#i know im a hypocrite lmao
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even-disco-baby · 2 years ago
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SOLA — Her Innocence, Sola— the anti-innocence— turns to face you. In the distance, you hear the tattoo of propellers, turning, sucking all the air. A strong wind whips her long, dark hair around her face. Her simple black gown billows behind her. The same gown she wore the day she resigned.
She has your eyes.
“Hi, Kim,” she says simply. “You don’t look well.”
PAIN THRESHOLD — Her voice is so familiar, and yet the moment she stops speaking, you cannot recall its sound, no matter how hard you try. And you have tried. Innumerable times.
AUTHORITY — What makes her think she would even *know* the difference between you looking well or unwell? She’s being presumptuous. She doesn’t even know you.
INLAND EMPIRE — She never will.
“I’m doing great, actually. Never been better.”
“Hey, I’m trying my best.”
“I’m *not* well. I’m so fucking unwell. I can’t take it anymore. Please, help me…”
“I’ll live.”
SOLA — “Hm…” She smiles apologetically. “Well, that’s all we can really ask for anymore, isn’t it?”
EMPATHY — She wishes more than anything that this was not the case. That you could ask for the world and have it.
RHETORIC — She tried to give it to you, and this is how you repay her? You’re gonna be in *deep* shit trying to explain that insignia you stitched onto her jacket.
“Um, about the jacket. It’s not what it… well, no, it *is* what it looks like. But I don’t— it’s— there’s nuance.”
“Is that really all you have to say to me?”
“I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Where are you going?”
SOLA — Her Innocence looks away from you, toward the wind. “Away,” she says, her voice distant and strange. “Yes… I’m stepping down, you see. The world doesn’t need me. It never needed me, really. It’s best for humanity to think for itself. No… it already *does* think for itself.”
She turns back to you with a small smile. The thought brings her peace.
PAIN THRESHOLD — But what does it bring *you?* She’s leaving you forever. Abandoning you for lofty ideals.
AUTHORITY — Let her go. Let her see how little you care. Don’t give her any satisfaction.
HALF LIGHT — Stop her. You won’t be able to live without her.
VOLITION — You have already lived almost all your life without her. You don’t need her. You have *never* needed her.
“What if the world *does* need you? Who are you to make that decision for the entire world?”
“Fine. Go. It’s none of my business.”
“So you’re just going to leave me behind again.”
“Please, don’t go. *I* need you.”
SOLA — “What else is an Innocence appointed to do?” Her smile turns wry. “You see? This is why I’m stepping down.”
Distant propellers turn and turn in endless circles. She glances toward them.
YOU — “Fine. Go. It’s none of my business.”
SOLA — “I suppose not.” Her voice and her face betray nothing. No sign of remorse.
YOU — “So you’re just going to leave me behind again.”
SOLA — “That was never my intention,” she says softly. “Surely you know that.”
INLAND EMPIRE — You will never truly know. No one will.
SOLA — She stares out at the horizon through the tendrils of hair that almost seem to threaten to swallow her. Her expression is strange and ambiguous, shifting every time you try and look directly at it.
YOU — “Please, don’t go. *I* need you.”
SOLA — She looks at you, and her eyes are full of what might be genuine sadness. But they could also be full of anything else.
“Oh, Kim… You must make do with what you have. I don’t know what else you want me to say…”
RHETORIC — What?! There are a million other things she could say! Forty-one years worth of possibilities! She could say *anything!* Anything at all… Even if she’d only left you a single word, it would be better than this…
VOLITION — It’s pointless to wish. Please, no more of this. It’s too sad.
“You could say that you’re sorry.”
“Say that I turned out all right.”
“Say that you’re proud of me. That you love me.”
SOLA — “Then I’m sorry.” She closes her eyes. “It was terrible of us to leave you alone.”
Her voice is utterly calm and emotionless.
PAIN THRESHOLD — No… Wrong, all wrong…
YOU — “Say that I turned out all right.”
SOLA — “You’re a good man despite it all. That is all I ever hoped for you.”
Again, there is no warmth to her words. No conviction.
VOLITION — Lieutenant… Please, don’t do this to yourself.
YOU — “Say that you’re proud of me. That you love me.”
SOLA — “I’m so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. You wear that jacket well.”
Her eyes have nothing behind them. A pair of two millimeter holes in the world.
“I love you.”
PAIN THRESHOLD — Your lungs seem to constrict at her words. Your chest hurts more than it’s ever hurt. This wind is hard to breathe in.
YOU — “No! Don’t you fucking get it?! You don’t love me!”
SOLA — “Then I don’t love you.”
YOU — “You should be *ashamed* of me!”
SOLA — “Then I am ashamed.”
YOU — “I betrayed you! I betrayed everything you stood for! I’m a fucking cop!”
SOLA — “Then I am betrayed.”
She proclaims it as dispassionately as she proclaimed her love.
YOU — “For god’s sake, *say something real!*”
SOLA — She just looks at you. The propellers keep on turning.
DRAMA — She can’t speak for herself, sire…
LOGIC — Of course she can’t. Of course…
PAIN THRESHOLD — Your lungs feel like they could collapse. Empty, crumpled, dark. Hot tears prick your eyes for the first time in what feels like a long time.
SOLA — “Do you understand now?” she asks gently.
LOGIC — She cannot speak for herself because you do not know what she would say.
There are many memories that you have been slowly recovering, little by little. Your mother will never be one of them. Her, the revolution, the aerostatic brigade— they all died before you could even comprehend loss.
AUTHORITY — You did not become a detective so that you could find your lost mother. You became a police officer because you did not want to end up like her.
VOLITION — She can neither forgive you, nor condemn you. She is dead, Lieutenant. She can only be what you make her.
RHETORIC — You’re asking your own echo for answers…
SOLA — “Humanity must think for itself,” she says again, turning again toward the wind. “What point is there in asking me where to go from here? I’m a failure. We all failed…”
RHETORIC — The revolutionaries failed their children, and the children are failing their parents, and all of them are dying, dying, dead… What’s the point in any of this anymore? I cannot argue in favor of any of it.
VOLITION — There is a point. There is a way forward. But you won’t find it here, Lieutenant.
“I hate you. You made me everything I am and then you just *left.*”
“I miss you… How is it even possible to miss someone you never met? It’s like someone ripped a part of me out and all I can do is bleed.”
“I don’t know what I am. I need you to tell me what I am.”
SOLA — One last time, she turns back to you. She slowly bridges the gap between you and reaches out a hand to cup your cheek. Her fingers feel like your own.
“You are whatever kind of animal you choose to be,” she says, so quietly that you don’t know how you can hear it over the distant roar of engines. “I cannot make that choice for you.”
EMPATHY — She died hoping that you would grow up with the freedom to choose to be whatever you wanted. Instead, the world that raised you hardly let you dare to want anything.
VOLITION — But you can still make a choice. Humanity can still think for itself.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#swap au#should i tag sola? i kinda doubt i’ll ever need to use that tag again LMAO#anyway um. yeah.#tbh as fun as the swap au stuff is i wasn’t all that interested in it until my brain was like. SWAP DREAM SEQUENCE#and now suddenly i have like. lore for swap kim.#his breakdown isn’t bc of a breakup it’s over a crisis of identity#at first when he wakes up and starts inspecting stuff like his jacket and his notes#he starts finding out things abt his mother (a revolutionary aerostatic pilot who died and passed down the jacket to him)#and at first he’s like ohh i see im investigating her disappearance!#but he’s not. she’s dead. she died when the moralintern crushed the commune#kim grew up resenting both his parents for dying in a failed revolution#leaving him to grow up alone as a gay disabled seolite orphan#he became a cop and drank the moralist koolaid bc he didn’t want to be like his parents#and also bc he wanted to not be so powerless (and to be able to take shit out on other ppl just like canon kim)#but also just like in canon his experience in the rcm was just more of the same shit#he felt constantly humiliated and like a hypocrite and just compartmentalized hardcore#then he came to martinaise and saw the scars of the failed revolution and finally just snapped and broke down#he doesn’t even know what kind of animal he is other than he doesn’t want to be it anymore#so he pulls harry’s epic mind wipe binge and etc etc#anyway. coughs
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kaiserkisser · 3 months ago
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
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hinakyuu · 6 months ago
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warning: gonna be an asshole real quick. (also my opinion is my own, i don’t speak for anyone else, etc. )
ok but we have so many dynamics here within our own team. real, strong bonds. plus uhh proximity? idk why there are ppl with a foot in both sides solely due to fictional ships. like i’ll make it easy for u. if u don’t know who to root for and are “conflicted” then just go ahead and root for the other team. after the behavior they displayed today if that hasn’t made up ur mind then maybe i don’t want even half of ur support for my team
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sydbarrettism · 7 months ago
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🔥 pink floyd fanfiction
i have a lot of thoughts about pf fanfics so uhh sorry if this gets long and rant-y im just very opinionated #peaceandlove
idk if it's unpopular but a good chunk of the ones in ao3 are umm... not exactly the level of writing im used to compared to some my other fandoms. to put it nicely. (mainly talking about the slash fics) there are okay ones, but the best fic i read in ao3 was essentially a gen fic.. so... Yeah. anyway i've read a lot of good ones in livejournal but trying to navigate that site was like using a metal detector to find treasure and it's either i get a gold coin or some random piece of metal
also in the ao3 sphere i think that we need more fics about the guys being in messy unlabeled situationships rather than anything about them being loving boyfriends to each other (exceptions may apply in moderation). i don't think these guys have the emotional intelligence to say "i love you" to each other in a way that feels like they're in a normal romantic relationship do you get what i'm saying?
anyway that's all what i've thought of for now thank u for sending me this ask 🫶
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hauntingblue · 8 months ago
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I THINK!! usopp and nami (and maybe others too) need to learn haki. They said you can't be in the new world without it because everyone is just so incredibly strong and here we are. They are getting headbutted to death and can't do anything about it (their abilities are being nerfed for the plot I know) but they could be SO GOOD if they could do something more idk.... we saw how strong nami was with zeus.... but she has fought with her bostaff before and that just disappeared... nami haki bostaff you will live in my dreams I guess
#jesus christ the blood#OH MY GOD!! KIKU!!!!!#WHY HER????????#episode 1005#WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO SUFFER!!! TAKE ALL HER PAOM AND MAKE SANJI HAVE IT#SHINOBU!!!!!! YAMATO!!! DESTROY THEM!!!!!#rovin and chipper with a plank akdhass#hamlet and fourtricks lmaooo#now back to BEAUTIFUL WOMEN SUFFERING!!!! SHE IS NOT DEAD DONT MAKE THAT FACE!!!! OH SHE IS ALRIGHT#WOUND CAUTERIZING OMG!!!!! kaido just there watching ajdjakdjk AND SHE GETS UP TO FIGHT AGAIN!!! BADDEST BITCH IN WANO!!!!#now she cant do the oden nitoryuu#death makes humans whole..... you could have had your head cut off 10 minutes ago#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1006#im blaming sanji for kikus arm. if he had gotten there earlier he would have gotten the hit and a woman wouldn't have spilled her blood#APOO IS ALIVE AND KICKING AGAIN??? DIEEEEEE#episode 1007#you know its getting slow when the episode tags look like this lmao#zoro complaining how fighting apoo is a waste KILL HIM THEN!!! DECAPITATION!!!!#not only ZORO but DRAKE IS THERE TOO! APOO SHOULD BE QUARTERED ALREADY!!!!#NAMI!!!!!! ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN SUFFERING AND AS ALWAYS SANJI IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN!!! HYPOCRITE!!!!#this is why armor haki needs to be taught on the sunny. wdym nami can just get super hit. like come on. this is just self preservation#omg..... usopp brain fracture.... NAMI AVENGE HIM!!!#OMG NAMI WILLI#G TO DIEEE FOR LUFFYS DREAM!!! AND TAMAAA!!!!!!!! COMES AND SAVES HER!!!!!#usopp wanting her to lie and save herself but no..... damn and he wouldn't do it either#episode 1009#CARROT KICK HIS ASS!!!!! noooooooo :(((( i feel like we don't get enough of someone missing someone dead like this.... it's so good....#WANDA SULONG TOO?? LETS FUCKING GOOOO!!!! PEROSPERO SAY YOUR PRAYERS!!!!
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seagull-scribbles · 2 years ago
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Wakko warner warm-up
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innsjovide · 9 months ago
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huge pet peeve of mine is if you kill off a beloved character in fanworks (or like. actual works if its the canon story) or even suggest it, no matter what narrative significance this might have on the story being told, you'll suddenly be flooded by a billion people being like 'NO U CANT KILL THEM THEYRE IMMORTAL THEYLL LIVE FOREVER THIS IS WRONG'
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xenocorner · 8 months ago
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Do you use nightshade or any sort of protection against AI? Your art gorgeous and I would hate to see it stolen.
Sending a whole lotta love 💛💞
Hi!! :D I really really should, and I really encourage other artists to do it, but I currently don't :'') (I'm dumb)
I just don't have the mental energy/capacity to put my stuff through a program after finishing before posting these days. I know it's fairly simple but my brain is just blegh
Thank you for the concern though, it's very much appreciated and it really does warm my heart to know there's people out there who care about these topics :'''D Sending a ton of love right back at you, dear anon ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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tenshindon · 2 years ago
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I just saw the cell post and like, yeah, makes sense. Evil gay bug man. But then I started thinking "damn wait how many dragonball villians are straight?" And the only ones that came to mind were Mercenary Tao, Red, and Bu
Thoughts?
anon learns that most lgbt characters in media are antagonists, more at 11
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etchedstars · 8 months ago
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sorry idk i just think that if you complain abt your partner being the only person who cares about you but then block out every single one of your friends after you grow tired of them then maybe you have some self growth to do
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monstrsball · 1 year ago
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i am, perhaps unreasonably, bothered by people using given names for certain haikyuu characters. normal girl behavior.
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paarthursass · 2 years ago
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AND ANOTHER THING lucheni has SOOO many smartass remarks to make about every character in that musical except for rudolf.  iirc the ONLY times he talks about rudolf are when he’s a kid, and even then it’s just to talk about how elisabeth has abandoned him.  and then rudolf is the most sympathetically presented character in the musical.
like.  playing favorites much, lucheni
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redandfranticfeelings · 10 months ago
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i find it interesting how many people seem to be primarily mentioning tragedies in palestine and the like exclusively for the purpose of putting down other issues in the world, some genuinely less relevant (a tv show) or some that are like, also genuine issues (domestic terrorism??? i saw someone complain that people are concerned about another january 6 right wing riot when palestine is happening when like.... both things are worth discussing???)
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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okay nishiki fans may infantilize him but at least they’re not like daigo fans…99% of them are DERANGED and i feel at times they care more about the ships than daigo himself…
speaking of ships if i see one more minedai piss fic i might actually mail someone a pipe bomb. i’m joking, of course. i would never do that nor would i ever send death threats on the internet haha..
i cant even knock you for the idea of people overlooking daigo as an individual and instead sees him as a piece to pair off with
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jvzebel-x · 2 years ago
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🦋
#i keep thinking about that post about insulin on&off and i think its bc it makes me feel hypocritical to be so affronted by it#seeing as homegrown medicine is like. my whole Thing&the reason why im alive lol.#but i think i finally figured out what bothered me so much&i guess i kind of noticed it immediately too bc i kind of mentioned it.#i had to learn medicine to survive which means all my experimentation was done entirely on myself.#&it was traditional medicine that was being made w/o western tools or help for literally centuries.#&i did it to keep me alive long enough to get LIFE SAVING medicine. the kind of medicine insulin is.#&i have never been anything other than openly disgusted w the fact that i had to do all that to survive.#i do practice on ppl now when i can but these ppl ALSO have no other options&im not prescribing life saving meds.#&most importantly like i said in the tags on that post it feels v condescending to use insulin as a point#when you yourself do not use homegrown insulin-- or insulin in general.#i obviously know anarchistic medicine is necessary&lifesaving. but i also think that the medical advances weve made thus far#as a species should be readily available to the ppl who need it w/o having to risk dangerous methods to potentially get it.#it does not take a huge margin of error to kill someone w bad insulin. not by any stretch of the imagination.#downplaying it to 'but its so easy to make' feels incredibly inappropriate from ppl who DO NOT need it to survive.#idk maybe im just looking for reasons to justify myself so i dont feel like a flatout hypocrite lmao.#but in my head somewhere this makes sense lmao.
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parktheghost · 1 year ago
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insane to me that a known transphobe can shove me onto the ground and call me subhuman in front of all of our friends and they just continue being friends with him like it never happened
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