#i know we're literally talking about alien sex

[paynomindtotheinsanity]

Now that the spice is finally happening, engagement on here has gone waaay up - which is amazing!!

HOWEVER, some people have been getting kinda weird with the asks, so I've got a few rules moving forward:

1. I'm not going to answer messages about smut unless it's either plot-related or funny.

2. Drawing requests are okay to make, just know that I probably won't get around to them.

3. If I haven't answered a message, sending it 3-5 more times is not going to magically prompt me to answer. Please don't spam my inbox.

Okay, back to the shenanigans!

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

we're in love - m. murdock

a/n: hi guys not dead just played a LOT of baldurs gate over break and now im back ay college with matt murdock brainrot this ones been floating around the old noggin a while. sorry. likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! <3 warnings: DEAD DOVE with a happy ending, hard of hearing reader, cannon typical marvel violence, probably badly written violence, matt being upset, once again im tired and sleepy and bad at doing warnings, reader gets kidnapped TWICE, reader has superpowers, reader is TECHNICALLY a hybrid but literally just in the way that she has small antlers and deer like abilities (strength, jump height), fucked up experiments, ANGST ANGST ANGST, memory loss trope but like... the one from the hunger games. matt is hopelessly in love with reader, reader wants to kill matt, kissing, implied sexual ideas, cursing. SHAMELESS USE OF REAL OR NOT REAL FROM THG, reader having anxiety, and allusions of sex. word count: 7.1k summary: when your past finally catches up to you, matt truly learns what 'in sickness and in health' means. pairing: matt murdock x hoh!wife!reader now playing: we're in love - boygenius "will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/i know what you'll say/but it helps to hear you say it anyway."

Falling in love with Matt Murdock was the easy part.

Falling back in love with him was the tough bit.

You had spent the years leading up to meeting him as a boxer turned vigilante— Your dad had taught you how to fight young, which led to a lot of trouble at school until he eventually started helping you enter teenage fights against your mom’s wishes.

It’s how you paid for college.

And then, after your college experience, you lose control. It was never supposed to happen the way it did. You had lost a fight and stole the guy’s motorcycle in defiance. But the roads were wet from an early snow and people of New York never knew how to drive.

Just like that, the nerves in your hands were shot. The accident got your hearing too since you got sick from the cold after your accident. The infection got so bad that it took the hearing from your left ear—And half from your right.

For months, you thought you’d never gain control of your hands again, snapping from a promising young fighter to a deaf and shaky temp. You were miserable. Fighting was your everything for so long.

And then The Doctor found you.

No, not the alien from the British television show, but a man who promised you your old life back. He found you while you were at your lowest and realized that you would do anything for your old life back.

He said in exchange for your old life, all you would have to do would be a test subject for a harmless new drug he was testing out.

You were so enamored by the idea of your old life that you had decided to take him up on his offer, so you were whisked away upstate with a group of other people desperate enough to try this experiment out.

Every morning you were given a shot of blue liquid into your arm, and then, you were to preform a series of tasks to record your progress. After three weeks you grew frustrated that you had seen no progress. You spent most of your time asking people to talk into your right ear and becoming mad at The Doctor.

About a month in, you started growing antlers.

At first, you freaked out. Like, truly, screamed and yelled, wanting an explanation. The Doctor celebrated, telling you this was great news—And to prove it, he had you pick up a pen and write a sentence out. Your hands didn’t shake and did everything you told them to do.

On top of the antlers and the newfound control of your nerves, you were strong—Fast, too. You could jump twelve-foot walls. The Doctor was obsessed with you. While other patients died off from whatever drugs you were being given, you were thriving.

At the end of your three-month stay, you were excited to leave and head back to your life. You’d just have to wear beanies everywhere to hide your antlers, you told yourself. A small price to pay.

But The Doctor wouldn’t let you leave.

How could he, he asked you, when you were his best test subject?

Being a prisoner was a lot worse than you thought it would be. Day in and day out, you were trained to be a soldier, you think. Fighting various guards, doing different athletic tests. The serum hadn’t fixed your hearing, but it had given you all of these gifts.

Until The Doctor became cruel.

He gave the guards these batons that had shock currents at the end of them, instructing them to use it whenever you talked back or underperformed. For months you struggled through days of electric shocks and experiments.

One night, a guard slipped into your cell, expecting you to be an easy target. You quickly showed him differently, knocking him out and stealing his weapons. And then, you ran. You ran until your feet bled—No shoes.

An old woman who had retired upstate welcomed you into her small cabin and fed you, never asking about the small antlers growing out of your head. She simply gave you a warm knit cap and a pair of boots for the cold.

You remember eating chili with her as she told you about her deceased husband. You changed your last name to theirs, knowing The Doctor would find you if you kept going by your name. You stayed with her for a weekend, coming back from gathering firewood to The Doctor’s men there, having killed the kind old woman and on the hunt for you. You stole her car and never looked back.

The next few weeks after that had been full of killing various soldiers and armies that The Doctor had sent after you, until you eventually pushed The Doctor off a building, believing to have killed him for good.

And that was that.

You went on with your life as usual, finding a permanent job as a secretary. In a law office.

Which, of course, is where you met Matt.

With Matt, you never felt the need to hide who you were. Of course, it was a lot easier to tell him that some mad scientist had infected you with a drug that turned you into a deer hybrid when he told you that he was Daredevil.

And with time, some of the effects of the serum began to fizzle out. Strength, Agility, Antlers—Those stayed. The control over your hands didn’t. But you made peace with that. Physical Therapy twice a week and hearing aids helped.

Especially because early Sunday mornings were filled with Matt running his fingers through your hair, running his pointer finger along the curves of your antlers. He takes your hands and kisses your fingertips as they shake, hushing you softly when you start crying as he does.

He spars with you and spends nights running around New York City with you, jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

He tells you about Elektra, Stick, his dad, and Fisk.

One day, when you feel safe enough, wrapped up in his arms and a layer of blankets as snow falls against the windows, you tell him about The Doctor.  You explain to him your nightmares, and why they will never go away.

He kisses away your tears and promises he’ll never let anything happen to you.

When he asks you to marry him, you don’t hesitate to say yes. There’s not a moment where you regret that decision. You insist to get married in the summer, during the short month where your antlers shed before they grow back. He agrees happily, just wanting you to be happy.

You’ve been married for about five months when you start to think about kids. You’ve been married six when you realize the worst possible scenario is your reality—When vials of blue serum show up at your front door with a note scribbled out—

‘My Best Test Subject,

I cannot wait to catch up with you soon.

-The Doctor’

You call Matt in a panic, begging him to come home and be with you. He obliges and holds you as you calm down. He promised to love you in sickness and in health, and that is what he fully intends to do.

This is the story of the greatest challenge that your marriage would face.

• • •

After the note you had received, you almost exclusively traveled with Matt. Even for just a casual stroll, a walk to the deli or home from work, He was there with you. He knew you could handle yourself, but you felt safer with him close by.

But Matt’s senses were never as focused when it rained, especially on nights like today. The rain pours, it almost stings against his skin. And it’s loud. You don’t have your hearing aids in, so they catch you both by surprise.

It all happens too fast—

In an instant, Matt is being pulled off your arm and slammed against the closest brick alley, and when he hears the click of a gun behind him, he realizes what’s happening. He tries to fight, but before he can make any process, someone is swinging that gun against his head, and when he wakes up, he’s all alone.

He calls out to you and gets no response other than thunder rumbling from miles away. He is filled with nothing but a rage, a determination to find you.

He scrambles for his phone and uses it to call Karen.

“I need you to get Frank.” He tells her, “Please. I.. I don’t know what happened, but.. He took her, I need.. Karen, I need to find her.” He tells her.

Frank is on his way to New York within the hour.

• • •

When you wake up, your arms are strapped behind your back in some sort of metal contraption. You can feel the ache in your hands, indicating that you had fought against whoever brought you here. The room is quiet. A small cot in one corner, but the rest of the room is barren.

You’re wearing white pants and a gray muscle tee, with no shoes. You’re suddenly thankful you left your wedding ring at home, so that it might not end up in his hands.

You wait a while, and then the door opens. The Doctor, flanked by two men in heavy armor, holding those batons you’re all too acquainted with, steps into the room. You simply stare, but The Doctor looks like a child on Christmas morning.

But there’s something else to his appearance. His left eye is this bright yellow, and his pupil is a different shape. Green scales travel up his neck and coat the bottom right half of his face, and down his arms, reaching his fingertips. He looks like a monster, but you quickly realize what has happened.

Whatever serum gave you your abilities, was given to him. Only, his was made from that of snakes, not deer.

“My beautiful creation!” He gasps and takes your face in his hand, planting a kiss to your head, right between your antlers. “It’s been too long, you know.” His ‘s’ sounds are elongated, and his teeth are sharper. He has become destroyed by his own mad endeavors. When you don’t respond to his greeting, he continues to speak. “It’s been an eventful few years for you, huh?” When this doesn’t get a response from you, he stands up straight and backs up just a foot. “New job, new name… New husband.” Your head snaps up at that. “What? You think I haven’t been keeping tabs on you and the boy? What do you call him, then? Matthew or Daredevil?”

Your eyes grow wide, unsure how he knows about your husband’s secret hobby.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spit, your gaze hardening into a glare.

“Don’t I? You make quite the couple. The little deaf doe and her crime fighting blind husband.” He laughs, “And they say I like a project.”

“You won’t touch him or I swear to god—”

“Little doe, you misunderstand. I want nothing to do with your husband. I just want you to be the good subject I know you can be.” He tells you. “You and I are the only of our kind. I want to study you, replicate you.”

“You’re going to kidnap more people.”

“You weren’t kidnapped, you volunteered.”

“I won’t do whatever it is you want me to do.” You tell him. “I don’t care, I will escape, I will kill you.”

He shakes his head, taking one of the batons from the guards, before hitting you across the face with it. You groan in pain, turning your head back to glare at him. He sighs.

“I didn’t want to have to do this. But I did anticipate that Husband of yours interrupting things.” He hands the baton back to the guard before telling him. “Take her down the hall and get her ready, alright?”

You struggle your way down the hall, refusing to do whatever is coming to you without a fight. When the guards uncuff you to strap you to this big dentist looking chair, you manage to get out of the grasp of the guard, swinging a punch on him but this newfound advantage is short lived, as the other guard quickly grabs your arms and pushes you against the chair. You’re yelling and thrashing but they manage to get your arms and legs strapped down to the chair.

Your heartbeat is racing, and quietly, only in your mind, you beg. But not for mercy. Not from The Doctor. You beg Matt to come find you. Because you know that you do not stand a chance on your own, but maybe he could find you. He had to find you.

The Doctor sits in a chair next to you and holds up a small purple vial.

“This is hallucinogenic snake venom, mixed with a duller version of the serum we gave you. What this will do is allow me to go into your memories and alter them.” He explains as if you’re getting a simple procedure done. Tears fill your eyes.

“You’re going to make me forget him?” You ask, your voice breaking.

The Doctor hushes you softly, wiping your tears softly.

“Oh, no, little doe. I’m going to change what you do remember about him to make you hate him.”

• • •

Six months is a long time to be without your wife. For anyone, no matter who it is.

For Matt Murdock, it’s absolute torture. He spends all day half paying attention to his work while trying to research who The Doctor is. He spends all night trying to find you.

Frank lives, breathes, eats and sleeps to find you. He’s still technically a wanted man, so he pretty much stays under the radar as he looks for you. You remind him of a lot of guys he knew in the army, of himself.

Karen busies herself with research, looking through cases of old files at The Bulletin to try and see if there are any tips or stories that could maybe be connected to where you are. She gets about as little sleep as Matt.

And Foggy has the most important job of all.

Making sure Matt doesn’t kill himself in the process of trying to find you. Because for the first two months Matt didn’t sleep, hardly ate. And as he deteriorated, Foggy reminded him that to find you, he’d need to stay alive. He needs to shower, he needs to keep going to church, he needs to keep eating. The thought of hearing your heartbeat again keeps him going.

It’s as they’re packing up to go home one night that Frank comes into the office with blood-stained hands. They all know he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have something, so Karen asks first.

“What? What is it?”

“Buddy of mine found a file. Some private medicinal corporation funding a project for some sort of doctor doing cancer research, upstate.”

The location peaks Matt’s interest, because one of the few things he knows of your first experience is that the lab was in upstate New York.

“Okay, but—” Karen starts, but Frank hands her the file.

“Report shows the guy had scales.” He told her. “And I don’t know what you guys make of that but sounds to me like a side effect similar to the serum that was given to her.”

“Where?” Matt asks.

“Red, just—”

“Give me a god damn address, Frank.” He demands.

“I’ll drive you. Come on, things are probably gonna get wild and I don’t want you going alone.” He told him. Matt agrees, but only because he knows he can’t drive and would wind up walking to you.

“Then let’s go.” Before Frank can argue, Matt is walking out the door and going to get suited up for the journey ahead.

• • •

Daredevil is my enemy.

Matt Murdock hates me.

I hate him.

We were never really in love with each other.

These are the thoughts that echo through your mind as you wait for your next round of testing. The six-month mark is pivotal, The Doctor tells you time and time again.

Overall, you’ve made tremendous progress. He tells you that within weeks, other serums will be ready to test on new subjects. Maybe then, he tells you, he’ll promote you from just being a soldier.

Maybe.

You almost don’t hear the alarm going off somewhere in the distance. Of course, you don’t. The serum has never helped your hearing.

The way you remember it, Daredevil, a man who once claimed to love you, fought you to the point that he destroyed the nerves in your hands, destroyed your hearing. It’s fuzzy now, but you know this: The Doctor helped you. He put you back together.

But you do hear the alarm, eventually. It concerns you; it means someone has broken into the building. Your thoughts linger on the masked vigilante that haunts your nightmare. You’re getting stronger to defeat him, The Doctor says.

It’s a cool summer night when whoever it is broke in, breaks down your door. You immediately stand, quickly identifying Frank Castle, a grin breaking across your face. Closely behind, you identify a man in red.

Your heartbeat races, but you just stare at the pair.

Matt strips off his helmet and approaches you, wanting to make sure this was real. That you were real. His hands find your cheeks, and tears fill his eyes. He says your name gently.

“I found you, I’ve got you…”

You blink, unsure of what sort of cruel teasing that was.

Because in an instant, your glare hardens and you’re pushing him against a wall, starting to throw punches at him. He’s too far in shock to react, but Frank is pulling you off of him, and you’re struggling against him.

“Let me go! I need to kill him! He’s evil, he needs to die!” You cry, and Matt is just saying your name softly, in absolute disarray. What had they done to you, his sweet girl?

Frank pins you down to the ground, unsure of why you, a woman he had perceived to be so in love with the man behind him, are so adamant that he dies.

“Enough, Enough!” He barks, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at Matt. “That is your husband, girl. Stop acting like he’s torturing you when he is not the one whose been experimenting on you for six months!”

“Let me go, I need him gone! He’s cruel, He’s a monster!” You cry, and Matt has started crying. Putting you both out of your misery, Frank hits you in a way that knocks you right out. Matt goes over to your now unconscious form and pets your hair.

“Why was she—”

“I don’t know.. I just don’t know, red. Let’s get her out of here to figure it out, okay?” Matt just nods and grabs his helmet, slipping it on so Frank can’t see him crying anymore.

• • •

If you had a nickel for every time you woke up tied to a chair, you’d have more nickels than you had fingers.

Today is no different.

You’re surrounded by people you don’t recognize. And one you do. Your angry glare stays on him, and he looks upset by it.

You’re unsure why. You’re so sure he just wanted you dead.

The blonde woman in front of you says your name softly. When your gaze shifts to her, you notice her soft eyes.

“How do you know my name?” You ask.

She frowns.

“It—Because we’re good friends.”

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t… My name is Karen.” She says softly. She goes over to a nearby shelf, pulling out a picture frame and showing it to you. “Here, that’s you and me. At your wedding.”

“My wedding? The one that he set up just to hurt me?”

Matt remembers you telling him that you had never been happier than when you were getting ready for your wedding.

There’s two other men, one held you down while you were meant to kill Matt, but the other one.. You vaguely remember him standing next to Matt when you got married.

He speaks next.

“Matt and Frank, they found these vials in one of the labs. We think the man that took you used it to... to alter your memories.”

“Why would The Doctor do that? He helped me.” You tell them, unsure what to make of this whole situation. Matt is growing extremely frustrated because he knows just how scared you were of that monster.

“Untie her.” Matt tells Frank, and everyone looks at him like he’s crazy. Including you because you know that you’ll just try and kill him. “Do it,” he tells him again and very hesitantly, Frank does untie you. When you’re free from the rope, you step forward to go towards Matt, but Frank grabs your arm.

“Don’t,” he says. But then, Matt reaches for Frank’s gun on the nearby table and hands it to you. Odd choice for a man you want to kill.

“Go ahead.” He tells you, facing you now. “Shoot me, kill me if that’s what you really want to do.” He says. You stare at the gun in your hand for a second, before holding it properly and aiming it at Matt. Everyone waits with bated breath to see what you’ll do.

Pull the trigger, you tell yourself, The Doctor’s voice echoing around your head. He hurt you, the voice says. He needs to die.

And yet, you just stare at the man on the other end of the gun, trying to build up the courage to kill him. To kill the man that for months you have been taught needs to die. That you have memories of hurting you, of maiming you.

Your hand tremors as tears fill your eyes, until you eventually drop your arm, so the gun isn’t pointing at him anymore.

“Look at the photo of you and Karen,” Matt tells you, “You have hearing aids in the photo. I didn’t do that to you, you got into a bad accident, you got sick and that’s how you lost your hearing. I had nothing to do with that. You even had your powers before me, you didn’t just get them in the past six months. The Doctor is an evil man who just wanted to torture people and turn them into science experiments.” He tells you, and you want to tell him to stop, that it’s not true. But something in you tells you not to. “I love you,” he says gently, and you flinch away from him when he says this.

It breaks his heart into a million pieces. Absolutely shatters it.

“I don’t know you.” You tell him.

Sensing that Matt doesn’t know what to say to that, Frank steps forward.

“Hey. I’m Frank, you remember me?”

“You pinned me down when you found me.” He sighs softly.

“Yeah, well.. You have memories of when the two of you got married, right? So those are real memories… What about the ones of him hurting you? Do they look any different?”

You take a moment to close your eyes and really focus on the memory you have so closely attached to the man in red. They’re.. Filmy. Like they have a filter on them or like glass shimmering in the sun.

Tears fall from your eyes as you open them, your hand quickly coming up to wipe your tears.

“I think we did enough for now.. She needs to rest.” The man whose name you don’t know, but he has this shaggy blonde hair. Then this question comes up in everyone’s mind—Where will you stay?

“I’ll take the couch,” Matt says, “You take the bed.” You don’t know how comfortable you are with being alone with Matt in this apartment, even if the memories are fake. They feel pretty real.

“I don’t know if—” Karen starts.

“I.. It’s fine..” you say softly, and that fills Matt with a fraction of hope. “It’s just over night.”

Frank sighs softly, taking his gun off the table and glancing at Matt.

“We’re only a phone call away, alright?” Karen tells him.

It feels sort of awkward that they only talk to him as if you can’t hear them. Well, you can’t hear them very well, but you can hear.

“There’s clothes for you in the bedroom,” Matt tells you, “Go take a shower and I’ll walk them to the door.” Very reluctant to turn your back on Matt, you make your way to the bedroom to gather your clothes and go to shower.

You really haven’t had a good shower in six months, so it’s nice to wash the dirt off your skin and from beneath your fingernails. You spend a long time under the hot shower, letting it burn your skin. Your whole life has been turned upside down because you’re slowly coming to terms with the fact that Matt Murdock isn’t your sworn enemy, and that maybe.. he just.. does like you..

Meanwhile, Matt walks the others out, or at least to the door, hesitant to go too far from you.

Foggy glances back to him before he leaves, curiously.

“How did you know she wouldn’t shoot you?”

He hesitates.

“I didn’t.” he says softly. “I just trusted that somewhere within her, my wife still loves me.”

• • •

Later that night, you stare out the window of his apartment at that bright billboard. You gaze at it curiously, and hear Matt call your name gently behind you. In his hands, he holds your hearing aids.

You put them on, and just look at him for a few minutes.

“You kept them?”

“I never stopped looking for you..” He told you. “I prayed every night hoping to hear your heartbeat again.” He tells you, and you don’t know what to make of it. He seems so devoted to you, yet you have these memories of him beating you until you’re close to death.

“I’m sorry I can’t be in love with you the way you want me to be.”

He shrugs gently.

“In sickness and in health, right?”

“And in torture and memory alteration.”

“Same thing.”

For the first time in six months, you smile.

Maybe your husband isn’t such a bad guy.

You can only hope he’ll love you long enough for you to get your shit together and not want to kill him anymore.

• • •

Memories are a tricky thing.

You decide to spend your days with Frank, hunting down various people who worked with The Doctor. You talk a lot about your memories with him. And no matter what, at the end of the day, you have dinner with Matt.

One night, he brings home Thai Food.

“We had this for our first date,” he recalls. “You got pad Thai, your favorite.” You try to recall the memory.

“You wore a nice blue button up, right?” You say softly. He smiles gently and nods.

“Yeah. I did.” He says gently.

“Can..” You hesitate. “Can you tell me more about it? Our life together? I can’t.. discern between what’s real and fabricated.” You’re making new memories, sure, but you know he misses the life the two of you had together.

But he’s caught off guard by your request. For the past few weeks, you’ve been hesitant to indulge in any memories you think might be real.

“You used to work for me.” He tells you. “Not in a weird way, but our office is small. We fell in love over Thai food and opening statements.”

“Why did you want to marry me?”

He hesitates for a second, not wanting to scare you off.

“Because I love you.” He tells you. “Because when you were with me, it was the closest thing I’d ever knew to peace.” He confesses.

“Oh..”

“Yeah.” He takes another bite of his food. “You know if you have a memory and you don’t know if it’s real, you can always ask.”

You smile softly.

“Thanks.” There’s a soft silence that fills the room before you ask, “I have this memory of us in bed, with you running your hand through my hair.. Your fingers tracing these antlers I have.. Is that real?”

“Yeah, it is..” He promised. “I have a thing about textures and your hair is soft.”

“I’m glad.” You smile. This is nice. This gentleness that’s between you. It’s a softness you aren’t used to, one that you don’t know if you’d ever quite get used to.

Later that night, when you were meant to be fast asleep, you wake up with a startling gasp in bed. You look around panicked. You don’t quite know who you’re looking for..

Until Matt comes into the room, a concerned look on his face.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and this calmness washes over you.

“Yeah..”

“Okay. Okay, good, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” He says softly. He’s been so good to you, sleeping on the couch for so many weeks. He goes to leave, but you call out to him. He turns back to you.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask.

“Yeah, of course.” He says softly, climbing into bed with you. You think for a second, before shifting a bit, resting your head against his chest. You listen to the gentle thud of his heartbeat, as his hand finds your back, gently rubbing up and down. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He isn’t dumb—He knows you have nightmares. And that on the nights that you do, you’re quieter and more avoidant of him. It’s a bad habit, one you want to break. Because you recognize that your dreams aren’t real.

Matt has never done anything to you, and you’re sure of this.. For the most part. Sometimes when you wake up, you must reorient yourself and remind yourself that Matt has no malicious intent towards you and no reason to hurt you.

But it takes you a few minutes to accomplish this. On those mornings, you tend to keep your distance from him, and because Matt wants nothing but your happiness, he stays away from you. But tea is always placed in front of you, and he never strays far from you.

“Not really.” You finally answer. There’s another beat of silence. “We went as the couple from The Princess Bride for our first Halloween together.. Real or not real?”

“Real.” He confirms.

“You broke my nose once during an argument. Real or not real?”

“Not real.” He tells you. “I would never hurt you. Even when we used to fight at the gym, it was always for practice, never to do actual damage. And when we would spar, it would always end with us going home and taking a hot bath.”

You close your eyes, trying to recall that particular memory. When you find it, your face flushes with this unfamiliar heat.

“You’re still trying to protect me even though I wanted you dead... Real or not real?”

“Real.” He doesn’t even hesitate. He’s not sure if you’ve realized it yet, but he’d rather die than put you anywhere close to being in danger. His hand continues to trace patterns into your skin, as you think about his response.

You fall asleep like this, close to the man who you’re realizing has never intended to hurt you a day in your life.

• • •

The day you realize you’re in love with your husband is horrifying.

Which seems like a crazy accusation to make, and yet, you feel nothing but horror when you realize that you are desperate for him. Which is insane, because you’ve been living with him for two months when you realize you are desperate to kiss him like you’re drowning and need air.

It happens at the office. You decided to cook, because you remember really liking it, and to say thank you for all he’s done for you, you want to bring lunch to Matt at work. So you make this really delicious chicken pesto pasta, and you pick up sodas to go along with it. Matt gets the following text:

‘Your favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. Real or not real?’

Five minutes later, you get a response.

‘Real. Yours is sprite.’

You pick up a bottle of each and head over to his office. You’ve been there a few times before, but mostly it was because Frank needed to talk to Karen about something, but lately you’ve found yourself wanting to go to the office just to see Matt.

Matt is surprised when he hears the familiar beat of your heart on the other side of the door. He can also hear the slight buzz of your hearing aids.

“Sweetheart, you can come in.” He calls, but you hesitate even further. Not because you’re confused as to why he knows it’s you, but because your brain sort of short circuits when he calls you the pet name. But after a few minutes, you walk into the room and place lunch on his desk, as well with your drinks.

“Do you like pesto?”

“We had pesto pasta at our wedding.” Oh.

“So you do?”

“Yeah, I do. Especially the way you make it.”

“Oh, good.” You smile and sit at the chair on the other side of the desk. “Because I made chicken pesto pasta for lunch and figured you might want some.”

“Well, thank you for thinking of me.”

There’s a quiet calm between the two of you.

“This is a pretty killer first date, huh?” This makes Matt laugh, because in his mind, your first date was eating Thai food and listening to music. But this isn’t bad either.

“Well, Chivalry must be dead then, because I didn’t even buy you flowers.” He hums, and you tilt your head.

“I don’t remember you ever buying me flowers.” He frowns at this.

“Well, I’m going to have to fix that.”

And that’s how the afternoon goes. You sit with Matt in his office, eating a homemade chicken pasta and falling in love with him. As you go to leave, he asks you what you have planned for the day.

“I have some errands to run, but I should be home to make dinner.” And for a moment, Matt forgets all that’s happened, and he lets himself believe that you have all your memories of him perfectly intact and no one’s ever made you think otherwise.

You get back to the apartment a few hours later, and just as you’re unpacking your groceries, there’s a knock at the door. When you open it, a delivery man stands with a bouquet of flowers. Your face is warm as you sign off on them.

As you put them in their vase, you notice a note attached to it. You catch yourself grinning as you read his little note, that reads ‘I’ll buy you flowers until I’m old and wrinkly. Real.’

The urge to run back to the office and kiss him overwhelms you.

So you call Frank.

This leads to the pair of you, sitting at a booth in a diner, nursing coffees and toast.

“I hope you didn’t call me here just to complain about married life.” He tells you, making a joke out of the thing that terrifies you.

“No, I just wanted you to sit here talking to a chick with antlers so you can look like more of a freak than you already are.” You tease.

It gets you both laughing. These moments, in between all the nightmares and all of the filmy memories, fill you with a light you can’t quite describe.

“So, why’d you really call me to meet up?” He asks. “I have to assume you don’t just want to chitchat.”

“I think I’m in love with Matt.” You tell him. He raises an eyebrow.

“What? Why does that sound like you think it’s a problem?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” You confess. “It’s like I don’t want to love him, like a part of me still believes he’s the bad guy. I know he does.. Besides, I was so awful to him for so long. I pointed a gun at him and he still comforts me every night. What if I don’t deserve this?” You ask. “What if I don’t deserve him?”

Frank actually laughs—Okay, not like a giggle or a belly laugh, but it gets a good chuckle out of him.

“You and Red with that shit—Questioning if you’ve done enough for something good to happen to you. With the ‘Do I deserve this?’ and the ‘Am I worthy of this?” He shakes his head. “All that shit is irrelevant. Do you want it? Do you want to be with him?”

Tears fill your eyes as you realize what that means.

“You and him, you love each other like breathing, and I know you don’t quite get that yet, but it’s the same reason you didn’t shoot him that day. Something in you knows that you love him and deserve his love.” Frank is speaking from experience, because he knows that no matter what he’s done, he knows he deserves one more kiss from his wife.

But he’ll never get that chance.

He hopes Matt does.

• • •

It takes you a long time to make your way back to the apartment. When you get there, Matt immediately stands from his place on the couch and has this look of concern etched across his face.

“Is everything okay?” he asks gently, “Your heart is racing, I just want to make sure you’re safe and—"

“I’m fine.” You smile gently. “Really, I… Thank you for the flowers.” You tell him. His face softens.

“You like them?”

“I love them, Matt.” You confess. “I’ve spent.. So long trying to rationalize everything, sort out the real things from the things that aren’t..” You’re not too sure what you’re trying to say. “I just.. I want.. I want to try. I want to try and be with you, I’m ready for that. I’m ready to be happy with you..”

He hesitates. Not because he doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want you, but he is worried that you’re only saying these things because you feel like you might owe him. You don’t. You don’t owe him anything other than what you want to give him, and he is desperate for you to know that.

“Sweetheart, You don’t.. I don’t need.. I don’t need you to pretend like you want me just because I’ve taken care of you. It’s more than enough to just—”

Matt is cut off by his first kiss from you in eight months. Your hands rest on the sides of his cheeks, and his arms are quickly around your torso. The kiss is passionate but soft at first—Until you push deeper, desperate to be as close as you can to him. Your hand even comes up to pull off his glasses to see his eyes.

Without thinking, you pull away from him only for your hand to come down to the hem of his shirt, going to pull it off.

“Off, off, off, off—” You softly request, and he just laughs, taking your hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Stop. Wait.” He says gently. “I just.. I want to make sure you actually want this.. That you really want me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ve been reserved for the past two months, rightfully so, but now you want to sleep with me.. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. Or something you do just because you feel lonely or bad that I—” You cut him off with another kiss, breaking it shortly after.

“I want you. I want to rebuild my life with you. I want to create new, untainted memories.. It won’t be easy, but I want to be with you.” You confess. “I want countless summer nights, I want you to be there for all the nightmares, I.. I want to give you the same peace you’ve been trying to give me.”

You’re both crying and you don’t quite know why. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold band. He slips it onto your fingers and kisses you again. He holds the hand with your wedding ring on it as he leads you into the bedroom. Into your life together. Into your arms. Where you were meant to be.

The next morning, you lay in the quiet of your apartment, the silk sheets tickling your skin. You focus on Matt’s breathing. He traces patterns into your skin.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask, and he takes a moment to answer.

“You.” He says gently. “You’re all I’ve been thinking about for three years.” He says gently. Then, when you don’t say anything, “Our anniversary was two months ago..” You know he misses the life you could have had together.

The life that he had planned out for the pair of you in his head. The life that oh so quietly, he longs for. The one without nightmares, supplemented by the laughter of any potential children you might have.

“I could get used to thinking about you, too, you know.” And it makes him laugh, as you lean up and bite his shoulder gently, before placing a kiss to that same patch of skin. He swats your arm gently before the pair of you break down into giggles.

“In the future, if you ever.. don’t want to do that, you don’t have to.”

“I know.” You tell him.

A comfortable silence fills the air again.

“I’m so happy you came back to me.” He says gently. “I was.. I spent so long worried that.. that we’d spend years just trying to find our footing again. That you wouldn’t get better..” For the second time tonight, you cut off his overthinking with a kiss.

“I love you.” You tell him when you’re finally ready to pull away. The morning light shines into the apartment, giving Matt this glowing effect. He practically shimmers in the golden light, and you just take a moment to commit the look of him to memory.

You try and take your time, studying him. He’s so beautiful this time of day.

“Real or not real?” He asks you softly, as one hand snakes up to your hair, his fingers gently running through it.

You lean forward and place a soft kiss to his lips.

“Real.”

[drdemonprince]

Kink/autism question, I have a close friend who often comes to the same kink events/markets/play parties as me and my polycule. I have a very subby/degradee dynamic with my polycule and this friend has picked up on that and has started adding her own interjections, calling me a little bug, holding my leash, and referring to herself as the "queer-platonic cousin of your leather family".

I've asked my friend if she'd be interested in any play and she's said no, and while I'm fairly attracted to her she doesn't seem to be attracted to me. I have no qualms with this, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

That being said, I enjoy degradation and submission with my polycule because I know they're all attracted to me and love me dearly, and they do it because it's fun for all of us. When my friend does those same things, it kinda stings because I know she's also not attracted to me, and it just feels insulting. We also do a lot of work together in uni and she makes references to my kink dynamics in situations that aren't super comfortable for me (I'd prefer to keep my school life and kink life VERY separate). Sometimes when we're at our local sex club together she'll come into the room and start having a conversation with me about school while my wife is literally inside of me.

Do you have any advice on how I can communicate to her that I really enjoy her friendship and I'm glad to have a kinky buddy and talk about our respective relationships, but I don't like how she's injecting herself into my dynamic? I'm certain that she's not trying to be mean-spirited, but the fact that it's coming from a friend and not a partner makes the teasing feel a bit icky to me. She's had a rough year and I don't want to alienate her, and we're both not very good at social cues. I usually laugh it off but it's starting to wear on me.

I can kind of understand how your friend got her wires crossed here -- she probably thinks that by saying degrading things to you she is being playful and affectionate in a way she knows you like; she might even think she is doing you a kindness by giving you some of the dynamic you enjoy, despite not being sexually interested in you enough to want to take it further. But it's backfiring, and coming across as if knowing you're into degradation has given her the excuse to be a little bit mean and undermining.

Between that, the random attempts to initiate school-talk while you're getting fucked, and not being discrete about your kink life around others, there is a clear over-arching problem here with your friend: she doesn't see your kink life as a precious, carefully guarded part of you that should be handled gently and only by certain people.

For your friend, it seems that kink, friendship, school, and day-to-day life can all slosh up against one another, without firmly defined boundaries, and the presence of one in the place of another is not a problem. That can be fine for her, and it is for some people! But it's not how you feel.

And really the only way to fix this is with communication.

I think the best way to start is to explain to your friend how you feel about your kink life, and why you draw boundaries around it. Something like,

"My kinky side is very precious and private to me, and it's only something I want to share with my partners. "I love that you are supportive and understanding of my kinks as a kinky person yourself, and that we can bond over kink as friends. [ONLY SAY THIS IF IT'S TRUE.] "But when you use degrading terms for me, or start talking about my kinks when we're in vanilla spaces, you're taking my sexual life outside of that private realm and into a more public one where I don't want it to be. I also find it jarring when we're at the dungeon together and you suddenly start trying to talk to me about school or vanilla-life things. I go there to try and escape that regular-life headspace. "I keep these worlds separate and I hope you can help me in drawing that line. I'm okay with [talking about kink when we are at the club/sharing kinky spaces together -- say what is true for you here] but I don't express that side of myself in public, at school, or with people who aren't my partners."

Your friend will probably feel a bit embarrassed to learn that she's been making you uncomfortable all this time, so she might act awkwardly about it at first. Just give her some space to process that on her own -- it's not your job to make her feel better about the fact that she made you feel bad. Just continue to be friendly while maintaining boundaries between your kink and vanilla lives.

If she crosses a boundary again, remind her of your limits in the moment:

"I don't want to be called a gutterslut by non-partners, okay?"

"This isn't a subject for right now."

"I don't want to talk about that here."

Comments like that. If she continues crossing boundaries in spite of repeated reminders and clarifications, then you will have to think about what steps you'll take to maintain the boundary yourself. This could include anything from no longer speaking to her at the dungeon, walking away from unwanted conversations, not inviting her to gatherings with your polycule where a lot of open degradation occurs, asking a dungeon attendant to prevent her from approaching you during a scene, and making remarks that turn the attention back on her if she tries airing out details about your kinks in front of strangers.

That your friend has had a rough year is immaterial on the question of whether you get to have the boundaries that you have. You are not doing anything to harm her or the relationship by articulating what you need, and she chooses to ignore your boundaries once you've stated them explicitly, any tension that introduces to the friendship will fall on her.

[urauntiefaye]

&Team High Short Thoughts🍃

TW: Mentions of getting horny in a couple when high, weed, &Team being high, cussing.

Also, Maki isn't in this because I don't know how this fandom would feel about me writing him this type of scenario. Let me know if y'all want to hear about Maki.

----

Now so, I saw a couple things about smoking with Jo from &Team. And I'm all here for it actually. I don't know reading stuff about reader smoking or getting high with kpop idols just does something to me. It's kind of one of my favorite prompts to read about. Is it because I myself am a pothead who has a nicotine addiction? actually yeah that's probably it now that I think about it...(please don't cancel me-)

Like for each member in a way, but for &Team I feel like the only member that if it came to the media, they smoked I would not in the slightest be surprised would be Nicholas.

But for fanfiction purposes, I decided to think about the other members.

For Kei I feel like him being high he would be the "get up and do shit" at first type. Like the first two puff I feel like it would oddly make him energetic; but after the third to fourth ones, he would then start to feel the more drowsiness aspects of it. However, I will say I think Kei would get super horny when high. And btws guys if you never had sex when high PHEW, it's like a whole other experience. (If you do make sure there's actual consent and you and the other person aren't super fucking out of it.)

For Fuma if he were to smoke it wouldn't be often. He gives off vibes of only drinking or smoking for special occasions. But when he does get high, I see him not talking much. Bro is definitely zoning out watching t.v and randomly snapping out of it feeling like he was actually in the show or movie.

Nicholas...another one I see getting horny when high. But he's also like the main?, ya know when you plan to have a hangout session the person who brings the weed is Nicholas, who also makes sure people have enough snacks and drinks especially water because of the cotton mouth effect you will get along with if you actually smoking and not taking an edible it will BURN your throat especially if you're not used to it.

With Euijoo he is one of the few that also doesn't get high often, I feel like he would only do it with Nicholas or a person he's super close with the he trusts. He turns into a giggling mess, he finds literally everything so fucking funny...also a type to crawl over the floors because he's too busy laughing.

Yuma, now I also see Yuma being like Nicholas and Kei with the getting horny part. But that's more at the very beginning stage. While once he's super buzzed up he would turn into the conspiracy person. Will talk about aliens and if we're even real. Has definitely freaked Euijoo out and made him cry a couple of times because now Euijoo is also questioning his own existence.

Jo, okay okay hear me out on this one guys. Why do I feel like Jo would become more talkative when stoned? but like nothing he says makes sense though but you're just happy he's talking but also.....what the hell did he say about My Little Ponies and The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Harua, so I actually had to think about this for a hot ass second. I feel like Harua would be the most like Euijoo out of the others in a since that he's also giggling at everyone. But he would also get green faded quickly. I think he'll be a 'lightweight' when it comes pot, so make sure you have a bucket for him. Also, I see him becoming super clingy as well.

Taki would be way more talkative than he already is, but he would jump for topic to topic so fucking fast. Would go from having conspiracy conversations with Yuma, to talking about his emotions and starts crying to zoning out to the tv with Fuma to talking about random shit again. Its a constant cycle, is also a snacker during all of this.

[mircoalien]

¡Hallo aliens!. As a good woman that I am, I decided to say, like that program, "this is the truth", okay no, today we will talk about, disgusting because it is, about Bushido, what's going on in your mind?, just in case They don't know why, back in 2006, Bushido, a German rapper, "insulted" and "harassed" Billy, who at that time was 17 years old and Bushido, 25/26, or there are several people who say that he was 29, but really, he was 27 years old at that time, I mean that I already did a more in-depth investigation about this, I even found fan fics, or art photos of them, risqué, and I literally froze, anyway, let's talk...

18 years ago, in 2006, Bill participated in an interview, along with the rest of the band, but Bushido, a German rapper, who didn't like him at all, was there. Bill, in the interview, everything was "fine." "However, the interviewer asked Bushido if he had anything to say to Bill, to which he said "I would like to ask him if he would like to have oral sex with me." I mean, what's wrong with him? Being 27, he should behave with a 17-year-old, please, what a mentality, of course it was seen, how Bill had several tears, after the program, they say that Bill cried too much, well Bushido too, he told him in a way, that if he was gay, only because of his appearance.

And not only that, every time Bushido appeared on German television, he talked about Bill, who he found attractive, I don't know what, a lot of stupid things, even in one of them he said, "Bill, if you don't come here and stop me, we're done." , the presenter, just as stiff as me, asked him why he spoke to him like that, and Bushido said, "because as boyfriends we can talk to each other like that", MY GOD! Also in 2007, it seems as if Bill let him do it to him. those types of comments.

I think Bushido had won the Comet awards for best German singer, or something like that, in fact the photo above is from that moment, Bill even said "I knew it, I knew he was going to win", hell even There are disgusting people who created fan fics about them, and even uncomfortable art, I mean risque, in short aliens, this seems so disgusting to me, but this depends, on what you think of course, well I I'm just the Bill below, with Bushido thank you, a little message for Bushido...

Dear Bushido, I hope you die soon, if Bill is such a sweet person, I don't have a grudge against you, so you go and fuck all your fucking mother, may you go through many tragedies in your life, from here until you die WITH LOVE, Mirco goodbye aliens!👽🛸...

[weebsinstash]

So hey while we're talking about overbearing yandere figures that may either be romantic or platonic or even parental based on your preference, you wanna know who would REALLY be impossible to escape from? Bruce Wayne

He's literally already got like what, 6 or 7 kids he's adopted and taken under his wing for varying reasons, his own little Batfamily living with him in his house as he works through varying types and levels of trauma. God forbid you meet him in some sort of "your parents were murdered and you're basically another Robin he adopted" scenario because i imagine he never. Let's you really age out of that. Like you may stop being a sidekick and a crime fighter but like, leaving the Manor, the family, him? That's too dangerous. What if an old nemesis of yours comes back, or someone targets you to get to him? It's safer if you stay home and all your siblings just care for you so much 🥺

You just get absolutely NO privacy because you know that entire mansion is just bugged literally everywhere, you're in your room on your phone browsing the web, fucking Bruce is down in the cave on the Batcomputer watching your browsing history (and god imagine if he even, like, imposes some basic ass borderline purity culture kind of shit on you and keeps you away from like, adult stuff, or really just anything he thinks will be a bad influence)

You somehow manage to slip away from him (already unlikely) and he probably has you or a possession of yours microchipped. And then there's a matter of not just having to slip away from him, but also Dick, Barbara, fuck you think JASON is going to watch you set out on those harsh streets? Alfred alone can put your ass in some kind of time out, that special Pennyworth sleepy time tea he likes to give you for anxiety is a lil too sleepy if you kwim. Bruce and the rest are off doing hero shit that you refuse to do anymore "because that's gay, you guys cripple people for stealing from the gas station, what does your moral absolutism actually accomplish if you actively facilitate half the crimes you 'solve'" and you're just like chilling with Alfred at the dinner table and you look up, "I think I want to get a job and move out" and he's lending you an ear and some dry wit and advice while you two drink tea and before you know it he's practically got to catch your forehead from slamming against the table, you pass out so hard, and then there's oh so loyal Alfred on the phone, "Master Wayne, I believe there's a certain talking-to that needs to be had whenever you return to the manor--"

I just can't even imagine the scope of surveillance you would be under after earning a spot in the heart of the world's greatest detective like, arguably the most GOATed member of the Justice League and he isn't even fucking magic. And you finally get away from him, the Batfamily, all of em, and you know who you get to deal with THEN? His buddy Clark. Have fun so much as hiding in a building or wearing a disguise from the fucking alien with XRAY VISION who can "fly faster than a speeding bullet", who can basically think and process thoughts as equally fast

And also just, lmaoooo good luck having sex or bringing a boy or someone home when you have like 4 protective brothers, a loyal hound, like 3 sisters, a stepmom, two of them if Selina is over, a borderline black ops butler, and the unhinged controlling billionaire orphan who binds them all together

[spicysix]

Fanfic Writer Appreciation day ♡

i stole this idea from @1lostsoul0fishbowl, and in celebration for Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day, i've decided to list 21 of my favorite fics! a few of them i've talked about before, and a few are very well known but still deserve to be talked about again. i'm tagging the authors if i know their tumblrs!

i divided them into two lists, a purely Steddie one (my otp y'know) and a second one for everything else (other ships, X readers, other fandoms etc)

without further ado, in no particular order, here is (under the cut cause the lists are LONG, babes):

Steddie

The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting. by @badpancakelol - timeloop

You're Divine by @azrielgreen - Kas!Eddie

i can give you a heartbeat by soupbitchin - ghost!Eddie

Looks like we're in for nasty weather by @geddyqueer - modern AU, ghost whisperer!Eddie, cryptids

Straight Knife Through The Heart by @relenafanel - modern AU, rockstar!Eddie

New York Hardcore by @grandmastattoo - punk!Steve

your cosmic call sign by @nancywheeeler - aliens!AU

Wild Geese by watchcatewrite - roadtrip

the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic - rockstar!Eddie, found family

your love is standing next to me by @fivecenturiesverse - rockstars AU, social media fic

STEVE’S FIRST BRUISE by cairparavels - spider man!Steve

took you for a working boy by @pukner - genderqueer!Steve

this love came back to me by @strawberryspence - rockstar!Steve

i could be honest, i could be human by @steves-strapcollection

what's left of my lungs by WirtWilt - hanahaki disease

echo by @grandmastattoo - timeloop

wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name by DotyTakeThisDown - BDSM, sex club master!Eddie

Petals in a Storm by @inairbinad

Eddie's Memory Log by @harmonictechnicality

this demo will save your life by oh_simone - 'rockstar'!Eddie, band manager!Steve. characterization of all times

STRIKE TEN. by @metaldeads - scoops era

Others

The Entire History Of Human Desire by KidA_666 - ST / stonathan

Dreaming Of You by Koken - Marvel / stucky X reader - reader has powers

Harmless by @shurisneakers - Marvel / bucky X reader - 'villain'!Reader, lovely crack, perry VS doofenshmirtz dynamic

Hive by Rattle - SDV / sebastian X sam X farmer - there's a big plot twist here. best SDV fic ever

Trinity Epoch by @heli0s-writes - Marvel / stucky X reader / pacific rim AU (honestly anything by helios is amazing)

matters of taste by @fairyysoup - ST / steddie X reader - bakery AU

half of my soul by @graysonnightwing - ST / steve&robin - platonic soulmates get platonically maried

Over & Over by @beetlesandstarss - ST / ronance - this one hurts like a bitch but it's delicious

burning yarrow by @storiesbyrhi - ST / eddie X reader - witch!Reader, vampire!Eddie (literally anything by Rhi, but this one's my favorite)

don't delete the kisses by @stevenose - ST / steve X reader - camboy!Steve

We Tried The World by @upsidedownwithsteve - ST / steve X reader - roadtrip (again, anything by Emmy is great but her roadtrip Steve is top tier and this fic was a huge inspiration to me personally)

No Such Thing by lattebiscuit - Marvel / bucky X reader - college AU

We Got A Lovin' Thing by lattebiscuit - ST / steddie X reader

Helping Hands by MutantsandSoldiers - Marvel / bucky X reader, stucky X reader - ABO, mutant!Reader

Howler & the Black Cat by bajablessed - Marvel / bucky X reader - vigilante!Reader

Sunshine Blend Dark Roast by @icallhimjoey - RPF / joe quinn X reader - barista!Reader (again, anything by this author is an instant hit. i had to close my eyes and point at the screen to choose randomly because i couldn't pick one myself)

no good at waiting by @familyvideostevie - ST / steve X reader - farmers market AU

in a dark, dark room by @carolmunson - ST / Eddie X reader - kas!Eddie. this one just dropped and it's an instant hit. it's dark so beware!

Like Real People Do by @myosotisa - ST / eddie X reader - drug addicts, rehab clinic, beware of triggers

Bad Influence by @dearest-readers - ST / eddie X reader - pornstars AU

coffee shop blues by @ghost-proofbaby- ST / eddie X reader - barista!Reader, barista!Eddie, grumpy VS sunshine trope

WHOOF! *wipes forehead* that was some work. i obviously couldn't fit all my favorite fics of all times here, but i did my best to bring great content! (i thought about dividing into 3 lists and make an X reader specific one but....i was too tired of searching for links already lmao)

i have many other great recs in my fics recs tag here and on my ao3 bookmarks so if you trust my judgment and want more fics to read, those are always public!

shout out to all the amazing fic writers on all sides of these fandoms that i love and admire, and know that you are very appreciated on this fic writer appreciation day! ♡♡

[objectosexual]

Hii! So this is a question (that I've also been thinking about myself) how did you figure out you we're object sexual and how did you come to terms with it? (As someone who's currently questioning if they are or not rn)

I know I've talked about it here and there so sorry if some of this is me repeating myself but...

I didn't fully figure it out until I was around 16 or 17 if I remember right (it's been over a decade at this point), but I like. Had crushes on objects pretty much my whole life lmao

But yeah finding info about objectumsexuality (or objectophilia, which was the term primarily used pre-2014 when I was figuring this all out) was kinda hard. Pretty much the only stuff out there was like, click bait about people like Erika Eiffel (and other openly objectum people in relationships with public objects) which sensationalized aspects of it and all that. Stuff I didn't entirely relate to at the time (as I thought I was some level of aroace until I was like 18 -- a lot of it was dysphoria)

But yeah I had a like. Loose idea that the label existed and kinda fit me. I didn't think my experiences counted since the objects I liked were all fictional characters that were alive/anthropomorphized. I liked objectheads and gijinkas of objects. I didn't relate to like. The idea of liking something "cold."

I think it finally clicked when I got a crush on my first car, which was my first real relationship with an object (since I don't count my previous fictional object selfships as such 😅) I can't remember if I used the label prior to realizing I was attracted to my car or not but! I know for a fact I've been using the objecto/objectum label since!

Also all of this was WAY before I learned about the POSIC+ label and up until that point I just described that sort of experience as having hyper-empathy to inanimate objects (which is still true! but I now know it comes from a place of seeing objects as having souls or sapience or whatever)

Anyway as far as coming to terms with it... I don't entirely remember that process. I do remember struggling with it a bit, but at the time, I literally felt like I was the only objectum person on Tumblr (I wasn't, but since no one was really using labels I couldn't find anyone, but people definitely did find me)... It was definitely an alienating experience to be seemingly the only person online who wants to be in a serious relationship with his car.

But eventually meeting more people who had similar experiences, attractions, etc. helped me feel better about it and be more open about it.

Then the (threat of the?) porn ban happened which forced me to closed down my objectum porn blog, which I was already kinda ehhh about running due to some harassment I was receiving on and off Tumblr. So at that point I was more reserved about it

So my timeline is like:

Birth to 2012-ish: object crushes but no idea why

2012-2014: figuring out the label exists and questioning it

2014-2015: realizing it does apply to me, began relationship with my first car

2015-2017: open about it on main & running a porn blog

2017-2020: rarely brought it up directly

2020-present: more open about it again (as well as somewhere in there deciding to be more open about my relationship with Clockboy as an object, not just objecthead)

Idk if this helps at all but that's kinda the gist of figuring it out aha. I don't think you've always needed to know or anything, attractions can begin at any point in your life imo, but I think the following is important to consider if you're not sure:

What kind of attraction are you experiencing?

Is it romantic? Sexual? Both? Is it purely aesthetic? Or even platonic? All of these are incredibly valid, but I think if you have never felt "I want this object to be my romantic partner" or "I want to have sex with this object" then it might be worth doing some introspection on whether or not you "only" identify with the POSIC label -- a lot of those feelings really get muddied and that's what can make it confusing... But it's also possible you haven't found an object that you want that sort of connection with!

I think it's worth remembering you don't have to identify with the objectum label if, after self reflection, it doesn't resonate. Like I can't tell you how or how not to identify, and at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter that much, but if the experiences and feelings of other objectums feel close to your's, it might be worth exploring more as a label for yourself!

But yeah I hope this... All makes sense? Like my journey in particular may not be the like... Standard experience, since my whole life has just been me lusting after objects and once I had an object I considered my partner, it all relatively fell into place

[pretensesoup]

Queer books, day 31/30

Turns out I like writing about books in this format, but I read a lot more slowly than I write.

I asked on Mastodon for everyone's favorite romance novels with an NB character in them. Partly because I'm in the process of writing my own NB character and I wanted to see how other people had dealt with sex scenes (in the anatomic sense). Partly because I just wanted to see how anyone else conceptualized nonbinaryness*. That request led me to Sword Dance by AJ Demas. It only sort of answers my questions, but that's okay because it's amazing.

In an alternative version of the Mediterranean, Damiskos is an ex-soldier (now disabled) and current quartermaster who has been sent to visit an old friend (Nione) to secure a contract for fish sauce. At her house, he meets: a bunch of tedious philosophers led by Eurydemos (who seems to preach a very anti-alien, anti-LGBTQ agenda, and yet is writing poems for...), Varazda (a sword dancer and eunuch from Zash, another country in which Damiskos was once stationed and for which he harbors a deep affection), Varazda's "owner" Aristokles, and a few others. Quickly, Damiskos surmises that all is not as it seems--first, he foils an attempt on Varazda's life, and it becomes apparent that the relationship between Varazda and Aristokles may be a lie--in fact, they are conspiring to hide something far greater than the fact that Varazda is not actually a slave. Soon, Damiskos is teaming up with Varazda to solve a murder, then to avert a war and recapture Nione's villa from the philosophers. Oh, and falling in love.

Varazda is an interesting character. He (Damiskos's POV is the only one we get, and he uses male pronouns for him, although he says he thinks of himself as both male and female) was made a eunuch after his father lost a military engagement of some kind. He was then enslaved for a while, until he was sent to the Zashian embassy in Boukos, and then he was freed. This is obviously a major source of trauma, and Damiskos is in a unique place to appreciate that because of his time in Zash. As a result, Damiskos is extremely careful in their nascent relationship to let Varazda lead. Their relationship is very sweet in part because of this deference, and they deal with consent very well.

Key quote: (Varazda has been discussing how he doesn't always achieve an erection because of being a eunuch.)

Rather boldly, Damiskos said, "Want to see if we can make it happen again?" Varazda looked up in surprise. "What--right now?" "Yes, of course right now! Immortal gods. We're sitting on your bed, talking about how beautiful you are and whether or not you like sex--it's surprising I even need to say anything." "I am literally a eunuch, First Spear." After that they were both laughing...

As you might have guessed from the summary above, this is a world in which there is violence, homophobia/transphobia, and slavery, including sexual slavery. Women have some rights to own property, but they aren't voting citizens. The implication, reading between the lines, is that in the world generally, same-sex couples aren't too uncommon, and it's just Eurydemos's students who have a problem with them. (Eurydemos and his students reminded me a bit of Socrates and Plato, but of course Plato doesn't care that much about same-sex relationships, c.f. that one story from Symposium that got turned into a song from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. But I've been privileged to hear some angry Jesse rants about Plato since doing the podcast, and it reminded me of that. Anyway, as Plato says a lot, philosophers with bad opinions were a dime a dozen back in Athens, so.) Also, warning for explicit on-page sex.

*: Is Varazda nonbinary or is he gender fluid? I don't know. At one point, he says, "I never really think of myself as a man, but most of the time I'm quite happy for other people to think of me that way." Elsewhere, he implies that he doesn't want to be neither male or female, so he tries to be both. Maybe genderfluid is a better word for him. Maybe he can't articulate exactly how he feels, because he's not speaking to Damiskos in his first language, or because there isn't a word for how he feels. Either way, I enjoyed the way the character was portrayed.

That's it. Lots of action/plot, a good amount of romance, very engaging, love the setting. 10/10, go read it.

[cyberphuck]

No! No barriers, no caveats, no "making sure you're doing it right." Terfs and puriteens live down that road and they're waving to you and going "it's okay, it's fine, just make sure you're writing the right way" and NO! NO!!

You write whatever the fuck you want, however the fuck you want it, because writing is an outlet and an exploration and an expression and you are ALLOWED to explore and express things that some people call "sensitive subjects" (what does that entail exactly anyway, is it 'writing about sex I don't like' or 'writing about people I don't like' or what?).

It is NOT YOUR JOB to make other people comfortable! It is NOT YOUR JOB to adhere to OTHER people's sense of morality! It is your job to write out what's inside of you NO MATTER WHAT IT IS OR HOW IT MANIFESTS because writing stuff down DOES NOT HURT PEOPLE!! Exploring darker thoughts or "sensitive" subjects DOES NOT HURT PEOPLE.

Write a Lord of the Flies remake where they're all naked and having sex with each other. Write a slavekink story where one alien species is abused by the other "ohh but Jaydee are you considering the implications" FUCK OFF I'M EXPLORING TABOO SUBJECTS IN A PRODUCTIVE AND HEALTHY WAY. Write a bad portrayal of a marginalized person, just the worst. Should you know that this is not an accurate portrayal of this particular demographic? YES! Should that stop you? NO!!!!!!!!

Write what you want what you want what you want what you want. Write it how you want it.

"Well yes but you should always tag--" *hurls a cup of coffee at your head* WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT SHARING OR PUBLISHING WHAT WE WRITE ARE WE MISTER STRAWMAN?? I THINK YOU AND I KNOW THAT'S A WHOLE NOTHER ANGRY RANT DON'T YOU MISTER STRAWMAN????

"But what if a minor or an easily led person reads it and thinks --" *throws the entire k-cup maker at you* DID YOU KNOW IT'S ALSO NOT MY JOB TO LOOK AFTER OFF LEASH CHILDREN AND PEOPLE WITH NO MEDIA LITERACY? DID YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO READ AND INTERPRET YOUR WORK IN A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS OVER WHICH YOU HAVE NO CONTROL AND TRYING TO POLICE YOURSELF TO PLEASE LITERALLY ANY OF THEM WILL MEAN DEATH TO YOUR AUTHENTIC, CREATIVE SELF???

I HAVE EXACTLY ONE JOB AND IT'S WRITING WORDS DOWN IN WHATEVER FUCKING ORDER I WANT FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON I WANT AND THAT IS IT.

I WILL KEEP THROWING KITCHEN APPLIANCES AT YOU MISTER STRAWMAN, FUCK OFF!!!!!

'people can write whatever the fuck they want' and 'its good to approach writing about sensitive topics with some diligence and forethought' are statements which can and do coexist

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, August 14th, 2024.

Do you live with your biological mother? I don't. She lives in her own place with a roommate. I do live with my father, though.

Have you ever tried peanut butter and bananas together? Yeah. It's one of my favorite combinations.

What kind of music do you tend to like? Classic rock, classical, grunge, metal, country… My tastes are kind of all over the place.

Do you enjoy listening to Eminem? I rarely ever listen to him, but I generally enjoy his music when I do hear it.

What color are the sheets on your bed? Gray.

Are you a member on Bzoink? I used to be. Earlier this year, I thought I might like to get back into survey-taking, so I went to check their site and… :'( I was so sad to see they'd deactivated. Bzoink has been an on/off part of my life since…idk, maybe 2006-ish. But yeah - that's why I'm taking surveys here instead of there.

Do you believe in sex before marriage? I just feel like "believe" is such a weird way to word it, like we're talking about God or aliens or something like that. But yeah, I've had sex outside of marriage.

When was the last time you went on a shopping trip with just your mom? Last summer. I guess it wasn't really a shopping trip exactly, but we did visit Barnes & Noble.

Do you agree that Wal-Mart is the best? It's where I do my grocery shopping. (shrug)

Do you know anyone who married their high school sweetheart? No.

Orange or apple juice? Orange.

Have you ever seen anyone die? Animals, but never a human being.

Is there anything really interesting in your family history? There might be. I don't know a whole lot about my family history.

What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own? History, archaeology, anthropology, outer space, the paranormal, etc.

Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? No.

Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star? I wouldn't want to be either one of those things, but out of the two, I would prefer to be a rock star.

Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Yeah.

Have you ever sent someone a surprise through the mail? Yeah.

Of all animated movies, which is the best one you’ve ever seen? Maybe Watership Down or Ghibli films.

What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving? I usually listen to classical music while driving. It's especially nice for unwinding after a long day at the shelter.

What is the happiest way you can start your day? With a big bowl of oatmeal, coffee, and some trash YouTube.

What changes are you afraid of? I'm mostly afraid of losing my dad…or (prior to that) watching his health decline. I'm hoping that's still a long way off, though.

Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress? Not seriously.

What is your biggest goal for this year? Get to the point where full-time volunteer work is routine and comfortable.

Where do you want to be in 5 years? Working at the animal shelter, living in my own place, basically independent.

If you were traveling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Fly.

Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? I'm not sure.

If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? I do like the cold, but I think the literal North Pole would be too much of a good thing, lmao.

Get anything good in the mail recently? No.

If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted but it would have no effect on how much you weigh, what food would it be? Either potato chips or baked goods.

When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat? It depends. I guess I tend to do some sort of intuitive/subconscious assessment of the situation. Is it night or day? Where am I exactly (is it a typically safe place, etc)? Is this person behaving normally? Are they somewhere I would expect them to be under the circumstances? Do they have a weapon? Etc. I'm not likely to consider a random stranger a "potential friend," but I might see them as generally friendly, approachable, or what have you.

What do you really want to buy? A new phone. <- Same. Mine is practically a fossil at this point. It still works, but if I ever want to work at the animal shelter, I'm going to need a more up-to-date phone.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? Yeah.

Who was the last person you cut out of your life intentionally? I'm not sure.

Do you like watching scary movies? Yeah.

Do you know how to fish? In theory…?

Have you ever been given a rose? Yeah.

Do you eat live fish? No.

Would you get engaged right now? No.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Lacrymaria olor 2

In which a talk with Jimin clears up some very important questions about Jungkook.

Tags/Warnings: Alien AU, Alien!Jungkook, Human!Reader, Angst, Blood and Violence, Strangers to I don't know?

Additional Chapter Warnings: human!Jimin makes an appearance, Namjoon being forced to babysit lol, some talk about JK, lore?, soft JK oh my

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"You better take care of her, or I will pull your throat out of your neck, got it?" Jungkook smiles as he hugs you, eyes closed while his words are directed at Namjoon who clenches his jaw for a second, presumably biting back any comment he might have.

"Jungkook you're gonna be late-" you say, and he whines for a second before he parts from you, a pout on his lips while his hand caresses your cheek.

"I'll be back before the sun sets, promise." He tells you, and for a second, your breath stops when he leans in, to press a kiss to your forehead.

You're almost disappointed.

The moment he leaves, someone else puts a hand on your shoulder, friendly face coming into view next to you the moment you turn to check who it might be. "I'm Jimin. Namjoon has told me about you already." He offers, and you smile, relaxing now that you know there's no danger around.

"I've heard about you too." You mention a bit shyly, following him into the small home Namjoon owns together with the human.

"Only good things I hope!" Jimin chirps, leading you to a seating area near large windows, where he invites you with a pat on the blankets. "So, you're the king's obsession. Can't say I was surprised when I heard how infatuated he is with you." He chuckles.

"I.. honestly don't know why." You admit. "It's odd to me."

"It really isn't." Jimin responds, offering you something that looks like chocolate. "Temian people always follow strength. That's how society works for them." He shrugs.

"But.. then it makes even less sense." You say, surprised at the odd but pleasant taste of the candy. "I'm literally nothing but a bug compared to him. He basically crushed a guy's face in with his knee last week! And it didn't even look like he put much effort into it!" You argue, eyes wide while Jimin cringes a bit.

"Hm, I can imagine." He shudders. "But, they don't define strength as solely physical. You've survived on your own on a foreign planet for years after having the intention to sacrifice yourself for a friend. Dont worry, Namjoon dug up some things about you." He says. "So it makes sense he sees you as attractive."

You cough at that, looking at the fellow human as if he'd just grown a new head. "He what?!"

"Temians don't care about visual attractiveness, or even gender, you know? They only care about actions and character." He says. "Namjoon, for example, sees me as a partner just because I don't shy away from speaking my mind with him. It's weird how that works."

"So.. he's got a crush on me because I was homeless and illegally living on his planet?" You raise your eyebrow, making another person laugh- Namjoon, who sets down two steaming mugs of something herbal smelling.

"Jungkook deems you platonically and sexually attractive, yes. It is very obvious by the admittedly disgusting behavior he displays around you." He chuckles. "He's impressed by your past achievements. No other human would've dared to do what you did." The Temian explains.

"But.." you become a bit uncomfortable now, unsure.

"Dont be worried about any forced actions taken by him. I know that he can be.. a lot, especially in the departments of affection, but don't worry about accidentally saying something that could harm you. Against what your race believes, we're not animals." Namjoon tells you calmly. "A no is a no. The act of intertwining isn't one we take lightly."

"What he's saying is that sex is an almost sacred thing." Jimin explains rather bluntly, making your cheeks heat up a little.

"And Jungkook has been betrayed once before." Namjoon offers, his gaze a bit distant. "To see him like this again, fills me with comfort. For a long time, this side of him had not been seen by anyone." He says.

"He.." you start, and Jimin shrugs.

"His past lover left for a human mate she'd been screwing around with for a while. Jungkook knew, after all their senses are pretty sharp- but he always thought that she at least always came back to him." He tells you. "Until she didn't."

"Thays horrible." You say, unable to imagine the emotions that the king must've gone through. Until now, you had only seen him as either a carefree, impish young man or a very determined king - but this changed your perspective a bit.

Maybe you've judged him too quickly. Maybe there's more to him than what you've assumed.

You don't know when exactly you fell asleep, but after that tea and the warm conversations with Jimin, you simply couldn't help but nap away the rest of the day, knowing that Namjoon would watch over you, and Jungkook would pick you up later.

The young king in question is heard laughing a bit under his breath as he carefully looks at you, and you act asleep to find out what he might say if he was to think you weren't conscious yet.

"We spoke to her about Hana." Namjoon speaks somewhere in the background, and Jungkook's hand instantly leaves your body.

"Why? She doesn't need to know about that snake." He spits, and for a short moment, it's quiet before he speaks again. "And it's not like it concerns her anyways."

"You're clearly more than infatuated with her. She deserves to know you, and not just the you that stands here right now." The older Temian says.

"I do not pry at her past either, do I?" Jungkook bites back, clearly sounding irritated now. "Since when do we ever care about things that we can not change anyways? Is your human spoiling your brain?" He jokingly stabs.

"You're right." Namjoon caves in. "I'm just happy for you."

"How so?" He wonders, carefully removing the blanket you snuggled under.

Namjoon chuckles. "You seem happy."

"I am happy." He chuckles. "I receive honesty from her." He hums, carefully picking you up.

Bringing you home with him, back where you belong.

[frazzledsoul]

Eternals would have made a lot more sense if the romance primarily focused on Druig and Makkari.

I know it was an "accidental" ship but it makes sense. They were devoted to the mission and were kind of adventurous hellions who distrusted humans. Druig's conflict between using his mind-controlling abilities to keep humans from hurting each other and staying passive because it's morally wrong and against their mission is way more compelling than Ikaris deciding to either be an emotionless robot who is only devoted to what his robot God tells him or a sociopath who viciously attacks anyone who gets in his way. I could see Makkari basically staying on the ship and letting him do his thing because she understands why he's compelled to but isn't willing to join him. And then years and years go by and he doesn't come back, until he does and they agree to join forces. And then we get a sex scene that's actually worth watching.

Ikaris would work more as a celibate soldier boy who is above petty little concerns like love. His personal relationship with Sersi doesn't really sway either of their perspectives and we're not told how they managed to be together for five thousand years with such wildly divergent belief systems without ever being pulled on a new direction one way or the other at any time. We're not told why he decided to leave and never come back instead of have a conversation with his wife about how her life's work was futile, but that does illustrate that they had little in common to hold them together and didn't have great communication skills anyway. More to the point, he never really tries that hard to get her back. Why would he? They're being uploaded to the next planet in a few days. He's like to preserve the good memories, but their life as an superhero power couple is long over.

Ikaris is a religious fanatic. He loves Arishem more than he could love anyone or anything else, including Sersi. He's willing to commit extreme acts of violence to serve his master, and he doesn't deserve to be given brownie points for stopping short of physically attacking his estranged wife.

Sersi and Ikaris is not an epic love. It's actually quite pathetic. It should have never have been a thing.

If Sersi and Ikaris are just friends during the entire story, the same conflict will arise between them without having to explain why they were together so long despite having nothing in common and his willingness to keep huge secrets from her. Take out the montages and direct Richard a little differently during his two "love confessions" (you can still miss your friend and want to preserve your memories together without being in love with her and it makes more sense for a friend to only want that and reject all talk of a resumption of your romantic relationship as opposed to an estranged husband) and literally nothing will change.

Now we have Dane, who despite the protestations of certain GoT stan groups, is in a romantic relationship with Sersi. Ikaris seems to mostly exist as a romantic obstacle when it comes to him, but we can tweak that. Sersi feels pulled between her old life and her human ties to him and that doesn't require a romantic rival to make that a plot point. Sersi obviously cared for him and knew a great deal about his family, so this was a serious relationship despite multiple stans arguing otherwise. I'm not sure how much evidence is required to indicate to them that it exists. So Sersi not having an estranged husband but being an immortal robot alien is still weird enough on its own.

Druig and Makkari have shared values, goals, and actual chemistry, and come to each other's aid when threatened. Makkari's howl of outrage and attempt to beat the shit out of Ikaris when she thinks Ikaris has killed him was more indicative of a true romance than we got from any of the other three couples...until you get to Dane picking up that demon sword on Sersi's behalf that, is.

Drukkari forever. Should have been the whole story.

[rgr-pop]

I was literally JUST skimming that Rubin piece yesterday b/c my bf has been reading "Marxist feminist takes" on Instagram. They've been digging into anti-capitalist critiques of identity politics and what they referred to as queer theory (Is there a word for the instagram/tumblr theoretical cannon of like 2015-now?).

I have a women's studies degree (lmao) (one of the drabinski twins was my professor) and I feel strongly about Instagram theorists (we should talk about this, I'd love to hear your thoughts) so I was like let me pull out some PDFs for you to read some primary sources. Cause like Cohen was already critiquing queer theory in 97 with "Punks, Bulldaggers, and Welfare Queens." I know there's stuff out there.

Turns out that "The Traffic in Women" is one of the only PDFs I have saved from school (very sad!!! Why did I do this). I was more into Butler and Ahmed in school and always leaned more phenomenological so I have not dabbled heavily in Marxist analysis.

Do you have any recommendations for Marxist feminist readings? Recent or classic? They're particularly interested in anti-capitalist critiques of sex work and porn, like alienation from the body type stuff, but also contemporary queer identity politics type stuff.

yes yes! I want to hear and talk more about instagram theory. is this instagraphics? what is it?

briefly: i'm a nancy fraser stan and it's one of those things where i feel fully and totally insane that we got to this place in culture without people really being the way about nancy fraser that they are about adolph reed (which is to say: fighting over and consuming rabidly) (i may feel similar about barbara fields actually, tbd). what your bf is looking for is nancy fraser's fortunes of feminism. i have an investment in her work that's particularly about her commitment to periodization and unravelling conventional periodization--she and i are hung up on the same time period and the same problems of history, even if we're going different places with it. there's something about the way that she at once critiques an economic regime and the intellectual disciplinary apparatuses that led us to have believed something about the economic regime--this is why people like her as a "critic of neoliberal identity politics" or whatever. but she stays committed in the end, always, in a very old school marxist woman way, to not only thinking about the exploitation of women, but the belief that they are exploited--itself sort of a heated position lol... anywho i digress. i have read and reread this article so many times, it's one of those things i always return to when i'm charting a thought. another article that really steered me back into this was this long one from tithi bhattacharya, which came out before her social reproduction anthology, which i would also recommend. both of those articles are in there actually. i have not read this newer one by susan ferguson. when that anthology came out i remember picking up lise vogel's marxism and the oppression of women and having some complaints that i'm curious if i'd retain. since my gayle rubin phase i've been thinking about that book and... kate millet, actually? actually i have more on this later (fights with my very young men comrades about whether "patriarchy" is useful that i keep losing somehow) more later!

[chemicalarospec]

that we're cooler and better than everyone else

address the eternal aphobic claims (that mainly originate with radfems) - that we're not actually discriminated against, that we don't count as a sexual minority (usually because of the last false claim), that "aphobia" is just other kinds of discrimination put together and the word shouldn't be used (well, you don't have to put that one in the book specifically; i just saw it once)

historical documentation -- I can't list stuff off the top of my head but there's "non-limerant" people, there's "monosexual", there's stuff from before 1900 documenting us. since you're writing a book, you probably already know

different kinds of relationships we have (and how they're so much cooler and better (i'm joking again hahahha)). I'm not really a relationships expert and again, if you're writing a book, you probably know more than me. But made sure to include alloaro relationships. platonic marriage.

how while some of us have embraced the "evil" or "heartless" label (mainly aros), it still sucks that most depictions of characters who could be aromantic/asexual (bc it's not uncommon for a character to describe being uninterested in sex/romance/relationships but the author has no idea that it's a sexual orientation) fall under that trope. plus aliens plus robots.

that we have petty infighting and we should stop it

aplatonic people and other a-spectrums in the Split Attraction Model

we're sick of people acting like we're some obscure microlabel when we're literally the missing axis of "attraction to 1 gender, attraction to other gender, attraction to all/multiple genders, attraction to no genders"

the state of representation lagging behind other queer identities b/c writers/audiences focus on queer romance and also are actively aphobic (shoutout to our transhet siblings!)

I'm not an expert on this one either but I believe there is also continued alienation in IRL queer communities b/c they're also amatonormative (aroaces ain't at the gay bar...).

aromantic ideologies -- I'm not very familiar with these, but like lovepunk, lovequeer, loveless, etc. I think those are aromantic ideologies at least. But def aromantic as a political identity

the grey parts of the spectrums -- the people who sometimes experience attraction but it's rare or it just doesn't feel like 'normal romantic/sexual attraction'

we <3 single feminists writing articles about discrimination against single people but we wish they would talk about us more. abolish the financial privileges of marriage.

we need to reinvent the home unit because one of the financial privileges of marriage isn't legal at all and it's just that you have two people pooling their money together and sharing their things.

Yasmin Bentiot Ace in the UK report data.

Aces and aros are major targets for conversion therapy and highly discriminated against in the medical field.

That's all I can think of right now!

ATTENTION ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC PEOPLE.

I am writing a book on the asexual and aromantic communities. What are some things that you guys would like to see in it?

[moistmailman]

SCP AU part 2

*Jaune is pushed into a room with a bag over his face before the door shuts on him*

Jaune, slightly muffled: H-HEY! I SAID LET ME GO DAMNIT! *cautiously reaches for bag and touches it before ripping it off*

Jaune, immediately turning to the door and banging on it: I SWEAR TO GOD YOU GUYS BETTER LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! WHAT KINDA FUCKED SOCIAL EXPERIMENT IS THIS?! *continue banging*

Jaune, continuing his assault on the door: MY MOM’S A LAWYER BY THE WAY! SHE’LL SUE YOUR ASSES, I SWEAR IT! SHE’LL SUE YOUR ASS SO HARD THAT WE’LL GET FINANCIAL CONPENSATION FROM YOUR DAMN GRAND KIDS! *bangs louder* YOU HEAR ME! HELLO.....IM SERIOUS.....nobody can hear me, can they?

Pyrrha: I can hear you.

*Jaune squeaks loudly before getting in a karate stance while turning to see a tall redhead girl around his age with vivid green eyes sitting on a bed*

Jaune, internally: What the fuck?! How long has she been here?!

Pyrrha, awkwardly waving: Hello.

Jaune, awkwardly waving back: Uh..hi.

*an awkward silence fall on the two, with the blonde slightly blushing and the redhead staring at him with interest*

Jaune, internally: Holy shit, she’s pretty. My god, she absolutely stunning. She has got to be the prettiest girl I’ve seen in my li— Wait Wait, Jauney-Boy, you're getting side tracked. What the fuck is going on in here, and why did those guys put me in a room with a very hot girl with really long and smooth legs�� GAH, HORMONES THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT MATTERS TO ATTEND TO!

Pyrrha: *giggles while slightly blushing*

Jaune, terrified:......w-was I t-talking out loud?

Pyrrha: Hmm? Oh no. *smiles teasingly* Why? What were you thinking about?

Jaune, voice cracking: N-nothing. Nothing at— *clears throat* H-hey, I’m Jaune.

Pyrrha, smiling: Pyrrha, charmed.

Jaune, internally: Wow, even her name is pretty.

Pyrrha: *snickers cutely*

*Jaune looks around to see what she’s snickering at to see nothing*

Jaune, shrugging it off: So uhm....they tricked you with the social experiment, huh?

*Pyrrha thinks for a moment, before a coy smile gets plastered on her lips*

Pyrrha: Yeah, you can say something like that.

Jaune: Damn. Who the hell are these people, and you have any idea what they even want from us?

Pyrrha, shaking her head: Your guess is as good as mine.

Jaune, sighing: Great. Isn’t today just wonderful. Should’ve known that offer was too good to be true. *slide his back against the wall until he’s sitting* Teach me not to read documents people tell me to sign.

*MEANWHILE, SOMETIME LATER*

Cinder, sighing: Wow, great plan, Roman. We are learning things about her so fast.

Roman: This takes patience, Cinder.

Cinder, frustrated: The boy haven’t even said anything to her for the past 5 minutes! He’s just sitting his ass on the floor. The boy is socially handicapped!

Roman: That’s not my fault! You're the one who pick him!

Cinder: Well you were the one to make this stupid plan in the first place! How will the boy even ask her about her powers in the first place if he doesn't even know that he needs to ask?!

Roman: Geez, I don't know! How did I know about you being an only child?

Cinder: Be—

Roman: Because I asked you as a curious person who wants to know about my friend! Now believe it or but if I got under the assumption that you started reading my mind, you bet your ass I would ask you about it, especially if I was trapped in a small room with you!

Cinder: But why would SCP-312 answer the question if she knows what we're trying to—

Roman, urgently: Hush! Something's happening!

*MEANWHILE*

Jaune: *has been moving uncomfortably on the floor for the past 5 minutes*

Pyrrha, scooting in her bed: Hey, you wanna sit next to me? The floor looks pretty uncomfortable.

Jaune: Really? You're alright with that?

Pyrrha, smiling warmly: Of course. The bed's large enough. *Pat beside her* Here.

Jaune, slightly blushing: O-oh, Uh, sure then. Thanks.

*Jaune walks over to the bed before sitting down, his cheeks crimsoning*

Pyrrha: There, is that better?

Jaune: Y-yeah. T-thanks.

Pyrrha: Youre welcome:

*Once again the room fall to silence as the boy looks everywhere but at the very attractive girl he's shoulder to shoulder with*

Jaune, internally: God, what's wrong with me?! I just got kidnnapped yet I'm more worried about this super hot girl sitting next to me! I can barely form coherent sentences around her! Damn, my hands are all sweaty too! She's so close! I can feel her body warmth! Just calm down, Jauney. Calm down already. Take a deep breath, and try to strike up a conversation with her. This silence is deafening.

Jaune, taking a deep breath: So, what—

Pyrrha: *Facing Jaune with a warm smile*

Jaune, voice wavering: —y-y-your.......*turns away in embarrassment*

Jaune, internally: For god sake! I can’t get used to that smile! It’s like beautiful personified. God damnit. I need to keep a conversation going, at least until those guys come back! Okay think! What did mom tell me about talking to girls?

A memory starts playing inside Jaune’s head with his mother’s voice: Remember Sweetie, women love wedding rings, but they love babies more.

Jaune, internally:.....is...is that it?! Really?! That’s literally the only advice my mother has ever given more for girls. How the hell is baby propaganda supposed to help me in this situation?! What kinda— okay, calm down. I have another parent. What did dad tell me?

Another memory starts playing in Jaune’s head, this time with his father’s voice: Son, I have absolutely no idea how I managed to make your mother fall for me. I am not the man you should be asking. You’ll probably have a better shot asking the stars that question.

Jaune, internally:.........I’m going to die alone, aren’t I? My parents managed to make the opposite sex so completely alien to me, despite me having 7 sisters! What he actual fuck?! This is an absolute disaster! This can’t get any worst!

*Jaune then remembers one crucial detail of the predicament he’s in*

Jaune, internally: OH GOD! I FORGOT I WAS ALSO KIDNAPPED! WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS TODAY?! I’M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE IN HERE AND I CANT EVEN STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH THE GIRL WHO WILL POSSIBLY DIE WITH ME! I AM A DISGRACE TO EVERY ARC TO EVER LIVE! I CAN FEEL MY ANCESTORS LOOKING AT ME WITH DISGUST! OH GOD! WHAT THE—

*Suddenly Jaune’s nerves instantly drop and a calm aura surrounds him, almost like it just completely disappeared and got replace with an warm and inviting energy*

Jaune, confused: Huh?

*The weight on Jaune’s hand then became evident, as he looked down and found Pyrrha’s hand gently lying on his, almost reassuringly*

Jaune, slightly blushing:.........

Pyrrha, in soothing tone: So, tell me about yourself.

Jaune, no longer feeling nervous for a reason he doesn’t know why:...........well, I just graduated from college.

*MEANWHILE*

Cinder, frantically: WRITE THAT DOEN, WRITE THAT DOWN!

Roman, equally as frantic: I AM! I AM!