#i lov infants so so so much!!!

[irlsimmer]

[marcmorrigan]

bad news dude i just talked to the doctor and your babyface is incurable. yeah youre stuck like that. yeah its probably for forever sorry

OC, he/him for angelo, thnx!

[alchemistc]

There's been something about the woobification of Buck that's been sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, and I think I've finally figured it out.

This is, of course, mostly in reference to the moral outrage about a decade-ish (give or take) age gap between two adult men and the infantalization of one said grown man, so all the puritanism isn't really coming from a place of good faith anyway, but here's the thing that's been bugging me that I couldn't quite put a finger on until now.

Buck has people he goes to for certain things. He has, what are in his mind, experts in the field for most of the things he can't think through on his own, that he goes to for a sounding board.

He went to Hen to talk through the sperm donor dilemma for a few reasons that made sense to him. 1) She's a mom. She has very much had to deal with the reality of 'giving up' children she considered her own. Buck is aware that he would be giving up something that could mean something to him, and he wants to talk to someone who has some insight into that. 2) She's dealt with IVF. She knows the risks, she knows the trials and tribulations, she knows about this thing that he is thinking about agreeing to be a part of so she's going to have a fuller grasp on the enormity of everything this process entails.

And they drink about it. Hen gives him what she can and cautions him where she thinks she should and they continue to talk about it and regardless of what SHE thinks, he makes his mind up in part because he got to talk to his Expert.

Bobby is often his go to when he feels like he's losing his grip on things. He's seen Bobby staring down the bottom of the bottle. He's seen the work he's done to pull himself back into the world, and he's seen the way he fights for his family, his people. Buck leans on him in times of questioning himself because he knows Bobby has pulled himself off the ledge with bleeding hands and a bleeding heart.

He reaches out to Maddie about interpersonal shit constantly. We see it all the way back in S2 when he's starting to question what the hell he's still doing in Abby's apartment, and that never really changes. She's the one with advice for him when he's angry with his parents, upset with the firefam, worried about his friends, or just generally concerned with the way he's perceived by people or how he perceives the world. He goes to her when he's embarrassed, ashamed, because he knows she won't judge him for it. She'll call him out, for sure, but she's not going to look at him differently when she knows he's done something he considers bad behavior.

When he goes to her during the Tommy arc, he's there for one reason he'll admit, and another she has to ferret out. 1) He lied to his best friend and he doesn't know why. 2) Oh yeah he went on a date with a dude that's not strange WHY IS THAT STRANGE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ALLY PLEASE DON'T PULL BACK THE CURTAIN - and Maddie is there with two things: 1) It's not weird but it IS new and something you clearly haven't worked through all the way which is why 2) you'll tell Eddie when you're ready

And Eddie is sort of his go-to to bounce ideas off of. Eddie is his Buck expert. Eddie is the guy who can sort through all the bullshit and who sees Buck for exactly who he is, every time, regardless of what Buck himself is thinking. Eddie is his best friend, and he knows the good the bad and the ugly better than anyone else. He is also, quite frankly, the one Buck seeks out to help him contextualize all of his romantic feelings for people. Eddie's the guy he talks to when he's interested in someone, when he's falling for someone, he's the guy through which Buck filters his love interests into the firefam. I do the same shit with my best friend. It's instinct to want the person you consider the expert on you to meet the person you are interested in, it's instinct to want them to like each other, to get along. Buck knows Eddie loves him (in whatever way you see that love, Buck knows Eddie loves him) and he wants this person who loves him to be at least an active listener as he talks himself through the minefield of relationships. I do also think that up until the events of season seven, Buck considers Eddie sort of an expert on that traditional love-marriage-kids-white-picket-fence relationship Buck thinks he's striving for - in a very naive way, because obviously the wasn't what Eddie and Shannon had and Buck knows that, but he's probably fed some of Eddie's rose colored reminiscences back into that notion.

When he comes out to Eddie he's got two worries. 1) I lied to you and I figured out why but I'm still a little worried you think it's weird and 2) I screwed it up with someone I really like and I don't know where to go from here.

And Eddie (Buck expert) reassures him that just because it's new and unexpected doesn't make it strange, that it doesn't change anything in their friendship. And then he gets right to the heart of it - if you like him you should reach out and tell him that. He doesn't know you like we do but if you give him the chance to, he'll love you as much as we do. If he doesn't give it the same shot you want to he's the idiot.

With all that context in mind, Buck isn't seeking out Tommy's attention because he wants an authority figure, or someone to take care of him, someone to guide him through sex or love or relationship dynamics or any of the other random shit I've seen ppl infantalizing Buck about.

What he's looking for, and what he ultimately tells Tommy he'd like to pursue, is a partnership. Someone to walk (or more likely for Buck, speedrun) through experiences together. The Athena to his Bobby, the Chim to his Maddie, the Karen to his Hen.

So every time I see someone infantalizing Buck for seeking out a relationship with an older man for X or Y reason, I'm just like - no. He has Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Eddie, Chim etc for that. He doesn't want or need Tommy for that. He is a grown ass man who has built these strong relationships with his peers and his mentors and he is so fucking aware of that because he reaches for their help any time he feels the urge for a helping hand.

So yeah, Tommy's older. Yes, Tommy has more experience with his sexuality than Buck. And that - that's really it. Buck's been in the same career for more than half a decade. He's lived on his own since he was no older than 19/20. He's had serious relationships, he has a rich and fulfilling life. There is no power imbalance in the relationship between Buck and Tommy.

And while the age gap may be a bit of a draw for Buck, it's not WHY he's attracted to Tommy. We know because he's told Maddie. He's cool. He's interesting. He's confident. He has a cleft.

Buck isn't going into this waiting for someone older and more experienced to take the fucking reins. He felt like he clicked with Tommy, like there was an immediate connection, and yes, Tommy had to kiss him about it for Buck to actually figure out what it was he was experiencing, but from that point on it was all on Buck (and the people he leans on for advice) to help him sort through.

Tommy didn't do shit other than pump the brakes and try to give Buck the space he thought he needed to decide what he was ready for. Buck (again, with the help of his experts - Maddie for the emotional piece of it, Eddie for the Buck of it all) did the work on his own. Tommy didn't swoop in and overbearingly hold his hand through a sexual awakening. He kissed him, asked him out, realized he wasn't ready, stepped back and then checked in multiple times when Buck came back at it going 120 miles an hour.

And then he did everything he could to prove to Buck he wanted the same thing - a partner, someone to talk to, and lean on, and flirt with and rely on to show up whenever they could feasibly manage it (and sometimes when it's a little unfeasible too).

The narrative even acknowledges that Buck had no reason to go to Bobby in this scenario, when he often would, and lays out exactly why.

Within the canon of this particular arc, we're meant to see this as Buck realizing he has the experience necessary to think these things through on his own. This is Buck finally taking control of something that's always felt like it fell into his lap a bit. This is Buck doing more than treading water until his legs give out.

And minimizing that growth bc you personally don't like the LI he's pursuing is gross at best. At worst it's something much more insidious.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

You Like Animals More Than Humans | Yandere Drabbles

LOV-Too many times have you excused yourself from the League of Villains’ meetings in order to carry off your secret activities. Now Tomura didn’t want to pry but your secrecy was suspicious and what better way to find out what you’re doing than by peer pressure. 

You walked back into the bar in your undercover clothes trying to be quiet. 

“What ya sneakin’ around for?” 

You didn’t jump, you already knew they were there, you just didn’t expect them to all be awake. You took off your shoes and left them near the door; respect was a first. You settled at the bar despite the confrontational poses of everyone in the group. You’d request your typical bottle of vodka and head to bed ignoring the suspicious glares of your team. 

The next day you snuck out once again casually jogging until you reached the dark embankment under a bridge. You meticulously moved some boxes to reveal a clutch of puppies and kittens. During your nightly jogs you’d find strays and collect them in a homemade shelter where they could survive throughout the day when you can come and feed them. Burying yourself in the wriggling masses of the infant creatures taking time to feed each and everyone of them. Once again you felt their presence but you said nothing if they wanted to kill you for your love of these animals that was fine. What wasn’t fine was if they decided to hurt these creatures. Instead they seemed to guard the bridge scaring off some homeless people every now and then. As you moved to leave them hidden by boxes, Tomura intervened, fighting the blush that climbed up his ears. 

“You can bring them with us if you want.”

You stopped to think for a moment. Would they truly be safer with you–a villain? You re-uncovered the boxes to see the faces and hear the babes on full blast. Their home was with you even if it was a dangerous place. 

“Let’s go home, my loves.”

The surrounding villains all resisted the words they thought were directed for them happily heading home. Tomura was the only one who was actually looking at who that was directed for and it was at the creatures mindlessly crawling around the box you were now holding. He couldn’t deny that he would be willing to take those words out of context in his imagination. 

Tomoe~You had expressed your love for animals quite openly, fawning over his ears and asking to cuddle his tail. He figured this was the case for only furry animals. He was wrong. When Misaki, the white snake familiar, you amicably invited the weirdo into his home. 

“(Y/n)-chan!!! I came!”

“Ohmigosh!! Hi!!” 

You greeted him like you did your excessively loud friends hugging him and bouncing at the same time. Making himself at home you offered him the food he cooked and completely ignored him for this snake. 

“Hey so the first time I met you, you were that snake right?”

“Yes.What about it?”

“Could you…maybe turn into it now.”

Tomoe was listening by the door watching your silhouettes merge along the wall. It becomes silent and he wonders if this is a decent time to accuse the snake of something nefarious. Prepared to defend his intrusion he slid the door open to find an atrocious scene. 

You wrapped in the concerning form of Misaki as the white snake. You seemed to be silently cooing, rubbing your face and cheeks on the scales of Tomoe’s enemy. He wasted no time prying off the snake who tried so hard to stay latched onto you. 

“Get out of here you vermin!” 

“AAAhHH”

Sending his fox fires to ‘escort’ the intruder out he held you against him of course overpowering your weak human struggling. He wanted to hold you longer, to ejoy how much lighter you were for him but he could tell he was in for an earful.

“TOMOE!!! HOW COULD YOU?! Youweresomeantohim.Ireallywantedtojustenjoysomescales-”

POOF

Like clockwork the puff of smoke on Tomoe’s body revealing his tail and waving it enticingly infront of your face. Immediately any animosity on your face was replaced by pure enjoyment as you curled around the thick silver fox’s tail.

He’d never admit it but he was pleased that he can surely satisfy you better than that snake. If it really came down to it he is your favorite animal and if he wasn’t he’d easily fix that. After all he is your familiar and if he couldn’t make you fall in love with only him he’ll just do what he did to Misaki. Chase them away because you were his, and if you loved animals so much he’d fulfill that desire.

Inosuke Hashibara- “PUT THAT RABBIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!!”  You were on a separate mission with the boarish demonslayer. Kagaya suggested that the two of you work together; he didn’t specify why. You suspected it had to be the vast knowledge of animals and the fact that you admired them so much, he must have figured you would be more patient with this boy since he grew up with animals. He was wrong. Since the demon was picking off travelers in these intensely wooded forests you wanted the two of you to stick together, more likely than not this demon was one of illusion able to draw innocent victims in without a moment to struggle. Instead your partner was terrorizing the local inhabitants of the forest insisting it was hunting time. 

“Quiet (m/Y/n)! You’ve almost scared off dinner!” He continued to squeeze this little rabbit in his insanely tight grip. You began to creep up behind him as he tried to skip off excited with his new catch. You jumped to tackle the beautiful boy only being able to latch onto the arm with the rabbit. 

“You’re challenging me!? Perfect!! Fight me!!”

Releasing the rabbit to wrestle with you. Flipping you onto the ground before belly flopping ontop of you to be kicked off by you who was cradling the rabbit all throughout. This would continue with you and Inosuke tumbling over one another over hills, meadows, before coming to a stop at the mouth of a cave. 

“AAAhhh In-Inosuke! If you don’t stop it-Hey! Right now I’ll-” 

“Do what?! Beg for my forgiveness? You’re mine!”

“Eww could you PUHLEASE have your intercourse elsewhere?! This is sacred ground!”

It was the demon, shrouded in shrubbery and cringing at the sight of you.They seemed to miss your uniform and Inosuke’s swords. Swiftly you two untangle around eachother working to surround the demon with his relentless slicing and your power strikes that ultimately ended the demons life. As predicted a few trees had fallen within the struggle and you did a quick scan of the forest confirming its clarity–Wait! The Bunny!!

A tree was already careening down on the little mammal who looked innocently up at you as if to solidify just how unknown this death would be. You dived to save the rabbit cradling them into your chest expecting to take the brunt of the blow. Instead the feeling of being pulled and cradled yourself in the arms of none other than Inosuke Hashibara. 

“Oh uhm thank you.”

“Of course I, King of the Mountain, would save my stupid mate even as they rescued our dinner.”

Wait mate?! 

“Dinner!?”

[therealpussybangs]

When you figure out they cheated pt. 1

A/n: Tw- ANGSTY ANGST ANGST, swearing, yelling, crying, fighting, cheating

Tooru Oikawa 

You had just gotten home from a week long trip with your best friends, and all you wanted to do was cuddle up with your gorgeous boyfriend. He had just hopped out of the shower and was changing when he asked you to grab him his phone from off the dresser. But when you picked it up, there were three missed messages and one missed call from a number you didn’t recognize. You asked Tooru if you could read them, and he of course said yes. 

“Hey I had a lot of fun last night!”

“Wanna meet up again sometime??”

“I really enjoyed myself, “Mr. Bedbreaker””

Your eyes fill with tears as you continue reading, and as you get down to the last notification, you see a voicemail. You were about to click on it when your soon to be ex-boyfriend walks out of the closet.                                                   “Babe? Why are you crying?!” he asks, full of concern and worry. But he doesn’t have time to pull you into his arms because you are already brushing passed him into the closet. Oikawa reaches down to grab his phone when he sees the open notifications.                                                                                  “Shit...” How could he have been so careless...He wanted nothing more than to hear your distant sobs stop, to cradle you and tell you it meant nothing..but he was frozen. Frozen by fear. Frozen by self-hatred. Self-hatred for hurting you, and self-hatred for the fact that he too...enjoyed last night’s activities. 

Oikawa was feeling rather lonely and wanted to go out for a bit before you got home. So he decided he wanted to go to the bar. Bad idea. He ended up in some gorgeous girl’s bed the next morning, instead of waiting patiently for you to come home. He at first thought you would never know and life would go on, but as the hours past after he left the woman’s house, the guilt started to pool at the bottom of his stomach, making him feel sick.

He slowly padded into the closet where you sat crying, packing your things.       “Baby please don’t leave...please i beg you,,we can work past this I can-” You cut him off mid-sentence, already having enough of his pleas.                            “You did this you yourself Oikawa, you can’t do anything now. We’re over, I’ll have my brother come and grab the rest of my shit tomorrow.” Sobs wrack his body as regret swims in his desperate eyes. “Please don’t call me that- i’m your Tooru, your baby, your lovebug! A-and don’t say that either, we can move past this talk through it! it meant nothing I- I love you and you only.!!” He started grabbing onto your shoulders almost more to keep him steady on his feet rather than him trying to get you to stay. You shrug him off however, and walk away only stopping at the door. “Please don’t contact me again, I don’t ever want to see you again.” He rushes to your side and says “baby...please anything just stay...I love you so much”                                                                “Then why...why’d you do it...was I not enough?? Was I not pretty enough..not skinny enough..?” He looks at you with stress written on his face, and as he looks into your broken eyes, he knows exactly what he’s losing, and he hates it. “No baby...god no, you’re perfect, beautiful, it was a mistake!” You shake your head and walk out the door, before you close it you say “ 

That was the last thing you ever said to him. And that was the last time he ever saw you...until about 6 years later when he saw you holding the hand of an infant, and wiping the ice cream off the child’s face. He was going to walk over there and explain how much he’s changed, until he saw a handsome man walk up to you, kiss your temple and pick up his daughter. Your daughter. 

It’s funny how quickly someone’s life can change, the unfunny part is the way in which it changes.

Suna Rintaro

Suna had just gotten back from an extra long day at work, and you know something was up the moment he came through the door. He was so far gone, drunk, high, all things bad. You wanted to ask what was up but when you went in for a hug another girl came through the door.                                                  

 “Babe, whose this girl in your house..?” She slurred her words, unable to even keep herself up straight. That’s when you realized he wasn’t drunk, or high at all, the smell was coming from that awful woman. You’d almost wanted him to be wasted. Then he wouldn’t have that horrified look on his face. A face of regret, horror, and he looked like he was going to be sick. The girl turned around and asked you “So, who are you, bitch?” 

You lost it. You broke down, crying, glaring at Suna, slowly backing away from him. “Baby, please I-” You just shook your head and walked into your room, sobbing. He explained to the woman standing at the door that you were in fact, his fiance. She widened her eyes and started screaming at him. Little did he know, you were already packing your things. When Suna walks into the closet, he panics. “Baby please don’t leave I can explain I’m so sorry I love you so much-” You shake your head and look down. “Was I not good enough....”

He just wants to hug you. Tell you it’s going to be alright. That he loves you so much, but to his horror, you flinch away. You start sobbing and screaming about how he brought another woman into your shared home. He starts crying and hiccuping, apologies and “She meant nothing!”’s stringing out of him. You eventually finish packing, and he grabs onto you. “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE I LOVE YOU I’M SO SORRY” he screams, trying to keep you there. He needed you. 

He needed your good morning kisses, the goodnight cuddles, the ‘I love you’s”, the delicious meals you cook and the encouragement you gave. You were walking towards the front door and you said, “the damage is done Suna, I trusted you and you brought another woman home, I’m sorry I loved you, and I’m sorry I wasted my time building a relationship with you.’ his eyes shot wide open and he knew, he was done for, and he didn’t have anything to do about it.

What happened to being your “Rinnie” “Rin” or “Taro”?? He always loved those nicknames you gave him even tho he always said they were stupid. “Please baby...” His voice was so quiet and scared you almost gave into the urge to kiss him on the forehead and hug him and tell him it’s okay. But you didn’t. You left and told him you never wanted him to contact you again. “I’m sorry Suna, goodbye” you said, the both of you crying now, him in worse shape than you.

You trusted him.

You loved him

But that’s okay, because it’s been 5 years, so it’s all past-tense.You Trusted, loved him. All in the past. You love someone else now, and you deserve that persons’s love just as much as they deserve yours. You learned your worth, and you learned that you deserve happiness. 

And now you’re okay.

[dabiboy]

Ok, so I tried to keep this one as canon as possible, so I hope it turned out good and you guys like it!

Tiny Thing [Dad!Dabi]

Your relationship was not even a relationship. The two of you were together, yet there were days in which Dabi went missing for weeks, and you had no idea if he was coming back alive. And didn't change when the happy not so happy little accident happened. He let you make the choice, keep it or... Just finish with all of it. After days and days of thinking, you have decided that you were going to keep the baby, and of course, you gave him the liberties, either if he wanted to stay or just go away, at the end of the day a kid was not a game, neither something simple or temporary. It was a surprise when he said that he was going to be there, not all the time, but he was going to try. It was not only his past that haunted him, but also the fact that he was a villain. How were you going to explain your hero friends? family? How could he tell the LoV that now he had a kid? The two of you just couldn't, and that creature was your best secret.

Everything was set for that Friday morning, your best friend was going to babysit Kaji as you were out for half of the day, but things are not always how you expect them to be.

''I'm coming!'' You said, letting the ten-month-old infant on his crib as you went to open the door. 

''Hey there'' Your jaw dropped when you saw the black-haired man standing in front of you.

''Dabi? What are you doing here'' Your voice was full of surprises, but you quickly pulled him in so no one could see him. 

''Told Chapstick he could fuck off today'' He smirked, sliding his hands on each side of your hips as he kissed your jaw.

''As much as I would like to do this, and ask you where have you been, I can't. I'm already late and-'' He interrupted you when it hit him.

''The thing. How is it?'' Dabi asked, moving away from you so he could see you.

''The thing has a name, Kaji. And it is your kid'' You raised an eyebrow.

''My thing'' He replied back, making you roll your eyes. 

''He's fine'' you punched his chest softly ''Ema is coming today to take care of him.''

''Who the fuck is Ema'' he asked furrowing his eyebrows ''Where are you going?'' Dabi asked again. 

''My best friend, and I got a call from the job. They need me there until two pm, so she will be here in a few minutes.''

''I can take care of him'' He stated simply raising his shoulders, and you opened your eyes in surprise. 

''You what'' 

''I can take care of him today, is my son after all.'' he said again ''I'm not gonna burn him alive as my father did with me, so don't worry princess''

You hit him on his shoulder again, making him laugh at his dark joke. And you thought for a second, was it a good idea? You trusted him, but not the people that were after him. What if the League finds out? What if some hero arrived at your door and saw him with a kid, without knowing he was indeed his father? Those questions were screaming inside your head, but you decided to give it a try. It was the first time in three months he was back, and... You wanted Kaji to spend time with him.

''Ok, fine. But call me if you notice things start getting messy, or if you suspect something, got it?'' You said with concern, the baby boy was your life. And certainly, your love for Dabi remained the same even though things were informal between the two of you.

''Messy as in he threw up on me, or messy as in there's a bunch of villains coming over?'' 

''You know which one'' you said and started moving quickly, grabbing your bag. ''Listen, gotta go now or else I'll lose my job. He's sleeping in his crib, the toys are all over the place, if he doesn't stop crying you'll have to pick him up, his favorite toy is the one that looks like you, he has to eat at one pm, then take a nap. But I should be back soon, I'll call you''

For more than you wanted to stay more time with the two of them, you couldn't. Your incomes were the only thing that allowed you to live in the apartment, and of course to give Kaji what he needed. You left a soft kiss on Dabi's lips before going back to the baby's room and press a kiss on his forehead. You were going to call Ema on your way to the job to tell her there was someone else taking care of the baby. 

Dabi just stood there, and look at the number of colorful toys scattered on the floor, why had he said that he was going to take care of the baby? He had no idea what to do, but a part of him wanted to spend time with Kaji, his son.

He walked slowly towards his bedroom, and saw at the crib with some kind of panic, confusion, and maybe a little sadness because he had lost enough of his life already. The boy sleeping in the crib was just like him, the same facial features, and he was thankful he had your hair color and not his, not another reminder of his past. It was still hard to believe that he had a son, that tiny innocent creature had no idea of the father he had, but he was trying, trying hard not to be so shitty. Dabi rested his forearms on the cribs, looking at him.

''Fuck you're cute, you little accident'' He said to himself, trying not to wake him up. ''So you're just gonna sleep there until you find something better to do, huh? Fine then''

Dabi started walking around the room, looking at the plushies, interactive toys, everything. Was his childhood like that? He had some good memories, but the bad ones were more. And looking at the little thing sleeping on the crib, he couldn't even imagine putting him through the same hell he went. He was a bastard, but not a psycho. Nor a selfish hero.

He had no idea how many minutes he spent looking at the toys in the room, until he heard a babbling. Dabi turned around, and there he was. Awake, showing off his turquoise eyes. The same eyes he had. There was no doubt he was his son. Once more his forearms were on the edge of the crib.

''Hope you remember me, you came out of my pants anyway'' He raised an eyebrow. The infant moved his tiny hands, and also his legs. But right after a few seconds, he pouted his lips and started crying as if there were no tomorrow ''Shit, don't cry. C'mon you thing'' Dabi almost pleaded, and he grabbed the first toy he saw, moving it in front of him ''Look at the toy, c'mon''

But the cries didn't stop, on the contrary, they just kept increasing. Was he hungry? did he miss you? maybe he wanted to go back to sleep, and Dabi had no idea what the hell to do until your voice echoed in his head ''Pick him up'' and then he cursed to himself. He was smart, so it didn't take him too much time to know how to lift him, however, he was scared he might hurt him.

''Is this what you wanted?'' He asked when the baby's cry was slowly fading. Kaji looked at Dabi, right in his eyes and it felt like looking at a mirror. He was thinking about everything he has done, all the crimes he had committed until now, how could he be holding a bundle of innocense in his arms? It was as if Kaji heard his thoughts, because he started crying again, louder than before. Dabi hissed and started walking around the apartment, trying to calm him down. ''I know I have an ugly ass face, but you'll get used to it, your mom did so you can too''

Dabi looked around the toys in the living room, looking for the one you said looked like him. Was it a blue one? Or maybe one that was ripped or something. But right in the corner was a pirate teddy bear, his ears and nose full of rings, more like piercings. He scoffed and picked it up, it doesn't look like me, he thought. He moved the plushie, trying to call Kaji's attention with it.

He sat on the floor, letting the kid there too, trying to ease his crying while moving his favorite toy in front of him. But it wasn't working either. And Dabi was frustrated.

''For fuck sake.'' He cursed, using his hand to cover his face, a few gleams of tiny blue flames leaving his hand. And the crying stopped. ''Did you like that?'' Dabi asked, moving a little bit away from him so he could do it again, and when he did, Kanji laughed with puffy eyes. ''You little bastard'' Dabi smirked, repeating his actions and the boy clapped in happiness.

It looked as if the blue fire caught his attention, since it was the only thing Kaji was looking at, not even his toys. Dabi kept using his fingers to light up little but multiple blue sparkles. ''Ok, I need to stop this or else I'll burn the entire apartment down, and we don't want that, do we?'' In a gesture that surprised himself, Dabi left a soft pat on Kaji's head.

The two blue-eyed boys stood there, sitting on the floor. Dabi didn't even notice his own expression, a tiny smile on his face as he saw every little action the kid did, how he crawled around the living room, or how he chewed some toys. But at some points, the toys were boring again, because he started to climbs Dabi's thigh, a way of asking for his attention. Dabi picked him up again, holding him right in front of his face.

''What is it no-'' Dabi hissed. And he hissed in pain because the baby grabbed his chin, pulling at the skin, and by doing so also the staples ''You little fucke-'' He interrupted himself again, as he tried to pull his hand away, and when he did the kid giggled ''There are better things than my dirty staples'' He lifted him on the air, making Kaji laugh again. ''Yeah, you're cute''

Dabi was smiling again, repeating the action of lifting his arms with Kaji on his hands. It was a weird feeling, was it unfair? The baby had no idea what his father did, the things he had done. His smile was slowly fading, the little boy's eyes were pure, shiny and innocent, how could he clap at that man's face? Dabi was feeling guilty, he wasn't worthy of that cute little thing.

''Listen,'' He sat him on his lap, flexing his knees so Kaji could lay his back there. ''I'm a shitty father, but... Damn, I am a shitty father,'' He scoffed at the affirmation ''I'm trying, okay? I know I'm fucked up but I'll try not to be shit with you'' He pocked at his chubby cheek with his index finger.

Hours went by, playing and talking at him as if Kaji could understand every word, even the bad ones. The clock on the wall stroke 1pm, and being functional he stood up holding the boy in his arms, walking to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, he found a tiny dinosaur bowl, the content? A disgusting green color, probably many vegetables crushed in order to make that kind of... Soup. Dabi looked at it with a disgusted expression, but he had no idea how to cook for a kid so Kaji would have to it anyway.

The black-haired man took the bowl and the kid back to the living room, sitting him on his tiny chair. He heated the food with his hand, and took the spoon to try to make him eat. Kaji seemed to enjoy it, until he slapped a full spoon against him, staining Dabi's cheek. He cursed and his face had a deadpan expression As if my face wasn't fucked up enough already he cursed under his breath and took a napkin so he could clean up himself. The rest of the lunch went smooth, and once the bowl was empty he left in on the table.

Dabi remembered your words, Kaji had to take a nap after his lunch. Big failure. Twenty minutes, thirty five, an hour, and the baby was still awake. To his eyes, his father was funnier than a nap. But then he thought you should have been home by now, but that changed when you called him. A trip to another city, you said. And a part of him was happy, and the other was worried. Was he going to be able to take care of him the rest of the day? Maybe. He took a deep breath and kept with his task for the day.

They went back to the floor, the kid sitting between his legs as he kept playing distractedly with his toys. There were moments when Dabi lift him up, and made him set his little feet over his, and trying to make him walk, but Kaji was having the time of his life rather than learning how to walk. Dabi took some pictures of him, even he got a selfie. And there was no way he was going to let Toga near his phone again, they couldn't found out about Kaji. No way.

When night arrived and after his dinner, Dabi tried to make him sleep on his crib, but then a thought haunted him. What if something happened? What if someone entered through the window and take Kaji away while he was sleeping? He couldn't do that. So he picked him up again and went back to your room. Dabi opened the bed and set the kid in the middle of it. He got rid of his boots so he could lay by his side, and resting his weight on the side of his body he laid a hand on Kaji's tiny belly, preventing him from falling.

''I meant what I said earlier, tiny thing'' He whispered ''I'll try not to be a shitty dad. Just give me some time and I’ll figure this shit out’’ '' He closed his eyes.

Taking care of a baby was tiering, and eventually, Dabi could feel his eyelids heavier and heavier. He didn't even notice when he fell asleep next to him, not moving an inch away from Kaji. He didn't want that.

You arrived home at two am, and you were quite scared because Dabi was not answering your calls, and when you got home all the lights were off. The door of your room was open, and you slowly walked in. And the sight made your heart clench. Dabi was asleep, and Kaji was peacefully sleeping by his side, his tiny hands over Dabi's hand, somehow holding his fingers. When you took a step in, Dabi woke up and move away from Kaji a bit.

''I was... I was making sure this thing was breathing'' He said, raspy voice and tired eyes. You laughed softly at his embarrassment  ''How was the trip?'' he asked in a whisper. 

''It was fine, longer than I expected tho'' You laid on the other side of the bed, kissing Kaji's forehead and caressing his head. ''Was it hard?'' You asked him.

''I think this creature loves me more than you do'' Dabi teased and tried to sit on the bed, but the baby whined a bit. 

''I think you're right. He doesn't want you to leave'' You looked at him ''And honestly, I don't want you to leave either, Dabi'' He scoffed.

''I guess I can make an exception for the two of you today'' He laid on his side again, and Kaji curled up next to his side. ''And you owe me my payment, dollface'' Dabi said, laying a hand on Kaji's back. Your heart melted again.

''And what is it?'' You asked in amusement.

''Your shitty kisses, because I haven't got one since I fucking got here'' He smirked, closing his eyes one more time.

You didn't know in what stage your relationship was but at that moment? It didn't care. You were there, with the two men you loved the most by your side, and even if it was one night in a hundred, it was a night you were going to keep in your heart and soul forever.

............................................

Tag list [open]: @angelofdarkness1020 @totallytouya @pemichh @hecatve

[todomitoukei]

What gets annoying the most is when horrible actions are judged with double standards depending on the status of the person who committed them. Like, it is totally okay and fine to call out the horrible things the villains did and still do as well as demanding those to be not swept under the rug but the same has to go for people like Endeavor who's more or less only a "hero" by title and not by heart or action who is also still quite too self-centered for someone who supposedly wants to atone.

Yup. A lot of people in this fandom don't even seem to realize that they are contradicting themselves when they claim it's okay for a hero to kill for X reason, but then condemn the villains for doing the same thing.

But trying to make them understand they don't make sense is like talking to a wall so it's pointless to even try, when it just becomes clear they - much like BJ for example - care more about protecting the flawed system and the heroes' images than to actually improve anything for a better future where the job title hero is actually about being a hero and "going above and beyond" doesn't just equal victim-blaming and killing people without facing any consequences afterwards.

It's just as Dabi said: "What is it you're saving?" -

No one - not even the lov - is pretending like the villains' crimes are okay. But even though Dabi's main goal with becoming a villain was to make Endvr look bad and essentially make him partially responsible for Dabi's crimes since no one knew about the crimes Endvr has directly committed so there was not going to be any justice for his victims, by having people continue to mainly focus on Dabi's crimes and solely blame him for them, it's also once again highlighting that it's not about the crimes - only about who it is that commits them.

If it's a villain, it's a crime, it's bad, it's wrong, it's irredeemable.

If it's a hero, though, than it was good, it saved people even.

People will become the most creative people on the planet trying to defend the heroes' crimes and attitudes without realizing the flaws in their so called logic.

The lov constantly get dehumanized in order to justify the injustices they face, whereas the heroes could probably kill an infant at this point and still be considered to be doing the right thing.

So the real problem is that a lot of people in this fandom are simply reading something that isn't for them. They're not interested in reading a story about a flawed system that needs to be criticized and changed. They're not interested in reading a story about characters that aren't always doing or saying the right things. They just want to see a story about heroes, people we are told are the good guys, to beat the villains, people we are told are the bad guys, instead of having their views challenged.

It's uncomfortable for them to have familiar definitions challenged and admit that the world isn't black and white.

Although, admittedly, the fandom does reflect bnha's society's views too, so in a way this makes us understand the lov even better since we too constantly have to repeat and defend our points to people who refuse to listen like some stubborn toddler.

So I can't wait for the story to finally get to the part where the villains get saved and have their victimhood acknowledged by people that aren't villains. It might still take some time but once we get there it's gonna be really fun to see a lot of people be proven wrong.

[yukimoji]

Goodbye, My Beloved. ( Kyojuro Rengoku x Reader )

[ Muichiro pls or a Giyuu or Rengoku Specific request for rengoku that it’s an angst of reader reminiscing about rengoku after finding out he died maybe the reader is pregnant too. Oblivion ]

(a/n: my second attempt of writing angst! as usual, there will be grammar mistakes and typos here and there. thank you reading!)

Total words: 2100+ words

Genre: Angst

!!MANGA SPOILERS FOR THE INFINITY TRAIN ARC!!

---

Within a world full of suffering and loss, there was not much room for the warmth of happiness and love to settle in the dark pits of bloodshed and danger. The vast sky above mirrored this sensation, the shades of dark gray circling overhead as thick clouds threaten to shower the earth below with droplets of heavy rain.

You scurried to the backyard of your humble abode, scrambling to grab the damp pieces of clothing that had been put on the drying rack. You proceeded to relocate them inside, as the possibility of heavy rain was looming over the area. After you took care of such a heavy load, you won't allow the rain to throw all your hard work to waste.

Your shared cottage, which was usually filled with joy and excitement, now felt lonely without the warm presence of your husband. Kyojuro was on a mission to investigate a demon riddled train in the far regions. Reports of Demon Slayers assigned to the train and not coming back were gradually increasing, and the Demon Slayer Corps ought to decide to finally send a Hashira to look into the matter.

It's been days since your beloved had journeyed into the far regions, and the knot in your stomach grew tighter in each passing day. In these lonely times, the feeling of fear and doubt has always been with you. While Kyojuro was out and slaying demons, you couldn't help but give in to the sensation of a knot in your stomach twisting and turning as you pray to the gods above for your husband's safe return.

However, you did not doubt your husband's abilities in any kind. He was a Hashira; one of the best of the best in the Demon Slayer Corps. He had decapitated countless demons with a simple quick slash of his Katana, the heads of the Lower Moon demons he defeated considered as prized victories. His breathing style had been passed down throughout centuries, the techniques filled with such precision and finesse that would have taken any demon down.

He always promised to come back to you.

And he did.

Besides, there was something else that increased his desire to come back to you.

You wobbled inside the cottage, a hand caressing your swollen tummy. Months ago, you announced to the world that you were carrying Kyojuro's baby. He was ecstatic by this news, pampering your face with loved-filled kisses as he lifted you up, laughter escaping both of your lips.

Ever since then, he doubled his efforts in his missions. He would take extra-precautions to keep himself safe, as he could not wait to come back home and meet his child.

You sighed and stood in front of the window, looking over the beautiful and vast plains of the area. The sky was getting darker, and you wondered if a big storm was coming. You were beginning to wonder; how was Kyojuro doing? Did he finish the mission? Is he making his way back to you already?

Humming softly, you tenderly caressed your stomach, singing out little lullabies for your unborn child. You felt your baby kick, and a smile tugged its way to the sides of your lips. You were excited for the day when you would finally meet your child. You daydreamed how your days would go by, the images of Kyojuro and you cuddling with your infant filling your heart with so much warmth that your eyes were threatening to water.

As if the gods had heard your pleas, you heard soft knocking coming from your front door.

Your eyes lit up, your [E / C] sparkling with anticipation as you staggered your way to the door. A giddy smile painted your lips, relief washing all over as as you stood in front of the door. As you lifted your hand to grasp the handle, you were a little confused as to why the feeling of dread did not cease. Surely, it was Kyojuro behind the door, right?

You shook your head from your intrusive thoughts. Kyojuro is alive, he must be. And here he was, waiting in the other side of the door, arms open to surround you in his warm embrace.

As you opened the door, you expected to meet a pair of golden eyes that you loved so much, but you were shocked when you saw a single Kakushi in the doorstep. They had a solemn expression on them, their eyes filled with so much worry and remorse that you felt the knot in your stomach grow tighter than ever before. Behind them was another Kakushi, who held some kind of rectangular object in their hands as they looked at you with a wry expression.

You gulped as you started to sweat. Your hands were trembling, as the unwanted thoughts of the unthinkable began to overwhelm you. Despite your increasing doubt, you forced yourself to give the Kakushi a welcoming smile.

"Hello there! What brings you here?" You asked, a slight tremble evident in your voice that gave away how you truly felt at that moment.

"Are you Mrs. [ Y / N ] Rengoku?" The Kakushi asked, their voice filled with concern.

The feeling of dread rose even further, as your heart began to thump wildly in your chest. You nodded, never breaking your smile as their eyes drooped even more.

You wanted to hurl as fear suffocated you.

"Ma'am, we came here to bring you news." The Kakushi started. Your eyes widened when the Kakushi brought out a letter, and began to read out it's contents;

"On the XX day of XXX, The Flame Hashira, Rengoku Kyojuro has been killed after an encounter against Upper Moon Three."

What?

What do you mean my husband is dead?

"His body is now relocated back to the Rengoku Estate, where his father and brother are beginning to make preparations for his burial."

No, no. There must be a mistake. There is no way my husband is dead.

He promised me he would come back for us.

"As you may know, the Flame Hashira was sent to investigate a train where a demon was thought to have caused havoc. With the aid of reinforcements, Rengoku successfully saved countless human lives while the demon was successfully destroyed. Upon the sudden emergence of Upper Moon Three, the Hashira Flame gave his life to protect those in harm's way. In the end, Upper Moon Three retreated and all the victims of the train returned to their homes."

No.. No.. No..!

"We sincerely mourn the loss of such a strong-willed man. Rengoku Kyojuro will forever go down in the history of the Corps as one of the strongest. His sacrifices and tribulations will live on, as his death will not be in vain."

As the Kakushi continued to speak, the smile on your face was no longer there. You stared at the Kakushi, eyes blazed with disbelief. You couldn't properly comprehend the information being stated to you. Your chest ached with so much pain and pressure that it was suffocating you. The only thing your mind could do was repeat a sentence;

Kyojuro is dead.

With the last of your willpower, you looked up and met the eyes of the Kakushi.

"..I see." You forced yourself to voice out.

At this point, all you could hear was the heavy beating of your heart. Your eyebrows were scrunched together, and your eyes as wide as saucers. You began to draw labored breaths, placing a hand in your chest as you gripped your clothing tightly.

The clouds above became even more darker, as small droplets of rain started to come down. The gloomy atmosphere was unironically fitting, as you could feel your resolve rapidly decline.

Surge of overwhelming emotions overtook you, as tears continuously spilled from your [ E / C ] orbs. Your body shook violently, and your knees were threatening to fall as each second passes by.  You felt sick, as the urge to vomit started to arise from your throat. Your knuckles were beginning to whiten from how hard you were gripping your clothes.

You couldn't speak, not when the only thing that came out of your mouth was the agony of whimpers and sobs. Your eyes shut tightly, as the tears continued pouring down your cheeks. You let out a pained wail as your knees finally gave in, falling to the ground as you allowed yourself to be racked with cries and sobs.

The Kakushi immediately caught you, holding you in their arms as they gently placed you down. You were a mess, tears wouldn't stop falling down from your face as you screamed into the horizon. The Kakushi holding you proceeded to draw long circles into your back in an attempt to comfort you.

"..We were also given orders to give you this. Rengoku-san specifically asked to give you a parting gift, along with a letter inside." The other Kakushi spoke up.

Without thinking, you stood up, startling the poor Kakushi in front of you. You hurriedly made your way to the other Kakushi, their eyes drooping from your swollen and tear stained face. Your eyes held a silent plea in them, begging the Kakushi to give you Rengoku's final gift.

They held the rectangular object in front of you, as you immediately took it from their hands. You traced the edges of the box, and with a deep sighs, you slowly opened it. You let out a pained cry as a little stuffed toy was inside the box, along with a piece of paper with your beloved's handwriting on it. Your trembling hands grabbed the letter, and you felt yourself fall on your knees once more as your eyes scanned over your husband's penmanship.

"My dearest, [ Y / N ],

My love, thank you for all those years you had spent with me. I will always cherish those moments were it would seem like that there was more than just a cruel world. Thank you so much for making me feel like the most loved man in the world, even with all my flaws and shortcomings.

I wish I could have met our child. Everyday, I anticipate for their arrival and I had always hoped that we could've had a happy family like you deserve to have. I hope this little toy would always remind our child that their father will always love them wholeheartedly, even though I am no longer here.

I wish I could've written more, but my injuries is against me.

Farewell, my love. You and my child were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I would not dare to replace every little moment that we shared together. Embrace my darling child for me, beloved. I will await the day where I could finally meet you again in a better world.

Always and forever,

Rengoku Kyojuro."

Your eyes stared at the letter in front of you. Your tears dropped into his signature, and you shut your eyes once more as you held the letter and the toy tightly in your chest. Heavy rain rapidly streamed down, as mud and puddles started to form around your body.

Your body was soaking wet, but you didn't care. You continued to wail, your cries almost reaching the heavens above. Images of Kyojuro flashed in your mind, as you continue to scream out for your deceased beloved.

You remember the times were he would always come home to your embrace after every mission. He would whisper sweet nothings to your ear, a declaration of love escaping his lips as he would shower you with affection.

Every time he comes back to you, he would always make love to you in the most intimate and passionate way a man could ever do.

And then, you realized.

His eyes.

His smile.

His warm embrace.

You weren't going to experience that again.

After a while, the rain suddenly died down a bit. Your throat was already sore and raw from your screaming, but you still continued to weep under the rain. The Kakushis were trying their best to keep you dry, even putting an umbrella over you, but to no avail. Your clothes were already stained with mud, and you were soaking wet.

Even so, in your daze, you swore that you could feel a pair of familiar arms curl around you. Warmth engulfed you, which seemed like an attempt to comfort you, as you continued to mourn the loss of your beloved. The wind brushes your hair, and you could faintly make out a familiar voice;

"Goodbye, my beloved."

[graceedcoup]

Please tell me you're very detailed headcanon about Asmo holding the family together and raising Satan, because I headcanon that too.

Hi! I appreciate this literally so much I'm gonna kiss you on the mouth. Have a beautiful day ♡

I'd like to start off talking about this by acknowledging the fact that this entire very long headcanon hinges entirely on the fact that I'm ignoring canon details that support the suggestion that Satan was born as a fully grown demon and not formed as an infant who had to grow through formative childhood developmental stages. I would rather believe the latter because I lov..E Ba-biEs *ahem*.. because its more fun to think about.

Before I start I would also like to say that this is part of a much bigger more complicated idea about the dynamic each brother has with eachother and their own personal childhoods and histories, which I've went into some detail about with Levi just recently. But that was all still when they were celestial beings.

Let's fast forward to right after the fall. The brothers are all war damaged, bloody, grieving, guilty, humiliated. Lucifer has just basically been strongarmed into permanently pledging his loyalty to someone he doesn't yet trust or like at all just to get a second chance for his sister who he will never see again and is still effectively dead to him, and to make sure his family has some security. Which I think may be the piece of fuel in the fire inside him that finally expels this fucking hairball of repressed emotion into a living breathing little... infant demon. That absolutely no one asked for. Cue Lucifer having the worst cast of postpartum you've ever seen and resenting the fuck out of this baby and everything it represents and every bit more stress its gonna pile onto him.

But never fear, thats why family is here! Except they're not. They've all got their own shit to deal with. Mammon is already taking care of the rest of his siblings 24/7. He can barley make time to eat or sleep. Levi is very badly hurt, having been a target in the actual battle because of his former status in the army of angels and having gone through a very dramatic change to his body even compared to the rest of his brothers, he can't move very much yet. Belphie is struggling very hard with his newfound vice, he can rarley keep his eyes open, and when he can, hes grieving, hard. He was extremely close to Lilith. Beel... is an entirely different person. Quiet is an understatement. Hes nearly motionless for days at a time in his misery and deeeep in survivors guilt.

And Asmo is also hurt. They all are but him, not quite as badly. Emotionally he's taken a big blow, he's confused, he feels hideous and disgusted by himself, his new body and these new... feelings. He looks for a distraction. Hes been looking for days but his big brother just coughed out a little brother and Asmodeus instantly has stars in his eyes. If any of them have any kind of maternal instinct, its this one. Love is, after all, his whole thing. That horrible little tantruming ball of pure demonic fury is his new baby brother and hes never been happier to step up to the plate. Lucifer is almost too eager to let Asmo hold him the first time and from that moment on those two are inseparable.

-> Taking a pause from this pseudo fic to point out the thing that got me thinking about all this in the first place was a conversation about halfway through season one where MC refuses to make a pact with Satan the first time because he's doing it to spite Lucifer. They ask the brothers what the fuck is going on with that and they all have a little sit-down where they talk about his birth. All the brothers present look kind of uncomfortable but share the story as clearly as they can. But Asmo looks like this and gives this line:

He looks downright excited and this is the only line we get about actually raising him we get. For some reason it stuck with me, idk why. Asmo just seems so proud to share about how they taught Satan to be a person. Back to how I think that went

-> Asmo quickly learns about his ability to charm other demons and just as soon as he learns how to control that he feels comfortable using a very mild form of it to calm this baby the fuck down. And it works! Thank his cold uncaring father it works. Satan smiles for the first time in his life and he sheds a few tears both in relief and at how unbearably cute he is when he's not screaming. As soon as this baby is manageable and his brothers aren't in nearly as much pain, they all start pitching in. Doing whatever it takes to calm him down, finding things to make him happy. They make the disturbing discovery that its mostly gore that makes him smile. And yanking other peoples hair. His first giggle comes with a tiny fistful of newly-black strands he won't let go of.

Even with his brothers contributing to his care, Asmo still has a major part in keeping him company. Lucifer pitches in the most after him but if his favorite caretaker isn't around hes fussy as all hell.

Asmo, being blessed with the emotional intelligence the rest of his family seems to lack, is responsible for calming the kid down and teaching him healthier ways to manage his anger and stress. He teaches him meditation and yoga and self care. Hes the only one of his brothers with both the interest and patience to teach him how to read, how to cook, how to mind his manners. His anger never disappears. Hes still more prone to outbursts than any of his siblings ever were. Hes still much more violent when he does snap. But he can control it better than he could the day before and he keeps improving. Week after week and year after year, Satan grows into somebody all his brothers are proud of.

And hes still bonded to Asmodeus the most. Despite their clashing personalities they manage to get along perfectly and spend quite a bit of time together.

Theyre paired off in Devilgram and even the main body of the story quite a bit. Asmos even is Satan's background picture during phonecalls. I'm not sure if I'm reading way too far into that wait I totally am or if the writers are even aware they're doing that but I think its sweet and ive been thinking about it for months. Thank you for the opportunity to organize it all into one place ♡

[klugpuuo]

Dark Sig /j/lh

But Lidelle?

i don't think calling real people 'characters' is very appropriate /hj

anyway

kuro sig my absolute all time forever beloved:

First impression: 'nice person,, friend'

Impression now: my eternal love . unmatched in beauty and grace and intelligence. kissing them directly on the mouth

Favorite moment: when 💖💕💞 /gen

Idea for a story: that fanfic where i apparently watch fireflies with daem but minus some of the demonization of winter's current form

Unpopular opinion: they are perfect and amazing and not to be demonized nor infantalized. this should not been an unpopular opinion

Favorite relationship: romantically? either me and love or kurosigredmitie No in-betweens i'm not entirely sure about platonically both as i don't know much about love's platonic relationships with those lov met earlier-

Favorite headcanon: honestly i havent seen many headcanons for daem that aren't incredibly foolish so i just say my hc that dae can talk to bugs

lidelle:

First impression: 'nice lass! hope she's okay'

Impression now: oh ,y gpd. ohg dkfkm . holding her so gently and sobbing for twelve hours a

Favorite moment: there are a few.

Idea for a story: her talking to satan abt their friendship and him coming to realize he does "sorta" care about her that or her bonding w/ serilly over their fears

Unpopular opinion: the only thing stopping her from kicking absolute ass is her anxiety

Favorite relationship: romantic? y'all already know (raffiessfelidelle) platonically would have to be her friendship w/ mitie or her sibling relationships with draco & satan

Favorite headcanon: i haven't really seen many- the one that she might be the second half of the goddess is definitely interesting, although it's easily disproved and also the only one i remember very well;;;;;

[tcheschirewrites]

Happy New Year!

Part of me wanted to do a Year In Review post, like I’ve seen a few other creators do, but instead of talking about myself (which I do for the entire rest of the year anyway lmao), I’m gonna do a reclist instead, of the best fics I’ve read this year. A lot of it is BNHA, because that’s been my main fandom for 2020, but I did spend a decent amount of time in other spaces. If you see a **, that means there’s boning at some point – if the fic is in bold, then there’s a lot of boning. I @ed their Tumblr if I knew it off the top of my head, but I may have missed some.

BNHA

Don't Yuck Her Yum by rumblefish ( @rumbllefish) (League of Villains Gen)

Complete – A quick disclaimer, pia is a mutual and a friend. That being said, this is such a cute little snapshot into the LOV with everyone’s favorite Found Family trope. Now, I’ll admit to being additionally biased because pia gave me that sweet sweet Dadpress food, but her Spinner is also on point. Short and sweet.

the Issue of the Jeanist Corpse (the Jorpse) by Princeliest (Hawks & Jeanist Gen)

Complete – Witty and hilarious, a deleted scene when Hawks went to visit Best Jeanist before War Arc. I love how antsy Hawks is, and how fussy Jeanist. Also, I’m a sucker for putting a j at the beginning of everything for Jeaninst.

Queer Eye: We're In Japan! And There Are Pro Heroes Everywhere!! by night_of_the_living_trashcan (Background Erasermic Family)

Complete – I love a good Queer Eye fic, and this one is so spot on. The Fab Five couldn’t get a better candidate than Aizawa (well, almost; see below). And I’m a sucker for Erasermic family.

 **Yesterday's Gods by Karzai (All Might/Reader)

WIP - Reader character is an ex-military doctor who comes to work at UA. If you’re a fan of very well-developed backstories, and reader characters that are their own people, then this is the fic for you. This fic gives me huge Newsroom vibes - we’ve got a past romance, and the tension after years apart. We get present day when they are older and more jaded, and we get the backstory of the reader character and All Might when they were young and spry.

**surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids ( @ofmermaidstories) (Bakugou/Reader)

WIP - Bakugou accidentally destroys a florist’s shop. Bar none the best Bakugou fic out there - his characterization is so on point. He is grouchy but so vulnerable, he’s coarse and soft and insecure and such a perfectionist. The relationship with the reader character develops very naturally, and the chapters are long. Bonus, we get some bangin’ Kiri as well.

 **if i could keep cool by andypantsx3 ( @andypantsx3) (Todoroki/Reader)

Complete – I’m in love with the premise of the fic: a hired cleaner gets kidnapped due to a misunderstanding of the romantic variety. Andie’s Todo is well written, and the pacing of the story is nice and tight. An easy read.

 **Subject: RAPTOR by Tainted_Wine ( @tainted-wine)(Hawks/Reader)

Complete – The villains have turned Hawks into a Nomu, and reader works collecting semen for the facility for breeding purposes. Bigtime monster-fucking, but it’s very poignant and well-done. Very long, but well worth the time.

 **My Hero by HeroAssociation(Aizawa/Reader)

WIP – Reader character is a milf whose son enters a contest to meet his favorite hero and wins. The author’s Aizawa is really good, and the scenes with the reader’s son are very realistic for maternal love. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, reader character is a milf. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t updated in a while, but the premise is so cute I can’t not include it.

 suffer the signs by advantagetexas(Aizawa/Reader)

Complete – Baby’s first hanahaki. Honestly a very cute little hanahaki – no angst or sads, just two idiots in love. A nice quick read.

 But they're soft... by coffee_dessert (Aizawa/Reader)   

Complete – Aizawa gets turned into a cat by a villain’s quirk, and the reader character takes care of him until it wears off. I’ve heard this premise is popular? But I haven’t seen too too many, and this one is very well executed. Aizawa’s characterization is solid, and the pacing is very good. A very sweet read.

**no grave to hold my body down by Hawnks (supermintfluff) ( @hawnks)(Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Pro Hero Shinsou saves the reader character, and they keep running into each other. This one is a good character study on adult Shinsou, and Hawnks’ writing is always very clean and lovely. I recommend going through their entire selection.

Love Like You by Queen_Kai (Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Color Soulmate AU with a villain reader. Very cute, and I adore Shinsou’s characterization in this one. I honestly wish there was more, but it stands on its own very well.

Naruto

**Maid with Benefits by awolangel (Akatsuki/Reader)

WIP – Reader is hired to be a live-in maid to the Akatsuki, and also have lots of sex. This fic is hilarious, and so well characterized. The pacing is actually really good, as well as the development of all of the relationships. There are some characters that get more attention than others, but we do get a nice spread. Very fun escapism fic.

Moonshine by Victopteryx ( @ancharan) (HashiMada)

Complete – Prohibition Era Bootlegging AU. Author’s handle on both Madara and Hashirama is incredible (and they draw their own fanart, and it’s also incredible). A whole-ass meal.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 (Tobirama&Naruto Gen) 

Complete – Tobirama gets sent back in time due to an accidental jutsu, and is horrified at the way Konoha is run, and promptly Rampages over it. Wonderful catharsis for anyone who wondered why it was okay for a rich-ass old man to just leave an infant a welfare check and a shitty apartment and dip out on his development even though he has the equivalent of a nuclear warhead in his upper intestine.

Misc

**Clouds by moriamithril (Star Wars Rogue One, Cassian Andor/Reader)

Complete – Reader character is a handler/assistant type figure to Cassian over a series of missions. We get a lot of emotions in this one – we get the tenderness of caring for someone who is ill, we get devotion, we get yearning, we get delicious jealousy. Well written and lovely.

Fresh Coat by scrapmetal (The Mandalorian, Boba & Din Gen)

Complete – Fantastic Boba and Din, the Mando culture representation we deserve. I’m love.

**A Far Greater Sin (Reader version) by Yavannie (The Mandalorian, Din Djarin/Reader)

Complete – Reader is a healer, and builds a relationship with Mando over the course of a couple decades. Great pacing, great RC development, and the author’s Mando is quite good. The premise/setting gives me wicked fantasy vibes, even though it’s obviously In Space, but that’s definitely a draw.

who's gonna save us now (when the ashes hit the ground) by chancellor_valdez (Ready or Not, Grace/Daniel)

Complete – My favorite of the “Grace and Daniel Survive Together” subgenere, this one is very raw with its emotions. There’s a lot of hurt, and there’s a lot of self-harming coping mechanisms. Recovery is ugly, and the author did a very good job showing us that. And their ending was lovely.

not your garden variety demon lord by rizahawkaye (Inuyasha, SanSessh)

Complete – Sango takes care of Rin sometimes, and gets confused when Sesshoumaru brings her gifts. The author’s Sessh is so good, and it’s a great exploration of a relationship we don’t see much of.

Mine Enemy by Ayrith (Inuyasha, InuSan)

Complete – I love this fic, okay. Fantastic character study in Sango and a lot of the rougher parts of her that canon shied away from, and the author’s Inuyasha characterization is fucking great. Just go read this, yes.

Frozen Plus One by Meowzy (Frozen, HansAnna)

WIP – Troll AU, ie the trolls cursed Hans and that’s why he is That Way. Look, this author has done such a good job with all of the characters. Their voices are very distinct, and it’s not a reach at all to see how it could have gone differently. And we get some sweet HansAnnaKris action, and it is just as we deserve. Honestly, this fic is so well written, it deserves the world.

Knives In by anomalation (Knives Out, Marta/Ransom)

Complete – My favorite of the Pen Pals subgenre, this one is a fantastic slow burn. Ransom is really forced to face himself, and Marta is such a babe. Meg makes a few appearances, and her confusion over her place in the world is really well done. A great enemies-to-lovers.

It's Not Anxiety, It's a Parasite by squadrickchestopher (Venom, Queer Eye)

Complete – Look, I’ve mentioned before, but I love a good Queer Eye fic. Eddie gets what he deserves, and the symbiote couldn’t be more happy. So funny and clever.

You Find Yourself in a Maze by FloaromaMeadow ( @zombiekaiba) (S0 Atem Gen)

Complete – Very short and very poignant, the style is modeled after text-based command games. It fits super well with the Season 0 aesthetic, and there’s so much punch in each command.   

Gaud's Grinch x Tony Fix-it Fic by gaudy_writes ( @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)

WIP – Look, I know, all right. Just read it.

[weebsinstash]

But what if after the LOV take her, erasermic get her back???!!?!!?!!

Hm off the top of my head I would say one of two things:

1) they are just entirely unbelievably delusional about the whole thing. CLEARLY you only went because you were scared into it by those low-life scumbag Villains!!! They messed you up in the head so bad, you poor thing!! They even tricked you into thinking you were their friends! You're going to be under even stricter lock and key and babied to the point you'll wanna break out again just to have someone speak to you as an equal

2) similar to the first, they decide you were kidnapped and manipulated, but instead of channeling that energy into infantalizing you they're like... almost in a permanant bad mood. They're angry at those villains for taking you, angry at themselves for LETTING you be taken, and angry at the way you fought them when they were literally trying to rescue you. They strip away what little privacy have left, both to "protect" you and to monitor you. They may decide to lock you in a room when they aren't home, or even get you some kind of restraint on a tether where you can only move so far from one place, meaning that unless they get you a mini fridge or something you only get eat lunch whenever they get their break at work and commute back home. They'll be pretty distant emotionally, not talking to you as much as they used to. Is it because they're mad at you, or is it because they feel so guilty to were taken and hurt and may have even done villainous deeds because they couldn't protect you? Who's to say really

[dabistits]

To talk about Twice and villainy is to talk about class and criminality (II)

(Masterlist)

Poverty and crime in Japan

Despite Japan’s perception as a country with relatively low inequality, that reputation has somewhat suffered as capitalism advanced and the country faced economic downturns in the 1990s and 2000s. Japan still claims a high life expectancy, universal healthcare, and low infant mortality, but conversations about wealth have been ongoing: academic Sugimoto Yoshio records the changing discursive landscape that transformed Japan “from a uniquely homogeneous and uniform society to one of domestic diversity, class differentiation and other multidimensional forms.” Sugimoto describes the increasing discussion of a kakusa shakai, a disparity society, and the emergence of a karyu shakai—the underclass. Since Sugimoto’s article was published in 2010, [source] many issues of this kakusa shakai identified by him and academics from ten-plus years ago have persisted, such as the proliferation of non-regular workers (now comprising 15% of the labor force), [source] the growing wealth inequality being reflected in Japan’s aging population, and the increasing numbers of elderly poor. More recently, increasing attention has been devoted to the issue of child poverty, usually connected to the low incomes of single, working-class mothers. [source] In 2017, Japan’s relative rate of poverty rose to 16.3% (for comparison, the relative rate of poverty in the U.S. declined to 17.3%), and many non-regular workers expressed fears of getting sick and losing their jobs, remarking on their total lack of stability. [source] [source]

Reflecting working-class desperations worldwide, the most common crime in Japan throughout the Heisei era (1989-2019) was theft. Theft, particularly of material goods, should be thought of as a crime of need, arising out of a lack of a particular good and the money to pay for it. It’s a crime that points to a society with unmet needs, and an effort to criminalize those who try to have their needs met through their own power when social institutions refuse to help. It has long been asserted that the “concepts of "crime" are not eternal,” and that “the very nature of crime is social, and is defined by time and by place and by those who have the power to make the definitions.” The contested legality of abortion is a simple illustration of how definitions of “crime” are constantly in flux, constantly debated, and not at all intuitive or self-explanatory. Being able to label an action, a behavior, or a group of people “criminal” or “illegal” is an act of power, and people doing the labeling have a vested interest in determining what “crime” is. Activist Sabina Virgo, source of the previous quotes, elaborates: “The power to define is [...] the power of propaganda. [...] Most of us accept the images and definitions that we have been taught as true, neutral, self-evident, and for always; so the power [...] to define what is right and wrong, what is lawful and what is criminal, is really the power to win the battle for our minds. And to win it without ever having to fight it.” [source]

The choice to inscribe theft as a crime, as an act to be punished, is part of that propaganda. It’s the decision to criminalize poverty and to protect profit over people, rather than rightfully interpreting theft as a symptom of a dysfunctional system. In Japan, this looks like a large percentage of crimes getting committed by the elderly, particularly theft (90% of shoplifting offenders were elderly women), and a large percentage of incarcerated seniors, who by 2018 made up 12% of the prison population; on the other hand, the law is just beginning to address unethical workplace practices like overwork and power harassment, while facing a rising number of reports on domestic and sexual violence—the raw numbers of which are likely even higher than reported. [source] The difference between which acts are ruled criminal, and who gets criminalized for acting, lays stark the difference between the unethical actions undertaken by the powerful, and the criminalized actions undertaken by the powerless; the more an unethical act abides by and benefits entrenched systems of power, the more we are compelled to see it as normal and acceptable, whereas actions, however minuscule, that resist the hegemony of the capitalist class and reject its propaganda end overwhelmingly with more debt and prison time.

Family and class.

The socioeconomic forces that shift our societies are no less felt within the family structure, and family may be one of the first social units to see destabilization. In a world of increasing economic strife, it isn’t uncommon for parents to spend more hours working than at home, or even to travel abroad to provide for their family in their native country, to see traditional norms rewritten as children either move away or continue to live with their parents, as marriage and birth rates rise or fall, and as the elderly are either embraced back into the family structure or left to fend for themselves. Due to generational wealth, family is also often the determining factor for whether or not someone succeeds, to what degree, and with how much effort. Needless to say, when it comes to “class,” the topic of family receives much scrutiny as academics, journalists, and creators delve into the ways our notions of “family” shift according to time, class, and economics.

Consider that in Japan, and de facto in most countries in the world, the first and most important safety net in modern society is the family. “Public social protection schemes are based on the assumption that everyone is supported by family first,” [source] and this includes the assumption of financial assistance, and duties like procuring care for the family’s elderly. The Japanese family registry—the koseki—is a family tree that records births, deaths, and marriages, and is in many ways a codification of the centrality of family, bloodline, and inheritance. [source] When a character like Jin says that he’s “someone without roots,” perhaps our first impulse is to imagine it as a description of emotional relationships, a difficulty he experiences because others can’t relate to him, but it’s not purely an intangible feeling; there are very tangible repercussions to being “unrooted.” Without a stable family, “unrooted” people miss the safety net that family is supposed to be—they miss its protection. Under a system that expects the worst scourges of modernity to be alleviated by the family, this leaves the “unrooted” out in the cold.

These failures on the part of the traditional family structure to account for prosperity, whether it be through generational poverty, through abuse, or through instability and absence, often leads to a restructuring of these bonds. In Japan, “when the economic bubble burst and the recession exposed the illusion of permanent and stable employment for the diligent workforce, the children found that attaining a better living than their parents through hard work and better education was no longer guaranteed,” and once economic success was no longer guaranteed through traditional paths, children’s bonds “shifted to more individualized, voluntary ties.” [source] Of course, shifting economic conditions aren’t the only reason for non-blood-related individuals to come together—many also come from backgrounds of loss or rejection. As a columnist wrote: “Tragedy and suffering have pushed people together in a way that goes deeper than just a convenient living arrangement. They become, as the anthropologists say, “fictive kin.””

BNHA poignantly embodies these dynamics as Jin tearfully declares that the LOV gave him a “place to belong.” In Japanese, the term used is 居場所 (ibasho), a phrasing which contains the 居 kanji for “residing” or “residence,” as well as “to exist” (it reprises in “I was happy to be (居られて) here” in Jin’s final thoughts). A literal reading could render ibasho as a “place to reside,” or a “place to exist”—something offered only by the friends Jin made, who are a sanctuary from the public that overlooked his alienation, rendering him invisible and denying him existence. For their parts, the other villains are also marked by an ambiguous relationship to their biological family, if not an absence altogether. Himiko and Tomura, whose backstories were touched upon in the same arc, led contentious family lives: Himiko’s parents appeared to regularly condemn their child, and the repeated rebukes that Tomura (Tenko) endured from his father—including an incident of physical assault—resulted in the awakening of Decay and the deaths of his family.

These three were remnants of broken traditional families, scattered and largely isolated across the country. Originally united as a villain group bound loosely by similar goals, they eventually came to rely on each other for survival once the stability of All For One’s hideout and resources were stripped away, leaving them to face a hostile world saturated by incessant policing and villain power struggles. Mutual protection became not only necessary for survival, but necessary for triumph—the League of Villains are consistently shown to be at their best when working as a team, operating on a mixture of communication and even blind trust. Ironically, it’s only when they try to bring outsiders into the fold that the situation goes awry, suggesting that their strength isn’t in numbers or recruitment, but in the relationships they’ve built between one another, relationships that ultimately coalesced under the unpopular worldview that maybe there is nothing wrong with them, but something very wrong with the world. What the readers come to understand is that the LOV are no longer only convenient allies: they can best be understood as a residence for a group of outcasted people with similar experiences and outlooks, who finally found in each other the shelter that traditional family had failed to provide.

[autumn-foxfire]

Okay so I'm gon'na try and explain what I think villain stans are trying to say but are sort of failing at. The problem people have with how Hori wrote the LoV (and really only the Lov, cuz villain stans generally don't care about any other villains) is that alot of their characters and writing flaws into harmful stereotypes/tropes that can enforce harmful things. Like it Hawks wasn't ablest because he killed Jin. Jin was himself an ablest character. having the only canon mentality ill (1)

character as a violent villain who needed to be killed off for the public's safety, reinforces that mentally ill people are more dangerous then others, and totally goes against the reality that the mentally ill are far more likely to be abused and killed then the average person. The same goes for the Heroes. No they aren't police but they are defiantly performing very similar tasks as the police. Part of the problem people have with the Heroes is that they're not corrupt like cops in RL (2)

The fact they're shown as reasonable, good people just doing their best and that the violence they dish out is necessary plays into the trope of police/law enforcement having justified reasons to hurt/kill those that oppose them. By making all the villains who have some sort problem with the system killers with little regard for anyone, or with little plan past 'kill everyone' it furthers the idea that those that attack the system are either doing it for selfish reasons or so violent that (3)

what they have to say is undermined by that violence. I don't think it's unreasonable to bring up the sort of problematic tropes Horikoshi uses (and, yes this is a Japanese manga so of course it's going to be written differently but alot of those tropes started in American media so even if Hori doesn't know they are harmful it's fair to bring up where they come from) but I think alot of villain stans take the fact these are problematic tropes and decide weirdly act like the story both has (4)

these problems but totally endorse the characters like they're not written badly and get annoyed when people actually point out that story wise the Lov is wrong (which is what their problem is with the story--that the Lov are written as violent killers). I get that it's frustrating to see characters u see urself in be written as nothing more then killers and wish they had been written better, but by pretending that they aren't written that way in cannon, undercuts their point about them

being badly written in the first place. I also don't think it's fair to get angry at others who simply read the manga the way it was intended. Sure those are problematic elements but as long as people understand that, there's no reason to read what's on the page and say, yeah, Shigaraki is killer, or Hawks was right to kill Twice. In a way that type of reading just supports their idea more because it shows those tropes are working the way they were intended. Yet they're so focused on what they

they're so focused on the story they wanted that they forget to explain their problems with it in a understandable way, and a lot of times resort to just saying all Heroes are cops and should die, or acting like the story backs up their interpretations of said characters. In a way it seems they use it to feel morally superior to others then actually explain to them some of the problems the story has in a polite way, and admit other people have a point. Sorry this was so long.

Sorry for my late response! I haven’t been feeling the best lately T-T

Hmmm, I know that Horikoshi can use problematic stereotypes in his manga (such as how he draws trans people which has been brought up by others in the past) but call me stupid and/or naive but I just fail to see how Twice is an ableist character and that his portrayal says that all mentally ill people are dangerous and violent.

Not once was Twice labelled dangerous because of his mental illness from what I can recall, more so it’s just that he happened to be a dangerous man that was mentally ill. Maybe you can reach by saying that he was only considered a true threat after overcoming his trauma but surely that would then be the infantization of mentally ill people, not labelling them dangerous. There are issues with him being the only character to be portrayed with his type of mental illness but his illness was more to be a plot point then anything else (him being unable to use his quirk properly due to his past trauma) and he’s still not the only character to be mentally ill as we have Tamaki on the hero side. I have many issues with Twice and his portrayal of mental illness that I’ve expressed in the past but I just don’t see this being one of them.

As for the heroes using violence, I’m not sure why that’s such a massive complaint in a action shonen with heroes and villains. If people really wanted social commentary on why using force against criminals is bad, maybe they shouldn’t be reading BNHA that enforces that sometimes heroes have to resort to force because no other options to stop villains will work.

Also, the villains aren’t the only ones who have brought up issues with the system. We’ve had heroes question the discrimination against certain quirks (during Shinsou’s fight in the sports festival), we’ve had civilians question heroes and there ability to protect people (during the press conference after the training camp) and again we had Hawks draw attention to the issues in current system during his speech at the billboard charts. Just because the heroes and civilians aren’t as vocal about their complaints (or perhaps just like their trauma, they don’t make it central point of their character) doesn’t mean they’re completely complacent. It reminds me of that meme with the birds with the League being the bigger bird that talks over the smaller one, just because the League is louder doesn’t mean they’re the only ones talking about the issues.

Plus, I don’t see the issue of the League being written as killers. They’re the villains, they need to do something villainous in order to be so! Even if they bring valid points to the table, how they express them will always undermine them and that’s been a trope in manga/anime/books for years! We need to be able to relate to our villains as that’s how you know you have a good one (in my opinion). But that doesn’t mean they have to be excused for everything they’ve done. I just... I don’t know what people want from BNHA.

...Sorry my reply also got too long. Thank you for trying to explain this in a much clearer way then villain stans have in the past. I still don’t necessarily agree but I can at least try to understand their points.

[beerecordings]

I was thinking about that Therapy AU (ish. thing. question mark?) that you brainstormed a few months back, and I find myself wondering—which of the boys realized “oh hey, I should probably see a therapist” first? And what was the impetus? (Jackie. I’m asking about Jackie. I want to know the story behind how Jackie found his Alderian/Adlerian duder and why he sprung for it. Also the thing about who came first, but Jackie. My boy. Im lov him)

lol yeah you’re right it’s not so much an au as something that i’d like to be canon in just about every universe i come up with lollll. but yeah hm…

I think Henrik goes to see a therapist first because he’s been through literal hell and there’s no way he can handle any of this without professional help. and everybody knows that, you know, like… it’s easier to justify some reasons to go than others. so even though everybody probably needs it they’re all here like “oh GEEZ someone else has had it SO MUCH WORSE than me so HE’S going to therapy” and they all end up ganging up on Henrik with their love and support like “yeah bud you need to see somebody please we’re worried about you!!” and it’s hard to argue when he’s both physically and mentally exhausted so he just ends up letting them take him. he doesn’t have his existentialist therapist at first, that’s too intensive for his mental energy at the time, but he just sees a nice calm therapist who really helps him deal with some of the outstanding issues and find ways to hold on when he’s really bad off. and the others are all so excited and supportive but for some reason when he recommends they try it too, they seem to think he’s joking?

then Chase gets court-ordered to therapy and he’s like “FUCK fine!!” and it makes him sob his heart out every week and he feels so dumb and weak and stupid for like two months before he starts to come around to it. and it’s Henrik who really convinces him that it’s okay, and then eventually it actually starts to help?? and he gets to see the kids again!!! ahh!!! it’s a good time! he and Henrik start scheduling their appointments at the same time so they can get lunch together first and then walk home together too.

JJ gets pressured by the family to join them after he starts getting into some really bad habits like getting into fights and tearing his fists open beating up his punching bag and staring at his razor for long enough that Henrik gets scared and practically drags him there himself (he would not go but he hates to see Henrik so nervous and upset). Marvin has a complete breakdown after years of being the family tough guy without crying once in front of the others and they all get freaked out and ask him to go see somebody for their sake if nothing else (he would not go but when his little brothers look at him like that) and then Jackie is there like “good job guys! I’ll just be over here! love you! :)”

cause the thing is Marvin had convinced himself that he has to be tough enough to deal with everything he goes through in silence, but Jackie is WORSE because he’s just convinced himself he doesn’t have anything to deal with. He’s the big brother, first of all, so he just doesn’t have time for that, and he’s a hero, so nothing’s going to get to him anyway, of course. and then he just hasn’t been through as much as the others, right? Henrik and JJ with Anti, and Chase with his family, and his poor Marv must have been dealing with so much so quietly for so long, and if Jackie had just been a better brother to him he wouldn’t have HAD to do that, he wouldn’t have had to hide anything from anyone, he’d come to Jackie instead of hiding his problems but he doesn’t because he doesn’t trust him enough and that’s because of Jackie’s failures and ALL OF THIS IS JACKIE’S FAULT -

yeah, no, no problems! he’s good! he’s cruising! He doesn’t have it that bad he’s fine! he only struggles sometimes cause he’s a baby, right? he should toughen up, after all he heard Henrik sobbing last night and he has it so much worse, he’s been through so much, Jackie needs to look like everything’s okay so Henrik feels safe and calm. and then everything will be better and everything will be fine. once his brothers are fine, he’ll be fine.

and then his brothers are fine.

he stops, pauses, looks around.

Chase is out with the kids, sober for a year straight. JJ’s just got a new job and he seems happy and well-adjusted. Henrik’s showing his scars without freaking out and has been dealing with his panic attacks well. Marvin admits he had a bad day but says he’s going to make tomorrow a better one! Jackie’s never heard him say anything like that in his life and he seems to mean it, what the hell is happening?

all his brothers are fine and he’s still not… what is happening…. if everyone’s okay why does he still feel so bad about himself?

The others want to go to family therapy now. Apparently JJ’s therapist keeps recommending it because so many of his issues come back to worrying about upsetting the others, and then Marvin’s therapist agrees, and they’re all pretty comfy with therapy by now, and they want to go, they want to try it. and of course he’s not going to turn them down!! yeah, they need him to be the calm big brother in the room, keeping everything together, making sure they’re all safe? of course! he’ll come and support them all!! he’s a little bit terrified at the very prospect but they need this so he’ll do it, he can do it! for their sake. if it’s for their sake it’s okay, it’s permissible, and it’s not weak because it’s not for him, it’s for them.

and then they get in there and it’s so much messier than he expected. first of all the therapist right away goes “so everyone is seeing a therapist personally but you, Jackie” and he goes hot red and feels all his brothers looking at him and makes up something about not needing that and he sees Henrik turn away from him when he says it. and then she keeps trying to draw him into it and he hates that, this wasn’t what he planned, he just wanted to sit here and tell everyone they were doing great!! and then, oh, hell, everything is coming out. everything is coming bleeding out of his brothers and it’s messy and it’s ugly and he’s not a bystander, he’s a part of it, they even say his name sometimes, they even seem to accuse him sometimes. it’s not what he expected, it’s not at all what he expected, it’s not Chase going “I’m sad sometimes when you’re sad Marvin” and Marvin going “oh no I’m sad when you’re sad let’s work on this :’((” it’s like Jameson saying “I can’t tell any of you ANYTHING because half the time you treat me like an infant and the other half of the time you get so upset that even though I want to confide in you I can’t because I know it’ll send you all spiraling, I feel like I’m not allowed to be fucking suicidal but I am and I can’t trust any of you to deal with me - ” and then before he knows it Jackie is fucking sobbing in the therapy room so hard they all have to be done for the day and JJ is sitting there staring at him like he’s just proven his point and the guilt comes crashing down and he feels like he’s dying and he REFUSES to go back next week.

they’re all upset and JJ won’t talk to him. he WON’T go back to that, that was so horrible and humiliating, he’s not doing that again, he’s NEVER trying therapy again.

his brothers go to family therapy without him. that’s fine. that’s good. they’re allowed to. he waits for things to go back to normal.

they don’t.

JJ never talks to him anymore, not about the things that matter. He says there’s no bad blood between them and most likely that’s true, but the fact is he just doesn’t trust him. can’t confide in him. Jackie starts to feel sick every time they’re together, wondering if his baby brother is suicidal right now and just hiding it from him, sitting there doing his embroidery with a movie playing on the couch, thinking about killing himself. Jackie’s starting to get upset more often. Jackie’s starting to crumble. everyone is fine, for the most part. he doesn’t want to upset that. doesn’t want to put the burden of himself on their shoulders. he’s being such a fucking baby. why is he crying himself to sleep again every night? why did he have to go hide in the bathroom for five minutes at the restaurant yesterday because someone said the word antifreeze? why does Chase teasing him about taking the last piece of cake make him want to die so badly? why isn’t he ever happy anymore? Marvin asks him if he wants to go to the arcade and he doesn’t, he isn’t up for it. energy’s gone. hasn’t had much for a long time but he could bury the exhaustion from their sight and that was all that matters. Jamie accidentally cuts his thumb one day in the kitchen and Jackie wants in and sees the blood dripping onto his wrist and he loses it, he loses it, he’s screaming, he’s shouting at JJ, and Jameson just stands there and takes it, Jameson stands there staring at him when everybody else is shouting at Jackie to cut it out, stop it, what the hell Jackie? Jamie is still standing there in silence when Jackie has a full meltdown on the kitchen floor, followed promptly by a miserable, silent, exhausted shutdown that lasts for two days afterwards.

he goes back to family therapy. it isn’t really working. he’s really tired and sad and every time someone tries to confront him about an issue in their family he might be involved in he immediately starts crying and apologizing again and again, taking all the blame on his shoulders, promising them they didn’t do anything wrong even if they did, not accepting comfort or apologies from any of them, everything’s his fault, he promises he’ll fix it, he’ll never go out on patrol again if that’s what they want. and it’s so uncomfortable for everyone and soon family therapy starts turning into “tip-toeing around Jackie while Jackie feels miserable and gets worse” and their therapist tells them this isn’t working anymore.

You need to go to a therapist, they start telling him.

I’ve been going with you all the time, he says.

No, they say, you need to go to a therapist.

Oh.

Well, he can’t do that.

Well, why not? Huh?

Because he just can’t.

Because that’s not who he is.

Why isn’t it who he is?

Jackie, why?

Jackie, say something, say anything.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Because he’s not allowed to be that. He’s not allowed to need help. He’s got to keep them safe - you don’t - I do!

fuck’s sake, Jackie. You can’t keep doing this anymore. You just can’t.

I know, he says. I know.

but he won’t go even when it’s all sitting out in the open and everyone’s staring at him like they’re waiting for him to shatter into glass because the family therapist was not what he needed and he’s scared of the questions and the feeling of being torn apart and the conflict and the sadness and he thinks all therapy’s like that and it’s not for him and he won’t go. and then one day sweet little brother number three comes and lays down with him and hugs him real tight and puts himself right there in Jackie’s arms so his big brother gets to hold him and push their heads together and hear his heartbeat and feel him rubbing at his shoulder. and Chase has probably waited for a soft calm night to tell him this but there’s this really cool thing his therapist recommended for Jackie’s sake where you don’t have to talk at all in therapy if you don’t want to. they just give you this great sand and you can run your hands all over it and then they get all these like toys and models and things out and they ask you questions like “tell me about a time when you were happy” and you just have to build, man, and work from there. and he knows he’s been so sad and tired lately and he wants him to try it because he loves him and didn’t Jackie used to try and convince him to go too?

and you wouldn’t see me as a failure if i went? and you wouldn’t think you had to take care of me? and it wouldn’t be weird for you? and you wouldn’t make fun of me for it? and nobody would ask me too many questions? and i could just build?

and Chase gives him a lot of no’s and one good solid yes, yeah, bud, you can just build, and Jackie goes two weeks later and sits down with the sand and the toys in front of him and just lets it all go and, in plastic houses and little figurines that remind him of his family and the cool soothing weight of the sand in his hands, he tells the truth at last, without ever speaking once.

plus his therapist is really funny and sweet and positive and warm with him. and she keeps going “just between you and me” and he grins and knows he can tell her anything and it doesn’t have to come back and hurt his brothers at all if he doesn’t want it to, he can even say Forbidden Horrible things like “it makes me angry when he does this” or “I wanted to kill that man that night and it scared me how strong I was” and “sometimes I think I’m just as much a mistake as Anti was” and slowly, slowly, they start to work on it. and he learns to apologize respectfully and fairly, without being accidentally manipulative, and he learns to take care of them in a way that he couldn’t before, and he learns that he’s important too, and needed and loved, even if he isn’t strong or positive or perfect every day of every year.

they start going back to family therapy once he’s ready. they keep getting more and more tools to help them put themselves and each other back together again. it’s a good fit after all.

[pocket-luv101]

Happiness || Chapter 7

Fandom: Servamp Characters: Mahiru, Kuro, Licht, Hyde Pairings: KuroMahi (main), LawLicht (side)

Summary:  Mahiru found a baby in front of his orphanage and he thought that it belonged to Kuro. But the infant could be the key to finding his lost mother. {Historical Romance// Family AU}

Ch.1 || Ch.2 || Ch.3 || Ch.4 || Ch.5 || Ch.6 || (Ch.7) ||

“Look here, Machi.” Mahiru shook a rattle in front of the toddler. She laughed and reached forward to take the toy in her tiny hands. Machi leaned forward a little too much and she almost flopped onto the ground. He caught her before she could hit her head on the ground and helped her sit up. He placed the rattle in front of her and she cheered.

“She has the balance of a baby deer and I keep worrying that she’ll fall on her face or something.” Kuro commented as he watched Machi play with the rattle. He had to wonder if she knew that they were referring to her since she pointed her rattle at him. He couldn’t understand her babbles but Mahiru seemed to be able to. Mahiru helped her move closer to Kuro. She pushed herself up but she merely swayed back and forth as if she was about to crawl forward.

“I wonder when she’ll start to crawl.” Kuro said. “Our father kept me separated from my siblings so I don’t have many memories from when we were this young. He thought we all needed to focus on our role in the family. I’m the oldest so he expected me to take the title of duke. If only he was alive to see me here instead of our country house.”

“That’s the role he wanted for you but you’re a better brother than a duke. You are close with Lily and Hyde respects you.” Mahiru knew that family was important to Kuro. He had told him about his past when they were together. “Machi will learn things at her own pace. I don’t know what kind of environment she lived in before but she’s thriving in your home.”

Kuro was certain that Machi’s smile was caused by Mahiru’s influence more than the house. He had the unique ability to bring out people’s best. He watched him lift Machi and lightly bounced her in his arms. The small gesture made her laugh and she clapped her tiny hands. She looked around and waved towards a pile of books. “Machi is a curious cat, isn’t she?”

“She’ll cause a lot of trouble when she starts to crawl. I don’t know if I can handle that.” Kuro said and chuckled lightly. He took a book and opened it in front of her even though she couldn’t read it. She struggled to turn the pages and crumbled the paper in her hand. “We should get her some children books. They might help her sleep at night.”

“I’ll be here to help you, Kuro.” Mahiru smiled at him. “You’re a night owl and I’m a morning person so we can split up taking care of Machi well. How about you read to her at night and I’ll cook breakfast.”

Kuro recalled the mornings they would share when they were lovers. He would wake to hear Mahiru humming softly as he cooked breakfast for them. After they broke up, he missed those simple mornings. It felt right to have Mahiru fill his days again but he reminded himself that he couldn’t forget the reason he left. Life with him would be difficult for Mahiru and he deserved better.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. They weren’t expecting Hyde to return until the afternoon since he offered to help the orphanage. Kuro wondered if one of his siblings had decided to visit like Hyde had. His butler went to answer the door and Kuro stood to greet the visitor. He didn’t recognize the woman the butler escorted into the room though.

“My, you have grown so big, Ash! Where is your brother, Lawless? He wrote me a letter but he isn’t here. I thought I taught him better manners than to leave his elders waiting.” She said and patted his head. Her eyes fell onto Mahiru and asked, “Are you going to introduce your nanny to your friend here?”

“Reika?” Kuro hadn’t seen the woman since he was a child so he didn’t recognize her immediately. They sat on the couch and he told Mahiru: “This is Reika. She was my siblings’ nanny and she helped raised us after our mother disappeared. Reika, this is Mahiru Shirota. He’s my lov— my friend. Mahiru is helping me with a few things.”

“And what about this tiny girl? I don’t remember raising this little one but she must be a Servamp. She has red eyes.” Reika said and pinched Machi’s cheek. While she wasn’t hurt, she began to cry and turned to Mahiru. He started to comfort her but then Reika took her from him. She cooed down at Machi. “Don’t cry.”

Machi only sobbed louder and Mahiru attempted to take her back. The woman turned away from him and he bit his lip in frustration. He didn’t want to yell at her but he could see that the stranger was making Machi more uncomfortable and scared. He was also worried he would accidentally hurt Machi if he took her back by force. Mahiru was glad when Kuro spoke up.

“Can you hand her back to Mahiru? Machi isn’t good with strangers.” Kuro nodded towards Mahiru who held out his arms for Machi. Reika appeared reluctant but she placed Machi in his arms. Her tears slowed to a stop as he rubbed her back and comforted her. Machi rubbed her eyes against his shoulder a few times and then Mahiru gently wiped away her tears.

“It was my job to care for the Servamps for ten years so I simply jumped to work when she started to cry. I think of them as my own children. I didn’t mean to scare you, Little One. Did you say her name was Machi?” She asked. Mahiru nodded instead of answering her because he was focused on Machi. He softly sang to her and she began to mumble along with him.

He looked back to the woman when she said, “I don’t know of the Shirota household.”

“I’m not from a noble family. I help run the orphanage where Kuro decided to adopt Machi. Kuro is great with the kids at the orphanage but he never raised a child before. I offered to help him with Machi. Kids need a warm home so I’m glad Machi found one with Kuro.” He told her. While the woman worked for the family, he wasn’t certain if he should tell her everything about Machi and Kuro’s mother.

“Oh?” Reika’s tone became dismissive. “Kuro, shouldn’t you be more selective when you hire the help? You must be more careful with who you let into your house because of your family’s name. People will question why you let a common man care for your daughter, even if she is adopted.”

“Reika, that’s enough.” He stopped her before her words could offend Mahiru further. From the way Mahiru turned his face away from them, he knew that she had already hurt him. Kuro’s anger rose slightly and he instinctively felt protective of him. At the same time, he felt guilty that his title had led to him being judged. He had left Mahiru to protect him but he was still hurt in the end.

Kuro placed his hand on Mahiru’s shoulder and said, “Mahiru works with kids and he’s a great man. You’ve already seen how comfortable Machi is with him. I would like to know why you came today, Reika. Hyde told us that he sent letters to our former staff but he didn’t say anything about you would be visiting us. Is there something you needed to tell us in person?”

“Hyde asked about your mother. He wrote that he would prefer us to reply in a letter but I knew I had to come down. When your mother disappeared, he was the most determined to find her again. I thought he gave up since he stopped speaking with us on the matter. Something must’ve happened for him to make him resume his search. Now that I’m here, I can see why.”

Her eyes moved from Mahiru to the child in his arms. He thought that she had realized that Machi was connected to their mother and he stiffened. Mahiru placed his hand on her hair protectively. Reika made a sad smile and said, “You want your adoptive daughter to know her grandmother. I will tell you where your mother is.”

“You know what happened to Mother? You didn’t tell Hyde when he asked a decade ago or during the police’s investigation.” Kuro’s eyes widened. It was rare for him to raise his voice but, as he thought of the years that he spent mourning his mother, he couldn’t stop himself. The anger he held faded once Mahiru placed his hand on his shoulder. Machi mimicked Mahiru and patted Kuro’s arm.

Reika sat down on the couch and sighed. “Your mother was the one who commanded I keep that night a secret. Now that you’re all adults, I think I can tell you. As you know, your mother and father married for political reasons. That is quite normal considering their family name. But… Your mother fell in love with another lord. She ran away with him to France.”

“She left us?” He couldn’t hide his doubt from his voice. “Mother wouldn’t have left her eight children and make them think she was dead.”

“You called her your mother but she wasn’t the one who raised you. I was.” Reika stood and walked to Kuro. She tried to embrace her but he stepped away from him her. She frowned and added: “I lost contact with your mother after she moved to France so I can’t prove she’s there. But it’s the truth. Kuro, you must be disappointed but you need to be strong for your family. That’s your role as heir.”

“Excuse me,” Mahiru spoke over her. He stepped between them with his back turned to the woman so he could focus on Kuro. Tenderly, he stroked his cheek and then he held out Machi to him. Kuro didn’t say a word but he held the baby when he passed her to him. Mahiru faced Reika again and said, “It’s time for Machi’s nap. Kuro is the only one who can make her put her to sleep. I’ll show you out, Reika.”

“I was hoping I could stay a little longer since it has been so long since we’ve last talked.” She said but she let Mahiru lead her to the door. On the steps, Reika turned back to him. “Hyde’s letter surprised me but the fact that Kuro adopted a child is more shocking. I raised him and I never imagined him as the type to want a family.”

“Maybe you don’t know him as well as you like to think. From my time with Kuro, I can tell you that his siblings and family has always been important to him.” He didn’t hide the edge in his voice. Mahiru thought of how callous she was as she told Kuro about his mother. He took a deep breath to calm himself. “If you learn more about where Kuro’s mother, please come back and tell us. You should apologize to Kuro for disrespecting his mother as well.”

“You’re bold for someone without a title to his name.” She had a slight smile as she said the words. “Kuro hired you to help take care of his new daughter and I hope you understand your position.”

“The only thing I want is to help Kuro and Machi.” Mahiru told her and closed the door. For a moment, he leaned against the wood and let out a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes and tried to gather his composure after the conversation they had with Reika. He heard Kuro’s voice from the next room where he was singing to Machi. The meeting must’ve been more difficult for Kuro.

He walked to the living room and paused in the doorway. Kuro cradled Machi in his arms and she was sleeping soundly. The quaint sight warmed his heart but, even from a distance, he could see the conflicting emotions in his eyes. Mahiru walked forward and stood in front of him. He whispered, “Are you okay, Kuro? I’ll put Machi in her crib and we can talk.”

“I was hoping to get more answers but not I’m not sure if I should’ve. I don’t know how Hyde will react to this news.” Kuro glanced at the clock and dreaded the time when his brother would return. He wasn’t the best with words.

“At least he’ll hear it from you and you’ll take his feelings into account when you tell him. That means a lot.” Mahiru was more confident in him than Kuro himself. He smiled to reassure him and then stepped closer. Kuro felt his heart squeeze from how close he was. He merely slipped Machi from his arms and he took her to a baby swing.

Kuro felt a little disappointed when he stepped away but he reminded himself that he couldn’t let his feelings for Mahiru resurface. Mahiru walked back to him and sat on the couch. After Kuro sat down, he said: “Your family’s nanny said your mother went to France with her lover. How did Machi find her way to our small village if what she says is true? Someone brought her here and they’ll know more.”

“Hyde and Licht said a man tried to take Machi the previous day. He might be the father.” Kuro said but he couldn’t fully absorb the fact that his mother left his family willingly. “Reika claimed she left with a lord. I can’t recall news of a lord disappearing around the same time as my mother though. Then again, there were so many rumours that it was hard to keep up with all of them.”

“We can talk to Hyde and Lily about who the lord could possibly be. They might know more.” Mahiru offered the reassurance. He placed his hand on his leg and looked up at him. “Reika might’ve been mistaken when she told you why your mother left. You know your mother and she’s caring. Maybe she had a good reason for leaving.”

“I don’t want Machi to grow up wondering like I had to.”