#i know there are lizards that give live birth

[bogleech]

TOP TEN DINOSAURUSES

maybe you're wondering my most tenned favorite dinosauruses??? The science study of dinasacacers is called "dinosaurusology" by leading experts like myself, and it is constantly changing as we make new uncoveries almost every tuesday when we find new bones in my cousin rob's garage (he hasn't thrown anything out since the 90's!) As such bear in mind that up to two facts I am about to share could become dated over the course of the next century, however as both the king and queen of science this will only be true if I'm still available to approve the new facts. If I'm dead or kind of tired then nobody will ever know what's true anymore so you should be nice to me. #10: OVIRAPTOR

OVIRAPTOR was a good model for what all dinosacans were like: it was a wrinkly lizard that slithered in filthy dirt and had difficulty standing upright because its bones were made of rocks. This is why we have the term "the stone age," so be grateful you're living in "the bone age!" Oviraptor's name means "eggs velociraptor" because it was a kind of velociraptor that stole eggs. It didn't know what to do with them because nobody invented cooking yet and raw dinosaur eggs were disgusting, so every oviraptor starved to death.

#9: IGUANADON

This was the last known photograph of IGUANA DON (not to be confused with his cousin iguana dan) when george washington invented photographs 2 million years ago. Don was an ugly disgusting hilarious lizard monster with one horn on its nose and he died because he evolved a dining room in his torso exactly the right size for 21 cavemen to walk in and eat his kidneys. This was not helped by don's instinct to sleep on a big porch under a chandelier.

#9 DIMETRODON

DIMETRODON was the most common dinosaur of jurassic, which was the fifth and final era of dinosaurs after the ice age but before the ediacaran. In fact dimetrodon was the very last dinosaur to ever exist on earth before they were all eaten to death by the ediacaran's dominant predator: a species of swirly looking weird rock. Nobody knows why these swirly looking weird rocks died out, but it's most likely because dimetrodon was so poisonous from its diet of entirely pufferfish. You can tell it was a sea dinosaur because of its fish fin! #8: PTERADACTYL

PTERODACTYL was a regular dinosaur until it got married to a species of bat and its bat wife laid a bunch of pterodactyl eggs! This woodcut is however inaccurate: flying would not be invented until president obama discovered the first airplane in 1998, so pterodactyl couldn't possibly have stayed in the air and just immediately fell. The long 900 million year reign of the pterodactyl abruptly ended when the last one finally hit the ground (it took longer in those days because the oxygen disaster made so much more air) #7 SNORKASAURUS

SNORKASAURUS was completely unique among all dinocaurs by having a really long neck. It was one of the largest creatures to ever roam the earth at over 7 feet tall, or exactly 12 meters to those of you living in Liberia or Myanmar! This is the last known photograph of snorkasaurus, giving birth to the first cavemen. Snorkasaurus went extinct because all of them did this instead of making baby snorkasauruses. This is because like all dinosaurii they had only a tiny peanut for a brain, and nobody was around to give them 'the talk' because that wasn't invented yet.

#6 SMILODON

SMILODON was a very special dinosaurn because it was the first one to stand up on its hind legs after years of rigorous exercise and weight training. By inventing this new way of walking, Smilodon made it possible for the first monkeys to evolve! This is called "convergent" evolution.

#5 BULBASAUR

BULBASAUR was a majestic and beautiful species of neopet unfortunately disliked by the scientific community because it is the reason there are no flying dinosuars. Bulbasaur was the first ever flying dyanasar ever invented, 19 billion years ago on September 10, 2001, but the project was discontinued when its first test flight ended in a tragic accident. That's right: on September 11, 2001, Bulbasaur crashed into the stock market, causing the great depression that lead to the civil war :'( now to this very day, flying dinosarers are against the law.

#4 YOSHI

YOSHI is a type of dinersaulophus called a "bird," which was actually the second attempt by early neanderthal alchemists to manufacture a street legal flying dinnersauran, but the New Zealand government realized if dinophlofbuses can fly, then bats would no longer be special, and since bats are New Zealand's only major export it would have been an economic disaster. The queen of Australia (New Zealand's largest city) ordered the CIA to sand all of the wings off of these early prototype birds. Every bird tragically went extinct when it looked down, noticed how high up it was and remembered it could not fly, activating the effects of Earth's gravitational field.

#3 ANOMALOCARIS

ANOMALOCARIS was the dinosorcerous that discovered the first primitive cave painting of a modern day crab and invented carcinisation. All the other dinanders laughed at Anomalocaris for wanting to turn into a crab, but guess what??? Every single kind of dinosaur is dead but there's a crab still alive at 29, making it the oldest person in the world. Who's FUCKING laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2 EARL SINCLAIR

This is the last known photograph of Earl Sinclair, seen here as an uncredited extra in "Avatar 3: Lost in New York." Earl Sinclair was a sindonaur species that could disguise itself as a human by putting on sunglasses, a necessary adaptation in order to hide from the largest predator dancasore to ever live: Mellisuga helenae. However, near the end of the coal age, M. Helenae finally remembered that sunglasses hadn't even been invented yet. Look carefully, and you'll notice nobody is wearing sunglasses at all in this scene, making Earl Sinclair stick out like a sore thumb! If you're still having difficulty, here's a zoomed in image of this majestic thunder lizard:

Unfortunately......this wardrobe malfunction made Mr. Sinclair just as obvious to his ancient enemy, and the last Earl Sinclair's brains were sucked out on September 11, 2001, the darkest day in British history because he was the only one who knew the recipe to chicken mcnuggets (the only british food.) To this day all british people are extinct but you can still see their fossilized skeletons waiting in line at the department of motor vehicles.

#1 CONCAVENATOR

Concavenator was an Early Cretaceous carcharodontosaurid up to six meters in length with an unusual pointed crest on its back.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

since i started looking more into mating rituals and parenting styles of crows (for very normal reasons i swear), i've begun to find the "Crowley is a dead-beat dad" joke a bit ironic, as most of the websites i've seen said that crows are actually very involved in their chicks lives while they're still in the nest. one website even considered crows "one of the best parents in the animal kingdom"

I’ve researched bird mating myself (not for TWST reasons, but because I have to care for a Real Bird), though not for crows specifically. Very interesting (and ironic)!

I wonder just how much “truth” there is behind that irl crow stuff and TWST lore 🤔 Because we have some clear instances of the real life animal reflecting TWST fantasy races’ behaviors! For example, Jack states that wolf beastmen are monogamous (they mate for life and stick to that one partner), which is true of actual wolves too. Ruggie’s mother died giving birth to him, an occurrence which is not uncommon among female hyenas. The shape of the… uh… birth canal… is often too small and has a sharp turn, so giving birth is traumatic/can lead to complications so severe it literally kills the mom. Hyenas are also not monogamous, which may partially be why there is lore about Ruggie’s father leaving and never returning. There’s also non-mating behaviors which are reflective of irl animals, such as women from the Sunset Savanna being “strong” (since lionesses do most of the hunting), Azul having a strong grip (like that of an octopus), or Sebek’s family having scales and a strong bite (like crocodiles). I would say irl animals being used as part of character references is fairly common.

However! There are also examples of TWST’s fantasy races not exactly aligning with irl animals and their behaviors. When Leona talks about his brother and his wife, he refers to the wife singular, not wive(s). Irl lions have prides and mate with various partners over the span of their life. It’s rare for lizards (the closest thing to dragons, lol) to be monogamous, yet Maleanor seemed very loyal to her husband Raverne and is even described to dote on him. We also don’t know much about the twins’ or Azul’s families’ behaviors, so there isn’t much to compare there.

So really, I wonder where Crowley lies on this spectrum of “animal realism” 😂 Based on solely his current attitude, yeah… He ain’t much of a “Parent of the Year” www

[politemenacephd]

Arachnophilia: (Part Fifteen)

Drider!Miguel O'Hara x Reader (+18)

Chapter Masterlist 🕷️

Content: Heavy Voyeurism/Mild cuckoldry, Fingering, Bondage, Praise kink, Oral (reader recieving and giving), PinV sex, Creampie, Breeding kink, Size difference, Monsterfucking, Masturbation.

Word count: 6200 Notes: this really might be the most smuttiest smut i've ever done, this shit made me blush writing it, jfc pls enjoy

You’d hoped to get home to Mig as soon as you left Miguel’s office, but at the last minute you were been called to help wrangle an escaped Lizard with a few other lower-level spiders.

You hated not being able to message Mig about your whereabouts. He knew you might be gone for most of the day but you knew he’d worry regardless, and with nothing to distract his mind it must be so much worse.

You took a few dangerous risks while trying to capture the escapee just to get it done faster, risks that your colleagues absolutely noticed. When they asked what you were thinking and you just awkwardly shrugged them off, you saw in their eyes the same mix of morbid curiosity you saw in everyone now.

Everyone knew. You couldn’t avoid it now. Whether Miguel had snapped after your fight and spread it even wider you didn’t know, but you knew you’d just have to learn to live with the universe’s judgement.

You were dating a spider. Big deal. Everyone here was a spider in some way or another, and nobody looked at MJ weirdly.

By the time you returned to Mig’s universe it was getting dark, with the sky a messy palette of dark red and purple above the darkened silhouette of the pines. You called up to Mig after dropping the tech you’d brought at the base of the nest.

‘MIG! Babe, you okay?’

‘Ah, mi arañita!’

You paused, your hand hovering over the rope ladder. Did he sound okay? You tilted your head as you replayed his voice. That was weird, he sounded almost worried? Was he still stressed out?

You grappled onto the rope and tore your way up to the entrance.

‘Hey! I’m okay Miggy, don’t worry!’

‘Arañita! Don’t—’

You grabbed the door right as he spoke, but you didn’t hear the last part of his sentence as you grunted to get over the edge.

‘Hey baby! Are you—’

You jumped out of your skin as you pushed the door aside, only barely catching yourself from falling back out and onto the earth below.

‘AH—WHAT—YOU?!’

Miguel was sitting in the nest, his body perched on one of the stools to the right side of the central fire. He didn’t even look up as you entered, but Mig rushed to steady you from falling.

‘Arañita, are you okay?’ he whispered. You didn’t hear; you were utterly fixated on Miguel.

‘What are you doing here?!’ you snapped.

Miguel narrowed his eyes, still refusing you eye contact.

‘Change of plans. Until you fill out the full paperwork to sanction this relationship, I’ve filed for an emergency supervision order. I need to be sure that you’re not breaking any rules.’

You were incredulous. Wait, is this what he’d meant? Was he really that petty? This man who was supposed to be in charge of the multiverse?

‘What- what the fuck are you— Why not put a camera up? Why not fucking warn us first?’ you snapped, your hands flying wildly as you pointed between him and the nest.

‘You could turn off a camera’ Miguel noted. ‘Besides, it’s a waste of resources.’

‘Oh, and the head of the society wasting his night watching us personally wasn’t a waste of resources?’ you argued back.

Miguel was keeping a straight face, but his smug aura radiated out of him like pus. He simply curled his lip and scoffed. ‘My job is to avoid anomalies. I’m doing that now, by ensuring that you’re both… following orders, and remaining on birth control, and that you’re not getting hurt. It seemed- the right approach, to me, as boss.’

‘You don’t need to watch us to prove that!’ you snapped back. ‘Put a- tracker in my fucking patch or something, or let me do the check ups like we agreed!’

Miguel had the audacity to yawn as you stared at him with an open mouth and clenched fists. ‘I could. But that would be a breach of your physical rights, you’d have to sign off on it, and you haven’t gone through the company mandated relationship therapy or de-escalation training. We need to agree the terms of surveillance. Until then it seemed safest to keep you on observation. That’s all.’

You opened your mouth to argue back but Miguel was faster. He raised his hand, halting you in your tracks, as those cold red eyes lingered on your face. ‘Or, would you rather hand over your watch?’ he said, his voice dipping as he spoke.

Your eyes narrowed until it hurt, your forehead furrowing with the injustice of it all.

‘You—You petty bitch.’

Both Mig and Miguel seemed startled by your language. You pointed your finger squarely at Miguel’s face, your lips drawn back over your bared teeth.

‘You petty bitch. You really think I’ll let you do this? Signing off orders so you can invade my space, because I wouldn’t sleep with you?!’

Miguel’s lips twitched. Was he holding back the urge to smile?

Mig, in contrast, looked horrified. His eyes darted between the two of you.

‘He- arañita, I-I don’t understand’ he stammered. You looked at him with nothing but sympathy in your eyes.

‘Your variant, there, revealed that apparently while I was in heat, he was hoping to— what did you say Miguel? Help me out? Ease that, hormonal pain? Something as slimy as that, anyway. He even asked why I picked you over him, and now he’s here, what a fucking surprise, huh?’

‘Mm. That’s quite the accusation. Shame you don’t have any evidence’ Miguel noted as he admired his claws.

You felt Mig beside you bristling violently.

‘You… Is this true?’ Mig murmured. He was addressing Miguel, not you, which was a comfort. He clearly believed you, as he was clutching you so tightly against his side that it was crushing your ribs.

‘Yes’ Miguel said. ‘It’s true. Of course I was interested. They reeked of heat, it was distracting. Repulsive almost. The most- desperate stench. But, that was supposed to stay between us. And it will. Because like I said, it’s your word against mine.’

‘You—’

Mig took a step forward but froze again when Miguel raised his claw, pointing it directly at your watch.

‘Again. I will remove your watch if you don’t follow the societies rules. Understand?’

You and Mig both glanced at each other. The hopelessness in your eyes was clear; you could lose your watch, and then you’d lose Mig. With a frustrated huff you turned and stormed across the nest. ‘Fucking—asshole’ you hissed beneath your breath.

Mig followed and caught you in his arms as you practically fell into his lower abdomen. You allowed his fur to muffle your continued insults.

‘It’s okay arañita. We’ll be okay.’

His soothing words were like honey, warm and sweet after a long and exhausting day. You settled into his grip.

‘So- fucking unfair’ you grumbled into his fluff. Mig didn’t disagree.

‘You need to learn some accountability’ Miguel snapped across the room. ‘You chose to do this. You chose to put yourself in a situation where you could cause an anomaly, and even though I can’t bring it forward in formal writing, you decided as a member of my society to get close to someone who is a threat. Now its my job to make sure you’re safe.’

You felt Mig breathing on your neck as he turned to watch his counterpart. His lips parted as he tasted the air with his tongue, feeling the brewing tension in the back of his throat.

In his heart, something was changing.

He’d spent so much of his life terrified of the man before him. Miguel had posed himself as the better O’Hara, the superior O’Hara, the one who knew what was best for him. But, was that true?

Mig had been told he wasn’t safe, worthy of love or affection. He was disgusting compared to Miguel, a monster in the flesh, and yet he’d soothed his self-loathing by promising that they were at least both monsters inside. Both bound to abstinence for the greater good.

And this hypocritical scum, now sitting in his nest, had tried to steal his arañita from out under his paws? How could he?

But you weren’t with Miguel, were you? Mig looked down at you as his rage boiled over. His poor arañita, nestled into his fur. No, you were with him. You’d slept with him, and you were still alive.

You’d looked him in the eye, knowing what he’d done, and you’d said he was still beautiful to you. You said you’d stay. Not with Miguel, but with him, the monster.

In his heart, something was definitely changing.

‘Fine. Miguel, you may stay’ Mig bluntly replied. ‘I’ll let you observe.’

Miguel, ignorantly assuming Mig’s concession was a sign of him backing down, took a step forward. He had such a smug look on his face.

‘Good. If you want to continue this charade, then you have to—’

Miguel’s words turned to muted gibberish as you squeaked. Mig had grabbed you between his forelegs and arms, and while Miguel had been preparing his self-righteous speech, he’d lifted you up into the air. This wouldn’t have been that unusual spare for one thing: Mig had shifted his fluffy little foreleg between your thighs, and now it was lightly probing at your clothed pussy.

Miguel just stared, too blankly shocked to respond.

‘Mi arañita, I’m so glad you’re home. I missed you so much.’

Mig purred softly as his hands began to grope you in a similar manner. He cupped your chest and your waist with his clawed fingers, lightly ripping the fabric to reveal the tender skin beneath. He prodded your clit a second time and noted the way you squirmed.

‘M-Mig, fuck—that’s, sensitive—’

‘Mmhm. Soft little pretty spider’ Mig breathed. ‘So, so pretty… Let me help you relax.’

‘What- the, f- what the fuck are you doing?’ Miguel spat in disgust.

Mig’s foreleg continued to squish against your clit, the fluffy appendage moving in neat little circles over the bunched-up fabric. He pushed it in until your lips were perfectly highlighted by the thin silk. You felt Miguel staring.

‘F-Fuck—’ Your legs kicked involuntarily as a whimpered moan escaped you.

‘I said, what do you think you’re doing?!’ Miguel repeated louder.

‘I’m just abiding by the rules, sir’ Mig hissed. ‘If you want to observe, then you may observe. But this is my home, and I’ll act how I usually would on my own territory.’

It clicked for you then, still suspended in a potent mix of embarrassment and pleasure, what Mig was doing. You caught Miguel’s eye. This selfish asshole, who’d hounded and followed and attempted to embarrass you at every turn, was now stuck here watching Mig ravage your body. Against your better judgement, you were filled with the sheer thrill of embarrassing him right back.

You gave in and relaxed in Mig’s grip. ‘M-Miggy, fuck—more, please—’

You whimpered as he moved in to kiss your neck. His full lips were warm and wet on your jugular. You felt his tongue on your skin, his claws kneading your chest. A full body shudder went through you as he gently bit down and sucked.

‘F-Fuck- Mig—’

He was rough on your neck, his fangs easily piercing down through the soft flesh. It was a potent mix of pain and pleasure, especially with his paw still massaging your clit. Your blood was pumping at this point. Your pussy throbbed in short bursts with each tender caress.

‘You—Y-You—’

To his horror, Miguel stammered. He couldn’t even find the words to berate you with. All he could do was stand and stare, eyes fixated on this ravenous display of sexual need, powerless and confused.

‘Mm—mm—’ Mig released your neck with a wet pop and a satisfied grunt, revealing a deep red and blue hickey mark. He kissed it once.

‘Mm- you like that, arañita? Mi tesoro?’ he whispered.

‘Yes, fuck—so much. I missed you so much.’

Miguel continued to stare as Mig dropped you to the mattress. He watched his variant crawl across you, with his abdomen rustling and his soft paws tapping. He was drooling venom, practically shaking with the adrenaline rush of having an audience to his physical validation.

You reached out and sleepily welcomed him with open arms, drawing him down with your arms around his neck.

‘Let me mate with you, arañita’ Mig begged, his voice muffled as he kissed your neck. ‘Please. I need you. I need you. Te necesito, mi tesoro, te lo pido por favor.’

‘Yes’ you breathed, ‘yes. Please.’

Miguel snapped his eyes away and gripped the edge of the nest with his claws. He couldn’t stand this. If he left, he was a liar, but if he stayed he had to endure this show. He could tell you to stop, but, could he force you to stop?

He could have theoretically started a fight. He could have. He could have continued barking at you to stop.

But he didn’t. He just stood there, eyes on the wall and arms folded, trying to ignore your sweet little whimpers as Mig tore your suit aside.

He drew you close with his spider legs and began to spin a silken web across your bare skin, easily turning and spinning your body. He was soft, dexterous, so alien on your human skin. Such a filthily delicious taboo.

You lay back and let your monster bind you. You succumbed to him far too easily.

Mig spun you into a shibari style tie, with a neat little spider web on your chest and your hands tightly bound at your sides. He finished by binding your ankles with webbing he’d attached from the ceiling, using it to draw them up until they were taut and spread, with your hips right at the same height as where his phallus would emerge.

‘There. Perfect. Are you comfortable, arañita? In my web?’ he asked.

‘Y-Yes’ you rasped.

You watched Mig give an affectionate grunt as he admired you from above. He was huge. You saw his abdomen twitching and rustling with anticipation, the black fur faintly glowing the same red as his eyes.

‘Mig’ you whimpered, your lips pathetically wet. You were so hot it hurt.

‘Arañita…’

Mig purred as he put his clawed hand on your naked rear, giving your right ass cheek a firm squeeze. He wanted to look at your tight little hole, desperately dripping and clenching around nothing, aching for attention. You felt him brush one calloused finger against it and jolted in place.

‘That’s my little spider’ he purred. You felt him circling his finger around your entrance, stroking that velvety flesh until you whined.

‘Mi tesoro, my precious thing. Let me see how much you’ve missed me.’

He pushed two fingers in and you melted. The moan that escaped your lips was loud enough to echo, loud enough to grate on Miguel’s ears until he hissed.

He was trying not to look. He was facing the wall, body rigid as stone, but the noises were getting to him regardless. His mind kept imagining what you felt like.

‘You were supposed to be observing, sir’ Mig noted. He was still fucking you with his fingers, still spreading you wide as you dribbled over his hand, but his eyes were fixed on his counterpart now.

Miguel refused to turn. His eyes darted, once, and he immediately felt that disgusting flush rising in his cheeks.

‘I’ll- kill you, I swear to god’ Miguel seethed.

‘You can just go’ Mig offered. He was aggravatingly calm, the only emotion in his voice the slight pant of arousal from feeling you clench around his fingers. ‘If you’re- uncomfortable, with how I conduct myself with my mate.’

‘I can’t just, go, I am stationed here’ Miguel spat. ‘YOU could have some human dignity and cover yourself up!’

‘This is my home. My territory. THIS is my territory’ Mig replied coldly, emphasising the word ‘this’ by pushing his fingers as deep as he could. You bucked your hips and cried out in response, something that make Miguel’s stomach knot.

‘It is normal for- males, to assert their territorial claim. You’ve given me no other option. Besides, aren’t you curious? Since you’re so- good, and abstinent. Right? That’s what you told me, so how about I show you what it looks like?’

Miguel was forced once more to look away. The sound of you moaning, the sound of you pathetically whimpering, and worst of all the wet slap of Mig’s hand against your pussy as he pulsed his fingers in and out, it was stirring up something potent in him.

Anger and arousal flooded his mind. He was fighting to not throb. He couldn’t allow it, he couldn’t. He’d never forgive himself if he got enjoyment from this.

But, fuck you sounded so wet. You’d probably swallow him whole, begging and whining the whole time. Were you a little brat when fucked, complaining about it being too big, or did you beg for more? No. You probably took it all, your eyes covered in those pretty little tears as you were fucked raw.

He violently shook his head as if that would clear his thoughts, but your body cruelly decided to cum right as he was reaching the peak of his tether.

‘F-FUCK—’

Your back arched as that sweet release flooded over you. All you could see was Mig’s smug, fang-filled grin as he felt your insides clench, his enormous spider legs pattering back and forth to indicate his own excitement.

‘There you go. Well done, mi amor, you feel so pretty when you cum.’

Your body went limp as your orgasm sapped all your energy away, but Mig wasn’t done. He shifted himself down between your spread thighs and began licking up your slick with his flat, wet tongue, that warm muscle flicking deliciously right on your overstimulated clit.

You screamed, unabashedly, in a way that drove Miguel mad.

With a wet pant Mig pulled back just to slather you with praise. ‘Estas mojadita, mm- Quiero explorar tus sabores, arañita.’

You knew he was speaking deliberately to provoke Miguel, but you didn’t care. You enjoyed it even more that way.

He settled down to gently suck on your clit, his red eyes fixed on Miguel’s rigid form in the corner. The man was trying his hardest to stay sober but his eyes kept darting, and every time they did Mig widened his lips and ran his full tongue across your folds, wilfully dribbling hot spit and venom down your sensitive lips.

Miguel quickly looked away, but he just kept looking back.

You kept wincing from the overstimulation, your wet lips parting and then pursing hard to avoid screaming again. You must be so god damn sensitive, he thought. Such a fucking brat. Crying over a tongue like that.

He felt his cock throb and struggled to adjust his suit. He wondered what you tasted like. He’d never got to taste one before. It probably tasted amazing.

‘Mm… so soft…’ Mig murmured, his voice muffled by your pussy as he continued his rabid smothering of your cunt with his tongue. He wasn’t skilled so much as desperately passionate, and god knows it was enough.

‘Wish—I could eat you right up—all of you, all of you, mm—’

His eyes were dangerously red, but you were too close to cumming to care. His claws dug into your hips as he pulled you into his mouth, his lips soft as they ravenously made out with your clit.

You came quickly the second time.

‘FUCK—’

As you shuddered in his grip his entire body shivered, a low rustle emanating from his abdomen as it visibly shook.

‘Ahh.. ah, good arañita, that’s it’ he breathed dreamily. He was still licking, still lapping up everything he could, to the point that his spit was sliding and dripping down your thighs and rear and back.

Once you collapsed with exhaustion for the second time, Mig began to move in. He couldn’t wait a second longer. His cock was painfully erect, having sprung from the slit on his abdomen the moment he tied you down, and it was aching for you.

‘Here. Help get me wet’ he said softly.

You looked up to find Mig bent over your bound head, his thick shaft lightly pulsing about an inch from your lips. You could see each black vein pulsing, the tip already smeared in pearly cum. In a trance you licked it.

‘M-mm—that’s it, that’s it.’

It was adorable the way he shivered at just the lightest brush of your tongue. He let you take the tip into your mouth and gently suck on it a little. Fuck, you thought, his cum was sweet. Strangely sweet. The sensation of warm, heavy, throbbing skin on your tongue was mesmerising.

After a few wet licks Mig gently released your mouth with a wet pop. With everything now utterly saturated and sopping, he moved to fuck you instead.

‘Shh, that’s it’ he soothed. You stirred in your bindings as he mounted your strapped body.

‘I’ve got you. You can take it.’

With both hands on your ankles, Mig drew you body up and began to penetrate. Instinctively you squirmed.

‘A-Ah--!’

‘Shh, shh. You’re so tight, mi tesoro. Can you loosen up for me?’ Mig affectionately whispered. You tried your best to relax as he edged deeper but with an audience it was hard. His thick veined cock was pulsating hard, stuck with only about a fourth of it inside you.  

In truth, Mig was enjoying it. He would never hurt you, but, was his ego slightly peaked at how big he looked inside you? Absolutely. Spiders were judged on their size, after all, and that primal part of his brain loved feeling so large. He wanted Miguel to see you spread wide on his cock.

‘Shh, you can do it. You’ve done it so many times before, arañita.’

Another subtle jab, one that made Miguel sneer.

Mig gave himself plenty of time to fit. He’d pump a few times, gently stretching you out, and when it proved too tight he moved to licking you instead. He’d let his cock slide out and replaced it with his tongue, eagerly slathering every inch of your pussy with venom and spit. The venom helped ease the ache and the spit was lubricating enough, and after three or so tries he bottomed out.

You whimpered as he settled himself inside you. Yes, you’d taken him many times, but it always took you by surprise. You were stretched to the limit, your belly bulging, his thick shaft putting a heavy pressure on your muscles that you felt whenever you moved. When he throbbed it pulsed through your entire body.

He could see those pretty little tears on your lashes as you grappled with the pressure, the light pain in your core.

‘F-Fuck… ‘s so big, fuck—’ you whined.

‘You’re doing so good’ Mig praised. He vibrated his abdomen just a little to help ease the ache, as it allowed his shaft to gently vibrate against your insides. Your body shuddered at the unusual sensation. ‘Shh, you’re doing so, so good. That’s it. You’re taking it so well.’

Slowly, Mig started to move.

His whole body arched as he thrust into you, the power of each movement making your thighs and ass jiggle on impact. He loved feeling how soft you were, how squishy and comparatively small you were against him, how his claws sank into your bare skin. He started to pant.

‘Ah… ah, that’s it.’

In the corner Miguel was wincing. His eye kept twitching from the strain of not looking, and now the soft thwap of your mating was ringing in his ears. He couldn’t stand this. He couldn’t take his humiliation. He couldn’t take it.

‘Ah-- Maybe I’ll, rip that patch off, arañita’ Mig purred. He was pushing the limits in this pussy drunk state, pushing every button that Miguel possible had.

‘I think—you deserve a belly full of my babies, don’t you, sweetheart?’ he panted. ‘I want to see what you do with my seed. Let- let me fill you, please, pretty little spider. Let me get you pregnant.’

It was too much. Miguel snapped. He rose to his feet and stormed forward in a blind rage, his claws spread and ready to tear you both apart.

‘¡QUÉ CABRÓN ERES!—’

But then he faltered. Once actually face-to-face with the mirror image of himself he weakened, because Mig was, as you’d noted before, huge. He was bent over to fuck you but still had to look down at Miguel, his red eyes burning in the dim light. His fangs were bigger, his claws sharper, and his body heftier from carrying such weight.

Miguel froze. He’d always seen Mig cowering or backing down, too afraid of his own strength to show it, but he wasn’t afraid anymore. To his great shame, Mig saw the hesitation in his eyes. The spider’s lips curled into a soft smile.

Mig continued to move inside you, openly panting onto his counterpart’s face with each hard thrust.

‘Mm—mm—mmf—’

You jolted slightly with each pump as your belly bulged.

Beneath the two you were helpless, your body small and bound. You were inches away from Miguel’s thick thighs, his carefully contoured pelvis sitting right above your face. You saw his suit throb and desperately tried to look away.

‘You— Y-You—’ Miguel bared his teeth in a desperate attempt to regain control, but his eyes gave away his own perverted thoughts. He was losing. His breath was hot and his cheeks were the colour of burnt umber.

You let out another pitiful whine as Mig arched himself back, allowing just half of his shaft to pump into you so he was rubbing your g-spot. You immediately swooned, a slurry of mewls and moans dripping from your wet lips.

Miguel couldn’t help it. He looked down.

Right in front of Mig he looked down at you, bound and helpless beneath, brainlessly taking that monstrous cock right into your guts.

His lips parted, flashing just an inch of fang. His own lips were wet at this point.

‘F-Fuck’ he grunted.

He could see it pulsing in and out. He could see the glistening slick coating his abdominal fur, thick and sticky and hanging in strings. He could see the way your cunt stretched to swallow every inch of Mig’s shaft. How could you let out those soft, needy moans when you were impaled like that?

‘Fffuuuccck’ he repeated in a low whine.

‘Mine.’

Mig hissed that word with dangerous intent, right in Miguel’s face. He continued to pant on him as he pumped, and Miguel continued to watch you get fucked. His hand was shaking at this point.

‘Sweet arañita, who do you belong to?’ Mig panted.

You felt his cock slipping right up against your velvety little cunt and abruptly clenched, involuntarily squirting slick all over his soft fur. It clung to his fur in pearly strings, and he gave an approving grunt as he felt it.  

‘Arañita, mi amor, your body is too kind, but I need your words’ he whispered. He was unnervingly calm as he rocked inside you.

‘I-I’m yours’ you dumbly panted. You were rewarded with another toe-curling insertion, that perfectly timed grind which pushed his fat girth into your spot. A flood of aching pleasure forced you to squirt again.

‘MMF- Mmm, Mig!’

‘That’s it, good arañita. You’re all mine’ Mig praised a second time.

Miguel couldn’t stop watching. It was maddening.

Instinctively his hand began to creep downward, his fingers shaking as they drifted to your swollen clit. He wanted to feel how wet it was, how warm, but the moment he drifted over your lips he was forced back by Mig.

The larger spider hissed violently, his pale green venom pooling and dribbling from his mouth. A little bit hit Miguel’s cheek as he fell onto his backside.

‘Mine’ he repeated. ‘I’ll let you look, but you don’t touch.’

The embarrassment was unbearable. Miguel scowled, torn between a desire to leave and a desire to fight. Those urges he’d desperately tried to avoid were ruining his brain.

Seeing Miguel’s obvious distress, Mig decided to make it so much worse. He wasn’t done humiliating his other half, not yet.

‘Unless, they want you to’ he panted. Mig pulled back and gently tilted your body so you’d catch Miguel’s eye, all while maintaining his wet probing of your cunt.

‘Do you want him, arañita? Or do you want me?’

At this point you’d been fucked dumb, and you were barely coherent. You were drooling onto the silk, your thighs saturated in slick and sweat, your legs trembling from overstimulation as he continued to fill you like a toy.

‘You’ you whined with zero hesitation, ‘you, I want—you, please, Mig, more—’

You didn’t see the overt disappointment in Miguel’s face, the bruising of his ego. You didn’t see the jealousy in his face as Mig groaned.

‘You sure?’ Mig purred. His gratification was fuelling his over-confidence, as was the sweet release of feeling wanted after years of neglect. ‘You wouldn’t want some extra?’

‘Mm—want—you, p-please—f-fuck its so good, so—big— you’re amazing, Mig.’ Your words were slurring each time he pumped his cock, but he heard you loud and clear.

‘Even though I’m a- filthy, half-way spider?’ he coaxed. ‘Even though I’m- a monster?’

‘Yes- f-fuck, you’re my spider’ you whined.

His whining got louder, his moans turning to pathetic whimpers. He seemed more aroused by that than anything else.

‘Ah- you want me to mate with you?’ he pleaded.

‘Yes, yes—please.’

‘You want my babies, arañita? You want me to impregnate that pretty little body? Get you nice and full?’

‘Yes, yes, fuck—’

Those soft words tipped you over the edge as you orgasmed for the third time, your desperate moans echoed out into the wider forest. Mig savoured them with a look of pure ecstasy on his face. ‘F-fuck, you’re- so tight—good arañita, so good, well done’ he breathlessly praised.

Miguel wanted nothing more than to break his counterparts chiselled face. He could feel his claws extending, his heart pounding. He was itching for a fight. But, if he fought him, he’d have to stop watching. Those soft sounds were addictive as they floated through his mind, lulling him like a siren call.

Miguel took another look at your glassy eyes and wet lips, your body shimmering with sweat as you moaned. He felt himself throb. It was, in a way, easing his rut, by vicariously experiencing this primal breeding.

It was mortifying, but he stayed. He stayed back and watched as Mig continued to mate you.  

‘Mm- fuck they’re so tight’ Mig moaned, now directly addressing Miguel. ‘So- soft, so- tight—so small. Can’t, wait to fill them—’

‘You’re disgusting’ Miguel spat.

Mig didn’t even seem to hear. His eyes were half closed, his lips parted as he felt your sweet cunt squeeze the life out of him.

‘Mm—mm—mi arañita—mine’ he repeated, over and over with each thrust. Miguel buried his face in his knees.

The clap of his fluffy abdomen on your bare ass filled the nest as he started to get rougher. He looked high, his eyes almost pink in the dim light. Every part of him was shaking.

‘Ah—I’m inside them—I’m inside them—’

 You squeaked as Mig started to push your ankles back, curling your spine so he could get deeper. He’d involuntarily covered the floor in webbing from his sheer excitement. He was like a man in rapturous prayer.

‘I’m inside them-- they’re mine—’

Each wet thrust was now splashing slick as Mig began to verbally pant. He was spanking your body with each insertion, releasing the most obscenely lewd noises.

‘Okay, I’m close- I’m close, fuck—stay still for me arañita, that’s it—’

With a guttural groan Mig aggressively ejaculated inside you, his abdomen jerking and grinding to get each spurt as deep into your cunt as possible. You welcomed the thick warmth as it soothed your stretched out muscles.

Miguel had no choice. His pride wouldn’t let him leave, so he watched Mig cum inside you.

He fixated on your face as it happened, his sharp eyes watching the drool pooling from your open lips as your eyes rolled. He sneered, trying to disguise his jealousy with disgust. He could have done that easily, he told himself, he could have filled you just as well.

‘Ah…. Fuck, are you okay arañita?’

As Mig gently rocked to a halt he bent to check your face, tenderly nestling your cheek. You could only moan in response.

‘I’m- so, good—so, so good…’

Mig let out a soft sigh of relief. Somehow, the tenderness of his aftercare seemed to disgust Miguel more than anything else he’d seen. He was scowling openly as Mig gently slid himself out and admired his work.

‘Pretty little spider… Do you want to see?’

Miguel was taken aback as Mig addressed him directly. The larger man had his hand on your suspended hips, his eyes glowering in the candlelight.

The two narrowed their eyes almost in unison. Miguel knew he should leave, but he was too far gone at this point to stop. It was over. He was a beaten dog of a man, so why not indulge once more? He silently walked across the room to admire your quivering body.

‘Is that okay, arañita?’ Mig whispered to you. You nodded, and with a grunt Mig lifted your hips for Miguel to see.

You were utterly soiled at this point. Mig put his huge hand on your rear and tilted you gently, showing off the thick white seed oozing down your thighs. He made a point to push some back inside you with his finger, only for even more to squish out. You were stuffed.

Miguel shamefully relished the sight. It was strangely soothing, like he was tricking his brain into thinking he’d finished himself and could therefore ease the rut he was in.

‘This is mine’ Mig purred, his claw squeezing your right cheek until it left a red imprint. ‘This beautiful little creature, is mine. Understood?’

As Mig quietly addressed Miguel again he made a point of sealing your entrance shut with his web, excreting a thick and sticky plug right over your cunt. You oomphed as he did.

‘Yes’ Miguel hissed through gritted teeth.

‘And you won’t stop me enjoying them’ Mig added coldly. ‘I… I, deserve this. I’m not a threat. I’m not like, you.’

Mig felt you proudly shuffle your hips into his palm.

‘I’m not a threat’ he repeated. ‘And you can hound us all you want. I’m done with you now. I have… I have them.’

As you rolled and moaned on the floor Miguel felt his nose involuntarily wrinkling. He was still a mess of anger, resentment, and arousal, all of which were fighting each other in a gut-churning mess. All he knew is, he couldn’t stay here another minute.

‘You’re both animals. You deserve each other’ he grunted.

Miguel stormed towards the nest’s entrance as Mig began to cut you free. ‘I’ll finish my watch outside’ he called over his shoulder, and when Mig’s only response was to chuckle he snarled.

Miguel pushed open the door and jumped to the ground, his feet thumping as he hit the cold forest floor.

As he moved into position to watch he could hear you giggling above him in the nest. He couldn’t make out what you were saying but you sounded happy. Mig sounded happy too, with his soft words and his gleeful chuckles.

Miguel breathed out, hard, his breath turning to vapor in the air. The forest was a sea of black and white, with no illumination spare the pale, draining light of the moon.

He stood, rigid, as he listened to you and Mig laughing upstairs.

And then he palmed his crotch. He rubbed himself hard, his calloused fingers feeling each inch of his own fat girth.

His breath came a little faster. His blood was pumping in the cold air, his body steaming. With a desperately muffled moan he phased his suit away at the groin and began to stroke his cock.

‘Fuck…. Fuck, fuck—’

He was dripping pre-cum in mere seconds as he strained in his own fist. In his mind, he indulged. It made him sick to his stomach but he indulged regardless. He thought about your pleading, your doe eyes as you blinked away those overstimulated tears. The sounds of pleasure. The sounds of being wanted.

It was easy to blank out Mig’s lower body. It was easy to see that as him, to put himself there like a mirror, and to pretend he was receiving your praise, that he was inside you. It was him, after all. His face, his eyes.

No one-night stands. No desperate, animal fucking to placate his brain. He could pretend for one moment he was experiencing something real. Those soft words, that need for more. I’m yours, you’d said. He replayed it in his mind.

So wet. So tight. Squirming on his cock, begging for more. Begging for him. Pulsing, filling, breeding. Being so wanted that you’d let him get you pregnant.

Oh god. Being wanted.

He vicariously put himself in his counterpart’s place, and with his free hand over his mouth he orgasmed onto the ground below. It was hard enough to make his body shudder and his knees weak. He coated the grass in his seed, the strings glistening slightly in the pale moonlight, before slowly phasing his suit back on.

The post-orgasm clarity hit him like a bus. Now satiated all he had was rage. Rage at himself that he couldn’t accept, and so just as he’d vicariously lived through his variant, he shifted all the blame to Mig.

He was going to ruin his counterpart’s life, whether it killed him or not.

But, first, he’d live through him. Link to next part

[miss-dollette]

Wake up call for ballistic Team Black and Rhaenyra Stan’s.

TW: Opinions and bad language.

Rhaenyra “rules for thee, none for me” Targaryen. Rhaenyra “Aegon wants to usurp my throne” but when it comes to my obvious bastard sons… nah, they’ll get this land and titles because they’re trueee Valeryeon’s (meanwhile, there’s actual Valeryeon’s who’d step up to the mantle but can’t ’cause Rhaenyra’s daddy is a fucking moron who doomed his family).

Whether Rhaenyra Stan’s want to admit it or not, Rhaenyra is a hypocrite and makes some of the most dumbest mistakes because of how spoiled and shortsighted she is. She doesn’t seem to care about consequences and constantly reaps what she sows.

She had a choice in marriage to any lord in the kingdom, which would have been a massive political advantage, but she blew it and had to marry a guy who wasn’t even straight. Not only that, she had a choice in having three bastard kids. Westeros literally has forms of birth control that she could’ve had at any moment. But noooo. Rhaenyra didn’t think ”hmm having kids with someone I’m not married to will have massive consequences and would essentially arm my enemies with more ammo on why I shouldn’t have the throne. I live in a culture that’s horribly misogynistic and everyone already doubts me because I was born with a vagina. But I’ll have two more kids even though they’ll be targeted the rest of their lives.”

What a top mind you have, Rhaenyra!

Ooooh, and i hate when she was like “now they see as you are”, bitch, what? “Now they see you as you are” - you mean a woman trying to get justice for her bullied child, who was now maimed by one of his bullies? Omg, can you imagine what Rhaenyra would have done if Jace had been the one to have his eye removed? And Viserys would have 100% let her. Matter of fact, he would have encouraged it.

I think at that moment, Alicent knew her children’s lives were in danger. Even if she hadn’t done anything at that point, besides essentially being the perfect queen and somewhat bad mother (who’s a perfect mom when you’re forced to marry and have kids before you’re even 18), her rightfully royal children were in sooo much danger, and it was proven at that moment.

And Daemyra is so god damn mf stupid. Daemon. Is. Loyal. To. Himself. And. Ceraxes. Rhaenyra is essentially a tool to put his blood (and himself) on the throne, and that’s pretty much it. He’s a complete psychopath, pedophile, and power hungry. Just because he treats her well sometimes, doesn’t mean he’s not the same Daemon who killed his last wife.

Every Rhaenyra Stan is like “Rhaenyra would never let anything happen to Alicent and her kids :)” but let’s be so fucking fr right now - Daemon would definitely kill them. Why the fuck would he ever let Otto Hightower’s kid, grandkids and great grandkids live, and even have the slightest chance against him? And Rhaenyra would let him. He literally choked her, and she’s the heir to the throne and he faced ZERO real consequences for that.

Okay, so hypothetically, let’s say Rhaenyra wins the throne, and all the Greens are dead. No one is that much of a threat to Targaryen rule, and Rhaenyra is to become queen officially. Daemon is king. Daemon. Is. King. And they still live in Misogynistic ass Westeros, and Rhaenyra is still a woman. You know how easily Daemon could just pull a “Give me that crown, everyone wants a king anyway and they’ll obey me ‘cause I’ll fucking kill them with my giant ballistic Lizard like I’ve always done, but now I have a massive military who is also fucking misogynistic. You’ll have my heirs and that’s it. Thanks Rhaenyra!”?

Rhaenyra would never let Daemon go. She needs him. Even she said it. So what would she do if he wanted the throne? Nothing. He’d kill her if she fought against him. Mr. Daemon “I murdered my first wife to get what I want” Targaryen.

And before anyone calls me a misogynistic team green or whatever, no I’m not Team Green, I’m just tired of how Rhaenyra Stan’s pretend she’s some sort of saint and the perfect character. If this doesn’t apply to you, don’t bother with lecturing me.

Rhaenyra is not Daenerys, and never will be. Just because they’re both girls and aspire for the throne, doesn’t make it a #girlboss moment. Rhaenyra wants to continue Targaryen supremacy and rule over the small folk just like her ancestors before her. She’s a super spoiled brat who doesn’t care about anyone’s pain, and wants to use everyone else as her pawns. So, more like Cersei than Daeny.

Is Rhaenyra someone completely evil? No, but she’s a huge idiot.

Also, I do sympathize for both sides, but Rhaenyra and her fans just make me want to rip my hair off.

I wrote this in 20 fucking minutes so pls don’t get on my ass about spelling errors. Bye.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Hear me out-

How would Leona react to darling having/giving birth to Malleus's kid when he thought it was his 🤭

A lil more context:

Darling has been having a 'lil' affair with their fiancée's rival. All their fiancée does is sleep so they grew bored and chose to engage in a friendship with Malleus. The once small conversation turned to casual hangouts and... This...

Malleus of course knew about the child being his from the very begging but Leona only found out after like a year in when the baby began to grow small horns, wings and a tail...

Welp, the darling better have a good explanation 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

(I think he'd know from the very begging by like the scent of Malleus on darling and how the baby would be born with the dragon features right away but like- IGNORE THOSE FACTS FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS PLZ)

Illegitimate Lizard | Yandere Leona x Married Fem Reader

That is if you get the luxury of a live birth at all

More than likely Malleus’ dragon heritage is going to come back to bite you

And you’ll be laying an egg 

Even more alarming the little tike that pops out might just be a fire-breathing baby dragon

What’s worse they don’t even grow fast 

Either way he’s more than likely having the kid shoved in a bag and tossed on the Briar kingdom’s doorstep

You on the other hand are on lock down

And he’s going to guarantee that the next baby you have is most definitely his

He’s not leaving your side

Just to make sure the lizard doesn’t come crawling back

And by the time he does your round and pregnant with your actual husband’skids 

I doubt you’ll be allowed to ever see your child again

Unless Malleus is just as determined to have you 

In which he’s no doubt pulling some arbitrary fae law out to prove he has ownership over your womb

But goodluck if he’s not 

You’ll be left to deal with Leona’s scornful obsession

Never letting you forget 

He doesn’t care if he was sleeping 

You’re his 

And he’s sure you won’t forget when you’re constantly giving birth to his cubs 

Over 

And over again

[goodomensjail]

GOOD OMENS SPOILERS BELOW if you reblog it TAG IT DAMMIT. Entire Job Sequence to the Best of my inebriated (thank you Bulleit Bourbon for sponsoring) memory:

It was not entirely clear at the  Brooklyn screening when episode 1 ended; there were no end credits but i think its fairly obvious that Job flashback is the cold open of Episode 2 because the entire audience was a bit surprised when Opening Credits played again right after the first Job scene. 

Also note that the Job story is INTERCUT at apparently key moments of the main/present day plot, but it will take a second viewing for me to see exactly what they were going for/getting at. So HERE i am going to try and write the Job minisode IN ORDER without the cuts to present day because it will help my memory. 

We open on Bearded (yes that bearded) Crowley about to sacrifice a herd of goats. (note that none of the dialogue is exact, even if i put it in quotes, its just what i can recall; the dialogue throughout is delightful and funny and theres no way i can remember it all nor would it be worth it without the performances). 

Aziraphale appears in a golden light from the sky in a “stay thy hand, demon!” type way, dramatic and biblical, before he realizes “o its just you Crawley”; Aziraphale says they have not seen one another since “the flood”. 

Crowley shows Aziraphale he has “a permit” to torment Job, God’s favorite human, because Satan and God have a bet to see if Job will curse God. Aziraphale is not happy. He takes the permit to heaven to show the Archangels who delightedly tell him YES, God is allowing blameless and good Job to be tormented by demons in a bet with Satan, but ITS OKAY because of course God will win the bet and reward Job three fold!

Aziraphale is at first glad, then stunned to hear that heaven does NOT intend to raise Job’s children from the dead, however. Job’s wife Sitis will have 7 NEW CHILDREN! Yay! (this is cute as well because Aziraphale appears to be the only angel who understands human birth and that maybe Sitis doesn't want to be pregnant and give birth 7 more times? as a mom with natural births i appreciate this, neil gaiman. the archangels are oblivious to this... they just think thats what humans do: they breed and multiply). 

As Crowley in stomping through Job’s courtyard to find his three children, Aziraphale appears to reason with him. Aziraphale appeals to knowing that Crowley doesn't want to harm Job’s children because he knew him as an Angel, to which Crowley is not impressed; he is not an angel anymore. So instead, Aziraphale pivots to “i know you” and references the flood and how Crowley was shocked that God intended to kill the children. Crowley tells Aziraphale, “you do not know me”. 

And then the pigeons in the courtyard start baa-ing. Aziraphale waves his hand and the pigeons transform into a herd of goats....Crowley didn't kill them at all, he hid them away. Aziraphale looks at Crowley smugly. 

They meet the three children of Job, Ty Tennant plays a flirtatious Ennon who comes on a bit to Aziraphale. Aziraphale explains they are in danger, but the kids are not impressed because “don't you know our father? Job? he is God’s favorite”. Crowley transports all of them to the basement while a storm rages and destroys the home above; Aziraphale realizes Crowley always intended to get to the kids first and protect them from the destruction. 

While they wait out the storm, Crowley tempts Aziraphale into eating human food for the first time. Aziraphale resists at first, but we then cut to him DIGGIN IN FORACIOUSLY to some meat, while a smiling Crowley lounges nearby watching him. The kids are annoying them both, and at some point Crowley turns them all into three small lizards. The two discuss how Crowley is not really bad and doesnt really listen to hell, and Aziraphale remarks it must be lonely living as Crowley does. Crowley tell him “not really”

God wins the bet, and give some rambling messages to Job as a prophet (which he doesn't understand or appreciate, he and Sitis just want to know where the children are). The angels, with Aziraphale in tow, arrive to announce Job will be rewarded with three times wealth, and NEW CHILDREN! Job and Sitis are horrified. 

Crowley bursts in; none of the angels recognize him, he claims to be a human cobbler (its a pun for some ancient city dont worry about it) and Aziraphale jumps in to call him DOCTOR, a famous obstetrician who delivers babies. The archangels have no idea where babies come from... Aziraphale flatters Gabriel by saying well YOU were there when Eve was “born” youve seen it before. 

Crowley understand the cue, and pretends to “deliver” Job and Sitis’ new children by having Sitis pull three ribs out of Job (the animal ribs from the meat Aziraphale was eating) and transforms them into three children (the lizards hidden in Jobs robes turn into his three children).

Michael is suspicious because arent humans supposed to have “babies”, but Aziraphale cues Gabriel to tell them about Eve being fully grown. The kids are confused and almost give away the bit, but Job and Sitis play along. Gabriel turns to Aziraphale and point blank asks : “Are these their old children?” to which a PAINED Aziraphale after a look to Crowley LIES to the angels and says “no these are their new children”

We cut to Aziraphale from afar and behind (the ocean and rock shot) and Crowley comes to join him. Aziraphale is crying. (DIALOGUE THAT FOLLOWS IS NO ACCURATE ITS THE GIST)

A: “Im ready for you to take me”

C:”Take you where?” or “Where are we going” something to that effect, he is amused in a bittersweet way

A: “I lied to the archangels and foiled the plans of God. Im ready to go to hell with you”

C: amused in such a kind way, tells him something to the effect of “Youre not going to hell. I wont tell if you wont”

A: sitting on the rock next to Crowley, still teary, “How can i keep on obeying heaven?”

C: “You will take it as far as you can take it, and youll do it your way when you need”

A: “You said it wasnt lonely”

C: “I’m a demon. I lied”

Gorgeous scene of them sitting together on the rock and cut to black 

[starryeyeddreamer21]

@speakofthedebbie you asked me what my radioapple fankid is like and I literally cannot give normal answers so take this I guess 😭

Background:

Before Alastor went missing he was in a sort of relationship with Lucifer. No one knew about them and even they had never had an actual talk about their relationship, mostly just enjoying each other's company. One day Alastor started getting sick.

He didn't understand why especially because it was very rare for sinners to get sick. He mostly ignored it, he threw up a bit but he would be fine afterwards. Lucifer was obviously worried but him but didn't push the subject.

Eventually Alastor decided to meet up with Rosie for tea but he never made it to Cannibal Town. On the way there he felt sick and ended up throwing up in an alley. While in the alley a figure appeared to him. He recognized her, it was Lilith.

She explained to him what was happening and he was horrified. Sinners couldn't get pregnant. After a long explanation over tea she offered to help him.

Lilith had made a deal with heaven a few months before that (a deal Alastor never did actually get all the details of). She was going to be staying in heaven and wanted to take Alastor with her so she could help him and the baby.

Alastor thought about it and agreed. Heaven didn't like this very much and never agreed to let Alastor stay in heaven so they changed things around. They set up a house for them in purgatory which is a place in between heaven and hell (imagine the beach Lilith was on). Lilith was allowed in heaven but Alastor was not.

The pregnancy was fairly normal at first (it was a bit difficult to get the food Alastor needed to survive but they managed). He was pregnant with twins. They were devastated when one ended up absorbing the other. Alastor ended up giving birth to a baby girl.

He named her Morgana (Morgie for short).

She lived a good life in purgatory. It was a bit lonely with only her Papa and Auntie Lily for company but she loved them. She was even allowed in heaven sometimes as long as she was with Lilith. Though she felt very out of place amongst the angels and other children.

Everyone was nice to her or at least they weren't purposefully mean. They all seemed a bit frightened of her though even though she would never hurt a fly (she would eat people though but they don't have to know that).

A few months before Morgie's seventh birthday Lilith started acting strange and distant. They learned that Lilith's daughter, Charlie, had started a hotel to redeem sinners. Morgie immediately started asking about redemption but what she was really interested in was learning more about Hell. Alastor and Lilith noticed how fascinated she had become with Hell and came up with an idea.

Alastor and Morgie would go back to Hell to help out with the Hotel. It really did seem like the best solution. Alastor missed being the Radio Demon and after all Lilith's done for him he might as well keep an eye on her daughter as well.

So Alastor went back to Hell and quickly got situated in the hotel before sending for Morgie. He created the bayou specifically for his daughter. Deep in the swamp they have a cabin for the two of them where Morgie stays. She's specifically told not to leave the bayou unless Alastor is with her.

The only people who know about Morgie are Husk and Niffty who stay with her when Alastor is busy with his hotel duties.

Honestly this goes better than you'd think, Morgie isn't really happy about it at first because she can't really leave and she misses Lilith more than she thought she would. She does like the bayou much better than the beach though. Thankfully she isn't stuck in the bayou all the time either. She inherited shapeshifting abilities from Lucifer so she's able to disguise herself and ride around in Alastor's coat pocket as a small animal (usually some kind of lizard or a spider). She's also been on some trips to cannibal town because Rosie is one of the only people Alastor trusts and they don't have electronics there to video tape it and out them. Morgie quickly becomes attached to Niffty, Husk, and Rosie.

Things stay the same for much longer than Alastor originally planned, the extermination being moved up was definitely inconvenient. Lucifer showing up wasn't great either. Alastor immediately pretended they had never met, Lucifer was infuriated by this but played along because his daughter was there.

After their whole song battle Lucifer pretended to leave but really just teleported up to Alastor's room because they obviously needed to talk. Alastor was pissed. His room was way too close to Morgie and he did not want her and Lucifer meeting at that moment (or ever really but he's not completely delusional). They fight, Lucifer gets zero information, then he leaves and isn't seen at the hotel until the battle.

After the failed extermination Morgie starts getting impatient. She was promised this wouldn't be forever but after Lucifer moved in she stopped getting answers. So she decided to rebel. Alastor was out on an errand with Charlie and Niffty was late so she snuck out of the bayou. She wandered the halls until Lucifer found her.

Lucifer was obviously confused at finding a child roaming the halls so he brought her down to the lobby to see if anyone knew her. Husk has a heart attack on the spot and when Morgie waved at him everyone could tell that they knew each other. Then Niffty ran in a moment later near tears and also freaked out when she saw Morgie. The group hadn't managed to get any answers out of the two by the time Alastor and Charlie arrived.

Charlie was confused as to why her dad was holding a random child and Alastor was FURIOUS. Morgie greeted him with an awkward "Hi, Papa" and Lucifer immediately put two and two together. He's actually a bit surprised it took him that long because he could definitely see the resemblance now that he was paying attention. He didn't say anything in front of the others though. He had to get Alastor alone to talk about this.

Now that everyone knew about Morgie she stuck around though she was told to stay away from Lucifer and not mention heaven or Lilith.

It was obvious to Lucifer but Alastor refused to say it out loud. Mostly telling Lucifer to stay away from his daughter (coughhypocritecough). Soon enough it became obvious to everyone else in the hotel too (besides Charlie and Morgie who might be ignoring it on purpose tbh) but no one said anything for obvious reasons.

Looks:

She's definitely got a mix of both her dad's features. She has Alastor's deer features, his ears, tail, hooves, she even has fawn spots and a deer like nose. She has white skin though and the red circle blush on her cheeks like Lucifer. She has wavy blonde hair with red tips. Her eyes are the opposite of Lucifer's with red sclera and yellow irises. She has the gradient limbs of both her parents as well as their sharp claws and teeth. She has wings too, they're an ombre of red feathers but the feathers are super sharp like sharp enough to cut. When she's angry she grows antlers and her eyes turn completely red.

Powers:

She mostly inherited Lucifer's powers. By that I mean his shapeshifting abilities. She's unable to control shadows like Alastor does but her shadow does have a personality of their own. Morgie started calling her shadow Avalon (Avi), which shocked both Alastor and Lilith because that was going to be the name of her unborn sibling. She also has a bit of radio wave powers, just being able to communicate through and change the radio station at will.

My Hazbin Hotel OCs Original Post

[fanthirtheen]

I've seen plenty of people talking bout Goetia laying eggs, a lot in Stolitz egg au stuff, but I've also seen in those AU stuffs, implications that imps don't. I fully believe imps also lay eggs.

They are lizard-coded and there is no way in hell they give live birth with those horns. I do not believe the horns come in like teeth later, because Blitz's horns have stayed proportionate to his head since he was a kid. In the pilot (I know, not canon) we see an imp (part imp?) Pushing a stroller with an egg in it.

Both imps and goetia lay eggs, I am so confident. Blitz does not have any picture of his egg days but he does judge Stolas for his big portraits of eggs because "only dorky ass blue-bloods would do that"

[sonicanvas]

Since this is gonna be a personal view of me going through MK1 and I have been giving you the design perspective of Reptile, let's look on my personal take of the lore as my excuse to tell you how much I like him

First things first, I consider myself pretty new in MK, being my introduction to it was MK11. Due to how small the roster was, I didn't know Reptile was present at all. To my personal view at the time, he was just...another lizard monster jobber like Baraka. I admit his design in MKX was badass, but that's pretty much it.

Going into MK, I'm not sure if I'm gonna like it, knowing how they treated my first floodgate character in MK11 being Sindel. As I stated about Reptile, I love Sindel's design. I can see how she was probably inspired by Elvira(idk who that is but she looks exactly like her so lmk) and her MK11 design being a love letter to the Mortal Kombat movies back in 1995. Most MK11 character designs are, in exception to... Liu Kang and Kung Lao, for some reason, and well, the new additions(either brought in from MKX or completely new)

Safe bet they still haven't get a permission from Robin Shou to capitalize on a Liu Kang skin. Will be nice if they have it tho.

So, how did I get here?

Strangely enough, it was because I went down a YouTube rabbit hole and someone sent me the "KK in a wheelchair" meme.

Then I discovered SonicHaXD, then the other guys next to him, TrueUnderDawg and the4thSnake.

I already know the4thSnake from his Tekken videos so it wasn't as big of a jump to try looking at other lore-related stuff he did with MK. The leap of faith, however, was in TrueUnderDawg, since he was mostly sharing gameplay-related videos. I already despised him for using AI-generated image as a thumbnail while a quick edit using official renders wouldn't hurt anyone, or yk...pay an artist?

...and there comes the lore parts and I fell down the Reptile hole.

Watching the lore videos I was like

Learning that he was one of the OGs, next to Sub-Zero and Scorpion, on top of his lizard ability making him...basically a Reversed Druid, was the biggest bombshell dropped on me because how could NRS decide to fumble him

I saw him again in the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie, but then again, he's just...another lizard guy jobber. I love that his story revolved around him, being the last Saurian that only wants to help his people to have a new home after Shang Tsung pretty much fumbled them...like the NRS writers fumbling him on every turn. Even the 3D Era shows no mercy to his lore for him to only show up as a vessel for Onaga.

Then I heard those leaks about Reptile joining in M1K. My heart was racing like hell, thinking they would probably fumble him even worse.

And then...the reveal

And I read the official bio they gave to him, which so far, I am completely in love with the way it took a different twist from the original lore. So instead of him being the last hope of his people, he was betrayed by them for being what he is.

Although I would find the joining a circus part is unnecessary, and the part where Shang Tsung took his family, doesn't have to be a wife and child. I understand they want to draw parallels once Baraka got his own chapter to spare Syzoth, but the "family" can be...his own parents or relatives. Maybe he used to have brothers or sisters, knowing reptilians lay eggs in batches, even off-season and for crocodiles, whether the baby is gonna be male or female is decided according to temperature of environments where the egg was laid.

And to a case of Komodo Dragon, the hatchlings would immediately climb trees because the parents tend to cannibalize their own babies, which works well to Syzoth's narrative of being "the odd one's out" on a constant survival mode from birth, because...even his parents didn't want him, but he didn't know that so he often blame himself for showing his human form one time and wished he never did, while also thinking that living with humans as a Zaterran with the ability to look "human" is a psychological torture on itself, considering his diet consist of bugs or even human flesh to some extent.

We could keep the traveling part because he would stumble on Shang Tsung currently on his travel to look for some ingredients of his drugs and thought that guy could probably "cure" his affliction, and helped him with his researches through any means; either stealing some shit or kill some shit. He didn't care about the consequences for as long as he believed Shang Tsung can help him, to the point of General Shao trusting them with Mileena's treatment...

...until Shang Tsung decided to stab him on the back by using Syzoth's abilities against him—staging murders in favor or General Shao and throws all the blame at him, giving an excuse for General Shao and his men to hold Syzoth's family in hostage, to the point of our main Story Mode.

Syzoth was like "You promised to cure me. We had a deal!"

But Shang Tsung was like, "There was never a cure, Syzoth. You're just born like that. Oh, and I got rid of your family. They never want you anyway."

Syzoth, holding a pent up anger, really wants to take it on Shang Tsung, but he's already gone. No family, no home, and nowhere to go. He was in a conflict, not only with Shang Tsung, but also with himself. He hates that Shang manipulated him, but he also hates to accept that his family never loved him for what he is, only for another person to abuse him again...for what he is and what he can do. He's constantly living in fear of being alienated, so he did everything he knew to gain some sort of validation, or even affection, only to make things worse on his end. His journey was for him to learn not only to accept the multiple facets of himself, but also a healthier relationship with others.

Especially knowing this would align much better with his Tower Ending. Though on my personal Headcanon, he got a job as Royal Emissary to bridge a connection between Outworld and Earthrealm, where Kenshi's "Special Forces" route comes in.

Though a personal story of how I end up shipping Syzoth and Kenshi, is gonna be a separate story to tell

[bonefall]

Speaking of Lizi (may she bite Sagewhisker too), is there a specific kind of lizard she's named for? Does she eat her name in soups?

Clan cats only know two types of lizard, and they think one of them is a snake!

There's Slowworms, and Common Lizards. The UK is actually super lacking in reptiles because most of the island is soooo cold. The reptiles that do live here have to be adapted to freezing conditions, which is usually a problem when your WHOLE thing is being coldblooded.

I don't have an official translation for Lizardstripe yet. I'm going back and forth between Slowworm or Common Lizard.

Slowworm

Is a super neat animal. Technically a lizard, but Clan cats call them a type of snake. They drop their tails when threatened, which is said to be a fault of a legendary figure that re-made them incorrectly.

They're thought to be a clever creature, but one that tends to mind its own business. Use in her name would have more "danger potential."

Common Lizard

I'm leaning towards this one because its scientific name refers to giving live birth TWICE and that's ironic to me. Another animal reduced just to its ability to produce children.

They also have a stripe like hers, plus drop their tails. Lastly, they have splayed back legs, which is probably why Lizi was named; she has a habit of laying "splooted," like a lizard.

And yes she eats her namesake in soups. Both lizards and slowworms are eaten.

[ceratosaurtalks]

So I've been hesitant to post some feeding images to talk about the different variation in diets that I feed, but then I decided I totally could post a Dominicans feeding pic! Heres two different images of her with her 'prey', a month apart with the first being the most recent. She eats more often that but I rotate between feeding these and Frozen/Thawed Anoles Ive raised myself.

So you're probably sitting there wondering, wtf is she eating?

Well Ill tell you! She's eating a specialized Reptilink, its a sausage but for reptiles! They come in a lot of different types of whole prey items. From Quail to Rabbit, to Bayou blends, herbivorous blends and more! Not just for snakes either, but a lot of lizards can enjoy them too! Their insect blend is especially nice and adds a lot of nutritional variation.

So, which one is she eating? She's eating the Iguana blend! Its whole prey Iguana mixed with Quail eggs. I also feed her link occasionally to my Dumerils ground boa as a treat. So, why do I do this?

Well, for a few different reasons!

For the Dominican, it is better and healthier for this animal to be eating lizards over rodents at this age. Dominican Red Mountain Boas are specialized eaters, and the reason you don't see them bred super often in captivity despite being amazing animals? Baby Dominicans fresh born(Yes, born, they give live birth), are notoriously known for only accepting anoles as prey items. Captive-bred F/T Anoles are not readily-available feeders on the market, especially ones that are of *quality*. This means that you'll likely need to breed your own supply of anoles, which can be a HUGE hassle. There is a very small amount of breeders who spend a *LOT* Of time and effort getting babie on f/t rodents as they're more readily available, but ultimately it is not worth the time, effort, and risk to the animals overall health as Rodent prey items have a much higher fat content than they should be eating at this age. As Domincans get older, they will Naturally switch over to other prey items: Fish, Rodents, and Avian prey.

This is also to ensure she doesn't become a picky eater as she grows. I switch up my animals diets often because feeding the same exact nutritional value to an animal can be detrimental to them in the long term. A lot of snakes don't live out their fullest life span, or develop health complications way later down the line- most commonly being muscle atrophy, because of these things. Not only that, offering different prey items can be very mentally stimulating to an animal: Different scents, different textures, different nutrition, ect. Stimulating reptiles in captivity is often overlooked entirely, because a lot of people don't understand how intelligent a lot of these animals actually are. For example, did you know Monitor lizards, when given a mental stimulation, can be trained?

Heres one of my favorite videos of a Monitor being trained, but this is just one of many, many examples I can pull out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWTITUgDcmU

And this *can* extend to many sp. Of snakes that can be trained. Tap training, target training, and choice-based handling are some of the most common ways to train and build confidence with your animal. Feeding different prey items might be something extraordinarily small in this process of mental stimulation, but it plays a role in preventing mental degradation.

My Dominican Is target trained and practices choice based handling. As does my Dumeril.

I do a lot of the above for the same reason I give my Dumeril, but Dumeril's aren't specialist. So the first part of this doesn't really apply to her.

However, that doesn't mean Dumeril ground boas don't come across lizards in the wild. They are opportunistic hunters who won't pass up on a opportunity to get a meal. They do prey on lizards, rodents, birds- anything they can reasonably get their mouths on. And because of that, I like to offer her variation in her diet that she'd naturally have in the wild for maintaining her weight and keeping her healthy and strong.

Boas hold onto weight a lot better than Pythons do, *typically* speaking across the species. Animals like a Dumerill, BCI, BCC, BCL, and even BCOs(Just as a few examples) are known to really hold onto weight and can be hard for them to shed it. So the best way to prevent a very long, extensive diet? Is to not let your animal get obese in the first place.

Tag for @snake-spotted for the DRMB ahah.

[thesnivy123]

Heya! So what headcanons do you have about Masked Kids in general? (Feel free to tell me absolutely everything about them lol)

Okayokayokay i cant get into all the finest details just bc idt i have the energy to write every detail out in one go, so feel free to ask about specific things if u want to know more. But basically: human-mimicking semi-brood-parasitic carnivorous pack-hunting goats. which. Is a lot. gonna break this down a little

start with the simplest one. Goats! They're goats- Or at least, they're goats in the way an aminoguana is a lizard and a mothi is a moth- They're sapient creatures descended from a lineage of goats that developed a specific genetic mutation universal to all monster species- It's tied to heightened intelligence, purple-hued blood that creates a thick gas when exposed to open air, and a heightened proficiency for magic. Humans are actually the only sophont in the setting to NOT have the "monster gene"- They evolved into sapience the long, complicated way.

Masked Folk are unique among monsters, however, for their entire evolutionary history being inseparably intertwined with that of humans. See, the Masked Folk quickly established themselves as apex predators upon reaching sapience. Not many animals want to mess with humans, not many animals want to mess with large ungulates, and so, it stands to reason that VERY LITTLE would mess with large HUMANOID ungulates... That is, except for humans. Though they typically didn't compete for territory- humans preferring open fields, the Folk preferring dense forests- Masked Folk live off basically the exact diet humans do (plus a little extra meat, being obligate carnivores). They were in direct competition for resources. This led to conflict, which led to humanity now being one of the sole drivers of their evolution... Which, thanks to the wonders of the Monster Gene causing more mutations, happened to work faster than you'd expect.

In raids on Masked Folk villages, humans were far less likely to directly harm their young than the adults- Beyond the moral aspect of this, they shared a lot of traits with human children. And, over generations of conflict with humanity, these traits got amplified- When your one remaining predator is more willing to spare you when you look like their kids, you're gonna eventually start looking like their kids.

Eventually, we ended up with the Masked Kids we see today. Highly shortened muzzles, tiny horns, big eyes- all coming together to vaguely resemble a human child's face. This... Doesn't fool anyone on it's own, though, aside from looking cute.

That, of course, is where magic gets involved.

See, Masked Folk- as adults- have a natural knack for magic, compared to other monsters. This has nothing to do with it's usefulness to them in adulthood, and everything to do with its function in their youth. Young Masked Kids- from birth until around 16- ambiently radiate a powerful "illusionary" magic, making humans perceive them as being a human child.

"Illusionary" is in quotes, because it has no effect on their physical appearance. No, it's closer to a weak sort of mind control, if anything. The magic taps right into the facial recognition part of the brain, a few other places too, and just... Spins a few things around. Makes it so that, so long as you're within range of their aura, when you look at a Masked Kid, you consider them to be young of your own species. Even if you factually know they're not, you know how it works, it just... You can't really follow the train of thought that goes "that's something else". The thought might still be there, but it slips through your mind like butter, you can't hold on to the idea that this isn't A Child Of Your Species. "Your Species", because it isn't human specific- just... deeply ineffective on any other species. Really just counters humans. Either way, the masks they wear amplify this, giving the human mind a plausible excuse for why the features dont line up, and letting this mimicry go unquestioned.

This mental defense, combined with the odd growth rate of the masked folk, allows them to go relatively undetected in human civilization from any age up until their late teens. A masked kid will grow at around the same rate as a human infant until the age of ten- At which point, they very suddenly stop. They remain "ten years old" for years, not growing an inch- at most, gaining a little weight as their bodies stockpile energy, but even this is rarely noticeable, as this phase of growth is HIGHLY optimized to make as few stages as possible (there's actually a pocket of previously unused space within their chest cavity that fills up with a condensed fat deposit during these years- this goes away when their body structure changes in adulthood). Their mimckry aura works to ensure nobody questions this halt in growth, of course. Theyve got to remain cute and sympathetic for as long as possible.

Then, at around 16, they hit a growth spurt. A very, very big one. Within a couple years, they'll grow several feet in height, their torso and snout will elongate, and their tail thickens out as a counter-balance to their front-heavy posture- This is when the mimicry aura shuts down, because, as powerful as it is, there's only so much it can hide. That deep well of magic is now freed up for personal use, with some amount of knowledge on its use being instinctual, for at this age, they're bound to be shunned from human civilization.

That is, if they haven't left for the woods already. Though Masked Folk are just as sapient as humans, they've got some pretty strong instincts in their younger stages, to keep up the ruse- Don't stand out, avoid crowds, do what you're told, and, once the growth spurt hits, Leave. Even those who are still welcome in their home- more common than you'd think, for many reasons- often follow the call of the woods eventually. Those ones come back if they can't find other Masked Folk. They still go out, but still.

... All this, of course, is only relevant if they find themselves in a human settlement. Most Masked Folk never even see their mimicry come into play- If all goes well, they're raised peacefully by their parents and siblings in small communities in the woods- usually consisting of a few family groups and any stragglers from human civilization. See, they don't WANT to be brood parasites, it's not their plan A. No, that's all a last resort. A tactic to survive if the worst came to worst. Ideally, they raise their own kids safely within their own species- or, occasionally- a mixed-monster-species group.

The Hero Cycle and Stitched Castle have... complicated things, of course, in the regions surrounding the Chestnut Kingdom, but in other parts of the world, Masked Folk still live pretty traditionally. Often in better relations with humans, though- Agriculture makes the competition for resources a little less of an issue, and now, they've got a reputation far different than most monsters. Something a little surprising, actually. Something that's earned them a few different names, in different places.

The Forest Dwellers. The Fair Folk. The Other People. Changelings.

The Fae.

[planet-crait]

It’s time for Lost and Founders day and I’ve heard this is a potential totally rough one so uh I’m very nervous. Ohhh we have a 22 minute episode yeah it’s going to be big.

Oh Mr. Guzman so excited about his hat. Wait where did it go? How did Hazel snatch it off of his hat? I’m impressed by both her skill and uh bravery lolz.

I love how unamused Mr. Guzman is by Hazels antics but also just takes his hat back and doesn’t say anything else.

I feel like a festival celebrating billionaires is uh capitalistic hell lolz. Ohhh Devs not wearing the sunglasses still aww!!! He’s still being kind of snotty but I don’t expect that to change overnight and given that he feels this is a super big deal and something his dad appreciates I get why he’s acting like this.

Are those just Apple Watches lolz? Or wait maybe closer to a magic bands functionality since they don’t tell time lolz. I love Devs smile as he just deadpans no. It’s just. I like seeing the tiny child smiling okay?

Wait let Cosmo go he’s onto something I just know it I don’t trust Dale or any billionaire as far as I can throw them (I don’t count Dev he’s a literal child it’s different).

Okay I died when Hazel proudly declared she and Dev are friends and trusts the watches because they’re friends like. Gosh it’s so cute. But oh poor Dev if something IS going on? She’s going to blame Dev who likely doesn’t know anything as a literal child. Dev is so like excited for his dad and thinks he’s amazing. He’s the worst but Dev being excited for his dad is precious.

Uhhh okay so I’m not an electrician or anything but I doubt electrocuting users is a great thing lolz. Oh Hazel you’re so cute though. I love how excited she is about the hat.

Oh oh Dev he’s so nervous talking to his dad can I hug him? Please? He needs a hug I can feel it.

Aww Dev is trying so hard to find something to do with his dad. I kind of want to cry the poor thing. He’s nervous around his dad but clearly also wants some sort of physical comfort for him he literally tried to ask if he could just. Hold his dad’s hand? I could cry right now.

DALE HOW COULD YOU NOT LOVE THIS CHILD HES WILLING TO EAT A LIZARD FOR YOU!!!! A lizard!!!!

Oh Devs so sad when he realized his dad wasn’t even listening oh no my heart.

Dev goes from so hopeful to crushed when his dad rejects anything else for him oh. He’s trying so hard

Primary function? What the actual fuck Dale?? HES YOUR SON!!! He wants to do stuff with you!!! For you!!! He loves you so much WHY CANT YOU LOVE HIM IN RETURN?!??!!

Each Dimmadone adds a statue?? That’s going to get crowded fast.

Oh no Dev is so hopeful. Wait Dev mentions it was his birthday to the day but Dale said 9 years ago. Dev is only 9 i thought he was 10 my bad. Oh no. I know what Dev is thinking and I have a bad feeling it’s not. Oh but Dev looks so hopeful and excited oh.

Just. This precious child.

I’m so scared he’s about to get his heart crushed he thinks it’s a father and son statue. I have a bad bad feeling about this. Dale is the worst, I doubt he would include Dev but maybe hopefully I’m wrong?

Aww Hazel is so excited about this hat lolz. It’s so adorable.

Wow uh I’m impressed people are respecting the drones lolz. Like they’re standing and waiting patiently for one to scan them. Most unrealistic part of the episode if I’m being honest. Maybe the entire series.

Wait you didn’t set up your booth before it started??? Really???

Hazel. You’re so precious I love your excitement over a hat. It’s such a kid thing to do. Oh Cosmo and Wanda are talking to the Wells. I hope this goes well.

Oh yep this went off the rails immediately. I love Wanda’s increasing panic as Cosmo makes it worse like COSMO!!! Think before you speak? Human males don’t give birth and don’t live thousands of years!! You’d think with how like accepting people seem to be now in Demadelphia they’d just roll with Cosmo and Wanda are both trans to avoid this? You’d think.

Or was this a Nick thing where having trans characters was “too much” or something stupid like that? How they could pull that when they have canonical mpreg I’ll never know.

Wait do the Wells just think they’re trans and are too awkward to admit it? I’m trying to get a read on the look they shared lolz.

Well it’s sweet they’re still talking to Cosmo and Wanda and are curious about their son. Oh well at least Wanda is fumbling it just as hard lolz. I love how confused the Wells are.

Smooth Wanda. Smooth. That won’t raise any suspicion at all. She didn’t even try to recover and just ran off lolz. Curious that this is the first time we’ve seen Poof mentioned so far.

Oh look past wishes are here! Hey uh drones admitting it’s poorly constructed won’t get you many people interested. Cosmo and Wanda disguised there Wanda as lollipops I love it.

Oh Cosmo. STOP BLATANTLY USING MAGIC IN PUBLIC!! Him getting crushed by a hat filled with ten galleons of something is kind of funny though.

Aww I love how much Hazel wants to show that this is her home now. Some great growth for Hazel. Okay but I do feel Cosmo on not hearing words correctly like. I feel that.

Hazel you’re so excited but calm down kiddo it’s rude to interrupt!!! Really? Admitting what the focus groups think? I mean he’s a billionaire so people will probably still buy his stuff and justify it somehow.

I love how Hazel is sitting on Cosmos shoulders and getting so excited. She’s so excited lolz. Also love how little her dad is worried about it. Great dad right there. Only three questions? Really?

Lolz oh Cosmo you sweet summer child. Misunderstanding things said verbally you understand me.

Cosmo and Wanda why are you surprised the statue is talking? YOU GRANTED THE WISH?? Wait why is one of only three founders have a Toga? I’m confused? How are their only three founders but one seemingly so much older than the other two? How often and when do new statues get added? Is Doug Dimmadone dead and that’s why a new one is being added?

Oh Dev. Oh Dev you sweet naive child. Your dad doesn’t want to help kids he wants money. Oh sweetie. I need to hug him immediately and punch Dale.

Oh Dev. Oh Dev you’re so sweet. He just wants his dad’s love and his dad does not love him at all. Ohh it’s Hazel it’s Hazel. I know she’s the anomaly. But how does she not want anything she wants the hat???

Oh Hazel you’re so cute you want to help other kids have a great day I love that. Lolz are the drones sad they can’t do their jobs? Why do I feel a little bad for them? Okay between the watches and the cut the line pass that says fast pass on it I can’t help but feel the show is making digs at Disneyland lolz. The drone thinks it’s insane. I didn’t think drones could feel like that.

Oh Dale you’re so horrible. Accurate billionaire. But still feel so bad for Dev. Dev trying to keep up with his dad. Aww Dev you’re so cute and so exciting oh no. It’s. It’s boots. His. Boots are his. Bundle of joy he got on the day of Devs birth….THAT COMMENT BEFORE WAS A JOKE I DIDNT WANT DALE TO NOT EVEN CARE ABOUT DEVS BIRTH IT WAS A JOKE.

HOW COULD YOU DENY THIS PRECIOUS CHILD BEING ON THE STATUE WITH YOU??? LOOK AT HIMMMMM.

His face. When he thinks his dad is talking about him. He’s been denied love and affection and he thinks he’s finally getting it and he doesn’t.

Oh gosh. Oh he admitted the boots are what matters most to him. Also Wanda and Hazel looking like concerned about this. Yes give me people seeing what Dev is going though damn it. Aww Cosmo crying for Dev even though he doesn’t realize I think they’re related. Oh wait he’s crying over Poof my bad. Would have loved to see that concern for Dev and NO DEV NOOOOO DONT CRY!!! Let me hug you child!!!!!

You can pinpoint the exact second my heart shatters with Devs.

Incase anyone is wondering how I feel about Dale right about now.

That image sums it up pretty nicely. Only Hazel even noticed he left oh no.

Hazel you are such a good friend going to check in Dev. Oh you sweet child you’re such a good friend. Oh you’re waiting for the trivia winner to be announced and oh no she forgot about poor Dev. SOMEONE CHECK ON THE SMALL CHILD PLEASE HE LOOKS SO SAD.

Oh Dev, you’re being so sarcastic I love that for you lolz. Aww Dev is trying to protect Hazel you’re so sweet and such a good friend. Dev oh you naive child. Oh poor baby.

Aww Dev you’re hurting so much but you’re still trying to protect Hazel oh sweet child. Oh Dev he’s so worried about Hazel but wants to talk but can’t but honey. Just tell Hazel what’s going on she’ll listen to you she trusts you. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no this is going bad oh no. He’s panicking and Hazel thinks he’s being mean to her again but he’s just scared for her and doesn’t know how to communicate this stuff. Oh no. Oh Dev you’re such a good friend but Hazel is going to be furious with you.

A slight animation error I noticed. When Dev and Hazel talk he doesn’t have the glasses, then they appear on his face when he steals the hat then they’re immediately gone when he’s running.

I thought maybe the glasses were meant to show he’s masking from Hazel again but they vanish again so quickly.

I just noticed Dev also snatched the watch which smart remove both elements your dad was tracking her with.

Dev you’re so proud of yourself for tricking your asshole dad. Oh wait the founders statues were already alive? Wait then what did Cosmo and Wanda poof up I have questions.

Wow uh. Yep Dale is as evil as I thought. Wow uh. Wow. This is a lawsuit waiting to happen. False imprisonment and harming people? Wow. And people will buy from them still?

Cosmo is right again and no one will believe him. Hazel asking the real questions. Lolz 😂 wait why isn’t this historian questioning the wish part? Why is he cool with Magic? Hazel priorities. Oh someone finally believes Cosmo. Finally. Not even Cosmo believes it lolz.

I love Hazel swinging her legs trying to walk in the bush with Cosmo and Wanda but her legs are too short to reach the ground. Why is she so cute and precious?

Hazel sneak faster Cosmo isn’t that good. Wow uh blatantly showing what the evil plan is lolz. Oh Hazel oh Hazel you are so right Cosmo would do that. He really would. Aww Cosmo is having fun dancing lolz.

Oh oh no. Oh no. Hazel please listen to Dev. He didn’t know he didn’t know he wanted to change it! He was trying to help you!!! Oh Dev he sounds so sad when he mentions he was helping her. He tried to help he tried. HES A CHILD WITH NO FAIRYGODPARENT WHO REALLY NEEDS ONE HE DID HIS BEST HAZEL! For once Hazel is kind of wrong not even giving him a chance to explain she just refuses to listen and stormed off on I’m crying oh Dev.

Oh. Oh the drones know what Dev needs and it’s the one thing they can’t give him. Oh this hurts. SOMEONE PLEASE HUG THE CHILD. Oh he has a photo of him with Hazel my heart. Oh my heart. The thing he’s most sad about seems to be Hazel since he mentions her first and oh she was his first real friend and he thinks he’s lost her.

DEV FINALLY GETTING A FAIRY FINALLY!!! IVE SEEN THIS SCENE SO MANY TIMES I FINALLY GOT TO SEE IT!!! Oh Dev he honestly should have long had a fairy with what he goes through like why did it take so long for him to get one? Was it because he’s been in denial for awhile about his dad not loving him and when the reality finally hits it breaks him? I could see that I suppose? Maybe? BUT I NEED HAZEL AND DEV TO MAKE UP PLEASE DEV NEEDS A FRIEND NOW MORE THEN EVER HE HAS NO ONE WHO LOVES HIM HE NEEDS SOMEONE DAMN IT.

Oh Dev failed to communicate properly and Hazel just assumed the worst of Dev which is so sad. They’re just kids so I understand how things went wrong but it hurts so much seeing Dev hurting so much.

I’m going to be in agony until they make up again (please let them make up and be friends PLEASE).

[snackssaviour]

I forget if i asked this, but do you have a favorite dinosaur? Alternatively ill take your favorite reptile + facts

Favorite dinosaur would have to be deinosuchus!!! They're huuuuuuuuuge gators, but are more related to alligators and caimans! Caimans are my favorite gator like creatures, by the way! Specifically Cuvier's Dwarf Caiman! Tiny little guys!

BUT! Cuiver's aren't my favorite reptile! They're cool and all, but they don't reach the same level of coolness as a KOMODO DRAGON DOES!!! They have teeth that curve INWARDS so they can TEAR their prey! And their teeth has a coat of iron on it! They have this venom that causes paralysis and shock, so they bite their enemy, and even if it somehow escapes, they can find it again when its all paralyzed and unable to move and eat it!

My favorite reptile fact has to be about shinglebacks. Shinglebacks are the ONLY KNOW LIZARD TO GREAVE! If a mate dies, they'll lay beside their dead partner, sometimes nudging them with its snout. They stand vigil over their fallen friend for a bit, which I think is so cool! They mate for life, so whenever its mating season and the go to the breeding grounds, and they find the same mate they've mated with before! And what's so cool about that is that they can live for 50 years!!! Some subspecies of shinglebacks stay with their mate for two months before breeding, then they have kids together! And they give live birth! When the babies are born, they usually stay in their moms territory for a few months as they grow!

Shinglebacks also have tails about the size of their head, so if a predator is hunting them, theirs a chance the predator will try and bite its tail instead of its head, giving the shingleback a chance to survive!

[embracing-the-ineffable]

Twenty Questions

Thanks for the tags, @eybefioro, @goodoldfashionednightingale, and @hoarder-of-dragons! I picked my favorites from the posts you tagged me on, and added a few more of my own:

Currently consuming: Good Omens everything

Currently consuming: Good Omens everything (it's worth repeating!)

First ship: I'm not sure. I think I was introduced to the concept of ships through Thomas Sanders' Sanders Sides

Do you have kids? Yes, birth and foster 🥰

What sports do you play/have you played? Dance, horseback riding, and martial arts

Are you more likely to be sincere or sarcastic? Sincere

How many tabs are open on your browser? Over 3,000, because Session Buddy doesn't work on mobile yet 😅

What's your favourite colour? There's no way I can choose! I love the play of different colors with one another. I tend to wear a lot of purple, burgundy, and teal jewel tones, especially in the autumn and winter.

Favorite drink: Hot cocoa with marshmallows and herbal tea for the winter

Last movie: Nothing Lasts Forever and Pride and Prejudice (Those of you as obsessed with Good Omens as I am might recognize a theme here 🤩 )

Scary movies or happy endings? Feel good media with happy endings, please! The world is already full of too many sad and awful things.

When was the last time you cried? I don't remember, but it was probably induced by sleep deprivation and stress. Or really big feelings.

Any talents? Photography! And I love to nurture things. Sometimes that means cooking for loved ones, or growing a jungle of plants in my living room, or organizing gatherings for an extended circle of friends and chosen family

Talent you wish you had? Drawing

What are your hobbies? Right now, the only honest answer is Good Omens 😅

Do you have any pets? Yes! I've shared my life with a whole zoo full of cats, dogs, fish, and reptiles, including an adventure cat, a part-bear part-muppet therapy dog, and a tegu lizard that I trained to walk on a leash and harness.

Super power you wish you had? Reading minds

Dream job? I don't know! I've had so many, and they've all been valuable stepping stones on the path of my life. The jobs where I get to teach and help people - especially kids - are my favorites.

Dream vacation? Seeing the northern lights in person is high on my list. Also, a wildlife photo safari in Africa.

How would you change the world if you could? (Or, what are you passionate about?) I would teach everyone the skills of DBT (helpful for absolutely everyone who has ever had a strong feeling or a connection to another person) and then I would give everyone universal healthcare and a universal basic income with an aim to eliminating poverty, especially among children, plus all the other long term benefits that would stem from that. (Read more from WaPo about UBI here if you're interested.)

Currently working on: Solving the ineffable mystery with the lovely people at the @ineffable-detective-agency, and finishing a new fanfic for the Good Omens Minisode Minibang. Hopefully I'll be ready to post that later this weekend!

No-pressure tags for a few mutuals who might be into tag games, and an open invitation to everyone else!

@gallup24 @averywiseanimatedcat @procrastiel @commonmexicanname @crowleybrekkers @stumblingoverchaos @dunkthebiscuit @red-sky-in-mourning @im-not-a-virgo-im-a-lesbo @tragic-cosmic-magic @crowleybrekkers @lil-king-trash-mouth @celticseawych @phoen1xr0se @lemonic-whimssyy @ineffably-poetic @red-sky-in-mourning @weasleywrinkles