#some people got trauma and as long as they dont take it out on other people.......who care

[spitblaze]

So the thing is that it actually doesn't matter how much you hate men. You can personally despise men with every single fiber of your being and never want to be within a hundred feet of one and as long as you don't let it give you gender essentialist brainworms it's fine.

Are you lashing out at others for not having the same fear and hatred and aversion of men that you do? Are you going out and telling people that dating men diminishes their worth as a person or a romantic/sexual partner? Are you telling people that it's 'their own fault' for dating a man when their boyfriend or husband or partner hurts them? Are you publicly going out of your way to shame and bully and show your disgust for gay and bi men for having the audacity to be men who love other men? Are you telling men who belong to gender/sexual/racial minorities that their status as men nullifies any other oppression they face? Are you telling trans women that their having a penis (or having had a penis at some point) makes them dangerous or telling trans men they're 'traitors' to womanhood or confused girls about to ruin their lives? No?? Then who give a shit.

[burning-omen]

Kinktober day 3: Public play + Spencer Reid

Spencer Reid x male!reader

Kinktober 2034 list | Day 1 | Day 4 | Ao3

A/n: ITS STILL OCTOBER 3RD I DONT CARE HOW LATE IT IS

Summary: you and Spencer fuck in the back alley of a bar

Warning: public sex, “good boy”, not beta read, short fic, formatting error that will be fixed late but it's 11:58 and I refuse to miss a day!

Word count: 967

The team always went to bars after a mission, well not always, but frequently enough for it to be normal. Today was just like another day, with the team spread out around the bar, JJ and Garcia were at a table chatting together, Hotch was at the bar, a very intense look on his face but you could tell he was having fun, apparently him and the bartender knew each other. Morgan had settled at a table, shirt long gone after about an hour of dancing. Prentiss sat across from him, sipping her drink and laughing at Morgan’s sweaty misfortune. Rossi, old, stayed home after the mission.

Spencer was…somewhere else. He'd watched you slip out the back door of the club before excusing himself and following after you.

With one of your hands over his mouth, concealing his high moans from any who may pass by the alley, his pants pooling around his ankles, and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He had to keep quiet, and the both of you had to be quick. Spencer had asked for this, you don't know where he got the idea, but on the flight back, just as you were falling asleep, you felt him lean in close and detail every little thing he wanted you to do to him in this alley, right next to the bar you and the rest of the team were so familiar with. You neatly fell out of your seat then, wondering when and where he'd gotten his sense of adventure from. And then he was just so…normal for the rest of the flight, the nerve of that man.

Well, that nerve lead to him getting fucked in the alley, just like he'd asked. Only a few words were exchanged, considering that the moment he walked through the back door you were ready to rip his clothes off and take him where he stood. But you didn't, you were civil, you made sure he was okay with this, to which you received beyond enthusiastic consent, with the green light to go ahead, you came at him at full force.

Now here he was, eyes rolling into the back of his head, clawing at the brick wall to try and find some kind of purchase against it. He didn't, his hands only becoming more and more dirty with every attempt. His face was flushed red and you could hear his pretty little moans even with your hand covering his mouth.

You heard him whine and hiss as your cock stretched his barely prepped hole. Considering this was a fairly spare of the moment event, you didn't really have the time to.

But that was fine, Spencer liked pain. He'd given you a full psychological breakdown as to why he did, from trauma to just being born that way. It made things more exciting

You pressed your full body against him, crowding him against the wall, your body pressed against his back, as a car with particularly bright lights drove past. The two of you panted together, still as can be, as you waited for it to leave. When it did you breathed a sigh of relief, then kept thrusting into Spencer like nothing had happened, he was very greatful for that.

The risk only amplified everything for Spencer, he'd stopped being the perfect boy genius in people's eyes a while ago, but now, if someone saw him like this, he wouldn't even be worthy of their respect.

And that turned him on more than anything.

He pushed his hips back against you, meeting you halfway with every thrust.

“Thars it,” you said in his ear, just loud enough for him to hear, “Good boy, keep going.”

And he did, practically riding you. He'd do anything for you, he realized, anything for your respect and approval. He needed it more than anything. His mouth fell open with a beautiful moan, his head resting back against your shoulders, his body enveloped with sweat. Your cock pressed against his walls in a way that made his knees weak, you were practically supporting his whole body in your arms.

“L/n-” he gasped, his voice muffled.

You moved your hand, letting him talk, but the only thing that came out was erotic, wet moans. You considered, for a moment, covering his mouth again, but you didn't. Letting his wild moans be heard by whoever was near.

“You’re so pretty, Reid, so fucking pretty like this.”

Your words only fueled him further. Rocking his hips back, wanting every inch of you in him constantly.

“Y/n!” he cried, “motherfu- ah- ah— good, so good, “

His moans got louder and loud, more desperate, frantic, and praising as he got closer and closer to cumming. The tip of his cock just inches from the brick wall in front of him, leaking gallons of pre-cum onto the floor.

He didn't want you to know when he finished, if the massive stain of white cum on a dark red wall wasn't obvious enough, the way his shoulder slumped and his entire body seemed to release any attention it was holding would have done it.

You didn't stop, this was a part of his fantasy after all. You using him for your own personal pleasure. And you did. Fucking him faster, harder, with only yourself in mind. You pulled out seconds before you came, watching it splatter across his and shoot up his back.

You don't know what he enjoyed more, getting fucked, or walking back into the bar after like nothing had happened. His shirt sticking to his back, his hole sensitive and stretched, and his brain an absolute mess.

You didn't stick around long after, maybe another 30 minutes before you dragged Spencer back home to do it all again.

[halitis]

I… need to know if you have more HalbarryOllie thoughts? Please and thank you!

HI OP. tysm for asking because i am actually Always filled with thoughts. they rotate in my mind like a microwave 24/7 :3

this is a mix of headcannons and observations, so i hope that's what you were looking for! sorry it's a billion long i got Invested...

hal and barry for some reason, love to carry each other. they will pick each other up just whenever, barry usually carrying hal in a bridal grasp or hal carrying barry either like a potato sack or creating s construct to carry him. ollie judges them heavily, what freaks. (the first and last time barry tries to carry ollie when it's not necessary, it ends with him taking a solid hit to the crotch. hal will not stop laughing.)

ollie and hal both have leftover habits and trauma from poverty. when one of them sees the other with negative food behaviour, or accidental hoarding they don't say anything because they know they behave the exact same way. another holdover they have, is the stubborn pride that you HAVE to do it yourself. a pipe bursts or something: cue hal and ollie covered in water, apartment flooded, water damage everywhere but Fuck if they aren't going to figure out how to do this! they are outraged when they realised barry called a plumber.

i don't think they will ever get married in anyway, gonna be honest. hal and his commitment issues go brrr and ollie i think just Doesn't like marriage (roy had to get this opinion from somewhere, see below). the only way i ever see them getting married, is because barry wants to (fucking midwesterner), but even then i don't think he actually would want it that badly. i think that paired with the fact that not all of 3 of them can be married, that they just dont bother. paper is not needed to make your love anymore real.

[continued beneath the read more]

ollie and barry at first, just get along for hal. like he is a child of divorce. i think they would start getting really close after a long mission. you know when you are just so bone tired you lose the will to fight? they are just lazing about, and someone says something that usually would start an argument and instead the other just laughs and it's history from there on. they still bicker and argue sure, but they both know it's playful.

another reason they might have to start getting along, is their kids! wally and roy are good friends and at the beginning, some of the only sidekicks. i think their initial dislike manifests in passive-agressive one upping each other. ollie buys the boys a full spread for dinner, barry takes them to europe to try authentic food. barry takes them out to a water park, ollie rents out a themepark for them. the boys probably encourage it, especially wally.

im not gonna start spewing roywally propaganda in this post, but just know that the parallels between them and ollie x barry have me in a deathgrip.

ollie is the Only cis person in this relationship. i hc barry as transmasc, and hal as either gnc or genderfluid. ollie's the diversity hire guys <3 (if you include dinah in this, she is also trans! its cannon dont @ me)

the first time there is ever a Proper Fight in the polycule, it's between hal and ollie. ollie's habit of calling people nazis and facists usually don't bother hal (he was in the army, he had to get over letting dumb insults bother him). but just at some point, he's having a Bad Day and he just loses it at ollie. logically he knows it's not targeted but calling the jewish guy a nazi just set him off. they are both too stubborn to break the silence after the fight, it takes barry dragging ollie like a misbehaving cat to hal's to apologise before they get over it. ollie is now very careful to censor himself like that around hal.

honestly if anyone wants me to expand on my thoughts on jewish hal, or transgender halbarryollie PLEASE ask. im a hairtrigger away at any given moment.

ollie and hal both LOVE boxing, they love going to matches and watching. at some point, they start trying to include barry and take him along to the fights. barry for the life of him Cannot enjoy this shit. somehow, at some point, they end up at a wwe match and they all become avid fans. date nights now include lazing on the couch with takeout and watching playbacks on tv.

barry runs so fucking hot, and ollie runs cold. leaving hal to fucking Despise sharing a bed with them. genuinely his worst nightmare. even the army was better than this. it is not uncommon to find hal on the floor asleep.

after hal's death, ollie doesn't cope with it very well. killing his bf fucks him up so greatly, he ends up really clinging to barry. barry also isn't handling well but he can't let himself fall apart, he needs to be there for ollie. they start living together basically full time, until one day barry's grief just builds up too much and he ends up saying something he regrets in the heat of an argument (probably something along the lines of blaming ollie for hal's death or he's only staying with ollie because of hal). ollie storms off and barry is just... Gutted. before they have time to reconcile, ollie dies. (if im getting my timelines wrong don't look at me, i will sob)

not a single one of these men have fashion taste. they all dress like the loser middle aged men they are. fucking fashion crimes against humanity! hal steals their clothes quite frequently, which is controversial considering he is the largest person out of the three of them and their shirts and stuff are definitely Too tight. (ollie and barry aren't complaining though, except for when they get their clothes back and they are so fucking stretched)

i love picturing them as cheerleaders. not like, in the actual getup, but just as them being the PROUDEST boyfriends. hal and barry bragging about how ollie is the best shot in the world (hes not but its fine :3), green arrow and lantern standing to the side on a mission and just watching flash adoringly because they know he doesn't need their help, ollie and barry smugly parading around hal like "yeah. this is my bf. hes so hot i know. he's so smart as well." none of them have any idea they are doing it though. they are gag worthy.

ollie's love language is gifts but not always monetary. more like making them food, taking them out places and stuff like that. its the thought and effort that goes into it, that's why does it. barry's is touch, this man LOVES hugs and draping himself over his bfs. hals is acts of service! he wants to help and just do whatever he can for them whenever possible. you could see that hal bases his selfworth off of how much he can do for others, which is so horrible and sad. so yknow. brainworms.

ollie's house accidentally becomes their usual meeting place, but only because he fucking HATES the zeta tubes. whenever he meets them anywhere, he will always whine about how they make him sick. barry does offer to pick him up, but it's a point of pride to him at this point, he can't just admit defeat to the zeta. barry and hal make a silent agreement to just meet him instead. (this was based off an actual comic panel, but i cannot for the Life of me remember which one).

none of them show up on time to dates. it actually becomes so incredibly common that when they miss them, no one takes offence anymore. cue one time where they all missed a date, and are sheepish around the others and keep trying to make it up to them. it takes 3 days before they realise that none of them were there.

and that's it for now! thanks for reading mwah maah

[squiddy-god]

Lmao last time I asked for Avenpaz but this is x reader so what about Aventurine x reader? Hehe thank you :3 (Desperate for some Aventurine stuff 🥰)

Yes you may, i'm going to do general hcs for this because thats what im feeling right now teehee- on a side note, aventurine but its the scene with hua cheng and xie lian with the dice rolling- there was just,,,so much tension in that scene please  

♡requests open♡

Cw : gn!reader, mentions of trauma and spoilers for his story and a bit of penacony, fluff. Both established and un established relationship hcs, a little bit of angst 

Ok so pre relationship i think that aventurine is actually quick to catch feelings but slow to realize them

Like off the bat he can tell how he feels in about someone, like or dislike, trust or not trust 

What is slow to build is how deep that runs, both his romantic feelings and his trust are gained slowly but eventually snowball and that is when he finally either realizes or admits it.

Something i never got in general is when people talk about like how {character} wouldn't trust you until xxx into relationship etc

But the thing is like, are y'all dating people you dont trust? Because especially as someone who is depressed/traumatized, I fully would have to trust someone to get into a relationship, and that trust does not reset to 0 because we got together like??- i promise i will tie this in trust me 

The other slight problem with aventurine pre relationship is that after he realizes/admits his feelings to himself he is taking that to his grave. He will casually flirt or maybe drop little hints, but he is content to never speak these feelings out loud to you, 

Half of this is a fear of forming intimate connections that he knows he's ultimately powerless to protect, he fears rejection and loss when it truly matters and this prevents him from ever really bringing himself to pursue you. The other half is a subconscious self sabotaging hatred. Despite his fronting he is an insecure and traumatized man who's become jaded by the cosmos. While he at this point would trust you implicitly he cant help the feeling that you won't, dont, and couldn't possibly like him and return his feelings. 

Reasonably he knows that he is an attractive man, a man with both wealth,power, and status, and yet he feels that you won't possibly want him. His self loathing even in his subconscious holds him back, giving a false sense of apathy towards your relationship status that outweighs the jealousy he feels. In truth the jealousy only serves to prove his point on how you don't return his feelings

There are scenarios that I think he would confess first if you don't beat him to the punch. 

The first is said jokingly, and yet there is not that sharp witted teasing edge or bite to his words, unexpectedly raw and genuine when he poses a simple “what if” question 

The second involves many different factors, maybe you catch him on a good day, maybe he sees the way you seem to look at him and in your eyes is the reflection of his own affections. Maybe you catch him on a bad day, and in his pit of despair he decides that it is at least worth the risk to gamble.

These are the moments he confesses to you, bated breath waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to lash out with laughter or anger but he is delighted when you return his feelings

Ok ok enough angst-

This man is a shameless flirt, he is romantic long before you every begin a relationship- you just take it as a joke, a bit that's silly between close friends 

After you manage to pry that confession out of him or you make the first move, he is shockingly quick to put a label on it, you are his romantic partner! His love, hes your lucky charm

Ok ok like i said before i really don't thing that aventurine is the type to be in an actual relationship with someone he A)doesn’t trust, or B) doesn’t love

So by the time you get in a relationship there is already a strong foundation of real trust, but he has already realized he is hopelessly in love. 

I will die on the hill that aventurine is a stage 100 clinger 

This is a clingy man to his core, he is sending you 50 messages a day

Good morning, good night, have you eaten? I love you, miss you, literally anything because he truly dose miss you 

Have you eaten? Yes? Good have a little treat +500 credits 

No? Wait there he's taking you to lunch- or +5000 credits 

I know everyone says it but he really does spoil you. Now the way he sees it genuinely isn't as like a bribe but both something that genuinely makes him happy and also he likes to make your life easier 

Seeing you happy, being able to spoil you with gifts and treats and money brings him genuine joy, and knowing that he is able to provide some relief from the harsh reality of life makes his a very merry man

As I said, clingy- he loves your time, being able to spend time with you and relax in your presence is truly heaven. 

Most of his missions aren't dangerous, just business so he enjoys taking you with him so that he can spend more time with you

He is touch starved for positive physical contact and affection 

Sit in his lap, let him sit in yours- honestly he isn't very picky as long as he gets to touch you 

If you thought his playful bestie flirting was bad you are gonna die, because he gets so much worse, now that he knows exactly what to say so that he can fluster you he grows ever bolder in his pursuit

No matter what he says his actions always follow his words, he shows he loves you with the way he sees you and treats you, in the way he seems to crave you like a thirsty man craves water or how a plant craves the warm sun, to breathe you in like air and love you tenderly 

Even if he is clumsy at love and intimacy he still puts in a profound sense of effort. 

The definition of if he wanted to he would. And he definitely wants to

[l4brvtality]

Hello i was asking if you could do Platonic Judgement day x fem reader?

When reader is a lot younger than the rest of them and they have a family bond like siblings or parental views and she is new talent and with all that comes some fame and when out (wherever you like) Reader gets attention from an old man as she walks to the toilets alone? Its okay if you dont want to xx

Silhouette - Pastel Ghost

parings - Platonic!The Judgment Day x Wrestler! Reader - Kinda Rhea x Reader in a way

Warnings - Angst , implications of Feeling lightheaded , weird old man , R! getting knocked into a wall , reader passes out, thats all tell me if I missed some!!

please do not read this if you have suffered trauma from any of these things!!

Word Count - 0.5k

You and The Judgment Day had grown closer as you began wrestler. Damian and Rhea , training you and teaching you new moves that hadnt yet been introduced to you. And although you were a couple years younger than the youngest member of, which was Dominik, you all had a family/sibling dynamic.

You had started yiur wresting career at the 2019 royal rumble , being competiter #15. Although not many people knew you at the time , your career had grown throughout the years. And with the help of The Judgment Day, a fandom grew lager and larger until eventually you got your title shot. 

It was you versus becky lynch for the smackdown women’s championship. You had fought hard and long to get the title shot as none of the other wrestlers made it easier for you. Becky didnt go easy on you either. But image the suprise when you had pinned her, making you the new smack down women’s champion.

Your rise also grew more in 2023. At first not many paid attention to you as far as visuals and talent. But soon enough people started noticing the talent you had not only for promos , but in the ring. This made you a fan favorite around the world. Soon your merch was selling out. You started meeting many fans around the world as you Traveled, and people started recognizing you more and more as time went on. You felt like you were on top of earth. This was your dream after all.

Right now , you were getting ready to go out to a restaurant with The Judgment Day. After all , they are your best friends. You heard the doorbell ring , as you put on the last piece of jewelry for your outfit. You quickly headed downstairs , grabbing your phone and keys as you unlocked the door, met with Dominik , standing outside the door waiting for you. You quickly gave him a hug as he opened his mouth to speak. 

“Hey , you ready?” He asked

“Yup let’s go,” you replied with a smile.

You opened the door of the truck as you were met with the faces of the 3 wrestlers. 

“Hi guys!” You smiled at them.

They all responded with a “hi” as they all gave you separate hugs. Which was hard due to being in the car , but you made it work. Finn drove as you,  Dominik and Damian , and Rhea played game pigeon together in the group chat.

When you guys arrived at the restaurant, the wait hadn’t been long , as a couple minutes of waiting, a waiter had seat you guys at a booth nearby. As you all sat down , a waited came by , introducing themselves and taking our drink orders. After a couple minutes of waiting , the waited came back  with drinks on a trey. We decided on what to order as the waiter took our order.

After ordering , I decided to go wash my hands in the bathroom. As I walked to the bathroom , you didn’t notice a man following nearby. And when you did you hadn’t thought much about it. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom too , you thought. But your thoughts were rushed away when he had followed you into the girls bathroom. Which didn’t go unnoticed by Rhea , as she sat at a good enough view of the bathroom , that she could see the man getting into the bathroom. 

Before you could turn around to see the man, he spoke first.

“Hey , im a big fan I was wondering if I could have an autograph, or maybe your number,” he spoke

You turned to look at the man and realized he was old. I mean he looked like he was in his 60s at-least.

“I can give you an autograph — but not my num-,” I was cut off when he slammed me into a wall. I felt the pain hit my back as I tried getting up , with no luck. 

“Just give me your number its not that hard,” he yelled at you. You wished this could end , why was he doing this and how were you going to get out of this? You could stand , and he was towering over you.

You heard the mans scream as a loud thump echoed in the bathroom. You looked up , your hair mostly in your face as you saw the silhouette of someone. You moved your hair out of your face as you relished it was Rhea. 

“Honey , are you alright,” She spoke. You could she was panicking just by the sound of her breathing.

“I-I cant get up..” you spoke. Still shocked by the events that had occurred in just an hour of being here. Rheas mind stopped for a moment. She wanted to kill this guy. But she knew you and your safety was more important.

“I want to leave Rhea … p-please,” You said again. You felt the tears pricking your eyes as your breathing got heavier. The atmosphere of the bathroom making you feel scared thinking about what took place.

Rhea car-fully picked you up , bridal style as she led you over to the boys. Once they got a view of you and Rhea, they had felt like it had been a punch to their heart. They stopped their conversation as they went to stand up , getting a better look at you.

“Lass what happened?” Finna spoke. He was getting more worried by the second and to be completely honest, so was the rest of the group.

Tried answering, but nothing could come out your mother but silent sobs. Rhea explained what happened, but about halfway though, you had already passed out in Rheas arms.

[wlwanakin]

I gotta get ur pov on Anakin and Padme after the war(no empire situation) Some ppl seem to think they wouldn’t work out, like divorce, but I don’t agree with that bc Padme didn’t even want to leave him at Mustafar and the only thing that kept her from him was dying and there’s no way Anakin hasnt given her his whole heart to never take back. I think a lot of ppls reasoning is based on wondering how Anakin would handle his mental state(these ppl then ignore Padmes traumas) and how much self sabotage he might do, with a smattering of them never truly getting to be a couple since it had to be so secretive. And then I’ve seen ppl say he wouldn’t be a good dad bc he’s too possessive to a degree of destruction. I dont know tho bc what we got to see was Anakin at his worst and having a mental breakdown. I think abt how he was as a child with his mother and I wonder if he had room to breath and didnt have to lie anymore if he would reconnect to the best of Shmi and what she taught him. Not being groomed by a sith lord anymore would also be a pretty big game changer

this is one of my favorite things to think about!! i don’t think there’s any universe where they aren’t together til the end honestly, though they’ll totally inevitably run into problems because they’d previously spent their marriage not really able to find out how they work as a normal couple. there’s no getting around the fact that they’re both traumatized people who don’t have any experience that lends itself to a non-hierarchical romantic relationship like theirs, especially not under non-strenuous circumstances. but them being able to give each other that escape is what drew them to each other to begin with so it’s a learning curve they’re on together.

anakin specifically is never gonna be 100% mentally healthy because he has led the kind of life that fucks one up forever but plenty of people who are similarly mentally ill are still able to successfully have relationships and be decent/good partners. and the thing about anakin is that he had an unfathomably awful childhood but then when he escaped his old circumstances he never actually stopped being traumatized, but even while getting pretty regularly re-traumatized he was a pretty good husband for the better part of three years. so i don’t see why that would change drastically in a world where that’s not happening and he’s not getting pushed to a breaking point all day every day. he’s constantly stuck in a context that’s enabling pretty much all his worst traits and stunting any healing he could do because you can’t really process childhood trauma while going through even more trauma on the daily that you’re also not processing, so if you took him out of that context he’d pretty automatically be in a better place by nature of no longer having an occupation that traumatizes him faster than he can think about it and requires him to do lots of violence. even if hypothetically he had a full-blown breakdown and self-sabotaged to hell and back in a post-war au, if you remove The War and palpatine from the picture that sabotage is probably going to look a lot less like murdering a bunch of babies and a lot more like regular instability and padmé has proven herself to be so forgiving and understanding of anakin’s issues that she can and will forgive baby murder so long as the motive is sympathetic so why wouldn’t she be understanding about non-mass murder forms of acting out.

i actually think their biggest problem would be that they have pretty polar-opposite relationships with systemic power and hierarchy. they both understand dehumanization and having immense age-inappropriate responsibilities placed upon them, but anakin has spent his entire life in positions of subservience whilst padmé has spent most of hers in positions of power (rather complicated ones where she’s often reduced to a pawn but still). and they’d absolutely clash on those grounds, because they’re stuck in this place of almost understanding each other but not quite and that’s frustrating, and also because they probably have habits related to this that set each other off (i can totally see anakin short-circuiting at padmé slipping into her more authoritative political persona by accident during an argument or something or that turning into an explosive fight). and this is just the kind of thing that would slip out more and more the more time they spend together, but it’s also not relationship-ending.

in general they’d also struggle with working through things because they are both quite stubborn and their previous circumstances forced them into a position of not really being able to linger on any issues or clashes because their time together was so limited and precious, but they love each other so deeply and also just like each other and for two people who want each other in their lives as much as those two do that’s absolutely something they’d learn. it’s really just leaving the honeymoon phase except the honeymoon phase was…war. i really think that especially in a situation where anakin left the order and padmé stepped down as senator they’d have a lot of space to work through it and it’d be more of a matter of learning to be people together after a lifetime of being denied normalcy.

(the question of what kind of parent anakin would be is a more complicated one imo but i do tend to lean towards “decent” because as much as he’s possessive and destructive his ability to be a loving husband and his relative success at training ahsoka tells me he wouldn’t be violently nuclearly bad. you can’t really use darth vader as a basis because his brain looks like swiss cheese at that point and you can’t really call being on the opposite side of a war as your adult son “parenting” even if attempts at creating a familial bond were made. but that’s a whole other convo.)

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

okay i'm asking this because you're the friendliest ever, but I wanted to ask: what do you think the scene was like between Leon and Luis when Leon got off the elevator (after almost collapsing/passing out/whatever the hell was going on with him and Las Plagas) and from the point in which Leon was sitting there at the start of the next chapter squeezing is hand and saying he felt better???? Because it must have been a little while (both because of the seemingly time cut between chapters, but also later when Leon gives Ashley the suppressant and he clearly settles down to wait which implies it took Leon a while to respond and he is anticipating the same thing with Ashley) and surely they talked? Luis I'm-not-that-kind-of-doctor-but-wow-you-look-bad Serra and Leon I'll-rest-when-I'm-dead Kennedy must have talked, right???? I just wanna talk about themmmmmmmmm

Okokok I left this ask unanswered for SO LONG cuz the SECOND I started reading it I just KNEW I was gonna be lead down a rabbit hole that I wanted to do justice because like,,,, what WOULD they have talked about?!?!

Edit: this got a L O T longer than I intended I’m so sorry HDNEHENDJ so everything’s gonna be under the cut!!!! Give me the opportunity and I’ll talk about Luis for hours (also obligatory This Is All My Personal Opinion/Reading You Don’t Have To Agree If You Dont Wanna please don’t kill me HCHDNEDJ)

Like you said there seems to be a fair bit of time inbetween chapter breaks we just don’t see for the sake of pacing that REALLY fascinates me, ESPECIALLY because we’re at a pretty interesting point in Leon (and subsequently the player) and Luis’ relationship. It’s right after Luis has fluked us twice on call, and it’s right before the massive mine section you fight together in- it’s a pretty pivotal point in their relationship where Luis needs to up his game and prove to Leon that he CAN trust him. Yet he’s still gotta maintain some sort of mysterious and/or suave persona that I think throws a lot of people off when talking about how his and Leon’s relationship develop

Now of course this is all just MYYYYYY personal opinion/reading of his character cuz I am very very very invested in it BCNENEJD and you’re free to disagree!!! But I think that scene is a pretty perfect example of just how DESPERATE Luis is for companionship and trust. I think a lot of people are of the assumption that Luis only started ‘changing for the better’ AFTER he met Ashley and Leon- which personally I don’t think is the case!! We meet Luis after he’s clearly hit a moral rock-bottom. He’s been trapped under Los Illuminados’ reign for however long for whatever reason and has been COMPLETELY isolated from any human contact aside from his own coworkers for at the VERY LEAST five years. And in those five years, he’s watched the people who were most likely once individuals he grew up with become infected and loose all sense of humanity. RIGHT AFTER he escaped Umbrella too, most likely cuz he found out that all the hard work he poured into that company was being used for malicious reasons. One horrible thing on top of the other.

His life is a cycle of trying and failing over and over again- he watches his Grandfather pass away from something entirely out of his control as a young boy, and takes that trauma and grief and pours it into his research with Umbrella possibly in the hopes of preventing something like that to ever happen again- only for that to backfire. Whether it’s because he had no idea or because he purposefully let that anger consume him and let apathy fester and grow to the point where he just didn’t care, either way, he’s lost everything he loved once again. And when he returns to the only place he knows he can find solace in companionship, his childhood home, it all comes crumbling down on him too. Every attempt he’s made at righting his last wrongs, proving himself to the people he loves- it fails every single time. Obviously we don’t know WHY exactly Luis joined Los Illuminados, but if you were asking ME PERSONALLY based off of the beginning of Seperate Ways I think he didn’t have a choice but I DIGRESS!!!! Luis is at a point where he’s hit a rock-bottom he’s unsure he can come back from. Every attempt at doing good has been squashed, and no matter how hard he tries, the cycle just keeps on repeating. He’s desperate not just to escape Valdelobos, but to prove to SOMEBODY, ANYBODY, that he CAN do good. That he CAN right his wrongs. And I think the first place we physically SEE that need and desperation is in his relationship with Ada during Seperate Ways

(But I’m gonna save that for another post cuz this one’s already getting too long and rambly BCNEJSNJX but the tl;dr is that Ada and Luis are two sides of the same coin. Ada is in a similar situation as Luis where her hands are tied and she has no other option BUT to do what she’s told, despite not wanting to, and I think Luis can tell that. He trusts her and puts so much faith in her cuz he KNOWS that when the time comes, she’ll do the right thing)

But getting back on track- at the point where we first meet Luis he’s hit a rock-bottom. All attempts to help people, to prove that he can do good things- ie joining Umbrella under the guise of medical research, creating the Plagas removal machine etc- have been squashed. Every. Single. Time. He’s living a cycle of trying to do good, trying to live up to the people he’s lost and is desperate to prove that to ANYONE. The guilt of his actions is consuming and in my humble opinion it’s genuinely so admirable that he STILL KEPT GOING despite it all!!!! but anyways!!!!!!! When Leon and Ashley roll into his life, two people who are completely innocent in everything happening around him, it’s the perfect chance for Luis to genuinely help somebody and prove that he can do good. They don’t know about his past! They don’t know about all the blood on his hands!!! He can FINALLY prove to somebody that he’s a good person!!!! They’re probably some of the first people he’s been able to have a proper conversation with aside from Ada in YEARS- he’s been beaten to the ground so many times that he’s willing to do ANYTHING to gain not just their trust, but their friendship and appreciation too.

I think a pretty subtly overlooked fact about Luis is that deep down, no matter how much bad he does, no matter how much he throws himself into his work, he craves companionship and human company. He keeps the photo of the Umbrella Dream Team and his lighter with him, the first place he runs to when things turn south is his childhood home- no matter how badly he tries to resist it, he craves human contact and a sense of familiarity over anything. He wants friends, people who see him as more than just his mistakes, as more than all the wrong he’s caused- he wants people to see him for who he is in the now, in the moment. Even when he feels as though he doesn’t deserve forgiveness or friendship. And yet Leon and Ashley and Ada give that to him before they even know his full story, before they even know what his motives are and why he cares so much. The last time Ashley met him, she put her faith in his work- the last time Ada saw him before his death, she equally put her faith into his work, too. And he gives that faith back tenfold, which I think is what makes his friendship with them all so compelling among other things.

But then there’s Leon. Leon, who by all means from Luis’ point of view, is the complete opposite of him. No matter how much life throws his way, no matter how much danger he’s in- Leon is seemingly incapable of doing the wrong thing. He’s EFFORTLESSLY a hero, his actions never backfire on him… something Luis craves so, so badly. He’s everything Luis wishes he could be, even when he has to uphold that uncaring suave persona, which going back to the original point of this ask (this got extremely rambly very quickly im so sorry GDNEHENCUDN) I think that cutscene where Luis gives Leon the medicine is where we can see that trust between characters fully cementing. Leon already KNOWS Luis worked with Umbrella, and I think at that point he’s already hazarded a guess at his involvement with Los Illuminados- by all means, he’s got zero reason to trust Luis. Yet he still does. He’s the person Luis has been craving for so long; somebody who can see straight past all his flaws and his past self and see Luis for LUIS (And once again, that blind trust is S O COMPELLING in my humble opinion) But obviously, Luis doesn’t know this at this point. He’s still trying to hesitantly form a friendship with Leon and prove to him that he’s a decent person whose deserving of love, even when he doesn’t feel that way about himself, and I think that’s probably what their conversation inbetween cutscenes would’ve been about.

Like you said, I think Luis probably would’ve been pretty concerned to say the least about the state Leon’s in HXNSHENDI we can see that he prioritises the safety of his friends (ie refusing to leave when Ada was showing symptoms, dropping his persona to comfort Ashley when she started coughing etc etc) so there definitely would’ve been some level of, ‘oh my god you dunce how tf did you get so bad here lemme did you up’, but also,,, I think Luis probably would’ve tried to make conversation with Leon. About literally anything- his love for Don Quixote, what he was getting up to while sexily waiting for Leon to get off the elevator etc etc- anything to strengthen that fragile yet ever growing bond between them. Again, just looking for companionship and somebody to see past the skeletons in his closet. And I’m SURE Leon probably would’ve done the most Leon thing ever and just respond with a bunch of ‘yeah’s or ‘ok’s WHENDHDNJXJX but whatever it was they talked about, if they talked at all, it clearly strengthened their bond. Or at the very least, if they didn’t say anything to each other, the pretty intimate act of administering medicine to another person probably would’ve been enough to more or less solidify Leon’s growing trust. I think also it would’ve given Luis an insight into how Leon works- ESPECIALLY with the way Leon’s insistent on prioritising Ashley immediately after. Then of course right after that cutscene is the first time we see Luis’ love for Don Quixote be said OUT LOUD but again I’ll save that for another post BCNSHENDJXNXN

Again I really really really really hope you don’t mind how LONG this turned out to be!!!!!!! I just LOVE talking about Luis’ character and his effect on the story and motivations etc and I love to ramble BCNEHENDJDJ there’s SO MANY OTHER fade to black cutscenes with Luis I’d love to dig my teeth into (cough cough THE HAND HOLD) so!!!!!!! Maybe someday soon idk!!!!!!!!!

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side B

Propaganda below ⬇️

Matt

Matt's faith in the show is really important and well explored; one of the first scenes of the show is Matt going to confession (or, well, talking to his priest since he's not really confessing at that point). Matt struggles a lot with what he's supposed to do; everyone's telling him to kill the villain and he kinda wants to, but he literally says: "I know my soul is damned if I take his life". He struggles with his faith and goes with his doubts to his priest, and it's beautiful��also when he finally gets a costume for his vigilanteing he chooses to dress as the devil, lol. (His priest tells him that nothing makes people run to Church faster than the feeling of having the devil on their heels.)

a lot of the show is about how he justifies his vigilante actions with his faith, and whether he's doing the right thing in trying to help people or just using it as an outlet for his anger. the literal first scene of the show has him in a confession booth talking to his priest (who is a really interesting character too). this is not the scene I was talking about but it's such an excellent scene with matt talking to his priest: https://youtu.be/XHZ3NbEIDdw

canonically catholic but dresses like a demon to be quirky

honestly i dont wanna type too much but i feel that matt is a great example of someone who battles with his faith because he rarely loses his faith but rather fights with why he was made the way he was and put through what he was. He believes himself to have the devil inside him but believes that God put him there

ok in the comics barring the most current run matt has Mostly been a non-practicing Catholic that very rarely actually does any catholic Activities but ends up falling back into the Mindset and very occasionally dramatically taking confession (ex. in that one issue where he takes confession, basically tells the father that he is uniquely terrible and is thinking about violently murdering someone and when the father says "you can be forgiven" hes like "AUGFH-- NO!!!!!!!!!!" and runs out) when he's gone through some shit. and i love that its so relatable

hello its me cct organizer. i have to come clean, i made this tournament because i need matt to win something. i dont think hell win the sadboy and he lost the ginger tournament and >:( hes my favoritest guy ever. Also @ who said he has religious trauma is wrong and i will fight u about it (nicely) on my main @usaigi

This guy so catholic he spends an ungodly amount of time just chilling in the church. And goes there whenever there is a moral conundrum about killing people being Bad even though it would solve a lot of problems and stop said people from killing other people. This happens every other episode. Matt is the Catholic Guilt Guy. There's actually a lot of catholic stuff in the show as a whole. Just a compilation would be like three whole episodes long.

Hes great hes catholic enough to not outrught murder people but not catholic enough to not fuck before marriage hes a bisexual disaster at all times hes besties with a priest might i add hes great hes my special little guy

his catholicism is a huge piece of his characterisation he was raised by nuns in a catholic orphanage, the first scene we ever see him (as an adult and not a flashback) is him going to confession, he is good friend with his priest and has regular debates with him, etc also in s3 he has a huge crisis of faith after he lost A Lot where he stops believing for a while and it's linked to his identity crisis where he actually wants to kill another person (a hard line he previously chose never to cross) and wants to be only daredevil and not matt murdock, when he is both and needs both to exist also when he was a kid his grandmother used to say "watch out for the murdock boys, they've got the devil in them" and it created a surprising lot of his issues

So he's both catholic in the comics and the show but he's More Catholic in the show. Like, raised in a catholic orphanage by nuns (ONE OF WHICH IS HIS *MOTHER*), second scene in the show has him in a confession box kind. Matt Murdock goes out and gets the shit beaten out of him nightly and also beats the shit out of other people and purposefully leaned into devil iconography as his theme. When his nurse friend says, he takes a lot of punishment without one complaint he says "That part's the Catholicism." It is a Core Aspect of his character (at least in the show). He makes me insane. Also the same chemicals that blinded him created the teenage mutant ninja turtles and everyone should know that.

They went to confession to a priest who they had saved as their costumed counterpart and the guy recognized them by the voice, proving that it's possible and everyone else is just dumb

he takes "i wanna fight god" to new and incredibly violent levels, while also being a sweetheart and a goofball

Actually strictly WILL NOT kill criminals. Goes wayyy out of his way to avoid it. Fights with the Punisher about it. Goes to confession booth after nightly vigilante excursions. Feels so much guilt. "How have you been holding up?" "Like a good Caltholic boy" "that bad huh" - actual conversation with his priest

So Daredevil struggles with his mission as a crime fighter because killing criminals goes against his faith. He makes it a point to not kill criminals, believing that even bad people deserve a second chance. This philosophy puts him at odds against The Punisher, who is a relentless killer. As a Catholic myself, while I love the concept of a morally conflicted superhero, I think the worldbuilding around Daredevil is lacking. If he struggles with violence and killing, why doesn't he pray to warrior saints like Saint Michael, Saint Ignatius of Loyola (a former knight), or Saint Joan of Arc? Why isn't there a community of other Catholics he can turn to for guidance, considering New York City has a sizeable population of Catholics? And why are the churches he goes to always empty? Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church supports the just war theory? I think that would have made his burden more bearable.

He goes to church and confesses to punching people and says "imma do it again can i apologize in advance" and the father dude says "no you're meant to stop now" and Matt says "no" and they do this everyday. I'm not remembering it properly but this is a canon interaction i swear

HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM AND WILL INFOR DUMP ok so. he is a vigalantty and he got named daredevil and he is an orphan and after the age of 12 was raised in an orphanage at a Catholic church and his therapist is his priest via confession abd. also his mother is a nun he has a whole mental breakdown over god and called Job a pussy because he liked god until he got better and liked god again he said "I'm dearedrvil and not even god can stop that now" and he's so cool

matt is a freakish little babygirl who was raised by nuns and definitely has religious trauma. i hate him so much (affectionately)

he’s literally fucking insane about it i don’t know what to say here. he thinks he’s chosen by god to go on some sort of holy quest to save hell’s kitchen. joan of arc ass.

i already know hes in by default j just wanted to give him a personal shout out i love this angsty catholic dweeb

how practicing he is depends on the run, but in my favorite he is quite literally confessing to a member of the last extant order millitant who happens to be a priest at a church in hells kitchen.

i love him for having the funniest version of a trope i usually hate (person gets into confession booth and asks forgiveness not for what they've done, but for what they're about to do). usually this trope just looks silly to me bc like. the priest would just say "i can't do that" and you would have to either awkwardly explain yourself or just Leave. it's funny when matt does it because fr. lantom is probably like "what are you gonna do???" and matt's like "lol. lmao. 😊 hehehe." anyway we love this angry catholic man who dresses up like the devil to beat people up in hell's kitchen

Harrowhark

I'm pretty sure you've already got plenty of submissions for her so I'll just say she was raised in what is basically a cult (technically a nunnery but let's be real) dedicated to keeping the body of the thing that will kill God behind the rock. One of their prayers is actually "I pray the rock is never rolled away". Harrow is extremely devout as penance for her earlier heretical actions in the tomb as a child (spoiler!) so the Catholic guilt really comes through

imagine being a catholic nun and you meet god, but it turns out he’s a twitch streamer from new zealand who became god because everything got a little bit out of hand. and just before you met him you gave yourself a diy grief-fuelled lobotomy with the help of your best frenemy. imagine how insane you’d be. now multiply that insanity by nine. that’s the fictional love of my life right there.

she meets god. she’s not inspired

she’s number one practitioner of space Catholicism. The locked tomb is chock full of Christian (catholic) imagery themes metaphors etc. just look at her she’s got a bone rosary

They're Catholicism with extra bones. Everyone is a nun. They have what is basically a rosary made from knuckle bones. They technically worship the same God as everyone else, but they're waaaay more focused on The Body in the Tomb (Mary) and we get a moment where we find out that while everyone else prays the equivilent of The Lords Prayer, they're doing the equivilent of Hail Mary. And they paint their faces with skulls.

She thinks leaving dry bread in a drawer is taking care of someone. She's in love with a 10,000 year old corpse (the same one they worship). She spent ALL NIGHT digging with her bare hands to make sure a field had bones every 5 feet so she could fight her girlfriend - I mean, greatest enemy. Spoiler territory: She's been puppeting her parents corpses since she was 8 years old. Instead of grieving her dead girlfriend, she gives herself a lobotomy. She makes soup with bone in it so she can use the bone IN THEIR STOMACH to try and kill them.

The author is/was Catholic and the entire series had heavy Catholic overtones. https://www.tor.com/2020/08/19/gideon-the-ninth-young-pope-and-the-new-pope-are-building-a-queer-catholic-speculative-fiction-canon/ A good breakdown of how it's Catholic

[seiko-e]

Ok, this will be my last fan fic for i am planning to create my own manga series soon, so hope you guys enjoy✌️✨

*no Nsfw but lots of fluff

*long but easy to read👍✨

Y/n choi (hoshina fans) and y/n park(narumi fans) are former defense Force in korea, basically, both are half Korean and Japanese, one of their parents is japanese as they were lived and born from korea, its been how many years that they have served for the defence force that they even got the title of the BEST officers

They decided to move to Japan cause of that one mission incident.

They were sent out to a mission that they knew was impossible to win, 20 officers were sent, 2 survived

Choi: Request to retreat! All of our comrades are dead! However if you wish to continue, we request for a strong back up!

"request denied by commander, continue the mission"

Park: ARE YOU CRAZY, THIS BATTLE IS A 2 V 5 HUGE KAIJUS! AND YOU EXPECT US TO WIN??...or perhaps, you expect us to die and dispose of us so that the future generations can take our place?

"...commander orders: proceed with the mission.."

In disbelief and surprise, park's knees fell to the ground as she slowly began to lose hope in living, on the other hand, choi was also in disbelief however, determined to stay alive, she swore that once this mission is clear, she will leave the defense force

Somehow, the 2 did manage to live and clear the mission, but once they were about to give their resignation letter, the commander offered them tickets to japan before she accepted the letter, telling them that their skills would be a waste if they don't use it.

With that statement alone, it is already clear to the two, they've been offered to transfer to japan.

As expected, both passed however, choi was in the third division while park is in first decision

Y/n choi (hoshina x reader)

Your first day as a defense force officer in Japan was VERY NERVOUS, without y/n park(narumi fans) being with new new people is difficult, you and park may not be close neither are you friends but she's the only person you knew here in japan.

getting along with everyone is difficult, you can't guess their intentions, a high possibility chance rate that every single one of them will also stab you in the back or rely on you like a tool.

Eventually you decide to work alone, just like in Korea

Kikoru: choi—san, come sit with us, eating alone is lonely dont you think?

You: sorry, you're mistaken, i don't feel a bit lonely, and plus, instead of talking, im more focused with surroundings in case a kaiju attacks, but thank you for the offer

Kikoru: oh, ok, no problem, if you do notice something, feel free to call us

You: i will, thank you

While eating, you can feel the gaze of a fox Captain, It's been a while now since the vice captain of the third division got eyes on you, aside from you being similar to him as the only officer who uses melee weapons, commonly swords, there is something interesting in you that caught his attention.

"office Choi"

You stand and greet him

"since you are only capable of swords, what do you say about you be personally trained by me!"

"...i thank you for the offer but I—“

"That's an order" (⁠✿⁠^⁠‿⁠^⁠)

"ha?.."

Since then, you and shoshiro are training every night, he teaches you some techniques that you haven't learned, it's been like that for several weeks, and he trains you, hes also observing you in the day, your interactions and how you treat everyone coldly.

One night, the lights suddenly went off, an immediate fear then attacked you, the anxiety and trauma that you've suppressed and hidden we're triggered immediately, ever since Young, you always stay away from the dark, its not the dark that you fear, its what in the dark

you remembered witnessing an abused woman seeking for help in the dark when you were at the age of 6, the regret is still haunting you for not helping to the woman, at the age of 7, you were greeted by an old drunk man in the dark, to your child self, those people were monsters

You knelt down, letting go of the sword, covering your ears as tears begin to flow down from your eyes, soshiro was able to see you tear up, as his eyes widened in surprise, he then wraps you up with his jacket, kneeling down and pats you in the back

"its ok, its ok, im here with you in case something happens"

You were flustered at first but then realized that maybe he just pity you, which got you sad

But nop, it's the opposite, in fact, soshiro thought that it was cute, a cold blooded tiger turns out to be just a scared kitten protecting itself

After a while, the lights turned back on, it turns out it was just a black out

"This is the end of our training for now, you can bring the jacket and go back to your room, or are you scared of huge places alone at night and want a fox to come with you?<⁠(⁠￣⁠︶⁠￣⁠)⁠>"

"no im fine"

He insisted on coming anyway, ever since that night, he started being warm and fuzzy with you, literally trying to melt your wall of ice, to meet the kitten that it reflects, and before you knew it, he successfully melted the ice

You've started to become more talkative with him and only him.

"Hey hey ��� officer y/n choi, im going to the first division, you mentioned about a person you know there, right? Wanna come?"

Its been a while since you and y/n park has spoken, so you agreed

At the first division base, you and y/n park are in the Library

"btw i tamed a kitten"

"What's that gotta do with me"

I'll create a narumi fans version soon, sorry if the ending is a bit lazy i got tired recently

[rachhaven]

If you're looking for fic inspiration but dont have loads of asks, maybe incorrect quotes or headcanons? Good luck in your writing journey!

hi lovelies!!! this was a brilliant starting point, and I think that this sets a good baseline of what to expect from how I write these characters, I adore them all and have my own understanding of them in my head so this is just my opinion. hope you enjoy!!!

Remus – big ol softie at heart- and he looks like one- gets possessive and snappy at the same time closer to the full moon. Chocolate is obvs his fave- but in my head he alternates between dark and milk chocolate- white chocolate is a crime against humanity. Calls his partner dove/ dovey, sweet/pretty/lovely (insert girl or boy or gender) and sunshine (purely because he’s the moon and I think that’s adorable). He loves tea, like obsessed- has to have decaf in evenings because he’s enough of an insomniac- but will have random nights where he’s dead to the world. 

Sirius – also a softie, all of them are lets be so fr- but he hides it behind the cocky, joker man bravado. Coffee addict- every morning, without a doubt- he def has a proper coffee machine because he makes the best coffee and no shop does it right anymore. He’s got snobbish tendencies, he’s trying to outlearn them but its tricky- he prefers m and s food, but the rest of them like a big tesco so he deals with it. Calls his partners doll, love, he’s def the type of guy to use my “x”, like, my love, my dear etc. I see him as being like the best big brother in the world, just exudes comfort and love and gives the best hugs ever. Also,  curls are always long and a mess and only washed when absolutely necessary 

James – eugh the sweetest most adhd ridden soul I’ve ever met other than myself- he’s so gentle but forgets how strong he is majority of the time, hell squeeze in a hug and accidentally hurt someone because he’s def got a sleeper build and forgets his physicality. This guy thrives off dr pepper and I don’t know why, but unfortunately with all the soft loveliness of him there is the gym bro side who will only eat fish and a ricecake some days because he’s doing some weird training plan, but we love him for it. Will happily yap for hours so when remus and Sirius want to sit and read or listen to their vinyl’s he has to be doing something more engaging because he just can’t.

Barty – big shoutout first to @ellecdc because shes an icon who introduced me properly to barty and ev and I’m obsessed now. Treasure is his nickname, tres for short and that’s the only thing hell call his girl other than *other* nicknames during *alone time*. He’s chaos but its organsied in comparisons to james’ pure chaos. He knows where he’s going, what his plans are and anything else like hours in advance, a manic planned person. He totally goes on weed walks, and only shares with people he genuinely cares about. Now there is the other side of barty, the teddy bear- bartybear, for shiggles and giggles, but he’s a sweetheart for those he loves and cares about, he knows violence as a consequence for everything and melts when he’s shown any form of affection and is so so open to learning to be gentle, I know that makes him sound like a dog but imagine him as a puppy and it just makes sense 

Reg – my sweet little love I will pass away before anyone says anything remotely bad about my boy. He’s a tortured soul, metaphorically and literally, he’s had the shittiest childhood out of all of them id say, not in the fact that he was hurt more, I don’t think he was hurt anywhere near as much as the others until Sirius left, but seeing his big brother, his protector, so hurt and trying to save him, then just being left? It makes sense he’s so withdrawn from himself, that’s a lifetime of trauma in a young boy. It takes a lot for him to open up, and he falls back on French for his emotions because then only the people who really care about him will try to understand, he needs love and safety and gentleness, and once he’s got that, the real reg shines through. He calls his partners French pet names, and he’s got the most hilarious dry wit that can make people fold over in laughter, dark humour is a coping mechanism and if there was a degree in it he’d have a phd. 

Evan -  ev. Now, I don’t know much about this beautiful soul, I think he’s the calmest of the slytherins, I love the dynamic I have in my head of him and pandora being the most hilariously yin and yan twins ever, and that they just complete each other. He’s jumpy, but he hides in in a strong boy bravado, but he’s also got the smarts, he’s worked for it, unlike barty who is annoyingly naturally so smart, ev puts in the work and sees the outcomes. He calls his partners sweets or something along those lines, I see him as a baby guy too, when he’s trying to convince you to let him do something so bloody stupid, overall, an angel and a devil in one, and I need to learn more about him. 

Pandora- only a baby bit about her for now, im not too involved in the marauders girls yet other than lily and marlene, but pandora, Dorcas, mary, alice- I want to know more and develop my ideas of them better, ill probably use their names for parties or other scenarios, but I will get there eventually with it. Pandora is a whimsical soul, she cares so deeply, she loves most people, and is just the epitome of luna, luna is a copy paste of her mum, and I will die on that hill. She’s naive sometimes, but the boys all look out for her, and they’d die and or kill someone before anything happens to her. 

Lily – the firecracker- an absolute icon in the meaning of the word, but also the sweetest most genuines soul ever. She loves her books and being clever and reaching her goals, she’s the kind of girl who has the five year plan moodboard under her bed, but she sprepared for anything and is first aid trained to the max and its so hilarious that the second anyone gets hurt they all just scream for her. Her hair is a mess when she sleeps but she brushes it the second she wakes up. She’s the type of girl to call her partner lovie, something short and sweet but she says it in a tone that just melts anyone she’s talking too, she screams maternal and will just coddle you whenever you need it, friend or partner. She thrives off of small touches, she hates pda but a hand on the back or a kiss on the head in passing makes her day. 

Marlene – marlene is genuinely the complete opposite to me, we share dark humour, but she genuinely doesn’t give a fuck what anyone says or does and she’s doing her own thing whether you like it or not. She’s hot as fuck and smokes and drinks and parties as hard as she can, she’s a wild heart but deep down a sweet soul. She doesn’t give fuck what people think of her, but she does push for her to succeed, she hates the thought of failure of being replaced and has attachments to her favourite people because she’s terrified she’s too much for them, but she knows how to handle it, she’s got this life long lesbian thing down to a t. 

[fr4nkie0stein]

Catra x force captain reader

force reader was kind of treated like Catra with Shadow Weaver. Although Shadow Weaver just hated the reader. Catra is kind of confused when she hears how badly reader was treated.

Like, what? You somehow have more trauma then me?

Reader just has lots of scars on her arms and back because of how much Shadow Weaver beat her

You dont have to do this if your not comfortable! Have a nice day :]

No worries, I feel completely comfortable with writing something like this! You have a nice day too ♡♡

Hurt

Pairing: Catra x fem force captain reader

Summary: you and Catra bond over the horrible ways Shadow Weaver treated you both

Content warning(s): childhood trauma, mentions of physical and verbal abuse, talk of scars from said abuse, please don't read if this will trigger you in any way

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Ever since you were young, Shadow Weaver used and treated you like her own personal punching bag. Whether she was upset over a defeat for the Horde, struggling with her powers, or having to deal with Hordak's criticism, she always turned to you to be the one she could take it out on.

Although it happened for so long, you never told anyone about your abuse. You weren't really close with anybody in the Horde, and you also didn't see the point in it. I mean, it's not like anybody could do much to help.

As a force captain, you often met up with the other force captains to train together. That's where you first met Adora when she used to belong to the Horde, and that's also where you met Catra.

You'd heard a lot about her from the short time Adora had been a force captain, but she was much more intimidating than you expected her to be. You would soon find she was also just as fragile.

The two of you trained together often, but you didn't usually change together in the locker rooms because you didn't know each other that well. One day while you were changing shirts, Catra walked in and saw some of the scars you had on your back from Shadow Weaver's beatings.

"Woah, what happened to you?" She blurted out, not really one who cared for others feelings all that much. "Was it one of the princesses that did it?"

You sighed, knowing she was bound to find out sooner or later. As lying would only make things worse, you stuck with telling the truth. "Uh, no. They were from Shadow Weaver."

Catra's ears immediately flattened back against her head at the mention of her mentor's name. "Shadow Weaver did that to you? But... Why?"

Shrugging, you put your dirty clothes back in your locker and shut it. "Dunno. I guess she figured it'd be easiest to take her rage out on a little kid who couldn't fight back." You leaned up against the locker, shoving your hands in your pockets. "She doesn't do it anymore, though. I think ever since I became a force captain she sort of became scared of me."

Catra scoffed, rolling her eyes some. "Wow, you made Shadow Weaver of all people scared of you? I must admit, that's pretty impressive." She crossed her arms, her gaze falling to the floor before she spoke up again in a much smaller voice. "She hurt me, too. It was mostly verbal, but it didn't hurt any less."

You nodded at her words, your eyes softening as you watched her. "Yeah, I get that." It's quiet for a moment before you suddenly say, "Hey, do you wanna... I don't know, maybe hang out some? Maybe we can talk about some plans for our next attack against Bright Moon."

The corners of her lips quirked upwards as she looked back up, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Yeah, I've got nothing else going on. And you know what, maybe one day the two of us will be in charge, and we can get rid of Shadow Weaver for once and for good."

You smiled back as you walked with her towards the locker room door. "Yeah, maybe."

Fin ××

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[dr-spectre]

also it's a random thing but I've realized people have been using brainwashed wrong too

Brainwashing has nothing to do with actually mind controlling people and has everything to do with propaganda. And being told it constantly

For context -

<- the actual definition of doing something

if we use this definition instead of how literally everyone uses it (ie. It's just a replacement for mind controlled)

Then honestly callie being "brainwashed" makes more logically sense if you treat the hypnoshades as consistently feeding her propaganda. It's not literally taking over her mind she's literally probably being played octavios music tbh

Because it's canonically a thing that octavio uses music for propaganda

TLDR: even by LITERAL INSISTENCE INKIPEDIA DEFINITIONS that she id "brainwashed and mind controlled", she can not be mind controlled. Realistically if Callie was brainwashed that means she was just fed propaganda about Octarian.

So people can't argue that she was forced into that outfit she wears in splatoon 2 still because she probably chose to wear it maybe as a strange solidarity idea. It's not about being forced to wear something... Like that. It's wearing a uniform.

Uh that tldr is too long:

Etldr: callie can't be mind controlled no matter how much people insist, brainwashing literally is about propaganda and not "oh no my memories are lost I can't feel ::((("

You literally cannot force her to not have autonomy no matter if it's "brainwashing vs hypnosis"

It's NOT MIND CONTROLLL 😭😭😭😭

o god this is super long

I actually got a comment that was VERY similar to this!!! Someone (I forgot who) said, "I'm gonna think of cult brainwashing instead of sci-fi brainwashing for callie for my own sanity."

From my knowledge, the term brainwashing has always been this general term to describe mind control plots and shit like that and people use it poorly and wrongly. And THAT'S where my anger comes from. Because people wanna make Callie's arc in Splatoon 2 way worse, more disgusting and less interesting. It's so SOOOOO annoying and disregards any sort of arc that Callie could go through....

The word is either used in cults, or military experiments, or family drama of "you're brainwashing my child!" Or sci fi lazy bullshit where it's just "mind control and you lose all of your autonomy and memories" aka Winter Soldier, Widowmaker, etc. It's such a general term that has a trillion different meanings and it's fucking frustrating as hell.

If I try to look at Callie’s story through the lens of "standard" brainwashing where it's just psychological manipulation and propaganda from the Octarians and Octavio, considering that he is known to use music and other things as motivation to boost Octarians.... then... I actually wouldn't have a problem with people using that word... maybe...

Because Callie STILL had some amount of agency and autonomy, even with the shades on, she couldn't have been forced to do anything against her will cause of how hypnosis works. She still heard out the Octarians and listened to their propaganda. Was Octavio still in the wrong? Yeah! DUHHHH!!! NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK!!! HE MANIPULATED A MENTALLY ILL SQUID WOMAN!!! YOU THINK IM RESOLVING THAT MAN OF BLAME?!?! FUCK NO!!! But in that scenario it's WAYYYY LESS EVIL than what the fuck people and Nintendo tried to suggest that they did. I dont wanna believe that Octavio immediately grabbed and then "brainwashed" Callie with the shades after she said "okay fine I'll hear you out." And then "kidnapped" her and her memories were wiped... Ugh. (Fucking Nintendo bro god I hate them...)

It would also help explain WHY she doesn't feel any sort of trauma or suffering from those events and why she finds the Octarians cute and why she went with Octavio to the Low Water party. She probably felt sorry for the Octarians and wanted to help them willingly because her life beforehand was shitty and she was alone... Octavio probably didn't need to do much to convince her, too, which is kinda sad... She probably doesn't feel regret or pain because, well, she was going through a rough period and she wanted an escape, so the Octarians, in her mind, were the only way out...

However.... I can't see that word the same anymore, and every time that I see it, I ALWAYS think of the bullshit sci-fi definition and people just LOVEEEE TO USE IT AS A CATCH ALL TERM!!!! IT'S REALLY REALLYYYYYY ANNOYING!!!!

That word has actually caused me physical reactions when I hear it, like I was in a family dinner and one of my parents used that word and like... I fucking tensed up and felt stinging across my entire body, my heart was pounding and stuff. NO THAT ISNT A JOKE! THATS HOW FIXATED I AM ON THE STUPID SQUID LADY!!!!

Idk if I will be able to comfortably use the word "brainwashing" to describe Hypno Callie because that word has been fully engrained to me as the sci fi. one, rather than the general cult one with more autonomy and more room to dive into depth and character change.

I guess you could say that Nintendo have... BRAINWASHED me into believing that the word is only used as a way to say mind control and "oh no I lost all of my memories!!!" Heh... Heh... eh.... I wanna die.

I fucking hate Nintendo bro. I hate them. So much.

Oh Nintendo, when I find you I swear to go-

[lexithwrites]

some headcanons for the ladies of the fandom, and no this isn't gonna follow canon, they're all a little gay at the least, so cry about it x

dorlene,,my loves, i feel like they met at a gig honestly, marlene is very tomboy/grunge and loves going by herself to bars and pubs where some local band is playing and she's a bit awkward on her own but once she has a drink and sees a pretty girl she's a lot more chill and confident

then she meets dorcas and she's fucked, so so fucked

dorcas is my goth queen, long black dress, buckled harness across her chest, sharp black nails, dark makeup and so much jewellery and marlene cant stop staring at her

she didnt think she liked goth chicks that much but FUCK this woman is a goddess, and shes tall,,,marlene is a sucker for taller women

shes so nervous trying to chat her up because dorcas' voice is like velvet, its so soothing and melodic and marlene thinks she might orgasm just from talking to her, and dorcas TOUCHES when she talks to you she's touching her arm and running a hand down her back and telling marlene she looks hot and marlene is so red

but they do exchange numbers and talk for days before marlene finally has the guts to ask her out and dorcas takes her to this restaurant and honestly they spend the entire night together walking around and talking and they go to marlene's and do makeout but nothing further, dorcas is also my demi queen and marlene is probably shaking with nerves lmao

also i feel like when marlene introduces her to the group they're all starstruck by dorcas too, dorcas is like the hottest woman they've all seen and dont know how marlene's nerdy ass pulled her but are so proud and happy

plus dorcas is the sweetest most gentle woman, she's so caring and attentive and pays so much attention to what someones saying to her, she remembers everything

also her and lily? besties, they're both into the same shows and they're both book lovers and talk for ages about fanfiction hehe

speaking of, my girl lily, she's basically walked out of the 70's and i love her for it

all flares and tie dye shirts, long, bright red hair and crazy bright makeup, her favourite colour is yellow and she loves flowers and summer and UGH okay

she loves 70's rock too, i feel like she kinda hides it a little but her and sirius bond over it very quickly

her entire apartment is very boho and there's lots of incense and candles and yes, shes a stoner, shes cool

very bisexual but basically only wants to date women as her experience with men (past a fling with james when they were teenagers) has been bad so she goes on a lot of dates with women to try something new and they didnt really work out past a few dates but she's hopeful

then one night she's getting drunk and a lil high with mary and she realises how pretty mary is, how soft her skin is, how fluffy her hair looks and suddenly they're really close and woah her lips are so plump and taste like strawberry wtf

i feel like her and mary hooked up once and got so nervous that they ruined their friendship that they didnt talk for a week until remus begged them too because he hates his two closest friends not speaking

when they do talk mary tells lily that she's had the biggest crush on her for so long but she didnt know how to say anything because lily had dated other people in that time and lily just feels her heart sore because oh,,,oh

mary is the sweetest girl, okay, she's precious and honestly its because of trauma and just her resilience to it thats kept her so loving and sweet, she deserves a fiery girlfriend like lily

mary has a big family and i'll stand by that, she has like four brothers and three sisters and she's the third eldest so she's taken care of them a lot too

she loves taking lily to her families home and introducing them to her girlfriend and honestly? they adore lily

she's cool and feisty and funny and she clearly makes mary very happy, but her older sisters do have a protective talk with her but they love her, they know she wouldn't hurt her

i feel like mary is a theatre girl too, she loves acting and directing and learning about sound and costume design, she's defo in the universty theatre department and lily is always coming in with a coffee and some lunch incase she forgets to eat, plus it makes mary blush when lily comes in because everyone stares at her

also in the theatre department is none other than xenophilius, a shy, whimsy guy who is dating probably the scariest yet coolest woman ever, miss pandora rosier

her and her brother were always into acting growing up and loved being in plays together, so they're defo in the department too

i feel like pandora loves making costumes and does the makeup for shows she isn't in and evan is a big sound design guy, so they're always backstage together as well as onstage

pandora is whismy goth, her and dorcas bonded over that when they first met in freshers, and she always smells of flowers and cigarettes from her brother

she also wears the TALLEST shoes ever because she's short, i love short panda

and xeno is the tallest lankiest mother fucker okay he's like barty height and so skinny, and he has a shock of white hair and heterochromia eyes and fiddles with his fingers a lot and pandora thinks he's adorable

they talk about true crime together and she reads his palm a lot and he does her tarot reading and its a beautiful, soft, loving relationship

but i feel like they're also a lil freaky,,,maybe some knife play here and there who knows, pandora is a wild card

her and dorcas became friends with the other girls through marlene and after that they're all insperable

they go shopping, smoke weed, hang out in the rosier's pool during the summer, its great

and marlene is the only driver so she takes them to the beach and down to brighton for the weekend so they can go to the gay bars together, its just great

i love my ladies, i hope this meal was filling

[astrid-gallivan]

Let’s talk about Bro

This is a post that I’ve been working on for a week now. It’s a post I knew I would eventually have to make, but it certainly is coming out sooner than I anticipated. This is to clarify and lay down exactly what my headspace is when I draw Eddys Brother (Bro) since I draw him a lot. It'll be a long post no matter how hard I try to cut it down. I'm sorry! ;.;

For a quick TL;DR- I do NOT ship Bro with any of the EEnE characters. PERIOD. I also do not ship the Kanker sisters with any of them. I do however understand that there is a lot of grey area in humanity and support you if you use these characters as Art Therapy for trauma. This is a hot take I’ve seen around various communities, and not everyone processes trauma in this manner, but I do not support the romanticization of these relationships in real life (especially if you are a child!). There is a distinct difference between fantasy and reality, and I am happy using fantasy to point out the abusive and toxic problems in reality so that others can recognize them. But even still, adults, don’t have kids in your fantasy! 😑 And realize that you dont have to share everything you create and that some things can still trigger others!

Okay, now for the long stuff where I break a few things down. I’m going to be fully honest with you. I hardly watched EEnE when I was a kid. But I saw the movie and Bro has stood out in my brain since then. That’s 16 years. Aside from the Eds always trying to get money for jawbreakers, he was really the only thing I remembered about the show. Finally watching the entire show (not even a year ago now) I found that I related quite a bit to Eddy. And I realized part of that was specifically because of his brother. I looked up to my abuser to the exact same degree that Eddy did with his brother.

I do like true crime and dark romance. I have a fascination with the dark side of humanity. I also love stories where the villain gets the happy ending. However! These are two very separate and distinct things and reading dark romances does not mean that you promote the toxic relations contained within or that you want to marry a serial killer.

I don’t draw Bro to be a villain who gets a happy ending. My Bro art ultimately explores the dark side of humanity and helps me to understand and cope with my own experiences that I had when I was a child. I am actually very selective on what I post with him. There's a reason I've got a lot of just Bro without another character, and the like, two I do have are with Eddy... and he's not happy. Art Therapy is a real thing, and I very much promote that. Creative outlets are a safe way to explore and understand our experiences. I want people to process their own experiences because honestly, doing so has made my life so much better! But I don’t support shipping Bro with any of the characters- aged up or not- just because they find it hot. I have seen some OC ships… that I’m more understanding of since it’s a form of projecting yourself into the story. And I know that young adults will have their own OCs be their age. I admit, I do have my own OC with Bro. But I don’t post this, and never will, because it’s only for me to work through something that happened, to release something that I’ve been too afraid and ashamed of admitting happened to me. So I can finally heal from something I’ve been carrying for 20 years. Nothing else.

I think it was honestly pure genius to make him an attractive and mysterious character on the show. Why? Because he portrays the reality of the dark side of humanity. He’s the light that brings the moths into their death- even his own brother, Eddy. I admit I’m a crazy moth that is always attracted to that light. And I don’t condemn you if you are a crazy moth too. There is nothing wrong with someone liking True Crime, dark romances, or villain characters in general. But my moth friends, as you fly around the light, remember what that light represents. Remember that while bringing things into the light makes them lose their power, don’t fly too close and get burned. Balance things. Give yourself breaks. Introspect. And give yourself some grace if something has happened to you. It wasn’t your fault. You’re not stupid for it having happened. You aren’t at fault. Period.

As for the Kanker sisters, I have never been a fan of the Kankers being shipped with the Eds. I always had a very certain “ick” factor with them, because they harassed the boys all the time. I wasn’t going to include them in my comic originally because of how much I didn’t like them…but I decided to take a different direction with them and have them acknowledge what they did and mature while still teasing everyone. This approach is very rooted in reality too- people can realize what stupid and harmful things they’ve done and can change. It doesn’t mean everything is fixed or that the people they harmed should welcome them into their lives with open arms. The change doesn't erase what happened. But they can be proactive and take actions to prevent future harm. They can educate people on why they were wrong and help make the world a better place.

I don’t know what anyone’s take on this will be, but for everyone calling out problems regarding these characters, seriously good on you. You really are doing a good thing with that and problems need to be pointed out. It’s how we learn and change the world for the better. 

And if something in here doesn't make sense or is confusing, please point it out so I can clarify and update it! This post is just so long... and I still feel like I didn't get to hit everything I wanted to say... 🤦‍♀️

[mueritos]

a big brain dump about autism, life, being indigenous, and whatever else is going on

so the past few months I made it a personal journey to understand my autism more (and maybe a possible ptsd diagnosis but whatever whatever whatever). and that's what i'm calling it--the autism--because no other thing makes sense for me, and while i'm parsing through childhood memories and experiences, it's definitely...a bittersweet conclusion? bitter because in a lot of ways, i dont relate to the stereotypical autistic experience because every autistic person who has clocked me was usually a White Queer. It's probably why it's taken so long to get to this point of concluding Autism is what it is. I grew up in an immigrant family as a girl, and for that reason I was expected to not be disabled and to be a completely normal and high achieving Mexican catholic girl who went to college and became a doctor or whatever. Now i'm a fag of a man doing none of those things haha.

My older brother was supposed to be assessed for ASD in his youth, and like most immigrant dads, mine decided that nothing was wrong with him and the rest is history. Except my older brother is a man riddled with childhood trauma, shame, and so much autism. Absolutely uncharted rates of autism, and while he gets some sort of pity from my parents for him ("it's all out fault" "he never got the help he needed" "cut him some slack he doesnt understand"), I can never let my own parents know about how much I struggle. Hell, I can barely show it to my own friends because even they don't understand the extent of my autistic struggles. it's actually caused continuous miscommunications, people mad at me, me mad at myself, meltdowns, shutdowns, and a lot of crying. And shame. (a peer recently even demeaned my habit of keeping to myself, despite the fact that I had actually been trying to put myself out there more)

so i'm at a point in my life where I've accepted that I can only take responsibility over how I communicate, and I take ownership over that. Accepting this responsibility allows me to keep myself safe, as I've essentially lived over 2 decades of my life feeling like I was responsible for not just my communication, but everyone else's, including all of the judgements, missed cues, failures, miscommunications, and whatever else came from it. It's definitely double empathy. Last time I truly took on everyone's communication, it nearly killed me (cue over a year of suicidality). But, in a lot of ways it's very freeing. I'm sort of detaching myself from this neurotypical/White need to socially interact with others on their terms. In other ways, it's restricting. I uh. Don't really talk to a lot of people nowadays, and there used to be days where I wouldn't say a single word out loud. But because I don't talk to as many people, I'm able to put energy into the quality of my connections and not just the quantity. Which unfortunately a lot of people take personally. They dont like you admitting that you only see them as an acquittance, or as a classmate, or something like a friend but not quite there. I find comfort knowing how people feel about me, even if its that they actually dont feel close to me. Great! Now I know! Knowing makes me feel safe! But I'm finding that people actually really fucking hate when you admit that to them, the how you actually slot them in ur brain in terms of social levels. I can understand why, but I also don't get it.

Another thing that's helped is I've changed how I do eye contact. I used to make eye contact with professors or classmates while I spoke up in class because I thought that was important. Now I've found I can actually focus more on what I'm trying to say when I don't make eye contact. My god how freeing that has been. I don't have the same anxiety as I used to before, nor do I experience all of the involuntary blushing as I did for many years of my life. It didn't matter how confident or how prepared I felt, I would just blush furiously and I fucking hate it. Now my blushing is almost nonexistent, and I say what I mean with the flat ass tone that I love speaking in because it makes me feel safe. Sure, I miss the real-time non-verbal reactions to my words in class, but it's an okay trade-off for feeling more safe in myself and more confident in the classroom.

another thing is my internship. I work with majority neurodivergent students, and many of my clients have autism, adhd, or both, and are sometimes BIPOC, trans, or children of immigrants. Man, I've been having a blast. Sure, I'm learning how to be a therapist and best practices, but screw everyone in my life who has called me "cold" "emotionless" or "heartless". I have connected with so many people on such a human level, and I have sat there and helped them hold their pain in that tiny gay office for 45 minutes every week, and even though it's only 45 minutes, i'm showing them that they're allowed to ask for help holding that pain. I have had challenging sessions, difficult conversations, and times where I wasn't sure I would know what to say. But at it's core, I know that I'm capable of connecting with the person in front of me because my autism brain is automatically in tune with the person in front of me. It is so wonderful, and overwhelming, and so confusing all at once. When people start crying in front of me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, even if I'm not actually sad with them. It shows me that I'm capable of this empathy that so many people over my life have questioned, which they questioned all because I processed things slowly, or made quick decisions, or because I was honest about how I felt.

on to being mixed indigenous. Phew. I've been trying to build more connections with other Native folk, and I have a couple who I can thankfully call friends and who have never disrespected my detribalized experience. but recently I was interviewed a few times for a fellow indigenous researcher's dissertation, and I did not expect to be chosen on account that I am detribalized. But it had been a lovely experience and I finished my final interview today. It really left me with a lot of emotions that are hard to put into words. Mourning would be one of them, as I likely won't ever know what my tribal affiliation is. Never knowing who my people were, what language they spoke, the land they lived on...I can't describe just how much it destroys me. It feels like literal death, because that's what it is. A disgusting colonial death. And it's why I abhor that of all my identities, being autistic and being mixed indigenous has been met with the most vitriol online. like i guess people can only handle the trans fag mexican dude when hes not autistic and mixed indigenous, because now I am far too ambigious for anyone else's good. though i do know better than to listen to what random people online have to say about me and my path toward reconnection/neurodivergency.

beside's that, i'm trying to find neurodivergent spaces that feel safe, and I'm trying to find ways to keep myself safe. stimming, carrying stuffed animals around, using fidget toys, engaging in my interests, listening to the same songs, eating the same foods. I've had coffee with bagel and chive+onion cream cheese for over a year now. I've listening to almost only Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains for nearly a year now. I rewatch the same youtube videos over and over again. I wear the same few outfits. I wear the same shoes everyday. I walk the same way to and from campus everyday. I try to be in nature as much as I can, and really see it. I imagine nature where it isn't, and I get emotional thinking about the life that used to be on it. I wish so badly that I was a cat, a horse, a bunny, a deer, all so I could experience life through their eyes. i'm putting trust into people, into the universe, and into myself. safety is hard to come by, but im doing my best to accept the risks of life, trying to be flexible, and learn how to sustain myself for the good of the world. I deserve to be here too.

that's about it. besides that, i'm moving to philly once i'm done with grad school ^-^

[narwhalandchill]

how are we feeling about this project amber update

assuming this is in relation to childe bc who the fuck else JWDJWJKDJKW anon im so sorry if not. also so so sorry for how out of hand this got. i am simply unwell about him.

But! Well. there certainly are thoughts

(obviously 4.6 datamine of arle SQ and her voicelines; This Will Not Spoil Anything Abt The Main SQ Plot, i only discuss the relevant parts. also some p Heavy negativity towards fanon ooc at the start youve been warned dont @ me)

(i mean i didnt even read anything of the SQ but The scene w childe so idek the main plot of the quest rly either lmao. tho go at ur own risk if u wanna check the dialogue out; its the 2nd quest log but it does hint at the greater story)

TLDR: how i feel abt his appearance in a vaccuum? quite solid despite the briefness, actually. accounting for the way fanon is 100% likely going to be reading into this and turning it into the Lets Infantilize Ajax Even More 2024 championship? conflicted.

in other words; a certified labyrinth warriors moment - theyve expanded on childes character in a very interesting and quite a compelling way and while i Do like the potential in what im seeing from hoyos end theyve also done it so that its going to be misinterpreted to hell and back by fanon so i kinda have an immediate jaded love-hate moment going on JJWJDKJDKJWJDWKJ

its literally just labyrinth warriors flashbacks - that event has some of my ALL TIME favorite insights into who ajax is and how he views the world and himself but when the event came out all everyone cared abt was to warp it into baby boy stuck in scawwy paper boy dungeon dehumanizes himself by calling himself a weapon and doesnt love himself he is such a sad trauma meowkitten 🥺🥺so yeah

bc like lets look at this properly for a bit; okay he went back to fontaine to look for skirk still somewhat injured and waa waa my 286 month infant baby cannot Make decisions like that!!!!!11! which is to say. i am tired of him getting this shit every time.

is it smart of him to get on the move immediately with just the bare minimum of rest? no. do i like that hes straining himself before proper recovery? not particularly no. do i feel the particular need to psychoanalyze this grown man and feared warrior whos 100% survived Way Worse in Way More Extreme Situations for it? hell fucking no.

while not at all the course of action a medical professional would approve of. from childes POV its perfectly logical hes priorizing going back for skirk when its literally the FIRST TIME shes showed up in like. a Decade. when hes been looking for her all this time are you kidding me 😭😭😭 but fanon must keep fanoning for their widdle baby girl so what does a hater like me know

anyway. seething and venting over im gonna try to avoid bringing up how much i hate this kinda infantilization of ajax now im sorry for bringing it up so much on ur innocent ask anon KJWDJKWKJDJDKWJKD. neutral discussion moment. i Promise

so it seems that theyre going for the pulcinella-is-shady-about-ajax (and prolly his family) angle for good and like. personally for me as long as the only real source of that claim was scara (a cynical edgelord who doesnt believe in non-exploitative human relationships, mind you) i was rather skeptical towards just instantly drawing that conclusion, but well. with the scene in arles AQ it appears to be sth theyre building towards

i actually really fucking loved that scene bc while theres outsider perspectives (scara obvi; and even arles line for him has that vibe. and ppl still take that shit face value 💀💀) and a lot of fandom assuming childes like. completely clueless and naive and ignorant towards the potential risks involved with trusting pulcinella. this is actually a very clever demonstration of quite the opposite? and showcasing how despite his aversion towards schemes and lies hes still intelligent and knows the kind of people hes dealing with when it comes to his fellow harbingers

like. childe has a negative opinion of arle based on what pulcinella has told him about her because at face value many of her deeds are in heavy conflict with his values of loyalty and family. and because he does not have the further context behind her actions and what the HotH under her is really like. Obviously hed hold a very hostile and wary view towards arlecchino

(ESPECIALLY when with all this biased intel hes still going to run into kids from the house!!! and then hes going wtf? these are good kids. what the hell is that knave doing with them??? blink twice if you need help i will start a civil war for yall like thats how he is with kids!!!!)

so YES. pulcinella has given him if not false then at least misleading intel based on the political tension between himself and arlecchino and the wider HotH. and childes taken that at face value! sure! he is close with pulcinella of course he would!

BUT. THEN. he returns to fontaine and seeks arlecchinos help looking for skirk. and observes her behavior and modus operandi for himself as well as the kids. does he go "nah she must be just hiding the crazy evil shit i would never distrust pulcinella" and leave it at that when reality doesnt completely match his expectations?

NO. because when offered the opportunity through the traveler asking about the HotH childe immediately capitalizes on the opportunity to prod for answers and see if pulcinella is lying to him!!!!

and hes so fucking smart with the way he does it too???? i LOVE his intelligence. the entire thing is so simple yet elegant; it Completely relies on his reputation as the kinda gullible harbinger whod Never scheme or hide Anything to indirectly affirm or deny his suspicions. he doesnt Need to Pretend to care about the possibility of arle betraying the kids bc he genuinely does!! and when she pushes back against the accusation he doesnt Need to fake admitting to her that well, actually, its all just rumors so he could be completely wrong. and so on. like he navigates the entire thing so effortlessly. and whats the end result?

childe has Confirmation of pulcinellas possible ulterior motives in action AND that arlecchino is a much more reliable ally than he initially assumed. all the while appearing as just The Straightforward 11th. like obviously id need to hear it voiced first to be sure but in text it v much gives the impression hes almost kinda just. playing up the threats towards arle and being "dumb" on Purpose?? to get the answers he wanted out of arle without appearing like hes fishing for anything particular. and i just hhhhhhhhhhh

i love when he does this so muchhhh!!!!!! 😭😭 he doesnt need to become some machiavellian schemer to be able to strategize !!!!!! he avoids scheming bc he Dislikes it not bc hes incapable of it like this has Always been the case Since Liyue AQ and i love whenever they show that side of himm . my Beloved

so anyway. while i do still think the like "pulcinella is bad and has his family hostage" is still kind of a generic plotline and i hope the writing regarding the whole thing wont ultimately turn out to be sth That simplified and black and white. its p clear theyre doing Something with pulcinellas motivations and as they are. im Really glad theyre letting it show that childes not just some completely passive party being manipulated in this all. he Is thinking abt this stuff and his position among the harbingers. ig we shall see where it goes - not the greatest fan of the concept still, but canon text supports it becoming a thing way more than when it was just scaras word we had for it. hope theyll surprise me positively w how they go about it!

then briefly for the rest uhh

also loved arle and childe just shittalking the rest of the harbingers it was amazing. i wasnt expecting this kinda dynamic between them at all but its great lmao. also i wanna see childe hang out w the HotH kids

as for project stuzha; so we dont really get anything solid on it other than being summoned back to snezhnaya for it is apparently a Big Deal. but still very interested. let my man have his endgame significance Trust

childes appearance was obviously v brief ultimately but that was clear from his leaked linecount to begin with - i am pretty satisfied with what they seem to have done w him. like its not The Best but also i wasnt expecting his lore to get some massive expansion in another harbingers SQ . the worst i feared was that it was just going to be a flashback of arle returning his vision which did Not happen so massive W. i am super hyped to hear this scene voice acted proper and happy to see him again, i really hope he gets to appear at least once more in an interlude or dains quest or something before going on hiatus again but idk if thats too much to ask LKKWJDJWDJWD

also: i am never changing my namecard after this patch drops. oh my godddddddd its So Fucking Beautiful 😭😭😭😭

But. Yeah. lots of good stuff. unfortunately lots of it will get misinterpreted and fanon will get obnoxious about it. but i still love getting to see him again and i am speedrunning that namecard day fucking one mutuals and/or followers in EU please add me (UID 711090267) ill need coop buddies for the world bosses

thank youuuuuuu for the ask i hope this monstrosity of a monologue doesnt scare u off 💀💀💀