#i know there have been other ppl that have basically posted the same thing and their names are probably better
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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was rewatching sink or swim and decided to give chase and bree middle names
adam: adam charles davenport (which we already know yada yada)
bree: bree bella davenport
chase: chase anthony davenport
#we (me and my sister) wanted to give bree and a name and chase a b name but it just wasn't working out#so instead we just went backwards in terms of abc (so ya know cba)#i know there have been other ppl that have basically posted the same thing and their names are probably better#but i like what i chose#honestly adam charles is probably my least favorite out of the three#just realized that this makes it look like i named bree after brie bella....i in fact did not#lab rats#lab rats bionic island#lab rats elite force#adam davenport#bree davenport#chase davenport
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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truly something that, amidst facing / going through a dramatic Life Change ft. unavoidable emotional effects of that, there are instances where i can't conceal any & all degrees of being distressed / upset, & repeatedly getting "it's hard for me too" as a Direct Response to that: really something & a half how the asserted theoretical Sympathy of [i feel similarly!] is invoked so as to, oh you know, preclude sympathetic Treatment. such as that what would be More sympathetic in these instances would be to say Nothing, "if there's nothing but dismissal / making it first & foremost about someone else's feelings to say, don't say it at all" style
#reading also that original Lovelessness essay ''love is meant to make me human / love is also the mechanism by which my humanity#has been denied'' always preferring to have [sorry! couldn't fully bottle up this Emotiona externally manifesting at all!] Ignored rather#than ''nicely'' interacted with so as to Invalidate; Dismiss; someone's annoyed at you for having it; etc#for bonus context like we are not in the same boat with it.#not a case of ''the same situation; mine is worse though'' like no; fundamentally different situations here lmao. mine is worse#If You Feel So Bad. Or At All. then at least now do me the favor of Not Saying That; Repeatedly#their feelings put on me too in other ways. stewing resentment into lashing out; tossing out ''but i'm justified'' like ok! Your business!!#the ol like. If You're Going To Do Something Anyways then how you justify it to yourself is Your business / b/w you & your god as they say#& the last thing to do is be making it the problem of ppl Most Affected by what you're gonna do anyways & Also ask their Absolution.....#like if you need more moral support abt What You're Doing Anyways: turn to Anyone Else. even No One if you have to.#bit going tf through it when it's spilling over into Posting but such is life!! we all have that [the horrors. girl help] blogger on dash#again the tl;dr like oh you don't say. the [umm but have you considered? My Feelings! (they're so sympathetic at all. yor welcome)] is#the mechanism through which Really basic sympathy is being denied & replaced with [Saying Nothing would've been less hurtful]#misgendering me the other night too while Also all 'hey I'm trying to talk to the customer service. why are You going up & talking first'#(that was me experiencing the latter. i didn't say it but i was like cmon. my glasses are fogging up w/surgical mask (don't have access to#more effective masks so doing what Nonzero i can there) i'm a bit carsick i'm weathering a crisis. can i have anything here lol)#just Oh You Know. The Horrors....#balancing ofc trying to endure trying to self soothe etc etc. with ''it's the horrors. it's gonna be horrific & you're gonna be affected''#ah the [being kind to oneself] like also means knowing how reasonable it is to Not solo contain & endure & Cope Through everything....#crushing a paper cup in my hands genuinely i would like to generously thank my virtual allies out here today. mic feedback#irl In Real Life? life is Real asf here & nobody Realer than them
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#idk if this is angsty or not so im just gonna throw it in the tags#but like. i fully know what my problem is. and how i could fix it. and literally the only thing making me sad and upset is myself#why? because my choice of medium is writing. because that makes it incredibly difficult to get anything out there and get people interested#in my creations. cause visual media is preferred so much over written anything cause its so much easier to consume#it doesnt help that i dont work with popular characters or ships (literally my current work im most excited about is for a ship only *i*#have contributed to so far. like.. we are talking that level of unpopular choices here)#and like. i dont say this to shame or blame anyone. this is obviously my choice. ive decided to do both of these things when i could have i#so much easier. i wouldnt be better at it if i did visual shit still. im way worse at that than writing. ive always been a writer first#but.. honestly seeing the difference with interaction and even in general interest due to these factors...#idk man. again i know this is entirely self inflicted like i chose this. i chose all of these things. and continue to do so#ive literally seen all of this. im not making it up. im not talking about just in general im talking this has happened to me personally#that rare time in june i made and posted art? do you understand the amount of ppl that said 'ive missed your stuff'?#the same people that dont consume my current works due to their form and have never went on the lengths to say the same thing about#my writing? when i took a two year hiatus from all of that basically? but a few months of visual arts?#idk fam im just. i understand all of this but im hurt. you know?#cause i know it doesnt matter. and its so much more difficult. i know there are people out there who love and appreciate what i do#and who understand how important this is to me compared to other stuff and before and whatnot#but at the same time the negatives (that are mostly in my head but they are still real things and they still hurt) are so much louder#i dont know where im going with this. im just thinking. excuse the brain barf#or dont. whatever. im just.. acknowledging my recent feelings. there is a reason i had a breakdown few days ago and yesterday was so rough#i should probably go to bed. sorry about this#its not gonna change anything in how stuff is viewed or how im gonna act about it but just.. you know. putting this out there#the inequality of how art is treated just has me thinking. that maybe im not made for this#maybe i should just be the below mediocre visual artist that does things that give them no happiness just cause it gets more attention#idk. just. yeah#good night#night is an absolute mess on main
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That angst fic 😵💫😵💫 got me thinking, what about a similar smut fic where when reader is stressed and overworked the boys try to be gentle and caring but all she wants is to be rough fucked, degraded, the works. She has to plead with them but they eventually cave. But once they are done it’s back to soft and sweet aftercare. So basically, open masochist reader :3 I could also lowkey imagine reader being insecure about wanting it to be rough and mean, I see so much stuff of people demonizing it on social media, definitely makes it something that is difficult to be open about. I think a lot of ppl also get it confused with CNC which is not the same thing. Consent and safety are what matters
-🍭
Salty and Sweet
Characters: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, FAB!Reader
Warning content: smut, dirty talk, vulgar language, , Satoru is a bit hesitant
Word Count: 1,680
A/N: Anon, you have inspired me. This is a little blurb of what I could see happening in a case like this! I’m working on Escort!Gojo and another request! I was hoping to have that request done tonight (but it’s taken a life of its own) I try to post once a day, but I’ve been working ten-hour days for the last two weeks, so I’m exhausted. 😵💫
Your boyfriends watched as you paced back and forth, arms crossed as you chewed on your bottom lip. You had mentioned wanting to talk to them about trying something new, but you seemed to be hesitant and struggling to find the right words. If they were being honest, it was almost cute seeing you struggle to voice what you wanted. The timid, innocent side of you was so adorable the duo wanted to smother you with kisses and cuddles.
“I don’t know if I can say it!” You yelled out, tilting your head back with a groan.
Suguru smiled, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “You can tell us anything, Y/N. Trust me, this is a safe space.” While his words were comforting, you still found yourself hesitant to voice your wants.
“Suguru’s right. There’s only one way to know if we’re okay with what you want us to try.” Satoru added, leaning back against the couch with a yawn.
“I know! I know!” Your flustered tension was shifting into more frustration. “I just don’t want you to, ya know, think that I’m some deviant.”
Satoru and Suguru shared a look; their years of friendship always came out in times like these; they both held hands in front of their mouth before leaning in close to each other. Their voices dropped maybe a tone as they fake whispered to each other.
“Do you wanna tell her or me?”
“You tell her that being in a poly-relationship is pretty deviant.”
“Oh yeah, for sure!”
Satoru’s head jerked in your direction with a devious smirk. “Hey, you kno—“ Satoru smacked his lips together the instant he saw how flushed you were, how you hugged yourself as tight as you could while you watched them in mortification. “Y/N, hey, no, it’s okay.” The duo stood from their spots on the couch, their stomachs dropping as you dropped your head, focusing on the ground.
Whatever it was that you wanted to try had you twisted in knots of unease and shyness. “Please, for once, can you guys take me seriously.” The room was like being in the eye of a hurricane before it hit. “This is hard for me to say because many people misinterpret what I wanted in the past. I don’t want to scare you guys off or have you look at me any differently.” Suguru put a reassuring hand on your back, gently rubbing it up and down, encouraging you to continue while Satoru gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.
“Sorry, please tell us.”
“Yeah, we won’t look at you any differently.”
A bitter scoff escaped the back of your throat. “You say that now, but so many people in the past demonized what I wanted and got it confused with different kinks.”
“Y/N, come on, babe, just tell us.”
With a deep breath, you sighed with a nod. “Okay, just promise you’ll at least consider what I’m asking. You can take as much time as you need.” Both your boyfriends nodded in understanding. Fuck, your hands were clammy as you shook them out. Now was the time. “I-I want you both to be mean to me in bed.” You blurted out.
You waited for the worst reactions. Like them pulling away from you in disgust, asking a million questions, or wanting to comply with your desires. Which was fine. They were not required to do what you wanted in bed.
Neither of them did anything close to that. They just hummed, watching you, waiting for you to continue like they wanted you to specify what that meant. What you wanted, how you wanted it, when you longed for this to occur. You were waiting a second more for your glance up between your dark-haired boyfriend before your gaze drifted to Satoru.
“Okay, so, I was hoping maybe we could have really rough sex? Maybe you could degrade me, be a little nastier?”
Gojo’s beautiful ivory skin was dusted with a faint blush, his eyes leaving you before focusing on Suguru. “I don’t have much experience in that; could you give me some pointers, Suguru?” Suguru didn’t need to answer because one second you were standing between them, and the next you were over his shoulder with Gojo trailing behind like a puppy.
Minutes passed, or maybe it had been hours. It was hard to tell with all the oxytocin and dopamine that flooded your brain. Your wants and needs were finally embraced for the first time. Suguru took the lead, and fuck Satoru was right. Suguru did have pointers for him.
“Oooh~ you nasty fucking slut.” Suguru degraded his hands wrapped in your hair, forcing you to choke on Satoru’s cock. “Taking two cocks at once like a dirty nasty fucking whore.”
”S-Suguru, do you have to be so mean?” Satoru was struggling a bit more to really get into the whole degrading you thing. He wasn't uncomfortable with it, more so that he wasn’t sure how to do it. He needed practice to ease himself out of the role as a soft dom and more into a hard, demanding dom.
Suguru cocked a dark eyebrow up at his boyfriend as his cock slammed in and out of your dripping pussy. “Mean?” He pulled your hair lifting you off Satoru’s cock. “I’m not being mean in the slightest. Look at our dirty slut.” Following Suguru’s demands, Satoru looked down at you, his cock twitching as you both made eye contact.
You were a drooling mess. Eyes rolled back into your head as Suguru snapped his hips forward, causing a yelp to rise from your throat. Your hair was a disheveled mess, tears were staining your cheeks, and goddamn, you looked like you were having so much fucking fun.
“M-More~” you begged, tongue lolling out as Suguru pucked up the pace of his thrusts. “M-More, please!”
”Oh, Oh!” Suguru smirked, releasing your hair, causing your head to drop into Satoru’s bare lap. “You heard her, Satoru, the greedy little whore wants more.”
“Yeah?” Satoru gently stroked strands of hair out of your face as you struggled to keep your head up. “You want a more sweet girl?”
”Y-Yeah, I do.”
Satoru needed some form of guidance, so he looked up to his best friend. His dark hair pulled over his right shoulder, his dark eyes transfixed on your head. “Go on, Satoru, give her what she wants.” The way Suguru purred Satoru’s name had you both shivering.
”Okay, okay,” Satoru gently pulled your hair, “you’re going to suck my cock like a good girl, aren’t you?”
”Y-Yes Satoru, I’ll suck it for you, I’ll suck it, so go—oooh!!” Suguru slapped Satoru’s hand away. ”Naggh! Ah fuck S-Sugu!”
”You’re doing it all wrong, you himbo.” Satoru gritted his teeth as Suguru forced your mouth down onto his cock again. “She wants you to be fucking mean. Trust me. I feel her slutty fucking cunt clenching around me. She loves this, don’t you, Y/N?” All you could do was hum in response, deepthroating Satru breathing through your nose. “Look at her, being a greedy fucking whore, getting all her holes filled at once.”
Between the warmth of your mouth and the tears in your eyes, Satoru’s balls tightened, his ab’s flexing as he gently began fucking into your mouth. “Fucking slut.” Satoru’s words had you whimpering around him, and you bobbed your head faster, eager for him to degrade you more.
”That’s more like it, Satoru!” Suguru grinned, his free hand reaching down, rubbing your cit in fast circles. “Keep talking to her like that. She’s getting so close.”
You mumbled in agreement, only to have your words choked off by the fat cock forcing its way further down your throat. “What was that? You want to cum bitch?” You could only gag. “Ah, sorry, it’s hard to hear you when you're gagging on my cock.”
You gagged, cried, and trembled as both men fucked into you ruthlessly, your walls clamped down, eyes rolling back as you clutched the sheets so hard you were surprised that they didn’t rip as your orgasm hit you. It was so intense, wave after wave of pleasure! You moaned and gagged around Satoru’s cock; the white-haired man let out a whimper as he fucking his cum down your throat, biting his lip as your tight cunt hugged Suguru so tight you fell against you back, rutting into you like some animal in rut.
“Oh fuck princess, oh fuck, you want all my cum~? Hm? Then take it!” With one final deep thrust, Suguru came inside your still-twitching cunt. “Oooh fucking hell! That’s it, milk me bitch, milk me for all I got!” It was somewhere in between that moment that Gojo gently pulled you off his sensitive cock. “H-Haah shit baby.”
“S-She felt so good.”
This was heaven. You were in heaven with your boyfriends. You felt so satisfied, so normal, and thankful as the two of them were not at all shaming you for your kinks. God, thinking about all of the nasty little things they would say and do to you from now on turned you on.
“Felt good?” you panted roughly as Suguru smirked. “you honestly thought this skank would be content with one orgasm? No, we're nowhere near being done, are we, princess?” You were lifted with ease by Suguru as he planted you directly in Satoru’s lap. “Let’s continue, shall we?” His cock brushed over your bottom lip. “Safeword is pineapple.”
#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk reader smut#jjk#jjk y/n#jjk reader insert#jjk gojo smut#jjk geto#jjk men#jjk drabbles#reader jjk#gojo x reader smut#jjk geto smut#gojo x reader x geto#suguru geto smut#geto x reader smut#gojo imagine#gojo smut#gojo x reader#gojou satoru x reader#geto suguru smut#getou suguru x reader#geto smut#geto x reader#satosugu smut#gojou satoru x y/n#satoru x reader#satosugu x y/n#satosugu x reader
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I miss ur writings sm :(
I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!
content warnings: none
a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!
2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader
sfw:
- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏
• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.
• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞
• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.
• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.
• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.
- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.
• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting
• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.
- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.
- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.
-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.
• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉
-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.
-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.
• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).
• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱
- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.
a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞
taglist: none right now
#tokio hotel#bill kaulitz#tokio hotel x reader#tokio hotel bill kaulitz#bill kaulitz x reader#bill kaulitz x yn#tokio hotel fanfics#i hope this wasnt completely terrible#i havent written in forever 😞
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I can’t find it now, but you had a post about Kabru being high-masking, and you said you didn’t think he was, which is completely fair! I had a different opinion as someone who is high-masking AuDHD and wanted to share (but of course now I can’t find the post 9_9)
Personally, I read Kabru as being high masking autistic, with one critical difference between us: he’s an extrovert. I’m actually more like Milsiril than Kabru - I collect/make dolls, I’d rather be at home than anywhere else, I’ve been called creepy and weird and gloomy for all of those things, but I also learned how to mask relatively early on, so most people don’t ever get to see that side of me. For me it’s a lot of work and energy- most of the time. If I’m around people I like, it’s less so, but people in general take a lot of my energy. Kabru, on the other hand, is very extroverted. He gets a lot of energy from interacting with people, and for the most part his personality and interests are acceptable to the society he lives in. BUT his interest in dissecting people’s motivations and how they communicate and interact and how to move them in the direction he wants them to go, that’s considered overly intense and creepy even by his party. Kabru keeps a lot of his thoughts and honest reactions internal because he’s aware of how people interact and what is or isn’t acceptable. I do the same thing, and I engage in a fair bit of “manipulation” (neutral) as part of my masking - I know that asking people for advice, showing interest in their lives, complaining together about things, etc, will cause them to view me more favorably and I use that to keep myself “safe”, along with basically never talking about my interests. I’m friendly and open and helpful and I almost never fight back against anything, so people “like” me. It’s not all *fake*, but it’s not the whole truth either. I’d rather not engage in conversation at all, because I can’t talk honestly about my interests without being considered creepy- but if Kabru’s special interest is people and how they interact, to some degree he can talk about his interests without it seeming weird.
Anyways, that’s my perspective :D also thank you for being a Milsiril defender, it’s… really painful to see people calling her manipulative and superior. I know a lot of it is bc ppl DO NOT understand anyone who likes dolls as an adult but like….. liking dolls has less than nothing to do with “needing to feel superior” or in control -_-
Hello!! I collect dolls too!!! Proud to be nº1 Milsiril defender.
That's an interesting perspective! As far as I understand (I'm autistic too so I don't have personal experience to how allistic people work) everyone does some amount of masking, as in everyone has a version of themselves they use to interact with others and that "mask" usually falls when you're with people who know and understand you better
As I understand that type of mask is expected in society? Like you wont act at work the same way you do with your college friends (usually). But as some tumblr post said "we are the mask and the wearer" as in those masks are still a part of who they are.
That's why I said I didn't think Kabru was high masking, I hadn't heard that term before so I was confused
Maybe I don't fully get it but keeping some parts of yourself inside and not expressing it to people who wont understand is common among allistic and autistic people but masking is this but in a way more stressful way? Since you aren't just hiding facets of who you are you're making an active effort to hide the whole thing basically.
Kabru's mask seems to come easily to him and it doesn't seem like he makes an conscious effort to go against his nature to hide who he is that's why I said he probably doesn't do high masking in that sense. But in another sense he IS highly adaptable to the people around him and studies how people act so I understand that perspective! It's more of a personal interpretation tbh.
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y’all i found it, i found the post that originated the claim that i’m a ZionistTM and it’s even more ridiculous than i expected.
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this is, of course, the same person who labeled me a MisogynistTM for making a half baked joke reblog basically saying “jewish standards of masculinity are different than white western standards of masculinity” then cited orthodox judaism, a community i’m not a part of, as why Actually The Jewish Community Is Horrifically Misogynistic And Bad (as if i haven’t faced misogyny from jewish cis men before???????)
anyway, my post in this screenshot didn’t once mention israel. it didn’t mention zionism. it was talking about antisemitism. i turned off reblogs because people were making it about zionism and israel, which was derailing my original point. i set a specific boundary and people kept crossing it, so i turned reblogs off and blocked people who wouldn’t leave it alone. absolutely nothing about that could possibly indicate that i’m a zionist unless you think that diaspora jews setting boundaries about being forced into a conversation about israel, especially one where we are essentially being blamed for the antisemitism we face because of the government of a country we don’t even live in and have no control over (there’s a phrase that, it’s called dual loyalty and it’s been getting jews killed for decades) or if you think simply talking about the history of antisemitism and current rising levels of antisemitism is somehow “zionist propaganda” in which case you might want to get your head out of your ass and question why you’re agreeing with literal nazis. also bonus points for this person literally just blatantly blaming jews in the tags for the rise in antisemitism because we’re apparently not being antizionist enough to deserve basic human decency and safety! not even trying to hide it anymore huh!
and of course it worked like a charm bc now, months later, you have people saying this:
“the jew is trying to disguise himself as one of you to trick you!!!!!! he is actually evil and trying to manipulate you to further his evil (((zionist))) plans!!!!!!!!!! beware!!!!!!!!!!!” which is literally just repackaged antisemitic tropes that are centuries old. i’ve never interacted with the person in this screenshot in my entire life, and yet they seem to think they have insider knowledge into my Evil Zionist Plans to infiltrate the community and spread Zionist Propaganda because they interacted with one gentile witch that threw a hissy fit about being told not to be antisemitic in discourse about gentiles appropriating lillith. this gentile decided that every single jew who disagreed with them was a zionist, and when i told them it was antisemitic as fuck to call any jew they disagree with a zionist they went on about me being a “raging zionist” and “faking being queer” for DAYS. so it’s not a mystery where the person in this screenshot got the “ooh scary (((zionist))) pretending to be queer and trans to spread his evil (((zionist))) propaganda” rhetoric from. it’s word-for-word from the gentile witch who was pissed about fucking LILLITH DISCOURSE.
bc the thing is, these ppl don’t actually care if i’m a zionist. if they did, they would be engaging with what i’ve said (which is practically nothing because i knew the second the word israel touched my blog that this would happen — which is why i didn’t want people going on and on about israel on a post about antisemitism). they know that labeling a jew a zionist is an immediate death sentence in progressive circles. they know it’s the easiest way to discredit a jew you don’t like. because it doesn’t matter how many times you say “no, i’m not” you will be forever tainted in the eyes of gentiles by that accusation. that’s why they made the accusation in the first place. and so i will continue to not share any of my thoughts or opinions other than “i’m pro palestinian liberation” and “i’m not a zionist” and people will ignore that to play yet another game of Zionist Telephone to target a jew they don’t like. it’s not the first time it’s happened, to me or in general, and it won’t be the last time. i just hope people seeing this and reading this will help people understand how fucked up and antisemitic it is.
so yeah. if you see accusations floating around that i’m a zionist, this is where it came from. a situation that is textbook dual loyalty, being punished for setting boundaries on my own blog, and people who hate trans men jumping at the chance to demonize one with one of the easiest tricks in the book as soon as they see he’s also jewish. the fact i keep having to address this when the origin of the rumor is literally just antisemitism should heavily inform how seriously you take random claims online that a jew is a zionist. most of the time it’s just blatant antisemitism, and very often it’s a way to silence an unrelated conversation that person was trying to have.
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Hi gamers guess who's thinking abt unit swap stuff again. Shiho and Saki discussing who would be best fit to play the cast in their musicals knowing full well they're going to assign Honami to the main character like they always do and the Saki will insist on playing the main villain like she always does and then Ichika gets stuck playing every other character while also playing the trumpet like he always does
#rat rambles#sekai posting#unit swap au#shiho initially only does backstage work when it comes to their actual shows but eventually they get talked into taking some on stage roles#also yeah Ive been fleshing them out a bit more but mostly in the concept department as unfortunately there rly isnt much more I can do#without fleshing out wxs too and Im too scared to and also have too few ideas#most of what I've said in the past of each of their general roles in production still holds true but Ive musicalified them#one thing I do want to do with them is have them make more and more connections with the other units as time goes on#so eventually what was initially going to be a 2 person project turns into a whole hord of ppl helping shiho and the gang#this is mostly because of my current vison of unit swap shiho and I think itd be cute to see them be surrounded by so much support#they still mostly insist on only having the 4 of them perform on stage but occasionally rui pops in to help with backstage stuff in shows#shiho is an actual actor in and plenty of folks will show up to help with set design#also fun honami struggling rly hard with acting until eventually it starts to click and suddenly the others keep asking her for advice and#she has absolutely no idea what to tell them because she doesnt even know how she started being able to stand on stage without trembling#let alone how she got to a point where others look up to her acting she just walks on stage blacks out and then wins#the secret is that in the dance club she joined to try to get better endurance minori pushed her into the deep end on accident#you see minori made the club along side airi to basically try to get a better grasp on dancing by teaching it since she had spent most of#her time just learning and practicing by herself and airi was like well maybe a good way to wrap your head around it better would be to#stop bashing your head into the same wall and try changing your perspective with it a bit#or smth like that again still in development stuff#and since minori basically threw herself in the deep end when she was first learning she tried to start similarly with the others#which had mixed results as it meant that they spent a lot longer on parkour than dancing during the first year dvskdhjd#all while minori continued to give everyone else heart attacks every meeting with her messed up cartoon luck#but hey all of this did absolute wonders for honami's physical capabilities and also for her confidence to a degree at least#bad news now saki always tries to write in unecesary action in every scene and shiho has to be like we are not making honami do a backflip#everytime she has a line#also Im sure you could put two and two together by now but yeah saki and shiho write most of the scripts together#ichika usually helps with the music composition and all of them work together to brainstorm and create the set pieces and costumes#they may have like zero budget but they have the power of ✨friendship✨ and also eventually rui#oh yeah and honami plans out most of the choreography with some imput from the others
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any tips on how to draw in the splatoon style?
Ive been trying over and over to answer this question but i simply can't, cus i dont know how i make stuff, i did 2 tutorials in the past and they are simply me going "yeah you just go black in your mind and then come back and boom!" I tried to film myself a few times but still it's simply me zoning out filling a canvas of millions of sketches and then just drawing and drawing. There's no step by step thing, I simply just go BRBRBRBRBBRR and like adding really REALLY specific details and then BRBRBRBBR.
I tried hard, to think, why I make it accurate, I honestly tried for over 4 years to do splatoon looking art before i even opened this account, especially for commissions or doing more splatband art, people can give you feedback and if you're good enough they'll pay you.
I really came to think I was the best to just hate the art i did 3 days after, I did the "pufuu" moment trying to fake leake art or something and you can really put there if ppl is 1) so desesperated for new art 2) youre good at it
Then I tried to think, well did i studied the style? Yesss,,, at the begining, then i starts to differ as different artists besides Inoue, and his style also develops, so basically as long it fits,,
These 3 drawings just look complely different from each other and still it simply makes them more unique.
"But then how you make it splatoon?" You simply can't, cus it is not just one person, there is a lot, make it your own, give it your own twist, but, what about brushes, THATS what gives the style... right?
MogaChumu, on devianart
this art LOOKS officinal, but it isnt, thre's barely any rough edges like in original, there's some shading but it is not like in the original
is it the anatomy? neither, you can clearly see how they change every time how they draw inklings, sometimes the draw eyebrows in place, sometimes they round the faces sometimes they color pink they mouth despite the ink color. IT IS NOT JUST ONE PERSON.
I can't really give you more than this. As I mentioned in other posts, I use clip studio paint, my brushes were made by myself 4 years ago. If you have a hard time making your own there's (again) pufuu's brush set for procreate: https://x.com/pufuulive/status/1427743911708143617?lang=bn
the same but for psd and csp: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/15Ib-jyvKxIDi0um0FnX3LcBet6m1pym3
and if you use another program just search for "Splatoon brushes" and go to the image tab, ive seen brushes uploaded in devianart for paint tool sai and for ibis paint. I just searched for splatoon tutorials and I found this saved: https://www.tiktok.com/discover/how-to-do-splatoon-art-style
Here's one of my videos if you can take anything and analyse it better than me, I'm sorry I can't really give you anything better,
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hows the pacific rim au going ???? its such a neat idea and i need ppl to draw concept art for it
DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU MY FRIEND
First of all, life happened and happened for good, I couldn't write much before but Now. NOW is the time.
I planned and plotted a lot during the whole year I first came up with the idea and I have a kind of strong base for the AU. I also have a brilliant beta by my side, my dear friend Frog (@faramircaptainofgender), so hopefully during this summer this idea will be shared with you all outside our little friend group.
I'll take this opportunity and shamelessly turn my answer into a main post for the AU.
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the title:
Human within the Machine
[brief synopsis]
The Nations of the world developed a simulation where future Jaeger pilots can practice for in-action cases. Max Verstappen outshines every other contestants in the history of drifting, there's only one problem - he's no team player.
Charles Leclerc is determined to stop the Kaijus and end their reign, once and for all. He lost his parents due to kaiju attacks, now he feels responsible not only to avenge their deaths, but to bring a brighter future to his brothers.
Jaeger engineering is living its golden age, there is money in it and many enthusiastic contestants who are not entirely aware of the horror that awaits them out at the ocean.
[disclaimer]
There’s no main plot (as in: I am not planning on detailed world-building neither to save the world from kaijus, I am smaller than that), the endgame is to get Max into an active combat where he drifts with Charles and they’re in the Il Predestinato (the legendary Jaeger that has been out of service for a decade, waiting for the right co-pilots). Everything before and in between are just themes I desire to explore within the possibilities of this AU.
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I have a playlist that helps me to stay inspired, songs are not in order yet though, but as I said earlier, chapters are meant to be kind-of standalone scenes, existing in their own moods and settings.
Each chapter will have its own chosen background music linked to them. I also added many symphonic songs just to get in the mood for some combat scenes.
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[good to know]
Roles: In the case of HwtM we have active and passive characters in this story. Due to the fact that many scenes are set in drift-memories, where not everything is factual and we are in the mix of memories and feelings, some characters will only appear and speak through these moments. Therefore they fall into the passive category - they are the legends. I will talk about them in their own post but the gist of it is what I wrote above, they cannot speak for themselves so we will only see them through tilted lenses: idolised, villanised, or the mix of both.
Which also means another thing - everyone is an unreliable narrator.
Teams and Jaegers: Since this is the golden age of Jaeger engineering, we will have many-many Jaegers. So far I named only a few, but to stay true to the source material, I'm trying to make them just as cheesy yet compelling as the ones were in the movies. The constructor teams from real life are not so different from what they represent in HwtM, but I altered some of their names to fit more into the world (older names or older sounding names of some teams since the future that Pacific Rim has is basically our present. I was aiming for some retro-vibe).
Here, they are different detachments under the Pan Pacific Defense Corps, in the Jaeger Academy division. I’m planning on working with Merc, Ferrari, McLaren, Williams and of course Redbull.
Mercedes is called Benz
Ferrari is called Alfa Romeo
Red Bull is Toro Rosso
The other two stay under the same name.
Ships to look out for: it is a Lestappen-centered story (if I am really honest with you, it’s Max-centered first of all) but on the side-lines we will look into some depths of Carlando, Galex and Maxiel in…some way. Please-please keep in mind, that these won’t be fully developed romantic relationships in the fic, I’m reporting from the minds and souls of these boys, objectively perceived scenes between them will be rare and much more comrade-like.
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That is all I planned to share for starters. Feel free to ask about the process or anything really, that is related to this project, it’s my beloved child and can’t wait to share it all with others!
#f1#lestappen#max verstappen#charles leclerc#my pacific rim au#hwtm tag#f1 fanfiction#carlos sainz jr#george russell#lando norris#daniel ricciardo#alex albon#lewis hamilton#sebastian vettel#michael schumacher#logan sargeant#I think I tagged all the drivers I will include#carlando#galex#f1 rpf fic
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Obligatory, I don't think I'm technically wrong, but I know I could be an asshole, I think I'm justified, I wanna know what other ppl think, etc,
This is mult. fandom related and I'm 25 and have been on Tumblr for approx 10 years so I'm not speaking as someone new to either Tumblr or fandom spaces
AITA for reporting art and fic as spam when it's tagged as something else in a tag I'm searching for?
This applies to many fandoms I'm in not just one so I feel no need to list them since it's not like personal beef or fandom specific drama but basically as I'm sure many people do when I want to see fan art or even the occasional fic for my favorite character I'll go into their character tag via Tumblr search, it's one of the few things I enjoy about this website is it's semi functional tagging and search system. But more often and usually lately I've been finding a lot of stuff in say character A tag that doesn't have character A in it, it's a drawing of character B that's been tagged with the main fandom tag, B, and every other main character. I know its so the art or fic gets more views but it's annoying ESPECIALLY if it's fic because not to generalize but fics tagged like that usually dont have a read more either so I have to scroll past this massive block of text that's not only a fic I'm not interested in, but one that's incorrectly tagged for a character I'm trying to find content of so they're the ones I tend to report as spam the most over art which is easier to scroll past ill admit
Even on ao3 it's a feux pas to tag characters that just "appear" if they're not central to the fic so they already shouldn't be tagging any character mentioned in their fic
This USUALLY tends to happen with people's oc posts as well and nothing against OCs they're just not my thing and if I were in the main tag I'd happily scroll by since I recognize their place but just like the other two I'll notice it's just a drawing of someone's oc or their OC's profile and it's tagged with the full main cast, thus showing up in the character I'm looking for's tag
Or character x readers and character A (and C, D, E, F, etc) will be tagged on a B x reader fic, obviously I have no interest in reading a fic like that especially when again the entire cast has been tagged not because they appear in the fic but for engagement
Also I'm not dumb I filter for fandoms so like if the tag I'm in is just "Steve" obviously I know it'll apply to multiple fandoms like Minecraft or avengers since that's a super nonspecific name/tag I'm talking about deliberate tagging within the same fandom
I also don't report the post if they're like "this is my OC his name is James Bond" obviously that's gonna show up in like the James Bond tag which while more specific would not count as spam since that's still a proper tag that would apply, it's the OC's name that just happens to be the name of another character
So, while I don't feel bad because I find these people annoying since they're obviously tagging things like I mentioned on purpose for attention but on the other hand I feel a little guilty because fan art and fan fic is important to any fandom but just, that is one of the definitions of a spam post is something improperly tagged on purpose
TLDR: I report posts in my favorite character's tag as spam when they don't have my favorite character but are tagged with them because they clog up the actual tag with garbage
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What do you think was the turning point in Lando and Oscar's relationship?
I really want to know what other ppl think about this bc for me personally I don't think that moment has even come yet! I made this post about a landmark landoscar moment but I don't think that's been the big turning point into them going ahhh this is it, this is what our friendship is.
like I've said before in my way too many text posts, Lando has stayed thrown by the fact that Oscar doesn't even remotely fit into the Carlos and Daniel type of teammate he's used to. Lando's shown Oscar his quiet side, his fidgety side, his cocky side, his bratty side, his naughty/flirty side and all of them get the same quiet fond indulgent response from Oscar. guys like Carlos and Daniel have known exactly how to play Lando almost from day one and we get all this great content. but apart from a little bit of sass back sometimes, Oscar stays in that very passive role and the content we get from them is Oscar watching his very famous, very well-established and charismatic teammate that he's used to watching on a phone screen. occasionally we get glimpses of Prema or Alpine Oscar come out but it's very rare.
I feel like he's wanted to just get his head down this season and prove himself the way he's said he feels he needs to. he's clearly taking nothing for granted and I don't think we're going to see him start to fully relax until a good few races into 2024. Lando is F1/McLaren establishment by now and personally I think Oscar puts Lando into the same category of things that he's trying to prove himself to. that was terrible sentence structure but you get what I mean ??
(rest under a cut bc yeah I overdo it and also just my opinion so pls nobody take it seriously)
the general standard for F1 rookies is either to latch onto the personality of their teammate or show up with a persona already in place. in both cases it's because young men have crazy amounts of insecurity but are also desperate to ingratiate themselves into a group as fast as possible. Lando was kind of an exception bc he entered F1 basically as a zygote. he went from being Carlos' baby to Daniel's baby right up until the late 2022 season. but since then we've seen Lando learn how to do the flirty humor and cocky joking that pretty much all drivers use to navigate each other. Lando's not naturally as much of a cabrón as the rest of them but he's found a way to fit in that feels natural and that also tracks with his streamer/youtuber identity.
but literally NONE of that F1 rookie standard behavior fits Oscar. I was talking about this with @landofication and how Oscar's confidence and unbotheredness comes from a such genuinely harmless place - he simply doesn't perform for anyone and he doesn't fib to people even casually. he's incredibly well-raised and respectful and polite but he won't ever say things he doesn't mean. he won't talk for the sake of filling a lull in conversation AND he also won't say something controversial/opinionated if it seems unnecessary or cocky. for example !! Alpine made an absolutely wild assumption about his future without even speaking to him first and he very calmly stood up for himself and later on made a good humored joke about the drama when he signed the extension with McLaren. he's been more mature and calm than men twice and three times his age.
that kind of honesty is why it feels completely authentic when Oscar forgets the cameras are on him and he just tracks Lando's every move and laughs at all of Lando's jokes and forgets he's supposed to play a role. same with how genuinely supportive he always is of Lando even when he himself has had a bad performance. he also doesn't want to make himself being a Lando fanboy into ~hilarious media fodder~ he's just being open about respecting and really liking Lando. kind of like how he can giggle and get bashful about gay innuendo or a guy play-flirting with him (or Lando getting raunchy to make him blush) but I've genuinely never seen him bro-zone someone or play at acting gay for laughs. he can see why the flirting and raunch is funny but he doesn't get why acting gay would be funny.
and I'm not having a go at guys who do that kind of humor or saying that they're doing it offensively! I've said before that a lot of what Americans view as "gay" in non-American male friendships is extremely standard straight dude behavior everywhere else. flirting and being physical with your bros is different from flirting with women to them precisely because they won't date or have sex w their bros. there's no need for nohomo because it was never homo lol the lines are very clear. also a lot of that humor in F1 is a common survival tactic in male pro sports. like a way to have fun and bond while also knowing that cameras are aiming at you every second you're not in your driver's room or hotel room. it's way better to diffuse the tension of being constantly watched by being silly and flirty with your bros rather than trying to hold a real conversation.
but it's just not Oscar personally to initiate that stuff for laughs or to know how to pick up those jokes and play ball. just like how he's not starry-eyed about Lando as a joke! he's just genuinely got this fanboy crush he's dealing with as best he can during a high pressure rookie season. he's not bothering to try and complicate things further or push himself into Lando's existing social life.
BUT poor Lando is definitely still in the process trying to figure Oscar out. the little fixations Lando already has of his own like Oscar's name and Oscar being such a good boy who blushes at sex jokes and Oscar being so mature and patient even when Lando is fed up with filming and having a blood sugar drop are so cute to me because Lando's been slowly picking up on what Oscar genuinely likes about him and where his boundaries are. the photo of Oscar on lando.jpg with the heart caption right underneath it was unbearably vulnerable. such a tiny way to say I really like my new teammate even if I don't understand him yet.
I do however think it's driving Lando iNsAnE that Oscar has no concept of casual PDA. I'm hoping he's seen by now that Oscar isn't even like that with Lily and that it isn't at all personal. but oh my god he's so ready to be able to hug and cuddle Oscar and do everything he does with Carlos and Daniel and his pre-F1 big brothers like Max F, George and Alex. I'm all for respecting people's physical boundaries but hopefully Oscar thinks back to Lando's reaction here and let's Lando latch onto him more often.
aaaaaand that's all to say that I think we're going to have to be patient to see where Lando and Oscar land in terms of what sort of deeper friendship they have. their teammates relationship has already been tested thoroughly in just one season and it seems so solid which has obviously been first priority. but between Lando having such a full social life already and Oscar having gotten used to being by himself or socializing very privately I'm not expecting a carlando or dando type thing where they share friends or hobbies until they've gotten to know each other better individually. which in a way for me is really sweet because the amount that they already sync up and are comfortable together and share their team duties despite not having that immediate jokey rapport is just !!! I really love that. sort of how silly bubbly Lando is my beloved but quieter and more thoughtful Lando is maybe even a little bit more my beloved?
anyway thankfully we've got three more years locked down to keep seeing them feel each other out (huhuahauhsfhh)
#landoscar#mctwinks#it is so dangerous to ask me these things I rly hope you don't mind me being insane#mine#inchreplies
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Ranting about Nucani
There is something I want to express and this fandom should know.
Nu: Carnival is a Harem game but unlike most games in the genre the relationships with MC are all canon within the same story, there are no "Routes", no "Alternate Universe/Timelines", it's all 1 Main Story where you get to gradually meet all the Characters who'll be your companions, in this game named Clan members, and all of them one way or another end up falling for Eiden (MC), which makes polyam relationship canon with Eiden as the center:
Like very few games have polyam representation, let alone a positive one, like yes the polycule it's very Eiden central but even then all the Clan Members interact with one another, as we see mainly in the time limited Events but also in the Main Story, and have friendly and amicable interactions, they rely on one another sometimes even without Eiden being involved.
But also, Aster and Morvay have a relationship established too since way before the events of the prologue of the game, Kuya and Quincy have hinted some sort of situationship (idk I don't care about Quincy and my knowledge about Kuya is limited to what happens in the story and events cause I have no limited SSRs nor have I read any of his Intimacy Rooms).
[Also if any of you knows of any other relationship that have been hinted at that i'm missing feel free to share, i specifically ask of you to refer to only canon, i know in fanon anything and everything is possible and sometimes we may be missperceiving some interactions between characters so i ask of you to take those rose tinted glasses off and see unfiltered canon, it's hard for me too ngl so dw]
All this started with some posts I saw about ppl feeling bad for Yakumo and/or Edmond to be "forced into a polyam relationship" when they are the "most romantic members" and "deserve a monogamous relationship", their words not mine, as if mono > poly , but also do you really think they're against it!?
One thing is being Clan Members against their will (which is all Huey's fault btw), having to work together to regulate the Altars' Essence (or their own) and then another one completely is involving themselves in a personal and intimate way with Eiden, which the latter they all did in their own terms and out of free will.
Also i wanna share one of the best and my fav scenes with Karu, which i know not everyone was able to experience it cause it's hidden in the Intimacy Rooms of a Limited SSR, but it expresses exactly why the polycule is consensual.
Context: Eiden has been worrying about forcing the Clan Members to be with him because he is the New Grand Sorcerer, against their will just because of Huey's magic that ties them together and the responsibility of Regulating the Altars and basically maintaining stability in the Klein Continent.
His worries began (at least that i noticed) in "Eerie Escapade" (Halloween Event), that was also the first time Garu got hurt while protecting Eiden and the first time Karu got mad at him and fronted to yell at Eiden (which is my another fav scene of Karu omg i love him so much i gotta go back and take screenshots of that but that's for another post), the second one being in "Army x Blood x Oath" (which are the screenshots i'll show u)
Because this are the Intimacy Rooms of Garu/Karu's Limited SSR this scene focuses on Eiden feeling guilty because Garu got hurt in the past (Halloween Event) and this time he lost his memory (temporarily, due to this event's story) and Eiden blaming himself for it all and wondering if they would be better off without him, but the same can and is applied to the rest of the Clan Members, seeing how Eiden met and approached Rei while respecting his privacy and independency even tho he's also a Clan Member and the newest introduced in the story, means that the Limited Events are also canon and part of the story because Eiden seems to be growing and learning from previous Events and showing that development in future Events and the Main Story.
Karu also mentions that Garu (prior to losing his memories) was also worrying about the same thing Eiden was, like 'what if Master (Eiden) stays with us just because of the contract with Huey? :c' and he calls them both idiots because they don't communicate and fronts to fix it! (Mighty Karu to the rescue)
And talking about "Eerie Escapade" that is also the event where Yakumo's possessiveness towards Eiden shows, i'll admit i haven't seen the last room but i feel like those people i mentioned before are using it as fuel to their idea, because if Yakumo is jealous of other Clan Members interacting with Eiden and "Wants him all to himself" that must mean he wants a monogamous relationship, right?
WRONG!
That just means Yakumo is a complex person that feels different emotions specially when it comes to the most important person in his life (Eiden) other than his grandparents!
And Yakumo feels guilty for having those feelings, not because of them being in a polycule and he not wanting to be in it, but because he has trauma and sees his desires and wants as selfishness and he would never allow himself to be selfish cause he doesn't want to hurt people, he's a people's pleaser! He lives with constant fear of hurting others like the Great Serpent did when it killed many (but apparently there may be more that meets the eye, because the current event hinted that the Great Serpent actually liked humans and took care of children ???)
And Yakumo dealing with those feelings along with his yokai powers as a descendant of The Great Serpent have been the main topic of his last 3 Limited SSRs, which is great because that means CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT~
Now unfortunately i cannot talk about Edmond's Intimacy Rooms as i'm missing ALL OF HIS SSRs (why do you hate me Edmond if ily) but from what i've seen he's also pretty happy being with Eiden, heck even HIS MOM is happy his son is with Eiden!
That's right, she's the first and only parent of the Clan Members that knows and approves of their relationship, if it weren't because most of them are orphan we could get many more... i wonder if Yakumo's grandparents are aware hmmm ... and we all know Olivine's parents are gonna HATE it xD and maybe Garu's wolf pack will approve of Eiden by the end of this event.
#i just realized i may not be the right person to talk about polyam relationships and representation#even if i'm open to polyamory while in a monogamous relationship currently#and i do my best to do my research about it and learn from polyam people#but then again i used to do the same with queer people before finding out i was queer#and neurodiverse people before realizing i am one too#and the most recent was autism :D#so maybe i'm not the wrong person to talk about it#also if any of you treat Garu and Karu as the same person when they're a system i will lose it#or worse when people don't acknowledge Karu#help me i love these pups with my life and i will protect them#aster and morvay relationship's nature is not for us to decide#but the fact is that they have one#nu carnival#nucani#canon polyamory#if you read all this i love you~#edit: i thought Morvay having multiple sex partner was obvious 🤔#but some ppl pointed it out so#yeah#the incubus has sex with many ppl besides Eiden and Aster all consensual#while Aster finds it annoying but also helpful Eiden think it's hot#big edit: nvm I AM THE RIGHT PERSON to talk about this as im ambiamorous#which means im happy both in a monoam and polyam relationships#so i am in the polyam spectrum and would love to have what these boys have
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The other thing I'm thinking about this morning is the limitation of any one analytical lens and poor application of gender theory to interpersonal relationships.
Gonna frontload this post with the caveats that 1) this is about cafab relationships to transmisogyny, which i welcome discussion from anybody on but also recognize some ppl are just not invested in or interested in hearing, and thats fine 2) i am speaking from a place of good faith (classical def.) and assuming that we can take what people say about their intentions at face value and these topics are occurring within relationships with grace and legitimate desire to do right by eachother, even though this approach does not always work and is not an exhaustive or universal lens.
My friend said sumn last year that was really foundational for me--"there's always another explanation [for interpersonal instances of transmisogyny]". Meaning, transmisogyny is the sum of small and big events across a person's life, and for TMA people it doesn't really matter if a partner has hateful or "transmisogynistic" intentions behind an action that contributes to the structure. There's always a self-centered reason that has nothing to do with The Structure. My other friend has a line that I think also fits here, which is the idea that most people most of the time don't really have "rational" or cognizant motivations prior to action, just post hoc narrativization of why they did what they did. I don't know how much I agree, but I think it's an interesting lens to use to think about our past actions that can get useful results--how much of the story that I'm telling about this event got written after it, and how does that affect everything moving forward?
This stage setting brings us to a specific cohort that I've definitely been a part of and am working on distancing from: strong willed/bullheaded cafabs with significant personal needs and abrasive interpersonal tendencies. Being someone that only very aquiescing, self-sacrificing people can stand to be around means you're gonna benefit a lot interpersonally from transmisogyny, because trans women and especially young, vulnerable, and/or early transition women are gonna be a large % of the people you attract.
People in this cohort usually know it on some level IME and feel a lot of shame and anxiety around it. Transfem friends and partners will bring it up. We get one of the good ones type behaviors, compensatory hating and policing of other people, and white knighting; and we get various manifestations of definitional games that all fit into the "ontologically incapable of violence" header. Your classic uwuification of cafabs, but also misguidedly trying to find common ground and misconflating relationships to womanhood (talking abt how ppl treated you ten years ago doesn't paper over the thing You are doing Now), and getting into some really bizarre IME feminist ally dudebro shit that seems copypasted from 2012 cishet feminist ally lines (these are also??? Bad????)
All of this shit behavior can((see above caveat #2)) stem from being too lost in the sauce of structural analysis. I think the line that there's always another explanation has a corrolary: you can basically always, to varying levels of accuracy and usefulness, paint an interpersonal problem in the context of structural analysis. And this can be very useful, and it is mainly useful to people who are subject to that structural oppression to understand what is happening and why it feels bad. I see for my friends theory around transmisogyny often (but obviously not exclusively) function as a frame of understanding that says "it isn't your fault. No amount of personality modification will keep this from happening again. Time to take a different tract." This is very useful and good.*
However: this specific understanding of the function of transfeminist theory does not play the same for this cohort of cafab people, because behavioral modification IS the way to get better about shit and stop it from happening. In a lot of these circumstances WE have to understand explanations of transmisogyny as an explanation for why behaviors, attitudes and modes of interaction feel bad to our friends. Yet a third dear friend has a line in a piece of writing that I don't remember if is published or not that says, paraphrasing: "transmisogyny is not 'real', it is a concept we use to understand patterns and attitudes". The essence of a transmisogynist action or behavior or pattern that we exert towards our loved ones is only that it triggers a pattern and understanding of the world; not that it has a big red "GENDER CRIME" stamp on it somewhere.
If we want to throw off the benefits and privileges of being TME in the interpersonal sphere, we have to get fucking nicer to people. We have to yell less and listen more. We have to interrogate the ghosts of our loved ones that set up shop in our heads and challenge how they diverge from the evidence of the real people in front of us. We have to employ whatever dumbass therapyspeak tools let us be more thoughtful and intentional with how we treat eachother. We have to confront the anxiety that we are Problematic and not imbue metaphysical significance to the fact that we Hurt Someone, because that opens the door to us trying to fix it with yet more metaphysical action and not just going "oh, I need to work on the way I percieve your words because the way you express dissent doesn't immediately register to me and I've been steamrolling you for weeks. Shit, I'm sorry, can I ask some questions that will help me notice next time this comes up and react better?"
Finally I'm gonna end with this: transmisogyny as an understanding of lifetime patterns of experience is not One Thing that applies evenly to every TMA person. One of the biggest pieces of me landing on all this above is being frustrated about how everyone I know has a slightly different bar and I couldn't just "stop being transmisogynist", cuz different shit hurts different people. This is kinda my connecting thread to my earlier post about offensive jokes: once we hit the sphere of microaggressions and non-overt patterns and loved ones that want us to actually work on shit instead of divesting, there just isn't actually a prescriptive answer and we have to be familiar with the theory shorthands ppl around us are using, AND aware of how our personal tendencies and patterns of behavior fit into that theory, AND exercising curiosity and care to figure out what the tangible steps for people we love are.
*note that with all theory I do think that even this framing can get stretched to a point it is no longer accurate or useful to goals I think r worthwhile, but that's not my lane to talk about exhaustively.
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