby-free? probably. i blame it on season 7. but yes; i wrote a fic about rosa dealing with her breakup from jocelyn and it was great fun and made me want to write even more rosa (which i did!). she’s just great, and writing her with amy is incredible. plus, i got such amazing guidance from @vernonfielding with this one which i think truly brought out the best in this story.

a favourite quote:

“I hate it,” Rosa mutters. “I didn’t get a fucking choice. I never knew how much of a difference that made.”

“Well, now you know. It sucks. But...” Amy leans her head to the side. “Maybe that’s a good thing, too?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If it hurts, that means it mattered, right? If you miss something, then there was something to miss in the first place. It means you opened yourself up and built something of meaning with someone. I know that doesn’t make it easier -”

Rosa snorts. “No, it doesn’t.”

“But it might mean that something can matter again,” Amy says, fixing her eyes on Rosa’s. “Someday. Even if it feels impossible right now.”

💫 bracing for the winds i always summon

we all know i love some sweet amy content... this was one of the things i wrote early on in covid quarantine life, and it brings out a lot of memories. i do still consider going back and editing the last parts so they can fully agree with canon, but i’ve not had the energy quite yet. either way, i’m really proud of the way i wove canon and minor episode details into this one. we got such limited pregnant amy content and i wanted more! i’ve reread this one a ton of times, because it’s just.. satisfying to me. i answered a lot of my own questions in it. filling in the holes!!

a favourite quote:

She’s felt protective of this life since the day she found out about it, but it’s a great and positive change to be able to feel like she’s starting to know the child she’s protecting. She doesn’t know his name, although it keeps being debated, or what he looks like aside from the gray-and-white sonogram pictures, but she knows he’s most awake at night before they go to bed and that he moves like crazy to the sound of Jake humming renditions of his favorite Taylor Swift-tunes to him, and it feels like the most important information she’s ever known about someone.

Maybe she’s okay at making babies, Amy thinks. She’s wholly certain this child is too good for her, is still worried he’ll be taken away at a moment’s notice, but right now he’s here, and he’s making her want to try her best.

💫 (three times ‘cause) i’ve waited my whole life

i didn’t write very much this summer for several reasons, but what little motivation i had for writing, mostly went to this one. it was originally meant to be for father’s day and i published it in september, so i missed out slightly there, but i’m still really proud of it. writing jake and his feelings about fatherhood is something i’ve always enjoyed so much, and this was 13k words of doing just that. i’m proud of so much in this fic, and i’m really happy i actually finished it in the end. god i love jake and baby mac ❤️

a favourite quote:

Jake is amazed by how much better fatherhood has gotten with time. It was always the most amazing thing to ever happen to him, but it was so different when his son was a newborn. Mac was rarely awake for the first weeks, and when he was, he was either stuck to Amy for feeding or crying because he was overtired or needed his diaper changed. Jake always loved his son, but for the first month or so, he felt pretty useless around him. The daily attempts at bottle-feeding, and the precious times Mac fell asleep against his Jake’s chest as they walked around the apartment at night, had made up most of their bonding time together. It was still wonderful, and Jake can miss the time when Mac actually stayed where you put him, but in the end, it’s got nothing on what fatherhood is like at eight months in. Now, Mac interacts with them, laughing and smiling and trying to babble gibberish back at them when they talk to him. He’s always on the move, like he’s anxious to miss out on anything the world has to offer if he sits still for too long. Judging from the way he’s currently trying to use the tree next to them to get up to a standing position, Jake wonders how long they’ve got left until he’s walking. It’s clear that Mac has his own personality now, no longer just traces of it hidden in a newborn’s constant needs, and every day of fatherhood seems to bring a new adventure.

There had been a time when Jake wasn’t sure if he wanted this. Little did he know, it’s better than anything he could have dreamt.

💫 when all your heroes get tired (i’ll be something better yet)

last but not least, my second sleuth sisters fic of the year and second rosa fic too! i’ve thought about writing this since i watched lights out; i love writing rosa and amy so much and it’s always fun to write jake and amy from someone else’s perspective, especially as i think the choice by the show to have them keep their pregnancy private when everyone had already figured it out was so interesting. i love supportive rosa and i love the relationship she’s going to have with mac and i love her secretly loving babies. they’re so cute it’s fucked up!!!! anyway, yeah; i love writing rosa and this was such a fun challenge.

a favourite quote:

There’s a tenderness even to the way she speaks to him, like love is packed into each word. Rosa thinks of the way Amy hid her pregnancy for months in fear that something would go wrong, and how scared she was that giving birth under less than ideal circumstances would somehow make her a bad mom. She doesn’t seem as scared anymore. Rather, there’s an air of quiet confidence over her when she’s holding him, and it’s moving to see.

“Slow down, McClane,” she whispers, thumb stroking over his cheek. “I know you’re hungry, but if you keep going like that, you’re going to puke, okay? We’ve been through this.”

“I’m proud of you,” the words spill out of Rosa, and Amy blinks.

“You’re proud of me?”

“Yeah, I’m proud of you.” A shy smile flutters across Amy’s lips. “But if you ever have another kid, I’m not going near you a month before you’re due, okay? I’ll transfer precincts or something. Never again.”

Amy laughs, but Rosa just stares at her, and she goes silent. “Got it. Cool. That’s fair.”

tags 2019/2018 ❤️

i’m tagging @johnny-and-dora, @letsperaltiago, @amydancepants-peralta, @b99peraltiago and @nessa007 to do some self love over any creations this year you're proud of ❤️❤️❤️

#my writing #johanna talks writing #tag games

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samoannaomas · 4 years ago

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Memento Mori...

What a wild concept. I remember that first video popping up in my notifications all those months ago and being intrigued. I've always been so excited to see and latch on to whatever content and project you guys produce and, while I was in this ship of people who had no idea where this was going, I knew then that I'd be there, no matter what. Of course, then, none of us could have predicted what was to come... Cooking with sex toys, nude painting, DIY, the various bits and commentary back and forth... Anything and everything you guys came out with was a rollercoaster of a ride. Those first couple weeks were oops bangers and it was only set to go up from there.

Since subscribing to this video, I've started my final semester of college. There was so much going on at this point that I could almost never watch the videos when they came out, but whether it took me a couple weeks or a couple late nights here and there, I always managed to catch up. In those times, I laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time. I sat on the edge of my seat with the scarier episodes. Some episodes definitely made me cringe, but each and every video had its own personality. The one emotion I didn't really experience until tonight, watching the stream, was sadness. And in honesty, I don't even think it was sadness tonight. I might've cried a little, but it was with a smile on my face as you all talked about how proud you were of each other and of this project. Just seeing how hard you all have worked on this project - Amy, Evan, Lexion, Markus, Rachel, Vincent, every single guest you've had, all the staff that's helped throughout, and of course, Mark and Ethan - I couldn't be more proud to have been here to see this unfold.

The message you guys have emphasized all year really struck a chord with me in this last month. About three weeks ago, I was in a bad car accident where multiple cars were involved, but I was the only one hurt. The day I woke up in the hospital, there were a few things that slowly started to come back to me as things I needed to do. I needed to call my parents. I needed to let my friends know I was okay. I needed to know what happened. But one thing that stuck out to me - and kind of makes me laugh now - I had missed a couple days of Unus Annus. In retrospect, it's such a weird thing to be focused on when I was laying in a hospital bed, barely able to stay awake and still not fully grasping what was going on, but it was so close to the end at that point and I hadn't missed any episodes. It scared me so much that I might miss it at that point that it helped me distract from the fear of what was going on. In a way, it helped me heal.

I clicked into the stream today with the intention of not staying the whole 12 hours. I wasn't sure I'd have time, and the stream is ending at 2 am, which is a little past my recovery bedtime, but I knew I wanted to be here for the end. Now that we're dwindling to the last 5 minutes, I feel proud to have witnessed this. I'm proud of all of you and I'm so grateful, personally for the comfort and message you all have given over this last year. Since my accident, I've thought a lot about what could have happened and how everything could have changed for me in a second. Any one thing could have been slightly different and I wouldn't have survived the year. Death does come for us all. Sometimes it hits us from behind like a speeding pick up truck and you never see it coming. Sometimes you see it coming for 365 days. Whatever happens, though, it does happen, and something I've learned in all of this, is that life is so valuable - so fleeting. We're not guaranteed anything, so if we're still breathing, we have to make the most of this life we have. I hope I never become complacent again. I hope we all learn from this year and we all take these lessons to heart, because in the end, we will all pass on to whatever lies on the other side, and when that happens, I, for one, want to be ready.

So thank you to Mark and Ethan, Unus and Annus, for everything you've given us this year. For the sacrifices you've made and the stories you've told. I hope you get a really awesome night's rest and you wake up tomorrow knowing you did good. While I hope you have many more years to share with us and with those you love, this last year has certainly been inspiring. The channel may be gone, but you made it count while it was here. So as I post this and go to sleep for the night, I'll do so with a smile on my face - excited for whatever adventure awaits tomorrow. Thank you guys again... For everything.

Memento Mori.

Unus Annus.

@markiplier @crankgameplays

#memento mori #unus annus #thank u #the end #youtube #markiplier #crankgameplays

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ravenbrenna09 · 5 years ago

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Unattainable - Chapter Three

AO3

...

bold = sending; italicized = receiving*

*This is more to remind me because of Tumblr only having text on the left side of the text box :)

...

Important Note from me: (and slight spoilers)

There is a scene in this chapter where they refer to this version of the ending clip from Episode 4 of Wtfock (in this case between Robbe and an original character named Nick). There are no direct references to dialogue from this scene and I do not mention what Robbe called him (however, I think it’s similar or word-for-word what Robbe said the exact same thing that he said to Sander in this clip) and I do not want to have that piece of dialogue in this story because I know that it can be triggering for some members of the LGBT community.

But, as the author of this piece and as a person who can’t imagine the pain inflicted by these words, I tried to give Robbe the ability to apologize to the person he hurt to his face (in this story) just like he was able to in the original WTFock scene with Sander. I know this scene was controversial, but I felt like Robbe needed this interaction. However, while the character is no longer angry at him, I want to stress, if you have been called those words or you have been attacked for loving who you love, you are under NO obligation to forgive that person. These words are not okay to use (as both Robbe and Nick will point out), but this situation is based solely on the experience of Nick, not anyone else’s.

The basis of this interaction is largely inspired by my own troubles with my former best-friends where I would become so angry that I would be incapable of doing basic functions. Naturally, these two are nowhere near the same (and I’m not saying that they are), but I had to learn that my anger was harmful to me and my life so I had to let go of the anger to move on with my life. This was my basis of this interaction that comes up later. I hope you guys understand (if anyone wants to talk to me about this scene, send me a DM here on Tumblr and we can talk about it).

Because of this scene, I’m actually really nervous about posting this chapter so I hope that you all enjoy!

Either way, I love all of you so much. Thank you for all the support.

...

Messages to Sander

Robbe IJzermans sent an image.

You with David Bowie.

Seriously? How did I not find you sooner?

You’re literally perfect.

Also, aren’t you supposed to be studying for your test?

No.

I am studying. I’m just taking a break.

I’m not perfect.

Besides, it’s might be a good thing that we didn’t find each other sooner.

How so?

When I was in school, I kissed a guy and I was terrified because…

Well, a lot of reasons, and so I said somethings that I regretted.

I called the guy something I shouldn’t have and accused him of something that he didn’t do.

I don’t know.

I just… I knew that it was something that I wanted.

But, my brain just… went Chernobyl and I couldn’t think straight.

I’m sorry.

Hey, don’t apologize. I just hopped in the shower.

You aren’t the same person, Robbe.

Do you feel that way with me? Like Chernobyl?

No.

Well, yes I do, but not in the same way.

See?

When’s your test?

An hour.

And you’re coming over after you meet with your friend right?

Yes?

Why are you making me worried?

It’s nothing to be worried about.

Just in the middle of unpacking.

When you get here, I want to give you my full attention ;)

You don’t have to do that.

You’re right.

But I will.

I will be more than happy to help you unpack.

Absolutely not.

My boxes can wait another day.

You can’t.

Sander.

If you do good on your test, there may be a reward.

;)

Robbe?

Sorry.

You’re distracting.

Lol, I’ll let you get back to your studying.

Good luck.

Thank you.

I’ll see you later.

…

Sander’s apartment, which was on the sixth floor of the apartment complex, was a lot like Robbe had predicted. There were moving boxes all over the living room, propped up on counters and the coffee table with large, bold letters that accompanied them to show where the contents were to go. There were a handful of pots and pans in the kitchen, plates were placed in the corner of the counter which had not found a permanent home in the cabinet, and a smaller, partially open box labeled Spices.

The only room that seemed to be completely done was the guest bedroom which Sander had turned into a makeshift art studio. There had been an easel propped up near the large window in the room, canvases and paints and charcoals placed strategically around the room. There was a small desk with a sketchbook and dozens of more art supplies that Robbe couldn’t name let alone attempt at deducing. There were large, thick black drapes that hung on either side of the window that might’ve blocked out the sunlight.

“It can double as a darkroom,” Sander supplied, his eyes watching Robbe’s features assess the room. He ran a hand through Robbe’s hair, watching gleefully as Robbe’s tilted his head towards the palm of his head. “The one at my other apartment was a little bigger. But, it’ll do just fine.” He wrapped an arm around Robbe’s shoulder, pulling him flush against his chest and closing the door with another, before pulling him further down the hallway.

“Ah, I see,” Robbe mumbled. “This was all a ploy to get me in the bedroom.”

“Yes,” Sander teased, his lips brushing against Robbe’s ear. The brunet gulped, reaching up to cling at Sander’s hand in his own. The artist willingly surrendered his hand, intertwining their fingers together flawlessly, and grinned brighter. “As long as I have the bed up, I’m able to sleep and not have to sleep beneath my desk again.” He bit down on Robbe’s ear and unexpectedly pulled back. Robbe should’ve expected it, letting out a sigh as he clung. It was so on brand. “So, what do you want to do? Watch a movie? I’ve got a little bit of everything and a Netflix account.”

Robbe groaned as Sander sat on his bed, glancing up at him expectantly. “You’re such a tease.”

A playful grin spread across Sander’s features and the gleeful glint returned to his eyes. “If you think I’m teasing, that means you’re expecting more.”

Robbe rolled his eyes because he definitely was, crossing his arms over his chest as he stepped closer to the side of the bed. Once Robbe was within an arm’s length of Sander, the latter’s hands reached out, hooking on the belt loops of his jeans and pulled him closer to him. Robbe stepped on the bed, his knees digging into the bed before he settled down on Sander’s lap. His hands settled against Robbe’s thighs, his hands warm even through the fabric of his jeans. “And, if I was?”

Sander grinned up at him, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he was leaning up to press his lips against Robbe’s. Sander’s kiss was as dizzying as it had been the night before. Robbe kissed him back, digging his fingers into the soft strands of Sander’s hair, leaning over him and pushing him lightly to fall back. Sander leaned back at Robbe’s touch, bringing him over his body and coaxed younger man’s mouth open with his tongue.

Sander lifted Robbe off of him, grinning at the whine that the latter emitted. “Be patient,” the former whispered, pressing a featherlight chaste kiss to Robbe’s lips again, before sitting up and lifting Robbe off of his body. Robbe let out a groan, extending his legs over his lap, as Sander dragged one of the boxes over to his feet, rummaging through it for movies. “Come on, let’s find a movie.”

…

“Who’s your favorite actor?” Sander mumbled, his eyes half-closed as Robbe ran his fingers through the wisps of his blond hair. The use of his voice had surprised Robbe, who had presumed that he had fallen asleep, his eyes closed and being unresponsive to Robbe’s mumbled speech for about fifteen minutes. He doesn’t remember how they ended up like this, feet in opposite directions on the end of Sander’s half-finished bed, heads resting on the other’s elbows, as the movie that they had finally picked was playing on the television across the room.

“Leonardo Dicaprio,” Robbe admitted, turning towards Sander.

Sander looked at him incredulously, his fingers idly playing with the stud earring in his left ear. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Robbe admitted, smiling. Sander breathed out of his nose, a light scoff breathed out of his mouth, and Robbe rolled his eyes, returning his gaze to the ceiling. “You never saw Romeo and Juliet?” Sander shook his head, staring over at him as Robbe nuzzled against the crook of Sander’s arm. “It’s fucking beautiful. My mom and I used to watch it every Friday. It’s her favorite movie.”

Sander smiled, staring back up at the ceiling. His thumb rotated Robbe’s earring in his ear and the brunet subconsciously leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “You know,” Sander spoke up. Robbe opened his eyes to see Sander’s green ones, glancing towards the television. “Life is a bit like a movie sometimes.”

“What do you mean?” Robbe questioned, turning on his side to face Sander fully.

“You’re in charge of directing your own life. Deciding what it is and what it isn’t, and what your life will become,” Sander explained. “You get to choose your own destiny, carve out what it is that you want to do with it.”

Robbe thought about it, twirling one of the longer strands of Sander’s hair around his finger. “No, I don’t believe that.”

Sander’s green eyes flickered over to him, connecting with his brown ones. “No?”

“Do you know… the multiverse theory?” Robbe questioned, nervous.

Sander raised an eyebrow. “Like in Spiderman?”

Robbe laughed, grinning at him. “The theory is based on the idea that time is just a dimension,” Robbe started, tracing patterns along Sander’s scalp. The man’s eyes fluttered shut, but Robbe knew that he was still listening. “And so, aside from this universe, there are also a bunch of other universes. Whenever you make a choice, the universe splits.”

“So, The Flash?” Sander whispered.

Robbe grinned brighter. “Did you watch The Flash?”

“Guilty pleasure from my youth,” Sander explained, waving his free hand around. For a brief moment, he sounded like a senile old man, who had just explained something about forty years ago not less than a decade old. But, Robbe presumed that Sander was an old soul trapped in a young body anyways with his love for David Bowie and leather jackets and affinities for 80s movies. Somehow, it made Robbe’s heart swell as he watched him, his nose twitch as he bumped his nose.

“But, so then, you know you can exist in every universe,” Robbe continued, realizing that Sander’s green eyes were on him. “But, it’s just slightly different each time. For example, there could be a Sander and a Robbe lying here in the exact same position that we are right now, except there’s a different poster on the wall or the curtains are a different color.”

“So, like yellow curtains?” Sander piped up, his eyes flickering over to the black curtains that were lying over a box.

“For example,” Robbe trailed off, turning towards him. “Have you never thought about that before?”

Sander sucked in a breath, his eyes trained up to the ceiling. “I have,” he admitted. “But, then, I start to feel lonely.”

“Why?” Robbe questioned, propping himself on his elbow so he could see Sander’s full face.

The man was staring off into the ceiling like he had stopped being aware that Robbe was even there. There was a dark, vulnerable look in his eyes that reminded Robbe a little of how his mother would get when she spiraled into her own thoughts, consumed by them all. Robbe ran his hands through Sander’s hair, trying to convey that he was here, that he was listening.

“Just,” Sander started, swallowing. “Doesn’t that ever happen to you, that you find yourself thinking: how come I’m thinking this exact thing? Then you go back, retrace your thoughts step-by-step, and you take a look at how one thought morphed into the next, and you’re left wondering: why does it do that? What if I’d gone from this one thought to a completely different thought, then I wouldn’t be thinking what I’m thinking right now. It just keeps going and going and going, and it doesn’t stop.”

His voice cracked.

“Hey,” Robbe spoke, hovering over Sander. He ran his hands through Sander’s hair, trailing his thumbs across the blond’s cheekbones, and his green eyes fluttered, glancing up at Robbe.

Sander paused, looking up at him with a dark look in his eyes. “You know, thoughts never stop. Not even when you’re sleeping. The only way you can stop your thoughts is by dying.”

Robbe’s stomach sunk. “That’s dark,” he whispered.

“Never thought about that before?” Sander questioned. Robbe shook his head, reaching out to take Sander’s fingers in his own. A gentle smile formed back on Sander’s face, twisting his hand so his fingers slotted together with Robbe’s. Robbe would do anything to make that smile stay on his face. “I sometimes forget how young you are.”

It’s a joke, an attempt to brush off the seriousness of what happened, but Robbe doesn’t let it phase him. He knew what he had witnessed in front of him. But, he was also aware that Sander didn’t want to talk about it and Robbe wasn’t going to bring it up unless he wanted him to. So, Robbe laughed, pretending to be offended before he leaned forward, pressing his lips against Sander’s.

Robbe tried to pour into the kiss that he was here should Sander ever need to talk. The blond was receptive of the kiss, pressing his lips back against Robbe’s, oblivious of the brunet shifting upward and moving until his legs were on either side of his hips and their lips disconnected so Robbe could fully turn around and straddle him.

Sander’s eyes watched him, playful and secretive, but he was laughing as Robbe settled on his hips and ran his hands along the length of his chest, feeling every muscle beneath the thin fabric of his David Bowie shirt. So, Robbe could deal with that for now, file the incident away for later when Sander was a bit more receptive to talking about whatever it was. “Woah, what are you planning?” Sander questioned, an inquisitive look in his green eyes as his hands gripped Robbe’s waist.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Robbe replied, settling down against his hips and swallowing Sander’s groan as he kissed him again.

…

Sander’s kisses were intoxicating.

Robbe already had a basic idea about how intoxicating they were last night. Sander had dropped him off at his apartment and gave him one long goodnight kiss that was meant to satisfy both of them until after Robbe’s test and plans with Yasmina. But, Robbe wasn’t satisfied, pulling him beneath the shadows of a tree for nearly thirty minutes, relishing in Sander’s kisses and being wound up in his arms, until they literally had to pull themselves apart. Sander had been worried that he waited too long, but his hair remained the pristine bleach-blond that it had been before their pool fiasco.

(Which was good because Robbe would’ve felt really guilty.)

But, now, lying on the bed with the movie long forgotten, his kisses were on a different level.

Maybe it was because they were in the safety and security of Sander’s room, unable to be bothered by random strangers walking by, or maybe it was because they had all the time in the world now, but Sander’s kisses were more heated than they had been last night. His lips pressed a little harder, his tongue slipped into Robbe’s mouth with more fever, and his body weight on top of Robbe’s made his head spin a little faster. Each kiss melted into the next and into the next and into the next, moving and melding together like one cohesive long kiss that made Robbe’s entire world shift on a new axis.

Sander’s hands slipped beneath the fabric of his shirt, his fingers tracing the muscles and defined abs of Robbe’s torso. Then, his hands moved upward, taking the shirt with him until it was up to their chins. Sander separated the minimum distance enough to get the fabric over Robbe’s head before his lips are back against his own, attacking his lips with much more intention than before. Robbe reached for the hem of Sander’s David Bowie shirt, pulling it up to his shoulders. As Sander separated their lips to slip it off, Robbe let his hand roam across the other’s bare chest, his finger finding the outline of black ink on his chest.

Located directly over his heart, the prominent, beautiful tattoo depicted a wolf. It looked so lifelike that Robbe wondered if he could pass it off as having been screen printed onto his skin. The wolf stared at Robbe, fierce and protective of Sander and his heart. Robbe glanced up to Sander, who was watching him closely, before reaching out to touch the tattoo gently, running his fingertips over the skin. As the tip of Robbe’s finger felt a bump amongst the tattoo, along the wolf’s face, Sander’s hand was on Robbe’s chin forcing him to look up and colliding their lips together again.

Robbe breathed deeply into the kiss, opening his mouth without Sander needing to ask. Sander reached for Robbe’s right hand, interlocking their fingers together and pinning it against the sheets of the bed. Robbe clung to his hand like a lifeline, feeling his stomach flip as Sander squeezed back. Robbe hooked his hand against Sander’s shoulder blade and his ankles on the backs of Sander’s knees, squeezing Sander’s waist with his thighs. The blond’s hand was on his chest and he dragged his lips from against Robbe’s, down the curve of his jawline, drawing a path to his throat and-

One of their phones gave a shrill ring.

Sander pulled back, letting out a deep, resigned sigh, as he dropped his head against the pillow that Robbe was half-lying on, grumbling beneath his breath. Robbe pressed a feather-light kiss to his temple and Sander leaned against his lip for half a moment before he started to sit up, twisting away from Robbe. The loss of Sander’s skin on his was too much, Robbe realized how cold the room was. He reached out to grab at Sander’s shoulder, pulling himself up from the bed.

Without thinking, Robbe scooted closer to where Sander had gone, perched on the edge of the bed. Robbe opened his legs, flanking Sander’s own legs. If Sander minded, he didn’t say anything. Robbe wrapped his arms around Sander’s chest, pulling him lightly against him, and pressed a kiss against the exposed flesh of Sander’s shoulder before resting his cheek against his flesh.

It was only when Sander lets out a frustrated sigh that Robbe glanced down at the phone.

Britt

There were several messages above it, full of angry texts back and forth, but Robbe doesn’t try to figure out the message that they hold, only spotting the red-faced emojis from Britt. He didn’t want to invade Sander’s privacy more than he already had. “I’m going to get some water,” Robbe mumbled, reluctantly detaching himself from Sander’s back and climbing off the bed. As Robbe left the bedroom, he bent down, fetching his shirt from the floor and slipping it on as he walked down the hallway.

By the time that Sander joined him in the kitchen, the blond had put his shirt back on as well. Robbe had a glass of water in his hands and his eyes were trained on the rim of the glass, having barely taken a sip of what he had gotten. Sander stepped around the kitchen counter, leaning against it with one hip and staring at Robbe. “Hey,” Sander spoke, his voice soft as he tilted Robbe’s chin up so he was forced to look at Sander’s big, confused green eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Robbe swallowed, the question knawing at the back of his head. “Why does Britt still think you’re dating?” he whispered.

“Because she’s controlling and can’t come to terms with the fact that I don’t want her,” Sander replied, instantaneous and direct. His eyes were on Robbe the entire time and that made the brunet feel like he should hide, or apologize, for doubting him. Sander reached out, taking the glass of water from his hand and placing it on the sink, before taking Robbe’s face in his hands. “She thinks that she’s the only one who can be there for me and that I’ll come crawling back to her when I need her, but I’m not.”

Robbe swallowed, leaning forward to press his forehead against Sander’s, wrapping his arms around the other man’s shoulders.

“Robbe,” Sander whispered. “Look at me.” Robbe glanced up at him, his brown eyes finding determined green eyes that were boring into his own. Sander’s thumbs trailed across his cheeks before he was placing a fleeting kiss to Robbe’s lips. “Maybe there’s a universe out there where that Sander is with that Britt, but that isn’t this one. Britt is history, okay?” Sander spoke, his voice determined and precise. “We’re the future.”

Robbe smiled, angling his face to kiss Sander again.

The blond grinned, wrapping his arms around Robbe to pull him closer, but then he halted, inches from Robbe’s lips. Robbe opened his eyes, realizing that Sander was staring at him with a smug look on his face, and let out an involuntary groan. Still on brand. “Hold on a second,” he spoke, untangling himself from Robbe’s arms and rushing off to the art room.

“Sander,” Robbe breathed out, reaching out to grab his water and take another drink.

Sander returned with his hands behind his back. “Put the drink back down,” Sander ordered. Robbe gave him a look and placed the glass back down on the counter, turning towards Sander who stepped around the counter. “Don’t freak out,” the blond whispered, reaching out to hand him a sheet of paper.

Robbe took it gingerly in his hands and stared down at the sketch on it. It was him. The sketch depicted a large heart-shaped hole with Robbe in the center. It was a beautiful sketch, one that didn’t even seem like it was him, but he felt his own heart swell in his chest. Was this how Sander saw him?

“Is this how you see me?” Robbe questioned.

Sander nodded his head, reaching out to wrap his arms around Robbe’s shoulders. He brought him against his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of Robbe’s head. “I got the idea this afternoon when you told me about Chernobyl,” Sander admitted. “I was already drawing you so it ended up working out. And, it’s not finished quite yet, but imagine it on a big wall with all these intense colors.”

Robbe twisted in Sander’s arms, cradling his head and pressing his lips against Sander’s own. It was hard to kiss with the way that Robbe was smiling from ear-to-ear, but they managed. Sander’s hands dropped down to Robbe’s waist, fisting the fabric that bunched up there, and Robbe pulled him impossibly closer, letting Sander press him against the counter.

Then, there was a knock on the door.

Sander tensed against him, nervously eyeing the door. Robbe opened his mouth to speak, but Sander shook his head, raising his hand up to press a hand against his mouth to prevent him from asking. The blond moved towards the door, stepping up against it to glance at who was outside. After a few moments, Sander let out a relieved sigh, opening the door and fishing out his wallet.

“Keep the change,” he told whoever was at the door before taking a pizza box from him. Once the pizza delivery man stepped away, Sander closed the door, swiftly locking it behind him. “I hope you like pepperoni,” the blond beamed, moving to the kitchen and placing a lingering kiss again Robbe’s lips.

But, even as Robbe kissed him back, reaching up to place his hands on Sander’s chest, he could tell that the blonde was still tense. “Is everything okay?” Robbe questioned, rubbing gently at his shoulders.

“Of course,” Sander spoke, giving him another kiss as he placed the pizza on an open spot of the kitchen counter. Sander’s hands returned to Robbe’s waist, snaking around to pull the smaller man against his chest, and Robbe laughed, snuggling into his chest. “I’ve got a handsome man in my arms,” he spoke, tilting Robbe’s head up so he could kiss him. Sander backed him up against the counter, using his hips to lock him in place, “and, a large pepperoni pizza.”

He placed a long kiss against Robbe’s lips, needier than the one before, and the latter whined when their lips separated again. “What more could I ask for?”

It’s another deflection, but Robbe let him, tilting his head up and greedily accepting Sander’s next kiss. “You know,” Robbe started. Sander glanced down at him, his bright green eyes seemed a little sad, and Robbe wanted nothing more than to kiss the sadness away. “I’m always here when you want to talk.”

Sander smiled, a small sad smile. “I know, Robbe.”

Then, they’re kissing again.

…

The iron gate shut behind him, locking in place. With one final pat-down to confirm that he had gotten all of his belongings, Robbe moved to his bike which was locked against the bike rack. After finding his own, he bent over, twisting the combination to fit his mother’s birthday, and unlocking it with a simple tug. As he wound up the lock and slipped it into his bag, he heard the sound of his own name being called out.

He turned, expecting to find Sander with something that he had inevitably forgotten about.

But, it wasn’t.

“Nick?” Robbe questioned.

There was a reason that Robbe had fallen so hard and so quickly for the black-haired man that approached him all those years ago. Even in the dimly lit street outside of the apartment complex, Nick still managed to be as handsome as he was all those years ago, back when Robbe was questioning his sexuality. He felt like throat run dry with guilt, the words that Robbe had thrown at him running through his head, bouncing around in his head as though he had just said the words yesterday.

“Hey,” Nick replied, a soft grin forming on his expression, lighting up his brown eyes.

Robbe bit down on his lip. “What are you doing here?”

Nick pointed towards the apartment complex, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I live here.”

“Oh,” Robbe exhaled.

“What are you doing here?” Nick questioned, taking a step towards him.

Robbe scratched behind his ear, avoiding Nick’s questionable gaze. “I was meeting someone,” Robbe mumbled.

“Oh,” Nick exhaled, a small grin on his face. Robbe spotted the quick look of grief that ghosted over his features. The brunet felt the pang of regret in his chest, that he had been the one to spit those words at Nick when he had given Robbe the only kiss that ever truly mattered at the time. The man stepped towards the iron gate, digging his keys out of his pockets and avoiding his gaze. “I’m glad that you managed to get past whatever was holding you back.”

“Nick,” Robbe spoke up, stepping towards him.

The man stopped, turning to stare at Robbe.

“I know that there’s absolutely nothing that I could ever do to change what I said to you and what I accused you of when you were just trying to figure out what was going on with me,” Robbe spoke, swallowing nervously as he glanced around the dimly lit road. “But, I just want you to know that I really am sorry. I was stupid and I was scared and absolutely terrified of what I was feeling. I took it out on you because it was easier to believe that was what happened than the fact that I liked guys.”

Nick turned towards him, sticking his free hand back in his pocket and staring at Robbe.

“I took it out on you because I thought that maybe you were the only guy I liked and you were the cause of it all. But, you weren’t. I liked guys well before you and that terrified me. You didn’t deserve any of what I did to you,” Robbe spoke, trying to keep his voice steady and firm. He didn’t realize how much he had kept bottled up about this, about Nick and what he had done to Nick. He had always deserved better than Robbe could’ve offered him at the time. “So, I’m sorry.”

Nick breathed.

“I know,” Nick replied. His hand that was still gripping on the iron bar of the gate dropped to rest against his side. Robbe blinked up at him, confused, as the black-haired man turned fully to stare at him. “Robbe,” he started, “You didn’t have to tell me sorry for me to know that you were. I could tell from the moment that you said the words, but that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t angry that you said what you said.”

“I know,” Robbe replied. “You have every right to be angry at me, to still be angry at me.” He bit down on his lip, looking down at his feet. “Once I talked with my friend and I realized how much I had fucked it all up, I tried to reach out to talk to you, but you had blocked me which I don’t blame you. At all.”

“Robbe,” Nick spoke up, stepping toward Robbe and effectively cutting him off. “I’m not angry at you for what you said. Not anymore at least. I spent far too long being angry at what you said and it consumed me and it wasn’t healthy. Once I let go of that anger that was holding me back, I was able to see that you were scared and that you were lashing out. But, that’s on you.”

“I know,” Robbe replied, hanging his head. “I’m still sorry though.”

Nick smiled. “I know,” Nick replied. “Maybe, at the moment, you didn’t mean to say it and that won’t change the fact that you did say those things. But, I know that you had probably internalized a lot of what your friends were joking around with, right?”

“Yeah,” Robbe replied, scratching behind his ear. “But, that doesn’t make it right.”

“You’re right,” Nick spoke, digging his hands back in his pockets. “It doesn’t make it right. But, I think both of us are acutely aware of that fact. If we keep living our lives based on something that happened years ago, all we’re going to end up doing is going in circles. So, the only thing that either one of us can really do Robbe is to remind yourself that what you said was wrong and never say that to anyone else again or else all you’re going to end up doing is drag yourself down.”

“Yeah,” Robbe mumbled. “I’m never going to say that to anyone else again and I shouldn’t have said it the first time.” Nick smiled. “Are you dating anyone?” Robbe questioned. He wanted to make sure that the man that he had hurt so much had been able to move on, find someone who wouldn’t say those words to him, and find the person that he deserved to find.

“I was, his name was Owen,” Nick admitted. “We had been dating for almost two years and broke up a couple of months ago. It just wasn’t right, you know?” Robbe did know. All of Robbe’s past relationships made him feel nearly as much as he did for Sander, Nick included. “I’m not really on the dating scene quite yet,” he admitted.

“Take your time,” Robbe replied. “You deserve it.”

Nick grinned. “Yeah, well, I hope that your,” he gestured towards the iron gate and Robbe laughed, thinking of Sander and his platinum blonde hair and heated kisses, “ends up working out for you. You deserve to be happy too. We should meet up, have a beer, catch up. You can always bring Jens and the guys. I miss hanging around them too even if our time together was brief.”

“Alright,” Robbe replied, grabbing ahold of his bike and placing it on the curb. “Thank you, Nick.”

“Have a good night, Robbe,” Nick spoke, disappearing into the shadows of the courtyard with the iron gate swinging shut behind him.

…

“Oh, you’re finally home. Where have you been, mister?”

While Jens was one of his best friends in the entire world, Robbe felt like the older man had regressed to treat him like a little brother in the years since Jens had moved out of his house. Despite the fact that Jens regularly (repeatedly) was out of the house out late or missed parties in favor of being with Lucas, the man walked into the foyer with his arms crossed and looking every bit like a disapproving older brother.

“Have you been out with your boyfriend?”

Robbe blinked, furrowing his eyebrows and getting strange flashbacks to Senne, “Uh…”

“I knew it!” Jens shouted.

“Jens,” Noor’s voice came from the kitchens. Robbe stepped towards the kitchen, searching out the woman who had long since become one of his closest friends. He found the black-haired woman sitting at the dining room table with a cup of tea, dressed in pajama pants and one of Moyo’s old shirts that she had long since claimed as her own. “You know that Moyo is meeting his mom in the morning, right?”

“Oh, sorry Moyo,” Jens whispered in the direction of Moyo’s room. There’s a muffled groan. “But, no seriously,” Jens spoke, turning back to Robbe, who sat down at the table with Noor. “Who is he? What does he do and when are we all going to meet him?”

“Who are you? My dad?”

Noor scoffed, nearly spitting tea out over the counter.

“Who is he? Is he nice? Are you being safe?”

“Need to be having sex to be playing it safe. What’s with the two-hundred questions?” Robbe countered.

“Why are you responding to all my questions with more questions?” Jens replied, his eyes narrowing at Robbe, who raised an eyebrow.

A moment later, Lucas came padding into the room, glaring at the back of Jens’ head. “Is this really why you left me in bed all by myself?” Jens paled, quickly moving to pepper kisses down the side of Lucas’ face. “You are going to have to better than that, Stoffels.” Jens pushed him back in the direction of the former’s bedroom and Lucas gave Robbe a wink over his shoulder.

Robbe was thankful.

He did not want to deal with Jens and his two-hundred questions.

“Is it serious?” Noor questioned, leaning towards him and taking a sip of her drink.

Robbe sucked in a breath. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I want it to be. But… I don’t know. I think he’s holding something back. I don’t think it’s anything bad like a girlfriend or boyfriend or something like that, but it’s something that he wants to keep a secret from me.”

Noor nodded her head, rubbing his shoulder and kissing his cheek as she stood up from the table to place her cup in the sink. “I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about,” Noor replied. “But, you like him right?”

Robbe nodded his head. He didn’t need to think about that one.

“Then, it’s all going to work out,” she spoke. “Just give him space to think on his own. He’ll come and talk to you whenever he’s ready. If you rush it, that will only result in him pushing you away.” Robbe nodded his head, moving to stand up. Noor met him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him. “Goodnight, Robbe. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Noor,” Robbe spoke, moving towards his room. Once he was inside, he dropped his bag off by the door, quickly changed his jeans for sweats, and climbed into bed. He barely managed to fire off an I made it safely home. Roommate gave me 200 questions. Goodnight text to Sander before his eyes were drooping and he was out.

In the morning, he woke up to shouts from his roommates and found:

Goodnight, angel. Sleep well.

…

The hospital had looked the same as when Robbe used to visit his mother in high school.

The receptionist was different, of course, her dark-blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail on the back of her head, her black-framed glasses on her nose. She glanced up at Robbe with slight indifference, but the student spotted a textbook sitting out to her right. Oh, he thought, she was stressed about school too. When Robbe had asked what room his mom was in, the girl beamed, seeming a little bit happier, and proceeded to gush about how his mother had made sure that she keep to her studies, making sure that the receptionist took breaks so to not overwhelm her.

Robbe had smiled.

That sounded like his mother.

Luckily, his mother’s room wasn’t far, down the hallway and around the corner. By the time that Robbe had found her, his mother was standing outside her room, talking to one of the nurses that stood outside of her door about her pregnancy. The nurse in question looked like she was due any day now. Robbe smiled as he approached the two women, catching the tail end of the conversation, “-and I had cravings with Robbe up until the moment that I went into labor.”

Robbe reached out, touching his mother’s shoulder. The woman turned towards him in surprise, beaming up at him.

Marine IJzermans beamed at him, grinning from ear-to-ear in a smile that lights up her entire face. Between his parents, Robbe had gotten the majority of his features from his mother. He had gotten her narrow face, slender frame, and her nose. Another thing that he got from her was her brown hair. His mother’s hair was long, cascading past her shoulder blades when down. Currently, it was trapped up in a ponytail which was messy and slightly lopsided. Her hazel eyes twinkled at him as she gripped onto him tightly.

“Robbe!” she practically exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him tightly. “You made it!”

“Of course, Mama,” Robbe replied. “I told you I was coming.”

His mother looked bashful, pushing back a strand of her hair. “I know, I know, but I know that you’ve been stressed with school and projects. I didn’t know if you were going to be staying at home to study a little bit more.” Suddenly remembering that she had been in a conversation, the woman quickly turned back to the nurse, “Just make sure you take care of yourself, Emilie. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”

“Thank you,” Emilie replied, beaming. “I’ll let you two catch up. It’s so wonderful to meet you, Robbe. Your mother talks a lot about you.”

His mother smiled, grabbing his arm and guiding him into her room.

Her room was simple. There was a single bed that was pushed up against the wall, the sheets messily folded along the corners, and her pillows haphazardly placed against the headboard. There were two notebooks on her nightstand that she seemed to be messing with endlessly. One was for her ideas, what she wanted to do with the swirling thoughts in her head, and the other was a journal that her group sessions always kept. Robbe knew that his mother never shared out her entries, but she always kept them close in case she needed them.

“You look stressed, sweetheart,” his mother noted, reaching up to press the back of her hand against his forehead.

Robbe laughed. When Robbe had gone to see Sander on Friday, the man had commented the same thing before proceeding to press kisses along Robbe’s repeated frown lines until he was giggling. “It’s just school work,” Robbe replied, running a hand through his hair. “Yasmina and I have a project coming up in one of our classes that has an essay and presentation component to it. It’s not due for another month though.”

“Sounds frightening,” his mother commented. “But, I know that you and Yasmina will get through it together. You guys always have before. I’m surprised that your teachers still let you be project partners.”

Robbe laughed.

“So, how are the rest of your classes been going? Have you made any new friends?”

“Uh,” Robbe started, but before he could even figure out what he was going to say, his phone rang shrilly in his back pocket. Robbe dug it out of his pocket, spotting the notification from Messages, and hurried moved to silence it.

“Do you need to get that, sweetheart?” his mother questioned.

“No,” Robbe replied, slipping his phone in his backpack where he would be less tempted to check it. Right now, he was his time with his mom. No phones, no friends, nothing. His roommates were already aware that he was here. They knew that their messages wouldn’t be read until Robbe left the hospital. “The boys know that I’m with you so it isn’t important.”

“Are you sure?” his mother replied. “You know that I don’t mind…”

“Mom,” Robbe spoke up. “It’s okay. They can wait a couple of hours.”

His mother listened intently as Robbe explained what he was learning in his classes. He could see the clouded look in her eyes like she couldn’t quite understand the topic of his Thursday morning class, but he could see that she was trying and listening intently, eagerly pressing Robbe to talk about it more. He told her about Sander, leaving out some of the finer details of how they got together (his mother did not need to know about him skinny-dipping in a pool that they broke into and fleeing from the nightguard), about how Robbe was worried about him and his reactions, and his mother had told him the same thing that Noor had.

“Give him time,” his mother had advised, leaning against her headboard as they shared the dinners the nurses had brought them. “If he wants to talk about it, then he’ll talk about it. There’s no reason to try and push for an explanation that he isn’t willing to give.”

“I know,” Robbe had supplied. “I just… I want to help him.”

His mother had smiled, reaching out to cup his face. “You’ve always had a gentle heart, Robbe.”

It’s only hours later when his mother’s medicine kicked in and she started to get sleepy that Robbe started to consider pulling out his phone. However, he decided against it, talking more about Yasmina’s boyfriend, who would show up between classes with coffee for Yasmina, had started regularly showing up with Robbe’s normal coffee order after Yasmina asked him to pick it up for Robbe after a tough day in class. His mother was dedicated, listening to the story for as long as she could.

But, in the end, she slipped into sleep, her breath evening out and her eyes closing. Robbe smiled, standing up to pull her blanket up around her. She snuggled into it and Robbe left a quick note for her, pinning it on the top of her notebook, before flipping off the light and leaving the apartment. Robbe left the hospital, wishing the receptionist good luck on her test and getting a grin in response. It’s only after he arrives at his bike that he remembers the text message, pulling out his phone.

His eyes found Sander’s name on the screen, sliding it open with ease, and he’s halfway through thinking about his response before his message registers in his brain.

Hey Robbe, I’m sorry but things are moving too fast. I need to take a break. I’m sorry. Forgive me.

When he gets home, trudging through the living room and making a beeline for his bedroom, his roommates noticed the change in his mood. But, no one can get out a word to question about Robbe’s depressed mood before the man was safely locked in his bedroom, throwing his backpack to the ground (and knocking over his skateboard in the process), discarding his clothes (save his briefs) onto his desk chair, and climbing into the bed, wrapping his sheets around him like a cacoon.

Finally, Jens knocked on the door. “Did something happen with your mom?”

Robbe blinked back the tears that he hadn’t formally registered against his cheeks. “No,” he replied, his voice soft and muffled by the sheets wrapped around him. He could tell that Jens was going to say something else, to ask another question. “Jens. I just need some time. Please?”

Jens was quiet. “Okay, but you know we’re always here for you, Robbe,” the black-haired man spoke. The man hesitated at the door, his shadow barely visible from the crack under the door. But, the man eventually moved off, back to the living room and leaving Robbe alone, silent, confused tears slipping from the corners of his eyes.

He got an Instagram notification.

earthlingoddity has added to his story

It was a completely black photo with a simple message for the world to see, spelled out in bold white letters across the screen.

I’m sorry.

#wtfock #wtfock fic #my fic #sobbe fic #rosander fic #robbe x sander #sobbe #rosander #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #unattainable fic

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kallypsowrites · 6 years ago

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Game of thrones 8x03 Predictions

I honestly am so hyperfixated on Game of thrones right now and the next episode that I gotta make some character predictions. But in this case, I’m less interested about DEATHS and more interested about the character groups we will see in the episode. The director has already spoke about the difficulty directing a battle with multiple POVs. In Battle of the Bastards he was able to stick of Jon’s perspective all the way through. In this battle, there are many storylines going on concurrently. But he likely has them split up into character groups in order to make things easier to track. And based on those character groups, we can guess what might happen. And, I expect that in each group, there will be some kind of death to give us a ‘lowest point’ for each arc. So...let’s jump in!

Group 1: The non-combatants (Tyrion, Varys, Sansa, Missandei, Gilly)

First off we have the non-combatants. My guess is, a lot of the character in this group will be focused on in the beginning as they say some goodbyes but then will be regulated to reaction shots during key points in the battle. HOWEVER I fully expect a few noncombatants to not stay in the crypts. Namely: Tyrion and Sansa. I think Tyrion will go initially to the crypts on Daenerys’ orders but then decide that he can’t take sitting and waiting. I think Sansa might refuse to go the crypts all together, and if she does, she will also have a moment of going off on her own. I suspect the crypts to become a focal point in the eleventh hour of the episode as a ‘twist’ when suddenly the crypts are attacked. That’s a big chekov’s gun at this point.

Moments/relationships I expect to see: Tyrion and Varys discussing the weird vibes happening between Dany and Jon, Tyrion and Sansa discussing not wanting to sit and wait to see if loved ones will die (I.E. their families), Missandei and Gilly bonding over feeling like outsiders and Gilly comforting Missandei. The Crypts becoming to the site for a devestating and unexpected attack that will make me sad.

Themes I expect to be explored: what it means to wait during a battle, facing certain death and feeling helpless to do anything about it, the value of non combatant skills in a combat zone.

Possible dead: Missandei, Gilly or Little Sam. Expect many tears.

Group 2: On the Battlements (Arya, Berric, Gendry and the Hound)

We’ve already seen shots of Arya, Berric and the Hound inside, and of course they got a moment together in episode two. Not to mention Arya is going to want to keep close to Gendry. I think that they are going to be the first responders to the crypt disaster and crucial for when Winterfell first becomes overrun. Arya, perhaps, wanted to fight out in the field, but I imagine Jon wanting her to stay in a safer part of the battle to protect those who can’t protect themselves. For this reason, this group’s story will converge with the story of those in the crypts toward the end.

At some point, Arya and her group will see/hear something suspicious and go to investigate where they will probably find the crypts overrun. That is what causes Arya to run in fear. My guess is she also tries to find Sansa who likely wasn’t in the crypts at the time of the attack, but Arya has no way of knowing that. This is the most panicked and emotional we’ll have seen Arya since her near death experience in season 8.

Like the previous group, look for them to play the biggest roll toward the end of the episode.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Arya and Gendry before battle, one last bonding between the Hound and Berric before inevitable deaths, Arya and the Hound fighting together, Arya being with Sansa in the beginning and then frantically looking for Sansa at the end. Arya being hella cool with her new weapon but also finding herself up against an enemy that genuinely scares her.

Themes I expect to be explored: Confronting fears, facing the real possibility of death, true apocalyptic horror, facing enemies beyond what one ever expected and seeing very strong people break down because of it.

Possible deaths: Berric definetily, and Gendry as a possibility

Group 3: The Godswood (Theon and Bran)

Theon is protecting Bran with the rest of the Iron born and waiting for the Night King. I suspect that Bran has some sort of secret plan, since he can see all things and this plan might ultimately end in Theon’s death. Still Theon will fight bravely throughout, proving himself a true iron born. It’d be nice to see him shoot down the ice dragon as well, but I won’t hold out too much hope.

This is probably the group that’s going to get most trippy with it’s magic too since Bran is the focal point/target of the Night King. This is the only group where I genuinely don’t know what to expect.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Bran’s gonna give Theon that trailer speech about how everything he did brought him back home and it’s going to be hella emotional. Brave boy Theon is going to brave and fight for his little brother and I CRY. I expect Jon to intersect with this group at some point as well but I’ll get to that later.

Themes I expect to see explored: Mysticism and magic, family goes beyond blood, making a stand to protect what you love even though you know you could die.

Possible deaths: Theon

Group 4: The Left Flank (Jaime, Brienne and Podrick)

Standing with the Knights of the Vale, we have Jaime, Brienne and Podrick, all ready to do some fighting. The show was smart to give them several moments together last episode, showing Jaime and Brienne watching Podrick fight like proud parents, having Brienne act like a mother toward Podrick, having Podrick’s beautiful song of death foreshadowing.

This is going to be a kind of intimate character story in my mind. Where other groups have more face characters, this is principally about Jaime and Brienne and Brienne of Podrick, with Brienne really being the focal point. I expect there to be several close calls and brushes with death as well, and of course, Brienne and Jaime fighting side by side.

Considering how much the show spent on Jaime and Brienne’s relationship last time, I think this is the time that brings their feelings for each other to the forefront. We will see them fight for each other and be willing to die for each other and how they are truly two halves of the same sword (read: soul). I don’t think this will ultimately build to one of them dying tragically (not yet) but rather, it will push them to finally admitting their feelings in the battle aftermath, because they came so close to losing each other and they don’t want to miss their chance.

Moments/Relationships I expect to see: Some HEAVY Jaime/Brienne content, complete with looks that say so much in subtext, throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other, maybe a battle confession (am I hoping too much, yeah probably, but fight me). Brienne and Podrick of course, with Podrick making her proud with fighting. I expect him to save her once too, just like he saved Tyrion in the Blackwater. And I expect Brienne to be ripped apart when he dies and I expect me to cry a lot.

Themes I expect to be explored: Unspoken feelings, bad ass battle couples, facing death with honor and bravery, ‘at least if we die, we die together’.

Possible deaths: RIP Podrick and my soul cause I’m going to cry so much.

Group 5: The Right Flank (Tormund, Davos, Edd, Samwell, the rest of the North) and the center (Greyworm and Jorah)

I put these groups together because I expect them to converge at some point and I expect them to tackle similar themes. This is the corner of soldiers, and the corner of a lot of deaths. We’ve seen all of the characters get a prominent moment and I think this is the place where we see many of them fight for their right to live and die protecting those they love. This is where the beginning of the battle will hit hardest and where we will have some of our first deaths to show us that this is serious.

Undoubtedly, this group will have to retreat, and those who make it back to the walls will probably live. But in the retreat, I expect to see casualties.

Moments/ Relationships I expect to see: Sam and Edd bonding over NIght’s watch stuff one last time, Davos and Tormund wishing each other the best. One last conversation between Greyworm and Jorah about how far they’ve come fighting for Daenerys. It’s notable that Jon and Dany might cross over with this group as some of their oldest friends/allies are here.

Themes I expect to be explored: What it means to be a soldier/knight, what it means to fight even when you know you might die, what happens when your survivor’s luck runs out and a battle finally gets you.

Possible deaths: I put Jorah, Tormund and Edd as the most likely deaths in this group. Greyworm might die, unless Missandei dies, and then he will live to grieve. Davos and Sam will likely be the survivors.

Group 6: The Wild cards (Jon, Daenerys and the dragons)

Jon and Dany are wild cards because, while they start in the same place, I think they are going to end up in very different fights in this war. They will crossover with other groups and, ultimately, their arcs in this battle are the most in shadows because I think something wild is going to happen.

What I do know is that they will spend the first moments of the battle together and will part on bad terms. And, at some point, Jon is going to end up fighting on the ground, MOST LIKELY at the weirwood tree with Bran. Rhaegal might be injured or killed.

The one I am most unsure of is Daenerys who has had approximately one shot of fighting in the preview and it’s her riding Drogon. I know she’s gonna be in the air and that’s about it, so I like the mystery surrounding that part of the battle right now.

Moments/ Relationships I expect to see: Jon and Daenerys, obviously, having a lot of tension over the reveal which might result in plans going HORRIBLY wrong, because Jon that was a BAD TIME to say it! Jon and Bran when Jon inevitably crashes to the ground and fights to defend his little brother. Daenerys possibly seeing Jorah die and having a lot of grief about it.

Themes I expect to be explored: Power vs survival, want vs need, desperate final stands. The weakness of dragons against the winter and the dead

Possible deaths: Rhaegal is a possibility but I think this group is pretty safe for this battle. Not so much with episode five lol.

Woof. Okay, that was a long post. But, regardless, I am getting pretty excited for the episode and pretty nervous for my faves. Can’t wait to cry!

#game of thrones #game of thrones spoilers #daenerys targaryen #jon snow #Sansa Stark #Arya Stark #bran stark #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #brienne of tarth #theon greyjoy #got spoilers

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murasaki-murasame · 5 years ago

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Thoughts on Fruits Basket 2019 Episode 24: “Let’s Go Home”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Thoughts under the cut [and spoiler warning for the whole manga. Also I’m gonna talk way too much about my own life and why I relate so much to this part, so be warned]

Oh boy, where to even begin with this one. The episode I’ve been waiting for pretty much ever since they announced this new adaptation last year.

Right off the bat I should make it clear that I loved and adored this episode and it exceeded my expectations. It was pretty much 100% perfect aside from one bit of awkward animation. But at least from a writing standpoint I dunno how they could have done it better than this.

For one thing, this was a very faithful adaptation of this part of the manga, which already makes it better than the 2001 version of this whole arc. Specifically this episode adapts chapters 32 and 33, plus the first few pages of chapter 34. So it’s pretty much the whole meat of the true form arc, but it’s not like they rushed it all in one episode. I was worried that they might try and cover too much in this episode, but this was a good middle ground between the idea of doing the entire thing in one episode, and stretching the arc into roughly three episodes like the 2001 anime did.

I actually appreciate the 2001 version of this arc more than most people do [though I understand why people with a longer history with the series resent it more], but this was so much better, lmao. I can understand where they were coming from with the 2001 version of it, but they went too far with trying to make it slow and depressing. It just felt way too drawn out in that version, not to mention the various changes to characterization that they did which are really jarring and weird if you’ve read the manga.

Some people might criticize this episode for being too fast, and not taking it’s time to get to the climax more, but it’s at least worth noting that episode 23 was more or less the first episode of this arc. A lot of it was about reminding you of Kyo’s issues, and making it as clear as possible that his secrets and insecurities were about to be brought to light. And then this episode just followed through on that. So it’s not like this arc just came and went in the space of a single episode. Plus there’s the fact that we still have chapter 34 to be adapted in the finale, which is where this arc winds down and we start setting up the rest of the story.

And honestly one part of this episode that I really liked was how slow and atmospheric it was. It was still adapting a little more than two chapters of content, but it felt very deliberately paced, and especially in the first half there were a lot of scenes that felt really tense and gripping because of how the pacing was done.

Mainly I’m thinking of the whole scene of Kazuma confronting Kyo and removing his beads, because holy SHIT that was way more tense and nerve-wracking than I expected it to be. It definitely felt longer than it did in the manga, but I really liked it. They went all in on the atmosphere with that one and it really payed off.

And then of course it ended with Kyo’s transformation scene, where similarly to the 2001 anime, they actually show him transforming instead of us cutting straight to the aftermath of it. I’ve been waiting to see if they’d be able to effectively get across just how viscerally shocking and horrific Kyo’s true form is, and oh boy they sure delivered. I bet most anime-only people weren’t expecting Kyo’s big secret to be THAT, lol. It’s the sorta thing where you naturally go into it thinking ‘surely it’s not gonna be that big of a secret, it’s just something that he THINKS he needs to hide’, but then you actually get to the big reveal and suddenly you realize just how big of a secret it actually is.

In general it’s representative of how this whole arc is where Fruits Basket starts to really show it’s true colours. Technically we don’t see anything quite like Kyo’s true form ever again, but this is where it becomes clear that the story’s not going to hold back with the drama, and that it’s willing to put it’s characters through some real trauma.

It’s still kinda funny that this arc being the end of the 2001 anime lead lots of people to thinking it was the end of the story, when in fact this is pretty much just the START of where things get real. Though it was still a good idea to make this the climax of the first season. It’s definitely the end of the first act of the story, which is even more clear with how the reboot’s been rearranging things. In the manga there’s a sort of transition period between this arc and the summer vacation arc where we get some more character introductions and stuff, but a lot of that’s already been covered in the reboot, so after this it won’t be long before we get into more plot progression.

Before I talk about the emotional weight of this arc and why it means so much to me, I just wanna say that I’m somehow still confused about exactly what the final episode is going to be covering now, lol. We’re definitely getting the rest of chapter 34 next week, but that clearly isn’t going to be the only chapter they cover. The episode title refers to summer starting, but I honestly can’t figure out which exact chapter that line’s being taken from. There’s a surprising amount of different chapters between now and the summer vacation arc where Tohru says stuff about summer coming soon, or already starting, or whatever. So there’s like several different chapters they might be ending this season on, and I can’t really begin to guess which they’re going for.

The obvious choice would be chapter 35, since that follows the immediate aftermath of this arc, but I looked back through that chapter in the manga and I don’t think Tohru says anything about summer during it. At least not that exact line.

I also thought it might be from chapter 48, since the last bit of that chapter would probably be a good way to end season 1 off, but that takes place when summer vacation’s already started, so I don’t think that’s it. Unless they change the context and timing of that part, though. Which is possible. I wouldn’t be too surprised if they basically cut most of chapter 48 for the anime since it’s so filler-y that it might be hard to find room for, so maybe they’ll just transplant the more plot-important part at the end of it into the end of season 1. Who knows.

Either way I think it’s more likely that they’ll just end things off with chapter 35. But I kinda don’t want them to, since it’d be a really good way to start season 2. It serves as a bit of a recap of the true form arc, while setting up some other long-term plot stuff as well. In general I just feel like it might feel jarring to have the last half of the season 1 finale suddenly switch to Yuki’s POV in a way that just raises more questions than answers. I think the end of chapter 48 is a much more fitting way to end the first season since it’s one big teaser for the summer vacation arc as a whole. And honestly even though it’d technically mean jumping forward like 12+ chapters, it’s not really that strange to consider, with how they’ve already covered a good chunk of the gap between chapters 34 and 48, with what I said before about the anime moving a lot of that transition arc to before the true form arc.

Though tbh I also just kinda want to see Rin in the final episode so I don’t have to wait until season 2 for her, lmao.

And since I have far too much time on my hands at the good old time of 11am on a Saturday morning, I decided to comb through my Japanese volumes of the series just to be absolutely sure, and as far as I can tell the line used as the next episode title isn’t actually taken from anywhere from chapters 35 to 48. Which is weird, since I think all of the episode titles have been pretty 1:1 with lines from the manga. The most similar-sounding lines are the ones from places like chapter 48 where Tohru talks about how summer’s starting, but it’s still not quite the same.

So yeah I’m at least hoping it means that ep25 is gonna end on a modified version of the end of chapter 48 where instead of happening at the start of summer, it happens before it, but we still get that whole dramatic monologue from her about how it feels like things are about to start moving. But who even knows at this point.

Anyway, that was far too much of me talking about my predictions for the next episode, lmao.

Back onto this episode itself, I’ve always thought this was my favourite part of the whole manga mostly because it’s the part I relate to the most, to be blunt. Though really it’s more that Kyo’s my favourite character and his entire character arc is great and there’s so many elements to it that I relate to, but this is the most prominent part of it, and it covers a good chunk of what I relate to most about his character. But there’s definitely stuff I’m gonna wait to talk about until way later when certain other parts of his backstory are revealed.

Either way, even though it isn’t exactly the main thing that Kyo’s whole arc is meant to be a metaphor for, I’ve always thought this arc was intensely relatable and realistic to my experiences as a disabled person, especially when it comes to topics like my relationship with my parents, and my own self-perception.

In terms of personality I’m much closer to Yuki than Kyo overall [though not fully], but in terms of life circumstances I’m much closer to Kyo.

I dunno if I’ve talked about it in too much detail anywhere on my blog before, but I was born completely blind and deaf. My condition has improved since then, mostly with my hearing, but I still have enough issues with my vision that on top of wearing glasses I’ve spent the last year or so learning to use a cane to help me get around in public. But one way or another I spend the first few years of my life blind and deaf, and for obvious reasons that had some major impacts on my family, in ways that have had lifelong consequences.

My parents got divorced shortly after I was born, and until I was about 12 I only saw my father once every few weeks, and after that I made the choice to cut myself off from him once and for all. As time’s gone on I’ve gotten more sympathetic toward him, and the stuff he had to deal with on his side of things, but a part of me will never let go of my resentment toward the fact that one way or another he decided that he didn’t want me to be a proper part of his life. I always got the impression that for one reason or another he refused to engage with the fact that I was disabled. He never talked about it with me, and whenever I visited him, he never made any sort of accommodations for me. And I was always too ashamed and nervous to talk about it with him even when I should have.

On the other side of things, my mother is more on the over-protective side of the spectrum. Which I can’t exactly blame her for, since she was left pretty much on her own to raise me when she already had one other child with special needs.

She does her best to be constantly aware of my disabilities and to support me in whatever ways I need, but sometimes it feels like she just pities me. I don’t really know how to put it without sounding selfish or disrespectful.

I think that if she could keep me in her sight at all times and never let me go, she would. I know that she’s just worried about me, but sometimes I worry about what she thinks of me, and what she thinks when other people meet me. But I think that’s more just about me being self-conscious and paranoid about how other people see me.

I can tell that she’s had a lot of struggles with raising me that she’s mostly kept to herself because she doesn’t want me to feel bad, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Part of me’s always worried that there’s a lot of emotions she’s bottling up which will one day explode, and ultimately I just don’t want her to leave me. Even if she doesn’t love every part of me, even if she doesn’t always enjoy the process of raising me, I just want her to be able to stay with me.

And then on the final point of this whole messed up trifecta, you have me and my own self-perception. Which is a whole iceberg of a topic that I’m gonna make no attempt to fully cover, lol.

In terms of how I relate to this whole part of Kyo’s arc, all of my self-consciousness and paranoia about my own status as a disabled person within society that’s been left to fester over the years has lead to me developing this irrational, warped, self-hating idea that at the core of who I am, I’m basically a catatonic vegetable who can’t survive on their own. I always worry about whether or not I ‘look disabled’ to people when I’m in public. I can’t help but worry about people see when they look at me. So in my own way I’ve developed this image of myself being some kind of hideous monster which I have to avoid people seeing. It feels like if people see the ‘true me’, they’d be disgusted, and so I try and act as normal as possible, while avoiding interacting with people as much as I can.

So you can probably get why the whole true form arc here kinda strikes a chord with me, lmao. It’s just such a raw and visceral depiction of the feeling of being exposed and made vulnerable in a way that shows everyone everything that’s wrong with you. But it’s also a representation of the sort of genuine, unconditional connection that you secretly want when you’re in that sort of situation. It’s not really about love or hate. It’s just about not wanting to be abandoned over something that you can’t even change.

In a lot of ways this arc is also why I love Tohru so much as a character, and why I think she’s so interesting. Her whole relationship with Kyo feels like a really realistic exploration of the fundamental anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve true love and acceptance, that you’re asking for too much if you want that, and that anyone who gives you that is just ‘too perfect’, and they’re just pitying you, or whatever. But at the end of the day, their whole relationship is about how you always do deserve love, and that there’ll always be at least someone out there who will properly accept you. And on top of all that, there’s the fact that love isn’t a simple matter of just saying that you love someone and ignoring anything unpleasant about them or your own feelings. Love is a choice that you have to keep making.

Which is part of why I always felt annoyed and disillusioned at the idea that my father still loved me at the end of the day, in spite of everything. I can admit that for all intents and purposes that’s true, but it ultimately feels fake and hollow if you say that you love someone even when you hold them at arm’s length and choose to stay away from them.

On a more specific note, this arc in particular also touches upon the whole idea of physical contact and intimacy, which has always really resonated with me. In general the whole concept of ‘turning into an animal when you hug someone’ is used to surprisingly poignant effect across the whole series, and this is one of the best examples of it. The image of Kyo as a cat laying on Tohru’s lap and crying always gets to me.

And honestly, I think that the absence of physical contact can be one of the most painful signs of abandonment, especially to a child. It can make you feel alone even when you’re in the same room as that person. I distinctly remember that my father’s relative lack of physical affection with me was always one of the things that made me feel most uncomfortable and unwanted when I visited him. At this point I know that it was probably more about his personality in general, since he was a fairly closed-off person with everyone, but it still hurt.

What I’m trying to say is that everyone has a fundamental, primal desire to be hugged by somebody that loves them, which is why I like that that’s the big emotional climax of this arc. I actually prefer it this way, to if it we got a more conventional kiss scene or whatever.

Also I just wanna point out that literally one episode ago Kyo was being all tsundere about not wanting Tohru to hold him in his cat form and LOOK HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED NOW, CAT BOY :)

Yes, you better believe that I’ve been hugging my own cat whenever possible ever since I finished this episode, lmao. Everyone should go hug a cat. It doesn’t even have to be one you own, just go out and find one to hug, lol.

Anyway I’m one giant emotional wreck after this episode so I’m gonna go take a nap. See y’all next week when we have to face the even greater emotional pain of being faced with the wait for season 2 to come out.

#murasaki rambles #fruits basket #this episode really went and came for my life huh

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