#i live to exist for someone else i think
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
when zuck algorithm PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE! cuz this was me! truly this was me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#amandathoughts#im screaming#im going to make this my background#cuz girl im so fucken stupid#i REALLY HOPED#WITH ALL MY STUPID HEART#I'D TRY TO MAKE IT ALL WORK#STUPID STUPID#AND IM STILL SAD OVER THIS#IM SO FUCKEN SAD#(but i am not crying anymore so thats good)#trying to come back to myself#but im not the type of person to be self motivated? like i need to be helping someone else to make my life worth it??#i live to exist for someone else i think#(despite me moving sooo fucken far from my family and living here being lonely as shit)
0 notes
Text
(tsfs feels anyone? fanart below.)
You've been in his head.
But he says, never faltering, the words,
"I choose the danger."
It is in that moment that you understand:
He could never, would never,
Has never hated you.
Now you realize:
this is what humans refer to as love.
#star trek#star trek fanart#spones#spones fanart#but like not NECESSARILY you know i think their relationship is a very close one in general. and this scene#isn't indicative of any particular individual type of love. just love the way it matters (all of it does.)#my other roman empire...#look this is what i mean when i say i love when love isn't perfect. because it never is#love takes different forms and shapes and moulds itself to the people who grow into each other's crevices and cracks#there's no ONE perfect way to love so that it's called love. love isn't perfect but what it is is growing with someone else.#and they're imperfect and they are SO so good about that. They're so special to me for that reason#something something teaching each other about what it means to exist in this world. mellowing each other out.#seeing the ugliest most uncomfortable parts of each other at first glance and despite that LEARNING to find the shape of each other--#in their hearts and in their lives and in their worldviews.#i would choose the danger...(i would choose you. i would choose you again and again and again even though we arent perfect)#i would love you until the rough parts of me understand the rough parts of you#i think that's cool.#leonard mccoy#bones mccoy#spock#dust medibang paints#dust talks#the search for spock#star trek poetry#i dunno but it feels right.
101 notes
·
View notes
Text
good ending! gay love pierces through the veil of death yet again✌🏼
something something man is god to a dog ft. kuwameshi
I'm Your Man, Mitski
#kuwameshi#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#urameshi yusuke#i'm your man#lyric edit#me when yusuke is a dog but kuwabara is his dog in that yusuke's his man and kuwa looks to him with adoration and trust#even if he dies giving him that trust it doesn't falter. crazy#yusuke is sorry just so sorry to be on the receiving end of that because what happens when he ultimately fails?#he wishes kuwa would've picked someone else. someone better. bc even if he wins it's a loss. bc kuwabara is gone.#but ending on angst when kuwa isnt even dead sucks so happy ending!!#''i deserve it. don't i?'' it's still a question at the end. leaving kuwa to decide. because yusuke trusts him too.#trusts his judgement of yusuke. and of course he'd be pardoned#kuwa's very survival is his pardon. the question is answered. they both live. they love.#there's tons i could say on the thought process that went into each cap but yknow. yapping lmao#sorry if this is lame or wtv i just couldn't stop thinking about it#i got all the screencaps from the source! i was about to painstakingly take screenshots but they already exist yay!!#qeued post
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
to my fellow creatives: never stop making art. art is an act of protest.
#i know that this is outside of what i normally post but a few days have passed and i've had time to think#the results of the US elections are hitting me really hard. i feel so gutted and betrayed and have no idea who the hell to trust anymore#so with that being said#I just want it to be abundantly clear that I am anti-Tr*ump and if you voted or support him in any way just unfollow me#actually do me a favor and block me#you do not deserve to read and enjoy art made by me if you think i don't deserve the right to fucking exist.#support black lives#free palestine#very fucking pro-choice#queer lives matter#disabled lives matter#i dislike the performative act of providing a list like this is a menu at a restaurant but i want there to be NO DOUBT where i stand.#there are many others who are more qualified and smarter than me to speak but i want to make it very clear to my followers where i stand.#and before someone says 'keep politics out of art' shut the actual fuck up. art and consuming art is and always will be political#and the only art worth anything is made by people like me and people who I love and support#and don't think it's only the US. the issues we have here are just as present in canada europe and asia and everywhere else.#there's so much more that i could say but that's all for now. my inbox is open.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
honestly wally is stronger than atlas. if i had to constantly calibrate to the nature of my reality w/ full consciousness i would simply lose my fucking mind
#like babies dont Think while they learn how to exist#imagine straight up spawning fully aware and then everyone else is up to speed but youre standing there like#🧍♂️uh. hello. what is everything. what is this. huh????#LIKE???? i feel so bad for him. dude got dropped right into the middle of the ocean and was told 'learn to swim'#and hes trying. but he doesnt know what drowning is so he cant sink either#i mean i get it at least a little bit! its the Autism Experience but w/ him the dial is cranked up to a thousand#you dont know what you dont know but life goes on like you should. fuck#wally i am mentally beaming you a thousand apples grown in the shape of hearts#i believe in you dude you'll figure it out#well. im probably beaming apples into the past if the time discrepancy is real but yk yk#cause if it is then Current Wally probably has a solid handle on things. from a basic standpoint#in a wider lens i am led to believe that he is Scrabbling#is this speculation???#i think it counts.#wh speculation#homebogging#whenever i think about the tidbits we know - ex: wally learning about differences in size#internally i start howling. wally is just constantly dealing with things that would drive a person insane if they had to live it#how is he not Exhausted... it's all so much for someone who knows whats going on let alone someone scrambling to catch up#at least the other neighbors dont have to deal with memorizing physics and skills and behavior#and just Literally Everything That Comes With Being Alive#wally is a blank slate left to write itself.#ough. damn. fuck. i think i need to go stare into the woods for a bit...
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
I need to sleep fr dawg
Anyway, I wish someone would do this for me
#eepity sleepity#I must#sleeping#ig#idk fucking shit man#I’m gonna regret posting this tomorrow I’ll tell you that much#live laugh love lesbians#johnnyboy#I need to find someone to smooch me on the mouth fr#probably will fix my pathetic fuckin pining#bleh#idk what I mean by fix and no I’m not elaborating#I just#I don’t have fuckin anyone to hug me like that dawg#it’s a. lonely existence#I’m always pushing people away when I really don’t want to#i really just need to.#hold someone#idk#it fixes me in a way I can’t explain#when it helps someone else it helps me#dawg#I think that’s my love language#sorry for the vent#vent
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
tarlos + their couch……..tarlos + the comfort of their home……tarlos + some of the most romantic, funny, sweet, endearing, and healing moments happening in the space they’ve curated together…….
#thinking thoughts tn i guess!#like s3 had some lovely ones but can we discuss this in s4???#my hot mess…..searching for lou ii moments after he comes home…..the 🤨😊 moment at the 126 hang….SOULMATE?……#the officiant search???!!!!#idk i just love the throughline that’s come together between them and love languages but also them and their space. their home.#and the way they exist there#ALSO something abt owen pointing out that alex and tk never lived together#and then tk comes to austin and finds home in so many ways (2x02 and ‘go home’ and tk going to carlos’ hello)#how home was something in-transit for them and you can see how carlos always left a space in the townhouse#for someone else. for family. and now they have one together that hosts their family blood and chosen#that allows them to be so surrounded constantly by love#tarlos#911ls
57 notes
·
View notes
Note
We are all afraid of something...
I wonder what Prince Gumball's biggest fear would be?
There's an episode (Five short tables I think) where it shows that he's afraid of dying alone/his own mortality to some extent. I imagine that because he's long-lived and most likely has watched many people die before him, he's scared that there won't be anyone else by *his* side when it's his turn. There's no way of knowing when or how, he wouldn't be ready for it, so that's probably double scarier for him. He's an anxious fella
#tag rambling MMMMM MY FAVORITE#this made me think if Gumball is actually just long-lived or if he'd become something like the Mother Gum after enough centuries have passed#triple scary then because other than Neddy(Nelly?) he's the only gum humanoid in Ooo that we're aware of#so what if the deal with the Mother Gum is like... She releases this tiny gum things (or they're released by themselves) into the wild#and good luck baby you better survive if you want our species to continue existing 😄#He and Nelly survived but what if he dies before reaching a Mother Gum-state. and alone on top of that bc that must be a scary process#And if he dies then that means Nelly is alone. and probably would go through that alone too#I think he's also scared of not having anyone to take care of everything he left behind if he dies#and to reassure his people and loved ones that everything will be fine despite his absence#now I'm thinking about the way i portray him because I make it sound like he's “unworried” about his own life & wellbeing#he gets stabbed and he's just like “it's okay don't worry about it” BUT what if he does worry and like..#he knows it won't kill him so he doesn't panic but he might panic if he realizes that he got stabbed a little too close to a vital spot#but at the same time he won't if there's someone else with him because if he panics they'll panic and everyone panics#and he needs to be the bigger person at all times and and#does this make sense or am i just yapping#anyway I love you Gumball i just threw my English out the window to talk about your issues with death 🫶#fionna and cake#prince gumball
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
pisses me off so bad when people reduce gale’s “obsession” w mystra w “shut up abt your ex, off to the sofa w you”. 😭😭😭 like if its a joke, i guess i cant stop you even if it isnt that funny, but when theyre serious abt hating gale/his romance arc bc he mentions mystra too often… like bro, mystra was his entire life for anywhere from 13-30+ years of his existence. gale’s whole value as a person became defined by his skill in magic. his relationship w mystra dominated every aspect of his life, his career, his romantic/sexual life, literally everything. his whole purpose was to serve mystra. he had literally less than a handful of other deep real relationships that were with anyone Other than mystra. his whole self-worth was so shaped by only having being archwizard, a chosen of mystra, to offer, that when mystra tells him to kill himself, he has to be talked out of it over the course of a whole act of the game. bc hes never known how to be a worthwhile person outside of his relationship w mystra. so like, can you blame him for talking abt mystra a lot???? theres no way to avoid how deeply mystra sculpted gale’s whole psyche. it would be flat out dishonesty for gale to pretend otherwise. everyone is shaped by their past, gale was shaped by his relationship w mystra, that’s just how people work and theres no point in trying to escape it
#june speaks#and i think its that amatonormative idea that a romantic partner has to be the One True Only Person Ever That Matters. you want to be gale’s#partner but pretend that he never had this whole other relationship bc they think it challenges the strength of the love that gale has for#tav. or anyone else but mystra for that matter. like she took the spot of his first true love and now if he ever dares mention that he cared#abt her once then it means he doesnt really care abt tav. but loving another person doesnt mean that this current romantic love is any less.#love doesnt have to be confined to only one person for your entire life. loving multiple people across life just means you experienced the#way love changes you multiple times. again it doesnt mean the love you have now for someone new is any less true and devoted and heartfelt.#and this is even just talking abt how gale loved mystra for so long before they broke up. when you get into the way mystra groomed gale to#live his whole existence in service of only her from such a young age making him feel like being her chosen was the only way he would be#loved… OF COURSE HE THINKS ABT HER A LOT!!! SHE LITERALLY GROOMED HIM!!!! WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT???#bg3
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
What if the rot is a part of ascension
#this is for my cotl rw crossover au im thinking about tbh#like.#hhhg#what if the rot WAS curable.#but only in the early stages because. who would let it get that bad#(enter narinder who cant communicate for the LITERAL life of him#and nobody really talks about the rot because nobody wants to remember it#and then most of the other gods died. those who would have are gone. all thats left are the bishops#and the bishops arent all knowing. knowledge and its spread would slow waaay down#hey i wonder what killed all those gods anyway#(lineaging? do you think narinders ascension as god of Death introduced Karma and Lineaging?)#8communications#(or was it someone else?)#(how did death exist before narinder? were those the systems they lived by before him or only after)
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh to have the time and energy (and equipment) to make multihour video essays about extremely niche topics
#(i need to rewatch full 9 seasons of a show (200+ episodes) as research for a video I NEED to make one day)#i live in fear that someone else will think of it by the point i get to it hence why I never specifically said anywhere I wanna make it#but its so incredibly niche it's very unlikely#i haven't even looked into if a similar video already exists because i WILL mourn it like an unborn child if someone makes it before me#yes i just finished watching the james somerton hbomberguy video why u asking#okay so i checked and there are a couple of people who all have less than 10 minute long videos about a PART of what I want to talk about#I practically want to amp up that research about 20 times and then draw seemingly ridiculous conclusions about the show#that will make sense if i explain myself
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
the way people think about things on here is wild. I went into the comments of a post so I know this is my own fault but they put a tldr on something three sentences long "for our friends with short attention spans" girl that's not a good thing. even if you know and understand why your attention span is short and it's something largely out of your control you have to work on that. that's like. adult skills. you need the attention span to do boring, repetitive, distasteful tasks because there are boring repetitive distasteful tasks that need to be done if you are to live comfortably that don't feel as good as the thing you want to do but have to be done anyway.
#.txt#a lot of people on here treat neurodivergence and mental illness as a curse wrought upon them by god for which there is no means#of existing under the throes of like girl I think you need to put on your big boy pants and realise that radical acceptance of symptoms#isn't going to clean your toilet#you identify symptoms to mitigate the ways in which they impact your life not so that you have something else to stew about#your symptoms arent your friends who have been with you this whole time they are things that make it hard for you to live#as someone with ocd it's actually really easy to see your symptoms as the means by which you need to experience the world#when actually you're just being obsessive compulsive on account of the disorder#I don't need to indulge my paranoia I need to find a way to kill it so that I can function around other people for long stretches of time#so that groceries and work can be done
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
why are trump supporters all Like That
#i can't even say it's all republicans atp because it's NOT it's like specifically his weird ass cult followers#and almost all the women look the exact same too white middle aged blonde wears either tons of makeup or none and pink camouflage#when i say Like That i mean not even just the republican part of it i mean the fact that they are so dead set on being right#all the time no matter what and can't accept ever being wrong#and they are so defensive about this country like omfg why can you criticize every other country#but the SECOND someone criticizes the usa they're evil#like do y'all hear yourselves? oh my god???#“but we're the greatest country in the world” EVERY PATRIOT IN EVERY COUNTRY THINKS THAT THEIR COUNTRY IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD#anyway#i am unable to vote due to my living situation but i am begging you to vote blue if you are able 💙#vote blue#harris walz 2024#kamala harris#tim walz#if you like that orange fuck and you bring yourself into my replies i'm not even going to engage in a debate with you you're getting blocked#also why are they so obsessed with white pride... they're like “because people are taught to feel ashamed for being white” nnnooooo???#when did that happen#i'm white i don't feel ashamed for being white and i don't feel proud of being white i feel like i'm just a person? who exists???#like everyone else????
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
you all wanting to bang the robots while I'm here wondering if there's any way to grant true freedom to a machine. and if I cannot bring free will, freedom to a machine tied by its false sentience and programming; then how am I supposed to know what freedom is if i am myself a slave of something greater like them.
#i am a human being#but when the human being becomes a man they sacrifice their freedom for order#sometimes i feel im another block on the wall moving freely in my little world in my little space#and everything i do and think is alright as long as it doesnt brush with the borderds of someone else's block and cause conflict#and when there isnt structure nor society the man begins to transpass the borders to cause harm#to deny the other's existence in exchange of personal benefit#at the very core of all that exists and understands that living is the only thing that brings you freedom#survival is all that matters#and while you fight to still being free youre once again being a slave of something greater#things that make me believe freedom doesnt exist
36 notes
·
View notes