#i love being autistic but im sad how it makes it so hard to make new friends

[eddieisashifter]

i need more shifting friends. but I get nervous about reaching out to people on here that I think are cool

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent

Tw: sewerslide and SH

[sinkjustlikeastone]

How to Dance in Ohio thoughts for y'all

The red flags durring Slow Dancing asdjfhaksjdfah YES

Shoelaces? Books about Pangea? 10/10 flirting

I cried when Mel's boss yelled at them, I cried during Nothing At All, I cried durring Waves and Wires

I believe every actor in the show will continue on to do great things

THE ARTICLE I was gonna punch someone at that point I was so angry

Person in front of me: it's a show about autistic kids Me: The Police: so can you tell me what happened? Me: they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Sad that I will probably never see this show ever again

When people cheered for Mel or Remy ever my mom got all angry and tense and it was funny

I found it in myself to cheer for kings and queens being heteronormative right there in front of my mom and she hated me but whatever

MEL AND ASHLEY SHOULD HAVE KISSED AT THE END OF REINCARNATION PLEASE AND THANK YOU

The whole performance of Nothing At All, lighting and everything, was so perfect and I loved it

Sorry, sorry, not sorry <- reminded me of Six

It was so sad/funny/lots of emotions when Drew showed up to the dance that nobody else could make it to

I am a MAN (jk I am a minor) but I would so dress like Caroline like dying my hair pink right now

"You really want to dance with her that bad?" "YES"

The disco ball was beautiful

I related hard to Mel feeling abandoned by Ashley cuz I've had those experiences before

The part Mel and Remy sing in Butterflies after kings and queens are mentioned, sort of says to me that they feel like they don't belong in the conversation, because the idea of a king and queen excludes them (im not messing this order up in my head am i?) like I just wanted to scream "AND AN OVERLORD" cuz like yes there needs to be another option

Mel and Ashley should have kissed at the end of Reincarnation

Drew's e-mail to Dr. Amigo ashfjhadf I laughed so hard like the different ways of reading it uh yes please (that's what my brain does w/ everything lol)

I wanted to hug every single actor in the show with permission but unfortunately I was too scared to ask lol so I just stood awkwardly

I got to see the real-life Caroline at stage door and it was really cool!

I am so so grateful for the existence of this show, and I want to say thank you so much!!! I felt so seen and understood, even if only for the time I was in the theater.

I was so happy about the signs by the bathrooms (though of course I still used the ladies restroom) that said to go where you feel comfortable.

All honesty, this show showed me the good in my world. All the way around.

I have officially typed way more than I should have but let me say one more thing which is that I am about to spiral into my fanfiction phase for this story so prepare yourselves guys my Ao3 is micah_loves_sweaters if you want it lol

[davekat-sucks]

this might be somewhat offtopic, maybe not. i feel like advertisements and a money grabby world influences alot of peoples arts now a days and its quite apparent in fandom art as well.

the way people approach art is similar to showcasing a product, or a advertisement. no focus on backgrounds, no focus on story telling...

this is why you see stuff constantly with people focusing on gender identities and sexualities solely, as if its a product to advertisement. "get your new BIGENDER NEPETA DOLL" or something of the sort.

there is nothing beyond this, no story, no depth, nothing. just a product with a label. and i will be honest im so sick of fanart and art in general like this.

im saying this as someone whose a nonbinary autistic fuck but like, there is more to life than just gender identities and sexualities. i think its nice every now n then to embrace that but it feels like people are devoid of ideas? it feels like no one has anything to say, nothing to talk about. no interesting ideas to put forth. i really really dont care about lgbtq focused art like this.

like you mentioned what about stuff focusing on dave's interest in collecting dead stuff? or eridans interest in history and war? why is there no fanart on this kind of stuff? i want to see the kind of fanart that focuses on a characters hobbies, weird interests, WHY they might be into it or the weird habits they have due to those interests.

i also feel like this absolutely ties into ship art as well. it has the same essence of devoid of creativity for me that lgbt focused fanart does. cookie cutter images of characters standing next to eachother blushing in a blank void a million times over and its just kind of like... why do i care?

People think things such as personality and story come second to the characters when often times, it is needed to give audiences/readers a reason to care about them and the world they live in. All they are doing is just a checklist at times to see how progressive they are in order to get brownie points. I think why people don't go further in a characters' interest/hobbies or quirk is often because implications that may go deep the further one thinks about. For example: Eridan being into war and military history means him having a strong opinion when it comes to something like World War 2. Being the douche who is proud of what he is born as (a seadweller), people are scared thinking he might actually like Hitler. Even him reading something like Mein Kampf makes people flip the fuck out. If people want to say he draws the line at that, nobody can present an explanation of him in-character that would try to suggest he is against it. It's like people think certain bad guys draw the line at transphobia even when said villains have world-ending abilities at their fingertips or is known to be insane to harm anyone if they breathe within 3 yards. It makes all the ironic since they never do the same implications if they apply it to certain characters when headcanoning sexuality or race. Like people who blackwash Crona from Soul Eater, forgetting the fact that he was ABUSED BY HIS MOTHER. So are they fine with characters suffering even by their race or are they not? It's hard to please others these days on what depictions is okay to draw/write and what is not. Lots of ship art at least in the West, really plays it safe and only concerns to fluff and both couples being happy. Which is fine, but sometimes, relationships, from friendship and love, is a lot more complicated then that. Why isn't there much ships art or comics about one person being bad a cooking, but their partner endures it and eats it still because they didn't want to make the other feel sad? Or for the hate-fuck kind of side, have the two look badly damaged after they try to beat the partner up in crazy ways, but they still endure it because they don't want to be seen as weak or giving in to the other? Lots of people want that fairytale kind of romance where everything is nice and nothing bad happens. But at times, there is a better connection to seeing how people can face certain problems and find solutions to different situations they are in. Maybe we have been through that or it is something we are scared of thinking it could happen.

[daftpatience]

what are your thoughts on the movie that goes along with daft punk’s discovery. i’ve been thinking about it recently

EDIT I MIXED THIS ASK UP WITH ELECTROMA MY BAD. im not changig it cus i took too long writing this out so im sorry anon. as far as interstella 5555 i love it. yay anime

old answer below oopsie

it feels really sad to me. idk about what exactly the message was, i think its something about their fame? and desire to be unique? or feeling like their time is up. or job is done. or something. being trans and autistic the scene in the bathroom has extra meaning to me and it really punches me in the guts. i like the way that faceless characters have to act more with body language and i love that you can feel their despair and frustration and resignation and how they don't handle it exactly the same way.

it's absolutely because i know this now and it's colouring the way i see the film since the film is way older and the world is really different now, but this quote from Thomas bounces around in my head a lot when i watch it:

He cited concerns about the progress of artificial intelligence and other technology as to why Daft Punk split, saying: "As much as I love this character, the last thing I would want to be, in the world we live in, in 2023, is a robot."

im having a hard time articulating why exactly it makes me so sad, cus while i adore robot characters that are desperate for a sense of humanity (data, etc) for their autistic coded stuff and we all love the eroticism of the machine and robots that FEEL, i just feel like this:

[quijabored]

Spoilers for the entirety of S5 of BSD cuz I finished it and what the FUCK just happened

Where do I even begin

I can't take this shit anymore bro, HOW THE FUCK DO FICTIONAL MEN ON A LITTLE SCREEN MAKE ME SO EMOTIONAL

Cuz like-

And-

AH????

HOW DO I EVEN-

Okay okay uh

Dazai

WHAT THE FUCK DAZAI

FIRST OFF, I LOVE THAT MAN SO MUCH OH MY GOD

HE SCARED ME SO BADLY LIKE I KNEW HE WASNT GONNA DIE BUT IT JUST- SEEING THE BLOOD AND SEEING EVERYTHING FALL APART I CANT

I HAD TO PAUSE LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH CUZ I NEEDED TO PROCESS

SIGMA

HES SO SILLY

I FUCKING LOVE MY CHILDREN

Terribly sorry for the vulgar language I am very emotional right now how do I process this-

THE ENTIRE TIME HE WAS WITH DAZAI I WAS LIKE "Oooooh please join the ADA youd fit right in-"

EVEN WITH HIS FIRST APPEARANCE WHEN ATSUSHI SAVED HIM LIKE

AAAAHHHHHH

Asagiri please make ADA Sigma, ASAGIRI PLEASE

I REALLY HOPE HE GETS INTO THE ADA OH MY GOD

THE WHOLE HOME THING PLEASE I JUST

HES SO ME

I LOVE BSD OH MY GOD I LOVE BSD I LOVE BSD I LOVE BSD I-

THE WHOLE VAMPIRE STUFF GOES CRAZY WHAT THE FUCK

Can't believe Chuuya manadged to trick a mastermind with contact lenses and glued on fangs

THE WHOLE KENJI STUFF??? I LOVE HIM????

Please the fact that Tecchou is going out of his way to find Jouno like brother that is not straight I love them :(

WAAAAAAA KENJI GOT SO MUCH SHIT THIS SEASON AND PART OF THE LAST ONE TOO LIKE AAGHHH LET HIM HAVE A BREAK

I love Aya and Bram so much, I got sad and happy and upset and excited and-

AAAGGHHH

The table to pull the sword out had me so happy and then it failed and then she jumped down and then I got scared and then she got saved and-

ASAGIRIS PAYING FOR MY HOSPITAL BILLS BRO DEADASS ON THE VERGE OF A HEART ATTACK

AAAGHHHH BRAM SEES AYA AS LIKE HIS DAUGHTER RIGHT??? THEYRE SO CUTE I WANT THEM TO GO ON FAMILY OUTINGS AND HAVE ICE CREAM OR WHATEVER PARENTS DO WITH CHILDREN

"Use youre evil bwahaha power! Do something!"

I LOVE THEM :(

Ranpo getting stabbed in the hand scared me shitless though, like infront of Fukuzawa too??? Really??? Thats his autistic son :(

AAAAAAA okay, OKAY, I don't hate Fukuchi-

I didn't actually hate him, like he pisses me off but god damn he was one of my favorites for a bit and he's staying in top 15 (Not sure if hed make it into top 10 or not)

Fuck man, the shit with Fukuzawa and Fukuchi?? Made me tear up a bit tbh

YOU KNOW WHO I DO HATE??? FYODOR. THAT FUCKING BITCH-

I still want him, I love that man so much I love his character and and and-

THE SHIT HE MANADGED TO PULL OFF THOUGH??? AAAA????

LIKE

OH MY GOD AND THE SHIT WITH SIGMA

Pulling up the episode again to try and find the line

"It only took him 10 odd minutes to minipulate you. You arent the kind of man who would normally take such risks."

Like I read that and I was like "STOP THAT DO NOT TRY AND MINIPULATE MY SON"

And then he continued to try and minipulate my son. And succeeded. Kinda.

ALSO WHATS UP WITH THE NOTE

THE ONE THAT SAID HELP ME IN RUSSIAN

I REMEMBER HEARING PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THAT AND THEIR SPECULATION AS OF TO WHY FYODOR DIDNT MAKE IT BUT THEN LIKE IM PRETTY SURE HE DID??

Either Asagiris gonna pull some wild shit again or Fyodor really thought that far back.

I hate the whole DID section bro like fucking hell Fyodor, QUIT BEING AN ASSHOLE JUST LEAVE SIGMA ALONE :(

AAAAAAAA AND VAMP AKU??? BRO. BRO BRO BRO

I CANT

I CANT EXPLAIN IT BUT THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE ATSUSHIS LIKE "Akutagawa Ik youre in there D:"

LIKE AAAAAAA

THOSE TWO ARE NOT STRAIGHT OH MY GOD

AAAAAAAAA BACK TO DAZAI, WHEN HE GOT SHOT I WAS LIKE "UH UH UH NONONO HES MOT DEAD CUZ- UH- UHHHH CUZ CHUUYA USED HIS INSIDE MIND POWERS AND STOPPED THE BULLET"

I WAS KINDA RIGHT CUZ I DID GENUINELY THINK HE WAS A VAMPIRE AND I WAS LIKE CHUUYA NO

Can't believe Chuuya manadged to trick me with contact lenses and glued on fangs-

AHHH WHEN DAZAI GOT "SHOT" I WAS COPING SO HARD THOUGH

And then I didn't have to cope so that was nice :3

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY I WAS WHEN FYODOR GOT STABBED IN THE HELICOPTER

OH MY GOD I LOVED THE SCENE BECAUSE PLOT BUT FUCK I HATED THAT SCENE CUZ FYODORS ONE OF MY FAVORITES BRO

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I NEED TO KILL THAT GUY :(

AAAAAAAA AND NIKOLAI??? HELP??? MY SON??? ITS OKAY ITS OKAY ITS GONNA BE OKAY

"You wanted to kill him, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I certainly did. No, I didnt. No... Youre right."

FUCK.

FUCKING HELL ASAGIRI IM GONNA CRY

Please Asagiri make him come back so he can be like "nooo Nikolai Im not actually dead, youre actually halucinating" or something CUZ FUCK I CANT HAVE NIKOLAI LOOKING SO SAD

HE LOOKS SO VULNERABLE AND I JUST-

AAAAAAAAAA????

Just to be clear, I'm so glad Fyodors dead, I got attached to him knowing he was probably gonna die, and while I do feel hurt by it, HE CAN STOP PESTERING THE ADA YAAAAYYYY

AND IN TURN, SIGMA :DDD

(Hes an ADA member now trust guys trust)

AAAAAAA FUKUCHI AND FUKUZAWA BRO

WHEN FUKUZAWA SLASHED HIM AND WE SAW HIS EXPRESSION LIKE AAAAA

I KEPT SAYING I HATED FUKUCHI BUT I REALLY DIDNT, EVEN IF IT TOOK HIM DYING (??) TO REALIZE THAT

THE WHOLE SCENE WHERE FUKUCHI WAS TELLING FUKUZAWA TO KILL HIM LIKE AAAGGHHHH

AND THE WHOLE WANTING WORLD PEACE LIKE AAAAAAAA

WAAAAAAAA

AND THEN HE GETS KILLED BY TERUKO??? AAA??

MY BABY SHE WAS CRYING I FELT SO BAD LIKE AAAAAHHH

"Dont look at him! Dont do this to him..." WHEN SHE WAS TALKING TO ATSUSHI AFTER LIKE FUCK

AND THEN FUKUZAWA YELLING LIKE WAAAAAAAAAA YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME BRO

ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI-

AND THE WAY FUKUZAWA WAS HOLDING HIM PLEASE IM GONNA CRY

I don't usually cry for animes since I just suck with emotions, but this damned show made me pause before the ending to just sob for a good 5 minutes

And now with that out of the way,

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??? FYM 2 HOURS LATER??? HOW IS THE WORLD ON FIRE IN 2 HOURS??? HELLO?????

SWITCHING TO THE MANGA THE NEXT TIME I WANNA BSD CUZ ITS SLIGHTLY MORE PROGRESSED FROM MY UNDERSTANDINGS BUT AAAAAAA

FUKUCHI HAD ME SOBBING AND THEN HE COMES BACK AS LIKE A GOD THING??? I THINK????

IS FUKUCHI DEAD OR NOT????

I mean considering he's floating I have no idea what happens BUT STILL

AAAAAAAAA I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH IT MAKES ME GO YAY AND THEN NO AND THEN YAY AND THEN NO AND-

SHOUTOUT TO MY COUSIN BTW SHES BEEN SITTING THERE WATCHING ME POUR MY HEART OUT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS DAMN SHOW

I can't ramble to her about much since she's also watching it, BUT AAAAAAA

I LOVE BSD SO MUCH IM SOBBING

I HATE THIS I LOVR THEM SO MUCH I HATE BSD I HATE IT I HATE IT OH MY GOD (I love bsd its my comfort show :3)

[relaxxattack]

hwy so i saw ur poll ab arasol and f they were matesprits or not and ive been into homestuck for about 7 years and its a special interest and im autistic and thwy are my first and tbh only otp anf so if this is ok i wld like to infodump my opinion/hcs ab them bc i just 🥰 i love them sm 🥰 (def not frothing at the mouth at the idea of an audience for my opinions bc everyone irl is sikc of me lmao /lh)

ok so i deffo think they ar e matesprits BUT i think they never liie. clearly confirmwd it while aradia was alive. and once she became ghost aradia i think she got so distant and aloof (i think thats the right word?) about everytuing that it made sollux feel like she disnt love him anymore, and he eventually just had to move on, even thouvh it hurt. and feferi was there, not necessarily as a "rebound" but as a shoulder to cry on. someone for sollux to confide in, and to listen to him because he didnt have anyonw else he felt like woild. and i feel like feferi was def nto him and wanted to be his matesprit but i think sollux wasnt really. and i think they developed a kind of mixed/blurred lines relationship and the whole ghost and aradiabot phases pushed him and aradia furhter apart because aradia was dealinf wth so so much and in turn sollux was dealinf with the loss of his presumed (unofficial, wtv) matesprit, because that wasnt the aradia he knew and had fallen in love with. the ghost thing wasnt a bother - he loved her, not her physical form - it was the personality shift, i think.

and so when she reached god tier and regained her body nd her sense of identity, ithink they started to rekindle what they had nefore, if that makes sense? like aradia was his aradia again, an aradia interested in life and adventuee and archaeology and not this stupid, stupid game and suddenly not everything felt like it was collapsing around him and he felt like things could be okay again. and she helped him and he helped her and together they did make thinfs okay again. with each other.

and i think aradia's living>ghost>aradiabot>godtier timeline is a good allegory for depression and how it can absolutely shatter your sense of self and strip your world of colour and how that can make you push people away and self isolate and whatnot. idk thats just how i see it but :3 yea

i havet checkwd out the epilogues or homestuck^2 btw so this is based solely off of andrew hussie's homestuck bc i love it sososo much anyways yea !!!! tysm if anybody took the time to read this i love u all!! and ty for letting me drop this in ur askbox lolz and yea :3 srry if this isnt v comprehensive i just got off an 8hr closing shift at work lmao <3

this is a REALLY good analysis and i really love it, thank you for sharing! this makes complete sense to me.

aradia's depression being the catalyst for their split is very true! especially since she then sort of broke his trust with the whole sgrub thing-- and before that interacting with her was hard because sollux felt so guilty about what he did to her. it's just sad on all accounts, and i'm glad they both got better

honestly my poll was more to ask the question; "so we all agree that aradia and sollux were matesprits right because they do NOT act like moirails lol but it's funny because if they're matesprits that makes the feferi business weirder", but i don't think it came across in the post correctly, pfft

yes i definitely agree that they were matesprits, and also the idea that feferi was more into sollux than he was her is a really interesting one-- i also wonder if maybe feferi was maybe less into sollux than she thought, herself-- it's possible she threw herself into that relationship because she was just so relieved to be finally cut off from eridan and "allowed" to have relationships like that. but that's just my thought!

at the end of the day they're all just kids trying stuff out and it's kind of adorable and not that serious. i'm an arasoler at heart but there's nothing wrong with solfef either

[abey-baby-apologist]

clone high final episode spoilers below! (9 n 10)

holy fuck im so happy. even though im super annoyed how they keep throwing a bunch of really good ideas for relationships and plot in the trash- im just so happy with what we got. 

OK FIRST EPISODE 9??? THE ANIMATION WAS SO FUCKING GOOD AND I HAD TO PAUSE BECAUSE WHEN WESLEY WAS FLAILING IN THE SEA, IT WAS DAMN smooth and pleasant to watch, as morbid as it sounds lol. that whole scene with the comic-esque vibe was so so pleasing. 

and that whole episode was super like, sad but funny. i literally stood up and yelled when Mr. B was getting near the edge. like i probably woke up every single one of my neighbors in like.. a 50 mile radius it was that bad im so fucking annoying about this show. 

BUT THEN SCUDS SAVED HIM AND I WAS SO HAPPY, LIKE THEYRE LITERALLY AN OLD COUPLE, AND LITERALLY THEY’RE FATHERS TO THEIR CLONE KIDS AND THEYRE ALL SUCH A BIG HAPPY FAMILY AND AUGHHHH im gonna draw family stuff with them so bad. I WISH THESE EPISODES CAME OUT BEFORE FATHERS DAY IT WOULD’VE BEEN PERFECT. 

ok, episode 10 i have to take a deep breath with. i am VERY happy. and idk if it was because the bar was so low, or if it was because i was so anxious i was vomiting everywhere because i needed content so bad, but i am overjoyed. 

THE ABETOPH CONTENT WE GOT WAS SO GOOD. WE HAVE LIKE... 3 NEW CUTE PHOTOS OF THEM HANGING OUT, AND LIKE A BUNCH OF MOMENTS OF ABE CARRYING TOPHER ON HIS BACK. was it because he was being tophers lackey? fine, sure, whatever. BUT AFTER THAT WHEN JFK BROKE TOPHERS PHONE IT WAS OVER (im upset it wasnt developed on further because people who didnt watch it in real time like us will surely be fine. so fuck you.) 

Also, ABE AND JFKS FREINDSHIP HOLUYDBIUJEWNFJKNF oh my god not to be autistic but i was stimming so fucking hard WHEN THEY HUGGED, I WAS LIKE YES FINALLY. FINALLLLLYYY!!! theyre my sweet boys and THAT WHOLE FRIEND GROUP HAS ME IN TEARS. LIKE abe and Confucius are already bros, as we see them playing in the school yard, and JFK and Confucius are already bros from the sleepover episode, but NOW JFK AND ABE ARE BROS. FUCK. YEAH. oh and tophers there too. i like how they treat topher tbh. like hes just there until he says something out of pocket and they’re just like stfu. 

but with the girls friend group.. oof. i honestly loved them so much, especially with cleo, but NOW ITS FUCKED. and its not even joans fault tbh. like when i was watching the scene where frida dropped joan i was like “damn” but then, JOAN MENTIONS HOW SHE HELPED EVERYONE BEFORE AND I WAS LIKE “DAYYYYYYUUMMMM UR RIGHT” so now im conflicted. But again like??? bruh i would choose cleo too tbh lmao.

Also, i’m glad clone college isn’t real. because jfk mentions about taking shelly to .. biology? which i think is a only 1st year class. and in the original clone high everyone is like “omg u hit puberty over summer” Which i feel is typically something thats potrayed in media AFTER middle school. but i could be wrong so, idk. just really glad they didn’t do the clone college bc i hate change. also theyre 16 lmao. OR MAYBE THEY WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT... in the future when highschools done?? IDK. IDC.

anyway. im scared for joans friend group and i fucking love joan, and i am in love with abe, toph, jfk, and Confucius’s little bromances and augh. im so happy. and THE CLIFF HANGER WASN’T TERRIBLE ALSO, IN MY OPNINON. 

im just glad joanabe wasn’t endgame. i mean, i would be pretty happy because im a sucker for childhood friends to lovers but also NOOOOOO joan deserves better. so. yeah 10/10 

if you read this far, holy crap, im proud of you, and ily 

that is my review on the finale so i’ll be making so much content now that im not on the brink of collapsing everytime i think of clone high. like trust me im gonna try and stretch out this fixation for as long as i can. though im probably gonna draw a surplus of abe and jfk art bc they were my fav in 2020

[cl0wntwn]

I HAVE BEEN INSPIRED TO TALK ABOUT MY CATHAL INTERP

ok hi wow i'm posting something that isn't what i usually do but i want to share because. idk i'm autistic abt cathal and my personal interp could be taken as a mischaracterization(?) of the character so i want to ramble. it's a mix of projections, my interpretations of things cathal says/does, and headcanons. this is just gonna be a glorified bulletpoint list with little to no organization im so sorry. this obviously be inspired by this post cause i love it so much i'm rotating it in my mind please go check it out. this whole ramble was supposed to go into the tags of that post but i think i can organize it better in a text post. i can also share it easier. but please go read that post if u haven't :D

first things first, cathal is depressed.

ain't that a shocker? he's been depressed for a while, but it never really got to "i don't want to do anything ever" until he was hired at C.O.G.S. inc., and even then it's not really the main reason. it does make it hard for him to do things that he's asked of. he's not incapable of doing things though, unless he's like. super unmotivated or sad.

cathal is a papa's boy.

he loves his dad. ever since he was a kid, he's loved his dad. he appreciates the patience he has with him, he appreciates that his dad is willing to take hit for him not doing his work, his dad is first and foremost in his mind. his dad comes before his own wellbeing. which goes into my next point well...

seeing his dad being destroyed every day hurts cathal bad.

it is the main reason he hates working at C.O.G.S. inc.. yeah, the work sucks, it leaves him drained most of the time (which i will hit later), but the fact that he has to watch his own father basically fall to his death every day makes it all so much worse. not to mention he has a clear view of it from his office.

how does cathal cope with this stuff?

by distracting himself. and not doing his work at all. the work he has to do already drains him and what little energy his depression gives him, but i don't think seeing your dad dying every day helps with motivation. he distracts himself by watching tv and ignoring what he needs to do.

this is not to say that he is unaware of the work he has to do, he knows all the work he puts off piles up on him. but piles of work doesn't seem like the most easy thing to do... so he just keeps putting it off and putting it off, and his dad lets him get away with it by making excuses for him. it stresses him out, which makes him not want to do it more, and the cycle continues...

also believe it or not, cathal actually thinks about the future and is very stressed about it.

he knows that when his dad either retires or... can't work anymore, cathal's going to be the new department lead. and because he has literally no experience working where he is now. he's scared he's gonna get thrown into work he doesn't know how to do or doesn't want to do.

so why did cathal apply at C.O.G.S. inc. in the first place?

short answer, he wanted to make his dad proud and didn't process the gravity of applying to C.O.G.S. inc.. he didn't think it would take so much effort and energy to work a full time job. but now that he's been in it for a while, he's afraid to quit. he doesn't want to upset his dad or make the lack of work he's done worse by throwing it on others.

aaaand that's all i can think of. if i can think of anything else i'll edit this post and reblog it or smth. thank u for reading <3

[0xo]

that post about trying to break cycles by being nothing like ur abuser but actually failing to grow better behaviors... (tw lots of talk of suicide and death, mentions of abuse)

really hitting hard rn considering the death of my uncle who hated his (admittedly terrible) father but ended up perpetuating the same exact bullshit onto his wife and kids. and then died bc he couldn't face that fact. like when faced w divorce and the idea of losing his control over his family he... fucked off and died. (still don't have details on how, unsure if it was on purpose but. signs point to...) [AND PREFACING WITH: i do NOT think all people who die by suicide are cowardly or bad people or anything like that. i am talking about a very specific and complicated situation in my own family. please do not interpret this as me saying that all people who die by suicide were bad people/dodging responsibility/could've "worked harder to improve their situation." i know deeply that that is NOT the case, i have been personally impacted by suicide in other ways. i am just discussing one person and the circumstances around his death.]

and of course im sad, we were close once, he is family. ofc im sad he felt dying was better than trying to sort out his life or trying to be a good coparent. but the way he treated his (very sweet, very patient) wife was deeply unacceptable to me. he isolated her, and didn't properly care for his high-support needs autistic kids, and pinned it all on her. he was terrible to my mother and forced all my grandma's end of life care on my mother. he hurt us a lot with his behavior.

and like. i don't think he necessarily deserved to die bc of it, right? he had his own issues, he cut himself off too and refused help from everyone, these problems run in the family and he knew that and still wouldn't accept help. and you can't MAKE anyone accept help. but i can't help but think that if he'd, maybe, been open to the people who loved him, he could've... restructured. he was so smart, so clever, so creative! he could've done anything he wanted to, he was so good at anything he tried.

and yet. in trying to avoid being like his father. he ended up doing all the same things. and i think that was too much for him to handle. and i hate that, i hate that so much.

he leaves behind two brilliant, brilliant children - they're SO CLEVER. but he couldn't accept their support needs and didn't treat them well. they don't even know he's dead yet, i don't think. but they love him, and he saw them as manipulative and trying to intentionally ruin his life. they're small children. they haven't even developed the capability to manipulate yet, they just want some chocolate milk, right? and yet he compared those kids to his father.

it just hurts. this wasn't necessary. my poor fucking mum is now an orphan with two dead siblings. how is she meant to deal with all this? how is she supposed to reconcile the grief of his needless death with the absolutely shit way he treated her and their mother?

luckily we love his widow very much and we will make sure she and the kids are okay. but i truly don't understand anything. it just sucks balls to watch someone ruin their own life and leave a giant fucked up mess behind. and then everyone's saying sorry and apologizing for my loss, like i didn't lose him years ago, like we were still close, like i'm not angry with the way he treated the people around him. we grew up like siblings. but that connection was basically severed when he started acting like a jackass. i don't know how to respond to people trying to comfort me. they all assume i'm really really sad, and i am, but i'm also pissed off, and i don't think anyone knows what to do with that.

because you're not supposed to be pissed at someone for dying, especially if it's probably suicide, you're meant to be tragically sad. you're not supposed to say they were wrong, you're supposed to apologize for being wrong and not seeing the signs earlier, you're supposed to be sorry. and you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, even if they were fucking complicated, you're meant to shove all those negative emotions aside to grieve the good of them.

and i do grieve the good of him! i grieve the family member he could've been if he had actually broken cycles! but i'm fucking angry. you don't get to treat everyone around you like shit and then kill yourself to get out of being remembered as an asshole. it doesn't work like that. you're still an asshole, now you're just dead and can't take responsibility for fucking up people's lives. i'm sorry he felt that was the best way out. AND good god, he was a grown man with every opportunity to improve himself. and he chose to stagnate and be fucking mean. dying in a shit way doesn't erase that.

and like, listen, i understand that people are complicated. i don't think everyone who dies by suicide is an asshole. MOST people who do were genuinely failed by the people and systems around them, they weren't bad people, they were in bad situations. they didn't have help or a way out. it's not inherently selfish or evil, it's fucking devastatingly sad.

and mental illness is complicated and hard. like. hm. i don't think it's his fault he was fucked up, it runs heavy in our family, he was traumatized too. but. he talked so much about growing past that and then just... didn't. he had support, he had a good therapist, he talked the talk. and didn't walk the walk AT ALL. he treated people like dirt. and i understand that certain illness our family is prone to, they make it extremely hard to get or accept help, okay? i get that. i really do. but you can't just fall back on mental illness and trauma as an excuse for financially/emotionally abusing your wife and neglecting-to-the-point-of-abusing your children. it wasn't okay when his dad did it and it's not okay that he did it. and what makes it worse is that he was so aware of how fucked up his childhood made him, and self-aware enough to superficially recognize his own faults, but not enough to change how he interacted with people. why must these cycles continue! why!

i'm so angry and so sad. i don't even know my cousins well because he was so ashamed of how poorly he treated them that he cut us off from them. he hated my mum and so held me at arm's length to avoid interacting with her in any capacity. they're sweet kids...

anyways. sorry. im just so so so so so so so so so tired of death in my family and abuse cycles. im so tired in general and these giant unnameable unfathomable emotions don't help. i feel like the suicide element makes it even harder to talk about, because i sound like an absolute cunt for saying any of this to people who don't know the situation. nothing about it is simple. nothing about it is easy. i don't know what to do anymore at all tbh!!!!!!

[hex-rex]

arcane, scarlet hollow, aos, and bg3 for tha fandom asks!

THANK YOU THANK YOU 😁

putting it under a cut cuz itll be long

Arcane:

Favorite Male Character

Ekko! All the men in that show suck besies Ekko, Vander and Silco so that was NOT a hard decision 😁

Favorite female character

I wonder. Who that could be. *glances at my pfp* I truly dont know. *glances at my popular tags* I have no idea. (ITS JINX!!)

Least favorite character

Jayce and his little nerd friend. Characters are WHAGEVER but the fandom is so annoying over them I can no longer stand them. Also that little MUPPET.

Favorite ship

Caitvi! Also easy choice cuz there arent really any ships I enjoy that much in the show.

Favorite friendship

Jinx and Ekko! I actually enjoy them as friends more than I do lovers.

Favorite quote

Its actually my queue tag lmaoo, "You're Perfect" bc it just hits hard EVERY time.

Worst character death

AUGH. SILCO. Heartbreaking everytime 💔 character death was actually very good but I'm taking 'worst' to mean 'saddest.'

This made me sososo happy

Absolutely no joy can be retrieved by watching this show. You will be beaten up. The director will come find you and kill you slowly. (I actually really like the intro scene in the first episode when theyre stealin and theiven)

Saddest moment

Hard question because there are. many. Scenes to choose from, but Vi punching Powder is up there, along with the tea party scene and the oil and water scene.

Favorite location

Well there are two. But I like the underground more 😁

Scarlet Hollow:

Favorite Male character

You never realize how little male characters there are until you think about how little male characters there are. My real favorite in my heart of hearts is Dustin the Possum, but I also like Wayne because. Well. He's neat♥️

Favorite female character

HARD question they have so many good charas but my favorite is Tabby. Mean old grumpy cousin❤️ (and also Grechen. Of course:))

Least favorite character

THAT OLD LADY SIBIL!!! MAKING MY DRINK THE TEA. LOCKIN KANEEKA AWAY. OLD WOMAN!!!!!

Favorite ship

Stellabitha or whatever there ship name is!!! Love me some lesbian denial.

Favorite friendship

Avery and Stella !! Very underrated duo. (Also using this as an excuse to say Avery is my favorite, despite not being able to say that anywhere else)

Favorite quote

SCREW YOU AND YOUR PEANUTS!!!

Worst character death

I actually only got one. SO. Im saying Gretchen because she CAN die even tho I never let her 😁

This made me sososo happy

THE SCENE WHERE YOUR DRINKING CREAM SODA WITH TABITHA!!! YAYAYAY!!

Saddest moment

Technically I didn't get this but the scene where your burning Reese alive???? Is so sad?????

Favorite location

I like Oscars haunted house quite a bit. And the diner :D

Aos:

Favorite Male character

FITZ!!!! Autistic little man who may have some dead braincells 😁

Favorite female character

SKYE!!!! Autistic little woman who may have some attachment issues 😁

Least favorite character

Truly a hard question to answer bc there isn't anyone I dislike that much, but I suppose Ward? He is a really interesting character though and I enjoy how he breaks the typical trope.

Favorite ship

Hard to answer cuz there arent alot of great ships unfortunately! But I am officially rooting for FitzSimmons 😁. I have to admit they're cute, I take back what I said before 😞

Favorite friendship

Fitz-Skye. The parallels between them and Ward is crazy. I als really like Simmons-May.

Favorite quote

Hard to answer AGAIN cuz this show has a lot of good one-liners but currently I like 'sometimes a miracle can be born from an accident' or whateva it is!

Worst character death

RAINA!!!!!! SOBBING AND SOBBING AND SOBBING.

This made me sososo happy

Ward getting beat to death 😁

Saddest moment

So far, Fitz drowning himself for Simmons and also Skye visiting her father at the vet clinic 😩

Favorite location

I really liked the inhuman sanctuary!!! Great season all in all.

Bg3:

Favorite Male character

WYLL!!!!

Favorite female character

Least favorite character

ORIN!!!!

Gale. Chris started giving headcanons on his lesbian hating and now I can't stand him .....

Favorite ship

Karzelheart or whateva it is! KarlachXlaezelXshadowheart 😁

Favorite friendship

Astarion and Shadowheart!!!!!!! Mean girl elves with white hair.

Favorite quote

THE🔥FULL💯CONCENTRATED😑POWER���OF‼️THE🫵SUN☀️🌞⛅🥵🔆♨️🔥🌶️

Worst character death

ORIN!!! AAAAAARGH ORINNNNNN

This made me sososo happy

THE SWIM SCENE WITH SHADOWHEART IS SO CUTE!!!!! Also Karlachs first romance scene !!!

Saddest moment

The conversation with Karlach right after killing Gortash hits me in the guts everytime :(

Favorite location

Idk if this counts but I really like all of act 3. Very fun 👍. Real answer is the carnival tho 😁

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Vent post below the cut about being aroace and amatanormativity. Yes I’m okay nothing happened im just mopey.

Thoughts I am having:

- I do not feel comfortable with the idea of me having a romantic partner

- I don’t even really enjoy the idea of just one best friend I’m dedicated to, like a QPP; I don’t think I have that attraction either

- I like my roommates well enough, but I won’t be in college here forever; I have grad school, and then internship, and then. Being a neuropsychologist. All of those things cannot be at my current college, because they aren’t taking students or employing people in that program.

- I was completely on my own in my current apartment for the first week and I didn’t like it. It was very lonely and I had a lot of anxiety about being alone if something bad happened. I don’t think I want to live alone in the future.

- I absolutely do NOT want to live at home if I can avoid it. I love my family very much but I would honestly rather be alone, with the loneliness and anxiety, than be at home 24/7.

- I also didn’t enjoy living with roommates I wasn’t close friends with. I got lucky in sophomore year that I made fast friends with my roommates, but freshman year sucked, not least because I felt alone even with two other people living in the same 2 bedroom dorm suite.

- It doesn’t help that I’m autistic and ADHD, which doesn’t make me the best roommate in general. I struggle to remember to clean up after myself, I don’t make new friends easily, executive function makes it hard to do chores around the apartment, and I’m not the greatest at communication. Heck, sometimes I just fully forget to shower for a week. I try my best to be a good roommate but like. I’m never not going to be disabled. I’m not going to magically be a great roommate to get people to like me more or to make friends faster.

- So then. I want to live with multiple friends of mine, who understand and accommodate my needs, without being romantically or queerplatonically attracted to any of them, just as roommates who enjoy each other’s company.

- How on earth is *that* gonna happen?

I know I’m borrowing trouble and that it’ll probably work out fine I just feel. Lonely. I’m aroace, and like. There’s no sexual or romantic or queerplatonic attraction at all. It’s just platonic. But to most other people, those other types of attraction matter a lot in who they live with or stay around. And I can’t provide any of that. Obviously amatanormativity is not accurate to human relationships and people can live together and just be good friends and nothing else, but like. Practically. I don’t really have any examples of that happening irl. And I just feel sad about it being a lot harder not to be alone.

[dayurno]

you are so cute and sweet but UR PINTEREST BOARD LINK DOESNT WORK FOR ME be still my tender heart…… that is ok im imagining it in my mind palace. unfortunately i actually am like. kind of a freak and all my ideas live in my brain space and jumbled notes + so i don’t have anything fic-specific BUT. i Will grant you my kevin (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jtCq6lXKxJeaIEEZ4mNoO?si=HZJJ-rwTTmShM8z1bL7M7A&pi=u-HaC1d26IRgKR) and jean (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0s4McJXNv5B0kM3zkcmWMv?si=PTIG6mYSTG2mvhqrbL7dDA&pi=u-9TZa7fgfQnS-) playlists respectively. i listen to them + my aftg playlist a lot while writing and many of the songs in them make me think of kerejean anyway :3

i am an unrepentant jeredrew enjoyer. i think they would make the silliest bffs possible. that lucky-slice art was soooo special to me. andrew just, of course, immediately hates kevin and jean and doesn’t trust their intentions. especially because of how they meet which i don’t know if we need to get into now... the feeling is very mutual though (and kevin is salty because in his last year of college he tried to have andrew recruited to the foxes and andrew ignored the hell out of him and followed jeremy to USC instead). the antics and dynamics are very very fun to write. jean compares what andrew is to jeremy as what neil is to kevin at one point and kevin is scandalized.

also due to the contents of this blog i feel like ive really undersold this fic by not mentioning the BITING sooner. i just think you need to know there’s lots of casual biting. of all varieties…. Heheh. kevin warns jeremy that jean is a biter very early on and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he too likes to nibble on boyfriends…… jeremy joins them ^-^ kevin complains so much when he’s being attacked by both of them. they’re really cute and very special to me

I'M SO SORRY LOVIE ITS UP NOW....... i forgor it was a secret board...... BUT NOW IT IS NOT >:)

CAN I SAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! YOUR KEVIN PLAYLISTTTT..... more than a woman by the bee gees you really understand it all so very clearly. acolyte!!! and vienna :) AND KILLER QUEEN WHICH MADE ME REALLY HAPPY and northern downpour too....... i always love when kevin playlists specifically include this very deliberate kind of popular classics that never go away..... and i especially always love when kevin playlists have cheerful joyful music too..... it gets boring listening to the same sad songs again and again! MORE THAN A WOMAN MADE ME REALLY HAPPY LOL kevin day... you are more than a woman to me...!!! just as a last comment the kids arent alright is such a kevinsong i'm so glad you had it too.... blessed be the boys time cant capture :)

i love your jean playlist too!!! It just had more songs i didnt know hehe but i loved glory and gore.... right where you left me;;;; first time by lucy dacus! AND NINA CRIED POWER. i think jean is such a hozier character to me the jean song of all times is 'it will come back' i think it's very how i see him. I ALWAYS WANNA DIE (SOMETIMES) awhagag...... AND ONCE MORE TO SEE YOU which is i fear kevjeanisms to the extreme.... only friend :) these were so lovely thank you i love it i love it all

i was wondering if i ever shared my jean playlist here and i dont think so because it was rather unfinished after all but decided to work some more on it and here it is! and my kevjean too but this one's a LOT more messy! you were warned!!!!

KANDREW BEEF :-) for me you have to have them growing closer later on.... please..... i need jeremy to be disconcerted because kevin gets along well with his impossible to get along with best friend. its important for me. is neil also a milf in this one? are you writing side andreil? so many questions!!!!!! AND BITING WHEH honestly this is all in terms with kevin (the normal nibbler, just autistic) and jean (Predator Instincts Only Slightly Dulled From Years Of Domestication). where does jeremy fall in the spectrum? THEY SHOULD ATTACK KEVIN as often and as hard as possible.... remind him of the food chain a little bit. sir you are under this 23 year old how do you feel. i feel like this age thing really is incredible sorry. maybe its because with canon jeremy is older than kevin but im getting light headed thinking about it..... kevin getting mauled by some guy who just graduated from college. and also of course

kevin taking a stolen drag from jeans cig: isnt that weird? when you were starting highschool i was already in college

jeremy: can yuo put that out on me. please

[kanna-banana]

Ok, serious talk, I know nobody wants to read this but I'll feel better posting somewhere as opposed to vomiting my feelings all over my friends again, they've had enough, please feel free to ignore this and I'll be back to being silly in no time

Ok so, I know my blog is uncomfortable to read, I understand that my negativity and constant venting is at best annoying and at worst upsetting, i am aware of that but I also know that bottling up is worse to me and i feel like a liar if i just pretend everything is fine and just post silly stuff here.

My friends keep telling me I'm not a horrible person and am pretty funny actually and I think that is because they've know me for years and I was like that but things have not been going well im the last few years.

Yes I am not a bad person and I can be funny sometimes, but all of that gets overshadowed by the numerous mental issues I have and cannot cope with properly.

English is not my first language language so this gets a bit confusing because this nuance is pretty tricky in the language but as you all know is that "i am" can mean either "i am like this at the moment" (example "I'm cold" or "I'm hungry", those are not things that are inherent to you, they are temporary states) or "i am like this PERIOD" (example "I'm human" or "I'm Brazilian", they are permanent states about yourself)

Now

I know I AM (inherent) creative, funny sometimes, alright at drawing, and a bunch of other nice things people say about me when I'm crying, but you have to understand that i also am (temporary) completely fucked up mentally and emotionally, I'm not saying I'm going to be "cured" from being autistic btw, I'm counting not being able to handle my issues "being a bad temporary thing", like, i will never stop having ADHD symptoms (cannot afford a diagnosis so I'll just call them symptoms for now, or signs if you thing the word 'symptom' is a bit tone deaf) but i know i can learn how to live with it and function, even if my functioning looks very different from what's expected from a neurotypical person.

I am, at the moment, NOT DEALING WITH MY SHIT PROPERLY, and THAT is the issue I believe can be fixed. I will never have a good knee again, even after the surgery I just feel less pain, but i can learn how to adapt to my limitations, you know?

So, I am not, inherently, a failure, i know I'm not stupid or ugly or boring, but I'm so full of debuffs that basically I'm a piece of shit right now.

Yes, I did quit my job and tried to become a web developer and it went catastrophically bad, but I can't even count that as a failure because i NEEDED to quit that job either way (it was destroying my mental health) and if you're gonna quit going to live with a friend so dear to you she's basically a sister for a while and learning a skill you always wanted to at least start learning, isn't it worthy?

Yeah I "failed", but the happiness i felt along the way was worth even if it didn't work out in the end.

I know that, my mind knows that, but my feelings are absolute chaos and I sometimes fall into a deep self hatred spiral that makes me believe lies about everything around me, it even makes me believe everyone secretly hates me, which is OBJECTIVELY not true, if there's one thing I am in this world is loved.

I know it's sad, annoying, or even upsetting to see my posts and I'm not going to pretend they're inevitable, I CAN stop myself and I should have better restraint, I'm failing at that and I apologize for all the negative feelings I might have caused.

I know it's a pretty hard goal considering how my life is a huge mess right now, but my goal in life is to be the trans person i needed to meet when I was in the closet.

I want to be the type of happy, mature and intelligent person that my friends were when I met them 6? 7 years ago?

The people that completely shattered an entire lifetime of prejudice and fear that was forced into my brain since i was a toddler, the type of people that made me look at transphobic posts and go "that's not true, I've met trans people and they're some of the best people i know", the type of people who made me realize living as who you really are is both possible and achievable.

I want to be that person, someone who, just by being themselves, can melt away prejudice or at least be that kink in the armor of an angry reactionary that one day will help shatter the barrier of lies they protect themselves with and help them see that this hate was manufactured to use them as paws in a stupid made up culture war.

I got out of this horrible place with the help of wonderful people i will never be able to thank enough, and my dream is to help others out too.

I'm not saying i want to "trans" others, obviously, just to show that we are not the weird monsters thet so many out there want you to believe we are. To destroy the prejudice with the power of a honest, happy existence.

I want to be the person I needed when I was younger, lost, depressed, considering suicide, and constantly angry at anyone the liars and grifters who I trusted told me to hate.

I want to become the person who would have saved me back them.

I know it's going to take a lot of work, I have many barriers ahead of me, some inside of myself, some external, but neither way I have a LOT of work to do, and if there's one thing i can never do is give up.

I don't even know what "giving up" means at this point, I have to keep going, not only for myself but for those I might help in the future.

I can't change the past. I can't erase the harm my bigoted ignorant words caused, but I can grow into a person who heals as much as i used to hurt.

I know I'm a handful right now, and I am trying to control my words until i have the means to work on myself and improve as a person. Just, please be patient with me. If my posts upset you in the past please for your own sake unfollow/block me, I'm sorry I hurt you while trying to hurt myself, but unfortunately it will probably happen again, and there's nothing wrong with distancing yourself from someone that hurts you, even if they didnt INTEND to hurt you.

I am NOT (inherent) a failure

I am (temporary) failing

But I will get better.

I don't know how, I don't really have a plan, but I will figure it out somehow.

Life is not a game. I am not in a "doomed run", I can and I WILL live and be the best person I can be.

Thank you.

[jounosparticles]

HAJDSJD omg im glad we're both brain rotting about this now LMAO okay

i thought about the surgery thing. it was mentioned that tachihara was given less than the others due to his nature as a spy, but im not sure if he can survive or not. if worst comes to worst, im sure he could get the surgery files and have a more private doctor do it. i admit that i haven't thought enough about it, i just kind of assumed tachihara would be fine or somehow find another solution

ALSO YES YES OMG DAZAI AND JOUNO BONDINF!! j feel like the parallels between their pasts would cause some tension at first though. in my mind jouno probably avoids his past like the plague, while dazai embraces it as a part of him or whatever. maybe they intimidate each other at first and then come to realise that they're not threats & actually have a bit in common.

also this doesn't relate to the whole topic but i really desperately want to see tachihara and jouno bond over blindness. like.. as someone that's been losing my vision my whole life, it can be very scary + tachihara's wound was due to a traumatic and severe injury, not just a disease. jouno and tachi seem to be fairly close, from what i barely remember of season 4 and i think this could bring them closer, mafia aside.

also, ranpo and tecchou are very autistic coded. i feel like their autism would clash personally. like in my mind ranpo has very visual stims but tecchou is sensitive to the light. i don't think it'd be a huge deal, they'd just learn to leave each other be when clashes happen.. but i can also see them growing close too.

ALSO YES TECCHOU AND KENJI MENTORSHIP/FRIENDSHIP. tecchou is definitely a big brother figure imo like i think he'd be great at taking care of people. not in huge gestures but in little ways like bringing them stuff that reminds him of them or minor acts of service. and kenji very much seems like a family oriented type of person.

IDK THERES SO MUCH TO THINK ABOIT LIKE?? im going insane this au is ruining me

- 🗡️

oh my god your brain. literally making me so happy i love talking about this!!!

good note on the surgery thing for tachihara!! i didn’t know or didn’t remember hearing that, but it clears it up. possibly there are similar doctors within the mafia as well.

one slightly brutal thought i’ve had before is if something happens to the hunting dogs doctor. they’d be easier to attack than the hunting dogs themself and if they died all of the hunting dogs would slowly have to rot to death. what a vile and awful death to face. ive thought about writing this before but it also makes me a bit sad to think about.

jouno and dazai bonding would be really nice to see. i feel that their senses of morality and justice are vastly different though to the point where becoming close would be hard for the two. with that in mind they could make an interesting combination when it comes to discussing pasts. i fully agree with what you said about jouno hiding the past whereas dazai appreciates his.

and about jouno and tachi i truly hope they do that as well. i have a feeling they’re going to use the vampiric ability to heal his eyes or use yosano but i hope instead they have jouno help him adjust to learning to live without sight. it’s always good to have representation of disabilities in media. i think jouno thinks fondly of tachihara, he addressed him in a friendly manner when they reunited in S4. i would love to see more interactions

I GET YOU with the autism part as well. i feel like they would clash a lot just due to being very different in symptom display. id love to see them talk about how confusing people can be together, i feel that would help them get each other a bit. i glad you see the tetchou autism hc as well!!!

YESSS. kenji and tetchou brothers please!! i love the found family trope. kenji is also just super sweet and probably wouldn’t mind any of the strange things tetchou does.

i love your mind. your ideas are so good!!!!!

[wc-wild-rewrite]

Rising Storm reread!

Overall, 9.5/10, thoughts at the bottom of the post. Half point removed for having an odd pacing, not much technically happened but also a lot happened as well, i always think the events of this one are in forest of secrets.

Prolouge

Huh, they actually foreshadow the second arc and skyclan, neat

Careful Runningnose, i dont like the way you phrased that

Ooo spooky omens, i like it

Chapter 1

Im retracting my statement from last book, i dont like cloudpaw

Tigerclaw was banished a quarter moon ago

Might be harsh, but fireheart's right, cloudpaw's gotta learn respect for the prey

More exposition, but placed better, feels more like his memories than the authors

Willowpelt is expecting

Why have ash and fern not been apprenticed yet, their a moon older than cloud

Thank you whitestorm for helping our boy with patrols

In fireheart's defense, its hard to keep track of where one cat is, nevermind a whole clan

Aww hi brightpaw

So mistlekit is still alive, eh? Kit survived the whitecough bought

Unfortunatrly the elders werent incorrect in their worry

I like this start, the writing is far smoother

Chapter 2

"Your eyes have always betrayed your heart" i really like that line

Fireheart being scared of a kitten is shockingly in character, same tom who overthought a mossball comment

I like the implication that bluestar and leaders generally visit the nursery a lot

Ah, theres the slightly jarring exposition

I love whitestorm so much

I know it wasnt canon at the time of writing the book, but i like that whitestorm's the one to be concerned, thsts his auntie

Honestly i can't blame bluestar for losing trust so fast, being backstabbed like that can really mess with your head, i've seen it happen

But thats also really sad, she was so happy to announce cloudpaw's ceremony last book

Cloudpaw has been an apprentice for a half moon

Fireheart, lets not continue with the pity

Cinderpaw was made yellowfang's apprentice a moon and a half ago

From an author persepctive, not a fan of cinderpaw's worry here, but from a character perspective, i understand her, its a lot to learn, especially at such a young age with people's health at stakr

Ok i understand why he chose darkstripe instead of sandstorm, no need to risk more clan unease at the moment, but god i hope he explains this rationally to sandstorm

Chapter 3

I know bluestar's aggression is a bad thing, but she's got a point, two attacks in one moon means you gotta keep some around

Cloudpaw being annoying, as usual

Ash and Fern, yay!

Chapter 4

Oo, i like the imagery of that nightmare

Ah, here's bluestar's...not mania, i dont think thats the word, but impulsiveness, maybe

Haha runningwind doesn't like cloudpaw, cant blame him

I like bluestar in book 2 was like "runningwind is a good cat but he wouldnt be good with apprentices" and he keeps getting stuck with apprentices

Chapter 5

Exposition part 3

Even with her mind clouded, her instincts are sharp

Yay bluestar's happy

Oh nevermind

Ah, hello mudclaw, not the last time your gonna cause trouble

Bluestar no-

Chapter 6

Goddamn it cloudpaw

Both runningwind and fireheart are increasingly exasperated with him

Fireheart, your the most patient cat on earth for putting up with cloudpaw for so long, lets hope it pays off

Chapter 7

Quarter moon since the moonstone attempt

Graystripe has been in riverclan for nearly a moon

Greenleaf is furball season

Stop looking at him, your making him nervous

Chapter 8

Ok, wildly abrupt time cut

Littlecloud was 3 moons old when he was apprenticed in the first book

Jesus, poor kit

Damn, i feel bad for these two

This whole time and no one was aware of these paths?

Chapter 9

Not sure how i feel about this new sandstorm

Oh look Fireheart, cloudtail took your advice from the first book

Chapter 10

I know hes written as arrogant, and he is very arrogant, but his confused look there gives me "autist who needs a rule to be explained far more bluntly" vibes, as one myself

Willowpelt's kitting

Aw no poor cinderpaw

Oh, cinderpelt. When'd she get her name?

Two she-cats and a tom, eh? Alright, rain, soot, which of you is the trans tom?

Bit of an awkward transition to the next day there, but alright

Two moons since the last rain

Chapter 11

Aw, cinderpelt

Fireheart cant stay mad at his baby sister forever

Sandfire advenetures!

Cloudpaw no!

Chapter 12

Okay, bad wording fireheart, but sandstorm turned way too quickly

Oh, poor ash

Chapter 13

Aw, ashfur, babie boy. Im gonna hate you next arc

Ok good, bluestar still has some wisdom in hef

Fireheart please take cinderpelt's advice, let spottedleaf go

Chapter 14

Brackenfur's not stupid, he can see u like her, fireheart

Aw, whitestorm's so concerned for his aunt

Im just picturing bluestar lying on her side, sadly licking dew from individual leaves

Chapter 15

Willowpelt not being forced into mother or warrior solely, for the win!

Oh no, runningwind!

Ah shit, there goes whitethroat

Tigerclaw u fucker

Chapter 16

GET HIS ASS FIREHEART

Skinny tigerclaw is a cursed image

Whitestorm to the rescue!

And greystripe!!

Chapter 17

I love how considerate fireheart is

Uh oh, bluestar, please stay calm

I think the writers got confused on mourning rituals, isnt it those closest to the dead that sit vigil?

Still, poor runningwind

Thornpaw, buddy! You've been given absolutely no characterization so far, poor guy, the neglected littermate

Yellowfang's reminded of Brokenstar, isnt she

Chapter 18

Aw, brackenfur playing with the kits

What ever happened to the "dont eat on hunting patrols" thing he was critizing cloudpaw about earlier?

Ravenpaw!!! My buddy!!!

Oh lord, exposition

Cloudpaw's been missing for a quarter moon

Chapter 19

Goddamn why is sandstorm so quick to fight with him

I see where shes coming from, dont leave the clan unguarded to go pick up your nephew from a twoleg nest, but have like, a reasonable discussion at least

...au where brightpaw comes across tigerclaw during the journey back to camp and gets kidnapped or killed

He has his own territory!! Good for you, dude!

Chapter 20

Thunderclan tree scaling skills coming in handy again

Why is sandstorm so harsh against ravenpaw???

Im glad ravenpaw has confidence, and a lot of it, given he just willingly alerted dogs to himself

Chapter 21

Cloudpaw better be on a redemption arc now, i really want to like him

Deadfoot nooo

Haha webpaw said fuck that

Aw, ashpaw, cutie

Hell yeah, more elders liking cloudpaw content

Chapter 22

Bluestar's memory is fading isnt it

Ok good cloudpaw's improving

I love these nightmares and omens, shame ive never seen fanart for them

Chapter 23

Ah, the fire, time for heartbreak

Ough, the image of patchpelt trying to drag halftail to saftey

I know yellowfang dies this book but shes gotta be alive! Shes just gotta!

Au where yellowfang survives and teaches leafpool

Chapter 24

Nooo, patchpelt!

Au where bluestar dies instead of yellowfang

Huh, they remembered mistlekit's existence, but not the fact she should definitely be an apprentice by now

Chapter 25

Ah good, leopardfur's softening a bit

Aw, smallear wanting to bury patchpelt

I'd be neat if one of the willowkits got asthma from this, but i know they dont

Chapter 26

Darkstripe you dick

Yess dustpelt becoming likeable

Bluestar's getting worse, isnt she

Storm and Feather! Babies!

Chapter 27

I like crookedstar

God, it really is destroyed, huh

Poor halftail

This is horrific, one of the worse deaths, if shes still conscious when fireheart finds her, she was probably conscious all night

"I wish you had been my son, but i could not have borne a cat like you" god.

Oh god, the image of fireheart desperately talking over her, knowing shes gone, ough

Chapter 28

I cant even blame bluestar here, i'd break from this too

Rip yellowblue shippers (fangfur? Bluefang?)

Three quarter moon

Chapter 29

I think cloudpaw has gotten "my boy!" status

Whitestorm's such a good warrior, man, i love him

Darkstripe's a dick part ???

Chapter 30

Gorsepaw!!!

Tallstar!!!

See, this is why i love firestar, he didnt have to tell runningnose personally, he could've just announced it

Ohoho, hello tigerclaw, you evil fucker

My thoughts

9.5/10, technically a lot happened but it also felt like nothing happened, so half a point off. I liked it though, the writing is holding up so far, everyone's mostly in character- aside from sandstorm's flip-flopping- and the fire scenes were brutal. Not necessarily my favourite so far, but high up