#i know that my thoughts make no sense | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

butchfalin · 1 year ago

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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antivancathedral · 1 month ago

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(continues to be insane) I can’t get over the fact that Spite asks for help.

Spite is often treated childishly by several characters—Taash, for example, and even Lucanis depending on your dialogue choices—but I actually…don’t think Spite is all that childish. He’s been put into a situation he’s never experienced before, in a place where reality doesn’t work like it should, and been put through torture that he feels doubly through Lucanis on top of it all. Any person would through a “tantrum” under these circumstances. Spite’s behavior is reasonable.

He never tries to hurt Lucanis’s companions, not once. He only ever tries to leave, as Lucanis promised him he would be able to. Even Lucanis, he only hurts once outside of the Ossuary, when he must have felt unbelievably confused. Calivan is dead and Lucanis has gone home, has allies, and yet to Spite, he simply refuses to leave the Ossuary. And still, he asks. He could wrestle control from Lucanis, but instead he asks (or demands) to talk to Rook. And all he wants to say is that he wants to be free.

All and all, Lucanis does not reach out to anyone to ask for help with his depression or PSTD. Spite is his problem, he says, and says often. His burden. He never intended to let anyone in, even though he admits that he doesn’t know how to start healing. He asks for Rook’s help against Zara, against Illario, but no one is privy to his mental and emotional struggles.

Spite, on the other hand, asks immediately. Or he wants to ask. And finally, when Lucanis is in the middle of a spiral, it's Spite that says "Help us." Not demanding, just asking. Pleading. And still only to Rook. While I think at first, Spite wants Rook specifically because he knows Lucanis will listen, I think that has grown into something more by the time Inner Demons comes around.

"Help us," he says. Not just 'make him listen' or 'help Lucanis'. Us.

This is all to say I think that while Spite may not understand or feel romance (yet) he most certainly feels love. He loves Lucanis, whose image he takes ("They wouldn't dare, Lucanis is mine.") and he loves Rook ("Rook is my favorite." "Smells like...Rook." "Help us." The WINGS.) And that's all trust is, isn't it? A kind of love? Showing vulnerability to someone close to you?

When Spite is finally allowed to communicate, he shows plenty of maturity. He gives Lucanis space, he asks Emmrich to teach him fire, he's willing to try new things, and he loves.

Determination is a kind of love too, when you think about it.

#god does this make sense #spite dragon age #lucanis dellamorte #dragon age veilguard #dragon age rook #veilguard #veilguard spoilers #rookanis #datv #i don't know how to get all my spite thoughts out of my head without sounding like a crazy person #sorry for the rambling i promise i have a point #cathedralposting

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ruporas · 7 months ago

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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #blood tw #ruporas art #love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands #being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity #i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli #and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected #someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life #ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash #for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it #my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma #for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they #both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much

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turtleblogatlast · 7 months ago

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Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rise leo #trans leonardo #trans leo #rottmnt headcanons #turtle art tag #rise draxum #happy pride everyone~#if you’re wondering why there’s no backgrounds that’s because my files got messed up so just blankness in the bg sorry #but yeah!#this is forever and always my fav headcanon for Leo it makes too much sense to me #I wanted to make sure I got it done in time for pride haha #I don’t know if it’s obvious by the end but Draxum ran off because he was for once doing something nice for Leo #that being leading him somewhere else not in front of everyone so Leo can process the fact that he was born female in peace haha #(but he also just - wanted to avoid the ensuing awkward Talk as long as he could lol)#“how would Leo NOT know’’ he had an inkling but never thought much of it because he’s a teenage turtle mutant with no access to healthcare #also yeah that’s splinter’s hand at the end there I just KNOW he’d want those pics #also also - Leo here can technically be trans or even intersex in some way too #both is good #making this made me remember why I never do color #at least for comics #it just takes sooo long #but it was fun and worth it for my fave hc #this is like the first time I’ve drawn Draxum and man he’s kinda hard to draw #also their sizes are just 1 2 and 3 because Draxum had a simple system in place for sizing his subjects #(aka I was too lazy to think of anything else to put there)#also dunno if anyone noticed but look at Raph’s paper and look at his baby’s self’s photo

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satanicchristiancult · 1 year ago

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Every single one of my posts on Tumblr is a cry for help. No one has picked up on it.

-Mori

#im getting desperate #just take me to a mental hospital already #therapy is too expensive and too useless in my case #as they say #im too self aware #i know that my thoughts make no sense #i can’t stop them #i just want someone to know #i want to understand #mori writes #mori vents #actually relevant life updates

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verflares · 8 months ago

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(draconifies your zelink) oh whoops lol

+ an extra pic of em hanging out together :]

btw, you can find these guys on inprnt! both as a pair, or apart :] You Choose.

#(the weakest pitiful coughs youve ever heard) yay #modelled off those ancient scythian deer tattoos..... i like how theyre posed and thought itd be fun. also feat slight ld redesign #makes em look like how they'd might appear on a mural together. ish. LOL i get too impatient to try stylising that much #light dragon #loz #totk #dragon link #totk spoilers #link #zelda #princess zelda #totk au #loz au #tloz #artists on tumblr #sighs. is this enough tags. i hope so #this is very much for Me though bcus i have too many thoughts abt botw/totk dragons. its silly #i was glad to draw my boy again though. i have more ideas for him that ill get around to in like. uhhh. Who Knows.#my art #zelink #you know what. ill add it here too in like the loosest most tragic sense possible #what if we were trapped in mindless eternity forever....... together <3 #dragon link au

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mochasucculent · 28 days ago

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Was looking at refs and since Viktor has two different leg braces I was wondering, do we think he wears them simultaneously?? The refs don't perfectly line up perspective-wise so it's hard to tell but parts of the one he wears during the Hexcore scenes look like they could maybe line up with the brace that he wears over his clothes, but also some parts really don't and look like they'd be super uncomfy. Also HOW does he take these on and off. Experts weigh in

#viktor #arcane #ig my assumption would be that he wears both simultaneously cause in the scene where he injects the shimmer #it seems implied that he just threw off his clothes and kept experimenting #so one might assume he was already wearing the smaller one underneath #tho it is a funny image to think of him just being like 'one sec i gotta go all the way home and grab my other brace to do this'#he can take off the back brace too cause hes not wearing it in the scene where he's in the hospital bed and you can see his shoulder #where the strap would be #but that one seems to make even less sense functionality wise #everything looks like its screwed together #or screwed INTO him #but only the top bolts on his spine are i think #in the close ups of his back brace model it looks like theres cushioning underneath the parts of it that cover the rest of his spine #so he can take it off. but HOW #what parts of it unscrew/detatch to pull open and off #does it not do that at all and he just has to shimmy it off his shoulder and all the way down his legs to get it off like a romper #the shape language of the designs are cool but like. tell me how it wooorrkkksss #forgive me if im just dumb and dont know at all how braces work and theres a very simple practical explanation for all this #any king who wants to infodump about mobility aids at me....the floor is yours #something to be said i suppose about the fact that zaunites have crazy prosthetics with wild augmentations that work flawlessly #and piltover's like. idk heres some fucking uncomfortable ass metal. salo gets wheelchair in non ada compliant place #they havent ever needed to adapt to accommodate disabilities etc etc #or maybe artists were just like 'heres a design' and everybody clapped and didnt give it a second thought #and then they just turned off the visibility on the mesh when they didnt need it knowing thered not be a scene where its taken off #dont even wanna THINK about what that rig would look like #like 40 different controllers #soft body and rigid hard surfaces needing to move together....#a cold chill just shot up my spine #<- guy who is only an animator and doesnt know how to rig #forgive the magic wand tool with zero cleanup. i am lazy

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somnimagus · 1 year ago

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My page for @sheikahzine; about Impaz's duty to her village, empty of people and full of memories.

[id in alt text]

#legend of zelda #loz #twilight princess #loz tp #i'm still reeling that someone sent me an ask about this one.. that they took the time to find my tumblr and tell me they liked it #it really meant a lot; thank you to anyone that stops to leave comments like that. they make me happy #but yeah! here's the usual symbolism ramble:#i thought it'd be cool to have the 'spirits' flowing one way and the cats walking through them the other way #to kinda show the difference in life inhabiting the village in the past and present #link's face is covered because impaz was just waiting for 'the hero' so his clothes are what matters; not his face #and it (hopefully) gives a surreal and intangible sense to 'the hero' she could only hope would actually show up #you can feel free to interpret the glowy blue sheikah as ghosts or just as memories of the past! i couldn't decide either way #the one on the bottom left is oot impa since she's implied to be the village founder. so i guess she would be a ghost actually?#fan art #my art #project stuff #and ahhh the book-- everyone's stuff is so beautiful!!#especially the writing. some of the fics made me really tear up and some were so fun and clever. i really love them #a lot of them captured the sheer burden of the role of the sheikah; all of the time and grief and doubt #i know i always say this stuff about every project but. the people i get to work with in these are truly so skilled every time

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 7 months ago

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I always have a soft spot for characters who have a protective streak for another out of gratitude for their kindness towards them, but Charles’ protectiveness towards Edwin really hits a particular way because it’s so so apparent that it’s specifically about wanting Edwin to feel as safe and as comfortable around him as Edwin made Charles feel in his dying moments. I’m going to shatter like glass.

#and this is exactly why I think the cat king thing bothered Charles so much #‘why isn’t he talking to me? doesn’t he know ive got his back? what could be so bad that he wouldn’t tell me?’#and the devlin house completely uproots his sense of ‘goodness’ and makes it all compound into #‘maybe I’m not a good person and maybe that’s why I can’t help my friends properly’#:(#no further proof is needed that Edwin feels safest with Charles over anyone else #when his first reaction after finally figuring out his feelings for Charles is to immediately want to confess to him #even though he’s scared. he trusts Charles that much that he has to try and tell him right away.#gah. they’re so sweet.#dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #storyrambles #dbda spoilers #random thoughts

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lackpenny · 25 days ago

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