#i love having two timelines in my head. one where he stays as two brains and the other where he de-fuses with squeaky

[nomoretumbler]

this happens 3 times a week btw (he never looks into it later).

[quietwingsinthesky]

everything about the Uriel & Castiel confrontation scene is also designed specifically to murder me

[b0nten]

BLUEBELLS, YOURS TRULY.

[SYNOPSIS] ˚⁀➷｡ albeit rarely, rindou overthinks, and frequently, ran doesn’t think too much.

[NOTES] ˚⁀➷｡ this is like the “backstory” for the ring. MAYBE i’ll turn it into a multiple part. i also put it in the timeline where everyone is happy because i really love everyone being friends. wrote it because rays’s version destroyed me !!!!!!!!!!!

he spins the ring on his finger. he slides it off. he looks at it. he lets it hang from his neck, on the chain. he sighs.

“now what the hell is up with you?” barging in, ran asks. “who shat in your cereal every morning for the past two weeks?” he says, opening the kitchen cupboard to take — funny enough — some cereal out.

“i’m not in the mood, ran.” his younger brother spits back, head falling against the wooden table.

“hey now, there’s something really wrong with you if you’re acting like .. this.” pointing at him, he sits down, fat bowl of cereal clashing against the dark block, spilling some milk onto it. “now, spill.” with mouth full, he tries to choke out the words, spoon in his brothers face the moment he gulps down the first mouthful.

“you’re gross sometimes.” rindou just sighs, looking away.

“what’s with the ring?” ignoring the insult, the lanky haitani just continues his questioning. “by the way, the blue doesn’t look that bad on you.”

“it’s mine, and i got a matching one for y/n.” the other explains, “thanks, by the way. it was her idea to dye it like this.”

“you wanna propose to her?” his older brother asks, chewing loudly. “y’know we’re still just teenagers?”

“no shit, big head.” rolling his eyes, rindou feels the exasperation dig its roots deeper into his brain. “i’m not proposing. yet. but i don’t know if i should give it to her.” he finally says, letting ran in on his worries.

“and why not? what’s that? cartier, right?”

“no brand can escape your gaze, you’re really unbelievable.”

“thanks, bro, love you too.” as he swallows his last spoonful, ran winks.

“not in a good way.” the younger sibling announces, earning a displeased look from his brother.

“now you’re the annoying one. fuck’s going with you two?” ran finally snaps, trying not look worried. after all, he loves his brother, but they don’t do that kind of talking.

“she’s leaving next week” rindou finally manages to choke out.

“what? what do you mean?” his brother asks, taken aback by the sudden information.

“her student visa’s expired. she’s gotta go back home until gets it renewed.”

it pains him to even think about it. he hasn’t eaten in almost fourteen days, ever since he found out. but what pains him even more is how excited you are about going back home. about going away from him.

he thinks it’s selfish, because he knows how much you’ve missed your parents and how much you’ve waited for a holiday that’s long enough to return.

“if the flights take four days in total and i want to stay for two weeks, then i’d rather not go anymore.” you always said. “i want to spend as much time as possible, without having to rush anything, y’know?

but maybe sometimes love is all about being selfish, loving someone with your whole heart. maybe he wants to never let you leave without him. maybe he can’t let you leave without him because he can’t stand not being an 8 minute subway ride away from you.

“don’t tell me you got some of those control issues, the pretty tiktok girls say they’re not cute at all…” ran comments, dodging an uppercut by a mere second.

“can you take me seriously for once? i think she wants to break up with me, she called me over today saying we have to talk.” rin frowns, blond-blue bangs covering his tired eyes. “i shouldn’t have believed that tiktok reading that said good news are coming my way.”

“you’re so fucking dumb, lord have mercy.”

“excuse me, ran?”

“you’re excused. let’s get this straight: does it really matter to you wether she’s oceans away or in meguro? what do you think she’s gonna do, break up with you only to return in three months and see you everywhere? do you really think y/n’s that kind of girlfriend? throw away three years BECAUSE OF A VISA?! fuck outta here with that insecure crap, rin. i raised you better than that.”

on the inside, ran smiles. oh, how he loves knocking sense into his younger brother. truly the best activity.

“now go and talk to her.”

rindou hesitates.

“i won’t say it nicely the second time around.” the older one threatens, and rindou jolts up from his chair and bolts through the door, house slippers still on, door wide open. before ran can say anything else, rindou’s voice echoes from the staircase into the kitchen:

“i’ll buy a new pair when i get back, don’t start bitching, please! i’ve got a girl i have to convince not to break up with me!”

his older brother laughs as he pulls out his phone.

sister in law

(16:22) he’s on his way.

then, a ping fills the empty space.

sister in law

(16:23) already talked to mikey. everything’s going great.

(16:23) love you, big head

(16:23)🫰

maybe ran’s not gonna tell you the reason rindou is running like a maniac through minato ward right now.

ugh, is his head really that big?

tagging: @h4nman BECAUSE YOU MADE ME CRY😡😡😡 ; @sirachano0dles <3 i might start a taglist if i make this into a multiple part fic?!?

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #16

Wiggity what's up my fellow book clubbers, today we're taking a look at the ethics of treating artificially made intelligent lifeforms as second class citizens and what the qualifying factors are to determine a being as truly "sentient" and deserving of basic social rights. And by that I mean we're reading PKNA #12: Second Draft which is a comic where nothing bad happens!

This post is LOOONG btw.

okay we're just gonna start off our comic as normal and-

WOAH who's this handsome young devil in his little fancy suit??? What's that? Head of Ducklair Industries?..... yeah sure that makes sense I think.

Everett Ducklair 🤢🤢🤢 get a job stay away from him. Also this is a really nice way of saying you had to stop him from being overtaken by insane homicidal tendencies and putting guns in all his inventions btw

Haha woah what was that. Did the fabric of reality just tear for a second there or did my ADHD meds just kick in. Probably just me.

MASTER Donald???..... I don't even think I can write out the jokes I wanna make here they're too inappropriate for this blog sorry. But also what the fuck.

Uno stop mothering maybe I WANT to get frostbite and lose all my fingers

Not to take a sudden side tangent here but is this supposed to be like, a good thing? Don't the other seasons exist for a reason? I always thought fall and winter were meant to be like a cleansing period, they bring balance to the two other hotter seasons. If it's eternally spring, do some plants just never die? Are animals ALWAYS in the breeding season? Today we're going to overanalyze this one concept in an essay where-

OH MY GOD IT'S ODIN wait nevermind hiii Odin hiiiii. what's lookin good cookin. I mean- shit. fuck. shit.

I'm kind of obsessed with the way Odin is drawn in this comic. His whole body is all wiggly like a bendy straw. His stances go crazy.

gayass

Guys ever since I made that post about Odin's outfits and noticed that he's barefoot here it's been haunting me. Like it might just be a coloring error in this panel but also... why'd he take his shoes off. Also sorry for immediately revealing that it's Odin but um uhh I totally don't know who the OTHER cloaked figure is.

girlll you're giving away the game SHUT YOUR MOUTH

TWO Lylas?!?!?!

I'm loving Donald's shock lmao bro is fucking flabberghasted

This picture is so fucking silly bro. Nooo you can't put Odin in jail, he has such a nice suit on :(

Donald getting offended on Uno's behalf, not knowing that Uno is literally sitting right behind him. SURELY he'll figure it out eventually right.

Omg guys it's Geena!!! Remember Geena? From Portrait of the Young Hero? Anyways she has a gun now

Way to go Donald, you showed her basic empathy for like 2 panels and it gave her an actual sense of self value and NOW she thinks she deserves rights 🙄 she's gonna Detroit Become Human up in this bitch

beaming you with my evil lasers. what if he just fucking fried her brains here I think it would've been funny

Oh that's. probably bad.

ohhhh noooo.....

OOOOHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok so bad news, Geena fucking exploded and her droid rebellion is presumably over. The GOOD news though is that droids are destined to get their rights anyways, just in a less violent manor than in the timeline Geena had started. So... I guess that's a win?

Disappears in a cloud of beautiful sunset smoke... Goodbye Odin 👋

Donald. Please. DONALD.

Okay so there's a LOT to say about this comic (so much that I kept hitting the image limit and having to make edits to my post to make it more concise) but if I could summarize it into one word: damn. Like I'm just kinda sad now.

The whole concept of "do robots deserve to be treated like human beings" is a common argument to explore, we've seen it in all kinds of media before. The ethics that get touched on in this comic are nothing new, but I can't help but find this comic incredibly interesting to read in the year 2024. Maybe in 1997 the idea of robots integrating into our society seemed like a far-off concept, but in present day the ever-growing integration of AI technology really makes this chapter feel a little more close to home.

I mean, it's easy to be like "yeah, well of course the droids deserve to be treated like people." I mean, Lyla and Odin are droids, and we like Lyla and Odin! Odin is literally so lifelike that people don't even KNOW he's a droid. But I can't help but think about how this all ties back to the current ongoing debates surrounding the usage of AI, and specifically AI-made content. Obviously the AI we currently have is nowhere near the level of the characters in this series (chatGPT fucking WISHES it was Uno) but there's really interesting debates to be made here.

What qualifying factors determine whether or not a living being is deserving of the same rights we humans give to ourselves? Is it being biological? I mean, there are literally millions of types of animals on our planet, but we don't even treat them with the same level of respect we give to ourselves. So, is it intelligence? If we were to create a computer with the intelligence level of a living, breathing human person, would they be entitled to basic "human" rights? HELL IF I KNOW.

I love the way this comic handles exploring this topic. Geena isn't WRONG for wanting more, she's wrong in the way she went about it. Going as far as to literally alter the course of spacetime only further complicated things, for her AND for the other droids. Had Geena instead devoted her energy into droid advocacy in the modern day, things may have gone differently. This story isn't the end of droids getting rights, but it is unfortunately the end of Geena.

We ended on a happy note, but overall this story is a pretty melancholic one. Especially that whole "only machines can be rebuilt" like DAMN.

Anyways that's enough media analysis for today, time to take off my smart thinking hat and go back to being generally kinda stupid. I'm not gonna add anything about Angus Tales here at the end because I already hit the image limit lol. Umm shoutout to Angus Fangus for having like 110 parking tickets. Idiot.

[wangxianficrecs]

💙 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark

💙 Stunted, Starving Juvenility

by TomatenMark (@tomatenmark5)

E, WIP, 686k, Wangxian

Summary: At sixteen Wei Wuxian is—through some strange twist of fate, or a nick in the layer between parallel universes, who knows—out of the blue confronted with that one incense burner dream one night. While his curious mind is left unable to stop poking at this new perspective on Lan Wangji, circumstances in the Cloud Recesses begin to change and Wei Wuxian is suddenly presented with life-altering opportunities. Maybe Gusu isn’t so bad after all? (Or alternatively: The fic where I get to give Wei Wuxian the academic scholarship he deserves while simultaneously getting him hitched early on.) Kay's comments: Honestly, if you haven't heard of this fic yet, then you've probably lived under a rock this past year, haven't you? It's definitely The Fic™ and has been for a while now and it's already been recommended a few times by followers already, but I need to give it a personal shout-out as well, because I adore this story. It's living rent-free in my brain and despite already having more than 600k words, I re-read it like every other month and never get tired of it. One of the highlights is definitely TomatenMark's incredible attention to detail. Something will get mentioned once in chapter five and ten chapters later it'll suddenly be a major plot point. I also really adore the numerous characters TomatenMark has added to the story, they are all working so beautifully in the story and I find myself caring for them very much! As for the plot, it's basically a Cloud Recesses canon-divergence where WangXian get together and get married during the lectures and it kickstarts a canon-divergence that looks much better than the original timeline while also staying true to the characters and not sugarcoating things. If you haven't already, you should definitely check this story out! Excerpt: “I regard Lan Zhan highly,” he tried to reassure and Lan Xichen interestedly hummed, prompting him to add, “If I ever make him unhappy in some way I’d be the first to beat myself up over it.” Lan Xichen nodded and twinkled at him but Wei Wuxian didn’t dare to relax. “You seem to be quite dedicated,” the other noted. “And Wangji seems to return the sentiment given how he returned without any protection from the storm when I was quite sure I had seen him leave with his coat that afternoon.” “Ah. Er, yeah, Lan Zhan was so kind as to lend it to me when it started to rain,” Wei Wuxian explained, feeling on edge from the other’s roundabout way of hinting at something Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure he was even knowingly hinting at. “However, I have noticed that your neck was quite bruised when you returned, Wei-gongzi,” Lan Xichen went on. Wei Wuxian’s head snapped up from where he had held it politely lowered before. Lan Xichen’s eyes were overflowing with mirth. He definitely knew what he was hinting at!! “I hope you two didn’t get into a fight?” the Lan sect heir innocently mused and Wei Wuxian felt his resolve break. “Zewu-jun, please don’t torture me like this,” he begged.

pov wei wuxian, canon divergence, cloud recesses study arc, sunshot campaign, getting together, falling in love, first time, first kiss, developing relationship, period-typical homophobia, kink exploration, fluff and angst, cultivation sect politics, genius wei wuxian, inventor wei wuxian, marriage, minor character death, scheming nie huaisang, burning of the cloud recesses, wei wuxian has a family, bad parent jiang fengmian, top lan wangji, bottom wei wuxian

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[extravagantliar]

veilguard spoilers ahead - as it has been fifteen days and Knife time

I haven't been explicit with the words, even though y'all know my thoughts.

I am glad he's dead. Oh my God.

NOW ONLY WE the people CAN FUCK WITH HIM

I cried like a baby the first thirty minutes because Tepid got the first run, and I will tell you this: Tepid said wait, hold on, but as soon as Solas opened his big mouth, I was like yep, he's cooked, put me in the ground too.

Let's briefly break it down to explain why I clocked it in as the knife went in. Peepaw is fifty-one— at most fifty-two at the start of datv, and he chooses to walk up a set of stairs and get into a hand fight with a man with a loaded gun. One, he's not that strong anymore. Rook helped him up over a barrier - which can be chalked up to being nice, but if we're playing in this sand box here's the truth - peepaw has been on a horse and walking around Thedas because Charter said so and is not in great shape at the start of DATV. He's tired, and this is an exhausted man's last march; you can call it if you listen and hear Varric ask Rook to take care of the team. Okay, Phil Coulson, see you in Agents of Shield for some reason.

To be honest with you Varric could have taken Solas in a fight in the middle of DAI - but to me that stops at the well.

Solid delivery and diabolical, very few notes. I love the elves, but I hate the skirting they get. Solas I am kissing you on your big bald dumb head, there are at least four ways around what you have to do and I love that you pick the messiest way each time. My favourite ending for him is the one where he goes a bit loony toon villain at the end. I get he was mad, but it's the same thing as the blood magic line; I listened to your funny words in Haven, magic man; I know who you are. Maybe. You're the star of the show. You're awful and the worst. Cried like a baby when Tepid's Inky and Solas chose to go to fade jail together.

I liked all the companions, but you can guess who I was most happy to have in the party at all times. Banter was good, I wish the team had more time to bicker and grow, but that's a me thing. Shorter timeline for this game than the last three - likely weeks or months rather than months and years.

However, I do not personally like the way Varric's death was handled outside of this. It makes my former little medical brain go mad because what do you mean your companions are just off letting Rook talk to what I assume is a table and a bed as Bianca is canonically in Harding's care - as the Xenon wants to buy her arms even in pieces. My dude, Rook, is so massively concussed. As I have had a concussion that should have killed me - someone should have been watching Rook a touch closer. Also, my gripe with DAI and having Inky wake up on a bedroll to the four idiots fighting in the snow, and then Sunday School breaks out.

I know what is happening here, and I understand why they wrote it this way as Phil Coulson'd him into the lauder of Heroes in the Great Big Sky. The good thing is I can be critical of their choices, KNOW why they made them due to pressures from EA, and then carry on with my boat.

I am fine with his death, I think it's apt as they couldn't keep all the choices, and Blabbermouth knows like everyone. Catch the one string to Rook? POWER IMBALANCE.

So what does this mean for me?

Nothing.

This blog is here to stay - and my swerve verse is simple. If you want a DATV verse, great. Peepaw is alive, and he's got a massive hunk of lyrium in his chest, or he's rattling around with Solas saying shitty things because they're stuck, and he's about to either commit a crime or figure out if he can be the crime committed.

Also, doubling down, I have built six years of Kirkwall, and I'm sinking with that ship. I'm taking Sid and Nik with me, and that's it.

Sorry.

[rain-lavender-rain]

Stay

Warnings: None. Use of Y/N, described as female character. No proofed/beta-read.

Word Count: 740

For background: As far as what was in my brain with the timeline of all this, the story happens after Civil War, but after Bucky comes out of cryo, but its before Infinity War... in my brain, there's a period where he is hiding outside of Wakanda for a bit.

She sat, drinking a warm cup of coffee while waiting for Bucky to return from the market. Y/N offered to go this morning, but the man insisted she stay in the comfort of the bed. This living space was one of the nicer ones, equipped with a sizable bed that was warm, and a blanket that wasn't thin. The two had stayed in it since the being on the run from the government, after she helped Steve get Bucky to Wakanda.

After hiding for a while, Bucky and Y/N had decided to split with Steve and Natasha for a more quiet, lowkey, (but still in hiding) lifestyle for a time. The two had enjoyed every moment of peace. Their hearts inevitably, became closer too; pulled together like a boat on the waves, washed upon the shore.

Looking out the window at the quiet street, Y/N reminisced on a conversation had a few months ago.

"We could go anywhere. Maybe a small village, but close enough to a station where we could go if needed," he suggested.

"Yeah, but it has to be large enough where people won't question why we are there, or get overly suspicious ..." she schemed.

"And it needs to have a market, but I'd rather not go back to Romania. Europe is fine though, preferable actually." He replied.

She smiled at that one, looking at a map displayed splayed out on the wooden table as her eyes studied the landscape.

"How about Germany? Staufen, Germany?" Y/N said, with an excited grin. Bucky matched her grin with a glint of adoration in his eyes...

(End of flashback)

Watching the quiet street, and warming her hands around the mug she was holding, Y/N's heart dropped. Bucky was walking quickly towards their apartment, but his demeanor was carved with panic, maybe a sort of desperation, an acceptance almost. As she set down her mug, the man came barreling through through the door, headed straight for the cabinet under the sink.

"Bucky? What's going on?" She asked frantically.

"I'm being followed. I should have enough time. Threw them off my trail so they won't follow you here. You'll be safe. I already called Steve and asked him to pick you up." This was all said as he grabbed a backpack under the sink, as well as a gun hidden above the cabinets.

"Hold on, hold on. Who's following you- where are you going'"

"I think its Hydra okay? Steve will come get you. You'll be fine-" He tried to reason.

"No! NO! You don't get to just walk out the door- after everything we've been through together, you can't just leave-"

Bucky looked at her, his heart clenching, impulse traveling through his blood. One look at her was all it took for him to break just a little.

"Please don't make this harder than it already is. Please-" Desperation and brokenness from his mouth shifted the tide.

"I love you." She cut in, right after Bucky had grabbed the door handle.

That stopped him dead on his feet, his face to the ground. Every possible emotion capsized his original plan. Anguish, pain, guilt... disbelief at her confession.

She walked towards him, setting a hand on his shoulder. "James-"

Y/N was cut off by his lips against her own, where flowers bloomed upon the ground as the two met in loves embrace. It was over all too soon.

"That's why I have to leave- I can't let you get hurt." Bucky said, his eyes closed. He didn't want to see the tears he knew would be in Y/N's eyes.

"You're hurting me more than anyone ever could by leaving." That statement made him stop again, instead of walking out the door like his plan was half a second before.

"Ask me to come. Ask me to stay with you. If we can't stay here, I'll follow you. I'll stay with you anywhere."

His breaths came out in short waves, fighting a battle to keep her safe, but following his own selfish ambitions for love, and to give into her requests. Bucky would fold a thousand times over for the person who knew how he liked his coffee, and would try to make a plum pie on his birthday, who held him on his darkest nights, and ultimately, held his heart too.

Pulling the other backpack off the coat hanger by the door, Bucky took a moment, eyes shutting before the blue's sparkled with spoken love.

"Stay. Stay with me."

[portgasddom]

@rachelborg653 (Pinterest)

A/N: Hi Y’all! This is my first time posting on this platform. ☺️ I carried this over from Ao3. Before anyone corrects the timeline or wrongful events. I wrote this wayyyyy before the season came out and before I finished the manga. I was all in my feels. I hope you all enjoy it. 💛

~~ Kyojuro’s Dream ~~

‘Why am I here?’ While moving his hands, his right one gently tapped his sword. ‘Right, to report to my father about becoming a Hashira.’

His father was laying on his bed facing away from his son. The shoji to his fathers room was open so the fresh air filled the room. Shinjuro stayed reading a journal not acknowledging his son that sat near him. Kyojuro’s clammy hands rested on his legs and with his signature smile Kyojuro told his father everything.

“So what if you become a Hashira.. Worthless.. It means nothing… you'll still never amount to anything .. Neither you nor I.” His father’s words hurt him more than anything. Deciding to not push the subject, Kyojuro bowed and left his father’s room. The Rengoku estate was a beautiful place. A place that was once was filled with much laughter. A place where love was felt in every room. This house was an empty shell of what it once was.

“Brother..!” Senjuro, his little brother, opened the door to his room to meet him. “Did your news make.. father happy? I hope when... I become a hashira that father will acknowledge me as well.”

“Senjuro to be honest he was not happy.. He said that it meant nothing.. Even so, that will not extinguish my passion .. this flame in my heart burns strong.. I’ll never lose faith… “ Kyojuro kneeled in front of his brother and still with a bright smile on his face he gripped his brother’s smaller hands. “Listen Senjuro keep this firmly in mind… you have an older brother.. A brother who believes in you… whatever path you take you’re going to become a fine man.. Just keep that burning passion inside your heart… let's both do our best….. No matter how lonely it gets.”

Senjuro had tears streaming down his face as he took in his brother's words. Kyojuro’s heart broke at how broken his brother looked. The elder Rengoku held his arms open as Senjuro embraced him in a tight hug.

“I’ll make sure he turns into a fine man, Kyo.” And there you were. His flame.

Senjuro’s head quickly turned in Kyojuro’s embrace and his face lit up like the sun lit up the sky. “Nii-San!” Kyojuro felt the flames within his heart go ablaze as he saw his little brother run to the love of his life… his wife.

“Hello my little firecracker.” His wife embraced Senjuro as she combed her finger through his flamed color hair. Her beautiful eyes made her way to Kyojuro. “And Hello to you too my Love.”

Kyojuro stood from where he kneeled and made his way to the two. His red and yellow irises bore into her own red hues. It was as if her eyes were calling him to her. Senjuro moved his face from her belly to look at his brother with a big smile on his face. Kyojuro’s heart felt like it was going to explode at the smiles his wife and brother had while looking at him. His purpose to keep fighting stood right in front of him.

“They’re being extra active today brother!” As if Kyojuro’s smile couldn’t get any bigger. He cupped his wife’s swollen abdomen and felt his children kick against his hand. Senjuro made room so his brother could feel his nieces or nephews move within his sister in law.

“My flames…My loves!” Kyojuro shouted enthusiastically. His wife and brother giggled from his cheerful personality. Underneath the blue sky within The Rengoku estate, Kyojuro held his brother, his wife, and his children. He was at his happiest.

.

..

.

Wails then filled the room. No longer was he outside in the yard of The Rengoku Estate but now he was within their room at the Butterfly Mansion. Kyojuro’s heart felt like it was on fire as tears started pooling in his eyes. His wife, sweaty and tired, had the brightest smile on her face while holding his two children.. His two sons. Tanjuro and Sanjuro Rengoku. His little flames were a spitting image of him. The flames in his heart grew twice in size that day. He held both his sons in his arms and despite having a smile on his face his tears still fell. They were his home.

.

..

.

“Come home to us my love….”

.

..

.

Kyojuro was in excruciating pain. He was kneeled in the surrounding field from where the train derailed. His body was done. The hole within his stomach was not something he could fix on his own. No breathing technique would be able to help his predicament he was in. It was his time… he knew it. He just wasn’t ready for it. The flames within his soul were slowly burning out and he was okay with it. He protected the weak with the strength he was gifted with. Kyojuro kept his promise he made to his mother all those years ago. It hurt so much though. His wife, children, and Senjuro’s smiles played in his mind as he remembered the memories he shared with them.

Tanjiro , the boy he promised to train, was crying near him. He could empathize with the boy. He remembers the tears he shed for the lives that were lost in his lifetime.

“Come here lad. Let us speak one last time.” Kyojuro needed to speak his words before his time came to an end. Tanjiro made his way to the Hashira and kneeled before him.

“When I was dreaming of the past… There was something I remembered . My old residence… you should go pay it a visit.” Kyojuro stopped staring at the ground and focused on the young boy's eyes. “There are notes left by the previous flame Hashira there. I recall my father used to read them often but I’m afraid I don’t know their content myself.” The rays from the sun surrounded Kyojuro and the demon's hand that was embedded in his stomach was slowly dissinerating. He continued to speak despite blood now seeping from the now opened wound. “Within those notes you might find the dance you mentioned…. The Hinokami Kagura.”

Tanjiro let out more cries as he didn’t want Kyojuro to speak any more, just so he could save his energy… just so he could prevent the inevitable. His time was coming and he could feel it. The pain was becoming numb and he could no longer feel his arms.

“Very soon I’ll be dead. Before that happens I need you to hear me out. I have a younger brother named Senjuro.. Please tell him to follow his heart and walk down the path he feels is right.. And tell my father that I want him to look after himself.” Krojuro’s eyes filled with tears as he choked up the next words. “Tell my wife and children.. That I love them. My flames… always burned for them.”

The news of the Flame Harashi having a family tore a new hole in Tanjiro’s heart. The older Kamado envisioned scenarios where Kyojuro is playing with his children or training them. He envisioned Kyojuro embracing his wife one last time before leaving the house. Tears kept spilling out of his eye because he knew… He knew what it was like losing a father. Inosuke was shaking while holding his swords, refusing to speak a word that might ruin the moment.

“And lastly about your sister. Know that I believe in her. I accept her as part of our ranks. Your sister shed blood to protect the people inside that train from demons and anyone who does that , regardless of what is said to the contrary, is a rightful member of the Demon Slayer Core.” Tanjiro was shaking before Kyojuro. Talking was becoming a challenge but Kyojuro needed the young slayer to hear his words. “So hold your head high.. If you are feeling disheartened, that you are somehow not enough set your heart ablaze. Dry your eyes and look ahead.. You may feel like digging your heels in but the flow of time waits for no one. It won’t patiently stand by as you grieve.”

Kyojuro’s voice was becoming hoarse. His body felt heavy and he was quickly losing feeling in other parts. The time was near and it secretly scared him. “Don’t feel bad that I’m going to die. As a Hashira it is natural I protect you all. The young buds must be allowed to bloom. Any other Hashira would’ve done the same as I. Young Kamado, Young Boar, and boy of yellow you must continue to grow and eventually you will end your aid by becoming the next Hashira. I believe in every one of you.”

His words caused the younglings to cry more but they were words that needed to be said. He needed them to know that he was proud. Kyojuro’s vision started to get blurry trying to maintain eye contact with Young Kamado. As his vision worsened, looking over Tanjiro’s shoulder Kyojuro saw his mother. She was as beautiful as ever. Tears that were pooled in his eyes were now streaming down his face.

“Mother, did I do well?.... The responsibility I-I took upon myself to fulfill.. Was I successful?”

“ I am so proud of you, my son. “ His mother’s smile gave him the closure he needed and he couldn’t help but smile. He trusted Tanjiro and his friends to take care of his family, most importantly his children. He was okay. He was ready. Kyojuro closed his eyes and embraced his fate.

“I’ll watch over you, my flames…”

Cries from the young slayers could be heard from miles away. The pain each of them felt was evident in their screams. Miles away Kyojuro’s wife felt a painful sting in her chest while tears cascaded down her face. “ K-Kyo….”

.

..

.

It had been a few days since the incident with the Mugen Train. A few days since they lost their friend and teacher. Tanjiro, Nezuko, Inosuke, and Zenita were on their way to the Rengoku residence. Inosuke and Tanjiro refused to stop until they were face to face with the former Hashira’s family. They wanted to apologize, to beg for forgiveness.

“Do you think she will be mad?” Zenitsu could help but ask.

“I-I am not sure.”

Inosuke throughout the trip had been awfully quiet. Tanjiro and Zenitsu believe it was his way of grieving… so they just let him be. In truth they were all grieving in their own way. Zenitsu took on carrying Nezuko to find some comfort in the girl. Tanjro kept repeating the words Mr. Rengoku told him from their last conversation. He couldn’t help but carry the guilt of knowing there was a family without a father because he wasn’t strong enough.

Pink petals were soon blowing through the roadway leading up to The Rengoku Estate. It was an ethereal sight. Cherry blossom tree petals continued to litter the ground as the winds blew through them. Inosuke, who was leading the group, abruptly stopped in place. Tanjiro, who was a step behind him, slammed into his back.

“Inosuke what's wr--... “ It was then three sets of eyes landed on a short boy with blonde and red hair sweeping the grounds outside of the gate. It was like looking at Mr. Rengoku again. Tanjiro started tearing up. Every emotion hit him at once while looking at the younger brother of the former Hashima. Pain. Grief. Guilt. Failure.

No matter how they felt they needed to do this. It was one of Mr. Rengoku’s last wishes.

Sucking in a death breath to steady his aching heart. Tanjiro made the first steps towards Senjuro. The increasing footsteps are what caught the young boy's attention. His red and yellow irises eyed the trio as they stood before him. His face quickly fell as he noticed the Demon Slayer Uniform. Grief was completely consuming Tanjiro the more he looked at Senjuro. He tried to spit out the words he practiced saying whenever he saw the boy.. But the words were stuck in his throat as tears continued to fall. Senjuro understood his pain as tears started pooling in his own eyes.

“W-We came to fulfill Mr. Rengoku’s last request.” Tanjiro finally managed to spit out.

“I know what happened. Well... I was briefly told what had happened.” Senjuro choked on his words. “Are you guys okay?”

That question didn’t settle well with any of the boys as they all started crying. Senjuro tried his best to calm the situation but to no avail, the boys kept apologizing.

“Senji!!” A little voice put a halt to their tearful apologies. All eyes focused on a little boy running towards them, from further into the estate came another Kyojuro look alike. He looked no more than three to four years old. Like Sejuro and Kyojuro he had yellow, red hair and bug eyes to match.

“Yes, Tanjuro?” Instead of answering his uncle the little boy eyed the trio with a big smile on his face. The image itself pinched their hearts because it was just like looking at Kyojuro smiling even in his final moment.

“I like your mask.” Little sparkles came from Inosuke due to the complement.

“Where’s Sanjuro?”

“He’s with mom.” Tanjuro gasped and smiled big. “I remember now! Mom is calling for you, Senji.”

Senjuro sighed and looked at the trio. “You guys are welcome to come in. I’ll prepare tea for everyone.”

“Tea! Tea! Tasty! Tasty!” Tanjuro ran around Senjuro as he walked towards the estate.

Zenistu was still in tears as the trio followed Senjuro. “Mr. Rengoku was saying the same thing!!”

Before they could enter the estate, the group heard a boisterous voice. “This is Tasty!! Thank you Mother!” The little boy traveling with them laughed. “That’s Sanjuro! Come on! Come on!” Tanjuro pulled on Senjuro’s hand towards where his brother was at.

Tanjiro’s keen sense of smell picked up on the different scents that were in the area of the estate. The boy picked up the scents of the people within the building. Most importantly he could smell the love Kyojuro left behind.. It filled every crack of the structure. The scent engulfed Tanjiro as if it was welcoming him in. As if it was welcoming them further in the place Kyojuro called home. Senjuro led them to a room that was closest to the back yard. The wooden door was open so the cool breeze could flow through. In the middle of said room was a female with brown hair and burgundy eyes. Her face was full of pure adoration as her gaze was on the little boy who was the exact clone of his father. In this area Tanjiro noticed Kyojuro’s scent was the strongest, it consumed the room. Was Kyojuro leading him here? Was this where he wanted him to be?

The little boy eating turned his head towards the group when they made their presence known. Sanjuro, who was walking with Senjuro, ran towards his mother and brother. Kyojuro’s wife smiled at the group as she situated her sons.

“Hello. My name is (Y/N).” Her smile melted every resolve the group had. “These are my boys Tanjuro and Sanjuro. It’s hard to tell them apart at first… but the more you get to know them the easier it is.” She stood from the table and welcomed them in. “Come on in and eat. Your journey must’ve been long and stressful.”

Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu couldn't withhold the determination they built as they all bowed before the former Hashira’s wife.

“We’re sorry!.. W-We’re so very sorry.” Tanjiro could see his tears wet the soil below him. “I-If only I wasn’t injured… or if I could’ve got up faster.. I-I --” He stopped when he felt her warm palm comb through his hair.

“Don’t apologize my sweet boy. My husband died doing what he loved.” (Y/N)’s eyes glazed over despite having a smile on her face. “He had this belief that if you were born strong you had the duty to protect the weak. You four saved all those people on that train.”

Inosuke was trying to bury his head in the ground so no one could see the tears that were spewing from his eyes. Zenitsu laid face down crying his eyes out. Did they deserve this forgiveness? How was she able to smile through this?

“He told me to come here..” Tanjiro tried to clear the ball in his throat. “.. H-He told me to come here to tell you that he loves you and his children… and that his flames burned for you all.”

“That silly man. I will always have proof of his love right here.” (Y/N) looked at her twin boys who were smiling at the group. Tanjiro lifted his head and focused intently on Senjuro.

“Mr. Rengoku also told me to look for you. To tell you to follow your heart and to walk down the path you believe is right!” Senjuro’s eyes softened. His older brother was still looking out for him.. Like he promised he would. His red, yellow eyes moved towards the soft burgundy ones watching him. “I don’t want to follow in my big brother’s footsteps. I am not strong enough to even get a color change on my blade but I could do other things to help people!”

“All Kyojuro ever wanted was for you to be happy, my little flame… and to grow into a wonderful man.” Senjuro was reduced to tears at her words.

“That’s okay uncle!” Tanjuro stood from where he sat at the table, Sanjuro following suit. The identical twins had their arms crossed with the biggest smiles on their faces. “Well be the next flame Hashiras!”

Tanjiro's eyes widened as he swore he saw Kyojuro standing behind his boys with his identical smile. He could already feel the strength they were gifted with. Tanjiro knew they were going to be strong Demon Slayers. Both bug eyes landed on Tanjiro and the group. “Train Us! So we could be strong like you all.”

Inosuke quickly stood up and blew heavily through the boar snout. “We start training now!!” He grabbed the twins by their small yukata and carried them to an open area in the backyard. Zenitsu gently put down Nezuko as he ran after Inosuke and the children. “Don’t carry them like that!! Don’t drop them!! INOSUKE!!”

(Y/N) smiled at the change of demeanor. She didn’t want to be sad. Not when she had the wonderful opportunity to spend her time with her soulmate and have two beautiful children. He died doing what he loved. He was with his mother now. She watched the boar boy and the boy in yellow chase after her children and her heart felt at peace. She was going to be okay. They all were.

“I’ll go make us some tea. Please eat up and rest while you’re here.” (Y/N) told both Senjuro and Tanjiro before getting up and walking out of the room.

“My brother talked about you a lot. The boy who was traveling with a demon.” Tanjiro bristled. “Always mentioned how the new generation of demon slayers were coming. My brother was very proud of you.” Senjuro points to one of the twins chasing Zenistu. “He named one of his children in honor of you, Tanjuro Rengoku. You could guess where he got Sanjuro from.”

Tanjiro’s heart felt like it was going to explode. This trip was to fulfill the former Hashira’s last wishes but now he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be able to leave. Not when Kyojuro led him to his family that he kept hidden. How was Tanjiro supposed to leave and not return to them?

“My brother’s crow came home right after the incident. He told (Y/N) that Big Brother mentioned The Hinokami Kagura within father’s notes.” Senjuro panicked a little bit. “My father destroyed his notes. He hasn’t been taking any of this well. (Y/N) has been managing him… B-But I’ll try to fix them for you.”

“Thank you very much, Senjuro.” Tanjiro said with the brightest smile he could muster. Both boys focused their attention on the twins now running away from Inosuke and Zenistu. Their laughter filled the air and Tanjiro felt at peace in this moment.

“I’ll take care of them for you Mr. Rengoku.”

“Thank You~”

.

..

.

Since that eventful day Tanjiro, Inosuke, and Zenitsu kept their word. Any free time they could spare they would always end up at the Rengoku Estate. Whether it was to read with Senjuro, train with the twins, or simply just to help Mrs. Rengoku around the house. Tanjuro, Sanjuro, Senjuro, and (Y/N) always welcomed the boys and Nezuko with open arms. They had family meals together and always included them in anything they had going on. The boys and Nezuko made their small family bigger… they felt at home.

Tanjiro continued to smile as Tanjuro, Sanjuro, and Senjuro grew older. It was like seeing Kyojuro Rengoku all over again. Same looks, same smile, but different personalities. Senjuro liked to read and hear the stories Tanjiro told about Inosuke and Zenitsu. He made sure to always have stories to tell the younger Rengoku brother. Tanjuro was every inch of his father. From his boisterous charisma to his calculated actions. Senjuro was the same as his brother. Tanjiro loved that the signature Rengoku smile never once left their faces. Their swordsmanship was amazing for their age. Tanjiro knew they prided themselves on their father’s belief and he continued to support that belief.

“I got them for you Mr. Rengoku.”

……..

……

….

.

“Thank You my Young Kamado ~”

[toomanywordsnllines]

Tell us, speak to us of GhoapRoach, the people need to hear

I'm me I'm the people please I beg

OKAY! I finally got time and brain power to answer this! (thank you dear anon for letting me indulge in this idiots)

(also sorry for the time it took me to write this :')) THIS SHIT GOT SO LONG I HOPE YOU ENJOY ME GOING HAM WITH THE EXPLANATION

I'm going to mostly talk about how I see their relationship start and develop!!

The timeline should be something like.

Ghost&Roach (friendship, then later QPR) → Ghost/Soap (they get together) → Soap realizes this two idiots are in fact idiots → Ghost/Roach (Soap makes them resolve their shit) → Roach/Soap/Ghost (Roach and Ghost finally do something about Soap wink wink)

In my mind their relationship started firstly just between Ghost and Roach

After almost dying and having a rough time and some rough realizations, Ghost finally admits to himself that he likes Roach a little more strictly than just platonically. 

But since I do headcanon that Roach is aromantic (and does really not feel any romantic attraction towards anyone) Ghost just confesses that he loves him and they stay like that.

They just live their life as best friends and do nothing about their feelings

Cus what Ghost doesn't know is that while, yes Roach doesn't feel 'romance' towards him, man does he feel desire.

So Roach after a couple years of knowing each other decides to up the ‘best friends’ status and go more for a QPR type of relationship. 

That itself doesn’t change much about them. Roach just says that they can be more touchy about each other. They agree

Roach goes all ham. Ghost still hesitates (mostly because being so close to someone scares him and also because he’s scared of pushing Roach away somehow.)

But that's where it stops. Ghost is a little head over heels for Roach and Roach wants to jump Ghost's bones. But they don’t do anything about it.

Then enter one John Soap Mctavish

We have all the Ghost and Soap getting together (with Roach’s help) of course and they have a 'normal' relationship, romantic and sexual.

Soap is perfectly fine with Ghost and Roach’s relationship and makes sure to tell Roach that he's not there to steal anyone. GR clearly have an important relationship and Soap doesn’t want to ruin that.

He says that because he really means it and well…

Maybe because he has also started falling for Roach in a not so steady way.

How could he not?! Roach is just so funny and intelligent and a nerd and endearing and seeing him and Ghost interact and being soft with each other and the way he makes Ghost relax and the way he comforts people and and–

R and S start to hang out more and more. Even going out of their way to spend time just with each other. 

And after some time Soap starts to get almost the same treatment Ghost gets. Which means LOTS OF PHYSICAL CONTACT(which does nothing good for Soap’s heart).

The first time Roach uses him as his personal pillow he almost combusts…

Ghost grumbles one two many times that Roach is just trying to steal his boyfriend.

Now that’s all fine and dandy but

Roach and Ghost drive Soap insane and not because he's stupidly in love with them

But because he starts paying more attention to them and he just wants to tear his hair out.

He sees the heart eyes on Ghost when he looks at Roach, but also sees how he's very tentative on how he touches him, never going beyond anything more than what someone might consider platonic.

Then he watches Roach, who looks at Ghost with affection and desire that is so terribly hidden (the amount of time he saw him almost drooling at Ghost working out…)

Soap understands why both of them hesitate with each other and knows that with him now in the equation it only makes things harder. (but it breaks his heart to see Roach’s sad eyes when he thinks he’s going to be left alone. And crushes his soul to see Ghost be sad for constantly holding himself back and not knowing how to get to Roach.)

So! It might’ve been Roach that made Ghoap come together but it’s apparent that it’s now in Soaps hands to make those two fools DO SOMETHING.

JUST… GET OVER THEMSELVES… COMMUNICATE!

Btw little side note: Ghost and Soap have talked about Ghost’s feelings towards Roach. He never thought he could love again and imagine when he comes to the conclusion that he loves TWO PEOPLE. Soap was fine with all this (bc at this point… he was steadily going down the rabbit hole of falling with the other man himself. He didn’t say that to Ghost tho…)

So what does he do? Talk, of course, with each one individually.

He first speaks with Ghost, asks about how GR came to be and yada yada. Ghost accidently let's it slip that he wishes he could do more with Roach (Kiss, he wants to kiss him so bad and touch him everywhere, Soap arcs an eyebrow as Ghost covers his flustered face behind his face as he admits that.) but is afraid Roach will react badly cus that's romantic and Ghost doesn't know his feeling towards it.

(Soap face palms when he questions if Ghost has asked him, and Ghost replies confusedly that 'of course not')

What does Soap do about that information? Well in an afternoon where they're not doing anything, he asks Roach about kissing and (Soap actually though he might've died that day, with how his heart did somersaults, he has wanted to kiss Roach for so long has stared at those lips for so long has–) and kisses Roach right in front of Ghost to see.

It’s not really cus it’s seen more as giving Roach a new experience than anything related to feelings (Soap says that to himself repeatedly like a mantra)

(Soap is dying in the middle of this btw cuz he has to keep his attraction to Roach hidden as best he can, he wants those two fools to do something about each other and if he accidently ruins something he would never forgive himself). So he suffers.

Does Ghost do anything with this information? No! (he keeps it away in his brain, and tries not to get hot and bothered when thinking about those two kissing while he watches.) 

Roach, however, starts thinking.

Kissing wasn’t bad and he quite liked it… Soap did it in front of Ghost and he knows very well why.

‘One of you, make a move.’

Though Roach isn't completely sure yet. He needs permission, confirmation, because he doesn’t want to hurt Soap

If he’s being honest with himself… what he feels towards Soap is starting to grow a little bit beyond friends…

One day, he and Soap are sitting just enjoying their time and Roach just let's out that he wishes he could do something with Ghost (jump his bones) watching Soap from the corner of his eye constantly

And Soap is like (‘holy shit im going to pass out, the image of that is unholy, breathe Mctavish, breathe’) composed: Why don't you then?

Roach:

Roach: Yeah, why don't I.

And Roach takes that. Takes the permission and goes (he might’ve kissed Soap on the corner of his mouth as thanks (he’s teasing and he loves the way Soap just blushed furiously))

The next night Roach invades Ghost's room, like no ones business, confidence up there cus he has wanted to fuck this man for too long. And he finally got permission.

He makes sure to have Ghost sitting on his bed before he pulls the man's mask and kisses him, gently.

Ghost.exe has stopped working.

(His brain completely stopped working bc bloody hell he must be dreaming he can only be dreaming–)

Please imagine the most flustered Ghost you could ever imagine, heart eyes and flushed cus boy he just got kissed by his longest crush and omg is this fucking real and-

Roach is just staring at him for a second before going straight to the point, he leans closer to Ghost ear and tells him to either start moving to rearrange his insides or he might snap.

Ghost is a shaky mess but is so happy to oblige, he's extremely gentle and cautious. Like he’s been the whole time they’ve known each other. But finally having the permission to touch and worship one of his objects of love and desire after so long of just looking, makes him emotional.

Suffice to say Roach has the time of his life.

They do have a conversation after!! Mainly on what Roach is comfortable with Ghost doing with him (they rule out that what they were already doing is fine just no kisses in the mouth in public, Ghost is very happy to do that) 

After that they’re just laying there and Ghost just casually throws into the conversation:

I think Soap is also in love with you, too

And he waits for Roach’s answer with bated breath because the thought of having the two of them together in his arms like this, instead of circling their rooms gives him a buzz in his brain.

Roach: Oh I know

Ghost, close to laughing: What are you gonna do about it?

Roach just looks at him with a knowing smirk.

Of course this wouldn't be me if I didn't add some sad so

After Soap is able to get those two to get their heads out of their asses he starts to doubt his place in all of this.

Ghost and Roach have known each other for so long… Ghost seems to have such a hard time loving… Does he belong there, with Simon? Maybe Ghost doesn't love him anymore… or maybe he won't be as loved anymore, that thought breaks him (and he starts understanding a lot more how Roach was feeling in the beginning of all this.)

Roach was meaning to take more time with getting to Soap, he meant to tease him endlessly until Soap was falling apart.

But he and Ghost start seeing Soap pulling away, getting more distant and his face is more sad than happy.

So

A couple days later… Roach decides to put Soaps worries to an end.

And to an end they come, turned into absolute dust when Roach not so subtly corners him in an empty corridor, stalking closer to Soap so he backs away into a strong wall of muscle hidden in the shadows. And Gary tells him clean and straight what he wants, the filth he wants Soap to do to him while Ghost is just running his hands everywhere they can on Johnny, kissing his neck, pinching, grabbing.

Johnny was a mess and might've almost passed out from how hot he was and how much he was blushing.

They fuck. (everyone claps)

And then they have another conversation specifically about boundaries (eyes on Roach) and conclude in the end that there are no words that can really describe what they have going on.

Roach doesn't love any of them romantically but he doesn't need to, they understand him and know he cares and that just like them he would die and kill for them.

Ghost and Soap are boyfriends. ‘What are we five-’ ‘Shut up, Simon.’

Roach and Ghost have their thing going on (They call themselves partners) (Soap does a little ‘eugh’ sound (he gets beaten with too many pillows).

Soap and Roach don’t have a word: ‘Hmmmm. My bitch-’, ‘Excuse me?!’ (Soap calls Roach ‘his’ and ‘mine’)  (Roach doesn’t even bother to not show how much that affects him)

[gothamslostboy]

it’s a me luigi 🧍🏻

the song request i have told you about before i forget it because i will 100% forget it tomorrow morning

the song is

be nice to me by the front bottoms!

this is kinda what i was envisioning

the lost boys x male reader

this is platonic 🫶🫶

and it just basically goes with the lyrics timelinevyknow, because the timeline is going on about a friend who’s a killer and their bestie, and just how all that is going

i think, anyways here’s an example so i hopefully make more sense

so i feel like it would be such a good fic, where the reader realizes that his friends are vamps but he can’t completely hate them. like he realizes and it’s weighing in on him like boulders, he starts to crack because there’s barely nothing of him left yknow. the boys n him have a good friendship there are certain parts that ask a lot of him like only hanging out at night so he lacks some things, but he starts spiraling?

anyways idk if the example helps or not

but no worries if you don’t wanna do this i completely get it it’s a big ask 😭 i’d write it myself but writing is very hard broski 😞

take all the time you’d need for this 🫶🫶

A/N: This song is now stuck in my head and I couldn’t be happier about it. Ugh i love how your brain works this request is so good! The examples helped immensely, they helped me come up with a lot of my own ideas haha. I’ll probably make a part two of this w/ same Reader and Dwayne at some point. thank you feardot:]

Reforging A Family

The Lost Boys x Platonic Male Reader

PAUL MARKO Y/N DAVID

———————

Y/N? Paul takes a deep sigh and leans against the cave wall. Despite his frustration, he restrains himself lashing out at me. You can’t hide there forever. Please just talk to us bud. I curl myself further into the corner of the bed, back pressed tightly onto the headboard & the cool stone wall. I know I can’t, but the only time I’ve left this spot is a couple times during the day to use the restroom, but I don’t plan on getting up again any time soon. I can see his outline through the sheer curtains, just like I can also see another figure, I’m assuming Marko, coming up behind him.

The two whisper with one another, the new figure squeezes Paul’s shoulder before motioning for him to back away. Hey bud, I’ll be back in a second ok? He waits for a second, shoulders slumping in disappointment as he walks away.

Turns out I was right, it is Marko who gently lifts up the curtain, poking his head through with a soft smile

Um, do you mind if I sit on the bed Y/N? You don’t have to speak if you’re not ready, just shake your head no. He waits a second for my reaction, lips curling up a little wider as he sits. Alright, thank you. He clears his throat and moves his gaze to his fingers, tracing the patterns on one of the blankets. This is, uh, this is a lot better than earlier, my cheeks flush in embarrassment, remembering the crunching noise of Dwayne’s foot after I pushed a barrel on it.

We sit in silence for a moment, and I realize just how bad of a shape I’m in. My throat is hoarse from screaming, my stomach hurts for food and water, yet the worst thing is that I can still feel where David had grabbed my shoulder. I’m sure that it’s bruised, maybe even worse. I don’t know what I expected them to do when I tried to run, but I didn’t try it again. I bet that I look just as bad as I feel, it’s almost humorous how there’s very little left of me right now, I feel more like a husk of my former self.

We didn’t expect you to be here when we woke up, so thanks for staying. Marko looks at me again, but I have to look away. His grins no longer appear friendly, even though I know he’s trying to be. After what I saw last night, I doubt it ever will again. I can hear Marko clear his throat, and I almost feel bad for looking away when I hear his strained voice.

I know you think we’re monsters, but can you please look at me? You’re one of my best friends, I’d never hurt you, but it’s like your changing-

My head shoots up. You say I’m changing? Sorry, didn’t know I had to stay the same after watching Dwayne rip a guy’s neck open! I’m practically yelling, but I lost my voice hours ago and all that’s left is a whisper. He’s shocked at my voice, shrinking backwards a bit before opening his mouth again. Can we talk about this later? You voice is driving me, I feel myself becoming panicked again as I rush out the last part of my sentence, driving me insane!

I regret my words almost immediately, and fight the urge to apologize as Marko stands up and leaves, stopping with his back turned to me for only a second. Yeah, I’ll uh, Paul can bring you some food and water, I’ll get Chinese. He rushes off, leaving me alone for the first time since the boys have gotten up. I’m so tired, but is it safe enough to fall asleep? Maybe their just waiting till I’m most vulnerable, but I doubt they’d need the advantage.

No body’s gonna hurt you, get some rest! David’s voice comes from the other side of the cave, much more stern than his brothers voices have been. Can he tell what I’m thinking? Has he always been able to? How mu- Yes I can, don’t over think it right now. Sleep!

A tsunami’s worth of drowsiness washes over me, and I can’t help but listen to David’s orders as I spread out, legs aching from being held up to my chest for so long.

~~~

Do we wake him up? He hasn’t eaten or drank anything in almost 24 hours. I bet he’ll- speak of the devil, I open my eyes to see three of my friends? Do I still consider them that? I’m not sure where Dwayne is, but I can’t say I’d want to see him. I basically fly back against the headboard, letting out a yelp as I feel shooting pain down my back. Damn dude, that sounded like it hurt, Paul leans towards me but is stopped by David. He hurt himself trying to get away from us, now’s not a good time to reach for him man. He nods, standing back in his place between the other two.

Oh.

Alright, it’s time to talk Y/N. You freaked last night: understandable. But you didn’t leave during the day, does that mean you still wanna hang out with us? He raises his eyebrows as he waits for me to answer, rolling his eyes at my widened eyes.

Alright dude, give us something to work with here. He lays across the foot of the bed despite Marko’s hand reaching for him, and looks at me. How many times do we need to tell you Y/N, no one is going to hurt you. We like being your friends.

It’s true bud, he hesitates for a moment before sitting on the head of the bed, giving me as much room as he could. He holds out a water bottle and I take it, pouring half of it down my throat almost instantly. You’re like our brother now. You said it yourself! He smiles, proud that he’s regained the ability to be near me. You said we’re the closest thing to a family you’ve had since moving here, we care about you! He tries to pull me into a side hug, but I shove his arm back.

But you’re a killer! The boys are silent as my cheeks become stained with tears again, giving each other looks I’m too emotional to decipher. I choke out a number of half sobs, the boys waiting quietly before I continue, my voice quieter than before. And I’m your best friend…

Hoping he can feel my wordless apology, I lean on Paul’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me a little tighter. Ya know I think it’s unfair, my eyebrows furrow as I look at david, but Marko is the one to answer. Your situation.

We didn’t want to tell you what we are because we knew it’d scare you. A slightly dry chuckle leaves me. Great job on that dingus! The boys seem to relax, I know Paul did because I felt his shoulder move. Hey, there’s the Y/N we know and love!

So, we’re all good now right? Paul’s face turns in front of mine, and I can’t help but focus on his teeth. I, I mean, my head drops to my knees. I love you guys, but this is- I skim through my brain, trying to find a way to explain my thoughts. We lose ya man?

I look back up and notice that Marko’s now sitting across from Paul, David’s legs draped over him. I’m in my head. It’s like I try to write you poems but the words just don’t make sense. David chuckles, odd way to phrase it but I hear you.

I think he’s really trying to help, his eyes focused on the barrel from last night, still knocked to the side. Dwayne feels horrible, he never wanted you to see him kill, especially that, he moves his head around a bit, trying to think of the right word. Enthusiastically. He’s mortified of scaring you again, so he’s out trying to give you a little bit of space. But that dude deserved to die-

People can suck, but they’re still people. I should hate you guys. Should? That means you don’t right? So let’s just forget about this.

I sit up a little straighter again, a small “thump’ as my head make contact with the wall once again. There are certain things ask of me, like forgetting about the deaths of god knows how many, and there are certain things I lack.

So don’t forget. We all look at Marko. You know we kill to survive, but you can also know we kill bad people, the people who hurt everyone else. That’s not so bad right? We’re basically just the death penalty without the wait.

I genuinely laugh, everyone else joining in. I guess that’s better than killer.

Yeah man, it’s better. So, we can start over, regain some trust? He holds out his hand, I grab it and shake it. We can regain it slowly, I think.

— TAGS —

@britany1997 @g4ywastaken

[dazzasarchives]

Fantastic Four Volume 1 Issue 7.

Alright in the last issue the Fantastic Four faced off against two of their most well known villains, Namor the Sub-Mariner, and Dr Doom. This issue introduces a new villain from us from the mysterious planet X. Let's see what shall happen shall we?

After the Fantastic Fours previous missions, they have been regarded as heroes of earth. Everyone loves them, celebrities and other famous elites are coming are all wanting to meet the Fantastic Four. Well with all the well wishes the Fantastic Four are then invited to a dinner at the White House.

As they are headed to be honored by our nations leaders, the mysterious Kurrgo, from planet X sends down his robot to, alter how people see the Fantastic Four. In doing so the assembly gathered to honor our heroic team then begins to attack them. The Fantastic Four escape in very cartoonish ways, but it's very fun.

The Fantastic Four then discover the ship of the Robot fo Kurrgo. They and the Robot meet atop the Baxter Building, where he states the foundations of his villainous plan. All of earth is against the Fantastic Four, and the only way to stop it is for the team to travel to the planet X.

The Fantastic Four arrive on planet X where they meet Kurrgo, the master of planet X. Kurrgo tells the team that an asteroid is hurtling towards his world aimed at destroying the planet. He is wanting the Fantastic Four, mainly Reed Richards, to figure out a solution because they only have two spaceships on their planet.

The Four try to battle Kurrgo's Robot but it is to no avail. Mr Fantastic then agrees to help Kurrgo and his people. This has the team working insanely fast to find a solution to their problem.

Mister Fantastic creates a shrink ray, able to shrink down the entire population and place them on a single ship to a new hospitable world. Kurrgo decides to no longer regrow his people once they reach their new home, so he can assume control once again. Though he is too late, as the Fantastic Four, and the people of Planet X are safely en route to either their homes, or to the new homes they will find in the cosmos.

Yeah so the plot for this comic isn't all that much. Though it is very nice to see Reed use his brain more, I've noticed that after this point he is a bit more of a critical thinker despite some of his solutions being very corny. Now let's get to our character analysis.

I like Reed much more in this one. He's starting to use his intellect more instead of just proclaiming he's a genius. He's also stepping into the role of leader much better than I assumed he would this early on. Anyway I would say my opinion has yet again grown.

The Human Torch, I actually like him a bit more in this comic. He goes to make a sacrifice play at one point but he does survive it. Also I'm starting to like The Thing and his relationship much more now. Id say my opinion of Johnny has gone up this year.

Sue, you know it's bad when this is the only character I have to go back and flip through to see what she's done. Oh that's right damsel in distress unless chased by united states military which she's able to easily evade. My opinion on Sue stays the same, I don't think it'll get much better anytime soon.

The Thing, again I love him in this issue though he takes a back seat during act two, but act one he really shines. He relationship with the Human Torch has gotten better, and he finally feels fine with being how he is at least for now. My opinion on the Thing is unchanged but still my most favorite member of the team.

Kurrgo, and his robot are really fun villains. They're goofy and the designs are just completely out there, mainly for Kurrgo though. When I first saw him I thought his big head was just covered in wrinkly skin, until I realized it's covered in fur. I also like that his robot is just called Kurrgo's Robot, instead of Kurrgbot, not every villain needs a Doombot, or a Lexbot. I also love that the main problem for Kurrgo is that his people only have two spaceships, and they could have gone anywhere in the universe but they went to Earth. Anyway they're pretty fun villains.

Alright that's all for this post, we'll also be taking a short break away from the Fantastic Four as we expand the Hero roster of the Marvel Universe. The next hero we will be taking a look at might astonish you. Until next time.

I do not own any of the images above they are all property of Marvel Comics.

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[azurelyy]

kakashi!!

Hi, sweetheart! <3 One Copy Cat Ninja, coming right up!

1: sexuality headcanon

Kakashi isn't as experienced as people make him out to be. The main reason he's good in bed is because of all the porn he reads. That and he is just ~naturally gifted~ lol. But seriously, I don't imagine him having many notches on his bedpost. He most certainty isn't a fuck boy - he doesn't have the time, energy, or patience for that. No, if you're lucky enough to get with Kakashi then it's because he has an overwhelming attraction to you, and finds your personality addictive.

2: otp

I don't ship him with anyone in the canon show, tbh. Does @delirious-donna count? 😂 I am going to say so!

3: brotp

Gai! Come on! There is no other answer. These two are the best of fucking friends, and Kakashi knows it. He can deny it all he wants, but I know the truth.

4: notp

KakaSaku if we're sticking to canon where he was her fucking Sensei. I recently have opened my brain up to reading fics about them that alter the canon timeline, because honestly, it's some of the best written out there and I am starved for good Kakashi content that isn't y/n. I AM SORRY BUT THE FACTS ARE THE FACTS. Sometimes, you just want a third person story.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Kakashi literally doesn't stop. Even if he feels like shit, or is so sick he's struggling to keep his eyes open, he will still get out of bed and attempt to do whatever he had on his to-do list for that day. His partner will need to literally force him to stay home, and even then there's no way he is staying in bed. The second their eyes are off him, he's up trying to do chores around the house.

6: favorite line from this character

"Today, I got lost on the road of life." Iconic.

7: one way in which I relate to this character

There are so many to choose from... Unfortunately, I am going to have to go with the sort of sad option here and say I relate to how distant he can be when first meeting people. Basically, he and I share a trauma response lol. Maybe we could help each other get over it!

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

I will never get over the fact that he did this. Ever. It is burned into my brain.

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He's a problematic KING. But we love him for it. It's okay, Kakashi - we're all a little fucked up in our own ways. <3

[snuggles-and-struggles]

First up, horrorswap. I've been rotating it in my brain off and on lately, so I figured I'd start with one of the notes I'd made- oh lord almost two years ago WOW wait when is that art from. Oh man. Time is an illusion. Okay. Anyway.

Similar startings as how I usually do HF, Edge and Stretch met back underground, fell in love, and everything was cool and good. But then Tale suddenly lost contact with them, and they didn’t know what happened…until some time later, Fell surfaced. They quickly found out their timeline had merged with Tales, but that they could no longer contact Swap through the machine.

Eventually SF and TrF joined them on the surface, neither having met the others back underground. Years pass and Swap still hasn’t surfaced. Edge holds onto hope he has to, but time keeps dragging out.

It’s been long enough Edge is just about the only one still holding out hope, but he still has his job and life to tend to, and it hardly ever comes up he still wears the necklace Stretch gave him their first Gyftmas together, every day.

Then, something happens. The machine in Red and Toriel’s basement whirs to life and spits out two, incredibly fucked up monsters. The eventually dubbed Rust attacks Red initially, but Edge (who’d been visiting) gets between them, almost immediately recognizing “Stretch”. Rust is too out of it for it to register, and Red quickly incapacitates him before he can strike when Edge is in shock. “Blue” was already unconscious.

They’re both taken to receive medical treatment, both in pretty atrocious condition. When “Stretch” awakens, he starts to recognize the others, but…he’s pretty seriously traumatized. He’s sharp and a little cruel, seems to think this is some sort of dream or nightmare, not quite convinced it’s reality but not rejecting it either. Whatever happened, it’s obvious he’s been through the wringer. His body is mutated in some pretty serious ways, along with a lot of just outright damage, the worst of all being the gaping slice taken from his head. His right eye socket is full of diffuse magic, and he’s severely malnourished. “Blue"'s not much better off, and completely blind. Frankly, neither of them should still be alive, and yet.

As things slowly become more “real” to them, the newly dubbed Rust tries to reject Edge’s help. But Edge is nothing if not stubborn and full of love. He wears him down eventually, but the others are a bit worried for Edge, Red and Toriel especially.

Rust is pretty fucked in the head, to put it mildly (pun only slightly intended). He’s standoffish, aggressive…deranged at his worst times. And the newly dubbed Coal is really out of it at first, nor does he remember any of their old friends, so no one gets the context for what in the hell happened to them, as Rust would be more likely to chop his own arm off than talk about where they’d come from.

But they don’t see Rust with Edge when no one else is around. Yes, of course it’s incredibly rough at the beginning. There were probably many times Edge left the hospital disassociating and didn’t stop until he returned the next day. But as he slowly, slowly comes around, can’t break Edge with his bullshit, Rust…eases. Only around Edge and Coal, only. At first.

He can’t be released from the psych hospital until he proves he isn’t a danger to anyone, which takes...a while, but he softens to Edge, of course, for him, and it’s a hard fought battle, but Edge eventually convinces him to try. If not for his sake, then his brother's.

Rust eventually concedes, and stops fighting treatment. Coal’s memory is pretty shot, but he starts doing better, too, not nearly as volatile as Rust was at any point.

And eventually, Rust is permitted to be placed under a sort of conservatorship with Edge. It helps him stay on track, too, because if he fucks up, it comes back on Edge, so he really does intend to…mostly, keep on the straight and narrow.

And Edge loves him. He does. It’s incredibly hard sometimes, but there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Stretch Rust. He moves in, while Coal moves in with Tale Asgore for company and help with his disabilities. And Rust really does improve. He’s mostly just quiet, his humors a lot more dark most of the time, but he’ll still crack jokes. He prefers to stick close to Edge if others are around, but if they aren’t, well. He can be a little clingy, but of course Edge doesn’t mind. Usually.

^ there was more to the note but it was just about a poly variant lol

I love them but man do they need sooo much therapy. I have a really sweet/sad convo wip between them I will post...at some point probably, but honestly I don't have much more actually written out for them, I just rotate them ✌️😔

[ridley-was-a-cat]

What I Watched This Fortnight – 9/17- 9/30

Space Adventure Cobra – RetroCrush added this to their streaming catalog just as everyone was posting their remembrances after the mangaka passed away, so I figured I should probably see what it was about. What I got was a interstellar romp featuring a blond-haired frat boy with a gun-arm and a smorgasbord of comic book villains and nearly naked women that entertained me despite my better judgement. It’s directed by Osamu Dezaki, with all the pastel freeze frames and three pans he was known for, and still looks pretty darn good for a 40-year-old anime. If you’re ever in the mood for a turn-your-brain-off sort of adventure peppered with smugly delivered one-liners, this should deliver the goods. 7/10

Project Blue Earth SOS – I found this one night while randomly poking around Crunchyroll’s library, and it’s a nice little retro-futuristic sci-fi that’s much better than its MAL score lets on. It’s set around the year 2000 in an alternate timeline Earth where humanity has developed powerful engines that allow for near-light speed travel, leading them to be targeted by an alien civilization bent on subjugating the planet. Rising up in opposition are two brilliant teenagers, one the son of the manufacturer of the powerful engines, and the other the son of astronauts killed in a space disaster years earlier, who work together with a quasi-governmental secret agency to drive them away. The art style is vibrant and colorful with a delightfully 1950s ray gun sci-fi vibe, and the story had lots of twists and turns and revelations straight out of a midcentury B-movie. 7/10

Initial D: Extra Stage – This two-episode OVA follows the driver of the blue Sileighty from Usui Pass as she faces down a challenge on the road and one in her love life. The first episode, Beyond Impact Blue, has her racing one of the Lan Evo drivers from the Emperors after he insults female drivers as a whole and challenges her to what he assumes will be an easy race for him. The second episode, Sentimental White, has her go on a date with one of the divers from the Night Kids, who suggests that he would want his girlfriend to give up a dangerous hobby like street racing, leading her to do some thinking about her life. I didn’t feel like the racing was as exciting as it was in the main series, and I don’t love this mangaka’s approach to writing female characters or romance content, but I did like watching Mako take control and set a path for herself. 7/10

Space Dandy – I don’t know what took me so long to watch this series, as an episodic space comedy directed by Shingo Natsume featuring dozens of top-tier animators and guest directors is completely my kind of food. It starts off a little dubiously with the title character monologuing about tits and asses before heading off to his favorite breastaurant, Boobies, but it was hard to stay mad at this charming idiot blundering his way around the galaxy with his talking vacuum cleaner robot sidekick and alien cat freeloader, Meow. Some of the episodes were fantastic sci-fi short stories that packed a ton of worldbuilding and creativity into 20 minutes, and others were just sort of okay monster-of-the-week episodes, with a thread of a overarching plot loosely connecting them. The art and animation varied a bit depending on who worked on the episode, but on the whole, it was very good work and a lot of fun to watch. 8/10

Gunbuster – The old anime nerds have been talking up this series ever since Discotek licensed it, and Crunchyroll added it to their catalog this week, so I watched it. If you watched Aim for the Ace and thought to yourself that it would be better if it had more mechs and titty fanservice, this is the show for you. The first episode is an almost frame-for-frame homage to the beginning episodes of Aim for the Ace, which is kind of amusing when all the girls were training to be mecha pilots to fight the alien horde. It had some solid space fights and substantial sci-fi scenarios, and I appreciated how big the stakes felt. I only wish there were fewer lovingly animated bouncing titties. 7/10

Sasaki and Miyano: Graduation – This is one of those movie sequels to a series that’s kind of hard to put a rating on. On the one hand, it’s more of the story I enjoy with the characters I love, and it’s great to see some of the moments I remember from the manga animated and acted out. On the other hand, however, it’s not structured like a movie in the least, and runs through the material pretty quickly, leaving the viewer little time to take in what they’ve seen. It’s basically just two more episodes smooshed together without an opening or ending song. If you like the series, you’ll like this, but it’s not a movie-length story with a dramatic arc that stands alone. 8/10

[generic-sonic-fan]

If you ever make the Silver fanfic you mentioned in the tags of your recent post I will eat that shit up and give you a chocolate chip cookie

Thank you so much! I think every Sonic fan should have a weirdass long-form fic kicking around in their brains. It's cathartic. Since you asked, though, let me tell you more about it because I don't trust myself to ever finish it.

It's some amalgamation of hurt/comfort and slowburn platonic relationships when, fresh off of some Unnamed Future-Ending Crisis, Silver shows up on Sonic's doorstep. Sonic is, understandably, a little concerned- didn't they just save the future already?

Yes, Silver explains. The future is safe. It's perfect, actually- complete with a brand-new, untraumatized Silver who lives in a loving home with adoptive parents. And while he's thrilled that a version of him is getting a normal life, it means that he doesn't exactly have anything to go back to.

He wants to stay with here. With Sonic, if that's okay.

This kickstarts a LONG recovery arc of Silver accompanying Sonic, Tails, and Amy on a journey to learn how to live in a world that isn't constantly on fire. It'll hit all the typical beats, such as "wow, the sky is so blue!" and "we have plenty of food?"

As Silver gets more acclimatized, he'll start helping Sonic and Co in their escapades with Eggman. I think Silver and Eggman would have an interesting dynamic, particularly with Silver telling him repeatedly that there's no timeline in which Eggman ever gets his "Egg Empire", which messes with Eggman's head more than any of Sonic's usual taunts.

This all culminates in a mission where Eggman baits Silver out to try and end his visit to this timeline permanently, shall we say. He falls for it, and the only reason he survives is a last-minute intervention from Shadow, who's been keeping an eye on Silver for a while now. Even then, though, Eggman manages to break Silver's inhibitor rings in the ensuing struggle.

Shadow gets Silver back to Sonic's place to recover, but that's when things start to go haywire. Silver's never had his inhibitors off- hell, he doesn't even know where in the future he got them, and in his mentally exhausted state after the big fight, he has very little control over his powers. Forget about just "sleep-floating", Silver is sleep-exploding. While Tails is scrambling to find some sort of explanation or solution, and Sonic at least gets Silver out of the house and to an open field where he can't break anything, Shadow takes one look at his own inhibitor rings, takes them off, and slaps them on Silver's wrists. The inhibitors strain under Silver's energy, but they hold. This allows Silver to calm down enough to pass the fuck out.

Chaos energy, Shadow remarks. He'd had his suspicions when he'd seen Silver on earlier occasions, and he's appalled that Silver seems to have such poor control over it. Sonic makes an obligatory joke about Shadow no longer being the ultimate life form, but instead of taking the bait, Shadow remarks that Silver might be stronger than the both of them.

Silver wakes up and, of course, apologizes profusely. Before Sonic or Tails can forgive him, Shadow cuts in and offers to teach Silver how to have better control of his powers without his inhibitors on. This kickstarts a training arc that explores my personal headcanons surrounding chaos powers, along with being bonding time between the two.

In the meantime, Tails is investigating why Shadow's inhibitors work on Silver at all. They shouldn't, Tails checked- Shadow trusted him with the ARK files a while ago and what they have to say about inhibitor rings is that they're specific to the DNA of the wearer. This results in Tails getting a DNA sample from Silver out of curiosity, comparing it the ARK files on Shadow's DNA, and. . .

Leading to my headcanons in this post.

Silver and Shadow, after the revelation, swear Tails to secrecy. They manage to keep it under wraps from Sonic for a little while until Sonic, observing the strange newfound closeness Shadow and Silver seem to have, makes an off comment about "quit being his dad, Shads," causing the two to make very awkward faces, giving the secret away immediately.

I don't really have much plot planned after that besides "generic platonic bonding" between the main three hedgehogs (though mostly Shadow and Silver). There'll probably be a scene where they head up to the ARK. There'll probably be a scene where Shadow angsts about being immortal- only to find that Silver's frankly not that worried about it, having been displaced from his original timeline so far already. Regardless, they both take comfort in the idea that they'll have each other.

A distant, distant epilogue this fic could have, and this is where things get really weird so hear me out- is a scene a few hundred years into the future. Shadow's found a partner, settled down, has a kid, and. . . Silver kinda becomes an uncle to himself? After verifying that they're not creating any paradoxes, Silver's basically able to help provide the life that he's always wanted to this timeline's younger self. Please imagine older Silver putting younger Silver on his shoulders and running around the house shouting "HE LIFTED HIS FIRST ROCK WITHOUT TOUCHING IT LOOK LOOK LOOK!"

So yeah. My weird little brain fic. Thank you, anon, for allowing me to ramble about it.

[pluto1020]

everything.

its so weird how i blink and a year has already passed. it's also weird how much my life has changed in the past month. summer came back around and my heart gained the warmth and courage to search for new love. it was so weird how it happened. i don’t even remember it to be real. nah, i do. just don’t feel like explaining. i’ll cherry pick the memories and things i enjoyed most.

i wanna say it was some time in late july or early august when i first heard him speak. i’m not good with timelines. the way he texted didn’t match his voice which didn’t match his face. it was lovely. i bought him a game because i was interested in him. it was a horror game. we played it for some hours. it was awkward at first and there would be quiet moments where my heart would beat a little faster from the fear of not knowing what to say. i remember how bittersweet it was. the conversation somehow transitioned into something deeper and we were eventually talking about school. he was headed to college in a little over a month. i wanted him bad. more than a boys don’t cry magazine. more than the little me wanted a spongebob popsicle on a hot summer day. how many miles i’d run to catch the ice cream truck or capture his heart. i somehow convinced him to stay. it was definitely on his mind all along. from the get-go, it was easy to tell how uncertain he was about moving away from home so early. we talked for nine hours or so until i felt like sleeping. most of that morning was spent outside. i watched the sunrise and took some pretty pictures. i listened as birdsongs filled the air. my ears rang with amusement. “he is the one,” i thought. “he is the one.”

a little time passed. in our first conversation i had asked if he would have been alright with meeting one another. he was a tad bit hesitant at first, which was warranted, but eventually mustered up the courage. he sent me some weird address in lower michigan. i thrive off of unfamiliarity and was excited to see him in front of me. i had my dad drive me because i didn’t have a car. when i arrived, i remember how the world around me almost silenced itself, sacrificing all of its sound to my existence—my heartbeat. it pounded. not with nervousness, no—my brain was confused. it was excitement. i’ve made that mistake since i was little. he opened the door to the one-story home and i saw him. i wish i would have gotten a photo. not even of him—but of the moment in its entirety. i wonder what my face looked like to him. i wonder what he was thinking. did he know as fast as me?

anyway. i remember watching him play risk of rain and his smile. i took photos of it. it was cute. i had no idea what risk of rain was but it sparked my interest. he liked childish gambino and lizzy mcalpine. classic gay boy. we spent that day and the same night in the hot tub and pool. we told each other about tender things that i’d rather not get into for the sake of privacy i somehow blow up one day. but i remember the shiver in his voice when he opened up to me despite being in a hot tub that was hotter than the damp summer air that filled the night sky. stars are crazy things. it’s wild how people used to think those were gods staring back at us. what if they’re right?

the first time i met his parents was on your average monday. they came home from work. actually, nah, my brain is remembering something else. we’ll get into the average monday later. i honestly don’t have much memory of the first time i met his mom. maybe i was too interested in the slight red tint of his long blonde hair or his kid soccer photos that hung on the left side of his fridge instead. the first time i met his dad was the day i took him to a lizzy mcalpine show in detroit. of course i remembered. it was a little overwhelming—i met two of his friends in the same few minutes. one friend, who was driving, was shaped similar to me. he was tall, had medium-length curly brown hair, and a deep voice. he was rather talkative and filled the room with a positive energy. reminds me of someone from my favorite video game. his other friend was shorter. quieter too. he had red hair and almost looked like ian from shameless. he was rad. too bad he was a swiftie though. still love them all to death. anyway, as i sat down in the car, a fairly modern SUV of sorts, his dad walks up the driveway behind us. he was shorter than me. he wore a suit and tie because he worked for a crematory. “what a tough and powerful job to have,” i thought. someone has to do it. i mean you’d think that there’s plumbers out there that have seen some rather unimaginable shit. literally. our interaction with one another was very brief. we waved each other hello and introduced one another. i awkwardly told him i liked his outfit as we climbed into the SUV and we sped away. as we went to the concert, i had that little awkward small talk interaction with his two friends. i’m pretty sure he had known them for most of his life, and meeting them was a big step in our connection. it still makes me nervous. anyway, we arrived and stood in a line for what felt like forever. i’m just being dramatic. it took about two hours or so to get into the venue and i got more familiar with his friends. there were a few more people that i met as well, a girlfriend of the talkative guy and another girl. telling stories without names is difficult. we talked about this big ass spider that we noticed the whole time and cracked a few jokes on each other’s heights. the show was pretty awesome. i had to take a piss but i have trouble doing so in public. pre-show, the bathrooms were flooded with both men and women. and everything in between. idk. it made me nervous so i held it out. we were standing on the floor for about 15 minutes before i couldn’t hold it any longer. while i was in the bathroom, my dumbass was thinking “this show is gonna start while i’m pissing,” and it did. funny thing is, i only memorized the lyrics of one song on her set list and it was the only song i missed. oh well. after the show, i dozed off in the car. the way back from a trip always feels faster than the way there. at least for me. why is that? the way we dozed off was cute. i’m pretty sure we were holding hands at one point. i remember closing my eyes and feeling his warmth as the streetlights passed over us. it was sweet. that night he let me sleep in his bed and he slept on the floor. it was a beautiful gesture. how easily he was willing to give up something he has known his entire life for someone he barely knew. i missed him when i woke up.

i’m pretty sure i stayed for two nights during that visit. we just chilled and watched ghibli movies the second day. dinner was when i got to properly introduce myself to his parents. i don’t remember what we ate. i wanna say we had spaghetti with sugar snap peas. pretty sure there was bread too. it was delicious. i wasn’t really focused on the food though. nah. i was focused on the moment i was in. we were in his kitchen. the chairs and table were wooden. so was the floor. oak i’m pretty sure. they had a love for blue. the walls were painted a nice turquoise. his fridge was pretty cool. cooler than mine. and not the temperature cool. it had filtered water. one time he tried to use the water filter in my fridge and i laughed at him for it. anyway, the tablecloth went down the middle of the table and consisted of sharp reds, some whites, greens, blues, and oranges. it was kinda cool. they were just lines though. i remember the crunch of my teeth everytime i’d get a bite of a sugar snap pea. our conversation was nice. we talked about the basics—how him and i met (which we lied about,) where i was from, and my interests. pretty sure we talked some about them too. that evening we watched the most gorgeous sunset. i took tons of photos of him. his beautiful blonde hair swayed as the wind kissed his cheeks tinting them into a nice rosy pink. the moment, which lasted around 15 minutes, was rather silent. i think i would do anything to go back to it. to do nothing with someone again. with him again. to just exist and allow myself to love. to photograph it all. he leaned over the top floor of his multi-leveled balcony and we just observed. listened as the birds chirped and flew over the corn field that boarded against his yard. it was beautiful. and it felt so perfect because while i was able to capture the moment, i was still immersed in it. i allowed myself to put the phone down and just watched as he lived. with a heart. with a brain. with pretty hands and small fingers. with a nice smile. i can’t describe whatever was happening to me then, but i’m a little afraid that i’ll be chasing it forever.

i will definitely tell this story out of order. like i said, i suck with timelines. this is just a collection of my thoughts. i’m not trying to be too poetic or anything. this serves as a reminder, something to come back to when my brain feels it needs to. people don’t write enough. we’re all so interested in what is happening around us that we can’t live. shit sucks. i’m glad i learned how to early on.

the first time he came to toledo, it was exciting. how nice it was to show someone my room for the first time. posters of my favorite artists adorn the walls and mementos rest upon my shelves while little lamps sit on every object you can find. plants are in little cute spots, too. i always have something to talk about whenever someone sees it for the first time. he was excited as well. it was around a twenty-five minute drive. that day, we fucked really good and hard. like every other time. it was insane. best sex i’ve ever had. after, we watched some invincible and decided to get chick fil a, which wasn’t something he had in his area. it was a treat he got only when he went on vacations. we shared a meal with one another on my couch and went to sleep in the same bed. it was perfect. having him was perfect. his little head rested on my shoulder and we fell asleep soundly. i'm almost unable to describe how nice it is to not have to worry. when he was there, everything--from the daily annoyances that worried me to the past traumas that haunted me--disappeared. he meant everything to me. he was that nice sip of a ice-cold lemonade you take in the dead of summer or the warm weighted blanked you let rest on your skin as you fall asleep in the winter.

there was a time when we were watching ponyo, a ghibli movie, and he fell asleep on me. he laid his entire body on my chest. i cry writing this. i remember being able to hear his heartbeat reach an equilibrium and his little breaths exhale from his body while his weight pressed upon me. i remember scratching his back until he laid still and beginning to fall in and out of consciousness myself. i remember how much i wanted to tell him. i wish i could have. i wish i could have made him feel safer and warmer and more comfortable like he did for me. i wish that he would just come back and tell me i am everything that he needs and to forgive me. i can't sleep at night anymore. not like i did then.

there was a night when i wanted hot chocolate for whatever reason. he tossed the packets of powder on the counter and looked in the fridge for milk to no avail. it was around 11:30 at night, so we decided to look around his city for a gas station that may have been open. it was funny, he ended up driving me around 10 miles just for some milk. a cop followed us half way there and we giggled when he pulled into the gas station after us, as if he was on a similar journey. it was a truck stop called loves. ironic. we walked in, found the milk but got distracted by some candy on the way (this was mainly my doing.) they had discounted prices for multiple king-sized bars and i couldn't let that slide. he had a peanut allergy and i noticed as we walked to the front counter that i had picked a size of reece's that was too large for the discount. he went back to get me a smaller size but picked up a different reese's product. i just laughed because it was the sweetest thing someone had ever done. i imagined myself being in his shoes and looking at the candy and not knowing which to pick up. it was beautiful. we got back to the house and he made me hot chocolate. i remember while the milk was in the microwave, he stood and watched his phone. i never felt like i was on my phone around him unless i was taking his photo to capture such wonderful moments. i'm ashamed that i didn't capture his beauty then, but i was too captivated. i just watched as his chest rose and sank again, while he scrolled through twitter, and prayed that we would stay together forever. i wonder if he would make me a mug of hot chocolate if i asked him now. i wonder if we'll ever love again.

one time we went to the movies. we saw the newest alien film and i was fascinated with how modernized the entire theatre was compared to my hometowns. the seats reclined and were a ton more comfortable than the ones i had known since i was a nascent. i remember so vividly missing half of the movie because i watched as the projector's light reflected against the liquid that sat at the bottom of his eyes. they were just glimmering. i liked watching him blink. there were a few times where he got scared and i had to keep my laugh in. he doesn't know til this day, but, i had a panic attack around half way through. i didn't want to ruin the moment for him. the movie finished and i remember him refilling his slushy and mixing the cherry and blue raspberry flavors after. it was cute. i shed a few tears on the drive home. i couldn't help feeling that he was the most wonderful human i had ever come by, and i am eternally grateful for that.

he had these really gay red soccer shorts that he would commonly wear. he had a white pair, too. they looked great on him. everything did. i was never one to judge but i remember my mom telling me how gay he looked in them. it was silly. i tried them on once. i still don't know if he understands how much those things meant to me. there were days where he smiled in those shorts. there were others that he might have cried. and he let me try them on. for whatever reason. maybe that i don't understand either, but i think it's because he loved me.

he had a dog named archie. first name drop, woo-hoo! i have a weird connection with all animals and they are always very quick to give me love. it's like they have a sixth sense for a damaged soul. but archie always liked me. there would be points where all of us would gather to eat at the table and he would sit at everyone's side waiting for a bite of food to drop. it was cute. archie had a specific chair in the front left room of the home. i'm pretty sure the chair was brown, but archie always liked to bark at passerby's, birds, vehicles, and other dogs. so pretty much everything. it was absolutely adorable. my boy would sometimes get annoyed and yell his name whenever arhice would get too loud, which was also bittersweet. there were a few times where my boy and i decided to take a step outside onto his balcony and archie would always follow along. one time i was petting archie and i somehow found every single spot he enjoyed being pet in. it happened in seconds. i'm pretty good at that. it was funny, his family didn't even know about some of the spots beforehand. every time i entered the door, there was a brief minute-long intermission where archie would get all riled up because someone unfamiliar had come home, but he would always eventually remember me. i wonder if he'd remember me now. i wonder if i'll ever be there again. i wonder if i'll ever see his fur grow to it's full length. i wonder if i'll ever see the big plant that hangs over their couch or the even bigger plant outside that can't stand up straight on windy days. i wonder if he'll ever see what he meant to me.

oh, did i mention his name was parker? i remember my friend lyndsay telling me that she didn't like his name, but i loved it. i loved it because it was pretty and i loved him. he was pretty. i loved saying it. i loved saying it to my mom, my dad, to myself, and to him. i still do. i still repeat his name in my head and all of the memories come flooding in like the last moments of life when the DMT spreads throughout your body and you remember the things that you loved. i love parker.

there were a few gifts that i got him throughout our time together. he loved my neighbor totoro, another ghibli movie that i showed him, and for the marking of our first month together i got him a cat bus plushy. he loved it. alongside that i got him a hot pink "DM does GB" hat because he liked the office. so did i. i don't know if he knows, but i bought two so we could match. we were never able to. after the lizzy show, he showed me a shirt from the tour that he really wanted. when we entered the line, we noticed that the shirt wasn't on display and probably wasn't being sold. he told me that he checked the site often to see if it was restocked. one day i had randomly happened to check and it was available. i don't think me checking was random and i bought it for him. i almost said nothing and delivered it to his house, but i couldn't contain myself and told him within the hour of buying it. i'm pretty sure he adored it. god, i love him. there was a bracelet i let him keep, too. he took it off my wrist once and put it on his. it never left. i wonder where it is now. there was another gift that i gave him, but i'll talk about it later, because it feels too important to put here.

parker had an app on his phone that allowed him to change the colors of his light bulbs to whatever he wanted. one night, he changed the color of the lightbulb that sat in the lamp that rested on his nightstand to red. there was something soothing about it. perhaps it was just the way i felt. as i write this, though, that red light still lingers with me. my keyboard is lit red now. there's a little light i have on top of my computer that adorns a part of my room in red light. i didn't have it set that way before. that same night, i was having trouble sleeping and kept dozing off and coming back. i don't quite remember, but i think there were multiple times where he would climb up in bed with me to put me back to rest. he would scratch my head and tell me he loved me. but one thing he said stood out. i didn't remember it initially, but i do now. i remember how it felt. he told me that he was going to stay with me forever. forever. what a weird concept. i remember imagining us at 50 with cats and kids and a nice home on a quiet farm. i imagined the first time we would move all of the furniture in our new apartment and how good the sleep would be after. i imagined the rain pounding on the porch while we sat and lived together in harmony. if i could go back, i would roll over, look in his eyes, cry, give him a warm hug, and wish to him that he would never leave. i really wish he didn't.

his room was hot. his brother, peyton, had moved out some time before and he was planning to move his belongings into the room which he previously resided in. there were a few times where we explored the things in peyton's room. parker knew how much i loved pokemon cards, because i did, and he handed me a binder filled with cards his brother collected when they were kids. i remember walking into his brother's room. to the left were two wooden shelving systems, each distinct from each other, with mementos and toys of sorts scattered across their surfaces. toward the middle of the room, right under the skylights that lit it, was a big bean bag chair that i sat on while i explored. peyton's old bed was on the right side of the room. i would have loved to sleep there with parker at least once. i wish i could have lived the life where i decorated that room with him.

i remember the first time parker came into my room. there was a blanket that my mom made me. i think it's perfect, because it's always just right. it's never too hot or too cold, because from the way it's crocheted, it has holes that allow cold air to soothe your body. he loved that blanket just as much as me. every time he came over he would be wrapped in it. it's like he knew how much it meant. i still know how the blankets on his bed feel. when i imagine it, i can see myself there all over again, looking up in the morning because i would wake up before parker's alarm that reminded him that his dad went to work and he could climb in bed with me for a while. around that time, archie would come storming into his room and jump on the bed looking for parker, but it was me and he would get confused until he eventually found and laid with parker again. parker had a bunk bed. he never slept on the top bunk, but i'm pretty sure it's because he had clothes and other items on the mattress. on the bottom of the top bunks bedframe, there were stickers that parker placed there when he was a kid. i always made a trailed pattern with my finger because there was a distinct shape that the randomly placed stickers made. i don't know why i remember stuff like this, but it was beautiful. i was sleeping in the place he had for his entire life. and yet i laid awake, just waiting for the moment when i'd hear his voice and feel his arms coat my body. it was in that same bed that i said the words "i love you" to him for the first time. i cried a few minutes earlier because of reasons i won't get into, but essentially for something i was wrong for. he forgave me and i told him i loved him. because i did. it was wonderful. it's like my life became more colorful and i could see clearly again. like i was a kid, just for a moment, staring at what i had become and being so proud for letting my guard down. it was the first time i'd ever done so completely.

he had a friend group dubbed "the eight." i wanted to be the ninth. it caught me off guard the first time i met his friends. he had brought it up earlier in the day but i think i was initially hoping that plans would go awry. not because i didn't want to meet them, but because i was so nervous. these were the people that influenced him and who have known him for so much longer than me. what would they think? how would i know what to say? but i did fine. i eventually warmed up to the idea and we headed to claire's house. claire was with gavin and carter was with cate. dylan was quiet and caleb hadn't known parker was gay. i'm sure he did, but wasn't told until a small time after that night. noah was another friend there, one whom parker was extremely close with, and who was also very sweet. claire's house was gorgeous. though for some reason, michigan has obnoxiously large spiders. considerably larger than ohio's. i'm sure it's because of it's closeness to many bodies of water and whatnot, but we encountered multiple massive spiders that night. meeting his friends turned out to be really nice. a lot of the time that's how things work for me; i overwork my brain by being afraid of things and they turn out harmless. maybe i shouldn't be scared of spiders. i saw parker in every single one of his friends and every single one of them in parker. they were all so in sync. i felt at home. like i could crack a joke and they would all understand and laugh. i felt truly heard, valued, and accepted for the first time ever. it was nice. no, it was much more than nice. it was everything. in that late evening, we played a game of hide-and-go-seek tag. like kids. it was awesome. if you had asked my friends to play anything remotely similar, you'd get ridiculed. but we were kids, so we played for about an hour, and were all eventually found. claire and cate were the seekers and the rest of us boys split into teams. i remember the bittersweet silent moments i'd have with dylan when we'd disconnect with parker. i remember trying not to laugh at points and hesitating to do so, leaving it under my breath. dylan and i eventually got tagged because we were trapped in a loop by claire and cate. i was just following if i'm being honest. parker was disconnected from us by that point but was found later. the few times him and i laughed about it together, he wished we would have followed him. i do too. maybe if i followed him that night, i could have told him everything i never got to say, and things would have turned out different. that's how it works, right? we ended the night with deeper discussions about one another and smore's. parker made mine. it was delicious. he loved me. i loved him. his friends loved me. i loved them. it had felt like we spent a beautiful life together and we were celebrating our experiences, but it was only an introduction. it was august thirteenth that evening. parker and i observed gavin attempt his first back flip until we decided to head home around midnight. i knew i was going to ask him that day. we had only been talking beforehand, but thirteen was always unlucky for me. and historically, i suppose. the thirteenth year of my life had been my worst. parker knew that. on the way home, at exactly 12:00, we passed over a railroad track as frank ocean's 'white ferrari' surrounded us. it was my favorite song ever. parker knew that. he was my favorite person ever. parker knew that. right then, i told something tender that i had never told anyone before and then asked, "would you be my boyfriend, parker scott beard." and he replied, "yes." and he was my boyfriend. and we were in love. and the evening was perfect. and that moment was even better.

how close i was to the rest of my life. how i could stare at him and be observing my future. how i cried like a baby the second i got home the following day because i loved him more than i had ever loved anyone before. more than i loved my mom. how i wept because i knew where the moles were on his back. because i loved every second i spent with him. because our love was unconditional and i still feel the same. because i loved him in between each second when our eyes would blink and he would disappear from my perception, since in those moments, i would still see him. because i loved the perfect pigmented pattern his irises would spiral out in from his pupils, and because i loved the little spot in his lower back that would make his nerves activate and his muscles reflex with the slightest pressure. because i loved the way he loved. because i loved when we laid together and listened to the risk of rain 2 soundtrack, 'the rain formerly known as purple' in specific. because i loved the way he spoke to me and loved his actions even more. because i loved how he made me hot chocolate that night and did my dishes after. because i loved how he wore those red shorts. because i loved when he would get annoyed with me. because i loved when he would belly laugh as we wrestled. because i loved how he would stare endlessly into the screen as ghibli movies played, so captivatingly entertained. because i loved watching him watch. because i loved the hat he wore with the logo from his work whenever he'd take a shift. because i loved how he looked at me during the lizzy concert. because i loved when he'd climb up in bed with me. because i loved how he made everything feel okay. because i loved that time we stared at one another in his parent's shower as cigarettes after sex played on the speaker, eventually drowned under shower water. because i loved the picture i took before the text he sent after. because i loved how i made him feel. because i loved the dumb fireworks some random family set up at the administration building across my house after an evening of swimming. because i loved lethal company nights with him and kiera. because i loved our little goodnight conversations after. because i loved our phasmophobia nights, even when he would die and make me try to survive. because i loved the chick fil a meals we shared. because i loved the dinners with his parents and how i saw him in parts of them. because i loved the taste of his slushy i took a sip of after the movie we saw. because i loved that sunset we watched with one another as the wind swayed against us so perfectly. because i loved the playlist i remade for him on apple music since he didn't like spotify. because i loved how i was never much of a cryer until i met him. because i loved how the universe was telling me that he was the one. because i loved that he was the one. because i loved the first time i saw him and still see myself standing in sara and paul's driveway. because i loved the tender things he told me in the hot tub that night. because i loved when he grabbed my hand on the way home while i had anxiety from an allergic reaction, telling me that everything would be okay. because i loved the peace between us then. because i loved that he was my peace. because i loved when i gave him the first thing i ever painted that same morning, knowing that he was a pure representation of every good part of me, wrapped into a single beautiful being. because i knew he was my other half. because i loved and remembered every single word and every single moment. and how i cry now, because i loved him and might have taken it all for granted.

parker, someday i'm going to die. all of my cells will be released into the earth, dispersed across the universe, form into something new, and eventually become part of the stars again. we are just dust. yet all of those cells, the same ones which created me, will always remember you. hopefully we can grow and sit down for lunch on a random sunday and forgive one another and put everything behind us. hopefully we can learn to love each other again. hopefully it's soon. i will always love you. in a month, in a year... forever. so will my dust that eventually forms a star. you are my white ferrari. thank you. for the ride. for everything.

everything.

max