#i love being a positive person most of the time. however.

[neopet-euthanization]

okay this is all written like it’s something new, but police and prosecutors have been using social media DMs and the like for quite a while now. probably as long as this stuff as been around. when it comes down to it nothing you put into words in digital form is safe. nothing.

what usually happens when you commit a serious crime is they’ll find some way to involve your phone such that they can get a warrant for it. call logs are a pretty easy get, usually, and texts, around the time of the crime. legally they’re allowed to take your phone before they get a warrant, as a matter of preserving evidence. once they have the judge’s sign off, they’ll plug your phone into their cellbrite analyzer.

remember when you’d get a new phone and they’d have to plug the old one in to transfer all your data? when that became obsolete due to cloud storage that company moved on to specifically doing forensic downloads. and they get EVERYTHING. including things that are deleted. they’ll see all the apps you have, whether there’s data stored in them, what kind of data, and they’ll see when/how you used them. Things like Facebook, Twitter, Google, etc. they need to issue a subpoena to the company asking for the data specifically. some require law enforcement to be extremely specific in what they request (Google is like this for geofencing data - they straight up refuse to provide it if the request is too broad). however when they’re served a valid subpoena they’re legally obligated to comply.

subpoenas for information even override HIPAA and therapy/mental health confidentiality. the ONLY communications that are safe are those with your lawyer, as the attorney client privilege is the absolute highest and is rarely if EVER breached by a court. to the point that they will specifically bring in “taint attorneys” (yes the name is great I love it too) to look through and sort out privileged information. so this is a friendly side note if anyone happens to text a lawyer who is representing them TELL THEM WHEN THEY TAKE YOUR PHONE and get it on recording if possible because they’ll have to have someone else review it. i think most of us are not in positions where we have a lawyer representing us but i find this helpful info nonetheless. lawyer contacts are best made over phone or in person, just to be safe. and another side note, bringing ANYONE in to a discussion with you and your lawyer automatically waives this privilege. So if you 3 way call your cousin with your lawyer that could be considered waiving confidentiality.

all of this aside - any company has the ability to just, willingly give things to law enforcement, either upon being asked or just, because.

treat all digital communications like it could be read in court one day.

PSA: never discuss private affairs in your DMs, especially contraception and abortion. Social media moguls will absolutely sell you out to the government. There are already cases of people being charged based on evidence in their DMs.

[anghraine]

Okay, the previous Star Trek poll wrapped up with a close but pretty obviously inevitable victory for the Uhura/Chapel kiss ... but while I'm in the TOS trash bin, another poll concept struck me. I'll add the full quotes/episode citations below, but I wanted the people's opinion:

1— "The Immunity Syndrome"

I've noticed that about your people, doctor. You find it easier to understand the death of one than the death of a million. You speak about the objective hardness of the Vulcan heart, yet how little room there seems to be in yours.

The context: in this episode, the Enterprise arrives in the area just in time to see, but not prevent, the deaths of 400 Vulcans on another Starfleet ship. Spock psychically experiences their deaths, and spends much of the episode quietly upset and grieving, while McCoy is just kind of a dick to him for 90% of the episode.

2— "The Galileo Seven"

MCCOY: Well, I can't say much for the circumstances, but at least it's your big chance. SPOCK: My big chance? For what, doctor? MCCOY: Command. Oh, I know you, Mr. Spock. You've never voiced it, but you've always thought that logic was the best basis on which to build command. Am I right? SPOCK: I am a logical man, doctor. MCCOY: It'll take more than logic to get us out of this. SPOCK: Perhaps, doctor, but I know of no better way to begin. I realize command does have its fascinations, even under circumstances such as these. But I neither enjoy the idea of command, nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists. And I will do whatever logically needs to be done. Excuse me.

The context: I've talked about how TOS is so often Spock vs. Microaggressions, but this episode is like... what if that were an entire episode and the bigots were really stressed, okay.

3— "The Naked Time"

My mother—I could never tell her I loved her.

An Earth woman, living on a planet where love, emotion, is bad taste.

I respected my father, our customs. I was ashamed of my Earth blood. Jim, when I feel friendship for you, I'm ashamed.

The context: a bunch of the crew contract a disease that causes their inhibitions to drop, bringing out repressed but strongly-felt emotions and/or desires. This means swashbuckling for Sulu, Riley fantasizing about ruling the ship as an Irish king, Kirk admitting to his feelings for Janice Rand that are eclipsed by his feelings for the Enterprise, etc. But Spock without inhibitions is just profoundly unhappy and, well, ashamed.

4— "The Corbomite Maneuver"

BAILEY: It's blocking the way! SPOCK: Quite unnecessary to raise your voice, Mr. Bailey. All engines stop. Sound the alert. [a little bit later] SPOCK: And when the captain arrives, he will expect a full report on— BAILEY [sharply]: The cube's range and position. I'll have it by then. Raising my voice back there doesn't mean I was scared or couldn't do my job. It means I happen to have a human thing called an adrenaline gland. SPOCK: It does sound most inconvenient, however. Have you considered having it removed? BAILEY: Very funny. SULU: You try to cross brains with Spock, he'll cut you to pieces every time.

5— "The Conscience of the King"

SPOCK: Apparently, he [Kodos] had his own theories of eugenics. MCCOY: Unfortunately, he wasn't the first. SPOCK: But he was certainly among the most ruthless, to decide arbitrarily who would survive and who would not, using his own personal standards, and then to implement his decision without mercy. Children watching their parents die. Whole families destroyed. Over four thousand people. They died quickly, without pain, but they died.

The context: this is the "Kirk is a genocide survivor" episode, in which Spock notices enough unusual behavior from Kirk to go investigating. He's horrified by what he finds, and horrified about the harm and danger to Kirk specifically, and repeatedly tries to convince McCoy of how bad the situation really is. He is also firmly on team "your memory isn't deceiving you, this guy is totally Kodos and you should launch him out the airlock."

6— "The Enemy Within"

Being split in two halves is no theory with me, doctor. I have a human half, you see, as well as an alien half, submerged, constantly at war with each other. Personal experience, doctor. I survive it because my intelligence wins over both, makes them live together. [To Kirk] Your intelligence would enable you to survive as well.

7— "Shore Leave"

SPOCK: Very well, captain. Something I did come to discuss. KIRK: Yes, Mister Spock, what is it? SPOCK: I picked this up from Dr. McCoy's log. We have a crewmember aboard who's showing signs of stress and fatigue. Reaction time down nine to twelve percent, associational reading norm minus three. KIRK: That's much too low a rating. SPOCK: He's becoming irritable and quarrelsome, yet he refuses to take rest and rehabilitation. Now, he has that right, but we've found— KIRK: A crewman's right ends where the safety of the ship begins. That man will go ashore on my orders. What's his name? SPOCK: James Kirk. Enjoy yourself, captain.

The context: Kirk is obviously exhausted and refusing to take shore leave with everyone else, despite McCoy trying to badger him into it. Spock manipulates him into it far more effectively, and is clearly smug about his success.

8— "The Squire of Gothos"

TRELANE: You do realize, don't you, that it's in deference to the captain that I brought you here? SPOCK: Affirmative. TRELANE: I don't know if I like your tone. It's most challenging. That's what you're doing, challenging me? SPOCK: I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose.

9— "A Taste of Armageddon"

SPOCK: Then the attack by Vendikar was theoretical. ANAN: Oh, no, quite real. An attack is mathematically launched. I lost my wife in the last attack. Our civilization lives. The people die, but our culture goes on. KIRK: You mean to tell me your people just walk into a disintegration machine when they're told to? ANAN: We have a high consciousness of duty, Captain. SPOCK: There is a certain scientific logic about it. ANAN: I'm glad you approve. SPOCK: I do not approve. I understand.

10— "Operation: Annihilate!"

KIRK: Sam. It is my brother. Was my brother. MCCOY: I'm sorry, Jim. The boy's unconscious, but he's still alive. KIRK: Peter? MCCOY: I'd better get the boy and his mother back to the ship. I can't do much for them down here. KIRK: Get ready to beam up. MCCOY: McCoy to Enterprise. Prepare to beam up party of four. SPOCK: Captain, I understand how you must— KIRK: Yes. Yes, Mr. Spock. You heard my sister-in-law say something about they being here. Your guess. SPOCK: Notice the ventilator, Captain.

Spock's approach to comfort tends to be figuring out some concrete or pragmatic assistance, or loyally defending someone, rather than trying to reach out in such a direct emotional way. Kirk (like Spock himself tends to be) can't really handle it and Spock immediately shifts to making himself useful throughout the episode, enduring excruciating pain, high danger, and blindness.

[spiderink]

Do you have any headcannons for the bad sanses?

OHHH man DO I.

Rubbing my hands together

I love a lot of different versions of the bad sanses, from extremely toxic to a familial relationship.

However! I do not count Cross nor Error to be a part of the bad sanses—they are their own stuff (cross was just a deal with nightmare, partnered with killer at times, and Error is a neutral party)

toxic wise?

Horror:

- He wouldn’t get along with any of them. Only one he could cooperate with is Dust, because he has some sort of living person feeling to him compared to nightmare and killer

- He’d keep his distance, keep his head down, and do what he’s told to survive.

- Horror still doesn’t eat. He can’t bring himself to. He feels selfish to eat while the people of his AU are still starving

- Horror didn’t have a choice in joining the bad sanses, and he isn’t getting anything out of it. He also isn’t allowed to go back to his AU, because that would give off positivity, which nightmare wouldn’t want from his henchmen and blah blah

- Horror doesn’t do missions that have to do with killing. He does dirty work, like cleaning up after stuff, stealing / buying supplies / scavenging and such. He refuses to take part in murder so nightmare finds other uses of him to create negativity.

Dust..

- He was not a willing member of the bad sanses

- He dislikes killing. He had only done it to get rid of the human in his AU, which was over with, so he doesn’t have a reason to anymore.

- His room is the worst of all of them. He has tantrums, nightmares, and breakdowns in his room.

- He has a big will to run from nightmare. Any chance he can, he takes it.

Killer..

- Due to his past with Chara, he’s a heavy follower of rules, orders, and keeping in his place.

- He reminds the others of their place at times, to remind them that they are not in control, that they HAVE to follow nightmare or there could be consequences (it’s for their own good—it’s for their safety.) (he’s projecting his rules to keep himself safe onto the others to help them survive)

Nightmare..

- Nightmare encourages the misinformation that horror is a cannibal. He teases him with food, bodies (tempt-break his promise to himself to eat no human), and other things

- He has replaced them a few times. Specifically Dust and Killer, Dust the most because of his will to escape.

- ALWAYS has eyes on them. He knows everything they’re doing, where they are, what they’re feeling.

- They’re not allowed to go back to their AUs. Period. They can’t go anywhere without Nightmare allowing them.

Familial wise?

- touch starved. They are generally clingy but push each other away

- They eat together. Usually in silence

- Nightmare is in charge of cooking—all the others are HORRIBLE cooks and cannot be trusted in the kitchen

- they are like each other’s “therapy”. They help horror get into the habit of starting to try eating again, for killer to stop being so “I am below you” and stuff, Dust to feel like he’s not a horrible person, nightmare not feeling lonely, ect ect

- cuddle piles.

- they can get away with annoying each other more often

Shipping wise.. (bad sans poly)

- touch starved.

• Killer doesn’t always realize, but he does small stuff like hand holding, head on lap, stuff like that

• Dust liked being squished, held, junk like that. Like having someone lay on top of him,

• Horror does lots of cuddling, being a mattress, blanket, or big spoon.

- Nightmare allows them to go to their AUs and such

- Horror’s love language to them is physical touch, Killer’s is gift giving, dust is insults, and Nightmare is silent affection.

[hurtspideyparker]

Not sure if you're still aking the asks but I don't think I've seen any of your Blackhill HCs before :D

Natasha is not a morning person. So much so that it's the only time her guard is down enough that Maria can sneak some candid photos. She has a beautiful collection that she keeps hidden from her girlfriend; of her sleeping with her mouth open, drool on the pillowcase, her hair in a messy bun. Her tank top twisted nearly backwards from rolling around in her sleep, of her little nose peeking out from the blanket on cold nights. Unfortunately, Natasha finds out somehow and manages to delete all the photos, including the backups. (Maria still refers to it as the burning of Alexandria)

When men hit on them they don't reject them by saying they're gay or in a relationship. They just say the man is too ugly. If the guy gets pissy then it's even more fun, punching creeps is their favourite pastime

Natasha cannot make a decision on what to eat ever. Maria forgets about food until it's placed in front of her. Neither cook. Food is their worst enemy and the cause of most fights ("I don't want to decide again, just pick something!" "I'm NOT HUNGRY, you choose." "We've been over this—")

Neither are the cuddly type. They like to lean against the other, or rest a hand on their leg or arm, very domestic. In bed they might hold each other but once they say goodnight neither wants to be touched as they sleep

Maria always takes care of Natasha's hair. If she hears her using the hair brush Maria will rush into the bathroom and ask why Nat didn't ask her do it. Natasha likes the way she's conditioned to the sound and does it to tease her; she loves Maria touching her hair and would never take the opportunity away from her. Don't tell her but Natasha grew it out so Maria could try braiding

They sit next to each other on dates instead of across, because neither like to have their back to the door. One day Natasha sits across from Maria when the waiter pulls the chair out for her and doesn't even realize till they're halfway through dinner. She tells Maria she loves her for the first time on the ride home, because trust was the last thing she needed to be sure.

They share clothes a lot, especially big frumpy sweaters a long-sleeves that really hold each other's scent. Deodorant, shampoo, perfume on the collar, sweat from sleep. They don't really know what belongs to who anymore

Maria sometimes calls Natasha 'Natalia' when they're home alone, whispered and soft. Natasha likes it a lot more than she thought she would

They love a good friendly competition, especially in the gym. One turns the speed up on the treadmill, the other goes up two levels. When stretching they give subtle looks at the other to stretch just a bit further than them. Crunches, planks, squats... stopping first is the same as losing. The winner gets a massage because they'll definitely need it after all that...

Natasha likes to hide bruises/hickeys on Maria so that she doesn't notice them but everyone else sure will. The back of her neck, behind her ear, on her chest so you only notice when she bends over and her shirt falls open. It has put her in some very awkward positions in very professional settings, and Nat is always smirking when Maria confronts her

Every single time Natasha wears bold lipstick she just has to give a big smooch to Maria's cheek. She even waits till Maria is nearby for her smudge resistant formulas because she needs to kiss her before it dries. One time this cumulated into their entire living room being turned upside down because Maria was trying to run away and Nat was extremely determined to hunt her down (yes she did finally tackle her and give her the kiss. In heels too)

They don't baby each other or get overprotective on missions. They have extreme trust and faith in one another's abilities. They do, however, have a promise to always be honest about injuries, and treat each other with impossible gentleness. They are very much silent communicators

[yoshifan456]

Ok I will propose a scene for FR:

It takes place after the opening. Benji and Ethan have retreated into a little cabin somewhere and have a bit of downtime, because of plotreasons (they have to download something from an USB and without utside servers that takes a while, or they wait for more intel etc.). Ethan is Not Having It. He is restless and pacing and constantly scouting the promises but also being tired and irritable. Benji is just casually reading a book on the couch with a ratty blanket.

At the same time somewhere else the IMF or CIA or whatever, but whatever Kittridge is now leader of, that thing is searching for him. They describe how they will find him by predicting the amount of energy and water will be needed at the hideout and that they calculated a possible radius for them to look yada yada. It is clear though that a lot of computer power is needed for this, foreshadowing that Kittridge whas deserted and works with the Entity.

Back in the cabin, at some time Benji sighs and orders Ethan to calm down and find some way to relax. Ethan grumbles a bit but does what he's been told and goes looking for distraction, which he finds in some older Star Trek dvds. Ethan has never seen Star Trek and is very confused when he asks Benji what to watch and Benji is like 'probably Where no man has gone before because it's the most important pilot because it is the one with Shatner as Kirk'. But Ethan puts the DVD in the tv and begrudgingly sits down.

Kittridge's men are getting weapons, loading their cars, briefing a lot of people on where the cabin is and how they will approach it etc etc.

Ethan had sat down eventually and looked quite enraptured by the show although his eyeslids are slowly falling shut. He is hunched in on himself and goosebumps appear. The heater in the cabin isn't quite good so after a few pitying looks Benji lifts his blanket for Ethan to sit under. Ethan, however, crawls under it and rests against Benji, his head tucked under his chin. Benji stiffens for a moment and Ethan starts to move already but Benji tells him to stop and Ethan relaxes again. Benji snakes his arms around Ethan and resumes reading his book.

Many cars race through trees, throwing up dirt and chasing away gentle wildlife.

Benji yawns and turns a page of his book. Ethan is still watching the television, his frown for once smoothed over.

Men jump out of their vehicles, making sure to not slam the doors behind them closed. Silently they make their way through the forest until they enter a clearing with a small cabin in the middle of it. They take positions and near the peaceful cabin in front of them. One of them nears the door and kicks it open.

Benji looks up because of a loud noise. He trains his eyes on his book again as the noise turns out to be an owl.

Men swarm through the door and into the lonely room, in which a figure is hunched over a couple of adapted laptops. He quickly stands up and grabs a gun from under the table, but the men are faster and knock him out. They drag the man back to the car. It's Luther.

The episode is finished. As the short credits roll, Benji hums and turns his page again. He asks Ethan what he thought about the show, but when he doesn't get an answer he shifts his eyes from the book to the person lying against him. Ethan has fallen asleep. His chest slowly rises with every breath as he lies curled around himself against Benji's chest. His face has lost many years in it's completely rested state. Benji smiles and reaches for the remote to switch off the TV, before he pulls the blanket a little bit higher over Ethan.

"Sleep well, Ethan," he whisper before he picks his book up again and dives back into it.

--

This is the reason Luther ends up in prison in MI8 btw (which I think is a very plausible theory from @paganmindidnothingwrong). I loved the RN scene with Will and the CIA in Cuba (?) on one hand and Ethan in Paris on the other hand and wanted such a misdirection again. Born out of the vision I got from Ethan falling asleep in Benji's arms while Benji is reading.

I think this scene is actually in the movie because it sets up Kittridge working with the Entity and it will also foreshadow the ending in which Ethan and Benji will happily retire on some remote farm or something.

[siddyyyyyyyy]

Hello! How are you? Can I ask for Jason with a reader who is a firefighter and has a son? Jason went to a city for a mission and he gets involved with the fire department after the reader gets him out of a burning building and starts to get closer and develop feelings?

Reader is hesitant about getting involved with someone because of her son and her job, which most of the time puts them in the hospital. but well what is good does not always last forever, Batfam comes to get him. I got a little excited, sorry about that 😓😓 🌸🌸

On The Rescue

Red Hood x Reader

wc: 5.7K summary: Red Hood starts to fall for a firefighter, however, it's difficult warnings: reader has a son (6-8 years old), no y/n used, fire, injuries, light stalking? a/n: this was suggested to me in december and i just couldn't find any time to write, but i finally finished!! and i love this request!!!!! however i don't really feel like giving this a sad ending, so it's pure fluff and a tiny bit of angst. enjoy!! divider: @carnage-cathedral

Black smoke attacks Jason‘s lungs as he tries to catch another drug dealer, who got caught for selling drugs to minors. Unfortunately, the criminal escapes the warehouse fast enough, leaving Jason to slip up and be surrounded by the toxic smoke and furious flames. He ordered his goons to go after him, considering they are faster than him at the moment. As he gets back on his feet, he almost immediately slumps back down, not realising what‘s causing his sudden weakness quick enough. Turns out his mask let the smoke go through, having filled his lungs up already. With struggling breaths, he manages to get to the nearest window, trying not to inhale too much smoke, but it‘s impossible when everything around him is toxic gas.

This is it. Jason figures he can‘t possibly get out of here anymore, just like the last time. He can‘t escape death this time.

You were checking up on your son through a phone call, talking to him and reassuring him that you will be back home soon. As usual, he whines about missing you, wanting to tell you more about his day at school and what he learned in biology today. Unfortuantely, the call ends short as you hear the alarm go off inside the fire department, signaling an emergency. Your dad takes the phone back from your son, letting you know that he has everything under control, before ending the call.

Arriving at the scene, you get chills at the sight of a warehouse being under furious flames. The exteriour isn‘t as damaged, however spikes of high flames are escaping the open crashed windows. Your colleagues make sure the light forest around it won‘t get affected by it, ensuring a possible chain reaction. Getting your heavy equipment ready, you finally start to eliminate the large spots first. Another worker starts up the ladder to get to the second floor, signalling for you to get up there and continue to extinguish the chaotic flames from inside.

As you go up the ladder, you notice a car being parked next to the warehouse, realising it doesn‘t look like it got abandoned here long ago. A rush of adrenaline rushes through you, starting to work as fast as you can. Finally, once the larger flames are down, you climb inside, ducking to search for someone inside. After getting used to the dark smoke around you, the body comes clearer into your view.

You don‘t waste any more time and start to drag the unconscious person out, managing to throw him over your shoulder and climb back into the supporting ladder.

Once outside and in fresh air, you set him down onto the ground and pause once you take him in. It‘s the Red Hood. With a cracked mask.

While your coworkers are busy extinguishing the fire inside the warehouse, you take the opportunity to cover his face with your own gas mask. You make sure to bring the vigilante into a stable position and wait for more back up, staying by his side. His pulse is weak and his breathing sounds more painful than anything else. The only sounds being the fire crackling and the loud process of extinguishing the fire.

Ambulance manage to arrive quickly, quickly taking Red Hood under their wing.

Jason catches a glimpse of your uniform and name card before being pulled back into unconsciousness, falling back into an empty sleep.

You stay by his side as the paremedics take care of him, giving them space. They take the gas mask off you pulled over his head to protect him, growing worried for whatever reason. Once the situation clears up and he‘s stable, you exchange a look with the medics. There‘s a silent understanding among the group, collectively agreeing that no one will expose him at any cost.

The irritating peeping takes Jason out of his peaceful rest, groaning under his breath as he cracks his eyes open. He takes the room in, realising it‘s the hospital and his lung feels like he smoked sixty packs of cigarettes the other night. He turns his head to glance at the heart monitor, noticing it‘s gradually speeding up. A nurse comes in a moment after, possibly here to check on him and figure out why his heart is freaking out. Coming inside, she stops in her tracks before starting to treat him as usual.

»How are you feeling, sir?«

He doesn‘t respond, instead taking more steady breaths and focuses on staying relaxed. Hospitals freak him out, especially when he‘s in a critical condition like this.

»How long was I gone?«

»You slept through the night, it‘s evening again.« She responds kindly and checks up at the machine, reading off his status and scribbling something down into her files.

»You‘re lucky the firefighters noticed you were in the building fast enough. Without her, you wouldn‘t have gotten out again.« The nurse shakes her head lightly in sympathy, seeming way more talkative than Jason likes. There‘s one thing he still wonders about.

Where did they leave his suit at and how is it possible they treated him without any question?

His eyes shoot back up at her, making her tense briefly.

»We left your… costume back in our ambulance. Your cosplay was really good. It‘s got a hole now, though.« She admits, waiting for some kind of reaction. There isn‘t much of a reaction, getting a simple nod in return before he tries to speak up.

»Can I get it back and leave?«

He croaks out, voice still strained from the amount of smoke he inhaled earlier. The other nods quickly, not wanting to argue in the first place.

»Sure thing. The doc needs a final check up before I ca— «

»No... Now.«

Jason interrupts, sitting up on the bed. There‘s a hint of hesitation until the nurse finally nods and gets out of the room, hopefully on the way to give his suit back.

Finally out from the incredibly white and clean building, Jason makes his way back to his small base, making sure not to overwork his lungs at the same time. He lands with a loud thud back inside, groaning as he stretches his muscles out. His goons notice him, Bob greeting him.

»We caught him, boss. Are you okay, though? Did something happen?«

»Did you lock him up?«

Bob pauses briefly before he finally processes his questions and nods.

»We did. Roger is still interrogating him and searches up all the kids he wronged.«

Jason nods in relief and sighs out, stretching his back out again. He dismisses Bob and gets to his private room first, needing a proper shower and another check up on his injuries.

In the shower, he notices a large wound across his side, being bandaged up and stitches professionally. After a careful shower and carefully putting on fresh clothes, he sets into his office and starts his research about the local fire department and the clinic he spent a night in. There is nothing interesting from the clinic, and the nurse that took care of him didn‘t seem suspicious, if not the most innocent looking person he‘s ever seen. Focusing back on work, he searches up the website of the fire department and hopes to find some name that‘s close to what he remembers seeing that evening. Scrolling through the profiles of the staff and studying the group picture, he finally spots a familiar looking person. It‘s all for his safety. No need to be as paranoid.

He clicks on your picture and analyses it, recognising the uniform and jerks up at the crash outside, It sounded like some kind of glass plate fell down, but he wants to check on it, just to be sure. Stepping outside, he can only muster the sight of another one of his goons and his little niece. The smaller child giggles and hides away behind his uncle‘s leg, peeking out to Jason.

Jason blinks, waiting for Charles to speak up.

»Oh, hey Red Hood. We, uh… you know, I accidentally broke this glass, but I‘ll clean up—«

»Don‘t slice your fingers open. And get the other kids away from sharp stuff.« Jason huffs out, mildly annoyed but would hate to show aggression in front of a kid. Without further argument, Jason enters his room, settling into his squeaky chair and focuses back on his computer screen.

⁛

I‘m crazy, I shouldn‘t think too much of it, she was just doing her job and it‘s so obvious that no one would reveal my stupid identity as a firefighter, they could easily set me on fire or worse if—

His inner monolgue cuts short once Bob appears in his room, an uncosciusness body in his arms. A… familiar one. One he has been worried about for what seems like more than a week.

Jason almost gasps dramatically as he quickly off his chair and approaches Bob.

»Bob, I swear—«

But he doesn‘t let him talk and shakes his head, wearing a stupid grin on his face.

»Boss! I noticed your growing concern, so I took care of it. She‘s all yours,« And with that, Jason‘s goon hands over the limp body of yours, settling you into his larger arms.

Jason stills and holds you almost protectively, not wanting to accidentally hurt you.

»Did you knock her out?«

»Just gave her some light drugs. Should go away in an hour or two.«

So, that‘s why he prefers working alone again. Bob, or his goons in general, had always found a way to try and take care of his problems in hopes to get to his better side. Unfortunately, it doesn‘t always work, and they never learn. This is the proof that he should start setting boundaries with them.

Awkwardly, he paces around his office until he places you down on the couch, making sure to adjust your clothes that were wrinkled up from all the carrying around. With a heavy exhale, he sits down on his chair and runs his hand through his hair. He eventually puts his helmet back on and waits for you to wake up, being slightly nervous.

After some tension filled minutes, you finally seem to stirr awake and groan lightly. He watches you stretch your arms lightly, noticing your eyes blink open. At first, you seem peaceful and calm, as if you are waking up at your own home. That is, until you realise it‘s some stranger‘s office. Tensing up, your eyes meet the white slits of Red Hood and you almost jerk up from the jumpscare. Jason straightens himself in his chair and tries to look less intimidating, recognising the anxious look on your face.

»Sorry about this unwanted location change — a miscommunication between my collleagues,« he holds his hand up slightly, wanting to be as nice as he can, »My apologies. So...let‘s start with a question.«

He tilts his head a bit to the side, taking in your expression again. You still seem tense and watch his every move, waiting for something to go down, but nothing happens. It‘s unusually quiet in his office, hoping he won‘t grow awkward.

»Where‘s my son?«

You ask instead, keeping a steady voice. Now, he‘s caught off guard again. He didn‘t know you had a child at all. He didn‘t stalk you enough for that.

»I can ensure you, we do not have him here.« He tries to reassure you, but quickly realises that probably sounds bad too. Fortunately, Bob storms into the office, trying to hold back a kid by his wrist, his breathing ragged.

»What did you feed him, lady?!« He pants out and lets go of your son, letting him skip to you and settle at your lap. Jason watches with a frown, his strong glare even shining through the slits of his mask as he stares at his goon.

Bob catches the sign and steps out of the office, silently closing the door again. Finally, is gaze settles back to the pair in front of him, feeling incredibly guilty to have dragged you into this. Jason sighs out quietly and starts again, sounding more apologising.

»I‘m so sorry… miscommunication. Again.«

You frown at him and keep a frim grip around your son, keeping him close to your chest.

»You should really work on that, maybe talk to your colleagues.« You retort back, making him dip his head in shame. It quickly fades before he speaks up once more, trying to be as polite as possible.

»Again, I sincerely apologise. I can… i could offer you support with your kid and send you some essentials for a month or two, as a proper apology.« He offers kindly and hopes you‘d agree and not fight him, glancing down at your son briefly. Speaking of, he seems rather fascinated by Red Hood. His innocent gaze stays on his red, shiny mask, studying his cool leather jacket and the work table behind him. It‘s all it takes for Jason to soften his expression, ready to spoil your son with anything. Surprisingly, you shake your head and deny his offer.

»No, thanks. I don‘t need help from a drug lord.«

That hurt, Jason has to admit. But he accepts your response and instead watches your son in your lap. Your son looks up at you before he looks back at him, doing a poor job on concealing his curiousity.

Jason stands off his chair and nods towards the door, finally offering a way out.

»I can drive you back. I don‘t trust my colleagues anymore. Where do you guys live?« Without further waiting, he takes a candy bar out of his pocket and hands it to your son, getting out of his office with the pair of you following.

⁛

Jason didn‘t mean to study or memorise the time you went and returned from work, or at what time your son gets off from elementary school. It just happened, after dropping you off at home that night. That means for Jason to regularely watch your son get picked up after school either from your dad or yourself. And it didn‘t mean anything to him. He just wants to keep his identity safe and your son too, at the same time.

You noticed a large bag just outside your door, the morning after he dropped you off, and you considered not taking it inside for a while, until your son came running by your side to investigate too. And you couldn‘t really deny his pleading eyes to take it in and see what‘s inside, to see what mister Red Hood brought by your doorstep.

Setting the bag on the counter, you check the contents of it and glance back at your son, Adam.

»What is it?«

He asks curiously and excitedly waits for you to reveal it, already on his tiptoes. You take in the contents of it, eventually taking them out onto your counter. It‘s mostly essentials like food or hygiene, but there‘s also a toy of a fire truck inside, possibly for your son. Without thinking, Adam takes it, eyes wide with excitement and light disbelief. He goes on to test it out, discovering the siren mode and the way the tiny lights turn blue and red at the same time. It‘s clear that he‘s more than fascinated, and he tried to convince you to bring it to school with him. Obviously, it didn‘t work, but there‘s a chance he‘ll sneak it into his bag pack anyway.

After sorting the items in, you finally manage to get ready for work, but not without taking your son to school first.

While you are at work, you think about the interaction you had with Red Hood just last night. The fact that you rescued him from a burning warehouse was one thing, but getting kidnapped by one of his goons is another. You don‘t want to imagine how they kindapped Adam, but considering how cheerful and awfully normal he is, you assume they didn‘t do anything to hurt him. At least one aspect about the infamous vigilante is somewhat adorable. But the fact that a so called ‘Bob‘ knocked you out on your way home still lingers in the back of your mind.

Meanwhile, Adam gets out of school and decides to walk back home on his own. It‘s not that far anyway and he has his new toy in his hands, that reminds him both of his mom and the cool guy with a red helmet. Walking his way down a street, he is too busy watching the funky lights play on and off at his firetruck to notice a darker figure on the opposite side.

Jason wanted to see who would pick him up today, but no one showed up. It made him feel uneasy, and the fact that this kid is walking alone is making him feel strange about the situation. Finally, he crosses the street and walks a little behind Adam. It may seem creepy from another perspective — and Jason is well aware — but he just wants to take care of the little kid. He is just glad the sun is out today, or else he would definitely get suspected even more.

But before Jason could accompany Adam fully to his home, the smaller boy glances behind him with an arched eyebrow. Seems like he noticed the bigger guy, who looks like a bodybuilder from any children‘s perspective.

»Why are you following me?«

Jason stops in his tracks, not having expected for him to actually turn around and confront him directly. He seemed totally distracted just a moment ago.

»I‘m your mom‘s friend. Remember? I, uh...«

He hesitates on what to say next, unsure if he can actually trust this kid to keep his identity a secret.

»I actually got you that toy.« He finished his sentence and hopes this won‘t make him end up in a cell. Adam, however, stays stoic, his eyes glancing down at the small firetruck. There‘s a moment of silence and an air of tension until he speaks again.

»If it‘s true, then show me how it works.«

He decides, handing over the smaller truck to Jason.

Not even ten years old and this young man knows how to catch a massive guy off guard. But nevertheless, Jason takes the toy and clicks on the button that makes the lights turn on. He also carefully pulls the ladder out that‘s attached to it, showing it to Adam.

»There. Convinced yet?«

In reality, Jason hopes the kid isn‘t convinced, so he can get out of the trouble he is in now. But by the looks of the kid‘s eyes, he seems more than convinced, if not star-struck. Finally, Adam takes back his functional fire truck and takes Jason by his hand, trusting him fully.

Moments later, the pair is back at your home as Jason gets his ears talked off by your talkative son. He tells him about his day at school and the interesting stuff he learned there while showing him the whole house.

God bless, Jason isn‘t one of the evil drug lords.

Now, he spends his time sitting on the floor with your son, patiently listening to him while fixing his toys that broken through the years. It‘s soothing his mind, if not comforting, getting to babysit a bubbly but nice kid.

»Adam? Who‘re you talking to?«

Jason didn‘t even hear the keys jingle at the door or your footsteps. Now he is trouble. He simply hopes you recognise his face from rescuing him that night and won‘t freak out further.

Once you come into view, he awkwardly waves and gives you a polite smile.

Obviously, you pause and keep your eyes strictly on him, the pieces slowly coming together. Adam is oblivious to the tension in your body language and introduces him to you.

»This is Jason! He knows how the truck works and he fixes all my things. He‘s cool.«

Your son nods to emphasise his words and smiles too, proudly showing his teeth. You simply chuckle awkwardly and keep Jason in your sight.

The bigger man simply finished repairing the toy and puts it back on the floor with the other various stuff.

»I‘ll… be leaving then.« He mutters out, getting off the floor, ruffling the little guy‘s hair before walking past you into the hallway. Adam shoots you another smile before returning his attention to his repaired toys.

You quickly follow Jason into the hallway, blocking the front door before he can leave without another word.

»Jason, huh? Did you stalk us and put a tracker in all of his toys, or what? What do you want?«

You question immediately and cross your arms, showing off the light muscles from your work. He has to snap back, not wanting to get overwhelmed by your questions.

»No, God, no… This seems creepy, but trust me, I never harm children. And I accidentally crossed paths with Adam, he just so happens to be talkative.« He realises that will make you more upset, so he tries to save it.

»Uh— you can take a visit to my base, I let the children of my coworkers live with us. Give them shelter. They‘re all sweethearts.«

He shrugs, also crossing his arms while awaiting your answer. You seem to contemplate it, if not actually consider this option. He sees you shake your head, exhaling lightly.

»No, thanks. I have enough stuff to do. Just don‘t cross paths with my son again. Please.«

You watch him nod quickly, taking his boots on again to leave.

After the rather nerve wrecking conversation for the both of you, you return to the living room and sit onto the couch. Adam glances up at you, laying the fixed toys in front of you.

»Look, he did that. He even fixed my favourite, grandpa couldn‘t do that...«

You remember the day your father gave up on fixing that toy, having left Adam sad for the rest of the day. It‘s refreshing to see it fixed up, looking as good as new. Shaking your head, you try to change the topic.

»How was school today?«

But instead of receiving his usual rambles, he groans and throws his head back.

»I told Jason everything, I don‘t want to repeat it. But it was interesting!« He shrugs and takes up all his toys, carefully carrying them back into his room. He left you in the living room, making you contemplate your previous hate for Jason.

⁛

The next mornings are spent by explaining your son why Jason can‘t come over every day after school to play games with him or show him what stuff he learned in school. Adam has a hard time accepting it, ending up grumpy and a little more sassy than usual for the rest of the school walk.

It‘s not until your father is too busy to take care of your son one evening while you have a night shift. Sighing out and swallowing your pride, you ask your son.

»Did Jason tell you how we could contact him?«

Adam narrows his eyes before he nods, crossing his arms and tilting his chin up.

»But he said only to use it in emergencies.« That‘s new. Blinking, you ask again.

»And where is ‘it‘?«

»On my fire truck.« He smiles proudly, letting you guess where it is. It‘s almost like he‘s turning the tables by also indirectly telling you “I told you so.“.

»...Is it in your schoolbag?« You take a guess and it‘s unsurprisingly correct, making Adam grow a little sheepish.

Moments later, he shows you the emergency button, built in the bottom of his fire truck, making you a little impressed.

»And what did he say would happen if you press it?«

»He‘ll run as fast as possible.«

Right. Let‘s test that theory, your shift is about to start in half an hour.

Adam presses the button and looks out the window from the living room, waiting not as patiently. You stay beside him at the kitchen counter and also peek into the living room, curious as to how Jason will appear in the next few minutes.

The vigilante gets a notification at his wristband and checks on it, recognising the call name he saved on it. Immediately, he leaves his office and makes his way to your apartment, cutting off cars and running over red lights on his bike. He gets there exactly three minutes later, climbing easily in through the window.

His eyes scan over the living room, noticing your head peek out from the kitchen. He approaches, keeping his hand by his thigh holster. »You alrigh‘?« His voice sounds a little rougher than usual, probably coming from his ragged breaths.

You nod and glance down at Adam by the kitchen table, watching the two of you with curiousity.

»Yeah… just wanted to ask if you could take care of Adam while I‘m at work. Nightshift.«

Jason pauses before he snaps back and nods slowly, glancing between Adam‘s poor concealed smile and your sheepish demeanor. But it doesn‘t take much convincing before he nods, eventually relaxing himself.

»Sure. Scared me with that signal though...«

Once you left him a check list for things to do, he is left alone with Adam. Your son seems ecstatic to hang out together with Jason, which doesn‘t surprise him one bit.

First thing on the list is to go grocery shopping together with Adam and eventually eat food, then try to lay Adam into bed not too late. Taking the challenge as granted, he walks to the next grocery shop with the little one and makes sure to hold his hand. Adam insisted to take a shopping cart together, and ended up sitting inside while Jason pushed him around. They managed to get all the needed items and get back home. The little guy helped with sorting the items back into the shelfs and cabinets, while Jason mostly helps him to get to the high shelfs. Safe to say, your son is already having a great time.

They both reheated the meal from the lunch from earlier, eating together at the dinner table with some youtube on Jason‘s phone. Jason feels proud of his achievement, having done everything and it‘s almost bed time for Adam. He never thought that babysitting an elemntary student would be so easy, if not entertaining. Damian, for example, was never like Adam. But then again, he can‘t compare children… especially, since Damian was raised to be an assassin.

»Can we watch some of my stuff?«

Adam cuts his train of thoughts, making him look back at him at the opposite of the table. Jason shrugs and nods, taking his phone again.

»Sure. What‘ve you got?«

The smaller boy smiles lightly and answers him, watching Jason‘s reaction at the same time.

»Do you know Scooby-Doo?«

Jason blinks at his questions and looks up from his phone to Adam, narrowing his eyes at him.

»You know Scooby-Doo?«

Adam nods eagerly and seems to get impatient, wanting to watch his favourite show.

»My mom loves it, she showed it to me. I think that Shaggy is really funny, and I like his dog.« Your son tells Jason with a nod of his head, trying to peek over Jason‘s phone to see if he is already searching it up. The taller guy chuckles softly and eventually stands off the chair, nodding to the bedroom of Adam.

»C‘mon, get ready for bed, and we‘ll watch some episodes.«

The little boy jumps off his chair and gets to his room, eventually changing into his sleep wear and gets ready in the bathroom. Jason gives him some privacy and stays in the kitchen until he hears Adam‘s excited yell for him to get into his room and watch his favourite show. A light smile grows on his face as he enters his room, sitting on the edge of the bed and props up the phone in front of them, letting a random episode begin to play.

Adam pays attention to the show and stays seated comfortably inside his blanket beside Jason. It‘s peaceful and rather wholesome, and Jason tries his best not to dream of having his own kid some day.

After all of the stuff he has done today, Jason‘s eyes grow heavier and his head lays back against the headboard, slowly falling into a light nap beside the little boy. Adam notices immediately but doesn‘t comment on it, considering that he should rest. He takes his phone and simply lays the blanket over Jason‘s lap, sharing his blanket with him. The show gets cut off as Adam shuts the phone down, laying it near Jason, before he lays down too and gets to sleep.

You get off work somewhere after midnight, getting told to go home from your boss, considering it‘s a quiet night. Finally home, you do your best on being quiet, noticing the silent apartment. Seems like Jason took good care of Adam, but you‘re unsure if he actually stayed for the night or not. You offered him to just go back home once he gets Adam into bed, but he seemed determined to stay by his side. As you walk into Adam‘s room, you notice not one, but two people on the bed. The door creaks lightly as you open it further, jerking Jason awake from his rest.

He didn‘t even realise he was asleep. He carefully gets out of bed and tucks the kid into the blanket before he gets out of the room.

You quirk an eyebrow at him, slightly amused at his rather dishevelled appearance.

»Who fell asleeo first?« You joke quietly, making Jason almost get defensive. He releases a soft huff of amusement, rubbing the back of his neck.

»Probably me. My fault, got too comfortable.«

He admits quietly and glances back at the door, before his eyes fall back to yours. You remain quiet for a moment until you speak up again.

»Did everything go well? Nothing happened?« He shakes his head and smiles lightly at the memory of Adam‘s earlier rants and rambles about everything and anything, remembering how talkative he is.

»No, he was nice. Talked a lot.« He reassures you, taking in you in again, »Need help with anything else? You‘re probably tired after work and it‘s...« He scrambles for his phone in his pocket, trying to check the time. But you are faster than him, finishing off his sentence.

»One-thirty. I know, but I don‘t anything anymore. You can go home.«

He hums softly in acknowledgement and tucks his phone away again,taking a brief moment to collect himself.

»Right, then, I‘ll...« He trails off as he gestures to his shoes by the entrance, knowing he should leave already. You nod and step aside for him, watching as he puts his boots back on. He straightens up again and stands before you, feeling rather awkward at the moment. You hear him clear your throat, taking you out of your thoughts.

»Good night… uhm— get home safe.« You tell him as he reaches for the doorknob, pausing in his action for a moment. He nods lightly and finally steps out of the door, stopping to face you again.

»Next time, call me if you need a babysitter.«

⁛

Bruce‘s frown deepens as he works at his batcomputer, doing his best to come up with any excuse to reason the scene he sees before him. It is pretty obvious, there‘s Jason, holding a kid by his hand as he walks down a street. It‘s not Lian, that‘s for sure, so who is this other child? Did he miraculously adopt one? Maybe he was just babysitting one of his goon‘s kids. That‘s probably it. But then again… he doesn‘t look like any of the kids he saw before.

With a quiet grumble, Bruce shuts the computer off and gets to his batmobile, starting patrol. Hopefully, he‘ll meet Jason on the way and confront him about it.

Jason gets on his gear and starts patrol at approximately the same time, starting off his route at the Crime Alley. On the way to other areas, he stumbles across Batman and tries to find another route, but it seems like the Bat is purposfully getting to him. A light groan leaves Jason, but he stays put, eventually stopping and hopes the next conversation won‘t make him lose brain cells. He

»I have questions.«

Batman gets straight to the point, making Jason roll his eyes under the helmet, but he won‘t show his annoyance yet.

»Right. Go ahead.«

He is already expecting some kind of interrogation about the newest deals he made, but Batman looks less tense than usual.

»Who‘s that kid?«

Jason wants to literally throw himself over that building, but it would only make him break some bones. He visibly tenses up but keeps composed, crossing his arm in a relaxed manner.

»What kid?« He counters, trying to avoid the question as best as he can.

»Grey hoodie, probably in third grade, bright red school bag.«

Batman lists off, watching Jason‘s body language closely.

He is in fourth grade. Is all Jason can think of and tries to remain stoic, eventually starting to walk to the edge of the building, making himself ready to get to another rooftop.

»Know nothing of a kid.« And he uses his grappling hook to get to escape to another rooftop, succesfully escaping this confrontation. Batman frowns lightly and watches his son get away yet again, making him once more disappointed. But he won‘t go after him, deciding to give him some space and try to research more on it.

It‘s not until Jason gets back to his safe house, he checks on his private phone and regrets turning it on. There are a few messages from his older brother, frowning in confusion. He opens his chat and blinks, it taking a moment to register what he sees. There‘s a picture of him and Adam, walking down the street, hand in hand. The height difference is funny, even to him, but he focuses on reading the caption.

Didn‘t know you adopted one yourself. What‘s his name, Jaybird? Am I an uncle now?

Jason‘s left eye twitches, and he realises why Bruce confronted him earlier. And he figures that Dick took that picture as well. How could he not notice that obnoxious bastard that day?

He ends up blocking his number, tossing his phone away into the couch.

sorry for taking so long, i had so many things to do and i usually don't take months for a request, but you also gave me a whole storyline that i had to plan through properly. thanks for the request again, hope you have great day/night!!

←MASTERLIST

[sunlessea]

he supposes it doesn't think him the type for such serious reminiscing. how it would have gawked in awe, had it ever met him in his days as a helsing pup proper - such a noble heir he'd once been, with his head held high on his shoulder, presenting himself above everyone around him, most of all masters like itself. he's thankful it hadn't, though. he's not sure he ever could've looked at it with such kindness as he does now, in his time as cassius ashburnum. it never would have trusted him again, had it been irons he had fought that day he burned the bazaar down, rather than mr fires. now, he can rest his hands at either side of its neck and it does not seem to even consider the possibly that he would wrap them around its neck.

the thought had been there, when they'd first begun interacting. it had assumed this a ploy of some sort, to hunt it, surely. in this position, he could kill it, if he tried. catch it by some manner of surprise, and finish a job long forgotten. it trusts him, he notes, as he gently strokes his thumb along its jawline. its ears are flat 'gainst its head, claws gentle alone his sides ... as much as they can be, from a beast not accustomed to playing so nice.

"i believe that you trust me, and i don't think you could trust me if you didn't love me. but i also believe that if someone is incapable of telling another person their feelings out loud ... then they don't love them enough." his answer is honest, where he has not always been. his hands lower from its shoulders again to gently tug at some of the fabric its bundled in, layer upon layer of cloaks. they were already falling off as it had been, but now he parts some of them further. it is only enough, in the end, to expose some small section of its chest - enough that he may slip his hand underneath and sprawl his palm open over the lacking beat of its heart. there's no gentle thrum inside of it, like his own, no candle lit for mr irons to feign its humanity.

he wonders, yet doesn't ask. maybe it's never had very much reason to wish for human things : a heartbeat, air, passion, pleasure, love, tears, raw emotion. just like him, in an age long past. but he desires now, more than anything. enough for both of them, how his heart races, his cheeks flush, his eyes water.

but maybe it isn't so far off.

"how fondly? in what ways do you think of me? fondly enough that you want to kiss me, but not so that you will tell me that you love me. you don't know your own heart, do you? you didn't even know you had one." he is patient, even when he isn't. his own ears flatten, his expression both lonesome and yearning in his understanding. he would wait forever ... but watching the pieces slowly fall into place makes his heart ache. he wants it to love him so badly. he wants it to want him, too. "you say carnality, i just call it romance. i'm used to being misunderstood, but i want you to understand me. as a poet of veilgarden, i've turned down countless men and women in this city who sought carnal pleasure. i can't let someone touch me who doesn't love me. i just can't. my heart is my body and if anyone ever took advantage of my heart, i would kill myself."

his dramatics do not end with everyday banter or vivacious teases - but even through flowery self deprecation, he is so very serious. its hands on his hips stabilize him, however, giving him something to focus on so he doesn't lose himself in romantic reverie. by time he is done with its cloaks, the last bits of them only cling to irons' arms, and that is not something he can push off on his own. so he stares down at it, fingers tracing lines of its muscles once more. his expression is far away, distant, but not sad. he's lost in thought, paying mind to every spot that makes it shudder when his fingers move over them. it's more sensitive than he'd thought.

it grabs his attention again when it speaks, and he looks up at it with wide, doe - like eyes, curious and contemplative. before it even clarifies the heavy burden it offers him, he's taken by it, his tail swaying gently behind him with expectation. the more secure it squeezes his hips as it lifts itself to sit with him on its lap, the faster his tail starts to wag, ears at last perking up once more. for how seriously he'd worn his melancholy, his expression melts easily into tender reverence, smile 'pon his lips with narrowed eyes as their noses touch. he shifts with it, raising his arms up to wrap 'round its shoulders and pull it in closer so they can sit comfortably face - to - face. "you are not a burden, mr irons. your heart is a gift."

maybe he should've expected it to kiss him, how it had been shifting to close the space 'tween them again ... but he is still a little surprised, all the same. the second time it less brutal than the first, and as a result, less awkward - the harsh press of its lips 'gainst his own is much less feral, though still quite rough. it's charming, in a way. he thinks this is its attempt at kindness, and he does not tease it for that. he falls into line, pulling it down harder by its shoulders and letting it part his lips against its once more, 'til its tongue finds his own. he's able to shift in its lap until his legs comfortably rest at its sides, knees pressing into its thighs as his fingers tangle through its hair. its need is met by his own passion, a loving romantic at his core, even in the depths of spiraling desire, albeit of a purer context than his admissions of fantasy would suggest.

humanity is hardly so simple for those born inhuman. to neatly box the wild and often inconsistent flux of its feelings into something kine could comprehend, to balance learned nature with its basal instinct—its love resulting comes intertwined with a certain hunger. and that is difficult to explain, more than just a comfortable warmth against its chest, more than excitement, or an ache in its stomach, it is, above all else, an intense and indomitable craving. it feels it 'cross every inch of its body, inside and out, with every kiss he steals and how earnestly he wraps himself around it.

the way he touches it drives it absolutely mad, in a way it is not wholly certain that it actually minds : it is naught like anything it, personally, had it proffer a more accurate definition, fantasized, and it thinks it might then be the surprise of it that leaves it feeling so willfully captured. his fingers tracing 'gainst subtle ripples of muscle and skin follow a trail so delightfully sensitive in ways it could never have expected, untouched as it had been in its self-imposed isolation. it likes the warmth it feels 'neath his palms, against his body, his breath against its lips the few moments their lips part and how it feels his breathing quiver with each slow, arduous draw of its tongue over the wound begged-open 'neath its teeth; it likes how he always beckons it closer with his blood still on its tongue, deepening their kiss with venture of his own will. it likes how its body cannot decide, in continued conflict of its own heart, if it should purr or growl, and how often it alternates 'tween both muffled by his lips.

not to say that it is without surprise when his body shifts. though it is, perhaps, more muted a shock than t'would otherwise be, were he any other. and it may as well be purely for the lack of force, rather than strength—it feels when his leg hooks even tighter 'cross its back, the subtle pressure of his heel pressing into its side, but this too feels more like he is simply beckoning it follow his lead. and that is the bigger surprise, how simply it relents.

this, yes, has it growl. but that is merely natural response for any predator proper pushed to such a vulnerable point. even fully clothed, having rolled gently 'pon its back with his encouragement, it feels so exposed laying beneath him! it mourns the taste of him, same as the pressure of his lips, but it is stalled in its own personal languishing by how sternly he seems look back at it—it can't recall a moment he's ever been so, even when they'd first met. and that, more than anything, piques its interest and begs its attention.

better would it be the sort of blushing maiden with heat rushing to flood her cheeks at such a thought, than how stone-faced it is in their reality. there is no pretty poetry to weave how it stares up at him, wide-eyed and ears slowly pressing 'gainst its head for cause of ... not embarrassment, quite, but something like— it has heard far cruder things, years passed before they ever crossed paths, but it thinks it is his clarification most that his its chest constrict, fang pulling the soft flesh of its cheek 'neath to chew as it tries to pretend it is not quite so affected as it most certainly is. it is not shy, but it is not ... this particularly brazen, either. he definitely is special.

" do you believe i love you? " its voice feels particularly hoarse, even to it : and it presumes it is only cause for how often it was stolen in their heated exchange, every gasp or moan or plea stifled by each their eager tongues. but even so, its tone is cautious; careful, where what little inflection it is able to offer cannot otherwise be misconstrued for rejection. its chest aches too, feeling how his hands continue making their way 'cross its skin, the bulk of its body, but that nagging pull has grown increasingly familiar in the passing weeks. it considers itself lucky merely only shuddering when his fingers brush over dips along its body that are more sensitive than most. the tension ebbs and flows, but its fixation 'pon him is unwavering.

it thinks its gaze shakes while he speaks, rapt, a subtle quiver align with the occasional shiver that runs its way through its body. it's a far different tone than how he has ever approached it—and yet, it is somehow just the same. desire spoken from the heart, a romantic at his core, no matter how salacious the tale he could weave, he hardly need speak of the love he feels for it for it to comprehend. it hurts when it swallows, 'round the growing lump in its throat.

" it ... is true, the subjects of which my thoughts have drifted to. i have thought about what it might have been like to kiss you more than i am open to admit. though i do— ... did not understand the process. i desired to. i do think of you fondly. in numerous ways, and that is strange to me. " like would he be to forgive it, its quiet voice; barely above murmur, that, as it gradually takes to unraveling its hold 'round his waist, slowly pulling its hands down over his hips as it speaks, " i would never think less of you for carnality. i think you are naive, at your best, but physicality or need for is hardly my concern. i do not understand you, or what you have done to me. of that, i feel as if i no longer know myself. "

his hair tickles its cheek, its jaw; shrouds them where what few parts of its cloaks still cling to it offer little protection from the intensity of his gaze. " it is a heavy burden to ask of you, elysium, but ... " it starts, but pauses soon after; its hands have settled neatly over his hips, and though it does squeeze them long enough to beckon even more of his attention, it uses its tight grip as means to steady itself as it lifts itself up to brush its nose up 'gainst his own. once more, merely a breath apart—and it really does savor the feeling, nearly more than the blood it still knows clings to his lips. and its too, though it's quick to swipe that away as it pulls itself closer to him. hands travelling slow from hip to side, pressing down gently 'long the slight curve of his waist. " —perhaps you might be willing to bring clarity to my own heart? " it has not suddenly become anymore confident in the gesture as it had started. but it is difficult to be too clumsy, this close. no sooner has it finished speaking before it closes the distance; and once more, it pushes its lips hard against his own. not in curiosity, or even impulse : it needs him.

[demigodofhoolemere]

I’m so glad I didn’t bother watching this show, because every time I see these things online I just want to scream. This moment isn’t new to me, but for crying out loud:

Marvel desperately needs to learn what the heck “narcissist” actually means. They keep using it on people and the character they’re describing that way is literally never actually a narcissist. It’s a clinical term and so not synonymous with someone who just has some level of ego, and certainly not something you can throw around to describe someone who is merely trying to give the appearance of an ego in order to cover their vulnerabilities like Loki or Tony.

And like, Loki in particular? Holy crap, that is not a narcissist. That’s someone who’s been having a hard time all his life and was raised with a comparison to Thor always hanging over his head, showing those vulnerabilities would just get people treating him like he’s weak, of course he tries to hide it behind a bit of false confidence. On top of that he’s trying desperately to not look broken after everything Thanos did. His “ego” is really just a shield. This should have been blindingly obvious but Waldron apparently has no critical thinking skills when watching anything (assuming he watched Loki’s prior appearances in the first place, which I’m pretty sure he admitted he hadn’t), and Marvel seems to have lost all memory of phases 1 and 2. They also don’t appear to have realized that real narcissists aren’t gonna just admit to being a narcissist, and everyone from the writers to the audience don’t appear to understand that just because someone says they’re xyz doesn’t make it true. People can have VERY wrong perceptions of themselves (��Always so perceptive about everyone but yourself,” anyone?…), and in this specific scene I believe the context was that he was trying to get an endless loop of physical abuse to stop so he was willing to just say what they wanted to hear. Those are NOT the conditions under which someone should be believed without question, that’s duress. (Also I find it darkly amusing that so often people will act like every word out of Loki’s mouth is a lie and nothing he says can ever be trusted, even though he’s blatantly being honest a lot of the time, but then if he says something bad people take it for the truth immediately without analyzing the situation whatsoever. That feels very typical of his life.)

And as for the craving attention part, I mean, yeah? He was on the sidelines for so much of his life and felt he could never measure up to how much people adored Thor, and worst of all couldn’t even measure up in the eyes of his father. Of course that environment creates someone who desperately wants to be seen and paid any attention. But they seem to act as if it’s an innate thing rather than born of something, and that everything he does is just him acting out in some kind of tantrum to be noticed, and that wanting attention is some kind of failing and he’s just being childish for it. Craving attention is almost never as simple as just being childish, generally speaking there is always a reason that that behavior came to be. (Even if he did match the words I just used like “childish” and “tantrum”, even those things aren’t usually black-and-white purely negative behavior that’s solely on the person acting that way, because they come about in the first place due to suffering a lack of something they truly need but aren’t being given. A baby cries when they aren’t being fed, a child may act out if their parents aren’t giving them the focus they need, etc. These things come from a source. Even if Loki WERE just throwing tantrums, that’s indicative of a root problem started by others’ neglect.)

And literally why the heck would he say any of this, even under duress? This is not a man who would just admit to these things, whether or not they were true, because either way it would make him feel like he’s being weak and he can’t do that. He didn’t even tell his family about Thanos to give himself a defense because he wouldn’t admit to having been made so weak. He may not be egotistical but he does have a fair amount of pride born of the need to look strong in a culture that doesn’t value him. He’s not gonna just lay down and go, ‘I’m bad for xyz reasons and I’m scared of being alone.’ That’s not how he works. I want to shake everyone who made this show by the shoulders and force them to watch Loki’s first three movies on endless repeat until his psychology really sinks in.

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Mel for the unhinged character bingo!

yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS

[slut4thebroken]

size kink

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jason Todd x reader

Summary | He as a size kink. That’s it lol.

Warnings | Smut, size kink, manhandling, praise, creampie, gaping, cockwarming.

Words | 1k

Notes | 😵‍💫 that fucking comic panel tho

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

Kinktober | day 6: manhandling + size kink

Can y’all help me come up with a title😭 I’m literally so exhausted and I just want to pass out but I have to post it within two hours for it to still be day 6 skfhsk

Jason Todd has a huge size kink… He’s so massive that it’s honestly hard not to because there are barely any female body types that aren’t smaller than him. Tall, big, buff— all smaller than him, usually by a lot too. 

Especially you. You’re pretty much the same size as the average woman, but standing next to Jason— he practically dwarfs you. Whenever he holds your hand, you usually end up just holding two of his fingers because it’s more comfortable that way. Even when he places his hand on your thigh, he can completely cover the entire width of it. 

Even though he loves the way it feels to hold you, how easy it is to lift you and manhandle you however he wants… one of his most favorite things is how small your cunt is too. It wasn’t abnormally small— it was proportionate to your body— but compared to his abnormally large cock? Even just compared to his fingers, you could barely take it. 

He always tried to do as much foreplay as possible because, even though he thinks it’s hot when your face scrunches up in pain as you do your best to take him, he doesn’t actually want to hurt you or make it not good for you. So he usually eats you out, slowly working you open on his fingers. He almost always gives you at least one orgasm before even attempting to fit his cock inside you, but even after the time he made you come over and over again for two hours straight, you were still so fucking tight. 

You let out these soft whimpers and sounds of pain that make his cock throb. Sometimes you gasp out and desperately cling to him, trying to ground yourself. He always eases his cock in slowly, holding your hand or cupping your cheek and whispering soft praises into your ear. 

“So good at taking my cock, baby. I’m almost halfway.” You whined and squeezed your eyes shut, focusing on taking deep breaths and relaxing your muscles. Jason couldn’t help but look down between your bodies, watching his cock slowly disappear into your tight heat. “Almost there, princess.” His voice was low and thick with poorly restrained arousal. When he finally bottomed out, you let out a pained whimper and he closed his eyes, trying not to bust his load right then and there. 

“Such a good girl. You’re doing so good, baby.” He murmured tenderly, leaning down to kiss over your neck as his hand snaked down to rub your clit. You usually signaled whenever you were ready for him to start moving and he’d slowly draw his hips back, then push in again at the same pace. 

Sometimes though, he’d stand and hold you in the air, lifting you up and down on his cock, limiting your squirming significantly. Or if you were riding him, he’d grab your hips and move you however fast and hard he wanted— even if you put all your strength into staying seated or moving away, he was always stronger than you. It took practically no effort for him to lift you up and down, fucking you like you were his own personal sex doll. 

While he usually liked being able to kiss you and watch your expression contort in pain as your walls were forced to accommodate his cock, he also liked putting you on your stomach. Sometimes he’d put you on your knees and push your face into the bed, but he liked laying on top of you even more. With his large legs caging in your much smaller ones, it made you even tighter. He loved being able to completely lay on top of you and wrap his arms around you, forcing you to feel every inch of his thick cock going in and out of your pussy. That position always made you feel trapped, but more in an exciting way rather than an anxious way because you knew he’d get off of you in a heartbeat if you told him to. 

“That’s it… Be a good girl and just take it, baby.” He whispered breathily, lips brushing your ear. You let out a choked moan and he moved his hand to squeeze your neck. “You just lay there and let me use my favorite little fleshlight.” Every single time— without fail— your cunt would get impossibly tighter when he talked to you like that. 

Something else he loved; the amount of come he released was proportional to his body as well… Sometimes he liked to paint your pretty face, completely drench you in his seed, but usually he liked filling you up. He liked dragging his hips back until his cock finally dislodged from your tight pussy that was practically trying to suck him in, and watching his come dribble out of your gaping hole, down your puffy folds. 

“Oh, look at you, baby…” He cooed, voice raspy and thick. You whined and squirmed, enjoying the feeling of him filling you up and his seed leaking out of your abused cunt almost as much as he did. 

“Squeeze that little cunt, princess. Try to keep my come inside.” He ordered softly, grabbing your ass and pulling you open to get a perfect view of your holes. He watched them flutter, but even when you tried your hardest, his cock had stretched you out too much for your hole to be able to tighten up again so soon. 

“Poor thing… can’t keep my come in that needy little pussy.” He chuckled, collecting the leaking come on his fingers and pushing it back into your hole. “But that’s okay, baby. I’ll help you…” you let out a choked moan when he forced his cock back in, stretching you once again, “keep you nice and plugged up, huh?” He laid down over you again, but turned so you were both on your sides in a spooning position with his cock still deep in your pussy— It would usually stay there until you fell asleep, but sometimes only until he got worked up enough for round two. 

(I’m still bad at ending one shots lol)

[rockingbytheseaside]

✦ When someone tries to imitate you or take your place 

Pierro, Capitano, Dottore, Pantalone 

(tw: general mentions of violence and intimacy, swf. Old ask suggested by the lovely @pandaquick, better late than never)

Your position in the Fatui is a much more personal and delicate matter. You are not just some high-rank advisor or soldier idling within the Zapolyarny Palace, nor can you be defined as another Fatuus. You are someone of a different echelon - a Harbinger’s beloved, safeguarded with the utmost honor conferred by Her Majesty the Tsaritsa. It is no secret your significant other would utilize a whole army to protect you, but what happens when someone, in their foolishness, forgets that?

✧ Pierro was the first to notice that someone tried to imitate you. An individual of high status endeavored to emulate your work and areas of expertise. Subsequently, this individual began to adopt aspects of your appearance, from hairstyle to clothing. However, the breaking point occurred when this foolish person attempted to purchase an identical jewelry brooch to the one you frequently wore. It was a similar piece, one gifted to you by Pierro.

Except that imitator missed one important clue - Pierro orders you custom-made silver adorned with deep-cut sapphires that would put the Tsaritsa’s crown into shame. A one of a kind piece.

This cheap attempt to imitate you and usurp your spot was what forced The Jester to abandon his silent observation. His gaze has long caught the envious glances directed towards you whenever you accompanied him on meetings, whenever he linked his arm with yours, whenever he generously kneeled beside you to put his coat over your shoulder and keep you warm from Snezhnaya’s cold - the same individual, always seething with resentment. Thus, it was time for the Director to silently act. 

He kept tabs on this person via a network of spies, gathering intel on their behavior and intentions. And with the most skilled spies raised from the House of the Hearth, it didn't take long to have a whole pile of evidence right on his desk. And with the simple snap of his fingers, he effortlessly orchestrated the apprehension and subsequent banishment of the culprit, sparing no unnecessary words. Hearsay will not be tolerated in the Fatui, but to see some lowly scum tarnish your reputation by cheap mimicry then it’ll be his responsibility to weed out. 

“Pierro, dearest, What's wrong? You seem so deep in thought.” - Your gentle murmur broke The Jester's train of thought. As he lay in bed, your head resting on his chest and his arm draped over you, he reminded himself that he was in the comfort of your love. He doesn't have to mull over the bloodied ordinances when he feels the warmth of your skin underneath the covers.

“Apologies, my divine. It seems my mind was drifting to troubling thoughts. But it no longer matters when you're here.” - Thus, he gently planted a kiss on your forehead and tucked the covers around your body which harbored marks of his devotion earlier that night.

✧ Il Capitano clutched the hilt of his sword in resolution. Something was wrong and he could see it. The Harbinger was in the middle of his morning spar with you, a regular training session where you and the Captain warm up as a routine. He stood in a defensive stance, his movements fluid yet measured as his sword received blow after blow from your weapon. You, on the other hand, moved like a silent tempest, your strikes precise yet frustratingly urgent.

It was unlike you to be so unsteady, noted Capitano to himself, especially when fighting. Despite the unspoken patience, an undercurrent of concealed despondency and anger laced your body language. 

“Alright, my dear, I can feel your unease. What troubles your heart?” 

You shook your head, panting as you almost faltered. You insisted on continuing the training session, but it was clear your brave facade was almost crumbling. 

“It would be foolish to continue. And I care about your well-being. Please, confide in me, my beloved.”

You tried, you really did. But before you know it, your lips pursed into a thin line and a flood of tears escaped the moment you shakily lowered your weapon. Now the Captain was on full alert, rushing towards you and gently supporting you before you could hide your tearful face in shame. With an arm around your trembling form and much persuasion - you relented and shared the source of your frustration. A newly enlisted soldier had undergone thorough training under the tutelage of Il Capitano, and their impressive advancement was unmistakably evident in their unwavering dedication. However, this individual began to devote more time to the Captain, delving into military intelligence and climbing the ranks. You genuinely felt joy for the new recruit, truly. Yet in timid humiliation, you had to confess you felt obsolete as if your power alone wasn’t enough for a harbinger of his caliber and ranks.

“Ah, my dear, you are far from weak. My time with the trainees is merely a duty, a part of my job as the 1st Harbinger. But when it comes to you, my dear, your might and wisdom are incomparable. You don’t deserve my ranks, you deserve my life laid before you.”

But whatever gentle words of affection were coming out of the Captain, your next words of truth made him halt at once. “... At least, that’s what the recruit told me when we spoke. That I'm weak.” 

“...What did you say?” 

The gentle armored hand on your shoulder now tightened in restrained anger, fury flaring within his chest. Capitano now understood: your tears, your sudden insecurity, your doubt, your silence… It wasn’t coincidental. This recruit who was so conveniently rising in the ranks made sure to aim not just for the Harbinger. Specifically, you; to sow self-doubt onto you and hinder your precious relationship. Someone was deliberately bullying you.

You looked up at Capitano’s dreadful silence, asking him what was wrong.

“It… seems, my dear, someone has crossed an unforgivable line. One that would cost them their life dearly. And I am to blame for not noticing when harm and doubt came your way. I must amend this transgression for your forgiveness.”

You blinked in response, not having time to comprehend the severity of his words; It’s hard to respond when your beloved suddenly kneels and bows like a knight on duty. In the end, Capitano ushered you to take a day off and let your mind rest easy.

The next day, Capitano returned home early but was eerily silent once more. He stayed with you the whole day, like a hawk overlooking his nest, his arms crossed but his touch gentle. Although he claimed nothing was wrong, you received news that certain recruits were gone, and any upcoming soldiers that would come into his care would receive even stricter training from now on. That day, you wondered why some Fatui soldiers feared talking to you. Not to mention the armor around Capitano’s knuckles seemed faintly red-tinted.

The Fatui organization was a constant battle of powers and ranks. But to climb the ladder and meddle with the life of The Captain was a personal offense, one that would result in quick and unapologetic bloodshed. Nevertheless, he made sure to remind his soldiers about that. 

✧ When one of the folks working under Il Dottore as a lab analyst approached you, you didn’t expect them to call you names so suddenly. You stood there, confused and apprehensive at the sudden barrage of insults from the stranger. But they explained:

“You don’t do anything when helping during research, you know! I don’t even know how The 2nd tolerates you when you’re this useless. I’ll tell you what, quit your special-treatment act, and don’t come back to the lab. The Doctor is better off with someone of his level of intellect.”

You didn’t fight or defend yourself, you didn’t even insult the assistant. Instead, you smiled simply  - “Very well, I won’t. Good luck.”

That day, you turned and left. The frustrated lab analyst was left in confusion but thought they succeeded in eliminating the only obstacle left to get closer to the elusive yet powerful Harbinger. After all, what the hell do you even do at his lab? You exchange a few words with Dottore, maybe sporadically point at what to do, and remain seated in the back, resting as if you were the Tsaritsa herself. The audacity. How come Il Dottore never kicked you out?

Well, it didn't take long for this person to find out.

The next day, naturally, Dottore couldn’t find you when he proceeded with work. You were neither at his study, nor at the lab, nor at your favorite corner of the library. It was barely noon, and receiving your warm greetings was his routine. And the Doctor always follows the agenda.

“Where are they?” 

His question was brief but pointed, and his subordinates knew exactly who he was referring to. They could sense the tension in his voice. The only individual privy to the reason for your absence smirked smugly and responded.

“Hmph. It seems they decided not to come, Lord Harbinger Dottore.”

That was their first mistake because The Doctor caught on to the haughty smirk coming from his new analyst.

“And you know so certainly how?” - he quickly gestured to a nearby Fatui servant with a flick of his wrist. “Send in servants to check in on my behalf. I wasn’t informed. If my darling is feeling tired or unwell, bring their preferred refreshment immediately, and ensure it is warm.”

However, this displeased the new lab assistant, as even while you were away, Dottore was still dotting on you as if it was his second nature to do so while he was busy with work. Thus, they cleared their throat and spoke up:

“They… barely accomplished anything in your presence, doctor. So I advised them to leave, to which they agreed. Pretty straightforward, s-sir.” 

“Oh? Did you, now” - A burning rage, like never before, flared up within Il Dottore. With clenched teeth and a rigid jaw, his voice oozed with venom. But any seasoned lackey working under Dottore knew that this was the calm before the storm. Because soon, an echo of shattering vials and slammed objects would ring out from the laboratory. And in your absence, nothing would prevent the doctor from showing a bit of despotism. 

Much later that evening, after everything was set and done, the servants informed him of your whereabouts. Il Dottore briskly made his way through the Zapolyarny Palace to find you. Spotting you tucked away in a secluded nook of the palace, he hastened over, anxious to ensure your well-being, fearing you might’ve withdrawn due to the influence of some blabbering lowlife. 

“Dear! There you are… No one has the right to speak to you like that ever. Are you alright? My dearest, why did you not tell me immediately?! I would’ve-”

Dottore’s frustrated rambles come to a halt when you place a finger on his lips to shush him. You didn’t look despaired, in fact, you looked calm - “Zandik? Did you have another tantrum in your lab while I was absent?”

The doctor gulped, remembering his place. Calming his senses, he placed his hands on your waist and ushered you closer to his arms.

“... Perhaps. But I had to. How could I be certain that no one had harmed you? Why did you comply with that impudent fool? You should’ve gone to me first.”

“Well, it was unpleasant to hear the insults, sure. But…" - you glanced apologetically and a knowing smile returned to your lips. "I knew you'd find out and deal with the issue very quickly." 

✧ You and Pantalone were an odd couple. You didn't hail from a rich background, nor were you well-versed in the art of business and finance. You were more proficient in adventuring, your travels taking you to all sorts of journeys and commissions, a polar opposite from your beloved Pantalone. This led to raised eyebrows among the aristocrats of Snezhnaya. How can the richest man of Teyvat, who lives and works in prestige, be associated with such a simple person as you? For some, this gave the impression that they had a better chance of winning him over.

Thus, once upon a night, Pantalone was invited to a luxurious soirée. Here he was, clad in his finest suit, silver rings complementing his equally expensive optics. But to the Regrator, the jewelry adorning him was the least of his concerns - because you were the most precious gem in this gala. You accompanied him, although reluctantly, feeling out of place amidst the grand assembly of extravagant guests and the languid orchestra.

“Pantalone, do we have to…? I know you said this is not a business party, but there are so many guests already lining up to talk to you.” 

“Oh do not fret, my sweet. Evening galas like these are where the real negotiation and connections entail. But I know the details bore you, so I promise we won't stick here for too long. Besides, I get to introduce you as my one and only!”

That's exactly what you were afraid of. As a company of some esteemed noble ladies adorning elegant gowns, you had difficulties matching Pantalone’s polite smile. Overwhelmed by the scrutinizing gazes of some guests, you politely excused yourself to the bathroom. Pantalone was concerned, thinking of following you, but that was exactly what the guests wanted. 

You spent a long while by the hallway alone, trying to stabilize your breathing. The muttering of guests enjoying drinks and strolling was faint, but you could hear some people nearby:

“How can the 9th be with someone like them…? Surely it’s a joke.”

“A charming, rich man like him, and he can have anyone he desires. Yet he wastes his time on a simpleton?”

“Someone was definitely in it for the Mora, maybe he hasn’t seen real class. Quick, let’s go talk to him while he is alone.”

You stood with your back to a wall, and for the first time, uncertainty crept in. With fists clenched by your side, you reprimanded yourself that you are not alone. You came here with your significant other - and he, above all else, knows that gossip has no place in your shared private life. Hence, gathering up your courage, you raise your head high and strode back into the gala.

Pantalone, unfortunately yet expectedly, was surrounded by the same foul-mouthed nobles who wished to impress him. They prattled on about his financial success, while ladies fanned their folding fans and stood too close for his comfort. While they humored him, The Regrator cast hurried glances around the gala in search of you. Where are you?

“Lord Harbinger, may we offer you more champagne? I am sure this expensive bottle is up to your taste.”

The 9th attempted to hide his frown at the woman's tone, his stomach unwilling to ingest any drink some excessively elaborate name. “No thank you, I’d rather decline. I am waiting for my dear. I promised her a dance later this evening.”

“Oh, please sir, I insist. The night is young and there is plenty more for-” 

Before the woman could continue, your voice cut through the air; calm, yet unmistakably firm. “He said no. Simple enough to understand.”  

A hush fell over the gathered guests, the weight of your words settling like a sudden gust. Only Pantalone beamed with a genuine smile. “Ah, dear! There you are,”. The Harbinger was about to step back towards you, when the same lady suddenly blocked his path, her back facing him while her tone edged with defiance.

“I beg your pardon, but I’m afraid the question is directed towards Lord Harbinger Pantalone. I am sure you wouldn't know the pleasure of tasting a 500,000 Mora champagne from Fontaine.”

You recognized the snark in her tone directed towards you, and you couldn’t deny the anxiety twisting in your gut as eyes narrowed in your direction. However, with a shake of your head, you reminded yourself who you truly are and simply said: “Sheesh, lady, you spend that much on a drink that tastes worse than sparkling water? To each their own, I presume”

Her smile vanished. The guests stared in stunned silence, but it was Pantalone’s genuine laughter that pierced the tension. The sound was rich and real—because only he knew how adept you were at humbling an overconfident aristocrat with a dose of blunt truth. That’s how Pantalone managed to push through the crowd and circle his arm back around your waist, leaving the astonished onlookers behind.

“Ah dear, you’re a savior. I apologize I dragged us into this unpleasant company…” - he confined to you apologetically as you two walked away. “You always knew how to be sincere in your honest way.”

“It’s not like I meant to pick up a fight…" - you sighed. "I simply couldn't bear the humiliation, Pantalone. I'm aware that some people give me strange looks when I'm with you. They regard me as if I'm some peasant standing next to a powerful Fatui harbinger. That I'm nothing. That's why I couldn’t just hide, I had to step up to defend myself.”

“Oh, darling… My sweet, precious darling.” - The two of you left the manor that hosted the soiree, the chill night breeze muting the faint sound of guests and replacing it with a symphony of cricket noise from the garden nearby. Pantalone's fingers intertwined with yours.

"You are not just 'nothing' - you're my everything. You did not come from riches, and neither did I. You of all people know that. Would I really hold respect for some rich fool who didn't know an ounce of hardship when Mora was all they had since birth? No, dear, I wouldn't."

With a tender hand, he rested his palm on your waist, gently guiding you along the cobblestone path as if leading you into a slow waltz by garden roses in the night.

"Besides, you should never be ashamed to seek out my help. Although I must admit... Your tone earlier - oh my. Use it on me more often, darling. I wouldn't mind." 

[astrow1zar6]

Big Slay placements pt 2

Mars in the 1st house (on men): these dudes are HOTTT. They give manly man vibes, the “I’ll jump in a burning building for you” vibes. These guys have big sex appeal and are usually walking red flags (but people dig that lowkey). They are usually very confident and aren’t scared to make the first move. If they want you they will have you (even if it’s only for the short term). These people however can be very cocky & sex obsessed if not careful. This placement is also hot in women but I notice in women this placement has a tendency to crash out a lot or start arguments a lot. I’ve also seen they can come off too strong (for a woman according to society) creates more of a Tomboy vibe/masc vibe in chics they aren’t traditionally “feminine”. (But I still think these people are soooo sexy regardless of gender) girls with this placement give Revvy from black lagoon. Ifkyk 😏 their self assured/ warrior like essence can intimidate weaker men a lot & many men can try to control their fire… (good luck lol). (Ps I am not misogynistic I swear I just prefer this aspect in men nothing wrong with the women in this🫶🏽)

Jupiter in the 1st house/ on the ascendant (positive aspects): these people are just overall a pretty good vibe. They can make even the gloomiest of mfs laugh I swear. These are the best people to have around during holidays or parties they really know how to spread good vibes around. I notice they have really good social graces & are really good at social cues which is why so many people want to be their friend. It almost looks like nothing can get to these people.. they can be hit with so much bs but still be able to keep a smile on their face. Very generous with their time and resources as well. If they love you best believe they will do anything for you. Usually attracts good luck in their lives because of their happy go lucky attitude. Others can feel more lucky being around them as well. Tend to have very attractive healthy bodies.

Leo degrees on the ascendant (5,17,29): every person I’ve met with this degree on their ascendant are super pretty & have so much appeal. Their presence is just so loud (even if their rising sign is more lowkey like Scorpio or Capricorn) the minute they enter a room people stop and stare. I feel like the 5th degree is more of a beauty degree and the 17th & 29th are more charismatic star born presence. (Regardless tho still all bad b*tch placements). These people just give AURA. You also have a higher chance of becoming famous if you have any of these degrees (not just on the ascendant).

Having a sign in their home planet (ex; sun in Leo, moon in cancer, Venus in Libra/taurus ect..) having planets that are in their home sign can make themes around that planet flow easier in your life. For example if you have a mars in Aries you might find it easier to be active & chase after what you want compared to other mars signs, you can have a surplus of energy and can handle challenges thrown at you with a lot more ease than lets say someone with a mars in Pisces or cancer.

Aries sun: shocker right… but the sun in exalted in Aries so it’s able to express itself in full throttle. Aries suns I notice tend to have a really strong sense of self & no one can shame them. I notice a lot have the ability to do what others would seem as “embarrassing “ and not give a flying fuck. This is such a freeing placement when mature. These people are the definition of idgaf and I adore it. If they get those anger issues under control they can be big power houses.

Venus in the 10th house: a lot of really famous people have this placement. Most celebrities or big business people have this. Gives this worldwide beauty that’s everyone adores. Can have a very big “fan group” even if they aren’t famous. Whatever comes out of these people’s mouths others see it as the gospel. (They can have a huge impact on the public). People can become obsessed with them easily. For example Billie Eilish & Donald trump have this placement… look at their fan base 👀 can leave a very iconic/legendary imprint on the world & many will remember them. They have a tendency to pick their career & public image over loved ones and relationships if not careful. Usually find love once they are settled in their career.

Lilith conjunct ascendant: oh the power these people possess is off the charts (especially for women) if you have this in your chart you are probably used to others trying to dull ur shine down because your aura is so strong! I’ve seen people with this placement get shamed a lot by others (mostly women) because they aren’t ashamed about what most women are taught to be ashamed about. So it’s almost like a mission for others to bring them down to their level. That’s how powerful you guys are!😳 men and women will try to control you cuz others can see your potential usually well before you see your own. Once these people step into their confidence however it’s really over for everyone. They have the potential to be beautiful & powerful. I think of Daenerys Targaryen when I think of this placement.

Pluto/venus: fucking with these people will feel like they did voodoo on you.. but fr tho it is very easy to become addicted/obsessed with these people’s energy. They have the ability to put a trance over people that can lead you to acting crazy over them. (This is especially true with hard aspects CONJUNCTION, opposition, SQUARE). These people hold the power to truly break ur heart. They can use their bodies & sex appeal to get you hooked (most are very good at the act if uk what I mean😏) can use a lot of mind games and manipulative tactics to keep you interested in them if they feel ur attention is drifting anything to get you attached and them in control they will use😳 the square placement can especially be bad with this. Gives a dangerous hotness like you know they are a huge red flag but you can’t resist. With easier aspects (sextile,trine, quintile) they aren’t into mind games as much and value genuine deep connections.

Mars/venus soft aspect (trine,sextile, quintile): usually super charming & have a really healthy libido & self esteem. They are big flirts & are usually amazing with their timing in terms of seduction. They know to give just enough without being overbearing or too detached which can get their object of desire hooked in a healthy way. These people are also super easygoing and have no problem admitting when they messed up (which only adds to their charm even more). Usually physically really fit/attractive. I didn’t add the harder aspects (conjunction, square, opp) mostly because although they can be extremely charming & have great sex appeal I notice their seduction techniques can be a little overbearing? They can come off as way to strong sometimes and scare off their object of desire (especially in the conjunction & square). They can be more selfish & get really aggressive when they don’t get what they want. They can struggle with getting bored in relationships easier than those with these in a softer aspect (trines & sextiles can keep healthier relationships). Harder aspects can become very forceful with their affection if denied. Especially in the SQUARE/opposition.

Jupiter in the 2nd house: most millionaires/billionaires I see have this placement. I notice they could’ve also been raised with money which gave them a push in life compared to others. I’ve also seen people who came from poverty with this and became super successful. This is a huge entrepreneur placement. Business comes very naturally to these people & are usually money driven from a very young age. They usually have a talent that gets them a lot of money in their life. Can have a big fear of losing money however and being in poverty.

Sun/venus: these people are usually pretty likeable. I notice these people have the ability to mold into whatever crowd they are involved with which usually wins them a lot of admirers. They can either come off as super charismatic or super phony but regardless people still eat them up. They try hard to be agreeable and tell people what they want to hear to boost their egos. So regardless if it comes off a little fake they know how to make others feel really good. This can be a big fame placement as well since a lot of celebrities have this. A lot dreamed of being really well known or popular from a very young age.

MC in aspect to Venus (conjunct or trine): these are usually considered the prettiest people in the workplace. Could get a long well with coworkers & many people can have crushes on them. I’ve seen these people get huge tips at work for just looking good. Has more of an opportunity to get hired or promoted because of beauty. They are that coworker that makes more than you and barely does any work😭😂 being so pretty and likeable people tend to give them more leeway than with others.

Mars in 8th house: this gives witch girl vibes. Similar to Pluto/venus people can become very obsessed with them. They tend to have a lot of stalkers or exes that still hit them up after years. These people are SUPER magnetic & their sex is very addictive. It can be extremely hard to move on from these people. I’ve seen people with this get hexed from spiteful lovers or have love spells be put on them, I’ve seen people break into their house (mostly exes or sneaky links). Be careful when dealing with someone with this placement it’s very hard to let go of them once you’re hooked.

Beauty asteroids on the ascendant (Apollo, Aphrodite, Eros, Cupido, Casanova) the people I’ve seen with any of these aspects look like they’ve been carved by the gods. They are so beautiful to look at. Apollo gives a similar vibe to having a Leo rising but gives a more glowy and godlike effect, people can easily become in awe of the individuals & see them as really cool. Aphrodite on the ascendant is kinda a no brainer gives an otherworldly like beauty a lot of famous models have this placement. Cupido & Eros on the ascendant give a more flirty typa vibe and enjoy games of seduction. They are able to seduce anyone with just a look in their eyes, their eyes are their weapon to pulling.. I kid you not how they look at you will make your knees go weak they flirt thru their eyes. Casanova on the ascendant is the king/queens of sweet talking.. they can talk their way out of anything & talk their way into your pants quick😩 they give a sorta bad boy/girl vibe but it’s so hard to say no to them they are so darn charming!

Sorry it took so long to make a part two been working a lot lately😩

[prkhaven]

LUCIFER -p.sh-

Banished away by the only place he’s ever known, Sunghoon was going to make sure the heavens regret ever betraying him by ruining you

pairing— fallen angel!sunghoon x virgin angel fem!reader

genre: smut minors do not interact, angel au, forbidden love, p with some/little to no plot

wc: 10k

a/n: better late than never and happy 1k followers

-all warnings under cut-

warnings: manipulation, profanity, kissing, reader is innocent and a little oblivious

smut warnings: unprotected sex (safety first), p in v, edging, dirty talk, virginity loss, spitting, praising, corruption kink, breeding kink, fingering, overstimulation, pussy slapping, dacryphilia, usage of nicknames(angel, good girl, bad girl, pretty)

Silence filled the atmosphere, shifting into something darker, looming and menacing. A nightmare—Your biggest nightmare come to life.

The known fallen realm walked through the entrance led by Sunghoon who chose to disregard the obvious attire formality of a masquerade ball.

Dressed in all black attire, none of the people matching together however still collectively wearing outfits that complimented solely each other. Easily due to the influence of Sunghoon’s doing.

Your jaw clenched because as much as you wanted to be angry for the lack of consciousness, especially in Sunghoon's part, you couldn’t deny that even as a fallen angel, he’ll remain the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen.

He threads closer to you. One large stride after another until he is right before you, bowing his head as a sign of respect—One that he used to receive himself when he was once in your very position.

Delicately picking your burning hand into his freezing ones, he planted a soft peck on it but never once did his eyes ever leave yours. There was a chill up your spine as he only gave a slight gleaming smirk before pulling away leaving your warm hand cold without his.

“You’ve done a marvelous job” His tone rumbling out deeply making your squirm, he smirked pulling out his masquerade mask hovering just over his eyes, a restful laid back smirk on his face

A chill ran up your spine from his enticing voice. It used to be warm and welcoming but now it felt taunting and teasing, “I expected nothing less from the perfect angel”

𓆩 𓆪

The ball returned to its somewhat regular state after that. Everyone amongst the two different realms stayed in their respective space, fearful of interacting with the other.

No matter how years pass by of the same ball being hosted yearly, nothing has changed. You nibbled on your lip trying to figure out some—any way that unites the two completely different worlds for one night all the way to sunrise when the ball has been concluded.

Too deep in your head, you didn’t pick up on the looming darkness behind until you heard it, “Do you dance?”

Your body froze while your mind erased everything it was thinking about when you turned around to see Sunghoon standing behind you. At least he had his mask on this time.

“Excuse me?” You whispered raising an eyebrow once seeing his offering hand for you grasp

“It’ll help liven up the ball just a little. Seeing you with me might do you the favors” He darkly chuckled, “Don’t want anyone seeing you in a dark light now do we angel?”

Crossing your legs at the sudden pet name falling from his mouth made you unexplainably bothered. You were annoyed by the unknown sensation that it was the perfect opportunity for him to clasp your hands into his.

You let out a silent squeal as you were suddenly brought dead center of the empty dance floor, his hand carefully landing on your waist while the other held your hand high in the air. A suddenly deepening instrumental rippled through the large hall and only then did your body’s move in sync.

“Not bad” He whispered loud enough to ear as he twirled you

Your complete white attire mixed with his dark one stuck out like a sore thumb. All eyes were on you, watching and witnessing the first dance between an angel and fallen angel in centuries.

Not even Sunghoon had chosen to dance with a fallen angel during his time as the perfect angel—A time long ago before his banishment.

He smirked noticing the gazes, his hand on your waist tightened as he guided you through the entire floor.

Whether you wanted to admit it or not, not once have you taken your eyes off Sunghoon. Ignoring the hushed whispers and questioning gazes of why you were with Sunghoon of all people. Why be with a traitor?

It didn’t matter however, well at least not at this very moment. Through the mask, he managed to shine brighter than any angel in the ball. Even way brighter than you.

“Do I have something on my face?” His voice laced with something that was never there before, something inviting

Eyes trained on you seeing the subtle gulp you tried to hide as you looked away from him shaking your head trying to get rid of the burning feeling on your cheek. He wondered what made you so shy all of sudden.

His hand lets go of yours leaving it to fall to his shoulder as he hooked his finger under your chin up to bring your eyes back onto him. You let out a breathless shudder noticing a difference in his smile now.

“There you go” He softly murmured before his fingers trailed from your shoulder to go lower on your arm until he found the palm of your hand to pry it off his shoulder and open to tangle his fingers perfectly with yours

In a state of shock, you didn’t close your hand leaving his hand to be the only one gripping yours. Anyone near would be able to see the shake of your body and the light goosebumps spreading all throughout from his cold touch.

You looked at him only made the smirk of his grow wider as he watched you. All from the rise of a goosebump on your arm that was later than the rest to the way your hands never fully closed around him. Yet, it was just enough where he could feel your fingers grazing his knuckles and how your clothes flowed around you so elegantly—Just like how he used to.

The music faded to mere background music as you solely focused on who was in front of you. A sharp glint in his eyes made your body turn and twist in ways you never experienced before. You could feel the thump against your chest grow faster the more you’re looking at him and in his hold.

The warmth of your hand disappeared when Sunghoon pulled away right before the music ended. Your eyes flashed trying to reconnect back into the world you were disconnected from to see Sunghoon bowing towards you. “It was a pleasure-“

He couldn’t finish his words when you were suddenly called out to and without a second spared turned a heel and left him behind on the now growing dance floor.

Your dance welcomed a new opportunity no one dared to touch but seeing you and Sunghoon dancing together—so beautifully, it allowed two opposite worlds to string together.

He watched your speeding legs towards who called you, his eyes never leaving you lighting patting at his chest. “See you soon angel”

𓆩 𓆪

Excusing yourself into the depths of an abandoned room with a large window letting the moonlight in as its only source of light. You let out a frustrated yell, removing your mask and throwing it onto the dust filled vanity, your body felt too hot to fully comprehend what was happening.

You were supposed to be celebrating after successfully starting the ball in ways no one else has ever done before. The fallen realm and your realm hesitantly but finally mingling together.

Yet, you’ve locked yourself deep into a room as you tried to get rid of the nasty feeling forming, clinging and trickling down.

Your stomach twisted and there was an ache down below in places you know were forbidden. Having read about these symptoms before in books restricted from the public eye but you had access to because of your current status.

Trying to shake your head to wake up from this growing nightmare. You fiddled with your purity ring like it could bring some hidden clarity.

Every angel received one to acknowledge their strong willed spirit, their deep devoted loyalty and hidden innocence to not fall into those sickening traps of false pleasure.

Roughly spinning the cold metal your finger as you stared at it.

This all started because of Sunghoon and his haunting spirit clouding around you from the moment he stepped foot into the ball.

You wish you could curse him out for managing to make you feel this way but your words caught in your throat unable to express how you were truly feeling.

You dipped your head low, finger still turning your ring clockwise. You wanted to enjoy the ball you worked so hard on without the lingering pain settling worse within you.

You whimpered hating how the mess only grew clinger to the point of discomfort. Flushing your body onto the vanity with your discarded mask, you looked up to see the hollowness in your eyes.

It was a search for something far out of reach. You knew that and yet the urge grew more. You wanted it so badly.

“Stop thinking about it” You mumbled quietly to yourself, “Stop it. You can’t think like this. You can’t have it-”

“Can’t have what angel?”

You jumped, knocking yourself into the vanity harshly with a yell you muffled when your hand landed over your mouth.

In the corner of the dark room, you see Sunghoon sitting in a wooden chair, head knocked back while his arms fell off to the side. “What- How long have you been here?!” You turned your body around to face him as he finally rose his head up with a deep sigh

Opening his eyes, you felt the sudden shiver creeping out of you when his harsh narrowed eyes looked at you. He tilted his head to the side, his hair falling in the same motion. The moonlight was the only way you were able to make out his silhouette but you could still see it like daylight.

You can nearly feel his shoulders again under your itching hands sending a wave past your stomach and itching further down.

Sunghoon observed you, his eyes raked over as he took in how the moonlight reflected on your outfit, structuring your outline perfectly as you looked at him with unknown hungry eyes beneath the innocent facade.

He smirked wildly when your legs unconsciously squished together. Realizing you were in a confined room away from everyone’s eyes and in front of you was him terrified you.

Sunghoon stood up from the chair, his height growing by the second as the ominous feel started to crawl into the back of your throat. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Your chest rose and fell with each heavy breath you took as he steps closer to you, “Like what?” Your voice barely above a whisper that could be heard

“Like you want to eat me up”

Sunghoon stood in front of you. The moonlight shining perfectly over him. Your heart stopped in your throat as your hands fidgeted back to the drawers on the vanity against your back.

For the first time, his eyes trailed down further to drink in your appearance. Noticing the effort you put into every single detail to be perceived in the white light of innocence—perfection—glory.

Indeed a perfect angel.

His hands landed on each side of you forcing you in between and keeping you in place. He leveled his head until his breath fanned over yours that he could hear the silent shake in it. Nose nearly brushing against each other while he stared deep into your eyes.

You feel so bare even though you were fully clothed. Sunghoon looked at you like you were an open book just for him, the pages filled with every thought that ever crossed your mind, even the far forbidden ones you tried to ignore.

“What’s wrong angel?” He removed a hand from the vanity to run his fingers to ghost your shaky arm

Your heavy breaths only worsened. Your eyes wavered trying to look away from him but couldn’t. The rationality faded away as your fear filled eyes now replaced with the glinting hunger.

He held back his smirk wanting to be as welcoming as possible to you. His ghosting fingers landed on your skin burning you up instantly. “You can talk to me” His voice slurred the words together, “You’re wrong if you think no one will understand”

“I can understand you, I’m the only one that knows what’s going on” His words of comfort seeped deeper into your mind meddling into the cracked walls of it

You looked towards him. Besides his clear banishment, you knew who else would know better than the previous perfect angel? Sunghoon knew things that you didn’t know of and he could help.

“There’s something bothering me…” Your soft voice made his heart roar against his chest

“Talk to me” He noticed how your eyes flickered all over his face, memorizing everything that he had to offer

The moles on his face, his sharp nose, his obviously built body. It struck you harder when you were reminded of the clothes he wore. The contrast to yours, reminding you of who he is—what his status is compared to your.

An angel forced to fall from grace.

Your mouth dropped and you quickly shook your hands and head. “I-I No. I shouldn’t” Your shaky voice did nothing but prove wrong your growing desire

“But you can” He whispered, “That's the beauty of it. You can” His ghostings fingers softly gripped your arms to wake you up from reality to drag you deep into fantasy

His hands trailed over your arms, each move burning more than the last. You shivered in his touch, something in the back of your mind, the little rationality you had left screaming at you to get away as far as you can.

But you jolted feeling his hands land onto your stomach and resting there. His thumb rubbed softly as he looked deep into your eyes,“It’s okay angel”

“Just tell me and I promise to make it all go away” His reassuring voice, his burning touch, you whimpered loudly.

Sunghoon’s hand froze and he felt his body become rigid hearing the pained whimper you let out. You sounded magnificent. “Hu-hurts”

“What hurts?”

Your eyes went up to look at his captivating eyes. There was reassurance, warmth that radiated deep into your soul making you melt. Deep down Sunghoon will forever be an angel regardless of his current status as a fallen one.

“Down there” You voice lowering towards the end, you felt embarrassed, your cheeks burning up and Sunghoon let out a light chuckle

“Where my hand is?” You forgot about the hand on your stomach and when you felt the faint rub of it, you nibbled on your lips harshly

He read you like an open book. “Or is it lower?” The drop of his voice and hand made your heart drop into the pit of your stomach feeling his hands thread further down, his eyes never once leaving yours

The hitch in your breath was his direct answer. Holding back a smirk, his hands drew closer acculating your clothes covering you. “Words angel… I need you to guide me” He whispered as his hands stopped just right above

With shaky hands you grabbed his wrist and brought it down further until it slotted right in between your legs. Instinctively Sunghoon cupped your core making you yelp.

Raising an eyebrow, he brought his mouth to fan over your ear, “Oh… This is a easy fix”

Your body felt so hot. His fingers softly grazed at your pussy, feeling the sticky sensation leaking through your outfit, making you jerk into his touch.

Eyes screwing shut as you lived in his grazing fingers but he ripped his hand away making you let out a pitiful gasp from the sudden warmth disappearing.

His eyes roamed over you, the bite on lip that he swears he could taste the metallic taste on his tongue.

Panting heavily, you carefully looked at Sunghoon's build. His previous face was replaced with a comforting look as his hand grazed your neck higher before his thumb was outlining your cheek. “May I help you fix it?” The tone soft and welcoming

“I hate to see you suffer what I suffered through”

Pure genuine emotion in his eyes folded you in half. Believing him almost instantaneously. You pouted your lips as you pawed at his wrist again, instigating more from him.

“Easy I’m going to help you” He chuckled softly noticing your eagerness, you looked at him with shaky eyes fueling his insides to roar louder than ever before, “Just say the words” His voice hushed

Knowing what he wanted, you nibbled at your lip, licking over the dryness of them. The thoughts running through your mind fading into nothing as all else disappeared when you looked into his eyes, he knew what you wanted.

“H-Help me Sunghoon” Your voice barely above a whisper but it was like a siren call to him that dragged him to you, he smiled softly before dipping his head into a hang

He lifted his head and looked straight into your eyes again with a nod of his head, “Anything for you… Perfect angel” He reminded but before you could retaliate his cold hand cupped at your clothed core again

You gasped, your hands rushing over to clasp over your mouth with a pained sound slipping through. The tips of his finger already teasing through the fabric, feeling the dampening material hitting them.

Your free hand clasped around his dipped wrist, your breath shuddering with each slide of his fingers as they rose higher in between your folds until they met your sensitive bud. “S-Sunghoon”

“That’s my name” His whisper rung in the shell of your ear

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head the moment his finger pushed on a sensitive spot that made you wail. His fingers mimicked an infinity motion that made your arms flail to his shoulders. Your head racked against him as your chest felt heavy.

“It’s okay. I’m right here with you” The words passed your ears to your mind, your shaky hands holding onto him for support

A jolting shivering rose up your spine as your mind became hazy to the feel. Sunghoon’s finger dipped in between your folds, the feel of your soaking self seeping through to his finger made him harshly bite his lip.

Roughly bringing his finger back to your clit, your head hung low as you steadied your breaths with pants. Your heart was beating out of your chest that you swore he could hear it from how close he was to you now.

Your mouth opened to say something but you felt his cold hand trailing around your jaw. Separate movements managing to make you jolt harsher in his hold. His fingers traced around your cheeks as he lifted your chin.

The glint in his eyes made you close your mouth.

“Let me hear you angel” He muttered loud enough for you to hear

The harder press against your bundle of the nerves had a tightening feel in your stomach. “Wa-Sunghoon!” You squealed louder as the tingling sensation became worse

Unable to concentrate and make a coherent sentence, your shaky hand tightly gripped his forearm as your jaw hangs open with breathless moans leaving it. Sunghoon stared at your screwed shut eyes.

Unconsciously your body rocked to feel his cupped hand. He noticed your lower body rubbing faster in his hand, he scoffed out a smile as he looked at your scrunched up face.

Hands roaming his tone build as you used his hand for your pleasure, the knot in your stomach was daring to snap. Your head falling off his body to the side as it twirled to the back.

“Sunghoon” You cried out his name

A flash flowed over his eyes. His hand cupped deeper and harder, his fingers working faster against you as your knocked back head landed onto his shoulder.

Your mouth directly into his ear, as he roughly pushed you against the vanity, the table smacking against the wall, knocking over whatever was on it in its wake, his free arm holding your back while you held onto him for support.

Your breathless moans became more frequent, you were shaking in his hold. “Weird, I feel weird” You muttered clawing at his body

“I know but it’s going to feel so good soon I promise. Just let go” He whispered soothing your raging nerves to a bay

Your mouth hangs open, pitiful whines and moans growing louder each second directly into his ear. Unable to open your eyes and assess what’s around, your body becomes limp being engulfed by him. His fingers rubbed harder against your clit, the tips of his finger dipping into the crevice in between your folds teasing your covered core.

The height with your heads in the cloud, his hand ripped away from its cupping manner as you pushed him away the moment a faint knock to the door followed by a soft calling of your name snapped you out.

Chest heaving as you harshly gulped down staring at him. His body relaxed and calm—opposite from yours. Your burning lower half left you bothered but shaking your head to snap out of it. The side of his lips tugged up seeing distress wash over you.

You immediately turned around against the vanity to see your once cleaned demeanor tarnished. Uneven short ragged breaths as you hastily pull and adjust the out of place material to its proper place.

Undeniable shaky hands dragged down your face. Clearing your throat quietly, “Okay so I’m going to leave first and then you’re going to wait a few minutes before…“ You turned around grabbing your discarded mask off the vanity in the process but stopped to see no one there

Jittering around the now empty room. Your open mouth was going to call out his name but you quickly shut it the moment the door bursts open.

Straightening out your posture and stopping in your very, you turned around to see the crowd growing by the second and spilling into the room with endless questions of your well being and of just why you would lock yourself away in this scary room.

“You have no idea what’s out there!” A voice slipped past through your ringing ears, you looked behind to the darkness of the room you were in as you were carefully guided out broken door back into the light of the bustering ball

”Look at you, you’re shaking!”A worried pitched voice cooed in your ear, rubbing up and down on your causing a silent hiss to slip through attempting to pull yourself away from the touch

Your gaze to the floor seeing your feet following after the other as your lips tugged to the side brushing past your uneven balance by the tugs pulling you away.

Angels would never do harm, you knew that much taking pride in being one and Sunghoon was once one—surely he’d abide by it again while on your turf.

𓆩 𓆪

You stared at yourself in the mirror. Managing to get through the ball under the spotlight and eyes of everyone, it felt like a weight off your shoulder.

Licking your lips to remoisturize them felt taunting as your eyes felt hollow yet thoughts ran through your mind sparking up your dull eyes for a second.

A frown laid upon your face as you harshly turned your back away.

You sighed as your shaky hand tried to calm itself as you neatly placed your mask in the corner of the table. Your gaze remained on the discarded mask for a second longer than you wanted.

Blinking harshly and slightly shook your head as you threaded to remove yourself from your attire but a light knock stopped you.

Softly turning your head to scan your room, you were met with nothing. Your eyes landing towards the doorway leading to the balcony set only for your use, your feet moved on its own as you ignored the gnawing eating at you.

Pushing open the door, the night sky and moonlight illuminating did nothing to show if there was anything out there. Quickly scanning around the area, your tensed shoulders dropped.

Rubbing your forehead with light grumbling you were going to go back finishing getting ready for sleep. Your body barely turned until you quickly whipped your head back seeing the mask neatly placed on the marble floor.

Your eyebrows knitted together before crouching down to pick up the mask.

Squinting your eyes, your eyes follow the design of it. The tips of your finger tracing after. “Like it?”

Turning too quickly, you trip over your feet. The mask at hand slipped through your fingers and fell to the ground. You gasped seeing Sunghoon’s face come into view right in front of you. His arms securely behind your back to save you from the fall. “You need to be more careful” His voice light and airy in your ears but heavy on your heart

A harsh thump smacked against your chest as your hand ran to push his body away from yours. “What are you doing here?!” Your quietly screamed

Sunghoon raised his hands up in defense. The smirk wiped off his face as he fixed his posture. “Wanted to personally bid goodbye to you” He gave a light smile before bowing his head, his arm extended over his chest to his heart

You opened your mouth to say something. He lifted his head up and his eye caught yours. You closed your mouth opting to let out a heavy sigh, rubbing at your nape before bending your body forward to return the bow.

“What are you really doing here?” Your tone questioning made him laugh, he straightened out his body before clearing his throat and tugging at the hanging neckline of his sweater

“I know everyone graced with your presence must properly bid you well” His voice dropping with each word, eyes averting yours, fingers crossing over themselves, “I really only came to say goodbye, I swear”

“That’s a bold statement to make. Especially in my presence” Your voice became stern making him drop his head

Silence fell upon you both. Your teeth gritted against each other as you watched his unmoving body. Slightly tugging at your bottom lip while keeping him in your sight, you took a step closer to him.

In his lowered eyesight, his discarded mask was brought into view. He slowly raised his head and gracing your face was a small smile that caused his own. “I believe you Sunghoon”

Simple words struck a cord deep inside of him. His resting hands balled into a fist as he let out a strained sigh as his lips tightened into a thin smile. “Thank you” He uttered carefully grabbing the mask from your hands

You pulled your hand away the moment you felt his hands graze yours. The feel instantly overwhelmed you as you looked anywhere else but at him. His eyes took notice and he uncomfortably moved his mouth around before nodding his head at you.

Turning a heel, he walked over to the edge of the balcony. His hand felt the familiar marble pillars as railings and he softly laughed at himself. “Memories?” Your voice came from behind

Simply only able to nod, he began to feel your presence growing closer to his. His fading smile returned full force on his face before peering off his shoulder to you right beside him.

Wavering eyes and a silent shake in your breath when he looked at you. Shifting his body to fully face you, his hand rested onto the rail. “You sure know how to surprise someone” You joked causing a hearty laugh from him

Your face dropped upon hearing his laugh tumble out. Noticing your silence, Sunghoon furrowed his eyebrows at you. “Sorry- I just haven’t heard you laugh”

He remained his gaze on you before looking ahead of him to the moonlit scenery—sighing heavily, his eyes naturally looking around. “I don’t really remember the last time I was able to have fun” He admitted

The shift in him made your heart churn. “Maybe that’ll change” He turned his attention back onto you

Instantaneously, you froze up under his lingering gaze. A thought crossed your mind of there being something more than he meant while a jitter coursed through you and a feel washed over as you awkwardly shifted on your feet.

His eyes looked up and down before letting his hand slip away from the rail to land at his side. He watched your eyes move in between him and the ground. His mouth teased upwards before he dropped it. The excitement began to burst out of your chest, the closer he got.

“When was the last time you had fun… Perfect Angel” The elegance tied to the name felt different than the other times people called out to you

It feels heavier—darker, more exciting now that it left your legs to squish together. Noticing your action, he stopped right in front of you.

Your eyes remained trained on the floor yet, his finger hooked under your chin. Your gaze being brought up to meet him, “I’m sure good girls are supposed to use their words”

“So use them for me pretty” Your heavy breath became shaky as an audible shudder left past your lips, your eyes fluttering as you looked over his face

His thumb stroked your cheek with a soft smile. You tried to pull your head away but he gripped your chin to keep you still. The now stroking thumb tapped at your parted lips, “Well?”

Your bottom lip quivered as he brushed over it, softly humming to himself satisfied with the plush feel under the pad of his thumb before slightly tugging it down.

His gaze remained on your mouth while yours remained on his trained eyes. In a teasing manner, he slip through your parted lips, “Sorry” He quietly muttered yet showed no sign of actual apologies

He smirked wildly, noticing how you immediately welcomed the foreign flesh into your mouth without hesitation. “Have to be careful, there’s some evil people out there” He pressed his thumb onto your tongue causing a gurgle sound to slip out

His eyes drooped as his free hand strokes your head in a slow motion, “No need to worry, I can scare them away” He murmured as your hand rose to his forehead to hold him

No intention of pushing him away, you realized you enjoyed this far more than you should have. You blabbed gibberish against his thumb, “Look at you trying to speak with your mouth full” He tooted, “You got it” He ushered you to get something out

Through the accumulative spit, your eyes became watery, the burning sensation in your core now throbbing for attention. It was far more painful than earlier. “Please” You weakly wailed and he pulled back his salvia covered thumb from your mouth

His eyes looked at the string of saliva connecting you together, he smiled to himself watching how you took deep breaths to regain composure. His hands landed at your side, lighting trugging you towards him.

A gasp slipped past his tongue as he looked at you with an unexplainable expression. “Please what?” He narrowed his eyes at you, “Use your words. I can’t read what’s in that pretty head of yours”

The words held some truth to them. Not able to read what’s directly in your mind but he can see what’s flashing glint in your eyes and how your body reacts to his touch.

You opened your mouth, playing with the words in your mind to form anything to say. His eyes burned into you, ushering the words to fall from your mouth. “Help me” The tone of voice was near pitiful and gut wrenching

His heart leaped and hammered against his chest, he softly cooed at you, “I got you angel” His hand rose up to your cheek softly creasing his thumb over it

Shuddering under your breath, his hand traveled down tracing your jaw in its wake before softly grabbing at your neck. You looked before he softly tugged you to him, his lips pressing against yours.

Unmoving from the new sense of flesh pressed against you. Your eyes widened watching his opened ones staring right back at you, he smirked in the kiss before planting pecks on the side of your mouth.

Your heart caught in your throat as you tried to gulp down the lump. Your hands squished in between your bodies as you softly gripped his shirt. The fuzz cotton under your fingertips made you shiver, the eclipse shining in the center with the deep v-cut exposing the dangling plain chain against his chest, a different shirt from what you saw at the beginning of the night.

“Want to wear it?” He hummed against your skin, his teeth faintly nicking at it made you jump at the feel

Your hands pressed at his chest as your eyes fluttered closed shut. His roaming hands rested at your back, pulling you closer to him. Instinctively, your knees buckled underneath you, the fuzzy feeling in your mind traveling everywhere.

The wet sensation soon left your skin and before you were able to open your eyes, the soft press against your lips made you hum in delight. Your hands came in between as you softly grasped his face into your hand. “There you go angel” Muttering in the kiss as he pushed your body backwards

Your legs moving with the flow as he followed after yours. His hand rose higher up your body. The dark long sleeve covering the white coloring of your top.

Focusing too much on the kiss, you barely managed to hear the faint click of the door closing until you were carefully guided onto your bed.

Laying you down on your back just enough to have your legs hanging off the edge, his body hovered over yours. Hands on each side of your head while your arms snaked around his neck to keep him close.

The kiss was messy and uncoordinated, you were putting far more teeth, nipping at his lips but he groaned when you did.

“Sorry” You muttered against his lips, unable to pull yourself away

He chuckled, shaking his head before tilting his head to deepen the kiss. “Practice will make perfect”

Your head felt heavy but the plush of his mouth moved as he placed countless kisses to the side of your face tracing it until he reached your neck again made you feel light.

His body rested softly on yours, his hands dropping to your side before slipping underneath and tracing up higher.

Breathless moans slipped through, filling the quiet room with your noise. Sunghoon felt his stomach churn hearing how you sounded.

Indeed a perfect angel meant to be tainted in darkness.

Your chest rose and dropped with each pant. Your body becoming pliant against his touch, your head buried to the side of your mattress. Squishing your legs tighter together in an attempt to ease the pressure.

Sunghoon looked at you. Placing one last kiss at your neck before pulling away. His eyes traveled to you underneath him, how your arms bent up and hand covered your face but your smile still peeked through the cracks of your fingers all whilst his hand rested on your stomach.

You were waiting for someone to come and show you. Of course no one else is going to do that but him, not only can he do that, he can do so much more—which he will.

“Absolutely perfect” He said, “But let’s fix your position” He hummed before pulling his hand away to lightly land on your thighs

You shivered, the touch near where his hand once was made your heart race. He watched your expression, how your breath hitched at where he rested.

His fingers trailed down on each side of your legs before reaching your knee. Tracing over the outline of it, he chuckled before cupping at each of them. “Open for me”

Barely noticing any resistance on the prey of your legs opening. You were so trusting, far too willing. “There you go” He quietly praised as the dipped crevice came into view.

Your glistening pussy peeking out in full display caused the jur in his own pants as he bit harshly on his tongue to hold back the moan to slip out.

He carelessly forgot. Undergarments weren’t a thing here.

“Fuck” He breathlessly whispered under this breath making you snap your head to him, eyes wide looking right at him as you tried to pull your legs away

Quickly his grip tightened on your knees, “I didn’t mean it. Forgive me angel” He slurred the words as he sank down to his knees causing you to push yourself up to your arms, “It was careless of me to say that. I’m sorry”

You looked at him and your heart nearly jumped out seeing the position. Laying on his knees in front of your opened legs, his head cranked up to you as his eyes bore into yours. Your jaw dropped as you tried to get him to stand up again but failed when he gently pushed you back. “Let me work for your forgiveness. See if I’m worthy of it”

“Sung-“ You stopped when his fingers feathered up to the and his face inched closer before burying in the warmth of your pussy, instantly inhaling the scent with the wet slick rubbing on his nose

You squealed loudly the moment his face touched upon your bare self. Hands falling around your mouth to stop the sounds from bouncing out louder than you wanted. Sunghoon looked from between your legs and frowned instantly, “You don’t have to cover your mouth”

“No one can hear anything” He watched how you took his words without a second thought and loosened your hand before having it fall to your side to grab onto the sheets in support

“Don’t let yourself hold back. Let anything and everything out- Don’t think about it and just let go”

Your body nearly toppled when you felt a wet stride strike across your folds, his hands moved from your knees to your hips as he held them to keep you in place.

“Let me apologize” His voice muffled sending vibration from your core straight to your head

Slacking his jaw, his mouth closed tasting the essence of you on his taste buds making him instantly light headed. “Hoon!” Your voice pitched out as you tried to pull away but he placed a hand on your stomach ushering you to lay back down

“Let me at least do this for you” He pulled away a string connecting in between making you try to close your legs but he forced them open.

Burying his head back into you, “Don’t close them on me” Your mouth fell open again when he sucked on your bud that shot electricity throughout your entire body

You’ve read about this in the books at the restricted library. You just couldn’t recall what the name is. Your body arched off your bed, your lower half pressed firmly against the mattress as he kept you there.

“So sweet. So damn sweet” You managed to hear him through the ringing of your ears while his tongue smeared around your folds, expanding the wet mess

Your soft whines seeped past through his ears to his brain as he lapped at your pussy like a man who's been starved of his favorite meal. “Sunghoon” You breathlessly call out his name but unable to say anything further more when something slipped past your tight hole

He hissed at raw narrow tightness, “Good girl” He watched as his single finger disappeared in you, your hole spasming around the intrusion trying to push him out—to deny yourself of what you want

The hand holding you in place rubbed its thumb against you. Your breath shudders with you trying to articulate words when you feel the drag of his finger leave your gummy walls before easing back in. “So wet… Makes it so much easier”

Your head knocked back into the mattress while your hand fisted at the sheets. His finger slid in and out of you, his eyes watching how you coated him—leaking around and sliding off through the crevice crack.

His eyes zeroed in how your fluids traced down the dip of your body, threading into a territory he promises to work his way to.

You let out a loud wail when his finger curled inside, feeling the soft gum of your walls at his fingertips. You shook your head but his mouth attached itself back to your clit making you moan out his name.

Sunghoon smirked once he heard the increased volume of your noises. Taking his words as exactly as he told you—he smirked against your pussy before sucking at your folds as his finger swirled around.

Your hand itches to play with his hair and he felt the hesitance radiating off of you. He’s quick to grab your hand and ruffle it into his hair, giving you the chance to hold him.

Instantly, your hands tangled into his hair. The smoothness of it raked through the slots of your fingers as you closed your eyes, allowing your mouth to slack itself—letting all noise slip out.

You cried out when your hole was stretched even more after the addition of another finger. He pushed your walls apart, scissoring you open all while his tongue tried to slip in daring to open even wider.

Lifting his fingers to brush against your gummy walls in a repetitive motion had you shivering, “So pretty” He praised, his eyes focused on your stretched out hole, “You take stuff so well”

Your stomach flooded at the feel, a curling sensation forming the more he slipped his fingers in and out, curling them at just the right moment when he eased in and correlating it with his mouth on you.

He could tell you were close. The pulse around his fingers was the indicator. He pumped his fingers at a faster pace, “Hold on wait- m“ You felt a spasming feeling in your stomach, weakly shaking your head as your moans became broken

Your eyes screwed shut but shot open when the crunching feeling was ripped away causing you to let out a deep whine. But the feel of a wet sensation landing onto your core made you freeze as you looked to see the string of saliva falling from his mouth down onto you.

His eyes remained on your pussy, his finger creasing over your mound spreading his spit around your sensitive folds. Having pulled them apart watching the contraction motion of your hole before letting go.

His hand slapped at your pulsing self and you loudly gasped and tried to close your legs but he pressed his body in between to prevent that.

“You’re already leaking so much…” He softly muttered to himself before sending another soft slap to your soaking self made you jump in shock, the wet sound ringing out your room while your incomplete fluids splashed around

You tried to weakly call out his name until you noticed him admiring the fingers that were once knuckles deep inside of you. He examined his hand with a soft smile on his lips before bringing it to his lips, sucking them clean.

When he looked over to you, he observed how you looked at his pruned soaked fingers and he lightly chuckled before bringing them to your lips, tracing over them. His thumb cupped your jaw while his index finger rubbed at your lips before forcing it open to slip in.

You accepted the invitation of his two fingers without resistance, he darkly chuckled as he pushed further down.

Your throat constricted him, rumbles of gargle sounds erupted out preventing him from going any further and he smirked feeling how your throat tightened around his fingers. Cooing at you as his free hand creased your head, “Don’t worry, I promise to you’ll be able to take more soon” He assured you before pulling out his fingers

He shook his hand, riding off the excess wetness on them as he let out a laugh. “Why are you looking at me like that?” He hummed tilting his head to the side an amused smile on his face

“Like what?” You frowned slightly as you looked at him with narrowed eyes

“It’s okay to feel frustrated. It doesn’t always feel like that. I’m checking what you can handle and what you can’t”

“I don’t want you to get hurt for biting off more than you can chew” His hand creased at your head, the same comforting smile stretching across his face prompting your own in mere seconds

“I promise you that this is it. You have my word” He hummed before carefully placing a peck onto your forehead, “Let me do all the work, just sit there and look pretty for me angel” the stretched name made your heart hammered against your chest as you hips rutted in the air

Sunghoon tooted his lips, slightly shaking his head. “Impatient” He sighed before slapping at your still sensitive pussy again

You lightly groaned, your body crumbling forward but he pushed your upper body back down the mattress to keep you laying and exposed for him, “Good girls can get punished if they misbehave. You don’t want to be like that okay?”

“A perfect angel must be the best. The standard, to show everyone that no one can reach you—that no one can ever be as worthy as you”

“You can’t taint yourself with unnecessary things” He explained and his words had an underlying hint underneath it that made your eyebrows furrow

“And is this unnecessary?”

Your question made him look at you, eyes softening the moment he catches yours slightly shaking his head. “Of course not. These are the needs that have to be cured and taken care of”

“If these were deemed unnecessary, it wouldn’t happen in the first place”

Softly cupping your face into his hands, he placed a kiss onto your lips—a little longer than the past times. “You need to be taken care of. So please let me have the honor of doing so” He asked, almost pleading with the slurred toned he used

With the soft nod of your head, his smile itched greater, his cheeks pulling higher. His hands pulled away from your head and fiddled with the belt of his pants. The metal clanking sound had your eyes wandering to the evident bulge peeking out, only to see it grow in size when his pants fell to the floor.

Your eyes furrowed, noticing the second layer of fabric covering him. “It’s standard procedure for us when you’re there” He meant where he now resided in the fallen realm

Nodding your head at his response to your silent question, “Take them off” He quietly said, taking a step closer to you and grabbing your hand, “I’ll help you”

You sucked your bottom lip and gulped harshly as he guided your fingers to hook at the top of the piece of material before dragging, guiding your hands to pull down the fabric in its way.

Your heart jumped before stopping as your eyes grew in size seeing what was in front of you. How what was being confined inside of the thin fabric sprung out once it was freed, the angry leaking tip hitting against him as you fully pulled down his briefs to land with his pants.

He watched as you took at the notice of the large shaft resting, “This is going to make you feel good too” He inched close to close the gap inbetween

Your eyes flickered in between his strained smile and erection staring right at you. “Take a big deep breath for me angel” His voice hoarse and strained trying to lace it over with a warm, comforting feel

Grabbing his shaft at hand, he silently hissed at the cold touch but tried to shake his head. Sizing himself to your slicked folds, before his tip touched the essence of you with his own. He silent hissed, nearly knocking his back as he rubbed an inch of his cock over your folds.

He could hear the gasp you let out but he remained focused on watching how your arousal coated him the more he pressed himself higher between you. “Just setting everything up” His voice was straining as he watched the layer of your pussy spread as he slipped by

Your quiet moans filled his mind when his tip gilded higher until it grazed over your clit. His moves are slow and calculated, trying to coat himself as much as possible, that his hands are drenched by what’s leaking out of you.

“So fucking wet” He whispered under his breath as it got blocked by your growing pants when he dragged himself harder against you, the pace growing faster

His hand wrapped harder around his cock as he focused on how you were leaking even more that he didn’t believe was even possible.

Your eyes were closed, the foreign feel of flesh upon flesh made your heart jitter in your chest. Forbidden was all that changed through your mind but you weakly shook your head when the rubbing suddenly stopped.

Trying to snap out of the dizzying pain, Sunghoon aligned himself at your entrance. His heart beating so loud he swore you’d be able to hear it over yours. He licked his lips once he realized your gaze was now on him.

Your eyes wander around, noticing the plain necklace hanging on his neck but it disappears from your mind when a flesh tip is teased at your hole before trying its best to push past the undeniable squeeze and focus on how you strived to accept him.

Sunghoon’s body crumbled forward, arms resting on each side of your head as he weakly held himself up while his head fell into the crevice between your neck and shoulder.

His breath shook as he tried his best to even his raging mind out. His sanity and rationality plumpting further down the hole he left them in.

“Never thought there could be anything more perfect than you” He grunted, pushing past the tightness of you as you gripped around him, “But your pussy tells me otherwise”

“Too much- Too big!” You thrashed, tears brimming at your eyes as the stretch grew more as he inched deeper, “Sung- Hurts!” You cried out but he only cranked his neck to nuzzle into your neck

He messily placed kisses against your neck, sucking on the skin to tarnish it. “I know but you’re a good girl. You can take it for me angel”

Your fingers dug into his back, holding onto him while the tears split and fell down your cheeks. Sunghoon kissed your tears away, messily pampering you with kisses, “Focus on me” He grunted once he bottomed out

Clenching around him as you tried to get adjusted to the size you never believed to be introduced to or feel ever in your life.

“So full” You weakly muttered causing him let out a strained laugh

“Taking me so well” He messily kissed your cheek, “Never doubted you’d be so good to me—maybe even too good for me”

You opened your mouth to respond but instead a guttural hissed left your throat when he softly moved an inch away from you. “Shh I know”

“Do you trust me?”

His words meant to feel heavier but to your mushed mind, you nodded your head right away. “I trust you Sunghoon”

Forfeiting to him caused his cock to twitch inside of you. The closed confinement made it nearly impossible to move or try to stop himself from coming at that moment. “It’s going to feel good, I promise”

A silent hissed mixed together as he carefully dragged himself out as much as he was allowed to before pushing himself back into you. “Shit” He groaned loudly, “So fucking tight-“

You buried your head into the crook of his neck as your bottom lip shivered. Your face covered in your tears as you let out pained wails, “Look at me. I need to see you” He pushed your clinging body away until you came into his view

Your chest rising with each shaky breath you took, your eyes staring at him before his head dipped and captured one of your breasts into his mouth. Hands flung to his hair, harshly tugging at it when he pulled out more before slamming right back into you.

You wrench your fingers to interlock with his hair, your body barely able to jerk up with him resting against you.

Sliding out and repeating the same motion of going back into you, Sunghoon swears he’s returned to where he was meant to belong—in heaven.

The sounds that leaked from your mouth only fueled the carnal desire within him. Once finding a pace that he felt you clench around him tighter than anything ever before but grateful for your arousal leaking around him and slipping by, he didn’t let up.

Grabbing at your sides, the tip of his cock prepping and tickling your insides made you melt. “Burns Hoonie” You squealed, your hands dragging down his back, holding onto him desperately

“I’m right here angel. Doing amazing- Taking me so good in that sweet pussy of yours” He grumbled as his hips slammed against yours, the lewd sound of your arousal plastering on him made your face scrunch and your stomach burn

“Sung…Hoon! Ho-hoon!” Your voice were like sirens in his ears, Sunghoon’s body couldn’t let up to a slow pace—forbiddening that thought from his mind

Harshly meeting you with his hips, his grunts grew more frequent. “Look at you calling out to me” He laughed, “Cock feels that good in you?”

Only able to nod your head, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as your body jolts forwards from his thrust. He watched how you moved on the mattress, how the loud creaking of your bed would easily expose you. A smirk plastered on his face when his hand twisted at your nipple making you loudly squeal.

“Answer me”

You tried to hide your face but he gripped your chin to keep you from looking away from him. His stern gaze made you scrunch your face before wailing out, “Feels so good- I love it”

He smirked but it dropped because it wasn’t enough. Selfishly, he wanted more—He will get more.

“Not good enough” He grunted, “Say you love how deep it’s inside you. How fucking good my cock is to you”

Your face scrunched, shaking your head but his grip on your jaw worsened, ushering you to say—he knew you felt it, you just needed to openly admit it.

Aimlessly opening your mouth to speak, “So good. So deep. I love your-“ Your voice got caught in your throat to finish the sentence

“Say it angel”

A sudden harder thrust made you scream, your nails clawing at his back that you were sure you were scratching him through his top. “Love your cock” You meek out just enough for him to hear

Sunghoon’s smirk grew wider. “What about if I fill you up? You like the sound of that mhm?”

“Taking everything in you like the good angel you are?” His hands squeezed your cheeks as he messily placed a kiss on your lips. Teeth clashing and saliva dripping as he drilled his cock into your soaped core

The meant to be empty space forever in you was filled by him. Every inch he added into you, you felt. His tip grazing over spots causing you to hold onto his bicep, enjoying the strained bulge it provided.

You whined against his lips but he drank up all the sounds, your body consuming him as he consumed your mind.

Feeling your abdomen shift into a higher sensitivity, suddenly tightening as your fingers dug harder into his bicep, your whines turned into straight moans. “I feel weird again-“ You pointed out as you pulled away from the mess of his lips

“I can feel it angel” Sunghoon chuckled seeing your lips swollen, “Sucking me more into you, like you don’t want to let go of me”

“It’s okay, I promised you could let go this time”

He brought his head next to yours, his lips tickling against your ear, “Come for me angel”

The words shift a gear into your mind. Your body becomes hyper aware of everything. How heavy your breathing was, how the concealed sounds coming from Sunghoon soon slips past to your ears.

And just how pulled apart your pussy was from the new intrusion with the heights given to you.

The dried tears returned as it rimmed around your eyes as your voice cracked in pitch, “I-I” You stuttered trying to make a coherent sentence

Sunghoon pressed down on your stomach as he continued his irregular and sloppy thrust. “Keep tightening around me like that” Your mind became hazy as his thrust became faster—almost as if they were chasing something

“Want me to breed your pussy till you’re leaking of me?” Sunghoon grumbled in a ragged breath, “Have me make sure to fill you up properly until it fucking takes?”

The words made your heart race pick up, your mind not processing or fully understanding the heavier heft meaning behind them. Yet, you aimlessly agreed with an eager nod of your head.

He smirked at your wordless response. Watching how your mouth was full on slacked as he pushed his cock as deep as he psychically could. Bottoming out completely as he let out a guttural groan all while you harshly clenched around him, the warm feel erupting inside of you.

You gasped loudly, your hands grabbing onto him tighter than before, eyes screwed shut as your body voluntarily arched off your bed forcing him out. Too dazed to realize the lack of flesh buried in you as you focused on the dripping sensation falling out.

Sunghoon gawked at you, the evident afterglow basking over you as your chest dropped trying to regulate your breathing, your hand finally loosening as you pushed the warming liquid in you out.

He reached up where your hand rested and noticed the band on your ring finger. Carefully clasping his hand over yours, your heavy eyelids weakly opened seeing his fingers play with yours. You smiled softly but it dropped when he soloed on the purity ring.

Playing with the metal with his fingers, turning it into a circular motion before bringing your finger up for him. Engulfing his mouth around it, his teeth grazed your flesh as he bit the ring and tugged it upwards.

You tried to pull your hand away but his hand held your wrist to keep you in place.

The sudden bare of your finger came into sight when he dropped your hand. His mouth closed until he smiled, your purity ring hanging right in between his rows of teeth.

He felt a tug at his heart seeing the afterglow expression gone but his heart soon grew more active when he watched how your face dropped, eyes widening into pure mortification.

Lightly chuckling, his hands rise to the back of his neck, unclasping his own necklace. Slipping your ring through the bare chain, he lifted it to show it hanging right in the middle.

“You won’t be needing that anymore, would you angel?” The nickname that you once carried in pride now felt forbidden and rotten

Sunghoon chuckled and it rumbled deep from his stomach as he saw your eyes frantically looking at him. He cooed at your state and grasped your face into his hands.

Yet, a soft melody filled your room as your face scrunched hearing him humming the song every angel knew of when they attended their ceremony to receive their purity ring.

Mocking you as you watch him placing the chain back around his neck, your ring now dangling against his chest.

You winced when his hands grabbed your leg and you were suddenly brought into a new position.

The lower half of your body rose high when your knees bent as he flushed your legs to your body, exposing your sore entrance that was messily mixed with your cum and his cum leaking down to your sheets—tainting them.

“You’d give up heaven for me if you had to, won’t you angel?”

——

[thedas-elf-lover]

A slightly deranged review from a long time Dragon Age fan.

What this game promised to be in terms of a Dragon Age game: - Most romantic - Offer a few key world state choices that would have great plot impact, which emphasis on wanting to give players choices that have a visual impact, not just codex. - The most complex, deep companions yet. - Choices that matter.

What I got: [SPOILERS] - The shortest, chastest romances I've ever seen, where the end goal is quite literally sex. The final romance scene is the sex scene, after you've been locked in for some time. No sex before marriage, lol. Even the shortest romance in DAI is longer than the longest romance in this game. It's probably the least sex positive game out of them all. - The only choice that has visual impact is the Solas option, and even that doesn't really give anything major. Solas has maybe one unique line? Otherwise, there is no major change. The other two choices (Did you disband the Inquisition? Did you vow to save or stop Solas?) have no difference, either. It's a matter of do you want your Inquisitor to say "comrade" or "friend." The Inquisition doesn't matter. The South gets nuked off-screen anyway. In codex. So two of the three world state choices we get are mostly represented in codexes anyway. - I have nothing against the companions in Veilguard, but to call them the most complex is somewhat... false. Solas is a complex character. Thom Ranier is complex. Vivienne de Fer is complex. Fenris, Anders, Merrill, Isabela, Morrigan, and Sten are complex characters. They are characters who contain complexities that are not easily swept away. ALL the Veilguard companions are your next door neighbors. They're normal. There's nothing wrong about that, but they don't challenge you. There's nothing to think about. Lucanis isn't going to make you seriously consider your morality, despite being the "prince" of the Crows - hired killers. Neve's standing and possible privilege as a human mage in a magocracy is never commented on. These are just two examples, but the same applies for the rest of the companions. None of them are HIDING anything. I will reiterate that there's not anything necessarily WRONG with that, but it does mean they lack the flare of drama that previous companions had that made them brain-scratchers. - Choices don't matter. No matter what Rook does or says, you're railroaded into a scrappy, heroic person who is always right. The worst thing you can do in this game is just NOT do the companion quests. - Despite being a RPG, there is no roleplaying. It's more action/adventure. But it gets a little slow in places for an action/adventure. And it doesn't have enough roleplay value to be a satisfying RPG. - Pretty much the only reason I can see replaying this game is to see the opposite city routes. You don't have to finish the game to get the full romance, either. - No lore continuity. Elves, qunari, dwarves, and humans just living in peace in Tevinter. Some fantasy where poor communities aren't racist doesn't explain this away. - Orientalism in Rivain? - Reducing what was originally a story about slave liberation and rebellion to "love and murder" over Solas' ex situationship. - The game can understand gender that exists outside a binary but somehow can't understand multiculturalism. - Why does Bellara, a Dalish elf, have white guilt?

Some disorganized additions:

- Tonal whiplash. You go from losing a supposedly beloved companion to the final romance scene (the sex scene) in the space of 5 second. - You can't speak to your companions outside cutscenes. However, you can go around the Lighthouse snooping on your companions having nice conversations amongst themselves. - Not a SINGLE companion bothers to check in on the PC even once. You played as a Grey Warden who lost Weisshaupt? No one cares. Emmrich will check in on Davrin but not you. The only point in the game where they show even a smidgeon of care for you is after the Regret Prison, but they don't actually show it. You're pulled out and it immediately cuts to a war table scene. No emotional reunions. - This is Found Family - but only for the companions. Bellara has the opportunity to see Neve as a sister figure, but not you. This could roll into the lack of roleplay value in this game, but it really adds to the lonely element of this game. - "Okay guys, we lost the big game. Let's all take a step back and do some self-care exercises." But the game is Weisshaupt and the South is getting nuked. - Characters often feel like caricatures of themselves. Oftentimes this game feels like a fanfiction of the story and characters it's representing. Some of the things the characters say are not things that normal people would say. Because Rook never builds more than an entirely superficial relationship with their coworkers, it's entirely believable that the most moving thing Rook can think to say, whenever the obligatory Sad Moment happens to a companion, is "[Insert Name Here], I'm so sorry." - You could replace the Inquisitior with a cardboard cut out and it would have more life. - We already had a story about a disapproving parent who is hurtful to their queer child with Dorian. There was a missed opportunity with Shathann to explore the Qunari's view on gender, but only the Tevinter characters are allowed to talk to Taash about different gender identities. When Shathann talks about qunari gender identity, it's oppression. This game's handle on cultural identity is awful. And then they fridged Shathann. - Did you know Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, the ancient elven gods (we won't say Evanuris even though that's shorter and more believable to Andrastians who might balk at the idea of ELVEN gods), have escaped from their prison and are blighting the world? The elven gods escaped and they're blighting the world, because they're blighted and escaped prison and are elven gods and are blighting the world, Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain, those gods, who are elven, and escaped and are blighting the world. - This game is Young Adult. This game is YA with all the darker, grittier elements from the previous game filed away, presented as "politically correct" with "ethical piracy" with no continuity in characterization because Isabela Dragon Age 2 would NOT say any of that. It's if Genshin Impact was a Dragon Age game, complete with the canned body language (cross arms). - The villains are one-dimensional. Aelia's "Minrathous dark truth" AKA Batman villain, Butcher dies after 1 moment of glory, the Dragon King is nothing sauce, if Elgar'nan was just a little bit more intelligent he'd have just smashed that moon into Thedas and called it a day, Illario's speech is ripped right from the Lion King. Gone are the days where antagonists had complex reasons for their actions. Gone are the days where characters were put into situations were there was NO good choice for them to make and we could judge them with the nuance they deserved. - Also did you know: Whatever it takes?

On the bright side, the CC is great.

[astrobydalia]

Summer fling❤️‍🔥

Relatioship observations

work by astrobydalia

❤️‍🔥 A thing about Virgo Venus is that since this is Venus’ fall they tend to be socially awkward or have struggles reading the room. The type to make jokes or remarks that are a bit too direct and low-key break the mood. They tend to behave in ways that comes across as robotic or dry

❤️‍🔥 A similar thing happens with Scorpio/Aries Venus too (venus is debilitated here as well) they tend to behave in ways that breaks social harmony by being a little too bold or even scandalous (Examples of this energy: Marilyn Monroe, Doja Cat)

❤️‍🔥In general, unless the rest of the chart says otherwise, debilitated Venus positions gives the native low charisma and lower ability to blend in socially. Their demeanor tends to be too forward or rub people the wrong way.

❤️‍🔥What is up with Leo placements and becoming romantically obsessed with people that reject them? Either that or they enjoy perusing people who they "shouldn't" be with like authority figures or someone that is way out of their league

❤️‍🔥Just like Jupiter in a woman's chart tells you how her husband will be, I feel like Jupiter in man's chart will tell you what kind of husband he'll be to be honest

​❤️‍🔥​ Whenever I had Vertex in the 5th house of a Solar Return, romance was a significant thing during those years!! However it was always flings, situationships and stuff like that. The sign with gives more nuance like one year I had it in Sagittarius and I had a fleeting romance with a foreigner

❤️‍🔥 With debilitated moon (Capricorn/Scorpio Moon) I've noticed these natives tend to believe or feel like love is conditional. Things like loyalty, trust and care are earned and come with a price or you have to jump thorough endless hoops first in order to get them. They refuse to be vulnerable so they expect the other person to show their cards first and then MAYBE if you earn their trust they'll open up too but good luck with that LMAO.

❤️‍🔥 That being said, I noticed men with Capricorn/Scorpio Moon tend to marry a woman that is very self-righteous and controlling. Their choice for a life partner tends to be... yikes

❤️‍🔥 Capricorn/Scorpio Moon can be the type to be skeptical of the idea of true love. The difference is Scorpio Moons are most likely to convert into the lovey-dovey train once they find their person cause being water sign deep down they crave that intimacy. However Capricorn Moons are most likely to freeze their heart out even when their soulmate is right in front of them, unfortunately the more time passes the more cap moons tend to harden their hearts

❤️‍🔥 Scorpio Moon’s greatest fear is to be alone I’ve noticed. And yeah nobody wants that but trust me for Scorpio Moon this is a HUGE thing. When I say they crave intimacy I mean they CRAVE intimacy. If they could hot glue their loved ones to their body so they’re connected to them for life like siamese twins, they would.

❤️‍🔥 Taurus Moons are just as obsessive and sexual as scorpio moons, literally copy paste. They can also be just as toxic when underdeveloped. The difference is taurus moons are more nurturing and if they don't want you to leave they'll create a paradise or "golden cage" for you (vs Scorpio moons who tend to resort to emotional or mind games for this purpose). I was also surprised to discover how needy taurus moons become once they like you?? Idk how to explain it but it's like they wanna insert you in every aspect of their lives and low-key gatekeep you LMAO. On the other hand Scorpio Moons will push you away and play cat and mouse for a while if they see themselves catching feelings

❤️‍🔥In my opinion both moons (Scorpio and taurus) tend to seek possessiveness or control in their relationships and they usually have the upper hand or the most power I've noticed

❤️‍🔥Praying for gen z babies born under Scorpio Venus cause a lot of them have that placement square Aquarius Neptune and that combo is.... ooof. Romanticizing toxic delusional love that brainwashes the shit out of them YALL NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP

❤️‍🔥 When someone has their planets in your 12th house sign you have a fogged perception of this person, you tend to idolize them cause there are parts of them that you're blind to. However this person will feel confident in knowing your psyche as well as the unconscious motives behind your actions. This person has a knack to naturally know how to appeal to unconscious desires or fears you weren't even aware you had. For this reason you'll find this person either triggering and scary OR very addictive cause it almost feels like they penetrate your soul

❤️‍🔥 With that being said, people with planets in your 12th house are the best therapists for you or best people to vent to. Water houses in general can apply, but I feel like 12th house is better for this cause it rules over spiritual and emotional healing/cleansing specifically. This person can help you untangle your unconscious and you can feel sooooo much relief after talking or being with them. This will only apply if you trust them and they have good intentions ofc, otherwise they'll actually feed into your unconscious fears and make them worse

❤️‍🔥 People with placements on your 8th house secretly dislike and/or envy you, but still feel the need to be close with you cause they low-key wanna tear you down, wanna see you fail, wanna keep taps on you to make sure aren't too successful. I've seen SOOOOO many toxic fake friendships with this synastry... Although I've previously talked about positive manifestations of this overlay too, frankly this dynamic is what I've observed for the most part with this synastry if im honest with you

❤️‍🔥 I totally agree with @zeldasnotes when she said 8th house synastry is only good/tolerable when there’s mutual sexual attraction between the two, otherwise it’s annoying af. I believe this is because the two people can easily use sex to release all the intensity and tension between them instead of letting it build up or channeling it through toxic emotions like envy

❤️‍🔥 Okay but have you ever been genuinely loved by an Aries placement? When their heart is in it, they'll have unshakable loyalty. They’d move mountains for you, kill and fight for you. They are THE ride or dies

❤️‍🔥 A thing that I've seen a lot with women who have debilitated Jupiter (Virgo, Gemini, Capricorn) is that they have a husband that prioritized his work over their marriage/family. The husband is often away due to work or duties or just emotionally unavailable in general. These women tend to give up something about their life after marriage because they had to accommodate to their husband's life style, like if she has to move or give up her own job to be with him she will. For example: Grace Kelly (Gemini Jupiter) who quit acting after marring the prince of Monaco. Hailey Bieber (Capricorn Jupiter) who was exposed to a lot more public attention after marrying Justin and she said herself she's had to learn to adapt that being new part of her life now

❤️‍🔥 Another big thing I've seen with Saturn influence in the 7th house is that your spouse will have big, BIG ambitions. People only talk about Jupiter or Venus but to be real with you, Saturn is an underrated indicator for your spouse being wealthy. This placement indicates that your spouse is stablished, successful and can easily provide stability for you. All the people I've seen with this placement married someone who had a business!!!!, their own house, a successful career, a household name, a higher position, etc

What I mean by Saturn influence on the 7th (for both Vedic and Tropical): Saturn in the 7th house Capricorn or Aquarius DSC 7th ruler in the 10th house (also maybe 11th house) or vice versa Saturn darakarka

❤️‍🔥 Mars-Pluto aspects definitely will make someone have pretty extreme kinks

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen this a lot in Pisces Moons and Aries Moons that they low-key wanna be babied in a relationship or they subconsciously end up being the one who’s more coddled and taken care of by their partner

❤️‍🔥 Aries and Gemini placements in the composite chart is indicative of a relationship that likely won't last long-term. I've seen this placement in long lasting marriages too but their relationships gave off fling vibes, really playful, they type where people said they wouldn't last

❤️‍🔥 I’ve seen Saturn in the 7th house synastry manifesting as the opposite of commitment. The Saturn person blocks off the possibility of having a committed relationship with the house person and the house person feels abandoned

❤️‍🔥 With that being said Saturn in synastry/composite can indicate rejection in that area and things one or both parties will deprive the other of or deny them. For example Saturn in the 8th synastry/composite can mean one person refused to have sex with the other or there are many conditions and restrictions in the sex life of both

❤️‍🔥 Aquarius and Capricorn Mars/Venus are SO good at hiding their attraction from you. They'll watch from afar for some time before making some move meanwhile you'll be clueless of their interest

❤️‍🔥 Moon square Neptune is an aspect that makes someone emotionally insecure, the type to need constant reassurance that you still love them. Can also be emotionally manipulative in very subtle almost undetectable ways

❤️‍🔥 Earth Venus find it very easy to engage in casual dating/hook up culture because they know how to not get too attached. They have a hyper awareness of what purpose a certain relationship is serving them at the moment so they act accordingly

❤️‍🔥 On the other hand I’ve noticed Air Venus natives have a tendency to play around because they know they get the ick quickly. But it's all fun and games until they end up catching feelings accidentally 😭

❤️‍🔥 My experience having Gemini Jupiter in the 7th house: Yes all my suitors/dates have been foreigners but the cultural difference was never that big. They usually came from a country close to mine or their cultural background was very similar from mine

work by astrobydalia

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist