#i know i'm just ranting from very far away and can't possibly understand it all

[notasapleasure]

A tale of two Georgias

Note: I wouldn't normally share subscriber-exclusive content from this news site, but I think Shota Kincha's opinions are too important to hide away in an exclusive email this time. If you're so minded, please consider supporting open journalism in the Caucasus anyway and sending some money OCMedia's way.

Highlighting is my own. Of course I support Georgia joining the EU, but absolutely not under conditions that ignore the recent rolling back of democratic freedoms.

---

By Shota Kincha, for OC Media.

On Wednesday, Georgians celebrated a long-awaited recommendation from the European Commission for their nation’s candidacy for EU membership, leaving the country’s candidacy pending just final approval from the heads of EU member states in mid-December. But the Commission’s assessment of the government’s ‘progress’ seemed to be based on wishful thinking, rather than its actions. 

On denying Georgia the status last year, the European Commission outlined 12 ‘priorities’ Georgia would need to address for the decision to be reconsidered — preconditions that largely reflected the spirit of the April 2021 agreement brokered by European Council President Charles Michel between the government and opposition groups.

When the unforeseen possibility for Georgia to formally apply for membership presented itself in early 2022, Georgia’s leadership had already failed on some of the key components of the previous year’s accord. 

Instead of addressing the ‘perception of politicised justice,’ an apparent euphemism for the imprisonment of opposition leaders, most notably Nika Melia in early 2021, the Georgian court imprisoned another prominent government critic, Nika Gvaramia, only five weeks before the European Commission was due to assess Georgia’s readiness for EU membership candidacy.

Instead of the ambitious judicial reform promised in the 2021 Michel deal and mentioned in the EU’s ‘12 priorities’ last year, the ruling Georgian Dream party has continued to shield corrupt judicial officials with a stranglehold on Georgian courts, resulting in more politicised administrative fines and criminal cases against civil activists, political leaders, media managers, or youth with ‘confused orientation’ who risked their freedom to defend Georgia’s pro-Western choice on the streets.

In the run-up to the European Commission’s latest decision on Georgia, the government and security services run by oligarch Bidzina Ivanishvili’s goons artificially created an anti-Western parliamentary group, gifted them private channel PosTV, and made violent extremist pro-Russian Alt Info immune to obstruction or challenge. 

If the last five years under Georgian Dream rule had been a steady decline in democratic freedoms, the government’s actions in the months since it applied to join the European Union — including their recent initiatives to clamp down on Georgia’s civil society and constrain protest — far surpassed any and all negative predictions.

But listening to President of the European Commission Ursula von der Leyen, one could have assumed she was discussing an entirely different country. 

Despite Georgia’s government persecuting free media, parroting Russian propaganda against the West, refusing to undertake institutional reforms in a way that included other groups and stakeholders, and satisfying only three of the twelve conditions set last year, the European Commission complimented them with no substantial criticism.

I do not believe the EU should approve Georgian membership candidacy later this year, as the move looks set to validate and entrench the government’s precipitous lurch towards authoritarianism. 

The European Commission’s approach may be based on the belief that denying Georgia candidate status could lead to Georgians becoming disillusioned with the EU and the West. But Georgians have been staunchly pro-Western for decades, perhaps even centuries. 

The real danger to Georgians’ trust in the West comes from the West’s indifference to anti-democratic moves by Georgia’s government, which, if left unchecked, will continue to use state institutions to slowly but steadily shift popular mood and policies towards Russia. 

Even were we to allow that recommending EU candidacy status was a justified decision in Georgia’s best interests, doing so did not obligate the institution’s leaders to legitimise the country’s government in the way they did.

Listening to the widely televised announcement by the European Commission on Wednesday, Georgians could reasonably have concluded that democratic backsliding, state capture by big capital, and a politicised judiciary are consistent with Georgia’s pro-Western aspirations, or that related warnings from local activists and media have been baseless or overblown. 

The announcement could also have created the impression that the ruling party has been delivering on reforms demanded by the EU, a powerful notion less than a year before the country’s next general elections. 

The truth is, however, that in inviting Georgia to join the club while neglecting to call out the government’s shortcomings, the EU is playing a dangerous game, and one it has played before. The EU does not want another Orban, and the South Caucasus definitely does not need another Aliyev.

I may be wrong: perhaps granting Georgia candidate status will still be a wise choice on the EU’s part. But even in its recommendation, the European Commission could have sent a clear message that business as usual would no longer be tolerated. 

What Georgia’s leadership heard instead will become abundantly clear in the coming months. 

[your-local-crypt1d]

So about your Papa Fwhip au, does Pixlriffs play much of a role in it?

Ohhhh Pix plays such an interesting role in this thank you for asking!!

Tommy and Pix, once they meet formally, get to have that spiderman into the spiderverse moment where they sense that they're like each other. Death prophets, that is.

Pix has been one of Lady Deaths' chosen for a very very long time. He's had the time to get used to the vivid visions and general unrest the presence of a seer can cause (I'm sure you've heard We Don't Talk About Bruno, that's how most people treat prophets)

Tommy only started getting his visions after his first canon life was lost, and it really freaked his friends out when he started talking about it. Tommy now tends to keep it to himself.

But Pix is happy to discuss whatever he sees, try to make sense of the vagueness and all.

When you're the king (or the count) of your lands, people tend to be respectful and kind to you 24/7, unless they're close friends and family. Tommy is an outlier, because he's tommyinnit. He's loud, he's rude (in a sense), he swears a lot, makes weird sexual innuendos and just generally acts like abrasive child.

Most would find him obnoxious, but I think Pix wouldn't mind all that much. He's met a lot worse in his life than a prickly teenager. It can also be hilarious when he goes on his weird rants or insists that sand is totally edible and very good for you, Pix you should eat some right now.

It's such a far cry from how everyone treats the copper king he can't help but find it a bit funny. Besides, Tommy can be very endearing, it's how he got fWhip so attached to him (and like several father figures before him).

Not many flowers grow out in the desert, not ones Pix thought possible could be turned into flower crowns, but somehow Tommy managed to make him a beautiful crown of desert lilies anyway. Pix is pretty sure that those flowers only bloom on cacti, and his suspicions were confirmed when he found many prickles all over Tommys' clothes and in his fingers.

If Pix wore that flower crown under his official copper crown until the flowers withered away, that's for him and his citizens to know.

The dsmp in this au is a galaxy land very far away thats cursed, once you enter you cannot leave. It's got a hodgepodge of different species cultures and traditions, and eventually a few of their own sparked on from L'manberg and other factions. All this to say, I think Tommy would be somewhat curious about Pixandrian culture, particularly the Vigil and their beliefs around Lady Death (he's only ever heard about her through Phil, it's nice to hear a different story for once)

Pix is also a Silly Guy™ and would absolutely encourage Tommys' more harmless shenanigans, maybe he'd help too but that's for him and Tommy to know.

I like to think Tommy would set up a candle at the vigil for Wilbur, simply saying its for his brother and not elaborating. Pix doesn't need him to say any more, though, he did have a family once upon a time, he understands.

I imagine Pix to be a good secret keeper, so when fWhip asks to keep quiet about the whole thing (he hasn't even told his siblings yet), Pix acquiesces, even offers to babysit here or there even fWhip needs. Not that Tommy is happy about that, whining about being a big man and not a child who needs babysitting.

Grandpa Pix (: he sneaks Tommy candy when fWhip says no (((:

Now for the angst (Cw for a brief discussion of a panic attack and some talk of mental health issues like psychosis. Don't feel like you need to read the rest if you can't!)

Pix was one of the first people to learn about Tommys' existence, entirely by accident. He had come to the Grimlands for his usual trade deal with fWhip (and also to check in on the count who looked more stressed than ever) only to meet Tommy in the worst way possible.

fWhip and Pix are in the middle of their meeting when Tommy calls out for fWhip in distress. All Pix really gets to see is fWhip calm Tommy down from a panic attack, mumbling about how he saw someone in the window, someone who was gonna hurt him again, and fWhip assuring him repeatedly that it wasn't real and nobody was gonna hurt him.

Pix was already curious about what was going on with fWhip, concerned mainly but also curious. fWhip had mentioned something about "someone he needed to look after now" during their last visit. Now he gets to meet that someone.

That someone being a child struggling with hallucinations and severe CPTSD...

That's why fWhips been exhausted, he's been staying up to keep an eye on Tommy in case he gets woken up by night terrors again. That's why fWhips been stressed, Sausage had similar issues growing up that I won't get into here but Pix is old enough to remember his adoption by fWhip and Gems' parents; he's old enough to remember a 12-year-old fWhip talking about how his new big brother is "very sick".

Part of Tommys' C-PTSD is hallucinations, usually visual ones of the people he knows or has killed. He often sees Dream through windows or in crowds, and it always triggers a panic attack for him.

That's partly why Pix offers to "babysit" him, what he really means is "be there if Tommy needs someone to calm him down from a breakdown".

[ijustreallylikecaptainamericaok]

How about 1, 15, 23 for the air your grievances ask game?

Hi! :-)

What's your biggest __[insert fandom]__ pet peeve(s)?

Oof, okay... I think my biggest pet peeve with the M/C/U fandom is how greedy certain pockets of it can be. When 80-95% of either the canon or fandom is catered to you, I don't get complaining so hard about the slim percentage that doesn't. It's infuriating. But I've talked about that a bunch in the past.

Something I don't think ever talked about is how this fandom drives me up the damn wall as a music nerd. The biggest example is folks describing the Guardians soundtracks/"Qu*ll's taste in music" as "80s music." No. No, they're not. They're mainly the 70s. I know, I counted, after the fandom nearly gaslit me into doubting my own knowledge. In fact, out of the trilogy, IW, the Gro/ot shorts, and the Holiday special, only Vol 3 and the Holiday special contain any 80s songs. (And for record, this isn't me shitting on the 80s or anything. I'm an 80s baby and love tons of music from that era. This is just me being an insufferable know-it-all, lol.)

Another one is constantly framing Sam's recommendation of Tro/uble Man as some kind of come on. Like, first of all, that album is mainly a score and the few lyrics that do exist on it are not sexy. Second of all, oh my God, there's more to Marvin than just sex jams, holy shit. It's very obvious that some are only familiar with stuff like "Let's get it on" and "Sexual Healing" and that's it and... I can't help it, that makes me so sad.

15. Name an aspect of __[insert character]__ that you think gets frequently overlooked in fanfiction characterizations/deserves more attention/exploration

I think fandom's really dropped the ball with post-EG Steve. We could've had sprawling epics with Steve creating timeline after timeline where he had full lives with every Av*nger and Guardian and whoever else and having D*ctor Who style adventures across space and time. But, noooope. Nada.

I'll also never understand how I've only ever seen one fic where Professor H*lk and Steve raise Baby!Scott. That's comedy gold, right there. And how the hell did Sh*-H*lk not spawn a ton of St*ve/Jen? Not to mention all the cool concepts WI? has given the fandom on a silver platter only for them to be completely ignored.

23. Share an unpopular opinion you have RE: __[insert fandom]__

At the risk of being skinned alive, I know that even people who don't ship St*cky romantically will say that they still love them as friends instead. And I... don't. I can't get into that dynamic, even platonically. Most of their relationship is told rather than shown and what little we are shown doesn't endear it to me at all. Fandom can scream "till the end of the line" until it's blue in the face, but that doesn't make up for its problems in the slightest. (And frankly, I think that was the main purpose of the line to begin with, but that's a whole other rant.) I mean, B*cky spends most of T/F/A coming off (to me) like a condescending prick towards Steve and then spends the rest of Steve's time in the films deliberately staying as far away as humanly possible. It feels very one-sided to me, overall. And why should I revere that period, but especially so when dynamics like the ones Steve has with S*m, N*t, and P*ggy exist? Dynamics where the love and respect is quite clearly mutual and they actively want to be in his life? There's just no contest as far as I'm concerned.

Now, in fairness, theirs isn't the only dynamic in the films that's way more tell than show nor is it the worst offender in terms of the discrepancy between what's told and what's shown, but again, those are other rants.

Sorry about this getting kinda long. I'd been holding that first rant in for a loooong time, lol, so thank you for sending this in and giving me the chance to finally get that off my chest. XD

Air Your Grievances Ask Game

[orionsangel86]

I would like to hear your GOmens opinions! I feel like the fandom is a mix of reasonable and bathshit dumb opinions.

Oh nonny I don't know if you truly do! My opinions are controversial at minimum and likely to get me cancelled by GO fandom at most!

*deep breath* Okay you asked for it. Don't come at me when you don't like what I have said.

I'll put this under a cut cos it'll no doubt get long and ranty and look fair warning to anyone clicking read more, these are JUST one person's opinions. We can disagree on those things. I'm not going around screaming at people that they are wrong and I've kept this all very close to my chest for a very long time now. So please take that with a pinch of salt before you decide to read my rant.

*sigh* this is probably a bad idea but here goes...

The thing is, I love analysing TV and film and literature, and I take an analytical view of things where I try to set myself apart as much as possible from the highly emotional volatile fandom response. (I dont always succeed in this but I try).

One thing I always stress is that characters in TV shows or movies are *not real people* and therefore you can't apply real people sensitivities to them. They are instead frankenstein mixes of what the creative team wants them to be, and every little decision about the characters is carefully thought out. Intention and interpretation matters. My view on a character is not an invalidation of a real persons identity. If I say a character is not X, that does not mean I think that real people who are X are not valid, or that I don't believe in their real life identity. Is this all clear so far? Okay.

Representation also matters and I have seen Good Omens fandom tie themselves up in a frenzie of policing fans and call out posts accusing anyone who wants more from AziraCrows relationship a whole multitude of x-phobics depending on the buzzword of the day. To the point that these fans have convinced themselves that a kiss or love declaration or ANYTHING from AziraCrow that would be considered more explicit than what we got in Season 1 is something they DON'T want because somehow that would take away from the *x-identity rep* theyve decided to claim as canon. But sadly these fans have rather deluded themselves because none of those identities are *canon* in season 1. Even the claims that AziraCrow are gender non conforming non binary etc are not *canon* because *canon* means that any dumbass regular audience member could watch the thing and say "oh. That character is x". Yes Crowley is Nanny Asteroth for a time, but a general audience is just going to view that as male Crowley in drag. Sorry but its the truth. They see David Tennant playing Crowley, they see a male actor playing Crowley, they are gonna view Crowley as a male. Unless it is textually stated by Crowley that he isn't male, then they aren't gonna get it and it isn't the rep you want it to be, because representation should mean that everyone ELSE also notices and learns to understand about those marginalised identities.

Take Sandman. Very gay. Very very gay. So gay that people from the dumbass general audience (the DGA going forward) went online to complain about it being gay because the gay was so very obvious to them, so obvious in fact they claimed *every* character in Sandman was gay and having gay sex and I'll be honest it left me rather disappointed when Morpheus didnt fuck Hob Gadlings brains out in episode 6 like he clearly wanted to, but I digress.

Take OFMD, Jim is a canonical non binary character and the show makes this clear in the canon text without ever having Jim say they are "non binary" or have the clumsy awkward explanation that is clearly for the DGA about it, but instead the conversation flows naturally - are you a woman? I don't know. Are you a man? I don't know. I'm just Jim. Okay Just Jim. We will refer to you by they/them pronouns now. It's all cool.

But Crowley and Aziraphale are characters played by male actors who always use he/him pronouns. Even as Nanny Asteroth no one ever refers to the nanny as "she". So its not clear to the DGA. Them being asexual may be a valid headcanon, but its not canon if its never mentioned. If at some point someone said something to Zira about sex and he said "oh I don't go in for that sort of thing" then sure, that's got some canon merit to it, but otherwise Good Omens can NOT be applauded for being good asexual representation on television.

If your general audience of braindead heteronormative idiots isnt seeing it, its not technically canon. Its implied, subtextual, queer coded, hinted at, etc, but not *canon*. Its not gonna get a GLAAD nomination for representation and a bunch of queer journalists writing articles about it if its only *subtext*.

I don't recall any of the queer media people applauding Good Omens for being queer representation. I recall them all sort of scratching their heads being like "is it...?" and I recall a lot of people getting rather annoyed because NG took a stance online proclaiming that it was an obvious love story when really, from just watching the show... it kind of wasn't?

God this is gonna get me so much hate... *sigh* okay look. I adore season 1. I was totally with you guys celebrating how queer it all seemed to me and loving NGs responses on Twitter to anyone questioning the "friendship" between Az+Crow. I was also online getting wrapped up in the fandom echo chamber claiming it was 100% canon and anyone who didn't see it was a homophobic moron or whatever... yeah... but I've grown up a lot since 2019 surprisingly - the whole Destiel going "canon" and then getting shoved forcefully back into the metaphorical closet was a big eye opener and everything changed after November 5th 2020.

Suddenly, what Az+Crow had in season 1 wasn't enough anymore. It should never have been enough to begin with. I recall my very first watch and how I was seeing all the subtext and coding and clear romantic tropes build and build and then we got to that final scene in the ritz and all I wanted was for them to take each others hands, I watched with eager anticipation and... it didn't happen. I can vividly recall the disappointment I felt at that moment. I didn't need a kiss, or a declaration, but I wanted them to hold hands in that scene. They got so close! Zira leans in and places his hand on the table right by Crowley and my GOD it was like being edged without the pay off. I hated it. I HATED it because it would have been SO EASY but they didn't do it.

I also recall getting quietly annoyed at NG for claiming they held hands on the bus. I watched the slowed down zoomed in gifs of that moment and sorry, but no. They don't. Even if the actors actually DID hold hands, the camera doesn't pick it up clearly enough for it to mean a damn thing.

I totally understand people claiming that Az+Crow are already queer. It's totally valid to see yourself in them and want them to represent you. But the painful truth is that in season 1 of the show, they aren't anything of what you claim them to be. They are two characters who are male presenting who are very good friends to the point that its all a bit homoerotic. The DGA isn't gonna take any time to think about the complexities of angel and demon gender or the lack thereof, they are only gonna see two male actors playing said angel and demon. They aren't gonna think about you and your identity, and they aren't gonna pick up the subtext even if it is painfully obvious. Because they won't see it as gay unless it is explicitly gay.

But Saz, why should we care what the DGA thinks?

Because thats what this whole argument has always been about. Because that's what canon means. No one, not even the DGA are arguing today about whether or not Castiel is gay. No one in the DGA is arguing about Stede and Blackbeard, or Lucius. No one is arguing about the Corinthian or Johanna Constantine. They see that these characters are queer, they accept it. Simple. Because of this, it counts towards representation. Because it normalises our identities. By putting our identities into mainstream stories in such a way that they are unavoidable for the DGA, THAT is what representation is.

When characters and stories keep our identities buried in subtext and allusions and queer coding which quite frankly should have been left in the hays code era, it doesn't count towards representation, no matter what your fandom echo chamber may scream into the void. Or, for that matter, what your creator and fantasy genre author may claim in the void either.

Word of God may help us in a lot of ways, but if they aint putting it into the actual text, then word of god is meaningless in terms of representation as well. Disney claiming Valkyrie was bisexual doesn't mean a damn thing if she never discusses her bisexuality or has any scenes where she shows interest in the same sex. Thankfully that changed in the latest movie, but for a long time it was a problem.

Okay then. So what am I saying? Was NG queerbaiting us with AziraCrow in season 1?

No. Gods I hate that word. Queerbaiting is only occurring when the creators involved maliciously add queer subtext with the explicit intention of gaining popularity among queer audiences specifically with no intention to reward them by actually making those characters queer.

Now, I may not agree with people who claim Crowley and Aziraphale are explicitly queer in season 1, but I also don't think NG ever intended GO to be a queer show. He made GO to be a popular fantasy show as a last wish for his friend Terry Pratchet. He made it extremely faithful to the book in every way (in some ways, to the detriment of the show) and that includes keeping AziraCrows relationship in safe platonic territory. Yes he ramped up the romantic subtext, but I fully believe that this was because he had already decided he was going to further develop the story if season 1 was a hit, but I don't think for a second that he predicted that it would gain such massive traction in queer fandom circles.

No malicious intent to utilise the queer community, no queerbaiting. So lets just stamp down on that accusation once and for all. It's bullshit.

But that changes in season 2. So here is where I have been getting annoyed at GO fandom lately with all this "we don't need it to be explicit! A kiss would invalidate my identity! If they do anything it'll take away from ace rep! etc etc" SHUt UP!

Why do all these fans think kissing is something ace people don't do? Why would an innocent kiss invalidate ace rep? Are you HEARING YOURSELVES?! and okay, even if you are an ace person who does not ever kiss, are you so opposed to words of affirmation too? Are you a hater of love declarations now? Why is THAT such a terrible thing? You are deluding yourselves, and I get why. You are trying to protect yourselves from disappointment because you have spent 4 years screaming at people online and policing people who dare to say that AziraCrow aren't already canonically together and in love and have somehow tied your own identity into these characters to the point that you are frightened that season 2 might disprove your words and somehow invalidate your identity. Gods forbid if they DO kiss now you have lost the precious representation you claimed was so important to you right? But its NOT the case!

If nothing happens in GO S2 then it WOULD be queerbaiting. For the FIRST TIME. Because NG knows now how important AziraCrow's relationship is to the queer fans and he himself has been claiming its a love story for 4 years. If he didn't put his money where his mouth is and make them explicitly canonically queer and together in season 2 then I'm sorry but it would very much be queerbaiting. Keeping the loud queer fanbase on tenterhooks, getting them all excited so that GO trends on social media and then NOT following through? That's CLASSIC QUEERBAITING.

But NG isn't doing that. Because they are going to be together. Because it will be explicitly queer. Because even the trailer indicates this is the case. The season 1 GO trailer didn't include any of the romantic subtext if I recall correctly, it was solely promoted as a silly fantasy show. The season 2 trailer leans into the romance. It'll be explicitly clear - because I don't think NG is stupid enough to not go through with it. I understand why he didn't in season 1, there was a lot more at stake and he wanted to keep it totally 100% faithful to the book, but season 2 is a blank page, open book, nothing stopping it from happening. Plus, in 2023, in a post Destiel confession, post OFMD world, not going there would be just the most idiotic bad for business move the man could make.

So can GO fans please stop making bad faith arguments about why AziraCrow shouldn't be more explicitly together in season 2? Because I'll be honest, it is coming across less like you wanna protect the supposed "Ace representation" and more like maybe you are just uncomfortable with the idea of two middle aged male actors being physically intimate on screen.

Also if NG doesn't have the balls to go through with it, then can y'all please stop protecting him? I love the guy. I do. I think he is a talented genius who has done more for the fantasy genre than anyone else alive today. But gods, if he doesn't let AziraCrow at least confirm to themselves or other people that they have non platonic feelings for each other, in such a way that the DGA understands that this is a non platonic love story, then he deserves all the angry asks and queerbaiting accusations he will inevitably get. Personally, I don't think he's that dumb. So perhaps his fans can also have a bit more faith in him too.

**to anyone who may want to address the spoiler in this post, please don't. I am aware of it and have chosen in this ask to not acknowledge it so that all fans can read this, besides, the spoiler itself does not actually change anything I have mentioned here especially with some of the daft theories I have seen surrounding it.**

Okay I'm done. Rant over. Proceed to cancel me if you must.

[ghxsts-haven]

Our system was fakeclaimed by those awful subreddits. A bit ago and even a few weeks ago. We didn't see the one from a few weeks ago. But like. It's made us seriously paranoid of posting anything about our tbmc, programming, ramcoa. That we feel constantly watched. When those accounts were made as safe spaces for that shit.

That now if we dare utter it, we just get so paranoid of being watched. Terrified that our programmer will see it and find us.

But we NEEDED that safe space to be able to process it. And it makes us feel so isolated and alone. We aren't experiencing worse denial or anything. But it triggers our paranoia so bad. Especially since we have a history of harassment online, unrelated to things, most useless stuff like fandoms and all. But still. We've been fakeclaimed a lot for too many disorders, for being a programmed system, for having our fictive alters be the main Frontera and venters for this shit. Yeah. Cause every non-fictive alter is extremely personal and often more related to our tbmc and shit. The fictives are the easiest to front because they're more of a representation of our trauma and don't hold any actual trauma most of the time.

And just. Being posted and fakeclaimed, misconstrued and made to seem like we're saying every single possible alter we have is programmed, and other bs like that. While also being infantilized as just a seriously messed up probably autistic person led down the DID rabbit hole has fucked us up. It has given us worse issues and worsened our silence. When we have no professional help. When we are reliant on online safe spaces to vent and rant.

Even though it's passed largely, it forever triggers our paranoia. And as we deal with our programming, it leaves us feeling trapped. Unable to talk about it, but needing to. I fucking hate those assholes. And I fucking hate how much it has damaged our system online. When we are trying to heal our fear of online spaces and have a place to be able to vent and open up. We never reveal too much cause of our paranoia, but the fact that we have no choice and can't stop those subreddits triggers all kinds of other issues with harassment and bullying we've had growing up. And knowing damn well trying to stand up for yourself will just yield more mockery. So ignoring them is the best. I'm just so hurt and angry. Especially since it has worsened us a lot. During one of our most vulnerable times especially with a lot of other irl struggles too.

It makes us so fucking mad. And we hate that it's just a reality for systems online and especially ramcoa and programmed systems.

I'm so sorry that's happened.

We had a similar experience being fakeclaimed for our splitting- but never our RAMCOA and Programming (thankfully).

Knowing that people out there seek out people's blogs and posts, just so they can post it and laugh at horrific abuse. At torture. It's very understandable it causes paranoia. It does for us too. The people finding these though, often stumble upon them a few times then move on to the next person to be despicable to. It doesn't change the damage, but they DO move on and forget.

I'm glad it's lessened for you, but I understand the scar that can leave.

I want you to know that even though you get posted to these spaces, if you have Internet safety (never sharing your face, name, etc) your programmers cannot find you. I know it's a terrifying thought and we've dealt with it ourself, but it's not possible to find someone without a LOT of work and knowledge.

Whether you're free of them or not, you'll be safe from them online as long as you keep what may make you vulnerable within safe circles.

I hope that one day you can feel free enough to speak more openly, and you deserve that.

Fakeclaimers cannot take your lived experiences away from you. A small bit of advice I can offer is staying far away from checking those spaces- we used to, to check if we'd been posted again, but it isn't healthy to have a hypothetical in the forefront of your mind, when you should focus on healing.

This will always be a safe space for you, I hope you know that. Anon you're always welcome to come back here.

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 2x05 Melora thoughts (rewatching; spoilers for future episodes possibly included) Admittedly, I'm Not Looking Forward To This, iirc it's pretty cringe... welp let's go

Ughhhh the "she's extraordinary" type of ableism, not a good start... And just Julian being weirdly into her from a medical pov, are these the same writers who wrote Geordie being creepily into Leah without ever meeting her?I

t is very, very good that she's allowed to be angry about microagressions though. She's not particularly likeable but that's not a bad thing, and he's allowed to explain herself to Sisko and to us. Evenif not intentional, I think this is a good way to challenge viewers and make us sit in some discomfort if that makes sense?

I get where you're coming from, Melora, but surely you must understand that working as a team is something important for all Starfleet personnel to have to do?

Not a fan of Julian just going into her room, and I don't know how to feel about the way he's taking to her - it kind of feels intrusive but it is also genuinely friendly and also very normal, he is just treating her like anyone else (that he has a crush on) (he has a crush on everyone though right?)

I can't say I'm a fan of the romance subplot, but I think that's because it feels rushed - which is honestly any Star Trek romance with a one-off character. She clearly likes getting to know him too, I do not think he's taking advantage in any way?

I LOVE her "I can't eat this Julian" *proceeds to rant in Klingon*. She played him well, she knew exactly what she was doing. 👌👌 She'd get on well with Jadzia

Ooh, interesting to hear Julian's backstory pre-augment-reveal. It really does mesh.

("I heard the ball go past me and I realised I wasn't good enough to play tennis properly" ...or you realised you wouldn't be able to disguise how good you were?)

She's so graceful :3 It is sweet they both get to laugh at how clumsy Julian is, I actually really like this scene and the role-reversal. It's obvious, but nice?

Honestly the real villain of this is Cardassion architecture. But also sucks that Starfleet have been here a year and it's not accessible yet? Some future utopia...

I really hope that information was told before she started the treatment, seems pretty important to only be telling her now?! I'm guessing for dramatic effect?

Yeah, I'm okay with them getting together actually, it's less creepy than I remember. If it wasn't a quick-one-shot-romance I don't think there'd be anything wrong with Julian being her doctor - he's everyone's doctor on the station. It's just more noticeable because her plot centres so heavily around having medical needs and the romance is side-by-side the treatment.

I know it's 'cause they have to fit it in an episode, but Julian's far too prone to rushing into medical treatment too quickly when he's excited to try it out. I don't think he's pressuring her exactly, I just wish we saw more of the explanations because it feels like everything is far too quick. A decision like this shouldn't be made straight away!

Ohh, at least he's checking in - "If you're not certain..." "I am." *doubt* "Tell me exactly what you're feeling." And it seems like the gravity thing *was* discussed pre-treatment I guess.

Hmmmm this feels very "disabled people need to be fixed and can't have independence if they're not able-bodied" idk...

I'm fairly certain she doesn't die? But I will be PISSED if she does.

Oooh, I was worried she was going to save the day by forcing herself to her limits within gravity, or not be able to save them and be like "if only my legs worked like a high-gravity humanoid". But no, she changed the fight to be on her terms! Nice!

"Maybe independence isn't all it's cracked up to be. I kind of like how it feels to depend on someone for a change." This is actually such a good ending though??

So it was a bit bumpy at times, but not NEARLY as bad as I thought it would be. Honestly, I like them as a couple. Most of my complaints come from it being a lots-of-time-needed-plot being squished into one episode - can you imagine how good this could have been over a few episodes with a regular character, and romance only starting *after* the self-acceptance?

[caralara]

sometimes i wonder if i'm a bad person or lack integrity for.. well staying lol. cause🤷‍♀️ i am here to stay, i think. (i mean sure, it can always change but i think i only ever leave "places" when there's disengagement (aka i've been a fan of people who just,, stepped away lmao or of a show that ended lol).

ugh idk what i'm saying but maybe i can't tell if i'm just that convinced about it ending up being okay after all (as in we're right about them as people mostly) oR if i just don't want to force myself out of something i'm enjoying and supporting for the most part

sorry for the rant lol

Hi anon, no need to apologise!!

I’d like to say, first off - the fact that you do question yourself is a really good sign. It means you entertain the possibility of being wrong, and recheck your beliefs. That is really good, bc it keeps you from blindly believing things that perhaps are outdated. But, just like me, you keep arriving at the same conclusion: it is highly unlikely Louis is Freddie’s biological father.

Secondly, I very much understand what you’re saying. Where to draw the line? It’s hard to tell and for everyone it is different. I’d generally say using a child for whatever means is unethical. Yet, this situation isn’t as simple as that - Louis is closeted, and had little choice as to how to navigate his life & relationships back then. He is not doing it just for shits and giggles. He’s trying to navigate through it, in a way to ultimately end it, for his own sake and the child’s (that’s what I believe). And that is incredibly difficult, complex and intricate. When do they deem it enough? Where do they draw the line?

In the end, I have my believes and I trust Louis, because of what I’ve seen so far of him, his actions and values, he’s one of the kindest and good men I know to exist. He is human, he makes mistakes, but to me - that’s okay. The good vastly outweighs the bad in my eyes.

So yeah, I totally get where you’re coming from, and I do sometimes ask myself this as well. But as of now, I will still support him, and I don’t really see myself stopping soon.

[nsk96]

Personal rant:

The future is looking bleak for me. Tonight my mom wanted me to look up this video on youtube, but on our tv. Using the TV remote to type is a pain in the ass because you have to scroll across the letters using arrow buttons, which take forever. And the video she wanted me to look up was a snippet from an old bollywood movie with one of the longest ass titles I've seen. I don't even speak the language so typing would take me a very long time and likely some cramping along the way. I told her "no, I'm tired". I didn't even give her an attitude nor was rude. I only walked away when she kept pushing despite me saying no.

she knows how to use said remote and app. She just wants me to do it because "she'll take too long". B.S. she handles it just fine with the TV in her room.

I'm fucking exhausted I don't want to do it. I spent yesterday and today sitting in a small room at my rotation site working on the computer all day, freezing my ass off. Then had to come home to hop onto a zoom meeting where I had to write notes at 100mph. I do nearly everything she asks of me; can I just relax tonight?

Guess what, since I refused, she had my dad do it anyway. I don't understand how she keeps acting like she can't use technology even though I'm always teaching her. It's like she doesn't want to learn.

And she made a big deal of me not wanting to do it. She "hmph!" like 3 times and then said, "I see what I have to look forward to," not directly to me, but in a passive aggressive way meant to either guilt-trip me or shame me.

Um...funny she would use the words "look forward to". Not just because it's obvious she expects me to take care of her when she's old and frail, but because she ain't there yet and expects me to perform that level of care already???? When she is fully capable to do this thing herself?

I refuse her once and this is how she acts? I think she's gotten spoiled. I do nearly everything she asks of me, as well as things she doesn’t ask of me like making her breakfast and bringing her food/snacks. Even letting myself be tortured through pharmacy school because a pharmacist career is what she wanted for me. And now I see what I have to look forward to. Am I going to have to face emotional abuse every time she doesn't get her way?

Did she only raise me to be her caretaker?

And now I have to worry about catching up with studying for NAPLEX on top of worrying about the probability I won't get residency because

My current rotation preceptor doesn't seem to like me much. So I'm not expecting a recommendation letter there. And I don't know how I'm supposed to build a relationship if she's too busy to talk.

My next rotation doesn't seem to even want me there. I have two rotations there. Preceptor #2 dropped me like 2 months ago, so I had to rush to find another (for context, we scheduled our rotations a year ahead. Finding another one in such a short space of time is very difficult). Now preceptor #1 didn't even reply to my email.

I need about 3 letters of recommendation from hospital pharmacists to apply for residency. I don't see it happening if this is the way things are going so far.

I don't know if I'll even be able to attend midyear. A resident at my current rotation recommended I do a presentation at midyear to increase my chances, but I don't know how I'm going to do that when I have these quizzes due for a NAPLEX prep class and I have to study in order to pass these quizzes. I don't know how I'm gonna have any study time with the commute times I'll be facing with my next rotations. I have to get at least a 70% on these quizzes or I'll fail the course. I don't know for sure if my school would hold me back a year for not passing these quizzes, but it sounds possible.

And as if it wasn't bad enough dealing with memory issues. I discontinued the topiramate a few months ago, but yet I'm still struggling to remember things. I forget some things literally 30 seconds after hearing them. A lot worse than before I started the med. I posted that topiramate meme I made to reddit, and someone replied stating that they're still have memory issues after stopping this med 4 years ago.

I heard that good grades isn't the only thing residency directors look for. They also look for "personality." I seem to lack both because I don't know how to connect with people without running the risk of trauma dumping on them :/

Thanks mom and pop for giving me said trauma and for blocking my every attempt to mend my mental health. "You don't need to see someone", my mom said. "it can wait until you get a job," she said.

If I offed myself, my mom would be the first to say she didn't see it coming, or she'd make it all about herself and what she could have done, despite not listening to me and minimizing/dismissing my distress every time I was vocal about it. What part of "I need to see someone" from a person who never asks for help, translates to "it's not urgent. It can wait until I get a job."

Not that I plan to...but I do get to desire to just run off to an isolated location just to feel safe. It's been stressful dealing with all of this on top of the shit going on with my dad. I don't see how living in an apartment by myself is any more dangerous than living with my dad? Which my mom seems to think it is. The major difference she doesn't seem to grasp is that living here, the threat is coming from the inside.

I'm tired

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I get what you mean, re that post about feeling sad/weird when a woman you think is also a lesbian has a boyfriend. In a similar boat, i'm in my late 20s and my friends are getting married and I feel more isolated than ever, especially since some of these friends identified as lesbians when I met them but then "met the one man"/met their "exception". I can't say anything about it without sounding like an asshole and I truly am happy for them finding love, but I feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know a single lesbian in real life anymore. I feel very alone.

I’m so sorry you are going through this anon. I know I can’t take this pain away, and I know I can’t fix anything, but please know I hear you and I’m sending you lots of love 💕 And I hope with all my heart that this is something that doesn’t weigh you down and hurt you forever. I know that’s easier said then done, but I hope it for you none the less. And I believe in you. I believe in you so much. You’ve got this and I just know you’ll find happiness, in whatever form that may take. It may take a while, and maybe it won’t end up looking like everyone else’s , and that’s a whole other bucket of hurt I know, but regardless I know deep down you WILL find happiness. It’s such a shame lesbians have to be so strong , and I wish we didn’t have to be, BUT we are made of sturdy stuff. You are a blessing solely and fully just as you are - you are beautiful, and the happiness you build for yourself one day will be just as equally beautiful. I know it will. But until then, I’m sending you my love and giving you the biggest air hug I possibly can. Being a lesbian is so hard sometimes, but I like to think that maybe it’s so heavy because the blessing are worth it. And I hope your future happiness is worth it - however that may look. And I hope you are able to find either people or places that let you be weak, so you don’t have to be strong anymore. So you can be soft and relish in the comfort and beauty of your personhood. 💕💕💕

I also 100% get what you mean on those conflicting emotions. Because on the one hand it’s so wonderful these people have found and have gotten to a place where they accept and understand their sexuality in it’s entirety. And obviously we aren’t owed anything from them. BUT in saying that it can be really lonely seeing people who once though we’re like you be able to enter a type of love you don’t understand. I can’t speak for you, but I know for me it can spend me into a spiral sometimes over if there is something I’m just not doing right to be attracted to men. And obviously thats no ones fault. It’s just a sad side affect of the world we live in.

And I can imagine for you it’s especially hard since you don’t know any single irl lesbians. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m still sort of in the pit where seeing lesbian couples can make be feel pretty low. Like looking at someone who won the lottery and just thinking that’s never going to be me, there isn’t anyone left. Everyone is already taken or not like me. And that sucks. It really does. And I’m sorry you feel that way too. I know it might not mean an awful lot coming from me, considering my rants lol, but there isn’t anything wrong with you. You are okay just as you are. I can’t promise you love or relationships and I can’t take that pain away, and you are allowed to feel angry and sad and cheated over that, but thing I can promise you is that there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all.

I’m sorry you feel so lonely. Genuinely loneliness is such a horrible and all consuming emotion. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I’m so proud of you for making it this far despite that. And I hope you can be proud of yourself one day too. I also hope this loneliness is one that doesn’t stay with you too long. I don’t know you personally and obviously I can’t promise anything, but anon you seem really in touch with your emotions and open to connections, so I truly feel connection will find you. And I’m not just saying that either, I truly believe this is a loneliness that won’t last forever. People like you are bound to draw people to them - and I hope that day comes soon. So please keep believing in yourself and having the bravery to feel lonely. Acknowledging that feeling takes a lot of courage , but because you acknowledge it you are that much closer to it one day being bridged. So please hold out for that. Kind souls meet kind people and I can tell you are very kind. 💕

I’m sorry you are struggling with this , but thank you for popping in and sharing your story. I hope you have a beautiful and wonderful day and do something kind for yourself. And just know I’m giving you a big hug!! You’ve got this 💕💕💕💕💕

[scarlettriot]

♡ R A N T ♡ I N C O M I N G ♡

I'm mad as fork that I cannot actually comment back to the person who decided to message me a grevance on one of my fics because they were a minor who apparently doesn't understand the meaning of 'do not interact' BUT I am still mad and would like to address this just in case anyone else shares this persons opinion:

I cannot and will not speak for every fan fic author out there but I will speak for myself. Sure, I've thrown together a couple thousand words in an hour or less before and posted it with not much thought going into it. Guilty. But most of my work, especially my chapter fics, I have put MONTHS (going on a full year now) of work into those fics.

I have pulled all-nighters writing, I have bugged the living hell out of my moots and friends with ideas far more than I probably should (you guys are the best and I love you so damn much). I have written thousands of words to highlight and delete it all because it didn't 'feel right' to me. I have scenes and plots that might never see the light of day because I just can't find a place to include them.

So, whatever work/thought you think I've put in, I assure you, it's actually SO MUCH MORE!

If you do not feel like you can relate to the Reader in my story for whatever reason, never you mind the fact that I overthink far more than I should to make my Readers as inclusive as possible, if you cannot picture yourself in the story and it ruins the experience for you then I invite you to not continue reading. Just move along. I cannot appease absolutely everyone and it's taken me a very long while to accept that. So, please, just click away, block me or the story if you must, I will not be offended. Just do not tell me I was careless and put no thought into someone's feelings.

Thank you and have a lovely day.

((as for what was said, I'll post it below if interested--will contain mild spoilers for my chapter fic, She Lit a Fire))

In this story specifically I made the Reader related to Tamaki. I made them cousins and gave no other physical descriptors of the Reader other than she has pointed ears and some scars on her body due to an accident in her past.

The person who messaged me had an issue because Tamaki is obviously Japanese. I am assuming the person who messaged me is a POC or trying to defend POCs because they said they could not relate to Reader because of the relation to Tamaki since that isn't what they look like and I should've clearly stated in the contents section that was the relation.

*deeply inhales*

I AM WRITING THE STORY & INSERT MYSELF INTO IT ALL THE DAMN TIME & I SURE AS HECK AM NOT JAPANESE EITHER!

Aside from being pale, I don't look like him. Then again, I don't even look like most of my IRL cousins!

I do feel bad that this took them so far out of the story that they couldn't enjoy it though.

As a writer, my most important goal is to create a story that my reader can feel immersed and enjoy the tale that I've created. As a fic writer though, writing mostly Y/N's and Readers, I cannot tailor them to every person's exact specifications. I wish I could. But it isn't possible unless someone wants to start sliding me a whole lotta money.

I just, I care a lot about these fics, like, way more than most people probably realize. This one specifically is just super close to my heart and I know I made Reader have more of a backstory and personality to grant the story more depth thus she has some OC qualities about her, but I still try to keep her appearance as vague as possible as well as provide summaries and warnings before each chapter so people are very aware of what they're getting into.

So, I apologize for the rant, especially since the person who needs to see it won't. I just kinda felt like they came after my child and I needed to defend them.

I'd also like to point out that I did state Reader was related to a canon, established character in the two chapters prior to the one it was reveled in. For the sake of the story though, I did not mention who the character was or the relation.

[enluv]

enhypen finding out/meeting your idol!brother

— maknae line x fem!reader

warnings: nothing really! pretty fluffy :) but a bit long (sorry)

coco's note: this is a continuation of my first part, I decided to split it into two since each part got a bit long 😬 but nonetheless I hope you enjoy <3

◜sunoo◞

brother – keeho (p1harmony)

Sunoo loves you but if he hears you fangirl over P1Harmony's comeback one more time he will lock you in the dorms broom closet, no regrets at all. Does that sound kinda mean? Yeah? Well, he doesn't care! Not one bit. His comeback is soon but you had yet to utter a word about it, of course you didn't know that it was soon but still he was upset and not thinking rationally so when he storms off amidst another one of your excited rants, you're a bit unsure of what's going on and why he's upset. Asking the members proved to be of no help since apparently none of them knew why he was in a sour mood...well almost none of them. From the look on Niki's face you could tell he knew something you didn't and was desperately trying to hide it, but alas he could never lie to his favorite noona so he spilled everything, from Sunoo's jealousy to his hurt, and to say you felt bad was an understatement. So off you were to cheer him up and maybe explain the situation a little better. Finding him wasn't hard, he'd locked himself away in the dorms main room laying back facing the door, head phones shoved into his ears to block out any sound, so instead of just outright saying it, you text him — explaining that yes you're excited about another groups comeback but only because your older brother is in the group and you want to support him. His reaction is priceless, mouth agape and eyes as wide as saucers. He'll apologize for his behavior and even ask to meet Keeho because he thinks they'd get along well. (spoiler alert: they do! often leaving you out of their weekly tea spilling dates)

◜jungwon◞

brother – choi beomgyu (txt)

The minute your name falls from his hyungs mouth he's whipping his head around the corner to make sure he heard right because Beomgyu couldn't possibly be talking about you, right? Well he is and he seems to be complaining about you to none other than his other hyung Taehyun. First, Jungwon is seriously baffled because what could you have possibly done to piss off someone you've never met before? Absolutely nothing! Second, maybe Beomgyu is mistaken and just has the wrong person, so maybe he should also go and help correct him? He doesn't want to come off as disrespectful but he can't have one of his favorite hyungs complaining about his girlfriend, it just doesn't work that way, so as he stalks over to the two older boys he contemplates how to approach the situation. Taehyun is the first to spot him and he greets him with a smile and a nod. Beomgyu follows this while gesturing towards him, "Honestly Jungwon I don't know how you put up with her, she's so mean!" Now Jungwon is confused because what the hell is going on and who is she? "Well she's his girlfriend, I'm sure she's much nicer to him," replies Taehyun for him, leaving him even more confused. "Who are we talking about?" he asks turning back towards Beomgyu, and when he answers with "my sister? your girlfriend," poor boys face falls. He'd never once realized that you two shared a last name, and undeniable facial features, so the second he walks away from the conversation he calls you hoping for some kind of clarity that yes, he was crazy and no you were not related to his hyung. Luck mustn't have been in his favor because when you confirm that your older brother is indeed Beomgyu, poor baby just shuts down, he truly doesn't understand how he never put two and two together.

◜niki◞

brother – park jimin (BTS)

Niki admires Jimin, it's a known fact to everyone. From his dancing to his singing, he loves it all. Of course you being his girlfriend you're prone to knowing this information and thus have an upper hand since well said guy that your boyfriend loves and admires just so happens to be your older brother. So asking him to surprise Niki for his birthday wasn't all that hard. Keeping the surprise a surprise proved to be otherwise. He knew you'd gotten him something, he'd heard your hushed whispers with his hyungs and even saw the glances from member to member. Being the (not so) slightly impatient boy he was he sought out on a tiny adventure to catch a glimpse of his present. Niki knew it was wrong but the tiny voice in his head kept telling him to do it so he listened with no objections. He wasn't very good at being secretive with his plan so you caught on immediately, finding it fun to leave him literally clues/hints about it as the days passed and it got closer to his day. So far he'd fallen into your trap with the clues and believed thag each day he was closer but he was not. You and the boys sent him on a wild goose chase of thoughts so he couldn't spoil the surprise and by the time his birthday day had arrived he was very very surprised. There standing not even two feet away from him was his idol, hugging you, his girlfriend. All kinds of thoughts and questions raced through his mind about what could possibly be happening, and all were answered once the words, "this is my brother, you might know him," left your mouth. Needless to say Niki had a blast during his party, and when you two arrive back at his dorm later, he has a list of questions to ask you.

coco's final note: and that was the maknae lines! as I said in the first part, I do hope you enjoy these <3 it's been a while since I've written this much so I'm glad I was able to do it!

[jediken0bi]

Boundaries

Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary:

When JJ makes an offhand comment about Spencer not being particularly fond of physical touch to his girlfriend it causes a bit of a misunderstanding.

word count: 3180

-

Ever since you and Spencer decided to ditch your colleagues for the third time in a row to watch Doctor Who at his place instead, which resulted in him awkwardly admitted to liking you at the end of the night, you two have been practically inseparable. You knew that Spencer was shy when it comes to physical affection from the start but you also knew that a huge part of it was the lack of said affection throughout his life.

Often times he looks surprised when you hug him or kiss him with no particular reason in mind other than that you wanted to.

It's like he's used to only experiencing soft touches in the context of challenging and heartbreaking events happening to him.

You were set on changing that. You're going to make up for all the people who have failed to treat him with the love he deserves.

So far he hasn't stopped you from trying either. You cuddle him every chance you get, you kiss him whenever the opportunity presents itself and the environment allows it, you hold his hand while you're on the jet. You make sure Spencer is on board for all of this though.

You always ask him if he's okay with it before. The last thing you want is for Spencer to feel uncomfortable with you.

He's never denied you though and your question is always received with a big smile on his face.

Despite being very responsive to your touches Spencer doesn't allow himself to outright ask for them. Your best guess is that it comes from a long line of people denying him these simple pleasures. The thought breaks your heart.

You two were in the elevator on your way to meet the rest of the team in the bullpen when it all sort of went south.

You were holding hands with Spencer and he subconsciously squeezes your hand a little once the doors open. You give him a smile and lean up to press a small kiss to his cheek.

He immediately turns bright red and you giggle. He's given up on asking you for their reasons. He's starting to accept that you like kissing him and that's reason enough.

He grins at you and you let go of your grip on his hand. You both walk to your respective desks and stuff your go bags under them.

Before you can make your way back to Spencer you spot JJ across the room seemingly headed straight to your desk.

You know JJ is Spencers best friend and while you admittedly had a hard time accepting that your boyfriends best friend was a woman he used to have a crush on, you decided that you had absolutely no reason not to trust Spencer. He was happy with you and JJ was married with kids after all. Hell, Spence is their godfather. There's no need to worry about either of them having feelings for the other. You're sure of it"

Plus, you really like JJ. She was the hardest to win over simply because she and Spencer were so close but she never treated you with hostility. She was kind and respectful but kept you at distance until she was sure you were right for Spencer. You would've been upset if you weren't so happy someone was looking out for him after all.

"Good morning JJ" you greet her happily.

It really had been a good morning.

You and Spencer woke up earlier than usual to eat breakfast together. He made you pancakes!

Or, at least he tried. They were a bit burned but you told him that they were the best pancakes you have ever had. And you meant it.

He, of course, turned bright red and refused to take the compliment so you shut him up with a kiss.

A kiss that said 'Thank you for making me breakfast. I love you and i can't wait to spend the rest of my life eating burned pancakes with you'.

"Hey Y/N i was wondering if you had a minute to talk. About Spence." JJ approached you with a certain worry in her eyes that immediately unsettled you.

"What do you mean? Did something happen? I just saw him a minute ago and he seemed fine" You say nervously. Was there something you overlooked?

You make a mental note to go through the events of this morning again.

"No, he's fine! It's not that. I just wanted to talk to you about how it's going with Spencer. You know, being a couple and all"

JJ seemed almost nervous.

You weren't sure what to think about that.

She never dug around in your business before and you don't think she's got any malicious intentions but it does throw you off a little bit.

"Did you have something specific in mind? We're doing great, JJ. I know you worry about him but i think he's happy with me"

You say proudly because you know he is.

He tells you every night when you two settle down to lie in each others arms to read for a bit.

That's code for Spencer reading to you while laying his head on your stomach and you playing with his hair.

You smile at the memory.

"Uh yeah i guess i do. I just don't want you to think of this as something personal but i think as his best friend i owe it to Spencer to talk to you about it"

She looks down at her feet seemingly uncomfortable but willing to go through with this.

You were shocked to say the least. What could she possibly have in mind that would potentially hurt your feelings? Your mind goes to the worst possible scenarios and it's giving you a good bit of anxiety.

JJ seems to spot the look on your face and grabs your hands.

"No, no, no it's nothing bad per se! Just something you should be aware of to avoid misunderstandings"

You let out a small breath and calm down a bit. You're still confused though. If it's so urgent, why wouldn't Spencer tell you himself?

You were curious though.

"Okay so what is this about then?"

JJ looks at you with a bit of pity in her eyes and you immediately decide you hate that look.

"It's just that, you know, Spence is a bit of a germaphobe and he just doesn't do very well with people invading his personal space. Not that you're invading his space! Gosh no, you're his girlfriend after all. It's just that it seems like he might be a bit overwhelmed. I know it's non of my business, but i think he's trying to be okay with the PDA because it's something you want. I'm all for expanding your comfort zones but i'm afraid Spence is not going to tell you himself"

She finishes her nervous rant and you felt your heart sinking.

Is that why he never asks for your touch? You thought it was because he was shy but maybe it's because it makes him uncomfortable.

Was he trying to protect your feelings by not denying you touch whenever you asked?

Or worse, did he think you would leave him if he put up some boundaries?

Your eyes are filled with unshed tears and you look down at your feet out of embarrassment. You don't want to see the look on JJ's face right now. You're humiliated and honestly just upset Spencer wasn't telling you all this himself.

"Oh. Well, i'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought we were okay but i'll make an effort to turn it down. Thanks JJ"

It's clear she wanted to say something in return but you already turned away from her to flee the scene. It was overwhelming and you didn't want her to see you cry over this.

You went to the only place you knew you could feel freely without having to downplay the whole thing.

Penelopes Office.

You knock twice at her door.

"Hey Pen, can i come in? Are you busy?"

She immediately opens the door and with it, her arms.

"Never too busy for you honey bun!"

You give her a sad smile and hug her tightly.

You sniffle a little and she closes the door behind you two.

"What's wrong Y/N? Did Spencer do anything? I'll kill him for you. I have about twenty seven different ways that would make it look like an accident! Perks of working for the FBI"

This actually makes you laugh and you immediately know you've made the right call coming to Garcia.

"It's more about what he didn't do. Pen, am i a bad girlfriend?"

She grabs your shoulders and pushes you out of her embrace to look at you.

"What? How could you possibly think that? Boy Wonder has never been happier and i've known the kid for a solid couple of years!"

You look down again with an empty smile

"Then why would he send JJ to tell me all about how uncomfortable i make him?"

Okay so maybe you were being a bit dramatic but it feels like he broke your trust by talking to JJ about it before talking to you. At least, you assume he did. Why else would she bring this up?

"He did what? Are you sure?"

You raise your arms in a frustrated manner.

"I don't know Penny all i know is that JJ had some thoughts on how to be in a relationship with Spence!"

Garcia looked shocked and it makes you laugh.

"Yeah, that was my initial reaction too"

She shakes herself out of it.

"Did you talk to Spencer about what he thinks?"

You look at her with sheepish eyes.

"I don't want to yet. I'm upset with him and honestly a little embarrassed. I just wish he would've told me certain things himself. I think i'm going to take a sick day, okay? Can you let Hotch know i'm out for today?"

She looks at you with understanding eyes and gives you a nod.

"Of course, Bunny. Take care. And don't forget that Spencer loves you!"

You smile and give her a nod in return.

"Yeah, i know"

And with that you're out the door and on your way to grab your bag from your desk.

Of course you end up running into the one person you don't want to talk to right now.

Spencer looks at you with a small smile and you give him one back. Admittedly, yours looks a bit forced but you don't have the energy to pretend right now.

"What are you doing?" He asks innocently. He must be unaware of your conversation with JJ.

"I- Uh i'm taking a sick day. I'm not feeling so well"

You try to avoid eye contact but you fail to ignore Spencers worried expression in your peripheral vision.

"Are you okay? Was it the breakfast? I told you you shouldn't have eaten the pancakes!"

He sounds so distressed you can't help but laugh.

You were still mad at him but he was just too cute for his own good.

Out of habit you raise your hand to plant it on the nape of his neck where you usually toy with his hair before kissing him.

Just as you were about to put your hand on him you shake yourself out of it and retreat it.

He looks at you with confused eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He asks you with sad eyes. He's giving you completely mixed signals and it's driving you insane. Did he suddenly want you to touch him?

"Nothing. I just- I'm really tired"

You look down at your bag and pick it up to make your way out of there.

Spencer grabs your hand and it causes you to stop in your tracks. You breath in and out and turn around to look at him once again.

"Are- I mean are you leaving now?"

He looks at you with an embarrassed glint in his eyes. But there's something more to it. He looks hopeful. Like he's expecting something.

Maybe he's waiting for you to kiss him goodbye like you always do says a small voice on the back of your head.

No, you shake your head, JJ was perfectly clear about these things.

"Yeah, i am. See you later okay?"

You say with a small smile. You weren't mad at him for not being comfortable with PDA. That's not it at all. You just wanted him to be the one telling you.

You squeeze his hand and he exhales a little.

"Yes! Yeah, um, we're still on for tonight right? Your place?"

He seems so nervous and it reminds you a lot of the first few dates you two had. He was so afraid of messing up, of being laughed at or rejected.

"Of course we are. I'll order us some Chinese"

You give him a real smile and he starts lighting up as well.

"Yeah i'd like that. See you, uh, tonight then"

He's still holding your hand and you squeeze it one more time before letting go.

As you step into the elevator you know that you two have a lot to talk about.

--timeskip approx. 8h--

You've spend all day trying to figure out how to talk to Spencer about what happened at work today. You didn't want to fight with him and you hope he's not going to try and shut you out.

All your worries pretty much wash away when you find Spencer at your door holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers.

When he finally reveals himself behind them you can't help but drag him inside and press a kiss to his lips. You smile into the kiss and it's not long before Spencer does the same. It's harder than it sounds like but you two aren't willing to separate yet so you keep kissing for a little longer before leaning back to accept the arrangement.

"Thank you, Spence. They're beautiful"

You push the curls out of his face and cup his cheek in your hand.

He leans into it and closes his eyes for a second

"Almost as beautiful as you"

It's barely a whisper but you heard him.

Putting the flowers down on the counter you don't waste a single second hugging him tight to your chest.

He hums in contentment and you melt into him.

You've missed him so much today. You weren't used to being at distance with him. Emotionally or physically.

Speaking of.

"Does that mean we're okay again?"

Spencer asks pressing small kisses to your neck.

You shutter slightly before leaning back to look at him.

"What do you mean? Were we not okay before?"

You brush the curls that have fallen back into his eyes away again and he looks at you with wide loving eyes.

"I don't know i thought we were but then you didn't- um i don't know you just left and i thought maybe i had done something to upset you?"

He looks nervous. Almost like he's afraid he's going to say something wrong. You give him a small sad smile and decide that now is as good of a time as ever.

"I didn't kiss you because i know you're not comfortable with that"

You weren't mad anymore. You had enough time to process what happened and you've come to the conclusion that Spencer must've had his reasons. You're willing to let him explain.

He on the other hand looks at you like you've grown a second head.

"What? No i- why would you think that?"

You huff out a breath and look at him for a moment with raised eyebrows. You really thought he was going to tell you now. Is he waiting for you to say it?

Spencer looked genuinely confused and upset you would even suggest such a thing. It makes you wonder if he talked to JJ at all.

"Look, JJ came to talk to me today and cleared some things up and honestly i'm not upset about what she said. Not really. I'm upset i had to find out from someone who wasn't you. You could've told me. You should have told me actually"

This didn't do anything to wipe off Spencers confused expression. If anything, his frown just got deeper.

"Y/N i seriously don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked to JJ this week"

Now it's your turn to frown. Did he not know? Was it really just JJ making assumptions that weren't true?

"But she said- No it doesn't matter what she said. What matters is that i want you to tell me, right now, if my affections make you uncomfortable in any shape of form. It's okay if they do Spence! I know i'm a lot but it's important we're both okay with what's happening between us"

He stares at you with a mix of adoration and confusion.

"Of course i'm not uncomfortable with you! I would tell you if i was. It's not even like you're doing any of it without checking with me first! Why would i lie to you?"

You let out a frustrated huff.

"Because you don't wanna hurt my feelings! But it's okay. We're equals and we can set up boundaries if you want. All that matters to me is that you won't shut me out"

Spencer smiles at you and it confuses you. Why the sudden mood change? Not that you're complaining. His smile always did manage to make you feel better. This time is no exception.

He grabs your hands and pulls you closer again.

This is new. Not the hand holding, but the fact that Spencer is the one initiating it.

"I promise you i have never been more comfortable with a person. I don't know what JJ told you and i'm definitely going to have a talk with her about boundaries but as far as we go, i'm more than happy with where and what we are"

You give him a small laugh and he joins in.

You wrap your arms around his middle and bury your head in his chest.

"So you're okay with me kissing you or touching you in general? In front of the team"

He presses a small kiss to the top of your head.

"More than okay" He whispers

You smile and lift your head to give him a proper kiss. He grabs the side of your head and pulls you even closer.

Lips just millimeters apart you look him in the eyes and find nothing but love in them.

"Also, next time you leave work without kissing me goodbye i'll make a scene. No hesitation"

You laugh loudly and push him away. He playfully stumbles back a couple of steps and laughs with you. He shrugs his shoulders

"Try me"

You lean your head on his shoulder.

You don't even know what you were worried about anymore. Spencer has a way to make all the problems seem to minuscule. You can confidently say you've never been happier.

[thetravelingmaster]

Anonymity - Shield or Weapon?

The most common thing among us in this community is Anonymity. We all use it to some degree when indulging our Kinks. Our first and foremost reason to do it is, of course, to keep us safe as we explore this strange and for some, embarrassing kinky world of non conventional arousal. The internet is a heaven for everyone to learn and explore ANYTHING their hearts may find desirable.

Are identities aren't needed to indulge and discover new things about ourselves. You can call yourself Jack, Jill, Fran or Hornybabyslut. It doesn't matter. It helps create a sense of security that enables you to dive into what ever kink you feel you can't indulge in your every day life.

And even if you can indulge IRL and are fully accepted as the kinkster that you are, Anonymity affords you a a free shield for you to protect your wonderful life from the dark and ill intentioned predators constantly surfing the World Wide Web for prey.

Anonymity isn't bad at all. It's recommended.

Exploring and enjoying our different kinks can lead you to wonderful and emotional places. Places you may not go if you couldn't be someone else.

Anonymity is a perfect and accepted shield we all carry.

But it doesn't mean you can't be yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be honest and true with yourself and the people you engage with.

You can call yourself Gina64 and be a full on kinky bimbo slut that talks and acts so dumb and dirty that the people you engage with online think you are nothing more. If that is your way to explore and escape, there is nothing wrong with that. You can become anyone you wish once you fire up your phone or your computer.

That is the beauty of this wonderful and dark internet.

When all is said and done, Gina64 is just a persona you try on. She may or may not have the same beliefs as you promote in your every day life. That's perfectly fine.

Anonymity offers that possibility. That safety...

However...

Anonymity can also be a weapon.

That same safety can protect the bad people that are looking to take advantage of others.

Just like a sword, it can be used to defend and protect as well as divide and conquer. It all depends on who wields it and what they choose to do with the sword in their hands.

My point is very simple: Anonymity doesn't half to mean that you can be 100% yourself.

For the purpose of this post, I'm going to exclude the people that come here to become someone else. It can be a very therapeutic and I definitely not saying that being a completely different person online is wrong in anyway.

Well not in itself...

And that's what I mean. You can play at being fun and fluffy or dark and brooding, what ever fills your cup of tea. As long as you are being honest with yourself about why you are doing it.

The problem I have tonight as I write these lines is when the kink in question involves hypnosis. Not fun roleplaying, but REAL hypnosis and subsequent play.

You have to be very honest and open to engage in that sort of kink and Anonymity can offer you that safe space to indulge from.

BUT ANONYMITY DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BEING DISHONEST.

Being dishonest has nothing to do with anonymity and here is an example of what I mean. Say Our Gina64 is into hypnosis. Say she searches out potential erotic hypnotists online to explore and indulge that itch. She can call herself Gina64 and be a dude. It doesn't really matter as long as you are being honest and about the level of things you wish to reveal to the hypnotist.

If you are being honest with yourself and the person you are engaging with, no harm no foul.

But say that Gina64 doesn't want to reveal that he is in fact a guy. It could be fine if the hypnotist doesn't care. But what if the reason you are engaging in hypnosis is to experience erotic hypnosis? And that Gina64 leads the hypnotist on being saying again and again that they are a girl. For all of us, erotic hypnosis in our Kink community is arousing and erotic for both parties. So a hypnotist that decides to engage and offer erotic hypnosis to Gina64 while under the impression that he is a she when in fact they are a HE...

Well... That can create confusing and even dangerous things down the road. If the connection develops and more and more the hypnotist is made to believe in this falsehood, then it creates an invisible rift between them. A very dishonest rift...

A rift that can actually hurt... Especially if the hypnosis kink also includes flavours of Domination and submission. We all know and understand that D/s play can stir up incredibly powerful emotions. As the lies pile on to covert up more lies, the cycle becomes deeper and darker with every dishonest reply.

Until Gina64 finds himself in a position where the lies have boxed him in and he has to bail out instead of admitting to everything he led the hypnotist to believe and experience.

And I'm not even going to talk about people who create elaborate and complex fake personas to actively catfish people...

I'm not saying that all people who indulge in hypnokink and D/s play should always reveal everything about themselves, far from it.

What I'm saying is that you just have to be HONEST as to what type of person you are and what you want to experience. Our community can be very open minded. It's the very nature of our kink.

And anonymity provides the perfect way to be 100% true to yourself without fear or worries.

To properly demonstrate how one can be completely anonymous and still be incredibly honest, I'm going to talk about friend @qu1etsleep.

Theo is an incredible human being and hypnotist that is, like me, adamant about keeping his online life separate from his offline life. He doesn't shy away from telling anyone who contacts him that Theo isn't his real name and that there is no respectful way in hell that you'll ever get a glimpse or a clue as to who he really is.

His Anonymity is a shield meant to keep the lines clear between his hobby and his life. We all do that in some form or another.

I might not know Theo's true name and identity, but I do know that if I were to ever sit in a cafe somewhere and end up chatting with the man behind the blog, then those 2 persons would be identical.

I'd have the same exact conversations and learn about all the exact same opinions Theo and the man in front of me share.

Because even though his name has changed, he will still be the same person. he just changed out his name tag. Nothing else changed.

Theo is authentic with himself and with everyone that takes the time to talk with him. His Anonymity doesn't affect or change that at all. It just offers him the same safety we all crave.

This authenticity is what makes him, in my humble opinion, a terrific and accomplished 'amateur' hypnotist. Make no mistake, he is no rookie and he WILL drop you if the rapport is there. Authentic and Anonymous...

That is what this community needs above all else.

Some of you MIGHT just understand why I'm ranting about all this tonight, and you would be right. I've felt the sting of this double edged sword and it took others to help me see just how far down the fake rabbit hole I had been led into.

But now I'm out, dusting off the creepiness of the experience and moving on.

So by all means, soak yourselves in Anonymity until people in our kink community aren't even sure who you are...

But BE HONEST. And if you do, I think you'll find even more incredible people and exquisite experiences to be had. You'd be surprised how much someone can accept and understand.

As a point of fact, if the person you are trying to let into your mind isn't opened minded enough to accept your own authenticity, then perhaps you should seriously rethink the fact that you are giving them the keys to your mental palace.

There is no gain from being dishonest and stringing people along.

Unless that is the pleasure you are seeking here... If that is the case, then maybe you should start understanding that you are no better than a full blown predator.

And that is something our community needs the least of all.

We are all searching and indulging ourselves in our forbidden and delicious kinks, there is nothing wrong with that.

Enjoy your safe and secure anonymity, but do it responsibly and above all, do it while being honest with yourself and others.

[ji-yaaan]

Anonymous asked:

Hello! I like your blog and the little comments here and there makes me laugh at times hehe ^^ May I request headcanons for Vil, Leona, Mal, and Floyd reactions and what they'll do to reconcile w/ the reader after a very hearted argument to which Reader may have said "I hate you" before storming out. Would they wait for a bit? A few days or hours? Or would they be upfront with their apology immediately? Reader also apologizes at the end, crying slightly if that's okay. If you notice me, thanks! 

°•°•𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐌𝐞?•°•°•

HC's with: Leona, Vil, Floyd, and Malleus.

Note: Ofc, I was late yet again. Pls forgive me dear sir... And ofc tumblr hates me so it won't cooperate! Drafts got deleted 3 times.... so if it somehow becomes inconsistent... I DEEPLY APOLOGIZE! STONE ME GENTLY! anyways, i hope you enjoy this, actually no, I beg that you enjoy this?! Idk lololololololololol.

[𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚝𝚎𝚊 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚠𝚎𝚍? 𝙸𝚍𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚕]

°•°•°•𝙇𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙖 𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙧 •°•°•°

“I HATE YOU!” with bits of tears in your eyes, you slammed the door shut behind you leaving Leona dumbfounded all by himself.

You hate him?You hate him!?!? Is that like for real??? He’ll scratch the back of his head in shame of pushing things too far to the point you were in tears.

But what can he do? His pride caught the best of him and he acted rash in the heat of the moment. This prideful lion just doesn’t know when to shut up smh.ಥ‿ಥ

He’ll try to remember when did everything started to go wrong, but he'll just get more and more guilty the more he thinks about it.

“Tchhhh... I messed up big time...”

It's not his style to give up easily, but his mind was set in a frenzy the moment he thinks about you leaving him.

A day without you started to become dull and boring the moment he grew fond of you. So it somehow became a habit of his to constantly seek you unconsciously. Whether it's a whiff of your scent, your voice ringing in the hallways, even the sound of your footsteps is something he could easily recognize.

But now that the two of you fought, this lion will find any way possible to avoid you seeing him.

Yeah... it will probably take a while for him to apologize...(꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ)

But when the time does come, expect Leona to prepare a simple yet sincere apology.

“Oi herbivore... Sorry about the other day ok? I missed my pillow for a while now...I lose...”

Simple yet sincere :') The prideful arrogant lion somehow learned to apologize despite his ego way ahead of him. He can't stand the thought of loosing you ok? (｡•́︿•̀｡)

°•°•°•°•𝙑𝙞𝙡 𝙎𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙚𝙣𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙩•°•°•°•°•

“VIL STOP IT! I hate this! I hate everything! I hate you!” you quickly ran away to the door as vil stood in his spot stupefied.

You hate him? You hate the Vil Schoenheit himself?Then so be it...

Vil is basically pissed and angry™. Moreover, you had the guts and audacity to tell him you hate him. His pride was shattered in front of him. And he's not happy about that (꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ)

Nope. Nah. Never. He's not apologizing anytime sooner now. He'll be waiting for that spicy well deserved apology you have for him...

He'll try his best to avoid you and give you the sassy cold shoulder treatment™. It will probably last for a few days or maybe a week. He has his pride y’know?

Not until he hears a muffled sob in the hallways and realized it was your voice. You looked visibly upset and sad as you cried your heart out, all alone in the empty hallways.

Oh no... What did he do? Was his nagging that bad? Did he take it too far with the makeovers? Guilt ate his soul away as he tried to sort out his thoughts with the clear image of your crying face embedded in his mind.

“Okay... Maybe I did take it a little too far...”

Making up his mind, Vil will try to make everything set for tomorrow and apologize to you to fix this feud  you both have. ( ╹▽╹ )

When classes are over and the two of you finally get to be alone, Vil will try to straighten this misunderstanding now! ( ꈍᴗꈍ)

“Hey Y/n I just want to tell you... I'm sorry.” “Vil I'm so sorry for the other day!-”

The both of you stared at each other with shock... Did the both of you just say sorry at the same time?

“Pfffttttt-” The both of you laugh from how hilarious this moment was. It felt as if the fight you had didn't happened at all. (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

“Y/n I'm sorry... I took it too far with what I do without asking your opinion first...”

“Yeah... I'm sorry I lashed out at you too... That was petty...”

Vil will definitely make a million dollar once in a lifetime seen smile, so you better treasure this rare sight!!!(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

“No more fighting, okay? ”

•°•°•°•°•𝙁𝙡𝙤𝙮𝙙 𝙇𝙚𝙚𝙘𝙝•°•°•°•°•°

“Floyd I hate you!” you slammed your way out of the table, running away from Floyd.

Angering Floyd was not the brightest Idea in the book. His infamous “bad moods” was not something anyone would like to experience. But somehow, he was really pushy and annoying today and you were fed up with it.

“Ahhhh~ Koebi-chan hates me now? what do I do?”

Thankfully, Floyd wasn’t really angry, though he was sad and heart broken that his favorite person said they hated him.(╥╭╮╥)

Floyd is an impulsive boi, so he might secretly follow you to see your face or something lol.

Ofc, Knowing Floyd, he’d definitely skip classes and skip his job at the Mostro Lounge  due to his mood swings. Ofc, a certain octoboi wasn’t really happy with this.

Azul will probs tell Jade to help out his brother or something, lol Azul be secretly worrying for the two of you loooool.

However, with the help of Jade, the mushroom eel himself, he can guide his brother to make up with you!!!

Thank god mushroom eel is here to save the day! ( ´◡‿ゝ◡`)

A fight with Floyd won’t really last long. Because Floyd being Floyd, he’ll naturally come to you like nothing ever happened! That’s why you have to be patient and understanding when it comes to Floyd ok?

With the biggest hug from behind you. There was a cute eel boi that has come to ambush you with love!

“Shrimppy! Don’t avoid meeee! I miss you so much so hang out with me at the Mostro Lounge againnn!”

Floyd is not really good with his words nor his apologies. Though, his blunt and honest demeanor is definitely one of his charming points!!!! (☆▽☆)

“Shrimpy! I have some takoyaki with me! let’s share them together ok?!”

Ugh, Floyd is too cute... It would be a capital sin to not forgive him and decline his offer! Tsk I’m watching you, you better accept that apology!

•°•°•°•𝙈𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙪𝙨 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙖•°•°•°

“MALLEUS I HATE YOU!”

Shock. Pure shock. You hate him? The last thing Malleus wants is to hurt your feelings. In his eyes, humans are delicate and vulnerable beings, so he tries his best to protect you and treat you with utter delicacy. Yet it seems as if he failed to do that...

Just before you slam the door behind you and escape this fight, a hand grabs your wrist in attempts to stop you. Nonetheless you still make your way out, leaving Malleus standing there alone.

Malleus was deeply hurt and sorry for making you sad and angry. His heart was shattered with the thought of you leaving him, someone who made their way this close to his heart, someone he cherishes deeply.

But this fight wont really last long because Malmal would definitely try and apologize as quickly as possible!(ᓀ˵▾˵ᓂ)

Malleus is the soft type of person and I feel like he’d give up easily if it was you lol.(｡•́︿•̀｡)

Even if his apology was heard but not accepted, he’d gladly say his sorry no matter how much time and patience it will take, just for you to forgive him.༎ຶ‿༎ຶ

He’ll try to give you and Hour or two to clear your mind, then he’ll apologize!

Standing in front of your room, he’ll knock lightly at the door in front of him... No answer... So you’re still mad huh?

Leaning his forehead at the door, He’ll try to talk to you in hope for you to come out of your room. But nahhh, no signs of you leaving your room soo (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

He’ll mutter apologies after another just in case you hear them :’D

“Y/n I’m sorry for hurting your feelings earlier... that was rash of me to say, so I truly apologize... I hope my feelings reach you.”

Hearing his voice, it would prolly sound as if he’s ready to cry any moment by now. You’d be a monster if you don’t forgive this fae cutie!!!(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

When you finally come out of the door to see him. I bet you he’s moment away from his tear dripping down. Ó╭╮Ò

“You’re not mad now right? Then is it fine to ask if we eat some ice cream later?”

You bet that Malleus would give you the biggest  cheeriest grin in the entire world! oh the things you keep doing to him never surprises him. Pls dont leave this cinnamon roll or else-

That's it cuties! I need to sleep now- my classes are thriving, but I'm not!!!

God, school stuff are taking away my precious freedom and time for writing smh.

Oh god, I'm ranting again... What's new? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Anyways, I need to woosh now and I hope you enjoyed this one!!!

[blushing-titan]

My thoughts on ch. 139

Some of you may be familiar with my previous writings - I usually try to stay as collected as possible, but today's post will be different. Ever since the chapter came out, I've been reblogging a lot of rants and memes about it. Those of you who follow my blog (thank you so much, really happy to have you here! ❤) know that I didn't really enjoy this ending. I want to elaborate more on that in this post - my only advice is to buckle up, because today we may get a bit heated (I apologize in advance for the sassy approach - I usually try to stray away from that, but guess today's post is more of a stream of conciousness/rant) :'D

1. Ymir

Starting up with one of the most controversial things about this chapter. Up to this point, I felt really bad for Ymir. Her life was terrible - she was a young girl, who was enslaved and abused by king Shitz Fritz. After she was forced to run away from his hounds, she acquired the power of titans and used it to help the king's cause. For that, she was awarded with the king's seed (🤢), and eventually became a mother of three girls. Through her entire life, she was treated as a slave and a lesser-being by the king - she also died while protecting him, and her daughters were forced to eat her remains after that (🤢🤢).

It felt so tragic to see her 2000 years later, still walking blindly in the paths. It wasn't enough that she was hurt so badly when she was still alive - she remained enslaved to the abusive king even after she died. I was rooting for her to finally be freed from this nightmare - hence I was so happy when ch. 122 came out and we got this scene:

I was genuinely emotional when I saw her reaction. Finally, someone expressed some authentic care for her and tried to snap her out of this blind state. She would finally think about what she wants and try to free herself from the paths because, as Eren said, she was never a slave or a goddess - just a regular person. It's just like she finally let out all the pain that she's been suppressing for all these years.

Yeah...except, as it turns out, her awakening here changes nothing. She doesn't come to any conclusions, like, perhaps, that she doesn’t want to let herself be hurt and mistreated any longer...or that she should fight for herself, try to change her fate - because, after all, her life belongs to her - not anyone else.

Nothing like this happens. Why? Because, as it turns out, she's in love with king Fritz and needs to be proven by Mikasa that she can break this bond first.

....

💀💀💀💀

Excuse me, but...what?

Okay, first and foremost...am I supposed to believe that, during these 2000 years, no one else has gone against their unhealthy affection to someone toxic and unworthy of their love? No one? 🤡 Come on, we even saw that happen in the manga. What about Historia, who thought that her own mother hitting her was a sign of love? Who wanted to believe that her father was good, despite wanting to turn her into a titan? Where was Ymir when Historia stood up for herself against her father's wishes? Or when she flew up to him and delivered the final blow against him?

On top of that...what a disappointing conclusion to Ymir's story. I hoped that she would take her fate into her own hands, and - for example - be reborn and experience life as a free person, surrounded by people who actually care about her. Free herself from paths and destroy it - not because someone shows her that she can indeed detach herself from it, but simply because she wants to.

Instead, 80% of the world population is gone, because she needed to see that Mikasa is able to "free" herself from Eren in order to do the same.

🤡🤡🤡

2. Abandoned plotlines and plot-holes

Mikasa being a Hizuru princess? Never heard of that. Hallucigenia's fate? Who cares. Eren directing Dina's titan in Carla's direction in order to save Berthold? Nah, who would want any more info on that - guess he just couldn't direct her anywhere else. The Ackerman's headaches? Pfff. The fact that Mikasa shouldn't be affected by the memory altering, but somehow still is in the ending? "I guess she just forgot that she should be immune to this". Why was Historia's pregnancy implied as relevant if it wasn't in the end? So many precious panels wasted on that, when they could be used to help solve some other "unanswered questions" instead. Ehhh...🤷

3. Blatant character assassination

There, I'm saying it once again. I have no idea what happened in this chapter but the characters are off. What about Eren - the one who has always believed that freedom was his birthright, and has been fighting and moving forward for his goals? Yeah, turns out he has no idea why he was doing all of that. 

Remember Kenny's quote - everyone is a slave to something? I thought that this implication was pretty poetic in context of Eren's character. Through all his life, he sought freedom, but ironically, he was a slave to that dream...

...turns out it may have been a bit too poetic for this story because Eren is a slave to destiny. Literally - he's going on auto-pilot in order to reach that one moment in which Mikasa beheads him, so Ymir can watch and understand that she can do the same.

Nice joke...except not. Here go our main character's motivations 🗑

He casually commits unjustifiable crimes against humanity - not because he wants to be free or because he found the world beyond the walls disappointing, (...as we were led to believe). He did that because he doesn't know why - and then, he cries that he doesn't want Mikasa to ever find another guy.

:'))

Turns out Eren was somehow always in love with her too...? Yeah, weird way of showing it. Or should I say - not showing it at all.

If you read my previous writings, you know that I'm not very fond of Eremika. The way I interpreted it while reading the story: it was unhealthy, suffocating and one-sided. I hoped for Mikasa to move on and start thinking about herself for once.

Right, what about Mikasa? Has she finally moved on? Is she content with her life? Are her dreams coming true? What's her daily life after all this? Sadly, I don't have the answers. The thing we are shown instead, is how she's sitting next to Eren's grave and, once again, thanking him for wraping the scarf around her. The only thing that implies that she may be somehow still seeing other people is one bubble of text. After all 139 chapters of hoping for her character developement, that's it.

Keep in mind that all other characters are shown together - with their spouses, families and friends - yet Mikasa is still separated and alone. That's right - after she disappears with Eren's head, she's not shown with anyone else until the end of the manga.

While we're on the topic of others, too...do I have to talk about the scenes in which everyone shows some level of gratitude to Eren...for wiping 80% humanity for them? Because I have no words for this.

One last note: I found the humor to be slightly out of place, too. Seriously, after all these terrible events, with so many unanswered questions and character developement of these two...Reiner is still weirdly simping for (now married) Historia and Jean is called a horse face :') Idk, but it feels somehow surreal after everything that's happened.

4. Conclusion

What else can I say...the final chapter disappointed me and I'm pretty sad about it. I'm happy for the people who liked it, but also can't help but feel like it was very far from perfect. I've been following SnK ever since 2013 and it's a bittersweet moment for me. The series had a lot of amazing moments that I'll definitely remember forever. Meanwhile, I would like to read some of the author's thoughts about the way he chose to end the story - perhaps it would clear some confusion (...although I can't help the fact that my first opinion is already formed).

Thank you very much for reading my thoughts - as always, it means a lot to me! ❤ The images used in this post are obviously not mine!

[toko-writing-imagines]

My cat ran away and I searched for her everywhere I took her to the vet just a few days ago and now she's gone again I'm so upset so if you don't mind can I request some hcs of makoto, Hajime and maki comforting their s/o who lost their cat? If you can that is—despair anon

I'm super sorry to hear that your cat ran away, but I do hope and wish that you find her soon!

I hope these hcs help you feel better, even if it's just a lil bit (I think I interpreted your wish right, if not then I'm sorry)

Makoto, Hajime, and Maki comforting their s/o who just lost their cat

【Makoto Naegi】

• This luckster would understand the feeling of having a pet run away. He did have a dog growing up and every once in a while it would get too excited and run away whether it chasing it or it just going too far from home

• Since he is kinda an optimistic, he'd tell you that it would be okay and hopefully your cat will be okay wherever she is

• He'd let you cry on his shoulder if you need too, rub your back and tell you as many reassurances you need. Do you want anything? Snacks, a glass of water, maybe a comfort item you have somewhere?

• Makoto just wants to make sure you are okay and are feeling better before he proceeds with any other course of action

• If you want, Makoto will even go out and look for your cat (you are allowed to come or just let him look). Maybe his luck will come in handy and possibly find your cat

• Heck, maybe he can get Kyoko to also help in the search. She is the Ultimate Detective after all and she probably had to find a few missing pets in her line of work

• He just doesn't want you to be sad, and will absolutely do his best to find your cat. But if that's not what you want right now, then he will do his darn best to comfort you till you are better

【Hajime Hinata】

• I feel like Hajime won't particularly notice your change in mood unless he was looking closely, or you just told him upfront about what happened

• If you aren't the most upfront person, he would have to take a good look at you to realize you aren't okay - to which he mentally slapped himself for being so blind and not noticing earlier

• While he isn't any sort of detective in the slightest, it became sorta clear to him on what has been bothering you. You are usually accomplished evermore with your pet cat, she is never to wonder around much and most of the time she is just laying with you on your bed

• He pulled you into a hug, albeit being slightly awkward since that's just kinda how he is

• While he can't exactly relate, as he never lost a pet before in any way, he's really good at comforting you!.. at least he hopes he is

• The comfort sound of hearing his heart beat to a steady rhythm, you feel a wave of calmness that you haven't felt today. It made you smile knowing that Hajime is trying his best here to comfort you, and his attempt to do so did not fail

• Hajime isn't totally sure what to really do now, but the future is a mystery - you two can decide the course of action about your missing cat once you feel better

【Maki Harukawa】

• Honestly, I don't think she would sugarcoat the possibility of your cat not being okay or something much worse

• But that's something she wouldn't say directly (for the time being at least), as it would probably make you feel much worse and she's supposed to be comforting you

• Even though comforting a person is not really her forte, she would let you rant to her about it while she had you in a slight stiff but comforting hug

• She isn't really too sure what to exactly say - she never really had a pet or being remotely emotionally attached to anything as a child so she just holds you in her arms as you either vent, cry, or both

• There's a silence after a while, your voice gone quiet as Maki waits to see if you still have anything to say

• After that, Maki just has you rest for the day, as you very much need it after spending most of your day looking for your cat.

• What she didn't let you know is that once she leaves you alone to rest, she goes on her own search to find the cat herself. Maki is an assassin, the Ultimate one at that, so if she has a target, she will find them

• Just leave the searching for her, and if she comes back later with nothing still then her excuse will just be that she got you your comfort snacks (or just something similar to that)

❀•°•═══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══•°•❀

Haha finally got them done!- I would have finished sooner but I had a brain fog when doing Hajime's

also a lot of people really been requests Maki

It was fun writing the boys though! I really gotta write them more often

I still wish you the best on finding your cat, and that she is all well! Take care!

~ Mod Toko 💜